I got to thinking about the amount of title reigns in various companies today and did some checking.Ring of Honor has been around for over 11 years now and Jay Briscoe is the 18th world champion.  There has been one two time champion (Austin Aries) in the history of the title.  Here’s the interesting part: the WWF Title had its first two time champion after ten years, it’s second two time champion after 26 years, and it’s first three time champion after 28 years.

 

Think about that for a minute when you hear Cole talking about Orton and Cena and HHH having like 40 world title reigns between them.  They’ve done that in less than 15 years combined.  The 40th WWF Title reign took 35 years to reach in 1998.  See why old fans get annoyed at how fast the title changes hands in modern times?

King of the Ring 2002
Date: June 23, 2002
Location: Nationwide Arena, Columbus, Ohio
Attendance: 14,200
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

Austin is gone. That’s your big story number one. He was ticked off at management so he just walked out on the company. This is the story they mean when they say he took his ball and went home. Due to him leaving, and I believe I was at his last match before he left, Rock made a surprise return and said that he would be at the PPV to fill in for Austin. The reason Austin left was he didn’t like creative, namely that he was jobbing to Brock Lesnar on Raw in a KOTR qualifying match.

That brings us to story number 2: Brock Lesnar. He’s in the final four and is about as much of a given winner as you can possibly imagine. Hogan is still here too, fighting Angle tonight. The main event is HHH vs. Taker for the title, which is going to suck, plain and simple. Let’s get to it.

The final PPV brackets:

Brock Lesnar
Test

Jericho
Rob Van Dam

Oh also, this is the first PPV under the WWE name as the change came just a few weeks prior to it.

We start with a recap of all the great wrestlers to win the tournament but we leave out all of the terrible ones, such as Mabel and Gunn. It has been a pretty good way to determine a good star over the years. For this year the winner gets the title match at Summerslam. Oh and we’ve had the brand split so it’s two shows now.

Oh one last thing: four days before this some company called TNA debuted. Yeah they’re nothing.

King of the Ring Semi–Finals: Chris Jericho vs. Rob Van Dam

Jericho beat Edge and Val Venis (called Big Valbowski at the time) while Van Dam beat Eddie Guerrero and X-Pac who somehow has a job at this point which amazes me. Van Dam is IC Champion here because that’s what he does. Dang  Jericho went from main eventing Wrestlemania to opening King of the Ring. That’s quite a fall. The fans are WAY behind RVD, and I think Jericho is still heel here. Yeah he is.

Ross thinks they’re evenly matches in size. Good to know his eyes are working well enough that he can tell they look the same. There’s an ECW chant as this match is about as good as you would expect it to be. This is another one of those that’s just hard to mess up. There are three guys in the front row all in Superman shirts. Jericho just doesn’t seem like he can do anything as a heel. He’s just not good in the ring as one, but I think that’s because of his finishing move.

It just doesn’t work for him as he needs something other than a sibmission. Hardly any heel wins with submissions and he’s no exception. I really hate that move where you just pull back on the other guy’s arms. It just looks like crap. I’ve always loved that springboard kick that Van Dam hits. Van Dam hits the exposed turnbuckle for two and the Lionsasult misses. The Five Star misses and the Lionsault again gets two.

Jericho gets the walls but it’s right in the corner and that breaks it up. Both are up top but Van Dam gets a kick to the head for the Five Star to end it. Van Dam being spent on the mat but still doing the finger point when his name is announced is just classic stuff. Lawler jumps in the ring to ask Van Dam who he prefers and RVD says he doesn’t care if it’s Test, Lesnar or Godzilla. Jericho jumps him and puts him in the Walls.

Rating: B. This was a great choice for an opener as it’s fifteen minutes of two guys that know how to get a crowd into a match. They did just that here and it worked like a charm. RVD winning clean is a big deal too as it gives him a solid push to the finals before he gets slaughtered. This was a good back and forth match and it worked very well though.

Heyman gets Lesnar fired up by saying apparently that he’s Godzilla. Lesnar was freaking scary. Those nipples are hard as too.

King of the Ring Semi–Finals: Test vs. Brock Lesnar

Hmm, I wonder what’s going to happen here. Apparently insiders are picking Test. That just makes me laugh. Heyman is freaking perfect for this job as he makes you want to hate Lesnar but he was just so awesome that he eventually got cheered anyway. The fans chant for Goldberg who wouldn’t be around for about 9-10 months. I think Test is a face here but no one cares at all.

They missed so badly on him that the only time to jump on him was nearly 3 years ago but it never happened. I’m not saying he should have carried the company but a week or two with the belt would have been ok. If nothing else it gives him instant credibility. This just doesn’t seem like a good idea as they’re both power guys but they both have muscles so Vince knows it’s a good idea right? Oh yeah Test beat Hurricane and Hardcore Holly while Brock beat Bubba and Booker T.

Basically Test keeps taking bit moves but kicking out while he never gets any long offense in. He hits a sidewalk slam but this is a glorified squash. They do let Test get offense in actually. Ok they let him get in all three of his big moves with the full nelson slam, the pumphandle slam and the big boot and Lesnar pops up from all of them. Then they decidet to let Heyman hit Test, because we can’t have Lesnar go over a muscle guy clean. Way to make Lesnar look dominant there. There F5 ends him.

Rating: C-. This was being as generous as I could be. The second half was just finisher, kick out, finisher, kick out, finisher, kick out etc. Lesnar was about as obvious as you could be to win the whole thing so this was just a waste of our time. The Heyman interference was annoying too though so whatever.

Coach goes to the Raw locker room to ask who they think will win. Bubba picks Lesnar and says he’ll get a shot eventually. Yes, they actually were pushing Bubba as a midcard guy. They had no idea what they were doing around this time.

Greg Lloyd asks Christian and Lance who is going to win. Lance is annoyed that it’s two Americans and no Canadians. This was the UnAmerican angle that was brilliant but went nowhere.

Hey Cole and Tazz are here, getting their first mention or face time 40 minutes into the show. They recap Jamie Noble vs. Hurricane which is because of Nidia. It was completely freaking stupid. My goodness Nidia was worthless.

Cruiserweight Title: Jamie Noble vs. Hurricane

This was either Noble’s first match or at least his first feud. Oh ok this is his second. Seriously, the recap is still going. It’s getting more time than the opening video. Oh and the heels unmasked him which Burchill is still trying to do. IT’S STILL GOING! I have absolutely no interest in this match at all. Hurricane was running around chokeslamming people. Nidia thinks she means something. That’s just amusing.

There’s a “she’s a crack w****” chant going as we flash back to ECW. She tries to trip Hurricane and misses. You grab the big white thing. It’s how you got a job more than likely as it certainly isn’t for your looks and talent. Oh Tuesday is the Divas Undressed thing. It was a lingire thing that went nowhere. There were some ok looks but that’s about it. As you can tell, I’m not talking much about the match.

This division and title were just jokes and it’s good that the title isn’t coming back. Let it go people. Oh dear we begin the sex jokes about Hurricane and why Nidia dumped him. I hate those. Oh blast it they’re using sleepers. I can barely stand the thought of this match already and they’re just boring me to death. This division was just a freaking waste. Wait a minute. This is a Smackdown match. WHY ARE LAWLER AND ROSS CALLING IT???

We have acknowledged that Tazz and Cole, the SMACKDOWN ANNOUNCERS are in the building, but instead we get Ross and Lawler who have nothing to do with these guys or their show talking about the match. What in the world is wrong with this? Hurricane and Nidia fight over his cape. Hurricane suplexes Noble over the ropes and he lands on his leg. Dang it he’s getting up so we have to keep going.

The main problem here is Nidia.  She’s so ridiculously annoying and won’t shut up.  Hurricane hits a swinging neckbreaker from the top rope. This match just needs to end. It’s all highspots and Nidia and only one of those things are interesting. Noble kicks out of the chokeslam which stuns the crowd. For some reason they’re into this. Hurricane crotches himself on the top and Noble powerbombs him for the title while Nidia shoves his foot off the ropes. They make out way too much after the match.

Rating: D-. And it passes for the highspots. This was just freaking pointless and of course they gave it 10 minutes. See, in WCW, this was successful because there WERE NO STORIES. It was all highspots and no stupid ugly women screaming all the time. Learn from that Vince.

We see Rock arriving earlier in the night. He would be given the title in a month for the sole reason of putting Brock over at Summerslam. That was probably Austin’s title but he blew that so Rock does it.

We recap Flair vs. Guerrero, which is because Flair wanted “one more run” and Guerrero and Benoit blamed him for Austin leaving. This right here is what I can’t stand about Flair. He might be able to work, but I’d bet anything that he goes over the younger and better (at the time) Eddie. Guerrero goes over his whole family which is like 35 people in something I just don’t get. Eddie runs down Flair and speaks a lot of Spanish.

Ric Flair vs. Eddie Guerrero

I get that everyone loves Flair, but we’re coming off of Hogan being WWE Champion. He has a match later tonight meaning that two guys in their 50s are getting PPV time. I get that they’re legends, but they should be here for one thing: putting people over. And nothing more. If that interview was live, he set a world record for fastest taping of his hands in history. Please let this get done fast.

Eddie imitates Flair which is so original that only about a dozen people have done it this year. Oh apparently this is supposed to be Eddie vs. Austin but we get Flair instead. Two weeks before this I saw that match at a house show and it was ok at best but Austin was still decent. Even still, you couldn’t have him fight Benoit or someone like that? Flair does all of his regular stuff and while it gets a pop, I just can’t get into it at all.

Granted this is my fourth review in two days so that likely has something to do with it. Flair asks for a time check and low blows Guerrero. That leads to, you guessed it, more chops. Flair is orange. That’s just disturbing. Guerrero works on the knee in a little twist on things. Figure four by Eddie but it’s on the wrong leg which to be fair Flair always did too. After a minute or so of trying to power out of it he just reaches up and grabs the middle rope without even having to straighten out his arm.

And now Eddie gives up on the legs and works on general offense. Well so much for psychology. And now we’re back on the floor. This is just meandering along at the slowest pace possible. When the announcers are calling out your lack of psychology you know it’s bad. Frog splash misses as this match needs to just end in a bad way. Flair goes to the knee and here’s Benoit. Flair bossing the referee around here is amusing for some reason.

And now we have some intelligence as Flair has the hold broken but he goes back to the legs. They try a pinfall reversal sequence and it just fails due to age and lack of ability anymore. Benoit puts the Crossface on Flair on the floor and Flair taps like an idiot. Benoit gets thrown out and while he does that, Bubba freaking Ray Dudley hits the Bubba Bomb on Eddie. Flair rolls in while Benoit chases Bubba and gets the pin. I knew it. I FREAKING KNEW IT.

Why in the world does Flair need to win this match? Can someone explain that to me at all? What does Flair gain here? He’s an old man that’s so far past his prime it’s pathetic, so let’s put him over a young and talented guy. God bless Vince.

Rating: D+. This was just SO boring. It goes on for 17 minutes and we get Bubba and Benoit deciding the ending. Seriously, we couldn’t have had Benoit vs. Eddie? They ahd to redo the story anyway so have one support Austin and one hate him. How hard is that? Apparently far too hard because we have Flair win the match. I really want to slap this PPV in the face.

Get the F Out Ad.

Regal and Chris Nowitski (Harvard guy) are at The World (WWF New York) and are complaining that their food isn’t here yet. The waitress says she’s still in school and Chris makes fun of her for going to a community college. Had he not gotten hurt, he could have ridden that gimmick for years. I remember X arguing with someone who said they went to some college. X just busts out that he went to Brown. Argument ended. Chris can do that too and it just ends things.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Molly Holly

It’s the pointless match of the month. Trish has just broken through the ceiling here and has some talent now while Molly is being the virgin and perfect character. Oh and apparently Molly is overweight. Molly is a good worker so this should be ok I guess. And it won’t matter anyway as the fans chant about puppies. And there you have the problem with this division. It’s still like that today and it always will be.

Ok, they’re working hard here, but King keeps talking about puppies and in two days they’re having the Undressed show. See what I mean? No matter how good the wrestling is it’s not going to mean a freaking thing and that’s pathetic. You can tell Ross is fed up with Lawler’s stupid lines and jokes. Molly misses her top rope flip but rolls up Trish and uses the tights for the win.

Rating: C+. The wrestling was very good here actually, but the commentary just sucked. It was all fat jokes. Seriously, grow up Lawler. You need to. Not as bad as Vince does though.

Angle, now bald but with a wig on, is with that Lloyd guy. Angle asks an interesting question: what did Hogan ever do to become a real American hero? Apparently he only is because Vince says so. This is some awesomely interesting stuff. I guess beating Nikolai Volkoff counts. Angle just rips Hogan to shreds here. I love how there were so many lines about him that were off limits but now that he’s fallen from grace everything comes out.

HOLY CRAP THE SMACKDOWN GUYS ARE TALKING!!! The recap starts with a recap of Hogan wanting to retire and “bow out gracefully”. That just amuses me. Vince says he can’t because he won’t let him. Hogan says he changed his mind so he can Vince, which led to Angle running in. Again, Hogan is another guy that just needs to retire, but he has TNA to ruin.

Kurt Angle vs. Hulk Hogan

This show just kind of sucks and I have a freaking hour to go in it. We fight over technical stuff to start. What I mean by that is Angle does and Hogan just does power stuff. Hogan keeps taking control despite not actually doing anything. Hogan goes for the hair piece and gets a shot in the red and yellow balls. I guess there’s one of each.

Ross says Hogan is as American as apple pie. That’s true. He’s overrated, strange looking, he’s stayed too long, he doesn’t do anything, he gets on people’s nerves, he lies, he cheats, he steals, he cheats on his wife and he tries to be too young. He’s a REAL AMERICAN! Hogan, apparently tired after the work from throwing punches and putting his hand to his ear, is put into a chinlock. Hogan HULKS UP and hits the big boot but instead of the legdrop he pulls the wig off.

After Angle runs, Hogan goes for the legdrop but Angle catches it into the ankle lock. Hogan actually taps and the fans are stunned. That helps the match about a full letter. Ross tries to save Hogan by saying that he held on as long as humanly possible, which is apparently about 15 seconds. Ross can’t remember Hogan ever tapping. That’s just amusing.

Rating: C-. Angle carried this thing completely. Hogan is just a waste here, but to his credit, he tapped. Had he not, this would have ended any chance this show has. Him tapping was right though and it made Angle look much stronger. Sweetness there.

We go to the back with Booker, wearing a WWE Crew shirt for no apparent reason, and Goldust who is dressed like Rock. You all know what’s coming, and there he is. Rock, whose arm is freaking MASSIVE, says that he’s here for the title match, and wonders what in the world is wrong with Goldust.

Goldie keeps touching himself and mentions something about ammunition in his canon. Rock FREAKS on him and asks what the point of Goldie is. This goes on for about 5 minutes and is hilarious. Rock is maybe the best promo man ever and definitely the best ever at comedy.

King of the Ring Finals: Rob Van Dam vs. Brock Lesnar

Ok, does ANYONE here think RVD can win? If you do, you’re a freaking idiot. Van Dam uses his kicks to start and goes for the legs which makes sense I guess. And there we are as Lesnar just beats the tar out of him. We go through the standard beating that you would expect as they’re keeping things simple here. Why do otherwise I guess? Lesnar hits all of his big power stuff and it works quite well.

He hits the bearhug but Van Dam gets out, making him better than Hogan I guess. RVD makes his comeback and actually hits the Five Star, but Heyman interferes and snaps his neck over the ropes. The problem is that RVD lands on Lesnar for the cover and it gets a long two. See, that’s smart and clever as they make Lesnar look strong by having him kick out, especially when Van Dam rarely covers right after the move anyway.

That’s well thought out and it maks Lesnar look good. Van Dam goes up but gets caught in an F5 which looked great for the pin to give Brock the crown in a 6 minute match. Can we please have a long one? Would it kill you?

Rating: C+. They kept Brock protected here and it worked fine. He’s kind of like Sheamus but not really. They’re not letting him be in there too long at a time and it’s letting him look awesome without being able to pick out his mistakes and flaws that really are pretty obvious. This was fine for what it was as Brock is more or less catapulted into the main event picture off of one win.

HHH runs into Shawn and Nash. Everyone is fine, even though we’re two months from HHH trying to kill Shawn. Oh it’s the NWO. I forgot about that. It was Nash, HBK, X-Pac and Show. Thankfully Bischoff came in and destroyed it. Apparently HHH has a long history with the NWO. They offer their help if needed.

We recap HHH vs. Taker which more or less is Hogan beat HHH and Taker beat Hogan. Taker is all about respect here and thinks HHH doesn’t respect him. Somehow this takes four minutes to recap.

WWE Title: HHH vs. Undertaker

They punch each other. A lot. This is all basic stuff and nothing of note happening here. We spice things up with a backdrop. This goes on for TEN FREAKING MINUTES. Taker was just dreadful around this time and HHH did nothing at all. I’m twelve minutes into this and I have nothing at all to say. There’s just nothing going on. You know that the match isn’t ending this early.

Oh Heyman came out about 5 minutes ago and is doing commentary and saying Rock left rather than face Brock. Why would he have to face him at all? They foreshadow Summerslam by saying Rock is certainly a match for Brock. This is like a WCW main event from the late 90s: all punching and walking. And yep we continue the WCW style with a ref bump. And that brings out Rock, complete with entrance music.

He runs off Heyman and you would think that when he puts on a headset that it means he would talk. Nope, that would make sense. We go to the floor with the referee still down and Taker kicks Rock in the face. They’re right in front of him, and Rock is looking at the monitor. Dude, you can see Taker looking at you and raising his foot. FREAKING DUCK! Wrestlers have never been accused of being brilliant I guess.

Of course this prompts Rock to beat the tar out of Taker but a chair shot meant for the man that isn’t alive hits HHH by mistake. A new referee comes down after a Last Ride and Taker just punches him. Taker gets a Rock Bottom but there’s no referee again. A Pedigree puts Taker down and HHH is bleeding from…something we didn’t see.

There’s no referee though and while HHH is trying to wake him up, Taker hits a low blow and rolls him up using the tights and TEN SECONDS LATER he gets the three. At least it’s over I guess. Rock was standing in the entrance to the arena for about the last three minutes of that. He hits the ring and beats up Taker and we get the elbow. HHH pedigrees Rock to end the show…never mind there’s another chokeslam so the old guy stands tall to end it.

Rating: D-. Oy this was bad. No one cared and it was just boring. Also, you would think this would lead up to these three at Vengeance, but Angle went in HHH’s place due to the complaints about how boring the original triple threat would be. That’s saying a lot. I have no idea who decided these two should have nearly half an hour but they should be made to watch this match. I mean it was BAD. They screwed up a rollup. Let that sink in for a bit.

Overall Rating: D. Aye aye aye what a show. There was just nothing appealing here whatsoever. I mean it just got worse and worse at it went on. Nothing stands out here as appealing or interesting to me. Brock winning obviously means a lot and Hogan losing is fun, but other than that there’s just nothing of note here. The show sucked and it sucked badly. At least it’s over though. In case you can’t tell, stay away from this.

I hope you guys enjoyed these reviews more than I did, as I was bored out of my mind most of the time. King of the Ring was just not a good concept for PPV. It helped a lot of people get big later on, but the shows themselves just flat out sucked more often than not. The three match per show formula worked far better, but it didn’t always mean a good show, like here. I hated this last one and three of the last four were just brutal.

It was usually more miss than hit, but shows like 01 and 98 were great ones. Tournaments just aren’t good for PPV and this is all the proof you need I would think. This is likely my last marathon as I’ll be shifting towards one review at a time as I find it FAR easier to do that way. Anyway, hope you liked it and keep reading or die. Seriously, those are your only options. If you don’t read my reviews, you will instantly die. I have no idea how, but you will. It’s the law.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Starrcade from Amazon for just $4 at:

 

TNA Weekly PPV #1
Date: June 19, 2002
Location: Huntsville, Alabama
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Don West, Ed Ferrara

So since last night was the 3 hour Impact, I thought it was a good time to go back to the beginning and take a look at the origins of TNA. This was the Wednesday night series when once a week for 9.95 you could watch the NWA. It’s still the old school show at this point and this is literally their first show ever. No one knew it would one day become as big as it is now, but it amazingly is.

This is from about the time that Hogan is world champion in the WWF. Actually no he’s not as Taker would have it at this point, but Hogan is still around. Anyway, let’s take a look back at almost 8 years ago and see how TNA got its start.

The intro is of course about the old days of the NWA because everyone wants to see that right? Don West brings out Ed Ferrara, who looks almost exactly like Road Dogg. I saw him and thought it was him. He even sounds like him. Tenay welcomes us to the show as apparently we have to start with a legends ceremony. There will be a new world champion tonight in the first ever Gauntlet for the Gold. It’s a Royal Rumble but the last two have a singles match.

Oh I’m going to get sick of Ferrara.

JB, in a four sided ring of all things, introduces some legends. Harley Race, Dory Funk Jr., Jackie Fargo, Bullet Bob Armstrong, Corisca Joe and Sara Lee (who ARE these people?), Bill Behrens, who wants you to know he likes the NWA and if you don’t know, he’ll make sure to tell you, Ricky Steamboat (NOW we’re getting somewhere! He has the world title with him and they say it must be like old times for him to have it.

That would be the case if he held that one and not the big gold belt which he actually had). Steamboat addresses the crowd. There actually was a reason for this starting the show: something about a no show or something and they had to reschedule things. Steamboat says he’s the referee for the main event tonight.

Jeff Jarrett interrupts and says the main event is going to suck. Well ok then. He says it’s going to be stupid and then Mike Tenay just sounds like a freaking moron by shouting answers at the questions that Jarrett asks. Jackie Fargo is annoying. He’s a legend, but he’s old. That’s the problem with the NWA: they believe that the fans care about these old guys that most of them have never heard of.

Apparently Fargo has matchmaking power and puts Jarrett in at number one. Ken Shamrock comes out and agrees it’s going to suck. Here’s Scott Hall. This feels like last night. Oh let’s reference the NWO again, because that’s SUCH a fresh idea. HALL says the battle royal will suck, but they have to do it so shut up. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? They had the three biggest stars in the company say that the show is going to suck. You can’t script this kind of stuff.

Some chick named Goldilocks talks to a midget. Take that Hornswoggle bashers.

AJ Styles/Low Ki/Jerry Lynn vs. The Flying Elvises

You read that name right. They’re Jorge Estrada, Jimmy (Wang) Yang and Sonny Siaki. It’s original if nothing else. AJ looks YOUNG here. He’s just a regular guy. The legends in the back aren’t sure what to say. They point out that this isn’t about weight limits, even though other than Joe, no one with any weight has ever held the belt and he was about 5 years away. Ok so the Elvises are heels. Got it.

The faces hit dropkicks and ranas to start. It’s your standard spotfest to start and that’s fine. It’s a tried and true method to get the crowd going so there we are. Next week we have the X-Division Title tournament in a round robin tournament. Cool. I might do more or these but we’ll see. More or less everyone just shows off for awhile which is what they’re supposed to do.

The X Division has never been about stories but just insanity and that’s perfectly fine. We start the Elvis puns and I shake my head. For the life of me I’ll never get how the Honky Tonk Man got over as much as he did. We get an MMA reference before MMA was cool. Here’s AJ who looks about 17 here. Estrada kicks his head off so there we go. Lynn hits the Cradle Piledriver and it’s all breaking down. We get our first Pele kick. Yang hits a rotating moonsault to pin AJ which means nothing at this point.

Rating: B-. This was fine. There was no story and there wasn’t supposed to be. This was to get the crowd going and it did just that and more. It’s really short but that’s fine. No problems here, but DANG AJ looked like he was in high school or something.

Hollywood vs. Teo

Yes, it’s a midget match. The irony here is STUNNING. Oh Teo is an EXTREME midget. Apparently Rey Mysterio was originally asked to be a midget wrestler in Mexico. That has nothing to do with the mask but they talk about it anyway as they need to get references to WWE in there to give them credibility.

I have no idea what the point to this match is. Teo hits a splash from the top that wasn’t bad. Naturally the biggest spot in the match gets two. A top rope leg drops gives Teo the win. His name stands for Totally E. Outstanding. Oh dear goodness.

Rating: N/A. It’s like two minutes long and I’ll spare the it was too short jokes. I’ve never gotten the appeal of these matches but whatever.

Girls dance.

Ferrara and West get in the ring to announce a lingerie battle royal for next week. They bring out some of the women for next week, including Francine, Joanie (no clue who that is), Daffney (they say she used to be Daffney but now she’s Shannon), Alexis Laree (Mickie James, pre implants), Sasha (no clue but she’s ugly), a Ravens cheerleader named Erin, Elektra from ECW, Taylor Vaughn (who is apparently familiar but I don’t know her) and some chick named Tarita.

This is just an eye candy segment but not a very good one. Mickie looks WAY different, to the point where I had trouble picking her out of a line. Francine and Elektra argue and it’s apparent why they never talked. They actually blame Francine for ECW going bankrupt. A guy would wind up winning the battle royal.

There’s a guy named Mortimer Plumtree. I can’t make this up. He’s a teacher apparently, just not a very good one. He would actually wind up managing AJ for awhile. He has a tag team that we don’t see. Oh wait it’s the Johnsons.

Johnsons vs. Psicosis/James Storm

Yes, it’s the tag team that wear masks and full body suits colored like human flesh. This team actually exists. Storm looks completely different too and it’s not a good thing either. Storm fires off some cap guns. Good for him. OH MAN he looks young. Apparently their names are Richard and Rod, or Dick and Rod. I hate this already. Ryan Shamrock comes out looking hot to watch them.

And now it devolves into nothing but jokes. They say Psicosis’ real name for absolutely no apparent reason. Ryan Shamrock, called Alicia, still is there. Storm hits a rana and a good one at that. They say Storm could be great. Not really but he’s not bad. And then he gets pinned off a bad TKO.

Rating: D+. This was just pointless. It’s like they have nothing but the main event and they know it. This was just freaking awful. The jokes were completely pointless and annoying. I have no clue what they were going for here but whatever.

The referee gives Ryan Shamrock money.

The Dupps, a hillbilly team, torment Goldilocks. They and some chick try to drink beer but some random as guy says not to. Ok then.

Two NASCAR guys are here for the sake of being NASCAR guys. Ron Killings (R-Truth) show up to interrupt them. Of course he’s a heel because he hates NASCAR and says it’s not a sport. Brian Christopher of all people shows up and beats up R-Truth. Naturally a match is set up for next week. Oh and his name is K-Krush here. Dang they got that one right eventually.

Jeff Jarrett harasses a 71 year old man. Thanks for killing another 15 seconds.

Christian York/Joey Matthews vs. The Dupps

The Dupps are named Stan and Bo. Stan Dupp. Oh dear. Their cousin is both of their girlfriends. I hate this gimmick already. The faces are your standard face cruiserweight tag team. They have a ton of charisma if nothing else, but they’re just generic. Ferrara needs to fall in a hole. After the faces dominate for about two minutes the girl interferes to crotch York for the pin.

Rating: F-. This was a waste of 4 minutes of my life. The heels had NO offense but they win on a fluke anyway. That’s just crap but of course it’s what they went with here. I hated this and they could have used it for ANYTHING else.

Toby Keith has one of his music videos played and then sings live. That’s completely pointless again but it’s considered an epic moment. Jarrett interrupts him and we start the battle royal now.

NWA World Title: Gauntlet for the Gold

Royal Rumble with 90 second clocks and then a singles match at the end. Jarrett is first and second is Buff Bagwell. Bagwell hits the Blockbuster and then is thrown out. Before the 90 seconds are up they have the next guy come in to avoid the clock just ticking away. I like that. Lash Leroux of all people is second. Just end this now. He’s out in about 45 seconds and Norman Smiley is 4th of 20.

There goes Norman after about a minute. This is just pointless. Apollo, a Puerto Rican wrestler with a great look is 5th. K-Krush is 6th and he saves Jarrett. Actually he doesn’t but the announcers say he does. This is just mindless stuff as nothing of note is happening and it’s just random stuff to fill in time, which is how you could describe the whole show to be fair. Oh hey let’s make fun of Toby Keith even more.

Tenay is TICKED that the heels are working together for no apparent reason. Slash, with James Mitchell who has a stable that we haven’t heard from until now, is 7th. He’s one half of PG-13 who was a big deal in Memphis and nowhere else. Jarrett saves him for no apparent reason. Must be a Tennessee thing. Del Rios who is another big guy is next. He’s a former USWA (Memphis) champion. He’s a Scott Steiner lookalike and they even point that out.

He’s better known as Phantasio, which is a guy that Monkey is a mark for. He was a wrestling magician of all things which somehow evolved into Papa Shango but was given to the guy that played him instead. Oh come on he’s even got the Superman S on his trunks. Some guy from NWA Wildside, a former WCW farm territory, is 9th. The clock is off the screen now and the times are getting longer. Konnan is 10th.

Every guy has their resume read with as many WCW, WWF and ECW references as we can get in there. He beats up everyone and the crowd loves him. We really need some eliminations. Joel Gertner who has lost about 100lbs brings out Bruce from a team called the Rainbow Express. Yes it’s a gay tag team and Billy and Chuck are a big deal at the moment. No coincidence there at all.

He’s Kwee Wee from WCW if you’re wondering. He’s the guy that wins the battle royal next week. MAYBE 15 seconds later, Rick Steiner comes out. Slash is out. There goes Justice who looks like a combination of Rhyno and one of the Pitbulls and now Rick goes after Jarrett. Malice (The Wall from WCW) is 13th. He chokeslams everyone in sight. Ok with Konnan it’s more like a chokeshove.

Truth makes up for it though by going WAY into the air. There goes Bruce, Truth, Del Rios, Konnan and Steiner are gone, leaving us with Malice, Apollo and Jarrett. Scott Hall is 14th to a huge pop and they actually give him a resume too, like he needs it. He’s the Outlaw now for no apparent reason. Hall hits a Razor’s Edge on Jarrett and here’s Toby Keith to suplex Jarrett and throw him out.

Oh how I hate singers trying to be wrestlers and failing so badly at getting people to care. Hall actually throws Jarrett out to make it count for the ridiculous NWA. Chris Harris is 15th and no one cares as no one knows who he is. Vampire Warrior (Gangrel) runs out early and beats up Harris. Ferrara will not shut up about Jarrett and I’m sick of him in ways I didn’t think were humanly possible.

Devon Storm, more commonly known as Crowbar from WCW, is next. The second biggest star in this match is Gangrel. That says the whole thing. Steve Cornio is 18th as I can’t believe this made it 5 weeks. Ken Shamrock is the penultimate entrant and he suplexes a lot of people. Brian Christopher, who should give his father 20% of every dollar he ever makes in wrestling because he never would have made a dime otherwise. A ton of people go out in succession and all by Christopher. Yes, they had him be a force.

The final five are Shamrock who is almost unrecognizable, Christopher (out before I finish his name), Malice, Apollo and Hall. Malice puts out everyone not named Shamrock, so it’s Ken Shamrock vs. the Wall for the world title. You read that right. This is just garbage as he survives the ankle lock for about 40 seconds before walking around just fine. A belly to belly ends a five minute nightmare.

Rating: F+. This was just a trainwreck. We had Brian Christopher, Gangrel, Lash Leroux and Norman Smiley in the main event. Let that sink in for a bit. Also, Shamrock beats the Wall for the title. Why not Hall, who people at least know? This was just a mess, much like the whole show. I have no idea what the point here was but it was bad. This was ¼ of the show, and that’s just unacceptable. The booking was off the wall as SHAMROCK, who hadn’t been seen in about two years and looked awful, gets the belt.

Jackie Fargo, who looks and sounds older than his 71, wants to fight Jarrett who wants to fight Toby Keith but Scott Hall fights Jarrett next week. They brawl to end this mess.

Overall Rating: D-. And that’s being generous. This was awful on all levels as nothing of note happens with the main event was just a trainwreck. When the three biggest names you have all say the main event is stupid, it hurts things badly. There is zero flow to this and if I didn’t know better, I would have bet on this not making it three months.

They changed things up a lot and it got a ton better, namely when Russo and a ton of other guys showed up to replace guys like the Dupps and the jokes in the main event. Definitely stay away from this one as it’s awful.

 

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WWA: The Retribution
Date: February 9, 2003 (Taped December 6, 2002)
Location: Scottish Exhibition and Conference Center, Glasgow, Scotland
Attendance: 3,000
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, Disco Inferno

Amazingly enough this company has made it through a year plus and are touring Europe as of this show. The main event is Luger vs. Sting for the vacant WWA World Title. Scott Steiner had won the title, only to sign with WWE. This resulted in the legendarily terrible Steiner vs. HHH matches, so the main event here has to be better. Like literally it’s not possible for a match to be worse. Let’s get to it.

We open with Australian guy named Andrew (from the other shows. I think he’s the owner) getting a phone call, saying that someone will be here. Mike Sanders is in his office and apparently he’ll be commissioner tonight.

Since we’re in Scotland, some bagpipe players come out of a castle set.

Borash brings out Disco Inferno to a lot of booing. I don’t know why or how he stayed in wrestling so long, but dang if he didn’t keep a job forever.

Kazarian vs. Shark Boy

TNA is around at this point but it’s still in its very early days, so there’s a chance these guys have both been there. It’s a smart move to have guys like these open the show as they should be able to fire up the crowd. Kaz looks almost identical to how he does ten years later, just with longer hair here. The lighting has a blue tint to it here and it sounds like the audio is coming through like normal commentaries do instead of through the arena speakers.

Disco gets the comedy going fast by suggesting that Shark Boy was conceived on the set of Jaws and may be the son of Richard Dreyfuss. Kaz is the heel here and gets caught by an early hiptoss and some chops in the corner. Sharky sends him to the floor and gets caught by a plancha. Kaz is pulled back in but sends Shark Boy into the middle buckle to take over. An atomic drop puts Kaz down and Sharky bites him on the trunks for good measure. The referee gets one too and the fans are way into Shark Boy.

Kaz comes back with a quick leg lariat to take over before getting two off a snap belly to belly suplex. We hit a quick chinlock but Sharky fights up, only to be backdropped out to the floor. Back in and a leg sweep takes Shark Boy down for two but Kaz misses a guillotine legdrop to give us a breather. Shark Boy comes back with right hands and a one knee Codebreaker for two.

Kaz has his head pounded in the corner and there’s a bite by Sharky for good measure. A top rope rana brings Kaz down for two but a SWEET bicycle kick takes Shark Boy down again. Kaz, still “The Future” at this point, hits Back to the Future (a bridging electric chair drop) for two, only to have Shark Boy take him to the corner for the Dead Sea Drop (dragon sleeper flipped over into a Stunner, more commonly known as Diamond Dust) and the pin.

Rating: C. This was fine and the perfect kind of match to open a show like this. You take two fast paced guys and let them go out there for six minutes of high spots. It’s nothing great but it didn’t need to be. These are two young guys getting a shot and they did a good enough job with it so it’s a good start here.

Time for the traditional commissioner promo after the opening match, this time from Mike Sanders. He immediately calls Disco a jackass before playing to the crowd a bit. Some music randomly plays in what seems to be a technical issue. Sanders seems to be a face here despite being a heel for most of his career. He runs down the rest of the card before being interrupted by Joe E. Legend. For those of you unfamiliar, Legend is a journeyman who once lost clean to the Brooklyn Brawler on a WWF weekend show in 2001. Let that sink in for a bit.

Anyway Legend runs down the crowd with some very lame insults before talking about being the best this business has to offer. Legend talks about being the best this business has to offer and lists off some names he’s beaten such as Buff Bagwell, Luger, Sabu and Sting. I’d love to see any of those matches. He does get in a good line of “heroes come and go but legends live forever.” They trade gay jokes until Sanders flips him off. A match is made between the two of them for later tonight.

Konnan vs. Nate Webb

Some of you might know Webb from CZW. His nickname is Spyder and he looks like Vampiro. Perry Saturn jumps him as he comes in for no apparent reason before hitting a quick powerbomb, a Death Valley Driver and the Rings of Saturn. Webb is dead so the bell rings and Konnan pins him in three seconds.

Konnan jumps in on commentary and talks about how tiring that was. That’s not funny.

One of the midgets comes in to see Midajah and asks her to be his valet tonight. Puppet, the hardcore midget, comes in and says she’s his valet. Sanders comes in and makes Willy Wonka jokes. Midajah is made a referee for later. Eh her dress is low cut enough to make up for this.

Johnny Swinger/Buff Bagwell vs. Norman Smiley/Malice

Smiley comes out alone and gets jumped by the heels. Malice is more famous as The Wall from the dying days of WCW and was the initial monster heel of TNA. He and Smiley clear the ring and it’s already time to stall. Bagwell and Malice get things going as Disco is talking about Steve Austin for some reason. Buff pounds away a bit but walks into a spinebuster and backbreaker for no cover. Off to Swinger to pound on Malice, only to be thrown down as well.

Smiley comes in for some technical stuff, but it’s time to dance! A sunset flip out of the corner gets two for Norman as Johnny is in early trouble. Bagwell trips Norman up though, allowing Swinger to hit a jawbreaker to take over. Smiley gets elbowed down and it’s off to Buff to work on the back. Off to Swinger again to pound away on Smiley in the corner as this match is already slowing down. Buff comes back in to ram Smiley into the corner as Disco talks about Buff and Mike Sanders playing squash.

Swinger gets two off a neckbreaker as we’re just waiting on the hot tag to Malice. Smiley finally gets in a forearm to Buff’s face and it’s off to Malice. The big guy cleans house and throws Bagwell to the outside. Smiley slams Swinger down and we get the Big Wiggle, which involves Swinger being spanked. A low blow sends Norman reeling and the Buff Blockbuster pins Smiley.

Rating: D+. I’ve seen worse but this was only happening to fill in about twelve minutes of the PPV time. It’s clear that they don’t have much going on with stories at this point, meaning we’re likely to get a lot of matches between people with nothing in common and no reason to fight. The match wasn’t bad but it didn’t do anything of note.

NWA World Champion Jeff Jarrett is here to get back at Nathan Jones for something not important enough to talk about.

Puppet vs. Teo

Midajah is guest referee and is there so she can wear tiny shorts and knee high boots. Teo starts with some punches in the corner but gets caught in a bulldog for two. The smaller one (Teo) stomps away in the corner and seems to have the fans actually caring for him. Puppet comes back with a release TKO for no cover. He finally puts a boot on Teo’s chest for a VERY slow two from Midajah. Teo hits a middle rope missile dropkick for no cover before going up top and hitting a Swanton for the pin.

Rating: D-. The shorts looked good and that’s about it. I mean the ones on Midajah, not the short guys in the ring. I don’t care for these kind of matches as they’re not interesting or funny and I really don’t get the appeal of them. Puppet would annoy fans in TNA for weeks as well, resulting in him pulling a gun on someone.

Post match Saturn runs in and beats both guys down before saying he had an open contract for tonight. He hits on Midajah and kisses her before dragging her to the back.

Joe E. Legend vs. Mike Sanders

Joey pounds away in the corner to start but Sanders comes back with right hands of his own. Mike is sent to the apron and comes back in with a slingshot headscissors before whipping Legend to the floor. With nothing happening on the outside we go back in for Legend to stomp Mike down in the corner. An armdrag gets three straight near falls for Legend and it’s off to a cravate. Mike clotheslines him down but Legend nips up and takes Mike’s head off with a clothesline of his own.

A high kick to Sanders’ head gets another two count so he whips Sanders hard into the corner. Legend gets another two count off a sitout powerbomb but Mike puts him down with a release German suplex. Mike makes a basic comeback with a backdrop and a kick to the chest, followed by a knee drop for two. Legend hits a kind of clothesline to set up a good looking guillotine legdrop for two. Mike comes back again with a neckbreaker for two, only to get caught in a driving knee to the back of the head (think like a Fameasser) for two more. Joey misses a moonsault and gets superkicked down for the pin.

Rating: D. There was nothing here but a bunch of spots. At the end of the day there was no story or reason for this match to happen other than Joey (has anyone ever seen him wrestle before?) insulting the Scottish people. Sanders was WAY out of his element as a face here, making the match yet another filler piece.

Post match Sanders hypes up the no rules three way dance with Simon Diamond, Sabu and Saturn.

Lex Luger, in Philadelphia 76ers gear for some reason, says that he and Sting have been friends for years (aside from Luger hiring a bunch of madmen to try to take him out back in the early 90s) but tonight they’re both going to have fun fighting for a title.

NWA World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Nathan Jones

Jarrett is defending in case you’re very new at this. Jones is a 7ft monster but absolutely terrible in the ring. Apparently these two have traded wins recently. The referee here looks to be about 857 years old. Nathan shoves him down to start but gets punched in the corner. Jones charges into a pair of boots in the corner but grabs Jeff for a chokeslam. The champ kicks him in the leg to stop the choke, only to be caught in a spinning side slam.

A Cactus Clothesline puts both guys on the floor and Jarrett is in trouble. Jones picks up a chair which is promptly taken away from him and we go back inside. Jeff kicks the knee out again and hits the running crotch attack in 619 position. Off to a sleeper by the champ who is apparently bleeding from the eye. After that gets broken up, Jeff bails to the floor and wedges a chair between the top and middle ropes.

Jones hits a Samoan drop to free the chair and get a near fall at the same time. Back up and Nathan goes for the chokeslam, only to have Jeff throw the referee into the grip instead. For some reason Nathan doesn’t just, you know, LET GO, he throws the referee into the corner, allowing Jarrett to bash Jones with the guitar to retain.

Rating: D. It’s very clear that Jones has nothing to offer at all other than a good look. He would join the WWE soon after this and be one of the biggest busts in recorded history, being taken out of Wrestlemania due to the company thinking there was no way he could be put on live television. Nothing to see here other than a token title defense.

Sabu vs. Simon Diamond vs. Perry Saturn

This is a hardcore match because Sabu can’t wrestle anything else. Saturn is freshly released from WWE and has been out for awhile with a knee injury. Disco does the intros here for no apparent reason. Before the match, Simon complains about having to be in a hardcore match despite being a top level athlete. Saturn still has the kidnapped Midajah with him here. She’s also in a different outfit than she was earlier.

The fans immediately chant for ECW, obviously getting what the promoters were shooting for. Diamond gets double teamed to start so he bails to the floor. Saturn throws Sabu down but Sabu trips him up, leading to a slugout. Diamond comes back in when they both go down for near falls on both guys. Saturn hiptosses Sabu to the floor but gets rolled up by Simon, as this three way battle of the S’s continues.

Sabu comes back in for a triple headlock spot (usually a sleeper in ECW but I guess WWE bought that concept in the acquisition) before Diamond is sent to the floor. A spear by Saturn puts Sabu down, only for Sabu to come back with a springboard leg lariat for two. Diamond and Saturn go to the floor while Sabu sets up a chair in the ring. A BIG dive takes out everyone and we all lay down on the floor for a bit. Diamond and Saturn seem to hook up, but Sabu pelts the chair at Saturn’s head as he comes back in.

Time for Simon vs. Sabu for a bit but Saturn comes back in and rams the chair into Sabu’s throat. Midajah is still at ringside despite her captor being occupied in the ring. Saturn suplexes both guys down but doesn’t seem interested in going for a pin. Diamond is back in now to clothesline Saturn down and put Sabu in a shoulder hold on the mat. Saturn is busted open badly around his eye. With Sabu down, Simon puts on an armbar at the same time that Saturn puts on a leg lock. Simon lets go first to stop Saturn before loading up a table on the floor.

Diamond tries to suplex Sabu over the top and through the table but it’s Saturn making the save with a chair shot to the ribs. Simon falls to the floor so Saturn can pose for a bit. He poses too long though and Simon comes back in with a suplex to take Saturn down. Sabu hits Saturn with the chair and hits the Arabian Facebuster on Simon. Saturn is laid out on the table outside as Simon is ranaed off the top by Sabu. Perry comes back in with a top rope elbow drop on Simon for no cover.

Now it’s Sabu taking over with running leg lariats to both guys but Saturn breaks up the Triple Jump Moonsault. There are the Rings of Saturn on Sabu but Simon makes the save. An electric chair puts Saturn down but a clothesline puts Simon on the floor. Saturn suplexes Diamond through the table before loading up another one. Diamond is laid out on the table where Sabu dives through it and him.

Cue the freaking midgets again to beat up Saturn with kendo sticks, drawing in Midajah. She defends Saturn for absolutely no apparent reason, allowing Saturn to get two on Sabu after a Death Valley Driver. All the guys are down so the midgets strip Midajah. Saturn covers her up and walks out as Simon hits a reverse DDT for two on Sabu. The chair is pelted at a diving Diamond and it’s a Triple Jump Moonsault to Simon’s legs for the pin, FINALLY ending this.

Rating: D. WHO DECIDED TO GIVE THIS SEVENTEEN FREAKING MINUTES????? Sabu is the kind of guy who should never be given more than about eight minutes, so these knuckleheads decided to DOUBLE that? The match was the biggest collection of mostly missing spots that you’ll see this side of ECW, but it had tables in it so it’s awesome right?

Sting says he knows Luger but tonight it’s about the title. He talks about building character over the last 18 months, which has made him stronger but driven Luger nuts.

WWA World Title: Sting vs. Lex Luger

This is both guy’s debut with the promotion, so naturally they’re in a world title match. Luger picks up the ball bat but hands it to Sting as the fight begins. Sting knocks him to the floor and Luger stalls early on. Back in and Sting takes him right back to the floor with a clothesline. Since that much wrestling is too much for Luger, he grabs a mic and says if that’s how Sting wants to play, so be it.

Now Sting gets a mic and says that we’re in Scotland. This is in the middle of the match remember. He talks some trash about Luger and the fans chant something at him. Luger takes it to the floor again and Sting misses the Splash against the barricade. Back in and Sting kicks him in the leg but a top rope splash hits knees. Some weak kicks to the ribs have Sting in more trouble before they collide, allowing Sting to do his falling headbutt to the crotch spot. Sting takes over with his usual clotheslines and faceplant but the referee is caught by the Stinger Splash. Jarrett, two guitars to Sting, Luger wins the title.

Rating: F. This was a seven minute match and they cut two promos in the middle of it. Luger wrestled enough to fill a 90 second match and walks out with the world title as a result. This was to set up Sting vs. Jarrett, as Sting won the title a week later at a house show. Anyway, TERRIBLE match here and an embarrassment for both guys.

The announcers wrap things up (for five minutes) to end the show.

Overall Rating: F. When a six minute match between Shark Boy and Kazarian that is ok at best if you REALLY stretch it is the match of the night, you’ve got a major problem. This show absolutely sucked and was the longest two hours I can remember sitting through in a long time.There are no stories anywhere in sight and it’s clearly just a bunch of guys having matches because it’s a cheap payday.  Absolutely terrible stuff and thank goodness there’s only one show left.

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Insurrextion 2002
Date: May 4, 2002
Location: Wembley Arena, London, England
Attendance: 10,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is just after Backlash 2002 where Hogan won the world title from HHH. Naturally the Undisputed Champion isn’t here but why should he waste his time on something like that? The two most important things here though are that two days after this we GET THE F OUT and it’s WWE. This is also the debut of the single brand show, making this an historical show which is likely going to suck. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about bringing the fight across the ocean or something like that. It’s REALLY bland which is how most of these shows were.

Intercontinental Title: Eddie Guerrerovs. Rob Van Dam

This show sold out in 21 minutes apparently. Not bad.Well this should be good if nothing else. Eddie won the title at Backlash and this is one of the rematches. They trade control to start as the fans are way behind RVD. Both of these guys are incredibly fast. Catching Van Dam is like pouring smoke through a keyhole. Where does he get these metaphors? Eddie takes over as I have a feeling this is going to be the best match on the card for the rest of the night.

The fans are all over Eddie here as he puts on something like an ankle lock. You know for two guys of this caliber, this isn’t really anything special. That always plagues these shows: everything you see here has been done elsewhere and done better. That and you know there’s nothing significant coming so why bother watching? I guess that’s the benefit of being in America as we get the main stuff.

Van Dam gets us to even with a superkick which is fair since Shawn is still out hurt. Monkey flips are fun but how did they get that name I wonder. Five Star misses though and I wonder how alive Eddie’s hair is. There’s no way that’s not a creature that lives there in hiding. Eddie goes to get the belt but nails the referee for the DQ when he tries to take it from him. RVD beats him up afterwards and hits a Five Star to make the fans smile.

Rating: C+. Nothing all that great here but it was ok. A match with these two is really hard to mess up and this was certainly watchable. It just didn’t have that pop though and that hurts it a bit. It got the crowd going though so that’s the main goal. Van Dam was very exciting back around this time when he wasn’t getting old (he’s like 32 here) . He would get the title back in like a month.

Molly and Jazz get Trish and Jackie later. Molly hates Terri, the interviewer.Molly can’t act at all. This is in the virgin period which was rather funny. It ends with Terri showing her bra to the girls. This was idiotic.

Trish Stratus/Jackie vs. Molly Holly/Jazz

Trish was just starting to get the hang of wrestling here but had a long way to go. Lawler makes various sex jokes and Ross’ reaction of not getting it is great. Apparently the virgin aspect was a real life thing for Molly. That’s very awesome. Trish comes in and Lawler keeps using slang that I don’t get. I still don’t get why they picked Jazz if they wanted to have a girl from ECW. She wasn’t very well known there at all but I get the whole fighter thing.

Why do so many women use the handspring elbow? Trish throws those forearms of hers and takes Jazz down. She gets a backslide but Jackie messes things up. Yeah I’m stunned too. We get some BAD spot calling which is always fun to catch. This isn’t terrible but it’s kind of all over the place. Trish vs. Jazz or Molly would have worked much better.

Jackie gets caught in a Boston Crab and taps her fingers on the mat. STF is broken up by Trish as Lawler talks about flying puppies. Jackie hits a tornado DDT on Molly and Trish hits Stratusfaction on Jazz to get a double pin. Trish was clearly getting better and was clearly going to be a big star. Lita was out with a broken neck but she was getting back soon.

Rating: C. Not bad here at all but Jackie and Jazz kind of held it back a bit. Not that they’re bad in the ring but that they just weren’t that interesting and not a lot of people cared about them at all. This was more of a way to get Trish over than anything else which is what it was supposed to do.

X-Pac tells Hall to stay in the back for his match in a kind of pointless segment.

Bradshaw vs. X–Pac

This is NWO time here which would be done in like a month. Bradshaw kept getting little mini-pushes to see how he would handle them. He would be world champion in a little over two years though so apparently they worked. Pac has Kane’s mask for some reason that I don’t remember. Oh yeah Kane was the guardian of the NWO or something according to the Draft.

Who would have guessed that Bradshaw would be a far more successful guy in the end than Pac? The middle turnbuckle gets exposed and the referee is fine with this for some reason. He’s busted open now and Pac goes for it. This is nothing special but it’s working to fill in the time. It’s just a weird pairing though. Pac uses one of the worst chokes I’ve seen in a long time.

He does the ten punches in the corner and gets powerbombed out of his shoes. Wow my sarcasm isn’t coming at all here. Not sure if that’s because of me or the match but it’s just not there this time. I think it’s because of the match as I just do not care about this at all, but that could be the era and the British aspect. These shows all have tendencies to just not be interesting at all for obvious reasons.

Bradshaw gets a nice top rope shoulderblock which is as simple of a move as possible: just throw yourself at the other guy with as much weight as possible behind it. Fall Away Slam gets two and here’s Hall, probably to sue for copyright issues. He hits Bradshaw in the head with knunchucks for two which I thought was the finish. The Bronco Buster misses and I begin to smile. Hall interferes again and the X-Factor ends it. I hate that move.

Rating: C-. It’s not bad really which surprises me. I expected this to be pretty horrible but it really worked in the end. Pac against a big guy being watchable isn’t something I’m used to typing but this was actually decent. I’m still not sure why this was happening but they mentioned something about Austin and Bradshaw and the NWO stopping them from teaming up. I was pleasantly surprised here though.

Taker talks about beating up HHH. He’s a heel here and a real American. It’s weird hearing him talk like this.

Hardcore Title: Steven Richards vs. Booker T

Now here’s a weird pairing. Stevie has short hair here and won the title on Raw from Bubba Dudley. Booker fighting for the Hardcore Title is just weird. Richards is in long black and blue tights which look weird on him. We start breaking out the weapons with nothing being out of the ordinary. Richards throws them out as Booker throws them in. He wants a straight match with Booker?

We get a few weapons used as we realize that Booker is Booker and Richards is Richards and it just goes downhill from there for the champion. DANG that trashcan lid cracked over Booker’s head. A sidekick misses and Booker is in trouble. We get a chinlock in a hardcore match. There isn’t much going on here but to see this pairing is just odd. Also, Booker is high enough on the card that he’s in a hardcore title match? Really?

Missile dropkick into a trash can into Richards only gets two in a surprising kickout. SICK Steven Kick and down goes Booker. That looked GREAT. Booker catches him in a Book End and pins him in easily the biggest win of his career. Crash takes a Scissors Kick and Booker is a two time champion. Justin Credible and Tommy Dreamer run out and beat down Booker. He fights them off and it’s Spinarooni Time! It’s also Jazz and Richards time as they come in and hit a flapjack onto the table. It doesn’t break and only gets two in a painful looking spot. Another one goes through it and Steven gets the title back and bails.

Rating: C+. The match was actually pretty entertaining. Richards could have decent matches in the ring when he was being serious as he was here. Booker beating him makes sense though as he’s a former world champion so it’s not like he was going to lose the initial match one on one. These title changes were fun for the house shows as you see multiple title changes and get to see history, but it changes really fast which makes it fun. That’s what this was: fun.

We recap Brock’s first PPV match which was a total squash of Jeff Hardy. Brock’s partner tonight is…..Shawn Stasiak? He’s completely insane here and Heyman goes over the battle plan: Brock starts, Brock finishes and Shawn never comes in. It’s so weird to look at Brock here and then as the unstoppable force that made Carwin tap.

Hardy Boys vs. Shawn Stasiak/Brock Lesnar

I can’t imagine this ends with anything other than the Hardys pinning Stasiak. Apparently Lita just got hurt and had surgery like 5 days before this so she’s gone for awhile. Stasiak runs past Brock and Heyman so he can start. They double team Shawn and it’s not pretty. Lesnar comes in and Matt beats the tar out of him. Lesnar is like boy please and just kills him with shoulders.

Brock just destroys Matt and this is fun to watch. Ross put Lesnar over like a god and that’s what he came off as. Heyman is either on a mic or really loud and his yelling is awesome. Brock misses a charge and hits the post so Shawn tags himself in. Jeff gets the hot tag and beats Shawn down before the Hardy’s usual stuff ends him. Both of them get F5s (not named yet) and Stasiak gets a powerbomb. Lesnar was freaking SCARY and still is to this day.

Rating: D+. Pretty basic match but the idea was perfect: Brock dominates but the Hardys win while keeping Brock undefeated. This was fine for what it was and a decent enough match. I still don’t get how Brock was ever allowed to leave. You pay him whatever you want and do it as fast as you can to get him to stay. Either way, he made the right choice it seems. Match was fine.

We see clips of a charity dinner last night for Make-A-Wish. Nothing wrong with that so no jokes.

Coach is with Regal who of course gets cheered. He has Spike tonight for the European Title and cuts a heel promo about it. Nothing special at all here.

European Title: Spike Dudley vs. William Regal

I can imagine someone in the crowd looking up at their mother and saying “Mummy, he weighs money?” Spike is very hated here but he should be used to that over the years. And Spike has hurt his ankle. It looks legit and the match more or less stops as the trainer comes down to check on it. They start to take him to the back and Regal jumps him, taking away any semblance of realness here. Regal beats him up but gets small packaged for the pin. Power of the Punch hits after that.

Rating: N/A. With so much of the match being based around the ankle thing you can’t really grade it fairly. I don’t really get the idea of not putting the belt on Regal here as it’s not like it meant anything and it would have given the fans a thrill. This at least wasn’t the same basic ending as always.

We recap Show vs. Austin. Flair is guest referee which started because at Backlash, Taker beat Austin but Austin had his foot on the rope. Flair was referee there too and didn’t see it which makes sense. This led to Show joining the NWO for the reason of he’s the Giant and that’s what they did in WCW so they’re going to do it here.

Big Show vs. Steve Austin

Flair is the referee and the owner of Raw at this point. He says that he’s there to keep X-Pac and Hall out. Oh he’s just the outside referee. Show is the biggest athlete in the history of sports entertainment apparently. Old school Austin music here and a great pop, but not like it used to be.

Austin flips him off to start and we stand around a lot. Ok we need to like DO something here. This was right before Austin bailed just because he was unhappy with his angles or something. We finally get some offense in as Show pounds away on Austin’s chest. This is during the WHAT period so we get it a lot.

He goes for the knees as you would expect. Why does Show think a one piece swimsuit is a good idea? The fans think Show is a big fat bastard. It’s weird to see Austin on offense this long. The straps come down and Austin is in trouble. It’s all Show for awhile here as he beats up Austin for a good bit here.

We hit a bearhug for awhile just to waste some time. Why do all bearhugs end with punches and biting? It amuses me greatly that we have Austin, perhaps the greatest brawler ever while using a move named after one of the most famous technical guys ever. Stunner hits but the referee is down. Hall and Pac come out and that goes nowhere as Flair chases them off.

Nash shows up and takes a Stunner. A jumping Stunner ends Show in a cool visual. Flair comes back and chases off Nash before we have a beer bash. Flair drinks too without being asked. Guess what happens. Flair kisses up to him for some reason and it goes nowhere. He doesn’t sell the kick at all and there it is.

Rating: D+. Pretty boring match here with not a lot actually happening. This was just a way to get the crowd excited as Austin was certainly still a big deal. He was about to start feuding with Flair which led to him leaving for about 8 months before coming back for his last match with Rock at Mania 19. Not a very good match but the fans liked it.

We recap HHH vs. Taker. Taker cost HHH the Undisputed Title at Backlash and that’s about it.

Undertaker vs. HHH

Taker’s music is dubbed over here with generic rock music even though you see Limp Biskit on the screen. Taker gets a much better pop than HHH. HHH is a Smackdown guy but since this is a grudge match it’s ok I guess. We start with a small slugout and HHH wins. Taker goes Old School but HHH “jerks him off” to escape.

We brawl on the floor again as this is far different than their really good Mania match from about 14 months before this. HHH is really good at overselling stuff. Taker goes for the knee which HHH had repaired recently. HHH comes back and the top rope breaks on an Irish Whip. You can hear them talking to make sure they know what’s going on which is always interesting.

Taker with short hair just never worked for me. He just didn’t fee right. A bunch of powerw stuff doesn’t work on him and HHH isn’t sure what to do. I think HHH countered the chokeslam into a DDT. That chokeslam hits though as the Pedigree is countered. Taker broke HHH’s heart when he cost him the title. That’s just amusing for some reason.

Taker was using a Dragon Sleeper around this time and tries to do so here but it doesn’t work. Out of nowhere HHH gets the Pedigree to end this. Yes, Taker did a perfectly clean job in the middle of the ring. I can’t believe it either.

Rating: B. This wasn’t exactly their Mania match, but it was a fun slugout and they beat the tar out of each other. Taker jobbing is always fun to see if nothing else. This was designed to be a big main event and that’s what it was. How many times do you see these two fight? It’s not a match that you get very often which is what makes it special. Taker would win the title at the next PPV.

Overall Rating: B. This was probably the best European show that I can think of. The main event was fun and we actually got some title changes although you know there should be some asterisks there. The show was fun here and everything worked very well overall. The crowd clearly was into it and for a glorified house show, this was very fun and definitely worth checking out at some point.

 

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TNA Weekly PPV #14
Date: September 25, 2002
Location: Tennessee State Fairgrounds Arena, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Don West, Mike Tenay

So after last week’s near disaster we’re back to Tennessee for more of TNA’s early nonsense. This week our main event is Jarrett vs. BG James to keep up the feud that no one is really interested in but it’s Jarrett’s company so there’s not much else you can do. Other than that we’ve got Lynn vs. Killings again, although this time for the X Title. Let’s get to it.

We open in the back with Siaki and Lynn brawling due to Sonny costing Lynn the world title last week.

Tenay and West run down the card.

Sonny Siaki vs. Jerry Lynn

Siaki is a more generic heel now and isn’t dressed like Elvis anymore. Red takes him out before Siaki can eve get to the ring with a senton followed by a shooting star off the apron. They head inside where Siaki comes back with a flapjack and neckbreaker for two, only to have Red snap off a pair of kicks. The Amazing one shrugs off some shoulders in the corner to hit a reverse tornado DDT for two more.

Red charges into a backdrop to send him to the floor though, allowing Siaki to drop him onto various metal things. Somewhat geeky manager Mortimer Plumtree is watching from the ramp. Back in and Siaki gets a few near falls off a belly to belly suplex before putting on a quick bearhug. Red fights out and seems to leave a leapfrog a bit short. Oh wait he landed on Siaki’s back on purpose to turn it into a sunset bomb for two. Red hits a kind of STO off the middle rope but misses some kind of a dive off the top, allowing Siaki to hit a kind of neckbreaker for the pin.

Rating: C+. Good opener here with power vs. speed which almost never fails. Red was a flip machine which is fine, as Siaki played the heel role well at this point. I don’t remember Red being around much before this so seeing him was a nice surprise for the fans. He would be a big cult favorite for a long time.

Post match Jorge Estrada pops up on the stage and says before tonight is over, he’s getting Siaki’s Elvis gear. I’ve heard of worse reasons for a feud.

In the back, Ron Killings is beating up Amazing Red, shouting that he’s getting rid of the X-Division because it devalues the world title.

We recap America’s Most Wanted (Harris and Storm) winning the tag belts last week.

Tag Titles: James Storm/Chris Harris vs. Brian Lee/Ron Harris

This is a tables match and Harris/Storm aren’t known as AMW yet. For the sake of simplicity, only Ron Harris will be referred to as Harris here. The challengers jump them to start and only one person has to go through the table for the win. It’s Lee pounding on Chris to start but Chris comes back with a backdrop and clothesline to put both guys on the floor. Chris dives on Lee but gets caught, only to have Storm dive as well to take everyone down.

Another brawl breaks out as the tables haven’t been a factor yet. Harris pounds Chris down before it’s back to Lee for more slow pounding. Harris slides in a table and sets it up in the corner but Storm makes the save. After Storm is sent out, Harris powerslams Chris down instead of sending him through a table because Harris isn’t that bright. He does the same thing with a suplex and it’s off to Lee for some of the worst elbow drops you’ll ever see. He basically pulls his elbow up before hitting Chris’ chest.

Lee misses a top rope knee drop and Chris makes the tag off to Storm. Everything breaks down and Harris is knocked to the floor. Lee is sent to the apron but manages to clothesline both champions down. AMW fights up and knocks Lee off the apron through a table which I don’t remember being set up to retain.

Rating: D-. Not only did the match suck, but did we really need a gimmick to protect RON FREAKING HARRIS and Brian Lee? TNA is trying to push AMW as a big deal but they can’t even get a clean pin over these two lunkheads? Last week there was the mess with the ropes and now they have to have a tables match? Is Ron Harris’ spot THAT important? The match sucked too as the tables were barely a factor.

Post match Harris beats up the champions and puts Storm through a table. Security comes out to break it up until Don Harris, Ron’s twin brother, comes out for a staredown. The champions are a complete afterthought here, and we get the last thing we need here: ANOTHER guy named Harris.

In the parking lot, Bruce gets into a fight with a handicapped woman named Sara the Ticket Lady. Can we please end this character already?

Here’s Ron Killings to complain about how bad of a town “Trashville” is. Truth complains about rats and says the fans wouldn’t like them in their bed. That’s either a stupid line or a REALLY clever insider lingo joke but we’ll go with the former. He’s also not happy with the prejudice going on around here because he hasn’t seen Ricky Steamboat since he won the title. Truth doesn’t like not having merchandise or a private dressing room and as he’s starting to complain about the X-Division, here’s BG James.

James talks about a posse in his pants and their time back in the WWF where James stood up for Truth with the boys in the back. They go back and forth with stupid lines and the brawl is on with BG taking over. BG says that just unlike Demi Moore and Tom Cruise, he can handle the Truth. Next.

Brian Lawler and his girlfriend April argue about nothing in particular. At least I think they do as you can hear JB hyping up the card to the live crowd in the background. I mean he’s drowning out the interview.

AJ Styles vs. Low Ki

This is 2/3 falls and the winner gets a shot at the X Title. Feeling out process to start as AJ cranks on the arm before they head to the mat for a headlock by Styles. Back up and Low Ki escapes the wristlock and chops away, only to be taken down by an atomic drop. Low Ki sends him to the floor and hits a running flip attack off the apron to take over again. Back in and a hard kick to AJ’s back gets two and it’s back to the chops to the neck.

AJ crotches him on the top rope and hits a backbreaker/gutbuster combo to take over again. A nice dropkick in the corner gets two for Styles but Low Ki comes back with some chops. Off to a chinlock with AJ’s knee in Low Ki’s back for a few seconds before a double clothesline puts both guys down. Back up again and Low Ki hits what we would call the Disaster Kick for two before putting on the seated Dragon Sleeper for the submission and the first fall.

The second fall begins with Low Ki being sent throat first into the middle rope and clotheslined down for two. A delayed suplex puts Ki down and AJ pounds away. Styles hits a standing enziguri to put Low on the floor, but as he heads out, Low Ki kicks Styles in the head. AJ slams him down onto the ramp to break another Dragon Sleeper before we head back inside. A sunset bomb is countered by Low Ki but AJ keeps rolling into a sunset flip for the pin and the second fall.

AJ poses so Low Ki kicks him square in the jaw to send him to the floor. Once they’re both on the floor, AJ takes out Low’s knee before firing off kicks to the knee back inside. They both go up to the middle rope and after the Styles Clash is broken up, AJ comes off with a shin breaker to Low Ki. Off to a modified spinning toe hold but Low Ki rolls through it for two. Low Ki rolls through a powerbomb into a rana for two but can’t hook the Dragon Sleeper again. After a somewhat botched rollup attempt, AJ hits the Clash for the pin and the title shot next week.

Rating: C+. Not bad here but the lack of selling got annoying after awhile. I’m still not a fan of Low Ki at all as the kicking drives me crazy, but at least he threw in some ranas here to keep things fresher. AJ getting back into the X Title picture was a solid idea as he and Lynn had the best matches in the company so far. Not bad at all here.

Jarrett says he’ll eliminate Hall, Waltman and BG to get the title that he wants.

Elix Skipper/Brian Lawler vs. Scott Hall/Syxx-Pac

Skipper slips while trying to moonsault into the ring. Lawler makes sure to cover up his girlfriend’s body during the entrance. Pac and Skipper start things off with Elix getting a crotch chop for his efforts. Hall gives Elix one of the same, sending Skipper into such a rage that he misses a spin kick. A second attempt connects with Pac’s jaw and it’s off to Hall vs. Lawler. Hall throws the toothpick at Lawler, sending him out to the floor in a fit. Back in, more stalling, more yelling at the girlfriend.

Off to Skipper again before Lawler has any contact at all. At least he earned his paycheck tonight. Anyway Elix gets pounded down and chokeslammed for two before bailing to the floor. Some double teaming by the heels allows them to crotch Hall on the post and it’s off to Lawler for some biting and punching. A suplex puts Hall down and it’s off to Skipper for a top rope ax handle.

Hall puts Skipper down with a belly to back suplex but let’s look at Lawler yelling at Don West for talking to April. Off to Syxx who cleans house. An X-Factor gets two on Skipper with Lawler making the save. Everything breaks down and Pac misses the Bronco Buster on Skipper. Lawler and Hall fight as Elix goes up top, only to dive into the X-Factor for the pin.

Rating: D. These matches with the big stars are getting to be insufferable. They’re sloppy, by the book and really dull all the way throughout. I have no idea why Elix Skipper was involved in the match here but at least he was someone young and different from the regular “stars”. Nothing to see here at all.

Post match Jarrett runs out to beat down Hall and Pac.

AJ implies that he wants a ladder match for the title.

Bruce comes out and calls himself the only woman in TNA. Sara the Ticket Lady comes out and yells and that’s about it.

Kid Kash vs. Jorge Estrada

Feeling out process to start with Estrada taking over with an armdrag. Mortimer Plumtree is watching again as Jorge headscissors Kash down and clotheslines him to the floor. Jorge leaves a suicide dive WAY short and lands on his head in a SICK crash. Back in and Kash takes over with a double springboard backsplash for two back inside. Estrada thankfully doesn’t have a broken neck and comes back with a hiptoss and a standing shooting star for two.

Jorge goes up but Kash shoves the referee into the ropes to crotch him down. A top rope rana brings Estrada down but Kash charges into an elbow in the corner. Kash pokes him in the eye and hits a DDT for two, only to have his rana countered into a powerbomb for two for Jorge. Estrada busts out the TCB (Taking Care of Business), a big flippy dive for the pin.

Rating: C. Just a battle of the flips here which is about what you would expect from a show like this. Estrada isn’t bad and Kash is Kash so the match was entertaining but the lack of selling continues. This is another match which was here to give us the post match stuff because we need our Elvis developments.

Estrada demands his suit back and we see Siaki burning it in a barrel.

We recap Siaki costing Lynn the world title last week.

X-Division Title: Ron Killings vs. Jerry Lynn

This is a lumberjack match and all of the lumberjacks are X-Division guys. Killings tries to bail to the floor early but Low Ki sends him back inside. Back in and Lynn pounds away with a bunch of right hands before bulldogging Truth down for two. Truth bails to the floor again for the same result, only this time he manages a top rope shoulder to take over. Now it’s Jerry getting thrown to the floor for a stomping by Kash. AJ, the only X guy not at ringside, is on the stage with a ladder.

Back in and the challenger gets two off a backbreaker and the same from a powerslam. That works so well that Truth hits another one before putting on a front facelock with his feet on the ropes. Lynn comes back with a reverse DDT and a powerbomb for two more but Truth stops him cold with a low blow. Low Ki is annoyed and yells at Killings, so Jerry rams them together and hits a TKO to retain the title.

Rating: C-. So let me make sure I’ve got this straight. Truth is feuding with the X-Division, so his first match in the feud is against the champion. He loses there, so now he goes down the division to fight lower level talent, all while being the World Champion? Does this sound as stupid to anyone else but me? The match wasn’t great but it was better than last week’s mess.

West hypes up the show for next week.

BG James vs. Jeff Jarrett

Main event time. BG says he’s Jeff’s second mountain and he can’t be negotiated. BG shoulders him down to start and pounds away with right hands. The shaky knee gets two but Jeff comes back with an enziguri to take over. Roadie fires off the juke and jive as we hear about them being together in the WWF back in 95. Out to the floor for some chair shots from James to knock Jeff into the crowd.

Jarrett gets in some chair shots of his own to take over and we go back to ringside. Jeff slams him into the announce table and pounds on the back and face with the chair some more. Back inside we go for the running crotch again in 619 position and a sleeper by Jeff. James fights up after two arm drops and puts on a sleeper of his own, only to be suplexed down by Jarrett.

Both guys are down now which is likely a good thing given the ample gut that Road Dogg has on him at the moment. Back up and James takes over with right hands but the referee takes a shot to the head. Jeff wedges a chair between the ropes but goes face first into it instead, giving James two. Elix Skipper and Brian Lawler come out to help Jarrett but Jeff nails Lawler by mistake, giving BG two more. The referee gets rid of the cronies so Jeff can hit James with a chair for a near fall. BG hits the anal rape pumphandle for two, only to have Skipper and Lawler run in for a DQ.

Rating: D. Could this have been any more overbooked? At the end of the day this BG James/Jarrett/Lawler stuff is completely uninteresting and I’m still not sure why they’re even fighting. The match was your standard Attitude Era brawl and the match was nothing of note. The X Title match really should have gone on last here.

Post match Hall and Syxx-Pac come out for the big brawl but Truth evens the odds and Jarrett and company stand tall to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. These shows are all suffering from the same problems: the overbooking of the main event and the lack of anyone caring about people like Lawler and BG James. Now I will give them this: they’re logically setting up feuds and stories with what looks like a six man tag set up for next week. The X Title stuff is WAY better than anything else but it’s not enough to get you through a two hour show.

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TNA Weekly PPV #13
Date: September 18, 2002
Location: Tennessee State Fairgrounds Arena, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Don West, Mike Tenay

Yes indeed I’m still doing these shows even though I haven’t done one since about Thanksgiving. I have no idea what’s going on at this point in TNA given how long it’s been, but apparently there’s a Gauntlet for the Gold (gauntlet match) for a shot at the tag titles and Ron Killings is defending the title against Jerry Lynn. Let’s get to it.

We open with Goldilocks explaining the rules for Gauntlet for the gold. Basically you have ten teams and two individual wrestlers start. Every minute another wrestler comes out and it’s over the top rope until we get down to two. Then their partners come out and it’s a tag match with the winners getting the belts. I’ve heard of worse ideas. Anyway Scott Hall pops up and says he has a surprise partner. It’s Sean Waltman who pops up for a second. Nice job on the surprise there people.

The announcers run down the card, including a celebrity boxing match. Oh jeez.

Earlier today Brian Lawler tries to jump Jeff Jarrett but Jeff fends him off with some luggage. Jarrett says that he never touched Lawler’s girlfriend April. Apparently April is playing Brian and Lawler can only trust Jeff. Ok then.

Cue Jarrett to the arena where he says he’s had it with Bob Armstrong and his masked man. Either Armstrong comes out now or Jeff is coming back there to get him. Jarrett goes to the back but is jumped by the Masked Bullet. They fight to the ring and Bullet does every single Road Dogg move there is and even says Oh You Didn’t Know into a mic. With Jeff down, Bullet pulls off his mask and it’s…..Road Dogg (called Brian James). Well that’s a bit anti-climactic.

Dogg says that he and Jarrett bailed on the WWF back in 1995 but then Dogg became part of DX. Apparently his name here is BG James with the G standing for “Get It, Got It, Good”. James is going to be in the Gauntlet for the Gold tonight and will find a partner somewhere. I guess Lawler vs. Jarrett is done now.

Jorge Estrada and Sonny Siaki say that it’s all about the Flying Elvises and not Sonny himself. Sonny talks about how we should support Jerry Lynn in the main event tonight, implying that he’s going to interfere.

AJ Styles vs. Kid Kash

Before the match AJ says that Sonny won’t be supporting Jerry Lynn tonight and it’s not over between himself and Jerry. AJ sounds even more like a hick here than he does now. Feeling out process to start with Styles taking over with an armbar. They head to the mat with AJ holding an armbar before Kash escapes a backslide. Both guys snap off some armdrags as we’re told that Low Ki returns next week. A Jericho springboard dropkick puts AJ on the floor and a slingshot rana keeps him down.

AJ gets back up and runs to the apron for a moonsault to take Kash down. Very fast paced stuff so far here. Back in and Styles takes Kash down with a sweet springboard dropkick for two. Kid hits the Bank Roll (kind of a Whisper in the Wind) for two and it’s off to a standing Boston Crab on Styles. That goes nowhere so Kash tries the Money Maker but gets backdropped out to the floor instead. AJ hits a sweet jumping DDT off the apron and both guys are down.

Back in and Kash sends AJ face first into the middle buckle before getting two off a German suplex. AJ comes back with his moonsault into (not really but close enough) the reverse DDT for two. Kash runs up the corner and hits a SWEET rana followed by a tornado DDT for two. AJ comes back with a dropkick to the knee and the always cool nipup into a rana of his own.

Discus lariat gets two on Kash as does a dropkick to the back of his head. AJ loads up another springboard dive but jumps into a dropkick to put both guys down. Kash tries a top rope splash but only his canvas. He manages to crotch AJ, but a top rope rana is countered into a Styles Clash off the middle rope for the academic pin.

Rating: B-. This was just a spotfest and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s not a good match as there have been far better versions of this before, but AJ looked good and that was the right idea here. AJ was rapidly gaining credibility and a win over a decent name like Kash was only going to help that.

Buff Bagwell says that he’s Marcus Bagwell again and wants another chance. BG James pops up and asks him to be his partner in the Gauntlet. Marcus accepts, and I think we’re supposed to buy this as the latest super team. You know, because Bagwell won like five WCW tag titles. Surely you remember his EPIC partnership with The Patriot right?

Here’s Dustin Diamond (Screech from Saved By the Bell) who says that after winning on Celebrity Boxing, he could come here to be a wrestler. This leads to an argument with Tiny the ring announcer and a boxing match is scheduled for later. Please make it short at least.

The Hotshots (Chase Stevens and Cassidy O’Reilly) say they’ve given up their spot in the Gauntlet because they want to earn it in a three way match. They leave and Disco Inferno pops up, looking for Brian Lawler.

Dustin Diamond vs. Tiny the Timekeeper

Boxing match, Tiny is a short fat guy, Dustin knocks him out in 35 seconds. Seriously, that’s it.

Hot Shots vs. Derek Wylde/Jimmy Rave vs. Ace Steele/CM Punk

Indeed, CM Punk was in TNA for a half a cup of coffee. The team who takes the fall here is out of the Gauntlet. Punk has blonde hair here which is a weird look for him. Stevens and Punk get things going and we get a gymnastics exhibition with both guys spinning around with little contact being made. Punk hits a kind of reverse powerbomb onto Steele’s knee with Ace coming in legally. Steele chops away on Chase (Stevens, along with his partner Cassidy O’Reilly) but a blind tag brings in Wylde. He tries to slingshot in, only to be powerbombed down by Chase as things speed up.

Off to Rave vs. O’Reilly with Jimmy getting caught by a slingshot splash. Cassidy likes to dance around a lot and shout at the fans. The Hot Shots hit stereo dropkicks to Rave’s head for two and a leg lariat from Chase puts Rave down. Back to Cassidy who slams Rave down but hits knees while trying a Lionsault. Jimmy tags in Punk who misses a springboard missile dropkick on Chase before having his head taken off by Cassidy.

Everything breaks down and the Hot Shots hit a nice superkick/German suplex combo on Wylde. Cassidy misses a twisting dive to the floor and it’s time to unleash the dives. Back in the ring, Steele puts Stevens in a Gory Special and drops down into a kind of Widow’s Peak to win the match and spot in the Gauntlet.

Rating: D-. Well that sucked. I know it’s blasphemy to say a Punk match sucked, but there’s no other way to put it. This was boring, sloppy and uneventful as none of the six guys were anything special in the slightest. I know Punk would get WAY better, but at this point he was nothing to see at all.

Harris and Storm are ready for the Gauntlet and Harris finally calls Storm buckaroo.

Here are Hall and Waltman with something to say. Hall reminisces about his time with the 1-2-3 Kid and the match they had on Raw in 1993. Waltman (Syxx-Pac here) says that he’s here to be a wrestler, not a sports entetainer. Ron Harris and Brian Lee try to interrupt but get beaten down by the stars.

Brian Lawler panics about his girlfriend missing and says it’s a life or death situation. Next.

Hermie Sadler is praised for being awesome in NASCAR and is invited to be here for the next match.

Bruce comes out to insult Sadler’s wife and calls out some chick from the crowd for a match.

Miss TNA: Bruce vs. ???

She doesn’t even get a name and is pinned by a powerbomb in like a minute. Did I mention they have no idea how to fill an hour and forty five minutes of PPV time at this point?

Sadler gives Bruce an atomic drop post match.

Jerry Lynn is ready for his one shot at greatness when Killings comes in and says Jerry has to kill him to beat him. This wasn’t bad actually.

Gauntlet for the Gold

There are twenty people (ten teams) in this with two individuals starting. It’s a Royal Rumble style match and when there are two people left, the partners return for a tag match for the vacant titles, which were vacated when AJ/Lynn had a double pin against Jarrett/Killings. Brian Lawler is #1 and James Storm is #2. Lawler crotches him on the ropes before the bell but Storm fires off right hands. Apparently Chris Harris is going to be #20.

Storm pounds away to start and a missile dropkick puts Brian down. With nothing else happening, here’s Jose Maximo at #3. Lawler gets double teamed in the corner for a bit before fighting both guys off. Derek Wyles is #4 but after some headscissors, Lawler throws him out. Joel is dumped too and we’re back to Storm vs. Lawler. Actually scratch that as Lawler eliminates his third guy in a row by sending Storm out. You know, because Brian Lawler is AWESOME.

Buff Bagwell is #5 and he comes in with middle fingers blazing. Oh wait he’s Marcus Bagwell here, despite looking and wrestling like he has for years. Bagwell hits a neckbreaker and pounds away in the corner until Kobain is #6. Lawler again gets to dominate some more talented people until Ace Steele is #7. There’s nothing of note to talk about here as it’s just standing around and slowly beating on each other in the corner with Lawler biting Bagwell’s head.

Jorge Estrada is #8 and gets chopped by Steele. The ring is getting too full now. Lawler hits Bagwell low in the corner and Brian Lee is #9. Hopefully he can throw some of these little men out. We don’t get that of course since that would help the match, so here’s Syxx-Pac at #10. Syxx cleans house and dumps Jose off a chop (yes a chop) before hitting the Bronco Buster on Marcus.

CM Punk (Steele’s partner) is #11 but Steele is thrown out before Punk makes it to the ring. We hear about how impressive it is that Lawler has lasted ELEVEN minutes as Jimmy Rave (Derrick Wylde) is #12. Punk hits a Rey Mysterio sitout bulldog on Rave as there are too many people out there. Ron Harris (Brian Lee) is #13 to give us our first full team. Their dominance is shown as they send Jorge to the apron, but the Karate Elvis (again, seriously) sunset flips Lee down to survive. The second attempt works though and Estrada is gone.

Punk and Rave are tossed by the big guys as well, meaning two full teams are eliminated. Syxx sends out Bagwell and Lawler (no fanfare, which is odd as the announcers have spent ten minutes worshipping the guy) as BG James (Marcus Bagwell) is #14. We get heel miscommunication between Lee and Harris but Road Dogg (blonde here for some reason) gets stomped down I the corner. Joel Maximo (Jose Maximo) is #15 and is out about two seconds later.

Syxx gets hit with a big double spinebuster but since Waltman is a GIANT KILLER he clotheslines both of them down at once. Since we haven’t seen enough of him tonight, here’s Brian Lawler AGAIN to throw out Syxx. Slash (Kobain) is #16 and BG James is triple teamed. Sonni Siaki (Jorge Estrada) is #17 and he goes after Slash to give James a breather.

Disco Inferno (Brian Lawler) is #18 as the match continues to drag. Scott Hall (Syxx Pac) is #19 and he pounds away on Lee. Ron Harris is dumped out and Chris Harris (James Storm) is #20, giving us a final grouping of Hall, Chris Harris, Siaki, Disco, James and Lee. The announcers aren’t sure if Slash was eliminated despite seeing him go over the top. Siaki is dumped and Disco gets caught between Hall and BG until Hall finally knocks him out. Hall and James square off but Lee jumps both guys for stereo eliminations, getting us down to Harris vs. Lee, meaning the battle royal is over.

Rating: D. This was long and dull with the partner thing going almost nowhere. Between that and the worship of Brian Lawler, this never went anywhere. The fast intervals helped, but so many of these people are unknown for the most part, which makes it hard to care about any of them. Also the two giants looked pitiful out there for the most part which didn’t do them any favors.

Tag Titles: James Storm/Chris Harris vs. Brian Lee/Ron Haris

Ron chokeslams James on the stage to start things off as a handicap match. Also here’s Jeff Jarrett to beat up BG James and take the focus off the title match. Lee kicks Chris in the face as AMW (are they even called that yet?) is in big trouble. Chris comes back for a bit but gets clotheslined down for two. West points out the problem here: too many people named James and Harris.

Storm finally gets back in and cleans house, only to get caught in a chokeslam/belly to back suplex combo for no cover. Ron pulls out a table for no apparent reason and lays Storm out on top of it. Lee loads up Chris in a chokeslam but gets rolled up (and into the ropes) to give AMW the pin and the titles.

Rating: D. This was barely even a match with Chris getting beaten down for a few minutes and Storm being on the floor most of the time. The table thing was stupid and the ending was even worse as both guys were in the ropes for the fall and the referee counted it anyway. Nothing to see here, but at least the right team won.

BG James is bloody in the back to make sure the tag titles get no focus.

NWA World Title: Ron Killings vs. Jerry Lynn

If Lynn wins, he’s a Triple Crown Champion three months after the promotion started. Truth jumps him to start and elbows Lynn down before talking a lot of trash. Tenay thinks that whoever controls the match will win. This man is the PROFESSOR people. A headscissors puts Truth down and a backbreaker gets two for Jerry. Lynn hits what appeared to be a slingshot elbow to the groin in the corner but Truth pops up and throws him out to the floor.

The champion drops Jerry face first onto the announce table and Lynn is busted open. Back in and a kind of belly to back suplex gets two for Truth and he shows Jerry’s bloody face to the camera. Lynn comes back with his spinning sunset flip out of the corner for two but Truth does his backflip into a drop down into a side kick sequence. They head back to the floor with Truth ramming Jerry’s bloody head into the post and gouging at the cut.

Back in again and Truth puts on a modified surfboard but Lynn grabs the rope. The ax kick gets two for Truth but Jerry comes back with a spinning rollup for two of his own. Truth stays on offense as AJ Styles is at ringside. Now Kid Kash and the S.A.T. come down as well. Here are the Flying Elvises as the fans are ALL behind Lynn. Jerry makes a comeback with some clotheslines but the cradle piledriver is countered. Lynn reverses a suplex into a DDT for two but AJ breaks up the pin. The challenger goes up but Siaki shoves him down, allowing Truth to hit a Diamond Cutter for the pin to retain.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t bad but the drama felt manufactured and the big moment feeling they were going for doesn’t work when the company debuted three months before this. The match wasn’t bad but Truth wasn’t the kind of guy you want working a match like this. The Siaki interference was as obvious as you can get as well.

BG James comes out to talk trash about Killings for no apparent reason. This brings out Jarrett because he has to end the show but Hall and Waltman make the save to close us out.

Overall Rating: D. This didn’t work at all for the most part. We had a mindless spot fest to start and then a pretty boring feature match for the tag titles. On top of that we have a just ok main event and WAY too much Brian Lawler. When you combine that with the stupid boxing and Bruce stuff, this wasn’t that entertaining. They need a story and they need it soon.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

Smackdown
Date: April 11, 2002
Location: Tucson Convention Center, Tucson, Arizona
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

This is a request I got months ago and I’m able to get at it here. This would be just after Wrestlemania 18 and HHH is world champion. He has a match tonight against Angle which is the only thing I can see on this card worth watching. Actually scratch that as we have Edge vs. Jericho too. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Angle to open the show. He complains about Hogan getting the title shot at Backlash because no one wants to see it. Taz agrees with Kurt but the rest of the people don’t seem to think so. Angle talks about being in the Olympics and beating Russians and Iranians tougher than Nikolai Volkoff and the Iron Sheik. On top of THAT, Angle was left out of the #1 contender’s match on Raw, so there’s no shot for Angle for a long time.

Kurt says he’s better than anyone on Raw or Smackdown and he’s going to prove that tonight in his non-title match against HHH. Angle gets annoyed at the WHAT chants (oh, he has no idea what’s coming does he) and thinks the fans are just rude. Back when he was in Atlanta, the people had respect for him, unlike here in Tucson. Angle says that instead of saying WHAT, the fans should say IT’S TRUE. Guess what they chant every time he says this?

Edge finally pops up to calm Angle down because he’s “fun-loving” now. Apparently Angle busted him open with a chair last week. I miss the vertical name graphics this show used to have. Edge says that Angle winning a gold medal was inspiring, it was breath taking, and it was SIX YEARS AGO. However, since Angle doesn’t have a title match anytime soon, how about they have a match at Backlash? Angle is cool with that and the deal is made. Edge says it’s a date (and that Angle doesn’t hear that very often). He has an idea too: how about instead of chanting WHAT, they should chant YOU SUCK.

Post break Angle is in the back when Jericho comes in. They talk some trash about Edge with Angle saying there’s nothing he hates more than a loud mouthed blonde haired Canadian who dresses like a rock star. “Well except for you. You’re cool.” They agree to form a pact against Hogan and Edge.

Hurricane vs. Tajiri

Tajiri is very evil here and has his girlfriend Torrie Wilson in a very discreet kimono. Hurricane blocks a wheelbarrow suplex and armdrags Tajiri out to the floor for a BIG flip dive to take over. Back in and Tajiri rolls through a sunset flip and kicks the green out of Hurricane’s hair before dropping a knee for two.

The handspring elbow misses and Hurricane heads to the floor, only to be taken down by a quick rana from the apron. Back in again and Hurricane hits one of his own, only to miss a charge in the corner. The Tarantula doesn’t work so there’s the Eye of the Hurricane for two. Not that it matters as Hurricane gets his head kicked off for the pin.

Rating: C+. This is what Smackdown was known for back in the day: fast paced and exciting matches. Tajiri and Hurricane were two guys you could throw out there for something like this and have an entertaining match because both guys were young and talented. That’s something you almost NEVER get today because you don’t have quick matches which don’t mean much like this anymore. Now everything has some bigger purpose and it’s kind of tiring.

Post match Tajiri yells at Torrie for no apparent reason until Billy Kidman runs out for the save.

Stacy goes to look for Vince but finds an empty office and a couch. Apparently Vince is hiring an assistant or something tonight.

Albert vs. Scotty 2 Hotty

I believe this is the debut of Albert’s (Tensai) small black trunks which don’t work that well on a monster. This is also Albert’s re-debut as a heel after he turned on Scotty last week. Albert goes right for him to start and pounds on Scotty in the corner. I don’t see this lasting long. The slingshot into the bottom ropes gets two but Albert misses a charge into the corner. After a token dropkick and WORM attempt later, it’s the bicycle kick (Brogue Kick) and chokebomb to complete the squash for Albert.

Post match Rikishi makes a save, setting up a match which never happened on Smackdown.

Vince finds Stacy and we get the innuendo you’ve known to come and tolerate from the boss. The auditions for the assistant’s position are in the ring later tonight.

In the back, fashion consultant Rico makes fun of Maven until Al Snow, Maven’s trainer, makes the save. Billy and Chuck pop in to tease a brawl.

Hogan says he wants one more run but HHH is very awesome. Trips is a tough dude for coming back from such a bad injury and beating Jericho at Wrestlemania. Since you can’t say someone’s name in wrestling without them appearing, here’s Jericho to say Hogan has nothing to lose, but HHH has everything to lose. Hulk starts a-ponderin’.

Edge vs. Chris Jericho

Edge is on the brink of something huge at this point so the solution was to put him against guys like Jericho and Angle who could make him look awesome while making him look WAY better in the ring than he was capable of on his own. It’s a tested philosophy and it’s worked nearly every time. The pop for Edge is great here as the girls and the young adults go NUTS. I was a big Edgehead back in the day before he became the more famous version of himself.

Jericho takes over with some chops against the ropes to start but Edge comes back with a spinwheel kick and a faceplant to take over. Chris is sent to the floor and onto the announce table with Edge pounding away. He’s much more aggressive than he used to be, but somehow he’s fun-loving now. Back in and a top rope crossbody gets two for Edge but Jericho comes back with a clothesline to take over.

After choking on the ropes and the running crotch attack in 619 position, Jericho gets two off a suplex. This is a weird period for Jericho as he was still a former world champion but he was crushed so badly at Wrestlemania that it basically knocked him down into the upper midcard. This put him in a no man’s land between the main event style and midcard style and it didn’t work well at all. Edge comes back with a whip into the corner and both guys are down.

Edge starts his comeback with some clotheslines but a middle rope sunset flip is countered into a Walls attempt which is countered into a rollup for two. Edge hits his half nelson facebuster but here’s Angle for unseen interference. A spear puts him down but Jericho hits the bulldog, only to have the Lionsault hit knees.

Edge hits a catapult to send Jericho into the referee, meaning there’s no one to see Jericho tap to the Edgecator (kneeling Sharpshooter). For reasons I’ll never understand, Edge lets it go instead of cranking on it until the referee wakes up. Jericho goes to the floor for a chair but gets speared down for two. Angle snaps Edge’s neck over the top rope, allowing Jericho to get a rollup with tights for the pin.

Rating: C. This wasn’t bad but Jericho didn’t do much for me at this point. He was still smooth in the ring but this period of his career is always pretty lame for me. It would turn around in a big way in 2004, but that would be nearly two years away. Edge looked good and it’s definitely not a bad match, but it never got that far off the ground.

Post break, Angle and Jericho beat up Edge in the back until Hogan makes the save to set up a tag match.

Time for Vince’s job interviews. He sends a stereotypical secretary and a man away before getting a somewhat decent looking blonde. There’s a desk in the ring and all that jazz. The fans have no tolerance for this and wants puppies. Vince says this chick can have the job unless someone has an offer he can’t refuse. Cue Stacy (in Ms. Hancock attire) and one table dance later she gets the job.

Post break we meet Reverend D-Von who asks Vince to be his benefactor to save the world from its sins. Vince agrees, oddly enough. D-Von as a preacher went nowhere but it did accomplish one major thing: he debuted a helper a few weeks later. The helper’s name: Batista.

We go to the parking lot where Mark Henry is going to try to hold back a limo with his legs only for thirty seconds. Wrestlers take bets on it because they’re not important enough to be on the show otherwise. Test is going to be behind the wheel of the limo which is about the extent of his talents. Henry holds it back but after thirty seconds, Test keeps on the accelerator, making everyone mad at him. Test? Being a jerk? Really?

Al Snow vs. Chuck

Let’s get this over with. Snow gets stomped into the corner but comes back with a cross body for two. Rico gets involved quickly to let Chuck take over with a clothesline and a pair of suplexes for two. Snow makes a quick comeback and loads up the Snowplow (scoop brainbuster) but Billy trips him up. Maven chases Billy away as Chuck gets two off the Jungle (super) kick. Snow pops up and Snowplows him for the pin.

Rating: D. Next. No seriously, get me to the next thing on the show. There’s nothing to talk about here.

Hogan comes up to HHH in the back and offers to have his back in the main event if Jericho interferes. HHH reminds Hogan that they’re fighting in ten days so he wants nothing to do with Hogan. The champ (HHH) rambles on for a bit about what it means to be champion and turns heel for the sake of this feud. They have zero chemistry together but whatever.

Kurt Angle vs. HHH

Non-title. They trade headlocks to start with no one going anywhere at all. A quick Pedigree is loaded up but Angle reverses into a sunset flip, with the trunks being pulled to the side in the process. We head to the floor with Angle sending HHH into the steps to take over again. Kurt rolls some Germans back inside and adds a belly to belly for two more. Angle tries a sleeper for a bit but gets suplexed down and DDTed for two.

The high knee puts Angle down but Trips charges into an elbow in the corner. This isn’t exactly riveting stuff. The spinebuster hits for two on Angle as Jericho pulls the referee out. Angle gets caught in a Pedigree but Jericho breaks it up by hitting a Lionsault on HHH, which presumably would hurt Angle as well but whatever. Hogan comes out for the save and after a beatdown he takes out both villains. A Pedigree is enough to finish Angle.

Rating: D+. This was another slow and not very good match. They had already had their big showdown at No Way Out and HHH was an even bigger star now than he was then, so what were we supposed to think was going to happen here? The match wasn’t terrible but it was pretty lackluster stuff.

HHH glares at Hogan for coming out but gets knocked into Hulk, triggering a brawl. Hogan lays out HHH (shocking no?) but gets beaten down by Angle and Jericho to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. I’ve seen worse, but thank goodness the Brand Split would kick in full soon after this. At the end of the day, Hogan vs. HHH was a very uninteresting feud and it was backed up by feuds such as Albert vs. Rikishi and Snow/Maven vs. Billy and Chuck. We eventually traded that in for Guerrero, Benoit, Chavo, Mysterio, the rookie monster Brock Lesnar, and this kid named Cena who would debut soon. See why Smackdown in 2002 was so revered?

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Wrestlemania XVIII
Date: March 17, 2002
Location: SkyDome, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Attendance: 68,237
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is a show where things have really changed a lot in a single year. The Attitude Era is over and the Invasion has come and thankfully gone. HHH is returning tonight to take the Undisputed Title which was supposed to be his in the first place but he wasn’t back from injury yet. Instead it went to Chris Jericho, who knew his days were numbered the second HHH came back. The real main event here though is The Rock vs. Hulk Hogan, who returned with Hall and Nash last month. This is the point where a lot of the shows are fuzzy to me because a lot of the matches and feuds are just filler. Let’s get to it.

Before the show Saliva performs Superstar. Eh I like the song so I can’t complain. Also it’s not like they’re performing a rock version of America the Beautiful. That would just be stupid.

The opening video is about how Wrestlemania is the biggest show of the year and what it means for your career to make it to this show. The main focus is on HHH being back in the main event tonight.

Intercontinental Title: Rob Van Dam vs. William Regal

Regal is defending and this is during his Power of the Punch period. Van Dam kicks him down to start before pounding away at the champion’s head. The fans are all behind RVD here as Regal quickly loads up the brass knuckles. RVD is ready for it though and kicks the knuckles away. A nice jumping kick to the face takes Regal down again but a quick Five Star attempt misses.

The champion takes it to the mat for a bit before a quick suplex gets two. Regal puts on a quick chinlock but Van Dam flips out of it, only to hit knees with Rolling Thunder. A nice butterfly powerbomb gets two for Regal but Rob rolls him up before the Regal Stretch can go on. Van Dam monkey flips Regal down but Regal blocks the stepover kick into a half nelson suplex. Nicely done. Rob rolls to the floor and Regal follows, where he finds the brass knuckles. The referee takes them away back inside, but Regal pulls out a second pair. Not that it matters though as RVD kicks him down and hits the Five Star to win the title.

Rating: B-. Nice opener here with some solid strikes from Van Dam and even nicer counters by Regal. It’s also a good feeling moment for the fans which should put them in a good mood for the rest of the show. That’s what a good opener is supposed to do and it worked fine here. That’s the first of Van Dam’s six IC Titles over his career.

Christian talks about not needing DDP or this city anymore. Also he’s totally over those temper tantrums of his.

European Title: Christian vs. Diamond Dallas Page

Christian is challenging and he cranks up the heel levels here by saying that he’s now from Tampa instead of Toronto. Page is very POSITIVE at this point but he never worked in WWF. At the end of the day, Page grew up in front of the WCW cameras instead of the WWF ones, so there was no connection to the fans. He was just an old guy with a good finisher and not much else.

Christian jumps Page to start but Page comes back with a nice over the shoulder gutbuster before clotheslining Christian out to the floor. Back in and Page pounds away in the corner, only to be dropped face first onto the buckle. We hear about Page being the Cadillac driver at Wrestlemania 6 in this same building which is indeed a pretty cool story. They trade slugs in the corner but Christian rams Page into the post to take over.

Back inside and Christian puts on an abdominal stretch followed by a backbreaker for two. Christian goes up top but gets slammed from the bottom rope (that’s a new one) as Page takes over. The discus lariat and helicopter bomb get two each for the champion but the Cutter is blocked. Another attempt out of the corner is countered into the reverse DDT for two. Christian keeps himself calm though, only to walk into the Diamond Cutter to retain the title.

Rating: C. Not quite as good as the first match but it certainly wasn’t bad. The problem here was the same one I mentioned earlier: there’s really no reason to care about Page. He’s not terrible but there’s nothing about him that makes WWF fans interested in him. Christian was still several months (and a big haircut) away from meaning anything as a singles guy. Page would lose the title to Regal in two days and it would be retired in July.

Post match Page says that was a good thing but Christian has a tantrum anyway.

Rock says he wants Hulkamania to be running wild tonight. He asks Coach if he took his vitamins this morning. Coach did, but he was too busy to say his prayers. This doesn’t sit well with Rock so he demands some prayers right now. Coach gets down on his knees. Coach: “What up G?” Rock: “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??? GET OUT OF HERE YOU SICK FREAK!” Rock says he’s running wild on Hogan tonight and tears his own shirt off. He’s feeling it tonight.

Hardcore Title: Goldust vs. Maven

Maven is defending and this is another match with no real story to it. Goldie jumps him during the entrance to take over quickly. A forearm off the railing keeps Maven down and it’s cookie sheet time. We head inside with Maven avoiding a catapult and hitting a kind of Van Daminator with a trashcan and dropkick for two. Goldie neckbreakers him down for two and busts out a shovel. Instead of using it though he whips Maven into the trashcan for two. Goldust puts Maven down with a shot to the head….and here’s Spike Dudley running in for the pin and the title. We’ve got a running joke tonight and I’m not rating this nonsense.

Drowning Pool performs a song called Tear Away which “tells the story” of the main event, which means we get a small video of the feud as they play their song. This fills up like five minutes of the show, which combined with the other performance earlier could have easily gone to another match or extending one of the existing ones.

As could this, as in the back Crash and Spike are fighting again until Al Snow and a referee come up in a golf cart. He misses both guys fighting but here’s Hurricane swinging in on a rope to kick Spike down and win the title.

After a don’t try this at home video, we recap Hurricane winning the title. SERIOUSLY? On WRESTLEMANIA we’re wasting time like this?

Kurt Angle vs. Kane

Angle has the SWEET black singlet here. He rips on the Canadian figure skating team that had a big controversy over winning a gold medal. Angle says he’s a big red white and blue machine but here’s the interruption. If there’s a reason for this match, it’s not important enough to mention and I can’t remember it either. Apparently there’s something about Kane having a concussion so Angle hits him with the bell before the….uh bell actually.

A quick German suplex puts Kane down and Kurt stomps away. Kane gets up and hits some right hands before stomping away in the corner for a bit. A two handed chokeslam puts Angle down but he blocks the one armed version. Angle comes back with a belly to belly suplex for no cover but it scrambles Kane’s head again. Kurt chokes away on the ropes and a belly to back suplex gets two. Off to a front facelock for a bit until Kane throws Angle off to get a breather.

The side slam puts Kane down but Angle rolls some Germans to put him right back down. A top rope clothesline puts Kane down again but the second attempt lands on an uppercut from Kane. Both guys are down again as the match slows down even more. Kane comes back with the big boot and the tilt-a-whirl powerslam for two. Now the chokeslam hits but Angle grabs the rope. Angle grabs the mask to confuse Kane and hits the Angle Slam for two.

There’s the ankle lock for a bit which has made Kane tap before, but he makes the rope this time. An enziguri puts Angle down and Kane goes up, only for Angle to run the ropes for the suplex. The Angle Slam is countered and Kane grabs a chokeslam, only for Angle to roll through into a cradle. They botch said cradle but Angle improvises by putting his feet on the ropes because he’s smart like that.

Rating: C-. This was just kind of there which hurt it a lot. Again, I’m not really sure why these two were fighting. There was a mention of head trauma for Kane but that was never elaborated on at all. Also it didn’t really seem to mess with Kane after the first two minutes or so, making it a pretty pointless injury. Not bad here, but it didn’t do anything of note for me.

Hurricane tries to sneak out of the building but winds up seeing Godfather’s escorts changing clothes. Erection jokes are made using a broom. This isn’t funny.

We recap Undertaker vs. Flair. Flair cost Taker a match against Rock at No Way Out for reasons not clear, so Taker demanded a match here tonight. Flair said no so Taker beat up Arn Anderson and Flair’s son David. The Board made Flair step down as a result. Vince made this No DQ to be a jerk.

Ric Flair vs. Undertaker

Flair goes straight for him to start and takes it to the floor immediately, sending Taker over the announce table to pound away. Back in and Flair punches Undertaker out to the floor where he’s staggering around. Taker sends him into the barricade to put him down though and we head back inside. We get the Flair Flip in the corner and then a second one that sends Flair out to the floor.

Taker pounds him down by the timekeeper’s table, busting Ric open in the process. Back in and Taker kicks him in his bloody head for good measure. Taker pounds away in the corner but Flair comes back with some HARD chops. There’s blood on the camera as Undertaker knocks Flair right back down. A pretty awesome superplex puts Flair down but Undertaker pulls him up at two because he’s EVIL. Taker hits a hard elbow to Flair’s head before dropping the apron legdrop.

Back in and Flair pulls him up again before pounding away at Naitch’s head. Flair avoids an elbow drop though and counters Old School for good measure. Undertaker is bleeding from the cheek. A side slam stops Flair’s comeback dead for two and we’re right back where we were a minute ago. They head out to the floor where Flair pulls a lead pipe off of Taker’s bike and blasts him in the forehead with it. A shot to the ribs has Taker in trouble again and his head is busted open on top of that.

Flair finds a Keep Off sign and blasts Taker with it a few times as we head back inside. Taker grabs him by the throat but Flair kicks him in his old dead balls to break it up. Off to the Figure Four but Taker grabs him by the throat to escape. The chokeslam gets two so Taker shoves the referee down. He grabs the pipe again but here’s Arn Anderson with a spinebuster for two. Taker LAUNCHED Flair out on the kickout too.

Anderson comes in and gets busted open via some shots to the head and is put in a dragon sleeper (yes Taker used to use that) for good measure. Flair breaks it up with a chair but gets kicked in the face. They botch the Last Ride attempt (it almost looked like Flair was sandbagging him) so Taker Tombstones him to end it.

Rating: C. Just a long punching match here for the most part which wasn’t all that good. Anderson was a nice sight to see but it didn’t do much to help Flair. The problem with Taker at this point was that he wouldn’t sell ANYTHING and it made Flair look all the weaker in the process. So naturally they made him world champion in like two months.

Booker T (wearing glasses for some reason) says he’s smart because he’s wearing glasses. He claims to have aced the SAT and won an award for a paper on Einstein’s Theory of Relatives. “He had two theories.” After tonight, Edge can endorse a book about getting beaten up by Booker T. This was the semi-infamous “THEY’RE FIGHTING OVER SHAMPOO!” feud, where Edge stole a Japanese shampoo endorsement deal from Booker. It may sound stupid, but you can’t say it’s been done.

Booker T vs. Edge

Booker gets in a cheap shot to start but the hometown boy comes back with a dropkick and half nelson mat slam for two. A hot shot puts Edge down again though as JR talks about government officials that are interested in Mania. Edge gets clotheslined out to the floor and stomped a bit before we head back inside. A missile dropkick gets two on Edge as this is still all Booker. There’s a spinebuster for the same but Booker goes up and gets crotched, allowing Edge to botch a top rope rana to put Booker down.

Back up and Edge hits some clotheslines followed by the Edge-O-Matic for two. Edge counters Booker’s corner sunset flip into a catapult but misses the spear. There’s a superkick to put Edge down and it’s Spinarooni time. Edge hits a fast spear for two and does a Spinarooni of his own. The Edgecution hits and we’re done.

Rating: D+. The match sucked but the fans loved it that Edge came back home and won. That being said, this shows one of the major problems with this show: so many of the matches could have been aired on Raw but instead they’re airing on Wrestlemania. They don’t feel big and that’s a bad thing.

Hurricane insists he’s not a pervert but Mighty Molly hits him with a frying pan for the pin and the title.

We recap Vince bringing in the NWO. They cost Austin the title at No Way Out so Austin toyed with them for awhile, including kidnapping Hall. This resulted in the NWO breaking a cinder block over Austin’s knee and it hurt him so bad that he taped up the OTHER knee and limped on it for two weeks.

Steve Austin vs. Scott Hall

That’s a pretty big fall for Austin from main event to this in just a year. The injured Nash is with Hall here to try to make us believe Austin isn’t winning in a walk. Austin immediately stomps him down in the corner before Hall can even get his vest off. There’s the Thesz Press but Austin has to go after Nash on the floor instead of following up. Back in and Hall clotheslines him down for two as momentum shifts. Nash sneaks a turnbuckle pad off as the other two fight in the corner.

Austin gets whipped back first into said buckle pad and Nash adds a right hand for good measure. The fallaway slam gets two for Hall as does a hard clothesline. Hall stomps away at Austin’s ribs and Nash gets in another right hand to the head. Scott pounds away even more but Austin grabs a Stunner out of nowhere. Nash makes the save and decks the referee though, allowing for some good old NWO cheating.

Hall brings in a chair but Austin easily beats them both up and gives them both Stunners. No referee though but we get a replacement, only for Nash to drop an elbow on his back. The Outsider’s Edge is broken up and Hall is backdropped out to the floor. A bunch of referees come out to eject Nash as Hall sends Austin into the exposed buckle and hits a Stunner of his own (good one too) for two. Austin gets up and they do the EXACT same sequence but switch the people, allowing Austin to hit two Stunners to win it.

Rating: C. Again, much like everything else tonight, this was just a match. There was very little heat on this even though it was one of the better matches of the night. The big problem with most of these matches is that none of them feel special and that’s the case here. I mean….Austin vs. Scott Hall? Maybe four years ago, but in 2002? That doesn’t blow my skirt up.

Axxess video. That still looks awesome.

Tag Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. Hardy Boyz vs. Billy and Chuck vs. APA

Saliva plays the Dudleyz to the ring which gives us the VERY nice image of Stacy in the Dudley attire dancing to the song. I’ve always thought she never looked better than she did in those outfits. Billy and Chuck are defending and this is elimination rules. Bradshaw jumps Chuck to start but Billy saves him from the fallaway slam. Instead it’s Billy taking it as it’s all Bradshaw so far.

A big belly to back suplex puts Chuck down again and it’s off to Faarooq. The crowd is eerily silent for this. Chuck clips Faarooq in the jaw with a right hand and it’s off to Billy for some choking. Billy loads up the Fameasser but gets caught in a wicked powerslam. Back to Bradshaw as things break down a bit. Billy tags in D-Von but the APA breaks up a 3D attempt. Faarooq hits a spinebuster on Chuck on the floor and there’s the big Clothesline to Billy, but Bradshaw walks into the 3D for the elimination.

The Hardys and Dudleys start fighting for old times’ sake before Matt and Jeff start beating on Chuck. The Dudleys load up a table but the Hardys dive on them to slow it up. Back in and there’s the Whisper in the Wind to Bubba. Stacy gets up on the apron and pulls up her shorts to distract Jeff, only to get spanked and kissed. A Bubba Bomb slows down Billy before Bubba chokes on Jeff with his shirt.

Things finally calm down a bit until we get to Jeff vs. Bubba again. With D-Von’s help, Bubba manages a backdrop to put Jeff down again and puts on a chinlock. D-Von comes in and runs over Jeff before pounding away in the corner. A belly to back suplex gets two and it’s back to Bubba. Having a regular tag match between these two is probably the best idea given how lame Billy and Chuck were in the ring. Bubba stands on Jeff’s crotch in the Tree of Woe before tagging in D-Von for some choking.

A clothesline by Jeff allows for the hot tag to Matt, only to see him immediately run over by Bubba. The backsplash misses of course though and Matt tries to speed it up a bit, only to get caught in What’s Up. Before D-Von can dive though, the champions remember they’re in this too and shove D-Von through the table on the floor. Matt pops up and it’s the Twist into the Swanton for the pin on Bubba, leaving us with Billy and Chuck against the Hardys.

A Side Effect puts Billy down and there’s Poetry in Motion for good measure. Chuck gets the same along with a Twist of Fate. Jeff adds in the Swanton but Billy sneaks in with a Fameasser on Jeff but Chuck can only get two off o it. Instead it’s a belt shot to Jeff’s head for the pin by Chuck to FINALLY end this.

Rating: D. This was only thirteen minutes long but MAN ALIVE was this a chore to sit through. There was no need for this to be on the card and everyone from the commentators to the fans had no interest in it. The only good thing about this was how insanely hot Stacy looked. This could have easily been cut and made this already bloated show a bit easier to sit through.

The Outsiders want to beat up Rock to make up for Austin, but Hogan calls them off because he needs to do this by himself. The Outsiders aren’t sure about that but they agree….until Hogan leaves.

Molly tries to leave but gets hit in the face by a door to give Christian the title.

We recap Hogan vs. Rock, which is the real main event of this show. Hogan talked about how he was a legend but then the people turned on him. Rock came out and said that it was Hogan that changed rather than the people. He said Hogan had talked about main headlining Wrestlemania after Wrestlemania, so how does he feel about headlining one more Wrestlemania against the Rock. Hogan said yes and got a Rock Bottom for his trouble.

Then a week later, Hogan hit Rock in the back of the head with a hammer and put him in an ambulance which he then rammed with a semi-truck. Since this is 2002 and one of the dumbest years ever in wrestling, Rock was back the next week. It’s one of those moments that was really REALLY stupid and not needed at all.

Hollywood Hogan vs. The Rock

Both guys get solid pops as this is an old WWF city, which means Hogan could set fire to a kitten orphanage and still be popular. The pre match chants seem to favor Hulk, but here are some Rock fans to counter them. They stare at each other and there’s the loudest pop for an opening bell I can remember. Hogan shoves him down to start and the fans go NUTS. You can tell Hogan is feeling it here. After a quick headlock Hogan runs him over and poses, sending the crowd further into a frenzy.

A clothesline puts Rock down as the crowd is almost completely one sided. Rock comes back with a jumping clothesline and the fans boo him out of the freaking building. Rock says just bring it and knocks Hogan to the floor with some right hands. Back in and Rock loads up the Rock Bottom but Hogan escapes and elbows out of it. He rakes his boot over Rock’s eyes to another big pop. There’s another big HOGAN chant for good measure.

A belly to back suplex gets two for Hulk and there’s an abdominal stretch for good measure. Hulk even adds in a rollup for two before raking Rock’s back. Rock escapes and comes back with some chops in the corner but walks into a chokeslam of all things from Hulk. He sends Rock out to the floor as this is still almost one sided so far. Rock goes face first into the steps and dropped on the barricade for good measure.

Hogan starts loading up the announce table but Rock fights back with right hands. Rock gets a chair but the referee takes it away, allowing Hogan to clothesline Rock down. Back inside and Rock is sent into the referee. Rock comes back with a lame spinebuster and the Sharpshooter. Hulk makes the rope but there’s no referee. Rock pulls him to the middle of the ring but there’s still no referee.

The fans just lay into Rock now with the Rocky Sucks chants as he checks on the referee. Hogan hits him low though and gets a pretty freaking good Rock Bottom for two. Hogan takes off his weightlifting belt to whip Rock’s back but Rock comes back with a DDT. There’s the Rock Bottom but Hogan HULKS UP. The fans absolutely lose their minds now as Hogan shakes his finger and hits the big boot, but the legdrop only gets two. Another big boot hits but the second legdrop misses. There’s the Rock Bottom again and a third for good mesaure. Rock nips up and hits the People’s Elbow to end it.

Rating: B. This is a hard one to grade but I think it’s a lot like the Hogan vs. Warrior match in the same building: the crowd carries it to a much higher level than it deserves to be at which is just fine. The crowd was completely eating up the nostalgia and there’s nothing at all wrong with that. Hogan would get one of the longest ovations in history the next night in Montreal and those two reactions were enough to put the world title on him for a month soon after this. It wasn’t the best idea in the world, but given those reactions I can understand why they did it. This was a very fun match and should have been the main event.

Post match they stare each other down with Hogan holding his ribs. Hogan extends his hand and Rock gladly shakes it. Hulk lets Rock pose but here are the Outsiders. They yell at Hogan and beat him down, but Rock runs back in for the save. Hall and Nash are dispatched and Rock and Hogan stand tall, apparently having made up after Hogan HIT ROCK WITH A HAMMER AND CRUSHING HIM WITH A SEMITRUCK. Rock has Hogan pose for the fans after the match in another nostalgia moment.

Big Show is at WWF New York.

We get the attendance record announcement: 68,237, breaking the record (presumably) held by Wrestlemania VI by about 600 people.

Women’s Title: Jazz vs. Lita vs. Trish Stratus

Jazz is defending as these three get the death spot after that last match. Trish looks GREAT in a Canadian Maple Leaf themed outfit as the hometown girl. Jazz gets double teamed to start as you can hear the crowd not caring at all. Jazz comes back almost immediately with a half crab on Trish and the double chickenwing on Lita. A kick to Trish’s ample chest sends her out to the floor but Lita pounds on the champion to take over.

A Cena spinning powerbomb gets two on Jazz but she isn’t interested in being on defense that long. She loads Lita up for a superplex but Trish breaks it up with an electric chair for two. All three are back in now and Lita gets a weak clothesline to put Jazz down. Trish loads up Stratusfaction but Jazz breaks it up and gets two off a splash on Lita. A release fisherman’s suplex gets two on Trish as Jerry lists off countries the show is airing in. Jazz is knocked to the floor so we can have the brawl that people actually care about.

A bad looking backdrop puts Trish down but Jazz comes back in, only to walk into the Twist of Fate. Lita teases taking her top off but tries a moonsault instead, only hitting Trish’s knees. Trish chops at Lita but they collide coming out of the corner. Lita sends Jazz to the floor and breaks up a Stratusfaction attempt by sending Trish to the floor. Lita goes up but gets crotched, allowing Jazz to hit a fisherman’s buster off the middle rope on Lita to retain.

Rating: D-. Trish looked great and Lita wasn’t bad either, but DEAR GOODNESS no one cared about Jazz. For the life of me I don’t get why Trish didn’t win the title here. She would eventually take the title off Jazz in like a month. On Raw. In Toronto. You know, not HERE AT WRESTLEMANIA IN TORONTO.

Maven jumps Christian as he leaves and steals the title again, finally ending this stupid joke.

WWF World Title: HHH vs. Chris Jericho

HHH won the Rumble to get this show. Drowning Pool does HHH’s entrance and it SUCKS. That’s meant to be an old school rock song, not a bad metal version. The big story here is that HHH got tired of his wife Stephanie being all annoying and saying she could do whatever she wanted because anyone that opposed her would have to deal with HHH so he yelled at her, sending her over to Jericho. If you actually believe Jericho has anything resembling a chance here, I feel sorry for you. He does get a face pop though. Oh and HHH’s repaired quad is “hanging by a thread”.

Stephanie starts screeching as soon as the bell rings. Jericho takes him to the corner to start and bends the leg around the rope to a bit of an effect. HHH fires back with some right hands and the fans don’t seem to care. A backdrop puts Jericho down as does a clothesline. HHH comes back with the jumping knee to the face but hurts the bad leg in the process.

Jericho hits a backdrop to send HHH to the outside as they’re getting close to plodding territory. The champion spends too much time posing and is sent into the barricade for his troubles. A suplex on the floor lays out Jericho but HHH takes too much time loading up the announce table, allowing the champion to kick the bad leg out. Back inside now and HHH gets all CEREBRAL BABY and goes after Jericho’s leg.

After a good look at Stephanie’s rocking cleavage, there’s a figure four by HHH. Stephanie digs her nails into HHH’s eyes to break it up though, causing HHH to go after her. Jericho charges into Stephanie by mistake and into the ring she goes. HHH loads up the Pedigree on his wife but Jericho hits a missile dropkick to break it up. HHH’s leg is wrapped around the post a few times and Stephanie kicks him in the leg for good measure.

Back in again and Jericho cranks on the leg. The match isn’t bad so far but it’s doing nothing to draw my interest. The leg is wrapped around the post again and there’s the Figure Four around the post (on the correct leg and everything!) for good measure. Back in and HHH is taken down to the mat to stop a comeback bid before Jericho puts on an Indian Deathlock. HHH finally kicks Jericho away, sending him shoulder first into the post.

There’s a neckbreaker to Chris but he’s up first anyway. A clothesline gets two for HHH as Stephanie cheers for Jericho. The facebuster puts HHH down but he hurts his own leg again. The spinebuster gets two for HHH but Jericho is still up first. HHH is sent over the corner and out to the floor where Jericho loads up the announce table again. Jericho tries to put him in the Walls on the announce table ala the night HHH tore his quad but HHH fights out. Instead he loads up a Pedigree but Jericho backdrops him through the other table.

Back in and Jericho hits the Lionsault for two and there are the Walls for good measure. Jericho pulls him away from the ropes so HHH crawls again to make them. Stephanie offers a distraction so Jericho can bring in a chair but HHH counters with a DDT onto said chair. The crowd is DEAD for this. Stephanie comes in for no apparent reason and we finally get to see HHH Pedigree her. A chair shot to the head puts HHH down for two so Jericho loads up a Pedigree of his own. That gets countered into a slingshot and the real Pedigree gives HHH the title back.

Rating: C+. The match itself was ok but the crowd really drags it down. The problem with this match is that it went on after EVERYTHING else tonight and everyone is so freaking tired that no one cared. It didn’t help that HHH might have been a more obvious winner than Austin four years ago so we had to sit through 19 minutes until we got to the clear finish. The match itself was nothing special either. It was Jericho kicking him in the leg for the whole match before HHH escaped the Walls and hitting the Pedigree to win it. The match isn’t bad, but it’s completely lacking anything memorable.

HHH celebrates to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. FINALLY this is over. This is a show that collapsed under its own weight. Nothing on here other than Rock vs. Hogan is memorable at all and even worse, nothing else felt like it belonged at Wrestlemania. The show was lacking the emotion that it needed and you could tell the crowd wasn’t interested. It certainly isn’t a horrible show, but it’s dying to have about 45 minutes cut off. Do that and this is WAY easier to sit through. There’s a very big difference between something being bad and something being dull, and this was much more on the dull side.

Ratings Comparison

Rob Van Dam vs. William Regal

Original: C

Redo: B-

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Christian

Original: D+

Redo: C

Maven vs. Goldust

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Kurt Angle vs. Kane

Original: C+

Redo: C-

Undertaker vs. Ric Flair

Original: B

Redo: C

Edge vs. Booker T

Original: C

Redo: D+

Steve Austin vs. Scott Hall

Original: D

Redo: C

Billy and Chuck vs. APA vs. Dudley Boys vs. Hardy Boys

Original: F

Redo: D

Rock vs. Hollywood Hogan

Original: C+

Redo: B

Jazz vs. Trish Stratus vs. Lita

Original: F+

Redo: D-

HHH vs. Chris Jericho

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Overall Rating

Original: C

Redo: C-

I went back and forth a lot on that one but it still came out about the same. That’s intersting.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/25/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-18-should-have-been-hogan-vs-austin/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 25, 2002
Location: Bryce Jordan Center, State College, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 15,550
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Well as you know there’s usually a reason as to why I do these random Raws and in this case this is the first ever WWE Draft. Tonight we split the roster in two to have Raw and Smackdown as independent (yeah right) shows with different owners (Flair on Raw, Vince on Smackdown) in the system we’re used to now. This was also 8 days after Mania so we’re still kind of transitioning to the new year. Let’s get to it.

Linda introduces us to the concept of the Draft where tonight we’re only going to have twenty picks, as in ten each. There’s a world title match tonight with HHH vs. Jericho vs. Stephanie so none of them can be drafted. Also Austin is undraftable uh…..because he’s bald. That’s as good an explanation as any (the official reason is he had it in his contract. How was that contract written? “In the event that the roster becomes too big to sustain one roster and must be split in half under a concept called the Brand Split I get to not be drafted? Imagine those negotiations. In reality he was having a contract dispute and wasn’t signed).

Taz vs. Mr. Perfect

Hennig had made a comeback here at age 44 where he still looked solid out there. He would be gone in like three months after getting very drunk on a plane. He would be dead in less than a year which is mind blowing. Hennig says he’ll be the perfect pick and sounds a bit shall we say buzzed. Jazz and whoever winds up being world champion can be on both shows apparently. Perfectplex but Taz gets the ropes. They collide in the corner and Taz grabs the Tazmission to end this QUICK. Taz says Hennig was JUST ANOTHER VICTIM. He was getting popular around this time too but his neck gave out and he had to retire.

Rating: N/A. Way too short but competitive enough. Perfect was still rather good and looked exactly like he did in his prime. Shame his personal life was more or less a disaster because he could have been used as a solid midcard guy.

The owners are both in their war rooms going over their plans. Vince has the first pick.

After a break we’re ready for said pick. We get a brief speech and the #1 overall pick is The Rock. Can’t say that’s a bad way to go. Hard to believe he more or less had a year left. Rock comes out and Vince runs down a bunch of stuff Rock can’t do anymore, namely catchphrases he can’t say. Rock stops him from leaving and proceeds to make fun of Vince, leading the crowd in a huge YOU ARE A CENSORED chant. He’s just absolutely awesome here. This was rather funny. Rock does one last IF YA SMELL since it’s his last night on Raw which is a nice touch.

We’re back and it’s time for Flair’s first pick. With nothing special to say, he picks the Undertaker who was in a big feud with Flair around this time. Wow it’s weird to think about Taker being on Raw. He throws some stuff and we get a nice little graphic with Taker’s stats on it. Rock got the same.

Vince is ticked and Angle comes in to complain. Taker does the same and threatens Vince. It’s very weird to think that Taker started on Raw but he would be on Smackdown in about 4 months and has been there since.

Edge/Diamond Dallas Page vs. Booker T/Christian

These were both singles matches at Mania where both faces won. Edge was getting very hot very fast at this point and probably would have been world champion within a year had he not gotten hurt. Christian has the awesome entrance here with the high pitched singers saying AT LAST YOU ARE ON YOU OWN! I love that. It comes complete with Alberto’s current pyro. Christian cost DDP the European Title recently as well. Oh and Angle cost Edge a match vs. Booker.

The Draft Lottery is plugged even though most of the picks meant nothing. Edge and Booker start us off. This is another very short match where the Canadians go to the floor and DDP gets a Diamond Cutter on Booker. Christian with a save and Edge misses a spin kick by a mile but Christian doesn’t sell much of it, which I think was intentional. Axe Kick kills DDP for the pin.

Rating: N/A. This was another very short one although it was better than the first match. Nothing all that bad in here but when a match barely breaks two minutes it’s kind of hard to say if it was good or not. With such little time how can they get anything going at all? This wasn’t bad but it wasn’t very good either.

Angle lists off a ton of his accomplishments to Vince in an attempt to be the #2 pick which is rather funny. Vince wants the NWO though, which apparently is drafted as a unit. Vince takes Angle as the second pick after some nice psychology from Angle, but Kurt ticked about not being #1.

Flair immediately hits the stage and says he’ll do everything he can do to get Austin on Raw, which he would do. Flair takes the entire NWO (Hall, Nash and X-Pac) in a surprise. Vince is FURIOUS but vows to get Austin. Angle talks to him a bit and Vince takes Benoit who was still out injured. Oddly enough when he came back he started on Raw before moving over to Smackdown.

The NWO yells at Flair. Pac, who has been there since Thursday (literally) is now their mouthpiece. Hall says you don’t blow us off so Flair makes his #3 pick, who is designed to look after the NWO: Kane. Ok then. In other words on Smackdown we have Rock, Angle and Benoit. On Raw we have Nash (injured), Hall (fat), Waltman (overrated), Taker (AWFUL at this point) and Kane (you know the drill here). Which show would you rather watch?

Trish Stratus vs. Ivory

Ivory is back and this is some kind of a small grudge. Yeah there’s nothing to talk about here. Trish wins in about two minutes with Stratusfaction. No rating either. Totally worthless.

Vince comes out again and gets the chant Rock invented earlier. He takes Hogan, who is incorrectly listed as a 7 time WCW Champion. Ah apparently they’re including the Bash at the Beach title here. Vince doing Hogan’s air guitar is rather funny.

After a break, Flair comes out to take RVD who brings the IC Title with him.

Vince is mad about losing the IC Title so Angle suggests a match between him and RVD for the title tonight so Angle can bring it Smackdown.

Rock is walking around backstage and Hogan comes up to him. The bald one suggests a handicap match vs. the NWO. Well what kind of a huge face would Rock be if he said no?

Vince is here to make his next pick (5th overall if you’re keeping track) and he picks Billy and Chuck who are the tag champions.

Tough Enough 2 commercial. I had my first kiss while that show was going on in the background.

Somehow the boot of the week is a chair shot. No one accused WWE of making sense all the time.

NWO vs. Hulk Hogan/The Rock

This is Nash’s first match in the company I think since his return. Ah scratch that as I’m wrong actually. It was one of his first though. Hogan and X-Pac start us off here which is a RIVETING match indeed. And Hogan throws him to the floor immediately in a nice power display. Hall comes in and fails also so we switch to Nash. Amazingly all Hogan seems to do is punch.

Hot tag to the Rock and we CRANK it up. We shift from an 80s style to a 90s style and it’s much more interesting. Cold tag to Hogan and the crowd just dies. Pac makes the save as it’s all breaking down. He breaks out the knunchucks and here comes Kane since he’s the guy taking care of the NWO and he clears house, giving the NWO the win.

Rating: D. Weak match but Rock was interesting. This wasn’t much at all and with five minutes how big of a match can it be? This is the last match on Raw for Hogan and Rock? This is the best they can do? That’s hardly a good sign. This was really rather weak all things considered.

Vince comes into Flair’s office to yell about various things. Flair takes Booker. Vince takes Edge. Flair takes Big Show. Vince takes Rikishi. They’re going that fast. So in other words: Nash, Hall, Waltman, Taker, Kane and Big Show vs. Benoit, Rock, Angle and Edge. Who do you think wins in the long run here? Keep in mind that the NWO guys would all be gone in the second week of July, this is looking one sided to say the least. Come to think of it, a year after this Rock and Edge were gone too. Help is on the way however, as between now and August WWE would debut guys named Lesnar, Orton, Cena, Batista and Mysterio. Like I said, this was a transitional period for the company. Oh and Shawn came back in the fall too.

Jeff Hardy vs. Billy Gunn

This is during the gay era for Billy and Chuck, culminating in a mind blowing ending when they were about to be married but the minister was Eric Bischoff with a prosthetic face on, pretending to be a senior citizen aged preacher. It legitimately got me. Another two minute match but Jeff getting a singles run was a new idea back then. Matt and Chuck fighting on the floor cause Jeff to miss the Swanton. Lita TOTALLY botches a rana on Rico but Jeff gets the pin on Billy anyway.

Rating: N/A. I’m really getting tired of these short matches. That botch was a sight though. Her legs didn’t even get close to around his head. Moving on.

Flair picks Bubba Ray Dudley so Vince takes D-Von. They actually were going to try to make Bubba a serious challenger, even giving him a world title shot on Raw and giving it time. D-Von became a preacher with a deacon named Batista. I think the latter was a bit more famous.

European Title: Rikishi vs. William Regal

As Regal is coming to the ring, some HUGE muscle guy comes in and beats the living tar out of Rikishi, hitting a spinebuster and a SICK fireman’s carry spinout facebuster. You may know the move as the F5 and the guy as the current UFC World Heavyweight Champion: Brock Lesnar. I told you this was a transitional period. No match obviously.

Jazz is evil in New York.

Vince tries to get Brock but it’s not his pick so Flair takes him. Great to see that D-Von pick working for Vince. Vince takes Mark Henry. I actually laugh when I think of the comparison between those two. Flair takes the European William Regal so Vince takes Maven, the Hardcore Champion. Flair takes Lita. Those are the last two picks. Let’s stop for a minute here and go pick for pick and look at these selections with Vince’s coming first.

#1: Rock vs. Undertaker. That’s a tossup I guess as Rock was bigger at the time but Taker is better long term.
#2: Kurt Angle vs. NWO. Do I even need to make fun of this one?
#3: Chris Benoit vs. Kane. Vince wins this based on in ring work alone.
#4: Hulk Hogan vs. Rob Van Dam. Have to go Vince here again as RVD was never really that important in WWE. Close one though given the money Hogan probably commanded.
#5: Billy and Chuck vs. Booker T. Comedy team vs. future world champion. Hmm I wonder.
#6: Edge vs. Big Show. Vince gets another one.
#7: Rikishi vs. Bubba Ray Dudley. Everyone loses.
#8: D-Von Dudley vs. Brock Lesnar. Actually you could make a case for Vince winning here as like I said Batista debuted shortly after this as D-Von’s enforcer. On paper though it’s really Flair in a landslide as Brock was a once in a lifetime find.
#9: Mark Henry vs. William Regal. Flair wins again.
#10: Maven vs. Lita. Eyebrows Huffman vs. a great rack. Flair finishes strong.

Vince has the better core and I think wins pretty easily here, especially since Brock was on Smackdown within 8 months. Also Raw wound up being boring as HECK soon after this.

Vince makes fun of Flair picking Lita because it’s going to be awful and a cesspool.

Intercontinental Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Kurt Angle

Angle grabs a German immediately. DAng Angle was good back then. RVD makes a short comeback to some very solid cheers. He sets for the Five Star but Angle hits the floor. And then Angle pulls the referee in front of the dropkick for the DQ. Edge comes down for the save.

Rating: N/A. Dude we can’t have these two get TV time? Are you kidding me? Where is the time going in this show considering how fast they’re making picks?

Stephanie says she’s going to win the title.

Undisputed Title: Stephanie McMahon vs. HHH vs. Chris Jericho

This is a triple threat and if Stephanie is pinned she’s out of the company. Jericho sends HHH to the floor and Stephanie lays down for Jericho but HHH makes the save. HHH won the title 8 days before this mind you. Totally boring match as the two wrestlers have to be on pins and needles so Stephanie doesn’t get exposed as being NOT A WRESTLER.

Stephanie slaps Jericho for some reason and they argue. Jericho goes for the Walls as this match needs to end. We know HHH isn’t losing so quit teasing us about it. HHH knocks Jericho down and stalks Stephanie. Pedigree is set up but Jericho hits a dropkick to stop it. Jericho grabs a title and a chair and through some odd stuff both HHH and Jericho get belt shots. Stephanie comes in and covers Jericho for two. She does this weird thing of lifting her leg on covers.

HHH gets caught in the Walls but Stephanie jumps on Jericho’s back. Pedigree gets two on Jericho and Stephanie makes the save. Spinebuster ends her and she’s gone….for four months until she became Smackdown’s GM. Security literally drags her away.

Rating: D-. Just horrible stuff here as HHH and Jericho more or less did nothing while this was about Stephanie all over again. What a shock right? She was the focus of just about everything for a good while and this would only get worse in 03/04 when Smackdown was ALL about her and Vince and their stupid feud for power. This was a glorified house show main event though and was really quite stupid.

Overall Rating: D-. Just a bad show overall with the main event being the only thing to break 8 minutes. The picks are odd at best and stupid at worst with nothing really making that much sense at all. This was a bad show and the whole thing would just get worse as the year went on with Raw becoming the HHH show and no one really paying attention to how awesome Smackdown was. Oh and Shawn would come back and be instantly pushed to the top of the roster because he’s Shawn and a 4 year layoff is easy to come back from right? Bad show but huge for historical purposes.

 

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