Smackdown
Date: January 31, 2017
Location: American Bank Center, Corpus Christi, Texas
Commentators: Mauro Ranallo, John Bradshaw Layfield, Tom Phillips, David Otunga

We’re less than nine weeks away from Wrestlemania and most of the interesting things at the Royal Rumble were from the blue brand. John Cena is the new Smackdown World Champion and Randy Orton won the Royal Rumble but there’s a good chance things will change inside the Elimination Chamber in twelve days. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the Royal Rumble with a variety of media quotes about the show.

AJ Styles is glaring at the video of Cena posing with the title when the bosses appear on either side of him. He wants his rematch and doesn’t want it inside the Elimination Chamber. As for tonight though, it’s time to start getting ready for the Chamber, which will feature Cena, Styles, the Miz, Baron Corbin, Bray Wyatt and Dean Ambrose. Speaking of Ambrose, he comes in and a main event of Styles vs. Ambrose is set for later tonight.

Here’s John Cena for his first comments as champion. After telling the fans to let him know what they think of him, he praises AJ Styles as an elite athlete and more than just a guy from Atlanta. That brings him to the Elimination Chamber when it’s not time to celebrate because it’s time to fight. That makes Smackdown the place to be and John Cena the man to beat so if you want some, come get some.

Cue Wyatt and Randy Orton with Bray talking about how destiny has brought them here and the title is coming to the Family no matter what. Orton promises to end the vicious cycle at Wrestlemania when the championship will be set free. The Wyatts slowly come to the ring but Luke Harper shows up for the save, which fires Cena up WAY more than you would expect. The Wyatts bail and here’s Shane to make the tag match.

John Cena/Luke Harper vs. Bray Wyatt/Randy Orton

Cena shoves Wyatt around to start and it’s quickly off to Harper vs. Orton with Luke going rather violent. Harper takes Orton to the floor for a belly to back suplex onto the announcers’ table and the fans are WAY into Luke here. Wyatt comes in and Harper immediately backs off for the tag off to Cena. JBL: “This doesn’t bode well for John Cena!” Uh, it’s not that big a deal John. Just pair off appropriately and everything is fine.

Cena gets double teamed in the corner and we take a break. Back with Cena hitting the elevated DDT but getting in a clothesline to put both guys down. Bray comes in and stares Harper down to break up another hot tag attempt. Harper doesn’t mind and comes in anyway to go after Wyatt but Orton saves his buddy from Sister Abigail. That earns Randy a big boot but Harper eats Sister Abigail. The RKO ends Cena at 13:29.

Rating: C+. That’s an interesting ending as the trolling continues with the WWE actually wanting us to believe that Orton vs. Cena will take place at Wrestlemania. Wyatt vs. Harper could be interesting and I’m VERY glad they didn’t have Harper take the pin. In a way, Cena taking the pin made the most sense here as he’s easily able to bounce back no matter what. That’s not always the case with champions but Cena isn’t your normal name.

Carmella vs. Delilah Dawson

James Ellsworth introduces Carmella and JBL describes Dawson as a cross between Rey Mysterio and a Smurf (she has blue hair). Dawson actually gets in a rollup for two until Ellsworth trips her up. The Code of Silence makes Dawson tap at 1:30. Ellsworth is kind of perfect in this role and with the amount of t-shirts he sold, there’s nothing wrong with keeping him around.

Kalisto vs. Dolph Ziggler

Ziggler takes him straight down and drops the big elbow with Kalisto holding his heart. Apollo Crews is watching in the back and Kalisto gets caught in a neckbreaker for two. The superkick ends Kalisto at 2:02.

Ziggler goes for the mask but Crews chases him off.

Naomi and Becky Lynch are ready for Alexa Bliss and Mickie James.

Naomi/Becky Lynch vs. Alexa Bliss/Mickie James

Becky chases Bliss off to start and it’s off to Naomi, who misses a charge into the ropes. Alexa hits the knees into the moonsault knees but hurts herself (doesn’t seem serious), allowing the hot tag off to Mickie. The Bexploder gets two on Mickie and everything breaks down as we take a break.

Back with Alexa holding Becky in a chinlock until it’s off to Mickie for one of her own. Becky kicks Alexa away and the hot tag brings in Naomi for a springboard clothesline. The dancing kicks and a faceplant get two on Alexa as Becky and Mickie fight to the floor. An enziguri and the split legged moonsault put Alexa away at 11:03.

Rating: C. I’m not wild on the two champions taking falls here but at least this one helps set up a title match. Coming into this feud I never would have thought Naomi would have a real shot at winning the title but they’ve got me thinking it could happen, which says quite a bit. This serves its purpose well and that’s all that matters.

American Alpha wants some competition so they’re going to issue an open challenge for the titles.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: American Alpha vs. Usos

American Alpha is defending and JBL says this is going to be great, despite Alpha pinning the Usos in 34 seconds at one point. Actually hang on a second as the Ascension, the Vaudevillains, Breezango and Heath Slater/Rhyno all come out and turn it into a huge brawl. Referees come out as well and we take a break with no bell. Back with the brawl still going on and no semblance of order whatsoever. Slater and Rhyno and Alpha are the only teams left in the ring and Alpha’s music plays with no match actually announced.

We look back at Nikki Bella and Natalya getting in a fight last week.

Daniel Bryan is on the phone with Brie when Natalya and her security come in. Natalya wants to talk about her new merchandise but Nikki comes in and interrupts. Daniel has enough and makes a match between the women at Elimination Chamber.

Dean Ambrose vs. AJ Styles

Non-title with Miz on commentary. Dean snaps off some armdrags to start and headlocks AJ to the mat. We hit a Texas cloverleaf of all things before Dean shifts it over to something like the Rings of Saturn. They head outside with Styles sending him into the announcers’ table but Dean stomps him down in the corner to take over again.

Dean loads up a dive to the floor but here’s Baron Corbin for a distraction as we take a break. Back with Corbin on commentary as well as Styles gets two off a pumphandle gutbuster. Dirty Deeds is broken up by AJ’s rush of strikes (which Mauro dubs the Phenomenal Blitz) to put both guys down. AJ’s rack neckbreaker is countered and Styles is knocked out to the floor.

The suicide dive is broken up by a forearm to the head and they trade some hot near falls, including one off the fireman’s carry into a backbreaker. The rebound lariat puts AJ down but Dean doesn’t cover. The top rope elbow on the floor has Styles in even more trouble as Corbin and Miz get in a brawl. That’s not cool with Dean who baseball slides Corbin down, setting up the Styles Clash to put Dean away at 18:39.

Rating: B-. DANG this is a bad night for champions. Ambrose was a bit hotter than usual here and that made for a good match. I could have gone for a DQ or countout finish here though as you don’t need yet another champion getting beat but this is about as good as you can get given the way the booking is going. I get the idea of AJ needing a win and since the Chamber has four heels, there was nothing else that could have been done.

Miz gives Ambrose the Skull Crushing Finale but Corbin gives Miz and Dean the End of Days to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This wasn’t the best Smackdown but I think a lot of that is due to how fast everything goes on a major pay per view weekend. If you watched Takeover, this brought us up to over thirteen hours of wrestling in four days, which is a little more than most fans can take. On top of that they have two weeks to set up a pay per view card and that’s just hard to do in general. Not a bad show but the company could use a breather at the moment.

Results

Bray Wyatt/Randy Orton b. John Cena/Luke Harper – RKO to Cena

Carmella b. Delilah Dawson – Code of Silence

Dolph Ziggler b. Kalisto – Superkick

Naomi/Becky Lynch b. Alexa Bliss/Mickie James – Split legged moonsault to Bliss

AJ Styles b. Dean Ambrose – Styles Clash

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the History of the WWE’s Big Four Pay Per Views, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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This actually requires some backstory. 

There are actually two versions of this show but only one ever saw the light of day. The original show was scheduled for Sunday, May 26 in Florence, South Carolina. After the first match aired as scheduled, a bad thunderstorm rolled into the area and knocked out the power to the arena. The PPV feed cut out and the fans missed about an hour of the show. It did come back on in time for the main event, but no one saw the middle four matches. Those matches actually took place in the dark but to the best of my knowledge they weren’t filmed.

Obviously this wasn’t fair to the people who paid for the show, so the company held a second PPV in North Charleston, South Carolina on Tuesday, May 28^th. The show featured the two matches from the original show and three new matches that aired live. The airing of the matches was a little odd as the world title match was aired second on the second PPV while the rest of the matches were aired after, meaning the last thing on the PPV is an Intercontinental Title match instead of the WWF World Title match.

In Your House #8: Beware of Dog
Date: May 26/28, 1998
Location: Florence Civic Center, Florence, South Carolina/North Charleston Coliseum, North Charleston, South Carolina
Attendance: 6,000/4,500
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler/Jim Ross, Mr. Perfect

Other than the Shawn vs. Bulldog match, the biggest match here is probably a Caribbean strap match between Savio Vega and newcomer Steve Austin. Austin isn’t a big star yet but it’s clear that the potential is there and that he could become something very big if he’s given the right amount of time. Vega was his first major feud and tonight is the blowoff between the two of them. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about Shawn while also focusing on the allegations of him breaking up Bulldog’s marriage.

Vince thanks the people that keep us free to be here tonight, which I’d assume is a shout out to the military.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Marc Mero

Mero is former WCW wrestler Johnny B. Badd who jumped to the WWF at Wrestlemania. These two started feuding that night over the way Helmsley treated his valet Sable and this is their final showdown. It’s a brawl to start before Mero’s theme music is even off. Mero takes him into the corner and pounds away before punching Helmsley out to the floor. A big plancha over the top takes Helmsley down again and we head back inside for a two count.

Helmsley pokes him in the eye to get a breather but gets flipped upside down in the corner for another near fall. Mero misses a charge and goes shoulder first into the post followed by Helmsley throwing him shoulder first into another post to really take over. A DDT on the arm stays on the bad shoulder as Vince warns of potential technical difficulties due to the storm but promising that they won’t last long. Mero gets pounded down and Vince isn’t pleased with the officiating so far.

A jumping knee to the face gets two on Mero and it’s off to another armbar. Mero tries to come back with a backslide but the arm gives out, allowing Helmsley to wrap it around the post again. The arm goes around the post a fourth time and Mero is in big trouble. Helmsley wraps the arm around the ropes and rams it into the buckle before putting on a cross armbreaker of all things.

After nearly a minute in the hold Mero is able to get to a rope, drawing almost no reaction from the crowd. They don’t seem all that interested in what’s going on, even though this is good stuff so far. Helmsley drops a knee onto the arm and puts on an armbar for a few moments. The shoulder is sent into the buckle again but Mero grabs a quick rollup with his feet under Helmsley’s arms for two. Helmsley wraps the arm around the ropes again and drops a top rope ax handle into the shoulder. That arm is being destroyed so far.

A hammerlock slam puts Mero down again but he gets up fast enough to crotch Helmsley on the top rope. Mero is able to snap off a top rope hurricanrana to put both guys down as the arm is too banged up. Helmsley gets taken down with a headscissors and a running knee lift before a top rope sunset flip (one of Mero’s finishers) is good for two.

Mero sends him to the floor and tries a flip dive over the ropes, only for Helmsley to move, injuring Mero’s knee in the process. Back inside and Helmsley loads up the Pedigree but Sable covers her eyes, making Helmsley drop the move. He demands that she watch but the delay lets Mero counter the second attempt into a catapult into the post for the pin out of nowhere.

Rating: B. This was a really nice surprise with both guys looking great out there. I loved seeing Mero wrestle with one arm as so often you’ll see someone have a limb injured and then just hold it while wrestling as usual. Very good showing here and a good example of letting the young guys set up the rest of the show in style.

Camp Cornette has a big surprise for Shawn but for now he’ll just get a smaller one: Owen Hart has a one night only manager license so he’ll be at ringside with the Bulldog.

Remember that the following match happened about an hour after the previous match.

Shawn says that he’s ready for the match but as he’s walking to the ring, Mr. Perfect smirks at him for some reason. They have a history together but haven’t had any issues for years.

WWF World Title: British Bulldog vs. Shawn Michaels

Before the match, attorney Clarence Mason says that Shawn has tried to break up the Smith family so he’ll be filing a lawsuit against Shawn for “attempted alienation of affection.” Shawn is given the subpena, rips it up, and gets jumped from behind to get things going. That’s about the extent of this story and no one remembered it after the show. Shawn slides between the Bulldog’s legs and pounds away, sending Smith to the floor to run away from the kick.

Michaels dives over the top to take Bulldog out and we head back inside so they can circle each other. Shawn grabs a headlock to take him down to the mat with the hold lasting for a good while. Back up and Bulldog grabs a quickly broken bearhug, only to drop down to avoid a charging Shawn and getting caught in a rollup for two. Shawn goes to a short arm scissors but Smith rolls over and lifts Shawn into the air in the same counter he made famous against Shawn back in 1992.

Bulldog stomps Shawn down a bit more and poses for good measure. We hit the chinlock before the Bulldog puts on an over the shoulder backbreaker to stay on the back. The Bulldog slams him down and hits a Samoan drop to keep Shawn in trouble. Off to another chinlock as Owen goes around ringside talking trash about Shawn.

While in the hold, something clearly goes wrong with Shawn. The referee then gets up and goes over to the timekeeper, completely ignoring the hold. Allegedly this was saying that the match’s time had been cut due to the technical issues and Shawn was throwing a fit. Great way to react by the champion there. Anyway Shawn fights up and escapes the hold but misses a charge and falls out to the floor in a heap. Bulldog rams him into the announce table as well as the apron before heading back inside for a breather.

Shawn fights back and scores with a slingshot clothesline from the apron to put both guys down again. Back up and they hit heads to knock both guys down for the third time. Shawn is up first and scores with the flying forearm before nipping up. A top rope ax handle gets two but the Bulldog accidentally runs over the referee, knocking him out to the floor.

Shawn hits the top rope elbow but has to take out Owen instead of superkicking Smith. Another referee comes out as Smith loads up the powerslam but Shawn escapes. The champion hits a belly to back suplex and all four shoulders are down. The second referee gets back in and we have a double pin.

Rating: B-. This was a solid match and set up the rematch well enough. That being said, this would have felt better if it came at the end of the show rather than in the middle, but you can’t blame the company for a bad storm. Good stuff here though with Shawn looking good and Bulldog being a good opponent for him. It also reenforces the idea that Diesel just wasn’t all that good in the ring as Smith has had his second solid title match in a few months.

Post match both guys are announced as winners by different referees. President Gorilla Monsoon comes to the ring and we get a lot of replays which show the same double pin over and over again. Since it’s a tie, Shawn retains the title but there will be a rematch next month.

Everything from this point on is from Tuesday’s show and is airing live on PPV instead of being taped.

Savio Vega vs. Steve Austin

This is a Caribbean strap match, meaning they’re tied at the wrist and the first person to touch all four corners without interruption is the winner. Austin debuted a few months prior and is just the Ringmaster at this point, meaning he’s as generic of a heel as you could ask for. There’s potential there, but the gimmick is crippling him. The idea here is that it’s Savio’s signature match and if he wins, Austin’s manager Ted DiBiase leaves the company forever. DiBiase has a chauffeur’s hat which goes on Savio if he loses.

Austin immediately bails to the floor to start before coming back in to pound away on Vega. Savio comes back with a backdrop and Austin bails to the floor, only to have Savio pull the strap to send him ribs first into the apron. Back in and Vega whips Austin’s back with the strap and Steve just tries to get out of the ring to safety. Savio suplexes Austin back inside and the strap goes across the chest even more. Vega gets two corners but Austin trips him up to stop the streak, thereby erasing the two corners Savio touched.

Now it’s Austin’s turn to whip Vega but Savio pulls him to the mat and they go outside again. Austin gets in a HARD whip to the back before sending him back first into the barricade. Steve pulls him back up onto the apron to try and hang Savio but opts to just whip his chest instead. The strap is wrapped around Savio’s ankle so Austin can drag him around the ring but Vega breaks it up just before the third corner.

Savio starts whipping Austin again but gets backdropped out to the floor before he can get too far. The strap comes back to haunt Austin again though as Vega pulls him to the floor instead of giving Austin a breather. Vega suplexes Austin on the floor and takes him back inside where he ties Austin’s arm and leg together. Austin makes a stop and just goes nuts with the whip to take Savio’s breath away. Vega somehow gets up and crotches Austin down on the top, setting up a great looking superplex.

Savio slaps three corners but Austin makes a last second save with a spinebuster. Both guys are down again and Austin’s back is red from those strap shots. Austin chokes Savio across the ropes and with the strap before blasting him in the back for good measure. Austin gets two corners but Vega pokes him in the eyes before the third. They trade tombstone piledriver attempts but Savio falls over the top and out to the floor before either guy can hit one.

Austin hangs Savio over the ropes yet again before going up top, only to be pulled down onto the barricade. Savio pulls him into the post before taking Austin back inside for a fireman’s carry. Austin puts up a fight after two buckles but it isn’t counted as breaking the momentum so Steve pulls him down after the third. A piledriver lays out Vega again but DiBiase wants another one. Savio counters into a backdrop but Austin comes back with his Million Dollar Dream sleeper.

Vega manages to stay on his feet so Austin jumps on his back. Savio walks around and gets two corners, only to climb up the ropes and drive Austin back first onto the mat for the break. Austin comes right back with more choking, wrapping the strap around Savio’s throat and pulling him across. Steve gets two but Savio slaps both of them as he passes by. Both guys get number three so it’s next buckle wins. In a very interesting ending, they get in a tug of war over the last corner but Austin looks down at DiBiase and catapults Savio into the buckle to lose the match but also intentionally get rid of DiBiase.

Rating: A-. This is by far the best four corners strap match I’ve ever seen. They beat the tar out of each other and the story made it even better. Steve intentionally losing makes him look very smart and all the more evil because he’s willing to throw DiBiase out the door to make himself a bigger star in the future. Really good stuff here.

Savio has the fans sing the Goodbye song to DiBiase.

Vader vs. Yokozuna

Vader broke Yokozuna’s leg a few months ago so tonight is about revenge. They slug it out to start with Vader getting the best of it to start, only to have Yokozuna punch him to the floor. Cornette nearly has a fit as Yokozuna is asking for a sumo challenge. Vader gets down in a three point football stance but steps to the side instead of charging ahead. They set up again and Vader does the exact same thing. The third attempt actually happens and Vader goes down like he’s barely even there before Yokozuna clotheslines him out to the floor.

Back in and Vader pounds away at the side of the head, only to have Yokozuna sweep the leg out and fall down on Vader’s leg. Vader rolls to the floor again, making sure we don’t have more than a few consecutive seconds of action in this match. He gets back inside and just pops Yokozuna in the face with right hands. Yokozuna sweeps the leg again and drops another elbow to complete the same sequence we just saw.

This time Vader doesn’t go to the floor but rather get up and pound away on Yokozuna’s back. He can’t slam him though, allowing Yokozuna to come back with a Rock Bottom for no cover. A Samoan drop puts Vader down again but Yokozuna goes after Cornette instead of hitting the Banzai Drop. Vader saves his manager and hits a pair of Vader Bombs for the pin.

Rating: D-. This was nine minutes of the same sequences going over and over until we got to the ending. These battles of huge men rarely go anywhere because there’s only so much they can do. Yokozuna would fade away pretty quickly after this due to his immense weight. He would try for years to get back into the company but he just couldn’t get his weight under control.

Intercontinental Title: Goldust vs. Undertaker

This is a casket match. The video before the match show us the setup of Goldust vs. Ahmed Johnson from last night instead of telling us about Undertaker vs. Goldust. Goldust had given an unconscious Ahmed mouth to mouth, thereby infuriating Johnson. The lights go out (JR: “On purpose this time.”) and Undertaker appears behind Goldust in the ring. Undertaker throws the champion around on the floor before taking him inside for more of the same.

They head back outside again with Goldust being sent into steps. Back inside again as the destruction continues. A legdrop keeps Goldust in trouble and Undertaker hits what would become known as Old School. Goldust comes back with a quick slam and a tombstone of his own but Undertaker sits up almost immediately. The champion puts him in the casket but can’t get the lid shut as Undertaker comes back with right hands. Instead Goldust sends him out to the floor and into the steps before choking with an electrical cord.

Back in and Undertaker gets caught in a bad looking sleeper hold to drag the match down even more. Goldust still can’t get him in the closed casket though as Undertaker blocks two attempts. They head back inside with Undertaker clotheslining both guys out to the floor, only to head back inside where the champion powerslams him down. A middle rope clothesline puts Undertaker down and Goldust goes for a cover out of instinct.

Goldust tries Old School of his own, only to be slammed down with ease. There’s the real Tombstone but Undertaker opens the casket and finds the recently debuted monster Mankind waiting on him. Mankind puts Undertaker in his Mandible Claw submission hold before putting Undertaker inside the casket and closing the lid for the win.

Rating: D. This feud was just a holding pattern for Undertaker until the real feud with Mankind could get going. No one bought Undertaker as a guy who would be in the Intercontinental Title picture for more than a few weeks and that’s exactly what happened. Nothing to see here and not a good way to end the show.

Post match Mankind locks Undertaker inside the casket but as Mankind leaves, smoke starts coming out of the casket. Paul Bearer opens the casket and there’s no one inside. The lights go out again to end the show.

Overall Rating: B+. This is a really solid show with three awesome matches to open things up followed by two that weren’t so good. If you stop the show after the strap match though, you have an awesome PPV with storyline development and awesome action. Really good stuff here….for the first hour or so.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the History of the WWE’s Big Four Pay Per Views, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: May 27, 1996
Location: Cumberland County Memorial Auditorium, Fayetteville, North Carolina
Attendance: 5,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler

We’re past In Your House VIII and….we saw about half the show. In a pretty famous moment, the arena’s power was knocked out by an electrical storm and aside from the first and last matches, the arena was dark for most of the night. Therefore this is actually a go home show with Tuesday offering a live Beware of Dog II. Let’s get to it.

Oh and over on Nitro, Scott Hall jumped the barricade.

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Goldust vs. Ultimate Warrior

Rematch from their disaster of a “match” at In Your House VII and Goldust’s Intercontinental Title isn’t on the line. Warrior has to chase him on the floor to start and it’s time for the 80s offense to begin. Goldust’s right hands and forearms have no effect as Warrior easily throws him down.

A trip to the floor sees both guys being sent into various metal objects as Vince talks about Warrior’s completely insane (like, insane even by Warrior’s standards) comic book. An electric chair drop sends Goldust bailing but Ahmed Johnson drags him back to the ring as we head to a break.

Back with Warrior being thrown through Goldust’s wooden chair, drawing in some canned Warrior chants. Warrior’s banged up shoulder doesn’t prevent him from hitting a powerslam (suplex according to that nitwit Vince) but we hit the chinlock anyway. The comeback sends Goldust out to the floor with Warrior following him out for a horrible double countout.

Rating: D-. Was there something in the water in 1996? Who decided to book all these horrible non-finishes after such stupidly long matches? Warrior was just so out of place in 1996 and it showed more and more every time he got in the ring. The business had just passed him by at this point and there was no way around it. That and Goldust hadn’t sped his offense up yet to make him watchable. Just awful here, but that had to be expected.

Lawler threatens Warrior with the broken chair, setting off their infamous feud where Lawler claimed people didn’t care because Warrior wore a hat during a promo. Seriously, it’s on the Self-Destruction of the Ultimate Warrior DVD. Is there any wonder why Warrior sued over that hatchet job?

We go over Beware of Dog and the issues setting up the second show. This is a rare instance where things were out of the company’s hands and they did the only possible option.

Ted DiBiase thinks Savio Vega cheated in the dark last night so he’s willing to put up his WWF career in the rematch. The ending to that was flat out smart.

Smoking Gunns vs. BodyDonnas

The Gunns’ Tag Team Titles aren’t on the line (that would make too much sense) and they have Sunny with them after she tricked Phineas into making her their manager, which set up her turning on them less than a week later to get the belts on the Gunns. That makes this the BodyDonnas faces somehow and Hillbilly Jim is on commentary. Bart works on Zip’s arm to start and gorilla presses him down as we take an early break.

Back with various shots of cowgirl Sunny (that works) and Bart getting double teamed on the floor. Skip’s legdrop gets two and Zip’s gutwrench powerbomb is good for the same. We hit the chinlock for a long bit until Phineas Godwinn comes out to plead his case with Sunny. Jim and the Godwinns leave as Bart takes a double slingshot suplex. The illegal Skip goes up but Bart rolls through the high crossbody for the fast pin.

Rating: D+. WAY better match here as it actually felt entertaining at times. The Tag Team Title division needed a few adjustments but the Sunny story was better than having nothing at all. Once they got the face/heel alignment straightened out (that took some time) and got rid of Hillbilly Jim, everything wound up being….well it wound up being pretty dull but it was better than anything else we had seen for awhile.

We recap last night’s main event which ended in a double pin. I know Shawn gets a lot of flack for not drawing during this time but his first long feud was with British Bulldog. That’s no on Shawn.

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Ahmed Johnson vs. Vader

Owen Hart is on commentary. They slowly shove each other to start and Ahmed isn’t intimidated in the slightest. Vader actually gets pummeled down in the corner and the place goes NUTS, giving one of the true genuinely strong reactions outside of Undertaker/Shawn you’ll ever see in this era.

Vader gets in a few shots but Ahmed shrugs it off and crossbodies Vader to the floor, taking the mask off in the process. Back from a break with Vader kneeing him in the ribs and hitting the middle rope clothesline for two. Ahmed comes back with his own hard clothesline but Vader drops him all over again. They’re beating the heck out of each other here and it’s pretty close to awesome.

We hit the chinlock as Owen claims that Ahmed cheated in the Kuwaiti Cup. He doesn’t give any reason why but insists that it happened. Simple yet effective heel stuff there, which is what often works best. Vader tries the moonsault and fails as usual, allowing Ahmed to get in a powerslam. Jim Cornette gets dragged in (Owen: “GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF MY MANAGER!”) and Ahmed spinebusters Vader, only to have Owen sneak in with a cast shot to the head to give Vader the pin. That’s Ahmed’s first loss.

Rating: C+. This is a good example of a match that might not be the highest quality but it was a lot of fun, which is exactly what a show like this needed. Vader was selling the heck out of Ahmed’s offense and the fans ate it up because Ahmed wasn’t like everyone else at this point. Vader could sell like few others and it’s no surprise that both of these guys would be in the main event scene soon.

Ahmed is taken out on a stretch and Goldust gives him mouth to mouth, leaving gold paint on his lips. Johnson loses it and chokes Bob Holly to find out where Goldust is. Ahmed runs through a guy in pink (who I thought was Bret Hart at the time) to get into Goldust’s locker room. That goes nowhere so Ahmed punches out the cameraman to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Once we got past the endless opener, this turned into a much, much more entertaining show due to an actual story and a really fun main event. Johnson seemed destined to be a star and if he could speak anything close to English he would have been World Champion easily. Anyway, far better show than the last few weeks but that’s not saying much.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the History of the WWE’s Big Four Pay Per Views, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: May 20, 1996
Location: Sioux City Auditorium, Sioux City, Iowa
Attendance: 4,000

Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler

This is going to be the last show of an era as the Curtain Call happened over the weekend but this was taped WAY in advance so the political issues haven’t come up yet. The big story, for whatever reason, continues to be Shawn Michaels vs. British Bulldog over allegations that Shawn went after Bulldog’s wife. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Steve Austin vs. Marc Mero

During the entrances, we’re told about the Godwinns winning the Tag Team Titles over the weekend. How odd is it for that to be a line just thrown in like that? They trade some arm cranking to start with Mero getting the better of it and shrugging off some right hands to the jaw.

An elbow works a bit better and Austin hits a release Snake Eyes to really take over. Austin sends him outside and we take a break as this is really dull stuff so far. It really is amazing how much more exciting Austin would get because this is dreadful at the moment. Back with Austin getting two off the middle rope elbow and grabbing a chinlock.

Mero fights up but gets caught in a jawbreaker, which is totally different from a Stunner (yes, TOTALLY). It’s back to the chinlock for a bit before Mero makes his real comeback with the usual, including right hands in the corner. Austin shoves him out of the corner and goes up, only to have Savio Vega run in to go after Austin for the DQ.

Rating: D-. Sweet goodness what a boring match. Austin was desperate for a change here and thankfully he would get rid of Ted DiBiase very soon after this. The Vega feud was his first good stuff but it would take a lot longer for Mero to really get anywhere. The match was really just long and that doesn’t make it interesting.

Mero and Vega stare at each other.

Video on Ahmed Johnson on the Kuwait tour where he won a tournament.

Video on Ultimate Warrior’s comic book debuting, meaning we get to hear Vince say “destrucity”.

Savio Vega vs. 1-2-3 Kid

Ted DiBiase sits in on commentary and can’t wait to see Savio turned into his chauffeur when Austin beats him on Sunday. Vega hammers away to start as the announcers ignore what’s in the ring to recap Austin vs. Vega on Sunday. A hiptoss puts Kid down and a running spinwheel kick in the corner puts Kid on the floor.

We hit the chinlock back inside until DiBiase offers a distraction with the hat. Apparently that’s enough for Kid to come back, including a clothesline and top rope splash for two. Kid gets two off a spinning kick of his own and they slowly slug it out as this just won’t end. Savio’s belly to back gets two but he gets kicked down yet again. A top rope splash misses though and Savio grabs a rollup for the pin.

Rating: D. Just horrible here again as this is the last show of a taping and that makes for some of the worst wrestling you can see on a weekly basis. There’s no energy here and I’m not even sure how to criticize it. The match was terribly dull but somehow it might have been better than the first one.

Post match Austin comes in and lays out Vega before tying him up so DiBiase can put the chauffeur’s hat on. I can always go for some goof humiliation involving forced clothing.

We recap the Tag Team Title change and the worthless Phineas Loves Sunny story. If nothing else it’s a way to look at Sunny in the white top and skirt. Sunny did however get Phineas to sign a contract to make her the manager, which set up a match against the Smoking Gunns on this Sunday’s pre-show.

Undertaker comes out of a casket for a chat, saying Goldust will be in the casket on Sunday. Cue Mankind to lock Undertaker in the casket as Goldust goes after Paul Bearer. The casket is turned over and beaten with a pole.

British Bulldog vs. Jake Roberts

Before we’re ready to go, Jim Cornette busts out a restraining order against Shawn Michaels on behalf of Diana Smith. This brings out Gorilla Monsoon (King: “You know what they mean: Gorilla Monsoon happens.”) to eject Diana, making the whole thing a waste of time. That means Shawn can come out and watch because Michaels vs. Bulldog needs all the help it can get.

We take an early break and come back with Jake working on the arm as Shawn denies all the allegations against him. Bulldog slowly stomps away as the announcers try to sell this stupid story. It’s off to a leglock because this match needs to be even slower than it’s been so far. The slow leg stomping continues and BACK TO THE LEGLOCK. Jake fights up and tries a DDT but Bulldog reverses into a half crab.

Lawler talks about Shawn being in Playgirl Magazine as we hit the leglock for the third straight time. King: “Did you show as much as you did to Diana?” It’s off to the half crab AGAIN and here’s Diana. We actually take a freaking break and come back with Diana yelling at Shawn. Water is thrown (hitting Shawn in the shoulder) so Michaels punches Cornette and gets jumped from behind and we’re off with no finish. The post break stuff was about thirty seconds long.

Rating: F. Holy cheese steaks served on a book of New York Times crossword puzzles this was a horrible match. This went on and on with that stupid leglock and somehow I’m supposed to want to pay to see Bulldog on Sunday? Terrible stuff here and Jake looked like he has no desire to be out there whatsoever.

Overall Rating: Agoobwa. This would have been better if a massive electrical storm went through the city and knocked out all the power, forcing them to wrestle in the dark. The worst part about this is that there are a lot of talented people on this show. Every one of the six people who actually wrestled are incredibly talented and should be able to put on a great match. The three who appeared but didn’t wrestle were Undertaker, Mankind and Shawn Michaels. That is inexcusable and this show was nothing short of a disaster. No exaggeration: this might actually be the worst episode of Raw I’ve ever seen.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the History of the WWE’s Big Four Pay Per Views, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: May 13, 1996
Location: Sioux City Auditorium, Sioux City, Iowa
Attendance: 4,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler

Maybe this one can pick things up a bit. Last week’s show was about as uninteresting as you can get as we head towards In Your House VIII and the showdown of Shawn Michaels vs. British Bulldog. The story behind the match is Shawn allegedly sleeping with Bulldog’s wife, which is hardly something that’s going to make me want to pay for a show. Let’s get to it.

Zip vs. Ahmed Johnson

Before the match, Sunny rubs oil on Ahmed’s chest until he calls her trash. Ahmed flips him over to start and scores with some clotheslines but has to stop and yell at Sunny. The BodyDonnas switch places despite THE FACT THAT THEY DON’T LOOK THAT MUCH ALIKE! An electric chair plants Skip and the second switch is caught, allowing Ahmed to finish Skip with the Pearl River Plunge. So Ahmed just basically squashed the Tag Team Champions without blinking an eye.

The Ultimate Warrior, without face paint and talking in a normal voice, shills Warrior University. No, this isn’t an angle and no, no one ever graduated from the school.

Duke Droese vs. Vader

Jim Cornette is on commentary as Vader swats at Duke’s head. Duke actually comes back with a big boot and a crossbody to put both guys on the floor. Back from a break with Vader running him over to restore balance to the universe. A splash sets up a chinlock of all things as this is going WAY longer than it should. Vader gets caught in a jawbreaker for the escape, followed by some clotheslines and a dropkick to put Vader down. A top rope splash misses though and it’s the Vader Bomb to give, well, Vader of course, the pin.

Rating: D. Who in the world thought Vader needed to give up that much offense? Just like last week’s tag match, it’s very clear that this company’s talent pool is just gone right now. Other than the top of the card, the whole company feels like whoever they can throw out there for the sake of filling in the card.

Here are Paul Bearer and Undertaker with the gold casket. See what I mean? The best they can do is Goldust vs. Undertaker. How thrilling is that really supposed to be? Bearer talks about Goldust loving the spotlight so one will shine on the casket after In Your House. Cue Goldust and Marlena to interrupt so Undertaker removes his hat. Goldust hits on Undertaker (“What is that scent? Embalming fluid #5?”) and quotes movie lines to suggest he’d enjoy being in a casket with Undertaker.

Mankind comes in and Claws Undertaker, allowing Goldust to grind on Undertaker’s body and then lick his face. That means choking from the Dead Man as this is just WAY over the top and horrible, meaning Goldust was almost forced to change. He’s not bizarre anymore but rather molesting people against their will.

Justin Hawk Bradshaw vs. Aldo Montoya

Of note during the opening: Vince plugs a house show in Madison Square Garden, which would wind up being the Curtain Call. Aldo tries his jobber offense to start as Bradshaw’s manager Uncle Zebekiah (Zeb Colter) gets on commentary to ask why Bradshaw isn’t getting a shot at Shawn Michaels. A good looking gutwrench powerbomb plants Aldo and it’s off to the bearhug. Aldo makes his quick comeback with a missile dropkick but the Clothesline puts Montoya away without too much effort.

Rating: D. Bradshaw of course had talent (why he’s not in the Hall of Fame isn’t clear) but the evil cowboy thing would have been old five years prior to this. There’s nothing wrong with getting your foot in the door though and the potential was there, which is more important than anything else.

We get a serious video from Vince, basically saying that the tour of Kuwait was this big show of freedom. During the trip, British Bulldog attacked Shawn Michaels on a beach and tried to drown him. Ok then.

Shawn Michaels vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

Non-title and I believe for the first time ever. If nothing else the first time on TV. An early armdrag lets HHH pose a bit and Shawn is already somewhat frustrated. We take a break and come back with Shawn tripping him down and walking over HHH’s back to get some of the heat back. HHH is down on the floor so Shawn takes a quick jog over to the announcers’ table to stare at Lawler and HHH’s latest valet.

A headlock brings HHH back in over the top (think Orton’s DDT) so the referee demands a clean break. Ever the good guy, Shawn lets HHH drop face first onto the mat in a funny bit. HHH ducks a charge and sends Shawn onto the top, setting up a punt out to the floor. Cue Mr. Perfect to watch as we take a second break.

Back again with HHH in control and hammering away in the corner with a fire he’s never shown to this point. We hit the chinlock as Lawler accidentally refers to Mr. Perfect as Hennig. A clothesline cuts off Shawn’s comeback bid and HHH unloads on him in the corner. We take a ridiculous third break and come back with Shawn in a pretty lazy looking chinlock.

The champ fights up with some right hands in the corner, followed by a catapult into the corner for a big crash. Shawn’s top rope elbow gets two so HHH actually tries a powerbomb, which is countered into a hurricanrana into a sunset flip for two on Michaels in a hot sequence. The Pedigree is countered and the superkick finishes clean.

Rating: B. Well of course these two are awesome together. Unfortunately this would be it for HHH’s time near the top of the card for a LONG time due to the Curtain Call this coming weekend. Shawn might not have been the biggest ratings draw in the world but sweet goodness he could wrestle a heck of a match.

British Bulldog isn’t worried about Shawn being on commentary for his match next week.

Overall Rating: C. The main event pretty easily bails this one out as Shawn did so often around this time. What brings it right back down again is the idea of watching British Bulldog vs. Shawn for the title on pay per view as it just sucks the energy and excitement out of me. The rest of the show was your usual 1996 mess but that main event was solid.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the History of the WWE’s Big Four Pay Per Views, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: May 6, 1996
Location: Sioux City Auditorium, Sioux City, Iowa
Attendance: 4,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler

Again, for reasons that I can’t understand, I can’t get away from 1996. We’re just into the Shawn Michaels era now but more importantly, Razor Ramon and Diesel are gone (save for a few house show appearances), meaning everything is about to change in a bad way for the company. Let’s get to it.

This show is dedicated to Ray Stevens, who was often called one of the best of all time.

A woman in shadow, labeled as the ex-wife of a professional wrestler, says Shawn Michaels ruined her life. Details to come.

Marc Mero vs. 1-2-3 Kid

Hunter Hearst Helmsley (feuding with Mero) is on commentary. The Kid starts waving his arms to show off his martial arts abilities but charges into a raised boot in the corner. A running dropkick puts the Kid on the floor and gets a better reaction than almost anything from the February tapings.

Back in and Kid starts firing off some kicks in the corner as HHH talks about Sable being beneath him. A chinlock keeps Mero down but he fights up and twists Kid’s knee around to take over for all of one full second. We hit a sleeper (so another chinlock) to put Mero on the mat again and Kid throws his foot on the ropes like a heel should.

Back from a break with Mero fighting back and hitting a top rope ax handle. With Vince’s manic offense actually working for a change, Mero sends Kid outside for a big running flip dive over the top. Helmsley sends Kid back inside and I stop to wonder how they didn’t put him with DiBiase. That just kind of fits you know? With the referee yelling at…..someone, Helmsley crotches Mero but a superplex is countered into a crossbody to pin the Kid.

Rating: B-. This got a lot better after the break and helped set up Mero vs. Helmsley at the next pay per view. The Kid had his energy going here but it’s still really hard for me to buy him as a heel against anyone other than the smaller opponents. This was the kind of longer match you didn’t get enough on Raw at the time and it worked.

We see Savio Vega attacking Steve Austin to set up a Caribbean strap match. DiBiase accepted for Austin but if Savio loses, he’s DiBiase’s chauffeur.

The woman in shadow claims she slept with Shawn. Her ex-husband was on the road a lot and one day Shawn came over and one thing lead to another. Naturally Shawn was the best she ever had. The husband wrestled Shawn soon after this so there’s a short list of possibilities for who this is supposed to be. Now Shawn is doing it to another marriage and the shadow woman won’t let it happen.

British Bulldog vs. Fatu

Fatu shrugs off Bulldog’s early offense and shakes his rather large hips. Bulldog tries a test of strength but gets headbutted down as he’s messed up due to the Shawn accusations. A clothesline puts Fatu on the floor and it’s time for Bulldog to do Shawn’s poses. Back in and it’s time for the slow stomping as Vince reads house show ads.

Some of Fatu’s many (Known elsewhere as the Samoan Gangster Party but unnamed here. You would know them better as Samu and Rosey.) relatives come out to watch as we take a break. Back with Bulldog kicking Fatu low to send him outside but getting caught in a Diamond Cutter (called a bulldog by Vince, which is actually true). Fatu makes the mistake of going after Cornette though and the powerslam is enough to give Bulldog the pin.

Rating: C. Totally watchable match here and that’s kind of surprising given who Bulldog was against. It’s a good idea to have Bulldog go over some midcarders instead of having the same matches against main eventers that he’s had time after time. Not bad here, especially with the lame story Bulldog is stuck in.

Fatu tells the Samoans that the WWF is his family.

Tekno Team 2000 vs. BodyDonnas

Non-title. Travis and Skip get things going as I try to figure out how I wound up watching match between guys named Travis and Skip. A double hiptoss gets two on Skip and Harvey Wippleman is here to take notes on refereeing. Travis starts working on Zip’s arm as Lawler makes jokes about the yet to be named Viagra.

We take a break and come back with Travis eating a double flapjack as we go to the New Rockers, who will be getting a title shot in the future. I know there are a lot of teams around this point but this should be all the proof you need that quantity doesn’t mean quality. Skip hammers on Travis as this just keeps going. Zip misses a top rope back elbow and everything breaks down. Lawler talks about gas prices being up 14% in the last three months as Skip hits a top rope hurricanrana, setting up a top rope ax handle to the ribs for the pin on Troy.

Rating: D. Like I said, Tekno Team 2000 just wasn’t any good and the BodyDonnas weren’t much better. It’s such a dark time for the division and tag wrestling in general and this wasn’t exactly out of the norm. Sunny didn’t help things either as she overshadowed everyone in the division with pure natural charisma.

Jim Cornette and Vader aren’t worried about Yokozuna. Vader is ready for Duke Droese.

Owen Hart vs. Undertaker

Goldust, Undertaker’s upcoming opponent, is on commentary until he’s told that their match is a casket match. Storming off ensues but he runs into Undertaker during his entrance and runs right back in a cute bit. The freaking out on commentary is pretty amusing. Owen hides on the floor to start before slugging away to as much avail as you would expect. Choking slows Hart down but Goldust gets up as we take a break.

Back with Goldust stalking Paul Bearer as Owen works on the leg. The stalking turns into trying to take Paul’s shirt off, sending the manager running up the aisle. More leg work is followed by a missile dropkick but the Sharpshooter takes WAY too long. The chokeshove over the top has Owen in trouble…..and Goldust grabs the back of Hart’s tights. Back in and the Tombstone wraps this up.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here other than Goldust doing his wackiness outside. There comes a point where he stops being bizarre and stars being…..well whatever he was here, which has got to be offensive in some way. The Undertaker vs. Goldust feud isn’t much better but for some reason it’s getting a pay per view match.

A casket is wheeled out to send Goldust running as the show ends.

Overall Rating: D+. It’s no surprise why I took so much time finally getting done with this show. There’s almost no spark to it and the biggest angle on the show was setting up Goldust vs. Undertaker for reasons that aren’t entirely clear. I’ve seen far worse but Shawn vs. Bulldog as the top feud in the promotion just isn’t going to work no matter what.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the History of the WWE’s Big Four Pay Per Views, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 30, 2017
Location: Laredo Energy Arena, Laredo, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Byron Saxton, Corey Graves

We’re past the Royal Rumble and that means we have about five weeks before Fastlane, which is getting close to the Wrestlemania season. The big story for Raw last night was Roman Reigns having the World Title won until Braun Strowman cost him the title, likely setting up something down the line. Other than that we have Stephanie McMahon confronting Seth Rollins for calling HHH out at Takeover: San Antonio. Let’s get to it.

Here’s a ticked off Kevin Owens and a less ticked off Chris Jericho to start things off. Owens is happy to have proven Mick Foley wrong when he beat Roman Reigns because he is the best, the guy and the one. Owens thanks Jericho for having the guts to get in the cage last night and brings up Jericho breaking the record for the most time spent in the Royal Rumble.

Jericho has spent nearly five hours in the match (Over nine Rumbles, which breaks HHH’s record of just over four hours in the same number of Rumbles. That’s VERY impressive.) and of course Chris gets in some bragging. The only reason he didn’t win was a terrible case of vertigo….and here’s Braun Strowman to cut them off.

Braun cuts Owens off and says he did what he did because he can’t stand Roman but now he wants the title shot that Owens promises. Kevin backs off so Braun shows us a video of Owens promising him the shot. Strowman wants his chance tonight but here’s Mick, in a full green plaid suit, to interrupt. Foley doesn’t seem to care about Owens being banged up and makes the match for later.

Sami Zayn vs. Chris Jericho

Non-title. They fight over a wristlock to start until Sami takes over with those armdrags. If it works for Ricky Steamboat, it can work for Sami. They head outside with Sami scoring with a dropkick and the moonsault off the barricade takes us to a break. Back with Jericho getting two off an enziguri and a top rope hurricanrana, only to dive into the Blue Thunder Bomb for two. Jericho bails to the floor for a chase scene, capped off by a tornado DDT back inside. The Helluva Kick is countered into the Walls but Sami is right next to the ropes. The exploder sets up the Helluva Kick to give Sami the clean pin at 11:49.

Rating: C+. Not bad here and I’m all for Sami getting a pay per view title match. You can also go with the fact that Jericho was in the Rumble for an hour last night to explain the loss away a bit. The rematch should be fun too and if it means Sami getting a title, there’s nothing bad to be seen.

Bayley wants Cesaro and Sheamus to hug before their six person tag later tonight. Charlotte, Anderson and Gallows come in to laugh a bit.

Long video on Seth Rollins vs. HHH. They cover pretty much everything here, save for WHY HHH DID THIS FIVE MONTHS AGO that is.

Owens tries to talk Stephanie out of the title match but she has to deal with Rollins first.

Tony Nese vs. Mustafa Ali

Nese runs him over to start and hits a hard crossface forearm to the face. They trade clotheslines and it’s Ali hitting a rolling neckbreaker for two. Nese breaks up the inverted 450 and Ali takes a NASTY looking crash. Thankfully he’s ok enough to take the running knee to the face to give Tony the pin at 3:52.

Rating: C. Nese is starting to grow on me and would be a solid choice for a midcard heel in the division. The posing makes him look like a huge heel and that’s exactly what the division needs right now. Not exactly a heel, but more characters with basic development. Ali is the same as he’s a solid hand in the ring and a few tweaks could make him quite valuable.

Post match Austin Aries asks Nese about his lack of charisma but Tony says he doesn’t have to answer his critics.

Here’s Rollins to call out Stephanie for a little change of pace. Rollins knows Stephanie is disappointed that he called her out but she disappoints her husband every night. Stephanie laughs off the insults (of course) and we hear about how she wants HHH to stay away because Rollins is bringing the dark side out of her husband.

Rollins hasn’t been a champion since Money in the Bank and missed Wrestlemania last year because of injury so the Authority, and Stephanie in particular, deserves an apology. Rollins apologizes for exposing HHH as a gutless snake that he is because HHH won’t face him like a man.

HHH is scared because he knows Rollins is the greatest threat to HHH’s legacy ever. Seth goes a step further and suggests that Stephanie knows it too but she says Seth disgusts him. That earns a threat of Rollins invading the next Board of Directors meetings or showing up at Stephanie’s front door. “What’s going to happen when one of your kids answers the front door Steph?” Stephanie says she lied: HHH is on his way tonight. Seth actually saved a lot of face here and that’s the best possible outcome for him.

Bayley/Cesaro/Sheamus vs. Charlotte/Anderson and Gallows

The guys start and they’re on the floor for a break less than a minute in. Back with Anderson dropping a knee until Cesaro dives over for the hot tag to Sheamus. House is quickly cleaned until Charlotte breaks up the ten forearms. That goes as well as you would expect so it’s an assisted White Noise for two on Gallows. It’s off to the women and a quick Bayley to Belly puts Charlotte away at 7:30.

Rating: C-. This was nothing for the most part but at least it sets up Bayley vs. Charlotte II, despite Charlotte winning clean last night. They couldn’t do a simple hook of the tights or something to give us a reason to have another match? Anyway, this match showed how badly we need a few more tag teams because this feud is nothing.

Stephanie yells at Foley for making the title match for tonight but Mick doesn’t buy her saying that HHH’s music playing last week was just a mistake. Foley hints that HHH won’t be showing up so Stephanie glares him out the door.

Here’s Neville to celebrate his Cruiserweight Title win. The title is his crown but the fans never cared about him no matter what he did. Cue former champion Rich Swann to say he can’t listen to this garbage any longer. Neville is great and Swann respects him for it but Neville demands that Swann kneel before the king. The fight is on and Neville is sent running.

Sasha Banks vents to Bayley about losing and agrees to fight Nia Jax again.

We look at Goldberg eliminating Brock Lesnar last night.

Owens vents about Foley but Jericho implies he won’t have his back tonight.

Universal Title: Kevin Owens vs. Braun Strowman

Owens is defending and I’ll put the over/under for Reigns interfering at four minutes. Jericho is on commentary and for some reason, Strowman goes over and chokeslams him through the table. Owens bails to the floor at the bell and some right hands have no effect. A dropkick puts Strowman on the floor but he runs Kevin over with ease back inside.

Kevin is knocked into the barricade and this is one sided so far. The way too long charge sends Strowman head first into the post though and Owens adds a Cannonball against the barricade. A backsplash and frog splash give Owens two but Strowman comes back with the powerslam. Cue Reigns though and it’s a DQ at 4:40.

Rating: D+. Yeah what else were you expecting here? This might as well have been a big countdown to Reigns coming out and going after Strowman, which is probably one of the top matches at Fastlane. It’s not the most interesting match in the world but if Strowman goes over, it could mean something.

Roman Superman Punches and spears Strowman but Braun pops up.

Brock Lesnar arrives.

Here are Lesnar and Paul Heyman for a chat. Heyman talks about how every legend has an asterisk next to his name because there’s always an exception. Andre the Giant was undefeated for fifteen years until Hulk Hogan beat him. Ronda Rousey was undefeated until she met Holly Holm. People like John Cena and Kurt Angle have amazing legacies but BROCK LESNAR. That leaves Goldberg as the argument against Brock and that must be eradicated. We get to the point: Lesnar wants one more fight with Goldberg at Wrestlemania.

Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax

Banks is still banged up coming in and Nia goes right after the bad leg. The knee is sent into the apron and post before we hit a leglock. The referee stops the match at 2:08.

Nia won’t let go of the hold so Bayley comes in for the save.

Rusev/Jinder Mahal vs. Enzo Amore/Big Cass

Texas Tornado rules and we’re ready to go after Enzo and Cass’ big speech. It’s a big brawl to start and we hit the early break. Back with Cass getting double teamed because Enzo is, again, beaten down on the floor. Enzo’s high crossbody is broken up and it’s Amore getting beaten down for a change. Cass fights back and makes the save as Enzo pulls Mahal to the floor. A big boot drops Rusev and the Bada Boom Shaka Lacka is enough for the pin at 9:40.

Rating: D+. We’re somehow to the point where Enzo Amore just pinned Rusev. Let that one sink in for a minute. Anyway, these guys are firmly to the point where they’re fighting because they’ve been fighting and there isn’t much of a story to it anymore. Cass needs to beat Rusev in the singles match and move on, maybe towards the belts finally.

HHH arrives.

Sneak peak of WWE 24.

Goldberg will be here next week.

Here’s HHH to talk about Rollins. HHH goes over his history with Rollins and takes credit for most of his success. With HHH by his side, Rollins would become the man and the face of the WWE. All Rollins had to do was hold up his end of the bargain but then his knee gave out, which was like spitting in HHH’s face.

Rollins was a failure when he came back because he didn’t take any responsibility for everything falling apart. HHH is the one that deserves an apology because Rollins tried to blame him for everything being a big mess. The reason HHH doesn’t come out here anymore is because he doesn’t want to be the guy that ends careers anymore.

Every day he puts on this suit and ties this tie while trying to be a creator. Every day he tries to create the next Seth Friggin Rollins but now he’s done trying. The jacket and tie come off, drawing a HHH chant. HHH calls Rollins out so here we go….but SAMOA JOE makes his debut and lays Rollins out from behind. Joe annihilates Rollins as HHH leaves. The fans are very happy with Joe as he Koquina Clutches Rollins out to end the show. OUTSTANDING debut here as Joe looks like a killer.

Overall Rating: D+. Other than a few moments here and there (mainly the highlight packages), you wouldn’t know that the Royal Rumble was yesterday. This felt like a long, mostly uninteresting show but at least we’re starting to see Wrestlemania. I mean, Lesnar vs. Goldberg isn’t the most interesting thing in the world and I have a bad feeling it’s going to be for the title but at least it’s something. Joe was the big story tonight though and that’s a very good thing.

Results

Sami Zayn b. Chris Jericho – Helluva Kick

Tony Nese b. Mustafa Ali – Running knee

Bayley/Cesaro/Sheamus b. Charlotte/Anderson and Gallows – Bayley to Belly to Charlotte

Braun Strowman b. Kevin Owens via DQ when Roman Reigns interfered

Nia Jax b. Sasha Banks via referee stoppage

Enzo Amore/Big Cass b. Rusev/Jinder Mahal – Bada Boom Shaka Lacka to Rusev

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the History of the WWE’s Big Four Pay Per Views, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/01/27/kbs-reviews-now-available-in-paperback/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

These things are always cool.  I can’t blow it up so click on it and zoom in a lot to read it.

Royal Rumble 2017
Date: January 29, 2017
Location: Alamodome, San Antonio, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Byron Saxton Corey Graves, John Bradshaw Layfield, Mauro Ranallo, David Otunga, Tom Phillips

We’re finally here and I don’t know who wins the main event. The Royal Rumble really is that wide open this year and that hasn’t been the case in a few years now. It could be any of maybe ten people and that’s a very cool situation to be in for a change. The rest of the card looks solid too so let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Nikki Bella/Becky Lynch/Naomi vs. Alexa Bliss/Mickie James/Natalya

Natalya does a You Can’t See Me in Nikki’s face to start and it’s quickly off to Bliss to really get us going. A facebuster staggers Alexa so it’s off to Naomi vs. Natalya, only to have the good ones come in for a triple suplex to send Natalya and company to the floor. Naomi hits a dive and we take a break.

Back with Natalya sending Becky into the barricade and taking her into the wrong corner to play some Ricky Morton. Natalya gets two off a clothesline and we hit the chinlock. Back up and Nikki gets over for the hot tag to Naomi for some exciting yet still stupid looking offense. Everything breaks down and Naomi hits a split legged moonsault for the pin on Alexa at 9:39.

Rating: C. This was fine and the most logical way to go as it sets Naomi up as the new #1 contender in the near future. The wrestling wasn’t bad and the women are always going to get a crowd fired up if they’re allowed to do things right. This did its job, though having it an hour later would have been a better idea.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Sheamus/Cesaro vs. Anderson and Gallows

Anderson and Gallows are challenging and there are two referees. Cesaro runs Anderson over to start and it’s off to Sheamus to do the same on Gallows. A kick to Cesaro’s head puts him down and we take a break. Back with Sheamus getting the hot tag and cleaning house, including an assisted Irish Curse for two on Gallows.

Karl comes back in and hits a running kick to the chest but has to backdrop his way out of the Neutralizer. Anderson gets in the spinebuster but Sheamus breaks up the Magic Killer. One referee takes the Brogue Kick by mistake so the second comes in to watch Anderson get Swung. Everything breaks down again and Anderson rolls Cesaro up with a handful of trunks for the pin at 10:28.

Rating: D+. Nothing special to see here but that’s the case with these teams. They’re just not that interesting together but at the moment they pretty much are the entire division on Raw. At least the match wasn’t that long and the title change means a little something but they seem to be setting up a rematch to continue this rather lame feud.

Nia Jax vs. Sasha Banks

Banks has a somewhat bad knee coming in thanks to Nia attacking her multiple times. Sasha goes right after her to start but can’t get too far on the giant. A hard charge puts Banks down and Jax shouts that she’s the boss. Back from a break with Jax easily powering out of the Banks Statement and grabbing a Brock Lock to start in on the knee. Sasha gets out and hits the top rope double knees (not the brightest move), only to get caught in the Samoan drop for the pin at 5:13.

Rating: C-. This was just above a squash and that’s an interesting way to go about things. Nia winning is a good idea as Banks is able to pop back up to the top of the card with a single win or just a little talking while Nia is getting her first win. Banks will bounds back just fine and Nia moves way up towards the top of the division so everything is fine.

The opening video looks at some historic Rumble moments, which we remember you see. Of course it turns into the standard recap package, which runs over four minutes. It’s almost like we have four hours and five matches.

Raw Women’s Title: Bayley vs. Charlotte

Charlotte is defending and this is the natural vs. the one who loves wrestling. Bayley is sent outside early on so she does the same to Charlotte. A big dive off the top takes Charlotte down again but it takes a bit to throw her back in and the champ kicks out. Bayley gets sent into the steps for two and it’s off to the chinlock.

A stomp to the head sets up the figure four necklock with Bayley’s face bouncing off the mat. Bayley starts getting all fired up and chops away before grabbing an armdrag out of the corner. A middle rope crossbody sets up the ax handles to the champ’s chest, followed by a swinging Downward Spiral for a new move.

Bayley drops a top rope elbow for two (which seems to bust Charlotte’s lip) and the fans are starting to get into this. Charlotte comes right back with a quick Figure Eight but she makes sure to grab the ropes for the break. An awkward looking moonsault (Charlotte landed on her legs instead of flat) is countered with raised knees to put the champ in trouble again. Not that it matters as Natural Selection onto the apron retains the title at 13:03.

Rating: C+. The ending wasn’t exactly a surprise here with Bayley likely to win the title at Wrestlemania and not a second before. It’s still a good match though and that’s the right kind of match for a show like this. This is all about setting up a bigger match down the line and the fact that the match was good makes it even better.

We recap the Raw World Title match. Roman Reigns has beaten champion Kevin Owens multiple times now but Chris Jericho constantly interferes to help retain the title. Therefore, Jericho will be locked in a shark cage above the ring despite the match being not DQ, which negates the point of the original stipulation in the first place.

Raw World Title: Roman Reigns vs. Kevin Owens

Reigns is challenging and anything goes. Jericho and Owens try to jump Reigns to start but Roman knocks Chris into the cage and has it raised into the air. The fight is taken straight into the crowd with Owens taking the worst of it. Back to ringside with the champ taking over by hitting Reigns with the top of the table.

That’s followed by a Cannonball against the barricade and it’s time to set up a big pyramid of chairs at ringside. Reigns punches his way out of a powerbomb through the chairs and sends Owens shoulder first into the post. It’s table time but Owens grabs a Backstabber for two instead.

The superkick is countered into a sitout powerbomb for two on Owens and the champ is in trouble. They head outside again with Reigns being put on the table for a frog splash off the top. A chair is wedged into the corner and Owens becomes the first heel in a LONG time to send someone into a chair he set up.

Jericho throws Owens some brass knuckles but Kevin’s Superman Punch only gets two. Reigns comes back with a Samoan drop through a chair and it’s table time: the sequel. The table is set up in the corner and a Superman Punch connects for two (table not involved). Owens blocks the spear of all things with a jumping Stunner for two and frustration is setting in.

There’s another Cannonball and Owens loads up a superplex to the floor, only to get shoved through that big pile of chairs. Reigns powerbombs him through the announcers’ table but cue Braun Strowman to chokeslam Reigns onto (not through) the table. A powerslam through the table in the corner makes it even worse, allowing Owens to cover Reigns’ unconscious body for the pin at 23:30.

Rating: B. They did a good thing here by having this be a wild brawl instead of a boring wrestling match. Strowman interfering opens some doors but I really don’t need to see those two fight for anything of note. The other interesting thing here was the fact that Jericho did nothing at all of note, making his stipulation all the more pointless.

Enzo and Big Cass shill chicken.

Here are some Royal Rumble facts. They’re counting down from 30 to 1 but only twelve or so are presented here.

The Rumble debuted in 1988

Bret Hart was the first entrant

870 superstars have entered

3 females have entered and all of them have eliminated one person

23 different winners

98% of the entrants have lost

4 Rumbles in Texas

California and Florida have hosted 5 Rumbles each

507,102 fans have appeared

Rey Mysterio lasted 1:02:12

Edge only took 7:36 to win

Santino Marella lasted 1 second

Bob Backlund lasted 1:01:10 for the longest run without winning

HHH has spent 4:06:08 over 9 Rumbles

46 Hall of Famers

9 Hall of Famers won

Foley appeared 3 times in 1998

The four bosses are hanging around the tumbler when Sami Zayn comes in to draw his number. Dean Ambrose comes in and is off to take a nap until he’s scheduled to go in. To continue Sami’s nerd gimmick (whatever that’s for), he can’t open his ball so Dean does it for him, revealing #8.

We recap the Cruiserweight Title match. Rich Swann was Neville’s young boy in Japan but now Neville wants the title due to a lack of respect. This has been a very well put together feud and I’m looking forward to seeing the match.

Cruiserweight Title: Neville vs. Rich Swann

Swann is defending but Neville hammers him down into the corner to start with the champ in early trouble. Rich grabs a quick crucifix for two but Neville facelocks him to take over again. An elbow to the head sets up a chinlock as the match slows down again. Neville finally lets go and sends Swann into the barricade as this is completely one sided so far.

Back in and Rich finally scores with a superkick to give himself his first offense of the match. Neville bails to the floor and that means a big corkscrew dive off the middle rope to drop him all over again. Back in and Swann just unloads on him with rights and lefts to the head, followed by a good looking Chick Kick for two. A running frog splash (that’s a new one) gives the champ two more but Neville crotches him on the top.

Neville superkicks the heck out of him but the deadlift German suplex is countered into a victory roll for two. The big kick to Neville’s head only gets two as it knocks Neville right next to the ropes. Neville’s superplex only gets two so he goes straight to the Rings of Saturn and Swann taps at 13:29.

Rating: C+. This wasn’t quite as good as I was expecting but Neville winning was exactly the right call as Swann was outclassed for weeks on end during the build to the match. Swann was fine for a first champion in the 205 area but he needed to go down here, especially in a clean finish to the better man.

New Day shills Vudu.

We recap the Smackdown World Title match. AJ Styles and John Cena started feuding last May and Styles swept Cena in two matches. Cena was gone for a good while due to an injury but is back and healthy with his sights set on winning his 16^th World Title to tie Ric Flair’s record.

Smackdown World Title: John Cena vs. AJ Styles

Cena is challenging and they stare each other down to start. AJ goes after the leg to start and takes Cena down for a kneedrop. Cena tries an early AA but Styles lands on his feet and grabs a hurricanrana. The sliding forearm gets two and a German suplex into a facebuster gets the same.

Cena just blasts him with a clothesline and the Shuffle gets two. It’s too early for a superplex though as AJ slips down into a torture rack into a powerbomb for two of his own. The first AA gets two and the Phenomenal Forearm gives AJ the same. Cena comes back with an electric chair facebuster for two and it’s time for the slugout.

AJ pulls him down into the Calf Crusher but Cena reverses into the STF. That breaks down as well and we hit the main event style as AJ grabs an STF (not a great one but it’s comparable to Cena’s) of his own. Cena reverses that into a Figure Four (Because RIC FLAIR IS STILL A THING BABY!) but gets caught in a cross armbreaker, only to power AJ up into a powerbomb to put both guys down again.

The top rope Fameasser is countered into a powerbomb which is transitioned into a Styles Clash for a very close two. Styles’ springboard 450 hits knees and a Code Red (standing sunset flip) gets two more. AJ gets catapulted into the buckle and something like a toss into a Big Ending gets yet another near fall. The super AA only gets two and Cena is…..well I’d assume stunned because WE LOOK AT THE CROWD REACTIONS INSTEAD OF THE WRESTLERS. Two straight AA’s give Cena the sixteenth title at 23:55.

Rating: A-. Now if only Cena can lose it and win it again later to give him the record once and for all so we can forget about Flair (yes I know Flair claims it’s 21 or 23 or whatever he’s claiming at the moment but 16 is the official number and the one that matters). This was another great match and Cena winning the belt back, even for a short run, is long overdue. He hasn’t been champion in over two years and really, that last reign was only because Bryan got hurt. I’m very happy with this and it was another very good match to boot.

We look at HHH responding to Seth Rollins last night after Takeover. HHH’s advice is to not wish for something you don’t want because tomorrow night, STEPHANIE is confronting Rollins face to face.

Jerry Lawler is doing commentary on the Rumble.

Rumble by the Numbers.

Only 16 of the 30 possible numbers have won

7 winners are from 1-10

4 have been from 11-20

19 have been from 21-40

27 is the lucky number

1 and 2 have produced 4 winners

2 people have won from #1

Only one person has won from the same number twice (Batista at #28)

Kane has entered the most Royal Rumbles and has the most eliminations

The title has been on the line twice

Four winners have been runners up

Six names have won twice

Steve Austin has won three times

Royal Rumble

Two minute intervals. Big Cass is in at #1 and Enzo fills in some more time by singing about how much he loves Texas. After a speech about this is the big Rumble and Cass is going to act like HBK in 1995, Chris Jericho is in at #2. Cass starts fast and throws Jericho around, only to have to block the Walls. A catapult sends Jericho to the apron and Kalisto is in at #3.

Kalisto is sent to the apron but springboards back in to speed things WAY up. One big boot drops drops the masked man but Jericho is back up to slug away at Cass in the corner. Mojo Rawley is in at #4 as the clock is already WAY off. With no one doing anything of note, Jericho sets the record for most combined time in the Rumble. Jack Gallagher is in at #5 and it’s time for the umbrella shots.

Jericho slams him down and Jack crotches him with the umbrella, which he twirls around between Jericho’s legs. Mark Henry is in at #6 as we don’t have any eliminations yet. Gallagher’s headbutt has no effect and he’s sent flying over the top (with umbrella in hand of course) for the first elimination. Braun Strowman is in at #7 as Jericho is sent outside but not over the top.

Rawley and Cass are put out in short order with Kalisto quickly following. That leaves Henry vs. Strowman for the obvious showdown with the obvious ending. We’re down to Strowman and Jericho (on the floor) as Sami Zayn is in at #8. Sami hammers away to a bit more avail than you would expect but he’s quickly pounded down.

Big Show is in at #9 and we get another big power showdown. Strowman gets chokeslammed but Show has to to after Jericho, who eats a KO Punch. TYE DILLINGER comes in at #10 and helps Sami hammer on Strowman. At the moment we’ve got Sami, Strowman, Dillinger, Jericho and James Ellsworth is in at #11. Dillinger and Sami try to get rid of Strowman to no avail so here’s Dean Ambrose in at #12.

Dean and Ellsworth agree to go after Strowman but James stays on the floor. James goes in and is quickly tossed, leaving Dean, Dillinger and Zayn to work on Strowman. Baron Corbin is in at #13 and makes it a quadruple team but Strowman gets rid of Dillinger for his seventh elimination. Corbin and company hammer on Strowman and Baron actually clotheslines Braun out on his own for a BIG surprise.

Kofi Kingston is in at #14 and nothing happens until Miz is in at #15, giving us Sami, Jericho, Ambrose, Corbin, Kofi and Miz. A Deep Six drops Miz and Kofi gets crotched on the top, allowing him to hang over the back of the post for his big save. Sheamus is in at #16 and stares Miz down to scare him off. Everyone lays around and it’s Big E. in at #17. New Day works together but doesn’t get rid of anyone so here’s Rusev (with a mask on to protect what looks to be a broken nose) at #18.

Again that goes nowhere as Cesaro is in at #19 with the ring getting too full. Cesaro Swings a bunch of people until Rusev superkicks him down. Xavier Woods is in at #20, giving us Sami, Jericho, Ambrose, Corbin, Kofi, Miz, Sheamus, Big E., Rusev, Cesaro and Woods. New Day hammers on Sheamus and Miz is sent into a double kick in the corner.

Bray Wyatt is in at #21 and we get Woods staring at Bray for a callback to their feud last year. Woods is sent to the apron but not eliminated as Apollo Crews is in at #22. Sheamus and Cesaro clothesline New Day out at the same time, only to have Jericho dump both of them out. Randy Orton is in at #23, giving us Orton, Sami, Jericho, Ambrose, Corbin, Miz, Rusev, Wyatt and Crews. RKO’s abound until Dolph Ziggler is in at #24. This time it’s superkicks abounding and it’s Luke Harper in at #25.

Harper elbows Crews out but turns into a staredown with Orton. Bray has to play peacekeeper again so Harper blasts him with a clothesline. Orton takes a boot but comes right back with an RKO on Harper to break up Sister Abigail on Bray (you read that right). Brock Lesnar is in at #26 and gets rid of Ambrose and Ziggler before starting in on the German suplexes. Some F5’s leave everyone down and heeeeere’s………Enzo at #27. Graves: “This may be the greatest moment of my life!”

Enzo gets all fired up and takes one heck of a clothesline before being tossed. Goldberg is in at #28 and this could be very interesting. The spear drops Lesnar in a hurry and a clothesline gets rid of Brock two seconds later. Sami takes a Jackhammer but Orton and Wyatt jump Goldberg.

That means a double spear and here’s Undertaker in at #29 but he surprises Goldberg from behind instead of coming down the aisle (smart move there). Undertaker grabs Goldberg by the throat but has to eliminate Corbin. Goldberg dumps Harper but Undertaker tosses Goldberg for a surprise. A bunch of chokeslams take everyone down and…….ROMAN REIGNS is the surprise entrant at #30.

The final group is Undertaker, Reigns, Zayn, Jericho, Miz, Wyatt and Orton (good lineup). Reigns and Undertaker slug it out as the fans are calling this BS. Miz gets clotheslined out and Sami is tossed to get us down to five. Roman dumps Undertaker and does the big stare, likely setting up Wrestlemania. A Superman Punch gets rid of Jericho and we’re down to Reigns, Wyatt and Orton. The double teaming begins but both Wyatts take Superman Punches. Wyatt is tossed but the spear is countered into an RKO and a clothesline sends Orton to Wrestlemania at 1:01:55.

Rating: C+. As is always the case, this one is going to need some time to process but I’m ok with Orton winning. There wasn’t a miles ahead winner this year so Orton is perfectly fine and it likely sets up Wyatt vs. Orton (likely for the title) at Wrestlemania. Reigns as #30 showed some massive balls from WWE, though I was very surprised at Samoa Joe not showing up.

Dillinger at #10 was the right move and Undertaker vs. Reigns could be…..uh…..I’ll get back to you on that when we know a bit more. Overall I’m happy but there was that WAY too long stretch in the middle with everyone lying around. The ending helped though and the Rumble was better than most recent years (save for last year of course).

Pyro wraps us up.

Overall Rating: B+. That’s one of the first times in a LONG time that WWE has beaten NXT. The card was solid enough to balance out a just ok Rumble, which is actually a pretty rare occurrence. We’re well on the Road to Wrestlemania now though and you can see a lot of the big matches from here. I’m glad it’s only two weeks until Elimination Chamber so a lot more of it can be set up but the Raw side scares me more and more every single day. Very strong show, but for some reason it doesn’t seem like it’s going to be all that memorable.

Results

Charlotte b. Bayley – Natural Selection onto the apron

Kevin Owens b. Roman Reigns – Pin after a powerslam from Braun Strowman

Neville b. Rich Swann – Rings of Saturn

John Cena b. AJ Styles – Attitude Adjustment

Randy Orton won the 2017 Royal Rumble last eliminating Roman Reigns

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the History of the WWE’s Big Four Pay Per Views, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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I really need to stop doing these when I’m half asleep, causing me to not post them on here on time.  Here it is for the sake of completion though.

This might be my favorite show of the year. There’s something so simple about the idea of a bunch of people being in the ring at once and the last person standing wins a big prize. The main event is one of the most anticipated matches of the year and there’s a lot more to it than just who goes on to the World Title match at “Wrestlemania XXXIII”. There’s a full card on top of the main event so let’s get to it.

1. Pre-Show: Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax

We’ll start with the three pre-show matches, beginning with Nia Jax vs. Sasha Banks. This is your old big vs. little match with Banks coming in with a bad knee and Jax liking the idea of torturing what she sees as the former Boss. Banks is of course ready for a challenge, as she always is.

I think I’m going with Jax here, as it seems that they’re prepping her for a run near the Raw Women’s Title. It’s not the worst idea in the world and Banks is certainly one of those characters who can just talk for all of ten seconds and be back in the fans’ good graces. The match should be entertaining, though I’m not sure how well this is going to go with the size difference.

2. Pre-Show: Raw Tag Team Titles: Luke Gallows/Karl Anderson vs. Sheamus/Cesaro

Oh my goodness I’m already bored just thinking about this match. Anderson and Gallows couldn’t beat New Day for the titles so now we get to watch them chase the belts here even more. Neither team has done anything interesting since they started feuding and I have no real interest in either of them or anything they do.

That being said, I’ll take the champions to retain here because WWE REALLY likes them for reasons that aren’t clear to me in the slightest. Sheamus and Cesaro could be fine as singles wrestlers (as they’ve been for years) while Anderson and Gallows only seem to be better off together. That doesn’t make for a great match but it could make for a rather boring one, which would keep them on the same path they’ve had for months now.

3. Pre-Show: Becky Lynch/Nikki Bella/Naomi vs. Alexa Bliss/Mickie James/Natalya

This is a simple “take everyone and throw them into one match so entrances can take up a bunch of time” match and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s not like there’s really a big challenger for Bliss’ Smackdown Women’s Title at the moment so it wouldn’t make sense to throw out something like Bliss vs. Naomi here. You also don’t want to blow off Lynch vs. James yet so this makes the most sense.

I’ll take good side winning with Naomi pinning Bliss, likely setting up their title match. Naomi might not be the most interesting character in the world but she’s more than capable of being the #1 contender and maybe even a short term champion. The other four can just be there for the sake of being there and there’s nothing wrong with that.

4. Raw Women’s Title: Charlotte vs. Bayley

Somehow, “Monday Night Raw” has managed to botch the most over female since Lita. Bayley should be able to plugged into the title scene, fight against the odds and win the title in a big moment. Somehow though, she’s arguing with Stephanie McMahon about what it means to be a star and reading poetry in a segment that went on far too long. They’ve gotten closer with this “fan vs. star from birth” story but, as usual, it gets bogged down on the main shows.

Charlotte is likely retaining here because for some reason we NEED a four way title match at “Wrestlemania XXXIII” instead of just having Bayley fight against the odds like Daniel Bryan in a sports bra. It’s going to be a big moment when Bayley finally wins the title but it’s just not happening on Sunday.

5. Smackdown World Title: John Cena vs. AJ Styles

Now this is more like it as WWE has managed to turn this into one of the best feuds over the World Title in a long time. Both guys feel like major stars (because they are major stars) and Styles is just beating Cena at every turn. Styles has been Smackdown World Champion since September and has been one of the best performers all year long by miles and miles.

That being said, I think he survives the Cena challenge here, perhaps with someone interfering to set up Cena’s next feud, and allowing Styles to drop the belt inside the Elimination Chamber (Meaning we get STYLES VS. SHANE MCMAHON because we’re just that lucky). Either way, it’s going to be a 20-25 minute classic, as if you would expect it to be anything else.

6. Cruiserweight Title: Rich Swann vs. Neville

Aside from the Royal Rumble itself, this might be the match I’m looking forward to more than anything else. Neville has been on fire since turning heel and Swann has really upped his game in this feud. They’ve made me want to see this match and that’s not something I ever expected to see out of the Cruiserweight Title, either in this generation or in its previous incarnation.

I’ll go with the logical choice and say Neville wins the title here but it wouldn’t surprise me to see them keep the belt on Swann for some reason. Neville has been the better performer in this story and plays his character to perfection but other than Cedric Alexander and maybe the debuting Akira Tozawa, I’m not sure who he could feud again. Neville should win though, and that’s what matters most.

7. Raw World Title: Roman Reigns vs. Kevin Owens

Let’s get this over with. I don’t remember the last time I was this uninterested in a World Title match and a lot of that comes down to the two stipulations. This match has had a six week build and the big idea is Chris Jericho being locked in a shark cage above the ring. Like really, that’s it. Then, to really hammer the point home, they turned it into a No DQ match, meaning that Jericho would be allowed to interfere anyway. You know, because there’s so much effort and thought put into this thing.

Actually I think Reigns loses here so Owens can drop the belt from a better perspective. Then again, there’s always the chance that WWE will continue to ignore everyone’s feeling on Reigns and set him up for a big face match at “Wrestlemania XXXIII”. I mean, word on the street has him as a face and going over Undertaker there so what do I know? But yeah, Owens keeps the belt here.

8. Royal Rumble

I’m going to get straight to the point here: I have no idea who is winning this thing. It’s very rare that WWE is capable of putting together a match where it really is wide open but they’ve pulled it off here. Looking at the twenty two names currently announced, there are at least seven (Goldberg, Brock Lesnar, Baron Corbin, Undertaker, Miz, Bray Wyatt, Randy Orton) serious potential winners and you could squint your eyes and get up to more than ten.

There are so many stories going around about what might be happening in Orlando this year and that’s what I love about this year’s Royal Rumble: it feels wide open. How boring is it when you’re just waiting around on the one or two guys who could realistically win and the rest is just seeing spots? You have to go back to 2012 at the very most recent where the winner wasn’t mostly obvious and that’s far too long.

Let’s pull a name out of a hat here and go with….Wyatt winning the thing. I know it’s not likely to happen but it’s not like there’s a dominant option out there this year. Wyatt winning and going on to face Orton for the Smackdown World Title at “Wrestlemania XXXIII” has been rumored so it makes as much sense as anything else. I have no confidence in the pick but it’s the best I’ve got.

As is so often the case, the Royal Rumble is going to come down to its namesake match but it has the potential to be something fun. “Wrestlemania XXXIII” is wide open this year and we’ll know a lot more about it the next twenty four hours. The winner isn’t always even the most important thing and that makes for a very interesting battle royal. If the rest of the show is even better, that’s just a bonus.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the History of the WWE’s Big Four Pay Per Views, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/01/27/kbs-reviews-now-available-in-paperback/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6