ECW On Sci Fi
Date: September 4, 2007
Location: US Bank Arena, Cincinnati, Ohio
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

It’s time for a big showdown as CM Punk is getting his latest title shot against John Morrison for the ECW World Title. This almost has to be the title change, because there is no reason for Punk to lose again. Throw in the fact that there really isn’t anyone else for Morrison to defend against and they almost have to pull the trigger here. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a look at CM Punk becoming #1 contender last week.

Opening sequence.

Boogeyman vs. Matt Striker

Big Daddy V is here with Striker, who describes him as omnipotent. Boogeyman is foaming at the mouth to start so V gets on the apron for a quick distraction. Striker bails to the floor, comes back, and gets knocked right back to the floor. Back in and Boogeyman hits a corner splash before giving chase on the floor….where V clotheslines Boogeyman for the fast DQ.

Post match V crushes Boogeyman to leave him laying.

Armando Estrada tells CM Punk that this is his last chance for the ECW World Title. Estrada says good luck, but Punk says that’s for losers.

We see a clip of Balls Mahoney on Who Wants To Be A Superhero. Of course this is missing from the Peacock version.

Balls Mahoney vs. Miz

Extreme Expose is here with Miz but Kelly Kelly doesn’t seem thrilled with everything. Mahoney starts fast with the left hands in the corner but Miz takes him down, earning some applause from Extreme Expose (Kelly again isn’t impressed). Miz grabs the cravate but Mahoney is right back up with the snap jabs (Kelly approves). Not that it matters as Miz hits the Reality Check for the fast pin.

Post match Miz declares Mahoney the loser of the match so Kelly checks on him. That earns her a stern lecture and she leaves with Miz and the girls.

John Morrison is sick of CM Punk because he is a loser. Punk picks his tattoos out of a coloring books and looks like a Blink 182 groupie who cried himself to sleep when he couldn’t sneak backstage.

Long video on the McMahon Family drama this week on Raw. Next week, Vince’s illegitimate son is revealed.

Kevin Thorn/Elijah Burke vs. Stevie Richards/Tommy Dreamer

Thorn pounds Richards into the corner to start but Richards kicks his way to freedom. It’s off to Dreamer, who gets slammed down to put him in trouble for a change. Burke comes in and, after a cheap shot from Thorn, hits an STO to put Dreamer down again. Thorn pulls Dreamer into a chinlock which doesn’t last very long as Dreamer sends him into a turnbuckle. The hot tag brings in Richards to take over on Burke as the pace picks up. Burke sends him shoulder first into the corner though, leaving Thorn and Dreamer to fight to the floor. The Elijah Express finishes for Burke.

Rating: C-. It was nice to have a flashback to the New Breed vs. ECW Originals feud here and right now, that might not be the worst way to go. At the end of the day, there isn’t much going on with the rest of the roster so this is about as good of an idea as they have with these people. Not a good match, but it was passable enough that it could have worked with a few more minutes.

Video on CM Punk vs. John Morrison.

ECW World Title: CM Punk vs. John Morrison

Punk is challenging in his final shot. They go technical to start with an exchange of front facelocks and rollups for two each. Punk gets a delayed one off a hip toss of all things but Morrison takes him down and stomps away as we hear a bit about the history of the ECW World Title.

A springboard dropkick gets two on Morrison and Punk starts kicking him in the chest. Morrison sends him throat first into the ropes though and Punk is sent to the apron. That means the powerbomb to the floor has to be blocked, leaving Punk to dive onto Morrison as we take a break.

Back with Morrison slamming Punk off the top for two and then blasting him with a kick to the face. We hit the chinlock for a few seconds before Morrison goes with a running knee to the face for two. Now it’s a reverse chinlock (with Punk looking like he is tapping, likely by accident) before Morrison goes up top. You don’t do that in a match this big, as Punk is right there with a superplex to bring him back down.

Punk’s leg lariat gets two and the running knee in the corner/bulldog gets the same. Back up and Morrison catches him with a Pele kick in the corner but has to elbow his way out of the GTS. A rollup with trunks and rope gets caught (thank goodness) so Punk rolls him up for two of his own. Morrison misses the springboard kick to the face though and it’s the GTS to give Punk the pin and the title.

Rating: B. They had built this up so hard that it had to be the title change and they did just that. Punk kept getting closer and closer to the win and FINALLY pulled it off, which is all you could ask for. They even had some hot near falls near the end, but this was either Punk wins the title or goes into another feud that they don’t have here at the moment. Good match and the only decision they could have made.

Punk celebrates to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. Not a great show here but the main event is the only thing that matters. While that is kind of a microcosm of all of ECW at the moment, I’ll take what I can get with the title change though, as that is all that it needed to be here. ECW needs some fresh stars, but at least they have Punk to fight some of their current roster for a few weeks/months now. Good main event and the rest was passable enough, even if it isn’t that inspiring.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: September 3, 2007
Location: Nationwide Arena, Columbus, Ohio
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re actually taped this week as WWE is on its way to an international tour next week. Unforgiven is coming up later this month and we need a card, but there are going to be a few people missing. Late last week, a group of wrestlers were suspended for thirty days over connections with Signature Pharmacy, which had been linked to performance enhancing drugs.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

As a result, after this week, Charlie Haas, Edge, Gregory Helms, John Morrison, William Regal, Ken Kennedy, Umaga, Sho Funaki, Chris Masters, and Chavo Guerrero Jr. are going to be gone until next month. Booker T. was so adamant that he didn’t do anything that he gave notice and is gone. Eugene is gone as well, after not having a prescription for painkillers. In an unrelated note, Cryme Tyme is gone as well, albeit over issues with Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch and yelling at a referee. Things could be rather different for the next few weeks so let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Randy Orton attacking a variety of people, including John Cena’s dad to end last week’s show. In case it wasn’t clear in the first place, of course you know this means war.

Opening sequence.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Umaga

Umaga is defending and punches Hardy down to start fast. A kick to the face and a headbutt both drop Hardy again and there’s a chest first whip into the corner. Umaga superkicks him off the apron and we take a break. Back with Umaga grabbing the nerve hold and then nailing a Samoan drop.

The middle rope headbutt misses though and Hardy gets a much needed breather. Hardy forearms away and gets two off a baseball slide dropkick. The Whisper in the Wind gets two but Umaga is back with the swinging Rock Bottom for two of his own. Umaga goes up top but Hardy crotches him down….and gets the very fast pin for the title. Even Hardy is stunned as Umaga kicks him off and out to the floor.

Rating: C. Most of this match was a house show fight until the shock ending. They did a good job of making this feel like a squash until the underdog won off a fluke, giving it almost a Bret Hart vs. Yokozuna Wrestlemania X vibe. Umaga feels like he got caught slipping on a banana peel instead of taking a defeat, which lets him come back as a monster in a month. Hardy getting the title is always a fine way to go though and this was about as logical of a way out as they had.

Post match, Umaga breaks a lot of stuff.

Vince McMahon has a bunch of attorneys with him to deal with his families’ attorneys. Carlito, with a slightly less stupid looking (though still stupid looking) haircut, comes in and gets his singles match with HHH turned into a handicap match with Umaga on his side.

Maria is a bit worried about her match with Beth Phoenix, as set up by Santino Marella. Santino tells her not to worry, because he has something to get off his chest. Oh and he’ll protect her too. Maria doesn’t seem convinced.

William Regal tells a production assistant to send John Cena to him when Cena arrives. Melina pops up and whispers something to Regal about her, ahem, meeting with Vince McMahon. Regal calls her kinky and says she should be ashamed of herself. Stephanie and Linda McMahon show up to glare at Melina. Linda gets in a slap in slow motion and here is Ron Simmons for the catchphrase.

Maria vs. Beth Phoenix

Hold on though as first, Santino Marella says that he is going to beat up Ron Simmons as soon as his arm is better. He also calls the city a disgusting dump, but here is Sandman to interrupt. Santino says Sandman is jealous because Santino gets to make love to Maria, while Sandman only has his stick. Sandman canes him in the head and they go up the ramp, leaving Maria alone. This is completely edited off Peacock for whatever reason. As for the match, Beth throws Maria around with no trouble and finishes with a cradle suplex in less than a minute.

Post match, Beth says she is getting her Women’s Title shot at Unforgiven. Candice Michelle has never seen anything like her before and she beats up Maria again for a preview. Cue Candice for the save.

We see the aftermath of Randy Orton attacking John Cena’s father, including a nasty black eye.

Here is William Regal to recap Randy Orton attacking John Cena’s last week. As a result, Regal has given Orton the night off, but Orton is here via satellite. Orton makes it clear: Cena did this to himself and his father’s blood is on his hands. All Cena had to do was give Orton his rematch for the WWE Title, so does Cena want it now? Want it or not, Regal makes the match for Unforgiven.

Orton hopes Cena’s dad never forgives his son but here is Cena to no music. Cena comes to the ring and promptly beats the daylights out of Regal, including knocking him over the announcers’ table and putting him in the STFU. Referees finally make a late save but Regal is done.

Paul London/Brian Kendrick vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team

The winners get a Tag Team Title shot against Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch, on commentary, at Unforgiven. Kendrick and Haas start things off with Kendrick being in trouble on the technical side. A wristlock works a bit better and it’s London coming in to stay on Haas’ arm. Benjamin comes in for a gorilla press gutbuster to take over on London though and we hit the neck crank. Back up and London rams heads with Haas, allowing the crawling tag over to Kendrick. The fans get into things as Kendrick hits back to back dives on Haas and Benjamin. With Benjamin and London on the floor, Sliced Bread gives Kendrick the fast pin.

Rating: C+. London and Kendrick are valuable people to have on the roster as they can have a good match with anyone while getting the fans behind them. That should set them up as good #1 contenders and the match should be good enough. Haas and Benjamin continue to be fine opponents for anyone, as the tag division is starting to grow again. That being said, I do wonder if London and Kendrick were supposed to be Cryme Tyme.

Post match Cade and Murdoch get in the ring for what seems like some false sportsmanship.

William Regal is in an ambulance as Shane McMahon walks by.

Video on CM Punk, who is challenging for the ECW World Title tomorrow night.

Carlito tries to fire up Umaga by telling him that HHH was laughing at him for losing the Intercontinental Title.

Vince McMahon meets with his lawyers and asks about his money being secure. After seemingly making Coach GM in place of the injured William Regal, Vince fires a lawyer for suggesting he use a defensive strategy.

Here are Jillian Hall and Daivari, with the former saying she isn’t supposed to sing due having her wisdom teeth cut out but she’ll do it anyway! We get some Summer Lovin before it’s time for a tag match. This is also missing from Peacock.

Cody Rhodes/Mickie James vs. Daivari/Jillian Hall

The women start things off, with Jillian telling Mickie to avoid the teeth. Instead Mickie kicks her in the ribs and then in the face so it’s off to the men. Cody armdrags Daivari down into a few armbars but has to fight out of a chinlock. Daivari drops some elbows for two instead and the chinlock goes right back on. That’s broken up as well so Cody puts on a spinning toehold. Jillian tries a save but Mickie cuts her off, leaving Cody to hit a DDT for the pin.

Rating: C-. As has been the case since Cody’s push began, it isn’t about the match itself but rather Cody getting to establish himself. The good thing is that they have mixed it up a little bit, as he may be beating Daivari over and over, at least they are having it in different forms. It isn’t a huge push, but they’re going about it in a smart way.

Carlito/Umaga vs. HHH

Carlito throws the lefts at HHH to start but gets punched down for his efforts. HHH throws him down by the hair and then goes for Umaga but Carlito comes back in. Some double teaming is enough for the quick DQ.

Post match the big beatdown is on but Carlito grabs a chair, which HHH takes away and wrecks both of them (including several shots to Umaga’s head). The sledgehammer is brought in and HHH blasts Umaga in the head to bust him open. A big sledgehammer shot to the back of the head knocks Umaga cold and I’d assume it’ll take about thirty days for him to recover.

Unforgiven rundown.

Here are Vince McMahon and his attorneys to deal with the rest of the family. Vince knows this whole thing is about the money and everyone here wants a handout. Cue Linda McMahon, sans attorneys, to say she is the CEO of WWE so she has her own money. Thanks to Coach bringing all of those women out here to explain that Vince has had so many affairs, she can take him for everything he has. Vince tries to calm things down but here is Stephanie McMahon to interrupt.

Vince knows she’s the volatile one but they’ve had some great times together. He has a video for her looking at A Father’s Love (this could go so many different ways from Vince), which is him pummeling Linda and Stephanie over the years. Vince panics because it’s the wrong video, but HHH pops up on screen. HHH swears he had NOTHING to do with that. HHH: “Hi Steph.” That gets a smile from Stephanie, who thinks Vince should step down from his position as Chairman of the Board.

Now it’s Shane McMahon coming out to ask if he’s talking to Vince McMahon his father, or an arm swinging, death faking, egomaniacal lunatic. Shane thinks Vince needs to change in some way because this could all work out. Shane: “I always wanted a brother!” That gets a glare from Stephanie, but Vince says he never had any affairs. He was saying all of those things to make himself feel better and he only cheated on Linda ONE TIME. That was the woman who gave birth to the illegitimate son and Vince feels terrible about it. He gets on his knee to apologize but here is Mr. Kennedy to interrupt.

Kennedy says there are a lot of coincidences between himself and Vince and it just so happens that the son will be revealed next week in his hometown of Green Bay, Wisconsin. Kennedy flat out says he is Vince’s son, which Stephanie doesn’t buy. Hold on though, as Kennedy credits Vince for turning him into a WWE Superstar and then says his name loudly, with the MCMAHON at the end.

Vince hugs him, but here is a guy in a suit to say that he represents the mother of Vince’s illegitimate son. It is NOT Mr. Kennedy (darn that stupid pharmacy), but he does have a clue as to the son’s identity: Things Are Looking Up. Vince wants to know what that means to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This was a really weird show as the biggest issue came from having to deal with having to wrap up so many people all at once. The Kennedy deal was the big one, as not only is he gone, but now he has lost the spot in what was probably the biggest angle of his career. The rest of the show wasn’t very good either, but I would wonder how many things had to be changed late because of all of the suspensions. Not a good show, though there were some rather unique circumstances.

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Smackdown
Date: August 31, 2007
Location: Times Union Center, Albany, New York
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole

We’re done with Summerslam and that means it is time to start getting ready for Unforgiven. While a series of vignettes has already said that Undertaker will be back, likely to face Mark Henry, we are also likely getting another Batista vs. Great Khali match for the World Title. It wasn’t pretty the first time, but Khali got himself disqualified to set up a likely rematch. Happy day to us. Let’s get to it.

Here is Summerslam if you need a recap.

Rey Mysterio is back tonight.

Teddy Long is in the ring with the Great Khali and Runjin Singh. Long gets straight to the point: tonight it’s a Championship Competition to crown a new #1 contender. First up, it’s Finlay vs. Kane, with the winner facing the winner of the winner of Rey Mysterio vs. Batista for the Unforgiven title shot. Back in my day we called that a tournament but that doesn’t have alliteration.

Championship Competition First Round: Kane vs. Finlay

Kane doesn’t have his ribs taped this time. Finlay puts the Shillelagh down in the corner so Kane picks it up to change things a bit. The referee makes him drop it, allowing Hornswoggle to pop up and take it away. Kane knocks Finlay down and hits a basement dropkick, which has JBL talking about a pot of neckbone.

They head outside with Kane being sent into the steps to bang up the ribs again. Back in and Finlay hits his own basement dropkick but Kane kicks him away for a breather. Kane goes with a simple strategy of hit Finlay in the face, setting up the side slam. The chokeslam connects but Kane loads up the Tombstone (which he hasn’t used in a long time). Finlay slips out and it’s a Hornswoggle distraction so the Shillelagh can knock Kane cold for the pin.

Rating: C. These two know how to have a hard hitting fight and that ‘s what they did here, albeit with a few shenanigans thrown in. Finlay getting the win is a bit of a surprise, but it isn’t a big enough upset that it is unbelievable. Kane even gets protected thanks to the Shillelagh. They kept to the point here and while it wasn’t as good as the Summerslam match, it was nice to see them do it again.

We look at Deuce N Domino breaking up Matt Hardy and MVP’s game of basketball to help set up this week’s Tag Team Title match.

Jesse and Festus talk about going back to school. Festus did all of the advance learning and learned Latin and advanced trigonometry.

Tag Team Titles: MVP/Matt Hardy vs. Deuce N Domino

Deuce N Domino are challenging and have Cherry in their corner. Matt isn’t wasting time and jumps the champs before the bell. That lets MVP grab some early rollups for two each on Domino but Matt tags himself in, much to MVP’s annoyance. The bulldog out of the corner gets two on Domino and a double clothesline takes the champs down. Now it’s MVP tagging himself in, allowing Matt to take his shirt off.

Matt is right back in, as MVP doesn’t seem like he is allowed to do much yet. Domino uses one of the distractions to get in a shot of his own to take over as we take a break. Back with Matt still in trouble in the corner, including Deuce dropping a leg for two. The chinlock goes on and then goes on again after Matt’s comeback is cut off.

Some knees to the face get two on Matt but he fights his way out of the corner for a breather. Domino is sent into Deuce and gets taken down by the Side Effect, allowing the tag off to MVP. Granted it’s in the form of a slap to the face, but Matt hits the Twist of Fate on Domino so MVP can steal the pin and the titles.

Rating: C. They didn’t have many options here as MVP was limited to rollups and covers due to his health issues. There is some good opportunity for some trash talk between the two of them though and the story does have some legs. As for Deuce N Domino, they held the titles for a long time, but there is only so much that can be done when you have no teams to face and have nothing to do most weeks. Maybe Matt and MVP can do better, but there isn’t much of a division to speak of at the moment.

MVP posts with all three titles and Matt is stunned.

Batista comes in to see Vince McMahon, who is rather impressed by Batista’s physique. Vince talks about their various similarities and thinks Batista might be his son. Batista does think there are some similarities, but talks about how he was raised by a single mother who could barely keep food on the table. If Vince was his father and didn’t contribute a dime to anything, violence would ensue. Come to think of it, Vince doesn’t believe they look that much alike.

Teddy Long and Kristal are getting married in three weeks.

Eugene is here with a t-shirt gun but Mark Henry comes out to…well I think you get the idea. Henry says that the Undertaker is coming back at Unforgiven (the Undertaker videos saying UNFORGIVEN might have given it away) so here’s another Undertaker video, with Undertaker’s hand popping out of the ground.

Championship Competition First Round: Batista vs. Rey Mysterio

They shake hands and hug to start before Batista powers him into the corner. After a clean break, Batista does it again to prove his point. Rey gets smart by trying the speed and spins around Batista, who blasts him with a clothesline. Batista doesn’t seem happy as he sends Rey outside and then runs him over for two back inside.

The chinlock with a bodyscissors goes on for a fairly good while until Rey fights up. A dropkick cuts off Batista’s knee but he hits Rey in the face again. That still doesn’t sit well with Batista, allowing Rey to hit a springboard seated senton for two. Batista plants him with the spinebuster but here is Finlay with a chair. That’s cut off and Batista grabs the chair but shoves the referee does for the DQ by mistake.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t exactly a great match but at least they gave Batista a reason not to crush Rey. It was nice to have something other than destruction and it ties into their history together for a change. The setup of Rey vs. Finlay for the title match is interesting, but it doesn’t leave much for Batista to do.

We take a long look at Vince McMahon on Carlito’s Cabana on Raw, resulting in HHH bringing out a bunch of women from Vince’s past. Hilarity did not ensue.

Ashley is going to be on the next season of Survivor.

Here are Vince McMahon and Coach for a chat. Vince talks about HHH bringing out a bunch of “freaks” on Monday, but he only has relations with beautiful women. Vince: “They have all felt my rock hard…..body.” Coach wants to prove that Vince has great taste in women by bringing out some women that Vince has, ahem, known over the years. First up is a woman from New York in 1983, who still remembers the unbridled passion.

Next up is New Year’s Eve 1977, which apparently is the first time he met Howard Finkel. Vince doesn’t like that memory so Coach brings out the three women from the same night. That means some details from Vince, with Coach having to cut him off. They’re all happy to remember ringing in the new year with a bang, with Vince seeming pleased.

Finally, we have Mary Katherine…who is now a nun. This has Vince freaked out but she talks about how that one night in 1981 at the Cape Cod Coliseum made her realize that only God could be better than him. Coach: “She was second to none.” Coach laughs at the pun and Vince wants new memories with them together. The women leave so Vince talks about his family showing up this week. Vince can’t stand the attorneys they’re bringing in, but he wants his son to see what family is really like. I don’t see that going well, but it almost has to be better than this stupid thing.

It’s time for Chuck Palumbo to take the Masterlock Challenge. Masters jumps him instead of putting the hold on but gets cleared out.

Raw Rebound.

Jamie Noble is obsessed with taking out Hornswoggle next week. Shannon Moore wishes him luck by putting an “I Heart Leprechauns” sign on his back.

Rey Mysterio vs. Finlay

The winner gets a title shot at Great Khali at Unforgiven. Finlay goes after Rey’s bad back to start but gets low bridged to the floor. That means a Hornswoggle distraction so Finlay can sit on Rey’s back as we take a break. Back with Finlay running Rey over and hitting a slam to keep the target simple. The half crab goes on until Rey fights up and hits an enziguri. The 619 to the back of the head sets up a springboard sunset flip to give Rey the pin and the title shot.

Rating: C. This was short and another not great match as they were moving pretty fast. The whole thing couldn’t have been nine minutes, which isn’t that long when you have a commercial in the middle. It doesn’t help that we have seen Rey vs. Khali before and it was pretty terrible all things considered. Maybe they can come up with something better this time, but this could bode badly.

Post match Great Khali comes out and goes after Rey but Batista makes the save. Cole and JBL talk about how this is like David vs. Goliath, meaning Rey is going to need a slingshot and God to survive.

Overall Rating: C-. The show had a point and a focus, but that doesn’t mean it was all that interesting. The one night mini tournament was a good way to go, though it would have been nice to have a match that I actually liked watching. They did what they needed to do here, but they did it in about as boring of a way possible. On the bright side, MVP and Matt Hardy as champions could be good, so at least there is something here.

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ECW on Sci Fi
Date: August 28, 2007
Location: Times Union Center, Albany, New York
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

Summerslam has come and gone and since ECW doesn’t mean much in the grand scheme of WWE, there is only one match of note. In this case, that would be John Morrison retaining his ECW World Title over CM Punk (again). That means Morrison needs a new challenger and we’re getting another #1 contenders match. Let’s get to it.

Here is Summerslam if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here is John Morrison (in slow motion) to brag about retaining the ECW World Title. At Summerslam, he united the people and created CM Punk’s new reality when he beat Punk again. Since there is a four way tonight to crown a new #1 contender, let’s look at the four men who want to join the Palace of Wisdom. There is the Boogeyman, who is coming to get him, but Morrison is beyond good and evil and it takes more than worms to scare him.

Then we have the Miz, who says he is a chick magnet, but actions speak louder than words. Hoorah. Third is Big Daddy V, and let’s hope he doesn’t win for the sake of humanity. Finally there is CM Punk, and come on already. Let’s take a look at his straightedge lifestyle. Punk doesn’t do anything, which seems to include winning titles. Oh but he does get tattoos. Imagine if he got a tattoo for every time Morrison beat him! None of the four are going to beat Morrison anyway so it doesn’t matter.

Stevie Richards vs. Kevin Thorn

Richards has had Thorn’s number as of late and Thorn is about to snap. Thorn pounds on Richards to start and stomps him down in the corner as the anger comes out. A beal sends Richards flying again and a comeback is cut off with a drop across the corner. Richards’ throat is dropped across the ropes and Thorn drives him hard into the barricade. The Razor’s Edge is countered so Thorn clotheslines him down to stay on the throat. Richards starts kicking away for two of his own and a rollup is good for the same. That’s enough for Thorn, who hits a torture rack backbreaker and the Original Sin finishes Richards off.

Rating: C-. This was little more than a squash, but it was also disappointing. Richards had gotten a small push in the last few weeks and then he just loses here. Thorn isn’t exactly an exciting option for a heel and I’m not sure how far he is going to be able to go even with this story over. Richards didn’t have the brightest future, but I was more interested in his winning streak than anything Thorn is probably doing.

Video on the Boogeyman.

Balls Mahoney runs into the Miz and Extreme Expose. Miz was shocked Mahoney won last week, but Kelly Kelly doesn’t seem thrilled. They even cut her off from saying anything, leaving Brook and Layla to call Mahoney a loser. The four of them go to leave, with Kelly wishing Mahoney luck.

John Morrison is in Armando Estrada’s office to find out who is going to be the new #1 contender. CM Punk pops in, with Morrison saying he wants another title shot handed to him. Punk says he’ll earn it, without having to put his feet on the ropes like Morrison did at Summerslam. Violence is teased, but Punk eats cantaloupe instead. Morrison: “That guy has got some serious daddy issues.”

Balls Mahoney vs. Elijah Burke

Miz and Extreme Expose are at ringside. Burke jumps Mahoney to start, earning himself some shots to the face. The comeback has Kelly Kelly up and cheering, which doesn’t sit well with everyone else. Some more shots to the face put Mahoney down for two but the fans are behind him anyway.

The headstand elbow in the corner sets up a front facelock as Kelly continues to play cheerleader. An STO plants Mahoney to cut off a comeback and the chinlock is on. That’s the trigger to a comeback (of course) and Mahoney hits the Nutcracker Suite for two. Burke catches him up top with a superplex though and the Elijah Express is good for the pin.

Rating: C-. Much like the previous match, someone who won a match to start a little something loses to the bigger star, cutting off almost any interest there might have been. It also isn’t the best sign for Miz’s chances tonight if he’s involved with Mahoney here. The Kelly deal is kind of interesting, but it would be better if she hadn’t done the same thing with CM Punk last year.

Post match Miz laughs at Mahoney’s loss but Kelly Kelly checks on him before leaving.

Miz vs. CM Punk vs. Big Daddy V vs. Boogeyman

One fall to a finish and the winner gets a future ECW World Title shot. Miz is in the ring when we come back from a break, despite going to the back before the break. Matt Striker is here with V as a bonus. Everyone goes after V to start and get knocked away without much effort. V starts splashing people in the corner, with Miz being knocked outside. Boogeyman starts the comeback but gets pulled to the floor instead. Punk is thrown to the floor but V would rather chop Miz.

There’s a chop to Punk to keep things even as the pain continues. V misses a charge and falls over the barricade, leaving Miz to knee Boogeyman down. Back in and Miz hits the running clothesline for two on Punk, who comes back with a slam. The legdrop misses though and Miz grabs a fairly illogical chinlock. Punk breaks that up without much trouble and hits a running knee. The springboard clothesline gives Punk two and the GTS finishes Miz for the title shot.

Rating: D+. What a weird match. Miz vs. Punk was perfectly fine, but this wasn’t a Miz vs. Punk match. Boogeyman and V disappeared for most of the match, which wasn’t that long in the first place. I’m not sure what happened to Boogeyman there, but at least there was a reason for V to be gone. Weird match, though at least they didn’t waste time with anything but the only real choice for a winner.

Post match V slams Boogeyman on the floor and stares at Punk, who gets out before he being crushed.

Overall Rating: C-. This wasn’t their strongest showing, as it was more about getting things back to normal, which meant cutting the legs off from some people who were making some headway. Punk vs. Morrison again might be boring, but who else is there to go after the title? This needs to be Punk’s big win though, as he can only take so many losses. Not a good show this week though, and that isn’t the greatest surprise given the show’s issues with lack of talent depth.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: August 27, 2007
Location: TD Banknorth Garden, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 15,135
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re done with Summerslam and the big story is that John Cena defeated Randy Orton to retain the Raw World Title. That isn’t something I would have bet on and the ending so clean was even more of a surprise. Usually that would mean the end of a feud but that isn’t how things tend to work in WWE. Let’s get to it.

Here is Summerslam if you need a recap.

We look at John Cena retaining the Raw World Title over Randy Orton in the Summerslam main event.

Here is Orton to get things going. Orton can’t believe that Cena retained the title at Summerslam but now he wants a rematch. The next time will be different because he is demanding another shot against Cena. Cue Cena, who pauses to hug his dad (uh oh) in the front row. Cena talks about how Orton is making excuses but lost last night. Orton wanted to make a statement, but now Cena has a statement of his own: THE CHAMP IS HERE!

Last night, Orton lost and Cena thinks there is someone who made his return and deserves a shot. While he can’t make matches, Cena likes the idea of defending against HHH tonight. Cue William Regal to say Cena won’t be facing either HHH or Orton, because he’ll be facing an imperial man: King Booker. Cue Booker, so Orton tries a quick RKO on Cena but gets shoved away. Orton seethes and leaves after we got to the point more quickly than usual.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Jeff Hardy

Feeling out process to start with Kennedy taking him into the corner but getting slapped in the face. Hardy claps the fans into things and gets pummeled in the corner for his efforts. Some knees to the ribs and shots to the back of the head put Hardy down again but he fires off right hands in the corner of his own. A clothesline sends Kennedy outside and Hardy hits the big dive as we take a break.

Back with Kennedy working on a bodyscissors before sending Hardy ribs first into the post. The logic continues with an abdominal stretch before Kennedy drives him back first into the corner. That’s broken up and Hardy hits a quick Whisper in the Wind for a breather. A rollup gets two and there’s the slingshot dropkick in the corner to rock Kennedy again. The Swanton only hits knees though….and here is Umaga to chase Kennedy off and superkick Hardy for the DQ.

Rating: C+. This was oddly more about punching and kicking than you might expect, which isn’t usually Hardy’s style. They were getting into more of the rhythm that these two might have been expected to have before Umaga came in to kick Hardy’s head off. That should set up the next title feud and Hardy vs. the monster is something that could work very well. I’m not sure what is next for Kennedy, but he could use something else to do.

We see some clips of HHH returning to beat King Booker last night, with JR’s mic being a bit messed up.

Vince McMahon is on his way to the ring for an announcement on Carlito’s Cabana. Mr. Kennedy comes up and Vince compliments him on his match and says watch out for that Umaga. Kennedy wishes Vince a belated birthday and Vince points out that his middle name is Kennedy as well. This seems to leave Kennedy intrigued.

It’s time for Carlito’s Cabana with Vince McMahon as the special guest. Vince comes out and pleasantries are exchanged, with Vince saying he is now fifty years old (plus twelve more) and ordering everyone here to answer to him. Cue HHH to interrupt, with the fans going rather coconuts. HHH says Vince is now seventy and needs to worry about going senile.

Worry not though, because HHH is here and he has done some extensive research. He has narrowed the mother of Vince’s son down to four women so here they are. First up we have a woman from Wrestlemania III, who a drunken Vince thought was Aretha Franklin. That would be a rather large woman named Mary, with Vince saying she sang like Aretha that night. Then it’s One Eyed Wendy, who lost her sight in one eye due to Vince, ahem, missing. HHH: “Looks like a hole in one.”

Third is….Carlito’s sister! Vince tells Carlito that they thought he was asleep, but HHH wants to know why the sister (who basically looks like a female Carlito) isn’t spitting. Finally there is someone Vince knew as Frankie but now it’s Frank. Hold on though as Frank is out due to having the wrong physical attributes.

Vince throws them all out and HHH talks about Vince being accused of running an illegal cockfighting ring. This leads to Vince listing the animals he loves, capped off by saying he loves co…and he cuts himself off. Vince leaves so Carlito yells at HHH, including spitting the apple in his face. Destruction ensues and HHH has a seat in the chair. The gag wasn’t that great, but HHH being back and being less serious is a good thing.

The Condemned is on DVD.

World’s Greatest Tag Team/Daivari vs. Paul London/Brian Kendrick/Cody Rhodes

London armbars Daivari to start and hands it off to Kendrick. That doesn’t go as well as it’s off to Haas, who gets caught in Haas’ overhead belly to belly suplex. The now blond Shelton Benjamin (that looks stupid) comes in to suplex Kendrick as well but Daivari misses an elbow. That’s enough to bring in Cody for a powerslam but Haas and Benjamin make the save. Everything breaks down and a high crossbody to Daivari gives Cody the fast pin.

Rating: C. Pretty by the book six man match here but what matters is continuing with Cody’s push. He isn’t getting any major wins or setting the world on fire but he is showing up and winning matches, which is how you make someone feel like a bigger deal. The other five guys just happened to be there, but it is better than having the same match over and over.

Post break Daivari is still in the ring but here is Cryme Tyme to interrupt his usual rant. They steal his head scarf (his “Durka Durka” according to JTG) and want $5 but Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch cut him off this time. Instead, JTG steals Cade’s hat and Cryme Tyme runs off. The hat is tossed into the crowd and chants of MONEY MONEY, YEAH YEAH are on.

Randy Orton storms into Vince McMahon’s office and demands a rematch with John Cena. Vince says not so fast, because Orton has to earn it. Orton storm off.

Maria vs. Beth Phoenix

Or not as Beth jumps her during the entrance and the big beatdown is on. Maria can’t go so no match.

Candice Michelle isn’t scared of Beth Phoenix and will face any challenge. She also isn’t scared of Snitsky, who pops up behind her. Snitsky says it is a challenge for him to limit his destruction.

Vince McMahon is ready to find out his son and thinks he’ll learn the identity next week. William Regal comes in with some information but wants Coach gone before he’ll say anything. Vince says say what it is, with Regal saying that Shane, Stephanie and Linda will be here next weeks, with attorneys. Silent glaring ensues.

King Booker vs. John Cena

Non-title and Queen Sharmell is here too. Cena backs him into the corner to start but Booker comes back with some kicks tot he face. The fisherman’s suplex drops Booker back down and the armbar goes on. Booker has to bail to the ropes to get out of the STFU and we take a break.

Back with Cena making a comeback but Booker hits a spinwheel kick to take him down. Cena has to power out of a chinlock and grabs a spinebuster to plant Booker again. The side slam gives Booker two and he puts on a top wristlock. Cena comes up again so it’s a superkick to give Booker two more. Another comeback is loaded up but Randy Orton runs in to take Cena out for the DQ.

Rating: C. This didn’t have the most drama as it was a match built around waiting on Orton to come in and jump Cena. They didn’t exactly hide what they were going for earlier today and that isn’t a bad thing. I’m not entirely wild on having Cena face Orton against after beating him clean, but it’s not like the two of them have fought forever and ever or anything.

Post match Orton and Booker beat Cena down. Orton gets all serious and rolls outside, where he grabs Cena’s dad. The Punt leaves Cena Sr. laying to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. They had a bit of a weird show here, as it wasn’t so much about the show they were running but rather the shows that they were setting up. Next week will see all of the McMahons here and that should be the sign for a big step forward in the search for Vince’s son. Other than that, we’re on the way to Unforgiven and that should be a sold Summerslam rematch show. Overall, not a great show here, but the bigger stuff seems to have been officially put on standby.

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Smackdown
Date: August 24, 2007
Location: Colonial Center, Columbia, South Carolina
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

It’s the go home show for Summerslam and the question remains who can stop Great Khali. Batista gets his chance in two days but things are not exactly looking great for him. Other than that, Vince McMahon and Jonathan Coachman continue their search for Vince’s son, meaning hijinks are likely to continue. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of the end of last week’s show, with Great Khali Clawing/head vicing Batista down again.

Opening sequence.

Here are Vince McMahon and Coach for a chat. They are continuing their investigation into Vince’s illegitimate son and the search is continuing tonight. Coach wants to look at things scientifically and asks what we know about Vince. We know that he is tall, he is powerful and he likes to make people’s lives h***. No one is like that around here…and here is Kane to interrupt. Kane smiles at Vince, who says there is no way this monster is his son. Coach: “He does appear to have your eye.”

Kane talks about how Vince was not there for him as a kid when Kane started his first fire or killed his first squirrel. That being said, all Kane wants is Finlay, which seems to please Vince. After making sure Kane doesn’t want his money, Vince makes Kane vs. Finlay for Summerslam, which works just fine.

Cue Chris Masters to say he has proof that he is Vince’s son. First of all, Kane is too ugly to be Vince’s son (that’s good for a glare from Kane), plus a photo of Masters meeting Vince when he was fifteen (Vince: “You look ten.). Masters is willing to prove himself with the Masterlock Challenge right now, with Kane agreeing. Kane is a bit too big though and Masters can’t get the hold, so he offers to put Masters in the hold himself. That just earns Masters a chokeslam and Kane leaves. Cue Chuck Palumbo, and since we have a referee and two wrestlers, Vince says ring the bell.

Chuck Palumbo vs. Chris Masters

Palumbo punches away to start and hits a clothesline to drop Masters again. Masters get sin a cheap shot and a slam, only to walk into an overhead belly to belly. Full Throttle finishes for Palumbo.

Chavo Guerrero vs. Funaki

Chavo still has Rey Mysterio’s mask, which is on a mannequin head this week. A slam and an uppercut have Funaki in early trouble but he manages a quick shot of his own. Chavo crotches him on top though and we’re back to the stomping. Funaki’s knee is wrapped around the post and Chavo cranks on it so much that the referee calls for the DQ.

Post match Chavo keeps beating Funaki down as WWE desperately tries to get us to believe that Chavo Guerrero is a threat to a returning Rey Mysterio. They’re doing everything right with the actions and violence, but it’s still Chavo Guerrero. Chavo puts the Rey mask on Funaki and crushes his leg with a chair. Fans: “CHAVO SUCKS!’’ Chavo: “REY MYSTERIO SUCKS!!!”

Rey Mysterio video.

Jamie Noble vs. Jimmy Wang Yang

For the #1 contendership to the Cruiserweight Title as we continue to protect most of the wrestlers on Summerslam. Yang kicks him down without much trouble and hits an early standing moonsault. Back up and Noble hits him in the face, setting up a waistlock to work on the ribs. That’s countered with a catapult to send Noble into the corner and a top rope hurricanrana gives Yang two. The top rope moonsault press misses though and Noble’s fireman’s carry gutbuster ends the battle of the Jung Dragons.

Post match Noble dives under the ring to find Hornswoggle but finds…no one. As Noble leaves, Hornswoggle pops out from underneath the ring.

We look at Evander Holyfield vs. Matt Hardy in a boxing match at Saturday Night’s Main Event until Holyfield got sick of MVP telling him to hurt Hardy even more.

Teddy Long doesn’t get to see Kristal in her swimsuit before tonight’s contest but here is MVP to interrupt. MVP talks about how great he is and how he could win any title. He could even win the Tag Team Titles with Teddy’s grandmother, or whoever else walks into this office. Cue Matt Hardy and arguing ensues after the announcement of the Tag Team Title match next week.

Vince McMahon and Coach come up to Chuck Palumbo, next to his motorcycle. After explaining that it’s Mr. McMahon, they talk about their love of bikes, but don’t worry because Palumbo knows who his dad is. One day his dad had a bit too much to drink and drove his bike into an 18 wheeler. Coach says they’re so sorry. Palumbo: “Not as sorry as my mom. She was driving the 18 wheeler.” Coach and Vince awkwardly leave.

Deuce N Domino vs. Eugene/Shannon Moore

Non-title and Deuce N Domino have Cherry with them. Eugene works on Deuce’s arm to start and hands it off to Shannon for the same. A Whisper in the Wind is pulled off the top though and it’s Domino getting to stomp away. That doesn’t last long as it’s back to Eugene to clean at least a few rooms. Eugene backdrops Moore onto Domino but Deuce kicks him in the face for the fast pin.

HHH is back at Summerslam.

And now, Matt Hardy and MVP play basketball. It’s first to eleven wins and yes this is non-title. Before the game, MVP brags about how good he is, misses a shot, and then dunks to make it better. MVP: “This is one I picked up when I was hanging out in the ski lodge with Kobe.” Matt finally comes out to interrupt, hits him in the head with the ball and scores, only to have Deuce N Domino come in to beat them both down.

Mark Henry vs. Brad Allen

Allen is sent into the post, powerslammed and bearhugged for the easy win.

Post match, Henry wants to know what is up with the Undertaker symbolism, like THE SAND! Undertaker’s video appears again and this time someone finds a box buried in the sand. There are a bunch of snakes inside, plus the Undertaker’s symbol. Henry is panicked.

Raw Rebound.

Michael Cole is in the ring to introduce a Summerslam bikini contest between Kristal, Torrie Wilson, Michelle McCool and Victoria. They all disrobe, Victoria dances badly and…we have a surprise entrant: South Carolina’s own Mae Young! Mae disrobes, has to be held back from disrobing further, and wins.

Jesse and Festus love barbecue, with Festus being great at grilling steak tartar. Cole calls them the Daltons, which I don’t believe has been used since they started these vignettes.

Summerslam rundown.

We see the opening vignette again, as Great Khali is still the big monster.

Batista vs. Finlay

Batista shoves him around to start, which might be due to Finlay not being able to see through the smoke from Batista’s pyro. Finlay gets in a few shots of his own to knock him outside. That means a quick posting and here is Great Khali to watch as we take a break. Back with Finlay holding him in something like a Crossface until Batista Stuns his way to freedom.

Finlay actually hits a dropkick to cut him off again but Batista fights up even faster this time. They head outside with Batista loading up the announcers’ table, only to get caught with a hanging neckbreaker on the way back in. The swinging Boss Man Slam plants Finlay again but Khali comes in for the DQ.

Rating: C. This was the usual power match with Finlay being a good villain to go after Batista. The ending was not that much of a surprise and that’s ok in this case, though having Khali come out made the ending a bit more obvious. I can get why you don’t have Batista or Finlay lose so close to Summerslam, but it wasn’t the most thrilling way to go.

Post match Khali chops Batista down but can’t get the vice grip. Instead, Batista spears him down and hammers away until Finlay makes the save. Batista fights back again and pounds on Khali again until referees break it up. Well try to at least as Batista gets away to slug Khali down again. Khali staggers away to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. I know what they were going for with this show but it was one of the weakest shows they have done in a long time. This was a bunch of low level stars having matches that didn’t have many interesting stories. There were a few minor things going on, but this was a totally skippable show, which isn’t a good way to get me to care about what is coming this weekend.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: August 20, 2007
Location: Crown Coliseum, Fayetteville, North Carolina
Commentators: Jim Ross, Tazz

It’s the go home show for Summerslam and the main event has been set for a long time now. Randy Orton attacked WWE Champion John Cena at Saturday Night’s Main Event so now we need another match set up. There are a few people with nothing else to do so they need to do something with them this week. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Randy Orton is already in the ring and Tazz is replacing Jerry Lawler after King Booker took him out last week. Orton tells us to take a good look, because this is the last time you are going to see him without the WWE Title. Last week it was the start of the beginning of the end, which sends us to Orton RKOing John Cena through an open chair on Saturday Night’s Main Event. That was so good that Orton wants to see it in slow motion and from different angles. For some reason he only gets the latter but seems pleased anyway.

That footage is going to replace Hogan slamming Andre and the Montreal Screwjob as the most played clip in WWE history. That move is going to end Cena’s reign, but Orton would understand if Cena couldn’t make it to Summerslam. Rumor has it that he isn’t even here tonight but if Cena is here, he can come forfeit the title right now. Instead, Orton gets Vince McMahon, who doesn’t want to hear about the title match because some woman is out there hiding his illegitimate child.

Today, he found out that the child is male, which means a son of superior genetics. If Vince didn’t know Orton’s dad, he would hope that his son would be someone like him. All his other two kids want his MONEY, which isn’t what Orton would be after. Vince thinks they will find out who his son is here tonight and he hopes the people welcome him. These people are all horrible and want to see Vince taken down, just because some offspring wants his money. Vince hopes his son isn’t like John Cena, who has no dignity…and Cena is in the back.

Cue Cena to the ring, where he says he hopes he isn’t Vince’s son because he would be ashamed for Vince to be his father. With Orton behind the barricade, Cena says Orton has a message of his own because he is here tonight. He’ll be at Summerslam, where he will retain the WWE Title. Vince says Cena might be lying, but if he doesn’t show up, he will be stripped of the championship.

Speaking of stripping, that might bring Vince to Cena’s mother. Vince says he spent a lot of time in new England and he very might have “done your mom”. Cena punches him in the face so Vince and Orton bail together. Hold on though as Vince isn’t going to stand for this. That’s why Cena can face Snitsky, which has Cena looking a bit nervous.. This was a long bunch of talking to set up a main event and reveal that the child is a son.

Rey Mysterio is back on Sunday.

Mickie James/Candice Michelle vs. Melina/Beth Phoenix

Hold on though as here is William Regal to say that we will have a Divas battle royal at Summerslam, with the winner facing Candice for the Women’s Title at some point in the future. Mickie and Candice get jumped before the bell and Beth gives Mickie a slingshot suplex. Melina comes in but Mickie slips over and brings in Candice to clean house (and scream a lot). Phoenix’s interference doesn’t work and Candice gets something like Kofi Kingston’s SOS to pin Melina

Post match the mini battle royal breaks out, with Beth being the last woman standing. Tazz: “She’s like a Glamazon!”

Santino Marella, with his arm in a sling, comes in to see William Regal to complain about Ron Simmons and Maria going on a date. Marella complains about Regal’s accent, saying he sounds like a “limp wristed hairdresser.” Regal tells him not to mess with the date so Marella says he’s off to get a cappuccino.

King Booker and Queen Sharmell are ready for his official crowning tonight and invite HHH to be their guest.

Vince McMahon and Coach talk about Vince’s possible son, but write off the idea of it being HHH. Val Venis pops up to say HELLO DADDY, with Coach saying it would explain Val’s other career. They keep walking, with Vince blaming Shane McMahon for a lot of his troubles over the years. Daivari comes in to call Vince papa and puts his head covering on Vince’s head. Vince scares it off and they run into Mr. Kennedy but they keep walking this time. He wants it to be someone who has great wealth…and we’ll just cut it off there.

Cody Rhodes vs. Shelton Benjamin

Charlie Haas is here with Benjamin. Cody takes him down by the arm to start but gets pulled to the mat without much effort. The chinlock with a knee in the back has Cody in more trouble but he fights up with some dropkicks. A bulldog gives Cody two and the snap jabs follow. Benjamin hits another backbreaker but the Boston crab is countered into a rollup to give Cody the pin.

Rating: C-. This didn’t have time to go very far but Cody stringing some wins together is a way to get him established with the crowd. That’s about all you can hope for with someone as generic as Rhodes still is. While that might work well for him, it is still a bit rough to see this happen to Shelton. He really did seem ready to be one of the next big things and here he is instead.

Post match Haas and Benjamin beat Cody down and leave him laying.

Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch vs. Paul London/Brian Kendrick

Non-title. Cade drives Kendrick into the corner to start and grabs a headlock. That doesn’t work very well as Kendrick is back up with a dropkick. It’s off to London for an armdrag, followed by another armdrag to Murdoch. An armbar doesn’t last long so Cade comes back in as everything breaks down. Cade and Murdoch are sent outside for the stereo dives, with Kendrick slamming head first onto the floor for a scary crash. Thankfully he seems to be ok, so here is Cryme Tyme to sell Murdoch’s hat to the crowd. The distraction lets Kendrick grab a crucifix for the pin as the hat sells for two dollars.

Rating: C+. These teams work well together as you have some talented people who know how to work well together. Losing to London and Kendrick is hardly some shocking upset and it furthers Cryme Tyme’s claim to a title shot. They’re turning this into a little something, with Cryme Tyme’s charisma certainly taking it a long way. Nice match too, which shouldn’t be a surprise.

We now go to Ron Simmons and Maria on a date at a sports bar and grill. Simmons will have CLAM chowder with his LAMB, along with some bread and JAM. Cue Santino Marella with Jillian (or Lilian, according to him) Hall and of course they’ll join them. Oh and Simmons gets a vegetable, so he’ll have YAMS.

It’s time for King Booker’s coronation, with Queen Sharmell handling the introductions. Last week, Jerry Lawler was supposed to crown him but that did not happen. Instead, Lawler announced his opponent for the Summerslam Games, Hunter Hearst Helmsley (He used his real name!). We see Lawler getting beaten down last week before Booker calls the city by the wrong name. Booker orders HHH out here right now….and it’s a guy in a bad HHH costume, complete with the fake nose (he looks like Jason Sensation as Owen Hart).

Fake HHH crowns him but Booker wants to talk to James Ross. This does not concern Tazzwell so he can leave. Booker yells at Ross over what he said last week, while losing a bit of the accent. Ross is in trouble, but he can make up for it by kissing the royal ring. That won’t happen, but Sharmell shoves his face onto it, which is enough for Booker. I was expecting more violence. And more from Fake HHH. This was something with a few ideas but they didn’t go anywhere.

Post break, Ross says it’s Game On for Booker at Summerslam.

We go back to the date, where Jillian Hall is singing Whitney Houston. Maria didn’t realize they had karaoke here, but she just brings that microphone with her. A “fan” comes up to ask for Santino Marella’s autograph on a program, which is unfortunately from the waist up because it doesn’t showcase Santino’s…uh, bulge. The fact that he is reading this from a piece of paper isn’t lost on Maria. Ron Simmons: “SHAM!”

It’s time for Carlito’s Cabana, with Umaga as the guest. Carlito gets right to the point: we’re almost to Summerslam but he doesn’t have a match. He wants the Intercontinental Title shot, but here is Mr. Kennedy to interrupt. Carlito: “Not you again.” Kennedy thinks he should get the title shot, because he has beaten Bobby Lashley, which even Umaga hasn’t done. If anyone deserves the title shot at Summerslam, it’s MR. KENNEDY (which takes quite awhile to say). Umaga thinks it takes too long and superkicks Kennedy down before wrecking the set. Cue William Regal to make Carlito vs. Kennedy for the title shot right now.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Carlito

We’re joined in progress with Carlito taking him down by the arm and pounding on the shoulder. Kennedy gets sent outside but comes back in to take Carlito down instead. The chase on the floor doesn’t go very far and it’s Carlito hammering away back inside. We hit the chinlock with a knee in Kennedy’s back but he pops up with a backdrop.

Carlito’s clothesline doesn’t even get a count because Kennedy’s shoulders aren’t down but a suplex does get one. Kennedy misses a middle rope elbow so they trade rollups with trunks for two each. Back up and Carlito kicks/hits/springboard elbows him in the face, only to miss a charge into the post. They head back outside, with Kennedy hitting a running kick to the ribs against the steps as we take a break.

We come back with Carlito being sent into the corner, setting up some boot scrapes. That doesn’t go well for Carlito, who is back up with a posting of his own. Carlito’s dropkick gets two but Kennedy catches him on top. The super Regal Roll is broken up so Carlito hits a superplex, setting up the always stupid “let’s randomly throw our legs together” for a small package and the double pin.

Rating: C-. This was long and I don’t know how dramatic the ending was. It wouldn’t have made sense to have either of them go over the other so this was about as good as it could have been. The ending didn’t help either, as it’s one of those ending that can only make sense when they are working together and that isn’t a great visual.

Post match, William Regal makes the triple threat title match. That was so fast it was almost anticlimactic.

HHH is back at Summerslam.

Back at the bar, Santino Marella threatens Ron Simmons, who calls the referee over (SAM!). As luck would have it, the waiter’s tray of food winds up on Santino, giving us Simmons’ main catchphrase. Kind of a lame ending, but Simmons has been great.

Summerslam rundown.

Vince McMahon is in the back with Melina, who apparently looks rather fetching in Divas Magazine. Snitsky comes in to say he never knew his parents, but he knows how to inflict pain. He promises to cause Cena pain and calls Vince dad.

We look back at John Cena slapping McMahon earlier.

John Cena vs. Snitsky

Non-title. Cena gets powered into the corner to start but avoids a charge. A bulldog just seems to avoid Snitsky, who kicks Cena in the head to take over again. Snitsky clotheslines him hard to the floor and there’s an elbow to cut off the comeback attempt. A double underhook crank works on both of Cena’s arms but Cena powers out. The ProtoBomb looks to set up the FU but here is Randy Orton with the RKO for the DQ.

Rating: C. It’s another match designed to be nothing more than a way to set up the finish, but Snitsky continues to look like a monster. One thing I did like here was the ending didn’t have Snitsky completely done, leaving him just enough of an out. I can’t imagine Snitsky can reach anything higher than a monster to be slayed, but at least he did well in a short match here.

Post match, Orton hits another RKO and stares at the title to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. They’re in a weird place with the Summerslam build as Cena vs. Orton is set, but the second biggest Raw match involves someone who hasn’t been around for seven months. That has left the logical but only so good Booker vs. Lawler feud, with Lawler not being around this week either. The Vince drama is enough to fill in the gap, but the red half of Summerslam is feeling very single note after this show.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Saturday Night’s Main Event #35
Date: August 18, 2007
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 16,827
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jim Ross

It’s time for the annual hour and a half long commercial for Summerslam which makes you want to watch the original run of this series again. This show has nothing advertised outside of an update on who Vince McMahon’s illegitimate child might be. The show doesn’t make a difference anyway but I’m almost worried about what is going to be on here. Let’s get to it.

Vince McMahon and Coach are in the back to recap the illegitimate child deal. Coach has been looking through the roster and thinks he has an idea of who Vince’s child is. Vince has told him about all of his dalliances (which he just has records of I guess), except for this one in Kansas City (where Coach is from), back in the 70s….when Coach was born…..and then put up for adoption. Vince thinks this is going to be a long night.

Opening sequence.

Batista/Kane vs. Great Khali/Finlay

Take two Summerslam matches, put them in a tag match. Finlay and Kane, with his taped up ribs, start things off, with Kane knocking him into the corner. It’s quickly off to Batista, who takes Finlay down by the arm. A MuscleBuster drops Finlay again and we take a break. Back with Khali working on the ribs and putting on the stomach Claw.

Kane fights up but gets kicked in the face to put him right back down. That doesn’t last long though as Finlay gets over for the tag off to Batista as everything breaks down. Khali gets tied in the ropes so here is Hornswoggle…who is launched into Khali’s chest. A double chokeslam puts Khali down and the Batista Bomb finishes Finlay.

Rating: C. Total house show style main event and that’s about as good as you’re going to get. Ultimately, the wrestling isn’t so much the point of this show as much as just seeing these wrestlers doing something to get you ready for Summerslam. They didn’t have another option for the ending either so this was about as good as it could have been done.

Vince McMahon has to know who his kid is….and then he looks in a mirror to turn him into his 80s version. Coach gets Vince out of there so Ron Simmons comes up and catchphrases at his own reflection.

MVP is very happy to see Evander Holyfield here to beat Matt Hardy in a boxing match. Holyfield does seem to know him.

Here are Coach and Vince McMahon for Illegitimate Child Corner. Since DNA tests have taken so long, it is time to find out who the child is. Coach talks about how Vince is man with urges but Vince tells him to GET ON WITH THIS. First up, Vince had a tryst in Kentucky, which brings out Eugene. Vince says that’s not possible, because he slept with a woman, not his cousin. Eugene says his Uncle Eric wanted to get into wrestling because Vince nailed his sister….and that’s enough for Vince to cut him off. Eugene: “I LOVE YOU DAD!”

Vince throws him out so Coach brings in Melina, who might have been conceived when Vince was at a Wrestlemania II after party in Los Angeles. Cue Melina, who looks rather upset. They both insist that it isn’t her, as….apparently they had, ahem, a “meeting” on the Fourth of July. Melina better hope that their meeting was, ahem, harmless, or she’s suing him for everything he has. I think he’ll be fine as Vince was in New York for Wrestlemania II, not Los Angeles.

Anyway, there’s one more person but Coach doesn’t want to bring them out. Vince insists though and the glass shatters, meaning we get that classic Vince panic. Austin thinks Vince could be his pops and he could be the fruit of his loins. The result of what came from Vince’s grapefruits if you will. Vince says there’s no chance of that, which Austin says is too bad.

They never had the chance to play catch, go to a football game, build a go kart or teach him how to water ski. Vince never even got to have that talk about the birds and the bees with him. They didn’t get to have a beer together but Vince has had enough of this. Austin thinks the easy thing would be Stunning Vince, but he would rather help him out with the grapefruits instead, meaning a bunch of low blows. Coach gets the Stunner instead and beer is consumed. Vince pulls himself up and gets a Stunner of his own. This was a few jokes until we got to the Austin/Vince moment and that’s always going to work. The search continues.

John Cena vs. Carlito

Non-title and this is the Big Apple Showdown. Cena tackles him down to start and pounds away with right hands. Carlito is sent outside but manages to pull Cena to the floor as we take a break. Back with Cena hitting the top rope Fameasser for two and the STFU makes Carlito tap in a hurry. Not enough shown to rate but this was almost a Cena squash.

Post match Randy Orton comes in and gives Cena an RKO through an open chair. Cena is out cold and Orton yells at him a lot before staring, evily.

Post break, Randy Orton says that’s just the beginning and he’ll take the WWE Title at Summerslam.

There are a bunch of women at ringside for the boxing match.

Matt Hardy vs. Evander Holyfield

Michael Buffer is here to handle the introductions, including one for MVP, in Holyfield’s corner. Matt is at least wearing headgear to prevent a bad case of destruction. We have two minute rounds and Holyfield knocks him down in about a minute. Hardy gets back up and is down again in about twenty seconds. Somehow he survives again to end the round, with MVP being very pleased. The bell rings for the second round and Holyfield doesn’t want to beat him up anymore. MVP comes in and tells Holyfield to do it, earning himself a knockout. This is about all they could have done and at least they made it fast.

CM Punk/Boogeyman vs. John Morrison/Big Daddy V

ECW actually gets the closing spot. Matt Striker is here with V and they’re moving through the entrances pretty fast. Punk and Morrison start things off with Punk rolling him up for tow. Morrison sends him throat first into the middle rope so Punk clotheslines him over the top to the floor.

We take a break and come back with Boogeyman backdropping Morrison a bit harder than he needed to but Striker’s distraction lets V come in. That means Boogeyman is thrown around this time but he does avoid a charge in the corner. It’s back to Punk with the springboard clothesline to Morrison but he’s back up with a knee to the head. Not that it matters though as Punk grabs a small package for the pin.

Rating: C-. This felt like they were running out of time and had to squeeze everyone in there while they could. I’ll take that over not having the match, though V didn’t do much here, which might be a good thing. Punk gets another boost for his title match and that was the point here.

Commentary sends us to a fast highlight video to wrap up the show.

Overall Rating: C. Keeping in mind that this was just a way to build to a pay per view, it was completely watchable. They probably could have cut this down to an hour instead of an hour and a half, but at least they covered a lot of stuff and had the Vince/Austin deal in the middle. Absolutely not a show you need to see, but it would have been completely acceptable background noise while you fold your neighbor’s towels.

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Royal Rumble 2007
Date: January 28, 2007
Location: AT&T Center, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 13,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Tazz, Michael Cole, Joey Styles, John Bradshaw Layfield

This one has had an interesting build with the Royal Rumble itself only getting a quick build a the end. That being said, this is the kind of show that doesn’t really need to have anything set up for the main event to work, so it actually works for a change. We also have Batista defending the Smackdown Title against Mr. Kennedy and John Cena defending the Raw World Title against Umaga in a Last Man Standing match. Let’s get to it.

The opening video looks at the history of the Rumble itself, including some classic winners. This year’s card gets some attention of its own.

Hardys vs. MNM

Melina is here with MNM (hence why it isn’t NM or MN) and this is about revenge after Matt Hardy destroyed Joey Mercury’s nose at Armageddon. An early Mercury distraction lets Nitro get in a cheap shot on Matt and the alternating beatdown is on in the corner. Matt isn’t having any of that and comes back to bring Jeff in. Nitro kicks him down as well but it’s an atomic drop into the legdrop between the legs to give Jeff two.

Mercury tries to come in but gets suplexed down but Nitro gets in a right hand to Matt’s jaw to take over. The cravats holds Matt in place and Mercury adds a shot to the face for two. We hit the chinlock from Mercury but he misses a middle rope elbow. That’s enough to bring Jeff back in to pick up the pace, including the Whisper in the Wind for two on Nitro. A double suplex puts Nitro down to set up the legdrop/splash combo, but the raised knees put Jeff in trouble.

The waistlock holds Jeff down and a double gutbuster makes it even worse. Nitro grabs a bodyscissors with a chinlock before switching to a front facelock. Jeff manages to fight over, but, of course, the referee doesn’t see the tag (it’s amazing how consistently inconsistent these referees can be). Back up and Jeff manages the mule kick to bring Matt in for the real house cleaning. A middle rope elbow to the back of the head gets two on Nitro as everything breaks down. The Twist of Fate hits Nitro and, with Matt driving Mercury outside, the Swanton gives Jeff the pin.

Rating: B. Pretty solid tag match here and that shouldn’t be a surprise given who was in there. They didn’t do anything overly complicated or flashy here but what mattered was they did things well enough to make it work.

Teddy Long and Jonathan Coachman are in the back to keep an eye on the Royal Rumble drawings with Kelly Kelly there to turn the tumbler. Edge comes in to mock her a bit but here’s Randy Orton to say he tossed Edge over the top last week. They both draw and Orton says “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” King Booker comes in to tell Orton to say he didn’t just say that. Eh kind of funny.

Video on Test, who lost to Bobby Lashley on ECW in a non-title match.

ECW World Title: Test vs. Bobby Lashley

Lashley is defending and this doesn’t make sense after watching ECW either. Test powers him into the corner to start so Lashley hits a spear, sending Test straight to the ropes for some safety. A t-bone suplex sends Test outside where he manages to post Lashley to take over. Back in and we hit the chickenwing, followed by an armbar to stay on the bad arm. Lashley tries to fight up for the comeback but the arm gives out on the gorilla press attempt. The TKO is countered though and an overhead belly to belly suplex sends Test flying. It’s enough to make Test walk out for the countout.

Rating: D. I’ve seen worse power matches but we just went from Lashley beating him clean on ECW to winning via countout here. I’m not sure what is next for Lashley, but this was quite the waste of time. They really can’t have Lashley pin Test twice in a week? Test has to be even remotely protected on this stage?

Lashley beats Test up again post match.

John Cena is banged up when Vince McMahon comes in to mock him for having an abdominal injury. Cena won’t vacate the title, but Vince can’t see him….as champion after tonight.

We recap Mr. Kennedy vs. Batista for the Smackdown World Title. Kennedy won a Beat The Clock Challenge to win the title shot, but he has also made Undertaker want to kill him. Kennedy has beaten a bunch of World Champions so now it’s time to become one himself.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. Mr. Kennedy

Kennedy is challenging and gets thrown down a few times to start. That’s broken up in a hurry as Kennedy grabs a rollup for two. Batista’s suplex gets two and it’s already time to head outside. Kennedy sends him back first into the steps but Batista is right back inside with some shots to the face. We go intelligent with Kennedy attacking the knee to slow Batista down. There’s a cannonball down onto the knee for two, setting up something like a reverse Figure Four.

The rope is grabbed and Kennedy’s nose was busted open somewhere in there. Another kick to the leg gets two and Kennedy grabs a half crab. Batista powers out and snaps off the spinebuster, only to bang up the knee even more. The Batista Bomb is countered with another shot to the knee, causing Batista to bump the referee. Kennedy hits a DDT a delayed two so frustration sets in. That’s enough for Kennedy to go up, only to get clotheslined out of the air. Now the Batista Bomb can retain the title.

Rating: C. This felt like a house show main event and that isn’t the worst thing. Kennedy is someone who is going to steal most of the wins he gets and it would be a bit much to believe that he is going to beat Batista in a straight match. The leg thing was fine and the match wasn’t bad, but it was the definition of the Royal Rumble throwaway title shot.

Batista poses for a good bit.

Ariel and Kevin Thorn think their Royal Rumble number is in the cards. The Leprechaun comes in and growls a lot while picking. Coach hopes it isn’t a small number and gets bitten n the ear. Then the Leprechaun meets Great Khali and runs off, leaving Khali to draw three numbers. Kelly picks up the two that Khali drops and Ron Simmons comes in for the joke.

We recap John Cena vs. Umaga. Cena gave him his first loss in a miracle win at New Year’s Revolution so now it’s a Last Man Standing match so Cena can’t escape with a win. Umaga crushed Cena’s ribs on Raw so Cena is very banged up coming in.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Umaga

Umaga, with Armando Alejandro Estrada, is challenging and this is Last Man Standing. They stare each other down to start and Cena slugs away to little avail. Instead it’s a shot to the bad ribs to put Cena down on the floor as the beating begins. Cena is sent hard into the steps and Umaga shrugs off being rammed face first into the apron. Back in and Umaga hits him with a heck of a clothesline and it’s time to bring in the steps as Cena pulls himself up.

Somehow Cena manages to pick the tosses them down onto Umaga for a nasty/scary crash. A bearhug into a belly to belly lets Umaga grab more steps, which are stood up in the corner. The running Umaga attack only hits steps though and Cena hits him in the face with the steps for a seven. Cena’s high crossbody is countered into the spinning release Rock Bottom and Umaga goes simple by sitting on his chest.

Another attempt is countered with some raised knees though and Cena plants him onto the steps for a breather. The Shuffle, with Umaga still on the steps, connects but an FU attempt collapses with both of them landing on the steps. Cena is busted open so Umaga hammers away, triggering whatever Cena calls Hulking Up. Since Umaga isn’t an 80s monster, he grabs a Samoan drop to plant Cena again. The Samoan Spike is blocked so Umaga ties him in the Tree of Woe.

The running headbutt misses though and Cena hits the top rope Fameasser. One heck of a TV monitor shot to the head gives Cena eight so he knocks Umaga outside. That’s fine with Umaga, who posts Cena hard. With Cena laid down on the ECW announcers’ table, Umaga gets a running start and splashes….well only the table actually. Umaga is back up at nine and runs Cena over again as Estrada unhooks the top rope. A charging turnbuckle shot gets countered into an FU and Cena grabs the STFU with the rope wrapped around Umaga’s throat to put him out and retain.

Rating: A-. This is a heck of a fight and an underrated Cena classic. These guys beat the fire out of each other and it was a mixture of Cena fighting with power, surviving until he had an opening and then getting smart. I liked this a lot and it’s definitely worth a look if you want to see two big, strong men fighting each other for a long time in one of the better Last Man Standing matches.

Sandman has a beer and picks one of the last two numbers. Ric Flair comes in, picks the last number, and gets hit on by Kelly Kelly. The rest of Extreme Expose comes in and dances with Flair…who leaves so the three of them can dance by themselves.

History package on the Royal Rumble.

Royal Rumble

90 second intervals with Ric Flair in at #1 (Flair was in five Rumbles and entered #1 twice, #3, #5 and #30. That is downright amazing luck) and Finlay in at #2 for a match which would only happen once in a singles match. Finlay shoulders him down to start and shrugs off some shots to the face to set up a backdrop. It’s too early to toss Flair out so he strikes away until Kenny Dykstra is in at #3. That means a double teaming on Flair but the alliance lasts all of five seconds (a long time in the Rumble) and everyone brawls again.

Matt Hardy is in at #4 to go after Dykstra before switching off to Finlay. Edge is in at #5 to pick up the pace but gets taken down in a hurry. Flair goes for some chairs for the sake of revenge but gets tossed out by Edge. Dykstra is out as well and it’s Tommy Dreamer in at #6. Matt can’t get rid of Edge and Dreamer can’t get rid of Finlay either. Sabu is in at #7 and goes for a table instead of getting inside. He finally does get in for a springboard tornado DDT to Dreamer as Gregory Helms (and his song says so) is in at #8. Helms almost eliminates Hardy and it’s Shelton Benjamin in at #9 as the ring is starting to fill up.

Hardy has to avoid being sent through the table at ringside before trying to do the same to Benjamin. Kane is in at #10 and gets rid of Dreamer and Sabu, the latter being chokeslammed through a table. With the two of them gone, we have Finlay, Hardy, Edge, Helms, Benjamin and Kane. CM Punk is in at #11 and goes after Edge to little avail thanks to a save from Finlay. King Booker is in at #12 and Helms is tossed out in a hurry. Brawling ensues and it’s Super Crazy in at #13.

Kane starts cleaning house again and Booker teases throwing Finlay out, with Finlay circling back to the middle of the ring in a smart move. Jeff Hardy is in at #14 so the Hardys get together for some shots on various people. Poetry In Motion hits Kane and it’s the Sandman in at #15. The entrance takes a good while and the cane shots about….until Booker tosses him in less than fifteen seconds. Randy Orton is in at #16 and I think we have a focal point of the match.

Rated-RKO get rid of Crazy and then toss the Hardys without much trouble. Chris Benoit is in at #17 and it’s time to German suplex a bunch of people. Rob Van Dam is in at #18 as the star power is pretty high at the moment. Van Dam kicks Booker in the face and Kane tosses him out, only to have Booker come back in and toss Kane as well. Cole: “THIS IS RIDICULOUS!” Speaking of ridiculous, Viscera is in at #19 as JBL and Cole argue about Booker coming back in to toss Kane.

Johnny Nitro is in at #20, giving us Finlay, Edge, Benjamin, Punk, Orton, Benoit, Van Dam, Viscera and Nitro. Benoit gets Benjamin about as close to out as you can but he hangs on by just part of one foot. Kevin Thorn is in at #21 and it’s more mindless brawling. Hardcore Holly is in at #22 as the ring is way too full. Everyone goes after Viscera and Shawn Michaels (the hometown boy) is in at #23 to knock Finlay out.

Everyone gets together to toss Viscera and Shawn dumps Benjamin as well. Chris Masters is in at #24 and Benoit knocks Nitro out. Chavo Guerrero is in at #25 as Benoit gets rid of Thorn. Van Dam goes up, looks around for someone to kick, and then gets back down. MVP is in at #26 and is promptly double teamed by Benoit and Michaels. Van Dam dropkicks Masters out and it’s Carlito in at #27, with Cole explaining the lucky history.

Some double teaming can’t get rid of Shawn and it’s Great Khali in at #28. Everyone gets ready for him and they are all knocked down, with only Holly being tossed. Miz is in at #29 (JBL: “Don’t worry King, I hate him too.”) and is out in about three seconds. Khali gets rid of Van Dam and Punk too, followed by Carlito and Guerrero. Shawn gets up to try Khali and is double chokeslammed down. Khali is the only one standing….and it’s the Undertaker in at #30 as the fans are WAY into it again. That leaves us with Edge, Orton, Michaels, MVP, Khali and Undertaker.

The showdown is on with Undertaker winning a slugout and clotheslining Khali out to get us down to five. Old School (one of the dumbest things you can do in the Rumble) hits MVP and he is gone too, but he hands Orton a chair to blast Undertaker. Edge teases a spear to Orton but the chair scares him off. An RKO to Shawn puts him underneath the bottom rope so it’s time to double team the busted open Undertaker. That doesn’t last long as Undertaker hits the running corner clotheslines and it’s Snake Eyes into the big boot to Edge.

Orton gets caught in the chokeslam with Edge breaking it up with a spear. Another chair shot to the head cuts Undertaker down so it’s time for the Conchairto. Shawn is back up though and backdrops Orton out, followed by a superkick to Edge to get us down to two. They’re both down so Undertaker sits up and Shawn nips up for an awesome visual as you can feel this one. Shawn hammers away in the corner but gets shoved away twice. Now it’s Undertaker’s turn to unload in the corner, setting up the upside down whip into the corner.

The big boot misses and Undertaker falls to the apron. Shawn’s running charge is cut off by an elbow and Undertaker gets back in, where Shawn catches him with a swinging neckbreaker. Cole calls them perhaps the two biggest stars in the history of WWE and I’ll ignore that one because this is pretty awesome. Undertaker lifts him out to the apron but Shawn goes up top, only to get punched in the face.

For some reason Undertaker goes up with him until Shawn knocks him back down. The top rope elbow hits Undertaker again but Sweet Chin Music is countered into a chokeslam. Shawn slips off the shoulder though and now Sweet Chin Music can connect to put both of them down. Another Sweet Chin Music is loaded up (ala how Shawn eliminated Diesel in 1996) but Undertaker ducks him to toss Shawn and win, making him the first #30 entrant to pull it off.

Rating: B-. The ending alone is enough to make this worth seeing as it’s probably the best ending ever to a Rumble. Other than that, you had a feeling where a lot of people could win and that’s one of the keys to a good Rumble. What isn’t a key to a good one is having that many people in the ring at once, which was the case multiple times here. The problem is getting to the ending, but that is some straight magic between two people who knew how to crank up the drama. You could go back and forth on the winner, but I’m a sucker for that final pairing.

Shawn looks crushed (and the fans seem to be as well) as Undertaker poses a lot to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. Much like the Rumble itself, the last part of the show (in this case the last two matches) are enough to make the show work, plus a rather good tag match and a watchable Kennedy vs. Batista match. The one part lacking is Lashley vs. Test, with all seven minutes of it being pretty bad. This was a rather good show, with a Cena vs. Umaga being an underrated classic.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Smackdown
Date: August 17, 2007
Location: Mohegan Sun Arena, Uncasville, Connecticut
Attendance: 5,500
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole

The reign of the Great Khali continues as we are nine days away from Summerslam. I’m curious to see where they are going with the rest of the card, but Khali has already massacred Batista with the Claw. With the main event set, we could use some build for a few more of the matches. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here is MVP for the first episode of his VIP Lounge talk show. MVP talks about being better than you and challenging Matt Hardy to face him in a boxing match at Madison Square Garden on Saturday Night’s Main Event. However, MVP has to back out due to his heart condition, but he has a replacement: the only four time World Heavyweight Champion, Evander Holyfield.

This brings out Matt Hardy as the show’s first guest, with Matt talking about how he has beaten MVP in arm wrestling and a wrestling match, but now MVP is running again. MVP again brings up his heart condition but Matt says it’s the lack of a heart. Matt is fine with fighting Holyfield, but MVP has a challenge for him tonight.

That would be the Masterlock Challenge, with Chris Masters and a referee coming out. Before we get started, Matt punches Masters in the face but the hold is finally put on. MVP does commentary as Matt starts blacking out and then gets in the ring to kick Matt down to cut off the comeback. The villains go to leave but come back in for the Playmaker and trash talk to Matt.

We recap Vince McMahon finding out that he has an illegitimate child on the roster.

Vince is here, in a peach colored jacket, with Coach, who has been put in charge of checking the roster to find out who Vince’s child might be. The ECW roster has been checked off the list, save for Big Daddy V. Vince thinks it’s a possibility, but wants everyone here tonight checked too.

Jesse and Festus with they could be Vince’s son. Well Jesse does, while Festus (who Jesse thinks looks like Vince) stares a lot.

Deuce N Domino vs. Major Brothers

Non-title. Domino shrugs off a wristlock to start so it’s off to Brian for some more success on the arm. There’s a double flapjack to Domino but it’s quickly off to Deuce to take over on Brett. The chinlock with a knee in the back makes it worse, setting up Domino’s neckbreaker for two. A suplex finally gets Brett out of trouble and the hot tag brings in Brian to clean house. Brian hits a spinebuster for two but misses a high crossbody. Deuce cracks him in the mouth for the pin.

Rating: C. I’m not sure if there is a tag team division at the moment but it’s nice to see another team getting the chance to crack into the title picture. Deuce N Domino have no one to fight for the belts at the moment so why not see what the Majors can do in the spot? It’s not like there is anyone else at the moment so work with what you have.

Vince McMahon and Coach are in Teddy Long’s office to offer best wishes on Teddy and Kristal’s wedding. Great Khali and Runjin Singh come in to yell about having to face Kane tonight. Teddy says get over it but Vince isn’t sure about Khali’s parentage. He seems to like the idea though and did have that one time in India.

Chuck Palumbo still likes motorcycles.

We recap Kane and Finlay attacking each other last week.

Finlay vs. Jamie Noble

Finlay powers him into the corner to start and then does it again, only to have Noble slug away. Noble manages to knock him outside but Finlay is right back in to work on the leg. A slam sends Noble’s leg into the ropes and the half crab goes on. An Indian Deathlock makes it worse….and here is Kane to go after Finlay for the DQ.

Rating: C. They didn’t have time to do much here but it was good while it lasted. Noble was little more than a comedy guy at the moment but he was able to have a good match with just about anyone. That being said, this was all about setting up Finlay vs. Kane, likely for Summerslam, and that should be a good fight.

Post match the brawl is on but here is Hornswoggle to shove Noble into Kane’s bad ribs. Kane chokeslams Noble and Finlay escapes.

Rey Mysterio is coming back at Summerslam.

Chavo Guerrero vs. Shannon Moore

Chavo still has the Rey Mysterio mask from last week. Moore gets taken down to start and charges into an elbow in the corner. A running headscissors sends Chavo outside but he is ready for the dive, instead suplexing Moore into the post. Back in and a stretch muffler keeps Moore in trouble but he pops out and is fine enough to hit a Whisper in the Wind. The Gory Bomb is countered into a sunset flip for two, only to have Chavo come back with a brainbuster for the pin.

Rating: D+. What the heck was that? I don’t know what Shannon was going for here but Chavo worked on the knee for a bit and Moore hopped up to hit a big flip off the top. I can forgive a bit of no selling but what’s the point of Chavo posting the leg and then working on it if that’s the reaction he is going to get? Not a good match, and that’s because of Moore in this case.

Post match Chavo puts the mask on Moore and gives him a frog splash to the knee.

Here is Batista for a chat. He admits that he is a little grouchy but he has had all week to stew about what happened. Last week, Great Khali crushed Ric Flair’s skull and treated him like a piece of dirt. That freak wrapped those hands around his head like a vice grip and that has never happened to Batista before. Right here and right now, he is promising himself and Flair that….and never mind as here is Khali on screen to interrupt.

Khali demonstrates what is coming for Batista at Summerslam by popping a basketball. Batista goes on a rant about how basketballs don’t hold grudges, which makes it sound like he is feuding with the ball. A ticked off Batista is a good thing but I’m not sure how well the title match is going to go.

Vince McMahon and Coach keep going over the idea of Vince being Khali’s dad, but Coach thinks Batista might have gotten his great physique from McMahon too. Vince seems to improve….and here is Big Dick Johnson dressed as a baby for some dancing. With Vince turning his back, Coach starts dancing too because he’s a goof at heart.

Mark Henry vs. Greg Cardona

Cardona goes for a waistlock to start and gets tossed down in a hurry. Henry throws him to the floor with no trouble and then stands on his head back inside. A backbreaker sets up a World’s Strongest Slam and a bearhug to give Henry the squash win. Cardona is better known as Trent Beretta, but I wonder if he was borrowing the future Zack Ryder’s real last name.

Post match Henry goes on a rant about Undertaker’s druid coming out last week and suggesting that Undertaker was coming back. We see another clip of Henry wrecking Undertaker and, just like last week, the feed is hacked to hint that Undertaker is coming back at Unforgiven. Then the gong goes off and there is a small pile of sand in the aisle. Henry picks it up, lets it fall through his fingers, and that’s it.

Torrie Wilson and Michelle McCool are going to be the bridesmaids in the wedding. Victoria comes in and is really glad that she’ll be one too, but that isn’t happening. Victoria slaps Michelle, who slaps Kenny Dykstra instead. Teddy Long makes the match for tonight.

Jimmy Wang Yang and Funaki come up to Vince McMahon to suggest they are his son. Vince says he wasn’t in Japan long, but here is Kane to laugh and call Vince dad.

Michelle McCool vs. Victoria

Kenny Dykstra is here too. Victoria yells at her to start and gets thrown to the floor for her efforts. Back in and Victoria takes her down without much trouble and rips at Michelle’s face. The top wristlock keeps Michelle in trouble as commentary talks about a bunch of celebrities weddings. Michelle comes back with some armdrags and kicks Victoria down, setting up a middle rope clothesline for the pin.

Rating: D+. The division continues to be in a weird place as they have these random setups for a match every week and then get about five minutes at most. You can only get so far on something like that and I think we’re at that point now. I’m not sure what they can do without more wrestlers or something to fight over, but that needs to be figured out.

HHH is coming back at Summerslam.

Summerslam rundown.

Vince McMahon and Coach are about to leave but here is Howard Finkel of all people to suggest he might be the son. Vince shoves him away.

Great Khali vs. Kane

Non-title, Runjin Singh is here with Khali and Kane has bad ribs. Khali goes after the ribs to start but gets knocked outside where Kane can hit an uppercut. Back in and Khali knocks him out of the air, allowing him to hammer on the ribs again. We hit a rib claw, but since that’s just putting a hand on his ribs, Kane is able to fight up and pound away in the corner. The chokeslam is countered with the Claw though and Kane finally goes down for the pin.

Rating: D. I know he can only do so much, but Khali rubbing the side of Kane’s stomach for a good chunk of the match is not exactly thrilling television. The Claw vs. choke deal at the end was just about the only thing they needed to do here but it was a rough way to get there. Khali is showing how limited he is here and that is making it hard to watch.

Post match here is Finlay to go after Kane again but Batista runs in to go after Khali. Finlay gets speared down again but Khali head vices Batista out to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. There were good and bad parts here, with Vince getting to interact with a bunch of people and that is always going to work. The rest of the show was up and down at best, with some of the matches being little better than dreadful. The good thing is that Summerslam is mostly set, but the idea of Batista vs. Khali in a big match has the potential to be a train wreck. Smackdown has been trending down since Khali won the title and that is making this show rougher every week.

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