Smackdown
Date: January 21, 2016
Location: Nutter Center, Dayton, Ohio
Attendance: 3,000
Commentators: Mauro Ranallo, Byron Saxton, John Bradshaw Layfield

It’s the go home show for the Royal Rumble and Roman Reigns is already in trouble tonight with a handicap match against the entire League of Nations. This show is almost destined to end with a big brawl between most of the different major factions in the Rumble and it wouldn’t feel right if things ended any differently. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Chris Jericho to open things up. It’s been fourteen months since he’s been on Smackdown but he wants to talk about three days from now, which will be the biggest Royal Rumble of all time. Jericho instructs the monkeys to show us what happened on Monday, which leads us into the three and a half minute recap of most of Monday’s events, including the Highlight Reel to end the show.

Back in the arena, Jericho says Brock may be the beast incarnate but Jericho is here to save the WWE. That’s Sunday thought because right now, he’s here to be interrupted by the New Day. Big E. wishes shame on Jericho for destroying Francesca and now making light of things while New Day is in mourning. Woods thinks there should be a documentary made about Christal (yes Christal) called Making a Brass Murderer.

Jericho is so cold blooded that he wouldn’t give a crippled crab a crutch. We get a moment of silence for Francesca but Jericho says this, along with the horns on New Day’s heads, are stupid. Jericho thinks they need better unicorn names, like Sparkles, Bartholomew, Rootie and Tootie. That’s enough to get them into the ring but Jericho says they already have a six man scheduled.

New Day vs. Usos/Dolph Ziggler

Maybe this will be a bit more entertaining than the rather boring Jericho vs. New Day segments. I know they sound great on paper but they’re really not working in practice. Dolph has some face paint of its own. Kofi and Jimmy get things going with Kingston taking over and telling the fans not to call them Rootie Tooties. It’s quickly off to Jey for two off a double back elbow. It’s off to Woods (or Tootie, giving me flashbacks to the Facts of Life, which is odd as I’ve never watched the show) who gets caught in a neckbreaker from Ziggler, followed by a big elbow drop for two.

Big E. comes in for a quick belly to belly and the Warrior Splash. As usual there is no reference to their history together because once something ends in WWE, it is never brought up again ever, or at least until they go back to that exact story. It’s back to Kofi for a chinlock but he tries to go up top and gets dropkicked out of the air.

The hot tag brings in Jimmy to clean house with dropkicks all around and a running Umaga Attack to Kofi. Big E. low bridges him though and we take a break. Back with Big E. holding Jimmy in the abdominal stretch and Woods shouting at the fans. Woods gets two off a faceplant as Ranallo mentions Xavier going for his fourth college degree. That’s just impressive.

Jimmy kicks Big E. away and scores with a Whisper in the Wind, allowing the real hot tag to Ziggler. Everything breaks down and Jey dropkicks everyone he can find. Well everyone not on his team and not wearing a referee shirt that is. A double dive takes out Kofi and Big E., leaving Woods to take a triple superkick for the pin at 14:44.

Rating: C. This was your standard Smackdown six man tag and there’s nothing wrong with that. New Day continues to be amusing as they’re actually going from one step to another with their comedy instead of doing the same stuff over and over for months and being surprised when the reactions die off. This is where the Usos excel though and these matches are always worth at least a quick look.

Ranallo refers to Reigns having to face all four members of the League of Nations as a “stiff test.” That’s rather subtle.

Rumble By the Numbers video.

Becky Lynch vs. Alicia Fox

Charlotte and Flair (kind of surprising to see him on Smackdown) are on commentary. Fox runs her over to start and takes Becky to the floor for a kick to the chest. For some reason (likely fallout from her being crazy) Alicia grabs a northern lights suplex on the floor and holds the bridge for a count that is never coming. Back in and Becky starts her clotheslines comeback until Fox knees her in the face. Not that it matters as Becky reverses a slam into the Disarm-Her for the tap at 2:59.

It’s time for MizTV with guests Dean Ambrose and Kevin Owens. Miz explains the rules of a Last Man Standing match until Ambrose comes out to cut him off. Dean says Sunday isn’t really even a match because it’s more of an amusement park. Miz asks Ambrose if he thinks he can do a better job hosting this show.

The fan reactions send Miz to sit in the corner and Dean gets back to the amusement park idea. He goes outside and points to the apron, which is the first ride he’s going to take Owens on. “Has anyone ever noticed that Owens kind of looks like a bear?” That’s why he calls the edge of the steps the bear trap because he can get Owens’ hand caught behind them and hit him with anything he wants, including the new Smackdown announcer. That leaves Dean with the announcers’ table, which he calls Memory Lane. He can’t wait to give Owens the kind of beating he deserves on this table but here’s Kevin to interrupt.

Owens says he’s more of a zoo enthusiast than an amusement park guy (amen brother) but more than that he’s obsessed with getting his Intercontinental Title back. That’s why on Sunday he’ll do whatever he has to do to get his title back and leave Dean laying. Ambrose wants to fight right now but Miz jumps Dean from behind at the mention of DeanTV. This brings Owens to the ring…..to lay out Miz with the Pop Up Powerbomb. Dean fights back on Kevin but can’t give him Dirty Deeds. Owens bails so Dean gives Miz the DDT instead before counting to ten (it wouldn’t be the build to a Last Man Standing match without one of those).

The Wyatts are here.

Bray Wyatt vs. Ryback

After a clip of the Wyatts laying Brock out on Raw, Ryback hits an early cross body and pounds away at Bray’s head. There’s the Thesz Press with Ryback ramming the back of the head into the mat. For some reason Ryback heads outside though, allowing Bray to Rock Bottom him onto the apron as we take a break.

Back with Ryback running Bray over and hitting a…..dang it he hit a superkick. You would think RYBACK would be immune from using that move but it really is spreading out of control. Bray avoids the top rope splash though and gets two off the backsplash. Ryback hits a quick spinebuster and Meathook but Harper offers a distraction, allowing Strowman to send Ryback into the steps. Sister Abigail puts Ryback away at 8:00.

Rating: C-. I feel sorry for Ryback at times. It’s clear that he’s trying to get better but there’s no room for someone like him to get anywhere because he’s one of those guys that is going to be stuck in the midcard loop until he leaves because that’s how WWE works. Bray is the same way but on a slightly higher loop.

Post match the Wyatts lay Ryback out again.

Stardust vs. Titus O’Neil

Yes again. Titus starts fast with the hard overhead chops but Stardust takes him to the floor and sends Titus into the barricade. Back in and we hit the crossface chickenwing for a bit before Titus comes back with a shoulder and clothesline. Such varied offense. Stardust gets two off a DDT but gets crotched on top, setting up the Clash of the Titus for the pin at 3:04.

Rating: D. I’m sick of seeing these two fight, especially when there’s really no reason for them to keep having matches. Are they really still after each other because Titus came into Stardust’s room or something for a few weeks in a row? If nothing else I do like this better than more dull Prime Time Players matches though.

Kalisto talks about Alberto being up there with Mil Mascaras, Rey Mysterio and Eddie Guerrero in Mexican wrestling, Sure Del Rio is bigger and stronger, but Kalisto has been fighting Goliaths his entire life. Del Rio comes in and says Kalisto’s wins were flukes. The League appears and beats Kalisto down.

Roman Reigns comes out for his match but says he’s not really surprised that the odds were stacked against him again. That just makes the fight bigger and he can’t wait to come back home with his WWE World Title. Simple and to the point here.

Roman Reigns vs. League of Nations

Sheamus starts for the team but can’t drag Reigns over to the corner. It’s off to Rusev instead but he’s low bridged to the floor and driven into the barricade. Back in and it’s quickly off to Sheamus for a hard knee to the ribs. That means it’s back to Rusev, who shouts at Reigns to tag his partner.

Sheamus puts on a chinlock with a knee in the back until Reigns sends him into the corner for a breather. Rusev comes in and misses a charge, allowing Reigns to come back with some clotheslines. The referee tells them to go home because they’ve got one minute, meaning it’s time for Del Rio and Barrett to come in and jump Reigns for the DQ at 4:57. Barrett and Del Rio never tagged in.

Rating: D. Why not just make this Rusev/Sheamus instead of all four? I mean, if Barrett and Del Rio can’t do anything (for whatever reason with Del Rio), why even list them? You could still do the same ending and the match might be a bit more interesting with less ridiculous odds for Roman to overcome.

Post match the League keeps up the beatdown until the Usos come in. This draws out the Wyatts for the long beatdown on Reigns to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. What a worthless show. I really don’t care any more about Sunday’s show than I did before and most of the matches were either too short to rate or bad. It’s really amazing how far this show has fallen in just two weeks after debuting on USA. Lame show here that you really could have skipped.

Results

Usos/Dolph Ziggler b. New Day – Triple Superkick to Woods

Becky Lynch b. Alicia Fox – Disarm-Her

Bray Wyatt b. Ryback – Sister Abigail

Titus O’Neil b. Stardust – Clash of the Titus

Roman Reigns b. League of Nations via DQ when all four attacked Reigns

Royal Rumble 2013
Date: January 27, 2013
Location: US Airways Center, Phoenix, Arizona
Attendance: 13,00
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

This show was only a year ago and I can barely remember anything about it. Aside from the Rumble the big matches are the Rock challenging CM Punk for the WWE Title in the most obvious ending ever and Alberto Del Rio defending his newly won World Heavyweight Championship against Big Show in a last man standing match. Other than that we’ve only got HELL NO vs. the Rhodes Scholars to complete the card. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: US Title: The Miz vs. Antonio Cesaro

Cesaro is defending. This is just after Flair passed the Figure Four to Miz, starting the worst period of his career. Miz grabs a headlock to start and gets two off an elbow to the jaw. The headlock takes Cesaro down to the mat but he fights up and grabs one of his own. Back up and Miz tries a leapfrog but gets caught in midair with a tikt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. The champion takes over and cranks on both of Miz’s arms before getting two off a Michinoku Driver.

A hard European uppercut sets up the gutwrench suplex for two and it’s back to the double arm. Back up again and Miz slips out of a slam and hooks the Reality Check for two. There’s the running clothesline in the corner and Miz goes up but hurts his knee on the top rope ax handle. Cesaro gets caught with his feet on the ropes, allowing Miz to get two off a rollup. Antonio misses a running knee in the corner but is still able to roll away from the Figure Four. Cesar takes him to the floor and rams Miz into the metal underneath the ring. Miz is out cold so Cesaro Neutralizes him for the pin to retain.

Rating: D+. Miz just doesn’t work in a lot of these matches and the Figure Four doesn’t work in the slightest. Thankfully he wouldn’t be featured very prominently for awhile as there was just nothing to him for the most part. Cesaro still needs to get a push as he’s more talented and marketable than half the roster but instead we get people like Miz.

The opening video is about time passing and how no one has enough. This ties into Punk’s time as champion with Rock saying the reign ends tonight.

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Alberto Del Rio

Last man standing match, which is a rematch with the same stipulations from when Alberto won the title a few weeks ago. Del Rio turned the announce table on top of Big Show so Big Show turned it on top of him a few weeks later. Alberto is shown in the back and he runs into Bret Hart for no apparent reason whatsoever. Bret says Alberto reminds him of a Mexican version of himself. Alberto calls Bret a Canadian Del Rio and Ricardo gushes, earning him Bret’s sunglasses. What a bizarre cameo.

Some hard chops have Del Rio in early trouble and a slam gets a five count. Alberto chops away but jumps off the middle rope right into a chop to change control right back. The champion dropkicks the giant’s knee out but the low superkick actually knocks Big Show up from his knees to his feet. A hurricanrana and a seated senton put Big Show down and Alberto gets a breather. It’s amazing how much more intersting Del Rio is by doing this lucha stuff instead of his arm work. The arm stuff is good but this is such a nice change of pace.

Big Show blocks the armbreaker with one arm and slams Del Rio down, sending him outside. Del Rio gets back in as Big Show gets a chair but the champion dropkicks him in the ribs to knock it out of his hands. A series of chair shots (crowd: “SI! SI! SI!”) has Big Show down but Alberto dives into a chokeslam for an eight count. We head outside again with Del Rio getting chopped to the floor with ease. This is a very slow paced match so far.

A pair of low blows puts Big Show down in the aisle but he’s up at nine. Show hits something resembling a DDT on the floor before sending Del Rio into the set. He rips a piece of the set, resembling a light tube, and blasts Del Rio over the back. Since this is WWE there’s a table readily available and Big Show takes the champion on top of the set for a chokeslam through the table. The bump looked awesome but he’s again on his feet at nine.

The beating takes Del Rio back to the ring and Show loads up the WMD. Alberto sees it coming and rolls outside, only to have Big Show throw Ricardo around for fun. Big Show misses a charge through the barricade (clearly heavily padded) for five but a long series of chair shots has him down again. Del Rio crushes the arm between the steps and a chair, but Alberto follows up with a fire extinguisher blast to the face for no apparent reason. Back in and the armbreaker goes on, but Ricardo ups the ante by duct taping Big Show’s legs to the ropes. The giant can’t get up and Alberto retains the title.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t the worst match in the world but it was very slowly paced and the ending made Del Rio look more clever than tough. It also doesn’t help that the match was the same gimmick they did less than a month ago. Face Alberto was a nice guy but they cut the cord just six months after this. Not bad, but Del Rio winning the title here would have been much better.

Send Slim Jims to the military!

Ziggler isn’t worried about being in the Rumble and AJ threatens Matt Striker with Big E. Langston for implying Ziggler can’t win. Langston does one of the most mind blowing imitations of an annoying reporter while asking Ziggler for his thoughts on the main event. Dolph has little of note to say but no one was hearing him after Big E.’s bit anyway.

Cesaro says he’ll continue the streak of non-Americans winning the Rumble.

The Prime Time Players……WE’RE GETTING RUMBLE PROMOS!!!! Anyway they say anyone that thinks they’ll eliminate either of them is getting a penalty flag.

Orton says he’s perfect for the Rumble because it’s every man for himself.

Cena is ready for the Rumble because it means he can be champion again.

Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett says he’ll restore credability to the Rumble.

Sheamus says he won the Rumble last year and he’ll do it again tonight.

Ryback isn’t any catchphrase and he doesn’t eat Fruity Pebbles, but he’ll see food every 90 seconds. Feed him more.

We recap Miz vs. Cesaro on the pre-show.

Tag Titles: HELL NO vs. Rhodes Scholars

The Scholars are challenging. Cody kicks Bryan in the ribs as Cole references Queen lyrics. Bryan spins out of a wristlock and the fans chant for Cody’s mustache. Cody’s leapfrog is countered into a surfboard and it’s off to Kane for a low dropkick and a two count. Rhodes scores with a dropkick of his own and drives Kane into the corner for the tag off to Sandow. Kane easily powers Sandow into the corner because, you know, he’s Damien Sandow and it’s off to Bryan for the YES Kicks.

JBL rants about Cole and Lawler hugging as Kane kicks Sandow in the face, knocking him out to the floor. The FLYING GOAT takes out the challengers but Cody low bridges Bryan to the floor to take over. Back in and a half crab has Daniel in trouble but he reverses into a small package to escape. Damien comes in again and drops an elbow for two before dropping the Wind-Up Elbow.

After some knees to the back it’s Cody in again but he charges into a boot in the corner. Sandow breaks up a hot tag attempt and Cody puts Bryan in an over the shoulder backbreaker. Daniel slides down to escape and makes the tag to Kane. Sandow is tossed around like a rag doll but a Cody distraction prevents the top rope clothesline. Kane grabs both guys by the throat and Bryan tags himself in. The Scholars double suplex Kane but Bryan shoves Cody into a chokeslam and Daniel YES Locks Sandow to retain.

Rating: C. Nothing you wouldn’t see on Raw around this time which means it was fine. The Scholars were a nice idea for a team but it was clear that they had no chance at this point given how low their individual stocks were. Kane and Bryan gelled perfectly well as a team and Bryan would get far bigger very soon.

Rumble By The Numbers which I’ve typed many times already.

HELL NO celebrates in the back when Vickie Guerrero comes up and gives them their Rumble numbers. Daniel shows Kane his but Kane won’t show Bryan.

We look at the Royal Rumble Fan Fest which is another name for Axxess. This included a tournament of NXT wrestlers for a spot in the Rumble, won by Bo Dallas.

Royal Rumble

Ziggler is #1 which he picked (the other option was #2) after winning a Beat the Clock Challenge on Raw. Dolph says he’ll win and doesn’t care who he faces first, bringing out a returning Chris Jericho at #2. This was a complete shock and the roof is blown off the building. Also remember that Ziggler beat Jericho to send him out of the company to give us some history. The clock is at 90 seconds between entrants this year.

Jericho is quickly sent to the apron but comes back with a top rope ax handle. Now it’s Dolph on the apron as the fans tell Jericho he still has it. When did Jericho ever come close to losing it? A superplex brings Ziggler back into the ring and Cody Rhodes is in at #3. Jericho hammers away on him but Ziggler gets in a cheap shot as the double teaming begins. Chris knocks Ziggler down and puts Cody in the Walls but Dolph makes the save.

Dolph catapults Jericho throat first into the bottom rope as Kofi Kingston is in at #4. Kofi immediately speeds things up and pounds away on Cody but can’t hit Ziggy with Trouble in Paradise. Ziggler is thrown to the apron and all four guys try to eliminate each other at the same time in the same spot. Santino Marella is #5 and he sends all four to the apron before loading up the Cobra. Everybody is back in and even though Santino takes Kofi down with the sock, it’s Cody backdropping Marella out.

Drew McIntyre of 3MB is #6 and gets to fight Kofi as everyone else takes a breather. Back up and it’s time to lay on the ropes while trying to eliminate people. Jericho is sent over the ropes but he keeps his feet off the ground and gets back in. Titus O’Neil is in at #7 to add some power, including taking Cody and Kofi down with a double clothesline. Cole finally tells us that the bark is a shout out to his fraternity from Florida. Thank you for explaining that to us after two years.

Jericho throws out McIntyre but can’t do the same to Ziggler as Goldust is #8. Cody gets ready for the showdown and the fans are WAY into this. They trade the kneeling uppercuts and Goldie stomps on Cody for a bit. The fans chant for Goldust and it’s David Otunga (remember him?) is in at #9. The announcers ignore the match to talk about the commentators being in the Rumble last year as people start to pair off.

Nothing much happens until Heath Slater is in at #10. That gives us Ziggler, Jericho, Rhodes, Kingston, O’Neil, Goldust, Otunga and Slater at the moment. Slater fires off right hands to Kofi as Jericho calls spots to Ziggler. Dolph gets stuck on the apron again and Sheamus is #11 to clear out some bodies. He destroys everyone with his usual stuff before sending Titus to the apron for the ten forearms. Otunga is thrown onto Titus to get rid of O’Neil before ten forearms and a Brogue Kick get rid of the lawyer. Tensai, still the Japanese lunkhead, is #12.

Everybody goes after Tensai to make a big cluster in the corner. That goes nowhere at all so Brodus Clay comes in at #13. We get a Tons of Funk preview before Goldust backdrops Cody to the apron, only to get pulled to the apron as well. Cody gets back in and sends Goldust into the post for the elimination and a lot of booing. Rey Mysterio is #14 to make the crowd happy again. Ziggler and Jericho get quick 619s and the top rope splash crushes Jericho. Things slow down a bit until we reach the halfway point with Darren Young at #15.

A bunch of guys join forces to dump Brodus and Kofi puts out Tensai a few seconds later. Now we get to the part that everybody was waiting on as Kofi is knocked off the apron, only to land on Tensai’s back. He jumps onto the announcers’ table as he tries to figure this out. Why he doesn’t just jump two feet to get onto the steps is beyond me. Bo Dallas is #16 as this is going on. Instead of the steps, Kofi gets JBL’s office chair and pogos his way back to the ring. Kingston pulls Darren out of the ring but gets caught with the Disaster Kick for the elimination before he can get back inside.

Godfather gives us the nostalgia pop at #17 and is dropkicked out by Ziggler four seconds later. He seems ok with that and leaves with his women. The whole point was the entrance anyway so I have no issue with that. Wade Barrett is in at #18 as the ring is getting too full. Everything slows down again and John Cena is #19 to clear out some tired people. Everybody gets ready for him so Cena comes a charging. John fights them all off and throws out Slater and Cody but can’t dump Jericho.

Damien Sandow is #20, giving us Ziggler, Jericho, Sheamus, Mysterio, Dallas, Barrett, Cena and Sandow. Mysteiro and Barrett fight to the apron and a big forearm puts Rey out. Sheamus goes right after Wade as Jericho tries to put Cena in the Walls. Daniel Bryan is #21 and fires off kicks to Sandow. Now it’s Barrett getting the kicks as everyone else is down. Sheamus and Bryan try to put Jericho out but he slides back in under the ropes.

Antonio Cesaro is in at #22 and gets in a fight with Sheamus as the fans start the dueling Cena chants. Everybody is back up now and Great Khali is #23. It’s chops all around until things calm a bit. Kane comes in at #24 to fire things up again (get it?) but the ring is too full. It gets even worse with Zach Ryder coming in at #25 but HELL NO dumps Khali. Bryan dumps Kane but Cesaro dumps Bryan into Kane’s arms. Daniel: YES! Kane shouts no and drops Bryan for the elimination in a funny bit.

Randy Orton is #26 and it’s powerslams all around. Ziggler and Dallas get a double Elevated DDT and it’s an RKO for Ryder, followed by the elimination. Jinder Mahal gets lucky #27 as Cesaro lifts Cena up, only to be eliminated himself. Ziggler gets launched to the ropes but slides back in as Miz is #28. He gets in a fight with Cesaro in the aisle and limps into the ring to sell the ankle injury from earlier. Sheamus dumps Mahal and Sin Cara is #29.

Cara tries an enziguri on Ziggler which misses by four inches but Ziggler sells it anyway. Bo Dallas pulls Barrett out in an elimination that should have led further than it did. Miz sends Jericho to the apron as Barrett pulls Dallas out from the floor. Ryback is #30 to give us a final grouping of Ryback, Ziggler, Jericho, Sheamus, Cena, Sandow, Orton, Miz and Sin Cara. Damien is out first and Sin Cara quickly follows. Miz tries to power Ryback out and is tossed as well to get us down to six. Jericho is somehow still alive and hits a Lionsault on Cena but the springboard dropkick doesn’t eliminate Sheamus.

Ziggler backdrops Jericho to the apron and superkicks him out (missed as well but he’s spent at this point) but walks into an RKO. There’s one for Cena as well and Sheamus gets the third. That leaves Ryback to fight Orton but the monster gets taken down with an Elevated DDT. Ryback fights off the RKO and clotheslines Randy out to get us down to four. Ziggler DDTs Cena down but a Brogue Kick puts Dolph on the floor.

It’s Sheamus, Ryback and Cena with Ryback getting double suplexed down. Cena and Sheamus make things serious by LOOKING AT THE SIGN. John takes over but Ryback runs him over with a clothesline. Sheamus escapes the Shell Shock, looks at the sign, and hits White Noise on Ryback. The Brogue Kick is countered with a backdrop to eliminate Sheamus and we’re down to two.

They LOOK AT THE SIGN and do their signature taunts before Ryback spinebusters Cena down. The Meathook is countered into the STF and Ryback passes out, leaving him as dead weight. Ryback fights out of the corner and Cena’s head into the mat. He loads up a powerslam but Cena slips out the back and shoves Ryback out for the win and title shot at Wrestlemania.

Rating: B. It’s a good but not great Rumble. That being said, there was almost no other option to win here, even though it set up the rematch that no one wanted to see. There’s certainly some good stuff in it and there were no down spots, but you would expect more big moments than we got here.

Coming Home ad for Wrestlemania. That still should have been Wrestlemania XXX.

We recap CM Punk vs. The Rock. It’s a basic story: Punk has been champion for 434 days and Rock is getting a title shot because he’s the Rock, which was kind of a lame reason, especially when the shot was announced six months ago. That began a countdown that made everything Punk did meaningless, because there was no way it would be anyone but Rock taking the belt from him here. Yeah Punk got in some shots on Rock before the match, but this was as much of a layup as you could get. Also if Shield or anyone interferes, Punk is stripped of the title.

Rock, after waiting for them to chant his name, says he isn’t worried about Shield, even though they busted up his lung recently. He goes on a rant about how many hard things he’s been through, but redeems himself a bit by talking about his mom getting cancer but beating it to be here tonight. Punk has said that the people don’t count but Rock says every single one of them count to him. He reaches his hand out to everyone that believes in the Rock so he can get their power, if you smell what he’s cooking.

Raw World Title: The Rock vs. CM Punk

Punk of course has Heyman with him. He charges right into the brawl and actually pounds Rock down into the corner. A quick Rock Bottom is countered but Punk is sent outside. Rock follows him outside and sends the champion into the barricade before loading up the announce table. Punk comes back with a shot to the ribs and puts the table back together in a great bit. Back in and Rock scores with more right hands to knock Punk to the floor again.

Punk is whipped into the barricade one more time but he gets a boot up to stop a charging Bull. He finishes fixing the announce table instead of following up on Rock before dropping Rock ribs first on the barricade. They head inside again for a body vice from CM followed by a knee to the ribs for two. Off to a freaky looking hold where Punk pins Rock’s shoulders down but pulls back on his head to crank on the shoulders and back.

More choking follows and a knee to the back has Rock on the apron, followed by a springboard dropkick to send him outside. Punk tries a top rope ax handle to take Rock down but injures his knee in the process. Rock scores with some kicks to the knee but the champion easily sends him out to the floor to stop the comeback. Back in and Punk misses the springboard clothesline and reinjures the knee, giving Rock his opening.

A DDT gets one on Punk but he fights out of the Rock Bottom. The GTS is countered into a Sharpshooter attempt but Punk counters into the Anaconda Vice in a nice sequence. Rock rolls over into a cradle, forcing Punk to let go of the hold. Back up and tries the Rock Bottom but Punk counters into a rollup for two, only to be countered into a low seated Sharpshooter. Punk is next to the rope so naturally he takes thirty seconds to get the break.

Rock takes him to the floor and loads up the announce table again. They fight on top but Rock counters a GTS attempt into what was supposed to be a Rock Bottom but was really more like the table collapsing with Rock’s arm around Punk’s chest. Rock comes up holding his knee and both guys make it back in at an eight count. Punk scores with a high kick but both guys are down.

Back up and Rock wins a slugout before scoring with the spinebuster. He loads up the People’s Elbow and there go the lights. Cole can see Shield pulling Rock to the floor and powerbombing him through the table. The lights come back up and Rock is laid out as the referee has no idea what’s going on. The announcers try to tell Mike Chioda what happened and Punk feigns innocence.

He throws Rock back in for the pin and celebrates but here’s Vince to say Punk is stripped of the title for the interference. Rock says no and to restart the match. The bell rings again and Punk stomps away as JBL threatens to put Cole through a table for playing cheerleader. The Macho Elbow gets two but the GTS is countered into a spinebuster, setting up the People’s Elbow to end Punk’s reign.

Rating: B. It’s another good match but it felt like they were dancing around for twenty three minutes before we got to the obvious ending. The Shield stuff was a decent fake out but it really didn’t need to be there. Rock winning was obvious though and that really put a ceiling on how high this was going to get.

Rock celebrates for about three minutes to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. Yeah it’s a good show overall, but the major problem is obvious: there was no other possibly ending other than Rock vs. Cena at Wrestlemania 29 and almost everyone knew it. The show is definitely entetaining and actually really good at times, but it was so telegraphed up and down the card that it offers almost no excitement at all, even on the initial viewing. Still though, worth checking out if you have nothing else to do.

Ratings Comparison

Antonio Cesaro vs. The Miz

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Alberto Del Rio vs. Big Show

Original: B

Redo: C-

HELL NO vs. Rhodes Scholars

Original: C

Redo: C

Royal Rumble

Original: C+

Redo: B

The Rock vs. CM Punk

Original: B

Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: A-

Redo: B

That original overall rating is too high for what I gave everything else. Also I think the original last man standing match rating is closer to the accurate one. It just didn’t hold up as well on a second viewing, but it was good.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/01/27/royal-rumble-2013-by-the-book-and-still-awesome/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of Wrestlemania at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0188BJRGU

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Royal Rumble 2012
Date: January 29, 2012
Location: Scottrade Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Attendance: 18,121
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Booker T

We wrap things up here with last year’s show. The Rumble is back to the thirty entrant variety which is probably the best move all around. The odds on favorite is Jericho who returned very recently before this show. Other than that we’ve got Daniel Bryan defending his newly won world title against Big Show and Henry in a cage, along with Punk defending against Ziggler. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is of course about going to Wrestlemania.

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Mark Henry

Bryan is champion and beat Show at TLC by cashing in his MITB case in 45 seconds. Show beat Henry at the same show and ran over Bryan’s girlfriend AJ on Raw to set all this up. This is one fall to a finish and it’s pin/submission/escape. Bryan immediately goes for the corner but Henry pulls him down and Show runs Bryan over for two. Show crushes Henry against the cage wall but has to stop to pull Bryan back inside. Bryan tries to run up again but Show catches him by the ankle and slams him back in.

Show loads up the WMD but hits the cage wall instead. The champion fires off some kicks but gets headbutted right back down. Bryan kicks the knee out even harder and fires off some kicks to Henry to keep the other monster down. He goes for the door but you know this isn’t ending that quickly. Henry makes the stop and demands that the referee CLOSE THAT DOOR. Show superkicks Henry down and it’s his turn to take over for awhile.

Bryan gets slammed down but Henry is back up again. A few punches put Show down because a dozen chair shots usually can’t, but a few punches can. Actually that’s a great way to keep Henry looking strong. The fans are cheering for Bryan as Henry and Show collide to put all three guys down. Show gets back up and clotheslines Bryan down a few times before superkicking him in the face. The chokeslam is countered and Bryan hits a tornado DDT on Show for two.

The LeBell (NO!) Lock is put on Show but Henry breaks it up in about a second. The WMD gets two on Henry but Bryan makes the save, which ticks Show off. Bryan SPRINTS up the cage but Show chases after him and grabs Bryan before he can get out. Bryan sits on the top of the cage and pounds away, only to be caught again. The champion is literally hanging from Show’s wrist before finally letting go and falling to the floor to retain the title.

Rating: D+. This really wasn’t all that great. At the end of the day, it was a lot of the same sequence over and over again with Show and Henry not having a ton of interaction at all. The ending didn’t look great either and I’m not sure why Show would just hold him out over the floor like that. This falls under the category of “…..really?” as it’s hard to buy Bryan keeping the belt here.

Long video on Cena and all the stuff he does for WWE. The man is insanely committed to that company.

Divas of Doom/Bella Twins vs. Eve Torres/Alicia Fox/Tamina/Kelly Kelly

The Divas of Doom are Beth and Natalya. Natalya and Tamina start things off and they collide a few times. Tamina slaps her in the face before chopping Nattie down for two. Off to Eve for that bouncing moonsault for two. Since that’s a pretty lame move, Natalya charges her into the corner and brings in Beth who blocks a rolling splash with knees to Eve’s back.

Off to let’s say Nikki for some basic stomps to the back and a quickly broken chinlock. Jerry is asked what he likes about the Bellas and he can’t even get an answer out. Not hot tag brings in Alicia who is immediately sent into the corner and chinlocked as well. Alicia finally counters by flipping Nikki forward and makes the actual hot tag to Kelly. There’s the screaming headscissors and a faceplant for two. Everything breaks down and almost everyone heads to the floor, where Kelly hits a HUGE dive to take everyone out. Back in and Beth SLAPS herself in to hit the Glam Slam on Kelly for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was your usual Divas match: they did their “sexy” spots, they had barely there outfits, Kelly screamed a lot, Beth beat up Kelly to end things. One interesting note from a year later: would they even be able to put together an eight Divas tag now? I’m thinking through the roster and I don’t know if I can name eight girls on the main shows right now.

We recap Ryder getting hurt at the hands of Kane. This was during the period where Ryder went from one of the hottest things in the company and US Champion to a rag doll that Kane destroyed over and over and over in the span of a few weeks until his push was completely destroyed. Eve blamed Cena for Ryder having his back broken for some reason.

Ryder is wheeled in and patronized by Johnny Ace (remember him?). Ace has a private room set up for Ryder but Eve comes up to yell at Ace first. Not much here but it’s setting up stuff later on tonight.

Kane vs. John Cena

This is when Kane had the welder’s mask look. Brawl to start with Kane beating Cena down into the corner as the fans are split on Johnny. A clothesline puts them both on the floor where Kane is sent knees first into the steps. Back in and Cena can’t hit the AA on Kane. That makes sense as after all, Kane is probably 175lbs lighter than Show who Cena throws around with near ease most of the time.

Kane kicks Cena down and gets two off an uppercut. A suplex gets the same and it’s off to a chinlock. Cena fights up and is sent into the buckle for his efforts followed by Kane’s stupid smother hold. John tries to counter into a Crossface but Kane comes out with a side slam. The idea here is that Cena can’t get anything going at all. The top rope clothesline takes Cena’s head off but Cena pops up and hits his shoulder block.

The Shuffle is countered by a grab of Cena’s throat and a big boot gets two. Cena blocks a superplex and hits the Shuffle off the top. That’s certainly a new one. The AA is countered by an elbow to the face and Kane kicks Cena out to the floor. Booker talks about how Cena is a good kid. I don’t think I ever recall Cena being called a kid since like 2004. Kane pounds on Cena in the aisle and that’s a double countout so we can do this match again next month.

Rating: D+. I know that’s a common theme tonight but it fits here again. These two didn’t work all that well together and the story was even worse. Then again, this was nothing more than giving Cena something to do for a few months until he could get ready for the biggest match of his career. This didn’t work for the most part.

The fight continues into the back where Kane finds a chair to lay to lay out Cena. To the shock of no one paying attention, Kane finds the door to Ryder’s private room and kicks the door in. Ryder is taken to the ring and tombstoned as Eve screams. Cena comes out to try to save Eve but gets chokeslammed by Kane who walks away. Ryder does a stretcher job, but somehow it would get even worse for him in the coming weeks.

BE A STAR!

Zack is wheeled out and Cena is booed for it. That’s the part of this story that never held up for me: why is this Cena’s responsibility? Ryder was the United States Champion. He should be able to defend himself.

We get a video on the Rock just like Cena got earlier. It’s shot in the back of Rock’s car and is more like a mini documentary. It focuses on how insane Rock’s life is and all of the stuff he does around the world.

Drew McIntyre vs. Brodus Clay

This is right after Brodus redebuted as the Funkasaurus so he was still a new character at this point. Brodus dances a lot, Drew punches him in the corner, Brodus headbutts him and hits the cross body (called WHAT THE FUNK) for the pin in about a minute.

Buy Slim Jims! For the troops!

We recap Punk vs. Ziggler who is challenging Punk on Ace’s behalf. This is during the “Ace is boring” phase where Punk made fun of him no matter what he did, so Ace helped Ziggler get a win over Punk to earn a title shot. Ace is also guest referee tonight just because. He’s openly admitted he’s going to screw Punk out of the title tonight, so HHH is going to evaluate his job status the next night on Raw, meaning Ace has to play nice.

Raw World Title: CM Punk vs. Dolph Ziggler

Punk is defending and Ace is referee. Johnny Ace is John Laurinitis but that’s a hard name to spell. Before the match, Ace says he’ll be the outside referee. Ok then. Wait we’re still not ready to go as Ace throws Vickie out as well. We finally get going and Ziggler tries a quick Fameasser which is countered into a failed GTS attempt. Punk tells Dolph it was that close. They feel each other out a bit longer until Ziggler starts strutting.

Punk finally gets his hands on Ziggler and puts on an abdominal stretch, complete with a wrapped toe and slicking back his hair ala Ziggler. Dolph heads to the floor and gets taken out by a suicide dive but shoves Punk off the top rope once they get back inside. Ziggler drops about eight elbows in a row and a jumping version gets two. We hit the chinlock with Ziggler cranking on the head way more than necessary.

The champ starts firing off chops and strikes before getting caught in the sleeper. That goes nowhere but neither does Punk’s Anaconda Vice attempt. Back to the sleeper but Dolph can’t get it on all the way. Instead there’s a perfect dropkick for two on Punk but the Fameasser is countered into a helicopter bomb for two. A swinging neckbreaker by the champ puts Dolph into the corner where the knee/bulldog combination actually works.

The GTS is countered into a slingshot but Punk lands on the middle rope. He comes off with a spinning cross body but Ziggler rolls through for a near fall in a cool sequence. The high kick gets two for Punk as does the Macho Elbow, drawing a Randy Savage chant. The GTS is countered again and the referee goes down as per the requirement in a world title mach. Punk hooks the Vice but Ace is checking on the down referee. Then Punk gets a rollup and there’s STILL no referee.

Ace sends the referee back in as Punk loads up the GTS, but Ziggler’s legs knock Ace to the floor. Ace sees the pin but refuses to count because he thinks Punk did it on purpose. Ziggler counters another GTS attempt into the Fameasser for two before pounding away a bit. The champ comes back with a slingshot and the GTS gets a pin from both referees to retain the title.

Rating: B+. This took awhile to get going as we were all waiting on the Ace stuff. The feud would go on for weeks until Jericho finally showed up to give Punk someone with charisma to feud with. The near falls at the end were a lot better than Ace, but it occurs to me that this was pretty much the same match he had last year. Good stuff though.

Rumble by the Numbers:

30 Superstars

1 winner

31 Hall of Famers in the Rumble

21 main events those Hall of Famers have been in at Wrestlemania

695 entrants who have been eliminated

39 entrants eliminated by Michaels, a record (Kane is second at 35)

13 consecutive Rumbles for Kane

11 eliminations for Kane in 2001

194,107lbs that have been in the Rumble, or over 97 tons, or 430 Big Show

421,883 people who have attended the Rumble

62:12 Rey Mysterio spent in the Rumble in 2006, a record

3 wins for Austin

1 second that Santino lasted in 2009

2 women who have competed in the Rumble

1, the entrant that has produced the same amount of winners as #30 at two each

27, the entrant with more winners than any other at four

55 percent of winners that have won the title at Wrestlemania

Royal Rumble

The Miz is #1 and talks about how he’s going back to the main event of Wrestlemania this year. His former apprentice Alex Riley is #2 which isn’t really surprising given how RANDOM these draws are. I always liked Riley and he always got a good reaction, which is clearly why he doesn’t get on TV more. Riley pounds away to start and runs Miz over with a forearm but walks into a big boot. Maybe it’s the old school fan in me but I don’t like a 6’0 guy using a big boot. Miz talks trash and low bridges Riley out with ease.

R-Truth, Miz’s former partner, is #3. Truth fires off some kicks and avoids the Finale before hitting a kind of powerslam. Miz gets sent to the apron for the second time but Truth turns his back to watch Cody come out at #4. A quick Disaster Kick puts Truth down (Cole says it hits Miz because those two are so hard to tell apart) and Truth gets double teamed for awhile. He manages to send Cody to the apron but gets caught in the Reality Check as the clock seems to be speeding up.

Justin Gabriel is #5 and things speed WAY up. A big spinwheel kick puts Miz down before Cody goes nuts on Gabriel in the corner. Primo is #6 to keep things low key to start. Actually he speeds things up as well and hits a sweet headscissors out of the corner to take Gabriel down. Truth hits the spinning forearm on Cody, only to be dumped out by Miz a second later. Since he’s still crazy, Truth pulls Miz to the floor and lays him out on the outside.

Mick Foley is #7 to fire up the crowd a little bit. He dumps Primo almost immediately before getting beaten on by Cody. Foley looks really old and slow here but to be fair, he is in fact old and slow. In a HILARIOUS bit, Ricardo Rodriguez is #8 but comes out in an old banged up, rusted out rental car. He’s even got the Del Rio scarf to hide some of his hideous pale body. We get a HUGE Ricardo chant as Foley and Gabriel have no idea what to do here.

Ricardo takes Cody down and pounds away before proposing an alliance with Foley of all people. They actually do team up and toss Gabriel, allowing Ricardo to do a CM Punk knee slide. We keep the comedy going with Santino at #9 and Ricardo runs from the Cobra. Santino beats on Ricardo and literally rolls him around the ring before pulling his trunks up and tossing Rodriguez.

Now we get my favorite spot of the match as Santino puts on the Cobra and Mick puts on Socko and it’s TIME FOR A DUEL!!! Before they can collide though it’s Epico at #10 but he falls to the powers of the socks and is out almost immediately. The socks COLLIDE until Miz and Cody pop back in (neither was eliminated) and dump Santino. Miz gets Socko but Cody dumps Mick. Fun comedy bit here to give us a good first act to the match.

Kofi Kingston is #11 and hits a double springboard clothesline before hitting a double Boom Drop. In at #12 is Jerry Lawler (Cole: “WHAT ARE YOU DOING???”) and he causes Miz to hit Cody by mistake. Lawler speeds things up and hits the middle rope punch with the lowered strap, only to be put out by Cody. Ezekiel Jackson is #13 and gets to do the usual power moves on each guy while the others lay around.

Jinder Mahal is #14 and the fans start chanting USA, even though the only two Americans in this match are Rhodes and Miz. Great Khali comes in at #15 and Mahal panics. Everyone gets chops and Mahal is out in just a few seconds. Jackson tries to pound away and is put out almost immediately as well. Hunico is #16 on that stupid bicycle of his and hits a spinning cross body on Miz and his Angle Slam on Cody.

Khali chops Hunico down as the ring is staying relatively empty. Booker T is #17 to surprise Cole. You would think he would have noticed that the man sitting next to him for over two hours wasn’t wearing pants but he never was considered that bright. Now we get the spot of the match as Miz shoves Kofi to the floor but Kofi holds himself up by his hands. Miz shoves Kofi into a handstand but Kingston WALKS ON HIS HANDS ACROSS THE FLOOR TO THE STEPS to get back in. FREAKING AWESOME MAN!

Dolph Ziggler is #18 as the ring is starting to get full. Hacksaw Jim Duggan makes his annual return at #19 to pop the crowd huge. He cleans house for a bit and we get a DOUBLE NOGGIN KNOCKER on Miz and Rhodes. Cody avoids a charge in the corner though and dumps Duggan in less than a minute. That’s the best idea at the end of the day. Miz and Cody team up to put out Booker and Khali at the same time.

We complete the trio with Michael Cole at #20. At the moment we’ve got Cole, Miz, Rhodes, Kingston, Hunico and Ziggler in the ring. Kharma returns at #21 in her only WWE match ever. She hits Cole so hard she knocks his headgear off so Cole eliminates himself. Well he gets to the apron where King and Booker eliminate him. Ziggler tells Kharma to get out so she DRILLS him. Kharma dumps Hunico but Ziggler sneaks up and eliminates her (Booker calls this doing the impossible. Not really Book.) to a ton of heat.

Sheamus is #22 to give us some A level star power. Well maybe B+ level. Things speed up with Sheamus destroying everyone and tossing Kofi out. There are the ten forearms in the ropes to Cody and ten to Miz as well. The Zig Zag is countered and Road Dogg is another surprise return at #23. He gets to clean house for a bit and earns a “you still got it” chant. In far less than 90 seconds, Jey Uso is #24.

Everyone pairs off until Jack Swagger is #25. After a few suplexes everything settles down into its usual brawling phase until Barrett is #26. He throws out Roadie and stomps away on a lot of people. David Otunga gets the lucky spot at #27 and poses a lot before he comes out. Not a lot happens so Orton comes in at #28 to pick things up a bit. Remember we’re in his hometown so everyone goes nuts.

Cody breaks up the RKO on Barrett so Randy hits the Elevated DDT on both Cody and Ziggler at the same time because he can. There’s an RKO to Barrett and he’s out. Chris Jericho, complete with a blackout of the arena, makes his return at #29. He’s still a face at this point and dumps Otunga to a good reaction. Big Show is #30 which was considered a letdown at the time. Dude, he was world champion a month ago. That’s hardly Darren Young coming out.

As Show comes in he pulls Swagger out from the floor, giving us a final grouping of Miz, Rhodes, Ziggler, Sheamus, Orton, Jericho and Big Show. That’s a pretty solid grouping. Show dumps Cody and Miz at the same time to get us down to five. Show tosses Ziggler as well to get us down to four. The big man cleans house but walks into an RKO, allowing Orton and Sheamus to pick him up and Randy clotheslines him out. Jericho dumps Orton immediately thereafter and we’re down to two.

The fans are entirely behind Jericho here so Sheamus runs him over a few times. Jericho’s bulldog is countered but Sheamus can’t throw him over the corner. Jericho charges into the Irish Curse but Sheamus can’t hit the High Cross. We get a great false finish with Jericho clotheslining Sheamus to the apron and then knocking him down to the point where Sheamus is hanging on by his leg. Sheamus comes back in with the slingshot shoulder but the Brogue Kick is countered into the Walls.

After the hold is broken Jericho gets knocked to the apron where he BARELY hangs on. They go to the top rope and both fall to the apron, meaning if they hit the floor they’re out. Both guys get back in and there’s the Codebreaker to Sheamus. Jericho gets Sheamus upside down but can’t get him out. A shot to the face ticks Sheamus off and he catches a Codebreaker attempt to put Jericho on the apron. The Brogue Kick sends Sheamus to Wrestlemania.

Rating: A-. This is one of those Rumbles that is great fun as you watch it live but it loses some steam on a second viewing. They spent a bit too much time on nostalgia and funny ideas here but they were still really good ideas. The ending with Sheamus and Jericho ROCKED and I have no idea why they never got to have a long PPV match. This is a really good Rumble but it never reaches that excellent level that some of them get to.

Sheamus celebrates a lot to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. The Rumble is a unique show as it has a way to save itself from a bad first half. That’s what happened here as the last two matches were certainly good enough to save it from the horrible first few matches. As usual the last two guys would both get world title shots with the winner getting the opening match instead of the real main event, but going on before Rock vs. Cena is hardly torture.

Ratings Comparison

Daniel Bryan vs. Mark Henry vs. Big Show

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Bella Twins/Divas of Doom vs. Alicia Fox/Kelly Kelly/Eve Torres/Tamina

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Kane vs. John Cena

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Brodus Clay vs. Drew McIntyre

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

CM Punk vs. Dolph Ziggler

Original: B

Redo: B+

Royal Rumble

Original: B+

Redo: A-

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: B

Just like last year, not much difference here.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2012/01/29/royal-rumble-2012/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of Wrestlemania at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0188BJRGU

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

They’re out for the year and as usual I’ll be taking a look at each one and giving my take on whether or not I think Meltzer (yes I know the fans vote on them and if you think most of them aren’t just repeating what he says, you’re missing the point) got it right. I’ll just be listing the winners and any other names in the top three that merit a vote. Also keep in mind that I don’t watch a ton of puro so my knowledge is limited. Also, this is a wrestling site, not an MMA site, even though some people seem to think they’re the same thing. There are a lot of these so I’m just going to give a quick response to each.

Wrestler of the Year – AJ Styles

Uh……yeah I can go with that I guess. I’d have taken Cena due to how great the US Open Challenge was but Styles didn’t get a bad review all year and wrestled almost EVERYWHERE.

Most Outstanding Wrestler – AJ Styles

It’s another year and again I ask: what’s the difference between this and Wrestler of the Year?

Feud of the Year – Conor McGregor vs. Jose Aldo

Well at least they’re not wasting time this year, though can you imagine a wrestling match that ended in 13 seconds being considered a great blowoff to a feud? The top wrestling feud was Bayley vs. Sasha Banks, which is either my first or second pick as well.

Tag Team of the Year – Young Bucks

Of course. Next.

Most Improved – Bayley

This isn’t the easiest year to argue against. I don’t think anyone can argue that Bayley isn’t better than she was last year as she’s now the biggest star in NXT. I can go with this one again, even though it’s not one I would have thought of.

Best on Interviews – Conor McGregor

Heyman was second and again that’s fine, though I would have given it to Owens, who came in third.

Most Charismatic – Shinsuke Nakamura

Yep. No argument on that actually. The dude is a machine.

Best Technical Wrestler – Zack Sabre Jr.

I haven’t seen him actually but I’ve heard nothing but rave reviews for him so this isn’t surprising.

Best Brawler – Tomohiro Ishii

I saw his match at Wrestle Kingdom and it really wasn’t brawling. Then again it was barely professional wrestling either so I’ll go with a headscratch here. Brawling isn’t really a thing these days in mainstream wrestling so this is a hard one to pick.

Best Flyer – Riccochet

Neville didn’t even make the top three. Seriously?

Most Overrated – Kane

Who rates Kane highly in the first place? Reigns is second. This should of course be the Young Bucks.

Most Underrated – Cesaro

For years I’ve thought underrated and overrated should be changed to under/over utilized as it always seems like what they’re going for. Cesaro is considered awesome but he’s never pushed. That’s not the same as being underrated, which would also seem to be the case with Kane being overrated.

Promotion of the Year – New Japan

If you didn’t see this coming, you haven’t been paying close enough attention. NXT isn’t in the top three, though that could be considered part of WWE (also not in the top three).

Best Weekly TV Show – NXT

Yep, with Lucha Underground second. Dang it Meltzer give me something to get mad at you over!

Match of the Year – Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Kota Ibushi

You knew it would be something from New Japan, though to be fair I gave this an A. Bayley vs. Sasha from Brooklyn was third.

Rookie of the Year – Chad Gable

That’s fine.

Best Non-Wrestler – Dario Cueto

Second is Paul Heyman and third is Xavier Woods. As in the guy that has already wrestled multiple times this year alone and is a Tag Team Champion. I get what they’re going for here though.

Best Announcer – Mauro Ranallo

Again, no surprise here.

Worst Announcer – John Layfield

Second is Cole and third is Lawler. I’m fine with this…..again.

Best Major Wrestling Show – Wrestle Kingdom IX

I didn’t even have to look at the results. Wrestlemania was third, after UFC 189.

Worst Major Wrestling Show – TripleMania XXIII

This has been the running answer all year and I’m not surprised. Third though was TLC, which really took me by surprise. If nothing else the three way ladder match alone would have carried it higher than third worst of the year.

Best Wrestling Maneuver – Styles Clash

Second was the Rainmaker (IT’S A FREAKING CLOTHESLINE!) and third is the Meltzer Driver, which has to be a joke instead of a real pick. The Clash is good but move of the year? As in the move that broke Yoshi Tatsu’s neck? That’s the best there is? Really?

Most Disgusting Promotional Tactic – WWE Using Reid Flair’s Death in An Angle

Yeah this isn’t surprising again. What is surprising is the Divas Revolution in second. Yeah it was stupid but disgusting?

Worst Match of the Year – Psycho Clowns vs. Villanos

Yep. Second is the Royal Rumble (which I rewatched a few days ago and yep) but third is Erick Rowan vs. Big Show in a stairs match…..from 2014. Come on now man that’s my thing.

Worst Feud of the Year – Team PCB vs. Team Bella vs. Team BAD

Yeah I think I can go with this. It’s not so much that it was bad but more that it kept going for months and never went anywhere.

Worst Promotion of the Year – TNA

Can we just rename this the TNA Award? You would think after a nine year run it might be time.

Best Booker – Paul Levesque/Ryan Ward

As in the NXT bookers. I’m so glad that that promotion is getting the credit it deserves this year.

Promoter of the Year – Dana White

The first wrestling promoter is Takaaki Kidani of New Japan.

Worst Gimmick – Stardust

Well yeah, though I’m not sure how to define his gimmick. I’d have gone with Mex-America, which came in second.

This is more proof that this is a really weak year for awards. Everything has been pretty easy and there really isn’t a lot that jumps off the page at me. It’s really just been one predictable category after another and that can make for a lame awards season. At least NXT got the respect it deserves here which had me a bit worried coming in.

Again, this one could depend on your definition of “news”.

We’ll get the two annual ones that still seem to surprise people out of the way first.

First of all, the Raw ratings bombed in the fall. I know they always do and yeah they were even worse this year, but then football season ended and the company started trying again, meaning the ratings went back up. This happens every year and I’m right there with you by saying it was never this bad, but this really does happen every year.

Second, TNA got thrown off another network and the audience continues to be dismal. This is what TNA is these days and until something major changes, it’s not going to get any better no matter what happens.

Next up we have an actual surprise as Seth Rollins shredded every single piece of his knee and had to vacate the WWE World Title. This changed quite a few things depending on whose original plans you believe. Either way, Rollins being out changed quite a few things and potentially fast tracked Reigns toward the title. It was certainly shocking and changed a lot and that’s how news works in wrestling.

Now we get to the big theme of the year: it’s a bad time for 80s legends.

We’ll start with the surprise deaths of both Dusty Rhodes and Roddy Piper. These two were giants of wrestling and passed away less than two months apart. On their own these two are much more sad than anything else but back to back like that was quite the big hit.

We also have Jimmy Snuka’s potential murder trial, but given that Snuka is 72 years old and potentially mentally unfit to stand trial, this might not lead anywhere. Still though, it’s quite the surprise to actually see this story come up again after all these years.

Finally in this group, we have Hulk Hogan’s racist rant. Now here’s the thing: it was several years ago and came at one of the lowest points of Hogan’s life. Most people, including myself, thinks this comes off like Hogan venting off a lot of steam rather than the way he actually thinks. That seems to be the general consensus from his co-workers over the years so it’s something I can believe.

The thing to remember with Hogan though is he said something. He didn’t break a law, he didn’t hurt anyone physically and he didn’t do anything other than sound stupid. People say this kind of nonsense every day and Hogan happens to be a celebrity who got caught on camera. It’s stupid for sure, but not the worst thing in the world.

Overall though, there’s something else that comes off as a major news story to me, which shouldn’t surprise a lot of you: the continued expansion of NXT. Between the wild extension of the house shows, breaking boundaries with Bayley and Sasha Banks main eventing a Network special, bringing in a bunch of new talent and the sellouts almost everywhere they go, NXT has turned into something special that we haven’t seen before. It’s ROH all stars under the WWE banner and this looks like the future. If so, we’re in for a very good time in the coming years.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of Wrestlemania at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0188BJRGU

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

A few ways to make a Royal Rumble better.

It’s Time To Rumble

It’s a Lucha Underground review/preview for the season two premiere in a week.  NorCal is joined by longtime guest Ty Burna and lucha correspondent Killjoy (http://impactoestelar.com/)

http://mightynorcal.podbean.com/e/wwp-37-lu-cha-lu-cha-watch-lucha-underground-want-to-start-ty-burna-and-special-guest-killjoy-get-you-all-set-on-lu-season-1-and-preview-season-2/

NXT
Date: January 20, 2016
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Corey Graves

We’re in a bit of a weird point in NXT as it’s still a few months before the next announced Takeover and we’re just starting to set up the big feuds before we get to the really big feuds. Next week it’s Baron Corbin vs. Samoa Joe vs. Sami Zayn for the #1 contendership so odds are they’ll get some focus tonight. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Sami Zayn vs. Adam Rose

Sami works on a wristlock to start and spins around into an armbar. We’re already well into the OLE chants but Rose cuts them off with a kick to the head. Some elbow drops set up a chinlock on Sami but he’s quickly on his feet. Rose chops him right back down though and drops a top rope headbutt for two before choking on the ropes. Sami shrugs those off as well though and grabs a Koji Clutch out of nowhere for the submission at 5:27.

Rating: D+. If there’s one thing Sami Zayn does better than almost anyone, it’s taking a beating and making a quick comeback to win while keeping it realistic. Bringing Rose back for a loss like this is the right way to use veterans here because having the big stars come down and treating them like a bigger deal than the NXT roster isn’t going to be accepted. That and Sami is a bigger deal than Rose anyway.

Johnny Gargano says he isn’t intimidated by a bully like Samoa Joe. His solution: punch Joe in the mouth. As long as his heart is beating, Johnny Wrestling will not back down.

Chad Gable and Jason Jordan talk about not being nominated for Tag Team of the Year while Blake and Murphy were on the list. They know they’re getting better and they’re going to the top. Another word for top is alpha and they’re both Americans, so they might as well be called American Alpha.

Tye Dillinger vs. Apollo Crews

Dillinger’s entrance is even more energetic than usual here. They circle each other a bit to start until Dillinger takes him down with a wristlock. A headlock puts Crews on the mat and it’s time for a quick victory lap with Tye giving himself a ten. That earns him a delayed vertical suplex with Crews only slipping a bit as Dillinger knees him in the head. It’s a bit more impressive than when Lashley does it. Dillinger rolls outside but slide back in to hit a dive on Crews. Something like a Codebreaker gets two on Apollo but he pops back up and hits his lifting sitout powerbomb for the pin at 4:35.

Rating: C+. Better match than I was expecting here with Dillinger putting in more effort than I’ve seen from him in a long time. Crews continues to be an amazing athlete but I still haven’t found a reason to connect with him yet. He’s just a guy out there doing a bunch of cool looking stuff with nothing more to him. Talented for sure, but he needs some fine tuning.

Post match Crews says he’s had something on his mind for a few weeks now. He isn’t one to have a match end in a disqualification. Now he knows he hasn’t earned a title shot, but he’d love to face Finn Balor one more time, even in a non-title match.

Alexa Bliss isn’t happy with Blake and Murphy losing in London but she’s going to lead by example tonight when she teams with Emma and beats up Bayley and Carmella.

We get a Vaudevillains vignette with the two of them looking very angry.

Stills of Kevin Owens appearing at the NXT Milwaukee house show.

Baron Corbin vs. Rich Swann

Swann is a longtime indy talent who recently signed with NXT. Corbin throws him into the corner to start and backdrops him into a 450. Off to something like a Tazmission from Corbin before Rich starts using some speed to avoids a few charges. A spinning kick to the face gets two on Corbin but Rich misses something off the top and charges into a big swinging Rock Bottom (called Deep Six) for the pin at 3:14.

Rating: C. Again a better match than I was expecting here with Swann looking solid in his debut. This isn’t a match to judge him off though as he didn’t have a character or anything like that. Then again that’s how a lot of people have started down in NXT and turned out just fine so I wouldn’t be worried. Corbin having a secondary finisher is a good idea as End of Days only works so well.

Bayley and Carmella are ready for their tag match tonight when Dawson and Wilder come in to say Carmella is a loser just like Enzo and Cass. Carmella is so upset that she’s being driven bananas (her words) but Bayley says save it for the match.

Carmella/Bayley vs. Emma/Alexa Bliss

Dana is here with Emma/Bliss. Emma gets in a cheap shot on Bayley and the champ’s ribs are damaged before the opening bell. Bayley starts anyway but is quickly dragged into the corner and stomped in the corner with the villains staying on the bad ribs. We take an early break and come back with Bliss holding Bayley in an armbar. Bayley gets up and hits a quick middle rope dropkick which only hurts her ribs even more. Emma breaks up the hot tag attempt and gets suplexed as a result, only to have Dana offer a distraction to prevent another tag attempt.

The Emma Sandwich (called a cross body in the corner) stays on the ribs and it’s back to Bliss for another armbar, even though Bayley’s hand is grabbing the ropes. Bliss drags her away and that’s good enough for the referee for some reason. Bayley fights out of the corner though and tags in Carmella to take over on Bliss as things speed up. Carmella’s little dance sets up a Bronco Buster and the leg crossface makes Bliss tap at 9:26.

Rating: C+. Standard formula tag match here with Bayley playing the perfect face in peril until Carmella gets to make the comeback for the win. It makes a lot more sense to have Carmella get the win here as she needs to be built up before the title match and what better way to do that than by beating one of the many midcard heels?

Balor agrees to give Crews a non-title match.

Johnny Gargano vs. Samoa Joe

The fans start a JOHNNY WRESTLING chant which is such an awesome name. Joe drives him into the corner to start and grinds his forearm over Johnny’s face before elbowing him in the jaw. Gargano snaps off a quick enziguri to put Joe on the floor, only to have him kick Johnny’s leg out to take over again. The snap jabs have Gargano in trouble again and Joe kicks the leg out one more time, sending Gargano into a near 360.

Another kick puts Gargano on the floor but he dives in at nine with Graves ripping on him for going back to the beating. Back in and a quick enziguri and DDT stagger Joe but he kicks Gargano out of the air on a slingshot attempt. Gargano is already knocked silly so the Koquina Clutch puts him out of his misery at 4:30.

Rating: C+. Joe is the kind of guy who can work this physical ROH style and make it look good in short bursts. The Ciampa match was better but this was another hard hitting match where both guys came out looking good, even though this was pretty one sided for the most part. Gargano is another name that should be fine.

Overall Rating: B. This is where NXT continues to amaze me. They can have a week of nothing but storytelling and then the next week they do almost nothing but solid wrestling. The triple threat is looking better and you have another big match to build towards with Crews vs. Balor, even though it’s non-title. As usual, they set up a goal and then they accomplish it, usually in the span of just a week. That’s unheard of in today’s wrestling and NXT does it nearly every single time. Well done, as usual.

Results

Sami Zayn b. Adam Rose – Koji Clutch

Apollo Crews b. Tye Dillinger – Lifting sitout powerbomb

Baron Corbin b. Rich Swann – Deep Six

Carmella/Bayley b. Emma/Alexa Bliss – Leg crossface to Bliss

Samoa Joe b. Johnny Gargano – Koquina Clutch

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of Wrestlemania at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0188BJRGU

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Nitro #255
Date: August 28, 2016
Location: Pan American Center, Las Cruces, New Mexico
Attendance: 4,588
Commentators: Mark Madden, Tony Schiavone

I’m sitting here trying to write an introduction for this show and I honestly can’t remember anything from the last two shows. I watched Nitro a week ago and Thunder three days ago and I have no idea what happened. The big matches are Booker T. vs. Kevin Nash and Scott Steiner vs. Goldberg, but none of the details or any of the other details are coming to me. So little of this has any staying power whatsoever and feels like they’re flying from story to story with nothing in between. Let’s get to it.

We actually open with an NWO video. As in the Outsiders/Jarrett/Hart. Why in the world is this airing and why do I have a chill running up my spine at the possibilities?

Scott Steiner, Kevin Nash, Jeff Jarrett and Vince Russo get out of a limo.

Dark Carnival vs. 3 Count

It’s Vampiro and the Clowns here, leaving Muta of all people to do commentary. This goes as well as you would expect it to as Madden “translates”. The band dives onto the Carnival a few times to take over I’m pretty sure Muta’s voice is overdubbed here and you can almost feel the racial overtones from here. The Clowns are knocked to the floor and a double suplex drops Vampiro. Muta screams for some reason and Tony asks Mark what he said. Madden: “He said AAAHHHHHH!!!!” Back in and Vampiro hits a Nail in the Coffin to Moore, setting up a guillotine foot drop from Shaggy for the pin.

Post match Tank Abbott comes out to destroy 3 Count. The Carnival and 3 Count beat Tank down until Demon makes the save. Muta gets in with the mist to Demon, only to have Sting come out for the real save. That would be three people running in, mist and a ball bat as fallout from a 2:40 match. Sting, Tank and Demon pose in a very odd visual.

Here are Russo, Nash, Jarrett, Steiner and the Natural Born Thrillers with something to say, though I have a feeling Nash and Russo will do most of the talking. Russo tells us to cheer him because this is the elite group of WCW. Wasn’t this the same group that wanted to kill each other at New Blood Rising? Now the Band is back together and Goldberg is in trouble. All Goldberg had to do was sign his release but now it’s going to become New York ugly.

Jarrett says he has all the stroke around here no one can touch them. Some of the people here might find it odd that Nash is back on the team. However, Jarrett wants to talk about something personal, like Mike Awesome. Mike cost him the US Title last week so Jarrett wants him in a Bunkhouse Brawl at Fall Brawl. Steiner got his revenge last week and Goldberg found out what payback was. He could walk backwards and look better than Goldberg’s girlfriend and that’s about it.

Nash says he should have called himself the Puppet Master instead of Big Sexy. Every few months he suckers people in so they’ll buy his merchandise but now that it’s all sold out, you get the real him. He doesn’t care about any of the fans and he never will. The people can’t get him title shots or watch his back but the people in this ring certainly can. The fans start chanting for Booker but Nash promises to take the title in Buffalo at Fall Brawl. Russo says not so fast though because Nash isn’t getting the title shot at the pay per view. Instead, he’s getting the shot tonight with Jarrett as referee and Steiner as outside enforcer.

Cue Booker to tell Nash to shut up and to tell Russo to pick a buddy to get beaten up. This brings out the Cat and Ms. Jones with the former wanting his karate gi to give someone else a beating. The Thrillers let the two of them walk by and Cat gets in the ring to tell Russo to get out of town because he’s not the boss. Nash and company beat Cat and Booker down so here are the Filthy Animals to go after the Thrillers.

They get through the line and are destroyed by the big names as well before Russo and company go up the ramp. Goldberg appears on screen in the desert, digging a hole. He promises to come back tonight and take care of all the goons though before bringing Russo to the desert and burying him in the sand. In other words, Russo is next.

Let’s pause here for a second and recap. Here’s a list of people involved in the first segment:

3 Count (Karagias, Moore, Helms)

Dark Carnival (Vampiro, Muta, Insane Clown Posse)

Tank Abbott

Sting

Demon

Here’s a list of people involved in the second segment:

Vince Russo

Kevin Nash

Jeff Jarrett

Scott Steiner

Natural Born Thrillers (Reno, Sanders, Jindrak, Stasiak, O’Haire, Palumbo)

Booker T.

Ms. Jones

The Cat

Filthy Animals (Konnan, Juvy, Mysterio, Disqo)

Goldberg

To recap, TWENTY EIGHT PEOPLE were involved in the first two segments. We’re not even a fourth of the way into this show and we’ve nearly had enough people to run a Royal Rumble. You think they might be overdoing it a little bit???

Cat is taken away in an ambulance.

Russo tells his buddies to keep an eye on him because Goldberg might bury him alive. Jarrett has someone coming in to deal with Goldberg while they get ready for later. So in other words, Russo and Goldberg is the big story instead of the World Title. Raise your hand if you’re surprised. Goldberg calls Russo (thank goodness he knew his number and could get to a phone in the desert) and says he’s on his way.

Tygress vs. Major Gunns vs. Paisley

Paisley kicks Gunns in the back and leaves as Tygress rolls her up for the pin in 20 seconds. The referee says it was only a two so Paisley and Tygress beat Gunns up even more before leaving with no cover. I don’t even know how to call this stupid.

The Animals beat up the Thrillers and Konnan makes fun of Russo. So yeah, again it’s all about Russo.

Jarrett has a truck full of guitars. Ok that’s actually funny.

Mike Awesome is now a fan of the 1970s. I knew this was coming and it really doesn’t help. He just came in for an interview and is wearing a blue leisure suit with disco playing in the background. Awesome wants Rick Steiner in a Bunkhouse Brawl as a warmup later tonight.

Kronik vs. Harris Twins

This is a House of Pain match, meaning a cage where you have to handcuff your opponents to the cage wall, because that makes sense. It’s a slugout to start with the camera jumping around way too often. Clark suplexes Ron and drops a middle rope elbow and Adams plants Ron with a full nelson slam. With enough wrestling having been done so far, Adams throws Ron through the cage wall and they brawl on the floor with Don beating up a fan for no apparent reason. The match, a cage match, is thrown out in less than two and a half minutes.

Preview of The Way of the Gun, an upcoming movie.

Here’s Team Canada to issue a challenge to MIA for a Prisoner of War match. In other words, the winner gets to kidnap a member of the other team and keep them for an undisclosed period of time. Cue the MIA, with Rection saying their name now stands for Made in America. The match is on, as long as it can be a tables match.

Lance Storm vs. Sgt. AWOL

Non-title. AWOL takes him down to start and they’re quickly on the floor with Storm getting kicked in the face. Storm gets back in and Skipper hits AWOL with the flag, allowing Storm to dropkick AWOL off the apron and through the table.

Storm grabs Gunns and bails.

Sting (with the announcers being heard off camera) accepts Muta’s challenge. When did he make that challenge?

Mike Awesome vs. Rick Steiner

Bunkhouse Brawl, meaning no holds barred. Thankfully Awesome is in his regular gear here. Steiner jumps him to start but Mike clotheslines him to the floor and hits a big old dive over the top. Awesome throws in a table but Jeff Jarrett runs in with a pipe, allowing Steiner to German suplex Awesome through the table for the pin.

Ok, stop for a second. To recap, we’ve just finished our fifth match, which has consisted of a six man tag, a triple threat, a gimmick cage match, a tables match and a hardcore match. Total match time: 8:23. That should be the first hour and a half of a pay per view and we haven’t even had nine minutes of action. How in the world did we get here?

WCW World Title: Booker T. vs. Kevin Nash

Booker is defending, Russo is on commentary, Jarrett is inside referee and Steiner is outside referee. This is your first half main event, meaning that indeed, this show is more about Goldberg and Russo. Nash kicks him in the face to start and they head to the floor with Jarrett actually counting them both out.

Russo is off commentary to yell at Jarrett for throwing Booker back inside, only to have Jeff shove him back to the booth. Back in and Booker hammers away in the corner as Jeff seems to be calling it down the middle. I’m sure that’s going to last until the end of the match too. Nash drops the champ with a clothesline for two. Russo freaks out as Steiner hits Booker in the back, sending Jarrett outside while Nash covers Booker. Jeff shoves Russo as Nash slowly beats on Booker with Russo threatening to fire the referee.

There’s a superkick to Nash, followed by the side kick for no cover. The ax kick sets up the Spinarooni and the missile dropkick. Steiner comes back and we hear the production team doing an audio test. Of course we do. Booker drops Steiner but Jeff hits the champ with a guitar because we needed a swerve of a group set up twenty minutes ago in a seven and a half minute match. Nash gets up and Jackknifes Booker for the pin and his fifth title.

Rating: D-. This is a classic case of WHAT WAS THE POINT. Like I said, the group was announced maybe half an hour ago at most but we had a swerve, teasing issues between them. Then they get to say it’s all a swerve and laugh after Russo acted all freaked out for about three minutes. Again I ask: what was the point? I’m sure it’s more of Russo’s brilliant writing that went over my head, which happens way too often on these shows. Just let the fix be in from the start next time and stop making things complicated.

Tony: “This is the worst thing to ever happen to the WCW World Title. And we’ve seen a lot of bad things happen to it.”

Russo and company celebrate but they still need to worry about Goldberg.

Booker leaves as Goldberg arrives, which gets him to stick around.

Shane Douglas and Torrie Wilson are in the crowd with Shane saying he left Kidman alive at New Blood Rising. That’s not a mistake he’ll make again because he wants a scaffold match at Fall Brawl. Of course he does. Cue Crowbar to go after Shane for whatever reason but Daffney is down under the balcony for an unintentional distraction, allowing Shane to throw Crowbar off the balcony and through a well placed table.

Shane goes down after him and shoves Daffney (there’s your required violence against a woman) before heading to the ring with Torrie. That was just a warmup so if there’s a man who wants to give him a real test, come out here now. Cue Goldberg to dispatch Shane with the usual. So we have a match set up, a random Crowbar appearance, a big bump to likely write Crowbar off TV, a woman being shoved, and Goldberg destroying Shane so no one remembers what Shane did. This show makes me need oxygen.

Nash goes into the shower (complete with the censored stuff) but Booker jumps him from behind.

Russo panics so Steiner goes to deal with Goldberg. Why doesn’t Russo go with him?

We get a wedding invitation from David Flair and Miss Hancock (in Charlotte) for two weeks from tonight.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Big Vito

Madden makes Italian jokes and Tony talks about Russo as Vito powerslams Jeff for two. A loud right hand drops Jeff again but Jarrett comes back with some right hands of his own. There’s the Mafia Kick and a legdrop for two on Jarrett as Vito continues to be far more adequate in the ring than you would expect him to be. A top rope elbow gets two more on Jarrett as Madden is freaking out. Jeff’s enziguri looks to set up the Stroke but Vito counters with a good looking belly to back. Vito drops a top rope headbutt for two more but the Big Vito Special (Impaler) is countered into the Stroke for the clean pin.

Rating: C. Write this down because I don’t think there’s going to be another clean finish in this company for probably weeks. This worked far better than it had any right to be with Vito more than hanging in there against the more talented Jarrett. Like so many people on the roster though, Vito can do as much as he wants but with this basic of a gimmick, the glass ceiling is going to leave one heck of a bump on the back of his head.

Jarrett goes outside to get more guitars but Mike Awesome is waiting under the pile and takes Jeff out. Again, that was clever.

Natural Born Thrillers vs. Filthy Animals

This is a ten person elimination tag with Stasiak as the odd man out and Tygress in the ring for the Animals. Palumbo and Guerrera get things going with Juvy kicking at the legs and taking him over with a nice suplex. Juvy tries to go up but gets caught in midair for a fall away slam. Stasiak brings up Paul Orndorff as their trainer but doesn’t seem to think too much of him. Reno comes in to pound on Mysterio but it’s quickly back to Juvy to counter a powerbomb, allowing Rey to drop a springboard legdrop. A suplex puts Rey down and Jindrak comes in for a no hands Lionsault.

Kidman comes in but eats a tilt-a-whirl slam….which he doesn’t quite sell as he pops up with a Chartbuster. The hot tag brings in Konnan to clean house as everything breaks down with a bunch of people fighting to the floor for an eight man countout. We’re down to Sanders vs. Tygress with the latter knocking Mike into the corner for a Bronco Buster. That goes nowhere and the 3.0 gives Mike the easy pin.

Rating: D. Well it was fun while it lasted, or at least the first three minutes or so before we had to get to the trick to get out of having a match go on forever. On top of that, we had another woman getting beaten up by a man so everyone wins. This was another good idea that had to be rushed through because Russo is a nitwit.

Goldberg lays out Scott Steiner.

Russo is looking for any protection he can find (because just LEAVING is out of the question) and runs into Vito. After a quick apology from Russo, Vito gives him the kiss of death.

Here’s Russo in the arena because that’s the best place he could hide. Vito actually comes out with him and you can see the swerve coming from here. What swerve? No idea but you know one is coming. Russo is all MANLY again and calls out Goldberg because this is Russo’s house and these are Russo’s people.

Cue Goldberg as Russo KEEPS TALKING, saying that Goldberg can’t touch him. Wait….he’s been running scared all night and NOW he remembers that??? Tony: “This is real life fans.” Vito blasts Russo with the stick ball bat and stomps away. Goldberg throws Vito something (keys maybe) and tells Vito to take out the garbage. Vito carries Russo off, presumably out to the grave in the desert. I’m sure Goldberg and Vito, great pals of course, talked about where it was and that Vito has a good knowledge of the New Mexico desert’s geography.

Sting vs. Great Muta

They start fighting in the aisle before the bell and we’re not going to have a match are we? Sting takes over and hits Muta with a chair, only to get kicked back. Since this hasn’t gone on long enough, Vampiro and the Clowns cut through the video screen so Vampiro can dive off and hit Sting with a kendo stick. I guess walking out was too passe. Sting fights back and they climb onto the screen. The Clowns pull him through the hole in the screen and pound him down for way longer than this needed to go.

We cut to the desert with Bret Hart of all people getting out of a car to say he hates Russo more than anyone. Bret says he’s never forgotten Montreal and he wants to help bury Russo. Goldberg, like an idiot, agrees, and hands Bret a shovel. Bret blasts Goldberg in the back with said shovel and yells about Goldberg ending his career to end the show.

Overall Rating: F. Vince Russo has lost his mind. Like, moreso than usual. This was one of those rare episodes where you sit in awe watching, not sure how to react to anything. I’m sitting here trying to come up with something to say about this show but between all those gimmick matches rolled up into one show and Russo playing the high school scream queen running away from Goldberg the slasher to THE ASSAULT IN THE DESERT (how did Hart know they were there?), I really have no idea how to talk about this.

The worst part though: this show ran unopposed. The night before, the WWF had Summerslam 2000 (Rock vs. HHH vs. Angle, Benoit vs. Jericho in a 2/3 falls match and the first ever TLC) but Raw was preempted by a dog show. Therefore, you had a hot wrestling audience with zero competition (Monday Night Football started in a week) and this is what WCW gave them.

Earlier tonight, I watched JBL interview the Road Dogg on the WWE Network. Russo was brought up with JBL mentioning the theory that Russo was sent to WCW to ruin the company. I’ve never bought that theory but if you watch a show like this, it’s really hard to believe that McMahon fought very hard to keep Russo. He had to know that Russo was insane and wanted to do stuff like this, but my goodness there was no way anyone knew it could be this bad. This is one of those shows you need to see for yourselves as it’s one of the biggest head trips that I’ve ever seen.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the History of Wrestlemania at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0188BJRGU

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Impact Wrestling
Date: January 19, 2016
Location: Sands Bethlehem Events Center, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero

It’s another big night as we have the final showdown between Ethan Carter III and Matt Hardy for the TNA World Title. This time it’s a last man standing match with Carter defending his title and Hardy putting his TNA career on the line. Other than that we might find out the latest name on Kurt Angle’s farewell tour as he approaches his final match at the end of the month. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Matt Hardy’s rise through the World Title Series, only to slip up in the finals against Carter. This set up their latest match for the title with Hardy offering to put his career on the line.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Jeff Hardy (of course) to call out his brother (of course) for a chat. Jeff talks about how they became famous by being risk takers and diving off ladders. He may be the artist in the family but he would never be where he was without Matt. Tonight feels off though and Matt thinks it’s because his career is on the line. Matt talks about how he’s let everyone down but tonight is the night to gamble. Wrestling is like a game of chess and tonight Matt knows he can checkmate Carter.

Tonight the dream comes true but here’s Tyrus to interrupt. A dream can turn into a nightmare with a single change. Matt will be taken out by Carter tonight but no one has dealt with Jeff yet. Tyrus has done everything in this company for business, but tonight he wants to settle a personal issue with Jeff. Let’s do it right now.

Jeff Hardy vs. Tyrus

Tyrus throws him into the corner to start but Jeff botches something off the top, sending him down and tweaking his knee. The big guy slowly starts working on the knee by wrapping it around the ropes and post. The referee tries to make the save but gets shoved down to DQ Tyrus at 2:58.

Jeff gives Tyrus a Twisting Stunner post match.

Feast or Fired video as this year’s edition is next week. This year the X-Division Title seems to have been replaced by the King of the Mountain Title.

The Wolves have beaten everyone but now they want Beer Money. Crazzy Steve comes in and grabs Davey’s belt but Abyss jumps the Wolves from behind. So now it’s Steve/Abyss as a team? Uh, sure why not.

Knockouts Title: Awesome Kong vs. Gail Kim

Kim is defending as we’re flashing back to Bound For Glory. Oh wait it’s ok because Kong has backup now. Kong runs her over to start and grabs a sleeper for a spinning throw. That’s a new one. We hit the neck crank (that’s not a new one) for a bit before Kong headbutts her into the corner. A running splash misses though and Kim puts on something like a Black Widow on the mat, followed by a rollup for two.

Kim drops the giant with a tornado DDT but Jade pulls her out to the floor. Gail gets back in but dives onto the Dollhouse instead of going after Kong but a neckbreaker gets two. Jade breaks it up with a distraction though, which draws out the Beautiful People to go after the Dollhouse. Kong almost hits Jade by mistake and it’s Eat Defeat, followed by launching Jade onto Kong, to retain Gail’s title at 5:45.

Rating: D. So we have Gail Kim, the Wolves, Carter and the Hardys on top. As usual, it feels like these people have been the champions or near the top of the card for the better part of ever. Kim is still entertaining in the ring and as polished as any performer in the history of the division but there’s nothing left for her to do. Nothing. We’ve covered all of this and I really have no interest in seeing Kim vs. Kong all over again, no matter how awesome it was eight and half years ago.

We look back at Jeff getting injured earlier in case you have a really short attention span.

Here’s Beer Money to call out Bram/Eric Young for a fight. Instead they get Eli Drake/Jesse Godderz who say it’s not 2006 and Beer Money’s time is done. Storm semi-quotes Roddy Piper (“I’m all out of beer.”) and the brawl is on.

Beer Money vs. Eli Drake/Jesse Godderz

They slug it out on the floor to start until it’s Drake beating on James in the ring. That goes nowhere as the hot tag brings in Roode to clean house, including a Hart Attack on Drake and a catapult into a DDT on Godderz. The double suplex on Drake sets up the name shouting, followed by DWI to put Godderz away at 4:00.

Rating: C-. Yeah fine. This whole thing is about setting up Beer Money vs. the Wolves and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s going to be a big match and probably really good once it happens but the winners (likely the Wolves) are going to need a fresh set of challengers. If the best they’ve got is Abyss/Crazzy Steve, they’re in big trouble.

We look at Jeff injuring his knee for the third time in forty minutes.

Matt tells Jeff to go to the hospital so the knee doesn’t get hurt even worse.

Here’s Kurt Angle to address his farewell tour. Last week he had a five star match with Drew Galloway (not really but it was good). Now he’s not sure who to face next because there’s a lot of great talent in the back. This brings out Lashley, who talks about Kurt getting him into professional wrestling because he saw something special in Lashley.

They finally had their big showdown last year and it was a great match. It was the best of times and it was the worst of times for Lashley because he was in the ring with Kurt Angle but he lost. Now Lashley needs one more match to get this out of his system. That’s fine with Angle, who says it’s going to be real. This was fine.

Post break a woman comes up to Lashley and whispers that his pain is her pleasure.

Mike Bennett vs. Pepper Parks

This is Bennett’s debut on Impact and Parks gets a jobber entrance. They slowly walk around a bit until Parks shoves him into the corner. Bennett superkicks him down and hammers away as Maria seems to approve. A pair of suplexes puts Parks down again and Divine Intervention (Samoan Driver) gives Mike the pin at 2:59.

Post match Bennett talks about building a kingdom of miracles where everyone says “yes we do.”

Ethan says this ends tonight. Matt has his wife and son but Ethan has his family in Tyrus. This week, Matt Hardy goes home in this, and the camera zooms out to show that they’re sitting in an ambulance.

TNA World Title: Matt Hardy vs. Ethan Carter III

Carter is defending and this is last man standing. Matt jumps him during the big match intros but Carter spears him right back and hammers away. Hardy is quickly on the floor (some hero) and Ethan drives him into various objects for an early four. A suplex onto the ramp allows Ethan to set up a pair of tables. Matt puts Ethan on both of them but gets caught on the top with a right hand. Instead Matt suplexes him back inside and we take a break.

Back with a ladder in the ring and Matt scoring with the Side Effect. Matt gets another table but takes way too long setting up the ladder, allowing Carter to grab a Russian legsweep. The fans are split on who to cheer for her as Ethan goes up and splashes Matt through the table. Matt gets up and hits a quick Twist of Fate for about seven, followed by a low blow. Now the fans are booing Hardy and Matt isn’t pleased.

Ethan is up at seven so Matt gives him another Twist of Fate through one of the tables at ringside. That’s only good for a nine though so Matt puts a chair around Ethan’s neck for another Twist of Fate. Carter is bleeding from the mouth but gets up at nine again, only to fall at ten.

With nothing else working, Matt goes to his wife and gets a hammer out of her bag. Ethan ducks the death shot and hits Matt low, setting up a 1%er. Cue Tyrus to turn on Carter with a Big Ending, which gives Matt another nine count. Ok you’ve done the big heel spot and you did the turn. Just change the stupid title already. Ethan goes after Tyrus but Matt blasts him with the belt, finally giving him the win at 19:45.

Rating: C+. It’s a good brawl but yeah, you’re supposed to get hyped about a power alliance between a heel nostalgia act and the former Brodus Clay. I have no idea who they think this is supposed to appeal to but at the end of the day, this is their big idea to get people to watch. Is it any wonder why their audience has shrunk so much?

Post break, Matt says he beat the unbeatable for himself. He came back here to help but he’s done listening to all these people because none of them matter. All that matters is the title and his wife because this is the era of Big Money Matt. With Carter still down (that was one heck of a belt shot), Matt gives him a Conchairto to close the show.

Overall Rating: D+. The future of this company looks less and less interesting every week. So now I have to watch the usual suspects go after Matt Hardy before we get the HUGE, yes HUGE I SAY, showdown between Matt and Jeff, likely all the way at Bound For Glory? The rest of the show was good enough but they’re running through a lot of material in a really short amount of time again and that’s often a problem in wrestling promotions. Decent show, but good night their future looks like a mess.

Results

Jeff Hardy b. Tyrus via DQ when Tyrus shoved the referee

Gail Kim b. Awesome – Pin after throwing Jade onto Kongo

Beer Money b. Eli Drake/Jesse Godderz – DWI to Godderz

Mike Bennett b. Pepper Parks – Divine Intervention

Matt Hardy b. Ethan Carter III – Carter couldn’t answer the ten count

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