Survivor Series 1991
Date: November 27, 1991
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Attendance: 17,500
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan

Things are a bit different here but the real change will come next year. The main thing here is that we have a world title match in the first singles match in the history of this show. Undertaker has gone from squashing jobbers to the stars to squashing people out of the company to terrorizing Savage and Liz at their wedding to being #1 contender. Hogan hasn’t done anything since Wrestlemania so a change of opponents will do him a world of good. Oh and Ric Flair is here. Let’s get to it.

We open with a clip from Superstars with Savage being tied up in the ropes as Jake Roberts made the cobra bite Savage’s arm. Piper immediately ran down from the broadcast http://onhealthy.net booth to try to help. Liz came out screaming as well. This is when Savage was a commentator and retired but looking for reinstatement.

The key thing is he had been scheduled to be on the PPV as a captain against Jake’s team, but because of this, both captains were pulled off the show with three days’ notice, basically baiting and switching the fans. The actual match between the two of them would be a week later on a different PPV called Tuesday in Texas, which was another $20.

Anyway back on Superstars, Savage can’t stand up because of the snake bite but he keeps trying to fight Jake. They finally get Savage on a stretcher and start wheeling him away but he falls off. Now we get to the unintentional comedy part of this. Savage falls off and remember that Vince is on commentary here, so he’s FREAKING over all this stuff. The camera cuts to a crying child in the crowd and Vince loses it, audibly cracking up on air and trying to talk about “complete chaos” while clearly laughing.

We get the announcement from Jack Tunney that Savage and Roberts won’t be allowed to wrestle at Survivor Series. This is translated as “HAHA WE GOT YOUR MONEY ALREADY!”

Gorilla and Bobby talk for a bit.

Team Ric Flair vs. Team Roddy Piper

Ric Flair, Ted DiBiase, The Mountie, The Warlord

Roddy Piper, Bret Hart, Davey Boy Smith, Virgil

Roddy was Flair’s first feud in the company as not only did you know the matches would be good, but the promos would be awesome too. Bret was feuding with Mountie over the IC Title, Smith was feuding with Warlord over who was stronger and Virgil was feuding with DiBiase because who else was he going to feud with?

Flair has the REAL World Title with him here, which is mosaiced but if you know your titles, you can see a WWF Tag Team Title, which looks really weird if you’re in the arena (if you’re not familiar with what I’m talking about, the short version is Flair was NWA Champion, left the NWA, wasn’t paid back for the deposit he put down on the belt, brought it to the WWF, got sued, and couldn’t use the title in the angle they were doing anymore so they would substitute in another belt which was censored in storyline.)

Big reaction for Bret, who has finally split from Neidhart and is IC Champion as of Summerslam. DiBiase starts for his team against Piper which is a pretty awesome match. No managers are allowed at ringside this year but Sherri is there anyway. Flair sneaks in and blasts Piper in the back to give Ted an early advantage. Piper atomic drops Ted and Sherri comes in to choke him which somehow isn’t a DQ. Piper kisses her and punches DiBiase to take over.

Sherri is sent to the back and Roddy brings in Smith. The good guys work over the arm of DiBiase with Virgil of all people getting the biggest pop. After all four go in they start going around again with all four getting in another set of shots on the arm. Bret stays in but misses a knee in the corner to put himself in trouble. They trade near falls before Bret takes him right back down by the arm.

DiBiase hiptosses him down and wisely tags in Flair. Bret starts with some of his favorite moves before tagging in Davey Boy to slingshot Flair into the corner. Piper wants in but Flair stops the tag. There’s the gorilla press to Flair and the tag to Piper, drawing a BIG pop from the crowd. Piper goes nuts with punches, knocking Flair to the floor where we get a Flair Flop.

Back inside and it’s off to Warlord who Piper wants to try a test of strength against. Piper is just playing though and brings in Smith for the big power match. Smith hits some shoulder blocks but misses a charge and it’s off to Mountie. Bret tags in and Mountie immediately hits the floor. Instead here’s DiBiase who gets elbowed off the middle rope for two. Ted and Bret hit head to head and both guys are down.

Mountie is willing to get in there now but it’s back to Davey instead. Smith gorilla presses Mountie and pumps him about three times before slamming him down for no cover. Off to Flair who chops away at the Bulldog which doesn’t work at all. DiBiase and Flair try a double team but get double clotheslined instead. There’s the powerslam to Mountie but he’s not legal. Flair comes off the top with a shot to the back of Smith’s head for the pin and the elimination. Both guys were legal too.

Piper immediately charges in but Flair tags DiBiase back instead. Flair comes in to face a downed Piper but Ric is put in the Figure Four almost immediately. Off to Mountie vs. Virgil and Mountie can’t get a tag out from anyone, because everyone is afraid of Virgil. I can’t say I blame them. He might tell them about how great he is. Flair comes in and has zero luck so it’s DiBiase vs. Virgil again. Ted powerslams him down and it’s immediately back to the Warlord.

Virgil gets sent to the floor and Flair sends him into the steps, with Virgil doing an awful job of pretending to slam into them. The full nelson goes on but everything breaks down and Bret comes off the top to take out Warlord, giving the illegal Piper the pin to tie us up at 3. Piper vs. DiBiase now before Virgil is quickly tagged in. Virgil slaps the Million Dollar Dream on DiBiase but Ted sends him into the buckle to escape.

Here’s Flair again with a belly to back supelx before it’s back to Mountie. Every remaining heel takes their shots on Virgil which is likely the best possibly option. I mean, do you want VIRGIL getting the hot tag? Flair covers him for two and puts his feet on the ropes because that’s what Flair does. DiBiase comes in and ducks his head, only to get caught by a swinging neckbreaker. There’s the hot tag to Piper who no sells everything Flair throws at him. Everything breaks down and Flair is sent to the floor. That’s important because the referee disqualifies EVERYONE in the ring, but Flair was outside and is the sole survivor.

Rating: B. Gah this was going AWESOME until the pretty lame ending. Having Flair be the sole survivor is a smart move though as it makes the fans hate him even more. This was a GREAT setup though and was on pace to be a classic before the ending. To be fair though, at the pace they were going the match would have been an hour long if they were going to do a full version. Still though, what we got was very good.

Gene is on the platform and brings out Savage to talk about Jake, because we can’t have the match on this show so let’s talk about it instead. Savage talks about being bitten by the snake and being able to see and hear Liz crying, which is the worst thing Jake could do. He promises to be all over Jake like melted butter. Oh man stuff just got REAL. Liz comes out which is a big deal apparently. As usual, she has nothing to say.

Gorilla thinks Tuesday in Texas may be on TV! Give me a break.

Team Mustafa vs. Team Slaughter

Colonel Mustafa, Berzerker, Skinner, Hercules

Sgt. Slaughter, Tito Santana, Jim Duggan, Texas Tornado

A lot of these guys are on their way out. Hercules would be in WCW by May, Tornado would job to the stars until leaving in July as would Mustafa (Iron Sheik), and the rest of the guys would do nothing of note for the rest of their time in the company. Kerry (Tornado) looks high as a kite and almost falls off the apron getting into the ring. This is pretty recently after Slaughter’s face turn as he was a heel at Summerslam. This isn’t exactly the most talent laden match ever and the only feud is Slaughter vs. Mustafa.

Tito and Skinner start with Santana taking over with a headlock. There’s the flying forearm out of nowhere and Skinner hits the floor without a cover. Off to Berzerker vs. Tornado which would work a lot better down in Dallas. Berzerker (a crazy viking who tried to stab Undertaker with a sword) misses a dropkick and it’s off to Mustafa. After some very brief offense, Kerry tumbles to his corner and brings in Duggan to face Hercules, which was in the first ever match at Survivor Series.

Duggan gets taken down by double and triple teaming and it’s off to Mustafa. He loads up his curled boots (it’s a Sheik thing) and does nothing with them. Thanks for wasting our time with that. Duggan pounds away and backdrops Mustafa down before the hot tag to Slaughter. The big showdown is an atomic drop and a clothesline to Mustafa for the elimination.

Berzerker comes in with some clotheslines and a kick to the fat gut of Slaughter. A boot to Slaughter’s face puts him down and it’s off to Hercules for some two counts. Back to the viking who gets crotched on the top rope and kicked in the legs. Off to Duggan who clotheslines Berzerker to the floor and backdrops him back there a few seconds later. Tornado comes in and pounds away on him before it’s off to Hercules again. Tito gets a blind tag and hits a forearm to the back of the head (El Paso Del Muerte) for the pin and the elimination.

Skinner, the guy that owned now former developmental program FCW, comes in as it’s 4-2. When you have Skinner and Berzerker as your only guys left, the team is in big trouble. A blind tag brings in Slaughter who rolls up Skinner for the elimination. Slaughter whips Berzerker into Duggan’s clothesline for the elimination and the win.

Rating: F. The match sucked, it was never in doubt, and the biggest deal on the heel team was Skinner, who would get an IC Title shot soon after this. What a horrible match and one of the most worthless ones in the history of the show so far, which is covering quite a bit of ground. Nothing to see here at all.

Here’s Jake to plug Tuesday in Texas some more. To be fair, Trust Me Jake was AWESOME. Jake swears he didn’t know that the snake had venom in it still but making Liz cry excited him. God has told Jake that God doesn’t like Okerlund, so let’s blame everyone but Jake. I said he was awesome, not that he made sense. No reptiles are allowed at the match between Savage and Roberts. He wants to kiss Liz and that’s about it.

We recap Hogan vs. Taker. Flair confronted Hogan in Taker’s Funeral Parlor and went off on him about hearing about Hogan for years. Now Flair is here and wants to know what Hogan is going to do about it. Hogan pulled off the shirt and Taker came out of a standing casket behind Hulk and hit him with the urn. Piper and Savage ran out of the broadcast booth with chairs but Taker literally swatted away Savage’s swing. Taker rips Hogan’s cross off ala Andre in 87 and leaves.

WWF World Title: Undertaker vs. Hulk Hogan

Taker is “undefeated” here, which means overseas tours and house shows don’t count because Tito beat him in Spain and Warrior beat him on a bunch of house shows. Feeling out process to start with no one being able to get a real advantage. Taker shoulders Hogan and Hulk regroups a bit while Taker reaches to the urn. Back in and Taker chokes away in the corner in a shot you see in a lot of Taker video packages.

Bearer chokes Hogan a bit and Taker slams him. A big elbow misses and the place pops loudly. Hulk pounds away but he can’t put Taker down. A slam doesn’t work nor does an elbow to the head. Hogan clotheslines Taker to the floor where the dead man lands on his feet and pulls Hogan outside. Back in and Taker chokes away some more as does Bearer. Taker starts smothering him as you can see the Hogan super fan, a guy who dressed up like Hulk (including yellow trunks) sitting in the front row and freaking out.

This hold goes on for a good while, which is just Taker having his hand on Hogan’s face and doing nothing else. By long I mean like two and a half minuets. When the whole match is only thirteen minutes, that’s a long stretch. Hogan comes back with some shoulder blocks that don’t do much, only to have Taker clothesline him down again. There’s the Tombstone but Hogan is up before a cover. He pounds away on Taker and knocks him down to one knee which is a new thing for Taker.

Hogan gets a good slam as Flair is on his way to the ring. I miss that black and white robe. That thing was spiffy. Hogan takes out Flair with a right hand and big boots Taker, only to have Bearer grab his leg. Taker loads up the Tombstone as Flair slides in a chair. The piledriver on the chair gives us a new world champion and a decisive face pop for the dead man. Taker holding the title like it’s a coupon for a free coffee at a Shell station is a nice touch.

Rating: D. Yeah this match completely sucked but we have a new champion and a reason to watch Flair vs. Hogan, which never happened for various reason. Hogan would beat Taker for the title at Tuesday in Texas six days later, but the title would be held up and decided in the Rumble, where Flair would win it and set up Wrestlemania. Bad match, but a BIG moment.

People come out to check on Hogan as Gorilla rips into Flair. Hogan takes awhile to leave, likely to let the fans get over some of their shock.

Roddy is in the back and goes on a big rant against Tunney and Flair and Taker.

Flair and Perfect say they told us this would happen and now they’ve been proven right. Flair is the REAL World Champion now. Tunney needs to stop distorting the belt.

Intermission, which means we see a graphic for fifteen minutes.

Gene recaps what’s happened so far in case someone ordered the PPV halfway through for some reason.

The Natural Disasters and IRS are ready for the LOD and Boss Man. That’s the main event people. They’re not even hiding the screwing over of the fans anymore.

LOD and the Boss Man are ready too. Seriously there’s nothing else to say here. They say exactly what you would expect them to say and nothing else. Hawk gets ready to do the WHAT A RUSH line but as he loads it up, Sean interrupts him to say Gene is with Jack Tunney. Hawk gives him a look that would stop a tank and says his catchphrase, then lets Sean throw it to Gene.

Tunney announces Hogan vs. Taker II at Tuesday in Texas. He’ll be at ringside as well, which makes the boredom levels shoot through the roof, if that’s even possible.

Team Nasty Boys vs. Team Rockers

Nasty Boys, Beverly Brothers

Rockers, Bushwhackers

This is right before the Rockers split and they’re already having issues. This is regular rules, which means individual eliminations and not one loss means both team members are gone. Butch and Knobbs get things going as Gorilla and Bobby talk about Hogan vs. Taker II. Butch hits a running knee lift and it’s off to Luke. The Whackers take over on the Nasties with a pair of double clotheslines.

The Beverly Brothers come in and do about as well as the Nasties with both Brothers taking a Battering Ram. The Rockers double dropkick the Nasties and the good guys have cleared the ring. It’s Shawn vs. Beau (the other is Blake) now as the announcers debate which guy on either team is the brains. A backbreaker puts Shawn down and it’s back to Knobbs. Luke comes in and avoids a splash in the corner but whacks his arms too much, allowing Knobbs to hit a middle rope clothesline for the elimination.

Off to Shawn vs. Sags with Jerry suplexing him down. Gorilla talks about how tonight will culminate at Tuesday in Texas. Again, screw you fans who bought this, as you just got part one. Some idiot fan stands up and poses for the camera so the shots keep cutting away a lot. The Rockers work on Sags’ arm before it’s off to Blake. Gorilla somehow can’t tell the Rockers apart, even though they pretty much look nothing alike.

A superkick puts Blake down but Beverly comes back with knees in the corner. Marty comes off the middle rope and shoves the referee for no apparent reason. It doesn’t go anywhere so I guess it was a mistake. Must be Colombian coke for Marty tonight. Off to Beau who doesn’t do much other than allow a tag to Butch who cleans house. The Beverlies double team him with a backdrop into a facejam for the pin and the elimination.

It’s Nasties/Beverlies vs. Rockers now with Marty coming in again. Marty monkey flips and ranas Beau down for two as Heenan and Gorilla trade statements of excitement. An enziguri puts Beau down again and it’s off to an armbar. It’s also off to Shawn who doesn’t do as well as you would expect against one of the Beverly Brothers. Off to Blake who jumps over Beau and lands on Shawn’s back in a move that the World’s Greatest Tag Team made famous.

Out of nowhere Shawn grabs a backslide on Beau for the pin to make it 3-1. Sags is in next as Gorilla thinks Marty should reach further for a tag. Even though the Rockers would split less than a month later, it wasn’t clear yet who would have gotten the super push. The Nasties head to the floor and Shawn clotheslines Sags off the apron and superkicks Knobbs down. Back in and Sags takes over again. Marty’s eyes are just gone and he looks awful.

Blake comes in again and gets kicked in the face, allowing for a falling tag to Marty. A big jumping back elbow takes Knobbs down and a snapmare gets two. Knobbs takes Jannetty down again and Heenan talks about Tuesday in Texas. Off to Sags with a powerslam and a belly to back suplex before it’s back to Knobbs. Marty gets his knees up to stop a middle rope splash and there’s the tag to Shawn. Everything breaks down and Marty swings Sags’ feet into Shawn’s face, resulting in Knobbs rolling Michaels up for the pin.

That leaves us with Marty vs. Blake and the Nasties which I don’t see going well for the coke head. Shawn freaks out on him before he leaves too to even further tease the tension. Marty starts with Knobbs and hits a middle rope bulldog but Jerry takes him down almost immediately and knocks him to the floor. A powerslam from Blake puts Marty down and the Nasties head to the floor. Jannetty dives on both of them and slams Blake’s face into the mat. Marty hooks a terrible looking small package on Sags but Knobbs rolls them over to give Jerry the final eliminating pin.

Rating: D. Man alive this was a long match. That’s the problem the rest of this show has created: there’s nothing else worth watching for the rest of the night and now they’re just filling in time to say that you’re getting a PPV that means something, when really you need to see the sequel to get the full thing. But hey, who cares about treating the fans right when you can get their money?

Gorilla and Bobby plug Tuesday in Texas again.

Legion of Doom/Big Boss Man vs. IRS/Natural Disasters

This is your main event people. Let that sink in for a minute. The LOD are the tag champions and IRS and Boss Man are having a worthless midcard feud. Boss Man and IRS start things off with the tax dude (if you need help figuring out who that is you’re beyond my help) getting thrown all over the place. Off to Animal vs. Earthquake which fires the crowd up a bit.

They collide and Animal’s cross body is caught in a backbreaker in an impressive display of strength from Quake. Back to IRS to face Hawk with the latter working on the arm. Typhoon gets the tag, only to have IRS thrown at him by Hawk. Off to Earthquake who carries Hawk to the heel corner. IRS and Boss Man come in again and it’s a briefcase shot to Boss Man’s head for the elimination.

It’s Typhoon vs. Animal now and the Disasters double team Animal in the corner. Quake suplexes him down as Monsoon talks about Bobo Brazil. IRS hits a top rope right hand for two and Typhoon puts on a bearhug. Animal escapes and hits a clothesline before tagging in Hawk. IRS misses a briefcase shot to the head and hits Typhoon by mistake, giving Hawk the easy pin.

Quake wants to fight IRS now but walks off with Typhoon instead, making it the LOD vs. IRS. Hawk powerslams IRS down but a charge goes shoulder first into the post. Hawk gets sent face first into the steps as we continue to fill time by having IRS look like he has a chance. We hit the chinlock as the announcers talk about Thanksgiving dinner. Not hot tag brings in Animal who cleans whatever is left in the house. IRS tries to walk out but runs into Boss Man in the aisle. Hawk hits a top rope clothesline for the win.

Rating: D+. We go from Hogan vs. Andre II to this in five years? That should give you a good idea as to what you’ve got going on with this show. The match was nothing and there was no reason to get excited about it, because the whole reason the match was happening had been postponed to Tuesday. In Texas.

Hogan won’t talk to the cameras about what happened.

Gene is in the bowels of the building with Bearer and Taker. Hogan will rest in peace. In Texas. They look in a casket to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. Let’s take a look at what we had on this show: a really good opener, a horrible second match, a bad yet historic third match, a bad fourth match, and a worthless fifth match. This is all interspersed with a bunch of commercials for Tuesday in Texas, which is possibly the biggest bait and switch in company history. This show made me mad because it’s a big flip off to the fans, and that’s not acceptable. Watch the opener and that’s about it.

Ratings Comparison

Team Flair vs. Team Piper

Original: A-

Redo: B

Team Slaughter vs. Team Mustafa

Original: F

Redo: F

Undertaker vs. Hulk Hogan

Original: C-

Redo: D

Team Nasty Boys vs. Team Rockers

Original: D

Redo: D

Legion of Doom/Big Boss Man vs. IRS/Natural Disasters

Original: D

Redo: D+

Overall Rating:

Original: D+

Redo: D-

A little worse this time, but the same problems still plague this show. Screw you Vince.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/10/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-1991-here-lies-hogan/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Summerslam 1991
Date: August 26, 1991
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 20,000
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Gorilla Monsoon, Roddy Piper

Obviously it’s a year later and there’s few differences. The main one is that Hogan is once again the world champion (stunning isn’t it?) and the Deadman has arrived. Other than that, there are very few differences. Hart is a singles wrestler now, so that’s the last major difference that I was forgetting. This card is really forgotten over time if you look at it from an historical standpoint.

The main event is Hogan and Warrior against Slaughter and his two cronies in a handicap match, meaning that Sheik Adnan al-Kaissie and the Iron Sheik are supposed to be equal to Hogan or Warrior? Remember Adnan? Neither do I. He was a manager in the AWA and that’s about it. The other big deal is tonight is the marriage of Savage and Elizabeth, because marriage, the most holy of unions, has to be on PPV right???

Other than that, this card is really forgettable. The main interesting point in this is what the Warrior did. He allegedly threatened to no show the PPV unless Vince paid him some obscene amount. He pulled this a few days before the PPV, and Vince really had no choice but to do what Warrior said.

This is where the “I couldn’t wait to fire him” line came from. Warrior got to the back after the match and was fired immediately. Other than that, there’s next to nothing of interest here, but I’ve seen worse cards be watchable, so maybe this one will be as well. Let’s find out.

Very standard opening with the song playing and the announcers talking about the big stuff that evening. Standard, but fine I guess.

Ricky Steamboat/Texas Tornado/British Bulldog vs. Warlord/Power and Glory

Steamboat is just called the Dragon here, and this is the famous scene where he’s dressed as a human lizard that breathes fire into the air. That’s a shame that he’s fallen this far this fast. He’d be back in WCW in just a few months where he was at least given some decent feuds and no stupid costume. Commentators completely ignore the match to talk about the matches later on in the show. Wait, they mentioned the six man.

You know I think these six…no it was just a quick thing about it. I feel like I’m watching a Nitro taping. Tornado comes in and all of a sudden they can’t stop talking about the match. I think that’s a bit of a shot at Steamboat by Vince. Literally, he was in there two and a half minutes and got one line about him. He leaves and the commentary is all about the match. We’re about 5 minutes into this and I’m still looking for a point to it.

I think it’s supposed to be Warlord vs. Bulldog, but I’m not sure really. It’s just a random group of faces vs. three heels with the same manager. I’m so utterly bored by this match that I can’t actually think of the words to explain it. It is just so standard and basic that I could see it at an FCW show. The wrestling is fine, but there’s no thought here at all. Faces win.

Rating: D. This was just so boring. Like I said, the wrestling was fine, but dang it was just there. There’s no thought, no story, no reason for this to take place. It’s an ok opener, but I would have wanted to see anything else.

Hey kids! Call this number if you want to hear a prerecorded comment from Savage or Liz about their fake wedding! Your parents won’t mind!

Mr. Perfect says he’s a great champion.

IC Title: Bret Hart vs. Mr. Perfect

Dang this was on second? This is by far and away the best match on the card and a lot of people, including Norcal, says that it’s one of the best matches ever. These two had such a magnificent chemistry together and it’s hardly ever been topped. I defy you to find a better pair of guys to have such consistent matches with. Stu and Helen are there…again. Has there ever been a match with Bret that they haven’t been at?

You don’t see them at Owen’s matches. No wonder Owen was the bitter one. Coach is there with Perfect, and sadly enough his death got NO coverage due to Misawa dying a day later. They start with a great set of back and forth stuff with no one being able to get an advantage. It’s one of those types of openings where you have a guy in control but he’s not dominating at all. Hart does that here by just having on a basic headlock.

Heenan continues to show why he’s as important as anyone on the roster as his lines about Bret’s parents make you want to cheer for Bret more than anyone else could. Perfect gets his singlet literally ripped apart by Hart which makes him look almost crazed about the match. He looks like he’s in a war despite this having been going about 7 minutes at this point. This is a great dynamic for a match as you have the young lion Bret facing the established veteran in Perfect, who has the exact same style.

Crowd is way into this one too, which is making it better. Perfect’s hair looks like he got a bad shock as his perm has practically exploded. He takes over though as Heenan is singing his praises. We get a hair toss, which isn’t something that you see that often in a men’s match. That would hurt too. Imagine being tossed by your hair. If that’s going to happen to me I better be getting paid for it. There’s a good story playing out here as Perfect counters everything that Hart has.

Hart kicks out of the Perfect Plex as the fans and Heenan lose their freaking minds. Heenan says that no one has ever done that, which is nonsense as Warrior did it in 1990. Hart brings up the original 5 moves of doom to put Perfect in “a whole heap of trouble.” Coach breaks this up though so Perfect has control again. He drops a let between Bret’s legs and backflips out of it which is cool looking.

He does it again, and in one of the SWEETEST counters I’ve ever seen, Bret grabs his leg, puts the Sharpshooter on him on the mat from his back, spins him over and then pulls back on it for the tap out. That was sweet. Bret runs over to his family to celebrate. We get to hear Stu’s voice, which I never recall hearing other than this.

Rating: A+. These guys were spot on the whole time. It was a nearly 20 minute match and I didn’t see a single botch or anything resembling a botch at all. That counter at the end was absolute perfection and it played so well into the rest of the match. These two had so much chemistry they might as well be a magnet high school. Great match all around.

Hulk Hogan has a special PPV coming up, which is nothing but his “biggest” matches. Forerunner to 24/7 I guess.

We cut to the back to see the Bushwackers and Andre the Giant, which has to the weirdest pairing of all time. Andre was completely gone at this point with big crutches holding him up. This is explained by Earthquake being the guy that injured him. This was his last major WWF appearance save for popping up at a battle royal in London a few months later, which wasn’t televised until on 24/7 and some special releases.

Bushwackers vs. Natural Disasters

It’s so sad to see the Bushwackers have to walk so slow to let Andre keep up with them. He just didn’t need to be out there at this point but you can see it in his eyes that he’s having a ball out there. His love for the business was so obvious and it’s a shame he wasn’t around for the big boom in the 90s, at least to see it if nothing else. Now in case you’re a freaking moron and can’t figure it out, this is a comedy match.

GREAT line by Piper. Heenan says if he were the manager of the Bushwackers he’s kill himself. Piper says go apply for the job. Piper was a freaking riot when he didn’t like someone. To further make this stupid, the Bushwackers beat them up to start. Can someone explain to me why this makes sense? Piper says that two guys from New Zealand are Americana personified. He can be a riot but he can also be a moron.

Heenan with a Larry, Darryl and Darryl joke to take the lead in the best commentator of the night race. Andre continues to point and grunt about various things. Heenan leaves to interview Hogan as the ND finally take control and the match gets boring. Did the Wackers EVER do anything of note? I can’t remember anything.

Anyway, as expected, this ends with a Bushwacker, the one that licked me at a house show, getting pinned. Afterwards the Disasters go after Andre but the LOD run out for the save and the showdown that I’m not sure ever occurred.

Rating: C-. It was a comedy match. What do you really expect here? It was however, pretty short so it could have been far, far worse.

Heenan goes to Hogan’s dressing room with the NWA title to continue what should have been the biggest showdown of all time, but they somehow screwed it up. Heenan’s unveiling of the NWA Big Gold Belt in 91 still ranks in my top five most awesome moments in wrestling history. Hogan (never seen or heard) slams the door in his face.

More Savage/Liz phone line ads. Macho is shown on the phone line. This is just stupid.

DiBiase and Mooney recap the Virgil/DiBiase history. As bad as Virgil was, this match was actually kind of epic as the pop for Virgil finally turning was pretty big. This is the rematch from Mania 7 where Virgil won by countout.

Million Dollar Title: Ted DiBiase vs. Virgil

The wrestling here isn’t the appeal. Virgil has had very few matches at this point while DiBiase is one of the best in ring workers of all time. Surprisingly enough, DiBiase dominates early on. It’s pretty basic with punches and kicks with a roll-up here or there. There’s just not a lot to say about the first half of this match. Both guys are going pretty light out there which is fine I think, as it’s really more about the storyline than the match itself.

Piper was Virgil’s mentor so he’s cheering wildly for him. Heenan gets in a great line about Virgil being so dumb he’ll try to bronze the gold belt. After about 5 minutes of Virgil getting beaten up, he catches DiBiase in a Million Dollar Dream until Sherri runs in to cause the DQ as Piper absolutely snaps.

HOWEVER!

The referee decides that’s not fair and sends Sherri to the back while ordering the match to continue. Now we get a better match as they’re going a bit harder but Virgil is hurt after being hit by the loaded purse. DiBiase proceeds to kick his body guarding teeth from one side of the ring to the other, but the ref was bumped so we have no one to count the pin.

A piledriver (which is what love feels just like sometimes) puts him nearly out as DiBiase takes off the turnbuckle. Virgil counters and rams him in twice. I don’t like the ending though as it takes Virgil about 20 seconds to get the cover and the win. Piper goes insane over this.

Rating: B. As I said, this was all storyline and it was a very fun one. Virgil rising up to face DiBiase and say that he’d had enough, leading to the big blowoff of him winning the title that literally was DiBiase’s was just perfect. The wrestling was pretty bad, but the emotion makes up for it.

The Mountie says he’ll win tonight.

Big Bossman says he’ll win tonight.

Jailhouse Match: Big Bossman vs. Mountie

The loser spends a night in a New York jail, which is kind of an interesting idea. This was around the time that Mountie was using this stupid shock stick to attack people. Monsoon says this will be a classic. That’s just comical. Piper would finally beat Mountie as he had a vest or something that absorbed the electricity, which is actually brilliant. There’s all kinds of bad prison jokes by Heenan here as this is supposed to be a huge match.

Apparently the loser also gets arrested and will have a criminal record. Dude, seriously, this is absurd. I still can’t get over the fact that Mountie beat Bret Hart and Hogan. You’d think he was Edge or something. This is a pretty boring match as once again it’s all about storyline as the match really just doesn’t live up to the hype.

Gorilla says that Hart is the best advertisement for birth control he’s ever seen. It just kind of happens slowly and no one cares about this match. Bossman wins and they take Mountie to jail, in one of the dumbest things I’ve ever seen.

Rating: D. I can’t believe I liked this as a kid. The styles just didn’t mesh. Mountie was better when he wrestled as a light weight, not this. Boss Man was outliving his usefulness at this point, but that can be attributed to them never really giving him a serious push. This whole gimmick as just dumb and the match was even worse.

DiBiase is mad that he lost the title, which was stolen from him.

Hart is happy about winning the title.

Jimmy Hart is with the Natural Disasters and is FREAKING OUT over Mountie. This is a pretty funny bit from him. The Disasters want the LOD. That’s not a good idea.

Boss Man makes fun of the Mounite as we must be on an intermission.

Gene is talking to Savage who is nervous, so let’s plug his phone call thing.

Holy

Freaking
Goodness

They actually put the intermission clock on the screen! It’s 5 minutes of dead silence, with the Savage phone number on the screen. You can hear the crowd cheering something. Boy it would be fun to actually SEE what they’re cheering for wouldn’t it? This is freaking stupid. I’m sitting here for 5 minutes waiting on a clock to count down. Why in the world was this left on the home video? I don’t want to look at a countdown.

Right now I’d rather read a book or something like that. We would have had to pay for this back in the day. After turning off my Best of Starrcade DVD which is more interesting to look at the box of than this countdown, we come back…to the Summerslam logo! My goodness people wonder why no one bought wrestling PPVs back in the day. At least give us some promos or something. Is it really that hard to do?

We go straight to the jail, where Mountie is arriving. My goodness, WHY WASN’T THIS USED DURING THE BREAK? If you want to have a live intermission that’s cool but don’t waste the money of the people paying by making them watch a clock. That’s just wrong. Yeah this isn’t funny.

The Nasty Boys are in the back and Jimmy is still losing it. This is going to be a street fight for the belts against the LOD. The champions leave but first, we go back the jail where Mountie is panicking over everything, this time being photographed which is apparently like taking his soul.

Gene is with the LOD who say this is right up their alley. This promo is more about the Natural Disasters than the title match they have next. But before that silly thing like a tag title match, we go back for more “comedy” as Mountie is offended by getting his fingerprints taken.

MORE promos as I’m just freaking sick of these now. Slaughter and company say they’ll win. This is just ridiculous as we’ve gone 20 minutes since the end of the last match.

Dang it I give up. Sid has to do a promo now since he’s the referee for the main event. Did we really need the 5 minute clock with all these promos? Was this intermission half an hour? We see a video of Sid being offered a spot with Slaughter’s team.

Tag Titles: Nasty Boys vs. Legion of Doom

What the heck, you mean you don’t want to interview the caterers? Like I said this is a street fight for the belts. It’s kind of funny hearing Gorilla have to play babysitter between the two commentators. LOD is WAY over. Piper says that stands for look out dummy. Actually I believe it stands for Legion of Doom there Roddy. Big brawl of course to start us off.

We talk about Sid a lot as the referee tries to get people to tag in and out. I will never get the point of that in a street fight. And after the first few minutes it becomes a regular tag match. Well sure why not. Hawk plays Ricky Morton in a weird casting decision. Sags hits a top rope elbow on Hawk for two as Animal saves.

Animal comes in off the fairly hot tag and yeah this is going to be dominance. The Nasties get in a helmet (Jimmy’s trademark with them for some reason) shot to Hawk which does nothing for the most part. Hawk hits both guys with it and the Device on Sags gives them their first WWF Tag Titles.

Rating: D. This was pretty weak for the most part. It started and ended fairly hot but the middle is just dull. It’s a tag team match for about 5 minutes and the rest is nothing at all. There’s nothing here worth anything other than the LOD getting their first tag titles which took them forever to get. Pretty weak here but it was quick. One thing though: did ANYONE not see the title change coming? Anyone? Nah I didn’t think so.

Uh oh. I think that crazy Mountie might be up to more hijinks. Let’s see what kind of shenanigans he’s gotten himself into this time, that little rascal. Oh look at this! That hilarious Mountie got put inside a cell! What kind of improbably circumstances could he find himself in there? Wait and see!

Survivor Series promo.

I.R.S. vs. Greg Valentine

Yep, it’s a filler on a show with a 5 minute intermission. I wonder if this qualifies for the worst booked show of all time. Valentine was completely done at this point and this was to do nothing but put over Irwin. Both guys here are great workers though so if you can ignore the stupidity of putting this on next to last after the ridiculous amount of filler we’ve already had, this could be a good match.

Apparently Roberts and Taker are in Madison Square Garden which is a huge deal. Yeah it’s not like those two could be on the card or something like that. Oh hey, did you hear that Mountie is in jail? Not sure if I made that clear, but Mountie is in jail for the night. About five minutes into this match, we address it. Remember what I said about this might be ok? I was wrong, this match sucks.

Valentine puts the figure four on him but he gets to the ropes without really selling it at all. He goes for it again and gets rolled up with a shoulder up and kicking out before the three, but I guess the referee says end this suckage now and I’ll buy you an Air Supply album. That’ll keep Valentine distracted for hours.

Rating: D+. I feel so bad for guys like this when the commentators aren’t the least bit interested in the match. At least give them something to work on. No one wanted to see this and it would have been better being much earlier in the show. It was pretty bad, but if the announcers had actually tried, it would have been at least watchable.

Hogan says to buy his PPV in the fall.

Hogan and Warrior are feeling patriotic apparently. The big problem with the whole Iraq storyline was this: the war had ended 6 months ago. There’s a running story/joke that Vince was hoping the war went until May so the main event of Mania would have made sense. Of course, since the writers were lazy even back then, which I believe the writers consisted of Vince back then, let’s just keep it going for another 6 months instead of having a real main event at Summerslam.

Slaughter/Mustafa/Adnan vs. Hogan/Warrior

Let me make this clear: no one freaking cares. Sid is the referee instead of having him face Warrior in what could have been a big match, or a Warrior/Hogan vs. Slaughter rematch which also would have been an interesting match. Ok no it wouldn’t have been but it would have been a real main event. The world champion is in a handicap match at Summerslam. This is so stupid. Let’s get this nonsense over with please.

In case you can’t tell, I freaking hate this show. The faces dominate early as the fans cheer and no one is surprised. The only interesting thing here is to watch Warrior as he knows it’s his last match. Nothing special from him as Hogan gets beaten down and has to get beaten up by a couple of 50 year olds. He even takes the camel clutch from the man he beat for the world title 7 and a half years ago. That’s just weird to think about.

Hulkamania was born less than 8 years before this. They actually acknowledge that he’s the Sheik which I didn’t remember them doing. Hogan makes his comeback and tags Warrior, who beats up the heels but then gets beaten down himself. My goodness where do they come up with this brilliant storytelling? I’ve never seen anything like it (tonight at least)!

Warrior with his comeback and then it’s a brawl, no one is interested, Warrior grabs a chair and chases the two near senior citizens to the back because he can’t beat them on his own where he’s promptly fired. Hogan uses some powder and pins Slaughter with Sid doing absolutely nothing of note the entire match. Posing ensues as Sid joins him. This was a BIG waste of time.

Rating: D. There is absolutely no thought in this match at all. It’s two faces against three heels. I don’t think there was any buildup, and if there was it’s not mentioned here. Hogan was about to drop the title to Taker in two months, and Taker isn’t even on the card.

There was a home video released where this same match happened, but Taker was in it instead of the old guy not named Iron Sheik. Now wouldn’t that have been better here? This was called the Match Made In Hell. That’s a perfect title, because it would be perfect in the 8th circle of torment. Horrible match and I’m glad it’s over.

And one more time, we see the Mountie in jail, this time being hit on by a fat biker. See, it’s funny because the biker wants to screw Mountie. See why that’s funny? I want to make sure it’s known that this is designed to be a joke, because I don’t think they made it clear enough. That’s a bit risqué for 1991.

We get the whole freaking promo of Savage proposing to Liz, as this is the match made in heaven. See what they did? Match made in heaven and match made in hell? See how intelligent Vince was to imply one was good and one was bad? Oh yeah that’s awesome indeed. In case that’s not enough emotion for you, we get a 4 minute music video, highlighting their entire history. The thing at Mania was amazing stuff and for the simple reason of it was spontaneous. This is just overkill.

The wedding is of course in the middle of the ring, which is of course set up to look like a chapel. Savage comes out first, in his hat, which has a, I’m not making this up, two foot high feather on it. We even have flower girls and ring bearers. Could this get any sappier? Liz comes out looking stunning of course as the only thing that’s appealing about the whole thing. They say I do and the show ends.

Now for the actual good part: the reception. This was a bonus on some versions of the tape that has some of the best comedy I’ve ever seen. We get the standard stuff: toast, first dance, cake, etc. One thing that’s funny here is Gene says Mr. and Mrs. Macho. Shouldn’t it be Mr. and Mrs. Savage? Now we get to the really good part, as they open their wedding gifts.

Savage opens one and finds a blender. “WE GOT A BLENDER!!!” For some reason this is just freaking hysterical to me. He sounds like he won the WWF Title or something. Anyway, they get some candlesticks to which Savage shouts that next time they should send money. Liz looks at him, wondering what’s this about next time. Savage turns back and yells KIDDING! Then it kicks off as Liz opens a box to find a King Cobra.

Taker appears out of nowhere and blasts Savage in the head with the urn. Did no one see the SEVEN FOOT TALL GUY IN ALL BLACK AND A COWBOY HAT??? Jake comes in with a snake handler’s glove and another snake, yet no one stopped him either. Sid comes in with a wooden chair to run them off as we end with me laughing my head off at it.

Overall Rating: D. This show sucked. It has ONE good match. The rest is bad comedy and a horrible main event. I literally couldn’t remember what the main event was at this show when I was trying to think of it the other day. That should happen at Judgment Day or something, not SUMMERSLAM.

Half the show was dedicated to an unfunny angle that was a waste of time. There is one match that’s bringing this up to a D from an F-. Watch that, and that’s it. This might be the worst of the big four that I’ve ever seen, including WM 11.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

USWA Championship Wrestling
Date: March 28, 1991
Location: USWA Television Studios, Memphis, Tennessee
Commentators: Dave Brown, Michael St. John

I haven’t done one of these in about two months now. This is the last episode I have at the moment so it’s hard to say when I’ll get back down to Tennessee. I don’t really remember anything from this company other than Lawler is world champion and Bill Dundee is trying to get his son to love him again. Oh and Steve Austin is here somewhere too, although he’d be in WCW by the summer. Let’s get to it.

Danny Davis is in the opening match but before the match, Eric Embry and Tom Pritchard are here. Pritchard is the new Southern Heavyweight Champion, having won the title about two weeks ago. We get a clip of Jackie Fargo and Jerry Lawler beating some Texas guys in the Mid-South Coliseum but the Texans destroyed the Memphis dudes. Eric is Texas Heavyweight Champion as well and brags about it a lot. Eric and Pritchard run into the ring and beat up Davis and his opponent, the Scorpion.

Back from a break and we talk about the Mid-South show on Monday.

Jackie Fargo tells the Texas guys they’re not going to come in here and run over everyone. Steve Keirn is coming in to help Lawler in the fight.

Sgt. O’Reiley vs. Eddie Gilbert

Eddie jumps him to start and pounds him on the back a lot. A suplex and a DDT both put Sarge down as we’re in pure squash territory here. Here are the Texans again to talk trash about Steve Keirn who has nothing to do with this match. The camera is on them talking at the moment so I have no idea what is going on in the match. The Texans run in for the DQ a few seconds later.

Gilbert gets beaten down for awhile until Steve Keirn makes the save. Keirn says that you have to earn a reputation instead of taking one from someone else. Fargo called him and asked for some help in getting revenge. Keirn owes Fargo everything so he came as soon as he got the call.

Video on Steve Keirn.

We hear about the King’s Hotline which is a real thing.

Here’s Jeff Jarrett to talk about losing the Southern Title to Pritchard in Dallas. We get a clip of the end of the match which saw a ref bump and Tojo Yamamoto, the Texans’ manager, ran in. Jarrett stole a foreign object to hit Pritchard with, but Embry ran in and hit Jarrett with a boot so Pritchard could get the pin and the title.

Back in the arena, Jarrett says he lost the title in Texas. Well yeah we kind of knew that. Apparently he’ll be getting a rematch but Pritchard won’t sign for it. Jarrett will be following Pritchard no matter where he goes until he gets his rematch.

Jeff Jarrett/Billy Joe Travis vs. Keith Roberson/Mickie Jay

Travis starts with the guy that isn’t Roberson. We’ve only been given the name of one of the jobbers and it doesn’t seem like the announcers know the other guy’s name either. Billy works on the arm and it’s off to Jarrett quickly. The announcer says that the guy is named Mickie Jay. That was the name of a WCW referee….and sweet goodness I think it’s the same guy. I really didn’t need to see him in leopard trunks. Off to Roberson who is immediately taken down into an armbar.

Travis comes in and it’s back to the arm. Roberson gets caught in a double backdrop for two and Jeff stays in. Jay comes in again and the big fat tub of goo (Jay) gets his arm cranked on as well. Travis suplexes him a few times and Jarrett gets two off a cross body. They tag in and out very fast here. A Vader Bomb from Travis gets the pin on Jay.

Rating: D. Nothing to see here but it gives us a tag team that could take on the Texans which is the right idea here. This was a squash but that’s what jobbers were for. This was a different era where these kind of matches were perfectly acceptable for the majority of the shows so that’s what we’ve had so far in the first half of this episode.

House show ads. Eddie Marlin, the boss, comes out to say that Keirn will be on the card for tonight. That’s the house show tonight, not this show.

Here’s Jerry Lawler to brag about the 400^th episode of their show. You can hear Vince counting shows from here.

Steve Austin vs. Chris Frazier

Austin is now managed by J.C. Ice. Total squash with Austin hitting what we would call Eye of the Storm and a top rope splash gets the win in about 80 seconds.

Deuce Mason vs. Bill Dundee

Dundee takes him to the mat almost immediately and works on the arm a bit. They go to the mat and it’s off to a spinning toehold. Now it’s a hammerlock followed by a sleeper to end this.

Rating: D. You wouldn’t think that the match I just recapped would have lasted over three and a half minutes would you? It was nothing of note but the idea here was to get Dundee on TV so we could talk about the J.C. Ice feud which is fine. This was a slow and long squash which could have lost a minute or two.

We get a clip of Austin vs. Dundee where J.C. Ice slipped Austin a loaded glove so Austin could get the pin. Back in the arena, Dundee says that Austin can’t beat him on his best day. Next week it’s a loaded glove on a pole match.

T.D. Steele/Curtis Thompson vs. Texas Hangmen

Thompson gets double teamed but comes back with a double clothesline. Thompson looks like a more compact Chris Masters. Steele comes in and I think Psycho beats him down. The Hangmen are Psycho and Killer in case you were wondering. Off to Killer and it’s time for some double teaming. A belly to belly puts Steele down but Killer pulls him up. Curtis breaks up a pin because Steele made him mad I’m guessing. Why else would you keep this going? After about three minutes of beating it’s finally off to Thompson who cleans house. Not that it matters as a side slam/forearm combination called the Texas Whirlwind gets the pin.

Rating: D. This is another match that went on WAY longer than it needed to. I think the idea is that the Hangmen are evil and don’t care about the rules (they were disqualified for shoving the referee so the pin doesn’t count), but you could cover that in about half the time. Nothing to see here and the Hangmen would finally win the titles soon after this.

Billy Joe Travis comes out for the save but gets beaten down too. They hang him with a rope until Jarrett makes the save.

Here are Lawler and Keirn for a chat. Lawler says he has a bad neck now but that’s not the point. He talks about how a lot of the time when you team with someone, it doesn’t mean you’re friends. Lawler references the problems he had a few months ago with the Fabulous Ones (Keirn being half of them) and Cornette. Lawler and Keirn aren’t friends, but they both respect Jackie Fargo. They’ll be able to take care of Embry and Pritchard and run them back to Texas.

Keirn says that they’re not friends but he respects Lawler more than anyone else around here. Keirn is serious about avenging Jackie Fargo and while Pritchard and Embry want to make a name for themselves, they need to find someone else to try it on because they can’t get it done on Lawler and Keirn. Really good promo here but I smell a swerve coming in that match.

The announcers wrap the show up.

Overall Rating: C-. The wrestling here wasn’t great but the promos were on fire tonight. I want to see the main events on Monday at the big show which is the idea behind these TV shows. In the true spirit of a territory, both Austin and Keirn would be gone in a few months to the major shows. Not a great show here but it makes me want to keep watching which is more important than anything else.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

WrestleWar 1991
Date: February 24, 1991
Location: Arizona Veterans Memorial Coliseum, Phoenix, Arizona
Attendance: 6,800
Commentators: Jim Ross, Dusty Rhodes

I’m running out of WCW PPVs to do, but before I get done with them I still have one last WARGAMES to get through. Oh that makes me feel better. Tonight’s main event is in the double cage and we have Sting’s team vs. the Horsemen. Well three Horsemen and Larry Zbyszko who is subbing for an injured Arn Anderson. I would usually say what else is on the card, but screw that. This show has WarGames. Let’s get to it.

The arena looks much more modern, partially because it isn’t in half darkness as it had been for most of the 80s.

Tony runs down the card and throws it to our announcers.

Six Man Tag Titles: Junkyard Dog/Ricky Morton/Tommy Rich vs. Stage Patrol/Big Cat

Where do I even start? Ok so odds are you haven’t heard of these titles before, and there’s a good reason for that: they were only around for less than nine months. The titles were first won seven days before this show at a live event. Now one might ask why they didn’t have the first champions crowned here on PPV. It’s WCW in 1991. There’s your answer and it’ll answer most of your questions. The State Patrol is Sgt. Buddy Lee Parker and Lt. James Earl Wright, who is most famous for being one half of the State Patrol. Big Cat is Mr. Hughes and he’s one of the challengers here.

Cat and Dog start things off. I think you can see JYD’s gut expanding from here. He hits Cat with some headbutts and it’s off to Morton and Wright. Morton speeds things up with armdrags and it’s off to Rich. Rich slams him down and hooks an armdrag followed by an armbar. Off to Parker who gets the exact same treatment. Back to Morton for some atomic drops and then back to the same armbar again.

The Dog comes back in to crank up the fat levels of this match. Big Cat comes in again and wants a test of strength. That goes nowhere so it’s back to Morton to face the State Patrol on his own. The numbers catch up with him and it’s time for Morton to start selling. Parker drop toeholds him down and Cat hits an elbow for two. Dropkick gets two. Morton slugs back against Parker but gets powerslammed down for two.

The State Patrol keeps up the double teaming, hitting a bulldog for two. Back to Parker as I’m seeing why this team never went anywhere. Cat comes back in for a big old backbreaker for two. Parker misses a charge and there’s the hot tag to JYD. He hits the Thump (powerslam) but Cat makes the save. In a smart move, Morton immediately dives on Parker and gets the pin to retain.

Rating: D. Technically this was barely passable but what in the world was the point to this match? On second thought what was the point to these titles? The match wasn’t any good as it was in essence just a bad TV main event, which doesn’t exactly fire me up for the rest of the show. This was an odd choice all around.

Alexandra York and Terrance Taylor don’t have much to say.

Brad Armstrong vs. Bobby Eaton

We hear about Armstrong’s brother fighting Desert Storm, which would be Road Dogg. Eaton gets a good reaction and the fans chant for him on his way out. Bobby jumps him during the opening and takes over for a little bit. A flying headscissors and dropkick by Armstrong set up an armbar to slow things down. They get back up and a monkey flip sets up the same armbar by Brad.

Bobby gets back up and we head out to the floor. That goes nowhere so let’s hit that armbar again. Off to a test of strength with Bobby taking over. Brad climbs up Eaton and goes to the corner for a spinning crossbody….and back into the armbar. Eaton finally gets tired of it and pops Brad in the face, but his slingshot suplex is countered into a regular suplex by Armstrong for two.

We hit the fifth armbar in five minutes as we see Jason Hervey here again. A backbreaker puts Armstrong down and he drops an elbow to the face. We hit the chinlock and Great Muta is here watching as well. Eaton hits a slingshot backbreaker for two. Off to a modified camel clutch to keep the pressure on Armstrong’s back. Back up and Armstrong tries to hit the ropes but Eaton elbows him in the face and out to the floor.

After a beating on the floor we head back into the ring for an abdominal stretch. Eaton holds the ropes because that’s just the kind of a guy he is. Anderson dives through Armstrong’s legs to see the cheating in a nice touch. Eaton misses a charge in the corner and Brad hits that perfect dropkick to take over. Bobby grabs a ducked head and hits a neckbreaker followed by the Alabama Jam (top rope legdrop) for the pin.

Rating: C. This wasn’t as bad as the opener but it wasn’t that great either. Eaton would get a decent run as an upper midcard heel before turning into a jobber to the stars for most of the 90s. He was still popular after being part of the Midnight Express so it was good to see WCW capitalizing on that here. Also as usual, get Brad Armstrong if you need someone to look good, which is what Eaton would become later on.

Itsuki Yamazaki/Mami Kitamura vs. Miss A/Miki Handa

Itsuki was one of the Jumping Bomb Angels and Miss A is one of those chicks that Meltzer has given a bunch of 5 star matches too and that no one else has ever actually seen for the most part. This is something WCW did at times: bring in a bunch of female Japanese girls that were indeed different and good, but that no one really cared about. I think that’s Kitamura and Handa starting things off but JR isn’t exactly helpful here. You can imagine what Dusty sounds like.

Miss A’s team jumps the others which is a good idea as she’s pretty much a monster, standing nearly 6’0 and weighing about 200lbs. In other words, imagine Daniel Bryan against three AJ’s. Itsuki tries to speed things up but all of her work is lost when it’s off to Mami who takes some HARD kicks from A. Mami stays in for a bit, only to have her legs beaten half to death.

Back to Itsuki who is having FAR more luck out there over her partner. The match keeps going as Dusty wants to hook JR up with Miss A. Ok then. Handa, the much smaller member of her team, gets a few rollups for two until it’s back to Itsuki. A comes back in and it’s time to kick. A throws Itsuki around for awhile and then double teams with Handa. Itsuki comes back with a missile dropkick to both (barely) evil ones and Mami hits a top rope clothesline on Miss A. A comes back with a clothesline of her own but gets rolled up out of nowhere for the pin by Itsuki.

Rating: C+. This wasn’t bad or anything and was even good at times, but as usual with PPVs from this era: the match doesn’t really mean anything. It exists because the NJPW/WCW Super Show is coming up, but other than that there’s no real reason for it. It ate up about eight minutes though so I guess it has that going for it. I don’t know any of these women though so I can’t really care that much about the match, which was fine.

Missy Hyatt runs her mouth and says she’s going to go find someone to interview. Seriously why did she have a job for so long?

Buddy Landel vs. Dustin Rhodes

This might be Dustin’s WCW debut. Dustin pounds on Buddy, who is way shorter than the future golden one. Landel tries to chop away but Dustin spins him into the corner and fires away punches and elbows (think of who his daddy is) on the middle rope. Off to the armbar and then Landel gets knocked down into the corner. Dusty talks about dogs for some reason and Dustin charges shoulder first into the post.

Landel takes over off the miss and pounds away with his wide array of stomps. A forearm to the head gets two. He puts on an armbar and pounds away at the head. They seem to mess up an Irish whip and Buddy hooks a sleeper. Dustin counters into one of his own which is quickly broken. Buddy charges into a boot and gets caught in a baboon (not high enough for a gorilla) press slam. Bulldog gets the pin.

Rating: D. This was nothing to see as Dustin was still really young and not very good at all yet. He would get a lot better, but sweet goodness his early stuff was hard to sit through. The problem he had was that he wasn’t anything but Dusty’s son for about a year before he started to come into his own. This was a pretty bad match but Dustin was only twenty one at this point so he probably wasn’t ready for this kind of spot yet.

Missy tries to go into the men’s dressing room and finds Stan Hansen. I seem to remember her doing this at a bunch of PPVs. Hansen throws her out.

Young Pistols vs. Royal Family

The Family is Rip Morgan and Jack Victory and are allegedly both from New Zealand. They jump the Pistols to start but the Pistols counter a double Irish whip. The Family easily takes their heads off with clotheslines in a nice counter. With Smothers getting double teamed, Armstrong gets to the top for a double cross body to give the Pistols a breather. The Pistols hit a pair of dropkicks….and the lights go out. It’s WCW after all.

Thankfully they put the spotlights on, but unfortunately it means we have to see more of the match. Morgan and Smothers officially start things off and it’s time for the armbars. You see this a lot in matches from the late 80s and early 90s and I’ve never quite gotten why. Were there NO other options for rest holds to pick from? They’re also annoying because there’s nothing to talk about during the holds. It’s one guy holding another guy’s arm, then the other guy grabs the first guy’s in the same hold.

So after a few minutes of that, we get the lights back. Thanks for that guys. Off to Armstrong for some dropkicks before Victory gets the tag. Hey look: ARMBARS! Now it’s a headlock just for a change of pace. Smothers comes in off a blind tag and hits a slingshot shoulder block for two. Time for another armbar, but this time there’s a twist. Literally, as in Smothers twists the arm during the hold.

It’s back to Armstrong and the Royal Family finally gets some offense in. They take over with what limited power they have and wear down Armstrong on the mat. A double shoulder block gets two for Morgan. I never quite got the appeal of Victory. He won rookie of the year in I think 1985 and then never did anything but wear masks to fight on Clashes of the Champions.

There’s another basic double team move, this time a double clothesline for two. I can pretty easily see why the Royal Family never quite reached the Steiners’ level of tag team capabilities. We FINALLY get the tag to Smothers who cleans a few rooms of the house, but the fans flat out do not care. The Family tries another double suplex on Smothers but Armstrong dropkicks Morgan, allowing Smothers to fall on top of him for the pin to FINALLY end this.

Rating: D-. Sweet merciful goodness this was dull. This is the problem you’ll often see on these PPVs: these matches are here to just fill in time because most of the wrestlers don’t have a ton of stories backing them up. It also doesn’t help that the eight people with the top stories are in the same match at the end of the show. Either way though, this match was really boring and likely would have been with or without a good story backing it up.

DDP, the Freebirds’ new manager, says the Birds have a title match tonight because he tricked Teddy Long. Long comes out and is surprised by this, and swears that Doom is still a unit.

Z-Man vs. Terrance Taylor

Taylor is part of the York Foundation which is kind of a business organization type of heel stable. It was just starting at this point and would eventually get going in a few more months. This is No DQ after three previous matches didn’t have a clean ending. The idea here is that Alexandra York (Terri) has a computer that gives Terry a perfect plan for the match. They start with some basic stuff and Terry bails to York for instructions. They try it again and Terry gets punched in the face again.

After more talking with York it’s time for another punch from Z-Man and it’s down to the mat. Zenk drills him again and it’s time to talk to the computer. They slug it out and Zenk sends him into the ropes for a backdrop for two. Time for the headlock again as this match keeps starting and stopping which is what gets annoying about a lot of matches.

The headlock stays on even after Z-Man runs up the corner for a headlock takeover. A belly to back finally breaks the hold and Nikita Koloff is in the audience. Out to the floor and Taylor rams him into the barricade and chokes away a bit with a camera cord. Back in and a backbreaker gets two. Off to a camel clutch and let’s look at Hiro Matsuda in the crowd. Ok then.

Zenk comes back with a clothesline over the top which is fine because it’s a No DQ match, even though a clothesline over the top has been perfectly legal in every other match ever in WCW. They head to the floor again and Z-Man gets sent into the barricade. Z-Man comes back with a neckbreaker and superkick for two. This is before Shawn popularized the move so it looked a bit more exciting back then. An enziguri puts Taylor down for two but as Z-Man comes off the top with the cross body, York distracts the referee. Zenk yells at him long enough to get rolled up with tights for the pin.

Rating: C. This wasn’t bad but it didn’t get better until after they got done with the stupid computer nonsense. These feuds went on for a long time and eventually the Foundation grew into a cool and complex four way feud which almost got over huge but various things screwed it up. Decent stuff here though.

It’s time for the Danger Zone and Dangerously comes out dressed in stereotypical Mexican attire, including the huge sombrero. He says that he’s actually an undercover agent for the immigration offices and everyone here is under arrest. He brings out El Gigante and taunts him like a bull. Dangerously tries to get the giant to teach him English insults. Gigante says he doesn’t speak English so Dangerously throws the sombrero into his face, getting beaten up as a result. This was stupid but funny in an evil kind of way.

Matsuda and Muta talk about the NJPW show. This show is basically just a commercial for that show.

Stan Hansen vs. Big Van Vader

This is a rematch of a match from Tokyo that was thrown out. They immediately start on the ramp and it’s a big brawl. Vader takes him down but Hansen hits a short range lariat. Back into the ring and Vader hits one of his own to take over. Vader hits a corner splash and it’s off to a quick chinlock. Out to the floor and Vader takes him down again with more punches.

In the ring Vader misses a splash in the corner, allowing Hansen to hit a belly to back suplex for two. They go back to the floor and let the weapons loose! Each guy takes a chair shot to the head and Hansen takes over back inside. That lasts about 4 seconds so we head back outside with Vader draping him over the barricade. Hansen drives a knee into Vader and they head back inside for more brawling. Randy Anderson tries to separate them and gets launched to the floor for the double DQ, getting booed out of the building in the process.

Rating: C+. This was nothing like a wrestling match but with stuff like this, having it be a total war with both guys beating the tar out of each other is the right move. The match was fun because Hansen was big enough and psycho enough to hang with Vader in a fight, which is what this was. Good stuff.

They fight to the back of course.

US Title: Dan Spivey vs. Lex Luger

The winner will be presented with a new US Title. Luger is defending of course. Lex is all fired up here, running Spivey over with a bunch of clotheslines and shoulder blocks. Lex blocks an atomic drop and hits a belly to back suplex for two. He misses a charge though and crashes into the other ring. Spivey suplexes him back into the ring and hits a tombstone for two.

After a neckbreaker it’s off to a chinlock followed by a DDT for two. After a clothesline, Spivey misses a charge in the corner and gets rolled up for two. Of all things Spivey goes up top and drops a spinning elbow for two. Spivey chokes away with his legs and Luger is in trouble. This is a surprisingly good match. Big boot gets two. Spivey tries another piledriver but Lex escapes and gets all fired up. Lex punches him out of the corner but walks into a belly to belly suplex for two.

Back to the chinlock for a bit but once they’re back up, Spivey charges at Lex and is slammed onto the top rope and out to the floor, which isn’t a DQ because of whatever reason they have this time. A middle rope clothesline puts Spivey down but Luger’s sunset flip is countered by a left hand. They clothesline each other and slug it out before colliding to put both guys down again. Luger gets up first and goes up top but Spivey slams him down, only to have Luger hold on and small package him off the top for the pin. You could argue that’s because he had so much experience slamming Flair off the top actually.

Rating: B+. This was a huge surprise here as both guys were hitting on all cylinders. The ending was great and a move that I’ve never seen before. Luger would turn heel very soon and win the title in the summer at a show I’m sure we’ll get to later. Spivey would have a total of zero other great matches. This was really good though.

Luger goes to get the new title but Koloff hits him with the belt. He says he wants the world title but had to prove his worth first.

World Tag Titles: Doom vs. Fabulous Freebirds

There’s a somewhat famous story to this that I’ll get to after the match is over. Before the match, DDP, the Freebirds’ manager, brings out Big Daddy Dink to be their road manager, whatever that means. Simmons and Hayes get us going and Simmons hits a quick spinebuster for two. Hayes hits a left hand for the same. Both Birds take powerslams for two. Garvin and Reed come in with Reed clotheslining his head off.

Garvin hooks a sunset flip for two and it’s back to Hayes. Reed looks a bit uninterested in the match for some reason. Garvin makes a blind tag but doesn’t jump Reed while he’s busy for some reason. A double elbow takes Garvin down and it’s back to Simmons. Boring match so far. Jimmy gets sent to the floor and hammered out there before it’s back to Reed in the ring. This is heel vs. heel for the most part so the dynamic is a bit off. Powerslam gets two on Garvin but Dink gets on the apron. Reed loads up his fist but hits Simmons by mistake, giving Garvin the pin and the titles.

Rating: F+. This was a horribly boring match. The whole idea here was that Doom is still having issues and would be broken up very soon. The Birds would be the subject of the story that I mentioned earlier which I’ll get to in a minute. The match sucked though as it was basically a squash with a screwy ending.

Post match Reed destroys Simmons with the object. Teddy leaves with Reed.

So as for the story, the Birds had actually lost the titles before they won them. At a TV taping six days prior to this, they were taped losing the titles to the Steiners, as in nearly a week before they won the belts. That was a very different time, as whole PPVs would be spoiled at TV tapings. Can you imagine that happening today?

There’s a fan here who won some sweepstakes who says his favorite team is Doom. JR: “Well I don’t think they’re going to be a team much longer.” That was hilarious for some reason.

We see a clip from last night with Pillman’s neck being injured. Remember that, because it becomes important later.

Quick recap of the rules of WarGames: each team has four people. One person from each team will start and they fight for five minutes. After those five minutes, there’s a coin toss which the heels will win. The heels then get to send in a man for a two minute advantage. After those two minutes, the good team gets to send in its second man to even things up for two minutes. The teams alternate every two minutes until all eight are in and it’s first submission only to win.

WarGames

Sting, Brian Pillman, Steiner Brothers

Ric Flair, Barry Windham, Sid Vicious, Larry Zbyszko

A very taped up Pillman goes into the ring first, sneaking behind his huddling partners. He starts with Windham and fires away with clotheslines and dropkicks. Pillman goes to the middle rope and head fakes him out to hit a dropkick. Remember that the match cannot end until all eight are in, making the match a minimum of seventeen minutes. A low blow slows Windham down as Pillman is all fired up.

Barry is busted open after being raked into the cage. Another big clothesline has Windham in trouble. They go into the other ring (it’s two rings side by side with a huge cage over them both) and Barry is reeling. A spinwheel kick puts Windham down and Pillman works on the leg with less than a minute to go. A middle rope punch puts Barry down and the Horsemen win the toss, sending in Flair.

Pillman and Flair chop it out in the corner. I’m 90% sure they had a title match once and dang I’d love to see it. Flair is world champion here I believe. Pillman fights off the Horsemen as long as he can but gets his shoulder rammed into the cage. That’s the worst part of his injuries so Pillman is in big trouble. They go back to the original ring and Sting goes in next.

Both Horsemen are there to meet him but Sting kills them both with clotheslines. The fans are WAY into this too. A bulldog puts Windham down and the pairings switch off. Another bulldog puts Naitch down as they’re all in the same ring again. Flair’s chops still don’t work on Sting. Stinger Splash hits Flair and Larry Z is in to make it 3-2 for two minutes. Sting dives over both sets of ropes to take Larry down.

Pillman has a figure four on Barry and Flair is apparently cool with letting him be in the hold. Finally they kick Pillman in the shoulder to break it up. Rick Steiner comes in to even things up and it’s Steiner Lines all around. He rakes Flair’s face across the cage to bust him open too as this is breaking down, in a good way. Pillman is in the Tree of Woe and Sting is busted too.

Sid comes in as the final member of the team and the pain begins. He holds Steiner for a low blow from Flair but Pillman makes the save. Larry Z of all people cleans house but Rick pounds him down. Scott comes in to even things up and now it’s first submission to win. We get the WORST camera shot ever as the camera looks at Sid and Rick as they’re openly calling spots. That was like a blooper or something.

Scorpion on Flair as Scott beats on Larry’s shoulder. Sid rams the shoulder of Pillman into the corner a bunch of times and the tape comes off. In an awesome looking visual, all of the Horsemen and Larry are put in Figure Fours at the same time. Every evil guy is in trouble except Sid who even Sting can’t get off his feet. The Steiners FINALLY put him down but Barry and Sid double team both of them.

Flair and Pillman lay some of the hardest chops you’ll ever hear into each other. Now we get to the famous part of the match as Sid grabs Pillman and tries to powerbomb him. Remembering that Sid is 6’9 and the cage roof is barely over 7’0 tall, Sid can’t get him up all the way so Pillman’s feet hit the top of the cage. This makes Sid DROP PILLMAN ON THE BACK OF HIS HEAD, legitimately knocking him unconscious. Sid, the nice guy that he is, powerbombs Pillman AGAIN. El Gigante is brought out to submit for Pillman who isn’t moving at all. The first powerbomb legitimately made me cringe.

Rating: A. The match is great and you absolutely can’t fault them for ending the match when they did. That was one of the scariest looking botches I’ve ever seen and Pillman is lucky to not have a broken neck. The match isn’t quite as good as the bloodbath that would happen the next year, but this is certainly awesome and is totally worth checking out. This is the mother of all gimmick matches for a reason and this is a forgotten entry in the series.

We look at the US Title attack earlier on, presumably to fill in time due to the match being stopped early.

Overall Rating: B-. As usual with shows from this era, if you cut out the stuff that was cut out on the home video version, the show is much better. Still though, with two great on here, it’s certainly an awesome show. Sting was on fire at this point and it was hard to not like whatever he was doing. Things would go into a BAD funk a few months after this though, with Sting feuding with Nikita Koloff and Flair going to the WWF in about three months, but we’ll get to that later. Good show here.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Halloween Havoc 1991
Date: October 27, 1991
Location: UTC Arena, Chattanooga, Tennessee
Attendance: 8,900
Commentators: Jim Ross, Tony Schiavone

We’re a year after the not very scary Halloween Havoc 1990 and now we move on to the much scarier 1991 version. Tonight we have Lex Luger, the now heel world champion, facing Ron Simmons. Other than that we have a guy here called the Halloween Phantom, who is a new star debuting tonight. Well new to WCW at least. The reveal is pretty awesome though. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is of a haunted house with ghostly images of wrestlers superimposed over it.

We open up outside with Eric Bischoff acting as a kind of greeter I guess. Cactus Jack and Abdullah show up with the Butcher in a tie. DDP and Diamond Studd (Scott Hall) arrive. Dustin Rhodes and Barry Windham show up but the Enforcers (Larry Zbyszko and Arn Anderson) come up and crush Barry’s hand in the car door, which puts him out of his match later tonight. I think Barry was legit hurt and this is how they wrote him off TV for awhile.

Cactus Jack/Abdullah The Butcher/Diamond Studd/Big Van Vader vs. Steiner Brothers/El Gignate/Sting

Oh boy it’s the Chamber of Horrors. Now if you’ve never heard of this, clear some room off your list of absurd gimmicks. This is inside a cage similar to the Cell, although there’s no top on it and the holes in the cage are bigger. Inside are coffins, skeletons and a few weapons. The idea of the match is that everyone is fighting at once and at some point during the match, an electric chair will lower from the ceiling. Someone must be placed in the chair, strapped down and someone from the other team has to throw a switch, “electrocuting” them. And somehow, it’ll be even dumber than it sounds.

Oh and Gigante is replacing the injured Windham and Cactus is replacing Oz, although Oz will be in a match later and apparently Oz replaced Jack in that match. No idea why they made the switch. Jack comes out with a chainsaw minus the chain. Sting is US Champion here and yes, this is really what they’re using him for. Cactus jumps Sting on the ramp and Abdullah helps, but Rick comes out for the save. This is before we’re even in the cage. Well Rick was but he left because it’s just a cage so why should it be hard to stay inside?

In the ring Scott kills the Studd with a Tiger Driver while Gigante fights Vader. Sting gets a kendo stick to pound away on everyone he sees. Well everyone that isn’t on his team that is. Or the referee either. Speaking of the referee, he has a camera on his head here which is really more annoying than anything else. That could be an interesting idea for an angle but it never went anywhere.

People in masks pop out of those caskets. They don’t do anything but they pop out anyway. Sting clotheslines Vader to the floor and Gigante pulls Studd off of the cage wall. The Steiners hit their top rope DDT on Cactus as the chair is lowered. Vader knocks Rick into the chair but Rick clotheslines his way out of it. Sting throws a casket lid up in the air so it lands on Cactus’ head.

Now we have ghouls coming out with a stretcher. Again they don’t do anything but they’re there. Scott shatters a kendo stick over Cactus’ head, breaking him open. Cactus and Sting climb the cage and ram each other into it, which is one of the few actual clear brawls in the match. The rest of it is too hard to call because of the awful camera work. Sting has the stick now and stabs Hall with it.

It’s pretty much impossible to call this match as everything is all over the place and it’s just random brawling. Sting is busted open, as is Abdullah. Cactus goes for the switch as Rick is put in the chair, but the future Freakzilla makes the save. The heels get Rick into the chair for a second but he fights out of it pretty quickly. He gets put in there again and Cactus goes for the switch. Steiner suplexes Abdullah into the chair instead and after Cactus takes FOREVER to stand next to the switch, he throws the lever and Abdullah gets “electrocuted.”

Rating: W. As in wow, what were they smoking, or why. You can pick whichever you like and I think it’ll be fine. This was a huge mess but to me, this is pure nostalgia. I haven’t seen this match in years but I still remember about 80% of the commentary word for word. The match is terrible and incredibly stupid but it’s a fond memory for me so I can’t hate it.

Cactus checks on Abdullah post match but the Butcher gets up and beats up the ghouls that brought out the stretcher earlier.

Eric and Missy (Dracula/showgirl) debate who the Phantom is. The Young Pistols don’t care who it is. They want the US Tag Titles and are heels now.

Big Josh/PN News vs. The Creatures

The Creatures are generic masked guys, one of which is Joey Maggs and the other is Johnny Rich, the latter of which you don’t need to know. Josh is a wilderness guy and News is a fat white guy in lime green that raps. Josh starts with let’s say Creature #1. The Creatures double team Josh but it’s off to News to clean house. The fat man hits a dropkick followed by using the power of fat in the corner. Back to Josh for a bit before News comes in to miss a splash. Instead of the Creatures taking over, it’s back to Josh. Josh runs them over, hits the Northern Exposure (Earthquake) and a top rope splash from News pins #1.

Rating: F+. Another bad match here but without the fun levels of the previous one. The Creatures were never seen again of course and the other two didn’t go anywhere other than to comedy land. I really need to get back to modern wrestling where the filler matches at least have a point at times.

Terrance Taylor vs. Bobby Eaton

This should be good. Taylor slaps him around to start so Eaton offers him a free shot. Eaton is the face here and it’s still York Foundation time for Taylor. He takes Eaton down with an armdrag but the second one is countered. Bobby speeds things up and Taylor bails to the floor. They go to the floor and Eaton is sent into the barricade, but he backdrops Taylor over the railing and into the crowd for a second.

Back in and Taylor tries to hide. Eaton blasts him with a right hand for two and it’s off to a hammerlock. Rooster Boy gets out with a jawbreaker and they go to the ramp. Eaton slams him down and hits a knee/splash off the top to crush Taylor. Back in and Taylor sends him through the ropes and into the barricade again. Taylor uses the break to go over to the computer and York for more assistance.

The solution is apparently a corner clothesline followed by a knee drop for two. They head to the ramp again and Eaton is put down by a gutwrench powerbomb. Eaton slowly gets back in and takes a top rope splash for two. We hit the chinlock which is broken somewhat quickly but a knee to the ribs stops it dead. Taylor gets some more computer advice and apparently is willing to settle for the countout.

That doesn’t work and Bobby comes off the top with a sunset flip for two. Off to a reverse chinlock by Taylor but Eaton comes out of it with a jawbreaker, just like Taylor did to him earlier. Taylor’s Vader Bomb hits knees and it’s time for Bobby’s comeback. He pounds away in the corner and suplexes Taylor down for two. A swinging neckbreaker puts Terry down but Eaton goes up and gets crotched. Taylor’s superplex is broken up and Eaton hits the Alabama Jam for the pin.

Rating: B. This was a great back and forth match. It’s amazing how much more bearable Taylor is when he isn’t acting like a bird. The computer gimmick got annoying after awhile but having him wrestle straight worked pretty well. This wasn’t quite a masterpiece but it was a very solid sixteen minute match and a nice change of pace.

Jimmy Garvin vs. Johnny B. Badd

Michael Hayes is here but he has a bad arm. Johnny is gay here but we can’t say gay so we call him “very flamboyant.” Teddy Long is still in the ring when the bell rings. They speed things up to start and Badd is sent to the floor. Back in the ring and Garvin (who is apparently a face here which I hadn’t picked up on until now) runs him over with a forearm to send Badd back outside.

Garvin works over the arm but Badd pounds away with fists. He chokes off a Teddy distraction and uses some very basic offense. A flying sunset flip is mostly messed up and it gets two. A top rope elbow gets two. Garvin dumps him over the top and nothing happens out there. Back in and they collide but Garvin beats him to his feet. The DDT hits but Teddy has the referee. The left hooks from Badd gets the pin.

Rating: D-. This really didn’t work at all. Badd was still very green at this point and it was clear that he wasn’t ready for a spot like this. Garvin was old and not very good either, although he never quite was anything special in the ring. This was supposed to be a showcase match for Badd but it came off as more boring than anything else. Badd would get WAY better in a few years though.

Missy harasses Bobby Eaton about who the Phantom is and when he doesn’t know, she whines. Was she supposed to be adorable or something?

TV Title: Steve Austin vs. Dustin Rhodes

Dustin is challenging. JR says that if he was starting a company, he would pick Steve Austin as his #1 draft pick. See why people say he knows his stuff? Rhodes takes him down quickly but Austin runs to the ropes to hide. A shoulder puts Dustin down and a clothesline does the same to Austin. They go to the mat and Dustin’s grandparents are here apparently.

They keep going back and forth with basic stuff until Dustin clotheslines him to the floor. That again isn’t a DQ for whatever reason. Either way we get to see Lady Blossom’s rocking cleavage for a bit so it’s not a bad thing at all. Back in and Austin suplexes him down for two. Dustin’s bulldog is countered so he settles for a headlock takeover instead. Austin finally counters into a headscissors as things slow way down.

Back up and they run the ropes a bit, but Dustin misses a cross body and crashes out to the floor. Somewhere in there Dustin got busted open badly. Austin pounds away on it and hits a gutwrench suplex for two back in the ring. It’s amazing how different Austin is back here. He’s a mat wrestler who barely ever throws a punch. Off to a chinlock and the cameraman cuts over to Lady Blossom and the camera pans down to her chest in a shot that I don’t think was supposed to be seen on the broadcast.

The clock is winding down as we have less than four minutes to go and Dustin is in trouble. They trade small packages and Dustin takes him down with a clothesline, getting two. Lady Blossom (who is a dead ringer for Debra) slaps Dustin in the face but Austin’s charge misses. A second lariat gets two as Austin gets his foot on the rope. Back to the floor and Austin goes into the post with less than two minutes left. Powerslam gets two for the Natural as does the Bionic Elbow with a minute left. Austin is reeling with 30 seconds to go. Dustin goes up and hits a top rope lariat for two as the bell rings.

Rating: B-. This was a pretty good match although the ending was pretty obvious. Austin would hold that title for the better part of a year before trading it with Barry Windham and Ricky Steamboat. Having these fifteen minute matches with other talented guys had a lot to do with Austin becoming one of the best in ring workers ever. This was solid stuff.

Bill Kazmaier vs. Oz

Oz doesn’t have the big elaborate entrance anymore. Kazmaier was a legit World’s Strongest Man, having won the official competition three times in the 80s. He comes to the ring with an Earth shaped balloon on his back. This was supposed to be Cactus Jack vs. Kaz but Jack wanted to be in the cage. This is power vs. size and less power with the shorter guy dominating early. They do a test of strength and Big Sexy (Oz is Nash if you were one of the handful of people that didn’t know that) takes over. A belly to back suplex gets two for Oz. Kaz skins the cat, hits a shoulder block and wins with a torture rack.

Rating: D. Whatever man. This was just a quick match to I believe end the Oz character, or at least put another bullet into it. Once they realized how dumb the thing was they dropped it and turned him into Vinnie Vegas which was way more appropriate for him anyway. Kazmaier never did anything and retired in January of the following year.

Van Hammer vs. Doug Somers

Van Hammer has only been here about a month and we’re still in the squash period for him. Somers is yet another replacement, in this case taking the place of the injured Michael Hayes. The match barely breaks a minute and Hammer wins with a slingshot suplex.

Brian Pillman says he wants the Light Heavyweight Title more than anything.

Richard Morton, part of the York Foundation, says this is the first of many titles for the Foundation.

Light Heavyweight Title: Brian Pillman vs. Richard Morton

This is a tournament final to crown a first ever champion. Nick Patrick has that stupid head camera on again. Morton keeps running from Pillman which probably isn’t that bad of an idea. Brian slams him down and hits a spinwheel kick to send Morton out to the floor. Back in and Pillman goes to the middle rope for a double ax followed by taking it to the mat with a series of headlocks.

A good example of why the referee camera is stupid: Pillman has him down and all we can see is his arm going down. Why would I want to see that? Pillman throws Morton around with armdrags and then it’s back to the headlock. O’Connor Roll gets two for Brian. Morton works on the arm…..and keeps working on the arm…..then works on the arm some more. It’s all the same hold so this is taking forever.

Pillman finally fights up and we go to a wide shot of the crowd instead of focusing on the match. A clothesline puts Morton down and the fans aren’t all that impressed. An enziguri puts Morton down as does a backdrop. Pillman fires off some chops and they collide, sending both guys out to the floor. Pillman has his shoulder rammed into the post and he’s in trouble. Not that it matters though as they go back in and the top rope cross body gives Pillman the title.

Rating: D. This was REALLY boring. Morton isn’t used to being on offense and it’s easy to see that he’s out of practice. There’s a reason that the face getting the tar kicked out of him is called playing Ricky Morton. The title never went anywhere and would be retired in about a year. It would be resurrected in about four years and have its name changed to the Cruiserweight Title, which would work a little bit better.

Z-Man vs. WCW Halloween Havoc Phantom

He looks like the Phantom of the Opera and comes out to the theme from the movie/musical of the same name. The announcers think they know they guy’s style but they can’t place it. A neckbreaker gets the pin in less than a minute and a half. Tony says the name of the finisher, complete with the name of the person using it and the identity of the Phantom, but I’ll save the surprise for later.

Tag Titles: Enforcers vs. Patriots

The Enforcers are defending and are Arn Anderson and Larry Zbyszko. The Patriots are Todd Champion and Firebreaker Chip and are also the US Tag Champions, but their titles aren’t on the line here. For the sake of simplicity, if I say champions here, I only will be referring to the Enforcers. Chip, who looks like he has an entire steroid store inside him, hooks a quick abdominal stretch but Larry escapes.

Zbyszko is getting frustrated so he brings in Anderson. Off to the much taller Todd Champion but Anderson punches him down with ease. Todd gets sent to the apron but he low bridges Anderson to the floor, which again isn’t a DQ. Back in the ring and Anderson gets caught in a bearhug but Larry breaks it up. Everything breaks down and the Enforcers are knocked to the floor.

Larry comes in to face Todd and guess what Larry does. Just take a guess. After running from Todd he makes a blind tag to Anderson who dumps Todd to the floor. Larry rams him into the barricade to take over and the Patriots are in trouble. Anderson puts a knee into the chest and it’s back to Larry. Neckbreaker gets two. Todd pounds on Anderson but Arn makes a blind tag to bring Larry back in. Larry gets caught in a suplex and it’s a double tag to Arn and Chip. Everything breaks down and Chip runs into Larry, allowing Anderson to spinebust him in half for the pin to retain.

Rating: D. This was another boring match with the Patriots being in there because the Enforcers needed a challenger. The match wasn’t any good at all and the Patriots clearly weren’t very good. Chip looked like he was about to explode with all of those bulging muscles on a small frame too.

We go down to Eric Bischoff who has Paul E. Dangerously and Madusa with him. Paul has earth shattering news for us. He’s tired of the booking committee saying that he’s too controversial and getting thrown off the commentary team. In the words of Bugs Bunny, of course you know this means war. While he doesn’t have a commentator’s license, he does still have a manager’s license. That’s how he’s going to take apart the company: by going through the company’s heroes one by one, starting with the biggest hero of all: Sting.

Paul brings out the WCW Halloween Phantom as his new top guy and says that the man behind the mask will be the only one on the planet that can bankrupt the company and buy it so he can fire everyone he doesn’t like. The Phantom takes the mask off and it’s…..RICK RUDE. He’s gotten a major haircut and looks evil now instead of stupid. Rude says all he cares about is himself, his women and his money. His money man has a problem with WCW and therefore this company needs to come down.

Rude talks about how he’s never had the chance to face Sting and wants to know if he’s as small as he looks on TV. Rude is coming for the US Title. AWESOME reveal here and it would set the stage for the next eight months of top level feuding in the company. On top of that, Rude was a completely different man in WCW, going from being basically a comedy heel in the WWF to being a killer in WCW. He would be the top heel in the company by February and would be that man for months afterwords.

We get a video on Ron Simmons going back to Florida State to train for his world title match tonight. Florida State head football coach Bobby Bowden says Simmons is ready.

WCW World Title: Ron Simmons vs. Lex Luger

Luger is defending and has Harley Race with him while Simmons has Dusty Rhodes for no apparent reason. This is 2/3 falls. Feeling out process to start and they trade hammerlocks. Simmons tries a dropkick but misses completely to give Lex the advantage. Ron comes back with a facejam and snaps off a powerslam for no cover. The spinebuster gets the first fall in about five minutes total. That came out of nowhere and we have a one minuet rest period.

Simmons slams him down onto the back again and whips him into the corner time after time to have Luger hiding in the corner. Let’s talk about the Braves, who are playing in the World Series at the same time as this show. A sunset flip gets two for Simmons and Race is freaking out. Simmons misses a charge and Luger sends him flying out to the floor. Back in and an elbow drop gets two for the champion.

Lex hits a powerslam of his own for one because his back is too messed up to cover fully. Off to a chinlock as Luger tries to buy himself a breather. Simmons fights back with elbows and punches before grabbing a rollup for two. A backslide does the same and Luger is getting in more and more trouble every second. Race distracts Ron so Dusty gives him the big elbow. In a HORRIBLY STUPID MOMENT, Luger charges at Simmons who is on the ropes. Race holds Simmons against the ropes and Lex falls to the floor, AND THAT’S A DQ. That rule was so stupid that I can’t fathom it at times.

After another rest period it’s the third fall. Simmons is ready to go while Luger is sucking wind. The champion gets in a sucker punch and goes on a big rush of offense. He’s also bleeding from under his right eye. Simmons shrugs that off and pounds away in the corner. A clothesline gets two. Luger knees him in the ribs and Simmons is slowed down almost immediately. A powerslam puts Luger right back down and a middle rope shoulder puts Lex on the outside. Simmons’ shoulder hits the post and we go back inside so the piledriver can get the pin for Luger to retain.

Rating: D+. I wasn’t big on this one. This felt more like a really big TV main event rather than a PPV main event. Simmons would become a lot bigger soon enough and would get the title off Vader in 1992. The DQ here was just freaking dumb as there were far worse throws earlier in the night, but it made sense here because it needed to. Not a very good match but I’ve seen worse.

The announcers talk a lot to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. This wasn’t the worst show ever but there’s really nothing on it that you need to see. Luger would leave in February so he was a lame duck champion for the next three or four months. Sting would thankfully go from this to something worthwhile by doing ANYTHING but being in that cage match. Also the Dangerous Alliance was coming and that’s nothing but gold. This wasn’t much but there are far worse shows.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Great American Bash 1991
Date: July 14, 1991
Location: Baltimore Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Attendance: 7,000
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Jim Ross

Off to the other end of the spectrum for the final WCW PPV. This show is widely considered to be the worst pay per view of all time. That’s the case for multiple reasons, but we’ll start with there are no good matches. Sting’s match is ok at best and that’s the match of the night. More importantly though, this is nicknamed the Flair Protest Show. This requires a backstory.

Back then, WCW was still in the NWA and Flair was NWA Champion until a few weeks before this show. The front office wanted Flair, the world champion, to be dropped down to the midcard. We’ll ignore that he was still one of the most over and best workers in the company at that point. The main event was set to be Flair vs. Luger for the world title in a cage, and you have to remember something about that: Luger had NEVER beaten Flair. Luger chased Flair and the title for years on end but never beat him. Not once. This was supposed to be the culmination of the whole feud with Luger FINALLY beating Flair.

So anyway, two weeks before this show Flair was told to take less money or bail. Flair, realizing that Vince would love to get his hands on the WCW and NWA World Champion, said see ya and went to the WWF. That left WCW with no champion, so they made Luger vs. Windham the world title match. The problem here is that Windham was nowhere near the world title level as he had been a tag team wrestler for about two years at this point. In other words, no matter who the new champion was, there was no reason to accept him.

Translation: Flair is gone, the fans are MAD, and there’s no way the winner of the match is going to be accepted as champion. For the life of me I’ve never gotten why they didn’t throw Sting in there. He was world champion a few months before this, but instead they went with Barry Windham. It amazes me that this company stayed alive as long as it did with a front office that would FIRE THE WORLD CHAMPION TWO WEEKS BEFORE THE SHOW. Let’s get to it.

To give you an idea of what we’re dealing with here: the dark match was Junkyard Dog vs. Black Bart, running THIRTEEN MINUTES.

We open with a long tracking shot into the arena where the cameraman buys his tickets. I remember watching this when I was a kid.

Bobby Eaton/PN News vs. Steve Austin/Terrence Taylor

Now those are some pretty weird teams. Austin is TV Champion and has Lady Blossom and her rack of AWESOME with him. Oh, and this is a SCAFFOLD match. It’s the capture the flag version too, meaning that you have to have these guys crawl across the scaffold, get the flag and bring it back to the other side. You can also shove both opponents off the scaffold but since that would be entertaining, that’s not going to happen.

The heels (Austin and Taylor) stall for fear of going up and possibly, you know, dying. After a few minutes we’re ready to “go”. Eaton walks out to the middle and Taylor inches out to him. The scaffold is MAYBE three feet wide so they’re barely able to move. Austin comes out and they stand around a bit more. Actually there is a reason for these two to be fighting: Eaton lost the TV Title to Austin.

Austin almost falls down as we’re waiting for contact. Their hands touch after thirty seconds and Austin hits a weak punch. Eaton slams Austin’s head into the scaffold, drawing Taylor out to help. This match is almost two minutes in now so you can see what I’m dealing with here. The fat man (News) comes out after Austin so Austin backs up again. Taylor comes out instead and News shoves him into Austin at the end of the scaffold, shaking the whole thing.

News and Austin fight in the corner as Taylor and Eaton go to the other side. There are railings there which give the guys a bit more security so they don’t have to be so worried about falling. Oh and the flags are the same colors so you can’t tell which is which anyway. News and Eaton are both on their stomachs and you can see that the scaffold is a freaking piece of plywood.

All four go into the heel corner so Eaton grabs the flag and casually walks across for the win. Wait that isn’t a win as Eaton comes back with the flag. Lady Blossom hands Austin some spray of some sort which blinds both of Austin’s opponents. Not that it matters as Eaton and News are declared the winners anyway.

Rating: Agoobwa. WOW. I didn’t think it was possible for an opening match to be this horrible. I was very, very wrong. I mean……WHAT IN THE FREAKING WORLD WERE THEY THINKING??? You had four guys (one of them over 400lbs) who were afraid that they would fall and break a major limb and you give them three feet to walk around on? Back in the 80s they had some of these and while they sucked, at least there were A, falls and B, A REASON FOR THE GUYS TO FIGHT! Horrible, horrible thing (it’s certainly not a wrestling match) but this isn’t on the guys in it one bit. They did all they could out there safely.

They brawl post match with News and Eaton clearing the ring.

Jim and a blonde Tony talk about Flair bailing and basically bury him because they have to, because JR and even freaking Tony are smart enough to realize that was a bad idea.

Paul E and Arn Anderson are here and they’re ready for the mixed tag in the cage tonight against Rick Steiner and Missy Hyatt. It should be Missy vs. Dangerously but they threw Rick and Arn in there to give it a chance to not be awful. Anderson is going to take care of Steiner and then it’s man vs. woman, and that’s one sided, according to Paul E at least. Anderson says if you put him in a cage like a criminal, he’ll commit the criminal act of aggravated assault. That guy was such gold on the mic. Speaking of mics, the guy holding it here is the debuting Eric Bischoff.

Jim and Tony talk in depth about the rest of the show to fill time so the scaffold can be taken down.

Diamond Studd vs. Z-Man

Diamond Studd is more famous as Scott Hall and his manager is Diamond Dallas Page. Some chick gets to rip Studd’s pants off pre match. Z-Man comes out with a bunch of chicks for some reason. He dives in to take out both guys with a clothesline and we start fast. Z-Man takes over to start but Page quickly low bridges him to the floor. Studd sends him into the crowd and pounds away.

Back in and they slug it out with Studd taking over. He pounds away with right hands but Z-Man hits a cross body for two. Studd rams in shoulders in the corner followed by his signature abdominal stretch. Z-Man finally breaks it but misses an elbow drop to stop his comeback cold. Studd clotheslines him down and kneels on him for two, but since he’s posing it lets Z-Man sunset flip him down for two. A second sunset flip attempt is countered by a right hand and they head to the floor.

Z-Man starts his real comeback on the floor, sending Studd onto the barricade like Studd did to him earlier. They go back in and Z-Man hits one of the worst looking missile dropkicks I’ve ever seen. Page gets involved again, but this time he gets pulled into the ring. The distraction works well enough for Studd to suplex Z-Man for the pin, thank goodness.

Rating: D-. What a dull match. Studd would get better, but at this point there was nothing there. Z-Man was kind of the Kofi of his day, minus the talent or the unique look or the resume. Basically he was young and popular and could have a decent match. This however wasn’t the case as it was about 7 minutes of punching and little more. I’m already in a bad mood after the opener and this isn’t helping at all.

Ron Simmons vs. Oz

Oz is Kevin Nash in exactly what his name suggests: a Wizard of Oz gimmick. The backdrop (a castle) looks AWESOME but the idea is kind of destroyed when it shakes because it’s a curtain. Turner had gotten the rights to Wizard of Oz and if this worked, it was going to be followed by a Rhett Butler character. This is I think Oz’s third match and he still has Merlin the Wizard (why they combined the legend of King Arthur with the Wizard of Oz was never quite explained) played by Kevin Sullivan with him. Simmons gets BY FAR the biggest reaction of the night so far and it’s nothing special.

Nash uses his power game to start but Ron is just fine with that. They ram into each other and it’s a standoff. That went so well that they do it again. The third time Oz smartens up and kicks Ron’s head off. Ron drop toeholds him down and Nash stumbles down to the mat. That looked awful. We get the accurate boring chant so Simmons starts firing off some clotheslines. He finally knocks Nash to the floor and the fans actually react.

Back in and they do what happens in every power match: a test of strength. Why do you never see someone like Miz do one of those? Simmons gets in trouble so he suplexes his way out of it. A dropkick misses and Oz clotheslines him back down to take over again. Nash hits a mostly bad looking side slam for two. Merlin kicks Ron in the ribs while he’s on the floor to remind us that he’s alive. Nash’s headhug is quickly broken and three shoulder blocks get the pin on Oz.

Rating: D. Oh man I’m in for a long night. We’re somehow only 45 minutes into this show and it’s already this bad. Simmons was good and on fire at this point, but he’s fighting a guy based on the Wizard of Oz. How in the world is he supposed to do anything with that? Also hitting three shoulders in a row is a lame ending. Somehow, this is by far the best match of the night so far.

Here’s the WCW Top Ten.

10. Johnny B. Badd

9. Ron Simmons

8. Diamond Studd

7. ElGigante

6. Arn Anderson

5. Bobby Eaton

4. Steve Austin

3. Sting

2. Barry Windham

1. Lex Luger

I feel so much better now that I know that. You do too right?

Richard Morton vs. Robert Gibson

Gibson had been out with a knee injury and while he was gone, Morton turned corporate (complete with the long platinum blonde hair still of course) and beat up Gibson, so here’s the grudge match that I don’t think anyone was asking for. Gibson jumps him on the ramp and Morton bails to the floor. Morton gets in and slides right back to the apron, so Gibson brings him back in. That lasts about a second as Gibson knocks him right back to the outside.

Back in and Richard grabs a headlock. That gets him nowhere so let’s stall again! To give you an idea of the times, this is in the middle of July and the next PPV is in October. Can you imagine going four months between PPVs today? Morton finally wakes up and goes after the recently repaired knee, wrapping it around the post and slamming it into the apron. He puts on a leg lock and we’re going to be here for awhile.

Morton switches to a spinning toe hold but Gibson counters into a small package for two. Back to the basic leg lock and then into a Figure Four. HOKEY SMOKE IT’S ON THE CORRECT LEG! I’m in shock. The hold completely sucks but at least it’s on the right leg (in both senses of the word). Gibson finally rolls it over but Morton gets a quick rope. The bad leg gets rammed into the apron again and Gibson can barely stand up.

Back to the leg lock on the mat which is getting pretty dull. Morton takes the knee pad and leg brace off of the bad leg so Gibson punches him in the face. Well you can’t say he’s over thinking it. He hits Morton in the face with the brace and goes to the ropes to get himself a breather. Morton kicks him in the knee again and works on it like Ric Flair if Flair had longer hair. JR talks about how this isn’t the match they expected which is true. It’s not awful but it’s not what you think of when it’s the Rock N Roll Express going at it.

Morton works on the knee even more but Gibson grabs a DDT out of nowhere to put Morton down and wake the crowd up a bit. Gibson tries a dropkick but due to the knee, there’s nothing on it and Morton takes over again. Morton goes up but gets slammed down (there must be more to that Flair thing than I thought). Gibson hits an enziguri to put Morton down and out to the ramp. Gibson follows and they both try dropkicks. Alexandra York (Morton’s manager, more famous as Terri) distracts the referee, allowing Morton to hit Gibson with the computer York carries with her for the pin.

Rating: D+. That’s being generous, but at this point I’ll take ANYTHING. The match wasn’t anything great, but the psychology worked which is about all you can ask from this show. At the end of the day, I don’t think the fans wanted to see the RNRE fight, which is a big problem in a match like this. There never was a breakout star from this team, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

The Young Pistols and Dustin Rhodes say they’ll win.

Young Pistols/Dustin Rhodes vs. Freebirds

The Pistols are Tracy Smothers and Steve Armstrong (later named the Southern Boys) while the Birds are Hayes/Garvin/Badstreet, who is Brad Armstrong (Steve’s real life brother) in a mask. The Birds are the US Tag and Six Man Tag Champions and this is elimination rules. Rhodes and Hayes get us going and I guess you can call them the captains. Hayes spends the first minute gyrating and strutting. Rhodes does the same thing which is funny but still time wasting.

They finally make contact with some chops followed by Dustin slamming both of the regular team members. The Birds chill on the floor and Hayes yells at the crowd a bit. To his credit it gets the crowd to start a short Freebirds Suck chant, which is one of the first of the night. Garvin hits Rhodes in the back so Hayes can take over. The Birds hit the Pistols so Dustin takes both Birds down, allowing the Pistols to hit top rope shoulders. The Freebirds go to the floor again as things pause for the third time in less than four minutes.

Off to Garvin vs. Smothers and the Birds take more time to pose. Tracy hits a dropkick but misses his second, giving Garvin control again. Off to Armstrong who slams his brother off the top, followed by a BIG top rope clothesline. Badstreet goes to the floor and things stall again. Hayes comes in and it’s back to Smothers who works on the arm. Badstreet messes with Tracy enough to bring him to the floor where Tracy runs into a clothesline from Big Daddy Dink, the Birds’ manager.

Smothers finally gets back up to the apron but Hayes drops him with a right hand. We finally get back in and Garvin pounds away on him a bit. Off to Badstreet who dances in and clotheslines Tracy down. Hayes comes back in with a sleeper, which might be the most appropriate move that he could do. Tracy finally breaks out of it and gets a bit of offense in, only to run into a GREAT left hand to put him down.

Back to Garvin who gets two off a snap mare and hooks a chinlock. The fans chant what sounds like Gordy as Badstreet comes in and hits a neckbreaker for two on Smothers. Back to Hayes for some chops in the corner and a BIG left to drop Tracy. Hayes may be annoying but he can throw a mean left. The DDT is blocked though and there’s the tag to Armstrong. Everything breaks down and Armstrong goes for Badstreet’s mask. That lets Hayes and Badstreet hit a double DDT to eliminate Steve.

Maybe five seconds later, Hayes backdrops Tracy over the top rope to eliminate him (Hayes) by DQ. Garvin tags Badstreet in to slam Tracy, followed by a top rope ax handle. Back to Garvin and here’s Dink on the apron. Due to the distraction the tag to Dustin is missed, so the Birds DDT Armstrong to eliminate him. Again maybe five seconds later, Dustin clotheslines Garvin’s head off to get it down to one on one. So it’s Rhodes vs. Badstreet with the masked man in control. Dustin comes back with the lariat but Dink distracts the referee again. And never mind as the bulldog gets the pin to give Rhodes’ team the win.

Rating: D. This was another match that was long and boring. When the best thing in the match is a few left hands from Michael Hayes, you can tell you don’t have much. Dustin was brand new at this point and he had nothing as a result. The match here wasn’t so much bad as it was boring, which at this point is the worst thing they could have done out there.

Yellow Dog vs. Johnny B. Badd

This is Badd’s first big match. Dog is Brian Pillman under a mask after losing a loser leaves town match. Being a dog enthusiast was the best they could come up with for him too. Badd is basically gay here and a heel. These two had an incredible match at Fall Brawl 1995, so there might be some hope here. The Dog yells into the camera that JOHNNY BE GAY.

Badd slams him down a few times as Tony tries to explain that Dog is a big Pillman fan but not Pillman. Dog chops Badd to the floor and we stall a bit. Back in and Dog gets a rollup for two. Badd misses a clothesline and gets dropkicked into Teddy who was on the apron for no apparent reason. They go to the floor and Badd runs Dog over with a clothesline to take over.

Back in and Dog misses a cross body, allowing Badd to hit his top rope sunset flip for two. A jawbreaker puts Badd down but Badd hits a jumping knee. The crowd is DEAD here. Dog hits a release German to put both guys down and the fans still don’t care. A spinwheel kick knocks Badd down again and there’s the cross body off the top, which brings in Teddy for the DQ.

Rating: F. Brian Pillman is wrestling as the Yellow Dog and the ending was a run-in DQ. There is no other word for this other than failure so that’s the grade that it’s going to get. This was another nothing match in a series of them tonight. I have no idea what they were thinking with this dog stuff but it ended soon.

Eric tries to talk to Missy Hyatt in her locker room but he walks in on her attendant reading her a card from Jason Hervey. That goes nowhere so Eric walks in on her in the shower. Eric knew she was in it and walked in anyway. What a perv.

Big Josh vs. Black Blood

Blood is Billy Jack Haynes as an executioner under a mask. This is a lumberjack match for no apparent reason. Josh, a woodsman, has women with him for some reason. Blood jumps him to start and throws Josh to the outside for some heel interference. He throws Josh to the face side but that gets the expected response.

They trade chops and Josh dropkicks him down to take over. He knocks Blood to the floor twice, just like Blood did to him and for the same reactions. Josh gets knocked to the floor again and the lumberjacks finally get into the brawl. Blood drops a leg but Josh gets a boot up. Josh charges into a boot as the lumberjacks get into it again. Blood gets his ax but Dustin hits him in the knee with a piece of wood, giving Josh a rollup for the pin.

Rating: D+. I don’t know if it’s because the rest of the show has been so dreadful, but I was liking this. Blood had a good look to him and he was TRYING out there man. The match sucked because it was about the lumberjacks and there was no feud at all that I know of between the guys in the ring, but Blood was trying which is more than I can say for almost anyone else tonight.

El Gigante vs. One Man Gang

Gang is in a freaky monster look here with insane hair for no apparent reason. His manager Kevin Sullivan talks forever on the way to the ring about a death wagon. Gigante has four midgets with him for no apparent reason. Sullivan and Gang cut Gigante’s hair prior to this. The small guys get on Gang’s nerves until Sullivan hits one and we’re ready to go. Gang runs to the ramp but is quickly thrown back in.

Gang rams into Gigante and that goes nowhere. Gigante hiptosses him and hits the worst shoulders in the corner you’ll ever see. Gang avoids a corner charge and hits a middle rope clothesline to put Gigante on the ropes. Gang finds a wrench from somewhere and beats on Gigante with it which goes nowhere either. He rams the wrench into Gigante over and over but the giant won’t go down.

FINALLY some knee shots put him down and Gang works on that a bit. A splash gets two and Gigante throws Gang to the apron on the kickout. Gang gets slammed off the top, suplexed, rammed into Sullivan, has powder kicked into his face and gets clotheslined in the back of his head for the pin.

Rating: F. You know, I used to love El Gigante as a kid, but he makes Great Khali look like Daniel Bryan. I know that sounds like it’s way over the top, but I kid you not he was that bad. This was a terrible match as Gigante can’t sell anything, he has a bad arsenal, and even he couldn’t get the fans to wake up. Remembering that he was probably the second biggest face in the company at this point, that says a lot.

We recap the Sting vs. Koloff match, which started at SuperBrawl where Koloff was aiming for Luger with his chain but Sting shoved him out of the way and the chain hit Sting. Koloff jumped Sting on TV, then he did it again. Sting was mad and this is the result.

Sting vs. Nikita Koloff

This is a Russian Chain match and it’s the four corners version. If this, the hottest feud in the company at the time, doesn’t get the fans going, nothing is going to. Sting, the guy that should be in the main event, gets a huge pop of course. Koloff gets in his face to start and they fire some rather low kicks at each other. Out to the floor and Koloff gets dropped on the railing. The idea here is that Koloff is the master of the Russian chain match so Sting is out of his element.

Back in and Sting rams Koloff’s head into the buckle as I’m amazed that the crowd is actually responding to this stuff. After a quick bit of Sting dominance on the floor they head back in and Sting gets two corners but Nikita breaks his momentum and therefore the streak. The idea is you have to get all four corners in a row but you can’t have your momentum broken.

Out to the floor again and Nikita hits a clothesline with the chain to take over. Sting uses the chain to pull Koloff into the post. Momentum is shifting back and forth fast in this. Back inside and Koloff pounds him down again as it shifts again. These advantages aren’t meaning anything but it’s WAY better than anything else we’ve seen tonight. Koloff drops some elbows with the chain and chokes away but won’t go for any corners.

Koloff fires off more chain shots but there’s only so much he can do because he can’t get far away from Sting. He snapmares Sting down and gets two corners. Make that three with the third one being with his head. Sting breaks up the fourth one and the streak is broken. They fight into the corner and both touch. They do it again with the second corner and Koloff hits him low. Well that’s one way to stop things. Sting hits him low right back and both guys are down.

The streaks aren’t broken off that somehow. They charge at the third and it’s tied at 3. Sting pounds on him but Koloff hooks the rope. Koloff comes back with the Sickle (clothesline) and somehow none of this breaks their momentum according to the referee. Koloff goes for the corner but Sting splashes him into it. Unfortunately that knocks Koloff into the buckle first for the win.

Rating: D+. Why? WHY IN THE FREAKING WORLD WOULD YOU HAVE STING LOSE HERE? Was NO ONE watching the show? Did no one get that the fans NEEDED something to care about here? The match itself was pretty bad too, as it was all short range stuff. These matches just don’t work other than Piper vs. Valentine at Starrcade in 83. The difference there is it was pinfall to win, which might be the catch to these things. This is the exact same finish as JBL vs. Eddie in 04 by the way.

The cage is set up. While that’s going on we get a video on Luger. He’s US Champion at this point. Barry gets a video as well.

The problems here are listed in the intro so go back and look at that if you’re interested. It’s certainly worth checking out for the insanity of it alone. The other major issue with this match: this would be like Orton vs. Kofi for the world title today because Sheamus had to be pulled out. See how this wouldn’t be that interesting? Even before they come out there’s a LOUD WE WANT FLAIR chant. There’s a history here but it’s like three years old so they don’t bother mentioning it. These two were tag champions but Barry turned on him to join the Horsemen. Scratch that as JR brings it up.

WCW World Title: Barry Windham vs. Lex Luger

In a cage if you missed that point and the title is vacant. Luger is clearly the more popular guy. Remember that. This is a short cage too as it’s maybe eight feet off the mat. The LOUD Flair chant begins again. Oh and another thing to complete the joke: Flair has the physical belt so they’re using the old Western States Title with a cheap looking plate over the part that says Western States.

The fans want Flair and we get going. They collide but no one goes anywhere. Luger hip tosses him down as we’re still in a feeling out process. They hit the ropes and Barry dropkicks him down and things slow down again. Small package gets two for Lex. He runs Barry over but the elbow misses. There are a lot of standoffs in this. Barry backdrops him down and they stare at each other some more. The camera guy looks at the fans as they chant for Flair. Nice job dude.

They go to the mat and Barry finally pops him in the face. A suplex puts Windham down and they stand off AGAIN. A figure four is broken up by Lex despite Barry not touching the leg at all yet. We’re like five minutes into the match so far and NOTHING has happened. Barry grabs a headlock and runs Luger over again. Lex grabs a sleeper but Barry counters into one of his own. Riveting stuff I tell you. Riveting.

Luger sends him into the corner to escape and this a DDT for two. That’s your biggest move so far people: a DDT. Lex goes up and gets slammed down, followed by a knee drop for two from Barry. Windham misses a top rope knee drop and Lex hits his series of clotheslines for two. There’s a powerslam and Luger puts him in the Rack but Barry kicks off the cage and backflips out in a cool counter.

A belly to back puts Luger down but he shrugs it off and loads up a superplex. That gets countered and Barry hits a top rope lariat. A regular lariat still gets no cover but a slam gets two. Barry goes up and hits a kind of flying superkick for two. Harley Race and Mr. Hughes come out for no apparent reason and Race says NOW IS THE TIME. Luger pops up and piledrives Windham for the pin and the title.

Rating: D+. The problem here is that while there were two or three good minutes at the end, the first five minutes of the thirteen minute match were just dull. The heel turn at the end made NO sense and most people didn’t catch on because they popped for the pin. The match just wasn’t that good but there were good pieces to it if that makes sense. The ending sucked though and that brings it down even more. Eh screw it we’ll go with a D+. They earned it. Take that for what you will.

Paul E. Dangerously/Arn Anderson vs. Rick Steiner/Missy Hyatt

Yeah there’s still this to go. Why is it here? To send the fans home “happy”. JR admits there’s almost no time left. Missy looks better as a brunette. This was supposed to be a six man with Scott and Barry in there, but Scott got hurt by Dick Murdoch and Dick Slater. Speaking of them, they come out to kidnap Missy and make it a handicap match. You know, taking away THE ONLY REASON THIS MATCH EXISTS! This is nothing as they don’t care and there’s no time left. Steiner suplexes Arn down and Paul tags in for no apparent reason. Anderson goes down, Paul gets slammed and clotheslined for the pin. Nothing match.

That’s it. Seriously, that’s how the show ends: with Rick Steiner pinning a manager/commentator in a match he was an accessory to.

Overall Rating: N. As in nothing. I have nothing after that show. I actually feel drained after watching it. This is below a failure. This was absolutely horrible and for the life of me I have no idea who thought this was a good idea. The answer was some combination of JR, Dusty Rhodes and Ole Anderson (not all of them but it’s hard to tell who was booking back then). Either way, this was TERRIBLE with the best match probably being the freaking lumberjack match of all things.

Now for the important question: is this the worst show of all time? Well…..maybe. I can’t say it’s definitively the worst of all time because there are a lot that are very close to it. Take almost any WCW PPV in 1999 or the first half of 2000 and you can clearly say they were bad for how much insanity there was going on. Uncensored 1996 is so bad that it’s hilarious, so I don’t think I can put it below this one, as this was so bad it was painful to sit through. This one can’t even be called boring. It’s firmly in the TERRIBLE category, which is the harder one to get into rather than dull/boring.

There’s nothing worth seeing here and it’s a great example of everything wrong with WCW at this point: corporate guys screwing up wrestling stuff, bad matches, a severe lack of depth in the talent pool, illogical booing (Sting not going over being one of the top issues) and not listening to the audience. Horrible show and easily one of the worst ever, but maybe not the worst.

With that, WCW PPVs are done. Unlike TNA, there was a long history of these shows and you can see very clear eras of the PPVs. Starting back in the 80s and the NWA era, you had the smoky arenas that were dark and looked like they were out of the 70s. After that you saw a clear jump around 1990 or so to a much better lit and much more modern arena. Things changed again around 1994 with the arrival of Hogan when PPVs became much more unique with the themed sets (always awesome) and the big arena feel. Then after Starrcade 97, things start to go down hill until in 2000 when they have generic sets in tiny arenas.

The general consensus about WCW and something that I agree with is that the corporate people got in the way too much. When they were finally eliminated and guys that knew wrestling were allowed to run things, the company boomed and it boomed well. The PPVs went up with them and you had the roster to help make them into the spectacles that they were. WCW went on a huge roller coaster with these shows, going from slow matches that ate up like 15 minutes each to well planned out fast paced shows, down to drek with more curves and twists than a golf course designed by Dr. Seuss on an LSD trip.

WCW could put on some incredible shows and often times they did. The key thing to them that made them great though was the variety you would get. In WCW’s top days, you would get a brawl, a lucha match, a title match and a technical match in a row on a regular basis. There was something for everyone, which is why WCW got so high. With so wide an audience being brought in, it was easy to get a lot of buys for their shows. Once that went away and it was all shock value and bad matches, the buys went away. At the end of the day, if your wrestling sucks, the people won’t be watching.

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USWA Championship Wrestling
Date: March 16, 1991
Location: USWA Television Studios, Memphis, Tennessee
Commentators: Dave Brown, Michael St. John

Back to Memphis here after that 9 straight PPV marathon I did. Lawler is the world champion again, having beaten Funk in the Mid-South Coliseum on Monday. That being said, he’s taking some time off due to injuries. The world title wasn’t as important in the USWA as it was something you would only see defended once in awhile. Lawler being gone though is a problem as he’s the center of the program by far. Let’s get to it.

After the opening sequence we’re ready to go.

Before we go to the opening match, here are Eric Embry and Tom Pritchard. Pritchard yells about injustice in the world title match. The refereeing cost Funk the title because Jackie Fargo wouldn’t pay attention. Pritchard insists that we see a clip from the match. This looks to be a pretty wild match with Funk throwing any weapon he can find at Lawler. Fargo is indeed pretty biased in his refereeing. It was a fast count at the end if nothing else. Fargo and Lawler cleared the ring of Funk, Embry and Pritchard.

Back in the arena and Tojo Yamamoto (old heel tag wrestler) is here too. Lawler comes out with his new title and says what you see is what you get, so I’m the champ. The Texas guys jump him until Eddie Gilbert makes the save. They get in the ring but the Texas Hangmen come in and beat down the Tennessee guys. Jarrett comes out with a stepladder for the real save.

Danny Davis/Brian Collins vs. Texas Hangmen

One of the Hangmen is named Killer and the other is Psycho, but their names are only on their ring jackets so during the match I have no idea who is who. Let’s say Psycho jumps Collins to start and it’s off to Killer quickly for some pounding. Powerslam kills Collins and it’s back to Psycho. The Hangmen double team Collins and hit a DDT followed by a neckbreker. A double ax/neckbreaker combo gets no cover and the beating continues. Killer hits a belly to belly but pulls Collins up at one. A double powerbomb results in the same. A double headbutt finally ends this.

Rating: D. The only thing I can say here is that of all the squashes I’ve ever seen, this was one of them. What else do you want me to say here at all?

The Hangmen say they’re taking over.

We hear about the show on Monday which has to be moved because of the NIT Basketball Tournament. The announcers explain the details of the show and we run down the card. The main event is a big eight man tag with the main event heels vs. the main event faces. Fargo and Funk are in it and I think you can figure out the other three on each team.

Funk says Lawler and Fargo ripped him off and he was robbed of his world title. He goes on a great rant about how Lawler and Fargo were in on it together and how this brings wrestling down into the sewer but he’s going into the sewer to battle for Texas. To really make it great, he forgets the name of one of his partners. The eight man tag is in a cage it seems. He wants the fans in the Coliseum (where the show won’t be held) to oink like the pigs they are.

Scorpion/Steve Austin vs. Eddie Gilbert/Jeff Jarrett

Jarrett and Austin get us going and Jeff speeds away to frustrate Austin. Austin complaining about a hair pull is amusing. Jeff controls with some armdrags and it’s off to Gilbert for a wristlock. Scorpion, a big fat guy with a black mask, comes in and things slow down. Gilbert takes him down as well as this is a very slow match so far. He chokes away a bit but the fans are ok with it. Off to Jarrett sans tag but the fans are ok with the cheating here.

Gilbert goes for the mask to mess with Scorpion’s mind. After a trip to the floor to get it fixed it’s off to Jarrett again. The “good” guys keep cheating and the fans keep being totally ok with it. With the referee not looking, Gilbert hits the illegal piledriver and Jarrett’s missile dropkick gives them the pin. Austin and manager JC Ice left in the middle of the match it seems.

Rating: D. This was more about character development than a match which is ok, but it’s still pretty boring at the same time. This arm work stuff is really getting old and it makes the matches a lot less interesting than the storyline stuff. Jarrett would get better and a lot more entertaining, but it was long after he left Memphis.

Here are Lawler, Jarrett and Gilbert for a chat. Lawler talks about three appearances he’s doing today, one at a bowling alley for charity and two at hardware stores. He talks about how Eric Embry’s wife is so ugly that Embry took his wife to the dog races in West Memphis and 15 people tried to beg on her. Lawler talks about all the gold he and Jarrett have, which is almost every title in the company. Jarrett doesn’t say much and Gilbert blames the Texas guys for him not having a title.

Jackie Fargo says he’s done more in the Mid-South Coliseum than anyone and he’s coming back to prove that Tennessee is a lot tougher than Texas.

Chris Frazier/Billy Joe Travis vs. Eric Embry/Tom Pritchard

Pritchard and Travis get us going. This is strange as Travis was a heel in Texas and Embry was nearly a folk hero. Embry comes in as does Frazier and Texas takes over. Pritchard keeps running over to the commentary table to yell about how great Texas is. Pritchard hits a slingshot suplex and a top rope headbutt from Embry gets the pin. Total and complete squash.

House show ads.

We get a clip from a cage match between Embry and Gilbert where Gilbert was handcuffed to the cage. Eddie’s brother Doug came in but got beaten down as well. Doug took two spike piledrivers on the floor so he’s pretty much dead. The beating continues until Jackie Fargo comes in for the save, allowing Jarrett to get back up.

Embry and Pritchard aren’t worried about the match Monday. I’m not sure if it’s in a cage or not, despite what Funk said.

Monday show ad.

We get a clip from a show in Dallas where Danny Davis lost the Light Heavyweight Title to El Grande Pistolero. Pistolero cheated a lot and we’re told that he won. Ok then.

Sgt. O’Reilly vs. Bill Dundee

The announcers admit that this is going to be one sided. Dundee works on the arm after taking it to the mat with ease. Sleeper ends this quick.

Post match, Austin and JC Ice (Dundee’s son) come out and beat down Bill, with JC yelling about how his dad doesn’t have any friends. After the evil ones leave, a busted open Dundee yells about how he’s going to beat up Austin if that’s what it takes to get his son back, because he’s used to being the little guy fighting the bully.

Overall Rating: C+. This was decent enough but the Texas stuff could get old fast. Still though, it’s cool to have a big story like this. Lawler vs. Funk is fine and transitioning from that over to some other feuds with Lawler should work well. Pritchard and Embry leave a bit to be desired and Texas will need to actually win something if this is going to go long term, but it’s just started so there’s a lot of time. Decent but not great show this week.

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USWA Championship Wrestling
Date: February 9, 1991
Location: USWA Television Studios, Memphis, Tennessee
Commentators: Dave Brown, Michael St. John

This is the last USWA show that I have at the moment but hopefully that’ll change in the near future. These shows have been really entertaining and there are some people coming in that I’d really like to see. Lawler and Jarrett won the tag titles on Monday over the Fabulous Ones so I’m sure we’ll talk about that a lot today. Let’s get to it.

Eric Embry is here today as is Eddie Gilbert. I haven’t seen them in awhile.

Tom Pritchard vs. Jerry Lynn

Jamie Dundee is refereeing and he pulls Pritchard’s arm to prevent him from throwing a punch. Pritchard is a doctor because he’s a psychologist in the ring. It’s about time they explained that name. Pritchard controls to start with some very basic stuff, getting two off a suplex. Sunset flip and small package get two each for Lynn. The referee gets knocked down but wakes up quickly enough to count a pin by Pritchard while his feet are on the ropes. I smell shenanigans. Too short to rate but this was fine.

We see the tag title match from Monday which was a total brawl. Cornette had powder but Fargo knocked it back into his face. Lane was going to hit him with the racket but Keirn made the save, allowing Jarrett to hit a dropkick for the titles. Post match Eddie Gilbert returned and beat down the new champions to try to collect the bounty. Lawler got up and beat up Gilbert. They went into the crowd and Gilbert threw a fireball at Lawler.

We get a clip from the dressing room with Lawler being interviewed about Gilbert. Lawler says that Eddie Gilbert and the Fabulous Ones were in it together all along and split Funk’s bounty money. There’s nothing Gilbert can do to get rid of Lawler no matter how much he tries. Eddie shows up but a suit says if Gilbert doesn’t leave he’ll be arrested. Gilbert yells into the camera that no one knows where he’s been and this is his town now.

Eric Embry vs. Cody Michaels

I thought we got rid of Embry. Embry takes him to the mat with ease but gets backdropped. They go to the mat and Eric punches him into the corner. They collide and Eric drops a headbutt for a pin even though Michaels was in the ropes. Dundee was the referee again.

Here’s Jerry in a suit and tie. Now there’s something you don’t see every day. He talks about going to someone’s house that you don’t know that well and they have a small dog. The dog might nip at your heels when your back is to them but when you look at them, they run and hide. The fire only burned his shoulder apparently. Here’s Gilbert and it’s on. They turn over the desk and Lawler loses his suit jacket. The locker room empties out to tear them apart.

Mid-South ad. Jeff Jarrett is defending against a guy whose name I won’t say because he’ll be here later in the show.

Actually that challenger is here now. He’s been named Rookie of the Year by PWI and says that things are going well for him and his girl. Here’s his match.

Danny Davis vs. Steve Austin

His girl is named Jeannie, who is more famous as Lady Blossom, whose chest is probably bigger than Trish Stratus’. Jamie Dundee is refereeing again and doesn’t see a quick sunset flip by Davis. Austin works the arm and pulls Davis’ hair but denies it to the referee. Davis backslides him but Jamie is over with Jeannie again. Into the ropes and Austin hits the Stun Gun (not named yet) but Davis has his feet on the ropes.

It’s so weird seeing Austin with shoulder length blonde hair and flower shorts. Small package has the same result for Davis as the other two. Austin charges into the post and Davis hits the neckbreaker, but Dundee turns away to talk to Jeannie. Eddie Marlon, the boss, comes out and stops the match with no winner declared.

Rating: C. This was way more about the angle with Dundee than the match, but it’s always cool to see a future legend out here when he’s first starting out. Austin had the fire in him and was ok in the ring, but he was far from the awesome level that he would become. It’s amazing to think that in four months he would be WCW TV Champion. They had some good scouts in that company.

Marlon and Dundee argue a lot and Dundee says that Max Andrews, I think the owner of the place, hired him so Marlon can’t fire him. No he can’t, but he can take him off the job. Bill Dundee (Jamie’s dad) comes out and says that Jamie is going to quit rather than be fired. Bill yells at him and Jamie says he’s not quitting. Jamie says that he doesn’t live with his dad anymore so it’s not his rules. That’s why Jamie’s mom left too: Bill had to have it his way. Bill pulls the belt off Eddie and whips his son with it. That’s awesome.

Here’s Gilbert for an interview where he says that he doesn’t care about what anyone says: he wants Lawler to look him in the eye and get out of his way so that he can have his time in the spotlight. Here’s Lawler and they’re at it again. It’s broken up just as quick.

New Kids/Bill Dundee vs. Uptown Connection

That’s the Lee/Doug Gilbert/White Boy team’s name now. Eddie Marlon is refereeing because Dundee got fired. Tom Pritchard comes out to ask when he gets an interview and is mad when he finds out he’s not on the schedule. The New Kids dropkick down everyone so White Boy brings in a chair. He drops it on the floor as the announcers try to throw Pritchard out.

Christopher and Gilbert start but it’s quickly off to Anthony and then back to Lee. Lee drops Christopher across the top rope and it’s off to Gilbert. More pounding follows and it’s White Boy in. He gets rolled up for two and it’s back to Lee. The Uptown guys tag in and out very fast, which is a recurring idea in the USWA. Everything breaks down and Marlon goes down, so the locker room all comes in for the DQ.

Rating: D. The match was nothing of note here and the referee didn’t mean a thing until the very end. The post match stuff which we’ll get to in a moment was a lot more interesting, which is the usual case in this company. The Uptown Connection just wasn’t that interesting, but they served well as the heel team.

Bruno chokes Marlon while Jamie comes out and whips his dad with a belt. The US Males and some other guys come in for the save.

Mid-South stuff.

We get a clip from Monday with Chris Walker (who has a small chance at being Renegade from WCW. His last name was Walker and they look almost identical) vs. Pritchard. Walker was throwing him around when Gilbert and Anthony came in for the DQ, only to be saved by US Male.

The US Males come out and say exactly what you would expect them to say about Gilbert and Anthony.

Jarrett comes up and talks about his upcoming title match with Austin. He’s still REALLY bad at talking. Here he seems to advocate domestic violence against Jeannie, who used to be married to Chris Adams. Cue Jeannie who says Jeff wouldn’t know a lady if one was standing in front of him. She slaps Jeff so Jeff takes his jacket off and grabs her wrist as she tries another slap. Cue Austin for the required brawl. They go into the ring and Austin clotheslines him down but Jeff punches him to the floor.

Sgt. O’Reilly/Keith Eric/Eli The Eliminator vs. US Males/Jeff Jarrett

Marlon is refereeing again. Walker vs. Eric to start us off but it’s quickly off to the other Male. Jarrett in now as the quick tagging continues here. Eli comes in and pounds on Jeff, including one of the weakest slams I can remember in a long time. Legdrop gets two. Sarge comes in and just like every other time he’s been in the ring, things go badly for him. Back to Thompson (the other Male whose name I couldn’t remember earlier) who gets two as Eric has to make the save. Jarrett works the arm and it’s back to Walker again. Things break down and it finally ends with a top rope Jarrett cross body to Sarge.

Rating: D. This was really boring as it was in essence a squash. It only ran four and a half minutes but it felt about three times that, which is never a good sign. Jeff had it in the ring but he really didn’t click in full for a few more years. Granted being Simply Irresistible didn’t help him that much.

The announcers wrap it up.

Overall Rating: D+. I really didn’t like this show that well. That being said, there was a huge angle going here with Gilbert vs. Lawler and the Austin match is exciting, but it just wasn’t that interesting overall. The six man tags were pretty boring but maybe it’s because you see the same guys every week. In essence, the big stuff is good but the lower stuff is weak.

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USWA Championship Wrestling
Date: February 2, 1991
Location: USWA Television Studios, Memphis, Tennessee
Commentator: Dave Brown

After Monday’s show, the tag titles are vacant. There was some kind of a controversial finish in the Fabs vs. Lawler/Jarrett and we’ll have a rematch two days after this show. Gee, I wonder if they’ll have Lawler talk a lot about it here. I’ve been enjoying these shows as they fly by pretty fast and Lawler is awesome at this point. Let’s get to it.

New Kids vs. Fabulous Ones

Tony dropkicks Stan down to start as Cornette is running his mouth on commentary. Miller is kicked down by Stan Lane the Karate Master so it’s off to Christopher. Brian superkicks Keirn down for two and Cornette is losing it. He goes to manage as Keirn can’t figure Christopher out. A backdrop finally puts him down so it’s off to Lane who gets caught in a quick sunset flip for two. Off to Tony who is slammed down with ease.

Jim is back on commentary to make the match that much better. The New Kids keep trying for a fast win because they can’t go man to man vs. the Fabs. Keirn slams Tony’s head into a chair on the floor and it’s back inside. Tony gets between Stan’s legs and makes the tag to Christopher. The Fabs double team him again and it’s back to the outside. Keirn is illegal and piledrives Miller for the DQ. It was a DQ at times and at times it wasn’t so it’s hard to keep up with.

Rating: C-. Not much of a match but this is how you give someone a rub. The New Kids weren’t proven yet so having them hang in there with a famous team like the Fabulous Ones and even pick up a win here is a great way to make the New Kids look a lot better. The Fabs couldn’t pin them which is a major key. Not a great match, but a good rub.

Lawler makes the save post match.

After a break Lawler says he’ll be at a sporting goods store today so come see him and get some free stuff. We get a clip from the tag title match on Monday where the Fabulous Ones cheated to hit three piledrivers on Jarrett. Lawler finally got the hot tag and cleaned house. The referee went down and Lane took a piledriver. Jamie Dundee, future wrestler but current referee, comes in to call for the DQ as the regular referee was waking up to count the fall.

Lawler says the titles are being held up and Dundee will be in their corner for the rematch on Monday. Also the special guest referee will be Jackie Fargo. That’s a huge deal. Lawler talks about the history with Fargo who mentored all three of them (Lawler and Fabs) and how the Fabs are nothing to be proud of now that they’re with Cornette. Solid promo here from Lawler.

Video on Jackie Fargo and his influence on the Fabs. This includes a clip from 1982 with Fargo saying if the Fabs ever changed their attitudes, he’d leave them.

Cornette talks about how the deck is stacked up against them because there’s no other way for Lawler to beat them. He says that after they get the titles, they’ll take out Fargo. That’s crossing the line to the Fabs and Keirn rips into him. They leave and Cornette is panicking.

Mid-South show ad.

US Male Curtis Thompson (a mailman) says he doesn’t want to be with Robert Fuller anymore. Neither does his new partner, who is named Chris Walker.

US Males vs. Bill Rush/Sgt. O’Reilly

So one of the guys is named US Male and the team is the US Males? So Walker doesn’t mean much at all here does he? Walker and the Sarge start and it’s off to the mailman quickly. Thompson slams him a few times so it’s time for Rush. A gorilla press gets about 10 reps and a suplex/cross body combination gets the quick pin.

Uptown Bruno’s boys run their mouths for a bit.

Brian Lee/Doug Gilbert/Dirty White Boy vs. Freezer Thompson/TD Steel/Night Train Jackson

White Boy and Thompson start us off and all of the heels get slammed. The first thirty seconds of this has Bruno saying one LONG sentence. Jackson has a pretty awesome name. Freezer gets taken down and it’s finally off to Steel. Jackson comes in and is immediately triple teamed and pinned. Squash here.

House show ads.

Lawler introduces some guys from the sporting goods store that he’ll be at later today.

We meet a new team called the Eliminators. One is in a mask and the other isn’t Kronus. The guy in the mask talks and that’s not Saturn so these are different Eliminators.

Eliminators vs. Keith Eric/Chris Frazier

The Eliminators go crazy and it’s a wild beating before the bell. We start with the masked one vs. Frazier with the latter being quickly thrown to the outside. Frazier gets thrown into the corner and a double team sets up a kind of top rope cross body/shoulder block for the pin. Total squash.

Mid-South show ads.

Cornette brings out the Fabs again and it’s the same thing again: Keirn will not jump Fargo, period. Since the last time they were here, a kid asked him to do anything but hurt Jackie. Keirn says he won’t fight Jackie no matter what and leaves. Cornette is freaking out and says they’ll win anyway because they’re awesome.

Tom Pritchard and Terry Garvin are here with Uptown Bruno and say they’re awesome, but they don’t want to be in Memphis. They support Funk, not Lawler and Dundee. Pritchard wants Jarrett’s Southern Heavyweight Title. Garvin says he’s a barber and is going to cut hair starting today. He says Danny Davis gets his blonde hair from peroxide, not his mama’s side or his daddy’s side.

Tom Pritchard/Terry Garvin vs. Danny Davis/Jerry Lynn

Pritchard and Davis start things off and that goes nowhere. Double tag to Lynn and Garvin and they run the ropes. Garvin hurts his knee on a leapfrog but he’s goldbricking. Lynn hits a king of tilt-a-whirl to take him back down and it’s back to Davis. His neckbreaker gets two and everything breaks down. Bruno sprays something on a towel and runs in to smother Davis with it, drawing a quick DQ.

Both guys are knocked out by the ether rag and Davis almost gets a haircut but the save is made.

Overall Rating: C+. This was a much better show as the stuff about Jackie was really interesting and a nice touch to add to the story. It makes this feel like a much bigger match rather than just another match where the tag titles are up for grabs. That’s really been missing from the shows so it’s nice to see them add it in. Good stuff.

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USWA Championship Wrestling
Date: January 26, 1991
Location: USWA Television Studios, Memphis, Tennessee
Commentator: Dave Brown

Back to Memphis and the continuing saga of Lawler vs. an old tag team. I’ve got three episodes in a row of this which I’m going to run through before moving on to something else. At the moment that’s all I’ve got but I’m pretty sure more will be coming later on. Things have been going well with this show so far so maybe it’ll stay that way. Let’s get to it.

After the opening video, Brown runs down the card.

Downtown Bruno is now Uptown Bruno and wearing a tuxedo and a top hat. He and Terry Garvin say it’s a new time now when Lawler comes out and rolls his eyes. He gets in a few wise cracks and we’re ready to go.

Jerry Lawler vs. Terry Garvin

Uptown Bruno runs his mouth for awhile on commentary as the stalling is going on. We’re a minute in and there hasn’t been any contact. Ok there’s a lockup so we’re really going now. A right hand puts Garvin on the floor and he yells at the fans a bit. Garvin wants to box and Lawler is fine with it, so Garvin runs again. Back in Garvin charges into a boot in the corner. They’re averaging a strike a minute so far.

Bruno slips Garvin a chain and a pair of shots with it puts Lawler down. Piledriver further kills the King and Bruno chokes a bit. A third chain shot puts him down but Lawler pulls the strap down. He punches Garvin into the ropes and calls for something. Someone throws a pair of scissors in and the chase is on. Garvin runs out for the countout.

Rating: C-. Pretty boring match here as the majority of it was brawling. That’s Memphis 101 though: they’ve very much into a simpler style but it works pretty well as far as a crowd reaction. Stuff like trying to cut someone’s hair is an act of war and a non-existent chain is all you need to send the crowd into a frenzy. It’s the polar opposite of Raw and to an extent it really works.

We see the clip from a few weeks ago where the Fabs turned on Lawler.

We get a clip from the Mid-South Coliseum of the first big match between Lawler/Dundee vs. the Fabulous Ones. Jarrett came in to take out Cornette but it let Keirn hit Lawler with the racket for two. Dundee went off on everyone with the racket for the DQ but the Fabs got it and it was a big beatdown. Jarrett finally got back up and saved them.

Dundee says that the Fabs are Cornette’s puppets and that he’s injured. He’ll be back despite the injuries he got in the tag match we just saw.

Cornette and the Fabs say they’re not here tonight and they’re mad because they didn’t get a dime off Funk (the world champion who hasn’t been on TV in a month, which is normal) for Dundee but if Lawler/Jarrett want to come after the titles, bring it on.

Lawler says Cornette and the Fabs have to win matches with something other than their mouths. He says that everyone from Hogan to Savage to Funk has tried to put him out but he’s still here. Jarrett and Lawler are taking the belts on Monday.

Mid-South show ad, which is going to include a Rumble Royal, which is exactly what it sounds like.

Jarrett says that the Fabs used to be awesome when Fabulous Jackie Fargo groomed them but now they’re controlled by a leech named Jim Cornette. Apparently Lane had a big hand in training Jarrett. Jeff is REALLY bad on the mic here. Lawler was groomed by Fargo as well but he actually did what Fargo said and he’s still around. That’s one of the big points of this match.

Rumble Royal ad.

Freezer Thompson/TD Steel vs. Jeff Gaylord/Brian Lee

Gaylord and Steel start us off. Gaylord is a muscle guy and his team is managed by Bruno. Steel looks to be a karate guy but he gets clotheslined down pretty quickly. Off to Lee who beats up Steel and then beats up Thompson. There isn’t much to talk about here other than how fat Thompson is. The idea here is that Thompson is fat but the heel team can pick him up a lot. Interesting no? Back to Steel and Gaylord sets him for a Sharpshooter but instead of turning him over, Gaylord leans forward for a pin. That’s a new one.

House show ads. Lawler plugs his stretcher match in Arkansas with Garvin.

Cody Michaels/Jerry Lynn vs. Sgt. O’Reilly/Bill Rush

A backdrop pins Rush in 17 seconds. There was even a tag in there too.

The winners go for an interview when Bruno interrupts them. It’s a distraction so that Doug Gilbert and the Dirty White Boy can come in for the double beatdown. They hammer on Lynn/Michaels for a bit until Lawler and the New Kids make the save.

Video of Jarrett.

Mid-South show ad. Gaylord and Lee say they’re looking forward to the Rumble Royal.

Danny Davis talks about Sadaam Hussein and the Patriot Missiles. Oh and he’ll beat up Brian Lee in Arkansas.

Danny Davis vs. Ronnie Leech

How would you like to grow up with the name Ronnie Leech? Davis controls the arm but gets rammed into the corner by some shoulders. Floatover suplex gets two for Danny. Neckbreaker ends this quick.

Sgt. O’Reilly/Doug Gilbert/Dirty White Boy vs. New Kids/Ben Jordan

The Sarge is replacing Downtown Bruno who was supposed to be in there. Bruno says Downtown Bruno is gone because Uptown Bruno is here. Cheap but acceptable I guess. Brian Christopher takes both guys down with dropkicks and the heels have a huddle outside. We get Anthony vs. Tony of the New Kids and the ring is cleared again. Back to Christopher and then off to Jordan vs. Gilbert. A blind tag to Anthony (Tony Anthony is Dirty White Boy) allows the double teaming to begin on Tony Michaels. After a few more minutes of the beating, Lynn and Cody Michaels run in for the DQ.

Rating: D+. Pretty boring match but at least they paid off the angle from earlier in the night. Christopher would turn heel later in the year and finally get to the successful part of his career. Other than that though, there wasn’t much to see here, other than the Dirty White Boy whose name is always worth a chuckle.

A brawl ends the show.

Overall Rating: C-. It wasn’t a great show by any stretch of the imagination, but they set up a major show on Monday night which is the main idea of their TV show. The wrestling left a lot to be desired but there was a lot of action and a lot of angles were advanced, which is really all you can ask for on a show like this. Decent but nothing great.

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