I know a lot of sites do this but I’m a site so why not me too? Every day I’ll be posting a review of a Rumble all the way up until the 2012 show. Hope you like them.

We have arrived at the first of the Big Four PPVs, the Royal Rumble. This is one of the true unique matches in wrestling as there isn’t another match like this. Yes it’s a battle royal, but it’s distinct from others are we have the time intervals. In case you’ve never seen one of these, the rules are simple. You have 30 men (twenty in the first one) in total with two starting it off.

Every two minutes thereafter (with a few exceptions in some years) another person comes in. The only way to be eliminated is to be thrown over the top rope with both feet touching the floor. The last man standing wins, and beginning with the 1993 match, the winner received the world title shot at Wrestlemania, making this in a way something like the semifinals of a season with the finals being at Mania.

As usual, this has a backstory attached to it involving Vince vs. Crockett. The NWA had a show called Bunkhouse Stampede, which was somehow worse than it sounds. Vince decided to give away a PPV level card (in his head at least) for free. The Royal Rumble was that show.

In something that amuses me greatly, Vince would be TICKED when the NWA did the exact same thing on March 27, airing the first Clash of the Champions, which really was a PPV caliber show at the same time as Wrestlemania 4, which this is the buildup show for. Anyway, the series has produced some great moments, primarily due to the idea of the iron man record, which is how long people can last in the match.

It’s something that’s just cool to think about while really having no significance at all. The record is over an hour by a few people but we’ll get to that later on. Other than that, it’s really just a great novelty act that only comes once a year and never gets old to me. That’s very hard to do, but it works. I have no idea how the reviews of these matches are going to go, but I’m looking forward to it. Let’s get to it.

As always, I hope you guys call me out on anything you disagree with. Keep in mind that these are simply my thoughts as I watch the shows. I very well may be wrong about every opinion I have on them, so if you think I am, then bring it up. That’s what these are for at the end of the day: getting people talking, which I’ve done enough of now, so let’s get to…more of me talking.

Royal Rumble 1988
Date: January 24, 1988
Location: Copps Coliseum, Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Attendance: 18,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jesse Ventura

Here we go with the first ever Rumble. This wasn’t actually on PPV but rather a special on USA, similar to Saturday Night’s Main Event in a way. The idea was invented by Pat Patterson, and that’s about all there is to say on that aspect of it. Since this was a TV special, it only has four matches on it, which to be fair is the same amount on the first Survivor Series. The Rumble here has twenty men in it, most of which are midcard guys.

There are two other things going on with this show other than the matches. First of all we have a contract signing for Hogan and Andre II, which took place two days after my birthday. Also, Dino Bravo is going to try to bench press 715lbs, which would be a world’s record. With all that said, let’s get to the first ever Royal Rumble, which certainly is a historic thing when you think about it.

Vince and Jesse talk about the show, which sounds ok at best, but that doesn’t really mean a lot.

Rick Rude vs. Ricky Steamboat

This was a great feud in WCW in about four years, but it never took off in the WWF for some reason. Ricky, not Rick mind you, would be gone very soon. He wanted time off to be with his newborn son, but it didn’t happen so he went to WCW and had some of the best matches of all time with Ric Flair. So Ricky and Rick are fighting here before Ricky leaves to go fight Ric. I’m glad we’ve got that cleared up.

Rude just got here recently, so there’s very little known about him. I’ll never get tired of seeing Steamboat skin the cat. It just looks awesome every single time. Ventura always seemed like he had a man crush on Rude, which was just funny to me. There’s really no point to this match other than just having a match for the sake of having a match, which isn’t something I agree with but it’s fine I suppose.

You have two great wrestlers so it means the match should be good. It’s classic 80s heel vs. face stuff, so what more do you want. That being said, this is fairly boring to start. It’s fine from a technical standpoint, but it’s a bit bland. Dragon’s armdrags help that out though, as I could watch him do those all day. Granted I’d be bored out of my mind doing so, but I could do it. Steamboat is really good at being able to keep the crowd into a very standard match.

That’s a talent that very few people ever could have, and Steamboat is one of the best ever at it. I mean, he’s working on the arm of Rude, which is some of the most standard stuff you can do and he’s making it interesting looking at least. He’s doing mainly arm work and the crowd is reacting to it. That’s all you can ask for. During this first part of the match we keep hearing a woman’s voice over and over again.

It’s not something that’s supposed to be there either. Jimmy Hart never managed Rude, at least not that I can remember, and Steamboat’s wife who occasionally came to the ring with him, so I have no clue who that is. However, once a camera swings around, we see that a woman has brought a bullhorn with her, more commonly known as a megaphone. Oh this is going to be a long match isn’t it?

And now this is just getting boring. It’s going on way too long here and Steamboat just botched taking an elbow BADLY. I mean it looked horrid, which isn’t something I can ever remember saying about him. I want to hurt that woman with the megaphone. Oh look, it’s ANOTHER armbar, but the fans are cheering it to an extent. At least there’s some psychology being used and he’s adding in more stuff to the arm to switch it up a bit. That’s nice to see.

Now if only the arm plays into the finish later on, we’ll have an actual story being told instead of just most of one which is what happens far more and far too often. Rude can’t pose because of the arm, and the woman thinks it’s just SO funny. The fans really do love Steamboat. They’re cheering wildly for simple punches and chops. That’s saying a lot. Rude goes to the really bad version of a camel clutch.

It’s the kind where he just sits on Steamboat’s back and puts his hands on his face which is supposed to be effective somehow. Thankfully that lasts about ten seconds. Oh never mind it’s back on. Dang I can’t stand teases like that. Steamboat slaps the mat which would be considered a tap out today, but obviously this is way too early for that. Rude really wasn’t that good at this time in his career.

He’s rather young and doesn’t have a lot of stuff in his arsenal and it’s rather boring. Somehow we’re discussing Vince putting his fingers up people’s nostrils. You can tell the announcers are rather bored at this point. This match is relying on rest holds such as this chin lock far too much. Yeah they’re actually still in it. At least with Steamboat he worked on the arm which makes sense.

It takes away the Rude Awakening and while you can argue that the clutch takes away Steamboat’s movement, it’s just boring looking. Ricky (again, not Rick but Ricky) mixed up his offense and used strikes and holds on the arm to at least keep it moving. That’s a major perk if nothing else. To their credit, the crowd has stayed rather hot the whole time. They really did love Steamboat. DANG that bridge was pretty from Dragon.

They speed it up all of a sudden and now it’s good. Steamboat goes up for the cross body but Rude pulls the referee in the way of it. I’m not sure if Rude was using the Rude Awakening yet, as he gets Steamboat up in an Argentinean Body Vice, which is where you put a guy on your shoulder and pull down. Jesse says Steamboat just got a Rude Awakening, so there’s your finisher name.

Rude would be with Heenan by the time Mania rolled around and would be somewhat better. He leaves celebrating but Vince gives away the DQ ending by mistake just before it happens. Nice going BOSS. Rude is a bit angry to say the least as we go to commercial. That’s just weird to say.

Rating: C+. This was something that didn’t need nearly twenty minutes. The problem was in all the rest holds and Rude simply wasn’t ready for a seventeen minute match yet. Steamboat didn’t help things with the arm work, but to be fair Rude forgot about it maybe two minutes after he was done. The crowd was into it, but it was just barely ok. The ending sucked too.

It’s time for the bench press attempt. Ventura talks about what we’re about to see while insulting Gene at the same time. Bravo, the Canadian, gets an interesting reception. We get a promo from his manager, Frenchy Martin. It’s in French naturally so I have no clue what he said and I can’t make fun of him. Since we only have four matches, we have time for a warm up of 415lbs first. Wait, Bravo wants it to be silent.

I’ll give you two guesses as to how that goes. He does the 415 ten times as we set up another 90 to make it 505 as Frenchy talks some more. There’s no angle or comedy angle or anything like that going on here. Bravo is just lifting weights. The fans, shockingly, are booing. He speeds this set up a bit by only doing eight reps of it. Gene is despately trying to make this seem epic and is failing completely.

We’re up to 555 now, and it’s just the same thing: Bravo wants the people to be quiet, he stalls, he lifts it, and more weight is added. What’s the point of this thing? Gene is trying to do like a commentary thing here and it’s dull to no end. Bravo can’t do it because there’s too much noise. Ventura waists more time by saying be quiet and Gene asks for silence. Bravo does about six reps here (they should all be red) and again asks for silence.

This is just idiotic as we’re at about ten minutes. Yes, ten minutes is being wasted on this. Were there no jobbers available for people to squash? It’s 595 this time as Bravo hates noise. Wouldn’t the time here have been better spent in like, a match for Bravo? This is obviously supposed to be used to get him over but it’s not working. I’d assume it would work better with actual wrestling, but I don’t know enough about the finer points of the game I guess.

Again, the same formula is used but this time we have another French promo. He does three reps as Gene says how awesome Bravo is. Who really thought this would be a good idea? Remember there’s no Titantron or anything, so the people can see a spotlight on something, but for the most part they can’t see a freaking thing. We’re at 655 pounds now so at least we’re close to being done.

I love also how there’s no judge or official to determine that this would be a record or anything like that also. The booing is ridiculous now so Ventura and Bravo yell at McMahon, who allegedly was just a commentator at this time so that was odd. Hey he got 655 up! We’re over seventeen minutes now as Jesse says that this is unofficial because the bar will have to be weighed later. So wait, this might not count anyway? Give me a break guys.

This is beyond moronic and has been from the start, but supposed someone hit their head and thinks this is interesting. We don’t even get to know the results until later on? WOW and you people wonder why people popped so huge for Hogan and Savage. They were the only interesting things on these shows. Again: be quiet. He lays down but gets back up once again demanding silence. Oh come on now. He’s walking away now and Martin is trying to calm him down.

Jesse asks the people if they want to see a world record. Crowd: NO! Jesse ignores this of course. They waste a minute getting Bravo calmed down and we’re hopefully at the end of this. Jesse helps him do it by grabbing the bar. He would claim to have gotten it clean with Jesse saying he only put two pounds of finger pressure in it. This went on over twenty minutes, as in longer than the opening match. If anyone can explain the mindset of Vince for doing this, I’ll get you a ham sandwich.

Women’s Tag Titles: Jumping Bomb Angels vs. Glamour Girls

This is 2/3 falls. The Women’s Tag Titles did indeed exist. Much like he did with Moolah’s Title, Vince bought them from the NWA and gave them to the Glamour Girls who allegedly won them in Egypt. I think it was billed as a double main event and shown on a split screen with Patterson winning the Intercontinental Title in Rio. It happened blast it! Anyway, the Glamour Girls are old and annoying, but the Bomb Angles are freaking AWESOME.

At Survivor Series when they beat up the Glamour Girls, Jesse said they were like watching Savage or Steamboat or Dynamite Kid and he couldn’t be more correct. I’ve made no secret of the fact that I’m not a fan of women’s wrestling, but I’ve been looking forward to this match as I’ve never seen it, so you’ll be getting a legitimate fresh review here from me.

More or less this is just housekeeping at this point, as everyone knows the Angels are winning here. I’m not going to try to spell the Angels’ last names properly time after time, but the Glamour Girls are Judy Martin and Lelani Kai. Only the Angels get entrances. These belts were defended maybe twice or so in the six and a half years they were around and no one noticed when they were retired.

These two are like Lita vs. Moolah or something like that. For the sake of simplicity, the Angels will be named Red and Pink based on their attire. All four are wearing what would be described as one piece swimsuits for attire which aren’t flattering at all. Jesse and Vince are arguing about weightlifting and Jesse implies that Vince has never lifted one. That’s another of those moments that are ironic given what we know now.

Vince doesn’t know the names of the Angels either. OH MY GOODNESS! Vince says for lack of anything better, let’s call one Pink and one Red. I called that first Vince! I don’t care if I wouldn’t be born for another ten days. That was MY idea. That’s either awesome or scary as I’m thinking the same way Vince does. The Angels are just flat out destroying the Glamour Girls here as they look about as worthless as Vince is on commentary.

DAng man at least know the names of your talent. His excuse is he doesn’t speak Japanese. What difference does that make? If I walk into an Italian restaurant I can order spaghetti and I don’t speak Italian. It’s a word and you match it with a color. How hard is that?

Pink using the split legged move that Jeff Hardy used a lot. The Angels remind me of the Hardys actually with their continuity. In a very cool spot, both have a leg of one of the Glamour Girls and pull on her as the other Girl pulls from the other side. The Angels win and the Glamour Girl that’s standing more or less winds up doing a headbutt onto her partner. It looked cool.

The Angels are embarrassing the champions at this point as the Girls more or less can only do bare bones level stuff while the Angels, although a bit sloppy at times, are all over the place with varieties of offense that look very great. Like I said they’re not perfect, but man alive they’re fun to watch. They’re not boring like most of the women wrestlers around this time period. It’s like the situation in the Winter Olympics a few years ago with the French judge.

One of the teams did a very basic routine perfectly and the other team did a ridiculously hard routine nearly perfectly. As far as execution goes here, the Glamour Girls are likely better, but they’re nowhere near the level the Angels are at here. Jimmy Hart rubbing one of the Glamour Girls’ calves to get the circulation back into it is funny stuff. Oh I almost forgot: the woman with the bullhorn has had it taken away or has been told to stop using it THANK GOODNESS!

The Girls win the first fall using a fairly cool looking move. Martin sets for a powerbomb but instead shoves Red over her head. Big Show used this for awhile which he called the Alley-Oop. We take a quick commercial break between falls and when we come back we ring the bell. I like that. All of a sudden Vince knows the name of the Pink Angel. Well thanks for getting it seven minutes into the match buddy.

She goes for the same finishing move again after a big brawl but Red gets a sunset flip out of it instead to tie us up. We hit another commercial and upon returning we run down the Andre/Hogan contract signing and the Rumble very quickly before the bell rings. I’m most impressed here as the announcers actually talk about the match once the bell rings instead of hyping up the bigger stuff later on.

That’s showing the girls respect which is something you rarely see in today’s product. When the Angels are on offense, this match is interesting. When the Girls are on offense, I want a sharp object to do bad things with. Ah there now it’s interesting again. The Angels hit a double dropkick from the top to win the belts in a cool looking finish. That was nice.

On replay, Jesse is proven correct as he claims that when the Angel went for the cover she hooked the arm of Martin, raising it off the mat so there shouldn’t have been a pin. Vince says that since the shoulder blade was down it counts. I don’t know what to say to that.

Rating: B-. I was expecting to be bored out of my mind here, but they carried this quite well in my eyes. It was fairly clear that these belts were a joke, but if nothing else they gave us something that we very rarely if ever get to see in this era, with that being a fast paced and well done women’s match. This was fun. It was sloppy, but fun.

We hit the recap button on Hogan vs. Andre which I’m sure you all know. In case you’re brand new to wrestling (if you are you’ve picked a most interesting place to start), Hogan and Andre had the biggest match of all time at Wrestlemania 3 in front of 93,173 people, with Hogan successfully defending the title. At one point very early in the match though, Hogan tried to slam Andre but his back gave out and Andre landed on him.

There was a lot of controversy to the count because Hogan literally couldn’t kick out and it looked like Andre had won in 15 seconds. That’s the driving force behind this rematch. McMahon says that he thinks the third mat slap was “the referee shoving himself up to signal that it was a two.” I get that Vince is the face commentator, but THAT’S the best he can come up with? No wonder he was on the verge of bankruptcy so often.

Anyway, DiBiase came into the picture and tried to buy the belt, but Hogan wasn’t interested. Since Hogan said no, DiBiase paid Andre to take out Hogan. DiBiase was so great on the mic and in general it’s terrifying. How did he not get a short run with it? Depending on if you want to believe it, there’s a story out there that says he was supposed to, but due to Honky Tonk Man throwing a monkey wrench into things, that never happened.

The full story of that is in my Mania 4 review if you’re interested, but in essence, the original plan called for DiBiase to hold the belt over the summer of 88, but it would have involved Savage beating Honky for the IC belt. He said no, so Savage got the world title four months ahead of schedule. Basically we recap the entire feud up to this point in a series of videos that take about seven minutes. This feels more like a show for people that are new to the company at this point, which is rather interesting.

After another commercial, we’re in the ring and for some reason they ring the bell for this. I guess it was to get attention, but it was still odd. Gene says what this is for and introduces Hogan for the contract signing for this match which will take place a week from Friday. It was taking place on a live show on NBC on a Friday night. Live TV was a very new idea back then and being on prime time during the week was unheard of.

You can tell it’s a very different wrestling world than it is now. Hogan is wearing jeans. That just looks odd. Jesse makes a great point that Hogan should be booed for coming out to Real American in Canada, but of course he’s worshipped even more. Gene mistakenly says that Andre weighs 425 which confuses Vince for a bit. Jack Tunney is here and gets a very mixed reaction (he was a big time promoter in Canada and had a lifetime job for selling to Vince.

This same deal was in place for Monsoon who owned the Puerto Rico territory of all places) as he should. Andre just looks awesome in his suit where you can see the suspenders holding up his pants. It sounds stupid but for Andre it looks sweet. Heenan has sold his contract for a million dollars and then later in I think 1989 bought it back for a hundred grand. That’s a very sweet deal when you think about it.

There’s a ton of mind games from Andre which has Hogan looking flat out scared. That’s something you hardly ever see. Hogan signs as DiBiase cuts a promo talking down to Hogan which is just awesome. Andre just stares at Hogan before signing which is rather scary. Andre signs and then beats up Hogan of course, because it wouldn’t be wrestling without it. This was a new idea so the cliché isn’t there yet, making it much cooler.

Buy Wrestlemania 4.

We talk about the Rumble, which sounds really weak. There’s not a lot of huge names in it, which kind of hurt things. Let’s do it.

Royal Rumble

Bret Hart is #1 and Tito Santana is 2, so if nothing else we’re guaranteed a solid opening. This was the hot feud for the tag belts at the time, so I’m quite shocked that these are the two opening guys. Bear with me on this, as I have no idea how this is going to go. And we’re off. Vince is complaining about Andre and DiBiase’s conduct, saying that if Andre wins the title it’ll be a dark time for the company. I agree.

Those 45 seconds were indeed a nightmare comes to Stamford. Thankfully Jesse gets Vince talking about the match and mentions how ironic it is that these two are starting, which amuses me. Something I noticed here: Vince mentions that hopefully 3 will be one of Tito’s friends. This was a lot more of a standard battle royal as there’s no concept mentioned of every man for themselves.

The idea of say Neidhart throwing out Bret would be a split of the team instead of just a regular thing in a battle royal. That’s very interesting. 3 is Butch “I was supposed to be a Horsemen” Reed. Tito hits the forearm just as Butch comes in to make it one on one again. Jesse says that Reed is virtually rested. Why wouldn’t he be all rested? Also if you’ve been resting, doesn’t it imply you had been doing something before? Why am I examining this?

After about a minute and a half (the space between people always changed through the match. According to Wikipedia this match runs 33 minutes even. Now I’m bad at math, but with 19 different entrances considering that two start and two minutes between each, wouldn’t there be a minimum of 38 minutes, which would also assume that the last person out was eliminated more or less immediately and didn’t have to run to the ring) Neidhart is 4, making it three on one against Tito.

Naturally just before Jim gets in, Bret and Butch mess up a double team spot which I think was going to be called the Convenient Plot Twist of Doom, but I could be wrong. The Harts kind of steal Demolition’s finisher to beat on Santana a bit more. Vince finally points out the idea that Reed could double cross them, but naturally he doesn’t.

After about 75 seconds we have the fifth entrant of Jake Roberts who was rapidly becoming a huge name. He’s by far the biggest star in the match at this point and immediately eliminates Reed and then hammers on Neidhart. Jim would be his opponent at the infamous Heroes of Wrestling issue which I’m sure you’ve heard of.

Jake and Tito clean house for a bit as it will never cease to amaze me how a guy can get a beating that would put most people in a hospital and be up fresh and fighting just seconds later. The crowd is WAY into this. The DDT doesn’t hit and the heels are in control again. Bret hits a piledriver on Tito as number six is Harley Race who needed to retire about five years prior to this.

At seven we have Jim Brunzell as we’re in full on battle royal mode of very little happening. This is a white hot crowd which is helping the boredom a lot. All six guys try to get each other out in a big pile which is either very cool or very stupid. Sam Houston, Jake’s tiny and untalented brother in law is eighth. The commentary here has to be limited as it’s really just punching and kicking and a random attempt at an elimination that doesn’t do anything.

That’s the nature of the beast though as you have to fill in a lot of time out there. We have seven people in the ring right now which is far too high of a number. As I type that, the Harts throw out Tito. Danny Davis is ninth. He was a referee turned wrestler and about as effective as Santino. Sam Houston beats him up if that tells you anything. Race gets caught in the slingshot position which is where he sits on the middle rope and gets punched down but his feet save him and bring him back in.

I’ve always liked that one. More random punching follows. These fans REALLY want a DDT. Boris Zhukov is the tenth entrant and eighth currently in the ring. How are we already halfway done with this? He goes for Houston, which makes sense as he’s the tiny guy in the match, but it’s getting a bit repetitive. Race and Boris go at it, and the term every man for himself is first used on a Rumble broadcast. I love me some hot heel on heel action. It had to be said.

Davis tries to get rid of Sam Houston to become mayor of Jobber Town USA, or would it be Jobber Town Canada in the Horowitz province? We start the second half with Don Muraco (incorrectly called #10 by Vince) and Nikolai Volkoff who run down at the same time. Uh oh we have an uninteresting problem here. Muraco hits him and climbs in, making that whole segment completely pointless.

We have WAY too many people in there until Boris is eliminated to take us down to just eight in the ring. That’s still far too many people laying on the ropes and punching each other. I wonder if they ever get bored doing that for so long. Brunzell hits a sweet dropkick on Hart. That was nice. Apparently Nikolai will be 12th when we finally get to him.

After Vince mentions that he has the list of all twenty names, more or less ending any feeling of suspense at least for me, Nikolai comes in, again making the time where he stood at ringside completely pointless. Race does his traditional back flip bump to be eliminated which always looks good.

Jim Duggan comes out 13th to a MASSIVE pop. He and Roberts were likely the second and third biggest faces in the company at this point. He and Race have a short incident in the aisle which I guess is the setup for the hilarious fight they had at the Slammys. Find that show as it’s hilarious stuff all night long.

There are WAY too many people in there with I think nine at this point and for some reason they’re all on one side of the ring. That looks very odd indeed. Ron “Don’t Call Me Lance” Bass comes in and I promise that’s the last of my Chris Berman moments. I can’t stand that guy. I like the way Duggan punches. It just looks cool. The ring is too full but Brunzell being thrown out helps a bit.

Brian Blair is 15 to get us down to just five people to go. These fans sound like they’re heroin addicts given how much they want the DDT. After even more stalling and bad punching we have Hillbilly Jim at sixteen. He takes out Anvil in about four seconds to keep us at that ten person equilibrium. Dino Bravo gets us to 11 as number 17 which I think is a new record for most people in the match’s long standing twenty minute history.

That’s the problem here. Considering the whole match is thirty three minutes, Bravo should be coming in at thirty two I believe, yet we’ve got three more to be entered. Bass gets rid of the pest known as Sam Houston. The match becomes legal when some rookie that hasn’t done anything yet known as the Ultimate Warrior comes in. He’s a jobber killer at this point and barely even that high up.

Bret finally goes out as I guess he couldn’t stand to be in there with someone as bad as Warrior. He was in there twenty five minutes which is the record at the time. About forty seconds after Warrior comes in we have One Man Gang who would win the Slammy for Best Group. He knocks out Roberts and Blair in about a minute to finally start clearing the ring up a bit. The final man comes out after about a minute and it’s the Junkyard Dog. Well that’s pretty anticlimactic.

For the life of me I will never understand what was so great about this guy. He was supposed to be a big deal but I’ve always found him to be a complete waste of air. Anyway, this is the final field of about nine or ten so let’s do it. Yeah it’s ten. Vince shows off his brilliant wrestling mind by picking the Dog to win it. The 300lb Lithuanian Nikolai Volkoff is the first of the ten out thanks to Duggan.

Gang backdrops Jim out to take up to eight. Gang is also the I think fourth person that Jesse says this is his type of match. We get it: brawlers should do well in this. Davis gets clotheslined out to finish eighth. Gang and Bravo eliminate Warrior about five seconds later with relative ease. Dog is out a bit later to take us to five. Bass’ elimination takes us down to four.

I know that was just listing eliminations but they all came rather quickly with nothing at all between them. The final four are Gang, Bravo, Duggan and Muraco. The announcers pick the Gang for the win. Muraco beats up the Achilles enthusiasts while Duggan is down. Bravo holds Muraco up so Gang can clothesline him out, and naturally…it works. What? Of course it works.

Those are finely trained professionals. Did you expect them to make a mistake or something like that? They try the same spot on Duggan and it fails to take us to Gang and Duggan as the last two. Gang beats on Duggan on the ropes and charges at him, but Duggan of all things uses his head and pulls the rope down for the win.

Jesse is annoyed which is funny. We almost immediately go to commercial. One thing I really liked there was that there were no commercial breaks which would have messed up a lot of stuff for me. I’m glad they did it right.

Rating: C-. This match gets a pass, but it wasn’t that good. To be fair, it’s the very first one and they had no clue what they were doing, so given the information and knowledge they had, this was good. The roster wasn’t huge here as Hogan, Andre and DiBiase were the biggest stars in the company at the time, so there was only so much they could do, but it was certainly watchable. Next year they would iron out a lot of the kinks to improve it greatly, but for a first try this was fine.

We recap the real thing of the show by talking about Hogan and Andre. Hogan comes out again to talk about the title match on the fifth and says exactly what you would expect him to say. This was just window dressing.

Islanders vs. Young Stallions

Yes we actually have another match on this show and oddly enough it’s also 2/3 falls. The Islanders had dognapped Matilda recently in a somewhat well known angle. In short, they stole the dog and then gave it back. It was a big deal at the time for no apparent reason. Vince plays Sherlock Holmes here which is idiotic sounding. Heenan is apparently in Barbados for no given reason. Tama and Jim Powers start.

Tama was a guy I’ve always liked but he never got anything going for him. Vince admits that he was bored out of him mind during the Bravo segment which is great. It’s always good to hear Vince admit the he screwed up. They more or less ignore the match for the beginning because the show is more or less over at this point. Vince says that Tama has a devastating leap.

He doesn’t say into a splash or anything like that, but just a devastating leap. Wait, so he has a painful jump? Is he a jump rope master or something? Does Heenan turn the ropes? The man that would somehow become a Horseman named Paul Roma gets a tag and then it’s his turn to get beaten up. Oh dear Roma hurt his knee. No one seems to care. He gets counted out to end the first fall.

We go to commercial and as we come back, the Stallions are in the back getting Roma’s knee looked at. As stupid as that sounds, we get another recap of the contract signing and while a match is going on, we go to Andre and DiBiase for a promo in the arena. That’s just painfully stupid looking.

The commercial is let’s say three minutes long. In three minutes a guy with a bad knee got to the back and DiBiase and the Giant got word to the production team that they wanted to say something and got to the stage in time? That’s a BIG stretch. Andre says exactly what you would expect him to say. He does use the term Giant-a-Mania which is kind of awesome.

After another commercial we’re back in the second fall. Roma’s knee is dead here but we keep going anyway. I’ll give them credit as that’s actually a rather creative way to get in a match and a promo in the final part of the show. It’s kind of plausible but not really. It’s close enough though. Naturally they talk about the promo. You have to give it to Vince: he managed to get a promo in so that he wouldn’t have to talk about this match very much at all.

I’ll give him credit for something up with good ideas like that. That’s not bad at all. Jesse says that the Hogan vs. Andre match will be bigger than the Indy 500. Vince says he’d like to see Jesse dragged behind an indy car. DAng that’s rather violent.

This is just rather generic stuff for the most part as Powers can’t tag out because his partner is hurt. He finally does and Roma is destroyed, giving up to a half crab pretty quickly. Jesse somewhat sarcastically calls it a valiant effort which is I guess his attempt at being nice?

Rating: C-. This booking made little sense as I don’t get why this went on last. It was pretty boring but it’s not bad. It’s standard 80s stuff but it’s little more than a squash. It closed the show on an odd note, but this was ok I guess.

Vince and Jesse recap the show for about three minutes with a very long talk about the Bravo thing. For the love of goodness it wasn’t a big deal! They desperately try to make it a big deal, but dang man it’s just a failure. They of course recap Hogan and Andre and in a funny close, Jesse goes through the information for the match time and location etc., which disgusts the marketing freak known as Vince. That’s just great.

Overall Rating: C+. There’s a major factor to remember when watching this show: it was completely free. As a pay per view, this would have been lower than an F. However, given that this was pretty much thrown together and was given away free, how much can you complain? You got four matches and six segments total.

The first match was ok I guess, the second was exciting, the third was a new gimmick which is always worth a look and the fourth…well I’m not sure why it was where it was but it’s not bad. The two segments were the epitome of hit and miss as the first was just a waste of time, but to be fair you could just change the channel for this one. The Hogan/Andre was nothing but a build up for next week which is also fine. The one thing I don’t get is where a lot of guys were.

I mean, there’s no IC Champion in Honky. There’s no Savage who would go on to win the world title at Mania. No Demolition who would win the tag titles. Beefcake wasn’t there either and he would get the title shot at Mania. Martel, the other tag champion wasn’t there.

It certainly would have helped the battle royal out, but I guess that’s neither here nor there. The show is fine all things considered, but it’s really more of a historical thing than a good thing. It’s not bad at all, but don’t expect a great show because it isn’t one.

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Continental Wrestling Federation TV
Date: October 8, 1988
Location: Civic Center, Montgomery, Alabama
Commentators: Charlie Platt, Dutch Mantell

Back again with the second of four straight weeks of TV that I have here. We’re done with the Road to Birmingham now so it should be interesting to see where things go. Gilbert is gone, Pritchard is the champion, the tag titles didn’t change hands, and other than that there isn’t much else I can think of. Let’s get to it.

A masked guy is gunning for the Dirty White Boy. No name is given for him.

This is the “Showing of the Stars”, whatever that means. The voiceover lists off some of the people in action tonight.

Private Powell vs. Davey Rich

Well at least it’s not Davey Richards. He’s part of the Party Patrol you would hear about in the previous week’s show. The ring is small, like a WCW one. Rich takes over with a headscissors and a headlock. He works the arm which goes on for awhile. I think they botch a flip of some sort as I think Powell was supposed to use a monkey flip kind of thing but Rich jumped and crotched himself. Back to the arm and this is REALLY dull. Rich is in Hogan colors. They botch a sunset flip out of the corner and Rich gets the pin.

Rating: F. So they spent five minutes working on the arm and botching half of the moves they were trying? This was awful and there was nothing redeeming at all, even imaging Hogan being a member of the Party Patrol. Nothing to see here and not a good sign for the rest of the show.

The Bullet (Bob Armstrong in a mask, the guy that opened the show) is here but first let’s hear about those house shows. Bullet says that there are a lot of people here with talent and that’s about it. Dirty White Boy comes out to call him out and the match is next.

The Bullet vs. Dirty White Boy

They immediately slug it out and apparently this is a big feud. The White Boy (also known as Tony Anthony. Isn’t that a little redundant?) hammers away to take over. This is more of a brawl than a match, but with the names in there, were you expecting anything else? Off to a chinlock by Anthony. Make that a LONG chinlock which gets two arm drops. Bullet hits a clothesline and starts his comeback. There’s a whip brought in from somewhere and the match is thrown out.

Rating: D-. This was only somewhat better but it’s mostly punching and chinlocks. Oh before I forget: Anthony was in WWF for awhile as T.L. Hopper if you remember him. Bullet is Road Dogg’s dad and that’s about the extent of his fame. Not much of a match and I’m assuming the history of this is a lot more interesting.

Post match Jerry Stubbs and the Dirty White Girl (seriously) comes in for a beatdown. The Party Patrol makes the save.

Since this is an old TV show, we get part of a commercial. This commercial features ERNEST P. WORRELL!!!!!! He’s from Lexington so he’s kind of a local hero.

The announcers talk about how the Rich Cousins (Party Patrol) are awesome. If you don’t believe us, here’s a taped match with them in it.

Pat Rose/Deuce Mason vs. Davey Rich/Johnny Rich

Johnny vs. Rose gets us going. Off to Deuce and this is looking like a total squash. Yep a shoulder block (seriously?) ends this in like 40 seconds.

Ken Wayne is here on commentary for the next match. He’s the US Junior Heavyweight Champion again.

Tom Pritchard vs. The Grappler II

This is after the Road to Birmingham tournament which Pritchard won but there’s no reference or title to be seen. He references having his hair and having a new car so this is after the Birmingham show. Grappler is a guy in a mask and the original was a huge deal in Portland. Ok so Pritchard is officially Heavyweight Champion. My guess is this was taped before the Birmingham show with commentary added later. Very basic match and we talk about the Night of Champions coming up. Pritchard controls with a headlock….and that’s enough of that.

We cut to the back where White Boy and Stubbs (the new tag champions which wasn’t mentioned when they were in the ring) talking about Bullet and the Rich Cousins. They switch to an inset window and Pritchard keeps the headlock the whole time. Grappler finally hits a suplex to take over and we talk about an elimination tag match coming up. They’re not exactly Survivor Series matches and the rules are too complex to figure out. Jerry Stubbs is called Mr. Perfect here. That gimmick was either about to start in WWF or already had.

Grappler hooks something resembling a chinlock but it’s more like a nerve hold. Pritchard makes the comeback and Wayne complains about everything he does. I guess this is to build up to a match between them. Pritchard hits a spin kick to the ribs and makes his real comeback. Grappler slams him and drops a leg for two. Pritchard hooks a backslide but the time limit runs out at two. The new heavyweight champion just wrestled to a draw in his first match as champion. WOW.

Rating: D. Honestly when this match was going on for awhile, I jokingly thought to myself that they would go to a draw in the first match in Pritchard’s reign, but then chuckled and said there’s no way they would do that. AND THEN THEY DID IT. The match was nothing special, but I don’t get the booking here in the slightest.

Big brawl post match. Wayne offers to let the announcer touch his hair before he goes.

White Lightning (this company borders on racial issues with these white themed names) talks about the elimination matches they mentioned earlier. We get an old match of Horner’s and the announcer tells us he wins. Well thanks for the drama.

Tim Horner vs. Private Powell

Did the world really demand two Private Powell matches? Bullett is on commentary. Powell takes over to start but walks into an atomic drop and bridging O’Connor Roll for the pin. Lasted maybe 90 seconds.

Willie B. Hert vs. The Counteract

Willie is your standard happy dancing black character. Count is in an executioner hood and I don’t see this going long. Willie beats him up and sends him to the floor. Instead of following up, it’s a dance party. Willie works on the arm and the crowd is DEAD. A suplex gets two. There’s a forearm and it’s finally done. That was like six or seven minutes lone somehow.

Rating: D-. Does this company get paid by the arm work? They seem to LOVE that kind of stuff and it wasn’t anything to see here. Hert isn’t interesting but is supposed to be a fun character I’d assume. Nothing to see here but that’s to be expected in this company it would seem.

Willie talks about Night of Champions but some blonde guy comes up and yells at him. He’s a champion of some sort. Oh that’s Wayne….again. They get in the ring and their match is next time.

Overall Rating: D+. It was a very different show this week but more boring. There was no real focus of the show and it seemed like they were all over the place. Pritchard vs. Grappler is long and that’s about all it had going for it. Not much here, but lucky me I get to do two more weeks of it. Anyway, not much to see here but at least it’s a pretty short TV show.

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Continental Wrestling Federation TV
Date: October 1, 1988
Location: Boutwell Auditorium, Birmingham, Alabama
Commentators: Charlie Platt, Joe Petecino

Ok so when I found four shows labeled CWF, I thought it was Championship Wrestling From Florida, not Continental. Continental is a pretty much forgotten company which ran in the southeast, namely around Alabama, Tennesee and the Gulf Coast with some shots in north Florida as well. It was owned by the Fuller Family, which is more known as Colonel Robert Parker’s family. This isn’t a well known company because it was surrounded by bigger companies, but let’s take a look at it anyway. I have four consecutive episodes of their TV show (which aired on the Financial News Network for some reason) so let’s get to it.

We open with the United States Junior Heavyweight Champion Nightmare Ken Wayne, saying he’ll defend his title today on television. The records I can find say he won it on this day so one of these dates is wrong. He mentions a big show in Birmingham, which I believe is part of the Road to Birmingham tournament, which was their Wrestlemania style show I think. It was nothing compared to what it was supposed to be, due to a ton of political stuff going on.

Wayne’s partner, Nightmare Danny Davis (OVW owner) says he wants the title. They would trade it like four times each.

A voiceover runs down the card and the hosts welcome us to the show. Something happened last week but it’s not mentioned. Eddie Gilbert, a big deal in the indies around this time and I believe the booker here, has something to say. As best I can tell, this is the Road to Birmingham show, which is taking place in Birmingham. Either that or it’s in two days. Some guy comes out and I don’t think that’s Gilbert. He talks about the upcoming show where they’ll crown the CWF world and tag champions.

Some other guy (no one is named here) comes out and says that he and his Wild Samoans will win the tag titles. If they lose though, they’re out of the territory.

We get an ad for the Road to Birmingham show which will have the tournament final for the first ever CWF Championship. From what I can find, this would be the same title in a company called Southeast Championship Wrestling, but when they closed and the CWF replaced it, the title was retired and it’s being resurrected here. If that sounds confusing, you’re not alone. This territory stuff and who has the lineage of what titles can make nuclear physics look like reading Clifford the Big Red Dog.

Lord Humongous/Shane Douglas vs. Ricky Siegler/Deuce Mason

Humongous is Sid Vicious in a Jason mask. He and Shane are already tag champions so the match with the Samoans is just a title vs. leave town match. The other two guys (I think the first name is right. It’s either that or Buck Seger) are jobbers I think. Sid busts out a dropkick and it wasn’t half bad. Ok that time they DEFINITELY said Bucky. We’ll stick with what I have though. Sid destroys Bucky/Ricky/whatever his name is and we hear that Sid’s name is Hugo. He press slams Shane onto Siegler to end it. This barely lasted a minute.

Shane says they’ll win on Monday. I’d assume this was taped in advance which would explain the date issue. They would keep the titles.

More house show ads.

US Junior Heavyweight Title: Ken Wayne vs. Danny Davis

Wayne is champion and they’re partners here. From what I understand, there’s going to be a hair vs. hair match on Monday (Road to Birmingham). Nelson Royal, the world Junior Heavyweight Champion comes in to shake their hands. He doesn’t seem to like Davis at all. Royal gets in on commentary. He says he’s here to scout. Davis controls to start and takes him down to the mat, working on the arm.

Wayne nips up a few times but Davis sends him to the floor and the crowd likes him. Royal talks about going to Yugoslavia for some reason. Something different about this show is that they have cameras on all four sides so you have to keep an eye on the CWF letters on the mat to tell where things are facing. Wayne fires a punch to take over as he’s the heel here. I think they’re still partners but I’m not sure.

You can tell this is from the 80s as no one uses anything bigger than a middle rope elbow, which gets two for Wayne. Davis fights back and they collide. Royal offers a distraction as Wayne pulls out a chain. Davis has one of his own though and pops Wayne with it for the pin and the title. NICE.

Rating: D+. Boring match, but the ending was awesome with some great thinking. The idea of having them know each other so well and them being former partners is great as Davis knew what was coming and blasted Wayne with it instead. I was bored during the match but the end helped things out a lot here. I really liked that ending and it’s given me some hope for the rest of the show.

Davis, in a pre-taped promo, says he’ll win. He’s also putting up his car against Eddie Gilbert’s $25,000 backing Wayne. I’d hope they’re not partners anymore because this is a pretty hateful promo.

Wayne counters by saying that they have a long history and Davis was the one that turned his back on Wayne, not the other way around. Not as good as Davis’ interview.

Eddie Gilbert apparently has been having more medical tests and isn’t well. Gilbert talks about being injured a few years ago in a car wreck and being brought in because people believed in him. A few weeks ago he reinjured himself and he’s not sure what his future has in store for him. One of the commentators isn’t sure what’s going on here because Gilbert has been a very evil man lately. He lists off the stuff Gilbert has done lately and now he’s injured.

Gilbert says he wouldn’t believe himself. To prove himself though, he gives a check for $25,000 to the other announcer to give to whoever needs it most. That’s the money he and Dangerously (Heyman) put up in the hair vs. hair match. If he doesn’t win the title on Monday, he’ll quit wrestling. This would be a way for him to leave the company due to management issues. He was supposed to win the title but that didn’t happen.

More house show ads. It’s an indy thing.

Dr. Tom Pritchard vs. Jerry Stubbs

No idea what he’s a doctor of but I don’t think it’s Thuganomics. Stubbs is a former partner I think and the announcers say if you saw the TV show last week, you know what happened. Commentary is a failure here I guess. Pritchard speeds things up and takes over on the arm. After a brief beatdown by Stubbs, Pritchard takes over and signals for his finisher (whatever that is) but the Dangerous Alliance runs in for the DQ. Some blonde guy runs out with a steel bar for the save. Oh it’s Austin Idol. You 80s fans will know that name. Pritchard would win the tournament on Monday.

The Dangerous Alliance (Dirty White Boy, Ken Wayne and Nightmare Freddy, a masked guy) says that Dirty White Boy (that really is his name) will win the title and Wayne will get his title back. As far as Gilbert, Dangerously doesn’t want to talk Paul E. Dangerously and Eddie Gilbert. He wants to talk Paul Heyman and Thomas Edward Gilbert. That money is his life savings including money he got from his father. He invested it in a stud named Eddie Gilbert but instead of winning the race (he’s using a Kentucky Derby analogy) he broke his leg. You put a horse with a broken leg out of its misery with a bullet to the head.

Cue Jerry Stubbs from the previous match who wants to be in the Alliance. Dangerously says that if Stubbs can do a few things to prove himself, he can be in. Stubbs says that’s cool.

Doug Furnace vs. Dutch Mantel

Yes Furnace is spelled that way on the graphics. Stubbs jumps him and beats him down with…..a coat rack? Seriously? A COAT RACK??? WHY WAS THERE A COAT RACK READILY AVAILABLE??? Mantel makes the save. Due to the beating Furnace is out so we get a replacement.

Dutch Mantel vs. Pat Rose

Rose is a familiar name but I’m not sure who he is. Mantel is kind of a cowboy but not really. He wins with a quick gordbuster.

Austin Idol hypes the Road to Birmingham.

Dangerously does the same.

Missy’s Manor, an interview segment, ends this. The guests are a team called the Party Patrol who are back after leaving for awhile. They talk about Eddie Gilbert for a bit and say they don’t care about the money. They’re happy to be back and that’s about it.

Dirty White Boy vs. ???

The bell rings with less than a minute left in the video. He destroys the unnamed jobber and gets the pin off something we don’t see due to looking at the announcers. The credits were rolling before the three count.

Overall Rating: C-. It’s hard to complain about this because I have no idea what’s going on here. They hyped up the Road to Birmingham show every single chance they could get and it worked pretty well. Nothing to see here for the most part but I’ve seen worse. The wrestling isn’t exactly the focal point of things, but it wasn’t that bad. We’ll see if the next week was any better.

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Inside the Steel Cage
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Alfred Hayes, Johnny Valiant, Vince McMahon
Host: Gorilla Monsoon, Johnny Valentine

How many details can I give you here? It’s from the mid eighties and that’s about all I can give you. There was another version of this but this is the older one, which should make it a bit more interesting. Let’s get to it.

All matches are cage matches.

Andre the Giant vs. Big John Studd

This is joined in progress and Andre is just maybe a foot or two shorter than the top of the cage. I think this is from Toronto but I’m not sure. Andre bites away and opens up Studd. That cage is SHAKING. The lighting is rather bad here for the most part. This is before 1985 based on Andre’s hair. You can barely see them for a few seconds here but it picks up a bit.

Andre misses a diving headbutt and Studd heads for the door which gets him nowhere. This is a lot of laying around and choking on the mat with the occasional big clubbing forearm shot. Studd goes for the door again but can’t get through one more time. Monsoon kind of implies any part of getting out of the cage counts rather than just the feet. They’ve spent about four minutes now laying down near the door now.

Andre finally stands up and stares at Studd for a bit. Ah never mind he must have worn himself out so we’re going to lay down a bit more. The slug it out and Studd surprisingly wins. Studd has a chance to leave and like the stupid heel that he is he doesn’t go for it and charges again, running into a big boot. Andre gets a slam and then goes to the TOP ROPE and jumps off with a huge sit down splash onto Studd’s chest. FREAKING DOUBLE OW MAN! The exit from the cage is academic as Studd is for all intents and purposes, dead.

Rating: D+. Well the match was incredibly boring with them just kind of laying around for the most part but DANG that ending was awesome with Studd getting destroyed to end this. That was a mind blowing ending with Andre coming down HARD on Studd. This was the second biggest feud in the company at the time which resulted in Andre beating Studd in a slam match at Mania.

We get a clip of the same kind of ending with Andre vs. Kamala. Just like two minutes here so I can’t call it a match. Andre dominates and drops the same seated splash (seated senton like Rey but the guy is already down).

It’s another ending to a match but this one is a bit more famous. It’s Snuka vs. Muraco and the legendary cage dive ending. What’s not often remembered is that happened after the match ended. Snuka gets a flying headbutt and Muraco stumbled out onto the floor to retain. Apparently Dreamer, Bubba Ray Dudley and of course Mick Foley were all in attendance. That really is an amazing sight and was the biggest spot ever at the time.

Adrian Adonis/Randy Savage vs. Tito Santana/Bruno Sammartino

Wild brawl to start with Adonis vs. Santana and Bruno vs. Savage. Savage is the IC Champion at this point. You only win with both guys getting to the floor. They’re MOVING out there. Apparently the door is only going to be opened upon request. So it’s like a shave around the ears? Bruno, an old veteran of cage matches, stops Savage from trying to escape.

Even Adonis is running so you can tell they’re serious here. Bruno is beating the tar out of Savage here. I love the way he throws boots. This was actually a hot feud as Bruno came out of retirement to feud with Savage which in reality was a way to get his son some spots on TV. Tito makes a nice save to keep Savage in the door and Bruno crotches Adrian just because it’s fun. Gorilla says his wish just came true. I don’t want to know what that means. Tito is busted and it’s not bad.

It’s kind of odd to see someone use a kick as their main offense when you’re so used to seeing punches being the main thing. Savage goes for a double axe from the top but runs into the fist of Santana and the heels are in trouble. Savage is bleeding BAD. He manages to stop Santana though.

Adonis goes up and dives off the top, hitting Sammartino with a knee drop. Unfortunately that’s because he botched it for the most part and kind of fell off the top of the cage onto Bruno. Savage gets a leg over the top but runs into the taco salesman from Tijuana. The heels are slammed together allowing Bruno to get out the door and Santana over the top to end this.

Rating: A-. Sweet goodness this was a war. They beat the living crap out of each other and none of the four ever stopped at all. Bruno could bring on the violence when he wanted to and apparently he wanted to do so here. This was a very good match with all four guys working very hard and never stopping once in about ten minutes. I liked it.

Another quick three minute version of a match I already reviewed in full which is Tito vs. Valentine with Tito getting the title back. Check the WWF Grudge Matches review for the full thing if you’re interested. I’m not reviewing a three minute part of a match I already did in full. Tito wins what was a good match.

WWF Title: Bruno Sammartino vs. George Steele

This is from some time in the 60s but Gorilla doesn’t know when. Back then Steele was a top heel so this would have been a big time fight. The cage is weird looking as it’s more or less wire walls rather than a traditional cage. Steele has riot gear police officers bring him out. This is still escape rules. Naturally the commentary is from the 80s rather than back in the day as there likely wasn’t commentary done for this originally.

This is clipped to an extent. Bruno hammers him as this is probably the culmination of what was a major feud. Steele looks identical to what he would for the rest of his career. Steele actually gets a low blow before eating a turnbuckle. He rubs the stuffing into Bruno’s eyes which blinds him but George won’t just leave. This is in Philadelphia apparently. Apparently Styrofoam stuffing is blinding.

Bruno gets rocked by Steele for a good while as the camera and lighting is really different here but of course at the time no one knew what to do from a production standpoint as this was a very new idea back then. Bruno Hulks Up as Steele pounds away and then runs as Bruno can’t be hurt. Sammartino destroys him by ramming him into the cage a bunch and then climbs out.

Rating: C-. Nothing great here but seeing something from this far back in time is always cool. Steele didn’t change a bit in about twenty years and was still completely awesome the whole time. This was a pretty ok match but the clipping didn’t help. Bruno was completely awesome in cages and this worked ok but at six minutes shown, how into a cage match can you get?

Bruno Sammartino vs. Roddy Piper

Not a title match here as this is from the mid 80s. We’re in Boston here. Gorilla and Jesse talk about the experience you get in cage matches. Jesse wonders what you can actually learn in there which makes sense. Piper wears a Bears shirt which is around the time that the Bears beat the Patriots in the Super Bowl. He also hangs posters in the cage which is a nice touch.

Bruno comes out and goes straight for Piper, sending him into the cage. Piper is bleeding maybe a minute in. Bruno shoves the poster in Piper’s face as this is a big beatdown. This was another big feud as Piper had totally not respected Sammartino as most young heels didn’t so Vince set this up before cutting almost all ties with Bruno. Granted that was mutual so that’s not a fair criticism.

Piper gets a low blow to save the match and barely has his shirt off yet. Sammartino has to make a big save to keep Piper out as he might be busted open too. Piper seems more like he’s just trying to escape while Bruno wants punishment. And there’s Roddy’s trunks going down. Ok then. Bruno kicks away and they slug it out. Jesse has kind of stopped talking here.

Roddy goes up and Bruno pounds on his supple Scottish balls. That’s not quite enough for Bruno to get out but Bruno grabs a wooden chair as he’s trying to leave and blasts Piper in the head with it to win. Jesse says that was cheating but it’s a cage match so whatever I suppose.

Rating: B-. Not bad here and a bit longer than the previous one. Bruno was fun to watch and the fans always reacted to him. This was a veteran giving the young loudmouth a beating and that’s something that is always going to work. Nothing great but a fun match either way.

WWF Title: Bob Backlund vs. Pat Patterson

This is from September of 79 apparently. Patterson is the IC Champion here and is a cage match expert but Backlund has never been in one. Patterson was more or less the top heel in the company by default here. They start off fast as Backlund is all fired up here. Patterson tries to get out early and that goes nowhere.

Both guys get incredibly close but can’t get all the way out. Patterson almost gets out with Backlund literally dragging him back over the top by a single leg. They keep fighting to try to get out as this is definitely more about winning than violence which is fine. We clip the match to them being on the mat and Patterson hammers away on a cut on Backlund’s head. From what I can find only about three minutes out of 16 total were clipped so we get the vast majority here.

Patterson is busted too. Vince calls the WWF Champion a gallant lad. That’s sweet. Patterson goes into the cage and Backlund goes for the kill. He winds up going into the cage though so forget about that I guess. Backlund gets the atomic drop which was one of his signature moves at the time. I guess Lombardi will have to be gentle tonight.

Patterson finds some brass knuckles and they go up. Pat can’t get a shot with them and both guys go down. And then Backlund kicks Patterson in the head and the force of the kick launches Backlund backwards through the cage door and out to the floor. Patterson FREAKS in the ring after that even though he did nothing but lose cleanly. I guess that’s why he’s a heel.

Rating: B. Very solid match here with both guys beating the heck out of each other. Backlund was at this best at the end of a feud where he had to go off to beat someone and that’s what he did here. This was either their fourth or fifth match against each other and Patterson had beaten him before. This was fun stuff though and it worked very well.

The final match is the main event of Mania II so it’s copy and paste time again. It was joined in progress but not by much, maybe a minute or so.

WWF World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. King Kong Bundy

This is a cage match and the only one in Mania history if you don’t count the Cell match at Mania 15 which most people don’t. The story behind this is Bundy jumped Hogan at a SNME and hurt his ribs, which hadn’t healed yet. Hogan wrestled against doctor’s orders with tape all over his ribs. Simple but effective but kind of too simple as this was more or less thrown together about a month ago.

This is a very not surprising match with Bundy going for the ribs and Hogan having to fight through the pain. It’s solid because it’s Hogan doing what he does best but the total and complete lack of drama or anyone really caring for the most part is hurting it. Also having Jesse as lead announcer is a very odd choice.

Bundy rips the tape off of Hogan’s ribs like a good heel and Hogan messes up as always by trying to pick Bundy up and of course he can’t do it. There’s nothing special going on here at all but it’s working for the most part. Ah there’s the Hulk Up. Very surprisingly we get a power slam here and not the traditional slam. Maybe his ribs really were hurt. He ties up Bundy and goes over the top to retain and end the show.

Rating: B-. It’s Hogan against a monster heel not named Andre. What are you expecting here? This was his bread and butter and the fans popped for the end (only) so I guess you can call this a success. I’m a sucker for Hogan matches in the 80s so I’d say there’s probably some bias in the rating but who cares? Fairly solid match but nothing unique about it at all other than the cage aspect.

Overall Rating: B-. The wrestling and action here are mostly great but at the same time the cage matches non stop get rather monotonous after awhile. They’re good matches but at the same time you kind of want something else after the first few of them. It’s good stuff to be sure but you might now want to watch it all in one sitting. Worth checking out though.

 

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Crockett Cup 1988
Date: April 22, 1988/April 23, 1988
Location: Greenville Memorial Auditorium, Greenville, South Carolina/Greensboro Coliseum, Greensboro, North Carolina
Attendance: 4,400/6,300
Commentators: Jim Ross, Tony Schiavone

It’s the final one of these and this is by far the most complicated of all. As usual the tournament was scheduled to have 24 teams, but there were a bunch of messes involved in it, which I’ll get to in a minute. This is another two night tag team tournament for the sake of having a two night tag team tournament. The NWA is in trouble to the WWF at this point, but Ted Turner would be coming in for the save soon. Let’s get to it.

First off, the brackets. There are two teams with byes listed, which is the result of a lot of storyline stuff. If you’re not interested in why there are byes, skip ahead to the brackets themselves. Lex Luger and Barry Windham were world tag team champions as faces, but two days before the tournament, Windham turned heel and joined the Horsemen, giving Anderson/Blanchard the tag titles. Windham also took the spot in the Horsemen that Luger had been kicked out of, starting a huge feud. That’s one team gone.

The reigning champions of the tournament, the Super Powers (Nikita Koloff/Dusty Rhodes) were taken out because Rhodes was suspended from the company for 120 days because he hit the boss with a ball bat (also causing him to be stripped of the US Title). Since he was gone, Nikita had no partner so he was given a world title shot on this show as well. There are two teams gone.

Sting and Ronnie Garvin were scheduled to team together as one of the teams automatically in the second round. However, during another of the non-tournament matches, Garvin was injured by Kevin Sullivan so Sting was paired with Lex Luger and they would go on in the tournament. So to sum up, we’re down two teams of the original 24 to make it 22, meaning that one team is automatically going to the semi-finals after one win.

So you got all that?

Here are the brackets. As usual, the team in parentheses is the team that the winners will face in round 2.

Johnny Ace/John Savage
Brad Armstrong/Tim Horner
(Midnight Express)

Cruel Connection
Sheepherders
(Midnight Express)*

Ivan Koloff/Dick Murdoch
Mighty Wilbur/Jimmy Valiant
(Lex Luger/Sting)

Chris Champion/Mark Starr
Twin Devils
(Powers of Pain)

Rocky King/Nelson Royal
Tiger Conway Jr./Shaska Whatley
(Road Warriors)

Green Machine/Terminator
Italian Stallion/Kendall Windham
(Arn Anderson/Tully Blanchard)

Bye/Bye
Bye/Bye
(Bye/Bye)**

Joe Cruz/Ricky Santana
Al Perez/Larry Zbyszko
(Fantastics)

Varsity Club
Ron Simmons/Steve Williams
(N/A)***

Ok so on to the asterisks.

* – Since there weren’t enough teams to have a first round, the winner of Sheepherders/Armstrong/Horner gets the match against the Midnight Express.

** – Anderson/Blanchard are in the spot where the winner of the second round match goes on to the semi-finals.

*** – For some reason the Varsity Club and Simmons/Williams are already in the second round. The winner of that faces whoever comes out of the three teams above them in the third round.

So you got all that too? Let’s have some bad tag matches!

Also remember this is the home video version, so there’s A LOT of clipping.

Crockett Cup First Round: Mighty Wilbur/Jimmy Valiant vs. Dick Murdoch/Ivan Koloff

Wilbur is a very fat hillbilly. He and Koloff start us off. There was no intro or anything like that so we’re really thrown into things quickly here. Wilbur throws them around with ease and it’s off to Valiant who dances a lot. Valiant takes over and it’s off to Murdoch. Koloff comes in and Valiant no sells a lot so it’s back to Wilbur. They’re clipping some here I think but it’s done better than usual. Murdoch hits a knee to the back of Valiant and the Sickle ends this.

Crockett Cup Second Round: Ron Simmons/Steve Williams vs. Varsity Club

Steiner/Rotunda for the Club here. Williams tries to wrestle Williams and he gets punched in the face for his efforts. Williams runs through both opponents as only he could. He was the Brock Lesnar of his day so expect some high impact dominance. After destroying Steiner for fun it’s off to Simmons who is no slouch either as far as power goes. Off to Rotunda again who is the talented member here.

Simmons keeps up the football power style but he gets caught by a cheap shot from Steiner to give the Varsity Club the advantage. A lot of Simmons getting beaten down is clipped here which is probably good due to the sake of time. Oh yeah there’s some clipping as we go from Rotunda hitting Simmons to a shot of the crowd to a big brawl. Simmons is sent to the floor and Kevin Sullivan gets a shot in on him, giving the Varsity Club the countout win.

Rating: D+. Not bad here but the clipping takes away however good it could have been. The Varsity Club reached some pretty high levels on the heel totem pole in the next year and you could see it starting with this one, as they were totally outmatched but used numbers and cheating to advance. Could have been a lot better with time and no clipping.

That’s all we see of round one but the brackets are really confusing so I’ll wait for round three before I update the brackets. Nothing of note happens in round one so you’re not missing any upsets.

Crockett Cup Second Round: Arn Anderson/Tully Blanchard vs. Italian Stallion/Kendall Windham

The Horsemen are tag champions. Windham is Barry’s real life brother but he and Stallion are jobbers. Kendall looks like Magnum TA, almost the point where I’d believe he was copied from his look. Stallion is a big power guy. Anderson shrugs off some offense and pounds away on the arm and ribs before bringing Tully back in. I keep thinking that when they cut to a shot of the crowd that they’re clipping but it’s just an NWA thing.

Off to Windham vs. Anderson and there’s the spinebuster (has a name here) and we’re clipped to Windham fighting back. Stallion comes in and we’re clipped again to Stallion making the comeback. And never mind as he ducks his head in front of Arn and since that’s just stupid, the DDT sends the Horsemen on to the semi-finals due to a bye. Too short and clipped to be rated.

Crockett Cup Second Round: Road Warriors vs. Jive Tones

The Jive Tones are Whatley and Conway. Animal runs over Whatley and things break down quickly. Animal is all like oh please and throws them both off the corner at once. Hawk comes in and just mauls people. Animal just shrugs them off again and brings in Hawk who hits a dropkick (one footed but whatever) and a top rope clothesline ends Whatley. Total squash.

Crockett Cup Second Round: Fantastics vs. Al Perez/Larry Zbyszko

The Fantastics were US Tag Champions at this point. Perez vs. Rogers starts us off. I like the Fantastics so this should be good. Rogers tries to speed things up as is his custom but Larry slips in a knee to break that up. Larry tries a backdrop but Rogers lands on his feet (SWEET) and it’s off to Fulton. Fulton and Perez speed things up a bit and Perez is in WAY over his head here. The heels take over on Fulton and we’re told we’re ten minute in as Fulton gets the pin on Larry off a very fast small package. Again, not long enough to rate.

Crockett Cup Second Round: Sting/Lex Luger vs. Dick Murdoch/Ivan Koloff

Sting is still very new on the national stage so Luger is the veteran here, despite having been in the big time less than two years. Luger runs over Koloff and must have done so for awhile because the opening has some clipping. Off to Sting who is as over as free beer. They have Magnum TA with them also so who do you think the popular team is? Sting escapes the corner but Murdoch takes him down by the arm.

Sting gets beaten down in the heel corner and Ross says don’t bother hitting Murdoch in the face because he won’t care. He gets knocked to the floor and Murdoch adds a chair to the back of Sting. Back in and Sting fires off a quick Stinger Splash to break things up. Everything breaks down and Sting reverses a slam into a small package for two that we’ll call three.

Rating: C-. Not a horrible match here but the clipping hurt it a lot. That’s the same thing that you can say about the whole show for the most part as it’s hard to get into a match when you keep clipping things up and taking out so much from each of the matches. Also, it’s not like there was any doubt as to who wins here, but that goes for almost all tournaments.

Crockett Cup Second Round: Sheepherders vs. Midnight Express

Big brawl to start and I think they’re all heels here. I can never remember when the Express turned face but it was huge at the time. Eaton gets double teamed and goes to the floor with Luke. Everything breaks down and Eaton pops Butch with the tennis racket for the pin. This was a mess.

That’s it for the first two rounds so here are the quarterfinals.

Midnight Express
Lex Luger/Sting

Powers of Pain
Road Warriors

Arn Anderson/Tully Blanchard
BYE

Fantastics
Varsity Club

Jimmy Garvin vs. Kevin Sullivan

This is a Prince of Darkness Deathmatch, which means blindfold match. Clipped to them stumbling around until they get their hands on each other in the corner. Garvin keeps trying to point while the fans cheer him. Now logic would ask why he would do that if Precious is outside and he can presumably hear her. Also, if anything goes, why not rip the mask off? The idiocy of the match is that they keep stumbling around without any contact. And there’s a small package (move of the night so far) from Garvin for the pin. Horrible on all levels.

Rick Steiner and Ronnie Garvin come out for the beatdown and save. Ronnie takes a spike to the chest which would be the injury that kept him out of the tournament.

Up next is the final of the Bunkhouse Stampede, which aired on a PPV of the same name in January. The match is clipped here but I’m not watching it again so here’s the full version from the PPV.

Bunkhouse Stampede

Dusty Rhodes, Tully Blanchard, Ivan Koloff, The Warlord (wearing a Lifeguard shirt for no apparent reason), Arn Anderson, Lex Luger, The Barbarian, Animal.

Dusty gets a big entrance of course with all his accomplishments listed. Did I mention he was booking at the time? Seriously, ONLY DUSTY had anything listed about him, including the match he won to qualify here, his world title reigns, his US Title reigns, and his TV Title reigns. No one else got anything but their normal entrances. This could get bad fast. All eight are in there at once. There aren’t any weapons like promised or anything.

Remember, it’s a battle royal in a cage where you have to throw them over the ropes or through the door. My goodness this is idiotic. Apparently it’s unheard of for someone to win three straight Bunkhouse Stampedes. That could be because this is THE THIRD ONE! Wow Dusty lowered some IQs. Everyone is in some screwed up street clothes of some kind and this is just idiotic.

Apparently the referee has to determine if a guy goes over the cage or through the door, since that’s overly complicated I guess. Wow shoving people OVER A CAGE looks stupid. See, when it was a regular battle royal, IT MADE SENSE. Blanchard and Anderson work together of course. Barbarian, Warlord and Koloff are in the same stable mind you so they’ll likely work together. Koloff and Dusty climb the cage due to idiocy.

I’m watching people try to throw PEOPLE over a cage. Does that sound stupid to you or is it just me? How hard would it be to throw someone that is fighting back over a cage wall? Because to me, IT SOUNDS IMPOSSIBLE. Also, there are a lot of people walking around on the top ropes which is just freaking stupid too. No one is out or anything yet.

Arn saves himself from being thrown out the door as I realize how much this sounds like a really bad comedy sketch. Koloff is bleeding. Winner gets half a millon dollars. Not sure if I said that or not but I don’t want to stop the tape long enough to go back and read it. I feel sorry for Ross and Caudle trying to make this sound interesting or intense or whatever it’s supposed to be.

Luger and Dusty just go off as we’re supposed to believe that a guy that is built like Dusty is supposed to be in the same kind of condition as a stallion like Luger. Right. Oh yeah, and keep in mind this whole cowboy southern thing is in NEW YORK CITY. They continue to try to make this sound good and it’s just failing. Wow this was ten days before I was born and 12 before Hogan lost the world title to Andre. Holy crap that’s weird to think about.

Still no one out and we’re almost 15 minutes into this. It’s mainly just people in jeans hitting people with belts and boots. Yeah it’s riveting in case you can’t tell. Dusty’s arm is bleeding from being worked over with a belt. Make this stop please. Animal tries to shove Anderson over the top. I want to break this match.

Koloff, like an idiot, although at this time he’s one of two former world champions in there somehow, climbs over the cage to get away from Animal and gets knocked out to take us down to seven. Oh sweet mercy kill me now. So let’s just keep the camera on Koloff FOREVER as we see the EPIC DRAMA of him standing up. Animal and Warlord fight to the door and Warlord gets knocked to the door. Animal gets kicked in the head by Barbarian and it knocks both guys out in a stupid looking spot.

We have Dusty, Luger, Anderson, Blanchard and Barbarian left. Blanchard gets put in the Rack which at least hurts him. Some fan shouts about how freaking gay this is. Thanks for that. Luger takes a Gourdbuster and the Horsemen try to throw him out. Since Luger didn’t have any gourds on him though, he was fine and stays in.

Anderson, Luger and Blanchard fight by the door and they all go out after like three minutes of fighting. Arn at one point stood on the third step and choked Luger. Yeah he deserved to lose. So we have Barbarian vs. Dusty. Any bets on who wins here? Barbarian gets some brass knuckles and pops Dusty with them. Barbarian hits like three of his top rope headbutt finishers but Dusty fights back baby!

They climb to the top rope for the epic move known as the OH NO THIS MATCH MAKES NO SENSE SO LET’S CLIMB UP SO WE CAN HAVE A REASON TO GET THROWN OVER THE CAGE! Yep, Dusty wins by hitting the elbow to the head and we’re done. Earl Hebner is the referee here but would be in WWF in 12 days for the famous twin angle. Dusty gets a big bronze cowboy boot. Give me a FREAKING BREAK!

We hear about Dusty was considering retiring before this but came back “for the people.” So he was about to leave and came back for the people. So apparently by coming back for the people, he just had to come up with a PPV for himself and put himself over in it. Sure why not.

Rating: F. There was a cage match with a battle royal going on. This was a MASSIVE love letter from Dusty to Dusty. This was all about getting him even FURTHER over and making things look even stupider. Somehow Dusty was the wildcard and the favorite at the same time. He’s US Champion already but was going to retire. I give up. Just a joke of a main event and a show.

Crockett Cup Quarterfinals: Powers of Pain vs. Road Warriors

This is the only match shown from this round. Barbarian vs. Animal gets us going and Animal sends him to the floor with a powerslam. It goes to the floor and the Warriors take over again. Hawk throws the wooden steps at Barbarian and kind of hits him. Paul Jones, the Powers’ manager, freaks out about it to no avail. Hawk vs. Warlord now and Hawk takes over, hitting a middle rope punch for two.

Double teaming by the bad guys take over and Hawk gets beaten down a bit. There’s a big boot to put Hawk down for two. There’s a powerslam for the same. This is kind of winding down I think. Bearhug time which is required in a power match. Hawk kicks him low to escape a full nelson but Barbarian comes in again for a bearhug of his own. There’s some heel miscommunication though and Hawk takes Barbarian down with a clothesline. There’s a hot tag to Animal who cleans house. Animal accidentally clotheslines the referee and everything breaks down. Animal pins Barbarian, Dusty Finish, Powers of Pain win. Blow me.

Rating: D+. The match was ok and then we get a bogus finish to tick off the crowd. It was about Animal hitting the referee by mistake so the Warriors get disqualified. This wasn’t much of a match but considering the circumstances, this was better than it could have been. Either way, it was nice to see a full match.

James J. Dillon vs. Midnight Rider

This is a bullrope match and Rider is Dusty under a mask, but the idea is he’s NOT Dusty which everyone, namely Dillon, knows. You win by pinfall here. Dillon is a manager and part time wrestler and if he wins here then the Rider is unmasked. If it’s Dusty, he’s gone for a year. Why not just write it on a freaking wall then? They’re in street clothes here and Dillon is busted open pretty quickly. Rider uses Dusty’s moves and it’s kind of a wink wink situation. A top rope cowbell shot ends this squash.

Post match another huge masked man comes out after the Rider and the heels beat Dusty down. Steve Williams comes out and gets beaten down as well.

Crockett Cup Semifinals – Sting/Lex Luger vs. Powers of Pain

Sting starts us off with the Warlord and they botch a headscissors spot. Sting gets beaten down again but comes out of the corner with a spinning cross body for two. Magnum goes after Paul Jones and hits him with the riding crop because he’s a mean person. Barbarian dominates a test of strength but Sting manages a monkey flip off the ropes, which I don’t think I’ve ever seen before.

Off to Lex and the good guys are in total control here. We’re at five minutes in and I think it’s been clipped at least a little bit. Barbarian takes over with a powerslam and a BIG boot to rattle Sting’s brain a bit. Everything breaks down again and the fans really don’t care. Know how I know that? The cameraman decides to put the camera on them and show us how boring they are. Warlord picks up Luger but Sting dropkicks Luger’s back so he falls on Warlord for the pin.

Rating: C. I’ve seen worse here and the crowd (while looking bored) at least made some decent noise. At this point and coming into the semi-finals you could clearly see what was going to be the finals and probably the winner. Nothing too bad here and you could see the great teamwork from Sting and Luger that would be around for years and years to come.

Crockett Cup Semifinals – Arn Anderson/Tully Blanchard vs. Fantastics

This should be awesome. Rogers vs. Blanchard to get us going and as usual the Horsemen don’t start out that well. Double teaming puts Blanchard down and the Fantastics dance a bit. Off to Arn vs. Fulton as the champions take over. Fulton is sent into the post on the floor and rolls back in to get beaten up by Blanchard a bit more. Fulton’s tights are half down.

The heels naturally cheat because they’re Horsemen and that’s what they do. Anderson comes in and pounds away even more, but it’s Fulton with a facejam and there’s the hot tag to Rodgers. The Fantastics hit double dropkicks all around and the Rocket Launcher hits Anderson but he’s illegal. Teddy counts it for two anyway and Tully makes the save. Anderson pops in with JJ’s shoe and that’s enough to pin Rodgers.

Rating: C+. Short but it’s still pretty easily the best tournament match of the night so far. The Horsemen vs. Luger/Sting is something you really can’t screw up and I don’t think they will here. Not a classic or anything like that but it’s still a pretty solid match. There was clipping but that’s the nature of the beast on this show.

NWA World Title: Ric Flair vs. Nikita Koloff

Flair runs his mouth a bit and ticks Nikita off. Great heat on the champ too. Barry Windham is here and is even more hated. Barry heads to the back after the entrances and is embraced by the Horsemen. Technical stuff to start and Nikita grabs the arm to start. We’re clipped a bit and Flair has no idea what to do to a muscle dude like Nikita. He finally gets an atomic drop out of the corner and Nikita is finally down.

Koloff fights back and works on Flair’s knee, wrapping it around the post and then slapping on the Figure Four. Out to the floor with Nikita still in control. Flair’s chops and strikes have no effect on Nikita and he’s mad. Nikita bites away in the corner and accidentally pokes the eye of the referee. Flair throws him over the top so Nikita kills him dead with a middle rope Sickle for two because Tommy Young was blind. He hits the Sickle again but he goes flying over the top rope. Back in Flair grabs a rollup for two and a backdrop for Nikita gets the same. And then Flair throws him over the top for the cheap DQ. I really hate that rule.

Rating: D+. The Nikita push was long since over due to his wife dying and him not being as roided up, but there was still enough heat here to make it watchable. That being said, the ending was really weak and hurt the match more than it was going to recover from. Not exactly the Flair vs. Windham classic from last year is it?

Crockett Cup Final: Sting/Lex Luger vs. Arn Anderson/Tully Blanchard

The winner gets a million bucks. Tully vs. Luger to start which is fine for me. Off to Anderson quickly and it’s all Luger with him even busting out a dropkick of all things. Anderson makes a tag while on the floor which doesn’t count because it, you know, illegal. Off to Sting vs. Tully and even Magnum gets in a shot which just feels right. All sting/Luger for the first few minutes here.

Back to Lex and Anderson with some stuff clipped I think. Luger works on Anderson’s arm just like he’s an Anderson. Gee it’s like he learned something during his time in the Horsemen and is incorporating it into his offense now. What black magic is this??? Back to Sting who works on the arm again but the Splash misses in the corner. Back to the fresh Tully who throws Sting over the top for a not-DQ because Dillon had the referee. See how much a manager can help?

Spinebuster puts Sting down and draws some WOOs from the crowd. Not sure I get that one. It turns into a standard tag match now and Sting grabs a Stinger Splash out of nowhere but messes up the Deathlock so Anderson is able to make the save. There’s your tag to Luger and everything breaks down. Magnum trips Anderson and the distraction is enough for Luger to roll him up for the pin and the tournament win.

Rating: C+. Just a regular tag match here for the most part but the crowd carried this a lot. Sting against the Horsemen just felt right which is why I never quite got him being part of them later, even when they were faces. The crowd wasn’t as burned out as you would expect as this was the second night of the tournament which helped A LOT.

There’s a ceremony post match.

Overall Rating: D. I’ve seen worse, but by the end of the tape (just two hours) you’re going to feel worn out. There’s just way too much tag team stuff and REALLY bad non-tournament matches to make this work at all. It’s better than the previous two but that’s not saying much. I’m really glad this one got discontinued because I can’t stand watching them.

 

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Best of the WWF Volume 18
Host: Sean Mooney
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan, Sean Mooney, Alfred Hayes

It’s another of these things and by the laws of science, wrestling and nature, it HAS to be better than Volume 16. After this one we’re going to be halfway through this series so at least we’re getting close to it being done. This is from late 1988/very early 1989, meaning I’ll enjoy it if nothing else. Let’s get to it.

Sean runs down the card for the tape.

Women’s Title: Rockin Robin vs. Sensational Sherri

This is in Paris and Sherri is champion. Sherri jumps her but Robin is a bit too fast for her. A jumping back elbow gets two as Gorilla and Brain talk about this being day #29 since Sherri defended the title. The spotlights are really bright and distracting. Gorilla and Bobby have a dinner bet on this match. Robin is totally dominant so far and gets two off a cross body. These girls at least know what they’re doing.

Robin really likes using a headlock. I mean she really likes it, as in I think she’s used about five in the first few minutes of it. Gorilla and Brain have such basic conversations and they’re just great. I’m fine with that when there’s nothing of note going on (front facelock here) but when Cole does it during a promo or a fast paced match, it’s stupid.

Sherri gets her first move, a full nelson, after about six minutes. It lasts all of ten seconds until Robin reverses to one of her own. Sherri finally takes over and again it lasts a few seconds as she gets rammed into the corner. Sherri gets rammed into more buckles and a jumping clothesline gets two. After nearly ten minutes, Sherri hits her in the ribs to take over. Her offense is really weak, similar to how most modern Divas wrestle.

Robin slams her off the top but she can’t follow up immediately. Cross body gets two. MAN Robin throws a hard chop. Sherri misses a spinning cross body and Robin gets two. Sherri avoids a dropkick but gets caught by a sunset flip for two. Sherri puts her on top for I’m guessing a superplex but Robin jumps off with a middle rope bulldog for the pin and the title.

Rating: B-. This was FAR better than I was expecting. Robin was actually pretty good and I was getting into this. It’s amazing what happens when the girls are actually having a wrestling match instead of trying to be all cute and show off how great they are. In other words, have wrestlers instead of models.

Brutus Beefcake vs. Jacques Rougeau

What an odd choice for a match, but WE GET HEEL ROUGEAU MUSIC!!!!!! Beefcake’s music is pretty awesome too. From what I can tell this is at a Superstars taping in Daytona Beach, Florida. Jacques keeps breaking cleanly to prove he’s a nice guy. He takes over quickly with a nice dropkick and Brutus is all confused. Thank goodness he’s fine.

A high knee puts Jacques on the floor and it’s time for hugs. Gay jokes abound from Mooney. Back inside (no pun intended) and Jacques takes over, hooking a camel clutch. The fans are all over Jimmy here. There’s a Boston Crab which is like a fetish for French Canadians. Jimmy shows off his value, hitting Brutus in the ribs with the megaphone while he’s on the floor.

He stays on the back and ribs, even hooking the abdominal stretch. Hayes complains about it since Gorilla isn’t on commentary here. Brutus ducks a cross body and the fans pop big. Very hot crowd here. There’s an atomic drop and Jacques sells it as it’s meant to be sold. Beefcake tries a splash (odd) but catches knees. Jacques is sent into his manager and the sleeper looks to end this, but Ray Rougeau runs in for the DQ.

Rating: C. Generic but fine here. Brutus was never in any real danger but I don’t get the ending. Why do they need to keep Jacques, a tag wrestler, from losing clean? Brutus was a solid midcard guy at this point and got a lot better around this point. Not a great match or anything, but for a TV main event this would have been fine.

Brain Busters vs. Young Stallions

In Toronto here I think. You could always tell as the camera was always off to the side a bit. There’s no Heenan here, although Gorilla says he might be in the upper deck in drag. That wouldn’t shock me actually. Arn and I think Powers start us off here and it’s a big brawl, won by the Stallions. Back to Tully vs. Powers and Blanchard isn’t sure what to do with him. Nice dropkick by Roma puts him down.

Off to Anderson who should be in the Hall of Fame. Roma (a future Horseman for some reason) snaps off some dropkicks and the Stallions rule the ring again. Blanchard tries to speed things up and that goes as well as anything else he’s tried. The Stallions work on Tully’s leg as this has been one sided so far. Anderson finally realizes he’s a Horseman and comes in with some double teaming to take over.

There’s a spinebuster which didn’t have a name yet. Roma gets beaten down like he’s a glorified jobber and Gorilla complains about the lack of perfection in the abdominal stretch. We get into a standard tag match with Roma being beaten down for awhile. Arn does his “test of strength on the mat and jump onto the other guys’ feet to crotch myself” spot. Blanchard gets taken down also and there’s the double tag. Everything breaks down and during the insanity, Tully cheats (atta boy!) and gets an illegal pin via a sunset flip on Powers.

Rating: C+. Fine match here and the 80s style never fails. It’s not a great match or anything but for a house show match that got about 12 minutes, it’s hard to complain about something like this. The Busters would get the titles later that year and would hold them until Tully got a little bit too high one day.

Here’s the Brother Love Show with Slick as the guest. This is from SNME 18 so I’m going to cut and paste as per usual. The guest is Hogan. Love always scared me to death back in the day. He was just freaky looking. Instead of Hogan he brings out Slick. Hogan is MAD and overacts beyond belief. We get to hear Jive Soul Bro as a consolation prize, making this show substantially better. Ah here’s Hulk. Nothing Love says means anything here as we’re just waiting on Boss Man to come in.

Love asks Hogan questions but keeps cutting him off before he can answer over and over again. He lets Slick answer because something tells me he’s not a nice person. Slick is as tall as Hogan. Never would have guessed that. The look on Hogan’s face is great actually as he’s not used to BLATANT DISRESPECT like this. Finally Hogan just grabs the mic and yells a lot.

Hogan talks about how fake Love is. This is going absolutely nowhere and I’m bored out of my mine. Hulk talks about being a judge and sentencing Love for something or other. He finally beats up Slick and Love. No Boss Man or anything which makes this a HUGE waste of time. Love gets handcuffed somewhere in there. Moving on.

The next match and angle are from SNME 17 so I’m going to cut and paste again. The angle that happened after the match is on the tape also.

We recap Roberts vs. Rude. The idea is that Rude had a gimmick going of giving a woman a kiss after his matches. He picked a woman in the front row and she declined. She said her husband was a pro wrestler. His name is Jake Roberts. Rude started wearing tights with Cheryl’s face on the crotch. Jake literally ripped them off of him and it was censored. In reality he was wearing a thong but you get the idea.

Rude says he’s never embarrassed of his body. Heenan talks about snake charmers hypnotizing snakes and hypnotizes Gene until Rude shouts RUDE AWAKENING. Funny.

Jake and his wife say really generic stuff.

Jake Roberts vs. Rick Rude

What a natural paring this is. No theme music for Jake yet. Rude is wearing those tights again. Jake goes for the tights nearly immediately. Is Cheryl not satisfying him? I’ve watched nearly six minutes of this match and there’s just nothing to say about it. Cheryl gets thrown out for slapping Rude. Vince saying that she shouldn’t be because it didn’t hurt him is very funny for some reason.

Jesse goes on a rant about Vince playing favorites and it’s just freaking boring. I don’t know why but this just isn’t interesting at all. It’s not bad or anything. It’s just not getting my attention at all. Rude dominates for the most part with Jake just punching and looking for the DDT. Rude Awakening is blocked. Jake totally fakes him out by pulling back a punch and there’s the DDT. Instead of the cover though he goes for the tights.

Heenan comes in for the DQ. And here’s Andre, who would beat RVD in any match they had I think should be mentioned, to beat Jake up. Jake gets the snake out and since Andre is a heel, he’s terrified of it. The look on Andre’s face is priceless. Jake throws the snake at him in a smart move. Andre then has a heart attack. WOW.

Rating: D+. Not bad, but just not that interesting really at all. They would have what I guess was supposed to be the other big match at Mania 5 but this was just not a very good match. Oh yeah Rude was involved here. Yeah I couldn’t really care less. Match was ok though.

Here’s a brief profile on the Bushwhackers who are brand new. Gene talks to them and they praise the USA and talk about pushing buttons. They get a 7up and Luke uses his teeth to open it. I mean he takes the teeth out and uses them as a wedge.

Another skit (same clothes) shows them eating a lot and generally being disgusting.

Gene goes to the woods to meet them for the third time and they pop out from under a pile of leaves. It’s camouflage training or something.

WWF World Title: Ted DiBiase vs. Randy Savage

Oh yeah. This is on Savage’s DVD. I love that Fink has to tell us that it’s a cage match, WHEN THE BIG FREAKING CAGE IS AROUND THE RING ALREADY. I know fans are viewed as stupid but come on now. This is escape only and we’re in MSG so the crowd is white hot. DiBiase jumps him as soon as the bell rings. He misses a knee drop though and they slug it out from their knees. This is looking more like a fight than a match which is always cool when you have the talent to pull it off.

DiBiase beats him down and goes up the cage but Savage makes the save. The crowd is way into this already. Savage blocks a shot into the cage, I think. Actually maybe he did because he’s down already. Ted runs again but Savage makes another save. DiBiase gets his feet caught in the ropes coming down so Savage goes up, only to get caught by Virgil to put him back into the cage.

Randy sends him into the cage and goes up but gets punched by Virgil again. They’re doing a lot of “one guy goes up, the other guys saves, then reverse it”, which is great for building drama. Liz asked Superstar Billy Graham earlier today for some advice. “My advice is to gain about 50 pounds so you’ll look better.” That man is an idiot! DiBiase goes for the door but Savage makes the save. Then reverse that order and they do it again.

Both guys go up on opposite sides of the cage but Virgil makes the save. DiBiase jumps down for absolutely no apparent reason and stomps on Savage some more. A suplex is countered by Savage and he goes for the door but Virgil slams the cage on his head to break it up again. Graham goes on another rant about how Liz needs to gain weight to help her man. Savage makes another save as DiBiase goes for the door. He goes off on DiBiase as Virgil climbs up again. A fan climbs the cage to help Savage but Randy rams the heels’ heads together and climbs down to retain.

Rating: B. Solid old school style cage match here with the whole thing being based around drama and near escapes. Graham being an idiot got old fast, with him wanting the premiere sex symbol of wrestling ever up to that point to put on 50 pounds of muscle. Seriously, he said that. Anyway, fun match with lots of drama and DiBiase as the most evil thing around makes for a good main event.

Overall Rating: B+. I really enjoyed this. I don’t know if it was just that I’m a big fan of this era, but this was a really enjoyable 90 minutes of wrestling. It was one of those things you would see at a video store for like eight dollars or so and on that note, you can’t complain at all about it. Good stuff with a good main event is all you can ask for from these and it’s a great way to escape the horrors of Volume 16. Good stuff.

 

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Best of the WWF Volume 16
Host: Gene Okerlund, Outback Jack, Frenchy Martin
Commentator: Gorilla Monsoon

This one has a theme tying it together: we’re going Around The World. I don’t see this ending well. The tape would be from the late 80s, I’d be 87-88 from the looks of things. Well, I certainly like that era so I could think of worst things that we could be looking at. Let’s get to it.

The hosts say nothing of note at all.

Giant Machine vs. Tatsumi Fujinami

This is from Japan (duh) and Tatsumi is the face (duh part 2). We have Japanese commentary here so I have no idea what’s going on. The information I can find says this is from 1985. Oh and Giant Mask is Andre the Giant of course. Tatsumi goes for the leg to start so Andre punches him in the face and suplexes him. Fujinami was the father of a lot of what we would call Cruiserweight stuff so this is a lopsided pairing.

Andre grabs an armpit claw so Fujinami goes for the mask, getting locked in an armbar for his efforts. Tatsumi manages to get him down and tries a Boston Crab but Andre shrugs it off with relative ease. A big boot misses and Tatsumi gets an enziguri to take Andre down to one knee. He pounds away but Andre is like boy please. Tatsumi hits a sunset flip but the referee is distracted by Andre’s manager, so Fujinami slams the referee for the lame DQ.

Rating: D. There’s only so much Fujinami can do here due to the size but Andre sold like I’ve rarely seen him do which was a nice thing to see. This was a style and size clash which really became a problem. Not a horrible match, but this was only going to be able to be so good all things considered. Fujinami is usually awesome.

The hosts talk about Gene going to Japan. Sure why not. He annoys some people and makes Mr. Fuji jokes. Gene goes to a record store and finds the Wrestling Album. He goes into a huge tower and looks at various things, but mainly spies on women at a swimming pool.

Jumping Bomb Angels vs. Bull Nakano/Condor Saito

Nakano is a little famous but isn’t as crazy looking here. I don’t know the Angels’ names so we’ll go with white and black since those are the colors of their outfits. No idea if there’s a story here or not. Big brawl to start and it’s white vs. Saito to get us going. I don’t know if she’s related to Mr. Saito or not. Nakano has some trouble so it’s back to Saito again. She hooks a leglock on black angel as these girls are LOUD.

Condor works over black angel for a good while and this is hard hitting stuff. These aren’t the Divas out there with cute outfits and three pounds of makeup either. They’re fighting hard and having good matches, which you never see anymore. Condor beats the tar out of white and it’s back to Nakano. I don’t think there’s been three straight seconds with no screaming in this.

White does the bridge out of the pin attempt that she used at Survivor Series 87 and messed up the timekeeper with. The Angels double team a lot to take over as this is pure power vs. speed. White vs. Condor now and White hooks a Figure Four. Now Condor bridges out of a pin. Is that just a Japanese thing? The heels (?) double team Black now with Nakano having a nunchuck or something like one. Black takes over with a cross body and everything breaks down again. They spill outside and it’s a double countout.

Rating: C+. Fun match here as joshi is something that is always fired up and intense beyond belief which is was here. The heels would be less famous than their opponents and I’ve never heard of Condor before but she’s pretty and this was a solid performance from here. Knowing what was going on would have helped a lot here.

Gene insults his third culture by having a head scarf on now.

Mr. Fuji vs. ???

This is in Kuwait and we’re not getting any English commentary on this whole tape are we? This is joined in progress with Fuji in control. Allegedly the guy is from the Kuwaiti royal family. He’s blonde and looks like a cross between Flair and Tommy Rich. I think this is outside. We’re told that this is about 5 minutes in. Ok then. Out to the floor quickly and I have no idea who thought this tape was a good idea. This is a squash and the Cobra Clutch ends it. I have no idea why this is on here.

Barry O/Mike Sharpe vs. Killer Bees

Now let’s get to something STUPID. We’re in Puerto Rico for this and it’s outside. The catch: it’s POURING rain. I mean there are puddles in the ring. The ring looks like something you would see at an elementary school based indy company. Thankfully Gorilla is on commentary here (he was the owner/promoter of a Puerto Rican company and sold interest to Vince in exchange for lifetime employment. There’s your trivia for the review) so I know what’s going on.

Sharpe vs. Blair with Sharpe accidentally hitting Barry O (as in Orton, Randy’s uncle) for some heel miscommunication. Off to Brunzell (I think, it’s that hard to see) and this is ridiculous. They can’t take a single step without water going everywhere. This is clearly a safe working environment right? Barry gets beaten down for awhile until the heels cheat or maybe Brunzell slipped. The referee falls down as everyone is slipping. Brunzell rolls up Sharpe out of mercy to end this.

Rating: N/A. It wouldn’t be fair to rate this match as they couldn’t perform like they’re supposed to due to the water. The match was nothing to see but the weather was, which isn’t something you often can say.

Ultimate Warrior vs. Hercules

From Italy, likely around 88. The commentary is in Italian but at least I know who everyone is. They walk around a lot before much contact is made. Mania 4 is mentioned so I’d bet this is post that show, which was on 3/27/88. Very basic power match here with Warrior in control for the most part. Warrior drops him with the press slam but misses a splash to put both guys down. Full nelson goes on but Warrior easily breaks it. Herc is no Masterpiece I guess. They fight to the floor for a weak double countout. This was nothing.

Jim Duggan vs. Andre the Giant

I think this is from the same show as the Warrior match. Stalling to start as Duggan won’t put the board down. Remember that this is in Italian so it’s hard to tell what’s going on. The referees like talking about the referee’s name (Tim White) for some reason. We finally get going and Duggan charges right into a punch and let the fat man offense begin. Andre sends him to the floor and does the Duggan thumb up. Ok point for a funny idea.

Andre hammers him with the basic offense that he was known for….well that he was always known for. He sits on Duggan in the corner and we hear about Hulk a bit. Duggan fires away and Andre has a headache. Off to a choke and this is going nowhere fast. Andre chokes with his strap as he is known to do and they talk about White again. What is up with that?

I think I’m learning Italian from this. Referee is publico and Duggan is translated to Hacksaw Jim. Duggan fights back and gets Andre tied up in the ropes as is his custom where he pounds away. Andre’s strap is down which is a weird look for him. He escapes and pounds away as we get a Hogan chant. Andre covers his ears, allowing Duggan to get in a shot. Andre misses a kneeling headbutt but a boot/splash ends this.

Rating: D-. Andre was in horrible shape here but the Hogan chant and Andre covering his ears made me chuckle a bit. This feud went on forever and never went anywhere, other than Duggan knocking him out with the board to the head once. The match was bad, but it was due to Andre’s horrible condition (not his fault).

Duggan fights back with the board post match.

Gene is now in Australian Outback gear. We go to the Outback where Gene is with a koala bear. He talks to some Australian guy and asks about the WWF and fish. And here’s Ricky Steamboat. Well he’s more entertaining than anything else so far. He has a koala as well and now let’s go look at some kangaroos. Steamboat’s shorts leave very little to the imagination. SD Jones and Paul Roma are in the background for some reason. Steamboat names the kangaroo Henry. Jones and Roma come in and praise the fans a bit and Australia is awesome!

Jack and Frenchy argue for no apparent reason.

Now it’s time to hear about where Outback Jack is from. He’s from Humpty-Doo. I kid you not. We see what I believe were all the skits and promos about him coming. First up we see him looking at a crocodile and he says if you can take it here, you can take it anywhere. Now he’s in a jeep and goes to a bar for a beer. Now he beats someone armwrestling with a bunch of empty beer cans next to him. Now a cow is drinking beer. Now Aborigines are painting his face around a fire. Now he’s wrestling some big animal. Now he’s walking in the woods. Now we’re done. WHAT WAS THAT???

Harley Race vs. Junkyard Dog

This is in Paris from 87 and Race is the King. Andre the Giant is referee and is a member of the Heenan Family with Race so guess what happens here. Dog takes over to start and Race sells like crazy for him. Andre cheats as a referee as French commentary gets on my nerves. Race takes over because he’s awesome and this is really needing to end soon. Chinlock time which doesn’t last long at least. Dog suplexes him for a cover but Andre won’t count.

Race clotheslines him down and it’s back to the chinlock. Uh Dog, you can move you know. Out to the floor for nothing of note. GET TO THE ENDING PEOPLE! Dog Barks Up and pounds away but Andre gets in his face. Powerslam gets no count because Andre is evil you see. A belly to belly and a headbutt set up another headbutt but Race hurts his head this time. The on all fours headbutts put Race down again but Race hits him in the throat. Race wins for some reason off that.

Rating: F. This. Got. Ten. Minutes. I can’t imagine what could be left on here, but I’m almost done.

The hosts argue even more.

Fabulous Rougeau Brothers vs. New Dream Team

In France still and the New Dream Team is Bravo/Valentine. We have 11 minutes in the tape to go. I can get through this. I know I can. Joined in progress for no apparent reason. Ray is in trouble and the fans cheer for the French boys. Valentine gets caught with a knee to the balls so Bravo comes in again. Time for a bearhug to keep the high level of this tape going. A piledriver is countered but Jacques can’t get a tag in.

Valentine mocks wanting to box Jacques for no apparent reason. The beating goes on like six minutes and Bravo hits his side suplex finisher on Ray but it’s not a finisher yet I don’t guess as Ray pops up and takes Bravo down. There’s the hot tag and everything breaks down. Sleeper to Valentine but Bravo breaks it up. A figure four is attempted but Ray sunset flips Valentine for the pin.

Rating: D. It’s a bit better, but good night would it have killed them to give us ANY bigger named team? Horribly dull match and I don’t even want to think about how much longer this could have been. Weak match but given how weak the teams were in there (bad time for the Rougeaus at this point) and a perfect ending to an AWFUL tape.

Overall Rating: Who. As in WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA????? I mean MAN this was horrible. Out of like 8 matches, one has English commentary. The biggest star on the tape is I guess Duggan, and if this was from 88 he’s probably the third or fourth biggest face in the company. No Hogan, no Savage, no DiBiase, no one interesting in other words. I have no idea what the thinking here was, but this somehow has taken the spot of worst Coliseum Video ever, and if you’re familiar with that series, you get what that means. Get me ANYTHING else to watch please.

 

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Survivor Series 1988
Date: November 24, 1988
Location: Richfield Coliseum, Richfield, Ohio
Attendance: 13,500
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Jesse Ventura

So we’ve arrived at the second annual Survivor Series. Things are a bit different now, with the main difference being that Savage is your world champion, having won the tournament at WM 4. Your main feud here is the Mega Powers vs. the Twin Towers, more commonly known as the Big Boss Man and Akeem, or the One Man Gang. They’re feuding with the Mega Powers because they’re monster heels and the names rhyme.

DiBiase is in the main event because he just doesn’t like Hogan, and Rooster and Haku are in it because they’re members of the Heenan Family who hates Hogan as well. On the other side you have Hercules, who is mad because he was sold like a slave to DiBiase and turned face because of it, Hillbilly Jim because he was Hogan’s best friend of the month, and Koko because we needed another Hall of Fame member in here.

This show as well as the next one are notorious for being slapped by substitutions. For instance, Jim Brunzell is in the opening match as a singles wrestler. He’s replacing Don Muraco, who was fired, more than likely due to a high level of suck. Brunzell’s team, the Killer Bees, had broken up due to being jobbers. Blair was supposed to be the replacement for Junkyard Dog, who left to head back to the NWA right after he and Rude started feuding.

However, Blair quit because he didn’t want to be a jobber so he was replaced by the immortal Scott Casey. This would be about like putting A-1 from the old days of TNA in the main event. People know his name, but that’s about it. He was completely off the wall and from out of absolute left field, so he’s one of the more infamous picks in history.

Also, we have a HUGE tag team survivor match, which is famous for something at the end which I’ll get to later. Anyway, this was a tape I always wanted from Blockbuster but it was stolen so I never got to see it. I think I saw it once about 15 years ago, so this is going to be new for me as well. Let’s do it.

Oddly enough, Gene does the introductions. Jesse and Gorilla are the commentators, but they just do the talking.

Ultimate Warrior’s Team vs. Honky Tonk Man’s Team

Warrior’s Team: Brutus Beefcake, Sam Houston, Blue Blazer, Jim Brunzell
Honky’s Team: Danny Davis, Ron Bass, Greg Valentine, Bad News Brown

Ok so let me get this straight. Honky got annihilated last year so he has 60% of the same team now, including a former referee who somehow got worse in the last year, but he replaces Hercules with Greg Valentine (upgrade) and Harley Race with a guy that is a career loner. …right. Yeah this is going to go bad. However, that’s not much of a face team over there.

Warrior of course is insane as always, Brutus is fine, but Sam Houston never did anything, Brunzell is half of a career jobbing tag team, and Blue Blazer was a comedy character to an extent, although Owen of course was very talented. Dang Beefcake comes out to Warrior’s music. Actually they all do. Oh yeah you might want to know the feuds. Warrior had stolen the IC Title from Honky in about a minute at Summerslam.

Brutus and the other three are just there. Can you imagine Warrior’s recruitment speeches? Brutus is co-captain here for no apparent reason. Maybe because it was supposed to be him facing Honky at Summerslam I guess. For the heels…yeah there’s nothing I guess. I think Houston and Bass were feuding but it went nowhere. For those of you that don’t know, Houston is the half brother of Jake Roberts.

Yeah the talent was clearly in the mother’s side of the family. Brown is already described as a loner. Gorilla once against says that they’re hanging from the rafters. No they’re actually not Monsoon. Just as he was last year, Brutus is your first face in the match. Valentine is rocking the chic yellow and blue. I’m trying to be nice by saying chic.

Holy crud Davis is gone in about a minute. Well at least they didn’t waste time. He’s “asleep”. I never got that. If the sleeper hold is that powerful and can knock someone out in 8 seconds, why aren’t doctors trained in it in medical school? It would eliminate the need for sleeping pills. Oh dear Jim Brunzell. What was the point in putting him on this team? Was there NO ONE else available?

Seriously, this is the best you can find? He’s rocking some silver/gray/red tights which I suppose is better than what the Bees wore. I’ve always liked that old Survivor Series logo, the one that looks like stones. It’s just cool looking, as most 80s wrestling logos were. Brown comes in and just dominates. I guess he would be co-captain by default? Why not I suppose as he’s the biggest star on the heel team other than Honky.

After just beating Brunzell up, the Ghetto Blaster, which has to be the coolest name for a move in history, eliminates the Bee. DAng  we’re down two inside of 6 minutes. Houston comes in now. Good night is he small. He was supposed to be some tough Texas guy but I’m not sure if he weighs more than 215lbs. He tries to beat on Bad News and shockingly, this doesn’t work.

I love seeing tough heels beat on small people. I don’t know why. Maybe I’m a natural heel. Anyway, after more bad offense from the faces, Hammer tags in Bad News and accidentally hits him. Yep, this isn’t going to end well at all. They’re pulled apart and Bad News just walks out for the count out. Why would you pick him anyway?

I get that he’s a tough fighter but dang man, at least pick someone that you can trust. Wait, they’re heels. You’re not supposed to trust them. Either way, Brown was awesome as possible and this was even more proof. When you’re a heel that doesn’t even get involved with other heels, then you know it’s awesome.

For the next two minutes or so, Houston doesn’t tag out. Now I know that doesn’t sound like a long time, but when you consider that there are three other guys on his team to tag, that’s an eternity. Even Gorilla is getting on him about not tagging. This would be fine if it was Bret or Tully or someone with you know, that thing called a lot of talent.

Houston is just flat out boring. He’s like the X-Pac of this match: he’s fine against guys of his own size, but not against monsters. I don’t know if the non tagging thing was planned or not, but if it wasn’t, his career is pretty much over. Oh wait. This is the highlight of his career more than likely though, so ignore that. Gorilla says this is the biggest match he’s ever been in, which is wrong as he was in the opener for Wrestlemania this year, so no he’s been in big matches before.

Like I was saying about not fighting bigger guys, the issue with this is shown as Bass powerslams him and easily beats him. Blue Blazer finally comes in as we haven’t seen Warrior yet. Honky is brought in so at least he can waste his time in there. Yeah he was barely in. Back off to Hammer as I can’t help but think that Blazer looks like he’s wearing a diaper. Seriously, it’s a blue singlet with white/gray tights.

He goes up top and in a very stupid looking sequence, Honky shoves him off. This apparently injures his knees badly enough for the figure four to take him out. That leaves us with Honky, Bass and Valentine against Brutus and Warrior. Something tells me this isn’t going to go well for the heels. When the best thing you’ve got is an over the hill Greg Valentine, that’s a bad place to be. My goodness he might be the best thing in this match since there’s no Brutus music.

Brutus and Honky are in here now, and I smell a double elimination coming. Honky’s tights says Wild Thing. Make your own jokes about that. The sleeper leads to a sleeper on the floor and there it is: the double count out. Ok so I knew that was coming so what? So we have Warrior against two people slightly above jobber status.

I’ll say they last 2 minutes max. Yep, after 2 minutes 10 seconds and a pair of double axe handles to the head (wtf?) and Warrior wins after having a total of about 2 minutes in the ring. This was REALLY bad.

Rating: D. Yeah, this was horrible. It was a bunch of jobbers waiting for Warrior to come in and beat people up. It went almost 20 minutes and I was falling asleep for part of that, and this is coming from someone that’s a huge late 80s WWF fan.

It was just flat out bad all around with no real highlights, no good workers, and just a pointless match all around. Horrible and by far and away the worst SS match to date, and also the only under 20 minutes so far I believe. Actually that’s not true as the first match went 18:50.

Bad News Brown said he showed that he’s a loner and he wants to be the next WWF Champion. There was allegedly a plan to make that happen, but depending on who you ask, Vince was either a racist or just lied. If this tells you anything about Brown, consider this. He was on a tour in Japan with Andre the Giant.

Andre made a racist comment and Brown got off the bus and challenged Andre to a legit fight. Andre backed down. Brown was a legit fighter, having won a bronze medal in Judo in the Olympics, the only American to ever medal in the heavyweight division.

Warrior says that his whole team won. At least that’s what I think he said.

Demolition’s Team vs. Power’s of Pain’s Team

This is the epic tag team match that lasts over 40 minutes. The ending is by far and away the most famous part of it and I’ll explain why when we get there. Here are the lineups.

Demolition’s Team: Brain Busters, The Conquistadors, Bolsheviks, Fabulous Rougeau Brothers.
Powers of Pain’s Team: Rockers, Young Stallions, Hart Foundation, British Bulldogs.

Yes the Powers of Pain are indeed the faces here and have some pretty good music. Rockers are the epitome of rookies here as they’ve only been in the company a few months. Harts are still going strong, the Stallions look somehow more interested in each other than Legacy does, and the Bulldogs are on the verge of leaving, as they would be gone before the night was over, due mainly to them not being needed anymore but also due to a fight between Dynamite and Jacques Rougeau.

There are 20 people in the ring which is a pretty cool visual. The same rules apply as last year as it’s one member of a team being eliminated means his partner is gone too. Jimmy, Bobby, Fuji and Slick meet at ringside. Is anyone missing there from the late 80s managers? We start up with Davey against one of the Conquistadors. They were a pair of jobbers that Edge and Christian imitated in I think 2000 or 2001 in a hilariously funny bit.

Shawn is insanely fast out there. He must be on the good drugs tonight. The camera angle is very odd here as it’s mainly coming from the corner of the ring. It’s not bad but it’s very odd and actually a bit hard to get used to. I think the ring mic is broken as for a bit there’s no sound coming from any of the bumps. My goodness Blanchard and Anderson were awesome. For some reason Jesse still can’t tell the Rougeaus apart, DESPITE THEM LOOKING NOTHING ALIKE!

Good grief Gorilla rambles at times. It’s rare but when it happens it blows away JR’s badness. The crowd pops big for Bret as even back then they knew how big of a star he would be. He gets rid of the Rougeaus to clear the ring out a bit thank goodness.

I love how almost immediately after a pinfall we get a tag every time. It’s a Stallion against a Bolshevik. The tagging here is ridiculously fast as are the changes in control between the teams. The Harts against Demolition is about as awesome of a tag feud as you would ever find. The crowd kind of pops for the Powers of Pain coming in to fight Demolition which was the main feud of this match. This looks like a screwed up lumberjack match.

This is in the middle of Demolition’s epic reign which would last the better part of two years. Blanchard against Hart now, in what can only be described as a technical masterpiece. Before I’m done typing that Shawn and Axe are in. See what I mean about the speed of the tags? Becca’s soul dies a bit as Shawn is gang attacked in the corner. Arn hits a spinebuster. What do we call that?

Since it has to be attributed to someone else because no one but AA ever did it, how do we attribute it to the guy that made it famous? Jesse continues to make fun of Gorilla’s age which never ceased to make me laugh. Why was that spinning kick that Volkoff did considered impressive? It gets all of a foot off the ground and typically hits the upper thigh. Why is that considered impressive? Warlord somehow almost botches a slam. That’s hard to do.

Jesse says that Warlord is beating up Axe as Warlord is being knocked all over the place. I love wrestling announcers. Barbarian hits a….he hit a…what in the heck was that? It looked like a kick to the face but apparently it hit Smash in the ribs? I have no idea what he did but I don’t think it worked that well. We’re at almost 15 minutes here and we’ve had one elimination. I see why this took so long to do. Why is it that powerslams always look awesome?

Boris eliminates the Young Stallions who Jesse was raving about earlier on, talking about how improved they were. Let’s see. Last year they were one of two surviving teams and this year they’re out second. Jesse is usually great but yeah he missed on this one. And they lost to the Bolsheviks. Who in the world loses to the freaking BOLSHEVIKS?

Shawn beats on the fake Russian for a bit. See, that’s a sign of how horrid you are: if Shawn Michaels from the late 80s can beat you up, you really do suck. As they have all night, Demolition whips some Powers of Pain. I think I detect a slight boring chant. Why? This is pretty good stuff.

In a very quick set of moves, the Russians are knocked out but the Rockers. WOW how bad does that make the Young Stallions look? Also, they’ve been around at least a year. How long are they going to be young for? As Jesse says at least we can see a bit better now. For those of you that can’t scroll up and read who was on each team, your lineups are now Demolition, Conquistadors and Brain Busters vs. Rockers, Bulldogs, Powers of Pain and Harts.

Tully is getting into masterful levels of 80s heel work here. He makes it look so easy that it’s scary. Gorilla says we’re getting close to the, as he made famous, nitty gritty. No, not really. Of 9 teams that could be eliminated, we’ve gotten rid of 3. At the most one team is 40% done. How is that getting down to the end? The Conquistadors are just so completely worthless it’s hilarious. I never remember them doing anything at all.

Come to think of it I don’t remember them ever wrestling other than this. The Brain Busters are managed by the Brain. Does that mean they beat up their manager? Is he working for them out of fear? I think this was a Horseman coup that was never followed up on. Yeah that must be it. I need my medicine. Smash uses that really bad hold where he just twists the neck of the other guy to one side.

I get how that could hurt, but is that seriously the best you can do? Is there NOTHING else that you could do to make things at least look painful? Jesse desperately tries to cover up for this by talking about how the wrestlers train their necks but even a politician can’t convince me that he’s trying to hide something. Actually that might be why I don’t believe him.

I officially love this match as we’ve had two jumping reverse elbows. Hart comes in and just about kills Tully. Bret with a German suplex but Tully gets the pin. I love how Bret has to drop his shoulders as he realizes he did the move perfectly and had to make sure he screwed up. The Busters and the Rockers start a big brawl in the ring, complete with Smash yelling to take him out to one of the Busters.

All four are eliminated so we’ve got Demolition and the Conquistadors vs. Powers of Pain and the Bulldogs. The booing for both teams being thrown out is great. They fight up the aisle as I believe this would lead to a great 2/3 falls match on Saturday Night’s Main Event. I believe we have a Pat Patterson sighting as he tries to break this up. That’s just humorous.

After 28 minutes, we’ve arrived at what was the standard Survivor Series match for the 90s. I’ve always wondered how we went from 5 to 4 with no apparent reason. It would change over next year with no explanation as to why. I’d certainly assume that it was time, but at least letting us know would be nice. After half an hour we finally discuss how to tell the Conquistadors apart.

Thanks for the rapid timing of that one guys. Now we’re in some great 80s tag stuff here. Now that’s not to say the rest of this hasn’t been awesome because it has, but this is actually the best it’s been so far. Davey was so freakishly strong it’s scary. The commentators try so hard to keep from calling the Powers of Pain idiots but you can tell they’re about to crack. Jesse says that we’re finally getting to Demolition vs. the Powers of Pain.

It’s not as good as the third time it happened earlier, it’s about equal to the first, but it’s miles ahead of the second. I wonder if Stu taught his people how to do that basic cover. Bret always used it and now Dynamite is. It’s the one where he just kind of lays over the shoulders with his hand on the far wrist and is kind of leaning up. You’d know it if you saw it I’m sure. Jesse continues to rave about the Conquistadors.

Demolition gets it down to 2-1 by eliminating the Bulldogs. Oh dear that means it’s all Powers of Pain from here on out. Someone help me please. I can’t do this on my own. Oh yeah I have to because no one else is stupid enough to review a show that I don’t have to put up until November in mid-August. Fuji gets up on the apron with the heels in control which rightly confuses the announcers. Jesse asks if Gorilla would buy a used car from Fuji.

Oddly enough he asked the same about Slick at WM 4. That’s an odd question to ask. Fuji gets up there again and even Jesse has no idea why. Oddly enough, Fuji pulls the top rope down and causes Smash to fall to the floor, despite him being Fuji’s talent. This causes Demolition to be eliminated. Axe goes after him and Fuji says that he’s the boss so he makes the decisions. Fuji nails Axe with the cane which of course does nothing.

Demolition beats up Fuji to completely turn face to a great pop. I don’t want to see Fuji’s stomach. This leaves the Powers of Pain against the Conquistadors. The “faces” go to the floor and helps Fuji up, turning them heel, AND WE HAVE A DOUBLE TURN!

Yes, in only the second time in history that I can remember it (the other being Hart vs. Austin at WM 13), we have the unbelievably rare double turn. The problem was that Demolition was getting no heat at all as they were so wildly popular, and the Powers of Pain were getting very small face pops but major heat, mainly due to the fact that neither were very good in the ring at all.. They were definitely going to be the big feud in the near future, so this was the solution.

This is why the match is famous as it not only set up the handicap tag title match at Wrestlemania 5 with the Powers of Pain and Fuji against Demolition, but it also gave us the double turn. The turn by the Powers of Pain was almost a huge sigh of relief for the fans as it gave the fans almost exactly what they wanted. Fuji hooks the leg of the Conquistador to allow Barbarian to hit a headbutt for the pin, and a huge pop?

Why? Why after that heel turn would you pop bigger for the heels than you did when they were faces? Where is this show again? Oh yeah it’s outside of Cleveland. Dang I can’t make fun of the city since I’m an Indians fan. Did we just have heel vs. heel for the final two there? Fuji celebrates with the Powers of Pain after the match, which confuses the announcers to no end. Demolition comes back out and beat up the Powers of Pain.

Don’t you just love how a simple heel turn makes the indestructible faces very destructible all of a sudden? The fans aren’t really sure what happened which is understandable I guess. See this is why promos can be so important. In a simple promo which I’m sure is coming, this whole thing can be explained.

It could be confusing here as maybe Fuji turned face and Demolition continued being heels by beating up the now face manager to go with the face team. We hear what happened by the announcers, but no one in the arena can hear that. Like I said, a simple promo clears everything up here, which is the power of the microphone I suppose.

Rating: A. Not just for the double turn, but for how great the match as a whole was. This was just flat out awesome on all levels. It was more or less every great 80s tag team in there at once and even complete with jobbers to fill in the gaps. The tagging speed was off the charts to say the least and everything worked very well. This is far better than last year’s tag one, which is saying a lot as last year’s was great. This is great stuff though and well worth checking out.

Jake Robert’s Team vs. Andre the Giant’s Team

Jake’s Team: Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Scott Casey, Tito Santana, Ken Patera
Andre’s Team: Dino Bravo, Harley Race, Mr. Perfect, Rick Rude

Well, this is a far better list of guys than in the other singles match but that’s really not saying a lot. We have Hacksaw and Jake who are both feuding with Andre as Hacksaw actually knocked him out cold with the 2×4 and Jake was just feuding with him. Jake was also fighting Rude over his wife which I believe actually was an issue in real life. The others, as usual, are just there for the sake of being there which is a problem in these matches.

Often times there’s no point at all for them being there and it can just get annoying and make you try to come up with a reason when there isn’t one. I think most of the heels are just there because they’re members of the Heenan Family. I have a very bad feeling about this match as there’s three big names out there with Andre, Roberts and Duggan, and Andre is hurt at this point.

Perfect isn’t a big deal yet at all, Casey is a no name, Santana is a jobber for the most part and Patera would be gone by the end of the year, mainly due to him just being horrid. On the other side, Race is old and is here because he’s almost broke, Rude is just hitting his stride so we’ll say he’s good too I guess, and Bravo was just there to help other more talented guys for his entire career. And I’m right.

The first at least 5 minutes of this is just horrid with the faces beating on the heels which no one can realistically believe. That of course leads to Patera missing one move and getting eliminated by the Rude Awakening. Wow that was really stupid. The announcers talk about how his skills are diminishing and he should consider retiring. Yeah that’s a nice thing to say about him.

He’d be gone and in the AWA within a few months, so maybe he listened to the commentary. Casey comes in immediately and is immediately crushed. Well that was nice of Rude. At least he didn’t let Casey think he was talented or anything. The announcers amuse me greatly as they try to come up with accolades for Casey but they have to be as vague as possible since they know nothing at all about him.

His looks aren’t helping much either as he’s just short and kind of fat. He looks a bit like Eugene actually.  Race actually hits a decent looking dropkick on him. Then, in one of the weirdest botches I’ve ever seen, Casey sits up to avoid an elbow. Casey sells it like he hit it though. Someone missed their cue here. We have a guy that’s never been seen before or since, or a 7 time world champion and one of the greatest wrestlers of all time.

I don’t even have a snide finish for that one as you get my point. Jesse points out that it’s weird that Race has so many tattoos. That’s actually a good point. He just doesn’t seem like the tattoo type but he’s certainly got a lot of them. Bravo ends him in about 15 seconds. That was long and painful. This match, like the first one, is just boring. Nothing of note is happening here and it’s just all random skirmishes with nothing of note happening.

Usually I’ll watch a segment and then I’ll pause it and write then start it up again. I don’t have to do that here, as I know I’m not going to miss anything. Wait that might be something. Oh never mind. I thought we might have something interesting there for a second but it wasn’t. A near fall is actually getting me somewhat awake here. That can’t be good. We’re talking 5-6 minutes of just random offense with no drama to it at all.

Why? What is the point to any of this? Even Tito Santana who I’m a big mark for is boring me to death out there, and it’s not like these are bad matchups. Santana against Perfect, Rude or Race sounds quite good to me. This match breaks thirty minutes and it’s just horrid. Normally I would say that you could just drop 10 minutes off of two matches and put in different people, but here that’s just not the case.

The problem is simple: again, we have 50 people wrestling tonight. There’s just not enough people to have a 5th match so the 4 you have are forced to go WAY too long. Now in the tag they pulled it off very nicely. In these other two, they’re just complete and utter failures. See, why are people like Bravo in this? They have no connection to anyone out there at all, so why should we care? In short, we don’t.

FINALLY Santana is out of there and it’s Roberts. No wait. Bravo makes the stop and Santana gets beaten up even more. What is the point to this? It’s 5-3 in case you’re bored and want to see numbers instead of letters. From absolutely nowhere Santana hits the forearm to beat Race. I would love to have seen these two 5-6 years ago with about 20 minutes to work with.

That could have been some great stuff to say the least. Andre immediately comes in and just kills him as we’re finally getting something interesting or at least something pretending to be interesting, ala the bar room at the moment. Those punches from Andre are just flat out scary. Tito, like a freaking idiot, tries a sunset flip. You know where this leads and Duggan is the next guy in. To a HUGE pop, a single shot and Andre is tied up in the ropes.

All of a sudden the crowd is alive. Roberts comes in and just beats the heck out of Andre. How many people can say that? You know, Jake and Duggan are probably your 3rd and 4th biggest faces at this point, or are at least in contention for that spot along with Warrior. Warrior was just in the midcard at this point while Duggan and Roberts were in a feud with Andre who was of course still a major star at this point.

Hacksaw would be dropped soon though to feud with Bad News which was just horrid as they were the exact same style. Now we get back to the problem of this match: nothing happens for long stretches of time. Here’s a summary of the next five minutes: face gets pounded on, face makes a short comeback, face gets pounded on, face makes a short comeback, face tags, face gets pounded on, face makes a short comeback. This is just boring me to death.

Duggan is in there now after Roberts was beaten half to death. What’s this? It looks like a short comeback. Like the idiot that he is, Duggan gets the 2×4 and beats on Bravo with it to make this 4-1. For another SEVEN FREAKING MINUTES Jake gets beaten down and makes small comebacks. In other words, in about 14 minutes we had one moment that was close to interesting. Everybody beats on him for about two minutes each.

FINALLY Rude gyrates over him and gets a DDT for his trouble to eliminate him and breathe some life back into him. Andre comes in and beats/chokes Jake half to death to get disqualified. It’s 2-1 but Jake is just dead. He choked him for probably 35-40 seconds straight so Jake should be dead.

Andre headbutts him and Perfect just walks in and covers him to win it. Perfect is called Mr. Perfect Curt Hennig which sounds kind of odd. Jake gets the snake to a big pop but there’s no one in the ring. Jesse says that this was too little too later which is true.

Rating: F. This was AWFUL. There was about 20-25 minutes of dead spots here and no one wanted to see it. It was mainly jobbers that weren’t interesting and it was about getting Jake or Hacksaw against Andre which happened for all of 45 seconds. This was just flat out boring and I was flipping through the channels while this happened. That’s never happened while I was watching a major show before. I HATED this match.

Andre takes offense to Sean suggesting that he’s afraid of snakes and that he’ll beat Jake…whenever they fight that is.

Jake says that he did ok considering it was 4-1 and that he’s not going to cry. He also calls the show survival series.

Mega Powers Team vs. Twin Towers Team

We’re at the main event of the longest PPV of all time, or at least it seems like it. Either way, this is the last of the four matches. The lineups read like this.

Mega Powers: Hogan, Savage, Koko B. Ware, Hillbilly Jim, Hercules
Twin Towers: Akeem, Big Bossman, Red Rooster, Haku, Ted DiBiase

Akeem is the former One Man Gang, and that gives me the right to post this video.

Savage gets a HUGE pop. See what a guy with talent can get out of the crowd? Jesse butchers the name of the world title which is hard to do. Fink sounds like he’s on speed or something. Mark this down: Koko and Terry Taylor are main eventing a major PPV. This will NEVER happen again. How in the world are Savage and DiBiase not in the Hall of Fame but Ware is?

Of the ten people in this match, 4 of them I could see being in the Hall of Fame: Hogan, Savage, DiBiase, Boss Man. Boss Man is by far the biggest stretch but he would at least make a touch of sense. Koko makes less than no sense. Dang even the announcer belongs in there more than he does. Speaking of which, has there ever been a more lackluster induction than Fink? No one ever brings up that he’s in the Hall of Fame, despite him being one of the oldest and more beloved employees in the company.

I’ve already explained the reasons for the feuds so I’ll spare you from a repeat. Hogan’s pop is otherworldly. We start off with a rematch of the main event of Wrestlemania as Savage and DiBiase are going at it once again. If you can find it, and it might be on the Savage DVD, find the cage match that these two have. It’s absolutely great. Gorilla and Jesse praise DiBiase and call him championship material.

Truer words have never been spoken. For those of you that have never read my Wrestlemania 4 review, there’s an interesting story on the original plans for Wrestlemania 4. In case you’ve forgotten, DiBiase had a master plan which involved Andre taking out Hogan or at least wearing him down enough so that DiBiase would win the tournament and therefore the title. Savage would have been facing Honky for the IC Title and wouldn’t be an issue.

In the original booking, that was going to be what happened: DiBiase’s plan worked and he would be champion over the summer with Hogan chasing him for the one on one rematch but never getting the clean win. Savage would take the title at Summerslam which I guess would have also had Hogan-Andre 3 or something. Then the Mega Powers angle would have been 8 months long instead of a year.

Savage would have been IC champion and having a feud with Bigelow and dropping the belt to him before fighting DiBiase, although I’ve heard the Bigelow story from far fewer sources. That’s actually not a horrible idea and I really like it. However, Honky more or less cried about losing the title so we got what we got now.

ANYWAY, they’re fighting here and now in a non title match at the beginning of the main event of the longest feeling show of all time. See, even the descriptions have to be overly long. Actually they’re not as Hercules is in now. Rooster goes for some hold that would later be called the sharpshooter. The idea behind Rooster at this point was more or less Heenan saying he could manage anyone to success, even a no talent guy like chicken boy over here.

Oh yay it’s Koko vs. Rooster in a real cock fight. What? Haku, the second most successful member of his team and the current King of the WWF is in now. The announcers question tagging in Hercules again when he’s already been in. Is he tired after all of a minute in the ring and a minute rest? I know he’s not the best wrestler in the world but give him some credit. Hogan beats on Haku for awhile before Jim gets in.

Hogan gave Jim his first pair of boots which was actually a fairly sweet moment. The Red Rooster is wrestling Hillbilly Jim. My goodness this is weird to write for the main event of a PPV. Jim is the epitome of a guy that found something that worked and RAN with it. The key to Jim was simple: give him to the fans in small doses and they simply won’t get tired of him.

I can almost guarantee you that if Jim came out for a one night appearance in his traditional stuff and clapped to his song on Raw, he would get one of the biggest pops you could imagine. The fans just bought into it and it worked. Another key: he was never really a serious character and that was another key. WWE needs to understand something: not every character can reach the main event. Eugene is the best example.

As a comedy character that did random things he was INSANELY over. They put him in a big storyline and he was booed out of the building. Jim never really went past the midcard, but he’s a beloved legend that has a job to this day. See what being a goofy character and accepting that can get you? On a random note, how many times will you have a pair of Kentucky boys (Savage and Jim) in the same main event? Hogan and Rooster. KILL HIM HULK!

It’s no surprise that Taylor kept a job for so long since Vince loves cocks. Elbow kills Taylor to make it 5-4. All five have this massive party in the ring over it. The world champion pinned a jobber after everyone beat on him. Is this worth a celebration? Time for Haku and Savage. Ok make that Hulk. Yeah these fast tags are getting annoying. Haku gets a dropkick and almost misses Hogan because he’s so high in the air. That’s freaking impressive.

Jim and Akeem hammer on each other for awhile but Air Africa ends the country boy. Oh look it’s Koko again. He’s in for about 20 seconds so life is good again as Hogan replaces him. He actually uses a full nelson to hold Savage in place. Hogan used a decent submission. You’ll probably never see that again. After about 3 shots by Akeem, Koko gets Bossman Slammed and is gone thank goodness.

It’s time for Hogan against Boss Man which is the major showdown of this match. Amazingly, they would be best friends in two years. However to be fair, the storyline actually made a lot of sense when Boss Man turned face as he said he was upset that DiBiase lied about a crime being committed, which fit the character really well so at least it made sense. Hogan signals for the slam which looks like he’s raising the roof which is a stupid video waiting to happen.

Akeem comes in and the big men beat on Hogan for awhile. Hercules and Savage just watch this happen. Maybe they’re talking about how they’ve patched up their differences since last year. DiBiase FINALLY is back in as he hasn’t been in for about 15 minutes now. I’ve always loved that falling punch. Gorilla infringes on a gimmick as he says that DiBiase has excellence of execution. That’s not fair!

Hercules beats the heck out of DiBiase for awhile. Virgil trips Hercules and DiBiase pins him, making it 4-2. DiBiase is yelling at Hercules as he’s leaving and Savage makes a brilliant move and sneaks up on him for a fast rollup to eliminate him which was perfectly legal. Hercules was eliminated and Savage legally came in as the next man and pinned him. What follows is three boring minutes of the heels beating on Hogan. I

t’s much shorter than the other beatdowns so I guess it’s better. It’s also Hogan being beaten on so at least it’s someone people care about. Anyway, he makes the tag and Savage holds off all three at once. That’s pretty impressive but the way they do it is believable which is appreciated. Slick goes after Liz once Boss Man catches Savage. Hogan goes for the save and all three beat on him and handcuff him to the bottom rope.

In doing so, Bossman is counted out so it’s 2-2 but Hogan is cuffed. He beats on Hogan with the nightstick for awhile to really bust him up. Akeem is disqualified in a rather lame method to make it the Mega Powers against Haku. It just looked stupid to say the least. After Haku hits some basic offense on Savage, he misses a kick to Savage which hits Slick, knocking the key out of his hand. Hogan picks it up to escape. Savage tags him in and you know the rest.

Rating: D+. This needed to be 3-3 instead of 5-5. The ending was fine but the beginning was just a waste of time. Rooster, Koko, Jim and Haku were completely worthless here. At least the Twin Towers vs. the Mega Powers and Hercules vs. DiBiase were established feuds that had been built up.

This is the problem with the Survivor Series concept: it prevents matches like DiBiase and Hercules from happening and we need guys like the previously mentioned four to fill in the rest of the team spots and they’re just wastes. The ending was fine once we got rid of the nonsense, but the rest was just bad.

Jesse is with Savage and he eggs him on, saying that Savage is ticked off at Hogan. Savage says that it was just being glad that they won. Jesse keeps egging him on. Savage says the same thing and leaves. Of course, Savage would turn heel soon enough. Gene says good night…and that’s it?

Overall Rating: D+. This show is awful. There is one good match of the four but it goes on first and by the end it’s forgotten. This was just filler to get to the Main Event on February 3 where Savage would cut the promo of a lifetime and turn heel, going insane on Hogan and setting up the BIGGEST match possible with Hogan vs. Savage at WM 5.

That actually had the potential to match Hogan vs. Andre as far as huge and while I still thing Savage should have won that to set up Hogan vs. Savage 2 at Summerslam, it was fine. That’s a rant for a different time though, so we have this instead. That all being said, this was terrible. It was filled with all kinds of jobbers and of course the injuries hurt things a lot as well, with guys like Brunzell and Casey being on the card.

Watch the tag match and otherwise skip this. It is in DESPERATE need of 2-4 regular matches to take away about ten minutes from each match. If you factor out about 15 from each, they instantly go way up in value. It just killed the whole show dead. I really don’t want to see a 30 minute match with guys like Patera against Bravo and Santana being beaten on.

It just went on WAY too long. Other than the tag team match, the time just went on way too long. Check out the opener, which at 42 minutes has to be the longest in history, and other than that, ignore this like the plague.

 

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Great American Bash 1988
Date: July 10, 1988
Location: Baltimore Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Attendance: 13,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Tony Schiavone

This is a bit more like it and it’s a traditional PPV. If you’re a fan of long matches, this is the show for you. There are five matches and the shortest is just under sixteen minutes long. The main event is Lex challenging Flair for the title as Luger is the hottest thing in the world and the question is how is Flair going to escape. Notice I said escape and not win. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is a bit too upbeat for my tastes. The name of this show is the Price of Freedom. Did George Bush produce this?

World Tag Titles: Sting/Nikita Koloff vs. Arn Anderson/Tully Blanchard

No entrance for the champions. Koloff has a full head of hair and it’s not working for him at all. Sting has burst onto the national scene with his classic at the first Clash so the crowd is white hot. They clear the ring quickly but the Horsemen are all like BRING IT ON. Sting nails a dropkick to send Arn to the floor and then hits a plancha (remember this is 1988) and takes Anderson out.

They’re the official starters and it’s off to Nikita for some arm work quickly. Koloff fakes Anderson out and hits Sickles on both Horsemen but doesn’t cover until late and Arn gets his foot on the ropes. Those idiot Lithuanians. Sting comes in and it’s back to the arm. The Horsemen try to double team Sting with stereo top wristlocks but Sting is like screw that and backflips out of it. He was so fast and so athletic back in the day that no one could touch him.

Tully comes in and finds his arm being yanked on too. Nikita works him to the mat with ease and gets some two counts. Tony and Jim talk about the continuity of the challengers being great which is a surprise. It’s so nice to hear guys talking about the match and analyzing it instead of having them rant and rave about stuff that has nothing to do with it. Blanchard misses a charge into the corner and goes into the post shoulder first.

Anderson manages to slap Tully’s boot but that doesn’t count. I wonder what you actually have to do to have a tag count. That’s an interesting question. Anyway back to Sting after a fake tag (he did the clapping thing) as Tully still can’t get out. We’re 10 minutes into this and it’s been all Sting and Koloff, which is an old formula in the NWA and I’d bet we see it again in Luger vs. Flair later.

Koloff and Blanchard go to the mat and Anderson FINALLY gets the tag but Nikita rolls to his own corner to further frustrate Arn. Koloff takes Anderson to the mat quickly but the Horsemen get in some shots to the knee to FINALLY slow things down. That lasts about five seconds as Koloff and Blanchard collide and go to the floor together. Nikita suplexes him in for two but JJ makes the save. Koloff tries to drill him but clotheslines the post instead and there’s your match changing moment.

You don’t have to tell Arn twice that someone has a bad arm so he sends Koloff’s arm into the post again and Tully pounces. Off to Anderson for the hammerlock slam (called vintage by JR). There are five minutes left and that should tell you what the ending is going to be right away. Koloff fights up but gets caught in a DDT for a pop. That’s still a very popular move at this point but it only gets two here.

Tully and Arn keep working on the arm but they can’t seem to pick which arm that it’s supposed to be. Blanchard hooks on an armbar and we have three minutes to go. Arn tries a Vader Bomb but jumps into knees and the hot tag gets a big pop. We’re under two minutes and Sting is dominating. Sting dropkicks Tully and hits the splash but Arn makes a tag to kill the crowd dead. The one minute mark brings a sleeper to Arn but Tully tries a top rope sunset flip which Sting blocks. Sting hits the splash and gets the Scorpion on Blanchard but time runs out and it’s a draw.

Rating: B-. Solid stuff here but with five minutes to go everyone knew it was going to be a draw. Also the first 10 minutes or so are mainly armbars but Sting was such a popular and charismatic guy that he was able to carry the whole thing through to that point. Nikita helped as well as he knew how to work a crowd like few others. Good opener though, although I’m not sure if they should have kept the titles on the Horsemen or not.

US Tag Titles: Fantastics vs. Midnight Express

The Fantastics (Bobby Fulton and Tommy Rogers) are champions and if they win they get to lash Lane and Eaton 10 times and they get to lash Cornette as well. Jim will be up in a cage above the ring though which is funny stuff as he’s legit scared of heights. I’ve always liked the Fantastics so this should be good. Cornette is in a straitjacket as well.

Cornette freaks out as only he can do, getting in such lines as “THIS JACKET HASN’T BEEN TAILORED!!!!” and then trying to bribe the referee with 5,000, 10,000 and finally 15,000 dollars. The referee turns him down so Cornette says “WHAT KIND OF CRACKPOT ARE YOU? YOU’RE AN HONEST MAN! BOBBY HE’S AN HONEST MAN!!!” Cornette gets in the cage and has one of the best terrified reactions you’ll ever see. “AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I’M GOING UP IN THE AIR!!! MOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!” Hilarious stuff.

Ok so now there’s the bell as all of that was just pre match fun. Bobby Eaton vs. Bobby Fulton gets us going. Fulton tries a cool move by sliding between Eaton’s legs but pulls him down into a sunset flip position for one. Eaton takes him to the mat with a headlock to take over but a headscissors sets up a rana to put Eaton right back down. The fans are all over Cornette who I think is having a heart attack.

Lane comes in and fires off some awesome kicks to send Fulton out to the floor. Lane’s martial arts were always good. Rogers comes in and beats up some Midnights to take over again. We hear about the Maryland State Athletic Commission, which no one has ever heard of before and is foreshadowing for later tonight. Eaton pops Rogers in the face but a blind tag brings in Fulton again and everything breaks down. The champions send the Midnights to the floor and dance a bit.

The focal point is mainly the arm of Lane and Rogers backflips out of a backdrop but a blind tag brings in Eaton for a bulldog. This is a total chess match with both teams trying to top each other. Stan takes Tommy’s head off with a slingshot clothesline and it’s back to Eaton to destroy him a bit more. Swinging neckbreaker gets two. Lane comes back in and fires off some kicks to send Rogers into Eaton for a Low Down backbreaker.

Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two as Rogers is in the ropes. Cornette is still sitting in the cage and is freaking out. We’re at about eleven minutes which JR and Tony tell us more than once because I guess we need to know it really badly. Rogers finally gets in a shot but Lane is in to break it up. He misses a kick by what must have been a good six inches (or half his foot, whichever you prefer). (I’ll now pause for you to roll your eyes at what might be the worst joke I’ve ever made).

Fulton tries to come in illegally which doesn’t work because most faces aren’t good cheaters. Sunset flip gets two for Rogers but Eaton takes him down quickly. Top rope legdrop (Eaton’s is great) hits for a tag instead of a cover. The Midnights keep up the beating but a Rocket Launcher eats knees as we hit fifteen minutes. It’s finally a hot tag to Fulton and everything breaks down. Double teaming puts Fulton onto the floor and he takes a slam out there. Down goes the referee and Stan has a chain or something. Eaton winds up with it and pops Fulton with it for the pin and the titles and a face pop.

Rating: A-. Don’t let anyone tell you the 80s weren’t the best time ever for tag team wrestling. This was for the midcard titles and it was a great match. It’s totally awesome as both teams work together so well and you got a great match out of it as a result. This was what they did on all kinds of house shows and the scarier part is that the Rock N Roll matches with the Midnights were probably even better regularly.

The chain is found post match but it doesn’t matter as Eaton slipped it into Fulton’s tights. That’s genius. Post match Cornette takes a lashing with a belt anyway.

Cornette rants to Bob Caudle about the torture he just went through.

Road Warriors/Ronnie Garvin/Jimmy Garvin/Steve Williams vs. Kevin Sullivan/Mike Rotundo/Russian Assassin/Ivan Koloff/Al Perez

This is the Tower of Doom match. Sooo…..how in the world do I go about explaining this one? This was a one off concept (thank goodness) that is kind of like WarGames meets Doomsday Cage (Uncensored 96) meets Triple Cage (Slamboree 2000). You have three cages: one is a taller version of a regular cage. Above that you have a smaller cage and above that you have a cage that at most two people could fit in at once.

The idea here is every two minutes, each team sends in a man. Now the logical thing would be to put them in at the bottom, but instead they’re starting at the top via huge extended ladders. The idea is you have to climb down the cage and out the door. The catch is that Jimmy Garvin’s chick Precious is in the bottom cage and has the keys.

The entire point to this match is that Sullivan wants Precious who keeps turning him down. I’m not sure if it’s been introduced yet or not, but there was something about papers he had that she didn’t want being seen and he called her Patti as if he had known her before so maybe they were married before or something but the whole insane story was dropped with no explanation after Garvin got hurt and Precious, his real wife, left wrestling. That’s wrestling for you though.

The rest of the people aren’t there for any particular reason. The Varsity Club and the Road Warriors were feuding I think but they were more there as heavies. Williams would join the Club soon after this and end that run. Ronnie is there because he’s part of Garvin’s family. They stand around forever to wait on everything to be secured.

Ivan Koloff vs. Ronnie Garvin to start in a clash of former world champions. Keep in mind they’re up there by the lights so the fans can’t see a thing. Rotunda is up there already (not in the cage but waiting outside of it) along with Williams to go in next. There’s no room for anyone to do anything up there so it’s really boring to start. After two minutes the trap door will open but it’s only for ten seconds so there’s a chance of having a 2-1 situation.

Garvin and Koloff chop each other a lot and the cage shakes. I’m scared of heights so this is terrifying for me. We randomly cut to a not very hot chick in the crowd as the horn goes off for the two minute interval. The door is open for like 40 seconds as Garvin goes through and there’s some powder thrown. Ok so Garvin is in the second cage by himself and has to wait there now. Williams is getting beaten down 2-1 and Animal and I think that’s Perez who are coming in next.

Williams fights both guys off as the cage keeps shaking. I need some Tums. The horn goes off and Garvin gets down to the regular cage, Williams and Koloff get into the middle cage and it’s Animal vs. Rotundo and Perez on top. Precious lets Garvin out so it’s officially 1-0 Team Garvin but 3-2 in the cage itself. Hawk and the Assassin are up next but not quite yet. Animal takes over on the heels and the fans actually get into it.

Koloff gets beaten down also and there’s the horn. Perez makes it to the middle cage as does Animal. No one makes it to the bottom cage so it’s Animal, Koloff, Williams and Perez in the middle while Rotundo, Hawk and the Assassin are up top. Jimmy Garvin and Sullivan who are more or less the captains are left. Williams slams Koloff and JR is practically in the cage to suck him off for it.

Another horn goes off and it’s Perez and Animal in the bottom cage, Koloff, Hawk, Assassin and Williams in the middle and Rotundo, Jimmy and Sullivan up top. Now remember that just because all 10 are in, it doesn’t mean the horn thing ends because the trap doors aren’t staying open. Animal escapes to the floor and Williams puts Koloff in a Figure Four. Ross is saying how intense and insane it is and while it’s overkill, this is still pretty nuts.

There’s a horn and Rotundo finally makes it out of the top. Assassin makes it to the floor as is Koloff. Perez makes it out to the floor. Hawk comes down to the bottom and is in a handicap with the Russians. Ok so the Russians and Road Warriors are feuding. That’s why they’re in this. Hawk takes them both down with a clothesline while Garvin and Sullivan fight up top. Williams vs. Rotundo is going on in the middle. I’ll give them this: they’re staying on a wide shot at least some of the time and you can see most of everything which is a nice touch.

Precious is still in the bottom cage remember. Hawk escapes, but that leaves it 4-2 (Jimmy/Williams vs. Russians/Sullivan/Rotundo). Williams makes it to the final cage but Garvin and Sullivan don’t care about moving but eventually go down. Williams and the Russians escape so we’re left with Rotundo/Sullivan vs. Jimmy Garvin, who thankfully isn’t in those small white trunks anymore.

The horn goes off and Rotundo gets out of the entire cage while Garvin vs. Sullivan are left in the middle. A big brawl breaks out on the floor with the other 8 guys because Garvin vs. Sullivan is pretty boring without Precious involved. Garvin works on the leg a bit and then they slug it out. The horn goes off and they both go down to the bottom and Sullivan goes right for Precious who kicks him away for Jimmy to save her. Garvin works on the knee some more and hits his brainbuster finisher but can’t get the door unlocked. Sullivan gets up and shoves Garvin out to give Team Jimmy the win.

Rating: D. The match is a total mess, but by comparison to something like the Doomsday Cage Match, this is a masterpiece. It makes almost no sense but at least once you get into the match you can follow it. There’s one really stupid part which we’ll get to here in just a second if you haven’t figured it out already. It should have been WarGames, but this isn’t a total disaster I guess.

Now we get to the big problem: since Garvin was thrown out, Precious is locked inside with the man that wants to either rape and/or murder her. Yeah they didn’t really think that one all the way through did they? Sullivan drops to his hands and knees and crawls over to her as Jimmy and Hawk try to climb up the ladders for the rescue. Sullivan gets her jacket off and pulls a rope or chain out of his trunks and chokes away until Hawk FINALLY comes in to half kill Sullivan with a clothesline. Garvin gets Precious out as you have to wonder why in the world the Garvins EVER agreed to let her be in there in the first place.

Oh and one other thing about it that makes it more bearable than the Doomsday match: YOU COULD SEE IT. They were in the middle of the arena and it was well lit. Why that was such a stretch for 96 is beyond me.

Bob Caudle fills in some time while they take the cage down.

US Title: Barry Windham vs. Dusty Rhodes

Barry is defending here and this is Dusty’s rematch after being stripped of the title for beating up Jim Crockett. Windham used to be Dusty’s friend but turned on him to join the Horsemen and take Luger’s spot so there’s heat here. Barry charges in but Dusty lifts up his elbow to scare him away. Dusty sends him to the floor quickly and Barry needs time out. Barry drops an elbow on the back of his head but Dusty pops up for a gorilla press to take over.

A DDT puts Barry down again as Rhodes controls to start us off. Rhodes hits a top rope cross body for two after the earth stops shaking. Dusty pops both Windham and JJ with elbows and the crowd explodes. The fat man was indeed popular and no one can take that away from him. Five minutes in now and Barry pounds away. I miss the NWA telling us the time gone in a match as it helps keep track of where we are and wasn’t just for time limit endings.

We go to the floor and Windham’s piledriver is reversed. Barry pounds away in the corner and we go outside again. And never mind as Dusty leans back on the rope (amazingly it doesn’t snap like a twig) to slingshot Barry out to the floor again. Barry grabs his finisher, a claw hold, after JJ interferes. We’re currently at 90 seconds of the US Champion having his finishing move on Dusty but Dusty is gyrating. Make that two minutes of nonstop claw. Dusty manages to stand up, climb the ropes (which doesn’t call for a break from Tommy Young) and signal for an elbow but Windham takes him down again.

We’re at 3 minutes straight now and Dusty hasn’t been past his knees in about two minutes of that. Imagine if Cena stayed in the cross armbreaker for three minutes. The internet would form into a missile and kill him all at once. Total time in the Claw: four minutes and five seconds before an elbow breaks it up.

Let me repeat that: the old man (Dusty is a veteran at this point and in his early 40s) just lasted over four minutes in the finishing hold of the young unstoppable US Champion who won the title with that very hold. I’ve heard of killing moves dead before but Dusty took the Claw, shot it, buried it, turned it into a chicken, plucked it, cleaned it, put it in batter and sold it to a man named Sanders.

Dusty is immediately fine and tries a Figure Four but gets caught in the Claw again. Dusty was out of the hold all of 8 seconds. This one only lasts 46 seconds as they go up to the corner again. Barry tries the superplex but Dusty shoves him off and takes out the referee. Dusty slams him off and hits the big elbow but there’s no referee. Ronnie Garvin of all people comes out and kills Dusty dead with his Hands of Stone punch finisher as he turns heel. The Claw is academic as Dusty is dead and Windham retains. Garvin would be gone in only a few months and would be in the WWF by December.

Rating: D+. That claw in the middle was just so ridiculous. I mean seriously, Dusty lasted practically 5 minutes in it overall and was just fine until a punch comes out and stops him cold? I mean how weak does the Claw look now when a right hand, the most basic move in wrestling, ends Dusty faster than five minutes of a claw? How many matches have you seen that are shorter than five minutes? Imagine a single hold lasting that long. Crazy.

Garvin is with JJ and Gary Hart, another heel manager. There appears to be a suitcase of money handed to Garvin. See, why is that so hard? Someone did it because of money. Why is that such a hard concept anymore?

NWA World Title: Lex Luger vs. Ric Flair

That would be written a few dozen times over the years but this is one of the first times. Pretty basic story here: Luger was a Horsemen, lost his US Title to Dusty at Starrcade and then said he was going to be on his own and got thrown out of the Horsemen and was replaced by Windham, his best friend. This is his revenge/shot at awesomeness. Flair is in white which isn’t something you see often.

Flair is in white trunks with yellow pads and Luger is in yellow trunks with white pads. Uh…deep? Very slow paced start but they have a lot of time. This has TV time remaining which sounds really odd on PPV but it’s the truth. Flair is sent to the floor and takes a walk in front of the State Athletic Commission. Luger leapfrogs him and adds a gorilla press for pain.

The champ hits the floor again and yells at a fat boy in the crowd. There’s always one of them out there. I think the real money in the NWA was in coaching physical fitness, not wrestling. Back in Lex grabs a half test of strength and guess how that goes. Gorilla press puts Flair down again and it’s off to a bearhug. There’s a suplex and Flair’s back is being destroyed. Lex’s big elbow hits but a second misses.

That does a total of nothing as Lex hits a hip toss and we’re back on the floor again. Flair sends him into the railing and takes over. We’re over ten minutes in now as Flair puts him down again. Flair starts in on the ribs which takes away the Rack I think. Lex fires off a clothesline for two and Flair goes up. This time it’s different though as Lex shakes the rope and Flair is crotched. Another clothesline gets two as does a slam.

A very long sunset flip gets two. Now we get to the second half of the match as Flair goes after the knee. We’re 15 minutes in and Flair cannon balls down onto the leg. There’s the Figure Four (wrong knee of course) but it only lasts for a few seconds. Lex somehow gets up and clotheslines Flair to the floor and it’s the momentum that sent him out there as the rule is adjusted again. Granted that was almost always how it was called.

Flair chops away but Super Lex isn’t hurt at all. That was another constant: chops never worked on Lex. Sting was about the same too. Luger hits another gorilla press but the knee gives out after it hits. Lex, ever the genius, tries a knee drop and misses. He deserves it for such a boneheaded move too. Flair goes up and this time is slammed down. JR says that’s the fourth gorilla press for Luger. And people say Cena is repetitive.

An atomic drop is no sold by Lex. If there’s ever been an anti-steroids ad, I give you exhibit A. We’re at twenty minutes so this is almost done. Flair is sent to the floor again but it doesn’t last long. They collide and both go over the top where Flair screams that his leg is hurt. Lex goes into the post and Dillon sends him into it again.

Now we get to the interesting part: Lex is busted open. Remember that. There’s barely any blood but the announcers make it clear that Lex is bleeding. And here’s the Maryland State Athletic Commissioner to get the referee’s attention. Lex puts him in the Rack and there’s the bell.

Rating: B. Good match here but the Starrcade one blows this out of the water. The ending is pretty stupid as I’m sure you can see what’s coming a mile away. Lex would face Flair about a thousand more times for the title but he would never get the big win, which is what stopped Lex from becoming the mega star that he was supposed to become. Let’s get to the part you all know is coming.

The match is stopped because of the cut. The fact that no fan has ever heard of the Commission and that you can’t see any blood is ignored.

The faces come out to raise Lex’s arms but it means nothing.

Overall Rating: B-. It’s a pretty good show but the ending is pretty weak. I don’t get the point in not switching the title here and having Flair get the title back at Starrcade. The rest of the show is pretty good stuff although the Tower of Doom is pretty stupid. The second tag match is very good and the rest of it is solid enough. Worth seeing but don’t watch the home video as it hacks the thing to pieces.

A few notes on this: first of all this was one of the first review series I ever did so the review style isn’t quite down yet and my grades might be a bit off by my normal stuff.

Second this was supposed to start Friday so 88 and 89 will be going up today.  Also I don’t have Big Boss Man vs. Koko B. Ware from the 89 show because I can’t find a copy of it.  Let’s get to it.

Welcome to another of my history threads. As I’ve done with Wrestlemania I’ll be starting with the first ever show in the series and every day put up a new review. This will culminate with this year’s Summerslam, as the 2010 review will be put up the day before Summerslam, and I’ll be doing a live review of the 2011 edition which will be posted immediately after the show, assuming that nothing goes wrong.

I love doing these things and in case you’re wondering, yes, I will be doing Survivor Series, Royal Rumble, and likely King of the Ring and In Your House among other one off shows in the future. Anyway, enough from me. let’s get to me! Wait what?

We have arrived at the biggest party of the summer, Summerslam. In the year of my birth, WWF decided to expand its annual PPV load to three instead of the two they had the previous year. Wrestlemania was fairly entrenched in the business and based upon its success we were given the Survivor Series the prior year, which really was based on the strength of Hogan vs. Andre.

Based off the popularity the company was seeing around this time, the order was given to have another show in the late summer to help further bridge the gap to Wrestlemania. You have to remember that at this time, there was no Raw or Smackdown or anything like that. What you got was a weekly Sunday morning show that not everyone got and was sometimes on in different timeslots depending on where you were.

Think about that: Raw on Sunday morning or Wednesday night depending on where you were? Of course it would never work today, but at the time Superstars, the (typically) Sunday morning show, was the undisputed flagship show of the company. Anyway, since there was nothing else to go on, PPV was HUGE at the time. Today with everything watered down to the point where we have sometimes two PPVs a month, having a third added to the schedule was huge.

This would be the mathematical equivalent of adding 6 more PPVs to the schedule. Think about what a big deal this was. Anyway, Summerslam was added to the schedule to make it the third PPV of the year with the Rumble being made a PPV the following January to finally establish the traditional Big Four.

Summerslam was initially just used as a bridge to get to Mania with a grudge match in the main event before shifting over to being the official second biggest show of the year a few years later. My first ever PPV was Summerslam 1990, so this show holds a special place in my heart. Since this show is considered to be the second biggest show of the year, the shows have to be good right? I certainly hope so, so let’s get things going!

Final Note: Factor in that I started writing these back in June, so many of the references may be a bit dated. For example, I make a reference to a guy being about the level of the Miz, but his character has since changed, so if something makes you scratch your head, that’s likely what’s causing it.

Summerslam 1988
Date: August 29, 1988
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 20,000
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Billy Graham

The first show. This show was completely capitalizing on WM 4’s tournament with Savage being the victor. Now I’ve heard two separate versions of what the initial main event for this show was supposed to be.

I’ve heard that the original plan for the tournament was to have DiBiase’s master plan (see the WM history thread for details) to have worked and have DiBiase win the belt over Hogan, leading to Savage challenging him here for it and then we get a 6 month Mega Powers angle, or the same one minus Savage holding the belt which I think would have made more sense given some of Hogan’s promos leading up to Mania 5.

The other version that I’ve heard, and the one I give less credit to, was that the plan was to have Flair come in for a feud with Savage leading to a title vs. title match at Summerslam with Savage, ending in either a draw or Flair winning both titles briefly.

I consider this nonsense because according to EVERY other source I’ve heard and based solely on everything that’s been on WWF television during this time period, to say Savage vs. Hogan was locked into Mania 5 is almost like saying Vince has a bit of influence on the way the product is presented. As for the rest of the announced card, there really isn’t one.

I mean literally, there was nothing else announced for the show and the box art on the VHS is Savage/Hogan and DiBiase/Andre, which is the main event, billed as the Mega Powers vs. the Mega Bucks. I’m not putting a lot of faith into the show, but let’s see if it lives up to its 80s awesoemness.

Intro is as painfully bland as any wrestling intro is in the 80s, with the WWF logo flying over water for no particular reason before we get a shot of New York City with Gorilla commentating about the show, saying nothing that you wouldn’t expect him to say. Of course Madison SQUARE Garden is the roundest building you’ll ever see. We get a more standard intro with the four guys in the main event along with Liz and Virgil and Ventura, who is the referee tonight.

This is more like it with the kick sweet WWF 80s song in the background. After that we hear our commentators, with Monsoon sounding so completely unexcited about this show that it’s pathetic. Now granted it was a new idea at the time and no one really had a clue if it was going to work or not, but at least try to sound excited please? Graham calls Hogan his hero which makes me laugh as Hogan stole half of Graham’s stuff to make himself the legend he is today.

The crowd is counting down something in the background which I’m guessing is the start of the PPV feed. We go straight from this to the first match, as the heels have no music.

Rougeau Brothers vs. British Bulldogs

Oh yeah now this is what I’m talking about. Clearly I’m talking about it because I’m writing about it as you know because you’re reading this since I guess there’s nothing good on TV. I have to turn off the IC Title DVD for this and I’m on the Shawn/Razor ladder match so I really must love you guys. Apparently the French guys are about to move to the US which gets boos from the crowd which I can’t quite get.

BIG pop for the Bulldogs who I think are about done at this point. Matilda clears the ring. The French dudes are heels that try to convince everyone they’re faces but still cheat in their matches. They would also hug each other WAY too much, and on the infamous occasion, one rubbed a Bushwacker’s balls. Very nice old school tag team match going on here with speed and power for the Brits against speed and cheating from your heels.

This is very solid stuff here and these guys are just beating the tar out of each other using some old school tactics. You get not one but two great beatdowns of one face before the hot tag, leading to the second which just makes this even better. During one of the beatdowns, this one being the one on Dynamite, he’s put into an abdominal stretch and Gorilla starts to complain about it.

For the love of all things good and holy, SHUT UP ABOUT THE FOOT. I have seen a lot of Monsoon matches and he has complained about the stupid foot being hooked in an abdominal stretch so many times that I want to hurt someone. Let it go alread. It’s a freaking rest hold that never wins anything at all. Although, maybe if they hooked the foot they would win with it…Oh screw now I’m all confused.

Anyway, in the end the faces just start beating the heck out of the heels but they never quite can put them away. That makes both teams look equally strong as one team gets to show off their offensive skills and the other gets to show how resilient they are. That’s a very nice touch that you don’t’ see much anymore. Eventually both teams hit their finishers but only the faces kick out of them.

They don’t win though as just after Dynamite hits the headbutt, the time limit is up and we’re done. The Bulldogs chase the heels down with Graham saying that’s the right thing to do and to finish it in the shower if they have to.

Rating: B. This was a great way to open things up for both the show and the series, but the lack of a real finish hurts it. Both teams looked good here as neither really dominated either part of the match. Both teams were playing to their characteristics very well and all four men looked good. One thing though: I have never seen a match with so many freaking monkey flips. Literally, I saw at least 5 of them and attempts at two or three more. Why so many I wonder?

We see how Ron Bass injured Brutus Beefcake in one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. The idea is that he choked Brutus out and cut him open with a spur. Since we can’t handle a single cut on a guy’s head, a big red X with the word censored across it comes on screen. The problem is, the X doesn’t cover Brutus’ head but more of his chin, leaving the cut completely visible. This means he can’t challenge for the IC belt tonight.

Bad News Brown vs. Ken Patera

O…….k. Patera is one of the more interesting cases you’ll ever find in wrestling. He was legitimately one of the strongest men in the world as he had came in third in the first World’s Strongest Man contest. He was given the IC Title and was going to be given a main event level push and likely the title at one point. Until one night at a McDonald’s however.

He and a Japanese wrestler were refused service for one reason or another which I believe was that the restaurant was closed. Allegedly, Ken threw a rock through the window, although he still denies he did this. Later, the pair was arrested at a hotel but they beat up the cops. He was put in jail for two years and came back as a face to feud with the Heenan Family.

Allegedly, and that should be heavily emphasized, he and Hogan were supposed to main event Mania 4, which I don’t believe for a second as it just would have been awful. Anyway, at this point he just sucked bad and was a jobber to the stars so the ending here is a tad obvious.

This is little more than a squash although Patera is apparently the favorite. It’s only about 6 and a half minutes though so what do you really want here? Both guys are more power guys so the styles are already clashing. Brown is in control for the earlier part of the match and the rest is just Ken trying to lock in a submission for the win because he doesn’t know how to do anything else, which is rather pathetic.

He’s just awful out there as his only moves are the bearhug and the full nelson. He gets one on but the other, the nelson, never happens. Brown wins it after a running enziguri called the Ghetto Blaster which is just a sweet name to say the least.

Rating: D+. This was bad. Patera was just horrible and while Brown was pretty good, there was just way too much of a clash of styles to overcome. It was a good try I guess, but at the end there was just too high of a level of suck to overcome.

WWF is promoting boxing for some reason.

Hogan and Savage say that Elizabeth is their secret weapon. Doesn’t that kind of blow the secret aspect of it?

Rick Rude vs. Junk Yard Dog

Rude is of course a master on the mic as he always is, despite saying the exact same thing every time. At the same time, JYD continues to be the most overrated wrestler I’ve ever been forced to watch. He does nothing of note ever except head butt people. What’s the appeal of that, seriously? Graham says that he practices headbutting cars. Number one, why would Graham know that, and B, what in the world is Graham on?

Neither guy really does anything special here as it’s mainly rest holds and punching. Eventually Rude puts him down and goes to the top rope where he pulls his tights down to show tights with Roberts’ wife on them. This was in the middle of a huge feud with Rude and Roberts.

Rude has a gimmick of picking a woman to kiss before every match. One night he picked Roberts’ wife Cheryl and the kiss had no effect at all. This started the feud because it was apparently Rude’s fault that Cheryl let him kiss her. Anyway, it’s a DQ finish as Roberts runs down and beats up Rude because of the tights thing.

Rating: D. This was somehow worse than the last match. Back to back matches each running about six and a half minutes and both being horrible is a bad way to get a show going after a good time limit draw match. Seriously, Dog was awful as always so at least he’s consistent, Rude wasn’t sure of what he was doing yet, and Roberts had to save the whole thing. That’s never a good sign.

Honky Tonk Man says he doesn’t care who he faces tonight.

Bolsheviks vs. Powers of Pain

The Powers are actually faces at this point and managed by some guy named the Baron. They were pretty badly hated though while Demolition was ridiculously popular, leading to a double switch at Survivor Series. Once again, it’s a clash of styles. Neither team is popular or hated enough to really be cared about here so this is more filler as they’re beginning to acknowledge that this is a very bad card overall and they have no idea what they’re doing.

The Powers are definitely the best team here though and it’s painfully obvious that they’re carrying this thing. The Baron might be the most worthless manager of all time which is saying something as the Russians are managed by Slick. Warlord never once goes off his feet in this which makes the Russians look even weaker. This is a squash despite the Powers never really being in control until the end. Barbarian hits a sweet headbutt from the top for the pin and a surprisingly good pop.

Rating: C+. This was miles better than the previous two squashes as it was actually a squash and not a squash designed to look like a real match. It was designed to make the Powrs look good before the big showdown with Demolition, but the double turn that was absolutely necessary given the circumstances changed those plans in a big hurry.

Survivor Series promo, complete with footage from WM 3, as WWF continues to attempt to crush the NWA which I’ll cover more in detail when we cover the Survivor Series.

Brother Love Show

Hacksaw is your guest. Love was a parody of corrupt televangelists at the time which is really quite funny when you think about it, or at least it is to me. I used to be scared to death of him. Hacksaw might have been the third or fourth biggest face in the company at this time after the Mega Powers and arguably Roberts. Actually, I’d say he was third and even second after February when Savage turned on my first birthday.

Duggan might be the simplest character of all time yet he’s just flat out awesome and so over it’s scary to say the least. More or less he calls out Dino Bravo, saying that he’s not a good Canadian after Love mentions him. He then just yells at Love to scare the heck out of him which is great because it’s so basic yet so awesome. He looks like this big grizzled mountain man with a stick that he threatens people with as he imposes his will on them. How awesome is that? Duggan chases him off to end this.

Another boxing promo as I guess we’re cross promoting now. Now that I remember it, Leonard was in the front row at Mania 5 and they mention him by name.

Intercontinental Title: Honky Tonk Man vs. ???

This is your famous moment from this show and it’s by far and away the shortest of the matches on the card. Honky was supposed to fight Brutus in a rematch from Mania 4 but he’s hurt so it’s the new #1 contender. Honky still holds the mega record for the IC belt at about 16 months or so. Fink apparently doesn’t know who it is which is stupid as Okerlund knew earlier but Honky didn’t want to know.

Warrior’s music hits and the roof goes off. Warrior beats Honky in about 15 seconds which was just a beatdown. The people are marking the heck out over this and I can’t blame them as Warrior was even more insane back then, making this just sweet to see as Honky was annoying and finally got put into his place. At least he’s not in drag though.

Rating: A+. This is complete and utter perfection for what it was supposed to be. Honky had been the bane of wrestling fans’ existences for about 16 months as he had constantly gotten himself counted out or disqualified to hold onto the title. Warrior just bull rushed him and beat the living tar out of him in like 15 seconds. To say the fans exploded is an understatement. They blew the roof off the place and the moment is absolutely perfect.

Survivor Series 88 is going to be a year after Survivor Series 87. This is three and a half minutes of video from last year’s show. Is there a point to this? I mean we’re getting long clips of it, upwards of 30 straight seconds and a minute a match. They skip the women’s match though as the diva hating started back then. At the end they have Hogan posing, despite him losing that night.

Don Muraco vs. Dino Bravo

Muraco was about done at this point and Bravo was on his way to being about the level that Miz is on at the moment. Yeah, that must have been an intermission. Heenan comes to the broadcast booth before the match to say that the heels in the main event are ready and the faces are terrified. Monsoon throws him out. This is another rematch from the tournament. Heenan comes back.

This match is less about the match and more about Graham and Heenan arguing about who is stronger, despite neither managing either guy. Muraco used to have Graham as his manager and a lot of the criticism comes from an attempt by Bravo at the world bench pressing record at the first Rumble.

He didn’t get it of course but did with Jesse’s help. Yet again, we have a clash of styles but in this one it works a lot better because Muraco can wrestle a technical set well enough to make this work. This only goes about five and a half minutes but they tell a decent little story that ends with Bravo winning with his side suplex.

Rating: B-. This was pretty good I thought. Now it wasn’t a classic, but it was fine for what it was: two power guys hitting each other. It passed the time ok but I wish we had less arguing with the announcers. It was just getting annoying at the end with Graham incessantly whining about how it wasn’t fair.

Holy crap it’s ANOTHER Survivor Series promo. I think WWF is being too subtle here.

Ventura has taken money from DiBiase apparently.

Tag Titles: Demolition vs. Hart Foundation

This is two years before we get what I think is the best PPV tag title match ever. It’s one of the better match on the card so hopefully this is good. The Harts are glorified jobbers here as they’re freshly face and against the monsters known as Demolition. Even though they’re former champions somehow they’re jobbers. That makes limited sense even in wrestling. Jimmy Hart, the former Hart Foundation manager, is a special adviser here.
Axe and Bret start us off here. Billy thinks Bret is the smallest guy out there. Where would we be without his expert wisdom? The Harts speed it up and work on the arm of Smash. Axe kicks Anvil in the back of the head to take over though and the bearded wonder is in trouble. Billy says once they win the tag titles the Harts are going to go outside, grab a girl and do some damage to her. WHAT IS WITH THIS GUY?
Bret gets sent into the post shoulder first and HARD too. That looked very painful and Bret sells it like the master of selling that he is. Neidhart (called Hitman by Billy of course) chases Jimmy to the back as Bret’s arm is destroyed even further. Graham talks about some top rope move Demolition is about to do while Smash just stands there on the apron. Dang I’m getting tired of his idiocy. It’s not even funny.
Hot tag to Anvil after Bret gets a desperation clothesline but of course the referee doesn’t see it. And then he gets the tag like 8 seconds later. I’ve never gotten the point of that. If you’re just going to do it again the next chance you get what’s the point of the false tag? It did add some heat to the second one so maybe that’s it. It would make sense.
Powerslam to Smash gets two. Axe has apparently left to chase an ice cream truck or something as he’s completely gone. Ah there he is to break up a backbreaker from Bret. Fuji is up on the apron but Anvil drills him. The Megaphone from Axe ends this though in a CHEAP ending. That feels like an ending from a house show.

Rating: B-. This was a solid match as you would come to expect from these four. The Harts weren’t very used to being faces at the time as Bret had just turned at Mania. Demolition was so far ahead of them at this point that the Harts got a major rub by hanging with them like this. Solid match, decent length, and so far by miles the best on the card, other than maybe the opening contest.

For the love of god we get it about Survivor Series.

Warrior says he’s proud of his little warriors.

Hercules vs. Jake Roberts

Is it filler? Yep, it certainly is. Honestly, is it that hard to have another big match on the card other than the main event? I know there’s got to be something big out there. Why couldn’t it be Roberts vs. Rude in a big match? That would at least be interesting. Heenan not being at ringside means something apparently, as he’s about to leave Hercules to make Herc a face.

It’s a very basic match here until I get a huge laugh as Hercules puts on a chinlock and can clearly be seen calling spots to Jake. Graham deserves a raise for the save he makes by saying that when he was a wrestler and used a hold like this he would be telling his opponent that he was going down and that there was no way he could win.

That my friends, is an announcer covering for a mistake by a wrestler. It’s plausible at least. It’s complete BS, but it’s plausible. Other than getting a good laugh and a surprise after Graham calls a move a bump, this is a pretty bland match. I can almost call every spot before it happens.

Roberts goes for the DDT, he gets backdropped, he misses a running knee, and we move to the next sequence. That’s just not a good sign at all no matter what. Roberts eventually gets the DDT and that means the end.

Rating: C-. My goodness these matches have been bad. I don’t mean the in ring work is bad as it’s been acceptable, but they’re just there. This would be a kick great house show, but this is a PPV which I guess at the time was fine since no one knew what they were doing with it. This is another match that’s just there. It’s not great but it’s just barely passable.

Far too long of a recap talking about the build for the main event. Part of this is about Jesse being bought off, mainly due to him supposedly being afraid of Andre.

Mega Powers vs. Mega Bucks

The crowd pops big for the announcement as we finally have something good going here. Jesse’s pop is very solid while not being huge. The heels have no music, which is sad considering DiBiase has some of the best music of all time. The pop for the faces is great and amazingly enough they come out to the same music which isn’t Real American. Hogan, actually letting someone else have top billing? WHAT THE HECK???

Liz of course looks insanely good in the red and yellow dress. The start of this takes forever as I guess the WWF wasn’t too hot on the idea of a crowd being into the match so they had to kill it for a bit. Ventura decides to change the location of the tag ropes. Who in the world freaking cares? Hogan just doesn’t look right with writing on his tights. Savage and Andre start which was a big match we never really got the proper version of.

We saw a few of them but never the true showdown we could have gotten. The match is given some time but it’s still less than 14 minutes. It’s what you’d expect from a main event tag though, as the faces start strong leading to a face comeback before the finish. In this case, the finish is pretty famous as the heels knock the faces to the floor and Liz gets up on the apron. She famously takes off her skirt to reveal her underwear and some very nice legs.

This was insane at the time as Liz was always viewed as a lady and for once she’s being viewed as a sex symbol. Anyway, Andre gets knocked down as DiBiase gets the elbow and gets pinned. The pin is funny as Hogan covers after a leg drop and Savage has to shove Ventura’s arm down for the three as he didn’t want to make the count. Post match we get the celebration with Liz in Hogan’s arms which doesn’t sit well with Savage as we plant the seeds for WM 5.

Rating: B. This was fine for a main event tag match as it was all about the biggest feud and biggest team in the company. It also set a very tiny bit of Mania 5 and advanced the major feuds. The wrestling is just what you would expect which is fine. This was perfectly acceptable.

Overall Rating: D+. I know it’s the first of its kind, but this show just flat out sucked. The main event is good and the tag title match was ok but other than that, this was just horrid. It’s a bunch of random matches which meant nothing and no one really wanted to watch. This was like a house show with a title change and a big main event. While obviously the series would improve, this was a very bad start for it. Watch it for the fact that it’s the inaugural Summerslam, but that’s it.