Turning Point 2009
Date: November 15, 2009
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 1,100
Commentators: Taz, Mike Tenay

Back to Orlando for another show here, this time from just before Hogan and Bischoff arrived. AJ is champion here and the main event is against his old buddies in the form of Daniels and Joe. This is back in the period when the idea was AJ is awesome. Other than that there isn’t much going on here but the focus is definitely more on wrestling than drama, and that’s certainly a nice change of pace from today’s product. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about change and how everything goes through it. This of course transitions into a video about Hogan and then into the three way main event. Joe wants to be the best in the world and Daniels wants to prove that he’s as good as AJ. Also Desmond Wolfe has been jumping Angle so they have a match tonight.

X-Division Title: Amazing Red vs. Homicide

Red is champion here but Homicide has pinned him recently. Don West is with Red here. Oh and Homicide is in World Elite which I don’t’ think is going to matter at the end of the day. It’s still a six sided ring too which takes some time to adjust to again. Naturally things speed up quickly and they trade speed moves. Headscissors puts Homicide down but a clothesline turns Red inside out.

West is shouting LOUDLY, as in you can hear him and it’s not loud enough to be on a microphone. Red fights back and gets a seated clothesline for two. What can be described as a Swanton Bomb but falling (I think intentionally) misses and Homicide hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. Homicide goes after West which gets him nowhere. The fans chant “no me gusta” (Spanish for I don’t like you) at Homicide in a funny bit.

West playing cheerleader is a funny bit. The coaching he’s giving sounds good too so it’s not as bad as it sounds. Homicide gets a palm shot ala Abdullah the Butcher and it’s off to a modified leg lock. Homicide lets it go and shouts to someone that we can’t see. Red is sat up on the top and they slug it out a bit from there, resulting in Red sending him down. Arm drag off the top by Red which is a cool move I don’t remember seeing before. By that I mean Red jumped and caught one in the air.

DDT gets two and this is a pretty fun opener. Loud “he’s amazing” chant lasts about 3 seconds. This is the Crucial Crew I think and they’re getting very annoying. Red fires off some kicks but gets caught in a dragon screw leg whip and a Michinoku Driver for two. Gringo Killer (Vertebreaker) doesn’t work as Red takes him down and gets a standing shooting star for two.

Moonsault press is mostly caught in a cutter for a long two. West is losing his mind on these kickouts. He’s a very energetic guy to say the least and he’s having a good time out there. Homicide’s top rope rana is reversed into a sunset bomb off the top (called the Code Red. Red jumped down onto Homicide to hook it, making it look awesome) for the pin to retain. Sweet opener.

Rating: B. Good stuff here as the theory of fast paced high flying stuff is a great way to open the show. It worked fine here and West added a nice energy to this. I wouldn’t want to see it every night (West I mean) but for a one off thing here it’s fine. This is the kind of stuff you don’t see anymore in TNA: two guys getting ten minutes to go out there and have a fast paced and fun match. Sad too.

Taz and West run down the card. As in the one we already paid for. I don’t get it either.

Knockout Title/Knockout Tag Titles: Beautiful People vs. ODB/Taylor Wilde/Sarita

All titles on the line here and the non-beautiful people are champions. No word on how the titles are split up if one of the three pins a tag champion (Wilde/Sarita). You know I wonder what ODB stands for. I think I’ll see what I can come up with (and spare me the comments saying what it stands for. I know already and I need something to get me through this match). The Beautiful People here are Velvet, Lacey and Madison here. Velvet vs. Wilde to start us off but it’s off to Sarita quickly. Ok make that Department of Bacon. We’re less than a minute in and they’ve all been in already.

Headbutt to the ribs gets two for Date of Birth. Madison comes in and does the touch yourself and burn your finger thing. Instead here though she has to go over to the corner and has Velvet blow on it. I guess men and women both want to be blown by her. The delay allows Original Daniel Bryan to bring in Sarita to fight Madison. The tag champions set up a double team moonsault (belly to back release into a moonsault by Taylor) for two.

Madison takes over and it’s off to Madison. After mounting Wilde she throws on a chinlock for about 2 seconds and hammers away a bit more. The fans say Lacey can’t wrestle so we’re back off to Velvet. Octopus hold goes on for a few seconds so the announcers can make Inoki jokes. An elbow breaks the hold and it’s cold tag to Board of Directors. After a fallaway slam to Velvet everything breaks down. They triple team Operation Break Dance which fails completely. TKO ends Madison.

Rating: D. Weak match here that had no point at all being on the PPV. This is what Impact is for: six minute matches with hot women doing nothing of note for the entire match. Also, is there a reason to keep the titles on there? Oxford Dictionary of Britain doesn’t get us anywhere as champion. Angelina would be back soon which helped the division a lot. Anyway, weak match.

Wolfe says this all started with a handshake and then drilled him, which proved his point. Tonight the Wolfe will devour every scrap that remains. He knows Angle really well but Angle knows nothing about Wolfe. School is in session tonight and in Wolfe 101, Angle loses. Good night this guy was awesome.

Tag Titles: Beer Money vs. British Invasion vs. Motor City Machineguns

The Brits (Williams and Magnus) have the titles here. They’re heels and Beer Money are faces….I think. They won a match on Impact to get here. No clue on the Guns but they’re faces also. Storm vs. Magnus to start as Storm jumps him to control early. Roode comes in quickly and it’s off to Shelley. Backbreaker gets two for Roode as we get the usual solid stuff from these teams.

They chop it out but Shelley hits the floor and takes Roode’s leg out. Off to Sabin who comes in with a hilo and they speed things up a bit. Williams makes a blind tag which is rather smart when you think about it. Sabin and Williams have a nice gymnastics routine (thankfully minus the tutus) and it’s off to Shelley. The Guns get to show off which they do rather well to say the least.

Sabin comes back in and the fans chant USA. I would love Beer Money to get all fired up and say they love America more than the Guns and have it fire them up. Why can only faces be patriotic? The Brits take over on Sabin but Beer Money comes in for the save. They shout their representative names in the title of their team, only for the Guns to get a blind tag of their own.

We get a bad oral sex joke with the Brits as this breaks down just for a bit. The Guns take over and everyone beats on Magnus. Williams tries a backslide on Sabin but Shelly gets a superkick to break it up. Sliced Bread (I love that name) can’t connect as Shelly is caught in a nice superkick (why does EVERYONE use that move anymore) German suplex combo. Take that USA fans!

Beer Money takes over on the Brits now as they might as well put up a big sign saying BRITS WILL RETAIN. Maybe I’m jaded but as soon as they get beaten down this much it’s clear they’re going to get the come from behind win. And as I say that, here’s Eric Young, the leader of World Elite of which the Brits are members. Storm chases him off and Kevin Nash of all people comes out to stop Young. Ah apparently he wants the Global (now TV) Title back. Nash takes it….and hits Storm to join World Elite. In the ring a Hart Attack with a jumping back elbow instead of a clothesline and off the top ends this.

Rating: C-. Match wasn’t bad but at the same time it was kind of a mess at times. The Nash turn came off as unnecessary to put it mildly as it really didn’t add anything to the match and felt like the whole point of things rather than the match itself, as the point is supposed to be. Not bad, but a bit too sloppy for my tastes.

We recap Raven returning on Impact and throwing a fireball at Foley to join Dr. Stevie. They’re not on the show tonight or anything. We’re just wasting time here. Foley will be on Impact apparently.

Nash, holding the Global Title, says JB shouldn’t use such foul language. This is between him and Hulk apparently. Oh dear. Apparently the explanation comes Thursday if Hulk says it’s ok.

We recap Tara vs. Kong in a cage. The idea is Tara doesn’t back down from her and is debuting here. Ok then. Tara got in a good line saying she won’t be locked in there with Kong but Kong will be locked in there with her.

Tara vs. Awesome Kong

This is when Tara wore those TINY shorts and a t-shirt to start which she would remove later. The shirt, not the shorts unfortunately. There goes the shirt as I wonder how in the world Playboy turned her down, which they did. Kong takes her straight into the corner to start and they slug it out. I love those holes in the cage that TNA uses for the cameras. Splash misses by Kong and the spinning backfist goes into the cage as well.

Tara goes after the hand, proving that she’s hot as well as smart. She tries to escape but KONG SMASH, catching her in an electric chair. Kong goes up, only to get crotched. I’m not sure if that hurts or not. You pick whether I’m not sure due to a lack of gonads or an excess of fat. KONG GETS A MISSILE DROPKICK FOR TWO!!!! WOW. Kong drapes her up against the cage and rams into her back. I’d make a ramming into Tara from behind joke but that might not be PG enough.

The fans all chant for Tara as I can’t believe she’s 38 here. All Kong at the moment as she tries for a suplex. The key word there being try though as Tara counters into a DDT. Tara hammers away and gets a superkick (see what I mean about it always being used) and a dropkick for two. They both stand on the top rope, facing the cage before falling and crotching themselves on the top.

They kick away at each other with Tara falling to the mat. You can win by the traditional three ways here if I didn’t mention that. Tara tries the Widow’s Peak off the top but settles for a HUGE FREAKING POWERBOMB that only gets two. That totally should have been the finish right there. Instead Tara looks to climb out but comes back, hitting a cross body/Thesz Press to end it.

Rating: C. Pretty good match here and Tara’s awesome legs help it a lot, but I kind of wonder why this is in a cage other than for the ending bump. It’s not terrible but at the same time this was nothing great for the most part. Tara was pretty clearly winning as it was her big debut. Not bad, but nothing particularly great at all. Also this isn’t the traditional Broken theme song so it’s not as good.

Tara says she’s coming after ODB who she would beat soon.

The announcers talk about Hogan a bit and we get a video about it. Oh joy. Nothing you couldn’t guess would be in here.

Rhyno/Team 3D vs. D’Angelo Dinero/Hernandez/Matt Morgan

The Dudleys have the Japanese tag titles as usual. Apparently Pope just added himself to his team. This was when Hernandez and Morgan had been awesome about a month before and then got stuck in a weak tag team which you could argue is a story still going on today. D-Von looks like he isn’t sure if he wants chicken or beef. He and Hernandez start us off. The fans are chanting something and the crowd has kind of died here.

The opening is surprisingly slow as they seem like they’re not sure what they want to do. Shoulder block takes D-Von down and Pope tags himself in, doing something a bit heelish. A shoulder of his own gets two. I’d hope it was of his own at least as it would be odd for him to use someone else’s shoulder. Ray comes in and rips up some of the Dinero Bucks and gets taken down by a double leg takedown.

Ray takes over and it’s Flip Flop and Fly time. Pope comes back as these two have been in there WAY too long. Bubba Bomb puts Pope down and Ray poses a bit. Rhyno comes in for the first time and it’s off to Morgan. This is an interesting match for some reason that I can’t quite place. Rhyno gets a shoulder into the ribs in the corner but walks into a discus lariat.

Everyone comes in and Team 3D hits a reverse 3D on Pope. Pope might have taken the bullet for Hernandez but it’s not entirely clear. D-Von and Pope are legal off that somehow and now it’s off to Rhyno. The heel team keeps up their fast tagging as Ray comes in to throw on a bearhug. That doesn’t last long but Pope can’t make the tag. Would it be a sin to keep the Pope from doing what he wants to do?

Back off to D-Von who gets a headbutt/splash for two. We hit the chinlock as Pope is in a good deal of trouble here. Is there such a thing as a bad deal of trouble? Ah good I don’t have to think about it that long as the hold doesn’t last long. Rhyno comes in and the fans aren’t that keen on him. Dinero is thrown to the floor and Ray drops an elbow while shouting that he’s a bigger pimp than Pope. I’ll leave that one up to you guys.

Naturally Ray misses his backsplash which is probably a good thing. I wouldn’t want Pope pancakes. Hot tag to Morgan who cleans house, including making D-Von run away from a right hand/clothesline. Rapid fire elbows in the corner to Rhyno and a side slam gets two. Off to Hernandez who hits a slingshot double clothesline to everyone not named Bubba and/or Ray and/or Bully.

With everyone on the floor, Hernandez launches a HUGE dive over the top to take down everything in sight. How did they manage to screw this up? Back in the ring a top rope splash gets a LONG two on Rhyno. What’s Up is broken up by Pope and Morgan is back in again. He leaves just as quickly though and might have twisted his knee. I hope it’s a Hogan knee injury like at Mania 6 which is never heard from again about a minute later. Ray crotches Pope on the post, allowing D-Von to pop Hernandez with a chair. The Gore ends Supermex a second later.

Rating: C+. This was a longer match than it probably should have been but it really wasn’t that bad at all. A good term for this would be acceptable. It’s not a bad match at all but it’s nothing that was all that great. It was long enough to let everyone get in there and the big spots weren’t bad. Pretty good little match here and nothing to really complain about. And I had joke material so I’m perfectly fine with it.

Lauren (still gorgeous) is with Scott Steiner and tells him that the match is now No DQ and falls count anywhere. Steiner says it’s on Lashley’s wife, saying Lashley can’t satisfy her so she went after Scott. Lauren’s reactions to this are great.

We recap the feud and it’s more or less what I just explained. This is kind of like Roberts vs. Rude which isn’t a bad feud to draw from and it’s been over 20 years so I think it’s ok. Taz saying Steiner crossed the line made me chuckle. Shouldn’t that be grounds for a raise?

Bobby Lashley vs. Scott Steiner

I was right about the Rude/Roberts thing as Scott has Krystal’s face on his tights ala Ravishing Rick. Hey he has alliteration in his name too. This is rather interesting. The fight starts in the middle of the aisle with Lashley throwing him all over the place. Into the ring now with Lashley in full control. A clothesline and shoulder in the corner has Scott in trouble. Suplex gets two.

Spinebuster gets no cover as Bobby sets for a spear. Steiner gets a boot up but walks into a T-Bone suplex for a long two. Clothesline puts Steiner right back onto the floor. Scott FINALLY breaks the momentum with a pair of shots to the Little Boss. Make that three of them. That set of them gets two as maybe Krystal will like Scott more now. Chair goes across the back of Bobby for two.

Back in and the spinning belly to belly by Steiner gets two. Overhead belly to belly nearly breaks Bobby’s neck as is Scott’s custom. A third suplex gets two. Steiner does what he now calls the Frankensteiner but for some reason Bobby drops down to the bottom rope so it looked a bit awkward. That gets two. Steiner goes up but gets caught. Lashley drops him onto the top rope instead of slamming him down. Nice change of pace there I guess.

To the floor again and Lashley throws him into the table and pounds away. Chair to the back of Steiner and they go into the back where it’s really dark. Like Boiler Room Brawl at Summerslam 96 dark. Also we don’t have a camera there. It does make it look a bit more realistic I guess though. Apparently the camera was off so Scott could blade as he’s busted open now.

Lashley puts him through a table for two. He goes off and gets a 2×4, prompting the entire crowd to shout HO! Well they’re smart at least. Lashley charges into a well placed piece of wood. Taz asks why the wood was there and is promptly ignored. Scott chokes away with a cord and gets two off that. They fight back to what is apparently behind the set. Up to the Spanish Announce Table and Steiner rips the scaffolding apart. A piece of the pipe winds up going around the head of Lashley and we’re done. No idea what the point is of giving Steiner the win here but whatever.

Rating: C+. Pretty decent brawl here with both big monsters hammering away on each other pretty well. The ending doesn’t work for the most part as it says monster MMA fighter loses to implied attempted rapist. Not a classic or anything but it wasn’t supposed to be. Fine for what it was which I’ve been trying to cut back on saying but it fits here.

Angle says Wolfe is trying to make a statement by taking out the biggest dog in the yard. Well now he has him. The whole I don’t know you means nothing here because HE’S KURT ANGLE! Good response by Angle here: short and awesome.

We recap the Angle vs. Wolfe feud which is based on Wolfe debuting and wanting to meet Angle. The Jason Statham lookalike jumped Angle and has left him laying multiple times now. This was an awesomely built feud and thankfully the matches worked also.

Desmond Wolfe vs. Kurt Angle

They fight over a wristlock to start and the easily impressed fans chant this is wrestling. Modified crossface chickenwing by Wolfe and we hit the mat. After some arm work on the left, surprisingly enough Wolfe goes after the right arm. That’s a rare thing to say the least. Angle wakes up and snaps off a suplex. When all else fails, throw someone around. Or kick them in the face which is my preference.

Kurt’s shoulder goes into the post and Wolfe goes in like a shark. I think I got my animal metaphors crossed there. Lots of mat work on the arm follows with Kurt not being able to counter into an ankle lock. Wolfe plays to the crowd, I’d assume due to rarely being in front of this many people, and gets caught in a belly to belly and some clotheslines/forearm from Kurt for two.

The American hits some Germans on the Englishman. Six in this case. Six Germans that is, not six Englishmen or six Americans. Angle Slam is countered into an arm drag and lariat for a close two. Tower of London misses so the Angle Slam gets its required two count. After the move that has won Angle world titles (I think) hits, Wolfe has an arm hold on maybe 15 seconds later. Now THAT is no-selling.

Ankle lock goes on but Wolfe counters into the LeBell Lock minus the crossface. Kurt rolls through into the ankle lock again but a rope is grabbed. The announcers talk about how Wolfe has scouted Angle and knows a counter to everything. I wonder how many tapes he watched to figure out that the counter to the ankle lock is to grab a rope? Angle Slam is countered into a DDT and both guys are down.

Tower of London (falling cutter off the top) gets two. Kurt gets a clothesline to break the momentum but the moonsault, say it with me, misses. A slick arm hold by Wolfe looks for the submission but Kurt backslides into a rope. They fight on the ropes and down goes Wolfe. FROG SPLASH by Kurt gets two. Ankle lock goes on for roughly the 20th time and Wolfe can’t reverse. Off to a cross armbreaker attempt but Wolfe clasps his hands. Instead Angle shifts to a side triangle choke and Wolfe taps immediately.

Rating: B+. Solid stuff here, questionable selling aside. It’s a nice change of pace to see guys get on the mat and work on each other with some psychology in there. Not as classic as it’s going to be made up to be as the ending came out of nowhere and the arm work more or less went nowhere, but still a very good match.

Joe talks about how he hasn’t caused any trouble with AJ and Daniels but rather has just shown reality to everyone. It doesn’t matter that there are two on the same page and one on the other as Joe is the one that has hurt them both before and will win tonight.

We recap the Unbreakable triple threat which I need to get to and the feud that sets up the match here. Daniels allegedly jumped AJ and left him laying. The guy would wind up being revealed as Tomko in the ultimate of a wasted opportunity. Daniels said AJ was arrogant and AJ apologized for thinking it was Daniels that jumped him, but not for being world champion. Joe jumped both of them because he could.

TNA World Title: Samoa Joe vs. AJ Styles vs. Christopher Daniels

After some big match intros we’re ready to go. We get the always annoying streamers thrown for each guy. Daniels gets the first shot in with a right hand to AJ. Joe needs to stick with the tights rather than the shorts. They don’t work on him at all really. AJ gets the clothesline/forearm in the corner and hammers on Daniels a bit also. Joe takes over with his strikes and actually chops Styles in the back which is a new one.

Joe is sent to the floor and AJ gets that dropkick of his to put Daniels down. Headlock takeover by AJ and he adds a dropkick to keep Joe on the floor in a nice move. Joe back in now and he hammers Daniels down in the corner. With AJ down the submission guy actually does some submission stuff. What a novel concept. A suplex attempt on Joe finally works as AJ probably has a hernia now.

Indian Deathlock with a facelock ala Benoit by AJ to Joe. I love that move. Joe hits the floor and it’s back to AJ vs. Daniels with the Fallen Angel in control. We get our first dual submission as AJ is put in a Boston Crab and Joe in a camel clutch at the same time. Joe, apparently in need of a snack and thinking that the fingers are hot dogs, bites the hand of Daniels to get out of it. Love people staying in character like fat boy Joe here.

Rock Bottom out of the corner kills Daniels and AJ is taken down as well. Joe gets a dropkick to AJ and lands on Daniels, giving Joe complete control. And never mind as AJ takes him down on the floor and it’s back to the two guys that can’t block out the sun. They shift positions and AJ gets a running shooting star press over the top to take out both guys. Cool move that he doesn’t use that often anymore which is what makes it cool.

Joe and AJ slug it out in the ring and here’s Daniels to make it a perfectly matches set. Poetry in Motion takes down Daniels and it’s a springboard rana to Daniels for two. The fans of course chant random things because that’s what they think they exist for. Joe gets all powerbomb happy, getting two on AJ. Various submissions including an amplified Boston Crab, an STF and a crossface don’t work either.

Daniels pops up again and gets a reverse DDT to Joe/Rock Bottom to AJ at the same time. Not bad there. Death Valley Driver gets two on AJ. AJ fights back with a neckbreaker for two as this is needing to get to another gear for the ending. Everyone back in now and they all slug it out. Pele puts Daniels down so we’re all on the mat. AJ sends Daniels to the floor and the springboard forearm gets two.

In a nice bit of psychology, AJ hits the backflip into the reverse DDT on Joe and tries it again on Daniels. Daniels counters his though and gets a Cross Rhodes (Last Rites) to AJ. Muscle Buster to Daniels as AJ saves again. Big spin kick puts Joe down but Daniels breaks up the Styles Clash. Daniels and AJ can’t get each others’ finishers so they take Joe out instead.

AJ and Daniels high five each other and go at it. Joe pops up and chops AJ to the floor and it’s a BME to Joe. AJ pops up again and hits the springboard 450 to the back of Daniels (knees to the back have to hurt REALLY FREAKING BADLY) and steals the pin on Joe to set up AJ vs. Daniels the next month at Final Resolution.

Rating: A-. Taz calls it 15 stars and that’s a bit of a stretch. It’s still a very good match and great is probably a fair term. It’s not the Unbreakable match but with that being the standard they were kind of hamstrung. Still it’s a great match with Joe being a bit less than what he was back in 2005. Good stuff though to say the least.

Overall Rating: B+. Very solid show here and a shining example of what TNA could be that could make people look at it and say “that’s an actual alternative to WWE.” Instead we’re looking at Sting vs. Hogan probably which is something I think only Sting and Hogan fans want to see. Anyway, this was a great show with some very solid wrestling in there throughout. It’s easy to watch too which helps it a lot. By that I mean it flies by, which is the sign of a good show. Check it out if you get the chance.

Breaking Point
Date: September 13, 2009
Location: Bell Centre, Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Attendance: 11,500
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Matt Striker, Todd Grisham, Jim Ross, Josh Matthews

Submission. That’s whole point of this show. Ok not really but that was the idea of some of it. WWE was I suppose trying to reach out to the MMA fans here which makes sense I guess but at the same time is annoying. The three main matches are submission matches, including Taker vs. Punk on one for the Smackdown Title.

Other than that we have Orton vs. Cena…again, for the Raw Title. The third major match is DX vs. Legacy so there we are. This show is hit or miss for most people so there we are. Let’s get to it.

Also, in case you’re wondering what the point of this review is, I’m trying to get caught up with the recent shows so I can have a point to cut off at, as in having all of 2009 forward reviewed or something like that, so expect more recent ones to start popping up.

The video more or less says what I just said to you. It should be noted that it’s only the main event matches that have the submission stipulation.

Unified Tag Titles: Big Show/Chris Jericho vs. Mark Henry/MVP

This was the feud of the month and no one with intelligence thought team Red had a chance. Jericho tried to denounce being Canadian on Raw to keep the face pop down but if I remember right Quebec wants to secede anyway, so it made the reaction better. MVP is a fair bit sloppy. Crowd is hot by the way. Fans are totally behind Big Show.

More or less this is Henry shows off his strength without actually doing anything worthwhile. Henry is likely going to be in the match for the most part. Oh dear. Ok scratch that thank goodness. Oh how I hate the Ballin Elbow. Lawler says a spear literally cut MVP in half. No King, it didn’t.

Henry comes in to make the save after a LONG time of beating on MVP. Henry cleans house and counters the Codebreaker. And of course a single right hand knocks him out for about 25 seconds so Jericho can get the pin to retain.

Rating: D+. This was a long Raw match and just flat out not interesting. There was no way the belts would change here or anything like that and everyone knew it. That can work at times but the problem here is that the match itself has to actually be good. That simply isn’t the case here and it hurt the match really badly.

Legacy says that tonight it’s a fight and DX is over.

US Title: Kofi Kingston vs. Miz

Lillian isn’t human. That’s all there is to it. This was added to the card the day before this show which is rather cool when you think about it. No idea why it is but I thought I’d throw out something that sounds cool like that so I wouldn’t have to explain it. This is fairly recently after Miz did the AWESOME (pun intended) feud with Cena. That was too brilliant for words.

Kofi is getting beaten up here as the push of the Miz continues. Lawler and King argue about nothing in particular. This is a really slow paced match and I’m not sure how well it’s working. Miz does the intelligent thing and moves out of the way of the Boom Drop. They crank it up and do a nice pinfall reversal sequence. Miz goes for the Reality Check but Kofi counters the neckbreaker to kick the heck out of him for the pin.

Rating: B. This started slow but became a very solid match by the end. At the time it aired I wasn’t sure who was going to win which is something that hardly ever happens to me in matches. What I mean by that is this looked like a glorified squash on paper and that got switched up. I’ve always liked both of these guys and this was no exception. Very fun match with a solid ending.

Lynyrd Skynyrd did the theme song. Good to know.

We recap DX vs. Legacy. In essence, Legacy is tired of DX hogging the spotlight. In other words, Legacy is portraying Rated RKO.

DX vs. Legacy

This is submissions count anywhere. We get the obligatory Montreal reference from DX which makes sense as we’re in Montreal tonight. HHH says it was all Shawn’s fault in a rather funny bit. There are in essence no rules in this to speak of. Shawn is famous for the figure four? Since when? We’re already into the crowd so at least they’re not trying that hard to make this look like a normal match. That’s always a perk.

Shawn has DiBiase in a choke on a railing in the audience and HHH and Rhodes are back in the concourse I think. We were in the ring for all of 8 seconds in case you were wondering. They’re brawling all over the place but of course we’re heading back to the ring now. Rhodes is put onto a chair and HHH gets a Boston Crab at the same time that Shawn gets a camel clutch. Good to know. After that is broken up we get a crossface from HHH.

I’m not sure if this is a good match or not. Rhodes hooks a Gory Special of all things. The formula of this match more of less is one guy puts a hold on another and the partner makes the save. It’s ok but there’s not much to it really. HHH and DiBiase are in the ring and Rhodes and Shawn are fighting in the production area. They fight into the stands and Shawn falls from there down to a perfectly placed empty area.

Basically HHH has to fight both guys off to keep them away from Shawn. Hmm…HHH having to face very big odds and do something no other normal person could pull off? Where’s the challenge? They’re in the back and beating the tar out of HHH. The crowd reaction would suggest Shawn is up. Oh wait it’s Montreal so maybe he died or something. Never mind. He’s up. It’s back to 1-2 now though as HHH got smacked in the head and is down.

Rhodes busts out an ankle lock on Shawn. You know, the guy with a bad back that just hurt his back a few minutes ago. I can’t stand stupid wrestlers at times. So Shawn was down for maybe two minutes from FALLING OFF A BALCONY and HHH is down much longer from a garbage can shot? Good freaking night.

Shawn gets that reverse figure four that he used like twice but he’s a master off all of a sudden anyway. Rhodes just goes off on Shawn and hooks the figure four on the post. DiBiase adds in the Million Dollar Dream. And Shawn taps out with HHH crawling on the floor. Talk about an EPIC win. Match kind of sucked but kind of didn’t.

Rating: B-. I liked it, but there were a LOT of problems here. For one thing, it got to the point where it was just the same stuff happening but with different people. That’s rather boring indeed. However, VERY happy that Legacy won as they actually needed a win as opposed to DX all over again. It was good but far from great. I’ll give it the benefit of the doubt though.

Oh and amazingly enough, people still complained about DX hogging the spotlight after this match. Go figure.

Josh Matthews comes up to Randy Orton who says he wants to talk. Orton has no reaction to Legacy winning. Orton says that’s enough questions so he talks about Cena. Orton has the voice for his character down to a T, I’ll give him that much. I love the WWE Title just sitting in the background there like that’s perfectly normal.

Ad for Hell in a Cell.

Singapore Cane Match: Kane vs. Great Khali

Uh, point to the stipulations? Singh’s sideburns are alive I think. There’s a basket of canes at each corner. There’s the required duel between the sticks. Can we just push Kane as a monster heel? Please? Is it that much to ask? Khali got a world title reign and Kane doesn’t. That makes such a lack of sense I can’t even fathom it.

The fans are already chanting boring and they’re right. Naturally they don’t get it and keep going. Khali gives Kane a head massage which is apparently a vice grip or something. Khali does his other move, the chop, and that’s all he’s got. Kane gets a shot off the top with the cane and that gets two of course. A good (bad on anyone other than Khali) ends it to a BIG pop, despite Kane being 100% heel here.

Rating: F. This was awful in every sense of the word. It was short if nothing else but for the love of coconuts, give Kane something serious to do rather than just having him beat up random big men. Yes I’m a big fan of Kane.

Punk says he’s ready for Undertaker. He makes great points of course but it’s Taker so he has to lose. Punk mentions the Hardy arrest which is just freaking awesome. Dang Punk is epic. The lights go out and it’s Jimmy Yang messing with Punk. Guess what happens to his cowboy sefl.

We recap Christian vs. Regal, which more or less was Regal got beat in 10 seconds at Summerslam and then his boys beat him up. Naturally a ten second loss warrants a rematch right?

ECW Championship: Christian vs. William Regal

This is 5 days after the ECW is Leaving announcement was made so there we are. Naturally Christian gets a huge pop being the Canadian. The monsters are sent to the back. This is more of a technical match which is what Regal is a master of. This is an intense match if nothing else. The fans are as into this as they’ve been into anything all night long. Regal avoids the Killswitch three times and then gets it on the fourth. Well that was abrupt. Somehow this was ten minutes long.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t much at all. It could have been a main event on any ECW TV show and it wouldn’t have been anything special at all. This was pretty weak.

Batista is coming back to Raw to leave for Smackdown.

Pat Patterson comes out for no apparent reason. He talks about nothing in general until Dolph Ziggler comes out. They talk, Ziggler pushes him, gay jokes abounded in the LD as Morrison came out for the save.

We recap Cena vs. Orton. They don’t like each other. The end. On the show you get a five minute version of that.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Randy Orton

Remember, this is submission only. Orton is champion here in case anyone is interested. Starting with the package, we have ten minutes go by before the opening bell. Cena starts out hot and gets in some nice throws on the reptilian one. The fans are kind of into it but I think they know they’re in for a long one here.

Orton of course gets the advantage as he is known to do. The weapons are in already and Cena is experiencing head trauma. Naturally we get a mixed reaction from the crowd because it’s Cena in Canada. The RKO onto a chair is countered because we’re 5 minutes into this. We’re on the floor and Orton is in control of course.

He puts Cena’s head on the step and stomps on it. That looked awesome to say the least. When that doesn’t work he busts out handcuffs and the key which goes around his neck. And Cena is attached to the top rope. Yep, he’s going to win anyway. So Orton unties him and puts him on the post with the cuffs over his arm. Orton proceeds to beat him in the chest and stomach with a kendo stick.

This has to be some Vince sex fantasy. There’s no other possible explanation. I don’t know if that’s makeup on his ribs or what but it looks awesome. Orton freaking KILLS Cena with a chair shot. This is freaking violent. After more chair shots and Cena being cuffed again he manages to get the key. And great, now they’re cuffed to each other. Is this a bad buddy comedy pilot or something? It still looks better than 12 Rounds.

The people are booing this, I guess because HE WAS FREKAING TORTURED AND NOW HE’S BEATING UP THE WORLD CHAMPION! Orton gets an RKO out of nowhere. And of course Cena hooks the STFU on Orton with the cuffs for the submission. Because you know, that’s perfectly reasonable right? A ton of replays and celebrating follows.

Rating: B-. I’m really not sure on this one as it became a messed up torture video halfway through. This is a match that some people are going to love and others are going to just flat out hate and I can see both perspectives. It’s not for everyone and the intensity is WAY over the top, but it played up Cena won’t quit as well as possible so there we go.

We recap Punk vs. Taker. More or less it was Taker is back and wants the title. Good to know.

Smackdown World Title: Undertaker vs. CM Punk

Taker has never surrendered so there we are. Naturally it takes forever to start because it’s an Undertaker match. And of course Punk is getting his face kicked in. Did you expect anything else? This goes on for awhile until some chair shots get us back to something resembling even.

They trade strikes and Punk actually puts him down with a solid as stone kick to the head. And there’s the Hell’s Gate for the tap out. Yeah, in the most predictable ending you could ask for, Taker gets the title back to end the show. Screw you WWE.

OR DOES HE???

Teddy Long comes out to say that the Hell’s Gate is still an illegal move and the match is still going, even though it’s a No DQ match so that rule means nothing but why should I pay attention to something stupid like that?

Anyway, Taker just beats the tar out of him and then we get the part of the match that I still shake my head at: Punk counters the Last Ride and hooks an Anaconda Vice and, say it with me, Taker doesn’t tap but the bell rings anyway. Punk stands next to the stoic Long to end the show. Care for an explanation? So would I. It never really came, so whatever right?

Rating: D+. This just wasn’t that good. The match was boring and while they did use the surprising ending, it’s still Montreal. I have far more tolerance here than in TNA though, as this isn’t an alternative to WWE or anything like that. Either way, the match sucked and not much was going to save it. Nice twist though.

Overall Rating: D. The idea is ok but in reality this just didn’t work at all. Three of the seven matches could be on any TV show and while them being title matches helped a lot, they’re still just not very good other than the US Title match which isn’t great or anything. There’s some ok stuff in here, but at the same time all of the matches being the same thing takes away from it.

I’ll go with the same example I would go with from Cole at No Way Out one year when there were two chambers: “This is such an intense match. How long has it been since you saw something like this?” About 25 minutes Michael. That’s the thing: these matches are supposed to be about being way intense and stuff like that, but when you have three inside of two hours it just doesn’t work.

There’s some ok stuff in here but by the end you just want it to be over which is never a good sign. Check it out if you’re a fan of the modern product, but overall this was a failed experiment, meaning it’ll be back this year.

Final Resolution 2009
Date: December 20, 2009
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 1,200
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz

This is the final PPV before we got to the Hogan Era and the difference is remarkable.  AJ is world champion here and the main event is him vs. Christopher Daniels for the title.  On the undercard is Angle vs. Desmond Wolfe in a 2/3 falls match which should be awesome.  Notice how the emphasis is on the older guys mixing with the younger guys in order to make the younger ones look good.  That’s called giving someone a rub which you don’t see enough of anymore.  Let’s get to it.

Also expect the TNA shows to have a lot of 2009 coming as I found every show from that year which is a big plus since it’s hard finding TNA PPVs that are complete.

We open up here with a Christmas theme set in front of the wrestlers which then turns to fire and clips of the aforementioned main feuds.  This looks like the opening video to a TV show rather than a PPV.

Tag Titles: British Invasion vs. Motor City Machine Guns

 

The idea here is that the Brits are just there and the Guns are tired of being overlooked which is a very true statement.  At least we get the Motorcity song.  The Invasion is part of World Elite and is comprised of Magnus and Doug Williams.  The ropes are red and green here which is either cool or stupid.  Not sure which.

Sabin vs. Williams to start us off here.  Williams takes him down with a wristlock and they roll around on the mat a bit.  Off to Shelley and it’s a bit more of the same.  Magnus comes in and the fourth guy works on a wristlock.  Shelley tries to jump at Magnus and it just fails.  Right back to the arm because we’ve gone a full 8 seconds without doing that.  The Guns both come in and kick away to take both members of the Brits now.

Stereo double dives from the middle rope on the inside to the Brits on the floor in an awesome spot.  Back in now with Magnus taking Shelley down and it’s off to Williams.  Technically this has been very sound so far.  Williams gets an inverted Gory Special to drive Shelley into the top turnbuckle in a cool spot.  Shelley manages to get a top rope cross body for two.

Back off to Magnus now for some double teaming.  Shelley and Williams (these Brits tag too much) have a nice technical piece and Magnus takes down Sabin to prevent the tag.  Full nelson by Magnus gets him nowhere.  A Vader Bomb by Magnus eats knees and it’s off to Sabin vs. Williams now for a nice change of pace.  Tornado DDT by Sabin gets two.

Back off to Shelley and Magnus and Shelly hits a top rope kick to the chest (think RVD) for two.  The tagging thing is more or less being more forgotten by the second here.  Sabin dives through Shelley’s legs to take Williams into the guard rail.  Sliced Bread #2 to Magnus gets a close two.  Double stomp by Shelley misses and he runs into an exploder suplex by Williams.

Everyone in now as the Guns are taken down one by one.  That would be all as far as numbers go as there are only two Guns.  Shelley and Magnus slug it out in the ring as we’re back to a standard tag format now.  Back off to Sabin again and the Guns hit a double team downward spiral/missile dropkick for two.  Rolling Chaos doesn’t work as Sabin saves Alex by hitting a Cutter on Williams.  The unnamed Skull and Bones gets two on Magnus.  Double team Sliced Bread doesn’t work and Sabin gets caught in a sweet powerbomb/European Uppercut off the top combination to end this.

Rating: B. Good stuff here as it was fast paced and the fans were into it.  For the life of me though I don’t get why they waited for so long to put the belts on the Guns as they got them due to Hall being released for being Scott Hall.  This was a good match and I was getting into it by the end, which says a lot given that I knew who was winning.

We talk about Hogan and we all know how well that’s gone for the company.  Jeff Hardy appeared there too.  Oh dear.

We run down the remaining card in case someone decided to randomly buy a PPV 20 minutes in.  Oh it’s just the main event.  Ok then.

Knockout Title: Tara vs. ODB

 

These two feuded forever around this time and I think they’re both faces.  I get to hear the Broken song so I’m a bit happier.  She still has that stupid spider though which is rather stupid and I never got the point of it.  Dang Tara is hot.  Actually ODB might be a heel here.  She’s acting a bit cowardly.  I never got the appeal to her in the slightest.  And never mind as she jumps Tara when the referee is taking the belt away.

Tara grabs a quick Tarantula and adds a leg drop for two.  They do some sloppy stuff and ODB gets a knee to the ribs.  BAD shoulder breaker by ODB gets two.  Bronco Buster doesn’t work as instead it’s a kick to Tara’s shapely chest.  Almost all ODB to this point other than a quick attack at the beginning.  Fall away slam and a nip up by ODB.  After a LONG delay she gets two.

Tara grabs the sloppiest jackknife cover of all time for two.  There’s no Impact on Thursday due to it being Christmas Eve.  There’s a New Year’s Eve show with a Knockouts Tournament apparently.  Hey TNA is having a tournament.  I’m SHOCKED.  ODB tries….something and falls on her face.  Tara slugs away and gets a flapjack for no cover.  Standing moonsault gets two.  No shake first which makes me sad.  ODB puts her in a fireman’s carry but Tara reverses into something like a sunset flip/rollup for the pin.  Wow this was bad.

Rating: D-. The ONLY thing keeping this from failing is Tara looking great.  I mean this was terrible.  They were sloppy here and ODB constantly rubbing herself doesn’t help anything.  Weak match and I couldn’t wait to get this done.  Terrible match and a great example of why the Knockouts Division was dying around this time.

Tara is happy to have won.

We get a video on Hogan coming to Impact on 1/4.  That 1.5 rating they got is the highest they’ve gotten as of this writing, in March of 2011.

Feast or Fired

 

Jay Lethal, Consequences Creed, Cody Deaner, Robert Roode, James Storm, Eric Young, Homicide, Kiyoshi, Sheik Abdul Bashir, Rob Terry, Kevin Nash, Samoa Joe

Everyone from Young to Nash is in World Elite, making up half of the lineup here.  Simple concept: four cases, one has a world title shot, one has an X Title shot, one has a tag title shot, one has a pink slip.  You pull down a case, that’s what you get.  Like I said, simple concept.  This is of course almost impossible to call as everyone is doing random stuff and it’s a big fight so far.

Lethal goes up early, only to be stopped by Kiyoshi.  The idea here is that World Elite doesn’t want Beer Money or Lethal Consequences to get a case so that the Brits don’t have to fight them.  Smart actually.  Joe hammers on Young as we hear about how experienced Homicide is in these.  Deaner almost gets up but can’t quite get there.  Apparently all of World Elite is banned from going up.  Stupid but whatever.

Deaner goes up again but gets pulled down.  This is a total mess with two people in the ring and the other nine being outside.  Bashir goes up for the third time but Deaner stops him.  They have been the only two in the ring forever now.  Sheik rakes the eyes but he falls off and it’s Lethal Consequences beating on various people.

Lethal plays defense while Creed goes up but he gets knocked off by Bashir.  Deaner challenges him for it and it falls off.  They fight for it on the floor and Bashir kicks him in the knee and clocks him with it to get case #2.  In the ring Rob Terry gets #4.  Young gets all ticked off at him as does the rest of the World Elite team.  Beer Money is like screw this and jumps them.

Beer Money double teams Nash and then Young.  I can understand them not going up there as Nash was on his feet so that makes sense.  BEER MONEY runs into Kiyoshi who doesn’t last long.  All Beer Money here as they beat the tar out of everyone.  Roode goes up but it’s Nash with the save.  He goes up and easily gets case #1.  The people that get cases leave by the way.

Joe gets in the ring for the first time as the fans are clearly behind him.  He beats on Lethal Consequences because he can but he doesn’t have as much luck with Beer Money.  Finishers all around now with Homicide hitting a top rope cutter to take down Roode.  Deaner is up now but Joe is like boy what the world do you think you’re doing and kicks him to the floor and grabs #3 to end this.

Rating: D. No idea what to really think about these matches but this wasn’t very interesting.  It’s like a battle royal but it was messed up beyond belief.  Deaner being in there way too much always hurts things.  Nothing any good here but then again these matches never were worth anything.  Boring but it sets up future storylines so I guess it has that going for it.

Angle and AJ are in the back and Angle says that Wolfe is one of the best he’s ever faced.  He implies he’s coming after AJ once he beats Wolfe.  AJ says cool but first he has to get by Daniels.  Christy was there also and good grief she was gorgeous.

Time to unveil the cases.  Remember it’s World Title, Tag Titles, X Title and being fired.  First up is Nash and he gets a tag title shot.  He and Hall would use that in like May to give the Band the tag titles after not mentioning he had the case for four and a half months.

Joe goes second and gets a World Title shot which he would cash in at Against All Odds and lose.

We do the last two at the same time.  It’s Rob Terry and Sheik Abdul Bashir if you’ve lost track.  Terry gets the X Division Title shot which he gave to Douglas Williams who won the title.  Bashir is fired and then actually left the company.  He gets the future endeavored line and the Goodbye Song as parting gifts.

Taz insists this isn’t part of the show.  Yeah the last 17 minutes for that stuff wasn’t part of the show at all.

Matt Morgan/Hernandez/D’Angelo Dinero/Suicide vs. Rhyno/Team 3D/Jesse Neal

 

This is an elimination match so think Survivor Series.  Actually for the first five minutes it’s 1 on 4 and that would be Hernandez vs. the other four.  Why is that the case?  Who freaking cares?  Apparently not TNA as they barely mention it.  Leave it to TNA to be able to screw this up.  If Hernandez loses in this five minutes it’s over but it’s just an elimination for the other guys.  Leave it to TNA to manage to screw up an elimination tag with overly complicated rules.

Neal is a total jobber at this point and just a student of Team 3D.  Hernandez is coming off a super push where he was almost world champion but was then pushed down into a tag team with Morgan just because.  Ray beats on Hernandez a bit and it’s off to Rhyno.  Why are these teams feuding?  Not necessary information.  Gore hits for two so we know Rhyno won’t last long.  Another Gore misses and a rollup makes it 1-3 which is soon to be 4-3.

Neal is sent out to get a chair but the heels just stand around while the rest of the time runs out and here are the other three.  Morgan is also in the middle of a big push which would just die when Hogan got there.  Hernandez dives out on everyone at once and we get down to regular stuff.  Suicide (Kazarian) hammers on Neal to start.  They have this whole thing backwards at this point as the faces are dominating, which is the total wrong idea in matches like these.

Not being very intelligent, Neal picks up the chair and pops Suicide with it.  Hernandez, not being very intelligent either, picks up the same chair and pops Neal with it.  So it’s a DQ if you hit someone no longer in the match?  3D takes out Suicide so it’s 2-2 now….wait why is Neal still out there?  He cracked Suicide with the chair and the referee clearly saw it.  Heck he reacted to it.  Why does this surprise me?  What the heck ever man.

It’s Dinero vs. Ray at the moment and now Neal leaves as it’s a DQ for him.  How do you make a simple DQ complicated?  Pope gets a top rope clothesline for two.  3D takes Pope out and it’s 2-1 finally.  Team 3D hammers him together for awhile which the referee doesn’t seem to have much of an issue with.  Morgan hits a double clothesline and splashes them both in the corner.

D-Von takes the corner elbows but can still save Ray from a chokeslam.  Oh and the Dudleys are the IWGP Tag Champions here.  Not that it means anything to the vast majority of wrestling fans but TNA insisted it mattered so there we are.  There hasn’t been any time during the 2-1 part where a Dudley has been on the apron.

Big boot takes out D-Von, even though the hand didn’t hit the mat the third time and they wait 15 seconds to announce his elimination.  So it’s Ray vs. Morgan now which would be a win for Ray at the moment somehow.  Ray counters the Hellevator into a DDT and it’s chair time.  Carbon Footprint into the chair ends it.

Rating: D. What the heck were they thinking here?  Was there any need for the five minute thing or for this to take up sixteen minutes or air time?  I mean dude, seriously?  It wasn’t even anything special with the two DQs and the total lack of drama as the biggest star on the other team was who, Ray?  This was boring and another example ot TNA managing to take something simple and overcomplicate it.

We recap Abyss vs. Dr. Stevie which incorporated Foley on Abyss’ side and Raven on Richards’ side.  Richards lit Abyss’ leg on fire which I don’t remember at all.

Oh wait that’s not next.  This is next.

We recap Lashley vs. Steiner.  I’m not kidding here.  They just flat out said they aired the wrong video and this is the next match.  Steiner thinks Lashley’s wife loves her or something.

Scott Steiner vs. Bobby Lashley

 

Last man standing here as Steiner had hit him with a pipe last month in their match to end Lashley’s unbeaten streak.  Kristal, the wife, is thrown out before the match.  Steiner goes after her and Bobby chases.  Bobby catches Steiner and does nothing.  Steiner drills him and we start on the floor.  Back in the ring now and it’s a T-Bone by Bobby to take over.

Dragon sleeper goes on as Steiner is in trouble.  Since Lashley lets Steiner go, that isn’t enough to end it.  Scott’s leg may be messed up here.  Out to the floor and Lashley hits him with a chair.  Steiner hits him with a pipe and down goes Lashley.  Naturally a lead pipe to the head by a huge muscle man like Steiner isn’t enough to keep him down though as he’s up at 7.

Lashley goes into the post and then the steps.  Back in the ring and Steiner gets a downward spiral from the top rope (Lashley’s feet were on it and Steiner was on the mat) for 9.  Belly to belly suplex off the top (with Bobby landing on his head and Taz making a Cole Vintage joke) gets about 8.  Steiner jumps into a suplex of his own Powerslam for Bobby gets two and a Frankensteiner gets the same.  The pipe is retrieved but Kristal comes down to steal it.  A spear and a pipe shot from Steiner end this.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t much at all as Steiner was pretty uninteresting at this point to say the least.  Lashley would be gone in a month as he became a full time MMA guy and didn’t exactly do that well at it.  Boring match here that was more or less just there.  At least this ended the feud though.  The Lashleys would turn heel on January 4^th to no one really caring.

We talk about the upcoming tag match for a bit before it happens.

Raven/Dr. Stevie vs. Mick Foley/Abyss

 

Is there a reason why we’re supposed to believe that he’s a doctor?  This is now No DQ which makes things a bit better I guess.  Yep Foley makes it anything goes.  Total mess to start where you can barely keep track of what’s going on.  Abyss beats on Stevie near the announce booth and pulls out a table.  The fan on Tenay’s desk amuses me for some reason.

Abyss wanted to powerbomb Stevie off the stage through a table but Raven makes the save with a kendo stick.  It’s broken over Abyss’ back and jabbed into various parts of his body.  Foley is nowhere to be seen.  Back at ringside Raven rams into Abyss and bites him.  This isn’t much to look at.  Abyss’ leather pants have burn holes in them.  Raven pulls out some gasoline but Foley pops up with a shopping cart full of weapons.

A barbed wire bat is rammed into both heels stomachs and a Piledriver gets two on Raven.  He and Stevie are stacked on top of each other and Abyss sits on them.  Here comes Socko but Raven throws powder into Foley’s eyes.  Abyss saves his partner and puts Stevie in the Shock Treatment while at the same time dropping a leg on Raven in a cool spot.  Abyss has his own sock.  I give up.

Stereo Mandible Claws but Raven gets a low blow and the DDT for two on Abyss.  Foley makes more or less a lasso of barbed wire and wraps it around Richards.  He sets Richards on a table and dives off the stage onto the table with an elbow.  Daffney comes out and hits Abyss with a chair but Raven saves.  Black Hole Slam ends Raven and it’s over.

Rating: C-. If you’ve seen one of these hardcore matches you’ve seen them all.  There’s nothing special about them at all for the most part as they’re all the same thing after awhile.  The big ending spot if Foley diving off and it’s treated like any other elbow drop in a match instead of a huge spot like it was.  Not bad though.

Joe says he’d win and he did.  He isn’t sure when he’s cashing in but it could be tonight.  This is to fill in time to clear the ring.

We recap Wolfe vs. Angle which is the end of the feud.  Wolfe is brand new and keeps beating on Angle but can’t quite beat him by pin or submission (he won by a referee stoppage in a street fight).  This is 2/3 falls with the first being pin only, second being submission only and third is in a cage which is escape only.

Taz and Tenay talk for too long.  Oh it’s for the cage.  I see.  So all three falls are in the cage?  That’s kind of cool actually.

Desmond Wolfe vs. Kurt Angle

 

Angle is still in a Mafia shirt even though that’s long since dead.  They have a ton of time here so they start slowly with ground work.  Angle grabs the leg and down to the mat we go.  Off to a cobra clutch by Wolfe.  Lots of technical stuff here which is pretty solid of course given who is in there.  Hammerlock by Angle and we look at some guy and his kid in the crowd for no apparent reason at all.

Multiple covers get nothing for Wolfe.  A knee drop misses for Wolfe so Angle goes after the leg.  Headlock takedown and it’s Wolfe in control.  They’re in first gear here or maybe a mild second one but it’s still entertaining.  The dueling chants have already started.  Angle fights up and gets a buckle bomb for our first big high impact move.  We’ve been at this almost 8 minutes now so you can tell this is going slowly.

Wolfe in control again with Wolfe working on the arm a bit more.  Modified cobra clutch goes on for a bit but Kurt fights back.  Overhead belly to belly but Kurt can’t get the Angle Slam.  A single arm DDT hits but Wolfe misses a big clothesline misses.  Rolling Germans go on in a set of about five or six.

Angle goes up and gets caught in the Tower of London for two.  It’s a Diamond Cutter off the top if you’re wondering.  The lariat misses again and it’s another attempt at the Tower of London but Kurt escapes and the Angle Slam gets two.  Angle tries the moonsault and, say it with me, it misses by a mile.  Clothesline hits this time and the Tower of London gets the first fall for Wolfe.  Really should have been after the clothesline.

Wolfe goes straight for the arm and Kurt is in big trouble already.  The crank that Wolfe has it on there is INSANE.  Kurt rolls out of it though and it’s time for a figure four out of nowhere.  The rope is grabbed and we’re back to the arm again.  Wolfe puts on a ton of arm holds and they’re all at least somewhat different.  Kurt reverses one of them into the ankle lock and Wolfe is in trouble.

Wolfe reverses into the LeBell Lock minus the crossface.  That gets rolled through and it’s back to the ankle lock.  This is a technical masterpiece so far.  Angle reverses ANOTHER arm hold into the ankle lock which Wolfe reverses into an ankle lock of his own.  Angle grabs something like a triangle choke which gets reversed into an arm lock again.  Triangle choke goes on but Kurt runs through it into an ankle lock again and it’s the grapevine added that ends fall 2.

Ok so it’s now escape to win it.  Oh that guy they showed earlier is Jason Williams of the Orlando Magic.  WWE is in town tonight so they’re making fun of it somehow.  Angle puts Wolfe down and goes up so they fight on the ropes a bit.  Wolfe rams the arm into the cage which is rather smart and basic.  Wolfe goes up so Kurt does the same thing to Wolfe’s leg.  I like that as it’s nice storytelling.

Wolfe knocks him off the ropes so Kurt pops up and throws him off in the running suplex.  Desmond is busted BAD.  Kurt goes up but Wolfe gets a boot up which might have hit Angle’s bad arm.  It was Wolfe’s bad leg though so everyone is down.  Desmond calls for the door to be open but Kurt makes the save again.  Wolfe taps forever but Kurt won’t let go.  Desmond passes out and Kurt climbs out.  Wolfe almost made it but couldn’t quite do it.

Rating: A. Great match here with some incredible back and forth stuff in the submission round.  I don’t tend to like matches like these but this was very fun to see.  Wolfe being left laying like that at the end was great but I would have had him stay there until Kurt had won.  Either way, great match and the whole thing worked incredibly well.  Brutal match with a clear winner, which is the point of matches like these.

Mick Foley talks about Hogan for no apparent reason.

We recap Daniels vs. AJ.  There was a masked man running around jumping AJ and he thought it was Daniels.  There was a three way match at Turning Point where AJ pinned Joe, stealing Daniels’ pin.  The idea here is that Daniels is equal to AJ but Daniels has never gotten anything out of AJ’s friendship.  In short, it’s Anderson vs. Flair.

TNA World Title: Christopher Daniels vs. AJ Styles

 

Anyone that has read my reviews knows I don’t like Daniels at all for the most part.  This is AJ before they turned him into the Flair tribute character, therefore making him awesome.  The challenger is called Daniels here but I need more names to swap in and out so there you go.  They stare each other down for awhile and then lock up with no one really having control to start.

Daniels grabs the arm when AJ is talking to the referee and takes over.  AJ tries a nip up to escape but Daniels drops down onto him in a nice counter.  Daniels stays on the arm for a good while but tries a dropkick which AJ holds the ropes for.  We speed things up now and AJ pops off an awesome dropkick to take over.

We head to the floor with AJ doing his flips and dives to take down Daniels.  Back in and a hilo sets up a discus clothesline for no cover as it’s all AJ at the moment.  Off to the chinlock and the fans chant for Angle.  Or is it Angel?  Daniels goes with those palm strikes and a monkey flip to send AJ flying.  Clothesline sends AJ to the floor but his foot gets caught on the rope and he lands on his head.

On the floor and Daniels puts AJ in a chair.  He picks up another chair and tries to swing it.  The referee stops him but when he’s not looking Daniels hits a release Rock Bottom onto the chair AJ was sitting in.  Taz asks a good question: “Does the referee think the chair just exploded?”  Back in the ring a side slam gets two as Daniels keeps up the assault on the back of AJ.

A headscissors out of nowhere puts Daniels down but it’s only for a second.  Daniels sits AJ up on the ropes facing the crowd.  He picks AJ up for something like a belly to back suplex but rotates him a bit to drop AJ back first on the turnbuckle in a sick bump for two. Moonsault “hits” and Daniels locks on a crossface minus the arm trap.  Doesn’t go on long but it looked good.  I don’t get why AJ couldn’t just put his arms down to break the pressure but what do I know?

Lionsault minus the running start misses and AJ hits a suplex to put both guys down for a bit.  AJ goes to the apron so Daniels tries a rana to the floor.  AJ just drops him down in a powerbomb which sounded awesome.  He hammers on Daniels and we go back into the ring.  AJ hits an FU into a backbreaker and the backflip into the reverse DDT for two.

Daniels is able to get something like a backdrop onto the top rope to crotch AJ.  From there Daniels steps onto the middle rope and suplexes AJ back in with a unique move.  With AJ sitting on the top rope Daniels hits a HUGE palm strike to the head.  A Frankensteiner and a Shining Wizard gets two.  The fans say someone got served in this youth language that I’m not familiar with.  Stupid young whippersnappers.  BIG knot on Daniels’ head here.

They fight over a suplex but AJ settles for a big old brainbuster instead.  There’s the springboard forearm that I always love for a long two.  Styles Clash is blocked so it’s a Pele instead.  Another attempt is blocked by a palm strike.  Another release Rock Bottom by Daniels sets up the Best Moonsault Ever for a long two.

Daniels hammers away as I think that knot on his head could take over a small country at this point.  AJ sends him chest first into the corner and rolls through into the Styles Clash for two.  Daniels gets up and puts AJ on the second turnbuckle on the inside (I had to channel Gorilla once or twice) but goes for a rana and is caught in the Clash from the middle rope to end it.

Rating: B+. Good match but it’s definitely a step or two behind the previous one.  Daniels was never a real threat here as eventually he has to win something to be classified as a real threat.  This was when AJ had a lot of meaningless matches as champion, but they were good enough that you could overlook that.  Either way, this was good but not as good as the match before it, which hurts it a bit.

Overall Rating: B-. This show suffers from what came after it.  In 15 days, Hogan showed up and all of this was tossed out the window.  They were clearly just holding down the fort at this point and while some of it was good, parts of it are utterly forgettable or just weak.  After the opener, everything until Angle vs. Wolfe is AWFUL.  It’s definitely not the worst TNA show and it’s actually good, but as far as importance goes, this means nothing at all due to Hogan and Bischoff hitting the reset button.  Good show, but the definition of not important.

Wrestlemania 25
Date: April, 5 2009
Location: Reliant Stadium, Houston, Texas
Attendance: 72,744
Commentators: Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
America The Beautiful: Some Pussycat Doll

Please keep in mind that this show was partially written live so excuse some of the in the moment emotional reactions.

Since this show literally is happening tonight, I won’t bother with any kind of a recap. We start with your standard history package that somehow never gets old to me at all.

Money In The Bank: CM Punk vs. MVP vs. Kane vs. Christian vs. Finlay vs. Mark Henry vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Shelton Benjamin

Finlay is breaking out the old school Fit Finlay shoulder pads. I’m digging it. After ten minutes of entrances, we’re underway.  As usual I’m not even going to bother trying to keep track of everything that’s going on in this as it’s going to be all over the place like it always is.

Henry and Kane clear the ring almost immediately and the fans chant for Christian.  Christian and Shelton take care of them as it’s back and forth already.  Kofi may have hurt his knee on a big jump over the ladder and a dropkick.  Henry and Kane go up but can’t get anywhere as we’re three minutes in.  An army of midcarers takes care of Henry.

Four guys go up the ladder and the big guys take them down again.  Finlay clears the ring and dives out on Kane.  Christian takes out Kane and Finlay as this is kind of all of the place.  What a shock indeed.  Henry takes out all three of them to continue the tradition.  Punk and Kofi hit stereo suicide dives.  Shelton dives off the ladder and more or less lands on his head.

Shelton may have killed himself with that stupid flip. That scared the heck out of me. Also for those interested, I just found out that the tag titles was the preshow match with the Colons winning. It’s your general spotfest so far and that’s what it’s supposed to be. Crowd is fairly hot too.

Horny busts out a stepladder which gets him nowhere at all.  Naturally a jumping midget can take out six guys.  Finlay brings out the big ladder which is required viewing anymore.  Kofi takes a good shot and is down already.  He’s taking a big beating and it’s working pretty well.
Kofi is bumping like a crazy man in this match. I’m loving him so far as he’s the highlight of the show. Kane and Henry were dominant early on but here come the smaller people. Henry is back and is setting up a ladder.  While he holds it up, Kofi runs up the side of it but falls and is caught in the World’s Strongest Slam in a sweet spot.

MVP comes in to pound of Henry which gets him nowhere again.  MVP stops Shelton, Punk stops MVP, Christian stops Punk.  Punk and Christian do a cool spot on a ladder that’s balanced from one ladder to the top rope and even though the Unprettier was botched horribly, that’s hard to blame them for.

MVP almost makes it again but Shelton makes an incredible save.  He runs up a ladder leaning against the ring then across a ladder between the rope and a ladder in the ring and then up the other ladder that MVP is on to make the last second save.  That was incredible and as usual Shelton gets the spot of the match.

The botches in this match are killing it. These matches are really hard to call. Kane, Christian and Punk are fighting on the ladders and all but Punk fall, making him the first two time MITB winner!

Rating: C+. The problem here is the botches. There were a ton this year and the winner was kind of a letdown, and remember Punk is my favorite wrestler. It was a great opener, but not a great match if that makes sense. Too many people and really just a lot of one on ones for about twenty minutes. Not bad.

Axxess recap. Would be funner to be there to watch it.

Kid Rock performs. We don’t care as this is a food break for me. He’s on his third song and the reaction is priceless. There is absolute silence here as the fans simply could not care less. He does two old songs and his new one. My lord this is a waste of time. We don’t get the tag title match but we get this? Waste of time.

He is on his fourth song now. At least All Summer Long is a decent song, but do we need to hear this now? My goodness, he’s doing another one. The divas come out to dance with him. My headache is now at the grab a hatchet level, as this is at ten minutes now. After a big pyro display, it’s time for the battle royal. Holy goodness I’m bored.

25 Diva Battle Royal

Not even going to try to call this as we don’t even get the intros here. This is a freaking joke, thank you Kid Rock. No Trish or Lita means this isn’t a legit battle royal. We don’t even have a list or a face shot of all the divas. It’s a standard battle royal and I literally couldn’t be more bored. The commentators are sucking up to Kid Rock so much that I’m about to mute this. Literally people are being eliminated and it’s the first we hear of them. This is pathetic.

Santino is in drag as this is somehow even dumber every second. Never in my life have I seen a worse Mania match, period. Final there are Melina, Beth and Santino. I knew it. Freaking Santino wins. The commentators apparently don’t realize the massive tattoo on his chest. Has wrestling really fallen this far? The SFAC is going to be proud of this, and that is completely sickening to me.

Rating: N/A. This is the worst Mania match of all time. It was designed to get a stupid comedy guy on the show, we don’t know who was in it, they got no face time, and Kid Rock is the freaking cause of it. I am officially angry about this show. Such a waste of time. I’m not rating it because there isn’t a rating low enough for it.

Chris Jericho vs. Roddy Piper/Jimmy Snuka/Ricky Steamboat

Jericho has to beat all three to win. Massive recap as we’re somehow led to believe that Rourke won’t be at the show. Yeah right. Rourke actually is here. I’m surprised. They kind of get their own intros as their musics play but they stand on the ramp instead of going to the ring. Piper gets a decent pop. He looks decent too. Considering he had cancer less than two years ago, this is amazing. Flair accompanies them.

Piper is wearing a shirt which is likely a good thing. PIPER THROWS A DROPKICK!!!  Off to Snuka who does his usual offense that gets him nowhere at all.  And there’s the Liontamer to end him.  He looked awful out there.  Piper is mind blowing here. He looks as good as he did in WCW. Now is that a compliment or not?

As I type that, he’s eliminated via Codebreaker.  This is literally 5 minutes in and it’s 1 on 1.  I know this didn’t seem like it was five minutes but that’s how slowly these guys are moving.  The old guys are getting to throw out some basic offense but it’s just leading to them being eliminated.  Steamboat skins the cat in his 50s and of course we don’t see it. HE JUMPS OVER THE TOP ROPE! This is making up for everything.

Ross talks about how Jericho is staying with the Legends like it’s surprising.  Steamboat is tearing this up and I’m wanting to stop the review to look at him go.  This is incredible stuff considering no one expected a single thing out of him.  He gets the cross body for two as Jericho is reeling.  And then he walks into the Codebreaker to end it.  That was amazing while it lasted.

Steamboat had me freaking out. Flair runs in and gets beaten up too. Of course Rourke gets in the ring and they have an impromptu boxing match. Rourke knocks him down as this is somehow dumber than it was before.

Rating: C+. Considering their ages and level of rust, this was mind blowing. Jericho had to win though. Steamboat had me on the edge of my chair. How he’s not called one of the best ever is beyond me. We’re three matches in and Steamboat has carried this. That’s a very bad sign. Let me make sure I have this straight: four hall of famers can’t beat up Jericho, but a 56 year old guy that boxed almost 15 years ago can beat him up?

In something funny, when they said go into the storm, it thundered at my house.

We get the recap talking about how Matt more or less tried to kill Jeff about three times. Of course he doesn’t prosecute him. He wrestles him. You have to love WWE.

Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy

I miss Matt’s old heel attire.  He looked like a legit monster.  Naturally they got rid of them and made him an overrated face again.  This has happened before but they made it big this time.  I don’t think people are interested in this but whatever.  Matt takes a shot with a WWE poster.  How EXTREME!  Matt takes Jeff down but Jeff gets up first.  Well of course he does.

Crowd is waking up a tad here which might be exactly what this show needs. Matt has a bit of a gut which surprises me.  Poetry in Motion with the assistance of a chair misses and here comes Matt.  He takes out Jeff’s knee and just cracks him with the chair for two.  Matt grabs a dry-vac from under the ring.  Why a dry vac is under there is beyond me but it’s WWE so I’ll just kind of go with it.

Side effect on a chair gets two.  Matt is dominating here as he bends Jeff’s back around the post.  It’s table time but there’s no D-Von around to get it.  What are we going to do???  They slug it out and neither guy goes through it.  This is intense but kind of dull at the same time if that makes sense.

Jeff gets a kendo stick to crack away at him and here come the required trashcans.  Slingshot dropkick into the can into Matt has him in big trouble.  Swanton misses and Jeff is in trouble.  Twist of Fate connect and only gets two.  Almost zero heat on the kickout either.  Matt goes for a Swanton which is blocked.  The people of Houston just avoided a huge earthquake.

Matt gets CRACKED over the head with a chair in a sick looking and sounding shot.  Jeff sets Matt on a table and then another table on top of that and splashes it and dang if he didn’t almost hit him!  Back in the ring it only gets two.  This needs to end like now.

The more successful one goes to the floor and pulls out some ladders.  Well of course he does.  Jeff misses a huge bump by setting up a huge ladder and then climbing up a regular one and jumping over the big one.  He crashes down in pain and I’m slightly entertained. Matt does a sick looking Twist of Fate on a chair to close this out.

Rating: C. This wasn’t terrible and the ending was perfect. Matt’s finisher, not Jeff’s mistake ended it. There was no way Jeff could win this and he didn’t. It wasn’t great, but it could have been far worse. Not terrible.  I just don’t think they had the intensity they wanted with this and it kind of showed through.

Legends of Mania commercial.

Orton is getting ready.

IC Title: JBL vs. Rey Mysterio

I miss the intros as I heat up my tacos. Mysterio looks like Doink the Clown. How does he manage to come up with a dumber outfit every Mania? Rey looks so ridiculous as apparently he’s the Joker. He’s also wearing bright green suspenders. Holy goodness it’s a 10 second match! WHAT ARE THEY DOING??? Rey hits the 619 and a splash and wins it?

Rating: N/A. This is officially the dumbest Mania of all time. There has to be like 40 minutes each for the last three matches.

JBL’s big announcement is that he quits, getting the pop of the night.

Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels

If this match isn’t a 5 star classic, this is officially the worst Mania of all time, end of argument. Massive recap to start of course. The entrances are of course mind blowingly sweet with Taker coming up out of darkness and Shawn coming down from the ceiling in a white chariot like an angel.  Ok that was awesome.

This just feels epic on all levels which is how it’s supposed to feel.  And here we go.  The fans pop for the bell.  Think they’re excited?  Sign a few rows back: It’s still real to me!  OH YES!  Shawn scores a few points with some chops and then runs.  Taker blocks a punch and throws Shawn over the top but Shawn catches himself.

HBK fakes a knee injury.  Now that’s just brilliant.  You know he’s never done that for Wrestlemania before!  Basically an extended feeling out process here as neither guy can get an advantage going here.  Big back drop by Taker and Shawn is in some trouble.  Elbow gets one only.  Old School gets a big ovation and Shawn is in trouble.

And so much for that as Taker misses a kick in the corner and Shawn goes for the knee.  There go the dueling chants.  Sharpshooter is blocked so Shawn uses a reverse figure four and Taker is in little trouble because he’s not going to tap.  Taker’s solution to get out of this?  Punch Shawn in the face.  You can’t beat simplicity at times.

Taker unloads on him in the corner and gets the Snake Eyes and big boot combination.  Shawn gets a bad crossface out of nowhere which sees Taker laying on his side.  Taker stands up and gets a side slam to break up the hold.  Nicely done.  Shawn kicks him in the face and Taker glares at him.  Forearm puts Taker down and we get a nip up at the same time Taker sits up.

Shawn sets for the elbow from the top but Taker sits up and Shawn is in trouble again.  He counters that but walks into Hell’s Gate as he goes for the Figure Four again.  A rope is grabbed and we head the to floor.  Apron legdrop misses and Shawn avoids trouble.  Baseball slide puts Taker down again.  Moonsault to the floor misses though and Shawn is in big trouble again.

The momentum is changing every few seconds here and it’s great stuff.  Taker hits the ropes and OH MY FREAKING GOODNESS!  Taker dove over the ropes but overrotated and slammed his freaking head into the floor!  He more or less killed a cameraman and there was a loud cracking sound.  Luckily the replay shows that it was just the camera hitting the ground which is a nice break I guess.

Wow that was insane looking though.  I was legitimately thinking they were going to have to stop it there.  That was as scary as any bump I’ve ever seen.  SOMEHOW, and I mean that literally, Taker isn’t dead.  Shawn does a semi-heel turn and tries to get the count out win.  To be fair though that might be better for Taker’s health at this point.

Taker BARELY makes it back in at nine and a half.  I was actually thinking it was over there.  There are those dueling chants again.  Superkick is caught by a BIG old chokeslam for two as the crowd explodes.  Tombstone, superkick, chokeslam.  All of those were countered in a row but Shawn gets a BIG superkick for two.  Sweet goodness I’d have bet on that one.

Shawn’s ticked off face is great.  Taker grabs him by the throat and goes for the Last Ride but Shawn gets a sunset flip.  Taker grabs him again and is like boy you’re getting drilled and hits a HUGE Last Ride for TWO.  Wow these kickouts are incredible.  Taker goes up and misses an elbow as both guys are down again.

Shawn is sent over the top but Skins the Cat.  Taker catches him AGAIN in the Tombstone and Shawn is DEAD.  Apparently DEAD doesn’t mean three though as Shawn kicks out AGAIN.  This is incredible.  Taker’s face is like NO FREAKING WAY.  Shawn counters another Tombstone attempt with a spinning DDT of all things.

Michaels somehow gets up to the top rope and hits the big elbow but both guys are down again.  Sweet Chin Music out of NOWHERE gets two.  Well of course it did.  With nothing else left from either guy they slug it out from their knees.  Shawn chops away but Taker kicks him in the face to put him down.

Tombstone is countered AGAIN and Shawn gets a boot into the jaw of Taker in the corner to buy himself some time.  Shawn goes up for a moonsault press but Taker somehow catches him and Tombstones him to death to FINALLY end this.  In-freaking-credible.  Absolutely amazing stuff and it WINS.
Rating: A+. Wrestlemania has been saved. Future edit: no it hasn’t.  Go watch this match right now as it’s the best match I have ever seen.

Draft is coming in 8 days. I’m shaking after watching that. Never before have I been on the edge of my seat for a match.

World Heavyweight Championship: Edge vs. John Cena vs. Big Show

Standard recap leading to Edge and Show coming out first. Cena’s old rap song comes on and an army of John Cenas come out. There must be 80 or so of them. They all do You Can’t See Me and then Cena’s music hits. Pretty cool visual. We get the big match indroduction which I always love. Cena gets a decent pop with boos mixed in.

Edge is champion coming in here.  We head into the triple threat formula almost immediately with various people being knocked out for awhile each.  That’s fine but it gets rather repetitive.  About five minutes pass with nothing but various one on one combinations.  That’s not terribly interesting but it’s what we’ve come to expect in these things.

Cena hits his top rope Fameasser off the top rope and down goes Show.  Off to Edge vs. Cena as I doubt Show will be in there for awhile.  Edgecution gets two.  More weak stuff here as Show is in faster than I expected him to be here.  Chavo of all people runs out to save Show and takes an FU for his troubles.

Show gets tied up in the ropes and loudly shouts GET ME OUT OF HERE!  Cena goes off on Edge as the fans aren’t really liking him.  Five Knuckle Shuffle to Edge.  Vickie gets up to save Edge but winds up getting speared onto Chavo.  Both guys go down and Show is still stuck.  Ah there he’s out.

Show goes off on them and manages to chokeslam Edge.  FU attempt on Show but he gets out and drills Cena with the punch.  Loud THANK YOU BIG SHOW chant from that.  Edge gets a running spear through Show through the barricade.  Back in the ring Cena counters the spear into the STFU.

Finally Show comes in for the save as this is actually pretty good.  Back to Show vs. Edge for awhile as JR runs through Show’s measurements again.  Show misses a Vader Bomb and here comes Cena again.  The two non-monsters suplex Show in an always cool looking spot.

Everyone trades some more finishers and Edge gets a spear for two on Cena.  Here’s your HOLY FREAKING CRAP spot of the match as Edge jumps on Show’s back with a sleeper so Cena is like screw it and picks up BOTH OF THEM AT ONCE IN THE FU!  Edge falls off and Show takes the FU.  Cena hits one on Edge onto Show for the pin and the title.  Freaking sweetness.

Rating: B-. This was better than people gave it credit for. This wasn’t supposed to be the great and mighty be all end all title match and it wasn’t. It was a way to get the title onto Cena and make him look strong. It wasn’t bad and it accomplished its purpose. I liked it, but man this would have been better if it was three matches earlier.

WM 26 is in Phoenix.

HOF Ceremony. Austin drives his ATV around and has a mini beer bash to kill time. I have no problem with this at all. It was needed to give the fans a breather and it’s not like Austin doesn’t deserve it.

Attendance is announced, but not called a record as we kill off even more time.

Massive recap video beforehand which kills the time so dead it’s scary.  They’ve hated each other since Evolution, Orton is nuts and kissed Stephanie, HHH snapped, Orton faked being insane, HHH can’t disqualified or he loses the title.
WWE Title: Randy Orton vs. HHH

In the back, HHH passes both McMahons. Orton’s entrance literally goes on nearly two and a half minutes. There’s no special ordeal or anything. He’s just walking really, really slowly. HHH’s intro is long but not as long. We get BMI. Orton gets an RKO inside of two minutes but goes for the Punt and misses. HHH is up in about a minute and hits the Pedigree. What in the world is going on here?

And remember, HHH can’t get disqualified in a match based on hate.  This is going so slow that it’s painful.  They’re moving like molasses out there for crying out loud (as I quote my inner Hayden Panitierre from Remember the Titans).  HHH has a bad shoulder now.  Orton takes over for a good while as he works on the arm.

I like the pace of this match as it’s very slow but more violent. That’s what this is supposed to be. You’re supposed to have a guy that’s completely insane and a guy that’s desperate to defend his wife’s honor. Would you expect guys to be using Greco-Roman style here?

I like the brawling stuff. Wait for it…wait for it…YES! We get an Orton chinlock! All is right with the world! This is a more physical style and while it’s not great, it’s also not awful. This match isn’t really building to anything though.  Ok I’m thinking I’m changing my mind on the pacing thing.  This needs to be FAR more brutal given the story backing it up.  It’s similar to Kane/Undertaker at Mania 14 where they were supposed to be in a war and just weren’t at all.

Orton takes him down with the backbreaker for two.  I love that dropkick that Orton has.  HHH FINALLY sends Orton to the floor to break the very long stretch of momentum he’s had.  On the floor HHH keeps teasing various weapons shots but won’t do them because of the title thing.  He sets for the Pedigree but Orton backdrops him through the announce table.

Elevated DDT hits on the floor and HHH is more or less done.  He beats the count of course and Orton mixes up his offense with various types of stomps.  Orton catches HHH coming of the top rope (WTF???) with a sick dropkick. Ref goes down and Orton hits an RKO. He gets the sledge but gets kicked leading to him getting punched beyond all reasonable measure. Pedigree and Orton is dead. Fireworks and we’re out. Well, that sums up the whole show.

Rating: F+. The ending was just a total letdown. Forget a good pace. This was a complete waste of time and had nothing good to offer at all. The ending is HHH’s revenge for his recent losses. Terrible way to close it out, absolutely terrible. Never in my life have I seen someone with a bigger ego. There is absolutely no reason whatsoever here for HHH to go over. Not a single one.

Orton was pushed to the moon recently and he gets nothing for it? Likely he’ll get the belt at Backlash or something, but this was a waste. Any credibility he has is killed. That was awful and I don’t want to see even the letter that comes after G for a long, long time. Horrible.

It’s the same issue that many recent Mania main events have had: it’s not a bad match, but there’s nothing mind blowing. It’s like they’re in safe mode or something. Orton catches HHH coming of the top rope (WTF???) with a sick dropkick. Ref goes down and Orton hits an RKO. He gets the sledge but gets kicked leading to him getting punched beyond all reasonable measure. Pedigree and Orton is dead. Fireworks and we’re out. Well, that sums up the whole show.
Overall Rating: D. This show had one good match in it. That’s all. You have a decent opener so that was ok. Then the Women’s match was absolutely a disgrace. Never in my life have I seen a dumber thing. Seriously, we get a ten minute concert of all things and then you don’t even see the older divas, in a match for NOSTALGIA get introduced? My goodness that’s a joke. Plain and simple, that was pathetic.

That was to get a weak comedy act in when it could have been something very cool. Austin could come out at the end but not come out to beat up Jericho? That would have saved that whole thing. Hardys match was just ok. Not great but could have been worse by far. IC Title was to get to JBL quitting so I don’t even call that a match. Then we have the one match: Taker and HBK was an absolute classic, hands down.

Maybe not the best ever as Steamboat and Savage was almost too incredible to ever be passed, but this was by far the best match in many years. After that, the three way was ok and the main event was just a waste.

Overall, watch Taker and HBK and if you’re out of other good matches to watch, check out MITB and the Triple Threat. Other than that, avoid this show. Is it the worst Mania of all time? It’s not due to HBK/Taker, but that’s literally the only thing keeping it ahead of 2 and 9. Terrible show.

Survival of the Fittest 2009
Date: October 10, 2009
Location: Indiana State Fairgrounds, Indianapolis, Indiana
Commentators: Dave Prazak, Chris Hero

Never let it be said that KB won’t go check out other federations. I have never watched a full ROH DVD so this is truly brand new territory for me. I do know a bit about the company so I’m not flying blind by any means. From what I understand this was just after Danielson and McGuinness announced that they were leaving so this is a shaky time for the company. Tonight is a tournament, so I’ll get to see a lot of guys for the first time. Let’s see if this place lives up to the hype.

Keep in mind: I have never seen this before so I very well won’t know a lot of backstories or characters, so I apologize in advance for that.

The ring announcer who isn’t named says that you’ll see six men qualify and then those six will have a survival match at the end of the night to crown a winner. Sounds good enough. He then introduces Jim Cornette who is I guess the GM or something. Oh he’s the Executive Producer of the TV show.

That’s coming soon by the way. Oh apparently he really is the Executive Producer. Ok then. He puts over ROH as you would expect and says that ROH gives the fans what they want. The arena is really small but it’s a glorified indy company so that’s just fine. Jim is great at this stuff so there we are.

The night before this in St. Louis Delirious had a great match with Aries. Delirious gets a bye into the finals of the tournament and if he wins he gets a rematch with Aries. Cornette is perfect for something like this as he’s so smooth and collected on a mic. Also, it caught us up a bit so there we are.

Claudio Castangoli wants to know who the greatest is and then says something in not English. It sounds German but I’m not sure. He has a box of popcorn and crushes some of it, saying that’s like his opponents. He’s very European.

House of Truth vs. Young Bucks

The Young Bucks are Generation ME from TNA now. Hero, the commentator, is in the tournament and is the defending champion of it. I think the House of Truth is comprised of Christian Abel and Josh Raymond. I have no idea if that’s what they said as their manager has a lisp. They’re heels here. The Bucks are named Matt and Nick. I’ll likely not remember those names but whatever.

The commentary is obviously recorded later as the sound is odd but that’s fine. The heels’ manager is named Truth Martini. Ok Matt and Josh start. Ok Christian is in green and Josh has hair. I think I’ve got it. I’ve seen the Bucks before and they’re awesome. No clue about the other guys but there we are. Both make tags and apparently Abel is a hooker, getting us a Lou Thesz reference to make this sound cool. Yep the Bucks like to flip a lot.

The commentary is kind of bad here as Prazak sounds like a fan doing commentary but not terrible. The turnbuckles are really big here. In something I like the crowd is noticeably dead but Raymond plays to them a bit which gets them going a bit more. The House of Truth haven’t actually won a match at this point but they’ve been successful. That’s a bit odd but whatever.

The problem with the commentary is they’re both just kind of calling moves and there’s little analysis. Some heel shenanigans change the control here. That’s such a fun word to say too. The House of Truth has some solid double team stuff if nothing else. In a nice spot, Nick backflips out of a belly to back suplex but into another which he also backflips out of.

That was nice and he gets the tag. Matt does a standing moonsault to avoid a clothesline which is something you would see in a movie. I think Peter Parker does it in Spiderman. After some bad manager interference, the Bucks hit their finisher called More Bang For Your Buck which is a rolling over the shoulder slam (Kennedy and Finlay have both used it. It’s a Fireman’s Carry but they roll forward) followed by the other guy hitting a 450 and the first guy hitting a moonsauilt. Not bad at all.

Rating: B+. VERY fun tag match here and a great way to open a show. It was fast paced and formula driven stuff but it worked very well. This was flashbacks to WCW cruiserweight openers and that’s a very good thing. If this is what the rest of the night is going to be like I’ll enjoy it a lot.

Colt Cabana, Scotty Goldman for all of two months on Smackdown, talks about Survivor which wasn’t very funny at all.

Survival of the Fittest Qualifying Match: Colt Cabana vs. Kevin Steen

Steen is named Mr. Wrestling and I’ve heard good things about him. Cabana is someone I’ve seen a bit of and I wasn’t incredibly impressed. He’s mostly a comedy guy from what I understand so there we are. He’s over as all goodness if nothing else but this is face vs. face. They actually talk before the match but Hero won’t shut up so we can’t hear it.

The fans chant SAY YOU’RE SORRY to Steen who I think is all of a sudden heel here. He’s a bit fat mind you and he apologizes with a hug, earning him a pair of spanks. I feel a comedy match coming on. Hero talks about the tournament while the fans chant for Cabana. And back to the grabbing talking.

Hero keeps making fat jokes which are rather amusing actually. This match is nowhere near as crisp as the previous match. It’s also much shorter as Steen goes up top and launches a front flip straight at Cabana’s knees, causing severe pain and Colt gets the pin.

Rating: D. This wasn’t anywhere near the opener but it wasn’t terrible either. It was sloppy which was my main thing. The comedy in it was ok and had me chuckling a bit. The good thing was they kept it short as comedy matches should be. The ending left a lot to be desired though as it just felt like an ending rather than a finish if that makes sense. Not a good match to me.

Roderick Strong says that tonight is his big opportunity. He’s been on a roll lately and won this back in 2005.

Survival of the Fittest Qualifying Match: Rhett Titus vs. Roderick Strong

Titus is a like a male stripper or something like that but he has a tiny figure. That’s my contribution to the discussion tonightThere’s no joke there. I was just bored. Strong is WAY over. Apparently a ton of people want to sleep Rhett. Ok then. According to the Code of Honor, they have to shake hands first.

Titus is wearing the stripper tie and we’re off fast. Nothing wrong with that one. Strong is working on the back, so I guess he took his psychology pill today. Strong has a decent look but it’s nothing great. They go to the floor and nearly run over the timekeeper, who is a timekeeping machine apparently.

Titus’ signature moves are known as the Muff Driver, the Taint-alizer, the Super Sex Factor or the Thrust Buster. I love this guy already. Apparently Strong is known for hitting a really quick burst of offense in a row for the end of it. Nothing wrong with that. Prazak is ignoring Hero’s jokes here which might be a good thing. Titus’ tights are REALLY small. Not complaining mind you.

Strong with some GREAT chops. These moves are freaking LOUD if nothing else so that’s a nice plus. A Falcon Arrow (suplex into a spinebuster kind of thing. Go look it up on No Mercy) gets two for Strong. We get to see the Thrust Buster, which is a Fameasser from behind. Make your own ASSer and from behind joke. A standing blockbuster, which is one of my favorite moves, gets two.

This is much better than the last match. The Super Sex Factor connects, which is an X Factor from the second match. Now we’ve reached that bad part that a lot of matches get to where it’s just spot after spot with no transition at all. That’s rarely a good sign but thankfully a Gibson Driver (double underhook into a powerbomb) ends it.

Rating: C+. Not bad but the last third of it they were dropping fast. The transition and a lot of the psychology went out the window and they were just trying to hit big moves which rarely works. It can, but it’s between few and far between. Still though, this was pretty good indeed and worked fine.

Merchandise plug, which makes a lot more sense for a much smaller company like ROH.

Survival of the Fittest Qualifying Match: Kenny King vs. Tyler Black

King is one of the finalists from Tough Enough II. Black is more or less the big name in ROH that hasn’t been world champion along with Hero. More or less they just refuse to pull the trigger on the guy and the fans seem to be getting tired of it. He looks awesome if nothing else.

And we hear about Ronnie Garvin, making this match fall apart immediately. SHUT UP ABOUT GARVIN! Ok I’m liking Black already. Apparently Hero fought him last night so he’s automatically not liking him. King is Titus’ tag partner too. They haven’t been in the ring yet and I continue my streak of bad timing with lines like that.

Black is more or less dominating but he stomps on the mat for about 20 seconds before running blindly at King. Thankfully he gets his head kicked off as he deserves. I hate things like that as it’s just completely stupid looking. A kind of F5 move hits and looked awesome. More or less he just throws them in the air instead of spinning around but the landing is the same. Love that.

King hits a sweet spinebuster for two. After a sweet move based off an F5 again from King, with him flipping the guy the other way on the landing, he gets two but the referee stopped counting a split second before Black kicked out, which made it clear that that’s not the finish. Very minor though and not something I’d hold against them.

One thing I really like here is they call moves by their more common names, such as the X Factor, the F5 and the Pele. Those are the more common names and it makes thing easier than asking the fans to remember a different name when they’re just going to call them the original name most of the time anyway. I like that. They speed things up a lot but a missed knee shot from King lets Black hit a NICE superkick for the pin.

Rating: B. This was very solid and they did a nice thing here: they took a match that looked like a total squash and made it into something fun. Not only is that hard to do, but it’s very rare. I don’t think anyone thought King was going to win, but they let him get some offense in and showcase himself. A squash doesn’t really help either guy so I really like this idea. Fun match too.

Petey Williams says he’ll be reborn in ROH.

Survival of the Fittest Qualifying Match: Petey Williams vs. Claudio Castagnoli

Claudio is freaking RIPPED. He’s announced as being VERY EUROPEAN. I love that. Williams is still doing the dumb Maple Leaf Muscle thing that got him nowhere in TNA but whatever. Claudio was trained by Honky Tonk Man. Oh dear help him. The visual here is really funny as Claudio is 6’5 and Williams is 5’7, so it’s really weird looking.

I love all the little jokes we’re getting here to old wrestlers and move names that you don’t get elsewhere. They’re doing a lot of mat stuff here but it’s actually good so I can’t complain at all. Claudio is the heel here but he’s ridiculously popular so it means nothing at all. Petey gets to use some of his highflying stuff that wasn’t allowed in TNA because he had to work slow to not show Steiner up.

He hits a jumping over the top rope thing into a Codebreaker. Nice but it’s just two. Claudio does a move called the UFO, which is a rack but he spins in a circle really fast, at one point letting his arms go and then just throws Petey to the mat. Again though it’s just two, which makes it seem far less impressive.

A Canadian uses a Russian Legsweep onto a Swiss man into an Oklahoma Roll. I love wrestling. Claudio grabs the referee to avoid a Canadian Destroyer and hits a low blow and a European uppercut to end it.

Rating: C+. Not bad but not great either. Petey got to show off a whole lot and that’s something you don’t get to see from him that often. Also here you didn’t have the whole big man vs. little man formula stuff going on and they got to play off of each other a bit. Again, very nice for a change.

Survival of the Fittest Qualifying Match: Chris Hero vs. Kenny Omega

Omega is apparently a bit odd. Hero’s finishing move of the week is a spinning elbow smash. Omega does the Kamehameha from Dragon Ball Z and has various Street Fighter names on his shirt. There’s a new commentator named Eric and that means nothing at all to me. Hero is more or less a legend of indy wrestling but I’ve never seen much of his stuff.

Some fans chant boring and far more chant shut the heck up. Still better than the crucial crew. It really is amazing to see such a totally different style than I usually see in WWE or TNA as Hero for example has so many different styles and is Punk’s age. For some reason that’s amazing to me.

Now they’re just beating the holy goodness out of each other and it’s freaking sweet. Omega has this weird striking style and it’s working for him. I don’t even think Hero is sweating. He avoids a charge and just knocks the freaking heck out of Omega with the spinning elbow.

Rating: B-. Again, Omega wasn’t going to win but they made him look good. That builds up credibility and is something WWE needs to do badly again. This was fairly long too with both guys being in control for long portions of the match. Hero is indeed good but not as great as he’s made out to be.

Briscoes vs. Austin Aries/Davey Richards

So this is a dream tag team match. Richards is a tag team champion and Aries is world champion. The Briscoes are more or less tag team gods in ROH. Actually there’s no pretty much to that. Good night those are some awesomely bad sideburns.

This is random but you have to remember that their TV show is taped about 6 weeks in advance in big long blocks of TV tapings. So therefore, what’s going to happen in say early November has already been taped, so the outcomes are already known. Apparently in this taping cycle, Austin’s chant has switched from Austin Pervert, which he makes sure the crowd knows. That’s just funny to me for some reason.

Davey has a title shot that he can cash in but his tag partner is injured so he needed Aries to help him her. The deal is he won’t cash in tonight and he has a tag partner. Ok then. The Briscoes are named Mark and Jay mind you and Mark and Davey start us off. They spend a LONG time talking about Aries defending against Ruckus in Poland. I mean they go on for probably three minutes about it.

The announcers debate which team is better. Why would you even argue that? You have two guys that aren’t partners normally and brothers who have won more tag titles than anyone. Where’s the argument here? This is a rather slow paced match but it’s a slow build and not boring at all so I can’t complain there.

Apparently the Briscoes like to drink a lot. Good to know then. The odd thing about ROH is that in their I think 7 year existence, they’ve had one two time champion: Aries. That’s very odd when you think about it. He and Davey have a competition of throwing kicks on Jay. Not bad I guess.

And yep there’s your miscommunication as Richards misses an enziguri and Austin gets kicked in the head, allowing Jay to get the hot tag to Mark. They’re keeping it basic and there’s nothing wrong with that. With one match to go we have a match and a half left. That’s quite odd indeed.

The Briscoes crank it up by throwing off some double team stuff but the Doomsday Device doesn’t get to launch. Now we’re cranking up the speed and it’s getting better. Not that it was bad earlier but this is better.

Mark and Davey do a brief strong style which works really well. I’m digging this in case you can’t tell. Aries accidentally kicks Richards in the head and just walks out, allowing the Doomsday Device to connect for the pin.

Rating: B-. This was good but not great. I’ve never been a big fan of these kinds of matches but it certainly wasn’t that bad at all. The Briscoes are good but something tells me this wasn’t their best stuff. Aries and Richards seem pretty good but I didn’t get to see enough of Aries to really know. This was good but I wouldn’t call it a dream match.

Ad for the training school. We have over fifty minutes to go heading into the final.

Survival of the Fittest Finals: Claudio Castagnoli vs. Chris Hero vs. Delirious vs. Roderick Strong vs. Colt Cabana vs. Tyler Black

Now for those of you that haven’t heard of Delirious, this guy is freaking INSANE. He babbles incoherently and has been known to wrestle matches in slow motion. What does that tell you? Oh and he’s awesome in the ring by the way. He and Punk had an AWESOME match in I think IWA-MS that got me into both guys.

The cool thing about this for me is I legitimately don’t know who is going to win. Most of the time I know the results but here I’m completely blank on them. Black sells the injury to his neck from earlier on the way in which is nice. I hope there are tags in this.

Claudio and Hero used to be in a team that dominated indy tag wrestling for awhile called the Kings of Wrestling and Delirious and Black were in the Age of the Fall together. Ah good it is tagging. Delirious, Strong and Hero have all won. Black and Delirious start, and my money is on Black to win it.

They start with a lot of technical stuff before Cabana comes in for Black. Let the comedy begins. Black is criticized for never being able to win the big one, which is a common criticism that there was for ROH. I’m not going to list off all the tags as they’re going rather fast. We get Castagnoli vs. Hero, which is a battle of the skyscrapers in ROH as both guys are 6’5, which is enormous in this company.

A thing I like about indy wrestling is you can use other stuff than signature moves in a match. For example, they trade full nelsons. That move makes sense, but in WWE no one but Masters can use it. See what I mean? Now I don’t mean everyone uses the FU or the Pedigree, but a transitional move like the spinebuster shouldn’t be only reserved for HHH and two other guys.

In a WEIRD looking spot, both guys interlock their legs and then wind up standing on their heads. They shake hands while in this position. That’s rather…uh…yeah. It’s Black and Claudio now as we’re definitely in for the long haul here. Everyone is still in at this point. Prazak is in love with Hero I think. He refuses to shut up about how awesome he is. In a PAINFUL looking spot Claudio spins Black around by the hair.

That has to hurt badly. In a great sequence that gets the crowd going, Delirious drills Claudio with about 10 clotheslines in the corner before Hero saves him. Cabana comes in and we get a mini tag match. The Kings of Wrestling are thrown to the floor and get stereo suicide dives, but then Strong and Black get in and launch themselves over the top rope at both guys. Very awesome and fast paced spot.

It’s Delirious vs. Claudio now and the crazy masked man is in trouble. In a movie I haven’t seen before, Claudio uses a hip toss from the second rope. That’s different if nothing else. I like Hero’s facial expressions. Delirious goes for a backslide on Claudio but Hero knocks the European’s head off with the elbow, allowing Delirious to get the backslide and the pin. Immediately as in less than 5 seconds later, he rolls up Cabana and we’re down to four. I’ll give this match this much: it’s not boring.

After an elbow from Hero he covers Delirious and the referee does that same thing he did earlier on with the count stopping at two even though the kickout hasn’t happened yet. We hit a messy segment and Strong hits a big kick into the chest of Delirious to put him out. Immediately after he kicks out of the elbow from Hero and a Liger Bomb.

We have Strong, Hero and Black left in case you weren’t sure. If I remember right Strong is known as the Messiah of the Backbreaker, as he uses a ton of them. That’s unique if nothing else. Hero and Black just pound the tar out of each other with forearms. And there goes Hero to a move called God’s Last Gift. Think of a Perfectplex but instead it’s a really compact DDT where he just hooks the legs into a small package for the pin. I like that.

So it’s Strong vs. Black for the title. Works for me. Black gets a NICE flying elbow from the top for two. They’re cranking up the speed here and I’m digging this. Strong hits a bunch of backbreakers and then we hit the Strong Hold: a Boston Crab. That’s psychology, even though Black has a bad neck. It’s passable though as his finisher is a back submission.

Strong gets knocked into the crowd and Black goes up with a flying clothesline into about the third row. I love the shot of the fans just moving backwards for them. I like that for some reason. I love Black’s springboards. He doesn’t use a bunch flips or anything but just launches himself at Strong. We’re back in the Strong Hold and the fans chant tap.

Somehow he kicks out and then Black hits his two finishers for two. This is great stuff here. Strong gets the loudest kick to the back of Black’s head that I’ve ever heard. Fans are WAY into this. Strong just goes insane on Black with knee shots and an AWESOME kick to the head for TWO.

The kicking out is getting to be a bit much here. I get the survival thing, but this is getting to be a bit much. Ok yeah three straight superkicks gets two. The fourth gets it but Strong kicked out anyway, so the fans boo the finish. That’s never good. Black wins and then gets on the mic and says thank you to Strong in a cool moment. He then says that Cornette was wrong. These guys aren’t the future, but the future is now, and Strong deserves a rematch to end the show.

Rating: A-. This was about 45 minutes long and awesome throughout. The fans were way into it and by the end I was buying into it also. The key thing for me was that all 6 guys looked like potential winners and while based on the way Black had been built up throughout the night it was kind of clear he would win, it was never a lock, which makes the match instantly better. Very fun stuff here and while I usually don’t like multi-man matches, this was an exception, which is saying a lot for me.

Overall Rating: B+. The one issue I have here was the dream tag match. It just wasn’t that interesting to me as I never bought into the dream aspect of it. It’s the best tag team ever against the world champion and a guy he’s trying to keep the title from? How is that a dream? The match was pretty good, but that story isn’t the best in the world.

Overall though, this was a VERY fun show and I definitely had a good time watching it. Everything on here is completely watchable with a point to everything (the tournament so that helps to prevent the need for stories) and matches that were able to be fleshed out. I think the shortest was about 8 minutes which is acceptable.

I would definitely check this out again as this is what I think of when I think of an alternative to WWE and TNA, which are becoming more and more alike every day, which isn’t good. This was fun and I’ll definitely be watching the TV show weekly now. Check this out if you can as it’s a very fun show.

Royal Rumble 2009
Date: January 25, 2009
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Attendance: 16,685
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz, Matt Striker, Todd Grisham

There are really no differences at all between this and what you see today other than a few face and heel changes. Everyone is here for the most part other than Christian I think. Yeah there’s just not much that’s changed since then other than DX reuniting. We have five matches tonight, one of which is the new Smackdown Champion Jeff Hardy in his first title defense against Edge, although someone has been trying to get him lately.

Also we have Cena defending against JBL in the token title match of the year. Other than that it’s just the Rumble which more or less was the most predictable match in history as all of one person was mentioned at all in the buildup to it. That being said, let’s get to it.

The opening video is the standard thing of all the Rumble winners and all of the logos but it’s cut off by Orton’s music and clips of him being a bastard to the insanely hot Stephanie. Vince gets kicked in the head to stun the crowd. Yeah, they’re not making it obvious at all who was going to win here.

The slow motion replay of the kick shows that it’s INSANE. There’s no pyro for the opening as it’s all serious and stuff. In other words, the fans get cheated to a special part of the show for Vince. Oh never mind there’s the pyro. Still kind of stupid though.

ECW Title: Matt Hardy vs. Jack Swagger

Jack was the undefeated rookie here, having won the title two and a half weeks ago. This is the mostly pointless rematch. Matt gets a great pop and I wonder why he’s never been pushed harder than he has been yet. It’s a shame that Swagger is being depushed, but to be fair tonight for the Little People Court Raw he had a good match with Cena so maybe the push is back. He has no pyro yet so that sucks. We even get the big match intros here.

Since it’s 2009, Swagger is a cowardly heel at the beginning. Hardy brawls for the most part as Striker points out that he can’t out wrestle him so why try? That’s a great point at least. We get a replay of a great right hand from Matt. That was sweet. Hardy is doing really well so you know how it’s going to end in case it wasn’t clear yet. Swagger works on the arm which is the one he uses for the Twist of Fate. I know because Striker told me.

See why he’s the best in the world today? Swagger is working the shoulder really hard here and uses some unique stuff, including a boot to the shoulder. That’s something I’ve seen a few times but rarely enough that it’s effective. I’m not sure if I like or dislike the big 2 signs in the front row for counts. They always disappear after the first match so I’m guessing someone takes it from them or they get tired of it.

Striker goes way too insane by saying who the last North Carolinian to win a world title in Detroit (Steamboat in 87). That’s saying a lot. This is a good match with a lot of close calls. They’re getting some time too so that helps a lot. Hardy goes into the post as it was already hurt. Swagger hits the powerbomb for the pin to retain and let us hear his awesome music. Hardy sits on the steps with his head in his hands. Remember that for later.

Rating: B. I really liked this. It was a decent length of about ten minutes and had a ton of close calls and near falls. The arm stuff was good and it played into the ending to give it some psychology. That gives it most of what makes a great match so this is easily solid for an opener.

Orton is here and no one is talking to him. They’re making this seem like the big deal that it’s supposed to be.

Raw Women’s Title: Melina vs. Beth Phoenix

Melina is gyrating like there’s no tomorrow and it’s working very well. Beth is with Santino here but it’s getting close to the end. Santina would be debuting soon enough to suck the life out of everything again. Beth is just freaking gorgeous. I love that backflip she does to get into the ring. Santino gets a massive chant, proving that no one cares about the women and care about comedy.

Thank you Vince for crippling wrestling and making the comedy more important. Beth very clearly calls a spot to Melina and then whips her in. Beth shows off her power by lifting Melina up with one arm. That’s just freaking scary. Beth’s thong is sticking out which is of course awesome. She gets a leg lock on Melina that’s in so deep that her foot is touching her head. That can’t feel good. Beth actually pulls the leg back to ram it into her head. FREAKING OW MAN!

They botch the heck out of something as Melina is trying to come back. Melina hits an INSANE move where she spins around Beth’s side to get the rollup for the title. That was awesome looking.

Rating: C-. There were far too many botches in there but the submission thing and the ending were both cool. It was your standard Diva match so that’s not saying a lot. Melina’s selling of her back was great here though and it helped the match a lot. Not bad, but still far from great due to the sloppiness. They had a submission match soon after this.

We recap the JBL vs. Cena feud, which is mainly about the JBL and HBK feud over the money or whatever. It was stupid and one of those “real” angles that never work for me. It’s like saying Shawn makes no money from wrestling or anything like that which is just ridiculous. Being conservative, let’s say Shawn makes a quarter million a year. That’s FAR more than enough to live a decent life, but he needs to be sold to JBL to make ends meet?

Shawn more or less lays down for JBL to get the pin. The problem that plagued this at the end was that it ended way too fast. It should have been at Mania instead of No Way Out. To be fair though, that wound up being the wrong choice as Shawn and JBL did what they should have done at Mania.

We see JBL and Shawn in the back and JBL says that if he wins tonight, Shawn is a free man and paid in full and can be in the Rumble. JBL leaves and Shawn looks in a mirror for awhile and then turns around to have Taker staring down at him. He says that sometimes you have to go through a lot to get to Heaven. Yeah they did the right thing.

Ad for Mania.

Raw World Title: JBL vs. John Cena

Cena was kind of casually mentioned in the package. Until the Taker cameo, I would have believed a title change here. The crowd is split on Cena as always. I would have actually believed them going with JBL vs. Shawn, but Taker switched me to reality. The idea here is that Cena is off his game because he has to keep his eye on Shawn. For instance, they’re on the floor and Cena ducks a clothesline but Shawn is in front of him and Cena gets ready to duck the superkick and JBL gets a shot in.

Never mind that the kick would have cost JBL the match but whatever. JBL had lost a bunch of weight at this point and actually looked like he was in very good shape. He lost probably 40 or 50 pounds and actually had a stomach. Shawn is more or less stoic on the floor. There’s a Ram Jam sign in the crowd, which is the finisher of the main character in The Wrestler.

We cut to a shot of Shawn about once every 30 seconds as Cena is more or less a pawn in this, which is ok I guess as this was just another title match for him. Cena has the STFU but due to Shawn standing there he gets nervous and JBL can get out. The Clothesline hits but it just gets two. There goes the referee and we have a bad looking double clothesline spot. Oddly enough we can see the ECW announce table over Shawn’s shoulder and there’s no Todd Grisham. That’s most odd.

Shawn gets in the ring and starts tuning up the band. He kicks Cena and JBL begins his second world title reign. Yeah I don’t buy that either. Oh of course he kicks JBL. Ok he kicks Cena too. He lays JBL on top of Cena as Cole says he doesn’t get it. That might be because Cole is freaking stupid. Yeah it must be. Shawn leaves and shakes his head as Cole tries to figure out the complexity of this.

Have fun Mikey boy as it doesn’t exist. Another referee comes out and we get two. Both guys are out as Cena kicks out so it looks like he’s spooning JBL. DANG that first referee has been out for a long time. He got ran into not freaking shot. Cena gets an easy FU for the pin. Oddly enough it has no name here and was called his move by Lawler in the replay.

Rating: C. Usual stuff from these two with the focus on JBL and Shawn like it should have been. That’s ok here though as it set up the big blowoff with them next month. Like I said Cena was more or less a pawn here and that’s all he should have been. This got JBL and Shawn much further along and it worked well. The match wasn’t that good but it rarely was with these two so what are you going to do.

Buy Legends of Wrestlemania and mess with history.

We recap Edge vs. Hardy which was the result of the Stairwell “Atrocity”. Basically, it seemed like someone wanted to hurt Jeff. There was that, plus him and his girlfriend being run off the road, and him having his face burned by pyro. I went to a house show a few weeks after that and he didn’t appear because of it. I’ve never seen so many kids look so sad. Anyway, Edge denied everything as he was the obvious most likely suspect. This is Jeff’s first title defense.

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Jeff Hardy

Wow. Back in 2000 or 2001 who would have thought that would be realistic? Jeff is WAY over. The celebration for him winning the title was absolutely perfect. My goodness I want to freaking shoot Vickie. Oh she’s Edge’s wife at the moment. It’s no DQ now also. Edge is flanked by Chavo. Edge gets speared as the bell rings, which is stupid as he didn’t need to since there’s no DQ. The WE WANT CHRISTIAN chant starts in about 10 seconds.

Christian would debut again in 16 days and he was already done with TNA and had made it known that he was coming back to WWE. You know the more I watch these shows, the more spots I see called by guys. I wonder if that’s just because I’ve seen a lot or if it’s because it’s becoming more of an issue with these young guys. After Jeff dominates for a bit, Chavo’s interference gives Edge the advantage.

Now we get some stupid hockey jokes after Edge slams his head into the table three times. Geez there’s another called spot. And now it’s weapons time as Edge brings in a chair which doesn’t work. While both are on the apron, Jeff hits a Twist of Fate which pretty much sucked. And there’s the ladder because Jeff is the Sabu of the WWE. Chavo makes a save but gets thrown off and jumped on. Jeff jumps off onto Edge.

I use the term jump loosely as he more or less falls and the splash turns into a headbutt. It looked ok but sloppy. Passable at least. This is the referee with the hitch in his count which is so annoying. Edge counters the Twist of Fate into a DDT which impresses JR. Why? It’s not like that move has never been countered before. That’s why it never worked as a big time move. Think of the leg drop or the Sharpshooter or the Stunner in the earlier days of it or the tombstone.

When one of those connected, it was OVER. Jeff and Edge never had one of those, which is what makes them look weak. Vickie comes out and breaks up the pin off the Swanton. Here’s Matt with a chair and you can feel it coming. The crowd just goes silent over the chair shot and the look from Matt is GREAT.

This was an awesome moment with Edge looking back and forth with an awesome what the heck just happened look on his face. The complete lack of commentary here helps a lot. Matt walks away stoically. This would lead to their two match series that sucked because they didn’t go anywhere near as insane as they could have.

Rating: B-. Not bad but not great here. They had their standard good match that went about 20 minutes. That’s all you need really at the end of the day. The real story here was of course Matt vs. Jeff which is fine as it was a great story that the matches couldn’t live up to. They went fine though here and that’s fine.

Ad for No Way Out, which is now just called Elimination Chamber.

Orton says he’s not worried about Vince. This was the start of the STUPID mental disorder or whatever it was. That could have worked if he never said he didn’t have it or whatever but the whole thing was just stupid. Jericho shows up and says good job on kicking Vince in the head.

We get a recap of all of the Rumbles which never gets old. This is the really cool one with the following stats, accurate as of coming into the 09 Rumble:

22 winners (in 21 matches, but remember Luger and Hart were co-winners)

598 competitors (this is odd as there was one match with only 20 entrants and I don’t think there are enough to knock out twelve people over the years, unless they’re counting all the times where a guy gets beaten up on the way to the ring)

36 people that Austin eliminated, a record that Kane will likely break someday.

11 people that Kane threw out in 2001 which is insane

11 consecutive Rumbles for Kane, which is awesome

1 woman ever for Chyna

62 minutes 12 seconds which is the official record I guess, even though if you listen to the commentary for the 92 Rumble Flair was in for about 70 or so, which was false.

2 seconds that the Warlord lasted.

3 times that Austin won, which is also a record

1, the number with the same amount of winners as number 30, which is insane when you think about it. Note that in the video for this they only show Shawn when talking about the number one spot.

27, which has had 4 winners (Studd, Yoko, Hart, Austin in 2001)

70 which is the percent that since 1993 that the winner has won the world title at Mania.

This was an AWESOME package that got me completely in the mood for a great Rumble.

Royal Rumble

90 second intervals this year. Rey has number one and Morrison number two. If they had any idea what kind of a classic they would have in the fall they would be amazed. Rey’s mask makes him looking like a member of the Klan. Ross and Lawler are doing the commentary which just makes this feel right. One thing I like that they’ve got going here is they have a big Mania 25 logo in the corner of the arena and everyone keeps pointing to it.

Miz and Morrison are of course tag champions here. Rey does an awesome spinning move around John to get to an arm drag. Number three is Carlito. He’s a face here as he’s part of the Smackdown tag champions which would be unified at Mania. Oh no wait it was before Mania because we had to have a Kid Rock medley. MVP, just having turned face is 4th. Khali is 5th as not a lot is happening. He of course dominates the whole thing and chops the heck out of them all.

I hated the match he had with Rey when Rey was world champion. It completely killed Rey’s credibility for months. Kozlov, still undefeated and with a decent amount of heat is 6th. He drops Khali in about 5 seconds. MVP and Carlito are both out now so it’s Rey, Morrison who has been hiding and Vlady. It’s HHH at number 7 to a roar. After a facebuster, HHH throws him out with ease. Orton is 8th and it’s on.

The clock came up very fast for him as I’m assuming HHH was afraid of being in there with two good workers like Morrison and Rey. Morrison gets a 619 and Cryme Tyme come out and flip a coin to decide who gets in and it’s JTG. The clock is going WAY too fast here as DiBiase is 10th. Morrison and JTG both go over but hang on and kick at each other in a cool looking spot and then DiBiase and Rey do it and then HHH and Orton do it. That’s either cool or stupid.

Jericho is 11th. Well no one can say that they’re sticking with small stars in the opening. Despite the star power, not a lot of interesting anything is going on, mainly because it’s so clear Orton will win. Mike Knox and the beard of awesome is 12th. Knox would somehow manage to get into the Elimination Chamber next month which blew my mind and sucked at the same time. Miz is 13th.

He was about to start making fun of Cena and becoming the awesome character that he still is to this day. Morrison takes a sweet RKO and then so does Miz and JTG. He gets stopped by a Pedigree as HHH throws out Morrison and Miz while Finlay is 14th.

In a SWEET spot, Rey goes over the top to the floor but walks on Miz and Morrison to stay alive. That was awesome. How in the world are we almost halfway done with this? Rhodes is number 15. Rey gets a springboard and Orton takes him down with an RKO. The lights go out and Taker is sixteenth. Taker is on one side of the ring and everyone else is on the other. He beats them all up and throws out JTG with ease of course.

The crowd is way into him. That’s why he’s still getting pushed. Gold freaking Dust is 17th. WHY does he still have a job? He has no gimmick and is slipping in the ring. He and Cody have a showdown and Goldie beats him up. This is being written on December 23rd. My wish for Cody: that he makes 1/10 of the impact Goldust made. He’s got a long way to go. Rhodes puts out Rhodes and Orton is very proud. Punk gets number 18.

That pop doesn’t exist according to Vince as he deserves to be jobbed to Cena in less than two minutes. He won the IC Title about two weeks prior to this and the Triple Crown in less than a year. That’s amazing. Vince disagrees apparently. Yeah I’m a Punk mark, get over it. He hits GTS on HHH which surprises me. Henry, still a heel and not yet the Kool Aid Man is 19th.

The ring is WAY too full here with twelve or thirteen people in there. Shelton, the US Champion, is 20th. Punk and Jericho are on the top for some reason and Shelton does a running double Downward Spiral to them, which is called a reverse DDT by JR because he’s an idiot. Regal is 21st and he’s the guy that Punk beat for the IC Title.

Mysterio puts Henry out which is of course perfectly fine. Kofi, still not a big deal at all but getting very popular very fast, is 22nd. Taker is bleeding which I’d assume is hardway and he throws out Shelton. Kane is 23rd. Rey is upside down and hanging on in a weird looking position. Lawler counts 12 or 13 people in there. Kane and Taker hook up for awhile for a double chokeslam on DiBiase. Punk puts Regal out. R-Truth is 24th.

There are WAY too many people in there and even more just laying around and doing absolutely nothing at the moment. That’s the problem with having people last a long time in there. They’re used to ten to twenty minute matches at most so this is the equivalent of a rest hold. Rob Van Dam is 25th to an EPIC pop. The whole match stops to watch.

Something that would crack me up is if they didn’t know he was coming. He does his top rope kick to Kane who just watches it happen. I know there’s no point in having him in there as there’s no way he’ll win, but he’s a WRESTLER and a former world champion. There’s his validation. Kendrick is 26th. He manages to put Kofi out and then be thrown out in 15 seconds. Van Dam is just so ridiculously over it’s scary.

Dolph Ziggler, still meaning nothing, is 27th. He runs into Kane resulting in a quick elimination. There are at least 14 people in there and most of them are doing nothing with maybe 4 really working in there. Ross actually says they’re trying to keep up with the action. Santino is 28 and breaks Warlord’s record by being clotheslined out in 1 second by Kane who was right there. Hogan got a running start to put out Warlord which explains the time lapse.

HHH and Taker go at it which is always awesome. Jim Freaking Duggan is 29th. REALLY? This is what ticks people off about the modern WWE. Shad can’t get in there? Primo can’t? Instead we put a 50 year old jobber in there instead. Yes he’s won before but we don’t wheel Luger out to be in there also.

Big Show is number 30, so here’s your final group. You may need a pillow as this might last into the night. The group is Rey, HHH, DiBiase, Jericho, Knox, Finlay, Rhodes, Taker, Punk, Kane, R-Truth, RVD, Duggan and Show. That’s 14 people. DO YOU THINK THAT’S ENOUGH? Well since they’re all in here let’s get rid of them. Everyone stops except Duggan who keeps punching someone while everyone else stops to watch which looks really stupid.

He and Taker have their requited showdown and Kane does the required run in to stop it. Show puts out Duggan. Jericho jumps on Show which is amusing now. Truth gets thrown out by Show after a beating. Show throws Punk over three times and then knocks him out with a right hand. Punk’s selling is masterful. You know, the selling he demonstrated when he tapped to Cena in 2 minutes at the Slammies because that made SO much sense right?

Show puts out Knox and Rey as Horny comes in for no apparent reason and then Kane eliminates Finlay. Van Dam nods at a referee which I’d assume means something. Show and Taker go at it of course because that has to happen at least once every six months. Yeah Van Dam goes out soon after so I’m assuming a referee signaled that he was next out or something. I’ve always wondered how they knew when to do that.

Taker puts out Jericho and we’re down to seven. We’ve got Legacy, the big trio and HHH. There goes Kane, shocking no one as he jobs first. Legacy goes after Taker which is surprising. Taker counters with a double clothesline and a chokeslam for Orton. He doesn’t throw him over because he has to win though. Taker and Show have a boxing match or something resembling one. Taker has somehow shrunk from 7’0 to 6’11 to 6’10 to now 6’9 over the years.

Orton tries and RKO but just gets shoved off which never gets old. Taker and Show fight on the apron and Orton puts Show out who then pulls Taker out. Priceless being caught in a double choke by Taker made me imagine them in the locker room and Taker saying boys I’ve got cups older than you so sit down. That leaves us with Legacy and HHH as it’s all about him again.

This is a step down from HHH, Batista, Cena and Kane from last year. You ever notice how HHH is ALWAYS around near the end of these things? He was close in 98, won in 2002, 3rd in 2006, 2nd in 2008 and 2nd in 2009. That’s most interesting isn’t it? He of course throws out Legacy and then Orton dumps him for the completely inevitable win. Massive posing takes us out.

Rating: D. This just wasn’t that good. WAY too many people and WAY too much laying around just drained the life out of it. Van Dam coming in was great but Orton was so clearly the winner here that it sucked the life out of it. That’s something I burned Sly on once as he said that this was one of the best Rumbles ever and then slipped and said that the way you determine a good Rumble is by saying anyone could win.

I asked who else could have won in 09. I’m waiting on a reply to that and it’s been nearly a year boss. Anyway, this wasn’t interesting to me back then or now as it was just about HHH vs. the world and that’s simply not interesting. Of course, they would feud for the majority of the year and kill Raw in the process, but Vince is in love with Orton despite what ratings say so there we go.

Overall Rating: B+. Rumble aside, this is a great show. You have four solid matches with drama and title changes and storyline advancement. What more could you ask for out of this thing? I really liked it and it came out very well. The Rumble itself was pretty bad but then again so was Raw as a whole this year. As for the show, watch it but stop the DVD before the Rumble but after the Rumble package.

So that’s the Royal Rumble up til now. Since this is December 23rd, I have no idea what the 2010 card is going to look like so I have no predictions. Overall, the Rumble is the epitome of hit or miss in the company as some like 92 and 04 are classics and great matches while some like 95 or 99 make you long for a 2000 WCW PPV. It’s been able to make stars like Benoit and Shawn while at the same time some have won it and then done nothing like Duggan, Studd and that Austin guy.

It’s the most unique battle royal in wrestling and it’s the real start to Mania which is what it should be. That first three months or even four months of the year is predicated on this one match and other than one year it’s always been at least a 40 minute match so you’re in for a long one. This is definitely something special, and to think it all started so Vince could screw Crockett. Anyway, tomorrow is the Rumble and I’ll likely be pumped.

Sheamus is currently world champion and I still can’t get over that. Anyway, thanks for reading this and I hope you liked it. That wraps up the big four but I’ll be around with random reviews and some stuff from other companies so keep reading or start if you haven’t read this. Wait what?