ECW on TNN
Date: February 4, 2000
Location: War Memorial Auditorium, Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Attendance: 2,000
Commentators: Joey Styles, Joel Gertner

Here’s another series that I haven’t done anything with in a long time. The main story is going to be Mike Awesome vs. Rob Van Dam, meaning tonight’s stories aren’t going to mean much by next week. RVD would break his ankle the night after this was taped, ending the story which could have prolonged ECW for a few more months. Let’s get to it.

Joey and Joel open things up in the ring as is their custom. Joel’s limerick of the week includes a very dated Elian Gonzalez joke which prompts a LOUD “send him back!” chant. Cyrus cuts him off before the profane punch line though and rants from his desk but Van Dam and Fonzie walk by in the back. RVD goes into Awesome’s dressing room and dives over a table to start the brawl.

Opening sequence followed by Joey running down the card.

Living Dangerously ad.

Raven is talking to the Sinister Minister in the back when Heyman comes in and tells Raven to snap out of it already.

Steve Corino/Rhyno vs. Tommy Dreamer/Dusty Rhodes

This is Dusty’s first match in six years and the idea is Dusty is the hardcore pioneer here in Florida. Corino wants to start with Dusty and threatens Dreamer with Rhyno violence if he doesn’t get his wish. Dusty comes in and offers Corino a free shot but runs away from a teased Bionic Elbow. Rhyno tags himself in and is immediately caught in Dusty’s horrible figure four. Jack Victory tries to come in but gets caught in a figure four as well. Even Francine puts one on Corino to complete the obvious joke.

Everything breaks down and they head into the set and crowd. Corino is busted open at Dusty’s hands and Dusty pounds on the cut even more in the ring. Off to Dreamer for a Bionic Elbow of his own but he heads to the floor where Rhyno crotches him on the barricade. Rhyno pounds on Dreamer back inside and hits a Gore in the corner for no cover.

A top rope splash gets two on Dreamer but Rhyno takes too much time going up a second time and Dreamer superplexes him down. Hot tag brings in Dusty and the good guys rain down right hands in opposite corners. Rhyno fights out and Gores Dreamer before clotheslining Dusty down. Dreamer comes back in with a chair to lay out Rhyno and the Bionic Elbow is enough to pin Corino.

Rating: C+. This was about as good as you’re going to get for a structured ECW match. They worked the tag team formula quite well here with Dreamer getting beaten down until he could make the hot tag to Dusty. The idea of Dusty getting his revenge on Corino was fine as well, making for an entertaining match.

The Impact Players are in a hot tub and say they need better competition. This is an excuse for Dawn Marie to be in a bikini and there’s not a thing wrong with that.

Danny Doring and Roadkill want to be tag team champions. Elektra gets annoyed when Doring mentions getting more women. She grabs him low and threatens far worse if he strays and threatens Dawn Marie a bit.

Joel makes fun of TNN because he can.

House show ads.

Mikey Whipwreck talks about how awesome he is and how he’s going to win the TV Title tonight.

TV Title: Mikey Whipwreck vs. Rob Van Dam

Mikey dives on Rob during the extended entrance to get things going. He sends Van Dam’s head into the railing and then into the post before hitting a bad looking rana to take Van Dam down. They head inside and Whipwreck gets two off a slingshot elbow followed by a top rope clothesline for the same. Van Dam hits a spin kick to the face for his first offense and adds the surfboard dropkick into a chair into Mikey’s face for good measure.

Back to the floor and Rob superkicks him over the barricade before hitting the spin kick off the apron into Mikey’s back. They head back inside for the cartwheel moonsault followed by Rolling Thunder onto a chair from the champion. Mikey comes back with a German suplex and a Pedigree onto the chair for two each. Another chair is thrown in for the Van Daminator and the Five Star retains the title.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t bad but it was little more than a spotfest. Mikey was there as a jobber to the stars and nothing more at this point so the match wasn’t going to be much more than a glorified squash. Van Dam could pop a crowd doing anything, which is why the injury really was the final straw for the company.

Mike Awesome is in the parking lot and wants to hurt both Spike and RVD.

Van Dam says his belt means more than Awesome’s.

House show ads.

We close the show with breaking news about Rob Van Dam breaking his leg in Orlando. More details next week.

Overall Rating: C+. This was a pretty decent show with some fun matches and story development, but as I said the whole promotion would be turned upside down by Van Dam’s injury. It completely derailed the main story the company had been building to for weeks and crippled everything they had going. That’s a shame too as this show was pretty entertaining stuff.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my book on the History of Starrcade from Amazon for just $4 at:

Halloween Havoc 2000
Date: October 29, 2000
Location: MGM Grand Garden Arena, Las Vegas, Nevada
Attendance: 7,582
Commentators: Stevie Ray, Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden

We’re in the dying days of the company here as with so few shows to go there’s really no reason for me to not finish these off. Goldberg is face again after that disaster of a heel turn for him. It’s more or less a double main event tonight with him vs. Kronik. The idea is that he has to break his original winning streak to get a title shot or he retires. The other match is Booker vs. Steiner for the title. Yeah not much has changed. Let’s get to it.

Wow that announce team scares me to death. For some reason Stevie got a big push late in WCW’s run and became a commentator. No one is really sure why.

Pamela (GORGEOUS) asks some fans if Goldberg wins or loses. They’re split.

Standard IT’S HALLOWEEN promo starts us off. Sting vs. Jarrett is a big match too apparently. Oh it’s that show isn’t it. This show has one of the dumbest matches I’ve ever seen so we need to get into this before I stab myself over that.

Tony says this is in fact SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT. I give up.

Tag Titles: Boogie Knights vs. Rey Mysterio/Billy Kidman vs. Natural Born Thrillers

Boogie Knights are Disco and Alex Wright and the Thrillers are Mark Jindrak and Sean and Mark O’Haire and have the belts here. There was some weird deal where the Knights won the belts but Mike Sanders decided the title change didn’t count and gave them the belts back. There are advertisements at every corner of the ring. WCW’s latest horrible video game (no wrestling in the ring, just in the back) is the sponsor. Nice to see how well the sponsorship deals are going isn’t it?

Wright, Kidman and Jindrak start us off. That’s what I always liked about WCW triple threats: they had triple threats instead of three team tag matches. Alex allegedly has the most experience. Not quite but in WCW he did I guess. Bronco Buster misses and here’s Disco. I forgot Konnan was there until he said something about Shane Douglas. It’s a big WZ Preunion here.

Everyone keeps working to beat up the Thrillers. In a nice move, Disco sets up Sean to allow Kidman to come off with the Shooting Star but instead he jumps at Disco with a back elbow in a thinking move. Wright gets a lot of praise here which is weird. You could tell he was one of those guys that they wanted to do something with but they never quite could do it.

We get a Tower of Doom spot as I’m getting into this triple threat tag match formula. Rey, Sean and Disco come in. Sean has a dime dropped on him and Disco takes a modified seated senton for two each. Sean’s knee may be hurt. The Thrillers use one of their signature awesome spots where they pick up Rey for what looks like a double hip toss and throw him from the floor over the top rope and into the ring. That was awesome looking.

They do the same to Kidman but Wright catches him in mid air in a belly to belly for two. This is getting awesome fast. Big plancha by Alex to take out Disco and Jindrak. Let the cruiserweights loose as the big dives begin. Kid Crusher on Wright (Unprettier/Killswitch) gets two. Top rope rana by Rey to Disco is followed by a Bronco Buster.

Last Dance (Stunner) by Disco gets two as Rey drops a dime on Disco to break it up but it allows O’Haire to hit the Seanton (yes I spelled that right) Bomb to end it. Imagine a guy Orton’s size doing a Swanton and imagine how awesome it would look. Wright beats up Rey afterwards and Konnan tries to save. He gets beaten down also but Sgt. AWOL (member of the MIA) comes in for the save. Konnan can’t stand up.

Rating: B. This was FUN. You had six relatively young guys out there just having fun in a fast paced tag match. It’s a great choice for an opener and I got very into it. This was WCW’s problem though: this is pretty much going to be the match of the night and the crowd is going to decline as we continue. Very fun opener though and I liked it a lot.

AWOL has a hardcore title match next so he just hangs out and sets up a table. WCW guys come out and attach trash cans full of weapons to the posts.

Hardcore Title: Reno vs. Sergeant AWOL

I liked Reno so this should be bad anyway. Reno brings a kendo stick and pops Wall (his old name) with it so Wall kicks him in the face then goes through a table. Uh sure. We have NEW Hardcore rules here which are now falls count anywhere and anything goes. Back in the day the matches had to start in the back and end in the ring. WCW managed to make a video game out of that concept. Yeah they were dead at this point.

Just a basic weapons match at this point with no one really caring. See what I meant about the quality going down? Wall puts the trashcan over Reno’s head and kicks the can into the railing. That looked painful but after looking at it for about two seconds you can see he missed Reno completely. And now he does it again just because he can. Wall and Stevie do the Too Sweet hand gesture for zero explained reason.

They head up to the ramp as Stevie says this could end at the Brown Derby. For those unfamiliar, the Brown Derby is a restaurant in Los Angeles. Chokeslam is blocked and Reno hits the Roll of the Dice (Cross Rhodes) on the ramp. He gets a table and then a second one on top of that. According to the laws of wrestling of course Reno goes through them shortly thereafter.

The guys go off into some BIG empty area (you know because it’s not like FANS could go there as we need it for this one moment in a pointless match) before we head to the back. A computer monitor is thrown at Reno who counters with a fire extinguisher for two. Computer monitor to Reno’s head lets Madden say he knew the internet would destroy wrestling. That’s very funny all things considered. Actually it’s not as Mark Madden is not a laughing matter.

Wall drills Finlay who is an agent at this point and we head back into the arena. This is just going on WAY too long at this point and it’s not interesting at all anymore. Scratch that as it would imply that something about this match was interesting at all in the first place. Wall gets the fifth table of the match (the word overkill means nothing in WCW if you didn’t get that) but gets hit with a chair by Reno. Roll of the Dice (Cross Rhodes.  It looked weak with no impact at all) onto the table ends this.

Rating: D-. This got ELEVEN MINUTES. Yeah this match is deserving of more time than the good opener. There was nothing at all here to set this apart from any other standard hardcore match. WCW had no idea what they were doing with this division and that’s very clear.

More Thrillers come down for the post match beatdown until the Misfits come out for the save.

Shane talks to the Thrillers which either isn’t live or Palmbo managed to get to the back and get dressed inside of 6 seconds. Ah ok it’s earlier today. Nash has put Douglas in charge of the Thrillers for the night. Sure why not.

Goldberg was hurt on Thunder apparently.

Kronik is looking for Goldberg who isn’t here yet. They want some beer. See they were big strong guys that beat people up for money and drank beer. Yeah you get the idea.

Perfect Event vs. Misfits in Action

Shawn Stasiak/Chuck Palumbo vs. Lieutenant Loco (Chavo)/Corporal Cajun (Lash Leroux) for those of you unfamiliar. This was signed seconds ago. Well of course it was. Stasiak has been a problem in the group apparently so expect that to cause the loss for them. Chavo and Stasiak start us off here as this is just a basic tag team match.

Chavo plays Ricky Morton as I could not be less interested in this match while still writing about it. We get the second release date for Backstage Assault in the last ten minutes. One thing says Halloween and one thing says not until December. The game sucked anyway so it’s not like it really mattered. According to Tony there used to be a limit to the amount of saves a partner could make in a match. I’ve heard of that before actually so it’s not as insane as it sounds.

NICE overhead belly to belly by Palumbo to Chavo as it’s all Perfect Event. Hot tag to Cajun who was underrated I think. A bad sleeper from Palumbo has Cajun in trouble for bad acting. The referee is Scott Armstrong, as in the blonde guy that used to be in WWE with the hitch in his count.

If you’re going to use the sleeper, at least do something other than having an arm in front of the throat Palumbo. Soon afterwards everything goes nuts and like I said before heel miscommunication leads to Palumbo kicking Stasiak and a tornado DDT from Chavo ends it.

Rating: D+. This was just there. It’s about ten minutes long and nothing at all of note happens in it. Two teams had a wrestling match on a show for the company they work for. That’s all that happened here. It was just ok and this was once again one of the issues with WCW: matches on PPV had no point at all, much like this one.

Kidman and Rey won’t sub for Konnan who is still hurt.

Shane Douglas/Torrie Wilson vs. Konnan/Tygress

Torrie is dressed as Wonder Woman and DANG. Shane cuts his usual awful promo about how the whole injury thing earlier was planned. Sure why not. No Konnan to start us off. Tygress sets for a Bronco Buster (FACE FULL OF STUFF according to Madden) is blocked and there is still no Konnan. We saw him heading to the ring before the match started and here he is from through the crowd. Did he get lost or something? Was he following a trail of popcorn maybe?

Rolling clothesline hits Shane as Konnan is wearing a Vince Carter Team USA jersey. We get something close to an actual tag match finally with the guys in there. And so much for that as Tygress beats her up. Tony shows the idiocy of himself as he’s shocked that a woman can do a wristlock. You know, in a company where there was a Women’s Cruiserweight Title.

Shane punches Tygress to send her down as this is boring already. Mixed tags rarely work and this is no exception. Torrie can’t wrestle. That’s all there is to it. Madden makes sex jokes as Stevie calls a camel clutch a Boston Crab. Oh wait we have to call it a Steiner Recliner. Sure why not.

Why did Shane Douglas keep getting work? He was only worth anything in ECW and even there it wasn’t much. Outside of that though, no one was ever interested and yet he kept getting pushes. Konnan comes in and seems to be just fine of course. More Bronco Busters as this needs to end badly. And then Konnan does a double facebuster on the heels to win it. Thank goodness.

Rating: D-. Torrie looked good. The rest of this is a failure. Was there a point anywhere here? If there was I missed it completely. Totally boring match with nothing going on at all and Tygress being in the ring more often than not. There’s nothing else to say here at all.

David Flair has a First DNA match tonight to find out who slept with his girlfriend and fathered her child. He has two guys in labcoats with him. Again, two more guys that get a PPV paycheck here that are completely unneeded.

Buff Bagwell vs. David Flair

This is a first blood match. Buff cuts a basic promo early on about David being rather small. David is a guy I felt sorry for as he had more or less zero talent but he kept going out there and trying as hard as he could in a spot he flat out was not ready for but was there because of his last name being Flair. It wasn’t his fault though so it’s hard to get on him.

David is slammed off the top as this is one sided so far as it should be. Since this is a first blood match, both guys use a lot of slams and work on the other guy’s back. Flair finally swings a chair which of course misses. Chair shot to David and the somehow best wrestler in this match, Buff Bagwell, has David in trouble. Yeah Flair is bleeding and the referee doesn’t seem to care. Buff throws in a Blockbuster just for fun as the referee finally sees it.

Rating: F. Another stupid match. We have a five minute first blood match of course because clearly this needed a gimmick. This went nowhere at all and was almost pure dominance by Bagwell.

Luger comes down and beats up Bagwell with Tony shouting about how many times is Luger going to turn on people. Buff’s mouth is busted open and David gets a sample from it. David walks toward the back as Goldberg is getting here, an hour into the show. This was supposed to end with Russo sleeping with Stacy which thankfully never happened.

Steiner cuts another generic promo.

Mike Sanders vs. Ernest Miller

Ok, this is one of those matches that you just have to go with. This is a kickboxing match between a wrestler (Sanders) and a karate dude (Ernest Miller) for the Commissionership of WCW. There are three two minute rounds. You can only win by knockout as in after a ten count as well. Somehow this is by far the simplest aspect of the thing by the end of the match.

The winner is the Commissioner, which about five people have been in the past 12 months. Perfect Event is at ringside with Sanders and Cat’s chick, Ms. Jones, is with him. Miller, someone actually trained in this, of course destroys him for the most part. Round one ends and of course they fight even more after the bell.

There are no points or judges or anything so if no one is knocked out by the end of the rounds I have no idea what happens. To be fair I have no idea what is happening in the match itself so it balances out I guess. At about a minute gone by in the SECOND round, both of which are TWO MINUTES long, Tony says it’s been about four minutes so far. Do I even need to make fun of this anymore?

Sanders gets drilled by a punch and the Perfect Event argues over whether or not to throw in the towel. Sanders wants it in but the bell rings and he can’t leave yet. And here’s Shane Douglas here to be annoying I guess. Since it’s a wrestling show, the referee is on the floor arguing during the match. Cat gets a cartwheel kick to END Sanders.

Palumbo gets in again and Douglas pops Miller with a chain. The referee does the SLOWEST COUNT EVER, being at 6 with 20 seconds left but Miller is saved by the bell. Madden gets popped. Keep in mind that the match is over. Miller hits the floor and the referee starts counting as Miller brawls with Douglas and Sanders wins after the match is over.

Rating: N/A. To sum this up, a wrestler beat a martial artist in a kickboxing match after he beat the bell when a guy hit him with a chain but was counted out for leaving the ring to brawl with a guy not in the match after the fight was over to lose the commissionership of a major wrestling company. And Vince Russo made 2 million dollars a year for this. Let that sink in the next time you get your paycheck.

A doctor talks to Goldberg who insists he’s fine.

Kronik says they don’t care if they wrestle tonight as they get paid either way.

Vampiro vs. Mike Awesome

It’s That 70s Guy here which is yet another instance where WCW blows what could have been someone special. This is Vampiro’s last match with WCW so who do you think wins it? Vampiro has been extra evil or something lately and hates Awesome just because. Awesome has some title shot coming and Vampiro wants it on the line. Awesome, having nothing to gain, says sure.

Big plancha to the floor by Mike to half kill Vampiro. Dang he was great back in the day. Naturally since he was young and good he was made into a comedy character. We head into the crowd now and it’s all Awesome. A fan jumps Awesome and he’s in trouble people that need to drink to get through a show this bad.

Vampiro grabs a chair for both guys and we have a duel. Just wasting time now as not a lot is going on. Vampiro goes for a top rope belly to belly but he more or less just drops Awesome, letting him fly through the air and do all of the work, making it look bad. Awesome busts out a table which makes this at least the second match with them in it. Since they were used earlier, not a lot of people care here.

Stevie wants to know why this is legal and gets no answer. Stevie freaking Ray is the voice of reason on this show. The same Stevie Ray that had a segment called Suckas Gots To Know. Anyway Vampiro hits his finisher and looks for more weapons because he’s an idiot. Madden gets a Ghostbusters line in to make this a bit easier. Sitout Awesome Bomb on the floor as this is now falls count anywhere I guess.

Back in the ring as Vampiro takes an Awesome Bomb from the top rope for the academic pin. In other words the table means absolutely nothing as it wasn’t used at all. And of course we have a solid enough match like that and we get That 70s Guy music and go to General Rection. Nothing wrong with that is there?

Rating: C-. Not bad here and very physical. Awesome would change gimmicks eventually and get back to just being a tough guy but it was too late. Vampiro is a guy I never got at all and to this day I still don’t. This was ok though as Awesome just beat the crap out of him. The rules made no sense but that’s WCW for you.

Rection tries as well as he can to make this work but he’s still named General Rection.

We get a replay of the powerbomb. Is there a reason we needed to go to the interview before we saw that?

US Title: Jim Duggan/Lance Storm vs. General Rection

Storm is US Champion and has Major Gunns with him who is there against her will. Those white shorts were incredible looking on her though. Duggan was turned heel for zero apparent reason but hey, why not go against his character for about 12 years? Storm is still awesome in this role though so I’ll give him that. I feel sorry for Rection. He was trying as hard as he could here but the name was just something you couldn’t take him seriously with.

Duggan’s board is thrown out. I wish someone would take away my bored(om). The fans chant USA for the American face here. The Americans start us off here. Storm comes in and Rection clears the ring. Storm in now as nothing is really going on yet. They’re trying to make Rection look like a big deal here but like I’ve said, with that name how is that really possible?

Hacksaw goes for the referee but does nothing with him. He looks old and fat here so I guess he fits in perfectly. Double clothesline puts both guys down. I know I’m not saying much here but there’s nothing to say here. Sleeper goes on and draws some boos. Rection moves out of the way so Storm drills Duggan. Madden says the General has to beat both guys then says just one guy. Love that clarification Mark. I bet if this was TNA you’d know for sure.

Down goes everyone included the referee leaving only Duggan standing. Duggan hits a Piledriver but there’s no referee. He finally comes back and gets crushed on Rection’s kickout. Elix Skipper, another member of Team Canada, comes out with the board but Gunns drills him with the Canadian flag. She jumps Storm, allowing Rection to hit the moonsault (as in his head hits Duggan’s knee kind of) for the US Title.

Rating: D-. All because of Gunns here. This was just boring and the missed spot near the end just killed this thing out of whatever it had left going for it. General Rection is the US Champion. Is calling him Hugh Morrus really all that bad? It’s certainly a better sounding name but whatever. Pretty weak match so it fits in with the rest of the show.

Preview for Mayhem which Tony says is on Monday. Are days of the week really that hard?

Jarrett says he’s going to show that Sting has no spirit anymore. Can these two feud over anything else? He promises to see the evolution of Sting’s career tonight. Oh crap it’s THAT match.

Quick video here that says the same things the promo says.

Sting vs. Jeff Jarrett

Jarrett runs to start and Sting drills him. We fight on the floor and Sting dominates. Brock Lesnar just lost the UFC Title so I’m a bit stunned still. Splash misses but Sting braces himself and never loses control. And now we have a guy on the stage dressed like Sting was in the late 80s. Sting (I’ll use the name Sting for the real one) beats up the imitation and Death Drops him on the stage.

Madden: can you get disqualified for beating yourself up? That’s actually a decent question. The distraction allows Jarrett to take over and we go into the crowd. Out of the crowd (and what a coincidence that Sting took them to the perfect place) a 1990 Sting appears. One of the fake Stings (oh you know more are coming) is Chris Harris of TNA fame. Another Death Drop leaves him laying.

Cue the Wolfpack Sting and it’s the red paint Sting. Dang we skipped like 8 years in there. We get into a discussion of whether the Wolfpack was heel or face as the third fake Sting goes down but Jarrett picks up the bat and pops Sting which the referee is fine with I guess. And we get another sleeper now which even Madden makes fun of. When that fat jerk is making jokes about you that are correct, you have issues.

Sting makes the comeback and hooks a sleeper of his own just to bore us a bit more. Here’s the real comeback as he avoids a dropkick and goes for the Scorpion. And of course a fourth Sting pops up from under the ring (I think this is Harris) and pulls him through the ring. Fans boo the HECK out of this as Sting beats him up too. Stinger Splash hits twice and there go the lights.

The fifth fake Sting repels from the ceiling (can they please get their continuity right?) and Sting beats him down too. His wig falls off and Sting puts him through the table. It would have been nice if the table didn’t break BEFORE the impact but whatever. Back in the ring Sting goes for the Scorpion but Sting #4 pops him with a guitar. This is no sold but Jarrett’s guitar shot ends it. I give up.

Rating: R. As in only Russo can be blamed for this idiocy. Screw wrestling (it’s Jarrett/Sting. Do you really think it’s going to be bad?) apparently for the sake of insanity and FUN booking right? Two million dollars a year. Let that sink in again guys. How is a Scott Steiner match sounding like relief?

Booker talks about Goldberg for no apparent reason.

Brief Steiner video follows as we repair the ring.

WCW World Title: Scott Steiner vs. Booker T

Wow that was a quick fixing job on the ring. Ok apparently Booker changed the card order so Goldberg could have extra time. My face more or less says what the heck as I heard that but I want to get this show over with so I’ll let it go. Also the champion is coming out first here. In the back Steiner freaks out and beats up an agent because they’re not on last.

Was there any point to that? I get the concept of it making Steiner seem even crazier but did it add anything at all? They try to make this out to be some huge match but it’s not working at all. After a brief opening sequence Steiner goes out into the crowd after a fan. He was legit crazy for awhile so of course he got bigger and bigger pushes throughout the year.

Steiner throws some STIFF shots that sound very painful. We head into the crowd now as nothing of note is going on. Steiner puts Booker through the announce table as Stevie gets in a somewhat funny line: “Tony that’s the last table that we have!” The delivery was better than it sounds.

Surfboard by Steiner which thank goodness doesn’t end with a curb stomp. He yells at Stevie a lot as this is pretty much dominance. Steiner blocks the Axe Kick and it’s all Scotty here. Samoan Drop from the middle rope gets no cover. At this point there are fifteen minutes in the entire broadcast and we have an elimination handicap match to go. Spinning belly to belly gets two.

Stevie keeps harping on the fact that Scott will never be a champion. Takes one to know one I guess eh Stevie? Almost all Steiner here other than a little here and there from the champion. Missile dropkick hits for two which is surprising as that was one of his signature moves. Axe kick (complete with Steiner just standing there hunched over forever) hits for two.

Midajah (Steiner’s Freak) slips him a pipe which drills Booker in the knee which isn’t a DQ. The referee yells at him so the referee gets beaten up and put in a Tree of Woe. A second referee comes in during the Steiner Recliner so Steiner beats him up too. Even Madden is confused here, but that could be because someone asked him his name. The third referee comes in to DQ Steiner and the pipe beats up every referee and security guard in sight.

Rating: D. Another crap match here with a bad ending. Steiner DESTROYED the champion here for the most part and it looked horrible. Steiner would get the title the next month anyway which makes me wonder why in the world they didn’t go with that ending here. Steiner looked dominant here, making Booker look like a paper champion for the next month. Nice job WCW.

Jarrett has to come down to calm him down afterwards.

Package on Kronik vs. Goldberg. Russo hired them to beat Goldberg. End of story.

Goldberg vs. Kronik

Kronik’s music hits with about 8 minutes to go in the broadcast. Adams is freaking talking now. He says Goldberg hasn’t been cleared so there’s no match tonight. After the debacle of 1998’s version of this show how stupid are they? Their music plays and we cut to the back to see the athletic commission saying Goldberg is fine. His music hits with six minutes to go so we have his FULL ENTRANCE too.

Four and a half minutes to go with his pyro hitting. This is going to be so stupid. He’s in the ring with four minutes left and this is already horrible looking. No tagging here. They throw him to the floor and it’s just a brawl. Not a good one or anything but a brawl nonetheless. Even Tony says this isn’t a match. Nice to see him just admit it. Double clothesline puts Bill down.

We get ANOTHER TABLE as even Madden and Tony roll their eyes at this. Tony: We’re NEVER out of tables. Stevie: WHY DIDN’T WE GET THAT ONE? High Time (Double Chokeslam) through the table is blocked. Goldberg spears Clark (Tony gets the name wrong) through the table to end him as we’re told he has to beat both guys. Naturally this lasts like 30 seconds and the spear/Jackhammer end it. Three and a half minute main event. We’re off the air 20 seconds after the pin.

Rating: F. The main event of a PPV was a squash match that lasted three and a half minutes with former tag champions getting ended that fast. Do I need to explain why this was a failure?

Overall Rating: F-. This is one of the worst PPVs I can remember in a LONG time. There is all of one decent match on the card and like I said it went downhill after that. Stupid booking and stupid gimmicks all around and the show sucked because of it. Just a horrible show and the epitome of a lot of the things wrong with Russo. The world title match ended in a DQ and the main event didn’t break 200 seconds. You tell me why this sucked.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Starrcade from Amazon for just $4 at:

 

Great American Bash 2000
Date: June 11, 2000
Location: Baltimore Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Attendance: 7,031
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Scott Hudson

 

Well I figured that since I’m halfway through 2000 I might as well finish the year off and for some reason I thought it would be better to start adding one on to the end at a time. Anyway the main event is Jarrett vs. Nash for the title with a huge swerve that would be blasted from one end of the world to another but that’s expected. The rest of the card is your usual WCW 2000 garbage so let’s get to it.

 

There are cops waiting on Goldberg to get here because I guess he isn’t here yet or something.

 

The opening video talks about the matches tonight, which has Flair vs. Flair and Hogan vs. Billy Kidman. Well ok then. No theme to it or anything, just a list of some matches.

 

Apparently Goldberg has been let out of a Nashville jail. Why is he in it? Who cares. Apparently he was in it though.

 

Cruiserweight Title: Disco Inferno vs. Lieutenant Loco

 

Loco is Chavo Guerrero and is champion here. Chavo says he has a surprise for Disco: and it’s something that the announcers aren’t thrilled with him having. I don’t particularly care since they’re not sure either but apparently it’s something they would have gotten in trouble for having. Disco is part of the Filthy Animals here. Can we just look at Major Gunns and Tygress?

 

Everyone is chilling at ringside so it looks like a lumberjack match for the most part. Disco is in a Lakers jersey and Chavo is in blue camouflage so this is a rather weird looking match to say the least. Chavo takes over to start but Disco gets a hot shot to take over. And never mind as he gets sent to the floor for the quick beatdown by the Misfits. Scott dubs Disco the Hip Hop Inferno.

 

Big dive off the top by Chavo takes out Disco as this match is dragging badly. It’s not that bad but it’s just a bit boring to say the least. Back in the rind and Disco gets a slam and dances a bit. Some old dude in a helmet wanders out to hit on Tygress. Apparently he’s General Rection’s grandfather so Konnan shoves him down. While that’s going on Juvy comes in and beats up Loco but Lash Leroux takes out Disco and puts Chavo on top for the pin.

 

Rating: D. What a freaking mess. You have Chavo who was incredible at this point and Disco who was……well Chavo was incredible at this point so he more than could have carried a five minute match by himself. Instead this was a total wreck with no flow at all to it and barely any wrestling at all. Why do I have a feeling that this is going to be a running theme tonight?

 

Some very bad actors dressed as cops tell Bischoff and Miller that their surprise for Nash is safe.

 

The Mamalukes say they’ll win. This results in a lot of bad Italian stereotypes. Apparently Vito claims to be the Hardcore Champion even though Johnny the Bull was supposed to be.

 

Order this show and get a Hulk Hogan…..inflatable raft? Dude…..why?

 

Kronik vs. Mamalukes

 

Winners are the #1 contenders. During the intros we’re assured that Goldberg WILL NOT be here tonight. Good to know indeed. The winner gets the Perfect Event. Apparently since the Mamalukes are in the New Blood they can defend the title using the Freebird Rule. Vito gets beaten down by Adams to start and they switch off. Clark hits a Rock Bottom to Johnny and the Italians are getting destroyed so far.

 

Vito comes back in and still has the belt on. I have a feeling that’s going to be a running joke here. Clark gets chopped and smacked in the chest a few times as Tony talks about how the Mamalukes walked into WCW and won the tag titles. Yes, that doesn’t bury the division in the slightest. Adams comes in to hammer on Johnny a bit. Full Nelson Slam kills Johnny for two. DDT gets no cover for Johnny as he brings in Vito instead.

 

Not that it really matters as Kronik hammers him down using the power of marijuana. Their name was Kronik and their finisher was called High Times. What do you think they were talking about? Clark botches what would become known as the F5, more or less dropping him on his head for two. Johnny comes in so Vito sits goes over and polishes the belt. A reverse cross body literally misses by four feet and High Times end Johnny a second later. Vito doesn’t seem to mind.

 

Rating: C-. Just a match really as there was no real need for them to fight other than for the sake of being the #1 contenders. Not bad or anything, but I have no idea who I was supposed to cheer for out there. In other words, Russo lives! Let there be no defined faces or heels ever!!!

 

DDP has something special for Mike Awesome apparently.

 

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Mike Awesome

 

This is an ambulance match. Page’s surprise is Chris Kanyon in a wheelchair after Awesome threw him off a cage and broke his neck or something. And of course, Kanyon will NEVER turn on DDP EVER! They head to the floor and then the crowd almost immediately. Page gets a shot in to send us back to ringside very quickly as this is a big brawl. They somehow change momentum three times in 10 seconds and make it four in 12.

 

The referee is down also but that’s WCW for you. To the ring now as the referee is getting up a bit. Awesome comes off the top with a back elbow and a belly to back suplex has Page down. Tony thinks it’s odd that there’s no surprise yet, even though Bischoff kept saying it was for NASH, who hadn’t been seen yet. Awesome sets up a table as we talk about Kanyon a bit.

 

Powerbomb through the table as this is a match that was used in a clip on Whose Line Is It Anyway? Page is put on a stretcher because simply throwing him in the ambulance isn’t enough I guess. Awesome gets a chair shot in and we head back to the ring because winning doesn’t matter right? Top rope splash looks to kill Page and the second probably does. A third splash misses as Page is between a pair of chairs this time so he had to move right?

 

Here’s Kimberly because Page is out there. They’re having “problems” which were probably brought on by her heel turn. She hits DDP with a pipe so Miss Hancock (Stacy Keibler) comes out and drags her off. They’re “having problems” also apparently. Awesome looks for an Awesome Bomb off the top but Page gets a low blow and a Diamond Cutter off the top. The medical people put him on a stretcher and here comes Bischoff to take out Kanyon. And of course Kanyon comes out of his wheelchair and hits a Diamond Cutter to end Page. Awesome wins with ease.

 

Rating: D. The match was junk, but let’s take a look at the angle that ended the match. Kanyon was indeed thrown off a cage to the ramp. It’s not like we saw that off camera or anything. DDP took care of him and then Kanyon betrays him for the people that tried to cripple him in less than a month? Are we really supposed to buy that Awesome was able to convince Kanyon that Page was the bad guy? Or that Kanyon was in on this all along and that he went along with being thrown around like that? And people wonder why Russo’s booking is so criticized.

 

The announcers point out how stupid this is.

 

Shawn Stasiak vs. G.I. Bro

 

And here’s the latest way to waste a guy like Booker: he’s a military guy when there’s already a military themed stable. He comes in on a zip line like Shawn did at Mania 12, but at about 1/3 of the height and 1/10 of the speed. The announces speculate that Kanyon was the surprise because they’re not that smart. Oh apparently Booker is part of the MIA. It just wasn’t mentioned until here.

 

This is a Boot Camp match, which means Last Man Standing. Why they’re fighting isn’t required information but I’d bet it’s MIA vs. New Blood. They’re both in camo here because that’s what you do in the army right? Booker takes him to the floor and hammers away as we go into the crowd. WEAK chair to the head (drawing slight booing) takes down Stasiak for all of a second. A horrible top rope forearm gets about seven.

 

Oh and don’t worry: we’re willing to cut away to the back at the drop of a hat if Goldberg arrives. You know, because you paid your money to see a car pull into a parking lot 45 minutes into a show right? Jumping back elbow puts Booker down and they actually treat it like a move that could end this. Big spinwheel kick by Booker takes him down for no reaction for the most part.

 

Stasiak sends him to the floor and we head to the ramp for a suplex. Back in the ring as there’s no heat on this match in the slightest. Back to the floor again as they have no idea what to do with nearly 14 minutes total for this match. Chair shot puts Booker down on the floor and back in the ring a gutwrench powerbomb gets 9. Time for a sleeper because this match isn’t boring enough already.

 

The fans chant boring and I can’t blame them in the slightest. This is what we mean when we say adding a gimmick for the sake of adding a gimmick. They can’t even explain why these two are fighting and yet we’re supposed to want to see a gimmick match between them an hour into the show in the fifth slot? There’s no heat here and the only reason this gimmick is here is because someone has a military gimmick.

 

Book End hits out of nowhere and I don’t bother waiting to hear what the stupid military name of that is. They call it a uranage suplex here but screw that. Of course it only gets like five but it sets up the missile dropkick, as in both of his finishers that can’t take down Stasiak. Palumbo, Stasiak’s partner, comes out with the Lex-Flexor exercise bar but hits Booker low anyway. A shot to the back of Booker puts him down as Tony rants against relaxed rules in a match with no rules. Booker gets up and mostly hits a double clothesline and beats up the tag champions on his own. A shot to Stasiak with the flexor ends this.

 

Rating: D-. Oh give me a break. Someone thought that Shawn freaking Stasiak was the best use of Booker T here? I mean come on now man. There was zero reason at all for this to be a gimmick match in the slightest so they went with it anyway. Guess what is up next: a gimmick match. After that, another gimmick match. Before this, another gimmick match. This is a great example of Russo’s writing in a nutshell and one of the better ones you’ll ever see. Oh and the match sucked, easily the worst last man standing match I’ve ever seen.

 

Goldberg’s monster truck is here.

 

Page might still be here.

 

Kanyon says he’s positive DDP is gone. Make that Positively Kanyon. This was the start of Kanyon’s newest gimmick: he would imitate Page who had a new book out called Positively Page. This, of course, went nowhere of note. This somehow translates to Bischoff got to Kanyon in the hospital and brainwashed him. I give up.

 

The Wall vs. Shane Douglas

 

Douglas curses a lot before the match and apparently doesn’t like Flair and Hogan. Now this is no longer a tables match as we’re going to make it a best of five tables matches with Shane saying now we’re guaranteed five tables being broken. Thank you for admitting you’re going through at least two Shane. Ok now you have to put someone through five tables to win. PICK A RULE ALREADY!

 

It’s first to five now. Ok, let’s stick with that. Wall has a really stupid looking black goatee now so he looks like a cross between Hitler and Kurrgan. Again no reason given for why they’re fighting or anything because that would be important information right? Standard match to start as we continue to waste more time on this show. Douglas hits a suplex and a reverse Hennig neck snap.

 

Wall is sent onto a table but not through it. No one has gone through anything yet. They fight on the floor in maybe second gear at best. Shane tries a suplex through it but gets countered and Wall hits a chokeslam to go up 1-0. Wall blocks a shot into the post and gets a release belly to back suplex through the table as they change the rules in the middle of the match to make it best of five instead of first to five.

 

Back in the ring as Shane is totally fine after a pair of table breaks with a low blow. Shane wants to take it to the back but settles for by the stage instead. What a shock: there are a bunch of tables there with a ladder next to them. Shane goes up the ladder and there are either two tables on a stage or three in a row with a cloth over the bottom one. Wall has his back to the tables but wants a chokeslam anyway. Shane knocks him through it with brass knuckles as all of a sudden it’s just TWO tables again but they say Shane wins anyway as it switches from 3 to 2 to 3 again inside of five seconds. Just go on already.

 

Rating: F+. We get it: you can have gimmick matches. Was there a point to having this be a table match? Or even to have the match in the first place? NOT IMPORTANT!!! This is yet another stupid gimmick match as Russo treats its fans like idiots that are going to be easily fascinated by things being broken. Whatever dude.

 

Wall puts the referee through a table post match just because.

 

Hogan arrives, 75 minutes into the show in an old school Dodge Charger.

 

US Title: Scott Steiner vs. Tank Abbot

 

Scott is US Champion here and this may or may not be for the title. We’ll say it is anyway as it would make sense…..yeah let’s just go with non-title. It’s also in the Steel Asylum. Here’s another brilliant idea of WCW. The Asylum is a small round cage about 10 feet in diameter that is lowered into the ring. No ropes or anything, just a small cage. And now Rick Steiner is added to the match to make it a handicap. Well sure why not.

 

US Title: Scott Steiner vs. Rick Steiner/Tank Abbott

 

Scott is a face here if that wasn’t clear. Rick and Tank double team him for awhile and here comes the cage. The fans chant for Goldberg but even he couldn’t save something this stupid. They destroy Scott for a minute or so until Tank pulls out a chain. Rick pulls a Lee Corso (that name won’t mean anything to you if you’re not from America or into college football) and says not so fast my friend. Abbott hits Rick with the chain, Scott gets a low blow, Recliner keeps the title on him. Ok so it was for the title. Good thing they waited until after the match to tell us it was in jeopardy no?

 

Rating: J. As in just….no. It runs less than four minutes, two of which are spent hammering on Scott before the whole cage thing came down. The stuff inside the little ring of death or whatever is maybe 90 seconds long and the whole thing is just stupid. I guess this was so they didn’t need to have Steiner run or whatever. Just move on.

 

Flair is here, looking like Doc Brown from Back to the Future goes Hawaiian.

 

We recap Hogan vs. Kidman. Kidman got a fluke win over Hogan so this is the rematch. If Hogan wins, he gets a title shot next month (oh boy. It’s THAT show) and if Kidman wins, Hogan retires. Hogan’s nephew Horace is refereeing and doesn’t like his uncle.

 

Hogan says that he’s not worried here because blood is thicker than New Blood. So old > new. It’s like Hogan’s whole belief system broken down into one sentence. He mentions Goldberg and Nash and says if he gets into that it’ll be the good, the bad and the ugly.

 

Billy Kidman vs. Hulk Hogan

 

Horace comes out with Kidman. Kidman has some Shawn Michaels like pyro. It’s the NWO theme for Hulk here. Kidman goes straight at him….and is destroyed pretty quickly. There’s the big boot maybe a minute in so Kidman hits the floor. Torrie has turned her back on Kidman. Meaning she WILL NOT be here right? Kidman has had no offense at all so far.

 

Back to the ring and it’s time for choking. Hogan gets in Horace’s face which of course goes nowhere. Kidman comes back with some choking but a low blow with Horace looking right at them is ignored. Here’s the weightlifting belt which is Hogan going EXTREME I guess. Back to the floor and Kidman dropkicks a chair into the face of baldie. That gets two in the ring as this is as riveting as it sounds.

 

Hogan continues to do almost nothing but punch and choke. Oh wait he rammed him into the railing twice. Hudson makes sure to let us know that we’re here because of Hogan and no one else PERIOD. Back to the ring as Kidman hits a DDT onto the chair that is so bad it’s booed before Kidman can even cover. I mean Kidman is off Hogan who then SLOWLY lowers his head down onto the chair. This is horrible.

 

Kidman gets two again and yells at Horace for calling it unfairly or something. The fans chant for Hogan who I think is the face here, making him out to be a huge bully for hammering on a guy half his size. Here comes the Hulk Up against the guy called the Flea Market Champion. There are ten punches in the corner and a running clothesline. Back to the floor for like the 4^th time and Kidman is tossed through the table.

 

Here’s Torrie so at least we have something to look at now. She hands Hulk brass knuckles because he needs them I guess. Kidman knocks Hulk into Torrie and her ankle is hurt. Kidman gets a shot with the knuckles in for two. Horace shoves Kidman and now let’s get stupid as Kidman hits Horace with the knuckles. So if they were still on his hand, why didn’t he hit Hogan with them again instead of choking him? Torrie hits Kidman low and a shot with the knucks to Kidman ends this. Oh and Hulk and Horace are cool again.

 

Rating: D-. Hey look: another stupid match with a way overbooked ending and a gimmick to it. Hogan was never going to job to Kidman twice and now Kidman looks like just as much of a joke as he did before this whole Hogan thing. It’s the difference between a rub and being in the ring with someone. He wouldn’t do anything after this other than feud with Shane Douglas which went nowhere. It’s not a failure because Torrie looked good and that’s about it.

 

Bischoff yells at a cop about life in general.

 

Bash at the Beach is coming, sponsored by Master Lock. Yes, a lock company is the best they can get at this point.

 

We recap David Flair vs. Ric Flair with the idea being that Russo has brainwashed David into thinking that Russo is the father that David never have and it’s a big Ric vs. Russo thing.

 

Russo says this is going to be fun.

 

Ric says this is going to be fun.

 

Ric’s family shows up.

 

Ric Flair vs. David Flair

 

If Ric loses he has to retire FOREVER (which is how it says it on the graphics). With Russo on the floor we actually gets some wrestling here as Ric does most of the work, namely because he has about 100x the talent. David chops away in the corner and actually takes over for a bit. You know Ric is going to sell for his oldest boy. Ric gets sent into the railing and takes a decent delayed vertical suplex for no cover.

 

And so much for David’s decent run as we hit a bad sleeper. Ric suplexes out of it and we have a very basic match going here. David’s shirt comes off as this is going very slowly here. Out to the floor as Ric takes over again. We need to get to the next match so I can use last names again. Russo interferes and takes out the knee of Ric and handcuffs him. So the referee had his back to Ric and Russo and all of a sudden Ric is in handcuffs….AND THAT’S ALL COOL??? And people wonder why this company was called stupid.

 

David puts on the Figure Four which gets him nowhere for the most part. It does get Russo to hold his hands. Does that mean they’re going steady? Reid Flair jumps the railing and hits Russo in the balls and steals the handcuff key. The referee gets the key as David beats up his brother and frees Ric. Ric’s wife or daughter (like you can tell) cuffs Russo and Ric taunts him a bit. Ric beats on David for awhile before putting him out of his misery with the Figure Four.

 

Rating: C. Somehow this was by far and away the best match of the night so far unless I’m forgetting something. It’s not that bad, mainly because they let Ric walk the far more inexperienced David through it. They didn’t try to make this too complicated and that fits because David had very little experience and his character wasn’t much of a wrestler anyway. Not too bad here I guess, all things considered.

 

Ric chops Russo a bit post match. Russo rants about various things, making a match for tomorrow night between Ric/Reid vs. Russo/David in another retirement match which would retire Flair.

 

We recap Vampiro vs. Sting with the idea being that it’s a human torch match. You have to light the other person on fire to win. That’s nothing like the Inferno match at all is it?

 

Vampiro vs. Sting

 

There’s a torch up by the video screen that you have to climb a ladder to get to. This isn’t going to end well is it? Vampiro lights the torch and has a gas can near it. There’s an ambulance and firefighters here for this. Russo must be loving this. Sting pulls the torch up above the screen as I mentioned before. Sting wants to know if Vampiro is afraid of heights because if Vampy wants Sting he has to come up here.

 

Vampiro yells a lot and we stand around a lot. Sting repels down and it’s time for the actual match to start. They fight in the ring as I have a feeling this is going to end badly. Spinwheel kick takes Sting down so Sting comes back even faster with a powerslam and a bunch of clotheslines. Stinger splash misses in the corner so Vampiro pours gasoline on Sting.

 

As always, in a huge arena, the announcers can smell the fuel many feet away. They fight up the ramp and climb up the structure with Sting getting kicked off. The announcers say that’s it so Vampiro keeps climbing. Sting climbs up anyway and there go the lights as we attempt to conceal the obvious switch that is coming up. They “fight” on top of the screen and even with the camera where it is you can barely see anything.

 

And them Vampy grabs the torch and lights Sting on fire. Sting dives off the screen to a crash pad and Vampiro wins. He must have really been burned badly because between falling down up there and the jump he lost about 3 inches of hair and shrunk a good 4 inches. That’s some powerful fire.

 

Rating: N/A. Yeah this wasn’t wrestling. This is one of those matches that is so stupid it defies logic. This is what I recommend doing in this situation: picture the booker/writer pitching this idea to say Jack Brisco, Lou Thesz and Harley Race. If the reaction is either a blank stare, massive amounts of angry cursing or a right cross, IT’S NOT A GOOD FREAKING IDEA!

 

Bischoff is talked to by some blonde chick in the back and doesn’t want to talk right now. There’s no big surprise. What is this, Monster A Go-Go?

 

WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Kevin Nash

 

Let’s get this over with. Ernest Miller comes out before the match and introduces the Filthy Animals, as in New Blood cronies (despite them leaving like a week before) to be bell ringer and time keeper and all that jazz. Oh and Miller is referee. Nash shoves him around a lot to start until the Animals distract Nash to let Jarrett taker over. Jeff is champion if I didn’t mention that.

 

Miller is on the floor. Nash hammers on Jarrett and literally everyone stops to look at the entrance and nothing happens. Now back to the match. Weird indeed. Snake Eyes puts Jarrett into the replacement announce table and we go into the crowd. Back to the ring after Nash beats on Jarrett a bit and it’s Jeff with chair shots to the knee. This is one of those matches where stuff goes on but nothing is really happening.

 

Jarrett works on the leg for a good while as we’re clearly filling in time before the whole surprise thing happens. No one buys that the surprise isn’t happen, so I don’t know why we have to waste 15 minutes before we get to it. Half crab to Nash who won’t give up because raising your arm three times in a row is too much effort I guess. There’s the figure four as we waste even more time.

 

The hold goes on for a very long time to the point where most people would have broken their leg already but since it’s Nash he gets to just roll around a bit while barely grimacing. Nash tries to get to his feet but Konnan hits him in the hands with the bell for a two count for Jeff. Nash, despite being in the figure four for two minutes after about five minutes of leg work and a shot to the head with a metal bell from a professional athlete, is able to take over and actually run to the corner to take out Rey.

 

Belt shot gets two as Disco makes the save. Juvy gets in a chair shot to take over as the fans chant for Goldberg. Miller comes in to referee with a two count as this is a total mess. The Animals get beaten down as Nash is fighting seven guys to a stalemate. Jarrett, the world champion, hits his finisher for only two. Well of course it was only two. I mean he’s just the world champion after all.

 

Guitar shot misses and Jarrett walks into a chokeslam for two as Miller has something in his eye. Tony actually shouts BOGUS a few times. Powerbomb to Miller and one to Jarrett but the third referee is taken out by Rick Steiner. Tank Abbott tries to come out but somehow Scott Steiner cuts him off. If Steiner wanted to help, WHERE WAS HE WHEN THERE WERE LIKE EIGHT GUYS ON NASH???

 

Everyone beats on Nash including a Bronco Buster from an unmasked Rey. And cue a big noise as Goldberg is here in his monster truck. Maybe that’s what the sound was earlier? His music kicks on and the place erupts. Goldberg is here….and he joins the New Blood with one of the worst spears you’ll ever see. Yes, the ultra star of the company, the ONE guy they still had that was a big face draw, is added to the super heel group as a Bischoff/Jarrett/Russo lackey. Jarrett gets the academic pin and the SHOCKED celebration ends this mess.

 

Rating: F. You mean, in a Bischoff/Russo booked company, there was a big time face that apparently had been in league with the big heel group the entire time and it was SHOCKING to end a PPV? WHERE DO THEY COME UP WITH THIS STUFF??? The match was awful as Nash wouldn’t sell, the insanity of it was stupid, and Jarrett looked like a guy off Tough Enough.

 

Trash pelts the ring to end this show.

 

Overall Rating: F-. I have no idea what they were going for here but it was one of the worst shows I’ve watched in a long time. The gimmicks were WAY too much and none of them worked at all. You had some bad wrestling, horrid gimmicks, a REALLY stupid heel turn to end the show, and Hogan as #1 contender. Let’s talk about that heel turn for a bit actually.

 

In essence what they were going with was Nash, Hogan and Steiner as the top faces against Bischoff, Russo, Jarrett and Goldberg. In other words, the old guys are the faces and the young guys (if Jarrett counts as a young guy) are the heels. There was one issue with this: Goldberg was so ridiculously popular at this point that he was cheered every time he was on camera, which shows one of two things.

 

One, Russo has no idea what a face is. Oh wait, according to him faces and heels mean nothing. Second, WCW is really freaking stupid. That much is a given so let’s go back to the first part. Assuming what he says is true (it isn’t) then why are there factions or matches at all? Oh that’s right again: Russo doesn’t like having wrestling on his shows. Tell me again, why is this guy praised so much?

 

Anyway, AWFUL show here and somehow it would only get worse with the absolute mess they had the next month with Hogan and Russo clashing.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Starrcade from Amazon for just $4 at:

 

Monday Night Raw
Date: June 5, 2000
Location: War Memorial Auditorium, Rochester, New York
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re just after Judgment Day, meaning HHH has won the world title back from the Rock in an Iron Man match due to interference from the returning Undertaker. Other than that we’ve got Benoit and Jericho feuding over the IC Title, which is par for the course for the two of them. The company is on fire at this point and hitting on all cylinders so this should be an awesome show. Let’s get to it.

We open with a clip of Undertaker earning a shot at HHH by winning a handicap match against X-Pac and Road Dogg. This was followed later in the night by Rock beating Edge and Christian to become #1 contender. The main event of the show was Kane pinning HHH to earn a world title shot. In other words, there are three #1 contenders.

In the arena tonight, Vince blames HHH and wants to know why Hardcore Champion Gerald Brisco isn’t carrying his bag.

Theme song.

Here are HHH and Stephanie to open things up. HHH tells the fans to shut up so he can talk about how hot the competition is for his world title. The fans chant for Rocky as HHH talks about how much it means to be world champion. It means that you have beaten the very best and right now, there are three people that are the #1 contender to the title. The fans chant some very rude things at Stephanie to make HHH even angrier. HHH cuts them off by talking about how competition turns him on.

On the other hand, big egos turn him off. Yeah he has a huge ego, but when you’re as good as HHH, it’s hard not to think so highly of yourself. However, his ego is nothing compared to the man with the huge grapefruits: Vince. The talk of his own fruits brings out Vince to take the mic from his son-in-law. Vince agrees that HHH is indeed good but his biggest accomplishment is marrying Stephanie. It was Vince that made HHH and it’s Vince that can break him.

HHH says that while Vince may be Dr. Frankenstein, the monster can take over any time. He beat up Vince at Armageddon back in December and he can do it again. HHH slaps Vince and there goes the suit jacket. The brawl is about to be on but here’s Shane to break it up. Shane blames the two of them for there being three #1 contenders. It was HHH that made the matches and it was Vince’s ego that makes him want to fight HHH. Shane thinks maybe he should run the company and gets punched down for that line of thinking. All three guys get slaps from Stephanie and here’s Rock to slowly rotate his head.

Rock talks about not seeing a family feud, a millionaire, or even the WWF Champion. Instead he sees three pieces of monkey crap being slapped around by a woman who only costs about $2. Aside from that though, Rock is one of the three #1 contenders and he wants that title shot tonight. If that doesn’t happening, then Rock will just come down there right now and beat HHH all over Rochester.

Rock heads to the ring but gets stopped by Kane’s fires. Kane says that he’s the #1 contender (mixed reaction) and he wants his title shot tonight. As Kane walks towards the ring, here’s his big brother to the Kid Rock theme. Taker doesn’t care about anyone else’s issues because he wants a title match tonight, even if it means fighting with all of the three #1 contenders at once. Vince thinks all three should get their shots tonight, but first of all there’s going to be a triple threat between the three #1 contenders. The winner gets their title shot later tonight. The segment was good but it didn’t need to be twenty five minutes long.

Rikishi/Too Cool vs. T&A/Val Venis

Too Cool are tag team champions here. That’s one of the great things about this time period: Too Cool got WAY over while feuding with the Radicals over the spring and the company saw potential in them. Instead of jobbing them out for months, they gave them the tag titles at the end of May as a reward, while also giving them extra credibility. Today you would see them jobbed out in stupid comedy matches or left off television entirely for getting over against the writers’ wishes. I mean, why would you want to have the wrestlers get over themselves, therefore doing the writers’ work for them?

Test and Scotty start things off with Mr. Hotty clotheslining Test down and bringing in Grandmaster for their double elbow. Albert (Tensai) comes in and tries to ram Grandmaster into the buckle but pulls his hat off instead. A middle rope dropkick puts Albert down and it’s off to Val vs. Rikishi, but the other big men triple team the Samoan down. Albert tries a sunset flip but Rikishi sits his 400lbs down on his chest. Everything breaks down and Scotty hits the Worm on Test, followed by the Hip Hop Drop (top rope legdrop) but there’s no referee. In the confusion, Val hits Grandmaster with a title belt for the pin.

Rating: D. This didn’t do anything for me although I forgot how stunning Trish was at this point. I’m also not clear on the reason behind having Too Cool win the titles last week and then lose in a six man here. The match wasn’t much but it would set up two different feuds in the future so it’s not all bad.

Post match Rikishi cleans house and gives Trish a Stinkface.

The McMahons and company reconcile in the back. Brisco slams a door on Crash Holly as he tries to sneak up on him with a chair to win the Hardcore Title.

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Road Dogg vs. Chris Benoit

Benoit is Intercontinental Champion. X-Pac trips up Benoit to give Roadie a quick advantage but Benoit fires back with right hands and the back elbow to take Road Dogg down. Benoit loads up the swan dive but a Tori distraction lets X-Pac make the save. Not that it matters as the Dudleys run out to distract Dogg, allowing Benoit to hit a German suplex for the pin. This wasn’t even two minutes long.

Post match the Dudleys load up a 3D to put Tori through a table but X-Pac makes the save.

Brisco talks with Patterson about how they’re still friends despite feuding over the Hardcore Title. Crash sneaks in again and hits Patterson by mistake.

Kane says there are no allies or brothers in the triple threat

Here’s Crash to challenge Brisco to a fight RIGHT NOW.

Hardcore Title: Gerald Brisco vs. Crash

Gerald comes out to Real American in a funny running gag. Crash pounds away on the floor to start before bringing in all the usual weapons. A trashcan lid puts Brisco down but here’s Patterson with his soiled underwear, which wind up around Brisco’s face. Brisco gets up a boot in the corner to put Crash down and both Stooges dive on top to retain Gerald’s title.

Undertaker says Kane is right about there being no friends or brothers in the match tonight.

Kane vs. Undertaker vs. The Rock

HHH comes out to do commentary as the winner of this gets a title match later tonight. Rock and Undertaker slug it out to start but Kane helps his brother to pound Rock down in the corner. Rock hits Kane low to take him down and hits a Rock Bottom out of nowhere on Undertaker. Kane pops right back up with a chokeslam for two on Rock but it’s time for the brothers to fight.

Undertaker knocks Kane to the floor but Rock is back up with right hands to the dead man. All three head outside now with Rock being double teamed until HHH jumps Undertaker. HHH sends Kane into the steps as well but Undertaker is back up and goes after Rock again before dropping HHH with a right hand. HHH blasts Kane with a chair which knocks him into a quick Rock Bottom on Kane sends Rock to the title match.

Rating: D+. It was short and energetic but not much more. I get the idea they were going for here but you need more than four minutes for these three guys fighting. HHH going after Undertaker and Kane is fine, but why not go after Rock as well? The match was fine all things considered but with less than four minutes it didn’t have time to develop at all.

Post match HHH immediately hits Rock in the head with a chair.

Godfather/Dean Malenko vs. Chyna/Eddie Guerrero

This is before Dean was a ladies man so it’s just an oddball team. Eddie interrupts the Godfather’s lines to tick off the fans. This is the followup to Eddie costing Godfather a match against Chyna on Heat. Godfather and Eddie start things off with Eddie being tossed into the corner but Chyna blocks the Ho Train.

Dean comes in and counters a rollup into a wheelbarrow suplex for two. A rana puts Malenko down and it’s off to Chyna whose DDT is easily countered by Dean. The handspring elbow connects with Malenko in the corner before it’s back to Eddie. Dean hiptosses him into the Godfather’s Ho’s, ticking off Chyna in the process. Back in and Eddie counters a tilt-a-whirl slam into a small package to pin Dean.

Rating: D+. Again this didn’t have any time to go anywhere but notice again that they’re putting a bunch of different acts out there to keep things from getting stale. Yeah we get some repetitive stuff in the back, but it’s a bunch of quick shots instead of long drawn out segments to dull the fans’ minds. In short: keep things moving rather than constantly putting the same stuff out there over and over again.

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Hardcore Holly vs. Faarooq

It’s a brawl to start of course with Faarooq pounding Holly down and getting two off a shoulder block. Holly is sent to the floor but referee Teddy Long holds Faarooq back. A clothesline gets two more for Faarooq back inside but he doesn’t seem too hurried to pin Holly. They head back outside with Holly being whipped into the barricade, followed by more standing around. Back in and Holly escapes the Dominator and hits a Falcon’s Arrow for the pin. Nothing again here.

Kurt Angle gives Edge and Christian a pep talk, saying that if they win their six man tonight, they’ll have defended Stephanie’s honor, which might earn the Canadians another tag title match.

Kurt Angle/Edge/Christian vs. Dudley Boys/Chris Jericho

Edge and Christian give the hometown of Kodak film a very special five second pose. Jericho starts with Edge as the fans are WAY into Jericho here. A dropkick puts both Edge and Angle down before it’s off to Kurt. The heels take turns pounding away on Jericho with Christian getting two off his reverse DDT.

The fans want tables but get a double headbutt from Edge and Christian for two instead. A catapult sends Jericho into the corner and it’s off to Angle to pound away. The fans still want tables and get a step closer to their goal with a hot tag to Bubba. Ray cleans house as everything breaks down. After Edge breaks up the 3D to Christian, Angle comes in with the Olympic Slam for the pin on Bubba.

Rating: C-. Basic six man tag match here with the crowd on fire throughout because of the tables. It’s amazing how something that simple can work the fans into such a frenzy, but unfortunately those chants would continue long after the Dudleys were gone. Jericho and Angle would have their usual awesome matches soon enough.

Post match Jericho puts Angle in the Walls and the Dudleys 3D Kurt through a table.

Hardy Boys vs. Bull Buchanan/Big Bossman

Bull starts with Matt and a big boot puts Matt down. Off to Boss Man as Lita is watching in the back, having not yet hooked up with the brothers yet. Back to Bull for a backbreaker but he misses a leg drop. Off to Jeff who speeds things up as everything breaks down. Jeff hits a quick Swanton on Bull for the win. This was nothing.

Boss Man and Buchanan fight post match with Boss Man laying Bull out.

HHH wants to head to the ring alone tonight.

Post break HHH says the Faction (that’s their actual name) is staying in the back tonight. Apparently Earl Hebner, who has had a lot of problems with HHH, is referee tonight. Cole also asks Stephanie why she never defends the Women’s Title. She says it’s because she has no contenders so here are Ivory and Jackie to say they’ll fight. Stephanie makes a #1 contenders battle royal for Smackdown.

WWF World Title: HHH vs. The Rock

HHH is already lying as Stephanie comes to the ring with him. Rock jumps HHH during his water spit and the fight is on fast. Rock pounds away and knocks HHH out to the floor before whipping him into whatever hard objects he can find. They load up the announce table but HHH fights out of the Rock Bottom. Instead Rock whips him over the announce table and hits the champion low.

A clothesline misses HHH and he comes back with a neckbreaker to put Rock down. Rock is sent shoulder first into the post before we head back inside for some stomping in the corner. Hebner gets in HHH’s face to give Rock a breather but HHH comes back with the jumping knee to the face for two. A knee drop to the head gets two more but HHH makes the mistake of going up top, allowing Rock to slam him down. Rock hits a neckbreaker and a Samoan drop for two but HHH comes back with a facebuster.

Cue the McMahon-Helmsley Faction to run interference as Rock makes his comeback. Rock knocks all of them off the apron before hitting the spinebuster and People’s Elbow, only to have X-Pac break up the count. The match keeps going though but the referee goes down. A DDT puts HHH down as the Faction comes in to destroy Rock. Cue Undertaker and Kane to clean house, including Undertaker chokeslamming Rock down. HHH crawls on top for the pin to retain the title and tick off the crowd.

Rating: C+. You can’t go wrong with Rock vs. HHH in the year 2000. The match was overbooked at the end but the rest of the match worked well enough given the constraints they were under. The fans were losing their minds for Rock here and those reactions would never quiet down. Good match here but they would have more masterpieces down the line.

Overall Rating: C. The show wasn’t all that great, but there was a notable energy going throughout the night which brought the show up a lot. That’s one of the things you never get today as everything is so tightly bound to the rigid television structure. This show felt like anything could happen at any time and it made things much more exciting. Good stuff here but there were far better shows around this time.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Starrcade from Amazon for just $4 at:

 

Slamboree 2000
Date: May 7, 2000
Location: Kemper Arena, Kansas City, Missouri
Attendance: 7,165
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Scott Hudson

 

Since I’m running out of PPVs to do and I don’t really have many shows in WCW to do marathons with, I’ll just go chronologically but in reverse of the ones I haven’t done. In other words, I’m doing this show and then Spring Stampede from the previous month and Super Brawl from February so that I have the year 2000 complete. As for this show, it’s 2000 WCW and David Arquette is world champion. Need I say more? Let’s get to it.

 

We open with a clip from Thunder with the New Blood facing off with the Millionaire’s Club in a 22 man battle royal. The winner gets the shot at the Great American Bash. This resulted in Randy Savage returning for his final WCW appearance and Flair winning.

 

The Millionaire’s Club arrives on their bus while the New Blood watches. Old vs. New in a Bischoff company? Surely you jest!

 

Opening video is about Flair vs. Douglas which is a big feud in the mind of Shane Douglas. Oh and other old vs. new matches are here also.

 

Cruiserweight Title: The Artist vs. Chris Candido

 

Candido is champion. Tammy does the show me thing because it’s the Show Me state. She does look decent but it’s not quite Sunny levels. Candido is New Blood as is Artist kind of. The New Blood has all titles other than the Hardcore Title which we’ll get to next review. Artist is Prince Iaukea and wrestles in a collared shirt and dress pants. They botch something to start and Candido is launched over the top to the floor.

 

Chris goes up for a big dive and lands on Artist. The fans aren’t all that interested but some of the spots look ok. There’s a ramp again and Artist goes head first into it. Piledriver out there doesn’t work and back in we go. Why did Iaukea keep getting pushed? I mean the guy was nothing special in the ring and his gimmicks never really worked nor were they anything interesting, so why did he constantly have a job?

 

Artist is sent to the floor again as this is a pretty sloppy match. By sloppy I mean it feels like they’re just going through moves with zero rhyme or reason. The moves aren’t anything interesting other than some dives which are ok at best. Back in and Candido hits a low blow to take over again.

 

Artist tries his jumping DDT off the top which misses and they do a horrible looking rollup for two. The fans aren’t pleased to say the least. Iaukea gets a Samoan Drop off the middle rope but Tammy and Paisley go at it to distract the referee. Sunny swings for Paisley with a chair and hits Artist by mistake. It gets three and the bell rings but the referee says two. Candido hits a swan dive and now it’s three. Well ok then.

 

Rating: D+. Meh is a good word here and that’s about all there is to say about it. Neither guy is anything interesting at all and the match wasn’t any good either. The botches were pretty bad and it was something resembling heel vs. heel. I have no idea what the point of the Artist was and I don’t think WCW or the fans did either.

 

Tammy gets stripped post match.

 

The announcers make fun of Arquette being champion.

 

Video of Terry Funk getting beaten up a lot.

 

Hardcore Title: Terry Funk vs. Norman Smiley/???

 

Funk is “the one that got away” and is the only champion who isn’t New Blood. It’s a handicap match and Funk goes to find Norman in a bathroom. Norman jumps him with a fire extinguisher which is his first brilliant idea ever. He’s in a Royals jersey and the mystery partner was in the bathroom in a catcher’s mask. Funk is getting destroyed here as Norman keeps throwing trashcans at him.

 

They break through Mean Gene’s interview area and Madden makes pitcher/catcher jokes. We still don’t know who the mystery partner is. Funk realizes he’s fighting a fat guy in a catcher’s mask and Norman Smiley so he goes on offense. Norman is doing everything here as the mystery partner is just standing there. The announcers are pointing out that he’s the worst mystery partner ever so it’s intentional.

 

Funk covers Smiley and the mystery guy is holding a trashcan. He has a bunch of clear shots and does nothing with them. They haven’t been in the arena at all yet. We even get a Bubba the Love Sponge reference from Madden. Norman is gone and Funk beats up the masked fat dude. He beats the mask out of the mystery man and it’s RALPHUS!!! There goes the shirt and Smiley has to make the save with a ladder.

 

They’re in the ring now and the fans don’t really know who Ralphus is. Oh wait I think they do now. The announcers are dying from this and to be fair it’s a comedy match so I think this is all ok. Funk is busted open by “the Hardcore Wiggler”. Norman busts out the Big Wiggle and the fans LOVE it. Now Ralphus wants to wiggle. Oh dear. Terry does the first smart thing of the match and kills Ralphus dead with a chair and rolls up Norman to retain.

 

Rating: C. It’s a comedy match and it didn’t try to be anything other than that. This is one of those matches that you know what you’re getting when you sign up for it and if you’re expecting something else you’ve totally missed the point. The fans were into the idea of this and reacted pretty well to Ralphus once they got what was going on and that’s all they needed to do. This was fine.

 

Norman and Ralphus dance post match and the fans love it. Since it’s WCW though, he was never pushed as anything for the fans because that might make them happy right?

 

Arquette gets here and says he has his own money and doesn’t need his wife’s money. Thanks for sharing?

 

Shawn Stasiak vs. Curt Hennig

 

Ok so the idea here is that Stasiak is known as the Perfect One and he’s openly stealing Hennig’s character. If Stasiak had been more talented, this could have been a decent idea. We talk about how both guys are second generation guys and that Stasiak’s dad held a version of the world title (WWF Title) but no mention is made of Hennig holding the AWA belt.

 

They trade armdrags and it’s some very basic and technical stuff to get us going. The Misfits in Action are at ringside for no apparent reason. They were fired or something but were running in anyway. Stasiak chokes him on the announce table and hits a top rope clothesline for two. The mat is echoing a lot. They go back to the ramp and Hennig can’t slam him.

 

Off to a sleeper by Stasiak and the fans think it’s boring. I can’t exactly say I disagree since this has been a pretty uninteresting match all around. They’re just going through the motions that you go through when you have a wrestling match and it’s nothing interesting at all. Hennig starts his comeback and hammers away with strikes and his back appears to be fine now. Back to the Misfits for no reason. Why do we keep cutting to them? Either way since it’s a Hennig match, he takes a slingshot into the post and the Hennigplex ends this for Stasiak. Stasiak used the Hennigplex to win if that’s unclear.

 

Rating: D. I don’t get this one. Hennig looked like a total joke and the match never started at all for the most part. It’s just boring and the crowd really didn’t care. They seemed to like Hennig and then he got crushed for the most part. This was just a step ahead of a squash, which isn’t what you expect when you have these two in the ring.

 

Scott Steiner seems mad at Russo.

 

US Title: Scott Steiner vs. Hugh Morrus

 

Morrus says his name is now Hugh G. Rection. Oh here we go. That’s his REAL name too. Oh dear. At least we get to see Shakira and Midajah with Steiner. Steiner is champion here and hammers away in the corner to start. Rection wants to be called Captain Rection. He sends Steiner to the floor and it’s time to stall. Madden gets in his jokes like Rection is working stiff in there.

 

The girls try to distract Rection and since faces are idiots, it allows Steiner to take over again. Spinwheel kick gets two for the challenger. Top rope elbow gets no cover because as explained earlier: Rection is an idiot. The girls cheat again and crotch Rection because he was stupid enough to go up top right in front of them. Steiner goes for the elbow/pushups but instead of doing the pushups he lunges at the referee. Well he is insane you know. If you didn’t you’ll be told at least 47 times in 5 minutes.

 

A suplex gets two so Steiner yells that the referee sucks. Off to a bearhug as Steiner squeezes the life out of him. Another suplex hits and Steiner stops to argue with a fan. A pretty bad butterfly suplex/powerbomb gets no cover so Rection reverses a tombstone for another non-cover. The girls interfere AGAIN and the moonsault misses. The Recliner ends this.

 

Rating: D. This match sums up both WCW and Russo in a nutshell: it’s not a horrible power brawl but the same stuff over and over again like people needing to cover when they shouldn’t and then the girls running in every 8 seconds keeps the matches from ever getting good. That being said, there’s only so much you can get out of these two, especially when Steiner was all nuts and such. Also, the guy’s name is Hugh G. Rection. That takes me out of the match every time I hear it and that’s not what should happen in a serious match.

 

Booker makes the save post match from a bigger beating.

 

Kanyon says he’s supporting Page and that blood is thicker than water. It’s a promo about how he sees Page as a brother and he’ll never turn on him. In about three months or so, say it with me, HE TURNS ON PAGE. Keep that in mind as we get to the ending of the show because it will make you roll your eyes very hard.

 

Mike Awesome vs. Kanyon

 

This is serious Awesome and not the 70s Guy yet. Awesome put Kanyon through a table to set this up. The fans are all distracted by something else to start so Awesome hits a HUGE dive to the floor, drawing an ECW chant. Kanyon sends him into the post as there’s more energy in this match than the rest of the show combined up to this point. Kanyon hits a running front flip dive off the apron to put Awesome down.

 

Back in and Awesome hits a top rope clothesline for two. Back to the floor and Mike fires off some chair shots to put Chris down. Yes I’m on first name basis with the two dead guys. They fight into the crowd and Awesome keeps the advantage. Back in and we debate the best powerbomb in wrestling with Nash being declared the best. Back to the floor again for about the fourth time and Kanyon gets hit with a chair again. They were using “relaxed rules” at this point which meant they were trying to rip off ECW and the WWF formula in every match instead of just the main events like WWF did.

 

Kanyon crotches Mike on the top and hits a reverse neckbreaker for two. Another neckbreaker gets two. The fans are getting into this quickly. Samoan Drop into a front face drop gets two. Kanyon tries a powerbomb but gets caught in an Alabama Slam for no cover. There’s the regular powerbomb and Kanyon lands on his head. FREAKING OW MAN.

 

Awesome, probably trying to let Kanyon figure out if he’s alive or not, goes outside and pulls the pads back. Kanyon is like screw it and fights back but gets caught by a slingshot shoulder block by Awesome. He loads up the over the top powerbomb but Kanyon escapes, only to allow the American to hit a German to the American (Kanyon) and outside we go again. Awesome sets for something and here’s Nash for the run-in. The rest of the New Blood and Millionaire’s Club come in also and it’s thrown out.

 

Rating: B-. I was liking it but the constant going outside and the stupid ending hurt it a lot. This felt like the main event of Nitro rather than a definitive PPV match. These two had some chemistry together and it was a good match as a result. Keep these two in mind as they’ll be back later on to totally ruin the show in the end.

 

We recap Luger vs. Bagwell for the 8000th time. The idea here is that Russo has “stolen” Liz or something and Luger wants her back. Bagwell is the guy doing the fighting for Russo.

 

Russo tells Liz there’s a surprise coming and that Liz needs to go change her rather sexy dress.

 

Lex Luger vs. Buff Bagwell

 

Oh wait it’s the Total Package. Yeah screw that. Based on the entrances you would think that the stoic Luger is heel and the energetic Buff was the face but it’s WCW so why would logic be in use here? Tony: “Are Kronik the world tag team champions?” Good to see that ace journalism we’ve come to know and love from WCW. Lots of stalling to start as both guys have to pose.

 

Buff takes over and plays to the crowd too much to be a heel. Luger is supposed to be all distracted which is why he’s not destroying Bagwell early on. Then Tony messes up that whole dynamic as he says this is an even match most of the time. Lex gets a suplex for two. Luger takes over and we head to the floor. That lasts only a few moments as Buff hits a double arm DDT for two.

 

And let’s hit that chinlock! Bagwell wastes some time with that and hits a splash of all things for two. This show isn’t particularly horrible but it’s just boring. These are the worst kind of shows because it’s not something that bad but there’s nothing to get excited about or interested in at all. Camel clutch goes on to kill some more time. Bagwell does the Arn Anderson spot where he jumps out of a hold onto Luger’s knees to crotch him.

 

We cut to Russo in the back who says this is the best part. Liz runs in with a bat and whacks Russo in the knees. Good thing there was a ball bat laying around. She comes out with the bat and swings it at Buff but gets caught, allowing Buff to get a shot in at Luger with said bat. Now Liz manages to hit Buff and the Rack ends this because a professional wrestler hitting you in the ribs with a baseball bat isn’t enough to prevent Luger from throwing said wrestler onto his shoulders right?

 

Rating: D. Another pretty weak match here but the point of it was that Lex gets his chick back which was accomplished. Well that and the new feud starting up which we’ll get to here in a second. That being said, it wasn’t a good match. There was way too much stalling and the face/heel dynamic was all over the place. That’s the running theme of this show: not terrible ideas being executed badly.

 

Luger and Liz celebrate and Chuck Palumbo debuts as the New Total Package, complete with the same outfit as the surprise. What a Perfect idea that we haven’t seen before. Palumbo gets a Perfect Torture Rack to leave him there. Liz is stolen again.

 

Shane Douglas rants about Flair because Flair has caused every single one of Shane’s problems in his career. If you don’t agree, just talk to Shane because he can’t go 5 minutes without explaining it to you.

 

Shane Douglas vs. Ric Flair

 

Flair is in street clothes and gets five minutes with Russo if he wins. He insists on having the ropes opened for him because he’s world champion. Not exactly but Flair was never known for sanity. Flair even references ECW and here we go. They chop it out and Flair takes over because that’s what he does. Flair gets slammed off the top and Shane hooks a Figure Four. Shane is no Jay Lethal though so Flair makes the ropes.

 

Ric takes three low blows but chops away again. Another figure four is reversed and Flair gets a Greco Roman Ball Shot to the Franchise and we head to the floor. Flair pounds away for a bit and back inside now. Shane hits a suplex and pulls out his signature chain. Shane hits rolling vertical suplexes which were kind of cool.

 

Flair fights back with his usual stuff and kicks Douglas in the balls a lot. This lack of disqualifications is really getting old as it totally takes you out of the wrestling aspect of the show. Flair goes after the knee and goes for the Figure Four but here’s “Russo” in a Sting mask to hit him with a bat, letting Shane get a rollup for the pin.

 

Rating: D+. I hate to keep giving these not horrible matches such low grades but a lot of them just aren’t that good. The DQ stuff is really getting old because the matches turn into brawls with all kinds of low blows and chair shots and it’s not interesting after about two of them. Flair is in street clothes for no apparent reason and the interference (again) is what ends this one also, just like earlier. Not thrilled with this one at all.

 

Post match, you guessed it: more ball shots. Bagwell is here too. “Russo”, still in the Sting mask, is told to get in the ring. Luger comes out and throws him in but Russo comes up from behind and blasts Luger (who is fine apparently) with something. And “Sting” is David Flair. This would start a LONG feud where David turned on his father for being a bad father and made Russo into his dad. The five minute clock starts while Russo hammers on Flair with the bat. Here’s Nash but Daffney distracts him letting Russo, David and Daffney stand tall after some bat shots. This took way too long.

 

We recap Sting vs. Vampiro. They’re both insane and into the creepy/occult stuff and there were bloodbaths involved.

 

Sting vs. Vampiro

 

They brawl on the ramp to start and Sting hits a quick suplex to take over. Into the ring and Sting hits a missile dropkick and a big dive back to the floor. WHERE HAS THIS STING BEEN FOR THE LAST FIVE YEARS??? They go to the announce table and Sting DDTs him on the floor. All Sting so far. Back in the ring and Vampiro comes back with what else, a low blow.

 

Top rope clothesline ala Kane puts Sting down and Vampy goes out to grab a lead pipe. See, this is what I’m talking about. The referee is totally cool with this due to the “relaxed rules.” What does this prove about wrestling? It’s a Russo trademark and it gets really annoying, especially after two hours of it already. They have a quick brawl on the ramp with Vampiro totally in control.

 

The fans chant for Sting so he gets hit by another pipe shot, making it about four or five times now. Vampiro goes for some punches in the corner but gets caught by something resembling a powerbomb out of the corner after, say it with me, A LOW BLOW. Sting fires off some pipe shots and then two Splashes/Death Drops and we’re done.

 

Rating: C. Sting’s athletics made this one as he looked great out there and more fired up than I remember him being in forever in this period. The idea of Vampiro trying to be the new Sting and pushing him as far as he can until Sting overwhelmed him was well done, which is why they feuded for months on end after this right?

 

DDP and Arquette (dressed as Elvis if he was a gay vampire) agree that DDP will do the fighting and Arquette goes up top to hide but he shouldn’t grab the belt.

 

Nash is going Russo hunting.

 

Kidman is with Torrie, Bischoff and Kimberly. He’s ready for Hogan tonight and Bischoff is referee.

 

Billy Kidman vs. Hulk Hogan

 

Eric is referee here and this is Terry Bollea, aka Hulk Hogan according to the announcers. At least Kimberly is hot as a heel. Hogan has Horace with him. This is about Hogan saying Kidman couldn’t headline a match at a flea market so Kidman is all annoyed. Kidman got three fluke wins but this is the blowoff. And never mind Horace as he’s thrown out. Hogan ducks coming in and Kidman takes over.

 

They mess something up and Kidman gets a small package for two. You know for as big as Hogan is, it’s kind of weird to see him against someone that isn’t either as big or almost as big as him. And hey there’s a chair which Kidman is dropped onto ribs first. Hogan is in street clothes (kind of). Here’s something you don’t see every day: Hogan taking a hurricanrana.

 

They go out to the floor and Hogan sends Kidman into the railing to keep up the offense. Kidman sends Torrie into Hogan to shift things back again. It’s weight belt time but Eric steals it and has it “stolen” by Kidman. The fans are behind Hogan here at least. Hogan is like screw this and hits a hip toss over the top. Kidman knows how to bump very well so the flying all over the place makes Hogan’s power look great.

 

Back in Eric won’t count. Belly to back gets no count. Kidman avoids some elbows and stomps away. The idea of Kidman not being able to really hurt Hulk is the right idea because Hogan can’t be hurt by monsters so why should he here? Hogan realizes he’s fighting Billy Kidman and goes for the finish but Bischoff gets in the way of the legdrop. There’s a chair for Bischoff and Hogan gets a pair of tables from under the ring. One of them is broken so Hogan sets it against the ropes.

 

Out of nowhere though Kidman gets in a chair shot and Hogan is busted. To be fair the fans are completely behind Hogan here so the comeback is the right way to go. Kidman misses a chair shot and down goes Bischoff. Hogan puts Eric through a table and here’s a third piece of weak wood. Mark: “WHO PUTS ALL THESE TABLES OUT HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE???” Kidman gets a low blow in and puts up another table but the splash through it misses and Hogan gets the easy pin with Horace popping up to move Eric’s hand for him.

 

Rating: C+. Hulk Hogan just had the second best match of the night in 2000. I’m as shocked as you are. It’s not bad here as while it’s a huge mess, that’s the point of a gimmick match and it worked pretty well here. Kidman never went anywhere after this but the match wasn’t all that horrible and it’s fun to see Hogan do something other than a power match.

 

Russo runs from Nash.

 

We recap Jarrett vs. Page vs. Arquette which started with Jarrett getting Kimberly to turn New Blood and let Jeff win the title. Page got the title back so Jarrett took Arquette hostage, resulting in the most ridiculous thing in the history of wrestling: David Arquette won the World Heavyweight Championship. He tried to put it up in the cage match and vacate it but Bischoff made it a three way for no apparent reason.

 

Jarrett says he’ll win.

 

WCW World Title: David Arquette vs. Jeff Jarrett vs. Diamond Dallas Page

 

It’s a triple cage match where the bottom is like the Cell and there’s a hardcore cage on top of that, which has a bunch of weapons on it. On top of that there’s a cage with a bunch of guitars around it with a cage a single person can fit into. The belt is hanging from the ceiling above that cage which has to be climbed to pull the belt down. It really is an impressive looking structure.

 

While the introductions are going on, a few things should be noted about Arquette: he didn’t want to do this but Russo insisted it was a brilliant idea. Second, every dollar he made from this he donanted to the families of Owen Hart, Brian Pillman and Darren Drozdov (recently paralyzed in a match). Before I forget you have to use a ladder to get to the second cage through I’m guessing a trapdoor.

 

The bell rings and Arquette runs. Well at least he’s thinking. Basically you’ll get Page vs. Jarrett for the majority of the match which means it’ll be decent enough. Page gets a clothesline in the ring and calls for Arquette to go up to the top where he misses a splash. Page tries to get a ladder but Jarrett hits a baseball slide to send Page into the cage again. And down goes David as Page sends Jarrett into Arquette into the cage.

 

Page posts Jeff and goes for the ladder and ultimately the second cage. Jarrett is busted open but manages to suplex Page off the ladder. The ladder is in the corner and not set up so both guys are sent into it as is the ladder match custom. Jeff brings in a second ladder and they both start climbing. Page knocks him off and is in the second cage first. Jeff follows quickly and instead of just going through the door he grabs a weapon and gets caught.

 

The floor of the cage they’re in is made of the top of the other cage and has wide spaces, making it easy to slip in. Page is busted also and Jarrett tries to climb the wall, only to get caught. They ram each other into the cage wall and it falls down. Keep in mind they’re on top of something the size of Hell in a Cell. This isn’t exactly on the mat and almost falling to the floor.

 

Hey, I have a great idea! LET’S SET UP A TABLE ON TOP OF A CAGE WITH BIG HOLES IN THE FLOOR! Page gets something like a powerslam through it and both guys are down. The floor is pretty weak but it’s not as bad as a scaffold match. Arquette hasn’t been seen in about five minutes. There he is and here he comes. Arquette goes to the top of the hardcore cage and is totally alone, meaning he could easily retain the title. Since he doesn’t, you might as well hold up a big sign saying SHOCK HEEL TURN.

 

Page sets for a Diamond Cutter on Jarrett on top of the Cell (they’re outside the hardcore cage so it’s almost like the moat of a castle if that makes sense) but Mike Awesome pops in to break it up. There’s a Diamond Cutter for him and Arquette is on top of the third cage. Page and Jarrett go up and head into the guitar room. Jarrett misses a shot as does Page. He hands one to Arquette to play defense with and as both wrestlers climb, say it with me, ARQUETTE TURNS ON PAGE. Jarrett wins the title.

 

Rating: B. Above all else, this match shows the fundamental flaw in Vince Russo’s style: this was a good match and there was zero reason for Arquette to be involved at all. As explained during the match, Jarrett was mad at Page because Page was in Ready to Rumble and he wasn’t. They met in a tournament final at the previous PPV for the title with Jarrett winning and then Page got the belt, making this the blowoff match.

 

DDP vs. Jarrett in a big gimmick cage match (from the movie so it makes even more sense) is more than ok for a PPV main event. They have chemistry together too so the match was going to be pretty good at least. But for Russo that’s not enough so he adds in David Arquette, making it look like any guy off the street (which for Arquette is true from a physical standpoint) can win the title. The title looks bad and instead of WCW having a match that looks like it’s even more crazy and awesome than Hell in a Cell, this match is remembered for David Arquette coming in as world champion. Just let the wrestlers wrestle.

 

Post match Awesome sets for a powerbomb off the cage but Kanyon makes the save. Then Awesome throws Kanyon off the cage and through the ramp, making the announcers all stoic like he’s dead. The shot of Kanyon laying motionless ends the show.

 

Did I mention this is the arena where Owen Hart fell to his death less than a year before this show?

 

Overall Rating: D. This is one of those really hard ones to grade. They’ve done such worse shows that you really can’t call this their worst. Even though most of the matches were pretty weak they were trying and there’s certainly a coherent story to the show. It’s not a good shot to put it mildly but it goes by quick and nothing is atrocious. Most of the bad matches would have been better if the “relaxed rules” hadn’t been in place. This isn’t horrible but other than the main event there isn’t much to see here at all.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the history of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

 

Backlash 2000
Date: April 30, 2000
Location: MCI Center, Washington, DC
Attendance: 17,867
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the final series. This feels like the last week at school when you realize that it’s over after this. This show is probably what Wrestlemania should have been. The company was on fire at this point and this might be the best show of the year for the best year of the company. The main event is Rock vs. HHH for the title with Shane as guest referee. There are also rumors of a Rattlesnake sighting. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video of Rock vs. HHH who has most of the McMahons in his corner. The idea here is McMahons/HHH vs. Rock/Austin. Austin blew up a bus or something recently.

Here’s a VERY drunk Debra to announce the first match. This is her return to the company after awhile.

Tag Titles: Edge/Christian vs. D-Generation X

This would be Road Dogg/X-Pac and the Canadians are the champions. I do miss DX’s Kings of Rock theme. I also miss Tori. Debra is GONE. Edge vs. X-Pac gets us going. Pac speeds things up and armdrags Edge down. Edge takes him down as well and hits a spinwheel kick to clear the ring. Back in Pac spits at him and tags out to Roadie. The champs hit Poetry in Motion and it’s off to Christian vs. Dogg.

The Canadian gets guillotined on the top and Pac kicks Christian’s head off. He’s sent to the floor due to a Tori distraction, resulting in him being sent into the steps. Back in Road Dogg stops a tag and the Bronco Buster keeps Christian in trouble. Some hard kicks to the back get two for Roadie. Christian comes back but gets caught in the dancing punches to a big reaction. Shaky knee gets two.

I think they’re both supposed to try a cross body but Christian looked like he just jumped into the one from Road Dogg. Pac breaks up the tag but while he’s being put out, Edge drops a swan dive on Road Dogg which gets two for Christian. Christian escapes a double something into a double reverse DDT. Everyone but Edge is down and there’s the hot tag. Pac’s rana is countered into a sitout powerbomb for two. Unprettier is broken up but Edge spears down Road Dogg. Tori gets up and Pac accidentally drills her, getting a rollup for two by Edge. X-Factor takes Edge down but Christian hits him with the bell so Edge can pin him.

Rating: C+. This was a good choice for an opener as both teams were moving well out there. That’s what you do for an opener: get the crowd fired up and make them cheer, even though the Canadians were on the verge of turning heel anyway. Good solid opener here and it was fast paced enough to fire up the fans.

Debra can barely say WWF Tag Team Champions. Pac was busted open.

Rock is here.

Light Heavyweight Title: Scotty 2 Hotty vs. Dean Malenko

Dean is champion and this is Scotty’s rematch I believe. Scotty dances with Lillian pre-match. Scotty starts off fast with some near falls. Belly to back puts Dean down and Scotty nips up into the Moonwalk. He sets for the bulldog to set up the Worm but Dean clotheslines him down instead. Dean, the heel, tries to get the buckle pad off but can’t quite get it. He rams Scotty into the buckle anyway and we head outside.

A dropkick to the knee gets two and Dean works the leg over a bit. After a quick leg lock he wraps it around the post a few times. Back to the leg lock and then a leg lace. Dean hits a knee crusher but Scotty comes back with an enziguri. That gets him nowhere so it’s back to the knee by Dean. He tries a spinning toehold but Scotty kicks him into the corner and rolls him up for two.

Malenko kicks at the knee again but then charges at Scotty, sending both of them out to the floor. Back in Dean hits a superplex to put both guys down. Dean is up first but walks into a backslide for two. Scotty bulldogs him down and it’s Worm time! That gets two so Malenko rolls him up with feet on the ropes for two. Things are speeding way up. Tiger Bomb gets two for Dean and he’s frustrated.

Scotty comes back at him again but walks into a powerslam for two. He tries to put Dean on the apron but gets guillotined down on the top rope. Malenko goes up top but Scotty pops him with a right hand. Scotty goes up for a superplex but Dean counters in mid air into a DDT. FREAKING OW MAN and Dean retains. SICK counter.

Rating: B. Malenko is awesome but unfortunately he never quite did anything of note in the WWF. The Light Heavyweight Title was almost exclusively defended on the late night weekend shows which meant that most people didn’t know the title was around or who held it. Dean would hold it until a few weeks before the next Wrestlemania. This was a really good match though and that ending is GREAT.

The McMahon-Helmsley Era (I think that’s their name at this point at least) is in the back and Patterson and Brisco swear their loyalty. Vince says it’s all hands on deck tonight.

Big Boss Man/Bull Buchanan vs. Acolytes

Brawl to start and it’s Bradshaw vs. Buchanan to get us going. A DDT puts Buchanan down and Bradshaw goes up top for a shoulder which gets two. A spear puts Bull down as does a fallaway slam. Off to Boss Man vs. Farrooq with a Boss Man Sucks chant at the same time. Farrooq suplexes him down for two and Boss Man goes to the floor. Bradshaw puts him into the steps to keep the Acolytes in control. This is a VERY fast paced match.

Bradshaw sends him to the floor again where Farrooq gets in a few shots. It’s basically been a squash up to this point. Simmons comes in legally and finally gets taken down by Boss Man. Off to Buchanan who drops an elbow and pounds Farrooq into the corner. Farrooq plays Ricky Morton which some pretty original casting.

Off to a chinlock which doesn’t last long as it’s off to Bradshaw. Everything breaks down and Bradshaw goes up. Boss Man slows him up so that Buchanan can suplex him down for two. Buchanan misses a charge and the Clothesline gets two. A nightstick shot stops Bradshaw dead and an ax kick from the top (cool!) gets the pin.

Rating: B-. What in the world was this??? Who would have ever thought these four would have had a match that was almost faster paced than DX and Edge/Christian? The ending was great too with Buchanan’s ax kick looking great, although it wound up being more like a Fameasser. Still though, good match and a HUGE surprise.

The Hardys are in the back and say they’ll fight if they have to over the Hardcore Title.

Hardcore Holly is looking forward to beating up Crash for the Hardcore Title. Crash offers a handshake and gets slapped in the head.

We go to the announce desk for a quick talk. That’s normal but for some reason a name graphic comes up that says Tim Russert. I rewound it to see if that’s what it said and it certainly did. How odd.

Hardcore Title: Crash Holly vs. Hardcore Holly vs. Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Perry Saturn vs. Tazz

Matt was defending against Jeff when Crash came in and stole the title. You can only win here by pinning Crash or Crash can win by pinning anyone. That’s a unique twist on multi-man rules. Crash runs into a cameraman during Saturn’s entrance. Saturn immediately suplexes Crash for two. Hardcore powerbombs him for the same. The idea here is pretty clear: everyone is going after Crash one at a time and then they’ll fight each other. Northern lights suplex gets two for Tazz. Remember there’s no point in anyone covering anyone but Crash.

Crash runs up the ramp and climbs the structure (it’s the cool one with the swinging hooks). He’s followed by Matt and winds up getting hung upside down by his knee. Everyone gets him down so Matt dives on all of them. The fans are impressed. Saturn does something to Matt that we miss and a piece of the structure breaks off. Jeff dives off part of it as well to take down Saturn. Matt and Crash head to the ring and Jeff joins them for some double teaming.

This is one of those matches where you can’t really keep up with what’s going on. Saturn hooks a freaky arm bending hold on Crash but Matt breaks it up. Even the announcers can barely keep up with what’s going on here. Tazz gets a clothesline and Matt covers for two. The Hardys beat up Tazz and Hardcore on the floor. Hardcore suplexes Crash out there for no cover. There are some signs being used as weapons now.

Back in the ring and Crash dropkicks Tazz down for two. There’s an extension cord in the ring now and all six guys are in as well. Tazz pops the Hardys with a sign and gets two on Crash. C rash barely has any offense at all for the most part here. Saturn suplexes Hardcore and gets two on Crash. The Hardys both have cookie sheets and they clean a few rooms. Jeff hits a Sabu style moonsault on Crash so Saturn can get two. Hardcore superplexes Crash for two. A Falcon Arrow onto a chair gets the same.

Jeff brings in a ladder (JR: “The ladder gets a pop!”) and beats up everyone in sight not named Matt with it. This has already gone on way too long. Hardcore gets thrown into the ladder while Saturn is outside on the announce table. Jeff Swantons Crash from the top of the ladder and Matt steals a two count, leading to a brotherly fight. Tazmission to Crash but Saturn clocks Tazz with a stop sign. Jeff dives on Saturn and Crash steals the pin on Tazz to retain. The Hardys music plays for some reason.

Rating: D+. You can’t say Crash didn’t earn it after a beating like that. The match went on too long though, clocking in at over 12 minutes. The problem was they ran out of stuff to do about 8 minutes in, so from about that far in until they bring in the ladder, this was a lot of laying around and doing nothing of note. It would have been better with less time.

Shane says he doesn’t have a conflict of interest tonight.

We recap Angle vs. Show. Show has “gone Hollywood” resulting in some funny imitations. HHH gave Angle and Show a tag title shot but Angle didn’t like Show being a fat Scottish guy so Angle jumped him. This went badly, setting up the following match.

Kurt Angle vs. Big Show

Angle runs down Marian Berry, who is mayor of Washington DC. He’s also a former crackhead. The lack of integrity is what’s wrong with America. That means we need a Real American…..and that’s what we get. Here’s Big Show doing the absolute best Hulk Hogan imitation you’ll EVER see. He’s got a Showster t-shirt with the rips in the back, yellow boots, a bald skull cap with blonde hair down the sides, he does the hand to the ear, rips the shirt and throws it, and does the swinging arms warmup that Hulk did. And then, he talks.

Doing an even better Hogan imitation, he talks about being to the top of the mountain and says dude and brother more times than should be humanly allowed. Angle jumps him but Show HULKS UP almost immediately. Right hand doesn’t work (JR: “The old no sell!”) so Show punches him three times and hits the big boot. LEG DROP gets two and a bigger reaction than anything else so far, which is saying a lot as the fans were going nuts the entire time so far.

Angle goes for the leg and the fans chant for Hogan. Show (who has his goatee dyed too) rips off the cap and hair and destroys Angle in the corner. Chokeslam ends this quick. It’s too short to rate but as a match it was worthless. From an entertainment perspective, this is one of the best and funniest moments you’ll ever see. Check this out as it’s well worth it if you’re a Hogan fan.

We recap T&A vs. the Dudleys. The Dudleys are the hot new team and Bubba likes to put women through tables. The only one he hasn’t been able to do it to is Trish, so Trish has been making these sexy videos about tables. She keeps kissing him to keep from being put through the tables and then T&A would put him through it instead.

Trish, still the evil chick who wears skin tight tiny outfits and has more sexual innuendo than Lawler could ever dream of, says Bubba will see how she feels in a minute.

Bubba is in another of his trances.

T&A vs. Dudley Boys

Brawl to start of course and Bubba chases Trish around on the floor. Albert and D-Von get us going with the future Japanese bore taking control. D-Von takes him down for two and I have no idea who the faces are and who the heels are here. Off to Bubba who takes his head off with a clothesline. That and an elbow drop both get two. Off to D-Von and the Dudleys hit a double suplex and the yet to be named What’s Up.

Albert comes back with a bicycle kick and it’s off to Test. Double splashes in the corner get two on D-Von. I could listen to Bubba Dudley yell from an apron all day. I’d get pretty bored but I certainly could do it. The big evil (I think?) ones double team D-Von. Albert slams Test onto D-Von and shouts to TESTIFY TO THAT. Bubba: “SHUT UP!” The fans of course want tables but D-Von gets a neckbreaker on Test instead.

The referee misses the tag to Bubba and the beating continues. Albert hits his slingshot into the bottom rope for two. A sunset flip out of nowhere gets two for D-Von, but he’s quickly powerbombed for the same. The fans want tables and Trish isn’t sure what to think. Albert goes up but Bubba distracts him, allowing D-Von to hit a superplex and make the hot tag.

Reverse 3D (called the 3D by JR of course) gets two. Baldo Bomb kills Bubba but D-Von pulls him away from the big elbow. The Dudleys load up the REAL 3D (as in Bubba gets a running start) but Trish offers a distraction by taking her jacket off and shaking her hips. Keep in mind that this is before Trish let herself go in 2001/2002, and yes I said that right That lets Test kick Bubba’s head off for the pin.

Rating: D+. Anything with Trish in hot pink shorts and shaking her hips is never a bad thing. The match however was pretty bad, but the whole point was the post match stuff. Also the Dudleys were more or less turned face in this match due to the fans loving hot women being put through tables for some reason.

Post match Bubba hits the Cutter (called a neckbreaker by JR who is way off tonight) on Test and grabs Trish. She French kisses him but gets powerbombed through the table anyway. The orgasmic look on Bubba’s face is always great. Trish is taken out on a stretcher.

Chyna and Eddie arrive. Eddie is told he has a match next. They’re just arriving from the prom as Eddie has earned his GED if I remember correctly.

As Eddie is changing in the aisle, we get a quick recap of him hooking up with Chyna. Essa was Eddie’s partner one night and Lita accidentally moonsaulted Eddie. Chyna threatened her and Lita hit Eddie again. This is before Lita meant anything.

European Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Essa Rios

Rios has Lita with him. Eddie immediately dropkicks him down but Rios speeds things up to take over. A Saito suplex stops that completely and Eddie works on the arm. Rios tries to run the corner out of a wristlock but slips off the ropes and has to drop it. Instead an armdrag sends Eddie to the floor but Rios’ dive misses. Slingshot hilo hits Essa and Eddie is in full control. Apparently Trish has been taken to the hospital.

Rios is sent to the floor where Chyna drills him with a forearm. Rios comes back with a missile dropkick for two. The fans don’t really seem to care here. Things speed up and Eddie gets launched into the ropes by Rios’ feet. Eddie sends him to the floor with ease and Chyna fires off another big forearm. Eddie dives on him and you can hear the Spanish announce team talking.

Guerrero loads up a powerbomb on the floor so Lita goes up top for the save. Chyna shoves her off and Lita crashes into the table. Rios runs in and hits a HUGE moonsault off the top to send Eddie into the table. Back in the ring a missile dropkick puts Eddie down and to the floor where Essa hits a HUGE over the corner dive. Back in Eddie hits a superplex and a brainbuster, but Rios armdrags him off the top. The big moonsault (gorgeous one too) hits Eddie’s knees and a Gory Bomb into an airplane spin into a neckbreaker gets the pin to retain.

Rating: B. This started slow but once they started busting out the lucha stuff, this got very good very fast. Rios is a guy that never quite clicked in the WWF but his chick certainly did. Lita would hook up with the Hardys the next month and become as famous as she ever did in her career. Very fun match here.

Post match Lita rips off Chyna’s dress, revealing some very nice and very small blue underwear. This was when Chyna was still hot.

HHH is still in street clothes and says he has nothing to worry about. Vince is smug about Austin not being here yet.

Benoit says Jericho may say he’s great but Benoit is the champion.

We get the second schoolgirl video of the night. It says Judgment Day is coming. That’s Undertaker.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Jericho vs. Chris Benoit

Does this need a backstory at all? Benoit is champion and I think that’s all you need to know. Jericho is a face here…..I think? The fans chant for him so we’ll say he is. They jockey for position on the ropes and tumble out to the floor. Back into the ring and they hit a series of rollups I can’t keep up with. They trade skin ripping chops before Jericho gets on top of him with right hands. Benoit gets up and tries some Germans but Jericho grabs the top rope.

Instead Benoit throws him over the top and out to the floor. Suicide dive misses and Benoit crashes ONTO HIS HEAD on the floor. That’s a much scarier move knowing what we know now. Benoit gets back up and sends Jericho into the steps but he jumps over them to avoid contact. Benoit is cool with that and dropkicks them into Jericho’s knees to take over. Back inside Benoit gets two off a gutbuster.

The champ drapes Jericho over the top rope and hooks an abdominal stretch. Jericho comes out of it and hits the Lionsault but he can’t cover because of the ribs and a possible arm injury. Eventually it gets two and they get back up. Benoit gets his boot up in the corner but Jericho kicks his head off with a spinwheel kick. Jericho cradles him for two and then drapes him over the top just like Benoit did earlier. The challenger tries his springboard dropkick but Benoit avoids the contact.

Benoit goes up but gets crotched with his back to the ring. Jericho tries a belly to back superplex but Benoit spins around in the air and lands on Jericho for a delayed two. Awesome match so far. Jericho hits his double powerbomb for two but Benoit counters the cover into the Crossface. That gets broken up by a rope so Jericho tries the Walls but he can’t quite hook it before Benoit makes the rope.

They head into the ropes and Jericho accidentally forearms the referee. Benoit grabs the belt to blast Jericho in the face and tick off all the fans. That only gets two and the kickout gets an eruption. Benoit snap suplexes him onto the belt and goes up top for the Swan Dive. Jericho moves and Benoit hits the belt which was under Jericho……AND THAT’S A DQ??? Oh freaking blow me! JR flat out says that decision sucks.

Rating: A-. Seriously, WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA? This was getting AWESOME and was probably on the way to being the best non-ladder match I can ever remember with these two, but then we didn’t get to see the ending. At least the replay shows that Jericho picked up the belt because it looked like he just moves and Benoit hit it. That being said, Benoit vs. Jericho with 15 minutes is more than worth watching.

Jericho puts the referee in the Walls post match. Good.

We recap HHH vs. Rock. Vince turned on Rock to help HHH retain at Wrestlemania and said that Rock would never be champion again. Rock beat Boss Man and Buchanan in a cage to get a rematch but was beaten down after the match ended. Vince stacked the deck so Linda said Austin would be in Rock’s corner. He hadn’t been seen since November so this was a big deal. Austin blew up DX’s bus to end Smackdown.

Rock says if Austin isn’t here, he’ll win the title anyway.

WWF Title: The Rock vs. Triple H

HHH is champion, Vince is in his corner, Shane is guest referee, Stephanie is HOT in a little dark blue dress. Vince points out the card subject to change line in the program, which means that Austin isn’t here. Slugout to start and Rock knocks him down after a delay into the spit punch. Rock stomps him down in the corner but Shane drags him off. Brahma Bull charges at HHH but gets sent to the floor.

HHH sends him into the steps and then the announce table. Vince posts Rock and throws him back in as the odds are stacked very high already. That only gets two, as do the suplex and knee drop. HHH hooks on a long chinlock and puts his feet on the top rope. Shane has been leaving his eyes elsewhere of course. Rock finally gets up and drops HHH onto the buckle to escape. He fires off right hands and they clothesline each other.

Rock knocks him into the corner but Vince pops up with a belt shot to put him down for a very close two. Rock gets up and throws HHH to the floor where he may have hurt his arm. Back in the ring Rock hits a spinning DDT but Shane won’t count. Rock goes after Shane and they head to the floor where HHH gets in a shot to take over. Pedigree through the table is countered by a low blow but Shane doesn’t DQ him for some reason. Instead he gets up on the table too and it’s a DOUBLE ROCK BOTTOM through the table.

Both guys are half dead but Rock gets up first. There’s no referee, but it doesn’t really matter as Shane wouldn’t count a pin anyway. Vince gets in the ring with the guys and hits Rock in the back. That goes badly as you would expect because HHH gets back up and hits a Pedigree. Here are Patterson and Brisco to count but Rock kicks out. The Stooges pound on Rock and HHH gets in some shots too. His arm is clearly hurt.

Vince hits Rock in the head with a chair so hard that he falls down too. CUE GLASS SHATTER! Austin, to a MASSIVE pop, comes out with a chair and murders everyone in sight. Everyone is down so Austin leaves as Linda and the recently fired Earl Hebner come out. Stephanie gets shoved down and it’s a spinebuster and the People’s Elbow to give Rock the title back.

Rating: B+. Why this didn’t happen at Wrestlemania I’m not sure. Either way, it happened here and it was GREAT. This was the Attitude Era formula of throw EVERYTHING out there but give the fans what they want in the end. That makes the wild brawling ok and it gives Rock the title back, which is how it should be. Austin’s pop was incredible and thankfully for Rock’s time on top, Austin wouldn’t be back to action for about six more months.

Rock celebrates but here’s Austin in his truck. He’s hauling the remnants of the DX Express behind him. Austin and Rock drink beer to end the show.

Overall Rating: A. This was an EXCELLENT show with everything hitting on all cylinders. The worst match was certainly fine and the main event was great. You couple that with a hilarious moment in the Showster and a great main event that needed to happen and this could be nothing but great. Rock and HHH would trade the title some more over the summer and it was always awesome. Great show and well worth seeing.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

Fall Brawl 2000
Date: September 17, 2000
Location: HSBC Arena, Buffalo, New York
Attendance: 8,638
Commentators: Scott Hudson, Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden

Well we have I think five or six PPVs to go in this company so this isn’t something where I would expect much. The main event is Booker vs. Nash in a cage as they’ve given up on the idea of War Games I guess. Other than that there’s a huge elimination match and Steiner vs. Goldberg, which hopefully has less shooting in it this time. Maybe we can shoot Russo. Let’s get to it.

Cruiserweight Title: Kwee Wee vs. Elix Skipper

Skipper was given the title by Storm and is a Deion Sanders ripoff that I always loved. Kwee Wee makes Rico look straight. Kwee Wee has Paisley with him, more commonly known as Sharmell, Booker’s wife. Kwee Wee had a weird double personality thing where he would go insane at times which is how he starts the match here. We go a nice wrestling sequence to start. Skipper is fun to watch and I’ve always liked him.

They botch a leapfrog and Skipper might be hurt. Hudson makes a reference to some guy named Johnny Walker from the 60s. Only Walker I know of is a whiskey but whatever. We have a WAY too long chinlock by Skipper as this is such a shell of what the Cruiserweight Title used to be. Prime Time (Skipper) does what Trish would steal and call the Matrish.

This is more like a match between two small guys than two cruiserweights. Crowd is kind of dead here but is behind the face so that’s a good sign I guess. The Natural Born Thrillers come out and I begin to smile. The Thrillers were a group of young guys that were something NEW and got pushed. Sure they were generic as all goodness but they were a freaking breath of air. There were like seven of them, led by Mike Sanders. They included Chuck Palumbo, Mark Jindrak, Shawn Stasiak, Sean O’Haire, Reno and Johnny the Bull. These guys were pretty generic, but DANG it was nice to see some fresh faces.

They don’t actually do anything as Kwee Wee comes back and beats the tar out of Skipper to no reaction at all. Skipper hits the floor and Mike Sanders comes in with a kendo stick (a stickball bat or some kind of device according to Tony) and bashes him in the knee for two. The Thrillers are gone but now it means nothing as we’re pretty even anyway. Overdrive (MVP’s Play of the Day) ends it.

Rating: D+. This was just not clicking at all. The match was dull but hey, it had a run in so it has to be interesting right? This just was nothing special at all as they just did a mat based match and then a screwjob ending. I’m not entirely sure what the point was here as the styles clash killed it. Not a good way to start but not a horrible match.

3 Count vs. Misfits in Action

The Misfits here are Sgt. AWOL (The Wall who most of you likely don’t remember) Lieutenant Loco (Chavo) and Corporal Cajun (Lash Leroux). The band has a new song here that likely could have been a decent hit if sung by a “legit” band, which is either great or scary. The idea of the Misfits was that they were guys that were thrown out of storylines by Russo so they banded together as their only way to have a chance. That works well enough.

And yes, 3 Count gets a match against someone not named the Jung Dragons. Two of the boy band members are Shannon Moore and Shane (Gregory) Helms. The third sucks. We hear about Duggan giving the flag and board to General Rection (Hugh Morrus) and will be in his corner tonight. Yeah I’m sure this isn’t going to go badly at all for Rection.

This is a pretty basic match but it’s not bad. They’re just kind of filling in time as these matches aren’t going to mean anything past tonight anyway. The idea here is that the band is scared to death of AWOL so they’re going to try to keep him out. Simple story but it works. Leroux was a lot better than he was given credit for. I might even stretch to say he was pretty good.

He hits a springboard X Factor to get the hot tag to AWOL who cleans house. Moore hits a nice flip to put Cajun down and we let the high spots loose. AWOL gets knocked through a table (his signature thing) but not before holding Moore up off the ground purely by his hair. Everything goes insane and Leroux hits Helms with what we would more or less call Cradle Shock for the pin. They get a standing ovation for it and that’s what they deserved.

Rating: B. I REALLY liked this. There was no interference, there was nothing completely insane, the effort was there and the wrestling was there. What a shock that when you put all this together, you get a good match. Worst thing is I can more or less guarantee this is the high point of the show.

The old guys won’t give a kid an autograph. That’s WCW for you. Madden gets a line in about Nash carrying people. I laugh sadly…..point to this?

Harris Brothers vs. Kronik

And there goes the quality of the show. This is first a chain match, as in they’re attached by a strap. The twins (Harris Brothers/Disciples of Apocolypse/Creative Control/Blu Brothers etc) cost Kronik the belts last month. Adams makes it a first blood match, because gimmicks added on for no apparent reason other than to keep an old guy from having to get pinned and therefore lose credibility TOTALLY RULE!

Dave Penzer, the announcer, gets knocked out like a minute in. We go out into the crowd and this is already a mess. As I’m typing this I can see the review of the previous match and it makes me sad. That and even the previous match were good. This is just annoying and is going to mean nothing at all in the end. Hudson talks about how brutal this is and how it’s going to be violent. We’re less than three minutes in and he’s right: it’s brutal.

One of the Harris guys works on Clark’s knee in a first blood match for reasons of general idiocy. We get choking, which even Tony calls out as stupid. And we have a ref bump in a gimmick match. One of the Harrises is bleeding but there’s no referee of course. The chain is undone and Hudson suggests he’s on his period instead of being busted open. END THIS. Yeah the blood is wiped off and Adams is bleeding when the referee gets back up so Kronik loses. Kronik beats up the referee to be faces.

Rating: F+. Well seven minutes have passed and nothing of note has changed. These two feuded forever and no one cared at all. We went from good stuff to this, which like I said shouldn’t surprise anyone. Get to the next thing.

General Rection tries to do a big patriotic promo which would work a lot better if he wasn’t destined to have Jim Duggan turn on him since he’s the special enforcer.

US Title: General Rection vs. Lance Storm

Storm cuts a great heel promo about how great Canada is. He was AWESOME at this point and more or less could do no wrong on the mic. He would just get out there and be this pompous jerk but was so proud of being Canadian and no one could beat him, making him awesome. And here’s Duggan to be all patriotic. Great to see that white shirt under his referee shirt. I’m sure that will mean nothing at all.

Rection dominates to start and Storm is in trouble. Also Major Gunns has been kidnapped by Team Canada so she’s freed if Rection wins here. They say that the General could be a superstar. That’s just amusing. He’s more commonly known as Bill DeMott if the comedy name isn’t familiar to you. Storm hits a superkick that was on target but didn’t look painful at all.

Rection hits a sitout gutwrench powerbomb (spellcheck hates that sentence) for no cover. Storm gets up and goes after the knee. Duggan throws Storm back into the ring and gets up on the apron while the General goes for the moonsault. And say it with me: Duggan is Canadian. Storm gets the win while Rection is out cold in the Mapleleaf. MIA runs out and Duggan beats them down.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t horrible, but the turn might as well have had a big sign over it saying HEEL TURN COMING. Rection would wind up winning the title at the next two PPVs while no one cared about it nor were they watching. This didn’t go anywhere though and it’s only because of Storm’s pure awesomeness at this point that it gets this much. That and Gunns in those shorts. I mean DANG.

Gene (wearing glasses now) talks to the Natural Born Thrillers. Sanders imitates Konnan so Gene calls them various bad names and tells them to blow it. Sanders was very good on the mic.

Filthy Animals/Big Vito/Paul Orndorff vs. Natural Born Thrillers

Filthy Animals: Konnan, Rey Mysterio, Disco Inferno, Juventud Guerrera, Tygress (female manager)

Natural Born Thrillers: Mark Jindrak, Sean O’Haire, Mike Sanders, Chuck Palumbo, Shawn Stasiak, Reno, Johnny the Bull

This is elimination style. Yes it’s that Paul Orndorff. He trained most of the Thrillers in the Power Plant (the same place that said one Dave Bautista had no future in wrestling) and he drew about 15 years ago so he’s PERFECT here. Orndorff is a mystery partner here. He SHOCKS the Thrillers. OH NO! IT’S ON OVER THE HILL OVERRATED GUY THAT HASN’T MEANT A FREAKING THING SINCE WE WERE IN 5TH GRADE! Wait….this is WCW and he’s over fifty…..WE’RE SCREWED!!!

Stasiak goes on commentary for no apparent reason. Konnan makes gay jokes and introduced Orndorff. Wow this is so completely overhyped. No one cheers either. They just kind of breathe. Also, we get to see a 51 year old man that looks about twice that old in lime green tights. Rock on brother man.

This was billed as 6-6 but there are so many people that a lot have to drop to the floor, making it look like 4-4. Rey and Juvy are tag champions as I try to fill space. Ok apparently they aren’t….they just have the belts for the second straight PPV in a row. Rey tags in Juvy to absolutely NO reaction. I wasn’t looking at the screen and didn’t even notice it. Normally you get a sound from the crowd to let you know that something happened but there was NOTHING here.

O’Haire hits a Falcon’s Arrow to take down Juvy who of course is fine like 4 seconds later. Vito, the big guy on the team I guess, beats up Jindrak and is only there for Johnny. And here’s Disco to again complete silence. Oh never mind they think that he, a face, sucks. Jimdrak, a guy about 6’5, can’t get a dropkick past the ribs of Disco who is about 6’0. Ok Konnan is in the match despite sitting on the floor so far.

Konnan crashes into Disco so Disco accidentally hits him with the Last Dance (Stunner) to eliminate him. Shawn says five to go, implying 6-6 to start. Disco can’t get anyone to tag him in so Vito punches him and Reno Rolls the Dice to end him and make it 6-4 I guess. Vito hits an Edgecution on Palumbo for two. Bull hits Vito in the head with a kendo stick and a Roll of the Dice (rolling cutter, Cross Roads) ends him.

That leaves it as Juvy, Rey and Orndorff left, so Madden suggests that Tygress is on the team too. So then Tony says it’s 6-2 as Orndorff is there for…..oh screw it let’s just get this over with. Guerrera hits a flying…..something to Reno. Tony calls it a body attack which sounds like something from Mortal Kombat. Juvy Driver and WHAT’S UP on Reno makes it however many vs. however many. Oh and over ten minutes in and I think there are 4 people that haven’t even been in yet.

Rey and Juy apparently ARE the tag champions here. Tony said they weren’t 8 minutes ago and now they are. My goodness I know WCW at this time is called insane but I’ve always thought it was overhyped. In this match alone, about ten minutes long at this point, we can’t establish how many original participants there were in this match, we’ve gotten three different answers as to how many people are left on one of the teams at this point, and we don’t even know if two guys are tag team champions? Ok according to Wikipedia they are the champions but are forced to forfeit them tomorrow for no given reason. Now why can I establish that and the paid announcers can’t?

The fans hate Tygress all of a sudden as Juvy’s plancha is just caught. And then HOKEY SMOKE O’Haire and Jindrak LAUNCH Juvy from the floor into the ring off a double hip toss. That looked incredible. A Swanton Bomb ends Juvy…..and here’s Orndorff. Of course he beats up all the young guys but a kendo stick takes care of him. He hits a bad piledriver to get rid of Johnny the Bull.

Rey and Tygress (now on the apron) just let Orndorff get double teamed and do all the work. Sanders hasn’t been in yet. He of course beats up Jindrak and O’Haire on his own, making them look completely weak in the process. He goes to piledrive Jindrak and of course gets hurt coming down, giving himself a stinger (same thing that happened to Austin in 97 off the Owen piledriver) and O’Haire quickly covers him for the pin because of the injury.

Rey and Tygress I guess don’t get that he’s really hurt and keep going on Jindrak. After a pair of Bronco Busters we get the idea so they beat up Sanders and Palumbo to keep the crowd into it I guess. Pay no attention to the fact that they’re landing around Paul’s legs or anything like that. And they stop the match because of the injury. They would conclude it the next night where Rey and Tygress would beat five guys on their own.

Rating: F. There should be two ratings here. The match itself was entertaining and was about a B/B-, but to let a guy in there that was 51 years old and had retired because of a neck injury and then, shocking no one with a brain, hurts his neck in his first match back in like 5 years is simply irresponsible. I don’t care if he swears up and down that he’ll be ok or whatever. You don’t let him into the ring with his neck hurt like that, and this is why.

He wasn’t even taking a bump and he got hurt. Imagine what would have happened if he had been taking am ove and got hurt like this. There is just no way you can validate letting Orndorff go out there. It didn’t sell any more shows because he wasn’t even announced, so this comes off as just irresponsible by WCW and there’s no way that is ok in my mind.

Kidman and Madusa talk about their scaffold match. Yeah this is a perfect place to go after what just happened, but at the same time that wasn’t planned. Madusa threatens to demoralize her. What the heck does that even mean?

Shane Douglas/Torrie Wilson vs. Madusa/Billy Kidman

The scaffold is over the stage here which I’m sure is completely safe. Also instead of putting them on the scaffold which starts on the ground and is raised up, they have to climb and waste more time. Douglas promises to pay everyone’s money back if the faces don’t get thrown. This is a Pittsburgh PLUNGE match, but apparently you win by crossing and climbing down. Sure why not. Kidman and Madusa don’t get entrances and just walk out and get on.

Tony tells Madden to get his jokes in so Tony can sell the match. Egads man. Tony insists it’s still going up when you can tell it’s perfectly still. The scaffold here is at least fairly wide to the point where they can walk side by side on it. That’s a LOT better than previous kinds. You know it’s a good thing we have those VIDEO screens to show the Fall Brawl logo so we know what show this MATCH is on.

The girls sprint off to get down the other side and are all alone so they just stand there. Kidman and Shane have a match up there with counters and a Sky High powerbomb and then the Franchiser (modified Stunner) on Kidman. And then Shane kicks Madusa down the ladder so that she crashes down. Now since she didn’t climb down, she doesn’t win. Oh give me a break.

Shane beats up Kidman and has him down so Torrie comes back over and waits for him to make his comeback and then hits him low so Shane can throw Kidman off the scaffold and onto the crash pad below. Once someone reminds them which way to go, the heels win. Yep, Shane Douglas is pushed over Kidman. Do I even need to explain why this was bad?

Rating: F+. How do you really grade one of these? It was maybe five minutes long and went nowhere. Shane made Kidman look freaking pathetic here and that doesn’t surprise me at all. Shane was in the downside of his career and Kidman was a guy with potential. Of course he lost. Whatever, and at least Torrie looked incredible.

Sting talks about his three way with Muta and Vampiro. Oh and he has a world title match tomorrow night. Jeff Jarrett jumps him for no apparent reason.

Mike Tenay goes to David Flair’s house to talk to him about the wedding that didn’t work. He was supposed to marry Stacy since she was pregnant and it turned out the baby wasn’t his. We never found out who it was but it allegedly was going to be Ric Flair and would wind up being some kind of incest angle, or Russo because clearly a 20 year old Stacy would screw him.

David is losing his mind and his place is covered in trash and pizza boxes so he lights up a cigarette but throws it away because it’ll kill him. David goes paranoid and thinks that his brother Reed, who is 11, is the dad. He goes to the window a bunch of times where he says the father is here. And then he doesn’t do anything about it.

I didn’t order this PPV and I think this aired on TV later because I’ve seen this before. David sprints to the door and says the father is here so he runs outside and beats up the mailman, putting him in the figure four on the front lawn. There also was a camera waiting on the camera guy as he was I guess coming across the street. What a coincidence eh?

Sting vs. Great Muta vs. Vampiro

ICP is with the heels here who come out together. The clowns are on commentary here. They talk about JCW and I get it now. Maybe I did get this PPV but I could have sworn they did commentary on Thunder too. The commentary is funny to a degree but it gets old fast. They beat on Sting for awhile but they fight after Muta goes for a pin and Vampiro doesn’t like it. This is definitely a different match than the one I remember. Sting gets a bat and hits the Death Drop on Muta for the pin. There was nothing else of note to talk about here. The clowns and Vampiro beat up Muta and Sting makes the save.

Rating: D-. At least it was short I guess and the commentary made me laugh once or twice. This feud was just never going to stop and no one at all cared about it. Granted that might be because of Vampiro and the fact that no one knew who Muta was because WCW never told us that but whatever.

Mike Awesome, in 70s clothes and a Partridge Family bus, shows up with a surprise: it’s Gary Coleman. Sadly he gets one of the biggest pops of the night. They do a terrible comedy bit with Pamela Paulshock who was drop dead gorgeous.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Mike Awesome

This is a bunkhouse brawl, meaning hardcore match. There are Buffalo Bills at ringside and Jarrett wears a Titans jersey to be a jerk. He makes bad football jokes and this goes dead fast. There are weapons in the ring and Awesome brings his own table. The announcers say that Jarrett is the favorite in this match. We have ropes and wheelbarrows here as you can hear Dusty jacking off to this.

There are nooses around the ropes and a table covered in barbed wire. This is Jarrett’s specialty match in case you didn’t know. Why is it his specialty match? Well no one knows but whatever. It starts out as just a weapons match with nothing at all special about it. Jarrett backdrops Awesome from the middle rope through a table just to be mean. Jarrett goes into the barbed wire table twice and then a sitout powerbomb gets two.

After the Awesome Splash misses, Jarrett yells at the Bills some more. And here they come, surrounding the ring while security does nothing at all. They shove him into Awesome and the powerbomb gets….two. I know the ending to this match and I thought the match was ending there. Not because it was a close pin or anything but because there was no reason at all for it to continue other than the inevitable Gary Coleman stuff that you know is coming.

And here he is. The Bills let Jarrett get a guitar and Coleman just walks into the ring and low blows Jarrett who them just kills him with the guitar. NOW FREAKING STING IS HERE to beat up Jarrett so that Awesome can FINALLY win. So let’s see: Mike Awesome, Gary Coleman, Sting and THE BUFFALO BILLS ended this. How much do you think all this cost?

Rating: D. I almost hat to type Gary Coleman sold the guitar shot. Did someone think this was going to help business somehow? Did someone think this was going to be funny? I mean eas there a point to this at all? If there was I don’t get it. The hardcore stuff was ok here though, but the match was just WAY too much to be good.

Scott Steiner says he’ll beat Goldberg here because he has big muscles.

Scott Steiner vs. Goldberg

This is just a grudge match and I guess Goldberg is a face here. No DQ here either. Steiner has to wear a mask because Goldberg broke his face or something. We’re told about how even these two are which is odd but makes sense at the same time. Scotty busts out a Diamond Cutter for two. Ok then. Steiner tries to hide and that doesn’t go well at all for him.

They’re doing the clash of the titans build here and for the most part it’s working. And here’s Midajah, which is supposed to be a big deal I guess. Goldberg is bleeding from some chair shots. She’s just standing there for no apparent reason. Oh ok Goldberg accidentally put her through a table. Steiner hits a belly to belly where Goldberg lands on his head and nearly breaks his neck. There’s the spear. We have a lead pipe in there too which I’m sure will have something to do with the ending.

And it’s Vince Russo to bash Goldberg with a baseball bat. Sure why not. It only gets two though and Bill goes through a table. Steiner Recliner, which looks awful since Steiner doesn’t know how to hook it right, doesn’t work as Goldberg picks him up. This is the match where they just hammer each other with no real rhyme or reason. That doesn’t mean it’s bad though as that’s what this is supposed to be. Think Awesome vs. Tanaka.

Back to the Recliner which would look a lot better if it wasn’t just Goldberg crawling on his hands and knees (yeah the arms aren’t even pulled back) to the ropes. A chair is brought in and nothing happens with it. Russo comes in AGAIN but Steiner pops Goldberg in the head with a lead pipe and the Recliner gets the win on the unconscious Goldberg. Oh and Russo does the Jericho cover on him to end it. The Bills come in again to help Goldberg. More on Russo in the overall rating.

Rating: B-. This was about being a big old fight and that’s all it was supposed to be. We didn’t need to have real wrestling here and they didn’t try. I could have done without Russo here but at the same time this match oddly worked. This was probably a #1 contenders match of some sort too.

Booker says he’ll get the title back. Nash booked himself to win the title for about three weeks so he could defend coming into this.

WCW World Title: Booker T vs. Kevin Nash

Dang there are some attractive women in Buffalo. This is a cage match. We get a Scott Hall reference, even though Hall was long since gone at this point. No waiting at all as we’re starting to run out of PPV time. The cage looks extra tall here which is allegedly 12 feet high which is believable here. The camera is weird here as it’s outside and we keep looking up at the guys.

We’re told that Orndorff had a stinger but is talking and has movement in all of his limbs. That’s always good to hear. Nash is actually moving a bit in there. He takes the buckle pad off as Tony, much like Billy Graham did 12 years ago, asks why you need to do that when you have a cage around you. Axe Kick puts Nash down as apparently him slamming Nash is a big deal.

They’re flying through this match with no transitional stuff at all. Nash is bleeding here. RONCO REFERENCE! Yeah that has nothing to do with wrestling but I have a thing for infomercials so there we go. We’re told Nash has a lot of heart. Uh…sure. Jackknife is blocked into the Book End for the title for Booker.

Rating: C-. This FLEW by and felt like a Nitro main event rather than a PPV main event. Goldberg vs. Steiner likely should have closed the show but I can get that they wanted to make the world title seem important. This wasn’t anything all that great at all but for once one champion lost the title to another guy clean and simple. What more can you ask for? Booker would hold the title for 8 days, so it’s not like this meant much in the long run.

Overall Rating: B-. This was a rather good show. The problem is this is pretty much the best show for WCW in their last 15 months or so. The elimination match would have been a lot better had it not been for the injury and while I still wouldn’t have liked Orndorff getting in there even if he hadn’t gotten hurt, the injury is what made that match fall apart so you can’t blame the wrestlers for it.

The scaffold match was really short so that didn’t hurt things too much. This isn’t a classic or anything but it’s definitely watchable as they toned down the insanity a lot and the show is completely coherent with nothing overly bad that goes more than say five minutes.

The most important thing here is simple: there’s a point to everything on the card. Nothing here is insane or just thrown on there, which is the point of a PPV. If you want a taste of what WCW could do around this time, this is your best chance. And then it means nothing at all as Vince Russo would win the world title 8 days later on Nitro, killing anything the company had left for it.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

 

Thunder
Date: April 12, 2000
Location: World Arena, Colorado Springs, Colorado
Attendance: 3,118
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan, Mark Madden

This is another show that I rarely talk about due to the high levels of suck which surround it. This was WCW’s second show and this is from a time period where the company was all but dead. This is the go home show for Spring Stampede, meaning that every title in WCW is vacant. Russo’s BRILLIANT idea was to completely restart WCW, meaning all title reigns were cut off two days before this on Nitro with tournaments being held on Sunday at Spring Stampede. Yeah the whole show is nothing but three tournaments and a Hardcore Title match, but first we’ve got to get through the show to set that up. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Russo returning and uniting with Bischoff before vacating all titles. Apparently there was a mini-tournament on Nitro with the winner getting to face Jarrett for the vacated title. Bischoff screwed Hogan over for the sake of Billy Kidman and Russo beat up Flair as well. Apparently Mike Awesome has debuted as well and beat up Kevin Nash. We also got a reveal of Bischoff as the Hummer Driver, which was a payoff to an angle from about ten months ago. I’ve just sat through this recap and I have no idea what happened on Nitro.

Bischoff and Russo arrived earlier today.

David Arquette is here.

Here’s the New Blood Order to open things up. The actual name is the New Blood but pretty much everyone saw them as the latest NWO knockoff. They formed on Nitro two days before this so the roster is still kind of up in the air. It’s Bischoff and Russo with some young talent and that’s about it. Bischoff immediately screws up and says that last night all the titles were vacated (Thunder was taped on Tuesdays to air on Wednesday). Eric talks about Hogan getting hit by a car and being in the hospital as a result. Kidman brags about pinning Hogan and crushing him with the Hummer.

Russo says this town sucks because it isn’t New York. Last night Flair and the people learned that Russo is Batman (he hit Flair with a bat) and that New Yorkers respect no one. When everything is done, Flair will belong to him. Shane Douglas talks about calling out Flair for seven years and says he’s going to Franchise Flair. There’s going to be a chain of Ric Flairs around the country?

Bischoff talks about Sunday being all new champions and how everything is going to change. As for tonight, Jarrett has the night off because we want the playing field to be level for Sunday. His opponent on Sunday, DDP, has the night off as well. However, we will get DDP’s wife Kimberly in the ring against veteran Madusa. This brings out Page with a shirt saying “whatever”, which sums up my attitude about most of these issues.

Page doesn’t have a problem with Bischoff having a problem with Page, but leave Kimberly out of it. DDP wants to fight Bischoff tonight but Eric would rather see what outfit Kimberly wears tonight. Page comes to beat up Bischoff but gets jumped by Bam Bam Bigelow. Cue the old guys (the Millionaires’ Club) for the first big brawl of the show.

We hear about how the other titles will be decided: Tag Titles in a tournament, US Title in a tournament, six way elimination for the Cruiserweight Title, and a singles match for the Hardcore Title. Now who said WCW in 2000 was a mess? That sounds totally coherent.

Chris Candido/Juventud Guerrera/The Artist vs. Lash LeRoux/Crowbar/Shannon Moore

These are the six men in the Cruiserweight Title match on Sunday. The Artist is somewhat more famous as Prince Iaukea. Artist gets beaten down to start before getting things going with Shannon. Things almost break down until we get Lash vs. Candido. Someone throws in a beach ball and here’s David Flair to dance with Artist’s chick Paisley (Booker T’s real life wife Sharmell). Juvy pounds on Shannon as the match continues to be all over the place.

Moore hits a Fameasser to put Guerrera down and it’s off to Crowbar. A quick northern lights suplex gets two for Crowbar but a headscissors sends him out to the floor. Crowbar and Flair get in a fight on the floor but Candido dives on both of them to take them out. Artist and Candido start fighting on the floor so Lash dives on everyone. Juvy sends Moore to the apron before diving onto everyone not named Shannon.

Moore hits a BIG Asai Moonsault onto all five guys as everyone is down. Shane Helms, Moore’s partner, interferes but here’s Daffney, Crowbar’s chick, to take Shane down with a hurricanrana. Back inside and Juvy hits the Juvy Driver (scoop piledriver) on Crowbar but Candido and Artist hit a double DDT on Crowbar for two. Candido adds a top rope headbutt for one on Crowbar before Artist hits his jumping middle rope DDT on Candido (his own partner) to let Crowbar hit a front suplex for the pin on Chris.

Rating: C+. Well it wasn’t boring. It wasn’t really a tag match and I completely lost track of who was on what team more than once, but it wasn’t boring. To be fair though that’s the entire idea here and the point of the match was to set up the big match on Sunday where it’s going to be every man for himself. A pair of triple threats would have been the better idea here but it was all over the place and not boring, so at least there’s that.

DDP says he’s going to rip Jarrett’s head off on Sunday. He wants Bigelow tonight.

Russo and Bischoff make Sid vs. Harlem Heat 2000 for later.

Sting was at the Ready to Rumble premiere.

Curt Hennig jumps Shawn Stasiak in the dressing room in retaliation for an attack on Monday.

Sid vs. Harlem Heat 2000

That would be Big T (Ahmed Johnson), Kash (4×4 from the No Limit Soldiers who you probably don’t remember) and Stevie Ray. This is No DQ and if Sid loses, he’s not in the US Title Tournament. Sid clears the ring to start but can’t chokeslam the lawyer manager J. Biggs. T and Ray get back in and beat Sid down but T is so fat that he can barely do anything right at all. A splash gets two for Kash but New Blood member Booker (he had lost the rights to the letter T to Harlem Heat. Yeah, seriously) makes the save and lets Sid powerbomb Stevie for the pin. This was barely a match.

Immediately after the bell, The Wall (he used to hang out with Berlyn. Again, yeah seriously) cracks Sid with a chair.

Bischoff and Russo are mad at Booker for betraying them.

Sid is still down in the ring so here’s Bischoff to disqualify Sid…..in a No DQ match. In other words, Sid is out of the tournament.

Bischoff yells at Booker in the back in front of the New Blood members.

Shane Douglas vs. Total Package

Luger (Total Package. This was the best thing they could come up with to “develop” his character. He’s the same exact guy) and Flair are partners and Douglas hates Flair so here’s a match to set up the obvious tournament final on Sunday. Luger pounds away to start and apparently tonight it’s Bigelow vs. Page.

Shane makes a comeback and hits his belly to belly suplex, which would win world titles in ECW but here it’s a way for him to go up top and get slammed down. We head to the floor so Luger can clothesline him down and Luger takes over. Since this is a three minute match on the secondary show, there’s the ref bump, the low blow by Shane and the run-in by Flair. He hits Douglas low too and the Rack ends Shane.

Rating: D. Again, three and a half minutes long on the Wednesday B-show and we had a ref bump, two low blows and a run-in. I think by this point it’s clear what’s wrong with Russo’s booking. You know, aside from Lex Luger being an upper midcard guy in April of 2000 instead of like, retired.

Jimmy Hart can’t get Eric Bischoff’s attention.

Later tonight, if Luger interferes in Bagwell vs. Flair, there will be suspensions. In other words, we need a special ruling to prevent interference because it’s that common anymore.

We get an update on Hogan who was in a limo and then crushed by a Bischoff-driven Hummer on Monday (culmination of a LONG storyline with about a ten month break in between to the point that no one remembered the stupid thing anymore). Hogan is out for two weeks.

Here’s Jimmy Hart to the ring who wants some answers from Bischoff about why he did that to Hogan on Nitro. Hart talks about being the liaison between Hogan and Bischoff over the years but gets interrupted by Billy Kidman and Bischoff. Kidman sprints to the ring and beats up Hart, as this is part of the Flea Market feud.

Basically Hogan said Kidman couldn’t be champion of a flea market so Kidman went after him. This is the feud that people point to when they say Hogan gave young guys rubs. The problem is Kidman never beat Hogan clean and Hogan made him look like a jobber the entire way through. Kidman spray paints Hart’s back to make the NWO rip-offs all the more clear.

Page tells Kimberly she’s not going to the ring. Kimberly says yes she is.

Scott Steiner vs. Booker vs. Vampiro vs. Billy Kidman vs. The Wall vs. The Cat

This is a Colorado Collision match and these are the six guys in the US Title tournament so far. Two guys start and one minute later someone else comes in. Elimination rules apply and last man standing wins. Booker and Wall start things off with the far more famous one pounding away. Wall immediately shoves him into the corner for some choking but Booker comes back with a slam and the ax kick for no cover as Wall pops up. Cat (Ernest Miller) comes out early and superkicks Booker to the floor.

Wall chokeslams Booker through his table (it was his prop) and since both guys are counted out, it’s time for Cat to dance. Actually he talks a lot and gets Scott Steiner instead. Steiner gets in some hard shots but Miller hits a GREAT superkick to take Steiner’s head off. That looked awesome. Kidman is fifth along with Torrie but he’s content to let Steiner beat up Miller for awhile instead. Steiner goes to pose so Kidman runs in to pin Miller and get us down to two. Vampiro is in last as Steiner pins Kidman with a belly to belly. Before there’s any contact, Sting comes in and lays out Vampiro so the Steiner Recliner can get the win.

Rating: D. Again, in a six man gauntlet match, we managed to have a run-in. Steiner barely even broke a sweat here and would run through the tournament like a roided up freak destroying a bunch of guys way beneath him and Sting in an overbooked tournament. Nothing to this match again as everyone lost in like 90 seconds.

Team Package (yes really. It’s Flair/Luger/Liz) freak out with Flair saying he’ll beat up Russo.

Madusa vs. Kimberly Page

Kimberly looks GREAT here in barely there leather shorts and a bright green top. I’m sure there’s nothing to the fact that she’s in DX colors and dressed exactly like DX member Tori. Madusa is basically Chyna so she destroys Kimberly for a bit until DDP comes in for the save and the DQ.

Terry Funk/Norman Smiley vs. Hugh Morrus/Meng vs. Brian Knobbs/Fit Finlay

This is a hardcore triple threat tag match and the winners fight for the Hardcore Title on Sunday. Tony tries to talk us into buying Spring Stampede instead of Backlash which is so pitiful it’s cute. Meng and Knobbs fight into the crowd before the bell and good luck in trying to keep track of this mess. Morrus knocks Smiley into the crowd and Norman screams a lot. They head to the stage and Morrus sets up a table but let’s go back to Punk vs. Finlay in the ring.

Morrus misses a dive off the stage through the table as we see Meng and Knobbs fighting in the back. Meng has a drink thrown on him and there’s a trashcan on top of it. Tony: “TO THE CONDIMENTS!” Meng makes his comeback….and stops to spear a cardboard cutout of Goldberg. He then breaks it over Knobbs’ head as they go outside. Knobbs charges at a railing and goes flying over, with Tony saying it could be a thirty foot drop. Now they’re stealing ideas from Halloween Havoc 1995. Let that sink in a bit.

We cut back and forth between the two brawls and Norman hides inside a big cat head that hockey players skate out of to start a game. Morrus charges and crotches himself on a tusk as we cut to Finlay DDTing Funk on the exposed concrete. Finlay puts up a table in the corner instead of covering, meaning of course Funk sends him through said table.

A piledriver on the piece of table puts Finlay down and here’s the run-in by Dustin Rhodes to beat up Funk. There are some Shattered Dreams for Funk and a chair shot for good measure. Rhodes pounds on Funk before heading to the floor…..so Smiley can run in and pin his own partner for the win and the title match.

Rating: D. Between the apparent death of Brian Knobbs, a Goldberg cardboard cutout used as a weapon, condiments, crotching Hugh Morrus on a cat tusk and that ending, what more do you expect me to think of this match? Not to mention we’re now 6/6 on matches having interference tonight with three more to go.

Eric and Vince give Los Villanos a pep talk for their handicap match against Sting. Apparently Sting has to beat all of them as opposed to Sid only needing one pin.

Sting vs. Los Villanos

The Villanos are III, IV and V and remember Sting has to beat them all. They all jump Sting to start but Sting Hulks Up and fights them all off like they’re uh…Los Villanos. Sting hits a double Death Drop to eliminate let’s say III and IV and we get a ref bump. Sting beats up V but takes a low blow on a leapfrog. V hits a low blow of his own and goes to get a guitar. Sting gets cracked in the head and V unmasks to reveal Jeff Jarrett. Page runs in for a Diamond Cutter to give Sting the pin and make us 7/7 for run-ins tonight. Too short to rate but it was an angle disguised as a match.

Jeff Jarrett threatens to knock Gene’s liver spots off if he doesn’t shut up. He’s coming for Arquette and Page tonight.

Buff Bagwell vs. Ric Flair

Flair is in street clothes for no apparent reason. According to Tony it’s because he’s fighting the New Blood instead of wrestling. Buff takes over to start and hits a quick backdrop followed by some clotheslines to take Ric down. There are some knees to Flair’s arm as this is one sided so far. Yes Flair getting beaten down in a Bischoff booked company. Flair comes back with an elbow and some punches in the corner before they head to the floor where Russo in a Sting costume (stealing from 1997) blasts Flair with a bat for the DQ. Another match too short to rate and another run-in.

Douglas and Luger run in post match with the New Blood guys standing tall.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Diamond Dallas Page

Bigelow takes him into the corner to pound away but Page comes back with shots to the head of his own. A discus lariat gets two for Page but Bam Bam comes back with a Samoan drop for two. We hit a camel clutch and Page slaps the mat but it doesn’t count here. Bigelow drops a headbutt on the bad back of Page for two.

Page fights out of a powerbomb for two of his own and a neckbreaker gets the same. The Cutter is countered into the third ref bump of the night but Bigelow misses the top rope headbutt. Now the Cutter hits but Bischoff runs in to count two before straightening his head. Jarrett cracks Page with a guitar as the match is thrown out.

Rating: D. NINE FOR NINE BABY! The match was once again a means to an end here so we could have Page and Jarrett brawl to end the show. By brawl of course I mean a weapon shot and a beatdown but that’s interesting TV under Russo’s watch. Nothing to see here though, much like the rest of the show tonight.

David Arquette tries to make the save but gets beaten down with a Stroke. He would be world champion in two weeks. Now Kanyon runs in to beat up Jarrett but Bischoff lays HIM out with a chair. The New Blood runs in and spray paint everyone to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. This show is VERY interesting to say the least. For one thing, how in the world can you manage to book three ref bumps and NINE RUN-INS IN ONE SHOW??? That takes either an amazing talent or complete insanity. On top of that, this was all to set up a bunch of new champions at Spring Stampede, and over half of those titles would change hands in less than a month. Oh and Kimberly would join the New Blood on Sunday because…..well why not. Anyway, this show is a great lesson in Russo booking as he managed to fit ALL THIS into 90 minutes, and somehow it would only get worse.

Here’s Spring Stampede if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/03/spring-stampede-2000-if-you-like-tournaments-find-this-show-immediately/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

Wrestlemania XVI
Date: April 2, 2000
Location: Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, California
Attendance: 18,034
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

This is also called Wrestlemania 2000 but the purist in me won’t let that happen. This is a step up over last year’s one match show as this year we have a two match show. The main event is a fatal fourway elimination match between HHH, the Rock, Big Show and the one night only returning Mick Foley. The other match is Angle vs. Benoit vs. Jericho in a two fall double title match. You might notice a few multi-man matches there and you’re going to notice a lot of them tonight. There isn’t a single one on one match on the entire card tonight, which might be the only time ever in company history. Let’s get to it.

Lillian Garcia sings the national anthem. I’ve heard her do this live and my goodness can she sing the heck out of that song.

We open with a recap of the previous 15 Wrestlemanias which sounds like it’s narrated by a James Earl Jones impersonator.

Godfather/D’Lo Brown vs. Big Boss Man/Bull Buchanan

Ice-T raps Godfather and Brown to the ring. Apparently it’s pimp or die, which I think might be taking it a bit too far. Buchanan and Brown get things going to prevent us from having a future RTC matchup. D’Lo tries a quick O’Connor Roll but only gets two. Boss Man tries to come in but gets run over by Godfather. Off to Godfather for a clothesline and the spinning legdrop but an elbow misses.

Godfather gets beaten on for a bit but comes back with a hook kick for two. Back to Brown who is almost immediately caught by Buchanan for even more pain. D’Lo pounds on Buchanan in the corner as this is going nowhere so far. Of all people, Bull gets things moving a bit better by climbing the corner for a spinning clothesline. Bull puts him in 619 position and both heels slide under the ropes for a double uppercut.

A clothesline gets two more for Bull and everything breaks down for a few seconds. That goes nowhere so we go back to Buchanan pounding on Brown in the corner. Now we keep the excitement going with a bearhug. Boss Man comes in for some double teaming and does his best to get the fans to care at all.

Brown’s cross body is caught in a backbreaker for two from both guys but as Buchanan goes up, Godfather crotches him down. Brown comes back with a nice top rope rana to put Buchanan down on the mat, allowing for the hot tag to Godfather. House is cleaned and there’s the Ho Train to Boss Man. Bull breaks up the Low Down though, allowing the Boss Man Slam to set up a guillotine legdrop on D’Lo for the pin.

Rating: D+. Who in the world thought this was the right idea for an opening match? They were WAY off base with each other here and the match suffered a lot as a result. This didn’t work on almost any level and on top of all that, the popular team loses. The whole point of an opening is to fire up a crowd, so having one of the most over acts in the company lose was a dumb way to start things off. Just a bad match all around.

HHH and Stephanie talk about how awesome their titles are. She’s Women’s Champion if that wasn’t really clear.

We see a conference with the Hardcore Battle Royal participants. Basically it’s a huge free for all and not a traditional battle royal. There’s a fifteen minute time limit and there can be as many title changes as there needs to be. Basically whoever is the last man standing is champion and the 24/7 rule stops after the last fall.

Hardcore Title: Hardcore Battle Royal

Tazz, Crash Holly, Hardcore Holly, Viscera, Joey Abs, Rodney, Pete Gas, Taka Michinoku, Funaki, Thrasher, Mosh, Faarooq, Bradshaw

Crash is defending coming in. He comes in last and we’re ready to go. Remember there’s a fifteen minute time limit. Everyone else fights to the floor and Taz hits a fast suplex on Crash for the pin ad the title in thirty seconds. So now, only Taz can be pinned for the title. A few seconds later, Viscera hits Tazz with a board and gets the title. Now we move into an extended period of hitting people in the head with whatever objects are handy.

We’ve got thirteen and a half minutes or so to go. Someone uses a box fan on someone else and that’s about the most in depth coverage you’ll be getting here. Everyone jumps Viscera and hits him with whatever they can find. Crash appears to be busted open. The Acolytes double team the champion and the beatings continue on everyone for a bit. Hardcore and Mosh beat Viscera down and get two each.

We’re under ten minutes now and it’s fine extinguisher time. There’s so much stuff going on it’s impossible to call. Viscera heads back into the ring and goes up top (for those of you unfamiliar, Viscera is about Big Show’s size), only to be slammed down by the Acolytes. The APA (Acolyte Protection Agency, same team) breaks a board over his back and Bradshaw hits a top rope shoulder to put him down. For no apparent reason they throw Kai En Tai on top of Viscera, giving Funaki the belt.

Funaki, apparently the smartest guy in the match, grabs the belt and runs away. Everyone catches up to him in the back with 7:00 left. Rodney gets a fluke pin out of nowhere for the pin, which I believe is the Posse’s first pinfall. Joey suplexes him down and wins the title but Thrasher gets a clothesline and the title. Everyone beats up Thrasher now because its their job and we come into the arena again. Pete Gas hits Thrasher with a fire extinguisher and wins the title.

Taz gets his hands on the champion and brings him back to ringside for a beating. A t-bone suplex puts the bloody Pete down for the pin and the title with….dang it they took the clock down. Hardcore sends Taz into the steps for two before Mosh takes a shot at him. Taz rolls up Mosh for two on instinct alone. Now it’s the Hollys and Taz in the ring and three minutes to go. Crash gets cracked in the head by Taz for two which again means nothing. Hardcore puts Taz down and the cousins fight over a cover. Two minutes left and both Hollies get two off a powerslam by Hardcore.

We’ve got a minute left as Hardcore hits the dropkick for two. The champion hits a suplex on Hardcore to send him outside as Crash hits Taz with a trashcan lid for the title. The Tazmission goes on Crash but Hardcore blasts Taz in the head with a candy jar and covers Crash. The ending is screwed up though as Hardcore was supposed to get two but be stopped by the time.

Instead the referee had to stop counting…but Hardcore wins anyway. It made no sense, but either way the important thing here is Taz actually. That jar was made of real glass and when it shattered, some of it got in Taz’s eye. Allegedly he was supposed to win the Intercontinental Title but the reign went to Benoit instead.

Rating: B-. What do you want me to say about this? It was exactly what it was supposed to be so I can’t complain about it in that regard. They beat the tar out of each other with some funny spots and it was contained in one match instead of a big goofy show long angle like we had two years later. This rating could be all over the place depending on your taste for this stuff.

We look at Axxess over the weekend. Interestingly enough Undertaker is there in the biker attire.

Al Snow talks to someone in a bathroom stall when Steve Blackman comes in and says don’t do something stupid. This is during the Head Cheese (Snow and Blackman) attempt at finding Blackman a personality.

Trish is ready in the back.

Head Cheese vs. T&A

Snow brings out Chester McCheeserton, which is a guy in a cheese suit. Snow: “This is better than Shawn on a zipline.” That would be Test and Albert (Tensai) with the brand new Trish Stratus as their manager. Test and Blackman start as JR’s mic goes out. Test gets kicked down quickly but it’s off to Albert who hits a quick splash in the corner for two. Snow comes in for a few seconds but it’s quickly back to Steve for a running shoulder which takes Albert down.

Snow comes in again sans tag with a slingshot legdrop to the back of Albert’s head. Blackman breaks up a gorilla press attempt from Albert to give Snow two. Head Cheese double teams Albert as the fans are dying faster and faster by the minute here. Chester annoys Trish as Blackman drops a knee on Albert’s crotch. Off to Snow who gets caught in a suplex, allowing for the ice cold tag to Test.

T&A his a double powerbomb on Snow as JR calls it bowling shoe ugly. Snow hits an Asai Moonsault on Test before the modified Trash Compactor (backbreaker by Blackman/guillotine legdrop from Snow) for two on Test. The match breaks down even more as Albert hits a gorilla press on Blackman before a top rope elbow by Test gets the pin.

Rating: D-. Anything with Trish in an outfit that small can’t be a failure, but at the same time this match absolutely sucked. There was NOTHING good going on here and they weren’t just on different pages, but rather in different libraries. This was absolutely horrible and one of the worst Mania matches ever.

Post match Head Cheese beats up Chester. You know, because they’re good guys!

We get a “comedy” bit based off Austin Powers with Kat lacking clothes and Mae Young accidentally covering up the good parts.

The Dudleys say they’re afraid of heights but they’re ready for the triangle ladder match. This is when Bubba still had a stutter.

Tag Titles: Edge and Christian vs. Hardy Boyz vs. Dudley Boyz

The Dudleyz are defending and this is a triangle ladder match rather than a TLC match. That would come in September. This is when Edge and Christian still came through the crowd and somehow hadn’t won the tag titles yet. As the Dudleys pose in the aisle on a ladder during their entrance, the Canadians jump the only actual brothers in the match. This is going to be one of those matches that is almost impossible to keep track of. Bubba chops away at Jeff in the ring but gets caught by Whisper in the Wind. A Bubba Bomb puts Jeff right back down and they all head to the floor.

Christian sets up a ladder in the ring but Matt makes a save. Everyone gets back inside and there’s a second ladder. Matt throws one into the corner at Bubba for a sick thud right before D-Von is slammed onto a ladder and hit by a middle rope elbow. Jeff puts Bubba on the ladder but misses a 450, giving us a SICK looking crash. Bubba puts the ladder on top of Jeff and actually hits the middle rope backsplash to crush both of them. Edge rides a ladder out of the corner to crush another ladder onto Matt.

D-Von takes Edge down and all six guys are on the mat or floor now. Bubba is up first and we get the put the ladder around your own neck and spin around in a circle move. Edge and Christian finally dropkick the ladder into Bubba to put him down and there’s a double flapjack into the ladder in the corner on D-Von. Christian climbs a ladder and dives onto Matt and Bubba on the floor. This is all happening with almost no breaks in between. Jeff climbs the ladder in the ring but Edge jumps off the top with a spear. That would be topped by about 1000 next year.

Matt hits a crucifix bomb on Edge before trying to climb, only to be slammed down by D-Von. D-Von goes up, only to have Christian throw the ladder at him to bring him down. There are now three ladders set up in the middle of the ring and it’s Bubba with a Cutter to Christian off two of them. Awesome looking move there. With Bubba down, the Hardys hit a splash/legdrop combination off the top of the ladders. D-Von tries to climb but the Canadians suplex him off the ladder.

Everyone but the Dudleyz climb up but they all come flying down due to a facebuster and a Russian legsweep in another spot that would be topped next year. The Dudleys are back in now and the fans want tables. Now all six guys climb three ladders and as you can guess, they all go flying down. Christian and Jeff get the worst of it, crashing out to the floor. Bubba lands on his feet and shoves the other two ladders over, leaving him alone in the ring. D-Von is back up too but here’s Christian back to his feet, only to get crushed between two ladders.

Edge comes back in and gets caught in the original 3D, with Bubba running for the cutter instead of just standing there. Bubba loads up a table as is his custom and D-Von gets one of his own. There are two ladders set up in the ring and the Dudleys are all alone, but instead of climbing they make a scaffold out of a table between the tops of the ladders. The Hardys get back up to make the save but are easily dispatched. Again the Dudleys screw up though by setting up another table under the scaffold and a third on the floor.

Bubba powerbombs Matt through the one on the floor but D-Von misses a splash through Jeff on one of the tables back in the ring. Jeff tries to run the rail but Bubba pelts him in the face with a ladder. Bubba loads up the super ladder in the aisle before setting up a table in front of it. I can smell wrestling law #1 from here. Jeff comes back and takes Bubba out before putting him on the ladder. In the famous spot from this match, Jeff climbs to the top of the super ladder and hits the Swanton through Bubba through the table to put both of them out.

Back in the ring D-Von suplexes Christian down and goes for a climb but here’s Matt to break it up. The Twist of Fate takes D-Von down and now it’s Matt and Christian climbing the ladders. They both wind up on the scaffolding that was set up earlier but here’s Edge from behind. The brothers throw Matt through the table, allowing Edge and Christian to pull down the belts for their first titles.

Rating: A-. There are two problems with this match. First of all, the match the next year blows it away. Second, and far worse, the last ten minutes were spent setting up spots instead of actually going for the belts. Take the big spot of the match for example. Why in the world would Bubba do that instead of for the sake of doing that spot later? Same with all the other tables set up. There was no logic to doing that, but they did the spots anyway. Still though, excellently fun match.

Mick Foley and Linda McMahon say the main event tonight is the biggest match of all time and thanks to Linda, Mick gets to be in the main event at Wrestlemania. He says fairy tales can come true, one will come true for him.

Terri Runnels vs. The Kat

It’s a Catfight, meaning you have to put your opponent on the floor to win. Val Venis is referee and Moolah and Mae are in the respective corners. The referee compares a certain part of himself to Wrestlemania in a promo that would get him chased off by a pitchfork carrying mob in today’s world. Venis is in a referee’s towel too. Early on he picks up Terri and gets kissed in a spot that would have made the Montreal Screwjob completely different.

Kat hits a lame spear but Val has to stop Mae from flashing everyone. Terri is sent to the floor but there’s no referee. The old chicks get in the ring and Mae kisses Val. Kat throws Terri to the floor but Moolah pulls Kat to the outside. Terri is the only one in as Val escapes Mae, giving Terri the win. Total mess but it was a bridge between the big match and the rest of the show.

Terri is stripped post match.

The Radicalz are ready for the six man tag but Eddie is more interested in melting Chyna with the Latino Heat.

Radicalz vs. Too Cool/Chyna

This would be Saturn/Malenko/Guerrero. They’re brand new at this point and Dean is already Light Heavyweight Champion. Too Cool was their first feud and it was a big enough deal that Too Cool rode it to a tag title reign in a few months. Eddie and Scotty start things off and Scott has his hat knocked off almost immediately. A tilt-a-whirl backbreaker puts Eddie down and it’s off to Chyna, sending Guerrero running off to Dean.

Malenko loads up a fast powerbomb but Scotty clotheslines him down to break it up. Chyna and the Grandmaster suplex Malenko down and it’s time to dance. Back to Eddie to face Grandmaster with Sexay hitting a quick suplex. Saturn breaks up the top rope legdrop though and the Radicalz take over. Perry comes in legally now and steals Grandmaster’s dew rag, somehow making him look even more ridiculous.

Eddie comes back in and allows Grandmaster to make a tag to Scotty. That goes badly for the non Radicalzas Scotty charges into a hot shot followed by the slingshot hilo for no cover. Grandmaster comes back in sans tag and throws Eddie to the floor as things fall apart. Scotty loads up a double Worm on Saturn and Malenko but an Eddie distraction lets them get back up. There’s no one in the ring at the moment until we get back to Scotty vs. Eddie. Perry comes back in and superkicks Hotty down.

A top rope elbow hits Scotty but again there’s no cover. Instead it’s back to Guerrero who goes up but takes too long, allowing Scotty to crotch him. A superplex puts both guys down and there’s the hot tag to Chyna. She cleans house with handspring elbows and a double low blow to Saturn and Malenko. Eddie decks her though, breaking part of her outfit in the process. Chyna escapes a powerbomb into one of her own, grabs Eddie’s crotch and slams him down before finishing him with a sleeper drop.

Rating: D+. This didn’t work for me for the most part but the main story of Chyna vs. Eddie was advanced which is the right idea. This would wind up meaning nothing (in a way) though as Chyna would fall victim to the Latino Heat the next day, starting a summer long relationship between the two. I guess that crotch grab changed her mind.

The redneckiest rednecks of all time won a contest to go to Wrestlemania.

Big Show and Shane say Show will win.

We get a clip from earlier of Angle beating up his mentor Bob Backlund after finding out that Backlund came up with the idea of Kurt defending both titles.

Angle asks a security guard for extra security for the post match celebration.

Intercontinental Title/European Title: Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit vs. Chris Jericho

This is an interesting idea. Angle holds both titles coming in and there are going to be two falls here. The first is for the Intercontinental Title and the second is for the European Title, so basically we’re getting back to back triple threats. Jericho guarantees to walk out of this match as the Ayatollah of Rock and Rollah while the other two will walk out with a shirt that complains about how lousy the shirt is as well as how bad the beating from Jericho was.

Benoit jumps Angle before the bell before heading inside for a clothesline from his fellow Canadian. All three are in now and Benoit chops Jericho, only to have his belly to back suplex escaped. Benoit breaks up a springboard dropkick by Jericho before fighting with Angle on the apron. Jericho hits the previously broken up dropkick to send both guys out to the floor. He joins them immediately, only to be sent into the steps by Kurt. Back in and a belly to belly suplex gets two for Angle on Jericho.

Jericho hits a backbreaker on Angle but Benoit shoves Jericho off the top and into the announce table for good measure. Benoit covers Angle for two before suplexing him down for the same. Jericho is back in for a dropkick to his fellow Canadian but Benoit comes right back with a clothesline for two more. Jericho bulldogs Angle down but Benoit comes back with chops of his own on the other Chris. Angle suplexes Benoit down but Jericho makes the save. Very back and forth action so far.

Jericho camel clutches Benoit but has to break it up to stop a charging Kurt. Angle hits a big suplex on Jericho for two as Benoit makes another save. Benoit rolls up Jericho in the corner but Angle dropkicks his head face first into the middle buckle to break it up. Jericho loads up a double arm suplex on Angle but gets countered into a crossface chickenwing. Benoit comes back in and dropkicks Angle before sending him to the floor and into the barricade. Back in and the Swan Dive to Jericho gives Benoit the first fall and the Intercontinental Title.

Very wisely Benoit immediately covers Jericho for an attempt at the European Title but it only gets two as Kurt dives in for the save. Angle suplexes Benoit down for two but takes too long on the moonsault attempt, allowing Jericho to break it up. Jericho loads up a belly to back superplex but Benoit supelxes Chris down, allowing Angle to miss the moonsault on Benoit. All three guys are down now until Angle covers Benoit for two. Jericho gets back into it with a Walls attempt on Angle, only to have the other Chris break it up.

Everyone gets back up and it’s Jericho with a spinwheel kick to take Benoit to the floor. The double powerbomb puts Angle down but Benoit comes back in for the Rolling Germans on Jericho. Benoit goes old school with a Dragon Supelx on Angle for two. Jericho hits the forearm on the referee by mistake, only to be put in the Crossface by the new IC Champion.

It gets an unseen tapout but Benoit releases, allowing Jericho to put Benoit in the Walls. Angle hits Jericho with a title belt but Benoit makes the save as the referee is awake again. Benoit suplexes Angle down again but misses the Swan Dive. Jericho slides in for the Lionsault on Benoit for the European Title to end things.

Rating: B+. Awesome match here which would have been match of the year when this style dominated in 2003. All three guys were the future generation of the company once we shifted to the technical style over on Smackdown in a few years, but here it’s just awesome instead of a match of the times. This is one of the only things that people remember from this show and with good reason: it was awesome.

Vince says he’ll be a factor in the main event. He’s in Rock’s corner tonight and doesn’t think his family is dysfunctional. Vince promises to make it right tonight. You can smell the screwjob coming from here.

HHH doesn’t like what Vince just said and promises not to lose.

D-Generation X vs. Rikishi/Kane

This would be Road Dogg and X-Pac with Tori as the final surviving members of the team. Kane has the wicked awesome inverted colors on tonight with mainly black trimmed with red. Tori slaps Paul Bearer before the match but gets choked by Kane for his efforts. It’s a brawl to start with Rikishi hitting a quick Stinkface on Road Dogg. The fat man turns his attention to Tori but Pac makes a last minute save. D-X tries to leave to no avail as the big men slowly chase them down.

We finally get started with Pac vs. Rikishi and the smaller man hitting a spinning kick in the corner but no Bronco Buster follows. Off to Roadie for the dancing punches and a forearm to put Rikishi down. The shaky knee gets two and it’s back to Pac for some kicks to the chest which have no effect. A Samoan Drop puts Pac down and there’s the tag to Kane. Kane gets to beat up X-Pac which is the whole point of the match. X-Pac avoids the Stinkface but Bearer throws Tori in to take his place. Kane tombstones Pac to end this.

Rating: D. This was another way to bridge between the two matches while also giving us a nice closure to this feud. Rikishi was a popular guy at the time so giving him a big match on a show like this was the right idea. Tori screwed over Kane months before so seeing her get what was coming to her was a nice feeling. The match sucked though.

Post match Too Cool and the San Diego Chicken come out to celebrate but Kane doesn’t trust the bird. Everyone dances as Kane stares at the chicken. Either Pete is a far better dancer than expected or there’s something afoot. Kane stares down at the bird but here’s Pete Rose with a ball bat. This goes as badly as the other years have gone and it’s a chokeslam and a Stinkface for the Hit King. I’ll give the guy this: he’s willing to do almost whatever the WWF asked of him.

Rock says it’s been twelve months since he was world champion and there have been a lot of bad moments for Rock since then. After ever chokeslam, every Mandible Claw and every Pedigree, he’s back here at Wrestlemania for his world title. If Rock has an ounce of blood and sweat, he’s going to layeth the Smacketh Down tonight for the millions and millions.

Various celebrities are here tonight, including Michael Clarke Duncan and Martin Short.

Here’s a recap of the main event which the company doesn’t think is important enough to explain to you. HHH is defending champion and retired Foley at No Way Out. Rock won the Rumble but Big Show presented HHH with a video showing that Rock’s feet hit first. This got Big Show a match at No Way Out for the #1 contendership where he beat Rock. Rock then earned the shot back by beating Big Show on Raw. Linda McMahon brought Foley back for one night only and if he wins tonight, there’s a tournament leading up to the title match at Backlash.

The real story here is that there’s a McMahon in every corner: Vince with Rock because Vince respect him, Stephanie with her husband HHH, Linda with the feel good story of Foley and Shane with Big Show because he sees Show as his ticket to the top of the company. In other words, the wrestlers are just there as the McMahons are the real show here.

WWF World Title: The Rock vs. Mick Foley vs. HHH vs. Big Show

There are no tags here, no disqualification and you have to win by pin. Why there are no submissions is beyond me but whatever. Rock and Big Show fight as do the other two with the champion being punched down. Allegedly Foley was told a week before this match that he would be participating so he isn’t in the best of shape. Granted that’s normal for him so maybe it won’t be that big of a deal.

Big Show runs over everyone and gorilla presses HHH and Rock. Foley gets a headbutt but tries to jump on Show’s back, only to have the giant crush him against the mat. Rock comes back with right hands on Big Show but walks into a side slam for no cover. HHH jumps into a chokeslam attempt but Foley breaks it up with a low blow. Everyone triple teams Big Show to a big reaction and a running clothesline from Rock puts him down. They all stomp away at the giant but HHH and Foley just can’t work together that long.

Foley blasts HHH in the ribs with a chair and hits Show in the back with it as well, allowing the Rock Bottom to get rid of the biggest guy in the match. We’re down to three now and Shane is ticked off. HHH offers Foley an alliance against Rock but Foley says no. Instead HHH offers Rock an alliance against Foley but we get a Rock and Sock Connection reunion as HHH gets beaten down. HHH gets punched down and dropped with a double clothesline.

The champion is sent to the floor but the Connection won’t fight each other. Instead they head to the outside and beat up HHH even more to the fans’ delight. Rock picks up the bell but accidentally blasts Foley in the head. Foley gets up quickly and finds a barbed wire 2×4. HHH saves himself with a low blow and a shot to Foley’s ribs with the board. Rock comes back in and is backdropped to the floor, allowing Foley to hit the double arm DDT on HHH. It’s Socko time and Rock adds a belt shot to take HHH down.

Rock loads up the Elbow but Foley puts the Claw on him to break it up. HHH hits them both low to put them both down but Rock gets back up first and pounds away on the champion. Foley gets in a shot to Rock for two and a double arm DDT gets the same. Vince slides in a chair for no apparent reason but Foley gets it first. It gets kicked back into his face by Rock for two as HHH makes the save. Why would he do something like that? A running knee lift gets two on Rock but HHH doesn’t save this time. Interesting.

HHH and Mick start working together for a bit and a knee drop gets two on Rock. They head to the floor with Mick’s knees being sent HARD into the steps. Mick picks up said steps and cracks Rock in the head with them as Stephanie yells at Linda. HHH puts Rock on the table for the Foley elbow through it….but Mick can’t jump that far and crashes ribs first into the edge of the table. HHH hits about three elbows of his own to put Rock through the table as the match continues to drag.

Back inside and HHH Pedigrees Foley for two and a big eruption from the crowd. A BIG chair shot to the head puts Foley down and Linda is panicking. HHH Pedigrees Mick onto the chair and the career is over again. We’re down to two now and HHH is somehow even more hated than he was before. Foley gets a big standing ovation but turns around to come back to the ring. He picks up the barbed wire and blasts HHH in the head to give us one last BANG BANG moment.

We’re finally down to HHH vs. Rock after twenty minutes of glorified preliminary stuff. Rock gets two off the barbed wire stuff and they head up to the stage for the required main event brawling. Rock suplexes HHH down on the concrete and does the same with a clothesline. They head into the crowd for even more “fighting” which means walking with the occasional punching. A backdrop puts HHH back at ringside where Rock picks up the steps, only to have HHH knock them onto Rock with a chair. He pounds on the steps with the chair to crush Rock even further underneath them.

A piledriver on the steps keeps Rock down even longer before we head inside again. The piledriver only gets two and Rock is somehow up again to slug away with right hands. Rock Bottom and Pedigree are both countered with HHH being backdropped out to the floor. Rock hits a kind of spinebuster to put HHH down and there’s a suplex through the table for good measure. Both guys are basically dead now but it’s Rock up first.

Vince can’t handle the lack of the spotlight anymore though and rams HHH into the post. Cue Shane again to take out Vince with a monitor shot to the head but Papa gets up a few seconds later to beat up his son. Shane comes back with a chairshot as we’re ignoring THE MAIN EVENT OF WRESTLEMANIA to see Shane and Vince fight. As a bleeding Vince is taken out, we cut to a shot of Stephanie with the most vapid look you’ll ever see on her face.

We’re allowed to return to the match now with right hands from Rocky. A DDT gets two on the champion as does a tilt-a-whirl slam. HHH comes back with a facebuster and a barbed wire shot to the head of Rock. At least he’s nice enough to loudly ask “ARE YOU OK” before being catapulted into Shane. There’s the Rock Bottom but Rock can’t cover. Instead here’s Vince for the 87^th time tonight to slap Shane around. Then, as if you would expect anything else, he turns on Rock with a chair shot. Stephanie still fails at acting as HHH chairs Rock down again for the pin to retain and kill the crowd even deader.

Rating: D+. And that’s being VERY generous. This was the definition of McMahon overkill as it was ALL about them with the match literally being ignored at times while they had their repeated drama. On top of that the match sucked with the first 20 minutes being there to get us to the last 20 minutes which doesn’t do anyone any good. The rest of the match was just a big mess with no real story to it as we were all at the mercy of the McMahons. Instead of focusing on HHH vs. Rock, we had to wait 40 minutes for Vince to turn on Rock for no apparent reason. Also Rock would win the title at Backlash, making this entirely pointless.

Post match Vince and Stephanie reunite in the ring. Shane gets back in but before we can get more of McMahon World, Rock comes in with Rock Bottoms for all three McMahons. You might notice that HHH, the FREAKING WORLD CHAMPION, is nowhere in sight for all this. Oh wait he pops up on the apron to get punched down before Rock hits the People’s Elbow on Stephanie (who doesn’t even move an inch when it hits). The last shot of the show: the McMahons recovering of course.

Overall Rating: D. This show is the low point of the best year in the company’s history and it’s because of the McMahon drama. Again, there is zero reason to have them dominate a main event like this other than that’s what they wanted to happen. The stuff that was good though, while limited, was VERY good with the midcard title match and the tag title match blowing away everything else going on with this show. That main event is a BIG blow to it though given how long the thing ran. Check out those two matches and then go pick up the N64 game instead of the show as it’s WAY more entertaining.

Ratings Comparison

Big Boss Man/Bull Buchanan vs. D’Lo Brown/Godfather

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Hardcore Battle Royal

Original: C+

Redo: B-

T&A vs. Head Cheese

Original: F

Redo: D-

Edge and Christian vs. Dudley Boyz vs. Hardy Boyz

Original: B+

Redo: A-

The Kat vs. Terri Runnels

Original: F

Redo: N/A

Radicalz vs. Too Cool/Chyna

Original: D

Redo: D+

Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle vs. Chris Jericho

Original: A

Redo: B+

Rikishi/Kane vs. D-Generation X

Original: D+

Redo: D

HHH vs. The Rock vs. Big Show vs. Mick Foley

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: D

Redo: D

Not much changes in a few years.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/23/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-16-they-thought-this-was-a-good-idea/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Uncensored 2000
Date: March 19, 2000
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 5,000
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Mark Madden, Tony Schiavone

 

Time for the last show in this series as we hit the ugly days of the company. There’s a double main event tonight in the form of Sid vs. Jarrett for the title and Hogan vs. Flair because Hogan needs his win back from last year I guess. The company is on its very last legs at this point and would be rebooted, as in all titles vacated and a lot of stories restarted, in about a month, making most of this show totally pointless. Let’s get to it.

 

The opening video is about the Total Package (he didn’t go by Lex Luger at this point) and was breaking everyone’s arm. This set up Sting vs. Luger FOR THE LAST TIME, in a lumberjack match. Also we get some clips of Hogan vs. Flair, which is going to be an Indian Strap Match, meaning all four corners. Oh dear.

 

Hogan and Sid are in the back talking and Hogan offers to watch his back later. We cut to the Harris Brothers talking to US Champion Jarrett about an insurance policy. Ok then.

 

The pyro goes off and the people do not move. It’s pretty sad looking.

 

Cruiserweight Title: The Artist vs. Psicosis

 

Artist has Paisley (Sharmell) with him and is more famous as Prince Iaukea. He’s also champion. Artist wears a lot of purple. Psicosis has Juvy with him and sound like people actually know who he is. Artist is in a dress shirt and dress pants. He was a bit of a weird character. Before they get going here’s Chris Candido for no apparent reason. I think this is his debut and he sits in on commentary.

 

He talks about how the internet rumors on him signing are true and he’s here to be the new Cruiserweight Champion. Psicosis hits a rana off the top to start and clotheslines Artist to the floor. Candido rants about a bunch of stuff, saying he could do all this stuff they’re doing but can wrestle which they can’t do. Back in Psicosis gets caught in the Tree of Woe and Artist drills him.

 

Off to a quick rest hold as the match is completely ignored. Big superkick by Artist for two as there are barely any fans to be seen. Out to the floor and Artist keeps his advantage. Into the ring steps and then back into the ring we go. The crowd can’t seem to decide if they’re interested in this or not as all of a sudden they get loud for nothing special. Artist gets some two counts and is frustrated.

 

There’s been no mention of a feud or a reason why Psicosis is getting the shot here so everything is normal. Sunset flip gets two for the challenger as the fans are booing LOUDLY at everything now. Middle rope rana gets a nice reaction and it’s back to the booing. Weird crowd to put it mildly here. Sitout gordbuster puts Artist down but Paisley distracts Psicosis from hitting the guillotine legdrop. Juvy kisses her and they brawl as the legdrop hits for a delayed two. Paisley distracts him again, allowing Artist to hit a jumping DDT off the middle rope for the pin to retain.

 

Rating: D+. This was a total mess. The crowd was all over the place and was really distracting. This was more or less a TV match all the way and was just not that good. Not interesting either which makes for a really awkward way to start off the show which looks awful on paper.

 

Tony throws it to Gene and says “that’s how you fill some time”. I seriously don’t know if that was supposed to be heard or not.

 

Anyway Gene is with Bigelow who faces The Wall tonight. Bigelow doesn’t know what’s wrong with Wall who has been on a roll as of late. Apparently it’s mentor (Bigelow) vs. mentee. Why mess with a classic story I guess?

 

XS vs. Norman Smiley/KISS Demon

 

XS are Lenny Lane and Lodi, who is called Rave here.. The KISS Demon is a complicated character as it was supposed to be one of four KISS themed characters which ultimately wound up being one and nearly resulted in a big lawsuit. Smiley is there because he’s the comedy character of WCW, similar to Eric Young or Santino I guess. This is apparently a long running feud and I have no idea why they’re feuding. Even the video about it doesn’t help. Lodi is called Rave here.

 

And never mind as here’s Stacy Keibler (Miss Hancock) in her sexy beyond belief corporate look with the skirt that might be 6 inches below her waist. The hair is pulled back and she has the glasses on. She’s also 20 years old here so how good do you think she’s looking? She wants to manage XS like she used to and they tell her to leave. They say she’s not worthy of them and she says they need female companionship.

 

Now we go from Van Halen style music to dance music for Hancock to God of Thunder for Smiley (coming out of a casket) and Demon. Apparently they’re the Screamin Demons. Norman is dressed as a demon also and gets some insane pops. XS jumps them only for Demon to beat the tar out of Lodi. Smiley and Lenny are in the ring now and I kid you not the reaction for Norman is so loud you can barely understand the announcers. Who would have guessed that?

 

Off to Demon as Stacy says that she’s going to manage Silver King and El Dandy. I kid you not again. This is a bizarre match and gets weirder as a very loud NORMAN chant starts up while he’s on the apron. Lodi gets a suplex for two on Demon. They totally botch a double clothesline as Lenny waits for after the other two go down to fall. Hot tag to Norman and there goes the roof. Spinning slam puts Lodi down. Lane and Demon look almost identical from behind.

 

Lane hits a Skull Crushing Finale to Norman for two as Hancock is annoyed with XS so Madden says he’ll comfort her. Everything breaks down as Demon and Lodi go to the floor. What kind of a name is Lodi anyway? Not that it matters because Norman gets the Norman’s Conquest (Crossface Chickenwing) for the tag from Lane.

 

Rating: D-. Stacy being out there helps this more than anything but the camera not being on her hurts it a lot. The match itself was another bizarre one as the fans were madly behind Norman, guaranteeing that he would never get a serious push or a push at all. Demon was just annoying and XS was worthless, so I have no idea what the point of this was.

 

XS goes after Hancock post match so the Demons chase them off. Hancock dances with Norman post match to an eruption. This is good until Demon cuts in to dance with Norman.

 

Billy talks to Booker about getting messed up by Stevie Ray. Booker says get your head in the game.

 

David Flair is with Crowbar and Daffney, demanding that she stays in the back for their match.

 

We get clips of Wall massacring everyone in sight, namely David and Bigelow.

 

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. The Wall

 

Big brawl to start as the ring is really loud. Bigelow gets him down and hits the top rope headbutt for two in the first few seconds. A HHH style knee to the face puts Bigelow down for two. Spinning DDT gets two for Bigelow as nothing is sticking here with momentum shifting with every move. Wall is knocked to the floor and they fight up the aisle. Wall sets for a chokeslam through something and that’s a DQ to end it. Crowbar and David come out for a beatdown on Wall and that totally fails.

 

Rating: F+. Was there a point to this at all? It’s barely three minutes long and was one move by one guy and then the other guy would hit one, repeat for three and a half minutes. This is the third straight horrible match to start the show, meaning we’ve wasted about 35 minutes of this show so far. Somehow that’s probably an improvement from what’s coming for this company.

 

Bigelow is taken out on a stretcher as Crowbar is up on the scaffold on the set. There’s a chokeslam off the set through a wooden piece of the stage. He goes all stoic after hurting people, which is absolutely nothing like Bubba Ray Dudley making the same face after he put people through tables. Not a thing like it at all. Crowbar is stretchered out as this eats up forever.

 

The announcers are all serious, so let’s throw it to Brian Knobbs who says he’s dedicating the next match to Bam Bam and Crowbar.

 

Hardcore Title: 3 Count vs. Brian Knobbs

 

Knobbs is challenging and has to beat all three guys. Apparently it’s a gauntlet match. 3 Count does their dancing thing and then Tony says “Wait a second. How can we do this after what we just saw?” He’s talking about Crowbar and apparently it took him three minutes to realize how distraught he was. They talk about stopping the show, and the thought occurs to me that this could somehow be a commentary on Vince not stopping the show after Owen fell last year. If that’s the case, this company deserves to die more than anything I’ve ever seen.

 

Anyway, Knobbs wastes some time looking for weapons before the match starts. Knobbs is all upset by Crowbar apparently. As he’s putting the weapons in one of the champions jumps off the top with a kendo stick to drill him. By gauntlet apparently they mean handicap elimination because they’re all out there at once. Knobbs cleans house and uses the Pit Stop on all three of them. Helms gets a chair shot to take over and sends Knobbs into a ladder in the corner.

 

Splash off said ladder gets no cover because the other two have to go up for splashes also. Karagis uses a corkscrew one and Moore’s Swanton misses. With Knobbs crawling away for weapons, 3 Count turns their back on him for a dance sequence. Helms has a chair on his face and Knobbs hits the chair with a mop to eliminate him. He had a broken nose so that’s more painful than it sounds.

 

It’s Table Time and after walking around for awhile, Knobbs powerbombs Karagis over the top rope through the table which more or less explodes. Helms is still around and beats on Knobbs a bit to no avail. Tony calls a chair shot a table shot because he’s not very smart. Another table is sent in while Moore is out cold. Moore manages to get a pin when Knobbs trips over something, but it’s a DUSTY FINISH due to Knobbs’ foot being on the ropes. In a freaking ow man moment, Knobbs throws a ladder over the top rope to land on Karagis who is still down. Middle rope garbage can shot gives Knobbs the title back.

 

Rating: D+. Somehow this might be the match of the night so far and it was a Brian Knobbs showcase match. Why in the world is this happening in the year 2000? And with a freaking Dusty Finish of all things. It was fine for a weapons match I guess, but there was never any doubt of the finish. Why in the world was this on PPV in 2000 though?

 

Harlem Heat 2000 (Stevie, Big T (Ahmed Johnson who has gained about 150lbs since his WWF time), J Biggs (Clarence Mason) and Cash (big muscle guy that never talked) say they’re ready for Booker and Kidman.

 

There’s a black limo that may have the insurance policy that Jarrett was talking about earlier.

 

Vampiro apparently likes being violent and doesn’t like Fit Finlay being in his face. This is a 30 second promo that is literally all one sentence. Apparently he likes to hurt people.

 

Booker/Billy Kidman vs. Harlem Heat 2000

 

Just Booker here after, and wait for this one, Harlem Heat 2000 won the rights to the letter T in a match against him. Booker is mad at Kidman for not having his back recently. At least we get to look at Torrie who is smoking in a green dress. Biggs, the lawyer, is on commentary here. Booker vs. Stevie to start as we talk about Crowbar some more. Kidman comes in and the faces dominate early.

 

Stevie gets a powerslam and it’s off to Big T. So if they had lost the match for the letter T would he just be known as Big? Biggs, a real life attorney, is ranting about whatever comes to his mind. Booker gets a sidekick to take down T and hits an axe kick to Cash. Kidman tries to come in off the top but jumps into a right hand. Time for him to play Morton for awhile I guess.

 

Biggs says Harlem Heat are ten time tag champions, claiming that this version keeps the reigns. T heads to the floor and tries to dive over the railing like he used to and mostly gets over, despite hitting Kidman in the feet. Spinebuster gets two on Kidman back in the ring. Kidman escapes the beating and brings in Booker, who is the only member of his team that’s been able to not get destroyed. Book End to Stevie gets no cover as T jumps him. Double spinebuster puts Booker down but Kidman makes a very last second save. Kidman then gets a sunset flip on T for the pin, despite not being legal.

 

Rating: C-. Now this is by far the best match of the night and we’re an hour into this. That should tell you all you need to know about this show. Nothing special at all here as it was a kind of sloppy seven minute tag team formula match. Not horrible, but nothing you wouldn’t see in any company at any given time. Nice to see something somewhat decent though.

 

We get a clip of Wall hurting both guys earlier, complete with a graphic saying “earlier tonight”. You know, for people that buy PPVs an hour in.

 

Finlay talks about wanting respect from Vampiro.

 

Vampiro vs. Fit Finlay

 

This is falls count anywhere. Back and forth stuff to start until Vampiro hits a top rope spinwheel kick for two. He busts out some more kicks and Finlay is in trouble. Apparently Bigelow and Crowbar are injured and Crowbar is far worse but it’s nothing incredibly serious. Ok, so now we can stop talking about them right? Finlay brings in an old school chair which of course winds up being kicked into his own face.

 

Both guys have broken arms due to Luger. Out to the floor and Vampiro is dropped throat first across the railing. We go into the crowd and isn’t it always lucky that they land where there are no fans. They go up the steps and into the back with Finlay in control I guess you’d call it. Time to go into the women’s bathroom and now we shift to the men’s room. I think Finlay went the wrong way or something.

 

Madden: “A good hold to use in there is the urine-age.” Into a stall and there’s a trashcan shot. Vampy climbs to the top of a stall but the can is tossed at him as he jumps off. They go to the commons area which has a weird Kane red light thing to it. They’re outside and the red light thing is still going on. Maybe a camera issue or something. Back inside now as they’re barely fighting because of all the people. Backdrop by Finlay but Vampiro rams him into a wall and the Nail in the Coffin (Michinoku Driver) ends this.

 

Rating: D+. We’ve seen this match so many times before that this means nothing for the most part. The lack of action after about 4 minutes in though really hurt it. The bathroom spot has been done before and done way better than this. Not impressed here, namely because WWF at the time was making these hilarious and hard hitting at the same time. This was kind of hard hitting but nothing interesting at all.

 

The Harris Boys say they’ll win the tag titles. That’s it.

 

Disco says he and his Mamalukes (Disco is managing) will keep the belts. It’s about respect apparently.

 

Tag Titles: Mamalukes vs. Harris Brothers

 

The Harris Brothers are NWO here, in part of the final incarnation which was also the weakest probably. Vito kisses both his partner and the referee on the cheek. This is No DQ apparently. Disco Inferno is on commentary as our what, 4^th guest commentator tonight? Vito vs. we’ll call that Ron while Madden and Disco banter back and forth. Powerslam by Johnny gets two. The teams are Ron/Don Harris vs. Johnny the Bull/Vito. That might clear some stuff up.

 

This is pretty weak to start as the styles are totally clashing. Back to Vito who gets a Japanese armdrag to take over. Disco is cracking me up here. The Mamalukes hit the H Bomb (Harrises’ finisher) on we’ll say Ron for two. Out to the floor as Johnny is in trouble. Spinwheel kick gets him out of that but Vito is drilled before the tag can be made. Well sure now: let’s talk about Crowbar some more. This is so freaking annoying anymore.

 

Yes, Vince didn’t stop the show for Owen. FREAKING GET OVER IT. I know that sounds bad, but there’s a HUGE difference between a real life accident and a scripted moment being used as a commentary on a real tragedy. Hot tag to Vito and some “Mafia” kicks clean house. Everything breaks down and Vito hits a top rope elbow for two. Modified Hart Attack gets the same. Double flapjack gets two on Johnny as the twins take over. Disco comes in for a belt shot for two. A belt shot to Vito sets up the H Bomb (kind of a double belly to back suplex) for the titles for the Brothers.

 

Rating: D. This was rather weak overall with the Brothers just doing their usual stuff. The Mamalukes were ok at best although I kind of liked Vito. They couldn’t get much going here and that was mainly due to the styles being too similar. The titles would be vacated anyway so again, all of this means nothing for the most part.

 

Finlay says he beat respect into Vampiro but the better man won. Keep the fire burning Vampy.

 

Luger and Flair say they’ll win. Gene calls Flair Luger by mistake.

 

We recap Terry Funk vs. Dustin Rhodes. The idea is that Rhodes is now a heel because his family life sucked due to the Rhodes vs. Funk feud. Yes, they actually think people care about Rhodes vs. Funk in the year 2000. This also involves Dustin being knocked out cold with a chicken. Yes, as in something you put in a pot and cook then eat.

 

Dustin says this is Funk’s retirement match. His first was in 1983 so what do you think is going to happen with him retiring?

 

Terry Funk vs. Dustin Rhodes

 

Oh and of course it’s a Texas Bullrope Match. You know, because two strap matches/rope matches in the same show is FINE. Funk has the chicken again and says Rhodes’ baby brother is here. And here’s a guy in a chicken suit. I kid you not, this is really happening. Dustin chases him and is hit in the face with the actual chicken. Into the ring and Dustin is whipped by the rope which isn’t attached.

 

This is just a bad match here with random cowbell shots added in. Low blow to Funk as this needs to end now. Naturally, this is the second longest match of the night. Dustin hits him with the bell and the rope a lot and that’s about it. We actually argue over experience here with the main point being does Dustin have half the experience that Funk has. We actually tie them together now to actually follow the match rules.

 

DDT gets two for Dustin. Bulldog onto the cowbell gets the same and the chicken man is back. There are chicken sound effects to go with it. Madden keeps ranting about how the chicken needs to die. Funk gets a low blow in with the bell and grabs a mic. It’s now an I Quit match. The referee protests so he gets cussed at and there’s a cowbell to the head for him. Dustin says I QUIT but the referee says that’s not a submission so we keep going. I hate this company.

 

After being hit in the head literally about 8 times with a metal bell, Dustin gets up and hits Funk once with it to put him down. There are a bunch more shots to the head as this is just awful. Funk keeps getting up because he’s from Texas or something. Piledriver onto the bell and we’re finally done.

 

Rating: F. This was literally 90% cowbell. Also, NO ONE CARES ABOUT FUNK VS. RHODES IN THE YEAR 2000! That feud meant something 25 years prior to this, so WCW of course thinks everyone cares about it. This company is so stupid it’s unreal at times. The match sucked also because apparently saying I QUIT isn’t giving up.

 

Sid says he’ll win.

 

We recap Sting vs. Luger’s complete history. By that they mean this story but whatever. Luger has been breaking everyone’s arms and he started with Sting. Sting started his usual mind games and then came back when Luger kept hurting people.

 

Sting vs. The Total Package

 

This is a lumberjack match. Sting’s lumberjacks are the people whose arms Luger broke. Luger’s are just guys wearing fake casts. And yes he’s really called The Total Package here. Luger says he’s sorry to all the lumberjacks for breaking their arms. His lumberjacks are Harlem Heat 2000, Hugh Morrus and the Harris Brothers. Package goes for the arm to start which doesn’t work that well.

 

All Sting here for the most part as Luger is in trouble. The fans want Goldberg but it’s a shame that’s just not going to happen. Luger goes to the floor and everything goes nuts as you would expect. Now Sting gets beaten down outside also. Tank Abbot comes out for no apparent reason and knocks Doug Dillenger (security guy who Luger hurt) out cold with one punch before leaving.

 

All of the lumberjacks fight towards the entrance and we have a regular match. Luger has a chinlock on as this is making my head hurt. Oh wait Vampiro is here still. Flair comes out and fights with Vampy as Sting takes over. Now Flair comes in and that goes badly for him. Stinger Splash to Luger but Liz hits Sting with the bat. Jimmy Hart, another lumberjack, takes Liz to the back. Vampiro hits Luger with the bat to break up the Rack and the Death Drop ends this.

 

Rating: D-. And most of that is because Liz looked great around this time. The ton of run-ins and the gimmick more or less going away halfway through hurt this badly, along with Luger being completely uninteresting by this point. The match itself was really boring too, making the whole thing awful.

 

Sting and Vampiro hug post match. That wouldn’t last long.

 

Abbot says nothing of note about Dillenger.

 

We recap Sid vs. Jarrett which is happening because they needed a world title match I guess. The NWO wanted the world title which Sid had so Sid rambled a lot and Jarrett said he’s win.

 

The match order is changed so the world title match is now.

 

WCW World Title: Sid vs. Jeff Jarrett

 

The door of the black limo is opened but we cut away before we see who’s in it. Jeff is US Champion. Sid dominates to start but a chokeslam is broken up by a thumb to the eye. Out to the floor and Jeff is put on the table. They go out into the crowd and it’s almost all Sid. Up to the stage area and here are the Harris Brothers to beat Sid down. Jeff throws a sleeper on back in the ring.

 

Sid blocks a middle rope double axe handle and the Harris guys get up on the apron, one with the belt. Jeff is slammed into it by mistake but it only gets two. Chokeslam is blocked and there goes the referee. Guitar shot to Sid but there’s no referee. He waves down a crooked referee but Hogan comes out for the save. Big boot and legdrop to Jeff as Hogan beats everyone up. In the chaos Sid covers him and gets the pin.

 

Rating: D. Just a big mess here and the whole thing was just 8 minutes long. That’s hardly a full length PPV main event in my eyes and when the majority of that was spent in a brawl on the outside, that’s not really a good sign. Hogan only comes in at the end to set up the main event and the whole thing just felt thrown together.

 

Anyway the limo guy/insurance policy is the returning Scott Steiner who would soon begin a big heel push. He hits Hogan and since Hogan is down, here’s Flair to start the main event sans entrances.

 

Hulk Hogan vs. Ric Flair

 

Strap match here, meaning touch all four buckles. The brawl goes to the floor almost immediately as Hogan is wearing a weightlifting belt and trunks which is a rather weird look. Flair begs off and gets beaten up. Good to see that the Steiner interference made such a big deal. Into the ring again and Flair gets whipped.

 

Flair begs off some more but gets a thumb to the eye. Thankfully he doesn’t have the short and spiked hair here as the blonde locks are flowing pretty solidly. They slug it out and guess who wins that one. The strap is really long here. Flair is being dominated here. He hits the floor and begs off again as no one has tried for a corner yet. Naturally the guy with hair is bleeding.

 

Hogan slams him off the top as always and hits a clothesline on the floor. Jimmy Hart is here too and gets in some shots with the strap. Flair gets some shots in and Hogan is like dude just no. They go up to the stage and Luger pops up with a chair shot to put him down. We’re probably almost ten minute into this and not a single corner has been touched.

 

Low blow on the floor puts Hogan down again and Flair unhooks himself from the strap. Flair hammers away because that’s worked so well for him in the past right? Hart comes in again and he gets drilled. That guy deserves a medal for the abuse he’s taken over the years. Flair finally goes for some corners, getting three this time. Flair pulls out brass knuckles and hits him for a two count. In a strap match. Well of course he does. Hogan Hulks Up, beats Flair up, touches three corners, beats up Luger when he runs in, drops the leg on Flair and pins him, then touches the fourth buckle after the bell rings. You figure it out. I’m done.

 

Rating: D+. This was a Hogan vs. Flair match, but not a particularly good one. The biggest problem here is simple: this is the year 2000. In like 1994 or so this would have been ok, but it’s not 1994. Hogan and Flair with Hogan doing his old school thing and Flair being a basic jobber and not even for the title isn’t something that’s going to work here. Yes, some fans cheer Hogan, but he shouldn’t be on top in the year 2000. To be fair though the company was deader than dead by this point, so who cares? This would be a month before the reboot anyway, so again it doesn’t really matter.

 

Overall Rating: F. When one match is what I’d consider not bad and that’s about as high as we get in the grades, what do you expect me to say here? The show is meaningless and it’s not like the matches are even good. This was just boring with all kinds of stuff that didn’t excite anyone. The crowd was tiny too and the whole thing was just bad. Total mess here and WCW would continue to sink into the abyss until finally dying soon after this. Ok so it was a year later but they were more or less dead by the summer.
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