Smackdown
Date: September 19, 2002
Location: World Arena, Colorado Springs, Colorado
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the go home show for Unforgiven and that means we’ll be getting some more of Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar. At the same time though, you can really see the Smackdown Six being built up before our eyes and that’s nothing but good. If we can get a few ten minute matches with some outstanding action here and there in between the Eric Bischoff vs. Stephanie McMahon nonsense, everything should be fine. Let’s get to it.

We open with a long recap of the wedding because that’s the top story at the moment since it involves the feuding bosses.

Opening sequence.

Rey Mysterio/Torrie Wilson vs. Nidia/Jamie Noble

Torrie looks outstanding here, as in even moreso than usual. Nidia slaps her in the face to start and gets caught in a neckbreaker (normally Torrie’s finisher) for two. It’s off to Jamie to take Torrie to the mat but she brings Rey in almost immediately. Rey gets planted on his face but gets in the sitout bulldog for two. Nidia keeps validating her employment by distracting Rey so Noble can get in a hard clothesline. Everything breaks down and Torrie gives Nidia a Bronco Buster for the pop of the match. Noble offers to take one of his own so of course it’s Rey doing it instead. The 619 into a Code Red puts Noble away.

Rating: C. I know the women weren’t exactly the best in the world at this point but the ending accomplished its goal and the Bronco Buster spot was all it needed to be. I’ll gladly take this over the champion getting pinned all over again. To be fair though I had almost forgotten that Noble was champion in the first place. Also, Mysterio goes from a classic opener against Kurt Angle at Summerslam and can’t even get on Unforgiven?

D-Von yells at Stephanie about Batista so Stephanie collects his balls. Paul Heyman comes in and says he’s brought in some off duty police officers to guard Lesnar. They might not be necessary though as Undertaker had to take his wife Sara to the hospital for false labor. He’s on his way here though and Heyman is distraught. Lesnar seems pleased though.

Here’s Stephanie in the arena because we haven’t seen her recently enough. You don’t screw with McMahons because they always get even in the end. That means a clip of the women’s protest on Monday and another to set up 3 Minute Warning vs. Billy and Chuck on Sunday. As for the stipulations, she’ll address those when she and Bischoff have a face to face video chat later tonight (OF COURSE there’s a big segment for that story later) but for now, here are Billy and Chuck.

Billy says it’s time to set the record straight….so to speak. Maybe he could keep teaming with Chuck or maybe he could work on a singles career. Chuck: “So you’re saying you go both ways?” Cue Kurt Angle of all people to say this sounds like a bad episode of Three’s Company.

Angle made some publicity of his own back in 1996 and he didn’t do it by making out with Carl Lewis. Kurt insists that he’s not gay and he has no problem with anyone who is because gays love him. Angle: “I’m freaking adorable!” A tag match is made for later and Stephanie gives Angle Chris Benoit as a partner. Angle is so freaked out that he keeps making unintentional gay jokes, such as that being a hard one to swallow. More greatness from Angle.

Security won’t come out to the ring with Lesnar because they weren’t hired to work in the arena.

Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena

Non-title and something that would be a bit different today. Like Cena would be wearing jean shorts while Lesnar squashed him. Lesnar forearms him in the back of the head to start and hits the first overhead belly to belly. Brock starts pounding him in the back and gets two off a delayed vertical suplex. A waistlock has Cena in even more trouble as the very slow pace continues. Brock stays on the ribs for a bit longer, shrugs off the comeback, and finishes with the F5.

Rating: D. What the heck happened to Cena? He was the hottest rookie around for a long time (possibly even hotter than Brock, or at least showing more fire) and now I can’t even remember the last time he won a match. It doesn’t help that he never really had a character so there wasn’t exactly anywhere for him to go. Lesnar vs. Undertaker still isn’t looking interesting but at least they’re doing something with the feud to try and get it somewhere.

Video on Rikishi, who was shot back in 1986. Ok then.

Video on Undertaker, who really doesn’t need a video package. At least it’s set to Adrenaline by Gavin Rossdale, which I’ve always liked.

Eddie Guerrero wants revenge on Edge for the Stinkface. If that means more Edge vs. Eddie, I guess I can live with it.

Eddie Guerrero/Chavo Guerrero vs. Edge/Rikishi

Chavo slaps Rikishi to start in what is apparently a show of disrespect, because Rikishi is someone to be respected all of a sudden. Edge comes in to take over without much effort but gets sent to the floor where he has to avoid a chair shot from Eddie. The cousins start in on the back and of course we get some classic cheating because that’s what Guerreros do.

Edge gets in a powerslam but Eddie cheap shots Rikishi to prevent the hot tag. I love how so many of those spots have been used for the better part of twenty years and simply do not get old. A tornado DDT is broken up and the hot tag brings in Rikishi to clean house. We get the double crush in the corner but only Chavo takes the Stinkface. Eddie bails to the floor so Chavo hits Rikishi with a TV camera for the pin.

Rating: C-. Rikishi is fine for the hot tag stuff but I still don’t see why he’s in this spot and the story about him being shot really didn’t do much to get him to another level. Eddie vs. Edge is still good and the idea of Eddie not liking him due to Edge being considered a pretty boy is more than fine.

Post match Eddie chairs Edge in the face to cut him open.

It’s time for the Stephanie vs. Bischoff sitdown interview with Stephanie getting to be all smug over kicking Eric low on Monday. Bischoff laughs it off and loves the idea of Stephanie having to perform HLA if Billy and Chuck lose on Sunday. Stephanie accepts and says she’s not even worried about Billy and Chuck losing (What confidence!) because she might just enjoy HLA. In other words, no matter what happens, Stephanie doesn’t lose. Well of course she doesn’t.

Matt Hardy vs. The Hurricane

Hurricane is just in tights here with no sleeveless shirt on. Matt has something to say before the match but a WE WANT JEFF chant cuts him off. A quick rollup gives Matt two and the Jeff chants throw him off again. Hurricane grabs a victory roll for his own two and does his pose, earning himself a right hand to the jaw. The announcers try to figure out what Matt Hardy Version I means as Hurricane can’t hit the chokeslam.

A Ricochet gets two on Hurricane as the fans switch over to wanting Lita. Hurricane’s neckbreaker drops Matt and now the announcers want Undertaker to shot up and pummel Hardy. The Shining Wizard gets two on Matt as this is WAY better than I was expecting. Matt grabs a quick Side Effect and sneaks in a low blow to set up the Twist of Fate for the pin.

Rating: B-. It’s amazing what happens when you let these North Carolina guys get together. This was a really fun match with both guys trading good looking moves until Matt cheated to win. It made for some entertaining stuff and while the announcers got annoying (as expected), that’s what you can expect from Smackdown.

Heyman thinks Undertaker is waiting on Lesnar so they’re not leaving.

We run down Sunday’s card and it’s still not very interesting.

Billy and Chuck vs. Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit

Angle and Benoit don’t get along. Billy and Benoit start things off but Chris chops Angle for a tag. The team that actually gets along takes over on Kurt and Benoit finds this very amusing. Billy’s tilt-a-whirl slam gets two but Billy poses a bit too much, allowing Benoit to get in a cheap shot. It’s off to Benoit for the rolling German suplexes as this really isn’t the way you want to treat your new top face tag team.

Billy finally avoids a charge from Benoit and gives Kurt the One and Only, setting up the hot tag. Chuck cleans as much house as Chuck Palumbo is going to be able to do before getting caught in the ankle lock. That’s not cool with Benoit who throws Angle away so he can put Chuck in the Crossface. Billy makes the save, meaning Chuck should have gotten beaten twice. Chuck gets in a superkick on Benoit for the pin.

Rating: D+. What the heck was that? I mean, Billy and Chuck are going into the semi-main event at Unforgiven (it’s gotten WAY more hype than anything other than the two World Title matches and you could easily argue it’s beaten both of those) and this is the best you can do for them? They couldn’t beat up some thrown together team for their big face debut? Speaking of them being faces, why is that the case? Their big moment was admitting they were lying to the fans and then they stand up for Stephanie or whatever and now they’re fan favorites? That’s really not impressive.

Benoit and Angle trade submissions post match, making Billy and Chuck look even more worthless.

Undertaker arrives with ten minutes left in the show.

Here’s Undertaker to the ring for the last minute hard sell. He calls Lesnar out and gets his wish in a hurry with Heyman not being able to hold him back. Undertaker starts slugging away as Heyman calls out the troops. That means Matt Hardy, who takes the beating on Lesnar’s behalf. Undertaker chases after Lesnar, who has been arrested and put into protective custody. What a lame ending.

Overall Rating: C+. This was a good show on its own but a pretty horrible go home show. To be fair though that’s because Unforgiven is a miserable pay per view and really doesn’t need to exist at this point. Lesnar vs. Undertaker isn’t going to be worth seeing and the build is showing it more every week. There was enough good wrestling tonight to make the show work but the pay per view just isn’t interesting and there’s no way around it.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the History of the WWE’s Big Four Pay Per Views, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/01/27/kbs-reviews-now-available-in-paperback/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: September 16, 2002
Location: Pepsi Center, Denver, Colorado
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for Unforgiven and that means a lot more from HHH and his REALLY COOL SLEEPER. Yes HHH is currently trying to get the sleeper over as a finisher in 2002 and….well he’s probably not wondering why people are booing him because he probably doesn’t notice. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Stephanie McMahon marrying a Justice of the Peace until the Justice ripped his face off to turn into Eric Bischoff, who I guess became the new groom. 3 Minute Warning came in and destroyed the bride. Billy and Chuck are never mentioned.

Bischoff is sitting in the dark to start and says you might know him from shows like Raw and Smackdown. He brings out Rico as the newest member of the Raw roster and gives him a match against Ric Flair as a thank you for last week’s work. Also tonight, the Intercontinental Title and World Title will be on the line because this is the best wrestling show in the world.

Opening sequence.

Here’s HHH for the real opening speech. The champ laughs off the idea that he’s going to lose the title to Rob Van Dam because Van Dam got lucky with one single frog splash. HHH gets sick of the fans booing him but here’s Van Dam to interrupt. Rob talks about all the negative energy coming off HHH which is over all of the cool moves Van Dam does.

That earns Rob the big serious lecture about how HHH uses his anger to keep the World Title where it belongs. Rob is quite taken by the way HHH displays his abilities. No one can deny that HHH can spit some water at another level. HHH calls Rob an underachiever who isn’t going to amount to anything in this business and will never be a World Champion.

Van Dam doesn’t seem to mind because the fans keep chanting for him. HHH misses a swing and gets kicked to the floor to FINALLY wrap this up. This made Van Dam vs. HHH seem more like a joke than a pay per view title match and that’s not good for the first major defense of a new title.

The International Organization of Women is protesting this show.

Ric Flair vs. Rico

Flair trips him to the mat to start and drops the knee for two. A few headlocks have the sideburns all roughed up so he kicks Flair in the chest. Rico runs into the elbow in the corner though and tries to grab a chair, earning himself a suplex. Ric makes the mistake of kicking the chair to the floor and walks into a big spinning kick for the pin (ignore Flair’s hand being on the ropes) and the huge upset.

Rating: D+. Nothing to the match but this is EXACTLY the kind of thing they need to be doing: throw new talent against the wall and see what works. I doubt Rico is going to light the world on fire but it’s better than trotting out the same tired old acts and wondering why none of them work anymore.

Booker isn’t worried about facing Test tonight, even if it’s a French test. Yes he speaks French and promises to pass that test tonight.

The protesters get to the gate but get turned away.

Booker T. vs. Test

During the entrances we hear about Bradshaw tearing his bicep and being put out 4-6 months (it was six, plus three months in OVW). Test jumps him to start as we actually hear about the two of them being former Tag Team Champions. A side slam gets two on Booker and we hit the armbar.

Booker makes his comeback with chops and a very slow motion spinebuster but the ax kick misses. A missile dropkick connects for two and Test gets the same off a pumphandle slam, giving us one heck of a shocked face. Booker uses a hurricanrana of all things to take Test down, setting up the spinning sunset flip out of the corner for the pin.

Rating: C-. Booker winning is the right call as his star continues to rise. Unfortunately it wasn’t the most technically sound match in the world as they looked a bit sloppy out there. Granted most of that is probably on Test whose whole thing was a big boot and pumphandle powerslam. Some of those near falls were good though.

Flair is depressed so here’s HHH (of course) to yell at him and call him pathetic. Ric yells back about how the title should be more important.

The protesters want to talk to Bischoff.

Tag Team Titles: Un-Americans vs. Dudley Boyz

Bubba and Spike are challenging. Storm headlocks Bubba to start as we’re already hearing about tables. A clothesline from the apron puts the champs in control….and Lance goes for a table. Of course it’s too early for that so Lance powerslams Spike for two instead. Some rib work keeps Spike in trouble until he grabs a headscissors. The referee doesn’t see the tag though (I love that spot) and it’s off to a chinlock.

Storm comes back in but eats a dropkick, allowing the hot tag to Bubba. Everything breaks down with Spike playing D-Von on What’s Up, only to have Bubba eat a superkick. The referee checks on him for no apparent reason, leaving Spike to take a double powerbomb through the table. Now the referee checks on Spike so there’s no count off a Bubba Bomb to Christian. With Bubba having to deal with Storm, Christian grabs a rollup to retain.

Rating: C. It was certainly eventful but that doesn’t mean it was the most interesting match in the world. The Un-Americans have hit their ceiling and it’s time for a popular team like Goldust and Booker to get the belts already. When I say “a team like” them, I mean only them as there’s no such thing as a division at this point.

Bischoff gives Chris Jericho the Intercontinental Title match. He’d also be happy to meet with the protesters because he has a few minutes free.

Spike is put on an ambulance when HHH comes up to smirk at Bubba.

Intercontinental Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Chris Jericho

Van Dam is defending and cuts off a running Jericho with a spinwheel kick. In your moment that tells you this show is scripted of the week, JR says that if Bischoff speaks to the protestors, the Women’s Title match is canceled. You know, because we couldn’t possibly have that happen in any other time slot and no two things can happen in the same time frame.

Jericho escapes a catapult but gets dropkicked out of the air for his troubles. The champ takes a bit too long going up top though and gets butterfly superplexed back down for no cover. Instead Jericho starts kicking away at the back, followed by a pair of backbreakers to make it even worse.

It’s off to a bow and arrow submission as Van Dam is bleeding from the mouth. Van Dam quickly escapes and gets two off Rolling Thunder. The stepover kick to the face looks to set up the Five Star but here’s HHH (fourth appearance tonight) so Rob dives onto him instead. The distraction lets Jericho grab the Walls and Rob actually taps to give Jericho the title.

Rating: C+. There wasn’t exactly a ton of heat on this one but it helps set up the pay per view and helps us avoid the almost always stupid champion vs. champion matchup. Van Dam tapping clean(ish) was very surprising but I’ll take it over another rollup or anything like that. Nothing great but at least it advanced the story.

Van Dam takes a Pedigree post match, just in case you thought the new champion should be the focus here.

The protesters get to wait in a room and one is clearly Stephanie in disguise.

Bischoff is going to meet the women but runs into a celebrating Jericho. Chris wants to avenge himself against Ric Flair so Bischoff makes an Intercontinental Title match for Sunday. Jericho is pleased.

William Regal is ready for Kane and has the Un-Americans on standby.

Video on Jeff Hardy.

Kane vs. William Regal

An Un-Americans distraction lets Regal get in a few cheap shots, including a series of forearms in the corner. Kane gets the side slam so Regal goes for the knuckles. Not that it matters as Test comes in to break up the chokeslam for the DQ.

Bubba Ray, Booker T. and Goldust make the post match save. A challenge is issued and accepted for an eight man tag on Sunday.

Bischoff is in the ring and calls the protesters down for a chat. They chant IOW (I’m assuming a National Organization for Women parody) and the spokeswoman complains about Bischoff exploiting women in a variety of ways, capped off by HLA. Now guess what the fans are chanting for. Bischoff thinks everyone in the ring with him is a lesbian and suggests some HLA right now.

That goes nowhere so the one who is clearly Stephanie in disguise reveals herself to be Stephanie in disguise (to be fair they did a decent job at not keeping the camera on her for too long but it was the obvious payoff) by kicking Bischoff low and talking trash. Billy and Chuck hit the ring for a modified Doomsday Device (as opposed to just punching and kicking him a lot) and fight off 3 Minute Warning as the announcers and fans have no idea who to cheer for.

I mean, I guess Bischoff is….or is it Steph…..I really have no idea. Billy and Chuck should be heels for faking the whole wedding and they were invading here but they were beating up the heel who might be a face because Raw and Smackdown apparently have their own sets of fans. It REALLY shouldn’t be this complicated but I’m sure at the end of the day we’re supposed to be cheering for Stephanie and company while forgetting the rest of the story all together.

Post match Bischoff is in pain and suggests an “intercontinental” match for Sunday between the two teams. If Billy and Chuck win, Bischoff will, ahem, kiss up to Stephanie in the middle of the ring. If 3 Minute Warning wins though, Stephanie has to perform HLA. In other words: it’s all about Bischoff and Stephanie, but more Stephanie of course.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. ???

HHH is defending against….someone who will be revealed in a minute as Van Dam comes out and jumps HHH, busting him open before the announcement. Security literally drags Rob away and it’s Jeff Hardy getting the title shot. At least Hardy is smart enough to go straight at the champ while he’s rocked. I wouldn’t have expected that from him.

The legdrop between the legs has HHH in trouble but he shoves Jeff outside to break the momentum. Back in and Jeff goes into the post but comes back with a Twist of Fate and Swanton, only to have HHH get his boot on the ropes. HHH grabs the sleeper to retain the title because he actually sees that as a main event finisher.

Rating: D+. This was just there and there was no drama in the whole thing. Hardy was in over his head and it was a waste of time to have the match wrapping up the show. Of course HHH had to have another segment though and that’s how the show gets to end. I was sick of seeing him about thirty minutes into the show but he gets to put Hardy to sleep after surviving his finisher. What a great guy.

Van Dam comes back for the Five Star to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. The show was going along well enough but that Eric vs. Stephanie segment just crippled anything they had going. It’s forced, it doesn’t make sense and the wrestling is being built around some monsters vs. Billy and Chuck. Other than that there’s the rather uninteresting HHH vs. Van Dam feud which is the first title feud that fills in time with no chance for a title change but we get to sit through it anyway. At least Van Dam will get to put HHH over on Sunday though and that’s the important part.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the History of the WWE’s Big Four Pay Per Views, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/01/27/kbs-reviews-now-available-in-paperback/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: September 12, 2002
Location: Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

TIME FOR A WEDDING! Er, a commitment ceremony! So this time around, WWE has decided to try and run a gay wedding for the sake of publicity, which is exactly what they got from it. Billy and Chuck are becoming “tag team partners for life” here and I’ll give you three guesses how legitimate this is. Let’s get to it.

We open with a wedding invitation because of course we do. Oh and this is the season premiere. So last week’s average show was a season finale? They need to work on this stuff.

Video on Brock Lesnar vs. Undertaker’s confrontation last week.

Opening sequence.

Brock Lesnar vs. Hardcore Holly

Non-title. They slug it out to start with Holly hanging in there until it’s an overhead belly to belly suplex to make things right with the world. A front facelock only seems to annoy Holly and he takes Lesnar outside to turn it into another brawl. Raw power gets Lesnar out of trouble again though as he sends Holly back first into the post and grabs another suplex. The LESNAR chants start up with the announcers mentioning his connections to the state. That’s a simple little save but very helpful to keeping Lesnar looking like a heel.

A delayed vertical suplex sets up a bearhug but Brock charges into some boots in the corner. That earns him a completely botched powerbomb with Holly handing on his head, putting him out of action for over a year. Holly somehow gets in a dropkick and the kick to the ribs, only to eat the F5 for the pin.

Rating: D. Really dull stuff here and that’s not the most surprising thing in the world. What is surprising is seeing Holly popping up and finishing the match despite his neck being destroyed like that. I know he might not be the most popular guy in the world but he’s certainly one of the toughest, which means a lot on its own.

Undertaker and his wife arrive. Uh, didn’t that go badly for Undertaker last time?

Eddie Guerrero/Chavo Guerrero vs. John Cena/Edge

Cena is in Minnesota Vikings colors and it’s a brawl to start with the cousins jumping the makeshift team to start. That earns Eddie a pull of the mullet before Cena spins out of a double top wristlock. Eddie and Chavo beat him down on the floor though and Chavo gets in a very hard clothesline.

Back to back gorilla press slams have Eddie in trouble so he calmly dropkicks the knee out because Cena isn’t ready to take Eddie on yet. The tag brings in Edge to clean house until Chavo crotches him against the post. Eddie runs up the corner for a hurricanrana but the half nelson faceplant is enough for the hot tag to Cena (Fan’s sign: “HOT TAG!”. Eh better than “the guy behind me can’t see”.). Everything breaks down and Edge goes shoulder first into the post. Cena is left all alone to take the brainbuster and frog splash for the pin.

Rating: C+. This worked like you would expect it to but I continue to be confused by Cena. He came in white hot and hit the ground running but then he was losing to D-Von and getting pinned clean in tag matches. As is so often the case, you need more than just a wrestling match to get someone over and the lack of any development is really hurting Cena.

Post match Eddie loads up a Stinkface with Chavo playing Rikishi but Edge breaks it up and puts Eddie’s face in there instead.

As expected, Eddie goes nuts on Chavo post break.

Undertaker says Sara is here because she has family in Minneapolis. Matt Hardy comes in and says he’ll have a kid one day with all his Mattributes. That earns Matt a shove into a wall, earning Undertaker the promise of a Mattitude Adjustment.

Rico can’t get the right figures on top of a cake but needs to talk to Stephanie. She can’t go because she has bad luck at weddings (ok I chuckled at that) but Rico gets close to having a meltdown and talks her into it.

Kurt Angle vs. Rey Mysterio

Kurt thinks it’s funny that we’re in “Mini” and he’s facing Mysterio again. Angle: “You know, mini? He’s short. Oh come on that’s funny.” Angle doesn’t want to hear Chris Benoit laughing at him anymore either but jumps back to Mysterio, who is a boy in a man’s world. Kurt: “And I’m a man who loves to play with boys. Wait! I meant to say you’re a boy and I’m a man and tonight I’m going to manhandle you!” If that’s not enough comedy for you, the announcers spend Mysterio’s entrance talking about how the wedding isn’t for ratings and Bischoff used HLA to catch up with Smackdown’s quality.

Some early suplexes have Rey in trouble so he speeds things up (makes sense) with a headscissors. Angle goes shoulder first into the post and a springboard moonsault gets two. A frustrated Kurt flips Rey upside down with a release German suplex and things get more into Kurt’s pace.

We hit the bodyscissors to keep Rey down, followed by some rolling German suplexes to make things even worse. Rey fights right back with a moonsault press and a crossbody to put Angle on the floor. The 619 looks to set up the West Coast Pop but Kurt has to settle for a regular hurricanrana for a close two. Rey takes a bit too long going up though and the corner running Angle Slam puts him away.

Rating: B+. For a TV match, this was absolutely great stuff. These two always have chemistry together, but to be fair that’s the case with almost anyone Angle faces. He’s the kind of guy who can have a good match against anyone and it made for an entertaining match here. Really strong match and that shouldn’t be a surprise in the slightest.

Someone from the wedding party arrives in a long black limousine.

Chris Benoit vs. Rikishi

Rikishi slugs away to start and grabs a sitout spinebuster for no cover. Instead Rikishi gets kicked low and chopped down but the Crossface can’t go on full. Rikishi fights up and tries the Rump Shaker, only to get caught in a rather impressive electric chair drop. The Swan Dive is loaded up but here’s Angle to shove Benoit off the top for the DQ.

Rating: D. So you remember how I said Angle can work well with anyone? Well that’s not the case with Rikishi, who just has no place at this level and everyone knows it. I really have no idea why he’s here, especially when there are a lot of people ready to be raised up to get a shot like this. Orton and Cena are reduced to jobbing roles but Rikishi can be pushed this hard?

Post match Angle holds Benoit in place for the Stinkface.

The wedding ceremony is being set up so Benoit spends the time getting a match with Angle at Unforgiven. Stephanie agrees as Matt comes in and gets a match with Undertaker tonight.

Here’s Rico to complain about how the ceremony isn’t what he ordered, including a very old Justice of the Peace. The singers belt out It’s Raining Men to bring Billy and Chuck to the ring (edited off the Network of course, making for a very awkward transition) and the old man dances. With the Justice’s hands shaking, Chuck talks about how he didn’t know much about Billy when they met.

Billy might have captured a lot of tag team gold but now he’s captured Chuck’s heart. Billy: “That was corny! Even for you!” Rings are exchanged and Rico is all aglow. Rico presents a video called Our Love Story with various comedic/romantic moments between the two of them which is so cheesy it almost works in a way.

We get the speak now line and here’s Godfather with the ladies. Godfather knows Billy has some pimp in him and Chuck was a great skirt chaser, especially with the heftier ladies. Rico will have none of this and dismisses the “Good Time Girls” so the ceremony can continue. Anyway, Billy says yes and Chuck does the same, albeit with some cold feet.

The Justice of the Peace almost pronounces them as married but Chuck says hang on because this was a publicity stunt that got WAY out of hand. Billy flat out says they’re not gay but they have no problem with gay people. Rico loses it but the Justice of the Peace says this is the kind of love that can go on for fifty years, sixteen months…..or three minutes.

The shaking stops and the voice changes with the old man ripping off the prosthetic makeup to reveal Eric Bischoff. I know you can tell it a lot better now with the voice but this COMPLETELY got me back in the day and was one of the best surprises I had ever seen. 3 Minute Warning comes in for the beatdown with Bischoff holding Stephanie back.

Stephanie takes a Samoan drop (BIG pop for that) and I’m sure that’s going to warrant another year of her glorious presence on TV. Edge, Cena and Mysterio come in for the save. The rest of the locker room comes out as well because WE ALL LOVE STEPHANIE and Smackdown is awesome and such.

This one deserves a few notes. First of all, we come back from a break with a listen to the Unforgiven theme song: Adrenaline by Gavin Rossdale, featuring the line “Nobody said this stuff makes any sense.” Well of course it doesn’t. It’s a wrestling angle mainly focusing on the bosses.

That’s the next important note: the recap focuses almost ENTIRELY on Bischoff and Stephanie with the whole wedding, Billy and Chuck, Rico and 3 Minute Warning and anything else being forgotten because we need a long look at how stunned Stephanie was. I know it was shocking, but there were more people there than just Stephanie.

Third, this whole “WE’RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER” stuff didn’t work for WCW and it didn’t work in the Invasion so it’s not going to work here. We just watched Edge shove Eddie’s face into a rather unpleasant area of Chavo’s body but OH NO STEPHANIE IS IN TROUBLE so they’ll band together to help save her? Get out of here with that nonsense. It’s way too much to accept and it’s all for the sake of pushing Raw vs. Smackdown which wasn’t interesting in the first place and still isn’t here.

Finally, I have to mention GLAAD (a gay rights group) completely buying into the story and actually sending a wedding present (it was a gravy boat). After it was revealed to be a ruse, GLAAD ripped WWE apart, all while people were laughing at them for somehow trusting a PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING ANGLE to be on the up and up. That always gave me a good chuckle and I really don’t feel a bit sorry for them looking stupid. Think this stuff through.

Nidia vs. Torrie Wilson

It’s a brawl on the floor to start with Torrie getting in a few chops to take over. The announcers talk about the wedding shenanigans and for once it’s acceptable given how big (albeit stupid) that angle was. Nidia charge into the buckle and gets caught with a neckbreaker for the fast pin.

Undertaker tells Sara this won’t take long.

Matt recruits Brock to be at ringside with him.

Undertaker vs. Matt Hardy

Lesnar and Heyman are at ringside too. Heyman immediately starts running around the ring and throws a chair in with Tazz blaming Stacker 2 (sponsor) for all the energy. Undertaker will have none of this and grabs a powerslam to plant Hardy. Heyman gets ejected and the distraction lets Hardy get in a low blow.

A quick clothesline from Brock puts Undertaker down again and that’s a second ejection. As you probably guessed, Undertaker shrugs it off and beats the heck out of Matt but Heyman shows up in Sara’s locker room. Undertaker runs off for the save (thankfully without an awkward stare at the screen) and the no contest.

Rating: D. This was an excuse to get to the ending and there’s nothing wrong with that. They didn’t exactly hide what they were going for with Sara being shown right before the match and that’s how it should have gone. I’ll even give them points for Hardy not losing, which really is kind of a surprise.

Undertaker charges to the back and chokes Heyman but takes a chair to the head from Lesnar. Brock puts his hand on Sara’s pregnant stomach to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. The wedding sent this one flying off a cliff and there wasn’t enough time to recover. That twenty minute segment sucked the life out of the place and that’s not good considering how big of a deal this was supposed to be. I really don’t know how much longer they can keep up this Stephanie vs. Eric stuff but knowing WWE, I’d put a low estimate at about six months minimum with the audience’s level of interest having no impact whatsoever.

The rest of the show was up and down as well but that Angle vs. Mysterio match is worth checking out. I had a good time with some of it but so much of the show was built around one really bad idea that it’s hard to give it the benefit of the doubt. Unforgiven is getting one of the worst builds to a pay per view I’ve seen in a long time and that’s not good, especially after a classic like Summerslam.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the History of the WWE’s Big Four Pay Per Views, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: September 9, 2002
Location: Hilton Coliseum, Ames, Iowa
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

So there’s a new World Champion and that means we get to hear about how amazing HHH really is. That’s been the case around here for a long time but you can feel it cranking into a much higher level around this point. We’re a few weeks away from Unforgiven and the only match that seems to be coming up is HHH vs. Rob Van Dam for the title. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Tag Team Titles: Un-Americans vs. Kane/Bradshaw

Lance Storm and Christian are defending after another failed flag burning last week. After the standard AMERICA ROCKS speech from Bradshaw, the brawl is on in a hurry. Bradshaw shoulders Storm all the way out to the floor and it’s off to Kane for some right hands of his own. Christian comes in and takes just as much of a beating as this is one sided, just as it probably should be to start.

Kane’s side slam gets two on Christian but a Canadian crotching against the post lets the champs take over for the first time. Ah so it’s one of those matches where low blows work on Kane. You never know how that’s going to work. The fans think Canada sucks (racists) but a hot tag to Bradshaw makes them a bit happier.

House is cleaned with one heck of a powerbomb on Christian and Kane’s top rope clothesline to Storm. The ref gets bumped though and here’s Test with the big boot to Kane. Bradshaw makes the save but William Regal comes in to knock him out with the Power of the Punch, giving Christian the pin to retain.

Rating: C+. This was better than it had any right to be but the ending really dragged it down a bit. They didn’t need to have new champions here but just have Regal or Test instead of both of them. I was surprised by the action here though and that’s how Raw should start: a fun match instead of a long talking segment.

Speaking of a talking segment, here’s Eric Bischoff to announce a four way for the #1 contendership with Jeff Hardy vs. Big Show vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Chris Jericho. That brings us to Smackdown and Stephanie (you knew that was coming) with this week’s commitment ceremony getting publicity in the New York Times, the New York Post and ESPN. Bischoff has his own idea though: HLA, Hot Lesbian Action. As my head hurts, I can kind of appreciate them for not hiding what they’re going for. They’re just flat out admitting that the women are sex objects, which I can take over a horrible attempt at “wrestling”.

Chris Jericho eats an apple and says he has a plan to get the World Title back. This means apple being spit on Terri.

HHH doesn’t care who he faces for the title at the pay per view. Cue Bubba Ray Dudley to accuse HHH of being a coward and can’t wait to see HHH vs. Spike Dudley tonight. Steven Richards, Bubba’s opponent for tonight, jumps him from behind as I wonder why Bubba is the one getting this push.

Terri and Trish Stratus walk past the lesbians’ dressing room, which has an actual “LESBIANS” sign on the door. They’re not exactly subtle here.

Bubba Ray Dudley vs. Steven Richards

Bubba charges down the ramp to jump him from behind and it’s time for some early elbow drops. The fans want tables as Lawler plays Who’s The Lesbian. Richards comes back with a forearm and a swinging neckbreaker, only to have Bubba hit a surprisingly good looking sunset flip for two of his own. The Flip, Flop and Fly actually gets Jerry’s mind off the lesbians for a change but Richards gets two off a superkick (and a very strong pop). Steven breaks up a super Bubba Bomb but can’t get out of a super sitout powerbomb for the pin.

Rating: C-. This was a bit more energetic than I was expecting and that finish looked great. That being said, I’m not sure I can get behind the idea of a Bubba vs. HHH match. I know they’re building Bubba up fairly well but that doesn’t mean I want to see him have some long match way above his talent range. Just stop doing things that you aren’t ready to pull off, like separate titles.

Victoria/Stacy Keibler vs. Terri/Trish Stratus

Stacy, in black shorts and a matching tied off top, sends Lawler even further over the edge. Terri and Stacy catfight to the floor and it’s time for a lot of slapping. Lawler: “Oh they like it rough.” Victoria and Terri (oh dear) start things off with Terri getting slammed for an elbow drop. Stacy does her long legged choke in the corner as Lawler has binoculars. JR has just about had it here and I can’t say I blame him.

Terri slips out of an over the shoulder backbreaker and some heel miscommunication goes nowhere because Terri isn’t smart enough to make a hot tag. Thankfully it’s off to Trish thanks to a missed moonsault so we actually get a little wrestling. It’s back to Stacy for the awkward looking kicks but Trish easily knocks them both silly. Terri hits a high crossbody to put Stacy away.

Rating: D-. What exactly is there to say here? The wrestling only existed when Trish and Victoria were in there, which of course was the smallest percentage of the match. I can’t stand this nonsense and it’s not fair to people who have the ability to work a decent match. Why do we need Stacy and Terri in there other than for eye candy? I mean…..I just answered my own question.

Jerry is disappointed in the lack of HLA and you can hear JR getting more and more annoyed.

Regal dumps Christopher Nowinski to join the Un-Americans. Chris talks about HLA and Regal slaps him in the face because Chris is an embarrassment. Preach it brother.

Here’s Nowinski with something to say, including a few jabs at Iowa State’s football team. Back at Harvard they have a chant: “Five, ten, fifteen bucks. We’ll own the company, you’ll drive the trucks.” Cue Tommy Dreamer with offers of Singapore cane shots, triggering a brawl with Dreamer getting the better of it. Nothing to see here though Nowinski was kind of funny.

Spike runs into the Lesbians and really doesn’t care. Again I say, preach it brother.

HHH vs. Spike Dudley

Non-title. Spike wants nothing to do with a handshake and it’s time to fight over wrist control. A rollup annoys HHH so he slaps Spike in the face. Spike slaps him right back so Lawler calls him a pervert. Those running forearms drop HHH as you can feel the attempts at HHH vs. Taka Michinoku from 2000.

Back in and Spike charges into a boot, followed by a few backbreakers. The third is countered into a headscissors though and Spike hits a dive to the floor. Back in again and HHH clotheslines him out of the air with Lawler blaming thoughts of hot lesbian action for Spike’s issues. The Pedigree gets no cover so Spike gets in a low blow, followed by the Dudley Dog for two. Another Dudley Dog is blocked though and HHH grabs a sleeper of all things for the win, drawing a weird face pop in the process.

Rating: D+. They tried here but there’s only so much that can be done with Spike Dudley vs. the World Champion. On top of that, what in the world was the point in finishing with a sleeper? Are we really supposed to buy the idea of a sleeper as a main event finisher? I know HHH fancies himself as a huge old school style star but come on now.

HHH keeps stomping until Bubba comes out for the save.

Jeff Hardy is talking about his main event tonight when he sees Bischoff and goes to yell about next week. Why Jeff just suddenly saw him when it looks like Bischoff has been standing there for awhile and Jeff was looking in the same direction the whole time isn’t clear. Jeff threatens violence if there’s another 3 Minute Warning.

Chris Jericho offers Big Show a deal and leaves. Johnny the Bull of all people comes in and hears about Jericho’s offer of an alliance, complete with the statistics to go with it. Johnny thinks it’s a good idea and gets thrown into a chair.

Booker is ready to face the Un-Americans tonight when Goldust comes up wearing a Kane mask. Of course the real Kane comes up and comedy ensues. Since it’s Booker and Goldust though, it’s actually funny. Bradshaw comes up and tells them to go beat up the Un-Americans, but first let’s watch the HLA. Goldust is aghast but Kane says he’ll go.

Booker T./Goldust vs. William Regal/Test

Test knocks Booker into the corner to start so it’s off to Goldust for a hip attack on Regal. That’s about it for the offense as Test stomps Goldust down in the corner before Regal adds in a few knee shots to the head. Goldust’s clothesline allows the hot tag off to Booker for the house cleaning. Everything breaks down and Regal gets in the Power of the Punch, only to have Kane and Bradshaw come in for the DQ.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here but I’m sure the fans will have fun chanting USA for most of the time. Despite not being the strongest team in the world, the Un-Americans will be fine enough for a midcard act for the next few months. I’m not sure if Bradshaw and Kane are the best options for opponents but at least we’re getting some entertaining promos.

It’s HLA time with Bischoff moderating. Bad acting ensues, there’s a bit of stripping and a kiss before 3 Minute Warning comes in for the obvious finish. So to clarify: Bischoff teasing us with HLA is a heel move but Stephanie not delivering a fake gay wedding is going to make her the big face. That’s how WWE works here and it’s really rather confusing.

Ric Flair gives Rob Van Dam a pep talk.

Rob Van Dam vs. Big Show vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Chris Jericho

Non-title and under elimination rules. Show beats on Van Dam in the corner to start while Jeff is backdropped to the floor. Poetry in Motion fails completely and Show tosses Van Dam down as well. Back in and Rob teams up with Jeff to put Show down but the Swanton only gets two.

Rolling Thunder gets the same with Rob being launched onto the referee. Jericho cleans house with a chair but Show takes it away and Jericho teases getting hit….for a DQ. You mean Big Show can’t take a Swanton for a pin in a nothing four way elimination match and has to get disqualified instead? Seriously?

We take a break and come back with Van Dam diving onto Jericho, followed by Hardy running the barricade for the double clothesline. A double springboard moonsault gets two on Chris and a double superplex makes it even worse for him. The good guys follow it up with a double springboard leg lariat to put Chris outside. With the Canadian gone, Van Dam DDT’s Jeff for two but Jericho breaks up the Swanton and steals the pin.

Van Dam is right back up with a spinning kick to Jericho’s face but he gets caught in one heck of a release German suplex. Back up and Jericho posts himself in the corner but manages to remove a turnbuckle pad. Rolling Thunder hits knees to give Chris two more and the Lionsault is good for yet another near fall. Cue HHH to watch as Van Dam sends Chris into the buckle and drops the Five Star to go to Unforgiven.

Rating: B. It’s like Wrestlemania XVI all over again: once you get rid of Big Show, the match gets a lot better in a hurry. The key thing here is Van Dam winning as he was supposed to and getting the pin for the final victory. It makes him look like a bigger deal because just being the Intercontinental Champion doesn’t mean much around here. I mean, was his title pulled out of a briefcase just a week ago?

Overall Rating: D+. While the main event is good, it’s not enough to pull a lot of this show up out of the muck. As usual, the biggest problem around here is the one joke dominating the whole thing. That HLA segment was as pandering as you could get and that’s not the way I like my wrestling shows. There’s some good stuff here but the big problems are too much for it to overcome.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the History of the WWE’s Big Four Pay Per Views, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Smackdown
Date: September 5, 2002
Location: Resch Center Arena, Green Bay, Wisconsin
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s hard to say what to expect here but hopefully it’s another rocking tag match with some talented people getting to show what they can do instead of jobbing to Undertaker after a former World Champion’s finisher doesn’t have much of an effect. Oh and we get the debut of Crash Holly for reasons I don’t even want to think about. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week, which somehow gets to be narrated by Stephanie. Dang they’re getting right to the point this week. Anyway, Undertaker is challenging Brock Lesnar at Unforgiven.

Opening sequence.

Billy vs. Rey Mysterio

A very early Rico distraction (those sideburns are mesmerizing) lets Billy jump Rey and choke in the corner. The tilt-a-whirl powerslam plants Rey and Tazz makes gay jokes. Rey gets in his first offense with a dropkick to the knee so Billy clotheslines his head off, making sure that Mysterio has nothing of note so far. Rico cheats a bit more so the fans are all over him, making Rico the best thing about the match so far. More shots to the back keep Rey in trouble but a springboard dropkick sets up the 619 with Chuck making the save. That means Billy gets to work Rey over even more until Mysterio gets a fluke cradle for the pin.

Rating: D. So Mysterio can go move for move with Kurt Angle in a classic but can barely get in a dropkick on Billy Gunn of all people? This is almost entirely on Billy as he just wasn’t giving Rey anything to work with and it showed horribly. It’s ok to let Mysterio get in a little offense, get taken down, let the comeback go on for a bit and have the co-villains cheat so Rey can do the big comeback at the end. It’s called having a match with a story but this was all about Billy working Rey over without much effort.

Post match Rico tells Chuck it’s time….and he proposes to Billy because he wants to be tag team partners for life. Note that the word “marry”, “husband” or “I love you” are never mentioned. Billy says yes and hugging ensues.

Cruiserweight Title: Jamie Noble vs. Shannon Moore

Shannon is challenging after pinning Jamie in some recent tag matches. The battle of wristlockery start things off until Shannon armdrags him down. Nidia grabs a leg but Shannon dropkicks the champ to the floor anyway. Back in and a harder clothesline than you would expect from a cruiserweight match puts Shannon back down and a belly to back gets two.

Of course the fans would rather talk about Nidia’s puppies because Raw featured a match talking about Molly Holly’s hymen, meaning you can’t quite blame them at this point. That’s what WWE has deemed acceptable from its employees so don’t act surprised when no one cares about your matches as a result. Moore elbows him in the jaw and gets a near fall of his own off a neckbreaker. A Whisper in the Wind gets the same but Jamie counters a hurricanrana with a powerbomb. The Tiger Bomb retains the title.

Rating: C+. Good match here but the fans didn’t care because WWE has given us no reason to care about them. Just because there’s good wrestling out there, no one is going to notice because WWE has made us care more about the women at ringside. I’m not sure what it means that Nidia is possibly treated with more respect than the women on Raw but it seems to be the case.

Paul Heyman is hyping Brock Lesnar up for his match with Randy Orton when Randy comes up and says absolutely nothing of note.

Edge and Rikishi are ready for a six man tag later and Rikishi actually tries to explain how the Stinkface is a symbol or something. Piece of the Kish still isn’t a good catchphrase.

Brock Lesnar vs. Randy Orton

Non-title and one of those matches that would be totally different just a few years later. Also Lesnar is now WWE Champion instead of Undisputed Champion as continuity takes another hit for the sake of pulling a title out of a briefcase. Orton charges straight at him and actually gets two off a rollup. That just means an overhead belly to belly though and Brock is already smiling.

Brock throws him over the top and hits an STO back inside. He throws Orton onto his shoulders and drives Randy back first into the buckle over and over as this is a total squash. Heyman: “HE WANTS THIS!” A dropkick to the ribs staggers Lesnar and Orton gets in the backbreaker. For reasons of general stupidity, he heads up top for the high crossbody but gets rolled through into the F5 for the pin.

Rating: C-. Is there something in the water over on Monday Night Raw? You can have Brock roll through people like this on Smackdown but Raw’s big solution is to have him sell for people and need Heyman to save him all the time? Ever since he’s gone to Smackdown he’s been treated like the monster he’s supposed to be and it’s made him a hundred times more interesting.

Mark Henry congratulates Billy and Chuck.

Crash signs his contract and thanks Stephanie when D-Von comes in. The Reverend is upset about Billy and Chuck but again we never heard the word wedding or marriage. He talks about how immoral is it but OF COURSE Stephanie cuts him off for not showing her enough respect. The ceremony is next week, D-Von faces Batista later and just in case you forgot, Stephanie is the most amazing and intimidating person ever.

Tajiri vs. Mark Henry

Tajiri’s kicks and strikes have the effect you would expect them to have and it’s time for the slow beating. The handspring elbow is knocked out of the air and Tajiri’s sunset flip has no effect at all. A running dropkick to the head works a bit better but Henry shrugs it off and powerslams him for the pin.

Rating: D. Hey, did you know that Henry is really strong? Like, REALLY strong? To the point that he can bend frying pans and is barely hurt by someone kicking him really hard in the head? I’m still not sure who is supposed to be impressed by Henry squashing a member of the cruiserweight division, which is often treated as a bunch of second class citizens in the first place.

Stephanie moderates a sitdown interview (in the back without much light) between Undertaker and Lesnar. After making it clear that they’re both EXCLUSIVE to Smackdown, she throws it to Brock who lists off his career accomplishments. Undertaker laughs off the idea of a young pup like Brock beating him because no one has ever taken Brock where Undertaker is taking him. Undertaker promises to beat Brock up for the first time but Heyman makes it personal by bringing up Undertaker’s wife Sara being pregnant.

If anything happens to Undertaker, he’ll take care of Sara but not the unborn child. The table it turned over and nothing happens. This was WAY too long and it really didn’t make me want to see the match any more than I already did. Granted I checked out when Stephanie started talking about how this was a Smackdown exclusive because it might be the least important detail since….oh whatever the name of whatever award/honor Stephanie has most recently won.

Reverend D-Von vs. Batista

Batista has what would be his theme song for years and the red trunks instead of the gray one he had been wearing. D-Von jumps him to start and gets in a quick chair shot, only to take a Batista Bomb for the pin in a minute and a half. The man that pinned John Cena clean last week everyone!

Nidia talks about the wedding next week (using the word for the first time) and asks Jamie if they’ll get married one day. Jamie hugs her and panics.

Matt Hardy brags about going toe to toe with Brock but Shannon isn’t all that impressed. Hardcore Holly, Matt’s opponent tonight, wants to know where the footage of Matt losing has gotten to.

Eddie Guerrero and Kurt Angle are ready for their six man tag tonight. Angle is annoyed at Benoit for costing him the #1 contendership so Benoit comes in and we have a staredown.

Matt Hardy vs. Hardcore Holly

They trade rollups for two to start before opting to just punch each other in the face. Tazz would rather talk about cheese jokes (Wisconsin remember.) as Holly gets two off a belly to back suplex. A backbreaker sets up a belly to back superplex, only to have Matt knock him away and get two off a moonsault press. The Side Effect gets the same but Holly gets two of his own with a powerbomb. Neither finisher can hit so Hardy grabs a rollup, only to be reversed into another one with Holly grabbing the tights for the pin.

Rating: C+. Surprisingly good match here but I’m not sure I get the point of having Matt lose over and over when he’s getting a push with the Shannon Moore stuff. Holly isn’t great but at least he’s good for a watchable match. Matt can play the heck out of these over the top characters with huge egos and that’s what we’re getting with the Mattitude stuff.

Rico doesn’t have time to talk because he has wedding plans to set up. He’s going to be Billy’s best man.

Crash vs. Hurricane

They circle each other to start until Hurricane puts him in a Tree of Woe for a good crotching. The high crossbody gets two on Crash, followed by the Eye of the Hurricane for the same. Holly misses a charge into the post and takes a super swinging neckbreaker (that’s always looked cool) to put both guys down. The chokeslam is countered into a rollup so Crash can impress Stephanie or whatever.

Rating: D+. So now we’re to the point where we’re jobbing talented guys like the Hurricane to validate Stephanie’s investments? This is a situation where it would have been better to just have Crash show up on Smackdown one night and say he changed brands off camera. There was no need to make this a story other than for the sake of more Stephanie vs. Bischoff nonsense.

Edge/Undertaker/Rikishi vs. Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit/Eddie Guerrero

These are the six people from the series of matches last weeks if the reasoning isn’t clear. Rikishi and Angle gets things going and I’ll spare you the normal “why is Rikishi here” question. Thankfully it’s quickly off to Undertaker for a big boot but it’s way too early for a chokeslam. Instead Benoit comes in and kicks away in the corner, only to get tossed into the corner for his efforts.

Rikishi comes back in to far too strong of a pop and gives Benoit a sitout Rock Bottom before throwing him into Angle. Edge gets a slightly weaker pop as he goes after Eddie, who takes over off the strength of some double teaming. The heels keep Edge in trouble with the rapid tags and it’s Angle grabbing a chinlock.

An Edgecution gets Edge out of trouble and the hot tag brings in Undertaker to clean house. Rikishi gets in a belly to belly on Angle and superkicks Benoit, leaving Angle to take the Stinkface. Angle and Benoit have a quick collision so Chris puts him in the Crossface. Eddie is furious….and surrounded. The OH NO look on Eddie’s face when he realizes what’s going on is perfect and his trying to chill with Rikishi is even better. The spear sets up Eddie’s face being shoved into the thong, followed by a chokeslam for the pin.

Rating: C+. If you put Rikishi in some tights or even regular trunks, this doesn’t feel nearly as awkward. They did their thing here with the villains looking slightly more inept than they should. Benoit vs. Angle should be fun but that doesn’t make for the best tag match in the world. Edge has kind of fallen through the cracks in recent weeks and his feud with Eddie needs a boost as they barely interact directly.

Overall Rating: D+. This depends on what you find more important. The wrestling is a little better this week but the booking is atrocious, with things like Crash Holly getting a story, Billy and Chuck’s impending shenanigans, John Cena being sacrificed to D-Von of all people and Hardcore Holly beating Matt Hardy. There’s so much that can be great around here but as usual, WWE seems more interested in doing the least logical and interesting things as possible.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the History of the WWE’s Big Four Pay Per Views, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: September 2, 2002
Location: Bradley Center, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

So uh, we don’t have a World Champion around here anymore because Brock Lesnar is the second latest casualty of the Brand Wars. The latest casualty is the Undertaker, who went back to Smackdown when Stephanie basically just told him to come because that’s how this era works. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Eric Bischoff to open things up and he’s got a briefcase. Bischoff gets right to the point: Raw needs a champion so here’s the REAL #1 contender: HHH. Eric praises HHH by saying WCW would have won the Monday Night Wars with HHH on their side. HHH takes credit for running Lesnar off and says his wife knew what was best for the company (Wouldn’t that be signing HHH?).

It’s time for the briefcase which contains the Big Gold Belt because HHH is the brand new World Heavyweight Champion (Thereby beginning its lineage. I’ve heard people say it’s the same lineage as the WCW and/or NWA World Titles and it’s still nonsense. This belt began here and that’s all there is to it.).

HHH starts in on the big speech and here’s Ric Flair to cut him off. No one ever handed him a title in a briefcase (True. When Kevin Nash literally gave him the title for reign #16, there was no briefcase involved.) so Flair thinks he should get a title shot tonight. Bischoff makes the match and both guys say it’s going to be an honor. Are we in TNA all of a sudden? HHH gets in a cheap shot before leaving.

Post break, HHH and Bubba Ray Dudley run into each other and Bubba is declared jealous. HHH talks about how Bubba could be champion one day. Bubba isn’t pleased and calls the belt Raw’s salvation before saying he’ll win the title soon enough. Uh, right.

Bubba Ray Dudley/Trish Stratus vs. Molly Holly/Christopher Nowinski

Tables match. Earlier today, Chris said that after their opponents are put through tables, he’ll burst through something else. I’ll quote the following line: “And by that, I mean Molly’s hymen.” What is with these disturbing stories involving Molly? First she’s fat (not really but whatever), then she’s horrible because she’s a virgin and now it’s about taking her virginity. I know they need characters but this is ridiculous.

The guys start with Nowinski actually taking over before it’s off to Molly. That means a failed powerbomb attempt as Molly grabs a waistlock. King: “What’s that? The hymen maneuver?” It leads to some dancing as Molly’s pointless humiliation continues. I speak too soon as Bully takes her pants down (King: “IS THAT HER HYMEN???”), allowing Trish to get in a few spanks.

A WE WANT PUPPIES chant starts up as Molly gets in a neckbreaker, only to have Trish grab her own to put both women down. Bubba comes in and cleans Nowinski’s clock, giving us the “Chris falls into Molly’s crotch” spot. Chris takes What’s Up and it’s finally table time. The Molly Go Round drops Trish but Bubba saves her from the table. Nowinski misses a splash to drive himself through a table and that counts as an elimination, likely as the referee wants this to end. Molly is sent through to finally end this.

Rating: No. In every possible sense of the word, no. This wasn’t funny, this wasn’t amusing, this wasn’t something that belongs on any wrestling show ever. Just imagine someone saying ANY of these jokes on a wrestling show today and think how long they would last before being fired. This was horrible and I feel so sorry for Molly having to deal with this nonsense.

Christian and Lance Storm don’t think much of American pride or Kane for that matter either. Storm laughs off the idea of such a fat country celebrating Labor Day. Test teases more flag burning.

Bischoff gives Terri and Stacy a lingerie pillow fight. Eric gets a preview of their attire and makes various jokes.

Chris Jericho yells at Flair for getting the title shot but Ric brings up Jericho tapping out at Summerslam. Jericho hopes Flair wins so he can get the title back. These two have good chemistry together.

William Regal vs. Booker T.

Regal slugs away to start but King wants to talk about the pillow fight. Booker’s right hands don’t have much effect as Regal knocks him to the floor. Back in and the Regal Cutter gets two, only to get caught by Booker’s collection of kicks for the pin.

Rating: D+. Well…it could have been worse. The problem here is that there’s no real reason to have the match but at least the right guy won. Regal hasn’t been doing anything of note in recent weeks but Booker is getting more and more over every week. I mean, it would be nice if they went somewhere with that (say, across a few continents, like something INTERCONTINENTAL, but that’s just nonsense of course) but for now it’s just Spinaroonis all around.

Booker does the Spinarooni.

We look back at Shawn Michaels winning at Summerslam but getting attacked by HHH.

Shawn is in a wheelchair and doesn’t know if he’ll ever get his mobility back (though he does have feeling in his legs). What he does know is that it was all worth it and as far as HHH goes, what goes around comes around. Shawn picks up a sledgehammer and stares.

HHH is rubbing the title and smiling way too much.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Ric Flair

HHH is defending of course. Flair quickly takes him down so we can hit the technical sequence. One heck of a chop sends HHH to the floor before it’s time to work on the arm for a bit. The technical, which means boring here, pace continues as HHH stomps in the corner and whips Flair over the corner and out to the floor.

HHH cranks up the speed with a suplex so Flair gives him a belly to back version. The kneedrop misses and HHH very, VERY slowly starts working on it but makes sure to walk around a bit in between. The Figure Four is countered into a small package for two on HHH, followed by an Irish whip into a chop. I’m still waiting on them to top that suplex.

A very basic whip into the corner sets up a way too big bump over the corner to send HHH to the floor. Back in and the shinbreaker sets up the Figure Four but HHH makes the ropes. The referee is sent to the floor, low blow, Pedigree and the title is retained. It’s as sudden as it sounds.

Rating: D-. I can accept the idea of a slower paced match but this felt like two seventy year olds who were on a reunion show. I’m sure HHH had a blast wrestling a rather old school style match against Flair but isn’t one big present enough in one night? HHH can be entertaining but this was taking everything that made him work (as a heel that is) and putting it in slow motion.

Post match Jericho comes out to put Flair in the Walls but Rob Van Dam makes a save.

Big Show yells at Bischoff, demanding to be #1 contender. Bischoff says go impress him and Show leaves. Eric gets a call and yells in his exposition voice that someone is jumping from Raw to join a family member on Smackdown.

Kane vs. Lance Storm/Christian

Kane shrugs off a double team and throws Storm at Christian for the early advantage. The slow (WAY too common of a theme tonight) pace begins again with Kane getting beaten down in the corner, allowing some cheap double teaming to put him down for two. The Unprettier is broken up and an electric chair puts Christian down. Kane’s comeback is cut off by even more double teaming as this is just BORING. How can you have three talented guys putting on such an uninteresting match? Storm superkicks Christian by mistake and it’s a chokeslam for the pin.

Rating: D. The Tag Team Champions, as in the ONLY Tag Team Champions in the company, just got beat clean in less than six minutes by someone who hasn’t had a match in four months. Normally I would call this an issue of the era but champions losing will always be an issue in WWE.

Post match Test tries to burn the flag but Bradshaw returns for the save. Oh. Great.

Big Show vs. Tommy Dreamer

Show throws him around with ease, then throws him around with no effort, followed by throwing him around like he’s nothing. The referee tells him not to use a chair though so Dreamer uses it and Show wins via DQ.

Dreamer beats the heck out of Show because we’re to the point where TOMMY DREAMER might be an option.

HHH wants to fight RVD tonight (HHH? Wanting to have three major segments on one show? You don’t say!) so Bischoff makes a tag with HHH/Jericho vs. Flair/Van Dam. At least Jericho and HHH argue to keep up some continuity.

Jeff Hardy vs. Crash

…..Crash is the one jumping isn’t he? This show has been so bad and so dull that it would be the only possible choice. Bischoff comes out before the bell and accuses Jeff of being the jumper so he sends out 3 Minute Warning for the big beatdown.

Jeff gets destroyed and OF COURSE CRASH IS THE ONE LEAVING. Bischoff is shocked because someone whose last (non-instant Hardcore Title match) win on Raw was in June 2001 is jumping to Raw.

Stacy Keibler vs. Terri

There’s a carpet, bed and pillows in the ring with Jerry Lawler doing running commentary. There’s spanking, stuffed animals, a slam onto a bed, a Bronco Buster and a rollup gives Terri the pin in less than two minutes. Holy sweet goodness END THIS SHOW ALREADY.

Post match Stacy hits her with a loaded pillow and covers her with a bucket of oil, which just happened to be underneath the ring. Feathering ensues. I’m so glad they had Stacy stop being the sexy assistant (as in the role she was born to play) to be….whatever this is.

HHH/Chris Jericho vs. Rob Van Dam/Ric Flair

Van Dam goes after the heels before Flair can come out for no apparent reason, meaning Ric gets to make the save. We settle down to Jericho suplexing Van Dam for two so Lawler starts talking about the hymen again. Flair struts in as we hit the WOO before Jericho easily drops him. HHH gets in some right hands of his own but Jericho crotches himself, allowing the hot tag off to Van Dam.

One heck of a chair shot drops Rob but the fans are too busy chanting FOZZY SUCKS. Van Dam takes every main event tag team beating that you’ve ever seen in about three minutes until HHH throws Flair to the floor. Rob comes back with a few kicks to HHH but Jericho breaks up the Five Star. The Lionsault gives HHH two and Flair puts Jericho in the Figure Four on the outside. That allows HHH to bring in the title and very blatantly hold it up for the Van Daminator. The Five Star puts HHH away.

Rating: D+. See? He puts people over! All it took was a belt shot and Van Dam being fresh while HHH was in his second match. The match wasn’t half bad actually and sets up the title shot, but it’s WAY too late to save this show, especially with a match that wasn’t all that great in the first place.

Overall Rating: F. This was horrible and I have no idea how else to describe it. Between making jokes about taking Molly’s virginity and King going on and on about her various body parts to HHH taking his sweet time getting the World Title to the AWFUL Flair vs. HHH match to the pillow fight to a story about Crash freaking Holly (good thing he was on the show tonight) to the Tag Team Champions doing a clean job, I can’t think of a single good thing on this show. I’ll give Bischoff this much: I feel like I’m watching Nitro more and more every single week.

This show got as close to breaking me as anything has in a good while. It felt like there was no effort being put in here other than to amuse the people who put it together while making HHH into the most boring top star in history. I really could not stand this show and if this is where we’re going for the next several months, they’re in a lot of trouble.

 

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Smackdown
Date: August 29, 2002
Location: Mohegan Sun Hotel and Casino, Uncasville, Connecticut
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re past Summerslam and Smackdown now has their own World Champion as Stephanie (cue the chorus) has signed Brock Lesnar to an exclusive deal. How exactly she can do this isn’t clear but my guess is SHE’S STEPHANIE MCMAHON AND SPOKE IN A LOUD VOICE because that renders everyone powerless. Let’s get to it.

We open with a quick look at Lesnar winning the title.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Stephanie to open us up (of course) and she’s already bragging about how awesome Smackdown is because of Lesnar. Since Eric Bischoff’s #1 contenders match means nothing, we’re going to have a series of single elimination matches to crown a new #1 contender. She brings out Edge (Stephanie: “WOO! I’ll scream if I want it.”) and Eddie Guerrero but doesn’t make it clear if this is a tournament or gauntlet or something else.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Edge

Eddie fires off right hands but walks into a flapjack, followed by the half nelson facebuster. Edge charges into an elbow in the corner and Eddie starts back in on the arm. Careful Eddie: you might make him spear you with no consequences again. With nothing else working, Edge suplexes him over the top for a good looking crash, followed by a slightly less good looking dive.

Back in and Eddie grabs a superplex as Cole says the winner of this series of matches gets the title shot. Again: more details on what that means would be nice but we’re not likely to get them are we? Edge comes back with a powerbomb of all things and both guys are down. The Edge-O-Matic gets two but Eddie slips out of the Edgecution and grabs a couple of chairs. Ever the schnook, the referee takes one of them out, allowing Eddie to block a spear with the other one. The frog splash puts Edge away and advances Eddie to….whatever the next step of this thing is.

Rating: B-. You know these two are going to have good matches together and this being kept shorter made for a tighter match. Edge is benefiting greatly from having matches against guys like Eddie and Benoit as he’s getting much sharper in the ring. That’s the kind of thing that is always going to benefit young wrestlers and can’t be overstated.

Matt Hardy asks Stephanie if he’s next to face Eddie but she announces Rikishi as Eddie’s next opponent. So it’s a gauntlet?

John Cena vs. Reverend D-Von

No Batista this week. D-Von throws his coat at Cena to start and hammers away before grabbing a neckbreaker for no cover. A suplex and powerslam give D-Von two and he cuts off Cena’s comeback with the spinning elbow to the jaw. The flying headbutt misses but D-Von grabs the inverted reverse DDT for the completely clean pin.

Rating: D. What in the world was the point of that? D-Von can’t even cheat to beat someone with Cena’s potential? This was cutting Cena’s leg off and leaving him with little to do for the sake of giving D-Von a clean pin. That’s one of the more confusing booking decisions I’ve seen in a long time and I really don’t get it.

Batista comes in and lays D-Von out with a Batista Bomb (which Cole calls a gutwrench powerbomb). Soooooo……that’s why Cena lost? To set up Batista vs. D-Von? Really?

Rey Mysterio vs. Rico

Mysterio starts fast and sends Rico outside, followed by a dive onto Billy and Chuck. The innocent bystanders are sent to the back for no apparent reason, leaving Rico to start firing off kicks. A sitout powerslam of all things plants Rey as Rico is getting to show off for the first time in WWE. Two Amigos into a Falcon Arrow (a type of powerbomb according to Tazz) gets two more and there’s another powerslam. Rico misses a VERY long moonsault and Rey starts his comeback with the usual. A double springboard moonsault gives Rey two and it’s the 619 into the West Coast Pop for the pin.

Rating: B-. I’m one of the bigger Rico fans you’ll ever meet and this is more proof that they wasted a lot of potential with him. I watched him in OVW and was far more impressed by him than Cena as Rico just got it so much faster. He had the look, the in ring work and the work ethic but he got stuck with this horrible gimmick and that’s all he’s remembered for doing.

Hardcore Holly is turned down for a spot in the #1 contender series in favor of Stephanie answering a phone call.

Video on Chris Benoit.

Here’s the Smackdown Your Vote video from Raw.

Stephanie is trying to get someone to jump to Raw when Matt comes in to ask for a spot in the series again, eventually cutting off her call to get an answer. He gets Brock Lesnar instead. I do love the fact that the story of the show is “let’s all beg Stephanie for favors”.

Rikishi wants a rematch with Lesnar and tries to get “piece of the Kish” over as a catchphrase. Eddie comes in to laugh at him and suggests the thong is on too tight.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Rikishi

Rikishi starts fast but can’t get the Stinkface. Eddie goes after the knee and kicks it into the steps before kicking at it even more back inside. We hit the leglock for a bit with Eddie very slowly cranking away. Rikishi fights up, crushes Eddie in the corner, and finishes him with a superkick (with the bad leg).

Rating: D. Nothing to see here as Rikishi’s odd push WAY above his level of importance continues. For the life of me I don’t get why he’s getting pushed like this but I guess they don’t have anyone else to go with here. It’s not like Matt Hardy or anyone is right there for the same spot.

Chris Benoit runs in to help with a beatdown on Rikishi but Edge makes the save.

Here’s a video mocking Major League Baseball’s strike.

Stephanie rips into Benoit for attacking Rikishi and punishes him by….giving him a match with the injured Rikishi. So she’s loud, basically a heel, and really stupid too.

Tajiri vs. Shannon Moore

Jamie Noble, Nidia and Hurricane are at ringside as well. They start fast with Shannon grabbing a quick rollup for two, earning himself a hard kick to the back. A chinlock doesn’t go anywhere so Tajiri puts him in a reverse Tree of Woe for a baseball slide to the back of the head. It’s off to a cobra clutch for a bit until Moore fights up and gets two off a running neckbreaker. One heck of a German suplex gives Tajiri two and it’s time for the seconds to get in a fight. Moore grabs a rollup for the upset.

Rating: C-. Not much of a match but well done at building up a challenger for Noble. The division is hardly the best in the world but they’re putting a few things together, which is better than you would expect. At least Moore is a fresh name and that’s a good sign. I mean, none of it matters as soon as Mysterio goes after the title but I like it better than just having Noble sit on the belt for months.

Rikishi vs. Chris Benoit

Benoit stomps him down in the corner to start but a Samoan drop gets Rikishi out of trouble. It seems to hurt his shoulder though and there’s the Crossface. A rope grab only sets up a second Crossface and Rikishi is done. Yeah Stephanie! You show Benoit by giving him a two and a half minute match against an injured opponent! Benoit is now going on to the final match in the series.

Kurt Angle apologizes to the other six dwarfs for beating Mysterio at Summerslam. He’s going to be Benoit’s opponent in the final match. The crowd sounds VERY interested at the idea of Angle vs. Lesnar.

Funaki wants to interview Brock Lesnar but Paul Heyman will have none of that. Matt Hardy comes up instead and says he’ll take Lesnar out. From here on, it’s WWE Mattitude.

Brock Lesnar vs. Matt Hardy

Non-title and Brock isn’t wasting time here as he takes Hardy outside and sends him back first into the post. Back in and we hit the shoulders to the ribs, followed by the overhead belly to belly suplex. Matt makes a quick comeback and posts Lesnar, followed by a dropkick to send him into the corner. That’s about it though as the Twist of Fate is countered into the F5 for the pin.

Rating: C. See, now this made him look like a force. This was the kind of squash that Lesnar hasn’t had enough of in his brief run and it made him look like a monster. It’s a pin over someone with some credibility who can sell the heck out of the F5. Good match here and Matt can bounce back with a few funny promos, especially after getting beaten by someone he had no business beating.

Brock isn’t done and powerbombs the heck out of Matt.

Whoever Stephanie was talking to has signed with Smackdown. They’ll be debuting in the main event, which is now a triple threat. Did you know Stephanie was all powerful?

Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle vs. Undertaker

One more Stephanie cameo as she introduces Undertaker, which actually does make sense here as this is a major moment. It’s seeing her all the other time that it’s not necessary. Undertaker shrugs off some double teaming to start (duh) but misses a big boot and crotches himself on the ropes. A few kicks to the leg put Undertaker on the floor, leaving Benoit and Angle to do exactly what you would expect Benoit and Angle to do.

Kurt snaps off some German suplexes but Benoit comes right back with a few of his own. Benoit whips him into the corner and flips Angle over with a release German suplex, only to have Undertaker dive back in for the save at two. Angle is sent outside and it’s time for more chairs, one of which goes square onto Undertaker’s head. Not that it matters as he’s back on his feet about thirty seconds later so Benoit grabs a German suplex. That’s no sold as well as Undertaker gets in a chokeslam, only to have Angle make the save with the ankle lock.

Kurt gets sent to the floor so Benoit puts on the Crossface with Angle coming back in for an ankle lock at the same time. That’s not enough for a tap so Benoit and Angle trade submissions, thankfully with Undertaker actually staying down for a good while off the double submission. Benoit kicks off the ankle lock to send Kurt into a botched rollup for no count. The Angle Slam drops Undertaker again but he’s back to his feet ELEVEN SECONDS LATER for the Last Ride and pin on Benoit.

Rating: B. I criticized Edge’s non-selling against Eddie at Summerslam but this was a good bit worse. You don’t take a double submission from two former World Champions and then no sell another finisher by being up in about ten seconds. If you just have to give Undertaker the title shot (and who better to give it to than a guy who beat TEST on Sunday and then lost on Monday), there are better ways to do it. Like, have Undertaker sell some stuff.

The problem is this match was all backwards. Angle and Benoit wrestled like a pair of faces with all the effort and speed while Undertaker just snuck in and stole the pin. Undertaker did sell earlier in the match but then just turned it off and won the match like Benoit was nothing in the end. Then again, Stephanie is their boss so the whole face/heel dynamic is screwed up on Smackdown in general.

Overall Rating: C. This is a very hard to rate show as the wrestling was mostly fine but the Stephanie stuff is just excruciating. It really does feel like she’s the main character of the show and we’re just stuck sitting around waiting to see what HUGE move she makes next and how she’s trying to screw Raw over next while yelling at any wrestler, often for doing what she says. She’s really taking a lot of the fun away from what could be a great show and that’s very bad.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: August 26, 2002
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re past Summerslam and that means a lot of things have changed. To begin with, Shawn Michaels shocked the world and beat HHH in one heck of a street fight. Other than that, Brock Lesnar is the new WWE World Champion but is exclusively signed to Smackdown. It’s not clear if that’s going to mean we need something new around here for HHH to likely dominate. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Eric Bischoff to open up “his” Monday Night Raw. Tonight we’re going to combine the Hardcore Title with the Intercontinental Title which is probably best for everyone. On top of that, we’re going to have a special Lifetime Achievement Award for a member of the WWE Hall of Fame.

As for right now though, Bischoff brings out Brock and Heyman for a chat. The fans are happy when Lesnar comes out but cut Paul off with the ROCKY chants. Heyman finally gets to talk and says every legacy before Lesnar’s doesn’t matter, including Hulk Hogan and Bruno Sammartino. Enough of that though as Paul goes into a glorious rant about how no one believed him when he promised that Lesnar would do all this. Lesnar brags about being twenty five years old….and here’s HHH to Shawn’s music because THIS NEEDS TO BE ABOUT HIM.

That’s the last time you’ll ever hear Shawn’s horrible music because HHH has gotten rid of him for good. As for right now though, Lesnar only has that title because HHH softened Rock up for him. HHH wants a title shot but here’s Undertaker to cut them both off. Undertaker wants the first shot at the young pup and the fight is on. Lesnar gets knocked to the floor but HHH is allowed to leave mostly unscathed. WAY too much non-Lesnar here but we all need more HHH in our lives.

Booker T. vs. Christian

After what looks like a quickly fixed lighting problem, Booker hammers away until a reverse DDT onto the knee puts him down. A chinlock sets up some choking until Booker pops up with the spinning sunset flip out of the corner for two. Goldust and Lance Storm get in a fight (of course) and it’s the scissors kick for the pin on Christian.

Rating: C-. Just a quick match here to keep the Tag Team Title feud going, though I’m not sure what they’re waiting on at this point. It’s not like the Un-Americans are all that interesting as heels or champions so just let them lose the belts already to an interesting team. Booker is getting hotter and hotter every week, which almost guarantees his imminent destruction.

The WWE was in New York for the Smackdown Your Vote campaign.

Test has plans for the American flag tonight. This isn’t likely to end well.

Bubba Ray Dudley/Spike Dudley vs. Christopher Nowinski/William Regal

The villains have Molly Holly in their corner due to one heck of a horribly acted segment between Chris and Molly. Bubba side slams Chris to start and Spike adds a top rope stomp (that always looks so painful) for no cover. Chris pops back up and distracts the referee so Spike can get crotched against the post. The beating doesn’t last long as Spike gets up and tags Bubba so everything can break down. What’s Up hits Molly and it’s table time. That goes nowhere so it’s the Bubba Bomb to end Regal.

Rating: D+. Not much to see here as I didn’t know this story was still going. Are we really supposed to be interested in Nowinski wanting to sleep with Molly? It’s the start of a character at least but Nowinski really isn’t the most interesting guy in the world no matter what. At least it’s better than making fun of Molly’s weight.

Post match Nowinski saves Molly from the table.

Bischoff tells the guest to come out when Eric says.

Molly thanks Chris and offers to help him if need be.

Apparently that would be after the break as Bischoff brings out Jimmy Snuka. Highlight package, Bischoff cuts him off, 3 Minute Warning, JR is aghast. Chris Jericho comes out and puts Snuka in the Walls of Jericho and tells the has been to get out of the ring. Who would guess that we would see something similar at Wrestlemania one day? Jericho shows us some clips from last night and claims that he made Flair tap out. Since Fozzy’s concert was cut off last week, Jericho belts out his own version of New York, New York.

Chris Jericho vs. Jeff Hardy

Jericho knocks him around to start until Jeff gets in a dropkick of his own to take over for a bit. Lawler talks about a tuxedo vs. evening gown match later tonight as Jeff sends Jericho outside for a big dive off the top. The dive off the apron is countered into a powerslam (cool looking spot) and Jericho starts choking with Jeff’s shirt.

A missed dropkick has Jeff in even more trouble (it might help if he did something other than throw dropkicks) so we hit the abdominal stretch. This isn’t exactly burning up the mat so far. When the hold goes nowhere, Jericho heads up top but gets dropkicked out of the air. Even that’s not enough to pop the crowd very strongly but the Whisper in the Wind does a bit better. The Swanton is good for two as Jericho grabs the rope. Jericho grabs the Walls and Hardy grabs the rope, only to have Jericho refuse to break for the DQ.

Rating: D+. These two are capable of doing so much better and I’m not sure why they were this dull here. I don’t know if Jeff is just done or if Jericho’s stuff with the submissions isn’t working but I don’t know how you go from good last night to a near disaster just a day later. Maybe it’s a bad night but this was a big disappointment.

Brock doesn’t care who wins tonight.

Test wants to burn the American flag. After a break, here are the Un-Americans with Test carrying a blowtorch. Kane’s pyro goes off but Booker and Goldust make the save instead. The Texans are cleaned out and it’s Kane (with a new half mask) coming in for the real save. So we owe one to Spain. Make that two as we get a Kane-A-Rooni.

Intercontinental Title: Tommy Dreamer vs. Rob Van Dam

Officially this is a unification match but the Hardcore Title is done no matter what so I guess it’s not on the line. This is however under hardcore rules so Dreamer has a bit of an advantage. They shake hands and we’re ready to go. We actually start with some technical stuff until Dreamer dropkicks him in the face to take over.

It’s time for the first kendo stick and a White Russian legsweep gets two on Rob. They head outside with a ladder being bridged between the ring and the barricade. Dreamer hits a quick spinebuster but can’t suplex Rob onto the ladder. Instead Van Dam shoves him face first into the ladder, setting up a kick off the ladder for two.

Back in and the DDT gives Dreamer two, followed by a middle rope elbow which only hits the ladder. Rolling Thunder onto the ladder onto Dreamer and Rob crotches him for a bonus. The dropkick drives a chair into Dreamer’s face and the Five Star gets rid of the Hardcore Title for good.

Rating: C+. Not a bad match actually and it’s nice to see the division go out on a nice note instead of 18 people who never do anything else hitting a single weapon shot for a pin. I’m no Dreamer fan but it’s cool to see him having a good match in his element like this, even if he had no chance of winning.

Lillian Garcia vs. Howard Finkel

The winner is permanent ring announcer. It’s a tuxedo/evening gown match, meaning whoever is stripped first loses. Stacy Keibler comes out to keep an eye on Trish so Howard says she’s interfering with something in his trousers. JR: “Howard may get aroused!” Thankfully the fans boo this out of the building until Trish and Stacy object to Howard insulting blondes. Fink is stripped and Lillian wins. As you might expect, that just makes the fans hate the match even more.

HHH vs. Undertaker

The winner gets Lesnar at some point in the future. HHH jumps Undertaker as he gets off the bike and we’re ready to go in a hurry. They get inside with an early Pedigree attempt being blocked so Undertaker can hammer away in the corner. Old School gets two but HHH hits a jumping knee to the head. The very slow beating continues and we hit a HHH chinlock.

That shifts over to a sleeper in case we were going too fast for you. Back up and Undertaker hits him in the head a few times but the ref gets bumped. One of the worst big boots I’ve ever see (there was a good six inches between the boot and HHH’s face) sets up a chokeslam but here’s Lesnar for a distraction. HHH gets in a low blow and, after a belt shot from Lesnar, the pin and the title shot.

Rating: D. Boring match of course but that’s what you have to expect when two older guys get to be the focus instead of the new World Champion. This was really weak stuff from two guys who should be more than capable of doing something better. Lesnar felt like an afterthought here, which has been the case all night long.

Oh look: it’s Stephanie, who is all happy because she’s never allowed to lose any face. Lesnar is officially signed to Smackdown and the title is coming with him. So now she can change the rules of the Brand Split. Stephanie to Eric: “How do my peaches taste now?”

Overall Rating: D-. I don’t remember the last time I’ve seen two shows on back to back nights be such polar opposites. Last night was all about energy and entertainment while tonight was all about HHH vs. Undertaker and Stephanie vs. Bischoff with Lesnar being little more than a plot device in either. The best thing on the show was Dreamer vs. Van Dam while the rest was spent on stuff they knew wasn’t going to be interesting while having almost no focus on anything that mattered. In other words, it’s back to what Raw has been doing in recent months.

 

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Summerslam 2002
Date: August 25, 2002
Location: Nassau Veterans Memorial, Uniondale, New York
Attendance: 14,797
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Tazz, Jim Ross

It’s very rare that a Summerslam is the biggest show of the year but that might be the case in 2002. Wrestlemania XVIII was in a much bigger venue and had a much bigger top match but as far as a whole card goes from top to bottom, this might have it beaten. The big matches here are Brock Lesnar challenging the Rock for the Undisputed Title and HHH vs. Shawn Michaels in a grudge match with Shawn making his first in-ring appearance since 1998. Let’s get to it.

Not much of an opening video other than the theme song over shots of the crowd.

Opening sequence.

Kurt Angle vs. Rey Mysterio

Rey showed Angle up recently and Kurt wants to prove that it’s just a fluke. Angle’s singlet looks like a barber pole and Rey sneaks in from behind with a springboard ankle scissors. The ankle lock goes on in less than thirty seconds but Rey sends him into the ropes with Kurt having to duck the 619.

A hard wheelbarrow suplex sends Rey hard onto the mat and one heck of a clothesline gives Angle two. Rey’s back is bent around the middle rope and Angle is getting a bit too cocky. A one legged Liontamer has Mysterio in even more trouble but a rollup gives him a fast two. Rey is certainly sticking around well enough so far.

That just ticks Angle off though and he throws Rey with a belly to belly. Kurt misses a charge though and goes sailing over the top but the referee won’t let Mysterio fly. That’s fine with Rey who flips OVER THE REFEREE to take Kurt down. The fans are losing their mind and Rey Dropping the Dime (springboard legdrop) for two makes them even worse. Now the 619 connects and the West Coast Pop is good for a VERY near fall. Rey puts him on top for a super hurricanrana but Angle slips out and grabs the ankle lock for the submission at 9:20.

Rating: A-. What a match. This is one of the best opening matches in company history as they just do not stop for the better part of ten minutes. It’s an outstanding performance with Rey getting his big breakout performance and Angle showing that he’s still one of the best in the world.

Stephanie McMahon brags about that match and tells a production guy to tell Eric Bischoff about it. She goes into her office and….there’s Eric, who seems to be sharing the office with her. I’m sure comedy and drama will ensue.

Ric Flair vs. Chris Jericho

Standard “you’re old and it’s my time so get out” feud with the required broken guitars to ruin a mid-show concert segment as well. This is actually Flair’s in-ring debut at Summerslam. Feeling out process to start and we hear about Jericho becoming the first ever Undisputed Champion. JR: “Not too many people can claim that.” Yeah Jim. I think it’s like, one or so.

Jericho misses an elbow drop and the chops start flying. They head outside with Jericho sending him into the barricade, followed by a middle rope dropkick for two back inside. Some suplexes stay on Flair’s back so you certainly can’t fault Jericho’s psychology. This time it’s Jericho taking too much time going up though and Flair slams him right back down.

The Walls are countered into a small package for two but Jericho goes extra evil by grabbing the Figure Four (I said evil, not original). In a creative save, Flair grabs the rope and then taps out, which means the hold is broken and the submission doesn’t count. The referee gets bumped and it’s a low blow into the Figure Four to make Jericho tap at 10:23.

Rating: C+. This was fine and while I’m not wild on having Flair go over Jericho, at least he lost in a good match to a dirty finish. If nothing else it could mean a whiny Jericho and that’s nothing but entertainment. Oh and Flair low blows are always worth checking out, just for how hard he hits those things.

Ad for a Hogan DVD.

Paul Heyman loves the idea of the Hogan DVD because it looks like they’re trying to squeeze out the final few dollars from his body after Lesnar destroyed him. Tonight, Lesnar destroys the Rock.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Edge

Apparently Eddie is mad that Edge fancies himself a sex symbol. I don’t really remember that being brought up on TV leading up to this match but maybe it was subtext. Eddie snaps the back of Edge’s neck across the top rope and takes over, only to get thrown across the ring.

Edge ties him up in the ropes and hits a spear but a second attempt misses to send the Canadian outside. That might mean a bad shoulder so Eddie sends him into the steps. Back to back DDT’s on the arm including one from the top get two on Edge and we hit a Kimura of all things.

It’s off to a crossface chickenwing and then a top wristlock which is a very good idea. I get so bored watching matches where we get the same hold over and over. There are so many holds that can be used on the same body part so mixing it up like this helps so much. Edge fights back with a one armed slam and a faceplant to send Eddie outside.

It doesn’t take two good arms to dive out to the floor so Edge takes Eddie out all over again. Back in and a super sitout gordbuster gives Edge two more, followed by the Edgecution for the same. Eddie goes right back to the shoulder but walks into the spear (more on that in a second) at 11:47.

Rating: B-. This was going to be much higher until that completely ridiculous ending. Eddie spent eleven minutes working on the arm and then Edge just uses the shoulder for the spear to end the match with nothing more than a flinch? There’s no excuse for that and Edge should know better.

The Un-Americans are ready to give the greedy Americans more. More of the Un-Americans that is.

Tag Team Titles: Goldust/Booker T. vs. Un-Americans

Lance Storm and Christian are defending. Goldust cleans house to start before it’s off to Booker, who JR describes as being “as Americana as Americana can be.” The Canadians are still reeling so Storm throws Goldust over the corner to take over, setting up some of those weird hopping stomps.

Christian gets two on a backbreaker, which JR says works on the back. Something like a Boss Man Slam gets Goldust out of trouble but Christian grabs a front facelock. As you might expect, that means a missed tag so Goldust has to catapult the champions into each other.

That’s STILL not enough for the tag though as the champs knock Booker off the apron, only to miss a Conchairto. The USA chant starts up and there’s the hot tag to Booker who scores with a missile dropkick on Christian. Storm hits the referee by mistake and both champions take the same ax kick. Cue Test to kick Booker’s head off, giving Christian the pin at 9:35.

Rating: C. The match was fine but the ending brought it down a good bit with the standard WWE style finish hurting things a lot. At least we had a good match to get there and the Un-Americans are still fine for heel champions. The Test stuff gets annoying but you had to know it was coming as soon as the ref went down.

There’s a Make Out with Nidia Contest at the World. We’re moving on before that sinks in.

Stephanie and Bischoff debate women’s place in wrestling. McMahon: “It’s like mine: ON TOP!” This turns into a discussion of the Intercontinental Title match and GOOD GRIEF Stephanie’s acting is somehow worse here.

Intercontinental Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Chris Benoit

This is Raw vs. Smackdown and Benoit is defending. A kick to the leg sends Benoit outside but he comes back in and easily takes Van Dam down until Rob starts spinning around to escape. The release German suplex drops him again though and Benoit starts in on the neck to set up for the Crossface later on.

A Dynamite Kid snap suplex gets two on Van Dam but he avoids the Swan Dive. Chris does the same to the Five Star though and it’s time for the Crossface. The long legs get Van Dam over to the ropes so Benoit shoves him off the top and down onto the barricade for a crash. Benoit cranks on the arms for a bit and slams him head first into the mat to keep Van Dam in trouble.

It’s right back to the Crossface with Van Dam quickly breaking free, only to be sent shoulder first into the post. Some suplexes onto the arm make me realize that Eddie probably should have worked something other than the arm if Benoit, whose finisher is an arm hold, was going to do this.

Another Crossface is about to be broken so Benoit switches into a dragon sleeper of all things. That’s escaped as well and Van Dam’s hair is down in a very rare sight. Rolling Thunder gets two on Benoit but he’s able to crotch Rob on top. You don’t try a belly to back superplex on a high flier though as Rob crossbodies his way out, setting up the Five Star for the pin and the title at 16:22.

Rating: B. Sometimes you just need to have two talented guys go out there and have a match. The shoulder didn’t quite play into the finish but at least Van Dam’s finisher isn’t done with his arm. I liked this more than I was expecting to and that’s always a positive, especially on a show this stacked.

Bischoff gloats so Stephanie laughs at him. WELL OF COURSE SHE DOES! How dare we suggest that Stephanie not have some kind of ace up her sleeve? That’s why people get tired of Stephanie: she almost NEVER has to give up anything and it gets old in a hurry. I’m sure she’s stolen some other talent and Bischoff will be crushed while Stephanie gets to dance around and talk about how great Smackdown and its fans really are.

Video on the Un-Americans to set up Test vs. Undertaker.

Undertaker vs. Test

JR says Undertaker has a big home field advantage. I get what he’s going for but we’re MUCH closer to Canada and Toronto in general than we are to Houston. But then again, never underestimate how hard an American announcer is going to push his countryman in a feud like this. Undertaker starts with a hiptoss of all things but a knee to the ribs cuts off some driving shoulders.

Test shoves the referee into the ropes to break up Old School and since this isn’t Raw, that’s not a DQ. After a quick trip to the floor, Test very slowly hammers away in the corner and drops a knee on the ribs. It’s off to an armbar of all things until Undertaker fights up and suplexes his way to freedom. AMERICAN freedom that is.

The pumphandle slam doesn’t work so Undertaker plants him with a chokeslam for a delayed two. Cue Storm and Christian for a distraction so Test can get in the big boot for two of his own. Test grabs a chair and shoves the referee down, allowing Undertaker to kick the chair straight back into his face. The Tombstone ends Test at 8:20.

Rating: D. This was fine for a long Raw match but on a show with this much talent around, it’s only going to go so far. Undertaker winning is fine enough as it’s really hard to buy Test beating someone who was in the main event of last month’s pay per view going toe to toe to toe with Rock and Kurt Angle.

Undertaker goes into the crowd and grabs an American flag for some posing.

We get a long and very good recap of HHH vs. Shawn Michaels. They used to be friends and Shawn came back as part of the NWO. After the team was disbanded, Shawn came back again and was made into HHH’s manager. That wasn’t cool with Shawn and his Texas pride so HHH beat him up twice in a row, including putting Shawn through a car window. Shawn is willing to have one more fight (not match, but fight) here tonight.

HHH vs. Shawn Michaels

Anything goes and unsanctioned with Shawn in jeans. Shawn hammers away to start and spears HHH down for more right hands. They’re quickly on the floor with Shawn ramming him head first into the post. It’s time for some toys, including a trashcan to HHH’s head and a top rope right hand for the same.

Sweet Chin Music misses less than three minutes in and Shawn walks into a spinebuster for the first real shot to his bad back. Like a smart villain, HHH starts in on the back but Shawn says bring it, earning himself a kick to the chest. One heck of a chair shot to the back has Shawn’s face in agony, which is where so much of this match’s strength comes from. Michaels could tell such a story with his face and it really does bring you deeper into the story they’re trying to tell.

Shawn gets in a desperation rollup for two but walks into the facebuster to cut him off again. A DDT on the chair gets two and we’ve got some blood. HHH steals Shawn’s belt for a good old fashioned whipping followed by a few buckle shots to the cut head. With Shawn pulling himself to his feet, it’s sledgehammer time. As is his custom though, Shawn cuts HHH off at the exactly right time, earning himself an abdominal stretch.

HHH goes for the hammer again but Earl Hebner calls him off and yells a lot. A superplex is broken up so HHH blasts him in the back with the chair again. There’s a side slam through an open chair and Shawn looks dead. You can feel the fans getting more and more into this and JR wants the referee to do a fast count. Shawn kicks out and now HHH is getting frustrated because Michaels won’t stay down.

Another side slam onto a closed chair gets the same and HHH covers three times in a row. The Pedigree is broken up by a low blow and you can feel the crowd coming back to life. HHH grabs the chair but a desperation superkick knocks it into HHH’s face to draw blood as well. Shawn hits the forearm into the nipup and the fans actually come to their feet as it’s the old Shawn one more time. A great chair shot to the head drops HHH and Shawn picks up the belt to even things up a bit from earlier.

Shawn bulldogs the very bloody HHH onto the steps to knock him even sillier. Since that’s not enough, let’s bring in a ladder too. Said ladder is thrown inside but HHH baseball slides it into Shawn’s ribs for a breather. HHH goes up top for some reason and it’s a superplex to bring him back down for two. Now the steps are brought in but Shawn drop toeholds HHH into them before knocking him outside again.

With nothing else left, here’s a table too with Shawn splashing HHH off the top through the wood. HHH very slowly rolls back in and Shawn brings the ladder inside again. The big elbow off the ladder crushes HHH and Shawn pops right back up. It’s superkick time but HHH counters into the Pedigree which is countered into a jackknife rollup for the pin at 27:19.

Rating: A+. My goodness what a performance. That’s the only way to put it as Shawn basically started all over again and had this kind of an amazing match. This was some outstanding storytelling with Michaels taking us to the very brink but fighting back until there was an actual way to believe he could pull it off. HHH was at his most dastardly here and that makes for one heck of a match. This is one of the best matches of both of their careers and the circumstances make it even more amazing. Shawn timed that comeback as well as anything I’ve ever seen and I got swept up in the match all over again. Just excellent.

Post match, HHH hits a celebrating Shawn in the back with a sledgehammer to go biggest heel ever. Shawn does a stretcher job, seemingly putting him out of action for a long time. Oh and one more thing: for some reason HHH has tried to claim that this match was forty five minutes long. Even if you count the entrances and the post match stuff, it’s less than thirty six minutes total. That’s a big stretch even in wrestling, which is covering a lot of ground.

Here’s Howard Finkel of all people to talk about how he hasn’t been here since Wrestlemania II but you’ll always have him because of loyalty. Cue Trish Stratus (who has been feuding with a sexist Finkel) but the Fink doesn’t want to hear from someone who thinks she’s hot stuff because of her looks. Trish hits on him and Finkel makes sex jokes until Lillian Garcia (who is having the real issues with him) to slap Howard in the face and kick him low. This was just a way to calm things down after the previous match but it was still stupid.

We recap Brock Lesnar vs. The Rock. Lesnar won the King of the Ring tournament to earn this show and Rock won the title at Vengeance. Brock has run through the company but this is by far his biggest test to date.

Undisputed Title: Brock Lesnar vs. The Rock

Lesnar is challenging and has Paul Heyman in his corner. The fans are ALL OVER Rock as he charges right into a belly to belly, further banging up his already injured ribs. Some backbreakers have the fans cheering for Rock though and Brock takes him outside for a beating in the crowd.

Back in and another belly to belly sends Rock flying for two. Heyman even gets in a little choking as Rock’s right hands are cut off by a powerslam. Brock charges into the post and three straight clotheslines finally put him down for two. It’s off to a bad Sharpshooter with Rock nowhere near sitting on Brock’s back.

Heyman finally gets on the apron for a distraction but Lesnar saves his agent from a Rock Bottom. The distraction lets a chair go into Rock’s ribs, setting up a bearhug into a waistlock on the mat. This stays on WAY too long but to be fair, Lesnar isn’t really capable of having a long match on his own just yet.

Rock punches his way out but takes one heck of a running shoulder to the ribs in the corner. Lesnar gets punched (you might notice a pattern emerging here) outside again and it’s announcers’ table time. Instead though Brock gets catapulted into the table and Heyman takes a very slow motion Rock Bottom through the table.

Back in and the Rock Bottom only gets two but Lesnar grabs one of his own (JR: “Brock Bottom?”) for another near fall. The spinebuster looks to set up the People’s Elbow but Brock jumps up for a BIG clothesline. Brock can’t hit the F5 but reverses the Rock Bottom into the F5 for the pin and the title at 16:02.

Rating: B. It’s not a classic but the key thing here is that Brock reversed Rock’s finisher into his own for the completely clean pin. Heyman hadn’t been a factor for about five minutes so the pinfall is WAY more important. Lesnar won because he was better here (ignoring the rib injuries but that was hardly cheating). This was a good match but it’s important and well done which is all that matters.

Overall Rating: A. This is one of the best pay per views the company has ever put on and pretty easily the best Summerslam ever. The worst match of the night was Undertaker vs. Test and even that was watchable. Throw in a masterpiece like HHH vs. Michaels and this is an instant classic, which isn’t often the case at Summerslam.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume V at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01MQKDV5O

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Ratings Comparison

Kurt Angle vs. Rey Mysterio

Original: A+

2013 Redo: A-

2017 Redo: A-

Chris Jericho vs. Ric Flair

Original: B

2013 Redo: C

2017 Redo: C+

Eddie Guerrero vs. Edge

Original: C+

2013 Redo: B-

2017 Redo: B-

Un-Americans vs. Booker T/Goldust

Original: C-

2013 Redo: D+

2017 Redo: C

Rob Van Dam vs. Chris Benoit

Original: B

2013 Redo: B

2017 Redo: B

Undertaker vs. Test

Original: D

2013 Redo: D

2017 Redo: D

Shawn Michaels vs. HHH

Original: A+

2013 Redo: A+

2017 Redo: A+

The Rock vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: C+

2013 Redo: B-

2017 Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: A+

2013 Redo: A+

2017 Redo: A

Still a masterpiece.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/08/05/history-of-summerslam-count-up-summerslam-2002-best-summerslam-ever/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/08/07/summerslam-count-up-2002-the-performance-of-a-lifetime/

Smackdown
Date: August 22, 2002
Location: Crown Coliseum, Fayetteville, North Carolina
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the go home show for Summerslam and the show is finally starting to pick up some steam. The midcard is still in need of some work and thankfully that’s where Smackdown shines. Hopefully they don’t spend all night talking about Lesnar vs. Rock as Monday handled most of the remaining necessary build. A promo or two would be fine but it doesn’t need to be much more than that. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Here are Lesnar and Paul Heyman to get things going. Heyman talks about Rock’s Hollywood star power but is really talking about how big of a star Hollywood Hogan used to be. Even in WWE’s wildest dreams, I don’t think Hogan was ever the #1 box office star in entertainment. Anyway, the fate Hogan suffered is the same thing waiting for Rock at Lesnar’s hands. Brock is all fired up and feels the same he did as the night he fought Hulk Hogan.

Cue Rock to say he’s tired of listening to Brock so tonight will be a night like no other. There are no catchphrases tonight because Rock is bringing it to Lesnar (good for a ROAR from the crowd). Rock is ready to fight right now but Chris Benoit and Eddie Guerrero jump him, meaning it’s time for the Crossface with Lesnar adding trash talk.

Back from a break and Benoit/Guerrero attack Edge as well. I smell a tag match.

Tajiri/Jamie Noble vs. Hurricane/Shannon Moore

Moore and Tajiri flip around to start as Cole actually does a good job of explaining how stacked this match is. Hurricane comes in with a high crossbody and a Shining Wizard for two on Noble. Nidia distracts Moore though and Tajiri kicks his head off, which Tazz says probably saved Moore from some disease. A chinlock keeps Moore in trouble until the hot tag brings in Hurricane to clean house. The chokeslam doesn’t work and a Samoan drop/neckbreaker combo gets two on Jamie and one heck of a chokeslam plants Tajiri. Shannon sunset flips Jamie for the pin.

Rating: C+. The division is really starting to pick up and that’s the best thing that could happen for the title picture. Throw in Rey Mysterio as the title’s overlord and everything should be just fine. I’m digging these matches more and more every single week and I really wouldn’t have bet on that a few months back.

Matt Hardy comes out to pose with Moore and Hurricane, who have to put him on their shoulders for some reason.

Stephanie yells at Benoit and Guerrero for beating Rock up because that’s what Stephanie does. Benoit brings up Stephanie telling him to hurt Rock last week. Stephanie: “BACK OFF!” This turns into another Stephanie diatribe that makes NO sense because Stephanie changes positions every single week. Oh and Eddie is in trouble for attacking Edge but before Stephanie can collect some Latino balls, Edge jumps Eddie with a chair. A tag match is made for later with the two horrible employees vs. Edge/Rock.

Matt brags about his reaction and it has nothing to do with them being in North Carolina. He goes out again and gets another big pop because there’s nothing scheduled to be taking place at all right now. Matt comes out and poses but Chavo Guerrero interrupts and calls Matt a white boy. That means a match.

Chavo Guerrero vs. Matt Hardy

Chavo sends him outside to start before grabbing an Octopus Hold of all things. Matt powers out and we get a pinfall reversal sequence for some near falls. A double clothesline drops both guys before Chavo dives into the Side Effect for two. Matt loads up the Twist of Fate but the Kane music and pyro distract him enough so Chavo can grab a rollup for the pin. Cole: “Chavo pins Matt in his hometown area!”

Rating: D+. I’m liking the new Matt character and I’m glad they’re running with him as a heel after the whole turn on Jeff but the Kane stuff is getting annoying. Chavo is still fine in the ring but he’s not the most interesting wrestler in the world. There’s just something about him that sucks the charisma out of the room and I’m sure being Eddie’s nephew didn’t help in that area.

Matt says the explosion should have been a stoppage due to the Earl Hebner doctrine of not being able to get screwed near your own hometown. I chuckled.

Funaki goes into the women’s locker room where Nidia is getting changed and likes the attention. Molly Holly panics of course and a culture clash ensues. Nidia promises to flash the crowd if she wins the title tonight.

Rey Mysterio is ready for Summerslam when Kurt Angle cuts him off with a smirk. Kurt says Rey can sit back in his booster chair tonight and watch Angle vs. Billy Kidman (that could be really, really good) as a Summerslam preview. Oh and if Rey shows up, it’s a broken freaking ankle.

Kurt Angle vs. Billy Kidman

Angle knocks him to the apron to start but a hurricanrana sends Kurt into the corner. Why Kidman thought that was a good idea isn’t clear as Angle rolls the German suplexes, only to have Rey pop out of the stage. After teasing a chase to go after the masked man, Angle comes back in and stomps Kidman like he stole something.

An ankle scissors sends Angle outside where he gets mad at a fan for wearing a Mysterio mask. I can always go for a paranoid Angle. Kidman is smart enough to go up top for a big dive to the floor. A good looking DDT gets two more on Kurt but Kidman makes the mistake of going up for the Shooting Star, allowing Angle to run the corner for the superplex.

The Angle Slam doesn’t work and there goes the referee off a missed clothesline. Angle’s chair is dropkicked into his face for a close two but he grabs the Angle Slam. With the referee still down, Rey comes in with a top rope seated senton, which causes the chase into the countout to give Kidman the fluke win.

Rating: B. Kidman was so underrated in the ring as he could put on a performance like this but the best he could ever do was a midcard act. Ok so he married Torrie Wilson but does that really make up for everything else? One thing I’ve always loved about Angle is how he would fight anyone at any level on the roster. This was a great rub for Kidman who got to hang with Angle for the better part of ten minutes. That helps someone else and builds up another story without hurting Kidman at all. You don’t see that out of enough veterans.

Angle beats Kidman up post match.

Brock training video.

Rock is getting his ribs looked at when Edge comes in to talk about the tag match. The injury doesn’t matter because Rock will fight even if he doesn’t have any limbs left.

John Cena/Rikishi vs. Reverend D-Von/Batista

D-Von hammers Cena down to start as revenge for John beating him on Velocity last week. Rikishi comes in and the threat of sitting on D-Von’s chest scares the Reverend a bit. An angry tag brings in Batista for that hard clothesline as he seems to be trying to prove himself to the boss.

A Samoan drop gives Batista two but everything breaks down. D-Von breaks up a Stinkface but gets DDT’ed for his efforts. Now it’s D-Von taking the Stinkface but Batista makes a save, allowing D-Von’s reverse inverted DDT to plant Cena. For some reason Batista and D-Von get in an argument with Big Dave spinebustering him. The Rump Shaker is good for the pin.

Rating: D. The sooner they get Batista away from D-Von for good, the better it is for everyone. Batista has a lot of potential and no one cares about D-Von in this dead end gimmick. Speaking of dead ends, Cena seems to have hit one but to be fair a lot of that is probably due to teaming with Rikishi.

Nidia flashes an old, overweight guy who I don’t believe works for this company.

Women’s Title: Nidia vs. Molly Holly

Molly is defending and Nidia spins out of a wristlock to start. This is little more than a backdrop for Tazz to talk about the potential flashing, making him a low rent Jerry Lawler. Nidia gets two off a backslide but Molly drops her face first onto the top turnbuckle. Molly grabs a reverse chinlock but gets small packaged for two. The handspring elbow misses though and Nidia gets two off a DDT. Molly is sat on top but kicks both rednecks away, setting up the Molly Go Round to retain.

Rating: C. Given where Nidia was at this point in her career, this was just a step beneath a miracle. She looked like a rookie but a very competent rookie, which puts her miles ahead of Jackie and Linda. It’s not a great or memorable match but Nidia looked like she was told what to do and then went out and did it, which is a good sign for her career.

Jamie tells Nidia to flash the crowd anyway but Molly dropkicks him into her. Why this stops the flashing from occurring after Molly leaves isn’t clear.

Here’s Stephanie for a chat because we’re just that lucky. She thanks the Smackdown fans and plugs Summerslam with “YOUR VERY OWN SMACKDOWN SUPERSTARS”. So….do we get in trouble for watching Raw? Could it make Stephanie yell at us for not having enough loyalty to her mission?

Video on Summerslam’s card, which really is stacked.

Chris Benoit/Eddie Guerrero vs. The Rock/Edge

Edge charges into the ring and the brawl is on in a hurry as Rock sprints out to get us going. We officially start with Eddie vs. Edge with Guerrero taking over in the corner and handing it off to Benoit. The flapjack gets two on Chris but it’s right back to Eddie to keep Edge in trouble. The beating continues with Benoit getting to pick him apart with some kicks to the ribs.

A double clothesline drops Eddie and Edge and the hot tag brings in Rock. Benoit is quickly caught in the Sharpshooter but Eddie makes the save, only to eat a spinebuster. That means the People’s Elbow but Benoit is there for another save. Now it’s Rock’s turn to take a beating with Benoit and Guerrero taking turns stomping on the banged up ribs. Benoit knocks Edge off the apron and grabs the Crossface.

Rock is quickly fading as Eddie pulls the rope away, only to hold the arm up before the third drop. The rope is grabbed so Eddie loads up the frog splash with Edge making a quick save. A diving tag brings Edge in for the running clotheslines as are his customs. Everything breaks down again and Edge spears Eddie down for the pin.

Rating: B+. Sometimes you need a hot tag match to end the show and that’s what we got here. Edge is clearly on the rise and only needs a few more big wins to break through the ceiling to the main event. Matches like this where he gets to rub elbows with the Rock and pin someone like Eddie is only going to boost him there.

Post match Brock comes in and Rock asks Edge to step aside. The brawl is on and Rock punches him out to the floor with Brock jumping over the ropes with no hands. Heyman holds Brock back to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. Above all else, I’m ready for Summerslam and that’s exactly the point of this show. The hot main event helped a lot and that’s all it needed to do here. Ignoring Stephanie’s WE ARE SMACKDOWN AND HEAR US ROAR nonsense, this show did a lot of things right and only had a few missteps, which is far better than what Raw does one week to the next. Summerslam needs to rock though and I have a feeling that’s going to be the case.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume V at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01MQKDV5O

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6