Impact Wrestling
Date: March 15, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

It’s the go home show for Victory Road which likely means that we’ll see more of a build between Roode vs. Sting. Also we’ve got Abyss running around (ok more like slowly walking) without his mask, talking about how he’s looking for his “brother”. That’s actually the most intriguing storyline on the show at the moment. Also there’s probably going to be more in the Bischoff saga. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Sting vs. Roode. Their contract signing is tonight. Shouldn’t that have been taken care of more than three days before the PPV?

Here’s Storm to talk about Bobby Roode. Roode is selfish and that’s what’s wrong with the world today: too many takers and not enough givers. At Lockdown, he’s going to give, want and take. He’s going to give Roode a whipping, Roode is going to want mercy and he’s going to take the world title. Storm isn’t sorry for Roode’s luck, because Roode is going to need all the luck he can get.

Storm is about to leave but here’s Ray. Ray says he kicked a chair into Storm’s head. Storm says he kicked Ray’s teeth down his throat. Ray says kiss my calves and that Storm isn’t making it to Lockdown. Storm goes into the aisle and wants to fight right now. They argue for awhile and Gunner comes out for some reason. He and storm get into it but suits and agents come out to break it up. Storm had ankle surgery earlier this week so hopefully he can go on Sunday.

Gail and Madison argue in the back even more and run into Sting. He tells them to chill because he’s got Roode on his mind. Gail vs. Mickie tonight and Madison vs. Velvet.

Roode rants about Sting being in the main event.

Velvet Sky vs. Madison Rayne

Madison tries to jump Velvet during her entrance but Velvet takes her down. No pigeons this week. Low dropkick gets two for Sky and here comes Madison. Madison chokes her on the ropes and hooks a cravate. That goes nowhere so Madison throws her to the floor. Neckbreaker gets two back inside. Off to a chinlock but Velvet comes back with a jawbreaker. Velvet comes back with forearms, a clothesline and a bulldog. Madison breaks up whatever Velvet was attempting out of a headlock. Velvet tries an O’Connor Roll but Madison reverses into one of her own and uses the tights for the pin at 4:00.

Rating: C-. Any match that ends with Velvet’s tights being pulled up is a good thing. This wasn’t that bad and they continue to be a million miles ahead of the Divas. Having four minutes and some personalities help with that though. Not a good match or anything but they weren’t horrible and the girls looked hot, which is all you can ask for most of the time.

Morgan and Crimson debate whether it’s about money or wins.

Crimson vs. Samoa Joe

Joe pounds him into the corner and hits the enziguri in the other corner. Knee drop gets two. Crimson comes back and takes Joe down, hitting a running low boot for two. Off to the Cravate and into a neckbreaker for two. Joe comes back with an atomic drop and a backsplash for two. Snap powerslam gets two for the Samoan. Crimson comes back with a spinebuster for two. Crimson charges into the release Rock Bottom in the corner and Joe loads up the MuscleBuster, but the partners get in a fight on the floor. The distraction allows Crimson to spear Joe for the pin at 4:31.

Rating: C+. I liked this more than I expected to. Sometimes the idea is just to have guys use power moves on each other and that’s what we had here. I’m pretty tired of this feud but at least it’s probably getting close to being over. That being said, I’m not sure where they go with Crimson after this feud ends. He’s kind of stuck and he’s certainly not ready for the title picture yet. Hard to say.

Aries has champagne and is up next.

Back and Aries is in the ring. He talks about how he’s now the longest reigning X Champion ever and has a video about his greatness. He thanks the other X guys for not being that good and has a drink. Here’s Ion to interrupt. Zema says that last week he beat Aries at his (Ion’s) own game. Give him the title now, or Aries might suffer the same fate as Jesse Sorensen. Aries lets Ion do the toast and the drink goes in Aries’ face. Aries pours the rest of the bottle on him and throws Ion out like trash.

Joseph Park (is it Park or Parks?) talks to Gunner but Gunner blows him off.

We recap the proposal last week. The two of them are in the back and discuss the wedding plans. They debate places they could have the wedding. Yep, it’ll be in the ring.

Angle doesn’t like Garrett Bischoff or Jeff Hardy.

Sting says you’ll see every side of Sting’s personality and career on Sunday.

Mickie James vs. Gail Kim

Mickie controls to start and throws her to the mat for two. Out to the floor and Gail grabs the belt. She gets it knocked out of her hands and Mickie brings her back in. Mickie tries to hook a victory roll in the corner but Gail Stuns her leg to take over. Gail works on the knee for a long while but gets rolled up for two. Neckbreaker gets two for Mickie as does the middle rope Press. Gail goes to the floor and this time the belt shot works, getting the pin at 5:21.

Rating: C. This was better than the previous match but the ending sucked. I guess they had to keep Mickie looking strong for some reason but they couldn’t let the champion lose before the PPV. Not a bad match and Mickie had a lot of upskirt shots which is never a bad thing. Decent little match.

Anderson is in the back and Daniels/Kaz bring up some lemonade. They want to know what Anderson is doing in this because he’s not involved. Also why pick AJ’s side instead of theirs? There’s a tag match Sunday.

Christopher Daniels vs. Mr. Anderson

Tenay suggests that Kaz is suffering from Stockholm Syndrome with Daniels. Anderson starts fast and sends Daniels to the floor. Daniels is bleeding from the cheek a bit. Anderson sends him into the barricade and then back inside. We talk about Joseph Park and apparently he’s an attorney from Chicago. Anderson gets a rollup for two but Daniels comes back with a bridging northern lights suplex for two. A slingshot moonsault eats knees though and Anderson hooks a neckbreaker for two. Daniels tries something in the corner but gets caught in the rolling fireman’s carry slam for two. Here’s Kaz but AJ pulls him off the apron and knocks him to the back. Mic Check gets the pin at 5:45.

Rating: C-. I’m not a fan of either of these guys and this was no exception. I don’t really get the point of this feud, but that might be because I’m tired of AJ vs. Daniels. For some reason the people love it though and that’s why it keeps happening. As for Anderson being AJ’s partner….I guess someone had to.

Kurt Angle vs. Garrett Bischoff

This is a five minute challenge and the latest chapter in “How many big stars can we put Garrett in the ring with in the hopes that someone cares about him because the guy has NO freaking talent but he’s Eric Bischoff’s son and since Eric Bischoff never learned from Erik Watts or Vince McMahon and doesn’t get that most people’s kids can’t freaking wrestle he’s putting his son out there with guys like Hogan and Angle when the kid can barely do anything beyond an armdrag but that’s not his fault because really, would you say no to the spot” story.

Angle dominates him and takes him to the mat with ease. He hooks a chinlock and then throws Garrett to the floor. Bischoff gets in some right hands but gets caught in a snap suplex on the floor. Angle suplexes him a lot as the clock starts to run out. Garrett escapes the Angle Slam and throws Kurt to the floor with thirty seconds to go. Angle hits the Slam with 2 seconds left but the time expires.

Rating: D. So what was the point of this? Garrett can take a beating for a long time, throw Kurt to the floor and not get pinned even though he got killed? Knowing TNA, they’ll praise him for being gutsy and accomplishing more than anyone thought he could or some nonsense like that. I’m so tired of this, and it’s really not Garrett’s fault.

Angle puts him in the ankle lock until Jeff makes the save.

The Robs have nothing to say but there’s another open challenge this Sunday.

We run down the card for Sunday and Sting vs. Roode is no holds barred.

James Storm vs. Gunner

They slug it out to start and Gunner goes to the eyes. Gunner takes over quickly and throws Storm to the floor for a bit. Back in and Gunner cranks on the neck as Ray tells Gunner to put his fist into Storm’s head. Storm comes back with clotheslines and forearms followed by the Codebreaker (now dubbed Closing Time). Last Call ends this at 3:51.

Rating: D+. Not much here but it’s good to have Storm get a win like this before the match on Sunday. Gunner is still almost entirely worthless in important matches but having him as a jobber to the stars isn’t a bad idea. Storm continues to look like a star in the last few months and hopefully he gets the title at Lockdown as he should.

Video on Roode vs. Sting and their match at Victory Road.

Both Sting and Roode are in the ring for the contract signing. Both sign and then Roode has something to say. He remembers becoming the world champion and every day since then, Sting has been a thorn in his side. Twenty two years ago Sting won his first world title and had everything going for him. Now Sting is jealous of Roode because he sees himself 22 years ago but even better. Sting is always around stealing the spotlight from the younger guys and why?

Sting isn’t as young as he used to be and is getting older and slower. He wears face paint to hide what he sees because he knows he doesn’t have it anymore. This is all Roode talking in case that wasn’t clear. On Sunday, Roode is going to expose him for someone that should have left a long time ago.

Sting stands up and puts paint on his face but Roode says he’s not afraid of it. Now Sting puts the paint on Roode’s face and beats him up, destroying his knee in the process with kicks. He clotheslines Roode to the floor to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. This wasn’t much as its own show but it built up the PPV quite well. Now that being said, I’m not particularly interested in the show on Sunday. It couldn’t be more of a filler PPV before the major show in Lockdown anyway but that means it has no expectations, which usually tend to be better shows. It should be somewhat entertaining though.

Results
Madison Rayne b. Velvet Sky – Rollup with a handful of tights
Crimson b. Samoa Joe – Spear
Gail Kim b. Mickie James – Pin after a shot with the Knockouts Title Belt
Mr. Anderson b. Christopher Daniels – Mic Check
Kurt Angle vs. Garrett Bischoff went to a time limit draw
James Storm b. Gunner – Last Call

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NXT
Date: March 14, 2012
Location: Nationwide Arena, Columbus, Ohio
Commentators: Josh Matthews, William Regal

With this show, half of NXT has been in this season. I can’t believe that. I mean, it feels like we’ve been at that point for years and years. Anyway, Regal is in his second week in power now and hopefully something changes because last week was the same thing as we’ve always had. Tonight’s big match is a mixed tag with Bateman/Kaitlyn vs. Maxine/Curtis. Let’s get to it.

Striker and Regal are in the ring to open the show. Regal is the Official Match Coordinator. Tonight is all tag matches.

Titus O’Neil/Darren Young vs. Usos

The heels make fun of the Siva Tao on their way to the ring. Titus gets beaten down in the corner almost immediately. The Usos double team and use some nice coordination for a corner splash for two on O’Neil. Darren comes in and walks into an uppercut from Jey. Young gets launched over the top in the corner and Jimmy hits a cross body off the apron. Jey takes out Titus and we’re almost in squash territory here.

We take a break and come back with Jimmy and Darren slugging it out, won by Darren. Back to Titus who rams Jimmy into the corner and it’s right back to Darren. The heels double team well enough to send Jimmy into the apron and out to the floor. The beating continues for awhile until Jimmy gets something like a superkick up in the corner to take Young down. There’s the double tag to bring in Titus and Jey. The place erupted for the tag and then just kind of stopped caring. They’ve been hot so far though. Samoan Drop takes down Titus and the Superfly Splash gets the pin at 8:05.

Rating: C. Not bad and I’m sure it won’t lead anywhere for the Usos. They’ve been dominant on this show forever but can’t get a title run because we need to see Kofi and whatever partner he has this week beat the champions but not be able to get the titles. The match was fine though.

Percy Watson and Alex Riley talk about basketball in the back. They have a tag match later tonight. Reks and Hawkins come in and Regal pops up (this was earlier in the day apparently) to make the tag match. If Reks/Hawkins lose, they’re doing Regal’s laundry.

Curt Hawkins/Tyler Reks vs. Alex Riley/Percy Watson

Watson starts with Reks but gets caught in the wrong corner. The double teaming allows Reks to take over and Watson is in trouble early. A knee drop gets two. Off to Hawkins and the chinlock. This is a really dull match. Unlike the previous one which built up a hot tag, this has been Reks and Hawkins in control from the star with nothing interesting at all. Watson comes back with a belly to belly throw and there’s the tag to Riley with no pop from the crowd this time. Riley is now the Rare Breed. Oh boy. Riley takes Hawkins down but a distraction from Reks allows Hawkins to slam him off and hit a top rope elbow for the pin at 5:05.

Rating: D. Like I said during the match, this wasn’t interesting at all. Reks and Hawkins are the villains of the show I guess but they’re not doing anything interesting. Granted that’s probably because they lose half of the time and haven’t done anything but be annoying so far. Hopefully Riley and Watson don’t team together that often as they’re not that interesting.

Maxine is leaving a note for Striker when Kaitlyn runs in and rams into her. She’s playing tag with Bateman apparently. Someone canceled Kaitlyn’s flight again but Maxine says she doesn’t know anything about that. Bateman comes in as does Curtis who apparently wants a fourway. In the ring that is. Apparently there really was a game of tag going on.

Here’s Michael McGillicutty in street clothes. On the way to the ring we see a recap of his feud with Kidd. McGillicutty gets on the fans for being pathetic and demands respect. Kidd talking about hanging out with Bret Hart is lame too. No rematch either. Here’s Tyson to talk about how he’s been with the Harts since he was 16. McGillicutty says that no matter what he does, Kidd will never be a Hart. Kidd hits him with the mic and they go to the floor. Tyson tries for a Sharpshooter but Michael runs away. McGillicutty agrees to the rematch.

Raw ReBound makes sure the main event isn’t that long.

Kaitlyn/Derrick Bateman vs. Maxine/Johnny Curtis

Regal says Bateman was raised by nuns. No joke there, just a statement of fact. The girls start and Maxine gets taken down a lot. Apparently that was Regal’s office they were in rather than Striker’s. Maxine is frustrated and we take a break. Back with the guys in there and Curtis taking him to the mat by the leg. Curtis keeps looking at Kaitlyn and dancing for her which results in a Bateman rollup for two. Regal works in an Exotic Adrian Street reference for you old time fans. Kaitlyn slaps Curtis and the falling bulldog gets the pin at 3:32. Since a good bit of that was on a commercial no rating, but this was nothing.

Kaitlyn hugs Bateman’s mom as she leaves.

Bateman says that Maxine can go with whomever she wants, be it Curtis or Regal. Regal: “Wait what?” Bateman says tag, you’re it to Kaitlyn and kisses her to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. So that’s NXT for the week. It ran about 45 minutes, there were three tag matches which weren’t very good, there’s a new couple which we pretty much knew would happen and I won’t think about this show again until next week. That’s all NXT is anymore: 45 minutes of subpar wrestling that I don’t think about after I watch it. Why is this just now a revelation?

Results
Usos b. Titus O’Neil/Darren Young – Superfly Splash to O’Neil
Curt Hawkins/Tyler Reks b. Alex Riley/Percy Watson – Top Rope Elbow to Watson
Derrick Bateman/Kaitlyn b. Maxine/Johnny Curtis – Sweetness to Curtis

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Monday Night Raw
Date: March 12, 2012
Location: Quicken Loans Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
Guest Star: James Roday

We’re a step closer to Wrestlemania now so it’s hard to say what to expect. Well actually it isn’t but that sounds better. Tonight we’ll probably get more of Rock vs. Cena, although I’m not sure if Rock is going to be here tonight. Undertaker and HBK both will be though and their confrontation is one of the highlights of the show. Let’s get to it.

Oh and I forgot: tonight Cena raps and we get another Rock concert.

The full theme song and opening sequence starts things out. We haven’t seen that in awhile.

Lawler announces the Rock and Rap concert in the shadow of the Rock N Roll (Express?) Hall of Fame. We’re going to start with Thuganomics so here’s Cena in the Word Life gear, complete with chain and throwback jersey. He starts with a LeBron James joke to get the crowd to love him. If Rock gets all choked up, it’s all in the wrist. I can’t do these lines justice by just writing them out. He mentions the Tooth Fairy chant from last week. This one is short though and ends with him throwing nuts at the camera, like he’ll do at Rock’s face.

Here’s Vickie who I can’t understand. She introduces Dolph. Ok then.

Sheamus vs. Dolph Ziggler

Sheamus’ march through the midcard continues. Ziggler can’t quite pull off the pink but at least he matches Vickie. Sheamus takes him to the mat and then runs him over to start. Back to the mat with an armtrap headlock. Forearms in the ropes take us to the first break. Back with Sheamus clotheslining Dolph down. Sheamus hip tosses him to the outside but Dolph slips under the ring and hits a dropkick to take over.

Still on the floor Sheamus is rammed into the back and both guys are down. OH MAN there’s a bit mark on his back. He manages to get back in at about eight and Dolph stomps away. Off to a chinlock as AJ and Bryan are in a skybox watching. Josh is up there so let’s cut to Bryan talking instead of watching the match. AJ is scared of Bryan after Bryan told her to shut up last week.

Sheamus comes back with a tilt-a-whirl slam for two. Celtic Cross is countered and a one man flapjack gets two. They botch what could have been a cool ending as Ziggler hooks a crucifix but Sheamus tries to pull him into White Noise but can’t get him up. Fameasser gets two. Brogue Kick finishes clean at 11:53.

Rating: B-. Sheamus dominating the upper midcard is fine but they desperately need something substantial to make us care about the Bryan match. When Bryan hasn’t beaten anyone big on his own in months, there’s no reason to care about the match. Then again no one in charge cares about this match at all so it doesn’t really matter.

The Battle of the General Managers match was announced earlier on WWE.com The GM’s will get to pick their own teams and the winner gets to run both shows.

Santino Marella/Aksana vs. David Otunga/

Santino is captain for Team Teddy at Mania. Oh dear. Ace is on commentary here. Otunga is Ace’s captain. Ace says hold it a minute. There’s not going to be a mixed tag. Instead it’s a handicap match.

Santino Marella vs. David Otunga/Mark Henry

Teddy comes out to an actual pop. Aksana is on the apron even though we were told this was a handicap. It’s a 12 man tag at Mania. Teddy escorts Aksana out as Otunga jumps Santino. Teddy shoves Ace down and we’re missing the match for the second time tonight. Santino avoids Otunga and comes back with his usual stuff but Henry makes a blind tag. He grabs the Cobra and headbutts Santino down. World’s Strongest Slam makes Santino the latest squashed champion at 1:32.

Kofi comes out for the save but is beaten down as well. Truth comes out but is beaten down as well. Ace officially announces Henry as the second man on his team.

Preview for Psych, guest starring Miz.

Piece from Extra with the Bellas and Alicia talking about Mania and Rock vs. Cena.

Eve and her AWESOME rack is in the back when Ryder comes up. He wonders why Eve hasn’t answered his calls this week. Ryder asks if she’s playing him so she says be friends with benefits instead. Beth comes up and says she should have been on Extra. She’s going to see Maria Menunos on Extra. I smell a celebrity match. Ryder leaves and Beth says she could get Ryder wrapped around her finger too if she wanted. Eve says she’d mind and leaves.

Ace is on the phone when Miz (hometown pop) comes in. He wants to know when he’ll be added to Team Ace. Ace was on the phone with a member of the Board of Directors so Ace is mad. James Roday of Psych comes in and Miz says he’s a guest star, which is the star power Team Ace needs. Miz has a match tonight and if he wins, he’s on the team. Roday is guest ring announcer. He says he’ll Fink it up tonight. Oh and Miz is facing CM Punk.

BRODUS IS BACK NEXT!!!!!

Jinder Mahal vs. Brodus Clay

Jinder now has a case for his turban. The girls still look good, this time in white. Jinder jumps Brodus to start and gets a headbutt for his efforts. There’s the suplex and a splash ends this in 26 seconds.

Brodus dances for a bit post match.

Some rapper is here.

It’s Shawn time. He talks about how it’s going to be the end of an era inside the Cell. Shawn is guest referee and HHH wasn’t aware of that when he told HHH that last week. We get a clip of last week where HHH says he’s going to end the Streak for Shawn. How that makes people stop talking about how Shawn couldn’t do it still eludes me. Shawn has been in the back and he hasn’t heard anyone calling him a loser.

However, there’s one person that hasn’t been around lately. He calls out Undertaker and 27 hours later, Taker is in the ring. Shawn accuses Taker of being the one talking about him and that that’s not cool after what they did at Mania. Taker wants to know if it’s eating at Shawn that he couldn’t get it done. He thinks Shawn is just repeating what HHH has been saying. Taker starts talking about Shawn’s insecurities and Shawn cuts him off.

It was Undertaker that was begging for the match so he’s the insecure one. Last year HHH got so close to beating him that Taker needs another match. Taker says he’s prepared to accept the outcome whether it’s a win or a loss, but he’s not prepared to have Shawn cost him everything.

He says Mania is on April 21st and that Shawn will pay if the outcome isn’t pure. Shawn says this is irony, not destiny. The guy whose career Taker ended might end the Streak. He could still be the guy to end the Streak. Taker says he’ll win and that the Streak will continue and he’ll end an era. If Shawn screws him, he’ll end Shawn. Shawn pulls back like he’s going to superkick Taker but doesn’t move. He leaves with a smile. Shawn gets to the stage and HHH meets him. They share a quick look and Shawn leaves. HHH shoots Taker a crotch chop.

CM Punk vs. The Miz

Roday is the ring announcer. If Miz wins he’s on Team Ace. Miz takes over with a quick knee to the ribs and we take a break 40 seconds in. Back with Miz holding Punk in an abdominal stretch. Punk comes back with some kicks but the GTS is countered. Low DDT gets two. The Finale is countered into the Vice and we’re done at 6:10. Since we saw about 2:20 of that, I’m not going to bother rating it but it was mostly a squash.

Jericho pops up on screen and says that Punk is a fraud. He says he’s found out something about Punk. Punk is straightedge because his father is an alcoholic which is why Punk doesn’t drink. It scares Punk which is why he puts on this big front. Punk is going to drink eventually and Jericho is going to drive him to it. Punk almost freaks out like he’s having a relapse but gets serious again.

We get a commercial for David Otunga’s law offices. See, THAT is the kind of character development that the people in today’s company is starving for.

Randy Orton vs. Jack Swagger

Orton takes over to start and sends Jack into the steps as we take a break. Back with Swagger controlling with a top wristlock as Cole says the attendance for at least the third time tonight. Swagger goes after the ankle but misses the Vader Bomb. Jack grabs the ankle but Orton kicks him off and they go up to the corner. A superplex puts Swagger down and Orton comes back with his signature package. RKO ends this clean at 8:30.

Rating: C-. This was fine. Swagger is nothing more than a jobber to the stars and putting the US Title on him was the way they’re trying to keep a victory over him meaning anything. Orton looks strong before the inevitable Kane post match stuff (and hey there it is) which is the right idea.

Post match the Kane pyro goes off and the red light comes on but there’s no Kane.

We recap the Cena rap (with the fourth use of attitudinal by Cole).

HHH, Shawn and Undertaker will be at Raw next week. Cena vs. Henry next week also.

Here’s Rock with a guitar for the Rock Concert. Rock talks about how the people have broken a record. This is the largest sellout crowd the WWE has ever had in Cleveland. He says to chant Cleveland instead of Rock. He wants to know if the people have seen Marky Mark tonight. What’s up with the chain anyway? Also Cena looks like Vanilla Ice crossed with a Teletubbie. And he has pictures. This isn’t funny.

Rock sits down with the guitar and the fans cheer for him. This isn’t about a two minute rap because Cleveland Rocks. Rock gets a spotlight and starts singing what sounds like a parody of Jailhouse Rock. He says Cleveland Rocks a lot and the people cheer. Rock says Cena went to a doctor last week and he’s got a song about it. It ends with Cena wanting a rectal exam. Now he has a story about Cena and Eve. They were making out but Cena has a wife. Ok then.

Now he’s got a story about Cena’s birthday. The doctor wanted to get rid of Cena at birth and Cena had lady parts. THIS ISN’T FUNNY! I know that’s blasphemy but this isn’t funny at all. He keeps singing about how Cleveland Rocks so the fans cheer for him but the stuff he’s saying isn’t funny. He asks if there are any adult male Cena fans and says that they’re virgins in a funny bit. He asks about the ladies. Rock says he loves women and there’s a special woman that he has a song for. He’s going to bring her wine and yeah it’s Cena’s mom.

He has his finale now and it’s for the people. This if for Team Bring It. It’s for the millions you see. It’s We Will Rock You. Rock actually sings the song but throws in some Cena Sucks lines. There are lyrics on the screen for the modified lyrics. Rock totally screws the words up (I mean, we can see them on the screen) and that’s it. No Cena at all. Seriously? This was the lowest Rock has his since he’s been back.

Overall Rating: B. I liked tonight’s show again. The Cena stuff was good, Rock was just dreadful and they plugged a good amount of matches. Plus you get some Brodus time which is never a bad thing. The 12 man tag was finally announced to help flesh out the card a bit. I’m starting to wonder how many more people they’re going to induct into the Hall of Fame (Mil Mascaras was announced on WWE.com earlier today but there was no mention of him tonight) but other than that, everything is getting time. Good Wrestlemania push show.

Results
Sheamus b. Dolph Ziggler – Brogue Kick
David Otunga/Mark Henry b. Santino Marella – World’s Strongest Slam
Brodus Clay b. Jinder Mahal – Splash
CM Punk b. The Miz – Anaconda Vice
Randy Orton b. Jack Swagger – RKO

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Is Frank with “No Holes Barred.” It made me laugh. Comment on this with your request, which is subject to me being able to find it.

Smackdown
Date: March 9, 2012
Location: Mohegan Sun Casion, Uncasville, Connecticut
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Booker T, Michael Cole

Johnny Ace is in charge tonight and if it’s the same as when Teddy ran Raw on Monday, then we’re in for a very uneventful night indeed. Other than that I don’t think we have much else announced for tonight. Hopefully we get anything on the story for Sheamus vs. Bryan as we need any reason to care about them. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Ace hosting tonight and implying he’s out to steal the job permanently.

We open with a cage being lowered. Otunga and Ace are in the ring. Tonight we’re starting with a championship match in a cage because Teddy has never done that.

US Title: Santino Marella vs. Jack Swagger

Swagger throws him into the corner and pounds Santino down followed by a modified powerslam for two. Clothesline gets two. This has been all Swagger in the first two minutes. Santino tries to escape but Swagger launches him face first into the steel. Santino comes back with some punches and his signature stuff. Headbutt gets two and here comes the Cobra. Ziggler tries to climb in so his hands get hit by the Cobra to knock him to the floor.

Swagger grabs Marella in a belly to back suplex but Santino hits the Cobra to escape and both guys are down. Ziggler is ejected and we take a break. Back with Santino taking a knee to the ribs to put him down. Swagger takes the Cobra glove off and throws it to the floor. Rollup gets one for Santino and a sunset flip gets two. Swagger throws him down and hits a Vader Bomb for two.

He tries to climb but gets crotched and covered for two. Santino gets most of the way over but Swagger saves and they’re both back inside now. Santino comes back with a tornado DDT and crawls for the door. Santino kicks Swagger off and dives again but Swagger grabs the ankle lock. Vickie tries to slam the door on Santino’s head but hits Swagger instead, allowing Santino to crawl out to retain at 7:33 shown of 11:03.

Rating: C. This was fine all things considered. Why this was in a cage is beyond me, but I guess it’s to further the Ace vs. Long feud somehow. The match was just ok as neither is particularly great in the ring but the crowd was way into Santino. It’s better than Swagger having the title as he actually gets on TV too. I guess this is Ryder’s push too.

Teddy comes out to celebrate with Santino.

Teddy comes to see Ace/Otunga and doesn’t want Aksana to have to face Kane. Ace enjoys seeing Teddy squirm and Teddy begs a bit. Ace proposes a match between himself and Teddy. If Ace loses, Aksana will face Kane. Ok then.

Shawn will confront Undertaker on Monday.

Here’s Drew McIntyre in his gear. Is anyone surprised by this? Drew says that Ace will rehired him if he wins a match against a mystery opponent.

Drew McIntyre vs. Great Khali

And never mind as Otunga says Khali isn’t in the match, so here’s the real opponent.

Drew McIntyre vs. Hornswoggle

So why did Khali come out there at all? Horny is terrified despite regularly beating full sized guys before. Drew dominates him and keeps pulling him up after slams. The referee stops it at 1:39.

Khali chops Drew post match.

Aksana is scared for Teddy but he says it’s ok.

Ace is warming up in a track suit.

Ezekiel Jackson vs. Mark Henry

So the word on the street is that Henry is in hot water for not being tough enough for working through his injuries, despite being out there almost every week working through his injuries. There’s your lesson guys: don’t work hard, don’t enhance your character, don’t work through injuries, or you might be in danger of being released. Slugout to start but Zeke gets beaten down quickly. Zeke comes back with the clotheslines in the corner but Henry runs him over again. World’s Strongest Slam for the pin at 1:41. Well Jackson is moving up. Now he’s getting squashed by bigger names.

John Laurinitis vs. Teddy Long

Remember if Teddy wins, it’s Aksana vs. Kane. This gets big match intros. Ace grabs a mic after the bell rings and tries to talk Teddy out of this. Ace yells at Teddy to do the right thing and lay down, but Teddy won’t do it. Aksana freaks so Ace waves down Kane. Orton runs through the crowd and RKOs Kane, allowing Teddy to roll Ace up at about 2:30. Is this company aware the Wrestlemania is in three weeks? So to clarify, as soon as Kane gets up, he has to face Aksana right? Right?

According to the announcers, Teddy did that because Kane has been taken out so there won’t be a match. I’m as shocked as you are. Teddy and Aksana leave to have a nice dinner.

Kofi Kingston/R-Truth vs. Primo/Epico

Uh oh. Kofi was starting to get over as a legit guy again so we better put him in the black tag team of the month. Now the Kane vs. Aksana match isn’t happening because Teddy and Aksana left. So why didn’t Teddy just send Aksana away earlier in the night? Epico and Kofi start with Epico being monkey flipped to the corner. Off to Truth who dances around and hits a spinning legdrop for two.

Back to Kofi and Primo hooks the rope to send Kofi to the floor. Booker praises the cheating for being the right move. See, that’s what most commentators are horrible at: being subtle. Things settle down a bit and it’s Kofi in trouble against Primo. Kofi comes back with a knee to the head and there’s the hot tag to Truth. Everything breaks down and the Little Jimmy gets the pin on Primo at 5:11.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t much but the tag champions get to job AGAIN to these two that have teamed together what, three times now? Why did Bourne have to get all drugged up when the division was actually getting some stability to it? This wasn’t a particularly good match, mainly because you knew the champions weren’t going to win.

Three minutes on Cena vs. Rock from Monday.

Here’s Cole in the ring to talk to Sheamus and Bryan. Yes, they’re actually talking about this match. Cole’s first question is to Bryan, asking how much of a role luck has played in his title reign. Bryan says you don’t need to be lucky when you’re good like he is. Nothing has been luck in any of his accomplishments, which he lists off. It’s been living a vegan lifestyle and scientific skill that has given him the title. That and charisma and sex appeal.

Sheamus says everyone needs a bit of luck. He’s lucky to be from Ireland and to be in WWE and in America and in front of all these people here. You make your own luck however and Sheamus has fought his way here. He also hasn’t hid behind a 99lb girl who looks like she should be in a Catholic schoolgirl uniform. AJ: “Well from my point of view…” Bryan: “AJ shut up.” Sheamus says Bryan should be wearing the skirt. At Wrestlemania, Bryan’s luck runs out.

Sheamus/Randy Orton/Big Show vs. Cody Rhodes/Daniel Bryan/The Miz

The staredown got cut short for Cody’s entrance, meaning once again this match gets like 3 minutes a week if it’s lucky. Sheamus vs. Cody gets things going. Quickly off to Randy as we hear again about Legacy and their history together. Orton stomps him down but Cody gets in a dropkick and the tag to Bryan. Cole says he’s starting to respect Bryan. Off to Big Show who throws the champion around a little bit more.

Bryan finally gets away and tags in his former NXT Pro. You know, in ancient history when NXT actually had a structure to it. Show throws Miz around too so Miz tags out to Cody. Cody comes in and tags out to Miz immediately. Show doesn’t care and brings Miz back in as we take a break. Back with Sheamus pounding on Miz. Miz comes back with some lefts in the corner but Sheamus comes back with a rolling fireman’s carry slam.

Off to Cody who gets the ten clubbing forearms in ropes. Miz finally gets in a shot to send him to the floor and Bryan adds the knee off the apron. Bryan vs. Sheamus now and Sheamus towers over him. Bryan keeps taking him down and strikes away with the knees and feet. Off to Miz who hits a running boot to the chest for two. Cody comes in as the heels are moving in and out well.

Back to Daniel who shouts YES with every kick in a funny bit. Miz hooks the chinlock and the knee to the back gets two. Here’s Cody again (see how fast they’re tagging?) as Cole makes fun of GI Bro. Celtic Cross out of nowhere is countered into a Russian legsweep for two. Irish Curse takes Cody down and there’s the hot tag to Randy. Everything breaks down and Show stalks Cody up the ramp. Elevated DDT takes Miz down but Bryan avoids it. Sheamus LAUNCHES Bryan into the barricade and they fight into the crowd. The Finale is countered into an RKO for the pin at 10:39 shown of 14:09.

Rating: C+. This was a good main event tag, but I’m really not sure why Miz was involved. Was Kane that injured off a single RKO? At least we got some in ring time for the two matches, although I’m worried that they’re going to give the title to Big Show which is one of the last people that they need to put a title on. Good match overall though.

Kane comes out post match and pulls Orton out to the floor. Kane knocks him into the crowd (called the Universe by Cole to make me roll my eyes) and they fight up the steps to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. I REALLY didn’t like this show. It’s like the main matches are being pushed back for the sake of the Teddy Long and Johnny Ace and Aksana. As I said earlier, do they realize that there are three weeks before Wrestlemania? I know Ace vs. Teddy is going to be lead to a match at Mania but the rest of the show felt thrown together. We have an unneeded gimmick match, Drew being rehired again, meaning that weeks of losses add up to nothing, a Henry squash, and the tag champions losing again. This show had no focus at all and it was a pain to sit through as a result. Bad show.

Results
Santino Marella b. Jack Swagger – Marella escaped the cage
Drew McIntyre b. Hornswoggle due to referee stoppage
Mark Henry b. Ezekiel Jackson – World’s Strongest Slam
Teddy Long b. John Laurinitis – Rollup
Kofi Kingston/R-Truth b. Primo/Epico – Little Jimmy to Primo
Randy Orton/Sheamus/Big Show b. The Miz/Cody Rhodes/Daniel Bryan – RKO to Miz

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Impact Wrestling
Date: March 8, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

If I remember right there’s this show and then another before Victory Road. The majority of the card is already set and we should be getting more of Sting vs. Roode’s build up tonight. I barely remember Impact from last week and that’s probably not a good thing. As for the rest of the PPV the card is also set and I’m looking forward to Storm vs. Ray, which I didn’t expect to happen. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the Garrett/Eric situation.

Garrett arrives earlier today and isn’t worried about what Flair said earlier today.

Immortal (yes they’re really calling them that still) opens us up. It’s Flair, Eric and Gunner if you’re keeping track. There’s going to be a tag match later, presumably Garrett and a partner vs. Flair/Gunner. Eric thanks Flair for threatening Garrett. Garrett is watching in the back. Oh Gunner has to pick a partner too. Here’s Angle who apparently wants to be Gunner’s partner. Eric is very enthusiastic about Angle wanting to be the partner. Angle says he hates Garrett because Garrett disrespects his dad. Hogan is out of the country apparently.

Sting is putting the makeup on in the back and talks to Roode. Eric Young comes in and Sting looks embarrassed. Eric wants to impress ODB so Sting calls him Bobby and gives ODB a shot at the Knockout Tag Titles. Her partner for the women’s tag titles: Eric.

Knockout Tag Titles: Eric Young/ODB vs. Gail Kim/Madison Rayne

Eric starts with Gail but ODB tags herself in. Gail runs and is promptly clotheslined. Off to Madison who looks great in red. The champs work over ODB with some double teaming. Madison takes a clothesline to the ribs which was supposed to be a spear I think. Either way it allows the double tag and Eric locks up with the referee. Eric puts both girls in an airplane spin and ODB clotheslines them both down. There go Eric’s pants and Madison hits Eric with a title, knocking him onto Gail for the pin and the titles at 5:48.

Rating: D. I hate this angle. I’ve made that quite clear over the past few months and I don’t think it really requires a lot of explanation. Eric Young and ODB are supposed to be funny but they aren’t. It’s the most forced comedy I’ve seen in a very long time. It’s like taking the ingredients of a cake and putting them on a table and calling it a cake. It doesn’t quite work.

Eric proposes post match but we cut away before the answer.

Post break he actually asks (he was just on a knee with a ring before) and ODB says nothing. Instead she takes the ring and drops to her knee. Eric says yes.

Mr. Parks, presumably Abyss’ dad (James Mitchell anyone?) arrived earlier. He looks like Penn Jillette.

Ray says Storm isn’t making it to Lockdown.

Aries gets an e-mail from Sting saying Ion gets his title match tonight. “So why should they buy the PPV then?” The second biggest wrestling company in America ladies and gentlemen.

X-Division Title: Austin Aries vs. Zema Ion

Aries takes over to start and puts Ion on the mat, resulting in a lap around the ring. He Stuns Ion on the ropes then adds a hilo and elbow for two. Ion hits a spinning dive out of the corner and takes it to the floor. Ion sets for a dive to the floor but gets caught by a running Aries. He chops Ion to the floor but misses a dive. Back in Ion rakes the eyes and goes for his hairspray. The brainbuster is countered and we almost lose a referee. Ion misses the hairspray and Aries gets the can, spraying it in Ion’s eyes for the DQ at 3:52.

Rating: C. Just ok here but I guess it allows them to have a rematch at the PPV. I mean, we didn’t need to see the match for the first time on PPV or anything so we can just show part of it here right? Anyway, not much of a match due to the time. Also with this win, Aries officially has the longest title reign in the history of the X Title.

Mr. Parks talks to Velvet and apparently he’s Abyss’ brother. The family is looking for Abyss and Velvet thinks it was kind of creepy.

Here’s Ray to say that he’s the guy who knocked Storm’s brains out last week. He demands that Sting come out here and make him the #1 contender. Here’s Sting who asks what Ray wants. Ray keeps saying Bobby Roode so Sting says…..ok and it’s after the break. Ray is stunned but happy.

After a break, Sting says that this isn’t a title match but I don’t think Ray knows that.

Bully Ray vs. Bobby Roode

Ray yells a lot and they lock up. Roode grabs a headlock but a shoulder runs him over. The champ slaps Ray and looks all terrified. He fires off some kicks and elbows but walks into a backdrop and side slam for two. Ray wins a quick slugout but Roode hits something close to his Blockbuster for two. Bully makes a face comeback and hits a Rock Bottom for two. Big boot misses and Roode spears him down for two. Roode goes for the chain but Ray knocks Roode down in the corner. And here’s Storm to chase Ray off. He superkicks Roode and it’s thrown out at roughly 6:30.

Rating: C. Ray’s face comeback in there was kind of weird. He’s one of those heels that is working very well but the Impact Zone is screwing it up by cheering him as they do with everyone else. The match wasn’t much but with about six minutes and no real finish, what else could they really do?

Garrett is confident about his partner.

Abyss’ brother talks to Morgan/Crimson but can’t get any answers. They have the Robs tonight.

Crimson/Matt Morgan vs. Robbie T/Robbie T

They’re in matching pink cardigans. This is for the #1 contendership. Crimson and Big Rob start and Crimson takes over. The referee gets distracted though and the clipboard goes upside Crimson’s head to put him in peril. Big Rob poses too long, allowing Crimson to avoid a shot and bring in Morgan. House is cleaned, Carbon Footprint hits but Crimson tags himself in to steal the pin at 4:00.

Rating: D. Nothing to see here at all but it furthered the big guys having issues which is the issue going into the title match. I’m sure it’ll lead to Morgan vs. Crimson again eventually which isn’t something that I’m going to get behind but it’s logical at least. Nothing here though and it was a formality.

AJ has a surprise for Kaz and Daniels.

Angle and Gunner aren’t worried about Garrett and he’s going to the hospital.

Here’s AJ to a big reaction. He talks about the tenth anniversary coming up and how they’re here because of the people. Daniels cuts him off and says he came back to stand by AJ’s side. However that got him nowhere so he decided to make it about himself. Kaz says that AJ is talking about all of the people that have turned on him so Kaz says that maybe it’s AJ that is the problem. That can’t be though, because he’s the Phenomenal AJ Styles so it COULDN’T be him right? AJ says Kaz is the reason he won’t associate himself with friends anymore. Now he’ll associate with a real….what’s the word he’s thinking of here?

Cue Anderson (now with his catchphrase instead of his name being shouted) to clear the ring. He’s back.

Garrett’s partner is ready.

From what I’ve seen, apparently Joe Parks is Abyss sans mask. I knew he looked familiar.

Gunner/Kurt Angle vs. Garrett Bischoff/???

It’s Jeff Hardy, shocking no one. Garrett is in the main event for the first time. For those of you paying attention, he’s now associated with Hogan, Flair, Sting, Angle and Hardy. Behold the power of nepotism people. Angle and Gunner jump them to start and it’s Hardy vs. Angle to get us going. Hardy takes a beating but manages to get a clothesline to take Angle down for about 20 seconds.

Off to Gunner as Garrett can’t get in yet. Back with Hardy taking a beating from Angle. Gunner comes in for a back elbow for two and it’s off to Angle again. Anderson vs. Daniels next week. Out to the floor and Gunner rams Jeff into the steel. Back in Jeff dives for the corner but gets caught in an ankle lock. He makes the rope and Gunner comes back in with a suplex for two.

Gunner hooks a sleeper as we’re running low on time. Jeff gets up and hits a Whisper in the Wind to put Gunner down but Angle distracts Garrett. It prevents a tag (kind of, as the referee wouldn’t have been there anyway) and Angle pulls Jeff back into the corner. And never mind as Jeff makes the tag a second later anyway. Gunner cleans house and hits a falling Diamond Cutter (Angle lands the same but he would be on Garrett’s back. Garrett fell forward if that makes more sense) on Kurt for two. Everything breaks down and the Swanton pins Kurt clean at 14:31.

Rating: C. Main event tag formula was at work here, but dang man did we really need to have Garrett in this spot on the card? He didn’t really do much at least which is probably a good thing. Jeff vs. Angle was a second story here but it didn’t get the focus that Garrett did. Anyway at least it wasn’t horrible.

Overall Rating: C-. This was a step down for them. We had a show with the world champion in action, two title matches (one with a title change) and a return of a former world champion, but Garrett Bischoff was in the main event. Other than that, the show was just kind of there. Stuff happened (without being advertised in advance of course) but nothing really that huge. Anderson is back and is thrown into AJ vs. Daniels so it doesn’t really mean much. Not a horrible show but it didn’t click like they were shooting for.

Results
Eric Young/ODB b. Gail Kim/Madison Rayne – Eric fell on Gail after being hit with a title belt
Zema Ion b. Austin Aries via DQ when Aries sprayed hairspray in Ion’s eyes
Bully Ray vs. Bobby Roode went to a no contest
Matt Morgan/Crimson b. Robbie E/Robbie T – Carbon Footprint to Robbie E

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Monday Night Raw
Date: March 5, 2012
Location: TD Garden, Boston, Massachusetts
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

We have four Raws to go before Wrestlemania and tonight’s is star studded to say the least. We have Rock, HHH, Undertaker and Shawn scheduled to be on the show tonight so there’s definitely an old school feel to it. Other than that I’d expect more build to the PPV as almost everything is set in stone by this point. That’s probably a good thing though. Let’s get to it.

Teddy Long is in charge tonight.

Here’s Shawn to open the show. He says he loves hearing the HBK chant now because it allows him to catch his breath because he can’t move around that well anymore. Shawn talks about how things got heated with him and HHH but that’s all over because now the match is on. He asks HHH to come out here. Here’s the Game and they hug. Shawn reminds HHH of all the things that he said last week and even said he called HHH a coward, somehow getting away with it.

Something must have changed HHH’s mind and Shawn has to know what it was. HHH doesn’t look happy. The fans chant for Undertaker. HHH starts to talk but Shawn cuts him off as he wants to see the moment HHH agreed to the match with his buddy. We see the clip and of HHH agreeing after Taker said Shawn is better. HHH starts to talk again but Shawn cuts him off. It was saying Shawn was better that set HHH off.

HHH says he left Shawn a voicemail about this but if we need to do this in front of the world so be it. HHH says this isn’t about which of them is better. He’s tired of hearing people talk about how Shawn couldn’t get the job done. He’s tired of people calling Shawn a failure who was never as good as he thought he was. HHH is his best friend and the guy that believes that Shawn is the best ever. HHH is going to end the Streak to shut those people up about Shawn. How would that shut them up exactly? Shawn is a little offended by this and says HHH will lose again. Oh, AND HE’S GUEST REFEREE.

US Title: Jack Swagger vs. Santino Marella

Ace and Otunga come out almost immediately. Santino loads up the Cobra but Ace distracts, allowing Ziggler to interfere and Swagger hits the gutwrench powerbomb…for two? Cue Teddy with Kofi and we go to a break. The portion we saw lasted about a minute and I’m assuming it was thrown out. Amazingly enough it’s not a tag match yet! Teddy and Ace get in a fight almost immediately as Ziggler interferes AGAIN. Kofi smacks him so Ziggler gets a Cobra. Vickie avoids one so Aksana gets in a fight with her. Santino counters the Cobra into the ankle lock as Teddy knocks Ace down. Santino counters the ankle lock into a rollup AND WINS THE TITLE AT 6:30!!!!! I’m legit shocked.

Rating: D+. The match was an overbooked mess but it was awesome. I’m not a Santino fan at all but it’s not like the title means anything on Swagger. The title died the minute Ryder lost it so putting it on Santino is just fine. I’m glad they didn’t turn this into a tag match as it gave me a legit surprise.

Ace freaks out but Teddy says this is his show and throws Ace out. Santino, Kofi, Aksana and Teddy all do the Trombone.

Rock is in Boston and he’s got a history lesson for Cena. This is filmed on location earlier in the day. He talks about how the British were in people of Boston’s faces every day. Then in 1773, the Boston people threw the tea in the ocean and called it the Boston Tea Party. So tonight, Rock is going to throw some of Cena’s stuff in the ocean. He has a bunch of merchandise. “John Cena midget shorts. Who would buy these things? They’re an insult to midgets. The John Cena garden gnome. There’s a man somewhere with one of these in his garden. And he’s a virgin.” Rock is coming to start the Rock Revolution tonight.

Eve Torres vs. Alicia Fox

Kelly is on commentary and talking about being nominated for a Kids’ Choice Award. Rollup, 34 seconds.

Post match cue RYDER to a big pop. He can at least walk now. Broskis before Hoeskis.

Post break Eve tries to apologize to Ryder and kisses him. She walks off smiling and Ryder seems to fall for it.

We cut to earlier today with Cena alone in the arena. I’ve always liked shots like that. He talks about Wrestlemania and how it’ll be full of moments. With everything that’ll be happening, all eyes will be on two men and one match. He talks about how Boston is now being the city of champions after being the city of broken hearts for so long. Cena talks about them losing the Super Bowl to the Giants but no one remembers second place. If he loses, he’s just another name in Rock’s book. But if he wins, it’s the biggest match ever and no one remembers second place.

CM Punk/Sheamus vs. Chris Jericho/Daniel Bryan

Smackdown has made me loathe these main event style tags. You know, Bryan has looked like a complete afterthought in his feud. The two of them haven’t interacted at all that I remember. They’ve probably been in the ring together a few times but it’s been nothing significant. Jericho and Punk start and Chris is knocked to the corner very quickly. Off to Bryan and Sheamus with Sheamus beating on him like he stole something. Clothesline gets two.

Back to the starters with Jericho getting in a shot to the ribs which are still hurt from last week. We take a break and come back with Punk coming up out of a hold, only to get side slammed. They’re really pushing the social media tonight, reading tweets from “fans”. Off to Sheamus who hits the Irish Curse for two on Jericho. Jericho gets his springboard dropkick to take over and Sheamus is down.

Jericho hooks a chinlock but misses a running knee in the corner. Double tag to Punk and Bryan and Punk springboards in, hurting his back in the process. He comes back with one arm though and manages to slam Bryan and hit the elbow. Everything breaks down and Sheamus loads up the Celtic Cross on Bryan but Jericho saves. I can’t keep up with all this. Jericho goes for the Walls on Punk but Punk counters to a small package but Jericho counters into one of his own for the pin at 10:57.

Rating: C. See, this one helps as it actually gives us a new wrinkle in this story. Jericho has a pin over Punk now so the title is in some more jeopardy. That’s a big perk as until then, it was Jericho trying to make Punk tap which just wasn’t going to happen. Not a bad match either with Punk’s top notch selling helping a lot.

Off to Paul Revere’s statue. Rock wants to know what would happen if Cena was riding instead of Revere. We’d all be having tea and blessing the Queen. Rock would have to invent a time machine and go back to 1776 to beat up Cena. With the Flux Capacitor smoking, the Rock, 25% black, 25% Samoan and 50% Clydesdale, Ben Franklin would say forget you kite, THIS MAN invented electricity. We get Rock’s version of Yankee Doodle involving a feather going into John Cena and calling it a jabroni. Hilarious stuff.

Big Show vs. The Miz

Miz immediately hits the floor and Cody is on the ramp. He says there’s nothing worse than embarrassment. There’s no clip this week, because at Mania 18, Show was at the WWE restaurant in New York instead of having a match. Miz jumps Show but is speared down and the WMD gets the pin at 2:00, about 1:40 of which was Cody talking/the clip.

Time for the third Rock history lesson. He’s in front of the Massachusetts State House and talks about how the revolution lead to the birth of a new nation. The people have been waiting for ten years for Rock to overthrow John Cena and tonight, Rock is in the Garden.

Undertaker will confront Shawn next week.

Kane vs. R-Truth

Truth talks about Little Jimmy a bit before the match. Truth attacks him in the corner to start and gets beaten down quickly. He gets in a few punches but the axe kick misses. Chokeslam gets the pin at 1:23.

As soon as Kane does the corner fire, here’s Orton. Truth grabs Kane’s foot so Orton can hit the RKO. He wants a mic and says it’s good to be back.

Here’s Cena for the big closing number. He says the place is pumped and he knows why. The Rock is back. He means the real Rock, the one he needs to face at Wrestlemania. Rock has been giving history lessons all day and it’s exciting. But if you get through all of the theatrics, what is Rock really saying? He’s obsessed with breakfast cereal, he’s obsessed with how Cena looks, and talks about how many women he’s slept with. Am I fighting Rock or Situation from Jersey Shore?

Last week Rock was shaken by what Cena said and that’s never happened before. Cena says look at me. He looks ridiculous. He’s wearing kneepads to talk to you people tonight, but this is what shook the Rock. But tonight Rock has his swagger back. He wants to see The Rock in this ring right now. Not Dwayne, but The Rock. Cue Rock and Cena is even more fired up.

Rock says he’s never been shaken and unconfident. When you strip everything away, at the Rock’s core, Rock is 6’4, 260lbs of man that is going to rip Cena’s throat out. At Cena’s core, he’ll always be a little boy. And that’s it? Rock leaves with that and Cena says that doesn’t intimidate him one bit.

In a brilliant bit, Cena reads Rock’s height and weight off his arm. Rock can rip his throat out and he’s going to have to do just that to beat him. Cena says he’ll make history at Wrestlemania when he wins and that’s it. Cena dives into the fans to end the show. I’m assuming that’s his family or something. He hugs his dad and apparently the rest of his family. Cena’s wife is shown on camera and is really pretty.

Overall Rating: A. I love and hate Wrestlemania time. It gives us great episodes like this one but it also reminds you of how bad the rest of the year can be. The key word for tonight would be smart. Everything had a point and made sense, which is arguably the most important thing a wrestling show can do. I’m fired up for Wrestlemania and that’s hitting at the right time. Great show tonight and I want to see more.

Results
Santino Marella b. Jack Swagger – Rollup
Eve Torres b. Alicia Fox – Rollup
Chris Jericho/Daniel Bryan b. CM Punk/Sheamus – Small package to Punk
Big Show b. The Miz – WMD
Kane b. R-Truth – Chokeslam

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Smackdown
Date: March 2, 2012
Location: Key Arena, Seattle, Washington
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Booker T

Orton is back tonight and he’s facing Daniel Bryan after Bryan gave him the concussion that put him out. I don’t remember if I ever heard how legit that injury was. Anyway, that’s the main event and it should be good, but I’d be shocked if we got a clean finish to it. Expect more of the Bryan vs. Sheamus build as well as some more Ace vs. Long stuff. Let’s get to it.

We open with what looks more like a commercial for the show than an opening video. It’s about the main event.

Do You Know Your Enemy? Mine is bronchitis.

Here’s Sheamus to open the show. He says he’s thinking about Wrestlemania and being in front of over 80,000 members of the WWE Universe. FANS. THEY’RE CALLED FANS. When did that become a dirty word? I know “Members of the WWE Universe” has been their term for it for years now, but why is fans such a bad thing to say? Anyway he can’t wait to face Bryan. Bryan has become a changed man since he won the title, just like Sheamus did two years ago.

When Sheamus won his first world title, he became wrapped up in his own ego. However, he was lucky. He should have known that the WWE Title was the greatest trophy he could have earned. He became a bully instead though. You mean like he was before he won the title? What Sheamus needed was for someone to knock his block off. Bryan needs the same thing.

This brings out Vickie and Dolph for some reason. She liked his story but her favorite part was when Sheamus stopped talking. Ziggler says the people deserve to see him in the main event, not Sheamus. He says Sheamus’ hair is on fire. Sheamus says that joke is as old as Dolph’s grandmother Vickie. For some reason this leads to Vickie talking about Ace/Teddy and saying she’s the only non-McMahon to be GM of both shows. Teddy comes out and makes Dolph vs. Sheamus right now. I liked Sheamus’ promo here. He’s not the best talker in the world so keeping it simple is something that works well for him.

Sheamus vs. Dolph Ziggler

The match is joined in progress after a break but it doesn’t look like we’ve missed much. There was an ad talking about how Ace will run Smackdown next week so the announcers talk about that for awhile. Ziggler hits a dropkick but Sheamus keeps smiling. Sheamus comes back with forearms to the back and the ten in the ropes. The fans clearly really like Sheamus but they’ve given him no character development at all. It’s a lost art in WWE anymore.

Ziggler goes to the floor. Booker says stay on your bicycle Dolph. There’s an image for you, complete with Benny Hill music. Ziggler grabs a neckbreaker coming back in to take over. Another neckbreaker gets two so Dolph drops some elbows for the same result. Sheamus fights out of a chinlock and hits his power shots to come back. Powerslam gets two. Ziggler locks on a sleeper but Sheamus powers out of it by ramming Ziggler into the corner and out to the floor.

Dolph comes off the top but jumps into the Irish Curse. It gets two as Vickie puts the foot on the ropes. Sheamus loads up the Celtic Cross (Sheamus’, not Finlay’s). Irish Curse The Sequel gets two. Sheamus pounds his chest and shouts Brogue so Vickie calls out Swagger. The Kick takes him down but Ziggler hits a Fameasser. That only gets two so he tries the Zig Zag. Sheamus holds the ropes and catches Ziggler in the new finisher which is now called the White Noise.

Rating: B-. Pretty good match here with Sheamus continuing to roll over the upper midcard. Since they’re not going to give him and Bryan a concrete story, this works as well as anything else. Also it makes Sheamus look a lot stronger going into the PPV. At the end of the day though, he needs to pin Orton clean to really make himself look like the top challenger on Smackdown and I’m not sure I can see that. The other problem is that Bryan needs to be made to look strong also and I don’t think that’s going to happen.

We recap the Bryan vs. Punk stuff from Raw with the Battling Bosses.

Ace and Otunga are in Teddy’s office when Teddy comes in. Ace wants an apology for the attack by Teddy on Raw. Apparently Ace has a bad back now and its because of Teddy. Otunga is considering a civil suit against Teddy. Ace says an apology will do instead. Teddy says no because it made Ace look like “a cow on ice crossed with Sesame Street Big Bird.” Otunga vs. Khali on Monday. Ace suggests Teddy try yoga.

Heath Slater vs. Santino Marella

Santino attacks to start but the headbutt lands on knees. The announcers talk about Ace and Teddy. Cole: “See how tough he is?” Booker: “He used to have a skateboard. That’s how tough he is.” Anyway, Slater hits a Harlem Side Kick for two. He goes up but gets crotched and the Cobra ends it at 1:53.

Video on HHH vs. Undertaker, the same from Raw. The match simply isn’t as good as they’re trying to make it out to be. It’s very good. It’s a great match. It’s not this masterpiece that they’re pushing it as.

Natalya yells at Eve about Zach. Eve goes off on her about it and guess what Natalya winds up doing. You either want the Divas to be serious or you don’t. Pick one.

Natalya vs. Eve Torres

Natalya controls with a headlock and Booker has a thing for Eve. Now Booker diagnoses Natalya’s stomach issues. Eve slaps her so Natalya takes her down and pounds on her. Eve reverses a rollup into one of her own for the pin at 1:32.

Here’s Cody who has held the title for a very long time. If my math is right, if he holds the title until April 10, he’ll have held if for the longest reign since Rock’s in 97/98. Cody talks about Big Show’s Wrestlemania losses and shows some stills from the Akebono and Mayweather matches. Cody says Show should be thanking him for keeping Show out of Wrestlemania because Show would just floudner again. He’s got another Wrestlemania clip but Show cuts him off.

Cody runs into the crowd as soon as Show gets to the ring. Show says hang on a second. He wanted to watch the new clip with Cody like friends. Since Cody won’t come back though, Show better go get Cody. Cue Teddy who says hang on a minute. This isn’t Pamplona, Spain and Show can’t be running into the crowd like a bull. Show vs. Cody for the title is announced for Wrestlemania. That’s the second time the IC Title will be on the line at Mania since 2002.

Big Show vs. Mark Henry

Show takes him down to start but Henry fights back and clotheslines Show to the floor. The fans chant Sexual Chocolate as Show is sent into the timekeeper’s area. He gets back to the apron at 8 but Henry rams him into the exposed buckle as we take a break. Back with Henry pounding him down and Cody on commentary. Back to the floor and Henry rams Show’s back into the post.

With Show still against the post, Mark throws the steps at him. Since that would result in probable death, Show moves. Henry knocks him down again and hits a Vader Bomb for two. Show hits a superkick and a “spear” (it was a shoulder block) to take Henry down. Show sets for the chokeslam but gets caught in the Slam for two. So long Henry, hope you enjoyed your time in the main event. Henry charges into the corner but walks into the WMD for the pin at 5:22 shown of 8:52.

Rating: C-. It’s such a shame to see someone like Henry who has raised his game so much over the last six months and shocked the world by becoming a legit world champion to be sent down to this because of the way the WWE main event pushes work. Instead of going and feuding with a midcard face, they need to have him against other top good guys and losing, making his whole summer of dominance seem like it was nothing at all. Such is life in the WWE anymore.

Teddy tells Drew if he loses he’s fired. Again.

Orton says he’s back to normal, which means angry and wanting revenge. Bryan decided to pay the price and tonight Orton is going to collect.

Drew McIntyre vs. Justin Gabriel

Drew starts by blocking a kick and getting a clothesline for two. Another spin kick misses and Drew hits a big boot for two. Into the corner but Drew’s tilt-a-whirl slam is countered into a DDT. Gabriel goes up and hits the 450 for the pin at 1:44. Justin hit two moves the whole match.

Teddy pops up on screen and fires Drew. At least until next week when Ace rehires him because he sees a lot of potential in him or something. They mentioned that Ace discovered Drew and brought him to WWE in the first place during the match.

We get ALL of Rock and Cena from Monday. The version I watch is divided into 6 fifteen minute parts. I literally skipped all of part 5 because of this. There was NOTHING in there they could clip?

Daniel Bryan says he hasn’t changed since he won the title. He’s still the same down to Earth person who was born and raised in Aberdeen, Washington. However he moved to Vegas as soon as possible. He calls himself a role model and talks about how he beat Giant and Henry in a cage and five others in the Elimination Chamber.

Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton

The fans are split on Bryan. Orton sends him to the floor quickly and throws Bryan into things. He sends Bryan into the steps and kicks Bryan’s head into them. Back in Orton loads up a superplex but Bryan shoves him off and takes over. Knee to the head gets two as we take a break. Back with Bryan working over the arm and shoulder. Booker says that he’ll never call Bryan D-Bry again. Bryan stays on the shoulder but Orton hits a dropkick to get some seperation.

Booker runs down AJ now, calling Bryan her meal ticket. Is AJ really a heel, or does she just associate with one? I’m not exactly sure. The dropkick gets two. Bryan kicks him in the shoulder so Orton throws him into the Elevated DDT. RKO is countered twice and Bryan heads to the floor. Orton follows him and loads up the Elevated DDT on the floor….but here’s Kane. Didn’t see that one coming. The bell rings, presumably for a countout since Kane hasn’t touched anyone, at 6:30 shown of 10:00.

Rating: C. Well we knew it wasn’t going to be a clean finish. I’d assume this is going to set up Kane vs. Orton at Wrestlemania. That’s a feud I’ve always wanted to see as I’m a fan of both guys. It’s as good as anything else they’re going to get and it gives them both something to do. The match was just ok though as they didn’t have the time to get anything good going.

Orton goes straight at Kane for no apparent reason. Kane might have been coming to ask Booker if he wanted to buy some Girl Scout cookies. They go into the ring but Kane is clotheslined to the floor. He pulls Orton out and they brawl on the floor for a bit. Back inside and Orton’s shoulder goes into the post. A chokeslam puts Randy down and Kane wants a mic. He says welcome back Randy and that’s it.

Ace says it’s Kane vs. Aksana next week.

Overall Rating: B. I liked this show a lot. This is more the Smackdown style: steady as it goes and set up matches for the PPV. Here we set up the IC Title match, Kane vs. Orton and they furthered the Smackdown world title match. With four weeks to go until the PPV, that’s a pretty solid show as far as building to the PPV. I could have done without 1/6 of the show being about Cena vs. Rock though. They could have cut that down to about five minutes and it would have been fine. Better show than most recent ones here though.

Results
Sheamus b. Dolph Ziggler – White Noise
Santino Marella b. Heath Slater – Cobra
Eve Torres b. Natalya – Rollup
Justin Gabriel b. Drew McIntyre – 450 Splash
Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton went to a double countout

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Impact Wrestling
Date: March 1, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

We’re getting closer to Victory Road but we have three Impacts to get through first. That PPV is really just a stop on the road to Lockdown though as the main event may not even be for the title. It needs to happen though so we can get through the Sting vs. Roode issues because until that match happens, that feud is going to overshadow the Storm vs. Roode match at Lockdown. Let’s get to it.

Little warning here: I’ve been sick all week and I’m on some strong medicine so this might be a little weaker than usual.

We open with a recap of the end of the show from last week with Sting going insane on Roode.

Angle has a list of cue cards as to why he hates Jeff Hardy and why he attacked him.

We get a theme song. That hasn’t happened in how long?

Here’s Angle to explain why he attacked Jeff Hardy. He has cue cards. First of all, Jeff has hair. It’s rainbow colored but that doesn’t make him a champion. Number two: the way Jeff dresses. Third, fans want Jeff’s autograph more than Angle’s. Fourth: girls like Jeff more than him.

The biggest reason though: he has over 100 different action figures, posters and t-shirts. At night though, he sees Jeff Hardy posters in his son’s room and steps on Jeff Hardy action figures. His son wears Jeff Hardy t-shirts and he has makeup on with purple hair, “and he wears freaking socks on his arms.” Kurt’s face when he said that last line made me laugh. Jeff comes out and Angle challenges him to a match at Victory Road. Hardy jumps him and has to be pulled off.

Roode complains about Sting a bit when Austin Aries came up. He talks about how he tweeted his issues with Sting and compares himself to Roode. Roode seems to be accepting of this and asks if Aries has five minutes to talk. They go for a chat.

AJ Styles vs. Kazarian/Christopher Daniels

This is a gauntlet match and AJ starts with Daniels. AJ says if he wins, he wants to know what Daniels has over Kaz. Daniels says that they don’t have to listen to AJ but then he changes his mind quickly and says yes. AJ goes after Daniels and hammers away to start. Back inside and AJ takes him down with a clothesline. Some suplexes set up a backbreaker for two. AJ has to keep yelling at Kaz as we take a break.

Back with AJ coming back from something with elbows into the ribs. He tries to float over coming out of the corner but walks into an elbow for two. AJ comes back and hits the springboard forearm for no cover. He loads up the Clash but Daniels avoids it. An STO puts AJ down….and Kaz comes in to hit AJ with the Fade to Black. That’s a DQ loss for Daniels but Kaz immediately pins him to win it at 9:48. Smart.

Rating: C. The match wasn’t that great but I’m interested in seeing where this goes. Hopefully it leads to more AJ vs. Kaz than AJ vs. Daniels but it’s some kind of law that those two have to feud every year. I liked this for the most part, but the lack of originality in this feud gets old quick.

Madison sucks up to Gail in the back. Gail has gotten them a spa day this weekend, but first Madison has to beat ODB.

ODB vs. Madison Rayne

ODB controls to start with the power game. Madison is in blue here, making her more gorgeous than usual. Madison gets in some offense but it’s nothing all that great. ODB comes back again to beat her down as Eric takes his shirt off. The Bam is countered as Gail brings in a belt. It doesn’t happen though as The Bam gets the pin at 2:58.

Ray rants about last week when Roode comes up and says that was funny. Aries is with Roode and they convince Ray that it’s Sting’s fault that Brandon Jacobs was here. They recruit Roode who seems to accept their offer.

Velvet gets in a fight with Angelina.

Garrett gets into it with Flair, Gunner and Eric. A challenge is made for next week for Garrett to show up or not.

Here are Aries, Roode and Ray. Roode says he’s awesome but Sting isn’t an active wrestler anymore. You don’t put your hands on the champ and at Victory Road it’s going to be a beating. Ray says he has great calves. He blames Storm for things but says its all Sting’s fault. It was Sting that let Brandon Jacobs comes in and put him through a table. It was Sting that caused him the embarrassment. Aries says Sting is one of those people that can’t let it go because the three of them are better than him. He wants to know why he’s not in a main event. They all say they’re done and sit down in the ring.

The lights go out and Sting is in the ring too, freaking all three of them out. He wants to have a chat with them. Aries says he really is done but Roode doesn’t like the idea of losing his title if he’s really done. The same is true of the X Title. As for Ray, he’ll get his finger bitten off if it goes in Sting’s face again. No job means no paycheck so they’ll all stick around. The main event is a six man with these three against Storm/Magnus/Joe. The lights go out and Sting is gone.

Video on Sorensen’s recovery.

Ion says he’ll break more necks if he has to.

Zema Ion vs. Shannon Moore

Moore controls with speed to start and they head to the floor. Ion hits a clothesline to take over, followed by a missile dropkick back inside. A neckbreaker gets two and Ion goes up. Whatever he’s going to try is countered by a top rope rana by Moore which gets two. Moonsault press misses and Ion hits his belly to back flip into the facebuster for the pin at 3:30.

Rating: C. Quick match here to keep the heat on Ion. This double heel thing is interesting but I’m not sure if I can see Ion taking the title off Aries. Moore is filling in for Sorensen I guess which is ok but I’ve never cared for him. Anyway, decent match but it’s nothing all that good for the most part.

Mickie James/Velvet Sky vs. Sarita/Angelina Love

Velvet goes after Angelina to start as we hear about Madonna and the founder of Girls Gone Wild feuding. Mickie comes in and snaps off a rana for two. Out to the floor where Sarita hits a nice dive. Mickie gets beaten down for awhile until she manages to hang Angelina over the top and makes the tag to Velvet. Everything breaks down and the top rope Thesz Press takes Mickie and Sarita to the floor. Velvet wins with her sitout Pedigree to Angelina at 5:51.

Rating: C-. Not a bad match and as usual, far and away better than the Divas. It’s nice to see girls that look like they know what they’re doing instead of having to stumble through whatever they’ve been taught to do in their 90 second match of the week. I’m not sure how much we needed two Knockout matches on a show but this was fine.

Storm/Crimson/Joe say they’re ready.

We look back at Abyss disappearing at Genesis. His family hasn’t seen him since.

Bully Ray/Robert Roode/Austin Aries vs. Magnus/Samoa Joe/James Storm

So Joe is a face again? I’ll have to keep that in mind when it gets confusing again in a few weeks. Magnus and Aries start things off. Aries takes him to the mat quickly but can’t reach up high enough for a test of strength. He cartwheels away from Magnus so Magnus takes his head off with a clothesline. Off to Roode and Storm wants in. Storm comes in and Roode runs as we take a break.

Back with Ray hammering on Storm in the corner. The announcers talk about Kobe Bryant having a concussion. The commentary is being recorded later now so they can be more up to date. As long as it doesn’t turn into a bunch of pop culture references that’s a good idea. Anyway Joe gets the tag and the big men go at it. Joe takes over and suplexes Aries too.

Magnus comes in and the tag champs speed things up. Roode and Storm come in again and the champ runs one more time. Aries gets beaten on instead as Joe does the always cool walk away to avoid contact. He loads up the MuscleBuster but Roode makes the save. Ray comes in to beat on Joe as he somehow plays Ricky Morton. Talk about miscasting. Taz talks about the Knockouts so Tenay yells at him.

The triple beating continues with Roode hitting a Hennig necksnap and Aries hitting a modified elbow to the back. Aries rams Joe’s head into Ray’s calves which doesn’t do much. All three heels take turns on Joe but Roode runs into a release Rock Bottom in the corner and there’s the tag to Storm. House is cleaned until ray gets in some offense on him. Everything breaks down and the tag champs hit their finisher on Aries. A lot of finishers are hit and the Last Call gets the pin on Roode at 16:50.

Rating: B-. This was a formula tag match but it worked quite well for the main event of a TV show. It pushes Storm vs. Roode which is a good thing and it offered some fresh faces out there. That’s a nice change of pace and it’s nice to see some young faces in there instead of the old ones being cycled in again.

Ray beats down everyone to close the show, saying he’s the real #1 contender.

Overall Rating: B-. I liked this show for the most part. It didn’t really set up much for Victory Road but there’s still a lot of time before then so it’s not a huge issue. The wrestling here was pretty good, although I could have gone with only one of the Knockout matches instead of two. Still though, good show as has become the norm since Russo is out of the picture.

Results
Kazarian/Christopher Daniels b. AJ Styles – Fade To Black
ODB b. Madison Raine – The Bam
Zema Ion b. Shannon Moore – Flipping Facebuster
Mickie James/Velvet Sky b. Angelina Love/Sarita – Sitout Facebuster to Love
James Storm/Samoa Joe/Magnus b. Austin Aries/Bobby Roode/Bully Ray – Last Call to Roode

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Teddy is running Raw and Ace is running Smackdown. I’m not entirely sure what this solves but it mixes things up a bit.

Edit: Apparently this is just for a week. So much for it meaning anything.

Thoughts on this?