December to Dismember
Date: December 3, 2006
Location: James Brown Arena, Augusta, Georgia
Attendance: 4,800
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

So this is more or less considered the standard for worst WWE PPV of all time. There are quite a few reasons for that and I’d say it’s likely true. Number one is Vince McMahon. Heyman was told to run this show and he put together a run sheet and the endings to matches etc.

Since Big Show had made it clear that he was leaving the company as soon as his contract was up two days after the show, the title change was clearly coming. Heyman’s original idea was Punk and Show start the Chamber match and Punk gets Show to tap out inside of four minutes. Punk liked it, Heyman liked it, Show LOVED it, the writers liked it, Vince hated it.

Vince insisted on Lashley getting the belt and a massive celebration ending the show. Heyman said allegedly three or four times that this was going to bomb. It did indeed bomb and guess what happened. Yep, Vince blamed Heyman for the whole thing and Paul quit/was thrown out. The second issue here is that we had seen Survivor Series SEVEN DAYS EARLIER.

Yeah, this is our second PPV in two weeks, so of course the buyrate was through the floor. That was of course Heyman’s fault too. Finally, this was called an ECW show. The problem was it was more or less a really long episode of the TV show with a bit main event. This wasn’t like the TV show now either. This was back when the show was awful and more or less held together with tape and gum every week. Let’s get this over with.

Of course the opening video is all about the Chamber. Oh, it’s an EXTREME Elimination Chamber as the four in pods will all have weapons. Give me a break.

Joey says this show might be infamous. That’s just amusing. He follows this by freaking up and saying there will be a new champion tonight. Thanks for the spoiler Joey.

MNM vs. Hardys

This was an open challenge that was accepted by MNM. Who cares that neither was on ECW at the time? This was one of two matches announced for the show. What does that tell you? MNM beat up the Hardys on Tuesday and that’s all there is to it. Jeff is IC Champion here by the way. Matt and Mercury start us off.

The Hardys are dominating and throw in a spin cycle which is always a cool move. It’s like a double suplex but they spin the other guy around. It’s hard to explain. And now we get the weird part of this: ECW chants by fans that actually think this is a real ECW show. They start a she’s a crack w**** chant at Melina and no one knows how to react to it.

Matt hits splash mountain on Nitro (Morrison) for two. Apparently Melina has herpes. This show really was doomed from the start on this. I didn’t know Scott Armstrong was refereeing this far back. Tazz isn’t helping things either with his idiotic commentary. To be fair though, he could be far more annoying, like that scream from Melina.

Tazz throws in that Cole doesn’t like women. If true, I’m not entirely surprised. In a funny bit, MNM go for the Twist of Fate and Swanton but Matt fights off and gets the hot tag to Jeff. Matt hits a Pescado on Mercury which is more or less caught and reversed to set up the big pile of aerial moves which never gets old.

Jeff misses the Swanton as Mercury pulls Nitro out. This has been pretty good so far. Tazz gets off on the screaming I think. Morrison looks weird with blonde hair. It’s MNM in control now as they beat up Jeff. Yeah Tazz is driving me crazy. Melina is a crack w**** again apparently. It amazes me that she was more or less just the sexy valet at this point and became a great worker (by comparison) in just a few years.

They’re being given a lot of time if nothing else as we’re about 15 minutes into this and there seems to be a good amount of time to go in it. Is Tazz supposed to be Jerry Lawler or something? If he is he’s somehow more annoying than Jerry if that’s possible. Jeff gets a Whisper in the Wind out of nowhere to set up the tag to Matt.

In a cool spot, Jeff is tagged back in and goes up. Matt tries to set Mercury up for a powerbomb by handing him to Jeff but Nitro makes the save and then shoves Mercury up to Jeff so he can hit a hurricanrana. That was freaking cool. Nitro accidentally dropkicks Melina and Jeff rolls him up for a LONG two.

Jeff takes the Snapshot but Matt makes the save. This is awesome stuff now. MNM sets for a top rope Snapshot but Matt saves with a double cutter to let Jeff hit a Swanton onto both of them for the pin. By the way, the Snapshot is Nitro holding up the other guy and Mercury hitting an elevated DDT.

Rating: B+. This was very good stuff as they were given a lot of time and it worked very well. This was a way to let MNM look good, even though at the end of the day they weren’t even the best tag team that Morrison was even a part of. Either way this was good stuff and it worked very well. Definitely good, but the show would go all downhill from here.

Van Dam says he’ll win the title tonight.

Matt Striker vs. Balls Mahoney

See what I mean about them not advertising anything? I think you can see why based on this one alone. They had been feuding back in the day and no one cared so let’s have people pay to see the “blowoff” to it. They kept saying that Striker was a former teacher that had to resign but it was never explained why: he got in trouble for going to wrestle at night.

The match tonight is under Striker’s Rules, meaning very strict. There is no eye gouging, no hair pulling, no top rope moves, and no foul language. I didn’t know that Bill Watts booked ECW. Balls comes out to a bad cover of Big Balls. They make jokes about Striker having a picture of himself on his tights.

If there has ever been a match that belonged on TV, this is it. It’s ok, but it’s certainly not worth paying anything for. After even more boring stuff, this time mainly arm work from Balls, he hits the Nutcracker Sweet, of course not called that here, to get the win.

Rating: D. Not only was it boring, but this was something people had to pay to see without it being mentioned or advertised. Other than the opener and the main event, that’s the case all around tonight actually. You’re starting to get the idea why this show is considered awful.

Punk is getting ready.

Sabu is hurt and Hardcore Holly is replacing him in the main event. The fans, knowing what’s going on, loudly chant bull at this.

Sylvester Terkay/Elijah Burke vs. F.B.I.

This FBI is Guido and Tony Mamaluke. Burke is the Pope from TNA, and yet, he’s still overrated and more or less worthless. “But KB, he can talk so well!” Well that would bet true if it wasn’t nonsenes. He’s talking now and he’s annoying me already. Now in TNA he’s a modern day Slick and just as annoying.

The only good thing about the FBI is they have Trinity and she looks very good. Yep, that’s all I’m going to care about here. Terkay is more or less an MMA guy that wrestled. Apparently Tazz needs a cold shower. Can we please get to the end of this show PLEASE? We have a very weak where’s my pizza chant as I feel so sorry for the live fans.

This was a massive slap in the face of all of ECW and its fans, but hey, Vince gets to feel like he killed the place and his delusions of grandeur are fulfilled for one more day right? All is right with the world now. More or less this is a way for Terkay to beat people up. It’s more or less a squash.

Actually screw that: it is a squash. Naturally the ECW guys get their heads handed to them on an ECW show so that the WWE guys can look great. Oh and after the match, Terkay uses a Muscle Buster to get a big TNA chant going. Ok so not big but whatever. Just move on please.

Rating: D-. Screw you Vince. This was just freaking dumb. I get that you hate ECW but if you’re going to rip off the audience like this, screw you.

Sabu is put in an ambulance.

We get an ad for Raw, on an ECW show. This is freaking garbage.

Daivari vs. Tommy Dreamer

Daivari is more commonly known as Sheik Abdul Bashir recently and here he’s known as the manager of the Great Khali. I wonder what’s going to happen here. Dreamer jobbing would be ok I guess. Those poor fans actually think Dreamer has a chance in this. Khali is thrown out. And now no one else cares. It’s Dreamer vs. a tiny guy that never does anything else.

Dreamer gets some of his big spots in to get the crowd going a bit, but naturally as he goes for the DDT, Daivari just rolls him up with the tights for the pin. I hate this show more and more every time. Of course Khali comes out and chokeslams him on the ramp. Tazz is legit tick off as you can tell.

Rating: W. That stands for who possible cares anymore. I’m not even an ECW fan and I’m even an ECW critic and this is ticking me off. Tell me one reason why Daivari should have gone over like that here. If you’re going to have Khali destroy him, fine, but have that be the reason to end the match. This is just mindless.

Dreamer takes forever to get up as we’re an hour and 15 minutes into this and we have two matches left, one of which is a mixed tag.

Ad for See No Evil, which is of course, a WWE thing and not an ECW thing.

I actually took a break at this point to watch a bad Disney Channel movie. That’s how annoyed I am with this show.

Heyman gives Hardcore Holly the spot in the main event. The fans pause and then know what’s coming, as Holly gets the spot. I actually can’t understand Holly’s first line as the fans are booing so loudly. This was a freaking atrocity and it’s pathetic that it has to be. The fans are just freaking dead now.

Ariel/Kevin Thorn vs. Kelly/Mike Knox

Kelly dated Knox apparently. Kelly at this point is an exhibitionist and AWFUL. I mean she’s ridiculously bad so we get Knox and Thorn. Knox has no beard at this point and is somehow more worthless than he was before. Oh dang it they’re letting him talk. Oh good Kelly is talking instead. She likes Punk, who gets a chant. That chant didn’t happen though. No one likes Punk. What people want is HARDCORE HOLLY AND TEST!!!

Thorn is a vampire and Ariel is a fortune telling gypsy or something. She would become Salinas in TNA in case you’re more familiar with them. This is a freaking disgrace. I’m glad no one bought it as it makes things seem a bit better. No one cares about this either as since both girls can’t wrestle we more or less have a Knox vs. Thorn match.

And here they are. At least Kelly looks hot. Kelly tries to get the tag to Knox but he leaves. Note: the fans chant for Punk to come make the save. To make sure it’s clear: Punk is OVER. Sandman makes the save instead which gets a nice pop.

Rating: D-. Kelly looking hot is the only reason this passes. I just want to get to the end of this.

We get a long ad for Armageddon, which was the third PPV in four weeks. WWE was so stupid at this point that I can’t comprehend it.

Some RIDICULOUSLY hot chick named Rebecca interviews Lashley. She can’t talk but she doesn’t need to. It’s mainly about how Lashley has had to put up with a ton of garbage, more or less confirming that he’ll win tonight, which only Vince wanted to see.

Three of the people in the chamber come to the ring together. We get the same exact video as the one that opened the show. Oh man they knew they had jack. We’re about an hour and a half into the show at this point mind you.

Heyman comes out and talks while saying nothing at all. This is nothing more than trying desperately to fill in time.

ECW World Title: CM Punk vs. Bobby Lashley vs. Test vs. Hardcore Holly vs Big Show vs. Rob Van Dam

Now keep in mind, Punk and Lashley were more or less worthless at this point, so the only two legit main event guys you have in there are RVD who was hated by the company at this point and Show who didn’t care as he was leaving in 48 hours. RVD and Holly start. Remember that as soon as each pod opens up, the person comes out with a weapon which I’ll get to as each pod opens.

Holly is booed out of the building. Naturally Vince will insist that it’s because of how great a heel he is or whatever. So we have to watch Holly and Van Dam for five minutes. Oh joy. The entrances took almost ten minutes mind you. The fans are dead here by the way. We get Rolling Thunder on the cage, which is impressive but we’ve seen it before.

They’ve managed to make the Elimination Chamber boring. That’s just impressive. Note: another Punk chant goes up. I can’t emphasize this enough: PUNK IS OVER. In third is Punk and his chair to a freaking ERUPTION. It’s a shame that he didn’t have a chance to win here. And Van Dam kicks the chair into him so he’s down 30 seconds in.

Ok to be fair, they’re the two most over guys in there so that’s ok I guess. Van Dam is bleeding. Apparently you can get pins outside on the cage now. That’s new I think. Heyman is the evil GM here in case you didn’t know. Punk is getting destroyed by Holly here in case you weren’t sure.

Also Punk would have his first loss in the company to Holly in about a month with the justification being that Holly was the bigger star and should go over. Again: if it’s not Vince’s idea, it’s not a good idea. In fourth is Test with a crowbar. Naturally he nails Punk with it. This is freaking stupid. Test and Hardcore Holly are in the MAIN EVENT OF A PAY PER VIEW.

The idea here is that the heels are all working together which is completely pointless considering the idea of the match but that can’t be Vince’s idea. Heyman “booked” this remember? And then Van Dam hits this Five Star and Punk is gone. Yep, the most over guy in the match is out first while Test and Holly get to stick around.

Test puts Holly out ten seconds later with a big boot. It was only a two but the referee calls it three. The announcers and fans are confused but since this show isn’t for the fans it doesn’t matter. Van Dam goes up on top of Big Show’s pod but a chair shot puts him down. Test hits a big elbow off the pod…and Van Dam is out. Let’s see. Why is this stupid? Number one, the most over guy left is Big Show.

Second, now THERE’S NO ONE FOR TEST TO FIGHT, so it’s just dead time now. Third, you had FREAKING TEST beat RVD. We’re still just sitting around after two replays of the elbow and just waiting on ANYTHING to happen. The fans have completely turned on the match at this point and don’t care at all. Thankfully the next guy in is Lashley.

He gets NO pop at all. Heyman’s security try to hold him in the pod, but using the WOODEN table in the pod with him, he breaks the STEEL chains on top of the pod. ARE YOU CENSORED KIDDING ME??? The table is still in the pod mind you so it’s not like it’s even being used. They keep ramming Test into the Plexiglas to set up Lashley vs. Show.

Yeah, that’s what this whole thing is supposed to end with: the massive showdown between Show and a heavily muscled guy. I know I’ve said it before, but Vince has to have repressed homosexual desires towards musclemen. I mean really, is there any doubt of it at this point? The fans HATE this mind you.

A spear puts Test out with a minute and a half left until Show comes out. In other words, we have nothing to do but wait for the time to run out. You might as well quit reading now as you know exactly what’s coming. Show comes in with his barbed wire ball bat and naturally he gets in no offense as it’s ALL Lashley here.

He avoids the chokeslam and they slug it out. Lashley is terrible in the ring at this point mind you, so this is even more torture. And he wins it with a spear. The main event is over two hours and five minutes into the show.

Rating: D-. This was just completely ridiculous for reasons I’ve already gone into. For another thing, SABU, the guy that has somehow made a whole career out of doing stupid stunts in a ring, is left out here in favor of Holly. Are you freaking KIDDING? This was just so dumb and nothing more than Vince deciding that he’s smarter than the fans once again.

And that’s it. No seriously, the show which cost 40 dollars started at 8pm and was over at 10:05pm, the last 4 minutes being the celebration by Lashley. Do I even need to insult this?

Overall Rating: I. For incomplete. Where’s the last 45 minutes of this? I know WWE cuts their shows early, but this was inexcusable. Not only does it end 40 minutes early, but there were two matches allegedly worth seeing and the Hardys vs. MNM was the only good thing of it at all. This wasn’t a PPV. It was Vince making sure that ECW died the way he wanted it to.

If Vince would listen once all night, he could have heard the fans BEGGING for this to be Punk but the rookie muscle guy gets it instead. Heyman was of course blamed for the whole thing because while he wrote the show, it was his third one or so and the only reason he went with it was because Vince wouldn’t accept anything.

Like I said, the initial idea was Punk puts Show out in about three minutes and we end with Van Dam, Punk and Lashley (if we have to) in a 20 minute war. Alas, that would have been entertaining though so they went with Lashley being given the hero push so Vince would have nice wet dreams that night. This was an abomination and not a PPV at all.

Get the Hardys/MNM match if you like tag wrestling, but other than that don’t do anything with this show so Vince doesn’t get anything out of it. This was an insult to the fans at best and an ego trip by Vince of epic proportions.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Survivor Series 2006
Date: November 26, 2006
Location: Wachovia Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 15,400
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

After last year’s solid edition, the main event this year is Booker T vs. Batista. Think about that match for a minute and it just sounds like something that’s going to be dull. This is also a Last Chance match, meaning that if Batista doesn’t win the title here, he gets NO MORE CHANCES at Booker. If that’s not a sign as to what’s coming, you’re beyond my help. The other match that people remember here is Team DX vs. Team Rated-RKO. Let’s get to it.

This is the 20^th show so we talk about tradition and all that jazz. Then it turns into a regular video about a PPV, but a good one.

Team Legends vs. Spirit Squad

Ric Flair, Sgt. Slaughter, Ron Simmons, Dusty Rhodes

Kenny, Johnny, Nicky, Mikey

Slaughter is replacing a cancer ridden Roddy Piper. Actually he got very lucky as he got a concussion because of a Conchairto from Edge, and on the tests the cancer was found. Arn Anderson is here with the Legends and we get the awesome Horsemen music. The only member of the Squad still around is Nicky, more famous as Dolph Ziggler. Mikey is Mike Mondo in ROH at the moment.

Simmons and Mikey start things off and guess who wins the slugout. Simmons beats up all of them but Mitch, the fifth member of the squad not in the match, interferes and gets Ron on the floor. Mitch’s distraction leads to Simmons getting counted out. Mitch gets ejected but Simmons beats him up first. Anderson gets ejected as well for no apparent reason. The Philly fans are TICKED. Nicky comes in to face Sarge and he mocks the salute. Fan: “PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE!”

Sarge beats him up with ease and it’s off to Dusty for some gyrating and elbows to the arm. It’s off to Flair and you know the Philly fans are all for that one. A chop later and it’s right back to Slaughter who hooks the Cobra Clutch, but Dusty and Kenny come in to fight, allowing Johnny to kick Sarge in the head to give Nicky a pin. Off to Dusty who hits the bionic elbow for the immediate elimination of Nicky, making it 3-2. Dusty gets caught in the corner but he gyrates it off.

The Flip Flop and Fly takes Kenny down but another elbow misses, giving Kenny a rollup (with jeans) pin. It’s Kenny/Johnny/Mikey vs. Flair now with Mikey starting first. Flair chops him into the corner but Mikey starts punching away. Ric hits a quick atomic drop and gets a rollup with feet on the ropes (now THAT is vintage Flair) for the elimination. Kenny gets in some shots but ducks his head and gets cradled for the pin, leaving Flair vs. Johnny. Less than a minute later it’s a Figure Four to give Flair the win.

Rating: C-. This was exactly what it was expected to be and that’s all it should have been. The legends were there to have a feel good nostalgia moment and get eliminated so Flair, the only one who had been active in the last three years or so, could knock out all of the Squad and give the fans a feel good moment. Also it’s only about ten minutes long so it’s not like this was anything major. It’s not a good technical match, but if that’s what you’re expecting here, you missed the point entirely. Besides, the Squad was gone literally the next night.

Post match the Squad beats down Flair and the Legends….are nowhere in sight. Kind of a downer.

We recap Benoit vs. Chavo. Benoit came back from an injury and won the US Title but Vickie and Chavo, his former friends, wanted nothing to do with him. Chavo and Vickie didn’t like Rey making his name off Eddie’s legacy, which is true but I don’t blame Rey for it. Chavo injured Rey’s knee (Mysterio needed time off for surgery) but when Benoit tried to make the save, the Guerreros weren’t happy. I’ve heard of worse reasons for a title match. There was some nonsense about Eddie’s estate that I don’t remember going anywhere. That would be one of those worse reasons.

US Title: Chris Benoit vs. Chavo Guerrero

Benoit, the champion, pounds away to start and hits a quick backbreaker for one. Some knees to the ribs set up a snap suplex for another two. Chavo comes back with a bunch of forearms and stomps in the corner, only to get caught in the Crossface. Vickie makes the save by putting Chavo’s boot on the face. JBL: “You don’t know what she shaves Chavo.” Chavo hits a pair of suplexes for two and it’s off to a chinlock.

Benoit comes out of it with a Samoan Drop of all things but gets dropkicked right back down for two. Another suplex is countered and Benoit rolls some Germans to set up the Swan Dive. Vickie grabs Benoit’s foot and the distraction makes the Swan Dive miss, sending his head crashing into the mat again. Chavo suplexes him down (again) but the Frog Splash only gets two. Benoit loads up the Sharpshooter but gets kicked off into Vickie who is on the apron. There’s the Crossface and Chavo taps out.

Rating: D+. That’s likely a bit low but this was a dull match. Chavo came off as more of an annoyance than a challenge here and that never makes for an entertaining match. I still shudder whenever I see Benoit take a head shot like he did off the Swan Dive as I always wonder which shot was the point of no return for him.

Watch the Extreme Elimination Chamber at December to Dismember! NEXT SUNDAY!!!

Lita says that she’s done after tonight’s match (that’s actually true) and she’s glad it’s in front of these horrible fans in Philadelphia. Edge makes some Donovan McNabb jokes and says his team is going to take out Team DX. After he leaves, Cryme Tyme leaves Lita’s locker room with a box of her stuff.

Women’s Title: Lita vs. Mickie James

Lita is defending. I miss Mickie with those skirts that keep flying up. Lita slaps Mickie in the face to start, causing Mickie to choke away in the corner. The champ comes back by literally throwing Mickie around which is a bit less than what you would expect from someone as talented as Lita. Mickie goes up and gets slammed off the top as this is one sided so far.

A quick snap suplex gets two for Lita as this continues to be slow. I can’t at all complain about the upskirt shots of Mickie though. Off to a sleeper by Lita which is the last thing this match needed. Mickie gets in the ropes and avoids a charge in the corner. She goes up and is immediately suplexed down for two. Now the fans think Lita has herpes.

Mickie hits a SWEET spinning kick to take Lita’s head off followed by a fisherman’s suplex for two (and a GREAT crotch shot of Mickie). Moonsault gets two for Lita but the Edgecution is countered, giving Mickie two. They trade rollups and Mickie hits the jumping DDT to retire Lita and win the title.

Rating: D. Most of that is for getting great views of Mickie and Lita’s rocking cleavage. Other than that, this was some pretty uninspired stuff. Lita left when she should have as she had nothing left to accomplish and no one like Trish to work with. Pretty terrible match here but it passed the torch to Mickie who was indeed the future of the division.

Lita asks for a microphone and makes Lillian tell the crowd to cheer for her. She doesn’t like being booed and is glad to get to leave in front of Philly because its fans suck. Here’s Cryme Tyme with a box of Lita’s stuff they stole earlier. They’re having a HO Sale and it’s cash only. The first item sold: Lita’s yeast infection medicine for one dollar.

Cryme Tyme realizes JBL is at the announce table and offer the goods to him. He says he’s the only person in America who doesn’t have some of Lita’s panties so he gives them $100. The next item: Lita’s vibrator. Dang she’s bored in the locker room. That goes for 25 bucks and there’s only one thing left. It’s cheap, it’s wide, you can put your head in it: it’s Lita’s box. That goes for I think 20 bucks to end a hilarious segment.

Batista has nothing to say about the title match tonight. Booker attacked Batista at the contract signing and hit him in the throat with a scepter. After seeing a clip of it, Batista says he’s leaving tonight with the title.

Team DX vs. Team Rated-RKO

Shawn Michaels, HHH, Hardy Boys, CM Punk

Edge, Randy Orton, Johnny Nitro, Mike Knox, Gregory Helms

This is Punk’s first major match and Jeff is IC Champion. DX plays to the crowd for a LONG time before the heel entrances. The fans of course LOVE Punk, so he gets to ask if the fans are ready. I believe Helms, the current Cruiserweight Champion, is feuding with Matt Hardy at this point. Knox has some chick named Kelly Kelly with him and at the moment, she’s an exhibitionist. Rated-RKO are the Raw Champions too so most of the gold in the company is in this match.

HHH asks Kelly to flash him and has Shawn cover his eyes. Knox comes in to stop it, Shawn kicks him in the face to eliminate him. Shawn to HHH: “Who was that guy?” Points for a funny bit if nothing else. Nitro comes in to speed things up but Shawn slides to the floor and puts his arm around Melina. We’ve got a comedy match here. Off to Jeff who works on the arm of Nitro. Apparently these two have been feuding a bit too lately.

Off to Matt so the Hardys can hit some nice double team stuff. Nitro finally gets in a shot to the face and it’s off to Helms. Matt is slammed off the top and it’s off to Edge to stomp on Matt. Well that’s appropriate. Back to Helms for a suplex and it’s immediately off to Orton. After some very basic stuff, here’s Nitro again so Melina can SCREECH. Matt hooks the Side Effect and there’s the tag to Punk. Punk immediately starts his strikes and hits the knee/bulldog in the corner.

Nitro blocks the Rock Bottom but the second attempt (with an assist from Matt) sets up the Vice for the tap out. Edge comes in to face Punk and you can feel the internet’s orgasm coming (pun intended). Punk pounds on him in the corner but Orton guillotines Punk on the top rope to give the heels their first advantage. Randy comes in and hits a dropkick for two before it’s back to Helms. After some knees to the face, Helms hits a one knee Codebreaker to put Punk down.

Back to Orton for a slugout with Punk, resulting in the RKO taking Punk down. Why Randy can’t cover immediately isn’t quite clear but Shawn makes the save anyway. Edge gets the tag but spears the buckle. JR: “That middle turnbuckle isn’t in the match!” Hot tag brings in HHH to face Helms and the beating is on fast. A facebuster puts Helms down but the Edge-O-Matic breaks up the Pedigree. Everything breaks down and Jeff and Shawn dive on Rated-RKO.

Matt comes in with the Twist on Helms followed by a Swanton to make it 5-2. The heels take their belts and walk but the Hardys will have none of that. Team DX take turns beating up both members and it’s Sweet Chin Music to eliminate Edge. So it’s Orton vs. five guys now and Randy tries to run, but the Hardys and Punk stop him. Back in and it’s Chin Music and the Pedigree to complete the sweep.

Rating: C-. This was entertaining but when you consider the captains were in a pretty big feud, this is kind of a questionable ending. The guy that gets the big rub here is Punk, as he goes from a guy on the C show to rubbing elbows with two of the biggest stars ever and one of the best tag teams ever. Fun match here but it didn’t really accomplish much.

We recap Kennedy vs. Undertaker. Basically Kennedy wants to break the legend of Taker, or about the same thing as about half the feuds Taker has had in years. It’s a first blood tonight because Kennedy busted Taker open on Smackdown recently. Kennedy got a blood bath from Taker’s magic powers.

Kennedy isn’t worried but MVP comes up and notices the vasoline on Kennedy’s forehead. Apparently these two are friends.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Undertaker

I keep typing Anderson instead of Kennedy. Kennedy immediately drops to the floor to try to get an early advantage, but as soon as they get back in Taker punches him down. We head back to the floor and Kennedy gets punched over the announce table with Taker in total control. We head to the crowd and Taker hits a pair of headbutts. Back to ringside and Kennedy gets in his first big move by sending Taker into the steps.

Kennedy tries to dive off the apron but gets caught and rammed into the post. This has been almost all Taker so far. We head back in and Taker busts out a freaking superplex to put Kennedy down. The offense looks good but don’t you need to go for the head? I don’t know if internal bleeding counts but it’s the best I can come up with. Kennedy hits Taker low but Taker immediately comes back with a kick to the face.

A buckle was taken off somewhere in there by Kennedy but Taker sends him into it twice in a row. Kennedy kicks Taker low again and Kennedy is bleeding from the mouth. He rolls to the floor before the referee can see it and here’s MVP with a towel to clean up the blood. They start to walk away, but MVP throws Kennedy back in the ring which is payback for Kennedy doing the same thing to MVP on Smackdown.

Taker pounds away in the corner but Kennedy drops him face first on the exposed buckle. Kennedy starts pounding away but MVP brings in a chair to hit….someone, but it winds up hitting Taker and busts him open to give Kennedy the upset win. The fans boo that out of the building because Taker is such a legend at this point.

Rating: C. This was a decent brawl but the ending, which was to advance Taker/Kane vs. MVP/Kennedy, kind of sucks. The feud just never worked because at the end of the day, it’s two guys who are career midcarders at this point against two former world champions who can beat up anyone. Kennedy never got to the point where they wanted him to be due to various reasons, but this is the fifth former world champion he had beaten.

Kennedy beats up Taker post match but Taker snaps up and pounds him down as well. Taker WHACKS him with the chair to get a gasp from the crowd. JBL LOSES IT as Kennedy gets beaten up even more and tombstoned.

Buy Piper’s DVD! No really, that one is worth checking out. Stay FAR away from his book though. It’s HORRIBLE.

Sharmell tells Booker to be excited because tonight is Batista’s last chance.

Team Cena vs. Team Big Show

John Cena, Kane, Bobby Lashley, Sabu, Rob Van Dam

Big Show, Test, MVP, Finlay, Umaga

Let’s see. It’s Philadelphia and we’ve got Sabu and RVD on one team. Who do you think the fans are going to be cheering for? Cena is Raw World Champion and Big Show is ECW Champion. Umaga is still undefeated and a monster. Naturally Cena is booed out of the building. Cena and Umaga start things off with Cena knocking Umaga to the floor. Everything breaks down and Umaga gets a monitor to knock out RVD for a DQ. Umaga also destroys the rest of Team Cena because that’s what savages do.

We finally get down to Finlay vs. RVD but it’s quickly off to Test for some bland big man power stuff. Back to Irish dude for some stomping and then to really mix things up, MVP comes in and stomps as well. Van Dam is bleeding from the mouth as MVP puts on a chinlock. Rob comes back with a cradle for two and a spin kick to take MVP down. Van Dam kicks all of the heels including a LOUD one to Finlay. Test tries to ram RVD into the post but since he’s big and dumb, Test’s head goes into it instead. Kane chokeslams MVP and the Five Star gets the pin for Rob.

While Van Dam is getting up, Test immediately comes in and kicks his head off to make it 4-3. Test gets sent to the floor and Lashley spears him down, followed by a tornado DDT from Sabu back inside for the pin. Show immediately chokeslams Sabu to make it 3-2 and it’s time for the giants to fight. Oh joy indeed. They both grabs chokeslam grips but here’s Hornswoggle (the Little Bastard at the moment) for a distraction. Finlay clocks Kane with that club that I can’t spell so Show can pin Kane after a chokeslam. Starting with MVP’s pin, those five eliminations all came within less than two minutes. I didn’t skip anything in there.

To recap, it’s Show/Finlay vs. Cena/Lashley. Cena comes in to face the monster but is immediately taken down. Off to Finlay for a clothesline and some good old fashioned cheating. Show sends Cena flying off a headbutt and it’s back to the heel corner. After more of a beating, Cena fights them both off and makes the hot tag to Lashley. Powerslam is escaped but a spear puts Finlay down for two.

A double clothesline from Show puts Cena and Lashley down and here’s Horny again. Cena loads him up in the FU and in the distraction, Lashley spears Finlay down to make it 2-1. Both good guys take their turns on Show including stuff like double DDTs and double suplexes. JR calls Cena cock strong and I don’t want to know what that one means. Lashley breaks up the chokeslam with a spear and the FU gets the final pin.

Rating: D. As I was writing that, it felt like I was just saying what was happening and nothing special was going on. The reason it felt like nothing was going on was because nothing was going on. This match was as paint by numbers as you could ever ask for and that makes for a VERY dull match. Cena hitting the FU on Show is always worth seeing, but this didn’t work at all.

JR says that Lashley is debuting at Survivor Series tonight which is flat out wrong. To be a bit fair though, JR wasn’t on commentary for that match last year.

The Extreme Elimination Chamber is coming.

We recap Booker T vs. Batista. Booker won the King of the Ring and became a king with a bad British accent before winning the title off Rey Mysterio. He kept cheating to beat Batista and tonight is Big Dave’s last shot at the title unless he wins. Batista never lost the title in the first place and had to drop it due to injury, so tonight is his last chance to regain what he thinks is still his.

Before the match, Teddy comes out and says that if Booker gets counted out or DQ’ed, he loses the title.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. Booker T

Booker is defending in case you’re really stupid. Batista jumps him in the aisle and the referee says you have to get it in the ring. Why? Batista can win the title via countout, so no he doesn’t need to get it in the ring. Booker fires off some chops in the corner and is immediately punched in the face for his efforts. A suplex puts Booker down but he escapes an early Batista Bomb attempt.

After Booker gets back in, Batista hits a clothesline for two. This isn’t really working so far. Booker finally comes back with a hot shot to take over before slingshotting Batista’s throat into the bottom rope. Batista comes back with some right hands but Booker pokes him in the eye. We’re about five minutes into this and it’s not clicking at all. Big Dave comes out of nowhere with a side slam for two followed by a Jackhammer. Why has no one made that a finisher since Goldberg? It’s a good power move but no one uses it really. That’s very odd.

A Boss Man Slam gets two for Batista and they head to the apron to slug it out. Cole brings up a good question: what happens if there’s a double countout or double DQ? Presumably it would be a draw and Booker keeps the title? Right? A Sharmell distraction lets Booker take over as JBL goes on a tirade about Teddy Long being racist. Side kick puts Batista down for two. We hit a chinlock to fill in some time which is probably the last thing they should do right now. Batista comes back with some right hands and a belly to belly suplex for two.

Batista cranks things up and knocks Booker to the floor before sending him into the steps. Back in and a top rope shoulder gets two. The spinebuster gets the same but Booker grabs the Bookend for two. Batista comes back with the Batista Bomb but the champ grabs the rope. Sharmell gives Booker the title, Batista takes it from him and clocks Booker with it, new champion. Yep that’s really how this ends. Not with a Batista Bomb, but with Batista cheating.

Rating: D-. A horrible match to end a horrible show is always appropriate. Batista getting the title back was probably the right move as he was insanely over and hadn’t been champion since January. This match didn’t work at all though and it was the last time Booker would be near the world title, which is probably a good thing if he’s as bad as he looked here.

Overall Rating: D-. When the second best match of your show is a group of guys in their late fifties or early sixties beating up male cheerleaders for ten minutes, your show is in trouble. There’s NOTHING worth seeing here at all and this show sucked. The other odd thing here is where the time went.

This show runs about two hours and forty minutes and the longest match (main event) doesn’t break fourteen minutes. There’s no big segment on it either so I have no idea where the time went. Other than the main event nothing is awful but there’s nothing worth watching. Either way, this is an awful show and probably the worst since the 90s.

Ratings Comparison

Team Legends vs. Spirit Squad

Original: C+

Redo: C-

Chris Benoit vs. Chavo Guerrero

Original: B

Redo: D+

Mickie James vs. Lita

Original: B

Redo: D

Team DX vs. Team Rated-RKO

Original: B

Redo: C-

Mr. Kennedy vs. Undertaker

Original: C+

Redo: C

Team Cena vs. Team Big Show

Original: D+

Redo: D

Batista vs. Booker T

Original: D-

Redo: D-

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: D-

WHAT WAS I THINKING ON THOSE EARLIER MATCHES???

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/15/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-2006-who-thought-batista-vs-booker-was-a-good-idea/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

ECW on Sci-Fi
Date: October 31, 2006
Location: Bradley Center, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

It’s Halloween (ish) and the main story is that Van Dam can challenge for the world title anytime he wants. Things are starting to pick up a bit around here, but the Test/Holly stuff is dragging it WAY down. Striker isn’t much either but he’s not terrible as a character. We’re inching closer to December to Dismember and it’s the go home show for Cyber Sunday 2006 as well. Let’s get to it.

We open with a long recap of the main event from last week. Why would Heyman give ROB VAN DAM a LADDER match to get his world title shot?

Here’s Heyman in the back with something to say. Apparently Van Dam has picked December To Dismember for his title shot, but Heyman says that the stipulations were never named. They’ll be two of the six men in the first ever EXTREME ELIMINATION CHAMBER!!! Oh dear goodness…..not that. Please?

Theme song.

Tonight it’s Van Dam/Holly vs. Show/Test.

Extreme Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: Sabu vs. Kevin Thorn

There are various people in Halloween costumes at ringside but they’re no one in particular. Sabu takes out the leg of Thorn and quickly knocks him out to the floor. Sabu hits part of a flip dive to the outside and a slingshot splash back into the ring. Thorn comes back with a sitout powerbomb and it’s off to a chinlock. Sabu will have none of that and comes back with a pair of springboard elbows for two. An Ariel distraction allows Thorn to clothesline Sabu out of the air for two but Kevin walks into a springboard DDT for a delayed two. Another slingshot legdrop sets up the camel clutch to send Sabu to the Chamber.

Rating: C. This was a quick match to send Sabu to the Chamber. Thorn never quite worked and was never pushed as a top guy on ECW, so it’s not like this is a big loss for him. For a TV opener though this was fine and the ECW fans still love Sabu, so there was never any doubt at all as to who was winning.

Sandman talks about how he’s going to get the match against Umaga when a clown (not Doink) comes by and gets beaten up with some cane shots. Ok then.

The Marine stuff because we can’t go a week without hearing about it. Now they’re talking about the alligators in the movie, I kid you not.

Tazz gives Joey a noose for Halloween. This show is getting creepier every minute.

Daivari vs. Shannon Moore

This is Daivari and Khali returning after about three months off all WWE TV. Daivari cranks on the arm to start and gets two off a slam. They slug it out and after a quick burst of offense from Shannon, a DDT gets the pin for Daivari.

Khali destroys Shannon post match.

RVD isn’t worried about the Chamber and isn’t surprised that Heyman would pull this. He looks rather stoned here. Holly comes up and talks about the back injury he had a few weeks ago. They’re partners tonight. He says he’s got RVD’s back tonight in a nice pun.

It’s time for an ECW Diva Halloween Costume Contest. There are only three chicks in it: Kelly, Trinity and Ariel. Trinity is in her usual attire: a thong and topless other than caution tape in certain areas. Ariel is in her usual attire and admits it’s not a costume. Kelly is….CM Punk? Yep that’s apparently right. Since she’s the only one in what you would call a costume, she should win but come on: Trinity is in caution tape and that’s it. Thankfully, Trinity wins by a landslide. Apparently she’s a crime scene. Ok then.

Post contest Mike Knox comes out to yell at Kelly. Punk makes the save and beats down Knox.

After a break Knox challenges Punk to a match next week.

We look at the people in costumes again. There are a few whose faces you can’t see.

Rob Van Dam/Hardcore Holly vs. Big Show/Test

Test and Van Dam get things going with Test choking away in the corner via a boot. Van Dam avoids a charge in the corner but a middle rope cross body is caught. Rob escapes and kicks Test down but stops to jaw with Show. Another spin kick puts Test down and here’s Holly. Holly chokes in the corner a bit and gets a boot up in the corner to stagger Test again.

The fans are all over Big Show and it’s back to RVD. Test gets in a shot though and rams Van Dam into Show’s foot. For some reason there’s no tag though and Test is knocked to the outside. Rob charges into a forearm from the apron but cross bodies Test to the floor as we take a break. Back with the same match we had before we left and Test clotheslining Van Dam down for no cover.

Test chokes away in the corner and it would be nice to see a tag. Instead Test does Van Dam’s thumb point and gets caught with the stepover kick. There’s the tag to Holly and now it’s Big Show with the tag as well. After some basic kicks to the legs from Holly, Show goes into his usual offense, which means standing on Holly and doing basic moves that mean more because he’s huge.

A headbutt puts Holly down and it’s back to Test. Holly tries to fight out of an arm hold but Test runs him right back over. Show sits down on the arm Test was working over but misses a slow motion Vader Bomb. There’s the hot tag to Van Dam who goes toe to toe with Show and takes out the leg with a reverse chopblock. Rolling Thunder gets two as everything breaks down. The referee goes down as Holly hits the Alabama Slam on Test, only to get kicked in the face. Van Dam and Big Show head to the floor and a gorilla hits Van Dam in the back with a pipe. That and the chokeslam get the pin for Show on RVD.

Rating: C-. This was a watchable main event tag, but it ran nearly twenty minutes, which is a lot for a match featuring the four guys in here. I believe all four of them would wind up in the Chamber so this was kind of a preview for that. The costume was a bit pointless but it was Halloween after all so it’s understandable I guess.

Heyman is the gorilla.

Overall Rating: D+. This was all about starting the Chamber build which while sounding good on paper would wind up being a near disaster in execution. Either way, this wasn’t a horrible show overall, but it was a pretty weak time for the show at this point. Things would change huge after the PPV though.

Here’s Cyber Sunday if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2012/10/28/cyber-sunday-2006-a-moment-that-always-makes-me-laugh/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Cyber Sunday 2006
Date: November 5, 2006
Location: US Bank Arena, Cincinnati, Ohio
Attendance: 7,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re obviously on Sunday now as this should be a bit better of a show, at least in theory. We have a main event of Champion vs. Champion vs. Champion as Big Show vs. Booker T vs. John Cena is the main event. The vote is which title is on the line. This also has a very long Rated RKO vs. DX match on it and one of my favorite comedy moments ever in wrestling if not my favorite. All that being said let’s get to it.

The video is about how we have the power and it lists off most of the matches and the stipulations we can pick.

The first vote is who fights Umaga with the choices being Sandman, Kane or Benoit. Benoit, the US Champion, is last as Kane more or less dominates the poll with nearly 50%. And what a coincidence that these two had been feuding!

Umaga vs. Kane

Umaga had sent Kane to either Smackdown or ECW recently so again there’s a point to this, which is just so convenient no? It was Smackdown apparently. Umaga is still undefeated here. Kane can’t hurt him with a headbutt as it’s good to see that Vince is keeping up with his stereotypes. Total slugout to start and Kane no sells a bunch of stuff. Pretty boring match so far but what do you expect?

The Samoan hits a downward spiral of all things to take over. This needs to end already and we’re like three minutes into it. The running hip shot has Kane reeling. Ok apparently it woke him up. Is this supposed to make sense? A massive Samoan in your face wakes you up? Also what is it with Samoans and slamming into people in the corner?

Kane starts his comeback and has the…uh….small man in trouble. Estrada gets up on the apron to do nothing of note and Kane sits up after the Samoan Drop. This has gotten better if you couldn’t tell. He jumps off for the clothesline but jumps into the Samoan Spike and another one ends it.

Rating: D+. This got better but still not by much. It’s ok but that’s about all it was. Umaga would get a main event push very soon but it never really went anywhere either. This was a pretty decent opener I guess but the crowd was pretty much dead for it which is really weird. Kane jobs again. What a shock that is.

Show and Sharmell talk and Sharmell tries to talk Show out of the match. Oh wait she wants them to team up. This is generic and stupid but it’s standard fair for shows and matches like these.

Cryme Tyme vs. Viscera/Charlie Haas vs. The Highlanders vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

The options are Texas Tornado, Fatal Fourway or Tag Team Turmoil with the insane one winning. Texas Tornado means everyone is in the ring at the same time. No titles or anything but rather just a match to fill out the card. Tornado gets half the vote and it’s a big mess. I remember Viscera and Charlie as a team but have no idea why. This is a total mess of course.

Who would imagine that JTG would be the only one left in the company at this point and that Viscera is the most famous name in this match somehow. I’m not even going to try to keep track of what’s going on here as it’s a free for all. JTG and Charlie are the only ones in the ring. Great German suplex by Haas to take over but they’re replaced almost immediately by Shad and Viscera.

Shad has been arrested 23 times for assault. The Highlanders get rid of the fat man as Cade and Murdoch take over. And then JTG hits a kick to end it. Sure whatever. They dance on the announce table after the match and teach JR the handshake. And there goes King’s laptop. Racial stereotyping FTW! Yes I said FTW.

Rating: D. Total mess here with no flow or story in sight but that was the idea I guess. It was just a big disaster with everyone all over the place. It was to put Cryme Tyme over but of course they never wound up doing anything. They would get fired sooner or later here but I’m not sure when. It’s not like it matters or anything so whatever.

Time for the moment referenced in the title.  Shawn and HHH are at a computer with Shawn voting on who should be the referee in their match tonight.  They’ve tormented Coach and Vince enough, so that leaves Bischoff.  HHH tells Shawn he’s not controversial enough anymore, sending Shawn into a frenzy.  He asks a production guys what his name is.  Production guy: “Stan.”  Shawn: “Stan?” Then he superkicks Stan.  It’s so out of nowhere that it works perfectly.  Then Shawn runs down the hall, superkicking everyone he runs into.  Youtube this.  It’s hilarious and cracks me up every time.

The next pick is for Jeff Hardy’s opponent with the choices being Johnny Nitro, Shelton Benjamin and Carlito, who wins in a LANDSLIDE with over 60% of the vote.

Intercontinental Title: Carlito vs. Jeff Hardy

The title was getting a bit of a rejuvenation around this time before dying again soon after this due to one Santino. I think both are faces here but I’m not sure. They shake hands so I’d assume so. They do some mat/technical stuff but it’s botched pretty badly. And there’s another semi-botch. Either they’re doing a really weird style or they’re just botching a lot of stuff. Someone really wants Carlito to cut his hair.

Hardy’s rail running clothesline is countered by a dropkick in a decent looking move. Twist of Fate is reversed as this is getting better. The one that isn’t on national TV at the moment controls as we’re just waiting around a lot at this point. What we’re waiting for I’m not sure but the fans think this is boring. I can’t say I disagree. We’ve had a lot of Carlito using a reverse bearhug on the mat. Yes he’s being lazy. I’m shocked too.

From that we head to a sleeper. I bet the concession stand people are loving this. Crowd is pretty dead for this and I can’t blame them at all. I love people complaining about Cole and Lawler now as he and JR are botching a ton of lines here. Jeff makes a comeback but the Swanton hits knees. Whisper in the Wind gets two as this part at least is good. Carlito misses a hurricanrana and the Swanton finally ends it.

Rating: D+. The ending made it watchable but DANG the stalling here was stupid. They just laid around here far too long and it just was boring for the most part. It’s about 13 minutes long but the majority of that is just Carlito doing rest holds. This could have been good if Carlito wasn’t so lazy, but then again if he wasn’t he’d still be employed.

Ad for one of Hogan’s DVDs.

We recap DX vs. Rated RKO which was about Orton and Edge teaming up to take Raw back from DX and its selfishness. This was a cool idea for an angle but of course HHH got hurt as he was known to do. Naturally this allows us to have a DX montage package since that’s just what you do. The choices here are Vince, Coach or Bischoff.

D-Generation X Vs. Rated RKO

DX’s intro takes forever of course even though they come out first. Bischoff gets sixty percent of the vote, beating Vince and Coach combined. This makes me question the legitimacy here as Bischoff getting that many especially with Vince in the poll is REALLY odd. He’s going to be against DX here for no adequately explained reason. It says a lot when HBK, probably the best and biggest star of these four, is the one with the least world titles on his resume.

We see Edge’s back as Shawn pulls his tights down. We’ll he’s had it done so often to him I guess he had to return the favor to someone. HHH says he’s coming in off the top then says screw it and just climbs down. That was kind of funny. It was completely pointless but it was kind of funny. All DX to start here but I think that was more or less expected. Lots of punching here so far but we’re only a few minutes into it.

Orton is really arrogant here and is perfect as the total jerk. He’s not quite as good as he was two years before, but he was great back then so it’s hard to call him at his best. Shawn comes in and we get the forearm and nip-up like five minutes into this. Orton stops Chin Music though and crotches Shawn. He plays Ricky Morton now, which says a lot about how much the Midnights and the Rock N Roll Express changed and influenced wrestling.

Shawn’s selling really is great. You would believe he’s been run over by a bus off of every move he takes, which really makes the other guy look devastating. Naturally, Orton hits a chinlock. Shawn gets out of the way of a spear and down goes Bischoff to a solid pop. Naturally DX waits for a tag to have HHH come in even though there’s no referee. Uh…moral?

Spear takes down HHH and Edge does a crotch chop so he takes a plancha from Shawn for his troubles. RKO puts HHH down and here’s a spare referee to count the two. This all took like a minute so sorry for the commentary. Sweet Chin Music to Orton gets two since Bischoff pulls the referee out of the ring. A chair is brought in and both DX guys get popped with it and Bischoff doesn’t seem to mind. RKO on the chair ends it.

Rating: B-. Not bad here but there was just something missing. It felt rushed even though this somehow was pushing 20 minutes. The beginning is just a bunch of punches and then Shawn got in trouble, setting up the ref bump and the ending. It’s definitely a good match but this could have been more if the time they had was used more properly, which isn’t something you often have to say about a match Shawn is in.

Ad for The Marine, which wasn’t that bad.

Rated RKO says nothing of note.

The Divas come out to be told who to do. Make your own jokes on that one. It’s a lumberjack match.

Women’s Title: Mickie James vs. Lita

Trish retired so we had a four Diva tournament to set this up. Lita is about a month from retiring at this point so she’s more or less destined to win. Mickie throws the absolute worst dropkick anyone with a great rack has ever thrown. This is horrible but at least we get to look at Mickie’s figure. Lita as a heel just doesn’t work from an in ring perspective. She hooks on a sleeper that does fairly well.

Not that it wins or anything since it’s a freaking sleeper but nice try if nothing else. Instead of a match here, Lita seems like she’s just there doing moves on Mickie with no particular rhyme or reason. The girls do their thing of course and nothing of note is going on here at all. Lita blocks/Mickie botches the Stratusfaction and Mickie gets a rollup for two. The other Divas get involved and a spike DDT ends it for Lita.

Rating: D. This was boring really. The only highlights were Mickie and Lita’s chest. Other than that we were just sitting around watching this nonsense go on and on. The match never went anywhere as it’s clear Lita just didn’t care anymore. Mickie would win the title from Lita at Survivor Series in Lita’s retirement match.

Mania is in Detroit.

Kenny yells at the Spirit Squad and says he’s better than they are so he’s the leader.

Raw Tag Titles: Ric Flair/??? vs. Spirit Squad

The vote is for Flair’s partner. The choices are Piper, Slaughter and Dusty. Piper, looking VERY old, gets the nod. Is there supposed to be a connection between Slaughter and Flait that I’m just not getting? Piper takes his shirt off and I get mad at him. How could he not tell us he was 8 months pregnant? He even has breasts full of milk! Dusty and Slaughter come out to back up the old guys for this.

Kenny and Mikey are the two in the ring at the moment. Ross says this is like Lebron vs. Michael Jordan. Well no one ever claimed Ross toned things down. Both tag and Piper is pathetic looking. Piper gets beaten up as Flair is by far the ace of the team. That’s either awesome or sad and I’m not sure which. The heels dominate for the most part while Piper just kind of lays there.

The hot tag brings in Flair and Mikey is in the figure four but Kenny saves with his top rope legdrop. Are we waiting on the Piper hot tag now? It’s clear that Flair is the only guy on his team in any semblance of shape. Figure four goes on again and OLD GUYS WIN! Dusty and Slaughter come in to stop the big beatdown. Rhodes’ music of all things plays them out. Ah ok it’s so they can dance.

Rating: D-. This was pretty pathetic really. Flair is passable but Piper was clearly just in nothing close to wrestling shape. He would at least wear a t-shirt for the rest of his time in the ring which is a nice break. They would drop the belts in 8 days to Rated RKO so at least this wasn’t long or anything. The match was bad though, namely due to Piper.

Booker tries to get Cena on his side and Cena says ok, but he wants one night with the Queen. Can’t say he’s not smart as Sharmell is rather attractive. Booker sends Sharmell out and then says ok to a HUGE shocked pop. Cena asks if he’s crazy as that’s Booker’s wife. He leaves and makes up a story to Sharmell about this weird orgy that he gets to watch. Funnier than it sounds, and Ron Simmons says his catchphrase.

Ad for Survivor Series, where it’s brand vs. brand vs. brand.

Some Bengals are here.

We see how all three champions got their titles in a cool package.

Basically you’re voting for who you want to win here since no title is going to be unified here. Booker wins by a landslide.

Smackdown World Title: Booker T vs. John Cena vs. Big Show

Booker is knocked to the floor almost immediately and it’s Cena vs. Show for a long time. We swap that out for Booker vs. Cena as it’s clearly going to be a basic triple thread with two guys fighting for awhile as the third is down. Show gets two and Cena makes the save. A double clothesline puts the big man on the floro and something tells me that’s the last we’re going to see from him for a LONG time.

Of course I’m wrong as he makes a save off a Fisherman’s suplex from Cena. Show gets the stairs but gets a dropkick to his knee, driving his head into the steps. Ok that’s how they get rid of him. Book End gets two in the ring. Just to mess with the internet, Cena hits a belly to belly suplex and goes for a top rope splash. Lawler points out Cena has nothing to lose here which is true.

It’s been Booker vs. Cena for about 4 minutes now with Show on the floor. Both counter the other’s finisher and we’re about even. STFU doesn’t work as this just isn’t that much at all, mainly because we know nothing is coming from this since Show is going to be back eventually to stop whatever is going on here. Token plug for the Marine follows as Cena is in control.

After about seven minutes Show is finally up. That’s part of the issue with matches like these: a move like that would never keep a guy down that long but here it’s perfectly normal. A missile dropkick puts Show down and takes Cena down with him since Cena was on Show’s shoulders. Wow that came out awkward but you get the idea. Show takes over now and takes Cena to the floor.

And so much for that theory as Show gets put down (and booed loudly) before the 5 Knuckle Shuffle has Booker in trouble. FU to Sharmell as she tries to hit Cena with a belt. STFU on Booker and KEVIN FREAKING FEDERLINE comes in and blasts Cena with a belt. A belt shot from Booker lets him keep the title.

Rating: D+. Just a bad match overall. There was no way a title was changing here and since Show couldn’t stay in there longer than like two minutes at a time due to general fatness, this was a glorified one on one match. It’s a cool idea on paper but other than that it’s really not that much. The over twenty minutes did go by quickly though which was nice.

Overall Rating: D. These shows just aren’t that good. The voting thing is a cool idea but the problem comes when the matches simply aren’t any good no matter what you throw out there. The Champion of Champions match was a good idea but it was really weak given Show laying on the ground for most of it. Like I’ve said for a long time, these should be TV specials rather than PPVs. Nothing big ever happens and the tag titles changing hands is almost predictable at this point. Bad show, but not too bad.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

ECW on Sci-Fi
Date: October 24, 2006
Location: Scottrade Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

More ECW goodness here as we inch closer to Cyber Sunday and the Champion of Champions match which means we’re inching closer to December to Dismember and the night ECW was thrown off a cliff. The main event tonight is a ladder match between Van Dam and Big Show, which may or may not be for a shot at Show’s title. The only other thing I have to say is this is being written six years to the day of the show which isn’t interesting but it fills in some lines. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap from last week with Van Dam pinning Big Show. During that match, Hardcore Holly saved Van Dam from an attack by Test.

Theme song.

Here’s RVD to open things up. He brags about being the first guy to beat the Big Show and says he wants the world title shot now. Here’s Heyman with his security who praises RVD and has a contract for a title match for RVD. But that contract is going to be held above the ring and must be retrieved using a ladder. Why would Heyman agree to give Van Dam his specialty match to get a title shot? Why not make it like a body slam challenge or something like that? Either way, the security jumps Van Dam but gets beaten up just as quickly.

CM Punk vs. Matt Striker

Punk immediately hits a kind of spinebuster to take Striker down and Striker is in trouble on the mat. We get some chain wrestling before Punk sends him down to escape a cravate. They trade a series of hammerlocks but Striker finally grabs the rope to escape. Punk fires off knees to the head but gets sent shoulder first into the post. Striker works on the arm for a bit but Punk kicks him in the head to escape. The knee in the corner and the bulldog sets up Punk’s finishing sequence but Mike Knox runs in for the DQ.

Rating: D+. This was a squash until we got to Punk getting beaten up for the DQ. Striker was a fine character as the whole teacher thing worked really well, but at the end of the day the guy was not any good in the ring at all. There are only so many ways you can get around that and Striker never found one. Punk vs. Knox hopefully will end soon.

We get a quick recap of Holly going after Heyman a few weeks ago which also sets up Holly vs. Test tonight.

Test vs. Hardcore Holly

Holly pounds away to start and Test is all BRING IT ON. Test drops to the floor and Holly is fine with taking it out there. He isn’t however fine with being sent into the post and being sent back in for more pounding from Test. Holly comes back with a kick and a legdrop as the fans aren’t thrilled with this match.

Test gets tied up in the ropes and Holly pounds away even more. That’s what this whole match has been for about three minutes or so now: punching and occasional kicking. Holly suplexes Test over the top and out to the floor as we take a break. Back with Test with a body grip on the mat. During the break Test rammed Holly’s back into the post three times. How nice of them to put that during the break and let us see this rest hold instead.

Test sends Holly into the corner for two and puts on a bearhug. Holly escapes and kicks a bent over Test in the face to put both guys down. A big back elbow puts test down as does a clothesline. Holly hits a top rope clothesline for two but Test elbows him down and goes up, only to get crotched. Holly gets two off a middle rope legdrop before escaping the pumphandle slam. The Alabama Slam is countered too so Holly kicks Test in the very low abdomen. Test pokes him in the eye and sends him shoulder first into the post. That and a rollup with a handful of tights gets the pin.

Rating: D. There are multiple problems here. Problem #1: the match sucked. It was mainly punching and kicking and boring back work which didn’t go anywhere. Second, at the end of the day this is Test vs. Hardcore Holly, the latter of which wrestling as a face. Holly, in this character at least, is one of the least likable guys in ECW. The other problem is the same one I’ve said many times: these guys are career midcarders in the WWE and it’s really hard to care about the two of them fighting. They’re on ECW because they’re not good enough to make it on Raw or Smackdown, and the match is evidence of that.

Post match Test hits Holly in the back with a chair a few times.

More Marine nonsense.

We run down a few matches for Cyber Sunday, including picking Umaga’s opponent. Sandman is an option, and Sandman says he thinks he’s the best option because it’ll be violent and bloody. Well Sandman never was much of a talker.

Rob Vam Dam vs. Big Show

It’s a ladder match and if Van Dam wins, he gets a title shot at Show at some point in the future. The bell rings after a break which is nice as we don’t have to waste part of the match later. Van Dam immediately gets a ladder which is a smart move….I think. Show throws the ladder out so Van Dam starts firing off kicks. He hits a slingshot legdrop to the back of the head to take over and brings the ladder back in. Show comes back with a headbutt and chop to take over.

Rob gets whipped into the ladder in the corner, sending him to the floor. Show tries a different approach, lifting the ladder in the air and swatting at the contract. Rob gets in a shot and brings in another ladder to blast Show in the head. Show is cut open and Van Dam leans a ladder against the corner. He shoves the ladder at Show and kicks said ladder against Show’s head. Nice move.

Rolling Thunder hits the ladder which is on top of Show but Rob’s back is hurt too. Rob goes up but Show shoves him onto the ropes to slow things down again. A ladder to the back keeps Show down and man is the champion bleeding badly. Show stands on a ladder on top of Van Dam and Rob is in trouble. Show spears Rob down to stop a comeback attempt and hits a simple punch to the head to take Rob down again.

Van Dam gets slammed down onto the ladder but Show’s Vader Bomb misses….as always. Are heels that confident that they keep trying the same moves over and over again even though it’s NEVER worked? There are big welts on Rob’s sides. The left side of Show’s face is COVERED in blood. He can see well enough to chokeslam Rob down but he’s slow and fat so it takes him forever go climb the ladder. Rob climbs up even faster and hits a seated senton into a rana over the top. Rob gets up and sprints up the ladder to get the contract for the win and the title shot. Apparently Van Dam gets to pick the time and place.

Rating: C+. The idea for a Big Show ladder match is to have the other guy use the ladder while Show uses his size and power with the ladder as the occasional prop. That worked here as it was Van Dam bouncing off Show the entire match and a high risk/leverage move that got the win for Van Dam. Good match here, especially for an ECW main event.

Overall Rating: C-. The main event was good, but the rest of the stuff here wasn’t working. Guys like Test and Holly are not interesting, especially when they’re the same guys they’ve been for years but on Tuesdays instead of Mondays. The main event stuff is fine, but the heels on this show other than Big Show are horrible at this point. Good main event, but a weak show overall.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

ECW on Sci-Fi
Date: October 17, 2006
Location: Jacksonville Memorial Coliseum, Jacksonville, Florida
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

We’re thankfully back to a normal wrestling show this week without the stupid 13 year old fan service. The main event tonight is Big Show vs. Rob Van Dam in a match that could set up a future title shot down the line. Looking at the card, we have five matches packed into an hour long show. That’s not bad at all and hopefully will make up for last week. Let’s get to it.

Matt Striker vs. Sandman

Singapore cane on a pole match. Sandman is already busted open from his entrance. They stare at each other to start before Striker sprints to the corner, because Sandman could never possibly catch him. In a bit smarter move, Striker goes after Sandy’s leg to keep him from being able to climb. Striker misses a middle rope elbow to the knee but Sandman can’t get to the cane. Matt backdrops Sandman off the top and actually gets the cane first. A few shots to Sandman don’t do much as Striker swings and misses, allowing Sandman to get the cane. After a few shots, Striker bails and loses by countout.

Rating: D+. The blood (from both guys) was helpful but this wasn’t even four minutes long. What are you expecting out of a gimmick match that doesn’t even go that long? This was a feud that worked as you kept waiting to see Sandman get to maul the weasel, but it would have been better if Striker was built up some more.

CM Punk vs. Rene Dupree

This is a rematch from last week. Rene slaps him to start, ticking off Punk enough that he charges into a quick hot shot. Rene gets in some more offense but Punk leg lariats him, hits his quick strikes, the Rock Bottom and the Anaconda Vice for the fast tap. This was nothing.

Mike Knox hits the ring post match but Punk is ready for him. Knox bails immediately when Punk calls him into the ring.

Rob talks about working his way back to the top and earning a shot at Big Show tonight. Van Dam says he’s the best at ECW (his words) and he can slay the dragon. He’ll get a shot eventually and he’ll be ready.

Here’s Test with something to say. Joey continues in vain to try to convince us that Test is a completely different guy now that he’s in ECW, as in he’s more intense or something. That’s the problem with most of the guys that came over to ECW: they’re the same guys we’ve seen for so many years and there really isn’t anything different. Test shows us a clip of Holly’s back getting sliced open a few weeks back and another of Test saving Heyman from Holly. Test makes fun of Holly for being out, which brings out Balls Mahoney to challenge him.

Test vs. Balls Mahoney

Balls jumps him to start and gets beaten down for his efforts. Mahoney’s shoulder is sent into the post and it’s off to an armbar because Test is such a known technical wrestler. Balls fights up and hits his signature punches and the Nutcracker Suite for two. Not that it matters though as the big boot takes Balls’ head off and the TKO gets the quick pin. This was just a step above a squash.

Sabu vs. Shannon Moore

For the first time during the intros, December to Dismsmber is mentioned. Oh sweet goodness we’re reaching that time already? Sabu takes him down very quickly and hits a leg lariat, sending Moore to the outside. A big flip dive takes Shannon out again and they head back inside. After some required generic offense from Moore, he misses a Whisper in the Wind style move and a slingshot legdrop gets the pin for Sabu. Another squash here.

Big Show talks about the Champion of Champions match at Cyber Sunday and doesn’t seem concerned about the match tonight.

Big Show vs. Rob Van Dam

Non-title here. They stare each other down for a bit and RVD points at himself. Rob pounds away to start and goes for the legs but gets kicked in the face for his troubles. Show gets guillotined on the top rope and a top rope gets gets two for RVD. Show knocks him to the floor as we take a break. Back with Show in control and dropping some elbows. There’s a chop in the corner and Rob tries some shots to come back, only to get run over again. Rob comes back with more right hands and another top rope kick, followed by Rolling Thunder for two.

Show comes back with a spear but it only gets two. The fans are getting way into this which is kind of surprising given how the match has been going so far. A Vader Bomb Elbow misses but a clothesline puts RVD right back into the corner. The referee gets bumped and Van Dam counters the chokeslam into a DDT. He loads up the Five Star but Test shoves him off the top and stomps away. Test grabs a chair and pokes Van Dam in the ribs with it but Hardcore Holly runs out and hits Test with the chair. Holly cracks Show with the chair twice and the Five Star gives Rob the upset win.

Rating: C+. I wasn’t liking this one at first but once they got rolling with Van Dam staying in there no matter what and trying to find a way to slay the giant I got into it. Someone had to give Show a challenge eventually and there’s no one more popular or credible than Van Dam in ECW. Better match than I was expecting.

Overall Rating: C+. What a difference it is when you get some wrestling instead of some stupid gimmick for the show which was mentioned all of once this entire show. RVD is the best choice for a challenger to Big Show as I don’t think he ever got a full rematch unless it was right after he lost the title. Much better show this week as we’re starting to get to December to Dismember.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

ECW on Sci-Fi
Date: October 10, 2006
Location: Kansas Coliseum, Topeka, Kansas
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

We’re past No Mercy and ECW had no involvement with it at all. We’re heading up to Cyber Sunday now where the ECW Champion would have a match but he wouldn’t defend his title. Tonight the main event is a six man tag with the major names on the show fighting the other major names. Things won’t really change around here for about two more months so we’re going to be in the same place for awhile. Oh and there’s Extreme Strip Poker tonight. Let’s get to it.

Balls Mahoney is the dealer for the poker game. We have Trinity, Kelly, Maria, Candice, Ashley and Krystal. Oh and it’s lowest card loses, not even poker. Ashley loses the first one and takes her shirt off. This is going to be a LONG show.

Theme song.

The announced main event is a six man tag, meaning I was looking at the wrong card earlier.

CM Punk vs. Rene Dupree

Punk dropkicks Dupree in the thigh to start and we cut to Kelly taking her shoes off. Dupress gets kicked in the face and pounded into the corner followed by a nearly botched backdrop. Punk heads to the apron and gets elbowed in the face as we head to the chinlock from Rene. Trinity loses her top. The guys in the ring slug it out and Punk blocks an O’Connor roll. Punk takes over and hits the knee/bulldog combo for two. There’s a powerslam for Punk and he floats over into the Anaconda Vice for the submission.

Rating: C-. This was a squash and one with a bunch of annoying distractions. They’re a waste of time as while the girls do look good, you’re never going to see anything, so it’s a constant set of teases without any actual payoff. Also at least do the segments between the matches instead of cutting back to showing a girl taking off her freaking shoes. Hopefully Dupree leaves soon as the guy is just a waste of space.

Candice and Maria tie so they both take something off. Maria takes off her garters and Candice takes off her skirt.

After a break, it’s Dealer’s Choice, meaning Balls gets to pick the article the loser has to take off. Krystal has to take her skirt off. Ok the thong is a nice touch.

Kevin Thorn vs. Tommy Dreamer

Dreamer pounds him into the corner to start but a charge sends his shoulder into the post. Ashley takes her shoes off and Thorn cranks on Dreamer’s arm. Candice loses her corset and dances a bit. Thorn misses a headbutt and Dreamer fires off right hands. A suplex puts Thorn down as does a Sky High powerbomb. Dreamer has to go after Ariel on the floor and Thorn gets in a shot to the back. Tommy tries an elbow drop but crashes, letting Thorn hit a sitout Rock Bottom for two. Dreamer hits a reverse guillotine across the top rope and the DDT pins Thorn for the first time in ECW.

Rating: D+. Why would you have Dreamer win here? Thorn was one of the hot young heels they had on this show and they have him lose to the ultimate ECW jobber? Other than that there wasn’t anything here as it didn’t even last four minutes, so it’s not like they could get anywhere with it. Also, it’s Tommy Dreamer vs. Kevin Thorn. What are you expecting from it?

Krystal loses her shoes and Balls has an erection.

We recap Hardcore Holly getting his back sliced open and then getting taken out by Test before Holly could kill Heyman.

The girls talk about how hot Cena is. This transitions into a promo for the Marine. Maria loves ponies. END THIS FREAKING NONSENSE ALREADY!!! Now they like Batista and Punk. They deal another round and Kelly dances before taking her skirt off. She takes her top off because she wants to. The bra comes off and we take a break with her back to the camera.

SEE THE MARINE!

Rob Van Dam/Sabu/Sandman vs. Test/Matt Striker/Big Show

During the entrances, Ashley loses her skirt and Krystal loses her top. Van Dam and Test get us going with Test pounding Van Dam down into the corner. Rob comes out of the corner with a spinning crossbody for two and it’s a standoff. The step over kick takes Test down and there’s Rolling Thunder at the same time Sabu hits a slingshot legdrop. Sabu adds a springboard leg lariat and it’s off to Sandy.

Striker does the coward heel thing of getting in his shots while Sandman is in trouble. Maria takes her skirt off. Sandman wants Big Show with the big man chopping away as Trinity takes her skirt off. Sabu comes in to fire away on Show but Test pops him in the back to take over. This match is going nowhere. Sabu pounds on Test and we take a break.

Back with Test hitting some backbreakers on Sabu for two. Striker comes in and pokes Sabu in the eyes before hitting a neckbreaker for two. Off to a chinlock to make sure this match doesn’t get interesting at all. Back to Big Show with a chokebomb as Sabu is reeling. Show does the RVD finger point and runs over Sabu again. Maria loses her corset. This would be more appealing if she hadn’t been in Playboy.

Sabu counters a chokeslam into a DDT for two and it’s off to Test. Off to a bearhug followed by Striker coming in and getting punched in the face. There’s a hot tag to Van Dam and the fans really aren’t that interested at this point. Van Dam’s top rope kick takes Striker down and a superkick does the same to Test. Air Sabu hits test in the corner and everything breaks down. The Five Star hits Striker but Sandman gets to come in and beat up Striker for the pin.

Rating: D. This match was terribly boring. It was almost like the match was here to fill in time before we got to the rest of the card stuff. The feuds being combined was a fine idea, but other than that there’s nothing to see here. Sandman pinning Striker doesn’t mean anything and Van Dam and Big Show had all of four seconds of action. Nothing to see here.

Candice claims the game is rigged and gets in an argument with Maria. Tops come off, everything is blurred, you can see the straps of the skin colored underwear, a big catfight ends the show.

Overall Rating: F+. I hated this show. I get it: this was to tease 13 year olds, but that doesn’t make it any less dull. This was from 2006, a year where the internet and access to naked women was certainly in full swing. Yeah the girls look good here, but when they keep cutting into the matches for the “poker”, it gets really old really fast. Nothing to see here and I can’t stand shows like this one.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Lockdown 2006
Date: April 23, 2006
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 900
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Don West

It’s all in the cage this time and the main events are about the same as they would be the next month. We have Lethal Lockdown with Sting’s Warriors vs. Jarrett’s Army as well as Abyss vs. Christian for Christian’s world title. This is one of those shows where I’m not sure how great the idea is as a lot of these matches don’t belong inside a cage, thereby overdoing the gimmick and making it a lot weaker by the end of the match. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about how viewer discretion is advised. It comes off like a movie trailer which is a unique idea for a video at least. Wrestlemania 21 was about parodies rather than a trailer for the show for those of you about to complain that I’ve forgotten about that show.

Remember that every match is in the Six Sides of Steel tonight.

Black Tiger/Hiroki Goto/Minoru Tanaka vs. Sonjay Dutt/Jay Lethal/Alex Shelley

This is a World X Cup preview match, meaning it has no bearing on the standings or anything like that. This is Team USA vs. Team Japan of course. Shelley hands So Cal Val the camera to film the match. Everyone has to tag here. It’s Shelley vs. Tanaka to start things off. Shelley takes him down quickly and hits a dropkick to the side of the head to take over. Minoru rolls forward into a dropkick to take Shelley right back down.

Off to Black Tiger as Tenay talks about Tiger Mask vs. Black Tiger, which is a very interesting idea actually. In essence, they’re rivals and they keep the character alive by changing the people portraying each. Eddie Guerrero was Black Tiger at one point. Off to Goto vs. Lethal. It’s a feeling out process to start with Lethal taking him down a few times and hitting a basement dropkick. Off to Black Tiger and Shelley again, followed by a triple team attack by Team USA.

Black Tiger gets worked over by Dutt and then Alex. Jay comes in as the Americans are flying in and out very quickly. Dutt finally stays in for awhile but gets caught by a dropkick in the corner. Team Japan triple teams him as Team Mexico is watching from the stage. A triple dropkick gets two and it’s off to Tiger Mask to continue the beating. Dutt finally rolls free and tags in Lethal.

Jay speeds things up and gets some offense in but charges into a back elbow. Back to Goto who hist a fast suplex for two. The Americans hit triple running strikes in the corner followed by a frog splash that gets two for Shelley. Goto gets superkicked into a German for two. Standing shooting star gets two for Dutt as this breaks down. Minoru grabs a cross armbreaker out of nowhere on Lethal but it’s broken up pretty quickly. Lethal and Tiger are legal now but it breaks down again. Everyone hits everyone and Shelley accidentally hits Dutt. Black Tiger hits a tiger suplex on Lethal for the pin.

Rating: B-. This is the right choice for an opener. The whole idea of the X Cup was to send out country vs. country in a big tournament which wound up being pretty entertaining, although mostly worthless at the end of the day. This was a solid match though as both teams were flying all over the place out there. Again though, the cage meant nothing at all for the most part as this could have been held in a regular match just as easily.

We run down the card.

Team 3D says they’ll win the Anthem Match later against Team Canada. Ray says this is about pride tonight and how he’d rather work in WWE than hear the Canadian National Anthem again. D-Von: “You’re kidding right?” Ray: “Yeah I was just ribbing you guys.” Team 3D leaves and Larry wants to know what the major announcement is tonight but JB doesn’t know.

Christopher Daniels vs. Senshi

Senshi seems to be a surprise opponent. Daniels isn’t sure what to do so Senshi fires off rapid fire strikes to send Daniels into the corner. Senshi keeps escaping whatever Daniels tries but a kick to the face finally puts him down. A flying knee in the corner misses and Senshi hits a flapjack to put the Fallen Angel back down. Senshi does his signature kick to the back for two and it’s off to a modified camel clutch.

A suplex gets two for Senshi as the fans are split. They chop it out with Daniels taking a small advantage. Senshi hits a double chop to send Daniels down to his knee but gets caught in a sunset flip attempt. Senshi hits a quick Warrior’s Way for two and Daniels is in trouble. Daniels gets caught in a rear waist lock but he elbows out of it. Christopher hits a kind of suplex into the cage wall followed by a running STO for two. Blue Thunder Bomb gets the same.

Senshi kicks him down HARD for two. He’s getting frustrated which shouldn’t surprise anyone. Daniels hits a Death Valley Driver out of nowhere followed by the BME but it only gets two. He puts Senshi on the top but his superplex is blocked by punches to the ribs. Daniels responds by ramming Senshi’s head into the cage. Well when all else fails, go with the simplest method. Angel’s Wings off the top is countered but the Warrior’s Way off the top misses as well. Angel’s Wings is countered again with Senshi flipping forward and putting his feet on the ropes for the pin.

Rating: B-. Another good match here as I continue to like Daniels more and more when he’s not facing AJ Styles. Senshi is a very acquired taste for me and I still don’t care for him most of the time. Here though he was using something other than kicks which is the key to him being more interesting. He wouldn’t be around for weeks after this though as they wanted to give him a stronger introduction or something like that.

The James Gang and Bullet Bob Armstrong talk about the arm wrestling match between 66 year old Bullet Bob and Konnan, with the winning team getting to give the losers (Konnan and LAX) ten lashes.

We recap LAX vs. the James Gang, which is set to a rap song. It’s about Konnan saying that Armstrong is old and the James Gang taking exception. I think this is still fallout from the 3 Live Kru breaking up.

This is just like every arm wrestling match you’ve ever seen: Konnan doesn’t want to start, then he has an early advantage, then Konnan is in trouble, then he comes back, then Armstrong comes back, then Armstrong wins. The whipping takes WAY too long.

Jarrett’s Army is told they have the advantage in Lethal Lockdown. Larry Z comes in and wants to know if they know the announcement. Jarrett tells him to get lost. AMW says they’ll set the table for Steiner at the end of the match. Steiner says he’s ready to snap.

Elix Skipper vs. Petey Williams vs. Chris Sabin vs. Chase Stevens vs. Puma vs. Shark Boy

This is an Xscape match, meaning pin/submission until there are two left, when it becomes escape only rules. Thankfully there are tags required in this. Shark Boy and Petey get us going with Shark Boy chopping away in the corner. Apparently Simon Diamond and Coach D’Amore have formed an alliance with their men in the match. Either way the Dead Sea Drop is blocked by Petey and it’s off to Puma vs. Sharky. For you ROH fans, Puma is TJ Perkins.

Puma goes up but gets crotched and ranaed down by Shark Boy. A missile dropkick puts Puma down again and it’s off to Skipper vs. Shark Boy. Skipper tries a wheelbarrow suplex but Shark Boy climbs the cage with a bulldog for two. Elix goes up the corner again but this time jumps into a kick from Shark Boy to put both guys down. Skipper tags in to Williams and a quick Destroyer eliminates Sharky Boy.

Sabin comes in next and pounds away on the head of Williams. Petey hits a tornado DDT while climbing the cage which gets two. Off to a chinlock which is quickly broken and Sabin tags in Stevens. Chase cleans house and counters the Destroyer into an Alabama Slam. Sabin and Skipper take people down and everyone is on the mat. Stevens goes up top and waits forever for everyone to get in position for a HUGE shooting star dive to take everyone out.

Chase covers Williams and Skipper but gets caught in what we would call White Noise for a pin. We’re down to four now and everyone goes after Sabin. Williams turns on Skipper all of a sudden and sunset flips him out. D’Amore and Diamond are about to brawl but Skipper gets kicked out of the cage and onto the coaches.

Cradle Shock puts Puma out so it’s down to Sabin and Williams in escape rules. Sabin goes up but winds up getting pulled down. Back down and Sabin puts him in the Tree of Woe for the hesitation dropkick. He goes up and over but D’Amore blocks his exit until Williams catches up. Petey lands on D’Amore but his feet don’t touch so Sabin drops down and wins it.

Rating: C+. This was another good match that was only in the cage for the ending. This was yet another preview for the World X Cup with the final two competitors being the captains for their respective countries. The match was nothing great but it was fun to kill about twelve minutes with, and that’s all you need to do at times.

Mitchell says he isn’t worried about waking the monster in Christian. Christian may be the best wrestler in the world, but he’s not a champion. Would a real champion go to Toronto to make movies or leave his wife home alone or be attacked in his own home? Christian did all that, but that’s how he rolls right?

We recap Joe vs. Sabu. The idea is that Joe is extreme so here’s Sabu to challenge that aspect of his personality.

X-Division Title: Samoa Joe vs. Sabu

Sabu immediately puts on the camel clutch but Joe quickly escapes. Sabu has a broken left arm apparently. He throws the chair at Joe’s head for two. Joe comes back with a running forearm and hooks a front facelock in the corner. Sabu gets thrown into the cage to bust him open, which is one of the first uses of the cage all night. Sabu comes back with a chair shot and hits the Arabian Facebuster for no cover.

A spinning legdrop using the chair as a springboard point hits but he still doesn’t cover. Sabu is busted way open now as he pulls out his signature spike. Joe grabs the arm and puts on a cross armbreaker but Sabu blocks the pressure. The champ stays on the arm which is about as logical as you can possibly get. They both go to the top rope but Joe rams the bad arm into the cage and slams him off the top for two. Sabu gets back up and tries the Triple Jump Moonsault but Joe pelts the chair at him and hits the MuscleBuster to retain.

Rating: C-. Not much here but the idea here was more about giving Joe a win over a big name which is fine. Sabu was good at something like this as it was kept short and he didn’t have the room or the time to mess anything up. This was kind of an old school idea of bringing in someone for a one off appearance to challenge a big name, which is something cool to see for a change.

Team Canada makes fun of the Dudleys and D’Amore says the Dudleys have never beaten the Canadians or held the NWA World Tag Team Titles like they have. Larry Z comes in and wants to know about the announcement again. D’Amore rips into him.

We recap Team 3D vs. Team Canada which is your usual patriotism feud. Team Canada laid them out and put the Canadian flag over them, which ticked off Ray.

Team 3D vs. Team Canada

This is a six man so we have Runt in there also. It’s Roode, Young and A-1 for the Canadians. This is a capture the flag match and the winners get their anthem played. The Dudleys have war paint on. Runt and Eric stand on the top ropes as guards for their flags. That’s a smart idea actually. There aren’t any tags for the other guys which makes this even better. Team 3D does a little doe-see-doe to take out the Canadians but Young jumps down and takes both of them down. Spike does the same and then the goalies go back to their respective places. Young gets pulled down and Spike goes for the flag but can’t quite get to it. Roode goes for it also but gets caught.

Ray and Roode go to the top rope and they chop it out before Ray hits a Bubba Bomb off the top. D-Von makes a save of his own with a Russian Leg Sweep off the top to A-1. Runt and Young fight on the top with Young going down and taking a double stomp. Roode goes after Spike but Ray makes the save. Not that it matters that much as the spinebuster kills Runt dead. Team 3D double teams Roode down but A-1 comes in again.

That also goes badly for the Canadians as Ray chops him down. It’s almost all Dudleys so far. The referee gets crushed and Roode takes the 3D. Double flapjack puts A-1 down and What’s Up Eric? Ray goes up and gets the flag but there’s no referee to declare him the winner. The music plays prematurely and D’Amore has a steel chair. Spike keeps playing goalie but the Canadians triple team him.

Eric puts the American flag back up and D’Amore has knocked the gatekeeper out. He opens the cage and puts a table inside but Young drives himself through it by mistake. Acid Drop takes A-1 down and it’s another 3D for Roode. With the referee up this time, Runt goes and retrieves the flag for the win.

Rating: C+. This was ok but the overbooking got annoying. The good thing though was that the same team won the match in the end so it wasn’t that big of a deal. The cage played a role in the match again here so the match didn’t seem as pointless as it had been earlier. Decent match and it blew off the feud which is the right idea.

D’Amore takes a 3D but the Star Spangled Banner never plays after an anthem match. The fans are singing it as Tenay and West talk though so I guess that counts. That’s pretty rude of the announcers though.

Christy Hemme debuts as the newest Knockout. She hands Tenay a letter which has the announcement. Everyone in the front office will now be held accountable and a new face of TNA management will debut soon. The first act of this new person: Larry Zbyzsko is now on probation. You know Larry isn’t going to miss an opportunity to come out and complain. Tenay and Larry argue a bit and Tenay says that Raven is reinstated. Bird Boy comes out and chases Larry into the cage until security takes him away.

Christian has nothing to say.

We recap the world title match. Abyss and Mitchell say that Christian stole Abyss’ show (which is true) but Christian wouldn’t give him a match. Abyss attacked Christian and went to his home to terrorize him a bit more. He also stalked Christian’s wife so tonight it’s about personal revenge.

NWA World Title: Abyss vs. Christian Cage

Christian is defending of course and this is a regular pin/submission match. Abyss tries to meet him on the ramp but Christian tackles him down easily. Christian rams him into the barricade but Abyss throws him over and into the crowd. They’re all the way to the back of the arena and Christian has to fight to keep from being thrown over and down onto whatever is behind the stands.

They go over to that wall that they always go to during main event brawls. Back to ringside and Christian is still in trouble. He gets rammed into the steps as we’re still waiting to get into the cage for the first time. Cage grabs the cage door and rams it into Abyss’ arm but stops to chase Mitchell around, allowing Abyss to ram the cage door into the champ’s face. We get dueling chants and they finally get into the cage. There’s the bell so that was all pre-match stuff.

Abyss is in control and kind of dances into the corner for a splash. He sends Christian’s face into the cage for two and stops a comeback attempt dead. Unprettier is easily countered and Abyss hits a kind of flapjack for two. A few idiot fans sound like they want blood so Abyss crushes Christian’s face up against the cage. He hits the dancing splash into the champ against the cage again and Christian is in trouble.

Shock Treatment is countered but the Canadian can’t hit the German on the American. Abyss powerbombs Christian into his namesake and the champ is in trouble. Abyss takes forever to do anything, allowing Christian to come back with some chops. He avoids a splash against the cage and has to save the referee from getting crushed. The second time he isn’t so lucky though and down goes Andrew Thomas. Christian climbs the cage and comes off with a tornado DDT but there’s no referee to count.

Mitchell throws in the cane and the belt through the hole in the cage but Abyss’ belt shot misses. Unprettier hits but it only gets two. Christian goes all the way to the top of the cage and drops a frog splash on Abyss…..for two. Ok I would have bet on that being the finish and it probably should have been. Another Unprettier is reversed into Shock Treatment for no cover.

Instead Abyss pulls out the bag of tacks which of course takes forever to set up. I’ve seen this in at least one of the two TNA PPVs I’ve watched lately before this so this really doesn’t seem as impressive anymore. Christian breaks the cane over Abyss and goes up top again. Abyss picks up the referee and throws him into the cage to make Christian slip.

Christian is caught in a chokeslam position but escapes and hits a sunset powerbomb into the tacks (same spot as AJ hit on Abyss last year at this show). Slick Johnson comes in but that only gets two. Christian gets the title but walks into a Black Hole Slam for two. Abyss pours out MORE tacks and takes the Unprettier onto them for the pin so Christian can retain.

Rating: B. This was MUCH better than the Full Metal Mayhem match they would have the next month, but the match probably should have ended with one of the other big spots, like the top rope splash. Still though this wasn’t bad and it was a match that actually got violent with Christian looking like he wanted revenge, which was the whole idea behind the match in the first place.

Christian goes to leave but goes back inside to beat up Mitchell. Abyss hits him in the head with the chain, busting him open. Abyss throws him out of the cage and hangs him with the chain. Mitchell puts the title on Abyss’ shoulder and they leave.

Sting’s Warriors say they’re ready for Lethal Lockdown.

We recap the main event. Sting came back and said he wanted to get rid of Jarrett, so let’s have Lethal Lockdown.

Quick recap of the rules: the two starters go for five minutes, then Jarrett’s team gets a one man advantage. After two minutes Sting’s team sends in a man to tie it up for two minutes. They alternate every two minutes until all eight are in, when the roof comes down with weapons attached. Then it’s first fall wins.

Lethal Lockdown: Sting’s Warriors vs. Jarrett’s Army

Sting, Ron Killings, AJ Styles, Rhyno

Jeff Jarrett, Scott Steiner, America’s Most Wanted

It’s Harris vs. Styles to get us going. Harris pounds him down and the fans chant Pussy Cat. Styles blocks being rammed into the cage but the dropdown dropkick misses. The second attempt at the dropkick hits and AJ takes over. Harris comes back quickly and rams Styles’ back into the cage twice. The third time is countered and AJ hits a knee to the back of Harris’ head. Things are going pretty slowly here but that’s to be expected in a match like this.

Both guys go to the top rope and slug it out with Styles knocking him back to the mat. Harris gets rammed into the cage a few times but Styles jumps into the Catatonic. AJ shrugs that off and hits the Clash as Storm comes in for the two minute advantage. AJ dropkicks the door into Gail’s head by mistake (I think) but Storm gets a beer spit into Styles’ face and slams the door on his head. Eye of the Storm puts Styles down and AJ is busted open from something, as is Harris.

The beating continues until Rhyno comes out to tie things up. He fights off both world tag team champions and sends Storm into the cage. Harris takes a spinebuster as AJ is starting to recover. The Gore misses and Harris takes AJ’s head off with a clothesline. AMW is in total control here but Rhyno comes back with right hands as Jarrett comes out to make it 3-2. Rhyno gets out of the cage somehow and goes to meet Jarrett in the aisle. AJ does as well with AMW still stuck in the cage. Rhyno is busted too.

Back into the ring and Jarrett’s team takes over on both guys with Styles getting suplexed into the cage. Here’s Killings to tie things up and get the momentary offensive flurry in. He does the backflip into the splits into the side kick to Harris. Suplex into a Stunner puts Storm down and AJ goes to the top of the cage for some reason. That doesn’t go well for him as it’s a six man Tower of Doom.

Steiner is in to complete Jarrett’s Army and it’s belly to bellies all around. Angle Slams off the top put everyone down again as we’re just waiting for Sting to make the big save. Harris rams Rhyno’s cut head into the cage and shouts GORE which makes me laugh for some reason. Here’s Sting to clean house, including stacking every opponent in the corner and hitting a huge Stinger Splash on all four at once, followed by a second one.

Here comes the roof stocked with weapons and the Warriors continue their advantage. AJ and Storm go up top for my yearly heart attack moment. Gail tries to climb up as well but Jackie rips Kim’s skirt off and pulls her down. The match in the ring more or less grinds to a halt as Storm sets up a table on the roof. Sting and Jarrett both get guitars but Sting drops his for a ball bat instead.

The guitar is shattered by the bat but Steiner saves Jeff with a low blow. AJ sets up a ladder on the roof above Storm who is on the table. He grabs the light structure and drops onto Storm with a splash. That always terrifies me. Truth takes a Stroke onto a chair but gets Gored down. Steiner puts Rhyno in the Recliner but Sting Death Drops him. Harris hits Sting with the handcuffs and puts Sting in the Scorpion. Sting counters into a Scorpion of his own and Harris taps to end the match.

Rating: B. That’s usually the base score for a Lethal Lockdown match and this was about the run of the mill version of one. The problem with these matches is that once the weapons drop, the match more or less completely restarts and nothing that happens before then matters at all. Still though, it’s always a fun concept and a solid main event for Lockdown every year.

Overall Rating: C+. This show is more or less the same thing every year and it’s the world title match that determines how the whole show goes. As usual the problem comes down to most of the matches not needing to be inside of a cage, but the final two matches usually do, which is what makes the whole show work. Good show overall and a solid entry in the series.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

ECW on Sci-Fi
Date: October 3, 2006
Location: Landon Arena, Topeka, Kansas
Commentators: Joey Styles, Taz

We’re into a new month here as this show is starting to fly by. After last week we’re really right back where we were coming into last week with Show being completely dominant and no opponent for him at the moment. We also have Van Dam standing tall due to his victory over Holly. It’s hard to say what else we’re going to get from here on out. Let’s get to it.

We open with Holly and Heyman in the back, watching a clip from last week of Holly being sliced open like a cabbage. Heyman praises him for finishing the match after being out for a year due to a staph infection. Holly says that’s what he does and he wants Van Dam again tonight. Heyman almost panicking over the thought of a lawsuit is kind of funny stuff and he obviously says no. Holly grabs Heyman but Test pops in and hits Hardcore in the back with a chair. It’s Test vs. Van Dam tonight in an extreme rules match.

Opening sequence.

Sandman/Sabu vs. Big Show/Matt Striker

So I guess Sabu and Big Show are still feuding somehow. Sabu and Show start with the giant being clean shaven now. That’s kind of a good look for him. Show clotheslines Sabu down and tosses him around with ease. Off to Striker and Sabu gets on offense quickly, hitting a springboard leg lariat and some dropkicks to take over. Sabu is knocked to the floor as we take a break. Back with Show coming in to headbutt Sabu down followed by a suplex which gets two for the tagged in Striker.

Striker kicks Sabu low to knock him to the floor again. Striker hooks a cravate and Sabu is in trouble again. Matt goes up but jumps into a spin kick in a bad looking spot. Sandman finally gets the hot tag and the beating begins. Striker tries to go up but Sandman blasts him with a left hand and the Heinekenrana gets two. The White Russian leg sweep is broken up by Show, who splashes Sandman to give Striker the pin.

Rating: D+. The problem here is that this is just a tag match. Sabu can hang in a match for the most part but Sandman is dull when he can’t use his weapons. This was just your standard tag match which bordered on a squash. Show is being put over stronger than almost anyone I’ve ever seen which is good for him but bad for everyone else.

Kelly Kelly and Trinity plug Extreme Strip Poker. Kelly takes her top off and has cards covering her.

Kevin Thorn vs. Tommy Dreamer

Dreamer pounds away to start but gets slammed out of the corner by Thorn. Thorn beats on Tommy but a pumphandle slam is countered into a neckbreaker as Dreamer starts his comeback. The DDT is countered but the second attempt at it gets two due to Thorn being in the ropes. A shot from the cane to Dreamer’s head ends this quick.

Watch the Marine!

Maria will play poker next week and people have been giving her “good” advice on how to play.

CM Punk vs. Danny Doring

Doring tries an early suplex but gets kicked in the ribs. A butterfly backbreaker puts Doring down and Punk fires away with knees in the corner. The knee/bulldog combo sets up a striking sequence followed by the Rock Bottom and Anaconda Vice for the tap. This was barely over a minute.

Kelly pops up on stage and dances for Punk. Knox takes her away and Punk says he’s sick of this. He says Knox’s problem isn’t keeping him away from Kelly, but from keeping Kelly away from him. Knox comes to the ring but backs off. The fans were into this.

Kristal Marshall and Ashley will be playing too.

Test vs. Rob Van Dam

Extreme Rules. Test kicks him in the ribs during the finger pointing which is something you would think a lot more people would do. Van Dam is sent to the floor and Test chokes him on the barricade. Van Dam gets in a kick (were you expecting something else?) but misses the spinning leg to the back of Test, crashing into the barricade instead. Test gets the steps but gets tripped, sending the steps crashing down on top of him. In a cool spot, Van Dam hits Rolling Thunder onto Test onto the steps.

It’s table time and the fans erupt as a result. As always, that takes too much time and Test takes his head off with a clothesline in the ring. Test throws four chairs into the ring and a big boot into one of them into the head of Van Dam gets two. A suplex onto the chair is countered by Van Dam and he pelts the chair at Test’s head ala Sabu. Test goes to the apron but Van Dam can’t knock him through the table. Test tries to suplex him through the table in a repeat of the spot from last week with Holly, but Van Dam countered into a sunset powerbomb through the table in a great spot.

We take a break and come back with the arrival of Heyman and security. Back inside and Test low blows Van Dam but Rob manages to clothesline him on the top rope. The recoil sends Van Dam to the floor and the security guards pound on Rob for a bit. That gets two for Test back inside and the Canadian is getting frustrated. Somewhere in there a chair was wedged between the top and middle rope and Rob is launched head first into said chair. Somehow that only gets two and Test is stunned.

Off to a bearhug as Van Dam is in even more trouble. Van Dam escapes but a BIG chair shot to the head gets two. Test removes the buckle from a corner but RVD blocks the shot into it and this a spinwheel kick to put both guys down. Rob goes to the floor for another chair because the four in the ring weren’t enough I guess. After threatening the guards with the chair, he skateboards it into Test’s face in the corner. He loads up Rolling Thunder onto the chair but Test moves, sending Rob’s back into chair only.

With the chair on Van Dam’s face, Test goes up and drops a Cactus Jack elbow (as in he had a chair of his own and slammed it into the other chair) off the top…..for two. Test loads up another table but his powerbomb through it is countered into a sunset flip for two. Snake Eyes onto the exposed buckle is countered and Van Dam hits the top rope kick. After dispatching the guards, Van Dam loads up the Five Star through the table but Big Show comes out and shoves him through the table. A TKO from Test finally gets the pin.

Rating: B. Van Dam is on a roll right now and I’m digging this war with Heyman and his team of lackeys as he’s building up to the big rematch with Show. Test looked good here and after the match last week with Holly, I think it’s fair to call Van Dam an official miracle worker. Another strong match here which would probably be the best match of the week in WWE.

Overall Rating: B. With Van Dam being on fire like he is now, ECW is on a total roll. There are finally clear stories going on up and down the card with Van Dam vs. Heyman being a highlight. The main issue I see with it though is next week. The show ended with Joey guaranteeing someone losing their clothes next week. That flat out is not going to happen, or at least we won’t be able to see it. Also it’s annoying when that’s the focus of the show instead of the good action we’ve been getting. Either way, good show here as ECW has finally gotten it.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

ECW on Sci-Fi
Date: September 26, 2006
Location: Tulsa Convention Center, Tulsa, Oklahoma
Commentators: Joey Styles, Taz

We’re in Oklahoma so I’ll bet JR gets messed with somehow tonight. Other than that we’ve got a world title match with the most decorated former world champion in ECW history, the Sandman, challenging Big Show. Other than that we get the blowoff match with RVD and Hardcore Holly which has a semi-famous spot in it. Let’s get to it.

After the theme song, Joey and Taz basically say what I said in the intro.

Here’s JR to open the show. This can’t end well. He thanks Joey and Taz for inviting him, starting a brief argument over who invited him between the announcers. JR mentions getting started in Mid-South in this area a long time ago. He starts talking about how much he likes ECW when Matt Striker interrupts him.

Striker says JR is a blue collar worker and has the shirt to prove it. He gets in JR’s face about liking alcohol, just like Sandman. Striker keeps going on until Sandman comes in with the cane. Sandman gets in a shot to the ribs and hands the cane off to JR. Ross gets in a pretty good shot to the back and Striker bails in shame. JR toasts Sandman, the new ECW Champion, and beer is consumed.

Video on Eric Bischoff’s book, set to look like an old NWO promo. Basically he says he’ll tell the real story. I’ll give him this: I want to read the book now.

Extreme Strip Poker is coming. Oh geez.

Hardcore Holly says he’ll do his talking in the ring. Riveting stuff here.

Rob Van Dam vs. Hardcore Holly

Extreme Rules. Van Dam takes over to start and sends Holly into the corner. A superkick puts Holly down but it’s time to pose before Van Dam follows up. Out to the floor they go but Van Dam’s posing gets him in trouble again. Holly gets draped over the barricade and there’s the spin kick to the back. Van Dam loads up a table to the crowd’s delight but Holly blasts him in the back and sends him into the steps to take over.

Van Dam fires off more kicks and they head back inside, only to charge into Holly’s boot in the corner. A back elbow to the face puts Van Dam down and Holly goes to the apron for a suplex onto the aforementioned table. The suplex hits and we go to a break, coming back to see a MASSIVE gash in Holly’s back. That is sick looking and he would have a scar for the rest of his WWE career.

Holly sets up a chair in the middle of the ring and drops Van Dam’s throat across the chair for two. With the chair over Van Dam’s face, Holly drops a middle rope leg for another two. There is blood all over Holly’s back. Van Dam comes back with a suplex onto the chair and blood SQUIRTS out of Holly’s back. That is freaking SICK. There’s the monkey flip and you can tell Holly is having to land awkwardly. The top rope kick puts Holly down and Van Dam gets the chair. There’s the skateboard dropkick into the corner and Holly is looking dead.

Rolling Thunder onto the chair onto Holly gets two. Van Dam tries another monkey flip but gets powerbombed down onto the chair for another close two. This is good stuff. Van Dam puts the chair on Hardcore’s chest and loads up the Five Star, but Holly throws the chair at his face on the way down. THAT gets two and the fans think this is awesome. Alabama Slam is countered so Holly gets the chair. However, YOU CAN’T HOLD A CHAIR IN FRONT OF VAN DAM! Van Daminator sets up the Five Star to finally beat Holly.

Rating: B+. That’s partially for the guts Holly had on display here. Take that either figuratively or literally as both are appropriate. This is easily Holly’s best match ever and one of the best matches that aired on this show. Really good stuff here and the cut on Holly’s back is insane.

Punk talks about being addicted to competition and wanting to compete with the biggest and the best. Kelly comes up and raves over Punk’s tattoos. She talks about extreme strip poker but is sad she can’t get into casinos yet. Kelly asks Punk to play extreme strip poker with him but he thinks that’s trouble. Knox comes up and gets in Punk’s face. Punk says worry about your woman because she keeps trying to get into his yard. Knox says he’s going to straighten Kelly out then he’s coming to look for Punk. Punk will be waiting.

Watch the Marine! No seriously, almost no one else did so could you please?

Ariel vs. Francine

This is an Extreme Catfight. Brawl to start, Ariel’s top comes off, Kevin Thorn comes in, Balls Mahoney makes the save, we’re done. This lasted like a minute.

Video on Sandman.

Heyman and Big Show are in the back talking about the main event. Show says he’s not worried about Sandman and wants Heyman and the security to stay in the back. The cane will be legal tonight and Heyman doesn’t seem happy.

Rene Dupree gets out of the shower in a towel. He says he’s extreme and opens the towel, looks down, and smiles. WWE before it was PG ladies and gentlemen.

ECW World Title: Big Show vs. Sandman

I love how Roberts says world title. We join this in progress after a break with Sandy pounding on Show with the cane and totally dominating. They head to the floor for more cane shots and Show is busted open. Holly needed 24 stitches to close the cut on his back. Sweet goodness that was a bad cut. Show comes back with a loud chop and some headbutts.

Things slow down a lot but that’s understandable in this case. A big right hand takes Sandman down and here’s the chokeslam. Sandman counters and hits a DDT before grabbing the cane. A middle rope cane shot to the head gets two but here’s Striker to steal the cane. The cobra clutch backbreaker and standing legdrop keep the title on Big Show.

Rating: D+. This is ECW 101 at this point: build up a challenger of the week and then have Big Show maul him. There’s nothing wrong with that as they need to dispatch these challengers before we get to the guy that can finally beat Big Show. Not a good match here or anything but for a TV main event like this it was acceptable.

Overall Rating: B. Given the opening match and the good shots of Ariel almost falling out of her top and a decent main event, this is probably the best ECW show yet. That Holly vs. Van Dam match was good back then and it’s aged well with the two guys beating the tar out of each other for almost twenty minutes. Good show here and hopefully they keep this up in the future.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews