Best of the WWF Volume 9
Hosts: Johnny Valiant, Gorilla Monsoon
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan, Alfred Hayes, Billy Red Lyons

We have two to go in this series and I have some time to kill today so this ends now. This one is from late 86 so it’s hard to say what to expect on here. There seems to be fewer match on this tape though so maybe they’ll be longer? It’s hard to tell on these as they’re such a mixed bag. Let’s get to it.

Coliseum Video intro gets my toes tapping.

The hosts run down the card and Valiant kind of goes insane about the boot camp match.

Intercontinental Title: Ricky Steamboat vs. Randy Savage

From Toronto and I’d bet this is the best match on the tape. I think we’re joined very early in this with Steamboat working on the arm. Savage is defending of course. Steamboat cranks on the arm and speeds things up to confuse Savage. Gorilla and Heenan get in an argument over Heenan not being able to talk. Gorilla: “Go ahead, the floor is your’s.” Heenan: “I don’t want the floor, I want the microphone.” Gorilla: “Go ahead.” Heenan: “I don’t care to say anything right now.” I love these two.

Steamboat stays on the arm as is his custom. Savage gets the rope but the referee kicks his arm off like he’s cheating. What a jerk! More arm work by Steamboat so Savage takes him to the ropes for the break. It works because Steamboat is in there and the referee yells at Savage. What’s up with this guy? Heenan recommends choking Streamboat because he’s just a mean guy.

Savage manages to send him into the corner and Steamboat falls to the floor. Back in and an elbow puts Ricky down and the top rope ax handle gets two. He tries another but Steamboat gets in a punch to the ribs. They head to the floor for a brief slugout where Ricky takes over. Back inside Steamboat hits a top rope chop for two and a double chop puts Randy down for the same result.

Savage shoves Steambaot into the referee and everyone is down. Heenan thinks it was just an accident of course and then blames it on Steamboat. They fight over a backslide and the referee is back up. This referee counts slow and it’s two here. Savage is busted open but manages to pull out a foreign object. It hits Steamboat in the eyes but doesn’t knock him down. Savage falls to the floor and eventually pulls Steamboat out too. They brawl for awhile and Steamboat beats the count in by about half a second.

Rating: B. Hey what a shock: two masters have a great match. They just did their thing and it was an excellent match. It’s not exactly Detroit in 87, but then again what is? This was a much slower paced match but it’s still very good in its own right. Good stuff here as always and this isn’t going to be topped on this show. If it does I’ll be stunned.

Iron Sheik/Nikolai Volkoff vs. Hart Foundation

In Boston here and this would be heel vs. heel. The Harts are the faces by default and get cheered as a result. They also break up the Russian national anthem to really ensure their cheers. Even Gorilla acknowledges that no one cheers the Harts most of the time. The Harts clear the ring and eventually we start with Bret vs. Nikolai. Off to Sheik before anything happenes.

Bret sends him to the floor pretty easily as the Harts are in desperate need of a better team than this to face. Sheik gets him in the heel (I guess) corner but he misses a boot so Volkoff gets knocked down. Nikolai does get up to break up the middle rope elbow and Neidhart is shoved away. Sheik can take over now and brings in Nikolai who gets caught in a sunset flip which the referee misses.

The team that should have been called the Iron Curtain uses the classic basic heel moves to control as Sheik runs through his array of offense: abdominal stretch, gutwrench suplex and camel clutch, the final of which is broken up by Jim. Bret blocks some suplexes and it’s off to Neidhart. Jim cleans house with a bunch of dropkicks but Sheik breaks up a cover. Everything breaks down and Sheik pulls Neidhart’s leg to break up a slam and Volkoff falls on top for the pin.

Rating: D. Bad match and it’s not the right pairing for the Harts at all. They’re much better against the speed teams and since there was at least one for them to fight in the Killer Bees, I’m assuming there’s something up here. Not much of a match and pretty short, but the Harts did what they could. It just didn’t work all that well.

Nikolai Volkoff vs. Corporal Kirschner

This is a boot camp match which basically means street fight. The idea here is American hero vs. evil foreigner, which makes so much sense as we’re in CANADA. Volkoff runs a lot which doesn’t work as Kischner drops him with some shots. A low blow stops the Corporal and Volkoff takes over. Other than the low blow which might not have been seen anyway, the gimmick has only meant Nikolai is in camouflage pants.

Out to the ramp and Nikolai slams him out there a few times. And now back in because going into a big brawl might be too interesting. Back to the floor and this is going absolutely nowhere. Volkoff somehow manages to hit a pair of chair shots so bad that it actually makes the match EVEN MORE boring. He hammers on the Corporal with a belt and clotheslines him down with it.

Sunset flip gets two for Corporal and he starts his comeback. The fans wake up quickly but Kirschner makes sure to wait awhile between each move. Volkoff is losing his pants. And never mind as Kirschner is sent to the floor again. While he’s out there the Corporal takes off his boot. A shot with that is enough to finally end this nonsense.

Rating: F. I forgot this was a gimmick match most of the time. First off, Volkoff is so slow that it couldn’t get going no matter what was going on. Couple that with those HORRIBLE chair shots (I mean they didn’t even make noise) and there was no way for this to be anything resembling good at all.

Junkyard Dog/Andre the Giant/Jimmy Snuka vs. John Studd/Ken Patera/Jesse Ventura

This is two weeks before Wrestlemania and in MSG. Isn’t that pushing things pretty close together? Dog vs. Patera gets us going and the fans are already into it. Andre is in quickly and the dominance begins. Patera is knocked all over the place and Heenan tries to calm him down. Off to JYD again and Patera can barely stand up. Andre runs Patera off again and it all breaks down pretty quickly.

The heels take over and it’s off to Jesse who uses his usual stuff. In kind of a surprise, Jesse tries to ram Dog’s head into the buckle and it works as well as it always does. Here comes Snuka and the fans go crazy. Jesse gets in a shot though and the heels take over. Studd comes in and Andre wants a piece of him but has to wait a few weeks. Off to a bearhug to Snuka and the heels use the old switcheroo to bring back Patera.

Jesse comes in and we complete the trio of bearhugs. Back to Studd who bearhugs him as well. The place is going to erupt when Andre comes in. Jimmy breaks the hold and tags Andre. I was right about the place erupting. It’s a battle of the giants but Patera breaks up the slam. Studd runs and it’s off to Jesse. Everything breaks down and Snuka splashes Jesse for the pin while Andre runs interference.

Rating: D. Very boring match for the most part but the MSG reactions for Andre and Snuka were just great. Those two could do no wrong back then, which is probably what made the heel turn for Andre work so well. Boring match but a good ending which helped it a little bit. The Superfly Splash is always worth seeing.

King Kong Bundy/Big John Studd vs. Sivi Afi/King Tonga

Tonga is Meng/Haku and is in the middle of a small push as he tries to slam Studd. He succeeded at a house show but it was after a match was over. Tonga and Studd start with the power stuff. Tonga throws him to the floor and rams him into the post to take over. Back in Studd jumps off the top for a forearm shot and Tonga is in trouble.

As I say that he comes back with a superkick and Studd is reeling. Tonga fires away and dances. A headbutt keeps Studd down and there’s a slam which should be $15,000 but Heenan would always have an excuse of some sort. Afi comes in and gets tossed around but isn’t really hurt. Bundy comes in and the size and power catch up with the islanders. Afi takes him down and splashes him for two.

Afi looks a lot like Jimmy Snuka. He doesn’t have anywhere near the talent but that never stopped people before. Studd and Bundy pound him down and this is going on forever. Tonga comes in and Bundy drops a knee on him which gets the pin. Bundy tried to pull up but it got counted anyway. At least it’s over.

Rating: D-. This tape is AWFUL. This was basically a squash and probably the end of the run for King Tonga. Afi never went anywhere and I have no idea what happened to him. Bundy and Studd would continue to beat on people including the feud with the Machines which is an old favorite of mine. Other than that there isn’t much going on at all with them and they’d leave pretty soon.

Cowboy Lang vs. Lord Littlebrook

And it’s a midget match. This is in MSG and I have no idea what to talk about here. There aren’t any stories to them and there aren’t really any characters so what’s the point in these? Lang tries a few full nelsons and the crowd doesn’t care. Littlebrook bites the fingers so Lang bites him and the referee. This is a “comedy” match which as usual in these matches, as is the lack of comedy. Lang wins a reverse rolling victory roll. I’m not rating it of course but this was just as bad as any midget match.

Battle Royal

Thankfully they give us an entrants list: Junkyard Dog, Harley Race, Billy Jack Haynes, King Kong Bundy, Sivi Afi, Brutus Beefcake, Bobby Heenan, Pedro Morales, Lanny Poffo, Mike Sharpe, Moondog Spot, Jimmy Hart, King Tonga, Big John Studd, Dynamite Kid, Davey Boy Smith, Greg Valentine, Johnny Valiant, SD Jones, Tony Garea, Moondog Rex, Tony Atlas. The British Bulldogs were listed twice for some reason. The winner gets 50 grand.

Everyone immediately puts Studd and Bundy out as Jimmy Hart dives to the floor. Heenan gets tossed out quickly and things slow down as you would expect them to do. Jimmy is under the ring. SD Jones goes out and this is a pretty slow battle royal which is ok. Mike Sharpe goes out as does Atlas. Valiant is tossed. There’s nothing else to talk about in this.

There goes Garea. Race looks different here with the brown hair. I know that’s his more famous look but it’s different here. Speaking of Race, he’s out as is Afi. That puts him down to about ten people. The Bulldogs hit stereo dropkicks to take Moondogs at the same time. There are nine left. Dynamite Kid is gone and everyone is on the same side of the ring. I believe there are 8 left.

Pedro gets caught on the top and Valentine hits him enough to get rid of him. Beefcake is thrown out and we’re down to Poffo, Haynes, Smith, Dog, Tonga and Valentine, or five good guys vs. Valentine. He manages to dump Haynes and Tonga in a few seconds. Smith charges but Valentine low bridges him, then does the same thing to Poffo.

We’re down to Dog and Valentine in the ring. Dog is thrown to the outside but it’s through the middle ropes. That goes nowhere until Dog manages to headscissor Valentine out but he falls out too. And then Jimmy Hart comes in and is declared the winner because he went under the ropes earlier. The fans LOUDLY boo this out of the building but it’s totally legal.

Rating: D+. Not much here but they gave us a good ending. You know that the fans in MSG are going to freak out in the end for something like that. Good fun match here and definitely the best match on the tape other than the opener which are the only two good matches here.

Overall Rating: F+. Other than the opener and a one joke match, this was HORRIBLE. 1986 was a very bad time for the WWF and since there’s some weird No Hogan Rule on a lot of these tapes, there isn’t anything really interesting going on most of the time. This was like the bottom of the barrel for the company, which doesn’t scream Best to me.

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Best of the WWF Volume 5
Host: Gene Okerlund
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Jesse Ventura, Vince McMahon, Bruno, Sammartino

Just three of these left so let’s knock this one out. I won’t do the other two just after this because these shows can be hard to sit through at times. This one is from very early 1986 so most of the matches are from 1985 and a few of them revolve around the Women’s Title, which was a much bigger deal back then with Wendi Richter, the chick that basically caused the Rock N Wrestling Connection (ok not really but she was part of it) main eventing house shows when Hogan wasn’t there. Think about that for a minute. Let’s get to it.

Don Muraco vs. Ricky Steamboat

MSG from November of 85. They’re slow to start so I’m assuming this is going to go on for awhile. Steamboat speeds things up and a kick sends Don to the floor. Back in and Steamboat claps Muraco’s ears to send him right back to the floor. Back in and Muraco walks into a superkick and chops. Steamboat hooks the rare face chinlock (it’s a neck crank but I call them all chinlocks).

Muraco comes back but walks into more shots from Ricky to send him back outside. Back in again and Muraco STILL can’t get anything going. Backdrop sets up some armdrags and off to something resembling an STF. Now into a camel clutch. Steamboat grabs a nose lock before shifting to a front facelock. Clipped to later in the facelock as we hear about how this is a revenge match for the Dragon.

Muraco finally gets in some offense with an atomic drop and a clothesline. Steamboat goes face first into the post and he’s busted. Muraco goes after the wound like an evil man. Now it’s Steamboat on the floor as Gorilla wants a doctor to take a look at Steamboat. A slingshot puts Ricky into the post. Steamboat staggers around on the floor for a bit before getting slingshotted back in. That’s a popular move in this match.

Ricky chops away in the corner and the people get all exciteable. Muraco comes back again and Fuji throws in the cane. They fight over it but Steamboat kicks him off and into the referee. A cane shot misses Ricky so Steamboat kicks him in the back of the head and grabs the cane. The fans are LOSING IT. A cane shot draws the DQ loss for Steamboat though.

Rating: C+. Not a classic or anything but for what it was, this was fine. They let the guys do their thing and they worked the crowd into a frenzy because of it. What else do you really need to do in a place like New York? Steamboat was great and while Muraco was just a step past his prime, he could still go and do 20 minutes like he did here. Fine match.

Dragon breaks the cane and gouges it into the head of Muraco. He had a mean streak to him. Steamboat beats on Muraco for a bit because he’s Ricky Steamboat and he can. Don is busted too.

Hart Foundation vs. Killer Bees

I told you these teams always hooked up. I think we’re in Philly here. Blair clears house to start and it’s off to Brunzell. Bret is in trouble early and the Bees stay on the arm, which the announcers criticize them for. Bret gets in an elbow and here’s the Anvil. Blair is in trouble but gets in a right hand to a big pop. He doesn’t do anything after that but it shows you how strong the crowds were back in the day.

The Dream Team has the belts at the moment so this is late 85-early 86. Bret misses a charge into the ropes and it’s off to Brunzell. Brunzell hits his dropkick on Hart but Anvil makes the save. Everything breaks down but Bret and Brunzell go to the floor. And there’s the LAME double DQ. This didn’t run long enough to really get going.

Rating: C-. These two were incapable of having a bad match but they needed more time here. The double DQ came in way too fast and that really hurt things. You could easily watch any of these guys’ matches and you would get a good match out of it. Fun stuff here, while it lasted at least.

Hart Foundation/Barry O vs. Killer Bees/Paul Orndorff

This is joined in progress in the same city. Blair is getting beaten on but he goes through Orton’s (that’s what the O stands for) legs and brings in Orndorff who would be a huge star at this point. A spinebuster/dropkick combination pins Barry in like two minutes shown. Not enough to rate of course but I’d certainly hope the full thing was longer.

Tag Titles: British Bulldogs vs. Dream Team

Wrestlemania preview if you want to really stretch things. Dream Team has the belts. Valentine vs. Dynamite to start. Dynamite sends him flying to start and into the corner where he rams into Beefcake. Double tag brings in Smith and Bulldog. The Dogs speed things up and work over the arm. Davey fires off dropkicks for everyone but double teaming takes him down.

Not that it matters as he makes a tag just a few seconds later and Dynamite beats on the champs for a bit. Backbreaker gets two on Valentine. Dynamite goes up for presumably the Swan Dive (not called that yet) but Luscious Johnny V shoves him off the top for ANOTHER lame DQ finish.

Rating: C-. Same explanation as the previous tag match: these teams can have a good match if you give them the time but they cut it short here with the DQ ending. They would have by far and away the best match of the night at Wrestlemania. Beefcake wasn’t much at this point which is why they put him in there with Valentine who could more than carry a match.

Now it’s time for the fun part of this. Ok so back in the 80s there was a show called Tuesday Night Titans, which is basically a WWF variety/talk show. Picture any stupid or funny segment that you remember from the 80s and this is where it came from. There was a running idea on here where Mr. Fuji and Don Muraco were convinced they were too talented to be in the WWF anymore so they made their own series of TV pilots such as Fuji Vice (Hawaiian cops), Fujito Bandito (western) and this one: Fuji General. It’s a comedy skit but the idea is that it’s supposed to be pure drama with the two in perfect character.

Muraco and Fuji are on the set of TNT (the show was set up like a late night talk show) and Muraco says this is an awful script with a bad director but they’re the only ones talented enough to make it work. It’s at a hospital with overly dramatic music. Muraco is a doctor who hits on a nurse who isn’t interested. His name is Norman here. The idea is that they can’t act to save their lives but they think they deserve Oscars. The nurse turns him down and the dramatic music hits again.

He keeps clearly reading off cue cards so the director yells cut about how bad the acting is. Fuji comes in with the had, bowtie, doctor coat and thick accent. We cut to a new scene in a patient’s room and Fuji keeps looking straight at the camera. They hit on the nurse again or something and Fuji fires the nurse. Muraco hits on her again after Fuji leaves so the director yells again. “Stop being a wrestler for a bit and act!” Muraco tries to get the nurse to have an affair with him so he hits on her and looks at the camera/cue cards the whole time. The director yells again so Fuji comes in and it’s a big argument. Fuji and Muraco quit.

Back to the set of the talk show and everyone is cracking up, which is a regular ending for these segments. Vince says that was the worst acting he’s ever seen. When Vince McMahon is making fun of your film making, YOU SUCK.

Women’s Title: Wendi Richter vs. Lelani Kai

Richter broke the 20 or whatever year reign of Moolah and is defending here. Joined in progress with Kai in control. Moolah has been training Kai apparently. Kai misses a charge and hits the floor. A woman just went crashing onto concrete so of course the MSG fans cheer. Richter suplexes her back in and hooks a bad surfboard. This is in mid-February of 85 in case you’re curious.

Richter takes her down and works on the arm to control. This was back in the day when Moolah basically trained every chick there was so you can expect to see a lot of the same stuff and the same look from most of the girls. Kai comes back with a choke and the announcers blast the referee for being out of position. The match isn’t very good but the fans loved Richter (or maybe her manager, pop star Cyndi Lauper) so it works.

Big boot puts Lelani down as does a slam. Must be watching a lot of Hogan stuff around this time. Moolah goes after Lauper and you would think the President was being attacked. Moolah looks like she’s wearing the same sweater that Liz wore at Mania 7. Either way the distraction and a right hand to Richter are enough for Kai to backslide her for the pin and the title. Richter would get it back at the first Mania in about 6 weeks.

Rating: D-. This was all about the shock of the title change so that they could do another title switch at the first Mania which is fine. Richter’s outfit was probably smaller than what most of the Divas wear today if you can imagine that. Very bad match from an in ring perspective though. For the life of me I don’t get why they brought Kai out of mothballs for Mania 10 and a match with Alundra Blayze.

Women’s Title: Wendi Richter vs. The Spider

Now THIS is a famous match for reasons I’ll get to at the end. Spider is in a mask. Joined in progress again and from November of 85. A flying headscissors gets two for Richter. Richter gets a “clothesline” for two. Small package looks to get two for Spider but when Richter is trying to kick out (and gets her shoulder up) the referee keeps counting three. And that my friends is a shoot.

Post match Wendi keeps going because that wasn’t the planned finish and rips the mask off to reveal Moolah. Here’s what happened: Richter was having contract issues (details of which vary based on who is telling the story. Richter says money, Vince/WWF says her contract was up) and Vince decided to get the title off her. Spider Lady was supposed to be some random chick but instead it was Moolah, a legit tough chick. After this, Richter quit on the spot and left the arena in her gear. She never appeared again and allegedly never spoke to Moolah or Vince again. This is known as the Original Screwjob.

Intercontinental Title: Jesse Ventura vs. Tito Santana

Interesting point to start: we’re told that Jesse and Adonis held the tag titles. They did, but they were the AWA tag titles. They said this regularly but it wasn’t something you expect to hear. I think this is in Toronto. Jesse complains about the closed fist because that’s what heels do before punching their opponents. He calls Santana Chico which is always awesome. Jesse keeps getting caught in holds and heading for the ropes.

Time for a wristlock as the fans are almost all behind Jesse. They pop for Tito’s reversal as well though so I guess the Canadians are confused here. Off to a headlock but Jesse gets a knee to the ribs to take over. Out to the floor now and it’s confirmed that we’re in Toronto. Jesse’s offense is pretty basic but he knows how to work a crowd like a master which is more important.

Tito gets in a few punches but Ventura pokes him in the eye to stop him. Win if you can, lose if you must but always cheat. Backbreaker gets two and an atomic drop does the same. Here’s a bearhug which makes sense given the back work that was done earlier. Tito smacks him in the head to escape. Gorilla: “Look at that firey Mexican!” Tito grabs the Figure Four but Jesse gets the rope. They fight up the ramp and Tito puts the Figure Four on out there but Jesse kicks him into the ring for the countout win.

Rating: C. Not bad here but it worked for the most part. It was actually a double countout if you care. This was fine for a house show title defense, especially with someone like Jesse who was a rarity to see in the ring at this point. He knew how to work a crowd but the people loved him which is the right idea.

Andre the Giant/Jay Strongbow/Ivan Putski/Rocky Johnson vs. Wild Samoans/Samula/Big John Studd

This is the ultra rare three out of five falls match. And in an eight man tag too. Not bad for a gimmick match main event. You should know most of these people. Samula is the third Samoan and more or less just a backup guy. He’s more famous as Samu of the Headshrinkers. We’re in Philly here and Samula starts with Rocky. This is a pretty high profile tag match.

Afa steps in, Andre steps in, Afa steps out. Afa is in again to face Rocky. Rocky was very popular back in the day and I like him more every time I see him. For some reason the teams are on full sides of the apron instead of in one corner each. Off to Studd to take on Rocky but Andre wants in. You don’t tell a giant no so it’s off to Sika. Andre rams John and Sika’s heads together and waits on an opponent.

Sika begs off but Andre destroys him anyway. This is 1983 so Andre can still move. Here’s Strongbow who still looks like a human. He hooks the sleeper and everything breaks down. Johnson grabs Sika so Andre can chop him. Double headbutt takes Strongbow down. The Samoans are tossed around by Andre and there was a bell for some reason. Gary Capetta is the announcer if you care. The first fall is a DQ against the Samoan team so it’s 1-0 heroes.

Jay is one of the people in but we don’t have an opponent. Ok so it’s Samula. Studd choked Jay to give the Samoan the advantage and Andre isn’t pleased. A headbutt puts Strongbow down and a falling version of it ties us up. Strongbow whips Samula into Andre’s boot which is good for the third fall, making it 2-1. It might have lasted 20 seconds. 23 actually.

Round four starts and the fans want the battle of the giants. Putski hasn’t been in yet. It’s Strongbow vs. I believe Afa to get this one going. Now we get some Polish Power. He rams Samoan heads together and pounds on Afa. Sika finally gets a shot in and the Samoans take over on Ivan. A double headbutt sends him flying, but he flies right to Andre. The Giant cleans house and breaks up a triple team. Samula jumps into a boot and Andre sits on him to win three falls to one.

Rating: C. The match wasn’t all that exciting but this was to fire up the crowd with something new and I think you can safely say they did just that. Not a great match or anything but it got a lot of big names in there and the fans got everything but the top request they had, but that was certainly coming. Fun way to end things.

Overall Rating: C. Not a terrible tape here and certainly watchable. One thing I never got: why isn’t Hogan in a lot of these? I mean he’s in most of them but you would expect a series that started in like 1983-84 (he was on volume 1) to have more of him in it. Anyway, this was fine although nothing worth going out of your way to see, except Fuji General but I’d recommend finding the TNT Coliseum Video (remember that’s Tuesday Night Titans) which has I believe all of them in one tape.

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Best of the WWF Volume 8
Host: Gene Okerlund
Commentators: Alfred Hayes, Gorilla Monsoon

This is one of the last ones I have left so for any of you getting annoyed with me doing these over and over again, counting these two I have four to go so it’s almost over. This one is from mid 86 so we’re in a far different era than the last one of these that we took a look at. Let’s get to it.

Same opening video, same comments from me about it.

Hart Foundation vs. Killer Bees

This is from MSG. I remember one of these four (I think Bret) saying these teams wrestled a few thousand times so they know how to work well together. Bret is brand new (to WWF) here. Anvil and Brunzell get us going. Brunzell tries to get in a power contest with him for some reason and it goes as well as you would expect. Jim tries to ram into him and it hurts him more than Neidhart.

Crowd is white hot here and the fans go nuts for a drop toehold. Brunzell works on the leg which is the best thing he could do. Anvil goes after him with the power game and here’s Bret for the first time. The referee has a small afro here. Bret is a little more muscular here than I’m used to seeing him as. Off to a chinlock and Blair is in control. The crowd is amazing here as they get into the tiniest of things like Blair getting up from a chinlock.

There’s the tag to Brunzell but he goes after the wrong guy. Bret knees him in the back and it’s Brunzell in trouble again. Back to the chinlock by Anvil this time. A quick DEVASTATING bearhug leads to Bret coming in but Blair saves a pin. Again the crowd here amazes me. Bret hooks a front facelock and he keeps the tag from being made again. Brunzell gets free but Anvil gets Blair’s attention on the floor.

Time for some back work as Brunzell is in trouble. I thought it was usually Blair that took the beating for the most part. Hart hits a dropkick for a very delayed two. This is your standard old school tag formula which means that the main criteria is how talented the guys are in at selling the stuff they’re doing. These four are great, so that should mean a good match.

There’s your tag to Blair who clears house. Small package gets two. Heel miscommunication would seem to be the ending but Bret kicks out. There’s an abdominal stretch to Bret and everything breaks down again. The Bret corner chest bump gets two. O’Connor Roll gets a VERY close two. A blind tag brings Brunzell back in and he kicks Bret’s head off with a dropkick but the time runs out at probably 20:00.

Rating: B-. These t

wo having a good match in the mid 80s is like saying the sun came up this morning. These guys were practically memorizing each other at this point and like I said, they wrestled each other a few hundred times at least. This was no shock and would have been great with a clean finish or a finish that gave us a winner. Still though, that’s a reason to come back for more.

Terry Gibbs vs. Dan Spivey

Gibbs is a name you hear popping up every now and then. Spivey was brought in for the simple reason of he looked exactly like Barry Windham who had flipped out and went home. Seriously, that’s why Spivey has a job. This is joined in progress with Spivey being knocked out to the floor. The next few matches are about newcomers and in this case it’s Spivey. Elbow drop gets two for Terry. Time for a bearhug which goes on WAY too long.

Spivey comes back but misses an elbow. Gibbs takes over again but jumps into a bearhug of his own. Gibbs thinks of the smart idea of raking the eyes. Spivey comes back again and this time the elbow hits. A legdrop gets the same. Did I mention he has blonde hair and yellow tights? Bulldog ends this for Bar…I mean Spivey.

Rating: D. What we saw of this was bad. Gibbs is nothing of note and Spivey is there because he was tall and blonde and I guess they were hoping no one would notice the difference. Bad match here, mainly because neither guy is worth anything in the ring, which is what it all breaks down to.

Billy Jack Haynes vs. Moondog Rex

Haynes is the newcomer here and we’re in Boston. A pretty loud boring chant begins while Rex is on offense. Haynes starts his comeback and the fans really aren’t all that interested. Rex is busted a bit as he comes back in and hammers away. Full nelson by Haynes ends this quick. Not enough to rate but it was nothing to see at all.

Junkyard Dog vs. King Kong Bundy

Back to MSG. This isn’t about newcomers in case you were confused. Hayes thinks Bundy will be the man that takes the title off Hogan. I’ll have what he’s having please. This is going to be a lot of kicking and punching I think. Bundy knocks him down but the missed elbow lets JYD use the all fours headbutts. Dog comes back with clubbing shots but Bundy takes him down with a clothesline.

Knee drop gets two for the white dude. Dog punches away as that’s about all he knows how to do. A bunch of those get two. A falling headbutt misses but that shouldn’t hurt him should it? They slug it out and a double clothesline puts both guys down. Things slow down and it’s a chinlock by Bundy. The referee checks Dog’s arm and even though it drops three times, they check it again and the fourth time it stays up so that’s good enough I guess. Dog makes his comeback but Bobby trips him and that’s a DQ.

Rating: D-. And yet I didn’t hate it. The problem with this was that it was all punching and kicking. I mean that was probably 95% of the match. The fans kind of reacted to it but then again people watch Jersey Shore so there you go. Nothing to see here but what were you really expecting here?

Jimmy Jack Funk vs. Tony Garea

Funk is the newcomer here. Joined in progress again with Funk holding a chinlock. Off to a chinlock…again. Jimmy has Jimmy in the corner. Garea counters a suplex and Hart desperately tries to convince Gorilla that his man will win. They slug it out from their knees and here’s Tony’s comeback. Tony tries a cross body but Jack catches it and after about 4 hours, turns it over into a powerslam for the pin.

Rating: D-. Funk is another guy that I never got the appeal of. I think they tried to put him into the Funk family to try to give him credibility but it didn’t work at all. Garea was a good hand to have but his time had passed for the most part. Basically imagine a face version of William Regal.

Harley Race vs. Lanny Poffo

Race is the “newcomer” here, although they openly say he’s wrestled for twenty years. Clipped to Poffo taking something like a brainbuster on the floor. The fans are quiet but this is the old Race, as in the old school style of him. Top rope headbutt (which Race is credited with inventing) puts Poffo down and a regular one puts him on the floor. Poffo starts his comeback and hits a flying headscissors to bring Race over the top and back in. Race gets him in a fireman’s carry and drops him throat first across the top rope to break up the comeback though. Fisherman’s suplex ends this. Not enough to grade but Race was his usual great self, even though the match was dull.

Time for a bodyslam challenge. Studd offered a $15,000 reward to anyone who could slam him. Oh wait it’s a match with that as a stipulation. Got it.

Big John Studd vs. Ricky Hunter/Jim Powers

I just can’t escape this Powers guy. Before the match starts though King Tonga (Meng/Haku) comes out and says he can slam him. Studd says wait your turn. Both guys try to slam him which doesn’t work at all. Bruno is on commentary and he’s about one step shy of saying “dudes, fail.” They finally figure out that you have to beat on him and then slam him when he’s stunned. The idea is fine but it doesn’t work at all. Studd destroys them and pins Hunter with a slam.

King Tonga runs in and slams him with ease. You know what that means.

Big John Studd vs. King Tonga

Studd immediately slams him during the opening bell to take over. Tonga goes for a slam but it gets countered. That’s the whole point of the match: Tonga wants to slam Studd. Off to a chinlock but Tonga comes back with some martial arts. Another slam attempt sends them tumbling to the floor and it’s a double countout. No rating again but this was a one move match.

They brawl on the floor post match with Tonga getting the better of it. The brawl and teasing going back in goes on longer than the match. Now they get back in and brawl as there’s a referee in there for some reason. Tonga headbutts him to the floor and that’s enough for John.

Ted Arcidi vs. Terry Gibbs

Arcidi is a strongman and the newcomer here. Yeah they’re still on that. Arcidi overpowers him and there’s an oil complaint. He no sells everything to start and gets a full nelson but Gibbs makes the ropes. After some quick offense (as in punching/pounding, which Gorilla calls unconventional), Ted gets a quick bearhug to end it. Just a squash.

Cousin Junior vs. Hercules Hernandez

Herc is the newcomer and Junior is a hillbilly. Joined in progress again and Herc (with wild hair) is holding a chinlock. There’s no commentary for this so far for some reason. Oh ok there is but it’s very quiet. Herc works him over and gets two off an elbow. Back to the chinlock. Junior makes his comeback but gets slingshotted (slungshot?) to the floor. Herc punches him back down and Junior isn’t wearing any shoes. Junior comes back with a sunset flip but Hernandez counters that as well.

After more punches, there’s another chinlock. Junior makes his comeback but gets caught by a kind of superkick and a jumping knee. Herc isn’t exactly Lou Thesz out there but he slams Junior to expand the repertoire. He goes up but a jumping punch misses. Herc reverses a sloppy O’Connor Roll for the pin and I think he had some tights. Well, overalls.

Rating: F. These newcomers have a lot to learn. Junior was part of the Hillbilly Family which was around to give Hillbilly Jim something to keep him on screen while he recovered from a broken leg. I think they were around before that too but not in as prominent of a role. This was really bad.

Intercontinental Title: Pedro Morales vs. Adrian Adonis

Since Adrian never held this title, Pedro is defending. Joined in progress (again) as this is an Archives match. They slug it out and the fans are of course way into Pedro. He knocks Adonis to the floor and is slow even here in what I think is about 1980. They ram each other into various things and Pedro misses a shoulder back inside. That ring sounds very metallic. The American hits a German on the Puerto Rican and they do the suplex but one guy gets his shoulder up in time spot to keep the title on Pedro. Too short to rate but bad as always on this tape.

Adrian beats Pedro up and hits him with the belt post match, only to get knocked to the floor himself.

Pat Patterson vs. Lou Albano

This is from 1982. Patterson is loved, Albano is hated. Albano immediately goes for the foreign object but Patterson knocks it out of his hands before the opening bell. He clocks Lou with it to bust him open so Albano Does The Mario for a bit. Albano gets knocked around for maybe two minutes and walks out. Patterson was just crazy over in New York.

Jake Roberts vs. Ricky Steamboat

This is also joined in progress. The idea here is that Jake DDTed him on the concrete on SNME, igniting a huge feud. This is just one of those stops along the way. Steamboat fires off martial arts to send Jake outside and the referee goes all nuts on Steamboat and shoves him away. Back in and Steamboat speeds things up but Jake catches him with a right hand to take over.

Dragon almost gets sent to the floor but he hangs on and hits a sunset flip for no count as Jake pops him in the face. Steamboat comes back with some neckbreakers but a splash attempt gets knees. Out to the floor and Jake wants to DDT him out there again but Ricky rams him into the barricade to escape. Back in and there’s a top rope chop. Jake is busted open. The referee pulls Steamboat off AGAIN and Ricky is getting ticked off. There’s a THIRD time and Jake gets in a shot as a result. Steamboat finally says screw it and shoves the referee for a DQ.

Rating: C-. What a breath of air this was. It wasn’t a great match or anything due to the annoying referee but when you’ve sat through an hour of Ted Arcidi and Jimmy Jack Funk, a Steamboat match sounds like water in the desert. This was ok but they would have far better brawls with far less annoying referees.

Overall Rating: F. Oh this was bad. The whole “newcomers” angle didn’t mean anything because the matches sucked. If I knew these were the next generation, I’d be getting some shoes on and going to the library instead of looking to see when WWF was on TV next. Just awful although the opening tag was good. Imagine: giving talented people a good deal of time and you get a good match.

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Best of the WWF Volume 7
Host: Gene Okerlund
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Jesse Ventura, Vince McMahon

We’re back to this again and this is the second time I’ve had to do the first half because I screwed something up and I’m an idiot. Anyway this is from mid 86 which isn’t a good time for the WWF other than this new guy named Savage who is kind of awesome. Other than that there isn’t much to it. Let’s get to it.

Dig that Coliseum Video opening! And yes I know I say that every time but it’s still awesome.

Gene welcomes us to the tape and runs down the card.

Pedro Morales vs. Terry Funk

We’re in Boston here in I’d guess early 86. Gene tells us about Morales holding what we would now call the Triple Crown. Morales is at the end of his career here but he was still big enough of a draw to be brought into the big New England crowds. Morales hammers away and Funk is all messed up early on. Then again he might just be Terry Funk. Funk comes back in and throws Pedro onto the announce table.

Morales may have injured a hamstring on the fall. Funk hammers him in the head and does a little Ali Shuffle. He keeps peppering Morales and they go out onto the table again. Funk actually pulls the headset off of Gorilla who implies a showdown later on. That could actually be worth seeing. Or maybe that was Jimmy Hart. Pedro goes shoulder first into the post and this has been totally one sided so far.

Funk pulls some tape out of his tights and chokes away. Morales gets it though and here comes the firey Latin temper that he was famous for. He knocks Terry around as Jimmy is freaking out on the floor. Funk gets knocked to the floor and the steps get turned over. He goes head first into them and hides under them like a true cowardly heel. Pedro teases jumping off the top but settles for drilling Funk upside the head. Funk does a perfect Flair Flop off the apron to the floor.

I don’t think I’ve seen anything other than punches in this match so far and that’s made it awesome. Funk is all over the place, looking either drunk or old. In other words, he’s perfectly fine. Back to the floor again and Terry finds a wooden chair under the ring but it doesn’t get used. Instead Pedro punches him some more and kicks him in the back. Funk gets his trunks pulled down and that’s an image I really didn’t need to see twice in one night. Jimmy slips Funk the Megaphone and a shot to the head ends this.

Rating: B-. This was a great old school brawl from two great old school brawlers. Funny how something like that works isn’t it? Pedro was more or less done after this and it’s not like Funk ever did much in his run in the WWF. At least after this he went back to the NWA where he was much more successful.

WWF World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Randy Savage

This was the hottest feud on the planet back then and Savage jumps him as soon as Hogan hits the ring. He destroys Hogan for about three minutes with the robe and shades still on. And that is why Randy Savage is better than you: he can make a robe, sunglasses and purple underwear look awesome. A bunch of belt shots, including one off the top are all cool with the referee.

Liz gets on the apron for dramatic convenience and Hogan takes over with his big rights. Now he has the shades on and he chokes away with the headband. We head to the floor and Savage goes into the post, busting him open badly. Hulk peppers him with some shots to the open cut. What a strategic American hero.

We get our first non-punch move of the match: a choke by Hogan. The fans are WAY into this as Liz gets up on the apron again. Savage gets a shot in and sends Hogan to the floor. There’s the double axe to the outside and another one on the inside for two. Savage goes up and there’s the big elbow, but Hogan does the superhero kickout at one. It’s Hulk Up time and I think you know where this is going.

Hogan goes off on him and there is blood everywhere. There’s the big boot and Savage keeps trying to run. Back to the floor and Hogan sets to ram him into the post but Liz stops him. Savage gets down and rams Hogan into the post. We have a bell for some reason and I guess we’re done? There are spots of blood on Hogan’s trunks.

Rating: B. This is one of those matches where there wasn’t any kind of a story to it and it was just a big brawl from bell to bell. Due to that, the fans LOVED this and never stopped freaking out the entire time. These two did this same match almost every night on the house shows and it never stopped working. Once they teamed up in 88 they were almost unstoppable and it’s why the matches they had after they Exploded were so awesome.

Post match Hogan goes nuts, throwing on a bear hug. It takes a bunch of the roster to break it up. It’s cool to see that from Hogan (who is getting cheered harder than almost anyone else I’ve ever heard in the Garden) who rarely shows much anger. It’s a countout win for Savage if you’re interested, which was Hogan’s second straight loss to Savage in MSG. There’s huge heat on Savage being announced as the winner.

Lou Albano vs. Arnold Skaaland

This is a battle of the managers from 77, which I believe was a HUGE feud if I remember right. They’re both old but the fans are all over this. Skaaland drills him after the bell and Albano almost immediately runs. I think I’ve seen this before. I mean before I erased the review earlier tonight. Albano goes old school on the heel style with a foreign object that isn’t really there. Do that about four or five times and you’re going to need a police escort out of the place, at least back in the day.

The beating goes on for awhile and it’s more or less all Albano just popping him in the head with the object. Seriously that’s all the match is but if I know my MSG crowds, the pop for the comeback is going to be oh yeah there it is. Skaaland gets the object and drills Albano with it a few times to blow the roof off the place. Albano bails and it’s a countout win for Arnold.

Rating: B-. I know that’s way too high for four and a half minutes of nothing but punches, but dang the fans ate this up. They’re two old managers but that’s all this needed to be: a beating by Albano and then a big comeback win for Skaaland, which is all the fans wanted to see. This is a walking definition of less being more.

Tag Titles: Toru Tanaka/Mr. Fuji vs. Haystacks Calhoun/Tony Garea

The non-Japanese guys are champions here. This is a rematch from when the country boy and Garea, the guy from New Zealand won the titles earlier in the year. It’s also 2/3 falls. Calhoun is about 600lbs and was the biggest guy in the company’s history until some French giant arrived. Tanaka throws the salt that is always thrown by Japanese guys for some reason and some little old ladies keep sweeping it up. Ok then.

We’re almost immediately clipped to Garea and Tanaka starting us off. Garea hooks a headlock and is really bland looking while doing so. Calhoun is really happy and jolly. He’s a hillbilly character the size of Yokozuna if that gives you a visual. He comes in too celebrate because his partner hooks a chinlock. See what I’m dealing with here? The heels cheat to take over and it’s off to Fuji. It’s so weird to see him in shape.

Garea fights back, hitting what Tito Santana used called a head knocker. Clipped again to Garea backdropping Tanaka and it’s off to the fat man. He does a few comedy spots but also some simple ones like sitting on Tanaka’s chest instead of dropping onto him. The second time he does it, Garea stands on Haystacks’ back. Calhoun takes some salt to the eye but he gets out easily. A few shoulders get two on Tanaka. And there’s a spin kick to the stomach for the first fall for Tanaka.

Clipped to the start of the second fall with Tony pounding away on Tanaka some more. He hooks a front facelock which is ruled a choke in a rare thing to see for a face’s move. We get the most obvious clipping I’ve ever seen as all of a sudden Fuji is in the hold instead of Tanaka. I know they’re sneaky but come on now. Everything breaks down and the heels double team Calhoun enough for a DQ to tie things up.

Third fall begins with Calhoun all messed up but that’s normal for him as he was always kind of played up as a simpleton. Garea starts of course and Tanaka wants a handshake. They do some lame brawling and Garea hammers away even more. Off to the country boy again and the big splash keeps the titles on Calhoun and Garea.

Rating: D+. This was really pretty boring. I’ve seen some old school matches that are good but this was nothing to see at all. Calhoun was a big old school draw but he didn’t do much for me. The match was nothing to see and was mainly Garea doing the whole thing and boring me to death the entire time. The Japanese team would get the titles back later in the year.

Calhoun splashes Tanaka again because he can.

This next one is from Showdown at Shea so it’s pasting time. Monsoon does commentary on the tape but I’m not watching this again.

Intercontinental Title: Ken Patera vs. Tony Atlas

This is pre-jail for Patera so he’s blonde and still kind of awesome. Atlas is Mr. USA and a generic strongman. Surprisingly good reaction for Atlas. This sums up Patera very well: before Mark Henry, there was Ken Patera. Just with a lower level of suck that is. Atlas is RIPPED with a body that makes John Cena look like Yokozuna. He throws Patera through the ropes on a kickout. Keep in mind Patera weighs about 270.

Foley goes into this insane story about how he remembers the Atlas/Johnson title win and how a strange set of circumstances that night led to him being world champion. Cole is ON IT tonight, talking about how the guys are doing everything in much more dramatic fashion because there’s no video or anything like that so the view you have from the stands is all you have. That’s something I wouldn’t have thought of but it’s very true.

We then get something I’d bet you will hear on a maximum of three other WWE produced shows ever: Foley says a lot of the matches aren’t that good. How many times can you remember someone that flat out saying a show has been bad for the most part? Vince would call the worst matches ever “extraordinary” or something like that while Foley is sitting here saying this show hasn’t been very good. He’s absolutely right which is very nice to hear for a change, especially from someone that knows what it’s like to be out there.

Full nelson goes on but Atlas gets the ropes. The announcers don’t talk about the matches at all and are just telling stories about how their memories of these guys which is really fun to hear. It’s nice to hear guys that love this stuff just sit around and talk about wrestling rather than put things over. We get an interesting issue as the fans chant USA for Mr. USA Tony Atlas. Keep in mind Patera was a legitimate Olympian.

Cross body gets two for Atlas as Cole runs down the history of Shea Stadium. We hit the floor for some brawling and Patera is in trouble. This is a big brawl for the most part and we get a bell as Patera stays outside too long. Foley calls the finish unsatisfying. Atlas gets on the mic and wants more but the champion runs.

Rating: C-. Not very good but fun. Power vs. power is easy to do and this worked fine. Both guys oversold everything which is the idea here and it worked rather well. Not great or anything but fun which is what the idea is supposed to be here. Atlas was pretty decent actually.

Now we get to one of the theme parts of the tape: The Slammies! This was for the original broadcast, which is so far beyond campy it reaches the city again. Gene goes up to some fans and annoys them. All he does is ask who is winning tonight, without asking about categories or nominees. This goes on way too long and he doesn’t seem to stop asking decent looking women. One guy wisely walks away from him. I really hope these guys are plants. This is in Baltimore. The only interesting thing here: Gene says the words jabrino and kayfabe. This goes on WAY too long.

Jesse talks to Piper while Piper is in the bathroom.

Now we get to the main part of the awards. Vince and Gorilla are hosting and Gorilla has to zip up. The first award is for Most Ignominious and it was voted up by the WWF Academy of Arts and Sciences. The winner (and only nominee) is Nikolai Volkoff. Sheik and Volkoff (in wrestling gear and a cheap suit respectively) come out to accept the award but Sheik falls on his face. Volkoff thinks it’s a singing award. He doesn’t know what ignominious means and when he finds out he isn’t pleased. Nikolai says he shouldn’t be the Most Ignominious. He should be the SECOND Most Ignominious.

Roddy Piper wins the award for best performance in the Land of 1000 Dances video. He has what appears to be a broom with him for some reason. The trophy breaks as soon as he picks it up. He says that’s typical of MTV: Music to Vomit by. Oh that Roddy. He’s so crazy. Like MTV has anything to do with music.

Hart Foundation vs. British Bulldogs

If this isn’t awesome, they’re having an off night. Bret and Dynamite start us off and things are in high gear already. Bret bails and we’re clipped. YOU AIR TEN MINUTES OF GENE ASKING STUPID QUESTIONS AND YOU CLIP THIS??? Bret gets sent outside again and it’s off to Davey. It’s power vs. power now as Anvil comes in. They trade slams and Davey does it with just one arm. Show-off.

Davey makes Anvil look stupid (a far stretch to be sure) and it’s off to Bret. The Harts take over on Davey and work him over in their corner. This is Foundation 101 and to be fair it’s 80s tagging 101. They’re in the black and blue which I always like a little better than the pink. Smith gets the tag to Dynamite but Bret pops him in the back as he’s hitting the ropes. Now the REAL beating begins. Anvil sends him to the floor where Bret slams him on the concrete.

The heels do some old school cheating like switching without tagging and other such nefarious means. Dynamite takes the Bret chest first to the buckle bump. The Harts work over the ribs and back for the most part. There’s some heel miscommunication as Bret holds Dynamite’s arms back but Anvil has a boot up in the corner to ram Dynamite’s head into. You don’t often see that from the Harts.

Davey finally freaks out and chases Bret around the ring which just allows choking by Anvil. They continue the tag cheating ways by having Dynamite make the tag but Bret distracts to keep the tag from counting. I love stuff like that. Dynamite tries to spin out of a backbreaker like a tilt-a-whirl but I think they botch it to a degree. Backslide gets two for the Kid.

Dynamite gets tied up in the ropes but escapes just in time to avoid a flying Hitman who crashes into the ropes. Hot tag FINALLY brings in Davey to clean house. There’s the press slam to Bret. The numbers catch up with him and he takes a Hart Attack. Bret covers him, only to have Dynamite fly off the top with a swan dive (he was Benoit’s idol) and makes the illegal pin.

Rating: B. Oh come on it’s the Bulldogs vs. the Harts. This would be good if none of them had any limbs on their bodies. This is probably the best pairing of any WWF teams in this era, and when you consider how totally stacked the division was in this era, I can’t really think of any higher praise.

Fabulous Rougeaus vs. Moon Dogs

The lighting is horrible here so I’m assuming this is in a non-American city. I’m right as it’s from an unnamed city in Australia. The Rougeaus are brand new here. This incarnation of the Moon Dogs are Rex and Spot, probably the most successful pair. The Rougeaus take turns beating up on Rex, who is returning it seems. The brothers aren’t even in matching tights so this must be very early in their run in the company. Further research says this is their first month there.

Spot comes in but the beard doesn’t work its usual magic as he’s rolled up for two. We’re in Sydney if you’re particularly interested. According to Hayes this is the Rougeaus’ debut. The newcomers work over Spot but we’re clipped to him holding Raymond in a bearhug. Hot tag brings in Jacques who cleans house and hits a cross body for the pin on Rex.

Rating: C-. Pretty much a nothing tag match here but that wasn’t the point. This was the team’s debut and they needed a win over an established team to get anywhere. Also it’s just a house show match for a country that didn’t get much mainstream wrestling, so it’s not like this was supposed to be anything of note.

Dream Team vs. Iron Sheik vs. Nikolai Volkoff

Both teams here have lost the tag titles at Mania so they have that in common. Also this is the rare heel vs. heel pairing. This might be in Philly but I’m not 100% sure. Oh ok this is before Mania 2 so the Dream Team (Beefcake/Valentine) are the champions. Off to Beefcake who gets caught in the other evil corner. Nikolai hammers away on him and wins a brief power struggle.

I think the champs are the de facto faces here. Valentine has a little bit better luck against the Russian so it’s off to Sheik. He hooks an abdominal stretch and Gorilla still finds something to complain about with it. The Sheik goes aerial with a dropkick of all things and gets two. Brutus gets the tag and this match is boring me to death. The not yet Barber misses a middle rope fist to Volkoff and it’s time for a bearhug to waste more time. Camel Clutch by Sheik is broken up and Valentine comes in, as does everyone else. And there’s the lame double DQ. At least it’s over.

Rating: D-. This was one of the lamest matches I’ve seen in years. Just boring all around and the whole thing didn’t work at all. The Dream Team was straight up boring but would be together until Mania 3 because the fans hadn’t suffered enough I guess. Just a horrible match and terribly boring.

Overall Rating: B-. The last match really drains this because aside from that, I really didn’t have anything to complain about. Everything works really well and you get an hour and a half of great stuff until the last match on the tape just kills this thing deader than Coliseum Video. If they had put Hogan vs. Savage on last, this goes WAY up in value. Still good stuff though, which is rare in this series.

 

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Crockett Cup 1986
Date: April 19, 1986
Location: Louisiana Superdome, New Orleans, Louisiana
Attendance: 3,500 (Afternoon), 13,000 (Evening)
Commentators: N/A

Here’s the first of a set of three rare shows I’ll get to eventually. This is a 24 team tag tournament that was held every year from 1986-1988. This year has sixteen teams in the first round and the winners of those eight matches would face eight teams that had gotten byes. As you may have guessed, some of these teams were thrown together because we needed teams to fill in the brackets. There are also two non-tournament matches. Thankfully this is the home video version so a lot of the 23 match card (see why it was split into two sessions?) is cut or clipped. Let’s get to it.

Again bear in mind that this is the home video version so a lot of the bracket is missing.

Here’s the first round. The winners will face the team in parentheses.

Wahoo McDaniel/Mark Youngblood
Bobby Jaggers/Mike Miller
(Road Warriors)

Sam Houston/Nelson Royal
Batten Twins
(Midnight Express)

Fabulous Ones
Fantastics
(Arn Anderson/Tully Blanchard)

Guerreros
Sheepherders
(Rock N Roll Express)

Barbarian/Baron Von Raschke
Manny Fernandez/Jimmy Valiant
(Ivan Koloff/Nikita Koloff)

Terry Taylor/Steve Williams
Bill Dundee/Buddy Landell
(Dino Bravo/Rick Martel)

Italian Stallion/Koko Ware
Buzz Sawyer/Rick Steiner
(Ronnie Garvin/Magnum TA)

DJ Peterson/Brett Wayne
Black Bart/Jimmy Garvin
(Tiger Mask/Giant Baba)

See what I mean about thrown together teams? It’s no wonder this show is clipped.

The full title is Jim Crockett Senior Memorial Tag Team Tournament. Yeah it’s the Crockett Cup.

Crockett Cup First Round: Mark Youngblood/Wahoo McDaniel vs. Bobby Jaggers/Mike Miller

This is joined in progress with Wahoo pounding on I believe Miller. Expect to hear “joined in progress” and “clipped to” a lot in this. Off to Youngblood and it’s at this point that I realize there’s no commentary on this. Not even voiceovers. Something tells me this is going to be a lot harder to keep track of.

Youngblood gets beaten down and we’re cut to Jaggers holding him in a chinlock. Youngblood gets a shoulder block to put both guys down and it’s hot tag to Wahoo and everything breaks down. Wahoo chops Miller down and pins him with a big elbow drop (his finisher) to advance on. This was about 2 minutes of an 8 minute match. Expect a lot of stuff like that on this review.

Crockett Cup First Round: Sam Houston/Nelson Royal vs. Batten Twins

The twins are named Bart and Brad and that’s all I’ve got on them. Royal vs. let’s say Brad starts us off. And that’s enough of that so after about 8 seconds we’re off to Houston in trouble as the twins double team him. One of the twins misses a charge and hits the post but Houston can’t tag out. Jumping back elbow gets two for the one that didn’t hit the post. Lukewarm tag brings in Royal but its back to Houston quickly. At least the fans recognize him I think. The bulldog ends let’s say Bart quickly. This was about a minute out of 8 that the match ran.

Crockett Cup First Round: Jimmy Valiant/Manny Fernandez vs. Baron Von Raschke/Barbarian

We open with Jimmy dancing around like an idiot with the big beard against Baron’s evil paleness. Baron looks old and slow here in 1986. Off to Manny and we’re clipped to Barbarian hitting him in the back but missing a dropkick. Back off to Baron who can’t even throw very convincing forearms. Valiant gets a hot tag which Manny could make due to Baron being old and slow. Sleeper goes on Baron but things break down quickly. Some heel managers get involved but Manny hooks a sunset flip on Barbarian for the pin. About 2-3 minutes out of 11.

Crockett Cup First Round: Terry Taylor/Steve Williams vs. Bill Dundee/Buddy Landell

Team Mid-South here against I guess you would say Team Memphis. Joined in progress with Landell locking up with Taylor. There’s no rhyme or reason to any of these pairings so I apologize for how fast some of these matches seem. I’m just over ten minutes into the tap and we’ve seen this much. Clipped to Taylor in trouble as the fans chant for him. This is pre-Red Rooster so he’s got credibility. Dundee throws on a sleeper but Terry hooks a jawbreaker to escape. Hot tag brings in Williams who easily beats up both Tennesseeans. Oklahoma Stampede kills Landell dead at about two minutes out of twelve.

Crockett Cup First Round: Sheepherders vs. Hector Guerrero/Chavo Guerrero

The Sheepherders are the Bushwackers as CRAZY heels. Believe it or not there’s a match later on with them in it that Meltzer gave five stars, so they weren’t exactly the same team. Joined in progress with Butch pounding on Chavo but the guy with a famous brother escapes with speed moves. Off to Luke who pounds away even more but gets caught in a sunset flip for two.

Moderate tag brings in Hector and the announcer says we’re at ten minutes in. Abdominal stretch goes on but the Herders won’t quit cheating. Butch is knocked out of the ring as the flag bearer (Rip Morgan) is dropped for a BIG pop. Not that it matters as a double clothesline to Hector ends the Guerreros at just under three minutes shown of about 11. I’m sorry for the lack of ratings but at 15 minutes into the tape I’ve gotten through a two minute intro and five matches. What can I really do here?

Crockett Cup First Round: Fantastics vs. Fabulous Ones

Ok by sheer talent in the ring this has to be good. The Fabulous ones are Steve Keirn (Skinner and the current owner of FCW) and Stan Lane (future member of the Midnight Express). The Fantastics are Bobby Fulton and Tommy Rodgers and are probably my favorite NWA tag team. Fulton vs. Keirn to start and this goes fast. Clipped to Keirn hammering on Fulton. This lack of commentary is really pretty interesting.

A hot shot puts Fulton down but there’s no cover. Clipped to his comeback and Fulton’s tights being pulled down. Lane comes in for a superkick and we’re clipped again to both guys going down off a Russian legsweep. Hot tag to Rodgers gets a big pop as he hammers away on everyone in sight. House is cleaned and an O’Connor Roll pins Lane. WAY too clipped to have any kind of idea if it was good or not.

Crockett Cup First Round: Buzz Sawyer/Rick Steiner vs. Koko Ware/Italian Stallion

Ware is obvious and Stallion is a jobber to the stars. Sawyer is a bit nuts so he fits in perfectly. Ware vs. Sawyer to start off the latest clip-a-thon and I have no idea who the favorites are here. Sawyer is sent to the floor twice and wow he’s already back in. HOW FAST IS THIS GUY? Stallion comes in and works on Steiner who I didn’t recognize in regular trunks. I think he and Sawyer are the heels. Clipped to Ware in a bearhug by Steiner and it’s off to Sawyer. He misses a splash and Stallion comes in. We’re at the 15 minute mark so Sawyer hits a powerslam for the pin. Maybe two minutes shown.

Crockett Cup First Round: Brett Sawyer/Dave Peterson vs. Black Bart/Jimmy Garvin

This is the last match of the first round. Bart is a big fat cowboy and I don’t know much about their opponents. Bart hammers on Peterson and bumps around fast as Peterson isn’t that good from what I can tell. Off to Sawyer as they work on Bart’s arm a bit. Clipped to Garvin in control and then a hot tag to Sawyer. Bart drops a leg and a Garvin brainbuster ends this. The whole match was about 6 and a half minutes.

Now we’re onto the second round and most of the teams from here on are at least knows pairings. Here are the brackets.

Road Warriors
Wahoo McDaniel/Mark Youngblood

Sam Houston/Nelson Royal
Midnight Express

Arn Anderson/Tully Blanchard
Fantastics

Sheepherders
Rock N Roll Express

Koloffs
Manny Fernandez/Jimmy Valiant

Terry Taylor/Steve Williams
Dino Bravo/Rick Martel

Ronnie Garvin/Magnum TA
Buzz Sawyer/Rick Steiner

Black Bart/Jimmy Garvin
Tiger Mask/Giant Baba

Crockett Cup Second Round: Midnight Express vs. Sam Houston/Nelson Royal

We start at the beginning with Houston vs. Condrey. Man Cornette is loud. Off to Eaton and the Midnights are moving in this one. This has been all Express so far. Houston gets in a knee lift and it’s off to Royal and his huge trunks. Everything breaks down quickly and Eaton hits a shot off the top to Royal for the pin. The whole thing (unclipped!!!) was under two minutes.

Crockett Cup Second Round: Magnum TA/Ronnie Garvin vs. Buzz Sawyer/Rick Steiner

Ronnie vs. Sawyer to get us going but it’s off to Magnum quickly. Magnum works on Buzz’s arm but we’re clipped to him working on Rick’s arm. Go figure. Sawyer comes back in and goes nuts on him with all kinds of pounding away. Off to a chinlock and also off to Steiner. We’re clipped to a bit later in the heel beatdown and a DDT by Sawyer for two.

Magnum grabs a small package for two as well as a backslide. He finally gets the hot tag to Ronnie who throws some punches and tags right back out. Magnum hits the belly to belly on Steiner and in 1986 that might as well have been a bullet to the head. Again, way too short. Is a full match over three minutes too much to ask?

Crockett Cup Second Round: Road Warriors vs. Wahoo McDaniel/Mark Youngblood

Animal pounds on Youngblood and it’s off to Hawk quickly. Total dominance so far. Wahoo comes in to chop Animal some but enough of the powerful veteran. Let’s get the skinny guy in again! Hawk kills him with a shoulder block and after a few punches from Youngblood, the middle rope clothesline ends this. Total squash according to the clipped version.

Crockett Cup Second Round: Ivan Koloff/Nikita Koloff vs. Manny Fernandez/Jimmy Valiant

The first thing we see is Nikita in a leg lock. This is getting really boring because there’s not enough to gather anything from at all. We’re on the 12th match and I’ve watched about 35 minutes of this tape. Think about that for a minute. Wrestlemania 17 had 11 matches. Ivan gets a tag in and gets caught in the wrong corner. How was he a former world champion? Off to Valiant as Ivan’t crotch takes a beating.

Clipped to the five minute mark with Fernandez missing a dropkick to bring in Nikita again. Clipped to Manny in a bearhug as Ivan comes in again. Hot tag brings in Jimmy who cleans house and hooks a sleeper. Everything breaks down (that should be the name of this show) and Nikita gets a Sickle for the pin. WOW IT WAS OVER THREE MINUTES SHOWN!!!

Rating: D+. This was just ok as the Koloffs who were usually a good heel team came off looking like clowns here who hit one big move to win the match. I wasn’t huge on this one but a lot of that is probably due to Valiant. He had no room on a show outside of Memphis as he was just a crowd favorite rather than anyone talented in the ring. That being said, his pops were huge and I get why he’s in this. I just don’t like him.

Crockett Cup Second Round: Dino Bravo/Rick Martel vs. Terry Taylor/Steve Williams

Bravo is hurt, forfeit, no match.

Crockett Cup Second Round: Rock N Roll Express vs. Sheepherders

Oh pardon me: the New Zealand Sheepherders. It’s a big brawl to start and Luke has to bail quickly. Clipped to Robert sending Luke into the buckle and bringing in Ricky who cleans house. Clipped again to Butch pounding Ricky down to the shock of no one that knows anything about 80s wrestling. We’re at the five minute mark (when I say that it means that’s what the announcer says) and we’re clipped to Robert coming back in.

Gibson misses a charge into the corner and we’re clipped into even more of a beating on him. It’s weird to see an Express match without having Morton in there getting beaten down for the majority of it. Hot tag brings in Morton and there’s a double dropkick to Butch. The Flag Bearer comes in for the attack but Morton gets caught with the flag for the DQ to send the Sheepherders to the third round.

Rating: C. Pretty fun match with all four guys being all over the place here but in a good way. This was meant to be more of a fast paced match with the Express being dragged into a brawling style where they were in over their heads. Not a great match or anything, but these teams could have had a decent match if given the time.

Crockett Cup Second Round: Tully Blanchard/Arn Anderson vs. Fantastics

We actually get an opening bell and it’s Blanchard vs. Rodgers. They slug it out and we’re clipped to Rodgers holding a headlock. Off to Arn and he doesn’t do very well either. Clipped to Arn hammering away on Fulton as he becomes the Fantastic in peril. Fulton is sent to the floor and into the barricade. Not that we need to care or anything as we’re clipped to the hot tag to Rodgers. Arn grabs the Gordbuster but Fulton makes the save. We get the dropkick into the back of your partner as he’s slammed for the pin. Another short one.

Crockett Cup Second Round: Giant Baba/Tiger Mask vs. Black Bart/Jimmy Garvin

That’s Tiger Mask II, as in Misawa. Clipped to Tiger being faster than anything anyone has seen in America ever up to this point. Tiger grabs the arm and speeds things way farther up than this audience is used to with a baseball slide. Clipped to Baba hammering on Garvin after some heel double teaming. Clipped again to the heels working on Tiger Mask. Baba comes back in and destroys them all because that’s what old giants do. A big boot gets the pin on Bart to end what appeared to be a long squash.

That takes us to the third round. Here are the quarter-final brackets.

Road Warriors
Midnight Express

Fantastics
Sheepherders

Koloffs
Terry Taylor/Steve Williams

Ronnie Garvin/Magnum TA
Giant Baba/Tiger Mask

Crockett Cup Quarter-Finals: Road Warriors vs. Midnight Express

We open with Animal beating on Condrey. The Midnights are in different tights than earlier. This might be in the evening session. Animal runs him over a few times and hits a dropkick to the stomach. Clipped to Condrey trying to have a pose down with Hawk for no apparent reason. Cornette gets up on the apron for some double teaming which doesn’t work at all and the Midnights hit the floor.

Hawk takes a piledriver from Condrey and actually stays down for a few seconds! Oh scratch that as he’s back up and hammering away again. Clipped to a Rocket Launcher attempt but Hawk pops up and slams Eaton. Eaton gets beaten down for awhile and it’s off to Animal. The Midnights cheat some more as Animal catches Condrey in a powerslam. The makes Cornette pull the leg and it’s a DQ to send the Warriors to the final four. We got about 5 minutes out of ten here which is the most we’ve seen so far.

Rating: C+. This was getting pretty good while it lasted and the ten minute version would have been a pretty solid match. That being said, the clipped version is still pretty good and these are teams that seemingly would have been able to have good matches if they had the time to work with, but you can say that for almost any talented team.

Crockett Cut Quarter-Finals: Ivan Koloff/Nikita Koloff vs. Terry Taylor/Steve Williams

Taylor and Ivan start us off with Taylor working the arm. Taylor controls early and we’re clipped to Williams coming in to work on the arm. Doc (Williams) is in yellow and red here. We get the always cool gorilla press with reps from Williams to Ivan. Clipped to Taylor working on the arm. Ivan finally figures out he’s a bad guy and goes to the eyes so he can bring in Nikita.

Nikita vs. Williams at the moment in what is a power wrestling fan’s dream. Both of these guys are just scary strong. Koloff tries to pose so Williams dropkicks him to the floor. Clipped to a two count for Ivan and a tag back to Williams. We hit the fifteen minute mark of a twenty minute time limit with Doc slamming Ivan off the middle rope for two. Clipped to a powerslam getting the same result.

There’s the hot tag to Taylor and in Soviet Russia, house cleans you. He beats up both Russians but Ivan catches him with a knee/boot and various other power heel offense. Taylor is sent to the outside and they almost break the railing when he goes into it. Two minutes left. Ivan stomps on Terry and it’s back off to Nikita for a bear hug. A minute to go. Doc comes in anyway but Taylor keeps kicking out at 30 seconds to go. Taylor grabs a small package (this is a family show!) and time runs out with no real urgency from anyone.

Rating: C+. This was about ten minutes shown out of twenty which is something I can live with. This wasn’t bad and was probably the best match of the night so far. What a shock: a match that gets more time than any other one on the show is also the best one. Nothing too bad here but it wasn’t a memorable match or anything.

The double elimination means whoever wins in Garvin/Magnum vs. Baba/Tiger Mask is in the finals.

The Koloffs plus Krusher Khruschev (Smash from Demolition) beat down Doc post match.

Crockett Cup Quarter-Finals: Sheepherders vs. Fantastics

Big brawl to start and the Fantastics clear the ring. Clipped to Butch hammering on Fulton until the Fantastics dropkick everything in sight to send them to the floor. Clipped to Butch hammering on Fulton. I’ve seen this before it seems. Out to the floor for more dropkicking and it turns into a brawl. Fulton is beaten down on the floor and can barely move. Rodgers is ticked off because of it.

Clipped to Luke beating on Fulton but the flag bearer messes up, resulting in Luke going into the flag. There’s the hot tag to Rodgers and Butch is busted open. The cameraman and referee are taken out and now Fulton is busted as well. The flag bearer tries to cheat again and one more time it doesn’t work. The future Wackers get the flag stick in the ring and beat on Fulton with it but as is the case in wrestling, they get beat on with it as well. Another referee comes down to wake up the first and it’s another double DQ. That means the Road Warriors are in the finals as well.

Rating: B. Meltzer gave THIS five stars? It’s a fun brawl and WAY violent for its time, but the clipping must have killed it because this wasn’t a classic or anything resembling one. It’s good and the most fun match on the show so far, but if the full version was 15 minutes, this was the low half of it. My mind continues to be blown by his ratings at times as this is one of the matches better than Savage vs. Steamboat? Really?

Crockett Cup Quarter-Finals: Tiger Mask/Giant Baba vs. Magnum TA/Ronnie Garvin

Tiger Mask vs. Garvin starts us off but we’re joined in progress again. Garvin works on the leg and it’s off to Magnum vs. Baba. Baba runs him over a bit until we’re off to Tiger again. Magnum gets a suplex and we’re clipped to him being caught in a front facelock. Sunset flip gets two for Magnum and it’s back to Baba. Garvin comes in to get smacked around a bit by the Giant and everything breaks down again. Baba’s arms are frighteningly skinny. Tiger hits a dropkick and senton on Magnum. He goes up for the cross body but jumps into a belly to belly for the pin out of nowhere.

Rating: D+. From what I could see here this wasn’t that good. They were all faces which hurt things a lot. The ending wasn’t bad but the match was still pretty dull. This sets up another all face final which isn’t going to do this show any favors. Nothing great here but that’s just the way things have been going all day tonight.

Garvin/Magnum vs. Road Warriors in the final.

UWF North American Championship: Jim Duggan vs. Dick Slater

Oh great we’re going to get this one in full. Duggan is champion and that’s the top title in the Mid-South company. Jim Ross does the introductions which isn’t something you see every day. This REALLY could have gone on earlier in the tape and it would have helped a lot. Duggan takes over with power and we’re clipped to Slater coming back in after being knocked to the floor.

Duggan throws on a headlock and this match is already boring. He hammers away with his usual array of stuff, which is to say a lot of punches. Slater punches back and we head to the floor. Duggan is thrown into the barricade which falls over under his weight. Off to a chinlock as I begin to look for some traffic to play in to cure my boredom. Slater hooks a neckbreaker and we’re clipped to him missing something off the top.

Duggan starts hammering on him again and does his stomp to appeal to the patriotism in all of the fans. How that stomp is American I’m not sure but Duggan is on a different intellectual level than I am. The referee gets bumped (meaning kneed in the back by Slater) and Slater drops a top rope elbow for two. Duggan gets tied up in the ropes, but when the referee tries to pull him off, Duggan escapes with the three point shoulder block to end it.

Rating: D-. This was horrible. Duggan was a popular guy in Mid-South and would be a huge star in WWF, but without any kind of story or anything like that, this was just boring. It’s almost all punching and when Dick Slater is the more interesting wrestler in your match, you can tell you’re in a lot of trouble.

NWA World Title: Ric Flair vs. Dusty Rhodes

They fight over a top wristlock to start and Dusty’s manager Baby Doll is already getting on my nerves with her screaming. Now they chop it out in the corner and Dusty takes over to start as you would expect. A bunch of right hands sends Flair running and Baby Doll is a very old looking woman. Back in Flair tries a leapfrog and walks into an elbow to the head to put him down.

They fight over the arm again as we hit five minutes. There might have been a clip in there somewhere because it doesn’t seem like we’ve been at this that long. They go to the floor for a few seconds and somewhere in there Dusty got busted open. Dusty fires back by crotching Flair on the post. Now I know we have a clip as they’re slugging it out until Flair grabs a sleeper.

Dusty sends Flair into the corner to counter and we’re clipped to them on the floor and Flair blading very obviously. We don’t see what the shot was that caused it but who needs that? You can hear the referee say Ric’s cut too. Flair gets caught in the Tree of Woe which goes nowhere. Dusty gets two off a clothesline at the fifteen minute mark. We saw about 5 minutes out of ten between the 5 and 15 minute announcements.

Off to a sleeper which Dusty doesn’t crank on at all. Flair grabs the rope about 10 times but the hold isn’t broken. Isn’t touching it the same as grabbing it? Dusty hooks his awful Figure Four as there’s no crank on it at all. You see that a lot in his holds. They clip out the hold to just Flair grabbing the rope. Are you serious? Flair goes up and yeah you know the drill. Dusty tackles him into the referee so there’s no count on his small package. Flair hits Dusty in the head with Dusty’s own boot for two at the 20 minute mark. Flair goes after baby Doll so Dusty hits him with the boot and that’s a DQ.

Rating: C. The curse of the clipping strikes again because this looked like it was a pretty good match but we didn’t get to see the middle parts of it which is where most of the good stuff came from. This has really been a problem but for the love of all things good and holy, can we please see the full match in the final? It’s all that’s left.

Side bar: why is a boot considered a foreign object? He wore it into the ring and kicked Flair with it on multiple times. Why is it illegal when there isn’t a foot in it and presumably the shot would be weaker as legs are usually stronger than arms?

Crockett Cup Finals: Road Warriors vs. Magnum TA/Ronnie Garvin

All faces here. The winners also get a million dollars. Animal and Magnum get things going. We get some surprisingly quick stuff until Magnum takes over with a dropkick. Animal takes him down with a top wristlock and they trade arm work on the mat. Off to Hawk who puts on a chinlock….and they clip this match too. ARE YOU SERIOUS???? The whole show is about one freaking tournament and you give us a total of ONE MATCH THAT ISN’T CLIPPED??? ARE YOU KIDDING ME???

A middle rope splash misses and Garvin gets a small package for two. Off to Magnum who doesn’t have as much luck with Animal who stomps away on the US Champion. Off to Animal again and it’s chinlock time. Powerslam gets two as Magnum is in trouble. Magnum grabs the belly to belly for two as Hawk saves. Hot tag to Garvin and down he goes almost immediately.

Garvin tries an abdominal stretch on Hawk but punches Hawk instead. The problem with this is he punches Hawk so hard that he breaks his hand. I’m not sure if this is kayfabe or real but it doesn’t really matter either way as Animal hits a pretty weak clothesline on Garvin and gets a quick pin for the tournament win and the million bucks.

Rating: D+. Apparently Garvin’s hand was broken coming in. Imagine that: Ronnie Garvin does something stupid like HIT A GUY IN THE HEAD WHILE HE HAS A BROKEN HAND. Garvin’s team deserves to lose after that. This match was pretty boring and the ending didn’t help things at all. Nothing to see here other than the end of a long and boring show.

The Warriors get the check to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. OH man where do I begin with this one? The problem with this show comes down to one thing: four and a half hours. That’s the amount of ring time that this card would have had if the matches all got their full time shown. Now imagine that being put down into a two hour tape. That includes the time dedicated to the entrances, the graphics between matches, and the ending. Based on that alone, I think you know why this isn’t anything worth seeing. The other two tournaments can’t be this bad. I mean, it’s not possible. Without the clipping this would have been bad anyway.

 

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The Big Event
Date: August 28, 1986
Location: Exhibition Stadium, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Attendance: 70,000
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Jimmy Valiant, Ernie Ladd

You read the attendance right. This was by far and away the biggest crowd in North American history until about 8 months later when they got almost 20,000 more into the stands. This was about one match: Hulk Hogan vs. Paul Orndorff. This was actually a really big house show as it was before PPV really got going and therefore this was just what the title says: A Big Event.

As you know I know my old school but I can only think of one other match on the card: Roberts vs. Steamboat. This would have been Summerslam had Summerslam existed yet though as it was easily bigger than Mania 2 and wouldn’t be trumped until next year in the biggest event of all time. So with all that being said, let’s get to this.

The opening is Gene in a helicopter talking about how awesome Toronto is which is interspersed with clips of the show. The crowd is LOUD. This show is outside in case I forgot to mention that. I’ve heard between 65 and 74 thousand for the card but 70,000 is what I hear most. To put that into perspective, that’s more than Mania 6 or 17. This really does look freaking amazing.

Killer Bees vs. Hoss Funk/Jimmy Jack Funk

Hoss is more commonly known as Dory so we’ll go with that. Jimmy was a jobber and Dory was a former world champion. We get a wide shot and it just looks amazing. Dory and Brian Blair start us off. Jimmy does look a bit like Terry if nothing else. This has been all Bees so far.

Jimmy is wearing a mask for no apparent reason. Ernie Ladd never talks and it’s kind of annoying. The heels finally take over as I guess Dory just got bored out there. Ernie throws out this gem: he slammed him to the mat there with a move called a slam. That sums things up pretty well I’d say. The Bees put the masks on and cheat to get the win. There’s an echo on the mic which is cool for some reason.

Rating: C. This was fine for an opener. It wasn’t a bad tag match at all and it got the crowd into things which is really all you can ask for in a match like this. It definitely could have used a minute or so off in the middle though.

King Tonga vs. Don Muraco

Both are heels here and Tonga is more commonly known as Haku/Meng. He looks weird in regular tights too. I think he’s supposed to be a face but he’s just not popular at all. He’s also referred to as both King Tonga and Haku. He works on the arm, like a lot. I mean he works on that thing like there’s no freaking tomorrow.

We’re at about 5 minutes of just arm work. Valiant and Ladd are rather annoying men. And now we hit a two minute nerve hold. I have a bad feeling I know where this is going to go. Good grief this is just boring. Nothing of note happens for the better part of ever and then we have a time limit draw at about seventeen of the twenty minutes. This was a waste of time.

Rating: D+. I hate matches like these. Draws are fine, but dang man this was just freaking boring. Haku using a high cross body was cool though. Either way, this just wasn’t interesting at all.

Ted Arcidi vs. Tony Garea

Garea is replacing Tony Atlas. I don’t know much about Garea but I suddenly want to laugh quite a bit. Arcidi is a big power guy and Garea is just generic as possible. The ropes keep making this weird sound when they hit them. Arcidi legitimately held the world bench press record for years. There must be a fight or something going on as a ton of fans are all looking to see something as the ropes are really getting annoying. Garea taps to a bear hug soon after this.

Rating: N/A. This was a total squash and wasn’t that interesting. He would be gone in a few months while Garea still works for the company behind the scenes today.

Jimmy Hart says he’ll get JYD tonight.

Adrian Adonis vs. Junkyard Dog

It’s so cool to see the thousands of people and have a row cut out in there for the guys to come through. It looks completely awesome. Hart has a freaking feather duster for some reason. Adonis is rather gay in case you weren’t familiar with him. He’s also about 400lbs here.

About two years before this he was a big deal actually as a biker character. I love that Dog’s theme song is about grabbing a girl’s hips. Adonis is bleeding pretty badly already. Ok apparently not as I refuse to listen to Ernie Ladd anymore.

Jimmy sprays perfume or cologne or whatever in Dog’s face to break the momentum though and Adonis goes to work. Dog no sells two megaphone shots and they fight on the floor. The referee gets to about 8 and then we go into the ring and Adonis is thrown into Hart and falls BACK OUT OF THE RING after being completely in for the count out. I think they botched that one.

Rating: D+. This was a standard 80s match but I don’t get the ending at all. It wasn’t any good which I would blame on the wrestlers and JYD is an annoying waste of oxygen as it is so there we are. This was just filler.

Iron Mike Sharpe vs. Dick Slater

Oh yeah Slater is the rebel. No one cares. Sharpe is up there with Horowitz and Brawler in the jobbing hall of fame. Mike likes to talk a lot. The announcers talk about how great Sharpe is. Really? From what I’ve read he was completely OCD so having this many people in the audience must have driven him insane.

There really isn’t much here as it’s really a glorified squash for Slater who would never mean a thing in wrestling, at least not in this company. He was ok in other companies but he’s at his best in ring stuff here, which isn’t saying much at all.

Monsoon wants to know why Sharpe has had his arm in a cast kind of thing for over 8 years and Valiant just starts screaming at him that he should go out to dinner with Sharpe and ask him because Valiant doesn’t know. That came out of nowhere. Anyway, Slater hits an elbow from the top and jackknifes (it’s a king of rollup, not the powerbomb) him for the win.

Rating: D. Did we really need six minutes of these two guys? I certainly wouldn’t think so. This wasn’t interesting or particularly good but a jobber got beat up so there we are.

I think we had an intermission here.

Heenan is with Gene and he’s in a 6 man here. He says he’ll unmask the Machines tonight. He gets in a great line with “We have 70,000 people here because Heenan is wrestling and wrestling is Heenan.” He also manages to get the entire crowd chanting weasel.

Big Machine/Super Machine/Lou Albano vs. Big John Studd/King Kong Bundy/Bobby Heenan

Ah yes the Machines. Now this was the epitome of a comedy angle that took off for a little while. The idea was that Andre the Giant was suspended for (kayfabe) not showing up for a match. Soon thereafter two new masked guys from Japan appeared: Super Machine (Ax from Demolition) and Giant Machine (duh).

Over the Summer they feuded with Heenan, Studd and Bundy with guest appearances by Piper Machine, Animal Machine and Hulk Machine. It was total tongue in cheek, kind of like Mr. America with Hogan. They were eventually joined by Big Machine who was Blackjack Mulligan when Andre could barely move.

Andre was kind of the manager and only wrestled occasionally. The angle ended about two months after this to set up Mania 3. Anyway let’s get to this. We get a shot from the broadcast booth and the ring is TINY. Studd and Super Machine start us out. The Machines’ strength is freaking impressive.

Ax is by far and away the smallest one. What does that tell you? Gorilla says he’s been over 500 pounds before but at Mania 4 said the biggest he ever wrestled at was 440. I don’t want to live in a world where I can’t trust Gorilla Monsoon! Ok I’m back now I think.

With Big Machine down Heenan comes in and goes for the mask. Super Machine is like screw that and drills him. Bundy was just a big fat waste of oxygen. You can tell he was just thrown into Mania. Look where he was just 4 months later. Heenan comes in again and Albano comes in also.

Super Mario kicks his teeth in for a bit but a thumb in the eye and the heels beat up Albano. Andre has had enough and just comes in there and starts cleaning house which causes the DQ. He was just freaking terrifying when he got mad. Ax being the smallest guy by far is a freaky sight.

Rating: C-. It was a comedy match so that’s fine. The Machines were just a fun team so this worked fine. Andre was fun as anyone when he could move and this was no exception. It was nothing serious and it wasn’t supposed to be.

Jake Roberts vs. Ricky Steamboat

This is a Snakepit Match meaning anything goes. Roberts had DDTed Steamboat on the floor at a SNME and nearly killed him to ignite this feud which was the second biggest of the summer. Dragon had busted out a Komodo Dragon to counter Damien but neither are here tonight due to customs issues. The two commentators that talk say that the Canadian flag has an oak leaf on it.

Dragon dominates until we hit the floor where Jake takes over after a low blow. Steamboat gets a few chair shots in and that just was weird to type. Dragon just beats the heck out of him for awhile but gets reversed and goes over the top to the floor. Valiant thinks Roberts is a champion for some reason. Roberts is one of those guys that was supposed to be a heel but more or less became a face through just pure fan support.

Dragon starts bleeding after going into the post but fights out of the DDT. Jake is dominating now and getting face pops for it. And then he sits on Dragon’s chest and holds his arm up and you know the rest. They would have another match in a few weeks on SNME with the animals that I reviewed last night to close out the feud.

Rating: B. This was a very intense match. Street fights and the like simply didn’t happen in this era so this was insane at the time. Both guys were great workers so this worked out very well. Steamboat was about to have his throat messed up by Savage and you know the aftermath of that.

Billy Jack Haynes vs. Hercules

As you may know this one happened at Mania 3 as well. Gorilla is on his own for this one which is likely the best case scenario. Hercules has the insane hair here, looking like Mike Knox but not as tall and we’re told that since this has happened Slick has taken over for Blassie’s contracts.

What that has to do with this match is beyond me as neither guy ever managed either of them that I remember. Heenan had Hercules by Mania. What a nice break it is to just have Monsoon talking as he is just so easy to listen to. Apparently Hercules is managed by Slick.

OH YEAH I remember Heenan buying him now. Slick owned him for like a cup of coffee I guess. There’s no heat at all for this match as the fans are just dead. To be fair though this is like the 8th match so far. Also based on what everyone has said it’s really cold in the stadium. Haynes gets a backslide to get a quick pin.

Rating: C-. The lack of heat just killed this and I can’t blame them. No one cared at all and it just wasn’t that interesting. Both guys would mean very little until Hercules got a mini push in the following year or two. Boring match though.

Fabulous Rougeaus vs. Dream Team

The Dream Team is Valentine and Beefcake who Valiant usually manages. The Rougeaus are wearing red for some reason. Oh great and Valentine is too. We get an abdominal stretch and naturally Monsoon complains. The Rougeaus are one of those teams that just flows so well that it’s amazing to say the least. They’re also great high fliers that can just show off, kind of like the Hardys or something like that. Good night there are a lot of people there.

This is your standard 80s tag match which means that it’s pretty good. Beefcake just sucked back I the day though and this is no exception. He would be replaced by Bravo at Mania 3. After a very long and drawn out match which thankfully got enough time, we hit the brawl and Valentine has the figure four. In a SWEET ending, the illegal Rougeau gets a sunset flip on him as he bends over to put the hold back on for the pin. I love that.

Rating: B-. This was another fun and good match that did its job well. It’s the second longest match of the night after the draw from earlier and it’s one of the better ones on the card. It was solid but the really needed to get Bravo out there ASAP. Valiant is ticked off over that ending.

Harley Race vs. Pedro Morales

They’re both old and they’re both fat. They’re also rather slow and it’s not interesting at all anymore. The main event is next so this is likely Hogan’s effort to make people forget the previous good match so that he looks good next. He did it to the whole company in about 8 years with WCW. The referees have more or less sucked all night as they never count fast enough. Race gets a double leg trip and uses the ropes for the easy pin.

Rating: N/A. This was just a filler to put some space between the two matches that were good and nothing more.

Hogan says he’ll win.

WWF Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Paul Orndorff

This is the hottest feud in the world as Orndorff had turned face to help Hogan with Piper and Orton but Hogan had more or less been a jerk (I don’t know about you but I’m STUNNED over that) to him and wouldn’t answer the phone when he was working out. Heenan then poked Orndorff into believing that Hogan didn’t ever care about him but that Heenan always would.

Orndorff, wanting to be accepted and not used, turned to the dark side and beat up Hogan at a big show to set up this which launched the hottest feud in perhaps ever at this point. This was the only reason that this whole show happened on such a huge stage, much like Hogan vs. Andre. The only difference here is that there wasn’t a Savage vs. Steamboat to balance it out. Also, Mania would have nearly 20,000 more people, or another Madison Square Garden on top of this. That’s just completely ridiculous.

They start off with just a big freaking brawl and the fans are WAY into this. This is more or less all punching and chasing until Heenan makes the stop and the heel takes over. Orndorff was a different kind of heel as instead of this big fat slob, he was small and athletic which was something new for Hogan. Also there were a lot of people that were siding with Orndorff as Hogan had really just been a massive jerk to him.

Ladd really likes kissing up to Hogan. He’s getting into Vince territory, but then again Hogan has muscles and Vince is way too obsessed with musclemen. GOOD NIGHT that referee is slow. Paul dominates until Hogan starts to Hulk Up. He uses a jumping knee to the back of Orndorff and the referee is crushed. Hogan imitates Orndorff with the arm in the air for the clothesline which is how Orndorff turned on him.

He goes for Orndorff’s piledriver but Heenan runs in with a wooden stool to blast Hogan in the head. Why he had that is beyond me. For no apparent reason the referee wakes up and taps Orndorff to say that Hogan wins by DQ. Hogan wakes up and kicks his face in for no apparent reason other than being a jerk. We get a replay with no commentary for no apparent reason before posing and credits take us out.

Rating: B-. This was all about the atmosphere and not about the match itself. Even still this was fine as both guys were over beyond belief in their respective roles and this was indeed a huge match. Hogan going over unclean was smart as it gave Orndorff a reason for a rematch which was required so all was fine here. I’m not sure I get why Paul was disqualified but it was Hogan’s world so there we are.

Overall Rating: D+. It’s definitely recommended though. This was a lot like Mania 3 where the main event was the only selling point to this but that’s all it needed. 70,000 people was just completely unheard of back then so this was light years ahead of anything ever seen before and still ranks right up there for all time crowds.

The main event is awesome for feeling if nothing else and while the rest of the card sucks, the crowd gives it the atmosphere that makes it worth seeing. Think of this as a rehearsal for Wrestlemania before you watch it, which you should as it’s a fun show if you’re an old school fan.

Wrestlemania 2
Date: April 7, 1986
Location: Nassau Coliseum-New York, Rosemont Horizon-Chicago, Illinois, Sports Arena-Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 40,085 combined for all three venues
Commentators: New York – Vince McMahon, Susan St. James. Chicago – Gorilla Monsoon, Gene Okerlund, Cathy Lee Crosby, Ernie Ladd. Los Angeles – Jesse Ventura, Alfred Hayes, Elvira
America The Beautiful: Ray Charles

This show is the classic what the heck were thinking moment from the WWF. They had made Wrestlemania the year before and they hit it so far out of the park that by the time it was Wrestlemania 2 the ball hadn’t come down yet. This was a problem though. Since the inaugural show had been such a success, Vince felt they had to do something to top it. This was his idea: what if we did Wrestlemania from 3 different places??? Think about that for a minute. How weird would that be?

Not to mention, Vince had another idea: let’s put it on a Monday! Again, just awkward sounding. The format used was three locations, each with an undercard and then a featured match, which were a boxing match, a battle royal, and the true main event, Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy in a steel cage.

The idea was odd on paper and worse in reality as it felt like watching three shows instead of one. There’s no rhythm and because it was in three locations, announcers were a rare commodity. Due to this, Vince’s last idea was to put a real commentator together with celebrities to do the commentary. What followed might be the biggest mess in company history.

Paul Orndorff vs. Don Muraco

We begin the show in New York City with Paul Orndorff against Don Muraco. Why are they fighting? I don’t have a freaking clue but they are so here we go. As they begin we hear comments from both and neither have anything to say of meaning.

Orndorff is easily the face here so if he never accomplished anything else in his career, the face turn between Manias one and two was effective. As was predicted, the celebrity commentator is atrocious, with such gems like “I think he’s winning!” Orndorff controls the early part of the match but Muraco breaks it up with some power. They roll outside and we get a double count out as the crowd clearly can be heard chanting bull.

Rating: D+. Fine for what it was, but the fans got it right with their chants. This is the opening match to Wrestlemania? Seriously? That’s the best they could come up with? This feud more or less never went anywhere at all as Orndorff was about to get the biggest push of his career by far, resulting in him making about $20,000 a week for awhile. This was just an odd choice for an opening match but then again this was an odd choice for a show so I guess it fits.

Intercontinental Title: George Steele vs. Randy Savage

Next up the intercontinental title is on the line as Randy Savage defends against George Steele. This is a match that I can’t find a standalone version of so I can’t put this one in here. However, this was another chapter in the over year long feud between these two. Savage had been allegedly mistreating Liz and Steele had developed a crush on her. That led to, what else, Savage being jealous and a 15 month feud began.

Mega stall from Savage to start as he seems afraid of Steele. Savage runs again and finally on the third time Steele goes after him. They finally lock up and Steele beats Savage up for a while with power moves and biting but Steele keeps going to talk to Liz. This was a weird period for Savage as they knew they had a gem with him but they didn’t know what to do with him. Yeah he was the IC champion, but where did they go with him from there?

This was all they had until the next year when he and Steamboat stole the show and Savage was launched into the main event. For some reason Savage has a bouquet of flowers that he and Steele try to beat each other up with. After ripping apart a turnbuckle and eating the stuffing (not making that up) Steele gets slammed and elbowed, but he kicks out?

Yes, George Steele is the first man to kick out of the elbow, and he pops up, beats on Savage some more and then gets rolled up and Savage uses the ropes to pin him. Steele eats more stuffing.

Rating: C-. This was a comedy match I think with wrestling mixed in. Savage is the highlight here as he sells like crazy for Steele and it helps a lot. These two had this freaky chemistry that no one has ever been able to really figure out. They would feud on and off for the next year before FINALLY ending it with the return of Ricky Steamboat for that whole greatest match of all time thing he and Savage would have next year.

Jake Roberts vs. George Wells

We follow up that strange match with another somewhat strange match as Jake Roberts, still a rookie here, takes on some guy named George Wells. This match is little more than a glorified squash. Wells dominates early but doesn’t go for a pin when he has the chance. Jake recovers and DDTs him to win the match. Afterwards he unleashes Damien who causes Wells to look like he’s foaming at the mouth.

Rating: D+. Talk about a weird choice to have on Wrestlemania. Jake was brand new at this point so they needed someone to make him look good and they pick….George Wells? There was a squash on Mania for the first two years and both times they were the least interesting match on the card. I don’t get the selection here for the most part and it’s pretty bad all things considered.

Boxing Match: Mr. T vs. Roddy Piper

We now move onto the main event of the New York portion of the show: a boxing match with Roddy Piper and Mr. T. This was built up on SNME about 2 months before hand with Mr. T. beating Piper’s friend Bob Orton in a boxing match before being beaten down by both of them. That came on from what started over a year ago in the main event of the first Wrestlemania, so this truly was a showdown that had been built up for ages.

Factor in that T had been the World Boxing Champion in Rocky 3 just a few years ago and was on a top rated TV show where he was a tough guy. Both men have famous trainers in their corners to make it look more legit.  For no apparent reason Joan Rivers does the ring announcing.  This is ten three minute rounds.  She introduces Orton as the Ace Comedy Bob Orvin.  Nice job of handling the reading thing honey.

They actually got Smoking Joe Frazier to be in T’s corner.  One of the biggest stars in Hollywood has in his corner a former world heavyweight champion who had three of the best boxing matches in history with Muhammad Ali.  He also has a midget.  Well of course he does.  They treat this like a real boxing match.  Oh dear.

T goes for the ribs which doesn’t work all that well for him.  Piper hits him on the break which is illegal of course.  There has been no mention of judges or anything like that so I guess this is destined to not go the distance.  The referee has broken them up about four times now.  I think these are three minute rounds.  For the most part these punches aren’t landing at all but they sell them anyway of course.

It’s not so much boxing but rather glorified grappling with the occasional punch thrown.  The fans are more or less dead if you didn’t guess that.  After the first round nothing has really happened.  Piper has a bunch of grease on his face for the second round which is keeping the punches from T from being effective.

This is painfully boring if I didn’t make that clear so far.  Piper knocks the heck out of T with some big roundhouses and finally drops him to huge cheers because something HAPPENED for a change.  The knockdown gets a count of 8.  Piper keeps pounding on him as round two ends.  They brawl a bit during the break and Orton throws water at T.

Piper does the Ali Shuffle to start the third round.  T gets him into the corner and pounds away with more or less open hand shots to the head and Piper is in trouble.  That gets a count of 7.  T gets a huge punch that I think hit so of course Piper is knocked to the floor.  He gets up at 9 and then holds onto T for the last 25 seconds of the fight.

They just trade big bombs to start the fourth round.  And then he punches the referee and slams T for the DQ about a minute into the fourth round.  It’s a bit brawl and T of course gets the win.  Was there a reason for both that ending and also having Piper dominate a round like that?  This was awful.

Rating: F. On WRESTLEmania they had a long boxing match.  This was just boring beyond belief and the boxing looked awful.  They tried to make this seem legit and it failed on more than all levels.  T was never seen again and Piper turned face relatively soon after taking time off for knee surgery.  Boring match and awful beyond belief.

Chicago

Women’s Title: Fabulous Moolah vs. Velvet McIntyre

We start with the Women’s Title on the line as Moolah defends against Velvet McIntyre. This match is just weird. Moolah dominates, Velvet comes back and then misses a splash allowing Moolah to pin her. It screams botched finish to me as even the announcers seem surprised.

Rating: N/A. Just was nothing at all and might have gone a minute. Little to rate here so I won’t even try to.

Nikolai Volkoff vs. Corporal Kirschner

Now we have a flag match with Nikolai Volkoff against the forgotten Corporal Kirschner. Yeah I don’t remember him either. The winner gets to have their flag waved. Other than that it’s a standard one on one match. As usual, Nikolai sings the Russian National Anthem before the match starts. Nikolai dominates early on, ramming Kirschner into the post twice and busting him open. I kid you not, Kirschner lands 7 right hands, catches Freddy Blassie’s cane and hits Nikolai with it to win the match.

Rating: D-. This was supposed to be a brawl but it was a bad match. 7 punches and a cane shot? Give me a break. Kirschner is apparently one of the most legit tough guys in the history of the business and got thrown out of most major companies for being too rough. Based on this and his match at the Wrestling Classic I’d assume it’s due to a high level of suck but that’s just me. This was just barely long enough to warrant a rating and it wasn’t any good at all.

Battle Royal

Now we get the most famous match from this show: a 20 man battle royal with ten pro football players and 10 wrestlers. This is going to go GREAT. Since most of you won’t know half the people in this I’m not going to list them all until the end. The big names are a still rookie Bret Hart, Andre the Giant, Big John Studd and Bruno Sammartino. For the most part this is a run of the mill battle royal.

It’s little more than a bunch of punching and kicking against the ropes as we get down to the big names. Oddly enough the celebrity commentator is the only one that gets anything right. Gorilla says stuff like Studd has this guy in the corner when they’re almost in the middle of the ring, or Ernie Ladd who was a wrestler saying no one wants Andre when he’s beating someone up. Amazing.

The only really famous thing in this match is a football player named William the Refrigerator Perry getting eliminated by Studd but then offering a handshake and eliminating him. The Iron Sheik eliminates Hillbilly Jim just as he would in the gimmick battle royal 15 years later at WM 17. The final four are the Hart Foundation, a football player and Andre. Do I need to really give the details on this? Andre beats up the Harts to win the match after launching Bret out in a press slam.

Rating: B. It’s a bunch of football players and 80s wrestlers with a few great workers. Nothing special, but considering what they had to work with this is just fine. The football stuff didn’t lead anywhere which is kind of surprising as they set up a Fridge vs. Studd thing that never happened at all that I know of. This was just ok and at least the right guy won it. Andre would of course be in the biggest match of all time the next year.

Tag Titles: British Bulldogs vs. The Dream Team

Now we have what is likely the best match of the whole show. It’s a classic 80s tag match with the British Bulldogs, and Ozzy Osbourne in their corner for God alone knows why to face the tag team champions of the Dream Team Brutus Beefcake and Greg Valentine. You can tell they’re serious here as this has a sixty minute time limit.

The ring looks small here for some reason.  Gorilla asks why Ozzy is there too which means he’s confused like I am.  There are two referees here which I doubt will mean anything for the most part.  Smith vs. Valentine to get up.  The ring is all loud here still.

The Bulldogs were so fast with those tags and this is no exception at all.  Valentine won’t tag out for no apparent reason.  He counters a backdrop though and here’s Beefcake.  Small package by Dynamite get two.  Fisherman’s suplex by Davey gets two.  I guess he’s not perfect.  After Davey gets beaten on for a bit Dynamite comes in and slugs it out with Valentine.

The champions cheat a bit and they still can’t take over.  I never got the appeal of the Dream Team but to be fair it might be that Brutus was just awful at this point.  Valentine gets a Piledriver on Dynamite but falls forward so it kind of looks like a tombstone but with Dynamite’s stomach facing out.  That was kind of cool looking.

Bulldogs clear the ring as things speed up a bit.  Davey gets the powerslam for two as it wasn’t a finisher but just a signature move at the time.  The champions work over Davey as momentum changes hands a lot here tonight.  They work over the arm, including with a shoulderbreaker from Valentine.

However he shows his idiocy by pulling Davey up at two.  Nice job you lunkhead.  And there’s the idiocy coming through as for no apparent reason Dynamite gets on the middle rope and Davey rams Valentine’s head into Kid’s for the knockout shot and falls on Valentine for the pin and the titles.  That ending came from NOWHERE and Dynamite is out cold from the shot which is kind of amusing for some reason.  That’s Albano’s 16^th title win as a manager.  Hokey smoke.

Rating: B-. Fun stuff but the ending was just so freaking random.  I don’t get the ending as it was like they looked at the clock and realized they had no time left and were like oh crap we need to finish this.  The Bulldogs were a good team and were a huge step up from the Dream Team.  They would lose them to the Harts in about 8-9 months so the tag division was starting to roll at this point.

Los Angeles

Ricky Steamboat vs. Hercules Hernandez

We move to the final and by far the worst of the three locations as we’re now in LA, beginning with Ricky Steamboat against Hercules Hernandez. This was supposed to be Bret vs. Ricky in the big showdown match for Mania. I’m not sure what the showdown would be for since for all intents and purposes they had no feud that I know of but a little face on face action never hurt anyone, even though Bret wasn’t a face at the time so scratch that line.

They start off kind of fast but not fast enough for anything to mean much. This was a different era so matches like these were really commonplace. There’s no feud or anything here and Hercules is just a big power guy that had been given a fairly decent push so he’s getting to fight one of the best guys in the company at one of the biggest shows of the year.

There is almost nothing to say here though as I’ve been watching for a few minutes and nothing has happened at all. Well at least nothing worth talking about that is. Hercules goes for the backbreaker as this is before the Full Nelson made him the original Chris Masters. Relatively standard Steamboat match which means it’s at least passable. Herc is the big powerhouse that beats the tar out of Ricky, makes one mistake and the Dragon makes his comeback. The flying body press ends things as always.

Rating: C-. And that’s almost all for Steamboat. I liked Hercules for some reason but for the life of me I don’t get the point in having him be considered a better prospect than Bret was. This was the epitome of a throwaway match with nothing special at all going on in it and nothing of note to talk about really. I sat there for minutes at a time with nothing of note so I apologize for the most history based match here.

Adrian Adonis vs. Uncle Elmer

Now for the odd match of the night, we have Adrian Adonis, playing a controversial gay gimmick at the time, against Uncle Elmer, a fat hillbilly character. The crowd chants a certain homosexual slur at Adonis to start the match which he prances around the ring to.

This match is slow and mostly painful as the smaller man in the match weighs about 350lbs. When he’s your agile guy, you know this isn’t going anywhere. Elmer punches him and literally falls off his feet from it. Quite sad actually. Adonis has his dress, yes dress ripped off and it’s just hideous. Elmer beats on him some more but misses a leg drop. Adonis hits a top rope headbutt and gets the pin.

Rating: N/A. I never got the appeal of either of these characters and thankfully Elmer wasn’t around much longer. Naturally he got a tape mainly about him and his family because that’s the way the 80s went.

Junkyard Dog/Tito Santana vs. The Funks

In the next to last match of the night, we have the Funks against JYD and Tito Santana. This is another filler match that had no point at all other than two faces against a heel team. This is a much slower paced match as they do more old school stuff in there. Terry vs. Tito starts us off so we’re certainly getting things started off on the right foot here.

You have three guys that belong in the Hall of Fame and JYD who is in there because he was popular in the 80s making him a LEGEND. I still don’t like him but he’s more bearable than some people I can’t stand. This is definitely a different style than most are used to. I’d like a bit more explanation as to why they’re fighting but I think It’s 1986 is about as close as we’re going to get. Tito dominates for the most part here, hammering away on both Funks. He was completely awesome at this point if you didn’t get that.

Off to the Dog now and we get some boxing. A Texas man lost a fight to a dog. Don’t bother going back to Amarillo I guess Terry. Someone please explain the appeal to me of the Dog as I just don’t get it at all and never have. Dory plays Ricky Morton which just sounds wrong and gets beaten on in the corner for a bit. The forearm gets two as I guess Tito didn’t have it perfected yet.

Control shifts over to the crazy men and they beat down Tito for awhile as he’s really playing Ricky Morton. That still sounds wrong. After a few minutes of basic offense from the Funks JYD comes back in and everything goes nuts. Terry is thrown to the floor where there are no mats. He might have legitimately hurt his knee or ankle there and I’m not surprised at all. With the referee not looking, Terry clocks the Dog with the Megaphone (Jimmy was managing them which I forgot to mention) and the heels steal one.

Rating: B-. Pretty fun match here with the Funks being all evil and the thrown together face team doing whatever they could to get the win. Granted that didn’t happen but at least they tried. This was a better match than I remember it being and while it’s still mainly formula stuff it worked rather well. I liked it and granted three of the guys being all time greats helps a bit.

WWF World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. King Kong Bundy

This is a cage match and the only one in Mania history if you don’t count the Cell match at Mania 15 which most people don’t. The story behind this is Bundy jumped Hogan at a SNME and hurt his ribs, which hadn’t healed yet. Hogan wrestled against doctor’s orders with tape all over his ribs. Simple but effective but kind of too simple as this was more or less thrown together about a month ago.

This is a very not surprising match with Bundy going for the ribs and Hogan having to fight through the pain. It’s solid because it’s Hogan doing what he does best but the total and complete lack of drama or anyone really caring for the most part is hurting it. Also having Jesse as lead announcer is a very odd choice.

Bundy rips the tape off of Hogan’s ribs like a good heel and Hogan messes up as always by trying to pick Bundy up and of course he can’t do it. There’s nothing special going on here at all but it’s working for the most part. Ah there’s the Hulk Up. Very surprisingly we get a power slam here and not the traditional slam. Maybe his ribs really were hurt. He ties up Bundy and goes over the top to retain and end the show.

Rating: B-. It’s Hogan against a monster heel not named Andre. What are you expecting here? This was his bread and butter and the fans popped for the end (only) so I guess you can call this a success. I’m a sucker for Hogan matches in the 80s so I’d say there’s probably some bias in the rating but who cares? Fairly solid match but nothing unique about it at all other than the cage aspect.

Overall rating: C+. While certainly better in the ring than the first Mania and including some storylines this time, the three venues thing is just a mess. There’s really only two or three very good matches here and I’d call maybe the tag title match Mania worthy. Other than that there’s a lot of filler and it’s more or less 1-2 big matches per location with the rest being all filler.

This show suffers from trying to do something that had never been done before, and while they did indeed do that the overlooked one major point: the new thing they did wasn’t a good idea. It’s really not that good of a show overall. Watch the highlights if you want to, but don’t waste three hours watching it from start to end.