Monday Nitro – February 28, 2000: The Will To Fight Is Gone
Monday Nitro #229 Date: February 28, 2000
Location: Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Attendance: 4,638
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden
The big story coming out of Thunder is that the old guys are actually starting to mix it up with the younger guys in the form of Dustin Rhodes vs. Terry Funk and Vampiro vs. Ric Flair. I fully expect WCW to screw this up as only they can, but it’s nice to dream for a little while. I’m sure Luger and Hogan will be here tonight to explain how things really work in wrestling. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of the last week, with Kevin Nash thinking he’s Commissioner Gordon (yes of Batman) and Luger/Flair taking over the shows by beating up Hogan and anyone else who get in their way.
Sid arrived earlier today. Yes, he actually CAME TO WORK. Tonight he defends against Tank Abbott. Oh how this company continues to fail. Can’t we get some Greg Valentine title shots again?
Jarrett doesn’t care if Abbott wins because he has a guaranteed title shot. At least they’re wearing NWO gear now and Jeff has his US Title. They must be listening to me.
Opening sequence.
Tag Team Titles: Mamalukes vs. 2XS
The Italians are defending and the challengers tell Miss Hancock to stay in the back because she’s messing up their rat chasing. Lane and Idol start things fast but here’s Hancock for commentary as the champions take over. A kick to the head and neckbreaker drop Lane. Disco: “Why are you being so nice to her?” Madden: “SHUT UP DISCO!!!” The camera is smart enough to stay on Hancock instead of the match which sees both guys on the mat.
Idol comes in and cleans house as everything breaks down. Hancock gets on the table to dance (and keeps having to pull her skirt, if you can even call it that, down). Everyone but Vito (down) is distracted, allowing Vito to get up and plant Idol with the DDT for the pin. Tony: “Finally something happens in the match.” The match was short and we missed way too much of it looking at Hancock, making this one of the more entertaining matches in a long time.
Vito wants more dancing and Hancock is happy to oblige, only to have the Harris Twins come in to clean house. Thankfully it doesn’t seem that Hancock is with the Twins. They want a title shot.
We run down the card.
The KidCam sees Bagwell hitting on Liz. This is totally and completely different than GTV. This was also taped earlier as Luger, Liz and Flair are watching. Ric wants to take Bagwell out for this.
Bigelow picks Sid to beat Abbott tonight.
The Nitro Girls are at Ohio State as we’re getting ready for Spring Breakout.
Hogan, with his weightlifting belt back, wants a Yappapai strap match with Flair at Uncensored. You can hear the fans boo when he calls himself the greatest of all time.
Here are Flair (with another weightlifting belt), Luger and Liz with something to say. Flair yells about Hogan like the good old days when he was a psycho. Luger calls Sting a no-show (true actually) and says tonight the Stuff gets snuffed. Lex keeps going by ripping down Minnesota so here’s Curt Hennig of all people to challenge Flair to a match tonight. I haven’t heard Hennig this fired up in years. Flair says it’s on and Hennig promises to streak down the streets of Minneapolis if he loses.
Booker blames the tag team loss on Thunder on Kidman being on the floor with Torrie.
Torrie and Kidman want the KidCam back.
Nitro Girls.
Madden talks while Tony is on the phone. The results of the call: Sting will be here tonight. They needed a call to confirm that?
Jarrett promises to win the title at Uncensored and doesn’t know who Vampiro is. For some reason he specifies that it’s Uncensored 2000, as opposed to Uncensored 45.
Booker vs. Kidman
Imagine that: taking two young, talented people and having them fight each other in a meaningless match instead of building them up. Booker elbows him down for two but gets caught in a victory roll for the same. The ax kick plants Booker but here come the Harris Twins for the DQ.
Both guys take H Bombs and Torrie gets knocked off the apron.
Gene calls Cassius the mystery man. I know he isn’t a dirty old man now but I’d prefer that over stupid. Harlem Heat thinks you should have someone watching your back.
Lash Leroux thinks Sid wins tonight.
Here’s a clip of a guy with 28 inch arms at the Arnold Classic. Good for him.
Norman Smiley is going to beat up Dustin Rhodes for Dustin hurting Terry Funk. Anything new for Norman is an upgrade.
Hardcore Title: 3 Count vs. Brian Knobbs
Knobbs is defending after Finlay beat 3 Count on Wednesday. Brian fights all three of them off using the cast and everyone uses weapons. There’s a Pit Stop for Shannon and Knobbs throws him out to the floor. Tony mentions that this is a Night of Champions. Thanks for telling us that nearly halfway through the show. Moore gets powerbombed through a table but a trashcan lid shot and a dog pile is enough to pin Knobbs and give us a triple champion.
Vampiro wants to show Jeff Jarrett some pain tonight.
Knobbs wants a rematch. Finlay thinks it’s time to make 3 Count’s lives miserable, starting with a six man tag on Thunder with a surprise partner. It’s time to bring out the dog. Oh dear.
Norman Smiley vs. Dustin Rhodes
Dustin comes out to an instrumental version of his old “Well they call him the natural” theme. Norman is wearing full football pads and puts on a bearhug of all things to start. A cross body puts Dustin down but for some reason doesn’t cause him any major pain. Some dancing sends Dustin to the floor before the swinging slam sets up the Big Wiggle. Dustin will have none of this fun and the beating is on. He drops Norman chest first onto the barricade, which should have no effect due to the pads but WCW in 2000 is stupid enough to defy science. Back in and a top rope clothesline is enough to give Dustin the pin.
Nick Patrick picks Tank Abbott. I’ll give them this: at least they’re trying to make this feel important.
US Title: Vampiro vs. Jeff Jarrett
Jeff is defending and has a bunch of women with him but quickly sends them to the back. Before we get to the match, we get a quick recap of Jeff guitaring everyone, which now cost him $10,000 apiece. They start fast with headlocks into headscissors but Vampiro starts firing off the kicks. That goes nowhere so they head outside with Jarrett dropping him on the barricade to take over.
Back inside and it’s Jarrett in control but Vampiro catches himself off a monkey flip. That earns him a clothesline as this has been almost all Jarrett so far. A quick Rock Bottom gets two for Vampiro and some small packages get the same, but here are the Twins for a distraction. Sid comes out to chase them off but the referee doesn’t see the cover off Vampiro’s Nail in the Coffin. Jarrett hits a quick belt shot for two (with the bell ringing anyway), avoids the guillotine legdrop, and hits a quick Stroke to retain.
Rating: D+. Notice the difference between this and Flair vs. Vampiro on Thunder: here Vampiro got in almost nothing until a bunch of interference screwed Jarrett up. On top of that, Jarrett pinned him clean. That’s not a good way to make Vampiro look good, but this was about setting up Sid vs. Jarrett instead of doing anything for anyone else.
The Mamalukes pay a guy to give the Harris Twins a package.
Ricki Rachman, an annoying tattooed guy who does promotional stuff, talks to Disco Inferno about 3 Count while sitting at a restaurant at Ohio State. Seriously.
Fit Finlay attacked Vampiro during the break. Why you ask? Not answered, just like when he did it on Wednesday.
David Flair dances with the Nitro Girls but Daffney catches him. I’d make a “well maybe he didn’t think she was watching like everyone else” but it was too easy. Everything is cool after a few seconds.
Cruiserweight Title: The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea vs. David Flair
David is challenging and Crowbar is on commentary. Prince licks his own finger and points at David so David points back at him. Crowbar does an actually funny Gordon Solie imitation, getting in every catchphrase he can. Prince takes him down with some right hands but Crowbar shoves him off the ropes. David covers for two but the girls get in a fight, allowing Prince to hit his middle rope DDT to retain.
Sid has been attacked and a guitar is seen nearby.
The NWO leaves but the guy from earlier delivers the package to the Twins. It’s a dead fish. Eh I’ve seen worse.
Sid has been banned from strenuous physical activity. Well Sid hasn’t been strenuous in the ring for years so that should be fine. Sid comes up and says he’s fighting tonight, even though he’s dizzy.
The Cat vs. The Maestro
Cat insults some fat fans before Maestro comes out. Symphony carries out a boom box with the music Stro has to listen to as part of the bet. The boom box plays what sounds like 3 Count, Maestro freaks out and hits Cat with the boom box and gets the pin.
Liz and Luger have lost the bat.
Kidman picks Tank Abbott.
Ric Flair vs. Curt Hennig
Hennig slugs away in the corner to start and nails a backdrop, followed by some chops in the corner. Flair gets slammed off the top as this has literally been all Hennig so far. We get a ref bump because wrestling has gotten too complicated around here. The PerfectPlex has Flair in trouble but Luger comes in for the save. A low blow gives Ric the pin.
Rating: D+. This is a hard pairing to screw up but they came close with less than four minutes, a ref bump and interference. Either give them more time and cut out stuff like Cat vs. Maestro or…..actually just cut that match and give this match the time. There’s no real reason to not be able to give more than one match seven minutes or so, but they’re cramming so much stuff in here and it’s screwing up the rest of the card.
Meng, who can suddenly speak English, can’t decide who wins the main event.
More stuff from Ohio State.
Total Package vs. Buff Bagwell
Again. These two have fought more than maybe any other pair in Nitro history. So is Buff officially a face, even when he’s trying to steal someone’s woman? Some quick dropkicks have Luger in early trouble but they head outside with Luger choking away on the table. We hit a reverse chinlock back inside and Buff slaps the mat but the referee doesn’t care. How stupid does Bagwell have to be to not even blink when Bagwell taps the mat while in a submission? Bagwell gets his knees up to crotch Luger and makes his comeback, including a Vader Bomb for two. Buff goes after Liz but Flair comes in for the DQ.
Rating: D. I’m sick of these two fighting, even when you set something up earlier in the night. The fact that it’s there to set up another Luger match because he’s still getting pushed for whatever reason doesn’t help either. Flair is the highlight of this team though and at least he’s willing to help build up some stars.
They load up the Pillmanizing but Sting returns for the save. Returns after being gone for a week that is.
WCW World Title: Sid Vicious vs. Tank Abbott
Tank is challenging and comes in on a motorcycle. Sid is wobbly with glazed over eyes. I’m going to assume he’s fine. His taped up ribs seem a bit more serious. Tank grabs a front facelock and shouts GO TO SLEEP. That goes nowhere so Tank punches him in the ribs, amazingly showing some psychology. We hit a reverse chinlock before a bunch of body punches put Sid down again. Back up and Sid grabs a sleeper which he turns into the Crossface to make Tank tap.
Rating: D. Well, they tried some psychology but it wound up being a bunch of punching and chinlocks until Sid grabbed a hold to retain. This could have been far worse, but I could have gone for them sacrificing Tank to someone who needs the win instead of the World Champion. At least it was short and made sense though.
Overall Rating: D. The shows have had a bit more energy in recent weeks, but that might just be due to me giving up on fighting. It is however nice to see the younger guys at least being moved up the card, though unfortunately they haven’t actually won anything yet. This week was better, but they need to keep pushing forward and get away from these horrible main events already.
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Thunder Date: February 23, 2000
Location: Lawlor Events Center, Reno, Nevada
Attendance: 3,777
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan
After Monday it’s very clear that this is the old guys/NWO (assuming you still think of them as the NWO) show. The wrestling has taken a backseat to “let’s see how simple a feud the old guys can put together” and it’s really not working too well. There have been a few glimmers of light with some young guys getting some upgrades lately and hopefully they continue tonight. Let’s get to it.
We open with a quick recap from Monday.
Mike Graham talks to Kevin Nash but Nash’s memory is screwed up from the guitar shot. He doesn’t remember that he’s Commissioner but likes the idea once Graham reminds him.
Opening sequence.
Evan Karagias vs. Fit Finlay
Finlay breaks up the performance. There’s going to be a long list of heels for doing that. Finlay quickly slugs Karagias outside and beats up the other two to break up the interference attempt. Shannon’s chair shot has no effect so Evan takes the Regal Roll in the aisle. A trashcan lid knocks the chair out of Evan’s hands so Shane hits Fit in the back with the big green circle. Back in and Shannon hits a dropkick from behind, only to have the band screw up, allowing Finlay to tombstone Evan for the pin. One more time, please, TELL US IF IT’S HARDCORE.
Nash and the nurses are in the dressing room and they remind him that he’s the Commissioner. If he’s the Commissioner, the nurses need to call Batman because the Joker is on the loose. If that doesn’t work, call Bruce Wayne because he always knows where Batman is. I’m trying to hate this. I want to hate this. I should hate this……but this is so stupid and Nash is so funny when he’s trying to be that I’m digging it. I mean, yeah the fans are going to run away as fast as they can, but would you rather see Kevin Nash thinking he’s Commissioner Gordon from the 1960s Batman show or watch a Lex Luger match?
Jarrett says Sid loses at Uncensored.
Buff hits on Daffney like he did with Symphony on Monday, earning him a scream to the face.
Here’s Ric Flair, holding Hogan’s weightlifting belt, for a chat. Flair rips on the town and calls a fan fat boy because he’s Ric Flair and how can he not say those things? Flair mentions whipping Hogan on Monday and talks about Luger being oh so amazing. My goodness does 1988 mean nothing anymore? Since Flair has the belt and Luger has a match with Sid tonight, Ric wants an opponent. This brings out…..Vampiro? As WCW races to find out how old Vampiro is, he agrees to give Flair a beating tonight. I know Vampiro isn’t the most popular guy in the world, but a veteran fighting a young guy is very, very good.
La Parka’s dubbed voice talks about how he’s back. Gene: “Not this again.”
David Flair is annoyed at Daffney for Buff hitting on her.
Nash thinks he needs to call Alfred…..but gets Ralphus. Oh yeah this is going to be good.
Berlyn vs. La Parka
Sure why not. Berlyn rants about how much American sucks and how he can’t wait to get out of Reno. I’ll take cheap heat over no heat. La Parka does the chair dance but Berlyn doesn’t like dancing gimmicks and dropkicks him down. Fans: “USA!” La Parka tries a DDT but gets countered into a German legsweep, only to have the masked man go up top and hit a corkscrew dive for the pin in less than a minute. The TV version doesn’t make it any more logical.
Bagwell blames Kidman for the KidCam footage earlier tonight. Kidman says the camera was stolen….and doesn’t do anything else. In a normal world, that would set up a match but here, it sets up a commercial.
Shane challenges Tank Abbott to a fight. Actually Shane is now calling himself Mike Jones (his real name). Big Al and the knife aren’t mentioned, which is probably better for everyone.
Buff Bagwell vs. David Flair
David gives Daffney the crowbar and tells her to shut up. That’s not nice. A quick slam puts Buff down so he comes back and punches David in the face a few times. Buff nails a clothesline and punches Flair in the face to break up a sunset flip. I’m really not sure who I’m supposed to be cheering for here and I’m really not sure I care anyway. David loses his shirt and here come Maestro and Symphony because their thing on Monday is turning into a feud. Daffney yells at the two of them and holds up the crowbar, which David is sent into head first, setting up a reverse DDT to give Bagwell the pin.
Post match Bagwell beats up Maestro and Symphony. Again, who am I supposed to cheer for here?
SuperBrawl clips. Clips, not stills.
Tank Abbott vs. Mike Jones
It’s Virgil, who gets punched out in about a minute. I don’t think the details in between are all that important.
Ralphus comes in to see Nash (despite not recognizing him on the phone). The big man (Nash that is) thinks Sid is the Joker. Ralphus: “Concussion?” Nurse: “Bingo.” Nash: “B-I-N-G-O and Bingo was his name-o!” Dang it I laughed. Why did I have to laugh?
Vampiro vs. Ric Flair
Please don’t waste him. Please don’t waste him. Please don’t waste him. The fact that I’m begging for Vampiro to look good is a very telling sign. They start slow with Vampiro hitting an early shoulder before grabbing a legbar out of nowhere, sending Flair off to the ropes. Vampiro flips out of a knee crusher and hits some clotheslines. Flair bails to the floor as we’re firmly in his formula. Back in and Flair gets in a thumb to the eye to set up the chops in the corner.
That earns Flair a spinwheel kick as this is going exactly as it needed to. The guillotine legdrop misses though and we’ve got a knee injury. My goodness Flair has a great luck streak of opponents coming up with a bad knee against him. Some kicks to the leg set up a Figure Four but Vampiro small packages him for two. Cue Luger and Liz to make sure Vampiro is put in his place. Vampiro kicks him down again but Luger hits him in the knee with a ball bat, setting up the Figure Four for the win.
Rating: C. Well….it was an improvement. Notice that Flair is more than willing to let Vampiro get in a ton of offense before the ending, making it a far more even match. That’s the key thing that so many wrestlers never got: you can take a beating and even take a loss, because if you’re someone at or even near Flair’s level, you can get a single win or cut a single promo and no one is going to remember this. For Vampiro, it’s one of the biggest matches of his career. Why almost no one else ever got that is beyond me, but it would have done wonders for WCW.
Vampiro gets a big beatdown post match.
Kidman and Booker are a team now.
Vampiro won the match by DQ due to Luger and Flair beating him down. It’s better than nothing at least. For some reason Finlay jumps Vampiro from behind.
We recap Dustin Rhodes turning on Funk on Nitro.
Here’s Dustin to explain his actions, but first he has to tell a fan to shut up. If Funk respects him so much, why did he do what he did on Monday? He was born and bred into this business to be great but all he wound up with was a broken home and a closet full of gold costumes. If you don’t like his new attitude, you can all CENSORED off because he doesn’t care anymore. Dustin remembers all the nights that Terry put his daddy in the hospital.
Dusty isn’t here anymore but Dustin is here to kill Funk if he messes with the Rhodes Family. He can’t wait to light up a victory cigar and put it out on Funk….who appears on the screen. If Dustin wants to rekindle the Rhodes vs. Funk feud then so be it, because both Dusty and Dustin are big piles of manure. Dustin beats up some production guys because he’s an EVIL cowboy. It was a pretty good promo, but it’s setting up a match against Terry Funk, which defeats the purpose.
This Week In WCW Motorsports.
Mickie Jay gets permission to beat up Slick Johnson. Why is this still a thing? Seriously, who thinks that a referee feud is worth anything? If it isn’t Nick Patrick or Earl Hebner or Charles Robinson not as Little Naitch, who cares?
Cruiserweight Title: The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea vs. Crowbar
Prince is defending, but first we get to hear Paisley talk about what a genius he is. Right. Anyway, after Crowbar lays his namesake gently in the corner, Prince slaps him in the face to get things going. Iaukea slowly stomps away because that’s what fans want out of the cruiserweight division. An attempt at a toss over the ropes doesn’t work though and Crowbar headscissors him out to the floor.
Crowbar hits a splash off the apron but Charles Robinson grabs Crowbar’s crowbar to keep this fair. Back in and the middle rope DDT is countered into a northern lights suplex for two on the champion but the girls get involved to flirt with the opposite guys. Cue a catfight with Daffney losing her wig, allowing Iaukea to hit a superkick and the middle rope DDT (read as a forearm to the back) to retain the title.
Rating: D+. Iaukea reminds me of the old World Junior Heavyweight Champions from the early 1980s. They didn’t wrestle anything like the cruiserweight style and were really just wrestlers at a lower weight having matches, which doesn’t make for entertaining matches most of the time. Crowbar continues to be a hidden gem and likely destined to be cannon fodder for Brian Knobbs.
Sid is ready for the main event against Luger.
The Wall vs. Disco Inferno
2XS attacks the Mamalukes in the back, leaving Disco all alone. Panic sets in and Disco tries to offer Wall a handicap title match but gets kicked in the face instead. A press slam drops Disco again but he avoids a charge in the corner. Disco hammers away with a clothesline, punches, stomps and a neckbreaker but runs right into the chokeslam for the pin. Wall wins again, which is a good sign before some old midcarder beats him.
Luger and Liz are ready for Sid. For some reason Luger calls himself Sid.
Booker/Kidman vs. Harris Twins
So much for letting this build up. The Leave it to Beaver music is gone, somehow making Booker even lamer. Ron throws Kidman around to start until Kidman scores with a dropkick and Bodog. That’s about it for Ron selling though as he throws Kidman outside instead of trying to do anything interesting. To be fair it’s getting him the biggest push of his career so why change things up? Back in and a side slam sets up the tag off to Don, who whips Kidman across the ring twice and tags back out.
Kidman finally counters a slam with a headscissors and makes the hot ta…..oh wait I can’t say hot for Booker after the lawsuit. Uh…..Kidman makes the tag with absolutely no temperature relevance whatsoever and Booker cleans house. A Rock Bottom plants Don and sets up the ax kick but Kidman gets laid out on the floor, allowing an H Bomb to pin Booker.
Rating: D+. So let me make sure I’ve got this straight: Booker has been in a feud about the letter T. and Kidman has been having a semi-featured feud with Vampiro and now they’re teaming together for a glorified squash against the Harris Twins, who are lackeys for a midcard champion chasing the World Title. Welcome to WCW in 2000.
Video on Regal vs. Duggan for the TV Title this Saturday on Saturday Night. That sounds like a way to write Regal out of the company.
Total Package vs. Sid Vicious
Non-title and the NWO is watching from the back. Sid shoves Luger around with ease and throws him to the floor for the worst ram into the steps I’ve ever seen. There must have been at least ten inches between Lex’s face and the steps but he sold it anyway. These guys just do not care anymore and it’s very obvious. Back in and Lex wins a test of strength but Sid fights up as heroes always do. The powerbomb is loaded up but Flair runs in to slug away on Sid for no effect. Luger gets chokeslammed but Liz gives him the ball bat to break up a powerbomb for the DQ. Yeah that Flair interference wasn’t enough for a bell.
Rating: D. Maybe in 1990 but it doesn’t work here. This was another lame main event match between the “draws” as Luger continues to be one of the worst top stars I’ve seen in a long time. All he does are forearms and punches plus the motion for the Rack. Luger and Flair are decent as a heel team but it stops as soon as Lex gets in the ring.
Flair and Luger beat Sid up and the NWO (you can tell it’s them as they now have an NWO sign in their room) is stopped by some referees. Jarrett guitars Mickie Jay to end the show.
Overall Rating: D. This was still bad, but it was at least better. There are some things going on in here like the Flair vs. Vampiro match and the KidCam stuff, but of course there’s more than enough bad bringing it back down. The Dustin vs. Funk feud could work better if Funk could actually work a match instead of a brawl, but at least there’s something new there. I’ll take small glimmers where I can get them, but this was just a few steps better than the drek they’ve been putting on recently.
SuperBrawl 2000: A Failure Of Existence
SuperBrawl 2000 Date: February 20, 2000
Location: Cow Palace, San Francisco, California
Attendance: 8,569
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Mike Tenay
Well the TV shows have been some of the least interesting things I’ve ever had to sit through, so maybe the pay per view will be the complete opposite and be entertaining. I mean, stranger things have happened right? The main events tonight are Sid Vicious defending the World Title against Jeff Jarrett and Scott Hall in a three way, plus Hogan vs. Luger and Funk vs. Flair because they haven’t replaced the Radicalz, but these old guys are still going to be fighting each other no matter who else is on the card. Let’s get to it.
The opening video starts by focusing on Funk vs. Flair. The start of Funk’s promo overlaps the opening narration as they can’t even get something simple like “wait five more seconds” right. Sid defending the World Title is billed third here.
We open with, of course, a promo. Jarrett and the Twins leave the Commissioner’s office along with the girls, much to Gene’s shock. Much to my shock too as the Twins were banned from the building. Jarrett says he’s in charge due to hitting Nash with the guitar on Thunder. His first ruling: the Twins are allowed at ringside.
The announcers run down the card to fill in even more time, including the “Special Main Event Match” with The Demon vs. The Wall.
We recap the Cruiserweight Title tournament, including the matches between people not even in the finals. This gets us to over ten minutes of filler before the first match starts.
Cruiserweight Title: The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea vs. Lash Leroux
The title is vacant coming in and Artist has Paisley with him. Lash spanks Paisley and gets punched in the face. Some southern gentleman. Prince hammers away at the shoulder (allegedly head) in the corner but gets shoved down onto a very loud ring. Lash’s version of Flip Flop and Fly is broken up by a superkick to the face, only to get sent to the floor for a dive from the southern non-gentleman. Back in and Prince doesn’t seem to mind being crushed by a dive as he ties Lash up in the Tree of Woe for a running knee. Oh yeah Kevin Sullivan is in charge.
Lash tries a sunset flip but Iaukea grabs Charles Robinson’s crotch to stay on his feet before licking his own finger and pressing it to Lash’s head. The Artist keeps yelling at the referee (to be fair Robinson didn’t seem to like having his crotch grabbed) and Paisley gets on the apron for no apparent reason other than to give us a bright purple bodysuit as a distraction. Lash slugs away but the Paisley distraction lets Prince hit the middle rope DDT for the pin and the title.
Rating: D. This was a Thunder match with a lame ending that did nothing to get the fans into the show. These two are the least interesting guys in the entire tournament (yes, less interesting than Kaz Hayashi) and they wind up in the finals. A member of 3 Count should have won this and then feuded with some other cruiserweight to build that person up as the new big deal. Instead it goes to Iaukea, who isn’t over and hasn’t been over in about three years since he beat Regal for the TV Title. Calling him over back then is a stretch but it’s as close as he ever got otherwise.
Norman Smiley has his ribs taped up after being chokeslammed through a table on Thunder.
Brian Knobbs yells about never giving up.
There’s a private room that no one is allowed inside. If no one is allowed inside, why bother looking at it? In theory wouldn’t that mean no one is inside in the first place?
Hardcore Title: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Brian Knobbs
Brian is challenging so naturally he lost on TV this week. He also has a broken arm thanks to Luger. The brawl starts early and here’s Fit Finlay, who has been feuding with Knobbs in recent weeks but of course starts helping him here. Madden: “The title moves around a lot.” Bigelow is the third champion in about four months. That’s not moving around that fast. The World Title has changed hands seven times in January. If the Hardcore Title moves around a lot, the World Title took third in the 100m at the 1984 Olympics.
Knobbs and Bigelow fight into the back as Tenay says no one holds the belt that long. The first reign was a month and a half and the second was about a month. Would a little research kill these people? Bigelow throws him into a table of stuff but Finlay blasts the champ in the back of the head. Finlay is too talented to be involved here though and Knobbs says he wants to do this himself.
They head back to the ring where it’s table time, which leads to an interesting, semi-fourth wall breaking discussion of why there are so many tables under the ring. Knobbs sends himself through the table by mistake, setting up the Greetings From Asbury Park. Bigelow goes up top instead of covering and gets hit with with cast, knocking him out to the floor to give Brian the pin and the title.
Rating: F. It was boring, it didn’t make sense, and above all else it was poorly researched. If there’s one thing I want in my hardcore matches, it’s a heavily detailed bibliography with footnotes and references, along with a recommendation of other hardcore matches worth watching for further education. Is that too much to ask?
Flair and Luger are ready.
Sid and Hall’s dressing rooms are guarded.
3 Count vs. Norman Smiley
No singing tonight because it’s time to fight. No shoulder pads for Norman tonight either. Norman’s ribs are injured thanks to Wall chokeslamming him through a table. Tony: “Let’s take a look at the angle that lead to his injury.” Smiley cleans house to start and backdrops Shannon so hard over the top that he clears the other band members.
3 Count takes over without going after the ribs, though in their defense the ribs are covered by a 49ers jersey. The ribs are fine enough for a giant swing to Helms but Shannon breaks up the Big Wiggle. Shane and Shannon stop to dance, allowing Norman to wiggle instead. The band finally finds the bad ribs and stomps Norman down in the corner, setting up a pair of top rope splashes and a Boston crab to make Smiley give up.
Rating: D. So you give Norman a 3-1 disadvantage and an injury and then have him lose. Points for being logical, points taken away for killing the crowd by having the fan favorite lose. I like that they’re pushing 3 Count, but if they think this is going to get the fans to care about them, they’re even more lost than I thought.
Jarrett wants the Harris Brothers to find out who is in the locked room.
The Demon vs. The Wall
This is the MAIN EVENT MATCH, which is WCW’s way of fulfilling their contract with Kiss without wasting a main event on Demon. There’s no Wall because he realized how stupid this whole thing is. Demon goes to find him and gets jumped from behind, triggering another brawl.
Wall takes it inside and chokes with his boot as this is looking like a squash to start. Demon comes back with a clothesline and stomps away before mixing it up by punching in the corner. Back up and Wall drops him ribs first onto the ropes, only to get slammed off the top. The fans are already jeering this match so thankfully Wall chokeslams him off the top for the pin.
Rating: F. On pay per view mind you. This actually happened on pay per view. But it was a MAIN EVENT MATCH so everything is fine right? Demon was a character that was dead in the water before he started but at least they seem to be trying with Wall. I’d be stunned if he isn’t just being built up as cannon fodder for someone else but he’s getting a push for now.
Ernest Miller promises that James Brown is here. Apparently Beethoven stole his stuff from Little Richard, who stole it from James Brown. The things you learn around here.
The Twins can’t get into the room.
We recap Tank Abbott vs. Big Al, because this needs a story. Actually it does, as I have no idea why they’re fighting. Al is Tank’s former bodyguard from the UFC, so they’re having a leather jacket on a pole match.
Tank Abbott vs. Big Al
Al is in jeans and a biker vest. He takes off his belt and they tie their hands together, which means Tank is going to have to……oh dear goodness he’s going to have to wrestle. Or just throw left hands and swear a lot. Al hits him with a forearm that breaks the belt and seems to knock Tank out cold. Then he takes forever to wrap Tank’s legs around the post but stops, says that’s too good for him, and gets back inside. Back in and Al stands on his face, making sure to lean against the ropes.
Tank slugs him down and then throws Al onto his shoulders. For some reason he climbs all the way to the top, where he drops Al down, sending him feet first into the steps and head second onto the floor. By the way, to Bill Watts, THAT’S WHY YOU HAVE MATS OUT THERE (I read his book recently and he still thinks the biggest danger is a sprained ankle if you step on the edge). With Al somewhere between unconscious and dead, Tank goes out and hits him once in the chest before going up for the jacket and the win.
Rating: Spencer Tracy in Father of the Bride. That’s as logical of a rating as I can give you after this. We had Al, who just appeared but has never wrestled before and I don’t believe will after this match, against Tank Abbott, who also isn’t a wrestler (at least by my definition), in a match about a leather jacket. Throw in the likely brain trauma for Al and this is one of the biggest calamities I’ve ever seen.
And now, for the infamous part. Abbott finds a knife in one of the jacket pockets and holds it over the unconscious Al’s throat, where he says he could kill Al right now. Tony suggests that they were scissors and that Abbott was going to cut Al’s beard. That line has been mocked a lot over the years, but I’ll actually give Tony credit for thinking it up that fast. Have you got a better idea for what he should be saying there? Now that being said, it would have been a lot better if Al actually had a beard.
We recap the battle of Harlem Heat. Stevie Ray claimed that Booker had forgotten where he came from and has since given Booker’s spot on the team to Big T. This of course includes the rights to the letter T. Booker was also arrested on attempted murder charges because he hit an atomic drop on J. Biggs. That’s a bit harsh. I mean, maybe he was just trying to cut off Biggs’ beard.
Booker tries to keep it simple by saying he’ll teach Big T. a lesson tonight. The T isn’t mentioned.
Booker vs. Big T.
For the rights to Harlem Heat. Oh and Booker has Leave It To Beaver music because he’s lost the rights to the Harlem Heat song. Stevie has promised that someone is coming back from Booker’s past to cost him the match tonight. That pretty much leaves Sherri Martel and Midnight unless it’s someone new. T. pounds on not-T to start but Booker comes back with a weak Angle Slam and a suplex.
Stevie grabs Booker’s foot (sounds like a hostile takeover of the B on Booker’s boot) so T. can knock Booker to the floor. Back in and Booker hits his kicks before knocking Biggs off the apron. There’s the Book End and missile dropkick but the lights go out. Thank goodness the referee counted so slowly. The bell tolls midnight and the lights come up with a large man (maybe 4×4 from the No Limit Soldiers) to distract Booker, setting up the Pearl River Plunge to pin Booker. I guess it was too much to ask the guy to actually do anything but stand there.
Rating: D-. Now, NEVER LET THEM FIGHT AGAIN. Big T. is worthless at this point and adding someone even bigger doesn’t make the team mean anything more. Booker is stuck in this stupid story because the idea of moving him up the card is a sin of some sort. I’m sure we’ll get another match though as Booker will find someone to team with him next time.
The Maestro is sick of hearing about James Brown and has a bet in mind: if Brown isn’t here, Miller has to be Maestro’s servant. If Brown is here, Maestro will listen to any music Miller picks exclusively. Keep in mind that this whole bet has been set up on the night of the show with about 100 minutes of air time left. This falls under the theory that if you have a good looking woman in the background (Symphony here), the scene is much easier to sit through.
The Twins beat up a backstage worker who can’t unlock the door. I know they’re not known for being too bright, but is it that complicated to have two 6’6 300lb monsters kick in a wooden door?
We get a WAY too long recap of Kidman vs. Vampiro, who had two good TV matches and then Vampiro walked out on him in a tag match. Tonight is the tiebreaker and the Wall is also involved in some way, though he isn’t appearing in this match. Therefore, I’m sure you get why he’s featured in the recap video. The video goes on for nearly two minutes, which might set a record for the longest recap of a midcard match ever.
Vampiro vs. Kidman
The announcers spend the entrances talking about how Kidman has moved up from the Cruiserweight division, which is a nice sentiment but I’m not sure how accurate it really is given that he’s fighting Vampiro in a midcard match. Feeling out process to start with Kidman grabbing a headlock (a non-cruiserweight headlock of course) but Vampiro punches him in the head, allowing Kidman to hurricanrana him out to the floor.
Back in and Vampiro scores with a dropkick as the fans are eerily silent. A quick shot of Torrie helps a bit and Kidman counters a powerbomb (duh), only to have his knee dropkicked out from under him. Torrie gets knocked off the apron so Kidman snaps Vampiro’s neck across the top to go check on her. Madden does his best Jerry Lawler impression but it comes off as far more creepy stalker than loveable dirty old man like Lawler. Vampiro slams Kidman in and gets two off a snap suplex.
A Fameasser (called the Dropper according to Tenay) gets two more as Madden makes up a bit for being creepy by saying this could be a US Title match in a year and a World Title match in two years. Kidman’s top rope hurricanrana (which he used to win the first match) gets two but Vampiro blows my mind by doing the unthinkable: he powerbombs Kidman……TWICE!!! Since the announcers don’t get one of Kidman’s biggest deal, they treat this as nothing special.
In a very quick ending, Kidman goes up top for a sunset bomb but turns around into a kind of super reverse DDT for the pin. It looked really awkward and Vampiro is slow to get up. It’s not quite Big Al being dropped onto the concrete from above the top rope, but that was a totally non-cruiserweight pulling Vampiro down in a reverse DDT. That has to hurt.
Rating: C-. Pretty uninspired stuff here but at least they only took seven matches to get something to go six minutes. This was treated like a big feud but it never came off as anything more than taking two guys with talent and throwing them together because the company had nothing better to do with them. Somehow I’m sure they’ll be blamed for the crowd not caring after an hour of really dull stuff.
Funk promises to win the death match with Dustin Rhodes in his corner.
Sid tells security to get away from his door.
David Flair, Daffney and Crowbar have fun with the stretcher.
We recap the Tag Team Title match, which is over Vito’s sister’s wedding being broken up by the crazy people. Therefore, tonight is an Italian stretcher match for the Mamalukes’ titles in the third match between these teams.
The Mamalukes don’t accept their family being hurt by anyone. It’s so bad that Johnny doesn’t want a cheese sandwich.
Tag Team Titles: Crowbar/David Flair vs. Mamalukes
Mamalukes are defending and this is suddenly a Sicilian stretcher match. Both members of a team have to be taken up the aisle on stretchers to end this. The brawl starts on the floor, as you would expect, with Disco getting in on commentary as you would also expect. Naturally we look at him as Tony says this is a shoot to him. This is one place where I would prefer WWE’s current way too tough commentary restrictions. If any of those words were spoken on Raw, Vince would probably come out and beat Cole senseless live on TV.
The champions run down the crazy guys with a stretcher, which Daffney finds hilarious. They head inside instead of trying to take them the other way on the stretcher because this company’s wrestlers aren’t that bright. Daffney comes in for a hurricanrana on Johnny, which seems to just annoy him. A lead pipe to the back (so lead that it bends as it hits Johnny) puts Johnny down again and the champs are in trouble. The fans are trying to get into this but it’s really not lasting. My hearing isn’t lasting either after Daffney screeches into the camera.
Crowbar hits a Lionsault onto Vito and it’s time to break up the stretcher. Tony does his “I can’t believe we’re watching this” voice and Vito powerbombs Crowbar through the table. Apparently Disco has been poked in the eye and can’t tell what is happening to who. Johnny jumps from the mat to the top rope ala Shelton Benjamin for a spinning legdrop (with an acceptable pause for balance).
David is taped onto the stretcher and the referees wheel it to the back because……I don’t care why because this is closer to being over. Crowbar dives onto both Mamalukes as the fans are just silent here. Daffney rings the bell to confuse things even more, which somehow takes two minutes for the announcers to figure out. Vito splashes Crowbar through a table on the floor and puts he and Daffney (Madden: “The screams are usually a sign she’s enjoying herself.”) on the stretcher to finally end this.
Rating: D. There are multiple problems here, but the biggest problem is who was in the match. Flair and Crowbar are a freakshow team and the Mamalukes are just ok. That’s the problem with them: they’re just so average that there’s nothing interesting to say about them. The other problem here is we’ve covered this already. The Mamalukes have beaten Flair and Crowbar three times now and there’s nothing left to say with this feud. Unfortunately, who else is there for them to feud with? 3 Count? The Harris Twins? That’s about as good as the division has at this point, which goes back to my request: HIRE NEW PEOPLE!
With the Mamalukes’ music still playing, Jarrett and the Twins leave their locker room. This was a fifteen second segment and changed nothing.
Sid promises to prove that he’s the World Champion because he deserves to be.
Here’s Ernest Miller for the big talking segment, which for some reason is about ERNEST MILLER. He dances to the ring and rips on the fans for being rednecks who didn’t believe he could get James Brown. “You didn’t believe me and James Brown were like two neckbones in a pot!” After some more insults, here’s a James Brown impersonator so bad that Rick Bognar is off somewhere shaking his head.
Cue the Maestro and Symphony because this is really happening on pay per view. Maestro sounds like he’s trying to use an accent but can’t decide what country it’s supposed to be from. Miller isn’t going to do anything Maestro says and there goes James’ sunglasses, revealing that it’s not the real one.
Cue a bunch of dancers, leading down the real James Brown with another entourage. The Maestro’s reaction (jaw hanging open and then fainting) is awesome but this just keeps going to destroy any good feelings. Miller and Brown dance and I think this is a face turn. I know I want to cheer for someone who was calling the fans stupid rednecks when this started but hey, he brought out a singer to dance with him.
The announcers act like this is awesome as it just continues. Brown gives Miller his cape for a passing of the torch or whatever but they have to pose on the apron before this is finally done. Total time between Miller’s music starting and cutting to ANYTHING else: 12:06, or longer than any match so far.
Hall talks about how he can go and the James Brown music is playing over his promo.
We recap Ric Flair vs. Terry Funk, which started with Funk saying he’s a bigger legend and that Flair is jealous. David Flair got beaten up but Ric wouldn’t help him, causing Arn Anderson to walk away from Ric. This is somehow a sequel to their famous feud in 1989 because there was no one young and talented for either guy to put over.
Flair says he’s awesome and drops a lot of catchphrases.
If you buy this show, you get a teddy bear! I could use a teddy bear to hold and rock back and forth as I scream into the darkness if the rest of the show is as bad as the first two hours.
Ric Flair vs. Terry Funk
Death match, meaning last man standing but you have to get a fall before the ten count starts. Dustin Rhodes is sitting in a chair to cheer Funk on as the guys slug it out in the corner. Flair rolls outside and the stalling begins but Funk quickly suplexes him back inside. There’s the spinning toehold but Flair punches his way out of it. They fight outside with Funk hitting another suplex as this is already in slow motion.
Ric is up first, only to take another suplex, drawing some very inappropriate language. He must have been watching that Tank Abbott mess earlier. Either way, the second suplex is good for a pin but Flair is up at five. To be fair it was just a suplex. Back up and Flair goes after the knees with some kicks and chair shots as Madden tries to play this off as a dramatic silence.
The Figure Four in the ring makes Funk give up quickly for a strategy play and is up before the count even gets close. Flair gets slammed off the top and piledriven on the floor but Funk would rather take back the floor mats than cover. They slug it out again because a piledriver on the floor only keeps you down for about ten seconds these days. Another piledriver on the mats gets a pin but Flair is up at about seven.
It’s table time but Funk has something to say first. He offers Ric the chance to quit and the response earns Flair a mic to the head. Normally that would be a heel move but I don’t think they have any idea who is a face or heel here so it’s acceptable. Funk puts Flair on the table as we cut to Dustin to remind us that he’s here. A really good looking piledriver through the table in the ring knocks Ric silly for…..two, as Terry pulls Ric up before the pin. Funk loads up another table and then covers (huh?) before hammering away at the head. Ric gets up and throws Funk through the table for the pin and the ten count to win.
Rating: C+. Good brawl here but the match was basically in slow motion throughout and the ending was lame. Dustin added nothing to this match and I still have no idea who I was supposed to cheer for. Also, Flair gets piledriven through a table and is on his feet less than two minutes later? Really? Still though, these two are going to have a good match through pure greatness and that’s how they pulled this one off.
Hulk Hogan, straight out of 1994, says the arm is just the break he’s been looking for. They had been teasing a Hulk/Hollywood hybrid coming into the show and there’s no sign of it. Of course. Hulk is willing to snap and crackle Liz if necessary.
Hulk Hogan vs. Total Package
Hogan has a broken arm coming in. Buffer’s entrance: “LET’S BRING EM ON!” Luger jumps him (Hogan, not Buffer) as he hits the ring but Hulk goes to the eyes, which is considered a Hollywood move. The rapid (work with me here) elbows (all two of them) set up some choking and Luger is thrown to the floor for the t-shirt rip. Hogan’s back being to the camera for the big shirt rip clearly shows that he doesn’t know how to work. Hogan slugs away on the floor but comes back inside to eat an elbow to the jaw. Oh yeah this is just going to be a punch and kick match.
Luger takes him back outside for some whips into the barricade but a cast shot to the face staggers Package. Ten rams each into two buckles set up a big right hand as the fans aren’t thrilled with Hogan’s schtick. A Liz distraction lets Luger get in more forearms to the back but Hogan sends him into the barricade again. Hart steals a ball bat from Liz, a suplex is no sold, Luger hits him low, Hart and Hogan both use their casts and the legdrop finishes Lex.
Rating: D. Remember a little while ago when Flair and Funk took a pretty lame match and made it work through pure charisma? Well apparently that only works if you have both guys trying as Hogan was his normal self but Luger was just walking through this match and doing even less than usual. You can’t even have Hulk no sell the steel forearm? The best we can get is a suplex? Worthless match but Hogan’s formula worked so long for a reason.
Post match Flair comes in to go after Hogan’s leg but Sting, with new makeup, returns for the big save. This segment could have easily taken place in 1995 and no one would have noticed the difference.
Hall comes out of his dressing room and sends the security away.
Sid does the same. These segments felt like the build to a commercial.
We recap the World Title match which is Sid defending against two guys feuding over the NWO shenanigans. That stable needs to die (again) already.
The door has been opened and apparently it wasn’t Sting inside. Thankfully they say Sting came from elsewhere in the arena to close a loophole. Unfortunately they leave open the “there was a cameraman on the door so HOW DO WE NOT KNOW WHO WAS INSIDE” loophole.
WCW World Title: Sid Vicious vs. Scott Hall vs. Jeff Jarrett
Sid is defending and this is one fall to a finish with No DQ. Jarrett is introduced as a five time World Champion combined (what does that even mean?) but not the US Champion. That’s awful even by WCW standards. Hall and Jarrett start fighting before Sid comes to the ring and we’ve got less than nine minutes to go in the show. Points to Buffer for still doing Sid’s entrance while Jarrett is running from Hall.
The champ gets double teamed as Hall and Jarrett’s feud is dropped for fear of Sid. That goes nowhere as the Twins interfere to give Jeff control. Jarrett stomps on both guys and Hall doesn’t even let him put on the sleeper before reversing it. The referee is decked maybe three minutes into this, which really shouldn’t mean much given that this is No DQ.
A double chokeslam (with Jeff jumping before Sid even had time to think about moving his arm. I know Sid is Sid, but Jarrett is better than that) gets two from new referee Nick Patrick and Ron gives Jarrett the belt. Sid gets knocked out and Hall grabs some rollups for two each on Jeff, who knocks the second referee out. Sid throws Jeff into a chair, allowing a third referee to count two for Hall. Sid fights the Twins but Jeff pokes the referee in the eye and gives him a Stroke. Come on just get to the finish.
Jarrett beats up the fourth referee before he can do anything and here’s crooked referee Slick Johnson. The Outsider’s Edge plants Jeff but Johnson has a sudden shoulder injury. I’m counting that as a ref bump. The guitar lays out Jarrett and here’s…..oh sweet goodness Roddy Piper is here in a referee’s shirt. He stops Johnson’s count at two, pokes Jarrett in the eye, and watches Sid plant Jeff with a chokeslam. Sid powerbombs Hall to retain with Piper counting, which is the last time we’ll see Hall in a WCW match.
Rating: F. This is another match where if you need an explanation, you haven’t been paying close enough attention. The match ran seven minutes, meaning we had a ref bump about every 100 seconds. On top of that, why does WCW insist on putting Roddy Piper on TV so often? It’s like Undertaker returning over and over: it works for awhile, and then there’s enough of them to make a full on DVD.
Overall Rating: F-. This show is one of the worst kind you can have: it didn’t need to exist and then on top of that it was horrible. What on here couldn’t have been done on TV? Even Flair vs. Funk, the longest match of the night by far at just under sixteen minutes, felt like a TV main event. There are matches on here that feel like they could be TV openers, which is nowhere near enough to make me want to pay to see this show. If the biggest things to happen on a show are a tournament final for the lowest title in the company and ANOTHER Roddy Piper return, there is no need for a show to exist, especially one this horrible.
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Thunder – February 16, 2000: Split Personality Hogan
Thunder Date: February 16, 2000
Location: First Union Spectrum, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 5,586 Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Mike Tenay
It’s the go home show for SuperBrawl and the old guys abound. The big stories here are Hogan vs. Luger and Flair vs. Funk, one of which I can’t imagine appearing tonight because he’s worked the last two shows in a row. Other than that we get to find out if Prince Iaukea or Psychosis gets to fight Lash Leroux for the Cruiserweight Title. I continue to beg WCW to hire some fresh talent before too late sounds like great days gone by. Let’s get to it.
There’s a new opening sequence, which is a bit better looking than the previous one. This at least has more wrestling clips included.
Here’s executive representative Terry Taylor to open things up. Jeff Jarrett has been hitting too many people with guitars lately and Sid got into a fight with Hall in a hotel (meaning Hall got drunk/high on a flight, so he’s gone for a bit). Sid has volunteered to leave the building for the night as a result, which scares me to think about what could be headlining this show. Cue Jarrett to complain about people screwing with him and promises to take care of Sid and Hall on Sunday. Taylor takes a guitar and spray paint, which is going to get Jarrett over as the huge heel everyone knows he’s capable of being right?
Card rundown.
Cruiserweight Title Tournament Semi-Finals: The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea vs. Kaz Hayashi
Kaz is substituting for an injured Psychosis and the winner gets Lash Leroux on Sunday. Prince punches away in the middle and in the corner to start as Miss Hancock is here to watch. The punches go nowhere so Kaz hits a clothesline and punches of his own. A spinwheel kick drops Prince again but it’s time for the girls to get into it. That earns Hancock an ejection, allowing us to completely focus on this boring match. Prince avoids a backdrop and slaps Kaz in the face, followed by a dragon screw leg whip. The cool middle rope DDT sends Prince to the finals after a boring match.
Nash isn’t happy with Jarrett attacking Taylor.
Norman Smiley vs. The Wall
Smiley is rocking the Flyers gear this week. Wall no sells some clotheslines and kicks Norman square in the jaw, putting him out to the floor. That would be a better finisher than yet another person using a chokeslam. Norman whips him into the barricade but Wall shrugs it off again and plants him with a backbreaker. He may be a comedy guy but Norman can sell this power offense very well. Wall misses a sitdown splash and Norman comes back with his usual, only to dive off the middle rope into the chokeslam for the pin.
Rating: D. Bad result aside, it was always entertaining to see Norman out there doing his thing. What isn’t entertaining though is to see the same waste of a talent like Smiley for the sake of pushing some monster like Wall. However, at least Wall is someone young (33 here) getting a push. It’s better than the norm around here.
Norman gets chokeslammed through a table and EMTs come out to check on him.
Tank Abbott vs. Van Hammer
Tank wins with the usual in 45 seconds. Are they trying to recreate Goldberg?
Kidman yells at Vampiro backstage.
DDP book plug.
Nash hits on his nurses.
Here are Luger and Liz with something to say. Luger has turned the two of them into stars when he broke Hogan’s arm on Monday (not when he won the World Title or anything). He doesn’t need to brag about his incredible body because he has a new partner in Ric Flair. This brings out Ric, who shouts down fat boys and insults the Philadelphia fans by saying he and Luger are real athletes unlike Eric Lindros.
After some bragging about hurting Funk, here are Terry and Dustin Rhodes to say this is hardcore country. Ah yes, it had been a few weeks since they had used ECW to get their boring shows over. Funk says Dustin is better than his daddy and a challenge for a tag match is thrown down. Even the promos to set up the main events are boring.
The Mamalukes want to hurt David and Crowbar on Sunday. They’re Italians you see.
Harris Brothers vs. Kidman/Vampiro
Vampiro has new music but the Twins are a little bit country and jump him to start. A quick kick to the face staggers Ron and the hot tag brings in Kidman to dive onto both of them. Vampiro isn’t paying attention when Kidman tags him in though as these two guys, who spent weeks fighting, amazingly can’t get along.
Ron side slams Vampiro to take over before it’s off to Don for a Rock Bottom and powerslam. A chinlock goes nowhere so Vampiro comes back with a spinwheel kick and makes the tag. Kidman cleans house and hits his Bodog as Vampiro walks out, only to come back and take a chair that was aimed at Kidman, giving Don the pin.
Rating: D+. Can we just have Vampiro and Kidman fight again so we can get this over with? Maybe one of them can move up the ladder a bit as a result, but I’d assume they’ll be thrown into another meaningless midcard feud because they’re talented enough to put some worry into the people on top, who are guaranteed their spots because they’re the top stars.
Big Vito vs. Crowbar
Street fight. In the back, the Mamalukes jump Crowbar and lock David and Daffney in their locker room. Who would give those two a locker room? Couldn’t you put them in a storage closet and let them have fun there instead? Vito backdrops Crowbar onto a car but Crowbar does the same off a suplex and drops a leg for two. Daffney has escaped the room and is throwing what appear to be vegetables at the guys. Vito stomps away, throws Crowbar into a car and drops an elbow (just a regular elbow) for the pin. So much for that going anywhere.
Nash continues to hit on the nurses.
This Week In WCW Motorsports.
Mark Johnson vs. Mickie Jay
Yes they’re referees and yes, this is getting time instead of any of those young wrestlers who might benefit from a TV match. Mark, the evil crooked one, jumps Mickie from behind and wraps his leg around the post. Back in and more knee work sets up a middle rope elbow but Mark only hits mat. Cue the Harris Brothers to distract the referee, allowing the other to kick Mickie down for the pin. If this is the best use of their TV time, cancel Thunder already.
Fit Finlay vs. Brian Knobbs
This is a cast match before both guys have broken arms and Jimmy Hart, with a broken arm of his own, is guest referee. They’re quickly on the floor with Knobbs being sent arm first into the steps before the brawl goes into the crowd. Since you can’t see anything they quickly come back with Brian being sent into various metal objects. The Regal Roll gets two but Jimmy hurts his arm slapping the mat on the count. Finlay gets in a quick cast shot for the pin with Jimmy using the good arm to count. Another meaningless match with a #1 contender losing.
Jarrett is ticked off. As always.
We recap Hogan’s arm being broken.
In a pre-taped promo, Hogan talks about transforming into Hollywood and wanting to break Liz in half. I’ll let that one speak for itself, but my goodness drop the Hollywood character.
Dustin Rhodes/Terry Funk vs. Ric Flair/Total Package
Funk and Flair get things going with Terry taking him down for some left hands to the head. Everything quickly breaks down and Luger has to save Flair from a piledriver through the table. Back in again and Flair hits Terry low to take over. That’s fine with Terry who slams Ric off the top and loads up the spinning toe hold, only to have Luger make another save.
The heels finally start cutting the ring off and take over as I try to fathom who thought letting Terry Funk work the majority of the match was the right idea. Terry and Lex clothesline each other and Dustin comes in off the hot tag. Everything breaks down again and Liz hits Dustin with the ball bat, allowing Flair to Figure Four him for the pin.
Rating: F. This was the best idea they possibly had? Flair and Luger are a decent enough team as an upper midcard heel act, but Funk is killing it. I know he’s a legend and all that, but it’s getting embarrassing to watch his slow motion punches and expecting the fans to think they’re impressive.
Funk saves Dustin from more beatings.
Nash bans the Twins from SuperBrawl and gets guitared to end the show.
Overall Rating: F. Unless I’m forgetting something, which is possible as the levels of boredom on this show might have melted my brain, the only thing on here that is going to matter on Sunday is Prince beating Hayashi to go to the finals of the Cruiserweight Title tournament. This show means nothing and their match selection and booking of the card made it even worse.
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Monday Nitro – February 14, 2000: You Could Have Gotten Me Some Cheap Flowers Instead
Monday Nitro #227 Date: February 14, 2000
Location: Nassau Coliseum, Uniondale, New York
Attendance: 8,160
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden
It’s SuperBrawl week and you can see most of the card at this point. If you hurry, you can still cover your eyes before your face melts like the Nazi in Raiders of the Lost Ark. The big stories tonight are Hogan vs. Flair and Luger vs. Funk as they mix up the big matches before Sunday. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of the recent events. That’s one of the best ideas they could have had as it’s so difficult to keep awake during the shows these days.
The opening sequence cuts Madden off. I like it more already.
We get a second recap. As usual, it’s overkill around here.
Here’s the NWO, which is now Jarrett, the Twins and the girls of the week. The girls are sent away and this is already less interesting. They remind us that it’s six days until SuperBrawl (old school tactic of making sure you know how long before the show instead of just saying “at this show”. I like the old way better) before Jeff goes into his “they’re all against me” speech. Jarrett is the natural born champion and is going to be leaving San Francisco with the title.
Nash comes on the screen and says the only stroke Jarrett has is in his single wide back in Nashville. Jarrett cuts him off and threatens to break David Penzer’s neck if they don’t cut Nash’s feed off. This makes Nash serious and there goes the feed. Jeff says the acting commissioner (he was stripped of that last week) is winning on Sunday but here’s Nash in a wheelchair (Madden: “He’s not an outsider. He’s an Ironsider!”) to interrupt.
Nash may have had to have his foot rebuilt (so that’s why he’s out) but it still fits in Jarrett’s censored. Since Jarrett didn’t beat Hall last week, it’s going to be a three way at SuperBrawl. Jeff can get Sid tonight, non-title. So the WWF was stealing the idea of having the regular triple threat Wrestlemania main event on Raw before adding one more person at the big show? No wonder that show was horrible. If Jeff needs Nash, he’ll be in the back playing with his nurses.
The announcers run down a pretty stacked card.
Luger, Liz and Flair arrive together. Flair is WAY too excited to be in New York. Lex’s San Antonio Spurs shirt is a nice cheap heat device.
Norman doesn’t like 2XS’ clothes but Lane and Idol think the rats will love them.
3 Count is in the ring and talks about how they’ve been getting a lot of entries in their contest for a dream date. It’s time to dance but Norman cuts them off again. He really needs to stop doing that.
Lane/Norman Smiley vs. 3 Count
Handicap match. Norman is wearing an Islanders jersey to keep up his cheap pops and there’s nothing wrong with that. Lane gets jumped as he comes in and Shannon spinwheel kicks Norman to the floor. A moonsault puts him down again, so Lane moonsaults (mostly connecting) onto both of them. Helms and Karagias hit dives of their own, even though they mainly hit their own partners.
Back in and Lana hits a Skull Crushing Finale on Moore as Miss Hancock comes out for commentary, instantly showing more charisma than any woman in this company save for maybe Madusa. She says 2XS never should have gotten rid of her because they don’t know what they’re missing. Helms poses in the ring after a splash but Lana fights out of a double team. Norman gets the tag for the swinging slam on Moore and does the dance but there’s dance music playing in the arena.
Hancock takes her hair down and gets up on the table (with the camera panning up to show her)…..and now let’s watch the match as Tony tells us about her dancing. Finally the director regains his sanity and focuses Hancock with the match in the background before she casually hops down and walks off, leaving Charles Robinson stunned that he misses Evan tapping to the Norman’s Conquest.
Rating: C-. The match was fine but also completely not the point here. This was all about establishing Miss Hancock as the new big thing and it was easy to see why. It’s a very simple formula: take a gorgeous blonde with incredibly long legs and have her dance on a table during an uninteresting match. There isn’t much more to it and there doesn’t need to be.
3 Count performs again. Even Madden is sick of them by this point.
Back from a break and they’re still at it, so here’s Tank Abbott to clean house.
Meng and Big Al “talk” in the back.
Tank Abbott vs. Rick Fuller
33 seconds, Fuller is out cold. If nothing else, we’re told that Al is Abbott’s former bodyguard from UFC.
Earlier today, Abbott talked about being the toughest fighter in UFC. His record was secondary to hurting people and that makes him all the more deadly. This brings him to Big Al, who doesn’t get what Abbott is doing here. Therefore, there needs to be a skins match at SuperBrawl, meaning a leather jacket on a pole match. So Abbott is just fighting a guy named Al who used to be a bodyguard and may or may not be a wrestler. How does this thing actually get a story?
Jeff Jarrett is on the phone and demands that his match is for the title.
Prince Iaukea is ready for his match with Psychosis on Wednesday. “Psychosis, meet Psycho Sexy. I’m going to make you my next hit.” I hate to admit it, but Psycho Sexy is kind of an awesome name.
Vampiro/Kidman vs. The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea/La Parka
You would think Psychosis would be Prince’s partner here. Prince gets double teamed during his entrance and a four way brawl starts us off. We settle down to Vampiro vs. La Parka and it’s an awkward sequence to start as Prince knees Vampiro in the back but Vampiro doesn’t sell it, only to stop in place so La Parka can chop him. Vampiro throws La Parka to the floor and hits a suicide dive, only to have Prince slam him down to take over. Back in and Prince dives into a raised boot but Kidman has to go break up Torrie vs. Paisley. Vampiro tags Kidman in and walks out, leaving Prince to hit the middle rope DDT for the pin.
Rating: C. Nice little match here but again it was designed to be angle advancement instead of a big match. Kidman taking a fall is never a good thing, but at least it’s setting up a match…which we’ve recently seen twice. La Parka was a pretty random partner for Prince but at least it wasn’t the obvious pick.
Nash says the main event will indeed be a title match.
The Mamalukes show up to Vito’s sister’s wedding. Post break, Vito gives his sister the down payment on a house.
Rhonda Singh vs. Mona
Singh comes out to Chris Jericho’s old theme which is probably an unfunny rib. Oklahoma comes out before the bell and gets in a speech about revitalizing the women’s division. Madusa is going to be guest referee for this match as Tony explains the storyline since it’s oh so complex. Singh shoves Mona down to start and hits a running splash in the corner. A chest bump puts Mona down again and Madusa ignores the covers. Mona’s missile dropkick gets two so she tries a sunset flip but Oklahoma grabs the hands. Madusa kicks it away and gets punched down by Singh, who sits on Mona for the pin, counted by Oklahoma.
Post match Singh kisses Oklahoma, which is just so totally funny that I almost need to pause things to catch up on my laughing.
Vito’s family gets on him for spitting too much.
Flair calls Hogan an easy win and brags about his association with Luger and Liz.
Total Package vs. Terry Funk
Funk sneaks up on him during the entrance and throws some weak left handed punches as Madden talks about the Screen Actors’ Guild. They head outside with Luger nailing a clothesline but Funk puts him down and loads up a table. Liz offers a distraction (better than offering a ball bat shot), allowing Luger to slam him through the table. Fans: “ECW! ECW! ECW!” I’d pay so much money to see Luger in ECW. Back in and Luger works on the spine with forearms and a suplex for no cover. A low blow breaks up the Rack and a DDT gets two. Funk’s moonsault hits chair and that’s a DQ.
Rating: D. Egads man. These matches are killing shows to a better degree than the Hogan main events of the late 80s could ever hold to do. Funk is trying but there’s a limit to what he can do with someone as interesting as Luger. Neither guy looked like they were trying and that cripples anything they could have done.
The main event is a title match. A US Title match. It’s about time.
Daphne and David Flair crash the reception and destroy a cake.
Tag Team Titles: Mamalukes vs. Harlem Heat vs. Crowbar/David Flair
Mamalukes are defending, after trading the titles with the Harris Twins over in Germany over the weekend. It’s another brawl in the aisle to start but Crowbar kicks Vito square in the belt, which Vito sells for some reason. The champs fight back and four guys brawl in the ring at the same time. Thankfully Big T. is in a singlet to hide his gut but it can only do so much good.
They settle down to Harlem Heat working over Vito in the corner. We waste time as Madden talks about growing up with Harlem Heat in New York until Vito kicks T. down to take over. It’s quickly off to Stevie vs. Crowbar as this match is all over the place yet still uninspiring stuff. Vito breaks up a cover on Crowbar off Stevie’s Slapjack but David hits Stevie with the crowbar to give Vito the pin to retain.
Rating: D-. How do you have a triple threat tag match and make it this boring? Other than 2XS, is this the entire division? Now I’m supposed to want to watch Flair/Crowbar vs. the Mamalukes on Sunday? Or Booker vs. Big T. again for the rights to Harlem Heat? There are some good things on this show and this really isn’t one of them.
The Mamalukes get beaten up some more post match, including weapons shots from the crazy guys. More time is spent on a stretcher job and the wedding (which is taking place at the arena…..why?) freaks out.
Kanyon thinks Hollywood is a lot more awesome than New York, and he knows that Dustin Rhodes is a horrible actor.
Vito gets off the stretcher and yells a lot.
Hardcore Title: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. The Wall
Bigelow is defending. Wall throws in a ladder at the bell but the champ weapons him down, only to miss the top rope headbutt. It’s table time but Bigelow kicks it into Wall’s face, knocking Wall down like a ton of bricks. Back in and Wall whacks Bigelow in the head with some trashcan lids but takes way too long to go to the middle rope. Wall is sent through the table and Greetings From Asbury Park retains Bigelow’s title.
Rating: D. You know all the hardcore matches we’ve seen in recent weeks? This one had Bam Bam Bigelow and the Wall.
Knobbs comes in for a beatdown on Bigelow to give him an advantage on Sunday. Wall gets back up and chokeslams Bigelow. That’s quite the champion.
The Mamalukes want an Italian stretcher match against Flair and Crowbar on Sunday.
The Nitro Girls do a Valentine’s Day routine.
Kanyon vs. Dustin Rhodes
Dustin breaks up Kanyon’s entrance to continue a running trend tonight. They head outside with Kanyon chasing the referee around, only to eat a bulldog back inside. Shattered Dreams and a Boss Man Slam are enough for the pin on Kanyon in roughly a minute. That’s Kanyon’s last match on TV for over two months.
Hogan threatens to bury Luger if he tries to interfere tonight.
Gene talks to “Booker T.”, who likes the Leave it to Beaver music because it keeps him motivated.
Booker vs. The Demon
Midnight is gone and probably isn’t coming back. Spin kick, ax kick, 110th Street Slam and Demon keeps losing. Madden says that’s the first time we’ve seen Demon taken apart because he doesn’t pay attention. Or maybe he’s just stupid.
Ric Flair vs. Hulk Hogan
This is billed as a big match in New York. The fans chant for Hogan as he easily shoves Flair out of the corner. This is going to be 1994 all over again isn’t it? Some shoulders put Flair on the floor and it’s time for a breather. The chops that have had no effect for years have no effect here and a clothesline puts Flair on the floor again. Hogan slugs away even more on the outside but Flair hits him low and starts in on the knee. Flair gets a quick and bad looking Figure Four but Hogan turns it over for the break.
Ric gets slammed off the top but the knee goes out again to keep Flair in it. The chops that have had no effect for years have no effect for the second time in this match and it’s mini Hulk Up time. The Flair Flip sets up a suplex so Ric begs off. Hulk slugs away even more but eats a foreign object to the face. Hart takes the same and now it’s full Hulk Up time. The legdrop connects but Luger comes in for the DQ.
Rating: D+. I can’t give Hogan vs. Flair doing the classics a horrible grade. I know it wasn’t a very good match but how do you not enjoy this just for nostalgia alone? It’s kind of amazing that they really did just do the same thing they’ve done so many times and expect people to care about it but that’s WCW for you.
Funk comes in for a failed save but don’t worry, because Hogan can fight off the greatest odds in the history of great odds. Hogan poses but Luger comes back out with the ball bat to knock Hogan in the head. Now it’s Hogan’s turn to get Pillmanized.
Sid thinks Jarrett having to defend the title is hilarious.
Here’s Ernest Miller because this show can’t just end. James Brown is here and never mind because here’s Maestro to say that he and his piano are the stars of the show. A fight starts in the aisle and never mind because the production team isn’t interested enough to let us watch it.
US Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Sid Vicious
Jarrett is defending. Sid punches him down to start a few times before firing even more punches in the corner. I guess the fact that Jarrett is actually defending has screwed him up so much that he can’t remember the rest of his offense. They head outside with Sid bashing him in the head with a water bottle, which seems to wake Jeff up as he hammers away back inside.
A sleeper has Sid in trouble but he keeps one arm up to stay alive. Back up and Jeff dives into a low blow, followed by a big boot with Jarrett falling before any contact was made. The chokeslam looks to set up the powerbomb but we get a ref bump, allowing Jarrett to hit Sid with the belt for two because NO OLD PERSON WILL EVER GET PINNED. Jeff Strokes the referee but Sid breaks another one up and puts on the Crossface, drawing in the Harris Twins, allowing Jeff to hit the guitar shot for Mark Johnson to count the pin. Wow an old guy actually laid down, after two people interfered, a belt and guitar shot and a cheating referee.
Rating: F. This was the main event of the show and it took that much to beat Sid? Yeah he’s the World Champion but you could have done the exact same thing with one piece of the interference and, say, a handful of trunks. Jarrett is trying, but Jeff Jarrett in the main event isn’t going to work, especially with someone like Sid.
Overall Rating: F+. The worst part is there’s stuff in this show that has me somewhat interested. WCW has realized there’s a simple solution to getting energy into a segment and make it a lot easier to sit through: put a hot blonde out there. Yeah the opener was bad, but Stacy Keibler was dancing on a table. It’s difficult to not get at least a bit interested when that’s the backdrop. Kidman vs. Vampiro is a good story too, but unfortunately it doesn’t seem to be leading anywhere.
Then…….well then there’s everything else. You have Ferrara continuing to humiliate the women because that’s all he’s good for and the Tag Team Titles being some of the most boring stuff since the days of Dick Slater and Bunkhouse Buck putting me to sleep back in 1995. We’re about to see the Mamalukes vs. the crazy guys for the fourth time for no particular reason. Add in the fight to sponsor Sesame Street and the midcard is a disaster for the most part.
Finally, and thank goodness for that, there’s the main event scene. Hogan and Flair have the charisma to pull off something like this, but Funk looks like he can barely throw a punch and Luger hasn’t been interesting in years. Therefore, these four are treated as the big attraction while Sid and Jarrett are left to feel like afterthoughts to the other four’s star power. On top of that, Hall was so drunk/high on a flight that he couldn’t get back home from Europe so he wasn’t even here for the show. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be interested in, but they need to find something quick.
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Thunder – February 9, 2000: Some Twisted Fever Dream From The Nightmares Of An 80’s Fan
Thunder Date: February 9, 2000
Location: Myriad Convention Center, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Attendance: 7,124
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan
The NWO has never had problems like this before! I mean they’re fighting amongst themselves and beating each other up! Other than that, the question here is which veteran is going to rip the company apart tonight and then get a big match instead of getting suspended or fired like they should. Let’s get to it.
Jarrett, the Twins and Hall arrive separately.
Cruiserweight Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Lash Leroux vs. Shannon Moore
Lash cuts off the performance this week, making him twice as annoying. Granted that’s not saying much as he isn’t very annoying in the first place. 3 Count gets involved early and pulls Lash to the floor, allowing Shannon to hit a moonsault for two back inside. Lash blocks a spinwheel kick and sends Shannon into the corner, where he counters a bodyscissors and drops Moore chest first onto the buckle. A dropkick gets two on Shannon and he gets planted with something like an AA. Evan offers a distraction so the other bandmates can come in, only to be taken down by a double clothesline. Lash rolls Shannon up for a fast pin.
Norman Smiley breaks up the post match beatdown and promises to beat all of them up at SuperBrawl.
Time to run down the card.
Here’s the NWO, meaning just Jarrett and the Twins, with something to say. Jeff wants quiet from the fans before he starts beating up their heroes. Fans have been asking why Jeff did what he did on Monday when he attacked Hall. Who are these fans? I want them flogged. Hall was trying to take Jarrett’s title shot, even though he would get the title match anyway at SuperBrawl. Jarrett makes Sid/Funk vs. the Twins tonight just to screw with the champ. Tenay: “What’s wrong with that?”
Cue Hall, who reads HEY YO off a piece of paper. He doesn’t remember choosing Jarrett as the boss because Jeff doesn’t remember the time up north. Jeff has been invited into the clique down here and now he thinks he’s running the show. He’s just the acting commissioner until Nash comes back, so here’s Nash…..on the screen. Nash tells the women to stop with the massage for now because he has to yell at Jarrett.
Jeff can’t be left alone for five minutes and as a result, he’s no longer commissioner in any capacity. Back in Amazing Fantasy #15 in Spider-Man’s first appearance, it was said that with great power comes great responsibility. Jarrett did something bad to someone Nash cares about, so Jeff has to be punished.
The first idea was to cover him in barbecue sauce and put him in a cell with Meng, but then he had a better idea: leave him on a deserted island with Zbyszko so Larry can tell him about the time when he was on top of the territory. Hall: “NO KEV NOT THAT!” Nash can be a funny guy when he feels like it. Instead, how about Hall vs. Jarrett tonight with the title shot on the line. The survey says the fans approve (or maybe they just want to go home) and that’s that. So to be clear, this week the Outsiders are faces.
Jarrett is livid after a break.
Hardcore Title: Demon vs. Bam Bam Bigelow
Demon does his entrance from the coffin and gets hit with a crutch for the pin in three seconds. This is part of the “let’s bury Demon because we agreed to a deal with Kiss and then realized it was stupid but we have to fulfill our obligations” period.
Funk and Sid are ready for the Twins tonight.
Crowbar listens to Kiss because he’s crazy.
Booker vs. Stevie Ray
I would ask why not wait for SuperBrawl, but I guess you have to do this match while Booker is still out on bail for that attempted murder thing. Booker doesn’t want to fight his brother, but a Biggs distraction lets Stevie get in some cheap shots. A few kicks put Stevie down and Booker beats up Biggs, followed by a chair to Stevie. Booker leaves and there was no match.
Nash, on the phone, isn’t cool with Jarrett spending $57,000 on guitars last week so he makes Luger vs. Finlay for tonight.
Flair wants Hogan but will settle for Funk at SuperBrawl. They really are just doing the greatest hits catalog aren’t they?
Kidman vs. Crowbar
This could be good. Crowbar charges into the ring and Kidman pounds him down like a villain, or someone with a reason to be mad at Crowbar, would do. Back up and Crowbar intentionally throws dropkicks that miss for some taunting but Kidman just punches him in the face. They head outside with Kidman being whipped into the barricade, setting up a splash off the barricade. Well at least they’re keeping it moving so far.
Back in and Crowbar gets dropkicked out of the air, setting up the Bodog for two. The BK Bomb gets the same but Crowbar counters a headscissors into a kind of reverse Batista Bomb. I’ve always thought a reverse powerbomb would be a good finisher for someone. Kidman is in trouble but Torrie easily distracts the referee, allowing Crowbar to grab the crowbar. Crowbar takes a crowbar though and Kidman hits a quick hurricanrana for the pin.
Rating: C. These two are rapidly becoming some of my favorite people on the show. Crowbar may not be the most technically sound guy in the world but he’s playing his character so well that it’s hard not to like him. Kidman is probably the most polished worker on the roster right now (or at least the most polished who is actually trying) and it’s really showing.
Crowbar whips himself into the steps. That’s quite the dedication.
The NWO sends their women away.
Sid Vicious/Terry Funk vs. Harris Brothers
Sid comes out first because the title has no value these days. Jarrett, of course wearing the US Title which he has shown no signs of defending yet, is on commentary. Ron and Sid start with Ron taunting Funk, drawing him in for a Twins’ double team. Just like last week, Sid fights them off with ease because they’re the Harris Twins, allowing Funk to come in and cover Don for two. A DDT gets the same and it’s off to Ron for a chinlock.
Funk fights back with a shoulder as we hit slapnuts #5 from Jeff. The hot tag (more like mild and party cloudy) brings in Sid for a chokeslam and cobra clutch slam to Ron. Don takes a piledriver on the exposed concrete but Sid gets hit low to keep the match going. Funk puts Don on a table at ringside as Sid chases…..I guess Ron to the back, allowing Jarrett to guitar Funk through the table to give Don the pin.
Rating: D. I guess this is the match that got the extra time after Knobbs vs. Demon. That being said, I’d love to hear the validation from the creative team as to how this is the best use for the World Heavyweight Champion who has spent weeks battling the forces of evil to finally win the belt. Lame tag match but at least Jarrett gets one up on the champ, by beating his tag partner who first retired seventeen years ago.
Flair wants to team up with Luger so Luger can break Funk’s arm on Monday while Luger deals with Hogan. The youngest person in this story: Lex Luger at 41.
Total Package vs. Fit Finlay
Before the match, Luger (can we please go back to that being his official name?) talks about beating up Hogan and Funk with help from Flair, who is referred to as a protege. Thankfully Finlay comes out so I don’t have to feel the explosion of the space time continuum from that statement. Finlay works on the arm to start, stomps away in the corner and then gets hit in the leg by a ball bat shot from Liz for the fast DQ.
Luger Pillmanizes Finlay’s arm and Brian Knobbs comes out to get in a shot of his own. On Finlay of course, because he doesn’t seem to remember Luger breaking his arm so recently.
This Week in WCW Motorsports.
2XS (Lenny and Lodi, now known as Idol) isn’t worried about Miss Hancock leaving them because they don’t need a stupid gimmick. They’ll take the titles tonight.
Tag Team Titles: 2XS vs. Mamalukes
The Italians are defending but get jumped in the aisle, which is becoming a very common trend in WCW. Tenay ignores talking about the match to plug DDP’s new book as Vito gets stomped down before he can even take the belt off. Cue Hancock for some gratuitous leg shots and a rare removal of the hair bun. My goodness that woman is beautiful. She hands some papers to the announcers and leaves which they can’t seem to understand. Idol DDTs Johnny but Disco breaks up the pin. Disco and Idol ram heads and Vito’s implant DDT is enough to retain. The match was a backdrop for Hancock’s paper delivery.
Crowbar hits Disco with a lead pipe and steals the belts.
Ernest Miller won’t say where James Brown is.
Gene calls out Ric Flair for a chat. Ric says it’s just like old times because he’s still the greatest wrestler, athlete and lover in the world. He isn’t pleased with ESPN for not naming him one of the greatest athletes of the century but would rather talk about what’s in the WCW Magazine he’s holding. It’s a list of the all time great WCW stars and Flair is #2, after Hulk Hogan. Flair beats up the magazine (makes sense for him) but here’s Dustin Rhodes. Dustin didn’t think much of Ric letting his son get beaten up on Monday when all David wanted to do was impress his dad. David is more grown up than Ric and those are fighting words.
Dustin Rhodes vs. Ric Flair
Flash back six years and this could be interesting. Rhodes takes over to start by stomping Flair into the corner and suplexing him down but a clothesline takes out the referee about twenty seconds in. A low blow puts Dustin down but he avoids a knee drop and puts Flair in the Figure Four. That earns him a Rolex to the face, giving Ric the pin.
Terry Funk makes the save but Lex Luger hits the ring to take out Dustin and rack Funk.
Scott Hall vs. Jeff Jarrett
Winner gets the World Title shot at SuperBrawl. Scott gets in some shots to start but Jeff sends him outside for a beating from the Harris Twins. Ron’s clothesline gives Jeff two and we hit the sleeper/sleeper reversal sequence. Hall comes back with right hands and the fall away slam as the fans are WAY into Scott. Just like Monday, the referee makes sure to get right in the way of a flailing body, this time with Jeff’s legs as he’s taken up for the Outsider’s Edge. No count of course, allowing Jeff to pop up and hit the Stroke for three off second referee Mark Johnson.
Not so fast though as the first referee gets up and says restart it so Hall punches various people until a mic shot puts him down for two. Jarrett misses a belt shot and takes one to the face, but this time Johnson pulls Mickie Jay to the floor. Cue Sid and GOOD GRIEF JUST LET THERE BE A PIN. Hall Edges Johnson and Sid powerbombs Jarrett as the match is finally thrown out.
Rating: F+. It’s Jeff Jarrett and Scott Hall. These two fought each other so many times over the years that they probably know how to have at least an average match through muscle memory, but we had run ins, ref bumps, refs fighting and weapons in a six and a half minute match. This is another case of “just let them wrestle”. It would make everyone’s lives so much easier, which is why it’s never going to happen.
Overall Rating: D-. This may not be the worst show ever, but it’s one of the laziest. However, they do seem to be making some headway with some of the stories. Luger and Flair as the new big bad is fine, even though I can’t imagine Hogan and Funk as partners taking them down. The NWO stuff is just killing this show though with the Twins as some of the least interesting lackeys I’ve ever seen. There’s some watchable stuff in there and if they would just find a better option for the main event and upper midcard, this would be a far more watchable company.
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Monday Nitro #226 Date: February 7, 2000
Location: Tulsa Convention Center, Tulsa, Oklahoma
Attendance: 6,358
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden
We’re two weeks from SuperBrawl and most of the card is coming in clear. Unfortunately that means we can see what’s coming and therefore are all running for the hills before it kills us all. Hogan is back and seems to hate anyone young, Sid has been in back to back Thunder Caged Heat main events and Jeff Jarrett has power because Nash has disappeared. Fun times eh? Let’s get to it.
We open with the recap of last week, with the NWO adding the Harris Twins and then the completely unnecessary Caged Heat match on Thunder. What a great way to open the show.
The NWO has surprises for Sid and Funk. Nash is going to be back soon.
Here’s 3 Count for a performance (things are looking up) but they stop to allow a woman to get in the ring to dance with them. Disaster strikes though as the music messes up and they can’t lip sync. We cut to the production truck to see Norman Smiley screwing with things and now let’s have a match.
Norman Smiley vs. Evan Karagias
Madden is on Evan’s side because the internet marks like Smiley. I’m remembering why I can’t stand him. Evan quickly throws him outside but 3 Count tosses Norman back inside. Is this a mutiny already? Back in and Evan gets suplexed, only to counter the spanking dance into a faceplant. Shannon gets on the apron but Evan is whipped into him because 3 Count isn’t the brightest group of cats in the world. Evan’s rollup is reversed (with the referee stopping halfway through his count because it takes too long) into one from Norman for the fast pin.
Norman wants all three of them at SuperBrawl. You and every other teenage girl in the world Smiley.
Danny Hodge is here. He deserves better.
The announcers run down the card.
J. Biggs has cops search Booker’s bags and confiscate any Harlem Heat gear. This is so, so sad.
Flair and some women arrive.
Here’s the NWO with something to say. Hall won’t say Hey Yo so a Harris insults the crowd for being a bunch of morons. They’re kind of missing the point of having them be muscle. Ron actually calls this the Elite NWO. Steiner one ups that by calling himself the Purple Warrior. I really don’t want to know what that means.
Last week he saw a 53 year old man (meaning Flair, though he’s not quite that old) come out here and brag about how he’s still the man. Flair has a crooked nose and yellow teeth, so why didn’t they bring in the original Nature Boy Buddy Rogers? Steiner thinks it might be because he’s dead. Last week when Flair came down the aisle, everyone changed the channel to watch Stone Cold, a guy that Flair and his boys got fired from here. A lot of Steiner’s insults are censored but WCW SUCKS gets through.
Jarrett brings us back to reality by saying Mark Johnson will be referee during the Sid vs. Jarrett title match. Remember that he’s the referee that was paid off last week. The match will also be No DQ, which is probably the best option. Tonight it’s Hall vs. Sid in a non-title match, which doesn’t seem to please Hall.
So to recap, in the last five days, Hogan has said all the young guys are worthless and Steiner has said the fans change the channel when Flair comes on screen because they’re watching Steve Austin on Raw. These two are both going to be World Champion at some point in the year.
Booker says Biggs and company have taken his colors and music but they’ll never take his dignity. No Booker, I’m pretty sure they have.
David Flair is going to have an I Quit match against Terry Funk tonight and fight one of his dad’s battles for him.
Booker vs. The Wall
There are no flames for Booker’s entrance and he comes out to what sounds like the theme to Leave It To Beaver. Madden gets in a line clever enough that I’m sure he didn’t come up with it himself: Ice T. is now just Ice and Hulk Hogan is now immoral. Booker slugs away and hits a spin kick to start but charges into a boot in the corner.
Wall throws him outside and stomps on Booker as he gets back inside. Booker throws on a sleeper for a few seconds but Wall slams him down and goes up top, only to dive into a kick. There’s the ax kick and a Bookend but here’s J. Biggs to call Booker a criminal. In the distraction a chokeslam ends Booker.
Rating: D. I’ll give them points for trying to push someone else. Wall may be a big, mostly talentless lug, but at least he’s someone new. I don’t have any faith in them to not screw up his push and turn it into a big waste, but at least it’s happening. However, the fact that it’s coming as part of this stupid story makes it even worse. But wait. It gets better.
Booker is arrested for assault and battery, reckless endangerment and attempted murder. I’ve sat through a lot of nonsense in WCW, but this is a rare care where it’s hard to watch. This is just so, so stupid.
Knobbs wants Finlay tonight. Jarrett says ok but that it’s Knobbs vs. Bigelow with Finlay as referee. Can we please get some fresh blood in this “division?”
Funk asks Anderson where he stands in the war with Flair. Anderson says he’ll answer after he sees how Funk does against David Flair.
Lane and Idol ask for a title shot again.
Tank Abbott vs. Barbarian
Barbarian is in a leather jacket because he’s a tough monster with a slick fashion sense. They slug each other, Abbott does a kind of slam and a big right hand ends Barbarian in a hurry.
Crowbar plays air guitar in front of Demon’s casket until Daffney calls him away.
Torrie with the KidCam.
Here’s Ed Ferrara, who has been put in charge of starting the women’s division. Those “adorable” women have no place in wrestling though so first up, they’ll all have to go through extensive medical tests, with Ferrara present for all of them. This brings out a Dr. Jeter, who has done procedures on a lot of women, including Madusa. Cue Madusa to kick both of them low. Yet another stupid waste of time.
Terry Taylor has talked to the executive committee. Mark Johnson will not be refereeing at SuperBrawl and tonight’s match is for the title. Speaking of wastes of time, these stipulations were announced less than an hour ago and now they’re changed. Such a great use of TV time.
We get clips from 1989 of Funk vs. Flair in the I Quit match.
David Flair vs. Terry Funk
I Quit. David sends Crowbar and Daffney to the back. Funk asks if David knows what he’s getting into and offers him a chance to go ahead and quit now. David will have nothing to do with that and hits Funk with a few chair shots to start. They head outside and it’s already table time but Terry whips him into the barricade.
Funk pulls back the mats for a piledriver….on the mats. To be fair he is crazy. David still won’t quit so he gets piledriven on the concrete. That gets the same result, followed by a piledriver through the table. A chair to the back knocks David out and Funk quits, but he won’t do the same against Ric. David, out cold, is the winner.
Rating: D+. I’ll give them some points for the violence and for the story they’re going with, but at the same time this is for a feud that started ten years ago and the best idea they’ve got is to just do it again. Total squash of course, but David better take some time off after a beating like that.
In the back, Arn yells at Ric for letting that happen. Ric needs to stop being Ric Flair and to start being David’s father. For once in his life, he’s bowing out, because that made him sick. Anderson is still the best talker in this company right now.
Stevie Ray vs. Disco Inferno
Disco tries to take him into the corner to start but gets slammed down. The announcers are officially calling Booker just Booker now as the Mamalukes and Big T. argue on the floor. Madden: “Didn’t this Biggs guy used to carry a tennis racket?” I’m not sure if that line is funny or not. Disco hits a quick Russian legsweep and the middle rope elbow for two but tries to steal the slapjack, allowing Stevie to hit the Slapjack for the pin. I guess Harlem Heat is coming for the belts again?
Jarrett thinks WCW is trying to rip the NWO apart but Hall laughs it off because the title will stay in the family either way.
Sid doesn’t care who he fights tonight because he’s outsmarted the NWO time after time. That’s one heck of an insult.
Flair rants about Arn being in over his head and leaves.
Hardcore Title: Brian Knobbs vs. Bam Bam Bigelow
Knobbs is defending and has a broken wrist thanks to Luger. We see a clip of it being broken and they put January 31 instead of a simple last week. Finlay is guest referee again. Bigelow throws a trashcan at Knobbs to start and the champ is in early trouble. He whips Knobbs into the barricade and steps with Brian unable to use the bad arm to stop the impact. In for the first time with Knobbs hitting a ladder and having it fall on top of him. Knobbs makes a comeback but Finlay hits him with a chair, followed by a fast count to give Bigelow the title. Again, this is probably the most logical story in the promotion at the moment.
Ernest Miller brags about hanging out with James Brown and promises to have Brown on Thunder. Well, Brown kind of fits in with WCW as he’s old, but at least he’s still entertaining.
Steve Borden (yes Steve Borden) will be on the Late Show.
Billy Kidman vs. The Demon
This has to be a test for Kidman to see what kind of miracles he can pull off. Demon’s entrance is hyped up even more than usual here and we cut to the back to see Crowbar having a great time watching it. Demon eats a dropkick to start and tosses Kidman across the ring like he’s nothing. A legdrop and butterfly suplex (but a DEMONIC legdrop and DEMONIC butterfly suplex) get two for Demon but the fans are more interested in Torrie. Kidman’s Bodog gets two and Demon gets the same off a DDT. For some reason Demon goes up top, allowing Kidman to hurricanrana him down for the pin. No miracle but watchable.
Luger comes to the ring, holding a Hogan chair.
Ready To Rumble is coming.
Jarrett tells the NWO they can’t answer the ringing phone.
Here’s Luger to discuss Hogan returning on Thunder. Hogan thinks he’s the best ever but Luger has won every title there is (except the WWF Title. Why not bring that up? They reference the WWF every chance they can) and is the future of professional wrestling. Jimmy Hart is ordered to come out to deliver Hogan a message, but Jimmy refuses.
Luger is just a Hogan wannabe because he’ll never sell as much merchandise or as many tickets as Hogan did. So Luger wants to talk about titles and Hogan’s lackey wants to talk about attendance records? Luger beats Hart up, Racks him and breaks his arm. I guess he’s not over Jimmy leaving him alone at Uncensored 1996. I wouldn’t want to be left alone there either.
WCW World Title: Sid Vicious vs. Scott Hall
Sid is defending and it’s already after 10pm so this isn’t going to last long. Vicious punches him down before the toothpick throw, messing up Hall’s mojo. The champ stays hyped with right hands in the corner and a chokeslam less than a minute in but there’s no cover. Hall pops up and slugs away before loading up the fall away slam. In the worst ref bump I’ve ever seen, the referee stands RIGHT BEHIND HALL so Sid is thrown into him, allowing Jarrett to come out. The Outsider’s Edge connects but Jeff guitars Hall, for wanting the pin. Either that or over Royal Rumble 1995 residuals. Sid is dragged on top to retain.
Rating: F. I was tempted to not rate this one as it was barely a match. This was just an angle disguised as a match as the NWO is splitting, assuming you considered Hall part of it in the first place. I’m assuming this sets up a three way at SuperBrawl, which has to be better than just Jarrett vs. Sid.
Overall Rating: D. They’re starting the build towards SuperBrawl and it’s one of the least interesting shows I’ve seen in a long time. The Sid vs. Jarrett feud is horrible and doing nothing to make me want to keep watching. Other than that we have the veterans seemingly shooting on the company and calling it out on all its screwups, despite being the focal points of the whole show. Really lame show this week but at least they seem to have a purpose now.
Thunder – February 2, 2000: Screw You Hulk Hogan
Thunder Date: February 2, 2000
Location: Broome County Arena, Binghamton, New York
Attendance: 2,323
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Scott Hudson, Bobby Heenan
The big story tonight is going to be the return of Hulk Hogan, who was casually announced to be coming back on Monday during a Shane Helms vs. Norman Smiley match. I’m not sure how much good Hogan can do to save this mess of a show, but at least he’ll do boring stuff with some extra charisma. Let’s get to it.
We open with the standard recap of Nitro.
Here’s the NWO, complete with Scott Hall, to open things up. Hall can’t quite get HEY YO out so let’s look at the girls talking about what a sexy beast Scott Steiner really is. That brings us to still acting Commissioner Jeff Jarrett, who says that it’s still his job to make Sid miserable. Therefore, tonight we’re getting Sid in Triple Threat Theater. You cannot be serious. Like, tell me you didn’t just say that.
Somehow this is true, and here’s the lineup: a submission match vs. Mike Rotunda, a hardcore match vs. Rick Steiner and Caged Heat (could they at least try to hide their cries of PLEASE WATCH OUR SHOW) against the Harris Twins. Jeff repeats that he takes bribes, making me think this is the result of a bet to see how horrible of a show they can possibly put together.
The announcers run down the card, which will have nine matches total. Three of these will feature Sid Vicious. How much longer before this company goes out of business?
A limo arrives.
The NWO buys off referee Slick Johnson.
Norman Smiley vs. The Demon
In a line I think I’ll be repeating a lot tonight, let’s get this over with. Norman is in the Demon attire here but Demon comes out of his coffin to start fast. Demon rips his gear off Norman, revealing smiley face trunks. This earns Norman a suplex and a punch to the face, followed by a lot of growling from Demon. A clothesline in the corner staggers Norman, but he quickly goes behind Demon and hooks the Conquest for the win.
Demon, ever the salesman, shrugs off the submission and chases Norman to the back.
Lenny Lane and Lodi are now to be called Lane and Idol and are collectively known as To Excess. Yeah sure why not. As long as they drop the incest.
Sid Vicious vs. Mike Rotunda
Submission match because WCW thought making Kevin Sullivan booker was so important that we don’t have the Radicalz anymore. There is however one cool moment in this entire thing: an elderly woman is holding up a sign that says “90 year old woman needs a hug” and Sid hugs her. I know he’s annoying and being shoved down my throat but that genuinely gave me a bit of a smile.
Mike tries a go behind to start and gets elbowed in the face. Just like at Syracuse back in ’81. Sid pounds away in the corner but misses a running knee, allowing Mike to take him down and slap on a Figure Four. That goes nowhere so Mike tries an STF but Sid quickly makes the ropes. Back up and Sid hits a chokeslam but Mike but Mike hits him low. Well in theory at least as the camera cut away, because all of Ferrara and Russo’s schtick was fine but a low blow? That’s too far. Sid escapes a fireman’s carry and slaps on what is supposed to be a Crossface for the win.
Vampiro doesn’t have much to say but would like to face Kidman again.
We finally get brackets for the Cruiserweight Title tournament. These are updated after the first three matches.
Psychosis
The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea
Lash Leroux
Shannon Moore/Shane Helms
Cruiserweight Title Tournament First Round: Shane Helms vs. Shannon Moore
Feeling out process to start with Shane getting in the first big move with a suplex. Shane bails to the floor for no apparent reason other than to let Shannon dive onto him. That’s what a good bandmate should do. Sometimes you need a guy you can trust to dive on you. I hear that’s how Hall and Oates got together. Back in and Shane scores with another suplex for two but walks into a crossbody for the same.
We’re told that Madusa is in the building, freaking out Evan Karagias who is in on commentary. That’s one thing I certainly don’t miss about Russo’s time: not every match needs guest commentary. He LOVED that idea. Shane counters a sunset flip and slams Shannon down again, only to miss a corkscrew moonsault. Shannon’s big offense here? A snapmare for two. Oh come on man. You need a role model. Like Matt Hardy. Back up and Shane kicks him in the ribs but his neckbreaker is countered into a backslide of all things to send Shannon to the semifinals.
Rating: D+. A snapmare and a backslide? REALLY? We went from Mysterio, Guerrera, Malenko, Jericho and others tearing the house down to a snapmare and a backslide? The match was watchable enough but man, could we get more than one or two high spots in a match? Not a horrible match given their lack of experience on this stage and having about three and a half minutes.
They hug it out post match.
Madusa tells the NWO she wants a match tonight.
Hogan was in the limo. Again, you would expect this to be treated as a bigger deal.
Here’s Hogan for the big return speech for a big ovation. It’s definitely Hulk instead of Hollywood here, which is definitely the right move at this point. Hogan talks about having a chat with Goldberg and Sting about all the pre-taped scenes and the writers (oh geez) and now he’s here to get something off his chest. He’s tired of a bunch of young nobodies trying to act like they mean something. Ric Flair has been talking about taking the business back and for once Hogan agrees with him.
This brings him to Luger, presumably one of the young guys, who immediately comes out with Liz. Luger thinks Hogan is a coward, just like Sting who never comes out when Luger calls for him. We see a clearly fake Sting (complete with a wig) coming to the ring but Hogan jumps Luger before that can go anywhere. Liz gets an atomic drop (with Hogan barely dropping her) and Hogan ducks a bat shot to send Luger running. So that’s the co-main event at SuperBrawl I’m guessing.
Quick recap here: all the rookies suck, and all the veterans are awesome, except for that horrible Luger. This is the savior’s big return speech, where he rips the youth apart and basically says everything since he’s been gone has been a waste of time. Also, not a word about what happened at Halloween Havoc, meaning we’re never going to get an explanation.
Kidman and Torrie have the KidCam.
Jeff Jarrett talks to Oklahoma about a women’s division. We’re really doing this again?
Kidman vs. Vampiro vs. The Wall
The small guys go after Wall to start with a spinwheel kick and double clothesline putting him on the floor so we can have a talented (though worthless according to Hogan) pairing. Vampiro suplexes him down but Wall comes back in and blasts Vampiro in the back, followed by a gorilla press drop to Kidman. The double teaming continues but Wall shrugs off a cross body.
Instead, Torrie distracts the crooked referee (at least he has good taste), allowing Kidman to blast Wall with a chair. Those are completely no sold (concrete over steel I guess) so Kidman throws the chair at Vampiro and is immediately knocked to the floor. A chokeslam from Wall ends Vampiro to finish a fairly packed yet quick match. So after Vampiro and Kidman have two good matches, Wall gets the push. Raise your hand if you’re surprised.
Sid is ready for Steiner.
Lane and Idol want a Tag Team Title shot but the Mamalukes aren’t interested.
Sid Vicious vs. Rick Steiner
Hardcore match, and I can’t believe it but they actually bring up Sid powerbombing Steiner through the stage a few months back. Who would have guessed they could work a tape machine, let alone remember that? Steiner tries to get smart and is almost immediately clotheslined out to the floor. They fight into the crowd with Rick chucking a chair towards ringside, nearly wiping out a fan or two in the process. Maybe he can get fired! I’m willing to have a few fans suffer to get rid of Rick Steiner.
Rick can’t entirely suplex Sid onto a table but drops him on it anyway. Close enough I guess. We hit the front facelock on the outside after a devastating two minutes of not wrestling. A whip into the barricade and chair to the back…..seemingly fire Sid up as he comes back with a chair of his own and they head towards the entrance. Sid ducks for a backdrop but someone blasts Steiner with a bat, allowing Sid to get an easy pin.
Rating: D-. So let’s get this straight: Sid won the title twice last week in three matches in two days and now he’s having three matches in one night after winning the title? Who writes these contracts? Hogan only had to wrestle at three Starrcades out of the six he was around for but Sid can wrestle seven times in four shows?
This Week In WCW Motorsports.
Hogan leaves.
Diamond Dallas Page vs. The Machine
Now here’s an interesting case. Throughout the night there have been vignettes for the Machine, who is apparently coming. Machine was a masked man named Emory Hale (also spelled Hail at times) who floated around WCW for years because he had a great look and could conceivably be turned into a good monster. The problem was that even after years of training, he was one of the absolute worst workers in history. I distinctly remember watching this match for one very infamous spot and I’m curious to see if it’s as bad as I remember it.
Machine gets a big, overblown entrance with a silhouette entrance with Hudson wanting to know why the Machine is here. It’s not really that surprising. Everything else in WCW is stuck in 1986 so why not bring back the Machines? Machine shoves him into the corner a few times but Page grabs some armdrags to put him down. There’s the discus lariat followed by a Cactus Clothesline as Page is in full control. This has been acceptable so far and Machine keeps the level up with a low blow and snake eyes before jumping up and down to stomp Page on the mat.
A Russian legsweep with little snap gets two and a World’s Strongest Slam plants Page again. Now here’s the big moment. Machine goes up top, in the corner on the far left from the camera. That’s important as Page shakes the rope to crotch him, but for some reason he shakes the rope facing the entrance, meaning a rope that Machine wasn’t touching. This must have thrown Machine off as he jumps halfway across the ring to crotch himself on the ropes instead of just, you know, dropping down. Page hits two more clotheslines (his fourth of the match) followed by the floatover Diamond Cutter for the pin.
Rating: D. You know, bizarre spot aside, this wasn’t the worst match I’ve ever seen. The problem here is they built Machine up as someone important but Page beat him clean in four minutes. Page was getting back to the style that worked so well for him so maybe putting him nearer the top of the card could work. He’s old but at least he hasn’t been near the top of the card for fifteen years or so and is relatively fresh.
Arn Anderson says the Funk vs. Flair feud got him into wrestling. Wait what? I’m not the best NWA historian in the world, but is there another major Flair vs. Funk feud other than the one in 1989? I’m sure they had matches before (I can find two World Title matches between them in the early 80s and a tag match in 1985), but unless I’ve never heard of it, they never did anything major other than their famous matches. Anyway, Anderson respects both guys but he’s wanting WCW to stand up to the NWO and wants the two of them to lead the charge.
Villano IV vs. Tank Abbott
Meng is watching from the back as the Villanos try twin magic and are both knocked out in about a minute.
The Harris Boys talk about being NWO and show why you never hear them speak.
Funk asks Anderson whose side he’s on but Arn won’t answer.
Mamalukes vs. David Flair/Crowbar
Non-title and Crowbar starts with the Bull. Disco is on commentary again and asks a good question: why are these teams always paired together? As the match we’ve seen a few times already continues, we see Daffney go up to Ms. Hancock for watching the match, but let’s cut away from that and see Crowbar hitting a slingshot splash for two. That’s not the worst idea in the world.
Johnny comes back with a gorilla press drop and brings in Vito before it’s off to David, who is brought in by Crowbar throwing him over the ropes. Makes sense. David dances over to Vito and gets kicked in the face for his efforts. Vito comes off as a Saturday Night Fever enthusiast, which is possibly why I’ve always kind of liked him. Vito drops a middle rope elbow for two and it’s back to Johnny. The hiptoss into the powerbomb is enough to set up the tag back to Vito as the beating continues.
Vito goes back to the middle rope for a knee drop but David rolls away. Granted he rolled towards the corner and hit Vito’s knee because the idea of left and right is too complicated for him but at least he tried. Crowbar comes in off the hot tag and everything breaks down with Vito hitting the Impaler on David but Daffney offers a distraction. In the melee, David hits Vito with the crowbar to give Crowbar the fluke pin. Longest match of the night here at about 5:45.
Rating: D+. Disco brought up a good point: why are these teams always fighting? Is there no one else that you can put in there against the champions instead of Flair and Crowbar? You have a roster this big and they don’t have a combination to put together against the Italians? The match was watchable as long as Crowbar was in there and Vito was his usual self.
Sid Vicious vs. Harris Twins
This is inside Caged Heat because that’s how WCW thinks it gets ratings. They start fighting in the aisle and the Twins knock the World Champ onto a table. That goes nowhere so they try this cage thing with the Twins stomping away in the corner. A bunch of elbow drops have Sid in even more trouble and they clubber him down to keep the advantage. There is zero reason for this to be in a cage so far.
We hit the chinlock less than three minutes in and my goodness just close this company now. It’s early 2000 and I’m watching one of the Harris Twins chinlock World Champion Sid Vicious inside Hell in a Cell on a Wednesday in front of 2,300 people in Sid’s third match of the night. Sid fights back, throws we’ll say Ron over the ropes and powerbombs Don for the pin, wrapping this up in less than four minutes, giving him a total in ring time of about ten and a half minutes for three gimmick matches.
Rating: F. If you need an explanation, you fail as a wrestling fan.
Post match the NWO raises the cage and comes in to destroy Sid as the cage….doesn’t lower back, again defeating the purpose of the cage being there in the first place. Steiner puts him in the Recliner and Sid gets spray painted as Jarrett promises to make Sid miserable to end the show.
Overall Rating: D-. There was some good stuff going on with this show but my goodness HIRE SOME NEW PEOPLE. WCW still had money at this point and there had to be someone out there they could snatch up. I know the main event is Valhalla and no one new is cracking into it, but get someone new to fill out the midcard. It’s a bad show but the main event stories are doing most of the damage. Oh and Hogan saying the young guys are worthless. That was bad too.
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Monday Nitro – January 31, 2000: That’s About The Dumbest Thing They Could Do
Monday Nitro #225 Date: January 31, 2000 Location: First Union Arena, Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania Attendance: 7,514
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Mike Tenay
We’re officially in the Madden era now, meaning things are clearly dying all around us. The big story here is that Sid is World Champion again after winning it back from Nash after having it stripped earlier in the night after an off air referee’s decision. Also, Ric Flair is back. Let’s get to it.
We get a quick clip of the Nash vs. Sid three day saga from last week.
Nash isn’t going to be here tonight but he’s named Jeff acting commissioner.
Here’s the NWO to get things going complete with their girls. Jeff repeats that Nash isn’t going to be here tonight but he’s in charge. Well done with already changing the power. Steiner rips on the women here in Wilkes-Barre and offers the Harris Brothers a spot on the team. Well you had to expect that would happen. It’s back to Jeff, who says he’s going to get the first shot at Sid at SuperBrawl. Tonight it’s Jeff/the Twins vs. Sid/two partners of his choosing. Jarrett is open to bribes and that’s it. They kept this short and got right to the point so well done.
Sid, Flair and Harlem Heat arrive in order.
Funk asks Arn to go get Flair but Anderson tells him to go find Flair himself.
Cruiserweight Title Tournament First Round: Lash Leroux vs. Evan Karagias
Lash makes the mistake of going after 3 Count to start and walks into a powerslam from Evan. The band takes him to the floor and Evan hits a big dive to take them out again. Back in and Lash knocks him off the ropes and does the Bourbon Street Blues (the punches into the splits) but 3 Count makes another save. Evan’s full nelson doesn’t work but Lash comes back with a Diamond Cutter Russian legsweep (Whiplash 2000) for the pin. Really, really dull stuff here.
The NWO sends their bad catering to Sid.
Dustin Rhodes tells us not to try this at home. That’s not something you often hear in WCW.
David, Crowbar and Daffney are insane and Crowbar talks like Gordon Solie. Now this actually sounds insane instead of some of the other modern CRAZY wrestlers. The Mamalukes attack and the match starts fast.
Tag Team Titles: Mamalukes vs. David Flair/Crowbar
They head outside to start with Vito being backdropped onto a bunch of snow. That’s about it for being outside as everyone comes inside with Crowbar carrying a shovel. I’m going out on a limb and guessing this is a street fight. Vito drives a trashcan lid into David’s crotch and the other two come inside.
Cue Ms. Hancock to watch from the aisle as Johnny slams Crowbar a few times. Crowbar fights back with a slingshot legdrop onto a chair onto Johnny’s face. It’s table time but Crowbar, being a bit off, puts the table on top of Johnny instead of the other way around. Disco breaks up a moonsault, allowing Vito to splash Crowbar through the table to retain.
Rating: D. Another ECW style brawl with too many moving parts to have any really stand out. I’m sure we’ll get one more pay per view matches out of these teams, even though they’ve pretty definitively eliminated any chance of the titles changing back. At least Crowbar and Flair are entertaining with how out there they’ve gotten.
Brian Knobbs has a bribe for Jarrett in exchange for putting Finlay in the ring against Luger later. Jeff promises they’ll be in there at the same time.
Here’s Booker T. with something to say but his music stops halfway down the aisle. This brings out J. Biggs who says that music is the property of Harlem Heat, meaning only Stevie Ray and Big T. can listen to it. Instead, Booker can use this song instead. A generic rock song plays and Biggs calls it a meaningless song for a meaningless man.
Now we get to the infamous part of this story: Biggs says that the T, as in of Booker T., is also Harlem Heat property, so Booker can’t use it anymore, or the flames on his attire either. So yes, somehow this feud is over Harlem Heat, which is apparently an entity instead of just a tag team, owning the rights to a letter of the alphabet. Harlem Heat leaves and Midnight shows up to go after Biggs, but Harlem Heat comes back out for the save. We’re officially in one of the dumbest stories WCW ever did and you know how much ground that covers.
3 Count beats up Norman Smiley.
Jarrett tells Finlay that he’ll be in the same ring as Luger, as he referees a match between the Total Package and Brian Knobbs.
Norman gets inside the Demon’s casket and the lid closes. Instead of fighting for the US Title, he’s inside a coffin to help him fight off a boy band.
Kidman vs. The Wall
Rematch of that Cell match they had a few weeks back. Kidman slugs away to start but gets kicked in the face. A backbreaker sets up some choking from the Wall, before he blocks a sunset flip with even more choking. Well no one ever accused him of being the most versatile guy in the world. Wall plants him with a clothesline but YOU CAN’T PUT KIDMAN ON THE TOP ROPE, as he kicks Wall away and hits a missile dropkick. His high cross body is countered into a powerslam though and Wall grabs him by the throat again. This brings out Vampiro to kick Wall in the back, giving Kidman a roll up win.
Rating: D+. That ends the run of match of the night for Kidman but given who he was in there with, it’s hard to argue against him being the hottest thing in the company at the moment. Kidman is trying really hard lately and was able to carry Wall to a passable match. That alone makes him into a more impressive performer than most.
Here’s Flair for his big return speech. He brags about being bigger than the Steelers, Eagles and Pirates and lists off some hockey players who aren’t as big a star as he is. Ten years ago there were some people who could run with him, but Space Mountain still has the longest line. A few weeks ago the Powers That Be asked him to be the commissioner, but he turned them down because he’s the greatest wrestler alive today. He came up here because the deal was right and now he needs to say something to Terry Funk.
Flair can’t believe that Funk has been implying that Flair would support him, because there’s a big difference between Ric Flair and Terry Funk. This brings out Funk, who is loudly booed. He calls Flair banana nosed and horse toothed but praises him for all those World Titles. However, Funk senses some jealousy in Ric’s voice. Maybe it comes from Mick Foley saying Flair isn’t in Funk’s league in his book? STOP PROMOTING OTHER COMPANY’S STUFF!
Anyway, Flair needs to grow up and help in the fight against the NWO, but then tells him to go be Governor of North Carolina and leave the fight to himself and Arn Anderson. Flair wants to fight, even though he’s head to toe in Armani. Funk comes in, punches him down, and puts on the spinning toe hold until security comes out for the save. So yeah, they’re fighting over who is a bigger legend and Flair seems to be a heel, even though the fans booed Funk. This is one of the top stories in the company at the moment.
Jarrett thinks Funk and Flair will be Sid’s partners.
Sting is in some movie.
Sid isn’t worried about the NWO.
Ms. Hancock wants to know why Lenny and Lodi haven’t been wearing their suits but they say they’re done. That’s not cool with Hancock, who reminds them of the West Hollywood Blonds stunt that almost got them fired. Lenny, and I quote: “Oh yeah, we’re REAL lucky to have a job in WCW.” They’re sick of this stupid “gimmick” and tell Hancock to come find them when the bun is out of her hair. So much for the fourth wall.
Total Package vs. Brian Knobbs
Liz and Luger have the Sting stuff with them. Fit Finlay is guest referee here for no apparent reason. Knobbs jumps Luger to start and elbows him in the face. The Pit Stop is loaded up but Finlay pushes Brian’s arm down for some reason. Knobbs responds by…..doing it anyway. They head outside with Knobbs whipping him into the barricade, only to have Finlay blast Knobbs from behind.
Back in and Brian, apparently not hurt by a shot to the head, fires off clotheslines and drops some elbows as this is the most motivated he’s been in years. Brian goes up for a splash but Finlay stands in front of him, allowing Liz to hit Knobbs with a bat. That’s it for Finlay as he leaves, allowing Luger to Pillmanize Brian’s arm. We get some smack talk about Hogan and I’m assuming it’s a no contest.
Rating: D-. So we have Finlay vs. Knobbs in an actually interesting feud (gah that’s hard to say) and then Luger wanting to fight Hogan for no reason other than the script says so. Knobbs now has a broken arm, so maybe he’ll be off screen for a bit? Somehow this was better than I was expecting.
Norman Smiley comes out of a coffin dressed as the Demon. Egads.
Dale Torborg is mad that someone has stolen his outfit. So much for staying in character.
Shane Helms vs. Norman Smiley
Norman is the Demon because he’s the original Santino Marella. Helms starts fast with a Russian legsweep but Norman pops up like a skilled guy stuck in a horrible comedy gimmick and slams Shane down. In the middle of this match of all things, we hear that Hogan will be on Thunder this week. That doesn’t get a big segment of its own? Well of course it doesn’t. Helms busts out an airplane spin but Norman comes back with a giant swing. It’s time to dance but the other 3 Count members have to be dispatched. The Norman’s Conquest is good for the quick submission.
Cue Torborg with the cops to chase Norman off.
Page and Kimberly are in the back when the Mamalukes come up. Vito gets a quick feel of her but Kimberly thinks it was Disco, who calls her a bimbo for accusing him. Page beats Disco up out of principle.
Diamond Dallas Page vs. Disco Inferno
Page drags Inferno into the arena and they get all up in DJ Ran’s area. DJ Ran still had a job in 2000??? They fight through the crowd with Page in control and the bell finally rings once they’re inside. A top rope clothesline and Rock Bottom knock Disco even sillier (yet doesn’t mess with that perfect hair) but he comes back with, what else, a low blow. Disco’s usual neckbreaker and middle rope elbow set up the dancing, only to have Page plant him with a helicopter bomb. The Diamond Cutter ends this in a hurry, as it should have. I guess Page is a full on face again.
Jeff Jarrett/Harris Twins vs. Terry Funk/Sid Vicious/Ric Flair
And there’s no Flair. It’s a brawl in the aisle to start with Sid fighting the Twins and Funk not being able to keep up. Sid takes we’ll say Ron inside and Funk throws in a chair, which the Twins quickly throw back out. You can hear a fan complaining about his eye hurting because the fans are that silent. Ron gets backdropped to the floor but Don breaks up a powerbomb on Jarrett. So the powerbomb is legal again?
Things settle down with Funk working on Ron’s leg, only to get chaired in the back by Don. Off to Jarrett to hammer away in the corner, only to have Funk grab a quick piledriver for a breather. It’s off to Sid to clean house and here comes Flair to go after Funk as we flash back to 1989. Actually that’s a great thing. Security drags him away and Ron gets chokeslammed with Don making a save. That earns Don a powerbomb but Jeff comes in with the guitar to knock Sid cold for the pin.
Rating: D. So is Flair a heel? Because that would be about the dumbest thing they could do right now. Therefore, we’ll go with the idea that Flair is a heel at the moment. The match was there so Flair could come out and attack Funk to set up their match down the road, even though I’m not sure how much interest there is in the two of them fighting, as they’re a combined 106 years old at this point.
Overall Rating: D-. So they bring Flair back and turn him heel, again leaving Sid and Funk as the top faces in this company. At this point, I really can’t bother getting annoyed anymore. Between that and Finlay and Knobbs having one of the most developed stories on the roster, this company really is just melting before our eyes. On top of all that, it’s becoming clearer and clearer that Jarrett is just going to hold the US Title without frequently, or even occasionally, defending it, meaning a big chuck of the roster is just running around fighting for no reason. It’s such a waste but it’s what we’re stuck with.
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And I won’t be watching it.The show started at 8 and I didn’t remember it until about 8:30. By 8:30:05, it was clear to me that I didn’t care about the show. Why would I want to spend months watching people compete to become a lower midcarder who isn’t likely to ever accomplish anything in WWE? If this was a bunch of people who had extensive training and experience in wrestling (think the Ultimate Fighter), I’d be all over it. However, when you consider one winner ever has accomplished anything significant in WWE (John Morrison, though Matt Cappotelli could have done something had it not been for his illness), it feels like a big waste of time.