My favorite TNA match ever…and some other stuff.

https://411mania.com/wrestling/halls-tna-lockdown-2005-review/

Wrestlemania XXI
Date: April 3, 2005
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 20,193
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz
America The Beautiful: Lilian Garcia

Then it was time to change things. In this case, that’s going to be at the hands of Batista and John Cena, who are challenging for the World Titles. There isn’t exactly much of a secret that they’re getting the belts, but that has made for some great Wrestlemania moments before. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Battle Royal

Tajiri, William Regal, Rhino, Hurricane, Rosey, Maven, Simon Dean, Gene Snitsky, Chris Masters, Val Venis, Tyson Tomko, Sylvain Grenier, Rob Conway, Viscera, Hardcore Holly, Charlie Haas, Nunzio, Billy Kidman, Mark Jindrak, Funaki, Akio, Orlando Jordan, Doug Basham, Danny Basham, Heidenreich, Luther Reigns, Booker T.. Paul London, Spike Dudley, Scotty 2 Hotty

Eh nothing wrong with getting everyone a DVD bonus credit. The Raw and Smackdown sides square off and Hurricane gives Heidenreich a mask…so Heidenreich punches him in the face as we officially start. Spike goes to the apron as there are so many people in the ring that they can’t move very much. Hurricane is out first (the fans disapprove) as Tazz talks about this being a team effort between Raw and Smackdown. I’m still not sure how but WWE would push that idea forever.

Reigns is gone too and Viscera gets knocked down, which doesn’t seem to be a great idea. Some people hold Viscera down so Scotty can hit the Worm, only for Masters to toss Scotty, Funaki and Spike in a row. Haas is out as well as the ring is at least clearing out a bit. Nunzio is on the floor but doesn’t seem to be out as things slow back down. Heidenreich (still in the mask) stops to eat a turnbuckle before clotheslining Venis out.

Dean is gone as well and Grenier follows him. There goes Rosey as Rhyno Gores Heidenreich from behind (OUCH). Rhyno is tossed out as well and Conway gets eliminated right after him to thin things out even more. The Raw and Smackdown guys square off, with Holly giving Regal an Alabama slam. Akio and Holly are tossed out and there goes Regal (who commentary doesn’t recognize). Tajiri mists Heidenreich, who can see well enough to kick London out.

Heidenreich is sent to the apron where he knocks out Tajiri before being kicked out by Snitsky. Jindrak gets rid of Snitsky as we’re down to Jindrak, Booker, Masters and Viscera. Masters dumps Jindrak and commentary tries to explain that Booker is down 2-1 because battle royals are suddenly team matches. Nunzio, who was never eliminated, comes back in and is tossed just as fast. Booker misses the side kick and gets caught in the ropes but manages to low bridge Viscera out. That leaves Booker with Masters and a superkick gives Booker the win at 11:19.

Rating: C. As usual, there’s only so much you can get out of this kind of a battle royal. It’s designed to get wrestlers on the card and it did that well enough. Booker winning is a fine way to get the crowd going and they weren’t out there very long. I could go for less of the Raw vs. Smackdown nonsense but that’s been a thing for years in WWE, even if it never really clicked.

Lilian Garcia sings America The Beautiful.

Since we’re in Los Angeles, we are officially going Hollywood and get a montage of the still incredible parody trailers, some of which are downright inspired.

We get the final trailer, featuring Steve Austin as Gladiator, which might be a stretch but getting Austin into something like this was a good move.

Commentary welcomes us to the show.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio

They’re friends and partners (even champions) but it’s time for a friendly match. No superhero for Mysterio this time as instead it’s more of a Mexican flag theme. Mysterio starts fast with a suplex but gets armdragged into an early armbar. A big catapult sends Mysterio outside but Mysterio gets back inside to avoid a baseball slide and we have a standoff.

Back in and they go to a test of strength with Mysterio’s monkey flip not getting him anywhere. Guerrero goes to a keylock to stay on the arm but Mysterio manages to get in another monkey flip. Mysterio is sent crashing outside though and the arm is banged up, which has Guerrero in a better move (as he slips into the heel role, which fit him much better).

A hard belly to back suplex sets up a surfboard, followed by an STF. That’s a bit too complicated though so Guerrero switches back to the standard armbar. Mysterio is able to send him outside though and the big twisting dive drops Guerrero again. Back in and a backbreaker puts Mysterio right back down but he’s able to block the third Amigo. The 619 is blocked as well though and Mysterio snaps off a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. More suplexes have Mysterio down but he avoids the frog splash.

They trade some rollups for two each but now Mysterio is up with the 619. After adjusting his mask (Mysterio was using a different kind of clasp here and it was driving him crazy throughout the match, with all kinds of noticeable adjustments), the West Coast Pop is countered into a powerbomb (and Mysterio adjusts the mask again). Mysterio is down but comes up with a quick hurricanrana for the pin out of nowhere at 12:23.

Rating: B-. They were in a bit of a weird spot here as they are still great friends and didn’t want to go full blast, but not going full blast at Wrestlemania doesn’t exactly fit. Guerrero was getting a bit frustrated in there and that’s a sign for the future, as these two were going to be doing this for the next few months. It’s still a good match, but it was a slow first step in a big story, which might not be the best fit for Wrestlemania.

Post match respect is shown and everything is ok.

JBL, with the Cabinet, runs into HHH, with Ric Flair. They compare greatness and JBL tells HHH to get ready to lose the title for the tenth time tonight. HHH says if JBL keeps telling people how good he is, someone will believe him eventually. They’ll see who is still champion at the end of the night. My goodness the idea of those two having a match makes my skin crawl.

Chris Jericho vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Edge vs. Chris Benoit vs. Kane vs. Christian

And here’s something important as it’s the inaugural Money In The Bank. Benjamin is the Intercontinental Champion and Kane gets the still awesome entrance of the Hollywood set and the ladders being set on fire (even Kane seems to think it’s cool). The brawl starts in the aisle with Kane getting the better of things and going after the ladder. That’s broken up and Benoit and Benjamin suplex Kane on the floor.

Christian goes for the ladder but Jericho knocks him into the ring, which is the official start. Benjamin is in to hammer on Jericho, who knocks him right back down. A triangle dropkick hits Edge and Benoit, followed by a dive to take out the former. Christian is back in with a dive onto his three fellow Canadians. Benjamin is of course right there with an even bigger dive, followed by Kane’s dive onto everyone but Christian. Kane throws in the ladder but Jericho takes it away and gets to wreck various people.

Benoit German suplexes Jericho, sending the ladder flying in the process. Kane tries to chokeslam Benoit off the ladder but gets pulled into the Crossface. Edge breaks it up for no logical reason and gets Crossfaced as well, with Kane breaking that up as well. That’s not enough for Kane, who puts Benoit’s arm inside a ladder and crushes it a few times, only for Edge to drop Kane with a spear. Edge and Christian get back together for a bit, only for Benjamin to send Edge into a ladder in the corner.

A Stinger Splash crushed Edge against the ladder and Benjamin goes up, only for Jericho to cut him off. Christian sets up another ladder so Benoit climbs at the same time, with Edge setting up a third ladder next to them. Everyone but Kane is up until Christian pulls Benoit down with a DDT on the arm. Jericho is knocked down, leaving Benjamin to Exploder Edge down for the huge crash. Christian bridges a ladder into the standing one, with Jericho climbing up.

That lets Benjamin run up the bridge to clothesline Jericho off, sending him crashing out to the floor. Kane is back up though and it’s time to start wrecking people. Benjamin gets chokeslammed…well mostly onto the ropes as he crashes out to the floor. Christian’s lackey Tyson Tomko comes in to boot Kane but gets knocked over the top. Christian gets a hand on the briefcase but Kane shoves the ladder over, sending Christian down onto Tomko for a crazy crash (and thankfully not breaking Tomko’s leg in the process).

Kane and Jericho go up and knock each other off onto the ropes for another big spill. Benoit, with his arm dangling, goes up and Swan Dives onto Kane, which doesn’t seem so bright but that’s kind of par for the course for him. The bloody Benoit goes up but has to headbutt Kane down, only to get chaired in the arm by Edge. That’s enough for Edge to get the briefcase and win at 15:19.

Rating: B+. I still really like this one as the match hadn’t been bogged down by a bunch of cliches and having far too many people. Edge looked ruthless with the chair shot on the end and him stealing the briefcase (despite not breaking any rules) fit in perfectly. There are more than enough high spots and carnage here to make it work and it’s a rather fun bit of chaos.

Here is Eugene for a surprise appearance. He’s happy to be at Wrestlemania and talks about loving King Kong Bundy beating up a midget and the midget army getting together to go after him. This is the greatest moment of his life but here are Muhammad Hassan and Daivari to interrupt. Hassan is livid, which Eugene thinks means he doesn’t like midgets. That sends Hassan into a rant about how he isn’t on the biggest show of the year and how prejudiced Hollywood has been over the years.

He’s never lost but he has to take a backseat to EUGENE? He will not stand for this and is going to create a Wrestlemania Moment. Hassan jumps the injured Eugene and the double beatdown is on. The camel clutch is locked in….and it’s HULK HOGAN walking that aisle to an absolute roar. Hogan cleans house of the villains, including shrugging off a chair from Daivari. The ring is cleared and Hogan poses as the fans eat this all up. Yeah it still works.

We recap the Undertaker vs. Randy Orton. Over the last few weeks, Orton has tried to show more of an edge and wants to kill the biggest legend of them all. Undertaker doesn’t take kindly to this and wants to hurt someone, which can’t go well for Orton.

Undertaker vs. Randy Orton

It’s Wrestlemania so we’ve got druids (one of which might be Kofi Kingston, who implied it was him but it might have been from a segment on Smackdown). Orton circles around to start and hits a quick dropkick, followed by a backdrop. Undertaker isn’t having that and knocks him to the floor, setting up the apron legdrop. Old School connects but Orton is back up with a dropkick to knock Undertaker off the apron and hard into the barricade. Back in and Orton tries to keep things slow but ducks his head, allowing Undertaker to hit the running DDT.

The corner clothesline hits Orton, who reverses Snake Eyes with an elbow to put Undertaker back down. The forearms to the chest just wake Undertaker up, which can never be a good thing. A clothesline puts Orton down (though he didn’t seem to be ready for it) for two and Undertaker grabs the dragon sleeper that he tried really hard to get over, to limited success. It’s only good for two arm drops here, as Orton reverses into a DDT for two. The chinlock (of course) goes on, which Orton switches into a sleeper, which Undertaker breaks up with a sleeper rather quickly.

Orton’s powerslam gets two and Orton is stunned at the kickout. Dude it was a powerslam. Calm down. The Last Ride out of the corner is blocked but the referee gets bumped. Another Last Ride is loaded up but here is Cowboy Bob Orton with a cast shot to the face, naturally for two.

The ticked off Undertaker comes up swinging, only to have to kick Bob down again. The chokeslam is loaded up…and countered into the RKO for a rather delayed two (if there was ever a point to end the Streak in this era, that was 100% it, with one of the best counters ever). Ever the moron, Randy tries a Tombstone and gets reversed into the real thing for the pin at 14:06 (that’s 13-0).

Rating: B. I’ve seen this match a bunch of times and I still feel bad when the RKO doesn’t finish it off. That was a perfect place to do it but dang they didn’t go that way. That being said, it’s still a heck of a match with Undertaker getting to show that he still has it. The Streak was a thing by this point and the idea of someone trying to take it out was becoming something huge, which would only get FAR bigger over the years.

We recap Trish Stratus defending the Women’s Title against Christy Hemme. This translates to “Lita is injured and Christy is in Playboy so it’s as good as we can do”.

Women’s Title: Christy Hemme vs. Trish Stratus

Hemme, with Lita (her coach), is challenging. Stratus even lays down for her to start before coming up with a shove. The one sided beating begins but Hemme blocks a Chick Kick. Lita offers a distraction and Hemme gets in a low blow (sure) so she can stomp away. Stratus is back up and they seem to get a bit confused so Stratus fires off some chops.

Hemme starts contorting and Lawler starts cheering, with Stratus hitting a spear to send her outside. Back in and a rollup gives Hemme two and she fires off some rather bad kicks. A reverse Twist Of Fate gets two and they fight over a rollup. Stratus has had it with this and kicks her in the head (area) to retain at 4:40.

Rating: D+. Well, they tried. The problem here is very simple: Hemme isn’t a wrestler and there isn’t much that can be done to get around that reality. Lita was only so much of a factor here, but again she could only do so much. There wasn’t much they could do here and the match wasn’t good, but you can only give them so much blame.

We recap Shawn Michaels vs. Kurt Angle. Michaels eliminated him from the Royal Rumble and Angle was ticked. He even brought up being tired of hearing about Michaels when he was the best amateur wrestler in the world back in 1996 and it’s time for him to prove his amazingness. On the other hand, it’s Michaels at Wrestlemania.

Shawn Michaels vs. Kurt Angle

They stare each other down to start and Michaels slaps him in the face, only to get wrestled to the ground without much effort. Michaels goes straight over to the ropes (in the same start, minus the slap, that Michaels would have with Shelton Benjamin about a month later) and we reset a bit. A headlock slows Angle down a bit and Michaels grinds away on that for a good while.

Angle finally gets up but gets hiptossed into a short armscissors as they’re definitely starting slowly. Back up and Angle drives him into the corner, where Michaels slugs away. That’s cut off again and the referee gets a bit too physical, allowing Angle to hit a forearm to the back. The ankle lock is broken up and Michaels clotheslines him out to the floor. It’s already time to load up the announcers’ table but Angle picks Michaels up for an Angle Slam into the post (the goal was for Michaels’ back to hit but it was more his hip, with the replay not helping).

Back in and Angle snaps off the suplex, followed by the reverse chinlock. With that broken up, Angle loads up the belly to belly superplex but Michaels knocks him off. The top rope elbow misses though and Angle takes the straps down, only to have the Angle Slam countered with an armdrag. Michaels backdrops him to the floor and goes up for a crossbody, only to seemingly slip and make the landing even nastier than usual. Angle gets up to block the Asai moonsault but can’t German suplex him off the apron. Instead Michaels hits a springboard crossbody to crush Angle onto the table and they’re both down.

They barely beat the count and slowly slug it out, with Michaels hitting the forearm. Now the elbow can connect but the superkick is countered into the ankle lock (which is a pretty simple way to go but Michaels can be a bit dim at times). Michaels finally makes the rope and gets two off a rollup but the superkick is countered again. One heck of an Angle Slam gets two and Angle isn’t sure what to do. He goes intellectual by putting the straps back up so he can take them down again (that’s just brilliant) but misses a moonsault (which almost sound up being a moonsault headbutt).

Michaels goes up again and it’s a super Angle Slam for two, with the fans losing it on the kickout. Angle yells at him a lot and gets superkicked for his efforts. Michaels finally gets the cover but Angle gets the shoulder up at the last half second, with the fans not being pleased. They slowly get up and Angle snatches the ankle lock, with Michaels rolling around but he can’t escape. Angle even gets the grapevine and Michaels still hangs on for the better part of two minutes (GEEZ) before tapping at 27:30.

Rating: A-. That ending is one of the only things that holds this one back as otherwise it’s an absolute classic. This is one of those pairings where you can just put them in the ring and you know it’s going to be magic, which is exactly what happened here. The double strap pull down is still great and the match holds up rather well. I mean…it’s Michaels vs. Angle for almost half an hour at Wrestlemania. What more do you want?

And after that, let’s have Piper’s Pit. Piper thanks the fans for the honor of the Hall Of Fame, despite them not really having much to do with it. As for tonight, he wanted to talk to the baddest, meanest, low downest rattlesnake son of an unnamed goat in WWE. Who is the biggest rebel in WWE? Steve Austin? BULLS***!

Piper has to see this guy in person so here is Austin, for the first time in a good while. Austin gets in the ring, where Piper welcomes him to the Pit and then slaps him. Austin thanks Piper and slaps him right back. Piper: “I kinda like ya!” Piper says he respects Austin and is immediately thrown off by the WHAT chants. He likes what Austin has done with Vince McMahon over the years (and starts getting the rhythm right to deal with the chants) but he was here when Wrestlemania didn’t even have a number.

Piper agrees on everything else, but when it comes to being a rebel, Austin has nothing on him. Austin mocks Piper’s fashion sense and says he isn’t intimidated whatsoever. Piper goes to respond but Austin tells him to think about it…and here’s Carlito to be in WAY over his head. Austin and Piper accuse the other of having a plan but Carlito says they’re slapping each other like little girls. Neither of them are cool and everyone wants to see Carlito. Piper calls Carlito “Alfalfa” for his out of date reference of the night.

Carlito wants both of them out of here and loads up the apple, which Piper takes. Instead Piper takes a bite of the apple and spits it at Carlito, who comes up swinging. Austin makes the save and hits the Stunner on Carlito. Piper throws Carlito out, beer is consumed, and Piper gets Stunned too. All in all, a pretty complete wast of time as they didn’t have anything to say to each other and Austin didn’t seem to care.

Akebono vs. Big Show

This is a sumo match and the fans are basically silent for Akebono, mainly because he has nothing to do with WWE. The whole point of this is to have the sight gag of Big Show in a thong and that’s about it. They do the big ceremonial start, they grapple, Show almost gets him out, Akebono does get him out at 1:01. This was a thing that happened.

We recap JBL defending the Smackdown World Title against John Cena. It’s a straight up culture clash as JBL is the old school rich Texan while Cena is the modern star who had the spinner title and wears throwback jerseys. Cena won a tournament and the match was on, but they weren’t allowed to have any physical contact. Therefore, they both tormented the other to ramp up some tension.

Smackdown World Title: John Cena vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Cena is challenging while JBL gets a police motorcade and JBL bucks rain down from the ceiling. Cena starts fast with a running shoulder for a knockdown but JBL gets a boot up in the corner. That means JBL can hit his own running shoulder and Cena is in trouble for a change. The slow beating ensues, including JBL grabbing a swinging neckbreaker for two.

Back up and JBL chokes on the ropes before Cena tries to fight back, only to charge into a spinebuster for two more. There’s another neckbreaker for another two, followed by a short arm clothesline for the same. JBL forearms him in the back and grabs the sleeper, with Cena finally suplexing his way out of trouble.

A double clothesline puts both of them down but Cena is sent crashing out to the floor. Back in and JBL takes him up top for the superplex but goes for a high crossbody for some reason, earning a powerslam out of the air. Cena initiates the comeback and it’s the ProtoBomb into the Shuffle. JBL gets a boot up in the corner but misses the Clothesline, allowing Cena to hit the FU for his first World Title at 11:27.

Rating: C. Yeah it’s historic as Cena gets the win to end the JBL title reign, but at the end of the day, it was a pretty boring match. JBL just could not back it up in the ring and that was on display here. Cena tried as hard as he could and had the fire in his eyes, but JBL never even had a big near fall to build some drama. Cena wins clean, but that’s all there was here and that didn’t quite carry it to greatness.

Post match Cena celebrates in the crowd in a clip that was on a lot of highlight reels.

We go to the Hall Of Fame induction ceremony from last night, with Hulk Hogan headlining and Roddy Piper getting in a nice speech. Iron Sheik doing his rambling and raving and Bobby Heenan going “WHAT THE H*** DID HE JUST SAY???” was great too.

Gene Okerlund presents the class of 2005:

Nikolai Volkoff (unfortunately not in the brown suit)
Iron Sheik (makes sense)
Paul Orndorff (who apparently intentionally left his plaque in his hotel room because it was cheap)
Bob Orton Jr. (the arm seems healed)
Jimmy Hart (you have to have him)
Roddy Piper (yep)
Hulk Hogan (they’re probably not here without him)

We recap HHH defending the Raw World Title against Batista. They’ve been part of Evolution together but Batista has become a star, while HHH is still the focal point. It became clear that HHH only cared about keeping himself as the star but then Batista won the Royal Rumble. Before he could decide who to challenge, he overheard HHH and Ric Flair mocking him, which was enough for him to make the decision to challenge HHH. The thumbs up turning into a thumbs down as he chose to come after HHH is still great stuff.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Batista

HHH, with Ric Flair, is defending and is played to the ring by Motorhead, with Lemmy mostly butchering the words. To be fair, it’s still a pretty awesome entrance and the belt looks extra shiny. Unfortunately this is before Batista got I Walk Alone so his entrance doesn’t have the same impact. We get an old school weapons check and we’re ready to go. They take turns shoving each other to start with Batista getting a bit of an advantage with the power game.

HHH’s running shoulder doesn’t work as Batista knocks him down so we’ll try a headlock instead. An early Pedigree attempt is countered into quite the slam and HHH needs to cool off a bit. Back up and HHH goes with the simple idea of hitting Batista in the face but Batista gives him a backdrop. The jumping knee puts Batista outside again, where Flair’s distraction lets HHH send Batista into the steps.

Back in and HHH chokes away so Flair does the same, with Lawler not seeing anything wrong with it. HHH rams Batista’s back into the barricade a few times and starts hammering away on it back inside. Some knees to the back set up a backbreaker and Flair chokes away again (JR losing it is great). Batista fights out of the corner but walks into the spinebuster for two. The neckbreaker gets two more but another Pedigree attempt is countered with a backdrop.

HHH facebusters him for two and goes up, only to get clotheslined out of the air. A sidewalk slam gives Batista two but he charges into a boot in the corner. Batista is fine enough to throw HHH into the corner and over the top for a big crash outside. Batista follows in a not so bright move and gets sent into the steps, with HHH taking him onto those steps for a Pedigree attempt. That’s countered into a catapult into the post and we’ve got the fastest bleeding in history.

HHH’s bleeding head is rammed into more steps before they get back inside, where Batista has that look in his eyes. Batista just unloads with forearms to the cut, followed by a running corner clothesline. It works so well that Batista does it again, followed by a powerslam for two. HHH staggers out to the floor, where Flair’s distraction lets him grab a chair.

The referee takes it away but gets bumped in the process, allowing Flair to grab the belt. That earns him a spinebuster back inside so the referee gets rid of him, allowing HHH to get in a belt shot for two. Batista is back with the spinebuster but HHH goes low. The Pedigree is blocked AGAIN, with Batista even breaking HHH’s grip for a cool visual. Batista powers him up for an Air Raid Crash of all things and it’s thumbs down. The Batista Bomb finishes HHH at 21:34.

Rating: B. The goal here was to make Batista look like a huge deal and put him over for the World Title on the biggest stage of them all. That worked and it worked very well. You really couldn’t have asked for the result to be much better, though the match itself didn’t quite get all the way to greatness. It’s perfectly good though and that’s enough to get by, especially with the right result.

Post match Batista glares at HHH and Flair as they leave. Batista poses as the pyro goes off (that was on the opening highlight package for a long time).

The big highlight package wraps us up.

Overall Rating: B+. Again, the goal of this show was to get Cena and Batista over as the new generation and that happened. Everything else is pretty much a big bonus, with only the Women’s Title and sumo matches being downgrades. Angle vs. Michaels is pretty easily the match of the night, with some other rather good stuff included. I liked this more than I thought I would and it’s a rather strong show, with the big goal being more than accomplished.

Remember to follow me on Twitter and Bluesky @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Royal Rumble 2005
Date: January 30, 2005
Location: Save Mart Center, Fresno, California
Attendance: 12,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Tazz

We’re finally to one of the more important shows ever and the main event is a two horse race. This is clearly the year of John Cena or Batista and either one is a great option to win. They’re owning their shows right now and both of them seem to be locks to walk out of Wrestlemania with the World Titles. Predictable does not mean bad though and that seems to be the case here. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at great Rumble endings as a clock counts down. After it reaches zero, we see….well more of the same actually but there are so many historic Rumble moments that it works just fine.

Edge vs. Shawn Michaels

Nothing wrong with a grudge match. Edge blames Shawn for him not winning the World Title and has taken out some aggression on him. They get started fast with Shawn clotheslining him to the floor and skinning the cat so the vest can come off. Back in and the announcers argue over whether or not Shawn is a champion hog. Edge gets in a swinging neckbreaker and the fans are all over him early on.

A Thesz press and right hands let Shawn throw him over the top for a nice mini moment. Shawn’s baseball slide misses though and it’s the Edge-O-Matic on the floor to knock him silly. Back in again and the fans stay behind Shawn as they’re certainly loyal. Edge gets two off a sitout powerbomb so it’s off to a rear naked choke. Well a chinlock with a bodyscissors because it’s Edge but close enough.

It’s switched to a regular chinlock and a slam, allowing Edge to strike Shawn’s pose. Shawn is annoyed but walking into a big boot makes it even worse. A clothesline takes Shawn down again as he can’t get anything going here. Another chinlock is broken up in a hurry and Shawn scores with a knee lift and some atomic drops. Ten right hands in the corner set up the catapult for two but Shawn has to stop Edge from walking out. It’s either a ruse or bad timing though as Edge gets in the spear on the floor.

Shawn beats the count back in and Edge….dances? That’s certainly a new one. What isn’t a new one is the spear (complete with tuning up the band, though JR insists that Edge has no band), which only gets two. A superplex is broken up though and Shawn drops the big elbow. Sweet Chin Music is countered into an electric chair drop (nice counter) and the Edgecator goes on. Shawn makes the long and slow crawl to the rope (Lawler: “He was going to tap and the rope happened to be there!”) but Edge grabs a rollup and a rope for the cheating pin.

Rating: B. It’s a nice mixture of action and storytelling here as the match was good and edge cheated to win, which is what makes perfect sense for him. Edge hit everything he had on Shawn to try and win clean and then went with the cheating to put him away. That’s exactly what Edge would do because he’s so obsessed with getting a win so well done on the opener.

Eric Bischoff and Theodore Long argue over which brand will win the Rumble. With that out of the way, we get Torrie Wilson and Christy Hemme to stand there while wrestlers come in to draw their numbers. Ric Flair and Eddie Guerrero come in first with Flair dancing and having the girls blow on his ball (make your own jokes). Flair is thrilled with his number so Eddie hugs him without drawing his own number. For the sake of convenience, Flair checks his number again and finds a bad one. The chase is on.

Heidenreich is freaking out over caskets when Gene Snitsky comes in. They like each other and Snitsky has an idea. The tone of voices sound like…..never mind.

We recap Heidenreich vs. Undertaker. Heidenreich is the latest monster and Undertaker has beaten him a few times but since WWE can’t just let him go, we get a casket match. As luck would have it, Heidenreich is terrified of caskets so he’s been running around in panic for weeks now. What a great way to present a monster.

Heidenreich vs. Undertaker

Casket match of course with druids bringing the casket out. Undertaker grabs a headlock and starts dragging Heidenreich towards the casket so at least he’s going smart early on. An armdrag into an armbar has Heidenreich close to the casket again as you can see a lot of empty seats popping up. Undertaker switches to the leg with a half crab so Heidenreich crawls to the rope, which is in front of the casket. No one ever accused him of making sense.

They head outside with Undertaker going face first into the casket as Heidenreich still isn’t coming off as interesting. Back in and Heidenreich hammers away in the corner while shouting that this is his world. Undertaker seems to disagree by grabbing a triangle choke on the top rope. Cue the taped up Snitsky to make the save and the double teaming is on. The casket is opened and Kane wakes up from his nap to pop out and make the second save.

Kane and Snitsky fight into the crowd as Heidenreich kicks the casket up the aisle. Undertaker goes knees first into the steps and it’s time to peel back the mats so we can get more violent. Heidenreich crushes him with the casket and it’s a cobra clutch to knock Undertaker out. Undertaker goes into the casket but keeps an arm out so the comeback can start.

The apron legdrop onto the casket onto Heidenreich gets the fans back into things but Undertaker walks into the swinging Boss Man Slam. Heidenreich covers due to general numbskulledness and Undertaker makes another comeback, this time with a bad looking running DDT. The chokeslam and Tombstone finish Heidenreich.

Rating: D. It’s not good, but this could have been a lot worse. Heidenreich got in some offense and didn’t feel as much like a chore to watch this time around, but this feud was done a month ago. The Kane and Snitsky stuff was pretty early on so the match was almost divided in half with a short piece in the middle. Somehow, we’ll call this better than expected, though that’s not the highest expectation.

Long demands Eddie give Flair’s number back and Evolution comes in to make it happen. Eddie gives it back and almost gets away with Flair’s wallet. With Eddie gone, HHH wants to talk to Batista about the Randy Orton match but Batista wants to go get his number first. HHH says NOW and Flair has to intervene.

Long comes back in to see Bischoff as Christian and Tyson Tomko are ready to draw their numbers. Christian and Tomko say they both signed a petition to get rid of Long and then draw. As Christian is happy, here’s John Cena to interrupt. Cena to Bischoff: “Loved you in Boogie Nights.” Christian wants a battle rap of all things and tells Tomko to give him a beat. Tomko: “No.” Christian manages to rhyme Transylvania with Wrestlemania but Cena goes with the gay jokes to win the audience’s approval.

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Big Show vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

JBL is defending. Angle chills on the floor to start and JBL actually starts swinging at Show. That’s quite courageous of him. Stupid as it works as well as you would expect, but courageous. Show catches him with a slam out of the corner and the legdrop gets two with Angle making a fast save. That’s fine with Show, who is right back up and knocks the two of them outside.

JBL gets posted and the power of the big hips knock Angle away as it’s all Show in the early going. Show sets up the steps next to the announcers’ and I don’t see this ending well. The super chokeslam is loaded up but Angle hits him low, setting up a monitor shot to knock Show through the table. Angle and JBL get back in with Angle grabbing an armbar, which feels a little out of place a giant just fell off the steps and through a table.

Some German suplexes fit the bill a bit better but the Angle Slam is escaped. JBL’s big boot gets two but Show is back in with a double clothesline. Show starts throwing the two of them around and another double clothesline connects for good measure. A double chokeslam is broken up though and it’s a Clothesline From JBL/chop block from Angle to put the giant down again. Angle is smart enough to hit a quick German suplex to drop the champ, followed by an Angle Slam to Show for no cover as Angle’s back is hurt.

Show is back up with a chokeslam for two, followed by a tackle to put JBL through the barricade. That leaves Angle in the ring with a chair but a charge lets Show flapjack him onto it. Cue Jindrak and Reigns to go after Show as the Cabinet is here to put JBL on a stretcher. Show fights the two of them up the aisle, leaving Jordan to throw JBL back inside. The Clothesline From JBL puts Angle down to retain the title.

Rating: B. Another rather good match here and that’s not a surprise whatsoever after what has been a really good story. These three had an odd chemistry together and the match was a lot better than it probably should have been. If nothing else it was nice to not have the goons get involved until the end, and even then it was just for a distraction. JBL’s title reign continues to be far better than he’s given credit for with a match that was actually a lot of fun to watch.

Carlito tries to get Batista to sign his petition but a threat of violence gets rid of that. Batista goes in to draw his number as Bischoff and Long argue over World Title matches. Long says there is going to be a bunch of interference so Bischoff bans Evolution from ringside. Batista wants to tell HHH himself and seems very happy.

Wrestlemania XXI trailer featuring Eugene as Forrest Gump. I loved these things and most of them were rather clever.

We recap HHH vs. Randy Orton. HHH won the World Title back inside the Elimination Chamber, including pinning Orton. It took Batista’s help though so Orton beat Batista in a #1 contenders match to earn the shot. Orton is a complete lame duck challenger as the fans have moved on to Batista and everyone but Orton seems to know it.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Randy Orton

HHH is defending and Evolution is barred from ringside. Orton slaps him in the face to get things going and a backslide gets an early two. A rather high backdrop looks to set up a very early RKO so HHH bails to the floor, allowing Orton to take him down out there instead. Back in and Orton grabs Snake Eyes but the RKO is countered with a toss over the top and what could have been a scary looking landing.

A ram into the steps makes it worse for Orton and the RANDY SUCKS chants are just downright mean. HHH goes after the knee, which was attacked on Raw and not brought up until now. We go to the Ric Flair knee work package, including the Figure Four. The hold stays on for over a minute until HHH slaps him in the face, causing Orton to turn it over, albeit right into the ropes.

They head outside again with HHH being thrown over the announcers’ table, which isn’t exactly a big deal this time. Instead Orton takes him back inside for the backbreaker and the assorted punches in the corner. The high crossbody gets two but HHH gets in a knee. The Pedigree is countered so HHH hits the jumping knee to the face for two. Another Pedigree attempt doesn’t work so Orton blasts him with a clothesline. Orton slugs away in the corner but a grab of the rope blocks a DDT.

That’s enough to send Orton outside and the referee threatens to stop the match because Orton looks out of it. Instead Orton gets back in but HHH crashes into both of them for the ref bump. The sledgehammer is brought out but Orton trips him face first into the post. Orton can’t follow up though and it’s a hard clothesline to take him down again. The Pedigree retains the title in a finish that sums up Orton’s entire face run.

Rating: C-. That ending was terrible as Orton never even got in the big hope spot. Instead it was Orton getting knocked silly, not being able to do anything but keep himself from getting hit by the sledgehammer and then falling to the Pedigree anyway. These two seem incapable of having a really good match together and that was the case again here. As mentioned, Orton had no chance so it’s far from some miscarriage of justice, but it was disappointing.

Kurt Angle steals Nunzio’s Rumble spot under the threat of violence.

The drunken Cabinet comes in to Long/Bischoff’s office. Long isn’t happy and makes JBL vs. Big Show in a barbed wire cage match for No Way Out. That’s quite the escalation and JBL sobers up in a hurry.

Royal Rumble

Since this is the main event, here’s your trivia for the night: this is the first pay per view since the Wrestling Classic (and therefore the second ever to this point) to not have a tag team match. In case you were worried about a slow start, Eddie Guerrero is in at #1 and Chris Benoit is in at #2 with ninety second intervals. Eddie starts on the floor before coming in for the feeling out process, which doesn’t get anyone anywhere. They start striking it out and Daniel Puder is in at #3. He gets in but goes straight back to the floor to grab a mic, saying everyone here is about to witness history.

Puder gets inside and it’s time for Benoit and Eddie to chop the heck out of him, which might be Benoit’s specialty. Some suplexes make it even worse and it’s Hardcore Holly in at #4. Benoit and Eddie are willing to stand back and let Holly chop him as the point is becoming clear in a hurry. Holly hangs him over the rope for the kick to the gut and there’s an Alabama Slam.

Hurricane is in at #5 as Puder is tossed. This was WWE’s way of punishing/initiating Puder for being successful in Tough Enough, because WWE feels the need to torment people for getting over. Puder would never wrestle on the main roster again and I’d be surprised if he had a major appearance. Eddie throws Holly out during Hurricane’s entrance and Hurricane is thrown out a few seconds later, just as Kenzo Suzuki is in at #6. Eddie and Benoit double team him as well but Benoit throws Eddie to the apron in a smart move.

Edge is in at #7 and this should make things more interesting. Chops and right hands abound until Benoit knocks Edge back a bit. Rey Mysterio is in at #8 and as soon as we get rid of Suzuki, a heck of a tag match could break out (with any combination of teams). Rey’s headscissors gets rid of Suzuki but walks into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker from Eddie to put everyone down. Shelton Benjamin is in at #9 and goes after Rey, who snaps off a headscissors.

Booker T. is in at #10, giving us Booker, Eddie, Benoit, Benjamin, Edge and Mysterio (get one or two more and you have a month’s worth of quality stuff). Rey can’t headscissor Shelton out but here’s Bischoff to watch. Benoit gets the Sharpshooter on Eddie, which Rey breaks up with a springboard dropkick. Just in case we don’t have enough awesome talent in the ring, Chris Jericho is in at #11. Jericho goes after Edge with right hands and a belly to back suplex before switching over to Eddie in the corner.

Theodore Long comes out to cheer as well and it’s Luther Reigns in at #12. The kicking and punching continues until we get the showdown between the Raw and Smackdown guys because WWE REALLY likes pushing that concept. With everyone fighting by the ropes, it’s Muhammad Hassan in at #13. Everyone stops to look at him as Hassan posses…and the big beatdown is on. The fans like this quite a bit and Rey hits a 619. Everyone gets together and tosses Hassan at the same time as Orlando Jordan is in at #14.

That means a lot more punching and not very close eliminations by the ropes until Scotty 2 Hotty is in at #15. Hang on though as Hassan and Daivari jump him in the aisle and Scotty can’t get in. Oh well. If we can drop every man for himself, we can drop 30 to 29. The beatdown takes long enough that it’s Charlie Haas in at #16. Booker kicks him in the face though and then tosses Reigns and Jordan in a row. He stops for a Spinarooni though and that’s enough for Eddie to get the elimination.

The eliminations slow for a bit as Rene Dupree is in at #17. Haas and Benjamin get back together for the jump over onto Rene’s back. Shelton misses a Stinger Splash though and Edge gets the elimination. Simon Dean is in at #18 but before he gets in, we need some Hindu squats. The distraction lets Edge get rid of Eddie and Dean finally gets in…..so Shawn Michaels, in at #19, can superkick him out. Things slow down a bit until Shawn dumps Haas.

Kurt Angle is in at #20 and it’s suplexes a go-go until Shawn superkicks him out. To recap, we now have Benoit, Edge, Mysterio, Jericho, Dupree and Michaels. Coach is in at #21 and immediately starts grabbing the rope to save himself. Mark Jindrak is in at #22 but Angle gets back in and throws Shawn out, followed by a step shot to the head for some blood. Angle is finally dragged off and it’s Viscera in at #23.

Rey saves himself from elimination so Viscera slams him in the middle. With nothing else going on, Paul London is in at #24, nearly sliding all the way outside as he comes in. Dupree slams him down and we get the French Tickler. Jericho is smart enough to use the delay to toss Dupree (Tazz: “His tickler just got Frenched!”.). No one can get rid of Viscera so here’s John Cena in at #25 to pick things way up.

Cena backdrops Viscera out on his own because WWE knows how to make someone look like a star in the Rumble. Gene Snitsky, who can run pretty well when he’s all taped up, is in at #26 to shoulder people down. Snitsky sends London to the apron and BLASTS him with a clothesline, sending London inside out for a highlight reel elimination. That gives us the Cena vs. Snitsky showdown with Snitsky hitting the big boot.

Kane is in at #27 and it’s chokeslams all around, with the one armed version to Mysterio looking great. Jindrak is out but Snitsky saves Coach of all people. The pumphandle slam drops Kane but none of that matters because Batista is in at #28 to bring the fans back to full strength (everyone knows it’s coming now and they’re fully on board the Batista train). Snitsky is out first and it’s time for the Kane showdown, with the full on BATISTA chants as background noise.

The Batista Bomb plants Kane and Batista throws Jericho out. Christian is in at #29 and gets beaten down by Cena as Rey hits the 619 on Kane. That’s enough for the FU to get rid of Kane (because Cena is smart enough to use a move like that next to the ropes). Rey and Cena set up an alliance and it’s Ric Flair in at #30, giving us a final field of Benoit, Edge, Mysterio, Coach, Cena, Batista, Christian and Flair. That’s quite the talent pool. Flair is smart enough to feed Coach into the spinebuster from Batista for the elimination and the same concept gets rid of Christian.

Benoit chops Flair in the corner but takes the big spinebuster as well. That’s it for Benoit but Flair makes the mistake of trying to toss Batista as well. Edge and Mysterio are smart enough to dropkick Batista at the same time with Edge getting rid of Flair (makes sense). That leaves us with Edge, Mysterio, Batista and Cena. Edge hits the spear on Batista and Cena but gets caught by the 619. Rey tries one too many runs off the ropes though and gets sent to the apron for a spear to the floor. Cena and Batista toss Edge and we’re down to the only two people who ever had a shot to win this thing in the first place.

Neither can hit their finisher and the fall out to the floor in the unplanned finish. With the referees split, cue Vince McMahon, who made the mistake of trying to get up from the Gorilla Position in a hurry after three hours. He tries to slide in under the bottom rope and there goes his quad (must be a family trait).

Vince tries to get up and just goes down, so the referees plead their cases as Vince sits down next to the bottom rope. With all of the confusion, they take turns throwing each one over the top (Batista threw Cena first, which makes sense. Cena throwing Batista out after and thinking that would count is just kind of dumb.). Vince says restart the match (and then goes to the back, where he put too much weight on his good leg and tore that quad as well), but for some reason Eddie and Benoit are nowhere to be seen. Batista throws Cena out in about ten seconds to officially win.

Rating: B+. If they could have nailed the ending, this is an all time classic. As it is, it’s just shy of great and that’s a pretty awesome place to be. Cena and Batista were all that mattered here and that was where they went for the ending, but the stuff before that was more than very good as well. They stacked the first half with talent and then had the very well done Angle vs. Shawn segment, which sets up a major match at Wrestlemania. By the time they were done, Cena showed up to bridge things to the ending. All in all, it’s a second tier Rumble at worst and just makes the end of the all time best list at best.

Overall Rating: A-. The Rumble is such a unique show as the one match can carry the rest of the card either up or down. In this case that’s very helpful as the four undercard matches nearly cancel each other out, with a pair of good ones, the bad casket match and the not very good Raw World Title match. What matters here though is they didn’t play any games with the ending and went with their strongest options at the finish. It was the right play and the only thing they could have done. Batista and Cena’s rockets are being attached to their backs and that’s what they have to do. Very good show and bordering on classic.

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Survivor Series 2005
Date: November 27, 2005
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Attendance: 15,000
Commentators: Joey Styles, Jerry Lawler, Jonathan Coachman, Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s all about Raw vs. Smackdown as the big elimination tag is all that matters around here. That’s in addition to the Raw World Title match, which should be another good but not exactly thrilling showdown. I’m not sure what to expect for most of the show, but that elimination tag is the centerpiece of the show. Let’s get to it.

The opening sequence is almost all about Raw vs. Smackdown, as it should be.

Booker T. vs. Chris Benoit

Match #1 in a best of seven series for the vacant US Title. Benoit gets backed into the corner to start and it’s a surprisingly clean break. Booker slams him down but Benoit pops back up for a standoff. Some forearms puts Booker on the floor and we’re still in low first gear. They go to the mat with Benoit easily getting the better of things and cranking on the leg to limited success.

That’s enough for Booker to take another breather on the floor. Back in and Booker elbows him in the face so Benoit hits him with a running forearm. That just earns Benoit a side slam for two and the armbar goes on. Make that an abdominal stretch but Benoit fights out again and hits an elbow. Booker elbows him into the corner and gets two off a neckbreaker.

A reverse chinlock doesn’t last long so Booker goes with the jumping kick to the face instead. Benoit grabs a quick dragon screw legwhip but the Sharpshooter is countered into a small package for two. The rolling German suplexes work a bit better but Sharmell’s distraction delays the Swanton, allowing Booker to roll away. A rollup with feet on the ropes and Sharmell grabbing the leg is enough for Booker to get the pin.

Rating: B. This was better than their Smackdown match as they were able to build things up a bit better. It’s a good way to start off the show, though it’s not like these matches matter all that much until we get to what is more than likely going to be a seventh match. That sounds good in theory, but it wouldn’t surprise me to see the match get a little boring by that point.

Eric Bischoff meets with Vince McMahon in the back and talks about the history of screwjobs at Survivor Series. Tonight, Bischoff Screws Cena. Cue Cena: “So Eric Bischoff screws guys.” Bischoff leaves and Cena shakes Vince’s hand. In a legendary line, Vince: “Keep it up my n****.” Vince struts off as Booker and Sharmell look flabbergasted. I can’t believe this is uncensored on the Network.

Women’s Title: Melina vs. Trish Stratus

Trish is defending and this is interpromotional after Melina and MNM kidnapped Trish on Raw. Mickie James and Melina are here as well. Trish jumps her to start and sends Melina outside for the big dive onto all three of them. Back in and a hair toss sends Melina down and the headscissors does the same. Melina gets in a knee to the back and a kick to the ribs.

They trade boot chokes in the corner and but Melina goes after Mickie, leaving MNM to try the Snapshot on Trish. That’s broken up by a referee actually paying attention and the two of them are ejected. We hit a modified surfboard, which I’m sure is not just an excuse to put Trish in various positions. The Matrish is broken up with a shot to the ribs for two but the Stratusphere works just fine. Stratusfaction is broken up but Mickie saves Trish from a cheap shot to the back. A top rope bulldog retains the title.

Rating: D+. There was only so much you could do here as there is no secret to the fact that this is setting up Mickie challenging Trish for the title at some point in the future. Melina hadn’t gotten good in the ring yet so for now she’s glorified eye candy who can do a passable match. In other words, she’s a traditional Diva of the era.

We recap HHH vs. Ric Flair in a Last Man Standing match. Flair beat him last month in a cage match so now it’s about ending each other in the way WWE ends people.

HHH vs. Ric Flair

Non-title and Last Man Standing. HHH jumps him in the aisle and the beating is on in a hurry with Flair’s robe and belt being ripped off. Flair gets in a kendo stick to the ribs (Flair using a kendo stick is just wrong) and they head into the crowd with HHH managing to backdrop him back to ringside. A suplex has Flair in more trouble inside and the pace slows a bit.

They go outside again and a screwdriver to the head busts Flair open in a hurry. Back in and some kneedrops make the blood flow even more and it’s already back to the floor. HHH takes too long setting up the announcers’ table though and Flair sends him face first into the steps. A spinebuster on the floor cuts Flair off again though as this has been one hope spot after another with HHH dropping him every time. HHH grabs a microphone to yell but Flair grabs him low.

That earns him a trip into the announcers’ table but Flair backdrops him through the other one in the first really big spot of the match. HHH is up at eight so Flair takes him back inside for some chops. Some right hands put Flair down as well so he hits HHH low to even things up. A chair to the head puts HHH down and Flair bites at the head, followed by a crotching against the post.

The chop block takes HHH down again but the Figure Four is broken up. Flair doesn’t seem to mind as he wraps the knee around the post and smashes it with a chair. NOW the Figure Four can go on and Flair even grabs the rope for a bonus. HHH taps so Flair can claim a bit of a moral victory and the hold is let go. A shot to the face knocks Flair into the corner and the steps to the head give HHH five.

There’s the drop toehold to send HHH face first into the steps but he staggers up and hits a Pedigree. Flair pulls himself up so there’s a second Pedigree. He’s up again so they hit the same sequence one more time. Flair gets to his feet a third time so it’s a sledgehammer shot to the….something well hidden by a camera cut but it’s finally enough to finish Flair off.

Rating: B. It’s good but it’s nowhere near as good as the cage match. As usual, the ending didn’t work very well as they were just doing the same stuff over and over again until a big hammer shot put Flair down. Thankfully they didn’t waste a lot of time with the near falls throughout the match, which are always annoying in a match like this. It wasn’t great and it should have been shorter but it worked well enough.

Randy Orton and JBL try to fire up Team Smackdown but Batista comes in and takes care of it for them.

Here are Edge and Lita for a chat. They’re changing things up around here because they are going to have their own talk show with the Cutting Edge. With that out of the way, Edge calls out Detroit Tiger Dmitri Young, who plays for a bad team and is fat you see. Detroit sports jokes abound but Young asks about Edge’s World Title. Edge and Lita are out of here, just like Ford and GM.

We recap John Cena vs. Kurt Angle. Kurt has beaten him a few times but never for the title so now he has Daivari as his personal referee. It’s the final showdown and this should be a good one.

Raw World Title: Kurt Angle vs. John Cena

Cena is defending and Daivari is guest referee. The place goes coconuts for Cena as the star power continues to rise. Angle wastes no time in taking him down by the leg and cranks on the ankle a bit. Some shoulders put Angle on the floor and DANG the fans are into Cena. Daivari won’t let him go after Angle though and things settle down a bit. Back in and Angle stomps him down in the corner until Cena snaps off a release fisherman’s suplex.

That’s not even worthy of a count so Angle grabs the ankle lock. Cena makes the rope so Daivari kicks his hand away. With that not working, Cena kicks him away and slaps Daivari in the face. Daivari is ready for the DQ but Angle gets sent into him for the double knockdown. Angle posts Cena and another referee comes down to count two. Some suplexes give Angle some twos and we hit the waistlock. Another suplex drops Cena again and the fans get even louder.

It’s off to the weird cousin of an STF on Cena but Angle switches to a regular chinlock pretty quickly. Cena suplexes his way to freedom and the comeback is on….so Angle clotheslines the referee on purpose. A low blow drops Cena and the Angle Slam gets two from the third referee. Angle’s top rope superplex gets two more but he misses the moonsault. The FU is broken up and Angle decks the third referee so here’s one from Smackdown. Angle tries to hold him back as Cena DDTs Daivari and then FU’s Angle to retain.

Rating: C+. They had a good match in there somewhere but egads they had too much going on at the same time here. When you have a fourth referee climbing over the three down referees, you’re only going to get so far. Cena needs a fresh opponent now as he’s beaten Angle more than once now so just let him do something else. That being said, who is there right now?

Eric Bischoff vs. Teddy Long

Palmer Cannon is here with Teddy and there is a referee from both shows. Long posts to start and then ducks a clothesline, meaning it’s time to dance. With that out of the way, it’s more dancing and the required crane pose. Cannon gets drawn onto the apron and Bischoff gets in some choking. A sleeper goes on until Long takes off his own shoe and hits Eric in the head. Eric is ticked….and we’ve got the Boogeyman. Choking into a pumphandle slam drops Bischoff and the one shoed Long gets the pin.

Rating: D-. Teddy’s dancing is the only thing that keeps this from failing because it always makes me smile. This was a complete waste of time but they had to have something in there to stretch the show out a bit. It wasn’t a match of course but what else were you expecting out of something like this?

Both teams get cheered to the ring by their locker rooms.

We recap Team Raw vs. Team Smackdown. Back at Homecoming, Bischoff turned out the lights on a Smackdown six man tag so a bunch of invasions started happening. Therefore, let’s have an elimination tag for brand supremacy.

Team Raw vs. Team Smackdown

Raw: Shawn Michaels, Kane, Big Show, Carlito, Chris Masters

Smackdown: Batista, Bobby Lashley, John Bradshaw Layfield, Randy Orton, Rey Mysterio

Entrances take forever of course and Rey gets some very loud EDDIE chants. Orton takes Shawn into the corner to start and then does it again for a bonus. Shawn gets in a whip to the other corner to set up some chops as commentary is already bickering. Orton gets in a slam but misses the knee drop so it’s off to Masters. The knee the face works fine on him but it’s quickly off to Lashley, who tosses Masters around.

Carlito gets the tag so Lashley pulls him in and hits a running powerslam for two. It’s back to Shawn, who gets knocked down as well. There’s the Dominator to Carlito but Kane saves Shawn from the same fate. A Kane chokeslam from the apron lets Shawn get rid of Lashley, who wasn’t nearly the factor you would have bet on after the last few weeks. Rey comes in and dropkicks Shawn in the knee as Cole says he’d love to see this dream match. I know he has a short attention span but he can’t remember something from less than two weeks ago?

Kane comes in and gets dropkicked down but is right back up for a big boot. A backbreaker gets two on Rey and we hit the backbreaker. Rey fights out in a hurry though and it’s off to Batista for the shoulders in the corner. A spear into the spinebuster gets rid of Kane but here’s Show for an immediate chokeslam. That’s good for two but Kane is back up for a double chokeslam to get rid of Batista. JBL’s middle rope shoulder is pulled out of the air by Big Show but Orton snaps his throat across the top.

The Clothesline From JBL into the 619 into the RKO into another Clothesline From JBL into the springboard seated senton FINALLY gets rid of Big Show and we’re down to 3-3. Everything breaks down and JBL hits Shawn with a fall away slam on the floor as Masters plants Rey. Carlito comes in for a legdrop and the chinlock goes on. Rey fights up and gets a blind tag from JBL, who blasts Carlito with the Clothesline for the pin.

Masters comes in next and gets hammered down as Shawn is still out on the floor. Rey comes back in and avoids a charge into the post, setting up the 619. Dropping the Dime gets rid of Masters and it’s down to Shawn vs. Orton/Mysterio/JBL. Rey throws Shawn back in and hits the 619 but the West Coast Pop is Sweet Chin Musiced out of the air for the pin. JBL tries the Clothesline but Shawn ducks and superkicks him out for the back to back pins in about fifteen seconds.

That leaves us with Shawn vs. Orton but neither finisher can hit. Orton bails to the floor so Shawn hits a slingshot dive as the fans want Undertaker. Back in and Shawn hits the forearm into the nipup but JBL is still here and brings in a chair. That earns him another superkick but Shawn walks into the RKO for the final pin.

Rating: B. This was good enough and was absolutely the main event of the show. Even though this was for completely meaningless bragging rights, it worked this time because that was something fresh. It’s the difference between doing it once and doing it every year: this time felt like they had built something up instead of throwing it out there because it was November. It also helps when you have Shawn at his best playing the underdog and Orton being great at this match. This nearly identical formula worked in 2003 and it worked here too.

Post match the Smackdown locker room comes in to celebrate….and we’ve got druids. They bring out a casket and stand it upright as the gong hits. Lightning strikes the casket and it is lit on fire, with Undertaker walking out. Undertaker destroys the roster as the Ortons get to the outside. The big staredown with the throat slit ends the show.

Overall Rating: B+. For a show that was almost entirely about the main event, this was actually a very good show with only the Long vs. Bischoff non-match being bad. There are several good matches throughout and it doesn’t drag at all. The ending was a bit obvious as everyone was waiting on Undertaker, but that’s not always the worst thing. Check this out if you need something to watch as it’s a very impressive show.

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Summerslam 2005
Date: August 21, 2005
Location: MCI Center, Washington DC.
Attendance: 18,156
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Tazz, Michael Cole, Jonathan Coachman

It’s a big show here with a card that doesn’t quite live up to the hype. We have a huge main event between Hulk Hogan and Shawn Michaels, but after that it’s kind of a downgrade with Rey Mysterio vs. Eddie Guerrero with a kid (symbolically) above the ring. The World Title matches see John Cena defending against Chris Jericho and JBL challenging Batista in a No Holds Barred match. Maybe they can make it work though so let’s get to it.

Lilian Garcia sings the Star Spangled Banner.

The opening video looks at the big matches, which works a bit better. Granted that might be because it’s set to Remedy by Seether and I always liked that song. Shawn vs. Hogan gets its own section of the video, because nothing on this show comes close to it (fair enough).

US Title: Chris Benoit vs. Orlando Jordan

Jordan is defending and it’s a German suplex into the Crossface to make Benoit champion in 25 seconds. Now THAT is how you wake a crowd up while giving Jordan exactly what he deserved in Honky Tonk Man style.

Vickie Guerrero comes in to see Eddie and asks him to calm down. This isn’t about Dominic because it’s all about Eddie not being able to beat Rey. Eddie wants someone to carry on the Guerrero legacy and Vickie talks about him having a heart of gold. But there’s also an evil inside of him that won’t leave Rey alone. Eddie: “So now you don’t think I can beat Rey?” Eddie throws her out and reassures himself that he’ll win.

We recap Matt Hardy vs. Edge. Lita left Matt for Edge while Matt was hurt and then he was released. Matt invaded Raw a few times to get at Edge but then he was rehired and it was just Matt Hardy again. Tonight is the big fight.

Matt Hardy vs. Edge

Hardy runs to the ring and starts the fight on the floor as it feels like Matt wants to kill him. They get inside with Matt hammering away and a loud HARDY chant. Matt grabs a rear naked choke but Edge gets to the ropes and then back outside. Back in and Edge hits a headbutt to put Matt on the ropes as the fans are all over Lita.

A spear through the ropes puts them back on the floor but Matt hammers away with right hands to the head. More right hands in the corner have Edge in trouble so he drops Matt face first onto the post to knock him silly. Even Lita looks concerned as Matt is busted open. Matt can barely stand so Edge kicks him in the head….and the referee stops it.

Rating: D+. So yeah Matt comes back, gets in a few shots, and then gets busted open for a referee stoppage in five minutes. The first minute or so felt like a war but then it was little more than a hard hitting match with one big spot. This is the kind of thing that needed to go about eighteen minutes with both of them bleeding, but that would suggest that Matt was something important, rather than just a way to get Edge over. I can go with that as Matt is Matt and Edge has been a near main eventer for a long time now, but this was a major disappointment after the setup.

We recap Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio. Eddie can’t beat Rey and has been driven completely crazy over jealousy and his failures. Therefore, Eddie is going to try something else so he brought up that Rey’s son Dominic was really Eddie’s biological son. Eddie wanted Dominic, but a social worker said they had to settle this, so a ladder match was made instead.

Rey Mysterio vs. Eddie Guerrero

Tony Chimel: “The following contest is a ladder match for the custody of Dominic!” And that’s your most ridiculous ring introduction of all time. Dominic and the social worker are in the front row so Eddie goes over to them for a rather evil smile. Rey comes out and hugs Dominic so Eddie goes over and shakes the social worker’s hand. We’re ready to go and Eddie talks a lot of trash as they stare each other down to start.

Eddie gets in a cheap shot to knock Rey into the corner but Rey monkey flips him out to the floor. A whip sends Rey into the ladder though and he has to springboard in with a dropkick to knock Eddie off. Eddie goes to get another ladder so Rey dropkicks that one into his face, followed by a springboard seated senton to the floor. Back in and Eddie saves Rey’s climb with a sunset bomb but he can’t hold on, making it look rather messy. Eh to be fair that’s a pretty tricky spot.

Eddie hits him in the ribs and face with the ladder before sandwiching Rey between some ladders. The fans know what’s coming and are rather pleased with the slingshot hilo onto a ladder onto Rey onto another ladder. Rey gets up and uses a ladder to bridge his way up top to cut Eddie off, including a backdrop onto the bridged ladder. The crash bangs up Rey’s knee so he climbs rather slowly, allowing Eddie to dropkick the ladder out and hurt the knee even more.

Eddie reverse powerbombs him ribs first into the ladder on the top rope and there’s that evil smile again. That’s enough for another climb but Dominic comes in to shake the ladder. That just annoys Eddie so he yells at Dominic and demands a hug. Eddie: “I’m your new daddy now!” Eddie goes to hit him but Rey makes the save as Dominic is back with the social worker who let him jump the barricade and interfere in a violent match.

Rey sends him into a ladder and then 619s said ladder into Eddie’s face, only to hurt the knee again. The knee is ok enough to Drop The Dime onto a ladder onto Eddie and then load up the ladder again. Eddie climbs up the same side for an electric chair but Rey shows him how to do the sunset bomb for the huge crash. Rey goes up again and grabs the case but Eddie kicks the ladder out and pulls Rey down into a big spinebuster.

With Rey pinned under the ladder, Eddie goes up but stops to talk a lot of trash. He can’t unhook the thing anyway, allowing Rey to wiggle free and kick the ladder over. Apparently Vickie was supposed to run in there and missed the cue, explaining why Eddie couldn’t understand how a hook worked. Eddie is back up with Three Amigos, including the third onto the ladder. That means another climb but this time Vickie comes out for the save as she shoves the ladder over. Vickie pulls Eddie back so Rey can climb p and win.

Rating: B. It’s rather good with some big crashes, but the Vickie/Dominic stuff was too much and brought the match down. Rey vs. Eddie is something you can watch all day, especially if Eddie is all evil, but they could have come up with something better than a ladder match for custody papers. It was too far and became dumb rather than dramatic, which defeats a lot of the purpose.

Post match Vickie is relieved and Rey hits Eddie with a briefcase for a bonus.

Chris Jericho doesn’t like John Cena’s theme music and promises to make him as forgettable as the New Kids On The Block. He beat the Rock and Steve Austin on the same night and Cena isn’t on their level.

Eugene vs. Kurt Angle

For Eugene’s (Or Angle’s?) Gold Medal with no time limit and Christy Hemme is here with Eugene. Angle goes off on him to start and stomps Eugene down into the corner. Eugene comes back with a Faarooq spinebuster but Angle breaks up the People’s Elbow attempt with a hard clothesline. The fans are very pleased with this as they don’t seem all that into Eugene here.

Angle rolls the German suplexes for two and the fans are happy again. Eugene gets sent into the buckle a few times so the comeback is on, including a Rock Bottom for two. The Stunner gets the same and Eugene takes down the non-existent straps. Angle reverses the ankle lock by rolling him into the corner though and it’s the Angle Slam into the ankle lock for the win.

Rating: D. This could have been on Raw as Eugene was completely overwhelmed. The charm is long past gone now and it’s just Eugene doing Austin and Rock moves with almost nothing in between. It was just a squash anyway as Eugene is treated like the glorified jobber that he is. Angle needs to move on to something else and Eugene needs to become something else entirely.

Post match Angle stands on a chair so he can be awarded the medal again.

The Divas, in swimsuits, wash a limo with the Presidential seal on the door. The window goes down to reveal Vince McMahon. Vince: “Hey, why not?” There’s a McMahon For President bumper sticker on the limo for a bonus.

Undertaker vs. Randy Orton

Rematch from Wrestlemania because Orton isn’t happy with his loss. It’s weird to see Undertaker come out first. Orton bails to the floor to start so Undertaker takes a second before shoving him down. A slap gets in Orton’s head a bit but he’s back up to dodge some right hands. Undertaker grabs a headlock (that’s a rare one) but Orton is right back with a hiptoss into a clothesline. That just earns him a big boot to the face and Orton is stunned in a hurry.

Undertaker goes technical with a keylock into Old School but Orton somehow understands what it means when Undertaker stands on the top while holding an arm. Old School is broken up with an armdrag back down but Undertaker LAUNCHES him into the corner to hammer away. The big boot and jumping clothesline give Undertaker two but the big boot in the corner only hits….well corner really and Orton grabs a DDT for his own two with Undertaker putting a foot across the rope.

Flashing back to his Evolution days, Orton cannonballs down onto the leg and then wraps it around the post. The leglock goes on so Undertaker punches his way to freedom, only to earn a knee drop to the ribs. Undertaker limps into the powerslam for two and it’s time to go to Texas with a spinning toehold.

That’s broken up as well and Undertaker starts kicking at Orton’s knee, earning a one off BORING chant. That doesn’t last long either as Orton is right back to the knee as the slow pace continues. Undertaker kicks him out to the floor for a ram into the steps and the apron legdrop as this isn’t exactly hitting a high gear. Old School connects back inside and it’s the Downward Spiral to Orton, who is right back with a dropkick for the double knockdown.

The RKO is blocked so they fight over a Tombstone until Orton gets two off the backbreaker. Orton goes up but Undertaker rolls through the high crossbody and grabs him by the throat. The chokeslam connects but a “fan” comes in. The distraction lets Orton hit the RKO for the fast pin.

Rating: C+. It was a struggle to get this high as there was no sense of urgency or any time until the end where either of them seemed close to going to a finish. At least the Wrestlemania match had an awesome near fall of the RKO but this was a bunch of leg work until they got to the finish. It could have worked if they had gone to a better ending but this never got into a higher gear.

And it’s Cowboy Bob Orton. You can book the rubber match already.

Some members of the Republican National Committee are here.

We recap Chris Jericho vs. John Cena. They’ve been having issues since Cena made his Raw debut on the Highlight Reel. Then they got in an argument over who was the bigger rock star, which turned into Cena’s Steve Austin vs. Eric Bischoff’s Vince McMahon with Jericho and Carlito as the chief lackeys. The former story was better but why do that when you can do the same thing you’ve done so many times before?

Bischoff wishes Jericho’s luck.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Chris Jericho

Cena is defending. They go nose to nose to start and a lockup doesn’t go anywhere. Jericho’s headlock is just as ineffective but he grabs a suplex to take over. There’s the spinwheel kick to drop Cena again but the springboard crossbody only lands on the floor. Back in and Cena hammers away, only to charge into a dropkick in the corner. A suplex gives Jericho two and a basement dropkick to the headsets up the chinlock.

They go outside with Jericho choking away with a cord but Cena is back with right hands. This isn’t exactly blowing the roof off the place so far. The big flying shoulder misses though and Jericho hits the running bulldog. Jericho has to bail out of the Lionsault so he tries the Walls, which is kicked out to the floor in a hurry. Cena drops the middle rope Fameasser over the ropes for two on the way back in but the FU is countered into a DDT for two. It’s time to start in on the back with a backbreaker and some elbows as the fans are loudly split.

The running crotch attack to the back only hits ropes though and they’re both down again. Cena is back up with that hard clothesline into the ProtoBomb. The Shuffle is countered into the Walls in the middle though, sending Cena on the long crawl to the ropes. Jericho pulls him back in but Cena makes the rope on the second attempt to a rather loud reaction. Cena’s back is good enough to try a super AA but Jericho slips out and grabs another suplex for another two. An argument with the referee lets Cena grab the FU to retain.

Rating: B. This took some time to get going but they drew the crowd into it and it turned into a heck of a match by the end. Cena is showing some signs of brilliance in these big matches and Jericho has more than shown that he can hang with anyone so this was a benefit to both of them. Good match here as Cena is becoming a bigger and bigger star every single week.

We recap JBL vs. Batista (hometown boy) for the Smackdown World Title. JBL beat him by DQ last month so now it’s No Holds Barred. Not much more to it than that as JBL isn’t quite the believable challenger.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Batista is defending and it’s No Holds Barred. We get the JBL dollars raining from the ceiling during JBL’s entrance. The fight starts at the entrance with Batista ramming him into various things. A fire extinguisher into the face drops Batista though and JBL punches him around the barricade, only to have Batista spear him through said barricade.

They get inside for the first time with JBL kicking him in the head, followed by some whipping with a belt. Back up and Batista charges into a boot in the corner, setting up the Clothesline From JBL for two. JBL slides in the steps and this isn’t going to end well. The powerbomb off the steps is countered into a backdrop off of them and Batista hits the spinebuster. There’s the Batista Bomb but Batista doesn’t cover. Another Batista Bomb onto the steps retains the title.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t much but it was way better than their previous match as it didn’t go on forever, though the stipulation wasn’t exactly used. They went with the definitive ending here as Batista completely beat him, which is all it should have been. JBL was never a threat to Batista and now they can both move on to something else, with both of them going in the proper direction.

We recap Shawn Michaels vs. Hulk Hogan. They teamed a handful of times and then Shawn superkicked him on the Fourth of July. Shawn said he had to know and the match was made. Everything went spiraling out of control after that though, with Shawn turning it into a weird near shoot on Hogan’s career while Hogan just referenced Bret Hart and screwjobs a few times. Shawn has carried this feud on his back and it’s going to be interesting to see how they get to the big boot and legdrop.

Hulk Hogan vs. Shawn Michaels

Hogan has the big flag out for the entrance. It’s a long staredown to start before Hogan shoves him away and shows off the biceps. Hogan shoves him down a few more times and Shawn is already frustrated. A headlock works a bit better for Shawn until a shoulder sends him into a backflip through the ropes as the overselling is already strong. Back in and Shawn knees him in the ribs but gets put on top so Hogan can kick him in the ribs.

Shawn bounces as high into the air as he can for a crotching, before a ram into the buckle gives us a bump that Mr. Perfect would think is too much. A clothesline puts Shawn on the floor where he rolls backwards again, gets up and falls back down. Shawn manages a kick to the face though and starts chopping away in the corner. The slap to the face does not go well so Shawn does it again before chopping even more. A third slap earns Shawn a right hand out to the floor but they both get posted with Hogan staggering around a lot.

Shawn posts him again but still can’t put Hogan down so it’s time for some left hands to the head. Some right hands in the corner get Shawn shoved down again (make it twice), only to have him finally punch Hogan down (you don’t see that too often). Hogan is finally busted open and Shawn grabs the sleeper to follow the Randy Savage formula from Wrestlemania V. Shawn’s arm is covered in blood as Hogan suplexes his way to freedom.

The forearm into the nipup lets Shawn drop the elbow (OH YEAH indeed) but this one misses (leave it to Savage kid). Hogan slugs away but Shawn tries another forearm, which takes out the referee. The fans want Bret (fair enough after the promos building this up) but Shawn is up first and heads to the top, only to come back down for a terrible Sharpshooter (even Rock’s is better than that).

Another referee comes in and Hogan very slowly makes it to the rope. Hogan kicks him into the second referee and everyone is down again. A low blow drops Hogan and a chair to the head finally lets Shawn hit the elbow. Sweet Chin Music connects for two but Hogan kicks out, Hulks Up, punches away and finishes with the big boot and legdrop. So that’s how they got there.

Rating: B-. The match was a weird one (YOU THINK?) as Shawn was doing his over the top selling and turning it into a joke at first but then it settled into a match with a pretty simple formula that hit the high points but didn’t exactly break the mold. Hogan was the definitive winner here and Shawn hit everything he could without being able to finish Hogan off. I liked it well enough and it’s certainly a dream match, but it’s two matches in one and that’s a little distracting.

Post match Hogan poses but Shawn stops him to make everything nice. Shawn says he had to know and, as usual, wrestlers are rather forgiving about the whole situation. It’s more posing to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This show was all over the place with some good wrestling and action but a lot of things that felt like they should have been so much more. It’s an enjoyable show and something I’d watch again down the line, but it felt like they were going for a stacked show and as it is, it’s just pretty good. Fix some of the bigger holes and it’s a great one, but I’ll take what I can get after a build that wasn’t their best work.

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Velocity
Date: December 17, 2005
Location: MassMutual Center, Springfield, Massachusetts
Commentators: Steve Romero, Josh Matthews

Now this is a special version as it contains only the matches with the recaps cut out. I’m not sure how that is going to go but Velocity was the low level show which did little more than give the Smackdown crew a little more time. This is likely going to have some interesting and unknown guest stars so that could be interesting. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Scotty 2 Hotty vs. William Regal

Regal has Paul Burchill with him. Scotty isn’t having the wristlock and hits a running shoulder to take Regal down. Regal isn’t sure what to do here so he shoves off a headlock but misses an uppercut, allowing Scotty to grab a rollup for two. Scotty hammers away in the corner and scores with a superkick. The Worm is loaded up but Burchill comes in for a distraction, allowing Regal to hit the running knee for the pin at 4:21.

Rating: D+. Not much to see here but Regal is always worth at least a glance. You can also always throw Scotty in there as a guy who can take a loss and not suffer any serious damage. At the end of the day though, all this did was make me want to see more of Burchill, who would soon become a pirate because WWE.

We see a good bit of Batista/Rey Mysterio winning the Tag Team Titles from MNM. So when the description says “MATCHES ONLY” Velocity, I didn’t think they meant old matches as well.

Jamie Noble vs. Tommaso Whitney

That would of course be Tommaso Ciampa under his real name (yes his first name is Tommaso). This is also Noble’s first match in over a year and he’s a lot more serious than the trailer park days. Noble takes him into the corner to start and chops away, setting up a legdrop for two. Some shots to the back set up choking on the ropes and a fireman’s carry gutbuster rocks Whitney again. A dragon sleeper makes Whitney tap at 2:27. Total squash.

Paul London/Brian Kendrick vs. Scotty Charisma/Arch Kincaid

Kendrick hammerlocks Charisma (what a family name) to start and hiptosses him into a slam for two. London comes in for a headlock and it’s already back to Kendrick to work on the arm. Charisma gets headbutted down in the corner and everything breaks down, with London and Kendrick cleaning house again.

A running flip neck snap on the mat keeps charisma in trouble and a running flip splash gives London two. It’s finally off to Kincaid for a hard clothesline and the chinlock goes on. That’s broken up in a hurry and Kendrick comes back in to run Kincaid over. Everything breaks down and a double superkick drops Charisma. An enziguri/Downward Spiral combination finishes Kincaid at 5:27.

Rating: C-. This could have been a lot worse but then again London and Kendrick are one of the better teams of their era. They were as crisp as you could get and everything they did worked well against anyone. This was little more than target practice for them as Kincaid and Charisma were more or less tackling dummies.

Doug Basham vs. Todd Hanson

Hanson is better known as Ivar and Basham is better known as Basham. They fight over a wristlock to start until Hanson is hiptossed down in a hurry. Back up and a shoulder gives Basham one but the bigger Hanson knocks him into the corner. You don’t do that to Basham as he works over Hanson’s arm and snaps off a suplex. We hit the armbar for all of three seconds before Basham just hits him in the shoulder a few times. Hanson’s sunset flip attempt is countered into a cross armbreaker to give Basham the win at 3:19.

Rating: C-. Nothing in the way of a competitive match but it was nice to see someone like Basham getting a chance. His career was destroyed by the S&M nonsense with Danny Basham and Shaniqua, but I’m sure it let someone work out one of their inner thoughts (and I use that term loosely). Who cares if it wasted the amount of time and money they had invested into Basham?

Orlando Jordan vs. Funaki

Jordan has Jillian Hall with him and is still part of JBL’s Cabinet. Funaki gets driven into the corner to start but his headlock (it’s devastating) gets him out of trouble. Then a swinging backbreaker puts him right back in trouble, but it did work for a few seconds. The bearhug (From Jordan?) goes on and after some forearms to the back, it goes on again. Funaki fights out again and manages to start a quick comeback, only to get caught in a swinging neckbreaker. A Backstabber finishes Funaki at 4:59.

Rating: D+. The only thing this did was remind me how completely useless Jordan really is. The guy had nothing that made me want to see him and that never changed no matter how many times he was in the ring. Funaki can only do so much and that was on full display here. Nothing match, and that’s some pretty high praise for a Jordan match.

Overall Rating: C-. I’m not sure how much more the additional ten minutes of recaps would have helped but the wrestling was what you would have expected. This was included because of the guest stars and that worked out well enough, but there is a reason that Velocity is such a nothing show that has almost no important history to it whatsoever.

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Summerslam 2005
Date: August 21, 2005
Location: MCI Center, Washington DC.
Attendance: 18,156
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Tazz, Michael Cole, Jonathan Coachman

It’s a big show here with a card that doesn’t quite live up to the hype. We have a huge main event between Hulk Hogan and Shawn Michaels, but after that it’s kind of a downgrade with Rey Mysterio vs. Eddie Guerrero with a kid (symbolically) above the ring. The World Title matches see John Cena defending against Chris Jericho and JBL challenging Batista in a No Holds Barred match. Maybe they can make it work though so let’s get to it.

Lilian Garcia sings the Star Spangled Banner.

The opening video looks at the big matches, which works a bit better. Granted that might be because it’s set to Remedy by Seether and I always liked that song. Shawn vs. Hogan gets its own section of the video, because nothing on this show comes close to it (fair enough).

US Title: Chris Benoit vs. Orlando Jordan

Jordan is defending and it’s a German suplex into the Crossface to make Benoit champion in 25 seconds. Now THAT is how you wake a crowd up while giving Jordan exactly what he deserved in Honky Tonk Man style.

Vickie Guerrero comes in to see Eddie and asks him to calm down. This isn’t about Dominic because it’s all about Eddie not being able to beat Rey. Eddie wants someone to carry on the Guerrero legacy and Vickie talks about him having a heart of gold. But there’s also an evil inside of him that won’t leave Rey alone. Eddie: “So now you don’t think I can beat Rey?” Eddie throws her out and reassures himself that he’ll win.

We recap Matt Hardy vs. Edge. Lita left Matt for Edge while Matt was hurt and then he was released. Matt invaded Raw a few times to get at Edge but then he was rehired and it was just Matt Hardy again. Tonight is the big fight.

Matt Hardy vs. Edge

Hardy runs to the ring and starts the fight on the floor as it feels like Matt wants to kill him. They get inside with Matt hammering away and a loud HARDY chant. Matt grabs a rear naked choke but Edge gets to the ropes and then back outside. Back in and Edge hits a headbutt to put Matt on the ropes as the fans are all over Lita.

A spear through the ropes puts them back on the floor but Matt hammers away with right hands to the head. More right hands in the corner have Edge in trouble so he drops Matt face first onto the post to knock him silly. Even Lita looks concerned as Matt is busted open. Matt can barely stand so Edge kicks him in the head….and the referee stops it.

Rating: D+. So yeah Matt comes back, gets in a few shots, and then gets busted open for a referee stoppage in five minutes. The first minute or so felt like a war but then it was little more than a hard hitting match with one big spot. This is the kind of thing that needed to go about eighteen minutes with both of them bleeding, but that would suggest that Matt was something important, rather than just a way to get Edge over. I can go with that as Matt is Matt and Edge has been a near main eventer for a long time now, but this was a major disappointment after the setup.

We recap Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio. Eddie can’t beat Rey and has been driven completely crazy over jealousy and his failures. Therefore, Eddie is going to try something else so he brought up that Rey’s son Dominic was really Eddie’s biological son. Eddie wanted Dominic, but a social worker said they had to settle this, so a ladder match was made instead.

Rey Mysterio vs. Eddie Guerrero

Tony Chimel: “The following contest is a ladder match for the custody of Dominic!” And that’s your most ridiculous ring introduction of all time. Dominic and the social worker are in the front row so Eddie goes over to them for a rather evil smile. Rey comes out and hugs Dominic so Eddie goes over and shakes the social worker’s hand. We’re ready to go and Eddie talks a lot of trash as they stare each other down to start.

Eddie gets in a cheap shot to knock Rey into the corner but Rey monkey flips him out to the floor. A whip sends Rey into the ladder though and he has to springboard in with a dropkick to knock Eddie off. Eddie goes to get another ladder so Rey dropkicks that one into his face, followed by a springboard seated senton to the floor. Back in and Eddie saves Rey’s climb with a sunset bomb but he can’t hold on, making it look rather messy. Eh to be fair that’s a pretty tricky spot.

Eddie hits him in the ribs and face with the ladder before sandwiching Rey between some ladders. The fans know what’s coming and are rather pleased with the slingshot hilo onto a ladder onto Rey onto another ladder. Rey gets up and uses a ladder to bridge his way up top to cut Eddie off, including a backdrop onto the bridged ladder. The crash bangs up Rey’s knee so he climbs rather slowly, allowing Eddie to dropkick the ladder out and hurt the knee even more.

Eddie reverse powerbombs him ribs first into the ladder on the top rope and there’s that evil smile again. That’s enough for another climb but Dominic comes in to shake the ladder. That just annoys Eddie so he yells at Dominic and demands a hug. Eddie: “I’m your new daddy now!” Eddie goes to hit him but Rey makes the save as Dominic is back with the social worker who let him jump the barricade and interfere in a violent match.

Rey sends him into a ladder and then 619s said ladder into Eddie’s face, only to hurt the knee again. The knee is ok enough to Drop The Dime onto a ladder onto Eddie and then load up the ladder again. Eddie climbs up the same side for an electric chair but Rey shows him how to do the sunset bomb for the huge crash. Rey goes up again and grabs the case but Eddie kicks the ladder out and pulls Rey down into a big spinebuster.

With Rey pinned under the ladder, Eddie goes up but stops to talk a lot of trash. He can’t unhook the thing anyway, allowing Rey to wiggle free and kick the ladder over. Apparently Vickie was supposed to run in there and missed the cue, explaining why Eddie couldn’t understand how a hook worked. Eddie is back up with Three Amigos, including the third onto the ladder. That means another climb but this time Vickie comes out for the save as she shoves the ladder over. Vickie pulls Eddie back so Rey can climb p and win.

Rating: B. It’s rather good with some big crashes, but the Vickie/Dominic stuff was too much and brought the match down. Rey vs. Eddie is something you can watch all day, especially if Eddie is all evil, but they could have come up with something better than a ladder match for custody papers. It was too far and became dumb rather than dramatic, which defeats a lot of the purpose.

Post match Vickie is relieved and Rey hits Eddie with a briefcase for a bonus.

Chris Jericho doesn’t like John Cena’s theme music and promises to make him as forgettable as the New Kids On The Block. He beat the Rock and Steve Austin on the same night and Cena isn’t on their level.

Eugene vs. Kurt Angle

For Eugene’s (Or Angle’s?) Gold Medal with no time limit and Christy Hemme is here with Eugene. Angle goes off on him to start and stomps Eugene down into the corner. Eugene comes back with a Faarooq spinebuster but Angle breaks up the People’s Elbow attempt with a hard clothesline. The fans are very pleased with this as they don’t seem all that into Eugene here.

Angle rolls the German suplexes for two and the fans are happy again. Eugene gets sent into the buckle a few times so the comeback is on, including a Rock Bottom for two. The Stunner gets the same and Eugene takes down the non-existent straps. Angle reverses the ankle lock by rolling him into the corner though and it’s the Angle Slam into the ankle lock for the win.

Rating: D. This could have been on Raw as Eugene was completely overwhelmed. The charm is long past gone now and it’s just Eugene doing Austin and Rock moves with almost nothing in between. It was just a squash anyway as Eugene is treated like the glorified jobber that he is. Angle needs to move on to something else and Eugene needs to become something else entirely.

Post match Angle stands on a chair so he can be awarded the medal again.

The Divas, in swimsuits, wash a limo with the Presidential seal on the door. The window goes down to reveal Vince McMahon. Vince: “Hey, why not?” There’s a McMahon For President bumper sticker on the limo for a bonus.

Undertaker vs. Randy Orton

Rematch from Wrestlemania because Orton isn’t happy with his loss. It’s weird to see Undertaker come out first. Orton bails to the floor to start so Undertaker takes a second before shoving him down. A slap gets in Orton’s head a bit but he’s back up to dodge some right hands. Undertaker grabs a headlock (that’s a rare one) but Orton is right back with a hiptoss into a clothesline. That just earns him a big boot to the face and Orton is stunned in a hurry.

Undertaker goes technical with a keylock into Old School but Orton somehow understands what it means when Undertaker stands on the top while holding an arm. Old School is broken up with an armdrag back down but Undertaker LAUNCHES him into the corner to hammer away. The big boot and jumping clothesline give Undertaker two but the big boot in the corner only hits….well corner really and Orton grabs a DDT for his own two with Undertaker putting a foot across the rope.

Flashing back to his Evolution days, Orton cannonballs down onto the leg and then wraps it around the post. The leglock goes on so Undertaker punches his way to freedom, only to earn a knee drop to the ribs. Undertaker limps into the powerslam for two and it’s time to go to Texas with a spinning toehold.

That’s broken up as well and Undertaker starts kicking at Orton’s knee, earning a one off BORING chant. That doesn’t last long either as Orton is right back to the knee as the slow pace continues. Undertaker kicks him out to the floor for a ram into the steps and the apron legdrop as this isn’t exactly hitting a high gear. Old School connects back inside and it’s the Downward Spiral to Orton, who is right back with a dropkick for the double knockdown.

The RKO is blocked so they fight over a Tombstone until Orton gets two off the backbreaker. Orton goes up but Undertaker rolls through the high crossbody and grabs him by the throat. The chokeslam connects but a “fan” comes in. The distraction lets Orton hit the RKO for the fast pin.

Rating: C+. It was a struggle to get this high as there was no sense of urgency or any time until the end where either of them seemed close to going to a finish. At least the Wrestlemania match had an awesome near fall of the RKO but this was a bunch of leg work until they got to the finish. It could have worked if they had gone to a better ending but this never got into a higher gear.

And it’s Cowboy Bob Orton. You can book the rubber match already.

Some members of the Republican National Committee are here.

We recap Chris Jericho vs. John Cena. They’ve been having issues since Cena made his Raw debut on the Highlight Reel. Then they got in an argument over who was the bigger rock star, which turned into Cena’s Steve Austin vs. Eric Bischoff’s Vince McMahon with Jericho and Carlito as the chief lackeys. The former story was better but why do that when you can do the same thing you’ve done so many times before?

Bischoff wishes Jericho’s luck.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Chris Jericho

Cena is defending. They go nose to nose to start and a lockup doesn’t go anywhere. Jericho’s headlock is just as ineffective but he grabs a suplex to take over. There’s the spinwheel kick to drop Cena again but the springboard crossbody only lands on the floor. Back in and Cena hammers away, only to charge into a dropkick in the corner. A suplex gives Jericho two and a basement dropkick to the headsets up the chinlock.

They go outside with Jericho choking away with a cord but Cena is back with right hands. This isn’t exactly blowing the roof off the place so far. The big flying shoulder misses though and Jericho hits the running bulldog. Jericho has to bail out of the Lionsault so he tries the Walls, which is kicked out to the floor in a hurry. Cena drops the middle rope Fameasser over the ropes for two on the way back in but the FU is countered into a DDT for two. It’s time to start in on the back with a backbreaker and some elbows as the fans are loudly split.

The running crotch attack to the back only hits ropes though and they’re both down again. Cena is back up with that hard clothesline into the ProtoBomb. The Shuffle is countered into the Walls in the middle though, sending Cena on the long crawl to the ropes. Jericho pulls him back in but Cena makes the rope on the second attempt to a rather loud reaction. Cena’s back is good enough to try a super AA but Jericho slips out and grabs another suplex for another two. An argument with the referee lets Cena grab the FU to retain.

Rating: B. This took some time to get going but they drew the crowd into it and it turned into a heck of a match by the end. Cena is showing some signs of brilliance in these big matches and Jericho has more than shown that he can hang with anyone so this was a benefit to both of them. Good match here as Cena is becoming a bigger and bigger star every single week.

We recap JBL vs. Batista (hometown boy) for the Smackdown World Title. JBL beat him by DQ last month so now it’s No Holds Barred. Not much more to it than that as JBL isn’t quite the believable challenger.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Batista is defending and it’s No Holds Barred. We get the JBL dollars raining from the ceiling during JBL’s entrance. The fight starts at the entrance with Batista ramming him into various things. A fire extinguisher into the face drops Batista though and JBL punches him around the barricade, only to have Batista spear him through said barricade.

They get inside for the first time with JBL kicking him in the head, followed by some whipping with a belt. Back up and Batista charges into a boot in the corner, setting up the Clothesline From JBL for two. JBL slides in the steps and this isn’t going to end well. The powerbomb off the steps is countered into a backdrop off of them and Batista hits the spinebuster. There’s the Batista Bomb but Batista doesn’t cover. Another Batista Bomb onto the steps retains the title.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t much but it was way better than their previous match as it didn’t go on forever, though the stipulation wasn’t exactly used. They went with the definitive ending here as Batista completely beat him, which is all it should have been. JBL was never a threat to Batista and now they can both move on to something else, with both of them going in the proper direction.

We recap Shawn Michaels vs. Hulk Hogan. They teamed a handful of times and then Shawn superkicked him on the Fourth of July. Shawn said he had to know and the match was made. Everything went spiraling out of control after that though, with Shawn turning it into a weird near shoot on Hogan’s career while Hogan just referenced Bret Hart and screwjobs a few times. Shawn has carried this feud on his back and it’s going to be interesting to see how they get to the big boot and legdrop.

Hulk Hogan vs. Shawn Michaels

Hogan has the big flag out for the entrance. It’s a long staredown to start before Hogan shoves him away and shows off the biceps. Hogan shoves him down a few more times and Shawn is already frustrated. A headlock works a bit better for Shawn until a shoulder sends him into a backflip through the ropes as the overselling is already strong. Back in and Shawn knees him in the ribs but gets put on top so Hogan can kick him in the ribs.

Shawn bounces as high into the air as he can for a crotching, before a ram into the buckle gives us a bump that Mr. Perfect would think is too much. A clothesline puts Shawn on the floor where he rolls backwards again, gets up and falls back down. Shawn manages a kick to the face though and starts chopping away in the corner. The slap to the face does not go well so Shawn does it again before chopping even more. A third slap earns Shawn a right hand out to the floor but they both get posted with Hogan staggering around a lot.

Shawn posts him again but still can’t put Hogan down so it’s time for some left hands to the head. Some right hands in the corner get Shawn shoved down again (make it twice), only to have him finally punch Hogan down (you don’t see that too often). Hogan is finally busted open and Shawn grabs the sleeper to follow the Randy Savage formula from Wrestlemania V. Shawn’s arm is covered in blood as Hogan suplexes his way to freedom.

The forearm into the nipup lets Shawn drop the elbow (OH YEAH indeed) but this one misses (leave it to Savage kid). Hogan slugs away but Shawn tries another forearm, which takes out the referee. The fans want Bret (fair enough after the promos building this up) but Shawn is up first and heads to the top, only to come back down for a terrible Sharpshooter (even Rock’s is better than that).

Another referee comes in and Hogan very slowly makes it to the rope. Hogan kicks him into the second referee and everyone is down again. A low blow drops Hogan and a chair to the head finally lets Shawn hit the elbow. Sweet Chin Music connects for two but Hogan kicks out, Hulks Up, punches away and finishes with the big boot and legdrop. So that’s how they got there.

Rating: B-. The match was a weird one (YOU THINK?) as Shawn was doing his over the top selling and turning it into a joke at first but then it settled into a match with a pretty simple formula that hit the high points but didn’t exactly break the mold. Hogan was the definitive winner here and Shawn hit everything he could without being able to finish Hogan off. I liked it well enough and it’s certainly a dream match, but it’s two matches in one and that’s a little distracting.

Post match Hogan poses but Shawn stops him to make everything nice. Shawn says he had to know and, as usual, wrestlers are rather forgiving about the whole situation. It’s more posing to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This show was all over the place with some good wrestling and action but a lot of things that felt like they should have been so much more. It’s an enjoyable show and something I’d watch again down the line, but it felt like they were going for a stacked show and as it is, it’s just pretty good. Fix some of the bigger holes and it’s a great one, but I’ll take what I can get after a build that wasn’t their best work.

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Zombies Shouldn’t Run
Date: August 6, 2005
Location: Hollywood Los Feliz JCC, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 300
Commentators: Disco Machine, Excalibur

It’s back to PWG as I continue my efforts to go through my pile of downloaded shows. This is a show from a rather long time ago but you are probably going to know a lot of the people on this show. That can make these shows that much more fun as I have no idea what to expect here. Let’s get to it.

Keep in mind that I know very little about the promotion so I’m sorry for missing any plot or character details.

Note that the DVD release has commentary but this is a digital download and unless I’m missing something really obvious, the commentary track is not available here.

We open with Hardkore Kidd (better known as Carlito’s enforcer Jesus in 2004) and his manager El Jefe in the ring for a chat. Kidd is glad to be back after a year away and welcomes us to Pro Wrestling Orangutan. Kidd reminds us that he is his hero, which it even says on his business card. He wants to face anyone tonight, even a tag team. Jefe tries to count it down in Spanish but can’t quite make that work. We’re clipped to someone answering his challenge and the match starting, possibly because of a music issue.

TJ Perkins vs. Hardkore Kidd

El Jefe is here with Kidd and Perkins hits a missile dropkick to start fast as we get the opening bell. A hurricanrana gets Perkins out of a powerbomb and he lays in the ropes, as is his custom. There’s the big suicide dive to the floor as Perkins already has a bloody nose. Back in and Perkins hits a top rope hurricanrana but gets caught with a gutbuster to put him in trouble. A Jeff Hardy double legdrop gives Kidd two and a top rope headbutt low blow has Perkins hurt in a different way.

The fans inquire about their pizza as this is suddenly an FBI match in ECW. Perkins is back up to put him in the Tree of Woe for a running basement dropkick. Kidd pounds him right back into the ropes, where Jefe gets in some choking like a good boss. There’s a side slam for two on Perkins but he kicks Jefe down and hits an inverted Swanton for two of his own. A rather complicated leglock has Kidd in trouble, only to have him reverse into a double arm crank.

With that let go, Kidd hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker as he seems to focus on the back more than anything else. Perkins gets out and sends him to the floor for a baseball slide into the chairs but Kidd is right back up. A Jefe cheap shot gives Kidd two back inside and it’s time to slap/chop it out. Kidd misses a charge into the corner and Perkins hits a heck of a springboard tornado DDT. A top rope hurricanrana is countered into a sitout powerbomb to give Kidd two but another slingshot headbutt it cut off by Perkins’ raised boots. Perkins adds a 450 for the pin at 10:46.

Rating: C. This was a rather indy match as it felt like one guy can do a move and then the other would shrug it off and do one of his own. That doesn’t make for the best match but they did get somewhere with Kidd working over the back most of the time. Perkins would get a lot better, though you could still feel a lot of the inexperience and indy style on him here.

Rocky Romero vs. Davey Richards

We get Big Match Intros and Romero is incorrectly identified as Ricky Reyes (another wrestler). You know that gets a YOU F***** UP chant, followed by a RICKY chant. Neither can hit a big kick to the head to start so they trade arm control instead. Romero gets the better of it but gets reversed into a cravate, which feels rather appropriate for a show like this.

We hit the test of strength, with Richards taking him down and the fans shouting MERCY. The grappling continues with Richards getting the better of things off of some headbutts. That doesn’t do much to Romero, who is right back with an anklescissors to slow Richards down a bit. Richards breaks that up and ties their legs together, setting up a rip at the face. Back up and they get a bit more serious (yes in a Davey Richards match), with Romero taking him down and kicking him between the shoulders.

The surfboard goes on for a bit, only to have Richards come back with a snap suplex. Richards grabs the chinlock but since that’s a bit boring, it’s another kick for another two. Another chinlock, this time with a knee in Romero’s back, doesn’t last long either as Romero is up and kicking away again. They do the big serious strike off with Romero getting the better of things but collapsing as well.

Romero hits running double knees off the apron to drop him again, setting up the slap off back inside. Something like an Octopus hold has Richards in trouble but he grabs the rope without much effort. That earns him a running kick to the chest and they’re both down again. Richards’ cross armbreaker sends Romero over to the ropes and it’s another double breather. A quick rollup gives Romero two and a hurricanrana is good for the same.

Richards is back with a tiger suplex for two more and, say it with me, they’re down again. Romero gets snapped down into a Fujiwara armbar but rolls his way to freedom. That’s fine with Richards so he’s right back with the Fujiwara, sending Romero straight back to the ropes. Back up and Romero grabs a guillotine choke, which is countered with kind of a suplex. The guillotine goes on again and Richards is count at 18:39.

Rating: B. It was definitely a match with the two of them working each other over until one of them was done, though they took their time getting there. At the same time, it felt like they were draining each others’ energy bars, which tends to be the case in a match like this. The good thing is that they did pull me into the struggle and that is the point of something like this. Hard hitting match, but very much the indy style if that makes sense.

Here are Excalibur, Ronin and Disco Machine for a chat. They are here because they are starts and want Kevin Steen to win the PWG World Title tonight. Steen is so focused on his match that it is time to bring in some extra help, which is apparently Ronin (or Hello Kitty according to the fans). On top of that, their scheduled opponents, Los Luchas, aren’t here tonight so cue So Cal Val to introduce their new opponents.

Ronin/Excalibur/Disco Machine vs. Gunning For Exciting Hookers

That would be Gunning For Hookers (Top Gun Talwar/Hook Bomberry) and Mr. Excitement. Before the match, Talwar takes off his thong (over his singlet) and throws it to the crowd. Talwar beats Hook in a game of Rock Paper Scissors to earn the right to start and seems to make various sexual gestures. For some reason Hook starts with Ronin instead, showing that Rock Paper Scissors is worthless around here (bunch of crazy people).

Hook takes Ronin into the corner and then takes him down as this is one sided so far. Back up and Ronin drives him into the corner for a heck of a chop, only to charge into some raised boots. That’s enough for Ronin to bail to the corner and it’s off to Talwar vs. Disco. The test of strength is teased but Disco seems worried about the Dangah Zone (as it says on Talwar’s singlet). The test doesn’t last long as Disco’s head winds up on Talwar’s chest, which shoves him away.

An exchange of headlocks doesn’t go anywhere so Disco takes him down into a rollup for two. Excalibur and Excitement come in for the third singles section of the match and they start with the forearm off. A spear down sets up some right hands to keep Excitement down so Talwar dives in for the save. Excalibur is sent outside and into a wall but is sine enough to send Excitement into it as well.

Something like a World’s Strongest Slam on the floor plants Excitement as Ronin beats up Talwar inside. Disco comes in for his gyrations (like a guy named Disco isn’t going to gyrate) before it’s back to Ronin for two off a snap suplex. We hit the reverse chinlock for a bit before Disco can come in for a kneeling cover. Ronin (draped in the HELLO KITTY chants) elbow Talwar but Hook comes in (sans tag) with a missile dropkick to put Ronin down.

The hot tag brings in Hook, who comes in with Excitement to start cleaning house. Everything breaks down until Hook starts hammering on Disco. Excalibur comes back in to German suplex Hook so it’s Excitement coming in to throw some (exciting) suplexes of his own. Excitement and Ronin slug it out with the latter getting the better of things, meaning Talwar has to make another save. Talwar powerbombs Ronin (prompting an exchange of swears) for two more before Disco chokebreakers Talwar for the pin at 16:41.

Rating: C. This was more long than it was good and that is not the best way to go. You can only get so much out of six people doing pretty basic stuff to each other until the ending and that was the case here. There were a few good enough moments, but I never got into it as Excalibur and Ronin (along with Hook) are just people with names and nothing but their clothes to make them stand out.

Post match Excalibur says Ronin proved himself and might be able to join the team. Excalibur is so impressed that he will NEVER call him Hello Kitty again.

Claudio Castagnoli vs. Joey Ryan

Ryan looks rather young and is billed as the Technical Wizard. On the other hand, Castagnoli is still a rich guy with hair and sideburns. Castagnoli takes him down without much trouble and grabs a headlock but Ryan switches into a wristlock. They fight over control of said wristlock before trading cravates with Castagnoli getting the better of things. Some rolling arm cranking has Ryan in trouble and Castagnoli spins around to work on the arm even more.

A rather delayed suplex (the fans eventually stop counting) drops Ryan again as this is one sided so far. Ryan finally gets in a shot of his own and chokes on the rope, setting up a suplex for two. More choking on the rope ensues and Ryan hits a neckbreaker onto the knee. A dropkick mostly connects to give Ryan two but a tornado DDT is countered into a pop up uppercut. The slugout goes to Castagnoli and he sends Ryan outside, setting up a running uppercut.

Back in and a top rope uppercut gives Castagnoli two but the Riccola Bomb is countered into a crossface chickenwing. Some rolling German suplexes into a fisherman’s suplex gives Ryan two and he’s a bit stunned at the kickout. Castagnoli is back with something like a reverse TKO but gets caught on top, with Ryan hitting a super swinging neckbreaker for two. Back up and some big uppercuts put Ryan on the floor, with Castagnoli shoving the referee away like a schnook. Ryan throws the powder in his eyes and it’s the crossface chickenwing for the tag at 14:16.

Rating: C+. The match was ok, but at the end of the day, Ryan just isn’t very good in the ring. I know the technical wizard thing seemed to be more of an evil joke but this was just another Ryan match: he can do the basics well enough, but there is nothing to him that makes me want to see anything he does. Castagnoli is very good as usual, though he didn’t have much to work with here.

Christopher Daniels vs. Chris Hero

Daniels is TNA X-Division Champion but this is non-title. Before the match, Daniels says he has just about had it with this company, because they are taking him for granted. Why isn’t HE getting a Heavyweight Title shot? Every month he comes into this oven that pretends to be an arena and face people like El Generico. Who is next? Davey Richards? Hook Bomberry? Daniels even remembers beating Hero before, so why are we doing this again?

Actually, what has anyone done to deserve a title shot? The free shots end right now, meaning this title isn’t on the line until someone shows they are worthy of his title. Hero grabs the mic and says excuse me Mr. Overpronounciation. He’s fine with proving himself here in a non-title match, as long as he gets a title shot once he wins here. Hero brags about his 93 minute match and promises to win here before winning the title next time.

We finally get to the bell and the fans seem rather split to start. Daniels hits the stall button and goes to stretch in the corner, as the fans aren’t as pleased with him as they just were. Daniels: “ARE YOU AGAINST STRETCHING??? Do you want me to pull a hamstring???” Hero stretches and the referee asks him if he’s ready. Hero: “What would you do if I said no?” An early (as in two minutes in) armdrag takes Daniels down, with a fan telling Hero to watch the hair.

More armdrags have Daniels frustrated and it’s time for another standoff. Three more armdrags send Daniels bailing out to the floor as they’re doing a nice job of building so far. Back in and Hero cravates him down into a wristlock, sending Daniels over to the ropes. A hair pull gets Daniels out of another wristlock so Hero tops it with a top wristlock instead. Again that means a shout of a hair pull from Daniels, which actually has the referee admonishing Hero.

This time it’s Daniels trying an armdrag but getting countered into a cravate instead. Some cradles give Hero two each and we’re right back to the armbar. Hero tosses him over the top and out to the floor in a big crash, setting up a slightly bigger dive. Back in and Hero changes things up a bit with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker, only to get neckbreakered across the top to put Daniels in control for the first time.

A basement dropkick gives Daniels two and an elbow to the face gets one, making me wonder how absorbing punishment works around here. Back up and Hero hits a quick dropkick, only to get taken down by a neckbreaker. Frustration is starting to set in so Daniels grabs a chinlock to blow some off. With that not working, Daniels grabs a Crossface, again sending hero over to the ropes.

Speaking of the ropes, Daniels puts him on top, only to get shoved down. Hero nails the top rope dropkick and they’re both down for a needed breather. The comeback is on with Hero striking away and snapping off a powerslam for two. Daniels is right back up with a Death Valley Driver but Hero gets his foot on the rope….which Daniels shoves away so the referee counts the pin at 18:56.

Rating: B. I wasn’t wild on the ending, but it does open up the door for a rematch while keeping Hero looking strong. This took its time and was telling a story of Daniels trying to break Hero down but not being able to finish him while Hero took his time and kept amping up his offense throughout. I dug this one and you can see what people liked about Hero so much here.

Super Dragon vs. Quicksilver

Dragon takes him down and starts working on the leg, which is broken up rather quickly. That’s fine with Dragon, who takes it to the mat to pull on the neck and leg at the same time. They go to the exchange of front facelocks until Dragon gets back to the leg. Quicksilver’s arm crank is countered into Dragon kicking him in the head as this is pretty one sided so far. A headlock takeover drops Quicksilver again, giving them a not exactly well earned round of applause.

Quicksilver gets a headscissors as this is a rather slow technical off to start. Back up and Dragon is sent to the floor for a huge dive, leaving fans wondering if the two of them would like Cheetos. They get back inside (Dragon and Quicksilver, not the fans) with Quicksilver knocking Dragon down for two and then seeming to slowly kick dirt on him.

Something like a Phenomenal Forearm is slapped out of the air and Dragon strikes away in the corner. Quicksilver is sent outside for a beating from Dragon, including a rather hard posting. Back in and a figure four necklock keeps Quicksilver in trouble but he manages to lose a slugout. Dragon starts cranking on the leg before switching to a full nelson with the legs. After cranking away, Dragon sends him outside again, only to follow him with a headlock instead of a dive.

Back in and Dragon stands on Quicksilver’s crotch in the Tree of Woe, followed by a not so great Figure Four. A grab of the rope breaks that up and Quicksilver gets in a shot of his own for the double knockdown (they like those around here), setting up a falling forward cutter for two on Dragon. The springboard clothesline gets the same as the comeback is at full speed. Quicksilver puts Dragon on top but gets shoved down, setting up a heck of a top rope backsplash for two.

A tiger suplex gets the same and it’s another double knockdown. This time it’s Quicksilver sending him into the middle buckle and a headscissors driver out of the corner (that looked nasty) for a rather near fall as this keeps going. With nothing else working, Quicksilver takes him to the apron for a top rope sunset bomb out to the floor, leaving them both down again.

Dragon is out so Quicksilver slaps him a few times and takes it back inside…for two. They fight up top with Quicksilver grabbing a Black Widow up there, which is reversed into a heck of a super backbreaker for another near fall as this is getting a good bit ridiculous. A Razor’s Edge flipped down into a piledriver is finally enough to finish Quicksilver at 24:41.

Rating: B-. I really, really could have gone for the commentary here as it felt like a match with a big story behind it. This felt like two people who hated each other getting their chance to beat the fire out of each other. It only worked to a certain degree as the match went too long and the kickouts were pretty ridiculous by the end. I got the emotion, but the details (which were probably recorded on a track I can’t get) would have helped it a lot.

Here is So Cal Val, apparently the commissioner, who says we need a co-commissioner around here to deal with Joey Ryan. This brings out Dino Winwood (a large man in a white coat whose name I had to find elsewhere as his entrance, and name, are cut off), but here is Ryan to lay him out. The piledriver is broken up though and Winwood hits a Death Valley Driver. Winwood promises to not be your normal commissioner and poses with Val.

Tag Team Titles: Arrogance vs. Two Skinny Black Guys

That would be Chris Bosh/Scott Lost vs. El Generico/Human Tornado and the titles are vacant coming in. Before the match, Arrogance seems to hold a raffle for some boots, won by a rather large fan. With that out of the way, Bosh explains that Lost lost the Tag Team Titles last month because a certain woman wore him out. Tornado and Generico are given the chance to walk away now but then get jumped to start fast.

Stereo dropkicks put Arrogance on the floor, allowing Generico to tease a dive before landing back inside. We officially start with Generico armdragging Lost a few times, with the third going into an armbar. Tornado comes in for a hurricanrana into the corner and an enziguri connects for two. It’s already back to Generico, who gets to chop Bosh for a change. The diez punches in the corner look to set up the Helluva Kick but Bosh gets a fist up for a well placed low blow.

A dancing fist drop lets Lost come back in and grab a chinlock, followed by Bosh grabbing one of his own. Generico punches back up but Lost trips him from the floor before that can get anywhere. In case that wasn’t enough, Bosh whips Generico through the chairs and rams his head into the wall over and over. Then he breaks the count and does it again for a bonus. Back in and Lost misses a heck of a charge into the post, allowing Bosh to miss a charge so Tornado can get the hot tag.

A bigger than expected Pounce drops Lost and Generico adds a moonsault as Lost is caught in the ropes. There’s the big dive to take Bosh down again and Tornado adds a heck of a dive of his own. Back up and Generico gets posted, leaving Tornado to hit a reverse DDT onto the knee to drop Bosh. Tornado dives into a backbreaker though and Lost comes off the top…with an umbrella for an elbow drop.

Lost grabs a double Sharpshooter of all things, which is kicked away due to reasons of that can’t last long. Generico and Bosh go up, with Generico backflipping out of a superbomb and hitting the Helluva Kick. Lost blocks the tornado DDT though and it’s a northern lights suplex into a backbreaker for two more, with Tornado making the save this time. One heck of an implant DDT drops Lost but Bosh makes another save. Generico suplexes Bosh into a sitout powerbomb and everyone is down again. Back up and Tornado suplexes Lost, setting up the brainbuster to give Generico the pin and the titles at 16:47.

Rating: B. This did a better job of building things up, though the ending could have been better. What mattered here was having Generico and Tornado hang in there against the more established team and come away with the titles anyway, which told a nice story. It’s no classic, but Generico and Tornado should make for some fun champions.

PWG World Title: AJ Styles vs. Kevin Steen

Styles is defending and Steen is better known as Kevin Owens. Steen wastes no time in hammering away to start and the trash talk is on in a hurry. Some slow kicks take too long though and Styles knocks him to the floor for the big dive. Styles forearms away on the floor, setting up the drop down into the dropkick back inside. Steen has to fight out of a chinlock, meaning Styles reverses it into a headlock for a change.

A Muta Lock makes it even worse for Steen before it’s off to a regular leglock. Back up and Steen cuts him off in the corner, setting up a quick choke on the ropes. Steen hammers on the back in a variety of ways before getting back to the choking. A neckbreaker gets two but Styles nips up into a hurricanrana. That just means a drop toehold from Steen, setting up the running flip legdrop.

The fans get into a MR. WRESTLING (Steen’s nickname)/IS OVERRATED dueling chant as Steen chokes in the corner again. Styles manages a springboard moonsault into the reverse DDT and it’s time to chop it out on the floor. Back in and a belly to back suplex gets two on Steen, who is right back with something like a Samoan drop.

This time it’s Styles grabbing a neckbreaker for two more before going up top, but Steen pulls the referee onto him to bock a 450. Steen is back with a fireman’s carry gutbuster into a moonsault for two but Styles Peles him on top. The Styles Clash is loaded up, only to have Steen reverse into a cradle with a grab of the rope for the pin and the title at 19:00.

Rating: B. Another good one here, though the ending felt a bit rushed this time. The good thing is Styles could get a solid match out of anyone, with Steen being more than capable of doing the same. The title change felt big, as Steen cheating to get the title is the right way to go for him. Styles is on to bigger and better things in TNA so letting Steen get the nice rub here is as good of a way as you can go. Nice main event, though I don’t know if it was bigger than the rest of the card, which isn’t a good feeling.

The show ends less than ten seconds after the bell.

Overall Rating: B+. This took some time to get going but the solid action in the bigger matches was more than enough to carry things. You can tell that the promotion is still at the point where it is getting hot and there are already things going on to make it feel important. It’s definitely giving off more of a fun vibe and while commentary would have helped, I got enough of the idea to have some fun here. Good show, and I’m glad I have a large stack of the DVDs/downloads to go through.

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Wrestlemania XXI
Date: April 3, 2005
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 20,193
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the big one as things have to change at some point in WWE. I’m curious to see how this show goes as I haven’t seen the television leading up to it since the show aired so maybe the show will feel a little bit different. The theme is Wrestlemania Goes Hollywood, which has included some outstanding movie parody trailers. Oh and Batista and John Cena look more than ready to become the top stars in the company. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Battle Royal

Tajiri, William Regal, Rhino, Hurricane, Rosey, Maven, Simon Dean, Gene Snitsky, Chris Masters, Val Venis, Tyson Tomko, Sylvain Grenier, Rob Conway, Viscera, Hardcore Holly, Charlie Haas, Nunzio, Billy Kidman, Mark Jindrak, Funaki, Akio, Orlando Jordan, Doug Basham, Danny Basham, Heidenreich, Luther Reigns, Booker T.. Paul London, Spike Dudley, Scotty 2 Hotty

This is your “get them all on the show” match, which was likely just the DVD extra. They’re all in their show colored shirts with Eric Bischoff and Theodore Long at ringside. Before the bell, Hurricane gives Heidenreich his own mask so Heidenreich punches him in the face. Must be a villain. The fighting starts with Spike being sent to the steps as Hurricane makes the mistake of hammering away in the corner, making him the first elimination.

Reigns is out next as the ring is still very full. A bunch of the cruiserweights hold Viscera down so Scotty can hit the Worm. That high level of missing the point could explain why they don’t get on television very often. Masters doesn’t like that line of thinking and dumps Scotty, Funaki, Spike and Kidman in a hurry. Haas is tossed as well as the ring is clearing out a bit.

Masters dumps Nunzio, though it might not have been over the top. With nothing else to do, Heidenreich destroys a turnbuckle and tears off his mask before clotheslining the heck out of Venis for an elimination. Dean and Grenier are out as well, followed by Rosey, all at Heidenreich’s hands. Rhyno is out next and it’s Dupree following him in a hurry. Both Bashams go out as the fans are behind Regal.

With about twelve people left, we get the always natural looking Raw vs. Smackdown showdown with Akio and Holly being tossed, followed by Regal to even things up a bit. Tajiri mists Heidenreich so the blind monster gets rid of London. Heidenreich and Tajiri fight on the apron until Snitsky gets rid of them, leaving us with Jindrak, Booker, Masters, Snitsky and Viscera.

Jindrak gets rid of Snitsky and hits the big left on Viscera….which staggers Jindrak so much that Masters can get rid of him. Nunzio does the “I’M STILL IN” deal, only to be tossed seconds later. Viscera crushes Booker in the corner but he’s fine enough to low bridge the monster to the floor. The full nelson is broken up and a superkick gives Booker the win.

Rating: D+. It’s kind of hard to get too annoyed at a match like this as the whole point is getting people on the show and therefore onto the DVD, which is a nice bonus for the talent. I know this isn’t the most important match but it came and went fast enough and wasn’t terrible. Assuming you can ignore the RAH RAH RAH Raw vs. Smackdown aspect, it’s nothing too bad.

Lilian Garcia sings America the Beautiful. She’ll have a job in WWE as long as she wants one for how good she can make that sound.

The Titantron is revealed with the red curtain coming up. They’re nailing the theme this year.

We get a montage of the trailers, leading to the big reveal of the final trailer: Gladiator, featuring Steve Austin as Maximus. It’s a cool idea and suitable casting but there were better trailers.

It’s strange to see Wrestlemania in an arena. That’s one of those things you’ll probably never see again.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio

Not a bad way to start and the red carpet in the aisle makes it even better. They’re the Smackdown Tag Team Champions but Eddie isn’t sure if he can beat Rey. There’s no superhero outfit this year as Rey has Mexican/American flag inspired gear. Rey flips out of an armbar to start and hits a running knee but has to adjust the mask. A second armbar works a bit better for Eddie and but Rey pops up and climbs onto Eddie’s shoulders.

The sunset flip is countered into a catapult to the floor but Rey switches places and teases a dive to take us to an early standoff. Eddie takes him down into a keylock to stay on the arm before sending Rey outside. Since he’s a luchador as well, Eddie busts out his own dive to the floor, with the fans rather pleased with him. Rey adjust his mask again, as he isn’t wearing the regular kind and the clasp is different, causing a lot of issues.

Back in and Eddie stays on the arm (instead of the leg because Eddie is smart, since working on Mysterio’s leg hasn’t worked well for most people) before switching over to a surfboard. That’s broken up so Rey armdrags him to the floor, meaning the big corkscrew flip dive can take Eddie down. A backbreaker gives Eddie two though as Rey can’t keep the momentum going. Rey gets back up and tries the 619 but walks into another backbreaker for two, allowing Rey to fix the mask again.

Three Amigos connect, with Rey holding his mask the whole time. The extra vision lets Rey avoid the frog splash and now the 619 connects. The West Cost Pop is countered into a hard powerbomb for two as they go back to the back. Eddie tries another powerbomb but this time Rey reverses into a hurricanrana for the pin and one final mask adjustment.

Rating: B-. I don’t know how much the mask stuff messed with Rey but it seemed to be causing at least a bit of a problem. He had to mess with that thing probably a dozen times in a twelve minute match and it was becoming really noticeable. The idea here is to continue Eddie’s descent into jealousy over not being able to beat Mysterio and that could be a heck of a story.

JBL and the Cabinet meets Evolution. HHH says Ric Flair is the wrestling god and maybe one day someone will believe that JBL is that good. A staredown over belt importance and a WOO to Orlando Jordan ends a terrifying prospect. Somehow, JBL and HHH only had one singles match ever against each other and it was on a random Raw in 2008. You would think they would have met at least a handful of times.

Adam Sandler and Rob Schneider are here.

Edge vs. Christian vs. Chris Jericho vs. Kane vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Chris Benoit

Money in the Bank with Tyson Tomko out with Kane. Kane gets a cool entrance where the ladders on the set are on fire. Almost everyone goes after Kane in the aisle and a variety of double teams take him down. Christian tries to use the melee to bring in a ladder but Jericho slams it into his face. A springboard dropkick sends Edge into Benoit to knock them both off the apron, followed by Jericho’s dive onto Edge.

Shelton hits the big running flip dive onto a bunch of people, with Kane adding the top rope clothesline to take down the same pile plus Benjamin for the wipe out. Back in and Jericho dropkicks a ladder into Kane but Benoit German suplexes Jericho, sending the ladder flying in a cool shot. Benoit’s climb is cut off so he Crossfaces Kane and then Edge, the latter of which allows Kane to hit Benoit with the ladder.

To make it worse, Kane crushes Benoit’s arm in the ladder over and over. Edge spears Kane down and it’s the big reunion with Christian, who grabs his own ladder to smash Kane at the same time. Now it’s Shelton coming in to send Christian outside and flapjack Edge into the ladder. Shelton and Jericho fight on top of the ladder until two more ladders are brought in (Lawler: “It’s like open house at Home Depot!”), meaning it’s everyone but Kane on top at the same time.

Benoit, Jericho and Christian are knocked down, leaving Shelton to hit the exploder on Edge off the ladder for the huge crash. Jericho is left to go up but Shelton runs up a second ladder to clothesline Jericho off because he can do something like that. Christian knocks Shelton off the ladder as Kane returns from the short term death that afflicts wrestlers in ladder matches. Tomko comes in and kicks Kane in the face before helping Christian to the top in a bit of a call back to TLC II.

Kane is back up though and shoves the ladder over, sending Christian down to the floor and onto Tomko. Jericho and Kane knock each other off the ladder and everyone is down as we need a breather. With Kane down, Benoit (bleeding from the head) hits the Swan Dive off the ladder. Benoit goes up but has to headbutt Kane off but the arm is too banged up to get the briefcase. Edge blasts Benoit in the arm with a chair though and that’s enough to pull down the briefcase for the win.

Rating: A-. Yeah this was great with more time for drama and fewer instances of having the people laying around forever because there are too many people in the match at the same time. Edge winning is the best call as no one has been chasing the title like him and now he can steal the title down the line. It’s a heck of a fight though with a bunch of awesome spots and stuff that kept the fans interested without many dead spots. Great stuff and an awesome way to debut the concept.

Here’s the still injured Eugene, whose music doesn’t start until halfway down the aisle. This is his second favorite Wrestlemania moment every, after the midget army getting together to fight off King Kong Bundy at Wrestlemania III (Hillbilly Jim was included as well, and he spent a good hour talking about it during his Hall of Fame speech). Cue Daivari and Muhammad Hassan to complain about not being on the show (that they’re on) and rant about the prejudice in Los Angeles.

Hassan is ready to make his own Wrestlemania moment and jumps Eugene, setting up the camel clutch. Cue Hulk Hogan or the REAL AMERICAN save, including a double noggin knocker. Hassan gets sent outside so Daivari can hit Hogan with a chair. Since that doesn’t work, it’s a big boot and another toss to the floor so the posing can commence. Hogan even gets to do the big pose in front of the huge American flag on the stage. Yeah it’s old hat but I’ll always be a Hulkamaniac so this made me smile.

We recap Randy Orton vs. Undertaker. Orton won the World Title last fall but lost it in a hurry and has been on a slow downward spiral since. He needs to get back on track so he’s going after Undertaker and the Streak while turning heel in the process. Orton’s dad Bob is helping him a bit, because Orton has slid far enough that he needs that kind of help.

Randy Orton vs. Undertaker

The druids with the torches are here so you know it’s serious. Undertaker glides to the ring for a pretty cool entrance, which goes much faster than usual for a bonus. Orton comes out second for some reason, albeit with his own cool entrance of pyro raining down behind him as he poses with the still awesome Burn In My Light playing. After some early dodging, the first right hand gets Orton launched into the corner.

The dropkick out of the corner gets two and Orton backdrops him for a bump you don’t see from Undertaker that often. The early RKO attempt is shoved over the top as Undertaker is starting a bit slowly here. Old School connects but Orton is back up with a dropkick to the floor to take over. Undertaker’s running DDT gets two and Snake Eyes connects. The ensuing big boot is cut off with a running elbow though, sending the fans straight into a LET’S GO UNDERTAKER/RANDY SUCKS chant.

The slugout goes to Undertaker and we hit the dragon sleeper as Undertaker busts out some different stuff for a change. Orton breaks out and grabs a sleeper, which doesn’t please the crowd. The counter before Orton can take him to the ground is more appealing but Orton is back with a powerslam.

For some reason, Orton hammers away in the corner, meaning he has to escape the Last Ride. The referee gets bumped though and here’s Bob with a cast shot to Undertaker’s head for the close two. Undertaker boots Bob off the apron and grabs the chokeslam, which is reversed into the RKO in midair (one of my favorite counters ever) for two and a big sigh of relief from the fans. For reasons of general cockiness, Orton tries his own Tombstone, which is reversed into the real thing to make Undertaker 13-0.

Rating: B-. It’s a good match but it never came close to that higher level. It would take a little longer for Undertaker to get that much better at Wrestlemania so for now it’s just a good one. Orton was trying here and looked better than he has in a long time, though aside from that one RKO, he never felt like a real threat here. Still though, one hot near fall is better than none and it wasn’t bad by any stretch.

We recap Trish Stratus vs. Christy Hemme. It’s the annual Playboy match as we’re now supposed to believe that Christy can wrestle and isn’t just there because of her looks. Lita has been training Christy and is more interesting than anything Christy has been doing. Keep in mind that Christy isn’t at fault here. She isn’t a wrestler and is being thrown into a match because she won a modeling contest. That’s on WWE, not Christy.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Christy Hemme

Trish is defending and Christy has Lita with her. The bell rings and Trish drops to the mat but kicks Christy away in a rather heelish move. They head outside with Trish sending her into the steps, followed by some chops in the corner back inside. The Chick Kick misses and Christy hits one of her own as the fans are just gone for this.

Christy does the splits on top to set up a sunset flip for two, only to have Trish spear her down. We get the BORING chants as Trish stops to yell at Lita, allowing Christy to start in with the kicks. The reverse Twist of Fate and a rollup give Christy two each but Trish has had it. That means the Chick Kick to retain the title and end Christy’s wrestling run.

Rating: D-. Yeah what else were you expecting? Trish was wrestling herself here as Christy was only good for some tumbling and that Twist of Fate. The women’s division is all but dead at this point and it’s likely going to be a long time before things get better. Christy was trying here but had no business in this spot.

We recap Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Michaels. Angle was annoyed that Shawn eliminated him from the Royal Rumble and beat him up, setting off the big feud. Kurt is annoyed that people were talking about Shawn in 1996 when Angle was an Olympic champion. Now Angle wants to prove that he is the better man on the biggest stage. Shawn is down with that because he’s Shawn Michaels and it’s Wrestlemania. This is more or less WWE saying “yeah it’s going to be a classic and everyone knows it.”

Various celebrities are here.

Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Michaels

They stare at each other both before and after the bell until Shawn slaps him in the face. That makes Angle take him to the mat and Shawn is completely outclassed there. A headlock takeover works a bit better for Shawn as the fans are behind Angle for a bit of a surprise. The headlock stays on for a good while as they probably have a lot of time here. Shawn switches over to a short armscissors, allowing Angle to power out ala Bob Backlund (his old mentor).

Shawn is right back with the headlock but this time Angle powers up and takes him into the corner. The ankle lock is quickly broken up and it’s Shawn with a Cactus Clothesline to put them both on the floor. The announcers’ table is loaded up but Angle hits an Angle Slam into the post to take something out of Shawn. A suplex gives Angle two and it’s off to the bodyscissors to stay on the ribs/back.

The belly to belly gets two and it’s a reverse chinlock with a knee in Shawn’s back. Angle’s belly to belly superplex is broken up but Shawn misses the top rope elbow. Shawn is fine enough to backdrop Angle to the floor and he’s crazy enough to hit a high crossbody to the floor with the knee possibly hitting Angle in the face. Angle gets back up and teases the German suplex off the apron to make the fans a little nervous.

A low blow gets Shawn out of trouble and that means the springboard spinning splash onto Angle onto the announcers’ table for less of a pop than you might have expected, mainly because the table doesn’t break. They head back in for the slugout into Shawn’s forearm and nipup so things can pick up again. Sweet Chin Music (way too early) is countered into the ankle lock, setting up the big crawl to the rope. Angle gets it again but this time Shawn reverses into a rollup for two.

Another Sweet Chin Music attempt is countered into the Angle Slam for two as frustration is setting in. In another awesome moment, Angle pulls his straps up so he can pull them right back down again because you know it’s serious. The moonsault misses though (probably spent too much time with the straps) so Shawn goes up, only to get caught in the super Angle Slam for two, meaning Angle looks ready to cry at the kickout.

Angle talks a bunch of trash so Shawn snaps off Sweet Chin Music to shut him up. That gets a very delayed two and they both need a breather. Angle picks the ankle into the ankle lock as he’s right back up but this time Shawn can’t kick away. Shawn fights everywhere but finally gets pulled down into the grapevine for the tap (after a nearly goofy amount of time).

Rating: A+. Yeah what else do you want here? They told an outstanding story with Shawn going with the natural talent but Angle just wanting it that much more and turning up the intensity to a level Shawn couldn’t reach. It made Shawn look like he couldn’t beat Angle on his best night, all while putting in an instant classic. These two went back and forth with one big spot after another and Angle took away a lot of Shawn’s strength by working on the back. Check this one out if you haven’t in a while as it’s worth seeing again.

Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young are here.

It’s time for Piper’s Pit (and I think there was an edit in there as the set was put together in the blink of an eye). Piper thanks the fans for the Hall of Fame but wants to get down to business. He wanted the meanest and baddest man in WWE so his guest is Steve Austin. Cue Austin (with a glass breaking transition as we cut to the stage), with JR saying that he’s back at Wrestlemania. He hasn’t missed one since 2000 so that’s not the biggest accomplishment. Piper asks if Austin is the rebel and slaps him in the face so Austin calls him an SOB and returns the slap. Piper: “I kind of like you.”

With that out of the way, Piper talks about respecting Austin but gets cut off by the WHAT chants, which he doesn’t seem to understand. Piper takes issue with one thing: he was ticking Vince McMahon off when Wrestlemania didn’t even have a number. Austin and James Dean have nothing on Piper when it comes to being a rebel. Austin runs down Piper’s appearance and they get in each other’s faces, allowing Piper to quote Cool Hand Luke about a failure of communication.

Cue Carlito, with Piper and Austin accusing each other of bringing him out. Piper: “I’ll get back to you.” Carlito accuses both of them of arguing like girls, before declaring them both non-cool. Piper: “Who the h*** are you? You look like Alfalfa.” Carlito wants the two of them out of here and loads up the apple but Piper takes it away.

It’s Carlito taking the spit this time so Carlito hits him in the face as Austin laughs. Bored of that, Austin beats Carlito up and Piper sends him outside. Beer is consumed until Austin Stuns Piper. This completely missed as Piper and Austin didn’t have anything to say to each other. Carlito getting to be out there was a nice few moments for him but this was all about the legends, who didn’t need to be there.

It’s immediately time for the sumo match with a much harder cut to Cole and Tazz. They had to edit something out of there and we get a VERY long crowd shot during the next entrance. That was probably to remove the ropes, but it still felt like something was cut.

Upon further review, they aired the You Talking To Me trailer here and announced it as winning the Best Overall Trailer award. They’ve aired that on Raw and Smackdown, so why cut it here?

Akebono vs. Big Show

They do the full traditional opening as the fans are really not interested in this one. We finally get going, they slap each other, pull at the gear a bit, Show lifts Akebono and spins him around, and then Akebono wins. This didn’t work again as it came and went as it just wasn’t the right thing for a show like Wrestlemania. Akebono never wrestled for WWE again and I don’t know if he ever appeared again so I’m not sure what the thinking was here.

We recap John Cena vs. John Bradshaw Layfield for the Smackdown World Title. It’s built around a culture clash with JBL being the old, rich traditionalist while Cena lives by his own rules and cares about the people. Cena won a tournament to get the shot so JBL talked about how people like Cena didn’t deserve to be champion. He couldn’t get Cena to go too far though and Cena is ready to explode here.

Smackdown World Title: John Cena vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

JBL is defending and gets a police escort into the arena. Just to show off, we get a shower of JBL dollars, which are always a nice touch. They trade shoulders to start with JBL getting the better of it (the big boot out of the corner probably helped a bit). A suplex gives JBL two and he chokes Cena on the ropes for a bit. Back up and Cena is fine with getting into a slugout but JBL catches him with a Ron Simmons style spinebuster. A neckbreaker and some clotheslines stay on Cena’s neck, followed by a sleeper to do something similar enough.

Cena slips out and it’s a double clothesline to keep up the slow pace. JBL sends him outside for another neckbreaker before going up top for some reason. That earns him a slam out of the air but Cena can’t follow up. Cena starts his comeback but the fans aren’t quite thrilled. The Shuffle gets some energy flowing and after ducking the Clothesline From JBL, the FU gives Cena his first World Title out of nowhere.

Rating: D. Very bleh match here as there was no drama and the match just ended out of nowhere with Cena shrugging off the first ten minutes and winning with very little drama. I know the match itself doesn’t matter that much but Cena wasn’t ready to carry something like this and JBL was never capable of carrying something like this, leaving us with a very underwhelming match.

That’s also the end of JBL’s long title reign and really, it was a lot better than I remember. JBL can talk very well and while his matches weren’t great, it didn’t come close to dragging as a lot of people (myself included) remember. Maybe it was knowing when it was going to end but I didn’t mind this nearly as much as I expected to. JBL winning the title in the first place was a big stretch but he held it a lot better than I would have guessed.

Hall of Fame video. Hogan and Piper were long overdue. Heenan on Iron Sheik’s speech: “WHAT THE H*** DID HE SAY???”

Gene Okerlund brings out the year’s class:

Nikolai Volkoff (sure why not)

Iron Sheik (just don’t let him talk….or maybe let him talk….it could go either way)

Paul Orndorff (belongs in for 1986 alone and is smart enough to point at Miss Jackie)

Bob Orton (always good for a solid performance and still selling the injury from earlier)

Jimmy Hart (yep, and comes off as one of the nicest guys ever in wrestling)

Roddy Piper (would have headlined almost any other class)

Hulk Hogan (odds are we’re not here without him)

We recap the Raw World Title match. HHH has dominated the World Title scene for a long time and has used Evolution to help him hold onto the title. Batista has proven to be unstoppable and then won the Royal Rumble. HHH tried to talk him into going to Smackdown but Batista overheard the evil planning, sending Batista onto a path towards Wrestlemania and the title. This isn’t the hardest result to figure out and the fans are begging to see Batista take the title away from HHH for good.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Batista

HHH is defending and has Ric Flair with him, plus Motorhead plays him to the ring, just in case you thought Batista was cooler. I mean, you can barely understand the words because Lemmy butchers it in a great Brutus Beefcake impression but HHH rising up through the stage makes up for it a bit. Batista doesn’t get much of a pop, mainly due to the lack of the famous band performing his music.

The early power lockup lets them drive each other to the ropes but it’s only good for a standoff. They do it again with HHH’s running shoulder having no effect other than waking HHH up a bit. Another shoulder drops Batista but he’s right back up with something close to a powerslam. Batista hits a backdrop, only to have HHH knock him outside to cut the momentum off again.

Flair’s distraction lets HHH send Batista into the steps and Flair gets in some choking with the jacket. Back in and HHH gets two off a suplex, setting up more Flair choking. Whatever emotion the fans had for Batista after that HHH entrance is long gone now as HHH has beaten him down for about seven of the eight minutes the match has been going so far. Batista slugs away but walks into the spinebuster, because of course HHH needs to hit a spinebuster as he dominates Batista in the biggest match of Batista’s career.

A backdrop breaks up the Pedigree attempt but HHH is RIGHT BACK with the facebuster, leaving him on defense for all of three seconds. HHH goes up and gets clotheslined out of the air to no reaction as the fans are gone. They’re smart enough to realize that HHH is going to cut Batista off again and, as expected, Batista charges into a big boot in the corner just a few seconds later. Batista sends HHH over the corner, only to have HHH whip him into the steps.

The Pedigree onto the steps is countered into a catapult into the post and we’ve got some blood. Back in and it’s time to hammer on the cut as the fans finally have something to cheer about. The big running clothesline in the corner rocks HHH and a powerslam gets two as there isn’t quite the energy in the offense that you would expect. It feels like they’re just doing stuff to fill time until the ending instead of of building something up.

Batista sends him outside but goes after Flair, allowing HHH to grab the chair, which hits the referee by mistake. Flair’s belt shot is countered with a spinebuster but HHH’s belt shot gets two. The fans react to the kickout and Batista hits the spinebuster for the big reaction. That’s too much cheering for HHH’s liking so he hits Batista low. Batista blocks the Pedigree with raw power though and hits something like White Noise. The Batista Bomb finally makes Batista champion.

Rating: C. It was miles better than Cena vs. JBL but egads this didn’t do Batista any favors. This was more about giving HHH a big sendoff as champion than making Batista look like a star and….I can’t say I’m surprised. Batista has looked so dominant and smart for the last six weeks that HHH probably couldn’t help himself from cutting him off. HHH did put him over, but it could have been a lot stronger without HHH beating him up and outsmarting him for the first half of the match. Much like the previous match though, it’s all about what comes next rather than what happened here, but HHH made sure to make himself look good.

The big celebration and highlight package wrap things up.

Overall Rating: B. Much like last year, this really needed forty five minutes to an hour trimmed off (and again it’s easy to see what should be gone) to make it great. As it is it’s quite good but there are a lot of times where it felt like it was dragging. The two World Title matches were outclassed by Money in the Bank and Shawn vs. Angle (not exactly shocking on either front) but they got the endings right and aside from the sumo match and Piper’s Pit (which wasn’t that long), only the very short women’s match is bad (and that has various other positives).

What we got here was a strong Wrestlemania, but it needed some time trimmed off to really make it great. That being said, this is still far better than the five hour monstrosities we get now. It’s a completely watchable, at times great and very important show though, meaning it feels like Wrestlemania. The streak of good Wrestlemanias continues, though the show getting longer isn’t the most encouraging sign. Check out the ladder match and Shawn vs. Angle if you have the time though as they’re worth a second look (or nineteenth look in some cases).

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Royal Rumble 2005
Date: January 30, 2005
Location: Save Mart Center, Fresno, California
Attendance: 12,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Tazz

We’re finally to one of the more important shows ever and the main event is a two horse race. This is clearly the year of John Cena or Batista and either one is a great option to win. They’re owning their shows right now and both of them seem to be locks to walk out of Wrestlemania with the World Titles. Predictable does not mean bad though and that seems to be the case here. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at great Rumble endings as a clock counts down. After it reaches zero, we see….well more of the same actually but there are so many historic Rumble moments that it works just fine.

Edge vs. Shawn Michaels

Nothing wrong with a grudge match. Edge blames Shawn for him not winning the World Title and has taken out some aggression on him. They get started fast with Shawn clotheslining him to the floor and skinning the cat so the vest can come off. Back in and the announcers argue over whether or not Shawn is a champion hog. Edge gets in a swinging neckbreaker and the fans are all over him early on.

A Thesz press and right hands let Shawn throw him over the top for a nice mini moment. Shawn’s baseball slide misses though and it’s the Edge-O-Matic on the floor to knock him silly. Back in again and the fans stay behind Shawn as they’re certainly loyal. Edge gets two off a sitout powerbomb so it’s off to a rear naked choke. Well a chinlock with a bodyscissors because it’s Edge but close enough.

It’s switched to a regular chinlock and a slam, allowing Edge to strike Shawn’s pose. Shawn is annoyed but walking into a big boot makes it even worse. A clothesline takes Shawn down again as he can’t get anything going here. Another chinlock is broken up in a hurry and Shawn scores with a knee lift and some atomic drops. Ten right hands in the corner set up the catapult for two but Shawn has to stop Edge from walking out. It’s either a ruse or bad timing though as Edge gets in the spear on the floor.

Shawn beats the count back in and Edge….dances? That’s certainly a new one. What isn’t a new one is the spear (complete with tuning up the band, though JR insists that Edge has no band), which only gets two. A superplex is broken up though and Shawn drops the big elbow. Sweet Chin Music is countered into an electric chair drop (nice counter) and the Edgecator goes on. Shawn makes the long and slow crawl to the rope (Lawler: “He was going to tap and the rope happened to be there!”) but Edge grabs a rollup and a rope for the cheating pin.

Rating: B. It’s a nice mixture of action and storytelling here as the match was good and edge cheated to win, which is what makes perfect sense for him. Edge hit everything he had on Shawn to try and win clean and then went with the cheating to put him away. That’s exactly what Edge would do because he’s so obsessed with getting a win so well done on the opener.

Eric Bischoff and Theodore Long argue over which brand will win the Rumble. With that out of the way, we get Torrie Wilson and Christy Hemme to stand there while wrestlers come in to draw their numbers. Ric Flair and Eddie Guerrero come in first with Flair dancing and having the girls blow on his ball (make your own jokes). Flair is thrilled with his number so Eddie hugs him without drawing his own number. For the sake of convenience, Flair checks his number again and finds a bad one. The chase is on.

Heidenreich is freaking out over caskets when Gene Snitsky comes in. They like each other and Snitsky has an idea. The tone of voices sound like…..never mind.

We recap Heidenreich vs. Undertaker. Heidenreich is the latest monster and Undertaker has beaten him a few times but since WWE can’t just let him go, we get a casket match. As luck would have it, Heidenreich is terrified of caskets so he’s been running around in panic for weeks now. What a great way to present a monster.

Heidenreich vs. Undertaker

Casket match of course with druids bringing the casket out. Undertaker grabs a headlock and starts dragging Heidenreich towards the casket so at least he’s going smart early on. An armdrag into an armbar has Heidenreich close to the casket again as you can see a lot of empty seats popping up. Undertaker switches to the leg with a half crab so Heidenreich crawls to the rope, which is in front of the casket. No one ever accused him of making sense.

They head outside with Undertaker going face first into the casket as Heidenreich still isn’t coming off as interesting. Back in and Heidenreich hammers away in the corner while shouting that this is his world. Undertaker seems to disagree by grabbing a triangle choke on the top rope. Cue the taped up Snitsky to make the save and the double teaming is on. The casket is opened and Kane wakes up from his nap to pop out and make the second save.

Kane and Snitsky fight into the crowd as Heidenreich kicks the casket up the aisle. Undertaker goes knees first into the steps and it’s time to peel back the mats so we can get more violent. Heidenreich crushes him with the casket and it’s a cobra clutch to knock Undertaker out. Undertaker goes into the casket but keeps an arm out so the comeback can start.

The apron legdrop onto the casket onto Heidenreich gets the fans back into things but Undertaker walks into the swinging Boss Man Slam. Heidenreich covers due to general numbskulledness and Undertaker makes another comeback, this time with a bad looking running DDT. The chokeslam and Tombstone finish Heidenreich.

Rating: D. It’s not good, but this could have been a lot worse. Heidenreich got in some offense and didn’t feel as much like a chore to watch this time around, but this feud was done a month ago. The Kane and Snitsky stuff was pretty early on so the match was almost divided in half with a short piece in the middle. Somehow, we’ll call this better than expected, though that’s not the highest expectation.

Long demands Eddie give Flair’s number back and Evolution comes in to make it happen. Eddie gives it back and almost gets away with Flair’s wallet. With Eddie gone, HHH wants to talk to Batista about the Randy Orton match but Batista wants to go get his number first. HHH says NOW and Flair has to intervene.

Long comes back in to see Bischoff as Christian and Tyson Tomko are ready to draw their numbers. Christian and Tomko say they both signed a petition to get rid of Long and then draw. As Christian is happy, here’s John Cena to interrupt. Cena to Bischoff: “Loved you in Boogie Nights.” Christian wants a battle rap of all things and tells Tomko to give him a beat. Tomko: “No.” Christian manages to rhyme Transylvania with Wrestlemania but Cena goes with the gay jokes to win the audience’s approval.

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Big Show vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

JBL is defending. Angle chills on the floor to start and JBL actually starts swinging at Show. That’s quite courageous of him. Stupid as it works as well as you would expect, but courageous. Show catches him with a slam out of the corner and the legdrop gets two with Angle making a fast save. That’s fine with Show, who is right back up and knocks the two of them outside.

JBL gets posted and the power of the big hips knock Angle away as it’s all Show in the early going. Show sets up the steps next to the announcers’ and I don’t see this ending well. The super chokeslam is loaded up but Angle hits him low, setting up a monitor shot to knock Show through the table. Angle and JBL get back in with Angle grabbing an armbar, which feels a little out of place a giant just fell off the steps and through a table.

Some German suplexes fit the bill a bit better but the Angle Slam is escaped. JBL’s big boot gets two but Show is back in with a double clothesline. Show starts throwing the two of them around and another double clothesline connects for good measure. A double chokeslam is broken up though and it’s a Clothesline From JBL/chop block from Angle to put the giant down again. Angle is smart enough to hit a quick German suplex to drop the champ, followed by an Angle Slam to Show for no cover as Angle’s back is hurt.

Show is back up with a chokeslam for two, followed by a tackle to put JBL through the barricade. That leaves Angle in the ring with a chair but a charge lets Show flapjack him onto it. Cue Jindrak and Reigns to go after Show as the Cabinet is here to put JBL on a stretcher. Show fights the two of them up the aisle, leaving Jordan to throw JBL back inside. The Clothesline From JBL puts Angle down to retain the title.

Rating: B. Another rather good match here and that’s not a surprise whatsoever after what has been a really good story. These three had an odd chemistry together and the match was a lot better than it probably should have been. If nothing else it was nice to not have the goons get involved until the end, and even then it was just for a distraction. JBL’s title reign continues to be far better than he’s given credit for with a match that was actually a lot of fun to watch.

Carlito tries to get Batista to sign his petition but a threat of violence gets rid of that. Batista goes in to draw his number as Bischoff and Long argue over World Title matches. Long says there is going to be a bunch of interference so Bischoff bans Evolution from ringside. Batista wants to tell HHH himself and seems very happy.

Wrestlemania XXI trailer featuring Eugene as Forrest Gump. I loved these things and most of them were rather clever.

We recap HHH vs. Randy Orton. HHH won the World Title back inside the Elimination Chamber, including pinning Orton. It took Batista’s help though so Orton beat Batista in a #1 contenders match to earn the shot. Orton is a complete lame duck challenger as the fans have moved on to Batista and everyone but Orton seems to know it.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Randy Orton

HHH is defending and Evolution is barred from ringside. Orton slaps him in the face to get things going and a backslide gets an early two. A rather high backdrop looks to set up a very early RKO so HHH bails to the floor, allowing Orton to take him down out there instead. Back in and Orton grabs Snake Eyes but the RKO is countered with a toss over the top and what could have been a scary looking landing.

A ram into the steps makes it worse for Orton and the RANDY SUCKS chants are just downright mean. HHH goes after the knee, which was attacked on Raw and not brought up until now. We go to the Ric Flair knee work package, including the Figure Four. The hold stays on for over a minute until HHH slaps him in the face, causing Orton to turn it over, albeit right into the ropes.

They head outside again with HHH being thrown over the announcers’ table, which isn’t exactly a big deal this time. Instead Orton takes him back inside for the backbreaker and the assorted punches in the corner. The high crossbody gets two but HHH gets in a knee. The Pedigree is countered so HHH hits the jumping knee to the face for two. Another Pedigree attempt doesn’t work so Orton blasts him with a clothesline. Orton slugs away in the corner but a grab of the rope blocks a DDT.

That’s enough to send Orton outside and the referee threatens to stop the match because Orton looks out of it. Instead Orton gets back in but HHH crashes into both of them for the ref bump. The sledgehammer is brought out but Orton trips him face first into the post. Orton can’t follow up though and it’s a hard clothesline to take him down again. The Pedigree retains the title in a finish that sums up Orton’s entire face run.

Rating: C-. That ending was terrible as Orton never even got in the big hope spot. Instead it was Orton getting knocked silly, not being able to do anything but keep himself from getting hit by the sledgehammer and then falling to the Pedigree anyway. These two seem incapable of having a really good match together and that was the case again here. As mentioned, Orton had no chance so it’s far from some miscarriage of justice, but it was disappointing.

Kurt Angle steals Nunzio’s Rumble spot under the threat of violence.

The drunken Cabinet comes in to Long/Bischoff’s office. Long isn’t happy and makes JBL vs. Big Show in a barbed wire cage match for No Way Out. That’s quite the escalation and JBL sobers up in a hurry.

Royal Rumble

Since this is the main event, here’s your trivia for the night: this is the first pay per view since the Wrestling Classic (and therefore the second ever to this point) to not have a tag team match. In case you were worried about a slow start, Eddie Guerrero is in at #1 and Chris Benoit is in at #2 with ninety second intervals. Eddie starts on the floor before coming in for the feeling out process, which doesn’t get anyone anywhere. They start striking it out and Daniel Puder is in at #3. He gets in but goes straight back to the floor to grab a mic, saying everyone here is about to witness history.

Puder gets inside and it’s time for Benoit and Eddie to chop the heck out of him, which might be Benoit’s specialty. Some suplexes make it even worse and it’s Hardcore Holly in at #4. Benoit and Eddie are willing to stand back and let Holly chop him as the point is becoming clear in a hurry. Holly hangs him over the rope for the kick to the gut and there’s an Alabama Slam.

Hurricane is in at #5 as Puder is tossed. This was WWE’s way of punishing/initiating Puder for being successful in Tough Enough, because WWE feels the need to torment people for getting over. Puder would never wrestle on the main roster again and I’d be surprised if he had a major appearance. Eddie throws Holly out during Hurricane’s entrance and Hurricane is thrown out a few seconds later, just as Kenzo Suzuki is in at #6. Eddie and Benoit double team him as well but Benoit throws Eddie to the apron in a smart move.

Edge is in at #7 and this should make things more interesting. Chops and right hands abound until Benoit knocks Edge back a bit. Rey Mysterio is in at #8 and as soon as we get rid of Suzuki, a heck of a tag match could break out (with any combination of teams). Rey’s headscissors gets rid of Suzuki but walks into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker from Eddie to put everyone down. Shelton Benjamin is in at #9 and goes after Rey, who snaps off a headscissors.

Booker T. is in at #10, giving us Booker, Eddie, Benoit, Benjamin, Edge and Mysterio (get one or two more and you have a month’s worth of quality stuff). Rey can’t headscissor Shelton out but here’s Bischoff to watch. Benoit gets the Sharpshooter on Eddie, which Rey breaks up with a springboard dropkick. Just in case we don’t have enough awesome talent in the ring, Chris Jericho is in at #11. Jericho goes after Edge with right hands and a belly to back suplex before switching over to Eddie in the corner.

Theodore Long comes out to cheer as well and it’s Luther Reigns in at #12. The kicking and punching continues until we get the showdown between the Raw and Smackdown guys because WWE REALLY likes pushing that concept. With everyone fighting by the ropes, it’s Muhammad Hassan in at #13. Everyone stops to look at him as Hassan posses…and the big beatdown is on. The fans like this quite a bit and Rey hits a 619. Everyone gets together and tosses Hassan at the same time as Orlando Jordan is in at #14.

That means a lot more punching and not very close eliminations by the ropes until Scotty 2 Hotty is in at #15. Hang on though as Hassan and Daivari jump him in the aisle and Scotty can’t get in. Oh well. If we can drop every man for himself, we can drop 30 to 29. The beatdown takes long enough that it’s Charlie Haas in at #16. Booker kicks him in the face though and then tosses Reigns and Jordan in a row. He stops for a Spinarooni though and that’s enough for Eddie to get the elimination.

The eliminations slow for a bit as Rene Dupree is in at #17. Haas and Benjamin get back together for the jump over onto Rene’s back. Shelton misses a Stinger Splash though and Edge gets the elimination. Simon Dean is in at #18 but before he gets in, we need some Hindu squats. The distraction lets Edge get rid of Eddie and Dean finally gets in…..so Shawn Michaels, in at #19, can superkick him out. Things slow down a bit until Shawn dumps Haas.

Kurt Angle is in at #20 and it’s suplexes a go-go until Shawn superkicks him out. To recap, we now have Benoit, Edge, Mysterio, Jericho, Dupree and Michaels. Coach is in at #21 and immediately starts grabbing the rope to save himself. Mark Jindrak is in at #22 but Angle gets back in and throws Shawn out, followed by a step shot to the head for some blood. Angle is finally dragged off and it’s Viscera in at #23.

Rey saves himself from elimination so Viscera slams him in the middle. With nothing else going on, Paul London is in at #24, nearly sliding all the way outside as he comes in. Dupree slams him down and we get the French Tickler. Jericho is smart enough to use the delay to toss Dupree (Tazz: “His tickler just got Frenched!”.). No one can get rid of Viscera so here’s John Cena in at #25 to pick things way up.

Cena backdrops Viscera out on his own because WWE knows how to make someone look like a star in the Rumble. Gene Snitsky, who can run pretty well when he’s all taped up, is in at #26 to shoulder people down. Snitsky sends London to the apron and BLASTS him with a clothesline, sending London inside out for a highlight reel elimination. That gives us the Cena vs. Snitsky showdown with Snitsky hitting the big boot.

Kane is in at #27 and it’s chokeslams all around, with the one armed version to Mysterio looking great. Jindrak is out but Snitsky saves Coach of all people. The pumphandle slam drops Kane but none of that matters because Batista is in at #28 to bring the fans back to full strength (everyone knows it’s coming now and they’re fully on board the Batista train). Snitsky is out first and it’s time for the Kane showdown, with the full on BATISTA chants as background noise.

The Batista Bomb plants Kane and Batista throws Jericho out. Christian is in at #29 and gets beaten down by Cena as Rey hits the 619 on Kane. That’s enough for the FU to get rid of Kane (because Cena is smart enough to use a move like that next to the ropes). Rey and Cena set up an alliance and it’s Ric Flair in at #30, giving us a final field of Benoit, Edge, Mysterio, Coach, Cena, Batista, Christian and Flair. That’s quite the talent pool. Flair is smart enough to feed Coach into the spinebuster from Batista for the elimination and the same concept gets rid of Christian.

Benoit chops Flair in the corner but takes the big spinebuster as well. That’s it for Benoit but Flair makes the mistake of trying to toss Batista as well. Edge and Mysterio are smart enough to dropkick Batista at the same time with Edge getting rid of Flair (makes sense). That leaves us with Edge, Mysterio, Batista and Cena. Edge hits the spear on Batista and Cena but gets caught by the 619. Rey tries one too many runs off the ropes though and gets sent to the apron for a spear to the floor. Cena and Batista toss Edge and we’re down to the only two people who ever had a shot to win this thing in the first place.

Neither can hit their finisher and the fall out to the floor in the unplanned finish. With the referees split, cue Vince McMahon, who made the mistake of trying to get up from the Gorilla Position in a hurry after three hours. He tries to slide in under the bottom rope and there goes his quad (must be a family trait).

Vince tries to get up and just goes down, so the referees plead their cases as Vince sits down next to the bottom rope. With all of the confusion, they take turns throwing each one over the top (Batista threw Cena first, which makes sense. Cena throwing Batista out after and thinking that would count is just kind of dumb.). Vince says restart the match (and then goes to the back, where he put too much weight on his good leg and tore that quad as well), but for some reason Eddie and Benoit are nowhere to be seen. Batista throws Cena out in about ten seconds to officially win.

Rating: B+. If they could have nailed the ending, this is an all time classic. As it is, it’s just shy of great and that’s a pretty awesome place to be. Cena and Batista were all that mattered here and that was where they went for the ending, but the stuff before that was more than very good as well. They stacked the first half with talent and then had the very well done Angle vs. Shawn segment, which sets up a major match at Wrestlemania. By the time they were done, Cena showed up to bridge things to the ending. All in all, it’s a second tier Rumble at worst and just makes the end of the all time best list at best.

Overall Rating: A-. The Rumble is such a unique show as the one match can carry the rest of the card either up or down. In this case that’s very helpful as the four undercard matches nearly cancel each other out, with a pair of good ones, the bad casket match and the not very good Raw World Title match. What matters here though is they didn’t play any games with the ending and went with their strongest options at the finish. It was the right play and the only thing they could have done. Batista and Cena’s rockets are being attached to their backs and that’s what they have to do. Very good show and bordering on classic.

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