Monday Night Raw
Date: June 16, 2003
Location: American Airlines Center, Dallas, Texas
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re past Bad Blood and thank goodness for that. Hopefully it means we’re done with Kevin Nash as a main event star though stranger things have happened. Since Smackdown will have its own brand exclusive show in September, we’re on the road to Summerslam in just over two months. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Mick Foley (who promised to go back to his boring life after last night) to open things up and, shockingly enough, he’s carrying a book. Foley thanks the fans for their support and talks about returning to his normal life on June 16, which happens to be today. However, he wanted one more chance to be inside a WWE ring, though he’ll be here next week in Madison Square Garden as well. We hit the cheap plug for Tietam Brown (which I have on my bookshelf) before Foley talks about putting the Mandible Claw on HHH last night.

That made him remember who he is….but here’s Evolution, now with music (albeit not their best known song). Orton calls Foley a loser and puts over his teammates’ accomplishments from last night. As for tonight though, it’s time for Evolution to find a fourth member and Foley could be up for that spot. Foley isn’t interested in being a Four Horseman wannabe and hanging out with a sixteen year old with no idea what to do with all this testosterone. He rips into Orton for all those injuries so early in his career because he’s never shown the heart that you need to be a star in this business.

Orton says these people are here to see him because he doesn’t have to do things the way Foley did. Randy shows off the physique but Foley tells him to take his best shot. Foley gets physical for a bit but the numbers eventually get the better of him. Of all people, Maven and Al Snow run in for the save. Thankfully I don’t think this is setting up a six man tag but it was a heck of a segment with Foley selling emotion and planting some seeds for a match with Orton later on.

Eric Bischoff yells at Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young, threatening to knock the latter’s dentures out. Mae is going to have a match tonight as punishment for the pie incident last night.

Gail Kim is coming.

Dudley Boyz/Ivory vs. Rodney Mack/Jazz/Christopher Nowinski

The good ones clear the ring to start with Bubba throwing Ivory over the top onto Jazz. Bubba has to fight out of the corner but an elbow hits Nowinski’s mask and Mack takes over. The Bubba Bomb cuts Nowinski off though and everything breaks down in a hurry. Jazz gets shoved down and there’s a double flapjack to Nowinski. Ivory goes up top to play D-Von in What’s Up and Nowinski eats 3D. A rollup gives Ivory another pin on Jazz.

Rating: D+. How many times does Ivory get to pin Jazz before we get Jazz beating her in the title match because even WWE isn’t stupid enough to put the title on Ivory? I really could go for getting that over with and getting on to some fresh talent. Gail Kim would help a lot, assuming they don’t just add her to the rotating cast of uninteresting characters.

You can vote on who will be added to Evolution. Test is an option.

Kane and Rob Van Dam have a rematch for the Tag Team Titles but Kane isn’t thrilled. See, it was Rob’s fault last week so if they lose tonight, they’re done as a team.

Music video on Bad Blood.

Foley, Maven and Snow (in a Hurricane shirt) are annoyed at Evolution. Maven has Orton tonight and Foley will be out there with him.

Evolution is watching the next match to scout talent.

Garrison Cade vs. Lance Storm

What did I do to deserve this? Also, they couldn’t call him, I don’t know, George Cade? Or ANYTHING but Garrison? Maybe Mackey Cade? Before the match, Austin comes out and says BORING over and over while laying down on the stage with a pillow and blanket. He’s tried watching the grass grow and watched the paint dry but maybe this could put him to sleep. The camera stays on Austin as he hammers away, only to get dropkicked by Cade. Austin leads the BORING chants and Lance comes back with a leg lariat for two.

We hit an armbar as Austin is starting to snore. He’s having a dream where Storm is wrestling….which means it’s a nightmare. Now he’s waking up and he realizes it’s not a dream. He says everyone is asleep and the distraction lets Cade grab a rollup for the fast pin. Someone is going to have to explain this Austin making fun of/ripping on the wrestlers thing to me as we had Kane a few weeks back and now this. How does this help anyone? I mean, Austin doesn’t exactly get anything out of it either but it’s twice now that he’s treated another wrestler like garbage. It’s not like they have the talent to spare at the moment either.

Chris Jericho/Christian vs. Goldberg/Booker T.

Booker goes after the Canadians before Goldberg comes out but thankfully he doesn’t waste time with the full entrance. I’d have gotten a good laugh if he had though but thankfully sanity prevailed. Jericho is sent outside in a heap and we take a break before the bell. We’re joined in progress with Jericho bailing out to avoid the legal Goldberg. A thumb to Goldberg’s eye slows him down but he’s right back with a neckbreaker.

Goldberg clotheslines both of them as this is basically dominance whenever Goldberg is in. Booker comes in for a kick to the face and some chops against the ropes. Some cheap shots from the apron has Booker in trouble though as Evolution’s scouting continues. Things slow down with a chinlock but the twisting rollup out of the corner gets….countered into a failed Walls attempt. Booker kicks him away and makes the tag to Goldberg, which really doesn’t get much of a reaction.

A very delayed gorilla press powerslam gets the fans back but Christian breaks it up at two. Christian saves Jericho from the spear so it’s back to Booker as everything seems ready to break down but doesn’t quite get there. Instead Booker has to dropkick Christian out of the air, only to get caught with the Lionsault. Now the spear connects, only to bang up Goldberg’s bad shoulder. Christian brings in the Intercontinental Title, which Booker takes away and uses to knock him cold for the pin.

Rating: B-. Nice main event style tag match here, which was a lot more than I was expecting. Goldberg looked like a killing machine here and Booker looked fine, though it’s not the best use of your Intercontinental Champion. Would it have been the worst thing in the world to have Jericho lose here? Or to have Goldberg do what the fans want to see him do and just break a few people? Good match though.

Long recap of the pie eating segment from last night.

Mae Young vs. Test

An angry Bischoff is out for ring announcing. And no match of course as Austin comes out to make Scott Steiner guest referee (JR: “FINALLY SOME FAIRNESS HERE!” No JR, no that’s still not fairness.), only to have Test give Mae a pumphandle slam before Steiner can come out to even things up. I still never need to see the pie thing again and Moolah/Mae being used for anything other than bad comedy would be in the same category.

Rico is in the back for his match and now he’s even more over the top, with moisturizer and sparkle glitter (his words) along with Miss Jackie (Gayda), which is quite the upgrade as I was always a fan.

After that debut (complete with “IT’S RAINING RICO!”), let’s look at Mae being destroyed again.

Austin wants to see Van Dam and Kane.

Rico vs. Spike Dudley

Rico takes him down with a few kicks and a neckbreaker gets two. Some stomps in the corner have Spike in more trouble as the announcers talk about anything other than this new gimmick. We hit a seated full nelson to keep Spike in trouble, followed by a middle rope ax handle for more of the same. The BORING chants begin (Who could have guessed that would have caught on from earlier?) as JR and King try to figure out if Rico and Jackie are dating. Spike is put on top but bites Rico’s head, setting up a double stomp to the ribs. Jackie offers a distraction though and Rico finishes with a spinning kick.

Rating: D-. Yeah this isn’t the biggest surprise but this gimmick is dead in the water. It’s WWE’s version of being funny when Rico has the potential to be a heck of a star on his own. But instead we’ll go with the stupid jokes because that’s what got Rico over so hard in the first place. Bad match and a bad sign for Rico as well.

Austin yells at Van Dam and Kane, saying DO IT FOR AMERICA.

Maven vs. Randy Orton

Foley and Flair are at ringside. Orton easily takes him down to start as JR thinks Randy could be a star with a slight attitude adjustment. That’s more accurate than he could have known. Maven gets in a dropkick to put Orton on the floor but the hanging DDT gives Orton two. A hard whip into the corner has Maven in more trouble and a northern lights suplex gets two.

Maven fights out of a chinlock as Lawler accuses Foley of ripping him off for some illustrations in a book. JR completely ignores that to talk about Van Dam and Kane, making me think there’s a coverup. Orton’s dropkick gets two but Maven avoids a charge in the corner. A middle rope bulldog gives Maven two as Foley gives Flair Mr. Socko. Maven gets two more off a high crossbody but the RKO (so weird to have it get no reaction) puts him away.

Rating: D. Not terrible and better than the boss yelling about a match being boring but there’s a reason that Maven wasn’t around very often. It’s understandable when you consider he was only a few years into the business at this point but he never really got much better. You can see Orton’s potential shining here though and a lot of his signature stuff is starting to pick up.

Foley tries to start a post match fight but the villains run.

Test, Jericho and Kane win the fan vote about who will be in Evolution.

Tag Team Titles: La Resistance vs. Kane/Rob Van Dam

La Resistance is defending after winning the titles last night. Kane throws Rene Dupree around to start and choke drops Sylvan Grenier for a bonus. The champs are sent outside and Rob hits a running dive (which seemed like it was supposed to include a flip) to take them both down again.

Back from a break with Van Dam in trouble and Rene grabbing a chinlock. JR stays on his rants against France, including the classic “if you don’t like America, get out”. Grenier comes in for a bow and arrow hold until Rob fights up for the hot tag off to Kane. The top rope clothesline misses though, which Lawler thinks is impressive. Kane chokes Grenier in the air for a top rope kick to the face in a spot that was cooler than I thought it would have been.

Things settle back down with Van Dam scoring two off a dropkick. Rene is back in with a Death Valley Driver but now the top rope clothesline connects. A thumb to the eye cuts Kane off though and the double spinebuster plants him on the floor. Back in and the double spinebuster is countered with a double DDT (didn’t look good and wasn’t clear until the champs stayed down) for two. Rob goes up but gets shoved onto Kane, who chairs Rene in the head for the DQ.

Rating: D+. Not terrible but WAY too long as it felt like it should have ended five minutes earlier. Kane snapping again is interesting, though I could have gone for more of Kane and Van Dam as a team. At least we have some new champs who have proven they can beat the old champs, though it’s still not the most thrilling stuff in the world.

Post match Kane destroys La Resistance with chair shots and a chokeslam….so here’s HHH. The champ says he respects Kane, unlike Van Dam. Right here tonight, HHH is offering Kane a spot in Evolution. As HHH gives his sales pitch, here’s Austin to interrupt. HHH and Austin bicker a bit until Austin gives Kane a title shot next week in Madison Square Garden. This brings out Bischoff to say if Kane loses, he loses the mask. Kane chokeslams HHH to accept the match.

Overall Rating: D. You know it really is amazing how much easier this was to sit through without having to deal with Kevin Nash. Kane isn’t a great opponent but at least he can move around and the fans might buy him as a threat to win the title. Unfortunately there’s not much else to cheer for on this show, save for the good tag match in the middle. When you have Austin yelling about how boring Storm is, you can only get the show so far. Evolution is starting to have some potential though, which is a good sign as it’s likely going to be the biggest story on the show for a very long time.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Updated History of the Intercontinental Title in E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/10/02/new-paperback-kbs-history-of-the-intercontinental-title-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Bad Blood 2003
Date: June 15, 2003
Location: Compaq Center, Houston, Texas
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the first single brand pay per view and the question is can WWE manage to come up with ANYTHING better than what they’ve been doing on TV. They’ve basically punted on Kevin Nash as a main eventer, bringing in Mick Foley with the hopes that he and the Cell can save interest in the show. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at the three top stories: the main event, Goldberg vs. Chris Jericho and the Steve Austin vs. Eric Bischoff. That’s the top of their card, with Ric Flair vs. Shawn Michaels not getting any significant attention.

Dudley Boyz vs. Christopher Nowinski/Rodney Mack

Earlier tonight, Nowinski asked D-Von why the white brother was always the one saying get the tables. D-Von thought about it because 2003 is a year of bad storylines. Mack hammers on D-Von to start and the fans already want tables. Bubba comes in for some right hands to Chris’ ribs, which makes sense instead of hitting him in the metal face guard. He will however slam the back of Nowinski’s head into the mat though and the Dudleys clear the ring without too much effort.

Back in and Mack trips D-Von down for a crotching against the post. We hit a chinlock for a bit until Nowinski drops a knee for two. A middle rope elbow misses though and the hot tag brings in Bubba to clean house. Everything breaks down and Nowinski misses a mask shot. Mack can’t get the Black Out so it’s What’s Up and a table request but D-Von has second thoughts. The distraction lets Nowinski hit Bubba with the mask for the pin.

Rating: D. Just a TV match here and that’s not a good sign. The last few weeks have shown how uninteresting most of the feuds have been and this one being thrown together on the last Raw didn’t help things. The team has only been back together about eight months and we’ve seen how lame they were apart so teasing another split or even issues isn’t a good sign.

The announcers recap the pie eating contest of the Redneck Triathlon.

Now we see the pie eating being set up on Raw.

Earlier tonight, Bischoff and Austin spun the wheel to pick a burping contest.

And now, the burping contest, held in the back. They each get three burps and Austin is doing jumping jacks. Bischoff goes first and is outclassed by Austin and his canned burp. Round two is the same thing and so is the third as Austin wins as I’m sure the live audience is so happy they paid to watch this on a screen. Total time spent on this so far: 4:13 (minus recaps and announcers talking about it).

Test vs. Scott Steiner

The winner gets Stacy Keibler as manager. Test can’t even manage to jump Steiner as he’s watching Stacy get into the ring and it’s Scott taking over inside. They head outside again with Test sending him into the steps, earning a YOU SUCK chant as lead by Stacy. Back in and Test mocks the pushups, followed by a sleeper. The first belly to belly sends Test hovering (wasn’t quite flying) and the backdrop/powerslam gets two. Steiner’s reverse DDT gets the same but Test is right back with a pumphandle powerslam.

Stacy gets on the apron and accidentally distracts Steiner into a big boot. That’s only two as well because we just get to keep going. King: “Stacy was almost orgasmic when Steiner kicked out!” JR: “WHAT???” Test goes for a chair but shoves Stacy down first. Back in and Test’s chair shot hits the rope and bounces back onto his own head, setting up the Downward Spiral to give Steiner the pin.

Rating: D. The TV matches continue but this time we had a bad story to go with it. Well that and Lawler sounding like an annoying twelve year old, as was his custom. Neither guy is over with the crowd and the real star is Stacy, who isn’t exactly a driving force in the company these days. This was another match that didn’t need to be on pay per view.

Austin and Bischoff are in front of a tractor and talk about the pie eating. Bischoff has some women ready to assist him and they’re all rather good looking. They agree that Bischoff gets to go first but Austin gets to pick the flavor of pie. Can we just get to the sight gag already?

Intercontinental Title: Christian vs. Booker T.

Christian is defending after screwing Booker, the hometown boy, out of the title in a battle royal last month. An armdrag only seems to annoy Booker, who claps the fans back to life. Booker grabs a headlock to take him down as Lawler wonders if there will be leftovers in the pie eating contest. Christian charges into a spinebuster for the first two but he gets Booker outside for a shot into the steps.

As you might expect, we hit the chinlock for a bit as the crowd dies again. Back up and Christian dives into a flapjack, followed by a stun gun. Booker grabs Christian’s reverse DDT for two, followed by Christian getting the same off a Bookend. The threat of an ax kick sends Christian outside so he can try for an intentional countout. That’s fine with the referee, who says if Christian gets counted out, he’ll forfeit the title. Christian comes back in and hits Booker with the belt for the DQ instead.

Rating: D+. Bad finish aside, it’s easily the match of the night, mainly due to the talent involved actually being people worth watching. However, it doesn’t help that we’re three matches and forty minutes in and we haven’t exactly had anything pay per view worthy to cheer for. The Dudleys win a lot of nothing tag matches and Steiner getting Stacy is hardly important. Now we have this feud continuing for another month or so. Booker winning the title would have given the crowd gets another disappointment instead.

It’s time for part two of the Redneck Triathlon with this event taking place in the ring. Bischoff is rather smug about the pie he’ll be having but Austin brings up Bischoff saying he liked mature women. The four women in the back show up on screen but instead Austin brings out Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young. Lawler: “WE SAID PIE! NOT CHEESECAKE!” This is hardly funny nor the biggest surprise in the world but it was the only option they were going to go with here, other than someone in drag or Rikishi.

Bischoff refuses so Austin declares himself the winner, which isn’t cool with Eric. Mae kisses him, which isn’t enough for Austin. Instead it’s a low blow and a Bronco Buster, but only after Mae pulls off her skirt to reveal a thong. Bischoff says it’s Austin’s turn but he has to warm up first….and then he Stuns Mae and forfeits. Beer is consumed as this is somehow an even bigger waste of time than I was expecting it to be. Total time spent on the Triathlon tonight: 15:46 (not counting backstage segments).

Gail Kim is coming, which just reminds me that we can’t get a Women’s Title match on the card tonight because we needed that mess.

We recap Kane not helping Rob Van Dam on Raw.

La Resistance insults Texas.

Tag Team Titles: La Resistance vs. Rob Van Dam/Kane

Van Dam and Kane are defending. Rob and Rene start things off with a headlock having the Frenchman in trouble. An interruption of the finger poke earns Dupree a spinning kick to the face and a crossbody for an early two. Evil French cheating lets Dupree get in a DDT for two and Rob is in trouble. Rob kicks his way to freedom (that’s AMERICAN freedom) and it’s off to Kane to clean house.

A choke drop to Dupree and a side slam on Grenier are good for two, followed by the top rope clothesline for the same. With Rob watching on, a neckbreaker/clothesline combination gets two on Kane. Since that’s a lame finisher, Kane is right back up and launching Rob off the top for the kick to Dupree’s chest. Rob’s big flip dive hits everyone but only Kane gets knocked down. Back in and the double spinebuster gives La Resistance the titles.

Rating: D. Much like earlier, this could have been on any given episode of Raw, which is a major problem on this show. The French guys are as generic of a team as any but it’s better than having Lance Storm and Chief Morely thrown together and boring the heck out of everyone. Van Dam and Kane had a longer shelf life but they were losing the belts to someone like La Resistance eventually so just doing it here is acceptable enough. It might have been better if La Resistance had been built up a bit better, but who were they supposed to beat to do that?

We recap Chris Jericho vs. Goldberg. Jericho tried to have Goldberg run over due to jealousy over Goldberg’s success in WCW. Goldberg found out, meaning it’s time for Jericho to die. Chris made it even worse by ruining Goldberg’s car and spearing him, because I guess he doesn’t mind extreme pain.

Chris Jericho vs. Goldberg

A lockup has Jericho in trouble as they fall outside in a hurry. Back in and a World’s Strongest Slam plants Chris but he gets in a few shots in the corner. That’s fine with Goldberg, who gorilla press crotches him on the top instead. They head outside again with the spear going through the barricade to give Jericho his best chance. Goldberg’s shoulder is banged up so Jericho is smart enough to send it into the post. Back in and Goldberg, who is bleeding from the forehead, has his arm wrapped around the ropes. A DDT on the arm sets up a Fujiwara armbar but Goldberg pops up without too much effort.

Since the arm isn’t working, a superkick drops Jericho, who comes right back with another arm takedown. The Lionsault gets two (as always) and a weaker than usual spear puts Jericho down. The referee gets poked in the eye though and a low blow takes Goldberg down. Jericho grabs the Walls but Goldberg powers out, setting up a spear with the good shoulder. The Jackhammer ends Jericho as we finally have a match break ten minutes.

Rating: C+. Match of the night by a mile or two and it’s not even anything great. They were pretty much copying Goldberg vs. Diamond Dallas Page from Halloween Havoc 1998 (nothing wrong with that) but there’s only so much you can do when Page had one home run move with the Diamond Cutter and Jericho only has the Lionsault. It’s a good match though, and that’s what this show needed, desperately.

There’s a pig pen set up for the last part of the Triathlon.

They spin the wheel again….and it’s a Sing Off. Austin knows he’s in trouble and Bischoff gloats.

We recap Shawn Michaels vs. Ric Flair, which is easily the best thing going over the last few weeks. Shawn has been trying to convince Flair that he’s still great because Shawn grew up idolizing him. Flair seemed to buy into it and gave HHH a good match, only to turn on Shawn again and set up this match. The promos have been outstanding and if they do the match the justice it deserves, it could be excellent.

Shawn Michaels vs. Ric Flair

They strut it out to start until Shawn takes him down and walks over Flair’s back. A good slap puts Flair down again and a clothesline puts him on the floor for a dive. Back in and Shawn chops away, followed by some right hands in the corner. The referee tries to get Shawn off of him, allowing Ric to score with a chop block and take over. We’re already off to the Figure Four and Shawn is in trouble, though I don’t think many people are actually worried.

Shawn makes the rope so Flair shoves the referee, earning a stern lecture. An enziguri gives Shawn a breather but he gets elbowed in the jaw. Flair gets slammed off the top so Shawn tries the Figure Four, only to get a finger in the eye. Ric goes up again but gets clotheslined out of the air to give Shawn another opening. The crowd is oddly silent here, which might be due to the fact that they’re only ten minutes into the match. A superplex brings Flair down and….let’s get the most unnecessary table in recent memory.

Shawn puts Flair on the table but has to drop an interfering Randy Orton. That’s enough for the top rope splash through the table and both guys are down. Back in and Flair kicks both Shawn and the referee low at the same time. Shawn hits the forearm and top rope elbow sets up Sweet Chin Music, only to have Orton chair him in the head. Flair is pulled on top for the easy pin.

Rating: B-. They were getting there but the table felt so far out of left field. It’s completely fine to make this about Orton but having him run in with the chair instead of getting taken down before the table spot made him look like a bumbling lackey at first. The other problem is you can only get so much out of a match that’s just over fourteen minutes long and had a lot spent on the table stuff and interference. Still good though.

Ad for Freddie Blassie’s book.

It’s time for the final part of the Triathlon. Bischoff goes first and lip syncs his theme song until Austin comes on screen and calls him out for it. Therefore Bischoff has to sing it himself and of course it’s awful. Since that’s basically a loss and Austin can’t do any better, we’ll spin the wheel again. Austin stops it on Pig Pen Fun and thank goodness we already have a pen set up. Since Austin is still in the back, the fans are deputized to keep Bischoff in the arena. Bischoff: “I un-deputize every one of you!”

A fan throws Bischoff back to ringside and here’s Austin to punch Bischoff out. Austin takes him into the ring for a beating and a Stunner. Bischoff is taken up to the stage and thrown into the pen so beer can be consumed. Total time spent on the Triathlon: 25:49, not counting all the backstage stuff which probably brings it over thirty minutes. That’s more than twice what Flair vs. Michaels got, which really doesn’t instill me with confidence.

They could have done these three things maybe in ten minutes total but they stretched it out WAY longer than it needed to be. What did this accomplish anyway? Austin humiliates Bischoff and they still don’t get along? We established that the second they were on screen together and have reminded us of it every time since. This wasn’t particularly funny and just kept going, making a show that wasn’t good in the first place even worse.

The Cell is lowered.

We recap HHH vs. Kevin Nash, which is still going for reasons of it’s the Kliq, who we were all just begging to see again. Nash beat the heck out of HHH at the last pay per view so we’re having a rematch in the Cell with Mick Foley as referee to try and salvage some interest. Nash just is not working in the main event and even WWE seems to know it by this point (he was barely on Raw while HHH and Foley carried the build) so hopefully this gets rid of him once and for all.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Kevin Nash

Inside the Cell. Nash is challenging and scores with a big boot to put HHH on the floor to start. That’s a little too intense for Nash though and he takes him back inside for some right hands. Now that’s more Nash’s speed. Nash shoves HHH into Foley as JR says not many people can beat Nash in a straight up fist fight. I’m not sure I’d buy him being able to beat either people in the ring with him in a fight but that’s just me. A big whip sends HHH into the Cell wall and Nash gets two off a side slam.

Nash goes with some chair shots as Lawler wonders why there’s a chair inside the Cell. They head outside again with Nash moving a cameraman out of the way. The cameraman actually says “oh pardon me”, making him the most polite wrestling employee I’ve ever heard. HHH goes into the steps before Nash throws them at his head. They only hit the wall but at least it sounded good.

HHH finally gets in some right hands for a breather before pulling out…..a hammer, which he uses to hit Nash in the knee. Now normally that would probably break something, but Nash is a manly man. A hammer shot TO THE HEAD puts Nash down long enough for Foley to get in a shoving match with HHH. Nash is busted open but alive, which is more than most would have from being HIT IN THE HEAD WITH A HAMMER.

The cut is raked over the wall and now, let’s bring in a screwdriver. That’s jabbed into the hands covering Nash’s head for a little more blood, but we need more toys. HHH pulls out the barbed wire 2×4 but Nash gets in some right hands. Nash hits him in the head with the board and HHH is busted as well (in better fashion too). Snake Eyes onto the barbed wire on the buckle draws even more blood and a HHH covering Booker at Wrestlemania delayed two count.

The steps are thrown in again but HHH comes back with a wooden crate to the face for the stop. HHH finds the sledgehammer, which Foley takes it away. That rightfully earns him a shot to the head (Foley had no business interfering there) but Nash grabs a drop toehold to send HHH into the steps. A kick to the leg cuts Nash down again and HHH chairs them both in the head.

The bloody Foley pulls out Mr. Socko, which is broken up by a low blow. Nash accidentally hits them both with the steps so there’s no count, only to have HHH ram Nash into Foley into the wall (for the expected great bump). The Jackknife gets two but Nash can’t follow up. A sledgehammer to the head sets up the Pedigree to retain HHH’s title.

Rating: C-. Really, it’s not even terrible. The Cell didn’t need to be there as this could have been a street fight but that doesn’t sell as many pay per views (nothing wrong with that line of thinking). The problem here though is Nash could have shot HHH in the chest and not pinned him here and that was obvious from the start. It could have been much worse but that’s not enough to validate two months of completely uninteresting build to get here. It’s far from the worst Cell match ever (those shows from the last few years had some awful ten minute Cell matches) but it’s one of the least interesting and that to me is worse.

We’re off the air after two hours and thirty two minutes for one of the earliest endings in company history.

Overall Rating: D-. It’s a really, really bad show but it’s far from the worst show ever or even close to it. The short run time, the fact that they had that short run time with half an hour dedicated to one comedy gag and the complete lack of anything worthwhile in the first hour or so make this much more unnecessary than anything else. This EASILY could have been chopped down to a two hour show (or expanded to a decent time by letting Shawn vs. Flair go 20+ minutes) but as it was, it really didn’t work.

That being said, there are some good points to it, with the main event being far better than I was expecting. I would even go so far as likening it to a trip to the dentist (“There now. That wasn’t so bad, was it?”) but that’s about as high a level of praise as I can go. Shawn vs. Flair was good too and the ending actually accomplished something, but my goodness it was rough getting there. The Triathlon stuff was brutal and the first three or four matches belonged on Raw at best. Simply put, this didn’t need to be either three hours or brand exclusive and they weren’t ready for that combination.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Updated History of the Intercontinental Title in E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/10/02/new-paperback-kbs-history-of-the-intercontinental-title-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: June 12, 2003
Location: TD Waterhouse Center, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s a big night here as Smackdown has one of those pay per view main events on TV when Raw has the brand exclusive show. Tonight it’s Brock Lesnar defending the title against Big Show, plus Vince McMahon vs. Zack Gowan in an arm wrestling match for Gowan’s contract. Ok I didn’t say it was a high quality pay per view match. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Rey Mysterio winning the Cruiserweight Title last week. You really would have thought it would be the Mr. America stuff or Brock Lesnar vs. Big Show but this is a nice surprise.

Opening sequence.

Cruiserweight Title: Matt Hardy vs. Rey Mysterio

Rey is defending and Matt, who is too handsome to wear a mask like Rey, tells the MF’ers to stay in the back. Matt goes right at Rey to start and whips him hard into the corner. An early 619 misses and Matt hammers away some more. A middle rope neckbreaker is broken up so Rey hits a super bulldog to put both guys down instead.

Rey’s springboard seated senton gets two, only to tweak the bad groin on a leapfrog attempt. It’s fine enough for the 619 though and a springboard legdrop gets two. Back up and Matt drops him onto the middle rope, messing up the injury again. Splash Mountain gets two on the champ but he blocks the Twist of Fate. A West Coast Pop from the top without the springboard retains the title in a hurry.

Rating: B-. They kept it moving out there and that’s what this needed to be. Mysterio retaining again, despite being injured, makes it clear that he’s the better man of the two and should wrap things up between them. As a bonus, it’s a great way to open the show as they’re in and out less than ten minutes into the show with the fans having something to cheer about.

It’s time for Piper’s Pit, but an international version. Piper has a table set up with sombreros, booze and various other things, all set up for guests Eddie Guerrero and Tajiri. Eddie is very excited to be on the show and Piper seems equally happy. He talks about Eddie and Tajiri being all about lying, cheating and stealing, which Eddie says is them being honest.

Piper says the truth is Sean O’Haire will be the next World Champion, so Eddie should let him hold one of the Tag Team Titles. Eddie isn’t going to do that, but Tajiri hands his over for a plate of sushi. A fight is about to break out so let’s have some tequila instead. Tajiri spits his in Piper’s face though and they steal the belt back without much effort.

Sable is in Stephanie’s office and using her computer when Stephanie comes in. After claiming to have been looking for Zack Gowan’s contract, Sable mentions that Stephanie is bringing back the US Title (well thank goodness). Stephanie says it’s true and insults Sable a bit, saying that Sable will never be able to con her (Stephanie is too smart you see).

Billy Gunn vs. A-Train

Torrie Wilson is guest ring announcer here for no apparent reason. She introduces the returning Billy and seems to have a thing for him. Billy slugs away with some clotheslines, followed by the Stinger Splash in the corner. A bicycle kick cuts him off but the Derailer is countered, setting up a quick Fameasser to give Billy the pin.

Torrie lets Billy give him a quick spank post match.

Undertaker vs. Johnny Stamboli

Yes this is still going. Stamboli charges in and gets punched down in the corner for his efforts. The FBI distraction doesn’t work as Undertaker punches them away without too much effort, mainly because he’s the Undertaker and they’re the FBI. Stamboli finally gets in a baseball slide for a breather and Palumbo’s superkick takes Undertaker down. A slingshot legdrop and a suplex get two on Undertaker. Since he’s an athletic freak, Stamboli jumps from the mat to the top and spins around with a legdrop that only hits mat. The Last Ride gives Undertaker the pin.

Rating: D. The more I see of Stamboli, the more impressed I am. He was never going to be a big star because the basics weren’t exactly great but some of the athletic feats he pulled off were very impressive. Of course when he’s done those feats he’s lost to Rikishi and Undertaker, at least one of which wasn’t exactly necessary. This feud really needs to end soon though as it’s not doing anything for anyone involved.

The FBI chairs Undertaker down.

Mr. America helps Gowan warm up for the arm wrestling.

Here’s Stephanie to run the arm wrestling match. Naturally she has something to say but Sable comes out to cut her off. Apparently she’s Stephanie’s assistant, even though I thought they said she was Vince’s last week. Eh it’s not interesting either way so here are Gowan and Mr. America. Vince is out next and looks as jacked as he has in years.

We’re not ready to go yet though as America challenges Vince to arm wrestle him instead. Sable whispers into Vince’s ear and the boss agrees, upon two conditions. First of all, Gowan vs. Vince is still on for later. However, if Vince beats America, he leaves for the other arm wrestling. Why do I feel like I need legal representation for this? They go left handed to save Vince’s arm for later and America flips him off at the same time. Sable accuses America of cheating so they let go, causing Stephanie to threaten to disqualify her father.

This time it’s right handed and America is about to win until Sable flashes him to give Vince the win. Vince gloats about the win and compliments Sable’s……eyes as America and Stephanie leave. So Gowan and Vince go now with Vince being in some trouble until he kicks the bad leg out to win. Gowan is stunned and Vince tells him that he needs athletes, not freaks. I’m not going to be able to top that one so thankfully this is over. This was really long and I don’t think it actually changed anything, making it a perfect fit for this story.

Post break America is consoling Gowan when Big Show comes in to gloat a bit.

Chris Benoit/Rhyno vs. Basham Brothers

The Bashams debut Linda Miles as their manager Shaniqua. Tazz recognizes her as Miles (it’s not hard to miss) and wants to know why she has a riding crop. Rhyno runs Danny over to start but a hair pull from the apron lets Danny put on a chinlock. That’s shoved away without much effort and the hot tag brings in Benoit. Suplexes abound and Doug gets caught in the Crossface until Danny makes a save. Rhyno punches Benoit by mistake and a Rough Ryder gives Danny the pin.

Rating: D+. More angle advancement here as we move closer to Benoit and Rhyno finally splitting. The Bashams aren’t much yet and Shaniqua really doesn’t need to be there but that’s never stopped WWE before. The tag division does need some fresh talent and it’s not like they’re as dull as the FBI. At the moment the Bashams don’t have any real characters so they’re already better than the stereotype gimmicks.

Benoit and Rhyno argue in the back.

John Cena vs. Funaki

Before the match, Cena raps about Cole loves boy bands, including O-Town. Cena charges into a boot, blocks the tornado DDT and finishes with the FU (much more like the modern version) in less than a minute.

Here’s Kurt Angle for a chat. After promising to be a champion again soon, Kurt wants to talk to Team Angle. Kurt wants to know where they were last week but Team Angle says they were sick. Benjamin: “Sick of being in your shadow.” Where was Kurt when they needed him to be part of the team? Angle yells at them for not responding to a setback before telling them to think about how to get the Tag Team Titles back.

Haas says hang on a second and points out the loss at Wrestlemania where he broke his neck (not exactly). They fought Lesnar and didn’t break their necks, meaning Angle is a loser! Kurt says the YOU SUCK chants have been earned, which only he can make sound like a positive.

Haas says Kurt can still be on the team, but they’re the leaders now. That’s not cool with Kurt, who throws both of them off the team. Angle even kicks dirt on them like an umpire and they actually leave. Kurt was hilarious here but Haas’ line about not breaking their necks was the best in the whole thing. Good stuff here and funny, as Angle can always do.

During the break, Haas and Benjamin beat Angle down. Cole: “Is that how you handle things? You get fired and you beat up your boss?” Tazz: “Well yeah. I did.”

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Brock is defending and gets clotheslined down early on. Show blocks a belly to belly without too much effort but gets low bridged to the floor in a rather large crash. A whip sends Brock into the steps and a side slam gives Show two. Show’s half crab has Brock in some trouble but he makes the rope, as expected.

Lesnar shrugs it off but can’t hold him up for the F5. The chokeslam is broken up but Show runs him over and drops a leg for two. Now the chokeslam connects for another two and Show is frustrated. He loads up a super chokeslam but Lesnar reverses into a superplex….and they break the ring. They’re both pretty much dead so the match is thrown out.

Rating: D+. I’m rather sick of seeing these two fight but that was quite the visual to help move things along. It’s certainly a great crash and a unique finish but it also likely means a rematch. Lesnar sold a bunch here and Show’s stuff was fine, though once you’ve seen these two fight once, you’ve seen it every time and that’s not good for the champion and almost perennial #1 contender.

Doctors come out (with Cole getting in the of “trainers, referees, EMT’s down”, which was used on the Do Not Try This At Home announcements for years) and check on them both to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Really weak show for the most part here with only a big visual and a good opener on the positive side. They need something fresh around here and while the US Title coming back will open up some possibilities, Lesnar vs. Big Show and the Mr. America stuff just isn’t going to get them very far. Bad show here, but not a hopeless disaster.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Updated History of the Intercontinental Title in E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: June 9, 2003
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for Bad Blood and getting that show out of the way is going to hurt quite a bit but at least I’ll never have to think about it again. Most of the show’s card is already set and hopefully that means we get to see some more of Shawn and Flair yelling at each other in awesome fashion. Let’s get to it.

Steve Austin is in his office when HHH comes in. The champ wants to know who the special referee is going to be at Bad Blood but Austin won’t answer. Shouting ensues but it doesn’t get anywhere.

Opening sequence.

Rosey vs. Goldberg

The bell rings but we pause for Chris Jericho to come out and stand on the stage with a chair. They lock up to start with the fans shouting a rather mean word to Jericho. Goldberg hits a bad dropkick but gets caught in a Samoan drop. That’s about it for Rosey’s offense though as Goldberg kicks him down, only to have Jericho run in and miss a chair shot. Rosey breaks up the spear but takes one himself. The Jackhammer is enough to put the Samoan away.

You can vote on who you think will be the guest referee, with options of Austin, Mick Foley, Shane McMahon, Terry Funk or the Rock. Not the most ridiculous set of choices.

Rob Van Dam vs. Rene Dupree

In a bit of a twist, Rob starts by firing off some kicks. A monkey flip sends Rene outside so Rob drops him on the barricade for the spinning kick to the back. Back in and Rene gets in a few shots before sending Rob into the post. We hit an armbar for a bit until more kicks get Rob out of trouble. Rolling Thunder looks to set up the Five Star but Rob only hits mat. Not that it matters as he grabs a rollup to end Rene a few seconds later.

Rating: D. That ending really didn’t do much for anyone but that’s the case with the entire story. Rob beating the challenger isn’t exactly brilliant either but it’s not like this match was going to do much for the title match either way. Can we just get La Resistance beating up some other team? Just throw together some jobbers or something.

Sylvan Grenier comes in for the beatdown and Kane doesn’t make a save.

Bischoff and Austin have a big wheel to pick the events in the Redneck Triathlon. They do the first spin and it’s Pie Eating. Bischoff thinks of strawberry and apple but Austin has a different idea. Various jokes are made and Lawler is thrilled.

We get some memories from people on the life of Freddie Blassie, including his appearance on Raw last month. As you might expect, Stephanie talked about meeting him as a child. I’m sure they were best friends or something.

Rob berates Kane for not being there but Kane doesn’t say anything.

Trish Stratus/Ivory vs. Jazz/Victoria

Ivory jumps Jazz during her catchphrase before it’s off to Trish to fire off some chops. A hard clothesline cuts Trish off and it’s Victoria coming in to pummel away. Trish’s hurricanrana takes Victoria down so Ivory can come back in, only to get beaten up as well. The announcers talk about how all four of them want to be Women’s Champion, which is the closest thing to a story we’re going to have in this match.

Jazz suplexes Ivory three times in a row, which JR calls a trifecta. Lawler uses that to switch back to the Redneck Triathlon, which includes PIE EATING! The spinning side slam gives Victoria two on Ivory and everything breaks down. Jazz goes for Ivory’s leg but gets caught in a hideous small package for the pin.

Rating: D-. How many times in a row can we have the same match with the same five or six women that never leads to anything substantial? They don’t have any story development and the wrestling is getting worse and worse. New blood will help, but if that new blood is just added to the same rotating cast who never goes anywhere, it won’t matter.

Chris Jericho is trying to leave the arena but Christian talks him into staying. It turns out that Jericho is trying to get into Goldberg’s head. As for now though, he’s leaving before he hurts Goldberg.

Video on the UK tour.

Scott Steiner vs. Lance Storm

Test comes out to do commentary and the distraction lets Storm get in a cheap shot. That’s Canadian collusion if I’ve ever seen it. Steiner fights out of a chinlock as Test accuses Stacy of being rather unattractive without makeup. Test runs down to ringside to grab Stacy but gets forearmed in the face. Storm scores with a springboard clothesline but walks into the Downward Spiral for the fast pin.

Post match, Test kicks Steiner in the face and hits him with a chair. He yells at Stacy but then relents and says she doesn’t have to be his girlfriend anymore. Test: “Because this Sunday, I’m going to make you my w****.” He then kisses her and bends her arm back. Well. That was disturbing.

The Cell is lowered.

The fans overwhelmingly think Foley will be guest referee. Well to be fair, who else was it going to be?

Here’s Austin to announce Mick Foley as the referee. This is hardly a surprise and that’s not a bad thing. Austin leaves as Foley gets in the Cell and talks about not being around for awhile. You can take him out of the WWE but you can’t take the WWE out of him. Last week he was watching Raw and heard Austin talking about a man crazy enough to referee this match. Foley’s hair stood up and he was begging for it to be him. Then Austin called him and Foley couldn’t agree fast enough.

Foley goes around the country talking to kids about reading and helping those who need it. The one thing they all ask him about is flying off the Cell, but he doesn’t remember it because he won. He remembers it because he walked out under his own power. This Sunday, someone is going to be counted down 1-2-3, which Foley starts to chant for some reason.

Cue HHH to say this is none of Foley’s business (he’s right, but then again Nash has no business being in the main event). Foley is just a normal guy now (I don’t think normal people get to referee pay per view main events), just like all these people here. HHH brings up retiring Foley inside the Cell, which Foley admits to. What HHH couldn’t do though was keep Foley down because Foley walked out under his own power. Foley does the 1-2-3 thing again and HHH tells him to back out of the match within the next hour.

This was quite a strange segment as Nash was barely mentioned and it felt like HHH was facing Foley at the pay per view. The problem is there’s no reason for the match to exist and Foley is very clearly being thrown in there in the hope that he’ll get a few more people to watch. There’s a connection between HHH and Foley, but have Foley and Nash ever even been on TV together?

It was very clear that Foley didn’t have anything to say here because there’s no story to be told. The Cell is just there to try and make people care about the match and Foley is a bonus to that concept. I love Foley and he’s going to be the most entertaining part of the match but he wasn’t clicking here. That’s not on him though as he had nothing to work with, much like everyone involved in this thing.

Here’s Ric Flair to introduce Randy Orton for his match. Orton comes out to Flair’s music, which doesn’t quite work. It’s better than AJ Styles as Flair II though.

Randy Orton vs. Hurricane

Hang on a second as Shawn Michaels comes out with Hurricane to keep things even. A very early Eye of the Hurricane attempt is blocked and Orton grabs a belly to back suplex. Something like a jumping clothesline (it was supposed to be a neckbreaker but Hurricane didn’t get the arms right) puts Orton down, followed by a crossbody for two.

The Blockbuster misses so Hurricane settles for a Shining Wizard. Flair and Shawn get into it with Shawn getting posted and Flair bleeding somehow. Orton uses the distraction to debut the RKO for the pin. It’s a different form here as he grabs the neck like a Diamond Cutter and then jumps, making for a good impact but not the smoothest path to get there.

Shawn beats Flair and Orton up without too much effort.

Spike Dudley comes up to Foley in the back and asks if Foley needs to be referee. Foley says he’ll think about it but kind of blows Spike off.

HHH yells at Bischoff but we can’t hear what’s being said.

And now, a Spinrooni contest between Booker T. and Christian with Lawler hosting. First though, Booker has King do his best King-a-Rooni, which is exactly what it sounds like. Christian asks who ordered the pizza with extra “peep”arooni and we get some dancing into the Spinarooni with a pose at the end. Booker calls it pathetic and tries his own, triggering the fight you knew was coming. Christian bails but does sneak back out to hit Booker with the title.

D-Von Dudley vs. Rodney Mack

Bubba Ray, Teddy Long and Christopher Nowinski are here too with Teddy on commentary. D-Von scores with some armdrags to start as Teddy talks about Nowinski being oppressed. Mack gets in a spinebuster and cranks on the arm, followed be a nerve hold. Teddy says Jerry’s jokes are whack as the fans want tables. A neckbreaker gives D-Von two but he has to go after Nowinski. The reverse inverted DDT plants Mack but Teddy offers a distraction. Nowinski eats a 3D, only to have Mack grab the Black Out for the submission.

Rating: D. Another week, another bad Mack match. The choke is a decent finisher but he’s not getting anywhere beating up tag wrestlers and we’ve seen him do this stuff for weeks now. Unfortunately his character isn’t exactly geared to go anywhere beyond this, so the first loss is going to wipe him out. At least Teddy is funny though.

Goldberg is ready for Sunday when Jericho chairs him from behind. It as as much effect as most chair shots on Goldberg.

Austin is looking for Foley. Post break, Austin tells Foley to drop this being afraid nonsense.

The Cell is lowered again and here’s HHH for Foley’s answer. Foley comes out and says he’s going to referee the match before returning to his boring, average life. He knows HHH is going to beat him up on Sunday, so let’s get it out of the way now. The fight is on with Foley getting the better of it until he’s sent knees first into the steps.

Foley gets chaired in the head so HHH leaves but Foley counts three again. He grabs a mic and tells HHH to come back so the beating continues, including a Pedigree on the chair. Foley counts again so Orton and Flair come in to help with the beatdown. Cue Nash and Michaels for the save, including a Jackknife to HHH so Foley can count three to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. This show was the last bump on the road to a show that no one is interested in seeing (save for Michaels vs. Flair, which barely got any time tonight). The problem is of course no one is interested in Sunday’s title match. The fact that Nash was a last minute cameo tells you everything you need to know about how much WWE thinks of him in this spot. Nash has no chance of winning and Foley is basically the surrogate face in the whole thing.

Everything else was just kind of there as we get ready for Sunday, which is one of the weakest pay per views in a long time. Flair vs. Shawn sounds good but the rest is a messy combination of boring, uninteresting and bad with most of the matches barely registering. Hopefully things pick up as we start inching towards Summerslam but my goodness that sounds like a long way off.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Updated History of the Intercontinental Title in E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Survivor Series 2003
Date: November 16, 2003
Location: American Airlines Center, Dallas, Texas
Attendance: 13,487
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

This is the first of two redos that I’ll be doing for the year. It’s an interesting time for WWE and Raw in particular as there are two General Managers for the same show. While that sounds like a dream come true for WWE, it needs to be changed tonight. Therefore we have Steve Austin’s team vs. Eric Bischoff’s team, winner take all. That’s not the main event of course because we’ve got HHH! Let’s get to it.

The opening video asks if you have what it takes to survive. I know I usually make fun of this but it’s something that fits the simple idea of the show. Why mess with something that works this well? It also gives the Smackdown Survivor Series match some focus and doesn’t put the whole thing on the less interesting matches.

Team Angle vs. Team Lesnar

Kurt Angle, John Cena, Chris Benoit, Hardcore Holly, Bradshaw

Brock Lesnar, A-Train, Matt Morgan, Big Show, Nathan Jones

Holly is here due to Lesnar breaking his neck over a year ago. Lesnar’s partners are just hired guns. Show is US Champion, which he almost never defended. Brock is WWE Champion (Smackdown) so everyone wants to fight him for obvious reasons. Morgan is an unknown and Jones never was any good.

Cena rhymes a bit before the match, saying he’s the fetus and everyone else is afterbirth. Can we stick with Dallas is the place to be and John Cena is the man to beat please? He doesn’t need a stable, but he might want to trade his partners in for a one night stand with Sable. Brock might have something to say about that but as for Big Show, Cena is like a big whistle. I’ll let you figure out the punchline. So he wants Sable and Big Show? That’s….uh interesting.

Before we get to the match, I wish they would get rid of the sound effect they use for the name graphics. It sounds like metal creaking and is already annoying. Holly goes after Lesnar before the bell and sends him into the steps. A referee gets shoved down and Holly is disqualified before the match even starts. In the ring, A-Train misses a charge in the corner and eats Bradshaw’s Clothesline for another elimination but Big Show chokeslams Bradshaw for the third elimination in less than a minute.

Cena can’t FU Big Show and it’s off to Lesnar for what would be a very different (and better) match later. John pounds Brock down in the corner and gets two off a rollup until Brock sends Cena flying. It’s off to Morgan as the announcers are talking about the Cruiserweight Title for no apparent reason. Morgan’s sidewalk slam has Cena in more trouble and it’s off to Jones, who is finally allowed to appear on live pay per view. Cena finally scores with the Throwback (I miss that move) on Lesnar and it’s off to Benoit.

Lesnar gets pounded into the corner as Benoit always looked awesome against Brock. A big clothesline puts Benoit down and it’s off to Big Show for a gorilla press, who talks trash to Angle while holding Benoit in the air. The chokeslam is countered into the Crossface (I’ve always loved that counter) but Brock is right there to break it up. We hit the abdominal stretch with Show’s back to the camera (that’s probably a fine today) and you can’t actually see most of Benoit. I never get used to how big Show really is.

The standing legdrop gets two for Show and the big brawl breaks out on the floor. Morgan comes in and gets dropkicked in the leg and face, finally allowing for the hot tag to Angle. We’re already at the rolling Germans so it’s off to Lesnar who gets suplexed as well. Everything breaks down and the Angle Slam eliminates Morgan to tie it up. Show gets dumped to the floor and the ankle lock gets rid of Jones, only to have an F5 do the same to Angle. So after three more eliminations in less than a minute, we have Lesnar/Big Show vs. Cena/Benoit.

Lesnar misses a charge at Benoit and hits the post so Benoit goes right after the arm. The F5 is quickly countered into the Crossface and Cena is smart enough to knock Show off the apron but Brock gets his feet into the ropes. Another Crossface actually makes Lesnar tap clean, leaving Big Show alone 2-1. The YOU TAPPED OUT chants begin and Benoit takes Show down with a top rope shoulder. The Crossface is knocked away but Cena nails Show with the chain, setting up the FU for the pin and the victory, planting seeds for Wrestlemania in the process.

Rating: C-. I always liked the idea of this match on paper but it really didn’t work in execution as it needed another ten minutes or so. There were two stretches here that added up to six eliminations in about two minutes. They went through this way too fast which is probably due to time, but a World Champion’s match shouldn’t be cut for time. Just too fast here.

Benoit and Cena shake hands after having issues for weeks.

Vince comes in to see Shane and points out that it’s father and son vs. brothers tonight in separate matches. The only thing Shane feels is sorry for Vince, who faces Undertaker later. Vince leaves and runs into Austin. They start chuckling and then laughing but Austin gets serious really fast and walks away. Nothing was said and JR and King are confused as well.

Women’s Title: Molly Holly vs. Lita

Lita is freshly back from her year and a half off with the broken neck and this is her first title shot. I’ll give you two guesses as to who the fans are behind. Lita starts fast and suplexes Molly down, followed by a nice nipup. That’s not serious enough for Molly so she sends Lita crashing out to the floor. We hit a dragon sleeper on the challenger as Lawler can’t seem to bring himself to talk about Molly’s looks. To be fair, it really doesn’t feel right to try.

Back up and Lita hammers in some right hands but the comeback is short lived as a sidewalk slam gets two. Molly actually tries to talk some trash in the corner and gets powerbombed off the middle rope instead. The Litasault misses though and the Molly Go Round (top rope flipping seated senton) gets two. Frustrated, Molly loosens the middle turnbuckle and drop toeholds Lita into the steel to retain. No I didn’t skip anything. The referee either didn’t notice or didn’t car and it really is as sudden as it sounds.

Rating: D. Lita just wasn’t back yet and the match didn’t work as a result. Molly is really talented but the lack of charisma hurt her. At the end of the day, she’s the most innocent and kind woman the company had in years and for some reason they made her a heel. It never fit and this was a good example of why it didn’t.

We recap Kane vs. Shane McMahon. Kane was doing his annual monster thing and tombstoned Linda due to reasons of evil. That’s Kane’s evil, not Linda’s evil. Shane came back for his annual (popular theme here) wrestling run by trying to stop the monster. This leads us to an ambulance match here.

Kane vs. Shane McMahon

Ambulance match which means casket but with an ambulance instead. Shane goes after him to start but has to use a chair to knocks the steps into Kane’s face. They’re already loading up the announcers’ table and thank goodness for that. Would you want to imagine these two trying to do a regular match? Shane hits him in the head with a monitor and drops the sweet top rope elbow through the table. Kane sits up so let’s go into the crowd for a change.

They get to the back with Shane sneaking up on Kane with a kendo stick. Not a wrench or a pipe or something made of metal, but rather a wooden stick. He was an athlete, not a scholar. Shane puts him in a security booth and backs an SUV into Kane before calling in an ambulance on a walkie-talkie (where did that come from?). Also, would that count even if it’s not the designated ambulance? Wrestlemania XIV would seem to hold precedence here.

Kane comes back by throwing Shane into a wall and there goes the camera, drawing a lot of booing from the crowd. They’re right too as they paid for a live show and are watching most of this on a monitor but then they don’t even get to see all of it? I’ve never been a fan of going backstage for just that reason.

Back to the arena with Kane throwing him against the other ambulance. JR: “Like Shane was a cruiserweight.” Shane probably would be a cruiserweight actually, or at least really close. An ambulance door to the face slows Kane down (When all else fails, hit them with a door. It got Christian the Hardcore Title at Wrestlemania XVIII.) but he just blasts Shane in the face. He can only get one door shut with Shane inside though, allowing McMahon to come back with a DDT on the concrete.

Again, since Shane isn’t the brightest guy on the planet, he comes back with a trashcan. Not a heavy, thick object but rather a thin trashcan. He makes up for it a bit with a Coast to Coast off the top of the ambulance to drive the can into Kane’s face, landing on a box (which appeared to have a crashpad inside) in the process. Kane still gets an arm out of the ambulance door (that’s fine in this case as it took a long time for Shane to get him inside) and just throws Shane against the ambulance wall. A Tombstone on the concrete (no wonder Kane’s knees are shot) is enough to put Shane away.

Rating: D+. Well that happened. Some of the spots were good but Shane going for the cool looking stuff instead of the logical stuff like HIT HIM WITH A WRENCH really brought it down. It also doesn’t help that this got more time than the first match, because you want to push the boss’ son in a feud he has no business winning that went on for months. This really could have gone to someone else to give them a rub but Shane gets it instead. That’s not good and it got on a lot of wrestlers’ nerves back in the day.

The ambulance leaves with Shane inside.

Brock tells Josh Matthews (who looks like even more of a tool than he does now) that he didn’t tap out or lose because he’s not afraid of anyone. Goldberg comes up to shake his hands, planting the seeds for their, ahem, match at Wrestlemania.

Here’s the Coach in a neck brace to waste some time. Coach assures us that he’ll be back to health soon enough and not to worry about him. As he’s about to leave, Coach spots Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban in the front row. We get a quick interview where Cuban says he’s looking forward to Austin beating Bischoff. Being a Bischoff guy, Coach disagrees and asks Cuban about WWE referees vs. NBA referees (Cuban has a LONG history with NBA referees) so Mark says all referees suck.

This brings out Bischoff (JR: “What happened to Survivor Series?”) to say he’s in charge tonight. Cuban is in the ring with him now and Eric threatens to have him thrown out, but maybe Bischoff should just do it himself. Eric gets shoved down so here’s Randy Orton to lay Cuban out with an RKO. They would actually revisit this SIX YEARS LATER when Cuban guest hosted Raw and screwed Orton out of a match. Again: the opening match with the World Champion gets thirteen match, Shane vs. Kane gets a little more and this gets about six.

Evolution is having a party with some good looking women. They make a toast to HHH getting the title back (from Goldberg) when Orton comes in. Orton: “Guys listen…..whoa.” They’re proud of him for laying out Cuban (why?) and he promises to take out Austin as well. Evolution will drink to that.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Basham Brothers vs. Los Guerreros

The Bashams, with He-Man chest pieces, are defending and have Shaniqua with them. My goodness what happened to the Bashams? They spent FOREVER in developmental and were just another tag team on the main roster. It’s a brawl to start with Danny (partner of Doug) being sent to the floor but both of them have to save Shaniqua. I’m not sure why as she was one of the most worthless managers and performers of all time.

Eddie starts with Three Amigos to Danny before it’s off to Chavo for two off a basement dropkick. Back to Eddie who is sent to the floor and beaten up by Shaniqua. Danny puts on a reverse chinlock as this is just a Raw match. Yeah they’re all on Smackdown but Smackdown was a lot better than this. Chavo comes back in with dropkicks and a bad looking tilt-a-whirl slam for two on Doug.

Eddie saves his nephew from a middle rope spinebuster and Chavo adds a running hilo for two. Chavo and Doug clothesline each other and Shaniqua lets us have some Twin Magic. Even in 2003 I can’t get away from the Bellas. Shaniqua takes a frog splash but Chavo accidentally kicks Eddie on a tornado DDT, letting Danny roll Chavo up and grab the tights to retain.

Rating: D+. Just a TV match here which isn’t enough when you’re on one of the biggest pay per views of the year. The problem here is this was meant to set up stuff in the future (Chavo vs. Eddie) instead of being about the titles. That’s fine (see Royal Rumble 1994) down the road but it doesn’t make for a good match here. The Bashams had no personality and it’s a big reason why they weren’t going to make it like this. It’s a major problem of this era and the modern era still: finding something that works in developmental and scrapping it when they get to the main roster, making most of the developmental time a waste.

Lawler and JR preview the elimination tag and tell us that Shane is getting ready for a CAT scan.

We recap Team Austin vs. Team Bischoff, which is all about controlling Raw. Austin isn’t allowed to touch anyone unless physically provoked which drove him crazy. He also doesn’t trust anyone but he’s been forced to trust five men tonight though because this is it. Bischoff had fired him as a wrestler but Austin was brought back as co-GM which caused a bunch of friction, setting up this match. If Austin wins tonight, he has full power and can fight whenever he wants.

Team Austin vs. Team Bischoff

Austin: Shawn Michaels, Rob Van Dam, Booker T., Dudley Boyz

Bischoff: Chris Jericho, Christian, Randy Orton, Scott Steiner, Mark Henry

Steiner has Stacy Keibler against her will as part of a very uncomfortable story. The Dudleyz are the Raw Tag Team Champions and Van Dam is Intercontinental Champion. Christian and D-Von get things going, which seems appropriate for old times’ sake. That goes nowhere so it’s off to Van Dam who gets tow off a quick kick. Jericho comes in and gets shouldered and suplexed for two.

Steiner gets the tag and eats a boot to the face, only to throw Van Dam with a suplex to take over. A little crotching on the top makes it even worse as we’re firmly in the early stages still, meaning that this didn’t fall to the curse of “what else can we give the time to?”. Booker comes in but gets run over as well with the bicep elbow drop getting two. JR just has to bring up the three mini kings from 1994 because that story NEVER gets old.

Booker nails a quick scissors kick and a Spinarooni as everything breaks down. A low blow stops Booker and Steiner puts on the absolute worst camel clutch I’ve ever seen. Stacy gets on the apron to play cheerleader for Booker so Steiner breaks the hold. The reverse 3D plants Scott and the Book End is good for the first elimination. Never mind the lead though as the World’s Strongest Slam (I didn’t realize he had been using it that long) from Henry ties it up thirty seconds later.

Bubba comes in with some hard shots to the jaw but Henry runs him over Vader style. D-Von tries to help his brother, only to be slammed face first into him by Henry’s insane power. Speaking of power, the Dudleyz come back with 3D followed by a Five Star (the ECW Special?) to get rid of Mark. Jericho is in next but Van Dam head fakes him to set up a split legged moonsault for two.

It’s off to Orton for the first time and he blasts Van Dam with a big clothesline. I can never get over seeing Orton looking human or having hair. That’s one of the most jarring physical transformations I’ve ever seen in wrestling and it always strikes me. Like a viper. Van Dam kicks him in the face but Jericho shoves Rob off the top, setting up the RKO to tie it up again.

The fans want tables but have to settle for D-Von getting two off a headbutt. Jericho comes back in for two off a dropkick, followed by a quick Flashback (sleeper drop) to get rid of D-Von. It’s Shawn/Bubba vs. Christian/Jericho/Orton and Shawn gets his first tag to fire the crowd up again. Jericho is quickly sent running over for a tag to Orton who has a lot more luck with some forearms to the chest.

Back to Bubba who cleans house on all three until Jericho breaks up a Bubba Bomb with a low blow, setting up an Unprettier to leave Shawn down 3-1. Christian is up first and Shawn hammers away with right hands, only to be low bridged out to the floor by the other Canadian. The slow beatdown begins and Jericho cuts off the comeback again, allowing Christian to catapult him into the post. JR gets in his “local basketball team here” dribbling a ball line. Shawn is busted and you know the shaky legs are coming soon.

Christian does the signature Shawn pose and punches away, only to charge right into Sweet Chin Music to make it 2-1. That’s where Shawn is at his best: looking dead on his feet with his back against the wall and throwing superkicks because it’s all he’s got left. Oh and bleeding normally helps. Jericho comes in for some right hands before it’s back to Orton who grabs a belly to back suplex.

The heels start making some faster tags but Jericho dives into a kick to the ribs and a DDT. Lawler: “I want to believe. I’m trying to believe.” Shawn sends Orton to the floor and blocks the Lionsault with knees. Jericho is up first though and tries the Walls, only to get small packaged to tie it up. Lawler: “I BELIEVE!” Before he leaves though, Jericho blasts Shawn in the head with a chair. Shouldn’t that be a DQ on Orton as it’s interference when it’s down to one on one?

Orton comes back in with a high cross body but Shawn collapses to send Orton crashing into the referee. You can actually feel the drama here, even with JR being borderline obnoxious with the cheering for Austin. The VERY bloody Shawn tunes up the band but Bischoff kicks him down. That’s enough for Steve and the beating is on, including a Stunner to Orton. Austin and Batista head to the back and here’s Batista to powerbomb Shawn, giving Orton the final pin. And yes, you’re supposed to believe that the referee saw or heard NONE of this.

Rating: B+. This took its time to get going but once they handed it over to Shawn, it was all gravy. There’s no one better at making the impossible comeback than Shawn Michaels and this was one of the better ones he’s ever done. There was really no way you could have Austin’s guys win here but they did a GREAT job of making you think that his team could pull it off. That’s really impressive stuff and the match was great drama with the action backing it up.

Shawn gets up in the big serious moment and says he let Austin down. Steve doesn’t accept that and hugs him anyway as JR is being all serious, which actually works here. Austin isn’t done though and comes back to the ring after walking Shawn to the back. He talks about his career starting in Dallas in 1989 and if it has to end, he’s glad it ended here. Cue Coach with the cops, singing Goodbye. I think you get the drill here: he has nothing to lose so the beating is on. Naturally beer is consumed, just like it would be again when he was back in December.

We recap Undertaker vs. Vince McMahon. Undertaker had been feuding with Vince’s handpicked champion Brock Lesnar so Undertaker was never going to be allowed to be near the title again. One night, Undertaker won a match granting him any match he wanted at Survivor Series. He picked Buried Alive, which Vince gladly agreed to because Brock would destroy him again. Undertaker meant Vince of course and the match was made. Undertaker is promising to bury Vince once and for all tonight. I’m sure.

Undertaker vs. Vince McMahon

Buried Alive if that’s not clear. Tazz even has keys to victory. #3: AVOID THE HOLE! That’s good advice in so many areas of life. I miss Undertaker’s You’re Gonna Pay song. Vince has recently been saying a higher power will protect him in this match. So he’s protecting himself? Undertaker starts punching early on and SWEET GOODNESS Vince is gushing. The beating continues with Vince getting crotched against the post. Totally one sided as you would expect so far.

Undertaker chokes with a camera cord as payback for Vince threatening to have Undertaker’s wife raped and his home blown up. Yep that happened. One heck of a monitor shot knocks Vince over the table and an even bigger shot with a shovel has Vince in a heap on the floor. Undertaker crushes the ankle with the steps as there are LARGE red puddles underneath Vince’s head. That’s one of the deepest blade jobs I’ve ever seen.

Undertaker finally carries him to the grave but a low blow FINALLY gives Vince a breather and his first offense. A shovel to the chest puts Undertaker in the grave but he comes right back and throws Vince in instead. He goes to get in the bulldozer but the cab explodes. Cue Kane to knock Undertaker into the grave. Vince is sent to the bulldozer and Undertaker is buried.

Rating: C+. The match sucked but some of those shots to the head and that SICK blade job more than carries it up. This was a violent mess and that’s exactly what it needed to be, especially with the ending designed to get us back to the Dead Man. That being said, WHY DID UNDERTAKER KEEP AGREEING TO THESE MATCHES??? HE NEVER WON IT ONCE! Bad match, GREAT violence and blood.

We recap Goldberg vs. HHH. After losing to him over and over, HHH issued a $100,000 bounty because he thought he was Harley Race in modern times (look up Starrcade 1983). Batista returned from injury and claimed the bounty by breaking Goldberg’s ankle. Tonight is HHH’s rematch and Goldberg can barely walk coming in. This gets the music video treatment even though there’s really not enough of a story to warrant it.

Raw World Title Goldberg vs. HHH

Goldberg is defending (doesn’t that mean Batista didn’t take him out?) and HHH is looking WAY less developed than usual. He had a groin injury around this time but did it really mess him up that badly? Like, it’s WEIRD to see him looking like this. They slug it out before the bell and the spear connects but Goldberg has to beat up Flair. Ric is clotheslined to the floor and the bell actually rings. Even Lawler thinks waiting that long is pretty stupid.

After a quick trip to the floor it’s back inside with Goldberg scoring off a powerslam. The leg goes out though and HHH starts in on it, including throwing him outside for some cheap shots from Goldberg. Back in and HHH drops an elbow onto the leg, followed by a lot of stomping to put the champion on the floor. Say it with me: and Flair gets in some shots too.

There’s a half crab with Goldberg grabbing the ring skirt but for some reason that’s not enough to break the hold, giving us JR’s sarcastic voice. Goldberg pulls him face first into the post and puts both guys down with a clothesline. It’s HHH up first but the Figure Four is broken up, meaning we get a ref bump. Oh good as I was worried we might not have one.

Flair throws in some brass knuckles to knock Goldberg silly for two. HHH knocks the referee down again and it’s sledgehammer time. Goldberg takes it away and hits Flair in the ribs, knocks out the invading Orton and Batista and breaks up a Pedigree attempt. The spear and Jackhammer connect to retain the title.

Rating: D. HHH sucked in 2003. I can barely remember a single good match he had in the year (and yes I know there are a few here and there) but the big ones were bad on top of bad on top of bad. It’s the same formula no matter what and feels like it’s never going to end. All that aside, what was up with his physique here? Go check this out. It’s like someone went back to 1995 and inflated him. Bad match here, as you would expect.

Overall Rating: D. This show feels like they put the card together but never bothered to put the show in order. It would have been much better, and made WAY more sense, to have the Austin vs. Bischoff match go on last as it’s implied to be Austin’s final appearance, which is a lot more important than your run of the mill title defense. The rest of the show is pretty much just there, ranging from bad to dull. Swapping the card wouldn’t have fixed it entirely but it would have made for a much more entertaining night instead of wanting to know what else we had to sit through.

Ratings Comparison

Team Angle vs. Team Lesnar

Original: B-

2012 Redo: C

2015 Redo: C-

Molly Holly vs. Lita

Original: D+

2012 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D

Kane vs. Shane McMahon

Original: D+

2012 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D+

Basham Brothers vs. Los Guerreros

Original: D

2012 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D+

Team Bischoff vs. Team Austin

Original: A-

2012 Redo: B

2015 Redo: B+

Vince McMahon vs. Undertaker

Original: D

2012 Redo: D

2015 Redo: C+

Goldberg vs. HHH

Original: D-

2012 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: C-

2012 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D

One step down every year.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/12/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-2003-austin-vs-bischoff/

And the original redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2012/11/09/survivor-series-count-up-2012-edition-2003-austins-retiring-forever-and-doesnt-close-the-show/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Updated History of the Intercontinental Title in E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/10/02/new-paperback-kbs-history-of-the-intercontinental-title-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

 

Smackdown
Date: June 5, 2003
Location: Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

This week is almost all about Kurt Angle, who is back from the rather ridiculous two months off after having another major neck injury. To be fair, he’s long been established as a crazy man anyway so it’s not like this is out of character. As for an actual match, Rey Mysterio is challenging Matt Hardy for the Cruiserweight Title. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Here are Roddy Piper and Sean O’Haire to get things going in Piper’s Pit. There’s a legend in the back named Zack Gowan, who has fought against all the odds to get here. Piper makes fun of Gowan by calling him special over and over again. Instead it’s Vince McMahon power walking to the ring. Vince has been blinded by his hatred for Mr. America and Hulk Hogan, which is why he wants to make things right. It’s time to congratulate a great American success story like Gowan. Therefore, Gowan will have the chance to earn a contract.

Cue Gowan, albeit flanked by Mr. America. Vince isn’t pleased again and accused Hogan of faking the lie detector test last week. As for Gowan, he has the chance to get his contract next week, in an arm wrestling contest against Vince. America insults Vince a bit more as this takes longer than it needs to. Vince shoves Gowan down and gloats a lot.

We get a great Kurt Angle moment in Milk-A-Mania. Eh yeah that worked.

Undertaker vs. Chuck Palumbo

Yes this is still going. Palumbo headlocks him to start and actually shoulders Undertaker down. Undertaker is right back up with a leapfrog of all things and Old School connects (on the second attempt that is). An FBI distraction lets Palumbo get in a spinebuster to take over and a running right hand knocks Undertaker outside for the cheap shots. Back in and Undertaker grabs a suplex for a breather but Palumbo knocks him right back into the corner. You don’t see Undertaker sell this much in a match like this…and as I say this he hits the chokeslam for the pin.

Rating: D+. Palumbo got in some offense here but it wasn’t exactly a thrilling match. I’m still waiting on the FBI to go away though as they don’t have anything special for a gimmick and it’s not like there’s a star for the team. I have no idea why Undertaker is stuck with them, but at least WWE isn’t wasting any potential big stars on him.

Post match the FBI goes after Undertaker but is dispatched in short order.

Rey Mysterio’s family is in the front row for his title shot later tonight.

Quick look at Big Show laying out Brock Lesnar last week.

Show vs. Lesnar for the title next week. At least it’s not on pay per view.

We get a video tribute to Freddie Blassie, who passed away earlier in the week. This is edited off the Network version due to music issues, though an RIP graphic is there so it’s better than nothing.

Eddie Guerrero/Tajiri vs. Basham Brothers

Non-title. Tajiri takes him Doug down with some armdrags to start and Eddie chases him into the corner for the first tag. That’s fine with Eddie who rolls some suplexes but Doug breaks up the frog splash. Again, it doesn’t seem to bother Eddie who wristdrags Doug and headscissors Danny at the same time. We hear about Team Angle calling in sick tonight as Doug gets in a suplex of his own for two on Eddie.

Another suplex gets Eddie out of trouble and it’s off to Tajiri for a superkick. A DDT gives Tajiri two on Danny and we hit the Tarantula (with Tajiri crossing Danny’s legs instead of pulling back like a Boston crab). With the referee trying to break it up, Eddie adds a frog splash to Doug’s back, setting up the Buzzsaw Kick for the pin.

Rating: C+. The more I see of Eddie and Tajiri together, the more I like them. Tajiri is always smooth in the ring and that’s what makes them work so well. Eddie can do all the talking and technical stuff while Tajiri can come in and kick people really, really hard. That’s quite the combination. I’m not sure what the point is in having the Bashams come in and lose like this after a single win over the makeshift team of Rikishi and Spanky.

Another great Angle moment: singing songs with Austin while playing ukulele.

Here’s Angle, to quite the face reaction. He says it feels great to hear people tell him that he sucks so PLAY THAT MUSIC AGAIN! Angle is so overwhelmed that he lays on the mat listening to the chants. Things settle down a bit and Angle talks about wanting to be the World Champion again. As for his recovery though, there was one person who came to see him in the hospital and became a true friend. That person….will be named later as here’s Big Show to interrupt.

Show doesn’t care that Angle is back because Angle hasn’t earned his respect yet. Show gets right in Angle’s face and says if Angle wants to be champion again, he can come face Show after he wins the title next week. Angle better pray that doesn’t happen though because Angle won’t come out of the hospital again. Kurt pulls out some breaths strips and reminds Show that he took the title from him back in December. Oh and he won a gold medal with a broken freaking neck.

Angle does a quick fan poll on whether they want to see him beat Big Show up tonight, asking for a YOU SUCK. Cue Lesnar so Show bails, leaving Angle to say he could have handled that himself. Angle says Show has been getting the better of Lesnar as of late (Huh?) and thinks Brock is losing the title next week. Lesnar promises to keep the title and offers Angle a shot down the road. That sounds good to Kurt, but he’s glad Lesnar came out here. It was Brock who was visiting him in the hospital and being a friend. That means a big best friends hug and we have the latest version of the mega powers.

Ultimo Dragon is coming.

John Cena vs. Chris Benoit

Before the match, Cena rips on the cruiserweight division and thinks they don’t deserve any air time. We even get a Lord Littlebrook reference, making this even more awesome than usual. Benoit goes straight at him to start and drops Cena with a hard shoulder. Cena’s charge in the corner misses and Benoit easily takes him down into a failed Crossface attempt.

They head outside where Benoit gets posted and it’s off to a chinlock. Benoit pops back up and elbows Cena in the face before countering the FU into a DDT. The Swan Dive gets two but the ref gets bumped. That really doesn’t need to happen in a match that hasn’t run three minutes yet. Cena gets in a low blow but here’s Rhyno to take the chain away. Unfortunately he hits Benoit in the head by mistake, giving Cena the easy pin.

Rating: D+. Not enough time to do anything here but it was more about setting up the Benoit/Rhyno split anyway. That being said, it’s not like Rhyno and Benoit are guys in need of a big time split in the first place. It’s also not like the division is deep enough to be burning off teams, but why let that get in your way?

Jamie Noble/Nidia vs. Torrie Wilson/Rikishi

The guys take turns twirling their partners around before we’re ready to go. Nidia slaps Rikishi so he shoves her down, which Cole says she deserved. Torrie shows off her ability to do some not great armdrags before sending her into the corner. It’s off to Rikishi for a Stinkface attempt but Noble comes in instead.

Rikishi misses a sitdown splash but knocks Noble around without too much trouble. Nidia is brought back in to face Torrie, meaning the announcers get to talk about her outfit. Some bad clotheslines set up a high crossbody for two on Nidia but Noble trips Torrie. That earns Noble a superkick and Nidia a Stinkface as this is still all about Rikishi. Torrie finishes with a neckbreaker.

Rating: D-. Total filler here and mainly a way to look at Torrie for a few minutes. I’ve heard worse ideas but it’s getting annoying having to watch her horrible matches while acting like she’s something great. Throw in the WAY too strong support for Rikishi and it’s not my favorite time of the show.

Rey says he’s healthy and ready to take the title. Eddie comes in and gives him a pep talk.

We recap the opening segment.

Vince is in Stephanie’s office where she asks what’s up with him lately. She threatens to give Gowan a contract anyway, but Vince promises to fire her if that happens. Yet he didn’t do that for Mr. America? Why not make it one of those Iron Clad contracts then? Anyway, Vince brings in his new assistant: Sable, who has seemingly forgotten the whole Torrie angle.

Stephanie brings up Sable’s lawsuits against the company (which I don’t believe has been acknowledged before) and suggests that Vince is only looking at Sable’s body. After Stephanie’s Stating the Obvious Segment of the Week, Vince says she’s just jealous of Sable’s looks.

Cruiserweight Title: Matt Hardy vs. Rey Mysterio

Matt, who is taller than Rey Mysterio and despises traffic, is defending with Crash and Shannon Moore in his corner. We get the staredown and my goodness it’s weird to see Matt towering over someone. Matt works on a wristlock to start as we hear about various people holding the title over the years. You mean like Mysterio?

Rey gets bent around the ropes but comes right back with a slingshot dropkick through said ropes. A springboard is broken up with a forearm though and the goons get in their shots. The referee finally wakes up and we have a double ejection, which should make things a little bit better. The disgruntled Matt gets taken down by a springboard seated senton and we take a break. Back with Rey escaping Splash Mountain but getting caught by a low blow. Eh it worked for Cena so it can work for Matt.

The champ starts in on the recently injured groin (well, hamstring in this case) as Rey’s family is starting to panic. We hit a half crab for a bit until Rey dives for the ropes. He can’t run for the 619 though and gets taken into the corner to continue the beating. The Tree of Woe goes badly for Matt as his charge hits the post, followed by a spinning DDT for two on the champ. Rey heads up top but gets pulled down with a super Side Effect, which isn’t as impressive of a crash as you would have expected.

Back up and Rey grabs a Twist of Fate of his own before hobbling into a 619. They fall out to the floor though with Matt slowly remember what planet he’s on. The referee checks on Matt though, allowing Shannon and Crash to run back in for a double reverse suplex drop. The top rope legdrop gives Matt a close two. Hardy is livid and it’s a quick rollup to give Rey the pin and the title.

Rating: B. Good enough here, but it certainly didn’t feel like a cruiserweight match. Instead this came off like a regular heavyweight match which happened to have Mysterio involved. Not that Mysterio and Hardy can’t work that style, but if they can wrestle the regular style, what’s the point in having then in the cruiserweight division? Oh right: there’s no midcard title.

Rey’s family comes in to celebrate to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Better show than usual here, partially due to having the main event focused on ANYTHING other than the Mr. America nonsense. Mysterio winning the title felt like a big deal and Angle coming back was cool, though the bottom half of the card continues to feel completely unimportant. Good enough show though and miles better than anything Raw has produced in a very long time.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Updated History of the Intercontinental Title in E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/10/02/new-paperback-kbs-history-of-the-intercontinental-title-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: June 2, 2003
Location: San Diego Sports Arena, San Diego, California
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

We’re less than two weeks away from Bad Blood and things are looking more and more dismal every single week. Things just aren’t interesting around here and there’s no reason to suggest that’s going to change. The big story continues to be Kevin Nash vs. HHH for the World Title and that’s what we’re stuck with no matter what. Let’s get to it.

Rock, here for the Highlight Reel, arrives and talks about being here for the people, turning himself face again. Since the fans never wanted to boo him in the first place, it’s not the most difficult turn in the world.

Opening sequence.

Trish Stratus/Ivory/Jacqueline vs. Jazz/Victoria/Molly Holly

Molly still has a job? It’s a good thing she does as the dark hair is quite the look for her. It’s a brawl to start with Victoria forearming Trish and choking her up against the rope. The Matrish causes Victoria to clothesline Molly by mistake and Ivory dives onto Molly and Victoria in a big crash.

The double chickenwing faceplant drops Trish again though and we hit a camel clutch/Boston crab combo for a heck of a visual. King: “That was arousing.” Trish grabs a neckbreaker on Jazz and brings Jackie in to no reaction at all. Ivory comes back in with a high crossbody for two on Jazz as everything breaks down. An X-Factor gives Ivory the pin on Jazz.

Rating: D+. They were trying here but they couldn’t get over the complete lack of interest from the crowd. Jackie and Ivory haven’t been interesting in the better part of ever and throwing them into the title hunt isn’t going to do anything. They need someone new in a hurry as Trish, Victoria and Jazz have been done to death at this point.

Goldberg arrives.

JR has a cookbook. It’s title: JR’s Cookbook. You can vote on WWE.com if you think it’s going to be a best seller or a flop.

Stacy Keibler finally dumps Test but they’re contractually obligated to stay together. Does anyone really buy Test saying “contractually obligated” in day to day talking?

Hurricane comes out for a match but Randy Orton jumps him from behind. Cue HHH and Ric Flair as Orton throws Hurricane through the entrance. Flair is honored that he was Shawn’s boyhood hero but Flair has seen hundreds of Shawn’s come and go. Flair takes off the jacket and rants about how Shawn hasn’t spent $30 million, made love to 3,000 women and wrestled 350 matches a year. To be the man you have to beat the man and HHH beat the man. Uh, didn’t HHH beat Shawn to win that title?

Anyway Flair lays down and prostrates himself in front of HHH before saying HHH makes women scream very loudly. After HHH beats Nash down, Flair is going to take care of Shawn (So HHH won’t be main eventing?) and they’re getting in a limousine full of women. Cue Shawn to say he owes a lot to Flair but he’s not the little boy sitting in front of the TV watching Flair every week.

Shawn has wrestled 300 nights a year (Flair said 350) and doesn’t need to brag about women. His wrestling does the talking and he took the torch from Flair. When Ric realized he couldn’t make it here, Shawn took the title and showed the world that he was the standard in wrestling.

There’s so much wrong with that timeline that I’m not even going to bother explaining it so we’ll move on to Shawn being awesome in the ring. Flair freaks out again as Shawn promises to take him to school at Bad Blood. HHH wants to fight right now but here’s Nash to even the odds a bit. Hurricane sneaks in and hits Orton with a chair so the good guys can stand tall. Flair and Shawn’s stuff was outstanding here and the other stuff was nowhere near bad enough to drag it down.

Scott Steiner vs. Steven Richards

Steiner has Stacy with him but Richards doesn’t have Victoria. Test comes out as well and the distraction lets Richards get in a cheap shot from behind. Scott slugs away in the corner and there’s a belly to belly. The Flatliner ends Richards in short order.

Post match Eric Bischoff comes out and makes Test vs. Steiner for Stacy’s managerial services at Bad Blood. So Bischoff’s rulings can override contracts? Why do I have a feeling that’s not going to be used again when Bischoff would benefit from it?

We get some breaking news that Freddie Blassie has passed away.

The bosses are in their office and Austin makes Evolution vs. Michaels/Nash/Hurricane for tonight’s main event. As for Bad Blood, they agree to a Redneck Triathlon.

Goldberg is in the back for an interview but we see Jericho throwing paint on the car. That’s on Goldberg for leaving it out in the open like that. Goldberg runs out, gets in the car (which was already running) and gives chase.

It’s time for the Highlight Reel with Christian guest hosting. Therefore, tonight is the Peep Show and the first guest is the Rock. We get the full entrance and Rock loads up FINALLY but Christian cuts him off and does it himself. Christian says he’s the new people’s champion and on fire. Rock: “YOU ARE ON CRACK!” Rock doesn’t want to hear that and says Christian’s daddy is a ho. Christian: “He’s a pediatrician!”

Christian talks about how awesome he is but Rock wants to talk directly to the people. He actually goes into the crowd, asks some fans who the real People’s Champ is and loads up the catchphrase but Jericho returns to cut him off. Jericho says he isn’t getting speared on Sunday so he asks Rock what it feels like.

Rock calls out some fans for saying he sucks, saying that he gets more pie in a day than they get in a lifetime. Well true probably. The spear hurts, which is all Jericho wanted to know from the pie boy. Christian jumps him from behind but it’s Booker making the save. House is cleaned in a hurry and we get a People’s Elbow from Booker. We’re not done yet though as Rock even busts out a Rockarooni. This was WAY longer than it needed to be, especially with only the Rock vs. Christian stuff being funny.

Post break, Christian and Jericho try to leave but Austin says they’re not going anywhere yet.

Kane vs. Rene Dupree

Kane slugs away in the corner as Lawler recaps recent events between France and the USA with JR running down the French military. Sylvan Grenier distracts Kane and Dupree gets in a kick to the face. That just earns him a side slam but Van Dam kicks Grenier down. Van Dam gets knocked down so Kane goes after Grenier instead, allowing Rene to hit a low blow for the rollup pin. This was pretty bad as Kane looked way off.

Post match here’s a ticked off Austin to tell Van Dam to head to the back. Austin wants to know what’s up with Kane as of late. He’s been watching the last few weeks and Kane is missing everything. Where’s the fire? Does Kane even want this anymore? That’s all it takes to beat him these days?

Austin was waiting on the big chokeslam but now he has to come out here and tick Kane off. He spins Kane around and smacks him in the face before even putting Kane’s hand around his throat. Kane backs away from the chokeslam though, sending Austin into a rant about the old Kane who beat him for the WWF World Title. Austin loads up another chokeslam on himself but Kane lets him go again.

A slap to the face seems to fire Kane up as he grabs Austin by the throat (Austin: “DO IT! DO IT!”) but Kane lets him go for a third time. That’s finally enough for Austin who lays Kane out with a Stunner. This is how one of the CHAMPIONS is treated on the show. I have no idea what they were going for here but unless Kane was in backstage trouble (which would be way out of character for him), this was a really bad idea and a big waste of time.

We get a Matrix style video as Gail Kim is coming. Works for me.

A smiling HHH leaves the referee’s locker room. Post break, HHH tells Evolution that he has a plan that could get him out of the Cell match.

Booker T./Goldust vs. Christian/Chris Jericho

Booker clotheslines Christian to start and gets two off a slam. We take a way too early break and come back with Jericho cranking on Booker’s arms. Christian comes in but let’s talk about Goldust wanting to get breast implants back in the day. Booker flapjacks his way to freedom and it’s off to Goldust to clean house with some right hands and an atomic drop.

Everything breaks down and Christian gets caught in the corner, only to have Jericho save him from Shattered Dreams. A blind tag brings in Booker for a side kick but Christian rolls him up for two despite grabbing the rope. Canadian miscommunication sets up the ax kick though, giving Booker the pin on Christian.

Rating: D+. This was little more than a way to set up Booker vs. Christian at the pay per view and there’s nothing wrong with that. It might not have been a great match or anything but after Austin berating Kane and the way too long Rock segment, I’ll take whatever I can get at this point.

Post match Jericho hits Booker with the Intercontinental Title but Goldberg runs out, only to spear the referee by mistake.

The referees come to see Austin and Bischoff, saying they won’t referee the Cell match because it’s too dangerous. Austin has an idea because he knows someone crazy enough to referee the match. Fans: “FOLEY! FOLEY! FOLEY!”

Evolution vs. Shawn Michaels/The Hurricane/Kevin Nash

Orton and Shawn (in a hat and shirt for some reason) start things off with Shawn headlocking him down and taking off the extra gear. Hurricane comes in and does Shawn’s pose as the arena is rather full of pyro smoke. A clothesline gives Hurricane two but he gets caught by Orton’s still sweet dropkick. HHH, in purple this week, comes in and beats on Hurricane as the announcers praise Nash.

It’s off to Shawn to start on HHH’s arm but Flair sneaks in a chop block to take over. Orton stays on the leg as things slow down. Unfortunately the crowd doesn’t die down, as they’re already eerily silent. The villains take turns on the leg, including Flair’s shinbreaker into the Figure Four. Nash makes the save though and Shawn gets in an enziguri for the real break. It’s off to Orton vs. Nash (which actually doesn’t sound like the worst match in the world) but Kevin gets his hands on HHH a few seconds later. Flair is busted open (From what????) and Nash takes down the strap, only to have Flair save HHH from a Jackknife.

Hurricane hits Orton with a high crossbody and the Shining Wizard gets a weird two (it looked like Hebner’s count brushed against Orton’s shoulder). HHH comes back in with a Pedigree to Hurricane to give Orton…I’m not sure what to call it actually. Hebner counts two, stops like he’s checking if Hurricane’s shoulder is on the mat (it clearly was) and calls for the pin without counting three. Hurricane clearly lifts his head to see what’s going on during Hebner getting up as the fans are really confused/annoyed.

Rating: D. I’m still trying to figure out that ending. Hurricane was obviously just there to take the fall and could have been almost any given midcarder. Losing to the World Champion in a six man tag is hardly career death though and it’s not that big of a deal. What is a big deal though is Nash main eventing the upcoming pay per view, which is somehow losing the non-interest it already had.

To calm the fans down, Nash Jackknifes HHH to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. And that’s ONLY passing because Rock/Christian and Shawn/Flair had some outstanding promos. Other than that, this show was nothing short of a mess as HHH vs. Nash continues to burst into flames as it bounces on the rocks beneath the cliff it flew off of last month. Between that and Austin Stunning Kane for whatever reason, I’m trying to figure out why I kept watching this show back in the day. Another terrible show here as their priorities get more and more out of whack every week.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Updated History of the Intercontinental Title in E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

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Smackdown
Date: May 29, 2003
Location: Pensacola Civic Center, Pensacola, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re closing out the month with…a lie detector test! Yeah that’s the big draw this week: Mr. America is being forced to take a lie detector test after losing to Sean O’Haire last week. Somehow this was probably viewed as a big win for O’Haire, even though he’s already coming off as little more than a detail less than a week later. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the Vince vs. America shenanigans setting up tonight’s lie detector test.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Sable to introduce the first match, but only after a quick shout out to….Tazz?

Torrie Wilson vs. Nidia

They’re never following up on Torrie kissing Sable are they? Before we get going, Zack Gowen is shown in the crowd. Torrie shoves Jamie Noble off the apron and chops away at Nidia to start, earning herself a knee to the ribs. Nidia grabs a suplex for two as they’ve already done more wrestling than I was expecting.

A shot to the knee has Torrie in trouble and Jamie shouts at Nidia to stay on her. The knee is slammed onto the apron and wrapped around the rope for good measure. Back in and they do the roll over the referee spot so the referee poses on the ropes. Jamie trips Torrie though, allowing Nidia to grab a rollup with tights for the pin.

Rating: D. This was their best way to open the show? I know it’s mainly for the visuals and I’d rather go with this than more of Vince vs. Hogan but they didn’t have any other options here? At least they got it out of the way I guess, but this really isn’t the best way to set the show off on a good foot.

Post match Tazz punches Jamie out and Torrie rips off Nidia’s shorts. Sable throws water at Tazz and bails to end this head scratch inducing segment.

Vince is annoyed that his limo driver has to move the limo out of a handicap zone. He orders said driver to stay right there because this shouldn’t take long.

Stephanie McMahon tests out the lie detector.

Team Angle wants to regain their titles in preparation for Kurt Angle’s return next week.

Eddie Guerrero has Tajiri in Guerrero gear and thinks he can feel some Latino Heat. Tajiri has even stolen his first car! He can even speak English too (which may be a first).

Tag Team Titles: Eddie Guerrero/Tajiri vs. Team Angle

Eddie and Tajiri are defending. Tajiri gets sent outside early on and it’s a double beating until Eddie elbows his way to freedom. A pop up dropkick puts Shelton down and it’s off to Tajiri for those hard kicks. Again: it’s a very simple style of action but he does it well enough to make it work.

Tajiri grabs a sunset flip and rolls Shelton around the ring to really dizzy him up. A double kick to the head gives us a double knockdown though and we take a break. Back with Shelton kicking the knee out (two matches in a row with knee work) to take over. Charlie comes in for a modified Indian Deathlock before it’s back to Shelton for a leglock of his own.

Eddie finally breaks up a half crab but the distraction just lets Shelton come back in sans tag. A headscissors finally gets Tajiri out of trouble and the hot tag brings in Eddie for a monkey flip. House is cleaned in a hurry and it’s time to roll some suplexes. The frog splash crushes Charlie with Shelton making the save. A double DDT takes Team Angle down and it’s the not as hot tag to Tajiri for kicks using the good leg.

Charlie reverses a tornado DDT into a northern lights suplex for two with Eddie making another save. Tajiri superkicks Charlie down and Eddie dives off the top onto Shelton. The Haas of Pain has Tajiri in trouble and the bell rings….because Eddie rang it himself. As the referee yells at the timekeeper, Eddie misses a belt shot. Charlie grabs the belt so Eddie drops to the mat, drawing a phantom DQ to retain the titles.

Rating: B+. I was digging the heck out of this one and the screwy finish was the best way they could have gone as it gives them a reason for another match. Tajiri is an upgrade over Chavo and plays a great partner to Eddie. The tease of a submission at the end worked very well and Eddie was feeling it here, which makes for a nearly instant classic.

Zack Gowen talks about wanting to live his dream but being here as a fan to watch the lie detector test.

The lie detector is set up in the middle of the ring and here’s Vince. McMahon recaps the whole double contract situation and mocks Gowen, who will never be allowed to wrestle here if America fails the lie detector. Here’s America with Vince ordering that he be strapped into the chair. It’s a simple system: ding means true, buzz means no.

We get straight to the questions: he’s Mr. America, he’s in a wrestling ring in Pensacola, Florida and he’s employed by Smackdown. Vince demands the question but America would like a drink of water before answering if he’s Hulk Hogan or not. He says no and that comes up true as well. They ask him again and it’s still not what Vince wants to hear. Vince: “It’s Hogan, Hogan, Hogan, Hogan, Hogan!” America: “NO NO NO NO NO!” Machine: “DING DING DING DING DING!”

That means he officially passes the test and Vince freaks out. He agrees to take his own test but America is getting to ask the questions. Vince is apparently a horrible pervert, a disrespected businessman who doesn’t do things for any fans all over the world, enjoys himself with Torrie Wilson’s Playboy (including in the limo on the way to the arena) and fantasizes about Mae Young. Vince is unhooked and America punches him out. See, now this is the kind of goofy, over the top comedy bit that the story should have been about. It’s not great but I’ve seen far less entertaining bits. More of this, less of America having matches.

Post break, Vince blames Stephanie for the whole thing. Things will change next week.

Chris Benoit vs. Sean O’Haire

Sean walks way in front of Roddy Piper, looking like he wants nothing to do with his mentor. Some early shots to the ribs have Benoit down in the corner but he grabs a dragon screw legwhip for a breather. That’s fine with Sean who takes Benoit down again into a chinlock. Back up and a DDT gives Benoit a breather, followed by a German suplex for two. Piper grabs the leg and actually gets caught in the Crossface. Sean makes a save and grabs a rollup with tights for the pin.

Rating: D. That’s a nice win for O’Haire but he desperately needs to get away from Piper. The pairing isn’t all that interesting in the first place and now Piper isn’t adding anything in the slightest. At least he got a big win here though and wasn’t squashed until the ending, which is somehow an improvement.

We look back at Rey Mysterio defeating Crash and Shannon Moore to earn a Cruiserweight Title shot, which will take place next week.

An injured Rey says he’ll be Cruiserweight Champion next week. He’s all fired up but here’s Matt Hardy to jump him from behind with a low blow.

Kurt Angle is back next week.

Ultimo Dragon is coming.

Rikishi/Spanky vs. Basham Brothers

This would be Doug and Danny’s debut and I still have no idea which is which. Doug and Rikishi start things off with Bashman being sent over the top in short order. Rikishi keeps cleaning house and it’s off to Spanky for a running forearm in the corner. Thankfully the Bashams finally take over and start hammering away with their pretty generic style of offense. An enziguri allows the hot tag to Rikishi, who cleans house with superkicks. The Bashams take a double Stinkface and it’s back to Spanky. A charge into the corner is countered though and Doug rolls him up with Danny adding extra leverage for the pin.

Rating: F. This was more about pushing Rikishi than anything else. He cleaned house multiple times and hit his embarrassing signature move on the newcomers. The Bashams look like a pair of clowns who won on a fluke while Rikishi looks like a world beater. Terrible debut and the team is in trouble from the start.

Vince’s limo is towed and Gowen shows up to gloat. Who knew that regular fans had access to Vince’s limo?

Undertaker/Brock Lesnar vs. FBI

This is your main event people. Hang on a second though as this is a handicap match but Nunzio is in street clothes. He’s injured after last week so we have a replacement Italian.

Undertaker/Brock Lesnar vs. Chuck Palumbo/Johnny Stamboli/Big Show

Undertaker slugs Show down to start but it’s Palumbo stomping at Undertaker in the corner. That just earns him Old School so it can be off to Lesnar for the house cleaning. Brock shrugs off some double teaming and hands it back to Undertaker to work on Stamboli. The running DDT plants Stamboli again so it’s off to Show for the real showdown.

Brock comes in instead and takes a heck of a clothesline to the chest. It’s too early for a chokeslam but Brock has to beat up the Italians. The chokeslam gets two on Lesnar and it’s the Italians double teaming on the floor. Back in and the beating continues as Lesnar is selling too much for the FBI.

A clothesline takes Palumbo down and it’s a hot tag off to undertaker to dominate. Snake Eyes and the big boot drop Palumbo and there’s the dragon sleeper on Show. Nunzio’s save with a chair only annoys Undertaker so there’s a chokeslam. Palumbo breaks it up so it’s back to back for the Italians, only to have the chokeslam end Lesnar.

Rating: D+. So yeah, we’re actually heading towards Lesnar vs. Show again, just in case we didn’t get the point last time. They really need to elevate someone already as this isn’t getting anyone anywhere. Where does this leave Undertaker? Facing the Italians? That’s the best they’ve got? The match was fun while it lasted at least, but Show vs. Lesnar again does nothing for me.

Overall Rating: C+. The tag match more than carries this one and the lie detector segment was a lot better than I was expecting. Smackdown is in a better place than Raw at the moment as they have some pieces to put together but they don’t know the order yet. I’ll take that over thinking Kevin Nash is their best option any day.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Updated History of the Intercontinental Title in E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: May 26, 2003
Location: Mobile Civic Center, Mobile, Alabama
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Last week’s big announcement was what might only be the second worst disaster of a HHH pay per view rematch (Kevin Nash should send Scott Steiner a raw meat basket) this year will be held inside the Cell. Other than that, Steve Austin likes to torture Eric Bischoff and Chris Jericho wanted to murder Goldberg for whatever reason. Let’s get to it.

We open with a long recap of last week’s big angle, featuring Ric Flair giving it one last shot against HHH (who of course retained the title). It was a great moment with a good match that had the fans buying into the story. Then HHH just beat him and moved back to fighting Kevin Nash. It almost hurt to type that out.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Shawn Michaels, who JR calls the best of all time, to introduce Ric Flair, who JR also calls the best of all time. For eighteen years, Shawn has wanted to say something to Flair: he’s every reason that Shawn wanted to be a wrestler. Flair is the reason that Shawn had to be great and one day he wanted to be what Flair was on a nightly basis. After last week, Shawn knows that Flair always will be the best in the world. However, there’s a part of Shawn that has to know where he stands so he wants to face Flair one time.

Flair is touched and agrees to the match but here’s HHH to cut him off. A few months ago, HHH set out to make Flair into his old self again and that’s exactly what he did. Last week Flair pushed HHH to the limit but now he’s about to bite the hand that feeds him. Flair says he doesn’t want to be the guy who follows HHH around and puts the belt around his waist. That’s too far for HHH, who erupts on Flair, yelling about how he’s an old man whose window of opportunity is closing fast.

This brings out Eric Bischoff to say the match sounds great but it’s not happening in Mobile, Alabama. Instead, we’ll have Shawn vs. Ric at Bad Blood. As for tonight though, they can team up to face HHH in a handicap match. Hands are shaken and JR incorrectly says this is the first time Ric and Shawn have teamed together. He also mistakenly says that HHH and Flair met for the first time last week, rather than the night when HHH was handed the World Title back in September.

Booker T. vs. Test

Stacy Keibler has given up on the idea of Test and Scott Steiner teaming together. You know, because the tag….eh never mind as they weren’t valuable in the first place so them being done doesn’t make things any worse. Booker reverses a whip and gets two off a clothesline. A hard left handed clothesline drops Booker and we hit a chinlock. An ax kick misses so Booker goes with the spinning kick to the face instead.

There’s the Spinarooni and Booker hits a missile dropkick before backdropping Test out to the floor. A baseball slide hits Stacy though (that’s far too common of a trope) thanks to Test pulling her in the way. Back in and the pumphandle slam gets two but here’s Steiner to check on Stacy. The ax kick ends Test without much effort.

Rating: D. What is there to say about something like this? It was mainly about Stacy instead of the match itself, which is probably the better idea. Booker is in the middle of chasing the title so it’s a good idea to see him win here, though Test isn’t exactly getting anywhere by losing like this, especially in a clean fall.

Steve Austin, with a black eye, thinks Booker is starting to come around when HHH comes in. HHH asks about the eye, which Austin says is the result of singing in the shower and slipping on some soap. The sucking up begins with HHH complimenting everything he can think of about Austin, only to be told that the match is still on. And now, HHH says Austin always wanted to be like him. He’ll win anyway, but who will bring him back to reality?

Val Venis vs. Steven Richards

This is an excuse to have Victoria in Steven’s corner and Trish Stratus on commentary. Venis is starting his own adult film company and offers Victoria a contract. Richards jumps him from behind to start and kicks Venis down into an early chinlock. Back up and Val scores with a clothesline, only to get planted with a DDT. Not that it matters as Val hits a spinebuster and the Money Shot for the pin. Actually a pretty nice match while it lasted.

Quick look at some soldiers in the house on Memorial Day.

Kevin Nash laughs off the idea of HHH’s troubles because he’s taking the title inside the Cell.

Christian doesn’t like this town because it’s named after a gas station. Goldust comes up to stutter something like a challenge but Booker comes up and says he’s winning the title soon enough.

Austin and Bischoff both think they should be credited as presenting Bad Blood. After Austin mentions that any active military personnel can get into the show for free (nothing wrong with that), they agree to compete in some way at the pay per view. More bickering ensues until Austin leaves to hear Lillian Garcia sing America the Beautiful.

Lillian starts singing and of course here is La Resistance. The French guys rip on American patriotism until Austin comes out to Stun them both. Austin talks about how awesome the military is and how they provide him the freedom to drink all the beer he wants. He and Lillian finish the song before beer is consumed. I know Vince LOVES the American stuff but sweet goodness do they really need to beat up a new tag team for the sake of a one off segment?

Flair is warming up but a masked man is watching him.

Christian vs. Goldust

Non-title. Christian hammers away in the corner but gets bulldogged for his efforts. A missed crossbody sends Goldust falling out to the floor though and Christian chokes away on the ropes. We hit the chinlock for a bit until Goldust fights up. An elbow to the jaw gets two on the champ but the Curtain Call is countered into a reverse DDT for the same. More right hands in the corner rock Christian but the referee blocks Shattered Dreams. Not that it matters as Goldust scores with a powerslam for the pin.

Rating: D. I’m sure this was completely necessary and helpful towards building up the Intercontinental Title match on Sunday. Booker T. beat Christian in a battle royal but got screwed out of the title. Now Goldust pins the champ clean, but I doubt he’s being added to the title match. Maybe he’ll get a shot next week, but why did this need to take place after the champ already has a challenger?

Teddy Long and Rodney Mack are in the ring for the FIVE MINUTE WHITE BOY CHALLENGE!

Rodney Mack vs. Bubba Ray Dudley

Bubba chops away in the corner but gets punched in the face for his efforts. We’re already in the chinlock as JR wishes Freddie Blassie a speedy recovery. Mack clotheslines him down but gets caught in a release German suplex for two. A neckbreaker and the Bubba Bomb get the same but Teddy gets on the apron for a distraction. Cue Christopher Nowinski to knock Bubba cold with the protective mask (which he was carrying, though you would think he could have brought something a bit harder) and Mack grabs the choke for the win.

La Resistance is annoyed at being attacked so Bischoff makes Sylvan Grenier vs. Rob Van Dam in a flag match tonight. If Grenier wins, they get a title shot at the pay per view. They really didn’t have a better way to set this up than Austin beating them up?

We recap Austin interrogating Lance Storm until he found out that Chris Jericho was behind attempting to run Goldberg down.

HHH accuses Flair of changing so Flair goes into a Flair style rant, saying he’s still the man.

Rob Van Dam vs. Sylvan Grenier

Flag match, meaning you have to pull your own flag down to win. A technical sequence sends both of them towards the wrong flag so let’s try that again. Rob kicks him to the floor but instead of going for his flag, he hits the spinning leg to the back. Maybe France is smarter than America. Back in and Rob scores with some shoulders to the back in the corner as I keep noticing the MOBILE, ALABAMA sign that a fan holds up. It’s been there all night and I wonder if that’s really the best he could come up with. There’s no joke or anything as it’s just the name of the town he’s in.

Anyway, Grenier’s attempt to get to the flag is broken up but Rene Dupree gets in a cheap shot to drop Rob. Back up and Rob’s top rope flip dive hits the referee by mistake because, in fact, they’re going to do a Dusty Finish in a FLAG match. Rob gets the flag but isn’t seen, allowing Dupree to knock the flag out of his hands. Kane comes in and clean house but takes a flag pole shot to the face. Dupree gets the flag and Grenier wins.

Rating: D-. This match made my head hurt and felt like a half-Vince Russo idea. La Resistance getting the title shot is fine and having them win in a flag match on Memorial Day is fine but they couldn’t have backed their way into the match any worse. If you have to have them win this way, don’t have Austin beat them up. It’s not like they’re an established team but who needs to build them up when they can just be handed the titles to get them over in a hurry?

It’s time for the Highlight Reel, whose set seems to be growing. This show is the hottest thing in wrestling and next week, Jericho will prove it when the Rock is his guest. That doesn’t get much of a reaction so Jericho talks about trying to run Goldberg over because no one wants him here.

Jericho took him under his wing in WCW but it just gave Goldberg a bigger ego. Then Jericho came here and became a big star with Goldberg being forgotten. A challenge is issued for Bad Blood so here’s Goldberg to talk some trash. That just earns him some pepper spray and a spear from Jericho. It’s a bigger deal than Christian but Goldberg really isn’t hitting his stride around here.

Jericho bailed during the break while Terri babbled on like the annoying interviewer she is.

HHH vs. Shawn Michaels/Ric Flair

HHH jumps Shawn from behind to start but a clothesline puts the champ down. A middle rope crossbody allows Shawn to hammer away and you can almost see the Flair heel turn (Is it really a turn?) coming from here. The Pedigree is broken up with a backdrop and Sweet Chin Music connects less than two minutes in. The hot tag brings in Flair and he wastes no time in punching Michaels down. We cut to the back where the masked man chairs Nash and it’s a Pedigree to end Michaels.

Rating: D. Well that happened. HHH gets to look brilliant and the Flair turn, which seemed to be rapidly gaining traction, is nothing more than a HHH ploy to gain momentum as we head towards HHH vs. Kevin Nash. This was an angle instead of a match, which is another non-surprise to go with Flair being in league with HHH all along.

The masked man and Nash come in with the former beating the latter down. The mask comes off and it’s Randy Orton helping with the beatdown to end the show. Uhhh….what was the point of the mask if he’s introduced and revealed in less than an hour?

Overall Rating: D-. There’s a reason 2003 is considered such a dark time for the company. The storytelling here was more lazy than anything else, yet it still felt like a bunch of stories that were rushed. In the main event story, we had a heel turn, a masked man introduced and revealed and a match taking place in one night. Throw in stuff like Christian losing clean and Austin beating up La Resistance and this was another bad show in a way too long series of them.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Updated History of the Intercontinental Title in E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Smackdown
Date: May 22, 2003
Location: Greensboro Coliseum, Greensboro, North Carolina
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re past Judgment Day and that means it’s time to get ready for…well that’s not clear actually as we have Bad Blood as a Raw exclusive pay per view for June. Brock Lesnar is in need of a fresh challenger after vanquishing Big Show, which opens the door for a lot of people who don’t seem ready for the spot. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Mr. America vs. Roddy Piper on Sunday with America and Zach Gowen getting one up on Vince McMahon.

Vince is in the back and marches to the arena. He sounds livid as he talks about being sick of all these mistakes going on around here. It all started when Mr. America got an iron clad contract and has snowballed from there. While he’s failed to prove that America is Hulk Hogan, tonight Vince is taking over and you’ll see his fingerprints all over the show (his words).

Opening sequence, now in black and white and a slower paced theme. Rather catchy one indeed.

Tag Team Titles: Eddie Guerrero/Tajiri vs. Team Angle

Team Angle is challenging in their rematch from Sunday. Tajiri and Benjamin start things off with Shelton taking him down in short order. Back up with Tajiri sliding his way out and dropping a knee on the now legal Haas. Eddie comes in to break up a double suplex and a double backbreaker puts Team Angle on the floor. It’s off to Eddie to clean house, including a middle rope spinning armdrag that he can make look perfectly smooth.

Tajiri comes in and kicks at Charlie’s back but Charlie hits something like a spear. Not that it matters as it’s back to Eddie almost immediately. That means a bunch of suplexes as everything breaks down, including Tajiri diving onto Team Angle as we take a break. Back with a sunset flip/neckbreaker combination getting two on Eddie, followed by a cravate to keep things slow.

That goes nowhere so they head up top where Eddie breaks up a superplex attempt but the frog splash hits knees. We hit the abdominal stretch on Eddie until Charlie’s takedown (kind of like a spinebuster) gets two. Shelton jumps over Charlie onto Eddie’s back for two but he fights up with a wristdrag/headscissors combination to put both of them down.

The hot tag brings in Tajiri to clean house and a tornado DDT gets two on Shelton. The dragon whip drops Tajiri but Eddie hits the referee with a chair, only to throw said chair to Haas. That’s enough for a DQ from the somehow conscious referee and the titles are retained.

Rating: B. Really good match here with the ending being the right call. Having Eddie cheat to retain the titles makes the most sense, especially since it’s hard to imagine them losing the belts this early. Tajiri is a fine replacement partner and they have the chance to set up someone else as big time challengers.

We look back at Zach Gowen debuting last week.

Vince runs into Stephanie and promises that things are getting out of control.

Here’s Vince for another chat as I’m noticing a theme here. The boss is disappointed in the lack of America unmasking on Sunday and that means he wants an apology from Roddy Piper. Cue Piper and Sean O’Haire with Roddy actually apologizing in short order. Vince slaps him in the face and the coat comes off, only to have Sean cut things off. He’ll take the blame for Sunday but tonight, he wants Mr. America. Piper LOVES the idea and Vince makes the match, but with a stipulation. If O’Haire loses, Piper is fired.

Kurt Angle is back in two weeks.

John Cena vs. Spanky

Before the match, Cena doesn’t think much of Spanky ripping off his gimmick. Spanky charges at him and hits a one footed dropkick Cena slams him down though and grabs a snap suplex for two. A hard throw sends Spanky into the corner for two more and Cena scores with a delayed vertical suplex. Spanky scores with an enziguri for two but it’s the shoulder block and an FU to give Cena the pin.

Rating: C-. Spanky was energetic as usual and that’s what matters more than anything else in his case. When you have someone who is willing to do pretty much anything you ask him, it’s quite the valuable asset. Spanky has gone from annoying to a fun character where I want to see what he does every week. Cena winning was the right call though as he’s going to be a bigger deal in the short and long term.

Stills of Sunday’s stretcher match.

The FBI is ready to face Brock Lesnar later tonight.

Chris Benoit vs. Matt Hardy

Opening sequence. Rey Mysterio is on commentary while Matt, who likes his steak medium well and has more teeth than Chris Benoit, makes his entrance. Matt slaps Benoit’s hand away and we have a very loud screeching reaction. Benoit knocks him into the corner though and it’s time to crank on the arm. With Chris in control, that little MF’er offers a distraction though and Matt a Side Effect for two.

We hit the chinlock for a bit before a suplex gets two on Benoit. A neckbreaker gets two more for Matt and we hit the front facelock. That goes nowhere so the non-yodeling legdrop gives Matt another near fall. Back up and a double collision puts both guys down for a bit. Benoit grabs a snap suplex for two and a catapult sends Matt into the post. There’s the Swan Dive and Rey takes care of Shannon, allowing the Crossface to give Chris the clean win.

Rating: B-. Matt loses again but at least it was in a good match. Working the neck made perfect sense and was a fine story to build things around, though Benoit needs something to do. Matt vs. Rey seems to be set in stone for the near future but Benoit is just kind of there at the moment, which isn’t the best use of him.

Post match Matt says Rey can have a title shot if he beats Shannon and Crash right now.

Rey Mysterio vs. Shannon Moore/Crash

Joined in progress with Rey sending Shannon outside and headscissoring Crash down as well. Shannon breaks up the 619 and Crash backdrops him out to the floor. Something like a double flapjack gets two on Rey but he comes right back with a double DDT. Shannon is sent outside and a top rope seated senton takes Crash down. Back up and Rey seems to be favoring his groin and is having trouble running the ropes. The 619 sets up a middle rope West Coast Pop to get rid of Shannon, despite his foot being on the ropes. Since this is apparently under elimination rules, a quick hurricanrana pins Crash as well.

Rating: D+. There’s a chance that the injury slowed things down here but all that matters is Rey being able to face Matt and win the title in the near future. This hardly felt like a challenge for Mysterio anyway as he absorbed the duo’s offense and winning the match without breaking much of a sweat.

Post match Matt beats up both guys as Rey is carried out.

Stephanie has a sitdown interview with Zach Gowen, who receives an apology for what happened last week. Gowen had cancer when he was a kid and the leg was amputated to prevent it from stretching. He grew up with his mom as his father bailed when Gowen was four. Make-A-Wish came to him when he was in the hospital and he would have wanted to meet Hulk Hogan but he (Gowen) declined because he was going to live. Next up though: he wants to be a professional wrestler. He’s been training as of late and hopes to wrestle here on Smackdown. Stephanie says anything can happen.

Vince is seething.

Post break, Vince comes up to Mr. America and says if he loses tonight, he has to undergo a lie detector test next week. America says no but Vince calls him a coward, which makes America change his mind. Vince goes into a RANT, shouting about how America will be proven to be a liar next week. That’s more intense than he usually gets and it worked quite well.

Brock Lesnar vs. Johnny Stamboli

The entire FBI jumps Johnny to start until it’s one on one for the opening bell. Brock drives him hard into the corner and scores with a fall away slam. The rest of the team gets in a little offense on the floor though and Stamboli stomps away for two. Brock misses a charge into the corner and Stamboli grabs a cross armbreaker to keep things slow. Lesnar fights up with a powerbomb and gets all fired up, drawing in the rest of the FBI for the DQ.

Rating: D. This was short and there wasn’t enough time for it to go anywhere. Well that and the match being Brock vs. Stamboli. You can’t get anywhere with someone like that challenging a monster like Lesnar and for the life of me, I have no idea why the FBI is getting protected like this. Haven’t they run their course yet?

The beatdown is on post match until the Undertaker makes his return for the save.

Here’s Sable for a chat about being in Raw Magazine and then about….Tazz? She’s not cool with Tazz picking Torrie Wilson as the winner of the bikini contest and gets on the desk to look down at him. After gyrating a bit, Sable pours water over his head and Tazz is REALLY not cool with that one.

Vince tells O’Haire to take his time tonight and explains the lie detector concept.

Mr. America vs. Sean O’Haire

America has Gowen with him and O’Haire has Piper. O’Haire shoves him down to start and does it again to prove his point. Back up and America does the same, meaning it’s time for some posing. American’s offense is cut off by Piper grabbing his boot and a slam gets two. Some kicks to the chest set up a chinlock on America and we’re stuck there for a good while.

America fights up and no sells a spinning kick to the face, meaning it’s America Up time. Piper gets knocked off the apron and the legdrop connects but Piper grabs America’s leg again. Cue Vince with a bunch of cops to arrest Gowen for his actions on Sunday (egads) so America goes outside to help his buddy. That’s enough for a countout though as O’Haire wins to end the show.

Rating: D-. If this is the best they can do to elevate O’Haire, they’re in more trouble than I thought they were. Almost half of the match was spent on the Vince angle and the other stuff wasn’t all that good in the first place. Vince didn’t need to be back again but when he’s the focus of the show, he’s REALLY the focus of the show. Terrible main event here, as you kind of had to expect.

Overall Rating: C+. The wrestling helps a lot here but there’s not much of a way around the Mr. America stuff dominating the show. Lesnar vs. the FBI and Sable vs. Torrie aren’t any better but at least we had some good matches to carry things. This was far better than anything at the pay per view and that’s a nice breath of air for the show.

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