Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania XXV (2013 Redo): What Were They Thinking?

Wrestlemania XXV
Date: April 5, 2009
Location: Reliant Stadium, Houston, Texas
Attendance: 72,744
Commentators: Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

Nicole Scherzinger of the Pussycat Dolls sings America the Beautiful.

MVP vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Christian vs. Kofi Kingston vs. CM Punk vs. Finlay vs. Mark Henry vs. Kane

Henry and Kane go up the ladder but everyone bands together to pull them down. The monsters are both sent to the floor and a second regular sized ladder is set up. A bunch of people go up but Kane and Henry shove everyone down. Kane kicks Henry down and loads up the big ladder again. Henry breaks up that attempt but opts to throw the ladder at Finlay instead of climbing.

Finlay dives through the ropes at Kane and Shelton so Christian can dive onto Finlay and Kane to take them out. MVP dives on all three of them and Kofi and Punk hit stereo suicide dives to take out all four guys. Shelton climbs onto the huge ladder and DIVES onto all five guys, looking like he landed on his head at first look. Now HENRY goes up top but Finlay breaks it up to prevent an earthquake.

MVP is up first and pounds on Shelton before being powerbombed over the top rope and down onto a few guys. His head looked to smack against the barricade in a scary spot. Shelton and Finlay are on the ladder now and Finlay is knocked onto the ladder platform. Christian takes Shelton down and pounds away until Shelton takes the platform apart.

Shelton and Christian are both standing on two ladders but Christian shoves Shelton to the floor. Punk however springboards onto the ladders but gets caught upside down in a ladder, which is what Punk did to Christian to win last year. Kane stops Christian and chokeshoves him down to the mat. Punk pops up and kicks Kane down to win his second straight MITB.

Video on WWE taking over Houston for the week.

Miss Wrestlemania: Divas Battle Royal

Melina, Beth Phoenix, Santina Marella, Victoria, Brie Bella, Eve Torres, Gail Kim, Jackie Gayda, Tiffany, Sunny, Rosa Mendes, Nikki Bella, Jillian Hall, Joy Giovanni, Katie Lea Burchill, Kelly Kelly, Layla, Maria, Maryse, Michelle McCool, Mickie James, Molly Holly, Natalya, Alicia Fox, Rosa Mendes, Torrie Wilson

Beth is ticked off, which led to months of stupid fights between the two of them. Santina dances post match.

Rourke is at ringside.

Chris Jericho vs. Roddy Piper/Jimmy Snuka/Ricky Steamboat

Post match Flair comes in but gets beaten down too. Jericho taunts Rourke (a real life former pro boxer) and gets punched out. This somehow took five minutes.

Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy

Orton is ready for the main event.

Intercontinental Title: Rey Mysterio vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

We recap Shawn vs. Undertaker. Shawn freed himself from JBL at No Way Out and realized he needed a new challenge. What better for Mr. Wrestlemania to do than challenge the Streak? Shawn read passages from the Bible about separating light from darkness to show the differences between the two of them. Do you need more of a buildup than that?

Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels

Shawn comes down from the top of the set all in white, Undertaker comes through the stage in black. Now THAT is an entrance. Feeling out process to start with Shawn circling around Taker and sticking with a few jabs here and there. Michaels pounds away in the corner and hits a hard chop but taker catches an incoming right hand. Taker LAUNCHES him into the corner and nearly out to the floor, only for Shawn to jump off the top and over Undertaker to get away.

Taker pounds way in the corner but has to stop to shake life back into his leg. Snake eyes and the big boot put Shawn down and a legdrop gets two (brother). A chokeslam is countered into the Crossface by Shawn but Taker rolls over onto his side to block a lot of the pressure. After an attempted rollup by Undertaker, Shawn cranks on the hold a bit more, only to have Taker fight up and hit a big side slam for two. Back up and they slug it out with Shawn taking over via a flying forearm.

We head to the floor for a bit but Taker misses the apron legdrop. A baseball slide keeps Taker on the floor but as Shawn tries the moonsault to the floor, Taker moves and Shawn CRASHES onto the concrete. Back inside and Taker sits up and busts out the Taker Dive, only to overrotate and CRASH in a terrifying landing. Shawn thankfully pulled a cameraman in the way to block some of the impact but this scared me to death live.

Shawn tells the referee to count in a kind of mid-match heel turn but Taker makes it back in at nine. Another superkick attempt is ducked and a HUGE chokeslam gets an insanely close two. The fans are getting way into these near falls now. The Tombstone is countered, the superkick is blocked, the chokeslam is escaped and NOW the superkick hits for a very delayed two count. Shawn is up now and looks all ticked off.

Taker nearly collapses from the shock and has a look on his face saying he has no idea where to go now. Shawn spins out of a Tombstone bid into a DDT and both guys are down. Michaels slowly crawls to the top and drops the elbow for no cover. Instead he tunes up the band again and the fans are all over him as a result. The kick hits clean and Shawn covers almost immediately but it only gets two. These kickouts are getting better and better each time.

Now what gets to follow that?

Raw World Title: Edge vs. Big Show vs. John Cena

Cena beats down Edge and now has a free shot at Big Show. Instead he hits the Shuffle on Edge which is actually pretty smart when you think about it. Here comes the AA but Vickie gets on the apron. Cena drops Edge but avoids a spear, sending Edge into Vickie. The distraction lets Cena roll Edge up for two but a collision puts both guys down. Show gets loose and beats up both other guys including hitting a splash to both guys in the same corner.

Wrestlemania 26 is in Phoenix.

Now we get the Hall of Fame class: Terry and Dory Funk, Howard Finkel, Koko B. Ware, the Von Erichs and Ricky Steamboat. Oh and Steve Austin. Yeah him too. He takes off his suit and rides his ATV around ringside for one last moment.

This brings us to the main event of HHH vs. Orton. This was basically a continuation of Orton vs. the McMahons with HHH being the big soldier to fight in the war. Vince and Shane had already been taken out and Orton won the Rumble to get us here. With HHH firmly in his sights (again), Orton went on the attack.

This stipulation made no sense. The whole point of the match was to see HHH beat the stuffing out of Orton once and for all. What possible good could there be to make it a match where HHH had to keep calm and play by the rules? For some reason, this is what we got at Wrestlemania XXV.

HHH(c) vs. Randy Orton

With no referee, Orton goes to the floor and gets a sledgehammer, but as he gets back inside HHH punts him in the head. A shot to the head with the sledgehammer puts Orton down and HHH pounds away. Orton is out cold so HHH hits another Pedigree for good measure and retains the title.

Ratings Comparison

Finlay vs. Christian vs. CM Punk vs. Mark Henry vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. MVP vs. Kane

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Divas Battle Royal

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Roddy Piper/Jimmy Snuka/Ricky Steamboat vs. Chris Jericho

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy

Original: C

Redo: B

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Rey Mysterio

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Shawn Michaels vs. Undertaker

Original: A+

Redo: A+

John Cena vs. Edge vs. Big Show

Original: B-

Redo: B-

Randy Orton vs. HHH

Original: F+

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: D

Redo: B-

Did I mention this was the first live review I ever did?

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/04/01/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-25-oh-dear-oh-dear-indeed/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.




Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania XXV (Original): When I Went Live

Wrestlemania 25
Date: April, 5 2009
Location: Reliant Stadium, Houston, Texas
Attendance: 72,744
Commentators: Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
America The Beautiful: Some Pussycat Doll

Please keep in mind that this show was partially written live so excuse some of the in the moment emotional reactions.

Since this show literally is happening tonight, I won’t bother with any kind of a recap. We start with your standard history package that somehow never gets old to me at all.

Money In The Bank: CM Punk vs. MVP vs. Kane vs. Christian vs. Finlay vs. Mark Henry vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Shelton Benjamin

Finlay is breaking out the old school Fit Finlay shoulder pads. I’m digging it. After ten minutes of entrances, we’re underway. As usual I’m not even going to bother trying to keep track of everything that’s going on in this as it’s going to be all over the place like it always is.

Henry and Kane clear the ring almost immediately and the fans chant for Christian. Christian and Shelton take care of them as it’s back and forth already. Kofi may have hurt his knee on a big jump over the ladder and a dropkick. Henry and Kane go up but can’t get anywhere as we’re three minutes in. An army of midcarers takes care of Henry.

Four guys go up the ladder and the big guys take them down again. Finlay clears the ring and dives out on Kane. Christian takes out Kane and Finlay as this is kind of all of the place. What a shock indeed. Henry takes out all three of them to continue the tradition. Punk and Kofi hit stereo suicide dives. Shelton dives off the ladder and more or less lands on his head.

Shelton may have killed himself with that stupid flip. That scared the heck out of me. Also for those interested, I just found out that the tag titles was the preshow match with the Colons winning. It’s your general spotfest so far and that’s what it’s supposed to be. Crowd is fairly hot too.

Horny busts out a stepladder which gets him nowhere at all. Naturally a jumping midget can take out six guys. Finlay brings out the big ladder which is required viewing anymore. Kofi takes a good shot and is down already. He’s taking a big beating and it’s working pretty well.
Kofi is bumping like a crazy man in this match. I’m loving him so far as he’s the highlight of the show. Kane and Henry were dominant early on but here come the smaller people. Henry is back and is setting up a ladder. While he holds it up, Kofi runs up the side of it but falls and is caught in the World’s Strongest Slam in a sweet spot.

MVP comes in to pound of Henry which gets him nowhere again. MVP stops Shelton, Punk stops MVP, Christian stops Punk. Punk and Christian do a cool spot on a ladder that’s balanced from one ladder to the top rope and even though the Unprettier was botched horribly, that’s hard to blame them for.

MVP almost makes it again but Shelton makes an incredible save. He runs up a ladder leaning against the ring then across a ladder between the rope and a ladder in the ring and then up the other ladder that MVP is on to make the last second save. That was incredible and as usual Shelton gets the spot of the match.

The botches in this match are killing it. These matches are really hard to call. Kane, Christian and Punk are fighting on the ladders and all but Punk fall, making him the first two time MITB winner!

Rating: C+. The problem here is the botches. There were a ton this year and the winner was kind of a letdown, and remember Punk is my favorite wrestler. It was a great opener, but not a great match if that makes sense. Too many people and really just a lot of one on ones for about twenty minutes. Not bad.

Axxess recap. Would be funner to be there to watch it.

Kid Rock performs. We don’t care as this is a food break for me. He’s on his third song and the reaction is priceless. There is absolute silence here as the fans simply could not care less. He does two old songs and his new one. My lord this is a waste of time. We don’t get the tag title match but we get this? Waste of time.

He is on his fourth song now. At least All Summer Long is a decent song, but do we need to hear this now? My goodness, he’s doing another one. The divas come out to dance with him. My headache is now at the grab a hatchet level, as this is at ten minutes now. After a big pyro display, it’s time for the battle royal. Holy goodness I’m bored.

25 Diva Battle Royal

Not even going to try to call this as we don’t even get the intros here. This is a freaking joke, thank you Kid Rock. No Trish or Lita means this isn’t a legit battle royal. We don’t even have a list or a face shot of all the divas. It’s a standard battle royal and I literally couldn’t be more bored. The commentators are sucking up to Kid Rock so much that I’m about to mute this. Literally people are being eliminated and it’s the first we hear of them. This is pathetic.

Santino is in drag as this is somehow even dumber every second. Never in my life have I seen a worse Mania match, period. Final there are Melina, Beth and Santino. I knew it. Freaking Santino wins. The commentators apparently don’t realize the massive tattoo on his chest. Has wrestling really fallen this far? The SFAC is going to be proud of this, and that is completely sickening to me.

Rating: N/A. This is the worst Mania match of all time. It was designed to get a stupid comedy guy on the show, we don’t know who was in it, they got no face time, and Kid Rock is the freaking cause of it. I am officially angry about this show. Such a waste of time. I’m not rating it because there isn’t a rating low enough for it.

Chris Jericho vs. Roddy Piper/Jimmy Snuka/Ricky Steamboat

Jericho has to beat all three to win. Massive recap as we’re somehow led to believe that Rourke won’t be at the show. Yeah right. Rourke actually is here. I’m surprised. They kind of get their own intros as their musics play but they stand on the ramp instead of going to the ring. Piper gets a decent pop. He looks decent too. Considering he had cancer less than two years ago, this is amazing. Flair accompanies them.

Piper is wearing a shirt which is likely a good thing. PIPER THROWS A DROPKICK!!! Off to Snuka who does his usual offense that gets him nowhere at all. And there’s the Liontamer to end him. He looked awful out there. Piper is mind blowing here. He looks as good as he did in WCW. Now is that a compliment or not?

As I type that, he’s eliminated via Codebreaker. This is literally 5 minutes in and it’s 1 on 1. I know this didn’t seem like it was five minutes but that’s how slowly these guys are moving. The old guys are getting to throw out some basic offense but it’s just leading to them being eliminated. Steamboat skins the cat in his 50s and of course we don’t see it. HE JUMPS OVER THE TOP ROPE! This is making up for everything.

Ross talks about how Jericho is staying with the Legends like it’s surprising. Steamboat is tearing this up and I’m wanting to stop the review to look at him go. This is incredible stuff considering no one expected a single thing out of him. He gets the cross body for two as Jericho is reeling. And then he walks into the Codebreaker to end it. That was amazing while it lasted.

Steamboat had me freaking out. Flair runs in and gets beaten up too. Of course Rourke gets in the ring and they have an impromptu boxing match. Rourke knocks him down as this is somehow dumber than it was before.

Rating: C+. Considering their ages and level of rust, this was mind blowing. Jericho had to win though. Steamboat had me on the edge of my chair. How he’s not called one of the best ever is beyond me. We’re three matches in and Steamboat has carried this. That’s a very bad sign. Let me make sure I have this straight: four hall of famers can’t beat up Jericho, but a 56 year old guy that boxed almost 15 years ago can beat him up?

In something funny, when they said go into the storm, it thundered at my house.

We get the recap talking about how Matt more or less tried to kill Jeff about three times. Of course he doesn’t prosecute him. He wrestles him. You have to love WWE.

Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy

I miss Matt’s old heel attire. He looked like a legit monster. Naturally they got rid of them and made him an overrated face again. This has happened before but they made it big this time. I don’t think people are interested in this but whatever. Matt takes a shot with a WWE poster. How EXTREME! Matt takes Jeff down but Jeff gets up first. Well of course he does.

Crowd is waking up a tad here which might be exactly what this show needs. Matt has a bit of a gut which surprises me. Poetry in Motion with the assistance of a chair misses and here comes Matt. He takes out Jeff’s knee and just cracks him with the chair for two. Matt grabs a dry-vac from under the ring. Why a dry vac is under there is beyond me but it’s WWE so I’ll just kind of go with it.

Side effect on a chair gets two. Matt is dominating here as he bends Jeff’s back around the post. It’s table time but there’s no D-Von around to get it. What are we going to do??? They slug it out and neither guy goes through it. This is intense but kind of dull at the same time if that makes sense.

Jeff gets a kendo stick to crack away at him and here come the required trashcans. Slingshot dropkick into the can into Matt has him in big trouble. Swanton misses and Jeff is in trouble. Twist of Fate connect and only gets two. Almost zero heat on the kickout either. Matt goes for a Swanton which is blocked. The people of Houston just avoided a huge earthquake.

Matt gets CRACKED over the head with a chair in a sick looking and sounding shot. Jeff sets Matt on a table and then another table on top of that and splashes it and dang if he didn’t almost hit him! Back in the ring it only gets two. This needs to end like now.

The more successful one goes to the floor and pulls out some ladders. Well of course he does. Jeff misses a huge bump by setting up a huge ladder and then climbing up a regular one and jumping over the big one. He crashes down in pain and I’m slightly entertained. Matt does a sick looking Twist of Fate on a chair to close this out.

Rating: C. This wasn’t terrible and the ending was perfect. Matt’s finisher, not Jeff’s mistake ended it. There was no way Jeff could win this and he didn’t. It wasn’t great, but it could have been far worse. Not terrible. I just don’t think they had the intensity they wanted with this and it kind of showed through.

Legends of Mania commercial.

Orton is getting ready.

IC Title: JBL vs. Rey Mysterio

I miss the intros as I heat up my tacos. Mysterio looks like Doink the Clown. How does he manage to come up with a dumber outfit every Mania? Rey looks so ridiculous as apparently he’s the Joker. He’s also wearing bright green suspenders. Holy goodness it’s a 10 second match! WHAT ARE THEY DOING??? Rey hits the 619 and a splash and wins it?

Rating: N/A. This is officially the dumbest Mania of all time. There has to be like 40 minutes each for the last three matches.

JBL’s big announcement is that he quits, getting the pop of the night.

Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels

If this match isn’t a 5 star classic, this is officially the worst Mania of all time, end of argument. Massive recap to start of course. The entrances are of course mind blowingly sweet with Taker coming up out of darkness and Shawn coming down from the ceiling in a white chariot like an angel. Ok that was awesome.

This just feels epic on all levels which is how it’s supposed to feel. And here we go. The fans pop for the bell. Think they’re excited? Sign a few rows back: It’s still real to me! OH YES! Shawn scores a few points with some chops and then runs. Taker blocks a punch and throws Shawn over the top but Shawn catches himself.

HBK fakes a knee injury. Now that’s just brilliant. You know he’s never done that for Wrestlemania before! Basically an extended feeling out process here as neither guy can get an advantage going here. Big back drop by Taker and Shawn is in some trouble. Elbow gets one only. Old School gets a big ovation and Shawn is in trouble.

And so much for that as Taker misses a kick in the corner and Shawn goes for the knee. There go the dueling chants. Sharpshooter is blocked so Shawn uses a reverse figure four and Taker is in little trouble because he’s not going to tap. Taker’s solution to get out of this? Punch Shawn in the face. You can’t beat simplicity at times.

Taker unloads on him in the corner and gets the Snake Eyes and big boot combination. Shawn gets a bad crossface out of nowhere which sees Taker laying on his side. Taker stands up and gets a side slam to break up the hold. Nicely done. Shawn kicks him in the face and Taker glares at him. Forearm puts Taker down and we get a nip up at the same time Taker sits up.

Shawn sets for the elbow from the top but Taker sits up and Shawn is in trouble again. He counters that but walks into Hell’s Gate as he goes for the Figure Four again. A rope is grabbed and we head the to floor. Apron legdrop misses and Shawn avoids trouble. Baseball slide puts Taker down again. Moonsault to the floor misses though and Shawn is in big trouble again.

The momentum is changing every few seconds here and it’s great stuff. Taker hits the ropes and OH MY FREAKING GOODNESS! Taker dove over the ropes but overrotated and slammed his freaking head into the floor! He more or less killed a cameraman and there was a loud cracking sound. Luckily the replay shows that it was just the camera hitting the ground which is a nice break I guess.

Wow that was insane looking though. I was legitimately thinking they were going to have to stop it there. That was as scary as any bump I’ve ever seen. SOMEHOW, and I mean that literally, Taker isn’t dead. Shawn does a semi-heel turn and tries to get the count out win. To be fair though that might be better for Taker’s health at this point.

Taker BARELY makes it back in at nine and a half. I was actually thinking it was over there. There are those dueling chants again. Superkick is caught by a BIG old chokeslam for two as the crowd explodes. Tombstone, superkick, chokeslam. All of those were countered in a row but Shawn gets a BIG superkick for two. Sweet goodness I’d have bet on that one.

Shawn’s ticked off face is great. Taker grabs him by the throat and goes for the Last Ride but Shawn gets a sunset flip. Taker grabs him again and is like boy you’re getting drilled and hits a HUGE Last Ride for TWO. Wow these kickouts are incredible. Taker goes up and misses an elbow as both guys are down again.

Shawn is sent over the top but Skins the Cat. Taker catches him AGAIN in the Tombstone and Shawn is DEAD. Apparently DEAD doesn’t mean three though as Shawn kicks out AGAIN. This is incredible. Taker’s face is like NO FREAKING WAY. Shawn counters another Tombstone attempt with a spinning DDT of all things.

Michaels somehow gets up to the top rope and hits the big elbow but both guys are down again. Sweet Chin Music out of NOWHERE gets two. Well of course it did. With nothing else left from either guy they slug it out from their knees. Shawn chops away but Taker kicks him in the face to put him down.

Tombstone is countered AGAIN and Shawn gets a boot into the jaw of Taker in the corner to buy himself some time. Shawn goes up for a moonsault press but Taker somehow catches him and Tombstones him to death to FINALLY end this. In-freaking-credible. Absolutely amazing stuff and it WINS.
Rating: A+. Wrestlemania has been saved. Future edit: no it hasn’t. Go watch this match right now as it’s the best match I have ever seen.

Draft is coming in 8 days. I’m shaking after watching that. Never before have I been on the edge of my seat for a match.

World Heavyweight Championship: Edge vs. John Cena vs. Big Show

Standard recap leading to Edge and Show coming out first. Cena’s old rap song comes on and an army of John Cenas come out. There must be 80 or so of them. They all do You Can’t See Me and then Cena’s music hits. Pretty cool visual. We get the big match indroduction which I always love. Cena gets a decent pop with boos mixed in.

Edge is champion coming in here. We head into the triple threat formula almost immediately with various people being knocked out for awhile each. That’s fine but it gets rather repetitive. About five minutes pass with nothing but various one on one combinations. That’s not terribly interesting but it’s what we’ve come to expect in these things.

Cena hits his top rope Fameasser off the top rope and down goes Show. Off to Edge vs. Cena as I doubt Show will be in there for awhile. Edgecution gets two. More weak stuff here as Show is in faster than I expected him to be here. Chavo of all people runs out to save Show and takes an FU for his troubles.

Show gets tied up in the ropes and loudly shouts GET ME OUT OF HERE! Cena goes off on Edge as the fans aren’t really liking him. Five Knuckle Shuffle to Edge. Vickie gets up to save Edge but winds up getting speared onto Chavo. Both guys go down and Show is still stuck. Ah there he’s out.

Show goes off on them and manages to chokeslam Edge. FU attempt on Show but he gets out and drills Cena with the punch. Loud THANK YOU BIG SHOW chant from that. Edge gets a running spear through Show through the barricade. Back in the ring Cena counters the spear into the STFU.

Finally Show comes in for the save as this is actually pretty good. Back to Show vs. Edge for awhile as JR runs through Show’s measurements again. Show misses a Vader Bomb and here comes Cena again. The two non-monsters suplex Show in an always cool looking spot.

Everyone trades some more finishers and Edge gets a spear for two on Cena. Here’s your HOLY FREAKING CRAP spot of the match as Edge jumps on Show’s back with a sleeper so Cena is like screw it and picks up BOTH OF THEM AT ONCE IN THE FU! Edge falls off and Show takes the FU. Cena hits one on Edge onto Show for the pin and the title. Freaking sweetness.

Rating: B-. This was better than people gave it credit for. This wasn’t supposed to be the great and mighty be all end all title match and it wasn’t. It was a way to get the title onto Cena and make him look strong. It wasn’t bad and it accomplished its purpose. I liked it, but man this would have been better if it was three matches earlier.

WM 26 is in Phoenix.

HOF Ceremony. Austin drives his ATV around and has a mini beer bash to kill time. I have no problem with this at all. It was needed to give the fans a breather and it’s not like Austin doesn’t deserve it.

Attendance is announced, but not called a record as we kill off even more time.

Massive recap video beforehand which kills the time so dead it’s scary. They’ve hated each other since Evolution, Orton is nuts and kissed Stephanie, HHH snapped, Orton faked being insane, HHH can’t disqualified or he loses the title.
WWE Title: Randy Orton vs. HHH

In the back, HHH passes both McMahons. Orton’s entrance literally goes on nearly two and a half minutes. There’s no special ordeal or anything. He’s just walking really, really slowly. HHH’s intro is long but not as long. We get BMI. Orton gets an RKO inside of two minutes but goes for the Punt and misses. HHH is up in about a minute and hits the Pedigree. What in the world is going on here?

And remember, HHH can’t get disqualified in a match based on hate. This is going so slow that it’s painful. They’re moving like molasses out there for crying out loud (as I quote my inner Hayden Panitierre from Remember the Titans). HHH has a bad shoulder now. Orton takes over for a good while as he works on the arm.

I like the pace of this match as it’s very slow but more violent. That’s what this is supposed to be. You’re supposed to have a guy that’s completely insane and a guy that’s desperate to defend his wife’s honor. Would you expect guys to be using Greco-Roman style here?

I like the brawling stuff. Wait for it…wait for it…YES! We get an Orton chinlock! All is right with the world! This is a more physical style and while it’s not great, it’s also not awful. This match isn’t really building to anything though. Ok I’m thinking I’m changing my mind on the pacing thing. This needs to be FAR more brutal given the story backing it up. It’s similar to Kane/Undertaker at Mania 14 where they were supposed to be in a war and just weren’t at all.

Orton takes him down with the backbreaker for two. I love that dropkick that Orton has. HHH FINALLY sends Orton to the floor to break the very long stretch of momentum he’s had. On the floor HHH keeps teasing various weapons shots but won’t do them because of the title thing. He sets for the Pedigree but Orton backdrops him through the announce table.

Elevated DDT hits on the floor and HHH is more or less done. He beats the count of course and Orton mixes up his offense with various types of stomps. Orton catches HHH coming of the top rope (WTF???) with a sick dropkick. Ref goes down and Orton hits an RKO. He gets the sledge but gets kicked leading to him getting punched beyond all reasonable measure. Pedigree and Orton is dead. Fireworks and we’re out. Well, that sums up the whole show.

Rating: F+. The ending was just a total letdown. Forget a good pace. This was a complete waste of time and had nothing good to offer at all. The ending is HHH’s revenge for his recent losses. Terrible way to close it out, absolutely terrible. Never in my life have I seen someone with a bigger ego. There is absolutely no reason whatsoever here for HHH to go over. Not a single one.

Orton was pushed to the moon recently and he gets nothing for it? Likely he’ll get the belt at Backlash or something, but this was a waste. Any credibility he has is killed. That was awful and I don’t want to see even the letter that comes after G for a long, long time. Horrible.

It’s the same issue that many recent Mania main events have had: it’s not a bad match, but there’s nothing mind blowing. It’s like they’re in safe mode or something. Orton catches HHH coming of the top rope (WTF???) with a sick dropkick. Ref goes down and Orton hits an RKO. He gets the sledge but gets kicked leading to him getting punched beyond all reasonable measure. Pedigree and Orton is dead. Fireworks and we’re out. Well, that sums up the whole show.
Overall Rating: D. This show had one good match in it. That’s all. You have a decent opener so that was ok. Then the Women’s match was absolutely a disgrace. Never in my life have I seen a dumber thing. Seriously, we get a ten minute concert of all things and then you don’t even see the older divas, in a match for NOSTALGIA get introduced? My goodness that’s a joke. Plain and simple, that was pathetic.

That was to get a weak comedy act in when it could have been something very cool. Austin could come out at the end but not come out to beat up Jericho? That would have saved that whole thing. Hardys match was just ok. Not great but could have been worse by far. IC Title was to get to JBL quitting so I don’t even call that a match. Then we have the one match: Taker and HBK was an absolute classic, hands down.

Maybe not the best ever as Steamboat and Savage was almost too incredible to ever be passed, but this was by far the best match in many years. After that, the three way was ok and the main event was just a waste.

Overall, watch Taker and HBK and if you’re out of other good matches to watch, check out MITB and the Triple Threat. Other than that, avoid this show. Is it the worst Mania of all time? It’s not due to HBK/Taker, but that’s literally the only thing keeping it ahead of 2 and 9. Terrible show.

 

 

 

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Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania XXIV (Original): So Long Ric

Wrestlemania 24
Date: March 30, 2008
Location: Citrus Bowl, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 74,365
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Jonathan Coachman, Joey Styles, Taz
America The Beautiful: John Legend

Since this Mania is just over a year old, I’m going to assume that most of you already know the main ideas behind it. Your truly big match here was Ric Flair in what was known would be his last match vs. Shawn Michaels. Without a doubt to me, this should have closed the show. World Titles aside, neither match is going to be as emotional as this. Flair was offered the chance to close the show and said absolutely not which I can admire.

Your other big feuds coming into this were Orton vs. HHH vs. Cena and Edge vs. Undertaker. There was also a match between boxer Floyd “Money” Mayweather and Big Show which still boggles my mind to this day. I’ve heard some great and some bad reviews for this, so I guess we’ll have to see how well it holds up a year later.

We get a recap kind of telling us how the entire year has gone which is kind of a cool thing that would help a lot if it was a permanent thing. The open stadium concept is truly awesome and looks great. They have kind of a dome over the ring to keep the rain out which is also smart of them. After America The Beautiful, it’s time for our first match.

JBL vs. Finlay

This is a Belfast Brawl, meaning no DQ I suppose. This match/feud stems from the most absurd storyline I can ever recall as Vince had his illegitimate son Hornswoggle face him in a cage match. Vince beat him up with a belt as Finlay came in for the save. JBL then cuffed Finlay to the cage and beat up Horny.

I remember this buildup being quite good but looking back at it now, I can’t believe I actually thought this was good. Seriously, they’re fighting over a freaking midget. Then we get the DRAMATIC reveal that Horny was Finlay’s song all along. REALLY??? The tiny leprechaun that hangs out with the Irishman who is the only person on the planet that cares about him is his father? I’m stunned.

They start on the floor and the bell hasn’t actually rung yet. Ok so it’s one of those kind of fights. JBL gets a big shot with a trashcan and Finlay is in trouble early on. JBL had lost a ton of weight and actually looked fairly lean by this point. After he takes forever to get some stairs into the ring his Piledriver on them fails though and here comes the older dude.

Nothing all that special here as it’s back and forth but intense for the most part. Well as intense as this match could be that is. Both guys control for awhile and then get hit by something to break the momentum. Is it bad that seeing Horny all scared and nervous makes me laugh and smile?

Finlay busts out a table as JR tries to make this seem all serious and such. It’s set up in the corner as I’m getting into this far more than I should. DOWN GOES THE MIDGET! Finlay goes the heck off on him with trashcan lids and JBL is more or less done on the floor. A suicide dive eats lid though and Finlay is in trouble all over again.

More going off follows as the crowd is into this. I’m not sure why but this is actually working pretty freaking well. It’s not a great match or anything but it’s very fun. JBL finally goes through the table for a LONG two. Finlay comes at him with stairs but JBL gets a kendo stick shot into the knee. The Clothesline From JBL ends it though. Fun match.

Rating: C+. If there has ever been a match where the term “fine for what it was” is appropriate, this is it. This match was designed to get the crowd going a bit and not be anything serious and that’s exactly what they went out and did. Nothing bad here at all but nothing to go out of your way to see. Run of the mill hardcore match but rather fun, and that’s all fine and good.

Kennedy says he’s going to repeat as MITB. Kim Kardashian did the interviews at this show so at least we have something nice to look at.

Money in the Bank: Shelton Benjamin vs. Carlito vs. Chris Jericho vs. John Morrison vs. CM Punk vs. MVP vs. Mr. Kennedy

 

You know the drill by now I’m sure. It’s weird to see Morrison as a heel. Morrison is a tag champion, MVP is US Champion and Jericho is IC Champion here. Nice to see the titles being treated so well here. I wouldn’t expect to see much in the area of play by play here as it’s way too much to call move for move.

Everyone not named MVP runs out to grab a ladder so he steals Kennedy’s when it comes into the ring. He and Jericho have a joust with them with the Canadian winning. Morrison grabs a ladder and puts it perpendicular to himself. He then climbs to the top and moonsaults while still holding the ladder to take out just about everyone! Sweet looking stuff!

Kennedy and Jericho are left in the ring with Jericho launching Kennedy into a ladder. Kennedy is like screw that and holds on before scurrying up. Morrison rides a ladder from the corner onto the middle ladder to stop Kennedy in an awesome spot. Kennedy sets for a suplex but Shelton jumps over Kennedy in a sunset powerbomb which pulls Morrison over too in a Tower of Doom spot. This is all in less than four minutes mind you.

With everyone more or less dead Punk goes up but just kind of stops so Shelton can make the save. GTS to Shelton and Punk goes up again. Carlito makes the save as I forgot he was even in this at all. There’s a ladder between the ring and the railing which makes me think nothing is going to go well for the ladder.

And I’m right as Shelton almost makes it up there but gets the whole ladder shoved over and flips onto the bridged ladder, breaking it in the middle. Morrison almost makes it but gets caught in the Walls by Jericho in a spot he and Benoit did at the 01 Rumble. Now Kennedy comes up so Punk has to springboard up. Carlito enacts Puerto Rican Affirmative Action and gets up as well, giving us five guys on two ladders.

Naturally they all fall down and leave Jericho there but Carlito saves it. Total spotfest so far. Backstabber off the ladder to Jericho and everyone is dead until MVP gets his wits about him. With no one in sight, Matt Freaking Hardy runs through the crowd and gets a Twist of Fate off the top to save the match. MVP had hurt Matt a few months ago.

Morrison is under a ladder in the corner and Jericho wedges the top of another into the rungs of the one in the corner, kind of making a big V shape. Morrison shoves the original one forward which allows him to be able to climb the ladder without having to have it open due to the wedge design. This is awesome stuff. Naturally Morrison gets crotched on the top but it’s still cool looking.

Jericho goes up again but Carlito spits apple at him instead. Kennedy drills him and shoves him off but Punk drills Kennedy. Jericho pops up again and hits the Codebreaker with a ladder to take out Punk. Punk more or less no sells it though and climbs up to stop Jericho as everyone else is pretty much dead. Punk knocks Jericho down into the Tree of Woe and grabs the case to win it. Total war the whole way through.
Rating: B. It was a wild brawl, but we just got done with a wild brawl. This was solid and the backflip ladder spot was sweet looking. Other than Matt returning though, there’s not much to hate. This was Jeff Hardy’s to win before he got wellnessed out of it. Another fun match and one of the best MITB matches ever as it was a total spotfest the whole way, which it’s supposed to be.

Hall of Fame Ceremony. This is Flair’s class, but he’s in the back getting ready so his kids accept it. The only ones that truly belong in to me are Flair, Solie, and the Briscos.

HHH is ready.
Snoop Dog is here. He sends Festus after Santino in a dumb segment.

Batista vs. Umaga

This is the Brand Supremacy match that was thrown together because there was nothing for either of these guys. I really wouldn’t expect this to be anything resembling good. Power match to start us off as you would of course expect. The GMs, Teddy and Regal, are here also. Umaga gets a spinwheel kick to take down Batista and take over.

A big boot sends the Animal to the floor. There’s the nerve hold as it’s all Umaga here. Middle rope headbutt misses though and here comes the Animal again. And so much for that as we hit the nerve hold again. This is rivetingly bad if that wasn’t clear. Samoan Drop mostly ends Batista so of course it only gets two.

Batista gets a quick comeback and so much for that as it’s over already. Samoan Spike is blocked though and Umaga’s head eats post. Spinebuster puts him down and the Batista Bomb ends it clean. WOW. That might be the least interesting match I have ever seen, which is saying a lot.
Rating: F+. These two had no chemistry together at all and it showed badly. This match was a waste as you had a multi-time world champion against a top mid carder. These brand supremacy things are rarely good and this was no exception. The other stupid part was Batista went to Raw a few weeks later. Totally bad match and I have no idea what they were going for here, but it didn’t work at all.

Mayweather vs. Show is anything goes and you can win by knockout.

Mayweather and company are here.
ECW Title-Kane vs. Chavo Guerrero

Kane won a battle royal before the show started to get this shot. By the time I was done typing that previous sentence the match ends. Here’s your match: bell rings, Kane chokeslams Chavo, pinfall.

Rating: N/A. There’s no match here so I can’t rate it, but this was exactly what was needed. Kane absolutely dominated here and it made him look like a monster. Well done actually.

Painfully bad Mania promo for the show that is already on.
Raven Simone does something for Make-A-Wish. Can’t stand her but it’s a cool charity.
Note: the following was written BEFORE Flair signed in TNA and before he came back to WWE in 2009.

And here it is. This is the match that defines this Wrestlemania. Many people, including myself, feel that this should have been the final match of the night. We knew that Flair was going to lose, but it’s the pure symbolism of the match that’s important. Many people have this match because it’s “an old man that should have retired 10 years ago.”

To them I have one thing to say: get over yourselves. Ric Flair was the man that drove the NWA and WCW through the roof in the 1980s. Without him, Sting, Luger and the Horsemen, and therefore DX, the NWO and the Monday Night Wars don’t happen.

Ric Flair means more to this business than all but a very few and if he wants to wrestle until he falls apart then so be it. When anyone, and I mean ANYONE, can last in the business at a high level for as long as he has, let me know. I’ll be at my wedding to Trish Stratus.

Some people like to talk about how Flair needed to hang it up. Maybe those people need to SHUT it up and let the man do what he wants. Vince didn’t let him go did he? I’m willing to go out on a short limb and say Vince has forgotten more about wrestling than any of us will ever know, so get off your high smarky horses.

As for the other participant in this match, Shawn Michaels may not have been the perfect choice here, but I don’t have a problem with it being him at all. So what if he and Flair are friends in real life? It’s Flair’s last match and if he wants to go out to Shawn, then blast it he should be able to go out to Shawn. Shawn puts on his best this time of year so why should this be any different?
Ric Flair vs. Shawn Michaels

The intros for both guys are of course great. You can tell the fans and the entire world knows that Flair is losing here but that’s fine here much like it can be at other times. We exchange hammerlocks to start and no one can get an extended advantage. They shove each other and Flair shouts OLD YELLER HUH?

Flair might have bitten his lip or something as it’s busted open a tiny bit. Shawn goes up but gets slammed off in a nice little touch. Flair goes up and GETS A CROSS BODY for two. That was kind of awesome. Old men flying through the air is cool for some reason. Baseball slide takes down Flair again though Shawn misses an Asai Moonsault and slams into the table, possibly legitimately injuring his ribs.

A nearly perfect suplex gets two for Flair as he’s hitting everything perfectly here. Remember if he loses he has to retire so they’re playing up the fight for survival deal here and it’s working for the most part I think. Shawn gets a neckbreaker to come back and hits a moonsault off the top to the floor to leave both guys laying. When I say hits I mean Flair sticks an arm out which slows Shawn down a bit mind you.

Forearm sets up the nipup and here comes Shawn despite not really being in trouble for the most part. There’s the elbow and Shawn sets for the superkick but can’t do it. Flair is like ok then and double scoops the legs to throw on the Figure Four. Flair has aged about ten years in this match so far. The rope is grabbed soon and we go to the backslide sequence that Flair has done a million times. That being said, Flair can’t really do it due to his age. That’s rather sad.

Flair goes back to the knee and now we get the REAL Figure Four. I guess the other was just a preview edition. Shawn reverses though into a cradle for two. Enziguri misses and THERE is the Figure Four. A rope is grabbed again but this time more damage is done here. However Flair does one WOO too many and gets drilled by the kick for two as Shawn couldn’t cover immediately.

Shawn sets for the kick again but Flair gets a low blow which brings a nice little smile to my face. That only gets two though as this is fairly solid stuff. Shawn gets his disfigured figure four on but like Flair is going to lose to that. He’s Shawn Michaels, not Jay Lethal. A rollup get two for Flair and they chop it out. Shawn is like screw it and kicks his head off. Flair gets up again, and although Shawn is sorry and he loves Flair, the third superkick ends Flair’s career. Well for about a year or so at least.

Rating: A. As I said, this wasn’t about the match. This was about saying goodbye to one of the greatest performers of all time. That night, the titles weren’t important, the atmosphere wasn’t important, and the show wasn’t important. This night was about Ric Flair saying goodbye to being an in ring competitor.

Should this match have gone on last? Yes I think that it should have. Nothing, and I mean nothing, was as important to the industry as the moment when his final match ended. It was a sad day, as Flair didn’t get to go out on his own terms completely, but at least he went out on the biggest stage in the world.

As for the match, it’s not nearly as bad as people make it out to be. Yes, some spots are blown. Yes, we knew what was going to happen. Some find “I’m sorry, I love you” to be corny. That’s fine that you think that way, but this match almost had me in tears all over again.

It’s so sad to see Ric Flair having reached the point where he can’t bridge up for a backslide anymore. This man was once the greatest performer in the entire world and now he can’t do a simple reversal spot. He broke out all of his old classics including the cross body block that made him famous by giving him the world title at the first ever Starrcade. This match isn’t great from a wrestling perspective but it’s more than that. This match is about the end of an era.

Flair gets a big sad moment but the real one would come tomorrow.
Edge says the Streak ends tonight.

So who gets to follow that match? I hate to say it but whoever they are, their match is going to go down a letter grade or so as it’s simply not going to be easy to touch what just happened.

Beth Phoenix/Melina vs. Maria/Ashley

Oh screw it. I was going to try to be nice to whatever came next and I get “bunnymania”? Well crud. This is a lumberjill match, hosted by Snoop Dog in a pitiful attempt to bring celebrity status to this show. He’s driving something that looks like a golf cart that looks stupid. Santino is here to annoy all of us again as he helps the heels cheat to win.

Well at least Maria looks good. Actually only Ashley doesn’t here. Beth has to sell for this Ashley pest which makes my head hurt quite a bit. Snoop is so stoned he can’t stop smiling. Sweet merciful crap make this end already. Total time in before my head hurts: 34 seconds. Well I lasted longer than I thought I could.

The girls on the floor waste their usual time and no one cares at all. Maria saves Ashley. You can see the issue here with her being the better worker of the team. And there go the lights. Yeah you can’t see anything at all for about a minute or so. Ah there’s a spotlight. Well that helps a little I guess.

Glam Slam is blocked and we get some heel miscommunication. The lumberjacks get involved again and Maria gets two on Beth. Here’s Santino but Lawler attacks him which led to nothing of note. Beth pins Maria after Musclebuster. Snoop attacks Santino and kisses Maria, somehow making me less interested than I was when this started. This led to Glamarella if you’re interested for some reason.

Rating: F. Another waste of time in a bad match. How long is it going to take for the WWE to realize something: someone that is willing to be in a magazine doesn’t mean they can wrestle. The teams should have been switched so Melina can face Beth, as both can actually work. The lights went out during this match, as God himself is showing that he doesn’t care, and neither did I. Such a waste of time.

Recap of the Raw World Title match. Orton was champion, Cena got in by winning the Rumble and challenging Orton at No Way Out but Orton got intentionally DQed, and HHH is in because he won the Elimination Chamber that same night. I have never once liked three way matches for world titles at Mania.

The idea is supposed to be one on one for the heavyweight championship of the world, not three guys with false finish after false finish. I am however glad that this isn’t the main event of the night. It wasn’t the biggest match of the night and it wasn’t billed as such.
Raw World Title: Randy Orton vs. John Cena vs. HHH

Cena gets a full marching band entrance here. That’s rather awesome. Everyone goes after each other to start and we’re on the floor already. FU attempt on Orton almost immediately but he gets nowhere with it as HHH apparently fears Cena as he’d rather save Orton than get rid of him. You can tell Cena isn’t taking this seriously: he isn’t in his black jeans.

Orton gets both guys down and covers both of them multiple times which gets him nowhere. He keeps up the advantage though by slowly, and I do mean SLOWLY stomping both guys. Wouldn’t he give them more time to recover by taking so much time like that? Couldn’t he do better by stomping their heads the whole time? Double elevated DDT and our heroes are in trouble!

Cena comes back and hits the Throwback to HHH and the Fameasser to Orton but Orton manages to send Cena into the post on the floor to buy himself some time. Back to Hunter vs. Randall now. HHH works the knee but Cena comes in to distract him. Once John goes down the RKO takes down HHH.

Cena saves of course and the STFU to Orton has him in trouble. This is going by FAST. Cena tells him to tap but Orton doesn’t listen. I guess Cena isn’t one of the voices in his head. Back with HHH now as he hooks a freaking Indian Deathlock on Orton. WOW he’s busting out the way old stuff here. HHH back to the floor thanks to Cena and there’s the STFU again.

HHH literally comes in to pull Cena’s arms off of Cena. I guess HHH wants to cuddle him. He throws a Crossface on Cena for fun. I know he wants the title but I didn’t think he wanted to kill him. The fans are all over Cena here and it’s kind of funny to see. Boo/Yay thing with the punches and here comes Cena.

He initiates the ending sequence on HHH and sets for the FU but gets taken down by a clothesline. Pedigree and STFU are reversed but a facebuster and clothesline set up the spinebuster which sets up the Pedigree. Orton Punts HHH out of nowhere and climbs on Cena for the pin to retain. Nice little ending there.
Rating: C+. It’s ok and that’s all. Like I said, there’s nothing special here whatsoever. It’s not a bad match but it’s just ok. There was nothing Mania-like here at all. It was three men in a standard formula match. Why should I get emotionally invested into this match? There was no reason for me to and simply put, I didn’t.

We recap the boxer vs. wrestler thing. Okay, this feud has been over and done with for a solid year and there’s one thing I’d still like to know: WHO IN THE WORLD WAS THE FACE SUPPOSED TO BE??? This feud was ridiculous.

In case you don’t know, Big Show returned at No Way Out and got in the face of a really good boxer named Floyd “Money” Mayweather, who legitimately broke his nose with a punch. This led to a feud between the two, culminating in this match.

Over the course of the 5-6 weeks, we got terrible promos from Mayweather and Show and it was never once made clear who the face was. Should we cheer for the underdog that is an outsider or for the monster that looks like a bully? That was never answered which is a problem.
Floyd Mayweather vs. Big Show

Mayweather does the whole raining money deal. Naturally Floyd has gloves on. Mayweather dodges a lot and that gets him nowhere as we’re more or less just killing time for awhile. Floyd throws punches which don’t do much. This is going NOWHERE. Out of boredom, Show beats up one of Floyd’s posse.

Show grabs Mayweather’s hand and tries to step on it which doesn’t work. This is about 85% standing around and “jockeying for position”. Show almost gets a chokeslam but Floyd gets on his back for a choke. After nearly a minute and a half of this, Show flips him over and steps on his hands to send Floyd’s posse into a frenzy.

Big chop by Show in the corner as the posse shouts that Show can’t do various things, such as stand on his chest. I hate this match very deeply at the moment. Them shouting THIS IS FOR YOUR KIDS when Mayweather has like 50 million dollars makes me sick. He has money. I don’t want to hear about how he’s doing this for his kids. If they can’t survive off the paychecks he makes already, there’s a major problem.

Show hurts him a lot and drops an elbow. This is AWFUL. The posse pulls him out, Show goes to get him, he beats up the posse, the posse tries to give Floyd a chair, Show beats that guy up again, Mayweather pops Show with the chair and a shot with brass knuckles ends this via knockout, FINALLY.
Rating: D-. This was a mess. These things rarely work and this was following the norm of not working. Mayweather is simply too small to get this to work. He stands 5’8 and while he’s a great boxer, no one honestly believed that he could beat Show.

There’s no way to make this work: if Mayweather wins, Big Show looks weak. If Show wins, he beat a tiny man at Show’s own game on his turf. Either way there’s no way to make this work and they didn’t have one.

The other thing that’s a problem is that Mayweather has no business wrestling. He’s a puncher, but even with that there’s no way to believe that he has a chance here. They tried to make this look competitive, but the crowd was completely behind Mayweather for the simple reason of he’s average sized and Big Show is……well he’s BIG. This did not do it for me at all.

There’s a new attendance record.

Taker gets this title shot from winning the Rumble. That’s all you need to know.
Smackdown Title: Edge vs. Undertaker

Edge brings out Vickie in the wheelchair. Taker’s entrance remains completely awesome. He came out first which is odd yet traditional. What an odd thing to see. Edge is a four time champion here, meaning he’s won a world title every six months since then. Keeping in mind that he hasn’t had one since April of 2009, that says a lot.

Very basic stuff to start as we’re not going anywhere so far. Old School is countered but Taker shifts around in mid air into an arm drag. It gets NO reaction. That’s saying a lot as no one cares after something I don’t remember seeing before. Taker gets a running knee to the head and goes over the top in a nice looking move. Taker may have hurt his arm though.

Edge takes over and almost gets a countout. He goes up and gets caught like any good heel and here comes the Deadman. VERY slow pace so far as each short sequence they’re doing is taking 2-3 minutes each. Lash Ride won’t work as Taker’s back is messed up from various attacks by the evil Canadian. Edge drops Taker’s back over the railing and the Deadman is in trouble.

In the ring again and Edge throws on a half crab as a joke I suppose. Much like everything else in this match, that goes on for two minutes. They slug it out and take a guess who wins that. They FINALLY speed things up a bit as the chokeslam is countered into the Edgecution for two. Spear is avoided and the chokeslam gets two.

Old School is blocked AGAIN for two as Edge pounds away in the corner like an IDIOT. Last Ride is countered into a neckbreaker for two. Taker calls for the Tombstone but Edge counters AGAIN into the Edge-O-Matic for two. The third Old School hits and Edge is in trouble again. And there goes the referee to a big boot. Ok where are the cronies?

Low blow takes down the Deadman as does a camera shot but there’s still no referee. Like an idiot, Edge goes for a Tombstone and is reversed but there’s no referee. Charles Robinson runs down to count two. I don’t think you can count that as Edge doing the same as Batista and Shawn kicking out of all the finishers though so we won’t do it.

Ah I was right. Here are Curt Hawkins and Zach Ryder (shut up about him being in the Mania main event) and never mind as a double chokeslam gets rid of them. Spear from nowhere gets two and the fans are into it now. Edge sets for another spear but runs into the whatever that thing is called for the chokeout and submission.

Rating: A-. There’s just something missing from this match and I just can’t place it. All the elements are there as Edge and Taker are both well established main event players, the Streak is on the line and Taker gets a world title at Mania like he should, but there’s just something missing from it. Maybe it’s that these matches were done better later in the year. Either way, it’s certainly good, but not a masterpiece.

Overall Rating: C-. There’s a lot of good stuff here, but there’s only one truly good match. Yet again the tradition of messing things up with the Brand Split comes into play as the best match doesn’t go on last. This show should have been about Ric Flair, not a world title. Not many people can get that honor but it should have happened here.

At the end of the day, no one cared about what happened in the two title matches, or any other match for that matter. Flair going on in the middle of the show hurts it a lot. Other than him, there’s nothing noteworthy here to me at all. The show isn’t bad, but it’s hardly memorable. Mild recommendation but don’t go out of your way for it.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.




Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania XXIII (Original): That Just Looks Cool

Wrestlemania 23
Date: April 1, 2007
Location: Ford Field, Detroit, Michigan
Attendance: 80,103
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield
America The Beautiful: Aretha Franklin

After reading the card, the idea that I get is there are a lot of similarities between this year’s show and last year’s. The show is pretty packed, there’s adequate filler, the titles are defended, it’s got a huge crowd (second biggest ever) and it looks like a big show. However, as I remember it, it just doesn’t feel like a great Mania. I have reasons for thinking that which I’ll get into at the end, but for now let’s just see how this goes. Your main difference here is that ECW is now a part of the WWE.

After the standard Mania opening video package which is well done here, complete with someone is a dead ringer for James Earl Jones’ voice, JR and Lawler welcome us and the Smackdown commentators to the show. JBL really does have talent at the announce table. Aretha Franklin must weigh nearly 300lbs. As we should start off with, our first match is this.

Money in the Bank: Matt Hardy vs. Finlay vs. Randy Orton vs. Edge vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Mr. Kennedy vs. CM Punk vs. King Booker

I never got why they put so many people in these things. Having six or even four would make it MUCH better and you could spare some people for midcard matches. The arena looks incredible. The entrances take forever to get through so we’re going to be at about 12 minutes into the show when the first match starts. Kennedy does the Mic Drop. Big reactions for both Hardys.Everyone kind of stands around to start until Kennedy finally goes for a ladder. I never would have pegged him as the smart one.

Finlay of all people does the big dive to start the match. Edge almost gets up the ladder 90 seconds in but Matt makes the save. Orton and Finlay both go up but Jeff makes the save. You can’t say they’re not flying through this.Kennedy stops Hardy as Booker pulls out a stepladder by mistake in a funny bit. Edge picks up said stepladder and PELTS THAT THING at Punk’s head. Edge sets up the ladder as a bridge between the apron and the railing as I think I know what’s coming. Orton vs. Booker in the ring at the moment. Booker clears the ring and stops for a Spinarooni, allowing Edge and the Hardys to come in and stop him.

Edge suplexes Matt onto a ladder which I think breaks another one underneath it. In a SICK looking spot, Kennedy goes up for the Kenton Bomb onto Matt on the ladder but misses and the back of his head smacks the ladder. FREAKING OW MAN! Jeff throws in a Swanton as punishment for move infringement. Matt and Jeff go up and hammer on each other for a bit but Finlay shoves them both off.

Edge cleans house with about seven spears in a row but Punk makes the stop. Unfortunately there’s no ladder. Once he finds one though he busts out the Terry Funk Ladder Spin in a nice ECW homage (he was ECW at this point mind you). Edge busts out the BIG LADDER but Orton is shoved down. He walks into a Gordbuster by Jeff as we set up the huge spot of the match.Matt puts Edge on the ladder between the ring and the apron as Jeff goes up the big one. Instead of grabbing the case (JBL: GRAB THE CASE YOU CRAZY FREAK!) he dives off the ladder onto Edge, snapping the ladder right down the middle. INSANE spot and Edge is stretchered out which makes the flow of the match far better.

Everything more or less stops for a bit to take Edge out which is certainly understandable. Orton RKOs everyone in sight but Punk makes the save. RKO off the ladder ends Punk though as they just left Hardy laying there which is kind of funny in a sick way. Booker gets a Bookend off the ladder to Orton as everyone is down again.

Booker and Matt go up but Sharmell grabs Matt’s leg. Matt fights her off and threatens the Twist of Fate on her if Booker grabs the case in a creative move. Finlay’s head is busted BAD. Matt takes a Celtic Cross onto the ladder. Finlay’s back is too messed up to climb so here’s Horny to climb up and get the case for Finlay. Kennedy goes up and we get a Green Bay Plunge off the ladder on the midget.

Finlay is all like screw that and blasts Kennedy in the face with a ladder. In the words of Heenan: I told him not to touch that midget. Punk dropkicks the ladder to stop Finlay from going up. Kennedy vs. Punk on the ladder and down goes the blonde. Kennedy grabs a ladder and uses it like a javelin to mostly kill Punk and climbs up to get the ladder and end this.

Rating: B+. It’s not as good as the first MITB but it’s better than last year. The extra time helps a lot here but the ending is still relatively weak. Kennedy just climbs up the ladder to win the match. It’s fun, but it’s not mind blowing. It’s really a mess, and there’s nothing wrong with that as it got the crowd going like almost nothing else was going to.

Kennedy would of course get hurt and lose this shot to Edge who would use it to steal the title from the Undertaker. The Hardy/Edge ladder spot is absolutely insane and one of the sickest things I’ve ever seen. Kennedy says that he’s coming for the title. This makes me laugh.

Kane vs. Great Khali

Here’s your backstory: Khali was dominating Smackdown and said he wanted better competition. Kane accepted his offer and here we are. Kane looks absolutely tiny compared to Khali here and it’s almost scary. This is the big man battle and something tells me it’s not going to be very good. Oh and it’s inter-promotional.

I think you get the idea of what’s coming here. King says Khali is scarier than Andre which is again an eye rolling line. Lillian is looking AMAZING in a little blue dress. Khali dominates to start and continues to do so for awhile. Kane hammers away but it isn’t enough to get him anywhere. They’re using the big on big formula which isn’t very effective but what else can they do here?

And we hit the nerve hold as apparently a minute and a half is too long before we need a rest hold. King goes on about how awesome Khali is. He really is scary in person but he’s got nothing on Andre. JR calls Khali’s offense bowling shoe ugly. Preach it brother. Lawler calls him ugly in general.

Kane never can really get going here including not even putting Khali down with the clothesline. Khali gets tied up in the ropes and the beating is on. Kane is in trouble but he uses the meathook from his movie to get an advantage before slamming Khali which is the only thing here that actually gets the crowd awake.

The whole place is dead until then but soon thereafter Kane looks for a chokeslam but Khali counters with his two handed chokeslam to win. Afterwards he chokes Kane out with the rope from his hook. Nice thing to see there: attempted manslaughter with a deadly weapon. All hail the PG Era!

Rating: D. Short and bad usually makes a match better, but this was just flat out boring to me. The slam is all that’s keeping it from an F as neither of them were able to really get anything going here. Not a great match at all, but it did have one very cool moment in it. They went for a recreation of the Andre Slam but it just didn’t work at all.

Eugene is sad about being bald so Cryme Tyme helps him out by finding Kelly, Layla and Brooke. This leads to a dance party with a ton of HOFers and Legends. Ricky Steamboat, in full karate gear, pops up to stare everyone down but dances too resulting in the Ron Simmons catchphrase. Fun stuff of course.

United States Title: Chris Benoit vs. MVP

MVP comes out with cheerleaders as he’s the full on jerk here. I could get behind that, not the nice guy he turned into though. It never worked for me in the slightest which this was rather entertaining more often than not. He’s the brash young rookie and Benoit is, well he’s Chris Benoit and the US Champion. I think that sums this up pretty well. Basic story is MVP wanted a shot and Benoit said ok.

Benoit takes it to the match but MVP actually counters him in a nice move. MVP puts Benoit down and shouts FIRST DOWN in a cool bit. Benoit goes for the Sharpshooter but puts the leg in the wrong way for some reason. Crossface is countered and Benoit’s lip is busted. MVP works on the arm which takes away the Crossface which makes sense.

The referee says six minutes rather loudly which always makes me chuckle for some reason. Benoit busts out the Germans but MVP gets up to stop the headbutt from coming off the top. Superplex has Benoit in trouble as it gets two. Benoit’s arm hits the post and MVP pounces like a crazed Benoit. Wait that’s an oxymoron. He pounces like a Benoit and works the arm hard.

In a nice sequence, Benoit holds the rope to avoid a big boot but when he comes in MVP hits the boot anyway. I liked that. Crossface is attempted but MVP hammers the arm and Benoit can’t hook it. Pretty good stuff so far. Ballin, which is called Count It here gets two. Big boot in the corner misses and here come the Germans again.

More Germans come in as you would think this is happening in France. There’s the headbutt…and it gets the pin? They didn’t even use the full six minutes. The ending kind of came out of nowhere but it worked for the most part as the Crossface would have been a headscratcher here.

Rating: B. The ending is what ruins this for me. It’s like they were cut off mid match and it really hurt them. Other than that, this was great stuff. MVP surprised me here and would go on to beat Benoit in two straight falls to win the title at Backlash. Give this another three minutes or so and it’s great stuff indeed.

Trump runs into the Boogeyman and seemingly couldn’t care less.

Hall of Fame class is presented. This one was kind of weak as the main people were JR, the King and Dusty Rhodes. Not terrible at all but there wasn’t a big name in it, much like the first of the new round of classes.

Recap of Batista vs. Taker. The idea here is simple: Taker won the Rumble and picked Batista. This was a pretty big buildup at the time and it worked quite well I thought. The best part about this match is it marked the end of the really annoying tag team main events at No Way Out.

All it would be was the Smackdown main event teaming up with the Raw main event in a tag match with one “turning” but not getting booed. This year, Batista made the “turn” and once again, no one cared. Also, this should have been the main event. Taker in a title match at Mania is something special.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. Undertaker

Taker gets the full on entrance here complete with lightning, thunder, smoke and druids holding fire. A poll says that there’s an 80% fan vote that Taker wins the title here. And people say WWE fans aren’t smart. The entrances and buildup took nearly 15 minutes in total for this. Spear by Batista IMMEDIATELY but Taker throws him into the corner as we’re on hard and fast.

They slug it out on the floor and Taker eats steps with his knees. That must be incredibly awkward at dinner. Batista goes up top and comes off with a shoulder block for two. They’re going all big and hard here and it’s awesome so far. Taker punches up from his knees and it’s Boo/Yay time. Snake Eyes and the big boot combination put Batista down for two.

Old School connects but Batista blocks the chokeslam to HUGE heat. Taker beats him back and hits the apron legdrop for a nice reaction. BIG Taker Dive has Batista reeling. We stay on the floor and Batista reverses to send Taker into the timekeeper’s table. We enter Spanish Land with JBL and Cole having to get out of the way as Batista gets a powerslam through the table.

White heat on Batista as he rolls Taker in for two. Batista Bomb is blocked to a sweet reaction. Belly to belly by Batista gets two. We go Mania X-7 as Taker gets the Last Ride out of the corner to counter the ten punches. It’s really just a powerbomb but it worked fine. Naturally that only gets two as this is pretty solid stuff so far.

Spinebuster hits but Taker is like forget that and sits up. Chokeslam gets two as the fans are COMPLETELY behind Taker. Bad spear by Batista shifts momentum again. Batista Bomb gets two as the fans are scared to death at this point. Another Bomb is blocked and because Batista is STUPID he goes for a Tombstone. Taker is all like boy please and the REAL Tombstone makes Taker 15-0.

Rating: B+. This match was solid to me. There’s no real botches other than arguably the Last Ride which you can attribute to a few things: Batista’s size, Taker being spent, the speed he pulls it off in etc. Although to be fair, it wasn’t like it looked terrible. It was just a regular powerbomb.

This is probably Batista’s best match ever. Taker put on quite a performance as well, just like he does every year here. The only thing I didn’t like was the ending, which while it wasn’t as bad as Benoit/MVP, it wasn’t the best. Either way, definitely a good match and I was entertained the whole time.

This was two guys out there throwing bombs at each other and while it’s not quite as good as some of their later matches, this was a war with both guys working hard the whole time. The crowd was awesome the whole time too as they let Batista know they didn’t like him at all and there’s not a thing wrong with that. Good stuff indeed.

Stephanie and the next generation of McMahon are in the back with Vince. Nothing of note, although there’s a camera in the stroller of course.

Sandman/Rob Van Dam/Tommy Dreamer/Sabu vs. Elijah Burke/Marcus Cor Von/Matt Striker/Kevin Thorn

This one really makes me scratch my head. Why in the world is this not a No DQ match? They had that next month at Backlash, so why not here? It would make so much more sense for this to be one of those, rather than just an 8 man tag. That ECW song never gets old to me. Standard old vs. new thing here. ECW guys are wrestling at Wrestlemania. How weird does that sound?

Burke is now more commonly known as D’Angelo Dinero and collectively they’re known as the New Breed. Striker as a wrestler is just odd indeed. Striker vs. Sabu starts us off here. Sabu totally misses a springboard clothesline for two anyway. Sandman goes up and hits a legdrop across the back of Striker as he’s laid out over the top rope.

Cor Von (Monty Brown) in now as they’re tagging in and out very fast. Dreamer plays the face in peril and gets the tar beaten out of him of course. Big back drop by Burke and Cor Von sets up the double knees in the back of Dreamer by Burke. Sitout powerbomb by Thorn gets two as Sabu makes the save.

Double tags, one to RVD and the other to Striker. That’s just amusing given what we know now. Sabu dives over the top to take out Cor Von and lands on his head. Dreamer plants Striker and with everyone else down, the Five Star ends Striker with ease.

Rating: D+. This was there and that’s about all I can say about it. Again, why in the world was this not a hardcore match or a weapons match? Joey freaks about the ECW guys winning at Mania, which is so against what they stood for originally that it’s not even funny. Kind of a cool moment though I guess.

Recap of the Battle of the Millionaires. This is your real main event but it’s not for the wrestling. The reason this show got the ratings that it got was Donald Trump possibly getting his head shaved. As I’ve mentioned before, Trump must really like wrestling given this is his 4th appearance at Mania.

There’s a big problem with this match: Lashley was as big of a lock to win as anyone could ever believe. He was being pushed to the moon, Umaga never won a really big match yet and there was no way Trump was getting shaved, which no one actually thought would happen.

Austin is your guest referee as he has to be at Mania. This is what he should be. He gets the big pop and is still viewed as a tough guy. I like these appearances but few others do. Anyway, the idea is that each billionaire picks a guy and they have a match. The losing rich guy gets his head shaved.

Bobby Lashley vs. Umaga

The entrances literally take over ten minutes as Vince, Umaga, Trump, Lashley and Austin all have their own entrances. Right off the bat, this match looks boring. Shockingly enough, I’m right. Trump has real $100 bills rain from the ceiling which is pretty awesome. Lashley is ECW Champion here and Umaga is IC Champion here but that doesn’t mean anything.

Ross points out that Umaga has no amateur background. Gee you think? Austin breaks something up for Lashley and the darker skinned dude doesn’t take kindly to it at all. Middle rope shoulder block puts the Samoan down. Umaga gets a foot under the rope and Lashley isn’t thrilled with it being broken up. He kills Estrada to vent some frustration.

Umaga misses a charge and hits the floor with a big old thud. Ross and Lawler calling wrestling is just…right. A few seconds after Umaga hits the floor, Lashley does the exact same thing, crashing out on the outside which I’d assume will set up Umaga’s dominance which I’d assume will include a nerve hold. Big splash gets two for Umaga.

Points to Trump for being INTO this. He’s cheering for Lashley and is clearly interested in what’s going on. Have to give him that: the guy is at least acting like he wants to be there which is a lot more than you can say about some celebrities at Mania. Umaga chokes on the ropes and Austin pulls him away by the hair. Can’t beat a tough referee. Ok you can but you get the idea.

Samoan Drop hits as it’s all Umaga here. Vince’s eyes are sparkling. Lashley gets some punches in but can’t slam Umaga. I guess he’s no Hogan. Lashley sends Vince down by mistake. No wonder he got fired. Bobby manages to slam Umaga off the top and both guys are down. Austin counts but gets to 9 and just doesn’t count them out.

Shane comes out to help Vince up and hangs out at ringside. Austin pulls Umaga off again, this time by the eye. Samoan Spike to Austin and the evil smile on Vince’s face for that is just awesome to see. Shane gets in and hammers on Bobby for a little bit. Vince busts out some garbage cans because what’s wrestling without garbage cans?

The garbage can is set up in front of Lashley’s face and the Van Terminator hits. Shane pulls his shirt off and has a referee’s shirt on underneath of it. A top rope splash kills Lashley but Austin makes the save. Umaga puts him down again and Trump isn’t sure what to do. Vince yells at Austin and TRUMP CLOTHESLINES VINCE! HOKEY FREAKING SMOKE! Umaga goes after Austin again but a Stunner takes him down and a spear from Lashley ends Vince’s hair.

Rating: C-. This was just a match really with nothing at all special going on in it. Make no mistake about it though: this is why Mania 23 was a success. This was HUGE and having Austin thrown in there helped a lot. Austin screwing over Vince is just right. This wasn’t anything great but it was fun and that’s what matters.

We get the head shaving thing which goes on for a good ten minutes. Vince glaring at Austin the whole time is just great. They really do shave the whole thing off too and Vince is bald. Austin stuns Trump as again this guy earns respect from fans.

Ad for Backlash.

Ready for your pointless filler?

We look at the dark match of all things which was a lumberjack tag match with Flair/Carlito vs. Chavo/Gregory Helms with Carlito pinning Chavo off the Backstabber. Is there a reason we’re watching this?

Women’s Title: Melina vs. Ashley

It’s a lumberjill match. Well at least we can look at the girls. You can tell they’re trying to fill time as they list off every one of the girls. Ashley is the Playboy chick of the year which is the only reason she’s here. Let the sloppiness begin. You can tell the fans are mostly not caring here.

Melina gets a surfboard as the crowd is just DEAD. When you can’t get fans excited over a ton of hot women you know you’re in trouble. Ashley is just horrid in the ring and everyone knows it. She misses a horrible looking elbow off the top and is covered for two and ZERO heat at all. A rollup keeps the title on Melina.

Rating: F. This was terrible and a waste of match time.

There’s a big brawl with all the girls post match.

The fans favor Cena 59-41.

We recap Cena vs. Shawn which is happening because Shawn won a triple threat match against Orton and Edge. They play up the old vs. new thing here which is fine. The start of the video is music playing very lightly in the background with no lyrics against video of the two of them. They change that at the end and switch it up to a more traditional package but it worked rather well for a big buildup video.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Shawn Michaels

This should be awesome. Shawn comes out to the DX music which isn’t right for the main event of Wrestlemania, period. Oh Shawn and Cena are tag champions here. I forgot about that and it means jack here. Thankfully Shawn doesn’t wear the title belt to the ring as it would look so painfully out of place. The fans boo Cena as soon as Shawn’s music ends so you know what to expect.

Cena’s awesome entrance this time: a Mustang is shown driving around Detroit and into the arena. The booing when Cena’s music hits as he gets out is epic. Shawn sits on the top rope all calm and cool which is very Shawn of him. Shawn offers a handshake but slaps Cena instead and it’s on. Crotch chop for Cena.

Shawn wins the opening strike off and puts Cena down with a chop. Shawn controls for the most part and speeds things up so Cena takes his head off with a clothesline. Can’t beat that at times. Shawn is starting to get all ticked off here which means this is about to start getting good. A hiptoss sends Cena to the floor and it’s almost all Shawn.

Enziguri has Cena reeling. Shawn hits the ring and lands an Asai Moonsault onto Cena and onto the table which is AMERICAN so it doesn’t break. I think this legitimately hurt Michaels’ ribs but I’ve heard different stories on that. Cena gets the skin peeled off his chest with chops. A shot to Cena’s knee has another part of the champion hurting.

Things slow down a bit here as Shawn talks to Cena in a way we’re supposed to see I think. Cena gets a big punch in but Shawn throws a shoulder to keep Cena in the corner. Shawn charges again but his head eats turnbuckle (George Steele did it better) and he’s busted open. Ah ok the replay shows that it was the post which makes more sense.

Cena gets some mounted shots to SOLID heat. Superkick misses and down goes the referee. He has a bad habit of doing that at Mania. There is blood all over Cena’s shoulder. FU is countered into a DDT for no cover since the referee is out cold still. Shawn hits the floor and unhooks the steps. How are we just barely over halfway through with this?

Somehow that only gets two as another referee comes out. Shawn busts out the forearm, the nipup and the elbow. It’s time to tune up the band but Cena gets a clothesline out of desperation to make the stop. FU is reversed. Might have worked better if Cena hadn’t stopped to turn to the camera. I wonder if that’s Shawn’s blood or Cena’s blood on the top of John’s head.

FU hits on the second attempt and Shawn is in big trouble. That only gets two but you would think the Lions just made the Super Bowl. The only difference is that this was possible. Cena sets for the FU off the middle rope but Shawn fights him off and gets a cross body. Cena catches him and rolls through into the FU but Shawn counters and looks for Chin Music. Cena ducks with a drop toe hold but Shawn counters THAT into a small package for two. Great sequence.

Enziguri misses and STFU is locked on. A rope is grabbed and Cena yells at the referee. BIGGEST CHIN MUSIC EVER takes Cena’s head off but Shawn can’t cover in time and it only gets two. Double count gets us to nine and Shawn swings away but the champ counters into the STFU again and Shawn can’t get out this time and Detroit all wants to cry as Cena retains.

Rating: A. Great match. Cena can turn it on in the big matches like few others can. Shawn is one of those few that can turn it on even better though and he certainly did here. They beat the tar out of each other with both guys working incredibly hard out there to show off for the huge crowd. Cena has made both members of DX tap in consecutive Manias. How many people can say that? The leg injury disappearing holds this back a bit, but great match either way.

Overall Rating: B. This is a solid show but it’s not great for some reason. There’s just a little something stopping it and I’m not sure what it is. I think that part of it is the main event. It’s a great match, but the problem is that once it’s done things are exactly as they were before.

The Battle of the Billionaires was good but it could have been so much more. The show is worth seeing but there are far better ones out there. See the main event for sure and Batista vs. Taker is worth seeing too. Good show overall, but just a step behind the great ones.

 

 

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Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania XXII (Original): On The Forgettable Side

Wrestlemania 22
Date: April 2, 2006
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 17,159
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz
America The Beautiful: Michelle Williams

Now this is an interesting show. We’re now fully into what I guess you would call the modern era of both the company and Mania. Cena is the dominant world champion, Orton was his evil self, Taker’s Streak is at full power and Shawn is his Christian self. This show is much like 19: it’s solid, but easily forgettable for some reason. The wrestling is good but at the same time nothing jumps off the page at you.

This is also Kurt Angle’s more or less swan song in WWE as far as major angles go. He was drafted to ECW a few months later and after that did little to anything of note until his release and arrival in TNA. Jeff Hardy was about four months away from his comeback. The card looks somewhere between good and better than good so let’s get to it.

An added factor to this show is that I went to the follow up Raw exclusive PPV, Backlash, the next month. Since I remember it fairly well, I’ll be able to throw in some post show stuff leading up to Backlash.

After America the Beautiful it’s the standard history package to start with I Dare You by Shinedown playing which is a very good song here. The recap videos are something that WWE has always done very well. I don’t remember much of this buildup as it was three years ago but the packages help a lot. The theme song here is Big Time which is a bad pop song. Wrestlemania is supposed to have a freaking ROCK song with it, not a bad pop song.

A video runs us through the main matches and I have to think of the stupid Rey main event tour. Also tonight it’s Cena vs. HHH and Shawn vs. Vince. This is one of the weaker Manias as far as cards go if you didn’t get that.
Raw Tag Titles: Big Show/Kane vs. Carlito/Chris Masters

This was around the time that the two giants were just crushing everyone in their paths with reckless abandon. Carlito and Masters were two young guys that weren’t quite thrown together to face them here. As usual the Chicago crowd is white hot. Kane and Show come out together and weigh over 800lbs. How in the world is Kane the lightweight on a team?

Masters vs. Kane to start us off here. This is the first time in seven years that the titles have been defended at Mania in a traditional tag match. That’s kind of pathetic when you think about it. Show comes in and drills Masters a bit. Big chop in the corner makes people say WOO even though it’s a different kind of chop than Flair threw.

Show slams him and steps on the chest of Masters who tags out to Carlito. The Puerto Rican tries a wristlock and is promptly lifted up into the air and crotched with ease. Show launches Carlito onto Masters on the floor. Kane throws out a clothesline to both but lands between them resulting in a massive THUD on the floor but is up first. Total and complete dominance so far.

Somehow the challengers got the buckle off and Carlito dropkicks Show’s knee to send Show’s head into the buckle. Off to Masters now but like idiots they try a double suplex and get launched for their troubles. Kane comes in and a huge backdrop takes down Carlito.

Carlito gets a boot up and that more or less ends his offense. Masters manages to get the Masterlock on Kane but Show kicks him in the face to break it. Backstabber to Kane but Carlito walks into a chokeslam. Masters saves but Kane gets up. There’s no end to these guys. Chokeslam to Carlito ends this.

Rating: D+. It wasn’t a classic but it wasn’t supposed to be. This was little more than a glorified squash and that’s just fine for an opener. Both teams would be split up within a month though as the heels argued over who cost them the match here, leading to the Backlash opener which the newly face Carlito would win with a Backstabber. Kane and Show would lose the tag titles to the Spirit Squad of all people and Kane would begin to go insane.

They began a weird tweener vs. face feud where Kane’s voice would play throughout the arena as somehow not only could we hear his thoughts but they were wired around the arena. It tied in somehow to Kane’s See No Evil movie, but it was still pretty bad. It culminated with a fake Kane, apparently from Kane’s past, beating Kane at Vengeance. It made no sense and was a total waste of about three months.

Masters and Carlito argue post match with the fans supporting Carlito.

Shawn says he doesn’t regret telling Vince that Vince needed to grow up because it was the truth. He talks about how he’s always stealing the show at Mania but not to expect a five star classic out of HBK. Tonight is about violence because tonight it’s Vince that needs to pray as tonight Vince is enduring his own personal torment.
Money in the Bank

Matt Hardy, Shelton Benjamin, Finlay, Ric Flair, Lashley, Rob Van Dam
Lillian in that dress with the cut down to her stomach made me lose consciousness for a bit there. Shelton is IC Champion here so no defense of it again. All four commentators are talking here. Van Dam is pretty clearly the most popular guy here. Lashley is a freaking beast. Flair comes out last because I guess he’s the most exciting one with a ladder? That pink robe kind of makes me think he’s not very extreme.

This is only the second of the matches so there isn’t really a track record. RVD chant to start as Lashley destroys everyone with power. Matt brings in the first ladder but Van Dam hits a baseball slide to stop it from coming in and dives on the ladder onto Hardy. No one is in the ring at the moment until Finlay vs. Shelton goes on there. Shelton hammers him with a ladder which is set up in front of the ropes like a ramp. Shelton gets a running start and hits a big flip off of it onto everyone not named Flair.

Finlay and Flair go up but the ladder isn’t in the right place for Flair. Matt goes up and suplexes the young 57 year old down. Flair is in agony and the referee throws up the X for him. Hey, did you know he broke his back in a plane crash in the 70s? Didn’t know if the first million or so times we told you that got it through or not. RVD drops Shelton onto the ladder but misses Rolling Thunder on it. There are only five people in there still at the moment.

Lashley goes up very slowly of course but Shelton runs up only to get popped in the head. Shelton fights him off but can’t get a sunset bomb to take him down. Matt and Finlay help him out and down goes Lashley finally. Another big RVD chant starts up. Matt takes over on offense but when he puts a ladder in front of Finlay to charge at him Finlay throws the ladder at him for a FREAKING OW MAN moment.

Here comes Flair because he hasn’t been on camera for almost five minutes. Did he need to be oiled or something? Since the ring is empty he sets up a ladder but is stopped by Matt. Flair chops some people away and touches the case. Finlay pops up with the club that no one can spell and takes Flair down. The case is swinging though so Shelton is able to stop him or at least slow him down.

Shelton knocks him down and tries to go up but Lashley shoves it down. Van Dam hasn’t been seen in a good while. Oh there he is with a chair on the top. He jumps off and dropkicks the chair into the ladder and everyone is down. Hardy, the idiot that he is, sets up a ladder in the corner. Oh instead he’s doing a signature move instead of trying to win. What a shock.

He goes up and gets a hand on it, drawing a ton of boos. Finlay makes the save and we’re told he’s not a ladder specialist. Dude you go up. How hard can it be? Side Effect to Finlay off the ladder takes down Finlay, Hardy and the ladder. Van Dam climbs the ladder in the corner and drops a regular splash on Finlay. It’s good that he didn’t do the Five Star version as he would have killed himself.

In one of my all time favorite spots, Van Dam goes up top but Shelton springboards from the apron to the top rope to the ladder to catch Van Dam. That’s simply incredible and beats everything I’ve ever seen. Matt puts up another ladder but he and Shelton go down. Van Dam is alone and is like dude that’s awesome and wins the match by pulling down the case. He would win the title in June but lose it in three weeks due to getting high with Sabu.

Rating: B. Solid stuff here of course but WAY too short to be a great match. This was less than twelve and a half minutes long to give you an idea of how short it was. This was good but at the same time they needed more to it. Also with only Lashley and Van Dam being legit contenders out there it was a bit weaker than last year. Good match though.

Josh Matthews, with a lot of hair, is with Gene Okerlund who has no hair. Orton interrupts and says he’ll win the title tonight. Batista pops up and says he’s returning soon, which is true. Just three short months later he did return.

It’s time for the Hall of Fame class to come out. Bret Hart isn’t here which is understandable I guess. The rest is Mean Gene, Sensational Sherri, Tony Atlas (they’re all accompanied by Divas here if that means anything), Verne Gagne, William “Refrigerator” Perry (he couldn’t get a suit for this?) the Blackjacks, Eddie Guerrero (represented by Vickie who wasn’t a TV character yet) and of course Bret who isn’t here.

United States Title: John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Chris Benoit
No real storyline here as it’s really just JBL challenging him for the belt. In a really cool looking visual, the entrance ramp rises up like a garage and JBL’s limo drives out of it. Good lord Jillian Hall looks amazingly hot as a cowgirl. JBL has a hand injury here. JBL grabs a headlock to start and takes Benoit down with a shoulder. Benoit tries the Crossface out of nowhere but can’t lock it in.

Instead Chris settles for some hard chops in the corner. Out to the floor and JBL hides behind Jillian to take over. Benoit tries to chop back so JBL KICKS HIM IN THE FACE. Why mess with what works? Rolling Germans by Benoit must have JBL wanting to throw out some Nazi salutes. Benoit goes but get crotched. Eh with all those steroids in him the balls didn’t feel anything. JBL does Eddie’s dance to draw big heat and hits a superplex for two.

In a stat that I find almost impossible to believe, Cole says that only 5 matches in Mania history have ended in submission. I had to stop the match and go back to check on that. I found 7: Angle vs. HBK (21), Benoit vs. HBK vs. HHH (20), Rick Martel vs. Koko B. Ware (6), Steve Austin vs. Savio Vega (12-sleeper) Bret Hart vs. Steve Austin (13-Austin never tapped so I’m not sure if that counts), Roddy Piper vs. Adrian Adonis (3-sleeper) and Bret Hart vs. Bob Backlund (11).

Even with Cole being wrong, that’s still amazing. 7 in the first 21 shows meaning just one every three years. That’s either really impressive or really bad. Anyway JBL dances a bit more and hits Three Amigos. Benoit counters the third one but gets kicked in the face for two for his troubles. Off to a chinlock by JBL as things slow down a bit.

Benoit fights back and does Three Amigos of his own with Cole saying “this is how it’s done”, despite Benoit getting up differently than Eddie did. JBL did the same thing Eddie did. Flying headbutt by Benoit gets a long two. Clothesline misses but JBL grabs the referee to avoid the suplex. Clothesline attempt #2 is caught into the Crossface but JBL casually rolls him over and grabs the rope for the title. That’s the ending? Really?

Rating: D+. Seriously, that’s all there is here? The ending was flat out terrible. It made no sense at all and came from nowhere. JBL literally wasn’t in the Crossface for two seconds, and I timed it, before he rolled out. This match felt like it didn’t have a beginning and started at about 5 minutes in if that makes sense. Really not that good at all.

We recap the hardcore match between Edge vs. Mick Foley. Now this is the match this show is remembered for and with good reason. The story is that Edge stole the WWE Title from Cena using his MITB contract. Foley was the referee for some reason during the rematch, won by Cena. Edge of course says it was biased officiating. That leads to Edge challenging Foley, but Foley saying it’s hardcore. We get this.
Edge vs. Mick Foley
Joey Styles is on commentary here as he freaking well should be. Lita looks INSANELY hot here with the Edge vest, bra and jeans. Good freaking lord. Edge has a ball bat with him. Edge’s facial expressions as Foley comes to the ring makes this match already. That’s his best asset and always has been. When he gets in a big match, Edge’s face is just amazing. Foley has his (blue) flannel shirt on so you know he’s serious here.

Styles actually analyzes Foley’s choice of flannel which is a bit odd. Styles really is a great choice for commentary here as his voice just fits this. Edge swings away with the bat almost immediately which gets him nowhere. Tree of Woe by Edge early as Foley drops an elbow on him. Edge gets a shot in and has Lita hand him a cookie sheet.

These shots are LOUD. Foley takes a street sign to the head and rubs hit stomach. Do the sheets smell like cookies? Edge hits the spear after maybe two minutes and is writhing in pain from it. Foley gets up and rips off the blue flannel to reveal a belt made of barbed wire and the RED FLANNEL SHIRT!!! Foley whips him with the barbed wire and Edge is bleeding from the arm.

Edge is now tied up in the rope and the crowd pops for it. Foley hits the floor and finds Barbie, the barbed wire baseball bat. Lita comes in for the save by jumping on Foley’s back (seriously is there anyone she won’t hit on?) so Foley is like screw it and we get a Cactus Clothesline to the floor. That and a neckbreaker outside both get two.

It appears Foley has become Cactus Jack but when he tries a running knee into Edge into the steps he gets hip blocked into the steps which looked awful. Again the knees go into the steps. Does anyone wonder why Foley can barely walk anymore? Chair time by Edge. Sorry that there aren’t many jokes in this but there’s not much to make fun of. Edge hits the floor again and busts out a table.

Foley rolls off before Edge can put him through it so instead he just rams him into the steel of the ramp. That sound made me cringe. Back in the ring now and Edge has…oh blast it he has lighter fluid. He pours it on Foley but Mick is able to get a Piledriver to save his own life. Using a cookie sheet instead of a second chair Edge almost takes a Conchairto. He manages to get up and give Foley a DDT (not) on the cookie sheet.

Edge with Barbie now (is Lita Ken?) and he hammers Foley with it to draw blood. A bulldog onto Barbie gets two. Out to the floor goes Edge and he finds a bag of tacks. Oh dear. Apparently he had a bunch of weapons hidden underneath the stairs. Foley manages to reverse though and suplexes Edge onto the tacks. Considering Edge wasn’t wearing a shirt that was awesome.

Here’s Socko but Foley wraps it in barbed wire. Claw to Lita as well and now Foley has Barbie (make sure to use protection since Edge already had her). Edge takes a shot to the head and is busted open as well. Oh man he’s cut BAD. Foley, the nice guy that he is, rips the barbed wire deeper into the skin of our Canadian villain.

Foley finds the lighter fluid and holds it up like a treasure in a Zelda game. The table gets soaked in it and yep they light it on fire. In the famous spot from this show, Edge dives through the ropes and spears Foley into the flaming table, burning both men in the process. The pin is academic.

Rating: A. They wanted to make Edge look awesome and they certainly did it here. Foley looked great too as once in awhile he can break out a great match and that’s what he did here. This was exactly what they needed and was enough to let Edge get back into the main event. Great match and the Mania moment that both guys were looking for. In true WWE style, they would be partners weeks later.

Foley gets a standing ovation to leave.
Booker and Sharmell are in the back and Sharmell is freaking over Boogeyman. Booker says he’s not a freak magnet. He then runs into Pirate Paul Burchill and then Ted DiBiase and Eugene doing the basketball thing as I mark out. The basketball thing was where DiBiase would say that if a guy could bounce a basketball 100 times in a row he would give them 1000 dollars.

On about 97 he would kick it away. He laughs and offers Booker a chance at it, saying everybody’s got a price for the Million Dollar Man. Seriously people, go look up his old stuff. In my opinion, he is still the greatest heel that ever lived. One more note about the basketball trick, back in the 80s, a young man from Battle Creek, Michigan named Rob was swindled by DiBiase. He eventually changed his name to Rob Van Dam.

He also finds Snitsky licking Mae Young’s toes and Goldust dressed as Oprah. I love these kinds of segments. Goldie says Booker has to accept the freak in him to beat the Boogeyman. There’s talk of worms in mouths and in a place that Booker is angry over having Goldust whisper to him. DiBiase’s laugh takes us off.

Ad for Backlash. Hey I was there!

We see some sweepstakes winners that no one cares about.

Joe Theisman and Michelle Williams of Destiny’s Child are here.

Booker T/Sharmell vs. Boogeyman

The idea here is Booker keeps faking injuries to get out of matches and is threatened with being fired if he doesn’t wrestle. He was found out anyway and here’s your result. Oh and they’re both terrified of Boogey. Yes Booker, a five time world champion, is terrified of the Boogeyman. Booker wants Sharmell to start us off. It’s weird to hear Cole as a normal announcer at this point.

Booker comes in and hammers away. This is about what you would expect: Booker pounds away, it doesn’t work, Boogey dances a lot and Booker still can’t hurt him. Book End hits and Boogeyman gets up at two. Booker is sent into the post and Boogeyman pulls out a pocket full of worms. He has a snack and Sharmell tries to hit Boogey with his staff. She gets kissed by a mouth full of worms and runs. Chokebomb ends this with Boogeyman winning.

Rating: F. If I need to explain this, you’re an idiot. Did Booker get caught screw Stephanie while giving TNA inside information and choking out Vince at the same time or something?

We recap Trish vs. Mickie. In short, Mickie was psycho and wanted Trish. This involved seeing Trish in the shower and kissing her. I think they dressed up as each other a few times also. Trish finally has enough and Mickie loses it. Trish has been champion for like a year at this point so the title change was long overdue. Watching this video, the build to this was pretty awesome.
Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Mickie James

The main perk here would be their looks. Mickie would wear these really loose skirts which would often fly into the air. To the shock of no one, Trish looks incredible. It’s so ridiculous to see how far the Divas have fallen today. These girls have personality and are interesting and I want to see them fight after what felt like a somewhat epic storyline built around them.

Trish goes right after her and gets a Thesz Press to take her down. Big chop puts Mickie down. Trish knocks Mickie down into the splits and then kicks her in the head. Out to the floor and the Chick Kick hits the post to set the story for this match. Mickie works the knee because she’s intelligent despite being psycho.

She DDTs the leg for two as the fans are almost ALL behind Mickie here. Lots of knee work here which is the main thing involved in Trish’s finishers. She pulls Trish’s hair and slams Trish’s face into the mat in a painful looking move. Mickie jumps onto the leg and spins around, looking for praise.

Mickie is mixing up her offense on the leg between holds and strikes to it. See, THAT is important. It makes things far more interesting as instead of just sitting around with one thing we get a variety. She puts a leg bar on but Trish wraps her legs around Mickie’s head and gets a headscissors out of it. That was rather good actually.

They slug it out a bit more with neither girl having a real advantage. Mickie goes up but Trish catches her in the Stratusphere. Mickie counters that though and drapes the leg over the top rope again which gets two. Half crab is rolled up into a small package which gives us two and a great back shot. Mickie goes up again but is caught by a sitout powerbomb for two.

Trish hammers away and the Matrish avoids a kick of some sort. She sets for Startusfaction but Mickie rubs Trish’s crotch to break it up and then licks the hand that was down there. See, little things like that get the gimmick over. They set for the ending which is Mickie using the Stratusfaction but Mickie TOTALLY misses the rope and botches the heck out of it. A weak kick to the head ends it instead. JR’s line of THE NUTJOB HAS WON THE TITLE sums this up perfectly.

Rating: B. This would have been an A if not for the finish. I’m not sure which is better: the tiny outfits and how sexy both were in them or the fact that this was really a great match. The botch at the end almost kills this though, but aside from that it’s great and one of the best women’s matches I’ve ever seen. More importantly than anything though: I cared about it because there was an interesting storyline with developed characters. DO THAT MORE OFTEN!
All four McMahons are in the back and they pray. What do you really expect here?

Undertaker vs. Mark Henry

This match came about after Henry was for some reason pushed as top heel on Smackdown, feuding with Angle for the title. Angle beat him clean at the Rumble and then Taker had Angle beat for the title on Smackdown but Henry attacked the dead man. Taker than challenged Henry to a Casket Match for some reason and we get this. No buildup video for this either as they’re not even trying to convince us the Streak is in jeopardy. Henry is of course not afraid of the dark.

Taker gets the big entrance with the druids. Oh wait that’s just for the casket. Hey we do get a brief recap. I see why it didn’t get a full one. Daivari is Henry’s manager at this point but isn’t here. This would lead to the debut of Great Khali. Henry jumps Taker during his entrance, more or less sealing his fate. Taker gets a big boot and clothesline but can’t take Henry down.

Clothesline by Henry shifts momentum a bit. Can you believe that this is the same guy that was able to have classics with Shawn and then on the other hand you have Henry who had been there ten years at this point and has gotten worse after starting bad? If you can’t tell I’m trying to not have to talk about the match. Henry goes into the steps, Taker goes into the steps, Old School is blocked and the casket is open.

No one in the world thought Henry had a chance here and the fans are more or less accepting that. When Henry is on offense there’s no heat at all. Taker gets a boot to the shoulder and hammers away on it. Old School hits this time and Henry still won’t go down. Taker tries a Downward Spiral but is blocked, drawing a Henry Sucks chant.

Henry goes after Taker but misses, landing in the casket. Taker winds up in there also and they fight in there for a bit. Taker reaches up and chokes away as this is already needing to end. Back in the ring with Taker striking but he jumps into the World’s Strongest Slam for no cover as Henry isn’t that intelligent. Taker stands up in the casket and gets out rather easily.

Taker gets beaten down in the corner and then like the moron that he is, Henry climbs up to pound down punches. When do you see Taker try cross bodies or Henry do that? Not a fan of moves like those. Taker doesn’t get a Last Ride but more or less falls forward to put Henry down. Henry goes onto the casket so Taker dives over it to take him down. Tombstone in the ring and the ending is academic.

Rating: D. This was bad for one simple reason: there was no drama to it at all. Taker matches at Mania can work very well but at the same time there are matches where there’s no point to him being there, such as this one. I mean dude, Mark Henry? This was a joke and everyone knew it. Boring match and nothing happened at all.

There’s a Divas Lingerie show coming up or something.

We recap Shawn vs. Vince. There was a Raw in Montreal and Shawn apologized to the fans, who kind of accepted it. Vince comes out and laughs about it. Shawn says he needs to grow up, then throws a super kick at him, intentionally missing by as little a margin as he can. This launched a feud which mainly consisted of Vince trying to get Shawn hurt.

Marty Jannetty returned to try to help Shawn but was fired after something like two weeks. Shane faced Shawn on SNME in a street fight and they redid the Montreal finish. Somewhere in there Shawn was forced to kiss up to Vince. It was an ok feud but nothing great. The blowoff was supposed to be here, so let’s take a look. This was supposed to be Bret but he didn’t do it for four years.

Shawn Michaels vs. Vince McMahon

Shawn comes out first which is kind surprising. Vince is demonic according to JR as he comes out. McMahon is very proud of his physique and can you blame him? He has a framed cover of his Muscle and Fitness magazine at ringside which might as well have an X on the middle for the part that goes on his head. Shawn goes straight to the floor and we head to the tables quickly.

JR loses his headset which makes this match more enjoyable. Shawn grabs the framed cover and cracks it over Vince’s head. JR is completely one sided here because of Vince treating him badly over the years or something. The Spirit Squad hits the ring to make it 6-1. Who would have thought that Dolph Ziggler (Nicky!) would be a world champion before Shawn?

They hit their finisher which is where they all grab the other guy and throw him into the air as high as they can. Kenny misses a guillotine legdrop and Mikey grabs the bullhorn which is applied to the sides of their heads. Vince is able to recuperate during that time and hammers away a bit. Off comes the belt and the whipping begins.

Vince sets for Sweet Chin Music which is caught. Maybe he should have tuned up with a little Stand Back before he did that. Shawn fires away with the forearm and nip up so he can whip Vince a bit. Top rope elbow hits and it’s time to Tune Up the Band. Cue Shane with a kendo stick to crack Shawn in the head.

With Shane standing guard, Vince takes down his own pants. Yep it’s time for the kissing spot but Shawn gets his momentum back and sends Shane’s face into his dad’s back. Shawn pulls handcuffs out of somewhere (Vince maybe?) and ties Shane to the rope. After doing Shane’s dance, Shawn beats the tar out of him with the stick.

Chair time and a HUGE shot puts Vince down. Shawn sets for chin music but stops as Vince collapses. Instead he hits the floor and pulls out a ladder. A shot to the head puts down Vince as I think you know what’s coming here. Vince is dripping blood here. Chin Music is stopped again as Vince is almost lifeless.

Shawn pulls out some garbage cans and a table. Shane is still cuffed mind you. The table is set up after a can shot. Shawn goes up the ladder with Vince on the table and then climbs down. He had a scary look on his face before he came down. Out to the floor again and it’s the BIG ladder. Lawler says it’s 30ft high, meaning Shawn is about 15 feet tall. Shawn fires a crotch chop from the ladder and drops the biggest elbow ever to kill Vince. Sweet Chin Music finally ends this with Vince just collapsing from it. The pin is academic of course.

Rating: C+. Well this was supposed to be a beating and that’s exactly what it was. Vince can take one heck of a beating when he has to and this was no exception. Shawn looked great here with the whole letting the old Shawn sneak in as his mind was being affected by Vince. Good beating but Vince had literally nothing for about 8 minutes at the end. Granted he wasn’t supposed to so that’s easily forgivable. Fun stuff but not great.

Vince flips off Shawn from the stretcher which is just classic.

WM 23 is coming to Detroit.

We recap the Smackdown World Title match. Angle is the champion. Rey won the Rumble in honor of Eddie Guerrero and last eliminated Randy Orton to win. Orton went insane heel by saying Eddie was burning and managed to get Rey vs. Orton at No Way Out for the Mania title shot. Orton won and Teddy just made it a triple threat because he could. You knew there would be a triple threat in there somehow. This gets the music video treatment tonight, set to I Dare You by Shinedown. Love that song.

Smackdown Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Kurt Angle vs. Randy Orton

POD plays Rey to the ring which is always awesome to see. This would be cool but Rey has a massive headdress on which I think is taller than he is. Dang it Rey does no one look at you before you go out there? Orton is very cocky here and therefore awesome.

Kurt got the title when Batista was injured and Kurt won a battle royal. See, that’s the perk of having guys like him or Shawn. Got an injury? Need a totally credible main eventer to throw in there? How about Kurt Angle or Shawn Michaels as world champion? I think most people would be cool with that. I would be.

Orton jumps Kurt and the fight is on. Kurt is on the floor and Orton gets a dropkick on Rey for two. Angle gets back in and grabs a German on Orton. Then he suplexes both at once and Rey goes FLYING. That was awesome looking. Angle is all fired up here. Belly to belly to Orton as Kurt is killing it. Rey hammers away at baldie and the fans audibly boo. But it’s about EDDIE!!!

In a great spot, Orton is sitting on the ropes and Rey charges at Angle. Angle grabs him and launches him over Kurt’s head and Rey lands in a perfect rana on Orton for two. Angle suplexes Orton back into the ring and the fans are behind him. Rey gets a kick to Kurt’s head to take him down for two. The fans chant 619 and Rey gets a headscissors to Kurt who crawls into the 619 position like an idiot.

Ok maybe not so much of an idiot as Kurt grabs the ankle lock out of nowhere. Orton distracts the referee so the tapping by Rey isn’t seen. Kurt and Orton slug it out but I guess Kurt gets bored so he suplexes everyone in sight and hits the Angle Slam to Rey to the floor. Ankle lock to Orton and Kurt gets the grapevine. Rey pulls the referee out as Orton taps so Kurt has won twice in theory.

Kurt throws it on again but this time Rey drops the dime to break it up for two. Fans aren’t thrilled by that at all. Rey is sent into the post but Orton counters the Angle Slam and hits the RKO for two. Randy goes up so Kurt pops up the corner and gets the belly to belly. Rey botches the 619 then does it right.

Seated Senton gets two on Kurt. Orton kicks Kurt to the floor and gets a slick backbreaker into a neckbreaker for two on Rey. He sets for the RKO but Angle hits the Slam on him for two. Rey avoids the Slam and sends Kurt to the floor via an armdrag. 619 sets up the West Coast Pop to Orton to give Rey his first world title in less than ten minutes. Seriously, that’s it?

Rating: D+. Seriously, that’s it? The match was ok but for a world title match at Wrestlemania, that’s it? How many world title matches have you seen at Wrestlemania that don’t crack nine and a half minutes? The title reign was awful, namely due to him being booked like a joke but that’s another story. The match was ok but I thought it was clipped as it was so ridiculously short.

HHH and Cena are getting ready. The fans are clearly behind HHH here, openly booing Cena. Ross says most of the fans are traditional as he’s clearly out of stuff to talk about. Maybe a match ran short? LOUD Cena Sucks chant.

Torrie Wilson vs. Candice Michelle

This is a Playboy Pillow Fight and the reason they were stalling I guess. Candice is introduced from the wrong city. JR says the gate tonight is over $2 million dollars. That’s insane to say the least, especially considering this isn’t a stadium and has less than 20,000 people. Torrie’s music was recycled and is now used by Laycool. She has a freaking dog with her. Ross makes my head feel better by saying the next show is in Lexington. That made me smile.

These two had both been in Playboy. There’s a bed in the ring and pillows and all that jazz. You win by pin or submission. Do I need to explain what’s going on here? They’ve in evening gowns, they don’t stay on long, Torrie wins and they’re in very little clothing. We’re done. This got nearly 4 minutes. Yes, this got almost half as long as the world title match. This couldn’t have been added to that match perhaps? I guess not.

Rating: F. Long, dull, and a waste of my time.

We see some clips from the Wrestlemania press conference. Cena and HHH cut basic promos about being champion post show.

No real backstory here. Cena was champion and HHH won some worthless tournament.
Raw World Title: John Cena vs. HHH

HHH comes out looking like Conan’s mostly metrosexual brother. He’s wearing a fur pelt and a crown and a breastplate. He rises from a throne to play up the King of Kings bit. He looks absurd but at least after a few seconds we switch over to All About The Game which is a better song I think.

We then see…a newsreel about the Great Depression? Yes indeed, as we hear about the rise of Capone and organized crime in Chicago. The stage rises again as a 1930s era car comes out and fake gangsters armed with Tommy guns ride out. As a geek note, the one on camera side is clearly none other than CM Punk! Total mark out moment for me there as the gangsters surround the ring.

Even the fans are confused here. Cena’s music finally hits and he is booed out of the freaking building. He comes out in a black suit and fedora which would have been awesome had it not been for him wearing shorts and making the trench coat look like a bathrobe. He fires some blanks (honey it happens to a lot of guys I swear) and throws off the coat to reveal his t-shirt and the main event black shorts. We get the big match introductions which will never get old.

HHH is introduced as the Cerebral Assassin, the King of Kings, the Game, the 10 Time Champion. Cena is introduced as the Dr. of Thuganomics. They even get checked for weapons. That’s not something you see anymore. After a long staredown process they lock up and HHH grabs a headlock into a hammerlock. Technical stuff to start here.

Back to the arm stuff as we’re in a feeling out process here. The fans are all over Cena with a huge F YOU CENA chant. Cena tries an FU early but HHH reverses and DRILLS Cena with a right hand to take him down. Cena has to reset a bit as a HHH chant starts. The Game throws him to the floor as they definitely haven’t gotten going full speed yet.

HHH plays to the crowd but Cena sneaks up on him and hammers away. Back drop gets two. Fisherman’s Suplex with a floatover gets two also and we hit the chinlock. YOU CAN’T WRESTLE chant starts up which is just hilarious at this point. Cena throws him into the corner and HHH goes over the top and out to the floor. Out onto the aisle and HHH wants a Piledriver but is backdropped onto the steel instead.

Cena’s main offense has been the right hand and I can’t blame him at all for that. HHH fights back and chokes away. Out to the floor for a bit and Cena’s shoulder goes into the steps. Now why would HHH let the referee count? It’s giving Cena a chance to breathe and he won’t win the title that way. I guess you could argue it lets HHH rest.

Back in and HHH hits a suplex and Flair knee drop. Facebuster gets a big pop and a clothesline puts Cena down for two. HHH is covering after almost every move or two that he does which is a very nice thing for him to do. It makes him seem like he wants to win every time which is the idea. They slug it out but another neckbreaker takes Cena down for two.

Modified chinlock/neck vice goes on and Cena is in trouble. Cena fights up but walks into a sleeper. He hasn’t had a steady string of offense all match other than a brief one about 8 minutes ago. John fights out and takes HHH’s head off with a clothesline and both guys are down for a bit. Powerslam puts HHH down and Cena is in control.

Protoplex sets up the 5 Knuckle Shuffle. The shot of Cena looking at the crowd before he goes for it is great. HHH gets up and catches him in a spinebuster for a long two. Nice move there. Right back to the sleeper but Cena reverses quickly into the Shuffle which hits this time. He pumps the shoes and grabs the STFU out of nowhere.

In a nice show of strength though HHH crawls to the ropes and we’re not done yet. FU is reversed and the referee is crushed in the corner. HHH throws a low blow and hits both guys. Crotch chop to Cena as we have more DX foreshadowing. There’s the sledgehammer but Cena blocks it and hammers away (no pun intended) until a shot to the head takes him down. THAT somehow gets two.

Pedigree is reversed and here comes Cena. FU hits and gets two which results in an eruption from the crowd. Dang good match here so far. Cena has no idea what else to do as both of his finishers have more or less failed. A splash of all things misses but the Pedigree is countered into another STFU and the referee checks the arm. HHH keeps it up (Stephanie says yay!) but then after almost a minute in the hold HHH taps and Cena keeps the title.

Rating: A-. Great match here and definitely Mania main event worthy, but the problem comes down to this doesn’t feel epic. It’s a great match but at the same time it looks like just another title defense for Cena. This would have been a lot better if HHH had come in with the title and Cena had taken it here, but at the same time this worked fine.

Overall Rating: B. If there was a rating between B- and B this would get it. The whole thing is good overall but there are some spots that make you shake your head. For instance the Booker match, the pillow fight thing, the World Heavyweight Championship match, the MITB being so short etc. It’s a good shot, but it’s nothing I’d want to see over and over. It’s good for a rainy day but that’s about it. Recommended but not incredibly highly.

 

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Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania XXI (Original): Going Hollywood

Wrestlemania 21
Date: April 3, 2005
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 20,193
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz
America The Beautiful: Lillian Garcia

This show is probably considered to be the birth of the modern era of Wrestlemanias. We have Cena and Batista going after their first world titles, the debut of MITB and Randy Orton in a big match. There are some solid matches in here including some that boarder on classics, such as Shawn vs. Angle and Rey vs. Eddie.

This was the first show in a long time without Austin or Rock wrestling and it was up to the new guys to carry the company with the help of the veterans. You don’t hear much at all about this Mania, but that’s not what’s important. All that matters is how good the show is. How good is it? Let’s get to it.

Lillian is her usual stunning self singing America the Beautiful.

Before the first match there’s a montage of the Mania trailers. Since the show is in Hollywood this year that was the obvious theme: Wrestlemania Goes Hollywood. This resulted in an awesome set of fake trailers/movie scenes recreated by WWE guys. For instance there was Eugene as Forrest Gump, Undertaker as Dirty Harry, Cena and JBL as Tom Cruise and Jack Nicholson from A Few God Men and a montage of people trying to do “You Talking to Me?” from Taxi Driver. This is set to Behind Those Eyes by 3 Doors Down, my favorite band, so this is great.

This leads to the debut of the final trailer which is debuting tonight: Steve Austin as Gladiator. These are really well done and definitely worth checking out. They’re like a minute or two long so they’re not too long to sit through or anything. Check them out.

The announcers welcome us to the show complete with Lawler in a tuxedo.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio

They’re the reigning Smackdown tag champions at this point, but they’ve been having some issues. This would be before the split and the ladder match for the custody of Rey’s son Dominic. Yeah it was stupid back then too. The idea here is that Eddie is doubting his skill and Rey keeps beating him in friendly matches. Eddie’s pop absolutely dwarfs Rey’s.

The set looks great here as it looks like they’re coming out from behind a curtain like an old TV show. They also cost each other victories on Smackdown so there are some recent issues also. Crowd is VERY hot. Eddie grabs an armbar and takes over early on. They hit the precision stuff until Eddie launches Rey over the top and out to the floor. Rey slides in and misses a 619 and we’re at a standoff.

Back in and they try a test of strength but Rey monkey flips Eddie over while holding the grip still. Both bridge out at the same time in a cool visual. Rey lands on his feet of something like a backdrop and another monkey flip lands Eddie in the ropes. Rey gets sent to the floor and Eddie adds a plancha to take over. Big Eddie chant starts up.

Suplex gets two for Eddie. Surfboard goes on and I still wonder how they do that. In something I’ve never seen other than in this match, Eddie almost gets pinned as his shoulders are on the mat while using the hold. STF by Eddie and Rey slaps the mat once. Shouldn’t that be a tap out? They get up and Rey gets an armdrag to counter what might have been a powerbomb.

Eddie hits the floor so Rey busts out a tope con giro to half kill both guys. Seated senton gets no cover but Rey runs into an elbow and it’s right back to Eddie’s control. One Amigo hits but the second is countered into a rollup for two. Another powerbomb attempt is countered into a headscissors but Rey can’t hit 619. Backbreaker by Eddie gets two.

There are the Three Amigos as Rey’s back is being destroyed. Frog Splash misses though and we’re back to even. Rey keeps adjusting his mask. Magistrol (and yes I know that’s likely the wrong spelling) gets two for Mysterio. They speed things up for a bit and there’s the 619. Rey tries West Coast Pop but Eddie FINALLY gets that powerbomb for two. And then Rey gets a rana and grabs the leg for the pin out of nowhere.

Rating: B-. Fine opener here but they never hit that gear that I think they were shooting for. Good match but out of these two you would expect more. Rey and the mask adjustments took a bit of steam out of this as he was doing it every 8 seconds. Eddie’s pops were very impressive so of course they turned him heel soon after this.

JBL and his Cabinet runs into HHH and Flair. Good thing that never went anywhere. Both say how great they are and HHH burns JBL by saying eventually someone will believe JBL if he keeps saying how great he is. Orlando Jordan gets a WOO for his troubles.

Adam Sandler and that waste of skin known as Rob Schnider are in the front row.

Chris Jericho vs. Chris Benoit vs. Christian vs. Edge vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Kane

 

This is the debut of Money in the Bank, meaning this is the one that sets the standard. Jericho looks like a lumberjack with that beard. Benoit is Benoit. Christian is Pre-TNA so he has no chance here. Shelton is more or less at the peak of his awesomeness here and IC Champion. Edge is on the brink of greatness and Kane is Kane. If nothing else now I have the Waterproof Blonde version of Just Close Your Eyes in my head now. Oh and Christian has Tomko with him.
Edge is more or less freshly heel here but hasn’t established himself as a main event guy. He’s kind of going back and forth. In Kane’s entrance the ladders on the stage are lit on fire in a sweet visual. Everyone goes after Kane in the aisle which completely fails. Jericho blasts Christian with a ladder and it’s Shelton vs. Jericho in the ring at the moment.

The other two Canadians not named Christian get dropkicked off the apron by Jericho who adds a plancha to Edge. Christian dives onto all three of them and then Shelton dives on all five of them. Kane is like boy please and takes out everyone including Tomko with a big dive. Kane, the only one alive, goes for a ladder. Edge is in the ring and goes down as does Christian.

Jericho is able to dropkick the ladder into Kane and everyone is down for the most part. He destroys various people with said ladder and stands tall at least for a few seconds. Benoit grabs him while Jericho has the ladder and fires him with a German, sending the ladder flying through the air. He goes up but Kane tries a chokeslam. He gets caught in a Crossface for his troubles as does Edge. Kane breaks that one up with a ladder shot for no apparent reason.

Using the ladder, Kane kind of Pillmanizes Benoit’s arm. Edge takes Kane down as this is far too much at once to keep track of. Edge and Christian work together to take Kane down as Shelton is back in. Ladder in the corner with Edge slamming into it as he misses a spear. Stinger Splash onto it and him in a rare Sting reference.

Everyone goes up onto three different ladders and everyone comes crashing down. The T-Bone Exploder from Shelton to Edge was AWESOME looking. Jericho somehow gets up and turns some ladders over. He has to fight off Christian though and another ladder is set up as a ramp to the main one in the ring. Shelton debuts his signature spot to run up the ladder and take Jericho down with a clothesline.

Christian stops Shelton and then Kane starts going on. They botch a chokeslam over the top as Shelton gets his foot caught in the ropes. Tomko comes in to try and help Christian, even getting him all the way to the top. Kane is like screw that and shoves him off onto Tomko on the floor. Jericho slips trying to stop Kane and they both fall onto the top rope to put everyone down again.

Benoit sets a ladder up in a corner to launch himself off in a swan dive to half kill Kane. Ok poor choice of words there. Great visual on the wide shot though. He might have hurt his arm on that. Kane gets back up and they fight on the top of the ladder with Kane going flying off again. He’s taken a ton of bumps in this. Edge pops up out of nowhere with a chair to drill Benoit in the bad arm and pulls down the briefcase to win it.

Rating: A. Some of the spots in this are just insane, such as Shelton running the ladder. A BIG plus of this match having 6 people is we don’t have to have a bunch of bad injury selling on the ladder while waiting on people to be stopped. That’s the flaw with most ladder matches: you see people climbing a ladder at the rate of a snail.

In this case, that’s not a threat as there’s a total of 7 people counting Tomko. This is a huge mess, but a fun one. It launched Edge into the main event as he cashed in the contact for the title in January in a stunning event. Great showing, not a great wrestling match, but still fun.

Eugene is in the ring and saying how excited he is to be here. He talks about his favorite Mania moment, which is the midget army fighting Bundy at Mania 3. Muhammad Hassan, the best heel in forever in the company’s music hits. He’s mad about being left off the card and he beats up Eugene. That’s Sheik Abdul Bashir if you’re a TNA fan.

And then, in one of the biggest MARK OUT moments I’ve ever had, Real American hits. The place, in a word, explodes. Hogan slides in and the fans beat him down but Hogan is like people please and it’s a very old school double noggin knocker. He beats the tar out of Hassan and tosses him out. Daivari the manager tries a chair shot and gets a finger in his face. There goes Daivari and the fans couldn’t eat this up any more if their lives depended on it. Let the posing begin! Hogan simply belongs at Wrestlemania. This led to Hogan/Shawn vs. those two.

We recap Taker vs. Orton. Not much to say here. Orton got thrown out of Evolution and HHH cut his legs out from under him so they threw him against Taker to give him something to do and play into the Legend Killer thing. Oh and Orton’s dad is in there somewhere too.

Undertaker vs. Randy Orton

This marks the modern incarnation of the Streak beginning as Orton challenges Taker for no reason other than to break the Streak. To me, that’s not good. It takes away some of the story as there’s nothing personal going on at first other than honor.

To some people it’s great and it leads to solid matches most of the time, but I just can’t get into them. Orton was a face but challenged Taker so he RKOed Stacy, who was I guess his girlfriend at the time to show how evil he was. His Dad showed up and started helping him and no one cared. As the Legend Killer, this fit Orton like a glove.

Taker gets his usual sweet entrance with druids and torches. Do you think they chant like that in the back at catering? HUGE pop for Taker. Taker floats to the ring with a ton of smoke in the aisle. I mean he’s coming down the aisle and his feet aren’t moving. Is there any reason he came out before Orton though? This is the pre-orange Orton that still had hair and not a ton of tattoos. Always liked this version a lot better. No papa with him for the entrance.

Orton tries to use speed to start and then slaps Taker. That seems like a bad idea to me. We hit a headlock by Taker but a dropkick takes him down for one. Feeling out period to start here. Taker drills him with a right hand and Orton’s nose might be messed up. Orton rolls him up out of the corner for two. RKO is blocked and Orton is shoved to the floor.

Apron legdrop to Orton has him in big trouble. Old School keeps him in said trouble. The running boot in the corner misses and Taker is sent to the floor. They slug it out and Orton takes him down with a clothesline for two. DDT by Taker gets two as we haven’t really had one guy dominating for a long time yet. Side slam for two. Taker hits the Snake Eyes but the running boot is blocked by a back elbow for two as well.

They slug it out again as the fans are all over Randy. Randy tries a clothesline but Taker rams into him so hard that Randy goes down for two. Dragon suplex goes on and Orton taps but since that’s not the finish so we keep going. Somehow he manages to roll through into a DDT for two. And we hit the chinlock which is called a rear naked choke by Cole in an attempt to try to sound smart.

Sleeper by Orton lasts about two seconds as Taker gets a suplex. Powerslam out of nowhere gets two for Randy. Then like A REALLY STUPID PERSON he goes to the corner for punches and stops for posing. The Last Ride doesn’t work but neither does the RKO. Taker tries another Last Ride but Taker drops him or something.

Bob Orton runs in with the cast and drills Taker but the referee is down due to the RKO counter. The very slow count gets two and a big reaction from the crowd. Taker sits up and isn’t happy. Big boots takes down Bob and here’s a chokeslam. In one of my favorite counters ever, Orton shifts in mid air and grabs a good looking RKO for two. Orton wants a tombstone and if you don’t know what’s coming at this point you just fail. The pin is academic.

Rating: B-. Good match for the most part but there were times where they looked a bit confused. Orton had that one great counter and other than that he didn’t get much out there. This is a match that needed about two minutes cut out of it to really make it a lot better. Still not that bad at all though.

We recap Trish vs. Christy Hemme. In short, Trish is champion and Christy is this year’s Playboy chick. She can’t wrestle to save her life but she has Lita training her. There’s nothing else to it beyond that.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Christy Hemme

Well they’re all hot if nothing else. Lita is with Christy here as mentioned. Trish’s music sounds sped up a bit. The set is awesome here as it’s set up like an old school movie theater marquee with the name of the current match on the sign. Trish of course doesn’t take this seriously and it’s sloppy from the bell. The Playboy thing was really annoying as you had girls that couldn’t do a thing challenging for the title. Mickie next year would prove how stupid this was.

The fans chant for Matt who was out of the company at this point. Trish misses a kick and Christy gets one of her own for two in a sexy cover. Christy does the splits out of the corner and gets two on a sunset flip. To the floor and Trish is barely breaking a sweat. She shoves Lita who has a bad knee and Christy gets a rollup for two.

Christy kicks away badly and adds in a reverse Twist of Fate which is the whole selling point of the match. Naturally it only gets two. Christy rolls her up and we botch that too as Trish doesn’t kick out in time so the referee stops counting despite Trish’s shoulders being down. Chick Kick ends this like a second later. Trish would hold the title until the next Mania.

Rating: F+. They looked good and that’s all this had going for it. This is one of those matches that doesn’t need much more of an explanation at all.

We recap Shawn vs. Angle. Angle was obsessed with winning the Rumble but Shawn eliminated him. This led to Angle talking about winning the medal in 96 but people talking about Shawn coming down from the rafters at Mania and being the best wrestler in the world. Basically it turned into a game of I’m better than you and they had the match at Mania. That’s about it.

Some celebrities are here.

Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Michaels

 

Something tells me this will be a big better than the previous match. They have about 28 minutes to work with here, so do you really think it’s not going to be great? They stare each other down before the match starts and here we go. This in interpromotional and the referee is from Smackdown for no apparent reason. Shawn slaps him in the face and here we go.

Angle takes him to the mat and rides him with ease. The fans apparently think Shawn violated Bret. Odd choice of words indeed. I say odd a lot in these reviews. Shawn takes Kurt to the mat with a headlock and the fans chant for Angle. Angle suplexes out of it but Shawn holds on somehow. Dueling chants start up as that headlock has been on for awhile now. They have the time though so it’s perfectly fine.

The hold is broken for a bit and we go right back to it again. Angle gets a back elbow to escape but Shawn locks on a short arm scissors. Angle rolls backwards a few times to get two. See how important that is? He keeps working the whole time and it keeps the fans into things rather than just sitting around. We get the Davey Boy Smith counter to it but Shawn rolls through for two. Backslide for two and it’s back to the headlock by Shawn.

They slug it out in the corner with neither guy being able to get the advantage. Angle pulls the hair and grabs an ankle lock out of nowhere. It doesn’t last long as Shawn rolls through and a clothesline puts us both on the floor. They set up the announce table and fight for the move into it. Angle gets the Slam but instead of the table he rams Shawn’s back into the post out of the Slam position. That looked good.

Angle hammers away on the floor for a bit and we’re back into the ring. Suplex gets two and Angle locks on a body scissors. Shawn flips upside down in the corner and a sweet pair of belly to bellies gets two. Kurt locks on a modified camel clutch with a knee in the back to work it over even more. Shawn fights back and they slug it out until Shawn slaps Kurt. A big clothesline takes Shawn down for two. That looked great.

Angle can’t get a belly to belly off the top but the elbow misses too and Kurt never really loses control. There go the straps but the Angle Slam is reversed. Kurt is sent to the floor as Shawn takes over for a bit. Big crossbody to the floor and both guys are down. Shawn wants an Asai Moonsault but Angle jumps up for the attempted German off the apron which never hits. A low blow gets Shawn out of it and he gets his Asai crossbody which winds up being a splash onto the table which doesn’t break. Cool looking move and apparently the tables are reinforced.

They slug it out a bit more and Shawn gets the forearm. I think you know what follows that. Angle is bleeding from the mouth. Slam sets up the elbow and it’s time to tune up the band. What band is it anyway? The Electric Light Orchestra? Shawn finds out why it’s stupid to throw a kick at a guy whose finisher is the ankle lock and can’t roll through it. The rope is finally grabbed and Shawn is in big trouble.

Angle is all ticked off now but the Slam is reversed into a sunset flip which is reversed into another ankle lock which is reversed into a victory roll for two. Another attempt at Chin Music is reversed into the Slam for two. Angle puts the straps back on only to take them right back down. Ok then. Moonsault misses but it looked like Angle’s head slammed into Shawn’s back. Angle is clutching his wrist after the move and it might be hurt.

Shawn pulls himself to the top but can barely move so Angle runs up the corner and hits an Angle Slam from the top rope. Angle immediately covers and somehow only gets two! I’d have bet on that being the ending when I was watching this live. Angle grabs Shawn by the head and screams at him to tap out. Shawn uses all he’s got left for a huge Sweet Chin Music and down goes Angle again. THAT gets two and the fans are way into this.

With Shawn trying to get up as slowly as he’s moving, Angle grabs the ankle again and holds on throughout every roll Shawn tries. He almost gets the rope but Angle pulls him back to the middle again. There’s the grapevine and after Shawn probably setting the record for the longest time ever in the move, Shawn taps to add another classic to his Mania record.

Rating: A+. Oh come on were you expecting anything else? It’s Angle vs. Michaels at Wrestlemania with half an hour to work with. Total show stealing match with two of the best ever out there working very hard out there to have the best match they could. There would be a pair of rematches with Shawn winning at Vengeance and them tying in an iron man match on Raw. Great match and absolutely worth seeing.

We see another of the movie trailers, this one with Benoit, Jericho and Christian interrogating Stacy Keibler ala Basic Instinct. There’s implied HLA with Trish and lingerie pillow fights are mentioned. Way funnier than it sounds. Oh and Mae Young flashes her vagina to end it.

It’s RODDY PIPER! We have a Piper’s Pit here at Mania with special guest Stone Cold Steve Austin. Well this works….kind of. It sounds like it’s great on paper but at the same time, what in the world would they talk about? Piper thanks the fans for the Hall of Fame and talks about Mania a bit. Here’s Austin and the problem is obvious: there’s no reason Austin is here other than he’s Austin and it’s Wrestlemania. Therefore, they have nothing to talk about.

Austin is a rebel apparently. Yeah not for about 5 years Roddy. Piper slaps him and the fans aren’t sure what to do here. Austin of course slaps him right back and Piper likes him. The WHAT chants start up and Piper isn’t sure how to take them. I hate those things anyway. Piper was here when Mania didn’t have a number apparently and that’s still the same argument he’s been using for years. Austin has nothing on Piper as far as being a rebel.

Steve replies and this is just dragging. Piper stopped meaning anything about 12 years before this and only Piper seemed to not get that through his head. Of all people, Carlito comes out and both guys say it wasn’t their idea. This was supposed to be the way to put Carlito over and give him a huge push but it completely failed due to Carlito absolutely sucking. Piper isn’t cool with this and spits the apple at Carlito. Naturally there are Stunners all around and Austin stands tall. This was awful to say the least. Total and complete waste of 15 minutes.

We see the Taxi Driver trailer which was voted the best overall. Basically it’s the majority of the roster trying to do the “Are you talking to me” line which is rather funny indeed. Batista doesn’t get what he’s supposed to say and Big Show keeps ripping his jacket. Michael Cole as Travis Bickle has completely scarred me for life but overall it’s funny.
Ready for the biggest waste of time in company history? Here is it right here.

Big Show vs. Akebono

Who in the world is Akebono? No one knew and no one cared. Show at the time was doing a weird thing where he was looking for a challenger so they found someone even bigger than Show to face him in a sumo match. They’re wearing the full sumo uniforms here and it’s really bad. No one could care less for this.

They stall forever as Cole and Tazz try desperately to make this work but it’s dead on arrival. The fans boo them crazily as they set to start and then pull up at least 3 times. It’s the two of them slapping each other’s chests. Show loses but of course his music plays as they leave. This lasted a minute or so bell to bell and almost ten minutes overall.

Rating: F. This was a total waste of time.

We recap the Smackdown World Title feud between Cena vs. JBL. JBL has held the title since the previous summer and people are sick of him. The idea of this is old school vs. new and the respect for tradition vs. change. Cena had made a spinner belt for the US Title which JBL wasn’t happy with. Cena is the rapper here still and here’s all street tough etc. He got the match by beating Angle at No Way Out. Cena couldn’t touch JBL but JBL managed to get some shots in to Cena on the last Smackdown.
Smackdown World Title: John Cena vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

 

JBL gets a police escort here to give him his big Mania entrance. JBL dollars rain from the ceiling in a cool bit. The Cabinet, JBL’s team, isn’t here. No special entrance for Cena here. A couple of guys with brooms have to clean the dollars out of the ring. Feeling out process to start with Cena taking JBL down with a shoulder. JBL does the same and takes over with power.

After more strikes from JBL a bad neckbreaker takes Cena down for no cover. The second one gets two as I don’t think they’ll end a match in two minutes. Well at least in theory they won’t. JBL hits a slingshot to put Cena’s throat in the bottom rope. They slug it out a bit with Cena getting some momentum together. Spinebuster takes care of that though and it’s back to JBL in control.

A third neckbeaker gets two. Short arm clothesline gets two. This is kind of dragging here. JBL hits a forearm to the back of Cena as it’s total dominance and has been the whole time. We got a moderate boring chant as we hit a sleeper. Cena gets a suplex to escape and it’s a double clothesline. Never mind though as JBL sends him to the floor and adds neckbreaker #4 to take Cena down again. This is on the verge of a squash.

Superplex back in the ring puts Cena down again and of course it’s for two. Cena gets a powerslam to fight back for the first time. Some clotheslines buy Cena time as does a shoulder block. Crowd is DEAD. Protoplex sets up the Five Knuckle Shuffle and the FU just like that gives Cena the title. In an approximately eleven and a half minute match, Cena was on offense for maybe 90 seconds.

Rating: D. Really? This was like a TV match that would main event Smackdown and it’s good for Cena’s first world title here? This needed to be rebooked and given about five more minutes plus about 8 more two counts. I have no idea what they were going for here but this was a major failure on almost all levels. No wonder Cena was panned for his first title reign.

 

We recap the Hall of Fame induction ceremony from last night which definitely centered around Hulk Hogan. Oh and Piper and some other people went in too. And then that ring would go to Abyss. I give up. Gene brings out the class to be presented to the crowd, eating up some more time that could have gone to Cena and JBL. If nothing else it’s fun to see the Divas all dressed up.

Michelle with her hair back and in a long black dress is something I could get used to. Taz calls Sheik the original Human Suplex Machine. Miss Jackie (Gayda that is) was so hot it’s scary. Maria as a blonde looked great. She’s more interesting than Bob Orton for sure. Jimmy Hart is still awesome. Stacy dancing to Hulk’s music and being on his arm is weird to see. That being said her trying to look beautiful in another long black dress works very well indeed. That’s about it. Most international class ever?

 

Mania 22 is going to be in Chicago.

We recap Batista vs. HHH. The idea here is a simple one. They were both in Evolution and then Batista got very hot and won the Rumble. This led to HHH saying he would get Batista to fight JBL to avoid having to face Big Dave because he had Batista around his finger. Batista heard this and turned face (which he more or less already was) leading to this.

Raw World Title: Batista vs. HHH

Ross and Lawler talk forever to let Motorhead get ready to play HHH to the ring. The singer more or less has no idea what the words are. HHH rises out of the floor like Angle does now. This is all happening before Batista’s entrance, making his look totally weak in comparison. Nice job Game. Batista still has his old school Evolution knockoff music here and no pyro so his machinegun thing looks idiotic.

Flair is with HHH here. We get the weapons check and the title being held up which is always cool. They fight over a tie up to start with neither guy being able to get much of an advantage. Almost two minutes in HHH grabs a headlock for the first offense of the match. He runs into a shoulder though and we chill for a bit. HHH runs him over but can’t get the Pedigree. Gorilla Press puts HHH down and Batista poses a bit.

Batista looks nervous here which makes sense. They’re going very slowly here but I guess they have the time. Backdrop to HHH but the Game gets a running knee to put him on the floor. Flair distracts Big Dave long enough to send Batista into the steps to take over again. HHH and Flair both choke away as we’re bordering on going through the motions here.

HHH works on the back and adds a suplex for two. More choking by Flair as this has been total dominance ala Cena vs. JBL. HHH hammers him down in the corner but Batista gets some punches to take back over a bit. And never mind as HHH uses a spinebuster. You know, that move that NO ONE ELSE IN THIS MATCH USES RIGHT??? Why in the world would HHH, the guy with like 9000 moves in his arsenal, use a freaking spinebuster that is going to make Batista’s look stupid by comparison? Freaking moron.

Pedigree is blocked and the facebuster gets two. For no apparent reason HHH goes up top and tries a punch from up there but gets caught by a clothesline. Who is his mentor again? Did he sleep through that day in heel school? Batista gets a spinebuster for two but HHH gets a boot up in the corner to take him right back down.

Batista fires him over the top rope with pure power and we might finally have a shift in momentum. He follows the Game to the floor and is sent into the steps to once again give HHH momentum. Pedigree onto the steps is blocked into a slingshot into the post. Maybe NOW Batista can get some serious offense in. HHH is busted now. Batista hammers at the cut and momentum has completely shifted here.

All Animal here with Batista managing to hit a clothesline in the corner that puts HHH on his back which isn’t something you often see. Powerslam gets two. Out to the floor again as HHH is just trying to cover up. Down goes Flair but HHH grabs a chair due to the distraction. Since it’s a main event though, down goes the referee as he tries to steal it from the Game.

Back in the ring it’s a spinebuster for Flair who brings the belt in. Title to the face which draws huge heat. If that had gotten the pin they may have needed police to get him out of there. Naturally it only gets two and more or less that’s it. Spinebuster doesn’t hit as HHH gets a low blow. Pedigree can’t hit and Batista gets something resembling an Emerald Flosion to set up the Thumbs Down and the Batista Bomb ends this finally.

Rating: C-. HHH ruined this for me. Number one, Batista should come out first, get his massive pop, and THEN you have the big entrance for HHH as something like that is going to get a big pop no matter what. Next, Batista was built up as a monster coming into this match for nearly 5 months, and HHH beats the tar out of him for over half the match.

That makes me think that Batista hasn’t beaten anyone at all and once he faces someone solid he can’t do anything against them. Let Batista come in and beat up HHH, have HHH, the smarter wrestler, learn from what happened the first time around and counter Batista and THEN he beats him up and leads to the finish.

By doing this, it shows two things: it makes Batista seem legit as even HHH can’t stop his offense and then it makes HHH look smart as he was able to adapt his style to stop Batista, and everyone wins. Third, WHY WOULD HHH USE A SPINEBUSTER HERE???

He has like 40 moves in his arsenal and he uses the one that Batista is most known for. The ending was solid but that’s about it. Not the way to start a title reign for a guy that wrestles as a power guy at all. If this were Benoit or someone of that size and style, this would have been perfect.

Overall Rating: C+. This Mania suffers from the same symptom that every show since the brand split has suffered from: WAY too much filler that should have been on Raw or Smackdown. It’s a good show but at the same time the main events were just weak overall with neither new champion looking great at all. The right guys went over which helps a lot, but getting there didn’t work that well. Still a good show though.

Oh and see those trailers as they’re totally awesome.

 

 

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Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania XX (Original): They Do Anniversaries Right

Wrestlemania 20
Date: March 14, 2004
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 20,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz
Star Spangled Banner: Harlem Boys Choir

This just feels right. Wrestlemania is supposed to be at MSG. This show is considered to be the show where the new generation took control as Cena debuted, Eddie was defending a title, and Benoit challenged for a title. Sadly, two of them are gone now so those plans have been completely derailed.

This show is the first of the modern HOF induction shows as well as having the first smaller arena show in four years. I’m split on that actually. The smaller shows are better in the sense that it’s more personalized and there simply isn’t a place better than MSG, but the stadiums show off the spectacle more. Really depends on what you like. Anyway, let’s get to it.

The Harlem Boys Choir sings America the Beautiful and we go into the opening video. This is definitely the biggest show of all time with major matches and us at Madison Square Garden. The main event is Benoit vs. Shawn vs. HHH which has the problem of Shawn. There is zero point to having him in there but he’s there so that HHH doesn’t have to job to Benoit clean. Whatever I guess.

To end the video we see Vince, Shane and Vince’s grandson, which I believe is the first time Vince’s grandchildren have appeared on WWE programming.

US Title: John Cena vs. Big Show

Cena is the rapper at this point and hasn’t really gotten established at all at this point. He had been around a little under two years at this point and had turned mega face. You could see that he had what it took back then but he was being paced along very well. Show is champion coming into this. He was more or less worthless (yeah a stretch I know) as champion here so the ending wasn’t really in doubt.

John does his represent thing before the match starts. Dang you could see the star just trying to break out in him. He does a quick rap about Show and says Show is a gorilla. Cena’s hand is taped up so maybe he’s hurt or something. This isn’t really funny or anything but it gets the crowd going which is the point. Granted it’s a New York crowd so it’s not like it takes much work overall.

The title literally looks like a toy on Show’s shoulder. This is serious Show who has been motivated/focused lately which means he’ll lose a big match soon. Cena tries to get around the power to start which doesn’t really work at all. He gets sent to the floor and needs to rethink his strategy. Show allegedly retired Hogan in this building. Which retirement was that?

A cross body off the top by Cena of course fails as it always has against Show. Cena gets the powerslam that he deserves for being an idiot like that. He hammers away which gets him nowhere other than clotheslined down with ease. They have the picture of the current match on the opposite side from the cameras which is a cool thing to see.

Show suplexes Cena and he goes flying which makes John look like a toy. I know you hear that a lot but it’s true here. Headbutt puts Cena down and Show stands on his back. Cena hammers away but gets kicked in the face to end that. Show adds that standing legdrop that I think is called the Showstopper depending on who you listen to for two. The fans chant for Cena.

Cena tries a sleeper which is broken up rather quickly. This has more or less been all Show. Cobra Clutch by Show and Cena is in trouble. Naturally he just lets it go to put it right back on. Cena fights back with right hands and takes the knee out to send Show’s face into the buckle. FU gets two and Cena isn’t sure what to do now. Cena grabs the chain he brought with him but throws it down to distract the referee. The knuckles he carried with him also winds up going upside Show’s head and Cena has his first title.

Rating: C-. Basic big man vs. little man match here but at the same time, not much going on with it at all. Show dominated and Cena hit like three moves to take over and win the thing. That being said, the fans were into Cena which is the whole point. Not bad but kind of generic overall.

Coach is in the back and runs into some random people that aren’t important before saying hi to Teddy Long. He goes into Bischoff’s office to find he and Johnny Spade. Spade had just gotten a name change from Johnny Blaze. A few weeks later he was Johnny Nitro, and a few years later he was John Morrison. Didn’t realize he’d been there that long. Coach is told to go find the Undertaker, who was redebuting for the 58th time tonight.

Evolution minus HHH is in the back and Orton says he’s going to become a hardcore legend. As a former OVW Hardcore Champion, he’s well on his way. He never did that, but he got close a month later at Backlash. If you haven’t seen that match, go do so immediately. Well worth the 15 minutes it takes up. Anyway we see a clip of Orton hurting Foley back in June as this was almost a year long storyline. Oh and he’s IC Champion. The idea is that Foley is scared of Orton but has a backbone now. Oh and Rock is with him for a handicap match. That always helps.

Raw Tag Titles: Rob Van Dam/Booker T vs. Garrison Cade/Mark Jindrak vs. La Resistance vs. Dudley Boys

Wow. You can see the division dying as we speak. The Dudleyz would more or less be gone in four months, save for the One Night Stand main event. We then have the one decent tag team on the brand at the time, and then two generic guys packaged as a “team”. RVD and Booker are your odd combination tag team. This is one fall to a finish. The remix of RVD and Booker’s songs was really quite bad.

Dupree vs. Van Dam to start us off here. Booker comes in quickly and gets a superkick to Renee for two. Bubba is tagged in. Why would you tag out here if it’s one fall to a finish? The Dudleys are faces for this week. The fans already want tables. At least they’re patient as they waited a full minute before starting that chant here.

Ross thinks Booker is a young man. That’s rather amusing. Bubba tries to do the suck on this deal and gets kicked in the face for his efforts. This is more or less RVD/Booker vs. the Dudleys with two other teams in the background. Jindrak gets two on Booker. It’s Garrison Cade at this point too. Who thought that would be a good name? I mean dude, Garrison Cade? Really?

Dupree comes in and La Resistance takes over for a bit. It’s Dupree/Conway in this form of La Resistance as that team changed every few months. No real reason given for why these teams are in here but does it really matter? The fans chant for USA while Conway, the American, is in there. Conway gets an elbow for two, which JR says was opportunistic. How? Isn’t that like doing his job?

Conway uses a bow and arrow hold for awhile to kill some time. Spinebuster gets Booker out of trouble. Wow Van Dam was in a good amount of worthless tag teams. RVD comes in and cleans house. The Five Star is blocked as D-Von shoves him off the top. Everything breaks down and it’s Booker (illegal) vs. D-Von (also illegal). 3D is broken up by Cade and then an axe kick sets up the Five Star on Conway for the champions to retain.

Rating: D. Totally boring match here that should have been on Raw. The division if you want to call it that was completely dead by this point and nothing was going to save it. The titles needed to be unified back then but wouldn’t be until 2010. Weak match that had no need to be on Mania in the slightest.

In the basement, the Coach hears noises coming from behind a door and opens it to find Gene Okerlund trying to get dressed. He tries to explain why he’s there and Bobby Heenan stumbles out half dressed as well. Coach says it’s not what you think. There was a poker game according to Heenan. Moolah and Mae pop out and drag the guys back in where frightening sounds are heard. One of my all time favorite segments.

We recap Christian vs. Jericho which was a great storyline. This started with Jericho and Christian betting a Canadian Dollar that Jericho could sleep with Trish before Christian could sleep with Lita. Trish found out about the bet and got all ticked off. Jericho fell for Trish and Christian tried to get his head back on straight. This led to Christian vs. Trish with Christian hurting Trish. Tonight is the grudge match. This was a great buildup and the video has me wanting to see the match years later. That’s a really good sign.

Christian vs. Chris Jericho

 

I guess Lita was just dropped from this after awhile for reasons unknown. They lock up for a bit and then Jericho is like screw it and takes Christian down with right hands. Clothesline takes him down again. Christian sends him to the apron but gets backdropped to the floor. All Jericho in the opening few minutes and we get a big Y2J chant.

Jericho hits that springboard cross body to the floor and then sends Christian into the barricade. Back in and Christian’s sunset flip attempt is countered into the Walls. They’re not applied though and Christian is able to get a thumb to the eye and then dump Jericho to the floor. Christian chokes away and talks trash to Jericho at the same time. He’s multi-tasking I guess.

Knee to the ribs by Christian as the fans are surprisingly quiet here. They don’t seem bored though and are instantly back into it when Christian hits a chinlock. I guess they’re interested here. Christian pulls some of Jericho’s hair out which gets him two. Ah the old hair attack. Haven’t seen that in years. Back to the chinlock but Jericho tries for the Walls again and again they don’t work.

Christian chokes away but Jericho fights back. Off to a neck crank for a second but Jericho is taken down by the hair as he tries to escape. Hey here’s another chinlock. Walls are attempted again and again fails. Spinwheel kick gets two on Jericho. Jericho gets a forearm and a knee to the back as he’s starting a comeback. Running enziguri gets two.

Rollup by both guys gets two and Christian’s had a handful of ropes. Northern Lights Suplex by Jericho gets two. Lionsault attempt winds up eating knees but the Unprettier can’t hit either. Reverse tornado DDT out of the corner gets two for Christian. They’re moving a lot more out there now. Backbreaker by Christian and he goes up. Jericho is slammed off and Christian hits a cross body which is rolled through for two by Jericho.

Christian throws on a Texas Cloverleaf and Jericho is in trouble. This is the first time they’ve had a bit of a break in a good while. Jericho breaks that and tries the Walls for the fourth time which doesn’t work either. He finally gets them on the fifth try but on the floor. As Christian tries to get back in he gets caught in a double underhook suplex off the top for two.

And here comes Trish. I’m pretty sure you know how this is going to end but she looks great in a tied off shirt so I can’t complain. Edgecution by Christian gets a long two. Christian drags Trish in and shoves her down. Trish “accidentally” nails Jericho and Christian gets a rollup and the win with it.

Rating: B. Decent match but it could have been a lot more. This was a match where the buildup was better than the match. The feud would continue for a good while though and it continued to be rather solid. Fun stuff here and pure popcorn soap opera stuff which is usually a good combination.

Post match Trish slaps Jericho, turning heel and leaves with Christian. The crowd is TICKED. Trish and Christian kiss to a big reaction as they leave.

Now we get to one of the more entertaining part of the show. Foley is talking about being nervous about having his first match in four years but Rock pops up and cuts him off. He talks about how there’s no reason to be nervous because everyone knows what’s coming. Hurricane and Rosey know it. Don Muraco and Jimmy Snuka know it.

But most importantly the people know it. Make sure you get a shot of the people. Rock says let’s go take care of Evolution, if you smell what the Rock (Foley: and Sock) IS COOKING! Funny promo.

Evolution vs. The Rock/Mick Foley

Now this has an interesting backstory to it. Back in December, Orton was on his Legend Killer gimmick and called out Foley. Foley got ready to fight him but at the last minute bailed out, allowing Orton to spit on him and walk out of the arena, branding him as a coward. At the Royal Rumble, Orton had made a long run but Foley entered at #21 and beat the crap out of Orton.

The problem with this was that when you go after Orton, you get all of Evolution. Except HHH who had more important things to do than fight two first ballot Hall of Famers. This made it 3-1, so Foley needed help. Rock returns to help his friend, and we get this as the end result. If you ever want to see the match that almost single handedly got Batista and Orton over, this is it. It was them being in there with the big boys and we could see what they can do.

I love the old school vs. new school dynamic here. The Rock N Sock Connection hit the ring and the fight is on. Rock vs. Batista is really weird to see. How weird is it that Rock retired younger than Foley? Rock vs. Flair is something that is just awesome to look at and it officially starts us off here. Rock does Flair’s strut and they lock up.

Out to the floor and Flair slips a thumb into the eye. That gets him nowhere as he gets slammed on the floor and Foley adds an elbow off the apron. Off to Orton now and Foley wants in. Orton bails but Foley somehow catches him and the beating is on. Back in with Foley in control. Rock comes in and punches Orton in the balls and then Flair smacks him in the back of the head.

Rock fights off Evolution but gets caught by Batista on the floor with the power game. Off to Orton vs. Rock in the ring now with Orton hammering away. Make that Batista. He’s not as big as he would get but still gets two off an elbow drop. Flair comes in now and throws chops in the corner. He tries to strut and gets his head taken off by a running clothesline. Well why mess with the basics?

Like an idiot, Flair goes up and gets slammed down. Why is anyone surprised at that? Off to Batista who hammers away. The crowd being all attentive is weird. Rock gets a clothesline to Batista and it’s off to Foley now. Double arm DDT is blocked and it’s a slug out. Running knee in the corner is stopped by a clothesline though. That’s a popular move in this match isn’t it?

On the floor Foley grabs the Claw on Orton out of nowhere. This is a good match so it’s hard to make jokes here. For the 1000th time in his career Foley’s knees slam into the steps with a LOUD bang. Orton in now who hammers away even more. Make that Flair who chops Foley down and then they slug it out. Foley takes him down but Orton comes in for a chinlock/face pull to stop Foley.

Batista comes in as Evolution keeps up that fast tagging. He starts the ground and pound on Foley but Mick slips a hand up and grabs the Claw to break it up. Orton comes in for the save and they keep tagging in and out very quickly. Swinging neckbreaker to Batista buys Foley some time and a double clothesline buys him even more time.

Flair comes in to break up the tag but a shot to the head is enough to bring in Rock who cleans house. DDTs and right hands all around but a Batista spinebuster takes him down. And now Flair wants to do the People’s Elbow. Rock nips up while Flair struts and drills him. There’s a spinebuster for Flair and it’s the REAL People’s Elbow, complete with Rock’s 8th strut of the match.

RKO doesn’t work but the Rock Bottom does. Flair makes a last second save and then SPRINTS around the ring to grab a chair. Batista Bomb to Rock which gets two for Orton. Rock manages to bring in Foley and he finally gets his hands on Orton. Foley loads up Socko but takes too long and Orton grabs a quick RKO for the pin. Foley sits up afterwards which I like as it makes it look like Foley got stunned but not knocked out. And that my friends, is how you put people over.

Rating: A. This wasn’t so much a great match but rather a work of art out there. They knew what they were doing and the two old masters made stars out of young guys. This is what you’re supposed to do out there as the old guys look great as well and like I said, it was a quick win rather than a dominating one. The key thing there though was that it was a win. Great stuff and worth seeing for what it means to put someone over.

Rock and Foley get a standing ovation as they deserve.

This year’s HOF class is honored. No big name here except Jesse Ventura. Next year it really picks up though. Heenan breaking up over wishing Monsoon was there with him is a very touching moment. Harley Race and Tito Santana go in too. teases running for President in 2008.

They bring them out into the arena to have Mean Gene do the presentations to the crowd. The full list is Bobby Heenan (can barely talk due to throat cancer. The fans chant weasel and Heenan’s reaction is of course hilarious), Tito Santana (one of the most underrated guys ever despite being considered great), Big John Studd (dead, his son is here), Harley Race (one of the best heels ever), Pete Rose (deserves to be in due to what he did at Mania. He was said to be incredibly gracious about being in so I can live with this).

Back to the wrestlers with Don Muraco (took the Snuka Splash that apparently every wrestler ever was inspired by), Great Valentine (gets one of the biggest pops surprisingly enough. Looks JUST like he did in the ring and still does to this day as far as I know), Junkyard Dog (Also dead, his daughter is here for him. It was her high school graduation that he died on the way home from), Billy Graham (perhaps the most influential heel of all time), Sgt. Slaughter (go watch the Alley Fight with Pat Patterson. Incredible fight), and Jesse Ventura (do I need to explain this one?

What’s the best way to follow that up? With this of course:

Sable/Torrie Wilson vs. Miss Jackie/Stacy Keibler

Instead of the traditional rules, this is pinfall. Blast it. This is happening because Torrie/Sable are in Playboy. Sable was doing a weird lesbian kind of thing at the time with Torrie, which is odd because Torrie had just come off a lesbian angle with Dawn, which ended apparently in her sleeping with Dawn.

Sable requests they all start in their underwear. Taz and Cole are cracking up over a joke Taz makes. It actually was funny and tells me these guys are funny in real life. I’m trying not to pay attention here as this is depressing. Torrie and Sable win.

Rating: F. I hate these things. They’re a total waste of time, we’ve seen the girls like this before, and it’s nothing special at all. Total waste of about 9 minutes.

We get some clips from Axxess.

Eddie comes in to talk to Benoit who is very nervous to say the least. He says that win or lose, he’ll be proud of Chris. Benoit says he won’t lose. Eddie says no one really expects Benoit to win, more or less sealing his title win. Benoit says he’s proud of Eddie for winning the WWE Title and Eddie starts laughing. He wants Benoit to get fired up and Benoit is. Tonight they both walk out world champions.

Cruiserweight Title: Cruiserweight Open

This is a ten man gauntlet match. Think Tag Team Turmoil with the champion, Chavo Jr., going tenth. Everyone stands at ringside so I’ll just list them off as they go in. Rey comes out last and is the Flash this year. Ultimo Dragon vs. Shannon Moore to start and they’re moving out there, getting three two counts in maybe 40 seconds. Back suplex by Shannon gets two. Whisper in the Wind by Moore misses and Dragon hits the Asai DDT (sets for a Stunner but backflips over Shannon to slam the back of his head into the mat. Looks great) for the pin. I hope this isn’t a pattern.

Jamie Noble is in third and he jumps Dragon to take an early advantage. Dragon unleashes the kicks but misses a moonsault. A neckbreaker by Noble sets up a guillotine choke by Noble to get rid of Dragon.

Funaki comes in and is rolled up and pinned in 4 seconds. I hate these kind of matches for stupid stuff like these last two eliminations. This would never happen in a regular match and makes Funaki and Dragon look like blundering morons.

Nunzio comes in next and begs off instead of charging, which I think is logical here. They trade some holds and Nunzio gets a victory roll for two. Big kick gets two for Nunzio. He tries an O’Connor Roll but Noble ducks to send him to the floor. Noble dives on him with a front flip to put both guys down and Nunzio is counted out.

Billy Kidman is in now and Nunzio trips Noble. Kidman climbs the ropes and throws a Shooting Star Press but underrotates and lands ON TOP OF HIS HEAD! That gets two in the ring and Noble grabs that guillotine again. It’s easily reversed and Kidman adds a running enziguri. He tries the Shooting Star again but Noble runs up to block it. Short powerbomb off the middle ropes gets rid of Noble though as that might have been the longest fall at just under two minutes.

Rey comes in and gets half killed by a dropkick. He gets whipped in and baseball slides between Kidman’s legs while on his back. Kind of awesome. Kidman takes over after some interference from Tajiri’s friend Akio for no apparent reason. They go to the corner and Mysterio gets a sunset bomb to end Kidman.

Tajiri in next and he grabs the Tarantula very quickly. Handspring elbow is blocked by a dropkick and there’s the 619. Akio interferes again and winds up taking the mist to the face. Rey grabs a rollup to end Tajiri.

Akio can’t fight because of the mist. Whatever.

Tajiri kicks Rey in the head and it’s down to Chavo and Mysterio. Rey avoids a charge and gets a rana to take over. Down goes Chavo Senior via a baseball slide. The referee won’t let Rey dive on him though. Dang it give us our injured senior citizens! Ok he’s in his mid 50s here but he looks about 80. Rey is like screw it and dives over the referee to crush Chavo Senior. He tries a sunset flip but Chavo grabs the hand of his son to get the pin to retain. So Chavo pinned Rey in about 1:50? Got it.

Rating: D+. That’s overall. The problem here is simple: they went through it WAY too fast and it was impossible to get into any of the matches. These things need like 30 minutes to work which is why you never see them. This would have been WAY better as a fatal fourway but since both tag titles are in that format we had this. Not a fan of these at all because they make the guys in them look far too beatable.

We recap Goldberg vs. Brock. Goldberg was #30 in the Rumble and was being interviewed prior to the match. Lesnar got annoyed that he wasn’t being interviewed since he was WWE Champion at the time. He came in and beat up Goldberg in the Rumble so that Angle could eliminate him after Goldberg was dominating. Austin gave Goldberg a ticket to No Way Out and said don’t do anything he wouldn’t do. Goldberg speared Brock and Eddie won the title because of it (great match if you’ve never seen it).

Austin was named guest referee and then Lesnar popped up and gave Austin an F5. This basically turned into Austin vs. Lesnar instead with Goldberg being on the side. Lesnar stole Austin’s four wheeler and ticking Austin off. Austin beat Lesnar up and took it back, which totally took the spotlight off of Goldberg to eventually set up Brock vs. Austin.

However, this was Lesnar’s last WWE match s he went to the NFL and then the UFC, which made Austin more or less pointless here. Oh and it’s Goldberg’s last match too. Think they’re going to give it that old college try and work as hard as they can? If so, you’re not that smart.

Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar

Let the chanting begin! The shorts on Goldberg never looked right. They stand around for about 20 seconds and we get to the far more interesting part of this match: the crowd. Almost immediately we get a YOU SOLD OUT chant directed at Lesnar. It’s one of the loudest you’ll ever hear outside of Philly and it shakes the guys up it seems. The announcers actually acknowledge it which is saying a lot.

Make that a minute of standing around. There’s the Goodbye Song as they’ve literally stood there staring at each other for a minute and a half. Ross tells us Lesnar is gone and they shout F Bombs at each other. Two minutes with zero contact at all. Now the fans chant for Austin, likely wanting him to Stun them both and just end it at that. Two and a half minutes now. This is all considered part of the match mind you.

At 2:45 they lock up. Amusingly enough Goldberg is called a mixed martial arts aficionado. They go down to their knees in a lockup. That eats up literally 45 seconds and it’s back to staring at each other. We’re four minutes into a thirteen and a half minute match and the total amount of contact is 45 seconds, literally all of which is on a lockup. Think about paying a ticket to see this, one of the feature matches, and getting this. They deserve the crowd reaction they’re getting.

They lock up again and that eats up almost 30 more seconds. The crowd chants THIS MATCH SUCKS and they’re right. The first offensive move of the match comes five minutes in (and yes I’m counting via a counter on the video) with a headlock by Lesnar that goes nowhere. They exchange shoulder blocks and then knock each other down with them. We’re 6:30 into this now and the move list in its entirety is: tie up, tie up, head lock, Goldberg shoulder block, Lesnar shoulder block, double shoulder block.

FINALLY things pick up a bit as Lesnar kicks away. Goldberg is like screw that and press slams him, bringing him down with a half spear/half spinebuster. The regular spear misses though and Goldberg goes chest first into the post. We hit the floor for some Lesnar dominance. I guess that was all the offense Goldberg had in him. The fans aren’t that impressed and tell Goldberg that he sucks.

Back in now and Lesnar really upgrades his offense with a suplex. Into a headlock with an arm trap. This is terrible. This eats up about a minute until Goldberg flips him to ZERO pop. Oh hey let’s go right back to the hold again because it worked so well the first time. Then they ram into each other again and are both down. The fans aren’t exactly happy.

Ross calls the match pedestrian. No Ross, taking a walk would be way more interesting than this. The fans boo the heck out of it as Goldberg makes his comeback. The crowd is chanting for Hogan. In 2004. Wow. Spinning neckbreaker sets up the spear for two. Yeah back then they wanted to drop the Jackhammer because the company was really stupid. F5 hits out of nowhere for two as well. Lesnar misses the spear and then the spear and Jackhammer ends it to make Goldberg 1-0!

Rating: F. This was a disgrace. I don’t care if you’re leaving or not, you don’t do it that way. No excuse for this whatsoever.

Austin, who did NOTHING in the match, stuns both guys post match to try and keep the fans from storming the ring to kill the guys in the match.

WM 21 is in LA.

Vince comes out and says there’s someone that should be thanked for Mania making it to #20. He then amazes even me, perhaps the most jaded wrestling fan there is and he thanks the fans. This amazed me to no end when I saw it and it still does today. Love him or hate him, this was pure class right here.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Rikishi/Scotty 2 Hotty vs. APA vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team vs. Basham Brothers

More filler here before we get to the real main events. This is one fall to a finish again. The APA was more or less worthless by this point. I didn’t even know they were still together in 04. Bradshaw would be world champion in the summer. Rikishi and Scotty have the titles coming in here. Bradshaw vs. Benjamin to start us off here.

After JBL takes Shelton down for awhile, Doug Basham tags himself in and I just do not care at this point. Absolutely nothing of note is going on here. Haas vs. Scotty at the moment. Crowd simply does not care either and it’s obvious. Bearhug to Scotty but a Basham comes in for the…save? Scotty is the face in peril I guess. He gets an enziguri but kicks Doug into Danny to keep Scotty from making the tag again.

Off to Rikishi who cleans house. I think he was supposed to be the grizzled veteran that could beat up just about anyone in the match. They pushed him like that for awhile and it didn’t work incredibly well. German attempt by Benjamin but the power of fat sends him to the floor. Haas gets a Stinkface for not funny comedy. Bradshaw comes in to clean house but walks into a Samoan Drop and then Rikishi drops down onto Danny to retain.
Rating: D. Pointless filler. These teams were worthless by this point anyway as they were all on the verge of breaking up. Shelton was in the IC title hunt within a year, JBL debuted that Summer, the Bashams were fired soon thereafter and no one ever cared about Rikishi and Scotty anyway. Total waste of time.

Edge is coming back.

Jesse Ventura is with Donald Trump at ringside. This was when the Apprentice was still a hot show so Trump was a celebrity here. I don’t like him but you have to admit, the guy apparently likes wrestling as this was the 4th show he was a part of. Jesse implies he’ll run for President someday, getting a big pop.

Women’s Title: Victoria vs. Molly Holly

This is belt vs. hair with Victoria as champion. Victoria got hotter every time I saw her. The crowd is already more into this than they were for the entire previous match. Molly works the arm to control but gets rolled up for two. Suplex gets two for Molly. Molly is a virgin and wears big underwear which is the focal point of the match. She uses really basic stuff and it’s rather boring. Sunset Bomb gets two and then Molly tries the Widow’s Peak. That doesn’t work and Victoria gets a backslide to retain.

Rating: D+. Short and pretty dull. The real thing here was the shaved diva which doesn’t really do much as the stipulation was more or less just thrown on. Lack of an interesting match for the most part but at least Victoria looked good in those little white shorts.

Head shaving ensues.

We recap Eddie vs. Angle. The idea in short is Eddie is a former drug addict and Kurt says that means he shouldn’t represent Smackdown. The idea is that Eddie is in over his head and Heyman, the Smackdown GM, is against Eddie too for no apparent reason.

During the video package, Molly is still being shaved.
Smackdown Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Kurt Angle

They lock up in the first minute, already far ahead of Lesnar vs. Goldberg as far as pacing goes. We start with some mat stuff where Eddie is talented but in over his head. Angle takes him down with a judo throw and grabs a headlock. Let’s go Angle/Angle Sucks chants begin dueling. Angle runs him over with a shoulder and it’s a standoff.

Eddie gets a set of shoulder blocks and Angle hits the floor to clear his head. Back in and Angle takes it back to the mat which is where he’s definitely in control for the most part. Front facelock goes on to drain some energy out of the champion. Eddie escapes and we go back to the mat again with Eddie controlling a keylock. This is well done stuff as they’re definitely keeping things interesting out there for this.

Knee to the ribs takes Eddie down and it’s off to an abdominal stretch. Eddie reverses and tries Three Amigos but can only get one as Kurt gets a German. Out to the apron and Angle of course can’t get the German to the floor because it would, you know, kill Eddie. Eddie knocks him to the floor and dives out at Angle but misses, hitting the barrier chest first. That gets two back in the ring.

Angle works on the ribs/midsection even more, eventually hot shotting Eddie onto the top rope for two. Belly to belly sends Eddie flying. Another gets two and it’s back to the ribs. Angle shifts it into a bearhug and then into a belly to belly for two. Middle rope belly to belly is blocked as is the running belly to belly. Frog Splash misses and Eddie’s momentum is gone just as fast as it arrived.

Kurt hammers away as Cole calls him a hypocrite for talking about how Eddie is a disgrace. Eddie shrugs it off and wants more shots. He fires back and gets a little momentum going. A charge in the corner misses and Eddie gets a belly to back suplex for two. Eddie still can’t get Three Amigos and it’s Rolling German time. The second is reversed into a rollup for two and then Angle drills Eddie to take him right back down again.

Angle Slam is countered and Eddie speeds things up a bit. Three Amigos are attempted again and again Kurt counters after a second one. Ankle Lock goes on for a bit but not that long. Dropkick puts Kurt down but as Eddie goes for the Frog Splash Angle gets the running belly to belly two. After a rollup gets two Eddie is caught in a German for two.

Another counter to the Angle Slam, this one in the form of a DDT sets up the Frog Splash for two. Has that ever happened before? Angle plays possum and picks the ankle out of nowhere into the ankle lock. Again he manages to send Kurt to the floor and Eddie is unlacing his boot. Angle doesn’t see this and comes right back with the ankle lock. Eddie kicks the hold off and the boot goes off with it. He grabs a small package on the confused Kurt (and wraps his feet around the ropes to cheat a bit) to retain in a brilliant ending.

Rating: A. Excellent stuff here. There’s definitely a story here with Eddie going move for move with Angle but in the end going back to his roots to pick up the upset. Also look at the intelligence that Eddie shows at the end by playing possum just like Kurt did seconds before to beat Angle as he goes just a step too far to retain the title. Go find this match and watch it. You’ll learn something.

We recap Taker vs. Kane. Kane had buried Taker yet again. This time it was over Taker turning into the American and ceasing to be a monster. I guess the tag title run they had together didn’t count? At the Rumble a Taker Gong went off to scare the heck out of Kane and the distraction let Booker put him out. This kept happening until it was announced his return would be here at Mania.

Undertaker vs. Kane

 

Yeah the build here isn’t quite as good as their first Mania match. Taker gets the full on Mania entrance, complete with darkness, chanting, fire, druids, and PAUL BEARER!!! Taker’s hair isn’t even to his shoulders here so the look is a bit off. Oh and he wears a cowboy hat now. Kane is all scared to death here and shouts that Taker isn’t real. He reaches out and touches Taker (there’s an old commercial in there somewhere) and Taker hammers away.

Kane hides on the floor and Taker starts his usual stuff. The ending is so obvious here it’s unreal. Some corner clotheslines put Kane down but the Last Ride is blocked. They mess up the reverse back body drop as they’re about three feet away from the ropes. Taker does some ground and pound but walks into a sidewalk slam. Top rope clothesline gets two.

They slug it out which of course Taker wins. Kane misses a charge in the corner and a running big boot puts Kane down. Old School is caught by a chokeslam and Kane stops to laugh. Taker sits up, Kane panics and I think you know what’s going to end the match.

Rating: D. This was pretty bad. Taker completely squashed Kane here, which to be fair is more or less Kane’s job. Not much of a match at all although that’s what the people wanted I think. Taker has been the same character since this point for the most part and this was the beginning of the modern Taker.

We recap the Raw World Title match. HHH is champion, Benoit won the Rumble and should get the one on one shot. However, at the Rumble Shawn and HHH tied in a Last Man Standing match so Shawn says he should get another shot. Always thought that was ridiculous. Shawn had his chance, but he didn’t win. It shouldn’t be him again. Anyway he signed the contract anyway so Austin made it a triple threat. The video more or less shows Shawn as a heel because he just wouldn’t let Benoit have his moment.

Raw World Title: Chris Benoit vs. HHH vs. Shawn Michaels

 

Surprisingly normal entrance for HHH here although he’s wearing white boots. We even get a weapons check which you never see anymore. Everyone goes after everyone to start us off here with Shawn avoiding a Crossface. HHH to the floor and the others slug it out. He comes back in when he thinks it’s best as we’re in a slow build here.

DX explodes for a bit and the fans think someone screwed Bret. Leaping knee gets two. Some nice tandem stuff lets Shawn hit a moonsault off the top to the floor to take everyone out. HHH and Shawn go back to the ring now with Benoit out on the floor. Facebuster to Shawn but he can’t hit the Pedigree as Chris saves. Shawn’s shoulder goes into the post and Benoit hits a snap suplex on HHH.

With Benoit in the Tree of Woe HHH throws Shawn into him in a cool spot. Shawn nips up so Benoit knocks him to the floor. Benoit hits Rolling Germans on the Game Shawn stops the headbutt and HHH takes him down with a DDT. Superplex by HHH gets two on Benoit. Make that three twos. The fans like Benoit here. Pedigree is reversed into a bad Crossface which Shawn breaks up.

Rolling Germans by Shawn are booed and reversed into a set by Benoit. Headbutt to Shawn gets two. Forearm and nipup by Shawn but there’s no one else in the ring. HHH comes in and gets beaten on for a bit. Elbow hits and the Band is Tuned Up. The kick connects but Benoit saves. Shawn vs. Benoit now with Shawn being launched into the post to bust him open. Terrible Crossface to Shawn and HHH grabs his arm before he can tap.

Benoit and HHH hit the floor for some brawling while Shawn is down. HHH sends him into the steps and preps the announce table. Just the Smackdown one though, not the Spanish one. Benoit, ever the traditionalist, puts HHH on the Spanish one. German is blocked as it the Pedigree. Shawn pops up and DX suplexes/drops Benoit through the SD table in a cool visual.

Back in the ring now it’s Shawn vs. HHH. They slug it out with neither guy taking over. HHH is sent to the floor and a cameraman is taken out. Ross wants an EMT for Benoit. HHH gets posted (without spam) and is busted as well. Pedigree out of NOWHERE is the counter to some punches. Somehow Benoit makes the save and the crowd pops like a cherry.

Benoit chops away but HHH grabs a Pedigree attempt which is reversed into a long Sharpshooter in an eruption. Shawn kicks Chris’ head off though which somehow only gets two. Ross’ voice is almost gone here. Loud Benoit chant starts up as Shawn Tunes Up the Band. Benoit backdrops him to the floor and walks into another Pedigree attempt. Benoit counters that into a Crossface with HHH in agony. HHH rolls backwards but Benoit hangs on and HHH taps, giving Benoit the World Title in the main event of Wrestlemania.

Rating: A+. Great match, everything clicked, absolute classic. There’s nothing else I can say here.

Eddie comes out to celebrate with Benoit in a classic Wrestlemania moment.

Overall Rating: B. This is good but the length starts to get old after awhile. At 4 ½ hours long it needs about an hour cut off to be a classic. Still though with two great world title matches and some other good stuff in there it’s hard to argue. Also we get a legit Mania moment to end the show which is never a bad thing. Good show and worth seeing, but be ready to fast forward some stuff.

 

 

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Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania XIX (Original): It’s Stacked

Wrestlemania 19
Date: March 30, 2003
Location: Safeco Field, Seattle, Washington
Attendance: 54,097
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz
America The Beautiful: Ashanti

This show gets a lot of praise around here and I’m not entirely sure why. I’ve never been that enthralled by it, but maybe it needs another viewing. Your main event here is Kurt vs. Brock, which is simply due to Brock winning the Rumble and a solid build as you’re not really sure who the better man is. Brock is just past one year on television at this point and is going for his second world title.

To say he was dominant is an understatement. The real main event though is Hulk vs. Vince in a no holds barred match. It’s another instance of not putting the real main event on last, which is a shame as it got most of the buildup. Your midcard special is Jericho vs. Shawn in what was excellently built up as well.

We also get the third match in the Austin/Rock saga, which while still a big match, simply doesn’t have the big fire in it this time around. It turns out to be Austin’s last match as a regular. More or less that’s what holds this show back: the hype. The buildup was as good as any I’ve ever seen, but it wasn’t a mind blowing show. Let’s get to it.

Well done “it’s our World Series” package that never gets old, following Ashanti singing America the Beautiful which has been missed by me. The first problem with this show is simple: the theme song. Crack Addict by Limp Biskit. I never could figure out why they wouldn’t say the name of the song on television, but then it made sense. Make your own PG jokes.

Cruiserweight Title: Matt Hardy vs. Rey Mysterio

Mysterio is dressed as Daredevil as he beging his tradition of being a superhero at Mania. Matt is in the middle of what was always one of my favorite stupid gimmicks: Mattitude V1.0. This involves him having fun facts pop up on screen during his entrance which is made to look like he’s on a website. Today’s Mattitude Facts: Matt is appearing in his 4th Wrestlemania and Matt often wonders how they did Wrestlemania without him.

He’s also desperately trying to stay at the Cruiserweight limit of 220lbs, often with comical results. Matt is accompanied by Mattitude Follower (MFer) Shannon Moore. Hardy used Disco Inferno method of Cruiserweight wrestling: Wrestle like a heavyweight and hope it works out for the best. Moore distracts Rey to start but Matt gets backdropped to the floor. Blast you little MFer.

Head scissors and a spinwheel kick put Matt down and set up an attempt at a sunset bomb to the floor. Shannon makes the save and allows Matt to take over. Shannon’s people are called Morons. Taz and Cole make bad jokes about how Matt got his weight down using terms like banana juice, teabag and BJ. You figure the rest out for yourself.

Matt locks in a bow and arrow to keep Rey on the mat for awhile. A corner charge misses though and Matt goes into the post. Seated Senton gets two for Rey and we speed things up a bit more. Shannon breaks up the 619 and there’s the Twist of Fate for two. The foul poles in the background take a bit of getting used to.

Matt tries Splash Mountain from the bottom rope but Rey reverses into a rana for two. 619 hits and it’s West Coast Pop time. Matt ducks so Rey settles for a victory roll. Hardy ducks into it ala Owen at Mania X and grabs the rope to get the win. That was abrupt to say the least.

Rating: C-. Not a fan of the ending at all. This was getting good and they cut the legs out from under it after less than six minutes. I get why they had to do that as a lot of the matches are long but the pacing of the match could have been a lot better to make that ending not seem so abrupt and not to make this seem like a TV match. Still decent though.

Time for our first bad celebrities as the Miller Light Cat Fight girls show up. They’re two hot chicks that fight over beer. Their limo couldn’t be tackier as it’s a long black limo with a sign on the door saying Catfight Girls. It just doesn’t look good at all. The dumb arguments start already.

We get a clip from earlier with Nathan Jones, Undertaker’s tag partner for later, being laid out by A-Train and Big Show. This would be due to the fact that the company thought he wasn’t capable of being on live PPV with his skills at the time. Shouldn’t they have noticed this before Wrestlemania Sunday?

Limp Bizkit performs Rollin live to play us to this.

Undertaker vs. Big Show/A-Train

This is Taker vs. Big Show for the 10th time or so. A-Train is there for no apparent reason other than to make us think Taker might have some issues here. Fred Durst does not belong in the ring at Wrestlemania with Undertaker, period. This is officially a handicap match now. A-Train spits on Taker’s bike to distract him so Show can jump him. This of course fails and A-Train takes a chokeslam for two as Show saves.

Taker hammers away at both guys and makes sure to stay out of the corner. This was part of the A-Train’s push which I never quite understood but they were trying at least. Taker busts out a leap frog of all things and there’s Old School to A-Train. Derailer (Chokebomb) hits Taker but of course he doesn’t cover. Instead he sends Taker to the floor so Show can ram him into the post.

There’s a flag on Undertaker’s bike which is due to his nephew serving in Iraq who the match has been dedicated to. Show comes in and they slug it out a bit. Taker really likes to punch doesn’t he? Show’s chokeslam is countered into a Fujiwara armbar and then into a cross armbreaker to A-Train. Show drops a leg to break that up and rams some headbutts in.

Abdominal stretch goes on after all the head and neck work. I guess Show is working on the ribs now. A-Train comes in now and stomps away before putting on an abdominal stretch of his own. Taker reverses into one of his own and that’s about the extent of his offensive run as it’s back to the beating again. Train slaps him in the face because he’s not that intelligent.

Naturally Taker makes the comeback and hits a running DDT for two as Show makes the save. Show is sent to the apron by the referee so Taker hits him anyway. Here’s the comeback and the monsters are in trouble. Big clothesline takes down Show. And never mind as a bicycle kick takes his head off. Chokeslam to Taker and here comes Nathan Jones. He kicks Show in the aisle to take him down (shouldn’t that be a DQ?) and hits the ring. Big boot to A-Train and the Tombstone ends this.

Rating: D. Can someone explain to me why this got ten minutes almost and the previous match couldn’t even get six? Not much of a match and far too long for its own good. Taker was never going to lose and everyone knew it, yet they let it go off even longer which didn’t help at all. Jones was gone soon after this I believe.

Catfight girls run into the much hotter Torrie and Stacy.

We get a recap of the pointless Raw tag title match from Heat that leads nowhere. That was on Heat and the Cat Fight girls were on here. That’s life I guess.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Jazz vs. Victoria

Jazz still isn’t cared for at all. As usual Trish looks great and gets the confetti for her entrance. Yeah, no guesses as to who is going over here. Victoria is champion coming into this and is in her total psycho phase here with the awesome T.A.T.U. theme music. I’ve always loved this character and throwing in that I always thought Victoria was mind blowingly hot isn’t hurting anything here.

Ross says that Jazz has a Mike Tyson like attitude. Lawler says it’s a Mike Tyson like look. Victoria has Steven Richards with her for no apparent reason. Jazz jumps both of them quickly and sends Victoria to the floor. She grabs a front facelock and flips forward to bend Trish in half with a facelock. Trish gets a Thesz Press and poses a lot. Victoria pulls her to the floor and we brawl out there for a bit.

Jazz vs. Trish in the ring at the moment with the less attractive one in control. Double shoulder breaker to Trish so it’s Victoria vs. Jazz now. Love that backless outfit on Victoria. Lawler says Trish is like a quarter among pennies. What the heck does that even mean? Match is kind of a mess so far but it’s not horrible. Powerslam by Jazz gets two on Trish.

The heels go at it again which Trish takes advantage of, ramming their heads together to take over. Big spin kick by Jazz misses and Trish gets a rollup for two. Chick Kick gets two. Trish kicks Victoria to the floor as Jazz shouts a lot. Half crab goes on and into an STF to Trish by Jazz. Stevie intercepts Trish’s tap out so Victoria isn’t out.

Trish gets a rollup of Victoria and we get a nice shot as Trish pulls the tights. Double chickenwing by Jazz to the blonde but Victoria takes Jazz down. Moonsault misses though, but Victoria still sends het to the floor. Stevie accidentally hits himself with a chair and takes a Stratusfaction for being an idiot. Chick Kick to Victoria gives Trish the title.

Rating: D+. This was just your standard Women’s Title match and nothing more. They’ve been the same for years and this was no different. Trish gets the title back for a token title change and would likely hold it for a very long time. Yeah that’s all I’ve got. Oh and Victoria has a nice figure.

Rock is bitter about being booed last year against Hogan and has turned his back on the people. He’s obsessed with beating Austin in a big match, which I don’t think he ever has. This takes way longer than it should have.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Los Guerreros vs. Team Angle vs. Rhyno/Chris Benoit

First fall wins it here as I continue to be amazed by how well Eddie suited his gimmick. While he’s not as great as he’s given credit for, he certainly was good. Team Angle is Charlie Hass and Shelton Benjamin by the way. Hass was supposed to be the breakout star at first but obviously after about two matches we knew that wasn’t going to happen. This is more of what we’ve seen all night long: a match that’s good enough to be a decent TV main event, but not WM worthy. No point here other than for the titles to be on the line.

Team Angle has the titles here. Benoit had a masterpiece with Angle at the Rumble but since a guy that was ridiculously popular and great in the ring clearly had no business feuding with HHH on Raw for the title (I mean we had SCOTT STEINER to do that) he was shoved into this pointless tag team and wasted most of 03 until he got so popular that he went to Raw the next year after winning the Rumble.

Big brawl to start as the referee tries to settle things down a bit. Chavo and Haas finally get us started. Haas tags out to Benoit and it’s Benoit vs. Eddie now. This works for me. To the shock of no one they hammer away on each other with neither guy being able to maintain an advantage. They ram heads which allows Rhyno to be brought in.

Powerslam to Eddie gets two. Benjamin comes in for the first time and works on the neck of Rhyno. Chavo breaks up a pin attempt as this is just ok. It’s like any match that could have been on Smackdown yet it’s here on Wrestlemania. Benoit suplexes Haas for two. We’re off to Rhyno vs. Benjamin now. They’re tagging in and out quickly but it’s kind of keeping anything from getting started. It’s been a random assortment of one on one matches so far. Nothing bad but nothing that interesting.

Eddie dropkicks Rhyno to take over and it’s off to Benoit vs. Guerrero again. Guerrero gets a belly to back and sets for the Frog Splash but gets caught in a superplex for two as Shelton saves. Benoit fires Eddie into the air for a flapjack and pulls him down into the Crossface in an awesome looking move. Haas breaks it up seconds later and then just leaves so the two masters can go at it some more.

Chavo comes in and cleans a lot of house. His name being Guerrero kind of hurts him as he’s always in Eddie’s shadow. Rolling Germans to Chavo but Chavo makes a blind tag to Shelton. Superkick to Benoit gets two. Eddie vs. Shelton at the moment so Shelton covers Benoit. Frog Splash breaks up the pin though so it’s off to Chavo vs. Haas. Haas suplexes him and gets Gored. Gore to Chavo and Benjamin steals the pin to retain the titles.

Rating: C+. It was getting a lot better at the end when they dropped the tagging stuff but this was a match that could have been on any Smackdown for the most part. It’s good and definitely the best match of the night so far. Still though, not much here but good stuff for what it was.

Torrie and Stacy argue with the Catfight girls over who made Mania, Hulk or Vince. This isn’t sexy or interesting, it’s just annoying at this point as the Catfight girls read from a script. Apparently this argument is going to be settled “in bed”. Lord help us all. One of them keeps saying Holgan instead of Hogan.

From this thing on, everything is nearly 18 minutes long.

We recap Jericho vs. Shawn. Shawn came back and won the world title. Jericho ran his mouth so Jericho got kicked in the face. He eliminated Shawn from the Rumble and vice versa. Shawn was his inspiration apparently and wanted a match at Mania. Jericho was walking through the curtain one night and something kicked him in the face. Shawn came out and posed over him, saying he’d see him at Wrestlemania. Jericho was evil here, putting Stacy in the Walls of Jericho and drilling Shawn with chairs.

Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels

Shawn brings a confetti gun with him. Oh ok he has them throughout the entrance to fire his own pyro. Cute kind of. Shawn gets pyro that goes around the back of the stadium when he does his in ring pose. That’s pretty cool. The fans are into Shawn of course as they have some mat stuff going on to start us off. Shawn lays on the top rope which is something I always found funny.

Headlock takes Jericho to the mat and out he goes to the floor. Shawn teases a plancha but Jericho sees it coming. Shawn stops and goes with a baseball slide instead. Back in a cross body gets two for Jericho as he rolls through Shawn’s move. Jericho hammers away but can’t get the bulldog. Shawn busts out a figure four and Jericho is in trouble.

After that doesn’t last long a headscissors puts Jericho on the floor, allowing Shawn to hit his plancha. Jericho counters and locks on the Walls on the floor. Shawn’s back goes into the post and HBK is in trouble. Jericho gets another dropkick to keep Shawn on the floor. Shawn’s back is the target now and it’s all Jericho. The cocky pin doesn’t work so we go to the chinlock.

Shawn reverses a suplex into a DDT but he can’t get up. Once he finally does, Jericho adds a forearm and the Nip Up. Shawn Nips Up also and then does it again. There’s the moonsault press for a long two. We get the always classic pinfall reversal sequence, resulting in a Walls attempt but Shawn kicks him off instead.

Northern Lights Suplex gets two for Jericho but Shawn bridges up for a backslide. Jericho reverses that and takes Shawn does to retain control. Lionsault gets two and Shawn starts his comeback. Rana misses though and it’s into the Walls for Shawn. Shawn makes the rope but his back is destroyed. Backbreaker sets up a top rope back elbow for no cover.

Instead Jericho Tunes up the Band. A fairly awesome Sweet Chin Music puts Shawn down for two and Jericho isn’t sure what to do next. Shawn gets a cross body out of the corner and some rights to buy himself some time. Shawn teases the Walls of Jericho but goes with a slingshot instead, sending Jericho into the post. Jericho tries a belly to back off the top but Shawn spins over into a cross body for a long two.

Shawn goes up and gets crotched via the referee being sent into the rope. Superplex is blocked though as Shawn shoves him off and there’s the elbow. Time to Tune up the Band again but the kick misses and it’s into the Walls again. A rope is grabbed and Jericho tries to beg to the referee. Chris walks into Sweet Chin Music though and down he goes but Shawn can’t cover. Both guys are back up and Jericho sends him into the corner. Shawn flips over and gets his feet under Jericho’s shoulders, rolling him backwards to end this finally.

Rating: A-. Definitely a great match, but not an all time classic. HBK shows he still can go at Mania and Jericho has one of the best matches of his life here as he’s totally into this. The only thing missing was the superkick to end it for Shawn, but this might have been better, not sure yet.

Jericho kicks Shawn in the balls post match, cranking his heel rating up by about 10.
Last month at no Way Out the show was in Montreal, there was a French ref that screwed Hogan out of the rematch with the Rock by helping Vince. He heads into Vince’s locker room.

Goldberg debuts at Backlash. That may have been the biggest flop in company history. It turns out he fought Rock in Rock’s last match before he left to make another movie, thereby more or less ending his time as an active wrestler.

New attendance record of over 54,000. Impressive again.

Limp Biskit performs AGAIN, and somehow the people couldn’t care less than they did the first time. This goes on 5 minutes.

Torrie’s Playboy came out two days later. We see clips of a news conference. We get the Catfight between the Catfight Girls and Torrie/Stacy. Coach gets stripped down to his underwear, as do the rest of the girls. Not a real match, not an interesting segment. The only thing good about this is Stacy’s Legs music which I always liked.

Time to talk about the Raw World title. This show has been on for nearly two hours and this literally hasn’t been mentioned until now. There hasn’t been a graphic, there hasn’t been hype, there hasn’t been an interview. If that’s not proof that the title matches aren’t the biggest on the card, I don’t know what is.

The idea here is that they’re playing up Booker’s hard life growing up vs. HHH’s privileged lifestyle. Booker pinned him on Raw in a tag match. Nothing about this match screams Mania at all. Unforgiven or Judgement Day maybe, but not Wrestlemania.

Raw World Title: Booker T vs. HHH

Oh and Booker pinned HHH on Raw this past week. I forgot about that but it’s not like it’s going to matter. HHH has the purple tights on here too. Poor Booker. He actually thinks he has a chance here. We hear about his hard life and how he worked his way up to become a 5 time WCW Champion. Jerry: HHH told us how much of a joke that place was. Ross: I worked in WCW. You didn’t. How would you know it was a joke? Jerry: Was it a joke? Ross: Darn right it was! Too funny.

They slug it out in the corner to start with Booker having a slight advantage. HHH actually goes up top and gets arm dragged down. Out to the floor now and the champion goes into the post. Back in and a clothesline gets two for Booker. Now we talk about the Fink for no apparent reason. HHH sends Booker to the apron and rams his head into the post to take over.

Jerry keeps making prison/court jokes about Booker. Neckbreaker by HHH gets two and he lays in the shots. The fans chant for Booker so HHH hits a spinebuster on him to quiet that down and get two in the process. Big clothesline in the corner gets the same. Suplex gets reversed and Booker hits a DDT and Lawler makes fun of Booker again. Ross has to stop himself from saying GD which gets Lawler laughing.

Side slam gets no cover for Booker but a spinning forearm gets two. Sleeper by HHH doesn’t work but a high knee does. It’s been mainly the champion in control here. Facebuster connects but HHH walks into a spinebuster for two. HHH tries to go up again and jumps into a jump kick by Booker for two. Axe kick and side kick misses, the latter of which sends Booker to the floor.

Flair drills Booker’s knee into the stairs to give HHH something to work on. HHH busts out an inverted Indian Death Lock which you won’t see for years. HHH, love him or hate him, is almost as old school as you get. Off to a regular one as Booker is in trouble. For those of you unfamiliar, the best way I can put it is a Sharpshooter with the legs instead of the arms and legs and less torque on the back. It doesn’t matter as a rope is grabbed.

HHH tries to send him into the corner and Booker collapses. Knee crusher is reversed into a sunset flip for two as the fans pop big for it. Pedigree is countered but Booker is launched into the referee who stays down for about a second. Must not have been planned. Booker gets a jumping back elbow and his leg is fine now. Scissors kick puts HHH down as now the leg hurts again. That gets two.

Booker goes up but Flair interferes to let HHH get to Mr. T. Superplex is blocked and Booker hits the Harlem (Houston here) Hangover for no count as Flair puts the foot on the ropes. Naturally, as after all HHH isn’t allowed to lose the title for a very long time right? Booker’s knee gives way and HHH hits the Pedigree. Twenty five seconds later HHH puts his hand on Booker and retains. Well of course he does.

Rating: C+. This was around the time that HHH was trying to expand his moveset to include things like the sleeper, Indian deathlock and DDT. They’re ok, but he wanted them as extra finishers and that just didn’t work. It was a very weird time in his career right now and this match it the crowning glory of that time. It’s clear here that Booker wasn’t going to win the title and was being fed to HHH. If you want to see the time where people say HHH was taking over the company, here is exhibit A.

WM 20 is going to be at Madison Square Garden. That is where it belongs.

We recap Hogan vs. Vince. If Hogan loses, he retires…again. This is billed as 20 years in the making, despite this being the 19th year of Mania. The fight is over who should get the credit for Mania, both the Hulka and Wrestle varities. That’s a thread that was great when it was done and I’d like to see a replay of it.

Anyway, this is a street fight for obvious purposes. It’s also the match that sold this show, but in WWE logic, that can’t go on last of course as they didn’t learn from last year. While obviously this isn’t the entire story, the more I see of this the more I think Hulk should get more credit. Based on the video alone, this should be the main event.

Hulk Hogan vs. Vince McMahon

Hogan comes out to Voodoo Child. Are you serious? WWE owns the rights to the most legendary theme song in wrestling history and they use Voodoo Child? The pop is barely even there which surprises me. The fans are into it, but there’s not much special.

To top it all off, he comes out first. Seriously? I know Vince isn’t a fan of Hogan’s but this is absurd. Once they say his name he gets a pop, but I really think the fans didn’t know who he was at first. Hogan, nice guy that he is, rips up a Vince Still Sucks sign.To say McMahon is ripped is an understatement.

Hogan takes him down with a clothesline to start and we get some “ground and pound.” Vince fights back and hammers away, working on the arm. They’re moving incredibly slowly right now too. The arm goes around the post as we talk about the steroids trial in the early 90s, which according to Stephanie was like 9/11. Test of strength goes on and Hogan fights back up.

They ram chests like Warrior and Hogan but once again Vince kicks him in the gut to bring him back to his knees. Vince having a muscular man on his knees. Make your own jokes here. Hogan fights up for the third time and gets kicked in the ribs again and sent to the floor. Vince hammers away even more and has been in control the majority of the match here.

Chair shot to Hogan misses and Vince is rammed into the post instead. The chair drills Vince as Hulk takes over for a bit. Vince is busted open so Hogan hammers away. Crowd is into this too. Another chair to the back and down goes Vince. Hogan misses a chair shot and the Spanish Announcer takes it in the head. That’s what he gets for putting stuff on their table I guess.

Low blow by Vince shifts control again and he grabs the chair. And now Vince sets up a ladder. This cannot end well at all. He sets it between the tables and Hogan is laid out on the Spanish Announce Table with a monitor shot to the head. Vince climbs up, does the hand to the ear, and drops a leg onto Hogan, leaving both people laying.

After they lay around for about two minutes off of that, Vince rolls him back in and gets two for a big (although what should be an unsurprised) pop. Vince’s face is creepy from that. He goes under the ring and luckily finds a lead pipe. We get the famous shot of Vince’s crazy/evil eyes as he slowly rises up above the apron to get back in.

Hogan, ever the hero, gets a low blow to make Vince drop the pipe. A guy runs in through the crowd in a hood and pulls it off, revealing Rowdy Roddy Piper. Well he belongs in the discussion I guess. He picks up the pipe and drills Hogan with it, I guess being a heel. Piper is fathere too. Piper leaves and that gets two, putting us right back to where we were before Piper got here.

The referee steps on the pipe so Vince can’t use it. It’s a street fight so anything goes right? Vince drills him and waves down another referee. He gets two: an actual referee and the aforementioned French referee (future tag champion Sylvan Grenier). Another pipe shot and leg drop get two as Hulk Hulks Up. Down goes the French dude to the power of AMERICA. Hogan drops THREE leg drops and this is finally over.

Rating: B. While not the legendary classic it gets credit for, this was very fun indeed. Piper makes little to no sense to me at all here. Stupidly enough, it led to a feud between Hogan and Piper/Sean O’Haire. Really? Anyway, this was a very fun fight all day. I never really thought Vince would win, but it was fun to believe in him for awhile. Biggest flaw for me though: that freaking Voodoo Child song. HULK HOGAN’S MUSIC IS REAL AMERICAN. Anyone could tell you that. So freaking stupid.

Shane comes out to check on his dad. Yeah that’s all he’s here for. Seriously, he does nothing else.

We recap Rock vs. Austin. What recap do you need here? This match is the epitome of a grudge match. The idea here is simple: Rock has never beat Austin in a big match, namely at WM. He has done it all but defeat his arch rival and it’s killing him. This would have been so much more effective had it been 1-1 at Mania for them.

The problem for me was simple. So what if Rock wins? It’s still 2-1 Austin and Austin beat him twice for the title. That doesn’t exactly scream even to me. This is a weird thing to do here as Rock is finally (get it?) as big as Austin as far as star power despite Austin being so far past his prime he can’t even see it and Rock would be gone in a month, but he’s finally the true heel here and it’s one on one.

This whole match is built on Rock needing to win and getting more and more desperate to do it. They’re both nowhere near as good as they were 2-3 years ago, but they’re still very solid.

This gets the music video treatment but it doesn’t pack anywhere near the punch of My Way.

Steve Austin vs. The Rock

This is Austin’s last match as today. Austin comes off his fourth corner and turns around to see Rock waiting on him. This is the first time Austin came out second I think. There’s the bell and these two at Mania just feel right. They slug it out and Austin takes control, shocking no one. Stunner misses early and we hit the floor. We go to the Smackdown table with Austin beating Rock to death.

Rock goes into the steps and takes a belly to back suplex in the ring. We get into the wrestler vs. actor debate which is rather interesting indeed. This match has DQs mind you. Rock gets a shot to Austin’s knee which I think is his first offense of the match so far. Out to the floor again and Rock gets a second chop block to take Austin down.

After some more knee work on the floor Rock sends him into the ring again and stomps away. Austin fires off some punches but lowers his head and Rock takes the knee out again to stop Austin’s momentum. Sharpshooter goes on and Austin is in trouble. Hebner is the referee so I’d listen for a quick bell. Rock might take that….something or other to Hollywood and Vince might not get to make a bombing movie out of it.

Ross goes OFF on Jerry about talking about Hollywood so much. Rock wraps Austin’s leg around the post again and throws on Austin’s vest. Oh my stars and garter belts. Austin fights back and it’s a double clothesline to put both of them down. Back up and they slug it out with the knee seemingly fine again. I guess that’s a Texan thing. Thesz Press and Austin hammers away.

FU Elbow gets two, probably because it’s just an elbow drop. Austin stomps a mudhole but Rock hits a clothesline and nips up. Austin gets a Rock Bottom out of nowhere to the Rock as he’s still in the vest. That gets two. Stunner is blocked but Rock gets the Stunner for two of his own. That should be a scoring system in the event of a tie.

Rock hammers away but the final punch misses and it’s a Stunner by Austin for a long two. Austin tosses the referee away to get to Rock but Rock gets a low blow and it’s time for the People’s Elbow. Austin moves out of the way but can’t get another Stunner. The second People’s Elbow (minus the jacket) gets two, likely because it’s just an elbow drop.

Both guys are spent and Rock is getting up first. The fans are all over the Rock here. Rock Bottom hits but only gets two and a big pop. Rock is stunned. See what I did there? Another Rock Bottom somehow gets two and Rock doesn’t know what to do. A third Rock Bottom FINALLY ends Austin and the Rock has finally gotten the win at Wrestlemania over Austin.

Rating: B+. This is a tricky one. It’s a far cry from their epic wars before and is a joke compared to their match two years ago, but this was a different kind of match. I shortchanged this before but this is a good match. Rock was the star here, which granted has to do with him being 30 and Austin being 39 here. They beat the heck out of each other and while Austin was a shell of his former self he was still good here. Good match and a good way to close out Austin’s career.

Austin gets the big sendoff as I think it was kind of understood that he was done at this point.

We recap Angle vs. Lesnar. Lesnar won the Rumble to get here and Kurt is champion. Kurt had thrown Team Angle at Lesnar a bunch and kept ticking Lesnar off, including switching places with his brother to get a pin on Brock in a title match. This is more or less a dream match and if anyone interferes, if Kurt gets counted out or disqualified, he loses the title.

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Brock Lesnar

And here we are. FINALLY it’s the last match of the show but the fans are so drained they don’t even know what’s going on anymore. Kurt had reinjured his neck but instead of being out for a year and you know, really getting it fixed, he got a quick fix, resulting in him likely being on the verge of death every time he gets in the ring. There was a real chance this was his last match. Cole’s voice is almost completely gone here. Lesnar of course has a rib injury. My goodness when did he not have a rib injury?

Brock debuted the night after Mania the year before (which was in mid March but we’ll call it a year still) so this is an incredible rookie year for him. We get both of their resumes and they’re incredibly impressive to say the least. Tito Ortiz is in the front row. All of a sudden a lot of the ground and pound and submission stuff just got a lot funnier.

Shocking no one they go to the mat and technical stuff early. It’s so weird to see guys that are awesome at what they do with that stuff and have it look this good. Angle tries the headlock but Lesnar easily overpowers him. Kurt is moving very gingerly here. Brock fires off those shoulders in the corner and gets a powerslam for two.

Angle snaps off a suplex but Brock is right back up almost immediately. Out to the floor with Kurt trying to run. By the power of Akbar though, IT’S A TRAP and Kurt drills Brock as he comes in to take over. Brock is like screw that and gets a gorilla press to take over again. Angle Germans Brock into the buckle in an awesome spot. Brock gets pounded down on the floor for a bit.

Belly to back gets two in the ring. A vertical version of it gets two as well. Kurt grabs a modified STF that has Brock in agony. It shifts off into a chinlock as Angle loses the leg hold. Modified camel clutch now which furthers the pain in the ribs. Can’t say Kurt doesn’t have psychology going for him. Brock stands up and rams Kurt’s back into the corner to break the hold.

Belly to belly by Kurt reinjures Lesnar’s ribs as does a knee to the back. A second sends Brock to the floor. Back in Angle runs into a spinebuster Brock comes back and hammers away with the power but runs into an elbow. BIG belly to belly sends Angle flying as does a second one. Those get two and probably another neck surgery for Kurt.

Angle grabs Rolling Germans out of nowhere, each time landing on the back of his head and neck. This time it’s 4 suplexes though and both guys are spent. Neither finisher can hit with the F5 being countered into the ankle lock. That gets shifted to the half crab which is probably a stupid move by Kurt given the position he had Brock in. Cole’s voice is gone. Get that man some tea.

Kurt charges but gets backdropped to the floor to give Brock a chance to breathe. Brock takes over but Angle gets one HECK of a German suplex, flipping Lesnar onto his stomach in the air for two. There go the straps and the Angle Slam hits, naturally, for two. Cole says that’s the first time anyone has kicked out of it. Something tells me that’s nonsense.

Brock counters another Slam attempt into a small package that Taz calls a Spladle or something like that. Yeah it was a small package. F5 out of nowhere gets two as the crowd is finally into this. Ankle Lock goes on and gets the grapevine. Wow so someone actually did escape this. Ankle lock is avoided, as is the Slam. HUGE F5 puts Angle down, but Brock goes up instead.

We now get the sickest looking spot in a good many years at any show as Lesnar, weighing nearly 300lbs and being dead tired goes to the top rope. Now when I originally watched this, I had seen Lesnar down in OVW use a shooting star press and it was the best thing I’d ever seen in a wrestling ring, but there was no way I could ever believe he would throw one out at Wrestle-freaking-mania.

Of course he did though, but he shows why he shouldn’t, as he under-rotates and lands on his head. I don’t care who you are, that is sick looking. Luckily Angle is smart enough to cover him here to keep the match going. Right there, if Lesnar had gotten pinned I don’t think anyone would have been able to say a word to him.

They show the replay from another camera angle and you can hear Taz absolutely freak over it. That was indeed one of the sickest looking things I’ve ever seen. Lesnar hits another F5 and gets the win. Post match, Lesnar’s eyes show that he is absolutely gone. He has no clue where he is and it looks bad. Angle shakes his hand and fireworks play us out. Clearly not the planned finish but they did what they could and it made sense given the circumstances.

Rating: A-. These guys nearly killed each other, literally. One of those suplexes goes bad and Angle dies, Lesnar nearly killed himself on the ending. This was a great match though, but the ending just stops it in its tracks and it really hurts things. Had that landed, this is a definite A. It’s certainly worth watching though.

Brock is handed the title and is absolutely gone. I doubt he knew his name at this point.

Overall Rating: B. This went back and forth for me. It’s definitely good, but it’s far from great. It ended well with the face taking the gold like he should have, but the booking for this show was absolutely terrible. What this show desperately needed was a first half main event. Look at your final five matches: HBK/Jericho (best wrestling on the card by far), HHH vs. Booker T (Raw Title), Street Fight (the real main event), Austin/Rock (no explanation needed) and Lesnar/Angle (SD Title).

You can clearly see the problem. There’s no chance at all to catch your breath here and it’s very draining. A filler, like say Taker’s match in between there somewhere and another like the triple threat tag match, or even the Raw Tag Titles from Heat would have nearly saved this show. Maybe a segment or something like that also. Either way, the second half of this show is WAY too packed and it hurts things badly. The show is good, but I’d watch it out of order. Recommended, but not as great as it’s made out to be.

 

 

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Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania XVIII (Original): It’s Not About Them

Wrestlemania 18
Date: March 17, 2002
Location: Skydome, Toronto, Canada
Attendance: 68,237
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross
America the Beautiful: N/A

Now this is a very interesting case. WWE had completely bombed the previous year with the Alliance and the Invasion. Those angles had to be pushed forward because HHH was injured about two months after Wrestlemania X7. Since then we had two world titles running around meaning two champions. At Vengeance, they were unified into the Undisputed Championship. That’s the night Jericho references once every 8.3 minutes.

Anyway, your main idea here is that after Shane and Stephanie lost in the Winner Take All Match, they sold their shares to none other than Ric Flair. He and Vince owned half of the company, but Vince couldn’t handle this. He says that if Flair doesn’t sell the shares back to him, he’ll poison the company by bringing in the NWO. Of course this winds up happening and it’s nowhere near as effective as it was 6 years ago in WCW.

They cost Austin the title so he’s mad at Hall and they have a match tonight. Rock challenges Hogan for the super match WHICH SHOULD HAVE BEEN AUSTIN. Seriously, if WWE wants to kid themselves and try to believe that Rock was at Austin’s level, go ahead. That belongs in the same book that says Attitude was a completely original idea. So instead we get Rock vs. Hogan. There’s one big issue that this causes: no one cares about HHH vs. Jericho now.

People weren’t buying into his title reign in the first place as there’s a common rumor going around that says the Undisputed Title was supposed to go to HHH but he wasn’t healthy yet. I would completely buy that if someone told me it was true. This is the last WM before the brand split made an attempt to kill the company. Let’s get to it.

Here’s your first clue that this show is going to be bad: Saliva plays Superstar to kick it off. Not O Canada? Seriously, we get this to start the show? Anyone else kind of disappointed? Don’t get me wrong, Saliva is a sweet band (their concerts completely suck though. Save your money and just listen to the CDs. They’re miles better).

The fans aren’t even into it at all as it’s just completely out of place. The standard “This is our Super Bowl” video follows. That is used a lot but there’s a reason: it’s the truth. The four guys in the main events tonight get to talk about what Mania means tonight. They did a good job of making it feel epic if nothing else. Pretty cool video of people talking about how important Mania is, and 8 minutes after the show started we hear JR. Lawler is back this year and it’s very nice to hear. Those two just belong at Wrestlemania.

Intercontinental Title: William Regal vs. Rob Van Dam

Ladies and Gentlemen (notice the Saliva pun?) we have proof once and for all that Vince hates RVD and anything he didn’t create. If you remember the fall before this, Van Dam was main eventing a pay per view and getting great pops everywhere the show went. He was incredibly over and it’s not like his in ring stuff is terrible. Sure he’s no Lou Thesz but it’s not like he does nothing out there.

Wouldn’t you think a guy that gets pops like he does is worth more than the opening spot? Just shows me that no matter what he did, RVD was never going to get a fair shake. He gets caught with drugs once and he’s gone. Jeff gets caught how many times and still gets a title run. (Ironically enough I’m rewriting this the morning after Victory Road 2011). Seriously, there’s something completely not right about that.

Regal is perhaps the most bland heel I’ve ever seen at this point. He was just completely boring. The crowd is chanting for RVD less than 20 seconds in. Standing moonsault gets no cover by Van Dam as he starts off very quickly. Regal grabs the brass knuckles very quickly but RVD kicks them out of his hand. Spin kick misses but Van Dam hits the jump kick to set up the Five Star.

That misses and it’s Regal with a cover for two. Suplex gets two. RVD fights back a bit but the Regal Cutter (neckbreaker) puts him right back down. Off to the chinlock and Regal is bleeding from the mouth. Rolling Thunder eats knees and a butterfly powerbomb gets two. Regal Stretch doesn’t work either.

Monkey flip puts Regal down but Rob walks into a SICK half nelson suplex to send him to the floor. Regal goes out to get Van Dam and finds the knuckles which the referee knocks away. Regal pulls out more but Van Dam kicks him in the face and the Five Star starts Van Dam’s Mania unbeaten streak.

Rating: C. This isn’t much at all. It’s the second year in a row Regal was in the IC match in the opening, but this is far worse than last year as it was just kind of there. There’s no story, no psychology that’s noticeable, and it’s mainly Van Dam just using his signature moves. It’s not a terrible match, but there was nothing great about it at all.

Lillian is with Christian and we see a clip of him turning on his mentor DDP who helped him get over Christian’s losing streak. Christian doesn’t need Page or Toronto anymore. That’s a bad thing for Page apparently.

European Title: Christian vs. DDP

Christian’s At Last You Are On Your Own entrance is just great. He’s announced as being from Tampa, Florida, which is a very nice little heel touch that could be done more often. DDP was the guy that drove the Pink Cadillac at WM 6 in the same building. Page is so ridiculously charismatic it’s unreal. He might even rival Hogan in that category.

Christian jumps him as we get into the ring and it’s on early. DDP gets a nice gutwrench powerbomb into a gutbuster. Cactus Clothesline by Page takes us to the floor. Back in and Page tries the ten punches in the corner but Christian pops Page in the balls to break that up. Page is knocked to the floor as this isn’t interesting at all.

An attempted crotch shot to the post by Page is blocked. Nothing of note is going on here. Back in the ring and we get an abdominal stretch. Discus lariat misses and it’s back to Christian’s control. Page gets something close to a powerslam off the top and both guys are down. There’s the discus lariat and down goes Christian.

Modified spiral bomb by Page gets two again. Neither the Unprettier or the Diamond Cutter works and Christian gets two off a reversed DDT. Christian avoids having a temper tantrum which was this stupid thing he was doing at the time. Diamond Cutter ends it clean and Page retains. He never got over in WWE at all. Page makes fun of Christian post match.

Rating: D+. Just like the previous match, this was next to nothing. These matches simply don’t feel like Wrestlemania matches to put it as basically as I can. They’re PPV quality I suppose, but not WM quality. Again, not bad, but nothing special at all. Like I said, Page just never clicked at all in this company.

Christian has a fit post match.

Coach is with Rock in the back and the fans chant for Hogan. Rock asks Coach is he said his prayers this morning but Coach says he got busy and forgot. Rock makes him say his prayers, which Coach starts off with by saying “What’s up G?” Rock freaks and throws him out. Coachman getting harassed by Rock simply never got old. Rock rips his t-shirt as he says Hogan will smell what he’s cooking. Good grief he was amazing.

Hardcore Title: Goldust vs. Maven

Yes, Eyebrows Huffman is back and somehow he has a title. This match is happening for the sole reason of having a hardcore title match. Remember 24/7 is still in effect. Maven gets his teeth kicked in beyond belief on the floor, more or less being a crash dummy. A golden shovel goes into Maven’s ribs. He then lands the only move he ever really mastered: a standing dropkick. He really was great at that.

Other than that, Maven is beaten inside and out here as this is little more than a squash at this point. They hit each other with trash can lids but Spike Dudley runs out with a referee and pins Maven to win the title? Yes this clearly needed to be on the PPV as we’re now almost 40 minutes into the show and the highlight is a TV match for the IC Title and Maven’s theme music.

Crash Holly runs down and chases Spike, Goldust chases Spike and Maven chases Goldust. Oh this isn’t going to end with just the match is it?

Drowning Pool performs Tear Away to “tell the story” of the Undisputed Title. Instead of, I don’t know, maybe just telling us? This is overkill at this point and the fans really aren’t that interested. This goes on WAY too long as even I’m fast forwarding. You can barely see the video that the song is supposed to be accompanying. This is a waste of time.

In that back, Crash and Spike are fighting but Al Snow drives a golf cart through a wall of boxes (good thing they were there isn’t it?) but Spike gets away. As he’s about to leave, Hurricane swings in on a cable and kicks Spike to win the title as Al gives chase. Oh this is going to be a long night.

Don’t try this at home.

After a 30 second spot to say don’t try this at home, we get a recap of what we just saw with Hurricane doing stuff that you could do at your own home. I know we have short attention spans but be serious people.

Kurt Angle vs. Kane

I’m trying to think of why this match happened and I’m drawing a blank. Apparently Kurt blames him for not being in the main event tonight so I’m guessing Royal Rumble. You figure it out. Anyway there’s no video for it or anything like that so how am I supposed to know? Pre match Angle references the scandal with the Canadian Olympic skating team. He’s the big red, white and blue machine. Kane’s pyro cuts him off. He’ll have to be subject to the blue and white machine aspects of Kurt I guess.

Angle hits Kane with the bell during the pyro to give him the advantage. Apparently Kane got attacked by Angle a few weeks ago and his head is messed up because of it. German puts Kane down. Kane comes back with right hands but walks into an overhead belly to belly and a clothesline. We keep hearing about Angle not being in the main event because of Kane which I guess could have been due to a Jericho/Angle title match which I don’t remember either.

Another suplex sends Kane down again for two. Off to a front facelock but Kane is like screw that and tosses him off. Better than tossing his salad I guess. Angle busts out a top rope clothesline and the fans boo the heck out of him, which is odd as that was a solid clothesline. The second attempt at it is caught and down go both men.

Here’s Kane’s comeback with a back drop and powerslam. Chokeslam gets two and Kane gives us a throat slit. Tombstone is reversed and there’s the Angle Slam for two as well. There’s the ankle lock but it gets reversed. Never mind as it’s right back on again. Kane gets an enziguri to take down Angle again. On the bad leg Kane goes up only to get suplexed off the top which never gets old. Chokeslam is reversed into an incredibly sloppy rollup with Kane’s shoulder up to end it.

Rating: C+. Decent match and by far the best match of the night so far, but that ending really hurts it. Also, why did this match exist again? It’s very odd to see WWE give us a match like this with absolutely no explanation. Nothing too bad here, but dang there was limited chemistry.

Hurricane is trying to hide but winds up in Godfather’s locker room with his ladies. They see him and Godfather chases him off. Point?

We recap Taker vs. Flair. Taker was eliminated by Maven at the Rumble in a big surprise. Rock made fun of him for it so they have a match at No Way Out. Taker tries to use a pipe on Rock but for no reason at all Flair comes out to stop him. Taker challenges him for Mania but Flair says no.

Taker starts beating up his loved ones such as Arn Anderson and his son David. He threatens to beat up his daughter and that’s enough to get Flair to say yes. Part of the deal with this is that during a fight on Smackdown, Flair hit a “fan”. This gets him arrested and thrown off the Board of Directors (Flair being demoded. Holy crap.) Tough guy Taker with the ability to talk is freaking awesome. This is no DQ also.

Undertaker vs. Ric Flair

Flair still looks human here. He hammers away to start as Taker is knocked backwards quickly. They go out onto the table with Flair mauling the dead man. Back into the ring and Flair hammers away. All Flair so far at about two minutes into this. Flair jumps off the apron at Taker but gets caught and rammed into the post. This of course gives us time to talk about the plane crash.

Taker sends Flair into the steps, prompting a fan to say that had to hurt which makes me laugh. Back in the ring and they hammer away even more. Flair goes into the middle buckle and somehow isn’t bleeding yet. Back to the floor again via a Flair Flip and a big boot as Taker pounds Flair into a chair. Flair is, say it with me, busted open.

Back into the ring now and Flair is getting hammered down. BIG chop out of the corner by Flair and here he comes. Ross is into this too as you would expect. Taker’s face is cut a bit as he hits a superplex to kill Flair dead. That of course gets two as Taker hammers away while pulling Flair up every time. Taker goes up for Old School and wastes enough time to have it countered.

We hit the floor again and Flair finds a lead pipe on Taker’s bike, popping him in the head with it. That doesn’t put Taker down of course and we fight up the aisle with Taker bleeding but in control. Flair finds a metal sign to get some shots in as we head back into the ring. Big kick to the balls breaks up a chokeslam attempt and it’s time for the leg.

There’s the Figure Four and Taker is in trouble. Taker grabs the throat ala Big Show back in 96 and chokeslams Flair for two. To be fair it was a pretty weak chokeslam. Does goes the referee and according to Taker it’s pipe time. Arn Anderson pops up out of nowhere and DRILLS Taker with a spinebuster to a huge pop and a two count.

Taker brings in another weapon, this time a chair, but according to Law #8 of wrestling, Flair gets it and pops Taker with it a few times. A big boot stops that and it’s time for the Last Ride. For some reason Flair dead weights him so instead it’s a Tombstone (BIG pop for that) to end it as that looked great. Flair is victim #10.

Rating: B. Leave it to the old guys to come out there and have one of the better matches of the show. I don’t think anyone thought Flair would win but it was fun to see him go out there and just be Flair one more time. After this it was more or less nothing but Evolution and HHH for Flair so it didn’t mean much. Flair would be a heel very soon and Taker would be world champion in a few months. Good match.

Booker talks about how smart he is. He mentions knowing about Einstein’s theory of relatives. This was about one of the most creative backstories I’ve heard in awhile. Booker was allegedly trying to get an endorsement deal for a Japanese shampoo commercial, but before he signed the contract the company found Edge instead. This match is the result of that. You have to say, that’s creative if nothing else.

Booker T vs. Edge

 

So Edge is awesome and it’s his hometown. Who do you think is going to win here? JR wants a cheeseburger from the Hard Rock Café. Funny sign: They Are Fighting Over Shampoo. Truer words have never been spoken. Ton of Edge signs and he gets a great reaction. Basic stuff to start with Booker landing a hot shot to take Edge down.

Out to the floor for just a bit and a missile dropkick gets two. All Booker so far. Edge fires back with a big chop but Booker takes him down on the back of his head with an Alabama Slam for two. Edge botches a top rope rana as Booker lands on Edge’s back which has to freaking hurt. Spinwheel kick by Edge for two and here he comes (to save the day!).

Scissors Kick is reversed into the Edge-O-Matic for two. A top rope spinwheel kick (love that move) gets two for the Canadian. Twisting sunset flip out of the corner is countered into a slingshot by Edge but the spear misses. Spinarooni sets up the axe kick for two. Edge gets an arm drag and the spear for a close two. And there’s the Edgecution to end things. That came out of nowhere.
Rating: C. While this was really just an excuse to get the hometown boy on the show, the pop he got makes up for it. While not bad, this isn’t the best match for either of them but it’s certainly good. Edge’s super push continues, but would get knocked off the tracks by neck surgery just 10 months later as he was cracking into the main event.

In the back, Hurricane is interviewed by Coach about being Hardcore Champion. His sidekick, Mighty Molly appears and says that they need to leave. She then hits him in the head with a frying pan to win the title. Ok, I get that this is supposed to be silly, but there is no reason why there’s a freaking frying pan there. What’s that for, in case Big Show wants a fried roast? Seriously, at least use a chair or something.

All right ladies and gentlemen, pay attention, because you’re about to see the worst idea in Wrestlemania history.

We recap Austin vs. Hall. In short it was Austin vs. the NOW and the first person he went after was Hall. That’s about all there is to it. However, the first thing I want to know is what the heck? Austin is main eventing the show one year ago and is now the midcard special? No wait that would be Rock and Hogan. Austin is now doing the Angle/Benoit match from last year.

This should have been Rock or someone else, leaving Austin vs. Hogan, end of discussion. Your story here is that the NWO took out Austin at No Way Out and cost him the title. Austin kidnapped Hall and tortured him, leading to the NWO attacking Austin and breaking a cinder block over his knee. In a move that was never explained, Austin’s OTHER knee is bandaged the next week. Anyway, let’s get on with this.

Scott Hall vs. Steve Austin
As soon as the bell rings we see your basic problem: Austin is viewed as a superstar, Hall is viewed as a joke. Hall is good enough in the ring to hang with Austin, but no one is buying this. Nash is out with him and helping Hall so at least it’s Austin vs. the Outsiders, but this just feels weak all over.

Austin would soon go on hiatus for several months (I saw his last match before he did this, or at least one of them) and I can’t say I blame him. His character was dead and buried at this point and he would only hang around for about another year. Anyway let’s get to this. Austin pounds away to start and it’s about what you would expect.

Thesz Press and the middle finger elbow connect before Hall can even get the vest off. Hall takes a ton of shots into the buckle and it’s off to the floor now. Austin pops Nash and heads back into the ring only to take a clothesline for two. They slug it out even more as Hall is shall we say limited at this point. Hall sends him to the floor and Nash hammers away.

Back in goes Austin and it’s more basic offense by Hall. WORST FALL AWAY SLAM EVER gets no cover. The fans chant Razor as he gets a clothesline for two. Nash adds in some shots to try to make the inevitable ending a bit less annoying. Austin grabs a weak spinebuster for no cover. Hall fires more punches as that’s about all he can do here.

Hall hits the ropes but runs into a Stunner out of nowhere so Nash pulls the referee out and drills him. The double beating begins but Austin fights them off and it’s a Stunner for both with no referee. Nash takes out the replacement referee as well so Austin backdrops Hall to the floor. The fans all look at something and it’s a bunch of referees to get rid of Nash. Hall hits a Stunner for two and then Austin gets a Stunner as well to end this for good.

Rating: D. I hate this match. It’s almost filler and for Austin, that’s a slap in his face. Put simply, he deserves much better than this. Hall and Nash just aren’t a legitimate challenge for the guy that was the world champion most of the previous year. Hall is ok to feed to someone like Edge or Benoit, but putting him in there with Austin? In no way, shape or form is that acceptable. I’m actually ticked off about this now. This is flat out stupid.

We see a video on Access. That really is a cool idea. It’s like a convention where you can meet wrestlers, call matches, etc.

Tag Titles: Billy/Chuck vs. Dudley Boys vs. APA vs. Hardys Boys
Saliva plays the Dudleyz theme and Stacy looks insanely hot dancing with them. That’s your match highlight. This has elimination rules. The APA are purely here to fill a spot as they would be split up a month later. Lita is in a match later so she’s not here either. Still just one set of titles at this point. You Look So Good To Me is freaking catchy.

This is under elimination rules by the way. The APA jumps the champions as they come in. Bradshaw and Chuck start us off and some double teaming puts Bradshaw down. Crowd is dead here as you would expect them to be. The APA and the champions (Billy and Chuck if I didn’t mention that earlier) have done the whole of the match so far.

Farrooq hits a spinebuster on Billy and then it’s off to Bradshaw. D-Von finally comes in and gets beaten down also. Total mess so far and we’re only about two minutes in. Farrooq hits a spinebuster on Chuck outside and the Clothesline ends Billy. Before Bradshaw can cover though a 3D puts the APA out. The Hardys come in to fight their old rivals.

The key word there is old, as neither of them meant anything anymore and both would go their separate ways very soon. Double DDT on Chuck clearly doesn’t hit the mat but who cares? The Dudleys set up a table on the floor which is for later I’d assume. Whisper in the Wind takes down Bubba but Stacy gets on the apron and pulls her shorts up into a thong. Jeff spanks her and shoves her down.

Bubba Bomb takes down Jeff who is a very pale man. Bubba hammers on him for awhile as we couldn’t be going through the motions more if our lives depended on it. We hit the chinlock as this is just boring. D-Von comes in to change a few things. Jeff gets caught in the Tree of Woe and Bubba steps on Jeff’s balls. Edge and Christian did that to Matt last year.

Matt comes in to send Bubba to the floor, knowing what Jeff’s balls feel like. Jeff gets a reverse DDT to bring in Matt. D-Von brings in Bubba and I’d rather watch some old 95 Raw than this. It’s that boring. Bubba misses his big back splash which has never hit once, likely for the sake of people’s lives. Billy saves Matt from What’s Up by shoving D-Von through the tables.

Twist of Fate and the Swanton put the Dudleys out. Chuck kicks Matt’s head off immediately after and we’re down to two teams here. Matt grabs a Side Effect on Billy as the crowd is more or less silent here. Poetry in Motion to Billy and the double finisher to Chuck. Billy gets a Fameasser to Jeff for two but then a belt shot to Jeff ends it.

Rating: F. How in the freaking world do you go from TLC 2 to this in just a year? The tag division was completely dead at this point so they split the belts. Well of course they did because that’s the dumbest thing they ever could have done. This was awful and everyone knew it. Boring all around with only Stacy being at her hottest to be worth anything.

Outsiders say they’re going to help Hogan. Hogan says don’t do it.

Molly runs into a door and Christian pins him. Tell me it’s over. I need to hear that it’s over.

Now it’s time for the REAL main event of Wrestlemania 18: The Rock vs. Hulk Hogan. This all starts with a tale as old as time: Rock wants to know who the better man is. In this case, that’s all this feud needed. Anyway, Hogan pins Rock with the leg drop in a 6 man on Raw, so we already have a reason to believe Hogan can win. Seriously, that should be enough right?

The scene with Rock and Hogan standing toe to toe in the ring on Raw in Chicago to start up the feud is incredible. Rock: “You talk about headlining Wrestlemania after Wrestlemania after Wrestlemania. Well how do you feel about headlining one more Wrestlemania with THE ROCK?” Game on.

Now we get to the really idiotic part as Hogan hit Rock in the back of the head with a hammer. When he was loaded into the ambulance, Hogan commandeered a semi truck and plowed into it. Rock was of course back on Raw the following week because that’s how he rolls I guess. Vince thought that two of the biggest names of all time facing each other wasn’t enough so he threw in a pointless story. That was just a waste to me and always will be.
The Rock vs. Hulk Hogan

Hogan’s pop is insane as the fans show that Hulkamania will indeed live forever. When Hogan is in the ring a HUGE Hogan chant starts up. Rock’s pop is clearly smaller, but it’s there. Ross tries to call this a mixed reaction which is just laughable. The staredown is indeed awesome. The guys seem really confused about the crowd. They pop for the bell. When do you ever hear that?

Hogan sends Rock flying off the lockup and the place erupts. I’ve always liked Hogan talking trash in the most basic of moves. In a headlock for example “Ask him ref or I’ll rip his head off!” Hogan shoves him away again and says just bring it. Hogan hammers away, saying “You ain’t nothing meatball”, which is a line from Rocky III.

Rock gets the big jumping clothesline/forearm and is booed out of the building. Rock hammers away and almost goes over the top but instead hits the floor under the ropes. An attempted Rock Bottom is blocked and Hogan “hits” an elbow to the top of the head and pounds away at Rock on the mat. Rock spears him and pounds away as the crowd is all over him.

Hogan gets a belly to back suplex to calm the riot. He throws on an abdominal stretch and rolls Rock up for two. Let the back raking begin. Time for some punches in the corner and Hogan can do no wrong more or less. Rock comes back with chops but Hogan gets what looked like a chokeslam of all things but I think was supposed to be a clothesline.

The wrist tape comes off and Hogan chokes away but Rock fires off some punches, only to be sent to the floor. Almost all Hogan so far as Rock can barely get anything going. Hogan starts setting up the (English) announce table but Rock rams him into the table to save himself. Rock tries a chair shot as more or less he’s turned heel mid match. The referee stops it though and we head back in.

Down goes the referee and it’s a spinebuster by Rock to set up the Sharpshooter. Rock might as well be eating a bowl of puppy and rainbow stew at this point. Hogan taps but there’s no referee. See, why in the world would Rock let Hogan go to wake up the referee? He’s going to get up on his own and Hogan is more or less dead. LOUD Rocky Sucks chant starts up which hasn’t been heard in years.

Rock takes a low blow and walks into his own Rock Bottom for two. The weightlifting belt comes off but Rock gets a DDT and more booing. Rock whips Hogan just like Hogan whipped him as the referee is down again. There’s a Rock Bottom to Hogan for two as the Hulking Up begins. The usual finishing sequence including the legdrop blows the roof off the place but only gets two, blowing what’s left of the roof off the place.

A second big boot hits but the leg drop misses. Rock Bottom plants Hogan but Rock isn’t done yet. He adds a second Rock Bottom to more or less kill Hogan. He nips up and it’s the People’s Elbow to get something close to a pop and send Hogan into vibrating fish mode. That’s enough to get the pin finally.

Rating: C+. There’s good and bad here. The crowd was electric the whole night and the nostalgia levels were off the charts. There’s one simple problem though: Hogan didn’t have it anymore. He was old and bad at this point, and his stuff simply wasn’t credible. While it’s fun, it’s not that good. The crowd and the atmosphere is all of the grade here. They had a great story of having Rock be the younger and in better shape guy that outlasted Hogan in the end. Well done and it worked very well by the end. Good story, good crowd, weak execution though.

Hogan offers Rock a handshake post match and we get it to a big pop. Rock leaves and the Outsiders come down, all ticked off about the handshake. They beat him down until Rock comes back for the save. Hogan tries to leave but Rock wants him to pose, and you don’t have to ask Hogan twice to do that. That eats up a few minutes and Hogan raises Rock’s hand as they leave together.
Big Show is at WWF New York as we have a new attendance record.

Women’s Title: Jazz vs. Lita vs. Trish Stratus

I’ve been watching wrestling over 20 years and I have never heard a more dead reaction for a champion than Jazz gets here. Literally, not a sound. No booing, no anything at all. It is complete silence. Lita gets a nice pop as I remember how completely awesome she was as a face. The song is perfect for her and her gyrations could give Melina a run for her money.

Trish of course gets the mega pop as the hometown girl. The problem here is simple: this match is following The Rock vs. Hulk Hogan. No one cared and I don’t care now. Well I do care about Trish in the tiny white shorts with the maple leaf on her trunks. Lita and Jazz go at it before Trish gets there. The two that people actually care about go at it on Jazz which doesn’t really work.

Half crab goes on Trish and now she’s in trouble. Double chicken wing to Lita as it’s all Jazz. Crowd is dead and you can clearly see a lot of people walking around and heading to the concession stand. This is one of those matches where nothing that happens actually matters so I’m not really going to bother with telling you what’s going on.

Trish is apparently hurt so of course Lawler offers to give her mouth to mouth. Trish rolls through a top rope cross body by Lita to get two on the redhead. Bulldog gets two as Jazz saves. Lawler lists off various countries that the show is airing in because they don’t want to call the match which I completely understand. I don’t want to either.

Lita and Trish go at it before this was a huge rivalry and before they had fought a dozen times on PPV. They slug it out with Lita mostly getting the better of it. Jazz interrupts the Twist of Fate and then stops to let Lita hit her. Lita takes her top off and tries a moonsault on both of them but winds up hitting Trish’s knees.

The two attractive ones hit heads and Jazz beats on them. Trish’s bulldog is blocked by Lita but Lita gets crotched on the top. Trish is knocked to the floor and a fisherman’s suplex off the top keeps the belt on Jazz. Yes, Jazz beat Trish in a title match in Toronto. Let that sink in for a minute.
Rating: F+. This is all based on how hot Trish and Lita look. The booking here is ridiculous to say the least. Trish gets the huge pop, comes out third, and doesn’t win? No. In no way, shape or form is this logical.

Christian tries to get a cab and escape as champion but Maven runs up on him and rolls him up to leave Mania with the title. At least it’s over.

WWF Undisputed World Heavyweight Title: HHH vs. Chris Jericho

It’s main event time and Drowning Pool plays HHH to the ring. Since there’s no backstory, here I am for the rescue. HHH and Stephanie are divorcing so Jericho teamed up with Stephanie so he’d have an advantage. HHH is back from the quad tear and won the Rumble to earn this shot. People are leaving the arena early as they know the ending already. What does that say about the main event of Wrestlemania? It’s that obvious that HHH gets the title back tonight.

Jericho has both belts because the Undisputed Title was supposed to go to HHH so he gets the big unified belt. Stephanie looks great in the skin tight leather body suit but the hair isn’t working at all. The crowd of course is confused because Jericho is Canadian but HHH is rather awesome at this point. Jericho has the bright green tights here to (not really) match Stephanie.

The champion wisely goes after the leg to start us off. Jericho chops away but HHH gets the jumping knee, only to limp away afterwards. HHH gets sent to the floor although he manages to send Jericho out as well, landing ribs first on the railing. We set up the Spanish announce table but Jericho gets a kick to the knee to stop HHH again.

Back in the ring and a spear by HHH takes Jericho down for a bit. We’re only a few minutes into this and they’re having some issues really getting going so far. HHH goes after the knee of Jericho to be funny I guess. Ironic maybe? Whatever. A Flair knee crusher sets up a Figure Four. Stephanie gouges his eyes to break that up though and the stalking is on.

That was another thing: everyone knew that HHH would get the Pedigree on Stephanie at some point tonight. Jericho charges at HHH but takes Stephanie down instead. Pedigree attempt to Stephanie but Jericho gets a missile dropkick to break it up and take over. The bad leg goes around the post a few times and Stephanie kicks it as well.

Jericho works on the knee some more in the ring and the Canadian is in control. Back to the post again as Stephanie adds a leg wrap in also. There’s the Canadian favorite of the figure four around the post. Back in and HHH tries to fight but gets taken down by a drop toehold. Jericho cranks on the leg as we’re steadily into the formula here.

Spinning toehold goes on by Jericho as the fans chant for Hogan. Well of course they are. HHH sends Jericho shoulder first into the post to break the momentum and adds a neckbreaker which Jericho is up from first somehow. Clothesline gets two for HHH. Facebuster hits but HHH can barely move after it. His offense is so knee based it’s unreal.

Spinebuster, perhaps his only non knee based move, gets two. Jericho reverses to send HHH out to the floor and therefore end the momentum that HHH had going for him. Jericho sets up the table again but can’t get the Walls of Jericho on there. Pedigree is broken up also and it’s a backdrop through the table. That and the Lionsault both gets two in the ring.

HHH gets back up but again can’t get the Pedigree. Jericho gets a shot to the knee and there are the Walls. After wasting some time with Jericho pulling HHH back to the middle he gets the ropes as we all knew he would. This is why heels not named Kurt Angle shouldn’t use submissions: they never work. HHH gets the rope of course.

Jericho hits the floor and grabs a chair. HHH grabs a DDT onto it and no one cares. Just get to the ending already. Stephanie gets in the ring and shoves the referee down. There’s a Pedigree for your efforts woman. Jericho gets a chair shot to the head for two and freaks out as only he can. Jericho tries a Pedigree and it naturally gets reversed. He tries to come off the middle rope and the real Pedigree finally ends it.

Rating: C+. It’s ok, but that’s it. The crowd was so dead it’s not even funny and it hurt the match really badly. Had this match gone on during the middle of the show or even just switched places with Rock/Hogan, it goes up in value at least 3x. The finish was anti-climactic and while it wasn’t one of the worst WM main events of all time as it’s certainly not a bad match by any means, it’s certainly not a good main event.

Massive posing takes us out. HHH would lose the title the next month to Hogan.

Overall Rating: C. I picked C because a C is average, which is what this show is. While it’s not terrible, it’s also not great and it falls somewhere in the middle. However, there’s too much filler which would become a problem with many of the Manias to come.

The problem here is simple: a lot of these matches either need to lose 5-10 minutes each, or be on Raw/Smackdown. Angle, Kane, Booker T and Edge all should be on WM, but their matches had next to no story to them. This is a situation in which the MITB match was a GREAT idea. All those pointless matches with wrestlers that certainly should have been on the card got thrown into a match that fit their level on the roster but also had a point to it.

Instead of getting these random one on one matches that are ok but tiring, we get one big exciting match instead. Overall the biggest issue with this show is obvious: the main event wasn’t the last match of the show and it killed the ending. If you want to make this Mania much better, don’t watch it in order and skip some of the boring stuff that no one cares about. Not bad but not great, watch it if it’s raining outside and you’re out of alcohol.

 

 

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Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania XVII (Original): The Great One

Wrestlemania 17
Date: April 1, 2001
Location: Astrodome, Houston, Texas
Attendance: 67,925
Commentators: Jim Ross, Paul Heyman
Star Spangled Banner: N/A

And here it is. This show makes up for the back to back lousy shows. This review is going to be extremely biased as I’ve made no secret to the fact that I think this is the greatest PPV of all time, as do many others. Some, including me, say that this was the end of the Attitude Era. WCW and ECW were both gone in their original forms by this point and the WWF reigned supreme.

While I’ll save the backstories for the individual matches, WCW going out of business plays a role later on in the show in case you didn’t know. I used to have the original on video but I’ve misplaced it since then. It might have ran away as I’ve probably watched this show 75 times all the way through. Does it still hold that honor, almost 8 years later? Let’s find out.
We start with a bit of a strange video of people all over the world watching Wrestlemania, implying that it’s almost a spiritual event. One thing I don’t get though: a man and a woman curl up in the back of a car to watch it. Since when can you get PPV in the back of a car? I think I’m looking too deeply into this. Let’s get on with the show.

The main event here is the face vs. face rematch of Austin and the Rock, which was absolutely the only choice for the main event as neither had anyone even remotely close to them. If this tells you anything, the second biggest match on the card was Taker vs. HHH. Even that, two of the biggest stars of all time going at it pales in comparison.

The version I’m watching has Limp Biskit’s My Way in it. The edited version sees it replaced by a song called Adrenaline Rush. This was used as the recap song for Impact, and this DVD of WM came out after that song was used by TNA. There’s something great about that. We are live in the Houston Astrodome, making this the first of the stadium Manias in quite some time.

It really makes it look better to me as there are almost 4 times as many people as there were at some Manias. The ring looks tiny and I love the visuals here. Paul Heyman is your analyst tonight as Lawler had quit the company. His wife, diva the Kat, had been released from the company for reasons unclear. Lawler thought it wasn’t fair so he quit as well. The witch then left him, causing him to lose his pride and come crawling back to Vince.

Enough talking. On with the action! And more talking, but I guess that goes with the territory.
Intercontinental Title: Chris Jericho vs. William Regal

This was during the time when Regal was the Commissioner of the company. On his first night with that job, Jericho had some out and asked him to shut up. Regal responded by putting Jericho in various handicap matches. Jericho fights back by having Kane and Undertaker destroy his office and relieving himself in Regal’s tea. We get this match to resolve this feud. In the time it took me to type that, Jericho has finally made his way to the ring.

Jericho also did a thing on Raw where he dressed up as Doink to beat up Regal. Never got the point of that one. Another aspect of the story is Regal beat up Jericho on Smackdown, injuring Jericho’s left shoulder with his finishing move known as the Regal Stretch. During Regal’s entrance we see the recap of what I just told you about. The aisle is LONG here so there’s time for a lot of talking and recapping during entrances.

Jericho gets a clothesline to start and the forearm sets up some mounted punches. Spinwheel kick puts Regal on the floor and Jericho is like screw it and hits a plancha to take Regal down. Heyman is fired up to be here to put it mildly. Top rope back elbow gets two and Jericho tries the Walls which he can’t hook on. Regal’s chest is RED from those chops. He manages to send Jericho shoulder first into the post and there goes the momentum. He does it again just for emphasis.

Suplex gets two and Regal works over the arm again. Jericho tries a quick Lionsault which misses and Regal gets a rollup for two. Another suplex gets two. Regal pulls the turnbuckle pad and Jericho’s shoulder goes into it twice. The referee is all cool with this I guess. Jericho fires off some enziguris to break things up a bit, called martial arts by Ross.

Missile dropkick from the middle rope gets two for Jericho. He charges at Regal in the corner but misses. Regal manages to get a butterfly suplex off the top which oddly works for him. No cover though as Regal is down. Scratch that as it was just delayed and it gets two. Belly to back is reversed into a Walls attempt but the shoulder gives out and he can’t do it.

Regal locks on the Regal Stretch and Jericho is reeling. There’s the rope though with a lunge. That’s not quite the STF as it’s more of a half nelson instead of a crossface. More chops by Jericho and he rams Regal into the buckle that was exposed. Bulldog sets up the Lionsault and it’s over very abruptly. I think they ended it early as Ross sounded surprised that it ended there.
Rating: B. Not long enough to be great, but there’s no dead spots and both guys beat on each other really well. Solid opener between two guys that know what they’re doing out there. It always helps when you can tell these guys know what they’re doing and want to be out there. Good stuff and a very good opener.

Shane arrives late, complete with a WCW license plate. Surely a collector’s item.

APA and Jackie are in the back but they can’t find Tazz. Bradshaw doesn’t like that, and he says a great promo: “You don’t understand. It’s Wrestlemania! Heart are going to be broke. Legends are going to be made. Egos are going to be shattered and people are going to be kicked. We’ve got a match, LET’S GO!” Dang indeed.

APA/Tazz vs. Right To Censor

It’s my Lee special here. Very simple backstory here: RTC hates the APA because they smoke and drink. Tazz is just kind of there for the ride. I think RTC got on him for being a thug but that was minor. Paul Heyman makes some jokes saying they’re extremists, and when I hate something extreme, you know it’s bad. The one flaw to this show might be the entrance to the ring. Tazz is still walking when APA’s music hits.

Heyman’s jokes about Texas are great as you can tell he doesn’t like the place. If there’s a bad match on the show, this is definitely it. RTC in this case is Val Venis, Godfather and Buchanan. Jackie and Stevie are the backups on the floor. Val and Taz start slug it out on the floor and then in the ring so they start us off I guess.

Jackie DDTs Stevie as this is a big brawl to start. Ok never mind as it’s Buchanan vs. Farrooq to officially get us going here. Buchanan could certainly move for someone his size but he walks into a powerslam by Farrooq. Off to Tazz now as the beating is on. Big boot breaks that up and here comes the RTC. That could be a really bad sitcom.

Val comes in with some knees to Tazz’s ribs. Russian Leg Sweep gets two. Tazz is sent into the ropes and falls into them in something resembling a botch. Goodfather gets an elbow to take him down and a belly to back gets two. The former Ho Train hits but a Vader Bomb misses. Bradshaw comes in and cleans house, barely getting Goodfather over with a backdrop.

Everything breaks down and it’s a double spinebuster for Val, followed by a belly to back off the top rope. The roof looks like a spaceship or something and every time they show it the thing looks awesome. Another not Ho Train misses and the Clotheslin ends Goodfather.

Rating: C-. It wasn’t exactly bad, but it was far from great. They kept this short, which is good because there was really no point to this. Fast paced and the APA beating people up was always fun. If this is the worst match on the show, I can more than live with it as this was perfectly fine but would have been better suited on Raw I think.

In the back, Trish brings in Linda in her wheelchair to meet Stephanie. Might as well give you the story now. Vince had said he wanted a divorce from Linda, who had a nervous breakdown because of it. Vince put her in an asylum or a rest home or something like that while he had an open affair with Trish. This was highlighted by a famous scene where Trish said she’d do anything for him so in the ring he had her strip to her underwear and crawl around, barking like a dog.

Shane reappeared and was furious with his dad for all of this so he challenged him to a street fight. With HHH’s help, Vince beat Shane down. However, the Monday before Mania, it was announced that Vince had (legitimately) bought WCW. However, in kayfabe, he had wanted to sign the contract at Wrestlemania.

Shane took this opportunity to sneak in and buy WCW from Vince, signing the papers that Monday instead of waiting. Shane showed up on the final Nitro to announce it, 6 days before the street fight. This eventually led to Stephanie “buying” ECW and the dreadful Alliance angle that took over the company all Summer. Had it not been for HHH tearing his quad, this angle could have been the biggest of all time. But that’s another story for another time. Anyway, Stephanie treats Trish like crap and she just takes it. There’s a joke there somewhere.

Hardcore Title: Raven vs. Kane vs. Big Show

No real story here other than giving Raven an impossible set of opponents to defend the title against. Paul’s advice to Raven: run a lot. I can’t say I disagree. Heyman says he’s a fearless man which gets a funny response from Ross of “let’s not get carried away here.” Kane and Raven go at it before Show gets here. Raven jumps him with a piece of plastic which gets him nowhere.

Here comes Show who takes his time getting to the ring. Someone in the front row wave a Twinkie and he’ll be here in seconds. With Show on his way, Kane presses Raven onto him over the top. Show catches him and tries the Final Cut (why call it that anyway? I never got that name) but Kane takes Show down with a top rope clothesline to the floor for two.

We’re in the crowd already and that’s the last time we’ll be in the ring all match. Show is in his swimsuit here. The cameraman has to try to follow these guys which doesn’t work at all. Show and Kane hammer on each other as Raven is nowhere to be seen. Ah there he is with a plastic something or other.

Kane grabs Raven and throws him into a wall which has a hole in it now. Show slams Kane onto some pallets that are made of wood and chases Raven down. They go into some caged storage area which Show locks. Kane is like screw that and rips the door off and they keep up the fight. They look like it’s all cleaning supplies or something like that.

Raven tries to choke Kane with a gardening hose and they go out of the cage place. Kane keeps choking with the hose and then picks him up, throwing him by the neck through a glass window of an office kind of place. Show, not to be out done, knocks Kane through the door. Show wants the chokeslam on the floor but Kane fights him off, knocking him through the wall into another room.

Raven stumbles in and tries to get a shot in which gets him nowhere. The champion steals a golf cart but Show jumps on the back. Kane gets one of his own and brings the referee to chase after Raven and Show. He almost runs over Raven’s leg as we hit catering. Raven is thrown into the Snapple and the coffee much to Paul’s dismay.

You can tell they’re getting tired here as we hit the Gorilla Position. They come out to the stage as the giants stalk Raven. Kane goes off on Show but runs into a clothesline to take him down. Show picks up Raven to toss him off the stage but Kane kicks Show off the stage and into part of the set. Kane drops an elbow/leg onto them and pins Show to get the title.

Rating: C+. Not bad but not great. It was meant to be a wild brawl and that’s exactly what it was. We knew Raven would lose, just not who he would lose to. Quite well done and fine for what it was. This was designed to be a fun hardcore match and it worked just fine as that.

Angle is watching a video of him tapping to the Crossface. Edge and Christian come up to talk but Angle doesn’t feel very chatty. He looks for what it means to officially tap out, saying that since it wasn’t a match, he didn’t actually tap. This is intense Kurt and it works really well.

Jimmy Snuka is at WWF New York, a nightclub/restaurant that was WWE themed. That would have been awesome.

There’s an Aussie at the show. Kind of cool actually that someone flew 30 hours from Australia for the show. There’s a REALLY bad edit here as I remember the woman saying WWF at least twice. It’s really badly covered up here. Stupid panda loving hippies.

Rock arrives at the arena, 45 minutes into the show.

European Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Test

Always sad to see the two dead people wrestling on any show. Dang Eddie’s music was sweet. Don’t really think there was much of a story here other than Eddie is your challenger. That belt just looks tiny on Test. Eddie was a guest referee on Raw in a match with X-Pac which I think happened once the match was made. Paul explains that Texas is part of Mexico. I love Heyman at times.

Test gets a gutwrench powerbomb almost immediately so we hit the floor after the two. Saturn is on the floor and in Eddie’s corner. Test dominates with power here but gets caught going up on the inside. Eddie tries a rana and either they botch it or Test didn’t know what was coming as he just stays there. Test gets a shot from the middle rope for two and hammers away even more.

A big boot by the Canadian misses and Test gets all caught up in the ropes. Eddie more or less rolls his eyes as he has to unhook Test who falls to the floor. Eddie hammers on the ankle and we go back into the ring. We kind of hit a lull as there isn’t much going on here. A sleeper by Eddie wastes some time. Test gets a tilt-a-whirl slam to break the momentum and they slug it out some.

Another tilt-a-whirl is spun into a powerbomb by Test for two which looked awesome. Test wants the Full Nelson Slam but Eddie gets a low blow, allowing Saturn to hit the Moss Covered Three Handled Family Credenza (it’s a neckbreaker and yes that’s the real name) for two. Ross shouts about there being a third man in the ring. That’s very true JR. He’s called a referee.

Frog Splash misses and the pumphandle slam only gets two as Saturn distracts. Big boot is loaded up and Saturn interferes again, taking the least convincing big boot ever. Another boot to Eddie gets two as Dean Malenko interferes. Test had to wait to cover Eddie forever because Dean took awhile to get to the ring. Saturn throws in the belt and Eddie pops Test to win the title.
Rating: C-. This is easily the worst match of the show and it’s not completely terrible. Eddie clearly carries it but Test’s power offense was always fun. Not terrible, but for a Mania match, this was pretty bad. Definitely could have been left out and put on Heat instead. Also this probably should have been about two minutes shorter.

Mick Foley, the guest referee for the street fight says that he’s not at all biased towards Vince for beating him up and firing him on national TV. He’s calling a fair match tonight.

And he’s going to do it right here, in Houston, Texas!

Austin is just getting here. Good grief the tardiness! We’re an hour into the show almost and he’s just getting here? Someone fine this guy and give him a stern lecture!

Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit

Ok, here’s your story reenactment. 6 days ago on Raw:

Benoit: I don’t have a match at Mania.

Kurt: Neither do I.

Both: Let’s have a match.

Seriously, that’s it. This was thrown on the card because two top stars had nothing to do at all. Angle runs down the Texas fans for the cowboy hats. Also the flag is missing 49 stars. That’s hilarious. Paul: “This is as excited as a man can get with his clothes on.” Never let it be said he doesn’t say what he was thinking.

Naturally we hit the mat to start as this is about as technical as you can get. The fans applaud the standoff as they probably should. Back to the mat and it’s another standoff. We hear about how great they both are and it’s amazing to me that Angle has only been a pro for a year and a half now. That’s incredible. Angle overpowers Benoit and grabs a suplex kind of move.

Back to the mat again as this is almost all grappling so far. Angle tries for the ankle but it’s back to just laying on Benoit. This is very different but still incredibly interesting as you can see that they both know what they’re doing on a man. Benoit almost gets the Crossface but Angle makes a rope. Another single leg by Angle but Benoit tries the Crossface again, only for Angle to get to the ropes again.

More grappling and again Benoit can’t quite get the hold on before the rope is grabbed. Angle pops him with a right hand and it’s time to fight. Out to the floor and Angle whips Benoit into the steps to really take over. Back in the ring and Angle gets a vertical suplex for two. Make it a pair of both. Benoit fights back with HARD chops but walks into a belly to belly to get a woo out of Angle.

Another belly to belly has Benoit in trouble. We get a Jack Brisco reference which results in another argument from Ross and Heyman. More chops by Benoit and momentum shifts a bit. Snap suplex gets two as Benoit channels his inner Dynamite Kid. Superplex off the top puts Angle down but Benoit can’t cover. Blast it stop with the delayed covers!!! It gets two as you would expect.

Time for the Rolling Germans as Angle is in trouble again. Angle reverses into the ankle lock attempt but Benoit counters into an ankle lock of his own. Crossface attempt number four but Angle has a hand between the grip and the face, allowing him to get a rollup to escape. Angle grabs a Crossface of his own which might look more painful than Benoit’s.

Down goes the referee (of course) and Benoit gets the Crossface. Angle taps (of course again) but there’s no referee. Benoit (of course) lets go of the hold instead of waiting on the referee and Angle gets the Angle Slam for two (wow these guys are predictable). Moonsault misses (that might have hit 5 times ever. I’ll stop with the parentheses now) but the headbutt gets two. Benoit tries a suplex but Angle gets a low blow and cradles Benoit with tights to end this out of nowhere.
Rating: B+. The finish kills this for me. These two are two of the best workers of all time and we need a pull of the tights for a pin? That doesn’t fly with me. However, the other stuff they did is absolutely great. If you can believe this, this isn’t even close to their best match ever. For that, check Royal Rumble 2003. That match is a candidate for greatest match of all time. I’ve been watching these two for years and I’ve yet to see a bad match from them.

Kamala is in William Regal’s office. Hilarity ensues. Heyman shakes his head like he’s waking up from a nightmare.

We see a video of a Wrestlemania pep rally in Fort Hood, Texas. This was really cool I thought. A bunch of wrestlers, mainly some divas, Angle and Taker visited the soldiers. Factor in that 9/11 was about 5 months away so soldiers at home were still the biggest thing I suppose. The commander got a nice WWF recliner and the wrestlers got plaques. Lita doesn’t seem thrilled about being there. Angle like it but would rather have a medal.

Angle is upset about something, saying he deserves the title. Benoit attacks and locks on the crossface and Angle taps again.

We see the recap of Chyna vs. Ivory. The idea here was that Chyna had a bad neck, allegedly caused by Ivory. Ivory, as a member of RTC, wasn’t happy with Chyna being in Playboy. Now this is the time where I’ll embarrass myself. At the time, Ivory was kind of like the evil feminist. To steal the term from JR, imagine Lillith from Cheers or Frasier as a wrestler.

Women’s Title: Chyna vs. Ivory

The only good thing here is Chyna more or less in a purple bikini. She launches a bunch of pyro with this big gun she carried with her at this time. What do you expect here? This might last three minutes as Chyna annihilates Ivory. Ivory gets in a few shots and that’s about all. It ends with a press slam and Chyna officially murders the division to get the title. It took that mistress from Canada and the redhead to save it.

Rating: N/A. Not a match, but a squash. The problem here was that Chyna was a former IC Champion and had some great matches with men, including clean pins over guys like Jericho. Why should we believe that anyone else had a chance against her? Simply put, we didn’t. There was one good thing though. At this time, Chyna wanted money the likes of which Taker and HHH were getting.

Vince is a bit loony some times, but even he knew that was never going to happen. Chyna was gone within three months and the real women’s wrestlers were able to revive the division, including one of the best rivalries I’ve ever seen in Trish vs. Lita. This was a total slap in the face of the Women’s Division though.

In the back, Vince tells Michael Cole that he’ll get something shocking tonight.

I already recapped this feud above so read about it there.

Vince McMahon vs. Shane McMahon

Naturally this is a street fight. Can someone explain why Shane, the face, is the one owning the invaders but Vince, the guy that represents the home grown talent is the heel? No one else could either so finally in June they made the change to fix this and we got the Alliance. We see some WCW people in a box in the rafters. Some faces I can identify: Stacy Keibler, Shawn Stasiak, Bobby Eaton, Chavo Guerrero and that’s it. Seriously? That’s the best you’ve got? And people have the nerve to ask why this bombed.

Vince and Shane have the same music which is kind of odd. Foley is the referee. Stephanie is with Vince and there’s no sign of Trish or Linda. Vince pummels Shane to start us off and Shane is in trouble. Shane fires back with basic strikes until Stephanie comes in to distract him. He hammers on Vince with a sign of some kind and adds a clothesline to keep Vince down. Some kendo stick shots have Vince in big trouble.
After some punches, Shane smashes him in the head with a monitor in an absolutely sick shot and lays him on the… wait for it. Wait for it. It’s coming. HE LAYS HIM ON THE SPANISH ANNOUNCE TABLE!!! WOW! What a cool idea! Who would have ever thought of putting someone on there? Also, who makes those tables? They’re making a fortune which is impressive because they apparently make REALLY bad tables.

Shane goes to the top and launches a picture perfect elbow drop onto Vince but Stephanie pulls him out of the way as Shane “crashed, and he for sure, BURNED!” according to your favorite Oklahoman. At this point, Trish brings out Linda in the wheelchair. The cleavage on Trish is mind blowing here, especially compared to Stephanie who hasn’t had her plastic surgery done yet. It’s kind of odd looking actually.

Anyway, Trish starts helping Stephanie up but turns face by slapping the tar out of Vince. We get a cat fight and Foley pulls them apart before Stephanie slaps him. Trish chases her down the aisle and in the worst acting job of all time, she “falls” running down the aisle and Trish nearly catches her. Back at ringside, Vince nails Foley with a chair as Foley tries to protect Linda from Vince.

Vince puts Linda in the ring. He throws Shane and four garbage cans into the ring. Linda stands up and the crowd pops. Vince turns to see her and spreads his legs open to set up Linda kicking him low. Foley beats the tar out of Vince to allow Shane the chance to set up a Coast to Coast in an amazing athletic move to get the pin, as apparently he, Trish, Foley and Linda worked together to screw Vince over. They walk to the back as Vince’s, uh I mean Shane’s, or is it Vince’s, no wait it’s Shane’s I think, music plays. Get your own bad rap music already Shane!

Rating: B. This was a messy brawl, but given who it was and the ending, it was fun. Vince and Shane aren’t wrestlers, but they can put on a passable fight. That dropkick from Shane is always cool and this was its debut. To have all of these angles come together in one match is really quite impressive.

We see the Hardys at Access talking about how they’re going to put their bodies on the line to win the tag titles. Truer words have never been spoken.

We cut to HHH getting ready for no apparent reason before cutting to Taker for no apparent reason. Dang that X7 baseball jersey was sweet. Always wanted one of those.

Tag Titles: Edge/Christian vs. Hardy Boys vs. Dudley Boys

This is yet another match with no story but it never needed one. These three teams all wanted to be the champions and this match was fairly obvious. The Dudleys come in as champions here. All four faces jump the Canadians to get us going here. The Dudleys hit a flapjack to Christian as the beating is on. The Hardys take down the Dudleys for awhile until Edge and Christian bring in a ladder.

Edge grabs a chair and he and Christian stand on Matt’s balls in the corner. A double drop toehold by the Canadians puts Jeff into the chair. Edge tries to get the belts but Jeff makes the save. The Hardys get a double baseball slide into a ladder into the Dudleys on the floor. Using a pair of ladders, Matt drops a leg and Jeff drops a splash on Christian at the same time. Nice move.

There goes Matt’s shirt and there go the girls. What’s Up to Edge And now it’s table time. Edge is laid out on one so Bubba picks up Jeff and powerbombs him right through Edge and in turn the table. On the floor now and the Dudleys stack up two tables on top of two more tables for the big spot later in the match. Paul talks about Big Daddy Dudley’s construction company in Dudleyville. Oh dear.

More ladders are brought in and in a spot that still makes me and the crowd breathe in, Bubba takes a ladder and just bashes Matt in the head with it. That has to hurt something fierce. All six guys go up at once and all six guys come crashing down almost at once with some hitting ropes, some hitting mat and some hitting ropes. Christian goes flying to the floor which looks AWESOME from the above the ring camera.

He sets up a table on the floor as Edge tries to go up. Spike Dudley who was injured by Edge and Christian’s friend Rhyno, comes out and takes down Edge and hits a Dudley Dog to Christian through the table. Jeff goes up but it’s Rhyno out now for the save. Gee I wonder who will come out to help out the Hardys. Rhyno destroys everyone and here’s Lita.

She stops Edge from going up but gets caught in a gorilla press by Rhyno. Spike saves her and it’s a Litarana for Rhyno. Spike hits Rhyno with a chair and he falls into a ladder, sending Edge down. Dudleyville (Doomsday) Device to Rhyno and he’s finally down. Lita takes her top off (looking incredibly good in a black bra) but walks into a 3D. Chair shots by the Canadians take out the Dudleys and Edge wants the big ladder.

Jeff gets the large ladder though and hits a Swanton onto Rhyno and Spike who are both on tables. Spike takes the whole thing and Rhyno’s table doesn’t even break. That was ALL Spike. The big ladder is in the ring now and set up in the middle of the ring. Christian and D-Von go up but Matt moves the ladder under them (with a shout of HERE WE GO first) and they’re stuck hanging there.

After both fall, Jeff walks across the top of the three other ladders (kind of as the third one falls) to get to the titles. The big ladder is in the corner and Jeff goes up a regular one. The ladder is moved by Bubba and since Jeff’s feet were on it, Jeff goes swinging in the opposite direction, right into a spear by Edge from the super ladder, which is not only Edge’s Wrestlemania moment, but the moment that made him a star.

Back after about 5 replays with Bubba and Matt going up the big ladder. Rhyno shoves the ladder over and they go crashing through the four tables that were set up at ringside earlier. D-Von and Christian go up but Rhyno gets beneath Christian and climbs up with Christian on his shoulders, giving him the needed assist to win the titles again. Incredible match all around to say the least.
Rating: A+. These guys nearly killed each other. You can see that it’s miles better than last year because they knew what they were doing to a greater extent. That spear from Edge more or less ended Christian’s usefulness in the WWF as Edge began to get the singles push from here on out.

Either way, this match is great as it’s a total spot fest but it is still better than all of the MITB matches that would follow in its footsteps. If you’re bored here, go get a blood injection. The crowd ate this up and it just clicks all around as they somehow top the other matches they had which are also greats.

JR looks at the carnage and says it looks like a tornado went through a mobile home park. There are wrestling rings and ladders at a destroyed mobile home park?

Video on Axxess, which looks AWESOME. Various wrestlers say this is awesome, and they’re right. You can call matches, get autographs and see all kinds of exhibits. I’d love to go to something like this to say the lease.
There’s a record crowd for the Astrodome of 67,925. That’s very impressive.

Gimmick Battle Royal

Luke, Butch, Duke Droese, Iron Sheik, Goon, Doink the Clown, Kamala, Kimchee, Repo Man, Jim Cornette, Nikolai Volkoff, Michael Hayes, One Man Gang, Gobbledy Gooker, Tugboat, Hillbilly Jim, Brother Love, Sgt. Slaughter

To any other old school freak like me, welcome to nostalgia heaven. We have 18 men in this and it’s nothing but the most off the wall gimmicks that the company could think of. Given some of the stuff WWF had done up to that point, this could be mind blowing. As an added bonus, Gene freaking Okerlund and BOBBY HEENAN do the commentary.

Oh my goodness, we have found the greatest Wrestlemania match of all time. During the entrances Bobby calls Gene Tony in a funny bit. Butch licks Mean Gene just like he did to me at a house show. The pop for Jim is ridiculous. You need to look all of these people up if nothing else to learn what bad gimmicks are all about.

The introductions took 5 minutes and the match lasts three minutes. The commentators mention that they’ve never seen a battle royal that ends so fast. Doink getting eliminated brings forth the loudest booing all night which doesn’t surprise me at all. The fans are totally into this which makes me smile.

Sheik wins if you’re interested. After that Slaughter comes back in and beats him up. Sheik won this because he wasn’t able to be thrown over the top rope due to age. Nothing in the match means anything which is why I’m not even going to list it off. Slaughter puts him in the Cobra Clutch post match because he’s an AMERICAN.

Rating: N/A as it’s not a serious match but I don’t ever remember having more fun with a single match. Even at 13 I knew this was cool and it still is to this day. The fans being 100% into it makes me very happy as it’s obvious they still like these guys. While a lot of matches like these bomb badly, the battle royal was a great idea as it kept things quick. Excellent match and all kinds of fun.

Now it’s time to get to the real meat of the show. Somehow, everything we’ve seen so far has been appetizer. That is unbelievable considering what we’ve seen so far. Seriously, TLC, Benoit/Angle or the street fight could be the second big match on any other card, but that’s not what we get as the second big match. We get this.

We recap HHH vs. The Undertaker. HHH beats Austin twice in a row and says there’s no one left for him to beat. We hear a gong, and I lost it. This was amazing and I knew it would be a classic. Taker gets in HHH’s face and says that HHH has never beaten him, but if HHH tries, Taker will make him famous. Over the next 5 weeks, we got the great build up.

HHH destroyed one of Taker’s bikes, had Taker sent to jail, etc. Taker gets ahold of HHH one night, so Stephanie issues a restraining order on Taker. However, there isn’t one against Kane. Kane chases Stephanie, allowing Taker to beat up HHH. Kane holds her over his head and threatens to throw her down from a balcony, unless Regal makes the one on one match at Mania. Taker obviously gets his wish, and here we are.

Undertaker vs. HHH

Back then, HHH was a bigger star than he is now. He beat Austin, the king of the world, twice in one night the previous month. Taker was about 8 months into his biker gimmick and was a step behind what he used to be at though. However, this was his hometown and it’s Wrestlemania, although this is before the Streak became important.

Motorhead plays HHH to the ring and it is freaking awesome. They play the verse and chorus all the way through before we cut to a long shot of the arena and we see Triple H, Start Game flash on the screen, then a small object appears beneath it. Cut to a shot of HHH and then back to the arena. My goodness these stadiums are awesome. The live band is always cool as they play him through the long walk down the aisle.

HHH does a double water spit so you know this is an important show. The song ends and HHH paces back and forth. We hear gong strikes, and the lights go out. DEAD MAN WALKING. Instead of walking down the huge ramp, Taker drives his bike down instead in another famous shot. The cool thing here is it’s long enough that he can crank it up and gets the bike flying down the aisle. Taker jumps in the ring, rips the shirt off and we’re on.

Just as Taker is about to start the fight, JR mentions that he is 8-0, undefeated at Wrestlemania. Ladies and Gentlemen, the streak is born. That’s the first time that it’s mentioned on WWF television to my knowledge, but certainly the first time at Wrestlemania. The fight starts on the floor with Taker hammering away. Guess what Taker knocks HHH through. Go on, I want you to guess. It rhymes with French announce table. You guessed it. Twice in one night has to be a record.

They slug it out in the ring and the knee to the face gets HHH nowhere. BIG back drop puts HHH down. Powerslam gets two and a big clothesline takes down HHH. Old School is countered. Not sure how HHH knew it was coming. Might be that Taker shouted out OLD SCHOOL right before he went for it. Just a hunch mind you. The Game hammers away on Taker including a trio of elbows. That and a neckbreaker gets three straight two counts.

HHH goes after the ref and gets shoved back which gets a huge pop. My goodness this crowd is white hot. Six minutes in and HHH gets the sledgehammer. Referee takes it from him so HHH tries a Pedigree which is blocked into a catapult and the referee goes down. Chokeslam gets two because the referee was slow thanks to him getting bumped.

Taker, being the ticked off man that he is, beats the referee up because of this. The throw that Taker sends HHH to the floor with is either great selling or a real throw. We go into the crowd and actually wind up at the production tower which has been seen maybe twice in company history. This is what the cameras sit on in the arena and where the sound is adjusted etc. Quite simply if they screw up here, the PPV goes off the air.

HHH now has a problem. He’s trying to run from Taker, but the only way to run is to keep climbing the tower. HHH finds a chair up there though and lands about 10 sick chair shots to Taker. They’re in a tiny place so Taker is laid out and HHH just hits him wherever he can with the chair. Great visual on that. Taker gets up and catches HHH after the Game poses. The flashbulbs are going so crazy it’s hard to see them for a little bit.

He then chokeslams him off the tower. Now think about why this is cool. No one has ever seen them fight here before so it’s unknown. There’s no referee as Taker beat him up. Most importantly, we don’t see HHH land. What did he land on? That’s what makes this cool: the total mystery of it. Sadly, we see he landed on a big pad, but it still must have knocked him out a bit. If not, the elbow Taker drops on him does. What’s a good American to do now? He beats up the EMTs of course.

They fight back to the ring and the referee is still down. What the heck? He got kicked and elbowed, not shot in the forehead. Taker gets the hammer and a low blow to make him drop it a few seconds later. Heyman talking about how dangerous weapons are is either a rib by him or the best unintentional comedy I’ve heard in a long time. HHH gets a tombstone countered because he’s not the Undertaker, and Taker breaks out the Tombstone for maybe the first or second time in a year plus.

The crowd loves it, but still there’s no referee. In a sweet finish, Taker goes for the Last Ride but HHH picks up the hammer and nails him in the head with it. That somehow only gets two. Taker is bleeding and HHH sends him to the corner to rain down right hands. He pauses for a split second to yell at the crowd, and Taker reaches up and grabs him before stepping forward, lifting him into the air and drilling him with the Last Ride! He gets the pin as the crowd explodes.

Rating: A+. This is an outstanding match and would have main evented any other show of the year. The story was great, the fighting was off the charts, and you never knew who was going to win until the very end. Excellent job from both guys involved and probably the true forgotten classic in Wrestlemania history.

Rock has a song coming out called Pie. The CD has Rock’s custom internet browser.

A kid that talks way too fast made some poster or visual thing and won a contest. Ok then.
Good grief what in the world could follow that? Somehow, that’s nowhere near the main event, as no one came to see anything but the real main event: the two biggest stars on the freaking planet, one on one for the WWF World Heavyweight Championship.

I can’t say anything that’s going to build this match up better than the actual video, so here it is.

[youtube]DxttU7_2-WA[/youtube]

If that doesn’t embed for you, go Youtube it. It’s incredible.

I’m not a big fan of Limp Biskit, but that was awesome. By far the best recap video I’ve ever seen and one of the only times the theme song could not have been any better for an event. Great job.

WWF World Heavyweight Title: Steve Austin vs. The Rock

This is made No DQ just before the match starts which is a surprise to everyone and it comes back to play a factor later. JR’s saying WHAT as soon as that’s announced made me laugh quite loudly. The glass shatters and the ovation is deafening. Austin is so over it’s amazing. He hits the first corner and the pop grows somehow. He turns around to cross the ring and it’s as if everything goes into slow motion. Austin climbs to the middle rope, throws two fingers into the air, and the flashbulbs go insane. It’s that moment that defines this whole show I think.

All of the other great matches all night long, from the wrestling classic to the ladders to the war we just saw, none of that means a thing anymore and every single eye in the building is on this man right here. It’s the peak of Steve Austin’s popularity and it’s amazing to say the very least. JR’s commentary is absolutely perfect here. It’s that perfect voice that we all know, but the words simply couldn’t be better. He builds this match up to be as epic as it should be. The music ends, and we hear the sound of his opponent.

Rock comes out to an INCREDIBLY mixed reaction. He’s either being cheered all the way to heaven or being booed out of the building. Not sure which. He hits the corner, throws the belt over his shoulder with his arm raised in the air, and we get the staredown from one side of the ring to the other. The feeling is all there too. You can tell what you’re watching is absolutely epic and it feel just right.

The fight starts almost immediately with Austin jumping Rock as he gets off the ropes. Thesz Press takes down Rock seconds into it but Rock fights back with a swinging neckbreaker. Rock Bottom and Stunner both don’t connect and we hit the floor. Out into the crowd they go with neither guy keeping an advantage at all. Back to the ring now with Austin having a brief advantage.

Superplex gets two and Austin takes the turnbuckle pad off. Rock fights back to massive booing and a clothesline for two. Back out to the floor again and Austin gets a shot with the bell to take Rock down. Rock is sent onto the table which breaks on a delay so the camera misses it. This is so epic. These two are the biggest stars in the world and this is the biggest match of the year. What more can you ask for?

Austin hits a neckbreaker for two. Mudhole stomping commences but Rock comes flying out with a clothesline to huge boos. More slugging it out with Rock in control now. Rock grabs the bell and gets a shot to the head with it for two. Austin is busted open and Rock hammers away. Oh man he’s bleeding BAD. Back to the floor again and they fight it out even more.

Another important thing to note is Ross. Ross has been mostly reserved all night but now he’s pouring it on. This makes this look FAR more interesting and intense while at the same time not diminishing the other stuff. Austin gets a slingshot to send Rock into the post. Monitor to the head and Rock is down on the floor. THAT gets two.

Austin flips Rock off and gets caught in the Sharpshooter for his efforts. Rock is busted now too. Great throwback here to Mania 13 as Austin screams in the hold. Rock pulls him back to the middle and Austin is in big trouble. Finally there’s the rope. Now Austin throws it on Rock and the people are loving it. After it gets broken it goes on again and this time it’s a rope used to escape. HUGE booing when he gets there too.

The Million Freaking Dollar Dream goes on and the bloody Rock is in trouble. Rock pushes off the corner ala Bret vs. Austin at Survivor Series 96 but this time Austin kicks out. Little things like those make matches AWESOME. Rock gets a Stunner out of nowhere for two.

And now we set up the ending as Vince McMahon is here. Both guys get spinebusters but Rock’s sets up the People’s Elbow. Vince slides in and breaks that up though, shocking everyone. Rock chases Vince but runs into a Rock Bottom from Austin for two. Crowd is losing it on these kickouts. Stunner is blocked and there goes the referee again.

A low blow puts Rock down and Austin asks Vince for a chair. Vince cracks Rock with it as the crowd isn’t sure what to do. Vince puts the referee back in but THAT gets two. A Rock Bottom out of nowhere but Vince has the referee. Rock pulls Vince in but walks into another Stunner for ANOTHER two. Austin is all ticked off now and Vince hands him a chair, drilling Rock with it for two. Austin absolutely explodes, drilling Rock with the chair an insane 19 times and getting the academic pin for the title. Rock is DEAD.

Rating: A+. The repeated finishers and chair shots hurt this quite a bit, but the crowd, the commentary and the overall feeling push this to the sky easily. Epic feeling the whole match and the crowd was in the palm of their hands. Not great wrestling, but the crowd carries this to greatness.

Austin and Vince shake hands, ending the Attitude Era and also ending the superpower that WWE was and marking the beginning of the decline of the company. They share a beer and another Stunner to Rock ends this very long but incredible show.

Overall Rating: A+. This is the greatest PPV of all time, bar none. The worst match is passable at worst. The crowd never once dies, even popping a bit in the European Title match. Looking back, you have the following matches that would either steal the show or main event any other show: Angle/Benoit, TLC 2, Street Fight, HHH/Taker.

Those are all top shelf matches anywhere you look at them, and then with the crowd as hot as they were for the main event and how it’s solid in its own right, this show is amazing all around. All night long the stuff was fast paced, everyone was having fun, and the matches are all intriguing. Can’t recommend this one enough.

 

 

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