NXT Date: February 15, 2017
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Nigel McGuinness, Percy Watson
We’ve got two big matches for tonight with a title on the line. First up it’s the Aussie women Billie Kay and Peyton Royce teaming up to face Liv Morgan and a mystery partner. We’ll cap it off with Tyler Bate making his first defense of the WWE UK Title against the debuting Trent Seven. Let’s get to it.
Quick look at Bate vs. Seven.
Opening sequence.
Authors of Pain vs. Garrison Spears/Lance Anoa’i
Non-title and Lance is Samu’s son. It’s total domination with stereo Death Valley Drivers putting the jobbers into the corner. The Final Chapter ends Spears at 1:20.
The jobbers get a Super Collider post match.
Video on Tyler Bate.
Billie Kay/Peyton Royce vs. Liv Morgan/Ember Moon
Kind of an obvious pick. Moon spins away from Billie to start and the Aussie is already looking shaken. Billie is smart enough to twist away and get in a kick to the ribs, only to get tossed down with a suplex. The hot tag brings in Morgan to a very limited reaction (that’s hard to do in NXT) for the house cleaning. An STO gets two on Peyton as everything breaks down. Moon gets sent outside and Billie knees Morgan in the side of the head for the pin at 3:18.
Rating: C-. I’m still confused by Morgan as they seem to want her to be the new big star of the division but keep having her do jobs in the bigger matches like this one. It’s also interesting that they didn’t have Moon get the pin here as it’s pretty clear that she’s going to be the next challenger for Asuka’s title and she wasn’t exactly the star of the match here.
We look back at Sanity telling Tye Dillinger that he belongs to the team and then beating him down later in the night. No Way Jose and Roderick Strong made the save.
Strong and Jose don’t like bullies and respect Dillinger enough to give him a hand.
Here’s DIY with something to say. They realized their dream in Toronto but that dream became a nightmare in San Antonio. They’ve never fought anyone like the Authors of Pain but they saw doubt in their eyes. No matter how much they’re beaten down they’ll never quit fighting so it’s time for a rematch. Cue Paul Ellering to say the match can take place in two weeks. DIY doesn’t want to wait but here’s the Revival to beat them down, only to have the Authors chase them off.
Video on Trent Seven.
Video on Kassius Ohno, who returns soon.
General Manager William Regal announces a #1 contenders triple threat match for next week between Peyton Royce, Ember Moon and Liv Morgan.
UK Title: Tyler Bate vs. Trent Seven
Bate is defending. They start slowly with both guys having a clean break and offering a twirl of the others mustache. Bate bounces off the much bigger Seven until Trent runs him over with a much harder version. Nigel starts talking about cricket and gets in a few jabs at Watson (not that difficult) as the slow beating continues while taking us to a break.
Back with Trent getting two off a backslide and Bate giving us that great scared face in the corner. Tyler finally gets going and knocks Trent outside for a good looking dive over the top. Back in and the Seven Stars Lariat is broken up so Tyler grabs the airplane spin. Since it’s just an airplane spin though, Trent pops up and gets in a powerbomb for two. A half crab (not a great one though) has Bate in trouble but the hold doesn’t last that long.
It’s time for rights and left (Bop and Bam if you haven’t been formally introduced) but Seven just blasts him with the Seven Star Lariat for two. You know, if it hardly ever finishes anyone, it’s not really a finisher. Trent takes his sweet time going up and gets caught in a super exploder suplex for two. Bate gets all fired up and hits the rolling kick to the head, followed by the Tyler Driver ’97 for the pin at 15:39.
Rating: B. I’m not really feeling Seven yet but I’m digging the heck out of Bate the more I see him. The fact that the guy is just nineteen years old is mind blowing as the guy looks like he’s been doing this for years, despite also looking like he’s about fourteen years old. These matches don’t really have stories but they’re knocking the heck out of the work, which is all they can really do at this point.
They shake hands post match.
Overall Rating: B-. Kind of a middle of the road show this week as we’re still getting ready for the bigger stories but it was still entertaining enough. The show breezed by and that makes for a very easy fifty minute show, especially with a strong main event. They also made sure to announce stuff for the future, which is still one of their greatest strengths. It’s never “what does someone have in store” but rather “this is what you’re going to get”. That’s a very key difference and incredibly important.
Results
Authors of Pain b. Garrison Spears/Lance Anoa’i – Final Chapter to Spears
Peyton Royce/Billie Kay b. Ember Moon/Liv Morgan – Knee to Morgan’s head
Tyler Bate b. Trent Seven – Tyler Driver ’97
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the History of the WWE’s Big Four Pay Per Views, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
I do some rare fantasy booking on the Women’s Title situation.
Smackdown – February 14, 2017: Roses Are Red, Violets Aren’t Blue, Smackdown Was Good, This Doesn’t Rhyme
Smackdown Date: February 14, 2017
Location: Honda Center, Anaheim, California
Commentators: Mauro Ranallo, Tom Phillips, David Otunga, John Bradshaw Layfield
There’s nothing in between us and Wrestlemania XXXIII at this point with Elimination Chamber out of the way. We still have some big TV to knock off first though and that includes one heck of a main event tonight. Bray Wyatt won the Smackdown World Title in the Elimination Chamber on Sunday but tonight he has to defend against former champion John Cena. Let’s get to it.
Long recap of Elimination Chamber kicks things off.
Here’s Bray with the title to open the show. After getting a chuckle at the YOU DESERVE IT chants, Bray says Sister Abigail told him this would never be easy. But now, after everything he’s gone through, he truly does have the whole world in his hands. Bray welcomes us to the era of Wyatt but here’s John Cena to interrupt him.
After waiting for the Roman Reigns levels of booing to cut him off, Cena congratulates Bray on becoming the new champion. John says Bray has already brainwashed the fans because they think he deserves it. Around here, you earn things instead of deserving them so now there’s a target on Bray’s shoulder. Cue AJ Styles to say that he’s already beaten Cena over and over so he wants his one on one rematch for the title right now. Bray seems willing but here’s Daniel Bryan to interrupt and make it a triple threat.
Dean Ambrose storms into the building wanting to fight Baron Corbin.
American Alpha vs. Ascension
Non-title. Gable wrestles Viktor to the mat to start and everything breaks down a few seconds later. Alpha is sent outside but come back in off the top with a double clothesline (old Steiner Brothers move) to take us to a break. Back with Gable fighting out of a chinlock, only to get kneed in the face for his efforts. There’s something to be said about getting hit square in the face to cut someone off.
Chad gets an armbar over the ropes for a breather but Viktor runs around the ring to cut of the tag. Not that it matters as Gable rolls over for the real hot tag. That means it’s time for the suplexes but Chad tags himself back in, leaving Jordan to miss a charge into the corner. Something like an H Bomb gets two on Chad but Grand Amplitude wraps up Viktor for the pin at 9:59.
Rating: C+. I liked this one more than I was expecting to as they’ve actually made Ascension feel a little more like a threat with just a few good performances. I know we’ve been told for years that wins and losses don’t matter but the last week or so is proof that just one fall can go a long way. Now of course we need some fresh talent on Smackdown and it’s WAY too late for this version of Ascension to work but it’s better than nothing.
Post match the Usos pop up on screen to say they’re coming for the belts. My goodness FIND SOME NEW CHALLENGERS. It feels like they’re the only real competition Alpha has had since they debuted.
James Ellsworth is trying to get Carmella to go to dinner when Ambrose comes in. Dean says Carmella is just using him so try online dating. Carmella tells Ellsworth to stand up for her so James kind of does so, only to have Bryan come in and grant Dean a match against Ellsworth for later tonight.
Dean Ambrose vs. James Ellsworth
And never mind as Baron Corbin drags Dean out to the stage. Deep Six into the production area gives us some sparks and Ambrose is out.
We recap Nikki Bella and Natalya fighting backstage at Elimination Chamber, including Bella being knocked into Maryse.
Nikki is in Bryan’s office with the boss saying things need to end. Natalya comes in and the arguing begins again. That quickly turns into a fight so Bryan makes it a falls count anywhere match for next week.
Baron says Dean isn’t WWE Champion because of him and now Dean is in the hospital because of him. That’s everything you need to know.
Dolph Ziggler is tired of people like Apollo Crews and Kalisto trying to take his spot. If he has to wipe out an entire generation to prove his point, so be it.
Mickie James vs. Becky Lynch
Feeling out process to start with Mickie going for the arm but getting reversed so Becky can take over on the mat. Back up and a shove puts Mickie on the floor, followed by an armbar on Mickie to copy Sunday’s tactics. They head outside again and it’s a double clothesline to take us to a break.
We come back with Mickie grabbing a chinlock before scoring with a flapjack. The Bexploder gets two on Mickie and a forearm puts her on the floor. James comes up holding her shoulder (which didn’t seem to actually hit anything in the crash) but of course she’s goldbricking, setting up a spinning kick to Becky’s jaw for the pin at 11:58.
Rating: C. The goldbricking might not be the most creative thing in the world but it does play up the idea that Mickie is a veteran who can use her experience to pull off something like that. I’m not wild on them splitting wins on back to back shows but it sets up what should be an entertaining third act.
Here’s new Women’s Champion Naomi, who says she was hurt at Elimination Chamber. It doesn’t matter though because she’s coming in to Wrestlemania with this title one way or another. Cue Alexa Bliss to say Naomi is just hiding from the pressure. Naomi could even have her own 30 for 30 special called The Lights Go Out. Bliss is feeling generous though and is giving Naomi a week to get ready for the rematch.
Black History Month video on Nelson Mandela.
TJ Perkins wants us to watch 205 Live.
Smackdown World Title: Bray Wyatt vs. John Cena vs. AJ Styles
Wyatt is defending and this is one fall to a finish. Bray does his entrance and runs into Luke Harper who gives him a pre-match beating. We take a break before the bell and come back with Cena loading up the Shuffle on Styles until Bray pulls him outside. AJ isn’t one to be shown up though and hits a big forearm out to the floor.
Back in and a low forearm gets two on Bray but Cena comes back in for the running shoulders to the champ. The AA is countered into a failed Sister Abigail attempt though as Styles comes in with the forearm. Cena plants AJ with the AA for two, followed by Sister Abigail getting the same on Cena with AJ making the save.
Back from a break with AJ slamming Bray onto the announcers’ table and dropping a leg to put him through the wood. Cena throws AJ in for another AA but tries a third and gets reversed into the Calf Crusher. That’s reversed into the STF but Bray comes back in with the backsplash for the last second save. AJ is sent outside and another AA gets two on the champ. The Styles Clash gets the same on Cena and all three are down. Back up again and AJ is sent outside, leaving Bray to grab Sister Abigail for the pin on Cena at 14:05.
Rating: B+. They were spamming the finishers like few matches you’ll see these days but at least Wyatt won in a really solid TV match. The fact that Bray pinned Cena clean with his finisher is a great sign and exactly what should have happened here. Cena isn’t losing a thing here and Wyatt gets another big fall on his resume. Well done indeed and they even managed to make me buy some of those near falls, which I really didn’t expect coming in.
Post match here’s Randy Orton for the big staredown. The fans cheer for Orton as Bray says not to listen to it. Orton says he won’t fight Bray for the title at Wrestlemania because he pledges loyalty to Wyatt. Bray says that means Orton has the keys to the kingdom and the double pose ends the show.
Overall Rating: B-. Good show here for the most part as they kept me wanting to come back next week (no not for Nikki vs. Natalya 2, which isn’t even big enough to earn Roman numerals) and gave us a hot main event. This was a big step up from Sunday and you can see a mixture of upcoming TV plus Wrestlemania plans forming. I liked the show here and that’s encouraging coming off a hot Raw.
Results
American Alpha b. Ascension – Grand Amplitude to Viktor
Mickie James b. Becky Lynch – Spinning kick to the head
Bray Wyatt b. AJ Styles and John Cena – Sister Abigail to Cena
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the History of the WWE’s Big Four Pay Per Views, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
And it’s one of WWE’s latest stupid ideas.Apparently the character was supposed to be a callback to the Kat/Sable, as in eye candy who can’t do anything in the ring. Ignoring the fact that WE KNOW EMMA CAN WRESTLE, it really doesn’t work when you look at everything else going on.
I find it a little hard to believe that this can be blamed on Emma. The whole Emmalina character was basically “she’s hot” and that’s about it. When you have Charlotte, Bayley, Becky Lynch and Sasha Banks stealing a lot of the shows they’re on (while still wrestling in glorified swimsuits, which are never discussed let alone focused on), a gimmick of someone being good looking really isn’t going to cut it. I have a really hard time blaming this on Emma because it was a stupid gimmick in the first place.
Monday Night Raw – February 13, 2017: Oh No He Didn’t
Monday Night Raw Date: February 13, 2017
Location: T-Mobile Arena, Las Vegas, Nevada
Commentators: Michael Cole, Byron Saxton, Corey Graves
It’s a pretty stacked show this week as Bayley gets a shot at Charlotte’s Raw Women’s Title, Emmalina (allegedly) debuts and Chris Jericho and Kevin Owens have a Festival of Friendship. We’re getting closer to Fastlane and it’s time to really start setting up the pay per view card. Let’s get to it.
This show is dedicated to Chavo Guerrero Sr. It’s always nice to see them do something like that, even if it’s something minor.
Opening sequence.
Here’s a dancing Stephanie (so she’s good this week) to welcome us to the show. She’s given Mick Foley the night off tonight and hopes he’ll have his head on straight next week. Stephanie is in charge this week though but here’s Roman Reigns to cut her off. Reigns wants to fight Braun Strowman right here tonight and the fans seem to agree. Stephanie doesn’t though and threatens Reigns with the loss of his match against Strowman if he does anything tonight.
Anderson and Gallows of all people interrupt and say they’re tired of hearing Stephanie disrespected like this. That means a handicap match tonight with Stephanie doing a bad Teddy Long impression to set it up. Anderson and Gallows get punched in the face to start it off.
Anderson and Gallows vs. Roman Reigns
This is joined in progress after a break with Reigns and Gallows slugging it out. The champs quickly take over and Anderson grabs a chinlock to fill in some time. Reigns fights up and starts throwing bombs, only to get caught by a cheap shot from the apron. Anderson and Gallows start stomping away and that’s a DQ at 3:09.
Rating: D+. As pointless of a match as this was, at least they didn’t have the champs do a clean job. It’s certainly better than sitting through them facing Sheamus and Cesaro again and a DQ doesn’t do them any noteworthy damage. Reigns looked fine here and the Superman Punch for a comeback is always going to work.
Reigns clears the champs off without too much trouble.
Quick video on the history of the List of Jericho.
Kofi Kingston vs. Bo Dallas
Before the match, Kofi asks if Dallas is trying to be a Social Outcast. Big E. on the other hand has a folder labeled Ice Cream Blueprints because New Day is making an ice cream machine. That starts a WE WANT ICE CREAM chant as Kofi dropkicks Dallas to the floor. Dallas gets into the dancing and RIPS UP THE FOLDER. New Day is aghast so Kofi hits a huge flip dive to take him down. Bo gets two off an elevated swinging neckbreaker but gets caught in the SOS for the pin at 2:13.
Dallas is covered in cereal after the match.
Neville is ready for a match tomorrow night when Jack Gallagher comes in. Jack starts to quote some Shakespeare but Neville cuts him off for not being a man. We’ll find that out at Fastlane but for now, Jack calls him a pillock.
Video on Jericho helping Owens retain the title over Seth Rollins.
Noam Dar vs. Jack Gallagher
Alicia Fox is in Dar’s corner and Graves thinks she’s staring at Gallagher. Dar can’t keep Jack in a leglock as we get some snappy British spinning for an escape. A hard kick to the knee softens the knee up a bit better but Dar switches over to the arm. Gallagher doesn’t care for the switch in psychology so it’s the headbutt into the running dropkick for the pin on Noam at 3:15.
Rating: C-. I could watch Gallagher every week and Dar is getting better and better but this didn’t have the time to go anywhere. Gallagher winning is the only option and he’s looking pretty strong going into what should be a one off title match. Hopefully there’s nothing to the Fox/Gallagher stuff as it doesn’t sound all that interesting.
Neville comes out for the staredown.
HHH and Samoa Joe arrive.
Here’s Emmalina in a rather shiny dress. She talks about the wait and says she’s finally here. Now we’ll see the makeover from Emmalina to Emma….and that’s it. She was on screen for less than a minute.
Bayley is in the same place where Lita won her first Women’s Title from Stephanie McMahon, who doesn’t think anything of her. Tonight though, Bayley is hitting the jackpot.
Jericho and Owens are getting ready when HHH comes in to take Owens away.
Mark Henry vs. Braun Strowman
They do the big power lockup to start and neither goes anywhere. The referee backs Henry up so Strowman gets in a cheap shot to take over. Strowman drops a leg and grabs a chinlock to keep thing slow. The forearm to the chest is broken up but Henry can’t hit the World’s Strongest Slam. Braun actually hits a dropkick followed by the powerslam for the pin at 3:53.
Rating: C. You know, I didn’t mind this. It’s a good example of consider what they were going for here. The idea was to showcase Strowman as the new strongman and while that’s been done over and over, they did everything exactly as they should have here and I got the idea exactly. Well done here, which I never would have expected to say.
Post match Reigns comes out for the fight and knocks Strowman down with two Superman Punches. The spear is countered into the powerslam though and Reigns is laid out.
We look at Jericho helping Owens against Reigns.
Cesaro and Sheamus are firing Bayley up when Enzo and Big Cass come in. Trash is talked and it seems that we’ll be seeing Cass vs. Cesaro later.
Michael Cole has a sitdown interview with Samoa Joe, who says he’s working for HHH, who gave him his first shot at the big time. HHH has given more people opportunities than anyone else and Joe has spent eighteen years mowing everyone down to get here. Joe doesn’t want to hear about HHH any more because this interview is about him. He’s not some guy like Sami Zayn who is just happy to be here. Cole brings up all the people HHH has given opportunities to and then turned on them (including Shawn Michaels) but Joe says that’s not happening because he doesn’t need HHH. The Destroyer has been unleashed.
WOW this was great. Joe looked like one of the most natural stars ever here and a lot of that is likely because that’s the Samoa Joe character who has been around for a long time. I could go for Samoa Joe vs. Sami Zayn (assuming Zayn isn’t facing Jericho again) and as soon as Joe can strike out on his own and not be another HHH project, he’ll be in the main event in about five seconds. Finally: BAHAHAHAHAHA TNA SCREWS UP AGAIN!!! They had this guy and decided that he needed to put over Sting instead of keeping the World Title. That’s freaking hilarious.
Sami Zayn vs. Rusev
Sami backs away from a kick to the head to start but gets taken to the mat. The fans want Lana but have to settle for Sami fighting out of a headlock and chopping away. Sami knocks him outside for the big flip dive but Rusev just blasts him with a kick to the head to take us to a break. Back with Rusev grabbing a bearhug and throwing Sami off a fall away slam. Sami finally avoids a charge in the corner and they head outside, only to have Rusev blast him with a clothesline. As they get back in though, Sami scores with the Helluva Kick, his only major move of the match, for the pin at 11:00.
Rating: C+. I can go for the idea of Sami getting the heck beaten out of him and then coming back for the pin with his finisher. It worked for Randy Savage back in the day and it’s going to work for someone like Sami, who is one of the best underdogs ever. If it gets us to Joe vs. Sami, so be it.
Post match Sami says he never gives up or sells out like Samoa Joe, so here’s Joe to jump him. The beating begins and Sami gets choked out.
Teddy Long Hall of Fame video.
Ariya Daivari vs. Akira Tozawa
Brian Kendrick is on commentary and takes credit for the indy movement in WWE. They slug it out to start with Daivari looking freaked out by Tozawa’s shouting. A kick to the chest and a backsplash get two but Tozawa misses a charge into the corner. Daivari drops a knee and grabs a sleeper. That goes nowhere so some fast kicks (with fast camera cuts) drop Daivari setting up the snap German suplex to give Tozawa the pin at 3:11.
Rating: C. The shouting got a bit annoying but the idea of Kendrick claiming to be the mentor while Tozawa never acknowledges it is intriguing. I don’t know if it’s going to go anywhere of note but 205 Live is the land of simple stories being done well so maybe they can pull something off. Anything that involves Kendrick taking a beating is a good thing at least.
Jericho introduces the Festival of Friendship and that means a bunch of showgirls coming out to welcome him to the ring. Jericho is in a shiny hat and jacket but Owens looks downright confused. There’s a bunch of covered stuff set up in the ring and Jericho promises a bunch of gifts.
First up: a sculpture of what looks like two people intertwined. Owens: “What is it?” Apparently it cost $7,000 and while Owens wants to call it stupid, he calls it a steal. Next is a painting of Jericho and Owens’ fingers touching ala the Michelangelo painting. Jericho thinks it belongs over Owens’ mantle. Owens: “Chris I have two kids and you’re not wearing pants!” Jericho: “It’s art! You don’t need pants!”
Finally, Jericho has a magician named Friendship who does some basic tricks (I’m a sucker for magic so this is the highlight so far). Owens says he has a nine year old son with a magic kit and he can do the same trick. Jericho agrees on the bad performance so Friendship the Magician JUST MADE THE LIST! After admitting that he found the magician on Craigslist, Jericho says this is just the beginning.
The real present is calling out Goldberg, who is going to get……we go to and come back from a commercial break……IT! We get the music but it’s Gillberg, who Owens promptly destroys. He’s not happy though and wants to know what Jericho is thinking. Jericho says he did this for his best friend and promises that Owens will retain the title at Fastlane.
Owens smiles and says he has a gift for Jericho too. It’s a NEW LIST….but Jericho’s name is on it! Jericho pulls it out of the box and it’s the LIST OF KO! Owens jumps Jericho and destroys him with the apron powerbomb. Jericho is sent into a big sign in the ring, leaving Owens to be showered in boos.
This was EXCELLENT and you could tell the crowd completely bought into the whole thing. The key here is simple: Jericho was doing something nice for his friend and Owens turned on him anyway. It makes Owens out to be a jerk while Jericho was a nice guy who was on the wrong side. That creates sympathy for Jericho and will make his face turn feel much more natural. Of course a lot of the heat goes away if Goldberg takes the title (though Jericho costing Owens would be nice) but Lesnar vs. Goldberg just couldn’t get over on its own.
A bloody Jericho is stretchered out.
Cesaro vs. Enzo Amore
Before Cesaro comes out, Enzo accuses him of being a James Bond villain. Cesaro uppercuts the heck out of him to start and there’s the gutwrench suplex. Back in and Enzo grabs the middle rope DDT, only to eat Swiss Death for the pin at 2:43.
Black History Month video on Rosa Parks.
Charlotte yells at Sasha Banks for being injured.
Women’s Title: Bayley vs. Charlotte
Charlotte is defending and they start slowly here with the champ working on the arm. Bayley does the same with some armdrags but Charlotte slaps her in the face. That just earns her an even harder slap to put Charlotte outside as we take a break. Back with Bayley Hulking Up until Charlotte whipping the back of Bayley’s head into the bottom rope.
A jawbreaker gets Bayley out of trouble but the neckbreaker into a choke has her right back in said trouble. The Ric Flair kneedrop sets up a dragon sleeper but Bayley climbs the corner to flip out. Another big boot stomps Bayley though and the pace slows right back down. A moonsault off the barricade makes Bayley’s neck even worse as Charlotte is beating the heck out of her.
Back inside and it’s time for another comeback with some hard chops and the middle rope elbow for two. Bayley goes one step higher with a top rope elbow for two more, followed by a top rope hurricanrana for the same. The fans are WAY into this and it’s not hard to see why. Bayley grabs a modified Figure Four but here’s Dana Brooke to rake the eyes for the save. Charlotte grabs the Figure Eight but here’s Sasha to hit Dana with the crutch. Charlotte takes a shot of her own to break it up and the Bayley to Belly gives Bayley the title at 18:03.
Rating: B+. The good storytelling continues here as they set up the underdog story so well. You can even forgive the interference as Sasha was only evening things up. I wouldn’t have changed the title here but after that Festival of Friendship, the fans needed something to bring them back to life and this is about as good as it’s going to get. Of course none of this matters if Charlotte walks out of Wrestlemania (yes Wrestlemania) as champion again but it’s a nice moment here. I’m sure I’ll have more on this one later but the match was much stronger than I was expecting.
A big celebrating ends the show.
Overall Rating: B. I liked this WAY more than I expected to and the big reason might be the match length. Save for Sami vs. Rusev (which had a commercial), nothing broke ten minutes until the main event. One of Raw’s biggest problems is the show feeling like it takes forever, which is often due to some very long matches that aren’t very good in the first place and are clearly there to fill in time. I never felt that way this week and it made for a MUCH more entertaining show.
As odd as it seems, Raw is looking a lot hotter than Smackdown at the moment with Owens looking like a monster heel, Jericho ready for the big (albeit short) face run and the women doing their usual thing. There are still problems but it’s looking good at the moment, which I never would have said even a week ago.
Results
Roman Reigns b. Anderson and Gallows via DQ when both attacked Reigns at once
Kofi Kingston b. Bo Dallas – SOS
Jack Gallagher b. Noam Dar – Running corner dropkick
Braun Strowman b. Mark Henry – Powerslam
Sami Zayn b. Rusev – Helluva Kick
Akira Tozawa b. Ariya Daivari – German suplex
Cesaro b. Enzo Amore – Pop up uppercut
Bayley b. Charlotte – Bayley to Belly
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the History of the WWE’s Big Four Pay Per Views, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
Works for me. Long is one of those lifers in wrestling and he deserves something like this. Teddy joins the Rock N Roll Express and Kurt Angle in the 2017 Class.
Elimination Chamber 2017: It’s Got The Whole Show In Its Hands
Elimination Chamber 2017 Date: February 12, 2017
Location: Talking Stick Resort Arena, Phoenix, Arizona
Commentators: Mauro Ranallo, John Bradshaw Layfield, Tom Phillips, David Otunga
We’re two weeks removed from the Royal Rumble and that means it’s time for another pay per view. This time it’s Smackdown only with the big namesake match setting up the Wrestlemania World Title match for the blue brand. The winner seems pretty obvious but that’s never stopped WWE before. Let’s get to it.
Pre-Show: Curt Hawkins vs. Mojo Rawley
They’ve been arguing online lately. Hawkins does his usual over the top pre-recorded entrance, which was really starting to grow on me before he disappeared. A right hand staggers Curt though and a three point tackle sends him outside. Hawkins sends him into the barricade and we take a break. Back with Hawkins working on the knee and getting two off a clothesline. Rawley hits his own and plants him with a huge slam, only to get poked in the eye. A Downward Spiral gives Hawkins two but Mojo keeps it simple with a running right hand in the corner. Mojo grabs a tilt-a-whirl slam for the pin at 8:01.
Rating: D+. Nothing special here but this is what a pre-show is supposed to be: a warmup that doesn’t take away from the pay per view. No one is going to remember this match in about twenty minutes but it still gives you a little something to get going. Rawley is a lot of fun and that’s why he was put into this spot.
The opening video is all about the Chamber, which is really all it could be about.
Becky Lynch vs. Mickie James
Lynch was chasing the Women’s Title when a masked woman cost her the title match. Of course it was James, who didn’t think Lynch deserved to say she was part of the Women’s Revolution. They lock up all the way to the floor to start with the break only coming when they have to dive back inside. Becky can’t get the arm so she sends James face first into the buckle instead.
Back in and James takes her down by the arm as the limb work begins. Thankfully JBL mentions that Mickie has been wrestling around the world without being in WWE, thereby cutting off the ring rust discussion. An armbar keeps things slow and Becky’s comeback is cut off by a nice takedown. A middle rope Thesz press gets two and Becky’s middle rope dropkick gives her the same. The Mick Kick knocks Becky silly for two and she can’t get the Disarm-Her. Instead she can grab a rollup for pin on James at 11:36.
Rating: C-. The arm stuff was a little boring but at least they had the arm play into the finish a little bit. The match was nothing all that special but it seems that there’s going to be something more from these two going forward. James is still young enough that she can do more than put people over so this is fine from a booking perspective. It’s not exactly interesting though and hardly the best choice for an opener.
James Ellsworth and Carmella are in a skybox and she’s not happy with Lynch winning. Sounds like something starts soon.
Apollo Crews/Kalisto vs. Dolph Ziggler
Ziggler jumps Kalisto during the entrances so let’s change things up to what this should have been in the first place.
Apollo Crews vs. Dolph Ziggler
Crews takes him into the corner to start but gets caught in a pair or neckbreakers. It’s too early for a superkick so Ziggler elbows him in the jaw instead. We hit the chinlock as this show hasn’t exactly been thrilling so far. There’s Ziggler’s third neckbreaker but Kalisto comes limping down to the ring. With Ziggler distracted, Crews gets in a very loud enziguri to set up the tag to Kalisto. The back is suddenly fine enough for the handspring enziguri and it’s back to Crews for the toss powerbomb and the pin at 7:19.
Rating: D. I can usually spin these things one way or another but I honestly have no idea how this benefits anyone. So Ziggler is smart enough to attack one of them but gets beaten anyway? Crews and Kalisto should celebrate winning with an advantage? That’s the logic to this whole thing? I don’t get it and I see no need to have Kalisto or Crews in there at the same time.
Post match Ziggler beats them up again and Pillmanizes Crews’ ankle. The fans cheer for Ziggler as Crews is taken out.
Tag Team Titles: Tag Team Turmoil
American Alpha is defending and this is basically a gauntlet match. Heath Slater/Rhyno and Breezango start things off with only the winners moving on. That process will continue until all six teams have entered. Slater and Breezango start things off as we hear about children in Bermuda having selfie sticks. It’s quickly off to Rhyno to work on Breeze’s shoulder as the ECW chants start up. Slater gets worked over in the corner for a bit and a rollup gets two. A blind tag brings in Rhyno though and a quick Gore gets rid of Breezango at 4:38.
The Vaudevillains are in next with Slater diving off the top to take both guys down. That’s about it for the offense for now though as Slater gets taken down into the corner, only to avoid a Swanton Bomb. An inverted DDT is enough to put English away at 7:45 total. The Usos are in fourth and easily take over on the winded Slater. As Mauro refers to the Chamber as the Cell again (Mauro: “DID I DO IT AGAIN???), a pop up Samoan drop gets two on Slater. Not that it matters though as a superkick gets rid of Slater and Rhyno at 9:55.
American Alpha come in fifth and it’s already time for the German suplexes. Gable gets two off a high crossbody but Jey dropkicks him down (Chad looks out of it) to take over. The slow beating continues with Gable being sent outside but a double clothesline allows the hot tag to Jordan. The Steiner Bulldog doesn’t work so Chad rolls Jey up for the pin at 15:19.
That’s not enough for the Usos though as they beat the heck out of the champs as the Ascension comes out last. For some reason Ascension takes forever to hit Fall of Man and Viktor doesn’t bother to take Gable out, meaning a save can be made. A knee to the face gets two on Jason but Viktor is sent shoulder first into the post. The hot tag brings Gable in and a very quick Grand Amplitude retains the titles at 21:08.
Rating: D+. Dang this show has been lame so far. This was really long (obviously) and filled in a lot of time but that doesn’t mean it was good. The Usos vs. Alpha part was fine but the falls were only about five minutes each, making this more a collection of TV matches than anything else. I wouldn’t mind seeing New Day come over to breathe some life into the division because this thing is just death right now.
We recap Nikki Bella vs. Natalya, which is over Nikki taking forever to realize Natalya attacked her at Survivor Series. Natalya then went all evil on Nikki, who apparently gained her fame because she’s dating John Cena, which of course got into the whole wrestler vs. diva thing that has been going on for years now.
Natalya vs. Nikki Bella
Nikki tries a cross armbreaker to start but Natalya easily wins the wrestling portion. A kneebar goes about as well so Nikki hits a clothesline off the apron. Natalya asks for time out before driving Nikki back first (close enough) into the post. Nikki fights up again but her double clothesline doesn’t do much good. We hit a long leglock on Nikki, followed by a Michinoku Driver for two.
Natalya keeps up the shouting but a forearm breaks up the Sharpshooter attempt. The Rack Attack 2.0 is broken up so Nikki gets in a spinebuster for two (not .0). Natalya gets in a superplex to put both of them down again and it’s Sharpshooter time. Since Nikki is now a technical wrestler, she slips out and grabs an STF, only to have Natalya make it to the ropes. They fight outside and that means a double countout at 13:26.
Rating: C-. Somehow this was one of the better matches of the night but I can’t handle Natalya’s constant yelling. It doesn’t help that I still find her to be the face in this whole thing as I buy what she’s said about Nikki. The double countout was a pretty bad idea here and I’m sure we’ll see a gimmick rematch of some kind.
Natalya punches her post match but gets speared on the ramp.
Carmella says those two are out of control and Ellsworth repeats her.
Bray says the Family will reunite.
We recap Randy Orton vs. Luke Harper. Luke got jealous of Orton getting Bray’s attention and left the Family as a result. Of course that means a match.
Luke Harper vs. Randy Orton
No Bray in sight of course. They yell at each other to start and do a long lockup with Harper hitting an early shoulder. That means a trip to the floor (way too common tonight) with Luke getting the better of it, only to get knocked off the top for a big crash. Harper gets dropped over the announcers’ table and it’s time to hit the chinlock.
The trend of slow paced matches continue as Orton stops to do his pose in the corner. That’s enough for Harper to start his comeback, including a slingshot hilo of all things, followed by a big boot for two. Orton is sent outside for the suicide shove and a drop onto the announcers’ table to make up for earlier.
Back in and Orton gets in his superplex (looks as cool as ever) for two more and it’s time for a slugout. The RKO doesn’t work so Orton uses a full nelson slam of all things for two more. Another RKO attempt is broken up with a superkick and a second gives Harper his best near fall yet. There’s a Batista Bomb for another two and it’s time for the slugout from their knees. Back up and the discus lariat is countered into the RKO for the pin at 17:13.
Rating: B. Good match here with the most obvious finish on the whole show. This just wasn’t going to happen two weeks after the Royal Rumble so there wasn’t exactly another option for this ending. Harper got a nice rub here but at some point he needs to win something before he becomes the new Cesaro.
Nikki and Natalya brawl even more with Nikki running into Maryse to send some powder flying. I’m guessing that sets up Nikki/Cena vs. Miz/Maryse.
Women’s Title: Naomi vs. Alexa Bliss
Naomi is challenging after pinning Bliss in a few tag matches. Bliss has a Wonder Woman motif for her gear. Alexa spits gum at Naomi to start but gets armdragged down. That earns Naomi a hard whip into the corner with a loud crack against the turnbuckle. They trade some rollups until simultaneous kicks to the head put both of them down.
The Rear View gets two on the champ but she forearms Naomi down. Insult to Injury gets two and Alexa’s snap DDT gets the same. Alexa is starting to get frustrated and that’s not a good sign. Twisted Bliss hits knees though and Naomi gets in the split legged moonsault for the pin and the title in somewhat of an upset at 8:13.
Rating: D+. Eh fine, though Bliss could have held the title for a long time. This feels like something more about giving the show some excitement but Naomi isn’t exactly the best in the world at connecting with the fans. Hopefully Bliss stays in the title picture because she’s one of the better performers in the division. Naomi winning is fine but really just there, which isn’t great.
Naomi thanks the fans and is glad the fans feel the glow.
Carmella is tired of being asked questions so Ellsworth throws the interviewer out.
The Chamber (now mainly square with a big WWE logo on top) is lowered.
We recap the main event, which was really just announced one week on Smackdown as a way to have Cena defend his newly won title.
Smackdown World Title: John Cena vs. AJ Styles vs. Dean Ambrose vs. The Miz vs. Baron Corbin vs. Bray Wyatt
There are five minute intervals here and Cena is defending. Cena and Styles start and I don’t think anyone is going to be complaining. They take their time to start with Cena shouldering him down but Styles comes back with his torture rack into the spinning powerbomb. A Code Red gets two on AJ and Cena grabs the ProtoBomb but Dean Ambrose comes in third.
Ambrose goes right for AJ and gives him a release suplex on the cage floor outside the ring. Dean goes to the top of his pod for the elbow drop on Cena to put all three down. Cena will have none of this though and German suplexes both of them at once (Mauro: “Not a bird or a plane. It’s Super Cena!”). Wyatt comes in (way before five minutes have passed) and immediately runs Cena over.
Bray throws AJ into the cage so AJ sends him into the post. Now it’s Styles and Cena climbing the cage wall with John crashing down (onto the padded floor), leaving AJ to climb onto the top of the pod for a slugout with Ambrose. Bray pulls Dean down and hammers away, only to have AJ cut him off. That earns Styles a choke throw off the top of the pod but Dean powerbombs Bray down at the same time for a Tower of Doom.
Corbin comes in fifth and cleans house (as you would expect), including countering Sister Abigail by sending Bray into the pod. AJ takes the End of Days, leaving Cena to grab the STF on Baron. That’s countered as well and Cena eats End of Days but rolls outside. Corbin and Ambrose throw each other into the cage wall over and over with Baron getting the better of it.
Miz comes in sixth (one of the few times, if not the only time, that everyone is legal at the same time but stays in the pod, allowing Dean to roll Corbin up for the pin at 18:42. Corbin throws Ambrose through the pod, followed by End of Days. As soon as Corbin is gone, Miz runs in and pins Ambrose at 20:46.
Miz starts doing the YES Kicks to Cena and Wyatt and hits the running corner dropkicks for good measure. Wyatt gets the Skull Crushing Finale on the floor, leaving Cena to AA Miz out at 24:33. AJ and Wyatt (up WAY too fast) double team Cena, who of course fights back and AA’s Wyatt. He can’t hit one on AJ though and the Styles Clash gets two. The AA gets the same on Styles so Cena goes to the top of the pod, points to the sign (required) and dives onto both guys. Bray is up first and Sister Abigail eliminates Cena at 29:15.
That makes Wyatt the huge face in the match now (not that big of a jump) and he runs AJ over, only to eat a forearm for two. The Phenomenal Blitz is cut off by a clothesline but Styles gets in the Pele and a springboard 450 for another near fall. AJ loads up the Phenomenal Forearm but gets caught in Sister Abigail for the pin to give Bray the title at 34:31.
Rating: A. Well that was well deserved and you can’t say they didn’t put him over VERY strong with back to back pins over Cena and Styles. It’s a very good match and the kind of way to put the title on Bray, but I really hope they don’t hot shot it over to Orton in the first title defense. Wyatt needs to shake off the choker idea and this is going to help a lot but losing at Wrestlemania would bring him right back down. Still though, he won here and that’s what matters most.
Ort….actually one more thing before we get there.
“BUT KB! WYATT WAS TOTALLY BURIED LAST YEAR AT WRESTLEMANIA WHEN ROCK MADE FUN OF HIM AND THERE’S NO WAY HE COULD EVER RECOVER!!!” It’s almost like anyone with a brain could have told you otherwise but no, let’s just immediately freak out because Rock, the best trash talker ever, made jokes about Wyatt. It was stupid then and this is even more proof.
That’s better.
Orton comes out for the staredown to end the show. JBL: “Does this mean Randy Orton is going to face Bray Wyatt at Wrestlemania?” Dang it JBL go talk to another legend and let Saxton handle the stupid questions.
Overall Rating: C. The main event REALLY bails this horrible show out but it certainly doesn’t save it. Simply put, this show didn’t need to exist outside of the Chamber and they would have been better off having a big match on Smackdown or just changing the title at the Rumble instead of doing the two week Cena run (still longer than Flair’s sixteenth run but remember: Flair’s automatically means more because he’s Ric Flair and we can’t criticize him).
The rest of the show was really tedious (aside from Orton vs. Harper) though and shows how weak Smackdown can be at times. The main event and Orton’s match helped a lot though and that’s what this show needed. It’s a long way to Wrestlemania and I’m not sure how strong Smackdown’s contributions are going to be. At least Wyatt won though and that’s the important thing.
Results
Becky Lynch b. Mickie James – Rollup
Apollo Crews/Kalisto b. Dolph Ziggler – Toss powerbomb
American Alpha won Tag Team Turmoil last eliminating Ascension
Nikki Bella vs. Natalya went to a double countout
Randy Orton b. Luke Harper – RKO
Naomi b. Alexa Bliss – Split legged moonsault
Bray Wyatt b. The Miz, Dean Ambrose, John Cena, Baron Corbin and AJ Styles – Sister Abigail to Styles
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the History of the WWE’s Big Four Pay Per Views, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
We’re two weeks removed from one of the biggest shows of the year and that means we’re ready for another major pay per view which will likely change the way “Wrestlemania XXXIII” looks. That’s right, it’s time for “Elimination Chamber 2017”, a “Smackdown Live” show with two matches containing eighteen wrestlers between them. It’s a rather interesting looking card so let’s get to it.
Kickoff Show: Mojo Rawley vs. Curt Hawkins
It’s quite the change to go from a Tag Team Title match to this in the span of two weeks. I’m not sure if this really is the best they can do but it really does show how limited the “Smackdown Live” roster is in some places. This seems more like a match that should set up a tag team later on but for now, we’ve got the two of them fighting in the battle over who was a better partner for Zack Ryder.
I’ll go with Rawley here as he seems to have the bigger upside since Hawkins’ character has died a horrible death since having an interesting debut. Rawley could be something with his ridiculous charisma but I don’t know if it’s going to be enough to carry him past the midcard. At least he’s getting a shot here but it’s going to take more than the Hammer Time dance. He’ll likely win here though.
Women’s Title: Naomi vs. Alexa Bliss
It makes sense to get some of these out of the way as there are three women’s matches on this one show. We’ll start with Bliss defending the title in a pretty thrown together match, which actually isn’t as much of a layup as it seems. I know Naomi is the athletic freak who always seems to come up just short of winning the big one but Bliss seems vulnerable enough for Naomi to finally pull it off.
That being said, I don’t think she actually does it and Bliss will retain here. Bliss has turned into one heck of a champion and there are a lot of options to take the title off of her in a really big way. Losing it to Naomi at “Elimination Chamber 2017” really isn’t all that big of a deal and I can’t imagine Naomi defending the thing at the biggest show of the year. So yeah, Bliss retains in a match that could range from highly entertaining to a horrible disaster.
Kalisto/Apollo Crews vs. Dolph Ziggler
Can someone explain this one to me without making my head hurt very badly? From what I can gather, Crews and Kalisto have beaten the heel Ziggler now but due to him attacking both of them with chairs, they now get to fight him at the same time. You know, the faces getting the advantage over the heel who is supposed to be the one getting the big push out of this.
Somehow though, Ziggler probably wins here and we completely forget about his losses because that’s how things work in WWE: nothing matters until the ending, which makes things even dumber than they were in the first place. Kalisto and Crews aren’t likely to go anywhere (aside from a big ladder match for the Intercontinental Title) and for some reason WWE still things Ziggler is going to be the big deal all these years later. At least he’ll retain his title as most overrated and uninteresting performer in WWE.
Nikki Bella vs. Natalya
Now here’s the real women’s main event because we don’t know how much longer Bella is going to be around for us to call her fearless and stand in awe of her greatness. Again I’m not sure what the story is supposed to be here as Bella has looked like an idiot for not realizing that Natalya attacked her at “Survivor Series 2016” while everyone else knew it. Then there was something about who sells the most t-shirts and a potential wedding to John Cena because EVERYTHING IS ABOUT BELLA AND CENA GETTING MARRIED ONE DAY BECAUSE….sorry this isn’t “Total Divas” so we’ll move on.
Naturally Bella wins because Natalya is just a wrestler (yeah earlier this week, Bella said Natalya is only a great wrestler. I love that we’ve somehow reached the point where “YOU’RE REALLY GOOD AT WHAT WE’RE DOING!” is the biggest insult that can be mustered and by a face no less. Bella wins of course and I continue to try to figure out what the heck she’s talking about.
Luke Harper vs. Randy Orton
In a way this is one of the more interesting matches on the card, even though there’s only one way it could possibly go. It’s kind of hard to get behind the concept of Harper having a chance here as Orton is on his way to “Wrestlemania XXXIII” but at least we could get a strong performance out of him, as Harper is so often known to deliver. The idea here of Orton taking Bray Wyatt’s attention and Harper turning on the team as a result is interesting but it’s not enough here.
So of course Orton wins and I don’t think there’s an easier match on the show to predict. Orton is on a higher level than Harper right now (and has been for his entire career of course) so there isn’t exactly a ton of doubt to this one, nor should there be. If this were at another show with Orton not coming off winning the Royal Rumble, I might be able to be tempted into an upset pick but it’s just not happening here.
Becky Lynch vs. Mickie James
We’ll wrap up the ladies’ trifecta here with a straight grudge match. James says that she was the one who should get the credit for the Women’s Revolution while Lynch says James left when things started getting tough (of course we know that it was really Stephanie McMahon who started the Revolution by just talking about it). This was preceded by James dressing up like a luchadora, which kind of fits her given how off the wall she can be at times.
I think I’ll go with James here as I can’t bring myself to say WWE will go with Lynch as we head into “Wrestlemania XXXIII”. There’s a logic to having Lynch fight back and regain the title in Orlando but I have a feeling we’re more likely to get a big multi-woman tag or some mess like that instead. Therefore, James wins here and Lynch lives to fight another day, as is the case so often with her.
Tag Team Turmoil
There are so many teams in this match that aren’t worth mentioning so I’ll just go with the defending American Alpha and their most likely challengers, the Usos. There’s just no reason to believe that the other four teams have any real chance of winning so we’ll just go with these guys, assuming there’s no debuting team added on to the end.
That being said, I’ll take Alpha to retain and continue their rather ho-hum title reign. The problem here is the same thing that has plagued so many NXT talents: WWE feels the need to take everything that makes the team work in the first place and then get rid of those things for the sake of….well I have no idea actually. Alpha wins here and prays every night that the Revival is called up and half the roster gets a bad case of the flu.
John Cena vs. Bray Wyatt vs. Dean Ambrose vs. AJ Styles vs. Baron Corbin vs. The Miz
And then there’s this, which depends on how much you believe in rumors and dirtsheets. If you buy into them, this is Wyatt’s all the way and his match with Orton is pretty much set in stone. If you don’t though, you have some options. To get it out of the way, Corbin, Ambrose (already Intercontinental Champion) and Miz are flat out not winning. That leaves us with three viable options.
Cena could certainly retain and go on to face someone at “Wrestlemania XXXIII”, though I’m not sure who that’s going to be. There’s also the chance of putting it back on Styles, though again, who would he face in Orlando? Cena again? I really can’t picture them going with that.
Given that I write for one, of course I’m going with the dirtsheets and picking Wyatt, which unfortunately means we’ll have to hear JBL’s ridiculous commentary talking about how evil Wyatt is going to be. Anyway, Wyatt winning is the logical choice here but I’m really worried about how the rest of the blue side is going to fall out for the big show.
This is one of the weirdest cards I’ve ever seen and that could mean multiple things. This could be a show where everything is a mess and shows off how horrible the Brand Split is or it could be one of the biggest surprises of the year. The whole thing is built around how well the main event goes and with the talent in there, I can’t imagine it being anything but solid at worst. I’m looking forward to the show but it still doesn’t need to exist.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the History of the WWE’s Big Four Pay Per Views, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
He had been diagnosed with liver cancer earlier this year so this wasn’t the biggest shock. It’s still never a good thing to see happen though. He and his brothers gave a Chicago crowd one of the biggest shocks ever at SuperClash III with all their crazy high spots that no one around there had ever seen before. Check that match out if you’ve never seen the Guerrero Brothers as a team. It’s on the Network and features a young and unknown Cactus Jack as one of the opponents.
Smackdown – September 12, 2002: Billy and Chuck and Eric and Stephanie
Smackdown Date: September 12, 2002
Location: Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz
TIME FOR A WEDDING! Er, a commitment ceremony! So this time around, WWE has decided to try and run a gay wedding for the sake of publicity, which is exactly what they got from it. Billy and Chuck are becoming “tag team partners for life” here and I’ll give you three guesses how legitimate this is. Let’s get to it.
We open with a wedding invitation because of course we do. Oh and this is the season premiere. So last week’s average show was a season finale? They need to work on this stuff.
Video on Brock Lesnar vs. Undertaker’s confrontation last week.
Opening sequence.
Brock Lesnar vs. Hardcore Holly
Non-title. They slug it out to start with Holly hanging in there until it’s an overhead belly to belly suplex to make things right with the world. A front facelock only seems to annoy Holly and he takes Lesnar outside to turn it into another brawl. Raw power gets Lesnar out of trouble again though as he sends Holly back first into the post and grabs another suplex. The LESNAR chants start up with the announcers mentioning his connections to the state. That’s a simple little save but very helpful to keeping Lesnar looking like a heel.
A delayed vertical suplex sets up a bearhug but Brock charges into some boots in the corner. That earns him a completely botched powerbomb with Holly handing on his head, putting him out of action for over a year. Holly somehow gets in a dropkick and the kick to the ribs, only to eat the F5 for the pin.
Rating: D. Really dull stuff here and that’s not the most surprising thing in the world. What is surprising is seeing Holly popping up and finishing the match despite his neck being destroyed like that. I know he might not be the most popular guy in the world but he’s certainly one of the toughest, which means a lot on its own.
Undertaker and his wife arrive. Uh, didn’t that go badly for Undertaker last time?
Eddie Guerrero/Chavo Guerrero vs. John Cena/Edge
Cena is in Minnesota Vikings colors and it’s a brawl to start with the cousins jumping the makeshift team to start. That earns Eddie a pull of the mullet before Cena spins out of a double top wristlock. Eddie and Chavo beat him down on the floor though and Chavo gets in a very hard clothesline.
Back to back gorilla press slams have Eddie in trouble so he calmly dropkicks the knee out because Cena isn’t ready to take Eddie on yet. The tag brings in Edge to clean house until Chavo crotches him against the post. Eddie runs up the corner for a hurricanrana but the half nelson faceplant is enough for the hot tag to Cena (Fan’s sign: “HOT TAG!”. Eh better than “the guy behind me can’t see”.). Everything breaks down and Edge goes shoulder first into the post. Cena is left all alone to take the brainbuster and frog splash for the pin.
Rating: C+. This worked like you would expect it to but I continue to be confused by Cena. He came in white hot and hit the ground running but then he was losing to D-Von and getting pinned clean in tag matches. As is so often the case, you need more than just a wrestling match to get someone over and the lack of any development is really hurting Cena.
Post match Eddie loads up a Stinkface with Chavo playing Rikishi but Edge breaks it up and puts Eddie’s face in there instead.
As expected, Eddie goes nuts on Chavo post break.
Undertaker says Sara is here because she has family in Minneapolis. Matt Hardy comes in and says he’ll have a kid one day with all his Mattributes. That earns Matt a shove into a wall, earning Undertaker the promise of a Mattitude Adjustment.
Rico can’t get the right figures on top of a cake but needs to talk to Stephanie. She can’t go because she has bad luck at weddings (ok I chuckled at that) but Rico gets close to having a meltdown and talks her into it.
Kurt Angle vs. Rey Mysterio
Kurt thinks it’s funny that we’re in “Mini” and he’s facing Mysterio again. Angle: “You know, mini? He’s short. Oh come on that’s funny.” Angle doesn’t want to hear Chris Benoit laughing at him anymore either but jumps back to Mysterio, who is a boy in a man’s world. Kurt: “And I’m a man who loves to play with boys. Wait! I meant to say you’re a boy and I’m a man and tonight I’m going to manhandle you!” If that’s not enough comedy for you, the announcers spend Mysterio’s entrance talking about how the wedding isn’t for ratings and Bischoff used HLA to catch up with Smackdown’s quality.
Some early suplexes have Rey in trouble so he speeds things up (makes sense) with a headscissors. Angle goes shoulder first into the post and a springboard moonsault gets two. A frustrated Kurt flips Rey upside down with a release German suplex and things get more into Kurt’s pace.
We hit the bodyscissors to keep Rey down, followed by some rolling German suplexes to make things even worse. Rey fights right back with a moonsault press and a crossbody to put Angle on the floor. The 619 looks to set up the West Coast Pop but Kurt has to settle for a regular hurricanrana for a close two. Rey takes a bit too long going up though and the corner running Angle Slam puts him away.
Rating: B+. For a TV match, this was absolutely great stuff. These two always have chemistry together, but to be fair that’s the case with almost anyone Angle faces. He’s the kind of guy who can have a good match against anyone and it made for an entertaining match here. Really strong match and that shouldn’t be a surprise in the slightest.
Someone from the wedding party arrives in a long black limousine.
Chris Benoit vs. Rikishi
Rikishi slugs away to start and grabs a sitout spinebuster for no cover. Instead Rikishi gets kicked low and chopped down but the Crossface can’t go on full. Rikishi fights up and tries the Rump Shaker, only to get caught in a rather impressive electric chair drop. The Swan Dive is loaded up but here’s Angle to shove Benoit off the top for the DQ.
Rating: D. So you remember how I said Angle can work well with anyone? Well that’s not the case with Rikishi, who just has no place at this level and everyone knows it. I really have no idea why he’s here, especially when there are a lot of people ready to be raised up to get a shot like this. Orton and Cena are reduced to jobbing roles but Rikishi can be pushed this hard?
Post match Angle holds Benoit in place for the Stinkface.
The wedding ceremony is being set up so Benoit spends the time getting a match with Angle at Unforgiven. Stephanie agrees as Matt comes in and gets a match with Undertaker tonight.
Here’s Rico to complain about how the ceremony isn’t what he ordered, including a very old Justice of the Peace. The singers belt out It’s Raining Men to bring Billy and Chuck to the ring (edited off the Network of course, making for a very awkward transition) and the old man dances. With the Justice’s hands shaking, Chuck talks about how he didn’t know much about Billy when they met.
Billy might have captured a lot of tag team gold but now he’s captured Chuck’s heart. Billy: “That was corny! Even for you!” Rings are exchanged and Rico is all aglow. Rico presents a video called Our Love Story with various comedic/romantic moments between the two of them which is so cheesy it almost works in a way.
We get the speak now line and here’s Godfather with the ladies. Godfather knows Billy has some pimp in him and Chuck was a great skirt chaser, especially with the heftier ladies. Rico will have none of this and dismisses the “Good Time Girls” so the ceremony can continue. Anyway, Billy says yes and Chuck does the same, albeit with some cold feet.
The Justice of the Peace almost pronounces them as married but Chuck says hang on because this was a publicity stunt that got WAY out of hand. Billy flat out says they’re not gay but they have no problem with gay people. Rico loses it but the Justice of the Peace says this is the kind of love that can go on for fifty years, sixteen months…..or three minutes.
The shaking stops and the voice changes with the old man ripping off the prosthetic makeup to reveal Eric Bischoff. I know you can tell it a lot better now with the voice but this COMPLETELY got me back in the day and was one of the best surprises I had ever seen. 3 Minute Warning comes in for the beatdown with Bischoff holding Stephanie back.
Stephanie takes a Samoan drop (BIG pop for that) and I’m sure that’s going to warrant another year of her glorious presence on TV. Edge, Cena and Mysterio come in for the save. The rest of the locker room comes out as well because WE ALL LOVE STEPHANIE and Smackdown is awesome and such.
This one deserves a few notes. First of all, we come back from a break with a listen to the Unforgiven theme song: Adrenaline by Gavin Rossdale, featuring the line “Nobody said this stuff makes any sense.” Well of course it doesn’t. It’s a wrestling angle mainly focusing on the bosses.
That’s the next important note: the recap focuses almost ENTIRELY on Bischoff and Stephanie with the whole wedding, Billy and Chuck, Rico and 3 Minute Warning and anything else being forgotten because we need a long look at how stunned Stephanie was. I know it was shocking, but there were more people there than just Stephanie.
Third, this whole “WE’RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER” stuff didn’t work for WCW and it didn’t work in the Invasion so it’s not going to work here. We just watched Edge shove Eddie’s face into a rather unpleasant area of Chavo’s body but OH NO STEPHANIE IS IN TROUBLE so they’ll band together to help save her? Get out of here with that nonsense. It’s way too much to accept and it’s all for the sake of pushing Raw vs. Smackdown which wasn’t interesting in the first place and still isn’t here.
Finally, I have to mention GLAAD (a gay rights group) completely buying into the story and actually sending a wedding present (it was a gravy boat). After it was revealed to be a ruse, GLAAD ripped WWE apart, all while people were laughing at them for somehow trusting a PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING ANGLE to be on the up and up. That always gave me a good chuckle and I really don’t feel a bit sorry for them looking stupid. Think this stuff through.
Nidia vs. Torrie Wilson
It’s a brawl on the floor to start with Torrie getting in a few chops to take over. The announcers talk about the wedding shenanigans and for once it’s acceptable given how big (albeit stupid) that angle was. Nidia charge into the buckle and gets caught with a neckbreaker for the fast pin.
Undertaker tells Sara this won’t take long.
Matt recruits Brock to be at ringside with him.
Undertaker vs. Matt Hardy
Lesnar and Heyman are at ringside too. Heyman immediately starts running around the ring and throws a chair in with Tazz blaming Stacker 2 (sponsor) for all the energy. Undertaker will have none of this and grabs a powerslam to plant Hardy. Heyman gets ejected and the distraction lets Hardy get in a low blow.
A quick clothesline from Brock puts Undertaker down again and that’s a second ejection. As you probably guessed, Undertaker shrugs it off and beats the heck out of Matt but Heyman shows up in Sara’s locker room. Undertaker runs off for the save (thankfully without an awkward stare at the screen) and the no contest.
Rating: D. This was an excuse to get to the ending and there’s nothing wrong with that. They didn’t exactly hide what they were going for with Sara being shown right before the match and that’s how it should have gone. I’ll even give them points for Hardy not losing, which really is kind of a surprise.
Undertaker charges to the back and chokes Heyman but takes a chair to the head from Lesnar. Brock puts his hand on Sara’s pregnant stomach to end the show.
Overall Rating: C-. The wedding sent this one flying off a cliff and there wasn’t enough time to recover. That twenty minute segment sucked the life out of the place and that’s not good considering how big of a deal this was supposed to be. I really don’t know how much longer they can keep up this Stephanie vs. Eric stuff but knowing WWE, I’d put a low estimate at about six months minimum with the audience’s level of interest having no impact whatsoever.
The rest of the show was up and down as well but that Angle vs. Mysterio match is worth checking out. I had a good time with some of it but so much of the show was built around one really bad idea that it’s hard to give it the benefit of the doubt. Unforgiven is getting one of the worst builds to a pay per view I’ve seen in a long time and that’s not good, especially after a classic like Summerslam.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the History of the WWE’s Big Four Pay Per Views, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here: