IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: December 22, 2003
Hosts: Jonathan Coachman, Jerry Lawler

It’s the end of the year and thankfully that means we’re having a week off. This week it’s a Best Of 2003 special, which could be a rather short show. Unfortunately this is just a Best Of Raw show, meaning you’re going to be hearing a lot from HHH and a lot about the Eric Bischoff Era, which is still running strong. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Of note: I’ll be posting the full version of each match, even if the versions shown here are clipped.

Opening sequence.

Lawler threatens to kill the injured Coach if he makes one wrong move.

From Wrestlemania XIX.

Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels

Shawn tries to fire some confetti cannons on the way to the ring but some of them fail to go off, prompting an “eh what are you going to do” look. Jericho on the other hand just looks down at him in disdain in the perfect response. Some early armdrags frustrate Jericho so Shawn lounges on the top rope.

Back up and Shawn kicks him away without too much effort as they’re still firmly in first gear. Jericho is ready for a leapfrog and slaps Shawn in the face, earning himself a right hand to the jaw and a trip to the floor. Back in and Jericho scores with a spinwheel kick but a bulldog is countered with a good crotching. We hit a random Figure Four but Jericho reverses pretty quickly.

They head outside again with Shawn hitting a nice plancha, only to get caught in the Walls in the aisle. The bad back is sent into the post as Jericho has a big target to work with now. Back in and Jericho yells about how he’s better than Shawn as he stays on the back in a variety of ways. We hit the chinlock with a knee in the back before Shawn grabs a DDT to get him out of trouble.

Jericho nips up and hits the forearm into Shawn’s pose, which you just don’t do at Wrestlemania. Shawn makes his comeback (with two nipups of his own) and we hit the pinfall reversal sequence (as required by a classic like this) for a couple of twos each. Jericho is Lionsault for two more before countering a hurricanrana into the Walls. Shawn grabs the rope so Jericho elbows him in the jaw and tunes up the band.

Sweet Chin Music puts Shawn down for two and the fans seemed to buy that as the finish. Shawn teases the Walls but goes with a catapult into the post for two instead. It’s Jericho up first with a belly to back superplex but Shawn reverses into a crossbody in mid-air for yet another near fall.

The top rope elbow gets the same but the real Sweet Chin Music is countered into the Walls again. Just like last time, Shawn grabs the ropes though this time he follows up with more Chin Music for a very delayed two. Both guys are spent so Jericho grabs a belly to back suplex, only to have Shawn flip over and grab a rollup with his legs for the pin at 22:31.

Rating: A. Oh come on like this one needs an explanation. These two were both on fire here and just had an awesome match. It’s the match that made it clear Shawn had more than just a few performances in him as he felt a lot more like the older version here, which is exactly what the match needed to be. Jericho being able to do every athletic thing Shawn could do but not be able to outsmart him is a perfect story in a similar vein to Shawn vs. Shelton Benjamin a few years later. Great match here and one of the best Shawn had in his comeback.

They hug post match but Jericho kicks him low like the heel he is.

Coach and King plug the Unscripted book and Shawn vs. HHH for the title next week in San Antonio.

From Raw, January 27.

Rating: C+. That ending really hurt things here as they were beating the heck out of each other and looking more polished as almost any hardcore match you would see from this company. It felt like they were actually trying to hurt each other, which is far more than you can say about these matches most of the time. Just find a new challenger though as the feud is really starting to look stale.

Raw Retro package on the Tenth Anniversary Special. Egads what a wreck.

Stacy Keibler comes in to see Coach and King with Coach saying he’s tired of Lawler drooling over the women every week. She’d pick King and it’s a plug for a body spray.

From Raw, September 29.

Intercontinental Title: Christian vs. Rob Van Dam

Christian is defending in a ladder match. Rob easily wins a battle of kicks to start but Christian won’t let him set up an early ladder. Instead it’s Christian picking one up so Rob hits a flip dive over the top onto the ladder onto Christian. Well that was rather stupid. Since that did more damage to Rob than Christian, the champ bridges a ladder between the barricade and the steps. Christian is dropped ribs first onto the ladder and the spinning kick to the back makes things even worse.

There’s a ladder set up in the corner so of course Van Dam is whipped hard into it for his efforts. A catapult sends Rob face first into the ladder but he’s right back up with a delayed gorilla press onto the ladder. Rob has always been deceptively strong and the athleticism makes it even less noticeable. Christian gets knocked outside so Rob can make the first climb, only to be taken down by the reverse DDT off the ladder.

That’s not enough to get the title though as Christian is sent into the ladder in the corner, followed by a Cannonball (called Rolling Thunder, which is close enough). Rob uses the ladder for a Van Daminator but the Five Star only hits ladder. A hard running shot with the ladder puts Van Dam on the floor again but he comes back in with a top rope kick to knock it over again. The double climb leads to a slugout with both guys falling, only to have Rob catch himself on the other ladder. A Five Star from that ladder is enough for Rob to go up and get the title for the win.

Rating: B. While it’s no classic, this was the kind of match that Raw has been needing: hard hitting, a lot of fun and with a good guy winning in the end. Oh and a lack of HHH or Evolution helped too. This isn’t the kind of match that anyone is going to remember as anything great, but it was what they should have done on this show, especially as the main event instead of the big tag match.

Clip of Goldberg debuting and spearing Rock the night after Wrestlemania.

From Backlash.

The Rock vs. Goldberg

The entrances take a long time and Rock hits the floor before the bell as they’re hitting the stall button hard here. They stare each other down as the match hasn’t actually started yet. We’re finally ready to go after several minutes of killing time, which isn’t what this show needed. Goldberg shoves him away off the lockup, which isn’t that surprising as Rock isn’t known as a power guy.

They do it again with Rock falling to the floor this time around. Back in and Rock slaps him in the face, only to get run over with a shoulder. Rock bails again as the announcers debate music. We hit another long stall until Rock snaps him throat first across the top. Goldberg grabs a Rock Bottom but takes way too long on the spear, allowing Rock to send him into the post. The Sharpshooter goes on for a bit before Rock goes with a low blow.

That means nothing either and it’s a spear to cut Rock down. No Jackhammer though as Goldberg gets two off a slam instead. Good grief END THIS SHOW ALREADY. Rock hits a spear of his own (called a spinebuster by Coach, which isn’t that far off actually) and the Rock Bottom gets two. Now the spinebuster actually connects and the People’s Elbow gets two more. Goldberg pops up, hits a spear, ignores the GOLDBERG SUCKS chant, adds a second spear, and finishes with the Jackhammer.

Rating: D-. This was about as dumb as they could have gone with Goldberg doing the same kind of match that every WWE main eventer has with the multiple finishers and trading moves instead of doing the formula that got him over in the first place. It was a completely terrible debut match with Rock’s selling alone completely outshining everything Goldberg did.

Compare this Goldberg match to his recent return (true story: he wrestled more in this match than in a match, a Royal Rumble appearance, a title win and a title defense) and look at which got better reactions, more entertaining matches and just more success overall. It’s not hard to figure out why one was better than the other and a lot of it has to do with booking Goldberg like Goldberg and not like any other star.

Another moment: Jericho kisses Trish.

Video on Eric Bischoff being given thirty days to turn Raw around by signing Steve Austin, including his time in Texas.

From No Way Out.

Eric Bischoff vs. Steve Austin

Bischoff, in his karate gear, begs for mercy and offers to help Austin make a fortune. That goes as well as you would expect as Austin, in jean shorts, takes him down and stomps away to quite the reaction. Austin takes off Bischoff’s gloves, allowing Eric to rake the eyes. A kick to the chest has no effect, because former professional martial artists are worthless once they become authority figures. Austin takes him to the floor for another beating and hits three Stunners for the pin. JR, of course, loses it.

Rating: D-. There’s your Raw main event people and it was about what had to be expected. Austin looked good in a short burst like this but he wasn’t very interesting when he left in the first place and that’s not a good sign going forward. Austin vs. just about anyone on Raw at the moment doesn’t sound too appealing (Austin vs. HHH would be their best option and that sounds rather boring) but maybe he’s the shot in the arm that Raw needs, at least in the short term.

Austin hits another Stunner for good measure.

From Confidential, Gene Okerlund thinks Christmas From Iraq is a good idea.

Another moment: Kane unmasks and goes coconuts.

From Survivor Series.

Shane McMahon vs. Kane

Ambulance match with Shane charging straight at him for a crossbody to the floor. Shane knocks him onto the announcers’ table and hits him in the head with a monitor, setting up the big elbow to drive Kane through. That’s enough at ringside though so they head to the back, including the camera cutting out. That means we hit the pretape and come back with Shane pounding him down with a kendo stick.

Shane puts him in a security shack and jumps into an SUV to run Kane over again. Finding a well placed walkie-talkie, Shane tells someone to SEND IT, which means it’s time for an ambulance backstage. But is that the designated ambulance? That makes a difference you know. Instead of backing the ambulance up to the shack where Kane is down, Shane grabs a stretcher and wheels it twenty feet over, allowing Kane to grab him by the throat and slam Shane into a wall.

The camera goes out again and we pick it up with Kane knocking him back into the arena. Shane gets knocked into the front of the ambulance but manages to hit Kane in the face with the back door. What a sick sounding thud too. Kane is back up and sends Shane into the ambulance but another ram with the door gets Shane out of trouble. A tornado DDT on the floor plants Kane as they’re now near the grave for the Buried Alive match.

Shane puts a trashcan (good thing one was nearby) and a crashpad (same as before) and hits the Coast to Coast off the top of the ambulance to smash Kane’s face. That’s still not enough to wrap things up as Kane pulls Shane into the ambulance with him for more brawling. It’s Kane throwing Shane out though and then ramming him back first into the side. He javelins Shane’s head into the other side (you have to match you see) and a Tombstone on the floor is enough for the win.

Rating: D. This wasn’t as long as I was expecting but again, this doesn’t really do what they were likely shooting for with Kane. It makes two straight matches where Kane has had trouble beating up Shane McMahon. He can destroy Rob Van Dam but Shane gives him trouble? It didn’t work last time and it doesn’t work here. Now that he’s lost all of his heat though, you can pencil him in for a World Title match.

Another moment: Hurricane spies on the Rock and has one of the funniest segments of the year.

Video on the wrestlers who have passed away this year, including Stu Hart, Crash Holly, Miss Elizabeth, Hawk, Mr. Perfect and Freddie Blassie.

Another moment: Ric Flair wants HHH to bring it full blast for their match.

From Raw, May 19.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Ric Flair

HHH is defending and has heavily taped ribs. He tells Flair to lay down but Flair just slicks backs his hair as we hit the opening bell. They WOO at each other until Flair pokes him in the eye to take over. HHH tries a suplex but the ribs give out, allowing Flair to send him outside in a heap. Ric can hit the suplex on the floor but walks into a spinebuster back inside.

The champ can’t follow up though and Flair actually hits the top rope shot to the head. JR is selling the heck out of the chance Flair could win here and it’s time to go after the leg. The Figure Four goes on for a good while until HHH makes the rope. The referee gets bumped though and HHH grabs the belt, only to get poked in the eye. A belt shot gives Flair a close two and you can feel the fans gasp. The Pedigree is countered with a backdrop so Flair tries one of his own, only to get countered into the Pedigree to retain the title.

Rating: C. They were starting to get going near the end but, alas, HHH needed to go over Flair in Flair Country for the sake of…..I’m guessing his ego or something, even if it took away Flair’s best reaction in at least a year. Throw in the fact that this was designed to help set up HHH vs. Nash II instead of what could have been a great HHH vs. Flair match in an interesting story and this is even sadder.

Another moment: Mae Young does various things to Eric Bischoff during the Redneck Triathlon from Bad Blood. Give me ANYTHING else please.

From Survivor Series.

Team Austin vs. Team Bischoff

Austin: Shawn Michaels, Dudley Boyz, Booker T., Rob Van Dam

Bischoff: Scott Steiner, Mark Henry, Christian, Chris Jericho, Randy Orton

Coach, Stacy Keibler and the two team captains are at ringside. The fans want tables to start but have to settle with D-Von and Christian instead. D-Von shoulders him down to start but gets slapped in the face, triggering a bunch of right hands to the head. That’s not a nice response. Van Dam comes in for some forearms to the face and a kick to the jaw gets the same. It’s off to Jericho for some more luck, followed by Steiner whipping Van Dam hard into the corner to set up some posing.

Van Dam’s comeback is cut off by a belly to belly superplex but he’s able to get over to Booker for the hot tag. Things speed way up in a hurry and the scissors kick into the Spinarooni makes Bischoff face palm. Everything breaks down in a hurry and Steiner hits Booker low. The Recliner goes on but Stacy offers a distraction, setting up a reverse 3D. A Bookend is enough to get rid of Steiner and make it 5-4.

The World’s Strongest Slam gets rid of Booker a few seconds later to tie it right back up. Bubba comes in to try his luck and is sent hard into the corner. D-Von’s help doesn’t make things much better as the Dudleys are rammed together. Mark misses a charge though and it’s a 3D into the Five Star for the elimination. It’s off to Orton for a hard clothesline on Van Dam but Rob scores with a kick. Another Five Star is loaded up but Jericho makes a save, setting up the RKO to tie things up at three each. Jericho comes in and missile dropkicks D-Von down as JR and King wonder how things will go tomorrow night.

D-Von shoulders Jericho down for no count as Christian has the referee, setting up the sleeper drop for another elimination. This match is already better paced than the opener and here’s Shawn to pick things up all over again. Shawn pounds on Jericho in the corner and catches an invading Christian without much effort. Orton gets in a dropkick but stays down anyway as I guess he didn’t hit all of it. A double tag brings in Christian and Bubba with a backdrop getting two on the Canadian.

Jericho runs Christian over by mistake but a low blow sets up the Unprettier to get rid of Bubba. We’re down to Shawn vs. Christian/Jericho/Orton and Austin is starting to see how much trouble he’s in. Shawn punches away at Christian to start but some good old fashioned double teaming has Shawn in trouble again. Like there’s any other way this should go. Shawn is taken outside and catapulted into the post (you can see him blade on the wide shot) to bust open a GUSHER.

That and a suplex are only good for two back inside and Christian even steals his pose. Jerry: “That was a creepy little pose right there.” The Unprettier is broken up and a quick Sweet Chin Music gets rid of Christian. A frustrated Jericho comes in and gets two off a clothesline before handing it back to Orton. Shawn gets in a belly to back suplex but Jericho comes back in to take over again. As usual, JR is perfect at calling this kind of a story and Shawn getting two off a DDT has Jerry trying as hard as he can to believe in Shawn.

The Lionsault hits knees and Shawn pulls himself up but gets pulled into a Walls attempt. That’s reversed into a quick small package to get rid of Jericho and make it one on one (Lawler: “I BELIEVE I BELIEVE!”). Jericho isn’t gone yet though and caves Shawn’s head in with a chair shot. Why that isn’t a DQ on Orton isn’t clear but Shawn is done as Orton comes back in.

That’s only good for two and you can see the sigh of relief from Austin. Orton’s high crossbody hits the referee and here’s Bischoff to break up Sweet Chin Music. That’s too much for Austin so it’s a Stunner to Orton but he makes the mistake of beating on Bischoff a bit too much. They go up the aisle and here’s Batista to powerbomb Shawn, giving Orton the final pin.

Rating: B+. I love this match and always have. It doesn’t really pick up until Shawn is on his own but that’s what he’s done best throughout his entire career. He knows how to play the underdog better than anyone I’ve ever seen and you really can get behind the Lawler mindset of trying to believe here. As usual, Shawn is great in this role and it’s never too far to believe that he could pull this off (quick superkick, small package for two eliminations). Great stuff, but you might want to skip the first few minutes.

Austin is stunned at the loss because he placed his career in someone else’s hands and was let down. The bloody Shawn can barely stand and Austin congratulates him for giving it everything he had. Austin grabs the mic and talks about starting here in Dallas and going out here as well. Coach comes out to laugh and gets beaten up one more time with security getting the same treatment. Beer is consumed as a final goodbye. You know, assuming you believe that he’s gone for good this time.

We wrap it up with a video on last week’s ending with Mick Foley walking out, even with Randy Orton spitting on him.

Overall Rating: D+. How can you make a Best Of show this boring? It’s been a very rough year for Raw and this show didn’t even focus on most of the HHH issues. There are some good things in here but for the most part nothing came off like it was important or even all that good. Weak show here, but at least I could watch it in a hurry.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: December 18, 2003
Location: Veterans Memorial Arena, Jacksonville, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

This is the last regular show of the year as next week’s is from Iraq for the first Tribute to the Troops. Since last week’s show was a stand alone episode, odds are that’s going to be the case this week as well as I can’t imagine them setting up much and then just dropping it for a week for the special. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Brock Lesnar destroying Rey Mysterio last week until Hardcore Holly made the save. I might sign up for more beatings from Brock.

Opening sequence.

Here’s John Cena to get things going. It’s almost Christmas and the real reason for this season is to make love to Mrs. Claus (“She’ll be hanging off the balls from my Christmas tree.”). Funnier than his usual stuff at least.

Big Show vs. Orlando Jordan

Non-title (well duh) with Cena on commentary. Jordan goes straight at him and actually knocks Show into the corner. A dropkick has no effect and the Hog Log (Cena: “The HOG LOG?”) gives Show two. Cole tries to talk in hip hop lingo and Cena just rips him apart until the chokeslam cuts Jordan off for the pin.

Post match Show and Cena have a staredown before their match next week. Of note: a fan holds up a sign saying “The guy behind me can’t see.” I’ve seen that several times before and it’s still one of the worst signs you can make. How pathetic does your life have to be that when you buy an expensive seat to a show, the best thing you can do is make a sign to intentionally ruin someone’s night? Does that make you feel good about yourself? And how annoyed would you be if someone in front of you held up the same sign?

Hardcore Holly arrives and a security guard won’t let him in. Another guard comes up to say that Holly is Paul Heyman’s invited guest and has a private room.

Back from a break with A-Train in the ring and Brock Lesnar coming out, flanked by Heyman and Matt Morgan. Brock talks about beating Mysterio last week and brings up A-Train losing to Shannon Moore. Morgan brings up A-Train losing Team Lesnar money when he lost the match, which Lesnar says was his money. After we see a clip of the loss, Lesnar demands an answer and it better be good. A-Train apologizes for losing the money and embarrassing the team but wants to make things better.

Heyman thinks A-Train could make it up by dealing with Hardcore Holly. See, Holly’s suspension is lifted and tonight it’s an All or Nothing match. If Holly wins, he gets a title shot against Lesnar. If Holly loses, his contract is terminated immediately and he’s gone from WWE altogether. Tonight, it’s a tag team match with A-Train/Morgan vs. Holly/Moore. Lesnar doesn’t seem happy, much like the fans who are getting that as a main event.

Christmas in Iraq video.

Tag Team Titles: Los Guerreros vs. Scotty 2 Hotty/Rikishi vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team vs. Basham Brothers

The Bashams are defending and it’s one fall to a finish. Shaniqua is back with the Bashams (having not actually missed any time) but thankfully the masks are gone. Eddie and Rikishi start with the big man launching Eddie over in a backdrop. Chavo comes in and both Guerreros are suplexed at the same time. They escape a double Stinkface though and it’s off to Haas, who tries to slam Rikishi due to reasons of low intelligence.

Scotty comes in for some elbow drops but Haas brings in Shelton to take over. A very fast exploder suplex puts Scotty down but Danny and Eddie tag themselves in with a hurricanrana putting Danny down in a hurry. Both Bashams wind up in the corner for the double Stinkface with everyone else cheering. Thankfully we don’t get any jokes about them liking it as we take a break.

Chavo takes Danny up for a superplex but Doug comes in with a frog splash (a very telegraphed one too) to retain, even though Eddie hit them for the save before the three count. You could see Nick Patrick looking all over the place as he counted (like he was looking for someone to make a save) and Cole sounded a little confused too so something didn’t seem right there.

Rating: D+. Such is the problem with these matches containing so many people. With all the blind tags and quick sequences where you have to get people in and out to make sure everyone gets some time, you can’t get anything going. Also, yay the Bashams retain in a match where you don’t even have to have them lose the fall to get the titles off of them. There’s no coming back from such a stupid and terrible gimmick and having them hold the titles even longer isn’t making them any more over than they were before.

Heyman has put everyone’s name into a tumbler (save for Chris Benoit of course) and tonight, Lesnar is going to pull one out to give someone a title shot.

Lamont introduces The Cat for the weekly dancing session. Cole: “Somebody call my papa!” Cue Sable before he can get anywhere for some ranting and raving about him kissing her last week. Cat says he did (well yeah) but she didn’t look too hot last week. All he was trying to do was give her some hot Cat sugar to warm her up. He goes to kiss her again but here’s Vince to interrupt. Lamont holds the ropes open so Vince knocks him off as I cringe at where this may go.

Cat says he’s the greatest, Vince says he’s the greatest, Cat says he’s the greatest, Vince dances, Cat dances and Vince kicks Cat low. Vince: “SOMEBODY BETTER CALL THE CAT’S MAMA!” So Vince and the Cat are having a dance off on a show where Hardcore Holly is in the main event for a chance to become #1 contender. Oh and the Tag Team Champions are sex slaves to the most boring dominatrix of all time. Kind of a drop from the Smackdown Six days.

Rey Mysterio vs. Jamie Noble

For the #1 contendership. They hit the mat to start before running the ropes, including a monkey flip to put Noble down. Rey tries it again but Noble sticks the landing, setting up stereo dropkicks for a standoff. Rey’s headscissors out of the corner is countered into a faceplant and we hit a camel clutch. Back up and Noble’s charge hits post so Rey gets in a moonsault press for two.

In a counter that you would think someone else would have used before, Noble pulls the ropes apart and Rey crashes to the floor on a 619 attempt. That’s not enough for Jamie though as he throws Nidia inside and dropkicks her into the referee and Rey. Not that it matters as the tiger driver is countered into a hurricanrana to give Rey the pin. So Noble isn’t just a cheater, but also stupid. Such is life as a heel.

Rating: C-. The ending brings it down, much like Noble’s face run being aborted pretty quickly. I was digging his time for the forces of good but instead of making a new name out of a talented guy, let’s go with a story about Nidia instead. You know, the chick from Tough Enough so they might be able to get another season of the show.

Jamie tells Nidia that it was Mysterio.

Holly isn’t happy but he’ll do what he has to do tonight. He’s going to break Brock’s neck and take his title. No Bob, you’re not.

Chris Benoit vs. Chuck Palumbo

Benoit clears the ring of Nunzio and Stamboli but Palumbo gets in a cheap shot. The referee ejects the other two to get things even, albeit with Palumbo in full control to start. The big right hands connect and it’s time to talk about Iraq again. A cravate and belly to back suplex give Palumbo two but Benoit snaps him down by the arm. Back up and Palumbo goes shoulder first into the post (second match in a row) to set up the Crossface. Palumbo makes the rope so Benoit grabs a dragon screw legwhip. Some German suplexes into the Swan Dive get two so it’s the Crossface to make Palumbo tap.

Rating: C. This was completely fine as Benoit survives an early disadvantage to win. It’s good that they have something planned for him with this “he can’t have a title shot” thing as it makes Benoit seem like a threat to Lesnar. That’s what they need to build up, especially with Holly being the current challenger. Have I mentioned how stupid that really is? I wouldn’t want the message to be lost.

Rey comes in to see Nidia and explains (in Spanish for no apparent reason) that it was Jamie who dropkicked her. Nidia doesn’t believe him.

Rhyno vs. Faarooq

Rhyno wanted Bradshaw but gets Faarooq instead as Bradshaw is already in Iraq. Faarooq catches him from trying to run and hits a forearm to the back. A quick trip to the floor goes badly for Faarooq and it’s Rhyno stomping away back inside. The spinebuster gives Faarooq two so Rhyno hits him low for the fast DQ.

Rhyno Gores him down post match.

Heyman hypes up the possible matches for Lesnar, making it very clear that it’s going to be a joke.

In the ring, Heyman brings out Lesnar for the drawing. An annoyed Lesnar pulls out a name and we have a match.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Shannon Moore

Brock is defending. Shannon gets in a few shots to the knee and hits a dropkick to the jaw. That’s enough though as a series of clotheslines sets up the Brock Lock to retain the title in less than two minutes.

Post match Lesnar brags about being the best champion ever. He could have defended against anyone and pulls some more balls out of the tumbler. They all say Moore.

Hardcore Holly/Shannon Moore vs. A-Train/Matt Morgan

Yes your final three matches include Faarooq, Moore and Holly. Lesnar is at ringside and Lesnar is flanked by security. With Holly yelling at Lesnar, A-Train and Morgan run in to jump the still beaten down Moore. Morgan does the boot choke in the corner and A-Train hits a bunch of backbreakers.

A bearhug goes on with Morgan shaking Moore around and the Train Wreck draws Holly in for a save. An enziguri is enough for the hot tag so Holly can clean house until Lesnar chairs him in the back. Cole rants about how Holly has everything on the line before saying he has nothing to lose. A sitout powerbomb gives Morgan two but A-Train runs into Matt by mistake. The Alabama Slam gives Holly the pin.

Rating: D. Shannon’s selling was good (as always) but egads I’m not going to care about Holly. Who is buying that Lesnar is scared of the guy who spent years as a race car driver and then as part of a wacky family while trading the Hardcore Title with Road Dogg? I can’t imagine even a small portion of the audience is buying Holly as a real threat to Lesnar and it’s killing the story they’re going for. Holly’s team winning was very clear and at least they kept it short.

Overall Rating: D-. Oh my goodness Christmas has come early. By that I mean Christmas vacation as there wasn’t a lot of interest put into this show with a bunch of matches being too short to rate and Holly and Moore getting a ton of TV time. How am I supposed to get into much going on right now as we’re still waiting on Benoit to get his big time chance? I know it’s coming but they’re not making it easy to get there. Now to be fair a lot of that is just due to the holiday season, but egads find something better to bridge the gap.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: December 15, 2003
Location: St. Pete Times Forum, Tampa, Florida
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re closing in on the end of the year and to the shock of no one, it’s all about HHH again. This time though he’s nice enough to allow the rest of Evolution to join in as they swept the titles last night at Armageddon. That means we’re on the way to the Royal Rumble, where I’m sure HHH will give a rub to some young whippersnapper. Let’s get to it.

Here are the Armageddon results if you need a recap.

Here’s Evolution with all of the titles to open things up. HHH brags about claiming all of the gold last night because Evolution was always going to change the industry. Goldberg’s fans wanted to believe the hype but he’s HHH and with him there is no hype necessary. Tonight, the golden rule of Evolution begins: they have all the gold so they make all the rules. You know they didn’t have to ask HHH twice to do that speech.

Opening sequence.

Trish Stratus/Lita vs. Chris Jericho/Christian

Rematch from last night. Trish isn’t exactly as fired up as usual here and Lawler hurt his voice screaming at last night’s match. Jericho and Trish start things off and again, Jericho isn’t thrilled with having to do this. Instead he tags Christian, which is a great way to show how he feels: bring in someone willing to beat the heck out of Trish.

Thankfully there’s no broken neck or anything and it’s off to Trish for two off a high crossbody. Christian clotheslines the heck out of both of them for two, pulling Trish up before three. Instead it’s an Unprettier for one as Jericho breaks up the cover. Jericho shoves Christian down and the match is stopped due to Trish being banged up.

Rating: D. That botch was terrible and the ending was a storyline advancement instead of anything noteworthy. Jericho getting closer to the face turn is interesting as this is starting to get a lot better. They could use this to change a lot about Jericho and that’s a good thing, especially considering how long he’s been a heel at the moment.

Post match Bischoff comes out and yells at Jericho. Chris yells right back and says this was a horrible idea. Jericho goes to leave but Bischoff makes Jericho vs. Kane for later tonight. With Jericho gone, Bischoff says he has an idea to reshape Raw forever (yes another one) and wants Foley out here for it. Post break here’s Foley who wants to talk about Steve Austin returning. Two weeks from tonight, he’ll be pleading his case with the Board of Directors and Austin will be there as well.

Bischoff calls Foley a disappointment because the fans want him to be the Hardcore Legend. We see a video on Foley’s career (I believe the old Desire video), which focuses heavily on Foley being beaten up. Bischoff wants Foley back in the ring and Foley has actually been thinking about returning. Say, against Bischoff for example. He’ll be back in the ring one day, but on his own terms.

Bischoff has his own idea though: Foley vs. Randy Orton tonight with Foley and Bischoff’s jobs on the line. Foley wisely says no because he knows what Bischoff is going to try. He knows Evolution will be out there, so Foley wants to get to pick the referee. Foley picks….Earl Hebner, but also wants Evolution and Bischoff banned from ringside.

Next week: the Best of 2003. So it’s a five minute show?

Booker T./Maven vs. Mark Henry/Matt Hardy

The Huffman Brothers unite. Matt, who always utilizes toilet seat covers, has to deal with Maven’s right hands and dropkicks to start. Maven’s charge misses in the corner though and it’s off to Henry to take over. A few hard shots have Maven down again and Matt comes back in to crank on both arms at once. More right hands in the corner keep Maven in trouble but a Russian legsweep is enough for the tag to Booker. Some forearms and a spinebuster get no cover because it’s Spinarooni time. Henry is low bridged to the floor and the ax kick finishes Matt.

Rating: D. Just a match here with Maven being as uninteresting as he could possibly be. He doesn’t have a look, he doesn’t do well in the ring and he can’t talk but he won a reality show about three years ago so we get to see him on Raw. Hopefully Booker vs. Henry is done as there’s not much of a point in continuing the thing when Booker pinned him clean last night.

Coach tries to interview Goldberg but gets beaten up behind a closed door. He is then thrown through said closed door.

Here’s La Resistance to mock Rock calling them, ahem, Fifi last week. That’s not the case but here’s Goldberg to destroy both of them. La Resistance was introduced for a match but there wasn’t even a referee in the ring. Goldberg breaks a French flag and waves an American one. WE GET IT ALREADY! FRANCE SUCKS AND AMERICA IS THE MOST AWESOME THING EVER! NOW MOVE ON! Cue Bischoff to suspend Goldberg for thirty days.

Post break: JR: “I DESPISE ERIC BISCHOFF!” He rants about Goldberg being suspended for showing his patriotism and thankfully Lawler calms things down.

Foley is talking about wrestling being an addiction and asks someone if it’s something you can do once. He’s talking to Shawn Michaels, who says Mick is preaching to the choir. This business is like the mob: every time you think you’re out, they pull you back in. Shawn says it’s all worth it. Foley asks for his flannel shirt.

Shawn Michaels/Rob Van Dam vs. HHH/Ric Flair/Batista

Batista and Van Dam starts but Batista wants Shawn instead. That’s fine with Michaels and thankfully Batista doesn’t tag out like so many others would do. Shawn speeds things up and decks HHH and Flair, drawing them in for a standoff. Batista powers him into the corner though and it’s off to HHH, who gets punched down without much effort. Van Dam comes in to work on the arm so it’s off to Flair, who gets kicked in the face.

A poke to the eye cuts Shawn off (he never was that bright) and a right hand from HHH from the apron makes things even worse. Now it’s HHH coming in again and it’s amazing how much more energetic he seems here than in any Goldberg match. It’s back to Batista for the hard clothesline but let’s hear more from JR about Goldberg’s patriotism and Bischoff being a jerk. I bet he’s a commie too.

Shawn finally gets away from Batista and makes the hot tag to Van Dam for a bunch of kicks. The referee gets crushed in the corner though and Van Dam’s running shoulder makes it even worse. Rolling Thunder hits Batista and there’s the Five Star but Flair makes a save. The Pedigree plants Van Dam for a very delayed two (something tells me they had to beg HHH to allow that kickout). Flair grabs the Figure Four and we take a break. Back with HHH staying on the leg and JR apologizing for the abrupt break (I blame France. They’re not AMERICANS.).

Flair comes in for some chops and let’s plug the heck out of the main event again. I mean, they only have an hour and a half to hype it up. Some kicks to the face drop HHH and another to Flair are enough for the hot tag off to Shawn as things pick up again. The atomic drop sets up the top rope elbow to HHH for no cover. Everything breaks down with Rob knocking Batista outside, followed by a dive onto Batista and Flair. Sweet Chin Music finishes HHH, meaning it’s time for another Shawn World Title feud.

Rating: C+. The really annoying bits of commentary aside, this worked well enough, even if you have Evolution lose their first match after getting all the gold the night before. Shawn getting the World Title feud is annoying as we were there just a year ago but at least it seems to be just for the Rumble and the match should be good. Rob vs. Batista could be interesting too if that’s the way they go.

Rico vs. Jon Heidenreich

Rematch from last night on Heat where Rico won thanks to Miss Jackie interference. JR: “You gotta keep your eye on the ball there, though that may not be the best term to use with Rico.” Heidenreich slaps on an early bearhug but Rico kisses his way to freedom. A hip swivel into an elbow drop gets two on John and let’s talk about AMERICA some more.

We go a little more conventional with the chinlock as Lawler is rather impressed by Jackie’s outfit. Ok fair enough. The BORING chants begin so Heidenreich powers up with a backdrop for two and Jackie is panicking. The referee nearly gets bumped so Jackie gets in a cheap shot, allowing Rico to hit a neckbreaker for the pin.

Rating: D-. I can go with pushing someone but the ceiling on Rico is very low with this horrible character. Jackie is a great addition and plays the manager role well but there’s nowhere to go with Rico in this character. Heidenreich isn’t exactly doing well, mainly due to being left off of TV for a few weeks after debuting. At least there’s still time to tweak him though as he doesn’t have a character to speak of.

Jericho tries to talk to Trish, who says she now sees the real him. She doesn’t want him to talk to her again.

Chris Jericho vs. Kane

Jericho gets smart by dropkicking the knee as Kane comes in but a few more shots don’t get him very far. Kane punches away in the corner as the announcers actually talk about stuff related to the match. I’m as shocked as you are. A raised boot in the corner cuts Kane off and a missile dropkick gets one. You can hear JR starting to sympathize with Jericho being up against such odds here, meaning the face turn is starting to work, even in small increments. The Walls are broken up with ease and Kane sends him outside for a whip into the steps. That’s enough for Jericho, who hits him in the head with a chair for the DQ.

Rating: D. This wasn’t great but these two have never had the best chemistry. I’m interested in the face turn but I’ve always been a bigger fan of Jericho as a face than a heel. Having him try to be a good person to change Trish’s mind has long term potential, especially if WWE actually does it the right way for a change. In other words, don’t change course because they can’t be patient.

Post match Kane destroys him, including choking with a cord and a chokeslam. Christian comes out after Kane leaves but shoves Jericho down instead.

Earlier today, some Raw wrestlers were at an Air Force base.

Orton comes in to see Bischoff, who gives him a pep talk and tells him to think smart tonight. Bischoff wants Foley to chase Orton to wear him down. Ignore the locker room rumors that Orton can’t live up to his potential too. Orton freaks out at the idea of such rumors and is ready to step out of everyone’s shadows.

People wish Foley luck, including Shawn. Foley gives Shawn a World Title shot in two weeks.

Intercontinental Title: Randy Orton vs. Mick Foley

Orton is defending and this is billed as Winner Take All. Before the bell, Foley heads outside and slaps himself in the head a few times. Foley walks around for a bit….and leaves with his head down. No match.

Orton chases after Foley, who is leaving with his stuff. Bischoff catches up to Foley and asks what’s going on. If Foley leaves, he’s out of power. Foley keeps walking so here’s Orton to yell at him. Orton notices a tear in Foley’s eye and says legends don’t cry. He spits on Foley, who leaves without saying a word to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. And so, evil wins again. To recap, Goldberg is suspended and Foley walks away due to being a coward or whatever they’re going for there, all while Evolution reigns on high. Oh but wait: Shawn is getting a World Title shot and Austin might be back. That puts us right back where we were a few months ago, albeit with Shawn as the latest unlikely challenger to take the title from HHH.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Goldberg’s run was a nice breather, but HHH is the star of this show and there’s no way around it. This show is run by the villains and we’re lucky to get a month or so off from the status quo. Even when Goldberg was champion, he was injured and off the show for awhile while HHH dominated the show despite not even wrestling. Not a bad show this week, but a change from the HHH Show would be nice.

IMG Credit: WWE

Armageddon 2003
Date: December 14, 2003
Location: TD Waterhouse Centre, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 12,672
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’ll wrap up the pay per view schedule for the year here with another show that is hardly inspiring. The main event here is a triple threat match between Raw World Champion Goldberg, HHH and Kane, because why have one challenger who can’t bring out the best in Goldberg when you can have two? I’m almost scared of how lame this could be so let’s get to it.

Here’s the go home Raw if you need a recap.

The Fink opens us up. Fink: “Would you please rise TO HONOR THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA???” Lillian Garcia does her usual great rendition but I don’t have the urge to punch a French guy, meaning it’s kind of a failure on WWE’s part. This is the day after Saddam Hussein was caught so it’s not as random as it seems.

The opening video is your standard collection of Bible verses about Armageddon and as expected, it’s all about the triple threat.

Booker T. vs. Mark Henry

Booker goes aggressive to start with a long series of right hands and is shoved down just as fast. We even get a rare Booker T. chant until Henry clotheslines him to the floor to calm them right back down. A whip sends Booker into the steps but he’s right back up with a slingshot dive to take Henry out. Back in and the missile dropkick puts Henry down again as the fans are sticking with this one early on.

Teddy Long offers a distraction though and Henry runs Booker over to cut him off and the pace slows right back down. We hit a modified bow and arrow for a bit before a running crotch attack to Booker’s back has him in even more trouble. Back in and we hit the chinlock as Henry isn’t exactly known for his varied offense. He mixes things up (by his standards at least) with a bearhug. See now he’s squeezing a different part of Booker so it’s a completely different style.

A hard clothesline cuts off Booker’s comeback but the legdrop misses. Booker’s bicycle kick sets up an ax kick for two in what might have been his big shot. Henry grabs a spinebuster and nearly collapses when covering for two. Dude it’s eight minutes into the match. You shouldn’t be that tired. Now the legdrop is good for two and Henry hits a jackknife of all things, which looked more like Booker slipped than being intentional. Possibly out of fear of his safety, Booker hits another ax kick for the pin.

Rating: D+. Henry has been wrestling for going on eight years at this point and somehow he’s still not getting better. The power moves look good in spurts but the powerbomb looked horrible (not to mention dangerous) and you can only do so much squeezing in a nine minute match. At least Booker won though and Henry can drop back down to the midcard (at best) where he belongs.

Eric Bischoff is livid and gives Christian and Chris Jericho a pep talk for their mixed tag later tonight. Jericho looks hesitant but here’s Mick Foley in the arena to cut them off. Foley talks about how he’s here in Orlando to deliver his first pay per view as co-manager (I’m sure he’ll be yelled at for getting the title wrong.) of Raw. The Steve Austin petition has now broken one million signatures and that means it’s time for a celebration. Cue Stacy Keibler as a cheerleader for a series of cartwheels and the obvious visual appeal.

With Foley picking Stacy up, here are Randy Orton and Ric Flair to interrupt. Orton holds that Foley didn’t pull anything because he’ll need to be ready to count the pin in the Intercontinental Title match. Austin is gone because Orton got rid of him at Survivor Series so it’s time to crown a new champion. Foley says Orton wants to go so let’s have the title match right now.

Intercontinental Title: Randy Orton vs. Rob Van Dam

Orton is challenging and Foley is guest referee. Rob sweeps the leg to start and Orton is already taking a breather on the floor. Back in and they hit a technical sequence with Orton not being able to do anything and leading to a standoff. Rob goes with what he does best and kicks Orton down. Another kick sets up a running flip dive to the floor as Orton can’t get much going so far.

Rob gets caught on top and shoved into the barricade though, which happens to him far too often. Then again it’s not like wrestlers are people who learn very well in the first place. Flair gets in some choking from the floor and Foley yells at him, which just lets Orton hammer away even more. We hit the chinlock (requirement fulfilled) for a good while until Rob gets two off a rollup.

Orton throws him onto his shoulder for a powerbomb but takes a step forward into a neckbreaker for a cool move. That means another chinlock until Rob fights up with a spinwheel kick. Rob (with his ponytail nearly out in a rare look) slugs away in the corner and gets two off a northern lights suplex, sending Orton bailing to the floor again.

The breather works as Orton grabs the hanging DDT back inside and yells at Foley on the two count. As you might guess, Van Dam kicks him down again and hits Rolling Thunder but has to kick Flair away. There’s the stepover kick to set up the Five Star but another Flair distraction lets Orton crotch Rob. The RKO gives Orton the pin and the title.

Rating: C+. This is the perfect role for Rob: he can keep the title warm and give you a good match to make a bigger and better name champion. Orton had to win here as it’s high time to make him look like he has more than potential. Evolution looks better here too as the team has a second champion instead of HHH and three lackeys. Good match, even with Rob being his pretty usual self. Then again, it’s not like he cranked it up to another level most of the time in WWE.

Orton’s post match celebration makes the title seem like a huge deal as he seems blown away by winning it. You don’t see that often enough.

We recap the battle of the sexes with Jericho and Christian romancing Trish Stratus and Lita to some success. It turned out to be a bet between the guys though, which crushed both women and broke their hearts. Now though, Jericho seems to be having second thoughts, even as Bischoff has set up this mixed tag.

Chris Jericho/Christian vs. Trish Stratus/Lita

Jericho tries to talk his way out of trouble with Trish but gets slapped, setting up the forearms that you would expect from Sapphire instead of a multiple time Women’s Champion. That earns Trish a spanking so she kicks him away and slaps him in the head. Some bad dropkicks have Jericho in trouble so it’s off to Lita vs. Christian. Lita slaps him as well and then runs away, followed by some equally lame forearms.

A headscissors puts Christian down but Jericho gets in a cheap shot from the apron in a good heel move. It’s off to Jericho for some trash talking and some standing on Lita’s hair. A powerbomb is countered into a loose hurricanrana for two and Lita loses her top to the delight of both Lawler and the fans. Lita finally gets smart with a low blow, allowing the tag to Trish who thankfully throws the forearms that she would throw in matches instead of like she’s a terrified schoolgirl.

The Chick Kick rocks Christian and Jericho gets crotched on top. He’s fine enough to block the Stratusphere but Christian gets sent into Jericho. That’s enough for two off a rollup but a hard clothesline takes Trish’s head off. Lita comes back in with a hurricanrana, only to have Jericho make a save. Jericho checks on Trish and seems to show some sympathy until Christian rolls Trish up for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was two different matches in one as the first half felt like something out of Memphis in 1974 and the second felt like it could have been interesting. In other words, once Trish and Lita realized they were Trish Stratus and Lita rather than fans in over their heads, it got a lot better. If that was the case throughout, this could have been a fun underdog match but for what we got, it was too little two late.

We recap Shawn Michaels vs. Batista. Shawn was trying to survive for Team Austin at Survivor Series when Batista interfered and cost him the match. Batista wasn’t done though and beat Shawn up some more, setting up the match tonight. In other words, they’re hoping Shawn can pull off a good match to make Batista look better than he is. I mean, it’s not the worst idea in the world.

Shawn Michaels vs. Batista

Shawn goes with the speed to start and snaps off some rights and lefts in the corner to annoy Batista. More punches get the same result and a slide between Batista’s legs allows Shawn to punch Ric Flair out. Things reset a bit and this time Batista goes with power in the form of some knees in the corner.

Flair goes into cheerleader mode as Batista starts in on the back with a hard whip, followed by just driving an elbow into the side of Shawn’s head. Shawn blocks a belly to back superplex though and gets two off a moonsault press (which was a foot or so off center). There’s the nip up so Batista takes it outside for a whip into the steps to put Shawn down again. They’re doing well with the power vs. heart/experience idea here.

Some backbreakers get Batista back to where he was going before with Flair losing his mind that the referee hasn’t stopped it yet. Back up and Shawn hits the forearm into the nip up before countering a chokebomb into a DDT. The top rope elbow connects but Sweet Chin Music is countered into a spinebuster. That means it’s Batista Bomb time but Shawn slips out and nails Sweet Chin Music for the pin.

Rating: C. This was a shorter version of Orton vs. Michaels from a few months back and that’s the right way to go. I can live with Evolution not winning every match and Shaw using the experience and intelligence to win over a muscle head like Batista makes enough sense. If nothing else just have Batista power through some nitwit and he’ll be fine.

Post match Batista is so out of it that he thinks he won and here’s Maven for a match added on Heat. One beatdown later and Maven is done, meaning Matt Hardy (whose fingernails grow very quickly), his opponent for tonight, can get a forfeit win. That’s the fast track version of getting Batista back to normal.

In the back, a very sweaty Flair has to calm Batista down and say that Batista is better than Shawn. Everyone trips, but the good ones get back in the game. Flair has an idea and says they’re both leaving with titles. Thanks for the spoiler Naitch.

Tag Team Titles: Tag Team Turmoil

Gauntlet match for the titles with the Dudleys defending. La Resistance vs. Rosey/The Hurricane starts things off with Conway slugging at Hurricane to start. A low bridge puts Hurricane on the floor as the USA chants begin. As usual, the fact that two Americans are currently wrestling goes completely over their heads. Dupree comes in and now that the chants are more appropriate, they starts dying down.

Hurricane gets in an X Factor and tags in Rosey to as much of a reaction as a tag to Rosey is going to draw about two minutes into a match. Rosey splashes Conway and dumps Dupree over the top before getting on the middle rope. Hurricane gets on his shoulders for a big splash to pin Dupree. Mark Jindrak and Garrison Cade come in third and roll Hurricane up for the pin in about four seconds.

Lance Storm and Val Venis are in fourth with Venis and Jindrak starting things off. That goes nowhere so Garrison and Lance trade armdrags and headlocks. The BORING chants begin and you can see the empty seats from people hitting the concession stands. One heck of a left hand breaks up a springboard and Jindrak come in to crank on Storm’s arms. A missed charge allows the hot tag to Venis as everything breaks down. The Blue Thunder Bomb gets two on Jindrak so Venis tries a suplex but falls victim to the Rick Rude/Ultimate Warrior finish for the pin.

It’s the Dudley Boyz in fifth to clean house with Cade getting caught in the Tree of Woe and Bubba abusing his chest. Jindrak comes in for one heck of a clothesline on D-Von and it’s off to the chinlock. A top rope elbow hits D-Von but “misses” and the hot tag brings in Bubba. Everything breaks down and Jindrak rolls D-Von up for two, only to have the 3D send the Dudleys on. Cade decks both Dudleys as Scott Steiner and Test are in sixth. The villains come in with little resistance and Steiner’s push-up elbow gets two.

It’s off to a Fujiwara armbar of all things before Test comes in for some stomping. A regular armbar has as much effect so Bubba throws him down for a breather. The middle rope backsplash ACTUALLY connects for two on Test and it’s back to D-Von to pick things up a bit. A rollup gets two on Test but he’s right back with the full nelson slam for two. With the wrestling not working, Test does the old throw in the belt so you can use a chair spot for two on D-Von. The Bubba Bomb hits Test though and D-Von gets the pin to retain.

Well hang on a second as here’s Bischoff that we have a seventh team. In case you’re really slow, it’s Flair and Batista as evil bosses are still evil bosses. The beatdown is on with Flair putting Ray in the Figure Four and the Batista Bomb pinning D-Von. Evolution was in there for about thirty seconds.

Rating: D. This was long and uneventful until the screwy finish. The problem was the same as usual with most gauntlet matches: there’s nothing to the matches because they have to go so fast and in this case, most of the teams are so lame that it’s not exactly something worth watching. This could have been much worse with less time but still, just a screwy way to set up the ending of the show.

Video on the Tribute to the Troops announcement.

Women’s Title: Ivory vs. Molly Holly

Molly is defending in a match that I don’t think was even mentioned coming into the show. Ivory sends her out to the floor to start as the announcers debate sexual frustration. A dropkick to the leg knocks Ivory face first into the apron so the champ can take over. It’s off to an armbar and the discussion is off to Molly drinking prune juice. There’s a handspring elbow to Ivory as you can see even more empty seats now than during the tag match. Ivory sends her face first into the buckle for two but Molly reverses into a rollup with the tights for the pin to retain.

Rating: D. There’s no story and they had four minutes. What else can you expect from a match like this? It’s not their fault here as they were put in a match to fill in time and given nothing to work with, meaning the deck was entirely stacked against them. The division needs some fresh blood and Ivory isn’t the right person to challenge for the title.

We recap the World Title match. Goldberg is defending, HHH is HHH and Kane decided to attack Goldberg so HHH could say it was a different match when he gets the title back again.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Kane vs. Goldberg

One fall to a finish. The bell rings and they stand around staring at each other for a long time. After a minute of standing there, Goldberg walks to HHH and Kane walks to Goldberg, allowing HHH to jump the champ from behind. The double teaming is on as we’re waiting on who gets to cover Goldberg. A clothesline takes HHH down and a powerslam does the same to Kane as the fans are trying to get into this.

Kane sits up so Goldberg knocks him down again, followed by doing the same to HHH. Goldberg slams Kane off the top for a bonus and powerslams HHH for no cover. The distraction lets Kane get in a big boot and some right hands to Goldberg as I’m not expecting much of a story to break out here. A double suplex drops Goldberg and HHH covers for two, much to Kane’s annoyance.

Kane clotheslines HHH to the floor by mistake so HHH chairs him in the back, breaking up a chokeslam to Goldberg in the process. Goldberg takes the chair from HHH and wraps it around his ankle but Kane breaks up the Pillmanization. They head outside with Goldberg trying a Jackhammer through the table, only to be broken up with a chair to the ribs from HHH. You know, because why would you want Goldberg to get rid of Kane and then wear him out with the chair in your hands and a free shot?

HHH elbows Goldberg through the table but winds up in front of Kane while holding the chair that he used to put him down. Kane beats on HHH a bit as this just keeps going. They head inside with HHH getting beaten up some more, including the side slam for no cover. The chokeslam is blocked by a poke to the eye and a DDT plants Kane. That’s enough for the ring so they head up the ramp with Kane chokeslamming him there instead. Goldberg is finally back up and spearing Kane as they come back inside for two with HHH making the save.

It’s a three way slugout with Goldberg getting the better of it, including a double clothesline to take both guys down. There’s another spear to Kane and one to HHH, drawing in Evolution for a distraction. They’re quickly dispatched so Goldberg and Kane choke each other until HHH hits Goldberg low. Kane chokeslams the champ but Batista pulls him to the floor, allowing HHH to get the pin and the title. Merry Christmas to us.

Rating: D+. Much like the whole show, this was much more dull and boring than bad. There was a grand total of zero doubt that HHH would win as you have the Evolution title dominance to go with HHH not being World Champion in a few months, which is completely unacceptable. This was as good as “you hit me, I hit him, he hits you, now we switch” for twenty minutes was going to be, which should tell you everything you need to know.

Evolution celebrates to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. There are worse shows, but this was 2003 Raw in a nutshell: a lot of Evolution, a good match here and there, but the whole thing is just so slow paced that nothing is really exciting. Also, much like a lot of the shows on the year, it barely broke two and a half hours, including the National Anthem. These one brand pay per views aren’t ready yet and that’s getting more and more obvious every single time they’re out there. These things need to be closer to two hours than three, but then they couldn’t charge as much and that wouldn’t be good, much like this show.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: December 11, 2003
Location: San Diego Sports Arena, San Diego, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re now on the way to the Royal Rumble and that means….well it probably means that the show takes a few weeks off. Last week saw Chris Benoit fall just short of winning the Smackdown World Title from Brock Lesnar, who now gets to move on to Hardcore Holly. A main event in probably no arena in the country. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open on a very close shot of Paul Heyman as he says Chris Benoit will never get another shot at the WWE Title as long as Heyman is General Manager.

Opening sequence.

Heyman is in the ring to get things going. He’s going to follow a tradition and build Smackdown on the back of Brock Lesnar. Vince McMahon Sr. built the company on the back of Bruno Sammartino and Vince McMahon Jr. built his company on the backs of Hulk Hogan and Steve Austin. Last week Chris Benoit got a little too close to destroying Heyman’s vision so there will be no more title shots at this man.

Brock comes out and smiles a lot as you can see the YOU TAPPED OUT signs in the crowd. Just in case that’s not enough, the accompanying chants start up as well. Lesnar rants about demanding respect and says it was Benoit who tapped out to him. We see a clip of Benoit “tapping” after passing out and Lesnar rants against the fans, only showing why he shouldn’t be allowed to talk that often. Lesnar says he has a chant for the fans here in Mexico, even though Heyman says we’re in San Diego. Lesnar: “It looks like Mexico out here!”

Cue Rey Mysterio to say he won’t let Lesnar make fun of his people and his family. Rey is here to issue a challenge for tonight and that means a 619 chant. Lesnar doesn’t agree so testicle jokes are made, which is enough to get the match made, albeit non-title of course. Brock does throw in a bonus: if Rey can win tonight, he can have a title shot next week. That’s cool with Rey, who promises a 619 chant next week. Perfectly fine for a one/two week story.

Rhyno vs. Bradshaw

Fallout from a Gore on Velocity. Bradshaw forearms him into the corner to start and gets two off a suplex. The threat of a Clothesline sends Rhyno bailing to the floor but he comes back in with a DDT for two. For reasons of general idiocy, Rhyno goes up top, allowing Bradshaw to hit a super fall away slam to take over again. A superplex plants Rhyno and they lay on the mat for a few seconds before Bradshaw lifts his legs, allowing Rhyno to turn it into a small package for the pin. That didn’t look contrived in the slightest.

Rating: D. Believe it or not I actually had some expectations here as these two could have a decent, short power match. For some reason though they couldn’t even do that right and it made for a lame outing, especially for the ending. Bad match here, which is actually a bit of a surprise.

Paul Heyman is with A-Train and Matt Morgan and mentions that he’s gotten rid of Nathan Jones. No reason is given, but he quit the company while on tour in Australia. Anyway A-Train needs to prove himself to make up for betting against Brock last week so he’s going to face Shannon Moore. Morgan tells him not to blow it.

The Bashams want to bet on themselves in their Tag Team Title defense next week, which nearly leads to a fight with the FBI over Shaniqua being rough with the money. Didn’t she dump them? They leave so Matt Morgan comes in to put everything he has on A-Train against Moore. Pretty obvious payoff but it might work here.

A-Train vs. Shannon Moore

Shannon has taped up ribs so A-Train punches him in the bandages and hits a splash in the corner. A spinning crossbody to the back puts A-Train down but A-Train tosses him outside and hits the ribs again. Back in and Shannon grabs a quick sunset flip for the clean fluke pin.

Post match here are Morgan and Big Show to beat up Moore but A-Train takes a beating of his own.

Cat is getting ready to dance.

Highlights of the Asia/Australia tour.

Here’s Lamont to introduce Cat to dance with Sable. Therefore here’s Sable, who says she’s not dancing for anyone but Vince McMahon. Cat isn’t happy so he kisses her, causing Sable to leave. That means Cat takes his pants off and dances. This might be the most “because Vince thinks it’s funny” segment in years.

Eddie Guerrero offers Chavo a Y J Stinger hat but promises to be serious. Chavo says his knee is feeling good enough that he doesn’t even need to tag Eddie in. They’re both going to steal the show.

Los Guerreros vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team

Eddie and Charlie start things off with neither being able to get the better of a technical off. Shelton comes in to try a test of strength as the EDDIE chants begin. Eddie gets the better of it and takes him down to the mat, legitimately injuring his shoulder in the process. Shelton gets sent into the corner so it’s off to Chavo as Eddie chokes from the apron. Shelton knocks him outside and opens the hood of the low rider in an attempt to crush Eddie’s arm. Well that certainly accelerated quickly.

With that not working, Shelton sends him arm first into the post and we take a very abrupt break. Back with Shelton slingshotting in to land on the arm again. Charlie lets Eddie over for the tag for some reason and it’s Chavo coming in to clean house. A headscissors drops Charlie and a middle rope twisting swanton gets two. Another armbar slows Charlie down but Shelton kicks out Chavo’s bad knee to take over again.

Shelton slingshots in onto the knee as at least they’re mixing up the leg work. We hit a half crab but Eddie gets creative by taking off the tag rope, which draws the referee over and allows Eddie to break up the hold. It’s not enough for the hot tag though as Shelton pulls Eddie off the apron. Back up and Eddie dives over Charlie for the real hot tag but the bad arm keeps things from their usual pace. A monkey flip doesn’t work on Shelton as he lands on his feet but a dropkick sends him into Haas.

Charlie is fine enough to superplex Eddie and everyone is down again. It’s Shelton up first to jump over Charlie and land on Eddie’s back but a one legged Chavo makes the save. Eddie is fine enough to hit the rolling suplexes but Chavo tags himself in and hits the frog splash on Shelton. Eddie takes his time leaving though and it’s only good for a delayed two. Back up and Shelton superkicks Chavo and covers but Chavo isn’t legal. The referee straightens things out so Eddie pulls the air filter from the low rider and knocks Shelton cold for the pin.

Rating: C+. The arm injury clearly slowed Eddie a lot but even a below peak condition Eddie is still better than most performers ever. Chavo’s jealously can continue with Eddie stealing the pin as the team continues to win but also continues to deteriorate. It’s going to make Eddie into a bigger deal and that’s what matters most.

Tribute to the Troops is announced. That’s still a really cool concept, but once it turned into a stateside event, it stopped feeling special.

Here’s Big Show, dressed like John Cena, for a battle rap. Cena comes out and Show does the slow paced rhyming, including saying that he’s 500lbs and is the Kobe Bryant to Cena’s white girl. Oh and his finger is bigger than Cena’s…..anyway moving on. Cena’s response: Show is fat, in various forms of funny insults. He throws in a low blow for good measure and bails. This really wasn’t funny, but it was better than the Cat segment.

We recap Brock vs. Benoit last week.

Benoit passed out instead of giving up last week and now he’s not sure if he’s ever going to get another title shot.

Rey Mysterio vs. Brock Lesnar

Non-title and Rey’s family is in the front row. Brock makes short jokes and takes his time in going after Mysterio. Eventually he grabs Rey by the foot and swings him into the corner because he’s just that big. Rey dropkicks the knee and sends a charging Lesnar face first into the middle buckle.

Brock snaps up and the chase is on until Brock finally stops and glares at him. This time he picks up the steps but Rey dropkicks them into his face. That’s about it for Rey’s offense though as Brock sends him into the post, only to get hurricanranaed to the floor. Brock gets sent into the post and Rey hits a dive off the apron and we take a break. Back with Brock catching a high crossbody and distracting the referee so he can get in a low blow. Cole is INCENSED that Brock would have to cheat and the stomping continues.

It’s off to a bodyscissors with a crossarm choke as Brock is dominating. He gets tired of the hold though and lets Rey up, allowing Mysterio to hit the 619 for a close two. A tilt-a-whirl headscissors and a standing hurricanrana give Rey two more but the West Coast Pop is countered into a powerbomb. The Brock Lock makes Rey tap.

Rating: C-. Mysterio was trying here and the match wasn’t bad, but there was no drama to the whole thing and that was pretty clear. It wouldn’t make sense to have Mysterio win here just because it was in his hometown and the amount of offense he got in was more than enough. Lesnar taunting him was fine and Mysterio didn’t get squashed so what more can you ask for?

Post match a fan, who was sitting with Mysterio’s family, runs in and it’s Hardcore Holly. The beating is on and some right hands send Brock outside to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. Not a bad show but as is WWE tradition, the build for the next pay per view can’t begin until this one is over, even if there’s no connection between the two shows. Benoit is still trying to get to the title and Cena is stuck not challenging for the US Title but at least we’re getting some good stuff with Eddie and Brock. The show needs a fresh top challenger though and Holly….I think that says enough.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: December 8, 2003
Location: Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, California
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for Armageddon, which has really snuck up on me this year. The big story coming out of last week was Mick Foley being named the new co-General Manager of Raw and balancing out Eric Bischoff’s power mad rampage. I’m sure this will be a new and innovative story that has never been done before in WWE. Let’s get to it.

Here’s last week’s show if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of last week, which saw Foley firing a bunch of people but then revealing that he was just joking to end the show. That’s quite the use of two hours.

Opening sequence.

Here are Chris Jericho and Christian with flowers to beg Trish and Lita’s forgiveness. Cue the ladies with Trish holding up a Canadian dollar. Jericho is shocked that this is what’s wrong because it was just a stupid joke. They recap the feud with Jericho trying to sweet talk his way out of things and Jericho begs forgiveness until she slaps him in the face. Trish and Lita beat the heck out of them with the flowers and it’s time for a match. Well with Christian and Jericho’s scheduled opponents.

Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. Chris Jericho/Christian

Jericho/Christian are challenging and we’re joined in progress with D-Von elbowing Christian in the face and nailing a powerslam. It’s off to Jericho to stomp on Bubba and the Canadians start in on the leg as Trish and Lita glare from the floor. A chinlock sets up more stomping as they’re not exactly going deep into the heel offense playbook here.

Rating: C-. Kind of a boring match for the most part but anything with ticked off Trish and Lita at ringside is a good thing. There’s more to this story and I’m still interested in where things are going. Bubba and D-Von are good for this role as you could have them hold the titles for a long time and it’s not a stretch to have Christian and Jericho lose to them here. Good story for a not that bad match.

Evolution recaps the plans to get the World Title back on HHH. Randy Orton is cool with that but promises to leave Armageddon as the Intercontinental Champion.

Christian and Jericho rant to Bischoff so he makes a mixed tag at Armageddon.

Batista vs. Rob Van Dam

Non-title. Rob doesn’t bother with the feeling out stuff and kicks Batista to the floor early on. Back in and the shoulders in the corner are shrugged off with Batista’s hard clothesline. Rob gets shoved outside as Lawler keeps singing Evolution’s praises. Back in and Rob is put upside down in the Tree of Woe to no avail as he’s right back with more kicks.

A dropkick puts Batista down and the stepover kick does it again. It’s too early for the Five Star though and the ref gets bumped. The Batista Bomb is countered into a fairly botched hurricanrana but Flair breaks up the split legged moonsault. Now the Batista Bomb can connect for the pin.

Rating: D+. Batista is being brought along slowly but he can hit a great looking powerbomb. Rob losing here is fine as it sets up the numbers game problem on Sunday and the loss wasn’t clean. This was all it should have been and Rob’s botches didn’t even hurt it that badly.

Garrison Cade/Mark Jindrak vs. Val Venis/Lance Storm

Before the match, Cade and Jindrak make it clear that they were NOT whining last week. Jindrak jumps Storm from behind and stomps away in the corner as Lawler is hoping that Storm and Venis’ ladies will be in one of Val’s films soon. A double suplex gets two and we hit the chinlock. Storm fights up and hits a dropkick, allowing the tag off to Venis so everything can break down. The Blue Thunder Bomb gets two on Jindrak but Cade’s distraction sets up a rollup (with trunks) to pin Venis. They didn’t have much time here and the match was really rushed.

Kane talks about killing his dog and leaving the carcass to rot in the woods. Every day he would go to see what was left of it, which made him feel good about himself. Goldberg being World Champion annoys him too so he’ll change that on Sunday.

Here’s Foley for a chat. He’s named himself guest referee for the Intercontinental Title match on Sunday, after several hours of consulting with himself. That brings him to Steve Austin, who needs to be reinstated. There are now over 500,000 signatures that want Austin back on Raw. We need more though so let’s pass this one around too. Before that can happen, here’s La Resistance to interrupt. They’re not cool with Foley humiliating him last week on national TV because Foley is a joke, JUST LIKE AMERICA!

We talk about Iraq some more (egads here we go again) and now it’s time to humiliate Foley. That’s why he’s going to salute the French flag or violence will ensue. Foley likes French fries, French toast and French’s mustard but he doesn’t like La Resistance. He’s not saluting the flag tonight so it’s almost on…..AND HERE’S THE ROCK! That wakes the fans up for the next year or so.

Rock isn’t sure what’s going on here because he knows Foley, he knows the people, he knows JR and King and he knows Lillian Garcia (“You still like the strudel?”) but he doesn’t know the two French guys. I think you know his reaction to their names and Rock wants to know if they were going to French kiss Foley to death. He accuses them of being a little Fifi themselves and threatens to smack their lips off their faces (that one never caught on). Dupree calls him Rocky and that doesn’t sit well with Rock.

They’re not going to win the Tag Team Titles on Sunday because one, they’re French and two, they suck. The French Army sucks too (and for some reason sounds like a Japanese stereotype) and would have surrendered to anyone. A tag match is teased until Foley calls the team the Sock N Rock Connection, which doesn’t sit well with Rock. The French guys jump them as they argue over the name but Rock remembers that he’s the Rock, meaning it’s time to nip up and beat the heck out of Dupree.

Mr. Socko sets up the spinebuster and People’s Elbow. Conway gets an Elbow of his own (from Foley this time) and Foley loads up Rock’s catchphrase. That is NOT cool though so Rock shows him how the tongue is supposed to go. Posing ensues and Rock even signs the Austin petition. This was a lot of fun and exactly the kind of a surprise that we needed after the boring stuff that goes on around here most weeks. Rock and Foley are always fun together and this was a blast all over again as it’s so rare to see Rock respect someone.

Bischoff has had Rock escorted from the building and makes Goldberg vs. Kane a lumberjack match with Bischoff himself picking the lumberjacks.

Booker T./Hurricane/Rosey vs. Mark Henry/Scott Steiner/Test

No Stacy Keibler in sight. Rosey runs Test over to start and drops a splash for two. It’s off to Hurricane for a rather positive reaction but Test tilt-a-whirl slams him down for some right hands. Steiner comes in for the push-up elbow and threatens Rosey with the same. A missed elbow allows the hot tag to Booker so house can be cleaned. The Spinarooni looks to set up the ax kick on Test but Henry comes in and runs people over as we take a break. Back with Henry dropping some big elbows and grabbing the chinlock.

Booker fights up but his rights and lefts have no effect. Henry’s clothesline gets two with Hurricane making the save and Steiner comes back in to some major booing. A forearm to the back keeps Booker down and Test slaps on a bearhug. Booker gets out with a spinebuster and brings in Hurricane to clean house. Hurricane’s neckbreaker drops Test but Henry comes in and runs him over, setting up the bearhug to knock Hurricane out for the win.

Rating: D. This was longer than it needed to be at nearly fifteen minutes, which didn’t help anyone but Henry. I know they’re going for the big monster push, but coming right after he lost to Goldberg isn’t the best strategy. He’s fine for what he is, but the bearhug and the monster offense feels like it’s out of the Hogan of the 1980s playbook.

Post match Booker gets bearhugged out as well.

Sign the petition!

Bischoff makes Evolution and Henry the lumberjacks.

The announcers recap the evening and run down the pay per view card.

Molly Holly/Victoria vs. Trish Stratus/Lita

Joined in progress with Trish chopping Molly in the corner as Jericho and Christian are watching from the ramp. A dropkick gives Trish two but Victoria gets in a knee from the apron. The spinning side slam gives Victoria two as Jericho wants Trish to show him what she has. It’s already back to Molly who powerbombs Trish to break up a hurricanrana attempt. Trish avoids a charge though and the hot tag brings in Lita for a monkey flip and an STO (there’s a combination you don’t often see). Cue Matt Hardy for a distraction though, allowing Molly and Victoria to hit a side slam/belly to back combo to pin Lita.

Rating: D+. Another uninspired match, as you probably guessed given how fast it had to go. Molly and Victoria have nothing going on, to the point where I completely forgot that Molly was Women’s Champion. Trish and Lita were the story of course here, and I’m almost scared to see what’s going to happen in the mixed tag.

Kane vs. Goldberg

Non-title lumberjack match. Goldberg goes right for him with heavy right hands and a shoulder but Kane sends him over the top. The obligatory lumberjack beatdown is on with JR saying they’d be in jail if not for Bischoff making them lumberjacks. Back in and Goldberg hammers away but gets thrown out again, meaning it’s time for Evolution to beat on him some more.

Kane nearly drops him on a side slam and it’s off to a sleeper. Goldberg gets up and counters the chokeslam into an FU, allowing him to send Kane outside. JR is INCENSED that the lumberjacks don’t beat on Kane so Goldberg goes outside and throws Kane back in himself. The spear is loaded up but Orton comes in for the DQ.

Rating: D. Sloppy and not much to see here but at least they stuck with the formula that makes sense for the match. Keeping it short was the right move though as Goldberg is best used in short bursts. Sunday’s title match doesn’t do much for me but the triple threat lets HHH (who has managed to miss a good portion of the build while filming a movie) get the title back again without repeating the same match for what, the fourth time? Who cares if it’s not interesting for the fans?

The beat down is on so here are Rob Van Dam and Booker T. to get taken out as well. Shawn Michaels is in for the save with a “straight martial arts kick” (better known as Sweet Chin Music to everyone but JR) to Flair. Sweet Chin Music (JR got it that time) to Kane sets up the spear to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. Rock’s segment came close to shaving this show but there’s only so much you can do on the go home show for a pay per view as lifeless as Sunday’s. This show is dying for someone with some energy near the top of the show as Goldberg is pretty obviously just holding the title for HHH and after that it’s a bunch of midcarders trying to be next in line to lose to HHH. That’s been the case for way too long now and it’s dragged the rest of the show down.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: December 4, 2003
Location: HP Pavilion, San Jose, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s a big night as we have a World Title match headlining the show. Before we can get to that match though, we need a challenger for the title. Therefore, tonight we’ll be seeing John Cena vs. Chris Benoit in a #1 contenders match with the winner facing Brock Lesnar for the World Title later in the night. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of the battle royal with Benoit and Cena both winning, setting up tonight’s title situation.

Here’s Brock to start things off and he wants us to get our YOU TAPPED OUT chants in now because no one will be able to say anything after tonight. He will never tap out again because he’s the greatest WWE Champion ever. Lesnar recaps last week’s events and says he knows Benoit and Cena are scared of him. He beats people up, just like Kurt Angle and Hardcore Holly. Tonight, he’s making someone tap out. This was one of the most unnecessary recaps in recent memory.

Rikishi/Scotty 2 Hotty vs. Basham Brothers

Non-title. Shaniqua unmasks the Bashams and let’s pause for a whipping. Again: these are your champions. Danny starts stupid by trying a sunset flip on Rikishi, earning himself a sitdown splash to the face. Doug and Scotty come in as things speed up, including Scotty hitting a flying forearm. Shaniqua’s save attempt earns her an ejection, leaving Danny to drop a Vader Bomb elbow for two on Scotty.

It’s off to an abdominal stretch for a bit with Scotty kicking Doug off and bringing Rikishi in. The big man cleans house and crushes Doug in the corner but here’s Shaniqua again. What a rule breaker. The Bashams switch and Danny hits Rikishi low. The Worm connects anyway but Rikishi is back up with the Samoan drop for the pin.

Rating: D-. Egads what a wreck, and that’s not even including the champions being whipped before the match. The match had very little flow to the match and was a bunch of back and forth brawling with little reason to any of it. The Bashams have been treated like jokes since winning the titles and I have no idea why they’re still champions, save for having no one else to win the things. It’s not like the World’s Greatest Tag Team is on the same show and could have great matches with just about anyone.

Post match Shaniqua yells that they don’t deserve her and walks off. Again: the Tag Team Champions everyone.

We recap the Hardcore Holly vs. Brock Lesnar feud.

Paul Heyman is sick of Holly when Dawn Marie comes in, trying to sleep her way into power. Heyman isn’t interested but does tell her to take a memo: Holly is still suspended. She can also have Shannon Moore meet him in the ring. Thank you for not having Heyman turn into a Vince clone.

Here’s Heyman, flanked by Nathan Jones and Matt Morgan. We see some clips of Shannon Moore’s decimation in recent weeks at the monsters’ hands. Heyman wants Shannon out here right now, which tells me that Dawn is really bad at her job. With Shannon in the ring, Heyman praises him for taking a beating and coming back for more over and over again. Therefore, Shannon gets another match tonight.

Big Show vs. Shannon Moore

Non-title of course. Shannon, who looks terrified, tries a plancha to the floor. Show catches him in midair and throws Shannon from the floor onto the top rope in a cool power display. They head inside with a heck of a clothesline taking Shannon’s head off. Show rips at his face and drops a leg before finishing with the chokeslam in very short order.

Jamie Noble again tells Nidia to stay in the back during his match. She’s already caused him to have two strikes against ever getting another Cruiserweight Title shot. This is about her safety though. Nidia is disappointed but Jamie has an idea.

Sakoda vs. Jamie Noble

Jamie brings Nidia out with him and hammers away at Sakoda to start. A clothesline takes Noble down and a backbreaker keeps him in trouble. Sakoda gets sent outside though and Jamie adds a suicide dive (more like a suicide shove) to keep him down. The referee has to deal with Tajiri though, allowing Noble to throw Nidia inside and ram her into Sakoda. That’s enough to set up a rollup to give Noble the pin.

Rating: D+. There wasn’t much time to do anything here but it’s nice to see Noble get a win. At the same time though, it’s not nice to see Noble turning heel again after he was starting to find his footing as a face. I’m not sure where this leaves Noble though, as he doesn’t have an opponent since the division basically doesn’t exist. Hopefully he’s still around though because I’ve enjoyed him more than most people on this show as of late.

Post match Nidia freaks out so Noble tells her that Tajiri’s other goon threw her inside.

Cole and Tazz act like Noble shot someone.

We look back at the end of the battle royal again. It’s impressive that they managed to get their feet on the ground at the exact same time.

Cena is ready to do whatever it takes to win. Benoit comes in and says he can get the Crossface on at anytime.

John Cena vs. Chris Benoit

Before the match, Cena says Heyman is protecting Brock because either of them could beat Brock. Benoit wastes no time in pounding Cena down in the corner and getting two off a shoulder. The hard clothesline and the Shuffle give Cena the same as the fans are behind Cena so far. A double chickenwing keeps Benoit in trouble and a spinebuster gets two. Cena shows off the power with a delayed vertical suplex but the frustration over the kickout lets Benoit roll the German suplexes. The Swan Dive misses though and the FU connects for the pin….but Benoit’s foot was on the ropes.

The referee didn’t see it so here’s a second referee to throw us to instant replay. As you try to figure out if WWE has ever done that before or since, the match is ruled to restart. Back from a break with Cena missing a clothesline and having his arm slammed into the mat. Benoit dropkicks the arm and hits a hammerlock northern lights suplex as the target is set up. More kicks and stomps to the arm as Taz thinks Cena can’t get out of the blocks. How much more out of them does he need to get when he already pinned Benoit once?

We hit an armbar for a few moments but Cena shoves him away and scores with a knee to the ribs. That’s fine with Benoit, who is right back with a Sharpshooter. Cena makes a rope and Tazz calls this a pick’em, despite Benoit being in full control. An FU (more like a Samoan drop) puts Benoit down but here’s Big Show for a distraction. Benoit is right there with the Crossface and Cena taps to give Benoit the title shot.

Rating: B. It was a little overbooked but it told a story and the right guy won. Even if Benoit loses later in the night, it’s as simple of an excuse as he went fifteen minutes earlier in the night and isn’t at 100%. Cena isn’t ready for this big of a win yet and he gets some points back from the pin earlier in the match. This should set up Big Show vs. Cena (non-title of course because Big Show isn’t that kind of champion) but I could see them waiting around even more on the big Cena push.

Chavo Guerrero has a match but wants Eddie to stay in the back, despite Chavo having a bad knee. Eddie wants to know what’s wrong with him but Chavo says for once, it’s about him.

Shelton Benjamin vs. Chavo Guerrero

Chavo is ready to go but here’s Eddie in a lowrider anyway. Well he did rent the thing already so it’s not costing anything extra. Shelton jumps the distracted Chavo from behind but a headscissors gets Chavo out of trouble. As this is going on, Eddie pulls out a lawn chair, one of those hats with a pair of drinks (Y J Stinger in this case) and a Smackdown Magazine.

Shelton uses the second distraction to start going after the knee with a shinbreaker and a leglock. Back up and Chavo makes a standard comeback, capped off with a tornado DDT. The referee has to deal with Charlie Haas though, leaving Eddie to frog splash Shelton and give Eddie the pin.

Rating: C-. Just a quick angle advancement here as Chavo’s full on heel turn gets one week close. That’s the smart move too as the fans aren’t going to boo Eddie no matter what he does at this point. Chavo isn’t the most interesting guy but a family member stabbing him in the back and turning on him is going to work just fine.

Video on Brock Lesnar.

Benoit shows us the clip of Brock tapping at Survivor Series, triggering the YOU TAPPED OUT chants.

The FBI takes bets on the main event with A-Train betting $10,000 on Benoit. That’s quite the show of respect. It’s also a show of the two feuding again after Benoit loses.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Chris Benoit

Benoit is challenging. Brock wastes no time in firing off the hard shoulders in the corner and stomping at the ribs. Some armdrags send Lesnar outside and Benoit posts him for good measure. Back in and a Crossface attempt sends Lesnar outside again. Benoit tries to go a bit too fast though and gets caught in what would become known as the Shell Shock. Brock sends him outside again and gorilla press drops him on the announcers’ table.

It’s time for the rear naked choke but since this isn’t MMA Brock yet, it’s a glorified chinlock. Benoit fights up, only to charge into a tilt-a-whirl powerslam to send us to a break. Back with Benoit missing a charge and falling out to the floor. One heck of a whip into the steps rocks Benoit but really seems to wake him up for some right hands to Lesnar’s head. Another whip into the steps has Brock in trouble but he’s right back with a release German suplex to cut Benoit off again.

Much like Benoit earlier, Brock tries to get too speedy and charges into the post, allowing Benoit to show him the proper way to roll German suplexes. A flying tackle of all things sets up the Swan Dive for two but Brock rolls out of the Crossface. The ref gets bumped (erg) and the Crossface goes on, making Lesnar tap. Brock hits a very fast F5 with Benoit landing on his back for a delayed two. With the YOU TAPPED OUT chants making Brock angrier, he chairs Benoit on the knee and debuts the Brock Lock, bending Benoit’s knee around his neck and sitting down like a half crab. Benoit passes out to retain Brock’s title.

Rating: B+. That’s all you could hope for it to be with Benoit getting closer and closer every single time but not being able to get over the goal line again. As mentioned though, you can just point to him having two matches tonight and it’s instantly excused. Throw in Brock tapping to the Crossface and you could easily have a rematch.

Post match Brock puts on a Crossface of his own and grabs Benoit’s hand to make him tap.

Overall Rating: B-. They’re advancing several stories here and that’s a good thing, though some of the stories are a good bit better than others. Benoit looked like a star here and that’s what matters most. I could go for Cena vs. Lesnar at the Royal Rumble instead of Lesnar vs. Holly, but since the story is already there with Holly, WWE’s hands are completely tied and they have no choice but to go that way instead of with the interesting and better match. The wrestling was good here, but I could go for some heels that aren’t either Heyman or not covered in muscles for a change. Issues aside, good night overall.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: December 1, 2003
Location: ARCO Arena, Sacramento, California
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re in the final month of the year now and last week’s Raw Roulette….didn’t change much. At the moment we’re STILL on HHH vs. Goldberg, but the Trish/Lita/Chris Jericho/Christian story is still charging strong to keep the show interesting. Well mildly interesting but that’s better than nothing. Let’s get to it.

Here’s last week’s show if you need a recap.

Eric Bischoff is in the dark to start and announces Randy Orton/Batista/Kane vs. Rob Van Dam and Shawn Michaels for tonight. The evil boss continues.

Opening sequence.

Here’s a ticked off Goldberg to start things off. As he poses, we see a group of fans holding up the individual letter signs to spell out G-O-L-D-B-U-R-G. They have that many people in a group and no one knows how to spell? Goldberg talks about getting jumped from behind out here every single week and he’s tired of it. He wants HHH and Kane right now but here’s Bischoff instead, because we haven’t done a corrupt boss vs. top face story in a few weeks.

Bischoff yells at him for trying to create mass chaos on his show and threatens him with a firing, champion or not. This is the Eric Bischoff Show and Eric is all that matters. No one can stop him, but here’s Mick Foley, in a suit, to interrupt. Foley introduces himself to Goldberg and says there’s something he can do about Bischoff. See, Linda McMahon thinks Vince is a little nuts at the moment, so Foley has been hired as an outside consultant with the power to make any necessary changes to this show. I’m not sure this company knows what “consultant” means.

Anyway, tonight Goldberg is going to be with Van Dam and Michaels in a six man tag instead of a handicap match. That’s it for Goldberg but Foley isn’t done. Next up is Steve Austin, who needs to be back on Raw. Foley has a petition to bring Austin back, which starts with Lillian and gets to go around the arena. Oh and Foley is the new Co-GM. So to recap, we’re right back where we were three weeks ago but with Foley instead of Austin. I’m so glad we’ve spent all that time getting so far.

Post break Bischoff calls Linda, who hangs up on him.

Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. Mark Jindrak/Garrison Cade

Jindrak and Cade are challenging of course. Cade tries to talk trash to Bubba to start s Bubba slaps him in the ribs (that’s a rare one) and demands respect. D-Von comes in for a powerslam and everything breaks down. Cade’s rollup with tights gets two so D-Von does the same thing (properly this time) to retain in a hurry.

Post match Cade demands we see the cheating on the screen so we see him cheating first. D-Von’s is shown second and that means they deserve a rematch. Well it’s not like the face run was working in the first place.

Al Snow is with Coach and says “Jade and Kindrak” (if I remember right, Snow did this on purpose to get people talking about the team, which is more than WWE did for a long time) could win the titles with another shot. Foley comes in and says he wants to relive the old days. People ask about his worst injuries and while losing the ear and the Cell dive hurt, nothing was as bad as Coach and Snow on commentary. Therefore, tonight it’s Coach vs. Lawler with Coach’s job on the line.

Booker T. vs. Test

Booker wastes no time in hammering away in the corner. Test drops him face first onto the turnbuckle but Booker punches him back again. A bicycle kick to the face (you don’t see Booker use that one very often) gets two but Test is right back with the pumphandle slam. Stacy Keibler shoves the feet off the ropes though and the distraction lets Booker hit the ax kick for the fast pin.

Post match Booker has Stacy do the Legarooni. The schoolgirl outfit is now even more popular but here’s Mark Henry to jump Booker and give him the World’s Strongest Slam.

Lita gives Trish Stratus a Chris Jericho action figure and Trish talks about how she’s never felt this way before. Trish tries to ask about Lita and Christian but Lita asks about last week. Apparently it was very special and they talked about their feelings all night. Tonight is going to be special too because she made him a Canada hockey jersey for him. She’ll give it to him tonight and have something special underneath it. Tonight might be “the” night.

JR and King tell us how we can sign the Austin petition online.

We look back at Batista destroying Shawn Michaels last week.

Batista wishes he had done more.

Here are Scott Steiner, Test and a distressed Stacy for a chat. Steiner thinks Stacy is forgetting her place, which is why she needs to join a special club. Vince McMahon founded it but it’s time for Steiner and Test to start their own chapter. The pants come down (only Steiner has anything underneath) but here’s Foley to interrupt. He’s got some more orders, including Stacy coming up to the stage to consult for him. As for her future, it’s not a problem because Test is fired. Steiner protests because they need to win the Tag Team Titles. Ok then, Steiner is fired too.

Post break Steiner and Test rant to Bischoff a lot. They leave with nothing fixed so Eric says he’ll take care of this himself.

La Resistance vs. Val Venis/Lance Storm

Foley is on commentary and openly admits that he’s drunk with power and loving it. Lawler is very confused as Foley says he sees some white meat babyface potential (his words) in La Resistance. Dupree dropkicks Venis out of the air to start as JR talks about being proud to be an American. A back elbow drops Venis for one and it’s off to the chinlock. Venis fights up and brings Storm in as everything breaks down. While Foley talks about Tag Team Turmoil returning at Armageddon, a quick Hart Attack ends Dupree in another short match.

Post match, Foley praises La Resistance despite their high levels of being French. He offers them a chance to be back on the good side with the Pledge of Allegiance. Conway kind of goes along with it but Dupree has nothing to do with it (because he’s not American). Therefore, Dupree is fired. Foley: “Oops I did it again.”

Trish Stratus/Chris Jericho vs. Miss Jackie/Rico

Trish can’t stop smiling at Jericho. Rico shoves Trish down at the bell and that’s not cool with Jericho at all. The guys start and it’s Rico poking him in the eye to take over. JR hopes Jericho and Trish “write a novel together”. After that odd line, Jericho chops away but can’t get an early Walls attempt. It’s off to the women with Trish firing off some forearms and chopping Jackie up against the ropes.

Jericho distracts the referee by mistake so Rico can get in a cheap shot, setting up Jackie’s suplex for two. It’s off to something like a dragon sleeper as Jerry questions Rico’s gender. A shoulder takes Trish down for two and it’s time for a botch with Jackie missing a clothesline but looking down at Trish, who falls without contact. Hey, all things considered between these two, that’s not half bad!

Trish gets in a spinebuster to set up the hot tag to Jericho as things speed up again. Rico SMACKS Jericho in the head with a springboard kick but gets punched out of the air. The bulldog looks to set up the Lionsault but Jericho has to bail out. Instead it’s a slingshot dive to hit Rico on the floor, leaving Trish to hit the Stratusphere and Stratusfaction on Jackie for the pin.

Rating: C. All things (including that bad botch) considered, this was a minor miracle. Jericho is Jericho (and I love the face version more than the heel, at least in the ring) and Rico is underrated, but who knew that Jackie could have a pretty watchable match? Sure she wasn’t in there very long but she only botched one move, which is probably a record for her.

Eric recaps the night to Kane, who he wants to take care of Foley.

Matt Hardy vs. Christian

Matt, who is more handsome than Christian, has Mattitude Facts back. Lita is in Christian’s corner so she can keep up with Trish and Jericho. They slug it out to start and head to the floor as Lita looks on with a bit of a smile. Christian snaps the back of Matt’s neck across the top rope for two but gets caught in a suplex for two more. It’s almost weird seeing face Christian vs. heel Matt.

We hit the abdominal stretch as Lawler tries to find out what color thong Lita is wearing. Back up and Matt shoves Christian off the top to set up the middle rope legdrop for two. Matt grabs the double arm crank as Lawler wants to know what happened to the midget JR caught last week. The Side Effect cuts off another Christian comeback but Matt goes outside to yell at Lita. That goes nowhere so Matt crotches himself on the middle rope instead. The Unprettier gives Christian two but here’s Molly Holly to send Lita into the steps. Christian is distracted and gets rolled up for the pin.

Rating: B-. Sometimes you just need a nice match to spruce up a show. So much of the show has been built around the short matches and that’s not the most thrilling thing in the world. Let us have something a little more interesting, like this, and the show gets a lot better. Christian is an awesome face and it’s still strange to see this face/heel dynamic between these two.

Jerry Lawler vs. Jonathan Coachman

Right hands, belly to back suplex, fist drop and pin in less than a minute. So that’s it for Coach.

You know the song that Lawler sings because IT’S THE SAME THING THEY DO EVERY TIME SOMEONE IS FIRED. The singing lasts as long as the match.

Pay per view rundown.

Jericho and Christian are in the back to talk about the moment that Christian and Lita just had. Chris laughs it off because Trish has been falling for everything he’s been saying for weeks. Something seems to be afoot as they talk about how close they are to, ahem, sealing the deal with their respective ladies. It turns out that they have a bet for a Canadian dollar of who can score first. As you might expect, Trish is right outside the door with the jersey she made. This is another example of wrestlers somehow not noticing the camera there for a REALLY IMPORTANT TALK.

Randy Orton/Batista/Kane vs. Goldberg/Rob Van Dam/Shawn Michaels

No HHH in sight. Orton and Van Dam get things going with Rob kicking away to start and loading up a far too early Five Star. That sends Randy bailing to the floor so Rob dives onto him, leaving Orton in a heap. Back in and Batista runs him over with a clothesline as the beating begins. Flair adds some choking so JR adds a plug for the awesome Flair DVD, followed by Rob kicking Batista in the face.

That’s enough for a tag off to Shawn so things can speed up again. The big elbow connects but a Flair distraction lets Kane chokeslam Shawn. Back from a break with Kane uppercutting Shawn down and handing it off to Batista. The fans want Goldberg but get Batista grabbing a chinlock instead. Batista switches to a choke so Shawn kicks him low (pretty out of character) to escape for the tag off to Goldberg. Orton is crushed in short order and Goldberg wants Kane.

The brawl is on with Goldberg pounding Kane down in the corner with a rather frenzied attack. There’s the spear but Evolution breaks up the Jackhammer. That sends Goldberg and Kane over the barricade to keep fighting and Orton takes Rolling Thunder. Flair pulls the referee out so Rob adds a Five Star with Foley running in to count the pin.

Rating: C. Pretty run of the mill six man main event here with three feuds in one. I’ve always been a fan of that style and it’s the best thing you can do in a situation like this. I’d rather do something like this than try to squeeze in three short segments to hype up the matches individually. It’s also smart to have Rob get something on Orton because it’s been pretty one sided so far.

Post match Bischoff comes out and wants to talk to Foley one on one. Bischoff says Foley has killed Raw and Foley nods a bit. The thing is though, Foley never signed any release papers so everyone is still around. He just wanted to show Bischoff what happens when you get drunk with power like Bischoff. Foley is a man of the people and therefore, next week it’s Kane vs. Goldberg. For the people tonight, Foley brings out Mr. Socko to take care of Bischoff to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. Foley being there helped but it feels like this show could have taken us to the middle of January instead of through two hours. Have Foley fire a person or two a week and THEN bring them back later when Bischoff is about to snap. Or have him bring them back in exchange for Austin being allowed to come back or something big like that. It’s still a good show and they made me more interested in the pay per view but I’ve going to need more than what I’m getting here. And just slow down a bit. That’s been a problem for WWE for years and it’s still one in 2003.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: November 27, 2003
Location: BSU Pavilion, Boise, Idaho
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s Thanksgiving and there are some stories that are starting to pick up steam. Last week saw Chris Benoit continue his feud with Smackdown World Champion Brock Lesnar and John Cena seemed ready to start something with Vince McMahon. They have about two months before they can do anything on pay per view but maybe we can get a big TV match in there somewhere. Let’s get to it.

Here’s last week’s show if you need a recap.

We open with most of the roster standing on the apron and Paul Heyman in the ring. Tonight the spirit of opportunity is in the air because there will be a twenty man battle royal. The winner will receive a shot at Brock Lesnar, who comes to the ring to join Heyman. Lesnar is thankful to be twenty six years old and on his way to being the greatest WWE Champion of all time.

The YOU TAPPED OUT chants get on his nerves but he swears that he’s not afraid of anyone. He’s not afraid of a Mexican jumping bean, or someone who stands 7ft tall and weighs 500lbs or a guy who has never been champion (Cena) or a guy who will never be champion (Benoit). The chants start again and Lesnar admits that he did, but he’ll never do it again. Whoever wins the battle royal is going to tap out instead. Brock whispers something to Heyman, who decides that Cena and Benoit have to qualify for the battle royal. Cena has to defeat A-Train and Benoit will face a hand picked opponent, with that match starting next.

Chris Benoit vs. Matt Morgan

This couldn’t be announced five minutes in advance? Benoit baseball slides him before the bell but Morgan goes to the basic power by throwing him into various corners. A suplex and legdrop to the stomp give Morgan two but he misses the running crotch attack to the back. The Swan Dive misses but Benoit reverses a powerbomb into the Crossface for the win.

Rating: D. Time takes another one here as there’s not much Benoit can do when all he’s able to hit are chops and the Crossface. Morgan is still very green and needs more time in developmental, but he has the look and some of the movement down. The size, power and visuals will carry him far enough though and that’s a good starting point.

Jamie Noble asks Nidia if she can’t see because she might be trying to get extra attention. Nidia mocks her for the stupid question so he shouts in her ear because he thinks being blind and deaf are the same things. He brings up her being a liability at ringside so she promises to just sit at ringside, which is enough to make him give in. Also of note: Jamie says a win tonight could get him into the battle royal so he could become WWE Champion. If he’s allowed to compete for that title, why does the Cruiserweight Title exist?

We get a weird (and stupid) bit with Cole and Tazz as CGI turkeys. It’s as dumb as it sounds.

The Cat is here tonight.

Jamie Noble vs. Akio

Nidia is on commentary. Akio jumps him from behind to start and stomps away in the corner as Nidia talks about the possibilities of getting her sight back. A suicide dive takes Akio down but Noble chases Tajiri, allowing Akio to spinwheel kick him down. We hit the pinfall reversal sequence as Nidia is getting annoyed at not being able to see any of this.

A double clothesline takes both guys down and cheers for Jamie after hearing what happened. Jamie gets two off a swinging neckbreaker but Tajiri is going over to Nidia. A superplex drops Akio as Tajiri is now standing on the table in front of her. Nidia is told what’s going on and slowly walks her hands up Tajiri’s legs, setting up one of the best looking low blows I’ve seen in a long time. Tajiri’s eyes bug out as Akio rolls up a distracted Jamie for the pin.

Rating: C-. That low blow alone made the match work and Jamie continues to be one of the most consistent performers on the roster at the moment. Even with an annoying gimmick he’s making the thing work and putting on good matches. I’d love to see him actually get the title back but that’s as far as he’s going to go, which is the annoying part of being a cruiserweight.

Heyman comes in to see the injured Shannon Moore and, after a plug for Smackdown Magazine, gives him a match with Nathan Jones.

Rey Mysterio is thankful for the fans dialing up 619 and for being alive. Well those are rather opposite ends of the spectrum.

Shannon Moore vs. Nathan Jones

Shannon tries his luck and dropkicks Jones before he can get inside. Jones lifts him from the floor to the top rope and shoves him back onto the floor in a big crash. Two raised feet in the corner rock Jones but he’s right back with a reverse slam off the top. Back in and a release gutwrench suplexes ends the slaughter. Moore’s selling continues to be good in something like this.

The Thanksgiving party took place earlier today with John Cena coming in to rap the blessing, which involves sex jokes about every woman on the roster.

Eddie Guerrero runs into Chavo, who is on crutches after last week. Chavo is going to be ringside for Eddie’s match but Eddie wants Chavo to worry about the knee. Don’t worry though, because Eddie’s success is more important.

Charlie Haas vs. Eddie Guerrero

Charlie’s right hands have very little effect to start as Eddie snaps off a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. That’s enough of the back so Eddie starts in on the knee with Chavo adding in a few shots of his own. Haas gets in his own backbreaker for his own two as the fans start some solid Eddie chanting. With that not working, Charlie starts in on the arm to really change things up. Annoyed at Haas for not trying the same thing for very long, Eddie sends him head first into the buckle a few times, followed by Three Amigos. Shelton Benjamin gets on the apron so Eddie steals Chavo’s crutch to hit Charlie for the pin.

Rating: C. As has been the case for the last few weeks, this was a short match that could have gone longer but I can get the idea of putting in more stuff and going with the logical, positive development. Eddie using the crutch was pretty heelish but he’s just going to grin his way out of it, as tends to be his case.

Post match Shelton beats on Chavo so Eddie makes the save with the crutch. Chavo rips into Eddie for STEALING AN INJURED MAN’S ONLY CRUTCH. Well yeah that’s pretty low.

John Cena vs. A-Train

A-Train breaks up the rap and stomps away but misses the bicycle kick. Instead he runs Cena over and gets two off a running powerslam. It’s off to an abdominal stretch for a few moments before Cena is tossed outside. As the announcers have a discussion of whether or not turkeys have hair, the referee gets bumped so Cena can kick the rope for a low blow. The referee is back up to see a slow motion ProtoBomb but A-Train is right back with a Derailer for two. That means it’s time to be frustrated so A-Train throws some chairs in, only to walk into the FU for the pin.

Rating: D+. They’re doing well with the progression of Cena’s face turn here as the cheating is getting less frequent. Here, he finished clean with the FU instead of using one of the chairs that A-Train threw in. He’s starting to see the light, but he’s also getting to the point where he can win without the cheating. They’re getting there.

We recap Hardcore Holly attacking Brock Lesnar last week and getting suspended.

Hardcore Holly joins us for a live interview and says he’s appealed his suspension (To whom? Vince? The mythical board of directors?) and is coming for Brock. I would say run but….is that really a threat?

Here’s Lamont to introduce his boss: The Cat, to what would become Brodus Clay’s theme music. For those of you who don’t remember him, that would be Ernest Miller, a decent talker who couldn’t wrestle a good match 80% of the time (he wasn’t the worst but rarely got out of first gear) and danced a lot while talking like James Brown. Cat dances, no one cares, hometown girl Torrie Wilson comes out to join him, a few people care. Torrie pulls out the lollipop and puts it in her mouth before lowering it into his mouth. Cat goes into convulsions as Torrie leaves. This took nearly seven minutes.

John Cena wishes some friends and family a Happy Thanksgiving.

Battle Royal

John Cena, Chris Benoit, Charlie Haas, Shelton Benjamin, A-Train, Bradshaw, Johnny Stamboli, Rey Mysterio, Eddie Guerrero, Ultimo Dragon, Orlando Jordan, Chuck Palumbo, Danny Basham, Doug Basham, Rhyno, Rikishi, Scotty 2 Hotty, Matt Morgan, Nathan Jones, Big Show

Show actually goes after Morgan for a few seconds but Jones saves Rikishi for some reason. A bunch of people go after Show but he shoves them all away. They try it again and actually try to lift him this time, meaning the elimination works. I’m surprised they got rid of him that fast. Show clotheslines Jordan in the aisle to blow off some steam as we go to a quick break.

Back with Jones and Bradshaw having been eliminated during the commercial. Mysterio and Guerrero go at it and the fans REALLY like that one but no one is tossed. Rey hurricanranas Eddie to the apron as A-Train kicks Scotty out. Rhyno is up with a Gore to A-Train and Eddie dropkicks A-Train out, followed by Morgan eliminating Rhyno as well. There’s a 619 to Shelton as everything slows down. Rikishi is the next person to get the group elimination but takes Haas, Palumbo and Morgan with him.

We’re down to Cena, Benoit, Doug Basham, Mysterio, Guerrero and Benjamin. Cena and Benoit catch Mysterio’s springboard and toss him as well with Basham going out seconds later. The final four go to a corner each and the fans are behind Cena here. Eddie hurricanranas Benoit as Cena and Shelton fight in the corner. They trade off and Cena takes Three Amigos but isn’t ready to be eliminated.

Shelton is back up with a hard powerbomb on Eddie but Benoit grabs the rolling German suplexes on Benjamin to put everyone down. Eddie is up with a frog splash on Benjamin but walks into the FU. Now the rolling German suplexes drops Cena so Shelton pops up with a superkick to Benoit. Shelton throws Benoit over but a little skinning the cat allows Benoit to pull himself up for a headscissors to get rid of Benjamin.

Cena dumps Eddie and we’re down to two. The slugout goes to Cena but Benoit grabs the Crossface to make Cena tap (you don’t see that too often). Instead of dumping him though, Benoit drops Cena ribs first onto the top rope. They fight onto the apron and fall to the floor at the same time for the double elimination.

Rating: C+. This got way better once we got to the final four when there was some drama about the winner. They didn’t waste time getting rid of a bunch of the dead weight here and it was cool to see Shelton getting a bit of a push. Cena is clearly the future around here though and that makes thing more interesting. Good match here and it didn’t feel long at all, which is a rarity in battle royals.

The referees, wrestlers and announcers argue as Lesnar and Heyman come out for the title match. Back from a break with replays showing that they really do land at the same time. The referees still don’t agree and both wrestlers swear they win. Heyman thinks that means a triple threat but that wouldn’t be in the best interest of the title. Therefore, Cena and Benoit can fight next week and the winner will get the title shot later that night. So there’s your non-pay per view big TV show of the month. Team Lesnar runs in to beat down Cena and Benoit with Lesnar wishing them a happy Thanksgiving to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Lame ending aside with the lack of the advertised title match, it’s cool to have a show that actually has an interesting goal and then focuses on that goal for two hours. Most of the matches have to do with setting up the battle royal and you can feel Cena and Benoit getting bigger and bigger every week. There’s a lot of potential in there and if they do it right, Smackdown could be a heck of a show again in very short order.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/03/23/new-paperback-kbs-grab-bag/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: November 24, 2003
Location: E Center, Salt Lake City, Utah
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re coming up on Thanksgiving but more importantly tonight is a double shot with HHH challenging Goldberg for the Raw World Title and Raw Roulette all night long. It’s a night of Spin the Wheel Make the Deal, which used to be one of my favorite ideas when I was a kid. Now let’s see how WWE can screw it up. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

The roulette wheel is in the ring to start, accompanied by Eric Bischoff and a pair of showgirls. Bischoff reiterates that Raw Roulette is taking place because this is such a boring town and explains the concept. We get the first spin for a match to be announced but it’s Shawn Michaels with an interruption instead. Shawn says Bischoff interrupted him last week so this is his way of returning the favor. He’s spent the last week thinking back to Survivor Series and now it’s completely clear: he did the exact right thing. Shawn gave the fight of his life and didn’t cost Austin his job.

Cue Batista to say he cost Austin his job. Shawn wants the “jacked up nimrod” to come fight right now so he comes, only to have Bischoff cut them off. The match is made for Armageddon but tonight, as per the wheel, it’s Bischoff’s Choice. Tonight, we’ll do Batista/Ric Flair vs. Shawn/Chris Jericho.

Lita vs. Victoria

In a cage via a spin from Molly Holly and I believe the first women’s cage match in company history. Lita throws her her into the cage a few times to start and Lawler is panicking over Victoria’s thong being exposed. Victoria gets in her spinning side slam for two but Lita gets in a monkey flip and some right hands. A hurricanrana nearly drops Victoria on her head but she’s able to get in a slam off the top.

Lita goes up again….and falls off with no one touching her. That’s a really bad sign, as is Victoria ramming her into the cage again. A powerbomb pulls Victoria off the cage and there’s the moonsault. Lita goes for the door and here’s Matt Hardy to slam the door on her head to give Victoria the easy win.

Rating: D-. That fall off the cage looked so bad and there was no saving this thing. There was little drama and with only four minutes, you can’t get much done in there. It’s not a good match and there’s no real build to it, which is what’s going to cause problems with the show all night long.

Post match Matt goes after Lita but Christian runs in for the save.

Bischoff’s showgirls are huddled around Randy Orton, who promises to win the Intercontinental Title at Armageddon. He has a match tonight too and Bischoff has already spun the wheel for him (erg), setting up a Legend Killer match. Orton leaves and here are Hurricane and Rosey, who have a match tonight as well. They’ll be having a midget catching match and here’s a midget named Fernando, who runs off. Bischoff actually explains the match and Hurricane isn’t sure, so Bischoff says if they refuse, the loser gets fired. Hurricane: “I see. Rosey, wait here.” The chase is on.

Sgt. Slaughter vs. Randy Orton

Slaughter grabs a quickly broken Cobra Clutch as the fans chant USA. You know, in opposition to that foreigner from the far off city of St. Louis. Orton forearms him down and pounds away, setting up a sleeper. That’s reversed into a camel clutch which Slaughter reverses into another Cobra Clutch. Orton makes the rope and kicks him low, setting up the RKO for the pin. This was a thing that happened.

Post match Orton stomps away until Rob Van Dam makes the save.

Video on Goldberg vs. HHH from Survivor Series and the handicap match from last week.

Val Venis and Lance Storm are waiting for some women to arrive. These are a little more conservative than usual so they have to prove that they’re nicer guys. The ladies, looking pretty much the same as most of Venis’ women, show up and are ready to go out but are worried about wrestlers being too crazy. Cue Hurricane and Rosey, the former with a net, chasing Fernando. Storm: “They’re not with us.”

Ric Flair and Coach plug the Ultimate Ric Flair DVD set (Amen brother. That thing was awesome.) with Flair promising to take care of Shawn tonight.

Matt Hardy is ready to spin the wheel but first, insists that he’s slammed the door on Lita for good. Hang on though, as Bischoff has to gloat about firing Austin, though he does plug Austin’s upcoming UPN special. It’s a Strange Bedfellows match (Matt: “WHOA WHOA WHOA! Version 1 is straight!”), meaning a tag match with first time ever partners.

Lillian starts introducing the next match but hang on because we need to see Goldberg spearing HHH in video game form.

Bubba Ray Dudley/Garrison Cade vs. Matt Hardy/Christian

Rating: D. Angle instead of a match and that’s fine enough. Cade and Mark Jindrak have nothing going for them so giving the team a few wins isn’t the worst idea in the world. The gimmick allowed that to happen and it’s not quite as big of a deal as a cage match so this isn’t as annoying. Nothing match of course.

JR is aghast at Matt walking out on this nothing tag match. He wasn’t this annoyed at SLAMMING A METAL DOOR ON HER HEAD EARLIER. Cade hands Bubba the title but doesn’t let it go. Bubba yells a bit and Cade sneers as he leaves.

Shawn Michaels promises to beat the odds again tonight. He goes to leave but stops to point out the midget looking up Terri’s dress. A chase ensues.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Goldberg

HHH is challenging. They talk trash to start until a Flair distraction lets HHH deck him from behind. That earns HHH a hard clothesline and the fight heads outside with Goldberg’s ankle seeming fine so far. Goldberg gets sent hard into the steps and it’s time to start working over the shoulder. You know, instead of the ankle that was broken about a month ago.

A knee drop rocks Goldberg again but he’s still able to slam HHH off the top. For some reason Goldberg thinks ducking your head against HHH is a good idea and that means a facebuster. The gorilla press powerslam drops HHH again but Flair grabs the foot. Cue Orton to grab Goldberg, which should be a DQ, but seems to be nothing as HHH hits the Pedigree to draw out Kane. That just earns him a spear so Kane comes in and attacks Goldberg to FINALLY draw the DQ. I’m not sure if that was a missed spot or really bad officiating but it looked terrible more than once.

Rating: D+. The ending destroys any good stuff this could have been but the bigger problem is how these two just don’t work well together. They haven’t had a good match yet and this feud has been going on since before Summerslam. HHH works too much of a power style to make this work and it’s not getting better every time they fight. We’ll be getting it again too and that’s really annoying to hear, but it’s what HHH wants so who are we to complain?

Post break HHH and Kane storm into Bischoff’s office so a triple threat is made for Armageddon.

Fernando runs through the parking lot.

Booker T. vs. Mark Henry

Rating: D+. There’s something to be said about Henry wrecking the weapons and doing the scary power stuff. It’s not a good match of course but I was entertained and that’s as good as you can get here. The problem is it’s also bad booking as you don’t want Henry and Booker T. trading wins in short matches. That philosophy doesn’t work, no matter how much WWE likes to think it does.

Trish Stratus gets a bra and panties match but doesn’t seem to mind. She leaves and runs into Chris Jericho, who offers to use his Bischoff favor to get her out of it. Trish: “I’ve got this.” Jericho: “I know you’ve got it but I can go talk to him.” Trish talks about the Shawn tag match and Trish wants him to be the man that she knows he is. Maybe if he’s good with Shawn tonight, she’ll be good with him tonight. That gets Jericho’s attention.

JR plugs the Austin special. As he and Lawler are talking, Fernando runs up and sits on JR’s lap, making him the winner. JR puts his hat on Fernando, who has a mustache, and calls him a little fella.

Rob Van Dam vs. Scott Steiner/Test

The wheel comes up with a handicap match but Orton convinces Bischoff to spin it again for a bonus stipulation, which is a Singapore cane match. Rob knocks Steiner off the apron and dives onto Test, followed by a whip to send Steiner into the steps. Scott gets kicked down but Test scores with a cane shot to break up Rolling Thunder. A clothesline with the cane gets two but Rob is right back with the kicks. Rob canes Steiner by mistake and the Five Star hits Scott. Test’s second shot to the head puts Rob down for the pin.

Jericho tries to get Trish out of the match but Bischoff thinks he’s falling for her.

Jackie Gayda vs. Trish Stratus

Bra and panties of course. Jackie jumps her to start but gets her top pulled off early on. Trish gets put in the Tree of Woe and loses her top as well. Rico gets pulled in and loses his pants, which he seems to like. Jackie kicks Rico down by mistake and Trish takes her down for the win.

Post match Jackie freaks out and rips off Lillian Garcia’s jacket.

Trish tells Jericho that their evening activities depends on what he does. That’s quite the offer.

Chris Jericho/Shawn Michaels vs. Batista/Ric Flair

The arena is full of smoke from Shawn’s pyro. Shawn chops at Flair to start and Jericho comes in off the tag with no issues. A missile dropkick gets two on Flair and a few chops set up the Flair Flop. Batista comes in and spinebusts the heck out of Jericho. It’s back to Flair who goes up top and you know what’s next.

The tag brings Shawn back in as they’re certainly running through this one in a hurry. Batista gets knocked off the apron, leaving Shawn and Flair to punch it out. A poke to the eye blinds Shawn and he punches Jericho by mistake, followed by the superkick to Flair. Jericho superkicks Shawn, who falls onto Flair for the pin.

Rating: D. These four should be able to do better than this by definition. The time was killing them again though as there’s not much you can do with so little time and an angle involved in the finish. Shawn vs. Batista could be good with Shawn knowing how to handle someone like him, but the Jericho addition is a little odd.

Jericho bolts to the back as Shawn isn’t sure what happened. Batista and Flair lay Shawn out with Shawn bleeding from the mouth to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. I didn’t hate the show but there wasn’t much to see on there. The Raw Roulette thing helped a bit but having the chase scenes all night with JR as the payoff is a little beneath what I was hoping for. They set some stuff up for Armageddon though and that’s what helps most. However, when one of those things is ANOTHER Goldberg vs. HHH match, there’s only so much positive to be gathered. That story needs to change soon because it’s been out of steam for months now. There’s not much good to be found here, but I’ll take a gimmick show like this over a regular boring night.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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