Royal Rumble 2007
Date: January 28, 2007
Location: AT&T Center, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 13,500
Commentators: JBL, Michael Cole, Tazz, Jerry Lawler, Joey Styles, Jim Ross

Well, there are two main differences here. First off is ECW is back. They’re still complete and utter crap as they tried to be a legit place and not AAA, so take that for what it’s worth. The other thing is Angle is gone, having went to TNA where he still is today in a SHOCKER. That’s not hyperbole either as it legitimately was a stunning turn of events. This was the first real step for TNA to show that they were legit and it’s still an awesome moment to this day.

As for the people still on Vince’s payroll, we have Batista vs. Kennedy and Cena vs. Umaga in a last man standing match, both of which are of course for the titles. If nothing else these are perfect Rumble title matches so let’s get to this show. Also, something historic happens here which I’ll get to later on.

The intro is the standard thing about the title matches and the Rumble, with the main focus being on the Rumble and Cena. That’s fine. They do however mess up and say that the Road to Mania has been around for 20 years now. No it hasn’t, as the Mania tie in didn’t become official until 93. Look back at the first two shows: Duggan won, and wound up losing in the first round of the tournament.

In 89 Studd won and was a guest referee at Mania. This may be relatively common knowledge, but just in case someone here hasn’t noticed, Vince likes to rewrite history every now and then. This is being billed as the most star studded Rumble in history. I haven’t looked at the entrants but I’m guessing that’s not true given some of the shows I’ve seen. Oh and the ECW guys are Extremists here.

Hardys vs. MNM

Melina is amazing looking to say the least. I know I often say that there’s no real point to this feud, but in this case there really isn’t much of one. MNM had broken up as the Hardys had reunited but rather than as a team they’re more like two singles guys teaming, which I usually hate but the history together makes it ok.

The Hardys were on a Survivor Series team together so they restarted the team and for the awful December 2 Dismember show (we’ll get to that someday) they threw out an open challenge which MNM accepted. This was supposed to be a one night reunion so the next month when they teamed up again in a 4 team TLC match, Mercury took one of the sickest bumps ever which was completely by accident.

Paul London did the seesaw thing with a ladder where he jumped on one side to launch the other up and the corner slammed into Mercury’s face and completely shattered his nose and part of his eye. It looked awful and he’s still got a protective mask on. Jeff is the IC Champion here. Oh and they’re the Hardys, not the Hardy Boys. You can really see the strides Nitro (Morrison) has made here and it’s impressive. Apparently Matt has a dislocated jaw.

They actually bring up a decent point here as they say that since Matt has a bad jaw, he hasn’t been able to eat solid food and might not have his peak energy. For once, that works. Jeff’s pop is epic. The beauty of the way the Hardys fight is that even if they botch the heck out of most of what they do, it fits their style and it could be believable that they meant to do that. Melina is letting loose those screams which I actually like.

Ross says he hasn’t made a lot of women scream. I’ll leave that one up to you guys. Jeff is so spotty that it’s insane. I usually don’t notice it, but DANG he’s bad here. This match feels like they were told to go out there and have an epic tag match rather than just having one and that’s not a good thing. MNM is ok, but at the same time this match is just sloppy and that’s hurting it a lot.

The crowd is about half into this but at the same time they’re not into it if that makes sense. Ross mentions that this is a one fall match to open the show. Why don’t they have more 2/3 falls matches? Those can be fun when they’re done right but you never see them again.

Matt gets the hot tag to start completely dominating the match. The usual double finisher ends it which was really quite lackluster. Oh and apparently Matt is on Smackdown and Jeff is on Raw, completely going against the theory of the freaking brand split as it comes closer and closer to dying every year.

Rating: B-. This just wasn’t that good. I like that they were trying to have a big time tag match, but these teams just weren’t clicking. It was FAR better at December 2 Dismember, but I think here that they were trying to top that match which was just a bad idea. This match was all kinds of sloppy and the ending wasn’t anything special. This was ok at its best and too long at its worst.

We go to the back where Teddy Long and Coach are running the drawing and Kelly is there barely dressed. Edge shows up, leading to him calling Coach Coacher and Coach calling Edge Edger. Take me now. Kelly was still an exhibitionist at the time and loved to tell everyone that. Rated RKO were the tag champions here so Orton shows up. Let the gay jokes begin. King Booker shows up to make fun of them as this is just rather stupid and unfunny.

Ad for the All Grown Up Wrestlemania, which was a campaign I actually liked for a change.

Thanks to a band we’ve never heard of for a song that has no bearing on the show and won’t be heard again.

We recap Test vs. Lashley, which more or less consisted of Test “dominating” ECW and wanting a title match because of it. There was a triple threat with RVD in there somewhere too that meant nothing at all. Test is apparently an impact player.

ECW Title: Test vs. Bobby Lashley

Take a wild guess as to how this is going to go. Just take a guess. Test was a guy that Vince kept trying to push but it never worked. That might have had something to do with Test having all the momentum in the world and Vince pushing Big Show instead back in 99 when Austin left. Oh yeah Big Show is gone now too. Lashley was another guy that Vince was seemingly ready to pull the trigger on but never got to do so which kind of sucks.

Lashley does the Lesnar entrance where he jumps to the apron and the pyro goes off. That would be more impressive if X-Pac wasn’t the first guy to do it often. There’s no big match feeling here at all. This is as basic of a match as you could imagine. It’s like they were reading a book about how to have a power vs. power match.

Lashley dominates for awhile, Test sends him into the post, Lashley gets a short comeback, Test hits the big boot and Lashley kicks out, so Test walks out. Seriously, that’s the entire 8 minute match.

Rating: D-. What in the world was the point of this? What was the point of ECW as a whole back then? When did we reach the point where ECW had a back then? Anyway, this was really weak as there was just no point to this whatsoever and the match completely failed. Lashley wasn’t that solid yet and Test didn’t help matters in the slightest. This didn’t go well at all and it showed badly here. Horrible match with a stupid finish.

Cena is in the back getting looked at by the doctor. Umaga injured his ribs the Monday before. Vince comes in and says that Cena won’t be able to forfeit as Cena can’t see him. I really hate Vince at times.

No Way Out promo. My goodness that was an AWFUL show.

We recap Kennedy vs. Batista. The idea here is that Kennedy has beaten 6 world champions in a year, so he’s getting a title shot here. Kennedy won a Beat the Clock Sprint to get the shot. I’ve always liked that idea, at least to an extent. I think Kennedy stole Norcal’s shirt.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. Mr. Kennedy

Kennedy cuts a promo before the match saying exactly what you would expect him to say. Kennedy had no official move yet so he’s unlikely to win. I think it was a neckbreaker or a DDT or something like that but he changed it every week. JBL keeps trying to offer analysis and keeps yelling at Cole for interrupting him which gets funny. At least it’s not Joey Styles because he would have a black eye from it.

Kennedy uses a weird as heck looking leg lock. Imagine a figure four, but with the guy that’s in it on his stomach. It looked rather awesome. A knee to the leg causes JBL to declare that’s how you win a world title. I thought it was by getting a pin or a submission on a world champion in a title match but what do I know? This is mainly Kennedy working on the knee, which is smart but it’s the safe way to go.

With Kennedy being allegedly the future of the company, shouldn’t he do something that’s a bit more interesting or fresh? Batista makes his comeback, actually selling the knee (PAY ATTENTION TAKER!) and goes for the Bomb. It doesn’t work though as Kennedy shoves him into the referee.

He gets a low blow and the neckbreaker but we have no referee. There’s a very loud and very noticeable Kennedy chant, which thankfully was listened to this year as he would win MITB. However, due to about 1000 injuries nothing would come of it. Batista hits the Batista Bomb for the easy win. JBL freaking out over it is kind of funny.

Rating: B-. This was pretty good for what it was I thought. It wasn’t supposed to be a classic showdown but rather a token title defense for Batista so that he could manage to get something else under his belt and get Kennedy the title shot that he had earned. There’s nothing at all wrong with that and it worked. The match itself wasn’t that great, but the point here wasn’t to have a great match but to make Batista and Kennedy look good and that’s what happened.

Hornswoggle shows up to pick his number. He beats up Coach after getting one. Oh looks it’s Khali and Horny because that joke never gets old. He takes three of them and leaves two, allowing Kelly to make a balls joke and Ron Simmons to show up to validate his existence.

The Marine is on DVD.

Mania promo, set to Ladies and Gentlemen by Saliva. They actually mention that at their concerts. Saliva is in the crowd.

So Umaga had been an unbeatable monster that challenged Cena for the title at New Year’s Revolution but lost so naturally he gets another title match at the Rumble. The idea is that Cena could barely keep Umaga down for three so ten is impossible. Umaga crushed Cena with a splash through a table at Raw. You know, I wonder how you can have more than one last man standing match. Wouldn’t that mean there have been more than one last men standing, which is impossible?

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Umaga

The end of the video package sounded like Taker’s music for some reason. Ok I’m back now, as Lillian with her hair pulled back and more or less wearing a swimsuit as it’s a top that ties behind her neck and one of those nearly invisible skirts she wears. Lawler says that Umaga reminds him of King Kong. You know, the guy that lost in the end. The start is of course, Cena getting his face kicked in by Umaga because he’s injured and can’t breathe.

And you know, because Umaga is a monster and Cena is the second coming of Hogan so naturally he has to be beaten down to get us to the big comeback at the end of the match. This was around three months into Cena’s year long reign that made him the most hated man in wrestling. On a completely unrelated note, Lee, Ricky and I joined the forums about three weeks before this show. Umaga puts the steps into the ring but when Cena lifts them, it’s an amazing feat of strength.

He throws them at the Samoan, but here it looks awful as the camera shows perfectly the Umaga takes it on his hands. When Kane did the same spot a few months ago, it looked and sounded great. This looked like them trying to replicate it and failing miserably. We get a bearhug, which at least makes sense here. The fans want tables. I could go for a nice lawn chair actually.

The steps are put up in the corner and Umaga does the hip ramming but misses which would actually hurt. That and a step shot gets a 7. The announcers are completely pro Cena here and aren’t even trying to be diplomatic. The formula here is Cena gets beaten up, Umaga dominates, Cena hits a big move to draw even then Umaga puts him down again. The genius that is Cena figures that the Five Knuckle Shuffle is better than slamming Umaga on the steps.

He goes for an FU but in a SICK looking spot, Umaga falls forward and Cena’s head apparently slams into the steps being crushed by Umaga’s fatness. That’s just as painful looking. On a second look it might have landed on the part of the steps with nothing there but still it looked great. That gets 9 and also a LOUD Cena sucks chant. After taking another beating, Cena hulks up but takes a Samoan Drop to put him back down. I really hate the Spike.

It was just freaking stupid on so many levels that it’s unreal. Seriously, look at Umaga and the stuff he does, and then his finishing move is a thumb to the neck. That’s just freaking DUMB. Ross calls Umaga Youmaga, so maybe that’s where Regal got that from. He hits the post so Cena nails him with a monitor as Umaga decides to take a nap there I guess.

Cena is bleeding from the step crushing by the way. We hit the floor so Cena hits post. The no selling by Umaga is getting a bit annoying but it’s quite bearable. At least they have their stereotypes right here as nothing is hurting his head. With Cena draped over the announce tables, Umaga gets a running start and runs down the tables to go for a splash on Cena which of course misses.

I’m glad as if Cena had gotten up from that it would have been completely ridiculous. That gets a LONG 9 which the fans boo the heck out of. For some reason Lawler thinks you have to be in the ring to answer the ten, which is just stupid but it’s Lawler so it’s expected. Estrada gets some metal thing and takes the ring apart to hand Umaga the turnbuckle, as in the part that hooks up to the post. Of course Cena ducks and hits an FU.

Thankfully he’s up before the referee starts counting as it would have been ridiculous if he stayed down. However it gets dumber as after a metal shot puts him down, Cena puts the STFU on Umaga using the ropes to choke him out.

For some reason Umaga completely no sells the first attempt and is up almost immediately after Cena lets go but Cena does it again to keep him down for ten in what I would assume was miscommunication. That’s your lesson for the day kids: it’s ok to take a rope and tie it around a guy’s neck for about 20 seconds until he stops moving and breathing, as long as you keep your title!

Rating: C. This was about as much of a textbook example of a last man standing match as you could have asked for. What I mean by that is that it was about as safe of one as you were going to get. I don’t think anyone bought that Umaga was a legit threat to the belt so take that for what it’s worth.

The match is certainly ok, but it’s little more than that, which I guess is to be expected in something like this. It ended this rivalry though and gave Cena another successful title defense so that makes up for some stuff I suppose. Not bad, but not great at all.

Commercial for Mania.

Flair draws his number.

Royal Rumble

Lillian is amazing, period. Flair is first, continuing his horrific run of luck for Rumble draws as this is the 3rd time that I can think of where he draws in the first 3 spots. Finlay is number two which is certainly an odd pairing. History is altered again as Flair has now not made it an hour in 1992, despite according to Monsoon making it about 70 minutes that year. We have 90 second intervals here in case you were wondering.

Cole makes it sound like this is for the title. It’s not, which is why it’s a bad idea. Kenny Dykstra, who allegedly was a great talent which I never saw, is 3rd. He and Flair were feuding I think. He was a year old when the first Rumble happened. That’s just scary as Flair was like a 5 time world champion back then. Finlay is heel here in case you were wondering. Matt Hardy is 4th. Lawler, JBL and Cole are doing the commentary here.

Since there’s no JR they can actually get words in edgewise. JBL says this is the closest thing in wrestling to an endurance contest. Other than you know, the iron man match which is an endurance contest. Edge is 5th. The first five have been Raw Smackdown Raw Smackdown Raw. That’s rather odd. Flair goes through the ropes and goes to get a chair. He and Edge have been feuding for awhile too. Does no one like Flair?

Flair goes out and then Dykstra follows him as Dreamer is 6th. You know what the chant is already. Finlay knocks everyone down and oddly enough is dominating. JBL says Lawler hid for 30 minutes in 1996 because he thought there was a young woman under the ring. That actually made me laugh. Sabu of all people is 7th. Naturally he gets a table which Cole says he’s made a career out of.

That’s either a thinly veiled insult or a general observation. Given that it’s Cole, I’d say it’s the later as I don’t think he’s intelligent enough to know how to thinly veil something. He makes up for it by knowing all of Sabu’s attributes which is actually impressive. Helms is Gregory Helms, still the Cruiserweight Champion that he became last year. We have Finlay, Hardy, Edge, Dreamer, Sabu and Helms at the moment.

We get our second Sabu chant in less than three minutes which makes me shake my head very hard. Helms has been wanting to stop being a cruiserweight at the time. In other words he wants to have a career. Shelton is 9th. They tease about 4 people going through the table but no one goes through it. Lawler points out that if used right it could save someone, which is actually true.

Kane gets us to double digits and of course we hear about all of his records, including most consecutive rumbles and 11 guys thrown out. And yet he can’t get a 4 week world title reign. Dreamer and Sabu are tossed easily, with Sabu being chokeslammed through the table. Well at least they made it quick. CM MOTHER PUNK is 11th. Good night I hate how far they’ve depushed him lately.

He was supposed to have a twenty minute war with Lashley to end the Elimination Chamber at December 2 Dismember so that both guys would be made at once. Heyman thought that up. Punk was also supposed to make Show tap out in that match in about 5 minutes. Show, who was losing the title to Lashley anyway, had no problem with that and since he would be leaving in two days anyway had no problem putting Punk over really strong on his way out.

Vince of course HATED this and had RVD pin him first, leaving the likes of Test and Hardcore Holly, you know, REAL MAIN EVENT GUYS to battle it out instead. Naturally the fans HATED this as Punk was incredibly over and no one wanted to see Holly and Test in a main event. Vince of course blamed Heyman and he was fired as a result.

Punk would get the ECW Title in October and begin the biggest launch in company history, breaking the record for fastest time to win the Triple Crown, with the ECW title thrown in as a bonus. He has since tapped to Cena in 2 minutes at the Slammies and who knows what else as we’re 9 days from Christmas when this is being written and you’ll read it in about 5 weeks.

King Booker is 12th, about ten months before jumping to TNA. He puts Helms out in about 4 seconds. Super Crazy is 13th. Nothing happens. Jeff Hardy is 14th and hopefully something happens here. The Hardys of course work together and hook a move called the Spin Cycle on Crazy before fighting Kane which I like for some reason that I don’t understand.

Sandman, to a song that sounds nothing like Metallica is 15th. He gets a great cane shot to Jeff and a few others but Booker puts him out in about 15 seconds. Thanks for that. Orton is 16th. He and Edge, the tag champions, put out Crazy and the Hardys inside of a minute. In at 17 is Benoit, in his final Rumble. He’s US Champion here because that’s all he’s ever done. The announcers talk about Punk like he’s a jobber or something.

Oh I forgot he was on ECW at the time. RVD is 18th, just about to be gone from the company. He would be gone I think in June. Kane puts Booker out so he goes back in and puts Kane out. They fought at No Way Out and that was the end of it. They fight for awhile until Viscera comes out at 19th. He’s wearing white pajamas so there we are. Nitro is 20th. Nothing of note is going on here.

More or less it’s just a lot of guys making sure that they get close to being thrown out without actually doing so. Kevin Thorn, the guy that just never got pushed is 21st. Shelton gets insanely close and keeps off the floor which is indeed impressive. Oh for the love of goodness Hardcore Holly is 22nd. Still, nothing of note is happening with far too many people in the ring at the moment.

Shawn Michaels, still of DX, is 23rd to blow the roof off the place. With EVERYONE else trying to get Viscera out, Shawn puts Finlay out. A superkick to Viscera allows everyone else to put him out. He puts Shelton out too. They actually imply that Holly could win as Masters is 24th. I’ve actually liked his face turn recently, and not just because I find him attractive. Nitro is out thanks to Benoit.

Oh yeah HHH is out with an injury again and wouldn’t be back until Summerslam. Chavo is 25th as this is somehow only his 3rd Rumble ever. Benoit puts Thorn out. I’ve spelled his name wrong both times I’ve mentioned him in here. MVP is 26th and he’s not quite a medium sized deal yet. He and Kennedy had been feuding with Kane and Taker. Masters is out. Every time Van Dam has been in the Rumble, he’s made the final 6. That’s not bad at all.

Carlito is 27th which is where 4 men have won from which is rather impressive. Shawn hangs on like someone that hangs on rather impressively. Khali is 28th and he’ll likely get rid of a bunch of people. Yep, there goes Benoit and Holly. He would win the world title in July once Edge got hurt…again. He chops the heck out of everyone and Miz is 29th. Good night did he ever come a LONG way since then. He has the same music too. Yeah he’s gone in 5 seconds.

Van Dam is out. Punk is the 5th in a row for him. Carlito is number 6. Chavo makes 7. They say that no one can beat Khali as Shawn beats on him to no avail. I think it’s about as obvious as possible who 30th is here, but it’s going to be awesome no matter what. Cole: “no one can stop Khali.” JBL: “we have our Wrestlemania main event.” Lawler: “if I were number 30 I’d have second thoughts. GONG! All three: “OH YES!” Taker power walks to the ring and it’s on.

Final group: Khali, Taker, Shawn, Orton, Edge, MVP.They slug it out and after a bad clothesline, Khali is out. Somehow Taker looks small next to him, and that’s just scary. Since Khali wiped everyone out, we have 5 people left: MVP, never mind he’s gone so the final four are Shawn, Taker, Edge and Orton. They really are getting good at this final four thing.

Orton pops Taker with a chair and Rated RKO double team him. Edge of course goes for the double cross and this somehow allows Shawn to take an RKO. Taker is bleeding. We get a mini handicap match with quite a few chair shots in there. Ok it’s more like two but whatever. They go for a conchairto but Shawn comes in for the save and the double elimination to set up the old school explosion.

Both guys are down though, and you know what’s coming. Taker sits up, and then Shawn nips up a few seconds later. Lawler says he isn’t sure if this has ever happened before. Oh I give up. We get my favorite Taker spot as he throws Shawn into the corner. The fans are way into this. This turns into of course a great one on one match. They fight on the apron with Taker showing off by barely hanging on much like Shawn would do.

They go back and forth with some great stuff as neither guy can keep the advantage. Shawn gets ahead for awhile but Chine Music is blocked to set up a chokeslam. Tombstone doesn’t work though and Taker gets kicked in the face. He goes for a second one, but Taker moves and puts Shawn out, to become the first guy from the 30th spot to win the thing.

That’s not great odds for the luckiest spot in the match. Taker poses for a LONG time to end the show, which is fine. The fans are uh, not thrilled with Taker putting out Shawn when he was that close to winning, and Shawn was in the main event of Mania anyway so it makes even less sense.

Rating: B. The ending makes this whole thing as they let the old guys go out there and prove that old school is better than the young guys. Having the two mini matches at the end was a nice little touch. There were far too many dead spots in there though which screwed things up.

The lineup ws good though and it was nice to see the ECW guys not really do much as they didn’t need to, other than Punk. This was fine though and the ending was great so that helps a lot. It could have been better, but I liked it.

Overall Rating: B. While nothing here is great, there’s only one bad match in the ECW Title match which at least is short. This kind of sums up the company as a whole around this time: not bad at all but nothing that jumps off the page that’s great. Taker would go on to win his second world title at Mania, ending the run there against Evolution by beating Batista.

When you think about it, you realize how freaking insane the Streak really is. Anyway, this was a pretty good show but not great. If you like the modern WWE you’ll like it and vice versa, so there you go.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: December 10, 2007
Location: Harbor Yard Arena, Bridgeport, Connecticut
Attendance: 7,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Another request here as WWE celebrates the fifteenth anniversary of Raw, somehow holding it a month before the fifteen year mark but whatever. This is a nostalgia show with some wrestling thrown in, which is my kind of Raw. This is one of the few shows I’ve been requested to do that I distinctly remember watching. Let’s get to it.

This is a three hour show by the way.

The opening video is a montage of all of the openings the show has had over the years. I can’t wait to get to some of those older shows. I’m 99% sure the theme was To Be Loved by Papa Roach at this point. And I’m right.

Here’s Vince to open things up. Oh and his kids are with him. Steph always looked great in business suits. The one thing you can never take away from Vince: when you hear him talking about his product, you can hear the indisputable love that he has for it. This man loves what he does and there’s no arguing it. Tonight there’s going to be a McMahon family portrait. Except for Linda because she isn’t here.

Vince introduces his kids as former Hardcore/European/Women’s Champions. The photographer comes in but here’s Hornswoggle to be in the portrait also. He basically humps Vince’s leg so Vince instructs Shane to get him off Vince’s leg. Vince says there’s no question that his kids are waiting for him to die. He says he loves his taller kids and kind of loves Horny. They get ready to take the picture, and here’s HHH.

HHH says the people are smart and he should be part of the family. It’s almost like he could be Vince’s son. “Sup Steph?” This is about a family portrait, and family is about those you love. Or have loved. Now in Vince’s case, that could mean a lot of people. HHH brings out some of the people that Vince has loved. Representing the current crop of Divas that he’s “loved”: Melina. Vince says he didn’t sleep with her. “Whatever Clinton.” Representing the past: Sunny. Not bad. Horny hugs her and guess what his face goes between.

Up next: the current Diva……MAE YOUNG??? After they finally control her, Vince has to try to explain these things. Vince says it was at Moolah’s funeral and he was very drunk. “I mean….I dusted the cobwebs off and….” That’s enough for Shane. HHH: “There goes the money.” Vince tries to explain it to Stephanie and says he was thinking of her mom at the time. The look on Steph’s face here cracked me up.

Oh but HHH isn’t done. These are the weird ones. He calls out any WWE employee that has been mistaken for a woman that Vince has attempted to love. Vince looks terrified. Here they come, of course to Stand Back. We have…..THE FINK??? Also Big Dick Johnson, Bastian Booger, Patterson and Brisco (I’m not going anywhere near that one) and Abe Knuckleball Schwartz (baseball character whose identity I’ll reveal in a second).

HHH goes over the people that came down here. Patterson doesn’t surprise him. When he gets to Schwartz, “I guess the Brooklyn Brawler was busy tonight.” Stephanie sums up Vince as well as anything else can: “Dad, you’ve got serious problems.” But now it’s her turn to embarrass the family. She kisses HHH and Vince’s eyes bug out. HHH is like yeah, she went there. “Alright Steph. See you at home. Uh….uh….I mean your brother’s a gnome!” Vince in his Mr. McMahon evil voice: “I HATE YOU!”

Horny is sad and HHH says he wishes there was someone that could make it all better with the sound of his music. Cue THE GODFATHER as Horny gets to ride the Ho Train! JR: “Even Patterson looks happy!” This is what I love about anniversary shows: you get stuff like this that you only get like once every five years, and I’m not even a Godfather fan. This was one of the funniest opening segments I can ever remember. Just great.

Later tonight, Vince is going to announce the greatest star in Raw history. If you don’t know who that is, go read a book or something.

Intercontinental Title: Carlito vs. Jeff Hardy

Jeff is defending. Oh and this is a ladder match. Jeff has a match with HHH on Sunday for the #1 contender spot. This is a go home show apparently. Carlito immediately goes for a ladder and blasts Jeff in the face with it. Jeff counters a climbing attempt with a Twist attempt but Carlito takes him down with a clothesline. Carlito charges but Jeff throws the ladder at him to shift control again.

They to the ladder bridge from the ring to the apron and it spears Jeff against the railing. Jeff knocks Carlito off the apron into the ladder with a crash. Here’s a fresh ladder and Hardy climbs but Carlito pulls a Shelton and springboards onto the ladder. A sunset bomb kills Jeff and both guys are down as we take a break. Back with Jeff missing the jump over the ladder legdrop.

Carlito works on the leg and moves the ladder to the middle of the ring. He crushes the leg between the ladder and brings in a second one. After slamming Jeff onto a ladder it’s time to climb but since it’s a ladder match, Carlito climbs slowly and Jeff pops up for a save. A chop block slows Jeff down but Carlito gets backdropped into the ladder. Swanton kind of almost hits so Jeff loads up a ladder for a Twist but Carlito counters into a Backstabber, which means just slamming his back into the ladder. They both climb, Jeff knocks him off and wins. Quick ending.

Rating: B-. This was perfectly fine. It’s not exactly a classic or anything, but considering this was a totally free ladder match, it’s really hard to complain. Both guys know how to use the ladders so this was a solid effort and a good way to get the crowd into the wrestling part of the show. Solid stuff.

Shawn says he was on the first Raw and he has no idea who he defended the IC Title against on the first Raw. He does however remember last week where there was a bunch of Shawn imposters and a Marty Jannetty imposter. Tonight, Kennedy gets the real Marty, who pops up for a second. Shawn makes fun of Kennedy’s catchphrase.

Here are some shocking moments, only some of which are shocking, such as 1-2-3 Kid beating Razor and the Tyson thing. Cena FU-ing Kevin Federline, not so much. There’s a kiss montage too. Plus some chair shots, fire, Val Venis and various other things. It ends with Vince being blown up. Honestly when he went out to the limo, I said that the limo was going to blow up.

Santino and his way too hot for him girlfriend Christy issues an open challenge.

Santino Marella vs. Rob Van Dam

40 seconds, Five Star ends it. This was a legit surprise. Other than a one off appearance in the 09 Rumble, he hasn’t been seen in WWE since that I can remember.

Evolution is having a reunion tonight. We get a video of their highlights.

Actually it’s right now. Here’s Flair, then HHH, Batista and finally Orton. Orton is the only heel here so he doesn’t want in. Batista is Smackdown Champion at this point. Orton is Raw Champion. He says Evolution wants to ride his coattails, and the last time he was in there he got beaten up. We get a clip of it too. Orton wants to be remembered as part of Rated RKO, and he brings out Edge. Flair wants to fight so Orton brings out Umaga and let’s have a six man.

Rated RKO/Umaga vs. Evolution

JR calls this the ultimate tag team explosion. Not quite but whatever. Joined in progress after a break with Flair coming in to face the freshly in Edge. Flair is in the whole “lose and you’re fired” period, but they’ve amended it to say that it’s only a singles loss that counts. Off to Umaga for a nerve hold and it’s Orton in again. Flair avoids a dropkick and there’s a tag to Batista. Everything breaks down and Edge takes a Bossman Slam. HHH and Batista hit stereo spinebusters on Rated RKO. Umaga comes in and shoves the referee for a DQ.

Rating: D+. This was nothing of note but it wasn’t supposed to be. The wrestling here isn’t the point and it would be a mistake to treat it as one. This was about a quick Evolution reunion when most of them were still popular so it’s hard to complain about it. It’s not like 2003 where they were ALL you saw on Raw.

Rated RKO runs so Umaga gets beaten down.

More flashbacks, this time mainly involving cars and vehicles. To give you an idea of how bad the tenth anniversary was, the Austin beer truck thing was rated the #1 moment in the history of Raw. Let that sink in for a moment.

Horny bothers various women in the back like I think Molly (looking GOOD) and Mickie (looking GREAT). Regal comes in to save them so tonight it’s Horny vs. Khali. Oh and Finlay isn’t here tonight.

Hornswoggle vs. Great Khali

Since murder isn’t exactly PG, Hulk Hogan returns (in black to promote his new show American Gladiators) and saves him. It’s nostalgia abounding as Hogan beats up the monster (but doesn’t slam him) and runs him off. Khali got some shots in to make things interesting at least. I’m an old Hulkamaniac at heart so this has to make me smile a little. Hogan praises WWE and plugs American Gladiators, which I actually liked. This was fine.

More Flashbacks: D-X’s Greatest Hits. Ok they deserve their own segment, but this is old and new when only the old are needed.

Another Flashback:

Mr. Socko debuts. Austin pops up as a nurse and beats up Vince in the hospital bed. Austin anally raping Vince with an IV is kind of awesome.

15th Anniversary Battle Royal

THE FINK does the intros. We’ve got Al Snow, Bart Gunn (man, where did they drag him out of?), DOINK THE CLOWN, Repo Man, Steve Blackman (in far better shape than he ever was when he was a regular), Pete Gas of the Mean Street Posse, BOB FREAKING BACKLUND (58 years old here and looking to be in better shape than most of the roster), Gangrel, Goon, Skinner, IRS, Flash Funk, Scotty 2 Hotty, Jim Neidhart, Sgt. Slaughter and Gillberg, who gets a full entrance with guards and pyro sticks and canned chants. That’s AWESOME. This is supposed to be a 15 man battle royal but there are 16 in it. Eh who cares?

Gillberg is ganged up on and tossed immediately. Backlund is out quickly and the point of this isn’t who wins but is just for fun. A Head shot by Snow puts Doink out. Same for Gangrel. HEAD CHEESE EXPLODES!!! Skinner is called a fabulous one (haha) and there go Bart, Flash and Blackman. Repo Man puts Goon out and Skinner puts Repo out. Final Four are Slaughter, IRS, Skinner and Scotty. IRS gets his briefcase but gets it knocked into his face so we can see the Worm. Skinner puts Scotty out but walks into the Cobra Clutch. Slaughter dumps Skinner but IRS dumps Slaughter in the same ending from X7’s Gimmick Battle Royal.

BUT WAIT! Here’s Ted DiBiase, who is officially in the battle royal also. However, he says that IRS has his price so IRS dives over the top, making DiBiase the winner! And that my friends, is why Ted DiBiase is better than your favorite heel. We even get the evil laugh! The match isn’t worth rating because that’s not the point. The ending made me smile a lot though.

Here’s a Flashback series on slaps. Linda slapping Steph is still great. As is Stephanie slapping Debra, but only because her chest looked GREAT in that blue halter top.

Here’s Eric Bischoff who starts to cry. Oh wait he’s lying and he’s tired of seeing the same stuff year after year. He reinvented wrestling and Vince stole his ideas. Eric demands applause so here’s the freshly returned Jericho to SAVE US. Yeah I know the joke is played already. Eric brings up the firing of Jericho about two years ago here on Raw. Jericho will never forget that but Jericho needed it because he was burned out. He’ll win on Sunday and he makes fun of Bischoff’s haircut. Eric makes fun of SAVE US and says Jericho should just forfeit. Jericho rhymes a bit and lays Bischoff out. Orton runs in and gets put in the Walls.

Raw Tag Titles: Hardcore Holly/Cody Rhodes vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

Dusty is out here too so you know this is going to be a title change. Cody’s team is challenging. Cade and Cody start us off as Dusty is at home talking a lot. He really was good at what he did and the one biggest thing about him: you can never say he was boring. He paid attention and had insight about EVERYTHING. Cody is very much a rookie here and after he gets beaten up for awhile it’s a double tag and Holly cleans house. Everything breaks down and the Alabama Slam gives Rhodes and Holly the titles. Dusty comes in to celebrate with them.

Flashbacks of celebrities in Raw history.

Flashbacks of the Divas. Man there are some good looking women on Raw’s history.

Jillian is here to plug her Christmas album, and for the life of me that became a hit in England. She starts a VERY slow rendition of the 12 Days of Christmas but here’s Trish to break that up. Trish says the album is really bad. Violence is teased but Lita comes out looking nice and thick instead of the freaky rail she used to be. She gets in Trish’s face but they take out Jillian because she won’t shut up. I said this back then and I’ll say it now: Trish vs. Lita is one of the best rivalries ever and seeing them staring each other down again was awesome.

Another flashback, this one on “comedy”. Your mileage may vary here, but stuff like Bang 3:16, Edge and Christian doing whatever and Angle/Austin are always great. Things that aren’t so great: the midgets and impressions. Also the Kevin Federline stuff. This is the third appearance of that on this show (yet Cena isn’t here).

HOWEVER, there is one bit on here that I watch when I’m feeling blue. Rock had just won I think his fifth title. Foley asked him how it felt to be champion again. Rock: “Well Mick….” Foley: “IT DOESN’T MATTER HOW IT FEELS!” Foley then takes a lap around the ring, pumping his fist and chanting his own name. Even Rock cracks up. Look it up. Youtube Mick Foley Gets The Rock. It’s great.

More comedy, again hit and miss.

Another Flashback, this one on weddings, including Lita and Kane. Lita is in the back and runs into Kane. They have one of my favorite Raw lines ever. Kane: “So uh….you seen any good movies lately?” It’s so awkward that it’s hilarious and Ron Simmons comes up to cap it off perfectly.

We run down the Armageddon card.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Marty Jannetty

Kennedy was feuding with Shawn so he brought Jannetty in to get an idea of what Shawn would be like. Marty looks awful. He takes Kennedy down and the fans don’t seem that interested. Kennedy goes after the knee and hooks a half crab. A dragon screw leg whip gets two. Marty comes back with an enziguri and some rights. Kennedy walks into a Rocker Dropper but Marty goes up instead of covering. He gets taken down but grabs a sunset flip for two. Mic Check (doesn’t have a name yet) ends this.

Rating: C-. Eh this was what it was. It wasn’t going to be anything of note and I really don’t get why they bring Jannetty out every few years for this. I mean, Shawn has other friends over the years and the Rockers hadn’t teamed together regularly in what, fifteen years at this point? It doesn’t quite add up.

Shawn comes out for the save but gets caught so here’s HHH for the other save. HHH hands Shawn a DX shirt and it’s another reunion.

Here’s Vince to announce the biggest star in Raw history. And of course it’s him. He goes into an acceptance speech but Mankind comes out to protest. Now I’ve heard rumors that this wasn’t really him. He’s in the mask and doesn’t talk so who knows. Vince says Foley can leave so he gets the Claw. Mankind poses and here’s Taker. He chokeslams Vince then disappears.

And here’s Austin. It just wouldn’t be an anniversary without him. Austin does his usual schtick and gets a few beers. Vince is more or less dead in the ring. Austin lays down next to him and then scoots away because it was making him feel dirty. One of the beers pours out so Austin gets up and picks Vince up. After the toast, of course Vince gets a Stunner. Austin declares the greatest superstars of Raw to be the fans and brings out the locker room for a beer bash. Punk of course has a Pepsi. Regal, a recovering alcoholic, has a Coke. Vince finally wakes up so Austin punches him for old times’ sake to end this.

Overall Rating: B. This was a very entertaining show that I had a very good time with. If you were around for the Attitude Era and liked it, you’ll like this show. The wrestling was pretty limited here (although the ladder match was good) but if you were watching it for that, you missed the point entirely. This was a very fun show and I really enjoyed it. Check it out.

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Final Resolution 2007
Date: January 14, 2007
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 900
Commentators: Don West, Mike Tenay

We finish this trio of TNA as well as 2007 with this. This is a double main event for the most part with Sting defending in a triple threat match against Christian and Abyss as well as an iron man match with Angle vs. Joe in what was supposed to be their final showdown, with the winner getting a title shot next month. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about those matches, with audio from Muhammad Ali. Appropriately enough, this is being written on his 70th birthday. The iron man match gets way more focus than the title match, and I don’t think Christian was even in this.

AJ Styles vs. Rhyno

Last man standing but you have to get a pin before the count starts. AJ keeps stealing wins over Rhyno so somehow that means last man standing. Rhyno starts off fast and hammers away. This might be the PPV debut of AJ’s long tights. Rhyno busts out a tope and AJ is reeling early. AJ does his drop down into the dropkick spot. The fans seem split here. Rhyno Hulks Up and beats AJ back again.

AJ pulls the tape off his wrist but as Hebner throws it out, Rhyno takes a low blow. A springboard splash gets a pin and an eight count. AJ pounds him down but a charge results in Rhyno picking him up and dropping him onto the top rope snake eyes style. Out to the floor and AJ hits a flip dive. Quickly back into the ring and AJ gets two. AJ is the heel here but he’s still more popular than Rhyno.

AJ comes off the ropes with a forearm but jumps into a spinebuster for the pin. It only gets about seven. They circle each other and slug it out. Rhyno takes over and loads up a superplex but walks into a sunset bomb for two. TKO gets two for Rhyno. It’s Table Time but Styles manages to crotch Rhyno on the edge of it. Back in the springboard forearm only gets two.

Powerbomb puts AJ down but Rhyno walks into a Pele to put him down. A Gore out of nowhere kills AJ but Rhyno doesn’t cover. Another Gore kills him even deader for the pin and the ten count. That second one looked SICK. AJ could have gotten up but sat down to avoid a third Gore.

Rating: C+. Not bad but the going back and forth came a little too fast. You would see them go down and then be up seconds later. Also they didn’t get particularly violent at all, which makes me question why they went with this as the opener. It was good but you would expect more when you hear the words last man standing.

Rhyno says he’ll take Styles out tonight and chases AJ to the back.

West and Tenay run down the card.

Rhyno and AJ pop up on the stage and Rhyno piledrives him. He loads up a table and sets it up in front of the entrance tunnel but AJ avoids the shot and Rhyno crashes through the table.

We recap the X Title match. Lynn is the old guard, Daniels is champion and Sabin is the young gun. Past, present and future. A lot of these soundbytes from Lynn are the same ones they used for his singles match with Sabin next month.

Jerry Lynn says he’s not old and he’ll teach both of them something tonight.

X-Division Title: Chris Sabin vs. Jerry Lynn vs. Christopher Daniels

Daniels is champion here. I’ll give Lynn this: he does look good for a 43 year old man. Sabin gets beaten down by both guys so he hides on the ramp. Well as well as you can hide by being a pale professional wrestler in trunks hiding on a dark ramp. Back in and we get a triple crisscross. Ok that did look cool. Daniels takes over and knocks both of them down including knocking Sabin to the floor.

The champ puts a figure four headscissors onto Lynn on the middle rope, leaning out of the ring. Sabin uses the opening to kick his head off and takes over on Lynn. From what I understand, this is Lynn’s first match in TNA in about a year and a half. And someone he’s technically #1 contender to a title. Right. Anyway Daniels comes back in and goes Koji Clutch on Lynn but Sabin breaks it up.

Lynn gets sent to the floor as Sabin fires off some kicks to Daniels for two. He hooks a nerve hold on the champ and keeps Lynn on the floor once again. The fans say Lynn still has it despite him getting beaten up the whole time in this match so far. Daniels is put in the Tree of Woe and a hesitation dropkick gets two. All three back in now and the fans are way behind Jerry.

Speaking of Jerry he goes up and hits a foot into the chest of both guys. Headscissors all around and the fans are really into Lynn. He sets for the Cradle Piledriver but Daniels hits an Sto to stop him. Everyone is down again and Lynn goes after Sabin. Lynn sets for a bulldog off the middle rope but Daniels runs up and we get a low level Tower of Doom. BME gets two on Sabin. Sitout powerbomb gets the same for Lynn. Lynn and Daniels go at it and Lynn hits an inverted Emerald Flowsion for two. Cradle Piledriver puts Daniels down but Sabin grabs a rollup and tights on Lynn to win the title.

Rating: B-. I usually don’t like triple threats but this one worked very well for me. All three guys were moving out there and Daniels was doing enough other stuff to keep him from getting on my nerves. They flew around enough and the ending was hot enough to make it work and I liked this match a good deal.

Kevin Nash says that he’s looking forward to the PCS Finals and Bob Backlund, who had been referenced for months, debuts as the head judge for the contest. Nash talks about going up and down the road with Backlund and Backlund has no idea what he’s talking about. You can hear David Penzer in the background giving the crowd NFL scores. Backlund asks if the finalists have been tortured well enough. Nash talks about playing musical chairs with them and Backlund isn’t sure what to make of it. Nash leaves and Young pops up, talks about going shopping with JB, and says he voted for Backlund in 1995.

We recap the Paparazzi Championship Series. Basically it was NXT before NXT existed, with five lower midcard guys competing in things like limbo, pogo sticking, high card draw and so on. This was run by Kevin Nash who cracked jokes the entire time. Bob Backlund was mentioned about every five minutes. For the life of me, this might be the most out there storyline I’ve ever seen in TNA. Apparently it was to bring out the characters of the X-Division. Makes as much sense as anything else.

Paparazzi Championship Series Finals: Alex Shelley vs. Austin Starr

It’s a ten minute time limit and if there’s no winner in that time, we go to the judges. The judges are Samolian Joe (from Madagascar Championship Wrestling, very white), Big Fat Oily Guy and Bob Backlund. Oily Guy is in thong. They exchange wristlocks to start and then go to the mat. Nash claims 39,000 people saw him beat Backlund in MSG. He’s joking and got a chuckle out of me, talking about the hour long match they had.

Starr Hulks Up (Nash’s term) but Shelley takes his head off with a clothesline. The Oily Guy keeps oiling up. Sliced Bread is countered as they haven’t done much here. Shelley is sent to the floor and Starr hits a corkscrew plancha to take him out. Starr goes over and gives himself points on Samolian Joe’s card. Suicide Dive takes Starr out. They seem to only care about the judges instead of getting a pin.

Back in a Lionsault gets two for Shelley. Starr gets some water and spits it in Shelley’s face but can’t take over. We’re over seven minutes into this so you would expect them to pick it up. Sliced Bread is countered again and Starr goes up for the 450. Shelley crotches him though and hits a Backstabber to take over. Slingshot DDT gets two. We’re told there’s a minute left. Sliced Bread is countered into a reverse powerbomb (always thought that would make a great finisher) and Starr hooks a camel clutch with 15 seconds left. The time runs out with no submission.

Rating: C. Not bad here but it was clear that they were going to the judges for a comedy ending to it. The match wasn’t bad though so I can’t really complain about it. The ten minute time limit made it really clear but it wasn’t a bad match or anything. I could have done without the Oily Guy though.

The fans are behind Shelley. The judges hand in their cards. Samolian Joe says Starr, Oily Guy says Shelley, Backlund says this is about conditioning and gives Starr’s a score of 92 and Shelley’s a score of 95. In takedowns, Starr gets an 82 and Shelley gets a 95. Something about positions gets Starr a 90 and Alex Shelton gets an 85. As for pinning combinations, Starr gets a 10 and Shelley gets a 9. Proper match building: Starr 25, Shelley 25, and that’s the final verdict: a draw.

Nash calls for overtime and they speed things up. Shelley gets a nifty rollup for the pin after about 20 seconds. His prize: a bowling trophy. It made little to no sense, but it was very entertaining. Starr goes off on Nash and the other X guys that came out to celebrate hold him back. Starr says this isn’t why he’s here and he only respects Senshi. Senshi doesn’t go anywhere so Starr slaps him. Senshi takes him down and Starr bails. He shoves all of the judges and Backlund puts him in the crossface chickenwing.

We recap the Petey Williams vs. James Storm match. Storm turned heel last month and hit Harris in the face with a beer bottle, blinding him. Williams came out to stand up for Harris and let’s have a match as a result.

James Storm vs. Petey Williams

Gail is with Storm here but isn’t thrilled with it. Petey speeds things up to start and a dropkick sends Storm to the floor. A dive misses though and Storm takes over. The fans want the Cowboy dead. Powerbomb sets up the Eye of the Storm for two. Petey grabs a DDT out of nowhere to put both guys down. I’m a bit distracted by Gail’s awesome rack so I apologize for the lack of play by play here. Storm blocks the Destroyer and hits a reverse DDT to take over again. Petey gets in a shot but his sunset flip is countered. Slingshot Codebreaker gets two. Last Call misses but Storm rolls him up and grabs the rope for the pin.

Rating: D. Pretty worthless match here that belonged on Impact. Williams was kind of thrown in there and fit to an extent but he could have been anyone for the most part. It was short though so I can’t really complain about it that much. Plus Gail looked great in a skirt and bra.

Post match Williams gets cuffed to the ropes as Gail protests. Storm goes after Gail so she slaps him. He loads up the beer bottle but Gail hits him low and gets the bottle herself. And then that worthless bag of skin known as Jackie Moore debuts as Storm’s new chick. Gail takes the AMW finisher, the Death Sentence.

We get a video of the New Age Outlaws going to Connecticut to make fun of WWE. This went on for awhile and I don’t think anyone really cared. This is set to the Hardy Boys’ old music from the late 90s. The Outlaws put up 1,000,000 dollars for a match against any WWE team. Here they are (the Voodoo Kin Mafia or whatever) for the challenge. They declare victory over WWE for some reason.

They talk about chilling at Titan Towers and Vince did nothing. Then they went to a house show and bothered Paul Levesque (HHH) who did nothing. They do wish him well in healing his leg though. They went to San Antonio to find Michael Hickenbottom (HBK) but he was a no show. Then they put out the million dollar charity (first time I’ve heard that mentioned) challenge but Vince turned it down. It would have helped ratings apparently.

Roadie makes fun of Vince for letting Cena lose to Kevin Federline and the celebrity look-a-likes (Rosie and Trump I think) have a match. I have no idea what the point of this was. The booing that was heard turned into TNA chants. That’s actually true, and then they do stupid stuff like this because this is what you pay to see when you buy a TNA PPV: people talking about WWE. Roadie actually says that Vince insults people’s intelligence. I’d advice you to scroll up about a page or two and make your own jokes. The fans don’t seem to care here.

He says that this is like the Iraqis having purple fingers from voicing their opinions. Yeah, because picking a wrestling company when you can watch both without overlapping is like freedom to vote. The fans are led in a chorus of We’re Not Gonna Take It and that’s it. And no it isn’t because Christy Hemme is here. She cries about how Shawn/HHH and the Outlaws are debated about who the foundation of DX. I kid you not, she asks what about Chyna.

It’s about women like her and Lita and Trish and WHAT IS THE POINT WITH THIS??? Oh it’s the start of Hemme’s women power thing. She talks about how the women aren’t disposable and how she wants to wrestle. This is just awful. The fans chant WE WANT WRESTLING and Christy says she does too, then she proceeds to keep talking. She goes into her last tirade and the fans chant boring. This has been going on over ten minutes now.

Roadie says there’s a place for women in the business and sounds sympathetic. Billy says that Christy is a sl** (BIG pop) and tells her to go back to stripping. Girls are good for two things, prompting a suck it sign. Christy goes off on him again and slaps Kip (Billy) to finally end this. For some reason, this got about 15 minutes in total, or longer than every match on the card other than one tonight. And it led to Christy in a tuxedo match and managing a bunch of tag teams.

Team 3D says they’re ready for LAX. Runt (Spike) and Konnan have both been taken out for this match. Ray talks about the fans and how LAX has no idea how lucky they have it. They leave and Sting pops up, looking for Abyss. And that’s it.

We recap LAX vs. 3D. LAX has the titles, the Dudleys want them, Brother Runt and Konnan got beaten up. Runt is an alcoholic or something.

Tag Titles: LAX vs. Team 3D

D-Von vs. Hernandez gets us going. D-Von is played up as being just as strong as Hernandez here which is probably a stretch but I’ll go with it. Spinning elbow gets two. Off to Ray who chews on gum that Homicide spits out. Ray spits it back at him and that’s your pairing at the moment. The fans chant 187 as Homicide gets caught up in the power game. BIG Rock Bottom gets two. That looked awesome.

Off to D-Von who gets caught by Hernandez and a double team attack gets two. The spinning elbow takes Homicide down and it’s back to Ray. It’s been about 90% Dudleys at this point. Ray and Homicide go to the floor and Homicide gets killed. Does that make sense? Either way it’s off to SuperMex again. Off to a chinlock and the fans want tables. The LAX control doesn’t last long as D-Von beats them down again.

Splash misses for Hernandez and D-Von takes over (Ray: KILL HIM!) again. LAX gets caught by double teaming and Ray doesn’t seem to feel the need to get involved. He gets a tag a few seconds later and What’s Up Hernandez. 3D from 3D to Homicide and Hernandez is sent to the floor. And here’s Runt in a Santa suit, drunk off his Spike. He jumps off the top onto Homicide and that’s a DQ.

Rating: C-. Not a terrible match here and the ending was about the only way they could manage to keep the titles on LAX. This was pretty one sided the whole time so they couldn’t change the titles or having a regular ending without making one team look weak. Konnan being gone was fine for an explanation for the lack of cohesiveness from the champs. This was the first of five straight PPVs these two were against each other.

Joe says welcome to the ending Kurt. It’s personal now as it almost always is.

Recap of Joe vs. Angle. Joe was undefeated in TNA but Kurt showed up and in his first match, broke the streak. Joe won at the next PPV and this is the rubber match. They really could have built this up for a year at least but they did it in a month for some reason.

Kurt Angle vs. Samoa Joe

30 minute iron man match, winner gets the title shot next month. The fans are totally split here. They go to the corner to start and then to the mat after about a minute. Joe runs him over and Kurt hits the floor. Back in and they’re clearly pacing themselves here. Three minutes in and there’s more stalling by Kurt. Back in Kurt chokes away in the corner but Joe gets a running kick for two. Five minutes in.

Joe hooks something like a seated abdominal stretch and then a front facelock. Angle gets in a shot at Joe’s bad knee and hits a belly to belly suplex to take over. Off to a chinlock to eat up a few minutes. Joe gets up and hits a snap suplex and both guys are down at ten minutes in. Back up and Kurt gets sent to the floor. Elbow suicida mostly misses but they’re both down anyway.

Angle has a small cut on his head. Joe gets two and a powerslam but misses a charge. The American hits a German on the Samoan for two. Joe tries the MuscleBuster but Kurt rolls through. Joe rolls through that into the Clutch for a tap at just shy of 13:00 gone by. It’s 1-0 Joe. Things reset a bit but Kurt takes over with some right hands. Off to a chinlock and we hit the halfway point while in that hold.

Joe rolls through an Angle Slam and hits a running knee to the face for two. Angle picks the ankle though and Joe taps out with 13:57 to go to tie it up. Angle controls as the fans chant for Joe. Back to the chinlock but Angle shifts back into the ankle lock and Joe taps for the second time to make it 2-1 with about 11 minutes to go. Both guys are down again. Why Angle is tired I’m not quite sure but he is.

Angle pounds away in the corner with ten minutes left. Joe tries the MuscleBuster again but gets rolled up for two. Angle Slam gets the same. There go the straps and the ankle lock goes on again. Joe counters this time and this time the MuscleBuster ties us up at 7:40 to go. The fans think Joe’s Gonna Kill Him but Angle takes the knee out again. Back to the ankle lock with the grapevine but Angle goes to just a regular one instead. Joe kicks him off so Angle goes up. Kurt jumps off but into a suplex attempt. He rolls through though and takes a 3-2 lead over Joe at 5:19 to go.

Five minutes left. Angle starts stalling with four and a half minutes to go. Out to the floor and Angle is fine with chilling there for awhile. Four minutes left. Angle starts running but Joe’s leg keeps him from running. Back in and Joe is in trouble. Kurt charges into the corner and runs into a release Rock Bottom. Three minutes left. MuscleBuster is countered and Angle wraps the leg around the post. 2:30 to go.

They strike it out on the floor and back in with two minutes left. Joe hits a kick and Buster but Kurt gets his foot on the ropes. 90 seconds left. Both submissions are broken up and 60 seconds left. Joe tries the choke but Angle plays defense. 30 seconds left and Joe hooks an ankle lock on Kurt. There’s the grapevine but Kurt barely hangs on and tapes after the bell, managing to win.

Rating: B-. It was good but they never hit a high gear like they’re capable of. It had good drama at the end though which is really the best thing you can ask for. Keeping this at 30 minutes instead of an hour is a great idea and should be the norm for all Iron Man matches. Good match but these two are better at one fall stuff.

Sting says he’ll separate Abyss from his puppeteer tonight. Cue Mitchell and Abyss with the manager saying Sting is just as much of an animal as Abyss. Sting grabs Mitchell and says tonight Mitchell will be dancing with the devil.

We recap the world title match. Sting lost the title to Abyss via DQ at the last PPV so this is his rematch. As for Christian, he and Tomko know something about Abyss’ past and that Abyss was in prison for shooting his dad. Sting is trying to save Abyss from the dark side and almost did when Mitchell was gone, but Mitchell got him back recently.

NWA World Title: Sting vs. Abyss vs. Christian Cage

Elimination rules. Tomko will be locked in a small cage at ringside. Christian gets knocked down quickly so the others go at it. Abyss is champion here if that wasn’t clear. He gets knocked to the floor so Sting beats up Christian for awhile. Abyss pulls Sting to the floor and rams him into the cage. Now Cage is thrown around too. All Abyss at the moment. Christian gets in a shot and goes back inside with Abyss as Sting is still down.

Shock Treatment hits for two on the second attempt. Christian takes out the knee but jumps into a chokeslam for two. Tomko reaches through the cage and chokes Sting. Abyss hits the Black Hole Slam but the referee is yelling at Tomko. Christian guillotines Abyss on the ropes, right into a Death Drop from Sting and it’s one on one (despite a very clear shot of Abyss’ shoulder being up). Abyss chokes Sting before he leaves.

Christian uses the distraction for a missile dropkick for two. Off to a chinlock for a change of pace. Sting Hulks Up and gorilla presses the Canadian. Superplex puts both guys down and Sting can’t cover. Mitchell comes back down for no apparent reason. Sting hooks the Deathlock in the middle of the ring but Mitchell hits the guy holding the key and frees Tomko. Tomko runs in and hits a Rack Neckbreaker which is good for two.

Christian distracts the referee as Tomko comes in again. Sting knocks him to the floor as Abyss returns to beat Tomko up. Christian misses a belt shot and walks into an Unprettier from Sting for a VERY close two. Down goes the referee and Mitchell comes back in. Abyss is there too and Sting puts Mitchell in the Deathlock. Abyss I guess turns again, hitting Sting with a chain. A Frog Splash gives Christian the title.

Rating: C-. This didn’t really do it for me. It’s not bad, but MAN was it overdone at the end. Christian gets a world title out of it so the internet exploded, but at the same time the match was pretty boring. It just went too crazy at the end and the match felt like a trainwreck. Also it was pretty short, which didn’t help things.

Overall Rating: C-. It’s far better than Against All Odds, but this was a step off. The problem for the most part is that the main event feels like an afterthought, but it had to be given that Angle vs. Joe was the real main event. They kind of backed themselves into a corner with that, but given what they had it’s understandable. The other issue the title match had is that it felt very rushed. Gee, could it be because you spent FIFTEEN MINUTES ON A FREAKING CHRISTY HEMME SEGMENT??? Time management: it’s always been one of TNA’s biggest issues and it still is today. Ok show, nothing really memorable though.

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Against All Odds 2007
Date: February 11, 2007
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 900
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Don West

Another TNA show here with a very basic main event of Angle vs. Cage for the title that Christian won last month. Other than that we have Abyss vs. Sting in a Prison Yard match. Oh this is going to hurt isn’t it? It always does. 2007 was such a bad year for TNA but to their credit they bounced back the next year. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about how Christian is great (“The best thing since sliced bread. Who are we kidding? I’m better than sliced bread.”) and how Angle is still pretty new around here and is looking for his first TNA (officially NWA) world title.

Team 3D is in the ring to open the show as they want to start the Little Italy street fight right now.

Team 3D vs. LAX

LAX has the titles but this is non-title. There are tables in the ring like at a stereotypical Italian restaurant. LAX comes from under the ring while Konnan is being wheeled out and jumps 3D to open things up. All LAX to start with Hernandez cracking D-Von with a chair and both of them hitting dives. Scratch that as Hernandez gets popped with a chair on the landing to give 3D the advantage.

For some reason there are cage kind of things with dancing girls in them at ringside. Ok then. Ray catches a diving Homicide and hits a fallaway slam onto the ramp. And now Ray gets the girls from the cages put onto his lap. Ok then. All LAX here as D-Von gets double teamed. Homicide brings in a trashcan complete with trash. He finds a pizza cutter and D-Von gets carved up.

Ray counters with a cheese grater which cuts up Homicide so Ray can lick the blood. The “Latino Nation” (read as guys in white undershirts and bandanas) come in for a beatdown but 3D fights them off. What’s Up to Homicide. It’s table time but they load up What’s Up on Hernandez, only to have D-Von dive on the Latino Nation guys instead. Hernandez fights back and hits a spinebuster to Bubba through the table. A top rope elbow from Homicide gets two. Saving Grace gets two for D-Von (the reverse inverted DDT) and his face is covered in blood. The Latino Nation blocks a superplex and the Border Toss pins D-Von.

Rating: C-. Just a standard hardcore brawl with a lot of blood. I don’t get the appeal of these but I’m sure they have an audience. Nothing happened as far as the titles until Lockdown where 3D got them off of LAX. LAX was supposed to be this huge deal but I never really got what was all that great about them. They were certainly good but I didn’t get the mass appeal.

Austin Starr talks about how he’ll get to shine tonight and makes various movie references. Bob Backlund strolls through the shot and Starr threatens him with violence. Starr leaves and Backlund says a lot of long words and implies he’ll fight back.

Austin Starr vs. Senshi

Starr was in the finals of something called the Paparazzi Production Series and felt he got cheated (he did) so he wants a chance to get noticed tonight. There are a bunch of people in the front row who look like a softball team. Senshi starts off fast and pounds away with his strikes. Starr sends him to the floor and hits the suicide dive. Slingshot hilo and an elbow drop get two.

A back rake gets two so Starr pulls on his ears. HARD chop by Starr. Pendulum elbow misses and Senshi fires off some kicks. Gutwrench powerbomb gets two for Starr. Senshi comes back with more kicks and chops. A springboard enziguri gets two. They both try suplexes but Senshi hits a Liger Kick. That doesn’t get sold as Sensehi misses a splash. Starr hooks a quick crossface chickenwing but it’s released quickly. Warrior’s Way misses and it’s back to the chickenwing. Starr tries an O’Connor Roll but Senshi rolls through and it gets a messy and mostly unclear three for the pin.

Rating: C-. Again the match was ok but I don’t care for these two. Their styles don’t do anything for me and therefore the matches come off as pretty uninteresting. I’m not a fan of all the strikes and the like which makes these indy guy matches dull. Not terrible, but it came and went and it’s over.

Post match Starr is ticked off and throws a bunch of chairs into the ring. He demands a mic and says he demands the match get restarted. He’ll throw every chair into the ring until someone restarts it. Backlund comes out and Starr backs away from the old man. He slaps Backlund and gets locked in the chickenwing. I know he’s nuts but I love Backlund.

Tomko and Christian get in an argument about I believe Steiner. Steiner comes in and yells because Tomko won’t shine his shoes or clean his glasses. Steiner yells about Tomko but Christian turns this around onto Angle somehow. Scott says he’s about to want to beat up Christian instead of Angle. Christian tells Tomko to go fix this.

We run down the rest of the card.

Recap of Christy Hemme vs. most males in TNA. She says she wouldn’t sleep her way to the top but the James Gang (Kip in particular) said she should do that and this started on a long feud that not many people cared about. Cornette says he’ll have an opponent for her.

Christy Hemme vs. ???

It’s a tuxedo match. And the opponent is…..Big Fat Oily Guy. Literally that’s his name and it’s a parody of Big Dick Johnson from WWE. Oh joy. Christy doesn’t look bad in a tux. Then again there’s very little she wouldn’t look good in. Oily guy is billed as being from Stanford, Connecticut. I’m not going to bother talking about this. Both of them lose their jackets and Oily Guy loses his shirt. This is booed out of the building. Christy wins in about two and a half minutes. Just awful.

Kip James comes out and strips her post match.

We get the latest Paparazzi Production Video and it’s implied that it’s a sex tape with Traci and Eric. It’s of Traci in a hotel room on the phone. There’s a Roode contract there and she glares at the cameraman, whoever that is. She’s off the phone and someone knocks. The cameraman gets into the closet and it’s to be continued.

We recap the Basebrawl which is a couple of baseball players and a wrestler each. Lance Hoyt says that Dale Torborg and AJ Pierzynski don’t get what he has to do. He’ll have David Eckstein with him. Johnny Damon was involved in this somehow too.

Dale Torborg vs. Lance Hoyt

Torborg is more famous as The Demon in WCW. Oh ok the softball team from earlier is Team Eckstein. Torborg was the strength coach for the White Sox so he really is a baseball guy. The fans chant baseball sucks. They go to the floor and this is a big mess. AJ whips Hoyt into the railing. The fans do not care. I mean AT ALL. I love baseball but I have no idea why this is here. Well I know why it’s here because it’s good to have your name associated with Major League Baseball but don’t expect the live fans to care.

Torborg hasn’t been a regular wrestler in about six years at this point and Hoyt is a pretty generic big guy so there isn’t even a decent match to see here. Hoyt tries a run up the corner spinning cross body and slips, hitting most of one of Torborg’s legs. Hoyt makes a comeback and goes up but Pierzynski hits him with a chair so Torborg can get the pin.

Rating: D-. The match was horrible but like I said, I get the point in them doing it. That being said, Torborg isn’t a wrestler anymore and could only do basic stuff, making the match a total joke. To be fair though, they kept it short (five minutes) and the baseball guys are professional athletes so them getting physical is a lot more believable.

Eckstein gets in and says what happened with the chair while his brother pops Torborg with a chair. The match is restarted and a layout F5 ends Torborg.

More of the Paparazzi video including a few jokes from Nash in the first place. In the film, Eric arrives with chocolates and flowers. He ate some of the chocolates and the flowers are plastic. She rips his shirt off and allegedly it’s both of their first times. Eric’s unknown friend told him that was a bad idea but as he’s about to sign, it’s to be continued again.

We recap AJ vs. Rhyno. AJ had been running so they’re having a chain match. That makes sense right? WELL OF COURSE THAT’S NOT ALL THEN!!! There are going to be poles or something and the key is on one of them and there’s a weapon on another one.

AJ Styles vs. Rhyno

The weapon of choice is a nightstick. AJ runs a lot and Rhyno chases after him instead of just standing still and letting AJ run out of room on the chain. AJ gets back in first and hits a baseball slide to take over. They get into a tug of war and Rhyno takes over with pure power. The chain is wrapped around the post here. Back inside now and Rhyno takes over and hits a belly to belly.

Gore is countered by a dropkick and AJ chokes him with the chain. AJ goes for the key but Rhyno makes the stop. You don’t win if you get to the key or anything. AJ just gets loose and makes the whole gimmick totally pointless. Springboard forearm takes Rhyno down for a delayed two. Rhyno takes over and hits a spinebuster for two. He gets the nightstick but AJ hits him low to switch the momentum back.

AJ gets in some stick shots which should probably knock someone into a coma but it doesn’t even knock Rhyno down here. Styles gets the key and unhooks himself to totally negate the point of this match. AJ cuffs the chain to the ropes, tying Rhyno to it. Rhyno can get over halfway across the ring though so it’s not that horrible. Pele puts Rhyno down but he walks into a Gore but Rhyno can’t reach the key. Hebner casually kicks the key over to Rhyno in what is supposed to be a big deal I guess.

Ok now no one is chained up. In a chain match you know. Spinebuster puts Styles down and Rhyno goes for a table. Rhyno tries the running spinebuster kind of thing but AJ escapes. Another belly to belly looks to set up the Gore through the table but AJ moves and pins the not very down Rhyno off the crash.

Rating: D. It was an ok match but the gimmick part of it made my head hurt. This is Russo 101. If you want to have a gimmick attached that’s fine, but don’t overdo it like this. What did the poles and the key add to this? Either have the gimmick or don’t have it. It turned this into a game show instead of a match, which is what gets old with Russo.

Here’s part 3 of the Paparazzi thing. Eric doesn’t want to sign so Traci takes her jacket off to leave. He signs on her chest and the cameraman moves. She makes Eric close his eyes and Traci runs off, giving the contract to a waiting Roode. And they leave. That’s the end of the film. Backlund runs in and FREAKS, yelling about adult films.

We recap Sabin vs. Lynn. It’s old vs. new. Again.

X-Division Title: Jerry Lynn vs. Chris Sabin

The old X Title looks like a toy. They go to the mat to start and Sabin is sent to the floor. The idea is that Sabin underestimates Lynn because Lynn is 43. Sabin stalls more and we get some technical stuff with Sabin not being able to do anything to counter Lynn. And Sabin stalls AGAIN. The fans think this is boring as Lynn avoids a dive by Sabin. Sabin finally does something by kicking the ropes as Lynn gets back in.

Chris stomps away and works on the back. Backbreaker gets two and it’s off to a bow and arrow. Dropkick to the back gets two. Lynn tries to get something going but Sabin drops him face first onto the buckle. Another backbreaker gets two. Sabin gets in his face and pops him in the face a few times. Jumping back elbow in the corner has Lynn in trouble. Lynn kind of Hulks Up and fires off some dropkicks. Into the corner and Lynn spits onto his hands and rubs it in Sabin’s face, which Sabin did earlier.

Lynn gets a bit too cocky though and walks into a kick. Neckbreaker gets two for the challenger. Sabin is sent to the apron and manages a Stunner onto the ropes to take over again. Helicopter Powerbomb gets two for the champ. Cradle Shock is countered into a sunset flip for two. TKO gets two. Lynn tries the Cradle (theme in this match) Piledriver but his back goes out and Sabin backdrops him, grabs the rope and gets the pin.

Rating: C+. This was fine. What more can you ask for than a decent match with an injury worked in and then that injury playing into the ending? That’s what you call psychology people and while this was very basic levels of it, that’s all you need at times, especially in a match like this. Fun stuff and the best match of the show so far.

Samoa Joe, the unofficial enforcer for the main event, leaves Angle’s dressing room.

Here’s Roode for an interview. He and Traci are very happy about the contract that they have Young’s signature on. Roode talks about how Traci finally did something right and calls out Eric Young. Young is all depressed and Roode says he doesn’t get what the fans love about him. He’s figured it out now though: the fans see themselves in Young. Like Young, the fans are worthless. Just like Young, the people will never know what it’s like to be successful.

They’ll never know what it’s like to sleep with a beautiful woman either. That gets Young’s dander up and he wants to hit Roode but he can’t bring himself to do it because it means he’s fired, which is Eric’s greatest fear. This would be the scene for about the next three months between these two.

Christian says everything is cool but Tomko walks away when asked if things are cool with Tomko and Steiner. As for Angle, Christian knows that Angle won a gold medal. Well the NWA World Title is the gold medal of TNA, so at the end of the night, Christian will be standing on top of the medal stand. Cornette pops up and reminds Christian that in TNA, if a champion is disqualified the title changes hands, so his goons better not get involved.

We recap the mixed tag. Gail Kim had been turned on by Storm so she wanted to beat him up but Jackie Moore returned for the save. Petey Williams is with Gail for some reason so let’s have a mixed tag!

Gail Kim/Petey Williams vs. James Storm/Jackie Moore

The guys start us off and it’s Petey in early control. Jackie wants in there because she hasn’t annoyed us yet. Off to Gail who is looking good in those white shorts. The heels cheat so the fans chant brokeback cowboy. Storm hooks on a bad chinlock. Petey tries to come back but gets kicked in the face for two. The fans now want to kill the cowboy. Not nice people there in Orlando.

Eye of the Storm puts Petey down again. This has basically been one sided so far. Off to Jackie for more of her great additions to this one. Petey finally starts moving and hits a slingshot Codebreaker to Storm. The problem is Petey can’t tag because his partner has breasts. Here comes the Destroyer but Jackie continues to mess up our good time. The girls go at it which is a lot less exciting than it sounds. Top rope dropkick puts Jackie down for two. Gail rolls her up but is kicked off, right into Storm. The collision is enough for Jackie to pin her.

Rating: D. Whatever man. I don’t really see why this feud was supposed to be interesting but the idea here was to have Storm be out there for the post match thing which we’ll get to in a minute. As for Jackie, she continues to hold the title of most worthless female in the history of wrestling.

Post match Storm goes for a bottle shot but Williams saves it, only to get kicked in the face. The referee takes a DDT from Jackie and they load up the Death Sentence on Williams. And here’s Chris Harris for the big return, looking to kill Storm. This would set up one of the worst TNA matches I’ve ever seen and then the rematch which was one of the best.

We recap Sting vs. Abyss. Oh boy it’s Sting vs. Abyss. Ok so Abyss was basically subservient to James Mitchell and Sting wanted him to be his own man. Mitchell said it’ll never work and this spiraled into a huge and overly complicated backstory of Abyss being in prison for shooting his father in the head three times and Mitchell getting him bailed out. I’m not sure if it’s been revealed at this point but Mitchell is Abyss’ father. The world title was involved earlier. This results in a prison yard match, whatever that is. Mitchell burned Sting’s face too. Eventually it would be revealed that Abyss’ mom shot him. Got all that?

Sting, in an Abyss mask, says he’ll take care of Mitchell after he takes care of Abyss.

Abyss vs. Sting

The arena has been made to look like a prison yard and there’s a solitary confinement box. You put the other guy in it and lock it to win. Whatever. Abyss comes out to the ring, then walks outside where the match starts. Sting goes into the arena also and plays to the crowd a bit. He’s in the singlet and t-shirt ensemble this time. Outside he goes and the match is finally ready to get going.

They’re outside to start and they fight near a big dumpster, as in one of the kind that’s like 15 feet long. Sting gets launched into it and Abyss loads up a table. Sting pops out of the dumpster and hits Abyss with something that he found in there. For no adequately explored reason, Abyss rolls himself onto the table and Sting splashes him through it. They go into the arena now and Sting finds a barbed wire ball bat which goes into the ribs and back and arm of Abyss.

Sting calls for the cage to be lowered but Abyss avoids going into it. Sting beats up Mitchell and steals his belt, popping Mitchell with it for fun. I must have missed Abyss getting knocked down. Sting whips Mitchell for awhile and Mitchell is busted. Abyss finally comes back and the brawl continues. He pulls one of the lights off the posts and shatters it over Sting’s head. That looked great.

Abyss still can’t quite put him in the cage though so here’s a table. And here’s a barbed wire board. You know, because every wrestling ring has one underneath it. Black Hole Slam puts Sting down and Abyss rips the mask off Sting. He still can’t shut the cage though and Sting hits a pair of Splashes and the Death Drop. Sting puts Abyss in the cage but doesn’t shut up because Mitchell runs in.

Sting, Rhodes Scholar that he is, puts Mitchell in the Deathlock and Abyss runs him over. Abyss puts him on the table For absolutely no apparent reason, Abyss tries to climb up the cage. Sting gets up and since Abyss is slower than molasses at Christmas delivered by a snail with a limp, Sting loads up the barbed wire board onto the table, pops Abyss with the bat and powerbombs him through the board/table. That’s good for the win.

Rating: C+. How exactly do you call something like this? It isn’t exactly a match that has a precedent for it but the match was entertaining enough. The whole idea was for Sting to get to be able to be alone with Mitchell and that’s what happened. It was fun enough so I can’t really complain.

Sting destroys Mitchell post match until security makes the save. Mitchell would be gone for six months.

Angle talks about how when he got here, Samoa Joe looked like the best in the company. They beat each other up but it was worth it to get here.

We recap the world title match. Angle won the shot in an iron man match last month. Tomko was brought in to help out Christian and Steiner came in too. Joe was teased as the helper but Joe keeps saying he’ll be impartial.

NWA World Title: Christian Cage vs. Kurt Angle

Christian is undefeated in TNA at this point. Tomko gets thrown out before the bell. Joe isn’t here yet either despite being the unofficial enforcer. Angle easily takes him to the mat to start. About a minute and a half in, here’s Joe with a chair. After the match basically stops for a minute, let’s continue. Angle pounds him down and grabs a quick ankle lock but the champ gets to the floor.

More bald man dominance out there as Angle picks him up in the Slam position and rams him back first into the post. The fans are into this and split probably 70/30 to Angle. Kurt misses a charge and his shoulder goes into the post. Joe yells at Angle because he wants the next shot to be at Angle. Oh yeah I forgot: Joe gets the winner at Destination X. Off to a chinlock back in the ring.

Back to the floor and nothing happens so let’s go back inside. They slug it out from their knees and Kurt takes over. Kurt hits some suplexes but both finishers are countered, resulting in the ankle lock but Christian quickly gets a rope. Low blow sets up the Unprettier for two. Slingshot by Kurt sends Christian into the corner. For some reason the champ tries to climb the ropes so Kurt runs them and throws him down.

The American hits the Germans on the Canadian, getting all the way to seven but that only gets two somehow. AJ runs in out of nowhere and gets on the top but Angle says jump. Joe chases AJ to the back and Christian pops Angle with a chair during the distraction. A Frog Splash gets two. Unprettier gets two. Kurt grabs an ankle lock but Cage counters, sending Kurt into the referee.

Angle Slam gets a very delayed two. The ref goes down again and here’s Tomko to take out Joe, only to walk into rolling Germans. Here’s Steiner with a pipe and Joe gets back up. Angle thinks Joe jumped him I think but Joe takes out the muscle guys. Joe beats them to the back and Angle throws on the ankle lock and Christian taps. No referee though so Christian pops Angle with the pipe and Unprettier #3 keeps the title on him.

Rating: B-. Fun main event here and a solid match for a B-ish level PPV. This set up Christian vs. Joe where Christian cheated again to keep the title. Good enough match as Christian did a lot of growing up in TNA, as he was just a midcard guy before this in WWE. Granted having matches with Angle and Joe is going to help anyone.

Overall Rating: C. Very much just an average show. It’s not bad but it pretty much just came and went. Some of it was good and some of it was bad, but for the most part here there was nothing on this card that I’m going to remember. I wouldn’t have been terribly disappointed had I watched it live though, which is usually a good sign. This was good enough. That’s about as good of a description as I can give it.

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Lockdown 2007
Date: April 15, 2007
Location: Family Arena, Saint Charles, Missouri
Attendance: 6,000
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Don West

Back to TNA now for a show that apparently holds the record for highest PPV attendance. This is the usual deal where everything is in a cage. The main event is Lethal Lockdown, which is their version of WarGames. The teams tonight are Team Cage vs. Team Angle which is a feud that went on forever. Anyway let’s get to it.

The opening video is about prisons. Makes sense. It shifts into a video about how deadly the main event is.

Lethal, who is pretty freshly Black Machismo, as in he started it ten days earlier, says he’s going to win the title tonight.

X-Division Title: Chris Sabin vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. Jay Lethal vs. Alex Shelley vs. Shark Boy

Sabin is champion and this is an Xscape match, as in first one out is the winner. They tried this a bunch of times but they screwed it up by having like ten people in it. Five is about perfect. Lethal has Nash with him. The cage is kind of different as it looks like the old cage with the squares in the walls, but they’re a lot smaller. I like it. And they have to tag. What exactly are the rules for this thing? That’s not worth letting us know, because we need to talk about the main event.

Dutt and Sabin start. If I remember right, it’s elimination rules and when you get down to the final two it’s escape only. Hey I’m right. Sabin and Shelley try to cheat but Sabin has to put the brakes on. Dutt does his flips but gets placed on the top rope. Sabin sets for a superplex but Shark Boy walks the ropes and tags himself in for a three man Tower of Doom.

Sharky vs. Shelley now and a neckbreaker gets two for the fish. Hurricanrana and a missile dropkick get two. Sabin and Shelley work together a bit more but Shark Boy easily takes care of both of them. To be fair the Guns weren’t a team in TNA yet but this would be their first date for lack of a better term. Sharky tries Diamond Dust but gets caught in a reverse DDT by Shelley. A double legdrop via the Guns take care of him and we’re down to four.

Lethal is in next to a big reaction. Lethal works over Alex but Sabin interferes again and Shelley hits a top rope jawbreaker to put Lethal down. Sabin goes over and blasts Dutt for no apparent reason. Not a nice guy. Sabin vs. Lethal now with Sabin firing off a rapid fire Garvin Stomp. The Guns hit some stuff that would become signature moves over the years. The fans love Shelley.

The Guns beat on Dutt as only they can. Off to Lethal and things speed up again. He fires off a ton of rights to Sabin but the Guns are too much for him. The sequence where they get Lethal on the mat with Shelley having him in a neckbreaker position so Sabin can hit a running dropkick gets two. Dutt tries a springboard double clothesline but slips off so he hits Shelley but the wrong side of him.

Dutt hits an Asai Moonsault press but the Guns are too much for him as Shelley hits a Stunner and crossface style hold. It’s a tag match now and the non-Guns have stereo submissions on. The ASCS Rush puts Lethal down and a wicked Cradle Shock gets rid of Dutt. Lethal hits Lethal Combinations on both guys and the top rope elbow gets us down to two. Now it’s just escape. Lethal takes over and they both climb. They get on the top and both climb down but Sabin gets a kick to knock him into the cage, allowing Chris to drop to the floor to retain.

Rating: B-. This was a very solid opener with the crowd getting way into the Guns. They would officially unite by the end of the month, starting off a multi-year run which is still technically going despite injuries. Lethal would get the title during the summer, holding it for a whopping two days! The Guns would somehow not win the tag titles until 2010.

Team Cage (world champion Christian Cage, Tomko, Steiner, AJ and Abyss) says they’ll win but Tomko and Abyss almost get into a fight. Christian points out that Team Angle arrived separately. They don’t like Jarrett, who is the last member of Team Angle. If any member of Team Cage gets the winning fall, they get a title shot. This turns into Steiner and Tomko arguing about Christmas.

We recap Roode vs. Young which is still going on. The idea is that Young signed a contract with Young after getting screwed by Miss Brooks. This would be probably the peak of Young’s popularity. Young talked about having a friend who would help him and Petey Williams started helping him. That’s not the friend, who would be revealed in a few weeks.

Petey Williams vs. Robert Roode

Roode is the rich dude still. Young is with Roode and gets yelled at before the match. Petey hammers away to start and controls early with speed and stomping. Springboard Codebreaker gets two. Williams does the Tree of Woe spot where he stands on Roode’s balls and sings O Canada. Roode manages to send him into the buckle to shift momentum and I remember why I never wanted to see him get a singles push.

Roode is just totally uninteresting at this point. If you think he’s boring now, today’s Roode has NOTHING on 07 Roode. A SICK clothesline puts Williams down and Eric is just kind of sitting there and doesn’t like what he’s seeing. Middle rope kneedrop gets two. Off to the chinlock. Petey makes a comeback and tries a crucifix for two but he eats cage to break that up. I don’t remember anyone else going into the cage all night until then.

Rock Bottom gets two. Brooks tries to send in a hockey stick but Young makes the save. Williams hits something that we miss as Brooks and Eric are fighting outside. Williams hits a rana back inside as the camera is from above the cage for some reason. The camera goes back to Young so AGAIN we miss whatever Petey uses for two. A dropkick doesn’t hit Roode but he goes into the corner anyway.

Despite that PAINFUL missing dropkick, Roode hits a spinebuster for two. The Canadian sitcom on the floor continues as Roode demands the hockey stick, but Petey hits a cool DDT for two. Now Petey asks for the stick and a few shots with it take Roode down. And Hebner intercepts it because we can’t have weapons in a cage or something. Rollup gets two for Williams. Destroyer is countered and the Payoff (PerfectPlex) ends this.

Rating: C. I kind of liked this actually. Young was wildly popular at this point which shows you how bad Roode was, considering even he couldn’t get over with Young out there. Roode was just so boring and uninteresting that he needed Beer Money or he would have had nothing else to do.

Roode shoves Young post match.

Angle goes to talk to Rhyno who isn’t happy. They have to change the order of entrance tonight. Rhyno doesn’t trust Jarrett but Joe REALLY doesn’t trust him, so Angle should go have this talk with Joe instead.

We recap Gail vs. Jackie. Does it really matter? There was something at Final Resolution, Jackie TALKED REALLY LOUDLY and since that’s the extent of what she does, there’s your story.

Jackie Moore vs. Gail Kim

Gail does look good in those little sky blue shorts. They start fighting on the ramp and Jackie takes over, sending Gail on top of the announce table. Gail gets water poured on her and they haven’t been in the cage yet even though the bell rang. Ok now they’re inside (with a nice view of Gail on the way in) and the fans do not seem to care. Gail goes to escape about 20 seconds after they’re in but Jackie continues to be annoying by making this continue.

Jackie takes over and I always wonder why she had a job. Either way, the American hits a German on the Canadian but Gail pops up anyway. They exchange worthless attempts to go up and Gail gets a sunset flip for one. I think Gail gets sent into the cage but it really wasn’t clear. Gail goes up and hits a dropkick and both of them are down. Kim gets up and goes for the door, resulting in a brawl on the apron with the door open. Gail slams it on Jackie’s face but stays in. Gail goes up and jumps off with a cross body (hitting Jackie square in the face. At least she couldn’t make Jackie any uglier) for the pin.

Rating: D. This was rather bad and not just because I can’t stand Jackie Moore. The cage slamming onto Jackie’s head did make me smile but anytime someone beats her up it’s a good thing. The cross body was bad looking, because that could have been a bad injury to either of them. Still though, bad match.

Bob Backlund, the referee for the next match, is insane and has long fingernails. He doesn’t say he’ll call it down the line.

Austin Starr vs. Senshi

No backstory to this, because I don’t think TNA can explain it either. This went on for awhile and there was something about Kevin Nash holding a tournament which turned into a talent show and the X-Division Title was involved somehow. It made no sense and I don’t think they knew what was going on with it. I say that about a lot of stories, but this was one of the stranger ones ever.

Starr is Austin Aries who is from TV Land. See what I mean by this story making no sense? Backlund tries to keep things civil and Senshi takes over with his high impact stuff. Senshi chops him a lot Starr takes over with a back rake and suplex for two. STO sets up the pendulum elbow for two. Powerbomb gets two and it’s off to a half crab. Some more back work eats up a minute or two.

Senshi comes back with kicks to take over. Starr gets backdropped into the cage and a Capo kick gets two. Austin takes over again because guys of this style don’t particularly care for selling. He hits a powerbomb kind of move out of the corner and uses the ropes for two. Backlund gets shoved into the ropes to crotch Senshi who was setting for the Warrior’s Way. 450 gets two. Starr shoves Backlund and Bob shoves him into a rollup for the pin.

Rating: C-. The match was fine, but I just don’t care about these guys. I have no idea what the point of it was and like I said, I doubt TNA did either. This was basically any match with these two in it that you would pick out of a pile. There were some decent spots, but it came and went and I don’t care. Just not my taste at all.

Joe yells about Angle not letting him know who the fifth man (Jarrett) was. Come find him if you want Kurt. The idea is no one trusts Jeff. He tells Jeff to please cross a line with him because Joe will kill him if he does.

We recap Storm vs. Harris. Storm broke a beer bottle over Harris’ eye so he might never be able to see again. The result: a blindfold match, probably because no one ever watched Wrestlemania 7.

Chris Harris vs. James Storm

They’re both under hoods so they can’t see. Now go have a cage match boys! The chant of Fire Russo starts up immediately. No contact in the first minute. Ninety seconds. Storm corners the referee at about a minute thirty five. Two minutes in and the literally pass with an inch between them. Two and a half and no contact at all. They touch at 2:37 but both miss punches so let’s try it again. Three minutes now and the fans say they want wrestling. They touch again at about 3:15 and Harris tries to go to the mat but that doesn’t work either so they stop again.

Bear in mind, when there’s no “action” going on, they’re just wandering around with their hands out trying to find each other. That’s it. That’s ALL that happens. Harris points to his head with an idea. Or is he saying put the bullet here because my career is over? Anyway he points around the ring and the crowd cheering tells him where to go. Four minutes in and Harris hits seven punches and they do it again.

They get some really basic offense in (as in a knee to the ribs is a high level move) and Harris punches Storm so hard the hood flies off. We get one of the loudest BORING chants I’ve ever heard as Storm slams him but Harris rolls away to avoid an elbow. This is literally almost spot for spot the same match as Roberts vs. Martel back in 1991. Storm’s hood comes off again (Hey Storm: you’re a heel. TAKE IT OFF AND CHEAT YOU IDIOT!) but that could be too interesting so it’s back to the crawling around.

Somehow Storm manages to hit a reverse tornado DDT for two. The crowd isn’t booing now. They’re just silent. Harris counters two more attempts at it and hits a cutter off the middle rope for two. That gets two and Storm tries to climb but Harris uses the crowd again to make a save. They fight on the top rope and Harris does something like a spear off the top for two. Harris loses his hood, hits a full nelson slam….and it gets two. Harris grabs the referee and tries a Sharpshooter on him for some reason. Storm FINALLY CHEATS, hitting the Last Call with the hood off for the pin.

Rating: S. As in Sacrifice. Watch their match at Sacrifice. It’s one of the best TNA matches I’ve ever seen whereas this was just horrible. The stipulation makes sense, but as usual it’s not something that they thought through. The match ran about ten minutes and probably eight and a half was them walking around. One of the worst matches ever, and that covers a lot. Meltzer said it was the worst match of the year and I can’t say I disagree.

Angle talks to Sting who isn’t thrilled with Jarrett either. Kurt checks to make sure they’re all on the same side and Sting says he’ll go with it, but he’ll take both of them out if Jarrett does something out of line.

Daniels does some creepy promo about his purpose or something like that. He has to sacrifice something or other.

Jerry Lynn vs. Christopher Daniels

Lynn jumps him as he comes in as I think this is old vs. new but they really aren’t that clear on it. Daniels gets beaten down quickly but hits a neck snap on the top to take over. Victory roll gets two for Lynn. A leg lariat puts Jerry down and the crowd is being all quiet again. To be fair they have to follow that nonsense from the previous match so it’s going to take a lot to get them back into anything.

Daniels grabs a cord from a camera to choke Jerry. The crowd is SILENT here. Tenay tries to pass it off as the fans are too confused by Daniels. Whatever makes you sleep better at night Mikey. Lynn starts a comeback and sends Daniels into the cage. Rana gets two. DDT gets the same. This match needs to end soon. Daniels backdrops him into the cage but Lynn gets a quick cradle piledriver attempt.

Release Rock Bottom looks to set up the BME but Lynn rolls out of the way. Facejam gets two. The crowd is trying to get into it but it’s really not happening. They both go up top and Daniels hits a Downward Spiral off the top. They exchange near falls and the fans suddenly think this is awesome. I’m not sure that’s what I’d say but whatever. They go up top again where Angels’ Wings and Cradle Piledriver attempts fail. Last Rites (Cross Rhodes) ends this back in the ring.

Rating: C. Yeah whatever. Anyone that has read one of my TNA reviews before knows I don’t care for Daniels and this is no exception. The match wasn’t bad but it was just a match. The lack of a story is really hurting things here because I don’t know why these two hate each other. That and the cage is getting old.

Team 3D says they’ll win their first titles in TNA. They have a WCW tag title and a WWF tag title each. It’s an electrified steel cage match against LAX. Bubba does the talking (of course) and says tonight they win their 20th tag titles.

Quick recap video for the tag title match. Basically it’s an electrified cage match because that’s how it is at the border. Konnan’s idea, not mine.

LAX says the violence goes up tonight. Konnan is in a wheelchair at this point.

Tag Titles: Team 3D vs. LAX

No Konnan to start. This gets big match intros as it’s basically the first of two main events. The lights are dimmed for this so it’s almost blue. Apparently the current going through the cage is only on in certain places at certain times. They don’t have to tag because when the cage is electrified, tagging is pretty stupid. Team 3D controls to start. This is a hard match to call because they’re moving around kind of strangely here, due to trying to avoid the cage. It’s not bad per se, but it’s not the most exciting thing in the world.

What’s Up hits and at least D-Von was very tentative about going up due to being next to the cage. LAX takes over and uses whatever cheating methods they can. D-Von is busted and Homicide’s hand touches the cage to give us the first electrocution in the match. I didn’t expect to have to write that. Hernandez is busted too. He goes up but D-Von manages to crotch him. Homicide is crotched as well and we get nearly stereo superplexes.

D-Von beats up Homicide, hitting a powerslam for two. Konnan has been wheeled out. Whoever wheeled him out beat down the outside referee and gave Konnan some rubber gloves. Hector Guerrero, the Spanish announcer, jumps that guy (we can’t see who he is) and stares down Konnan. Apparently the guy who wheeled Konnan out was trying to get the key to the door. Hector unlocked it and the door is open. It’s hard to tell what’s going on due to the light. Bubba yells at him to hand him an F’ing table.

The delay allows for LAX to get a quick takeover but Hernandez stops to yell at Hector, so Hector slams the door on his head. The double neckbreker gets two on SuperMex. Bubba Bomb gets two on Homicide. Samoan Drop gets two on D-Von. Top rope elbow gets the same. This has gotten a good deal better. HUGE layout powerbomb gets two on Homicide by Bubba.

We get the first big electrocution spot as Hernandez Border Tosses D-Von into the cage and he vibrates like a fish on a fish frying plate. He’s COVERED in blood, which would be more effective if you could see it. The fans aren’t that thrilled with this as they chant Fire Russo. A middle rope elbow gets two for Bubba. D-Von is apparently fine after the MASSIVE ELECTROCUTION as a Doomsday Device gets two.

The table gets loaded up and D-Von is placed onto it. Hernandez puts some rubber gloves on but takes forever to do it. He climbs to the top of the cage but since he took FOREVER, the splash through the table misses. Looked awesome though. The Dudleys take over on Homicide, throw him into the cage, botch a 3D off the cage and then hit the 3D for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D. Yes it was bad, but it wasn’t THAT bad. I mean, if you compare this to the blindfold match it’s a masterpiece. The cage stuff was stupid and I’m really not sure what the point of the lights was. Maybe the cage sucked too much electricity out? Anyway, not a horrible match but it was probably way too much for the payoff they got out of it.

Angle yells at JB for suggesting that calling Jarrett was an act of desperation. Team 3D’s music is still playing because they almost immediately cut away. That’s a running thing in TNA: it’s like they’re always running behind schedule.

We recap Lethal Lockdown, which is WarGames which I’m not going to explain again. Basically it’s Christian as champion and Angle wants it. Whoever gets the fall here, wins the title shot I believe. Also Jarrett is there because Angle couldn’t find anyone else. He was totally evil before he left for a few months, but Angle vouches for him. Abyss isn’t sure if he wants to be on Christian’s team but he was basically forced to due to a threat of violence against his mother. No one thought Angle had 5 guys but Sting and Jarrett showed up to fill out the team. No one trusts Jarrett other than Angle though.

Harley Race will be keeping the key.

Team Christian vs. Team Angle

Christian Cage, Tomko, AJ Styles, Abyss, Scott Steiner
Kurt Angle, Sting, Jeff Jarrett, Samoa Joe, Rhyno

Two people start for five minutes, Team Cage gets the advantage for two minutes, after everyone is in the roof with weapons lowers, first fall wins and gets a shot at Christian at Sacrifice. AJ vs. Angle to start. AJ is still kind of an idiot at this point. He tries to take it to the mat but Angle is like boy please. Pretty much just feeling each other out so far to start. Angle goes into something made of steel and AJ stomps away. Off to the chinlock as they’re saving energy for later in the match. Kurt pops off an Angle Slam out of nowhere as the clock runs down.

Abyss is out second and Angle is in trouble. Shock Treatment to Angle and things go really slowly. Remember that there are two minute periods from now on. With really nothing happening in that period, here’s Rhyno who has to pose on the ramp before going to help his partner. He cleans house for awhile and hits a clothesline to take Abyss down. Angle is back up now so it’s a bit more balanced. Tomko comes out to make it 3-2.

The drug addict goes after the guy with alcoholic tendencies and the bearded one wins. Rhyno is busted. Joe comes in third. A lot of these periods are just coming and going with nothing interesting happening at all. Joe beats up Abyss while everyone else is kind of standing around. Down goes Tomko but AJ gets in a shot. MuscleBuster puts AJ down and Tomko takes Rolling Germans. Abyss gets caught in Joe’s Clutch as Steiner comes in to make it 4-3.

Just like the rest of the periods, he beats up all of the partners and hits what he calls the Frankensteiner on Rhyno. Other than that it’s all belly to belly suplexes. Sting comes in to tie it up. Death Drop to Abyss, Splash to Steiner, Splash to Abyss, Splash to Tomko/Styles. AJ tries to climb but Joe chases him, resulting in a SIX MAN TOWER OF DOOM. Ok that was awesome. Deathlock to Steiner but Tomko breaks it up. Christian is the final member of his team to make it 5-4.

Chops don’t work on Sting so Christian gets beaten down. Does no one watch Flair matches? Sting beats up Christian for a few moments and puts the Deathlock on him. Here’s Jarrett to fire off dropkicks for everyone and a Stroke for AJ. The roof is lowered. Everyone stands up and it’s a five on five brawl, rendering the first 21 minutes of this match totally useless.

Jarrett gets a bat but throws it to Sting. Rhyno gets a garbage can in the same method. Total dominance at this point by Team Angle. AJ gets the bat and clubs everyone not named Angle. AJ goes up through a hole in the roof to the top of the cage for some reason. Angle follows him up and Mitchell gives Abyss bags of tacks. Race pops Mitchell for his efforts and the crowd really doesn’t seem to care about this match.

Rhyno gores Tomko through the door as AJ and Angle try not to die by falling off the top of the cage. AJ cracks Angle in the head with a chair and Rhyno goes to the floor also. Steiner goes outside too and Joe dives onto Tomko. There are only four left in the cage. Abyss lays out the tacks but can’t chokeslam Sting and Jarrett at the same time.

Christian takes a double chokeslam from Sting and Jarrett which is a cool visual. Black Hole Slam to Jarrett but not onto the tacks. Angle knocks AJ off the cage onto the people outside the cage. SCARY stuff there. Abyss pours the other bag of tacks into the guitar and since he loaded it up, it goes over his head and Jarrett lets Sting get the pin and the title shot.

Rating: B-. This was more or less every Lethal Lockdown match you’ll ever see: there are too many people in the ring, the periods don’t mean anything until the end, and the match is pretty dull until the last five minutes. Still though it’s fun and it does what it’s supposed to do, which is all you can really ask for.

Sting, Rhyno and Joe shake Jarrett’s hand but Angle walks away as the show ends.

Overall Rating: D. The show isn’t totally worthless and awful, but there’s a lot more bad than good on it. The worst two matches, the blindfold and electric matches, are by far the worst with the blindfold one being one of the worst I’ve ever seen. The pretty good main event doesn’t save it and by the time you’ve sat through two and a half hours of drek, the good opener is long forgotten. Not the worst show ever, but it’s certainly not worth watching.

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Sacrifice 2007
Date: May 13, 2007
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 900
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Don West

This is a very interesting show and it’s a pretty important show in company history. The NWA has basically thrown TNA out because the NWA is really stupid and thinks those three letters are enough to carry them. Therefore, the titles aren’t officially the NWA world/tag titles anymore and I don’t think there are physical belts. The NWA bailed because they’re stupid, so the main event is for the world title with Christian vs. Sting vs. Angle. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about how we praise wrestlers like gods even though they’re just humans. They have drive though which is why they’re better than us.

All of the title matches are in triple threat matches tonight. Just what I wanted.

X-Division Title: Chris Sabin vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. Jay Lethal

Sabin is champion. Sonjay is jealous because Lethal has been getting the attention when they’re both around Nash. The fans like Lethal. Sabin immediately gets psychological on them, dropping to the mat. Dutt goes for the cover and Lethal says not so fast my friend, channeling his inner Corso. They argue for a bit and then the double teaming begins. That doesn’t last long as they keep arguing. The story here is obvious: they both want the title so they can’t work together.

The times they do work together are pretty solid though, including one instance where they throw him over the top rope to the floor, where he bounces off the concrete and into the railing. The two good guys fly around a bit without making any violent contact. Translation: it’s more like a dance recital than a match. Dutt grabs a one armed camel clutch but Sabin runs back in for a seated dropkick to Lethal’s face.

Sabin and Dutt seem to form a bond so they do the same thing that just happened, but Dutt dropkicks Sabin this time. Cute spot. Sabin takes over and makes the faces miss before hitting a headscissors/tornado DDT combo with Lethal taking the storm-themed move. Dutt is sent to the floor and Sabin hammers on Lethal a bit. Dutt breaks that up with a sweet looking reverse 619 to the leg kind of move.

Lethal goes up and hits a top rope double axe to the floor on Sabin. Dutt tops that with a big old Asai Moonsault to the floor. Back in, Sabin can’t get a top rope rana and Dutt half kills Lethal with a middle rope missile dropkick. There’s a new TNA mascot named Stomper, who I think is a crab. I wonder if he’s Mongolian. Dutt tries to take over but Lethal takes him down, only to have Lethal get knocked down by Sabin. Why am I so chatty in this review? I haven’t written this much in less than 15 minutes of a show in I don’t know how long.

Everyone is down now, presumably due to needing a chance to breathe. Dutt speeds things way up and hits a springboard seated senton (called a Thesz Press by Tenay) to Lethal for two. Sabin takes over again and puts them both in the corner with Dutt looking like he’s in a Styles Clash position from Lethal. Lethal’s hair has kind of exploded and you can see where going to the braided hair was the best thing he could have done.

The fans are split between Lethal and Sabin. What’s with the anti-Indian stance of the fans? Sue them for racism!!! Standing enziguri to Sabin, making him look like he’s having a seizure, or that he’s Elvis. Not sure which but either way a superkick puts him down. A release dragon suplex puts Dutt on the floor and the top rope elbow gets two as Dutt makes a late save (he hit Lethal in the ankle. How does that break up a pin?).

Lethal Combination gets two as Dutt dives off the top with the 450 for the save. He can’t pin either guy but he made up for the weak save a minute ago at least. This match is pretty freaking awesome if you couldn’t tell based on what I’m saying. The good guys get in another argument, allowing Sabin to roll up Dutt (I think with tights) for the pin to retain. Lethal would get the belt next month.

Rating: B. Very fun opener here. This wasn’t about being technically sound, but rather about being all over the place and incredibly entertaining, which is exactly what they did here. Dutt vs. Lethal went on for like a year and it never was all that good. Fun match here, although I have a feeling the rest of the show isn’t going to be able to top it, which isn’t good.

Lethal and Dutt brawl post match until Nash comes out for the save. Dutt kicks Nash in the leg and runs.

Roodes doesn’t want to talk about Eric Young. Instead he says Jeff Jarrett is nothing compared to him. Jarrett is going to make Roode tonight.

Nash comes up to the announce table and says he’ll take care of Sonjay on Thursday.

We run down the card to fill some time.

VKM was at a meet and greet earlier today with fans when Basham/Damaja attacked them. Roadie was injured due to getting his head slammed into the floor so tonight it’s a handicap match.

We recap Jarrett vs. Roode. Jarrett hadn’t been around since losing to Sting at Bound For Glory, which was mainly due to his wife being sick, resulting in her death ten days after this show. Jarrett had come back at Lockdown and then was revealed as Eric Young’s friend who was helping Young after he was signed by Roode.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Robert Roode

Brooks is in a neck brace due to something not important enough to be explained to us. Big ovation for Jarrett. Roode runs up the aisle as the pyro is still going and jumps Jeff before the bell. A piledriver on the floor is of course countered because it would, you know, cripple Jarrett. We get the opening bell and Jeff hammers away and struts. Brooks trips Jarrett up and we head to the floor again.

Jeff is sent into the steps and we hear about how Jeff might be a bit off tonight because this is his first singles match in over six months. Backslide gets two for Jarrett but Roode stops his momentum with a lariat. Roode goes up and jumps into a boot which was an annoying trend he had during this heel run. We look at the mascot again (instead of Brooks who is, you know, not an animal) and Jeff hits a powerslam for two. Off to a sleeper which doesn’t last long.

Roode hooks a bad figure four (doesn’t even deserve to be capitalized) and Jarrett doesn’t really sell it for awhile. Roode tries it again with a Jarrett mimic in there but Jeff rolls him up for two. A double clothesline puts both guys down. Traci jumps up and down and I lose my train of thought. Jarrett wins a brief slugout and takes over with a low blow which isn’t a DQ for no apparent reason. Roode gets slammed off the top and now Jarrett hooks the Figure Four in what I guess you can call a Flair Double Shot.

Traci grabs the referee (lucky) while Roode taps. Jarrett is a good guy in this match so he lets go of the hold because he’s an idiot. Roode rips a buckle pad off but both guys block shots into the steel. Now Roode is going for the knee for some reason. Oh yeah that alleged figure four earlier. He wraps Jarrett’s leg around the post and brings in a chair. The referee tries to grab it which the referee releases to send it into Roode’s head in a HORRIBLE looking shot. Stroke gets two as Brooks saves, only to get her sent to the back.

The referee takes her to the back for some reason, allowing Roode to hit a handcuff shot to the head for a very delayed two. Roode brings in a guitar but the referee steals it. Stroke is attempted but Roode counters into a fisherman’s suplex attempt which is countered into a Figure Four attempt which is countered into a kick into the steel exposed earlier. That’s enough for the Payoff (fisherman’s) to end it.

Rating: B+. This show is DRILLING it tonight as we get our second awesome match of the night. The ending was full of some awesome back and forth counters and the ending actually played off something earlier in the match. That’s all you can ask for at times and we got a great match out of it. Good stuff again.

Roode sets for a guitar shot but gets caught in the Figure Four again. Traci bounces out to hit Jarrett with the guitar but Young comes in for the save, putting Traci in a Figure Four of his own.

Christian is having a victory party despite not wrestling for about two hours. He still has the NWA Title here. He says all of Team Cage is going to win tonight. Tomko isn’t here yet and Steiner, his partner later, isn’t happy. AJ says he’ll take care of Joe later.

Christopher Daniels vs. Rhyno

There’s no backstory here that I know of. Daniels was channeling Sting or something, complete with mask, and Rhyno is the next victim I believe. All Rhyno to start as he runs over Daniels with power move after power move. Daniels gets up top but jumps into a belly to belly but he avoids the Gore. The fans aren’t sure who they like best here. Daniels misses a baseball slide but Rhyno misses a pescado. Not often you see a horned man fly. Then again it’s not often that you see a horned man.

Daniels sends him into the post to take over even more as we enter the heel dominance portion of our selection this evening. It appears to be the shoulder that’s hurt, so Daniels sends it into the barricade. Daniels works on the arm a lot, which is so evil and satanic of him isn’t it? Rhyno grabs a backbreaker to finally get some relief for his shoulder. Powerslam gets two.

STO gets two for Daniels. Spinebuster gets the same for Rhyno. This isn’t quite as good as the rest of the matches on the show tonight if you couldn’t tell. Daniels grabs a Koji Clutch which is shifted into the smarter cross armbreaker. Rhyno manages to get to a rope before he started thinking of Del Rio and fell asleep. BME misses and Rhyno hits something like a TKO for two. Daniels hammers away on him but Rhyno snaps off a Gore, which the announcers call a shoulder for no apparent reason. It gets two due to a boot on the ropes. Daniels goes to the floor where he picks up a ball bat and whacks Rhyno with it for the pin.

Rating: C. Yeah not as good as the other stuff but still, pretty decent stuff here that could have been a solid TV match which is ok on a PPV I think. The arm work made sense because that was his Gore arm, but I’d have liked the ball bat shot to have been to the arm instead of the head, which looked ridiculous and sounded even worse. Still though, this was fine.

Just to further the eye rolling aspect of the ending, Rhyno is up about 100 seconds after being hit over the head with a baseball bat by a professional athlete. He says he’s going to take Daniels out and goes after him. After a brief chat with the announcers we see Daniels coming back down the ramp with blood covering his face. Rhyno follows a few seconds later with a chair and my goodness he must have hit him hard. There couldn’t be any other possibility like a razor blade or makeup right?

Rhyno sets for a Rhyno Driver onto two chairs but security finally comes in to break it up. Shame too because it would have been awesome looking. West wanted to see the Driver.

We recap VKM vs. Basham/Danaja. VKM wanted Christy Hemme to sleep with them to get ahead and she said no, which set off a fairly long feud, resulting in her bringing in a bunch of teams to face them. It would wind up being the Rock N Rave Infection but until them we’re stuck with the Bashams.

Kip says he’s on his own tonight and that’s cool.

Kip James vs. Basham/Damaja

Damaja starts and Kip fires away quickly, as is common in handicap matches. Fameasser misses and it’s off to Basham. The heels (I think) take over and beat Kip down as Basham hooks a cravate. Kip fights back but walks into a chokebomb (Brain Damage) and a top rope headbutt from Basham ends this.

Rating: D. I guess every show has to have one bad match. This was pretty much nothing as Road Dogg couldn’t be there. To be fair though, it’s not like the match they had the next month was any better at all. This was just a bad match and the walking definition of a popcorn break match. The best match on the show (allegedly) is up next though so I’m cool with that.

Kip gets beaten down again post match until Lance Hoyt finally gets there to make the save.

We recap Storm vs. Harris, which is due to Storm turning heel on Harris and breaking a beer bottle over his eye. The result is a Texas Death Match between a guy from Tennessee and a guy from Kentucky being held in Florida.

Harris says Storm only had to say he wanted to end the team but instead he tried to end Harris’ career with a beer bottle. This has been about revenge and payback. It’s been about revenge before but now it’s about payback.

Chris Harris vs. James Storm

This is a Texas Death Match, which is last man standing but you have to get a pin or submission before the ten count begins. Both guys are in street clothes. In a cool visual, Harris rips up an AMW shirt on his way to the ring. This feels like it’s going to be awesome which is a very good sign. They slug it out in the aisle and Harris has the trademark handcuffs.

They go into the crowd almost immediately and Storm is running away. They’re in the back row of the arena and Storm is almost thrown over the wall in the back. I wonder what’s back there. Maybe it’s where they keep Shark Boy? All Harris so far as they head to the ring. Storm throws a drink in Harris’ face to shift momentum but Storm gets thrown into a wall to changes things right back again.

Harris is in the ring alone and has a beer and a chair. Storm is still over the railing so Harris hits a HUGE dive over the railing to kill Storm dead and gets a pin. Storm is up at 8 though. Harris goes up again but Storm knocks him off and gets his leg tied up in the ropes so that he’s in a Tree of Woe but hanging outside the ropes. Storm cracks him with a chair to the head and Harris is busted.

It’s Table Time as Harris is placed on the top rope. He avoids a hurricanrana and counters a sunset flip (???) into a Sharpshooter of all things. Well it takes out the legs so that makes sense. He can’t get it on so he kicks Storm in the balls. He catapults Storm face first into the bottom of the table, cutting him open on the metal part. FREAKING OW MAN!!! Harris can’t suplex him through the table so Storm kicks him low to balance things out.

Storm hits the Eye of the Storm to put Harris through the table. That looked awesome and it gets an academic pin but only gets nine. Here’s another table brought in by the Cowboy. He falls down trying to get it in though, probably due to blood loss. The table is on the outside but Storm can’t hit another Eye over the top. Harris goes to the apron and gets caught in an Elevated DDT for no cover.

Storm brings in various basic hardcore weapons but as he’s getting in himself, Harris spears him through the ropes to put him through the table. Not exactly Foley vs. Edge but not bad. Back in, Harris picks up a chair and Storm superkicks it into his face for two. Storm is STUNNED. You can’t see Storm’s face. It’s literally a crimson mask. They trade HARD trashcan lid shots and Harris hits the Catatonic (spinning Rock Bottom) onto a trashcan for two.

Now the match gets taken down a peg because Jackie Freaking Moore has to get involved. WHY DOES SHE ALWAYS HAVE A JOB??? She isn’t attractive, she’s nothing special in the ring, she’s always getting in the way, and NO ONE FREAKING CARES ABOUT HER. And if you say you do, you’re lying. Gail Kim comes out and cuffs her so she can drag her out of here. Both guys have beer bottles and Harris gets a shot to the head of Storm for the pin and the ten count. Perfect way to end it.

Rating: A. GREAT brawl and war here which is exactly what they needed to do. Tenay and West freak out and say how great it is and for once this year, they’re right. This was a blood war and Storm’s face is absolutely scary given how much blood there was on it. Great match and absolutely worth seeing based on the level of violence here.

Sting yells at Daniels about how he doesn’t have this right. Daniels says he has it absolutely right and leaves. Sting yells about Angle and says he’ll win the title tonight.

We get a highlight package of the Death Match.

Jerry Lynn vs. Alex Shelly vs. Senshi vs. Tiger Mask IV

He’s just called Tiger Mask here so we’ll go with that. Two in the ring at a time and we start with Senshi vs. Lynn. It’s one fall to a finish also. Lynn tries a crucifix but Senshi rolls down the back and misses a foot stomp. Lynn hooks an inverted spinning Gory Special and then they hit the mat. Jerry grabs an armbar but Senshi gets into a cross armbreaker on the ropes.

Shelly tags himself in and works on Lynn’s arm to a big reaction. Lynn speeds things up again and takes over on Shelley’s arm. Here’s Tiger Mask and Shelly bails almost immediately. Senshi gets him instead and Tiger Mask takes over. Everybody keeps tagging themselves in so there’s almost no way to keep track of who is legal and what is going on. A standing moonsault gets two for Mask on Shelley.

Everything breaks down and I’m really not even going to try to keep track of it. Lynn’s cradle piledriver is broken up as is the Tiger suplex to Senshi. Lynn hits a sunset flip to something like a Tower of Doom minus the Tower aspect and most of the Doom aspect. Still though, it looked cool and got two. A TKO gets two on Mask and Shelly puts Lynn on the top rope. Senshi dives onto the corner and tries….something that looks like a brainbuster off the top Shelly makes a save. Shelly tries a top rope rana but gets countered into a sunset flip by Lynn for the three count.

Rating: C. It’s fun and flashy but it’s nothing I’m going to want to see again. This is far from what the first one earlier in the night was but they were trying. Also this is a great match to throw out there to give the fans a breather after the big bloodbath we saw with the AMW explosion. It’s not bad but it’s really not my style.

The Guns beat down Lynn post match until Backlund makes the save.

We recap the tag title match. Team 3D beat LAX for the belts and giving them more or less every tag title ever and their 20th title overall.

Tomko says he can’t go over strategy with Steiner because Steiner is nuts and Steiner has right to call him out because he has stuff to do.

Tag Titles: Team 3D vs. Scott Steiner/Tomko vs. LAX

So Tomko and Steiner don’t get along and are here….because I guess, and LAX are the guys Team 3D beat to get the titles. After almost a minute of arguing we get Homicide vs. Steiner to start us off. Power vs. speed obviously and Homicide can only run so long before he gets caught. Ray tags himself in and sneaks up on Steiner for a pretty awesome German release.

Homicide comes back in and hits half a dropkick to both Immortal members. He and Steiner team up to beat on Ray which is about as odd of a pairing as you’ll find this side of Alex Shelly and Abyss. Ray kicks Homicide’s head off and it’s off to D-Von vs. Tomko. D-Von powerslams him down and SuperMex comes in via the slingshot shoulder. A Thesz Press by D-Von gets the fans behind the champions.

And never mind as LAX double teams him right back down to take over again. Steiner comes in and drops the elbow and the push-ups. Ray breaks up the cover and does push-ups of his own in a funny bit. He and Homicide get into it as D-Von keeps getting beaten down, in this case by Hernandez. Henandez does that always cool backflip to the top rope and seemingly botches a top rope splash to D-Von for two. His leg kind of landed on D-Von’s head which has to freaking hurt.

In a smart move, Tomko breaks up the pin and pulls Hernandez, not D-Von, back to his corner so that Tomko can tag himself in and get a piece of the weakened D-Von. Man, when did Tomko get so smart? It doesn’t really work though as D-Von hits a tornado DDT to break the momentum. I see why Tomko rarely used logic. LAX comes in to stop the tag but D-Von rolls under then and tags Bubba in a nice move.

Ray throws Hernandez out and brings Homicide in. Go after the smaller guys I guess. That’s very bullyish of him. Everything breaks down as is customary in these matches. Steiner suplexes D-Von so Hernandez destroys Steiner with a backbreaker. Ray cleans house and What’s Up Homicide? The fans want tables but Hernandez dives over the top to take out D-Von. Steiner and Tomko beat up Homicide but Homicide rolls through a Doomsday Device for two. Tomko and Steiner get into it but beat up Bubba a bit. Double teaming fails though and a 3D from 3D beats Tomko.

Rating: C+. Pretty basic triple threat here but it worked well enough. The Dudleys needed a win to establish themselves (for some reason) so this did that well enough. The Steiner/Tomko issue will be made clear in a bit. Tomko I think would go on to team with AJ and hold the tag titles for about six months after this so he did well enough. Also they would be the TNA Tag Titles here before to long.

Tomko attacks Steiner post match until Rick Steiner comes out for the save. They would team together for like three PPVs in a row against the Dudleys.

Angle is in Sting’s freaky area. He says Sting goes to Wal-Mart before all of his matches to buy facepaint so he can look like Ronald McDonald. What kind of creepy McDonald’s does Angle frequent? Angle says kill the effects, because once you do that, it’s just like Sting: nothing special. He’s a wrestler but Sting is nothing but a cartoon character. When Kurt Angle is calling you a cartoon character, you must be pretty messed up.

We recap AJ vs. Joe. This is another byproduct of Angle vs. Cage, as if they needed a reason to run this match.

AJ Styles vs. Samoa Joe

They’re treating this like a brand new match for some reason. I mean they’re not saying they’ve never met before, but they’re acting like this is an unheard of pairing. They exchange early control and Joe hits an enziguri in the corner to rattle Styles. Both guys try to speed things up but AJ misses a charge and goes to the floor where Joe hits the suicide elbow to send AJ into the crowd.

AJ gets knocked into the barricade and complains of a bad arm/elbow. Since AJ is a heel here he’s playing possum and pokes Joe in the eye. Why did they think this guy needed Flair again? Out to the floor again and Joe tries the Ole Kick but AJ gets out of the way. Back inside and AJ hits his drop down into the dropkick spot. That always looks so smooth, probably due to his using it in every match.

Joe grabs an atomic drop but a boot misses and AJ spin kicks him down for two. A release German buys some time for the fat Samoan. They slug it out and speed it up but Joe hits an overhead belly to belly and senton backsplash for two. AJ pulls the front of Joe’s trunks down to ram him into the corner and OH MY GOODNESS MY EYES!!!! I….I think I saw thong. What did I do to AJ to deserve that? I rate his matches well enough!

Springboard forearm looks to give AJ the advantage but the backflip into the reverse DDT fails also. The second attempt works better but it’s only good for two. He can’t hit the Clash and walks into a Death Valley Driver for two. Joe gets sent to the floor and may have messed the knee up. Back inside Joe kicks him in the face but can’t charge at Styles in the corner. AJ loads up the Spiral Tap but Joe was playing some serious possum, which AJ had been doing lately. Styles looks terrified so Joe locks in the Clutch and suplexes him over with it for the pin.

Rating: B-. Definitely one of their weaker matches but still very decent stuff. AJ just doesn’t work as a heel. It’s like trying to fight the Easter Bunny: you can try all you want, but it’s not there at the end of the day. This was very back and forth but was more like Joe getting revenge than being in any danger, which isn’t really all that great. Still though, Joe vs. AJ is always worth taking a look at.

We recap the world title match. This really spun off from Team Cage vs. Team Angle at Lockdown where Christian is kind of ducking Angle but he’s finally getting a shot tonight. Sting is here because….well because he’s Sting and he’s always in the title picture. I think he had lost it to Abyss and Christian won it from him so this is officially Sting’s rematch. Oh ok Jarrett got the fall in Lethal Lockdown and gave the title shot he won to Sting. Christian is playing them against each other.

NWA World Title; Sting vs. Christian Cage vs. Kurt Angle

Christian comes in as champion as we’ve already covered. Angle has only been here for awhile so he hasn’t been champion yet, making this a potentially huge night. The fans aren’t sure who they like but Sting seems to be solidly in third place. Christian is sent to the floor for the big showdown. I think the Canadian is the only heel in this. Angle takes over on Sting but goes to the floor. Sting beats on Christian outside and the fans seem more behind Christian than anyone else.

Angle vs. Christian in the ring now. Kurt is sent shoulder first into the post and it’s back to Sting vs. the Canadian. Sting actually hits the big elbow drop after a gorilla press. I don’t think I ever remember seeing that. A Vader Bomb of all things gets two. Angle pops back up and pulls Sting to the floor for an Angle Slam (called a suplex by Tenay) on the ramp. So now it’s Christian vs. Angle as the revolving door style of this match continues.

Sting starts getting back up so Christian hammers him right back down. That’s not very nice and I think he should send him a polite handwritten note of apology. Christian slaps Angle resulting in the American hitting a bunch of Germans on the Canadian. He’s at eight so far. Somehow that only gets two for Angle. As if that wasn’t enough for the champion, Sting puts Christian on the top and Angle runs up for a German to make a Tower of Doom, sending Christian flying.

Angle Slam and Unprettier are both countered so Christian goes up. Sting throws Angle into the ropes to crotch the champ. Christian falls forward and Angle is put in front of him for a Stinger Splash. The Death Drop gets two on Angle as Christian pulls the referee out. Scorpion is countered into the ankle lock but Christian saves.

Scratch the saving part as they’re both put in an ankle lock at the same time. They counter out and Sting hits a Rock Bottom on Christian (that’s a new one) but there’s no referee. Another referee comes out and Sting rolls Christian up. Angle grabs Sting’s ankle though and it’s a pin/tap at the same time.

Rating: B-. Good main event but it ran less than eleven minutes which really hurts it. The ending of course got thrown out for a Dusty Finish because Angle winning the world title had to be done twice right? It set up the King of the Mountain match next month which was better than this but not by much. This desperately needed about five more minutes and it would have been far better.

Overall Rating: A-. I REALLY liked this show and it’s easily one of the best that TNA has ever done. There’s a great match in the Death Match and the only really bad match is the handicap which is understandable. Good stuff although a longer main event and the show not ending in a Dusty Finish would have raised it up even higher. I liked it a lot and it’s probably the top TNA show I can think of. Great show.

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Slammiversary 2007
Date: June 17, 2007
Location: Nashville Municipal Auditorium, Nashville, Tennessee
Attendance: 3,500
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Don West

Back to TNA again and in this case it’s the anniversary show. Since Eric and Hulk aren’t around yet, we have the then signature TNA match in the form of the King of the Mountain. This is for the vacant title because the NWA left and therefore we’re needing a first official TNA World Champion. Chris Harris is in the main event because…..I don’t think anyone knows the answer to that actually. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is a of some shots of old wrestling and then the original TNA logo. We cut to some country/bluegrass style music set to clips of the old TNA stuff. Jarrett beating up Hogan is in there. Hogan never came to TNA until 2010, officially at least. Now we’re looking at someone that looks like Tiger Woods putting a golf ball as West and Tenay do commentary. Jeff Jarrett hits him with a guitar and keeps the ball from going in. Ok then.

Some band performs the theme song for the PPV. Fast forward time.

LAX vs. Rhyno/Senshi

LAX had dominated the company in 07 and this is Senshi (Kaval) and Rhyno’s first time teaming together. The camera seems a bit lower than usual. Maybe it’s a venue thing. Hector Guerrero is with Senshi/Rhyno because Konnan has been blaming him for LAX losing the tag belts. Rhyno and Homicide start us off and a powerbomb is messed up, sending Homicide to the floor I think by mistake.

Off to Senshi who steps onto the bottom rope to get in. Hernandez comes in and Senshi manages to get out of the way to preserve his life. He goes after SuperMex’s leg which doesn’t really do much at all. LAX can’t get anything going here and never mind that as Hernandez picks Senshi up and LAUNCHES him across the ring. I mean that man was airborne. It looked incredible.

Back to Homicide as LAX takes over and beats on Senshi. Rhyno hasn’t really done much so far but I guess they’re saving him for the big hot tag at the end. To be fair he’s good at the big explosive comebacks so I can live with that one. Hernandez throws Senshi around again but a powerbomb is countered and Senshi manages to hit the double stomp to set up the aforementioned hot tag. Rhyno throws everyone around and Hernandez goes to the floor. Senshi hits a HUGE dive to take him out but Homicide hits a cutter on Rhyno. Konnan and Hector get involved, allowing Rhyno to gore Homicide for the pin.

Rating: B-. Fun opener here and the high spots were VERY high. That’s how you open a show as the crowd is now really fired up and it’s due to the proper pacing of a tag match. On top of that, they kept it relatively short (8 minutes or so) which is the idea for an opener. Good stuff here and I liked it quite a bit.

Scott Steiner is legit injured and had to legit have his life saved in Puerto Rico so he might not be here.

We run down the card because that’s what TNA does on its PPVs.

There’s a mystery person in King of the Mountain, which I’ve already spoiled.

Video explaining King of the Mountain. We even recap the qualifying matches to fill in even more time.

Eric Young is all paranoid about getting fired. Traci Brooks, Roode’s associate, comes up to try and seduce him which would eventually work, making him sign with Roode. Gail Kim comes in and snaps him out of it by kissing him.

X-Division Title: Chris Sabin vs. Jay Lethal

Sabin has been champion for like five months at this point. Nash comes out for commentary because he’s molded Lethal into Black Machismo recently. Nash’s headset goes out almost immediately after the bell rings and the fans are split. Lethal gets a pretty sweet headscissors to send him to the floor, followed by an ok suicide dive. Sabin spits in Lethal’s face and hits a jumping knee to the face to take over.

Sabin fires off something like a Garvin Stomp but does it fast enough that I don’t have to think of Garvin. The announcers are talking about Nash beating Backlund in MSG. How exactly can you analyze a match that lasted 8 seconds? We go into a standard match formula with Sabin beating Lethal down until we get to the Lethal comeback and then go to the finish.

I’m not sure what it means when you can more or less call the formula for a match about halfway through it, but I don’t think it’s anything good. Lethal makes that comeback with a few hip tosses and a spinning cross body for two. Nash: “This place used to be called Jonesville. Then I got here.” Lethal hits a unique move which can only be described as a reverse fisherman’s suplex into a reverse powerbomb. Looked good but too complicated at the same time.

Sabin takes over with some rapid fire kicks which is what he would get more famous as soon enough in the Motor City Machine Guns. Lethal grabs a full nelson but can’t hit the Lethal Combination. The second time works a bit better and the big elbow gives Lethal his first of I believe six X-Titles.

Rating: C. Just ok here and nothing all that great. Lethal wasn’t exactly over yet and he wouldn’t be for a long time. At this point he was just a goofy 22 year old who did nothing but imitated a much better guy. Nothing to see here but for a big show they needed a title change so that’s all fine and good.

At the Slammiversary press conference, we set up the football players match. Yeah there are former Tennessee Titans wrestling tonight. Oh joy.

Storm is with Lauren (GORGEOUS) and rants about Wycheck some more.

Frank Wycheck/Jerry Lynn vs. James Storm/Ron Killings

Why is this happening? Oh because Wycheck was at the first shows. Ok then. Truth and Lynn start us off which is probably the best thing they can do. Off to Wycheck for the showdown with Storm….and Storm knocks him down on the first shot. Storm puts on a Titans helmet and dances around a bit and then knocks Wycheck down again.

Frank takes over and throws Lynn over the top onto the heels and the fans think this is good stuff. I guess the TNA stupidity follows them around. Wycheck misses a shot and is in trouble again. He had to retire due to concussions so the heels go for his head. A chair is brought in but the distraction is enough to get the tag to Lynn. Eye of the Storm takes care of him and Storm spits beer in the face of the other football player at ringside.

Truth comes in and doesn’t do as well so it’s a double tag again. Wycheck beats up both heels with celebrity stuff but Storm kicks his head off to cheers. The other football player makes the save and gets in a fight with Jackie. Everything breaks down and Storm has to take the cradle piledriver from Wycheck. Dang I hope he got a nice big bonus for that one.

Rating: D. I hate celebrity matches. I have no connection to Frank Wycheck and the only reason he’s there was he was a big football player in Tennessee. I love the NFL, but this doesn’t mean anything to me and we have to get a bad match that looks like Storm isn’t talented enough to beat a guy with zero experience. I hate these things.

We recap Backlund vs. Shelley. Shelley was one of Nash’s students and Backlund was crazy about Nash beating him back in 94. Shelley said that he could beat Backlund in 9 seconds and there was something about a book being stolen or something like that.

Bob Backlund vs. Alex Shelley

Backlund is one of those cases where I have no idea what they were thinking when they brought him in. We hear the stories of Backlund not signing autographs unless you can recite all of the presidents in order. Backlund takes him down with ease and the fans are mostly on Shelley’s side. They slug it out a bit and Backlund takes him into a short armed scissors. Backlund uses the British Bulldog/Shawn Michaels counter (which should be called the Backlund counter but whatever).

Backlund hits a gorgeous butterfly suplex and then an atomic drop which used to be Backlund’s finisher. Sabin runs in to trip him up but gets crotched on the top. Shelley gets dropped into Sabin’s balls and a bridging O’Connor Roll beats Shelley clean. Yes, Bob Backlund just destroyed the Motor City Machineguns by himself in less than four minutes.

Rating: C-. The match was fine but this is a great example of “what were they thinking”. I mean don’t get me wrong, Backlund is a legend, but this is the year 2007. Who are they really appealing to with him? This one isn’t about me being mad about him being there, but more of genuine confusion. I don’t get this one at all.

The Guns try to double team him but they both get put in the Crossface Chickenwing. Nash comes out to break it up and Jerry Lynn comes out to even the odds. Nash kicks Lynn down and the Guns beat up Backlund. Now Jay Lethal comes down and beats up the Guns as well. I have NO IDEA what just happened.

Christopher Daniels starts calling out Sting and the lights go out. He’s the Fallen Angel at the moment and is facing Sting tonight. Daniels talks about being here to do the Father’s work and how he’s an angel. Again, I have no idea what they’re talking about here and I don’t think they know either.

We recap Christy Hemme vs. the Voodoo Kin Mafia (New Age Outlaws). They basically said you have to sleep your way to the top so she brought in a bunch of teams to face them and I think this is the final one with her bringing in the Bashams. There was a big brawl backstage and Road Dogg gave a big angry promo about it.

Voodoo Kin Mafia vs. Damaja/Basham

At least we can look at Christy’s hottness. Big brawl to start and no one is really all that interested. Christy is chased into the ring and oh hey there’s the bell. Basham (Danny) vs. Road Dogg to start us off. Roadie gets beaten down and it’s off to Kip. He gets double teamed as well as the Bashams set for a double suplex. Roadie spears one of them and Billy gets a small package to Basham for the pin. This was NOTHING, not even lasting three minutes.

Billy chases Christy up the ramp but VKM associate Lance Hoyt picks her off. And then Hoyt beats up the VKM. Jimmy Rave would be added to form the Rock N Rave Infection which would only result in more tiny outfits for Christy and nothing else to note. This should have been on Impact. Oh and Christy kisses Hoyt after the Bashams help for a 3-2 beatdown.

Rick Steiner is mad about not having a match tonight but he has a partner. He whispers it in Cornette’s ear and Jim is very happy, saying the match is on.

LAX beats up Hector Guerrero.

We recap Roode vs. Young which is STILL going on. Jeff Jarrett made a one off return to help Eric and won Young’s freedom which didn’t count. The match is for Eric’s freedom of course but if Eric loses he’s fired, which was what Eric was terrified of at this point.

Robert Roode vs. Eric Young

Roode slaps Young in the head a bit and it fires Young up, making him shout HIT ME AGAIN. Young sends him to the floor and hits a huge dive off the top to take Roode out. Roode takes over quickly and we make jokes about Brooke. There’s the Hennig neck snap and Roode is in total control. Time for a chinlock and I remember why I hated this heel run by Roode.

Eric counters into an electric chair drop and both guys are down. Discus lariat gets two for Eric. Young is sent to the floor so he pulls Brooks’ pants down after dancing with her. Top rope elbow gets two for Eric. Brooks comes in and there’s a double Death Valley Driver which gets two on Roode. You know, because a big and impressive spot like that shouldn’t end a match. And then Roode whacks Eric in the head with a chair for the pin. Seriously that’s it.

Rating: C-. The ending KILLS that match. Young was rather popular at this point and having him lose after a big spot like that is really pretty stupid. Roode was SO freaking boring as a heel and he never really changed anything about his character, which somehow made him even more boring. Decent match until the ending, but that kills it.

It’s a Dusty Finish though. Roode fires Eric but here’s Cornette to say hang on a second. The match is restarted and Roode hits him in the head multiple times. Gail runs out and beats down Brooks. The distraction leads to a rollup pin for Eric.

Team 3D doesn’t care who Steiner’s partner is. They think Scott’s throat problem is because he talked about the Dudleys too much and he’s hiding. D-Von’s head looks like it’s made of old shoe leather.

Tag Titles: Team 3D vs. Rick Steiner/???

And the mystery partner is….Road Warrior Animal. Yeah that’s it. The fans chanting it before he came out kind of hurt the shock a bit. Rick puts on his head gear post bell and it makes a huge difference. Rick vs. D-Von to start us off. I don’t think Scott is in the hospital. I think it’s more like he and Animal cooked him and had him for a late night snack. It would explain those guts on them.

Animal offers to come in and Rick waves him off. Nice partner dude. Oh ok there he is and Ray gets in his face. A piledriver is no sold and we have gimmick infringement from Hawk. I guess since he’s dead it’s ok. Back to Rick and they mistime something, as I think Ray was supposed to hit Rick as he hit the ropes but Rick stopped with zero contact at all. Off to Bubba legally and a neckbreaker gets two.

D-Von misses a middle rope headbutt and there’s the tag to Animal. Something I never get: why can a team that has never teamed together before like Steiner and Animal get a tag title match? There isn’t another team that can challenge the Dudleys? Animal cleans house and it’s back to Rick as everything breaks down. The challengers try to load up the Doomsday Device but Animal gets caught in the double neckbreaker and the 3D ends Rick.

Rating: D. These “dream” matches usually suck because by the time you get teams big enough to have a dream match, they’re old. To be fair though, there was almost no way Animal, who barely wrestled anymore, was going to be able to come out there and have a decent match. Scott may be old and slow but he’s active at least. Bad match, but understandably bad.

We recap Daniels vs. Sting. Sting mentored him which I don’t even remember and Daniels snapped because of it. I remember being excited for this match but thinking the match sucked. I wonder if it’ll still be the case. Wait….that might have been Sting vs. Storm. I think it was actually.

Christopher Daniels vs. Sting

Sting repels from the ceiling for no apparent reason. It looked cool though. Sting takes over to start and speeds things up, which you would think would favor Daniels. He hooks the Deathlock very quickly but Daniels grabs a fast rope. Daniels takes over and has a stupid Mike Tyson style tattoo (paint) around his eye. Sting fights back but neither guy can get a hip toss.

We go old school with an abdominal stretch which doesn’t count for some reason. Daniels and Hebner get into it a bit and then he snaps off a Stinger Splash. This of course fires up the Stinger and Daniels is in trouble. Faceplant gets two. Two Stinger Splashes are broken up and the Last Rites (Cross Rhodes) is countered into the Death Drop for the pin.

Rating: D+. Yeah it was this match that I found boring and lackluster. There was nothing here at all and Sting just beat him up like he was any other guy. Daniels had been built up as the guy that could take down Sting and Sting destroyed him here. I don’t get the point of this one and it didn’t work at all.

We recap Abyss vs. Tomko. This was another part of Abyss vs. Christian’s Coalition. Abyss had taken a huge beatdown from the whole team and Tomko is the first victim for him.

Christian’s Coalition says Christian will win the title tonight. AJ protests because he’s in there too. Christian says AJ will sacrifice himself so Christian can win the title and Styles isn’t sure what to think of that but he goes along with it because he’s an idiot at this point.

Tomko vs. Abyss

This is No DQ. Slugout to start is won by Abyss and they head to the floor. Tomko takes over with the violent tendencies, ramming Abyss into the steps to take over. Back in a bit boot puts Tomko down and TOTALLY misses an Umaga charge in the corner. Tomko sold it anyway because he’s not that talented. Chokeslam gets two. Here are the tacks but Tomko reverses and powerbombs Abyss onto them for two.

Abyss’ arm is busted open so he fires a shot to Tomko and hits the floor to get another bag. This time it’s glass but again he takes too long and Tomko gets a big jagged piece and drives it into Abyss’ head. In a SICK spot, Abyss is kneeling over the glass so Tomko practically curb stomps him into it. FREAKING OW MAN!!! They head to the floor again and Tomko finds a barbed wire ball bat which goes into the ribs and back of Abyss.

They go to the entrance and begin to climb. This isn’t going to end well. Tomko is up top with the bat but Abyss grabs the bat and pulls Tomko down to a big box sort of thing which falls apart. Tomko being up a few seconds later completely ruins the spot. I mean he’s up maybe 8 seconds later. Abyss is down even longer than Tomko was after that flip. Are you kidding me? Back in the ring, Tomko tries to pick Abyss up but walks into the Black Hole Slam onto the glass for the pin. That was pretty anti-climactic.

Rating: B-. This was about violence and on that note it worked, but the big spot of the match completely bombed. Like I said, having him pop up so fast just killed it. Not a great match or anything here but it was fun for the most part and that’s really all they could have hoped for out of this one.

Angle and Joe stare it down in the back. Angle says let’s go have a great match and beat each other up badly. Joe shakes his hand but says tonight it’s real.

Mike Tenay is in the ring for some reason. He shows us an interview with Jeff Jarrett. His wife Jill had legitimately died recently and he wasn’t sure if he was going to keep wrestling. He talks about the history of the company, including stuff like Toby Keith and beating up Hulk Hogan. He talks about founding the company and his wife agreeing that it was ok. Then he gets to the heavy stuff, talking about his wife passing away less than a month ago. Jarrett is in tears almost the entire time while he’s saying this. Being in the ring is the worst place he can be right now though, so his future is unknown.

The fans aren’t sure if they should chant for Jill or Jeff.

Cornette announces the last guy in the match will be Chris Harris.

TNA World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Samoa Joe vs. AJ Styles vs. Christian Cage vs. Chris Harris

This is King of the Mountain and the title is vacant. Ok so King of the Mountain is TNA’s signature match, or at least it was before Hogan and Bischoff took over. There are five guys and there is a place to hang the belt above the ring. In essence, it’s a reverse ladder match because you have to hang the belt above the ring. Before you’re allowed to do that though, you have to qualify by pinning someone else. When someone is pinned that person has to go to the penalty box for two minutes. Got all that?

Joe goes right after Angle. Cornette is holding the belt. This is kind of a mess at first which makes it really hard to call. Cage and Styles beat up Harris and then Styles lays down for Cage. Angle makes the save but Joe wants to hurt him some more. Styles takes Harris down again and wants Christian to lay down. Christian says no so Styles rolls him up for two. The camera is all over the place, making it really hard to keep up with.

Joe and Christian are in the ring now and down goes the Canadian. Off to Harris but the Cataonic and Unprettier both miss. A full nelson slam puts Christian down but Styles breaks it up. He gets caught in the Catatonic for a fast pin by Harris, making him eligible. The clock for AJ is at 1:30 by the time he gets in the cage. Harris and Cage fight on the floor so Joe throws a ladder at them.

Back to Angle vs. Joe with the fat boy taking over. Angle grabs a boot though and here are the Rolling Germans. Christian comes in and is in an ankle lock/Koquina Clutch combo. Styles gets out just in time for the save. Cage puts a ladder between the ring and barricade like a bridge. Christian falls down onto it due to a right hand by Harris to crotch him. On top of that he’s stuck there.

In the ring, AJ hits the Pele and springboard forearm to put Joe outside. Styles Clash to Angle is countered into the ankle lock but AJ breaks it, sending Kurt to the floor. AJ gets launched onto Christian onto the ladder. Harris goes up another ladder but Angle Slams him off for a pin to become eligible. Joe THINKS and throws the ladder to the floor. He beats up everyone in sight, hitting a MuscleBuster on AJ for two.

We get a ref bump in a gimmick match. Angle gets put in the choke and he taps, but there’s no referee. Christian hits Joe with a ladder and steals the pin on Kurt. Man there are some smart people in this company. The referee can’t let Harris out even though his time is up. Oh there’s another referee so it doesn’t matter. Joe stops Christian from hanging the belt and hits a huge cutter off the ladder onto the belt.

Harris goes up with the belt and people start booing. A belt shot stops Joe and he hiptosses Christian off, but Styles hits a springboard dropkick to break it up. Angle is out of the box. AJ and Joe climb on top of the box for no apparent reason. AJ kicks Joe low but Joe launches AJ off the top and through the announce table. Harris knocks Joe off the top and Christian is tossed back into the ring after climbing up as well. Harris hits a huge clothesline to kill Angle.

Everyone is down so Harris goes Terry Funk and spins around with the ladder over his head. He goes up AGAIN but Christian knocks him over and into the buckle. Christian goes up but Kurt grabs the ankle lock while the Canadian is still up there. No tap though and they fight on the ladder. Harris spears Christian off and Angle hangs the belt to become champion. How bad is it that I don’t remember him pinning anyone? I had to go back and find where he pinned Harris.

Rating: B. Good match here as the King of the Mountain was its usual insane but fun self. This is TNA’s signature match and almost as usual it gets to be a fun match. Angle winning the title and becoming the first champion is probably the right move. They waited WAY too long on pulling the trigger on Joe, but that’s TNA for you. Good main event though.

Overall Rating: C-. This is a really hard one to grade. There’s some good stuff on there for sure and the last two matches are both fun, but MY GOODNESS is this a chore to sit through. The core of this show is just exhausting and it feels like it’s never going to end. Not a horrible show at all but I’d have a remote in hand to fast forward about 60% of it, which isn’t a good thing at all.

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Survivor Series 2007
Date: November 18, 2007
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 12,000
Commentators: Tazz, JBL, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Joey Styles

With another year comes not a lot of change. Orton is world champion here having taken out HHH for the belt at No Mercy in their first last man standing match. Tonight he takes on HBK in another of his random filler feuds before Cena gets back from injury. The Game is the other major player on Raw (shocking isn’t it?) as he’s feuding with Umaga for your Survivor Series match of the night.

Over on Smackdown, we only have one big match, but it’s a major one as Taker is challenging Batista for the world title in a Hell in a Cell match. If nothing else they’re keeping it big. Oh and one other thing: Hornswoggle is Vince’s son now.

Yes, that painfully stupid and bad storyline has finally begun as he’s already dropped the Cruiserweight Title because Vince doesn’t like small wrestlers. Finally, we have my boy Punk defending his ECW Title against the newly crowned tag team champions of Miz and Morrison. That should be good. Let’s get it started.

Hey, take a wild guess as to what the opening video is about. If you guessed Survival, you’re of about average intelligence as the show is called Survivor Series. If you guessed that it sucked, then you’ve been paying attention to my reviews. Yep, this is nothing of note. We’re starting with the ECW Title match, so the first two voices that we hear are Joey and Tazz. Surprisingly we don’t hear their colleagues yet, which is odd indeed.

ECW Title: CM Punk vs. John Morrison vs. The Miz

Punk took the belt off of Morrison and Miz said he wanted it. That’s about all I’ve got for you here as far as a backstory since ECW back then was even less developed than it is now if you can believe that. Oh yeah. And they were thrown together on Smackdown (literally) and given a tag title shot because two guys that are thrown together that hate each other are light years ahead of all the other great tag teams on Smackdown right?

See what kind of shape the division was in around this time? Somehow this wasn’t even the worst it would be. However, these two would be pretty much the best team in a good long while and will likely be that for a good long while. Also, around this time there was a big thing about how Miz couldn’t wrestle. A buddy of mine and I said just give him time. I’m writing this in mid-October, two days after being completely blown away by a segment these two did at a Smackdown taping I was at.

Now as of this writing, it hasn’t made air in America yet. I’ll be most interested in seeing how many people are saying how awesome he is after that. Styles goes through all of the combinations that could result in Punk losing his title which is somewhere between interesting and filler. You might think that this is a handicap match, but it really isn’t. These two don’t get along yet and while they’ll double team for awhile, it’s usually very short indeed.

I’ve always loved that suicide dive that Punk does. He does the WHAT’S MY NAME thing that worked so well in ROH but never caught on in WWE. To be fair though, the crowd starts a big CM Punk chant. My goodness this guy was over. After beating on Punk as a team for awhile, Miz and Morrison break up again, maybe over one of them not doing the dishes or something. Good night Morrison does some amazing stuff out there.

He still does the same kind of stuff today but dang this was impressive stuff back then too. We get a glimpse of Miz vs. Morrison her but it’s nothing really that special. Punk hits a backbreaker that used to be called Welcome to Chicago M’Fer which has been changed for obvious reasons. Following some miscommunication from the new tag team, Punk hits the GTS on Miz for the pin.

Rating: B-. It got the crowd going a bit, but at the same time there was never any real drama in this at all. That’s fine though, as I don’t think there was really supposed to be. Sometimes you need to just have a match to get some ring time for the champion and have a decent match out of it. It makes the champion look stronger and saves the showdown for later on. This was just fine.

We get a recap of MVP hurting Matt’s leg and putting him out of the Survivor Series match later tonight. MVP had a big C on his outfit back then. He was CMVP. Oh that’s just awesome. Anyway, now we go to the back where some interviewer that I don’t recognize is talking to him. He’s REALLY bad on promos at this point.

Face Divas vs. Heel Divas

Faces: Mickie, Maria, Torrie, Michelle, Kelly
Heels: Beth, Jillian, Melina, Layla, Victoria

This is your token Diva match of the night. Torrie has what is now Tiffany’s music. Basically, around this time the only face Diva that can wrestle at all is Mickie. There’s no story here at all as this could just as easily have been on Raw. Thankfully this isn’t elimination style. We start with the almost too hot Victoria against Michelle. Ok, the Divas yelling at each other is REALLY annoying. Kelly is in essence in a swimsuit with sleeves.

To show the brilliance on display here, Torrie has Victoria down and leaves her there to run across the ring and get a tag. That’s tag wrestling 101 there and she can’t get that right. Even trying to pull Victoria back to Torrie’s corner would have worked. Whatever let’s just get this over with. Jillian is in now and for some reason rubs Kelly’s face in her chest. Wow. Anyway, we get the obligatory handspring elbow, which is the most impressive athletic maneuver there is.

It’s so impressive that nearly every Diva does it. Dang will you STOP WITH THE FREAKING SCREAMS? CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW FREAKING ANNOYING IT WOULD BE TO HAVE SOMEONE THAT SCREAMED EVERY TIME THEY OPENED THEIR FREAKING MOUTH? IT WOULD BE SO FREAKING….never mind. JR actually makes a bit of a comparison of Kelly and the Great Muta. I’m at a lost for keystrokes. All of the heels are wearing some form of red. Is that some messed up team unity thing?

Mickie comes in and attempts to save this match. Mickie hits the sexiest move in wrestling history, The Long Kiss Goodnight, to get the win. It was a move where she grabbed the other girl’s hair and actually bent her back and kissed her before kicking her in the face. Why do I have a feeling that’s Norcal’s dream date? Oh and Michelle fell out during the match. Nothing special.

Rating: D. That’s half of what this match was all about. The other letter is also D. Yep, this was all about looks here. If you don’t believe me, look at Kelly and Maria’s outfits. They’re just there for looks and nothing more. This was just bad and showed how awful the majority of the women were at the time. At least it was short and the girls looked good.

Orton says he’ll win.

Shawn says he’ll win. Well I’m glad they’re in agreement that he’ll win. Shawn looks stoned here and actually swears. That’s surprising.

Raw Tag Titles: Cade and Murdoch vs. Holly and Rhodes

Please…make it short. This was the token title feud of the month as the faces were thrown together over respect or something and instantly were number one contenders. The problem with the tag title picture was simple: Miz and Morrison were thrown together and won the tag belts. Holly and Rhodes were thrown together and won the tag belts. Do I need to explain why this was such a complete and utter failure for so long?

The reunification has helped a good bit lately, but they’re still in desperate need of help. With a roster as big as they have, it really wouldn’t be hard to get a few teams together and put some stories out there. Think of all the guys on the roster that never do anything but could have decent matches. The stuff is there, trust me.

Could Cade be any more generic? Hey! Buy Armageddon so we can validate our completely stupid PPV schedule. Holly and Rhodes won a triple threat vs. Londrick and the Highlanders to get here on Heat of all places. DAng it’s weird to see Rhodes as such a rookie like this. Rhodes and Cade start us off. Rhodes has bulked up a bit since this.

Rhodes literally slaps Murdoch on the back. That sounded sick too. Holly in now who takes down Murdoch. Holly does his low kick that isn’t really low but really looks like it is while the other guy is on the ropes. The champions are in trouble here. Double teaming gets the advantage back to the rednecks.

Cade takes Holly down to prevent he tag as this is just DRAGGING. There’s no reason for this to be on PPV but it is anyway because that’s how tag wrestling in this company works. There’s your heel miscommunication so that Rhodes can come in. And then that doesn’t work as he hits a missile dropkick for two and walks into Melina’s finisher (the sunset bomb thing) from Murdoch to retain.

Rating: D. This was just bad. Just like the match before it, there was no need to have it on PPV. Neither team stands out at all and there’s just nothing special about it. It’s not any good at all so there’s no way to say it’s anything but bad by default. Horrible match and everything that’s wrong with tag wrestling in this era. Holly and Rhodes would get the titles a few weeks later.

Team HHH says that they’re going to do some terrible things to the other team. In a very funny bit, Kane and Jeff mention all the things that HHH has done to them over the years. That’s just amusing. Jeff is taller than I thought he was.

After a too short to tell what’s going on recap of the Survivor Series match, we’re ready to go.

Team HHH vs. Team Umaga

HHH, Kane, Jeff Hardy, Rey Mysterio
Umaga, Big Daddy V, Kennedy, Finlay, MVP

Matt is injured remember, so it’s starting as a handicap match.

I love the way Justin Roberts talks. In what cracked me up, Kennedy comes out to do his standard intro and the mic doesn’t work. About halfway through it kicks on mid word. That’s just hilarious. Big Daddy V is in desperate need of a shirt. MVP needs to bring back the counting part of his music. It’s so much better that way. Let’s see: the most successful heel here is….MVP I guess? Maybe Umaga?

On the other side, we have four former/future world champions. Oh yeah this is going to be a great contest here. Kane’s pyro is some of the loudest stuff you will ever hear in your life. It’s insanely loud. Rey’s song really is catchy when it’s all you’re hearing in the arena. Jeff has his old music here. The start of his singles run would be in less than two months as he would fight Orton for the title at the Rumble. He’s IC Champion here.

Oh yeah the feuds. HHH vs. Umaga, Kane vs. BDV, Jeff vs. no one in particular, Rey vs. Finlay, Matt vs. MVP so I guess Jeff gets Kennedy and MVP by default. We’re now at ten minutes of entrances. We start off with Kennedy and Rey, so an overrated guy that’s good but nowhere near as good as he is made out to be vs. Kennedy. This is pretty decent stuff here as Kennedy for once gets to show what he can do, which isn’t bad.

He’s not the next Austin but he’s not bad at all. Rey does in essence the same move that Murdoch won with earlier, using that pesky thing known as the right way. JR says that Hardy has D. Wade like hang time. That just doesn’t sound right at all. BDV comes in to beat on Hardy for awhile since we need jobbers out there for awhile.

We move on to Kane vs. BDV which was a feud at the moment, so look for a big pinfall here. Kane hits the big clothesline from the top to put him down for a bit as this is really just no sell theater.

Following a little interference from Finlay the Samoan Drop ends the Big Red Machine to make it 5-3. Again, Kane jobs. Some things never change. The facebuster from HHH simply couldn’t miss more than it does here. We get HHH vs. Umaga here, which I guess was supposed to be a big deal? It’s just coming off as weak to me, but whatever.

After HHH (which I accidentally spelled as HGH for a bit there in a funny moment) gets beaten down, Rey comes in and after making Umaga look ridiculously bad, goes out to the Spike, leaving us with 5-2. I can smell the comeback coming from a mile away. We start this part with Jeff vs. Kennedy, which would have been an interesting feud had various things not happened. After a missed Drive By, Jeff gets a quick Twist of Fate to make it 4-2.

Kennedy is taken out after something that looks like it came out of a Three Stooges short with all of the blunders by the heels. HHH gets the pin. We move on to Viscera vs. HHH since I guess the fat man had to get something done that night. A double DDT takes him out to get us to 2-2 and you can see the ending coming from here. In probably the biggest thing of his career, Finlay beats on HHH for awhile before the tag to Hardy brings the crowd back a bit.

Once the terrible twosome were all that was left, this match started going downhill fast. This needs to end, like now. After a lot of token offense from Finlay, HHH comes in and takes care of Finlay. Cole tries to build Finlay as an equal to HHH. That’s just amusing. About 44 seconds later, the Pedigree leads to the Swanton which leads to the end of this way too long match. The face team of the gods celebrate for awhile before we’re done.

Rating: C-. This is a tale of two grades here. Before we got down to the final two faces, this was pretty good. After that, the whole thing just fell apart because there was zero chance that the faces weren’t both going to survive. Kane and Rey were just filler out there and everyone knew it. The first part is good, the second part is just bland. It got Jeff over though, which was the main goal of the whole thing.

Vince tells Horny not to die. That’s just funny.

Hornswoggle vs. Great Khali

You know the story so let’s get this over with. Vince and Shane are with Horny here. When I grow up, I want to be one of Runjin Singh’s sideburns. They do the rule thing just to add more hijinks to this. The fans chant We Want Shaq. Ok then. Oh yeah this is Miami when Shaq was on the Heat. That makes sense now. Oh and Shaq is in the front row. See what happens when I pay attention? Vince grabs a mic and says he doesn’t care what the fans want.

At least he’s honest. Horny runs once Khali screams at him. For some reason he spits mist at Singh who doesn’t do anything but stand there with a what the heck look on his face. Well thanks for that buddy. The club that Horny grabs is knocked away and then Khali smacks him. This needs to end like now.

The joke is over and has been for a long time. Just as I say that, Finlay runs out and hits Khali with the club to make the save for the DQ. The fact that Finlay would be revealed as the real father was about as obvious as possible at this point.

Rating: N/A. It was a joke, not a match.

We hit the recap button on HBK vs. Orton. This is pretty simple. Orton was on a punting spree and one of his first targets was Michaels. The night after Orton beat HHH at No Mercy there was this big ceremony for him which ended in Shawn returning in what was a cool moment. They had a match at Cyber Sunday where Orton got himself disqualified. That led to this, where Shawn can’t use the superkick and Orton can lose the belt via DQ. That’s about it.

Raw World Title: Randy Orton vs. Shawn Michaels

Lillian looks great with her hair pulled back. Ross takes a small shot at FOX News, so at least some things never change. Orton hasn’t started hearing voices yet. Oh and the belt still spins. This is Shawn’s second PPV in 5 months. Shocking isn’t it that he more or less took the summer off after Mania. He would never do anything like that again would he? Dang that spinning belt looks like crap. It’s scary that today the belt looks about 100x better.

We get the old school ceremony of the referee checking the boots and pads etc. I love the little things like that because they can enhance a match so much. Shawn starts off with a lockup known as a Crevate. Now most of you have likely never heard of that. It’s a European style headlock but not quite. More or less you look like you’re setting for a snapmare but you grip like it’s a headlock. It’s really a cool idea and there’s a lot of stuff you can go with from that position.

Chris Hero is well known for using a ton of varieties of things like it. They go to a LONG headlock/front chancery sequence that has the crowd on the edge of unconsciousness. Finally we hit the floor for a bit where Shawn hits a picture perfect Asai Moonsault to knock Orton down. The commentators try to argue that Shawn is using a different style here because he’s not allowed to use the kick. That makes ZERO sense.

Think about it. Shawn’s finishing move is a kick to the head. What kind of setup does that require? All it takes is one second and some accuracy and he’ll knock you out. It’s not a wear down move like a figure four where going for it immediately makes no sense. It’s a move that can be hit from nowhere. Think of the Iron Man match.

He hit back to back kicks from nowhere to win his first world title. Here’s your “it’s Survivor Series so Shawn has to reference Montreal with a Sharpshooter” Sharpshooter. This has been all Shawn so far. Say it with me: as I type that Orton takes over.

Orton is very boring. That’s all there is to it. However, since he looks like a statue and can cut decent promos, Vince decides to keep putting him in big matches with this ridiculous Viper gimmick which more or less consists of him sliding around the ring before the RKO. It’s an excuse for not having to come up with something creative. Orton vs. Cena and HHH is about as boring of a pair of feuds as you’re ever going to find.

JR then has the nerve to say that this is a pure wrestling match. No Jim, it’s really not. This is a match that has an extra gimmick added to it because no one in their right mind believed that HBK would lose to Orton without it. Orton is just flat out awful in this gimmick of his and something needs to be changed, fast. Naturally, that means that Orton will be the same guy going into Mania 30. Oh look it’s a chinlock. What is the appeal of this?

To be fair, Orton is a bit better now, but around this time he was just flat out boring. Now he’s just mostly boring. Ok, for the love of goodness, WE GET THAT ORTON’S DAD IS IN THE HALL OF FAME! He was a horrible character and did nothing of note, ever. He’s another great example of the Hall of Fame being a complete joke. Anyway, Shawn initiates the ending sequence but gets dropkicked with one of three moves Orton can actually do really well.

In what’s a pretty cool move, Shawn sets for the superkick and fakes Orton out to get him to drop down so Shawn can hook a small package. That was really smart and makes perfect sense. In something that really surprises me, Shawn uses a crossface. This is a mere four months after Benoit and in the middle of the investigation into his death. I guess that this was before the whole thing came out. Michaels goes even crazier by putting on an ankle lock. Man he’s going nuts here.

He gets the heel hook but Orton gets out. DAng , Orton is better with submission than Lesnar is. Something occurs to me. If Orton gets disqualified, HBK gets the belt right? Why doesn’t Shawn get one of his buddies to come out and blast him with a chair or something? Man this face thing getting in the way of something that makes sense.

As he goes for a figure four, Shawn is kicked into the post. After a very brief counter, the RKO ends it. Afterwards Orton yells at Shawn and picks him up, naturally getting kicked in the head before Shawn leaves. Well that was a pretty basic ending.

Rating: D+. I get that some people would like this match, but I just could not get into it at all. There’s no drama, there’s one decent looking spot with the moonsault, there are tons of dead spots, and the whole thing just falls short. There just was no reason at all to watch this, plain and simple. They weren’t going to put the belt on Shawn so quick. Earlier tonight in the Punk match you had a good match that was a token defense.

This is the same, but this was far more boring. It’s a great example of a good match like this and a bad one. Jericho would come back in less than a month to save Raw and have more bland matches with Orton. Vince, get it through your head: two surefire hall of fame wrestlers in Jericho and Shawn can only pull ok matches out of Orton. That simply can’t be a coincidence.

Recap of Batista vs. Taker: they’ve fought a bunch of times and split most of them, but they just think the other is a swell guy. Yep, that’s about it.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. Undertaker

Remember this is Hell in a Cell. Taker is the challenger here. JBL actually does some good analysis of what both guys need to do to win. He then ruins that by saying “oh that’s a clothesline!” Well thanks for that great brilliance there Johnny boy. Naturally Batista isn’t afraid of Taker. Less than three minutes in we have a chair brought in from under the ring. Or would it be out from under the ring? Whatever. Taker controls the majority of the opening part of the match.

Batista takes a chair shot to the throat and has some faint blood from his mouth. I know there’s not much being said here but the opening to this is solid which makes it difficult to make fun of. They’re trying to play up the experience/skill of Taker vs. pure power of Batista. That’s not a bad idea at all. As usual the rules of where you can pin someone here change per match, but I’d assume that it’s only in the ring. Cole implies it’s falls count anywhere.

They’re focusing a lot more on wrestling here than violence, which is fine. There’s certainly more than one way to have a good cell match and this is one of those options. Taker gets the Triangle Choke and Batista starts waving his arm and slapping the mat which looks a lot like tapping to me. He gets the ropes which apparently is a rope break. Even the announcers say that’s not correct. Batista is bleeding horribly.

After Batista gets some weapons shots in to take control, he gets caught in the Last Ride for two. This is a good match. The chokeslam gets two. He goes for the Tombstone but Batista does the leg wiggle of doom to get out and hit a spinebuster to take over again. A table is brought in as I begin to think: do those really help? I mean think about it. They kind of break your fall.

When you’re in a move like a powerbomb or something, the impact of the move is based on the amount of momentum built up when you’re coming down right? Well if there’s a table there blocking your way, doesn’t it stop a lot of the momentum? The impact of going through the table would hurt, but since you keep going anyway, it’s not going to hurt that much. Think of it like this: what hurts worse, taking a short ride and falling through a table, or taking a long ride and landing on something solid?

It doesn’t make a lot of sense to me, but I guess it can look good or something like that. Now we get to something else that’s kind of stupid. Batista sets up the table and hits a regular powerbomb through it (they call it the Batista Bomb but I can let that one go). If he had Taker that weakened, why not just hit the regular Batista Bomb and not give Taker the extra recovery time? Batista kicks out of the Tombstone, which makes him the second guy ever (Shawn at Mania 25) to kick out of all three finishers.

Shawn took it a step further though as he got out of Hell’s Gate as well. A Tombstone of the stairs should do it but the cameraman pulls the referee out and of course it’s Edge, returning from whatever injury he was out with. A camera shot to the head of Taker followed by a conchairto and Batista keeps the belt. Seriously, that’s the ending? Edge posing takes us out.

Rating: A-. This was a very good match until the ending. These guys have some solid chemistry together and showed it off tonight. Most Cell matches have zero story to them but this one did, which goes to show that you can have good wrestling and storytelling in a match like this and include weapons and blood.

That’s a big flaw in a lot of gimmick matches today: they forget they’re wrestling and just have high spots. Edge interfering really brings this down though as I wanted a clean win for someone. This was very good though and easily the best match at Survivor Series in a good while.

Overall Rating: B-. This is another example of a show where the grades don’t give an accurate representation of the whole show. I know I graded a lot of them low, but at the same time the whole show turned out to be pretty good I thought. The main event helped a lot as it was an excellent match. It goes to show you what a main event is capable of.

I know some people are going to think I’m an idiot for my Shawn vs. Orton grade, but the issue I have is simple: it was overbooked. Seriously, does a guy like Shawn need gimmicks in order to get over? You tell him how long he has and the finish and let him take care of the rest. The show certainly isn’t bad, but it’s hardly a classic. Batista and Taker is worth going out of your way to see, but while the rest is certainly good, it’s not must see. Recommended though.

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Unforgiven 2007
Date: September 16, 2007
Location: FedExForum, Memphis, Tennessee
Attendance: 12,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, John Layfield, Joey Styles, Taz

We’re almost done with this series as there’s only the Scramble show after this. This is a pretty forgotten show but at the very least we’re firmly into the double branded PPVs here. Tonight we have Cena vs. Orton and Khali vs. Batista vs. Mysterio for the titles. The real main event though is Undertaker’s latest return to face Mark Henry in what would be a potential Mania main event today. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Taker who was beaten a lot and is back again.

ECW Title: CM Punk vs. Elijah Burke

Man did these two go on different career paths. Burke is more famous as the Pope D’Angelo Dinero. We get a video on Punk winning the title recently in his final title shot. He had like four of them so he had to win one eventually. Burke doesn’t even get a full entrance. On a PPV. That should tell you a lot about his chances here. Feeling out process to start as Punk gets a quick cross armbreaker that goes nowhere.

Burke takes over for a few seconds but Punk grabs a Russian legsweep for two. They mess up an Irish whip into the corner as their legs collide and Burke takes over by just slamming Punk’s head off the mat. Why make things too complicated? Bow and arrow rest hold goes on Punk for a few seconds but he fights out and hits the knee/bulldog combo followed by the springboard clothesline for two.

Out to the floor and Punk gets his back rammed into various objects that aren’t meant to have your back rammed into. Burke hooks a Boston Crab but Punk makes a rope. Here are some rolling Germans but Punk blocks the third one. In a cool looking hold, Burke hooks the legs in a Texas Cloverleaf position but is standing and facing Punk instead of sitting on Punk’s back.

Punk finally gets out of it and hits an enziguri, only to get popped in the head with an uppercut. Burke was an amateur boxer so that’s a good move for him to use. That’s one of the issues I have with Barrett: he’s this bareknuckle champion but he never throws punches. Why not? Not that it matters as Punk rolls Burke up out of nowhere for the pin to retain.

Rating: C-. Not much of a debut as the champion here as Burke of all people dominated for the majority of the match and Punk won on a total fluke. It wasn’t a particularly good match either as this could have easily been the main event on ECW. Punk would lose the title soon enough to Chavo Guerrero and go on to win Money in the Bank, so he did ok I think.

We recap MVP vs. Matt Hardy and their rivalry that resulted in them winning the tag titles. The idea is that they’re competing in all kinds of non-wrestling things such as arm wrestling, boxing, basketball, pizza eating etc. This went on for MONTHS because both guys were injured or sick or whatever. Then they won the tag titles on a glorified fluke.

Smackdown Tag Titles: MVP/Matt Hardy vs. Deuce N Domino

MVP is also the US Champion. JBL says these two are like Brittney Spears and Mother Teresa. Now there’s a comparison you won’t hear again that often. Cherry’s (Deuce N Domino’s manager) looks were underrated. MVP and Hardy have a fight over who starts the match until we get down to MVP vs. Domino. Even Cole can’t tell Deuce and Domino apart. Domino yells a lot and Matt comes in off a slap to his chest.

Swinging neckbreaker puts Domino down as Matt and MVP have some annoying points system over who can hit the most moves. They keep shouting the score out to each other and I really don’t get what the point of it is. MVP sets for Matt’s yelling legdrop but Matt protests and tags himself in. This has been a one sided virtual comedy match so far. Matt drops a middle rope elbow on the back of Domino’s neck and does the ballin elbow drop.

Off to Deuce who has better luck. Matt gets caught in a chinlock and MVP rolls his eyes. A quick rollup gets two for Hardy. Domino back in as we settle into a regular tag match. Cherry tries to interfere but Matt grabs the Side Effect after MVP shouts to him. Domino hooks a cobra clutch and MVP walks out. Matt fights back and MVP is up on the apron again. He gets an inadvertent tag and cleans house. He hits Ballin on Deuce but Matt comes in, throws MVP out and steals the pin off a Twist of Fate.

Rating: C-. This is the kind of match Smackdown is for. Having two tag titles was a really bad idea as there were nowhere near enough teams to support it. Matt vs. MVP went on almost forever until Matt FINALLY won it at Backlash. This story went on for about 9-10 months. See how it could get boring quickly with all of the challenges that weren’t just wrestling matches?

Rey talks about being beaten up by Great Khali and how Khali, the world champion at this point, beat up Batista also. The idea is staying out of the Vice Grip, not breaking it. That makes sense.

HHH vs. Carlito

This is no DQ for Carlito only, meaning he can’t get disqualified but HHH can. What’s the story for that? I have no idea and the silence during HHH’s entrance isn’t telling me much. HHH returned from injury 3 weeks ago against Booker T and beat him in a match that everyone blasted HHH for winning because they’re idiots. Carlito’s hair is shorter here so he doesn’t look as stupid.

Both guys have had their entrances and the bell has gone off but the only information I’ve gotten is HHH was on Carlito’s Cabana at some point in the past. Usually WWE is way better about stuff like this. Ok so Vince was on the Cabana and HHH interrupted. I guess Carlito is Vince’s lackey? I don’t remember this story at all because it seems like something that’ll be ending tonight.

Coach made the match it seemed. Carlito throws in a trashcan but gets knocked to the floor quickly. A chair shot misses and HHH rams Carlito into the barricade. HHH goes old school with an abdominal stretch and grabs the ropes because he’s a natural heel. He finally gets caught pulling the hair and we go outside. HHH throws Carlito over the ECW announce table but a shot with the bell stops the Game for a bit.

Carlito chokes away with a cable but the apple spit fails due to a right hand. A big trashcan shot to the head puts HHH right back down though and for some reason Carlito is in control. More trashcan shots keep HHH down and the Puerto Rican gets another can. A suplex puts HHH through that one so Carlito finds a third one. Well sure why not. He puts it between the ropes in the corner but HHH reverses with a clothesline.

There are white symbols on the back of HHH’s tights which are really out of place for him. The knee to the face and facebuster get two each. Carlito throws some powder in HHH’s eyes but he takes too much time to get a chair and HHH is able to grab a spinebuster for no cover. The referee puts the chair out of the ring and HHH gets a low blow and Pedigree to end this.

Rating: D+. What in the world was the point of this? I’d love an explanation for that because I don’t get it. The rules were pretty stupid because they couldn’t give us a 10 second explanation of why they existed and they were just there to stack the odds against HHH. I mean, did anyone believe HHH wasn’t going to beat Car-freaking-Lito? Bad match on top of that as we were just waiting for the Pedigree and pin. Nothing match and I still don’t get the point of it.

Maria (MY GOODNESS) talks to Batista who hits on her. He talks about how he was going to get the title back after losing it. The time for talking is over and all that jazz. Basic stuff.

We recap Beth vs. Candace. Beth is a bully, Candace won’t give up, next.

Women’s Title: Candace Michelle vs. Beth Phoenix

Beth had been a face when she debuted but was injured and was out for a year. She’s been back as the Glamazon for about two months and is on a roll. Candace is the scrappy champion that has no reason to be here but has HEART! Beth takes over with her power stuff and Candance has to be all scrappy to stay in it. Beth is like girl please and hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker to stop the momentum dead. All Beth at this point as she works on Candace’s back.

A backbreaker gets two. She puts her in position for the Glam Slam but just drops her instead of slamming it down which gets two as well. Candace gets in a shot to the head but Beth is just like dude no. An over the shoulder backbreaker makes the champ scream. She manages to get out of that and grab a neckbreaker to put both chicks down. Candace starts her comeback and hits an Edge-O-Matic out of the corner but gets rammed into the corner by pure power from Beth. A gorilla press drop gets two. Beth tries a backbreaker but Candace rolls over the shoulders into a crucifix into the pin. I hate her music.

Rating: D+. They’re the Divas and the champion has music that competitive dance routines would be set to. This was exactly what you would have expected from a long Raw match and that’s not something I wanted to see. Candace looked a lot better with long hair if that means anything. Bad match.

Khali/interpreter says he’ll dominate and Batista is no match for him. Khali crushes a melon with a Mysterio mask on it. Batista’s head is represented by a watermelon which is crushed also. The world title looks tiny on his shoulder.

We recap the triple threat. Khali won the title in a battle royal after Edge got injured (shocking!) and has dominated everyone since then. Batista is like yo I can beat him. Rey is like “Uh….Eddie died two years ago so I should get a shot.” Triple threat land here we come! This gets the music video for the night.

Smackdown World Title: Great Khali vs. Rey Mysterio vs. Batista

The challengers go right at Khali but Rey is sent to the floor quickly. JBL says that’s good for him which is true as one big man is going to have to take out the other before he can win the match. Khali hammers away on Batista but Rey comes back in to help with the double teaming on the champ again. He even tries to steal a rollup on Batista which ticks Big Dave off.

Seated senton puts Batista down but Khali kicks Rey’s head off to put him down. Here comes the Vice Grip but Batista blocks it. He doesn’t block the chop (hit him in the shoulder) and now the Grip is on. Rey comes in with a chair and man that wasn’t incredibly smart. Rey is out but Khali goes after Batista instead. Khali gets his hands on Rey eventually and the beating begins.

Off to a nerve hold because Khali is foreign and will get sued if he doesn’t waste time with one of them in every match when he could just crack Rey’s head open and win the match easily. There’s the Grip but Dave makes the save. Khali gets tied up in the ropes and Batista goes off which is smart. Batista goes for the Bomb on Rey but Rey counters into the 619. Khali takes one as well as a seated senton but Batista pops up and powerbombs Rey onto Khali. A decent spinebuster to Khali gives Big Dave the title and a BIG pop.

Rating: C-. Keeping this short was its saving grace. Having Rey out there helped things a lot as it gave them a way around having the power vs. power. Batista pinning Khali was a good thing and it could have been a lot worst. At the end of the day though, Batista was just keeping the title warm for Edge who was keeping it warm for Taker. That’s life on Smackdown for you though.

We recap Vince finding out that Hornswoggle was his illegitimate son. Screw you Kennedy for getting hurt and messing this up. HHH keeling over laughing is hilarious.

Batista runs into HHH backstage and they shake hands. HHH says it’s another thing to keep it and walks off.

Raw Tag Titles: Paul London/Brian Kendrick vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

Spanky vs. Cade starts us off. These teams traded the titles on a house show tour and this is the rubber match I guess. Kendrick gets beaten down by both champions (the southern boys have the belts) until they get off to London and work over Murdoch’s arm. This is a popcorn match. Not the kind where you grab a box of popcorn and turn off your brain. It’s the kind where you go get popcorn because the match isn’t interesting at all.

The challengers bust out stereo suicide dives to take the champions out as the fans are SILENT. Granted this is Memphis and anything faster paced than PG-13 is over their heads. This is here as nothing more than a buffer between the two world title matches and everyone knows it. Cade takes Kendrick down as he plays Ricky Morton. Murdoch gets two as well. Kendrick tries to fire off some shots but gets powerslammed off the middle rope and London has to save.

Murdoch gets two off an elbow drop as everyone is waiting for this match to end. Time for some chinlocking because this match hasn’t gone on long enough yet. Murdoch tries to get too fancy coming off the top and Kendrick kicks him in the face. A diving tag brings in London and JR can’t tell which is which. To be fair I couldn’t either for a long time. A springboard double stomp gets two on Cade. Cross body gets two for Kendrick. The champs hit a double kick to the head of Kendrick who kicks out at two and I kid you not, the crowd groans. Cade finally retains by hitting a sitout spinebuster on Kendrick.

Rating: C-. It’s not bad but as I said over and over again, this was just so freaking boring. It went on and on as the second longest match of the night. The 2000s were not kind to the tag division and I think you could see why here. There was nothing to see here and no one was interested at all. Weak match and it just kept going, which is worst than sucking.

We recap Cena vs. Orton which involved Orton wanting a title shot so badly that he punted Cena’s dad. Cena beat up Regal because Regal denied Orton the match in the first place.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Randy Orton

Cena’s dad is at ringside. Orton looks at him and here comes Cena. John stares him down and snaps as they go at it in the middle. Randy is just trying to cover up at the moment and the fans aren’t thrilled. All Cena so far and he goes for the STF but Orton rolls to the floor. Orton gets in a shot as Cena is coming back in and there’s the elevated DDT for two. Cena wakes up and goes off on Orton but gets caught in a sleeper/chinlock.

The fans are behind Orton and you can hear the octave drop when the Cena fans chime in. Cena finally fights out of it as the Cena fans are cheering louder now. John hammers away with strikes and takes him into the corner where he pounds away even more. And yes, that’s a DQ after less than eight minutes with about a full minute in a chinlock. Think the Memphis fans are happy with that?

Rating: D. This was a joke right? This was what they wanted to give us after giving us 8 minutes in the other main event? Nothing to see here and this would give Cena a one year title reign as soon as the clock hit midnight. However, he wouldn’t defend it on PPV again in this reign as he would get hurt, resulting in the three world title matches at No Mercy where Orton walked out with the title.

Orton goes after Cena Sr. post match but Cena Jr. hooks the STFU on Orton and lets his dad punt him in a cool moment.

Coach goes off on Papa Cena in the back and makes Orton vs. Cena II in a last man standing match which never happened as I mentioned above. Cena the younger pops up and grabs Coach by the throat saying mess with dad, you mess with him.

We recap Taker vs. Henry which is the main event. Henry beat up Taker after Taker had a cage match with Batista and put him out. Taker was already hurt with a bad arm and it allowed Edge to cash in and win the world title. Weird things started happening, Taker is back, you know the drill.

Undertaker vs. Mark Henry

Taker gets the big overdone entrance with the symbol being on fire and all that jazz. This takes like 5 minutes to get through. Henry takes a step back and Taker hammers away. Henry catches Taker and pounds away so Taker headbutts him down. Taker loads up Old School but Henry punches him in the ribs. A superplex puts Taker down which brings a smile to my face as this is a few weeks after the ring broke with Henry superplexing Show.

Henry kicks Taker in the face and Taker just glares at him. They go to the floor and taker keeps punching. Back in Henry hits a low blow and a splash for two. A second splash gets the same result. A third splash misses and Taker strikes away but Henry gets something like a Boss Man Slam to put the dead dude back down. Splash #3 keeps Taker down as this is going way too slowly.

Taker sits up and I think we’re finally getting close to the end of this. He pounds away in the corner (shocking) and then hits the splash/clothesline in the corner. Old School hits and taker loads up the chokeslam. He manages to get a pretty good one too but it only gets two. Taker sets for a Last Ride but Henry had the buffet today so it doesn’t work. Off to a bearhug which he lets go because he’s an idiot. However he shows why he’s a bigger idiot by going to the corner and letting Taker hit the Last Ride for the pin.

Rating: D+. I get that it was the big brawl between two power guys but MAN this was dull. It went so slowly and the ending was a total cinch the whole time. I think I get why this went on last but they probably should have gone with the Batista match instead as the crowd was totally burned out at this point. It’s not horrible, but what did you expect here? Weak main event.

Overall Rating: D. Have you ever watched a marathon race where someone at the very end drags themselves across the finish line because they’re totally out of energy? That’s this show at about the halfway point. It just kept going and going, which is really weird as none of the matches even hit twelve minutes. Nothing on here is particularly good and the whole thing is just not interesting. Bad show but next year had a nice twist to it. That’s up next.

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Hard Justice 2007
Date: August 12, 2007
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 900
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Don West

We’re on the final part of this three PPV series and it’s a winner take all main event with Angle vs. Joe and the TNA, IWGP, X and tag titles all on the line. Also on this show is one of the few TNA appearances of Andrew “The Punisher” Martin, who is more famous as Test. The last show I did (Genesis) was a great surprise so hopefully this is the same. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about how Angle is totally awesome and made Lesnar tap out in Japan to win another world title. This is set to video of the space shuttle launching for some reason. Karen is sick of him though and says their marriage is over. Angle blames Joe for it which is the other setup for the main event.

Pacman Jones arrives. Why they thought this was a good idea eludes me to this day.

Jay Lethal/Sonjay Dutt vs. Triple X vs. Motorcity Machineguns

Triple X is Daniels/Senshi (Kaval). No one seems to care about Dutt/Lethal so far as we have dueling XXX/Guns chants. Dutt and Shelley have a kick off as we have people in police shirts on the floor. Oh they’re here for Pacman Jones. You know, because a guy that was involved in the paralysis of a part time wrestler at a strip club shooting is worth putting on PPV because it could make a few bucks right?

Ok so I think we have Dutt vs. Daniels to start and it’s off to Lethal quickly. Now let’s look at two chairs because Joe is going to have Karen Angle here later on. Dutt hits a standing moonsault for two on Shelley. This is one of those matches that is designed to be very fast paced and not have any kind of selling or storytelling in it. The Guns beat up Lethal for a bit and the fans cheer. They wouldn’t get the titles for about 3 years.

Off to Senshi as I can barely keep up with what’s going on. It’s not that it’s too fast, but with the guys coming in and out and no one ever really being in trouble, why or how am I supposed to get behind someone? The fans want Shelley. Lethal gets beaten down by XXX and this is already dragging.

Off to Shelley vs. Dutt who gets a rollup for two. And before I finish that line it’s Lethal vs. Senshi. Make that Lethal vs. Sabin vs. Daniel and a triple clothesline puts them all down. Shelley hooks an abdominal stretch on the floor for some reason so Lethal can dive onto everyone. Daniels dives on them all and it’s Sabin vs. Senshi. Now they both dive and I just want this match to end.

Dutt takes out everyone with a big moonsault and all six are down. Elix Skipper, the third member of XXX, comes in to save Daniels from Sabin. After that batch of random fighting and big spots, here’s another batch of random fighting and big spots. The Guns beat up Lethal as there’s a weak “This is Awesome” chant. Everyone breaks up a bunch of pin attempts and Senshi escapes Sliced Bread. XXX does a pretty cool double team sequence, but since it’s TNA it only gets two instead of being the big awesome finish. The actual finish: Lethal rolls up Daniels after a bunch more cool double teaming spots.

Rating: D+. This was one of the biggest chores to sit through that I’ve ever seen this side of an ROH show. The idea of these matches is to be fast paced and exciting, not the same stuff over and over again for fifteen minutes plus. It went WAY too long and it’s the same Cruiserweight/X Division stuff we’ve seen a million times.

JB goes to see Samoa Joe but finds Karen and a guy that looks a lot like Kurt, saying he’s the new man in her life.

Kaz vs. Raven

Raven had some freak show team around this time and Kaz rebelled. This is the revenge match. Raven offers Kaz a chance to return to the team but Kaz pops him. They head to the floor quickly and Seretonin (the team) gets involved but screws up, giving Kaz control early on. Raven hits the Russian legsweep into the rail spot that he often does. In the ring, Raven busts out a victory roll of all things for two.

A Million Dollar Kneelift puts Kaz on the floor. Raven beats on Kaz but Kaz fires back with punches. I don’t know what it is but I can’t get into this show at all. I think a lot of it is the lack of storylines and context for these matches and angles, but I don’t think they’re going to be interesting no matter what you do with them. Kaz takes out the other Seretonin guys but Raven cracks him with a kendo stick to the head. Kaz escapes a DDT, hits a one footed dropkick….and gets the pin. At least it’s over.

Rating: D. Just a messy brawl that wasn’t anything to see. There were some cool spots, but Raven was just annoying Kaz here more than being a threat. This was another of those feuds that I have zero interest in but have to sit through for the purposes of writing this. That being said I wasn’t interested in this feud four years ago either.

JB goes to tell Kurt about Karen and her date and he’s not happy. Kurt blames it on menopause. Kurt: “Does this guy have any gold medals?”

We recap the Rhyno vs. Storm feud which is based on Rhyno being a recovering alcoholic and Storm pouring beer down his throat. They stole the spot from Raven vs. Punk in ROH but who cares?

Rhyno vs. James Storm

This is a bar room brawl, which means a street fight. There’s a table with a cloth on it in the ring and alcohol bottles at ringside. They start in the aisle and go into the crowd as the bell rings. Storm hits him with a trashcan as we talk about Rhyno throwing a chair into the crowd. Not that we saw it or anything but I guess it’s implied. This is one of those old ECW brawls where it’s walk walk walk, punch punch, walk some more.

After about 4 minutes they get to the bar that Storm set up at ringside. Rhyno drinks some beer (recovering alcoholic angle remember) and the fans cheer. There’s a mannequin there and Rhyno throws it around too. Rhyno drinks from a keg and throws it on Storm and here’s a toilet for no apparent reason. Is there a point to ANY of this? They haven’t been in the ring yet.

Now Rhyno drinks vodka. He sits on the toilet and everyone goes quiet. Gee I wonder why. Now there’s a ladder being brought in. I hate these alcoholic angles so I’m not happy at all here. They go into the ring finally and Rhyno is supercharged on booze I think. Jackie gets involved and James is able to send him flying over to the floor. Rhyno takes over and is now drunk or “possessed by the liquor” or something. There’s a table in the corner now but the Gore misses, giving Storm two. Storm goes off on him with a trashcan and adds a Conchairto. A superkick and beer bottle to the back of the head end this.

Rating: C-. I get the story of the match but I don’t like it. I’ve never liked these kind of stories and I never will. Rhyno would take a few weeks after this due to his relapse. Yeah that’s what they went with for a face. Nothing to see here as the match was just dull overall as it was a lot of standing around and then dominance by one guy or the other.

Ron Killings (R-Truth) rants about Pacman Jones coming to TNA.

The announcers talk about the main event to kill time.

Voodoo Kin Mafia vs. LAX

Just a tag match here. LAX are the good guys here. The fans chant DX rejects for some reason. I mean, they were in DX but rejects? Really? Do TNA fans really think that the HBK/HHH version counts as a major DX incarnation? And they call themselves smart fans. Wow. Kip James (Billy Gunn) looks like he belongs back in Billy and Chuck.

BG (Road Dogg) works over Homicide as we hear about the Steiners being in action later tonight against Team 3D. It’s a dream match, but at the same time the Steiners are old at this point so how dreamy is it? Kip hooks a bearhug on Homicide as I can’t see this match lasting long. Partially that’s because I looked at the match time but ignore that part for now.

The bearhug goes on for awhile as we’re waiting on the hot tag to Hernandez. I don’t get why they didn’t just make the modern version of Mexican America into LAX 2.0. I mean, it is LAX 2.0 but why not just call it that? Here’s Hernandez who cleans house and everything breaks down. Roxxi gets up on the apron to throw something in Hernandez’s eyes. A Fameasser gets the pin. Well it was more like he jumped and then Hernandez fell over but whatever.

Rating: D+. Whatever man. This was like an Impact match but we just had to have it here for some reason. Nothing to see here which is what happens when one guy holds the tag titles and is in the main event in a singles match. The Mafia didn’t mean anything at this point and the fans’ reaction to them seems to prove that.

Hector Guerrero comes out and tells the referee what happened. He listens to Hector so the match restarts and LAX gets the pin. Well sure why not. This is Hector’s return from being beaten down by…LAX. Vince Russo lives!!!

We recap Eric Young vs. Robert Roode. It’s more or less a comedy feud and we’re having a tar and feather match.

Eric says he’s going to lose like he did in high school. Kurt Angle comes up and says Karen wasn’t there. He accuses JB of dating her instead. Eric cracks up and confirms there’s another guy here with Karen.

Eric Young vs. Robert Roode

This is part of the feud that went on FOREVER and never really went anywhere at all. Well it got Traci into a bikini which was a nice thing to see. Traci gets involved here and hits Eric with a shoe. Eh she was bent over in a low cut top so no complaints there. Roode chokes away and I remember why I hated his original heel run: he was boring. I mean like 5th season of NXT boring.

He’s just a rich guy that wrestles. There’s nothing to see here and he’s not interesting at all. He’s Curt Hennig’s moveset with DiBiase’s gimmick but none of their charisma or likability. Young gets something going but gets caught in an Alabama Slam to put him back down. A middle rope kneedrop hits for two. They slug it out and both guys go down. Crucifix gets two for Eric.

Roode goes up and gets crotched as the fans are trying to get into this. Traci comes in and is launched head first into Roode’s crotch. Eric tries a double Death Valley Driver but Roode escapes. Rollup gets two for Young. Blockbuster gets two. The ending sequence is a big mess with Traci interfering, a low blow and brass knuckles. The knuckles end Young.

Rating: D+. This was a pretty big mess. Roode has some decent moves at times but man was he boring as a heel. He’s a heel again in TNA at the moment and is the world champion. It almost has to be more interesting this time but here it just didn’t do it for me. Also, can Young do anything but be goofy?

Gail Kim comes out for the save as Young gets up. Roode accidentally hits Traci and then she gets tarred and feathered. At least take her top off first dude.

We recap Dustin Rhodes vs. Chris Harris. Rhodes had a split personality or something which resulted in Black Reign. This was REALLY stupid.

Harris says he earned his spot and didn’t steal it from Rhodes.

Black Reign vs. Chris Harris

Reign comes in from behind to jump Harris. The fans aren’t exactly thrilled with this new character. He beats Harris down on the floor and busts him open quickly. Rhodes throws down a referee and uses a spike thing to the head of Harris. There goes another referee and Dustin hits Shattered Dreams and a cutter. Referee #3 comes out and is thrown down also, FINALLY drawing a DQ.

Rating: N/A. I don’t use this often but it’s right here. This was a 5 minute beating, not a match. Harris didn’t get in a single punch and I have no idea what they were going for here. Rhodes as Black Reign was just stupid as everyone knew it was an attempt to be Goldust. The hardcore/monster thing was just bad because at the end of the day, it’s Dustin Rhodes. Why are we supposed to care?

The post match beatdown goes on forever.

We recap the Steiners vs. the Dudleys. Scott got injured in Puerto Rico and legitimately nearly died. This turned him face so Rick Steiner came in for some reason, setting up this dream match that would have been one if the generations we’re 10 years apart.

The Steiners say they’ll win and ECW is referenced.

The Dudleys make fun of Puerto Ricans. Scott is going back to the hospital tonight.

Steiner Brothers vs. Team 3D

Rick vs. D-Von starts us off and Rick looks BAD. Rick gets a quick powerslam and I think bites Bubba’s balls. Things break down quickly and the Steiners do their signature pose. The Dudleys start to leave and it turns into a fight on the ramp. The always annoying fans ask where their smoothie is. The Dudleys had opened a smoothie shop around this time, which every fan clearly knows about right? I mean, that couldn’t possible distract the fans right?

Scott comes in and does the push-ups on Bubba. Rick comes in and hooks a Crossface of all things on D-Von. Ray pulls Scott’s arm and the Dudley’s work over the scarred area of Scott’s back. There’s an abdominal stretch to eat up some time. Scott hits a double clothesline and it’s off to Rick who cleans a few rooms. That’s good as he needs the exercise it would seem. Scott manages the belly to belly superplex for two on D-Von. There’s the Frankensteiner but the Steiner Recliner is broken up. The Steiner Bulldog ends D-Von, who took most of the big moves in this.

Rating: C-. Yeah Scott busted out some big stuff, but for a dream match this was one of those dreams where you don’t remember it very long after you wake up. I get the idea they were going for here and the feel good moment, but did anyone want to see this match in this condition? Not really, but it could have been worse. They would do this at two more PPVs.

Angle goes to see Dr. Nash who was doing a psychiatrist thing or something at this time. Kurt cries onto the couch and looks like he’s about to have a breakdown. Nash says he’s more important than Kurt’s family. Kurt cries about being a loser and that no one loves him. This is about 30 minutes before the world title match remember. Nash tries to snap him out of it. Is there a point to this? It’s Angle vs. Joe and they have him like acting like a 13 year old girl. Nash leaves and Kurt cries some more.

Mike Tenay is in the ring and it’s Pacman Jones time. Oh get this over with. Tenay talks about how much publicity they’re getting (most of which was about how stupid this is and how Jones shouldn’t be doing this) and brings out Jones. We hear about his football stats but ignore the shooting stuff. Jones says nothing of note and sounds so bored and stupid I can’t believe it. He says he’s here to show he’s a team player.

Truth comes out to What’s Up which is still weird to hear in another company. He owns the rights to it so he can do it though so it’s legal. Just odd. Truth points out that Pacman can’t be touched while here, thereby pointing out that there is no real point to Jones being here. Truth says Jones needs to watch his back. Jones laughs and this is awful. TNA of course would give Jones a tag title in a match against Sting and Angle. This is so dumb.

We recap the six man cage match which is Team Abyss vs. Christian’s Coalition. It’s a hardcore cage match which was picked by Abyss after he won a ladder match. Team Abyss is Abyss, Sting, and wait for it…..wait for it……Test. Yes that Test, although he’s called Andrew the Punisher Martin here.

Christian says the name Doomsday Chamber of Blood sounds stupid. AJ is still a clueless idiot here.

Pacman is down in the back and bleeding. This gets a big pop from the fans.

Andrew Martin/Sting/Abyss vs. Christian Cage/AJ Styles/Tomko

There’s barbed wire around the top of the cage and you win by pinfall, but the person being pinned has to be bleeding first. Abyss gets beaten down until bald Test makes the save. The lights go out and Sting appears in the ring, clocking Tomko with a chair. No one is in the ring at the moment. Ok so it’s Abyss vs. Styles now. Well they had my favorite match ever in TNA in a cage so no complaints there.

Tomko is busted so he could be pinned now. AJ gets a jumping enziguri to put Abyss to the floor again. Styles dives out of the cage to take Abyss out again. So….you know what, screw it. I’m not playing dumb on this one. GET IN THE FREAKING CAGE LIKE YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO YOU IDIOTS! Three minutes in we’re told that whoever gets the fall is the #1 contender. Well sure why not.

Test beats up Christian but Christian isn’t bleeding yet so no cover. And now we cut to the back to watch Pacman freaking Jones get loaded into an ambulance. In the middle of the second main event of all times. OH COME ON ALREADY. NO ONE FREAKING CARES TNA. This is shown for 23 seconds, which could be worse but it was 23 seconds too long. Guess what the announcers are going to talk about for awhile now.

Everyone is in the ring now I believe. Oh wait Sting isn’t. Tomko breaks up a double chokeslam and Sting is trying to get in. That fails and they manage to lock him out of the cage. Abyss is busted open from his head and arm. Total heel beatdown here but Sting has wire cutters. Sting gets in and here comes the comeback. Tomko cracks Sting with a chari and AJ hits a top rope splash on Abyss as does Christian, getting two. Test kicks a chair into Tomko’s head and there’s glass on the mat. Christian escapes which doesn’t mean anything here. Black Hole Slam onto the glass gives Abyss the pin on Styles.

Rating: C. For this big bloody war, this wasn’t much. Then again we didn’t see the complete version because we couldn’t wait five minutes to see Jones get loaded up into the ambulance of course. Not bad but Lethal Lockdown is a lot better than this was. Having only six people in there was a good thing though as it wasn’t too crowded in there.

We recap Angle vs. Joe. The idea is Joe is X Champion and is the sole owner of the tag titles. Angle is world champion and has some Japanese title. This match is winner take all. Kurt turned into a jerk, blasting his wife and kids. His wife left him and Kurt snapped.

Joe says he’s taking the rest of what Kurt has tonight.

TNA World Title/X-Division Title/Tag Titles/IWGP World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Samoa Joe

Kurt is all messed up mentally and drops one of the belts on the way to the ring. So it’s high school sophomore Kurt here. Joe has his Samoan dancers here. Karen is nowhere to be seen at the bell. Feeling out process to start and Angle is knocked to the floor. Here are Karen and that other dude. Nothing of note so far in the opening three minutes or so.

Joe tries a sunset flip and Kurt gets his tights pulled down for a Ric Flair imitation. Karen throws champagne in Kurt’s eyes. Back in a running knee gets two for Joe. Joe uses the Facewash in the corner and Kurt is in big trouble. The American hits a German on the Samoan to put both guys down. Off to a chinlock as this isn’t much of a match. It’s certainly below what these two usually do.

Here are the rolling Germans. Joe grabs one of his own and they slug it out. Snap powerslam gets two. Kurt goes to the second rope but Joe snaps off a wicked enziguri for two. The Slam is countered so Joe slaps Angle a few times. Powerslam gets two. MuscleBuster is loaded up but Kurt rolls through into the ankle lock which is countered into the Clutch which is countered into the ankle lock again.

They speed things up and the Angle Slam gets two. The fans are finally into something on this show and Angle runs the corner for the belly to belly, getting two. The moonsault misses but it would have been a headbutt at best anyway. MuscleBuster gets two. Joe grabs the Clutch again but Angle bites his fingers to break it. Off to the ankle lock which Joe counters back into the Clutch.

Angle gets his foot on the ropes and there’s the ref bump. Joe grabs the choke again and Angle taps. Ever the idiot since he’s the face here, Joe lets go of the hold since there’s no referee. Karen grabs a chair but, say it with me, IT’S A SWERVE!!!! Karen slides it to Kurt who clocks Joe with it for the pin and all the titles. Give me a break.

Rating: B. It’s good but when you have 2007 Joe vs. Angle, you’re expecting more than a Russo finish. I mean, it’s not bad but the swerve was predictable because it was exactly what you expected to happen. It was the least logical option given the storyline leading up to this so that was always going to be the ending. The first ten minutes of this were weak but the ending was a lot better, other than the swerve of course.

Overall Rating: F. Just no. I don’t care if there’s a good main event or not. This show was HORRIBLE. I haven’t been this bored and this uninterested in a show in a very long time. The Pacman Jones garbage to the SWERVE ending which takes away the last few weeks of storylines to Angle having EVERY FREAKING TITLE IN THE COMPANY was just stupid. What’s the point of any of the other matches if one guy holds every single belt? I hated this show and it ticked me off worse than any show I’ve watched in a long time.

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