Monday Night Raw
Date: March 21, 2011
Location: CONSOL Energy Center, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Jerry Lawler

With less than two weeks to go before Wrestlemania it’s pretty clear that the card is set.  That being said, it now means that the TV is probably going to get dull as all we have is padding for the upcoming PPV.  I’m not looking for a lot on the next two weeks and next week in particular.  Nothing that I can think of is announced for tonight, so let’s get to it.

We open with Good Old…..Michael Cole in a fat suit with his ankle taped and a bottle of barbecue sauce.  It took the crowd a bit to get the idea but they finally boo the heck out of him.  Cole has cotton in his mouth to simulate Ross’ voice issues.  Funny stuff.

HHH opens us up properly.  His entrances might take longer than Undertaker’s if that’s possible.  HHH talks about how this is the biggest match of his career and how people are finally talking about the match with the signs like 19-0 and 18-1.  He actually says the Streak is bigger than any championship.  I’m kind of surprised to hear that.  HHH wants Undertaker to be here next week for a staredown.  He talks about Taker’s song and that once the Streak is over, Taker is done and that at Mania Undertaker will rest in peace.  Weak promo indeed.

HHH starts to leave but here’s…..Ted DiBiase?  As in Junior.  What the heck does he think he’s doing here?  He talks about how last year he was a rising star and now he’s just another guy.  What would happen if he took out HHH right now on live TV?  Well at least he knows he means nothing.  DiBiase gets in a few shots but winds up getting beaten down to the shock of no one.  HHH beats on DiBiase with a chair and I guess this is to show how ruthless he is.  Pedigree through the announce table and DiBiase is dead.

Cena will be here via satellite tonight.  Oh there are a ton of jokes there.

Miz will be rewriting “Miz-Tory” tonight.  Ok then.

Evan Bourne vs. Sheamus

This is non-title I think and is happening due to Bourne getting that quick win a few weeks back.  Total Sheamus dominance to start us off here but Bourne gets a kick to put Sheamus down.  Since almost the only move he has is the Shooting Star he tries that and misses.  Brogue Kick ends this in 1:24.

Sheamus says he’s the new US Champion and is awesome.  Bryan comes out and wants his rematch at Mania.  Sheamus kicks him in the head and leaves him laying.  Gee remember a few weeks ago when so many people said Sheamus got buried and I said you were wrong and it wasn’t a burial?  Care to say that you all ran your mouths now and have no idea what you’re talking about?  Go ahead.  Anytime now.

It’s Wrestlemania Rewind tonight with Orton vs. Mysterio vs. the invisible and unnamed Kurt Angle apparently.

Back with Orton getting off a bus and having some interviewer asking him how he’s doing.  Orton talks about being on the bus and liking having his family with him and that he loves watching the video of him punting Nexus over and over again.  All we really get out of this is that he has a bus.  And I’m sure Punk isn’t going to do anything to that bus later.  Not a thing.

Maryse vs. Eve Torres

Non title again as I guess Maryse is heel on Raw and face on NXT.  She gets slapped down as this is about as riveting as you would expect it to be.  After nothing of note is going on, Cole AGAIN interrupts them on the mic and says he has something else to announce tonight that is special and we need to get this match over with.  Standing moonsault to Maryse gets knees but she hits a spinning neckbreaker to end it at 2:20.  Eve goes after Cole and his security takes her out.

Back with Corre in the ring as the tag champions are on Raw for once.  We get a clip from Smackdown of Corre beating the tar out of Kane and Big Show which was nowhere near as epic as they were trying to make it out to be.

Justin Gabriel/Heath Slater vs. Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov

It’s not a good sign that I had the non-champions names written in before their music hit because they’re the Raw face tag team.  Gabriel vs. Santino to start and Santino wants the Cobra.  He gets his head kicked off instead and it’s off to Slater for the chinlock.  Off to Kozlov as Barrett gets involved.  Slater gets a reverse DDT and the 450 ends this at 1:47.  Total squash.

Show and Kane come down for the save post match.  They clean house and leave Corre laying, including Jackson after a double chokeslam.  I’m guessing this will be at Mania somehow as all four faces stand mostly tall.

Cena’s interview is up next.

Back and we recap Miz destroying Cena to end last week and the last few weeks’ worth of shows.

Cena says that he’s injured and it’s because of Miz. Miz is impressive and deserves to be champion. This is serious Cena here and it’s rather short with one major thing being said: Rock and Cena in the same ring next week. They had to do it sooner or later, but I would have waited until Wrestlemania. Give the fans something very important to see.

Cole’s announcement is up next.

Back with Cole and Swagger running around the ring.  Swagger goes out in front of the announce table (which has been repaired after HHH broke it) and Cole talks about last week with Brian being here, which we get a clip of.  Apparently Brian Christopher sent Cole a gift: the Lawler Family Photo Album.

We get some pictures of Lawler’s father with Cole saying what Lawler’s father is thinking.  Naturally they’re all insults.  Cole says he went to Memphis this week and found out that Lawler and Lawler’s father are very similar: they’re both bullies that back down when someone puts them in their place, like Cole is going to do at Mania.  Lawler has Swagger two feet in front of him which is why he hasn’t charged the ring yet.

Cole calls the Lawler family a bunch of losers and Lawler snaps.  He beats up Swagger a bit and goes after Cole but Swagger gets up and beats him down.  Cole hides in the box and Swagger shoves Lawler’s face into the box while Swagger keeps insulting him.  Ankle lock goes on as does the AnCole Lock (and no I’m not making that name up) which Lawler taps to.  Mad heat on Cole and Swagger as we go to a break.  The build for this has been awesome to say the least.

Mania hype video which is pretty good.  Hard to believe it’s only 13 days away.

Cole apologizes for no apparent reason at all.

That transitions us to talking about…..Snooki.  DAng it.  It’s a recap plus all the media talking about this match and trying to use wrestling lingo while sounding like imbeciles.

Dolph Ziggler vs. John Morrison

Laycool and Vickie are with Dolph and Trish is with Morrison.  Ziggler takes him down to start but Morrison goes all angry.  That gets him caught in a neckbreaker for two to take him down.  Morrison gets going and hits a dropkick.  Michelle stops him from diving over the top and Trish fights off Laycool.  Trish winds up in the ring and it’s E-Mail time.  It’s now a 4-2 handicap match with Laycool/Vickie/Ziggler vs. Trish/Morrison which starts after the break.

Dolph Ziggler/Laycool/Vickie Guerrero vs. Trish Stratus/John Morrison

Back with the guys going at it.  Off to Trish and Layla who both look great.  Michelle kicks Trish in the back to shift the momentum and bring in the tall blonde.  I think she got tagged twice but whatever.  Knee to Trish’s head as Trish’s pants seem to be falling a bit.  Back off to Layla as Trish plays Ricky Morton for awhile.  Off to Vickie who misses a drop and it’s off to the men again.  The girls fight elsewhere while Morrison misses Starship Pain.  He gets sent into the post and Ziggler adds a Zig Zag.  Vickie gets the pin at 4:00 shown.

Rating: C. With the girls looking that good out there it’s really hard to say this wasn’t good.  They’re trying to build up Snooki as the X factor here which is what she probably should do at the end of the day.  Nothing too bad here but nothing great, so average sounds like a good grade for it.  The ending was fine and no, Morrison isn’t being buried.

Sin Cara video.  I was a bit underwhelmed the first time I saw this but the more I see it the more I want to see him.

Various stars and legends talk about HHH vs. Undertaker.  The weakest name in there is probably Morrison so they’re having a lot of big names in there.  Guys like Race, Ross, Lawler, Cena, Arn Anderson and Austin talk about it.  Shawn says nothing lasts forever.  Arn says it’s like winning 18 Super Bowls in a row.  Not really but we’ll go with that.

Rey Mysterio vs. Randy Orton

Mysterio’s entrance is after the break.  Back and we see the Orton bus clip from earlier but the audio is messed up.  Rey is in the black and yellow for the Steelers color scheme.  He takes Orton down to his knees but the equally tall from there Orton gets a European uppercut to take Rey down.  Orton does an evil look and throws Rey to the floor.

Back in and Orton’s knee drop gets two.  Rey fights back and gets the seated senton for two.  Orton might have had a chance to block it if he hadn’t been falling down before the move hit.  Orton tries the elevated DDT but Rey counters with something like a slingshot through Orton’s legs which is one of the only counters that I’ve ever seen that was somewhat realistic.  Orton blocks the 619 and hits the DDT.

Orton preps for the RKO but Punk pops up on the screen.  He’s in front of the tour bus from earlier and says he can’t wait to meet Orton’s wife.  Orton sprints to the back (we’ll say the match ended there, meaning it ended at 3:45) and gets jumped by Punk who hits Randy in the knee with a wrench.  Punk says Orton won’t be punting anyone at Mania.  “Now ain’t that a kick in the head.”

HHH and Undertaker will be face to face next week.

Rock will be live next week.

Alex Riley is in the ring which has a red carpet now.  Apparently he’s been rehired (presumably by Miz) as Vice President of Corporate Communications.  He introduces Miz who apparently was the best man at Riley’s wedding.  Miz talks about how people used to come from miles around to see Muhammad Ali and Michael Jordan perform and now people come to see Miz.

It’s his time now and while there have been Rock imitators over the years, his impression was the best.  He has more charisma than Shawn Michaels, is more dominant than Andre the Giant and is more intelligent than Rock and Cena combined.  He says that tonight he rewrites “Miztory” and he takes the mic cube off.  He holds it up and turns it upside down, making an M.

Behind him is a table with a sheet over it.  He and Riley pull it off to reveal the WWE Title with the W flipped upside down to make an M.  That’s the new title design apparently.  He hits the catchphrase and Cena pops up on the screen.  He points out that that’s kind of lame, which it is.  Cena says that the WWE Universe knows he’s not invincible and that they also know you shouldn’t make him mad.

Cena has a surprise for them.  Some people in Pittsburgh Penguins shirts pop up and take apart his walls, revealing that he’s really in the arena.  He didn’t lie when he said he was at home, because his home is here with the fans, just like he’s been for 9 years.  Points for being creative there at least.  Miz and Riley beat him down for awhile but Cena fights back.  Miz runs and Riley gets caught in the STF a few times.  Miz comes back but doesn’t come to the ring.  Cena’s music plays us out.

Overall Rating: D+. Yes this was a show based on building for the PPV but it was still pretty boring.  There was an extreme lack of wrestling which is understandable but it doesn’t make it any more interesting.  Not a horrible show but not a good one to say the least.  Rock is going to help next week but I can’t imagine it being anything great.

Results

Sheamus b. Evan Bourne – Brogue Kick

Eve Torres b. Maryse – Spinning Neckbreaker

Justin Gabriel/Heath Slater b. Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov – 450 to Kozlov

John Morrison vs. Dolph Ziggler went to a no contest when Laycool and Trish Stratus interfered

Dolph Ziggler/Vickie Guerrero/Laycool b. John Morrison/Trish Stratus – Guerrero pinned Morrison after a Zig Zag from Ziggler

Randy Orton vs. Rey Mysterio went to a no contest when Orton left the ring

Smackdown
Date: March 18, 2011
Location: Sprint Center, Kansas City, Missouri
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Booker T

Tonight we have another Edge and Christian reunion, but this time they get a shot at the Corre and the tag titles.  I really hope they don’t go with the switch here as it means the Corre gets them back in a screwy finish later, making them 4 time tag champions.  This is what people talk about when they say the titles have been devalued over the years.  Other than that there isn’t much to talk about.  Let’s get to it.

I don’t know my enemy this week.  I think TNA’s enemy is wrestling though after having less than nine and a half minutes of it on their show last night.

Wait now Big Show and Kane get the title shot?  They completely changed that from Monday.  I’m sure they said Edge and Christian got the shot.  Well at least they told us early.  That….helps kind of I guess.

Cole has his box made and here he comes to Burn It To The Ground.

Edge vs. Brodus Clay

Big pop for Edge but the pyro doesn’t go off for some reason.  Del Rio and Ricardo are with Clay here.  Edge has to stick and move here but he jumps into the T-Bone overhead suplex to shift the momentum.  Brodus works the arm and even adds an old school Heart Punch.  Tornado DDT by Edge doesn’t work and a clothesline takes him down.  The splash misses but Edge can’t get the Edgecution

A top rope cross body puts Brodus down and tries a sunset flip.  Clay uses the old school counter of just sits down on him.  I’ve always loved that counter and it gets two here.  The Umaga hips to the head in the corner misses and here comes the spear.  Ricardo distracts the referee and Del Rio grabs Edge’s foot so that Brodus can run him over for two.  The crowd is into this.  Christian comes out to even the odds and the distraction is enough for Edge to hit the spear on Clay for the pin at 5:08.

Rating: C+. This is what we need more of on Fridays.  It wasn’t anything great but little five minute matches like these are long enough to get into but not long enough to get bored with.  Edge looks good, Clay gets to show off a bit, and the storyline keeps going.  What more can you ask for in just over five minutes?

Del Rio and Christian brawl post match until referees break it up.  Teddy comes out to make the obvious main event, but it’s in a steel cage.  That’s much better than the tin foil cage I guess.

Sheamus vs. Kofi Kingston

You mean Kofi has another meaningless match with no particular reason to it happening?  I’m STUNNED.  Sheamus grabs the arm to start as Booker questions Kofi’s decision to take this match.  Cole gets on Booker for it as Kofi gets his jumping punches in the corner.  That results in him taking a hot shot into the corner for two.  Neckbreaker gets the same.  Sheamus hits a running elbow and tries another neckbreaker which is reversed into a rollup for two.

Sheamus rolls through the top rope cross body but his powerslam attempt is reversed into some strikes by Kofi.  Then African/Jamaican hits the Irishman with a Russian leg sweep for two.  Boom Drop takes too long and Sheamus I think pokes him in the eye to take over.  SOS gets two and it looked like Sheamus got his head rocked a bit on that.

Out to the floor we go with Kofi being all fired up.  Kofi comes after him so Sheamus kicks the steps into knee of Kofi to send him down again.  Back inside and the Brogue Kick ends this clean at 5:15.  When is the last time Kofi actually won a match?  I actually can’t remember at all.

Rating: B-. Another solid match here that gives us some wrestling to fill out the show.  You have two upper midcard guys going at it and you get a decent TV match out of it.  I’ve long since thought the key to having a solid show at times is just to go out and wrestle.  If you’re having issues, do that and it’ll get fixed.  Smackdown has been lacking a bit lately but the first half hour or so have my attention so far.

We recap Kane/Show vs. Corre which is freaking dull.  Show and Kane want to put their differences aside.  Show reminds Kane of how they dominated as tag champions and says they should do it again.  Kane grabs him by the throat and Show does the same to Kane.  They both laugh and Kane says Show completes him.  At least there aren’t any cheerleaders to take them down this time.

Trent Barreta vs. Cody Rhodes

New music for Cody this week.  He also has a towel over his head tonight.  Cole talks about having breakfast with Cody this morning and Cody being treated badly because of his looks now.  Rhodes is in street clothes again and we’re in a squash people.  Cody gets a headbutt with the mask and Trent is in trouble.  Another headbutt and we’re done in 48 seconds.

We get a clip of Christian being injured by Del Rio.

Shawn talks about Undertaker to waste a few minutes.  Same video from Raw.

Layla vs. Kelly Kelly

Well at least we get to see Kelly in those shorts.  Michelle is on commentary and makes fun of Snooki for doing nothing.  I guess we’re continuing with the Paris Hilton stuff.  Kelly gets the headscissors over the ropes and a Thesz Press to hammer away.  Why do so many people use that anymore?  Handspring elbow runs into two feet in the corner to give Layla control.  Kelly gets on the middle rope and Michelle yells at her.  The distraction is enough for Layla to pull her off the rope and pin her at 2:10.

Tag Titles: Big Show/Kane vs. Heath Slater/Justin Gabriel

Gabriel and Kane start us off and guess how that goes for the champion to start here.  Off to Slater who runs in and gets knocked down with one punch.  Side slam gets two.  Slater gets a dropkick to the knee and it’s off to Gabriel again.  Ok make that Slater as the champion are tagging in and out very quickly.  Gabriel jumps  into an uppercut and down he goes.  Off to Show and the beating continues.  Chokeslam to Slater but Gabriel pulls the referee out for the DQ at 2:43.  Is anyone really surprised here?

Jackson and Barrett come in to stop a worse beating post match.  Barrett actually hits Wasteland on Show.  They beat down Kane also.  The steps are put on Kane and the other steps are dropped onto the steps onto Kane.  The table is taken apart a bit and is dropped on Show.  The big guys are left laying here.  Cole tries to play this off as big and epic but it wasn’t for the most part.

Del Rio says everyone is trying to interfere with his destiny.  He’s not an animal.

Jack Swagger vs. Chris Masters

No entrance for Masters so what do you expect here?  We get clips from Raw with Ross and Lawler getting beaten down.  The hold Swagger taught Cole is the An-Cole Lock.  I give up.  Swagger works on the arm but takes a Samoan Drop.  Full Nelson is blocked by ramming Chris into the corner.  Ankle lock is reversed also and Swagger hits the floor.  He pulls Masters down though and wraps the leg around the post.  Ankle lock ends it at 1:56.

Post match Cole comes in and puts the ankle lock on Masters also.  Cole shouts COME ON LAWLER and does Swagger’s run around the ring.

WWE Rewind is the Dusty/Cody/Rey segment from three weeks ago.

Rey Mysterio vs. Ted DiBiase

Maryse is called Ted’s on again/off again girlfriend.  That would hint towards her face actions on NXT which is good I think.  Shame she’s not in camouflage though.  Rey tries his speed stuff so DiBiase hammers away on him.  Rey tries coming off the middle rope but jumps into a dropkick for two.  The following clothesline gets two.  Off to the chinlock now as Rey hasn’t been on offense at all here.

A couple knees to the back have Rey in trouble again.  Rey tries a headscissors and spins into what I think was a DDT.  Some ranas by Rey with the second one being countered into a reverse powerbomb.  That’s a great finisher for someone to use.  Dream Street is countered into the 619 position.  That and the top rope splash ends it at 3:35.

Rating: C-. Just a TV match here but nothing very interesting.  DiBiase is flat out boring and there was no threat at all to Rey here.  Granted I don’t think there was supposed to be so I guess that was the point.  Pretty bland match here that doesn’t really tell us anything we didn’t already know.

Maryse leaves without DiBiase.

We get a clip of the Edge/Christian/Alberto stuff from Elimination Chamber.

We see the Snooki stuff from Raw.  I can’t stand that show and people like her (meaning people that have no talent yet are millionaires for being loud or getting drunk).

We run down the Mania card.  I can’t believe it but there’s no long video from Raw.

The cage is lowered.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Christian

Lot of time for this too.  No word on how you can win here so I’d assume pin, submission and escape.  Christian is all ticked off here.  Josh confirms that you can win through those three ways.  Killswitch is blocked early on.  The announcers are really playing up this being the first cage match for Alberto.  He tries to get out but Christian stops him and they fight on the top rope for a bit.  German off the top doesn’t work for Alberto but the visual was awesome.

Christian tries to get out but Del Rio hits a vertical suplex from the top of the cage.  Not quite Hogan/Boss Man but not bad.  With both guys down we take a break.  Back with Del Rio hammering away and sending a charging Christian into the cage.  Alberto gets two and we hit the chinlock.  After slamming Christian’s head into the mat, Del Rio goes up.

Christian grabs the leg and Alberto hits the top rope throat first.  He blocks being rammed into the cage and a reverse DDT gets two.  Del Rio is sent into the cage for two.  Christian goes up and gets knocked back down.  The running enziguri in the corner takes Christian down for two and Alberto tries to leave.  His torso gets out but Christian makes a diving save.

Del Rio sets up the cross armbreaker but it’s reversed into the Killswitch for two.  I would have bet on that being the finish.  Christian goes up again and one more time Del Rio kicks him down.  Christian is hung over the ropes so Alberto uses him as a stepping stone tos tart his climb.  That was rather awesome.

Why is it that every time someone gets to the top they become as slow as a slow Christmas?  Anyway it happens here to Alberto and Christian catches him.  They sit on the top of the cage and slug it out with Christian getting his head slammed into the cage.  Christian climbs down over Del Rio and Alberto kicks at him, knocking him down and giving Christian the win at 9:35 shown of 13:05.  Good ending.

Rating: B. Good stuff here with the false finish and the ending making this work rather well.  The problem with cage matches tends to be that the endings are basic, which is why shifting this one to something different helps a lot.  I liked this match and it got better as it went.  Good stuff.

Post match Alberto beats down Christian and says he’s going to be to Christian what he’s going to do to Edge at Wrestlemania.  He’s interrupted by a horn honking and Edge is in the car.  Edge talks about how nice it is and how much of a shame it would be if something were to happen to it.  He pulls a chair out of the passenger seat but Brodus pops up to drill Edge.  The double beatdown ensues and it’s a Conchairto to the arm.  Edge is in a lot of pain as we go off the air.

Overall Rating: A. Now THIS is how you do it!  In a two hour show we got 8 matches with about 30 minutes of action overall.  That’s the difference between having a lot of wrestling and pacing what you have.  This didn’t have a ton of wrestling, but they paced it out to make it seem like they did.  Instead of one match in an hour and fifteen minutes and then 3 matches in 45 minutes, there was a steady stream of them all night and it’s a MUCH more entertaining show.  Far better here than in previous weeks and a great show overall.  I’m well pleased.

Results

Edge b. Brodus Clay – Spear

Sheamus b. Kofi Kingston – Brogue Kick

Cody Rhodes b. Trent Barreta – Headbutt

Layla b. Kelly Kelly – Pin after pulling Kelly off the middle rope

Big Show/Kane b. Justin Gabriel/Heath Slater via DQ when Gabriel pulled the referee out

Jack Swagger b. Chris Masters – Ankle Lock

Rey Mysterio b. Ted DiBiase – Top rope splash

Christian b. Alberto Del Rio – Christian escaped the cage

Impact
Date: March 17, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz

Well it’s the first show after the disaster that was the ending of Victory Road.  Hardy is not here tonight apparently which is about as little as you could ask for.  Jeff Jarrett said that he would call out Angle for a truce on tonight’s show, meaning their feud is likely going to continue until Lockdown.  We’re on the road to said PPV now, so let’s get to it.

Immediately Sting is here and he has a new TNA World Title belt which looks a bit like a UFC belt.  He has the Hardy belt in his hand.  Sting says that before Hogan’s show starts he wants Hogan and Bischoff down here now, or the show won’t start.  With the men in power in the ring, Sting hands Hulk the belt and says that’s all that’s left of Jeff Hardy.  Hogan throws it to the floor.

Sting wants to know how it feels to ruin a superstar like Jeff Hardy.  Sting says that Jeff is a grown man but Hogan and Bischoff turned him into something twisted and dark.  If they try to turn Jeff face out of this, I’m not sure what to think of that.  Sting says he can’t help Jeff Hardy but he can help the 50 guys in the back that are ready to go.

Hogan says he’s a Johnny Come Lately and that Hardy cost Immortal, not the other way around.  Hulk says that Jeff’s demise was his own fault and he couldn’t live up to the Immortal standards.  Hogan asks Sting why Immortal is all at the top of its game, even Matt Hardy.  Did he really just say that?  Hogan threatens Sting, saying don’t worry about saving the boys in the back, but rather saving himself.

Since he came back two weeks ago there have been main event guys calling him all the time wanting to come here and wanting to take Sting’s place.  Sting wants to know who’s been calling.  Cue, I kid you not, Bully Ray.  Ray says that he’s been ringing the phone off the hook because he’s been waiting for this chance all his life.  Ray kisses up to Hogan a bit, saying without him there would be no wrestling business.  True, but why is Bully Ray saying this?

He talks about how no matter what Sting does, he’ll never be able to beat Hogan.  The Bully asks to be part of Immortal and wants to become world champion.  The interesting thing is that Ray can actually talk well enough to be on this level, but at the end of the day he’s Bubba Ray Dudley.  Hogan says don’t worry about Sting and here’s Fourtune as we take a break.

Back with AJ saying Fourtune has Sting’s back.  He says Ray has always wanted to be a singles wrestler but he had a partner for the last 15 years that carried the load.  Bully wants to smack the silver spoon out of AJ’s mouth because Dixie has been carrying AJ the whole time.  Ray says without D-Von he would have been a 23 time world champion.  AJ slaps Bubba and here’s Anderson because there aren’t enough people out here already.

Anderson wants his rematch and says he’s a jerk about 10 times.  The fans laugh, proving why this is stupid.  It’s not a moment where people are supposed to laugh.  Hogan says Anderson couldn’t beat RVD.  Anderson says RVD couldn’t beat him either, so “it’s your call, TERRANCE.”  Oh yeah, he went there.  Bischoff does the ratings thing, four way is made: AJ vs. Ray vs. Anderson vs. RVD.  Great.

Angle is here with a big present for the newlyweds.

Back with AJ talking to RVD and wanting a partnership tonight in the main event.  RVD isn’t sure but more or less says no.

Knockouts Title: Madison Rayne vs. Alissa Flash

It’s another open challenge here.  Flash is more commonly known as Cheerleader Melissa or Raisha Saed.  And the Rayne Drop ends this in 19 seconds.  Why did this happen again?  Oh so Mickie James can come down.  Let me guess: that’s Lockdown because we didn’t have it enough in previous months?  Mickie makes the obvious challenge but Madison says Mickie has to put her hair up.  Mickie says cool.

Pope, looking like Orlando Jordan, is with a bunch of people that are pretending to have various ailments such as being fat, blind and in a wheelchair that he’s going to pretend to heal.  Oh dear.

Back with Anderson yelling at Hogan more.  He wants to know why he has to fight for a title shot he already owns.  That’s a great question since he won a #1 contenders match about three weeks ago.  Hogan says Anderson couldn’t beat RVD like always.  Hogan says do things the hard way or our way and he throws the cameraman out.

Time for Pope who is in a white suit.  He says that miracles need to be performed and tonight there will be miracles happening.  Pope says that Jesus can do this and so can he.  He takes the “blind” man’s glasses off and spits on his own hands, calling it holy oil.  The man can see now.  Next up is the lame man who he kicks in the legs and smacks him in the head.  The man pops up and kind of dances a bit.  Up last is the chick in the fat suit.  Pope grabs her…stomach I think and says that no one including Jesus could help her lose weight.

FINALLY Joe comes out to end this along with Okato.  This feud couldn’t be stupider if they tried to make it worse.  Pope yells at Joe for ruining Pope’s stuff.  Joe is getting fatter by the second I think.  Pope throws the people into it and pulls Okato out.  He puts a knife to Okato’s throat and in a funny bit keeps hitting Okato in the head for stepping on Pope’s shoes.  Pope kicks him in the cuts and throws him into the entrance area before jabbing his knife into his throat, showing that it’s fake.

Back and Pope is beating on Okato who is tied up.  Wait….where is Joe?  He takes the mask off and says he doesn’t like how Okato looks so put the mask back on.  He beats on Okato forever with a stick or a pole or something until Joe FINALLY shows up.  I guess they ran out of catering.  Also he calls him Okada when he comes up.  Joe is all mad or something.

RVD comes up to Anderson in the back and accuses him of joining Immortal.  Nothing of note is said but Anderson denies it.

Velvet and Winter argue about who gets to team up with Angelina as we hit one hour into the show.  Angelina leaves with Winter.

Here’s are the Jarretts for MORE TALKING.  Seriously, 60 minutes in, 19 seconds of wrestling.  Jeff calls himself the Ultra Male now.  I give up.  He says he has nothing left to prove but gets stopped by a Jarrett sucks chant.  There is nothing left for him to do to Angle so for the good of the kids, he’s offering a truce.  He says that they need to get along for the sake of their kids (are they breaking up or something?) and he’ll let Kurt beg for forgiveness.

Angle comes out with the big gift from earlier.  It’s pretty good sized, probably about four feet long and two feet wide.  I’d die of laughter if it’s an axe.  Angle says that Jeff is the better man and the father/husband that Kurt never could be.  He has a peace offering but Jeff is skeptical.  Jeff opens the paper like it’s Christmas morning and it’s…another box.  It’s a guitar with an American flag on it.  Naturally it winds up around Jeff’s head.  Karen tries to hit Angle in the balls butt there’s no effect.  I knew those steroids would catch up with him.  Ah it’s a cup.

He takes it out and smiles but then turns to yell at Jeff more.  Hey Karen, HIT HIM NOW!  Jeff is bleeding as Kurt says he’ll go medieval on him.  Kurt wants a match at Lockdown or he’ll come and hurt both of them.  Jeff, bleeding from the eye, says yes.  Kurt says don’t bother going to Hogan or Bischoff because he’ll find Jeff and hurt him.  Tell me that’s the end of the feud.

Bischoff is talking to Gunner/Murphy/Terry in the back and we hear the WE MUST HAVE ALL THE TITLES speech again.  Abyss has been stripped of the title (finally) and one of those three will win the title.

There’s a six person street fight coming later.

Back with Karen wanting the police here and shouting into the phone about it.  Jeff is mad at Kurt.

We get a video package about the TV Title match.  Why in the world do we need a hype video for that?

TV Title: Rob Terry vs. Gunner vs. Murphy

Gunner has the tattoos.  Got it.  The tag team jumps Terry but then splits up soon.  Hogan’s wife and Brooke (looks JUST like Linda) are here.  We split the screen for a bit to show that the cops are here for Angle.  People keep trying to steal wins which gets them nowhere.  Murphy and Terry slug it out with Terry winning.  Gunner pops up to spear him and then hits a modified F5 to win the title at 1:47.  The match didn’t even make it to two minutes.  Wow indeed.  Bischoff comes out to applaud.

AJ says he was trying to help RVD, not himself.

Back with the cops telling the Jarretts to chill.  Karen mentions a restraining order.

Hernandez/Sarita/Rosita vs. Matt Morgan/Winter/Angelina Love

Well I’ve always been a fan of mixing feuds like this.  Also, oddly enough Sarita might look better in long pants which is surprising.  Hernandez says welcome to Mexican America.  He says they’re taking over and whistles into the microphone.  Winter’s music is like a messed up lullaby which is pretty freaking awesome.  She has the blindfold on again.  This is a street fight.

Morgan hits the ring in jeans and the fight is on.  Oh and it’s one of those street fights where you have to tag.  The guys start as the girls fight on the floor.  The corner thing didn’t last long.  Morgan hammers away but the girls jump on him (lucky bastard).  He throws them off and Winter/Angelina destroy them.  A spinning backbreaker ends Rosita in 1:24.

Post match some Mexican guy (who appears to be Matt “Lowrider” Barela who was OVW Champion for the majority of last year) comes in but Morgan fights them off.

We come back with a recap video of the Anderson/RVD match at the PPV.

AJ Styles vs. Bully Ray vs. Mr. Anderson vs. Rob Van Dam

It’s 10:36 when these entrances start so there’s a ton of time here.  Surprisingly there’s no bell before we start.  Anderson vs. RVD and AJ vs. Ray to start.  No tagging here and it’s one fall to a finish which helps a bit.  Ray runs over AJ who nips up and takes him down with a rana.  Jumping forearm in the corner and AJ is in control.

Monkey flip is blocked and Anderson fights Ray.  RVD vs. Ray as AJ and Anderson have been knocked to the floor.  Van Dam gets Rolling Thunder but Anderson pulls Rob to the floor.  AJ gets a sunset flip on Anderson for two.  We’re firmly into the formula here of having each guy dominate for a bit but no one is really moving towards a finish.  At the moment it’s Ray taking over.

RVD takes down Ray but the Five Star misses.  Spinning Rock Bottom takes Anderson down but AJ gets a top rope cross body on Ray for two.  Middle rope kick to AJ gets two.  Neckbreaker to RVD gets two.  AJ dives out at Ray to the floor but lands on the ground.  Ray grabs a chair but Hebner pulls it away to save Styles.  The chair goes into the ring and Anderson suplexes RVD onto it and it’s a double pin at 5:55.  Ray drills the referee before the finish can be announced.  Are you serious?  RVD wasn’t on Anderson in any way at all.

Rating: C-. Decent match but dang it all GIVE US A CLEAN FINISH ALREADY!!!  Why is that so complicated?  I get that the triple threat at Lockdown is more or less a given, but dang it just announce that already.  This is beyond annoying at this point and the main event not even going six minutes is just pitiful at this point.

AJ and Ray fight up to the stage and Flair comes out to save Ray.  It’s a HUGE sitout powerbomb off the stage to put AJ through something that resembled a table next to the stage.  Everyone is out and we throw up an X.  They have to turn straightedge now?  We take a break with everyone down.

Back with Anderson and Ray having to be separated.  AJ is put in a neck brace and taken out on a stretcher.  So now their either first or second top face is doing an injury angle?  This is how the show ends.  We see replays and AJ is taken out.  That’s Impact for you this week folks.  Enjoy it TNA fans.  This is what you guys wanted right?  Give me a break.

Overall Rating: F. We get three and a half minutes out of the first 95 for actual wrestling and then we get that finish to the show?  Why does TNA always have to give us the “Thank you fans, but your #1 contender is on another show” finish every time?  We had 9:25 of total wrestling tonight.  I’m sorry but that’s ridiculous.  TNA had people paying attention after the Hardy fiasco and this is what we get?  Are you kidding me?  Terrible show where NOTHING happened.  This is one of the worst TV shows I’ve seen in months if not years.  Just awful.

Results

Madison Rayne b. Alissa Flash – Rayne Drop

Gunner b. Rob Terry and Murphy – F5 to Murphy

Matt Morgan/Winter/Angelina Love b. Rosita/Sarita/Hernandez – Winter pinned Rosita after a spinning backbreaker

Rob Van Dam vs. AJ Styles vs. Bully Ray vs. Mr. Anderson went to a no contest

NXT
Date: March 15, 2011
Location: Sprint Center, Kansas City, Missouri
Commentators: William Regal, Todd Grisham

I don’t want to do this.  I truly and honestly don’t.  I see absolutely zero point to this show existing anymore, at least with this cast.  Jacob Novak continues to make me want to hit myself with a blunt object and yet he’s still around.  The only thing I have other than that is apparently redemption points are the tiebreakers for this season which helps a bit.  Let’s get to it.

We open with the theme song and Striker/Maryse (looking amazing in a blue dress) who introduce the pairings.  Apparently the winner also gets to pick their pro for next season.  First up is the Talk the Talk challenge.  The topic is about themselves though, taking away any entertainment value this segment has.

Novak the Uninteresting goes first and is booed before he starts.  Novak raps and it’s bad.  The fans boo the city name pop.  That says a lot.

Young is second and he goes in front of the fans.  He says with the people is where he belongs.  That’s why he stands in front of a barrier between them.  He also uses Christian’s TNA catchphrase of “if you didn’t know, now you know.”  Moderately well received.

O’Brian continues to try to be all serious and gets a better reaction by saying Kansas City.  He talks about dreams and just kind of stops talking rather than finishing if that makes sense.

Saxton talks about himself, including having a hamster named Speedy and that he loves Madden.  He makes fun of Cannon’s robe and thanks the fans for a second chance.

Cannon says he has Adonis DNA.  If that’s a Charlie Sheen reference, I may injure that person.  It’s all about him apparently.  Regal likes him.

Titus, wearing purple trunks, does his bark and says he talked to Horny earlier today and it went like this.  And then he speaks in gibberish.  The buzzer cuts him off.

Shockingly the crowd gets to pick the winner and it’s O’Neil, barely beating out Saxton.

Profile on O’Neil who says he wasn’t being himself because he’s used to everything just coming to him.

Darren Young vs. Conor O’Brian

There’s a Darren chant as we get going here.  Young controls early, hammering on O’Brian with European uppercuts in the corner.  That gets him nowhere as he gets sent shoulder first into the corner.  I haven’t heard a crowd this quiet in a very long time.  Wisely O’Brian works on the arm using a variety of stuff.  Notice that as he switches things up rather than just throwing on an armbar and going with that over and over.

Naturally as I say that, there’s the armbar.  Young fires back, naturally using the bad arm because he’s not that intelligent.  Young gets going a bit and gets O’Brian into a fireman’s carry and drops O’Brian down onto his knees in a gutbuster which I think I’ve seen Roderick Strong use before to end it at 3:00.

Rating: C. Just a match here with O’Brian using the most basic level of psychology that you can use while still calling it psychology.  This is about as formula based as you can get and while it was boring, it wasn’t bad from a technical standpoint.  This is what you’re going to get on NXT I guess though so that’s to be expected.

Keg carry later.

The Raw ReBound is an actual recap, this time being the ending with the somewhat too long beatdown by Miz on Cena.  We also get clips of the match and MizRock coming out which had me fooled for a bit actually.

After a break, Maryse is on the phone with someone and Tatsu comes up.  He tells her that she’s better than Striker but Cannon breaks it up.  This is going to be the romance of the season isn’t it?  He apologizes for being a jerk and she leaves.  Lucky says that Tatsu won’t ever get her because he’s not lucky.  Tatsu is a comedy character that is in the background most of the time and I’m far more interested in him than Cannon.

Profile on Novak which I get a good nap during.  The sounds I hear talk about him being more focused after having everything working for him last season.

Tyson Kidd/Lucky Cannon vs. Byron Saxton/Yoshi Tatsu

Well I like Tatsu and that music is as catchy so I can live with that.  Regal talks about an old fiancé having a robe like that but she had a leg shorter than the other so he was embarrassed to walk down the aisle with her.  Tatsu has a black armband on due to the earthquake/tsunami.  It’s pro vs. pro to start and we get some genuine heel cheating to give them the early advantage.  Nice to see things like that.

Solid Yoshi chant as Cannon has issues with a side salto.  I prefer Luigi but that’s just me.  Off to a body scissors now as the fans are far more into this than the previous night.  Dang it Kidd quit moving around on the apron.  Your hair was giving me perfect reception on my TV.  Tatsu runs over Cannon after being in that hold for awhile and we get the double tag.

Off to Saxton and Kidd.  Saxton works better as a face (kind of) and Cannon a bit better as a heel.  Kidd gets a kick to the head but Cannon tags himself in.  He hits Saxton with a reverse FU (same position but he slams Saxton back the way he came.  Sean O’Haire used this back in 2003 and called it the Widowmaker) to end it at 4:10.

Rating: C+. Call me crazy but this wasn’t a terrible tag match.  Cannon and Kidd were doing the most bare bones of heel work but for some reason it worked for me.  Their cheating made them the clear heels and the other guys were the faces.  That’s exactly the point and while it was short, that’s all you need to do at times.  I can live with this actually.

The Raw stuff this week is the whole Trish/Vickie/Laycool/Snooki/Ziggler/Morrison thing from last night.  I’ll spare you a bunch of complaining here.

Time for the keg carry which is a St. Patrick’s Day version this time.  Before we start though we get a video of Titus trying back in Season 2 where he fell on his face, complete with cartoon music.  Novak goes first and gets a time of 9.9.  He FLEW around the ring with those long legs.

Young is second and gets 9.8.  He’s FAR more credible with the normal looking hair.

O’Brian is third and gets 9.4.  Hokey smoke he didn’t seem to be going that fast.

Saxton is up next with Yoshi playing cheerleader.  9.5 puts him in second place.

Cannon is the next to last and Maryse has started calling him Fabio.  Instead of running, he recites a poem in what sounds like French.  Yep and it’s for Maryse.  She wants to know if she can go throw up.  I like her better as a face too.  Did everyone just get assigned the wrong character?  He touches her hair and gets slapped for his troubles.  I think he liked it.

Titus is last, complete with Horny barking.  He wins it with a time of 9.1.  Ever notice how every week someone gets to dominate?  That’s Titus this week.

Overall Rating: C. This was way better than last week but that’s not saying much when you think about it.  Still an uninteresting show with a bad cast, but sadly enough I’ll wind up getting hooked on it again.  They have this down to a formula like no other so they’re not going to change from that.  Not a terrible show but nothing we haven’t seen with the same people already.

Results

Titus O’Neil won the Talk the Talk Challenge

Darren Young b. Conor O’Brian – Double Knee Gutbuster

Tyson Kidd/Lucky Cannon b. Yoshi Tatsu/Byron Saxton – Release fireman’s carry slam

Titus O’Neil won the Keg Carry Challenge

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 14, 2011
Location: Scottrade Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews
Guest Star: Snooki

After last week’s pretty good show, we’re here with the first of the final three Raws before Mania.  With 20 days to go, things started to looks up last week as Miz got serious and Cena apparently is done talking to Rock.  Also tonight it’s Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus in a title vs. job match which should be fun.  Let’s get to it.

Oh and Snooki is here tonight too.  Dang it all.

We open with a picture of the Rock and hear him talking to the president.  He makes fun of Cena’s promo last week, saying it wasn’t funny and that Cena talks like a child.  Cena’s music hits and Rock says he’ll have to call the President back.  Rock talks to someone off camera, saying that Cena is a man for coming to see him.

And it’s a kid.  The kid is in a Cena shirt and raps a bit but Rock says that Cena has to talk like an adult.  Rock sits down and makes fun of “Cena”, saying that while Cena has run with the ball since Rock is gone, he hasn’t run that far.  At the end of the day, it comes down to the fact that Cena simply isn’t that talented.

Rock says it doesn’t matter how that makes him feel and Cena starts crying.  Rock says that the fans should be crying after seeing Cena’s movies.  The Rock gives him a gift: a box of Fruity Pebbles.  This is absolutely hilarious by the way.  After sending the kid away, Rock turns to the camera and turns his attention to the Miz.

They haven’t been introduced and Miz claims to be the most must see WWE Champion in history.  Well he’s the Rock, the most electrifying man in all of entertainment.  There’s this ominous music playing in the background at the same time.  Miz hit the People’s Elbow and insulted his family.  That statement means that Miz wants the biggest whipping of all time.  Rock says the time for talking is done and before Mania he will be on Raw.  Cena needs to shut his mouth.  The smack will be laid down, if you smell what he’s cooking.

Trish is in the back with Snooki.  Someone get me my gun that I don’t own.

All three commentators are here and Cole is in his own glass/plastic box.  That’s hilarious.  Oh and it’s called the Cole Mine.  Great stuff.  There’s no top on it.

Here’s Miz and we get a clip of three weeks ago when Miz and Cena won the tag titles.  Also we see the end of the cage match and of last week’s show.  In present time Miz says that Rock’s shirt says I Bring It.  That’s true as he brings bad movies, weak catchphrases and long diatribes of a has been.  Miz runs down Rock’s family because he’s WWE Champion, making him better than them.

Rock likes to make six year olds cry.  Miz says Rock should step into this ring as Miz will make Rock cry.  Rock doesn’t own Cena, the Miz does.  Miz says that he hopes Rock brings it here to St. Louis, but if Rock does he’ll be overshadowed by Miz.  The catchphrase seems to end the commercial but we have an e-mail.

Cole has to leave the box to get to the podium and Lawler blocks his way.  Apparently Jerry is going to read them tonight.  There are two first time ever matches tonight: one for Cena and one for Miz.  Cena faces Alberto Del Rio and Miz faces the Great Khali.  I would have bet on HHH but I guess they’re saving that for Mania.  Miz vs. Khali is next.

The Miz vs. Great Khali

Naturally Khali dominates to start.  Cole is already getting on my verves by ignoring Lawler every time he talks.  Khali gets the big overhead chop and locks in the vice less than a minute in.  Miz’s face being all crushed is hilarious.  Miz gets the rope and Riley runs in for the DQ (wasn’t he fired?) at 1:14.  Miz destroys Khali with a chair Austin style post match.  DDT on the chair ends it.  Miz actually BROKE the chair, as in one of the legs is hanging off.  There’s a gash in Khali’s back too which I can’t imagine is fake.

Cole is going to expose Lawler tonight with a special guest.

Orton vs. Ryan later.

We see the HHH video from Smackdown which is designed to make HHH look like a tough guy.  That isn’t that hard to do.

John Morrison is talking to Snooki.  Dang it he had potential.  She offers him a spot of Jersey Shore.  Vickie and Dolph come up and make fun of Snooki.  Apparently Vickie was offered the cover of Playboy.  Snooki makes a fat joke and blocks a slap to hit Vickie and we take a break.

US Title: Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan

There’s a graphic with an American flag and fireworks for the US Title.  Cool.  If Sheamus loses he quits.  Gail Kim is with Bryan here.  Sheamus looked angry about the idea of the stipulation even though it was his idea I believe.  Sheamus takes over early as we talk about the possibility of the curse of being King of the Ring.  Bryan moonsaults over Sheamus and tries the LeBell Lock but Sheamus escapes.

Suicide Dive to the floor takes down Sheamus and a missile dropkick takes down the Irishman for two.  Sheamus hits the floor again and looks lost as we take a break.  Back with Sheamus in control of Bryan, mainly focusing on his back.  Bryan grabs a small package for two and sends Sheamus to the floor.  Sheamus may have hurt his ankle again just like last week.

He makes it back in this week but the Brogue Kick misses and Bryan grabs the LeBell Lock.  Sheamus grabs the ropes and tries the High Cross.  Bryan rolls through it for two and they slug it out with Bryan taking him down.  BIG kick to the head gets a long two.  Bryan goes up but jumps into the Brogue Kick which ends Bryan’s title reign at 9:00.  Sweet ending.

Rating: B. This was a good TV match with both guys coming off looking good.  Sheamus is arguably a bigger star than Bryan so it’s not like this is a major upset.  The kick looked great too so it’s not like some weak move ended it.  Good TV match too and it got some good time with some hard hitting shots.  Good stuff.

Cole says he’s going to commit Regicide (killing of a king) tonight and his guest is up next.

After a recap of last week’s segment with JBL, Cole and Austin.  Cole is in the ring and says that Jerry gets defensive about his family.  Tonight Cole isn’t going to talk about Lawler’s family because Lawler’s family is going to talk about Lawler.  Cue Brian freaking Christopher, looking like a slim Dusty Rhodes with a beard with a distance.  Christopher cuts a total heel promo, saying how Lawler never wanted a family or a son and when Christopher made it to WWE, Lawler didn’t acknowledge that Christopher was his son.

Lawler grabs the mic and says that he’s glad Christopher never went by Brian Lawler, because he’s a bigger screw up than Charlie Sheen, proven by him associating with Michael Cole.  Brian asks his dad how it feels that his son was at Wrestlemania before Lawler did as one of the biggest stars in the company as part of Too Cool (just go with it).  Christopher gets in his face and Lawler just sits there and takes it.  Cole says this proves that Lawler is a loser.

CUE JR of all people who says that Cole has gone too far with everything and that Cole needs to come to his senses.  Cole says that Ross needs to just go away and that he’s the voice of the WWE and not Jim Ross.  Ross has wanted to talk to him about that, because the voice of the WWE is that of the fans, not one person.  Lawler has been carrying Cole like a baby kangaroo in his mother’s pouch.  Ross says Cole isn’t cuddly like a kangaroo though.  He’s a rat bastard.

Cole talks about how this is what he always expected: Ross leaving Cole in his Cole’s ring like a coward.  JR takes the jacket and tie off and is ready to fight.  As he gets ready, Swagger jumps Lawler and then hits the ring to beat up Ross and put on the ankle lock.  Lawler gets up and hammers Swagger but Cole jumps on Lawler and puts the ankle lock on Lawler who taps.  Cole puts the hold on Ross and the evildoers stand tall.  Good stuff here indeed.

Edge and Christian get a tag title shot on Friday.  Cool.

Randy Orton vs. Mason Ryan

Huge hometown boy pop for Orton of course.  Orton has punted everyone so far and this is the final one left for Orton to beat.  Punk is on the ramp of course and if Ryan wins he can be in the corner of Punk at Mania.  Ryan uses basic power to take over and hits the sitout Rock Bottom for two.  The referee seemed like he had to stop early there so maybe Orton missed his cue.  Ryan picks him up and another attempt is countered into the RKO to end it at 2:58.  This was nothing for the most part but at least the dismantling of the Nexus is over now.

Orton goes up for Punk on the ramp but turns around and sprints back into the ring to punt Ryan as well.  Punk tries to get in from behind but Orton turns and they lock eyes with both almost on their stomachs.  Punk slithers out.  Ryan is taken out on a stretcher.

We recap Snooki and Vickie from earlier and that slap.

Drew Carey is going into the Hall of Fame.  What do you even say to that?

Cole talks some more about how awesome he is.

Snooki and Trish are up next.  Snooki gets hit on by Zach Ryder and it’s totally pointless.

Snooki comes out and says nothing at all of note.  Way to earn that paycheck!

Vickie Guerero vs. Trish Stratus

This is No DQ all of a sudden.  Before the match Vickie yells at Snooki and claims that she was supposed to be on the cover of Rolling Stone instead of Snooki.  Trish works as a brunette too.  Vickie warms up before we get going here so Trish rolls her up for two.  Vickie runs to the floor and loses her shoe.  She gets it back and uses it like a sword.  Then she throws the shoe at Trish and tries to use it like a baseball bat.

Vickie gets spanked by the shoe until Dolph comes in for the save.  Cue Morrison for the second save and a big corkscrew plancha to take down Ziggler.  Laycool comes in and Michelle gets the boot to the face of Trish.  Vickie gets the pin at 2:30.  Just a comedy match here, and yet still longer and better than Hardy vs. Sting.  You knew I’d have to get a shot in at that somewhere.

Laycool gets in Snooki’s face post match and the fight is on.  Trish makes the save.  Snooki raises her arms and the tips of her fingers are equal to the top of Trish’s head.  Vickie makes a challenge for a 6 person/Diva/creature tag at Mania.  Snooki will do it.  Oh sweet goodness I need a blunt object to bash my skull in with.

Sin Cara is still coming.  That looks awesome.

Shawn talks about Undertaker.  I should point out that it’s 10:58 and we have a main event to go still.  Shawn praises Taker as he did HHH last week and nothing of note is said.  There’s an aura to the Streak apparently.

Alberto Del Rio vs. John Cena

Del Rio grabs a headlock to start and Cena speeds things up.  Cole says Rock is here tonight in St. Louis.  Del Rio hits the floor and we take a break at 11:05.  Ok then.  Back with Del Rio getting two off an unseen move.  Double knockdown and they slug it out after getting up.  Here come the shoulders and Del Rio is in trouble.  Five Knuckle Shuffle but Brodus runs in for the DQ at 7:25.  Not enough shown to rate again which is rather annoying but that’s life.

Anyway the point here is that Rock’s music plays and HE’S…..someone in a bald wig.  That would be Miz I believe.  Cena beats up Brodus but the numbers catch up to him.  That’s the best bald wig I’ve ever seen.  Cena is sent to the floor and Miz beats on him even more.  A few mic shots to the head put Cena down.  Del Rio and Clay are gone.

Miz suplexes him onto the ramp to mess with his back.  Cena fires back but can’t get the FU.  Miz DDTs him on the stage and Cena is out.  Cena gets rammed into the big WWE sign on the stage as this is going a bit long.  Skull Crushing Finale into the same sign and Cena is out cold to end the show.  Miz’s face is awesome.

Overall Rating: A-. This was one of the best shows I’ve ever seen….for about an hour and ten minutes.  Starting with Orton, the rest of this show just fell apart.  Now that being said, it was still very good overall.  Cena/Miz/Rock is awesome at this point and the Cole vs. Lawler thing is going to be epic when it finally goes off.  This was a very good show and they got things going for Mania even more.  That being said, I loathe “celebrities” like the Jersey Shore people so that was a big black mark for me.  Other than that, good stuff and even more good building for Mania.

Results

Great Khali b. The Miz via DQ when Alex Riley interfered

Sheamus b. Daniel Bryan – Brogue Kick

Randy Orton b. Mason Ryan – RKO

Vickie Guerrero b. Trish Stratus – Guerrero pinned Stratus after a big boot from Michelle McCool

John Cena b. Alberto Del Rio via DQ when Brodus Clay interfered

Sorry for the delay.  I actually wasn’t sure what to think of the end of the show.

Victory Road 2011
Date: March 13, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

Well this is TNA’s offering for the month.  It’s another show with the majority of it added on at the very end with no real build to it.  Yes there are stories for the matches, but that doesn’t mean there’s justification for asking something like 40 dollars for a show.  The main event is the rematch of Sting vs. Jeff Hardy and the third #1 contender situation for Anderson.  Let’s get to this as it’s one of the least interesting shows I can remember in forever.

The opening video is the Sting mask being crawled on by a scorpion.  Wow they’re banking a lot on this push.

Bully Ray vs. Tommy Dreamer

Pre match Ray runs his mouth about how awesome Hogan and Bischoff are for letting him have a run.  Dreamer comes out and Ray talks about how he’s run Dreamer into the ground over the years and mentions breaking his wife’s neck.  This is now hardcore.  They brawl to start us off and Dreamer sends him to the floor as we imply Ray going to Immortal.  Well if they want to drive it off a cliff why not?

A fan holds a up a chair and Dreamer rams Bubba into it.  There’s some water spit into Bubba’s head.  This is opening a PPV in 2011.  Dreamer grabs some big yellow stuffed animal (apparently from Despicable Me) to drill Ray with.  Into the crowd now as my head is already hurting from this.  Granted that might be due to Florida getting a 2 seed in the NCAA tournament but who knows.

They go into the balcony with the traditional carry the guy around style. Dreamer hits him in the head with something that looked like it was made of metal to continue his dominance so far.  Back to ringside with Bubba getting in a big shot with some other unidentifiable weapon.  Crowd is hating on Ray pretty well.  He’s played the character well, but why in the world is it Bubba Ray Dudley getting this push?

Ray goes after Dreamer’s hand which only works to an extent.  Dreamer throws some garbage cans with weapons into the ring.  Good thing he had those just in case this was made hardcore I guess.  They have a road block thing that has a name that I can’t think of in there.  It’s the orange/white fence thing that is moved up when you drive through it.  And there’s an inflatable doll in there which Bubba lands in a 69 position with.

Splash on the doll onto Bubba gets two.  Ray gets a trashcan lid shot to the head of Dreamer as Dreamer goes up top.  Superplex gets no cover.  Bubba Bomb is blocked into a DDT for two.  Dreamer brings in a table (moving it off the love doll) which is set up in the ring like a small ramp.  The fans want D-Von as Ray gets a spinning Rock Bottom for two.  He sets the table for Dreamer and calls out at D-Von.  The kids of D-Von come out as does D-Von and Ray takes a 3D through the table to end it.

Rating: D+. There was a blowup doll in this as well as a Despicable Me doll.  I get that it’s a comedy match, but dude it’s Tommy Dreamer vs. Bubba Ray Dudley opening a PPV in a semi-comedy match in the year 2011.  Just get to the table match that is coming for Bubba vs. D-Von so they can move into midcard purgatory.

Winter and the Beautiful People insist they’re cool.  Winter says the issues have been Velvet’s fault.  This gets a WTF look from Velvet.

Knockout Tag Titles: Rosita/Sarita vs. Winter/Angelina Love

The Mexican chicks say basic Spanish stuff.  Winter is blindfolded or something and there’s no Velvet, making me think the titles are changing here.  Rosita and Angelina start us off but it’s off to Winter quickly as the champions are dominating.  Bridging Northern Lights gets two.  Angelina back in now as the fans chant USA for two Mexican chicks, Angelina (Canadian) and the British chick Winter.

Sarita is in now and has about as much luck as Rosita had.  There’s some heel cheating and Rosita misses a front flip legdrop that was aimed at Angelina’s ankles.  More fast tags by the champions as they regain control quickly.  Everything breaks down slightly and Sarita grabs a belt.  She drops it and Rosita gets ahold of it but Velvet runs in to steal it.  Winter rolls her up but no referee.  Rosita reverses it and wins the titles with a pin.

Rating: D. Well this was predictable.  I don’t think this lasted very long but I don’t time PPV matches so it’s not like it matters.  Granted these titles have been worthless since they debuted.  Velvet has to explain herself.  Wouldn’t Winter know that she was never hit by a belt and that would be enough validation?  Whatever.

We’re going to have the Jarretts on vacation tonight.  They’re at Universal Studios and Karen is bored out of her mind with the rollercoasters.  The kids are with them and Karen hates the kid stuff.

Morgan talks about (Shawn) Hernandez and how the Mexican company dropped him.  Morgan says that after this he’s going after the world title.  The recap for the match is just that Hernandez came back and played the race card, setting this up.  He’s in Immortal also.

Hernandez vs. Matt Morgan

This is first blood.  Hernandez came out to the LAX theme which is a rarity.  They head to the floor almost immediately as Morgan rushes the ring.  Hernandez gets a sharp wooden stick and tries to jab it into Morgan’s face ala Magnum TA vs. Tully Blanchard.  I apologize for comparing this to a classic like that.  Hernandez ribs as the face as the fans want blood.  Morgan fights back by a side slam.

Hernandez hits a Pounce as we hear about how awesome he was in AAA.  He was so awesome he wasn’t at their biggest show of the year last year.  Hernandez hammers away until Morgan gets a discus lariat.  This is rather boring if you didn’t get that.  Fall away slam continues Morgan’s lack of head shots.  He grabs the stick from earlier but gets kicked in the gut to drop it.

A fan runs in and Hernandez pulls out a chain.  Morgan kicks it out of his hand and drills Hernandez with it.  The referee is down and Hernandez is busted open.  Hernandez comes out of the corner and sprays Morgan with something that looks like fake blood or something like that.  The other referee comes out of the back (I guess not watching on a monitor or something) and gives it to Hernandez.

Rating: F+. Well the ending was original as I don’t think I’ve ever seen that done.  However, this is more or less every other first blood match with the heel bleeding and getting the win anyway in a screwy finish.  This was nothing at all of note, but granted you can say that about the first 45 minutes entirely here of Impact on Sunday.

It’s Max Buck’s birthday and he works as a team with his brother.  Shenanigans are implied.

Kazarian interviews JB in a weird moment.  He busts out a Charlie Sheen reference, making me want to end Kazarian.

Robbie E yells at someone that we can’t see.  Cookie is panicking about Ultimate X and Robbie says he’s fine.  This was idiotic if you didn’t get that.

Video on Ultimate X.  It’s so awesome that it got thrown on at the last minute.

X-Division Title: Kazarian vs. Max Buck vs. Jeremy Buck vs. Robbie E

The idea here is the title is hung over the ring on cables that cross to form an X.  You have to climb across to grab the title and can’t use a ladder.  It’s supposed to be all about Maz remember.  This is the 24^th Ultimate X match in history apparently and Kaz’s fifth.  This is kind of a weird triple that with Gen Me vs. Robbie vs. Kaz.  The team beats up both guys to start us off.

Kaz fights them off for a bit and manages a springboard up to the X in a cool spot.  That gets him nowhere as Robbie comes in and stomps away.  Max goes up but it’s Robbie stopping him.  Cookie is hot but the voice is annoying.  Gen Me gets everyone down and goes for the belt until Robbie stops them again.  Kaz is back in now and faces off with Jersey Boy.

Robbie escapes the Fade to Black (that reverse Piledriver) and gets backdropped to the floor, hitting his ankle on the steps.  Gen Me wakes up again and takes down both guys one more time.  Jeremy gets a sweet assisted moonsault to take Robbie and Kaz down.  Max is all alone but wants Jeremy to help him up instead.  Jeremy holds off Kaz and Max makes a run at it.  Kaz of course saves as Robbie has a bad ankle still.

Double dropkick puts down Kaz and a baseball slide does the same to Robbie.  Jeremy does this weird reverse jump to get up and holds off Kaz.  This again fails and Maz, who also was trying to get the belt, is swung backwards and gets knocked off and caught in a cutter to put him down.  Robbie gets up and goes for the title, only to get pulled down by Max.  And never mind as Max is sent into the structure by Kaz and gets stuck.  That’s different if nothing else.

Everyone is down now and Max is unhooked for a change.  Kaz hits Fade to Black on Robbie but gets kicked by Jeremy.  Jeremy tries to go up only to take an enziguri from the champion to put him down.  Flux Capacitor (suplex/rock bottom) off the top by Kaz puts Jeremy down again.  Robbie and Kaz both go across at the same time.  Gen Me kicks Robbie down and swing the champion down too in a nice bump.

Jeremy goes up and Max isn’t happy.  Max pulls him down which is the point of the match.  They both go from opposite corners and both are hung by their legs upside down in the middle.  They slug it out up there until Robbie grabs a ladder to take them down.  Kaz goes above the X and grabs the title at the same time as Robbie.  Kaz pulls it up but there’s no bell.  Oh there it is.

Rating: C+. It’s ok but this is a match that has been done so many times that there wasn’t much here.  It’s definitely one of the weaker matches they’ve had with this gimmick but it’s still good.  Fun match but they kept trying to play up the Bucks only for them to break up and not play a factor in the end.  Fun, but definitely not great.

More honeymoon stuff and Karen wants champagne.  Instead it’s a pizza.  Next up: a water park.

Beer Money hits on Christy and try to get her to do the BEER MONEY thing.  Basically it’s to hit on her and stare at her figure.  Can’t say I blame them.  They get serious and say they’re awesome but Ink Inc is overstepping their bounds.  Something about respect is mentioned.

We recap the feud, which was Ink Inc saying they want a title shot and Beer Money saying ok.

Tag Titles: Ink Inc vs. Beer Money

I could see this being good.  Neal vs. Storm starts us off With no one taking over we get a double tag and some technical stuff follows.  The fans are split which makes sense for once as they’re both face teams.  Moore gets a leg lariat for two.  Neal comes in now and takes a powerslam for two.  This is taking a bit to get off the ground here.

Moore back in now and we hit the chinlock.  They do some basic stuff and it’s one of those moments where stuff happens but nothing is going on.  It’s ok but there is no interest in this at all.  It could be because there’s no history here and it’s there for the sake of having a title match.  Roode gets a spinebuster on Neal for two.  Ink Inc takes over again as Taz isn’t even sure who is legal.

Roode gets the formerly Northern Lariat (clothesline to the back of the head) to Neal and goes up top with Moore.  Down goes Roode and a Whisper in the Wind to Storm gets no cover.  Roode with a Rock Bottom for two.  BEER MONEY thing kind of gets the crowd hot but Neal hits the spear on Storm.  Neckbreaker gets two on Roode.  Moore wants to use the chain but Neal disagrees.  Beer Money comes back and the DWI ends Moore.  I guess they’re splitting one of the two active teams worth anything.

Rating: C+. This was just there for the most part.  It wasn’t great at all but it wasn’t bad.  Like I said: just kind of there.  The total lack of story hurt it a lot which is due to the booking and not the guys.  This wasn’t bad but it was really not interesting at all.  Granted that might be Shannon Moore.

Neal shakes their hands post match but Moore spits beer in their faces, I guess turning heel.  He talks about having to be tough to win.  Whatever.

Matt Hardy talks about how he’s cold blood/cold blooded and will hurt AJ.

AJ Styles vs. Matt Hardy

This is just Immortal vs. Fourtune.  AJ uses speed to take over and grabs a front facelock.  Sweet dropkick takes Matt down.  Flair interferes and here comes Matt.  Here come the dueling chants also.  Matt has the braided hair back too.  He’s in jeans and no armbands either, making him look like a bum.

Out to the floor again where AJ is sent into the post.  He counters by hitting his always awesome slide under the railing and springboard forearm.  Back in the ring now with AJ taking over for awhile.  Matt sends him to the floor and Flair hammers away.  That’s Lockdown for these two next month people.  Back in Matt grabs a submission hold which is like a body vice.  Picture him setting for a double arm DDT and jumping up to wrap his legs around AJ.  It looked good if nothing else.

The rope is reached so it’s not like it means anything.  Taz says there’s no escape to it, which is stupid as AJ just escaped.  Flair grabs AJ’s balls for a bit and Matt grabs a cravate.  This is boring if that wasn’t clear.  AJ comes back and hammers away as the crowd seems a bit restless.  Enziguri puts Matt down and AJ does the same.  More punching follows and a big kick to the head sets up a backbreaker for two.

AJ misses a discus lariat and the Side Effect gets two.  This needs to end rather soon here.  Matt gets an elbow to the back of AJ’s head and it’s Twist of whatever time.  It’s blocked into a backslide for two and down goes AJ again.  AJ gets back up and tries the Clash but Matt escapes that and gets two.  Styles kind of botches his backflip into the reverse DDT but Flair distracts the referee.

Flair pokes AJ in the eye and takes a Pele for his efforts.  Matt gets a DDT and a moonsault for two.  END THIS ALREADY.  Hey they listen to me as AJ takes Matt down and Spiral Tap of all things which AJ hasn’t used in years (it’s a top rope twisting moonsault/splash) gets him the pin.

Rating: D+. AJ was good, Matt was sluggish.  What else were you expecting here?  For the life of me I don’t get why people see money in Matt Hardy as he’s just big and slow at this point with the fans cheering him for some reason.  AJ needs to just beat Flair and get it over with already.  At least Matt didn’t win so there is that at least.

Back to the honeymoon with Karen snapping on Jeff.  She wants sex apparently.  Jeff thinks she means Kurt.  This storyline has died so many times it’s insane.  Thursday on Impact Jeff is going to call for a truce.  They’re not sure where their kids are but they all get soaked.  Jeff has been a total face the entire night now.

Anderson talks about getting screwed over and more or less says he’s a tweener.

We recap RVD vs. Anderson.  In short, they both want the title and both say they got screwed.  Somehow we’re talking about football.  They’re grasping at whatever straws grasp at to come up with a backstory for this match.  They talk about Lockdown in the voiceover but I stopped caring a long time ago.

Rob Van Dam vs. Mr. Anderson

This is ANOTHER #1 contenders match for Anderson after he won one already.  They stare it down to start and it’s dueling chant time with Anderson’s being louder.  Technical stuff goes on and it’s a standoff.  More technical stuff follows as I think this is supposed to be an epic match.  They botch a leapfrog spot with Van Dam taking a head to the balls.  This show is almost a comedy of errors at this point.

Rolling Thunder to Anderson as I just want this match to end at this point.  Spinning legdrop to the railing misses Anderson and the leg hits the railing to give Anderson control.  Anderson works the leg and it’s all basic stuff here.  Mic Check is blocked and Rolling Thunder doesn’t work either.  Van Dam gets a suplex to put both guys down.

Both guys go down again and this is just dragging like every other match so far.  Van Dam goes shoulder first into the post and they ram heads to go down AGAIN.  Now they head to the floor off a cross body and they lay around AGAIN.  Anderson gets the Mic Check on the stage and Van Dam is more of less dead.

And it’s a double count out.  The fans boo the HECK out of that and I’d be with them.  This somehow was 15 minutes long.  Where in the world was the 15 minutes?  Oh and look: MORE multi-man title matches.  The fans chant to restart it and half chant no.  Now it’s a 5 more minutes chant.  Get on with it already.

Rating: F. This was just boring as all goodness and the ending hurt it even more.  They have zero chemistry together and this show has sucked so hard so far that this made it even worse.  It’s obvious they’re doing a multi-man match at Lockdown but that isn’t helping anything as far as tonight goes.  This is one of the worst PPVs I’ve seen in a very long time which is saying a lot when it comes to TNA.

We recap Sting winning the title on 3/3.  He was a surprise, read the other reviews for the details.

Hardy says that he was treated unfairly and he’ll win tonight to bring everyone back to reality.

Sting talks about getting into the business and it’s music video time.  I’ve heard this interview before.  Probably was on Impact or something.  Yeah I think it was.  He was at home and felt a burn.  Call a doctor dude.

TNA World Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Sting

It’s 10:30 and Jeff is wasting time getting to the ring.  Before the match Bischoff comes out to waste MORE time.  He makes it No DQ which somehow takes like two minutes.  Sting drops him and the Scorpion Death Drop ends this in less than a minute.  That was their first contact of the “match.”  I kid you not.  Are they serious?

We get a highlight video to fill in 6 minutes to end the show.

Overall Rating: F-. The show has been over for 15 minutes now (final bell rang at 10:38) and I don’t know what to say.  Early word is that Hardy was in no condition to perform.  If that’s the case, TNA’s creative and management team all should refund the fan’s money and resign.  You had 150 minutes to come up with ANYTHING else to put out there and this is what they gave us.  Put Bully Freaking Ray out there and it’s a better than this.

I’m still not sure what to think about what just happened but this is awful even by TNA standards.  It’s a big slap in the face to the people that bought this show and they’ve cost themselves dearly.  I was going to go to Lockdown and now I have no interest in going at all.  Absolutely awful ending and a disgrace all around.  Jeff being high or not, you do not let this happen.  Period.

As for the rest of the show, it was bad.  There was nothing at all of note worth seeing and that makes the ending even worse.  This show didn’t need to happen at the end of the day.  It’s a speed bump on the road to Lockdown and nothing was advanced here.  Now, because of this, TNA has another fire to put out.  I have no idea where they go from here but it’s nowhere good.

Results

Tommy Dreamer b. Bully Ray – 3D with help from D-Von

Rosita/Sarita b. Winter/Angelina Love – Rollup to Winter

Hernandez b. Matt Morgan – Hernandez squirted blood on Morgan

Kazarian b. Max Buck, Jeremy Buck and Robbie E – Kazarian pulled down the Title

Beer Money b. Ink Inc – DWI to Moore

AJ Styles b. Matt Hardy – Spiral Tap

Mr. Anderson vs. Rob Van Dam went to a double countout

Sting b. Jeff Hardy – Scorpion Death Drop

Smackdown
Date: March 11, 2011
Location: Toyota Center, Houston, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Booker T

Off the top of my head there’s nothing that I know of to expect here.  I think we get Christian vs. Del Rio but I’m not entirely sure.  The show last week was a lot better than the previous ones so hopefully they can continue that mini streak that they’re on.  Also I’d expect more from HHH vs. Taker tonight so that should be good.  Let’s get to it.

Yes I do know my enemies: the people that picked the cast of NXT Season 5.

HHH is on Smackdown for the first time in over a year to respond to Undertaker.

Here’s Edge to a BIG pop.  At least I think it is.  His music sounds like cheering at first.  We recap the contract signing from last week.  Teddy hoping it could go well just once was funny.  Christian made the save.  Edge says a busted nose isn’t going to stop him from getting to Del Rio at Wrestlemania.  Tonight he wants a fight, not a match, and he’s demanding Alberto come out here right now.

Cue Alberto and Brodus with the boss looking all ticked off.  No car for this entrance at least.  Alberto asks if Edge knows who Alberto is.  Edge says Alberto is the Ricky Martin look-a-like trying to reform Menudo with King Hippo over there.  Funny line but in a serious manner.  Albert says he’s going to replace Edge’s legacy with Alberto’s destiny.  Edge says he doesn’t think so and jumps both of them but Brodus gets in a shot and the beatdown is on.

Edge’s shoulder goes into the post and here’s Christian for the save again.  Christian and Brodus are very good additions to this feud as you can only have Alberto and Edge talk to each other and brawl so many times.  With the non-Canadians dominating Teddy Long is here, making the obvious tag team main event.  For some reason this is historic.  I’m not sure why but that’s just what you say in wrestling.

Cole says that he’s a pop icon, not just an announcer.  Tonight he has the “interview of the year” with Cena.

Kane vs. Wade Barrett

We get a recap of the Corre vs. Big Show with Kane getting involved in said feud last week.  Barrett says Kane has made some mistakes, including not accepting what Corre did for him recently.  Barrett calls Kane a great big chemical experiment mistake.  Barrett goes right for him and takes over to start us off.  Kane fires back and it’s a brawl in the early going.

And never mind as Corre is here 42 seconds in.  Big Show comes out with a chair for the save and we take a break.

Big Show/Kane vs. Heath Slater/Wade Barrett

This is in progress when we get back as Show beats up Slater.  Off to Barrett now who gets beaten down also.  Show chops away at him in the corner and adds a clothesline.  Chokeslam misses though and Barrett goes after the knee.  He stomps Show down and it’s off to Slater.  How did Barrett go from the biggest heel in the company to this in just a few months?

Slater chokes away and Booker doesn’t seem that worried about Show.  Apparently the champion should be listened to as Show gets up and drops Slater on his back to break it up.  Lukewarm tag to Kane who destroys Slater and takes down Barrett also.  Big boot sets up the call for the chokeslam but Corre comes in AGAIN and it’s another DQ at 3:20.

Rating: D+. This was more or less a squash for the whole match.  Show and Kane were never in any real danger as all Barrett was doing to Show was stomping him.  I’m still waiting on Corre to actually do something of note (the tag titles haven’t been noteworthy in forever) and I think I’m waiting in vain.

Big beatdown follows until Show grabs a chair.  Down goes everyone in Corre as Show stands very tall.  And then he takes the chair and cracks Kane over the back with it as payback for last week.

Rey is up next.

Scratch that as instead we’re going to waste about 10 minutes on the Austin/JBL/Cole segment first.  Again, couldn’t we use this time on a wrestling show for, like, wrestling?

Back with Cole comparing that night to being a war correspondent.  That’s almost like comparing 9/11 to a steroids trial.  Wait….

Now Cody is up next?  Was Rey just forgotten or something?

Cody Rhodes vs. JTG

Cody is in a suit here.  Well at least he took the jacket and tie off.  JTG, the NXT pro mind you, doesn’t even get an introduction.  We get a clip of Dusty helping his son jump Rey a few weeks ago.  Dusty telling his boy to apologize is kind of funny.  Apparently Cody doesn’t want to be called Dashing anymore.  Cody jumps him to start and hammers away as we get a Texas Outlaws reference.  He hits JTG in the face with a headbutt complete with the loaded mask and then Cross Rhodes ends it in 53 seconds, somehow the second longest match tonight so far.

We waste another 4 minutes or so by showing the HBK thing from Raw where he talks about HHH.  That marks about 14 minutes of this show dedicated to just showing stuff from Raw again, or roughly 1/8 of the total time of the show including commercials.  Great job guys.

Here’s another Raw guy, this time John Cena, for an interview with Michael Cole.  First up, another minute long clip added on from Raw, this time of Miz jumping Cena to end the show.  Cena sends Cole back to the announce table and addresses Miz.  He says he’s done with wasting his time with BS and if Miz wants to make a statement and be the face of the WWE, then Cena’s new goal is breaking the face of the WWE.

Cena gets ready to leave but Cole says he isn’t done yet.  Cole says Cena is underestimating Miz as Miz shut Cole up Monday.  This prompts Cena to rip his shirt off and cue Swagger for the save.  He gets Cena in the ankle lock but winds up taking an FU for his troubles.

Sin Cara video, which is still awesome.

Kaitlyn vs. Layla

Kaitlyn is from Houston and therefore a hometown girl.  Booker says quack, quack for some reason.  Are the girls are animals now according to commentators?  Kaitlyn dominates to start as Layla wants help from Michelle.  McCool distracts and Layla gets a kick and the Layout Neckbreaker to end this at 54 seconds.  Have we warped back to Superstars in the 80s and I wasn’t told???

McCool knees Kaitlyn in the back of the head post match.

Rey Mysterio vs. Drew McIntyre

The bell rings and Drew kicks Rey’s head off.  All Drew to start as he uses size and power to take over.  He shouts that Rey isn’t going to Wrestlemania as we hit a modified bow and arrow.  Rey fights up and tries the 619 but we head to the floor.  They fight on the apron with Drew shoving him into the post and adding a backbreaker onto the apron which I’ve never seen before.

Back from a break with a modified surfboard on Rey.  Drew continues his dominance by sending Rey into the buckle chest first for two.  He sets for the Futureshock off the top but Rey knocks Drew down for a seated senton.  He tries a rotating cross body but Drew ducks for two.  Drew charges into the post shoulder first and Rey hits the 619 and the top rope splash to end this at 4:30 shown of 8:00.

Rating: C+. Pretty basic match here as the whole idea was about Drew trying to impress people to get a shot at Mania.  This wasn’t a squash as Drew controlled for the most part but I don’t think anyone really thought Rey was in any real trouble.  It does help however that this got a bit of time (yes on Smackdown 8 minutes is now considered time) and Drew got to look decent.

Post match Cody comes out and wants an answer to his challenge.  Rey says he wears the mask with pride and will wear it with pride at Wrestlemania when he beats down Cody Rhodes.  So the match is official.

Here’s HHH to respond to what Undertaker said on Raw.  What you’re not going to show us that too?  Ah instead we get a video on HHH, reminding us of how awesome he is.  Why do I have a feeling this was laying around the office just waiting on a chance to be aired?  He talks about how he saw the two greatest matches he’s ever seen in the last two Wrestlemanias between Undertaker and Shawn Michaels.

The question is why couldn’t Shawn win?  Shawn said on Raw that it was because of emotion.  Shawn went to the ring to not lose rather than win.  HHH’s dark side is going to keep him from having to worry about that.  He can do terrible things to people and not care.  That sounds like a horrible person but it’s true.  HHH says he’ll beat Taker at Wrestlemania because he’ll have no emotion or care about what stands before him.  Things that go bump in the night don’t scare him.  Please, not another “I’m not afraid of the dark” promos.  He thanks Taker for making it no holds barred and we’re done.

Christian is getting ready and Matt Striker asks him what it’s like to have Edge and Christian back together again.  Christian talks about all the things that have happened in the last ten years, listing things like Facebook, Twitter (Christian4Peeps apparently), Charlie Sheen losing his mind and about 15 other things, but we’ve never seen E and C back together.  Tonight we do.  Edge pops up to say nothing of note.

Edge/Christian vs. Alberto Del Rio/Brodus Clay

It’s a Ferrari tonight.  No entrance for Brodus but he gets his name read by Ricardo.  Christian vs. Brodus gets us going here.  Christian sticks and moves while firing a lot of right hands.  A corner splash misses and Christian wants the tornado DDT.  Alberto distracts though and it’s a suplex off the top for Brodus to give him control.  Alberto rams Christian into the railing outside but Edge chases him off.

Off to Del Rio as Edge hasn’t been in yet.  He starts in on Christian’s arm and drops a knee to the back for two.  The elbow pad gets ripped off and Christian is in trouble.  To the corner they go and Christian is able to knock him backwards and get a jumping back elbow off the middle rope to get us to even.  Tag in to Edge and Brodus at the same time with Brodus landing a powerslam on Edge for two.

He’s Big Bad Brodus Clay according to Cole.  Booker gets way too excited as usual as Edge gets up to set for the spear.  Instead Brodus flattens him but misses an Umaga-like charge in the corner.  Christian and Del Rio are sent to the floor.  Christian pops back up and hits the tornado DDT so that Edge can drop a top rope elbow on Clay for the pin at 5:53.  Never seen Edge use that before but if it’s a change from the spear I’ll take it.

Rating: C. Just your normal run of the mill main event tag match here.  There was more or less no way Edge and Christian were going to reunite for the first time in forever and lose so it’s not like the ending was ever in doubt.  Still though, this is good as it changes things up a bit, keeping us from having to sit through the same stuff time after time until Mania.

Overall Rating: C+. This is another odd show as the wrestling is incredibly light but a lot of stuff happened.  I can live with the lighter wrestling as they moved some stuff forward and got us a bit more ready for Mania.  This was a good show but with more wrestling and less Raw stuff it could have been a lot better.  I really hope this isn’t the new norm after Mania, because that would be very saddening.

Results

Kane b. Wade Barrett via DQ when the Corre interfered

Kane/Big Show b. Wade Barrett/Heath Slater via DQ when Corre interfered

Cody Rhodes b. JTG – Cross Rhodes

Layla b. Kaitlyn – Layout

Rey Mysterio b. Drew McIntyre – Top rope splash

Edge/Christian b. Alberto Del Rio/Brodus Clay – Top rope elbow to Clay

Impact
Date: March 10, 2011
Location: Crown Coliseum, Fayetteville, North Carolina
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
Episode Title: The Return of the Icon

Hey did you know that Victory Road was this Sunday?  You probably shouldn’t as it’s not like TNA has spent any TV time building anything for it outside of the quick mention of the tag title match last week.  Other than that we know very little for this PPV and the show is in 3 days.  We’re still in North Carolina this week and Sting is the new world champion.  Let’s get to it.

We open with a quick recap of the previous week’s shows and then it’s time for Sting to address the crowd.  He has a weird color scheme in his face paint that looks like there’s a bloody cross over his eye.  Sting talks about how he’s had a long career and the people have supported him every step of the way.  He talks about Jeff Hardy and how great he is and that he needs to get back to being his old self.

Cue Hogan and Bischoff with Hogan doing the talking.  He talks about how Sting saw it coming from miles away and no one believed them that Hogan was going to screw over TNA.  When no one believed it, he went home but now he’s back.  The fans don’t need another hero.  They have one named Hulk Hogan.

Sting says he went home but then he got a fire inside him, just like when he fought Flair or Hogan.  Sting says he has to start a new war and it starts right here.  Cue Anderson who says he wants his rematch.  The key word is “My” and he doesn’t care what Hogan or Bischoff or the Network says, he wants it.  Anderson introduces himself to Sting and Sting smiles at him.

Cue Hardy because this isn’t crowded enough already.  Anderson isn’t getting his shot yet is he?  He says he was robbed last week and that he’s awesome.  Hardy tells Anderson that the line for the world title starts behind Hardy.  Here’s RVD to complain some more.  Van Dam yells at everyone until Hogan starts talking again.  He calls the shots here and Bischoff makes RVD/Sting vs. Hardy/Anderson.  Hardy vs. Sting for the title at the PPV and Anderson vs. RVD grudge match.  Why do they have a grudge?

The girls talk in the back with the Jersey Shore chick talking and swearing a lot.  There’s a six girl tag later.  Winter gets rid of them and Velvet is still mad.

Samoa Joe vs. Pope next.

Samoa Joe vs. D’Angelo Dinero

Pope comes through the crowd and drills Okato with his chain to take over.  Joe hammers away on him with various strikes that leave Pope staggering.  Pope fights back a bit but gets destroyed by all kinds of things from Joe, namely a powerslam.  Joe tries a sleeper but runs into an STO for two.  Pope gets a turnbuckle pad off but walks into a suplex.  He grabs the chain from earlier and pops Joe in the head with it for the pin at 3:20.

Rating: C-. I’m not entirely sure what the point of this was.  If that was the blowoff to it I’m not sure what they’re thinking.  I don’t think it was but it’s a head scratching moment for sure.  Joe destroyed him for the most part and got caught by a single shot at the end to lose it.  Not sure where they’re going with it but hopefully that’s not the end of it.

Bully Ray yells at people and says he’ll be in the parking lot waiting on Dreamer.

Knockouts Title: Madison Rayne vs. ???

This is another open challenge.  My goodness Tara is stunning.  This week Roxxi answers it and is taken down quickly.  She misses a charge as this is all Madison early.  Spinebuster gets two for Roxxi as does a rollup.  That same neckbreaker/knee to the back combination by Madison ends this at 1:30.  This was nothing.  Mickie James comes out for the save.  So it’s back to this feud again?

Dreamer goes to the parking lot and says he’ll fight Ray right now.

After a break Ray is screaming for Dreamer.  How big is this parking lot that they can’t hear each other?  D-Von jumps Ray and beats the heck out of him by ramming him into various things, namely D-Von’s fists.  Ray begs for mercy as D-Von finds a chair to whip Bubba with.  D-Von gets a sledgehammer from a golf cart and Dreamer comes in to stop him from killing Ray.  After the leave Ray beats up the security guard just because.

Sarita/Cookie/Angelina vs. Angelina Love/Velvet Sky/Winter

Velvet and Angelina-Not Love start us off.  Winter and Angelina Love defend the tag titles against Sarita/Rosita on Sunday.  Everything breaks down quickly and here’s Robbie E to hold Velvet.  Winter teases hurting Velvet but saves her instead.  Winter bites Robbie’s hand so that Velvet can roll up Angelina-Not Love to win it at 1:50.  Was there a point to this other than girls in little clothing?  Not that I’m complaining.

We get a clip from a house show with Angle talking.  Anderson talks about the New York Jet interrupting Angle.  Angle says he’ll fight Bart Scott.

Anderson is in Immortal’s locker room and isn’t happy with having to team with Hardy.  Bischoff calms him down.

We recap Flair turning on Fourtune which was supposed to be shocking I think.  This also requires another Hogan appearance.

Ric Flair vs. Matt Hardy vs. AJ Styles

Flair is of course in a suit.  Nothing could go wrong with two North Carolina guys in North Carolina as heels right?  AJ is in jeans and a t-shirt   Flair says he hopes Flair country is grabbing AJ by the balls.  AJ says TNA is the house that AJ Styles built.  Flair says he made the town and has slept with most of the people’s mothers and fertilized Fayetteville.  Matt cuts AJ off and says AJ couldn’t understand what Matt has gone through in this business.  This isn’t personal though.

AJ blasts Matt as this is a 3 way street fight that continues after the bell.  Back with AJ hammering away on Matt with Flair on the floor.  The bell I believe rang pre-bell but it’s not quite clear.  Flair comes in for the first time during the match and hammers away.  That gets him nowhere as AJ takes him down and sets for the Figure Four.  He’s no Jay Lethal though so he can’t get a submission.  Matt drops the leg to break it up for two.

Out on the floor and Matt drills AJ with a chair and brings out a ladder.  Flair is all busted open again as is his custom.  Twist of Fate is blocked and Hardy goes into the ladder.  AJ beats up Flair for awhile as Matt grabs a Side Effect for two.  AJ avoids a chair shot from Ric and chops away.  Styles Clash is blocked and the Twist of Fate onto the chair allows Flair to win this at 9:58, assuming the bell rang just before the break.

Rating: C-. This ran long and I have no idea what the point of the three way aspect of it was.  Not much of a match but AJ vs. Matt does nothing for me at all.  This was ok I guess but at the same time, do we need to see Flair getting beaten up this badly in his early 60s?  I certainly don’t.

RVD isn’t happy that Sting thought he was part of THEY.

Generation Me vs. Ink Inc

Beer Money is on commentary here.  Jeremy vs. Shannon to start.  Storm talks about Shannon being his friend and the guy he came up and down the road with.  Gen Me has letters on their tights now so that helps.  Gen Me gets Kazarian and Robbie E in Ultimate X on Sunday.  Great to see them let that build.  Jeremy hits that springboard X Factor so that Max can come in to hammer away.

Shannon is the face in peril for awhile until it’s off to the fire red head hair.  He cleans house and hits a springboard cross body for two but can’t hit his spear in the corner.  Jeremy is brought back in and gets speared out of the air in a cool spot for…no cover.  Mooregasm ends Jeremy in 4:15.

Rating: C+. Just a tag match here to give Ink Inc some credibility.  This was nothing special for the most part but it did its job and the spear spot was cool.  Ink Inc has more or less no chance on Sunday but at least we get some build for the match here which is always good to see.

Both teams say basic things.

Jeff Hardy more or less threatens Anderson not to turn on him.  Anderson says he’s unorthodox and illogical because he’s a jerk.

Pope says he’s going to end this with Joe soon.

We recap the wedding from last week which was kind of awesome and VERY long.  The Jarretts are going on their honeymoon and going to Orlando.  Lots of sex is implied.

Package on Ultimate X.

We run down the Victory Road card.  In addition to the announced matches we also get Matt Hardy vs. AJ Styles and Morgan vs. Hernandez in a first blood match.  Ray vs. Dreamer also.

Sting talks about not wanting to become a wrestler but having his opinion changed.  TNA is his brand apparently and he doesn’t like Hogan/Bischoff/Hardy taking it over.  He says it’s been a great seven days and he’ll defend the title against anyone.  Anderson jumps him and beats him down, shouting about wanting his rematch.

Mr. Anderson/Jeff Hardy vs. Rob Van Dam/Sting

Some kid is doing the announcing here and sounds awful.  No Sting to stat us off here and after about three minutes there go the lights and on comes the music.  I know there isn’t much said there but it’s exactly what you would expect of it.  Sting is here, Death Drop, Five Star ends Anderson at 4:58.

Rating: C-. Weak main event here but they were so rushed with having to get to….uh all that other stuff.  Like the honeymoon announcement.  Yeah this was weak.

Overall Rating: C. This was ok and better than last week’s but not by much.  There was more going on here and it helped things a lot.  They had to rush thing through here to get us to the PPV this weekend and they did ok at it.  I’m not sure what they’re planning to get us to here and it’s getting a bit old.  Decent show but nothing great at all.

Results

D’Angelo Dinero b. Samoa Joe – Dinero pinned Joe after a shot with a chain

Madison Rayne b. Roxxi – Neckbreaker/knee to the back of the head combination

Angelina Love/Velvet Sky/Winter b. Angelina/Cookie/Sarita – Velvet rolled up Angelina

Ric Flair b. Matt Hardy and AJ Styles – Flair pinned Styles after a Twist of Fate from Hardy

Ink Inc b. Generation Me – Mooregasm to Jeremy

Rob Van Dam/Sting b. Mr. Anderson/Jeff Hardy – Five Star Frog Splash to Anderson

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 7, 2011
Location: American Airlines Center, Dallas, Texas
Attendance: 16,744
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews

After last week’s wrestling light show tonight we’re supposed to get Cena’s response to Rock which he says will be a final knockout.  With Mania more or less set all we have to do for the most part is finish the build to it.  There are four Raws left before then and hopefully they’re better than last week’s.  Austin is here tonight too which should help some.  Let’s get to it.

We open with a clip from last week of HHH talking about how his only remaining challenge is the Streak and ending it.

In the arena Taker comes to the ring complete with Johnny Cash music.  He talks about how people have been talking about how the Streak ends this year due to Father Time.  Or maybe it’s due to the Game, the King of Kings, Triple H.  Taker says that only one can be the Last Outlaw.  He shows us a highlight reel of the last two Mania matches, showing what happens to people that try to end his Streak.  The match at Mania is no holds barred apparently, and at Wrestlemania, HHH will Rest in Peace.

After telling us about Austin being here tonight we see Orton fighting off someone in the back.  It’s Otunga and Orton is double teamed by Otunga and Ryan.  Punk comes up and says McGillicutty is on the shelf.  Punk gets in his face and slams his head into what looks like a metal wall or cabinet.  GTS to Orton and Punk tells the two guys to take him to the ring as we go to a break.

Back with Nexus beating on Orton and then Otunga saying he’s ready for his match.  Randy says ring the bell.

Randy Orton vs. David Otunga

Otunga is in control quickly due to Orton being very weakened.  He pounds away and adds a slam for two.  Otunga gets his spinebuster for two which more or less seals the fate of the ending here.  He picks Orton up again and there’s the RKO to end it at 2:00.  Exactly what you would expect here.

Post match Ryan runs out after being thrown out pre-match and kicks Orton’s head off.  Orton fights him off and hits an RKO to leave him laying.  Punk comes out for the staredown while staying outside.  Orton snaps to attention and runs to the other side of the ring, punting Otunga as he gets up.  He did it so fast it was kind of hard to tell actually.  Replay shots the Punt looking great too.

Cole reveals his guest referee tonight.

Miz isn’t here tonight due to a lack of recognition.  That’s very true actually as it’s been about Rock vs. Cena.

Christian vs. Alberto Del Rio

Is there a reason this is on Raw and not on Smackdown?  Albert has Brodus Clay with his which is always a good thing.  Brodus has a mic with him so I might as well get this ready now.

Christian vs. Brodus Clay

Alberto says they’re going to fight but not tonight.  First off he has to beat Brodus Clay.  Yep I was right.  Clay takes him down almost immediately but Christian reverses a slam attempt.  Unprettier doesn’t work at all and Brodus takes over with raw power.  That would be opposed to Smackdown power of course.

He locks in an armbar which is very logical here.  There’s that T-Bone suplex but a splash misses.  A pair of dropkicks takes Brodus down for two.  Christian reverses a powerslam and a Tornado DDT gets the Canadian the win at 2:45.  Too short to grade but this was a good power vs. speed match which is the best kind of match.

Del Rio puts Christian in the Cross Armbreaker post match.

Package on Sin Cara.  They’re making him out to look like a big deal which is a good sign.

The newest Hall of Fane inductee (along with Michaels, Duggan and Bullet Bob Armstrong) is Sunny.  Oh yes this should be happening.  She’s the original Diva and belongs in the Hall of Fame.  Not a bit of sarcasm in there.

Women’s Title: Eve Torres vs. Nikki Bella

The bell is after the break.  Gail Kim is here with Eve.  Eve starts all fired up and hammers away on Nikki including a bicycle kick.  Cole talks about going to be on New Year’s Eve and waking up on Christmas morning.  That’s how he feels about introducing his referee tonight.  Cole literally gets up on the table and grabs a mic, saying we need to end this because he wants to announce his referee.  Eve uses the bottom rope as a springboard to get an enziguri.  Twin Magic gets caught and a spinning neckbreaker gives eve the win at 3:12.

Rating: C. Even with the Cole stuff in there the whole time this wasn’t bad for the most part.  Eve dominated and thankfully they didn’t manage to make things look stupid with the Twin Magic getting by again.  It makes the referee and wrestlers look stupid so I’m glad it failed here.  Decent match here and pretty good for the most part.  Should be interesting to see where it goes from here too.

Snooki of Jersey Shore will be Guest Star next week.  Dang it all.

It’s time for Cole to introduce his referee.  He has a contract and whoever signs said contract will be the referee.  If that’s not a way to cause some issues I don’t know what is.  Cole talks about how he’s been a fan of this guy for years and how he’s a guy that’s going to call the show right down the middle.  The referee Cole has picked is a legendary Texan and the fans want to cheer him so let’s start the chant: AUSTIN! AUSTIN! AUSTIN!  Cole says he fooled us because the referee is none other than JBL!

JBL talks about how Texas is a failure now with no championships in a long time.  Bradshaw looks slim here.  He talks about how until now no one has ever debuted in the main event, so I guess Lawrence Taylor and Mr. T. no longer exist.  He says that he’ll be an impartial referee and will return to the main event.

CUE GLASS SHATTER just before JBL can sign the contract.  Cole hides behind JBL so it’s a Stunner from him.  Time to drink some beer!  Cole sounds like he’s about to cry on commentary.  Austin looks down at the contract and up at the Mania sign.  With Cole crying that Austin ruined his night, Austin signs the contract and is the referee.  Austin goes out to Cole and shakes his hand before pouring beer on his head.  Cole leaves with one of the funniest looks on his face that you’ll ever see.  JBL gets another Stunner.  Hilarious segment with Cole cracking me up the whole time.

Back and Swagger says he’ll break Austin’s ankle.

Jerry takes over on commentary.

Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus

Sheamus charges to start but gets taken down and to the floor by Bryan where Sheamus seems to have hurt his ankle.  That actually gets a countout at 1:11.  Uh, ok?  Sheamus grabs a mic and says he’s on a losing streak but he’ll end that next week by becoming US Champion.  He challenges Bryan and says if he loses he’ll quit.

HBK will speak again later.

R-Truth vs. CM Punk

Truth grabs a rollup almost immediately for two.  Punk sends him shoulder first into the post twice and make it three times.  Truth tries to fight back and manages to escape the GTS.  A Rock Bottom and the Anaconda Vice (the real one, not some random hold that is called the Anaconda Vice) ends this at 2:35.  Total squash so no rating.

Shawn talks some more about HHH vs. Taker.  He talks about how HHH can do a lot and can go straight evil at times, taking emotion out of the equation.  Evil isn’t an emotion but rather a way of life I guess so that makes sense.

Vickie Guerrero comes out and we take a break.

Snooki is still coming next week.  I was hoping that was a nightmare but it seems not to be.

Vickie is here and Ziggler is rehired on Raw.  No real shock there.

John Morrison vs. Dolph Ziggler

Vickie is on commentary here and apparently she isn’t dating Dolph anymore.  Dolph dropkicks Morrison to the floor where he holds his knee as we take a break.  Back with Dolph in control but Morrison makes a bit of a comeback, even hitting the Moonlight Drive.  That more or less ends the comeback though as Ziggler hits the Zig Zag for the win at about 2:00 shown of 5:30.

Rating: D+. Can’t grade this fairly but it wasn’t much of a match.  Ziggler needed a win on his first match on the show so I can’t really complain much here.  Not much going on here as most of it was commercial.

E-Mail says that Dolph is hired, not Vickie.  She’s a polarizing figure but she can have a job if she beats Trish Stratus next week.  Security comes and takes her away.

We get the third clip of Rock’s promo last week.  Cena’s reply is next.

But first, a look at The Chaperone!

After a final piece of Rock’s promo, here’s Cena to deliver the Final Knockout.  Apparently he struck a nerve with Rock last week and Rock calls him various kinds of breakfast cereals.  Cena likes the schtick but apparently Rock doesn’t like rap.  So tonight, Cena will do it in hip hop.  I’ve always wanted to know what the difference is so this should be educational.  He talks about how Rock was reading off a teleprompter last week and how the only thing Rock is beating is himself.   Cena was here last week unlike Rock.  Rock is a disgrace and needs to just show up.  He says he’ll give Rock a pearl necklace, which he produces from his pocket.   Cena has another pocket, this time with Rock’s new shirt in it.  “I Bring It Via Satellite!”  That was good.  Cena says not to call him out again because that’s bringing a knife to a gun fight.

Cena turns around and walks into a belt shot from Miz who leaves him laying.  It’s aboutt ime Miz gets involved like this.  He’s been left out in the cold which makes me think there’s no title change coming at Mania.  Cena staggers up and takes another shot.  Miz says he’s tired of being disrespected and every time Rock and Cena go at it, Miz leaves Cena laying.  Miz: “The Rock, John Cena, Randy Savage and Liz.  Steve Austin and Bret Hart, they’re nothing compared to The Miz.”  Those might not be the right names but it’s the right rhyme.  Miz looks into the camera and tells Rock he’s the star of Mania.  He says he’ll take Rock’s glasses, his catchphrases, his father and his grandfather and shove them in Rock.  Skull Crushing Finale to Cena and a People’s Elbow ends the show.

Overall Rating: B+. This was much better than last week.  There was an energy here and a lot happened on this show.  Knowing that next week we get a Trish match as well as potentially more Austin and Rock and JBL, this worked rather well.  Mania is taking shape and it’s very fun to see the people that come out of the woodwork for the build to this show.  This is a show where the wrestling being light is an exception when they pack so much stuff in as almost everything had a point and wasn’t rehashing already established stuff.  Good show and I’m looking forward to next week, which wasn’t the case 7 days ago.

Smackdown
Date: March 4, 2011
Location: Quicken Loans Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Commentators: Booker T, Michael Cole, Josh Matthews

Well it’s another week closer to Wrestlemania and we’re coming off a kind of lackluster show last week.  However, we don’t have Vickie around anymore so I guess our ears will be in better shape now.  Tonight we have the official contract signing for Edge vs. Alberto and the approximately 100^th return on Smackdown of Undertaker.  There’s probably a DVD worth of them and I’m not exaggerating.  Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the events of last week that led to Vickie being fired.  She’s coming back isn’t she?

Edge and Alberto sign the contract tonight.

Theme song opens us up.

Here’s Edge whose left arm is taped up.  He talks about wanting to be able to look into Alberto’s eyes so Alberto can see what it takes to main event Wrestlemania.  Also he has a bone to pick with Alberto, as last week he was trying to say goodbye to Vickie but Alberto interrupted.  Edge wants to finish singing goodbye to Vickie though.  Drew McIntyre runs out though and is almost instantly sent to the floor.

Cue Teddy who wants to thank Drew.  He also wants to thank the fans around the world (assuming that was a misspeak) because they owe Drew a debt of gratitude because thanks to him, Vickie is gone.  Drew vs. Edge is made for right now.  Well right after the break and a thank you Drew chant led by Edge.

Drew McIntyre vs. Edge

Drew works on the arm to start as makes perfect sense.  Nice to see the show opening more or less with wrestling for once.  Edge tries to speed things up but gets caught in the face by a big boot and we go to the floor.  It’s been more or less all Drew in the first three minutes or so which has been about 80% arm work.  Drew says he’s going to end Edge’s career and then gets two in the ring.

There goes the arm tape and we hit the armbar again.  Hot crowd tonight as they chant for Edge.  Edge hits the floor and takes off his elbow pad.  We’re 30 days away from Wrestlemania.  That brings a smile to my face.  I love this time of year and we’re getting a pretty decent build to the show.  Edge plays possum on the floor and gets a backdrop to shift the momentum.

Back in and Edge gets a top rope cross body for two.  Booker completely ignores Josh’s questions about what Booker thinks of Edge’s arm injury.  Out of NOWHERE Edge hits the spear for…two as he picks Drew up.  Instead he throws on the Edgecator (the kneeling half Sharpshooter since he doesn’t use it that often) for the tap out at 5:15.  During the post match stuff Cole says it was a new move to Edge’s arsenal.  Considering it has a name I think that would be incorrect.

Rating: C+. Just a quick opener here but they had some psychology in there from Drew as he went after an injured body part.  I’m not entirely sure I get why Drew ran in to Vickie’s defense as I know he was defending her last week but I didn’t think they were best friends or something.  Fine for a quick opener and it added something to Edge as he apparently has a “new” finisher.

Show vs. Kane later.

Cole brings up his match with Lawler but apparently he’s not talking about that right now.

Here’s Rey….in a suit?  Cole says he’s back.  He was there last week so I guess everyone is back this week.  He also grew about 8 inches.  If you didn’t get that it’s not Rey but rather Cody Rhodes as the music changes and the mirror pops up on the screen.  We see a clip of the Rhodes’ beatdown from last week on the real Rey which really was good stuff.

Cody says don’t look at him.  Maybe the whole coming out in a Rey mask with loud rap music and fireworks before switching over to another song which would confuse the fans and then standing in the middle of a ring in the middle of the arena while talking and with a microphone amplifying your voice is causing them to look at you?  Anyway, Cody talks about wanting to get revenge on Rey, giving him just a fraction of the damage that Rey gave to Cody.  He challenges Rey for Mania and promises and promises to expose Rey’s face on the grandest stage of all.

In the back Corre comes up to talk to Kane.  They say that they helped Kane get the biggest victory of his career.  Tonight they want him to beat Show.  I’m assuming foreshadowing here?

Tag titles on the line next.

Tag Titles: Heath Slater/Justin Gabriel vs. Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov

Ok, PLEASE let this be the last match between these teams.  Is there a reason why a Raw (complete with name graphic) team is challenging on Smackdown when the tag champions can compete on both shows?  Santino and Gabriel start us off with Gabriel scaring Santino back with kicks and Santino scaring Gabriel back with the threat of the Cobra.  Santino gets the first offense in with a slam.

Booker still doesn’t like Jackson and still thinks he’s a thug.  Off to Kozlov as Booker intentionally ignores Cole.  Cobra puts Gabriel on the floor as we take a break.  Back with the Russian holding Slater in a headlock on the mat.  Slates goes for the knee and down goes Kozlov.  Barrett sneaks in a shot and Booker isn’t happy.  Off to Gabriel and we get a Santino chant.

Cravate by Gabriel as Cole brings up some cheating moments from Booker’s career.  Booker says “My career is….” and he’s cut off by having to stop to call the match.  I didn’t think he had retired or anything officially so that could have been interesting.  Anyway Kozlov takes Slater down and it’s off to Santino.  He gets his usual offense on Slater and hits the salute headbutt for two.  Everything breaks down and Santino loads up the Cobra.  He takes Barrett down with it but Slater hits a reverse DDT to retain at 4:06 shown of 7:36.

Rating: C-. Ok, we get it: Corre can beat Santino and Kozlov.  Now give us something else with these teams.  This would be a good chance to start rebuilding the tag division with some random teams facing Corre but that’s not going to happen.  Nothing special at all here and more of the same stuff we’ve seen a half dozen times with these guys.

Christian is back next week.  No word on if that’s in the ring or not.  At the same time we recap his injury and return at the PPV.  No mention of him at the Slammys which was hilarious.

Alberto and Ricardo are in the back and Alberto says he almost captured his essence.  That’s all there is to this segment.  No idea what the point of that was.

Time to talk about Taker vs. HHH and by that I mean show the HHH promo from Raw in its entirety.  You know, you could get A LOT more wrestling on the two shows not named Raw if you stopped airing five minutes worth of talking from Raw on them.  This would have been a far better promo if they hadn’t fought already at Wrestlemania in a good match.

Here comes Taker to the Johnny Cash song.  I’d really rather hear the organ music for him as it just fits better.  Cash is awesome but at the same time it just doesn’t seem right for someone like Taker.  Taker is actually kind of moving to get down to the ring.  I almost couldn’t finish marinating the turkey I cooked while he was coming down.  At least the song fits the character so that helps.

Taker talks about how surprising he finds it that the greatest of the great don’t know when to leave well enough alone.  There are some things that just can’t be done.  There are mountains that can’t be climbed, seas that can’t be crossed, and Streaks that can’t be broken.  He agrees with a lot of what HHH said as they’re the last of a dying breed and the last of an era.  Taker thinks that HHH is the greatest world champion over the last fifteen years.  That’s covering a lot of ground there Deadman.

HHH claims to have found the way to get rid of the Undertaker: beat him at Wrestlemania.  That’s easier said than done though.  If HHH can do it, he will be the Game and the King of Kings.  But if he loses, he will become nothing more than a number and a name on a list.  You mean like he already is?

Taker plays no game and bows down to no man, especially the king of kings.  At Wrestlemania, HHH will find out that Undertaker is the Last Outlaw.  That’s the new name I guess.  HHH will also find out what it means to Rest in Peace.  This was more like Mark Calloway playing Undertaker rather than Undertaker if that makes sense.

We see a clip from the Sin Cara/Mistico contract signing.  That’s another step for WWE in their international push.  Having lots of guys of different nationalities worked in the 60s and 70s so why not here?

Rosa Mendes/Beth Phoenix vs. Laycool

I guess the foot is ok.  During Laycool’s entrance Cole goes on a rant against journalism and the internet for overplaying the problems Laycool has been having.  Beth and Michelle start but it’s off to Rosa and Layla very quickly.  Booker mentions that Laycool is like Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie.  Last week I thought Michelle was starting to seem a lot like Hilton so maybe I was onto something.

Off to Beth vs. Layla now with Beth dominating her.  Beth completely destroys her of course and a powerslam gets two.  Michelle gets a big boot to the head of Beth for the pin at 2:20.  There’s a possibility that the boot is loaded.  I guess the Laycool problems are put of hold for a week which might be a good thing at the moment.  No rating as again this was short but the Smackdown Divas are so far ahead of the Raw Divas it’s unreal.

Big Show vs. Kane

Remember that Corre talked to Kane earlier tonight so they might get involved here.  They also show the clip from last week with Show running Corre off with a chair.  This is match #847 or so between these two.  Show backs him into the corner but gets drilled in the chin for his niceness.  K-Mart is sponsoring the live tours now.  K-Mart still exists?  There used to be like 4 here in Lexington and now there is one and no one goes there.  Double clothesline makes it seem like it’s time for a break but here comes Corre with a chair.  Barrett slides it to Kane and it’s a DQ at 1:16.

Kane cracks Show with it and Corre comes in for the beatdown.  Then Kane cracks Gabriel with it and runs off Corre with the chair.  Huh?

We hear Shawn’s thoughts on HHH vs. Taker where he still doesn’t really say anything.

Here’s Jack Swagger.  Basically this is to push Cole as Swagger’s student.  There’s a Team Cole now.  Better than Team Edward.  Cole says that on Monday we’re going to find out who the referee is.  The referee is awesome and one of the best of all time.  Also, the referee, Swagger, Cole and LeBron James think Cleveland stinks.

Jack Swagger vs. JTG

This starts after a break.  Cole goes on a huge rant, explaining how Swagger has been teaching him.  Swagger massacres JTG, hitting two Vader Bombs seconds in and the ankle lock ends this in 1:03.  I think Cole’s entire speech was one long sentence.

Since it’s been a full five minutes since we talked about Raw, here’s a recap of Rock’s promo on Raw.  This one is thankfully cut down.

Edge defaces a painting of Alberto and leaves it in the back.  Ok then.

Time for the contract signing with Teddy moderating things I guess.  I love that smirk on Alberto.  I’ve seen him live and you can tell he’s having a blast.  Why does Alberto keep paying Ricardo if he introduces himself a minute later?  Ricardo starts singing the Mexican national anthem but here’s Edge to save our ears.  Teddy wants to know if we can have a contract signing end peacefully.  Oh Teddy, you poor bad dancing stupid bald man.

The idiotic fans chant USA while the Canadian talks to the Mexican.  Maybe they’re cheering for Teddy?  Edge tells Alberto he doesn’t know what it’s like fighting on the biggest stage in the world.  Alberto says this is his destiny.  Edge says destiny can change and Alberto’s destiny may be to lose at Mania.  Intense stuff here from both guys.  Del Rio signs but it looked like just one word.  Edge signs too and I guess everything is ok.

Edge asks Teddy if he remembers asking if a contract signing can end peacefully.  He says he has an answer and Teddy sprints out of the ring.  Edge hammers away and clears the ring of all the Mexican stuff Del Rio had set up.  He sets for the spear but Ricardo grabs his feet and Del Rio hammers away.  Cross Armbreaker goes on and Edge kind of taps.  It’s let go quickly for no reason and Edge barely sells it on the mat. At least grab your arm dude.

Out to the floor and Edge’s nose is busted.  I’m surprised they didn’t blur it out.  Ricardo hands Del Rio a chair and it gets wrapped around the arm of Edge.  Christian runs out (in wrestling gear) for the save.  He beats Del Rio for a good while before security breaks it up to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. MUCH better than last week.  It’s not a great show but it’s a definite improvement as there was a lot more energy this time around.  Storylines were advanced and there were some new developments.  I still wish they’d cut out the Raw stuff but I guess it’s a Mania thing.  Also some additional wrestling would help.  Still though this was a solid show and entertaining throughout.  Good show this week.

Results

Edge b. Drew McIntyre – Edgecator

Heath Slater/Justin Gabriel b. Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov – Reverse DDT to Marella

Laycool b. Beth Phoenix/Rosa Mendes – Layla pinned Phoenix after a big boot from McCool

Big Show b. Kane via DQ when Kane used a chair

Jack Swagger b. JTG – Ankle Lock