Summerslam 1999
Date: August 22, 1999
Location: Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Attendance: 17,130
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is the end of the summer for an interesting year in the WWF. The main event is the now mega heel HHH and the returning Mankind challenging Austin for the world title, but there’s another main attraction: Minnesota Governor and former wrestler Jesse Ventura is the guest referee for the second time in the history of this event. 1999 is a year remembered for a lot of flash and little substance but hopefully that doesn’t hold true here. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about various guest referees over the years, including Mike Tyson and both McMahons. Jesse Ventura talks about how he’ll be the law in the ring and doesn’t care what happens.

Jesse lectures Chyna and HHH about not cheating. Chyna is allowed to be out there but the pinfall has to be in the ring and it has to be legal.

The recently debuted Chris Jericho yells at Jericholic Howard Finkel for being late.

Intercontinental Title/European Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. D’Lo Brown

Brown holds both titles coming in and Jarrett’s manager Debra is in a bikini with a coat over it. Jeff sends her to the back to make sure the fans completely hate him. In the back, Debra offers to escort Brown to the ring to get back at Jarrett. Jeff jumps D’Lo to start but the champion comes back with a powerslam for one. Another powerslam gets two and Jeff can’t bail to the floor for a breather. A leapfrog is countered into a short powerbomb for two but Jeff comes back with a sleeper.

Brown is sent to the floor and a baseball slide sends him into the barricade. Ross gets in one of his eye roll worthy lines by saying Brown wasn’t safe on that one. I love JR but when he gets bad it’s hard not to cringe. A clothesline puts Jarrett over the barricade and Brown pounds away. This is basic stuff so far but not bad at all. Back in and Jarrett gets in some shots to take over as the fans are behind the champion.

Jarrett hits a tornado DDT on the arm and wraps it around the post. The fans are more interested in the recently named Puppies. Jarrett misses a running crotch attack and gets caught in a running Liger Bomb for no cover. A tilt-a-whirl powerslam gets two and a quick legdrop gets two. Brown misses a modified Swanton but here’s Debra on the apron. Jeff gets the guitar but here’s Brown’s training partner Mark Henry to destroy the guitar over D’Lo’s head to give Jarrett the titles. Debra of course rejoins Jeff eight minutes after leaving him.

Rating: C+. Nice opener here but the scent of Russo is strong in this one. Debra turned twice within a span of ten minutes in addition to interference and a run-in during a match for two titles at once. These two could clearly have a good match on their own but we had to bog it down with extra stuff anyway. That’s Russo 101: yeah it can make things interesting, but at other times it gets in the way of good wrestling.

Edge and Christian are ready for Tag Team Turmoil (a tag team gauntlet match) tonight. They outgrew Gangrel and are ready for his new team: the Hardys.

Tag Team Turmoil

As mentioned, Edge and Christian start against the Hardys which is a layup for a good start. The Canadians are good guys here and we have six teams involved with the winners getting a tag title shot tomorrow on Raw. Naturally it’s a brawl to start until we get down to Edge vs. Matt. A DDT puts the Hardy down and it’s off to Christian for a double hiptoss for two. Christian BADLY misses a spinwheel kick but it’s Gangrel interfering to give the Hardys control.

The Hardys take their shirts off to almost no reaction so you know they’re evil here. Jeff hits a slingshot springboard moonsault for two followed by Poetry in Motion to crush Christian in the corner. Matt takes forever to cover and brings in Jeff for a senton (not yet the Swanton) Bomb for two.

Edge makes the save and allows Christian to hit a double reverse DDT to set up the hot tag. Everything breaks down and it’s Edge and Jeff running the barricades to set up a spear in midair. Christian dives onto them both followed by Matt mostly missing a moonsault to take everyone else out. Back in and Edge pulls Matt off the top, setting up a top rope elbow to give Christian the pin.

The third team in is Mideon/Viscera and the big man is starting with Christian. Viscera hits a quick Samoan drop for no cover and it’s off to Mideon for a double elbow drop. A knee drop gets two but Christian avoids a middle rope elbow. Off to Edge who speeds things up but gets drilled by a spinwheel kick (again it barely connected but it’s more excusable with Viscera). Edge avoids a charging big man and a double shoulder puts Viscera outside. Mideon is speared down for the pin.

Droz/Prince Albert (Tensai) are the fourth team and it’s Albert quickly throwing Edge into the corner. JR gets on Jerry for not knowing anything about Albert but Lawler makes a great point: “Look at him and you know everything you need to know.” Albert gets two off a neckbreaker as the announcers argue whether football careers matter in wrestling (Hint: most of the time they don’t). Christian chop blocks Albert and the Downward Spiral sends Edge and Christian to the next match.

The Acolytes are here before the three count and it’s Bradshaw working over Edge to start. Edge comes back with a swinging neckbreaker and a missile dropkick as JR is whiny because Lawler pointed out how stupid the football stats were. Bradshaw powerbombs Edge out of the corner for two and it’s off to Faarooq. ANOTHER spinwheel kick barely connects (the production staff isn’t on their game tonight) but Bradshaw gets a tag before Christian does.

A belly to back suplex gets two for Bradshaw and it’s back to Faarooq for more basic power offense. We hit the chinlock for a bit before the Faarooq spinebuster sets up an arrogant cover for two. Edge gets up for a DDT and it’s a double tag to Christian and Bradshaw. Everything breaks down and Christian gets two off a tornado DDT. Edge drops Christian onto Bradshaw as the Hollys come out before the pin. The distraction lets Bradshaw kill Christian with the Clothesline to get us down to the final two teams.

Faarooq hits a quick Dominator on Crash but Hardcore makes the save. The cousins get in an argument over who gets to fight Faarooq but it’s the Acolytes getting to beat up Hardcore. It’s back to Crash who has no effect on Faarooq so the announcers bicker some more to entertain us. Hardcore finally gets the tag and dropkicks Faarooq, triggering a brawl between the cousins. Faarooq hits a quick spinebuster on Hardcore for the pin and the title shot.

Rating: C-. This match had the same issues that almost all gauntlet matches have: if these teams can get wins this fast, why don’t they do it all the time? The matches are just quick segments instead of actual matches with the longest being a slightly longer version of a TV match. However there was hope on the horizon as Edge and Christian and the Hardys would have a rematch with ladders in two months. Also, a team is coming from Dudleyville in about two weeks. The magic approaches.

The Hollys fight again.

Big Show and Undertaker arrive.

Al Snow grooms his dog Pepper and warns him of Boss Man singing Ethel Merman songs. Good advice actually.

Road Dogg comes out to watch the next match. He wants a shot at the Hardcore Title tomorrow night but here’s the brand new Chris Jericho to interrupt him. He’s on a raised platform in front of the crowd and this is his PPV debut. Jericho is disappointed in this whole show. He can’t believe it but Raw is Snore has been topped by Summersham. The people here have been conned into paying for it and now they look like fools.

Jericho rips on the roster and says the worst is standing in the ring right now. No one cares about Roadie and his spelling. If Dogg wants to be impressive, spell lugubrious. He makes fun of Dogg’s clothes and haircut and says DX sure sucks. Road Dogg tells him to shut up and Jericho is SHOCKED. Dogg’s mama cares about him but he’s not sure if he should do the catchphrase because Jericho might take him up on it.

Hardcore Title: Al Snow vs. Big Boss Man

Boss Man is defending and Dogg is doing commentary. Before the match Snow leaves Pepper in a small kennel in the back. Snow: “You know Head came to the ring with me.” Snow is waiting on Boss Man on the set and hits a high cross body to get us going. Dogg gets up and is going to be a roving reporter. Snow hits Man with a chair and they go to the back almost immediately.

Boss Man comes back with right hands and breaks a chalkboard over Snow’s head. Pepper’s case goes upside Snow’s head but Snow hits him with the board. Boss Man steals a crutch to blast Snow in the back before sending him into the Pepsi machine. Snow avoids the falling machine and throws Boss Man into the side of an SUV. They open a garage door and head outside before going across the street to a bar.

They’re fighting in front of the door and a superkick gets two for Snow. Snow is thrown through the patio furniture for two and we head inside. A shot with the Yellow Pages puts Snow down but he gets up to hit on some chick. Snow hits him with a magazine rack and they slug it out with broomsticks.

We hit the restroom for the required “comedy” spot with Boss Man taking soap in the eye. A beer to Boss Man’s face slows him down and Snow chokes him with a chain. Snow moonsaults him through a table but Boss Man is up first. They head into the pool hall and Boss Man hits Dogg with a drink. Roadie comes back with a nightstick shot to give Snow the title in an abrupt ending.

Rating: C. This is one of the more famous hardcore matches and it’s pretty harmless goofy fun. The division was at its peak here but the 24/7 Rule was coming to make it a total parody. It was less than eight minutes so it’s hard to really complain about this one. Yeah it’s bad but it’s completely harmless for the most part.

Snow runs back across the street to check on Pepper but has to beat up Stevie Richards and Blue Meanie for some reason.

Jesse warns Mankind about using chairs and how it won’t be allowed, but Mankind would rather talk about Geraldine Ferraro’s electability.

Women’s Title: Ivory vs. Tori

Ivory is defending and Tori is just horrible for the most part. Ivory painted the word sl** on Tori a few weeks ago to set this up. Tori charges in and hits a powerslam for two and it’s time for a breather. The crowd is already dead for this and a back elbow gets two for the champion. Tori hits a pair of suplexes and some lame kicks for two. Ivory is loudly calling spots to keep Tori from screwing everything up. The fans chant TAKE IT OFF as Ivory hooks a big swing. Tori comes back with a horrible spear and a middle rope cross body for two. They horribly botch a sunset flip so they do it again with Ivory sitting on Tori for the pin.

Rating: F+. Tori looked good in a bra and tight pants and that’s about it. Seriously, she was TERRIBLE and makes the modern Divas look like ring generals. Ivory was trying out there but she was hardly a miracle worker. Trish would debut soon but wouldn’t get good for about four more years.

Post match Ivory tries to take Tori’s top off but Luna Vachon makes the save, becoming the heel of the segment.

Rock verbally massacres Michael Cole by insulting his tie and implying Cole is a bit coome ci coom ca. Not that it matters as Rock is going to destroy Billy Gunn tonight. This was a bad time for Rock as he had a bunch of nothing feuds until he got back into the title hunt to close out the year.

Billy Gunn has a surprise under a tarp.

We recap Steve Blackman vs. Ken Shamrock. Blackman is recently back from an injury and they’ve been beating each other up for weeks. The result is another Lion’s Den match with weapons hanging from the cage. JR and King do the narration here for some reason.

Ken Shamrock vs. Steve Blackman

This is in the Lion’s Den which is that small cage which is NOT ripping off UFC. Not at all. You win by escape only. Blackman starts with the nunchucks but Shamrock comes back with profanity. Blackman chokes him down but gets caught in an armbar. Ken throws the nunchucks away and rams Blackman into the cage. Shamrock pounds Blackman down and whips him into the cage for a high kick to the head.

Blackman blocks a kendo stick shot and fires off kicks of his own before sending Ken into the cage. An atomic drop puts Shamrock down again and Blackman pounds him in the back with his martial arts sticks. Shamrock gets up and runs the cage wall to ram into Blackman with a kind of elbow to the face. A belly to back suplex puts Blackman down but Ken can’t quite follow up.

Back up and Blackman hits a quick DDT but Shamrock snaps off a powerslam. An enziguri puts Ken down and Steve pounds away with a kendo stick. A big shot to the head puts Ken down but he comes back with a wicked belly to belly to take over. Ken hits Blackman in the head (shoulder) with the stick….and that’s it. No reason is given but I’d assume a knockout, even though the announcers said you had to leave to win.

Rating: D+. This didn’t do anything for me. It was basically a hardcore match in a confined area which isn’t the most interesting thing in the world. It’s a far cry from last year’s version with Owen keeping up with Shamrock every step of the way. Granted this is Steve Blackman, a black hole of charisma instead of one of the best of all time. Nothing to see here but it wasn’t horrible.

We see Shane attacking Test earlier today.

Test says this is serious tonight.

Test vs. Shane McMahon

This is a Greenwich street fight with love her or leave her rules. Test is dating Stephanie but Shane doesn’t approve. If Test wins, Shane stays out of their lives but if Shane wins then the relationship ends. Test has bad ribs but Shane has no backup due to Test injuring every member of the Mean Street Posse. Scratch that theory actually as they come walking out before the match. Thanks for wasting my time on the video of Test destroying all of them. The Posse has a couch set for them in the front row.

Test takes Shane down to start but Shane hits a quick spear back inside, only to be pounded in the corner. A backdrop puts Shane down as the Posse drinks champagne. Shane is sent HARD into the steps and then into the crowd for a drink to the head. Test catches Shane diving off the barricade and powerslams him down onto the floor. Shane staggers around ringside so Test launches him at the Posse to tip the couch over.

The injured Posse goes after Test and give Shane a mailbox of all things to crack over Test’s head. A street sign stuns Test again and there’s a framed portrait of the Posse shattered over Test’s head. That’s only good for two and the fans are getting into this. Shane does a great looking leapfrog and this a jumping back elbow to the face to put Test down. A corkscrew senton (Spiral Tap) of all things misses and Test comes back with right hands.

Another leapfrog is countered into a sweet powerbomb but Rodney of the Posse distracts the referee. Test’s big boot hits the referee but he clotheslines Shane to the floor. The street sign puts Shane down again but here’s the Posse again to take Test down. They load him onto the announce table so Shane can hit the top rope elbow through Test. For a non-wrestler, Shane can drop a gorgeous elbow.

The referee is back up (why did he need to be bumped? It’s a street fight) but Test kicks out at two. The fans are really getting into this. Pete accidentally hits Shane with a sign but Rodney hits Test with his cast. That’s only good for two and now the fans are fired up. Patterson and Brisco run out to take care of the Posse and make it one on one. Shane charges into the post and it’s a pumphandle slam followed by the flying elbow to get Shane out of Test and Stephanie’s lives.

Rating: B. This took a little bit to get going but the fans got into it at the end. It’s a great example of a story carrying a match rather than the wild brawling. This was full of weapon shots and interference, but the story behind the match made people care about it. The people were invested in Test and wanted to see him fight for the woman he loved. That’s a classic story and it’s going to work every time. Good stuff here.

Stephanie comes out to celebrate post match.

We recap the tag title match. With Vince having been revealed as the Higher Power, Undertaker has been dropped down to an evil tag team with Big Show. They’re challenging X-Pac and Kane, who are in the beginning of a nearly year long story. Pac is Kane’s first real friend and the other monsters hurt him, so Kane wants revenge.

Tag Titles: Kane/X-Pac vs. Big Show/Undertaker

Kane is in the always awesome inverted attire, meaning it’s more black than red. The mash-up of Big Show and Undertaker’s themes really doesn’t work at all. It’s a big brawl to start with Undertaker easily knocking X-Pac to the floor. Kane gets double teamed in the corner but he clotheslines Big Show out to the floor and Pac gets two off a high cross body to Taker. We start with X-Pac against Taker with the big man cranking on the arm. Pac escapes and wisely tags out to give us brother vs. brother.

Taker is knocked to the floor and Pac dives off the apron to take him down. The crotch chop earned X-Pac an elbow to the face and a smile from me. Kane saves him little buddy and take Undertaker down with the top rope clothesline. Taker comes right back with his running DDT but Kane is up almost immediately. Big Show comes in to throw Kane around and drops him with a superkick.

Since this is a battle of the giants it’s time for some choking but we’re not to the bearhug yet. A powerslam gets two on Kane and it’s back to Undertaker to pound away in the corner. They slug it out and both guys go down with a double clothesline. The hot tag brings in X-Pac who catches Undertaker with a spinwheel kick (actually connects) but Big Show pulls the small man down. Everything breaks down and Pac is crotched against the post. Show slams Pac down and drops a knee to his chest. The size difference is remarkable when you see them next to each other.

There’s the bearhug but X-Pac bites his way out of it. A cross between a chokeslam and the Boss Man Slam gets two for Show but Kane breaks up the chokeslam. X-Pac hits Show low and it’s off to Kane to clean house. Everything breaks down again and X-Pac sends Taker into the post. There’s a Bronco Buster to Big Show but he pops up and chokeslams X-Pac down…..for two? Taker is MAD and goes after X-Pac in the corner before ending him with a tombstone for the titles.

Rating: D. This didn’t do it for me at all. I couldn’t stand X-Pac around this time and this is a great example of why. The whole idea of his character at this point was he wouldn’t give up, which led to him beating a lot of guys FAR bigger than him. I don’t have much of a problem with X-Pac against smaller guys, but when he’s beating people Taker’s size it was very annoying. The match was an extended squash.

Jesse gives Austin the same speech.

Billy Gunn vs. The Rock

The loser has to, shall we say, kiss up to the winner. Billy brings a fat chick with him for Rock to kiss if Rock loses. Gunn jumps him to start but Rock comes back with right hands of his own to send Gunn to the floor. They head up the aisle with Billy being sent into a metal barricade. Rock is sent into it as well and clotheslined down as Billy takes over. Rock comes back with a clothesline of his own as they fight by the Lion’s Den. This is really dull stuff so far.

They head back to ringside with Gunn sending him into the steps but being rammed face first into the announce table. Rock puts the King’s crown on Billy’s head for a right hand. Back in and Billy chokes away before getting two off a neckbreaker. Gunn drops an elbow to the chest and gets two off a bulldog.

A Stinger Splash crushes Rock but he explodes out of the corner with a running clothesline. The floatover DDT takes Gunn down but Rock can’t follow up. Rock gets two off a swinging neckbreaker and a Samoan Drop but the Rock Bottom is countered into a Fameasser. The fat woman comes into the ring but Billy goes face first into her. Rock Bottom and People’s Elbow ends this a second later.

Rating: D+. What were you expecting here? Like I said, Rock was in a funk at this point and going from lame feud to lame feud with nothing for him to work with. I mean, BILLY GUNN is the best they can do for him at Summerslam? The match wasn’t terrible but it was just killing time until the very obvious ending.

We recap the main event. Chyna actually won a #1 contenders triple threat over Undertaker and HHH but HHH went on a power trip, saying it was his shot. Mankind cost HHH a one on one match against Chyna for the shot and then beat Chyna for the title shot himself. HHH attacked Mankind’s leg, leading to a fourth #1 contenders match, resulting in a double pin and a threeway tonight.

Jesse comes out first and says he’s proud to be a wrestler. Here here!

WWF World Title: Steve Austin vs. Mankind vs. Triple H

Triple H and Austin start fast in the ring but Mankind pulls HHH to the floor and sends him onto the announce table. All three head into the ring with HHH being ping ponged back and forth by right hands from both guys. Mankind offers Austin a handshake but gets punched in the face instead. HHH is knocked to the floor and Mankind misses a charge at Austin to send him to the outside as well.

All three are on the floor now with no one having a clear advantage. Austin clotheslines Mankind down before slugging it out with HHH, allowing Chyna (HHH’s manager) to send Mankind into the post. Jesse tries to separate Chyna and Mankind as HHH hits Austin’s bad knee with a chair. Ventura asks the crowd if HHH hit Steve with a chair but doesn’t do anything about it once they say yes. Mankind is back in now but gets pounded down in the corner by HHH.

A quick Mandible Claw slows HHH down but Chyna breaks it up by crotching Mankind on the post. That earns her an ejection and a lecture from Ventura. Austin is back up now and pounding away on HHH in the aisle. They fight back to ringside where Austin’s bad knee is wrapped around the post. A chop block puts Austin down but Mankind is getting back up again. He breaks up a stomping from HHH to Austin, only so he can stomp Austin instead. Now they stomp Austin together to a loud chorus of boos.

HHH puts on a spinning toe hold but breaks up a cover attempt by Mankind, starting a fight between the two of them. HHH is knocked to the floor but Mankind misses a dive off the apron. Austin’s knee is almost wrapped around the post again but Mankind intercept it and brawls with HHH into the crowd. A piledriver on the concrete is broken up and Austin fights HHH again. Everyone heads back inside and there’s a low blow from Austin to HHH.

The Stunner takes down Mankind but HHH breaks it up with a chair shot. Ventura yells at HHH about it before HHH knocks Mankind out with the chair as well. HHH covers Mankind but Jesse isn’t counting a cover off an illegal move like that. Shane runs in to plead HHH’s case but gets Stunned for his efforts. Ventura throws Shane out but HHH and Steve clothesline each other down. Mankind loads up Socko and both guys get a mouthful of it but Austin kicks Mankind low to break it up.

HHH loads up the Pedigree on Mankind but Austin clotheslines HHH down to break it up. Austin punches both of his challengers and hits a Stunner on HHH but Mankind breaks up the count at two. Austin sends Mankind into the post but walks into the Pedigree. Mankind pops back up though and knocks HHH down before hitting the double arm DDT on Austin for the pin and the title in a surprise.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t all that great of a match. At the end of the day it was a pretty slow paced brawl and HHH wasn’t on this level yet. Still though, it wasn’t terrible and Jesse added some good moments to the match. This wouldn’t wind up meaning much for reasons I’ll get into in a bit. It’s a nice moment though.

Post match HHH destroys Austin and his knee with a chair, putting him on the shelf for a month.

Overall Rating: D+. This show is a product of the times and political issues kept it from having the big moment it was looking for. HHH was scheduled to win the title to end the show but Jesse didn’t want to raise a heel’s hand to end the show. The title change would take place the next night on Raw and HHH would have his first title defense on a new show called Smackdown later this week. The show is totally forgettable though with only the street fight and the main event being notable at all. Not worth seeing but there are worse shows.

Ratings Comparison

Jeff Jarrett vs. D’Lo Brown

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Tag Team Turmoil

Original: B-

Redo: C-

Big Boss Man vs. Al Snow

Original: B

Redo: C

Ivory vs. Tori

Original: F

Redo: F+

Ken Shamrock vs. Steve Blackman

Original: B-

Redo: D+

Shane McMahon vs. Test

Original: B

Redo: B

Unholy Alliance vs. X-Pac/Kane

Original: D+

Redo: D

Billy Gunn vs. The Rock

Original: B-

Redo: D+

HHH vs. Steve Austin vs. Mankind

Original: B+

Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: D+

WOW and I thought 1990 was screwed up.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/08/03/history-of-summerslam-count-up-1999-the-body/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/07/23/new-book-kbs-complete-2003-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: June 28, 1999
Location: Charlotte Coliseum, Charlotte, North Carolina
Attendance: 19,533
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the night after King of the Ring and, believe it or not, a lot of things have changed. Last night saw Billy Gunn beat X-Pac to win the tournament (because having Road Dogg move on to the finals to face Gunn was too basic and logical for Russo) and the McMahons regained power from Steve Austin due to some shenanigans. Now why do I have a feeling that more shenanigans are afoot? Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a stills package from last night’s main event with Austin getting screwed out of his powers as CEO. Was anyone really expecting anything else? Your trivia: that was the last time Vince and Austin faced each other in a match.

Opening sequence.

Here’s the Corporate Ministry and balloons fall as Vince starts to celebrate. Vince and Shane are downright giddy and Shane gets to fire Austin as CEO. With Paul Bearer and Mideon dancing together in the background, Vince promises that Austin is going back down to the bottom of the ladder. As for tonight, Austin will be in a preliminary match and then get to take the ring apart to end the show.

This brings Vince to the rest of last night, including Undertaker making Rock’s upper lip curl and the general success of the Corporate Ministry. In honor of everything going well, Vince is willing to offer Undertaker the opportunity to defend the WWF Title against HHH at Fully Loaded. Cue the Big Boss Man to his old music (freaking sweet) to stare Vince and Shane down….and then and rejoin the team.

That’s finally enough and it’s time for Austin to blow the roof off the place. Austin gets straight to the briefcase being raised up, and really he’s not surprised. He’s so not surprised that he did something when he was still CEO. In addition to giving himself a new contract for more money and the ability to attack Vince whenever he wants to, he’s facing the Undertaker for the title TONIGHT and if anyone interferes, Austin wins the title.

Ken Shamrock vs. Steve Blackman

Weapons match and Shamrock is in street clothes. Before the match, Shamrock yells about Vince sending Blackman to take him out, because he’s never going to stop. They start fighting on the floor but Shamrock’s bad ribs flare up. Some weapons shots to the ribs make Shamrock bleed from the mouth and he can barely move. That’s enough for Blackman, who hits Shamrock in the head with a kendo stick, puts his weapons back in the bag, and leaves. As is so often the case, this was more of a segment than a match.

Shamrock refuses medical attention and Blackman leaves.

Here’s King Billy Gunn for a chat. He brags about “winning” the Tag Team Titles last week but quickly shifts over to winning three matches in a row last week over people “at the top of their game”. Gunn is tired of carrying people everywhere because now it’s all about him. Cue Chyna and HHH with the latter holding a shirt. He’s out here on business and asks if Billy has gotten his royalty check lately.

They’re a little lower than they should be because X-Pac and Road Dogg are claiming the rights to the DX name. Therefore, all the shirts like the DX shirts he’s holding are putting money in X-Pac and Road Dogg’s pockets. The three of them were DX so it’s time to go get the rights back where they belong. HHH is busy so Chyna can help Billy instead. They have a deal but here’s Rock to go after HHH for costing him the title last night.

Chaz (formerly Beaver Cleavage) and his girlfriend Marianna is asked about “breaking character” last week (you know Russo wrote this because no one else would be stupid enough to put something like this on TV). He’s been down “gimmick alley” before and says he doesn’t want to be anything but himself. Egads this stuff is hard to watch.

GTV shows us Test and Stephanie McMahon leaving a Marriott together.

Meat vs. Chaz

It’s the battle of the underwear with Meat, with PMS, in pink briefs and Chaz in smiley face boxers. Chaz stars with a powerslam as we hear about Rock vs. HHH being made for tonight. Lawler of course can’t shut up about Stephanie and Test at the hotel, even as Meat gets two off a layout F5. Terri offers a quick distraction so Jacqueline can punch Chaz, leaving Marianna shoves Terri down. The bigger distraction lets Chaz hit a reverse Death Valley Driver for a fast pin.

Test is in the back for an interview but Shane McMahon and the Mean Street Posse run in and beat him down.

Here’s Hardcore Holly, who isn’t impressed by Big Show throwing a car on him. Holly: “Well guess what. YOU MISSED!” As for tonight, he wants Kane due to a fight last night at King of the Ring.

Hardcore Holly vs. Kane

Kane elbows him in the face to start but gets crotched on top. The referee gets distracted for the sake of convenience, allowing Big Show to sneak (because giants can do that) in for a chokeslam on Kane to give Holly the pin.

Post match Kane pops up and chokeslams Holly four times.

The Rock vs. HHH

Before the match, Rock talks about leaving a tattoo on the back of Undertaker’s 33lb head saying how badly he beat Undertaker up. The slugout it on in a hurry with Rock getting the better of it off a running clothesline. HHH is right back up with some right hands in the corner as we’re waiting on whatever run-in they have for this match. Rock’s DDT gets two and it’s Billy Gunn coming in with a club to knock Rock cold less than two minutes in.

Prince Albert and Droz are beating up Val Venis.

Godfather vs. Edge

Godfather is in the Hall of Fame before either Rock or HHH. There’s something very wrong with that reality. Unfortunately Lawler has seen Austin Powers recently and is now full of jokes from the movie. As Edge is coming to the ring, we see a clip of Edge coming off the middle rope to spear Jeff Hardy out of the air, which JR thinks is amazing. Time continues to not be kind to this show. They punch each other a bit and here are Droz and Albert for no logical reason. Edge falls down before a clothesline touches him and there’s the Ho Train. Droz, distraction, sitout gorilla press, spear gives Edge the pin.

Post match Godfather gets beaten down again. His arms get tied into the ropes and Albert goes to pierce one of the Ho’s tongue with Edge making a save. The ladies seem very happy and are all over Edge, who can go with this. A displeased Gangrel is watching from the crowd.

Gunn tells someone to come out if he’s needed.

Billy Gunn vs. Bradshaw

This is taking place because Gunn took a title belt with him after winning a six man tag where he was partners with the Acolytes, who are the actual champions. Bradshaw clotheslines him to the floor and Faarooq gets in a belt shot to no reaction. Back in and Gunn punches him down because Faarooq hitting you in the head with a title belt is just an inconvenience.

Gunn’s Stinger Splash is countered into a fall away slam but a tornado DDT plants Bradshaw. With Bradshaw down, Gunn pulls the trunks down at Faarooq, who hits Bradshaw with a belt by mistake. The Fameasser is broken up by an interfering X-Pac and the Clothesline gives Bradshaw the pin and the title back, even though it’s a Tag Team Title being won in a singles match and Bradshaw never lost the thing.

Rating: F. Ok I know I harp on this stuff a lot but we just had a three minute match with multiple belt shots, two people interfering and a singles match for a Tag Team Title that was stolen when a partner won a six man tag to wrap up a two week story. Are we really going to have people changing the channel to Nitro (featuring the Cat vs. David Flair and Sid Vicious vs. Scott Putski before a main event of David Flair challenging for the World Title) if things weren’t moving this fast?

Post match Chyna throws X-Pac inside but Road Dogg comes in for the save. Was it really necessary to have Chyna, who was shown with Gunn earlier, as a mystery?

Here are new Women’s Champion Ivory and Nicole Bass for a chat. Ivory talks about how real she is and how she wants some competition. Therefore, let’s have an open challenge to any fan in the crowd. A woman gets in the ring but starts to back off. Ivory slaps her and the catfight is on, only to have Bass powerbomb the fan. More beating ensues and Ivory drags her around by the hair as security makes the save.

Vince isn’t worried about Austin.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. X-Pac

Jarrett is defending and has Debra with him, who gives Lawler a SHOW ME THE PUPPIES shirt. Oddly enough, that’s worthy of a small grin. They run the ropes to start and it’s X-Pac missing a charge in the corner. Jeff tosses him to the floor as Lawler says the briefcase being raised up last night was a trick of the eyes. Back in and Jeff whips him hard into the corner, followed by the sleeper.

As is always the case, it’s reversed into a sleeper on Jarrett but this time he reverses into a third. That’s broken up with a low blow as the fans chant for Mongo (Debra’s ex-husband) and X-Pac grabs a sitout powerbomb. The Bronco Buster connects but here’s Gunn with a guitar. That’s taken away and Jeff gets clocked but there’s no referee as Debra has her jacket opened. The distraction lets Gunn hit the Fameasser so Jarrett can retain the title.

Rating: D. You know, because these two, as in two of the best hands of the generation, can’t get five minutes on a show packed with this much stuff. Oh but at least we got another segment in the DX fallout after all those other segments in the DX fallout, including in the previous match. As usual, too much packed into too short of a time and it doesn’t have time to connect.

Post match Dogg comes in, quickly followed by Chyna until referees break up the brawl.

WWF World Title: Undertaker vs. Steve Austin

Undertaker is defending and gets flipped off before the bell, meaning the slugout is on in a hurry. They slug it out in the corner with Undertaker actually getting the better of it until a Thesz press gets Austin out of trouble. They’re already out on the floor with Undertaker going face first into the steps but he kicks Austin in the face back inside (thankfully without the knockout ala Summerslam 1998). Paul Bearer gets in a shoe shot and there’s a clothesline to the floor. Lawler: “Austin is like the Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz! He’s got no heart!” Maybe Lawler should focus on his film/literature studies more than the puppies.

Austin fights back and drops Bearer with a right hand but walks into a clothesline. Back in and we hit the choke before Undertaker falls on top of a slam attempt. You know, because Austin is known for his slams. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Old School gets two. Austin pulls him face first into the corner though but his crotching against the post is pretty easily kicked away.

That means a third chinlock but Austin is up much faster this time, only to have a double clothesline put them both back down. Back up and the Tombstone is countered into a Stunner for….two with Bearer pulling the referee out. Austin is right back in with another Stunner to get the title back.

Rating: D+. And that’s the highest rated match in the history of cable, drawing over 10 million viewers for a record that is never going to be broken. These two never do have a strong chemistry together and this wasn’t their best effort either. They had a little extra time but it was still just about ten minutes long, which isn’t exactly what you want for a match this big.

Post match Undertaker hits him with the belt to draw some blood and beats Austin down to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. The main event was huge but the rest of the show was the usual flying through a dozen stories at once, often with stories that didn’t need to exist (the Tag Team Title belt for instance) or were done far too many times in one show (the DX stuff). It wasn’t as bad as some of these shows have been, but I’ve only been done watching the show for a short while and I’m trying to remember what I watched. That’s the case way too often around here and is more exhausting than anything else.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the NXT The Full Sail Years Volume III (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/05/25/new-book-nxt-the-full-sail-years-from-dallas-to-new-orleans/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: June 21, 1999
Location: Pyramid, Memphis, Tennessee
Attendance: 15,757
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for the King of the Ring and that doesn’t exactly have me instilled with confidence. You never know what you’re going to get around here and Steve Austin as CEO isn’t going to make things much better. Hopefully we get more than one match to break five minutes this week but there’s no guarantee. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of the end of last week’s show with Rock beating HHH and Undertaker to earn a title shot at King of the Ring. The Corporate Ministry is imploding, mainly due to a series of incidents that could only happen because the script says so.

Opening sequence.

Here are HHH and Chyna to open things up. HHH wastes no time and wants Undertaker out here for a fight RIGHT NOW. Cue a ticked off Undertaker and Paul Bearer, who you don’t call out without expecting an answer. Vince McMahon is right there with the Corporate Ministry though and violence is cut off. This is what everyone here, plus Steve Austin and the Rock want.

Vince polls the fans on wanting to see the two of them fight tonight but that’s not happening. Since that’s not the case tonight, let’s talk about Sunday, when Chyna will be crowned Queen of the Ring. Vince talks about how you can’t always get what you want, like Rock not being able to get the WWF Title this Sunday. As for the new CEO, Austin is willing to put his powers up in the ladder match. The McMahons know a bit about climbing the corporate ladder and that’s the ladder Austin will be at the bottom of after Sunday.

This brings out Austin, with a ladder and the briefcase full of beer. After having a seat on top of the ladder and some generic insults, Austin promises to win the WWF Title again. Austin promises violence on Sunday and throws in a bonus stipulation: if any member of the Corporate Ministry interferes on Sunday, he’s in full control. Vince makes it no holds barred (meaning interference is allowed) because Vince and Shane McMahon say so (even if Shane didn’t talk).

Now it’s Commissioner Shawn Michaels rising up through the stage (Huh?) to say someone has to have a level head around here. Before he can make a decision though, he needs a cup of coffee, so here are his new associates: Pat Patterson and Gerald Brisco. We can’t just have people throwing stipulations around so tonight we’ll have a match between Austin vs. a member of the Corporate Ministry to decide if interference is allowed (with Shawn explaining the stipulations all over again).

Vince picks Undertaker but Shawn says he’s booked. Same with Shane’s pick of HHH, because Undertaker is defending the title against HHH tonight. They finally settle on Big Boss Man so Shawn makes himself guest referee. Austin promises violence to FINALLY end this segment after a stupid amount of twists and turns. That should be a month’s worth of….and hang on because Michaels isn’t done.

Tonight it’s Patterson/Brisco vs. the McMahons to really end this. Egads this felt long and would have made me change the channel to Nitro back in the day. Just have some action already and stop with the twenty minute open….GOOD GRIEF IT’S STILL GOING! Vince sends the Corporate Ministry (save for Viscera due to plot convenience) after the Stooges so here’s Ken Shamrock through the crowd to chair Viscera in the back in an attempt to get to Vince.

That was long. Moving on.

Jeff Jarrett and Debra argue with Shawn that they can’t wrestle tonight because they’re not in their gear. Shawn doesn’t care.

Vince and Shane rally the troops to guard against Shamrock. Mideon says he saw a spare belt in Shane’s bag and asks if he can have it. Shane doesn’t care.

Ken Shamrock vs. Test

Good thing Shamrock left the ring and then came back for this match. Now you won’t believe this but HANG ON A SECOND because something is changing.

Ken Shamrock vs. Test vs. Jeff Jarrett

And one more change, as per a Pat Patterson announcement.

Intercontinental Title: Ken Shamrock vs. Test vs. Jeff Jarrett

Jarrett is defending. The challengers double team Jarrett to start but get in an argument over who should get the pin, allowing Jeff to come back. Test kicks him in the face but gets crotched on top. Jarrett breaks up an ankle lock but here’s Steve Blackman with a kendo stick. A shot to the back puts Shamrock down and another to the head knocks him out. Jarrett comes back in and steals the pin to retain.

Blackman left during the break.

The Rock vs. Edge

My goodness this would have been different at another time. Before the match, Rock promises to take a piece of the learning tree and use it for something rather painful on Undertaker. Rock wastes no time in punching him in the face but gets caught with a spinwheel kick. The Maivia Hurricane gets two and a suplex is good for the same as the announcers talk about the Stooges being in action tonight. Edge’s missile dropkick gets him out of trouble….and then he dives into the Rock Bottom. The People’s Elbow is good for the pin.

Rating: D. You can’t call this disappointing as Edge was a newcomer at this point and nowhere near a star yet. This is more a footnote that would wind up on an Unreleased DVD or something like that, which is perfectly fine. Edge got in some offense and wasn’t squashed, but this was all it should have been.

Post match Undertaker comes in with a Tombstone to Rock.

HHH tells Vince that he’s winning the title tonight. How many times do you think they’ve had that same chat over the years?

Mark Henry vs. Viscera

Gorilla press match because one regular match in a row is enough. This was set up last week on Heat when Viscera crotched Henry against a post. Clearly gorilla pressing is the obvious next step. Viscera jumps him from behind but can’t get an early slam attempt. Henry, in street clothes for no apparent reason, slugs away as JR thinks this is just a glorified body slam match. And that’s why they pay him so much. Henry gets him up for a slam but can’t turn it over and hurts his back in the process. Viscera misses an elbow but Henry takes forever going up and gets slammed (nearly a press) down to give Viscera the win.

Post match Viscera goes up top (oh dear) but D’Lo Brown runs in for a double slam to leave Viscera laying. Mideon runs in with the European Title (not identified) to lay out Brown and Henry.

Beaver Cleavage is ready for a match with Meat tonight but takes off his hat and says he can’t do this. The director shouts that “WE’RE LIVE CHAZ” as he walks off. So much for that terrible character, thank goodness.

Big Boss Man vs. Steve Austin

Michaels is guest referee and the winner gets the stipulation they want at King of the Ring. Austin wastes no time in throwing it to the floor as the McMahons come out carrying a ladder. That just gives Austin another weapon to hit Boss Man in the face and it’s back inside with Austin hitting a top rope ax handle of all things. Hang on though as the McMahons are back with the ladder again. We’re not even a minute and a half into the match yet and we’re on our second run-in.

Austin wraps Boss Man’s leg around the post as Shane is on commentary and Vince climbs the ladder. The fight heads outside and Austin puts Boss Man on the announcers’ table, with the ladder being turned over so Vince lands on the table as well. I guess jumping down wasn’t in Russo’s extensive script. Back in and Boss Man grabs a chinlock before a double clothesline takes them both down. Austin scores with the Thesz press and Vince rants on commentary. The nightstick shot misses and Austin hits the Stunner for the pin.

Rating: D. What exactly were you expecting here? You had to have the interference to make sure it wasn’t a big waste of time as Boss Man vs. Austin isn’t going to be the most thrilling match in the world. At least they didn’t go too long with it either and that made this about as good as it was going to be. If nothing else it’s weird to see Austin wrestling a lower level guy like this, even with such a big stipulation.

Austin and Shawn share some beers.

During the break, the Corporate Ministry beat the heck out of the Boss Man.

Val Venis vs. Prince Albert

Albert gets a pre-match promo but Val dives onto him anyway (hard to do while wearing a towel). He even manages to handcuff Albert’s buddy Droz to the ring and hits a Money Shot on Albert before the bell. Albert gets handcuffed too and Val opens Albert’s tattooing kit. Albert’s tights go down (of course) and guess where Val tattoos him. It’s a VV, which just looks like a W. No match, and quite the retaliation for the forced nose piercing a few weeks ago.

Road Dogg/X-Pac/Kane vs. Acolytes/Billy Gunn

Hang on though (ERG!) as X-Pac wants the Acolytes to put up their Tag Team Titles. Sure, why not.

Tag Team Titles: Road Dogg/X-Pac/Kane vs. Acolytes/Billy Gunn

The Acolytes are defending and it’s not clear who exactly is challenging. It’s a brawl to start with X-Pac kicking Gunn in the face…and the Fameasser is good for the pin in just over a minute. Billy leaves with a Tag Team Title and oh my head hurts.

On GTV, AL Snow picks his nose but denies it to the Head.

A Seattle Seahawk is here. King: “What’s he doing in Memphis?” Fair question actually.

Big Show vs. Hardcore Holly

Fallout from Show chokeslamming Holly last week on Heat. Of course there’s something to be said before the match with Holly telling Show that he sucks. Holly is tired of hearing about how big Show is so let’s make this a hardcore match. Show chops him down in the aisle and they go up next to the stage to really go hardcore. They’re already in the back for the pre-tape with Holly missing a toss of a trashcan. They head into the parking lot with Show shoving a car off a ledge and possibly onto Holly, who is easily pinned. So that happened, again in about two minutes. Next segment.

Pat Patterson/Gerald Brisco vs. Vince McMahon/Shane McMahon

The Stooges take them down and we’re ready to go in a hurry. Vince and Shane take over with rights and lefts in the corner and a low blow cuts Patterson off. Cue Ken Shamrock so Vince leaves Shane to take the beating. Shamrock chases Vince to the back but the Mean Street Posse comes in with Joey Abs making his debut and Pillmanizes Patterson’s ankle which is finally enough to have the match thrown out.

Brisco gets his ankle snapped too.

WWF World Title: Undertaker vs. HHH

Undertaker is defending and JR describes HHH as a “youngster”. Egads that’s hard to shake your head at anymore. They trade big shots in the corner and a clothesline takes HHH down for the first two. Old School connects but Undertaker comes up holding his knee. What a coincidence. HHH chop blocks him down and cannonballs down onto the knee but an unintentional Chyna distraction causes HHH to get pulled outside.

They slug it out on the ramp for a bit before heading back inside to continue the punching. You know, what passes for wrestling around here. Undertaker’s knee is wrapped around the post as HHH is trying to make this a match. We hit the Figure Four until Undertaker sits up and grabs him by the throat for the chokeslam ala Giant vs. Ric Flair. Not that it matters as here’s Rock for a Rock Bottom and the DQ.

Rating: D+. HHH was trying out there for some reason and that’s all you can ask for. Undertaker’s knee selling was fine but there’s only so much you can do with interference and brawling to fill in the span of less than seven minutes. That’s the problem with so many of the matches on this show and it’s holding back the matches that could work in the first place.

Post match Rock hammers on both of them as a smoking Brahma Bull logo comes down from the ceiling. The Acolytes come in for the save but the Boss Man runs in to take them out. Bearer gets tied to the symbol and Rock promises to win the title to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Another Russo style show with nothing to see as they were trying as hard as they could to set up King of the Ring, though I couldn’t tell you more than two people in the actual tournament. As usual, pay per view doesn’t mean much in this era and it’s getting a little annoying having this happen week after week. At this point, a C- match that gets seven minutes would be the best thing I’ve seen in a long time. I can see why this stuff was exciting at the time but egads it doesn’t hold up at all, especially with every match feeling like I’m just waiting on the big interference or whatever. Slow down a bit already.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the NXT The Full Sail Years Volume III (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/05/25/new-book-nxt-the-full-sail-years-from-dallas-to-new-orleans/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

So I’ve been doing more of the 1999 Raw’s and EGADS the talent that came through around that time.I know we always talk about the Class of 2002 with Cena, Orton, Lesnar, Mysterio and Batista.  That’s very good, but consider who WWE brought in from February 1999-January 2000:

Big Show

Chris Jericho

Kurt Angle

Dudley Boyz

Chris Benoit

Eddie Guerrero

 

Five World Champions and the most decorated tag team of all time.  It might not have the marquee value of 2002, but this is one of the best years for talent acquisitions of all time and has to beat anything else for second place.

Monday Night Raw
Date: June 14, 1999
Location: Centrum, Worcester, Massachusetts
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

So everything has changed (again) with Vince McMahon being revealed as the Higher Power. Yes believe it or not, Vince is the big bad all over again and he’s fighting against CEO Steve Austin, who is right there to balance him out. We’re also coming up on King of the Ring and that means things could get even nuttier than usual in a hurry. Let’s get to it.

I’ve already covered the June 7 show (it’s a big one) and you can check it out right here.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/03/monday-night-raw-june-7-1999-the-higher-power-revealed/

We open with a recap of last week’s events, followed by a look at what Vince put his family (mainly Stephanie, even back then) through to stick it to Austin.

Austin has officially taken over Vince’s corporate parking spot.

Opening sequence.

Earlier today, Austin went to the corporate headquarters. After telling a bunch of people with wheelbarrows to hang on a second, he goes in to talk to his secretary. He’s not happy with how she answers the phone and wants it to be “who the h*** is this and what the h*** do you want?” Austin shows her how it’s done and tells whoever it is that he’s fired Vince. She can barely keep from laughing and likes the new direction.

Here’s the Corporate Ministry (with its more than ten members) for a chat. Vince couldn’t believe that there could be anything worse than Steve Austin as the WWF Champion but now he’s the WWF CEO. Last week was supposed to be the culmination of three months of the greatest plan in the history of the company, but sometimes plans go awry (ignore the fact that the plan was to get the title off of Austin and have Vince in control, WHICH WAS ALREADY THE CASE THREE MONTHS AGO).

There are some who think the Corporate Ministry is going to dissolve but that’s not happening tonight. They’re setting their sights on the future, starting at the King of the Ring. Austin has challenged Vince and Shane to a handicap match so the McMahons accept, albeit with a stipulation. They’ve been debating various things and Vince likes a Dog Pound match. What’s a Dog Pound match? Well that would be a dog collar match and we’ll see one tonight between Road Dogg and Billy Gunn.

Shane thinks King of the Ring is like David vs. Goliath, so let’s have a David vs. Goliath match tonight with X-Pac vs. Big Show. As for the handicap idea, let’s have the Acolytes vs. Kane. Vince has one more idea for the Austin match: a Blind Date match, which means a blindfold match tonight between Test (blindfolded) vs. Big Boss Man, who will be able to see clearly. Or maybe King of the Ring should be a straitjacket match. We can preview that with Ken Shamrock in the straitjacket against Jeff Jarrett.

This brings out Pat Patterson and Gerald Brisco with Pat asking why Vince is going so nuts over Stephanie (Patterson’s goddaughter) dating Test. Pat says Vince and Shane can go to h*** and Brisco tells them to get their own coffee on the way. Vince puts them in a match against Mideon and Viscera. My goodness this is the Russoiest opening segment Russo ever put together. How many gimmick matches were just thrown together by the evil heel stable who were in cahoots the whole time?

Debut of the Rock’s Chef Boyardee ad.

Back at the office, Austin meets Vince’s aides but has them all bring him beer. One tells him that there’s a board meeting in five minutes but he doesn’t like board games.

Road Dogg vs. Billy Gunn

Dog pound match, which is a dog collar match under a different name because it makes Russo think he’s smart. Dogg is ready to fight but here’s Gunn in a neck brace, which JR says he didn’t see earlier today. The threat of Kane coming out scares Gunn enough to reveal that he was faking (that would be a ten second angle) so Gunn decks Dogg in the face with the chain and chokes him over the rope.

Another chain to the head gets two despite the bell never ringing. Dogg, the only one with the collar on, punches away and gets in a chain shot of his own, but here’s for the save. A chain to Dogg’s crotch is enough to set up the Fameasser for the pin. Gimmick with a different name, fake injury, not adhering to the rules, interference, low blow for the win. Why yes it is 1999.

Post match Chyna chokes with the chain and leaves Dogg laying. Oh and Gunn pulls down his pants to reveal the thong because it’s funny I guess.

Shamrock arrives and is told that he’ll be chaperoned by cops.

We look back at last week’s Rock vs. HHH cast match with Undertaker running in and beating Rock down.

Here’s Rock (it’s so strange to hear something other than IF YOU SMELL at the start of his song) for a chat. Rock talks about Undertaker coming out here and rolling his eyes back in his head. Is that supposed to impress Rock? What would really impress him is a title match with Undertaker at King of the Ring.

Rock tells Undertaker what he can do with his head and eyes but here’s Undertaker (with Paul Bearer holding the mic for him) to say that sing-a-long time is over. The match is on and the rhyme time is over. Since that’s too easy, here are Vince and Shane to say hang on a minute. Vince thinks the only electrifying things about Rock are his shirts so Rock has to win a non-title match tonight to earn the shot. What in the world was scheduled for this show coming in? That’s what, five matches announced tonight?

We’re STILL not done yet though as Shane says there will be a stipulation for the match…which we’ll find out five minutes before it starts. In other words, they probably don’t know what it was yet and Russo needs to invent something BRILLIANT BRO to really make it great.

Jeff Jarrett and Debra are walking through the back when someone runs by carrying a chain. This seems to have nothing to do with anything else.

Women’s Title: Ivory vs. Debra

Debra is defending with Jarrett at ringside. They waste no time in starting the catfight and JR admits that it won’t be any good. Cue Nicole Bass less than ten seconds in and Ivory chokes with his scarf. Debra does it as well so Jarrett gets on the apron for no logical reason, allowing Bass to chokeslam Debra, giving Ivory the pin and the title.

Back at headquarters, Austin throws out copies of a magazine about himself and beer. He fires a vice president for looking stupid and replaces him with a mail room clerk. His new job: having a beer ready for Austin on demand. Austin meets his computer guy but we’re going to have a beer drinking contest, straight out of Austin’s briefcase full of beer. He’s going to leave now, and if you’re still standing when he gets back, you still have a job.

During the break, Patterson tried to leave but Brisco told him to stay and fight.

Test vs. Big Boss Man

Test is blindfolded and Boss Man isn’t. You get the idea: Boss Man hits him, Test can’t see, a tackle takes Boss Man down, a nightstick shot disqualifies Boss Man less than a minute in.

Post match Stephanie comes in to call Boss Man off and he relents.

Austin went in to Human Resources and found a guy in an Austin tie. He sends one of the specialists off to get him beer and tells the guy to read the magazine (an orientation manual) because he might come back for a quiz. Maybe a question like what does Austin 3:16 means. The guy knows what it means so Austin gives him some charisma lessons and they go off for further adventures.

X-Pac vs. Big Show

Believe it or not, there’s no stipulation. Hang on though as Big Show says this isn’t happening. X-Pac says yes it is because he’s a man who fights for a living. A single kick earns X-Pac a trip to the floor and here’s Kane less than ten seconds in. Kane takes X-Pac’s place but X-Pac wants to do it. That earns him a right hand from Kane but X-Pac kicks him down as well. Kane knocks Show outside so Show walks away as this was a segment instead of a match.

Shamrock gets put in the straitjacket and promises to beat up everyone who put him in.

Recap of the Austin shenanigans.

Recap of the opening segment.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Ken Shamrock

Non-title with Shamrock in a straitjacket. Shamrock is wearing pants and wrestling boots with the jacket for a very weird visual. A knee bar and triangle choke with the legs only have Jarrett in trouble and Shamrock takes him down with something like the ankle lock in a rather impressive display. A shoulder block sets up a choke with the legs to make Jarrett tap clean. So yeah, Shamrock just made the Intercontinental Champion tap clean while wearing a straitjacket.

Post match Vince comes in and steals the key for the straitjacket.

On GTV, Billy Gunn is getting a certain area shaved but there’s a blemish. No one can know about this. I’m sure someone found this hilarious.

Pat Patterson/Gerald Brisco vs. Mideon/Viscera

The Stooges coming out to Real American gets me every time. They both grab chairs but here’s the Mean Street Posse to lay them out. Mideon and Viscera come in for the big beatdown.

Austin goes to accounting and wants to see some numbers. There are some losses, mainly due to things Austin has done over the years. Some of Vince’s salary is going to Mick Foley for medical bills and Shane’s salary is now the beer budget.

Tag Team Titles: Kane vs. Acolytes

Kane is challenging on his own. The fight starts on the floor with Kane sending Faarooq inside where Bradshaw has to make a save. Bradshaw comes in and takes a side slam followed by the top rope clothesline. They head outside with Kane being sent into various things before pummeling him inside. Faarooq gets caught by the throat but Bradshaw gets in some chair shots, setting up a belly to back suplex/neckbreaker combination for the pin.

Rating: D. How bad is it that this was the best match of the night? They didn’t have much time but they had more than a minute and a half and there was no stupid gimmick to make the whole thing a waste of time. At least they didn’t have the champs lose clean either, which is more than Jarrett can say.

Post match X-Pac comes in to save Kane from a worse beating.

Austin has manure brought into Vince’s office to improve the smell.

Here are Vince and Shane to take issue with the manure and announce the stipulation. At King of the Ring, we’re going to take the combined power from all three of them and hang it above the ring for a ladder match. As for tonight, Rock’s stipulation…will have to wait as here’s a free Shamrock to suplex Shane and send Vince running.

During the break, Vince left the arena.

Undertaker vs. The Rock

Hang on though as we have a stipulation.

Undertaker vs. HHH vs. The Rock

Non-title. They waste no time with the double teaming with Rock being sent outside

and over the announcers’ table. Back in and Undertaker punches away for two as we’re waiting on the issues or the interference. Rock’s right hands don’t get him very far and the jumping knee to the face cuts him off again. They fight up the ramp with Rock punching away to a little avail but Undertaker uppercuts him down.

It’s back to ringside as Rock gets double teamed even more, this time with some stomps from HHH. Back in and more right hands set up Old School but HHH accidentally crotches Undertaker (because STAND OVER THERE is too complicated) and gets catapulted into the corner. Naturally that’s a ref bump (in a No DQ match) but Undertaker is back in with a chokeslam.

Rock pops up and sends them into each other though, setting up a Rock Bottom and the People’s Elbow (knocking HHH off the apron in the process) for no count. Another referee comes in for two with Chyna making the save. The first referee counts two with HHH making another save but Chyna trips Undertaker by mistake. Undertaker goes after Chyna so HHH makes the save, earning a Stunner over the ropes. The Rock Bottom gives Rock the pin and the title shot.

Rating: D+. It was just a brawl for the most part and that’s not enough to really make something like this work. You knew that Rock was going to win here but I’m not sure if I like the lack of interference or general screwiness or not. While it’s nice to see something actually go a little bit calmer, it was expected the whole way and then never went down. That’s a little disappointing.

Post match Undertaker yells at Chyna so HHH steps in and a fight ends the show.

Overall Rating: D-. The Russo Train is still rolling along with a series of gimmick matches to set up another gimmick match at King of the Ring. Of course very little was actually done for King of the Ring but this time was always about the TV. However, the TV was pretty terrible with nothing worthwhile in the ring and only some moderately amusing bits with Austin. In other words, it may have been fun at the time when you never knew where things were going but it really, really doesn’t hold up.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the NXT The Full Sail Years Volume III (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/05/25/new-book-nxt-the-full-sail-years-from-dallas-to-new-orleans/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Wrestlemania XVI
Date: April 2, 2000
Location: Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, California
Attendance: 19,776
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

In addition to the four way title match, there are two other multi-man matches of note. First, Kurt Angle will be defending his Intercontinental and European Titles in back to back triple threat matches (considered one match with two falls) against Chris Benoit and Chris Jericho. Other than that, the tag division is getting a big boost with the Hardy Boyz, the Dudley Boyz (also recent arrivals) and Edge and Christian in the first ever triangle ladder match for the Tag Team Titles. Let’s get to it.

One last note: this show marks the return to the 3+ hour shows after years of under three hours.

Lillian Garcia sings the heck out of the National Anthem, as she always does.

The opening video focuses on the history of Wrestlemania for a few moments before jumping into the four way main event. They make sure to mention the McMahon in every corner and how it’s all about the four of them. This was a major problem with the match which we’ll get to later but it’s certainly true.

Godfather/D’Lo Brown vs. Big Boss Man/Bull Buchanan

Godfather is now a full on pimp and Brown is his partner in good guy crime. Buchanan is an athletic big man and Boss Man’s protege who never went beyond the low midcard. Ice T raps Brown and Godfather to the ring with a song called Pimp or Die. Of note: one of the Godfather’s women clearly falls down as she reaches ringside with the camera catching her going down. Godfather gives his usual speech about pimping nationwide and tells us to light up our blunts and say pimpin ain’t easy. This was quite the different time as you might be able to tell.

Brown and Buchanan get things going with D’Lo kicking him in the face and Godfather clotheslining an invading Boss Man. Godfather, in his shiny silver top, comes in for the spinning legdrop. A hook kick puts Boss Man down for two before it’s back to Buchanan and Brown with Bull doing his awesome run up the corner into a spinning top rope clothesline. Unfortunately that’s about the extent of his good moves so it’s back to Boss Man for two off an uppercut.

Lawler continues to oogle the lady in red as Brown keeps taking his beating. A cross body goes badly for D’Lo and JR compares it to a fair catch in the XFL. JR: “Which won’t exist.” Godfather shakes the ropes to crotch Buchanan and Brown brings him down with a top rope hurricanrana. The hot tag brings in Godfather for some house cleaning and everything breaks down, allowing Boss Man to hit his namesake slam, followed by a guillotine legdrop (and a good one) from Buchanan for the pin at 9:05.

Rating: D. Buchanan’s stuff looked good but who thought it was a good idea to have the heels, especially these heels, win the opening match? The length didn’t help this either. Godfather was starting to outlive his usefulness as an opening act at this point, partially due to the Parents Television Council complaining about the adult nature of the character. This would lead to a major change of pace for Godfather, which we’ll get to later on.

HHH and Women’s Champion Stephanie are loving life in the back.

Earlier today, the referees held a conference with all the participants in the hardcore battle royal. The title had been defended 24/7 with title matches taking place at any given time and in any given place. For tonight though, the rule is only enforced for the fifteen minute time limit. After that time comes to an end, the last person to pin the champion leaves with the title.

Hardcore Title: Hardcore Battle Royal

Tazz, Crash Holly, Hardcore Holly, Viscera, Joey Abs, Rodney, Pete Gas, Taka Michinoku, Funaki, Thrasher, Mosh, Faarooq, Bradshaw

Crash (Hardcore’s cousin) is defending coming in, meaning he has to be pinned or made to submit for the title to change hands in the first place. Tazz is still the Human Suplex Machine here a fierce guy despite his smaller stature. Funaki is Taka’s partner in Kai En Tai. It’s a big brawl to start with only Tazz and Crash staying in the ring. A suplex makes Tazz champion in 24 seconds, and yes these title reigns are all official. Viscera rams Tazz into the post and slams him down for the pin at 1:00.

The Mean Street Posse gets together for some weapon shots to Viscera to almost no avail. Crash is already busted open. The Acolytes beat Viscera up instead and everyone else beats on each other. Funaki hits Mosh with a box fan and Bradshaw cleans house with a cookie sheet. Some people finally start going after Viscera but he easily kicks out. We’re under ten minutes now and Pete Gas is bleeding too.

Viscera holds court in the ring with the cookie sheets but goes up top for no logical reason. The Acolytes destroy Kai En Tai with Taka taking a wicked powerbomb before going over to slam Viscera down. Some 2×4 shots to the back and a top rope shoulder from Bradshaw allows them to throw Kai En Tai on top, giving Funaki the pin at 7:51. Taka immediately goes after his partner but Funaki is suddenly the smartest man in the match as he runs away. The Posse catches up to him though and Rodney throws him against a wall for the pin and the title at 8:11 in his only televised pinfall.

Joey runs in with a gutwrench suplex for the pin and the title at 8:24. Thrasher clotheslines Joey for the title at 8:46. Thrasher tries to run away but gets attacked by a bunch of people with a weapon each. Somehow he survives though, only to get sprayed with a fire extinguisher by Pete Gas for the pin and the title at 9:29. That would be Pete’s second and final pin on TV.

With just under five minutes left, Tazz grabs a suplex for the pin at 10:17. Hardcore immediately sends him into the steps for two but Mosh decks Hardcore from behind. Probably out of instinct, Tazz covers Mosh for two. Tazz fights both Holly cousins inside as Bradshaw beats up the Posse out of pure principle. We have two minutes left and the cousins start trying to pin Tazz and Hardcore’s dropkick gets two. Crash hits Tazz in the head with a cookie sheet for the pin and the title at 14:20 but Tazz is right up with the Tazmission (his signature choke).

Hardcore comes back in with a candy jar to bust over Tazz’s head (and getting a piece of glass in his eye, though Tazz was fine.) and covers Crash but the ending is screwed up. Hardcore was supposed to have him beaten as the time expired but he came in early, meaning the referee has to stop the count for no good reason. Not that it matters as Hardcore is declared the new champion at 15:00 to end the match.

Rating: D+. Well that certainly happened. This really needed to have about five minutes cut out as you can only get into people hitting each other with the same weapons for so long (a lesson they would take two years to learn). The rapid fire title changes and stuff like the Posse trading the title was fine but this started dragging in the middle. Crash would get the title back the next night to fix the error at the end.

Long Axxess video.

Al Snow is in a bathroom and talking to someone we can’t see. His partner Steve Blackman comes in to say play it serious tonight. They comprise the team of Head Cheese because Snow has Head and…..well what else would you call them?

Head Cheese vs. T&A

T&A are Test and Albert (a big bald power guy) with the recently debuted Trish Stratus (when she was in even better shape than when she was in her peak years) as their manager. Snow brings out the man from the bathroom: the team’s new mascot Chester McCheeserton, a guy in a cheese costume. The audio starts crackling and JR’s microphone goes out for a bit (Lawler is very happy) as Blackman kicks Test in the face to start.

Snow comes in and gets double teamed until it’s off to Blackman to trade shoulders with Albert. Everything breaks down for a bit as the fans are just quiet here. You can see a lot of empty seats where people are getting popcorn during this match and I can’t blame them. Albert gets in trouble as the cheese goes after Trish who rightfully ignores him. Blackman’s middle rope headbutt gets two as Lawler calls the cheese Chester the Molester. A butterfly suplex finally gets Albert out of trouble and it’s off to Test for two off a side slam.

Albert comes back in for a big double powerbomb on Al as JR is using his code (“These styles are clashing” and “It’s bowling shoe ugly”) to say this match is horrible. Snow drops a middle rope leg on Test but Albert saves to keep this mess going. The Baldo Bomb (chokebomb) puts Snow on the floor and Albert gorilla presses Blackman, setting up Test’s top rope elbow for the pin at 7:03.

Rating: F. This match is in the running for the worst match in Wrestlemania history. The joke before the match was terrible, the match was AWFUL, the story was non-existent and the silence from the fans who stayed in the arena was eerie. Other than Trish, I saw nothing good about this and no redeeming value. It’s a total failure all around.

Post match Head Cheese beats up Chester in a really mean and out of character attack. The team didn’t go anywhere or last long in case you weren’t sure.

We get the comedy spot of the show with female wrestler the Kat in her dressing room but her veteran manager Mae Young keeps putting various things in front of various parts of Kat. I’m sure you get the joke.

D-Von Dudley thinks this ladder match is another way for the WWF to hold the Dudleyz down. Bubba, still with a thick southern accent, promises to take Wrestlemania and the ladder match to a new level of violence. His stutter kicks in right before he can drop an F bomb.

Tag Team Titles: Edge and Christian vs. Hardy Boyz vs. Dudley Boyz

These three teams have been feuding with each other for months. Edge and Christian and the Hardyz had a great ladder match last year so why not add the Dudleyz (defending here) and make it a three way ladder match? Officially this is a triangle ladder match but it’s really just Tables, Ladders and Chairs (TLC) before the TLC match was named.

Everyone brawls to start and it’s going to be almost impossible to keep track of everything going on. Jeff takes Bubba out with the Whisper in the Wind but gets caught in the Bubba Bomb. Christian brings in the first ladder but Matt makes the save. All six get inside and a second ladder is loaded up.

Instead of climbing though, both challenging teams put a ladder over a Dudley in the corners, only to have the Hardyz take out Edge and Christian. Jeff puts Bubba on the ladder but Bubba avoids the 450 for the first big crash. Bubba one ups Jeff by putting the ladder onto Jeff and hitting his middle rope backsplash with his own head crashing into the ladder.

Christian puts a ladder on Matt so Edge can ride another ladder down to crush Matt. With everyone else down, Bubba puts a ladder around his own head and spins around to blast everyone not named D-Von in the face. Edge and Christian dropkick the ladder to take over though before nailing D-Von as well. Christian dives off a ladder to take out Matt and Bubba, leaving Edge to spear Jeff off a ladder.

Now it’s D-Von going up so Christian just throws a ladder at him for the save. A HUGE Bubba Cutter brings Christian down and now the fans are understanding what they’re in for with this one. The Hardys’ legdrop/splash combo from the ladders brings the people to their feet again as the match starts to slow down a bit due to all of the crashing.

A double superplex off the ladder brings D-Von down, leaving Edge and Christian and the Hardys to climb two ladders, only to knock each other off for some huge crashes. There’s not much else you can do here aside from just listing spots as it’s one big move after another. Now all six go up on three ladders with Jeff and Christian falling all the way down to the floor (with NOTHING to catch them). Bubba goes down as well and ever the spoiled sport, he shoves the other two ladders and all three other guys down against the ropes.

The Dudleyz are left alone so they pick up the ladders and crush Christian, who somehow can still walk. 3D takes Edge down (thankfully not onto a ladder) and now it’s table time. Why the Dudleyz need those isn’t clear but why let common sense get in the way of your gimmick. To crank things up though, the Dudleyz put a table on top of two ladders like a scaffold. Another pair of tables is set under the scaffold but D-Von’s headbutt misses Jeff and only hits table.

Bubba keeps his team’s fortunes up by powerbombing Matt off the announcers’ table and through another ladder at ringside. Jeff gets up and tries to run across the barricade as is his custom but Bubba pelts a ladder at him. There’s something to cringe worthy about someone flying through the air and crashing into a big piece of metal.

Now we start the tradition of the huge ladder, which is set up on the floor and is almost as high as the ones in the ring. Jeff is laid out in front of it but Christian hits Bubba in the head with the bell, allowing Jeff to go for a climb. With nothing to lose (save for most of the bones in his spine), Jeff Swantons off the ladder for one of the biggest crashes ever up to this point. The wide shot makes it look even better and the fans are rightfully stunned.

Back in the ring, Christian and Matt climb onto the scaffold but Edge shoves Matt off and through the last table in the ring. The table almost explodes as Matt crashes through it and the fans are fired up all over again as Edge and Christian pull down the titles for their first championship at 22:25.

Rating: A-. This was a different kind of match than these three teams would have later on as they were just going from spot to spot here without the flow that they would have. However, this is still an amazing spectacle that got the fans into things once they gave it a chance to get going. This was ALL about going higher and higher with each step, but they didn’t know how high they could go yet. Later the matches would be about seeing how high they could take it and the results would be pure carnage. Here it’s more about fitting stuff in but it’s still an awesome match.

Mick Foley (not Mankind or Cactus Jack) is with Linda and says that this is the biggest match on the biggest show of the year so it’s the biggest match of his life. Fairy tales can come true and it could happen to HHH, Rock and Big Show, BUT IT WON’T because it’s happening to him.

JR and Lawler rave about the ladder match.

Terri Runnels vs. The Kat

This is billed as a catfight and is more about the managers (Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young respectfully) than the wrestlers. Val Venis is the referee (sporting a referee towel instead of shirt) and you win by throwing your opponent to the floor, making it a two man battle royal. They’re not even trying to hide the fact that this is just a cool down match after the previous war. These two don’t really have a reason for fighting other than being catty with each other.

Before the match, Venis does one of his signature innuendo laden promo, talking about how he and Wrestlemania are both extravaganzas that get your blood pumping, but Wrestlemania only comes once a year. Both women are in see thru bodysuits with bikinis underneath. Kat’s is made of fishnet, thereby making her Lawler’s favorite.

They brawl to start until Val breaks it up, only to have both of them kiss him. Kat spears her down but Mae gets on the apron to try to flash Val. Terri is thrown to the floor but the referee doesn’t see it, meaning it’s time for Mae to kiss Val as well. Both girls actually in the match fall outside but Moolah throws Terri back inside for the win at 2:26. Total mess of course, but at least they didn’t try to hide what they were doing here.

Mae gives Moolah a Bronco Buster post match and Kat strips Terri.

Wrestlemania XVII will be in Houston.

The Radicalz (minus Chris Benoit) are ready for the six person tag but Eddie is too busy checking his hair to impress Chyna.

Too Cool (Grandmaster Sexay and Scotty 2 Hotty, formerly Too Much) and Chyna are ready too.

Radicalz vs. Too Cool/Chyna

It’s Guerrero/Malenko/Saturn here. Eddie has been hitting on Chyna lately so she got some help and it’s time for a tag match. Too Cool has gone from jokes to a nice surprise as a midcard act due to getting over and the company giving them a chance. That is almost blasphemy today. Chyna has her fireworks bazooka which was actually pretty cool.

Eddie and Scotty get things going as the fans are all over Guerrero, likely due to him knocking off Scotty’s hat. It’s quickly off to Chyna, sending Eddie crawling over on his knees to grab Malenko’s legs. JR says Chyna looks hot, which is very outside of his standard character. A double suplex puts Dean down and it’s time for Chyna to dance. Now it’s Grandmaster suplexing Eddie down but Saturn breaks up the Hip Hop Drop (top rope legdrop).

Saturn goes even more evil by stealing Grandmaster’s bandana, which just makes Grandmaster look stupid. Scotty comes in and is quickly hot shotted to keep the Radicalz in control. The fans only care about Eddie and Chyna here and Guerrero soaks it all up like the master he was. Grandmaster’s interference only works for a bit and Scotty busts out a double Worm, followed by Saturn kicking him in the face.

Saturn (barely) hits a top rope elbow but Eddie gets superplexed, finally allowing the hot tag to Chyna. House is quickly cleaned and a double low blow gets rid of Saturn and Malenko. Chyna is barely able to powerbomb Eddie so she grabs him between the legs and gorilla presses him while trying to keep the side of her tights from splitting any further. A quick sleeper drop puts Eddie away at 9:39.

Rating: C-. Watchable but mostly average match with the fans only caring about Eddie vs. Chyna, which was quite the hot story around this time. Things would pick up even more the next night as Chyna suddenly fell for the Latino Heat and hooked up with Eddie for months. This was an acceptable use of ten minutes, if nothing else as a way to advance the Eddie vs. Chyna story.

Some fans won a trip to Wrestlemania.

Shane and Big Show say they’ll win and that it’s Game Over.

Earlier tonight, Kurt Angle beat up Bob Backlund for suggesting that he defend both titles. This goes nowhere.

Angle asks for some extra security for his victory celebration and offers the guard autographs if he does it. Smug Angle was pure gold and one of the most genuinely hilarious characters the company has ever had. He was such a goofy dork but he sold the whole thing as well as anyone could have done. The in ring abilities made it even better but the character made Angle greater than anything he did in a match.

Intercontinental Title/European Title: Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit vs. Chris Jericho

This is a two fall match with Angle defending the Intercontinental Title first and the European Title second. The three of them have been feuding for months with Angle taking the Intercontinental Title from Jericho last month at No Way Out 2000. Before the match, Jericho says he can’t guarantee that he’ll walk out a champion but he can guarantee that Benoit and Angle will have bumps and bruises from a Y2J beating that they will never EVER forget again. So they’ll forget it at least once?

Angle gets chopped down to start as Lawler calls Backlund an idiot for setting this up. Jericho’s springboard dropkick is broken up by Benoit so Jericho dropkicks them both outside at the same time. Angle gets in his first offense with a flapjack to send Jericho into the steps. Back in and Benoit trades suplexes with Angle as Lawler channels Bobby Heenan by praising Angle for everything.

Jericho goes up again and Benoit shoves him down again, making me think that Jericho needs to adjust his strategy. He tries ANOTHER dropkick from the ropes, this time getting two on Angle as Benoit makes the save. A camel clutch on Benoit doesn’t get Jericho anywhere so he goes back to Angle, only to get caught in the crossface chickenwing. Jericho starts to fade but Benoit comes back in and throws Angle to the floor. A quick Swan Dive is good for the pin on Jericho, giving Benoit the Intercontinental Title at 7:56.

Angle is all ticked off and starts erupting with suplexes to Benoit, only to have Jericho break up the moonsault. Benoit belly to back superplexes Jericho down and rolls away from a great looking moonsault to leave all three guys down. Back up and it’s Jericho taking over with a forearm and spinwheel kick, followed by the double powerbomb (one powerbomb after another without breaking his grip) to Angle.

Benoit is right back in with the rolling Germans for two on Jericho. Angle takes a German of his own and the referee counts even though Kurt’s shoulder is WAY off the mat. What a patriot. Benoit makes Jericho tap to the Crossface but the ref got bumped. Serves him right for trying to cheat an American hero. Just like everyone else, Benoit lets go of the hold instead of doing as much damage to Jericho as possible. Angle avoids another Swan Dive but Jericho is right back up with a Lionsault for the pin on Benoit and the European Title at 13:48 total.

Rating: B. This is quite the concept and there’s no way any combination of these three can go wrong. It’s also a very efficient way to get both titles off Angle without having him, the hottest prospect of them all, get pinned or have to tap out. Also well done on not having the standard triple threat formula and just letting everyone fight at the same time with the guys being down for logical reasons instead of the script calling for it. Good match, good idea, very good execution. What more can you ask for?

Vince says that Rock is very confident that Rock will win tonight. Rock however isn’t there with him. Vince guarantees to make it right tonight. You can see the swerve coming from here.

HHH promises Stephanie that he won’t allow himself to be beaten tonight.

X-Pac/Road Dogg vs. Rikishi/Kane

Rikishi is finally in his most famous gimmick and near his highest popularity. Kane has the always awesome inverted color scheme for his attire and Paul Bearer in his corner. X-Pac and Road Dogg, the once again heel DX, have Tori (now a hot valet) with them. Tori left Kane for X-Pac and this is the result with the many showdowns coming later. Kane goes after Tori to start and Road Dogg gets an early Stink Face.

Tori has to be saved from the same fate and DX’s attempt to leave fails. We settle down and X-Pac gets in a Bronco Buster on Rikishi before it’s off to Road Dogg for the dancing punches. Rikishi shrugs them off and brings in Kane for the big monster offense, but Kane goes after Tori instead. The Stink Face works this time and Kane Tombstones X-Pac for the pin at 4:14.

Rating: D. The match was bad but there’s another reason this is happening which we’ll get to in a few seconds. Rikishi was helping fight DX so he fit in here, but this was little more than filler. Kane’s attire and Tori as a good blonde there to look good and make you hate X-Pac even more worked fine.

Post match Too Cool and the San Diego Chicken come out to dance. Kane doesn’t buy it but the Chicken dances a lot better than you would expect from Rose. After they’re done, Kane goes after the Chicken but Pete Rose runs in with the ball bat, only to get chokeslammed, followed by a Stink Face to end this saga once and for all. Well until Rose showed up on Raw about ten years later. Rose certainly did whatever he needed to do and turned this one idea into an awesome three year running joke.

Rock talks about going through everything in the last year to get back to Wrestlemania to reclaim his title. All the chokeslams, all the Mandible Claws and all the Pedigrees are worth it because he has one more shot to become champion. This is the intense Rock and it works almost as well as the funny version. He skips the eyebrow though.

Martin Short, Michael Clarke Duncan and French Stewart are here.

Again no official recap, but HHH retired Foley, Rock won the Rumble and Show proved that he really won the Rumble.

WWF World Title: Mick Foley vs. Big Show vs. The Rock vs. HHH

Elimination rules and No DQ. HHH is defending and we’ve got a rare occurrence of all four McMahons in one place. Rock and Vince come out together here for their first appearance together tonight. Show and Rock pair off while Foley pounds the champ down in the corner with some fast punches. With Rock down in the corner, Show runs the other two over with a double clothesline. Show can’t pick which guy to beat up so Foley jumps on his back, giving us a repeat of last year’s spot with Show falling backwards to crush Foley’s ribs.

Mick is right back up to break up a chokeslam to HHH (why would he do that?) and it’s a triple team on Big Show. Three straight clotheslines put the giant down but HHH just can’t work with Foley that long and a fight breaks out again. Show kicks Rock in the face but Foley hits Show in the back with a chair, knocking him into the Rock Bottom for the pin to get rid of the giant at 4:50. What a worthless addition Show was.

The three remaining guys all stare at each other and it’s HHH trying to strike a deal with both of them. Rock actually goes for it before nailing HHH from behind and the double teaming is on. They all head outside where Rock accidentally hits Foley with the bell, making Lawler even happier than in the women’s match earlier. Rock isn’t as strong as you would think though as Foley is up just a few seconds later….and he has a 2×4 wrapped in barbed wire. HHH low blows him to take it away though and hits Foley in the ribs but AGAIN Foley doesn’t seem in that much trouble.

This time it’s the Mandible Claw on HHH, who turns into a belt shot from Rock. The People’s Elbow is broken up by a Mandible Claw to Rock but the champ low blows them both to put all three down. Foley’s double arm DDT gets two on Rock and Rock’s single arm version gets the same with HHH making the save for some reason. Mick and HHH actually work together on Rock with Foley’s knee lift getting two (No save from HHH, making Rock look more like a threat than Foley, who HHH believes he can beat. That’s a nice touch.).

The double teaming continues on the floor but Rock whips Mick knees first into the steps. Foley pops up for the third time though and nails Rock with the steps. HHH loads up the Spanish announcers’ table and has Foley go to the middle rope for the elbow….which is left about three feet short, sending him ribs first into the table in a very sad sight. HHH has to drop about three elbows to put Rock through the table before taking Foley inside for the Pedigree……for two? JR: “HE DID IT!” A BIG chair to the head sets up the second Pedigree (with Foley collapsing) for the pin at 19:40, sending Foley into retirement for four years.

Foley takes one last bow but comes back to the ring for one good barbed wire 2×4 shot to HHH’s head (busting him open) to go out on. Somehow that’s only good for two for Rock so let’s go outside again. Rock beats him up in front of the Titantron and takes it back to ringside. HHH swings a chair to knock the steps into Rock’s face, followed by a piledriver onto the steps. This is the main event of Wrestlemania though so it’s finishers or rollups only, meaning Rock kicks out at two again.

The Pedigree is broken up and they go into the crowd for more time killing brawling. Back to ringside again with Rock suplexing the champ through the announcers’ table and it’s time for more waiting. HHH is up first but Vince sends him into the post, only to have Shane (why is he still here?) hit his dad from behind. Well you knew this was coming. A big monitor shot to the head knocks Vince silly but he’s up after a ridiculous TWENTY THREE SECONDS. Vince just got hit in the head with a monitor and he’s up and going after Shane in less than thirty seconds. Who is this match supposed to showcase again?

Shane opts for a chair shot to the head and this time Vince stays down, even shedding some blood. We FINALLY go back to the match with Rock DDTing HHH, drawing Stephanie’s ridiculous looking bug eyes. The barbed wire board to Rock’s head stuns him but he’s still able to catapult HHH into Shane. HHH walks into the Rock Bottom but here’s Vince to punch Shane….and then hit Rock with a chair because SWERVE! Rock kicks out at two so Vince hits him in the head with the chair again, giving HHH the pin to retain at 36:31. That’s the first time a heel has left Wrestlemania as champion.

Rating: C+. Oh man this is a rough one. Above all else, the McMahons. They started off as background noise but by the end they were the only things that mattered here as it turned into yet another Vince/Shane/Stephanie drama, which had been the big story for the last year in one form or another. They pretty much gave away the Vince turn earlier and that doesn’t help an already bad idea.

That leaves us with the match itself, which really isn’t very good. The problem here is that they clearly spend so much time laying around and filling in time because the match goes longer than it should. Now that being said, it’s still Rock vs. HHH for eighteen minutes after Rock vs. HHH vs. Foley for about fifteen minutes so the action is at least watchable. The problem is there’s not enough action or excitement.

There were barely any near falls or moments of drama once it got down to one on one. You have the cover after Foley left (not happening), the piledriver on the steps (maybe) and the first chair shot from Vince (good near fall). You really need more than that in a long match, especially with all this other drama that really adds nothing on the outside. What you have instead is a lot of brawling, a lot of selling (fine, but not when it’s selling on the floor with no drama) and a lot of being on the floor or in the crowd. The action was good but it was bogged down by too much other stuff.

So how do you fix it? You have Rock vs. HHH instead of the four way. I understand the idea here but it’s not the kind of match to end Wrestlemania. If you want to do the four way, do it at Backlash where the pressure is gone and go with the big title win here. Foley not being around would have been a loss, but the match would have been better overall, unless you don’t have Rock in the main event here, which would mean changing the booking months before Wrestlemania. The four way was unique but it really didn’t work in this spot, at least not like it needed to do.

Vince and Stephanie reunite but Vince yells at Shane. Rock comes back in to lay out all three of them with Rock Bottoms and a People’s Elbow to Stephanie (to be fair, she slapped him after he beat up Vince and Shane). Rock poses a lot to take us to the highlight package.

Overall Rating: D+. It’s the biggest show of the year in the best year they ever had and I think they just collapsed under the weight. You had two really good matches to carry the show but the main event is more like a disappointing experiment. The rest ranges from bad to wasting time with some bizarre choices like the Head Cheese mess.

The strangest part here is what this led to, as Backlash later in the month would be the show of the year with all the fallout from Wrestlemania, including Rock beating HHH to win the World Title. There are FAR worse Wrestlemanias but this was really more like a commercial for the next few months. Check out the triple threat and the ladder match but just get to the next year’s show otherwise.

Ratings Comparison

Big Boss Man/Bull Buchanan vs. D’Lo Brown/Godfather

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D

Hardcore Battle Royal

Original: C+

2013 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: D+

T&A vs. Head Cheese

Original: F

2013 Redo: D-

2015 Redo: F

Edge and Christian vs. Dudley Boyz vs. Hardy Boyz

Original: B+

2013 Redo: A-

2015 Redo A-

The Kat vs. Terri Runnels

Original: F

2013 Redo: N/A

2015 Redo: N/A

Radicalz vs. Too Cool/Chyna

Original: D

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: C-

Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle vs. Chris Jericho

Original: A

2013 Redo: B+

2015 Redo: B

Rikishi/Kane vs. D-Generation X

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

HHH vs. The Rock vs. Big Show vs. Mick Foley

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: C+

Overall Rating

Original: D

2013 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D+

Not much changes in a few years.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/23/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-16-they-thought-this-was-a-good-idea/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/25/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-xvi-the-worst-show-from-the-best-year/

Remember to check out my new forum at steelcageforums.com, follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: May 31, 1999
Location: Mark of the Quad, Moline, Illinois
Attendance: 9,755
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

So I started running through the 1999 Monday Night Raw shows and got near the end of May….before stopping for about three and a half years. That’s enough time to recharge my batteries so we’ll get back to it here. Undertaker won the WWF World Title eight days ago and everything is about the Corporate Ministry right now. Let’s get to it.

In case you don’t remember that far back, here’s last week’s show (this is a special one)

I’ve already done next week’s show (this is a big one)

We open with a recap of Shane McMahon screwing Steve Austin out of the WWF Title at Over the Edge. That Smoking Skull belt is still cool but doesn’t look right in anyone else’s hands.

Opening sequence.

Here’s the Corporate Ministry and Undertaker has promised that we’ll be meeting the Higher Power tonight. Druids are carrying out Undertaker’s symbol and I forgot how much I don’t like this aspect of the story. Undertaker sends the druids to the floor, leaving only the ten members in the ring. Shane brags about using his right hand to take the title from Austin, even demonstrating his much slower count.

Undertaker talks in a very un-Undertaker like fashion, saying there’s nothing Austin can do about Undertaker being champion. For a bigger deal though, Undertaker has been promising “him” Austin’s mind, body and soul. Tonight the Higher/Greater (it’s used interchangeably) Power will be here and Austin will look into his eyes.

Cue Vince to say he’s going to screw Undertaker tonight. That’s because tonight, Undertaker is defending the title against Steve Austin. Shane says not so fast, because the match can take place but it’s non-title. Vince isn’t done though because he’s going to face Undertaker as well after everything Undertaker has done. Shane is cool with that too and if Vince can win, the match against Austin is for the title. If anyone interferes, Austin NEVER gets another title shot. The Ministry goes to leave but Austin is a druid, triggering a brawl with the Union (Mankind, Test, Ken Shamrock and Big Show) coming in to help.

Post break, Austin yells at the Union for some reason.

Big Show vs. Billy Gunn

Gunn gets TOSSED into the corner for a cool visual to start. A running dropkick to the knee cuts Show down as Gunn shows some rare intelligence. Show is back with a boot to the face though and Gunn walks out before the chokeslam.

Road Dogg jumps Gunn in the aisle and the fight is on with Gunn being sent back inside for the chokeslam.

And now, Beaver Cleavage, the incest character that Russo probably thought was a combination of brilliant and hilarious.

Pat Patterson and Gerald Brisco can’t talk Vince out of fighting Undertaker.

Christian vs. Beaver Cleavage

This is Beaver’s debut and OF COURSE his real first name is Harry. Naturally he comes out in black and white with the video quality going down to resemble a 1950s sitcom. Beaver gets two off a powerslam but Christian gets the same off a facebuster. Some right hands in the corner don’t get Christian far as Beaver drops him face first onto the turnbuckle.

Beaver gets in a good looking springboard clothesline to the floor, which is a positive but doesn’t erase the fact that his name is Harry Beaver Cleavage. Back in and Christian grabs a belly to back suplex, followed by the reverse layout DDT. Cue Michael Hayes and the Hardys with a cane shot to Christian’s head. Beaver’s reverse suplex is good for the pin.

Rating: F. His name is Harry Beaver Cleavage. If that doesn’t explain the rating to you, I don’t know what else to say. What’s so annoying is the guy wasn’t a bad athlete (he was good as Mosh) but the name and gimmick is nothing more than a way to make Russo laugh and that doesn’t make for anything more than a comedy character. Besides, it’s not funny.

Christian goes after the Hardys and Hayes but Edge and Gangrel make the save.

Undertaker says no one is standing in his way tonight.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. The Godfather

Godfather is defending in this battle of Hall of Famers. After Godfather does his thing, he mentions that Debra should belong to him (he won her in a match but Jarrett said no). When he wins tonight, Debra rides the Ho Train and everyone sees the puppies. JR: “Of course Jerry Lawler will be supporting the Intercontinental Champion.” Lawler: “LET’S GO GODFATHER!”

Godfather charges into an early knee and a middle rope clothesline keeps him in trouble. A high crossbody gives Jeff two as Lawler wants to open a puppy resort. Godfather is right back up with the Ho Train and a big boot but Debra offers a distraction. The jacket is opened up but one of the Ho’s takes hers off too. The distraction lets Jarrett hit Godfather with Debra’s Women’s Title to get the belt back.

Rating: D. This would be the third match centered around some for of anatomy and that’s getting to be a little hard to take. I can get why this was entertaining when I was eleven, but my goodness it’s getting to be a little hard to take this time around. Jarrett winning the title back is a good idea as Godfather is hardly a long term champion. The fact that this is the fifth title change of the year so far isn’t a good sign though.

Undertaker vs. Vince McMahon

Non-title, though the thought of Vince winning the title is laughable at best. Especially in 1999. Vince doesn’t have any music here, which is a really weird visual. Undertaker wastes no time in slugging away but Paul Bearer accidentally offers a distraction, allowing Vince to get in a low blow. More pummeling of the boss ensues….and Undertaker shoves the referee for a fast DQ.

Austin says he doesn’t need any help.

Here’s Mankind for a chat. It’s time for the Union to get some payback so he wants HHH out here right now. He’d like that match to be hardcore but there’s one more thing that needs to be covered. Mankind has heard about Chyna checking him out in the back. Maybe it’s because of his charm or maybe it’s because of that time she walked in on him in the shower when he was picking up the soap. It was clear that she wanted to touch him in an impure way. Tonight, he’s going to give her a chance to see the merchandise, if you smell where his sock is hiding.

During the break, Big Boss Man jumped Mankind and they’re still fighting when we get back. As luck would have it, Boss Man has a match.

Road Dogg vs. Big Boss Man

Dogg hits him in the head with the microphone but walks into a side slam for two anyway. The Shake Rattle and Roll into the shaky knee drop gives Dogg two but a spinebuster takes him down again. They fight over the nightstick until Boss Man hits him in the head for the DQ. This might as well have been a brawl instead of a match.

Post match the referee takes the nightstick away so Boss Man whips out a chain to choke Dogg.

Shane throws a fit in the back, which presumably has been going on for about ten minutes now.

Tag Team Titles: X-Pac/Kane vs. Acolytes

X-Pac and Kane are defending. Faarooq misses a charge in the corner to start and X-Pac snaps off the kicks to put him down. That means a double tag with Kane sending Bradshaw into the corner without wasting much time. The big clothesline puts Kane on the floor but he’s right back in with the top rope clothesline. I would say that’ll teach Bradshaw but he seems a bit hard headed at times.

Kane tags X-Pac in to Jerry’s shock, because Russo likes to book teams that hate each other. Cue Shane to cheer the Acolytes on as X-Pac’s spinning kick is countered into a slam for two. The second kick connects though and it’s Kane back in to clean house. Faarooq cuts him off with a powerslam but Kane sits up in short order. Shane breaks up the Bronco Buster with a char though and the Clothesline gives Bradshaw the pin on X-Pac.

Rating: D. I’d rather the titles go on a team that actually gets along, even if this feels like another title change for the sake of having a title change. X-Pac and Kane were fine for an oddball tag team but it got really annoying when X-Pac was the giant killer and beating people like Big Show with the still lame X Factor. As usual though, another angle disguised as a match.

GDTV takes us to the bathroom where someone is having some stomach issues, complete with sound effects. D’Lo Brown comes in and it’s Mark Henry having said issues. This has been another unfunny segment that is supposed to make Russo laugh.

Val Venis vs. Ken Shamrock

Venis has Nicole Bass with him in a story I had tried to forget. They trade right hands to start until Val has to bail away from a cross armbreaker. A spinebuster gives Val two but Shamrock gets the same off a DDT. Val slams him down but the Money Shot misses. Cue Jarrett to distract Shamrock though, allowing Val to grab a small package for the pin.

Shamrock destroys Venis post match. Val blames Nicole for the loss…but she can make it up to him.

Undertaker promises to destroy Austin.

HHH vs. Mankind

Hardcore rules. HHH hammers away to start but that’s just not going to work very well against someone like Mankind. They’re quickly into the crowd with Mankind beating the fire out of HHH, who is tossed back over the barricade. There’s a suplex on the floor and Chyna sends Mankind into the steps. The sledgehammer shot only hits the steps so HHH backdrops him onto a chair instead.

A Pedigree on the chair on the floor is countered though with HHH getting catapulted into the post instead. HHH is right back up and knocks Mankind into Chyna into the steps, but it doesn’t seem to cause too much damage. Back in and the Mandible Claw goes on, only to have Chyna hit Mankind low with the hammer. That earns her the Mandible Claw of her own but HHH blasts Mankind in the knee with the hammer for the pin.

Rating: C. These two are always worth a look though the ending is pretty obviously just there to write Mankind off for a bit. That’s all well and good, as Rock and Austin are more than capable of being the top guys who can fight off the evil. It also gives HHH a nice rub as taking out Mankind is something Undertaker never could quite do. Not a bad hardcore match either.

Post match HHH stays on the knee until Rock makes the save. That would be Mankind’s last match until August.

Post break, Mankind is taken away in an ambulance with Test riding with him. Geez that might be worse.

WWF World Title: Undertaker vs. Steve Austin

Undertaker is defending and his symbol is now back on the stage. Austin wastes no time in wrapping the legs around the post, followed by a good crotching. The Thesz press and middle finger elbow are good for two and a clothesline puts Undertaker on the floor. Austin rams him into various things but his piledriver is countered with a backdrop. With Undertaker slugging away, Austin kicks him low (very common move on this show) and they head back inside.

Austin kicks him in the face to block a backdrop (thankfully avoiding the head snapping up) and nails a clothesline. They head outside again with Austin being sent hip first into the post of the steps. A suplex on the floor keeps Austin in trouble but he’s right back with right hands inside. The running crotch attack misses but it’s a Stunner to drop Undertaker. Bearer pulls the referee out so here comes the Ministry for the DQ.

Rating: C-. Much like HHH vs. Mankind, these two are always worth a look, even if they didn’t have anywhere near the same level of chemistry. It’s pretty clear looking back that the title wasn’t changing hands here but at the time, it wasn’t out of the question to see it happening. Then again, a clean (well, clean by 1999 standards) ending wasn’t likely no matter what.

Austin gets tied in the ropes and here comes the Higher Power, of course with his face covered by a robe. He leans over to Austin, pulls open the robe and looks at Austin. The stunned look from Austin takes us out and OF COURSE he never actually said who was under the hood until after the reveal.

Overall Rating: D+. I’ve said it many times but these shows REALLY don’t hold up. Sure they were fun to watch week to week when there was the drama of who would it be (I was glued to the screen the next week to find out who was under the robe) but everything else is just so lame. Above all else though, the horrible names and sex puns. It’s so sophomoric and just flat out not funny that it gets very tiresome after about five minutes.

There is some good stuff on here though and shockingly enough, it’s when you have top stars being able to make something out of this drek. Austin, Undertaker, HHH and Mankind are as good as you would expect and can carry a lot of this nonsense. They’re people who are going to be interesting no matter what they’re doing and it shows here. Next week is ALL drama though and that’s what they were selling here, which helps so much. But yeah, not a strong show here with a lot of Russo’s issues shining through.

Remember to check out my new forum at steelcageforums.com and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: September 16, 1999
Location: Thomas & Mack Center, Las Vegas, Nevada
Attendance: 8,219
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

This is only the fourth episode of the show and there’s a big time main event which we’ll get to soon enough. We’re at the dying end of the Russo Era and that means things are going to be a little big screwy. In other words, expect a lot of stuff going on at once but almost no good wrestling in sight. Let’s get to it.

Earlier today, the referees were on strike. Why do wrestling companies think we care about referees?

Opening sequence, including a shot of Chris Jericho, who had only debuted about five weeks earlier. That’s some fast turnaround.

Cole calls this “the hottest action adventure series” on network TV. Vince must have had a thing about that kind of term around this time.

Here’s Steve Austin to get things going. Cole: “He is sports entertainment personified!” Oh yeah Vince wasn’t happy with something. Austin lost to HHH via DQ on Monday but that’s not it between them by a long shot. When HHH beat on his knees with a chair at Summerslam, he stopped way too early. As long as Austin is walking, he’s going to hunt HHH down like the jacka** he is.

Austin wants a rematch tonight and we might as well make it no holds barred. That’s the easy way, but HHH could go with the hard way and be taken out in a body bag. Cue HHH, flanked by Chyna and a bunch of cops, to respond. HHH says no shot tonight so Austin tells him what the fans are shouting. The title is on the line tonight but Austin isn’t getting the shot. Instead it’s someone of HHH’s choice and Austin has shared the ring with him before. Austin promises to follow him all night long.

Of note: this is your standard opening but, counting the opening sequence, they’re done about nine minutes into the broadcast. You CAN do these things in less than the fifteen to twenty minutes they tend to receive, but they decide to go long with them anyway. And yet people still can’t get TV time.

We see clips of referees getting beaten up.

Tonight: Big Boss Man vs. Al Snow in a PEPPER ON A POLE MATCH! Make your own Russo jokes.

Here’s Shane McMahon to call out Mean Street Posse member Joey Abs. Shane isn’t happy with Joey interfering in Stephanie’s personal life so it’s time to demonstrate some brotherly love.

Shane McMahon vs. Joey Abs

Joey has the rest of the Posse and Terri (a pairing I don’t remember at all) with him. Shane wastes no time in slugging away but the Posse comes in because there are no referees due to the strike. Then who ordered the bell to be rung? Gerald Brisco runs out to referee and counts two off Shane’s rollup.

Joey’s suplex gets the same so Shane elbows him in the jaw, only to have Pete Gas pull Brisco out at two. Somehow Pete gets the better of it but heel miscommunication drops Rodney. Cue Pat Patterson to count two off a small package with Rodney making another save. Shane hits a corkscrew swanton (because of course he does) for the pin with Shawn Stasiak running in as the third referee.

Rating: D. I have a feeling we’ve got a show long storyline here and since it’s about the referees, I have no idea why that’s supposed to be a good thing. WWE has a bad tendency to put focus on people who shouldn’t be getting said focus and that’s what’s going on here. Shane vs. the Posse is in the same boat but at least Shane has charisma.

Stephanie comes out to celebrate with the three referees and Shane as Test, Stephanie’s fiance, looks on. She also kicks Joey low for a bonus.

Internet celebrity Cindy Margolis is shown in the crowd and Women’s Champion Ivory isn’t happy.

Here’s Ivory to talk about all the people she gets to meet as champion. She introduces Margolis and asks for her to get in the ring, which Cindy declines. Ivory finally talks her into it and praises Cindy for being even more beautiful up close. She asks Cindy to do one of her poses but when Cindy says no, Ivory grabs her by the arm and makes her do it. Cue Jeff Jarrett to put Cindy in the Figure Four, sending her into….well it doesn’t seem to be pain. Fear maybe? Jarrett takes Ivory’s knee out too just for good measure. Just a celebrity cameo to advance Jarrett’s chauvinist run and there’s nothing wrong with that.

HHH won’t say who he’s challenging tonight but it won’t be Austin. This is kept short, mainly because it doesn’t change anything.

European Title: Mark Henry vs. Steve Blackman

Henry is defending after leaving Blackman in a tag match to go watch Godfather’s girls dance. Tony Garea of all people is refereeing as Blackman easily knocks Henry outside. Cue Val Venis with a kendo stick to take Blackman out, giving Henry the easy pin.

Henry’s ex-friend D’Lo Brown comes in and hits a REALLY impressive Sky High on Henry.

Jarrett yells at Cindy as she’s being taken away in an ambulance but Test comes in for a save.

Post break, Jeff challenges Test to an Intercontinental Title match.

Chris Jericho vs. Ken Shamrock

Jericho is flanked by Curtis Hughes, his bodyguard of three days. I barely ever remember this very short run, mainly as Jericho hasn’t even been around for six weeks yet and Shamrock is almost gone from the promotion. Before the match, Jericho insists that Shamrock has declared him as the World’s Most Dangerous Man. Therefore, tonight Jericho is allowing Hughes to take his place. Before we get started though, Jericho brings out his own guest referee: the masked EL DOPO!

Curtis Hughes vs. Ken Shamrock

Jericho jumps in on commentary and rips on Cole’s terrible commentary skills. Shamrock takes Hughes down to start and hammers away, only to be backdropped to the floor. Jericho gets up and the chase is on, allowing Hughes to clothesline Ken down. The double beatdown ensues but Shamrock picks the ankle for the ankle lock. Hughes grabs the rope and it’s an immediate DQ for not letting go of the hold.

Rating: D. This pairing feels so out of place, mainly because of two of the three people leaving the promotion so soon. Shamrock could have done well in the company around this time but he was just gone rather soon, not even wrestling at the upcoming pay per view. His last match would be the following week and it’s not like this one was anything worth seeing.

El Dopo is…known Jericholic (seriously) Howard Finkel!

Mankind says he and Rock will be teaming together in this five man Royal Rumble. They’re like a finely tuned automobile: Rock is the front end and Mankind is the rear end, but the PEOPLE’S rear end!

The referees are still on strike.

Before the five man Royal Rumble, here’s Rock to tell his four opponents to go to a casino and play the people’s slot machine. Someone can pull the handle and get three Brahma Bulls. Maybe it’s Undertaker with his eyes rolling back while Kane uses his voice box to say WE WON WE WON LET’S PARTY and turn some cartwheels while Big Show makes odd noises. Then Rock will come in, shine up the gold coins and….well you know. I remember this from when I was a kid and thought it was the funniest thing I’d ever heard.

Royal Rumble

The winner gets….to start against HHH in the Six Pack Challenge at Unforgiven. That’s not the greatest prize in the world but the writing isn’t the best in the world around here either. Rock is in at #1 and Big Show is in at #2 with one minute intervals. A bunch of right hands and an attempt to throw Rock out don’t get us very far until it’s Mankind in at #3. Big Show gets double teamed and Rock actually gives Mankind a thumbs up.

Kane is in at #4 as the Royal Rumble stipulation is looking ridiculous. More punching ensues and it’s Undertaker, in street clothes, in at #5 to complete the field. Undertaker actually sits in on commentary (!) as Rock DDT’s Kane. Rock saves Mankind from a chokeslam and the pair gets rid of Kane. That’s it for the alliance though as Rock dumps Mankind, only to walk into a chokeslam. Show gets too cocky and can’t get rid of Rock, drawing Undertaker in to eliminate both of them for the win.

Rating: F. What in the world was the point of that? It wasn’t even five minutes long and the timed entrances meant absolutely nothing. Terrible stuff here and another instance of adding a gimmick that didn’t need to be there. As lame as a five man battle royal would have been, it would have been better than this.

Post match Show glares at Undertaker but Mideon and Viscera come out to get between them. Rock tries to come in with a chair and gets beaten down. That would be Undertaker’s last “match” on TV for about eight months as he was out with a groin injury and tore his pectoral muscle during a return in December. Next up for him: Biker Taker.

The Hollies come out to challenge Chyna, who has been looking for a partner.

Hollies vs. Chyna

And there’s no partner so this is a handicap match, at least to start. Chyna punches Crash in the face to start and it’s quickly off to Hardcore. A double low blow brings the Hollies down as Dave Hebner makes an ultra rare cameo appearance and doesn’t mind the blatant cheating. Cue Billy Gunn to be Chyna’s partner (despite them having issues at this point) as the Hollies elbow her in the face. Hardcore spends too much time running his mouth though and gets caught with a DDT. Gunn tags himself in and slugs away, even if Chyna doesn’t seem happy with it. The Fameasser puts Hardcore away in short order.

Rating: D-. Another short and nothing match that was just there to get people on the show. Chyna was doing what she could here and certainly looked to belong out there with the men, though it still feels like a bit of a novelty. At least they didn’t waste much time on this one and that’s how it should be.

Post match Jarrett comes out and decks Chyna. Cue Jeff’s ladies Debra and Miss Kitty, the latter of whom has a bag. They pull out a frying pan, soup ladle and apron, all of which wind up on/in Chyna’s hands. Jeff tells her to go start making his supper. So he’s a soup lover?

Big Boss Man has, I kid you not, the remains of Al Snow’s cooked dog Pepper in a doggie bag. Let’s put it on a pole! Seriously that’s what we’re doing.

Al Snow vs. Big Boss Man

Sgt. Slaughter is referee. Boss Man shrugs off a clothesline and punches Snow down. Al’s crossbody is blocked and Boss Man gets in a nightstick shot to the ribs. Cue the British Bulldog with some rottweilers to corner Boss Man (Because the KENNEL FROM H*** IS COMING!). With nothing else to do, Boss Man grabs the bag and throws it to the floor, where Snow picks it up for the win. Total and complete waste of time. Like more so than the Rumble.

HHH and the cops walk as Austin watches.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Test

Timekeeper Mark Yeaton is referee. Jarrett is defending and Test charges to the ring to grab an early spinning sidewalk slam for two. A gutwrench powerbomb gets the same and here are Pete Gas, Rodney and Terri to ringside. Jeff’s middle rope clothesline cuts Test off and here’s Stephanie to say stop this. Shane comes out to beat up Rodney but here are Patterson, Brisco and Stasiak as the match is thrown out. This was less than two and a half minutes and had EIGHT PEOPLE RUN IN.

Test’s shoulder is sent into the steps so Jeff hits a flying armbar. Shane has to save Stephanie from a Figure Four as Jeff runs off.

Post break, Stephanie and Test leave.

Here’s HHH for the title defense but he wants Shane of all people to be guest referee. In the back, Vince and Linda (in a rare cameo) ask Shane if he’s up for this and of course Shane is ready. Shane comes to the ring and seems cool with HHH (So he’s a face but cool with the heels?), who talks about all the people NOT challenging him tonight. It won’t be Austin, Undertaker, Kane, Big Show, Mankind or Rock.

That doesn’t leave too many people who have been in a main event with Austin (Wasn’t it just sharing the ring earlier?), but HHH has an idea. He calls out Vince, who comes to the arena after HHH suggests that Linda might like a little time with the Game. So to recap: Shane is on HHH’s side but was hanging out with HHH’s top rival? Can we get rid of Russo already? I’m getting a headache. Anyway here’s Vince in a suit with a mic but he can’t talk HHH down. HHH questions the grapefruits but Vince still says no. Another suggestion of sex with Linda is enough to get Vince to jump HHH and we’re on.

WWF World Title: HHH vs. Vince McMahon

HHH is defending and easily stomps Vince down to take over. Vince’s right hands are shrugged off and the boss is in even more trouble. Shane cheers Vince on as HHH stomps away and even tells Chyna to stay away. Vince goes to the eyes and hits HHH low (Which Shane cheers. So he’s not on HHH’s side but does what HHH asks and stands next to HHH and Chyna in peace?) but can’t follow up. They head outside with HHH using a cord for a choke, followed by an elbow to drive Vince through the announcers’ table.

Back in and HHH grabs a chair before shoving Shane down. A chair shot to Vince is enough to make Shane tackle the champ, earning himself a chair to the head. Cue Patterson, Brisco and Linda with the Stooges getting beaten down in short order. Chyna grabs Linda as HHH hammers on the bloody Vince. The Pedigree is loaded up and heeeere’s Austin (through the crowd to avoid the cops) for back to back Stunners to give Vince the title.

Rating: D. Egads where do I even begin? So not only is this basically Foley beating Rock for the title from ten months ago (even down to Austin being the one to run in and change the title) but AUSTIN WOULD NOT HELP VINCE GET THE TITLE! I don’t care who Vince is beating or what it gives Austin, he would NEVER do this and it’s very out of character for him. Austin isn’t going to just accept Vince as someone he’ll help just because Vince is now a face (you know, the guy revealed as the Higher Power THREE MONTHS AGO) and it’s very stupid to suggest otherwise.

Now for the interesting part: comparing this to Vince Russo winning the title about a year later. As is so often the case, of course it’s not the same thing and of course it’s more acceptable here. First of all, the WWF is riding high at this point and can afford to take some chances. Russo made himself champion when the company was dead in the water and living on borrowed time.

A risk like this is more acceptable when you’re on top of the mountain and not seemingly desperate to pop a rating. To go along with that, what good had Russo done for WCW? I’m guessing a lot less than McMahon had done for the WWF in that week alone. Russo was dragging the company down with him and decided to make himself champion pretty much for his own ego. What a boss.

Second, and more importantly, this advances several stories, including but not limited to Austin vs. HHH, Vince vs. HHH, Shane’s issues (whatever they are at the moment) and adds some drama to Unforgiven. Russo winning the title advanced Vince Russo, who had done it several times before. Sure McMahon looks good here, but he was also a big time character in the WWF and had been for a very long time. Speaking of looking good, consider their physiques. McMahon has been on the covers of fitness magazines while I’ve seen ten year olds with more muscle than Russo.

These are somewhat comparable angles, but one was well done and benefited several people. The other was an ego trip which served a bad writer who wanted to be a wrestler but wasn’t talented enough. Russo can try to say it’s the same thing all he wants, but then again he’s the kind of guy who still thinks he was some kind of a brilliant writer and….well just look at this show.

Vince is carried to his feet to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. And somehow, this is much better than a lot of what Russo does. Be it the rapid fire short matches which don’t have time to offer much of an impact or me trying to figure out which end is up on the face/heel alignments or the show revolving around a storyline about referees, I’m not sure what on here is supposed to be good. The ending is a big surprise but the rest of the show is such a mess and the wrestling is such a runaway train that there’s not much positive about the whole thing.

Here’s Unforgiven if you’re interested (bear in mind that this is old and really not very good):

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2014/04/19/unforgiven-1999-cracking-open-a-six-pack/

Remember to check out my new forum at steelcageforums.com and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Armageddon 1999
Date: December 12, 1999
Location: National Car Rental Center, Sunrise, Florida
Attendance: 17,054
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

I’ve done this show before but it was so long ago and the review isn’t up to my standards so here’s a fresh version. The main event here is HHH vs. Vince McMahon after HHH married the drugged Stephanie McMahon earlier in the year. This is also one of the first pay per views after Vince Russo and Ed Ferrara left, meaning things could be in a bit of a shift. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at nothing but HHH vs. Vince. Even the World Title match isn’t mentioned.

The set is pure carnage…plus a helicopter.

Battle Royal

Dudley Boyz, Godfather/Mark Henry, Headbangers, Acolytes, Edge and Christian, Mean Street Posse, Too Cool, Hardy Boyz

When one member of a team is out, their partner goes with them. The winners get the Tag Team Title shot at the Rumble. Before the match, the recently debuted Dudleys talk about injuring Edge and Christian on Smackdown. It’s still weird hearing Bubba with the southern stutter. Edge and Christian do their entrance through the crowd and the fight is on before the other teams come out.

The other teams start coming out, with JR saying the Headbangers survived Thrasher’s knee injury and a horrible gimmick for Mosh (Beaver Cleavage. Don’t ask.). The pops for Too Cool and Godfather are just ridiculous. It’s a brawl to start (as it should be) with Edge and Mosh falling through the ropes and out to the floor. Rodney of the Posse is eliminated but Joey Abs runs in to take his place (ignore one of them being blond and the other having black hair).

Abs is tossed so Rodney replaces him, only to have Pete Gas (the third Posse member) get eliminated. That’s finally enough to get rid of the Posse as Jeff comes off the top to hit Faarooq. Mosh is eliminated to get rid of the Headbangers and the Acolytes dump Henry as the field is thinning in a hurry. D-Von saves Bubba and it’s Scotty pulling Christian to the apron. Grandmaster charges at Christian and gets dumped, leaving Edge to knock Scotty off at the same time.

We’re down to Edge and Christian, the Hardys, the Dudleys and the Acolytes, which certainly isn’t a bad grouping to have. D-Von sneaks to the floor and pulls Edge out to get us down to three in a quick elimination. Bubba hits Jeff with a fisherman’s suplex of all things, followed by a DDT to Bradshaw. There’s the middle rope What’s Up (means nothing here) and a reverse 3D on Jeff, only to have Matt toss D-Von in a bit of an upset.

Matt and Bradshaw fall out at the same time but since there’s only one referee (what a dumb company), they’re both back in and we keep going. Jeff dumps Faarooq but the referee is with Matt for some reason, meaning we keep going again. Bradshaw gets sent to the apron but a top rope dropkick can’t even put him out. Faarooq plants Jeff with a spinebuster though and one heck of a backdrop gives the Acolytes the win.

Rating: D. The annoying stuff with people being eliminated multiple times and coming back in got old fast but the Acolytes winning is acceptable. The younger teams would have made more sense, but the Dudleys weren’t ready yet and this match suited the Acolytes more than anyone else. That being said, not the best idea to open the show.

Kurt Angle is still undefeated and that tag loss on Smackdown was ENTIRELY Steve Blackman’s fault. The people in South Florida will appreciate his gold medal. This was smug Angle at its finest and that’s a great thing.

Steve Blackman vs. Kurt Angle

Angle only debuted last month and gets cut off by Blackman’s entrance. That’s quite rude and deserves a lesson in the 3 I’s. Blackman hammers away to start but misses a middle rope splash. Angle hits a dropkick as you can tell he hasn’t gotten his normal style set so far. The moonsault, of course, misses and Blackman grabs a Muta Lock, which is so strange to see in this time period.

Back up and Angle grabs a DDT, earning himself a boring chant. Blackman sends him into the steps but gets suplexed back inside. Angle gets too annoyed at the ANGLE SUCKS chants and walks into a drop toehold into the middle buckle. Blackman’s Vader Bomb hits boots though and Angle finishes with a bridging German suplex.

Rating: D+. Angle was still finding his rhythm at this point (oh it would be there soon) but that talking of his was more than enough proof that they had something incredibly special. Blackman was fine for a quick opponent here, though there’s only so much of a future in fighting him. The boring chants were somewhat warranted here, but Angle would figure it out.

Blackman beats him down with the nunchucks. It’s such a bad beating that they start playing the wrong music.

On Heat, Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young shoved Women’s Champion Ivory into a pool, which is where the title match is going to take place.

Earlier today, Cole tried to talk to BB (a model there for nothing more than her surgically enhanced figure) and can’t remember the name of the show or where it is. She’s just in an evening gown so this is quite over the top.

Women’s Title: Ivory vs. Jacqueline vs. Miss Kitty vs. BB

Ivory is defending and this is an Evening Gown match in a pool with Moolah and Mae as guest referees. The challengers all wind up in the pool to start fighting (meaning walking around splashing each other) so Ivory throws shoes. Ivory gets pulled into the water and Jacqueline falls out of her top in short order. She gets gang attacked for an early elimination, followed by Ivory and Kitty trying to drown BB. They settle for stripping her but Ivory can’t get her bra unhooked. The distraction lets Kitty pull Ivory into the pool and unzip her for the title.

Post match Kitty strips, including taking her top off for uncensored nudity (censored on the Network of course) in a company first. I mean, also a company last but it worked at the time.

Earlier today, Rikishi (a newcomer) and Viscera attacked the Hollys during their weigh-in. Rikishi is tired of the Hollys trying to make a name off the big men and tonight, he’s going to crush them. Viscera better be a good partner.

Hollys vs. Rikishi Phatu/Viscera

This is part of the Hollys’ underrated super heavyweight gimmick. Rikishi wastes no time by sitting on Crash’s chest for two but Hardcore breaks up the Banzai Drop. Hardcore gets sent into the corner as the big men take turns on him, albeit with a hard slap to the chest serving as a tag. A Samoan drop crushes Hardcore and a spinning belly to belly does the same to Hardcore.

Viscera misses a charge in the corner though and Hardcore gets two off a missile dropkick. For some reason Crash tries another sunset flip, this time getting crushed by a spinning legdrop. Rikishi comes back in for a one man 3D, followed by a no sell off a DDT. The Rikishi Driver (that still looks awesome) knocks Crash silly but Viscera spinwheel kicks Rikishi by mistake. That’s enough to give Hardcore the pin, even with Viscera watching the pin and doing nothing for a save.

Rating: D. This could have been on any given episode of TV and that’s not a good sign. I’m really not sure why this warranted a pay per view spot when it didn’t even break five minutes and was nothing more than a big team against some comedy goofs. I can live with the slip on a banana peel ending but it was far from anything worth seeing.

Val Venis wants to win the European Title to score with European women. He throws in some Spanish to hit on Lilian Garcia because Val has good taste, even though Lilian got better looking over time.

European Title: Val Venis vs. D’Lo Brown vs. British Bulldog

The Bulldog is defending (with the Mean Street Posse in a VERY short lived alliance) and if there’s a story here, it’s not important enough to explain. Referee Teddy Long wants to holla at the Posse playa and that’s a group ejection. The champ gets double teamed in the corner to start before Val clotheslines him out to the floor. Brown hits a huge dive over the top to take both of them down, only to get powerslammed for two back inside.

Venis is sent into the steps though, allowing the announcers to make jokes about his size. Back in and Val gets double teamed in the corner, with the alliance lasting all of ten seconds before Brown stomps Bulldog down. Venis’ suplex puts D’Lo down but he goes after Bulldog for no logical reason. A double clothesline puts Bulldog down and a bad looking double hiptoss looks like it breaks Bulldog’s shoulder.

Val adds a splash but Brown elbows him to cut things off as the backstabbing continues. Bulldog heads outside AGAIN as Brown gets crotched on top. Brown is fine enough to grab a sunset bomb for two with Bulldog pulling the referee out at two. Back in and Val spinebusters Bulldog for two, only to have him pop back up with the powerslam. Brown puts the foot on the ropes as this just KEEPS GOING. This time it’s D’Lo beating on the champ, including another spinebuster. The Low Down connects but Val comes in with the Money Shot for the save and steals the pin and the title.

Rating: D-. Sweet goodness what a terrible match. This was like one of those triple threat matches that you were put in while playing Wrestlemania 2000 or No Mercy and it just wouldn’t end no matter how much you were beating them. There was no chemistry or story here and while Val makes for a more interesting champion, the match felt like it went on for an hour instead of just over eight minutes.

X-Pac has had the rules of his cage match with Kane changed. Kane can only win via pinfall, but X-Pac can win by pinfall or escape. Oh and tell Tori to stop calling him all night because she’s not getting anything.

Kane vs. X-Pac

In a cage with Kane needing a pin and X-Pac needing a pin or escape. Kane has both the inverted attire (mostly black with red and top) and Tori here. I’ll let you figure out which is a better look. The pyro is on top of the cage for another cool visual. For some reason X-Pac goes after Tori, drawing Kane over the cage to start the beating in a hurry.

A bell shot to the head cuts Kane off though and it’s X-Pac running into the cage, which doesn’t seem to be the best idea in the world. They get inside with Lawler making more jokes, sending JR over the edge in the process.  X-Pac’s shots to the face have no effect so it’s a gorilla press to take him down in short order.

Kane gets sent into the cage though and a spinwheel kick gives X-Pac a breather. The super chokeslam is countered with a crotching, followed by a guillotine legdrop for two. X-Pac goes up again and for some reason dives at Kane, even after he’s sat up. That earns him a few whips into the cage but here are the New Age Outlaws with bolt cutters. Gunn slams the door on Kane’s head and a chair is thrown inside.

The X-Factor onto the chair gets two and it’s time for some handcuffs. Kane gets cuffed to the ropes and a chair to the head takes him down again. Tori comes in and pulls X-Pac off the ropes, only to get caught with the X-Factor. That’s enough for Kane to chair X-Pac down, followed by breaking the cuffs. Kane slips out of the cage and catches X-Pac on the way to the floor before tossing him back inside. A clothesline from the top of the cage (looked better than it sounds) and the Tombstone end X-Pac.

Rating: B. This was pretty good stuff with X-Pac throwing everything he had at Kane and not being able to get anywhere with it. That makes Kane look like a monster but of course the feud isn’t over yet because that’s not how things work around here. At least they got this right though and gave us a good match in the process.

We recap Chris Jericho vs. Chyna, which is set up by both of their Titantron videos. Chyna beat him to retain the Intercontinental Title at Survivor Series but Jericho went all chauvinistic and got a rematch.

Intercontinental Title: Chyna vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho is challenging and Chyna has Miss Kitty (now with more clothes) in her corner. Chyna jumps him to start and avoids a charge in the corner, sending Jericho crashing out to the floor. That means a running clothesline off the apron but Jericho drops her face first across the barricade. Lawler seems to pull Chyna out of the way of a chair shot so Chyna can dropkick the chair into Jericho’s face. They’re certainly not wasting time here.

Jericho sends Chyna into the steps as JR is getting really annoying with this “HE’S HITTING A WOMAN” stuff. What about her beating him up? Back inside and Jericho dives into a low blow, only to get Chyna tied into the ropes. That allows Jericho to go after Chyna’s bad thumb, which wasn’t important enough to mention until now. A vertical suplex sets up the posing cover for two and it’s time to take off a turnbuckle pad.

Chyna is right back with a crossbody for two of her own, only to get caught in the bulldog. The pelvic thrusts before the Lionsault allow Chyna to get her knees up though as the crowd gets quiet in a hurry. Back up and Chyna counters a hurricanrana into a powerbomb, followed by a catapult into the exposed buckle.

The Pedigree is countered into a backslide for two and it’s time to go up. Jericho tries a belly to back suplex and connects….which I guess was supposed to be reversed into a crossbody but wound up being Chyna kind of landing on him. Back up and Chyna tries a sunset flip but gets reversed into the Walls to give Jericho his first Intercontinental Title.

Rating: C+. The more I watch Chyna wrestle, the less impressed I am with her. She’s good enough to have matches with most of them men but it’s something that loses its novelty in a hurry. The ending was the right call here and the match was good, though Chyna’s time wrestling men was starting to wind down.

Jericho brags about his win and declares himself sassy. Chyna comes in and congratulates him. She shakes his hand and Jericho isn’t sure what to do.

Tag Team Titles: Rock N Sock Connection vs. New Age Outlaws

Rock and Mankind are challenging with Mankind in his weird blue shirt period. Given that the titles changed hands fifteen (yes FIFTEEN) times in 1999, there could be any number of reasons for these teams to be fighting. In this case, the Rock N Sock Connection reformed a few weeks back and won a #1 contenders match. Oh yeah Russo must be gone because that’s coherent. Jerry suggests that the Rock is responsible for the pop (his word) the team gets and….well yeah.

Dogg tries a few cheap shots to start but gets punched in the jaw for his efforts. Mankind grabs a headlock and now the chants are for Rock and Sock. A legdrop gets two on Dogg and we hit the chinlock. The announcers recap the issues between Mankind and Al Snow, because that was a top story around this time. It’s off to Gunn for two off a faceplant so Mankind points to Rock…..who comes in to a ROAR.

We hit the staredown so Gunn can take his shirt off, which of course allows Rock to punch the heck out of him. Even King thinks that was a bad idea. It’s quickly back to Mankind vs. Dogg with the Shake Rattle and Roll being countered into the Mandible Claw. Everything breaks down and it’s Rock and Gunn heading into the crowd. Rock catches a charge to send Gunn back over the barricade, followed by some elbows to the ribs back inside.

Gunn runs him over though and the slow beating begins. Right hands and some lame stomps have Rock in trouble but the exploding clothesline out of the corner (Cena does it better) takes Dogg down. There’s no tag though as Dogg comes back with a big boot of all things to cut him down again. Since when has Dogg used a big boot? That’s not exactly a move I was expecting in this one and it really didn’t work. Gunn grabs a sleeper for two arm drops but Rock is right back up with the floatover DDT. The hot tag brings in Mankind (to near silence) and the Outlaws are sent into each other.

Naturally we get the ref bump as everything breaks down. The Mandible Claw goes on the Dogg so here’s Snow to hit Mankind with Head. Rock makes the save and beats Snow up, leaving Gunn to hit Mankind with the bell….for two. Now THAT got a reaction as I would have bet on it being the finish. Gunn’s piledriver gets two more as Rock is back on the apron. Mankind sends them into each other again and the real hot tag brings in Rock. That means a spinebuster and the Rock Bottom but Snow comes back in for the DQ.

Rating: D+. The ending wasn’t great but it was nice to see a match get this much time, especially when you would expect the Outlaws to be kept short. I’m also glad to see the champs keep the titles away from another thrown together pair of stars. Finally, after all those title changes, it’s a nice change of pace to have the titles stay in one place for a change.

Post match Dogg and Snow take Rock Bottoms with Snow also getting a People’s Elbow.

We recap the World Title match. Big Show won the title in a major surprise at Survivor Series. A few days earlier though, his father had passed away. #1 contender Big Boss Man (it was a weird time) didn’t care, and decided to torment Show before their title match. This included a heartfelt poem:

With deepest regret

And tears that are soaked

I’m sorry to hear

Your dad finally croaked.

He lived a full life

On his own terms

Soon he’ll be buried

And eaten by worms

If I could have a son

As stupid as you

I’d wish for cancer

So I’d die too

Then Boss Man attached the casket to a car (looking like the Bluesmobile) and drove away with Big Show holding on in one of the funniest visuals the company had done in a long time. Oh and as a bonus: Boss Man got Show’s mom to admit that he was an illegitimate child. Boss Man: “Hey Big Show. You’re a big nasty b****** and your mama said so!”

WWF World Title: Big Boss Man vs. Big Show

Boss Man is challenging, has Prince Albert in his corner, and isn’t defending his Hardcore Title. Before the match, Boss Man asks who Show’s daddy is, because it could be anyone. Geez just have him get squashed already and save us the time. Show charges into the ring and beats on Boss Man like he stole something, including throwing him across the ring by the jacket.

They head outside where Albert’s cheap shots earn him a chokeslam through the Spanish announcers’ table. Boss Man gets in a cheap shot with the steps to slow Big Show down and posts him for good measure. Unfortunately Boss Man has to hoist him back inside….where Show nips up. A big boot and the chokeslam retain the title in just over three minutes.

Rating: D. Boss Man almost got in too much offense here, if you can believe that. This was mostly Big Show dominance, which is the only reason to bring in someone like Boss Man for this match. Given the story and the circumstances, this was the only way the match should have gone, even if it was pretty much nothing.

We recap HHH vs. Vince McMahon. Vince cost HHH the World Title at Survivor Series so DX beat the heck out of Test (the man Stephanie actually loved), Shane and Stephanie. Vince destroyed DX’s limo and tossed HHH off the stage, which HHH said was taking it too far. Then HHH did the whole “kidnap and marry Vince’s daughter” routine, promising to annul the marriage if Vince can beat him tonight. Tonight Vince is fighting for his family, which totally won’t turn on him.

Vince McMahon vs. HHH

Anything goes and Stephanie is in the front row. Oh yeah they’re not hiding anything here. It’s so strange to see Stephanie looking young, though the leather jacket is still there. HHH has a sledgehammer and a bottle of water. Well they were both available weapons in No Mercy. Speaking of young, HHH is 28 here, which is almost hard to believe was ever reality. He seems like he was born in his early thirties and went from there.

Vince throws powder near HHH’s eyes to start and hammers in the corner. For some reason I’m craving potatoes, with JR making a similar reference. The first low blow sends HHH outside and over the announcers’ table, followed by a whip into the steps. They head into the crowd, which is exactly the kind of thing they should be doing here. HHH whips him into a metal door and it’s time to come back to ringside so HHH can slug him down some more.

Vince takes over with a few shots of his own and here’s Mankind with a shopping cart full of weapons. A trashcan lid shot to HHH’s head….somehow knocks Vince down and HHH washes the powder out of his eyes. Some more trashcan lid shots put HHH down this time and a can shot puts HHH right in front of Stephanie. HHH sends him head first into the steps though and a low blow keeps Vince down again. They head up the aisle this time, almost like they’re trying to figure out what to do now.

HHH kicks him low again and goes back to get a trashcan, which he uses to threaten the fans. Today, that would likely get him fired. Somehow Vince comes back and puts the can over HHH’s head for some hard right hands. Vince swings a wrench and goes down again, making me think that this swinging things isn’t his strong suit. Back to the set with HHH swinging a machine gun around to smack Vince in the head. That’s not something I had expected to write down today but ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN IN THE WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION!

It’s time for more punching and stumbling around as this just keeps going. Vince gets thrown into another door, which opens as a result. JR says it’s because the force knocked it open. King: “Naw, someone’s raising it.” Point to Lawler. HHH throws him onto the hood of a truck but then disappears. Eventually Vince gets up and goes outside where we play hunt the Game for a bit. HHH tries to run Vince down but the boss hops up onto a fence for a save.

More walking around ensues until HHH sends him head first into the grill of a semi truck. A slam and an elbow drop onto the top of a limo are enough to take it back inside, where Vince goes face first into a snack machine. They’re back in the arena now and climb up part of the set as we’re getting ready for the big bump. It’s Vince being knocked into a bunker (helpfully lined with a crash pad and thankfully off camera). JR calls this thirty feet in the air, which would make HHH somewhere around 11’2.

Vince is busted open and HHH hits him in the face with a gas can. With Vince down, HHH asks Stephanie how it feels to watch daddy take a beating like this. He’ll be her daddy now but has to stop for a mic shot to Vince’s head. HHH holds Vince in front of Stephanie, meaning it’s ACTING time.

Back in and HHH throws the referee down (Why?) before grabbing the sledgehammer. Of course it’s a low blow to cut HHH down and a wrench shot puts HHH (but not Vince this time) down. Vince grabs the hammer but Stephanie jumps the barricade because she wants to do it. She takes too long though and two hammer shots knock Vince cold for the pin.

Rating: B-. The timing REALLY hurts this (just shy of thirty minutes) but for what it is, they told a solid story. Vince refusing to stay down made sense as he was a man fighting for his family (one that he was allowing to be sacrificed in a demonic wedding just six months ago but a family nonetheless) but in the end, he’s Vince McMahon and the other guy is HHH. This was the right ending, but it really could have had some time cut off.

Post match we get the hug and the heel turn to set up HHH/Stephanie, who are STILL at the top of the heel food chain over eighteen years later. To be fair though, this is a heck of a story here as Stephanie is still a very innocent character (she only really debuted earlier in the year) and now she’s siding with the big bad who just massacred her dad. The big pose ends the show.

Overall Rating: C+. For a show built around one match which was only pretty good, this is actually a pretty easy show to sit through. Above all else, they didn’t have a million swerves and the focus was more on the action. Things were about to take off in a BIG way around here (the Radicalz were about six weeks away) and you can feel the energy building. Stephanie’s turn really is effective, even if it’s eventually going to lead to a lot of screaming from a lot of people. Good show here, as the Russo era is thankfully behind us.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Royal Rumble 1999
Date: January 24, 1999
Location: Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, California
Attendance: 14,816
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole

What did I ever do to you people? I try to give you all a variety of stuff and somehow I always wind up with freaking Russo. Isn’t me freaking out over 2000 WCW enough for your bloody thirsty evildoers? Anyway, it’s Austin vs. McMahon at #1 and #2, along with Rock being borderline criminal against Mankind in an I Quit match. Let’s get to it.

The opening video makes no secret of the fact that this is all about Austin vs. McMahon. The World Title match isn’t even mentioned.

Of note: the theme song here would become Vince’s theme for pretty much ever.

Road Dogg vs. Big Boss Man

Road Dogg is Hardcore Champion after beating Boss Man (half of the Tag Team Champions and part of the Corporation) to win the title. Therefore the solution: let them have a regular singles match. Ah the powers of Russo. Even Cole is trying to figure out why the Corporation wouldn’t want a chance to get a title. Boss Man is still one of the only people I’ve ever seen who stands on the bottom rope for his pre-match posing.

Dogg gets shoved down to start and we get an early hair pulling complaint. I hope he files the proper paperwork for that. Or he could just punch Boss Man in the face instead. Boss Man misses a charge in the corner and gets crotched as Lawler tries to explain why this isn’t a title match. I’ll give him points for trying but it really makes no sense. Boss Man gets more aggressive but is told this isn’t a hardcore match.

The distraction lets Dogg crotch Boss Man against the post but he punches and kicks Dogg down with ease. They’re clearly trying really hard to have a regular match but neither guy seems to know how to do it. We hit a bearhug from…..well from the person you would expect to use a bearhug in this match. Dogg actually raises the roof to get the crowd on his side but gets dropped with a knee to the ribs.

The referee checking on Dogg allows Boss Man to unhook the turnbuckle pad and we’re just waiting on it to come back and cost him. Boss Man wins another slugout but gets caught in a sleeper. That goes nowhere so Dogg has to slam him off the top and it’s slugout the fourth. A flying forearm and the shaky knee get two for Dogg but he walks into the Boss Man Slam for the fast pin.

Rating: D. So their big idea was to have one of their most popular acts wrestle a style out of his element against an opponent not capable of wrestling that style and then lose. I’ve said it before but it deserves repeating: Vince Russo is really not that bright when it comes to putting together shows.

We recap Billy Gunn vs. Ken Shamrock. Gunn had, ahem, exposed himself to to Shamrock’s sister Ryan. Ken went psycho (again) and set this up with his Intercontinental Title on the line.

Intercontinental Title: Ken Shamrock vs. Billy Gunn

Gunn is challenging but has a bad ankle coming in. Shamrock is the part of the Corporation and the other half of the Tag Team Champions. It’s actually Gunn being the aggressor to start by choking Ken down while Lawler is in full on heel mode here, completely supporting Shamrock for wanting to destroy Billy. A clothesline and delayed vertical get two for Gunn but he misses a charge and goes shoulder first into the post.

Shamrock slowly kicks away until he ducks his head and gets caught in a Fameasser for two. So what exactly is Gunn’s finisher then, as that was treated like a nothing move. Gunn misses a charge and falls out to the floor so Ken can send him hands first into the post. I say first falsely implying that any other part of his body hit the post as well.

Shamrock takes some time to jaw with the fans, allowing Billy to come back with something like a Stroke off the apron and onto the announcers’ table. Well at least that looked good. Back in and Ken starts going after the ankle nearly ten minutes into the match. We get some very slow kicks to the ankle as Cole can’t remember Gunn ever submitting. Uh, right. Anyway, Shamrock pulls him down by the hair and gets two off a fisherman’s suplex.

The referee gets bumped and a double clothesline puts Gunn and Shamrock down as well. Cue Val Venis, who had recent issues with Shamrock, to take the champion down with a DDT. Gunn makes his comeback as there are fans in towels doing Val’s gyrations in the crowd. Billy hurts his ankle again coming off the top and the ankle lock retains Ken’s title.

Rating: D+. Off the top of my head, I can’t remember a less necessary run in. It didn’t change anything and they could have done the exact same finish without Venis coming out there. On top of that, the fans are actually pretty quiet. Believe it or not, there isn’t a lot of interest in thirty five minutes of a thrown together nothing team beating one of the most popular teams of all time in back to back matches.

Shane McMahon tries to fire up his dad for tonight.

European Title: X-Pac vs. Gangrel

X-Pac is defending of course. Feeling out process to start, which isn’t the smartest move in the world for a match that isn’t likely to go more than six minutes. X-Pac quickly takes him down and drops a leg for two. It’s already time for the rapid fire kicks in the corner but the Bronco Buster only hits corner. Gangrel is smart enough to follow up with a belly to belly for two and we hit a quick chinlock.

That goes nowhere so Gangrel throws him into the air and into a big crash, only to miss a top rope…..we’ll say elbow. X-Pac starts his comeback with a pair of spinwheel kicks because he’s a man of limited awesome. The champ tries a high cross body but Gangrel rolls through for a three but the referee says two anyway.

Lawler actually has a good explanation by saying the first count was for X-Pac’s cover and the other two were for Gangrel. That’s not what happened but it’s as logical of an explanation as they were going to find. Back up and Gangrel tries to throw X-Pac into the air, only to get pulled down into the X Factor to retain the title.

Rating: C-. Actually not bad here with Gangrel being a totally serviceable worker most of the time. That being said, there’s almost no story here as the announcers didn’t have any reason for these two to be fighting. At least the fans finally had something to cheer for a change though as it’s been a lot of energy killing losses so far.

DX says they’re a family but tonight it’s every man (and woman according to Chyna) for themselves.

Here’s Shane McMahon to introduce Luna Vachon, who he says is winning the Women’s Title due to Sable having a bad back. Sable comes out and says ring the bell. I have no idea what connection Shane has to this feud and the announcers didn’t seem to bother explaining the story.

Women’s Title: Luna Vachon vs. Sable

Sable is defending and this is a strap match. Luna bails to the floor to start but gets pulled face first into the post. Back in and Sable chokes away as Shane calls Luna hot. Sable can only get two buckles though until Luna pulls her down. That earns Sable a whipping and some kicks in the corner, only to have Luna hit a quick backbreaker.

Luna starts dragging her around to three buckles with Sable slapping them as they go. Of course Luna doesn’t notice because wrestling logic is screwy. Sable flips over Luna and goes for the fourth buckle but Shane gets on the apron for a distraction, which somehow doesn’t count as a break in the momentum. Not that it matters as Sable’s insane fan jumps the barricade and decks Luna, allowing Sable to hit the fourth buckle and retain the title.

Rating: F+. I really can’t stand these gimmick matches getting less than five minutes but they’re a Russo staple. The problem here is there’s no real reason to have all these stories going on, along with no time to build up any drama and advance the story of the match. In other words, it’s too little material in too little time and it drags the whole thing down.

The Corporation debates over who gets to eliminate Austin and win the $100,000 bounty Vince has put on his head tonight.

We recap Mankind vs. the Rock. Mankind won the title on January 4 and Rock wanted a rematch. He offered various stipulations to Mankind before saying he quit trying. That was enough to get Mankind to agree because he knew he would never quit. Therefore it’s time for an I Quit match for the title. Mankind summed it up very simply with a question to Rock: “How does it feel to be in a match you can’t win and I can’t lose?”

A fired up Rock guarantees to win because he’s just that awesome. Watching Beyond the Mat has kind of ruined this for me as it showed Mankind standing about two feet away while Rock was talking here.

WWF World Title: The Rock vs. Mankind

Mankind is defending and this is an I Quit match. Also of note, Mankind had to face Mabel (Viscera) on Sunday Night Heat, resulting in a bad rib injury. Rock gets pounded into the corner to start and Mankind hits his running knee to the head. Some right hands won’t make Rock quit yet though so Mankind hits him with the microphone. They head outside with Mankind going knees first into the steps in one of his trademark bumps. Is there any shock that he can barely walk around today?

Rock goes over to do commentary so Mankind blasts him in the head with a chair, only to draw another no. The Mandible Claw knocks Rock mostly out but he won’t quit. Mankind tries to take him into the crowd but charges into a belly to belly right back over the barricade for a big crash. Back to ringside with Rock loading up a Rock Bottom through the Spanish announce table but it quickly breaks under their weight. Since it wasn’t really worse for either guy, Mankind is right back up and sending Rock into the post.

The fight goes up the aisle with Rock shrugging off right hands and DDTing the champ on the floor. For some reason Rock thinks it’s smart to bring in a ladder but a hard shot still won’t make Mankind quit. Rock climbs the ladder next to the technical area and Mankind follows him up to a little catwalk. A low blow stops Mankind and Rock rams him off the stand and onto the equipment, causing an explosion and the loss of the arena lights.

The match basically stops as Shane comes out but Rock says there’s not going to be a doctor because Mankind is going to quit. Mankind can barely move so Rock drags him back to the ring as this is now a much slower pace. With nothing else working, Rock handcuffs Mankind behind his back and it’s about to get ugly.

Some right hands and rams into the buckle have Mankind bleeding but he kicks Rock low to get a breather. Another low blow has Rock in trouble (and the receding hairline doesn’t do him much good either) but of course he won’t quit. A clothesline puts Mankind down and now it’s time to get scary.

Rock puts a chair over Mankind’s face for a People’s elbow but he still won’t quit. Now we get the infamous part of the match as Rock hits him a ridiculous eleven straight times in the head with Mankind not being able to defend himself in the slightest. Even Lawler says that’s enough after two shots. Mankind is completely out as Rock puts the mic to his mouth and a recording of Mankind’s voice from weeks ago says he quits to give Rock the title back.

Rating: B-. That ending is too much to take and is almost more brutal than the Cell match against Undertaker. The beating just kept going and going with Mankind looking weaker and weaker every time. Apparently Rock hit him about three times as much as he was supposed to and Foley’s family was terrified (justly so) over what they saw. The rest of the match is good enough but the ending is one of the scariest things you’ll ever see in wrestling, or anywhere for that matter.

We recap Austin vs. Vince which just happens to be taking place in the Royal Rumble. There’s no secret about the fact that this is all about those two and to be fair that’s the only thing anyone wanted to see. Austin is #1 and Vince is #2, meaning we’re going to see them for at least ninety seconds. Vince has also put a $100,000 bounty on Austin’s head, in case you didn’t have enough stories going on yet.

Also earlier tonight, Austin crushed some cars with his monster truck and then beat up the Stooges in the arena. I’m not sure what that adds to anything but it’s a thing that happened. As usual, such is life in Russo’s WWF.

Royal Rumble

Austin is in at #1 and Vince is in at #2 and the intervals are ninety seconds. Fink takes FOREVER to do the full rules and Lawler is telling him to shut up. Fair point too as he’s explaining what does and does not constitute eliminations. Of note here, we get the debut of Vince’s chiseled physique which was a real shock as no one had ever seen his arms before. Austin pounds away to start (shocking I know) but opts not to throw Vince out as Golga (Earthquake in a mask as part of the Oddities, which is one of the most bizarre character changes I’ve ever seen) is in at #3.

Golga goes after Austin but gets dumped in fifteen seconds. Vince bails under the ropes and goes into the crowd to give us a chase scene. They fight into the concourse as Droz is #4 and this is where the match starts to fall apart. If Austin and Vince are going to fight through the back, why have Golga get eliminated when you could do Golga vs. Droz? It’s not much (save for a battle of really strange names) but at the moment, the fans in the arena are paying to see Droz stand around doing absolutely nothing.

This is even more proof that Russo is a good idea man but has no idea how to run an actual show. It’s not even a complicated concept: you need to give the fans something to watch. I know there are more people on the other side of the camera but you can’t forget the people who paid money to come see you. It’s poor planning and shows a severe lack of thinking, which is Russo in part of a nutshell.

Speaking of Russo, we see Austin getting beaten down by the Corporation until the camera cuts off. That means we cut back to Droz who is….standing there. Yeah this is really what you’re paying to see: a guy standing in the ring doing nothing. Edge comes in at #5 to give us something but the fans are now dead because they’ve lost Austin and Vince (neither of whom were eliminated) but they’re stuck with two uninteresting guys that have no chance of winning.

After nothing of note, here’s Gillberg (with full Goldberg entrance) at #6 to keep this stupid. Gillberg is out in just a few seconds as we cut to Austin unconscious in the ladies room. Steve Blackman is in at #7 as Austin is stretchered out. The clock is flying by now as they need to get some action going to revive the crowd. Dan Severn is in at #8 as the lack of star power is already making this horrible.

We see Austin going into the ambulance, which to be fair is more interesting than four nothings (remember that Edge wasn’t a big thing for a long time to come) wasting time in the ring. Tiger Ali Singh, one of the biggest misfires you’ll ever seen, is in at #9. Blue Meanie is in at #10 and we’re somehow a third of the way through this.

After Austin and Vince, the biggest name in the match so far has been…..geez I guess Droz. What this match needed was a midcard act to clean out the deadwood (Shamrock perhaps) until some popular act (maybe the Outlaws) came in to balance him out. Put Shamrock in at about #8 and the Outlaws in at about #13 and #16 respectfully, then pick up the pace again later on. But no, let’s have this huge bunch of nothing in the ring to kill the crowd until we get back to Austin vs. Vince at the end because Heaven forbid Russo come up with anything besides one idea.

There’s no one at #11 but we cut to the back (again) to see Mabel destroying Mosh and taking his spot. Blackman and Severn are quickly put out with Singh following them a few seconds later. Road Dogg is in at #12 to FINALLY give the fans someone they care about. Meanie is dumped as well, leaving us Edge, Mabel and Road Dogg in the ring.

Edge is eliminated a few seconds later but there go the lights because we haven’t had an angle in a few seconds. It’s the Ministry of Darkness (is there a reason Undertaker isn’t on this card?) to eliminate Mabel and here’s Undertaker to hypnotize him, leading to Mabel becoming Viscera. Therefore, we have ANOTHER lull as Dogg is all alone.

Gangrel is in at #13 and doesn’t last thirty seconds, giving us the third lull of the first half of the match. Add that to the fact that save for Austin and McMahon who haven’t been seen in twenty minutes, the first eleven entrants are already gone, making the first third of the match completely worthless. Kurrgan is in at #14 and beats on the Dogg until Al Snow is in at #15, only to be eliminated in less than a minute.

Goldust is in at #16 to interrupt Dogg vs. Kurrgan II. Dogg knocks both of them down and gets the fans breathing again with a SUCK IT. Here’s Godfather at #17 as it occurs to me that three of these people will be Intercontinental Champion in less than three months. They go from boring everyone here to having a title in that span of time. Again, only Russo.

Kane is in at #18 to FINALLY give us someone who might have a prayer of a chance at winning this thing. He clears the ring in thirty seconds but here are people from the mental institution to reclaim Kane, who eliminates himself and runs through the crowd. So yeah, we now have NO ONE IN THE RING, meaning that when Shamrock comes in at #19, he has nothing to do but stand around as we wait for an opponent. Oh wait Vince comes back to do commentary as we’re just sitting around.

As we wait, allow me to point out that save for the first two, the first eighteen entrants have all been eliminated, making nearly two thirds of the match completely worthless. Billy Gunn comes in at #20, wearing one boot. Heaven forbid we get anything going through as Shamrock takes him down with a kick to the bad ankle. Gunn throws him into the corner for a break but Ken goes after the ankle again.

Test is in at #21 but let’s cut to Mabel being put in a hearse. As luck would have it, an ambulance pulls in with Austin driving, because he was able to wake up, commandeer the ambulance, and drive back here in the span of half an hour. We FINALLY go back to the ring where Gunn low blows both guys. Big Boss Man is in at #22 to line up the Corporation members for Austin, who comes down and chases Vince off. Shamrock is quickly dumped and Vince is back on commentary.

It’s HHH at #23 as you can see the star power starting up because we couldn’t have them in there earlier in the match because of whatever reasons. People start taking worthless shots at Austin, who blasts Gunn with a hard clothesline. Val Venis is in at #24 and Austin dumps Gunn, giving us Vince, Austin, Test, Venis, Boss Man and HHH. X-Pac is in at #25 as Lawler wants to know why no one is going after Austin. Fair point, but the answer would be “because the script says they shouldn’t.”

X-Pac kicks Austin in the face and it’s Mark Henry at #26 to a far bigger reaction than you would expect. Jeff Jarrett is in at #27 as there’s just nothing going on between these entrants. The stupidity continues as X-Pac is the only one going after Austin and it’s likely not even due to the money. D’Lo Brown is #28, still feeling guilty for making Terri Runnels suffer a miscarriage. Austin easily dumps Test and Boss Man gets rid of X-Pac a few seconds later.

Henry clotheslines HHH and Jarrett goes after Austin, prompting Vince to praise him in something that sounds bizarre today. HHH gets rid of Jarrett and it’s Owen Hart taking his place at #29. Owen and Brown double team Austin until HHH makes the save, presumably to get all the money for himself. Austin slips to the floor and throws water at Vince. Chyna is the first woman in the history of the Rumble at #30 and immediately dumps Henry. That earns her an elimination from Austin and we’re down to Austin, Vince, HHH, Venis, Brown, Boss Man and Owen.

We get Austin vs. HHH in a fall preview but HHH has to eliminate Venis. Austin uses the distraction to Stun HHH and toss him, leaving us with four in the ring. Brown misses a dropkick on Austin (why are these two fighting in the final five of the Royal Rumble?) and everything slows down AGAIN. Owen enziguris Austin but gets backdropped out. Boss Man punches Austin down and D’Lo hits the Low Down, only to have Boss Man throw him out.

A Stunner is enough to get rid of Boss Man and we’re down to Austin vs. Vince. Well of course we are. They fight on the floor (read as Austin beats him up even more) before Vince hits a quick low blow instead. That earns him a Stunner but Rock comes out for a distraction, allowing Vince to dump Austin and win the Rumble.

Rating: F. Do I even need to explain this one? You had Austin, possibly at the peak of his popularity, and even he couldn’t get anything out of the fans. It’s further proof that you can’t just treat your fans like garbage the entire night and then expect them to pop for your one idea.

On top of that, these shows continue to not be able to hold up. Can you imagine if this happened today? No one would buy Vince as keeping the title shot because there was no way that could happen. This result was designed to get people to watch Raw the next night to see how Austin was going to get out of this one. That’s fine at the time, but it really doesn’t hold up on a second viewing in the slightest.

It really is amazing when you consider that Russo somehow put together the worst Royal Rumble ever, followed by maybe the worst Wrestlemania of all time just two months later. Why in the world would someone think that he should be given even more power and authority? This was one of the biggest disasters I’ve ever seen and it’s almost painful to sit through all over again.

Shane and the Stooges come out to celebrate, meaning it’s time for beers. This goes on for a bit until a two minute highlight package takes us out.

Overall Rating: F+. Let’s recap here. On a six match card, you had two face wins with X-Pac and Gangrel. In other words, the face wins came in the most meaningless matches on the card. As I said in the redos of some WCW pay per views, you have to give the fans something to cheer for. This was one of the worst major shows I can remember in a long time and it’s almost all because of Russo not knowing how to write a wrestling show. This is one of those rare shows with almost nothing positive going on and it’s really amazing that they actually put this on and expected people to be entertained.

Ratings Comparison

Big Boss Man vs. Road Dogg

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C-

2016 Redo: D

Ken Shamrock vs. Billy Gunn

Original: D+

2013 Redo: C+

2016 Redo: D+

X-Pac vs. Gangrel

Original: B-

2013 Redo: C+

2016 Redo: C-

Sable vs. Luna Vachon

Original: F

2013 Redo: D

2016 Redo: F+

The Rock vs. Mankind

Original: B

2013 Redo: B

2016 Redo: B-

Royal Rumble

Original: F

2013 Redo: F

2016 Redo: F

Overall Rating

Original: D-

2013 Redo: D

2016 Redo: F+

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/18/royal-rumble-count-up-1999-please-make-it-stop/

And the original redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/01/12/royal-rumble-count-up-2013-redo-1999-disturbing-to-watch-for-multiple-reasons/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6