IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: October 23, 2003
Location: Pepsi Arena, Albany, New York
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re past No Mercy and that means it’s time to get ready for Survivor Series. Thankfully it also means that Stephanie McMahon is gone after having been beaten by her father in an I Quit match. Since that’s going to get some focus tonight, we’ll move on to Brock Lesnar successfully defending the World Title against the Undertaker. Let’s get to it.

Here’s last week’s show if you need a recap.

And here’s No Mercy as a bonus.

The opening recap features the narration from Sunday’s opening video and some audio from Vince defeating Stephanie when Linda threw in the towel. We need to keep Stephanie strong for the off screen wedding you see.

Opening sequence.

Here are Vince and Sable to open things up. Vince brags about his win and had a lot of fun stomping Stephanie into the ground. We’re celebrating tonight, maybe even like he celebrated with Sable on Sunday. He didn’t spare the rod with Sable because he used it all night long. On Sunday he did what he wanted by leaving Stephanie unemployed and making sure Brock Lesnar remained WWE Champion.

It was Vince who turned the lights out and sent the FBI out before he had to help things out himself. The new rule: don’t cross the boss but do have sex with the man who signs your checks. I’m assuming he’s talking about Sable there but it’s not clear. That brings us to the position of General Manager and it’s not going to be Sable. Vince: “I have some other job positions in mind for you.” No the new General Manager is….Paul Heyman. Vince is REALLY nice about forgiving past grudges.

Cole and Tazz panic but here’s Undertaker to chase Vince and Sable off. Heyman says he’s the only hope that Undertaker has because Vince is never going to help him. Tonight, Undertaker is going to have a match against Brock Lesnar and Big Show. If he can win that, he gets any match he wants. Undertaker promises to make this blow up in Heyman’s face and get his revenge.

This is certainly a change of pace and odds are this is going to get rid of Vince, or at least lower the amount of time he’ll be spending on TV. There’s no need to have two heel authority figures and Heyman can more than hold his own with the talking. Undertaker vs. Lesnar continuing doesn’t do much for me, but Vince vs. Undertaker does even less. Heyman being the new boss is interesting though and he’s certainly an upgrade over Stephanie.

John Cena/A-Train vs. Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit

Before the match, Cena says it’s time to shake Kurt’s hand….but that’s a b**** move. He’s about to snatch his thunder back like a five finger discount and people need to get off of his….well you know. Angle headlocks A-Train down to start but some knees in the corner have Kurt down. Cena comes in with a Michinoku Driver (Where has he been keeping that thing?) for two before it’s back to A-Train for a butterfly suplex.

A big German suplex gets Angle out of trouble and it’s off to Benoit for a German suplex of his own. A-Train has to break up the Sharpshooter on Cena as everything breaks down. An Angle Slam drops A-Train and it’s the ankle lock to Cena. A-Train is up way too fast for the save and the limping Cena grabs the chain. Benoit grabs a chair from A-Train but hits Angle by mistake, triggering a fight. Kurt gets caught in the Crossface and the match is thrown out. Why? It shouldn’t be a DQ and the referee didn’t see the chair shot.

Rating: C. This was fun while it lasted but there’s not much you can do with five minutes and getting in an angle at the same time. Benoit vs. Angle could be good, assuming it leads to someone getting a fresh shot at Lesnar. Brock is needing some new challengers right now and Benoit would be a better choice than Angle at the moment.

We look at Tajiri blinding Nidia last week.

Using a webcam, Jamie Noble is serious about fixing Nidia’s sight. All the money he got from his aunt means nothing if she’s not better. If Nidia doesn’t come out of this ok, Tajiri will be paying. Serious Jamie actually worked, despite the thick accent.

Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin are excited about Paul Heyman being back when Heyman comes in. He calls them liars (oh the irony) for not calling after Brock Lesnar took him out. Therefore, the Basham Brothers are getting the Tag Team Title shot instead of Haas and Benjamin. They can have another match and that is next.

Vince and Sable are in a box and wave to the little people.

Video on Stu Hart. This one is narrated by Cole instead of Vince in a nice bit of continuity if you treat Raw and Smackdown as two completely different things.

World’s Greatest Tag Team vs. Rikishi/Scotty 2 Hotty

This is Rikishi’s first WWE match since June and Scotty’s first since April 2002. Scotty and Haas get things going with a quick takedown allowing Scotty to celebrate. A hiptoss drops Benjamin and we hit the Moonwalk. Benjamin gets in a shot from behind though and it’s time to take over as we wait on the hot tag to Rikishi.

It’s off to a chinlock for a bit before the jump over Charlie and onto Scotty’s back keeps him in trouble. A clothesline gets Scotty over to the corner for the tag and Rikishi cleans house….until Shelton superkicks him down. Everything breaks down and Scotty brings back the Worm to Shelton. Haas gets a Stinkface and Rikishi sits on Shelton’s chest for the pin.

Rating: D+. Uh, yay! I’m not sure who was wanting to see Rikishi and Scotty back but there are worse ideas out there. I’ll take them over a team like Garrison Cade and Mark Jindrak on Raw as Rikishi and Scotty at least have some charisma and have been successful at one point. There are worse ideas so I’ll take what I can get.

Dancing ensues post match.

Vince and Sable join in on the dancing but Undertaker breaks into the sky box. After insulting Sable, Undertaker tells Vince to pray that he wins tonight. Otherwise, Undertaker will be back and there won’t be any talking.

Eddie Guerrero is getting treatment for the injuries from Sunday when Chavo comes in and tells him to suck it up. Chavo: “THIS IS FOR GRANDMA!”

Tag Team Titles: Los Guerreros vs. Basham Brothers

The Bashams are challenging. A fired up Eddie hammers on Doug in the corner to start before it’s off to Chavo for more of the same. Eddie comes back in with the slingshot hilo as this is completely one sided so far. It’s off to Danny, who has ever worse luck as Chavo snapmares him into the champions’ corner. Shaniqua grabs a foot though and the Bashams take over for the first time. It’s off to the chinlock for a bit before Danny slaps on a full nelson.

Like a nitwit, Doug charges straight at the two of them and gets backdropped. A wristdrag/headscissors combination takes the Bashams down and the hot tag brings in Chavo. Danny gets planted with a running tornado DDT (looked good) as everything breaks down. It’s back to Eddie for a slingshot hilo while Chavo holds Danny in a backbreaker (that’s a new one). Shaniqua offers a distraction and the Bashams switch, allowing Doug to hit Eddie with a nightstick for the pin and the titles.

Rating: C. This screams long term booking to me and there’s nothing wrong with that. Chavo getting on Eddie before the match suggests that the team is being broken up soon and if that means a big Eddie singles run, I’m rather pleased. The Bashams still need to drop Shaniqua but at least they had a few wins to set this up.

Post match Shaniqua says they’re going to, ahem, celebrate.

During the break, Chavo berated Eddie for the loss and walked away from him.

Tajiri vs. Zach Gowen

Non-title. Gowen is wrestling in a shirt this time around, which doesn’t exactly hide the fact that he’s the size of a middle school kid. Tajiri kicks him hard in the shoulder but gets armdragged down into an armbar. A tornado DDT is countered into a spinebuster and we hit the USA chant to annoy Tajiri. Zach avoids a knee drop (with Tajiri adding a high pitched squeal on the way down) and goes up, only to miss his moonsault. Tajiri kicks his head off for the pin.

Rating: D. That’s Gowen’s last match in WWE and I’m not going to miss him. He’s the definition of a novelty act that ran its course and then stuck around even longer. There’s no hiding the fact that most of his offense is built around fluke rollups and moves that wouldn’t do a great deal of damage. Couple that with the constant “this kid has heart” and “he’ll never give up” lines from Cole and the feel good story lost all of its charm in very short order.

Post match Tajiri’s unnamed associates come in and lay Gowen out again on Tajiri’s orders.

Lesnar tells Big Show to follow his lead tonight. That’s fine with Show, who warns Brock that he’ll be coming for the title soon.

Vince and Sable are still in the box.

Bob Holly is coming back after a year off with a neck injury. He’s coming for Lesnar and wants to break his neck. That works very well aside from the being Hardcore Holly part.

Video on Hawk, who passed away earlier in the week.

Undertaker vs. Big Show/Brock Lesnar

This has way more time than it needs so hopefully there’s something after the match. Show starts for the very large team and drives Undertaker into the corner to start. Undertaker takes a rare powder when they both come in at once and it’s already chair time. Lesnar comes in for the shoulders to the ribs (a far too popular move) as Tazz thinks they might be working on Undertaker’s midsection.

A suplex gives Brock two but as usual, Show screws up, this time by running into a big boot. Undertaker goes vintage with the jumping clothesline to both guys in turn but walks into a chokeslam from Show. It’s Lesnar tagging himself in for a delayed two and ordering Show to go up top. The spike piledriver (that sounds like something you wouldn’t see from the 80s) is broken up and Show gets slammed off the top for the pin. Vince is immediately on his feet and here’s Heyman to say that this is 2/3 falls. Therefore it should be 0-0 as Show wasn’t legal but Heyman never cared about rules.

Back from a break with Heyman in his office chair on the stage and Lesnar eating Snake Eyes into the big boot. Somehow the 7’2 500lb Show manages to sneak around the ring for a clothesline but Undertaker knocks him over the barricade. Some right hands to Lesnar are enough for the countout win….but Heyman says there are no countouts. Show chairs him in the back, there are no DQ’s, and we keep going. This time Undertaker gets smart and grabs the chain to knock the both silly for the pin on Lesnar.

Rating: D+. Well it wasn’t Austin vs. Love but it did the job. Above all else here though, was it really necessary to have Undertaker get two pins on the two singles champions, including the new US Champion? I’m getting rather tired of seeing Undertaker against these two but hopefully some fresh blood is on the way. Heyman screwing Undertaker over is fine for now, but having him lose this early on is more interesting. It’s nice to have a boss who gets taken down a peg or two so soon.

Post match Show lays Undertaker out with a chokeslam and Brock adds an F5 into the post. Vince wants to come see this in person so here he comes after a break. With Undertaker rolling up the ramp, Vince screams about how Undertaker will never be WWE Champion. Vince asks what match Undertaker wants with Lesnar so Undertaker says it’ll be at Survivor Series in a Buried Alive match…..against McMahon. As usual, Vince does the cocky to terrified transition better than anyone. This was a good reveal too as there was no reason to think Undertaker wouldn’t pick Lesnar, but going with McMahon makes sense.

Overall Rating: C-. There was some change in here to make the show better (read as a lack of Stephanie) but they’re continuing the stories that are still around as well. Heyman didn’t really get to do much on his first night but he’s a long overdue change in the power structure. Survivor Series is already starting to take shape, though there’s a lot of work left to be done. They’re off to an acceptable start, but there’s a very long way to go yet.

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IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: October 20, 2003
Location: Casey Plaza, Wilkes Barre, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s still all about Goldberg and the bounty but this time he has a slightly better opponent with Shawn Michaels getting his shot. We’re also getting ready for Survivor Series in a few weeks, meaning things should be picking up in short order. Then again, that’s never stopped WWE before. Let’s get to it.

Here’s last week’s show if you need a recap.

In Memory of Hawk.

We recap the bounty angle, which hopefully picks up speed tonight.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Steve Austin to get things going. Austin came here earlier today and found a note. Someone wants him in the ring at nine o’clock, which means there’s someone back there who wants to physically provoke him. This brings out Test, on crutches, with Stacy Keibler in toe. Test yells at her for taking too long to hold the door open and says he sent the note. He’d love to beat Austin up right now but can’t because of the broken foot. He wants an apology for the injury and another one for what happened to Stacy last week.

Austin gives both of them a middle finger instead and hopes Stacy learned a lesson: what Austin offers you a beer, you either decline with a smile or drink until you pass out. Stacy is about to respond but Test tells her not to speak unless he tells her to. Austin would love to beat up any kind of a man, including a crippled man. A fight is teased but Test won’t provoke him. Instead, Stacy shoves Test into Austin and you know what that means.

Before beer can be consumed, Eric Bischoff comes up on screen to mock Austin for not being able to hit anyone. Austin agrees, so Bischoff suggests they assemble teams for Survivor Series with that rule being gone vs. Austin being gone. The Board of Directors has already approved of this and Bischoff already has Chris Jericho and Scott Steiner signed up for his team. Jericho asks Austin if he’s in and of course the match is on. Stacy intercepts the beer and drinks it herself to Lawler’s delight.

Shane McMahon is waiting for Kane. Egads get us to Survivor Series already so this thing can be done.

Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. La Resistance

The Dudleys are defending and have dedicated the match to Hawk. D-Von and Conway start things off but a blind tag allows Dupree to come in with a dropkick to take over. The flying shoulder is mistimed and turns into a flying forearm instead but it still manages to send Dupree outside. Conway forearms D-Von down though and Dupree adds a Hennig necksnap. He throws in the dance too and of course Bubba is ready to kill him as a result. Bubba is likely more of a Saturday Night Fever fan.

It’s off to the chinlock for a bit until D-Von hits an enziguri (what an odd visual) to escape for the hot tag. That means a Flip Flop and Fly but D-Von gets crotched on top so the French guys can take over again. The double spinebuster gets two and there’s the USA chant. For some reason that doesn’t fire Conway up as he’s taken down with a reverse implant DDT. The Doomsday Device retains the titles.

Rating: D. The ending was a nice moment as you can imagine how big of an influence the Legion of Doom was on the Dudleys. La Resistance is better with Conway in the lineup but it’s still not like the team is anything more than a middle of the pack act at best. Thankfully they didn’t do another title change here and the Doomsday Device gave me a bit of a smile.

Bischoff gives Jericho and Steiner a pep talk before their tag match tonight. An argument breaks out over who is the leader. That’s the last thing Bischoff wants but Jericho says it’ll be fine.

Evolution promises that the bounty will be collected tonight. Booker T. comes in and says he’s ready to make a statement because the path to the Intercontinental Title begins right now. Randy Orton doesn’t buy it but Booker wants to fight right now.

Booker T. vs. Randy Orton

Joined in progress with Booker chopping Orton, in street clothes, up against the ropes. A hot shot and the backbreaker give Orton two and we hit the double arm crank. Booker is right back with a spinning kick to the face and the side kick but Orton takes the countout.

Rating: D+. This was more of an angle than a match though I could go for seeing more of these two together. Booker being back is a nice addition to the show but it’s not going to matter if he doesn’t have anyone to fight. That being said, he’d be a good choice for the Survivor Series team which is a fine way to get him back to speed.

Post match, Booker volunteers to be on Austin’s team. Makes perfect sense.

Raw World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Goldberg

Shawn is challenging. And never mind as Mark Henry jumps Goldberg during his big entrance. No match.

Post break, Austin finds out what happened (because I guess he was petting his dog) and is ready to go throw Henry out of the building. The match is uncertain.

Chris Jericho/Scott Steiner vs. Rob Van Dam/Lance Storm

Steiner and Van Dam start things off with Scott saying Rob’s arms “don’t have diddly squat”. Those are fighting words so Rob kicks away, followed by a crossbody for an early two. The cartwheel moonsault gets two more and it’s off to Storm for a leg lariat. Jericho comes in and the silence when Storm is on offense is very noticeable. Storm escapes a wristlock by standing on the ropes and backflipping out, meaning it’s time for some posing.

A Steiner distraction lets Jericho knock Storm into the barricade though, followed by a loud whip into the steps. We hit the chinlock as Steiner is already running out of offense. The announcers recap the show as Storm makes his comeback, only to get suplexed right back down. As usual it’s a good looking suplex from Steiner and far more effective when he only uses one. Jericho comes in and does some pushups, followed by the loud chops in the corner.

That’s fine with Storm, who jumps from the mat to the top rope for a back elbow to the jaw. That kind of thing never stops impressing me. Van Dam comes in for the kicks and a northern lights suplex for two on Jericho. The bouncing kick is left short so Jericho grabs a rollup with feet on the ropes for two of his own. Everything breaks down with Storm diving onto Steiner and Van Dam flipping out of a Walls attempt. Steiner gets in a chair to Van Dam’s back though and the Lionsault is good for the pin.

Rating: C. I’m still a big fan of Storm (that athleticism is very impressive) but having a gimmick of “I’m not boring anymore” isn’t going to work. He’s just not charismatic (which he himself will admit) and I’m not sure how to turn him into a star that fans want to see. I’m not sure how good of a fit he would be on the Survivor Series team, though that’s definitely where the story seems to be going.

The trainer tells Bischoff that Goldberg might not be able to defend the title. Bischoff thinks it’s an act but Goldberg says it’s on.

JR and King pay tribute to Hawk and Stu Hart.

Video on Stu, with Vince narrating.

Flair is on the phone with someone (presumably Teddy Long) and says no money because Goldberg is still up. There’s a backup option though.

Jericho comes up to Trish Stratus in the back and says there’s no need to thank him for last week. Trish says he doesn’t have to be Chris Jericho here and sincerely thanks him for what he did. Last week wasn’t about Austin though, because Jericho really respects her. Things get a little awkward and they leave. I’m really glad we’re finally to this story as it’s always been a personal favorite.

Mark Jindrak and Garrison Cade come in to see Orton about collecting the bounty. They had another idea in mind: beating Orton down and stealing the money. A left hand staggers Orton and the briefcase is stolen.

Post break Orton is panicking when he runs into Flair. Orton doesn’t tell him the truth and says he’ll hang in the back instead of going out there with Flair. Ric wants Orton to show Shawn the money one more time before the title match.

Trish Stratus/Lita vs. Molly Holly/Victoria

Lawler is now referring to Molly as “Molly Hottie”, ignoring those times where he thought she was fat and rather unattractive. Good to see that he found some strong glasses. Trish and Victoria start things off but Molly comes in after just a few seconds. Apparently Trish isn’t a fan of fast tags as she chops Molly in the corner but a Stevie Richards distraction lets the villains take over.

The always cool looking spinning side slam gets two and it’s back to Molly for the same off a swinging neckbreaker. The Molly Go Round misses and that’s enough to bring Lita in. Everything breaks down and Molly gets hiptossed but Stevie sneaks in with a powerbomb to give Victoria the cheap pin on Trish.

Rating: D+. The matches aren’t terrible but it would be nice if someone actually remembered that there’s a title to fight over in this division. I can’t remember the last time Molly defended the thing and I can’t remember the last time she wasn’t considered one of the lower level names in the division, which defeats the point of being a champion. At least there’s a story though, and that’s a lot better than what the division has seen in a long time.

Post match the beatdown stays on with Victoria putting the Women’s Title over Lita’s face. The slingshot legdrop is loaded up but Christian runs in for the save. And the plot thickens.

We look back at Henry attacking Goldberg.

Maven vs. Ric Flair

Maven isn’t waiting for the WOOing and decks Flair in the jaw to start us off. A backdrop on the floor keeps Flair in trouble but the referee grabs Maven’s punch. You know, which is done so consistently. Flair gets in a cheap shot to take over and it’s time to rip the skin off of Maven’s chest in the corner. We hit the chinlock as JR says Cade and Jindrak took advantage of an opportunity. There’s the knee drop but Maven pops up and wins a slugout to near silence. Flair is of course one step ahead though and grabs a rollup with trunks for the fast pin.

Rating: D. Now can we drop the Maven experiment please? There’s no upside to Maven here and he’s nothing more than a jobber to the stars with big eyebrows. The wrestling isn’t any good and losing to Flair in about four minutes isn’t going to make the fans care about his lame offense and low level charisma.

In the back, Orton finally tells Flair what happened but they know they can figure it out before HHH kills them. Cops come running up and we follow them to Kane.

Here’s a cut up Kane in the arena with the cops guarding the entrance. This whole thing with Shane started with Linda, who thought she could stop the monster. Everyone has thought they can control her but Linda found out differently. Linda was squirming for her very life and screaming no, but Kane learned a long time ago that no means yes. Kane likes hurting people and it felt so good.

Now Shane thinks he can stop Kane, but throwing him into a burning dumpster didn’t stop him, just like crashing a limo didn’t do it either. Kane will do anything he wants to Shane and there is no line that he won’t cross. Shane is done at Survivor Series but his pain has just begun.

Jindrak and Cade try to leave but get attacked by HHH with a 2×4.

Post break, HHH comes in to yell at Flair and Orton but Ric blames it all on Orton in a funny bit. HHH actually hands Orton the briefcase again and says don’t let it happen again. They’ll be watching the match in the back and HHH guarantees that the bounty is collected tonight.

Raw World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Goldberg

Shawn is challenging. Goldberg shoves him down with ease to start so Shawn starts sticking and moving. Some kicks to the knees and a dropkick to the side of the head have Goldberg in trouble but he’s right back with a gorilla press. Shawn takes a breather on the floor and he manages to shove Goldberg over the top in a surprising bit of power. Back in and Goldberg launches him into the corner but gets forearmed down. The power vs. speed stuff is working so far.

A powerslam cuts Shawn off but Goldberg is too banged up from the Henry attack. Goldberg scores with a military press but the spear hit the referee because of course it does. The superkick connects (see my previous because of course it does) to put everyone down. We get a replacement referee for the double count, despite Shawn only having been slammed a few times. Cue the returning Batista to send Shawn into the steps as the match is thrown out.

Rating: C-. This didn’t have time to go anywhere and that’s a shame as Shawn would seem to be someone capable of getting the best out of Goldberg. Batista returning is a great thing though as the three man Evolution really wasn’t working. Hopefully he’s gotten better in his time away, as the look is only going to take him so far.

The Batista Bomb plants Goldberg and Batista Pillmanizes Goldberg’s ankle. Evolution comes out and hands Batista the money to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Much better show than in recent weeks, though that’s not the hardest goal to achieve. The big thing here was they moved things forward towards Survivor Series with Batista returning to injure Goldberg and the announcement of the big elimination match. The wrestling was really pretty lame here but the storytelling was good, which is what matters a lot more in this case. Not a good show, but a step in the right direction.

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IMG Credit: WWE

No Mercy 2003
Date: October 19, 2003
Location: 1^st Mariner Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Attendance: 8,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the Stephanie vs. Vince Show as the McMahons are battling in the real main event. The last few months have been building up to the I Quit match with both of their jobs on the line. Other than that we have Brock Lesnar defending the World Title against the Undertaker in a Biker Chain match, meaning chain on a pole. Let’s get to it.

Here’s the go home episode of Smackdown if you need a recap.

The opening video, narrated by Vince and Stephanie’s arguing, looks over a little girl’s things, including a tiara, shoes and a teddy bear. We hear Vince demanding that she quit and Stephanie refusing but also begging to not have the match. Thankfully Brock and Undertaker get some time as well.

Cruiserweight Title: Tajiri vs. Rey Mysterio

Tajiri is defending and is admonished to not use the mist of any color. They fight over a lockup to start and fall to the floor with no one getting an advantage. Back in and Rey gets smart by going after the leg with a quick leglock. That’s broken up with some shots to the head but the handspring elbow is dropkicked away to put Tajiri on the floor.

That’s enough of this wrestling stuff so Rey hits a dive to give the fans more of what they’re expecting. Mysterio tries to get a bit too fancy though and has a springboard broken up with his arm landing on the top rope. You wouldn’t exactly expect these two to go with limb work but it’s actually working. A springboard armdrag gets Rey out of an armbar but hurts his arm even more, allowing Tajiri to kick him in the head. Slow Rey down with the arm to set up the best offensive move. Good stuff.

Rey grabs a tornado DDT for a delayed two before using his legs to pull the champ out to the floor. Back in and Tajiri tries to throw him to the floor again but gets a 619 to the ribs. The West Coast Pop is countered with a powerbomb but Rey is right back with a moonsault press. Tajiri goes right back to the arm, only to have the knee give out on the Tarantula attempt. Now the 619 connects and Rey grabs the West Coast Pop but a “fan” runs in for a distraction. Tajiri hits the Buzzsaw Kick to retain.

Rating: B-. Good opener with a bad ending. You can imagine Tajiri getting a lackey out of this and that’s not exactly a thrilling way to wrap up the match. If nothing else, there wasn’t any mist either after Tajiri has spent over a week building it up. I liked the majority of the match though and that’s a good way to open the show.

Replays shows security holding a second “fan” back as well so yeah we’re probably looking at a mini stable. The division needs more bodies so that’s not the worst idea in the world.

Vince yells at Josh Matthews (good) for asking how he’s feeling. This is somehow both personal and business with some people on the roster being on Stephanie’s side. That’s fine with Vince, because if they try to help her, he’ll just fire them.

A-Train vs. Chris Benoit

A-Train is annoyed because he can’t beat Benoit. Tazz: “They love pierced nipples in Denmark.” A hard shoulder puts Benoit on the floor and we’re starting at a slower pace. Back in and Benoit can’t get either a German suplex or the Crossface. Instead he just slugs away with chops and some forearms for little avail. A-Train goes with the power as a slam and splash get two.

The clubbing forearms keep Benoit in trouble and A-Train catapults him throat first into the middle rope. More time wasting allows Benoit to slug away until a Polish Hammer (with the Putski references) drops him again. A DDT gives Benoit a breather but A-Train grabs a German suplex of his own. With the wrestling not working, A-Train brings in a chair but gets it knocked away.

A-Train tries a gorilla press instead but drops Benoit HEAD FIRST (didn’t seem to be on purpose) onto the chair in a scary looking landing. Benoit is of course fine and starts rolling the German suplexes. The Swan Dive is broken up so A-Train teases going up as well. Thankfully, for the sake of not breaking the ring, he comes down and hits the Derailer for two instead. With the chair wedged in the corner, A-Train kicks it by mistake, setting up the Sharpshooter for the submission.

Rating: C. Considering who Benoit was in there against, this could have been a lot worse (if nothing else just for dropping Benoit on the chair). A-Train was fine as a dragon for Benoit to slay but that’s all he was going to be. The hairy look and only somewhat above average power offense held him back a lot but at least the story here made sense.

Heidenreich yells at Matt Hardy and Shannon Moore about throwing away his highlight tape but Matt talks his way out of trouble.

Members of the military are here.

Zach Gowen vs. Matt Hardy

Shannon Moore is with Matt Hardy, who cannot be grossed out and has survived five car wrecks. They trade slaps to start before Gowen hits a leg lariat to take over. A middle rope bulldog gets two but Moore breaks up a springboard. Cole: “How much longer is this going to go on? It’s been week after week after week.” Agreed, but they’ll give up on pushing Gowen eventually.

Snake Eyes and a running clothesline put Gowen on the floor, followed by a double arm crank as Cole talks about believing in Gowen. Matt misses the moonsault though and gets knocked outside, allowing Zach to springboard (pulls himself up, puts his shin on the top rope and flips forward) onto him for two. Still shaken from the missed moonsault, Matt takes him to the top but has a belly to back superplex broken up. Gowen’s moonsault is good for the pin.

Rating: D. If they have to give Gowen a win, I’m kind of glad that it’s a clean one. Having to hear about Gowen winning the match with someone handing it to him would have been too much, but as usual everyone has to slow down to let him keep up. The moonsault had good form but it’s really hard to buy that anything from Gowen is going to be enough for a pin.

Linda McMahon tries to talk Vince out of the match but Vince says no. He’ll make a concession though: Stephanie can win by pinfall as well as submission, but Vince makes it no holds barred to keep it even. They’re throwing everything they can at this match to make it interesting and it’s not working.

APA vs. Basham Brothers

This was set up on Sunday Night Heat. Again no Shaniqua, thank goodness. Bradshaw pounds Doug in the corner to start before running him over with a shoulder. Faarooq comes in for a powerslam but is smart enough to know that Danny tagged himself in. That means a knockdown to Danny as well because Faarooq pays attention. A double spinebuster gets two on Danny and Doug gets kicked in the face for daring to interrupt.

Cole and Tazz argue over sexual fetishes and journalistic integrity as the Bashams take over with a quick double team. A double suplex gets two and we hit the chinlock. That actually draws a loud APA chant, which I think may be a first time event. With the first chinlock working so well, Danny grabs another one to keep Faarooq down.

Since Faarooq is tired of being stuck in a chinlock, he fights up and hits a spinebuster, setting up the hot tag to Bradshaw. A powerbomb and Last Call drop Doug and it’s a super Last Call for Danny. The referee gets bumped so here’s Shaniqua to knock Bradshaw out with a club, giving Danny the pin.

Rating: D. Well we were free of her for a few weeks. The Bashams winning was the right call as the APA doesn’t have anything to gain, but Shaniqua and the dominatrix stuff isn’t helping anyone. The division isn’t deep enough that they can’t get to the top very fast, but get rid of the ball and chain as soon as possible.

Post match Shaniqua talks about the Clothesline making her chest swell, which has the Bashams freaking out at a level that Jerry Lawler would find disturbing. They’re going to be rewarded though so she’ll whip it good. And that’s it for whatever good the Bashams got out of the win.

Tazz has keys to victory in the Biker Chain match.

Very long recap of Stephanie vs. Vince. Stephanie won’t quit her job as GM despite what Vince wants so we’re having this match to make her do it. Vince is also sleeping with Sable so Linda is in her corner. This story has dominated Smackdown in recent months and has been turned into the most melodramatic feuds in wrestling history. Thrown in Stephanie’s acting “abilities” and you know how well that’s going to go.

Vince McMahon vs. Stephanie McMahon

Sable and Linda are the seconds. Vince has to make her say I Quit while Stephanie can win by pinfall or submission. Vince jumps her from behind so Stephanie jumps on her back and screeches a lot. Just in case this wasn’t going to feel long enough already. That’s enough offense from Stephanie, who gets thrown down by the hair with Vince saying she could have quit. Some shoulders in the corner have Stephanie acting like she was shot.

Sable gets in a slap, triggering a chase from Linda which is begging for the Benny Hill theme. Vince gets in Linda’s way and then clotheslines Stephanie again, which is treated as the biggest, most brutal thing ever. We hit the half crab and Stephanie screams like she’s in labor. Stephanie bites her way out of a double arm crank so Sable grabs a pipe, triggering the “catfight” with Linda. A low blow into a rollup (Cole: “WE’VE GOT HIM!”) gives Stephanie two but she can’t hit him with the pipe.

She finally does and Cole lets out a “COME ON GIRL!” but Vince gets his foot on the rope. Another low blow into another rollup gets two and it’s time for the announcers to play cheerleaders. Vince chokes her down and gets in a pipe shot to the ribs, prompting Cole to say Vince outweighs her by 200lbs. So is Stephanie 63lbs or is Vince over 300? Vince chokes with the pipe but Stephanie won’t quit (well duh) so Linda throws in the towel to save her daughter. I’m kind of stunned that this was so short (just shy of ten minutes) as I easily could have seen that being doubled.

Rating: F. Just read any part of this and you’ll get why this was a failure. This was one of the dumbest storylines WWE has ever put together (and consider the competition on that list) and somehow managed to be all about making Stephanie look awesome. These four need to go far, far away for a long time and never speak of anything here again. I never need to hear about Stephanie again and I’m kind of glad the family is destroyed FOREVER (yes FOREVER you see) so they won’t bother trying to get back together again.

Vince shoves Linda down and leaves with Sable. Stephanie gets the big sendoff because of all that hard work she’s done. Like kissing Eric Bischoff, signing Mr. America without knowing who he was, treating Zach Gowen like the world’s biggest charity case and being CLOTHESLINED BY HER FATHER!

The announcers act like they saw an orphanage burn to the ground and puppies used as crash dummies.

We recap Kurt Angle vs. John Cena. John wants to make a name for himself so he rapped about Angle a lot. Kurt did his own few raps and promised to teach him a wrestling lesson.

Kurt Angle vs. John Cena

Cena does his usual gay joke rap before the match. With that out of the way (and the chain laid in the corner), Angle headlocks him to the mat to start. Cena reverses into one of his own and we hit the dueling chants, allowing Cole to talk about Cena’s street cred. Back up and Angle flips him off, earning a hard clothesline to take him down again. A hard running shoulder in the corner rocks Cena again though as this is back and forth so far.

Another shoulder hits post though and Cena gets all fired up, including a running clothesline in the corner. We hit a double chickenwing on the mat and then a front facelock as the pace slows considerably. Back up and a spinebuster (way too common of a move on this show) allows Cena to go up, only to have Angle dropkick him in the shin on the way down. An ankle lock attempt sends Cena scurrying for the ropes so Angle adds a baseball slide.

Kurt does his insane tease of a German suplex off the apron but Cena, fearing a bad case of death, DDT’s him onto the apron to escape. Back in and the Throwback gives Cena two but he gets rolled with the German suplexes. It’s Cena’s turn to pop back up, this time with knees to the head and a buckle bomb of all things for two. The FU and Angle Slam get two each and it’s chain time. The referee actually pays attention for once and takes it away, leaving Cena to hit him with the gold medals for two instead. Back up and another FU is countered into the ankle lock for the tap.

Rating: B. I liked this one quite a bit with some nice work, though Cena going over was the logical play here. The “he earned respect” argument only works for so long and Cena is getting to the point where he really needs a big win. The match was entertaining though and Cena looked good, though Angle kicking out of the FU didn’t do him much good. Not bad, but Cena needs to do something soon.

We recap Big Show vs. Eddie Guerrero. I’ll spare you the details and go with burritos, sewage and a destroyed low rider. Sounds serious, right?

US Title: Big Show vs. Eddie Guerrero

Eddie, with a taped up back after Thursday, is defending and Show wastes no time sending him hard into the corner. The champ is right back with a neck snap over the top rope but Show sends him back first into the corner again. Eddie gets creative by throwing in a chair before switching over to some kicks to the knee.

The bad back is sent into the post though and Show launches him over the top to take it back inside. They’re doing a good job of making Show look like the dominant monster but I have a bad feeling of where this is going. We hit the trash talk with Show slowly dragging Eddie around the ring. Eddie manages to send him into an exposed turnbuckle though and a frog splash crossbody gets two.

That’s enough for a ref bump (well duh) so Eddie pulls out some brass knuckles for a knockout shot and two. A title shot to the head knocks Show even sillier and the frog splash….gets two. Show gets the same off a spinebuster (ok enough already) so Eddie kicks him low and grabs a DDT. He can’t follow up though and it’s a chokeslam to give Show the title as the arena deflates.

Rating: D. Eddie was trying as hard as he could but when a brass knuckles shot, a belt shot and the frog splash can’t put Show away, there’s not much more Eddie can do. Show isn’t someone I ever need to see get a push like this or of any kind really, and I certainly hope that Eddie gets the momentum back because he’s been so entertaining as of late.

Post match Chavo comes in to yell at Eddie for losing.

Big Show says no one can beat him because he is, in fact, a giant.

We recap Brock Lesnar vs. Undertaker. Vince turned Brock evil and Undertaker wants to set things right. Then he decided he loved chains for some reason so we’re getting a chain on a pole match.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Undertaker

Brock is defending and the chain is on a pole in the corner. Undertaker misses a right hand in the corner to start and Lesnar seems to be running early on. Another miss lets Brock unload in the corner and Old School is blocked. A shoulder goes into the post though and Undertaker hits a big boot and legdrop for two. So the chain can be completely ignored? Now Old School connects and Undertaker grabs la majistral of all things for two more. They head outside with Brock kneeing him in the ribs a few times, followed by a whip into the steps.

Back in and Undertaker strikes away but misses a running boot in the corner. The chain hasn’t been a factor yet, save for some clanking noises here and there. Undertaker gets knocked off the apron and into the barricade so the beating can continue. Back inside again with Undertaker winning a slugout, including a jumping clothesline for two. It’s finally time to go for the chain but the lights go out.

They come back on with nothing changed though Lesnar uses the distraction to grab an electric chair. The steps are thrown in and Undertaker gets sent face first. That’s not enough yet either as Undertaker takes it back outside for a piledriver on the other steps. Rather than go for the win, Undertaker goes for the chain but comes back down with a triangle choke over the ropes instead. A low blow and steps to the head give Lesnar two and it’s time for another slugout as this just keeps going.

Undertaker gets the better of it but his chokeslam is countered into a spinebuster for two. A short armscissors is reversed with a powerbomb so Undertaker switches to the Dragon Sleeper. That’s reversed into the F5 for two so Brock goes up. This time it’s a chokeslam off the top for a HUGE crash but the freaking FBI runs in for the save before Undertaker can go for the chain.

The Last Ride (nearly into the corner so Undertaker has to pull it back a bit) drops Lesnar and it’s a Taker Dive onto the FBI. Nunzio gets knocked away from the chain and Undertaker FINALLY gets the chain. Cue Vince to crotch Undertaker on the top, allowing Lesnar to chain Undertaker in the head. The F5 FINALLY retains the title.

Rating: D+. It was a half decent power match that was crippled by both the length and all the shenanigans. You really could have made this into a regular match or a street fight as the chain wasn’t a factor until the last two minutes. The problem here though is the time as it ran nearly twenty five minutes, or at least eight minutes longer than it needed. With no drama on the chain until the end, there wasn’t much to see other than slow brawling. Not terrible, but not the way this should have gone.

Vince runs away to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. There’s good stuff in here to keep it from being a disaster or a horrible show but the two main events are a combination of terrible and way too long, which is too much to overcome. Hopefully this is the end of this era as they really need to change a lot of stuff up around here. Find something fresh to work with because the McMahons are so horribly played out and Brock needs a new challenger. Maybe Survivor Series can help because this show was pretty bad.

Remember to check out my new forum at steelcageforums.com, follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: October 16, 2003
Location: US Bank Arena, Cincinnati, Ohio
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the go home show for No Mercy and….yeah I’m having some issues getting fired up for this one. The battling McMahons are out of control at this point and hopefully it ends on Sunday. Other than that, maybe we can find out what a Biker Chain match is because no one but Undertaker seemed to know last week. Let’s get to it.

Here’s last week’s show if you need a recap.

Earlier today, Stephanie gave a sitdown interview talking about how sad she was to not be on the show tonight when it could be her last night. Vince is mean you see.

Opening sequence.

Cole: “Tonight! A powerful, emotional interview with STEPHANIE MCMAHON!” Yes that’s really what they’re leading with tonight.

Here’s Kurt Angle to John Cena’s music and in Cena gear. Angle: “Yo yo yo yo kill the beat.” Kurt, speaking as Cena, rhymes about winning the battle rap and various gay jokes. Naturally Cole and Tazz find this HILARIOUS, though Angle doing Cena’s mannerisms actually is funny. The challenge is issued and Angle explains the joke of the rap, including holding the mic in the air so the crowd could finish the joke.

Angle’s music hits….and here’s a mini Angle. Ah ok so it’s comedy time. Again: Cole and Tazz are in stitches over this. Angle calls the mini version half the man that he is and does you can’t see me. Cole: “I love that.” Mini Kurt takes the mic and calls Cena (as in Kurt) a wiener, sending big Angle out to the floor. Back in and Mini Kurt gets an ankle lock so Big Kurt has to tap. This brings out the real Cena but Mini Kurt hits him low, allowing the real one to hit the Angle Slam. Much longer than it needed to be and the jokes weren’t exactly funny. Kurt was of course, but that’s the case almost every time.

Chris Benoit vs. Doug Basham

No Shaniqua in sight and suddenly I’m taking the Bashams much more seriously. Doug tries to go technical for some reason and has to bail out of a Crossface attempt. A hard whip into the corner has Doug in more trouble and Benoit sends him outside, only to miss a dive. Back in and Doug stays on the neck with some legdrops and a hard drop onto the buckle. A top rope legdrop misses though and it’s time for the comeback. Danny throws a chair in but Benoit dropkicks it into Doug’s face, only to have Twin Magic cause the Swan Dive to miss. Not that it matters as the Crossface is good for the win.

Rating: C. It really is amazing how much better the Bashams are with no Shaniqua out there. It’s a dumb gimmick for a team that isn’t very good in the first place so how good can they be? Benoit beating them both is fine as it’s not like the team has any value at this point anyway. Just keep Shaniqua away and they can get better.

Post match A-Train comes in to take Benoit out until referees break it up.

Another clip of the Stephanie interview shows her crying over Vince attacking her. Good grief after everything he did to her in 1999 this is tame.

It’s time for the full interview with Cole thanking her for taking the time, because Stephanie is so opposed to being on camera. She talks about Vince wanting to take away her opportunity to thank the Smackdown fans and locker room for their support. Who actually supports Stephanie? Cole: “Is the McMahon Family normal?”

As I try to get the image of Cole dressed like Oprah out of my head, Stephanie says this is the only family she’s known. Stephanie: “I love this business. It’s the business that my father, my grandfather and my great grandfather created.” Cole wants to focus on Stephanie for a second. THEN WHAT HAVE WE BEEN DOING FOR THE WHOLE INTERVIEW??? After Stephanie says some would consider Vince to be wrestling, it’s time to talk about how awesome Linda is as a mom.

As for Stephanie, yeah she was spoiled as a child but she wasn’t handed her job. There’s definitely some of Vince in her (not as much as he’d probably like) but she wants to be different than him. Stephanie starts crying because she never thought it would come to this. She goes into the story of being clotheslined and slammed, making it sound like the most devastating thing in the world. If the match happens, Vince won’t walk her down the aisle or get to see his grandchildren. After all of this though, she still loves her dad but doesn’t like him. That’s enough for her as she walks out in tears.

This wasn’t so much terrible as much as it was…..stupid. Ignoring all of the history between the two of them, the fact that Stephanie is freaking out and acting like her world has been shattered because someone DARED to lay a finger on her is laughable. She’s destroyed because Vince McMahon, the guy who allowed Undertaker to kidnap her and attempt to marry her in a black wedding ceremony for the sake of getting the WWF Title off of Steve Austin, slammed her?

This is after she talked about getting whatever she wanted as a child because she’s the son of a billionaire. This is the character we’re supposed to sympathize with and support? All because she doesn’t want to quit the job that she was handed (by her father of course) because she’s a big girl and can handle herself after being on the job for all of sixteen months?

The acting was laughably bad too but above all else, it was how over the top serious Stephanie treated this. I get that it’s a dramatic story but given the history between the two, a slam and a clothesline aren’t exactly worth getting upset about. Just a dumb segment here that you can’t take seriously if you’re above about eight years old.

Back in the arena, Tazz takes his glasses off as he and Cole talk about this in the most serious terms.

Jamie Noble and Nidia are talking Vince and Stephanie with Nidia taking her side. Jamie agrees because this place would be better without Vince. Tajiri overhears and runs off to tell Vince. As a result, Jamie has to face Tajiri tonight. So now, not only is Vince vs. Stephanie dominating the show, but a champion is being put in a match over whose side he’s on in the feud.

Jamie Noble vs. Tajiri

Non-title. Jamie starts in on the arm as Tazz wonders why he’s not going after the leg to weaken the kicks. Well no one ever accused Jamie of being smart. That’s enough analysis so let’s talk about what kind of a mood Stephanie must be in. Tajiri starts in on the leg but gets caught in a swinging neckbreaker to put both guys down. A powerslam gets two on Tajiri with Cole thinking Jamie wants to stick it to Vince. Tajiri’s powerbomb is countered into a hurricanrana over the top so Tajiri goes after the title. Nidia pulls it away, only to have the black mist go into her eyes. She freaks out so badly that the match is thrown out.

Rating: C-. And this is why the cruiserweights mean as little as they do. Tajiri is the Cruiserweight Champion and coming up on a major title defense but instead of talking about that, it’s about whether or not Jamie Noble wants to show up Vince. Not only does that not make sense, but it’s the best they can do with the Cruiserweight Champion. All for the sake of pushing Stephanie vs. Vince. Nice job guys.

Nidia gets her eyes cleaned out so Jamie calls Tajiri back to the ring for a fight. There’s no Tajiri so Jamie goes up the ramp….and gets mauled by Brock Lesnar. That’s your treatment for acting serious for a change. Jamie gets laid out with an F5 on the floor and Brock sneers at him.

If that’s not enough, here are Vince and Sable to congratulate Brock on his handiwork. Vince calls what Stephanie did earlier a performance but it’s true that she hates him. Stephanie stopped loving him a long time ago but Vince understands the meaning of true love. He loves Stephanie so much that he’ll hurt her on Sunday. At No Mercy, he won’t be sparing the rod with his daughter.

As for the fans, they want to be like Vince but aren’t willing to work for it. They would rather win the lottery while Vince reached down and took what was his. Stephanie has the same chance of winning as people here do of winning the lottery. He’s been asked what he’ll do to Stephanie and the thought scared him. May God have mercy on Stephanie’s soul because Vince certainly won’t.

Sable is proud to be in Vince’s corner and proud to stand by him. Linda has forgotten what it takes to satisfy a genuine American icon and OH MY GOODNESS GET ON WITH IT ALREADY! She brags about being able to satisfy every sexual craving Vince has before kissing him to wrap things up.

I don’t remember the last time I’ve seen a story this insufferable. We’re over an hour into this show and well over half of that time has been spent on this one story. I’m sure Vince and Stephanie think this is the greatest thing ever but I don’t think I want to know who else finds this nonsense interesting. Now please, talk about ANYTHING else for the rest of the show.

Video on a European tour.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Rhyno

Non-title, which Cole emphasizes at least twice, along with saying what a big chance it is for Rhyno. A test of strength has Eddie in early trouble and his comeback is cut off by a clothesline. There’s a good looking spinebuster (Rhyno was always good at those) for two and a gorilla press gutbuster for the same as Rhyno stays on the ribs. For some reason Rhyno goes for one of the titles and gets caught with a dropkick for his efforts. The rolling vertical suplexes put Rhyno down but the frog splash hits knees. Tazz: “Rhyno hitting possum! How can a rhino be a possum?”

Back from a break with Eddie caught in a Sharpshooter for a long time until he fights up and grabs the leg for the escape. It’s time for the comeback with Eddie hitting a jumping leg lariat and a slingshot hilo but the bad back slows him down. That’s how you keep a story going through a match and Eddie is as good as anyone at selling the thing.

Rhyno catches him on top and hits a superplex but Eddie is right back up with a super hurricanrana for two of his own. A toss sends Eddie outside though and he unhooks his boot. Instead of an injury though, Eddie steals the ring bell hammer and loads it into his boot. Back in and a quick ref bump allows Eddie to throw Rhyno the hammer. That and a boot shot to the head are enough for the pin.

Rating: B. The rib work was good (setting up the Gore throughout the match) and as usual, Eddie was in a pure showcase here with more brilliance. He’s the best thing in WWE right now and it’s turned into a treat to watch him. This was a lot of fun and just a great example of how to turn something that shouldn’t have mattered into a good match.

Post match here’s Big Show with a pipe to destroy both Eddie and the low rider. Eddie’s back is cut up by the glass and a powerbomb onto the hood makes it a lot worse. Show isn’t done and chokeslams him onto the top of the truck. Good segment, but they lost me with the burritos and sewage.

Rey Mysterio vs. Johnny Stamboli

Just be glad that Rey isn’t a Vince fan to balance things out. Palumbo and Nunzio are sent to the back so Rey can headscissor Stamboli down in peace. A backbreaker cuts Rey off and we’re in a chinlock less than a minute in. Rey gets tied in the Tree of Woe but s still able to pull himself up to avoid a charge into the post. Another backbreaker cuts Rey down as Stamboli is still looking for the offense to go with looking like a shrunken A-Train. Stamboli hits a third backbreaker (come on already) but his gorilla press is countered into a hurricanrana for the pin.

Rating: D. Was Stamboli the last person in catering? They couldn’t trot Shannon Moore out there for this match instead? Rey and the Cruiserweight Title are being sent to the back burner here and it’s getting sad at this point. Mysterio deserves better than this but for some reason Ultimate Dragon is sitting on the sidelines. Such is life in WWE.

Matt Hardy gives Shannon Moore a framed picture when Jon Heidenreich comes in. He asks Matt to give his highlight tape to Stephanie, but Matt says she won’t be GM much longer. Matt promises to take care of it and throws the tape away after Heidenreich leaves.

PPV rundown. It’s not bad until you get to the real main event.

Undertaker is in the back and explains the Biker Chain match: it’s a chain on a pole match, which is the oldest form of combat known to man. He’s more ready to be champion than ever before….and now let’s talk about Stephanie! Undertaker hopes otherwise but thinks it’s going to be a long night for our lovely boss. Cue Lesnar with some chain shots before wrapping it around Undertaker’s neck and dragging him away.

Back with Lesnar dragging him to the ring and Undertaker getting in some right hands. That earns him a whip into the steps and more choking from Brock. Undertaker gets choked over the corner but manages to kick Lesnar in the face. They get in and an F5 is countered with Undertaker choking a swell. Brock hits him low but gets caught in a very high chokeslam. The threat of another chain show sends Lesnar bailing to end the show. The match’s gimmick is a mess but this was at least a nice brawl to set it up.

Overall Rating: D. They did a nice job of setting up No Mercy but there’s no way around all the McMahon stuff. It’s weighing everything down and making the show almost unwatchable. Stephanie is suddenly a horribly abused woman who is just fighting the good fight and standing on her own two feet. It’s not good, it’s not well written, it’s not well acted and it’s not worth watching.

The rest of the show was actually pretty good from a storytelling perspective, though the wrestling was hit and miss. I do kind of want to see the pay per view but I want to get through that Vince vs. Stephanie match as fast as I can. The problem is that story dominates the show and until it’s over, there’s no way to make this show good.

Remember to check out my new forum at steelcageforums.com, follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: October 13, 2003
Location: Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s all about HHH at the moment, despite him not actually being on the show. The big story is a $100,000 bounty that HHH has placed on Goldberg’s head, giving us great villains such as Mark Henry and La Resistance trying to collect. I’m sure we’ll hit the thrilling part soon enough. Let’s get to it.

Here’s last week’s show if you need a recap.

Randy Orton, with the bounty money in a briefcase and Ric Flair, on crutches, are in the back with Flair saying the right person to claim the bounty hasn’t come around yet. Flair is too injured to wrestle Maven tonight but here’s Shawn Michaels to get their attention. Ric says he’s called Shawn and HHH the greatest of all time and last week he had to see Shawn beaten up by Mark Henry.

The fire is still burning in Shawn so he needs to go show everyone that he still has it. Blow the roof off the place and be HBK all over again by taking out Goldberg. If that’s not enough incentive, there’s $100,000 to be won. Shawn walks away without saying anything. Heck of a promo from Flair, who knows how to do this better than almost anyone else.

Opening sequence.

We open with a recap of Kane being destroyed last week but Chris Jericho, in the ring with Christian, says cut it off. Jericho calls this proof that Steve Austin needs to be removed from his position. This never happened under Eric Bischoff and now everyone in the back is following Austin, including Shane McMahon. Then on Friday, Shane broke Test’s foot at a match in Louisville, Kentucky. How long do people have to suffer because of these two maniacs?

This brings out Shane to say that Austin wasn’t responsible for what happened last week and breaking Test’s foot. Maybe Jericho and Christian will need an ambulance of their own this week. Cue La Resistance of all people to say this is a typical American response. The four on one beatdown is on but here are the Dudleys for the save. The villains refuse to fight and I’m assuming we have a main event.

Goldberg arrives and has to avoid being run over. That’s twice in less than a year.

Intercontinental Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Scott Steiner

Scott is challenging as his horrible misfortune continues after losing to Test. Seriously, how can he handle being in a title match? Steiner has Stacy Keibler sit in a chair at ringside and takes Rob into the corner for an early beating. More chops keep Rob in trouble until he gets a boot up in the corner. The split legged moonsault connects but Steiner is back with a suplex. Now he wants Stacy’s chair but gets turned down, allowing Rob to hit a spinning kick to the face. Rolling Thunder sends Scott outside where he grabs the chair himself for a stupid DQ.

Rating: D. Well at least it was short. Steiner is little more than a pretty weak midcard villain who can only get anywhere when he yells at Stacy. The match didn’t have a chance to go anywhere but that’s the right call here as Steiner continues to get more and more useless by the week.

Post match Steiner loads up the chair to hit Stacy but here’s Austin to interrupt. Austin tells Steiner to hit him instead and Scott actually does so, meaning the beatdown is on. Scott finally shoves Stacy into him to escape so it’s time to drink beer. Stacy doesn’t like it though, earning herself a Stunner. That’s probably not the best use of Austin in the world.

Maven vs. Rico

Flair is on commentary. Right wastes no time in kneeing Maven in the ribs as Lawler drools over Miss Jackie. A kick to the face gives Rico two but he misses a second, allowing Maven to hit an atomic drop. For some reason we don’t get the over the top selling from Rico so Maven hits a spinwheel kick instead. Maven’s spinning bulldog gets the pin.

Post match Flair is fine and runs down to hit Maven with the crutch. Gee I’m stunned.

Rosey, in civilian photographer attire, runs into Lance Storm who is reading Lita’s book. Storm agrees to have his picture taken when Hurricane comes in. There has been an accident at the Pittsburgh orphanage: someone has put caffeine in the babies’ milk and superheroes are needed! Rosey goes into a phone booth to change. Comedy ensues.

We look at the limo incident again.

The Dudleys come in to see Shane and tonight it’s an eight man tables match with the three of them and someone else against La Resistance/Jericho/Christian.

Goldberg tells….I’m guessing the parking lot attendant to look for the Cadillac that tried to run him over. Someone shoves a bunch of stuff off a high shelf but misses Goldberg.

Here’s Goldberg in the arena to say if someone wants the bounty, come get it. This brings out Shawn, who says the money isn’t a factor for him. Goldberg has forgotten the spear to Shawn last week and that’s not cool. Shawn: “When I make mistakes Goldberg, I own up to them.” Uh….yeah.

As you laugh at that statement, Goldberg and Shawn go nose to nose but here’s Tommy Dreamer with a kendo stick to….well to do very little as it’s a spear to cut him down. Shawn picks up the stick and Flair comes out, ranting and raving for Shawn to hit Goldberg. Now it’s Teddy Long and Mark Henry coming out saying they want the bounty. Bischoff shows up and makes Goldberg/Shawn vs. Flair/Orton/Henry for tonight.

Chris Jericho/Christian/La Resistance vs. Shane McMahon/Dudley Boyz/???

Tables match with one fall to a finish. The mystery partner is….the returning Booker T. Christian bails from Booker to start so we’ll go with Jericho instead. A kick to the face and a chop to the chest have Jericho in trouble before Bubba comes in for the big right hands. It’s off to Dupree who gets beaten up by both Dudleys. Jericho smacks D-Von in the back of the head though and the pace slows quite a bit.

We get into the standard alternating heel beatdowns as we’re still waiting on anything resembling to a tables match. Jericho scares the partners away but gets caught with a flying forearm. It’s off to Bubba to hammer away but Shane has to catch Jericho and Christian from walking up the ramp. You know, because they can’t beat up SHANE MCMAHON even when they’re up two to one.

Back in and ring and Shane punches away at Jericho, which of course works just fine. La Resistance crotches Shane against the post as this is already running longer than it needs. Thankfully the first table is set up at ringside but Booker scares the French guys off. Back from a break (WHY?) with Shane avoiding a charge to crotch Jericho on the ropes.

Conway is right there to keep Shane in trouble with a whip into Dupree’s elbow. The sleeper drop keeps Shane down and we hit the chinlock as I sit in awe of this show’s efforts to make Shane look like a big deal. Shane scores with a DDT for the hot tag off to Booker as everything breaks down.

Christian gets in a low blow to cut Booker down so Bubba hits the Bubba Bomb. Things finally start to pick up as Bubba brings in a trashcan to knock Bubba silly. D-Von makes the save this time though and Shane hits Coast to Coast. Well that escalated quickly. It’s table time but Jericho breaks it up with the Canadian flag. Cue Spike Dudley to go after Jericho, leaving Christian to take the 3D. Booker puts Conway through the table for the win.

Rating: D+. The match wasn’t even that bad but this was nearly twenty minutes long with most of it being pretty basic tag wrestling before everything went nuts in the last few minutes. Shane wasn’t exactly pushed down your throat here but he was the featured performer in the match. Do we really need to push him this hard? His match with Kane is obvious and someone else could get a rub here. It wasn’t bad but it could have been cut in half, which isn’t a good sign.

Video on the recent house shows. You don’t see that outside of an international tour very often.

Rosey still can’t get out of the phone booth.

Back in the arena, the winning team is putting on a Spinarooni exhibition when Jonathan Coachman interrupts. He shows us the limo incident again but Shane takes the mic away. The Dudleys and Booker get rid of Coach so we can go live to Kane’s hospital via satellite. The doctor says Kane has been in and out of consciousness all week. Shane challenges him to one more match and Kane’s heart rate monitor picks WAY up. He heard Kane crying and that’s enough to wake Kane up so he can attack the doctors.

Lita/Trish Stratus/Ivory vs. Victoria/Gail Kim/Molly Holly

It’s a brawl to start with Ivory flapjacking Gail and getting two off a bulldog. Lita comes in and gets taken down by Molly as Jerry compliments Victoria’s gear. For some reason this turns into a discussion of JR wearing a backwards leather thong. Molly gets crotched on top though and it’s quickly off to Trish. The Stratusphere brings Molly back down and Lita adds a Twist of Fate. Steven Richards takes Lita out but Trish gets a sunset flip for the pin on Victoria.

Rating: D. Adding Victoria and Ivory helped a little bit but there’s only so much you can do in a six person tag with four minutes and interference. The main story of the division seems to be Trish vs. Victoria, which isn’t the best idea in the world when you have the title just sitting on Molly and going nowhere. I’ll take a story over no story though and this is already better than a lot of the other stretches we’ve seen from the women’s division over the years.

Post match Stevie and Victoria go after Trish but Chris Jericho of all people makes the save and checks on her. That’s quite the sudden change of pace but I’m rather pleased.

We recap Austin beating up Steiner and Stunning Stacy earlier.

Jericho comes up to Austin in the back and calls him a disgrace. Chris leaves and Jon Heidenreich comes in with a highlight tape put together by Little Johnny. Austin actually agrees to watch it but Heidenreich panics when Austin asks who Little Johnny is. Now, Austin goes to find a bar but runs into Rosey in the phone booth. Austin decides to forgo the bar because he needs to drink now.

Flair and Orton are ready for the tag match when Henry and Long come in. They’ll go after Goldberg but they’re doing it to his face.

Goldberg/Shawn Michaels vs. Mark Henry/Randy Orton/Ric Flair

Orton and Shawn get things going but Michaels bails to the floor to slug away at Henry. Back in and Shawn takes out both Orton and Flair with the latter wanting Goldberg. Ric gets what he wants, has no luck on offense, and gets to face Michaels again. Orton has some better luck until he tries a forward dropkick which I don’t think was supposed to connect. Shawn didn’t look ready for it and Orton sold it like he crashed off a miss.

Anyway it’s off to Henry to throw Shawn around before Flair comes in for the chop off. A double clothesline allows the hot tag to Goldberg, who slams Henry with ease. The top rope elbow and a dive over the top leave Goldberg alone to spear Henry in half. A really sloppy looking Jackhammer (understandable) is enough for the pin on Mark.

Rating: D. Well at least this one was shorter. Between the Orton dropkick and Goldberg not being able to hit the Jackhammer properly (again, not the biggest criticism), the match was kind of a mess. At least Goldberg got to pin Henry and get us out of that story though and now we can move on to more serious threats. Like Shawn maybe.

Post match Shawn superkicks Goldberg and here’s Bischoff to make Goldberg vs. Shawn for next week.

Overall Rating: D. I think the lack of a pay per view is getting to this show in a hurry. With HHH out, there’s not much for most of these people to do, save for setting up Shane McMahon of all people as the second biggest face on the show. Then there’s Austin attacking Scott Steiner almost out of nowhere and I’m really not sure what the goal is right now, other than getting to Survivor Series. Some of the stuff is ok but so much of it feels like they’re just throwing stuff at the wall to fill in time. It’s certainly not the worst but a lot of this felt like a house show with a budget.

Remember to check out my new forum at steelcageforums.com, follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

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IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: October 9, 2003
Location: Hartford Civic Center, Hartford, Connecticut
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

With less than two weeks to No Mercy, the question becomes how can we find more time to talk about Vince and Stephanie. That story dominated last week’s show and has done so for months now. At least we’re heading towards their pay per view blowoff and that means we might be free soon enough. Let’s get to it.

Here’s last week’s show if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of last week’s Vince/Stephanie segment with Vince demanding that she quit (again) and Stephanie saying no (again) and getting in a fight with Sable (again).

Opening sequence.

Here’s Linda McMahon with the always awesome old school Wrestlemania theme music. She knows people are used to the McMahon Family drama but then Shane wrecked a limo with Kane inside. The week before that, Vince slammed Stephanie in the middle of this ring. Now there’s an I Quit match at No Mercy so maybe she can talk some sense into Stephanie. You know you can’t let Stephanie have that much attention without her being here in person so here she is.

She’s not going to back down and let Vince win….so here’s Vince because of course we need all of them out here. Vince talks about giving Stephanie a chance to get out of this match last week but now he wouldn’t let her out of it if she got on her knees and begged her. She’s made him brutalize her but he’ll do it with a clear conscience. His soul will be cleansed because he’s being forced to do it, just like Linda forced him to sire a second child. Linda says this match isn’t fair and asks what Vince is putting up. After a little goading, Vince puts up his Chairman spot to even things up.

We’re still not done though as Sable comes out with Vince calling her voluptuous. He introduces her to Linda and Sable rubs his chest while announcing she’ll be in Vince’s corner at No Mercy. Linda isn’t surprised because Sable will offer her services to anyone. Sable slaps Linda so Stephanie jumps her, only to get clotheslined by Vince. That’s your fifteen minute opening, because last year’s great wrestling show needed to be turned into the McMahon Variety Show.

Ultimo Dragon vs. Tajiri

Non-title and Rey Mysterio, announced as the #1 contender for No Mercy, is on commentary. Tajiri grabs a wristlock to start but the handspring elbow is broken up with a kick to the back. The Asai moonsault mostly misses and they head back inside. Dragon grabs a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker but Tajiri hits a Michinoku Driver for two of his own. The Tarantula is broken up and Rey talks about using these same counters. Makes sense. Not that it matters as the Buzzsaw kick ends Dragon in short order.

Rating: C-. Nothing wrong with this one as Tajiri gets some momentum heading into the title match. I liked Rey actually talking about what he could get out of doing commentary as most of the time it’s just a way to advance a story. You can do that after the match while also making it seem like there’s a reason to be out there in the first place. I’m still not sure what happened to Dragon though, as he came in and never even got warmed up before being turned into this.

Post match Tajiri kicks Dragon again, drawing Rey in for a 619.

Stephanie has big news: LINDA will be in her corner at No Mercy! That’s so lame I can’t even bother to make fun of it.

Undertaker comes out for a match but first he promises to break Lesnar at No Mercy. Vince is about to send the FBI out here to soften him up but he hasn’t come alone. Undertaker wants us to meet his best friend and pulls out a chain.

Undertaker vs. Chuck Palumbo

Yes the FBI still exists. Undertaker wastes no time in throwing Chuck around and hits an early Old School. Nunzio offers a distraction so Chuck can get in a few shots, only to miss a charge into the post. Another distraction lets Palumbo try a superkick, which is countered into the chokeslam for a fast pin.

Post match Lesnar comes in but Undertaker cleans house with the chain.

Paul London interrupts Vince and Sable and can’t get a handshake from the boss. He can however get a title match with Lesnar tonight. Didn’t we do this with Spanky earlier this year?

Big Show shoves a burrito into the face of some guy at catering.

Zach Gowen is back. Egads good for him.

Big Show vs. Orlando Jordan

Rematch from last week when Show’s burritos gave him some issues. The announcers discuss Show’s body fat as he throws Jordan around with ease. A dropkick to the back annoys Show so much that he clotheslines Jordan’s head off. Show boots him in the face and finishes with a chokeslam in short order.

In the back, Eddie says of course he’s nervous about Big Show chasing after him. The thing is, he has some cousins around here and if Show does get some revenge, it’s going to be a very stinky situation. Eddie compares this to Jack and the Beanstalk but Big Show jumps him and kicks the heck out of Eddie’s ribs.

We look at John Cena using a chain to beat Kurt Angle last week.

Tazz is emceeing a battle rap between Angle and Cena. It’s Cena out first to say Angle has less street cred than Michael Cole. Now those are fighting words. Cole: “I’ve got some street cred!” After Angle comes out, Cena goes first and raps his usual string of insults: Angle couldn’t win a bronze in the Special Olympics, he has no testicles, and….something that Angle cuts him off which sounded like foul language.

Angle praises the rapping skills and tells a story in rhyme, talking about how Cena thinks he’s black, threatening Cena if he uses the chain again (or a-gain as the story goes) and promising to make Cena tap. That’s enough for the fight to be on until Cena hits him with the mic. Cena gets in a few kicks tot he ribs but Angle rolls some German suplexes. The thread of an ankle lock sends Cena bailing. Fine segment, though it was no “I’m just a sexy Kurt, I’ll make your ankle hurt!”

Video on Zach Gowen.

Zach Gowen vs. Shannon Moore

Matt Hardy, who is not afraid to eat alone in public and likes portabella mushrooms, is on commentary. Moore puts him on top and gets kicked in the face, followed by another kick for two. Matt: “I may be going out on a limb here, one limb in particular, but Zach Gowen doesn’t impress me as a wrestler.” A suplex into the corner takes Gowen down and it’s off to a chinlock.

Back up and a springboard kick to the face drops Moore, followed by a swinging neckbreaker. Hardy offers a distraction and Moore gets two off a rollup. Gowen grabs a DDT but Matt shoves Gowen off the top (the referee seems fine with the idea that Gowen just dove down onto his back for no apparent reason), setting up Shannon’s running flip neckbreaker for the pin.

Rating: D. And that’s a Zach Gowen match: he does fairly impressive moves and the announcers talk about how amazing it is. It still has the exact same problem as always though: if you’ve seen it once, there’s not much appeal to seeing it again. Now that I’ve seen it for several months now, I’m really over it as the action is nothing above an independent level and the commentary beating the idea into my head gets really old.

Undertaker leaves Stephanie’s office and laughs.

No Mercy rundown. The card isn’t too bad but that double main event is death.

We recap the opening segment and Linda sneering still isn’t intimidating.

Chris Benoit/APA vs. Basham Brothers/A-Train

Hang on a second as the Bashams chair the APA down, leaving Faarooq down in the aisle and making this a handicap match. This must be the start of transitioning Faarooq out as it’s the second time in a few weeks where Bradshaw has wrestled and Faarooq hasn’t for one reason or another.

The double teaming is on with Bradshaw getting taken apart, including a Vader Bomb from A-Train as Faarooq is taken out. Danny grabs a chinlock but A-Train misses another splash, allowing the hot tag to Benoit. A-Train takes a German suplex and the Sharpshooter makes Danny tap but he’s not legal. The referee says no and it’s A-Train hitting the Derailer for the pin.

Rating: D+. I know I’ve said this a lot tonight but that’s another match where it went as you would expect. A-Train pinning Benoit when he had an advantage was fine, but it’s still setting up A-Train vs. Benoit on pay per view. This also seems to be setting up Bradshaw’s singles run and….egads.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Paul London

Paul, who is challenging, doesn’t even get an entrance. Brock actually says he respects London for coming out here but gets cut off by the YOU TAPPED OUT chants. He offers London a chance to look at the title, which he might get to hold himself one day. London does touch is and gets a hard clothesline as the beating begins in a hurry. Powerslams and a powerbomb set up the F5 to destroy London in less than ninety seconds. In case you didn’t get the idea when he did this to Gowen and Spanky earlier this year.

Post match Brock loads up the F5 into the post but Spanky runs out for the failed save attempt. Lesnar throws him back first into the post for a great looking bump. Cue Undertaker to say Stephanie has made their match at No Mercy a biker chain match. That’s all we hear and the announcers are left wondering what the heck that is. Good thing Undertaker decided he liked chains earlier in the night.

We look back at Big Show attacking Eddie earlier.

Chavo Guerrero leaves the trainer’s room and says Eddie is pretty banged up. He’s going to call Big Show out.

Post break Chavo is in the ring calling Show out. Here’s Show in a suit to say he’s hitting the town. Oh dear I’m scared of where this is going. Chavo says he’s chicken and that’s actually enough to get a match started. Who knew Big Show was a Marty McFly fan?

Big Show vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

Chavo rolls outside and it’s a countout at about forty five seconds.

Chavo isn’t done as he waves a sewage truck out with Eddie riding on the back. For some reason, Big Show stands in the ring which Eddie talks about his cousin bringing this truck to the arena. Eddie talks about the hose on the truck that you put in the ground to pull out all the….well you know. He’s going to spray it on Show, who FINALLY gets out of the ring and runs away, only to trip over a cord. Eddie sprays him down a few times and Big Show falls down multiple times to end the show. Counting the stuff before the break, this was the last fifteen minutes of the show.

Overall Rating: D-. Oh man that was awful. The show started with a fifteen minute McMahon summit and then ended with a fifteen minute segment built around spraying Big Show with human waste. In between, there was something about Undertaker discovering a love of chains, a battle rap, and some short squashes. That’s how they’re going to make us want to see a pay per view featuring the battling McMahons and something called a biker chain match. This was a total misfire and one of the worst Smackdowns I can ever remember.

Remember to check out my new forum at steelcageforums.com, follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: October 6, 2003
Location: Mohegan Sun Arena, Uncasville, Connecticut
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

After last week’s show, the big story is HHH playing Harley Race to Goldberg’s Ric Flair by putting out a $100,000 bounty on anyone who can take Goldberg out. That opens a lot of doors for the company and WWE has decided to go through the Mark Henry door. To be fair though….actually there’s not much of a positive way to go with this. Let’s get to it.

Here’s last week’s show if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of HHH issuing the bounty. I know it’s an old story but it works perfectly well for what they needed it to be.

Opening sequence.

Kane vs. Rosey

Fallout from last week. Rosey wastes no time in knocking Kane down and hitting a splash for an early two. That’s about it for Rosey’s offense though as Kane pops back up and hits Rosey in the face. Choking in the corner keeps him in trouble and something like a spinebuster plants Rosey again. Rosey is right back up with a corner splash and a DDT but a legdrop wakes Kane up for some reason. A roll underneath a clothesline gives Rosey an opening but he walks right into a chokeslam for the pin.

Rating: D. Rosey was trying here but Kane has already fallen all the way down to fighting comedy acts. I mean, Shane isn’t going to be taken seriously a lot of the time but he’s a step above these two at the moment. Also, if you need teams as badly as this “division” does, I see very little value in building them up and then having Kane decimate both members in short order.

Post match Hurricane comes out but gets beaten down as well. Cue the returning Shane to come in through the crowd for some cheap shots before bailing.

Post break, Kane is looking for Shane in the production trucks. After scaring some production workers, it’s back to the parking lot where Shane is just standing there. Shane dives into a limo and Kane can’t get in so he blasts the back window with a pipe. For some reason he THROWS THE PIPE DOWN THROUGH THE SUN ROOF and goes in after it, only to have Shane slip out. With Kane in the back, Shane rigs up the limo to drive forward on its own, sending it crashing into a big truck for a massive crash. JR and King go into serious mode and we cut to an abrupt commercial.

Back with medics trying to get the very bloody Kane out of the limo. It’s so tragic (and spontaneous) that we have about five different camera angles of the crash. The jaws of life are brought in as Steve Austin shows up to see if Kane is alive. Austin: “Is he still alive?” Steve never was that subtle.

Gail Kim vs. Lita

Molly Holly sits in on commentary because you can switch from segment to segment that quickly. At least she sounds shaken up. The place just goes nuts for Lita again, which is becoming the norm in a hurry. Lita gets in some right hands in the corner and thankfully Lawler isn’t being his usual self in a women’s match. A suplex looks to set up a Vader Bomb (which is WAY off target) but Gail gets her knees up.

We hit the chinlock as Gail continues to show off that great offense. She tries a neck crank, which means putting one hand on top of Lita’s tilted head and resting the other on her shoulder. You can’t even grab her chin??? A dragon sleeper looks better and a basement dropkick drops Lita again. Gail points to her head because she’s smart enough to hit a dropkick you see. Lita gets in a Russian legsweep for a breather and a spinning belly to back suplex (the Lita Bomb according to JR) is good for two.

Back up and Gail jumps from the middle rope onto Lita’s back in what I think was supposed to be a bulldog but wound up being more like a Thesz press from behind. Not that it matters as Gail rolls too far and gets cradled for two, making that move such a mess that I had to watch it twice to see what happened. Thankfully Lita finishes with the DDT a few seconds later.

Rating: F+. What the heck was that? This was just a few steps ahead of last year’s Jackie Gayda match with Gail managing to mess up things as simple as a neck crank (grab head with both hands and tilt). It’s kind of amazing that they had such solid tag matches in the last few weeks but had this bad of a singles match. I knew Molly was good but I didn’t realize she and Trish were holding things together that well.

Eric Bischoff tries to get to Kane but firemen hold him back.

HHH has a bunch of $100 bills laid out in a path to the briefcase full of cash. The question of the day is who will take Goldberg out. That kind of money could change someone’s life and buy a lot of things. It might even buy someone into Evolution. It could be Goldberg’s best friend, so the question is who’s next, because everybody’s got a price. Goldberg has friends?

Shawn Michaels wants Mark Henry tonight but Austin says no.

Scott Steiner comes out for his match with a defeated Stacy Keibler at his side. All Steiner cares about are his freaks and his peaks but sometimes the freaks mess up. Steiner recaps the Unforgiven loss and wants an apology with Stacy on her knees. This brings out Bischoff who says he’s glad to see the Big Poppa Pump that he’s known for years. As a thank you, Bischoff has hand picked Steiner’s opponent. JR: “Maybe Steiner is going to get what he deserves!” JR, if you’re going to be stupid, just be quiet.

Scott Steiner vs. Spike Dudley

Joined in progress with Steiner pressing him to the floor….and let’s cut to the bloody Kane being removed from the limo. Back in the arena, Steiner is suplexing Spike like he’s…well like he’s Spike Dudley actually. JR gets annoyed at Lawler for asking how he can call this match as Spike comes back with a running headbutt to the ribs. The Dudley Dog is countered with a suplex and the push-up elbow sets up the Downward Spiral for the pin. Not enough shown to rate due to the Kane thing but it was Spike Dudley vs. Scott Steiner. I think you can figure it out pretty easily.

Post match Steiner gives him a super Angle Slam but the Dudleys run in for the save. Test comes out and pulls Steiner away from a 3D.

Goldberg beats up La Resistance for trying to collect the bounty. I love how their method was just beating him up instead of, you know, hitting him with a pipe or something.

Back at the limo, Bischoff asks a witness what he saw. THE WHOLE THING WAS SHOWN ON TV! Anyway Bischoff blames it on Austin, including if Kane dies tonight.

Here’s Chris Jericho, flanked by Coach, Lance Storm and Christian, for a chat. Jericho isn’t surprised by what happened to Kane because Austin is causing all of this. It was Austin who told Kane to unleash his inner monster and that’s messed up the entire show. We’re in Connecticut tonight and Jericho wants to appeal to the board of directors: Austin needs to be relieved of all of his power here on Raw.

Jericho even has testimonials from people whose careers have been ruined by Austin, starting with Coach. Everyone knows Coach and Al Snow won fair and square at Unforgiven but Austin wouldn’t have that. Instead Austin gave his boy JR a rematch so the teams changed again. Now Coach is backstage doing interviews again despite being the best looking option.

Next up is Christian, who retained the Intercontinental Title both at Unforgiven and then the next night on Raw. Then Austin called him a CLB and made him defend the title in a ladder match! We see some highlights from the match with Rob Van Dam winning the title and it’s all Austin’s fault.

That leaves us with Storm, who Jericho says has been deemed boring. Now he’s reduced to coming to the ring to watered down techno music and doing a bad dance. Storm says Jericho is completely wrong though, because Storm is having fun, meaning we get a little dance. He thinks Austin is doing a great job as GM while Jericho is doing a great job of being a jack***.

The beatdown is on but Austin comes out….and doesn’t change much as Jericho is smart enough to realize Austin can’t do anything. Van Dam comes out for the real save and Austin complains about not being able to fight. The tag match is made for right now. This was all it needed to be and I could go with Storm getting a bigger push as a result.

Lance Storm/Rob Van Dam vs. Christian/Chris Jericho

The villains take their time getting in so we’re joined in progress with Rob in trouble. That’s broken up with a kick to the chest and it’s off to Storm….as the fans go silent. An enziguri takes Jericho down but he’s up fast enough to break up the Maple Leaf. Everything breaks down and Rob dives onto Jericho for a double knockdown. Storm hits a better looking dive and throws Christian back inside, only to get beaten down.

Jericho knocks him off the top and drops Storm face first onto the exposed barricade. We hit the chinlock for a bit until Christian throws Lance into the corner for a good stomping. The Walls are reversed so Jericho settles for a dropkick instead. Storm knocks Jericho back though and rolls over for the tag to Van Dam as things speed up again.

The middle rope kick to the face and a hot shot have Jericho in trouble. A split legged moonsaut gives Rob two and Christian is dropped onto Jericho for the, ahem, suggestive landing. Rolling Thunder onto both gets two and Rob scores with the Five Star on the illegal Christian. Jericho is back in with the Lionsault for two and grabs the Walls but Storm tags himself in. A missile dropkick finishes Jericho to give Storm the big pin.

Rating: B. Take four talented guy, let them have some time, and get a good match. On top of that, Storm gets a rub by pinning Jericho clean. That’s the kind of thing they need to do: elevate some people and see what they can do. If Storm can get a following or some charisma, he could be quite a solid midcard player.

Another recap of the car crash.

Teddy Long says Mark Henry destroying Shawn Michaels last week will go down in wrestling history. Long needs to stick to thuggin n buggin because history isn’t his strong suit. Henry is going to claim the bounty and then win the World Heavyweight Title.

Randy Orton/Ric Flair vs. Mark Jindrak/Garrison Cade

Yes they’re still trying to make this team work. Orton works on Cade’s arm to start with JR saying these are two of the best young stars in WWE. An uppercut puts Cade down and a clothesline does the same to Jindrak. The announcers discuss books as Jindrak backdrops Flair to silence.

It’s back to Cade as this crowd is almost eerily silent. Flair takes over again as I’m wondering why WWE thinks Cade/Jindrak getting squashed is a good idea. Cade’s right hands don’t work and something like a bulldog to Orton is greeted by the same silence. Jindrak does the top rope spinning clothesline and a spinebuster/dropkick combination drops Flair. Not that it matters as Orton RKO’s Jindrak to give Flair the pin.

Rating: F. I don’t often notice the crowd reactions but EGADS this was bad. Not that the wrestling itself was the worst but there was no fire, no heat and no interest from anyone. Hopefully this ends the sticking of the toe into the Jindrak and Cade water because it’s completely not working.

During the break, Flair and Orton were celebrating when they ran into Maven and Trish Stratus. Maven doesn’t think much of the win and asks about a rematch with Cade and Jindrak (SOMEONE SHUT THAT MAN UP!). Flair tells Maven to shut up and a match is made for next week. Ric: “I’ve had more World Championships than you’ve had women.” I take it that’s a yes.

Steven Richards/Victoria vs. Maven/Trish Stratus

Fallout from Victoria joining forces with Molly and Victoria because there isn’t another worthy woman to team with Trish against Molly and Victoria here. Richards chops Maven in the corner but walks into an atomic drop. Maven’s good looking dropkick doesn’t get much of a reaction but a tag to Trish gets….well it’s not much but at least it’s something. The Thesz press (with Victoria sliding underneath Trish, who landed off to the side) has Victoria in trouble and a Matrish into a hurricanrana puts her down again.

Richards breaks up the Stratusphere though and Victoria hits a slingshot double legdrop to the chest. It’s off to a bearhug and Lawler is back to his normal self about the visuals. Trish shoves her away and brings in Maven for the clotheslines. Everything breaks down and Victoria gets kicked to the floor. A Chick Kick to Richards sets up Maven’s spinning faceplant for the pin.

Rating: D. Still not good but at least Maven and Trish had some good looking stuff. This was another bad tag match though and that’s not what this show needed in front of a dead crowd. The young guys are terrible right now and someone like Maven, who was supposed to be a bigger deal off of Tough Enough, isn’t doing anyone any favors.

Post match Victoria sends Trish into the steps.

Mark Henry vs. Goldberg

Non-title and Rodney Mack is sent to the back. Goldberg charges into the ring in a rare visual and Henry pounds him down to start. Some corner splashes crush Goldberg again and there’s a gorilla press drop. Three straight clotheslines don’t do much damage to Henry, who comes back with a Rock Bottom of all things for two. Another splash hurts Goldberg’s ribs and a shoulder breaker switches things up to the arm. Goldberg gets in an armbreaker to slow Henry down a bit but a Boss Man Slam cuts Goldberg down again. A slam looks to set up the spear but here’s Mack with a chair for the DQ.

Rating: D-. Somehow that’s the second best of the final three matches. This was Goldberg being destroyed for a few minutes and then not even getting to pin Henry. Let me repeat that: Goldberg, who won the World Title less than a month ago, isn’t getting to pin Mark Henry. I have no idea how this is supposed to make sense other than setting up another match later on, because GOLDBERG isn’t allowed to get a clean win here. If they wanted to further kill the crowd, they somehow managed to pull it off.

Post match Shawn runs in to superkick Mack, only to have Goldberg miss Henry and spear Shawn by mistake. Goldberg gives Henry the Jackhammer to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. Somehow this show wound up being about Shane McMahon’s attempted murder of Kane and HHH, who wasn’t actually on the show. Other than that it was a bunch of terrible matches (save for that one rather good tag match), even more recaps/updates on Kane nearly dying and blaming Austin for everything. This show left me deflated, and that’s not a good sign when we have over a month before the next time these guys are on pay per view. Absolutely terrible here with the main focuses being Shane and Goldberg keeping the title warm for HHH. Figure out what the fans want, because this isn’t it.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: October 2, 2003
Location: Bradley Center, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

Somehow we’re less than three weeks away from No Mercy but as luck would have it we already have a double main event. In this case it’s Vince McMahon vs. his daughter Stephanie in an I Quit match and Brock Lesnar defending the Smackdown World Title against Undertaker. This isn’t exactly the most thrilling stuff in the world but guess which one is going to get the most attention. Let’s get to it.

Here’s last week’s show if you need a recap.

Opening sequence, still including Sean O’Haire. I don’t remember the last time he was even on this show.

US Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Matt Hardy

Matt, who has had four speeding tickets but gotten out of over twenty of them, is challenging. Eddie is ticked off at Matt for injuring his ribs last week so the stomping is on in a hurry. A shoulder puts Matt down but bangs up Eddie’s ribs all over again. Eddie gets dropped ribs first onto the top rope and Matt starts in like a villain should.

Matt plants him with a powerbomb for two and the Side Effect gets the same. A bow and arrow hold is countered into a neckbreaker and Eddie gets a breather. Three Amigos connect as Tazz is talking about Mexican hockey teams. Matt is ready for the frog splash though and brings Eddie down with a superplex.

A neckbreaker cuts Eddie down again but Matt would rather distract Chavo, allowing Shannon to come in with a title. This is what happens when you let lackeys run wild. Naturally Eddie takes it away and throws the title to Matt while feigning innocence. The referee gets rid of that belt but Chavo hits Matt with the other one because cheating is a family business. The frog splash retains the title.

Rating: C+. The endings might be a bit unoriginal but you try turning down that grin. Eddie had so much charisma that it’s almost impossible to not like him at least on some level and that’s what worked so well here. I could watch Eddie do this stuff for hours and the wrestling working so well helped too. Eddie has been the best thing about the last several shows and I don’t see that changing anytime soon.

Video on Wrestlemania tickets going on sale.

John Cena got annoyed at Josh Matthews for talking about “dope rhymes”. Tonight, Cena puts Angle in his shadow.

Eddie and Chavo run into Big Show and ask him about him attacking Eddie last week. Show doesn’t like “Eddie’s kind”, but he does like Mexican food. He shoves Eddie down and Chavo isn’t happy with the lack of Latino heat. Eddie is going to take care of this Guerrero style.

APA vs. Basham Brothers

It’s a brawl to start and of course the APA gets the better of it, easily clearing out the ring. Faarooq beats both of them up on his own before it’s off to Bradshaw for chops and a Last Call on Doug. Shaniqua offers a distraction though and Danny posts Bradshaw to take over. As usual, Shaniqua comes off like the star of the team, completely defeating the purpose of her being out there. Bradshaw suplexes his way out of a chinlock and it’s back to Faarooq for the house cleaning. The referee gets bumped (In this match?) so Shaniqua kicks Bradshaw in the face, leaving Faarooq to take the Ball and Gag for the pin.

Rating: D. Again, I’d like to point out that I’m supposed to be interested in a team whose finishing move is called the Ball and Gag. There are times where a gimmick is going to kill yo before you can do anything else and that’s what’s happened with the Bashams. I have no idea why they spent so much time down in developmental to be given this treatment on the main roster, but it shows the disconnect between the two places.

Post match, Bradshaw hits Shaniqua with the Clothesline. Again: she’s treated like a more important deal than the team she’s managing.

Chris Benoit vs. Charlie Haas

A-Train is on commentary. As you might expect, it’s a grappling exchange to start with neither being able to get much of an advantage on the mat. Charlie’s hammerlock is reversed into a wristlock as A-Train rants about Benoit not being able to get him in the Crossface. Benoit headlocks him down and does it again when Charlie tries to get up. It’s too early for the Crossface though and Benoit is sent outside.

A-Train actually does something by offering a distraction, allowing Haas to baseball slide Benoit down. Haas starts in on the ribs with a gutbuster before a clothesline gets two. Something like an abdominal stretch with Benoit on the mat keeps the ribs in trouble as A-Train continues to have nothing interesting to say. Some kicks to the ribs set up a normal standard abdominal stretch as Benoit just can’t get anything going.

A single German suplex rocks Charlie but he takes Benoit right back down to continue the wrestling clinic. Benoit finally gets in a clothesline and the release German suplex is good for two. Haas is right back with a suplex of his own, dropping Benoit on his head in a scary landing. Not that it matters as Benoit slaps on the Crossface, drawing A-Train in for the DQ.

Rating: C+. Haas is someone who sticks to a game plan very well as his finisher works the ribs so he beats on the opponent’s ribs for the entire match. What’s not all well and good is A-Train talking. He looks like a monster and wrestles a monster style, but egads he doesn’t need to be out there talking. It’s just not something he’s good at and him saying these really lame limes for the whole match didn’t make me want to see them fight. Stick to what people are good at and stop trying to wedge them into places where they don’t fit.

Post match A-Train puts Benoit in a Crossface of his own.

Here are Vince and Sable for their weekly segment as Cole tries to explain why Vince vs. Stephanie is still going. Tazz thinks it’s all a way to get Stephanie to quit. What gave you that idea Tazz? All the times where he ordered her to quit? Vince talks about everyone needing an opportunity to be forgiven for making a mistake, which brings him to Stephanie. She needs to reverse her decision to have Brock Lesnar defend the title against Undertaker and then quit immediately.

Cue Stephanie (nearly falling out of her top the entire way) to say she won’t do either of those things. Vince ups the ante for No Mercy: when she quits, she’s out of a job too. Stephanie almost begs him not to make the match but Vince goes into a rant about how Stephanie is throwing away all the years of their relationship. He calls what she’s doing defiance and Stephanie starts getting what she considers emotional.

Sable reminds Vince of what he called Stephanie last week so Stephanie tells her to go lay on her back in the men’s locker room like she does best. The catfight is on until Vince slams Stephanie, who starts crying. Undertaker comes out for the save and kicks fellow invader Brock Lesnar in the face as more crying ensues.

So quick recap of this story: we’re supposed to be on the side of and feel sympathy for the rather good looking (and surgically enhanced) millionaire heiress who is being told to quit her vanity job by the father who caused her to be a millionaire heiress in the first place? Oh and after EVERYTHING that Vince has done to people over the years (and that Stephanie has done to people over the years for that matter), a single slam is supposed to be this big, devastating moment? And this is their best idea?

A very stereotypical Mexican delivery guy (complete with a brightly colored blanket and a sombrero with MEXICO written on it) shouts about a delivery of burritos for Eddie. Big Show intercepts them and eats one before spitting in another, which is especially for Eddie. The delivery guy has no issue with any of this.

Cruiserweight Title: Billy Kidman vs. Tajiri

Tajiri is defending. Kidman accidentally runs into the referee to start (not something you see very often) but manages to hurricanrana the champ out to the floor. That means a big dive as things are starting fast. Back in and Kidman’s slingshot is countered with a kick to the shoulder and Tajiri takes over. Tajiri starts in on the arm with a hammerlock and some knees as Tazz talks about the importance of intensity.

Another kick to the shoulder set s up another hammerlock as this isn’t exactly what you would expect from Tajiri. Kidman comes back with an enziguri for two but Tajiri kicks him out of the air (that’s more like it) to take Kidman down again. The BK Bomb gets two and Kidman ducks the Buzzsaw Kick, only to get caught with a low blow. Now the Buzzsaw Kick connects to retain the title.

Rating: C. The arm work was a nice change for Tajiri and it made for a fun match. The cruiserweight division isn’t the most interesting in the world right now but at least the talent still around is putting on some good to very good matches. That being said, what in the world happened to Ultimo Dragon? He’s still doing dark matches and Velocity, but that might be a record for the fastest fall from grace I can remember in a long time. It was like two weeks.

Orlando Jordan vs. Big Show

Show comes to the ring holding his stomach and seems to have some issues after kicking Jordan in the ribs. A clothesline puts Jordan down but Show bails to the floor and takes the countout due to stomach issues. Cole after the countout: “The burritos having a negative effect on Big Show!” Thirty seconds later: “What is wrong with Big Show???”

Zach Gowen joins us live via satellite and says he’s tired of being asked how he’s doing. He knows wrestling is for him and he’s back in the ring next week.

We now join Big Show in the bathroom with various sound effects. Eddie comes in and admits that he spiked the burritos, knowing that Show would steal them. He also steals the toilet paper because COMEDY! So to recap: a few weeks ago, Eddie was in a great fight with Cena inside a ring of cars and then became a double champion. Now it’s toilet humor. Thanks for that WWE.

John Cena/Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle/Undertaker

Cena’s rap says he makes it ok to root for the villain and something about a man dressed as a woman. The fans remind Lesnar that he tapped out as Kurt and Cena start things off. Kurt takes him down without much effort and armdrags Cena into an armbar. One heck of a clothesline gives Angle two and it’s off to Undertaker. The arm cranking continues but Undertaker stops to swing at Lesnar.

The distraction lets Cena poke Angle in the eye and Kurt gets beaten down in the corner. A good looking backdrop puts Cena down though and we take a break. Back with Lesnar firing off shoulders to Kurt’s ribs in the corner as we’re firmly in the tag team formula. Lesnar stomps on Kurt and hits a gorilla press, only to have Angle grab a German suplex. Cena offers a distraction though and the referee misses the ensuing hot tag.

A Shell Shock of all things gives Brock two and a powerslam plants Kurt again. Somehow Kurt is right back up with the Angle Slam and it’s a double knockdown. That’s enough for the hot tag to Undertaker, who comes in with the running corner clotheslines. Brock is thrown to the floor (nearly landing on his head in the process) but still comes back in to break up the cover on Cena. There’s a spinebuster to Undertaker though and it’s back to Angle via the power of Olympic recovery skills. Suplexes a go-go have the villains reeling but Cena grabs the chain to knock Angle cold for the fast pin.

Rating: B-. Pretty solid main event tag here as I’m always a fan of combining two feuds into one for an easy match like this. Cena pinning Angle is the right call as Angle showed he’s dominant with wrestling and playing by the rules but loses when Cena cheats. Undertaker being all fired up doesn’t do much for me but it’s all we’ve got for a co-main event right now.

Post match Lesnar loads up the F5 to put Undertaker through the table but gets reversed, setting a chokeslam through said table to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This was a show where the wrestling was completely acceptable for the majority of the show but the stuff outside of the matches was dreadful. I mean, spiked burritos and OH NO VINCE MCMAHON DID A WRESTLING MOVE??? We’re coming up on a pretty weak pay per view with the battling McMahons as the real main event but the rest of the show isn’t exactly thrilling either. At least the TV is watchable, which is more than can be said about the episodes of Raw leading up to Unforgiven.

Remember to check out my new forum at steelcageforums.com, follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: September 29, 2003
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Commentators: Al Snow, Jonathan Coachman

It’s a big night tonight because THE BATTLING ANNOUNCERS ARE BACK! This time around we have it’s in the form of Jim Ross vs. Jonathan Coachman for the commentary job, because Steve Austin can just do that again. Oh and there’s a ladder match for the Intercontinental Title with Christian defending against Rob Van Dam. Let’s get to it.

Need a recap?  Here’s last week’s show.

Opening sequence.

Snow and Coach, already at the desk, get another entrance this week.

Here are Chris Jericho and Eric Bischoff, who come out together, for the Highlight Reel. Bischoff gets things going by announcing that Austin is suspended for a week due to the unprovoked attack last week. Totally fair point actually. Jericho thinks that’s too light and blames Austin for costing him the World Title last week. It turns out that Bischoff isn’t the guest so here’s Jim Ross.

Jericho isn’t happy with it but tonight JR could get his job back. However, Bischoff thinks Coach should get to pick the stipulation. Coach says he’s thought about whipping JR before (That’s not something I’ve ever needed to know.) so we’ll make it a country whipping match. Jericho brings up Kane burning JR’s back a few months ago, which could make a whipping match all the more painful. That sounds great to Bischoff but JR says they better hope he wins tonight, because they all suck.

In response to that horrible comeback, Jericho slaps on the Walls of Jericho but here’s the suspended Austin for the save. Austin knew something like this would happen but Bischoff sends security after him. They grab his drinking arm (both of them actually) and that means a Stunner to give the fans something to cheer. I’m not seeing that happening when JR is wrestling so take what you can get.

Post break, Austin has been put outside with security blocking his entrance.

Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. Test/Scott Steiner

Test and Steiner are challenging. The sleeveless top, black skirt and tie look works quite well for Stacy Keibler. Steiner and Test get in an argument over who starts so Bubba pulls Test in and pounds away in the corner. Test avoids a shot and goes to tag Steiner, who takes a step back down the steps.

The pumphandle slam is easily blocked but Test can break up the What’s Up. D-Von isn’t as adept at breaking up the pumphandle but Steiner breaks it up at two. Stacy takes a chair away from Test and gets shoved down, leaving Scott to take a Bubba Bomb. With Test still mad, Stacy chairs him in the head, setting up the 3D to retain in short order.

Post match Steiner says he doesn’t like Test but he doesn’t forgive Stacy for calling all these problems. He gives her a belly to belly, making Steiner a heel who is teaming with another heel who he doesn’t like while being managed by a face. Again: weird year.

Post break, we see some replays of the suplex to Stacy. Snow wants to know why director Kevin Dunn is showing this.

Here’s Kane to rant about Shane McMahon. Last week he tasted Shane’s blood and loved it. This is just the beginning….so here’s Hurricane to interrupt. Hurricane shows us a clip of the two of them winning the Tag Team Titles last year. Less than a year later, Kane has become a psychopathic monster.

Kane says Hurricane represents everything Kane used to hate about himself and invites Hurricane to come down and see what the monster is like. That’s a no (what a horrible superhero) so Kane goes after a kid in the front row. The kid needs to feel his pain and that’s enough for Hurricane to come in for the save. That just leads to a beatdown until Rosey comes in for the real save….which actually works?

Earlier today, Mark Jindrak and Garrison Cade were playing the new WWE game when Maven wants to join in. La Resistance comes in and calls that stupid. Cade INSULTS THE FRENCH ARMY IN WORLD WAR TWO (Dupree: “That’s two hundred years ago!”) and a six man seems to be made for later.

La Resistance vs. Garrison Cade/Maven/Mark Jindrak

The good guys clean house to start until a flag shot to the back cuts Cade off. The French villains take turns with some shots to the jaw before Conway has to break up a sunset flip at two. Conway grabs a chinlock until a suplex gets Cade out of trouble. Maven gets the hot tag and fires off some dropkicks as everything breaks down. The double spinebuster plants Maven but Jindrak makes the save (Snow: “He’s just stuck with a really bad name. I tried to get him to change it.”). Jindrak and Cade’s Hart Attack with a dropkick pins Conway.

Rating: D. I get the youth movement idea but Jindrak is the only one with the slightest glimmer of potential. Maven is still a pair of eyebrows with a bad wrestler attached and Garrison Cade is named Garrison Cade. It’s not like La Resistance is much better but at least they have characters.

Austin is still trying to get in when Rob Van Dam comes up to thank him for giving Rob the ladder match tonight. Van Dam leaves and Austin runs into a good sized guy who is a bit star struck. His name is Jon Heidenreich and he’s tried to be a wrestler for ten years. Jon has a ticket, and that gets Austin’s attention. They go off to have a little talk.

HHH joins us via satellite to talk about paranoia sinking in on Goldberg. He knows Goldberg will crack but he’d like to push it along a bit. We pan to the side where HHH has a briefcase. If he had a dollar for every time someone chanted GOLDBERG, he’d be a rich man. It turns out that he is a rich man, so whoever can take Goldberg out gets $100,000. The game just got a lot more interesting. If you consider 1983 Mid-Atlantic more interesting (and I could see how you would), that’s true.

Jim Ross vs. Jonathan Coachman

The commentary jobs are on the line and they both have leather straps but you win via pin or submission. Jericho comes out for commentary and JR hits a quick whip shot to send Coach outside (though he maintains his hat). Coach gets in an argument with a fan (Jericho calls it ballyhooing) and gets whipped back into the ring. Jericho compares Coach to a young Tito Santana (YOU TAKE THAT BACK!) and now it’s time for Coach to get in his own whips.

As JR mouths some rather severe swearing, Coach whips him down even more until a low blow cuts him off. JR takes Coach’s shirt off and more whipping ensues. Bischoff tries to run in and gets whipped as well, leaving JR to hit a Stunner (Well, kind of. JR went down like he was giving a Diamond Cutter but Coach sold it like a Stunner.) for the pin.

Rating: F. Oh what else were you expecting? Well actually some more interference, though at least Coach isn’t a wrestler so this wasn’t the biggest stretch in the world. That being said, what in the world was the point of this whole story? To continue Bischoff vs. Austin? Well fine, but there was NOTHING else they could do other than this stupid announcers feud? I don’t quite buy that.

Lawler comes in to celebrate and of course Austin, with the ticket, jumps the barricade to raise JR’s hand. Jericho has been on a nearly continuous rant about how unfair this is, showing how he really could be an awesome heel announcer if he’d ever need to lower himself like that. Austin finally cuts him off by saying he’ll drink to this so beer is consumed.

Video on Wrestlemania tickets going on sale. It’s still cool.

Terri is in the ring to interview Lita about her new book. Lita sucks up to the fans a bit but says she’s past the broken neck. She’s back…and here are Gail Kim and Molly Holly to interrupt. Molly rants about Trish having a DVD and Lita having a book. Where’s Gail’s DVD? Where’s Molly’s book? Well Gail has been around for about three months and Molly could just write a book.

The beatdown is on with Lita easily escaping a double suplex before Trish can get in for the save. Molly and Gail get beaten up for a bit until Victoria runs in for the real beatdown. Gail rips up the book and shoves the pages in Lita’s mouth. This has some more potential, partially because there’s an actual division being put together instead of just three people.

Kane vs. The Hurricane

Hurricane jumps him on the floor and hits a flip dive from the top. Back in and a Shining Wizard (which was a knee that barely grazed the back of Kane’s head) gets two. That’s about it from Hurricane though as Kane sends him into the corner and finishes with the chokeslam in less than a minute.

Kane gives him another chokeslam for good measure.

Goldberg isn’t worried about the bounty and beats up Steven Richards as he tries to collect.

Ric Flair/Randy Orton vs. Goldberg/Shawn Michaels

Goldberg shoves Flair down to start and double clotheslines both villains down. It’s off to so Shawn for a clothesline to put Flair on the floor but Orton catches him with the backbreaker. The slow beating continues until Flair’s chops wake Shawn up for a bit but Orton cuts him off with a dropkick. It’s back to Flair who struts a lot, allowing Shawn to nip up and hit the flying forearm. The hot tag brings in Goldberg for a series of backdrops and a spear to Flair. Shawn superkicks Orton to the floor but here’s Rodney Mack with a chair to Goldberg for the DQ.

Rating: D+. This was a formula tag match to advance the bounty angle. There’s nothing wrong with that and at least they didn’t spend a ton of time on something like this. Goldberg having to fight off various people until he gets to the big fight is fine, especially when there’s about two months before the next time Raw is on pay per view.

Goldberg runs through Mack but Mark Henry destroys Shawn, busting him open and dragging him up the steps.

Post break Teddy Long praises Mark, who wants Goldberg next week.

Christian is walking through the back and blows a kiss to Trish and Lita before running into Tommy Dreamer. Tommy calls him a CLB so Christian rants about how awesome he is and steals Dreamer’s apple.

Video on the Rundown.

Intercontinental Title: Christian vs. Rob Van Dam

Christian is defending in a ladder match. Rob easily wins a battle of kicks to start but Christian won’t let him set up an early ladder. Instead it’s Christian picking one up so Rob hits a flip dive over the top onto the ladder onto Christian. Well that was rather stupid. Since that did more damage to Rob than Christian, the champ bridges a ladder between the barricade and the steps. Christian is dropped ribs first onto the ladder and the spinning kick to the back makes things even worse.

There’s a ladder set up in the corner so of course Van Dam is whipped hard into it for his efforts. A catapult sends Rob face first into the ladder but he’s right back up with a delayed gorilla press onto the ladder. Rob has always been deceptively strong and the athleticism makes it even less noticeable. Christian gets knocked outside so Rob can make the first climb, only to be taken down by the reverse DDT off the ladder.

That’s not enough to get the title though as Christian is sent into the ladder in the corner, followed by a Cannonball (called Rolling Thunder, which is close enough). Rob uses the ladder for a Van Daminator but the Five Star only hits ladder. A hard running shot with the ladder puts Van Dam on the floor again but he comes back in with a top rope kick to knock it over again. The double climb leads to a slugout with both guys falling, only to have Rob catch himself on the other ladder. A Five Star from that ladder is enough for Rob to go up and get the title for the win.

Rating: B. While it’s no classic, this was the kind of match that Raw has been needing: hard hitting, a lot of fun and with a good guy winning in the end. Oh and a lack of HHH or Evolution helped too. This isn’t the kind of match that anyone is going to remember as anything great, but it was what they should have done on this show, especially as the main event instead of the big tag match.

Overall Rating: D. The main event helps this a lot but it’s very clear that we’re just waiting on HHH to heal up and come get his title back. Other than that….what is going on around here? You have the Austin vs. Bischoff feud which seems to tie into most of the stories on the show but can’t actually lead to a match because Austin can’t wrestle and Bischoff is Bischoff. Everything else seems to be just going in whatever direction with no end in sight. That’s fine if the stuff is good, but that’s not the case here. Not the worst, but they need a direction.

Remember to check out my new forum at steelcageforums.com and pick up the 2018 Updated Version of the History of the WWE Championship in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/01/26/new-book-kbs-history-of-the-wwe-championship-2018-updated-version/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: September 25, 2003
Location: Wachovia Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s time to start building to No Mercy and we have a new World Champion with Brock Lesnar having taken the title from Kurt Angle in last week’s Iron Man match. The other big story is Los Guerreros winning the Tag Team Titles to make Eddie a double champion. I’m sure there will be no animosity on Chavo’s part. Let’s get to it.

Last week was a big week and you should look at it again.

Opening sequence.

Tonight, the Cruiserweight, Tag Team and US Titles are on the line. That’s quite the show.

The World Title is on a podium in the ring and here are Vince McMahon and Sable for a presentation. Vince praises Brock for his win last week but here’s Angle to interrupt. Before Kurt can say anything, Vince knows he’s here to claim Brock cheated and to challenge him for the title tonight.

That’s not happening though, because Angle might have to wait a long time to get another chance. That means starting from the bottom so tonight he’s going to be here to present Brock with the title. Angle isn’t feeling that and says either Brock comes out here and gets a beating or Kurt can go outside and give him the beating there.

Instead here’s John Cena to accuse Angle of having female genitalia. The fight is on and Cena is thrown over the top with ease before he heads to the back. That’s enough waiting for Angle so he goes to the back and finds a door labeled Brock Lesnar. That might be a good place to start. All he finds is a gym bag but here’s Cena to jump Angle.

During the break, Cena ran to the parking lot and drove away. Angle commandeered Vince’s limo and driver for a very late pursuit.

Tag Team Titles: Los Guerreros vs. Matt Hardy/Shannon Moore

Matt, who has wrestled with strep throat and hates taking medicine, and Shannon are challenging. As someone with at least fifteen diagnosed cases of strep (to go with eight cases of bronchitis and three pneumonias, two of which were double pneumonia, I feel for him). Eddie and Matt start things off with Matt stopping for an early pose. It’s Chavo coming in off a blind tag to take Matt down as the champs start taking turns on Hardy.

Matt finally sends Chavo outside into the announcers’ table and Moore sends him into the apron for good measure. Shannon comes in and shows some nice fire with the forearms to the back. It’s not enough fire to keep Chavo in trouble for long though as he gets over for the hot tag.

Everything breaks down in a hurry with Eddie having to fight them both off, only to get caught in a neckbreaker from Matt. Chavo hits a high crossbody on Shannon to give Eddie two, only to have Shannon hit a dropkick to the back for the same. With Matt sent outside, Chavo belly to backs Shannon down so Eddie can drop the frog splash to retain.

Rating: C+. It’s always a good sign when a match makes me wonder what they could do with more time and that’s what happened here. Shannon is a pretty good high flier and he looked solid in support of Matt here. Los Guerreros are more than talented enough to make this work, especially when we get to the eventual split over Chavo being jealous.

Post match Matt jumps Eddie and gives him a Side Effect onto the belt.

During the break, Charlie Haas, who challenges Eddie tonight, ran out and attacked Chavo, followed by a Haas of Pain to Eddie. Tonight could make Eddie look like an even bigger star.

Here’s a ticked off A-Train for a chat. Now who thought this was a good idea? He’s tired of hearing that he can’t beat Chris Benoit because he can beat anyone. A-Train gives an open challenge but settles for beating up the timekeeper, even giving him a Crossface. Benoit runs out for the save and puts the Crossface on A-Train. That’s broken up with raw power though and A-Train chairs him down.

Eddie’s ribs are badly damaged but he swears he can wrestle.

Vince tells Sable how great she looks tonight and admires her figure. She takes off his jacket when a production guy comes in. Vince wanted to see him twenty minutes ago and yells as a result. Anyway, we’re doing the Brock presentation later. I’m sure nothing bad will happen.

Charlie says he’s taking the US Title tonight to make up for losing the Tag Team Titles.

We recap Tajiri’s heel turn and beatdown of Rey Mysterio to set up tonight’s title match.

Cruiserweight Title: Tajiri vs. Rey Mysterio

Mysterio is defending. Tajiri cranks on the arm to start and drops a knee for an early two. A hurricanrana into a victory roll gives Rey two and we hit a quick pinfall reversal sequence. Rey’s charge hits the corner though and we hit the Tarantula for a few seconds. Tajiri loads up the mist but misses, allowing Rey to knock him outside and follow with a good looking slingshot dive.

Back from a break with Rey getting kicked out of the air for two. Tajiri hammers away at the ribs and hooks something like an abdominal stretch. It’s off to the bodyscissors with Tajiri even throwing in a few rollups for two as a bonus. That’s so much better than what you usually get with this hold. How often do you see a hold like this go on and stop paying attention for a bit because nothing is happening? Those rollups aren’t anything great but they’re keeping it from being boring, which is more than you can expect otherwise.

Rey fights up and hits a sitout bulldog, followed by a moonsault press for two. Tajiri is right back with a Michinoku Driver but kicks the referee by mistake. The handspring elbow is blocked with a dropkick to the back and Rey scores with the 619. The West Coast Pop misses and Tajiri kicks him in the face. Cue a second ref to check on the first and count a very delayed two. Rey snaps off a standing hurricanrana but the replacement referee is still checking on the first. Tajiri goes with the red mist and steals the pin and the title.

Rating: B. This got the time that it needed to make things work, though the referee stupidly turning his head at the end didn’t work so well. Tajiri winning the title makes the most sense as it strengthens his heel turn and lets Rey do something else. It’s not like he’s going to regularly defend the title so let someone else have it and get some more momentum as a result.

Video on WWF and the Russell Simmons’ Hip Hop Action Network coming together for a voting drive.

Cole and Tazz brag about UPN’s ratings successes. But did Smackdown beat the Mullets?

Basham Brothers vs. Jamie Noble/Bradshaw

Billy Gunn is hurt so Jamie bought half of the APA for the night. It’s a brawl to start with Jamie diving onto Danny as Bradshaw beats Doug up in the corner. Danny low bridges Jamie to the floor though and Shaniqua kicks him in the head to take over. Back in and we hit the chinlock for a bit until Jamie dragon screw leg whips his way to freedom. A swinging neckbreaker is enough for the tag to Bradshaw for the quick beatdown. The Last Call sends Doug flying but Shaniqua takes Nidia’s head off with a clothesline. Jamie checks on her so Bradshaw hits the Clothesline, drawing in Shaniqua for the DQ.

Rating: D. So the point here was to push Bradshaw and Shaniqua? This would have made more sense as the APA vs. the Bashams but if that’s the case, just have the Bashams get a win. As usual, WWE feels the need to push the worst possible options out of a match and for some reason I don’t see Shaniqua panning out as the latest force in the women’s division.

Long recap of the Iron Man match.

US Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Charlie Haas

Eddie is defending and has bad ribs while an angry Big Show is on commentary. Show claims that he’s tired of being ignored so he gets up and posts Eddie before the bell. Charlie is smart enough to stomp away and hits a backdrop to stay on the ribs. A quick toss to the floor gives Eddie a breather but Charlie is back in with a double leg takedown for two. The back is bent over Charlie’s knee until Eddie grabs the face for the break.

Charlie is right back up with another posting so here’s Chavo to check on him. That earns the nephew a right hand and an ejection but the distraction allows Eddie to grab the rope at two. The Haas of Pain goes on but Eddie slips out after a good while. Haas grabs the belt, which is quickly taken away and laid in the corner. Eddie of course grabs it and wraps it around the corner as Charlie shoves the referee. That’s not a DQ so Charlie dives at the buckle and knocks himself silly, setting up the frog splash to retain.

Rating: B-. So we’re heading towards Big Show vs. Eddie? That would be a good way to make Eddie look like a giant killer, but if history has shown me anything, it’s never bet against WWE’s ability to push Big Show over the wrong talent. Eddie looked great here as he fought through the injuries and he continues to be the best thing on this show every single week.

Here are Vince and Sable to try the presentation again. Vince demands us on our feet to welcome Brock, who at least gets to come out this time. After Brock’s posing, Vince declares him the new unstoppable face of Smackdown. Brock doesn’t mind the YOU TAPPED OUT chants because he’s the new champion. As for Kurt, he had him in the palm of his hand last week and was never in danger of not getting the title back. Brock says he’s unstoppable so here’s Undertaker because who else was it going to be.

Undertaker didn’t interfere last week because he has too much respect for the title but he’ll get in Lesnar’s face now. He doesn’t forget or forgive but he does have some advice for Brock: polish that title up because his first defense is against Undertaker. Vince wants to know how that happened and here’s Stephanie, because this is still about the McMahons. Stephanie explains the match but Vince says no because her authority is going to be rescinded. If she doesn’t change her mind right now, it’s Vince vs. Stephanie in a match at No Mercy.

Stephanie is completely taken aback by this (Someone wants to hurt Stephanie? What insanity is this?) but won’t change her mind. Vince makes it an I Quit match and yells at Stephanie so Undertaker grabs his arm. That earns Undertaker a belt shot but he’s back up with a chokeslam to Lesnar to end the show. That’s a really bad double main event but they’re still way ahead of Unforgiven, which says more about that show than No Mercy.

Overall Rating: B-. The main event angle and the Basham match were the only bad things going on this week as the rest was focused around Eddie Guerrero, which is never a bad thing. There was good wrestling here though and the stories are solid enough to make the show not feel long, which is a lot more than Raw can say.

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