Slammiversary 2011
Date: June 12, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

It’s anniversary day for TNA again as this time they’re turning nine.  The main event is Sting vs. Anderson in what I’m sure will live up to all of the hype.  Given the matches and such they’ve had so far for this setup, that shouldn’t take much.  Other than that we’ve got Angle vs. Jarrett in another final match, this time with the medals and the title shot next month on the line.  Other than that, standard TNA fair.  Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Sting vs. Anderson to no surprise.  Now let’s talk about the Knockouts and Angle/Jarrett.  Jarrett vs. Angle is the main topic.  Nothing about the whole anniversary aspect yet.  Sting vs. Anderson is the last part of it.  Nothing special at all here.

Tag Titles: British Invasion vs. James Storm/Alex Shelley

Shelley is subbing for the injured Robert Roode here.  The Brits are Magnus and Williams who now have matching jackets.  Roode sits in on commentary.  Williams is in trunks now which is going to take some getting used to.  Storm vs. Williams to start us off but it’s off to Shelley quickly.  Shelley of course speeds things way up but a blind tag brings in Storm to face Magnus.  Very fast paced stuff so far.

Double dropkick takes Magnus down so it’s off to Williams.  They do one of the Guns’ moves with the bridging neck hold but Storm adds in a pair of fingers to the eyes instead of a dropkick.  Shelley gets pulled to the floor and the tide turns a bit.  Williams chokes away a bit and drops a knee for two.  The Brits get an overly elaborate double neckbreaker as Shelley plays face in peril for awhile.

Magnus hits a suplex and Shelley wants a tag.  Nice double team moves sets up a middle rope elbow for Williams.  Exploder suplex by Williams looks to set up Rolling Chaos Theory but Shelly counters into a Downward Spiral into the middle buckle.  Hot tag to Storm who sends Williams to the floor.  Williams is sent to the floor again, this time on top of Magnus.  Suicide dive by Shelley takes Williams down again.  That’s not a good few seconds for him at all.

They even stop to do the BEER MONEY thing.  Shelley stuns Magnus on the top rope and Storm sets for the Eye of the Storm but Williams reverses.  Superkick is blocked as is the Rolling Chaos.  Superkicks all around and a Codebreaker sets up a top rope double stomp for a close two on Williams.

Top rope kick puts Magnus down and Storm loads up the beer, which of course goes into Shelley’s eyes.  Shelley drills Storm and a top rope variation of the Hart Attack (European Uppercut instead of a clothesline) gets a very close two on Storm.  Shelley pops in again and it’s a superkick to Magnus to set up the Sliced Bread to end this.  Solid opener.

Rating: B. Good stuff to start us off here and that’s exactly what it was supposed to be.  Tags are more or less the perfect opener to shows, especially when they’re fast paced like this one was.  They worked hard out there and we have a solid pace set for the show, which is what the opener is for.  I’m very pleased here.

Jarrett and Angle got here earlier today.

Steiner says his arms are bigger than Morgan’s so he’ll beat him down tonight.  Oh and he’ll take Morgan’s girlfriend.

Matt Morgan vs. Scott Steiner

Let the war of alliteration begin!  Steiner is billed from the Detroit University of Michigan.  The university is in Ann Arbor but who cares I guess.  Morgan dominates to start and takes Steiner to the floor rather quickly.  Back in Steiner hits a low blow and takes over.  I can’t imagine this is going to go long.  Belly to belly gets two.  There’s the clothesline/elbow/pushups.  Steiner’s offense is rather slow so let’s talk about the Impact Wrestling fantasy game.

Steiner yells at the fans a lot and continues his very slow style.  Tazz calls it veteran pacing.  I call it he’s old and slow.  Morgan wakes up a bit and hammers away to start his comeback.  Steiner goes into the buckle and it’s a splash to set up a side slam for no cover.  Michinoku Driver gets two.  Steiner gets a suplex (I’m shocked too) to break the momentum and two at the same time.  Isn’t he efficient?

Downward Spiral by Steiner for two.  Steiner Recliner goes on and there’s zero torque on it at all.  Morgan gets underneath him and lifts him up but Steiner USES A VICTORY ROLL for two.  WOW.  Chokeslam and belly to belly are blocked and the Carbon Footprint ends this.  Well at least the right guy won there.

Rating: C-. Not a horrible battle of the big men here and I’m still recovering from that victory roll.  It was a pretty good one on top of that.  Now for the love of all things good and holy, get Morgan something else to do that isn’t a random power vs. power feud.  He’s been doing those forever now and they’re old.

Jarrett says he’s already taken Kurt’s greatest accomplishment and she’s sitting in Sleeping Giant.  Oh wait that’s just Morgan’s music still playing.  Karen is the greatest accomplishment apparently.  On Thursday Jeff is going to be awarded the gold medal apparently.  This victory is going to be dedicated to Karen.

Recap of the X-Division triple threat.  Abyss got the title from Kaz and quoted Art of War a lot.  Kaz and Kendrick are trying to get the title off of him to save the X-Division.  Oh and Abyss calls it the Xtreme Title.

X-Division Title: Brian Kendrick vs. Abyss vs. Kazarian

Kendrick is all serious here.  You would think this would be a handicap match for the most part.  Kendrick is down within seconds so Kaz tries to hammer away to no real result.  Dropkick works a bit but Kaz is knocked to the floor a second later.  Abyss is like screw these tiny men and throws Kendrick to the floor on top of Kaz.  They finally wake up and double team him which puts him down in the corner.

Out to the floor and more double teaming takes Abyss down.  Back in the ring and Kaz tries to send Kendrick into Abyss but thankfully Abyss remembers that his finisher is a spinning slam so it’s a Black Hole Slam for Kendrick.  Big boot takes Kaz down and the monster stands tall.  Abyss beats on Kaz and knocks Kendrick back to the floor before he can do anything.

Big lumbering clothesline in the corner puts Kaz down as we’ve slowed this way down.  Kaz tries to bite Abyss and that fails as well.  Off to a neck crank as Kendrick comes back in again.  And scratch that as he falls down again.  Kaz tries a comeback but gets caught in Shock Treatment.  Vader Bomb misses as the previously assumed dead Kendrick is back in.  Some dropkicks put Abyss down for two.  More kicks set up a decent tornado DDT for two.  Abyss gets all ticked off and chokeslams Kendrick.  Pretty bad rana takes Abyss down as does a double dropkick.

Slingshot legdrop by Kaz sets up a frog splash by Kendrick for a double stacked two.  Chokeslam to Kaz is countered into a rollup for two.  Kaz is thrown into Kendrick and Abyss falls to the floor.  Kendrick and Kaz fire off some rights to each other and some F Bombs.  Well this had to happen eventually.  Kaz puts him on the top and Abyss is still down.  Kaz tries a top rope C4 to Kendrick but settles for the Fade To Black.  That doesn’t work either as Kendrick reverses and nails Kaz with a leg lariat.  And here’s Abyss to steal the pin to retain.

Rating: C. The selling was kind of overkill here but at the same time they had the story down pretty well.  It entered into the triple threat formula at the end but at the same time they kind of had to do that to make the match work.  Not a horrible match or anything but just about what was expected.  Abyss will likely lose next month.

Crimson vs. Joe is recapped.  It’s a battle of the undefeated streaks so look for Crimson to win here, which would be his biggest win.  Oh and we get a clip of the “viral” video of the bar fight.

Samoa Joe vs. Crimson

Crimson hits the ring and they slug it out immediately.  The fans think Joe’s Gonna Kill Crimson.  Suicide dive is blocked by a forearm from the floor and there’s a big boot back in the ring by Crimson.  Neckbreaker gets two.  Cravate goes on so Joe gets a bad dragon screw leg whip to take the red dude down.  Crimson hammers away on Joe but walks into a kind of atomic drop sort of a move to the knee.  That was different.

He takes Crimson down with relative ease and there’s a leg bar for a few seconds.  Spinning toe hold by Joe as we go back to the mid 1870s.  Crimson counters into a triangle choke and then an arm bar which gets him nowhere.  T-Bone suplex by Crimson takes Joe down as the fans are trying to get into this.  Double arm DDT gets two.  The fans chant Mercer, which is Crimson’s real name I believe.

Suplex and a clothesline by Joe get two.  Joe goes up to the middle rope for a Rough Ryder for two.  Joe is all frustrated.  “Dang man end this match already before the buffet is empty.”  Powerbomb gets two and it’s off to a half crab.  We get a Gumby reference of all things as the hold stays on.  They slap it out and Crimson gets a spear to take Joe down.  They slug it out again with Crimson knocking him back into the corner.  Now Joe knocks him back into the corner but can’t get the Musclebuster.  Clutch can’t go on either so there’s the Red Sky to end this.

Rating: C+. Pretty good big slugout here and it’s good to see Crimson actually face big time competition for a change.  Pretty good match here with the ending being pretty clear, but a nice test for Crimson nonetheless.  I don’t think Crimson is as great as he’s made out to be, but this worked pretty well for what it was.

They shake hands post match and Joe pulls Crimson in close to say we’ll do this again.

Winter and Angelina do their usual thing.  Winning the title is a step closer to the final destiny apparently.  Angelina turns down the pill this time and says it’s not necessary anymore because they’re on the same page.

Knockout Title: Angelina Love vs. Mickie James

Fans are totally behind Mickie here.  There’s a fat guest timekeeper that Taz makes jokes about.  Angelina does her zombie thing and it turns into kind of a catfight.  Love works on the arm so Mickie gets a rana out of the corner, only to walk into a snap suplex for two.  Mickie blows a kiss at Winter so Winter takes her down.  Not into swinging I guess.  Mickie gets a clothesline to take both girls down.

And there she goes right back to the floor.  Angelina is sent into the steps which gets about a seven on the floor.  Back in and Mickie takes over one more time with a bunch of clotheslines.  Thesz Press off the top gets no cover.  Winter grabs Mickie’s foot again which gets her nowhere at all.

Botox Injection (name totally doesn’t fit anymore) gets two so Angelina goes all psycho on Mickie again.  She tries that backbreaker thing she’s been doing which is countered into the DDT attempt.  Northern lights suplex gets two.  Winter cheating on a rollup gets two.  They botch the jumping DDT like never before but it gets the pin anyway.  Horrible looking ending and considering Mickie was involved in it, that says a lot.

Rating: D+. The botches were flowing harder than a sorority’s menstrual cycle here and it really hurt the match.  They need to get somewhere already with this story because they’re moving like molasses with it.  Just get to the lesbian stuff or have Angelina wake up already.  Mickie keeping the title here is probably only temporary but whatever.

Mickie gets choked out after the match.

Ray says he’s a man unlike AJ and that he’ll destroy AJ.

We recap AJ Styles vs. Bully Ray.  Ray is being a bully (shocking) and doesn’t like how AJ acts as a wrestler, saying he’s a boy.

Bully Ray vs. AJ Styles

Last man standing here.  AJ is listed as being from Gainesville, Florida instead of Georgia.  Christy looks good, but dude, go wear low cut shirts and that’s about it.  Staredown to start and then AJ hammers away.  Ray runs him over so that gets us nowhere.  This is going to take awhile to get anywhere, much like any last man standing match.  Ray pounds away and we go to the floor for awhile.

Bully sets up the steps but chops away instead.  He drops AJ onto the steps but pulls him up at about 4.  Ray puts the steps on AJ and then stands on him, which should get a ten.  Naturally Ray lets him up because he’s not that intelligent at times.  That and a few more shots get a four.  Back into the ring for some more hard chops as this has almost been all Ray.

AJ says bring it and holds his chest out.  More chopping follows and Styles says keep em coming.  Ray of course stands around and lets AJ get up because again, he’s not that smart.  Instead he punches him in the jaw this time which works a bit better.  AJ gets back up and his chest is all kinds of messed up.  Styles hammers away and gets Ray down with the Pele.  Springboard forearm gets six.

Ray goes up so AJ hits a Pele up there.  AJ goes up there for a rana but gets caught in a sitout powerbomb.  That looks awesome coming off the top and it gets like five here.  They both stumble to the floor and Ray has a chain.  That hits post though and Ray’s hand is hurt.  AJ gets the chain and a jumping punch with it sends Ray under the ring to blade.  Ooo and it’s a good one too.

Back in the ring and AJ gets his springboard 450 for a count of about 8.  AJ picks Ray up and throws him to the floor and down goes a cameraman.  Pescado puts Ray down again and it’s Styles Clash time.  That of course doesn’t work so we go back up the ramp.  Ray wants the powerbomb again but AJ hits a pair of Peles and a punt to send Ray to the floor.

AJ is like screw it and dives off the stage to Ray and it looks like his head slammed into Ray’s shoulder.  That only gets 9.  Styles loads up a table and puts it in front of the stage.  Chair to the back puts Ray on it and it’s huge spot time.  He sets for a running dive but realizes it’s too far.  Instead he climbs up the truss and hits one of the biggest dives you’ll EVER see to kill Ray.  I was legit scared there.  And then Ray kicks him through the stage wall and wins the freaking thing.  HORRIBLE ending as AJ was built up perfectly and then oh wait let’s make sure Ray wins because AJ freaking Styles isn’t a big enough star right?

Rating: B. Great match and the ending ruined it.  AJ hits one of the biggest spots in company history and then BULLY FREAKING RAY beats him with a kick to the back?  Are you freaking kidding me?  Zero reason at all for Ray to win this and the shot he wins it with was freaking weak.  AJ’s dive is worth seeing and is up there with the Swanton Jeff Hardy did to Orton on Raw like three years ago for scary dives.  Hate the ending though.  Absolutely hate it.

Anderson says it’s serious time tonight.

We recap the world title match which is Anderson trying to get under Sting’s skin, which never really made a lot of sense but whatever.

TNA World Title: Sting vs. Mr. Anderson

Sting comes in and jumps Anderson during the entrance.  He’s in all red here and has that paint on his face making him look like the Joker.  All Sting so far as Anderson can’t even get his shirt off.  Into the crowd they go and Anderson goes into a wall.  There’s black/gray around Sting’s mouth for some reason.  Anderson gets a quick reversal and that gets him nowhere at all as Sting pounds on him even more.

Up the steps they go even further and this is wasting a ton of time.  To the ring finally and Sting is sent into the post.  Anderson sends Sting’s hand into the steps and then pulls the arm around the post for awhile.  More F Bombs dropped as an armbar goes on Sting.  Clothesline puts Sting down again for two.  Anderson wastes forever and does Sting’s chest pound before missing a horrible Stinger Splash.

Modified world’s strongest slam gets two.  Anderson is covering a lot here.  Back to the armbar which makes some sense here at least.  Sting starts his comeback and pounds on his chest as he is known to do at times.  Clothesline sets up a backdrop and the splash in the corner.  Scorpion is set up….and here’s Bischoff.  Another Stinger Splash misses and Anderson gets a very close two.

Sting gets a regular DDT with the bad arm for two.  He tries something close to a Banzai Drop but gets caught in the little stingers which gets two for Anderson.  Mic Check hits on the second attempt for two.  Stinger Splash and the Death Drop hit but Bischoff interferes and messes with the count so there was only a two count instead of the three.  Low blow RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE REFEREE sets up the Mic Check and we have a new champion.  Wow indeed.

Rating: C. The chicanery hits again.  I really hope this doesn’t set up Anderson joining Immortal because it really seemed like it was dying there for awhile.  Bischoff is the source of drama again which is his custom.  Hopefully this sticks around so we don’t have Sting vs. Hogan for the title.  Surprising ending and it more or less locks up Angle winning tonight in the main event.

Karen says Kurt pushed her which is what caused her injuries.  The medal comes to Tennessee tonight.  Tenay calls her a ball buster.

We recap Jarrett vs. Angle which is the final battle tonight.  They’ve had like six PPV matches tonight and this one is mainly over Karen being “injured” (read as going off to get implants) which we couldn’t see the details of.

Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Jarrett

Winner gets the title shot next month and if Jeff wins he gets Kurt’s medal.  I can live with this being the main event because it’s the anniversary show and this has been built up better than Sting vs. Anderson.  Angle’s right arm is taped a bit.  Feeling out process to start as they’re going for the big epic match here which they probably should.  Angle takes it to the mat as is his custom.

Headlock goes on for awhile by Angle and he adds a hiptoss to take over.  Jeff backdrops him to the floor and Kurt is holding his shoulder which I’d assume is kayfabe.  Jeff works him over on the floor for awhile and we head back into the ring.  Jarrett hammers away as Angle is in trouble.  He hits that move where one guy is in position for the 619 and you jump on their back.  Both try cross bodies and they both go down.

There’s the sleeper to give them a breather.  Angle rams him into the corner and there’s a German.  Boo/yay punching sequence with the yays having it.  Belly to belly gets two.  Dropkick off the middle rope gets two.  Jarrett tries a rana I think which is countered into a powerbomb for two.  Ankle lock goes on for a bit but Jeff gets a DDT for two.  Stroke is countered into the Angle Slam for two.  Moonsault misses and he would have barely hit Jeff’s feet anyway.

Tombstone doesn’t work and it’s ankle lock time again.  Jeff rolls through and down goes the referee.  Low blow takes Kurt down and Jeff grabs a guitar on the floor.  Down goes Kurt and for once he moves the pieces out of the ring.  He leaves one though and here’s another referee who apparently wasn’t watching the screen in the back.  That gets two and Jeff is ticked.

Earl and Jeff get into a shoving match, resulting in a Kurt rollup for two.  Here are the Germans for a long two.  Jeff goes up and there’s the running suplex for a long two.  The crowd isn’t really getting into this for some reason.  Angle charges and goes shoulder first into the post.  Middle rope Stroke only gets two.  Jeff gets the Angle Slam and the ankle lock to Kurt, including the leg lace.  Jeff stands up for some reason and Kurt rolls through into the ankle lock with the lace and Jeff taps.

Rating: B+. Very good match here and mostly worthy of a main event of a PPV, but at the same time it never hit that epic level that they were looking for.  Anderson vs. Angle at the next PPV should be ok but we’ve seen it before.  At least it hasn’t happened recently though so that helps.  This was a rather good match here and a fitting match for the final battle.  Good match, but not quite great.

Overall Rating: B-. Overall this was good but at the same time there were some rather questionable booking decisions on this show.  The Bischoff thing I’m not sure about at all but that’s coming on Impact I guess.  Ray vs. AJ was freaking stupid after the great match which doesn’t surprise me in the slightest.  Overall it’s good, but some of the booking and the first hour being pretty weak overall hurts it.  Still good though and one of the better TNA shows in a good while.

Results

James Storm/Alex Shelley b. British Invasion – Sliced Bread #2 to Magnus

Matt Morgan b. Scott Steiner – Carbon Footprint

Abyss b. Brian Kendrick and Kazarian – Abyss pinned Kazarian after a leg lariat from Kendrick

Crimson b. Samoa Joe – Red Sky

Mickie James b. Angelina Love – Jumping DDT

Bully Ray b. AJ Styles – Styles couldn’t answer the ten count

Mr. Anderson b. Sting – Mic Check

Kurt Angle b. Jeff Jarrett – Ankle Lock

Smackdown
Date: June 10, 2011
Location: Roanoke Civic Center, Roanoke, Virginia
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Josh Matthews

With Christian apparently a heel now, it should be interesting to see where he goes.  It’s pretty clear that they’re setting up for Christian/Orton III at the PPV which is probably their best bet.  Other than that there isn’t much to talk about here.  Everything seems to be going along as it always does, which is a good thing as no one can really run a TV show like Smackdown does at this point.  Let’s get to it.

We open with a clip of last week with Christian apparently turning heel and bashing Orton’s head in with the title.  The dramatic music is a nice touch here.

Speaking of the Canadian here he is.  He talks about how the fans that boo him get it apparently because he was screwed out of winning the championship just five days out of winning it.  He was also screwed out of being #1 contender two weeks ago so he was justified in what he did last week, which draws booing.  Christian says he is done with all the people, his so called “peeps”.  He doesn’t want to talk to them ever again.  There’s a solid evil smile on his face here too which is really selling the heel turn.

The one person he does want to talk to is sitting over here, and his name is Michael Cole.  Christian calls Cole into the ring and has something to say in general and not specifically to Cole.  Christian talks about how he doesn’t get the fans.  These are the people that went off on the internet about how he lost the title and how unfair it is but now they’re blasting him for what he did last week.  He doesn’t get how the fans cheering went.

Let’s talk about Bob in accounting.  If Bob is up for a big promotion, he should get it on the basis of his merit, not by going out and asking people on the street if he should get it.  That’s what Teddy did by asking the fans.  It’s disrespectful to Christian to have Teddy do that.  He’s been disrespected by one person in particular: Randy Orton.  A real man wouldn’t have taken that title shot five days after a ladder match.

Christian asks Cole for a favor since he’s not talking to the people.  He wants Cole to ask the people if they think he deserves to be the world heavyweight champion.  Great heat for him mentioning that.  Cole asks the fans and the booing isn’t as loud.  Wow so he has Cole beaten already.  Christian calls the fans clueless and says he’ll be champion again.  When he does it, it’ll be for himself and not for them.  With that, he leaves.  Very solid heel turn speech here as there’s total logic to what he’s saying and the delivery was great.  This was one of the better ones I can remember in a very long time.

Corre vs. Ezekiel Jackson/Usos

What an odd face tag team.  Jackson wants Barrett to start but gets Slater instead.  Jackson of course runs over him and brings in let’s say Jey.  Slater gets beaten from one side of the ring to the other and brings in Gabriel to face apparently Jimmy.  Does it really matter?  Gabriel is an extremist apparently.  Booker compares the Usos to Harlem Heat.  That’s a surprising pairing to be sure.

Booker spent about six months with the Usos before.  Corre speeds things up and sends the Usos to the floor and into the table.  We take a break for a don’t try this at home video.  Can’t make fun of that.  Back with Barrett stomping away at “one of the Usos” as apparently Josh can’t tell them apart either.  Boss Man Slam gets two.  Let’s say that’s Jimmy (bet that’s wrong but again does it matter?) playing Ricky Morton for awhile so I guess that makes Slater Bobby Eaton?

Hot tag to Jackson and Barrett runs off, bringing in Gabriel.  Jackson starts the slams and Barrett tries to bail.  Slater yells at him but he walks off anyway.  Slams all around and the Usos add a double superkick (how has that never been a tag team finisher?  I know the Rockers used it at times but not as a finisher) to Slater and the Torture Rack ends Gabriel at 6:45 shown of 10:15 shown.  Barrett vs. Jackson for the title at the PPV.

Rating: C. Just a run of the mill six man here to further the Corre splitting up.  Nothing wrong with that at all as I think it leads to the Jackson title reign at the PPV, which it probably should do.  Anyway, the Usos were a surprising addition here and the whole thing was fine.  Right in the middle sounds fine.

Teddy is on the phone and apparently making bets on horse racing.  Sheamus comes in and Teddy pretends that he’s talking to his wife.  I wonder if that betting thing is going anywhere.  Anyway Sheamus wants Christian tonight and Teddy says no.  Instead Teddy makes it Orton vs. Sheamus, no DQ.  Sheamus likes that as he’s smiling about it, but the visual is really weird here as the camera zooms in on his face like Teddy has left or the shot is ending but it pulls back to see Teddy just looking at him.  Unintentional comedy works every time.

Gabriel and Slater want an explanation and Barrett says they’re nothing without him.  The tag team says you’re about to find out because the Corre is done.

Trent Barreta vs. Jinder Mahal

I can never spell Barreta right the first time.  Always add an extra T.  Mahal’s legs are almost creepy looking from being so long.  We have the makings of another squash here and the height that Trent gets on a backdrop is great.  He gets a shot in to break Mahal’s momentum and tries what looks like a moonsault, but Khali provides the distraction.  Full nelson slam ends this at 1:29.  More or less a squash.  Vice Grip to Trent post match.

Some young clueless putz gets to talk to AJ who is all perky and cute and I can’t help but smile.  Before she gets anywhere Tamina and Rosa come up to give her cheese, because she’s a little mouse.  AJ says Laycool called and wants their gimmick back.  The evil ones say AJ will be alone tonight but Natalya comes up and the heels leave.

Tamina vs. AJ

AJ has music now.  Tamina tries to overpower her but AJ gets a quick dropkick in.  That gets her nowhere so Tamina slams her and we hit the armbar.  Booker flat out says he can’t focus because of Rosa’s short dress in front of him.  Sounds far less creepy than Lawler here.  Apparently Natalya took AJ and Kaitlyn paintballing.  Think Cole has fun with that line?  Tamina puts her in a fireman’s carry but yells at Natalya too much and AJ rolls down her back and gets a rollup for the pin at 2:00.  Dang she has nice abs.

We see a shorter version of the opening video about Christian to set up this.

Here’s Orton but this isn’t for his match apparently.  He wants Christian to come out here right now and explain this.  Christian pops up on the screen and says ask the fans if that’s what they want.  He imitates Teddy in a funny bit and says he’s not coming out here.  Christian wants one more match but Orton says he doesn’t care.

Christian talks about how he could have counted Orton down last week but didn’t want to face Sheamus for the title.  He wants Orton, because he knows he can beat him.  Orton wants Christian RIGHT NOW but Christian says on his terms, not anyone else’s.  They make the match at Capitol Punishment.  Christian gets in his car and leaves, more or less guaranteeing he’ll be here for later.

DiBiase and Rhodes make Anthony Weiner jokes.  Cody wants to know if he can call the shots out there tonight and Ted takes exception.  Rhodes talks about having money and women in Legacy and Ted says then you got your face messed up and went nuts.  Cody casually shouts for a bagger and has the bagger put the bag on his own (the bagger’s) head.  Cody says he’s not nuts but prematurely enlightened.  Now he feels free and while he may be nuts, he may also be a genius.  This was odd to say the least.

Sin Cara vs. Ted DiBiase

I’d have bet on this being the tag that was more or less set up last week.  No Bryan in sight but Cody and the baggers are with Ted here.  There go the lights which I don’t get.  It kind of made sense for Kane but I don’t get it at all with Cara.  Fast start of course as Cara gets a pretty awesome but completely overdone armdrag.  Ted gets a boot up in the corner to take Cara down.  Cara gets in a shot and sets for a springboard something but Cody pulls him down and it’s a DQ at 1:50.

Bryan runs out for the save and Teddy makes the tag match.

Daniel Bryan/Sin Cara vs. Ted DiBiase/Cody Rhodes

Well at least they didn’t waste much of our time on the one on one.  There’s a break before the match.  The match is in progress when we come back with Bryan hitting an arm drag to DiBiase.  LeBell Lock can’t go on as Ted runs to the corner and brings in Cody.  Cody gets in an argument with the referee and walks into a missile dropkick by Cara.  Cara gets sent shoulder first into the post and here comes Rhodes.

Never mind as it’s off to Ted.  He only came a little.  Make your own jokes there.  Ted works on the injured arm but gets caught in a cross armbreaker.  Cara rolls it into the ropes though so it doesn’t really mean anything.  Cody comes in and works on the arm while the referee speaks Spanish.  Single arm DDT gets two.  This match is awkward for some reason and I can’t put my finger on why.

Ted works on the arm now as we talk about Booker getting back in the ring on Monday.  Back off to Cody as I think the problem is the former Legacy isn’t staying in long enough to make anything work really.  Cara tries to speed it up and hits an enziguri to put Cody down.  Double tags to Bryan and DiBiase and Bryan takes over.  Even Cole is complimenting him here.  Cara hits a suicide dive to take Cody out and Bryan jumps off the middle rope into a guillotine and then into the LeBell Lock for the tap at 6:30.

Rating: C-. I didn’t like this at all for the most part but it was technically fine.  The formula was there for the most part but I couldn’t get into it at all.  The rating is probably low but at the same time it just didn’t draw me in at all.  Very awkward match for some reason which I think might have been due to Cara and Bryan never really being on offense other than at the end and a brief bit at the beginning.

Johnny Curtis has a chip on his shoulder.  Like a potato chip.  He eats the chip and that’s about it.  I spent 15 weeks watching NXT for this.  I hate my life, I have my life.

Orton talks about his past anger management issues and says this match will help him.

Randy Orton vs. Sheamus

No DQ remember.  Sheamus goes straight at him like a good monster heel and hammers him down.  Orton gets his non-Thesz Press to take over.  They head to the floor as Orton sends Sheamus into the barricade.  Sheamus hammers away but Orton gets a dropkick up to block the slingshot shoulder block and we head back to the floor.  He puts Sheamus’ head on the steps and tries to stomp down but since that would more or less kill him, Sheamus pulls him down and rams Orton’s head into the steps as we take a break.

Back with Sheamus having that crossface chickenwing on but shifting to a chinlock rather quickly.  Ok back to the crossface.  Pick a hold dude.  Orton fires off a headbutt of all things to escape.  Sheamus takes him down again and back to the same hold.  There’s the slingshot shoulder for two.  Again with the chickenwing but now it’s off to a regular chinlock one more time.

Ok make that a headlock.  At least this time Orton gets a belly to back to break up the monotony.  Orton hammers him down and it’s a slugout again.  Orton fires off and hits his powerslam but Sheamus heads to the floor.  Sheamus is sent into the barricade but reverses to send Orton into the steps.  Both guys are down but it’s Sheamus up first.  Into the ring and Sheamus brings the steps with him.

Orton counters with the backbreaker for two.  The steps are pulled into the middle of the ring but Sheamus pulls him into the middle buckle and stomps away.  Austin would be proud of those.  Sheamus can’t powerslam Orton onto the steps but Orton gets one onto them to put the pale one down.  The steps are shoved aside and Sheamus hits the Irish Curse for two.

Sheamus heads to the floor and pulls out a kendo stick.  He beats the tar out of Orton with it but can only get two.  The crowd is rapidly getting into this.  Sheamus throws the stick away and sets for the Brogue Kick.  Orton avoids it though and Sheamus’ foot is caught in the ropes.  Randy picks up the stick and unloads on Sheamus, hitting probably twenty shots or so.  Orton has that crazy look in his eyes and it’s the elevated DDT.

He loads up the RKO but Christian runs in.  He can’t hit the Killswitch though and Randy can’t hit the RKO.  Sheamus takes Randy’s head off with a running double axe handle and it’s time for the High Cross.  Orton escapes and ducks the Brogue Kick.  RKO hits but Christian blasts him with the belt and Sheamus crawls on top for the pin at approximately 17:12 shown of 21:14.  The video was jumping around a lot on the site I was using so this is as good of a guess as I can give it.

Rating: B+. I rather liked this as they didn’t have a really boring part other than in the very middle with Sheamus using a ton of rest holds.  Still though it worked rather well as they’ve apparently figured out how to not bore us to tears.  The ending here works also because Orton had the win until Christian interfered.  I like this ending as it makes Christian seem like he’s getting under his skin through action instead of doing whatever Anderson is trying to do to Sting at the moment.  Fun and solid match.

Christian holds up the belt to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. Good show but a step down from last week.  They continue to have the perfect pacing as far as matches to promos and we got a ton of wrestling here.  Not as good as last week but still quite good, especially with the majority of stuff already set up for the PPV, which is the main idea at this point.  Good show but not great.

Impact Wrestling
Date: June 9, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

It’s the go home show for Slammiversary and we have most of the card set up already.  With Foley now fired and apparently legit gone from the company, it appears that Immortal is back in control again.  Also we’re likely to get the final push to Sting vs. Anderson which will see Sting/Young vs. Anderson/Gunner.  Anyway, let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week of Foley being fired and Immortal having full power again.  Hogan is looking extra orange here.

Hogan and Bischoff open the show.  Hulk says that the Network finally woke up and got rid of the selfish Foley.  Eric says that Foley did have a few good ideas such as the name of the show and that wrestling matters.  Eric assures us that the X Division is going to be presented in a fair and balanced manner.  First up though he wants the contenders in the world title match to come down here right now.

Here are Anderson and Sting.  Hogan talks about how awesome this company is now.  They’re not going to go through this with the Network again.  Hogan gave his word apparently and he meant it.  At Slammiversary there will be a winner and a loser with no gimmicks or agendas.  Also there will be no run-ins.  If either guy has a problem with that speak now.

Anderson raises his hand and says that he’s been making fun of Sting for weeks because everything Sting stands for is a joke.  Anderson is in this for Anderson and on Sunday, he’s getting the title back.  Sting says he’s got a lot he’s going to do about that.  There are a lot of things he wants to do around here and he’s going to do them because he’s champion.  One of two things has to happen: Hogan and Bischoff have to leave or the real Hogan has to come back.  He gets in Eric’s face and calls him an infection, blaming him for Hogan being the way he is.  Hogan needs to cut away the cancer, and he’s certainly capable of it.

Knockouts are up next.

Mickie James/Tara vs. Winter/Angelina Love

Can we just get to the lesbian stuff already?  Tara has the motorcycle back.  Tara and Winter start us off.  Angelina doesn’t seem interested in tagging in so Mickie and Tara work on the arm.  I guess Mickie is all cool about the whole Tara running her over a few months back thing.  Off to Angelina who wants Mickie.  Tara instead hits a spinning side slam and it’s off to Mickie.  They hit a wheelbarrow splash for one as Angelina does her zombie thing again.

With Tara accidentally distracting the referee, Winter is able to get a powerbomb in the corner on Mickie for two.  The zombie chicks take over on Mickie now as she plays Ricky Morton for a bit.  Mickie hammers back and that gets her nowhere.  Blind tag brings in Angelina but Mickie hits a dropkick to take her down.  Everything breaks down and Madison comes down to distract Tara, allowing Angelina to hit her backbreaker on Mickie for the pin at 4:45.

Rating: C. Not bad here but really just a standard tag match.  It sets up the Mickie vs. Angelina match on Sunday which is fine.  Nothing too bad but Madison might have been a bit too much out there.  Angelina’s chest looked great though so that balances out the questionable ending.

Beer Money and Shelley are ready for their match tonight and on Sunday.

Mexican America says they’re tired of getting less every time.

We get a video of Samoa Joe and Crimson fighting in a bar which is filmed via phone apparently.  Joe beats the tar out of him.

Jeff Jarrett gets here and doesn’t want to talk about Karen so he walks off.

The Brits are on commentary here.  Well at least Magnus is as Williams stands behind the desk.

Mexican America vs. Alex Shelley/James Storm

Anarquia and Shelley start us off.  The champions I guess do some of the Guns’ offense which Storm modifies for his own style.  I like that as it plays up the best of both world dynamics.  Shelley gets caught coming off the top and Hernandez hits his slingshot shoulder to take Shelley down.  We keep cutting to Magnus talking so it’s hard to see everything that’s going on.

Shelley tries to fight back but gets caught by the power of Hernandez.  Slam sets up a missed splash off the top by Supermex and there’s the tag to Storm and one to Anarquia also.  Everything breaks down and Hernandez is knocked to the floor.  Storm has Anarquia covered but the girls distract the referee.  Sarita gets beer to the face and Shelley kicks Storm in the face, allowing Anarquia to get the pin on Storm at 4:30.

Rating: C. Pretty decent tag match here as we can see the problems that the guys unfamiliar with being partners.  I liked how Shelley and Storm worked together out there but I’m not sure I get the point in having them lose.  Have miscommunication and let them win still to make it look like they’re having issues but can still win on Sunday.  Either way not bad here.

Gunner comes in to see Anderson and Anderson asks for help against Sting, implying he’ll repay the favor later.  They’re cool apparently.

Mexican America comes in to see Hogan and wants a title shot.  Hogan gets all ticked off and says quit telling me what to do or he’ll turn into the Terminator and play a game of Hulkster Says with the ladies.  Mexican America is going to do something when Hogan least expects it.  Ok then.

Preview of Angle/Jarrett with the main focus being on Angle.  He says he’s not worried about this Sunday and says that he can beat Jarrett this time because there will be no Karen to distract him.

We open the second hour with more talking of course, this time in the form of Jarrett and Angle.  Jeff says Kurt is going to listen tonight rather than it being them going back and forth.  Karen is gone apparently and won’t be at the PPV.  Jeff has had to think about that for seven days now and the first thing he did was panic.  He panicked over what Kurt will do to him when it’s one on one.  Jeff reminds everyone that he brought Kurt in and Kurt is the best in history.

However, Kurt never thanked Jeff for bringing him in.  Kurt wasn’t happy about being the best in the company and the real star.  It was always about making people forget about Jeff.  Then Jarrett wanted to take everything dear to Kurt, so he took his wife and kids.  Now he wants to take away Kurt’s place on top and he won’t sleep until he owns it.

Kurt finally gets to talk and thanks Jeff for taking Karen out of his life for good.  All he’s ever wanted was Jeff one on one but Jeff had to keep bringing Karen into it.  Kurt isn’t wasting any more words on him because on Sunday, his wrestling will do the talking.  Then Jeff will see how real this really is.

ODB doesn’t like how Velvet presents herself and ODB will how Velvet what wrestling is tonight.

Kaz and Kendrick have Janice and are looking for Abyss.  Kendrick says Abyss is his type of guy.  They say they’re going to go find him.

Bully Ray is here for an open challenge.  On Sunday he’ll be the last man standing because he’s a man.  I wonder if he’s 40.  The challenge is for everyone other than D-Von.  Here’s a surprising person to take it.

Rob Van Dam vs. Bully Ray

RVD does his poses and gets powerbombed out of the corner for two.  All Ray so far as he uses his basic brawling stuff.  RVD finally gets in a kick to send Ray into the corner.  Monkey flip doesn’t work and Ray hammers away again.  AJ is chilling in the stands watching this.  Ray hasn’t seen him yet but he does now.  The distraction lets RVD recover long enough to counter the Piledriver.  Springboard kick sets up the Five Star and we’re done at 3:30.

Rating: C. This is barely gradeable as the majority was Ray hammering on RVD and then the AJ distraction.  RVD had a total of about four moves in this.  Remember a few weeks ago when he and Angle had one of the “biggest matches in Impact history”?  And now he has a three and a half minute match with Bully Ray that he needs AJ to help him get through.  Things change so fast in wrestling it’s unreal.

We get a clip from English TV of Angle trying to get back on the Olympic team.

Kendrick and Kaz are still looking for Abyss and they actually find him reading The Art of War again.  Abyss talks about how he doesn’t need Janice anymore and calls the X Title the Extreme Title.  There can be a three way at the PPV.  Kendrick gets into a big philosophical rant and Kaz just leaves.

We run down the card for Slammiversary.

ODB vs. Velvet Sky

ODB isn’t under contract apparently so she comes out next to the broadcast table.  Sky jumps her before the bell and the brawl begins.  Velvet is sent into the steps and hurts her knee as we finally head into the ring and start the actual match.  ODB covers immediately but only gets two.  This is a sloppy brawl and barely even a match at all.

Velvet can’t get going due to the knee injury but has a chance to breathe due to ODB yelling at the referee.  She argues even more and Velvet can’t do anything.  The announcers make stupid jokes and we get more arguing with the referee.  Velvet finally wakes up and stomps away in the corner.  Out to the floor again and Velvet gets her back rammed into the post.  Fall away slam sets up more yelling and Velvet grabs a DDT for the surprise pin at 5:12.

Rating: D. Didn’t like this at all as it was about five minutes of stomping, choking and yelling.  I guess that’s the end of this feud and if so that’s not saying very much.  Pretty weak match here and the only real perk was Velvet looking good.  Any match where I have to watch ODB slap her vagina is a bad one.

Eric Young is all stupid again and talks about unifying the titles and Who’s The Boss before Sting yells at him again.  He wants him to drop the comedy for one night and let the competitor come out.

We get a clip from Xplosion where D-Von and Pope have been having issues.  Pope came out to save D-Von from Mexican America.  D-Von doesn’t like Pope being around his kids and wife.

And now let’s have our main event.

Gunner/Mr. Anderson vs. Sting/Eric Young

Big match intros kill some time.  The slow bell for this makes me chuckle for some reason.  Sting vs. Anderson to start but we get the traditional fast tag from Anderson to bring in Gunner.  Sting gets the splash in the corner very quickly and adds a second one, both of them to the back.  Apparently the second was because a spot was messed up as after the first Sting intentionally turned his back to Anderson.  He did it again the second time in the same spot and Anderson drilled him.

Anderson works over Sting in the corner now and it’s off to Gunner again.  He works on the ribs with an abdominal stretch and here’s Anderson again.  Sting gets a clothesline and it’s off to Eric who cleans a few rooms, adding a big top rope elbow to Gunner.  He fakes blowing mist at Anderson but celebrates too much and is rammed into Sting.  That counts as a tag somehow and Gunner hits the F5 on Sting for the pin at 6:00.  Oh and Young celebrates on the floor.

Rating: D+. What in the world was that?  Who in the world thought it was a good idea for Gunner of all people to get a pin on Sting to end the show?  I don’t get this at all and the main event is the longest match of the show at 6:00.  Not a fan of that at all and I don’t get what they’re going for here in the slightest.

Back and Young doesn’t get that they lost.  Sting is mad.

AJ says the plan is coming together.  Ray pops up and says he didn’t back away.  Agents break it up.

Sting gets something out of his bag and Anderson talks about how he didn’t break a sweat.  Sting comes up and Anderson runs.  They go into a trailer and Sting beats him down then puts paint all over Anderson’s face.  This is Sting snapping I guess.  He chokes Anderson out to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Not a bad show tonight but it was rather paint by numbers.  Nothing really happened here but it was a go home show for the PPV and they covered the big matches for it pretty well.  That being said it was another match where everything kind of dragged which is never a good thing.  Definitely not a bad show but really just kind of there at the end of the day.  That main event brought it down though.

Results

Angelina Love/Winter b. Mickie James/Tara – Backbreaker to James

Mexican America b. Alex Shelley/James Storm – Anarquia pinned Storm after a superkick from Shelley

Rob Van Dam b. Bully Ray – Five Star Frog Splash

Velvet Sky b. ODB – DDT

Gunner/Mr. Anderson b. Sting/Eric Young – F5 to Sting

NXT
Date: June 7, 2011
Location: Roanoke Civic Center, Roanoke, Virginia
Commentators: Todd Grisham, William Regal

I think we’re in week fourteen here, which means we’re a week shy of this being as long as any other season of this show.  We have four people left so at least this is getting close to being done.  I’m not sure what else they can do with these four left because we’ve watched them fight time after time now.  They had a new idea last week so maybe they’ll surprise me.  Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Maryse and how the guys on this season have been obsessed with her and fighting over her.  The idea here is that Cannon has Maryse in his corner so he has an advantage.  Good to see someone other than O’Neil looking like they have a chance here.

JTG is in the ring here for a talk show segment apparently.  Oh joy.  It’s called Straight Outta Brooklyn apparently.  The guest is Yoshi Tatsu, because they’re the two pros whose rookies are gone.  Apparently people blame Yoshi for Saxton being gone.  They do the thing where Yoshi is asked questions and the mic is pulled away before he can answer.  We talk about Maryse and how she dumped Yoshi because he has no game (JTG: “I got more game than THQ.”)  Yoshi makes a Yo Mama joke because this is apparently the mid 90s.  JTG jumps him as he’s leaving, likely setting up a match later.  Striker makes said match.

Yoshi Tatsu vs. JTG

The match is joined in progress.  JTG hits a knee to the ribs for two and actually works on the ribs.  Yoshi misses some chops and gets taken down again.  JTG hits Jay Lethal’s Lethal Injection neckbreaker for two.  Regal mentions that next week is an elimination.  That’s a good sign at least.  Yoshi fights up and strikes away, including a spinwheel kick to take JTG down.  A big high kick misses though and JTG takes him down again.  Yoshi fights back up and hits the aforementioned high kick to end this at 5:31 shown.

Rating: C. Match was ok, but at the end of the day it’s Yoshi Tatsu vs. JTG.  This match redefines low stakes.  It wasn’t too bad or anything, but JTG is supposed to be a heel here and I tend to be more intimidated by a riled up cocker spaniel than him.  Also great to see that a show about the rookies has gone over ¼ of it already with zero mention of them other than in a video which is mainly about Maryse.

Capitol Punishment ad wastes even more time.  The only good part here is that when Regal is “woken up” the first thing he says is I didn’t know you were married.  This guy saves this show week in and week out.  When I say saves I mean he keeps it on the TV in the 5^th circle of torment rather than the 9^th.

HOKEY SMOKE IT’S ONE OF THE ROOKIES!!!  O’Brian tries to break a board with his head….and he’s talking to Horny who hurts his head trying to break a board.  Titus and Vlad come up so O’Neil picks up Horny and rams his head through the board.  I hate my life.  I truly do.

Chavo Guerrero/Darren Young vs. Vladimir Kozlov/Conor O’Brian

I have a very bad feeling that they’re going to have O’Brian sneak in the back and win this somehow.  He’s the least interesting and the worst wrestler out of all these guys which means he’s probably the favorite.  First match between the rookies starts up over halfway into the show.  I guess that’s required though.  Have to hit the JTG fanbase.  Young and Vlad start us off with Kozlov taking him down to the mat almost immediately.

Off to the cure with insomnia with sideburns who gets two on Young.  Chavo comes in and hammers away but that’s too interesting so let’s bring Young back in again.  Chavo hits a slingshot hilo ala Eddie for two.  Conor hits an elbow and we head to the floor, only for Chavo to beat Conor back in and hit a slingshot axe handle to take him down again.  We take a quick break and come back with Young getting two on Conor.

Vlad finally gets the hot tag and gets double teamed because Conor thinks there’s nothing wrong with letting him fight off two guys at once and losing any momentum they had.  Some lunkhead fan tries to get a Vlad chant going and it completely fails.  The pros come in so it’s at least borderline interesting.  Off to Young again as they work on the back of Kozlov for awhile.

Neckbreaker takes Kozlov down for two.  We hit the chinlock because someone thought giving these guys over ten minutes was a good idea.  Front facelock wastes some more time.  Double tags bring in both rookies as I think we’re finally getting close to the ending here.  Flapjack takes Young down for two.  Young gets up and hits his fireman’s carry into a backbreaker for the pin on O’Brian at 12:10.

Rating: D+. Well they were trying I guess but Young and O’Brian just aren’t interesting.  That’s all there is to it: I have no desire to see them have any match at all.  Young was dull in Nexus and he’s dull here.  O’Brian is supposed to be this guy that has worked his way here but it’s just not working.  Chavo and Vlad are ok but that’s about it, and that’s not enough to support a 12 minute match.

Titus O’Neil vs. Lucky Cannon

Maryse is with Cannon as are both pros.  Maryse has a big purse with her which apparently cost $3,500.  It’s a bag.  You put stuff in it.  HOW CAN THAT COST THIRTY FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS???  The stupid thing is there are bags that cost that much so it’s not even a wrestling overstatement.  Lucky takes over to start and pounds away.  Off to a chinlock as we’re running out of time here.

Lucky actually covers him after some stomps.  When do you ever see that?  Back to the chinlock again which eats up some clock.  Titus hammers back but gets sent to the floor.  It’s shenanigan time as Horny proposes to Maryse, giving her a candy bracelet.  He tries to take her purse which is ripped in half.  Not buying quality I guess.  Cannon is distracted and turns into the Clash of the Titus to end this at 5:18.

Rating: D. This was a five minute match and about three of those were spent in rest holds.  That being said, I’d rather watch this again with ease over the previous tag match as at least these two are the talented and somewhat interesting rookies.  Titus has a look and Cannon is a somewhat interesting heel so I can actually stay interested in one of their matches.  Other than that, this was nothing though.

Overall Rating: D. And NXT botches it again.  The problem here is the same as it’s been the entire time: these guys aren’t all that interesting.  Also, it’s taking FAR too long to get through this.  It helps that we’re finally getting rapid eliminations but it took us three months to get here.  There are three guys on this show that are bearable but O’Brian just isn’t there.  Sadly, that probably means he’ll be pushed to the finals at least.  Anyway, another weak show here but we get rid of someone next week so there’s that to look forward to.

Results

Yoshi Tatsu b. JTG – Round kick to the head

Darren Young/Chavo Guerrero b. Vladimir Kozlov/Conor O’Brian – Backbreaker to O’Brian

Titus O’Neil b. Lucky Cannon – Clash of the Titus

Monday Night Raw
Date: June 6, 2011
Location: Richmond Coliseum, Richmond, Virginia
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

Things are a little different tonight as it’s not only Raw but also the Tough Enough finale which is going to delay the start of the main show just a bit.  It’s time for more build to Capitol Punishment as we’ll likely get fallout from last week’s Cena vs. Truth match, probably building to a rematch at the PPV.  Other than that there isn’t much known already.  Let’s get to it.

After Andy won Tough Enough and got drilled by Vince (who said he would have picked the other guy) and Stunned by Austin in one of the weirdest welcome to the jobs you’ll ever see we’re ready to go.

The show opens with Austin and Vince in the ring having some beers to open the show, here’s Truth in a Confederate Army uniform marching to the ring to the tune of When the Saints Come Marching In and singing about Little Jimmy marching in.  We get a clip of last week where Truth threw soda on a fan.  He apologizes to Big Jimmy and Little Jimmy and to the refreshing soda.

Truth doesn’t like being in the south and says that the Confederacy didn’t do anything right other than seceding from the Union.  Tonight he’s seceding from the WWE, but he’s keeping the title shot.  He talks about the conspiracy against him and asks Vince about it.  Vince asks if Truth’s real first name is R and says he should come visit him during his office hours.  Is this college all of a sudden?

Here’s Miz, saying he deserves a final title shot.  Riley comes out and doesn’t say much before Cena comes out also.  Cena says that everyone here is out of or for something, be it Miz being out of opportunities for the title, Riley being out for vengeance, Austin being out of beer or Truth being out of his mind.  Cena respects Riley and tells Truth to get rid of the uniform because he already has his PPV title shot.  We get an E-Mail but Vince cuts him off, saying that it’s Cena/Riley vs. Miz/Truth with Austin as referee.  Absolutely hilarious opening segment, namely due to Truth being insane.

Santino Marella vs. Michael McGillicutty

Neither guy gets an intro here.  McGillicutty yells at the crowd to zero reaction but Santino gets a nice pop.  Marella sends him into the corners and knocks him over the top with a clothesline.  He actually channels the Warrior with the rope shake and the gorilla press sign.  Cobra doesn’t work and McGillicutty takes over a bit.  Santino fires back and hits the saluting headbutt so he can do the Warrior press sign again.  Vlad runs over Otunga and the McGillicutter misses.  Cobra ends this clean at 4:35.

Rating: D+. This was a bit awkward and didn’t work all that well.  I’m not sure why this was on Raw but I guess it was to give us something a bit weaker after that very high powered opening.  Santino is still rather popular with his same old stuff but if it’s working why change it?  Not much here though as the wrestling was a bit off but maybe that’s why these two are in tag teams.

Kelly Kelly/Beth Phoenix vs. Bella Twins

Hokey smoke two matches with no commercials?  When do you EVER see this?  Well close enough at least as they go to commercial before the Bellas’ entrances.  Nice idea though.  After the break we get a clip of the Bellas making fun of Kharma for being pregnant.  Kelly starts as Cole talks about the Bellas’ Twitter.  Kelly gets beaten down by both twins while Beth plays cheerleader.

Off to the bow and arrow hold.  Jerry calls Kelly the milk to his cookies.  I really don’t want to think about Lawler’s cookies.  Off to Beth who cleans house on let’s say Brie.  We go way old school with a Tully Blanchard slingshot suplex for two.  Everything breaks down and there’s the Glam Slam for the pin at 2:26.  Good to see them making Beth look like a monster again.

Booker and Trish are in the back and Booker offers to give Trish a secret move: the Trisharooni.  He starts teaching her and Jack Swagger comes up to challenge Booker.  He says cool and it’s on for tonight.

CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio

Didn’t we see this last week?  Punk sits down on the stage and says that this next match is to prove that Nexus is still strong.  The match starts next.  Here we go and Punk tries a big kick to start.  Doesn’t actually connect but it looked good.  Off to the mat and Punk works on the wrist.  Rey speeds things up but can’t get an O’Connor Roll.  Monkey flip sends Punk to the floor and Rey adds a headscissors to take Punk down.

Back in and a slingshot legdrop gets two.  Punk fires back with his strikes but Rey escapes over the top.  He goes up but gets kicked down into the Tree of Woe.  Running knee to the exposed stomach gets two.  Belly to back gets two and it’s off to a body scissors by Punk.  Rey is sent spine first into the post and it’s time for a superplex.  Rey knocks him off and hits I guess you would call it a flipping attack to take Punk down.  He just kind of dove at him and rolled forward.

Rey starts his comeback and hits the springboard cross body for two.  A headscissors takes Punk down but he grabs a powerslam out of nowhere for two.  Ryan blocks the 619 so Rey gets a semi-botched but still good looking tornado DDT while kicking Ryan down to the floor at the same time.  Top rope splash ends this at 8:40.

Rating: B-. These two have undeniable chemistry in the ring and it showed again here.  They almost always have a solid match and while this wasn’t quite as good of a match as they’ve had before, it was certainly fine for about a 9 minute match on Raw.  Good stuff here, as expected from these two.

New presidential press conference video with Truth being insane.  When you can almost save one of these things, that’s a great sign.

Cena warns Riley to not cross him.

3 hour Raw next week and it’s WWE All Star Night.

Here’s Alberto in a 1960 Rolls Royce.  The word for Alberto right now is slander.  People have been saying he’s a hit and run coward.  It was an accident though and here’s the video to prove it.  We see a clip of the accident and now Del Rio wants Show to come out so he can apologize.  Here he comes….and it’s Ricardo in a bald wig on crutches.  There’s food being eaten and a catcher’s mitt for a hand.  Well they have the small bits down.

Alberto says he’s pretending to be hurt to avoid paying for damages to his car.  All Ricardo does is hold up his hand and growl.  Del Rio offers candy and ice cream and chocolate in exchange for dropping the charges but then takes it back, saying Show deserved what happened to him.  He warns Show not to make Alberto his enemy because Show will get hurt if he does so, because bad things happen to bad people.

Video on Kofi which more or less is him jumping a lot.  He’s up next.

Kofi Kingston vs. Zack Ryder

Ryder, the apparent new internet darling, doesn’t even get his own music as Dolph and Vickie are out there also for commentary.  Non-title here and Cole calls Ryder “Zack Ziggler”.  Kofi uses his basic stuff to start so Ryder gets in his face.  Ryder avoids the jump in the corner and gets a neckbreaker for two.  The announcers plug the Youtube show as Ryder gets a kick in the corner.  Well at least I think he did because we cut back to Ziggler and Vickie every 8 seconds.  Kofi starts his comeback and never mind as there’s Trouble in Paradise and we’re done at 2:44.  Just a quick match here and nothing of note.

Booker is up next.

Miz vs. Riley at the PPV.

Booker T vs. Jack Swagger

Booker grabs the arm to start and that gets him nowhere.  He chops away but Swagger knocks him to the floor and we shift into a brawl.  Swagger hammers on him for a bit until Booker gets a spinwheel kick out of the corner to take back over.  Axe kick misses but a heel kick sends Jack to the floor again.  And that’s it as he just takes the countout at 3:14.

Rating: C-. Just a quick match here to get Booker on TV, surprisingly enough not for a plug for the Nitro DVD.  It makes sense to not have Swagger lose clean here as Booker probably isn’t going to be a regular wrestler.  Not much at all but nothing really bad here.  It’s hard to complain about a match that barely broke the threshold for a rating.

Bourne jumps Swagger in the aisle and Jack winds up taking an axe kick and the Shooting Star Press.  There’s a double Spinarooni as well.

Alex Riley/John Cena vs. The Miz/R-Truth

Austin is referee remember.  We get all four entrances but the bell is next.  Back and it’s Miz vs. Cena to start.  Riley gets tagged in about 20 seconds in and Miz runs to tag Truth.  Truth does his usual stuff but Riley is able to tag in Cena.  Just like Miz earlier, Truth runs for his partner so it’s back to Cena vs. Miz again.  Cena LOUDLY calls for a bulldog and hits one on Miz so that the chase can be on.

Back to Truth vs. Riley with Truth taking his head off with a clothesline as we take a break.  Back with Miz holding a chinlock on Riley.  DDT gets two for Miz.  Miz gets in Austin’s face and then misses a charge, sending his shoulder into the corner.  Truth breaks up the tag and it’s off to the chinlock again.  Truth does the always stupid looking jump off the middle rope into the boot of the other guy and it’s off to Cena.

John hits his usual stuff on Miz and sends Truth to the floor.  There’s the STF but Miz doesn’t tap.  Truth brings in a chair, only to get dropkicked down almost immediately.  Double clothesline and Cena and Miz are both down.  Riley pops up behind Cena with the briefcase but pops Miz with it.  A Stunner sets up the AA to end Miz at 10:43.

Rating: C-. Didn’t really like this here as Riley needed to get some ring time and really wasn’t much of a factor here.  It was far too similar to the main event from I think two weeks ago where Bret was referee.  Not awful but I wasn’t all that into it and the match kind of dragged a bit.

Post match the GM says Austin has overstepped his authority so we’re going to reverse the decision.  Another E-Mail makes Austin guest GM next week.  Cole gets covered in beer and takes a Stunner and AA to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. Energetic show here but the wrestling held it back a bit.  They seem to have completely changed directions in the past few weeks and I think it’s working ok for the most part but not great.  Some of the feuds are interesting but seem shaky at the same time.  Capitol Punishment is more or less set on Raw and that’s a good thing.  Not a great show but overall I think it worked.

Results

Santino Marella b. Michael McGillicutty – Cobra

Kelly Kelly/Beth Phoenix b. Bella Twins – Glam Slam to Nikki Bella

Rey Mysterio b. CM Punk – Top rope splash

Kofi Kingston b. Zack Ryder – Trouble in Paradise

Booker T b. Jack Swagger via countout

R-Truth/The Miz b. Alex Riley/John Cena via disqualification when Austin stunned Miz

Smackdown
Date: June 3, 2011
Location: Wells Fargo Arena, Des Moines, Iowa
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Booker T, Michael Cole

We have a world title match in the main event tonight when Orton faces Sheamus.  Thankfully this isn’t the PPV match because I couldn’t take a whole month of buildup and matches between these two.  I’d bet on some Christian shenanigans in this, likely setting up Christian vs. Orton III which should be good.  Either way, this should be an ok show as Smackdown tends to be able to pace their show as well as anything.  Let’s get to it.

We open with a video about Christian waiting for seventeen years to become champion but losing very quickly and then doing it again to Orton.  There’s also a bit of talk about the title match tonight but it’s an afterthought based on the video.

Do you know your enemy?  Mine is the heat of the summer.

Christian vs. Mark Henry

Oddly enough Christian is introduced for his match with Chimmel saying “ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Christian!”  I’ve never heard that for a match before.  The referee sounds a lot louder tonight than usual.  Henry uses his power to start and Christian is sent to the floor.  Christian gets back in and tries a dive but is caught by Henry.  Henry then stands him back up on the apron.  I guess intelligence isn’t a requirement to be the strongest man in the world.

Back in the ring now and Christian takes over with his power before hitting the nerve hold.  I didn’t know he was Samoan/Tongan/Indian.  Christian gets up and fires off some clotheslines but can’t take Henry down.  Middle rope elbow can’t do it either so he tries the Killswitch.  This fails again and the Canadian is sent to the floor.  He sends Henry into the table and back into the ring we go.  A top rope cross body is caught by a World’s Strongest Slam attempt which is also reversed into the Killswitch for the totally clean pin at 4:27.

Rating: B-. Well that was unexpected.  This was almost shockingly decent here, with Henry doing his job perfectly as the big power man.  Christian getting a clean win like this is exactly what he needs as it keeps him in the main event scene by beating an upper midcard guy.  Pretty good stuff here which was a very nice surprise.

Barrett vs. Jackson later for the IC Title.

Post break Christian is feeling chatty.  While that was a good win, he wants to be in the world title match tonight.  We get a clip of the triple threat last week with Orton getting involved and the distraction costing Christian the pin on Sheamus.  He has a good point actually.  Christian thinks he should have one more chance to be champion and the fans seem open to the idea.

Here’s Teddy though who agrees that Christian was a victim of circumstance last week.  Christian takes a poll of the audience who seem to want part three of the trilogy, even though that’s usually the weakest part.  It certainly was in Back to the Future and Matrix.  They don’t seem thrilled about Sheamus getting the shot though.  Teddy however says he can’t do it.  Christian suggests a triple threat but alas it’s still a no.  However, Christian does get to be guest referee.

We get a video on Sheamus and how awesome he is.  Rather true, rather true.

Alicia Fox/Tamina vs. AJ/Kaitlyn

Rosa is with the evil ones and now has jet black hair which is working for her.  An inset interview shows AJ and Kaitlyn saying they’ll make Natalya proud.  Her advice: don’t lose.  Kaitlyn and Tamina start us off here.  And never mind the match as it’s time to talk about Kharma.  I can live with this as it’s not like the Divas mean anything.  Kaitlyn gets a rollup for two.

Off to Alicia who is far too pink at the moment.  Josh gets a very smooth transition as he talks about how AJ is the girl next door and often wears WWE gear, which you can get at Kmart.  That was awesome actually.  Back off to Tamina as the beating is on.  Tamina overpowers AJ and hits the Samoan Drop for the pin at 2:05.  Well that was abrupt.

Video on Sin Cara, who hopefully can go a second straight week with no visual botches.  These little 30 second videos are great things to use to get people on TV while not taking up too much time.

Here’s Cody with his bag people.  We get a quick clip of last week’s issue with Daniel Bryan where Bryan beat him and was then bagged post match.  Cody says that while Bryan may have allegedly won, his humiliation after the match means he lost, not Cody.  The bags are handed out, which is a great touch.  There’s a bag over the camera and we see the camera through the bag’s view.  Nice touch.  Cody says he’ll win the world title soon while everyone else has paper bags over their heads.

DiBiase vs. Bryan later.

Khali is with Striker and we get a clip from last week where Khali lost to Kane.  Cole says this was the continuation of a major losing streak.  What in the world are they talking about?  I can’t remember the last time Khali lost prior to losing to Kane.  I actually rewound the tape to hear that again to make sure I didn’t misunderstand that.  We see Khali more or less turning heel as he beat up Singh last week.  Mahal pops up and says if you want to talk to Khali, you talk to him.  Mahal speaks in two languages and says something about Jinder Mahal’s kingdom.  The first step is tonight and that is all.

Jinder Mahal vs. Yoshi Tatsu

Gee I wonder what’s going to happen here.  Mahal is like 70% legs.  It’s rather freaky looking actually.  Mahal dominates quickly and gets a jumping knee and a suplex for two.  Full nelson slam ends this in 1:09.  Remember when Tatsu was new and awesome?  Me either.  Khali puts him in the vice grip post match.

Obama thing again.  Yeah whatever.

Intercontinental Title: Ezekiel Jackson vs. Wade Barrett

Apparently Jackson was awarded a scholarship to an Ivy League law school.  If that’s true that’s rather impressive.  Jackson takes over with power to start and drops an elbow for two.  Barret gets a knee in to take over and I still can’t get over how loud this referee is.  I know you can usually hear a referee once in awhile but here you can hear his voice clearly throughout the entire match.  It’s not a bad thing but it’s very different.

Barrett hits a HUGE Bossman Slam with a 180 degree spin that gets a big gasp from the crowd.  That was awesome indeed.  Off to a reverse chinlock as Booker talks about how Jackson has a muscular head.  Barrett gets sent to the floor and then run over when he gets back in.  Here come the slams which is something that is growing on me.  It’s almost saying that with Jackson being so strong, why not just do the same move over and over again?

Torture Rack doesn’t work as Barrett gets into the ropes.  Jackson knocks him to the floor and here come Gabriel and Slater, at least walking slowly this time.  Not that it matters because Barrett is counted out at 4:12.  No big beatdown DQ here this week which is at least a change of pace.

Rating: C. And most of that is for the Bossman Slam.  That was a thing of beauty.  Anyway this wasn’t much but Jackson is really getting the hang of this big power man routine.  The slams are a very basic yet effective way to make him seem like a force.  I’d like to see him actually get a win with the Torture Rack but it’s a fine finisher for him.  I’m not sure where this leads with these two, but I’d assume it’s Corre finally telling Barrett to do it on his own.

They set up the three on one attack post match but Barrett doesn’t get in the ring and leaves them to be destroyed.  Jackson stands tall.

Sheamus doesn’t care that Christian is referee.  He flags Christian down and says he agrees that Christian was robbed.  Christian says that was a lie and Sheamus warns Christian against shenanigans (his word) but Christian cuts him off, saying it’ll be right down the middle.

Daniel Bryan vs. Ted DiBiase

Nice dropkick by Bryan gets one to start us off.  Ted tries to take it to the mat and just guess how well that goes for him.  Bryan gets a big kick for two and here comes Cody with his bag dudes.  We take a break and come back with Ted holding a bow and arrow hold.  Bryan likes to throw kicks.  Ted gets all ticked off and stomps away as he’s looking better than he has in a good while.

Ted bends Bryan around the post as Bryan is in trouble.  Daniel gets his backflip out of the corner and hits a clothesline to take Ted down.  Time for more kicks as it seems like he’s channeling his inner Kaval.  Hurricanrana off the top is countered into a sunset flip by Ted for two.  These two had solid chemistry on NXT and it’s showing again here.  The following clothesline (as in he sends Bryan in and follows him) by Ted turns Bryan inside out.

DiBiase is sent to the floor and Bryan hits a suicide dive.  He gets up, only to have a staredown with the masked dude named Cody.  Bryan tries a double axe off the top but jumps into a dropkick for two.  They hit the mat again and Bryan gets a GREAT LeBell Lock for the tap at 6:43 shown of 10:13.  The way Ted was twisted on his shoulder it looked like it was about to snap at any second.

Rating: B-. These two have solid chemistry together and that’s all there is to it.  DiBiase isn’t a guy that is known for being all that good in the ring but his stuff with Bryan is usually very solid.  Good match here as it got to the point where Bryan seemed to be in legit danger of losing, which is absurd when you actually think about it.  That’s a good sign and it was a good match too.

Cody immediately comes in, stomping Bryan before his music even hits.  Booker says this is borderline criminal.  Legacy starts the double beatdown but Sin Cara makes the save.

Long video from Raw shows the Cena/Truth stuff.

Here’s….Johnny Curtis.  I legit didn’t recognize him until he said his name.  He won NXT and was promised a tag team title shot with his pro.  Apparently that’s not going to happen so he’s going to do what anyone would do.  He pulls out a pan and a gallon of milk.  He pours the milk into the pan and sounds like he’s about to cry, then stops crying, drops the pan and pours the milk over his head with a weird look on his face.  It’s stranger than it sounds.

It’s announced that Truth gets Cena at the PPV for the title.  Josh interrupts and asks about the milk and Cole keeps on talking.  Truth has to apologize on Raw if he wants his shot.

Smackdown World Title: Randy Orton vs. Sheamus

TON of time left for this.  Christian is the referee remember.  Big match intros take up some of the time but that’s ok here.  Slow start as Sheamus grabs a headlock.  He’s looking extra pale tonight.  Sheamus uses his basic power stuff but Orton fires off a clothesline to break the momentum.  Out to the floor as this is turning into a brawl.  Sheamus is rammed into the barricade as we head back into the ring.

Elbow smash gets two for Sheamus as we head to the floor again.  Orton is rammed into the post back first a few times which gets two back in the ring.  We take a break and come back with Sheamus holding a crossface chickenwing, only to be broken quickly.  Sheamus hammers away with that physical style of his.  Front facelock goes on Cole is being his usual jerk self here.

Orton counters a suplex into one of his own and both guys are down.  Don’t you love it how a guy can be beaten down for like five minutes by a guy the size of Sheamus but then a single suplex hits and we’re back to even?  Orton goes into his normal moveset but gets kicked in the knee and slowed down.  In a pretty impressive move, Sheamus is sitting in the corner and grabs the top rope, pulling himself up to the top by flipping backwards.  Think of it kind of like skinning the cat.

Anyway it goes badly for him as he gets caught in a superplex for two.  Slingshot shoulder block gets two as does a running powerslam.  After a quick counter by Orton he walks into the Irish Curse for two.  Brogue Kick misses and Sheamus gets caught in the elevated DDT.  Christian has been a total non-factor up to this point.  I forgot he was the referee for almost ten minutes there.

RKO doesn’t hit so Sheamus hits a running double axe handle (I’m sure there’s a name for that but I can’t remember it.  Axe bomber maybe?) and it’s time for the High Cross.  Orton counters but is almost shoved into Christian.  He puts the brakes on but Sheamus rams into him with a shoulder.  Brogue Kick hits and Christian does the two count and then the arm injury.  Sheamus gets in his face and gets drilled, knocking him into the RKO for the pin at 11:03 shown of 14:33.

Rating: B. This is pretty much their best match ever by a mile or so.  Sheamus has really improved in the last few months as he’s added some more agility based moves to his power offense to make him look like a total killer.  Orton was his usual decent self here and while the combination still isn’t great, they’re getting it.  Sheamus helped this a lot more than Orton did, but I’m a big fan of the pale one so take that with a grain of salt.

Post match Orton celebrates and walks into a belt shot from Christian as I guess he turns heel.  He takes the belt and shouts that he can beat Randy.  GREAT heat on Christian as he holds up the belt.  Replay shows what a great shot that was too as that belt bounced off his head.  Christian leaves with the title and gets one of the most mixed reactions I’ve ever heard as he holds it up.  There’s clearly booing but the men are chanting for him.  Always interesting.

Overall Rating: A. That’s probably high but I had a blast watching this show.  Everything felt important and more than anything else: Smackdown continues to pack in more stuff than anything in two hours and they never once feel crammed or rushed.  We got six matches, development in stories, a new tag team feud, a heel turn, Divas and over ¼ of the show was in the ring.  This was excellent all around and should be the blueprint for how to run a TV show.  Great stuff.

Results

Christian b. Mark Henry – Killswitch

Alicia Fox/Tamina b. AJ/Kaitlyn – Samoan Drop to AJ

Jinder Mahal b. Yoshi Tatsu – Full Nelson Slam

Ezekiel Jackson b. Wade Barrett via countout

Daniel Bryan b. Ted DiBiase – LeBell Lock

Randy Orton b. Sheamus – RKO

Impact Wrestling
Date: June 2, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

It’s Thursday, which means it’s time for Impact.  After last week’s less than inspired effort, hopefully tonight there are no 40 minute rests between matches.  We have two weeks left before Slammiversary and most of the card seems to be all set up.  I’d expect more shenanigans from Anderson tonight as far as Sting and more build between Jarrett and Angle because we haven’t seen enough of that yet right?  Let’s get to it.

Bischoff arrives and is served legal papers by the Network.  Because when you think of wrestling, you think of old men with gray hair, network dealings and legal paperwork right?

We open with a big brawl between Velvet and ODB in the back.  Velvet fights back and hits a spear through….a big piece of paper.  ODB shouts about Velvet being the reason why ODB doesn’t have a job.  ODB beats her up and carries her into the Impact Zone, shouting about how Velvet slept her way to her job and all that jazz.

The producers FINALLY come out to break this up and that goes nowhere so ODB rips off the shirt Velvet is wearing so we at least get to see Sky in a bikini which is never a bad thing.  After Velvet is left laying and ODB leaves Tessmacher finally comes out to help her.  Some friend.  This ate up like five minutes total.

AJ and Bully Ray have a confrontation later.  Not a match mind you, a confrontation.

Also Jarrett/Steiner vs. Angle/Morgan.

Here’s Sting and never mind as it’s really Anderson again in old school Sting clothes.  He’s going to face someone from Sting’s past tonight and that’s about it.

Bischoff is on the phone and Kendrick comes up, saying he wants another shot at Abyss.  Kaz has the shot at the PPV apparently but tonight instead it’s Kaz vs. Kendrick and the winner gets Abyss at Slammiversary.

Bischoff is still on the phone, apparently to Hogan.  He actually says SpikeTV instead of The Network for once.  He comes into the arena and apparently that was during the break.  Hogan will be here later it seems.  Bischoff calls down Beer Money and apparently Roode isn’t cleared to wrestle at the PPV.  They’re facing the British Invasion apparently.  Uh….why?  Roode says he’ll be at the PPV so here comes Alex Shelley.

Apparently Sabin as torn ligaments in his knee and won’t be back until 2012.  Shelley talks about the best of 5 series that the Guns had last year with Beer Money and how he wants to defend the titles in Roode’s place.  Bischoff says no way but Shelley has Network authority.  They team is now Gun Money apparently.  Shouldn’t it be Beer Guns or Motor Beer or something?

Matt Hardy vs. Crimson

Crimson is introduced as the undefeated Crimson.  It’s Crimson vs. Joe at the PPV apparently.  Matt gets taken down by a clothesline quickly and sent to the floor for a breather.  Very basic match so far as Crimson uses his power and Matt uses his basic offense.  A middle rope clothesline puts Crimson down and an elbow gets two.  Matt works on the neck which makes sense for a guy whose finisher is the Twist of Hate.  Crimson tries to go up but Matt knocks him off and hits a middle rope legdrop for two.

Crimson starts his comeback and hits a double arm DDT for two.  His offense is kind of limited for the most part and he doesn’t wrestle like the power guy you would think he is based on his looks.  Twist of Fate doesn’t hit but the Sky High (wasn’t that called Red Sky or something last week?) ends this out of nowhere at 6:05.

Rating: C. Pretty boring here as Crimson didn’t look so much like a monster here but rather someone that escaped with a victory.  That’s ok because Matt is probably the biggest one on one match he’s had off the top of my head other than Joe, but this wasn’t anything all that great.  Not bad either though.  Just kind of there if that makes sense.

Joe comes out post match and is speared out of the ring before he can even throw a punch.

Anderson comes up to Young in the back and wants to talk to him.  Young has both titles on him still.  Apparently the world is clamoring for Young to have seminars to show how to have matches like Young and Gunner had last week.  Anderson wants Young to pretend to be Great Muta tonight for the match.  This is about respect though, not disrespect, so Young agrees.

Winter tells Angelina that tonight the respect begins again with Tessmacher.  Angelina actually talks, saying she remembers a better time when they were loved and alone and they need to go back to that time, which starts tonight.  Winter seems thrilled.

Eric gives an emotional speech to Immortal (including the Jarretts for once), saying that he didn’t think it would end like this.  Hogan will be here later and will explain things.  Immortal wants to know what happens to them as Bischoff leaves.

Miss Tessmacher vs. Angelina Love

Love vs. James at the PPV.  Tessmacher gets a pair of rollups within the first ten seconds for two each.  Angelina starts no selling stuff and hammers away on Tessmacher.  Cross body gets two for Tessmacher but Love knocks her to the floor.  Side slam is kind of dropped and Angelina rams her into the corner a few times.  Tessmacher fires back but takes forever setting up a victory roll and gets countered.  A reverse DDT into a backbreaker ends this at 3:35.

Rating: D+. Tessmacher isn’t much in the ring but thankfully they’ve figured that out, letting her more or less being a stripper and only be out there for her looks.  Not the worst match ever but really just par for the course with a weak Knockout against a decent one.  At least Tessmacher looked hot.

Post match Angelina chokes Tessmacher until Winter pulls her off.

Mr. Anderson vs. Eric Young

This is billed as Sting vs. the Not-So-Great Muta.  This feud was what, 22 years ago?  I know TNA is supposed to be an alternative to the kids show, but anyone under about 25 isn’t going to remember the original feud.  And yet it’s somehow better than Disco Inferno last week.  Anderson does slow motion Stinger Splashes in the corner while Young stands around.  Young goes to leave but Anderson stops him and overacts on everything.  Young’s face paint looks like Darth Maul.  Splash misses in the corner and Young fights back with a forearm for two.

Belly to belly gets two as does a crucifix.  Anderson tries to fight back and hits a reverse neckbreaker for two.  Young actually hits the moonsault for two and here’s Gunner.  The referee makes the stop and it allows Young to spit green mist at Anderson and a small package gets the pin at 3:58.  That’s an upset I guess, but not as big a one as they’re making it out to be.  The winner is announced as the Not-So-Great Muta.

Rating: C. For a comedy match, this wasn’t all that bad.  Young’s impression was pretty much dead on Muta, but I don’t really get the point in having the midcard champion be an impersonator like this.  It was entertaining, but I’m also not sure what the point of this is from Anderson’s perspective.  Is this supposed to tick Sting off or be rude to him?  By saying you had some great feuds in the past?  I don’t really get how that’s insulting.

Gunner and Anderson beat down Young post match until Sting makes the save.

Brian Kendrick vs. Kazarian

Winner gets Abyss for the X-Title at the PPV.  They shake hands pre-match to establish that they’re both good guys.  Very technical back and forth stuff to start us off here as neither guy can get an extended advantage.  Release gutwrench suplex puts Kendrick down and we head to the floor.  Brian misses a dive and Kaz takes over.  Back in the ring a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two for Kaz.

Kaz takes over completely, hitting a leg lariat for two.  Off to a cross arm pulling hold by Kazarian to give them a quick breather.  Kendrick gets a kick to the face to switch momentum and a missile dropkick gets two.  Moonsault misses for Kendrick but an enziguri puts Kaz down.  Sliced Bread #2 is countered into a neckbreaker for two for Kaz.  Good match so far.

Fade to Black doesn’t work so Kendrick kicks his head off with a superkick.  Frog splash gets knees though and a Shining Wizard puts Kendrick on the floor.  They trade two counts back in the ring as neither guy can take advantage again.  With a rollup the bell rings for a time limit draw at 7:57.  Dude, seriously?  You can’t give them an extra two minutes and three seconds for the sake of people who, I don’t know, might have looked at a clock before the match?

Thankfully they’re given five more minutes.  They both hit cross bodies at the same time and both guys are down.  And never mind as here comes Abyss to beat them both up for the DQ at a minute into the overtime so the total time is approximately 9:00.

Rating: B. Ok even though TNA can’t tell time apparently, this was one of the best TV matches I’ve seen in a long time.  This is what you can get with two young and talented guys that are out there working hard and giving you a good match.  I enjoyed this, even though the ending was rather stupid.  Very good match.

Here’s AJ to call out Ray.  He calls the Impact Zone his house so here’s Ray to rebut.  Ray says Daniels and AJ didn’t beat him last week.  They beat Dreamer, who was another weak partner apparently.  Ray says that AJ is everything he hates in a modern pro wrestler.  Instead of playing on a laptop, AJ needs to be in a strip club, getting a lap dance.

AJ says Ray is rather, ahem, small, which freaks Ray out.  Styles says that a bully is like a bully: you only have to pop it once to get rid of it.  A last man standing match is made for Slammiversary.  That could be good.  Ray asks if AJ knows what he’s getting himself into.  AJ asks if Ray knows what he’s getting into.  Not bad here.

Jeff Jarrett/Scott Steiner vs. Matt Morgan/Kurt Angle

They do the Karen in a chair thing to kill some time before the match starts.  Actually they completely throw her out.  Angle vs. Steiner start but Morgan and Jarrett are tagged in less than five seconds after the bell.  Jeff has black in his tights now.  Ok let’s tag it out again and have Steiner vs. Angle.  There’s a minute down in this match.  Angle gets a belly to belly and it’s off to Jarrett again rather quickly.

There’s the ankle lock but Jeff kicks off and Angle tags out also.  Headbutt takes Jarrett down and it’s off to Kurt again.  Oh never mind as we need to cut to the back to see Hogan being handed papers by Bischoff.  Back and Jeff hits an enziguri on Angle and brings in Steiner.  At this point, Impact officially has had more wrestling than NXT had this past week and it only took them an extra hour.

Steiner gets a belly to belly on Angle for two and it’s off to Jeff again.  Lots of tagging in this match.  It’s Sting/Young vs. Gunner/Anderson next week.  Stroke attempt is countered into an ankle lock but Jeff reverses again and both guys are down.  Off to Morgan and Steiner with Morgan claiming the advantage in the battle of alliteration.

Michinoku Driver gets two for Morgan as Jarrett saves.  Kurt and Jeff fight up the ramp and it’s an ankle lock on the stage, broken up by Karen.  We don’t bother watching the ring at this point but Jeff knocks Kurt into Karen and apparently she fell down a flight of stairs.  In the ring Steiner pins Morgan at 6:34 with a move we didn’t see at all.

Rating: C. Just a main event tag match here that was about a minute of nothing but tagging to start.  The ending…well….we have no idea what it was so it might have been good I guess.  Steiner hit Morgan low but there was a long delay between that and the pin so that probably wasn’t the pin.  Either way, just a main event tag here but nothing too bad.

Angle yells down at Jeff, saying it’s Jeff’s fault and we need paramedics.

Back and Karen is put in an ambulance as the announcers are all serious.

Here are Bischoff and Hogan.  Bischoff talks about Foley and how he’s known him for 19 years.  Foley could always talk but in the ring he couldn’t do much.  Foley is a puppet master because he’s made a career out of having a sock on his hand.  Hogan starts talking now, saying that Eric is his partner and that’s all that matters.  Hogan opens the paper which he looked at earlier, apparently reading it the first time.  He reads the legal issues out loud and Foley is fired apparently.  So Bischoff read those papers ALL FREAKING NIGHT and he never saw that part?  Hogan and Bischoff hug to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Well it wasn’t great, but this was miles ahead of what they had last week.  First and foremost the pacing was MUCH better.  There were no long breaks between matches and while there wasn’t much more wrestling, it was spaced out better which can make a huge difference.  Stuff was advanced this week and it was overall a much more entertaining show.  Better, but still not a great show or anything.

Results

Crimson b. Matt Hardy – Sky High

Angelina Love b. Miss Tessmacher – Reverse DDT into a backbreaker

Eric Young b. Mr. Anderson – Small Package

Brian Kendrick vs. Kazarian went to a no contest when Abyss interfered

Scott Steiner/Jeff Jarrett b. Kurt Angle/Matt Morgan – Steiner pinned Morgan

Monday Night Raw
Date: May 30, 2011
Location: Qwest Center Omaha, Omaha, Nebraska
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Josh Matthews, Michael Cole

Three weeks out from Capitol Punishment and we now have some new stories set up.  It’s looking like we’re setting up some form of Truth vs. Cena at the PPV which is probably the best option right here.  Other than that it’s kind of hard to say where we’re going with major matches as other than that, Show vs. Alberto is probably coming later with the knee injury angle.  Let’s get to it.

The opening video is a tribute to Memorial Day and soldiers that have died in combat.  Nothing wrong with that.

And now we have a black screen.  Oh wait here’s R-Truth at a merchandise stand destroying stuff.  And never mind as we’re gone again with a graphic saying there are technical difficulties.  Ok now he’s destroying the stand with no audio.  He messes with a concession stand and we cut to black again.  We have some background audio but whatever he’s saying into the microphone isn’t heard.

Cole and Lawler are talking but their words don’t match their movements.  Lawler says it’s something to do with the conspiracy.  Now Truth is coming down the steps in the audience and yelling at people in Cena gear.  There goes the audio again.  Truth comes down to a family in Cena gear and the audio is way out of sync.  He calls the kid little Jimmy and the kid’s father big Jimmy.  The father says What’s Up and Truth isn’t happy.  The sound sounds like it’s in a tunnel or something and is about 8 seconds ahead of the video.

He’s in the ring now and ranting about how the fans are the problem instead of him.  It’s about Little Jimmy apparently.  Here comes Cena as Vince must be losing his mind right now.  Cena says that Truth is losing it because he thinks everyone is named Jimmy and there is no conspiracy.  The audio is in sync now, about 10 minutes into the show.  Truth says it’s the fans and Cena that are crazy, not Truth.

The fans chant for Cena and the picture is still jumping a bit.  Cena says that these are the greatest fans in the world and they agree that Truth should be in a straightjacket.  Cena says he has no problem knocking some sense back into Truth.  Truth wants a match so all the little Jimmys can watch him beat Cena down.  Cue the GM for an E-Mail read by Cole and the main event is Truth vs. Cena with no little Jimmys allowed at ringside.  Truth thinks it’s a joke and says Cena will get got.

Kharma will speak tonight.

Dolph vs. Kofi next.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Kofi Kingston

Cole says he’s thankful for being back at ringside to call this show.  Dolph is blonde again which is a big improvement for him.  Technical stuff to start as Lawler says Vickie looks good tonight.  I know they were having technical difficulties but dang man they’re messing with Lawler’s words now.  Slower paced match than was probably expected.  Ziggler takes him down with a shoulder block but Kofi speeds things up a bit.

The referee has an elbow pad on for some reason.  Cole keeps sucking up to Vickie as Kofi takes over a bit.  No one has really had an extended advantage yet.  Kofi tries his jump into the punches in the corner but Dolph moves, allowing Kofi to land on the top rope.  Dolph shoves him to the floor as we take a break.

Back with Dolph holding an armbar and pulling Kofi back down by the hair.  Elbow drop gets two and we go to a chinlock.  Stinger Splash in the corner misses for Dolph and Kofi speeds things up again.  He can’t get the SOS but the jumping clothesline does hit.  There’s the Boom Drop but Trouble in Paradise misses.  Sleeper almost goes on and Kofi hits a pendulum kick.  Top rope cross body misses and a Fameasser gets a close two.  Small package gets two for Kofi but he walks into the Zig Zag for the pin at 10:50.

Rating: C+. This got a lot better near the ending but the first part of it was kind of uninspiring stuff.  Not a great match or anything but it’s nice to see them get about ten minutes to go out and let a match build upon itself instead of being like three minutes long.  Not bad but nothing great, especially compared to what they did on Smackdown last year.

Here’s Alberto in an Audi.  We get a clip from last week where Big Show was hit by the car driven by Ricardo.  Part of the clip shows Alberto was driving and Ricardo switched places with him in the background.  Ricardo explains his side of the story in Spanish.  Alberto says bad things happen to bad people.  They owe him money for damaging his car and Ricardo will send them the bill.  Get well soon Big Show.  So it took almost 8 minutes to say “I’m not sorry”?

Kelly Kelly/Eve Torres vs. Bella Twins

Eve vs. Brie to start as Eve does her gymnastics.  She hooks some kind of a choke/arm lock on but Twin Magic prevails.  The Bellas beat down Eve for a good while as the crowd really doesn’t seem to care.  There’s the tag to Kelly who does what is supposed to be a Thesz Press I think.  Kelly’s belt goes flying off and she gives whichever Bella that is a Stinkface.  Everything breaks down and the K2 ends let’s say Nikki at 2:56.  Just your typical Divas match with the looks being the only thing of note.

There’s a cookout in Nebraska.  No real reason for it being shown but it’s the second time we’ve seen it tonight.

Cole is in the ring to talk to Riley about his attack last week.  The Raw GM has apparently signed Alex Riley again.  We see the beatdown on Miz from last week.  Here’s Riley with his own theme song and a decent reaction from the crowd.  Cole yells at Riley about how he betrayed Miz after Miz had done so much for him.  What about Miz apparently?  Miz looked at Riley like a brother and Cole wants to know how Riley can do what he did to Miz last week.

Riley says he’s never felt better and Cole suggests Riley beg Miz for forgiveness.  Cole rants on him a bit more and Riley cuts him off.  Riley says Cole has a big mouth and is starting to get annoying just like Miz.  Cole calls Riley a bastard an Riley grabs him.  He of course takes too long and here’s Miz for the beatdown.  He looks manly in pink.  Miz tries to get a kick in but Riley takes him down.  Miz tries to run but Riley takes him down in the aisle and continues the beating.  Riley throws him onto the table and Miz runs into the crowd and out the door as Riley stands tall in the ring.

CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio

Ryan is with Punk here.  Cole can’t wait to tell us that a guy on American Idol wore a Punk shirt.  You know, for all the WWE fans that watch American Idol.  Punk takes over to start but gets caught in a kick to the chest and a headscissors.  Into the corner but Punk gets out of the way and sends Rey to the floor.  Rey gets on the apron but Ryan sends him into the post as we take a break.

Back with Punk holding Rey in something like a Gory Stretch for a bit.  Rey escapes but a headscissors is countered into a backbreaker for two.  Punk hammers away but Rey manages to dropkick him into 619 position.  CM hits the floor but Rey hits a suicide dive to send Punk over the announce table.  Back in Rey hits the seated senton and the springboard cross body for two.  A sweet pinning combination gets two.

Big spin kick misses and Punk gets another backbreaker for two.  Punk loads up the GTS but Rey counters into a rana to set up the 619.  Ryan blocks it so Rey dropkicks him to the floor.  Rey tries to skin the cat back in but Punk catches him in the GTS position.  Rey counters again but a big kick to the head is enough for Punk to pin him at 9:05.

Rating: B-. Pretty good match here as they let both guys do their thing.  Punk and Nexus’ push continues and it’s definitely not a bad thing.  Also seeing Rey lose is always a plus as it gets a good deal annoying to see him beat every single person he’s in there with.  Either way, good stuff here and Punk’s push continues, which is a good thing.

We get a clip of Austin on Jimmy Fallon.

Here’s Kharma to explain what happened last week.  Her voice is a lot softer than you would expect.  Her dream was to be a WWE Superstar (not Diva) and here she is.  She tried out for season 2 of Tough Enough and JR apparently told her she was too fat to be a Diva.  She went to Japan where she cleaned floors for training.  She went to every wrestling promotion in the world (no mention of TNA) before WWE called.

Her other dream was to be a mother.  She’ll be a mother because she is currently with child.  This is a high risk business and she can’t risk anything happening to her because it’s a high risk sport.  She’ll be back though.  Here are the Bellas to make fun of her.  They say they’re impressed that she found a guy to hook up with.  It must bother her to not be able to beat them up right now.  They make fat jokes and the Bellas try to run.  Kharma will be back in a year and she hopes they’ll still be here because then she has a new dream.  Her music plays her out.

We get the really stupid press conference promo on Capitol Punishment.  At least mix it up a bit.  I think this one is different but still, the joke is over.

Evan Bourne vs. Jack Swagger

Swagger hammers away to start but an attempt at a belly to back suplex puth both guys on the floor.  Back in and it’s all Swagger so far with him hammering away on the back of Bourne.  Rather slow match here but Bourne tries to speed things up a bit, only to walk into a sidewalk slam.  Swagger keeps smacking him in the head and seemingly wasting time.  And yep there it is as Bourne grabs a victory roll for the pin at 3:14.

Rating: C-. Just a quick match there to have Swagger mess up and continue this feud with Bourne.  I hope this leads to a face turn for Swagger as his character can only go so far as a heel.  He has the talent but they haven’t really gone anywhere with it.  Pretty much a nothing match but with 3 minutes what can they do?

Truth talks to himself some more.

Cena talks to Ryder who looks like he has something resembling the IC Title.

R-Truth vs. John Cena

We do get part of the segment to open the show from earlier tonight with working audio.  Cena’s music hits at 10:58 so this is going to be a pretty short match.  Cena sends him to the floor almost immediately and Truth rants at some fans.  Truth gets something going but is sent to the floor again where he runs his mouth some more.  They’re intentionally not having a ton of contact here.

There are the dueling chants as Cena gets going.  At least he’s not gone get got.  Cena takes him to the floor again and Cena gets frustrated.  Truth escapes the Attitude Adjustment and hits the crowd this time.  Cena goes after him but gets caught with a shot to the head and it’s a count out win for Truth at 4:00.

Rating: D+. Not even a match really as there might have been a total of 30 seconds of contact the entire time.  Still though they’re setting up for later on, likely with a PPV title match coming up.  If that’s the case then this is fine as the point was to not have them actually do anything yet.  Not even a match though so the grade means nothing really.

Truth goes back into the crowd and throws soda in the face of the fans from earlier.  Cena gives them his wristbands to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. This was a rather good show overall with the pacing being far better than it’s been in recent weeks and a good deal of wrestling to go with it.  Truth being all insane is a nice touch to his character as he’s playing that character to perfection.  A lot of stuff was advanced tonight and we got a high amount of wrestling too.  What more can you ask for?  Very solid show here indeed.

Results

Dolph Ziggler b. Kofi Kingston – Zig Zag

Kelly Kelly/Eve Torres b. Bella Twins – K2 to Nikki Bella

CM Punk b. Rey Mysterio – Kick to the head

Evan Bourne b. Jack Swagger – Victory Roll

R-Truth b. John Cena via countout

Smackdown
Date: May 27, 2011
Location: Spokane Veterans Memorial Arena, Spokane, Washington
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Josh Matthews

We’re past Over the Limit now and it should be interesting to see where this goes.  After the rather awesome Christian vs. Orton match it’s possible they could go for a third match there but at the same time Orton has won twice clean so maybe it’ll be time for someone else to step in.  Other than that though I’m really not sure what to expect as we gear up for Capitol Punishment.  Let’s get to it.

Do You Know Your Enemy?  TNA’s seems to be wrestling.

Here’s the champ to open the show.  He says he’s Randy Orton and he is still world heavyweight champion.  And that’s all he can get out because here’s Christian.  He doesn’t want to spoil Orton’s moment but Sunday was a great match so thanks and congratulations.  That’s what fruit baskets were invented for Christian.  The match could have gone either way but Christian knows he can beat him.  He wants to issue a challenge for one more match for the title.

Before we get an answer here’s Sheamus.  He wants to know how much Christian needs because he’s acting like an obsessive gambler.  Christian is going to have to wait another seventeen years because on Sunday he became a two time loser.  Sheamus however is a two time champion and he’s here to face guys like Orton for the title.  If anyone is becoming #1 contender, it’s him.

Cue Mark Henry because someone up there hates me.  Christian needs to join Edge on the retirement golf course and Sheamus needs to stop butting in.  As for Orton, Henry says he (Henry) has just butted his way to the front of the line for that championship.  Teddy comes out and asks the fans what they want to see.  They cheer the idea of Christian vs. Orton 3 but Teddy makes a triple threat for the #1 contender spot.

Sin Cara vs. Chavo Guerrero

The lights change again and it’s lost its luster I think.  Cole talks about Cara being ungrateful to Chavo and the other announcers blast him.  Chavo gets sent to the floor so Cara teases a dive.  Back in a double knee to the chest of Cara takes him down and a belly to back gets two.  Off to a key lock but an attempt at a Gory Special is blocked.  Cara sends him to the floor and hits a big old dive to take over again.

Springboard rana back in the ring by Cara and he adds a high angle reverse elbow off the middle rope as we speed things up.  Booker talked to Cara apparently and Cara is a big fan.  Top rope cross body gets two as Cole gets all sarcastic again.  The crowd thinks Chavo sucks as he avoids the Tajiri elbow.

Now we get to see what Cara was trying to get on Sunday as he comes around like a crucifix into a headscissors and then back around to Chavo’s shoulder.  Then he slams Chavo down almost into the position for a Crossface but it slams Chavo’s head into the mat for a pin at 4:46.  Not liking that one but it’s not bad I guess.

Rating: C. Far better than their match Sunday but they really need to do something with Cara already.  We can only watch him come in, do some high spots, get in trouble a bit and come back to win with whatever he finishes with that week so many times.  There’s no real story to any of his matches and no real point to what he does.  It’s not bad, but it’s gotten repetitive already, which isn’t good.  The dives are good enough to make something out of, but not in this format.

Cody Rhodes vs. Daniel Bryan

This is why I love the midcard stuff: there are so many combinations you can throw out there just like this one.  No Ted here.  Cody says if he didn’t know better he’d be convinced there’s no God because everywhere he goes he prays that he’ll see an attractive face but every time he’s disappointed.  He does the bagging thing and gets in a good line of “Shut up and bag yourselves!”  Bryan’s music cuts him off.

This is near Bryan’s hometown so he gets the big pop.  Bryan speeds things up to start us off and Cody actually tries some technical stuff with him.  Bryan is like dude just no and takes out the knees.  They trade hip toss attempts and Cody finally takes over, tossing Bryan to the floor as we take a break.  Back with Bryan making a comeback but getting caught with a kick between the legs to the stomach ala Hardcore Holly.

Cody throws on a Crossface Chickenwing (what is up with people using that move anymore) and calls a spot to Bryan.  He takes the hold to the mat in a full version and rams the mask into the back of Bryan’s head.  Bryan escapes and makes his comeback with strikes as Booker says this would be a breakout win for Bryan.  Even Cole corrects him so you can tell Booker screwed up there.

Bryan gets a missile dropkick for a long two.  Cody sends him into the middle buckle for two.  Bryan grabs a rollup for two.  This is moving as fast as it sounds.  In a SWEET spot, Bryan does his backflip out of the corner but Cody runs underneath him and hits his rope walking spin kick to take Bryan down.  Cross Rhodes is countered into the LeBell Lock (which Bryan put on a bit differently it seemed, twisting Cody’s forearm around too) for the tap out at 6:04 shown of 9:34.

Rating: B. I rather liked this.  It’s good to see Bryan get a win here as he could certainly be a solid midcard guy if not made to be a jobber.  Cody looked like he got caught rather than beaten which is a good way to end it for both guys, especially after a long and competitive match.  No complaints here at all as this was a quite good match.

Post match Cody beats up Bryan, hitting Cross Rhodes and giving him a paper bag.

Here’s the Obama press conference thing again.  It wasn’t funny the first time and it’s stupid by this point.

Heath Slater vs. Ezekiel Jackson

Booker goes WAY old school by mentioning the One Man Gang and Devastation Inc, saying Jackson is both.  He’s Inc?  As in I can buy stock in him?  Slater tries to use speed and that doesn’t work well in the slightest.  Jackson keeps throwing Slater around so Slater keeps charging at him.  Well he is from West Virginia.  Here come the slams and after only two of them there’s the Rack.  And there’s Corre for the DQ at 2:37.  I’d assume this will lead to a gimmick match of some kind…..gauntlet maybe?  Jackson fights them off this time.  Somehow they work bullying into this.  I’m so fed up with that I’m out of jokes for it.

Christian says he was the last one picked for kickball but at the end of the game he’d kick more home runs that anyone.  Apparently he was a Canadian Kickball Champion four times in a row.  He was the last one of his friends to hit puberty but when he hit prom he had the prettiest girlfriend in the school.  He was also the last person anyone thought would reach the top of WWE but he did it, and he’s going to do it again.  I’d have put that on someone like Shawn Stasiak but ok.

Great Khali vs. Kane

Before the match we get a recap of Jinder Mahal smacking Khali last week and making him all evil again.  Singh is here again this week.  This is billed as the Monsters’ Brawl.  Khali overpowers him to start, taking him into the corner.  He chokes away, kind of wrestling heel here.  Off to the nerve hold as I guess 1:40 of action was too much for Khali.  That’s getting into Dusty territory there.  Big chop misses and they both grab for chokeslams.  Khali sends him to the floor but Kane guillotines him on the top rope and the flying clothesline ends this at 2:33.  No rating but this was pretty bad, even for a battle of the giants.

Mahal comes out again, this time with music that is similar to Khali’s original song.  He yells at Khali more and smacks him before going after Singh.  Khali defends his brother but then puts the vice grip on Singh. Khali is a bully now.  For the love of all things good and holy, FIND SOMETHING NEW TO MAKE PEOPLE HEELS!

We get a clip from Raw of Show being injured.  Apparently he’s going to need several weeks of rehab.

Booker is in the ring, complete with some theme music.  He wants Cole to get into the ring which Cole begrudgingly does.  Booker wants to talk about the Kiss My Foot match and we get a clip of the toe being in his mouth.  Booker says he was just playing and puts his arm around an annoyed Cole.  He starts a Kiss My Feet chant and that’s it for this segment.  Uh yeah…because this warranted TV time.

Sheamus doesn’t want to answer Striker’s questions but says he’s tired of hearing about Christian winning the title and Henry has won a total of nothing since he’s been here.  Sheamus won his first world title in a few months, which is very true.

After a clip of Kharma’s breakdown on Raw, it’s time for a tag match.

Alicia Fox/Tamina vs. AJ/Kaitlyn

AJ!!!  Seriously, that girl is too cute for words.  Natalya is with the NXT chicks.  We get an inset clip of them talking as Kaitlyn doesn’t like Tamina/Alicia because there are too many A’s in their names.  AJ vs. Alicia to start us off and that doesn’t last long as it’s off to Kaitlyn.  She’s downright passable in the ring now which is a miracle by comparison.  Kaitlyn gets a side slam for two and everything breaks down.  Never mind though as Alicia gets the axe kick to Kaitlyn and we’re done at 1:37.  That was the only major move the heels hit the entire time.

Henry says he’ll win and he’s NOT boring or irrelevant.

Macho Man tribute video.  That’s the only one that has ever gotten to me.

Sheamus vs. Mark Henry vs. Christian

Winner gets Orton next week apparently and not at Capitol Punishment.  Booker picks Sheamus.  Everyone goes at it at once to start but the monsters take Christian down quickly.  Cole is being a jerk again here and picks Sheamus also.  The double teaming continues but Christian slides to the floor.  Sheamus goes after him but is sent into the steps.  I’ll give him this: Sheamus isn’t a cowardly heel.  That’s a big plus for him.

Henry takes over on Christian with his basic variety of move, standing on his chest.  The referee can be heard saying he can’t break it because there are no rules and therefore no counting.  Sheamus pops back in and rolls up Christian for two as Henry is knocked down to the floor.  Sheamus sets for the Brogue Kick but Christian hits the Killswitch out of nowhere, only for Henry to make the save.

Here comes Orton after about three and a half minutes and we take a break.  Back with Henry pounding on Christian.  Josh makes an interesting comment that this is Henry and Christian against Sheamus.  Bear hug to the Canadian but Sheamus comes back in.  The monsters go at it until Henry grabs a belly to belly and heaves Sheamus back out to the floor.  Cool looking move.

Christian is taken down by Henry just ramming into him which gets two.  Christian avoids a drop down and hits a pair of middle rope dropkicks to take the big fat tub of goo down.  Sheamus pops up to take Christian down off the top and then hammers on Sheamus.  He’s an equal opportunity heel I guess.  Christian and Sheamus hammer away at each other on the top and down goes the pale one, but Christian jumps into a World’s Strongest Slam for two.

Booker says we’re like 18 minutes into this.  By my math it’s more like 12 but when has wrestling ever had adequate watches?  Henry is sent to the floor and the High Cross (name changed again) is countered into a pendulum kick.  Tornado DDT gets two.  Henry takes out Orton for no apparent reason but gets sent into Sheamus by Christian.  Spear takes down Sheamus but Orton comes in for an RKO to Henry.  The distraction lets Sheamus kick out and Christian yells at the referee just long enough to let Sheamus kick his head off for the pin at 11:38 shown of 15:08.

Rating: B-. Not too bad here as they kept Sheamus kind of in the middle and gave us a nice surprise at the end.  This not being for the PPV title shot is a nice touch as it’ll probably set up Christian running in to set up Christian vs. Orton III at Capitol Punishment.  Either way, not bad at all here with a decent triple threat match, even though I’m beyond sick of them.

Overall Rating: B. I liked it here as Smackdown continues their no nonsense road (more often than not) which works rather well.  A key thing to Smackdown: their pacing is great.  You never go more than about five minutes between matches and even though they’re short, they all have a point and address something else.  They had six matches, same as Impact, two of which didn’t last two minutes, and yet they had more wrestling and nothing stupid.  It’s the difference in how you run a TV show and the differences are striking.  Pretty good show but not great here, as is usual for Smackdown.

Results

Sin Cara b. Chavo Guerrero – Headscissors into a mat slam

Daniel Bryan b. Cody Rhodes – LeBell Lock

Ezekiel Jackson b. Heath Slater via DQ when Corre interfered

Kane b. Great Khali – Top rope clothesline

Alicia Fox/Tamina b. AJ/Kaitlyn – Axe kick to Kaitlyn

Sheamus b. Christian and Mark Henry – Brogue Kick to Christian

Impact Wrestling
Date: May 26, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

It’s the second week of Impact Wrestling and hopefully tonight we’ll have a bit more actual wrestling rather than last week when there was as much on a regular episode of Impact.  Anyway we’re also going to have some more advance in the Sting vs. Anderson feud as last week Anderson laid the champion out.  Also if I remember right we’re going to get Hogan and Foley again tonight which is rather fun.  Anyway, let’s get to it.

An opening graphic says in memory of Randy Savage.  Classy.

Sting talks about being champion and we get a clip of Anderson jumping him last week as the old Sting.

We actually start with a match, called a tag team competition by Christy.

Tommy Dreamer/Bully Ray vs. Christopher Daniels/AJ Styles

This is a street fight.  Tonight there’s going to be something called the Scorpion Sitdown which is Sting’s interview segment.  AJ is still in a neckbrace so he can barely move here.  This is a smaller one though and looks like a big pad.  We start on the floor in a big brawl.  Ray vs. Daniels is going on at ringside while Dreamer and AJ head into the crowd.  AJ manages to throw Dreamer off a small balcony and dives on him to take out both guys.  Daniels busts out some weapons in the ring and beats Ray down with them.

BME eats a boot as at least AJ is back at ringside.  Rock Bottom gets two for Ray but he walks into a Pele.  Dreamer is back in the ring also.  The neck brace comes off as Immortal takes over.  Neckbreaker hits for Ray and Dreamer adds one of his own.  Daniels is still down so this is more or less open season on AJ.  Daniels goes down again as they keep showing replays.  Daniels gets back in time to break up a spike Piledriver and kills Ray with a kendo stick.  Spike Piledriver with Daniels doing the spiking ends Dreamer at 5:00.

Rating: C. Not bad for a brawl here but how weak does Immortal look when they can’t even beat a guy with a bad neck after working on his neck?  Anyway not bad but I kind of wonder what the point is in having AJ doing an injury angle when he can wrestle through it without any real issues.  Either way, nice to start off with a match.

Hogan is here.

Time for the Scorpion Sitdown and it’s Anderson as Sting.  Nothing like a talking segment on a WRESTLING show right?  Anderson says that it’s a sitdown because he’s too old to wrestle.  Remember that he’s talking as Sting.  His guest: Disco Inferno.  He’s a guy that was with Sting throughout WCW despite them never interacting that I remember.  Disco doesn’t get why he’s here but he’ll tell Anderson the truth about Sting.

Anderson randomly shouts during Disco’s talk and Disco gets ticked off at him.  Disco says that whether you liked Sting or not, he commanded respect.  Everyone grew up loving him and that’s all there is to it.  Anderson gets all annoyed and says that Disco is here to bury Sting and that’s the entire point.  Disco wants to know why Anderson is a jerk.  He even says it into the mic and gets up.  And there’s a Mic to the head and a Mic Check to Disco.  The real Sting comes off to run Anderson off.

Eric Young, still with the TV Title, goes into a bathroom and Gunner jumps him but Young has an idea.  Young will lay down tonight and Gunner will get the TV Title belt back while Young will get his old world title back.  Young leaves and Gunner calls him an idiot.

Velvet calls out ODB, saying she’s got a little explaining to do.  Well she looks better than Desi Arnaz.  ODB comes out and says Velvet got her fired last year.  Velvet says she’s worked her way here and ODB says she’s gotten here on her back.  Since Velvet hasn’t ever even been Knockouts Champion she must not be that good in the sack.  ODB drills her and the beating is on.  Velvet more or less runs and Velvet still doesn’t get what’s going on.

Video on RVD vs. Angle tonight which they’re trying to make seem like a huge level match.

Back from a break and we recap the ending to last week’s show with Roode having his arm destroyed by Immortal.

Beer Money is in Bischoff’s office and the doctor says Roode is kind of iffy about being able to wrestle.  They have a tag title match at Slammiversary and it’s 30 days for a defense so if the titles aren’t defended the belts will be stripped.  Storm says it’s a torn pectoral so he won’t be cleared in three weeks.  Bischoff has to know by the end of next week and says he might appoint a replacement.  Bischoff suggests that the Hillbilly Jesus (Storm) go get some manure and put it on Roode’s arm to heal it.  Storm threatens Bischoff and Bischoff says do it and you’ll never work again.  The champs leave and that’s that.

We actually get a clip from Xplosion where Pope hit on D-Von’s wife and D-Von wasn’t happy with it.  Pope says D-Von needs to chill.

Angle is with Morgan in the back as I guess wrestling matters so much they’re afraid to have any of it in case it gets wasted.  Angle says watch out for Karen.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Matt Morgan

I guess the competition thing is going to be a regular thing.  Supposed to sound real perhaps?  Karen is on crutches and looks very good in blue.  Before the match Jeff grabs a chair to give Karen something to sit in.  Earl doesn’t like it and throws Karen out.  Oh wait he’s allowing Karen to sit but she has to sit at the end of the ramp.  Jeff gets a thumb to the eye very early and hits a top rope cross body for two.

That goes nowhere and it’s time for the elbows in the corner to give Morgan control.  Side slam gets two.  Carbon Footprint misses in the corner and Jeff works on the leg.  Fallaway Slam gets two as another cross body doesn’t work.  Karen comes down to ringside as Morgan gets a Michinoku Driver of all things for two.

And never mind as Karen gives him the crutch and a shot with that sets up the Stroke for only two.  Thought that was the ending.  Jeff jumps into a chokeslam but Morgan instead shifts into an atomic drop.  Carbon Footprint hits but Karen hits Hebner in the knee with the crutch.  Scott Steiner comes in and hits a Downward Spiral to Morgan and that’s good for the pin at 3:06.  Dang it I have to rate it.

Rating: D+. More or less nothing here but the nice little swerve there was pretty good as I thought the Stroke would end it.  Steiner vs. Morgan is nothing I’m fired up about seeing as it seems like a step down for Morgan as he was talking about wanting the world title.  Either way though, not a terrible match but WAY too short with way too much going on in just three minutes.

We recap Foley being revealed as Network Executive and Bischoff going after the X-Division last week.

Bischoff is in the ring and is all smiley.  Apparently Hogan had a great week with the network last week in New York as Bischoff predicted.  Here’s Hogan who is the leader of Impact Wrestling apparently.  Hogan says that the Network has given him authority to run this show.  Oh joy.  He pitched a bunch of ideas to the executives so now they think he’s a genius.  Hogan wants to talk about Bischoff for a minute because he’s proud of what Bischoff did to the X-Division.

Here’s Foley who doesn’t need an invitation apparently because he’s a network executive.  All Hogan did was tick the Network off apparently because after Hogan left, Foley explained that the X Division put it on the map and we’re going to expand it.  He’s going to go around the world finding new X-Division talent for an Ultimate X match.  Oh and Foley has power regarding PPV because they promote the PPVs.  Wouldn’t that give them control over all of the companies that advertise on Spike TV?

Hogan says Foley should do something for the X-Division tonight, like challenge for the X-Division Title.  Bischoff gets WAY too excited about that but before Foley can answer here’s Brian Kendrick and his X buddies.  He talks in his poetic speak and more or less asks for Foley’s title shot tonight.  They’re here to get rid of the reptilians that have acquired power apparently.  This was very tedious to say the least.

Winter is rubbing Angelina’s back and says that everything is about to change and they’re going to fulfill the promise they made to each other in another lifetime.  I shutter to think where this is going to go.

Winter vs. Mickie James

Non-Title here.  Tenay acknowledges that the Winter/Angelina thing goes back centuries, which makes me think this is going to get very stupid very fast.  Northern Lights Suplex gets two for Winter as she takes over.  Scratch that as Mickie gets a snapmare and a seated dropkick to set up a rana out of the corner.  Flapjack sets up a nipup and after countering the spin out Rock Bottom Mickie hits the jumping DDT for the pin at 2:18.  No rating due to shortness but this was just a step ahead of a squash.

Angelina destroys Mickie post match due to Winter having some blood on her chin.

Abyss says he’s going to destroy Kendrick tonight.  He’s reading Art of War again and has Janice with him.  Someone with long hair that we can’t see jump him.  Oh it’s Kaz and he takes Janice with him.

X-Division Title: Brian Kendrick vs. Abyss

Abyss is all banged up due to the attack by Kaz.  Kendrick dives through the ropes with a kick that kind of hits to get us going.  Abyss charges into the steps and we go into the ring.  Amazingly enough they actually reference Abyss being a former world champion and say he’s the second Grand Slam winner.  I haven’t heard them reference that reign in years.

Abyss takes over and crushes Kendrick in the corner with an avalanche.  The beatdown commences but Kendrick counters a gorilla press slam and fires off some dropkicks.  Missile dropkick puts him down for two.  Brian goes up again but gets knocked off as Abyss hits the ropes.  Black Hole Slam and we’re done at 4:13.

Rating: D+. Not much here at all as Kendrick looks like a jobber all over again.  I guess we’re waiting on some savior of the X-Division to pop up, which might be AJ or Kaz.  Either way, something tells me Abyss is going to be champion and destroy random people for a few weeks to come.  Not horrible, but really nothing here at all.

Abyss rants about the Art of War some more.

Same RVD vs. Angle video from earlier.

Angle says the main event is a big match.

TV Title: Eric Young vs. Gunner

Young has the title itself because Gunner stole back the wrong belt last week.  I guess the whole “one is black and one is red” thing is too hard to keep track of.  They reenact the Fingerpoke of Doom but Young rolls him up for the pin and the title at 32 seconds.  Whatever man, whatever.

The Jarretts come out for the main event on commentary.

Rob Van Dam vs. Kurt Angle

We also get big match intros to kill even more time.  Jeff talks about how RVD is his handpicked opponent as RVD kicks Angle to the floor.  RVD hammers away but walks into a suplex.  A snap variety gets two for Kurt and we hit a reverse grip to waste some time.  They majority of this match is spent on a split screen so we can see the Jarretts talk while the wrestlers lay around.  RVD gets his top rope kick for two.  Angle gets a slam and both guys go down.

There’s been more laying around in this match than actual wrestling.  Ankle lock goes on and RVD is thinking about tapping.  He kicks out of it but the Five Star misses.  Angle Slam actually gets the fall on the first attempt at 7:36.  Yes, this epic five star first time ever main event didn’t even make it 8 minutes and is the longest match of the night so far.  Give me a break.

Rating: C-. This was built up as being an epic match and it was about 8 minutes of them laying around pretending that this was a huge match.  The camera was on the Jarretts about half the match which isn’t helping anyone at all.  Weak main event and the proper ending to one of the worst shows I can remember in a very long time.

Overall Rating: F+. I absolutely could not stand this show.  The wrestling was bad, nothing really was advanced, and the whole wrestling matters concept was more or less thrown out completely.  This was a terribly dull show as they had forty minutes between the first two matches and twenty between the second and third.  There’s no reason to have them just talk that entire time.  The main event was just ok after all that buildup and that doesn’t make up for two hours of nonsense before it.  Terrible show with more or less nothing happening at all.  The longest match was 7:36.  Let that sink in for a bit.

Results

Christopher Daniels/AJ Styles b. Bully Ray/Tommy Dreamer – Spike Piledriver to Dreamer

Jeff Jarrett b. Matt Morgan – Pin after a Downward Spiral from Scott Steiner

Mickie James b. Winter – Jumping DDT

Abyss b. Brian Kendrick – Black Hole Slam

Eric Young b. Gunner – Small Package

Kurt Angle b. Rob Van Dam – Angle Slam