Royal Rumble 1996
Date: January 21, 1996
Location: Selland Arena, Fresno, California
Attendance: 9,600
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Mr. Perfect

We’re in the Monday Night Wars era now and it’s all about Shawn at the moment. He’s back from injury and in the Rumble tonight, looking to become the second person ever to win back to back Rumbles. Other than that we’ve got Bret vs. Undertaker which is another of those matches that can be hit or miss. It’s hard to say what we’ll get here….well not really because I’ve seen this show a bunch of times. Let’s get to it.

We open with Sunny in a bathtub, saying this show is graphic and view discretion is advised.

The opening video is about how the champion is defined by Hart, as in Bret Hart. Tonight though he’s against a force who has no heart, in the form of Undertaker. The IC Title match (Ramon vs. Goldust) and the Rumble are talked about as well.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Ahmed Johnson

Last month at IYH, Jarrett hit Johnson with a gold record to set this up. Johnson is basically Ezekiel Jackson with a bit of skill and charisma. Jarrett immediately bails to the floor to hide. Back in he tries a hiptoss and Ahmed is like boy are you stupid or something? A headlock is easily countered by a throw from Johnson and a clothesline takes Jarrett down. There’s a World’s Strongest Slam for two for Ahmed and things slow down again. Johnson misses a clothesline by a mile but Jeff sells it anyway of course.

A cross body misses as well but this time Johnson goes flying over the top, getting his hand caught in the ropes on the way down. A HARD whip into the steps puts Johnson down and we head back in. Ahmed starts no selling stuff and catches a dive in a bearhug. That goes nowhere so Johnson sends him to the floor and hits a big dive. Back in and Ahmed misses a FREAKING SWANTON (remember that he weighs like 280) and there’s the Figure Four from Jarrett. Johnson powers out of it twice, so Jarrett cracks him with the guitar off the top for the LAME DQ.

Rating: C-. I was always an Ahmed fan so this was an easy pass for me. The image of the Swanton looked great if nothing else, which is more than enough to give this a pass. Jarrett was such a mess at this point and never went anywhere in the WWF. The ending completely sucked though and it really brought things down.

BUY OUR STUFF!

Diesel isn’t worried about the Rumble tonight and doesn’t think it’s Vader Time. He doesn’t care who he faces at Mania, but he isn’t happy with Taker being the #1 contender.

Tag Titles: Smoking Gunns vs. Bodydonnas

The Bodydonnas are Skip (Chris Candido) and Zip (Tom Prichard with a BIG haircut). They have Sunny with them and my goodness is she smoking (no pun intended) here. The Guns are defending. Skip and Billy start things off with Skip taking over with a headscissors. Just like Ahmed earlier, Billy misses a charge against the ropes and crashes to the outside. Both Gunns get double teamed until Bart ducks out of the way, allowing a charging Billy to dive onto both Donnas on the floor.

Things settle down a bit and it’s back to Billy vs. Skip with the champion in control. Sunny hits on Bart until it’s Bart vs. Zip. A gorilla press puts Zip down but he makes a blind tag, allowing Skip to take over. The champions are fine with the double teaming stuff too, and take over on Skip very easily. Sunny gets on the apron and is knocked off just as quickly, giving us a nice upskirt shot in the process.

Now we get to the important part of the match as Billy goes to check on Sunny, allowing the Donnas to pound away on Bart. Skip hits a nice plancha onto Billy before suplexing Zip onto Billy for two back inside. Billy gets to play Ricky Morton for awhile, being put in a chinlock by Zip. This goes on for awhile until we get a sloppy spot where the Donnas collide and Skip rams heads will Billy. This would work a bit better if Billy wasn’t about eight inches taller than Candido.

Hot tag brings in Bart and everything breaks down with the champions taking over. The Sidewinder (side slam/guillotine legdrop combo) crushes Zip but Sunny’s distraction lets Skip break things up and take Zip’s place. Ignore the fact that one has the straps of his singlet up and the other doesn’t, and the fact that they look as different as Demolition did. In an ending the Expresses used back in the 80s, the Donnas load up a double suplex on Bart, but Billy spears Skip down, causing Bart to fall on Zip for the pin to retain.

Rating: C-. Tag wrestling at this time was really weak with very few solid teams anywhere to be found. The Gunns were ok at best and the Donnas were only popular because of Sunny. Billy would turn heel relatively soon and would eventually join up with Road Dogg to form the New Age Outlaws and turn the division completely upside down. Nothing much to see here but it certainly wasn’t terrible.

We get some of the Billionaire Ted skits, which were unfunny shots at Ted Turner. Not his wrestling company directly, but Turner himself. I’m still not sure why they decided to do these but no one liked them and they came off as mean instead of funny or witty. Note Vince Russo as one of the executives in the board room skit.

We recap Razor vs. Goldust, where Goldust is hitting on Razor to mess with his mind before the match tonight. To say Goldust’s character got them in hot water around this point is a huge understatement.

Intercontinental Title: Razor Ramon vs. Goldust

The yet to be named Marlena debuts with Goldie here. Razor is defending as is his custom. Feeling out process to start with Goldust playing his usual mind games, which means rubbing himself. Razor cranks on the arm before grabbing a headlock which goes nowhere. Goldust goes behind Razor and molests him a bit to psych Razor out even more. They head to the corner with Razor having his head rubbed a bit, ticking him off even more.

Razor goes for the arm so Goldust slaps him in the face. Perfect keeps making sex jokes as Razor slaps Goldust right back in the face. He spanks Goldie once as well, but the painted dude likes it. We head to the floor where Goldust hides behind Marlena as the stalling continues. Back in and Razor tries three straight headscissors before punching Goldust to the floor with a single shot.

We get more stalling which is called playing mind games before Ramon clotheslines him right back to the outside. Razor has to move Marlena out of the way, allowing Goldust to FINALLY do something, taking over with a shot to the ribs. Back in and Goldust focuses on the ribs, but not too much because that might mean we have some speed to this match. A bulldog gets two for Goldust as does a slingshot belly to back suplex.

Off to a sleeper, which Perfect suggests Goldust could use to do “whatever he wants” to Goldust. Much like everything else in the match, this goes on way too long until Razor fights up and kicks Goldust low. He’s so spent though that Goldie gets a two count, causing Razor to start his comeback. He fires off his usual punches and the chokeslam gets two. A belly to back superplex hit but Marlent distracts the referee, allowing the 1-2-3 Kid to come in and kick Razor’s head off. Goldust gets the easy pin and the title.

Rating: D-. Sweet freaking goodness this was dull. It went on WAY too long and had a bad ending on top of that, plus the stupid “psychology” from Goldust which wound up being more unpleasant than interesting or intelligent. Goldust would get WAY better when he became more of a comedy/parody character rather than this freaky dude that he was to start his WWF run. The matches got a lot better as a result too.

Wrestlemania 12 is coming.

We get the usual promos for the Rumble, but we start with a statement from Shawn’s doctor who says he’s back and healthy. Thankfully this is kept VERY short and he’s not dull. We hear from Owen, Roberts, Lawler, Horowitz, Vader and Shawn. Shawn would be the most obvious winner ever in the Rumble since…..well since last year when he was the absolutely obvious pick to win.

Vince and Perfect talk about the Rumble a bit.

Royal Rumble

HHH is #1, having lost a match on the Free for All to Duke Droese, who won the right to be #30. Henry Godwinn is #2 and I believe he’s feuding with HHH at this point. Helmsley pounds away in the corner to start but gets backdropped down very quickly. The intervals are back to two minutes this year thank goodness. Trips pokes him in the eye and chokes away until Bob Backlund is #3. Backlund saves HHH before pounding away on him. These wide shots are showing how nearly empty the upper deck is.

Jerry Lawler is #4 as HHH hits the jumping knee to the face of Godwinn. The fans chant Burger King and you know Lawler isn’t going to pass up a chance to rile up a crowd. He goes to get the slop bucket that Godwinn brought with him, but Henry clears the ring and gets the bucket, throwing it over the top onto Lawler and some of Backlund. Bob Holly is #5 and things slow down a bit until HHH erupts on Godwinn for some reason.

We get some slow paced elimination teases until Mabel is #6. Still nothing happens so here’s Jake Roberts at #7 to an ERUPTION. No one is eliminated yet. Jake throws in the snake and everyone but Lawler can get to the floor. After nearly giving him a heart attack with the snake, Lawler disappears for a good while as he hides under the ring. Mabel gets tied up in the ropes and pounded on for a bit until Dory Funk Jr. is #8.

The DDT is countered by HHH as we hear about a friendship between Terry Funk and Bruce Willis of all people. Backlund and Funk go at it because they’re both old and I doubt Dory knows most of the other people in the ring. Lawler is seen hiding under the ring. Yokozuna is #9 as there are WAY too many people in the match at the moment. Backlund puts Dory in the chickenwing and is eliminated by Yoko for a prize. Yoko crushes Godwinn in the corner but Mabel splashes Yoko, killing Henry in the process.

The 1-2-3 Kid is #10 but Razor charges down the aisle to chase him away (not eliminated). Officials get Razor off the Kid but it takes Mabel beating Razor down to stop the chases. It amazes me that Razor wasn’t in more Rumbles. Come to think of it….he was NEVER in a Rumble. Omori, a Japanese star that doesn’t mean much yet, is #11. At the moment we’ve got HHH, Godwinn, Lawler (under the ring), Holly, Mabel, Roberts, Funk, Yoko, the Kid and Omori in the match.

Wait where is Godwinn? I guess he went out off camera. Yoko and Mabel double team Omori until Jake pounds away on Yoko to the loudest reactions of the match so far. Funk hits a double underhook suplex on the Kid as Savio Vega is #12. He spinwheel kicks Mabel down, allowing Yoko to dump the reigning King (Mabel if you’re lucky enough to not remember that gimmick). Omori goes out thanks to Roberts and things slow down again.

Vader debuts at #13 and lumbers around while not doing much. He picks Bob Holly of all people to beat on first as Vega eliminates Dory. Vader pulls Savio back in from the apron for no apparent reason other than he wants to beat on him some more. Doug Gilbert from Memphis is #14 and HHH goes right after him for no apparent reason. Vader and Yoko slug it out to a big reaction but Vader has to stop to clothesline Roberts out.

The camera work in this is really bad as they keep looking at corners of the ring instead of the full thing, making us miss a lot of stuff. Savio pounds on Vader until one of the Squat Team members (BIG fat guys who are there because they’re fat and look alike) is #15. Vader sloppily throws Gilbert out and does the same to the Squat Team dude. Yoko and Vader slug it out again and people respond again.

The other member of the Squat Team is #16 but they both get in to double team Vader. The Mastodon (Vader) punches their faces in as only Vader can do before knocking them both to the floor. Owen Hart is #17 and everyone but Yoko is on one side of the ring for some reason. Vader and Yoko double team Savio who doesn’t seem interested in selling at all. A pair of splashes in the corner crushes him, as do a regular splash and the big leg from Yoko.

Shawn is #17 to a decent pop but significantly smaller than Jake’s. Vader throws out Savio as Shawn goes after HHH and the Kid. Vader and Yoko slug it out a bit before slugging it out a lot. They fight against the ropes, so Shawn gets a running start and dumps them BOTH AT ONCE. Now THAT wakes up the crowd. If that’s not enough, Shawn gorilla presses (!) the Kid to the floor as the ring is suddenly very thin. Hakushi is #19 as the big guys fight on the floor.

Scratch the floor part as Vader gets back in and cleans house, but none of the eliminations count because he’s not legal. Once he’s finally taken away, we’ve got Shawn, HHH, Holly, Hart, Hakushi and Lawler underneath the ring. Tatanka is #20 as Shawn thrown Jim Cornette, Vader’s manager, out. Hakushi hits a Muta elbow on Hart in the corner as HHH of course goes after Shawn.

Michaels teases a bunch of eliminations to try to make us think he’s not winning. Owen dumps Hakushi as Aldo Montoya (Justin Credible with a jock strap over his face) is #21. Shawn gets sent through the ropes to the floor, where he pulls Lawler out and sends him back into the ring. Tatanka puts out Montoya as Shawn puts out Lawler.

Here’s Diesel at #22 and house is cleaned. There goes Tatanka at the hands of the tall one and it’s time for Shawn vs. Diesel which gets a pop but is too short to mean much. Kama (Godfather) is #23 as this continues to go slowly. Shawn pounds on Holly (why is he still in this?) in the corner as Kama and Diesel slug it out. The Ringmaster (Steve Austin who is brand new here) is #24. He’s in white boots which is a really strange thing to see for him.

Shawn does his usual overblown self safe as Holly and Austin fight. FINALLY Holly goes out after nearly forty minutes. HHH vs. Austin happens about three years before it would mean anything. Barry Horowitz (with the AWESOME rock version of Hava Nagila) is #25 and he goes after Diesel. Well no one ever accused him of being brilliant. Shawn nips up to knock Owen to the apron, but Hart skins the cat back in. Cool little sequence there.

HHH punches Diesel, so Diesel grabs him by the head and LAUNCHES him to the floor. The Game made it about 48 minutes which isn’t bad at all. MAKING A DIFFERENCE Fatu (don’t ask. PLEASE don’t ask) is #26 and he doesn’t do much. Shawn and Owen can’t suplex the other one out so here’s Isaac Yankem DDS (Kane) at #27. The ring is WAY too full but Barry is put out to thin it out a bit.

Owen hits the enziguri on Shawn which put Michaels on the shelf leading up to this match. Shawn hangs on AGAIN though and puts Owen out while we’re looking at a double feature. Austin kills Shawn with a clothesline and here’s Marty Jannetty at #28. Fatu superkicks Kane as the burst of energy from Marty is already gone. Shawn and Jannetty go at it because they’re former partners. Perfect: “They’re rocking now aren’t they?” They punch each other down and the British Bulldog is #29.

Smith goes right for Shawn because of what happened last year. I love little bits of continuity like that which you never get anymore. Davey puts out Marty as Fatu GOES OFF on Austin before clotheslining him out off camera. Yankem puts out Fatu and here’s Duke Droese at #30. The final group is Shawn, Droese, Diesel, Smith, Yankem and Kama.

Smith and Michaels fight to the floor and Owen jumps Shawn for good measure. Shawn shrugs it off and goes in to dropkick Yankem out. Kama and Diesel put out Droese to get us down to four. Shawn clotheslines Smith out before skinning the cat back in. Diesel dumps Kama and Shawn superkicks the tall one (in the shoulder) out to win for the second year in a row.

Rating: D. Oh this was DULL. The problem here was that like last year (although to a MUCH weaker degree), there were very few guys you could buy as a winner here. It’s FAR better than last year’s match but the crowd was dead for long stretches of this, mainly due to boredom. You could see the star power of the future, but that’s the problem: they weren’t stars yet and no one bought them at this point. The match isn’t bad, but it’s definitely not good if that makes sense.

Diesel is ticked off about the ending and goes back in as Shawn is stripping. They do their old Wolfpack thing in the middle of the ring (a high five where Shawn has to jump) and all is cool. Shawn poses for a long time post match.

Oh yeah we’ve got a thirty minute match left to go.

WWF World Title: Undertaker vs. Bret Hart

Bret is defending and Taker is still in his skull mask period. Diesel is still straggling behind and stares at Taker during his entrance. They brawl with neither guy getting much of an advantage. Since this is WWF, we recap what we just say two minutes ago. After all that, here’s the world champion. Taker stands in the middle of the ring and Bret circles him for a bit. Hart pounds away in the corner and Taker stares at him.

Taker LAUNCHES him into the corner which is one of my favorite of his moves. He chokes Bret in the air and moves very slowly. Off to a smother hold which goes on for a LONG time. Bret finally makes the rope so there’s Old School….which sets up the smother again. Bret fights up and hits a middle rope clothesline followed by a regular one to send Taker to the floor. There’s a dive to take out the challenger as this finally picks up the pace a bit.

Bret tries to dive off the apron at Taker but is pulled out of the air and rammed into the post. Taker rams him into various other things until Bret reverses a whip into the steps, trying to damage Taker’s knees. Back in and Bret works over the knee as this is going nowhere. The Figure Four goes on….and on…..and on……and Taker turns it over.

Bret gets to the rope, so let’s put on ANOTHER LEG HOLD! It’s that always riveting one where Bret drops an elbow on the leg and just lays on it. This is also known as the Dusty Rhodes Special. He does however mix it up by trying to take off Taker’s mask. After being in this for literally about three minutes, Taker smashes his free leg on Bret’s head before we head back to the floor. Taker chokes away with a cord and sends Bret into the barricade as we head back in.

The champ goes back to the freaking knee as the fans loudly boo Bret. Taker’s leg is wrapped around the post a few times and it’s back to laying on the leg. Dear goodness get this over with already. We’re over twenty minutes into this and NOTHING has happened. To save my sanity the hold doesn’t last as long this time and Taker fights back. There are some legdrops and a clothesline as Taker’s knee seems fine. He loads up the Tombstone but Bret slides down his back and guillotines Taker on the ropes.

A DDT puts Taker down and Bret starts headbutting the back. We get the Russian legsweep but Taker sits up. The bulldog takes Taker down and there’s the middle rope elbow. Bret gives the fans a thumbs down and loads up the Sharpshooter. Taker grabs him by the throat to block it but Bret knees him in the ribs. A double clothesline puts both guys down and we lay around a bit more.

Bret is up first and takes off the buckle from a corner. He goes for the mask again and gets it off to reveal….the same Undertaker we’ve seen for like five years at this point. Seriously he looks fine. Taker fights back but gets rammed into the exposed buckle. That gets no sold and it’s a Tombstone for Bret. Since this is such a dull match though, Diesel pulls the referee out at two for a DQ.

Rating: D+. This started VERY slow but got better for the last ten minutes or so, but the ending brings it right back down again. If this had been a fifteen minute match or so it would have been WAY better, but they only had so many other matches on the card, meaning this had to be longer. Diesel would face Taker at Mania of course.

Gorilla Monsoon makes Diesel vs. Bret for the title at the next PPV.

Shawn says the 90s will be his time.

Taker comes in to yell at Gorilla, saying that Diesel won’t be champion on his watch. Gorilla makes it a cage match so Taker can’t interfere.

Diesel goes on a big rant about how he’s not afraid of the dark and says he’s going to have his hands in everything from now on because the WWF is running on Diesel Power. This was his official heel turn.

Cornette says Vader cannot be ignored. He pretty much was until Summerslam.

Overall Rating: D. This is a really weird show to grade because while most of the matches got bad grades, it’s not that bad of a show overall. Don’t get me wrong: it’s bad, but it’s really not as bad as it sounds. The first two matches are certainly watchable, but they’re not that good. The Rumble is also passable, but it’s dull at times. Not horrible, but definitely not worth seeing.

Ratings Comparison

Ahmed Johnson vs. Jeff Jarrett

Original: D+

Redo: C-

Smoking Gunns vs. Bodydonnas

Original: D

Redo: C-

Goldust vs. Razor Ramon

Original: D

Redo: D-

Royal Rumble

Original: D

Redo: D

Bret Hart vs. Undertaker

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: D-

Redo: D

Amazingly enough I liked it a bit better this time.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/15/royal-rumble-count-up-1996-shawns-texas-two-step/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Nitro #17
Date: December 25, 1995
Location: Richmond County Civic Center, Augusta, Georgia
Commentators: Eric Bischoff, Steve McMichael, Bobby Heenan

It’s the Christmas show and of course is taped. This is the go home show for Starrcade where we don’t hear a word about the show I’d bet. This is an odd thing you get to see especially since this was happening on December 18th. This is going off the Fritz Von Erich idea of “Once you open the presents, what else is there to do?” This worked to put it mildly in WCCW so they’re using it here. Let’s get to it.

Lex Luger vs. Scotty Riggs

Luger easily overpowers him to start as he goes for the always insane double run through the American Males. What is he thinking??? Mongo flat out says Riggs can’t beat him which is rather true. Riggs gets some bad dropkicks to send Luger down and to the floor to scream a bit. They talk about Sting and Luger to pass the time that this armbar is giving us.

It’s still weird to hear about the biggest show of the year being on Wednesday. It’s pretty clear they’re resting Luger here by having him lay on the mat for the vast majority of this match. Luger goes off on Riggs after getting such a good long rest like that but runs into a boot in the corner. After a small package gets two, a powerslam sets up the Rack to end this.

Rating: D. Lex Luger vs. Scotty Riggs just got seven minutes. Do I need to explain why this is was a very stupid idea? For one thing, give Luger the rest before being in the big match on Wednesday where he has to wrestle twice at least there two. Stupid booking but that’s WCW for you.

Gene talks to Sting who says he’s tired of being asked about himself and Luger. He also isn’t afraid of New Japan.

Sting vs. Big Bubba

Big Boss Man if you’re not sure. Sting overpowers him to start but walks into an enziguri to the back of his head which is how it works by definition I guess. Sting shouting to the crowd works as well as anything to get the crowd into a match. Hogan is suspended until the end of the year for his actions last week apparently. What a nice thing to give him: Christmas and New Years off.

Bubba has a chinlock on as we’re just waiting for Sting to make his comeback. And yep here it comes. Did anyone not expect that? Bubba gets an atomic drop to take Sting to the floor. In a very cool ending, Bubba goes for a middle rope suplex but Sting rolls through it into a small package to get the pin. I’ve never seen that.

Rating: C-. Pretty basic stuff here with nothing surprising at all. Guys like Bubba were perfect around this time as they were still names and guys like Sting or Luger could beat them for a challenge and still look dominant. I think those people are called jobbers to the stars. Shame they barely exist anymore.

Luger and Hart say Luger is the uncrowned champion. Craig Pittman comes up to say Jimmy should manage him. Jimmy says take this quarter and call a manager that needs a few good men (Pittman was a military character.) Again, this goes nowhere.

Dean Malenko vs. Mr. JL

Well this should be awesome. Dean controls to start which doesn’t surprise me. JL with a big old dive to the floor as this is the old standard of Dean doing his ground stuff and the other Cruiserweight flying all over the place. Jackknife cover gets two for Dean. Sitout powerbomb gets two for JL. Dean hooks a powerbomb but falls backwards into a hot shot in a nice move.

Dean hits his top rope gutbuster for two which Eric of course calls a side breaker. An entirely screwed up leg lock ends JL. I have never seen that before but it works very well. Basically Dean starts by standing up and wraps his leg around JL’s before rolling forward and turning it into a leg bar. SWEET move.

Rating: B-. I really liked this with a lot packed into just a few minutes here. That leg lock was something else and JL flying all over the place to hit all kinds of planchas and dives but getting caught in the end by the wrestler’s hold. What more can you ask for than that? Very fun TV match here.

Flair says he’s awesome and here’s Jimmy Hart. Ah it’s about the Dungeon feud again. Hart offers his services for tonight and the PPV. Flair says sure why not.

WCW World Title: Ric Flair vs. Randy Savage

Yes they’re giving away the main event of Starrcade 48 hours before it airs. You can see the stuff that would bite them in years to come appearing here and there. Feeling out process to start which is odd as these two have fought about a thousand times before. Savage gets a figure four on Flair but since he’s not Jay Lethal he can’t get the submission.

This is a weird kind of match so far. They’re kind of scrapping if that makes sense. Flair can’t get the Figure Four on so he just kicks Savage in the balls to take over. We take a break with Flair still in control and return with a shot of the crowd. Nice job there guys. Flair is dominating here but there isn’t anything special at all here going on. It’s not bad but you can tell they’re off.

Flair works on the bad arm with old school evil tactics. Savage walks into a second low blow as I feel sorry for his testicles. Flair gets a suplex and might have hurt his arm. We get a second commercial and come back to more Flair dominance. Savage isn’t doing much more than anything but punching. The double axe misses to the floor.

Eric talks about how they’re leading the WWF and it kind of makes my head hurt. Flair goes for the knee and Savage is in trouble now. There’s the Figure Four and the same thing you would expect to happen happens with Savage grabbing the rope. Flair gets slammed off the top as they are totally going through the motions here.

Sleeper by Flair and this is just needing to end. Both go down as I hope we don’t have to deal with a run in or something. Flair goes for a Piledriver which is blocked. Top rope double axe puts Flair down again for two. And I was right as here’s Luger for the run in for no apparent reason. And here’s Sting for the big four way brawl to end the show.

Rating: D. Oh this was weak. The match just went nowhere at all and they were going through the motions. I don’t get the idea of having this two days before Starrcade at all because if nothing else the spots they’ll likely repeat then will seem repetitive the second time through. I don’t get this and the match was bad on top of that.

Overall Rating: D. Well to say they’re focusing on two matches is a huge understatement. This was ALL about the Triangle match and the subsequent world title match. The Japan guys weren’t mentioned at all and we now go into Starrcade with nothing of note. I never got the idea behind this booking of the PPV and I don’t think many others did either. Bad go home show for what was a pretty odd PPV.

So that’s the first year of Nitro. Not a ton happened but a lot of the stuff they did was mind blowing at the time. The whole conspiracy and who turns on who stuff was good sounding on paper but it just never worked in reality due to the total lack of resolution to it. Next year they would go with Hogan vs. Giant and Savage vs. Flair for awhile before we got to the epicness that was the Alliance to End Hulkamania before FINALLY Hall showed up in May to light this place on fire. Not much from a wrestling standpoint, but they were coming.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 1997 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/11/20/new-paperback-complete-1997-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

 

Survivor Series 1996
Date: November 17, 1996
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 18,647
Commentators: Jim Ross, Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler

I had three options for an older redo this year (this one, 1988 and 1992) but this one had the most Survivor Series matches plus Steve Austin vs. Bret Hart, which was more than enough to sway me over. This is an interesting time for the company as they’re just starting to get squashed by WCW but the future is here tonight. Let’s get to it.

Free For All: Team Bart Gunn vs. Team Billy Gunn

Bart Gunn, Aldo Montoya, Bob Holly, Jesse James

Billy Gunn, Salvatore Sincere, Justin Bradshaw, The Sultan

This would be the Kickoff Show today. I’ve actually never reviewed this and there’s a chance I’ve never even seen it before. The team names are pretty arbitrary as there’s little rhyme or reason for these pairings, save for maybe the brothers, meaning no one is really a captain. James (Road Dogg of course) is a country singer here and the REAL Double J as part of a stupid angle with the departed Jeff Jarrett. Ok so I might have With My Baby Tonight (his self-performed theme song) on my iPod. At least the angle wasn’t a total loss.

As the Sultan (Rikishi) and Aldo (Justin Credible as a Portuguese man with a jockstrap for a mask) start us off, JR mentions that Austin vs. Hart is a #1 contenders match, which really wasn’t mentioned very often on the actual pay per view. Montoya actually does some damage to Sultan by dropkicking him out to the floor but a cover results in him being launched off. A bad looking piledriver sets up the camel clutch and Montoya is eliminated in a hurry.

Holly comes in with a bulldog as we see Aldo walk up the ramp opposite the cameras (an MSG standard). Sultan grabs a chinlock and we take a break to come back with Sultan slamming Bart on the floor so Sincere (a flamboyant yet still generic Italian) can baseball slide him in the face. Back in and Bart grabs a side slam to get rid of Sincere and tie the match up.

Bradshaw (who JR says is going to be something special) comes in and kicks the freshly tagged Holly in the face. We go to a split screen to see Austin running Dok Hendrix out of his dressing room and come back to Bradshaw hitting the Clothesline From an Undisclosed Location to eliminate Holly.

Jesse immediate rolls Bradshaw up for the elimination (ignore Billy kicking Jesse and breaking up the pin at two while the referee keeps counting anyway), leaving us with Jesse and Bart vs. Billy and Sultan. A rollup gets rid of Sultan but the Fameasser (yet to be named) does the same to Jesse. We’re down to a battle of the Gunns and Bart gets tied up in the ropes for some trash talking. Billy calls him an SOB, meaning he isn’t likely to get a Christmas card from his own mother. Bart stands up for Mama Gunn and hits a running forearm for the pin.

Rating: C-. This is a good example of a match where you have to consider the purpose. They weren’t trying to settle any big score here or blow the roof off the place. This was about getting the fans warmed up before we got to the real show and the fast pace did that well enough. Billy vs. Bart wasn’t anything interesting but at least it was a little story to tie things together. Nothing good but it did its job well enough.

The opening video looks at the WWF taking over New York (including the Hall of Fame banquet at a hotel, which would be the last one for seven and a half years) before going into a look at the two major matches. You know you have a stacked card when you’re getting hyped over two matches that don’t even include Undertaker vs. Mankind or any of the show’s namesake matches.

Team Furnas and Lafon vs. Team Owen Hart/British Bulldog

Doug Furnas, Phillip Lafon, Henry Godwinn, Phineas Godwinn

Owen Hart, British Bulldog, Marty Jannetty, Leif Cassidy

This is Furnas and Lafon’s WWF debut as they were brought in to challenge Owen and Bulldog for the Tag Team Titles. Marty and Lafon (I can never remember which is Furnas and which is Lafon) start things off with a nice little acrobatics display, capped off by a hard shot to Marty’s jaw. Leif comes in instead as the announcers talk about slander. The slow pace continues and it’s off to Phineas for a headlock. JR: “You ever see Hilary Clinton do that?”

For some reason Leif thinks it’s a good idea to slap Phineas in the face and spit on him. Well to be fair, given all the sweat and liquid on his overalls, it’s not the worst idea in the world. Owen comes in to wake the crowd up and it’s time to pick Phineas apart. The heels start working Phineas over as JR wants a third referee out here.

Marty hits a good looking back elbow to the jaw as the announcers start talking about Bret, though at least they tie it in to Owen. Today that would go off on a tangent and turn into ripping on Byron Saxton. I mean, he deserves it but it’s still annoying. Marty goes up top so Phineas tries a superplex. JR: “Now how stupid was that?” Oh dang it I always forget how annoying heel JR is. Even heel Cole wasn’t this bad.

Henry comes in, kicks Marty in the gut, and Slop Drops him for the first elimination. Not that it means much as Owen rolls Henry up to tie the score five seconds later. Phineas cleans house (has a fit, whatever) but Bulldog makes a blind tag and powerslams him to go up 3-2. Furnas comes in to speed things WAY up (and turn up the quality as well), only to miss a dropkick, which JR calls one of the best in the business. Like I said, heel JR wasn’t the best.

Leif comes in to cover and the former powerlifter sends him flying on the kickout. The bad guys get smart with a blind tag and a springboard missile dropkick to wipe Furnas out in a great looking visual. JR goes into yet another rant about the referees not catching the heels cheating, which is a really weird complaint for a heel to have.

Cassidy misses a charge and Furnas brings in Lafon for a snappy looking reverse superplex to get us down to two on two. The lack of a reaction to Leif being eliminated really shouldn’t surprise anyone as he was just so out of place in this match. Owen comes in for a belly to belly and a middle rope elbow (both of those looked very smooth) for two. A low blow to Furnas has Vince freaking out but JR, the heel commentator here, lets it go right past him. Again: it was a bad character and you could sense he wasn’t a fan of the whole thing.

It’s back to Bulldog who is quickly sunset flipped for the elimination, which is a big deal as it means Furnas and Lafon can pin Owen and the Bulldog in a two on two match. Bulldog leaves Lafon with a parting gift of a chop block though and Owen follows it up with the Sharpshooter. Furnas is in for the save and hits that dropkick of his (basically a dropkick with a backflip), followed by a German suplex for the final pin.

Rating: B. This was more like it for the opener as they set up the next challengers for the Tag Team Titles, though the first part with the Godwinns really brings it down. It also doesn’t help that the crowd didn’t care for the most part, and can you really blame them? The good guys were people making their debuts and hog farmers. It’s good wrestling but not the brightest idea.

Paul Bearer insists he WILL NOT get into the cage and be hung above the ring. Mankind will crush Undertaker like the cockroaches he used to eat for dinner.

Undertaker vs. Mankind

Bearer is in an individual cage above the ring and if Undertaker wins, Bearer is his for five minutes. The entrance is an important one as Undertaker descends from the rafters and debuts the sleeveless leather attire that would become his signature look for the next several years. It marks the evolution of the original character to the newer, sleeker fighting machine that could hurt people at will.

It’s a brawl to start (duh) with Undertaker using a drop toehold (?!?!?) followed by a fireman’s carry into a cross armbreaker. Undertaker gets smart by working over Mankind’s hand, which JR thinks is illegal. Mankind takes it into the crowd and is quickly backdropped right back to ringside but pops up for a cannonball off the apron. There’s something to be said about someone launching their body at someone else.

Undertaker’s comeback is cut off by a Texas piledriver and the Mandible Claw goes on. Undertaker is smart enough to send Mankind straight outside for the save and both guys are spent from the physicality. A kick to the chest sends Mankind flying hard into the barricade for a sick sounding THUD. You just can’t fake that kind of brutality. Well you can but it’s easier to believe it’s real with Foley.

Old School is broken up so Undertaker opts to punch Mankind in the face multiple times. The chokeslam is countered with the Claw, only to be countered by a big chokeslam with the camera going wide for an awesome visual. Mankind is back up though (as always) and pulls out a spike to stab Undertaker a bit. Amazingly enough, Undertaker doesn’t care to be stabbed and Tombstones Mankind for the pin instead.

Rating: B. This was a BIG change of pace for Undertaker as he was moving faster and acting like a much more well rounded wrestler, which he would be for a long time. These two were solid together as always as they just beat the heck out of each other for long stretches of time and that’s always worth a watch. This is one of their lesser known matches but it’s certainly entertaining.

Post match the cage is lowered and Undertaker goes right for Bearer, only to have the Executioner run out for the save, allowing Bearer to escape. That would be Undertaker’s next match before he continued attempting to murder Bearer and Mankind.

Sunny comes out to replace Lawler on commentary. When you look at so many of the women who would come after her, Sunny really is remarkable. She looks great but she’s also dripping with charisma, which so few women (or men for that matter) have at this level.

Team Helmsley laughs off the idea of Team Marc Mero because they’re a man down due to Mark Henry being injured.

Team Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Team Marc Mero

Hunter Hearst Helmsley, Jerry Lawler, Goldust, Crush

Marc Mero, The Stalker, Rocky Maivia, Jake Roberts

There’s a lot to cover here. Helmsley is Intercontinental Champion, having stolen the title from Mero with the help of the now departed (to WCW) Mr. Perfect. The Stalker is Barry Windham who used to be a military themed guy but is now just Barry Windham with a big mustache. Roberts is Mark Henry’s replacement as Lawler and Roberts are feuding over Jake’s alcoholism.

Oh and it’s Rocky’s debut after weeks of videos talking about how amazing he is. The mind blowing part: they undersold what he would become. The commentary gets even more entertaining as Sunny goes nuts ripping on Sable, claiming to be all natural even down to her hair.

We hit the stall button to start with no contact for the first two minutes. After several tags, Goldust and Mero finally lock up as the announcers discuss Mr. Perfect without saying he’s gone. Marc’s armbars don’t go anywhere so it’s off to the Stalker as JR rips on Barry’s attire. Helmsley comes in and immediately runs from Mero, meaning we get Crush vs. Rocky for his in ring debut. Thankfully that lasts all of ten seconds before it’s off to Lawler for some great selling. Vince actually mentions the name Dwayne Johnson as Sunny suggests being able to take Rocky all the way to the top.

The heels start taking turns on Rocky until he backdrops Helmsley for a breather. Jake gets the hot tag to clean house despite looking a good bit out of shape and very pale. Lawler comes in and slowly hammers away while making alcohol jokes. The DDT scores out of nowhere and it’s 4-3 in a hurry. The mustache with the Windham attached suplexes Goldust for two but a shot from the apron sets up the Curtain Call to tie us up.

Both captains come in as the crowd stays mostly silent. Again though, is there any real reason to care? Crush isn’t interesting, Roberts looks awful and no one knows who Rocky is yet. Helmsley grabs an abdominal stretch and Goldust pulls on the arm, sending heel JR into his second frenzy in an hour.

The referee finally catches Helmsley cheating to break the hold and it’s a Merosault (moonsault pres) to get rid of Hunter. Crush comes in and gets dropkicked to the floor, only to avoid Mero’s slingshot dive. As we’re watching the replays, the announcers completely miss Crush giving Mero the heart punch (exactly what it sounds like) for the elimination. Jake gets the same thing and is eliminated ten seconds later.

So we’re down to Rocky, meaning we get a closeup of his ridiculous looking hair. To his credit, even Rock has said he looked ridiculous at this point. Rocky slugs both guys down and does that stupid arm flailing thing of his. A crossbody puts both guys down and Crush heart punches Goldust by mistake. Rocky hits a second crossbody to get rid of Crush and a shoulder breaker ends Goldust for the win. The pin gets a nice pop, though it might just be because the match is finally over.

Rating: D. They accomplished the goal of giving Rocky a good rub to start (hence why you have goons like Crush around to take a fall like this) but this was WAY too long. You could probably cut out five to ten minutes here and do just about the same thing. Windham was worthless (as he was for most of the time after 1990 or so) and there were way too many stretches of boring non-action dragging it down.

Now it’s time for the real main event as we recap Bret Hart vs. Steve Austin. I know Shawn vs. Sid is going on last but make no mistake about it: this was the most important and anticipated match of the night. Bret had been gone since losing the WWF World Title to Shawn at Wrestlemania XII and Austin has turned into a disrespectful rebel who doesn’t care about legacies or what anyone before him has done. You can see the fire in Austin’s eyes and Bret is the only one that can stop him. Or slow him down at least because there may be no stopping Austin anymore.

Austin says he’s ready and isn’t worried.

Bret says this is about respect, which he’ll receive from Austin no matter what.

Steve Austin vs. Bret Hart

The winner gets the title shot next month. Even Vince has to acknowledge the face pop Austin receives here in New York. Bret gets a great face reaction of his own but Austin really isn’t impressed with the pyro. JR thinks this might come down to a submission, which might be some great foreshadowing for Wrestlemania. He goes even further by saying Bret isn’t a clown or a trashman because he’s a wrestler. Uh, Doink and Droese were wrestlers to Jim. We’re still not ready to go as Vince possibly spoils the main event by saying the winner of this gets Sid.

Austin flips him off to start and we’re ready to go. Feeling out process to start as JR goes back to that submission idea. Vince: “How ironic would it be if Steve Austin put the Sharpshooter on Bret Hart and made him submit?” They trade wristlocks to start and you can see some extra fire in Bret for this match.

Bret takes him down and stays on the arm with a hammerlock until a hard elbow to the jaw puts him down. Austin keeps slugging away until Bret pulls him into another armbar. Bret: “ASK HIM!” Did Jericho get that from Bret? Steve comes right back with a hot shot and starts choking on the bottom rope.

We hit the chinlock and JR goes back to that submission idea again. That’s three times now and it’s really not adding anything new. Back up and it’s time for the slugout with Austin easily taking over as you would expect. Bret comes back with his usual offense but gets shoved chest first into the buckle, again as is his custom. Austin’s superplex is broken up though and Bret goes all the way to the top for the elbow.

They head outside with Austin driving the back into the post as the brawling continues to favor Austin while Bret wins the wrestling. Makes sense. Of course as soon as I say that, Bret throws him through (yes through) the barricade and Austin is suddenly reeling. Just because it’s required, they fight over the announcers’ table with Austin taking over (JR: “It seems that it always happens to the Spanish guys!”) and dropping an elbow onto Bret. The table actually doesn’t break though in a very rare sight.

Back in and we hit the abdominal stretch as Austin continues to know how to focus on a body part. The referee catches Austin holding the ropes (which doesn’t add leverage but helps block a hiptoss counter) so it’s time for a slugout, capped off by Bret hitting a Stun Gun for two. Austin is right back up with a top rope superplex but Bret does the lifting the legs spot (looked horrible here as they were both down for several seconds before going for it) for two.

The Stunner hits out of nowhere for two and JR makes a REALLY good save by saying Bret only kicked out because Austin rolled him away from the ropes. That protects the move, which is completely lost on today’s product. Austin grabs a Texas Cloverleaf, followed by a Bow and Arrow of all things. Unfortunately Austin makes the mistake of trying to mat wrestle with Bret and has to grab the ropes to avoid a Sharpshooter. Back up and Austin grabs the Million Dollar Dream but Bret walks the turnbuckle and flips back onto Austin for the surprise pin.

Rating: A+. Like this would get anything else. I know most people (including myself) say that the I Quit match made Austin a star but he’s not getting to that match without this one. Austin was always a great talent but this was the moment where you knew he was ready for the main event stage. Notice something important about the ending: Bret caught Austin for the pin rather than really decisively beating him. It shows that as great as Austin is, Bret was just that much better and used his experience to win.

Make no mistake about it though: this is a masterpiece and one of the best matches of all time. Unfortunately there was a rematch that is somehow even better and this is a bit forgotten as a result. I’ve heard people say they like this one better and I really can’t argue against that. It’s a must see match and an incredible lesson in giving someone the rub of their career.

JR: “I don’t think anyone, including Shawn Michaels or Sid, could have beaten Bret Hart in this ring on this night.” Vince: “I totally disagree with that.” No followup or anything and the tone was very heelish.

Sid says he’ll win.

Faarooq/Vader/Razor Ramon/Diesel vs. Flash Funk/Savio Vega/Yokozuna/???

Here’s another match with a bunch of notes. Faarooq debuts his traditional Nation look here, thankfully ditching the ridiculous blue gladiator gear. Flash Funk is also making his debut after years as the far better 2 Cold Scorpio. That would be fake Razor and Diesel (duh) with the former just looking horrible. Fake Diesel at least looks like the real thing if you look at him from the right angle. Again, the original idea here wasn’t bad: it’s the gimmicks that got them over instead of the people. Unfortunately that falls apart because Fake Razor looked horrible.

Jim Cornette (Vader’s manager) sits in on commentary and JR says he’s the same size as Yokozuna. Cornette sounds like he wants to cry when he sees Funk for the first time. JR: “I’ve never seen the yellow and red look so good here in the Garden.” The mystery partner is Jimmy Snuka, which gets a mild reaction from the MSG fans and a groan from the audience at home who already saw a legend return with Roberts earlier.

Vader slugs Funk down to start but is quickly sent outside for a moonsault to the floor. You can hear the ECW chants before they even start. Back in and Vader gets tired of this flying nonsense and powerbomb Funk in half. Yokozuna comes in for the embarrassing fat man offense as JR rips on the refereeing again. It’s off to Vega vs. Ramon as the crowd isn’t sure what to care about here.

JR and Cornette argue about whether JR could manage a Wendy’s. JR: “I could if you were in town.” Razor screws up the fall away slam and thankfully it’s off to Funk vs. Diesel so we can get something watchable. Vega comes back in and gets pummeled in the corner as this is already dragging horribly. Snuka get the tag to a pretty anemic pop and quickly runs into Diesel’s knee. In a big surprise, Snuka actually slams Vader. Not bad for a guy who hasn’t been around in forever.

Jimmy almost runs over for the tag back to Vega, who hits maybe 10% of a spinwheel kick on Diesel. Faarooq rams him into the post and the Jackknife ends Vega to hopefully start wrapping this up. The Superfly Splash ends Ramon less than a minute later and then the remaining six come in for the big brawl, resulting in a massive DQ and no winner.

Rating: F-. If there’s a worse Survivor Series match not involving four clowns, my therapy must be working because I’ve completely blocked it from my mind. This was HORRIBLE with eight people that the crowd wasn’t interested in seeing and a nothing ending that only made things worse. Absolutely terrible here as they couldn’t even have Vader survive to give him a bit of a rub?

We recap the main event which is basically Shawn fighting another monster but this time it’s someone he used to trust. Yeah this is hardly anything interesting and feels like a major letdown after Austin vs. Hart. Also, given how badly the ratings were doing around this time, there’s almost no way Shawn is keeping the title here.

WWF World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Sid

Shawn gets a John Cena style pop as a sign of the times. Sid is challenging of course and pounds Shawn down early on with JR getting right to the point: Sid isn’t technically sound but he can hit you really hard, which is all he needs to do. Shawn speeds things up with some left jabs and a headlock takeover.

The threat of a powerbomb sends Shawn bailing to the outside and we have a breather. Back in and Shawn gets smart by going after the knee, including a Figure Four (actually done on the proper leg). The hold is turned over and Sid sends him shoulder first into the post to take over. Shawn goes right back to the knee and the fans boo him out of the Garden. Thankfully they catch on to the idea and Sid blasts Shawn to the floor with a clothesline.

Back in and Sid gets in a few kicks to the face, followed by a big backbreaker for two. We hit a cobra clutch of all things (Sid would use that occasionally and it always looked weird for someone his size) before a chokeslam drops the champ. Shawn hits his flying forearm and is loudly booed, though the nipup draws a high pitched pop.

Sid grabs a camera and hits Shawn’s manager Jose Lothario in the chest, followed by Sweet Chin Music to the giant. With Jose grabbing his chest, Shawn goes to check on him instead of retaining the title. Sid tries to throw Shawn back in and the referee gets bumped, allowing Sid to hit him with the camera. The powerbomb gives Sid the title (somehow the first title he ever won) to a BIG face pop.

Rating: B+. I don’t like the ending with the camera thing but it’s still a really well put together match. This was pretty much Ric Flair vs. Sid and since Shawn knows how to wrestle a Flair match as well as anyone ever (including Flair), there was almost no way this wasn’t going to work. They let Shawn walk Sid through the match and that was all they ever needed to do.

Shawn checks on Jose as Sid poses to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. This is a hard one to grade as the Survivor Series matches were horrible but everything else ranges from very good to masterpiece. That’s more than enough to say this is a great show and worth checking out. If nothing else there are so many debuts and repackages here that it’s worth checking out for pure history. The MSG crowd helps provide so much energy and the show is just a lot of fun (save for the one horrible match, which only lasts about ten minutes). See this one at least once but watch Bret vs. Austin as many times as you can.

Ratings Comparison

Team Jesse James vs. Team Billy Gunn

Original: N/A

2012 Redo: N/A

2016 Redo: C-

Team Furnas and Lafon vs. Team Owen Hart/British Bulldog

Original: B-

2012 Redo: C+

2016 Redo: B

Undertaker vs. Mankind

Original: C+

2012 Redo: B

2016 Redo: B

Team Jerry Lawler vs. Team Jake Roberts

Original: D

2012 Redo: C+

2016 Redo: D

Steve Austin vs. Bret Hart

Original: A+

2012 Redo: A+

2016 Redo: A+

Team Vader vs. Team Yokozuna

Original: D-

2012 Redo: F

2016 Redo: F-

Shawn Michaels vs. Sycho Sid

Original: C-

2012 Redo: B

2016 Redo: B+

Overall Rating

Original: B-

2012 Redo: B+

2016 Redo: B

This was mostly the same as four years ago, save for me liking Rocky’s debut a lot more back then. That smile must have made me go weak in the knees.

Here’s the original review is you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/15/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-1996-bret-vs-austin-the-prequel-and-rock-debuts/

And the 2012 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2015/11/04/survivor-series-count-up-1996-thats-blue-chip-right-there/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Smackdown Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Summerslam 1996
Date: August 18, 1996
Location: Gund Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Attendance: 17,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, Mr. Perfect

Things have changed quite a bit since last year. For one thing, the NWO currently has its foot on the WWF’s neck but no one knew how bad it was going to get. Shawn was pretty much tanking as champion but he’s still defending tonight against Vader. The major match though is Undertaker vs. Mankind in a Boiler Room Brawl which has the potential to be awesome. Let’s get to it.

The pre-show match is kind of famous so I’ll throw it in as a bonus.

Steve Austin vs. Yokozuna

Austin is fresh off winning the King of the Ring and cutting the promo that made him famous. Yoko is so fat it’s terrifying at this point. Austin still has very slow music here which sounds like it belongs in a romantic drama. He goes right after the big man to start but a single right hand puts Steve down. A double middle finger earns Austin a Samoan drop and a legdrop. Yoko loads up the Banzai Drop and the freaking ring breaks with Yoko falling down to the mat, giving Austin an easy pin.

The opening video is about monsters like Vader and Mankind wearing masks but heroes standing up to them no matter what.

Owen Hart vs. Savio Vega

Owen has a broken arm/wrist coming in. Feeling out process to start with the referee warning Owen about using the cast. Savio does the smart thing by ramming the bad arm into the buckle to take over. We hit an armbar as we cut to Vader’s locker room to see Cornette firing him up. A monkey flip and a dropkick put Owen down and it’s back to the armbar. Owen kicks out of a rollup and sends Savio shoulder first into the post as momentum changes all of a sudden.

Off to a wristlock on Vega as the match is still waiting to get off the ground. Owen puts on a long armbar followed by a DDT on the arm for two. Vega bites his way out of the hold as the crowd is dead quiet for this. Owen charges into a boot and here’s Clarence Mason, a lawyer, to watch the match. An enziguri puts Vega down for two and a few rollups get the same for Savio.

Hart takes him down with a spinwheel kick but Savio comes back with right hands and clotheslines. Owen’s missile dropkick gets two as the crowd is into this all of a sudden. Hart is crotched on another top rope attempt but Savio lands on the cast in his belly to back superplex. Owen slips off the cast and lays out Savio (with the referee looking right at him), setting up the Sharpshooter for the win.

Rating: C. This took awhile to get going and could have shaved off five minutes or so. Savio was nothing special at all and Owen was in a transitional phase of his career as he was trying to become a singles guy but wasn’t ready to do it yet. The match wasn’t bad and picked way up but the ending was lame.

Post match Justin Hawk Bradshaw comes out to lay out Vega once again.

Todd Petingill is in the boiler room and finds Mankind licking a pipe and saying there’s no place like home.

Tag Titles: Smoking Gunns vs. New Rockers vs. Bodydonnas vs. Godwinns

The heel Gunns are defending and this is under elimination rules. The New Rockers are Marty Jannetty and Leif Cassidy (Al Snow) and the Bodydonnas are Skip (Chris Candido) and Zip (Tom Pritchard). Skip is in a neck brace here due to a potentially broken neck but he’s wrestling anyway. The Gunns have Sunny who looks GREAT as a cowgirl. Billy Gunn starts with Henry Godwinn with Hank throwing Billy around with ease.

A wheelbarrow slam sends Billy out to the floor and it’s off to Phineas vs. Zip. After a comedic feeling out process it’s off to both Gunns at the same time. Zip and Phineas strut across the ring for no apparent reason as the Gunns freak out about having to fight each other. The referee says either make contact or be disqualified. After no contact, Bart tags in Zip so the crowd can have something else to be bored by. Jannetty trips Zip and Billy gets an easy pin so the Bodydonnas don’t have to be out there long.

Henry comes back in to crank on Billy’s arm but Billy quickly tags out to Jannetty. Marty slowly pounds on Henry and plays to the comatose crowd. Leif gets the tag but quickly brings in Billy to work over Henry. The Rockers have a miscue with the Gunns and Henry gets two off a side slam on Billy. Marty’s save results in an elbow drop on Billy as everything breaks down. Henry kicks Marty into Leif and hits the Slop Drop (reverse DDT) on Cassidy for the elimination.

We’re down to the Godwinns vs. the champions and it’s Bart in for the first time. Henry explodes out of the corner with a clothesline to put both guys down. Bart breaks up a tag attempt as this match is dragging terribly. Billy comes in and the place is so silent you can hear the insults between the wrestlers.

Back to Bart to pound away on Henry for a few moments before bringing Billy back in. Henry catches a charging Billy in a World’s strongest Slam and there’s the lukewarm tag to Phineas. He cleans house and everything breaks down with Phineas hitting the Slop Drop on Billy, only to have Bart blast Phineas from the top for the pin to retain.

Rating: D-. This was so boring I could barely keep my eyes open. The tag title scene was so barren at this point that there were practically zero interesting acts at all. That would be the case for over a year when the New Age Outlaws FINALLY brought the division back to life for a few years. Terribly boring match.

Post match Sunny insults the women in the audience and unveils a huge poster of herself to make the arena prettier.

Video on the Summerslam festivities in the city this weekend.

Sycho Sid vs. British Bulldog

Sid is just back after being out for about six months with an injury. He’s part of Shawn’s war with Camp Cornette, making this a lower level battle in the feud. The fans are WAY into Sid here which makes his title reigns a lot more understandable. Neither guy goes anywhere on some collisions until Sid slams him down to the floor. A LOUD Let’s Go Sid chant starts up, giving us more interest than the entire tag title match had combined.

Bulldog tries to power out of a headlock as the announcers talk about Mason being out here instead of Cornette again. A powerslam gets two for Sid but Bulldog comes back with the delayed vertical suplex. That’s some impressive power, especially on a guy that tall. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Bulldog clotheslines Sid to the floor. Bulldog clotheslines him down again and flips forward to entertain us while Sid is down. Back to the chinlock before Bulldog hits the powerslam clean, but here’s Cornette to argue with Mason. Another powersam is countered into the chokeslam and an AWESOME powerbomb is good for the pin.

Rating: D+. The match was better than you would think with both guys’ power stuff looking good. That powerbomb was great as Bulldog just stopped once he hit the mat and the selling was even better. Sid is just scary over at this point, which made his heel turn all the better. To be fair though, the fans just wouldn’t boo the guy even when he was a heel. Take that for what you will.

The managers keep arguing post match.

Video on Shawn.

Goldust vs. Marc Mero

Marlena and Sable are the seconds here and Goldust has a thing for the latter. Goldust takes him into the corner and rubs his own chest before slapping Mero in the face. Some armdrags take Goldie down and he hides in the corner. They run the ropes a bit with Mero getting two off a cross body and hooking an armbar. The crowd is dead again so the announcers talk about Ahmed Johnson’s kidney injury.

Back up and Goldust backdrops Mero out to the floor before dropping him throat first across the barricade. Goldust hooks a chinlock and here’s Mankind who has been calling Sable mommy lately. Some referees chase him off a few seconds later, making this your pointless cameo of the show. A knee to the ribs puts Mero down for two but he comes off the middle rope with a back elbow to the jaw.

A clothesline and a backdrop put Goldust down again and a million dollar kneelift does the same. Goldust counters punches in the corner and they both tumble to the floor but Mero slides back in and hits a running flip dive. A slingshot legdrop gets two followed by the debut of the Shooting Star Press, called the Wild Thing. Since this is 1996 WWF, it only gets two. A few seconds later Goldust hits the Curtain Call (reverse forward suplex) for the pin.

Rating: D. Another dull match here other than the Shooting Star. Goldust was all thought and character but little in the area of substance in the ring. The crowd was dead again here other than for the Wild Thing which was by far the most exciting thing in the match. There wasn’t much to see here but as was the case back then, a lot of matches on PPV were filler.

Goldust stalks Sable post match until Mero makes the save.

We recap Jake Roberts vs. Jerry Lawler. Jake claimed to have sobered up and was speaking at churches about how Jesus helped him overcome his demons. Lawler claimed that Roberts was a fraud (which was the case in real life as he was still hooked on crack) and tonight is the showdown.

Jerry Lawler vs. Jake Roberts

Before the match we have the debut of a new Olympian who will be getting in the ring soon: Mark Henry. Lawler brings his own bag with him along with something in his pocket. He’s also wearing a Baltimore Ravens jersey (the beloved Cleveland Browns had recently moved to Baltimore and become the Ravens) because Lawler knows how to rile up a crowd like few others ever could. Henry thinks it’s hilarious despite being a face.

Lawler pulls out two bottles of Jim Beam to be Roberts’ partners tonight and says Roberts’ wife only looks good after a six pack. Henry is so stupid that if he won a gold medal he’d have it bronzed. Once Roberts uses his bar stool as a walker to get out here, Lawler is going to knock him sideways so everyone can recognize him. It’s very impressive how easily Lawler can have a crowd eating out of the palm of his hand like this.

Roberts finally comes out so Lawler pulls a huge bottle of booze from the bag. Jake pulls the snake out of his own bag to scare Lawler to the floor and the bell finally rings. Lawler looks for a microphone but Jake sends him face first into the steps and hammers away back inside. Back to the floor with Lawler being sent into various hard objects until he steals a drink from a fan to blind Jake. Henry: “So what is the fan going to drink?” Lawler gets one of the bottles from ringside but has to block a DDT attempt. Another DDT is countered and Jerry hits him in the throat with the bottle for the pin.

Rating: D. This was much more of an angle than a match with Lawler giving a great lesson in how to fire up a crowd. Roberts wouldn’t be around much longer before heading to ECW and the indies. This would lead to Henry’s first mini feud against Lawler which started got his career going in slow motion.

Post match Lawler says Roberts is holding his throat because he wants a drink. Lawler opens the big bottle to pour it down Jake’s throat but Mark Henry makes a delayed save.

Bob Backlund campaigns for President.

Paul Bearer comes to the ring. The next match will be won by retrieving the Urn from his hands.

Undertaker vs. Mankind

This is the Boiler Room Brawl, meaning the fight starts in the boiler room and you win by fighting to the ring and getting the Urn from Bearer. Taker goes into the room where Mankind is hiding somewhere. This is bordering on creepy as Taker is looking through the shadows to find Mankind but only finds machines. Mankind sneaks up on him with a pipe to the back as the fight begins. Keep in mind that the people in the arena are seeing this on TV screens as there’s no Titantron yet.

Undertaker comes back with a trashcan lid to the head and they brawl around the room with Mankind in control. The announcers have stopped talking as Mankind stuns Taker across a wooden stand. A stiff right hand puts Taker down and Mankind chokes away. The camera cuts out for a few moments so something can be edited and we come back with a trashcan shot putting Taker down.

Taker finds a pipe to knock the can into Mankind’s face but Mankind turns a valve to shoot steam into Taker’s face. A clothesline sends the can into Mankind’s face and the slow brawling continues. Taker hits him in the face with a wooden pallet but Mankind hits Taker low with a pipe of some kind. Mankind sends him into a wall and hits the running knee to drive Taker’s head into the wall again. An elbow off a ladder keeps Taker down and Mankind drags him along the floor.

The camera goes out again and the audience boos. Back with Undertaker laid out on the floor and Mankind setting up a ladder next to him. Mankind climbs up and in the best remembered spot of the match, Undertaker sits up and pulls him down onto a pile of pipes. Back up and Mankind goes for the door but Undertaker grabs him by the ankle. A fire extinguisher blast to the face puts Mankind down and it’s Undertaker out the door first. Mankind rams him into the door and gets out, only to fall in the aisle.

With Taker still inside Mankind barricade the door but Taker kicks it in anyway. They fight up the aisle with jobbers watching from the doors. Taker shoves him across the coffee area, allowing Mankind to get ahead a bit. He throws hot coffee onto Undertaker and crawls into the arena to give the fans something to see in person. Taker catches up with him and pounds away but Mankind keeps him out of the ring.

A Texas piledriver onto the concrete knocks Undertaker out cold but he sits up just in time to pull Mankind off the apron, slamming the back of his head into the concrete. Undertaker gets inside and gets on one knee in front of Paul but Bearer won’t give him the Urn. Mankind gets in and knocks Taker out with the Claw before Bearer does the unthinkable by turning on Undertaker and giving Mankind the Urn.

Rating: B. This is a hard one to grade as it was VERY long (nearly half an hour) and was unlike any other match up to this point. This match would have killed in the Attitude Era but here it’s just quite good. Bearer turning was shocking as he had managed Undertaker for nearly six years and I don’t think anyone believed he would ever turn on Undertaker.

Druids come out to carry Undertaker to the back. He’d be back the next night like nothing happened.

Camp Cornette is ready for Shawn Michaels. Cornette: “When Vader grabs you by the neck Shawn Michaels, you’re going to sound like Peter Frampton’s electric kazoo.” WHERE DOES HE COME UP WITH THIS STUFF???

WWF World Title: Vader vs. Shawn Michaels

Vader is challenging after pinning Shawn in a six man tag at In Your House #9. He pounds Shawn in the face to start before taking his head off with a clothesline. Shawn catches a big boot and leg sweeps Vader down before hitting a low dropkick to stun Vader. Michaels fires off rights and lefts from his knees and Vader bails to the floor. A HUGE dive takes him down again as the fans are finally waking up a bit.

Back in and a standing hurricanrana takes Vader down and a victory roll sends him back out to the floor. Shawn’s plancha into a hurricanrana is caught in a powerbomb and momentum changes in a hurry. Vader puts him on his shoulder and carries Shawn up the steps with one arm in a very impressive power display. A big suplex puts Shawn down again and Mr. Perfect gloats a lot. Shawn is sent into a Flair Flip in the corner and another whip sends him out to the floor.

Vader pounds away back inside but Shawn comes back with rights and lefts of his own. He can’t drop Vader though and a hard clothesline takes Shawn down again. Shawn tries to skin the cat but Vader pulls him back in and hits a kind of reverse jackknife for two. Off to a modified bearhug on the champion for a few moments until Shawn fights back with a running knee to the chest. Vader blocks a sunset flip but his jumping seated senton hits knees.

A hard clothesline puts Vader down and we get a semi-famous spot as Shawn goes up but aborts the elbow in mid flight, instead hitting a flying stomp. He throws a fit and yells at Vader before a cross body puts both guys on the floor. Vader drops Shawn throat first across the barricade…..for a countout win? Seriously? Female fan: “NO! NO! NO!” Cornette agrees because he wants to win the title by pin instead of countout.

Shawn agrees to get back in but Vader punches him down on the floor. Cornette pops Shawn in the back with the tennis racket and a belly to belly gets two for Vader. Michaels punches his way out of the powerbomb and hits the forearm/nip-up combo. He tunes up the band but Cornette throws in the racket, only to have Shawn intercept it and blast Vader for the DQ.

The third part of the match begins (Cornette, WE DON’T WANT IT THAT WAY, ring the bell again) with Shawn avoiding another seated senton and now the top rope elbow connects. Sweet Chin Music only gets two and the referee is knocked to the floor. Vader hits the powerbomb and a second referee comes in to count two. Cornette is stunned as Vader goes up, only to miss the moonsault. Shawn goes up top and hits a moonsault press to retain the title.

Rating: B+. I’ve only seen this match once or twice and it really holds up. Shawn was in his element here against a monster and he capitalized on Vader’s greed for the title to finally beat him. The problem was the people didn’t care about Shawn until he got in the ring which made him a hard sell for the fans. Still though, excellent match here.

Overall Rating: C. Well the last two matches are both good to great, but it takes awhile to get there. Thankfully for the show those matches take up over an hour of the card and help things out a lot. Unfortunately the NWO was running roughshod on the wrestling world at this point so the good matches here didn’t mean much at all. This wasn’t one of the stronger entries in the series though.

Ratings Comparison

Owen Hart vs. Savio Vega

Original: B+

Redo: C

Smoking Gunns vs. Bodydonnas vs. New Rockers vs. Godwinns

Original: B-

Redo: D-

British Bulldog vs. Sycho Sid

Original: D

Redo: D+

Marc Mero vs. Goldust

Original: C+

Redo: D

Jerry Lawler vs. Jake Roberts

Original: C-

Redo: D

Mankind vs. Undertaker

Original: A-

Redo: B

Vader vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: A-

Redo: B+

Overall Rating

Original: A

Redo: C

Did I owe this show money a few years ago? My jaw is hanging open as I read these ratings again.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/07/30/history-of-summerslam-count-up-1996-mick-foley-has-arrived/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/07/23/new-book-kbs-complete-2003-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: April 29, 1996
Location: Civic Auditorium, Sioux City, Iowa
Attendance: 4,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler

We’re passed In Your House and thankfully on a new taping cycle. Unthankfully though we’re now lacking Diesel and Razor Ramon, who will soon be off to the greener (as in dollars) pastures of WCW. That means WWF Champion Shawn Michaels needs a new challenger and I’m not sure how well that’s going to work. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a clip from after last night’s show with British Bulldog accusing Shawn of trying to sleep with his wife. Bulldog went to the ring but was held back by security. So that’s your title feud.

Bart Gunn vs. Mankind

Bart elbows his way out of the corner to start but can’t get anywhere. Instead Mankind rips at his face and pulls out some hair for fun. His own hair of course, because pulling Bart’s out would be uncivilized. Bart goes after the arm and Mankind is bleeding from the cheek. The threat of the Mandible Claw sends Bart bailing to the floor as this is already going longer than it really needs to.

A camera angle shows a VERY large area of empty seats as Mankind misses an elbow back inside. To be fair, the regular angle is showing a nearly empty row of seats so it’s not that much better anyway. Mankind shrugs off a wristlock and stomps away as there is blood on the back of Bart’s jeans. Back from a break with Bart being sent to the floor, right in front of someone who looks like a cross between George Lucas and Santa Claus.

The only thing Vince can talk about here is Billy Gunn returning from his injury in a little over a week. Uh, yeah. Mankind beats on him in the corner and drops the leg on the apron as Lawler notices Mankind’s lack of ear. Bart comes back with some left hands and a missile dropkick as this just keeps going. A top rope elbow gets two and Bart punches on the mat, only to get pulled into the Mandible Claw to give Mankind the win.

Rating: D. What is there to say here? Bart Gunn should never get ten minutes on a television show of any kind and this was hardly entertaining. Mankind should be beating people up in less than half of that time and Bart is far from a big enough star to warrant this much time. Terribly uninteresting match and a really bad choice for an opener.

Post match JR asks Bart what that was like and was he really paralyzed by the hold. Bart says it was like nothing he’s ever felt but Mankind jumps him to put the hold on again.

Scott Taylor vs. Steve Austin

Well this would be very different just a few years from now. Savio Vega is on commentary and has a strap with him. As Austin comes to the ring, Vega issues a challenge for a Caribbean strap match at In Your House. Austin stomps away in the corner as Vega explains the idea of the match. We get a giant swing of all things to keep Taylor in trouble as Lawler makes the most standard Puerto Rico joke you can imagine. Austin chokes on the ropes and drops an elbow before putting on what was supposed to be an STF but was just a chinlock while their legs were touching. The Million Dollar Dream ends a bad squash.

Post match DiBiase and Austin turn down the challenge so Vega whips Austin with the strap.

Here are Bulldog and his wife Diana with Jim Cornette to address the Shawn issue. Shawn and Jose Lothario come out to do this in person as Jose continues to feel very unnecessary and out of place here. Before Bulldog can even say anything, Shawn talks about adapting to Bret Hart’s style to win the title and then he did it again with Diesel to keep the title. So yeah, Shawn thinks he’s great though to be fair, the Diesel match was excellent.

Cornette is tired of hearing about how great Shawn is and goes straight to Shawn trying to sleep with Diana. We see a clip from last night of Diana getting a message during the show, telling her that Cornette needed her in the back. It turns out that Shawn sent it with an indecent proposal. Cornette goes into a rant as only he can, asking how Shawn could dare to do something like this to a virtuous woman like Diana. He wants Shawn to look into the eyes of the woman he tried to deflower because Shawn is a FORNICATOR.

Diana knows Shawn wants him (that gets a groan from the crowd) but Shawn says with all due respect, don’t flatter yourself. That earns Shawn a slap so he says he knows who wears the pants in this family. The brawl is on and we take a quick break. Cornette’s ranting was great and it was a good angle, but Bulldog wasn’t the kind of top level challenger that you needed around this time.

New Rockers vs. Godwinns

For a future Tag Team Title shot. With nothing happening early on, we go to Sunny who doesn’t care who gets the shot at the titles. Marty drives Phineas into the corner to start and a grand total of nothing happens. A drop toehold takes Phineas to the mat and it’s off to a front facelock as the announcers talk about the Shawn situation. There’s a right hand to knock Henry off the apron as the Rockers are wrestling like faces here. Phineas gets all riled up and clears the Rockers out so they can stay in the aisle for a long time.

Back in the ring, Henry sends Phineas into the corner, presumably out of boredom. Cue Sunny to show off the belts as we take a break. Back with Phineas looking at Sunny, who happens to be the only person getting any attention from the crowd either. With Henry in trouble, Cassady knocks a distracted Phineas off the apron without much trouble. Marty dives into a boot and it’s off to Phineas to clean some house. Everything breaks down and Phineas and Marty fight to the floor. That means a Sunny distraction is enough to cause a double countout.

Rating: D. My goodness I forgot how horrible the tag division was at this point. The New Rockers were just lame (as Al Snow put it, if you want to ruin a team from the start, just put NEW in front of their name) and the Godwinns felt like they should have been around in the 1980s instead of just three months before the NWO. That’s a big part of why things didn’t work and Sunny isn’t enough to save the division.

JR goes into the boiler room to find Mankind. After a look back at the attack on Bart Gunn, Mankind offers to demonstrate the hold on JR. Mankind talks about learning every pressure point in the human body through various experiments as a child. The most sensitive of all of these are under the tongue, making it the most vulnerable point on the body. Mankind isn’t afraid of Undertaker and promises to destroy Undertaker if he doesn’t show guts.

Isaac Yankem vs. Ultimate Warrior

This is Warrior’s first ever Raw match. Lawler, with his headset still on, is managing Isaac at the same time. We hit the stall button to start as Vince talks about Warrior University (don’t ask). Warrior starts fast by sending Yankem into the corner for some running clotheslines before we take an early break. Back with Warrior hitting more running clotheslines and dropping the splash for the pin. Not enough shown to rate but it was a total squash.

Lawler wants to go fight Warrior but doesn’t have enough slack in his headset cable. Instead he and Vince preview next week to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Cornette’s ranting during that segment helps this a lot but egads you could feel the lack of Razor and Diesel showing already. It was too early for Vader to be going after Shawn so Bullet was about as good as they could have gotten. The rest of the show is the usually miserable 1996 fare and shows you why you don’t hear much about this era. Oh and Mankind’s talking was great, but that kind of goes without saying.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the NXT The Full Sail Years Volume III (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/05/25/new-book-nxt-the-full-sail-years-from-dallas-to-new-orleans/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: April 22, 1996
Location: Orange Pavilion, San Bernardino, California
Attendance: 3,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for In Your House and the big deal this week is a match that will have nothing to do with the pay per view. The Intercontinental Title is vacant and instead of having it decided on Sunday, we’re getting the second half of a taped angle that will likely put us right back where we started for Sunday’s title match. I’m not sure why anyone would do that but let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Intercontinental Title: Goldust vs. Savio Vega

The title is vacant coming in after Vega hit Goldust with the belt to win the title last week. They slug it out to start with a lot more energy than the first match had to begin. A clothesline and powerslam give Vega two so Goldust bails, earning himself a superkick in the aisle. Back in and Goldust is fine enough to miss a splash in the corner but a low blow cuts Vega off. Lawler starts talking about various news stories because that’s still a thing we do on Raw.

Goldust starts in on the leg by wrapping it around the rope but an enziguri drops Goldust to send us to a break. Back with Goldust staying on the leg and Lawler still reading news. It’s off to a reverse chinlock as things slow way down in a hurry. With the hold boring the life out of the crowd, here’s a promo from Ultimate Warrior, who promises to make Goldust a squealing pig on Sunday. Great: Warrior Does Deliverance. Back to the full screen, Goldust’s cannonball onto the back hits a raised knee but he’s fine enough to drop a leg for two. The announcers talk about the NFL Draft as Goldust gets pulled into the post.

Cue Ted DiBiase and Steve Austin as Vega’s splash hits knees to send us to a break. We come back again with Vega slipping out of the Curtain Call and kicking Goldust in the face. At least he limped a bit between the landing and the kick. Marlena gets on the apron for no apparent reason, meaning there’s no count for Vega’s rollup, which only started after Marlena was on the apron. Austin blasts Vega with the Million Dollar Title and Goldust gets the title back.

Rating: C. This got things back to normal, though I’m not sure what the point was in having the title vacated and giving Goldust another reign as a result. Austin interfering is a good idea and keeps his feud with Vega going, but none of this matters as Goldust injured his knee in between the time this was taped and Sunday. Therefore, Sunday’s match would wind up being as big of a disaster as you could possibly imagine.

Vader vs. Fatu

Somehow Fatu is in the Hall of Fame and Vader isn’t because things aren’t fair in wrestling. We’re joined in progress with Vader forearming him down but missing a seated splash. A running Stunner (a weird move for a big guy) puts Vader down and Fatu’s top rope splash gets no cover as Vader pops up. Fatu gets run over and the debuting Vadersault (with Vince underselling the heck out of it) is good for the pin in a hurry.

We see a clip of Jake Roberts DDTing Owen Hart in German but British Bulldog ran in for the DQ. Jake fought back and gave him a DDT as well, plus put the snake on him for a bonus.

Godwinns vs. Yoshihiro Tajiri/Tim Patterson

Yes that Tajiri. Lawler is off commentary to do something in the back so Vince gets to enjoy some hillbillies on his own. The Bodydonnas and Sunny pop in to brag about being champions, which the Godwinns will never be again. Lawler is back, having seen a surprise that Sunny has planned. Tajiri kicks Phineas down to start and hits the standing moonsault for two. Patterson comes in and gets bearhugged by Patterson as Sunny comes out with the titles. That earns her a chase from Hillbilly Jim’s hunting dog because hillbillies like to hunt. Back in the ring, Patterson gets beaten down and the Slop Drop is good for the pin.

Rating: D. I liked the Godwinns when I was a kid but sweet goodness they don’t hold up well. They’re not funny, it’s one joke, and they’re fighting against two exercise enthusiasts who are somehow the more interesting team of the two. The Sunny thing was just kind of there and added nothing, but at least the visuals were a bit better.

Post match the Bodydonnas jump the Godwinns and shove slop in Phineas’ face.

Mankind vs. Aldo Montoya

Mankind stands in the corner so Aldo dropkicks him, only to be headbutted away. The speeding up right hands in the corner keep Aldo in trouble and Mankind pulls some hair out for fun. You can tell the fans have no idea what to make of Mankind, which is the same reaction that Undertaker received when he debuted. The running knee in the corner rocks Aldo and we take a break. Back with Aldo getting in some right hands but diving into a shot to the face. The Tree of Woe elbow sets up the piledriver and the Mandible Claw completes the squash.

Rating: D+. Just a quick win, even with the rather unnecessary commercial in the middle. Mankind was just a different kind of weird and is one of the creepiest characters ever. You could tell there was something very special about him and that’s the kind of opponent Undertaker needed. Beating up the same giants over and over is only going to last so long (just ask Hulk Hogan) so going with something like this was a necessary as well as very effective move.

Video on Shawn Michaels vs. Diesel. We go over their whole history, which is actually quite the well put together story. It’s why you hear “they can be like Shawn and Diesel” so often today.

Diesel, sounding a bit drunk, joins us from German to say he’s going to hurt Shawn.

Some random people playing guitars take us out.

Overall Rating: D. That’s supposed to make me want to see a pay per view? The closing video was rather good but that’s three minutes on a forty minute show, which really isn’t a strong average. That being said, Sunday is the textbook example of a one match show so focusing the important efforts on that is about as good of an idea as you can have. So much for the hot streak from earlier in the month.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the NXT The Full Sail Years Volume III (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/05/25/new-book-nxt-the-full-sail-years-from-dallas-to-new-orleans/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: April 15, 1996
Location: Orange Pavilion, San Bernardino, California
Attendance: 3,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler

I can’t believe it but this show is on a roll. They’re doing good stuff both on the wrestling and storytelling sides of things and it has me wanting to see where some stuff goes. Having the show still at an hour means things are able to get some focus, which can be lacking if it’s not done right. Hopefully the hot streak continues so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Tonight, Bret Hart breaks his silence about Wrestlemania, all of two weeks later!

Opening sequence.

Leif Cassidy vs. Marc Mero

Sable is here with Mero in her official debut as his manager while Cassidy has Marty Jannetty with him. They fight over wrist control to start with Mero going to the armdrags. A dropkick puts Cassidy on the floor and Mero gets to make his big screaming face which looks like Muhammad Ali when he made a similar face during his old WWF appearances. Mero rams Cassidy into Marty but gets posted for his efforts. Back in and Cassidy runs him over and grabs a chinlock as we take a break.

We come back with Mero being sent outside so Marty can get in some right hands of his own. It’s almost weird to see Marty in the company this late. Cassidy does some dancing as Vince talks about how classy Sable is. Back in and a very fast headscissors with Mero walking around on his hands sends Cassidy to the floor for a big flip dive. Back in and the top rope sunset flip ends Cassidy without much trouble.

Rating: C. Both guys were perfectly fine hands in the ring but Mero isn’t the most thrilling guy in the world. For a TV match this was fine and it makes perfect sense to put Mero over in a match against a low level name, but it’s all about setting him up for the big match with HHH down the line. Not that that’s the most thrilling thing in the world in the first place though.

Diesel calls in to blame Shawn Michaels for all of their troubles. Their match is going to be No Holds Barred and Diesel has a master plan. I think it involves pinning Shawn.

Bart Gunn vs. Steve Austin

They hit the mat to start, which is always so strange to see from Austin. He really was a different worker before his neck injury. Bart headlocks him to the mat and Ted DiBiase doesn’t seem thrilled. Back up and Bart takes a very fast fall to the floor, barely clearing the top rope and sailing outside. We hit the stomping against the barricade before a hard clothesline gives Austin two.

The chinlock goes on as it’s still weird to see Austin wrestling such a standard style. The aggression is there but this feels so strange for Austin. Back up and they both fall out to the floor and it’s off to a break. We come back with Austin kneeing him down for two and the chinlock goes on again. Back up and we get the BAAAAACK body drop on Austin, followed by the running bulldog for two. DiBiase offers a distraction but Austin gets rolled up for two anyway. A jawbreaker gets Austin out of a sleeper and the Million Dollar Dream is good for the win.

Rating: D+. Pretty easily the best Bart Gunn match I’ve ever seen and that covers…oh…I’m thinking nothing of note for the most part. Austin was such a different worker at this point and while he’s still better than most people in the company, he still needs to change things up to really make it work.

Here are Jim Cornette and Vader with the former bragging about Vader destroying Gorilla Monsoon, which was really a lot more awesome than I remember. Now Vader has injured former WWF Champion Yokozuna (the crack on the leg sounded great) and Razor Ramon is up next at In Your House.

Sunny music video, for the sole purpose of having her in swimsuits.

Intercontinental Title: Goldust vs. Savio Vega

Goldust is defending and drops to all fours at the bell. The tongue is stuck out but Vega doesn’t seem too disturbed. Things get a little heated and Goldust bails into the corner like a proper freaky villain should. They go into the corner together, this time with Goldust rubbing his hips against Vega’s crotch. Goldust hides in the aisle so Vince asks if he wears boxers or briefs. Why do I have a feeling he really wants to know that answer?

Back in and a side slam finally gives us some offense, followed by a bunch of right hands to Goldust’s head. We come back from a break with Vega hitting a running corner clothesline but Goldust drops him throat first across the rope. That means more crawling around and chest rubbing before we go to a more traditional reverse chinlock. Hang on though as Goldust grabs a mic and threatens to kiss every fan if they don’t shut up. It was a very different time.

Vega gets up with a crossbody for two but Goldust punches him down. Some slaps and more gyrating are followed by a clothesline but Vega kicks him down on the top. Goldust headbutts his way out of a superplex and kisses Vega to the mat, only to dive into a raised boot. Vega makes the fired up comeback and hits some running clotheslines for two as we take another break. Back with the ref getting bumped so Marlena throws Goldust the title. The belt shot misses though and Vega clocks him for the pin and the title.

Rating: C-. This took a long time to get going but worked well enough once they started trying. Vega was always good for an energetic effort and I liked him as a midcard guy. Goldust was all mental at this point and while he was good, the mind games were getting a little repetitive. That and trying to get past the horrible Hollywood Backlot Brawl at Wrestlemania was a tall hill to climb.

Hang on though as another referee comes out to raise Goldust’s hand. President Gorilla Monsoon comes out to say that the title is being held up and there’s a rematch next week. That’s quite the fast paced story with the Goldust vs. Warrior match set up for less than two weeks from now. Vince saying that Monsoon’s actions are wise in the vein of King Solomon is a little over the top too but that’s Vince for you.

We get some behind the scenes post match footage from after the Iron Man match with Bret being distraught. By that I mean Bret not being willing to talk and leaving without even getting changed.

Earlier this week, Bret was in Germany and said there were a lot of things wrong with the match. He doesn’t like the rule change with the time being added because Shawn made a mistake and was beaten but they paused so Shawn could have a breather. Bret won’t be going to another wrestling organization, nearly flat out saying he’s not going to WCW, which was probably done to calm down rumors at the time.

Overall Rating: C-. It’s ok and that’s as high as I can go with the whole thing as the hot streak hits a very firm wall. The lack of star power really hurts this one as it’s mainly focused on the Intercontinental Title match, which was only just ok. It also did nothing for the pay per view, which isn’t the best idea in the world with only one more show to go. Oh and that’s going to be about the Intercontinental Title as well. No wonder Nitro was picking up steam at this point.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the NXT The Full Sail Years Volume III (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/05/25/new-book-nxt-the-full-sail-years-from-dallas-to-new-orleans/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: April 8, 1996
Location: Orange Pavilion, San Bernardino, California
Attendance: 3,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Mr. Perfect

In something you don’t say too often in 1996, things are in a good place after last week with the debut of Mankind as the Undertaker’s newest top foe. It’s going to be something special but that gets to come later. For now we have new WWF World Champion Shawn Michaels in his first match as champion against Jerry Lawler, who is as good of a choice as anyone else. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Yokozuna vs. Vader

Yokozuna is listed at 650lbs, putting him at 200lbs heavier than Vader. Let me repeat that: 200lb heavier than VADER. They trade some very hard sounding right hands to the head until an impressive Samoan drop plants Vader. That just earns Yokozuna a hard clothesline as Vince hypes up the fact that the show is now airing at 8:57 to counter Nitro.

Jim Cornette gets in a tennis racket shot from the floor because he knows how to be a good heel manager. The Rock Bottom gets Yokozuna out of trouble for a bit as Mr. Fuji waves the American flag at ringside. Yokozuna pounds Vader down in the corner but misses a charge, allowing Vader to Vader Bomb the leg (CRUNCH) for a referee stoppage.

Rating: D. This was all about making Vader look like a monster and that’s exactly what they should have done. Yokozuna was just way too big to mean anything at this point and it was the right call to write him off TV for awhile. You might as well pencil Vader in for the Summerslam title match from here as it’s the absolute right call, even this far away from the show.

Post match Vader crushes the leg again and the swearing Yokozuna rolls outside in pain. There’s no way to get Yokozuna up so here’s a forklift to get rid of him. I remember watching this as a kid and thinking it was amazing. Now, it’s just a bit of a funny visual.

Vince brings out the Ullllllllltimate Warrior for his Raw debut. The first question: where have you been for the last three years? Warrior says they were places you won’t find on a map because he’s been deep inside his own mind. The voices never stopped and all of the fans spoke to him over the years. Vince asks about facing the stars of the New Generation and here’s Goldust to interrupt. Their match (non-title it seems) is announced for In Your House so Goldust breathes at him.

Warrior does that hard to describe noise of his and Goldust quotes movie lines. He can come in Goldust’s house but no one will be there. Maybe they can play a superhero game with Warrior as Superman….which makes him growl. Various sexual references are made and that’s too far for Warrior, who calls Goldust a freak. This could go very badly in a hurry. Warrior doesn’t give a “s***” whatever Goldust is into and freaks out when Goldust tries to touch his chest. A clothesline puts Goldust down and I guess this keeps Warrior as a good guy. Today, he would be the subject of a Twitter campaign to get him fired.

Yokozuna is still on the forklift so here’s Vader to beat on the leg with a chair. Now that’s a villain.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Duke Droese

Droese starts fast and cleans house with a clothesline to the floor. Back in and Duke slaps away in the corner as we see Sable slapping Helmsley last week. A gorilla press attempt goes badly and Droese is sent outside as the announcers talk about the Preview Channel getting great ratings from the Wrestlemania pre-show.

Marc Mero comes in for an inset interview, promising a surprise next week, thereby negating the idea of A SURPRISE. Some kicks to the ribs have Droese in trouble and we take a break. Back with Helmsley being catapulted into the corner and hitting a powerslam for no cover. The Trash Compactor is countered into the Pedigree for the fast pin.

Rating: C. Not bad at all here as Droese wasn’t half bad for a power guy with some size. There’s nothing you can do with a trashman gimmick though and it’s clear that he wasn’t getting any further than this. That being said, you would think he would get somewhere with his size and decent skills but it just never happened.

We look back at Mankind attacking Undertaker last week, which was still awesome.

Yokozuna is finally in an ambulance.

It’s time for arm wrestling between British Bulldog, flanked by Owen Hart, and Ahmed Johnson. Hang on though as Owen isn’t happy with the oil on Johnson’s chest and hands. Johnson uses the referee’s shirt to wipe down and grabs a chair, which Owen describes as “buttering up the referee”. Owen keeps running his mouth (as he is so adept at doing) and gets ejected. They lock up with Johnson’s arm stretched far longer than Bulldog’s. Johnson wins of course and Perfect freaks about him grabbing the table.

Of course Bulldog beats him down. A series of chair shots set up two whips into the table in the corner….which doesn’t break. The table (which is covered in oil) is so sturdy that Bulldog just drops it on him and then jumps on the thing a few times, which STILL doesn’t break it. That’s the best table I’ve ever seen. With nothing else working, Bulldog lifts it over his head and drops it onto Johnson from even higher, leaving Johnson mostly dead in a really effective beatdown.

Shawn Michaels vs. Jerry Lawler

Non-title with Diesel on commentary. Shawn knocks him down to start and Lawler does one of those over the top sell jobs that only he can do so well. A right hand to the face has Lawler in even more trouble so he tells the referee to stay in the corner as this turns into a boxing match. This goes as you would expect and Lawler crawls over to the referee for mercy.

There’s a backdrop to put Lawler down as this is downright masterful so far. We’re four minute in and it’s been punches and a backdrop but the fans are completely engaged in what’s going on. It’s time for the invisible foreign object but Shawn cranks on his hand. As this is going on, we go split screen to show Diesel chairing Shawn down at MSG a few weeks back.

Lawler gets in the cheap shot and chokes away as we take a break. Back with Lawler celebrating his right hands, again doing very little for a lot of success. Lawler dives into a right hand to the ribs though and there’s the top rope elbow. Some jawing to Diesel sets up Sweet Chin Music for the pin.

Rating: B-. I have a feeling this would be called horrible today as fans seem to equate the ability to do a bunch of stuff with quality. This was Lawler showing why he was one of the best of all time as he did almost NOTHING but punches and pantomime to make the fans want to see him get his head kicked off. Lawler was a master of getting the most out of almost nothing and it’s going to work every single time no matter where you are. Shawn was the star of course but Lawler was doing most of the work, which says a lot given how little he was actually doing. It’s about how you do it, and this was a great lesson.

Post match Diesel comes in and Mr. Perfect offers a distraction so Shawn can take a belt shot to the face to end the show.

Overall Rating: B+. Who said the Raw’s with Shawn as champion were bad? This is the second really good show in a row and while I doubt that lasts, Shawn vs. Diesel has some steam as a title match, if nothing else for Shawn’s first defense. Other than that the midcard is looking strong and the wrestling was good. That’s not bad for a fifty minute show and I had a good time with it. Keep this stuff up.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the NXT The Full Sail Years Volume III (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/05/25/new-book-nxt-the-full-sail-years-from-dallas-to-new-orleans/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: April 1, 1996
Location: Orange Pavilion, San Bernardino, California
Attendance: 3,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler

It’s the night after Wrestlemania XII and that means the boyhood dream has come true. Shawn Michaels is the new WWF World Champion and is the new undisputed top star in the company. Everything is about to start changing and unfortunately it would be part of a bad time for the company. However, there’s a BIG development tonight that would mean a lot of positives going forward. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Wrestlemania if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of last night’s biggest events, as you might have been able to guess.

Opening sequence, which actually isn’t new. You would kind of expect that here but not so much.

Mankind vs. Bob Holly

Here’s the big deal as Mick Foley makes his WWF debut. Ok his real debut as I’m not counting those squashes from 1986. This guy is BIZARRE, walking with that weird hunched over look and the dark lighting. Mankind TERRIFIED me as a kid and this first appearance makes me remember why. He really was that creepy and no one else could play that character. Some early right hands in the corner and the running knee have Holly in trouble.

An elbow to the mask gives Holly a breather and there’s the dropkick for his first real offense. Mankind low bridges him to the floor though and grabs a hot shot onto the apron. Fans: “HE’S HARDCORE!” The running ax handle in the Tree of Woe rocks Holly again and Mankind pulls out his own hair. The Mandible Claw makes its debut to finish Holly, who foams at the mouth after Mankind pulls out.

Rating: C-. So that’s how Mankind debuted and WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT? Mankind is instantly one of the creepiest things wrestling has ever seen, looking like he was completely deranged to the point where you almost have to watch and see what he’s doing next. I never knew what to make of him as a kid and looking back he’s still just as odd. Incredibly performance here and no one knew just how good he was going to become.

Stills of Marc Mero debuting last night.

Sable is in the front row.

Isaac Yankem DDS vs. Marc Mero

Sable pops up and cheers for Mero. Marc wastes no time in dropkicking him to the floor and hitting a running flip dive, followed by a slingshot legdrop for two. A top rope ax handle gives Mero two but here’s Hunter Hearst Helmsley to flirt with Sable. The distraction lets Yankem send him into the corner and we hit the chinlock. Mero fights up and gets two off a crucifix before a big left puts Yankem down. The top rope sunset flip gives Mero the pin.

Rating: D+. Not much to the debut here but the key thing that stuck out to me was Vince’s commentary. I couldn’t count how many times he said “the Wildman Marc Mero” so that it stuck in your head. That’s the entire point of something like this and Vince knows how to make you care about someone like Mero, who isn’t the most interesting guy in the world to begin with. Just a debut, but it did its job.

Post match Sable applauds and slaps Helmsley before leaving with Mero.

Ed Begley Jr. is going to host the Weekly World News April Fools Special and is looking for a clothing optional barber shop. Moving on.

Bodydonnas vs. Barry Horowitz/Aldo Montoya

Non-title as the Bodydonnas won the titles the night the night before on the Free For All (preshow). Aldo chops Skip in the corner to start and headlocks him down but it’s quickly off to Zip. Another headlock takeover has the champs in trouble and Aldo does a third, this time adding a headscissors to Skip at the same time. Barry comes in and keeps kicking Zip away as Vince gets distracted by Sunny’s low cut top.

A blind tag puts the champs in control, though it might be that they’re fighting Horowitz and Montoya. Zip tries a suplex over the ropes but gets suplexed over the top for a big crash on the floor. You don’t see that counter very often. The referee misses Barry’s victory roll on Skip so it’s a delayed two, followed by the regular version for the same result on Zip. Skip’s super hurricanrana sets up a top rope seated senton for the pin on Montoya.

Rating: C-. This was a nice little match with Horowitz and Montoya being good enough to put on a good performance. To be fair though, the division was bad enough that it wouldn’t have taken much more than a few wins to make them realistic #1 contenders. That’s not a good sign when you have two very low level jobbers in that spot but it’s where they were at this point.

Bob Backlund campaigns for President.

Call the Hotline! Set to Lex Luger’s WCW music for some reason!

Here’s Shawn Michaels for his first comments as WWF Champion, complete with a white hat saying “WWF Champion 3-31-96 Heartbreak Kid”. That’s so generic looking that you would think a fan made it. Shawn talks about being here because of the fans, who deserve a lot of thanks for getting him here. He’s not worried about facing Jerry Lawler next week or Diesel at this month’s In Your House.

As for Bret Hart, he made a believer out of Shawn last night and Bret will always be a champion in the fans’ eyes. Shawn promises to wear and defend this belt with the dignity that Bret did in the past. Back to Lawler (cue the BURGER KING chants), who Shawn calls Kingfish, he’ll be going back to the White Castle next week. Vince mentions Diesel being on commentary next week but Shawn isn’t sweating him either. He and Diesel were good friends but they’re better enemies (In Your House’s subtitle) so at In Your House, he’ll dance on Diesel’s face.

So to recap: take everything Shawn did that made him awesome and turn him into the smiling good guy that the company is always trying to push. It didn’t work for Diesel and it’s not going to work for Shawn, but never let that spot the company from trying to do something that doesn’t make sense.

Justin Hawk Bradshaw vs. Undertaker

Bradshaw, undefeated at this point, wastes no time and actually plants him with a powerslam. No cover of course, as Undertaker sits up so they can fight to the floor as we take a break. Back with a sidewalk slam getting two on Undertaker, who catches Bradshaw diving off the top with a powerslam.

There’s no cover again, with the idea being that Undertaker is so worn out from last night’s match against Diesel that he’s not at full strength. I’ve heard worse ideas. Bradshaw hits a big boot but a raise of the Urn lets Undertaker hit the jumping clothesline. The chokeslam and Tombstone have Bradshaw finished but here’s Mankind for the DQ.

Rating: C+. Now that’s more like it with both guys beating the heck out of each other. I know Bradshaw doesn’t have the best reputation but if you put him in a power match with someone like Undertaker, he’s more than capable of holding his own and even putting on a heck of a match. Even a weakened Undertaker can still go and this was a lot of fun. But now for the important stuff.

Post match Mankind annihilates Undertaker, sending him into whatever he can find and putting on the Mandible Claw. Undertaker foams at the mouth, which had me terrified as a kid. Referees get Mankind off of him but he comes back to beat on Undertaker even more as Undertaker is left laying. He’s finally dragged away and Undertaker’s music plays over the ads for next week’s show to wrap things up.

Overall Rating: C+. Aside from the main event, this was almost all about setting up the new stuff with Mankind being a major highlight. You could tell they had something new here and he comes off like a star immediately, which isn’t the easiest thing in the world. It makes him seem like someone who isn’t going to be easy to get rid of like Kamala or Giant Gonzalez, which is the right idea. The rest of the show was good enough too, but bigger things are on the horizon.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the NXT The Full Sail Years Volume III (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/05/25/new-book-nxt-the-full-sail-years-from-dallas-to-new-orleans/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Someone requested this, but I do warn you that it’s rather old and not up to my current standards.

Halloween Havoc 1996
Date: October 27, 1996
Location: MGM Grand Garden Arena, Las Vegas, Nevada
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Dusty Rhodes, Tony Schiavone

The main things here are of course the NWO matches, which tonight are Hogan vs. Savage for the title and the Outsiders vs. Harlem Heat for the tag titles. Other than that there isn’t a ton here as this is a relatively unimportant show. Sting is the mystery guy now do he’s not here I don’t think. The card looks fairly good though so let’s get to it.

The opening video is about how the NWO has destroyed everyone and tonight it’s Savage’s chance. No reason is given for why he should be different or anything but then again he’s a face so it’s not like it really means anything here.

Cruiserweight Title: Dean Malenko vs. Rey Mysterio

These two have been trading the title back and forth a bit lately. Rey is champion here and Dean has one of his old masks that he ripped off of him. Song angles never get old. Dean jumps him early and we have Mike Tenay here on commentary for the sake of sanity. Mike says that without the mask Rey is done. Nah he won two world titles after that so I’d think Mike is wrong here.

Rey’s knees are both in one piece here so he’s flying all over the place and is the most exciting thing most of the fans have ever seen in their lives. We kind of stop things for a bit here so Rey can put the old mask that Dean brought with him back on. Ok then. These two had some great matches as they did the whole technician vs. high flier thing and it almost always worked. This would be one of those times that it worked.

Dean grounding him here is the right thing to do as it fits into the psychology of the match here. I can live with it when it makes sense I guess. There’s a lot of this in Doug Williams vs. Kendrick at the moment. I love that spinning backbreaker that Dean can snap off like that. They’re doing a nice slow build here and it’s working very well as Rey is going to make his comeback and it’ll be awesome more than likely.

Ah here it comes. He starts busting out all of his big flips and cool moves and they start to work, playing into the idea that as long as Dean keeps it on the mat he can beat Rey. They hit insane speed for a reversal sequence that is just awesome. Rey starts busting out the ranas so you know he’s serious now. Dean counters West Coast Pop into a powerbomb which looks great. A gutwrench powerbomb off the top gives Dean the belt back in a cool ending. He got a BIG face pop despite being a heel here. That’s odd, but ok then.

Rating: B. Solid opener here as the crowd is very awake now. They’ve had better ones but the psychology was here more than it usually is but this worked out well. Rey did his thing and Dean did his. You combine that with good chemistry and this is what you get. Good match and great opener.

Jarrett is replacing Flair in the match vs. the Giant tonight. Any guesses on how this is going to go? Jarrett cuts a decent enough promo on Giant. Again, the guy is talented and no one is questioning that. He’s just not a main event guy, period. He’s just filling in for Flair tonight so there’s no real point to the match. Flair is here too for moral support. He hurt his shoulder so he had to drop the US Title too.

Lord of the Ring: Diamond Dallas Page vs. Eddie Guerrero

Yes, AGAIN they’re fighting over a ring that was won in a battle royal that is worthless at this point. Eddie won the ring at Clash of the Champions and DDP stole it back and now says he doesn’t know where it is. Nick Patrick is refereeing in a neckbrace. This was a feud that went on for a good while but no one remembers it because it meant nothing and went nowhere. They would be in the finals of the US Title Tournament at Starrcade and that’s about it.

Dusty thinks DDP is in the NWO. I think he’s the only big name that didn’t go NWO at some point. Page is still a heel but the pops are beginning to come. He calls Eddie girlfriend for no apparent reason. I’m not entirely sure if this is supposed to be interesting or not. It kind of is but I don’t think that’s what they’re going for here. I don’t know what I mean by that either so don’t try to make sense out of it.

The referee shoves DDP down and gets two for it somehow. DDP was getting better at this time but he still had a lot of moments where he did stuff that just looked awful. We just got one of them. He would have it smoothed out in about 8 months or so for his feud with Savage which was awesome. It’s oddly surprising how boring this match is though. They’re both good workers but this just isn’t interesting me at all. After a lot more of nothing, DDP grabs Eddie’s head and hits the Diamond Cutter to get the pin. Oh and Patrick had the ring apparently. Moving on.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t bad I guess but I just couldn’t get into it at all. It just wasn’t a very interesting match at all but I’ve seen far worse. There’s a severe lack of chemistry here which is odd because they’re both good workers. Just didn’t do it for me here at all.

Savage says this is the calm before the storm. When has Savage EVER been calm? He’s going to snap into Hogan. Wow that makes me want a Slim Jim. Oh and look who the sponsor is!

We literally go straight to Dean Malenko who says he’ll fight anybody that wants a shot, including Rey. Tenay towers over him which is a weird visual.

Ted DiBiase and the Giant are in the crowd for an NWO interview. The Giant has the US Title, even though he isn’t champion. Apparently Jarrett was offered a spot and turned it down. That’s fine enough for a story. Giant tries to talk and he’s a mile ahead of his debut last year, but it’s still pretty bad.

The Giant vs. Jeff Jarrett

Dusty says some people call Jeff Jarrett the giant killer. Who in the world has ever said that? Jarrett is a country guy here but he’s not singing at least. Again, the guy is fine for stuff like this. Just don’t put him much higher. Flair is here for support and comes out to his own entrance just because he feels like it I guess. The problem was that Jarrett had two things going against him: he was a heel in WWF, and he absolutely sucks as a face. Jarrett uses hit and run tactics and has strutted three times in 60 seconds.

Heenan says this is the NEW WCW. Oh that’s funny. And now Jarrett proves why he’s an idiot by putting on a headlock. When Tony Schiavone says you’re doing something stupid, you know you’re an idiot. And then he tries a hip toss. So basically Jarrett looked smart for about 45 seconds and since then he’s looked like an idiot. We get a MASSIVE NWO chant as that’s how much Jarrett is disliked. The NWO was still pretty evil at this point and they’re getting cheered somehow.

Giant balances out the stupidity of JJ by using basic, non-power moves. Flair grabs a mic and gives Jeff a pep talk. Giant does some backbreakers. That’s about the extent of their description. Did someone think this was a good idea for a match? Jarrett was a good worker but against guys the size of the Giant there’s only so many guys that can do much with him. Jarrett hits two PERFECT dropkicks and then tries to slam him.

The problem here is apparent and to be fair this isn’t Jarrett’s fault: he can’t do much to Giant due to the size. He punches a lot and throws dropkicks but how much of a match can you have based on that? Also in a match like this it’s heavily based around building up momentum for the big face comeback. When the face is booed every time he does something though it just doesn’t work that well. Now keep in mind this was supposed to be Flair but he got hurt so they did the best they could.

Jarrett knocks him down with a high cross body but gets the strong toss off. Figure four doesn’t work and we hit the floor. Figure four out there results in Jarrett getting his throat grabbed so Flair just hits him low for the DQ. The Horsemen come out for protection. Remember Jarrett wasn’t a Horseman at this point and was just a friend of Flair’s.

Rating: D. Just not a good match here but like I said, what did you really want them to do out here? The size was just too much to deal with and the crowd HATING Jarrett didn’t help either. Also Giant was still fairly inexperienced against guys that weren’t power guys that could help carry him, so I can give him a break on that. Still just a bad match though.

DiBiase is with Vincent (Virgil) and Syxx (X-Pac/Sean Waltman). They talk way too nicely about Jericho and how they’re coming for the Cruiserweight Title.

Chris Jericho vs. Syxx

The commentators having to ignore the NWO being cheered is always funny. Patrick is the referee again which has to be leading somewhere. This is before the neck injury for Waltman so he’s incredibly fast here. The Dungeon of Doom is at ringside. This is a very fast paced match as we talk about Jericho’s dad for no apparent reason.

This is one of those matches that is hard to comment on as it’s pretty good. Waltman could go against small guys and this is no exception. It wasn’t until he because X-Pac and became the giant killer or whatever that he became so annoying. We crank it up after a good deal of Syxx dominance.

Tony and Heenan get in an argument over whether or not Nick Patrick made a fast count. Oh that’s funny. Allegedly he’s counting slow for Jericho and there may be something to that. Dusty wants him arrested. Even Heenan gets on him for being slow. Ok now you know it’s serious. Jericho gets what should have been a five or so and yells at Patrick about it. He walks into a spinkick for the regular speed pin.

Rating: B-. This was about Jericho vs. Patrick which would happen at WW3 and would be the first match where an NWO guy would lose on PPV since their inception. This was very fast paced and fun though, but the referee thing was just annoying by the end of things. Other than that it was good though.

Luger, looking like he has Dolph Ziggler’s poofy hair, says he’ll get back at Arn for something. Oh ok Arn blamed Lex for tapping at War Games and more or less said he’s a coward, setting this up.

Lex Luger vs. Arn Anderson

Is there anything sweeter than that Horsemen theme song? It’s just flat out awesome sounding. Luger is in all black here which never really looked right on him. Sting has been offered a spot in the NWO. Anderson has hurt Lex’s back recently so he’s not at 100%. This is just not interesting at all. Luger’s back is fine it seems and we’re totally just killing time here. I love Dusty’s ridiculous faith in WCW. It’s always very amusing.

The Dungeon is cheering for Luger. And now Arn’s back is hurt. Sure why not. This match is the epitome of average. Lex does some stuff then Arn does some stuff and then we switch off. It’s just two guys doing moves on each other with a bit of a flow to it. It’s not interesting in the slightest either as there’s barely a reason for them to be fighting but we’re seeing it anyway. Luger works on the back which makes sense for him so that’s fine.

A spinebuster from Arn gets us back to even to an extent as I’m just waiting on this match to end. The back injury for Luger flares up all of a sudden of course so at least the continuity of lack of continuity is there. DDT doesn’t hit as this is just nothing. I know I’ve said that a lot but it’s true. And there goes the referee of course. Arn nails Luger and knocks him into Mark Curtis in case you’re interested for some reason.

We’ll throw in a chair that does nothing as we pad this match out a bit more. The worst catapult in recorded history puts Arn kind of into the post. Lex hits some chair shots on Arn and the Rack ends it. Luger doesn’t let him go. Arn takes forever to get up and the Horsemen come out to help him. He leaves on a stretcher. I think this was what explained him being more or less retired other than the occasional match afterwards.

Rating: D. This wasn’t a particularly bad match, but it is perhaps the least interesting match I’ve seen in a good many months. It’s a good example of a match that’s just there. Two guys wrestled, nothing special happened, one guy used his finishing move to get the win. That’s all there is to it and there’s nothing special about it at all.

Harlem Heat call out the Outsiders.

Faces of Fear vs. Chris Benoit/Steve McMichael

Mongo has barely any experience at all so expect a heavy dose of Benoit here which is hardly a bad thing. If nothing else we get the music again for the Horsemen. This feud went on forever and there was never really a blowoff for it other than it just stopping. Meng and Mongo start and McMichael hides from a kick. Oh that looked bad. It’s always cool seeing Benoit’s mix of wrestling and brawling. Not a lot of people were as good at it as he was.

Mongo loses a sumo match to Meng. Is there a reason this is happening? Mongo wakes up and uses football moves to get Meng down. This works so well that Meng kicks him in the face. I love that. Whenever someone does something stupid, KICK THEM IN THE FACE. McMichael tries some dropkicks. This is a very sad sight. The match is only watchable when Benoit is in there so the tag can’t come fast enough.

In a NICE move, Meng backdrops Benoit into a powerbomb from Barbarian. It’s an awesome move, so Dusty starts talking about the Outsiders. Why you ask? It’s Dusty so this is normal for him. A double headbutt from the top hits Benoit as it’s a good thing that he’s in. Tony talks about an old rule called the One Save Rule, which says that if you save your partner more than once it’s a DQ. This rule isn’t in effect anymore and I’ve never heard of it.

Mongo pops Meng with the briefcase, thereby completely ignoring all stereotypes, and the top rope headbutt ends it. The Dungeon runs in and since the Horsemen are with Anderson at the hospital it’s Benoit vs. everyone. That only works for so long though as the Dungeon stands tall. At least there’s a feud here to explain this. Sullivan goes up to Woman and says let me show you why I’m still the man and does what we would call a punt on Benoit.

Rating: D. I know I gave the previous match the same grade but this is somewhat better. There’s a feud here which makes sense so that’s definitely a good thing. This was really bad when Mongo was in and decent when Benoit was in. Mongo always looked like he was trying, but he just didn’t ever get the hang of it. This is a great example of it.

DiBiase introduces the Outsiders.

Tag Titles: The Outsiders vs. Harlem Heat

That original NWO music is still awesome. Then again so is Harlem Heat’s. The Heat had recently lost and regained the titles from Public Enemy for a pointless reign that lasted like two weeks. The Outsiders grab the belts and hold them up to a pop. Seeing the whole rebellion against the angles is very interesting. It was clear that the fans wanted something new. WWF realized that and made Austin, the rebel character, the top guy in the company and a face. Moral: listen to the audience. They’ll never let you down.

Apparently Sherri is the quarterback of Harlem Heat. Well I wouldn’t mind seeing her in the pants I guess. Stevie knocks Hall over the top rope which they immediately explain is NOT a DQ here. Why didn’t they just drop that stupid rule? I never got a straight answer to that. Anyway, Heenan says this is the first real test for the Outsiders, because clearly fighting Luger and Sting at Hog Wild wasn’t a test right? Or Savage, Luger and Sting or any other big combination they had. I love idiotic lines like that.

The fans loudly boo Harlem Heat taking over. I feel sorry for the announcers at times and then they say something stupid enough to make me lose any and all sympathy I have for them. The Heat dominate early on which is different than what you would expect. Crowd is totally behind the Outsiders here. Hall uses a chokeslam which he used back in like 93 I think. It’s weird to think he’s been using that since Giant was in high school.

Hall kisses Sherri. Can we get a sexual harassment lawsuit from the congregation? Booker hooks a sleeper and gets booed out of the building for it. Stevie gets the hot tag and cleans house, setting up the Harlem Hangover on Hall. Parker comes in for no apparent reason at all and swings the cane at Nash. This of course doesn’t work and two cane shots from Nash to Booker give the Outsiders the tag titles.

Rating: C-. Eh nothing great here but not that bad. This is far more important for the historical aspect than anything else. The ending made sense at least and the cheating was minimal, but the heels won with nefarious activities so that’s all fine. This wasn’t terrible, but the crowd told a lot of the story here as the heels got cheered and few liked the faces.

Hogan is in the crowd where DiBiase was when he did the promos earlier and talks about his new movies. He has a blonde wig on that looks like Sting’s haircut from the old WCW days.

WCW World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Randy Savage

So basically Savage has zero chance here and everyone on the planet knows it. The Outsiders have been escorted from the building allegedly, even though Giant was also and he’s with Hogan here. They must be a bit rushed as Savage’s music starts up while Hogan’s intro is going on and they have to stop it. Savage has a massive monster truck, complete with cowboy hat on it of all things.

Savage went on a big winning streak to get the title shot and then since he was getting over again in a feud against Hogan, he stopped winning for about a month leading up to this match, hence what I said about zero chance. Savage gets a mic and wants everyone else out other than himself and Hogan. Why do I have a bad feeling that the wig is going to play a long role in this match? Giant is thrown out so it’s no longer a reenactment of Mania IV.

Hogan stalls. I mean stalls a LOT. Savage comes at him and he runs for the ropes. Hey! A headlock! Hogan looks SMALL here, maybe weighing 260. And he stalls again, heading to the floor even longer. That headlock is all we’ve had in over four minutes so far. It’s just Hogan hiding in the ropes or in the corner or on the floor the whole time. We’re entering Zbyszko land here. So Liz, who isn’t here, is signed to the NWO but loves Savage still. Got it. Well that actually is a bit intriguing at least.

Savage takes over and steals Hogan’s sunglasses. Yeah Hogan was in sunglasses and a wig for the first seven minutes or so of the match. And there goes the wig. WOW! Hogan is BALD! Why was this supposed to be a big deal? He didn’t have hair in Rocky 3 so why is this a surprise? Savage puts the wig on and this is just bad so far. Hogan busts out a chair, marking the ONLY decent thing in the whole ten minutes so far. Seriously, THIS is the main event of one of the biggest shows of the year.

Hogan kisses Savage on the top of his head and here’s Liz. Someone actually shouts GET EM LIZ! That’s very amusing. And there go Hogan’s tights ecause we all want to see that. Hogan does nothing but punch and kick and choke. Savage does those things but throws in some clotheslines too. This is one of the worst main events I can ever remember. Liz comes in to check on Savage as Hogan is going for the legdrop. Of course we can hear every word Hogan says to her as he’s on a mic.

There goes the referee and here’s Nick Patrick and then another referee at the same time. The elbow hits and Patrick gets to two before his neck starts to hurt. Savage steals an object from Hogan and nails him. Giant is back as this is beyond a mess. Chokeslam on the floor and Savage is more or less dead. Hogan is put on top and gets the pin and a face pop.

Rating: F. This was supposed to be some kind of epic showdown and it was overbooked and a comedy match that wasn’t funny. Let’s see: 5 minutes of stalling, three run-ins, a foreign object, a cheating referee, a ref bump, another ref bump, chair shots and some punching sprinkled in. Yep it’s WCW all right.

Giant brings out a bowl of ice water to wake up Hogan which is amusing for some reason. Hogan grabs a mic and says he’s the king of Hollywood and I have a bad feeling I know where this is going. Ok I do know where this is going but you get the idea. Yep, we have bagpipes. The look on Hogan’s face when Piper shows up is great.

Piper and Hogan say hi to each other and for no apparent reason Hogan and Giant are alone with Piper and do nothing but talk to him. Hogan says he and Piper used to be neck and neck for the biggest star in wrestling. Not really but this is WCW so why use facts? Piper says he’s as big an icon in wrestling as Hogan is. No, not really. He says he’s as big a movie star as Hogan is. Ok that’s true. Piper says he’s shooting here. Yes, this is Starrcade’s main event by the way.

Piper FINALLY says something very true: At Wrestlemania, they wouldn’t have been cheering for Hogan so much if they hadn’t hated Piper so much. I didn’t buy that at first but the more I’ve thought about it the more I think there’s truth in it. Piper was despised by the fans and Hogan was the guy opposing him. I know Hogan was a big deal, but it was Piper fighting Mr. T and doing the mainstream stuff. Hogan was just a wrestler fighting him. I don’t think Piper was a bigger deal, but I think equal is fine, at least for Wrestlemania and the stuff leading up to it.

Piper wants Hogan to admit that he would be nothing without the fans behind him. He also points out that Hogan has never beaten him. Piper starts to leave and Hogan makes a skirt joke. He picks up the belt as Hogan leaves and they actually keep arguing as the show goes off the air. That’s funny for some reason.

Overall Rating: D. This was bad. The opener is good but seriously did you expect anything less? Far from their best match too. Other than that there’s more or less nothing. None of the matches other than the main event are overly bad but they all have been done better or just aren’t interesting at all. Hogan vs. Piper was a cool segment to an extent, but knowing what was coming would just suck the life out of it. Oh and World War 3 is next. Great. Avoid this one.

 

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