Smackdown
Date: July 24, 2003
Location: Selland Arena, Fresno, California
Commentators: Tazz, Michael Cole

It’s the go home show for Vengeance and hopefully the improvements continue around here. The big story continues to be the McMahon family drama but the World Title scene is starting to heat up. There are a few other good things going on around here and I’m actually looking forward to the pay per view. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week’s handicap match with Kurt Angle defeating Big Show and the World’s Greatest Tag Team (albeit with some assistance from Zach Gowen).

Opening sequence.

Here’s Stephanie McMahon to get things going. She’s had a rough week but tonight she’s taking Smackdown back. Tonight’s main event will be Big Show/World’s Greatest Tag Team vs. Kurt Angle/Zach Gowen/Brock Lesnar. After some threats to Sable, here’s John Cena to interrupt. Cena had a dream about Stephanie last night and it had him standing at attention. He makes a bunch of jokes about her chest and gives Stephanie $20 to rip Sable’s top off. Cena: “I got this little fetish with nipples.”

What he’d really like to do is give her a spank though and Stephanie actually lets him, complete with bending over to help him out. Cena does in fact spank her but here’s Sable to interrupt, ending this week’s edition of “Stephanie is a sex symbol and we’re going to know about it”. She shows us a clip from last week’s messy brawl before bringing up Linda being attacked on Monday. Stephanie can worry about Linda though because Sable can take care of Vince. Chase is given and we take a break.

Back with Stephanie screeching about Sable and being told she’s in the parking lot.

Rey Mysterio/Billy Kidman vs. Matt Hardy/Shannon Moore

I wonder what Matt, who is considered sacred in Japan and defeated Mysterio and Kidman on consecutive pay per views, thinks of Stephanie’s spankability. Mysterio headlocks Matt to start before stopping a charge in the corner. Kidman adds a slingshot legdrop for two and it’s off to Shannon, who lured Kidman into a cheap shot from Matt.

For some reason the announcers debate whether Kamala was from the Himalayas until Matt gets two off a neckbreaker. The double teaming continues with Matt adding another forearm from the apron. We hit the double arm crank with Hardy’s boot in Kidman’s back. That’s broken up without much effort and the hot tag brings Mysterio back in. Things speed up in a hurry with Rey hitting the sitout bulldog.

Matt breaks up the 619, allowing Shannon to kick Rey in the chest to take him down. A sitout powerbomb plants Rey again to give Shannon two but Kidman is back in with a high crossbody. Matt breaks that up with a top rope legdrop but Rey hurricanranas him out to the floor. The 619 takes Shannon down and it’s the shooting star for the pin.

Rating: B. This took its time to get going but the last few minutes were excellent fast paced stuff. Mysterio and Kidman should be awesome as challengers to Haas and Benjamin on Sunday and if it’s given enough time, we could be in for a show stealer. I don’t think the titles are changing hands but at least it’s going to be fun while it lasts. That being said, the fact that I completely forgot Mysterio was Cruiserweight Champion until later in the show is a bad sign. Just don’t put the title on him if this is what you’re using him for.

Stephanie chases Sable, who was just standing there while Stephanie came running up. Of course Stephanie WON’T STOP SCREECHING, even as she rips Sable’s top off. Sable gets in the limo but Vince pops up to stop Stephanie from breaking the window. Vince won’t answer why he’s not at home taking care of Linda. They really aren’t hiding what they’re doing with Sable and Stephanie and it’s not working. Stephanie as the vicious fighter is rather laughable and they’re all but advertising that someone is losing clothes on Sunday. The screeching is ruining almost any positives about the whole thing though and that’s a problem.

Jamie Noble vs. Billy Gunn

Well at least it’s not at the pay per view. Nidia isn’t here tonight but it has NOTHING to do with Jamie offering Torrie money for sleeping with him. Billy charges in and hammers away before hitting his hiptoss into a neckbreaker (cool move). They head outside with Jamie sending him into the barricade. A Torrie distraction lets Billy grab a slam into a swinging Rock Bottom for the very fast pin. Now let this stupid thing be over.

Post match Jamie says he’s better than Billy in every way, including in bed. Torrie grabs the mic and says they can have a rematch at Vengeance and if Jamie beats him, she’ll sleep with Jamie. Right here on Smackdown next week.

Video on the Asia tour.

We see Torrie’s proposal again.

The A-Train comes in to see the APA, who invite him to the Bar Room Brawl. Brother Love, the Conquistadors, Tough Enough guys and the EASTER BUNNY will be there. A-Train: “Where I come from, we HATE the Easter Bunny.” A-Train doesn’t want Bradshaw’s new book and leaves. Cue the Brooklyn Brawler, who wants in so he can beat Doink up for whatever reason. Brawler has to prove himself tonight.

Cena is standing in a flaming pentagram and cuts a rather religious promo about how evil he’ll be on Sunday. This show is all over the place tonight.

Here’s Eddie Guerrero for a chat. Before getting in the ring, Eddie polishes the low rider’s chrome for a bit (drawing the face pop of the night). In spite of the rest of this show, that’s not a euphemism for anything else. Eddie talks about being ready to face his best friend Chris Benoit on Sunday so here’s Benoit to interrupt. Benoit laughs off the idea of them being best friends because Eddie hasn’t called him in months. How many best friends does Eddie have?

Eddie laughs off the idea but it’s ok because he was just lying. After seeming to forget his lines, Eddie says he can’t stand Benoit and we go over their history together. Eddie is sick of being the second in command to someone like Benoit. That’s why he’s winning the US Title on Sunday. Benoit is ready to fight right now but Eddie uses the “on my time” excuse. Eddie tries a cheap shot but settles for blinding Benoit with the car polish, drawing a loud EDDIE chant. Rhyno comes out for the save and it’s time for a challenge. Eddie ignores him and plays with the polish bottle in a glorious moment. The match is finally made.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Rhyno

Joined in progress with Rhyno pounding on Eddie and cutting off a charge with a raised boot. A powerbomb into Snake Eyes gives Rhyno two and we’re off to an early chinlock. Rhyno slams him down and grabs the same hold. Eddie fights up and grabs a northern lights suplex for two but Rhyno comes back with a Crossface. It’s very odd seeing Rhyno wrestle as the heel here, just a few minutes after Eddie TRIED TO BLIND Benoit.

Eddie sends him outside for a slingshot dive to take over for the first time, much to the crowd’s delight. Back in and Eddie stands on Rhyno’s hair before soaking in the cheers. Rhyno is back up with a shoulder block for two, followed by a spinebuster for a very delayed near fall. Eddie is right back up with a super hurricanrana but has to avoid the Gore. That means a low blow to Rhyno with Eddie being smart enough to claim that he took one instead. The confused referee doesn’t seem to mind and counts the pin on Rhyno (with Eddie’s feet on the ropes just because).

Rating: B. Eddie is a national treasure and the company is smart enough to not even really try to push him as a full on heel. It says a lot when he’s so talented at being a villain that the fans can’t help but cheer him even more. This is some of the best stuff he’s ever done and it’s becoming more and more of a treat to see him every single week.

The APA visited the troops this week and invited Saddam Hussein to the Bar Room Brawl.

APA vs. FBI

Heel miscommunication leads to the Clothesline ending Palumbo in about thirty seconds.

Nunzio gets beaten up as well so here’s the Brawler to chair the APA down. The Bashams, the A-Train and Sean O’Haire come in to join on the beating.

Vince comes in to see Gowen but Lesnar and Angle make the save. You know, because the would-be hero needs to be saved from Vince.

Pay per view run down. This isn’t on the Network version, likely due to a music issue.

Big Show/World’s Greatest Tag Team vs. Kurt Angle/Brock Lesnar/Zach Gowen

Angle grabs a front facelock on Shelton before getting shouldered down. That’s enough of this wrestling stuff so Angle tosses Shelton with a suplex. Haas comes in and gets armbarred as well before Brock comes in for some hard shoulders in the corner. Lesnar tosses Gowen onto Haas and Benjamin, again making me wonder why I’m supposed to care about a glorified mascot.

Show tosses Gowen around and it’s back to Angle as everything breaks down. Cue Vince to chair Gowen in the good leg, leaving Angle and Lesnar to suplex/spinebuster Haas and Benjamin. Gowen is taken to the back and we go to a break. Back with Angle hammering on Show until Shelton makes a save. The jump over Haas onto Angle’s back gets two and it’s off to Big Show for a half crab.

Shelton’s superkick gets two but Angle throws Charlie down, allowing the hot tag off to Lesnar. More house is cleaned until Big Show kicks him in the face to slow things right back down. Everything breaks down again and the Angle Slam into the ankle lock has Show in trouble. Lesnar F5’s Charlie but breaks the hold by mistake, leaving Show to grab the chokeslam for the pin.

Rating: C. The match was starting to drag but thank goodness they got rid of Gowen so soon. It seems that they’re already realizing that there’s nothing there and it’s a big waste of time to pretend otherwise. The World Title feud has been well built, but have either Haas/Benjamin or Mysterio/Kidman mentioned that they’re fighting each other on Sunday? I don’t think either seem to realize it.

Lesnar mauls all three villains post match but gets in a fight with Angle. The distraction lets Show hit a double chokeslam to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. Vengeance is getting one of the oddest builds I’ve ever seen. The World Title match is perfectly fine, but the rest is this weird combination of stuff that makes me want to gouge my ears off (anything McMahon related) and outstanding stuff (anything Eddie does at the moment). Above all else though, there’s a ton of good stuff to look forward to on Sunday but at the same time, there’s a lot of stuff that feels like an excuse to torture us. The show was good though and I’m more interested in seeing the pay per view than I was, which is all this was supposed to accomplish.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: July 21, 2003
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jonathan Coachman

So Kane is still the big monster, even though we already have HHH as the evil World Champion. As usual, this show seemingly has no idea how to push a face other than Steve Austin, who might be in line to be fired tonight. The good thing is we should be starting the build towards Summerslam soon, meaning we can get away from these big TV shows. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Kane setting JR on fire last week, because that’s the kind of thing going on around here. More importantly though, Austin might be fired by Linda McMahon, because we don’t have enough of that family.

Opening sequence.

Eric Bischoff is in the ring and brags about Austin being fired tonight but Linda cuts him off. She needs Eric to listen up because she’s only going to say this once (I’m sure there will be half a dozen replays though so he’s covered): Kane and Kane alone is responsible for his actions. JR hasn’t pressed charges against Kane but Kane will have to undergo extensive psychological counseling and is under house arrest. That being said, he can still come here and earn a living, which is why he’ll be facing Rob Van Dam tonight. I’m…..really not sure that’s how that works.

Anyway, Bischoff still wants Austin fired so here’s Austin in person. He won’t apologize for anything he’s done in this role because he’s always thought it was the right thing to do. If JR doesn’t want to press charges, Austin will beat Kane up himself. I’m sure there’s a rule against beating up someone under house arrest.

Linda doesn’t think either of them have done anything wrong but Austin can’t keep beating people up. If he wants to keep his job, he won’t be putting his hands on anyone anymore, unless he’s physically provoked. Austin says he has a lot to think about but Linda says if Austin steps down, Bischoff is in full control. He’ll think about it, but Linda can only give him a week. As for tonight, they both have the week off. The Goodbye Song is sung and beer is consumed.

Trish Stratus/Gail Kim vs. Molly Holly/Victoria

Molly and Gail start us off but thankfully it’s off to Trish a few seconds in. Lawler talks about being distracted due to JR. Just to be clear, JERRY LAWLER is talking about not paying enough attention to women’s wrestling. While that one settles in, Molly hits her handspring elbow on Trish to what sounds more like a golf clap. Victoria’s slingshot flip legdrop gets two but an enziguri drops Molly.

Gail comes back in with a high crossbody for no cover, instead botching the run up the corner. Maybe she’s slippery due to the big beer stain on the mat? Or she’s just not that great yet? Everything breaks down and Gail gets one off the hurricanrana. Victoria rips Gail’s top off but Trish kicks Gail in the head by mistake, giving Molly the pin.

Rating: D-. Maybe it’s just too early in her run but Gail is almost shockingly limited and flat out bad so far. Her offense is limited and she has no character to speak of, which somehow puts her on the low end of the division. Bad and sloppy match here, but that’s what you have to expect from a women’s match around this time.

Terri is waiting for Kane to arrive when Chris Jericho comes in to ask why she’s not talking about his match with Shawn Michaels. Because that’s not her assignment? He sings a bit, which is likely why this is missing from the Network version.

Austin and Bischoff run into each other in the parking lot. An argument over what ended WCW ensues.

Here’s Evolution for a chat, debuting the Motorhead version of their theme music in the process. Orton talks about Mick Foley wanting him to make a name for himself, which Orton did by throwing Foley down a flight of stairs. He officially dubs himself the Legend Killer.

Randy Orton vs. Val Venis

HHH is on commentary. Venis takes over with a hammerlock to start and ties the arm up with his feet. Orton shoves him back as HHH wonders why JR didn’t stop, drop and roll. Back up and Flair grabs Venis’ foot, allowing Orton to hit his dropkick. Val makes a comeback after a full ten seconds on defense, including a Blue Thunder Bomb for two. HHH panicking for a split second on the near fall is a nice touch. The Money Shot misses and it’s the RKO for the pin.

Rating: D. Just another quick win for Orton and that’s what this should have been. Orton gets to look good (albeit not too good) in a showcase match, which hopefully leads to something in the future. Having him out there showcasing his athleticism and the good finisher is all he needs right now though and this is a lot better than having him on the losing end of tag matches.

Post match Evolution gets in the ring with HHH bragging about their high level of awesome but Goldberg returns for the first time in a few weeks. Goldberg talks about HHH not looking invincible but just another victim. So now he’s Taz? Goldberg says HHH is next, thankfully keeping his talking short and to the point. Evolution bails of course.

Post break, Evolution has a plan, which seems to focus on Orton.

Wrestlemania Recall: Michaels vs. Jericho.

Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho

They go technical to start with Shawn getting in a hammerlock before tossing Jericho outside. Back in and Jericho headlocks him down as the slow pace continues. A pinfall reversal sequence leads to a Shawn headlock as the announcers talk about Kane and JR some more.

Jericho finally gets in a backbreaker and blocks skinning the cat, only to get low bridged out to the floor. A springboard crossbody drops Jericho again and Shawn decks an invading Flair for good measure. The Walls of Jericho go on though and we take a break. Back with Shawn hammering away in the corner, making me think they wasted a bit of a moment with that break. A big backdrop puts Shawn on the floor and it’s Flair getting in a few cheap shots as only he can.

Back in (again) and Shawn dropkicks him out of the air for a double knockdown. It’s Shawn up first with some clothesline and a catapult into the corner for two. Jericho is right back with a suplex and Lionsault for two. A top rope superplex is broken up though and Shawn drops the top rope elbow.

Sweet Chin Music misses and the referee turns his head for no reason other than allowing Jericho to get in a low blow. Jericho grabs a chair but gets it superkicked into his face but the referee was with Flair. The nitwit referee goes to yell at Flair, allowing Orton to come in with an RKO onto the chair. It’s only good for two but Jericho grabs the Walls and Shawn (eventually) taps. That’s certainly better than the RKO getting the pin.

Rating: B-. This was more long than good as the interference took away too much focus from the match. If this leads to Orton beating Shawn then things are a little better, but for not it feels like they’re just wasting what could have been a major pay per view match. Now that being said, what we got was good, but these two are capable of so much more and it’s disappointing that they didn’t approach that level. At least Jericho got the win though, which should do him some good in the near future.

We look back at the opening segment.

Here’s Lance Storm to show off his talents to all the Hollywood elite tonight, including Rob Reiner in the front row. Storm reads off a statement about why he would be a great box office attraction but we cut to Kane, in shackles, arriving.

Ivory and Terri entertained some troops earlier this week.

Intercontinental Title: Test vs. Booker T.

Booker is defending and slugs away to start as Christian is shown watching in the back. A knee to the ribs cuts Booker off and Test gets in a few right hands. Test stops for some exercises because the Scott Steiner feud is still a thing. Booker elbows him in the face as Lawler AGAIN asks about JR pressing charges against Kane. This is probably the tenth time tonight and I have no idea how much more there is to say about it.

Test charges into a spinebuster but runs Booker over. Cue Steiner with a chair but it’s only so Stacy can come out and give him a lap dance on the stage. The distraction (with a great view) lets Booker grab a rollup for two. Not that it matters as the Bookend connects to retain the title a few seconds later.

Rating: D. I had no issues with Stacy here but egads why is this feud continuing? Weren’t we supposed to get Nash vs. Test? Booker winning is the right idea and it’s nice to see him getting some success but even he can’t get much out of Test. Hopefully this story wraps up soon as it’s really not getting any better.

Some wrestlers are talking about Kane in the back while Hurricane and Rosey talk about Kane going insane. Hurricane thinks Rosey is a superhero in training and Goldust comes up to explain the joke.

Video on Kane vs. Rob Van Dam.

Kane vs. Rob Van Dam

Kane has to be unshackled. Van Dam charges to the ring and kicks Kane outside for a big dive before the bell. Kane takes over and beats Van Dam up the aisle before loading up a chokeslam off the stage. Agents come out for the save and break it up but here’s Linda to really make things serious. Kane grabs her by the throat with Lawler failing to make a save. Everyone else is knocked down and Kane Tombstones Linda on the stage to end the show. The bell never rang so no match.

Overall Rating: D. So the Kane Show continues and that part is working fairly well actually. There’s a story there (and if you don’t know it, give Lawler five seconds and he’ll talk about it again) and Kane is selling the heck out of it, but where is it supposed to lead? He’s not getting the World Title and the top face on Raw (and really the only one who hasn’t been destroyed) is busy with HHH. There’s really just squashing Van Dam or Booker T. and neither of those are going to mean anything. Kane needs someone to destroy and Linda isn’t going to be enough.

As for the rest of the show, it was the usual Raw drek. The wrestling ranges from Shawn vs. Jericho being underwhelming (but still good) to everything else being pretty disastrous. There’s some stuff on here which could be good but they need to actually have some watchable matches for a change. A hot midcard feud would help too, though we seem destined for Evolution dominating and Kane running through the already damaged face pool. Maybe Summerslam can help, but not if it’s just more of the same.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: July 17, 2003
Location: Nationwide Arena, Columbus, Ohio
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re almost to Vengeance and the good things in the build towards the show have been quite good. At the same time though, the bad thing is very bad. Vince vs. Stephanie is running wild and for some reason we’re supposed to want to see Vince vs. Zach Gowen at the pay per view. Let’s get to it.

This was actually taped on Sunday as the Smackdown roster was going on an Asian tour.

We open with a recap of last week’s main event with Big Show chokeslamming Brock Lesnar through a table.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Vince to get things going. He recaps the Gowen story (minus the Hogan aspect) up to last week and blames Kurt Angle for Gowen winning his contract. The point is everyone needs to be taught a lesson, which is what Gowen learned last week (I think he meant to say Lesnar there).

Last week ended with Lesnar being chokeslammed through a table while Angle was in Vince’s office. Vince had Angle stay in the back because if he interfered, he would be out of the triple threat at Vengeance. Therefore tonight, Angle will be facing the same match tonight: no holds barred, falls count anywhere against Big Show/Charlie Haas/Shelton Benjamin.

Cue Lesnar to say he’s here to beat the boss….and Vince actually makes himself vs. Brock. Just not tonight of course. Vince wants Brock to be at 100% so tonight, Brock has the night off. That includes keeping him out of tonight’s handicap match. If he interferes, he’s stripped of the title and fired. Brock leaves, but since he can’t give Vince an F5, he’ll settle for FU.

US Title Tournament Semifinals: Matt Hardy vs. Chris Benoit

Matt, who’s beard is much cooler than Benoit’s and tans wearing only a sock, has Shannon Moore back in his corner. Benoit tries a Crossface less than ten seconds in (you don’t insult a man’s beard) but settles for a regular armbar instead. Matt gets tied up in the ropes so Shannon sneaks in for a neckbreaker to change control. It’s off to a seated full nelson for a bit until Benoit pops up with a running forearm to the head.

Shannon comes in again and is promptly suplexed over the top and out to the floor. The Crossface goes on but Matt, with a bloody nose or lip, is in the ropes in a hurry. A Side Effect gives Matt two but he misses a Swan Dive. Benoit rolls some German suplexes, only to miss a Swan Dive of his own. Matt takes him up top for a super Side Effect, only to be countered into the Crossface to send Benoit to Vengeance.

Rating: B-. Matt was trying hard out there and the finish looked awesome. This was a solid match and that’s not the most surprising thing in the world, especially given the fact that Hardy is back to his normal range of opponents. Hopefully this is the kind of match the US Title starts to represent and if that’s the case, Benoit will be just fine.

Vince is in Stephanie’s office when she comes in to say she expected to find him here. Sable isn’t here tonight but has sent a peace offering: Midol. It’s as funny as it sounds.

Brock goes to leave but and Angle can’t stop him.

Ultimo Dragon vs. Jamie Noble

Before the match, Jamie ups his offer to $25,000 for a night with Torrie Wilson. Nidia walks away in a huff. I’d have expected her to approve actually. Dragon kicks him down to start and seems surprised at Noble kicking out. Noble heads outside and there’s the Asai moonsault for good measure. Back in and Jamie kicks him down, only to have Billy Gunn and Torrie come out for a distraction. Dragon grabs a rollup for the pin. If Dragon needs Billy Gunn to beat a comedy cruiserweight, just leave now.

John Cena is in a cemetery and raps about Undertaker being gay and a dead issue. He also relieves himself on a grave.

We look back at Rey Mysterio and Billy Kidman becoming #1 contenders last week.

The APA invites Brian Kendrick and Spanky to the first ever APA Invitational Bar Room Brawl at Vengeance. Kanyon can’t go because his cable guy is coming. That’s not an option so threats of violence make Kanyon agree to reschedule.

Rey Mysterio/Billy Kidman vs. Los Conquistadors

These would be Conquistador #45 and #47, who I believe are Rob Conway and Nick Dinsmore. 45 (Conway) starts things off with Kidman and a headscissors takes the masked man down. Mysterio comes in but gets cheapshotted from the apron so 47 (who certainly looks like Dinsmore) can get in some forearms.

The masked men make a switch with no tag (the referee doesn’t notice despite 45 having blond hair sticking out from underneath the mask) and a neckbreaker gets two on Kidman. A powerbomb is broken up and there’s the 619 into the shooting star for the pin on 45. Not bad actually, but that’s not surprising given who was under the masks.

Here’s Vince for another chat. He’s not happy with being interrupted earlier because he wanted to talk about Sable, who is in the Presidential box. She’s up there for Stephanie’s protection and Vince explains her sexual prowess. This shifts into a discussion of Gowen, who has a handicap. That must make the fans feel a little uncomfortable and everyone here knows it. Sure they might give a few bucks to charity but that’s just a way to keep the conditions at arm’s length.

Cue Cena of all people, with Vince dancing a bit to his music. Cena talks about Gowen winning being an impossible mission because just like Ted Turner, he’s no competition. At Vengeance, he’s killing a dead man while Vince fights Christopher Reeves. Cena: “What’s better than a one legged wrestler? Being able to walk!” Vince: “Word life.” Undertaker comes out and clears the ring without much effort.

Rhyno vs. Sean O’Haire

They fight outside before the bell but here’s the APA to invite them to the Bar Room Invitational. I know Piper leaving messed with O’Haire’s push but this is all they have for him? Fighting ensues.

Sable complains about the service in her suite.

US Title Tournament Semifinals: Eddie Guerrero vs. Billy Gunn

Feeling out process to start until Gunn punches him down. A powerslam gets two and a delayed vertical suplex is good for the same. Eddie sends him into the corner and hammers away before getting two off a snapmare of all things. We hit a chinlock with Tazz making jokes about Torrie bouncing as she plays cheerleader. Billy fights up and hits a release faceplant, only to get caught in a half crab (looked to be the Lasso From El Paso but it fell apart).

Eddie’s brainbuster sets up the frog splash but Billy rolls away because this needs to keep going. Billy’s cobra clutch slam gets two (he’s no Jinder Mahal) and here’s Jamie for a distraction. Eddie gets in a chair shot and drops to the mat to make sure the referee doesn’t know who did it. So for once the referee actually heard the chair shot? That might be a first and Eddie gets the pin.

Rating: C-. So now the US Title tournament is being used to set up Gunn vs. Noble? They really are going for it this time around. Anyway, Eddie winning was the only option here and that’s the right move. At least we should get a classic out of the title match and Gunn vs. Noble can be five minutes long for the thrilling conclusion.

Sable is being interviewed when Stephanie sneaks in (read as walks in wearing a waiter’s uniform) to pour wine over Sable’s head. Catfighting ensues and food is spilled everywhere.

Kurt Angle vs. Big Show/World’s Greatest Tag Team

Hardcore. Angle gets double teamed in the corner to start as Show stands on the apron for the sake of dramatic convenience. Charlie gets sent head first into Shelton’s crotch though and it’s off to Big Show for a headbutt. A trashcan lid to the back gets two on Angle and the villains finally realize triple teaming is perfectly fine.

Back in and Show gets low bridged outside, leaving Angle to German suplex the normal sized opponents. A heck of a chair shot drops Show and we take a break. Back with Haas being sent over the barricade and Benjamin getting clotheslined down. They head into the crowd with Benjamin being thrown through a gate and Charlie getting caught in the ankle lock. Show makes a save and takes Angle to the stage.

The group beatdown continues until Angle cleans house with a trashcan lid. Show gets in a clothesline though and here’s Gowen for some jumping knees to the head. Angle Slams take down Show and Benjamin but Show is up fast enough to save Haas from the ankle lock. Gowen gets thrown into the barricade but Angle hits Show with the steps. Back in and Shelton kicks Charlie by mistake, setting up the ankle lock for the submission.

Rating: B-. I liked this more than I expected to as they allowed the match to build up and let Angle hang in there long enough to steal a win. The interference helps a bit and while it’s a stretch to have Angle beat them, he didn’t pin Show and outsmarted the champs rather than flat out defeating them. Good match, especially with Angle one upping Lesnar after last week.

Overall Rating: C-. They kept the Vince/Stephanie/Sable/Gowen stuff on more of a leash this week and it helped a lot. Unfortunately we got two Gunn vs. Noble segments instead so it kind of balances out. The wrestling was better this week with some matches getting time, though there are still a lot of problems around here. That being said, Vengeance is looking better each week as there’s a chance that they’ll give the matches enough time to pay off all the build put into them. Not a great show, but they’re fixing some of the problems.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: July 14, 2003
Location: Conseco Fieldhouse, Indianapolis, Indiana
Commentators: Jonathan Coachman, Jerry Lawler

So Kane is running around like a monster again and that could mean a lot of things. Well more likely it means Kane gets a big push and doesn’t win anything of note, but it’s still better than Kevin Nash. We also have Evolution back on the rise, albeit without any major challenger for HHH. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Kane being motivated by Steve Austin last week, turning him back into the monster in the process.

Opening sequence.

It’s time for the Highlight Reel with a ticked off Chris Jericho. Enough is enough and it’s time for something to be done tonight. Raw has broken down into chaos over the last few weeks with superstars being attacked, grown men being terrified and even Jericho himself being scared. There’s one man who could save things though and that man is his guest tonight: Eric Bischoff, sporting a neck brace.

Jericho praises Bischoff’s courage for coming out here with Eric saying there was no way he was taking the suggested eight weeks off. Bischoff is back to deal with Kane, who has been running amok. He even has exclusive footage from last week with Kane attacking Rob Van Dam. As for tonight, Eric has sent JR to Connecticut to interview Kane but here’s Austin to cut him off. Austin was ready to deal with Kane tonight and if that means beating him up, so be it.

Bischoff doesn’t think much of the plan and puts the whole thing on Austin’s head for berating Kane a few weeks ago. Austin is ready to leave with no violence but Jericho opens his mouth and calls him worthless, earning a Stunner to give the fans something to cheer for. This was nearly fifteen minutes long and went pretty much nowhere.

Trish Stratus/Kevin Nash/Scott Steiner vs. Steven Richards/Test/Victoria

This is supposed to be a fair match? Steiner and Richards start things off, meaning it’s an early belly to belly suplex into the pushups. The women come in and Trish Matrixes into the Chick Kick for two. Test trips Trish up from the apron though and comes in for a clothesline. Victoria’s slingshot suplex gets two but a neckbeaker gets Trish out of trouble. It’s off to Nash, now billed as Big Nasty, for a big boot to Test’s face. The Jackknife ends Richards.

Rating: D. So we were really supposed to buy Test and Steven Richards as a match for two former World Champions? That’s the best they can do for a midcard match around here? The women were trying here but there was too much bad going around to really allow this to work. Well that and the uninteresting story and trying to set up what seems to be a Test vs. Nash feud.

Jericho demands Bischoff do something about Austin.

Lance Storm vs. Maven

Before the match, Storm threatens to sue the fans for chanting BORING. As weird as this might sound, Storm might be too boring to make this work. They hit the mat to start with the boring chants beginning early. Maven manages to botch a hiptoss so Storm goes down for two anyway. Storm gets all fired up and throws off his elbow pad as Lawler points out that no one has ever chanted BORING at him. We hit an armbar as the crowd just keeps dying.

Storm grabs a long chinlock to try and set something up, only to have Maven fight up with some weak clotheslines. Maven’s high crossbody is rolled thru but Maven rolls thru that for a sloppy two. The announcers aren’t exactly hiding how bad this is as Storm gets two of his own off a superkick. The Maple Leaf goes on and Maven grabs the rope before reversing the unbroken hold into a rollup for the pin.

Rating: F. It takes a lot to bring down Lance Storm, who is one of the most technically sound wrestlers you’ll find. Maven managed to do it though and that can’t be a huge surprise. Basically WWE is having a guy who would be just getting started on the indy circuit to come on Raw and have high level matches. That’s just dumb thinking and I have no idea why WWE kept putting him out there like this. You have a developmental system for a reason.

JR is ready to interview Kane.

Here’s La Resistance for a chat. They’re glad Bischoff is back because Austin held them off the show last week. Today is Bastille Day so let’s hit that French National Anthem. They’re still at it after a break until all three Dudleys, carrying the American flag, come in for the save. Grenier takes a 3D and the Dudleyz sing the Star Spangled Banner because the French National Anthem sucks.

Dudley Boyz vs. Evolution

Elimination rules. Bubba and Flair get things going with a backdrop sending Ric into his swearing fit. Ric flips Spike off to bring him in and a single slap gives us the Flair Flop. A dropkick makes things even worse but Flair pokes him in the eye to stop the nonsense. Orton comes in for his own dropkick which nearly clears Spike’s head. HHH gets in a few shots before it’s back to Orton, who is taken down this time.

Spike’s top rope double stomp connects and everything breaks down. The Dudley Dog is countered into an RKO for the first elimination and it’s looking bad for the brothers. A Doomsday Device plants Orton and Bubba splashes the other two in the corner. Maybe it’s not looking so bad. There’s What’s Up to HHH and a 3D to Orton (who shakes his head no as he’s falling into the cutter for a great touch) but Flair makes a save.

HHH is back up with a French flag shot to D-Von though and the elimination leaves Bubba all alone. D-Von leaves but Bubba calls him back to get the table. Dude GET YOUR OWN TABLES FOR ONCE! Referees cut him off though and we take a break. Back with Flair having to let go of a reversed Figure Four. Bubba fights up and hits HHH low, followed by a Bubba Bomb to Orton. HHH is laid out on a table at ringside but Flair makes a save, allowing the Pedigree to connect. Orton gets the final pin to wrap things up.

Rating: D+. The wrestling wasn’t much but they FINALLY gave Orton something here as he scored all three pins. They need to do something to make him look like a big deal and while this isn’t enough to pull the job off, it’s certainly a step in the right direction. Let him pick up the Intercontinental Title in the near future and things will be just fine for him.

Rob Van Dam tells Bischoff he wants Kane so the match is made for next week. Bischoff tells him to proceed with caution but Van Dam says he started this with Kane and next week he’ll finish it.

Jericho is gathering signatures on a petition to get rid of Austin. A bunch of people have signed but Tommy Dreamer seems hesitant.

Before the next match, Teddy Long says he and Rodney Mack signed the petition to get rid of Austin. There should be a black man replacing him, but Teddy can’t do it himself due to obligations to Players Inc. He has other ideas though, like Snoop Dogg or Johnnie Cochran.

Rodney Mack vs. Rosey

Rosey shoulders him down and hits a corner splash but Long breaks up the Samoan drop with a low blow to give Mack the fast pin.

Post match Hurricane comes in with a missile dropkick on Mack.

Evolution signs the petition.

Intercontinental Title: Booker T. vs. Christian

Booker is defending in the feud that won’t die. Some early forearms have Christian in trouble as Coach dares to question the power of the peepulation. A missile dropkick attempt is broken up and Booker is sent into the corner. Christian whips him into the steps for two and it’s time for the chinlock with a knee in Booker’s back. Booker fights up with a spinning kick to the face and a spinebuster for two as Lawler sings Christian’s praises.

We get a ref bump (here we go) and Christian hits the Unprettier for no count. A second ref comes in for the two and Christian isn’t happy with the near fall. He makes up for it with a rollup while grabbing ropes and the trunks for the pin and the title. That’s all well and good but the first referee gets up and says not so fast. Cue Austin to bring in a THIRD ref and restart the match so Booker can hit a quick ax kick to retain.

Rating: C-. I could live with this a little more if the matches weren’t so bad but these have been the very definition of average at best. The guys don’t have chemistry together and it becomes more clear every week. It also doesn’t help that there are a bunch of people who could use an Intercontinental Title feud (or even a match or two) and we’re stuck with this stuff over and over. It’s not awful but it’s been covered quite thoroughly.

Post match Christian beats up a referee so Austin runs back in for a Stunner.

Bischoff gets a call from Linda McMahon.

Kane gives JR a present but it’s left on a table for now.

Women’s Title: Gail Kim vs. Molly Holly

Gail is defending. They trade wristlocks to start with Gail wristdragging her out of the corner. Lawler asks Coach what he knows about Gail’s background. Coach: “Well I know she looks good.” I know it’s only been a few weeks but they probably should have more than just that to go on. Molly gets rolled up for two as Lawler talks about liking Molly’s high estrogen levels. Gail gets in a dropkick and a hurricanrana, followed by a second hurricanrana to retain.

Rating: D-. The commentary actually summed up the problem with Gail, and most of the women on the roster for that matter. Can someone tell me any details about almost any of the women? Molly is annoyed at almost everyone, Victoria is basically crazy, Trish is plucky, Jacqueline is loud, Ivory is….well her name is Ivory, and Gail is an attractive rookie. Am I really missing anything important? The match was terrible too as Gail showed the ability to do fewer moves than a banged up Kevin Nash.

JR opens his gift and finds….a gas can. If he makes fun of Kane once, he’ll be set on fire. Since security around here sucks, we go ahead with the interview. After JR sucks up to avoid a bad case of being burned alive, we see the same video that opened the show. Kane’s reactions to that: anger and hatred. He doesn’t understand why so many people want to see his face because it brings him pain.

JR brings up the lack of scars or horrible skin that Kane always talks about. Kane says JR sounds like the doctors from when he was a kid who told him to go see a shrink. The towel comes off as Kane keeps ranting about how much of a monster he is. JR says he sees a man who needs help so Kane asks him for help.

We get some Oklahoma psychiatry with JR saying no one cares what Kane looks like. That sets him off and screaming ensues, only to have Austin come into the arena to calm Kane down. I mean, I’m not sure how well that’s going to work when Austin is in Indianapolis and Kane is in Connecticut but I’m no Austin.

Kane yells at Austin and JR before punching the latter down. JR is lit on fire (I wonder if it would be wrong to ask him which kind of barbecue sauce would go best on him.) and put out rather slowly. Bischoff comes out to say this is Austin’s fault so Linda will be here to fire him next week. So yeah, a guy was just lit on fire (didn’t need to happen as Kane was nailing it before things got silly) but let’s cut back to the bickering bosses to end the show. You know, because THE GUY BEING LIT ON FIRE is totally forgettable.

Overall Rating: D. There are moments of acceptable on here but egads the bad stuff is really bad. It’s a bunch of horrible wrestling but the worse part is the lack of much of a direction. Why am I supposed to be interested in Test vs. Nash, Rosey vs. Mack and Storm vs. being boring? That’s really as good as they can get at this point? You can’t throw Goldberg out there for a squash just to wake the crowd up a little bit? A pay per view might help, but above all else they need something interesting just to give me something to look forward to on these shows. As usual, really boring show with almost nothing worth seeing.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: July 10, 2003
Location: Air Canada Centre, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re on the road to Vengeance and that means it’s time to start setting up a few things. We already have a triple threat main event for the World Title but I’m worried about what might be coming with the McMahons and Zach Gowen, especially now that Hogan is gone. Actually that could be an improvement, depending on what they do to replace him. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Gowen getting a contract last week. I’m sure nothing but good things will come of this.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Kurt Angle to open the show but Cole won’t stop talking about Gowen. Angle recaps the World Title picture and the triple threat at Vengeance. He’d love to get his title back and tells Big Show and Brock Lesnar to bring it on. Instead it’s John Cena answering to make gay jokes about Lesnar and Angle. He thinks his match with Undertaker is the real main event for the pay per view and Angle is just a joke. They’re like Terminator 3 and Angle is like a Legally Blonde sequel (I saw that in theaters and it wasn’t that bad).

Angle: “I didn’t think it was possible, but I think I’ve found someone in the company even whiter than I am.” Kurt talks about his wrestling skills and says he knows both versions. He’s great as an amateur, but sometimes he likes to kick it freestyle. Angle steals Cena’s hat and I think you know what’s coming. Tazz: “Oh no.” Cena laughs it off and says there’s no way he’s losing to a wannabe Kojak. Angle: “Ok I don’t even know what you just said.”

Kurt has Brian Hebner do the beat boxing and the rap talks about moving on up like the Jeffersons. Word. Cena: “THAT WAS FOUL!” The fans are rather pleased with Angle, even as Cena steals his hat back. Kurt hugs him because he majored in huganomics. Are we sure he’s not really Bayley’s dad? Angle and Cena go nose to nose but here’s Big Show to interrupt. The distraction lets Cena jump him from behind and hit an FU, followed by a chokeslam from Big Show. Angle as the goofy dork is always hilarious stuff.

FBI vs. Basham Brothers vs. Billy Kidman/Rey Mysterio vs. APA

#1 contenders match and one fall to a finish. The Bashams and FBI don’t even get entrances. Simmons (no longer Faarooq) and Palumbo start things off with Ron getting two off an early powerslam. Danny comes in and gets double teamed by the APA but Kidman tags himself in for a smart move.

Bradshaw decks Kidman for bothering him so Rey has to springboard in with a seated senton for a save. We actually hear about Mysterio and Kidman being former WCW Tag Team Champions, which isn’t a reign you often hear brought up. The APA and the FBI brawl to the back, making me wonder why this wasn’t an elimination match in the first place. Everything breaks down with the cruiserweights hitting double flip dives.

Back from a break with Danny holding Rey in a chinlock as we see the other teams brawling backstage. Mysterio gets a bulldog on Danny and the hot tag (minus the fans caring) brings in Kidman. In one of the most impressive feats of nonsense Cole has ever pulled off, he says that the Bashams beating this rookie team would be a huge upset.

So a team that won Tag Team Titles years ago are rookies and the Bashams, who are in a #1 contenders match, are so worthless that a win over some rookies would be an upset? I feel like I need a color coordinated chart to make sense of that. Kidman reverses Doug’s powerbomb but Shaniqua breaks up the shooting star press. The second attempt connects, but this time Danny makes a save. Rey tags himself in for the 619 and Drops the Time for the pin, albeit one kind of stolen from Kidman.

Rating: C. Not bad at all here with an ending that plants seeds for a likely Kidman heel turn. The other two teams didn’t really need to be there in the first place but I can understand the idea of not having the Bashams, who are already perennial losers, in a #1 contenders match on their own. That being said, what does it say when your four top contenders for the titles are a team who have never teamed together in this company, losers like the FBI, a team with three matches together and the reunited APA?

Angle is getting iced down when Brock Lesnar comes in. Kurt wants to know where Brock was but Lesnar says he just got here. Bickering ensues.

Here’s the full main event from last week, because this Zach Gowen/Stephanie McMahon combination is sweeping the nation.

It’s time for Gowen’s contract signing, with Stephanie, in a rather small and non-professional black outfit, coming out with said contract over her head like a boxing round card. Stephanie introduces Gowen and puts more energy into it than when Mr. America debuted. Gowen talks about how this is his lifelong dream and he has to thank Stephanie, Angle and Lesnar for their help. Above all else though, he needs to thank the fans for their love and support.

Gowen signs and here are Vince and Sable less than a second later. Vince mockingly praises Gowen before making Lesnar Big Show/Charlie Haas/Shelton Benjamin for later. As for Vengeance, it’s Vince vs. Gowen because this story deserves that kind of attention for whatever reason. Sable knocks Stephanie out with the clipboard (with a shot that wouldn’t have knocked down a five year old) to wrap things up.

Post break Sable and Vince celebrate in the back but Stephanie charges in and spears her over a couch, screeching about how much she hates Sable. Thankfully Vince cuts off that horrible ANGRY Stephanie voice to make Sable vs. Stephanie at Vengeance.

Matt Hardy/Shannon Moore vs. Chris Benoit/Rhyno

Matt, who lost his virginity at 17 and has never had earrings, gets punched in the jaw to start with Rhyno taking over on his own. Shannon gets in a shot to the back though and the villains take over. A Side Effect gets two and Shannon comes in for something like a cobra clutch. Rhyno fights up and hits a hot shot, setting up the hot tag to Benoit. That means German suplexes and a Swan Dive to Shannon but Matt grabs a quick Twist of Fate to cut him off. Rhyno Gores Matt down, leaving Benoit to grab the Crossface and make Shannon tap.

Rating: D+. Just a short match here as we continue the US Title tournament build. I’m still wondering when they’re going to have Benoit and Rhyno split for real as they teased it for a few weeks and then just forgot it. At least Benoit is doing something with the tournament though, which is better than being stuck in a low level tag team.

Angle tells Lesnar he has his back tonight so Lesnar will be ready for Vengeance.

Here’s Eddie Guerrero for a US Title tournament match. Before said match, Eddie wishes Tajiri a very sincere get well soon. Sometimes he loses his temper, which is what happened last week when they lost the titles and his car got banged up. That would be like touching his mamacita, which you just do not do. The fans cheer for Eddie, who says it’s time to look out for himself.

US Title Tournament First Round: Eddie Guerrero vs. Ultimo Dragon

This should be good. Dragon rolls him up to start and snaps off the rapid fire kicks to send Eddie outside. Back in and Eddie’s belly to belly gets two but Dragon kicks him outside, nearly banging the car up again. The car is fine though and Eddie comes back in, only to get hurricanranaed. He’s right back up though as Dragon tries a moonsault press, which is reversed into a small package (with a handful of tights) to give Eddie the pin.

Rating: D+. This needed another….oh I’d say ten minutes or so given the potential they had. I really don’t get the usage of Dragon either as he was brought in as a big deal, had a not great match with Shannon Moore, and then loses to Eddie in a three minute match. I’d hope they haven’t given up on him already but this isn’t a good sign.

Billy Gunn and Torrie Wilson almost get caught in the back by Earl Hebner. Torrie giggles it off in more bad acting.

Billy Gunn/Torrie Wilson vs. Nidia/Jamie Noble

Nidia tries to jump on Billy to start and gets flipped down. It’s off to Torrie for the catfight with Tazz being very interested in Torrie throwing chops. Cole has figured something out: both of these teams are dating. Tazz: “You’re a genius!” Torrie ends Nidia in short order with a DDT.

Post match Jamie offers $10,000 to sleep with him, earning a quick beatdown. Nidia tries for a save and loses her shorts.

Vince wants to see Angle in his office right now, meaning Kurt can’t accompany Brock to the ring.

Vengeance run down. Aside from the McMahons nonsense, it’s actually a good looking show.

Big Show/Shelton Benjamin/Charlie Haas vs. Brock Lesnar

This is also falls count anywhere. Before the match, Haas and Benjamin officially dub themselves the World’s Greatest Tag Team. I’ve heard worse names. We’re joined in progress with Brock throwing Haas and Benjamin around but Charlie breaks up an F5 on the floor. Big Show is nowhere to be seen as Brock takes Charlie inside and drives him into the corner.

Shelton offers a hand with a low bridge, allowing Show to pop back up with a chair shot for two on Lesnar. Things settle down a bit with Show working over Brock’s ribs and dropping a huge leg. Shelton comes in to jump over Charlie and onto Lesnar’s back for two more. We hit a waistlock for a big before Show comes back in for a bearhug.

Lesnar slips out and manages a belly to belly as everything breaks down. Show gets posted, an F5 drops Charlie and Shelton gets a belly to belly on the floor. Brock loads up the announcers’ table but Show saves Shelton from an F5 through said table. Instead it’s a chokeslam through the table to give Show the pin.

Rating: D. WAY longer than it needed to be here with Brock’s hope spots only working so well. The falls count anywhere thing didn’t add much to it either, save for the ending spot, which didn’t really need to be there. Show getting a pin gives him a little momentum heading into the pay per view, assuming they don’t waste it before we get there.

Overall Rating: D+. The problem here is the McMahon story, which isn’t interesting and is dragging the rest of the show down with it. I have no idea why they think Gowen is the be all and end all of interest, but hopefully it’s from a lack of anything else to do there. Mr. America might not have been good but at least he had some charisma. Gowen looks like he’s about fifteen years old, can’t talk and is little more than a novelty act yet he’s suddenly the big focal point of the top story on the show. Maybe the Hogan exit changed things but my goodness this isn’t doing much good.

The main event is more understandable as they’re pretty clearly setting up Lesnar vs. Angle for Summerslam and you don’t want to waste that big of a match at Vengeance. Putting Big Show in there is kind of annoying but in this case I understand why he’s there. He has history with both guys and I’d rather suffer through him again than waste someone young in a match they have no chance of either winning or getting to show off in.

Overall, this feels like the rough period we need to get through before we can move on to something interesting. Eddie turning heel and some of the singles pushes look good, plus Lesnar vs. Angle II should be fun. If they can tone down and scale back a lot of the McMahon drama, this show is a lot better in a hurry. As it is though, there’s only so much you can do with such a big mess in the middle.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: July 7, 2003
Location: Bell Centre, Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Please let Austin be back tonight. Last week was the Eric Bischoff Show with Eric restarting a bunch of matches and turning the show upside down in a bad way. The big story is Kane attacking almost everyone in sight in his latest path of rage. That might be what Austin wants though so let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Kane being all attacky.

Here’s the returning Austin to a heck of a reaction. We even have to pause for a bit as the fans cheer him on even more. Last week he had some food poisoning to go with about six Mexican food TV dinners so it wasn’t the best night. He watched the show last week and saw Eric Bischoff take a chokeslam so tonight, it’s Austin’s show. Let’s get right to it with the first match.

Intercontinental Title: Booker T. vs. Christian

Christian is defending. Before the match, Christian says he’ll just take the countout but Austin says the title can change hands via countout or DQ. Austin throws him inside and we’re ready to go. Booker slugs away to start and hits a big backdrop before raining down some right hands. Christian heads outside though and gets Booker to chase him outside, allowing him to get in a few shots. A hot shot onto the turnbuckle gives Christian two and we hit the chinlock.

Back up and Booker scores with the side kick as this really isn’t lighting the world on fire so far. The ax kick gets the pin….with Booker’s foot on the ropes. Of course we’re restarting the match because Heaven forbid we have a match without some kind of shenanigans. Back from a break with Booker fighting out of a chinlock and getting two off a rollup. Christian slips out of a suplex but walks into the Book End for a rather close two.

Booker takes too long going up though and gets crotched, only to shove Christian down. The missile dropkick gets two but we stop for the Spinarooni. The referee blocks the ax kick for some reason though (unless Christian pushed him into the way, I have no idea what that was) and Christian gets in a low blow for two more. Christian misses a belt shot and the second ax kick gives Booker the title.

Rating: D+. These two just don’t work well together and it’s more and more apparent every time they’re out there together. Booker winning was the only way they could have gone and they did the title change just soon enough that people still cared. Not a good match here but the right call.

Mark Jindrak thanks Austin for an opportunity tonight but something has happened. Post break, Austin finds an injured Tommy Dreamer. Austin has to send the Dudleyz away so medics can work on Tommy.

JR and King talk about the Montreal Screwjob and we look at a clip of the incident. Shawn Michaels will be discussing the moment later tonight on the Highlight Reel.

Here are Theodore Long, Rodney Mack and new recruit Rosey. The man has been getting them razzle dazzled lately and he’s not happy. Last week, Jazz lost the Women’s Title without being eliminated from the battle royal. Christopher Nowinski has a concussion but they’re not going to let that get them down (Nowinski would never wrestle again and has since become an expert on concussions). Tonight though, they’re going to teach Rosey to back the mack by means of thuggin and buggin.

As Teddy talks, we cut back to Dreamer being loaded into the ambulance. Bubba goes off to find out who did it. I don’t see this ending well.

Hurricane vs. Rosey

Hurricane offers a handshake but goes with a cheap shot instead. What a villainous act. Rosey drops him with a hard shot and drops the big leg. The Samoan drop ends Hurricane in short order.

Post match Rosey turns on Long and Mack, only to get beaten down for his efforts. So to recap: Mack got squashed by Goldberg in less than a minute and now we’re supposed to be interested in his feud with Rosey? Oh and Hurricane gets squashed too. If there’s a point to this booking, I’m not seeing it.

Bubba accuses Evolution of attacking Dreamer but Orton has an alibi: he was in the back drinking a protein shake. Austin comes in and gives Bubba a tag match if he can find a partner (the other Dudleyz went to the hospital with Dreamer). Jackie Gayda comes up to say something has happened to Rico.

Post break, a bloody Rico says Kane did it.

Victoria/Steven Richards vs. Gail Kim/Val Venis

Gail gets to take off the towel, immediately making her seem a lot less important than she did last week. To make things worse, Victoria gorilla presses her down but gets caught in a hurricanrana. King: “Looks like Gail Kim likes to ride on top.” The men come in with Venis getting two off a spinebuster. Victoria offers a trip though and Steven grabs a DDT for two. It’s back to Gail for a top rope wristdrag and Richards elbows Victoria by mistake. Everything breaks down and Gail grabs a hurricanrana for the pin.

Rating: D-. And so much for Gail. This match made her look more like a fluke who can do a hurricanrana than anything else. She debuts one week and the next week is getting involved with Val Venis? There’s no way this can end well for her and the match was disappointing to say the least. It’s good that she didn’t get pinned but she’s going to need something more to brag about than just that.

Trish Stratus is warming up when Test comes in to hit on her. She’s on his list of women who might want to hook up with him. Trish isn’t impressed so Test grabs her, which brings in Kevin Nash of all people for the save. A match is made for later.

It’s Highlight Reel time with Jericho being a huge crowd favorite for a change. Tonight, Jericho is here to deal with with someone who committed horrible actions against Canada. We see another clip of the Montreal Screwjob and here’s tonight’s guest: Shawn Michaels. Shawn says he’s apologized to Bret himself but never to the fans in Montreal. He apologizes that the whole incident ever happened but what he’s most sorry about is the fact that the fans have never managed to get on with their lives.

Only Montreal cares about what happened all those years ago (well that and WWE it seems). They’re stuck back in November 1997…and there’s the YOU SCREWED BRET chant. Shawn: “And your point would be what?”. Jericho calls him sanctimonious but Shawn wants the fans to pick something else to dislike about him. Like, you know, beating Jericho at Wrestlemania earlier this year.

Jericho insists that no one is ever going to forgive Shawn, who accuses Jericho of being Mr. Canada. Well you know that gets a face pop. Shawn is ready to go right now but Jericho turns him down because he wants a better payment not based off the Canadian dollar. Instead, he’ll face Shawn in two weeks in Hollywood. Jericho says screw Montreal and we’re out. Seriously, that’s all we get. Jericho makes the fans boo Shawn over Montreal and then gets them to boo himself for the sake of setting up a match where Shawn will be cheered in two weeks. That’s their best use of nearly fifteen minutes?

Austin finds Kane in his office and goes over Kane’s reasons for wanting to quit. He tries to get Kane to be a monster in the ring instead of backstage because that’s where it matters. Austin thinks Kane would be cheered if he goes out there, so it’s either go to the arena or be fired. Kane stands up and leaves, touching the wall with a bloody hand as he goes.

Test vs. Kevin Nash

Nash clotheslines him in the corner to start before getting in some elbows to the jaw. Test gets knocked outside but manages to post the bigger man to take over. Back in and a turnbuckle pad is removed but here’s Trish for a failed distraction. Instead Test kicks Nash in the face for the fast pin. Is feuding with Test the official punishment for a horrible main event? I think I can live with this.

Test shoves Trish down and then into the barricade.

Booker T. is very happy to win the title and leaves with Terri.

Chris Jericho vs. Mark Jindrak

Jindrak has a great look but really bad, generic rock music. Jericho kicks him in the face and then scores with an enziguri as the fans aren’t exactly reacting to Jindrak. The Lionsault hits knees though and Mark comes back with some incredibly basic offense. The fans already think he’s boring so Jericho dropkicks him out to the floor. Back in and Mark escapes the Walls, followed by the jump to the top for a spinning clothesline. He’s certainly athletic. A low blow cuts Jindrak off though and the Walls make him tap.

Rating: D-. Oh goodness no. Jindrak has a great look and is crazy athletic but that’s the extent of his skills. I completely get why he was given this spot but it was a heck of a botched debut with Jindrak looking terrible, to the point where you would think he was fresh out of wrestling school. When Jericho can’t save you, you know it’s a bad night.

This Sunday on Heat: Maven vs……HHH? Well ok then.

Molly Holly vs. Trish Stratus

The winner gets a title shot next week. Trish is very banged up to start and of course Lawler is right there to point out the thong sticking out. Molly easily takes over to start and gets two off a Hennig necksnap. We hit the neck crank for a bit before Molly switches to ripping at Trish’s jaws. Trish comes back with a victory roll for two but Molly cuts her off with a snapmare to stay on the neck. A shoulder breaker into a neck stretch makes Trish tap.

Rating: D+. Molly’s offense made perfect sense and it’s fine to have Molly win over a very banged up Trish but there’s only so much you can do in four minutes with one of the participants barely able to move. Of course Lawler talking about Trish’s underwear made things worse but that goes without saying. Gail beating Molly should help her, though it doesn’t matter if she doesn’t get some better offense.

Kane finally agrees to go to the ring.

Ric Flair/Randy Orton vs. Bubba Ray Dudley/???

The partner is….Rob Van Dam. Rob and Randy start things off with a spinning crossbody getting two on Orton. Flair grabs the boot though and Orton gets in the signature backbreaker. Some Flair stomps set up a great looking dropkick from Randy as this is one sided so far. It’s back to Flair for the Figure Four, which gets next to no reaction. It could be because it goes nowhere other than right back to Orton to stay on the leg. Just a hunch of course.

Rob finally kicks Orton away and brings Bubba in to a limited reaction. A neckbreaker drops Randy and Flair gets slammed off the top for two. Rob comes back in with the kick to the chest as everything breaks down. Orton tries to break up the Five Star but Spike Dudley comes in to break it up, allowing Rob to splash Flair for the pin.

Rating: D. I know a crowd can carry a match to a much higher level but egads the crowd is killing anything this show has going on tonight. They do not care about what’s going on out there, though in this case it’s not like it means much. Orton can’t even get a pin over Bubba Ray Dudley? And this guy is supposed to be your big bright star of the future? Put him over someone important then.

Here’s Austin to call out Kane, still with a towel around his head. The fans kind of cheer with JR acting like it’s Foley winning the title. Austin talks about Kane getting cheered but they care about what happens when Kane is throwing people around. We see a clip of Kane chokeslamming Eric Bischoff last week, which Austin describes as funny. That’s too much for Kane, who thinks Austin is calling him funny. Kane unloads on Austin until some right hands make the comeback. Austin gets in a chair shot and a Stunner but the bloody Kane sits up. A chokeslam to Austin ends the show.

Overall Rating: F. No HHH, no Goldberg, Kane turns heel (for what feels like the second time in a few weeks), the big segment is reminiscing about the Montreal Screwjob and the best match is a nothing to see Booker T. title change (which the crowd did care for). This felt like a big punt instead of any kind of effort and it was very clear that they don’t know how to handle this lack of a pay per view. It wasn’t even the worst show in the world but rather just really boring and that’s worse in this case.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: July 3, 2003
Location: Blue Cross Arena, Rochester, New York
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

Believe it or not, tonight is going to be focused on Stephanie McMahon, who is still trying to save Zach Gowen from her dad or whatever it is this time. Therefore, tonight it’s Gowen/Stephanie against Big Show for Gowen’s contract because that’s what this show is looking for. Let’s get to it.

We open with a long recap of Vince vs. Gowen, including Vince trying to make Gowen join his club last week. Last week’s six man main event is included, which set up tonight’s handicap match.

Vince, in a creepy closeup, says he’s ready to close the fate of Mr. America. After that, he’ll see Stephanie and Gowen crushed in the first ever true handicap match.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Nunzio

Nunzio is challenging and Billy Kidman is in the crowd again. I know facing Undertaker is supposed to be a rub but is getting squashed by him for weeks really worth a title shot? The other Italians are sent to the back to start. Are you sure that getting rid of those two bumbling nitwits doesn’t make this harder for Rey? The champ spins out of a wristlock to start and sends Nunzio outside for a big flip dive.

Back in and Nunzio dropkicks him out of the air for two, setting up a double arm crank. A chinlock keeps Rey in trouble until a headscissors gives him a breather. The springboard seated senton gets two and a hurricanrana takes both of them out to the floor in a crash. Cue the Italians to take Mysterio out but Nunzio can only get two. The APA comes out to dispatch Stamboli and Palumbo, leaving Rey to hit the 619 and Drop the Dime to retain.

Rating: C+. They were starting to roll here until the interference, but at least Rey still won clean. I’m still trying to figure out what the point is in having the FBI around and getting this kind of a push, though at least they’re not winning anything. Mysterio needs a good challenger and it seems that they’re already preparing for that issue. Good little match here.

Kidman comes in and congratulates Mysterio.

Brock Lesnar and Kurt Angle (with milk) are sitting in catering and get in a friendly argument over who a woman meant when she said “hi champ”. Angle says he’ll get the title back at Vengeance so Brock tells him to drink his milk. Kurt flirts with the woman until Brock slaps him on the back, causing him to spit milk on her. Comedy ensues.

Basham Brothers vs. Rhyno/Chris Benoit

Before the match, Shaniqua gives the Brothers a quick whipping with the riding crop. It’s a brawl to start with the Bashams actually taking over early on. Danny hammers on Rhyno and scores with an enziguri. Some hard crossface shots set up a cravate but it’s already time for heel miscommunication. The hot tag brings Benoit in but Danny breaks up the rolling German suplexes. The release version works a bit better though, setting up the Swan Dive for a delayed two. It’s a Gore to Doug and the Crossface makes Danny tap.

Rating: D+. So the tag division is just a step above dead in the water with two teams, let’s have a potentially good team job most of the time while making them look stupid with the whole spanking things. Shaniqua doesn’t need to be there but she was on Tough Enough so they have to get something out of her right? Also didn’t Benoit and Rhyno break up twice already?

Shaniqua looks at Benoit post match. Run away Chris.

Vince is in his office and using pencils to play his desk like a drum. That’s one of the oddest visuals I’ve seen in a long time. Stephanie comes in and says she’s a woman and shouldn’t be put into this situation. Vince says spare the rod and spoil the child, but Stephanie says she’s not a child in a voice that makes her sound about three years old. He doesn’t care and she cowers away. How long is this stupid story going to go on?

Post break Sable annoys Stephanie and says she’ll take care of things if Stephanie is put on the shelf.

Jamie Noble and Nidia, fresh off getting $827 thousand, have a limo, sunglasses and a fur coat. Noble tips the driver and then takes the money back.

Undertaker critiques Orlando Jordan’s boxing and explains paying dues. Jordan needs to challenge people like John Cena if he wants to earn respect. Cena comes up to ask where Undertaker has been since he gave Cena respect last year. He calls himself a veteran now and tells Undertaker to stay out of his business. You can guess Undertaker’s reaction.

US Title Tournament First Round: Billy Gunn vs. John Cena

Side note: we’re about forty five minutes into this show. So far we’ve had a recap of Vince lowering his pants last week, Shaniqua spanking the Bashams, Jamie spanking Nidia when she got the coat out of the limo and you know Gunn’s theme song. Why is that their best available theme? Cena makes gay jokes and demands respect. Gunn gives chase to start and stomps away in the corner as Cole tries to make us care about Billy again. Cena bails to the floor as the fans are cheering him for one of the first times ever.

A whip into the post has Billy in trouble and it’s time for the chinlock. Cena kicks him down for two as Cole tries to connect this US Title’s lineage to the one from the mid 1970s. I know that’s the case but it’s also quite the stretch. Billy finally escapes with a powerslam but walks into the Throwback (named for the first time here). That’s only good for two so it’s time to grab the chain. Cue Undertaker on the motorcycle for a distraction though, allowing Billy to get a small package for the pin.

Rating: D. Undertaker vs. Cena should be entertaining but this Gunn stuff is getting more and more annoying every single week. He’s the same guy with the same song that hasn’t worked in a very long time but now we’re supposed to buy him as a serious act. Oh and that Torrie has a thing for him. It does show you what being tall can get for you in a career.

Lesnar and Angle continue to act like frat boys and decide to have a pushup contest. Brock does 301 first (with a commercial in between) as I’m more curious about who can be seen just off camera watching this whole thing. With Lesnar finished, Angle declares him the winner and walks off. Eh funny ending, but who looks at Lesnar and Angle and thinks they need to do a buddy comedy?

Tag Team Titles: Shelton Benjamin/Charlie Haas vs. Eddie Guerrero/Tajiri

Eddie and Tajiri are defending. Tajiri headlocks Haas down to start before switching over to a hammerlock. Eddie takes over on Benjamin’s arm as they’re certainly moving to start. An armdrag/headscissors combination takes both challengers down and the Eddie chants begin. As they should to be fair. Haas gets in a backbreaker for a breather as Tazz keeps ripping on Cole for calling this fun.

Eddie suplexes his way to freedom in short order and it’s back to Tajiri for the rapid fire kicks. A hurricanrana is broken up so Haas muscles Tajiri up, allowing Shelton to springboard in for a clothesline/powerbomb combination. Sweet move there but ti’s only good for two more.

Back from a break with Tajiri caught in an abdominal stretch with the challengers doing the switch when the referee wasn’t looking. The referee ACTUALLY NOTICES and brings Benjamin back in….to take Tajiri down again. Well that felt like a waste of a spot. Haas hammers away on Tajiri, followed by Shelton jumping over Charlie onto Tajiri’s back. Tajiri slips out of what looked to be a powerbomb and kicks Shelton in the back of the head (loud one too).

That’s enough for the hot tag to Eddie and the rolling suplexes have Haas in trouble. The frog splash is broken up but Tajiri takes Shelton down with the handspring elbow. Eddie gets sent outside so Tajiri starts in with more kicks, followed by the Tarantula to Haas. Shelton avoids a frog splash though and Tajiri gets kicked off the apron, onto the hood of the low rider. Back in and the atomic drop with a superkick to Eddie’s chest gives Charlie the pin and the titles.

Rating: B. These four have some solid chemistry together and it’s nice to see Charlie and Shelton get the belts back. They were a really strong team when they got the belts and while the feud with Eddie and Chavo/Tajiri did them a lot of good, they probably should have held the belts throughout. Eddie didn’t seem happy with Tajiri for being knocked onto the car and there’s a good chance they’re going to have an issue because of it.

Gowen is stretching in the back when Big Show comes in to step on the leg. Tonight, he’s going after Gowen’s legs. It didn’t work for the Executioner at Wrestlemania I and I doubt it works for Big Show tonight.

Back from a break with Tajiri still on the hood and Eddie looking dejected. Eddie goes over to check on him….but he really just wants to check on the car.

Video on Mr. America. Stephanie saying she signed him sight unseen triggers my memories of how ridiculous so much of this story was and it’s even worse when I realize that Vince vs. Stephanie is continuing.

Eddie is STILL looking at the car and Tajiri is still down behind him. It’s finally too much for Eddie and he snaps, sending Tajiri into the hood (which won’t help the paint) and then dropping him through the windshield for a great looking crash.

Orlando Jordan vs. A-Train

Jordan’s dropkick has no effect and A-Train launches him into the corner for a beating. A splash to the back has Jordan in even more trouble and it’s off to the reverse full nelson (kind of like a Gory Special but pulling on the arms instead of the face). An enziguri knocks A-Train into the corner but the Derailer gets two. Jordan’s high crossbody only hits mat and the Train Wreck gives A-Train the pin.

Rating: D. I know what they’re going for with Jordan but there’s only so much you can get out of someone so average. History hasn’t exactly been kind to Jordan but then you watch a match like this and you understand why. There’s nothing special about him, be it his look, his work or his personality. Just having him out there as a guy in trunks isn’t going to do him any good and kicking out of the Derailer isn’t enough to change that.

Show tries to intimidate Stephanie and even twirls her hair around. There are, ahem, other ways he’d like to hurt her. Show walks away and runs into Vince and Sable, the former of whom has an announcement regarding Mr. America.

Wrestlemania Recall: Jake Roberts vs. Honky Tonk Man from Wrestlemania III. Was Alice Cooper being around that big of a deal? The post match stuff with Alice throwing the snake onto Jimmy Hart was good but it’s not that good.

Here are Vince and Sable for the announcement. Vince recaps the Mr. America story and knows that it was Hulk Hogan under the mask. If Vince could prove that, Hogan was gone for good. That brings us to last week’s Smackdown where Vince thought something might be up.

Vince told the cameramen to keep recording, which captured Mr. America lifting his mask to reveal Hogan and telling everyone to keep it quiet. Therefore, Hogan is FIRED (he had quit earlier in the week due to creative differences, which likely means he wanted the title and wasn’t getting it) and gone for good. Or at least the better part of two years. It’s kind of a lame ending but at least they wrapped it up with a storyline explanation.

As for tonight, Zach Gowen is in a handicap match against Big Show. That’s not good enough though, because it’s going to be no holds barred. As a bonus for Big Show, he’s being added to the Smackdown World Title match at Vengeance to make it a triple threat. I’m so thrilled by all of this.

Stephanie McMahon/Zach Gowen vs. Big Show

Anything goes. Why do I have a feeling this was due to Stephanie thinking she needed to show off how good shape she was in? Gowen’s early offense has as much effect as you would expect and Show shoves him outside. Stephanie jumps on Show’s back and let’s hear that screeching! Show flips her down and grabs Gowen’s (detached) prosthetic leg. A dropkick doesn’t hurt Show, who catches a diving Gowen and throws him back inside.

Stephanie gets thrown inside as well but for some reason Vince won’t let Show chokeslam her. Gowen comes in for the save and takes the chokeslam instead. Stephanie gets in her big moment with the slap to Vince but Angle comes out to save her from another chokeslam. A Vince chair shot breaks up the ankle lock so here’s Lesnar for a save of his own. The Angle Slam and an F5 set up Gowen’s moonsault for the pin and the contract.

Rating: D-. Lesnar’s F5 looked good and that’s about it for this one. The match was a glorified segment of course and while it advances the story, that doesn’t make it any more interesting. This Stephanie standing up to her father and using Gowen to fight the battle for him isn’t good and other than the McMahons, I’m not sure who thinks it’s the best way to go. Throwing Big Show into the World Title match takes away a lot of the interest I had in seeing Lesnar vs. Angle II, but it’s time for Big Show’s annual push, whether we like it or not.

Overall Rating: D. There were good parts to this show but the big story is so dull and lifeless that it’s dragging things down. The story is far from the worst thing they’ve ever done (it’s not even the worst thing Stephanie has done this year) but it’s a bunch of people I don’t care about doing a bunch of stuff that has been done in a better version before. Gowen is a case where once you see his stuff once, the interest goes away in a hurry. Now he’s involved in the top story on the show, which is likely going to go on for months because that’s how the McMahons work.

There’s still good stuff on the show though, such as Cena vs. Undertaker (which has potential), Eddie’s heel turn after a really good match, the former Team Angle back on top of the division and Rey as Cruiserweight Champion. As usual though, the problem comes down to the McMahons dominating the show with their stupid issues and Stephanie’s bad acting. Just don’t let her talk or interact with Vince and this show gets a lot better in a hurry.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: June 30, 2003
Location: HSBC Arena, Buffalo, New York
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re closing out the first half of the year with the big story of Kane losing his mask. After the better part of six years with no one knowing what he looked like, Kane lost his mask last week in a match given one whole week of build up. You know, on the show that has needed back to back Kevin Nash pay per view main events. Let’s get to it.

We open with a long recap of the end of last week’s show, including Kane laying out Rob Van Dam with a chokeslam.

Opening sequence.

Chris Jericho is in the ring for the Highlight Reel. While everyone has been talking about Kane, let’s have a beauty instead of a beast. Therefore, his guest tonight is Stacy Keibler, who comes out with Scott Steiner, much to Jericho’s chagrin. Before we get going, Steiner removes her garter. Jericho asks Steiner to leave and I’ll let you figure out how that goes.

We move on to Stacy’s photo shoot for Stuff Magazine and Lawler rather likes the pictures. Jericho hits on Stacy and calls himself legendary. Stacy makes references to Jericho being, ahem, legendarily small.  That’s enough for Jericho to bring out Test as his second guest so the beatdown can ensue. Eric Bischoff comes out to call it off and say that he’s in charge tonight because Steve Austin isn’t here. As for the people in the ring, it’s Steiner/Stacy vs. Test/Jericho.

Here’s Lance Storm to say that he is NOT boring, and he has the dictionary definition to prove it. This doesn’t go far as some music cuts him off.

Goldberg vs. Lance Storm

And no match as Rodney Mack jumps Goldberg from behind. Not that it matters as a spear cuts Mack in half and the Jackhammer (Jackknife as JR says) has Teddy Long hopping mad.

Bischoff is in the back with Kane, who has a towel over his head. Eric wants Kane to address the people in the name of ratings. Kane shakes his head no so Bischoff offers him a World Title shot tonight. That’s still no so Bischoff gives RVD the title shot instead. If Kane doesn’t go out into the arena though, he’s fired.

Women’s Title: Battle Royal

Trish Stratus, Victoria, Jazz, Ivory, Molly Holly, Jacqueline, Gail Kim

Jazz is defending and this is Gail’s debut. It’s a brawl to start with Gail hitting a decent looking hurricanrana on Molly. Ivory is catapulted out, making the last few weeks of her defeating Jazz over and over pretty much a waste of time. Jazz gets hurt somewhere in there and is taken out by the trainers (she would be out until December with a shoulder injury, which may be why it’s this instead of a regular match).

Molly and Jacqueline are out too and we’re down to Gail, Trish and Victoria in less than two minutes. The Stratusphere is broken up and Trish is knocked out, leaving Gail to armdrag Victoria. A powerbomb attempt is countered into a hurricanrana to put Victoria out and make Gail champion.

Rating: D-. I’m guessing that was due to Jazz’s shoulder injury and if so, that’s fine. Gail winning the title was a nice little surprise, though it’s not like it matters much anyway. The division isn’t going to get better without something resembling a story and this isn’t exactly thrilling. Somehow this is the only title Gail would win in WWE. You would have expected her to win another just by the amount of time she was around but somehow it never happened.

Intercontinental Title: Booker T. vs. Christian

Christian is defending and jumps Booker in the aisle before the bell. They head into the crowd with Booker beating Christian around as referees can’t break it up. We’re joined in progress after a break with Booker slugging away and getting two off a backdrop. Christian snaps the back of Booker’s neck across the ropes though and we hit the chinlock.

The second version keeps Booker down again as JR and King talk about how Test can do ANYTHING he wants to Stacy tonight because it’s a wrestling match. You know, because there are no rules to a wrestling match at all. Back up and Booker misses the side kick into the ropes, setting up a backbreaker for two. Christian dives into a side kick though and both guys are down with Christian’s stunned face being a nice bonus. Another kick to the face gets two but the Book End is broken up.

The ax kick is countered into a rollup with trunks for two but Booker plants him with a flapjack. But first, a Spinarooni. Booker gets crotched on top so Christian superplexes him down, right into the small package to give Booker the pin and the title. I’m not even going to bother going to the rating as Bischoff comes out to say all four shoulders were down. Therefore it’s a draw and Christian retains the title.

Rating: C. This is another good example of a feud where they don’t know how to just get it over with already and it’s making for a bad story. Booker vs. Christian is fine for a once off but this is several weeks now with nothing being all that great in the first place. Get to something else already or just give Booker the title.

RVD goes to try and talk some sanity into Kane but Kane says he hates the fans. Rob hopes Kane doesn’t hate him when he wins the title. He leaves, and Kane says he does hate him.

Stacy Keibler/Scott Steiner vs. Chris Jericho/Test

Steiner and Jericho get things going (you want to save the Test vs. Steiner money match for later) with Chris being shoved down like he’s nothing. A belly to belly powerslam plants Jericho and Steiner starts in with the swearing. It’s off to Test, who JR thinks has no testicular fortitude. A suplex tosses Test but he’s right back with a clothesline to put Steiner on the floor.

The slow double teaming begins until Jericho misses a charge and crotches himself on the ropes. There’s no one for Steiner to tag though so Test decks him again and stops for some jumping jacks. Test crotches himself though and Stacy bounces the ropes up and down for some bad measure. Jericho comes in and shoves the referee down….but here’s Bischoff to say restart it as a No DQ match. A chair to the head puts Steiner down and Test forces Stacy to tag Steiner. That means a pumphandle powerslam to give Test the easy pin a few seconds later.

Rating: F. Do you get the idea yet? I didn’t know if the last few weeks had explained the concept so far but WWE seems rather fine with hammering it into your head over and over. JR is getting insufferable with his SOMEONE HELP THE HELPLESS WOMAN stuff too and I continue to question why what could be a good story is being wasted on Test and Scott Steiner. This just kept going and it never approached entertaining.

Rico vs. Maven

Rico grabs a quick pinch of the trunks to start and Lawler wants to know if Maven liked it. A cartwheel earns a nose rub from Miss Jackie but Rico needs to stop and pull his room key out of his tights. With Rico taking forever to bend over and get the key, Maven tries a sunset flip, earning himself a sit on the face. Rico kisses his way out of a headlock as the beating you over the head motif continues.

In case that’s not enough, we stop for some dancing with the referee. Maven finally blocks a middle rope ax handle and hits some clotheslines as JR tries to say the fans are stunned into silence. The middle rope bulldog gets two with Jackie putting the boot on the ropes. That and a shove off the top sets up the spinning kick to end Maven.

Rating: F-. Let me guess: Vince found this hilarious and the shots of Jackie split pants were enough to validate the character. This was HORRIBLE with every low level gay joke you can imagine in one match. It comes off as a case of “well, he did something similar once so let’s turn it way up this time”. It’s a total waste of Rico and that’s quite the shame.

Randy Orton vs. Tommy Dreamer

This is fallout from Orton beating up Mick Foley last week. Dreamer wastes no time in taking him to the floor for a fight, only to have Orton whip him into the steps. Back in and Orton gets two off a hard whip into the corner. Well he’s no Whipper Billy Watson. The always great dropkick gets two more but Dreamer grabs a Sky High of all things for the same. There’s the DDT but Flair puts the foot underneath the ropes. The tease of Flair vs. Dreamer (which sounds oddly fascinating) is enough for the RKO (I believe debuting the name) and the pin on Tommy.

Rating: D. They’re clearly trying to do something with Orton and that’s the right idea. He’s everything you could want out of a prospect and the good finisher makes things even better. It’s easy to see why he became the star he would become but he’s still needing the big win to get him over the hill.

Bischoff tells Van Dam that if Kane doesn’t come out, it’s on Rob’s head.

Post break, Bischoff sends Terri to get Kane’s thoughts. She doesn’t want to so Bischoff threatens another firing.

La Resistance vs. Hurricane/Spike Dudley

Non-title. Is Spike really an upgrade over fat Sgt. Slaughter? Hurricane starts with Dupree and let’s hit that French dance! Some armdrags have Rene in trouble and Hurricane does a little dance of his own. It’s off to Spike and we hit that BORING chant. A backdrop over the top to the floor calms them down but only gets two with JR being impressed by the kickout. Spike gets in a bulldog and the hot tag brings in Hurricane to no reaction. Everything breaks down and Spike hits a top rope double stomp for two. Grenier breaks up the chokeslam though and it’s the double spinebuster to end Spike.

Rating: D-. Can you blame the fans for not caring? The French guys aren’t exactly thrilling in the first place and it’s pretty hard to care if you see Spike Dudley coming out for a match like this. It wasn’t even any good as they had all of four minutes out there, which was hardly worth the time. You know, aside from filling out the show of course.

Terri can’t find Kane.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Rob Van Dam

HHH is defending and decks Van Dam before the bell. Some more right hands have Rob in trouble early on as HHH seems to be feeling the slow pace tonight. A monkey flip and some kicks to the head have JR way too excited. Really man we’re not even five minutes into this. Calm down already. Rob gets two off a dropkick and it’s time to head outside. There’s a baseball slide followed by a middle rope moonsault to put both guys down. Cue Flair as we take a break.

Back with Rob stomping away and kicking him in the head for good measure. A chop block lets HHH start in on the knee though with Flair wrapping it around the post for good measure. We hit the standard package of knee work, including HHH bringing back the Indian deathlock. You know, for reasons. Rob grabs the rope so we’ll try the Figure Four instead as HHH flashes all the way to 1984.

The hold is turned over and there’s just no reaction from the fans. Rob fights up with more kicks and a springboard crossbody gets two. A spinning kick hits HHH’s hands for two and there’s the split legged moonsault but Flair breaks it up again. The Five Star connects but this time Flair comes in with a belt shot for…..not the ending as Bischoff comes out AGAIN and restarts it as a No DQ match.

A quick Van Daminator on the floor has HHH down and Bischoff makes it hardcore for fun. Rob’s standing moonsault on the floor gets two until Orton comes in for the save (with the referee looking for him after every count). Van Dam chases HHH to the stage and gets two off Rolling Thunder. Flair comes back though and it’s a belt shot into a DDT on the stage to retain the title.

Rating: D. You know, for someone who prides himself on being a student of the game and all that jazz, HHH really doesn’t know much more than one way to get through a match. This was your usual twenty minutes of interference and HHH doing boring leg work that doesn’t get anyone’s attention until the obvious finish. At least they didn’t go with what I would have thought was the obvious Kane interference ending.

Post match Kane comes out, teases going after Van Dam, and chokeslams Bischoff off the stage to end the show.

Overall Rating: D–. This was a rough one as Austin really does do some positive things for the show. The biggest issue here is the middle section with the lame mixed tag and the really, really bad Rico match. That stuff isn’t funny and isn’t going to get anyone over so we’re stuck with seeing it over and over again. It’s not the worst show in the world as it was mainly a wrestling edition instead of a long talking segment but the bad stuff was absolutely awful.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: June 26, 2003
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Commentators: Tazz, Michael Cole

We’re back in the World’s Most Famous Arena with the blue show, including a likely six man tag after the end of last week’s show. Odds are we’re looking at Brock Lesnar/Kurt Angle/Mr. America vs. Big Show/Shelton Benjamin/Charlie Haas, which offers some interesting combinations. Of course it also offers Mr. America wrestling and that might not be the best thing in the world. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week’s Zack Gowan/Sable/Vince McMahon/Stephanie McMahon issues, including Sable humiliating Gowan to Vince’s amusement and Stephanie going on a rant about how her father treated her like garbage. In other words, it’s still all about Vince and Stephanie.

Opening sequence.

Here’s John Cena to brag about how awesome his rookie year has been. Eh it’s been good, but when you’re in the same class as Brock Lesnar, it’s not much to brag about. However, none of it would have started without answering an open challenge. Let’s have another open challenge right now.

John Cena vs. Orlando Jordan

Josh Matthews is ring announcer for some reason. Cena laughs this off and insults New York but Jordan takes him down to start fast. A belly to belly suplex gives Jordan two but Cena plants him with a release spinebuster. The FU is countered with Jordan landing on his feet and coming back with a dropkick. Jordan goes up for a high crossbody but Cena rolls through and grabs the trunks for the pin.

Undertaker comes out and chases Cena off before giving Jordan the respect pat on the ribs. I’m not sure this one is going to work as well.

Undertaker/APA vs. FBI

And you know Undertaker needs help with this one. Palumbo headlocks Undertaker to start but it’s already off to the arm cranking. A kick to the face just annoys Undertaker and there’s Old School. The Italians take over in the corner with Nunzio dropkicking him in the face but easily allowing the hot tag off to Faarooq.

Palumbo gets in a cheap shot and it’s Faarooq giving the FBI their false hope for a bit. We hit a reverse chinlock until Palumbo crotches himself on Faarooq’s knee. The hot tag (minus the fans reacting) brings in Bradshaw to clean house. Everything breaks down and it’s a chokeslam for Palumbo, followed by the Clothesline From Bradshaw for the pin on Stamboli.

Rating: D. I’m not even sure what to say here. Undertaker regularly beat up all three Italians and now we’re supposed to be impressed or interested when two other big brawlers beat them up too? The match was a glorified squash with the minute or so of Faarooq being in trouble not exactly making this thrilling. Can we please find something else for Undertaker to do now?

Jamie Noble and Nidia annoy some fans on the streets of New York when an attorney comes up. Apparently Jamie’s aunt died and left him $827,000. I’ll ignore the questions about how the attorney knew they were there or why he did such official business on the streets, or at least in a parking lot. Nidia tries to take the attorney’s pants off but they decide to go to a fancy dinner at Applebee’s instead.

Wrestlemania Recall: the first edition.

Sable tries to make up for last week to Vince but he turns her down. He has something to do tonight.

US Title Tournament First Round: Matt Hardy vs. Rikishi

No one with Matt, who has better abs than Rikishi, this week. Matt is also officially out of the cruiserweight division so the experiment is over. Rikishi shoves him over to start and Matt already has to bail from the threat of a Stink Face. A posting lets Matt crank on both of Rikishi’s arms, which is about the extent of the offense.

Rikishi plants him with a belly to belly suplex and the Rikishi Driver knocks Matt silly. It doesn’t knock him out for three though, which is a rather questionable kickout when Hardy’s head bounced off the mat. The Rump Shaker hits raised knees though and the Twist of Fate gets two. Matt takes off a turnbuckle, avoids a charge into said buckle, and hits a second Twist for the pin.

Rating: D+. That Rikishi Driver looked great (as it did most of the time) but they really could have just ended it after the first Twist of Fate. The tournament isn’t exactly setting the world on fire yet but it might get better with some brackets or at least a list of names in the thing. You know, assuming they know who is in the thing at the moment.

Billy Kidman, still out of action with an injury, is in the front row but wants to be back in the ring.

Tag Team Titles: Roddy Piper/Sean O’Haire vs. Eddie Guerrero/Tajiri

Eddie and Tajiri are defending as we need to wedge an MSG legend onto the card. O’Haire jumps Eddie at the bell but gets taken down for a quick slingshot hilo. It’s off to Tajiri for the handspring elbow and a superkick for two. Piper has to break up a Tarantula and then comes in legally to a nice nostalgia reaction. After a few stomps and some slaps to Eddie, it’s already back to O’Haire for a chinlock. A powerslam is countered with a reverse DDT and Tajiri brings Eddie back in. Everything breaks down and Piper gets misted, setting up the frog splash to retain the titles.

Rating: D. As usual, Eddie and Tajiri looked fine, albeit at the expense of someone who should be winning the US Title tournament. This push for O’Haire hasn’t gotten him anywhere and, again, it’s almost all about Piper. There’s no benefit to the two of them being associated and O’Haire is floundering more and more by the day. Of course none of that matters as this was it for Piper in the company due to some comments he made in an interview with HBO. Really, it’s not much of a loss for WWE as Piper was barely worth keeping around at this point, save for the occasional good line in Piper’s Pit.

We see the end of last week’s show, which set up tonight’s six man tag.

Here’s Vince to call out Stephanie and Gowan. Vince sucks up to Stephanie, calling her the apple of her father’s eye. She grew up in a hurry and when she was seventeen, he did have her, ahem, close some business deals for him. Those actions stole her innocence and it was as if Vince personally deflowered her (I know it’s never flat out stated, but it’s pretty clear what he’s talking about and that’s rather disturbing). He’ll never forgive himself and that brings him to Gowan.

See, Vince wants to be like Zack, because it’s the one thing he can’t be. Therefore he wants an apology from Gowan, who says no. Gowan goes into a good rant about how he wants to be a wrestler and Vince is spitting on his dreams. All Gowan wants is a contract and Vince calmly gives him one. Well, with one condition: he has to join Vince’s special club. Vince takes his pants down but gets hit low instead. At least they kept it shorter here and stayed closer to the point, albeit with Vince losing his pants.

Ultimo Dragon vs. Shannon Moore

This is Dragon’s debut and Rey Mysterio is on commentary. Dragon spins out of a headscissors and a wristlock to start before kicking Moore away without much effort. Shannon gets sent outside so Dragon moonsaults back into the middle of the ring. Back in and Moore gets two off an elbow to the jaw before grabbing a chinlock.

Dragon fights up and hits a sloppy inverted hurricanrana/release victory roll (started in an electric chair and rolled forward). Shannon is sent outside again for an Asai moonsault and the New York fans are rather appreciative. A super jawbreaker sets up a standing backflip into a reverse DDT (basically a Salida Del Sol) to give Dragon the pin.

Rating: C-. This was way more competitive than it needed to be, especially with someone who has been hyped up as strongly as Dragon. I was never the biggest fan of his but he had a good finisher and a great looking moonsault, which is often all you need. If nothing else the division needs some fresh blood and a top challenger for Mysterio.

Rey and Dragon shake hands post match.

Kurt Angle/Brock Lesnar/Mr. America vs. Charlie Haas/Shelton Benjamin/Big Show

The USA chants start up (Tazz: “I don’t get this. Everybody in the ring is an American.”) until Angle and Haas start things off. The chants shift to Angle as he takes Charlie down for a far too early chinlock. Haas drags him into the corner though and it’s a good looking double dropkick to put Angle down. A crossbody gets Angle out of trouble as the fans want Hogan.

They’ll have to settle for Mr. America though for a clothesline, only to have Brock come in for some REAL clotheslines. Brock gorilla presses Haas as Tazz tries to get Manster over as a nickname. It’s back to America for a belly to back suplex and we take a break. Back with Lesnar cleaning house again and staring Big Show (who hasn’t done anything yet) down.

Benjamin breaks up an F5 on Haas and it’s the leapfrog over Haas and onto Lesnar’s back. Now Show will come in and Brock can’t slam him. Lesnar can however belly to back suplex him because physics are weird in wrestling. The hot tag brings in Angle to clean house with the release German suplexes (that’s very un-American of him). Show has to break up the ankle lock on Haas and it’s double teaming time again.

That lasts all of five seconds as Kurt gets in another suplex and brings America back in. Some right hands have Show rocked and Lesnar and Angle pull him outside. An F5/Angle Slam take out Haas and Benjamin, only to have Show come back in for a double chokeslam. That leaves America to take care of Show but here’s Vince carrying Gowan. The distraction lets Show chokeslam America for the pin.

Rating: C+. Not bad here, mainly because they mostly focused on Haas/Benjamin vs. Angle/Lesnar. America and Big Show could have a passable five minute match but they’re much better off saving them for short bursts like this. They still need to find someone else for Lesnar to face besides Big Show though as it’s getting repetitive. The other stuff was good though and that’s what matters most. I’m sure Mr. America will find something fresh to do soon enough.

Vince makes Gowan/Stephanie vs. Big Show for Gowan’s contract next week.

Overall Rating: C-. The first forty minutes or so were pretty dreadful but it picked up strongly enough in the second half to make it watchable. They’re getting to a point with the main story but the rest of the card is kind of all over the place. We still have no idea who is in the tournament and O’Haire/Piper are the best they have for challengers to the Tag Team Titles. It’s certainly better than Raw though and while that’s not much of a bar to clear, it’s better than nothing.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: June 23, 2003
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 14,451
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re in the World’s Most Famous Arena for one of the weaker stretches in WWE history. However, there’s a heck of a main event tonight as HHH defends the World Title against Kane in a champion vs. mask match. That’s an area that we’ve touched on over the years with Kane but the idea of HHH actually losing the title doesn’t seem likely anytime soon. Something’s got to give so let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Scott Steiner/Booker T. vs. Test/Christian

Two feuds in one is often a good way to go. Christian takes Booker into the corner for some right hands before the much taller Canadian gets to do the same. Test mocks Steiner’s pushups and the delay allows Booker to hit the spinning kick to the face. The hot tag brings in Steiner to toss people around, including sending Christian out to the floor. Test grabs Stacy though, earning himself a slap. He shoves Steiner into her though and, since WWE Divas have the weakest ankles ever, Stacy twists her ankle. Booker and Christian take each other out, allowing Test to boot Steiner in the face for the pin.

Rating: D. This Test vs. Steiner feud is getting worse and worse every single week. Test beating up Mae Young last week helped him a little, though his complete lack of talking skills and charisma hold him back a lot. Booker and Christian were glorified window dressing here, which shouldn’t be the case for the Intercontinental Title feud.

Kane looks around stoically as we look at his debut in 1997.

Teddy Long and Christopher Nowinski come out to talk about how unfairly Chris has been treated. He’s been discriminated against due to his intelligence, which is the only reason he didn’t win Tough Enough. It’s thuggin and buggin time.

Maven vs. Christopher Nowinski

Maven reverses a suplex into a rollup and wins in thirty seconds with a rollup.

Evolution arrived earlier.

It’s time for the Highlight Reel with Chris Jericho ripping on the New York fans. He wants to talk about Steve Austin interrupting Lance Storm’s match last week to call him boring. Storm is the guest tonight and he has a prepared statement. No one enjoys a good laugh more than he does but Austin crossed a line last week. His in-ring abilities should be more than enough to entertain people and if you want bells and whistles, go to the circus. Therefore, please stop chanting BORING.

At the end of the statement though, here are some movers to take away the set. Austin comes up on screen to say they’re boring Madison Square Garden to death. Instead of reading prepared statements and Jericho annoying him in general, let’s have a tag team match right now.

Chris Jericho/Lance Storm vs. Dudley Boyz

The Canadians jump them during the entrances until the Dudleys run Storm over and toss him outside. We settle down to Bubba hammering away until Jericho trips him from the floor. The running crotch attack to the back connects and a belly to back suplex makes it even worse. Storm’s boring leg lariat sets up a chinlock before it’s back to Jericho for a quickly broken Walls.

It’s another chinlock and there go those chants again. Storm switches to a sleeper and Lawler can’t help but make boring jokes. Bubba gets out with a suplex and makes the hot tag to D-Von. Everything breaks down with a neckbreaker to both Canadians. Jericho gets flapjacked and What’s Up hits Storm but the table request takes too long. It’s Storm coming back in with the springboard clothesline for two on D-Von, only to have the 3D put Storm away in short order.

Rating: B-. They were moving out there, but the boring stuff got annoying in a hurry. I kind of get what they’re going for there but at the same time it’s hardly the most logical move in the world to get someone over. Also, Storm is now a combination of boring and a loser. Maybe it’s a long term project but my goodness it’s taking a questionable road to get there.

We look back at Evolution stealing Kane’s mask five months ago.

Randy Orton and Ric Flair mock Mick Foley’s Tietam Brown in the traditional not so subtle plug. Their goal for tonight is to have HHH retain the title.

Here are La Resistance to sing the French National Anthem. This rendition makes me long for the days of Nikolai Volkoff though as singing certainly isn’t their strong point, which I think is kind of the point. However, it’s about to get worse.

La Resistance vs. Sgt Slaughter/Hurricane

Non-title. Sarge is looking huge but the fans definitely respond to him. Hurricane dives off the top onto Grenier, leaving Slaughter to knock Dupree around. We hit the cobra clutch for a second until Dupree makes a rope. Grenier uses the distraction to get in a belt shot for the fast pin. Hurricane was never in the match.

We look at Austin trying to fire Kane up a few weeks ago. This is treated as one of Kane’s memory (complete with the screen getting all wavy as it ends), meaning we now have a camera in his head. Somehow this isn’t quite the surprise.

Here’s Austin for an announcement: Wrestlemania XX is coming to Madison Square Garden. As for tonight though, he’d like to have Mick Foley come out here right now. He knows Foley is going out on a book tour and yes he’d like an autographed copy. Before he goes though, Austin has a little gift. After Foley steps away to avoid a Stunner, Austin brings out some people who used to wrestle in ECW with a framed Hardcore Title. He’s not done though as we get a music video about Foley with quite the set of highlights. Foley: “I almost forgot how good I was!”

Before he can go anywhere else though, here’s Vince McMahon to interrupt. Vince brings up Foley saying he would never be back here again yet here he is. That’s not cool with Vince from a personal standpoint but from a professional standpoint, it’s something else. Therefore, Vince has two words for Foley: thank you.

Foley shakes his hand but wants a hug, much to Vince’s annoyance. He used to mock wrestlers for crying during their great moments but that’s the case right now. We get the required cheap pop and Al Snow joke, Foley talks about the Snuka vs. Muraco match where he knew what he wanted to do for the rest of his life. In the words of Dorothy Gale, there’s no place like home, so he hopes he’ll be welcome back in a WWE ring at some point again. One last thing: in the words of Frosty the Snowman (noted hardcore philosopher), “I’ll say goodbye, but don’t you cry. I’ll be back again someday.”

It’s kind of random to have Foley show up less than a month ago and then have a big goodbye ceremony but this felt like a big way to make up for the way he left before. Foley deserves a big sendoff like this and I’m glad to see it be such a nice moment. At least he went out on good terms for once, which isn’t always the case.

Shawn Michaels/Kevin Nash vs. Ric Flair/Randy Orton

Shawn chops away at Flair to start so it’s off to Orton to trade right hands. Nash gets the side slam on Orton, followed by the framed elbows to Flair in the corner. With Evolution on the floor, Shawn hits a slingshot corkscrew dive to take them out and we go to a break after a rather pedestrian first part.

Back with Shawn getting stomped down by Orton and starting in on the arm. Flair comes in for an armbar of his own, which looks so out of place from him. Even more armbarring from Orton goes nowhere as I’m longing for more Slaughter to energize this tag match. A collision allows for the hot tag to Nash to clean a few rooms of the house.

Flair saves Orton from the Jackknife and it’s a double clothesline to put Evolution down. That’s enough from Nash so it’s back to the winded Shawn as they’ve managed to bore New York City. Sweet Chin Music is blocked but Orton is sent outside. The top rope elbow hits Flair and Sweet Chin Music is good for the easy pin.

Rating: D-. What in the world was that supposed to be? No one in the match looked interested in being there and it was eight minutes of lame arm work. Nash barely did anything and Orton was just there for the sake of being there. In other words, this might as well have been Shawn vs. Flair II, though I’m not sure how much good it was going to be. I have no idea what was wrong here as they’re definitely capable of better.

Video of Kane agreeing to the match last week.

The fans think Kane will win the title 56% to 44%, which surprises JR.

Foley signed a book to Vince but Evolution comes in with Foley getting beaten down at Orton’s hands. A bottle to the head cuts Foley off and Orton kicks him down the stairs. Vince sees him down and says he needs a janitor to get Foley up.

Here are Teddy Long and Rodney Mack for another FIVE MINUTE WHITE BOY CHALLENGE!

Goldberg vs. Rodney Mack

Knees to the ribs (no spear) and the Jackhammer end Mack faster than Maven beat Nowinski. Well that woke them up.

Rob Van Dam gives Kane a pep talk and Kane breaks a mirror he’s been looking into all night.

We get a Wrestlemania Recall, which isn’t from New York City. It is however of Stephanie, with HHH Pedigreeing her at XVIII.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Kane

Kane is challenging and it’s mask vs. title. They start fast with HHH being sent into the corner and getting caught in a choke. There’s no slam quite yet though so Kane takes him outside and sends him into the steps instead. Flair gets in the ring for a distraction though and HHH scores with a chair to the head.

Back from a break with HHH scoring with a spinebuster before botching a DDT. Thankfully Kane sits straight up so HHH pulls him down by the hair (called a neckbreaker) for the same level of effectiveness. A powerslam gives Kane two and the top rope clothesline connects….only to bump the ref. He’s not bumped well enough though so Kane runs him over for good measure.

Flair tries to bring in the belt to no avail as Kane knocks HHH silly for two instead from a second referee. HHH’s low blow into the Pedigree gets two and Kane sends HHH into Flair. The chokeslam is loaded up but Orton comes in with a low blow and the RKO. The second Pedigree retains the title.

Rating: D. So this was basically a pay per view main event match with HHH going with the exact same style he’s used for about nine months now. I remember being stunned that they actually had Kane lose his mask but it’s not like he had anything else going on at the moment. Of course this could have been something they actually took time to set up but why do that when you can rush it in a week? For MSG? Eh, fair enough, though there could have been a bigger moment for such a big deal.

Post match Eric Bischoff comes out to say Kane has to unmask right now. He reaches for the chin strap but HHH hits him from behind with the belt. Van Dam comes in to save Kane (WHERE WAS HE FIVE MINUTES AGO???) and it’s a chokeslam to Orton, followed by the Five Star. Kane loads up the ring post pyro but stops and eventually unmasks. Most of his hair comes off with it, revealing a heavily make-uped face that I guess was supposed to be his horrible burns. Kane chokeslams a stunned Van Dam to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Other than the rather good match designed to make Lance Storm seem boring and the genuinely great Foley ceremony, there wasn’t much on this show of value. Above all though, they came up with an angle where Kane gets unmasked and blew it off in the span of a week. I get the idea of popping a rating but what about popping a pay per view buy rate instead? Would Kane vs. HHH, mask vs. title, inside the Cell have been a worse idea than HHH vs. Nash? Anyway, this had a few good parts but they’re bogged down by some rather bad thinking.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Updated History of the Intercontinental Title in E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

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