IMG Credit: WWE

Backlash 2004
Date: April 18, 2004
Location: Rexall Place, Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
Attendance: 13,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Remember last month at Wrestlemania XX when the main event was an instant classic? Well now we’re doing it again with Chris Benoit coming in as the World Heavyweight Champion. That’s not the worst idea in the world as the first match was so great that there’s almost no way this won’t be awesome too. Throw in Randy Orton going to the gallows to face Cactus Jack and we could be in for a very good night. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at the original triple threat, with Shawn Michaels and HHH saying it won’t happen again. Benoit disagrees, as you might have guessed. No other match is mentioned.

Ric Flair vs. Shelton Benjamin

Fallout from Benjamin beating HHH twice in a row. Flair makes the referee hold the ropes open for him, which is quite the Flair thing to do. Shelton easily takes him down to start and does it again with a fireman’s carry. That earns Shelton a shove so he slaps Flair in the face, meaning it’s time for the Flop. The Stinger Splash misses but Shelton just lands on the top rope, because of course he can.

A clothesline puts Flair on the floor as this is one sided so far. Back in and Shelton hits another clothesline but Flair goes for the knee, as you knew was coming. The leg gets wrapped around the rope and Flair stomps away, setting up a pretty early Figure Four. Shelton gets out so it’s chair time as JR wonders why Flair doesn’t just bring in a bazooka.

The chair doesn’t really matter as Shelton scores with an enziguri but can’t follow up because of the knee. The Dragon Whip keeps Flair down and Shelton whips him over the corner. Back in and Flair gets slammed off the top but finds some brass knuckles. The Stinger Splash makes him drop them right back though and the top rope clothesline gives Shelton the pin.

Rating: C. Totally fine match here with Flair making Shelton look good. This is the kind of win that Shelton needs to rack up to support the HHH wins. Flair may put a lot of people over but he’s not exactly one to lose stock or status as a result. Just keep talking about how he’s Ric Flair and let him do his signature stuff and he’ll be right back where he needed to be. Not many legends get that and few of them got it like Flair.

Randy Orton talks about how he’ll beat Cactus Jack just like every other legend. He sounds like he’s trying to convince himself. Orton is NOT scared, even after seeing everything Foley has done over the years. Tonight, Orton is going to show a new side of himself and Foley will never forget it. Foley is like an old, sad, toothless dog who needs to be put down. That’s the best promo Orton has given to date and you can see how much he’s grown out of this feud.

Tajiri vs. Jonathan Coachman

Coach actually armdrags him down to start and avoids an early spinning kick. Some more kicks hit the leg but the big one to the head misses. They head outside with Tajiri kicking the post, allowing Coach to wrap the leg around the post. There’s a shinbreaker as Coach must have been watching some Flair tapes. Tajiri escapes a second shinbreaker into a sunset flip but Coach is right back on the knee. Even the announcers are impressed by Coach, who grabs the rope like a veteran would do.

After a leglace, Coach goes up top but Tajiri kicks the rope to crotch him. Coach gets caught backwards in the Tree of Woe for some kicks to the back and a kick to the head gets two. Back up and Tajiri grabs the Tarantula, which is broken even faster than usual. Cue Garrison Cade with a right hand to drop Tajiri though and Coach rolls him up for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was surprisingly not terrible as Coach wrestled a perfectly watchable match. He’s perfectly fine for a low level heel and it’s not like Tajiri losing here hurts him very much. I can always go for something that sounded like filler turning into a match that isn’t half bad. Nice little surprise here.

Long recap of Chris Jericho vs. Christian/Trish Stratus. Jericho fell for Trish but it turned out that it was a bet between himself and Christian. Trish’s heart was broken but Christian beat Jericho up to try and give him some tough love. It turned out that Trish had gotten together with Christian and they’re out to ruin Jericho’s life.

Christian/Trish Stratus vs. Chris Jericho

Lawler drools over Trish again so JR goes on a rant, saying Lawler has no idea if she has feet because his eyes never go that low. Jericho is back to being from Winnipeg for the sake of crowd support. A slap takes Christian down to start and Trish bails straight to the floor so the chase is on. Jericho is smart enough to slow down and backdrop Christian as the fans chant a rather rude term at Trish. Well I think it’s Trish but I could be wrong.

Christian gets sent outside so Jericho hits the springboard dropkick as Trish is starting to panic. Back in and Jericho accidentally shoves Trish off the apron but the distraction lets Christian drape him over the top. Trish is able to come in for some slapping, which certainly seems to appeal to Lawler. Does that surprise anyone? One grab at Trish’s foot is enough to send her running to the corner for the tag so Christian rips as Jericho’s face. The Walls attempt is broken up but Jericho lands head first on Christian’s crotch.

The Flashback (which is almost never called such) gives Jericho two so Trish slaps Jericho again, this time allowing Christian to his a reverse DDT out of the corner. Jericho pops right back up and sends Christian outside, meaning it’s time for the expected spanking. That’s enough for Christian to come back in and deck Jericho, who clotheslines Trish before knocking Christian down as well.

The Lionsault hits knees as JR is sick of hearing about Lawler wanting to go check on Trish. A Texas Cloverleaf stays on Jericho’s ribs but he rolls out pretty quickly and slaps the Walls on the returning Trish. That’s broken up in a hurry as well, so Christian tries the Unprettier but gets catapulted into Trish in the corner. You knew that was coming. Jericho hits the enziguri for the pin.

Rating: C+. I still like this feud a lot and they had to let Jericho get a win back here to make up for Wrestlemania. Christian and Trish colliding like that was the most logical finish they could have used and Jericho gets to fight another day as you know this is continuing. Issues between the new couple would make sense here and it’s not like their relationship was the strongest in the first place.

Eugene comes in to the women’s locker room while Gail Kim is changing and asks for an autograph. Screaming ensues until William Regal makes the save, though not before taking a long look at Gail. Why exactly are they here anyway?

Women’s Title: Victoria vs. Lita

Lita is challenging after winning a joke of a battle royal. Lawler is drooling over Victoria’s gear (fair enough) and mistakes holes for polka dots. They hit the mat to start for some near falls and bridge up, though not into a backslide. A lockup sends them falling out to the floor with Victoria looking to take a bad looking bump. Back in (with Victoria limping a bit) and we hit another pinfall reversal sequence with Lawler being a big fan of the camera shots.

Victoria’s dancing moonsault gets two and cranks on Lita’s arms for a bit as JR has had it with Lawler’s comments (again). There’s a surfboard and you can see the images going through Lawler’s mind. Back up and Victoria tries the spinning side slam but Lita reverses into a nice headscissors to the crowd’s delight. Lita scores with a suplex and nips up, followed by a quick hurricanrana. A sleeper of all things puts Victoria down and you can hear the fans lose their energy.

Rating: D-. Pretty terrible match but the JR/Lawler banter was the most memorable thing here. There’s something hilarious about JR getting so annoyed and Lawler going full speed ahead with his shtick. Other than that though it was a bunch of bad spots (that moonsault was ridiculous) and a flat ending.

Post match Molly and Gail run in for the DQ, thereby validating their presence.

We recap Randy Orton vs. Cactus Jack. Last year, Orton went after Mick Foley, who wasn’t ready to face a young gun like Orton. Foley went away for a few months but came back to face him, eventually setting up a handicap match at Wrestlemania. Orton pinned Foley, but now Mick wants a one on one match under hardcore rules with Evolution banned from ringside. They actually agreed, but Foley realized that this needed something special. Like Cactus Jack, which has Orton scared. As it should.

Intercontinental Title: Randy Orton vs. Cactus Jack

Orton smashes him in the head with some trashcan shots so Jack kicks him in the face and shows him how it’s done. They get inside for the first time with Jack hitting a running knee lift and dropping a leg for two. A baseball slide sends Orton right to the floor but he gets out of the way before Jack can try the middle rope elbow. They head up the ramp with Orton belly to back suplexing him down for two. With the wrestling not working, Orton just slams him head first into the ramp to scramble some brain cells.

A ram into the steps scrambles some knee cells but Jack kicks him low to avoid the barbed wire going into his face. It’s Socko time, which really feels out of place in this match. Actually hang on as Jack does an informal poll, which tells him to use the bat. The first good shot to the head busts Orton open (there’s something so eerie about watching it stream down someone’s face) and Jack drives it into his face again. JR: “He could be on the cover of Disfigurement Weekly!” You can see the look in Jack’s eyes as he hammers Orton down in the corner and hits the running knee.

Orton whips him into the board in the corner (after a great reversal tease) and Jack’s arm is cut open. The RKO is loaded up but Orton gets thrown onto the tacks and MY GOODNESS he is covered in them. That’s the kind of visual you really don’t see in WWE and that is a great look. They fight up the ramp and Jack throws him off the stage, through some tables. Orton is still down (and remember, his back is full of tacks) so Jack dives off the stage with the big elbow for two. I bought that as the finish when I watched this live and I bought it again here.

Back in and the double arm DDT gives Jack two so he goes after the board again. That’s enough of a delay for Orton to get in some Barbie shots and Jack is bleeding from the face. One more shot knocks Jack down but he lands on Socko. The Mandible Claw goes on but Orton gets in a low blow. The RKO gets two and there’s that shocked look on Orton’s face again. Another RKO onto Barbie is enough to retain the title.

Rating: A. I’ve always loved this match and it’s one of Foley’s last great performances. The match was exactly what it was supposed to be as Orton shows that he has the guts to survive anything and was that match that ever top star has to have at some point in their career. This took Orton completely out of his comfort zone and that’s when you can see the greatness coming out. It’s the same story as the HHH match at the 2000 Royal Rumble, which is something that is always going to work. Outstanding match here with Foley playing the role to perfection and Orton getting everything he could have out of it.

Flair and Batista are immediately out to carry Orton to the back. HHH comes up to Orton in the back and says that’s what Evolution is all about. He even says he’s proud of Orton. With Orton carried away, HHH says he wouldn’t bet against himself tonight. Beating Shawn is always great but beating Chris Benoit in Canada is where the money is at.

La Resistance vs. Hurricane/Rosey

This was made on Heat and welcome to the death slot guys. There are so many empty seats opposite the hard camera that the camera is suddenly much tighter with the regular shots only popping up for a few seconds at a time. Hurricane works on Conway’s wrist to start before Rosey comes in to hiptoss his partner onto him. A powerslam gets Conway out of trouble and it’s Grenier coming in for a suplex as the announcers talk about Orton vs. Jack. Normally that gets on my nerves but what are you expecting here?

Grenier slaps on a bearhug and here’s Eugene as the already nothing match breaks down. Rosey comes in and cleans house as Eugene starts playing with the Quebec flag. The French guys get sent to the floor so Hurricane can dive onto the two of them, leaving Hurricane to get inside and run the ropes. Cue Regal for the save as a mask less Hurricane hits the Eye of the Hurricane for the pin.

Rating: D-. I don’t like to use this term but this was what it was and that’s all it was going to be. There was no chance that this match was going to be anything more than a five minute nacho break match and that’s what they did. I don’t blame them a bit for the match not being very good as it’s not like they had anything to work with here.

We recap Edge’s return, which hasn’t been the most thrilling thing in the world so far.

Edge vs. Kane

Edge’s hand is in a cast and he’s suspended if he uses it. Edge, who has been very aggressive since coming back, backs up into the corner to start before being planted with a two arm chokeslam. A middle rope clothesline gets Edge out of trouble and Kane bails to the floor before the spear can launch. For some reason Edge thinks it’s a good idea to follow him, allowing Kane to send the bad hand into the steps.

Back in and the hand work begins so the fans would rather shout about Earl Hebner screwing Bret and something that happens in the crowd. Edge scores with a spinwheel kick but charges into a big boot. The top rope clothesline misses and Edge hits the implant DDT. The threat of a spear sends the referee to the floor so Edge kicks Kane low, hits him with the cast, and nails the spear for the pin.

Rating: D. As I said in the previous match, what in the world were you expecting here? The big story of the match was Kane working on Edge’s hand and Edge not exactly looking as fired up as he’s been before. It was boring but they kept it short, which does make things a little better. Hopefully Edge can shake the rust off quickly.

We recap the main event. HHH, Chris Benoit and Shawn Michaels had a masterpiece last month at Wrestlemania so let’s do it again. I’ve heard of worse ideas and there’s almost no question that this will be awesome. Both HHH and Shawn swear that lightning won’t strike twice and Benoit is ready to prove them wrong all over again.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Benoit

Benoit is defending and gets the hero’s welcome, which is always cool to see. They stare each other down to start until Benoit chops HHH with Shawn joining in. Benoit isn’t cool with someone stealing his chop fest though and chops the skin off Shawn’s chest. Shawn grabs a swinging neckbreaker but HHH is back in with the jumping knee to the face. It’s too early for the Pedigree but HHH and Shawn get together and knock Benoit to the floor.

That means it’s time for the champ to throw some German suplexes and Shawn gets whipped out to the floor. He’s right back up on the apron to break up an early Crossface and Benoit knocks him off the apron again. HHH catches him on top and Shawn comes back in to knock Benoit outside. The facebuster drops Shawn and there’s the Swan Dive from Benoit as they’re doing a good job of keeping things moving here instead of having it be one on one for long stretches at a time.

The referee gets bumped (kind of early for that) and Benoit gets the Sharpshooter on HHH. Shawn comes diving in for the save so Benoit Crossfaces him down. That’s broken up so here’s the required Shawn Sharpshooter in Canada as Earl Hebner runs in as the replacement referee. Now that we’re past the absolutely 10000% required Montreal reference because every city in Canada is the same, it’s time for the YOU SCREWED BRET chant.

Benoit gets the Crossface on Shawn until HHH makes the save. HHH stomps Benoit down in the corner but Shawn is back up. Benoit and HHH are knocked to the floor but Shawn’s big dive sends him crashing through the announcers’ table. Back in and HHH hammers on Benoit, which at least gives us some relief from YOU SCREWED BRET. Benoit goes shoulder first into the post and we hit a camel clutch.

The fans get behind Benoit again so HHH pounds in some right hands to the head. The facebuster only sends Benoit into the rolling German suplexes to put HHH in trouble again. A quick Pedigree connects though, drawing Shawn back in for another save. Everyone is down and Shawn nipping up doesn’t exactly please the fans. The top rope elbow hits HHH and Sweet Chin Music knocks Benoit off the apron. HHH is right back up with a low blow to Shawn for a close two but gets backdropped to the floor.

We’re late in the match and HHH is on the floor so it’s sledgehammer time. A shot to Shawn’s back (just like at Summerslam) has him writhing in agony but the fans would rather look at something in the crowd. Benoit breaks up a hammer shot to Shawn’s head and, after shrugging off a whip into the steps, catapults HHH into the steps. Back in and Sweet Chin Music is countered into the Sharpshooter with Benoit pulling him away from the ropes. HHH tries to come in for the save but Shawn finally taps to retain the title.

Rating: A. They wisely tried a different approach this time around than at Wrestlemania, which makes a lot of sense as there’s no point trying to equal or top something that was perfect in the first place. Benoit has now made both of them tap in the middle of the ring to finally prove that he’s the better man. That’s about as definitive of a push as you’re going to get and the match was another classic. They went with a slower pace and less violence here as there was more of a question about who might win here. Wrestlemania was clearly Benoit’s night and it was a smart move to switch things up here. Great match, all over again.

Overall Rating: B+. It’s an eight match card and the two important matches (the only two to break twelve minutes) were excellent. That’s really all you need for an awesome show and the bad stuff, while quite bad, was also quite short. The three awful matches (Women’s Title, La Resistance vs. Hurricane/Rosey and Edge vs. Kane) didn’t add up to the length of either big match so literally, either Orton vs. Foley or the main event outweighs the three bad ones time wise. They got as close to perfection as they could have with the two big matches here and that’s exactly what they should have gone for. Check those two matches out.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: April 15, 2004
Location: Conseco Fieldhouse, Indianapolis, Indiana
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

Is it too much to ask to have more than one big story on the show? Last week saw JBL announced as the new #1 contender in a story that dominated the last two weeks. The second biggest story has been Booker T. vs. Rob Van Dam, which feels a long way down the ladder. That’s the main event tonight though so maybe it’s going to get a little better. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a long recap of last week’s big angle, partially set to Steve Blackman’s music for some reason.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Eddie Guerrero to open things up. He’s received about 27 phone calls this week from Kurt Angle (complete with an imitation, with Angle insisting that he DOES NOT suck), demanding an apology. JBL isn’t a great American because of his riches. See, JBL has been trying to pull one over on the fans by saying he’s from New York in his business suits. Eddie looks at him and sees a great American sellout.

JBL’s money doesn’t make him better or smarter than anyone else….and here’s an approved message from JBL on the screen. It’s a campaign style ad focusing on Eddie’s lying, cheating and stealing, which has a small vocal minority. Real Americans need to silence that voice and support a good man like JBL. Eddie says he’s tired of dealing with this same stuff since he became champion and he’s sick of it. Yeah he does all those things but he worked hard to get here. It took him seventeen years to get his first title shot and it wasn’t handed to him in a bogus award ceremony. Now JBL is #1 contender so let’s do it tonight.

Instead here’s Kurt Angle, who doesn’t appreciate any of this. Angle doesn’t appreciate him (how rude) so Eddie can have his title match tonight. Now it’s JBL in the limo to interrupt. He’d love to face Eddie tonight but after a week of shaking hands and kissing babies (and some baby mamas), he’s a little tired so the match can’t take place tonight. Angel agrees and lets JBL have his title match at Judgment Day. Tonight, it’s Eddie vs. Big Show. Eddie is stunned, as am I over this somehow taking nearly eighteen minutes.

Post break Show comes in to see Angle and JBL. He wants to know if he has a WWE Championship match tonight, but that’s a big negative. Show yells at both of them and isn’t happy with being their enforcer. If he can’t beat Eddie tonight, he quits.

John Cena vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

Non-title and there are a lot of Cena signs in the crowd. We have two champions in the ring so the opening commentary is all about Big Show vs. Eddie Guerrero. Cena doesn’t respond well to being slapped in the face and slaps Chavo even harder as the announcers actually notice a match going on.

A headlock and a clothesline keep Chavo in trouble and it’s off to the second headlock on the mat. Chavo sends him outside and Chavo Sr. gets in a cowboy boot to the back of the head. Back in and we hit a camel clutch (continuing the family tradition) for all of five seconds before Cena powers out. A dropkick gives Chavo two but Cena is right back with the running shoulder. The Throwback, followed by taking Sr. out, sets up the FU for the pin.

Rating: D+. You would kind of expect something a little better from two champions, but I can’t say I’m surprised that the Cruiserweight Champion was beaten clean in such short order. I could have gone for a botched interference from Sr. or something but it’s not like the Cruiserweight Champion is on the US Champion’s level in the first place.

Video on Booker’s initial complaints about being on Smackdown. It looks like we’ll be going over the whole history to set up the main event. All two weeks of it.

Rene Dupree is having a new romantic dinner with Fifi (a different dog this week) and announces his new interview segment starting next week: Cafe de Rene.

Charlie Haas is warming up when Jamie Noble comes in. Jamie tells him to not worry about amateur wrestling when he faces Rico. It might as well be an intergender match. Charlie isn’t worried so Jamie talks about all the things Rico might do. The final advice: don’t let Rico get you from behind. Nunzio comes in and wishes Haas good luck too.

Rico vs. Charlie Haas

Jobber entrance for Charlie. Rico and Jackie Gayda pose on a mini stage on the way to the ring. We start with some prancing and Charlie is disgusted by an early lockup. Charlie takes him down and shouts about Rico being sick so Rico reverses and starts groping. Rico gets behind him and Charlie bails to the ropes as this is firmly in bad comedy territory.

A sunset flip lets Rico pull the trunks down, meaning more humor. Charlie forearms him in the face and chokes away as the announcers find this hilarious. Rico slips out of a suplex and kisses Haas, who bails to the floor. That’s enough to send Haas bailing to the floor for some water, but Rico pulls up his thong to scare Haas off for the countout.

Rating: F. Hey, did you know that wrestlers who may be gay are “sick” and apparently disgusting? They also seem to be completely incapable of not molesting their opponents, which seems to be the case with every WWE wrestler using the same gimmick. This is always so dumb and I have a feeling it’s only going to get worse.

Post match Haas vomits. Fair enough.

JBL promises Show a pizza if he wins but Show says he’s doing this for himself.

A man in a white beard is surrounded by candles and reads a bunch of Bible verses. His name is Mordecai and he’s here to be the right hand of the destroyer. Oh dear indeed. Cool vignette though.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Big Show

Non-title with Show’s career on the line. Show wastes no time in hammering away and a headbutt puts Eddie down. Some tosses send Eddie from corner to corner and there’s a choke for good measure. Eddie gets smart by stomping on the foot but another headbutt keeps him in trouble. Show makes it even worse with the loud chops but a low bridge takes him to the floor.

Eddie dropkicks him down again and we take a break. Back with Show choking on the mat before starting in on the arm. He even gets smart by wrapping Eddie’s arm around the rope. That doesn’t suit Show very well so let’s try a bearhug instead, followed by a big boot. It’s right back to the arm, which really doesn’t seem right coming from Show. Eddie’s comeback is cut off by a clothesline and Show walks around the ring a bit. Now that suits him very well.

Eddie gets knocked outside and finds a wrench under the ring, which he loads into the back of Show’s boot. The referee catches Show pulling it out and the distraction lets Eddie hammer away. Is there a reason why he didn’t distract the referee and hit Show with the wrench? A middle rope tornado DDT puts Show down but the kickout sends Eddie into the referee. With no one looking, Eddie gets in a low blow and another DDT, setting up the frog splash for the pin.

Rating: D. Well this didn’t need to be fifteen minutes long to put it mildly. To be fair though, Show was in need of knee surgery (hence him leaving) so he probably wasn’t moving nearly as well as he would have otherwise. Eddie won just as he should have and he did what he could, but there’s a limit to what a hampered Show can pull off.

Post match Eddie leads the fans in an extended Goodbye Song, which seems to hurt Show’s feelings.

Clip of Van Dam winning his first match on Smackdown and Booker being miserable.

Show is leaving and runs into Torrie laughing with the makeup lady. That must be about him so Show gets in her face and leaves. Torrie is terrified and leaves because she doesn’t have a match tonight.

Teddy Long introduces Mark Jindrak, who has the perfect body and the looks of Adonis. Mark looks at himself in a mirror and Teddy calls him the Reflection of Perfection over and over.

Mark Jindrak vs. Spike Dudley

Jindrak throws him into the corner to start and starts talking trash, followed by a pretty impressive dropkick to knock Spike off the top. A delayed one arm vertical suplex keeps Spike down and the belly to back suplex into a side slam finishes him in a hurry. Total squash.

Video of Booker walking out on Van Dam tonight. Do they really need to stretch out a show this much?

Raw ReBound looks at just about everything on the show.

Torrie goes to leave but Show comes up (from the direction that Torrie was looking, though she’s still surprised) and yells at her for laughing. He kicks in the windows of her car as Torrie begs him to calm down. Show breaks more windows and then turns the car over. Torrie runs away screaming and Show very slowly walks after her. Somehow this took nearly five minutes.

In case we didn’t spend enough time on it already, here are two replays of the car being flipped.

Booker T. vs. Rob Van Dam

It’s the rare serious Van Dam this week. Rob stomps him down in the corner to start and gets two off a standing moonsault. They head outside with Booker in even more trouble, this time off some kicks to the ribs. The spinning kick to the back knocks Booker off the barricade and we take a break.

Back with Booker hot shotting him for what sounds like his first real offense. Booker hits a neckbreaker and Tazz thinks he’s going after the neck. Even Cole mocks him for making such an obvious observation and Booker drops a knee for two. We hit the chinlock for a few seconds before Van Dam is back up, only to be kicked right back down.

The Book End is blocked and Van Dam hits his step over spinning kick to the face. Rob’s springboard kick to the face gets two and the split legged moonsault gets the same. Booker rolls away from the Five Star though and Booker superkicks him into the ropes with Rob’s arms getting tied up. A bunch of right hands actually get Booker disqualified at the five count. You don’t see that every day.

Rating: C-. It was far from great or even very good but at this point I’ll take anything I can get. The feud isn’t quite as big of a deal as WWE seems to think it is, though there’s a story to it that doesn’t revolve around the idea of Rico kissing someone or a cowboy hat, which puts it ahead of a lot of the stuff on this show.

Post match Booker beats on him a little more and does a Spinarooni.

Show has somehow caught Torrie (who was running while he slowly walked) and has her above a conveniently placed ledge. He threatens to throw her off the ledge until Angle shows up. Angle says he’s the one who gets in trouble if something happens to Torrie and violence is threatened. Torrie is allowed to leave so Angle goes after Show, who chokeslams him off the ledge, setting up a loud THUD. We look down and Kurt is unconscious with blood flowing from the back of his head and his leg bent at a rather nasty angle. So that’s it for Show and Angle seems to be close to dead. I guess that’s at least half of a happy ending?

Overall Rating: D-. Another horrible show, this time with the completely stupid Rico match, Torrie running away like the girl in a slasher movie and Angle being nearly murdered. Eddie and Big Show had a horrible match and now we’re gearing up for JBL vs. Eddie in over a month. If Van Dam vs. Booker is as good of a secondary story as they have, it’s going to be a very, very long year.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: April 12, 2004
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for Backlash and we’ve actually got a big time main event this week. Last time, we had a huge closing angle to set up an eight man tag main event with Evolution facing off with Mick Foley/Shelton Benjamin/Shawn Michaels/Chris Benoit. The question now is can they live up to the hype. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of the eight man tag being set up, starting with HHH being counted out against Shelton.

A bandaged Shelton yells at Eric Bischoff (with Johnny Nitro in the background, somehow still with Barbie) for letting everything happen last week. Threats are made but Shelton’s partners come in to get him out before it gets bad. Foley takes Barbie back and violence is promised later.

Here’s Foley for the opening chat. Foley tells us to be very very quiet because he’s hunting Randys. Barbie is back where she belongs but tonight, he has to hand her over to someone, just not a nimrod like Johnny Nitro. Tonight he’s going to have to follow a few rules that won’t let him do what he wants to Orton. This is going to be his first match on Raw in four years and with his incredible partners behind him, he’s going to do some Mick Foley romping and stomping.

This is one of the reasons Foley is my favorite wrestler of all time. Instead of playing multiple characters and rarely acknowledging the previous versions. Foley however is the real person who can turn into whatever he needed at the time. It’s such a different way of doing different characters and rather fascinating.

Kane vs. Grandmaster Sexay

Well there’s a surprise return. This would be Sexay’s first match on Raw since May 2001. Kane looks disgusted by his mere presence and shrugs off the early right hands. A missed elbow lets Sexay get two and an enziguri staggers Kane again. The big boot (which didn’t connect) puts Sexay down and it’s the side slam into the chokeslam for the pin. Not as much of a squash as you would have expected.

Trish Stratus is annoyed at having to face Chris Jericho on Sunday. Eugene comes up and recognizes the makeup lady but calls Trish s***. William Regal comes in for the save and Christian calms her down. He’ll do the work on Sunday and Trish can get the pin.

Tajiri vs. Five Star Ninja

Feeling out process to start with Tajiri getting the better of a wristlock battle. The Ninja strikes away but gets kicked in the arms, followed by the handspring elbow. Tajiri goes for the mask but gets kicked in the back of the head. King: “Don’t tug on Superman’s cape and don’t ever try to unmask a ninja.” The referee gets poked in the eye and doesn’t see Coach break up the Tarantula with a cheap shot. That’s only good for two as JR makes fun of Coach’s screaming. Tajiri kicks him twice in a row for the fast pin.

Rating: D. I’m fine with them setting up something like this as it’s an actual story with a reason for the two to be fighting and a way to get to the match. That’s more than you get with a lot of the things around here so somehow, this is better than a lot of the current stories. Not bad, especially considering how low level this is.

Of course it’s Snow.

Ric Flair yells at Bischoff about Shelton and gets a match with him at Backlash. He opens the door and is immediately punched out by Shelton, who seems to become the only wrestler in history to actually watch the show live on a monitor. A beatdown ensues and Flair is left laying.

HHH talks about how the main event of Wrestlemania was great but now they all have something to prove. Benoit needs to prove that it wasn’t a fluke. Shawn needs to prove that he’s still the Showstopper. HHH will prove that he’s still the best in the world.

It’s time for the Highlight Reel with JR mentioning that this is the arena where Jericho debuted. Jericho can’t wait for Backlash because he’ll finally be getting the match he’s wanted since Wrestlemania. What a long wait it must have been. He rips on Trish some more, saying it’s Y2J vs. CLB vs. FDDBBTH and once he gets the W, their careers will DOA and they’ll be MIA, just like DDP, forced to sell DVDs of the OC from HBO on AOL and QVC at the DMV and all the while, Trish will wish she had a little Vitamin C baby.

Jericho knows Trish likes it rough, so he starts barking. That brings up the clip of Trish barking for Vince three years ago, complete with some added sound effects. You can imagine the name that Jericho calls her as a result and brings up last week’s loss in the battle royal. That brings him to Lita, his guest for the week. Lita comes out but Trish jumps her, drawing out Bischoff to make a match.

Lita vs. Trish Stratus

Joined in progress with Trish hammering away and Jericho still at ringside. That means Christian comes out to even things up as Trish gets two off a bicycle kick. The chinlock keeps Lita down for a long time until Lita fights up with a knee in the corner. Stratusfaction is countered into a belly to back suplex and some HORRIBLE right hands keep Trish in trouble. A Russian legsweep gets two and Trish misses a charge to send her outside. Lita suicide dives onto her but Christian whips her into the barricade for the DQ.

Rating: D. Just a mess of a match and Lita’s comeback wasn’t exactly strong. I know these two are considered the greatest women ever until the Women’s Revolution but they really leave a lot to be desired more often than not. To be fair though, compared to some of the other women of their era, they were leaps and bounds ahead and I get why they’re beloved.

Post match Jericho beats the heck out of Christian but takes too long going for the Walls on Trish, allowing Christian to beat him down. Trish slaps Jericho in the face, allowing Christian to hit back to back Unprettiers. The Chick Kick wraps it up.

La Resistance wants to show the United States the error of their ways and they’ve moved to Quebec to be closer to their mission. As Conway goes on a rant against America, Eugene comes in behind them and plays with the Quebec flag. Regal makes the save.

Here’s Johnny Nitro for a chat. Nitro isn’t happy with what Edge did last week and would like Edge out here right now. Cue Edge, with his hand still in a cast. Nitro gets to the point: if Edge uses the cast against Kane, he’s suspended. Edge doesn’t care and spears Nitro down.

Sylvan Grenier vs. Hurricane

Feeling out process to start with Hurricane scaring him down off the superhero pose. A cheap shot in the corner doesn’t work for Grenier but he drops Hurricane ribs first across the top rope. Grenier knees him in the ribs a few times and sends Hurricane into the corner to stay on the ribs. We hit the abdominal stretch as Lawler thinks JR should steal Hurricane’s mask and be the Lone Ranger. A gutbuster gets two….and here’s Eugene with a stuffed bunny for Conway. That’s a no so he tries Grenier instead, with the bunny being ripped in half. The distraction sets up the Eye of the Hurricane to end Grenier.

Rating: D-. While Trish vs. Lita wasn’t very good, this was just really dull and there’s no other way to put it. La Resistance as the evil French (Canadian) guys isn’t interesting and putting them with Eugene isn’t going to make that any better. It’s a case of characters not working and WWE chugging away with them anyway because they don’t know when to give up, which is never a good idea.

Shawn Michaels has been asked how he’s going to top the Wrestlemania triple threat. It’s easy: He’s Shawn Michaels and that’s what he does. Three men are going to try to top what they did, but only one is walking out World Heavyweight Champion. “Why? Because I’m Shawn Michaels.” is the most Shawn answer ever and also rather accurate.

Smackdown Rebound, looking at JBL becoming #1 contender because there’s nothing else going on around there.

Video on Mick Foley’s history of violence, including clips of the Japanese death matches. This is just a way to catch the newer fans up and that’s fine.

Orton is very scared as he realizes what he’s gotten himself into.

Backlash rundown.

Chris Benoit talks about Wrestlemania being the biggest night of his life. It wasn’t about luck because it was all the hard work paying off. He’s going to do it again at Backlash and luck will have nothing to do with it. These short promos have all been very good.

Evolution vs. Shawn Michaels/Chris Benoit/Shelton Benjamin/Mick Foley

Shawn and Flair get things started in a good idea, though there aren’t many bad combinations to be found here. Flair gets sent into the corner and Shawn gives us a strut and WOO. A slap to the face sets up the Flair Flop, which still gets a reaction because it’s a funny spot. Some chops set up the backdrop and it’s off to Foley for the running knee lift. A right hand knocks Flair into the falling tag to HHH….which doesn’t count for whatever reason. The announcers sound confused as well and I can’t blame them.

Anyway, Benoit comes in to fire off some chops to Flair, who crawls over to tag HHH. This one counts, despite the referee’s back being to them this time. I know he’s been around forever but come on Chioda. Benoit throws HHH from corner to corner, including a trip to the good corner for some shots to the head. The jumping knee gets HHH out of trouble but it’s way too early for the Pedigree. It’s not too early for the Sharpshooter though and everything breaks down (BIG pop for that). Evolution is cleared out and Shawn dives onto everyone but Orton.

Back from a break with Benoit in trouble and HHH coming in sans tag (it doesn’t really matter) to choke away. Some chops to Flair allow the first hot tag to Foley for a right hand to knock Orton off the apron. The running knee in the corner rocks Flair and Shelton springboards in with a clothesline. A low bridge sends Benjamin to the floor though and HHH whips him into the corner for bad measure.

Back in and Shelton fights out of the corner until a spinebuster plants him all over again. The abdominal stretch goes on (with Orton pulling from the apron) for a bit until Foley comes in for a save. That’s not enough for the save though as Flair hammers away to keep Benjamin in trouble. We haven’t seen much from Batista so he gets to stomp on Benjamin’s ribs until a Dragon Whip finally allows the hot tag to Michaels. Shawn cleans house and hits the flying forearm on Orton, only to nip up into Batista’s big clothesline.

Everything breaks down and Shawn drops the top rope elbow on Orton. Sweet Chin Music hits Flair but Shawn walks into an RKO. It takes a long time to cover though, allowing Benoit to make the save with a Swan Dive. Foley backdrops HHH to the floor to break up a Pedigree and grabs the Mandible Claw on Orton. Batista makes the save but Shawn hits Sweet Chin Music on Orton for the pin.

Rating: B+. Who knew that putting eight highly talented wrestlers, including some of the best ever, in a long match with some very good young guys and letting them all do something would result in an awesome match? The crowd ate this up and the fact that they had so many Backlash matches in one showcase was all the better. This was a blast and flew by with a great ending to make it even better. Check this out if you get the chance.

Benoit and Shawn stare each other down as HHH pulls himself up between them to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. As usual, this did what matters most for a go home show by making me want to see the pay per view. They built things up, even if the stories aren’t that great in the first place (Coach vs. Tajiri). The big matches look awesome though and the show has the potential to be outstanding, with this being the last big push that it might have needed. The main event is the only thing worth seeing, but the show did its job.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: April 8, 2004
Location: SBC Center, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 5,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

Just realizing that this is going to be heavy on the JBL makes me feel deflated. Eddie Guerrero is trying but they’re fighting over a hat and JBL’s stock portfolio. Who in the world is this supposed to appeal to? Those hardcore capitalist wrestling fans? Or the people who are cowboy hat enthusiasts? It’s certainly not likely to appeal to the more hardcore fans. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of the Great American Award and JBL being added to the mix because reasons. Eddie ruining JBL’s hat is thrown in as a bonus.

Opening sequence.

Here’s JBL to open things up, complete with Cole ripping on the horned limo which sounds like something that’s going to become a trend. JBL talks about being glad he left this state to go to New York City. Tonight he’s going to win the Great American Award and represent the country as only he can. He talks about the hat desecration and even though the money doesn’t bother him, it’s all about the principle.

JBL pulls out his money clip and offers $1000 to anyone who can do something. The fans are excited so we get a quick jab at welfare (“Now you’re cheering me because I’m giving out money.”) as a fan gets chosen. It’s a guy in a Latino Heat shirt coming across the barricade, which JBL equates to him crossing a river. His name is Enrique (“Piece of advice: go by the name Ricky.”) and if he can wax the hood of the limo in less than one minute, he’ll get $1000. With thirteen seconds left, JBL pours most of the bottle of wax out and that’s too much. No money, as people like Enrique can’t depend on the rich for a handout.

Well he’s no Ted DiBiase. I know DiBiase did the same kind of thing back in the day, but it’s not quite the same thing. First of all, a character like that fit in well in the 1980s, especially one as over the top with it like DiBiase. You could buy him as this rich guy who flaunted his money, especially with the over the top laugh. DiBiase was the kind of character that felt like he belonged in a bad movie, which fit in with the late 1980s WWF. JBL actually is a financial analyst and has all this money, which makes it feel too real. When you take away the over the top nature, the entertaining part of the character goes away.

The bigger thing though is the same problem it’s always been: it’s Bradshaw. We’ve seen the guy for over eight years now and he’s never been more than a brawler in a tag team. Who is going to buy him as suddenly being a World Champion caliber wrestler? It’s one of the reasons people compare him to Jinder Mahal: you can’t go from being a low level guy to the top of the promotion overnight. It’s too much of a jump and the fans aren’t going to buy it.

We go over the nominees.

Dudley Boyz vs. Scotty 2 Hotty/Rikishi

Non-title. D-Von and Rikishi open things up and we get a clean break in the corner. Some right hands from D-Von (he’s pretty good at those) don’t have much effect so it’s off to Scotty to pick up the pace. Bubba comes in to elbow him in the back and then hit him between the eyes with a right hand. Scotty gets in a shot of his own though and the hot tag brings in Rikishi. D-Von is sent outside and Rikishi flattens Bubba in the corner. A blind tag brings Scotty back in and Rikishi clotheslines both Dudleys. Everything breaks down and Rikishi gets posted, allowing D-Von to break up the Worm. The 3D finishes Scotty.

Rating: D. The ending picked things up a bit but the Tag Team Champions shouldn’t be losing clean in less than five minutes. They’re not a great team in the first place but protect the titles at least a little bit. Or just give them to the Dudleys already, who may be stale but they’ve got way more credibility than what we’re getting at the moment.

Charlie Haas tells Angle that he can be better than Shelton Benjamin on Raw, but then freaks out at the notion that he might not be able to do it. Big Show, Haas’ partner tonight, comes in and says the award is his.

Rico and Miss Jackie are here next week.

Cruiserweight Title: Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Jamie Noble

Chavo is defending and has his dad with him but Noble counters with….regular tights instead of the cutoff jeans. A flying mare takes Noble down but he’s right back up with a backdrop to the floor. That means a suicide dive to drop the champ, only to have Chavo Sr. offer a distraction so the son can take over again. A Vertebreaker is broken up and Noble grabs a neckbreaker. Noble gets two off a middle rope legdrop but Chavo rolls him up and grabs the rope to retain.

Rating: C-. The time hurt it (again) but this was a good example of two talented guys getting to show off. Chavo grabbing the ropes is a perfectly fine way to get him out of the match and make him look like a heel so what else can you ask them to do? Well giving Chavo some more credible challengers might help. Still though, not a bad match while it lasted.

Theodore Long offers his services to Orlando Jordan and Shannon Moore. Not so much to Spike Dudley, so Spike wants to fight Long tonight. That’s a no, even if Long is taller than him. Long actually agrees to “play whitey’s game” and the match is on.

Rob Van Dam offers to reform the team with Booker T. but Booker isn’t up for it. They treat people different around here and Booker will cheat however he has to. Rob has his back around here if Booker needs it. That’s enough for Booker actually and they’ll go after the Tag Team Titles.

John Cena vs. Danny Basham

Non-title and a jobber entrance for Basham. Before the match, Cena plays to the crowd a bit and they seem VERY happy to see him. Cena is ready to win tonight and had fun messing with Rene Dupree’s dog last week. After making a George Gervin reference (look him up), we’re ready to go. Feeling out process to start until Cena hits him in the face for two. A poke to the eye allows some Twin Magic but Cena shrugs it off. Basham’s sunset flip is blocked and it’s the Throwback, the Shuffle and the FU for the easy pin. Pretty much a squash as Cena has figured out the formula.

Booker T./Rob Van Dam vs. Charlie Haas/Big Show

Rob and Charlie start things off as the mini feud continues. Charlie gets the better of it to start but makes the mistake of going after Booker, allowing Rob to kick him down. A clothesline drops Van Dam and it’s off to Show for the big beating in the corner, including the loud chop. Van Dam gets away from Charlie and goes over for a tag but Booker is on the floor yelling at Big Show. That means it’s a gorilla press to Van Dam and it’s back to Haas, who gets kicked down.

Rob goes for the tag but that’s not cool with Booker, who walks away. Booker says he didn’t want to do this and Haas puts on a bearhug. Some more kicks get Rob out of trouble and a monkey flip sends Charlie down. Van Dam makes the mistake of kicking Show down though, meaning the Five Star to Haas doesn’t even get a count as Show comes in with the chokeslam. Haas gets the easy pin.

Rating: D+. That was all about the angle instead of the match so there was only so much they could do. The Booker heel turn is fine and should set up a match with Van Dam at Judgment Day, which isn’t the most thrilling thing in the world but Booker doesn’t have an expensive hat. I’ll give them points for pushing Haas as a midcard act though, as it’s not the worst idea in the world.

Post break Van Dam glares at Angle and gets Booker next week as a result. So much for the pay per view match (more than likely).

Orlando Jordan vs. Rene Dupree

Dupree gets aggressive to start and pounds Jordan out to the floor. More forearms follow but Jordan gets two off a rollup. A spinebuster sets up the French Tickler (with Tazz singing) and the Michinoku Driver finishes Jordan in very short order.

Theodore Long is warming up and is actually in great shape.

Angle wants Eddie Guerrero in his office immediately.

John Cena has run away with the Great American votes, with over 280,000 out of 420,000 cast. Booker was in second with less than 70,000.

Raw Rebound.

Eddie come in to see Angle and talks about how cool the trophy is. The trophy is taken to the ring and Angle gets serious. Eddie isn’t going to be in front of the people tonight so he has the night off.

Theodore R. Long vs. Spike Dudley

Actually hang on as Long thinks Spike needs a warmup.

Johnny The Bull vs. Spike Dudley

Johnny wastes no time in picking Spike up for one heck of a launch into the air for an even bigger crash. The bearhug goes on but Spike slips out and avoids a charge in the corner. The Dudley Dog finishes Johnny in a hurry.

Post match Teddy gets in the ring but here’s Mark Jindrak to beat Spike down as Teddy’s new client.

Here’s Angle for the Great American Award presentation. The nominees (Cena, Haas, Booker, Big Show and JBL) are all brought out and we take a break. Back with Angle trying to talk over the CENA chants. We see the votes and Angle is ready to announce Cena as the winner but JBL says hang on a second. He’s the most American of all of us and he has proof.

We go to a video of….oh dear….JBL at the Mexican border, where he goes on a whispered rant about how these people come to our country and steal everything we have. People who made their own money like JBL aren’t supposed to pay for all these illegal immigrants. JBL sees someone sneaking across the border (his words) and chases them down, going into a loud rant about how they need to go back to Mexico because he’ll be waiting on this side. I’m not going near that one so let’s go back to the arena as fast as possible.

That’s enough for Angle, who wins the trophy and the title shot. The trophy is unveiled….and it’s been replaced by a picture of Eddie. Cue Eddie, with the trophy attached to the hood of the low rider. Eddie says he found it in the parking lot and brings it inside to JBL. Before he hands it over though, Eddie leans on the eagle’s wing and breaks it off. A trophy shot to the ribs has JBL bailing and Angle follows. Despite Angle’s threats, Eddie smashes the trophy with a chair to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. The biggest problem here is there’s only one story that really matters. Other than JBL and the World Title, the biggest story here seems to be Booker turning heel. Aside from that, what in the world is there to talk about? The Dudleys wanting the Tag Team Titles? Mark Jindrak joining Theodore Long? I need a lot more support for the rather dull main event stuff and that’s just not happening right now. A good match might help too.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/09/07/new-book-kbs-complete-smackdown-2003-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: April 5, 2004
Location: Toyota Center, Houston, Texas
Attendance: 12,000
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

We’re less than two weeks away from Backlash and things are already starting to come together. It’s a rare case of the Raw crew being miles ahead of their Smackdown brethren as the combined forces of Chris Benoit, Shawn Michaels, Mick Foley and Shelton Benjamin fight Evolution. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Shelton beating HHH. Still a very nice surprise.

Opening sequence.

Here’s HHH (with his music only starting halfway down the ramp) to open things up. He’s not happy with some young punk coming over from Smackdown and thinking he can get in the ring with the greatest wrestler alive today. Then the guy (HHH won’t say his name) actually WINS and gets his hand raised. It was just a fluke though and it’s not happening again in a million years.

Just like Chris Benoit beating HHH again in a rematch of the greatest main event in Wrestlemania history. See, this time Benoit is in the same place that HHH was in before: he doesn’t even have to get beaten to lose the title. The odds are stacked so high against Benoit in the first place but when you consider that both triple threat matches include HHH, it’s just impossible.

Cue Shelton Benjamin to brag about winning, much to HHH’s annoyance. Shelton actually challenges him to a rematch tonight but HHH doesn’t sound impressed. He turns the rematch down but it’s him doing a favor for Shelton. No one beats HHH. Shelton: “Correction: I did.” That’s enough for HHH to accept the rematch for tonight. HHH: “It’s going to be the greatest wrestler in the world vs…..what the h*** ever your name is.” Shelton laughs it off because after tonight, HHH can call him Mr. Benjamin. Longer than necessary (as always with HHH) but the no name thing was great and Shelton sounded good.

Video on the recent trip to Mexico.

Chris Benoit vs. Rob Conway

Non-title. Hang on though as Johnny Nitro (now coming out to the old Nitro theme song for a little flashback) is guest referee again, despite his arm being in a sling. Benoit goes straight to the chops but stops to yell at Nitro. Sylvan Grenier grabs the champ’s foot and Conway rakes the eyes. A snap suplex gets two and it’s off to a neck crank.

Benoit powers out and throws more chops, followed by a backbreaker for two. A snap suplex to Conway takes out Nitro so La Resistance comes in for what would eventually become known as the Magic Killer, which gets two from a replacement referee (who apparently saw the bump but not the interference). The Crossface makes Conway tap.

Rating: C-. Conway’s time on offense wasn’t the best but Benoit didn’t have much trouble and beat up a team who wasn’t exactly intimidating in the first place. Nitro makes for a nice little pest and hopefully they leave it at that instead of going with Benoit vs. Bischoff in the same old story.

The returning William Regal comes in to see Bischoff but Eric isn’t sure he can have a job. After a discussion of Regal joining Vince’s club, Bischoff says he’s brought Regal here to manage a special talent. He’s in his 20s, 6’1 and 240lbs and a very “special” talent. His name is Eugene Dinsmore, and Regal thankfully agrees.

Chris Jericho vs. Matt Hardy

Matt has broken his nose three times and never over-orders in restaurants. Trish Stratus and Christian bring a chair to the stage and watch the match, allowing Matt to get in a cheap shot from behind to start. An elbow to the back sets up Matt pulling on both of Jericho’s arms but Jericho scores with the running bulldog. The Lionsault misses and the Walls are broken up so Jericho hits the running enziguri instead. Now the Walls are enough to make Matt tap.

Rating: D+. Just a quick match here but it gives Jericho a win for the sake of some momentum, which he really needs after everything that’s happened to him in recent weeks. Matt’s losing streak continues because that’s his lot in life for some reason. The match didn’t have time to go anywhere, but this wasn’t really supposed to be competitive.

Christian kisses Trish to mess with Jericho some more.

Mick Foley is sitting in a rocking chair with a box over his lap and a flower in his hand. As he smells the flower, he talks about never forgetting your first time. During his career, he would pick up a few during the week, use them for a few days, and hand them off to a lucky fan. He means the flannel shirts of course, and he got his first one in 1977. The other day he found the original one, and that brought him back to the hardcore state of mind.

Hardcore isn’t about chairs or trashcans, but about being willing to put himself through unimaginable pain for the sake of the fans. When he went to Japan and took part in some barbaric matches, he did what he had to do for the sake of paying the bills. Foley has sworn that he would never do that again or even watch the matches, but now he’s seen them all fresh. He did some inhumane things but they didn’t catch his eyes.

No it was his eyes that caught his eye because deep down, maybe there was a little part of him that didn’t mind hurting people like that. Maybe deep down he loves it. Foley did those things to people he didn’t hate so what is he going to do to someone like Orton, who has done so many things to him?

Everyone promises to hurt someone, but that’s not what Foley is going to do to Orton. He’s going to use one of his old friends named Barbie (which he takes out of the box) and use it to cave Orton’s skull in, drawing the kind of blood usually reserved for special effects in Mel Gibson Biblical epics. Foley uses Barbie to break the set and promises to love it. This was the Foley that we’ve been needing to see and you believe every word he said.

Orton watches this and is as scared as he should be. Flair’s pep talk doesn’t work this time, nor does HHH talking about beating Shelton.

Shelton Benjamin vs. HHH

Before the match, Flair is in the ring and demands his own introduction. According to Bischoff, anyone out here must be on official business. Therefore, Flair is your announcer, Batista is timekeeper, and Orton is the official trainer (complete with stool and spit bucket). JR: “This is starting to reek like nine week old cheese.” HHH is all annoyed and punches him into the corner to start.

A crossbody gives Shelton two so JR lists off all of his college accolades. HHH cuts him off with a spinebuster and throws Shelton outside for a drop onto the barricade from Batista. Back in and Shelton scores with some right hands until a facebuster cuts him off again. HHH shouts a lot but charges into a raised boot as Lawler is starting to get a little nervous. The Stinger Splash (which finished HHH last week) sends HHH outside with Shelton catapulting HHH into the post for the countout win.

Rating: D. The wrestling was nothing but that’s not the point here. Shelton gets another win over HHH and even defeats the forces of Evolution to pull it off. He already has the pinfall win so while the countout wasn’t as impressive, it’s a huge relief to have HHH lose again instead of getting his win back. I’m not sure how smart it is to do this before he’s main eventing a pay per view, but this could be more important in the long term.

Post match the Evolution beatdown is on with Shelton being busted open. Benoit, Michaels and Foley (with Barbie) make the save.

After a break, Bischoff storms the commentary booth and says Shelton is going to the hospital. Benoit, Michaels and Foley are getting yelled at later.

Battle Royal

Lita, Jazz, Nidia, Molly Holly, Stacy Keibler, Gail Kim, Trish Stratus

That goes nowhere so here’s Jericho to cheer for Lita. You know, the other person involved in his bet with Christian. Trish hangs on as Lawler is worried about her damaged pectoral muscles. Jericho trips Trish though and Lita dropkicks her out (through the bottom two ropes) for the title shot.

Rating: F. Sweet goodness what’s the point? No really, I’d love an explanation of why this was a seven woman battle royal when about three seconds of the four and a half minutes that we saw had more than two people involved. Just do a triple threat match or something but don’t do this, which was one of the dumbest things I’ve ever seen them air match wise.

Smackdown rebound, looking at the Great American Award Nominee matches.

Regal finds Eugene and let’s just get this over with. Eugene is of course mentally handicapped (you know the word they’re likely going to skirt around) and can barely say anything besides his own name. He does have a nametag saying “Hello, my name is Eugene.” Regal gets a hug and Eugene says “manager”. Regal calls Bischoff a dirty rotten swine.

Coach comes out to commentary to show Tajiri misting him last week.

Christian tells Trish that the match against Jericho at Backlash is actually a handicap match. Trish is NOT happy.

Christian vs. Tajiri

Coach is on commentary. Christian shrugs off some early kicks and it’s already time for Coach to come to the ring. Back up and Tajiri hits the handspring elbow, followed by the Tarantula. The Unprettier is broken up with another kick but Coach breaks up the Buzzsaw kick with a trip. Now the Unprettier connects to give Christian the fast pin.

Backlash rundown.

Regal leaves Eugene outside of Bischoff’s office before going inside to say Bischoff can’t put him with that window licker. Bischoff freaks out because Eugene has been left alone (like he was when Regal found him) and of course he’s gone. Eugene is now on commentary with Lawler saying “special” over and over. Lawler says Eugene’s gear is wacky so Eugene starts walking around like the Bushwhackers and licks Jerry. Regal comes in for the save and gets rid of Eugene, as this is already looking bad.

Kane vs. Rhyno

Rhyno gets jumped before the bell and Kane wraps his arm around the post. Back up and Rhyno slugs away, followed by a flying shoulder which breaks the middle rope. That always looks cool. The Gore gets two but Kane pops up with a big boot and the chokeslam for the pin. I wonder if the broken rope made that one shorter.

Post match here’s Edge, with a cast on his hand, for the brawl. Kane gets the better of it but goes for a chair, allowing Edge to lay him out with a cast shot.

Benoit and Michaels don’t think much of Bischoff’s orders to meet him in the ring. Last week’s near title win was awesome so Shawn has his back anytime. Until Backlash that is. Foley comes in and says they’re united tonight. Johnny Nitro shows up and makes Foley put the bat down. If anything happens to it, Nitro is responsible. Benoit hits Nitro in the bad arm.

Here’s Bischoff for the big show closing yelling. Benoit, Michaels and Foley come in and Bischoff makes an eight man tag with the three of them teaming up to face Evolution next week. Evolution’s music plays and they try to come in from behind so the fight can be on. HHH sledgehammers Shawn in the back and chairs Benoit down. A Pedigree onto the chair plants Benoit and Evolution stands tall with HHH holding the title up to end the show. Nice segment here and it’s going to make Shelton look all the more important when he’s there to even the odds next week.

Overall Rating: C+. They’re actually going somewhere at the moment and that’s a lot more than I was expecting. Benjamin is starting to get a push and putting him in the main event with that level of talent is a good sign for him. Jericho and Christian are still going pretty strong and we’ll see what can come out of the Edge vs. Kane stuff. Some of the stuff isn’t all that great, but there’s clearly a point to most of the stuff (even Coach vs. Tajiri is a story) and that’s WAY better than some the stuff this company was doing just a year or so ago.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/07/23/new-book-kbs-complete-2003-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: April 1, 2004
Location: Nationwide Arena, Columbus, Ohio
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re officially in the JBL Era here and that’s going to go on for a long time. Last week we saw the debut of the new character, followed by him interfering in an Eddie Guerrero vs. Booker T. World Title match. I was hoping that it was just a bad dream but now it seems that we’re going to be in for the long haul. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence, which STILL includes Rock.

Here’s General Manager Kurt Angle to open things up. There’s something behind him underneath a black blanket, which Cole thinks might be a surprise. Angle talks about sacrificing his in-ring career for the good of both the fans and Smackdown. He can’t do it alone though and needs someone to step up and help him.

Tonight, someone needs to show that they’ve earned what is underneath the blanket: a trophy, which is the Kurt Angle Great American Award. Eddie Guerrero isn’t eligible, mainly because the winner gets the next shot at Eddie’s title. Tonight there will be a series of matches with the winners being the official nominees, with the first match beginning right now.

Great American Award Nominee Match: Big Show vs. Rikishi

Rikishi slugs away to start but gets knocked down with next to no effort. The slow beating begins, including the boot choke in the corner. One heck of an overhand chop puts Rikishi down but he superkicks Show in the corner. The Stinkface is broken up though and the chokeslam gives Show the pin. They kept it short, as they should have.

Earlier today, JBL with the horned limo arrived, complete with him yelling at the Latino driver, especially for not speaking English. Cole hypes up JBL’s portfolio beating the stock market SEVEN YEARS IN A ROW, which is now the way you push a top heel.

Rey Mysterio/Spike Dudley vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr./Chavo Guerrero Sr.

Chavo has new music. Rey and Jr. start things off with Mysterio’s standing Lionsault getting caught, only to have him armdrag Jr. down. Everything breaks down and it’s a Bronco Buster to Jr. and Spike’s running corner stomping on Sr. Rey gets crotched on top though and Sr. comes in for a butterfly suplex.

The fans think Chavo sucks and Tazz wants to know which one. My money is on Jr., who comes in with a camel clutch to Rey. That doesn’t last long and Rey sends Jr. into a right hand from Spike, who comes in for more offense than you’re usually going to see from him. Jr. saves his dad from a 619 so Spike Dudley Dogs Jr. while kicking Sr. to the floor for the pin.

Rating: C-. It’s a bad night for the champions so far and the match just wasn’t working very well. I can certainly go for having Spike as a cruiserweight more than as the plucky underdog though and at least he’s getting some more time. That being said, if you’re going to use this to likely set up a title match, maybe you shouldn’t have had Spike lose to Jr. last week.

Post match JBL comes in to beat up Rey and Spike, because cruiserweights mean nothing around here.

Great American Award Nominee Match: Rob Van Dam vs. Charlie Haas

Rematch from last week, though Haas now has new trunks. Haas tries to take it to the mat but has to avoid a kick to the face. Another attempt gets Rob on the mat, though jumping him from behind works. Unfortunately for Haas, the second attempt at kicking him in the face works as well but Haas is smart enough to start in on the leg. A headscissors sends Haas to the floor and he picks up a chair. Cole: “Great Americans don’t run around hitting people in the head with steel chairs.”

Back in and more shots to the leg have Rob in trouble and Haas wraps it around the post a few times. Charlie pulls him down by the leg again and puts on a half crab, which works a bit better than last week. Van Dam still gets out in a hurry, but this time Haas doesn’t get kicked in the face. A trip up top takes too long though and now Haas gets kicked in the head. Rolling Thunder (What leg injury?) gets two but the Five Star misses. Haas rolls to the floor and grabs the chair to knock the suicide dive out of the way, setting up the double countout.

Rating: C-. Not bad, Van Dam’s selling issues aside. I can appreciate the idea of building Haas up though as you can always have a good technical guy on the roster to get a good match out there. Haas isn’t likely to go anywhere and going 0-1-1 in two matches isn’t the best start, but the talent is clear and with a few wins, he could be a fine midcarder.

Actually hang on as Angle comes out and says Haas wins because he was ahead on points. Well yeah, he certainly was. Cole, obviously lacking an eye for talent, freaks out.

Video on JBL’s big promo and interference from last week. They’re certainly going full speed ahead with this guy.

We look back at JBL getting out of the limo earlier and then beating up Mysterio and Spike.

Booker wants in on the Great American Award and gets a Nominee match with Hardcore Holly. So Booker is slumming it with Holly while freaking BRADSHAW is pushed as one of the top heels. Who writes this nonsense?

Video on the WWE getting an award from the USO.

Great American Award Nominee Match: Booker T. vs. Hardcore Holly

They trade shots in the corner to start as Cole talks about earning respect on Smackdown. You know, like Holly has done for all those years. Holly knocks him to the floor for a seven count so Booker comes back in with the hook kick to the face. A delayed vertical suplex gives Holly two and it’s off to the armbar.

Booker fights up and gets two off a side slam before dropping a knee. An elbow gives Holly two and it’s back to the armbar. Back up and Booker’s Cactus Clothesline puts them on the floor as we take a break. We come back with the side kick putting Holly on the floor but not being able to suplex him onto the steps.

Instead Holly suplexes him onto the floor and throws Booker back inside, only to have Booker get two off his twisting sunset flip out of the corner. Holly makes the fired up comeback and gets two of his own off a powerslam. The dropkick gets two but Booker Book Ends him for the same. With nothing else working, Booker grabs a rollup with trunks for the pin.

Rating: D+. The post break half was way better than the first but my goodness why is Hardcore Holly going move for move with Booker T. for more than fifteen minutes? I don’t know who in the world thinks JBL is a better top heel than Booker (at least given their statuses at the moment) but we really are getting Booker as the midcard act who has trouble beating Holly while JBL gets to run people over.

Dudley Boyz vs. Akio/Sakoda

Bubba headlocks Sakoda to start and shoulders him down, only to have Akio kick Bubba in the back of the head to take over. The stomping begins, which makes sense given that Akio and Sakoda are just generic villains now that Tajiri is gone. Sakoda cranks on the neck but Bubba just blasts him with an overhand chop. It’s off to Akio so Bubba hits a pretty good looking spear to cut him down as well. The diving tag brings in D-Von to clean house and the villains are sent into each other. A 3D finishes Akio in short order.

Rating: D. Just a short match here as the Dudleys are still getting settled in around here. That being said, the Dudleys vs. Scotty/Rikishi isn’t exactly a big time match so I’d assume a title change before we get to the title showdown. Akio and Sakoda aren’t bad by any stretch, but they’re not going anywhere without a few tweaks.

We look at the nominees for the Great American Award.

The Dudleys check on Spike when Teddy Long comes in to offer his services. Well for Bubba and D-Von at least.

Raw Rebound looks at Chris Jericho ripping Trish Stratus apart and Shelton Benjamin upsetting HHH.

Eddie arrives and talks to the limo driver. Plans seem to be forming.

Rene Young and Fifi come out for commentary with Tazz interviewing the dog.

Great American Award Nominee Match: John Cena vs. Nunzio/Johnny Stamboli

Cena gets a heck of a reception as the star power is growing at a remarkable rate. He doesn’t think much of the other nominees because that award is his. Cena also throws in an insult to Dupree and Fifi, suggesting that Cole is in love with him. I’ll let you figure out who Cena is talking about. Cena easily pounds Stamboli down and knocks Nunzio off the apron before catapulting Stamboli into his partner. The Throwback and Shuffle set up the FU to put Stamboli away. I don’t think Cena is even sweating.

Post match Cena gets in Dupree’s face.

Angle recaps the Great American Award process and wants Eddie in the ring next.

Here’s Angle with the trophy for an announcement. He’s proud of the locker room because they’ve shown that HHH wouldn’t have lasted five minutes here. The award will be given out next week because the fans can vote for the winner. Make your choice careful too, as the winner will be the new #1 contender to Eddie’s title. This brings out Eddie, who cuts Angle off a few times to annoy the boss.

Eddie is ready to fight right now but Angle isn’t going to do that because he’s the General Manager. Instead, he wants someone skilled to take the title from Eddie. Someone who is as adept at the stock market as Eddie is at stealing cars. That would of course be JBL, who is now the fifth nominee for the Award. JBL comes out in the limo and climbs on top to thank Angle for the nomination. He can’t wait to get out of here and get back to New York City to his Central Park home.

We hear about all of his TV and radio show appearances, plus hear a plug for his TALK RADIO SHOW! As for Eddie, last week was just business and now he wants the WWE Championship. Eddie wants to make it personal and climbs onto the limo where he steals the hat as JBL goes back in through the moon roof. With JBL saying that the hat costs $1000, Eddie passes it around the arena, telling fans to put whatever they want into it. Angry Texas ranting ends the show. I don’t know about you, but I could really go for more from the #1 contender than “I wear expensive hats and talk about the stock market”.

Overall Rating: D-. So, much like last week, we got to see the new names showing up and having matches that meant absolutely nothing because it’s clear that JBL is getting the shot and didn’t have to wrestle a match to get there. The wrestling ranged from pretty meh to bad and then you have the entire change of pace at the end of the show. Just a worthless show as you can see the cliff coming from here and that makes it really hard to watch.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/07/23/new-book-kbs-complete-2003-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 29, 2004
Location: US Bank Arena, Cincinnati, Ohio
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the first week with the new cast of characters and hopefully we can get something a little better than having the new wrestlers in completely run of the mill (at best) matches like last week’s Smackdown. HHH is already back on Raw, having never actually gone to Smackdown in the first place. You can’t have the company’s diamond on the B show or something like that. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of last week’s Draft Lottery and the trade that brought HHH back to Raw while sending Booker T. and the Dudley Boyz over to Smackdown.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Evolution, minus HHH, to open things up. Flair talks about being thrilled to defend the Tag Team Titles against Chris Benoit/Shawn Michaels tonight but they’re much happier about HHH being back in the Raw locker room. That’s it for the good stuff though, as Flair is tired of the lack of respect around here. There’s no respect for HHH and there’s no respect for Randy Orton, who defeated the hardcore champion (little slip there) Mick Foley at Wrestlemania.

More respect is demanded and Orton, who had a tonsillectomy last week, says he knows that Foley is a coward. Cue Foley to say Orton proved himself at Wrestlemania. That match showed that in a 3-2 situation, Orton can defeat a Hollywood actor and a guy who writes children’s books. That’s why Foley wants a one on one chance to face Orton at Backlash for the Intercontinental Title in a street fight with Evolution banned from ringside. In other words, if Orton agrees, he gets hurt. Orton actually agrees and Flair starts the pep talking.

La Resistance and Garrison Cade (Huh?) tell Tajiri to mist the next guy who comes through the door as his welcome to Raw. Eventually Coach comes in so screaming and flailing can ensue. The French guys say he’s in trouble because Coach is Eric Bischoff’s boy.

Nidia vs. Molly Holly

Let’s see how good Molly, who now has curly brown hair, really is. Molly takes her down with a judo throw and sends Nidia to the apron. That means a hard posting and Molly wraps the banged up arm around the ropes. The arm gets wrenched down some more but it’s fine enough to catapult Molly into the corner. A northern lights suplex gets two so Nidia pulls off the wig, setting up a rollup for the surprise pin. Nothing wrong with this one, though I don’t think anyone is buying Nidia as anything of note.

Clip of Edge returning last week and spearing Bischoff.

Bischoff isn’t happy with the clip being aired, Edge not being here, or Johnny Spade calling him EB. Edge gets Kane at Backlash.

Hurricane comes out for a match but HHH jumps him from behind. HHH doesn’t think much of the locker room being glad he was traded last week. Those people meant so little that Bischoff traded three of them to get him back. Bischoff wants this show to be the biggest in the world, which is why he needs HHH right here.

Now that he’s back on Raw (after being gone a total of zero weeks), Bischoff is going to come out here right now and give him the World Title shot at Backlash instead of Shawn Michaels. Bischoff comes out for some sucking up but since he’s already given Shawn the title shot and doesn’t want to annoy Steve Austin, he’ll just make another triple threat match. I’m really not sure that they should be running a rematch just a month later with no changes. But hey, we wouldn’t want to be without HHH.

Post break Batista yells at Shelton Benjamin for laughing at HHH last week. HHH knocks him into a cabinet and welcomes him to Raw.

Here’s Lance Storm for a chat. Storm says cut his bad music because he can’t stand it anymore. The having fun hasn’t gotten him anywhere because everyone is still mocking him. Last week he could have been drafted to Smackdown and gotten a new beginning. Cue Rhyno and it’s time for a match.

Lance Storm vs. Rhyno

Spinebuster and the Gore finish Storm in about thirty seconds.

Tajiri tries to apologize to Coach and Bischoff but Coach adds a few details to the story to get Tajiri a match with Kane instead. You kind of deserve it dude. Tajiri’s panicking is funny.

The WWE received an award from the USO.

Tag Team Titles: Chris Benoit/Shawn Michaels vs. Ric Flair/Batista

Flair and Batista are defending. Actually hang on as we have a guest referee in the form of Johnny Spade. Actually hang on again as that’s now Johnny Nitro. The threat of an early superkick sends Batista bailing to the floor, leaving Flair to have the Figure Four reversed into the Crossface. Batista makes a fast save so Shawn dives onto the two of them as the hot start continues. Somehow Batista is legal as Benoit starts in on his leg, followed by Shawn coming in for some splashes to the knee.

It’s off to Flair but Shawn takes him down into a quick Figure Four. With Nitro not knowing what to do, Flair grabs the rope for the break. Benoit chops him down in the corner and it’s already back to Batista. That doesn’t go well either as Shawn hammers away in the corner, knocks Flair off the apron, and continues punching Batista. A spinebuster finally gets Batista out of trouble as JR talks about Trish Stratus.

Flair butterfly suplexes Shawn and now it’s time for JR to complain about Nitro wearing a big belt buckle, suggesting that he’s heading to a rodeo after the show. I’ll let that one sink in for a second as the champs start in on Shawn’s ribs. Shawn gets in some chops though and it’s a double shoulder for a double knockdown. Flair goes up (JR: “Flair thinks he’s in Kentucky somewhere.”) and gets slammed down, allowing Benoit to come in and clean house.

The Sharpshooter to Flair is broken up in a few seconds so Shawn jumps Batista. A staredown with Nitro takes us to a break pretty late in the match and we come back with Benoit hitting an enziguri on Flair. Shawn comes in and everything breaks down again, with the legal Batista being knocked to the floor. The Swan Dive sets up Sweet Chin Music on Flair for the pin and the titles. The celebration doesn’t last long though as Nitro says Flair wasn’t legal so the match restarts. Shawn wastes no time in punching Nitro down for the DQ.

Rating: B-. Kind of messy at times but at least they didn’t go with the Tag Team Champions heading into a World Title match in a few weeks. The fans popped hard for the title change as you would have expected them to, though the match was nothing that hasn’t been done better before.

Post match, Nitro gets beaten up before.

Shelton comes in to Bischoff’s office and, thanks to an intervening Steve Austin, gets a match with HHH instead. I didn’t realize this was so soon after the Draft. Unless there’s a small cameo later, that’s Austin’s last appearance until next Wrestlemania.

It’s time for the Highlight Reel with Trish Stratus as the guest. Before she comes out though, Jericho has to promise revenge. See, he can’t do anything or he’ll get fined and suspended, but tonight is all about an explanation. This brings out Trish, doing the Jericho pose first. Trish says that Jericho can’t touch her, even if he wants to. She talks about the knee injury that kept Jericho from saving her, even though “Hello, I’m Trish Stratus.”

Christian was there for her at her hotel room though and he explained everything. Jericho just tried to use her like he used Christian. Trish is a three time Babe of the Year and he’s not even in her league. She and Christian planned all night long, plus did something else all night long. I hope not at the same time. Jericho calls her the s*** of the century and Trish freaks, as she should.

Jericho: “All I did was put my foot in my mouth, and that’s nothing compared to what you put in your mouth.” Kurt Angle isn’t the one who really sucks and Trish may be a three time Babe of the Year, but wasn’t Babe a talking pig? Jericho congratulates the CLB and the FDDBBFTBH (filthy, dirty etc.) and even starts a chant of the second, which is enough to get Trish to leave. Trish’s stuff was fine, even though it didn’t really explain anything new. Jericho’s response though was great as he had some hilarious lines and had Trish looking like she was going to kill him.

Post break Trish freaks out to Christian, who has gotten another match with Jericho at Backlash.

Tajiri vs. Kane

No DQ. Tajiri strikes away to start but the handspring elbow only knocks Kane back a step. The big boot puts Tajiri down but he ducks the top rope clothesline. The Tarantula attempt works as well as you would expect and they head to the floor. A posting has no effect so Tajiri mists him and dives back in for the countout win.

Post match Kane chokeslams Tajiri, taking away whatever limited benefit Tajiri got from the win. Edge runs in to spear Kane.

Benoit tells Benjamin to take HHH down because no one likes him. Hurricane and Mick Foley want him to do the same.

Smackdown Rebound, looking at Kurt Angle being announced as GM and the new talent making their debuts. JBL also gets a focus, because that’s the world we live in.

Flair gives HHH a pep talk.

Shelton Benjamin vs. HHH

Shelton now has his own generic rock music. HHH takes him into the corner to start and offers a polite slap to the face for the break. Shelton easily wrestles him down twice in a row, with a little slap of his own after the second. A shoulder drops Shelton but he pops up before HHH can even try the knee drop. The Pedigree is escaped but HHH says it was that close. A backslide gives Shelton a very close two and he does the “that close” gesture right back to HHH (which was in Shelton’s Titantron video for a long time).

HHH chops away in the corner as the fans remind HHH that he tapped out. The dragon whip gives Benjamin two and it’s off to an armbar. Cue Flair to back HHH up but Benoit follows him out and we take a break. Back with Shelton holding another armbar until HHH sends him in for the jumping knee. Shelton goes shoulder first into the post twice in a row and you can hear the relief in Lawler’s voice.

Right hands and the knee drop give HHH two and it’s time for the sleeper. You can hear Benoit playing cheerleader (there’s an image) until Shelton sends HHH face first into the buckle for the break. A jumping back elbow puts HHH down as he just can’t put Shelton away. Lawler is starting to panic a bit but HHH suplexing his way out of a sleeper calms him down a bit.

HHH dives into some raised boots (still the least believable spot in wrestling) and falls to the floor, allowing Shelton to hit a clothesline from the apron. The top rope clothesline gets two back inside and a powerslam is good for the same. A Pedigree attempt is countered into a jackknife cover for two more but Flair gets in a cheap shot. Benoit goes after Flair to distract HHH and it’s a Stinger Splash into a rollup to give Shelton the big upset.

Rating: B. So he won’t work Tuesdays but he’ll do the job on Mondays. This is the way you make someone look like a star and that’s exactly what they did here. Shelton is a great choice for a major push and it’s not like HHH is going to lose anything by putting him over here. It was even mostly clean with HHH getting distracted on his own and not being able to put Shelton away earlier. They did a good job here at making Shelton look good here though and that’s the right idea.

Overall Rating: C+. There were two good matches on the show and while I’m not wild on the triple threat rematch at Backlash, it’s hardly the worst decision in the world. Some of the weaker stuff here wasn’t great but it was mostly fast enough that it wasn’t that hard to get through. They’ve gotten rid of a lot of the worst stuff and that’s always an improvement.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/07/23/new-book-kbs-complete-2003-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: March 25, 2004
Location: Van Andel Arena, Grand Rapids, Michigan
Attendance: 4,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re past the Draft Lottery and the big move saw HHH come over to the blue brand. That opens up several doors and after the end of Raw, there’s a good chance that we’ll be seeing him challenge Eddie Guerrero for the SmackDown World Title again soon. Other than that, the big name would be Rob Van Dam, who could help move some people forward. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We get a long recap of the Draft picks, with a long look at HHH and Paul Heyman. With Heyman quitting, there is no Smackdown General Manager. I think we have a plot point.

Opening sequence, featuring a lot of Eddie Guerrero.

Here’s HHH….’s music but instead we get Kurt Angle in a suit. He gets straight to the point: Heyman ha quit so we need a new General Manager. Tazz: “It’s gotta be Stephanie McMahon. It’s gotta be.” And it’s Angle, because Tazz isn’t that bright. Angle is putting his wrestling career on hold so he can be in charge. He won’t back down from anyone, including HHH.

Earlier today, HHH demanded a rematch with Eddie Guerrero but got turned down, partially because he’s been traded back to Raw for the Dudley Boyz and Booker T. (along with Miss Jackie and Rico, with A-Train and Chuck Palumbo also going to Raw, though none of those are announced here). Booker comes out to say he’s not happy to be here. He liked wrestling on Raw because the fans over there appreciated him.

Video on the European tour, including John Cena in a kilt.

Rob Van Dam vs. Charlie Haas

After we hit the pose, Van Dam sends him into the ropes but gets carried like a fireman. Some spinning kicks have Haas in trouble and some armdrags set up an armbar. Van Dam tries to go up top but gets shoves off and into the barricade, which tends to happen to him quite often. Back in and Charlie ties the leg up in the rope for some stomping and it’s off to a half crab.

Since Rob is Rob, he uses the free leg to kick his way out of trouble. Another kick to the face has Charlie in trouble and Rolling Thunder gets two. Haas’ rollup in the corner gets the same, though the feet on the ropes help a bit. Charlie unhooks the turnbuckle pad but gets small packaged for the fast pin.

Rating: D. That was certainly a match. Van Dam isn’t exactly the best in the world in this situation and even someone talented like Haas can’t get much out of him. Van Dam needs to either be a big underdog or on a team as he’s not exactly going to get much otherwise. Pretty bad match here but Van Dam is going to be a big star no matter what.

Clip of Rene Dupree being drafted to Smackdown.

Clip of the big brawl that ended this week’s Raw with Steve Austin getting involved.

Billy Kidman vs. Rene Dupree

Rene has Fifi the poodle with him. Kidman can’t get a hiptoss to start but he can get a hurricanrana to bring on the early frustration. Back in and one heck of a whip into the corner allows Dupree to pose and the French Tickler elbow gets two. We hit the bearhug, which isn’t something you would expect from Dupree.

That’s broken up in a hurry and Kidman makes the comeback, including a middle rope elbow. Kidman does his own French Tickler and hits a dropkick but gets crotched while going for the shooting star. An over the shoulder sitout powerslam (which had no snap or force to it and Cole called it a powerbomb) gives Dupree the pin.

Rating: D+. Dupree has charisma and works better as a singles guy than in La Resistance but there’s only so much you’re going to get out of a three and a half minute match with a pretty weak looking finisher. Kidman is very good for a role like this though and is a big reason why he stayed around so long.

Post match here’s John Cena to say Tazz is a thug and Cole is gay. He wants to make sure that Dupree is prepared bro: don’t leave your wallet anywhere near Guerrero. More gay jokes aren’t funny and that’s that. Cena has found his swagger since winning the title and it’s sending him through the roof.

Video on Undertaker beating up Paul Heyman last week.

Teddy Long tries to recruit Scotty 2 Hotty and Rikishi and gives them a card. Josh Matthews looks interested but they’re “playas only cracka”.

Eddie comes in to welcome Rob Van Dam and Spike Dudley to the show but Booker doesn’t have time for this nonsense. He talks down about Smackdown and that’s not cool with Eddie, who won’t stand for someone disrespecting the show. Booker: “Consider yourself insulted.” The fight is quickly broken up and I think we have a main event.

Dudley Boyz vs. Basham Brothers

It’s a fight to start until we settle down to Bubba chopping Danny into the corner. D-Von comes in for some right hands but it’s off to Doug as the punching match continues. A neckbreaker from Bubba mixes things up a bit but it’s right back to the crossface shots. The double flapjack gets no cover and it’s time for some Twin Magic so Danny can come back in and take over. The abdominal stretch goes on for a little while but D-Von powers out and brings Bubba back in. That means more hard shots to the face and a sidewalk slam gets two on Doug. The Flip Flop and Fly into What’s Up sets up the 3D for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was every Dudley Boyz match I’ve seen in years and your mileage may vary on that. There’s no way around the fact that they haven’t changed things up in a long time and that was the case here all over again. They can be a nice addition to the division but they’re not going to be anything special.

Booker comes in to ask what Angle is going to do about Eddie so Angle goes into an explanation of how worn out Eddie is. Therefore, Booker gets a title shot tonight. Why is that not at the next pay per view?

Cruiserweight Title: Chavo Guerrero vs. Spike Dudley

Chavo is defending and the Dudleys are still at ringside. They trade hammerlocks to start and a frustrated Chavo hides in the ropes. The Dudley Dog is broken up with a nasty bump out to the floor but Bubba and D-Von scare Chavo Sr. away. Back in and Chavo puts on a seated abdominal stretch for all of a few seconds. Spike gets free and small packages him for two, followed by the top rope double stomp for the same. The Gory Bomb is reversed into a sunset flip for two more but Spike misses a missile dropkick. Now the Gory Bomb can retain the title.

Rating: C-. Spike was trying here and this was a much better fit for him. You can only have him do the ultra underdog role for so long and putting him against someone like Chavo, who isn’t that much bigger than Spike, worked well. Not much time to do anything, but Chavo needs some fresh challengers.

We look back at the APA splitting last week and Bradshaw talking about being a big time financial analyst.

Here’s Bradshaw in a suit with the white cowboy hat, now under the name John Bradshaw Layfield. Bradshaw says he was horribly misunderstood last week because he and Faarooq have been up and down more roads than almost anyone. He can’t be held responsible for what Ron Simmons did for him though, because Bradshaw has all kinds of things going on. We hear about his portfolio, his book, his upcoming radio show and appearances on FOX News. He can’t give all that up and no one would give up all he has.

There is no right or wrong in society but rather everyone is out to get something for themselves. People like him run industries and governments and he’s never sold anything but stock. He’s succeeded in everything but wrestling, because he thought a friendship was better than success. The impact is coming and business is about to pick up.

And so it begins. This seems like the kind of gimmick that would be a lame midcarder but since WWE has a tendency to go insane with some of its pushes, we could be in for a very long and rough road from here. At the end of the day, Bradshaw hasn’t been more than a Stan Hansen ripoff and now he’s some mixture of Money Inc. That doesn’t exactly instill me with confidence.

Bob Holly speaks for some of the locker room, telling Booker that no one wants him here. After Eddie gets done with him, the Smackdown locker room is waiting for him. Given that names such as Holly, Billy Gunn and Funaki are here, I get why Booker isn’t feeling threatened.

Smackdown World Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Booker T.

Eddie is defending. Feeling out process to start with Eddie taking him down but getting punched in the corner. A snapmare sets up a very early chinlock on Booker until he jawbreaks his way to freedom. Booker gets his own chinlock and has it broken up just as fast. The slingshot hilo gives Eddie two and it’s off to the third chinlock in….well way too little time to have three chinlocks.

Back up and Eddie gets in a very snappy dropkick but walks into a hot shot. We come back from a break with Eddie in another chinlock (two apiece now) before Booker gets creative with a sleeper. A cover gets two and we hit the sleeper again. This time Eddie gets out a little faster and hits a flapjack for a breather. It’s way too early for the frog splash though and Booker hits a superplex for a delayed two.

A side slam stays on Eddie’s back and IT’S ANOTHER CHINLOCK. He’s been working on the back and he can’t do a half crab? Booker chokes on the rope but only manages to fire Eddie up for some right hands. Another backbreaker is countered into a headscissors but the Book End gives Booker two. The side kick gets the same and Booker can’t believe these kickouts. Eddie ducks the ax kick though and the Three Amigos connect. The frog splash looks to finish but we’re edited to Bradshaw coming in for the DQ.

Rating: C+. Once they got past the crazy amount of chinlocks, they settled down and had a pretty good match. The ending isn’t exactly a brilliant idea though as Booker would have been perfectly fine as a one or two off pay per view challenger for the title while Bradshaw established himself a bit more. Instead though, we seem to be sailing straight into the new character getting a mega push right off the bat. We’re so lucky.

Bradshaw Clotheslines Eddie down to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. Not great wrestling and a pretty horrible new villain to wrap up the show doesn’t exactly instill me with confidence. This was all about a big welcome to all of the new stars and….yeah they’re people who have been around for a long time now and are now just on a blue show instead of the red one. It’s not their worst effort, but it’s another restart without much fire behind the new cast.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/07/23/new-book-kbs-complete-2003-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 22, 2004
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Attendance: 12,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

Things are staying hot around here with the second annual Draft (called a Lottery this year), meaning people are going to be changing shows. Tonight everyone from both rosters are here and they have a chance to go from Raw to Smackdown or vice versa. This could be anywhere between really interesting and a big waste of time. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

The locker rooms are assembled, of course in their matching show shirts because UNITY!

Eric Bischoff and Paul Heyman (in a neck brace thanks to an Undertaker Tombstone) are glaring at each other when Vince McMahon comes in to explain the concept: there will be a tumbler for each roster with six picks from either show. At the end of the night, there can be trades until midnight. Bischoff asks about champions and Vince says EVERYONE is eligible, including Randy Orton, who isn’t here tonight.

Opening sequence.

The GM’s come out for their first picks but Heyman has to give a speech about being attacked on Smackdown. He’ll deal with Undertaker on Thursday, but it’s time for the first pick: Rene Dupree.

After a quick photo op, Dupree comes to the ring to say he doesn’t want his last moment on Raw to be taking a beating from Steve Austin. Therefore, let’s have a match right now.

Chris Jericho vs. Rene Dupree

Dupree shoves him into the corner for a slap but gets taken down and smacked in the face over and over. The Walls don’t work so Jericho settles for the springboard dropkick off the apron. Back in and Jericho dropkicks him out of the air, setting up the French Tickler. Dupree tries it twice for some reason and Jericho rolls him up (with trunks) for two. Jericho hits a running crotch attack to the back and the step up enziguri is good for the pin.

Rating: D. I’m not sure what the point is in having your first draft pick lose clean in a short match but then again I’m not sure what the point is in having Rene Dupree as the first pick. The new aggressive Jericho is good and him winning like this would have made sense on any other night, but here it’s kind of questionable.

Post match Dupree yells a lot more so here’s Austin for a Stunner to send him to Smackdown. Beer is consumed.

Bischoff, after insulting Smackdown, makes his first pick to Raw: Shelton Benjamin. I’m still not sure why that team only got two Tag Team Title reigns and both of them in 2003.

Rico is in the ring for a match but it’s not Shelton coming out to face him.

Kane vs. Rico

Chokeslam in about twenty seconds.

Post match Kane makes it clear: he does NOT want to be on the same show as Undertaker. Kane leaves so Heyman makes his next pick: Mark Jindrak.

After a break, Bischoff’s pick is Nidia. This draft has been….interesting so far. Nidia’s graphic bio includes her measurements because what else could it be? Nidia comes out and takes off her Smackdown top to replace it with the Raw one.

It’s Heyman’s turn but here’s John Cena to interrupt again to a rather nice reaction. Cena says Heyman is wearing the neck brace because he’s blowing the whole lottery. Both shows want him but this isn’t a junior high dance so keep your pants on. Cena makes the next pick and hands Heyman one ball, though he still has no…..you can figure that out. Heyman and Bischoff argue over whether or not this counts but Bischoff insists. The pick is HHH, who does a spit take in the locker room. It’s about time we got a big name. The Raw locker room singes the Goodbye Song in a funny bit.

Christian vs. Spike Dudley

Spike charges to the ring and hits the running headbutt to the ribs. Some right hands in the corner draw Trish up to the apron for a distraction, allowing Christian to take over. Spike reverses a slam into a DDT and hits a big dive off the top to the floor. Back in and a top rope double stomp gives Spike two more but he gets sent into the post. The Unprettier gives Christian the pin.

Rating: D+. Not the worst match in the world as Spike was trying. There was no way that Christian was losing this soon though, especially when you have him facing Spike Dudley. They’re going to keep a lot of the matches short tonight though and that’s the right call, especially given how big tonight is. Spike was trying though and that’s not exactly a surprise.

A distressed Bischoff is ready to make his next pick but leaves to find Vince. Post break Vince says nothing can be done but Heyman comes in with an idea: tonight we have Eddie Guerrero defend the WWE Title against HHH. That’s the kind of thing Vince would do so he’s down with the idea.

Back in the arena, Bischoff picks Rhyno and gives him a shot at Chris Benoit tonight.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Evolution vs. Rob Van Dam/Booker T.

Ric Flair and Batista are challenging. Booker dropkicks Flair to start but gets chopped down, allowing the double tags to bring in Batista and Van Dam. That lasts all of ten seconds before it’s back to Booker, who is driven into the wrong corner. Flair comes back in and gets punched into a Flair Flop, followed by the required backdrop. A poke to the eye and more chops have Booker in trouble but he scores with a kick to the face.

Van Dam tags himself in and hits the fastest Five Star I’ve ever seen but Batista makes the save as we take a break. Back with Booker fighting out of a chinlock as they’re not exactly having people stay in the ring for very long. A Hart Attack with Van Dam coming in off the top with a kick to the face instead of a clothesline gets two on Batista. Flair chop blocks Van Dam down though and the champs are in trouble again. A few kicks to the leg set up the Figure Four but Van Dam is pretty close to the ropes.

Rob gets up and hits a spinwheel kick (with very little elevation due to the leg) to Flair’s arm (called the nose by JR), allowing the hot tag off to Booker. The Book End drops Batista and we hit the Spinarooni. An ax kick gets two with Flair making the save so Rob gives him Rolling Thunder. Rob tries to break up the Batista Bomb but kicks Booker by mistake, setting up the Batista Bomb to give us new champions.

Rating: D+. Is it any wonder that Booker and Van Dam are forgotten champions? They won the titles, held them for about a month, and lost them back to the same team. Now the question is whether Booker or Van Dam go to Smackdown, though both of them would benefit from the move. Evolution getting the titles back is hardly thrilling, but it’s not like any of the other teams are worth anything at the moment.

Heyman makes his next pick and it’s….Rob Van Dam. So there’s your answer to the previous question. For some reason Van Dam’s bio includes being an ECW Tag Team Champion but not the ECW TV Champion.

Booker and Van Dam promise to get the belts back because they have a rematch clause. Coach comes in to say no rematch because Van Dam is going to Smackdown. This is news to Van Dam and Booker isn’t happy.

Raw World Title: Chris Benoit vs. Rhyno

Benoit is defending and comes out wearing the title, I believe for the first time. They chops it out to start and Benoit runs him over with a hard elbow. An Alley Oop onto the top turnbuckle gets Rhyno out of trouble and he puts on a pretty good looking Sharpshooter. Benoit makes the rope and can’t get a Sharpshooter of his own. Instead he settles for the rolling German suplexes to set up the Swan Dive but Rhyno plants him with a spinebuster. The Gore is reversed into the Crossface though and Rhyno taps.

Rating: C-. Totally watchable match and there’s nothing wrong with giving Benoit a short win on a big show. Benoit is still getting established as champion and wins like this, where he Crossfaces anyone he faces, are going to help him. It’s not like Rhyno loses anything by tapping out here so everything is fine.

Shawn Michaels comes up to Bischoff and demands a trade to Smackdown so he can fight HHH. Instead, Bischoff gives him a title shot at Backlash, assuming he and Benoit stay on Raw. That’s cool with Shawn, likely along with several other people.

Bischoff gets another pick: Tajiri.

Heyman goes next and gets Theodore Long. Jazz is happy to see him go because he never made her any money anyway.

We keep going as Bischoff picks Edge. It’s about time Raw got someone big.

Smackdown’s last pick is Spike Dudley.

We’ll wrap it up with the final Raw pick, which is….Paul Heyman himself. Heyman panics and Bischoff makes it worse by suggesting that Heyman can wash his car. That’s a big negative though as Heyman refuses to come work for Bischoff and quits instead. Bischoff goes to the ring to celebrate but here’s the returning Edge (to a BIG reaction) to spear him down.

Smackdown World Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. HHH

Eddie is defending and HHH is still in his Raw shirt….which he tears off to reveal a Smackdown shirt. The early handshake offer is switched into Eddie telling HHH what he can kiss so HHH takes him into the corner. A hiptoss gets Eddie out of trouble and it’s an armdrag into an armbar on the arm that was in a sling last week. The rope gets HHH out of trouble and he heads outside, only to have Eddie ram the arm into the steps. Back in and the jumping knee cuts Eddie off and we take a break.

We come back with HHH whipping him into the steps and various other objects to work on Eddie’s back. A pair of hard whips into the corner stays on the back and a backbreaker plants Eddie again. HHH slaps on the abdominal stretch but gets caught grabbing the ropes. Smackdown referees don’t go for cheating like that. Eddie fights up and gets two off a tornado DDT but the facebuster gives HHH the same.

The Pedigree is countered into a catapult into the corner and Eddie hits the Three Amigos (FINALLY dubbed that by Tazz). Cue Flair and Batista though as JR and King suddenly take over on commentary. Batista hands HHH the title but here are Mysterio and Cena to even things up a bit. The distracted referee misses Shawn Michaels running in with Sweet Chin Music on HHH. Eddie goes up for the frog splash but Christian of all people shoves him off for the DQ.

Rating: B. This is more of a curiosity than anything else but it turned out to be a heck of a match. When you get rid of all the Evolution shenanigans (and HHH winning), you can actually get a very good performance from HHH. Eddie is of course golden right now and they made me believe a title change was possible. Good match, which this show needed.

The locker rooms empty out and it’s a big brawl. Kane and Big Show come out very late but here’s Austin on the ATV to bring out more Raw guys and beat up some goons to end the show. Cool moment, though I doubt it leads anywhere save for maybe a quick bit on Smackdown.

The final Draft moves:

To Raw

1. Shelton Benjamin

2. Nidia

3. Rhyno

4. Tajiri

5. Edge

6. Paul Heyman

To Smackdown

1. Rene Dupree

2. Mark Jindrak

3. HHH

4. Rob Van Dam

5. Theodore Long

6. Spike Dudley

Overall Rating: C. Aside from the main event this wasn’t much of a wrestling show, but at least we got a good main event and some interesting changes. The midcards of both shows need some upgrades so switching things up is a good idea. Now just do something new with those names and maybe we can go somewhere this summer.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/07/23/new-book-kbs-complete-2003-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: March 18, 2004
Location: FleetCenter, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 6,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the first show after Wrestlemania and, much like this week’s Monday Night Raw, the level of importance of this show might be pretty low. Eddie Guerrero is still Smackdown World Champion, having vanquished Kurt Angle, meaning he now needs a new challenger. There aren’t many options though and that makes things a little more complicated. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Wrestlemania if you need a recap.

Here’s hometown boy and new US Champion John Cena to open things up. Cena is glad to be home and talks about how he used to buy tickets for the old Boston Gardens. Back at Wrestlemania, he put Big Show on an FU diet and Show came out ten pounds lighter. Cena brings championships home like he’s Tom Brady. The FCC is getting on him and they suck just like the Yankees. It’s time for Cena’s first match but here’s Paul Heyman instead.

Heyman confirms that Brock Lesnar is gone from Smackdown and WWE as well, so maybe Cena can be the new face of the show. This Monday though, Cena might be getting sent over the Monday Night Raw. If Heyman was one of the superstars in the locker room, he would be on his knees praying to be drafted to Raw. Everyone left on Smackdown will be suffering Heyman’s wrath and that includes Cena. Heyman slaps him and gets knocked down but here’s Rhyno to start the title match.

US Title: John Cena vs. Rhyno

Cena is defending and takes an early spinebuster for two. He charges into a hard elbow in the corner to make it worse but the fans are still behind him, despite his tendency to charge in too soon. The real comeback (after being on defense for all of a minute) starts with some shoulders and the Shuffle, complete with pumping up the shoes. The FU retains the title in a hurry. Cena has taken about three giant steps forward into stardom since winning the title and you can see that fire in his eyes.

Edge is coming back. Still no date given.

Heyman is upset by what happened but runs into the APA, who laugh at him over what they saw. Therefore, if they don’t win the Tag Team Titles tonight, they’re fired.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Scotty 2 Hotty/Rikishi vs. APA

Rikishi and Scotty are defending. Bradshaw starts with Scotty, who tags out for the showdown with Rikishi. A slugout goes badly as Rikishi takes over with a headbutt and now it’s off to Scotty for some right hands of his own. Scotty’s middle rope crossbody goes as badly as you would expect and Faarooq comes in to slowly punch away. Bradshaw comes back in for a torture rack (still would be a great finisher for someone) and Faarooq puts on the chinlock.

Faarooq starts jumping onto Scotty’s back but eventually lands on raised knees, ala Arn Anderson. A tornado DDT to Bradshaw gets Scotty out of trouble and it’s off to Rikishi for the house cleaning. Everything breaks down and Faarooq breaks up the Worm with a right hand. Now why did no one else ever think of that? Not that it matters as Rikishi superkicks Bradshaw to retain.

Rating: D. Pretty bad match here and that’s not exactly a surprise. Why would you expect the APA to do anything more than bad at this point? They haven’t had a good match in a long time and it’s way past their expiration date. Scotty and Rikishi aren’t very good champions but with the rest of the available options, they’re about as high a level as we’re reaching right now.

Post break the APA storms into Heyman’s office so he can fire them to their faces. The thing is, they didn’t listen to Heyman because only Faarooq is fired (Heyman did say that if Faarooq and his partner didn’t win “you are fired”) because Bradshaw has too much value. Faarooq says they’re both out of here but Bradshaw stays, turning himself heel in the process. It should be noted that Faarooq was fired earlier in the day so this wasn’t the most shocking result.

We see Vince’s Lottery announcement from Raw.

Dawn Marie has gathered Shelton Benjamin, Charlie Haas, Billy Gunn and Rey Mysterio in a locker room. Heyman comes in to talk about the Smackdown locker room being united against him last week so tonight, they’re going to play Divide and Conquer. He can’t control what happens on Monday, but he can control what happens tonight. The four of them are running a gauntlet and the winner gets a WWE Title shot tonight. Haas and Benjamin aren’t interested in fighting each other so Heyman makes them the first part of the gauntlet.

Video on Wrestlemania.

Gauntlet Match

Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin get things going, showing off their blue and gold singlets. To the shock of no one, they go straight to the mat for a fight over arm control. Charlie gets the better of it for all of a few seconds before they get back to their feet where Shelton takes over with a headlock. That takes us to a standoff until they fight over a top wristlock. This time it’s Haas taking him down into a leglock, which is reversed into another headlock.

Shelton tosses him down and taps Charlie on the jaw, meaning it’s time to get serious. After a trip to the floor, they’re right back inside with Shelton hooking a front facelock. Shelton slaps him in the jaw again and Charlie isn’t having any of that. Back in and Haas gets two off a suplex (you would have expected more than that), followed by a bridging German suplex for the same. Shelton jumps over him in the corner though and the Dragon Whip (to the chest) is good for the pin.

Back from a break, Faarooq tries to leave but gets stopped by Bradshaw, who begs him not to leave. Bradshaw is a freaking one man conglomerate and he can’t be fired just because Faarooq said something stupid.

Now back to the match with Billy Gunn in third to face Shelton. Gunn takes too long getting in so Shelton stomps away in the corner. A running clothesline drops Gunn again and they head to the floor. This goes a bit better for Gunn as Shelton is whipped into the barricade for two back inside. Shelton doesn’t seem to mind as he elbows Gunn in the face and knees him hard in the head. Gunn gets out of a reverse chinlock with a jawbreaker and catches a charging Shelton with a raised boot. The good looking tilt-a-whirl powerslam gets two but the Fameasser misses. Shelton grabs a rollup (and the rope) for the upset (Maybe?) pin.

Before we get to the next name, here’s Big Show to say he’s not happy about losing the US Title to a cheater like Cena and is entering the gauntlet as the last man.

Back to the match again with Mysterio as the fourth man. They trade some rollups to start until Shelton snaps off an exploder suplex to take over. A delayed belly to back suplex gets two and some knees in the corner have Rey in even more trouble. Shelton whips him hard into the buckles and it’s off to a cross armbreaker. That switches over to a regular armbar, which Rey reverses into the sitout bulldog. Shelton is right back with a powerslam but Rey slips out of a German suplex. The 619 lets Rey Drop the Dime for the pin in the best section of the gauntlet so far.

Hall of Fame video. Why are they doing all of these breaks in between the matches?

So it’s Mysterio vs. Big Show for the title shot with Rey getting smart early on by rolling to the floor. Back in and Rey dives between Show’s legs but gets backed into the corner, allowing Show to toss him around. Show stands on Rey’s head but Rey snaps him throat first across the top. A springboard missile dropkick rocks Show, who kicks Rey in the face for two as the comeback is cut off in a hurry.

Show standing on Rey’s back has Mysterio bailing outside again, this time with a good bit more pain. Back in and Show gives him a rather impressive gorilla press drop, launching Rey into the air so the crash is even bigger. Cue Cena for a distraction though with Show going outside to get him, allowing Rey to hit a 619. The referee yells at Rey, allowing Cena to get in a belt shot to bounce Show off the post for the countout.

Rating: D-. This was a bunch of lame matches and while the most interesting choice won, it felt like they were doing the least interesting thing they possibly could have, which made this a very long match with almost nothing standing out as good. Mysterio vs. Benjamin was passable, which is probably why it was the shortest section of the whole thing. At least the title match has serious potential though.

Smackdown World Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio

Mysterio is challenging and they shake hands to start. An exchange of wristlocks and armdrags give us a standoff with Rey holding his arm. Eddie trips him down and puts on a headlock, only to have Rey snap off a heck of a headscissors to send the champ outside. Rey motions that he wants the title as Eddie looks stunned. Back in and Rey slaps him in the face for some reason so Eddie sends him arm first into the buckle to stop Rey cold. An armbar goes on but Rey realizes he’s next to the rope for a fast break.

Eddie, having a brain, takes him down into another armbar but Rey, being Rey, spins out and monkey flips Eddie down. Mysterio pulls him to the floor for an Asai moonsault and we take a break. Back with Eddie hitting a top rope superplex for two and staying on the back with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. To really crank things up, Eddie puts on a cross between a Gory Stretch and a chickenwing (egads that looks painful), making Rey tap twice. Why these taps (with Tazz and Cole saying Rey is tapping, as he’s clearly slapping his shoulder) don’t count isn’t clear but Rey reverses into a small package for two.

Eddie takes him down again and twists the arm even more, followed by some stomping to the arm. Rey fights out of another armbar and tries a springboard moonsault to Eddie’s back, driving him face first into the mat for two. The springboard seated senton gets the same as the pace is picking up. There’s a tornado DDT for two more but Rey is spent. Two rolling verticals connect but Rey reverses the third into a rollup. Eddie finally hits the third and tries the frog splash, which only hits mat. Rey hits the 619 and Rey Drops the Dime but Eddie rolls away. La majistral retains Eddie’s title.

Rating: B+. Oh come on like these two were going to have anything short of a great match. They know each other so well and it was no surprise that they were able to tear it up out there. Mysterio wasn’t likely to win but he’s good enough to make you believe that a miracle could happen to give him the title. That’s a valuable asset and Mysterio can do it as well as almost anyone else ever.

Post match Heyman comes out to say he didn’t know Spanish was the new language around here. He hopes Eddie and Rey’s families get deported because they have no place on his Smackdown. Next week he’s the only person guaranteed to be on Smackdown….and the gong strikes. Heyman decides to get back in the ring with Mysterio and Guerrero as Undertaker takes off the coat and hat (revealing a bandanna for a weird look). Eddie shoves him into a Tombstone to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. It says a lot when a really good Eddie vs. Rey match can’t save your show. This was as much of a punt of a show as you could imagine and unfortunately that’s not the biggest surprise in the world. They could have done something better than this, but I guess Shelton Benjamin vs. Billy Gunn was one of their best available ideas at the moment. Really lame show, but I can kind of understand why it happened.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2018/07/23/new-book-kbs-complete-2003-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6