Jericho, Kofi, Miz, Truth, Ziggler and Punk.

No Cena and/or Kane makes this interesting. It must mean a rematch which makes sense because Cena is busy at Mania so there’s no point in going for the title for the most part.

Sure why not. It’s not like the celebrities mean much anyway. Plus it got them legit mainstream exposure so that’s a plus.

Royal Rumble 2012
Date: January 29, 2012
Location: Scottrade Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Booker T

The Road to Wrestlemania begins tonight, even with the Elimination Chamber being in a month and messing things up all over again. The even money is on either Jericho, Orton or Sheamus as the dark horse. This probably marks the only time that he’s ever been considered dark in his life but it’s a special occasion. Oh and there are two world title matches tonight too if you care about that sort of thing. Let’s get to it.

Now we’ve been promised a great main event here tonight. They wouldn’t lie to us. Not a wrestling company.

The opening video is your usual one for something like this: everyone saying they want to go to the Rumble.

Smackdown World Title: Daniel Bryan vs. Big Show vs. Mark Henry

It says a lot when the Smackdown main event is opening the show. It’s been like 2 years since they’ve gotten a main event. Anyway, Bryan is the champion in case the zombie apocalypse has occurred and you have no access to finding out who champion was and you’ve somehow found my flash drive. Henry legit injured his knee on Smackdown so it should be interesting to see if he does much tonight.

Pin, submission or escape to win. After some big match intros we’re ready to go. Bryan goes for a quick escape but the monsters pull him down. Show takes Henry down with a quick shoulder block and then splashes him against the cage. He does it again but I guess he’s not Bobby Lashley as the cage doesn’t break, even on the third attempt. Bryan tries to escape but Show makes the save.

Show takes over and throws Bryan into the cage. The big punch hits the cage and Bryan goes after….the leg. That works about as it does every time you go after a giant’s leg and Show rams him into various things. Bryan kicks him in the knee to take him down and then goes after Bryan. Danny calls for the door to be open but Henry goes for the save. Show kicks Henry in the face to take over again.

Bryan gets thrown into the cage a bunch of times and a hard slam puts him down. Henry comes back as we’re into the regular formula of one guy stays down while the others fight. Mark misses a charge into the cage and Show spears him which Bryan gets two off of. Bryan escapes a chokeslam and tries a LeBell Lock on Show but Henry makes the save. Henry loads up the Slam on Bryan but Show knocks him out with the punch for two as Bryan saves. Bryan goes to escape but Show grabs onto him. After holding on for awhile, Bryan falls down and escapes for the win at 9:13.

Rating: C-. Not bad here and hopefully it gets Bryan away from these monsters. There’s only so much he can do against guys this size without looking ridiculous. They laid around a lot in this but that’s the accepted formula in triple threats. By that I mean one person would stay down for way too long off a basic move but Henry needed the break given his knee. Not bad but it felt like a Smackdown main event instead of a PPV title match.

Bryan does his overblown celebration post match.

Elimination Chamber promo with Amazing Grace playing over Sheamus talking.

Cena video on his mainstream media appearances and international appeal. Basically filler.

Bella Twins/Natalya/Beth Phoenix vs. Eve Torres/Tamina/Alicia Fox/Kelly Kelly

Title defenses? What are those? I didn’t know Beth was alive anymore. Tamina and Natalya start us off and thankfully it lasts longer than their match this past Friday. Off to Eve who I thought turned heel. Eve does her usual stupid dancing offense and it’s off to Beth. Off to a Bella who gets two and hooks a chinlock. Booker actually asks why Lawler likes the Bellas. Alicia comes in and beats on whichever Bella that is. Does it really even matter? Off to Eve and everyone goes outside where Kelly hits a big dive. Beth slaps her way in and the Glam Slam kills Kelly dead at 5:23.

Rating: D+. The dive was cool and this was one of the better Divas matches I can remember in awhile, but is there any point to this division anymore? That’s the first time I remember seeing Beth in forever and the match was an 8 person tag instead of something for the title. When’s the last time she defended it on TV? Based on what I can find, her last three defenses have been at TLC, Survivor Series and Vengeance.

Video on Ryder being injured.

Ryder is here in a back brace and says he’s here to watch Cena beat Kane up. He runs into Johnny Ace who has a personal room ready for Zack. Eve comes up to run her mouth on Ace and calls him vindictive, pompous and a word I couldn’t understand. Eve wheels him into the dressing room.

John Cena vs. Kane

Mostly booing for Cena here. Cena goes straight for Kane but is taken down quickly. The dueling chants begin and Cena fires off punches, knocking Kane to the floor. They brawl outside and Kane goes knee first into the steps. AA doesn’t work as Cena falls forward. Off to the chinlock and the match slows way down. Cena fights up and we get the boo/yay punch sequence. Uppercut by Kane gets two as does a suplex and it’s back to the chinlock.

Cena fights up and makes a comeback but Kane punches him right back down. A corner splash hits Cena but the second is countered by a drop toehold into the middle buckle. The idea is that Cena can’t really hurt Kane, as in the story to almost all of Kane’s matches. Cena counters the smother into a Crossface. Kane escapes and a side slam gets two for the masked man. The top rope clothesline puts Cena down and here comes the chokeslam. Cena ducks it and tries his shoulder blocks but Kane pops up. ProtoBomb looks to set up the Shuffle but Kane pops up and kicks him back down.

They go to the corner and Cena knocks him off. Cena hits a top rope Five Knuckle Shuffle and tries the AA but Kane escapes. Cena goes for the knee and tries the STF but gets kicked to the floor. Kane rams him into the apron and they fight up the ramp for the double countout. I forgot to time it but it ran roughly 15 minutes.

Rating: D+. Very slow match here and pretty boring. The idea that Cena can’t hurt Kane got boring quickly and the ending didn’t help things at all. I don’t really get where they’re going with this, but I’d assume it’s going towards something about Cena being evil but rising above it. Just dull for the most part and the same stuff done over and over again.

Cena rams something that looked like equipment into Kane and they go into the backstage area. Kane is sent into trashcans which doesn’t really stop him. The Big Fried Freak grabs a chair and pops Cena with it about four times. Wouldn’t you know it we’re right next to Ryder’s dressing room? Kane goes in and smothers Ryder into presumably death.

Kane comes back out with Ryder in the wheelchair. He wheels Ryder into the ring and here’s Eve to try to make the save. This goes about as well as you would think and Ryder gets tombstoned. Cena finally comes back to fight Kane but walks into a chokeslam. Kane leaves and Ryder gets taken out on a stretcher.

Don’t Be A Bully.

Same kind of video on Rock from earlier. He talks about his movie and this is just eating up time.

Drew McIntyre vs. Brodus Clay

Remember what I said about filler? Brodus dances and jiggles as Drew hits him. A headbutt to the chest puts Drew down and there’s the suplex. I know because Brodus said suplex right before he hit it. Splash in the corner and What The Funk ends this in 1:15.

We recap Punk vs. Ziggler. Punk has been screwed by Johnny Ace multiple times now and keeps calling him a failure and all those things. Ace has finally said that he’s going to screw Punk as he’s the guest referee. He’s being evaluated tomorrow night so the question is will he screw Punk because he’s got nothing to lose or will he play it fair?

Raw World Title: CM Punk vs. Dolph Ziggler

Johnny Ace is referee. Actually scratch that as he says he’ll be outside referee and there will be a regular one in the ring. We get big match intros as we should. Punk gets a nice reaction. Before the bell, Ace comes in and throws Vickie out. My goodness they’re actually following continuity! Punk won a match a few weeks ago that ensured Vickie wouldn’t be out here if you remember that.

Ziggler goes for a quick Fameasser and Punk goes for a quick GTS which both miss. Ace is texting already. They start with a nice sequence of counters and avoiding moves. This is going to be a chess match. Sunset flip gets two for the champ and he tries the Vice but Ziggy gets to the ropes. Punk takes it to the mat quickly and we go outside. Punk gets in a few shots and goes up top back in but Ziggler knocks him off for two. The champ is holding his neck.

Neckbreaker puts Punk down and Ziggler drops about ten elbows, finishing with a jumping elbow for a one count. Off to a chinlock for a few moments. Punk fights up and they slug it out. Ziggler grabs a sleeper which Punk reverses into an Anaconda attempt. Back to the sleeper but it’s not all the way on. Ziggler rolls off and a dropkick gets two. He tries a running Fameasser but gets caught in a helicopter bomb for two.

Punk fires off strikes and a swinging neckbreaker to put Dolph down. There are the knee and bulldog and Punk has the fire in his eyes. GTS is countered into a catapult but Punk lands on the middle rope. Ziggler rolls through a cross body for two with tights. Punk gets a running boot for a delayed two. This has been FAR better than any other match tonight. Punk slams him to set up the elbow but stops because it’s near Ace. He goes up anyway and the elbow gets two. It also draws a Randy Savage chant and a smile from me.

Another GTS attempt is countered by Ziggler and Punk is shoved into the referee. Ace tries to wake him up and Punk gets the Vice. Ziggler taps but there’s no referee because Ace is trying to revive him. Punk lets it go and yells at Ace. Ziggler rolls him up but Punk reverses into a rollup of his own. It would get three but there’s still no referee. John rolls the referee back in and keeps checking on him.

Punk finally shoves Ace and yells at him. Ziggler tries to jump him but gets caught in the GTS. Ace gets knocked down by Dolph’s feet and thinks Punk intentionally hit him. There’s STILL no referee to count the pin, but he’s on his knees now. Ace won’t count so Punk says the next GTS is for him. Punk loads up another GTS on Ziggler but Dolph counters into a Fameasser in a SWEET counter but it only gets two.

Ziggler is back into it now and he pounds away at Punk like there’s no tomorrow. The regular referee is back up now. Here comes the Zig Zag but Punk catches it into a slingshot. GTS hits but Ace comes in and….counts the pin along with the regular referee so that Punk wins at 14:42.

Rating: B. Not a classic or anything but it was by far the best match of the night and a great breath of air to this horrible show. Punk and Ziggler are just great together and in the match, everything made perfect sense. Ace didn’t see who hit him and that it was an accident so he was justifiably mad. He spent a lot of time with the referee but there never was any actual cheating.

Ace hands the referee the belt so Punk can take it. He applauds Punk as well.

Ad for WWE on Youtube which will have 9 original shows apparently. It debuts Wednesday.

Rumble by the Numbers promo.

Royal Rumble

Miz is #1 and he has the AWESOME white balloons to go through. Elimination Chamber is in three weeks. My goodness. Alex Riley is second in a nice twist. Miz takes him down in the corner and Booker is talking about royal jelly. Riley throws him to the apron but Miz lands on the apron. Riley charges like an idiot and is out before #3 comes in. Third is R-Truth and I’m so glad they’re not calling this random anymore. It would just be laughable.

Truth puts him on the apron as well but Miz gets back in. The Finale is escapes but the Little Jimmy is avoided. Truth tries….something that I think was suppsed to be a forward suplex but turned into a powerslam. Miz is thrown to the apron and Cody is #4. Cody hits a quick Beautiful Disaster and then teams up with Miz to work on Truth. Cody takes awhile working on Truth and is thrown to the apron but he hangs on.

Miz takes Truth down with a neckbreaker and Cody gets back in. #5 is Justin Gabriel and he goes up top to take the heels out with a cross body. Flying shoulder takers Miz down and a Blue Thunder Bomb does the same to Cody. The clock seems to be going very quickly. Miz is put down again by a spinwheel kick but Cody gets in a shot to slow Gabriel down. The feuds pair off with Justin and Cody trading chops.

Primo is #6 and unfortunately there’s no Rosa. He actually cleans house with clotheslines and martial arts. He takes all four guys down and never gets hit at all. A NICE headscissors puts Justin down and Cody misses Beautiful Disaster to Truth. The spinning forearm takes Cody down but Miz throws Truth out. Truth pulls Miz out and hits a Little Jimmy on the floor, but Miz went under the ropes so he’s not eliminated.

In at #7 is MICK FOLEY! He, ahem, “runs” to the ring and takes Primo down quickly. Officially there are 5 people in at the moment but Miz is on the floor. Primo charges and gets backdropped out and is eliminated by Mick. Cody jumps Foley as Justin takes a breather. There’s a Bang Bang knee in the corner. Double Arm DDT takes Cody down and Justin helps with the elimination attempt.

Alberto Del…..and never mind it’s Ricardo at #8. In a hilarious bit, he comes out in a rusted out 80s car with a Hefty bag covering a busted out window. He’s in the scarf and tights also. This is GREAT. Justin and Foley are stunned. There’s a Ricardo chant. He runs around for awhile and actually puts Justin out as Foley stands there. Santino is #9 as we’re in the comedy portion of the Rumble. Cody is still down in the corner and Miz is on the mat.

Ricardo comes right at Santino but runs from the Cobra being teased. Santino beats up Ricardo for a bit, gives him a wedgie, and tosses him. Foley and Santino are the only ones left and I kid you not: it’s Socko vs. the Cobra. They circle each other with their hand puppets on and this is hilarious. Epico is in at #10. Cobra, Socko, bye bye. The Cobra and Sock collide and it’s hilarious still.

Miz gets back in to fight Foley as Cody tosses Santino. Socko to Miz but Cody comes from behind to toss him. Miz and Cody are the only ones in now but Kofi comes in at #11 to keep them from fighting. Kofi does the running dive through the ropes into a clothesline to take Cody down. He speeds things way up and hits a springboard double clothesline and a double Boom Drop. Miz is thrown to the apron but Cody makes the save.

A dropkick from Cody puts Kofi down and the clock is already ticking again. In at #12 is….JERRY LAWLER!!! That was a nice surprise and he ducks a right hand from Miz. Both heels go down from right hands and dropkicks. A slam puts Miz down and Lawler drops the strap and hits the middle rope punch, but Cody puts him out with little effort. Still though that was a cool surprise.

It’s Kofi, Cody, Miz and now Big Zeke Jackson with new tights at #13. King is back on commentary and at least he lasted longer than he did in 1997 I believe. Zeke pounds on everyone but doesn’t try to eliminate anyone until Jinder Mahal comes in to bore us #14. Cole tries to make us care by talking about the color of his head wrap which isn’t a turban apparently. He takes forever to get in so Zeke beats on everyone for awhile. The fans chant USA, so I guess they don’t like Zeke and Kofi and are supporting Cody and Miz?

We hit the halfway point as Great Khali is #15. Jinder is a little nervous. I forgot he existed so I guess the Hall of Pain was effective. Khali chops everyone and Jinder is easily tossed after trying to fight back. Jackson goes after Khali but takes a chop of his own. A clothesline puts Jackson out. It’s Miz, Rhodes, Kingston and Khali in at the moment and we’ve had 11 eliminations and 15 entrants.

Cody is dropped onto the apron by Kofi. Here’s #16 in the form of Hunico on a tricked out lowrider bike. Camacho is with him but leaves. A nice spinning springboard cross body takes Kofi down and things speed up. He hits his modified Angle Slam on Cody but is quickly chopped down. We’re about 24 minutes in and already at #17, which is BOOKER T! Sorry but you have to shout when any old person is in these things. Internet policy don’t you know.

Booker hammers on everyone but Khali stares him down. Booker goes at him and is chopped down quickly. The ring is at its fullest so far I believe with six guys in it. Khali chops Rhodes in the corner and Miz throws Kofi to the apron. He skins the cat but Miz kicks him down. Kofi lands in a handstand and WALKS BACKWARDS ON HIS HANDS TO GET TO THE STEPS! That was INCREDIBLE!!!

Dolph Ziggler is in at #18 and goes after the guy that has easily just trumped the wall climb by Morrison. Not much happens until Jim Duggan is #19, getting one of the best reactions of the night. There are seven or eight in there at the moment: Duggan, Khali, Hunico, Rhodes, Miz, Kingston, Booker and Ziggler. So it’s 8 and we’ve had 19 entrants and 11 eliminations. Duggan gets in some shots but Rhodes puts him out with a clothesline to the back.

Khali, Ziggler and Cody team up to put out Booker but Khali goes out instead. #20 is….Michael Cole. There’s your gimmick for the Rumble. And he has the wrestling gear on. How does the screening process for these entrants go? We keep the camera on him for far too long as we now have Cole, Miz, Kofi, Cody, Hunico and Ziggler in now. Cody tries to put Ziggler out as Cole dances around. If JR is in this thing I’ll need a stiff drink. #21 is…..Kharma! Wow she’s back early but they’ve been playing up the whole only two women ever thing.

She goes right after Cole and runs him over so hard the headgear comes off. Cole jumps over the top rope to the apron as Booker and Lawler jump up to eliminate him. Ziggler goes after Kharma who plants her with the Implant Buster. She throws Hunico WAY up and out. Ziggler dumps her but that was awesome. Ok so we now have Ziggler, Cody, Miz and Kofi in there. Good to see the young guys getting their chance.

#22 is Sheamus and the place goes nuts. He’s in red now. House is cleaned with everyone but Kofi getting hit. Powerslam to Ziggler and one for Miz as well. He goes after Kofi as well as Cole gives us stats on the announcers. Sheamus dumps Kofi to get us down to three in the ring at the moment. There are the ten forearms to Cody and ten for Miz as well. #23 is the Road Dogg to very little reaction.

He hammers on everyone in sight and hits the three punches and dance. There’s the Shake Rattling Kneedrop which has a name that I don’t remember. Pumphandle slam takes Miz down and the fans chant You Still Got It. Jey Uso is #24 but Jimmy is in street clothes so it’ll just be one. He superkicks Miz as Vickie screams. The Umaga running hip shot hits Roadie and Ziggler is draped on the ropes. It’s Miz, Sheamus, Jey Uso, Road Dogg, Ziggler and Cody at the moment. We’ve had 18 eliminated and 24 entrants so far.

#25 is Jack Swagger. He and Ziggler hook up and it’s Barrett at #26 with new music. Barrett dumps Road Dogg and gets in a fight with Sheamus. #27, the lucky number, is David Otunga. Well so much for it being lucky this year. He takes forever to get to the ring as we have I think 8 people in there right now. Otunga legitimately won a case in court earlier this week so at least he has something to fall back on.

The ring is pretty full here as we wait on Orton to clear them out. There’s him, Jericho and one other spot that I can’t think of to go. There are eight in at the moment but I’ll wait until #30 gets in to recap them. #28 is Orton and the place goes banana. Orton runs people over and hits a Thesz Press on Barrett. He cleans house but Rhodes jumps him. Orton puts him in Elevated DDT position but has to fight Ziggler off. We get a double DDT instead. Ok then.

Orton tosses Uso then RKOs Barrett to toss him out. #29 is Chris Jericho so who’s #30. This could be very interesting. Jericho goes after everyone and tosses Otunga. We have Swagger, Sheamus, Jericho, Ziggler, Orton, Rhodes and Miz. Here’s #30 and it’s……Big Show. Well that’s kind of a letdown but it’s a good place for a giant. Sheamus throws Swagger out as Show gets in.

The final group: Orton, Sheamus, Jericho, Miz, Cody, Ziggler and Big Show. He puts out Miz and Cody on his own to get us down to five. There goes Ziggler to get us down to the final four. There’s plenty of time left as it’s only 10:37 and the show has been going on a little over 45 minutes. Everyone takes a corner and they all go after Big Show. He throws them off with ease but an RKO puts him down. Orton tosses Show by himself and Jericho tosses Orton.

It’s Sheamus vs. Jericho and they circle each other before going at it. This is kind of a surprising final pairing even though they were some of the early favorites. Jericho is in long tights too. Booker thinks Sheamus winning the Rumble would do something for his career. You can’t buy analysis like this people. Missile dropkick puts Sheamus down. Irish Curse looks to set up the Celtic Cross but Jericho escapes and puts Sheamus on the apron. Jericho kicks him down but Sheamus hooks the rope with his leg. He hits the slingshot to get back in and we keep going.

Sheamus puts Jericho into the apron but the Brogue Kick misses. Jericho gets back in and hooks the Walls of Jericho which Lawler questions the use of but it wore Sheamus down I guess. Jericho sets for a clothesline but Sheamus backdrops him to the apron. Chris hangs on and they go to the corner. Jericho has still gone over the top remember. Sheamus is knocked off and crotched so they’re both on the apron after having gone over the top. And they’re both back in so we continue. This final part has been good so far.

Codebreaker takes Sheamus down and Jericho tries to choke Sheamus over the top. For some reason he slaps Sheamus which is just freaking stupid. Jericho tries to fight back but the Codebreaker is countered and Sheamus sits him on the ropes. Jericho hangs on but Sheamus Brogue Kicks him down and wins the Rumble at 54:48.

Rating: B+. Very good Rumble with a great variety of comedy and wrestling to make it work. It felt somewhat formula based at times but everything in WWE does anymore. It was fun though and it seems that they’re pushing someone new (kind of) for a change which is the best you can ask for in these things.

Overall Rating: B-. Well the final two matches saved it but the first hour of so of this was AWFUL. That being said, the whole point of the show is the Rumble and that was great so I can’t complain about the overall show all that much. A good Rumble can save a show, and it plus the Raw Title match did here. Good show, but only because they have a nearly hour long match to cover up the first hour being awful.

Results
Daniel Bryan b. Mark Henry and Big Show – Bryan escaped the cage
Beth Phoenix/Bella Twins/Natalya b. Kelly Kelly/Alicia Fox/Tamina/Eve Torres – Glam Slam to Kelly
John Cena vs. Kane went to a double countout
Brodus Clay b. Drew McIntyre – What The Funk
CM Punk b. Dolph Ziggler – GTS
Sheamus won the Royal Rumble last eliminating Chris Jericho

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I’m happy.

Thoughts?

It’s more likely than it was. Check back.

Please?

First and foremost, remember that I likely (as in extremely likely) won’t have a live review up for the Rumble. It’ll probably be later in the week. I’ll get something up on it, if nothing else my thoughts on the winners. On with the preview!I’ll take Bryan to retain.  Him losing seems too easy to be reality.

I have a feeling that it’ll be Ziggler getting the title.  Monday will either be a swerve or Ace will think he’s fired no matter what and will screw Punk no matter what.

For the Rumble itself……the even money is on Orton but I’m going to pick Punk.  No idea how or why, but that’s my instinct.

Any predictions/thoughts?

Smackdown
Date: January 27, 2012
Location: Tucson Arena, Tucson, Arizona
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Booker T

It’s the final show before the Rumble so we have to have some build for it tonight right? This year it seems that they’re focusing more on the regular matches and letting the Rumble build itself. That’s an unconventional idea but it’s not the worst in the world. The Rumble will draw on the fact that it’s the Rumble so why not let everything else get built up too? Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of AJ getting run over two weeks ago.

Here’s Big Show for the first time since that incident happened. He says he’s sorry for what happened and has already apologized to AJ in person which she accepted. Now he’s asking the fans to do the same. He can’t forgive himself for what happened though. Even when he was a kid he didn’t know his own strength and would hurt other kids when they were playing. He thought that being in WWE would change that and he wouldn’t hurt someone like that again.

Show loves it here but he’s not sure if he can continue his career after hurting AJ. After Sunday, he’s going to have to do some soul searching. He’s cut off by Daniel Bryan who doesn’t have the title for some reason. Bryan yells at Big Show and says that AJ doesn’t remember Show visiting due to the medication. Bryan remembers though.

He remembers watching as a kid and thinking it was a place for athletes, not genetic freaks. And before Show mentions Andre, just save it because he’s no Andre the Giant. Bryan goes off on him, yelling about how Show is a monster and there’s no way he’s going to retire or anything like that. Bryan slaps him and Show snaps, choking him into the corner and tossing Bryan across the ring. Here’s Henry to remind us that it’s a triple threat match on Sunday. He doesn’t care about Show’s feelings or Bryan’s Napoleon Complex. As for Bryan, he’s going to tear his skin off on general principle for what Bryan did last week.

Teddy stops the skin removal and makes a second main event (first is Barrett vs. Orton) in the form of Henry vs. Big Show. That’s a good choice actually as it means that every combination of the three have fought over the last three weeks, which is what Teddy said when he made it.

Cody Rhodes vs. Justin Gabriel

Non-title match. A quick inset interview from Cody says he’s doing this so Gabriel can tell his grandkids that he lost to the man that headlined Wrestlemania. A quick spin kick gets two for Gabriel. A quick Alabama Slam gets two for the champ. Booker wants to know why this isn’t for the title. Gabriel gets in a few kicks and a flying forearm. Out to the floor and Justin hits a dive. Back in and a springboard cross body is rolled through for two. A top rope Lionsault misses though, setting up the Beautiful Disaster and Cross Rhodes for the pin at 2:10.

Santino is in the back with Teddy and has a new match idea. It’s a loser leaves town match, but the loser has to join a group of monkeys and get in a spaceship and fly away from Earth. Yoshi Tatsu pops up and says that’s out of this world. They talk about a tag team but can’t decide if it’s called Yoshtino or Santoshi. Drew comes in and begs for one more chance. He talks about how Babe Ruth struck out five times in a game once. This is just a slump. Teddy says go break your slump against Sheamus.

Drew McIntyre vs. Sheamus

Big reaction for Sheamus. They pound away on each other to start until Sheamus hits that rolling fireman’s carry that Anderson and Finlay used. Drew comes back with a northern lights suplex for two. He works on the arm and a snap suplex gets two. A kick to the back just ticks Sheamus off. He pounds Drew down in the corner and hits his running axe handle shots. Brogue Kick finishes Drew off at 2:48. Sheamus needs a real feud (as in not against Mahal) for after the Rumble. These squashes are only going to take him so far.

Rumble by the Numbers.

Yoshi Tatsu/Santino Marella vs. Epico/Primo

It’s better than nothing to get Yoshi on TV I guess. Santino and Primo start things off and of course it’s a comedy match. Off to Yoshi who works on the arm. Cole goes on a big rant about the language issues in this match as Epico comes in and takes over on Yoshi. Backslide gets two for Yoshi and it’s off to Santino again. He takes over with his usual stuff and everything breaks down. Cobra takes out Primo but the Backstabber takes down Santino so Epico can pin him at 2:16. These matches have been short tonight but they’re long enough that you get something out of them. That’s a very good way to run a TV show.

Bryan gets in Henry’s ear and says that Teddy obviously wants Show to be champion. Henry should hurt Big Show tonight. He seems intrigued by the idea.

Here’s Wade for his match with Orton. He talks about how there’s a lot of pageantry to show tonight because Orton is returning. Barrett has heard that Orton isn’t healthy yet. Oh his back might be ok but he’s a broken man. We get a clip from last month where Orton was injured. Orton’s music hits and we get a full walk from the back from him.

Wade Barrett vs. Randy Orton

They start in the aisle and the referee just lets them go. I never heard a bell. A bunch of referees come out to stop Randy and Barrett tries to leave. Teddy comes out and sends the NXT guys to pull Randy off him. Barrett uses the chance to kick him in the face. Back in the ring Orton spears Barrett and everyone is trying to pull him off. Barrett finally gets away. No match obviously. Orton RKOs the NXT guys, including the Usos, Barretta, Reks and Hawkins.

Rumble moment is Eddie Guerrero putting on a mask, calling himself Rey Mysterio and winning the Rumble.

Bryan talks to Kaitlyn because she’s AJ’s best friend. He wants Kaitlyn to warn Show about Henry trying to injure him later. Kaitlyn thinks that sounds like a favor for Bryan, not AJ. Bryan says it’s the same thing so she gives in. She does want to know how Bryan feels about AJ, which he won’t directly answer.

Hunico vs. Ted DiBiase

DiBiase has an injured wrist/hand. Cole wants DiBiase to release his income tax statements. Oh geez not more political stuff. Hunico goes after the wrist of course and hooks an armbar. DiBiase comes back and tries Dream Street but the wrist gives out. Huico hits a variation of an Angle Slam for the pin at 1:30. Instead of the usual Slam position, it was more compact and Hunico had DiBiase’s head hooked. It looked like an Angle Slam combined with a Samoan Drop if that makes sense.

Hunico and Camacho beat on the wrist more post match and stomp it on the steps.

Aksana and Teddy are in the back when Natalya comes in and demands a rematch with Tamina. Nattie says she can beat the wackjob known as Tamina and Aksana too. Teddy makes Aksana vs. Natalya. Bad comedy ensues.

Alex Riley vs. Brodus Clay

Even Riley dances during the entrance. They dance a bit to start and Brodus suplexes him, splashes him in the corner and What The Funk ends this at 36 seconds. I still love this guy.

Kaitlyn talks to Show in the back but we can’t hear it.

We get a LONG clip from Monday with the Cena/Ryder/Kane thing.

Aksana vs. Natalya

Natalya turns around, yells for Tamina, and Aksana rolls her up for the pin in 5 seconds. Yes, clearly this deserves TV time instead of ANYTHING ELSE. Natalya puts her in the Sharpshooter but Tamina runs in, beats up Natalya and hits the Superfly Splash.

Big Show vs. Mark Henry

Bryan comes out to watch. They to the floor almost immediately but Show throws him back in. There’s a headbutt by Show and he chops Henry in the corner. Henry comes back with right hands….and falls flat on his face. From what I’ve heard, this was a legit knee/leg injury. They immediately go to a commercial and when we come back, Big Show is being announced as the winner. Apparently Show knocked Henry to the floor and won by countout. We only saw about a minute of the match.

Bryan comes in with a chair and that doesn’t go well for him. Show goes after him and Bryan gets the chair back which puts Show down. He even gets the LeBell Lock. Show tosses Bryan off and chokeslams him. He loads up the knockout punch but Bryan runs.

Overall Rating: C. This was a very odd show. If I didn’t know any better or hadn’t seen the clips about the Rumble, I would have no idea that show was Sunday. Now that being said, there’s a logic there as the Rumble name itself is going to draw no matter what. As for Henry, that could be a problem, but they got lucky in that it’s a triple threat so either A, they could let him get knocked down early and stay down for the majority of the match, or they could just do Show vs. Bryan which would be fine. Anyway, this was a different kind of show as they got a lot done, but there was very little wrestling. It still worked though.

Results
Cody Rhodes b. Justin Gabriel – Cross Rhodes
Sheamus b. Drew McIntyre – Brogue Kick
Epico/Primo b. Yoshi Tatsu/Santino Marella – Backstabber to Epico
Hunico b. Ted DiBiase – Spinning Samoan Drop
Brodus Clay b. Alex Riley – What The Funk
Aksana b. Natalya – Rollup
Big Show b. Mark Henry via countout

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Impact Wrestling
Date: January 26, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

Back to Orlando for another week of shows, but after this (next week I believe) they’re off to England. Anyway, we now don’t have a number one contender because of the interference last week. This is probably setting up a triple threat or a fatal fourway at the PPV, which isn’t what I’m wanting but it’s probably going to happen and that’s ok. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the whole issue from last week and how we have no #1 contender.

Jeff is beating up Ray in the back and rams him into a table a few times. Jeff chokes him with a broom and the fight keeps going. The cameraman chases after him and Ray gets in some weak shots. They go through a door and Hardy keeps beating him up. A white truck pulls up with Roode in it and he saves Ray by ramming Jeff into a sign. Ray gets a wooden pallet but opts for some metal thing instead. He drops the pallet on Jeff’s leg and then does it again. They throw him in the truck but Storm comes in for the save but is beaten down as well. Sting eventually chases everyone off. The sight of him sans paint scared them.

Velvet Sky vs. Mickie James vs. Tara

The winner gets Gail at Against All Odds. Tara uses the Matrish to avoid a clothesline so it hits Velvet. We get into the standard formula of two fight while the third is down. Tara and Mickie do most of the fighting as we take a break. Back with Velvet monkey flipping Tara but Mickie breaks up whatever she was trying with a neckbreaker on Sky. Velvet knocks them both down, then Mickie knocks them both down. Thesz Press gets two on Velvet and a spinning kick gets the same on Tara. Velvet breaks up the jumping DDT and Tara hits the spinning side slam on Velvet onto Mickie (as in Sky landed on Mickie) for the pin at 9:37.

Rating: D. I think I’m getting very biased against women’s wrestling, but I just do not care at all about it. It’s whoever is hot at the moment and that’s about it. It’s not like people really care about it but they get a ton of time anyway. I don’t get it but there’s no way around it. Either way, weak match here but Tara vs. Gail could be good.

Gail says bring it.

We see highlights of the opening brawl earlier.

Here are Sting, Storm and Hardy to no music. He asks for Roode and Ray to get out here and the fight continues. Sting holds the good guys back with the bat and tries to calm things down. He gets them apart and says stay on one side. They fight again and eventually it’s made into a tag team tables match for later. That would be better if it wasn’t announced in the clip before the show started.

Shelley is facing Zema Ion and if he wins he gets the shot at Aries at Against All Odds.

Eric Young is getting ready and thinks a stagehand is Sammy Davis Jr. Angelina and Winter come up and imply sex. And they Love hits him low but he’s wearing a cup.

Zema Ion vs. Alex Shelley

Shelley takes over to start and gets a rollup for two. Zema beats him into the corner and doesn’t want this on cameras. He comes out of the corner with a spinning body press for two. Reverse powerbomb by Shelley and a powerbomb puts Ion on the floor. They fly around a bit and Ion sets for the 450 but Shelley moves and Sliced Bread ends this at 4:26.

Rating: C. This was a standard cruiserweight match and that’s about it. Shelley is fun to watch but ever since they’ve changed the weight limit, the title feels very secondary and the matches and feuds have felt like filler instead of something that I should care about. Such is life in a company run by Bischoff and Hogan.

AJ says that this business has changed everyone and tonight, he’s finding out why Kaz is Daniels’ puppet.

Tara says she’ll be training harder than ever and can beat Gail.

Earlier today, Eric went to Garrett’s gym to find out who the trainer is. Eric goes in and sees who it is but sends the trainer away. He was freaked out by it.

Winter/Angelina Love vs. ODB/Eric Young

Eric locks up with the referee who winds up on the apron and is then brought in. Now he tags in Eric and gets locked up with. Mike calls this the Harlem Globetrotters of wrestling. I’ve seen the Harlem Globetrotters. Eric Young is no Globetrotter. Over two minutes in and no contact yet. Winter finally hits him so Eric strips. ODB finally comes in and I’ve never been happier to see her in my life.

A Bronco Buster is messed up and Angelina takes over a few seconds later. Off to Winter who puts her in the Tree of Woe which is an image I don’t need. ODB gets in a shot and Eric throws in the flask for….another shot I guess. There’s the fallaway slam and nip up. Far too much of this match has been spent showing her underwear. Eric comes in and we get stereo airplane spins. TKO ends Angelina at 7:00.

Rating: F. I know Eric Young is popular. I get that, but my goodness I’m not a fan of him at all. This got seven minutes which is a lot of time that could have been used for someone else. Also, there was far too much of ODB taking her clothes off.

Ray and Roode fire each other up for the match later.

Video on the tag title feud with Joe/Magnus challenging the champs.

Samoa Joe vs. Matt Morgan

Joe strikes him into the corner to start but Morgan uses the power of choking and chopping to come back. Morgan plays to the crowd with the elbows but gets caught in the choke. He breaks it quickly and beats on Joe even more. Clothesline gets two. Joe gets a boot up in the corner and a middle rope leg lariat gives him control.

A running charge in the corner and a kick to the head get two. Morgan takes over again and hits some clotheslines. A side slam gets two. Hellevator takes too long to set up so Joe kicks him down and a backsplash gets two. Morgan gets back up and hits a discus clothesline for….three? Mike sounds just as surprised as I am but it got the pin at 4:48.

Rating: C-. This was just ok. It still amazes me how far Joe has fallen in just a few years. He’s floated from random feud to random feud for years now and I still am not clear as to why that’s happened. This feud continues the theory that tag wrestling is done in this country, at least for the time being.

The champs get beaten down with Morgan taking the double team finisher from Magnus and Joe.

Hardy and Storm say they’ll win with a boom.

AJ wants to get to the bottom of this with Kaz and knows Daniels is pulling the strings. Here are Daniels and Kaz and the latter can’t talk to AJ. Daniels talks about how AJ is always throwing a tantrum about something or other. He says Kaz doesn’t owe AJ a thing. AJ goes to the floor but Daniels and Kaz backpedal. Daniels calls AJ a thug so AJ says he’ll turn around and let Kaz take his head off.

Kaz goes to leave but Daniels directs him to go do it. He goes to the apron and can’t do it. Daniels goes in and AJ knocks him to the floor with ease. AJ says Kaz can get in here right now and shake his hand and we’ll forget all this. The idiots at the Impact Zone count for some reason as Kaz gets in. AJ sticks out his hand but Daniels says Kaz isn’t going to do that so he gets out. Daniels says he’s had it and says he’s going to propose AJ vs. Kaz.

Jeff Hardy/James Storm vs. Bobby Roode/Bully Ray

Tables match. They manage to stay calm during the big match intros. SO Sting with a ball bat isn’t enough to keep them apart but Jeremy Borash is? Weird company man. Beer Money explodes on a table as Ray tries to suplex Hardy through one, only for Jeff to hang onto the ropes with his feet. This is all on the floor. Storm spits beer in Roode’s face. Ray takes over on Hardy but Storm makes the save. We take a break with Ray taking a water bottle to the head.

Back with Ray hitting Hardy with a chair. Hardy slingshots Ray into a post and a table is sent into the ring. Storm and Hardy try to suplex Roode through the table but Ray moves the table then takes them both down. It’s one person going through the table to end it. Roode comes back and stomps Storm to the floor so it’s Roode and Hardy in the ring now.

A table is set up in the corner and Hardy is almost able to send Roode through it but Ray makes the save. Ray tries a big boot through Hardy through the table but Jeff moves, leaving a hole in the table. Codebreaker takes Ray out but a spinebuster takes out Storm. Ray puts Hardy’s head against the post and punches it for awhile.

Storm goes into the steps and Hardy is put on the table in the ring. Ray goes up but Storm kicks him down. Now Storm goes up and Roode loads up a superplex through the table but Jeff moves. Hardy pulls Roode down and hits a Twist so he can put Roode on the table. Storm elbows Roode through it to win at 14:00.

Rating: C+. Not a bad table match and it was pretty fun on top of that. I’d assume this will wind up being a fourway for the title which is fine and would be a good way to shift it over to Hardy. This was a fun way to end the show as table matches are always popular for some reason that I’ve never quite gotten.

Post match, Ray destroys the winners with a chair and Hardy is powerbombed through a table.

Overall Rating: C-. I’m not a fan of TNA lately. The stories are all there and mostly make sense, but nothing they’re doing is grabbing me. Pretty much it’s “this happens then this happens which leads us to this.” That’s fine, but it’s not going to get people excited about things. It’s not a bad show at all but it really isn’t all that interesting. I couldn’t get into it all night and was just wanting it to end, which isn’t a good thing.

Results
Tara b. Mickie James and Velvet Sky – Pinned James after a spinning side slam to Sky
Alex Shelley b. Zema Ion – Sliced Bread #2
ODB/Eric Young b. Angelina Love/Winter – TKO to Love
Matt Morgan b. Samoa Joe – Discus Clothesline
Jeff Hardy/James Storm b. Robert Roode/Bully Ray – Storm put Roode through a table

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NXT
Date: January 25, 2012
Location: Tucson Arena, Tuscon, Arizona
Commentators: Josh Matthews, William Regal

We enter the second century of episodes of this show and apparently the time has been moved to 10pm EST now. Not that there was any notification of that but an article on there mentioned tuning in then to find out. Anyway, the wedding is over, Bateman and Maxine are together again, and Titus is now a heel. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Titus in an awesome looking suit to open things up. We get a clip of his rant last week against the fans. Titus talks about an apology but means the fans owe him one. The people are booing so this is at least somewhat effective. He says he did everything the fans asked for like taking pictures and he’s gotten nothing out of it. Titus talks about how he’s the big dog and the man around here.

Cue Watson who says he’s been there for Titus since day one. Now Titus wins one match (that’s a stretch isn’t it?) and he’s turning his back on everyone? Watson says the people love Titus and Titus doesn’t buy that. He says the fans don’t love him. Percy loves him, but not the people. Titus says this is just business and he did all the meaningless points and such and now even Percy is dragged into it with the stupid talk show.

He invites Percy to join the dark side because together they’re unstoppable. Percy declines because that isn’t winning. Percy says Titus sounds like Darren Young and that doesn’t sit well with O’Neil. Titus says there’s one option: be with him or against him. That would be two but I’m no NXT rookie. Percy says he’s not with him and drops the mic. Titus drops him so Striker comes out and makes the main event.

In the back, Hawkins and Reks want to know why they’re not in the main event. Striker says worry about the Usos tonight and he’ll worry about NXT.

Usos vs. Tyler Reks/Curt Hawkins

You can really see the issues with tag team wrestling at this point. You only have room for one successful tag team at a time and right now, that’s Primo/Epico so a team like the Usos who are very solid aren’t allowed to get any wins on the main TV shows. It’s a shame too because it’ll probably be a few months before that happens. Jimmy vs. Hawkins to start as Regal talks about dancing.

Reks tries to jump Jimmy which doesn’t work at all. Hawkins tries to come in but has to duck a superkick. The heels take over and my goodness this place has gone silent. It’s almost eerie. Reks takes over on Jimmy with a quarter nelson and it’s back to Hawkins. Suplex gets two. Reks hammers away and the announcers talk about how every star is eligible for the Rumble. I’m not entirely sure what that means. I believe it means champions but I’m not sure.

Jimmy finally gets a shot to the ribs and the fans wake up for the tag to Jey. He jumps and spins around a lot as he hits the running hip attack in the corner, which ISN’T RIKISHI’S MOVE!!! Everything breaks down and Hawkins hits kind of a mat slam for two. The cane is brought in but Jey superkicks Hawkins for the pin at 5:20.

Rating: C-. I’m sure you all know the drill here: this match has happened so many times and it’s still not interesting. There’s nothing being gained from these matches and the Usos aren’t going to get on TV other than anything as guys that get to lose to Primo/Epico so the champs can continue to bore people to death.

Bateman is very happy when Kaitlyn asks why Bateman would go back to Maxine. He says if I have to be here, be here with a hot chick. Curtis is here too apparently, because saying THIS ENDS doesn’t end a thing.

Heath Slater vs. Trent Barretta

Regal says Trent makes him want to compete again. Slater takes over early and knocks him to the floor as Regal talks about being a world champion. Slater keeps control and loudly calls spots as he sends Trent into the corner. A charge misses and Trent takes him down with an enziguri. A running knee gets two. Northern lights suplex gets the same. He goes up and Slater runs the ropes and gets a powerslam off the top for two. That was pretty cool. Trent sets for a DDT but Slater escapes and charges at Trent, jumps around him and pulls him down in kind of a jumping spinning sleeper drop for the pin at 4:41.

Rating: C-. Not bad again and if I remember right, that’s Slater’s first win since something like July. He’s a jobber so that’s to be expected, but over Barretta? Why? Anyway this wasn’t bad, although I’m really getting tired of these annoying finishers which have mostly sucked anymore. Doesn’t anyone use basic moves anymore?

We get a clip from the wedding last week and Maxine rejoining Bateman. Here’s Curtis but Bateman interrupts him. Maxine complains about being stuck here, Striker says get over it because we have to get along. Maxine makes them shake hands and they get slapped. That’s it.

Rumble by the Numbers. That’s always cool.

Titus O’Neil vs. Percy Watson

Percy controls to start but Titus beats him down and throws him to the floor. He’s still in purple and does the dog bark so there isn’t much different here. O’Neil pounds him down into the corner and hooks a chinlock. Titus hammers him in the corner and hooks a chinlock. Some of you may be noticing a pattern here. Oh wait Titus told the fans to shut up. He must be evil then. Watson gets his first offense in including a clothesline, a splash and a shoulder block. Spinning splash gets two. Persecution is countered and a very bad looking Clash of the Titus ends this at 5:49.

Rating: D-. What a miserable match. Titus is just not cut out to be a heel, or at least he’s really bad at it. The problem is that he’s the same guy that he’s been the entire time now and he’s still stuck here so nothing has changed, which means the turn didn’t really do anything. Terrible match and basically a squash.

Titus beats him down even more until Alex Riley makes the save. I like that style: just bring in random people for basic stories and matches as a result.

Overall Rating: D+. This wasn’t horrible but it’s very much about the same things we’ve seen all the time. Bateman and Curtis didn’t do anything of note here and I really hope it doesn’t turn into yet another tag team. Without titles, there’s no real point to them all fighting because there’s nothing to fight over. Not a terrible show, but until the major problems are fixed, this show isn’t going anywhere.

Results
Usos b. Tyler Reks/Curt Hawkins – Superkick to Hawkins
Heath Slater b. Trent Barretta – Jumping Sleeper Drop
Titus O’Neil b. Percy Watson – Clash of the Titus

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