Last night on the forums someone asked if I still enjoyed watching wrestling.  My reply:
Absolutely. Yeah there’s A LOT of stupid stuff and you get tired of sitting through it, and then one night Fandango comes out and the fans start singing his song. Or Brodus Clay debuts as the Funkasaurus instead of another monster. Or you’re expecting some lame celebrity like Justin Bieber to be announced as host of Wrestlemania 27 and instead you hear “IF YA SMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL”. Or the night after Rock dominates Wrestlemania 27 John Cena challenges The Rock to a match a year later and WWE basically says “Oh yeah. We’re going there!.” Or you see Joseph Park absolutely nailing the rookie lawyer character. Or you watch Raw one night in January and John Cena and CM Punk put on one of the greatest matches of all time on free TV for a spot int he main event of Wrestlemania and you can barely stay on your bed because you’re trying not to scream at them to kick out because you don’t want this to end.Yes wrestling is still fun. You never know when you’re going to see something amazing.

Monday Night Raw
Date: May 6, 2013
Location: Roanoke Civic Center, Roanoke, Virginia
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

We’re closing in on Extreme Rules and tonight the main story is that Lesnar, Heyman and HHH are supposed to be in the building. It’s looking like that’s going to main event the PPV and I don’t think anyone really cares to see that. Other than that we’ve got more with Ryback vs. Cena and likely the triple threat match for what used to be the Smackdown World Title. Let’s get to it.

We open with the voiceover talking about Ryback walking out on Cena as well as Heyman and Lesnar at WWE headquarters today with the promise of footage later tonight.

Here’s Cena to open things up, saying that he’s way better than he was last week. He says he’s going to answer the fans tonight using the method of ancient master of Chinese Arts Daniel Bryan: YES it was a bad idea to wrestle hurt last week, NO it won’t stop him from fighting at the PPV, YES he’s mad at Ryback, YES he’s ready for Ryback to do the Fandango, NO the picture of he and Betty White is Photoshopped.

Cena says he’s the WWE Champion and it’s his job to get in the ring every week and perform. He hasn’t been 100% since 2002 but it’s not going to stop him from defending the championship. Cue Vickie to the arena for the first time in awhile that I can remember. She says that the PPV is going to be extreme, like with the cage match between HHH and Lesnar and the triple threat ladder match. Vickie brings out Ryback to get his input on the stipulations for the WWE Title match.

She asks both guys to say what kind of match they want. Cena says how about the winner is the one who runs out of the arena screaming, but that’s giving Ryback too big of an advantage. We could have a whine-off but Ryback would be too big of a favorite there too. We even get a Ryback impression from Cena, talking about international phone cards and fried green tomatoes. In short, Cena doesn’t care what kind of match it is.

Vickie tells off Ryback for walking out last week but says he gets to pick the stips for the title match. Ryback talks about how Cena’s Achilles heel is hurt but his real Achilles heel is his pride. It’s going to be last man standing at Extreme Rules and that’s about it. Ryback just leaves with nothing physical.

We hear about Lesnar and Heyman invading WWE headquarters. It comes off like a breaking news report from a news channel.

Randy Orton vs. Damien Sandow

Orton beat Sandow on Smackdown but after the match Sandow hit him with the Terminus, meaning we need a rematch. On the way to the ring, Sandow gives us a song, set to the beat of Voices and talking about how Orton never changes his facial expressions, is covered in oil and is an ignoramus. That was great. Orton jumps Sandow quickly and loads up the Elevated DDT, only to have Damien head to the floor. Back in and Orton hits the backbreaker and the circle stomp as we take a break.

Back with Sandow holding a chinlock but Orton standing up to escape. Some knees to Randy’s ribs set up the Wind-Up Elbow for two for Damien. Back to the chinlock but Orton fights up and hits some clotheslines. The powerslam has Sandow in trouble but he gets an elbow up out of the corner. Damien goes up but jumps into a dropkick from Randy, sending Sandow to the apron. There’s the Elevated DDT and the RKO ends this at 9:26.

Rating: C-. So to clarify: Orton pinned Sandow clean with the RKO on Friday and tonight he beat Sandow clean with the RKO. I’m so glad we got to see this match twice in a row with the exact same thing happening. That’s what I mean when I talk about lazy booking by WWE. We didn’t gain anything from this, we didn’t get anything new, and the writers get to use the same idea without thinking. They benefit while we get bored by these same two matches. Lucky us.

Big Show knocks out Randy as he leaves.

Here’s Jericho with what looks like a new light up jacket. He talks about Fandango, complete with a ton of plays on his name. Jericho has set up a table of judges at ringside tonight and it’s going to be him and Tons of Funk scoring Fandango’s match.

Fandango vs. R-Truth

The brunette dancer is back instead of Summer Rae now. Fandango’s entrance gets a five out of thirty from the judges. Fandango jumps Truth as he starts and dances a bit before putting on a cravate. Truth comes back with the front suplex and ax kick to send Fandango to the floor. Some splits from R-Truth combine for a score of 62/30. Fandango walks out of the match at 1:36. This was an angle instead of a match.

More pictures of Heyman and Lesnar at WWE HQ.

We look back at Smackdown with Bryan losing to Ryback and then being attacked by Shield later in the night.

Bryan says he’s fine physically. Make that fine actually (not a typo). He talks about how Shield is all about justice, which means he’s going to challenge Ryback to a rematch. Ryback pops up immediately and says no to the challenge. Kane pops up and says Ryback can fight him if he wants and I think the challenge is accepted.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Dolph Ziggler

Non-title of course. Del Rio takes him down with a quick headlock and a hard kick to the back for two. Dolph comes back and stomps away in the corner before hitting a running splash for two. Alberto hits a running kick to the head/shoulder in the corner for two followed by the forearms to the back and the Backstabber. The champ falls to the floor and here come Swagger and Colter. Jack and Langston get in a staredown but Jack walks over to the announce table as we take a break.

Back with Ziggler holding a chinlock but Del Rio fighting up into a sunset flip for two. Dolph hits a dropkick for two of his own before dropping a bunch of elbows. Off to a rear naked choke by Ziggler but Alberto escapes and launches the champion into the air. Del Rio misses the running kick to the head in the corner but lands on Dolph, seeming to injure the champ’s head in the process.

Ziggler goes up for something and Del Rio looks like he tries the running enziguri again, only to hit a running fist instead. A reverse superplex to Ziggler puts both guys down and a hard kick to Ziggler’s face get two. The cross armbreaker goees on but an AJ distraction lets Langston break up the hold. Del Rio is launched into Swagger for the DQ at 14:53.

Rating: C+. This didn’t quite do it for me and the booking of the feud continues to bring everyone down. Swagger looks dominant tonight but on Friday he’ll likely lose a match while one of the other guys gets to look strong. This “everyone loses to everyone” booking isn’t doing anyone any good and I know WWE will be SHOCKED when Ziggler wins and still isn’t bought as a legit champion.

Post match Swagger runs over Langston and beats up everyone in sight with the ladder.

We recap Ryback and Cena’s segment from earlier.

More Lesnar photos.

Video on WWE’s deal with Yahoo.

Kaitlyn gets a text from the secret admirer with the other Divas being happy. It turns into a series of Simpsons references until Khali comes up. He’s going to be sent undercover into the locker room to find out who the guy is. They leave and the Bellas show up, seeming very happy.

Shield vs. Usos/Kofi Kingston

Jey and Ambrose start things off with Dean putting Jey into the corner with some right hands. Jey fires back and takes him down before Rollins tries diving off the top, only to jump into an uppercut. Rollins drives Jey into the corner where Reigns gets in some right hands of his own. Off to a chinlock by Rollins as Jey gets beaten down. Reigns comes in and chokes away before it’s off to Rollins for another chinlock. Jey finally gets up and hits a Samoan Drop, allowing for the hot tag to Kofi.

The Shield is knocked to the floor and there’s the Boom Drop on Ambrose for no cover. Kofi misses a charge into the corner but hits some pendulum kicks to Ambrose and Rollins. The springboard cross body gets two on Dean as everything breaks down. Reigns ENDS one of the Usos with a clothesline as Kofi goes up, only to be shoved down by Rollins. Ambrose’s falling bulldog is enough to pin Kofi at 6:45.

Rating: C-. Shield does not need to be used for matches like this one. They’re WAY too important for squashes over a team that shows up once every three months and Kofi. Speaking of Kingston, why did he have to get pinned here? That’s what the Usos are there for, but instead we need to pin the US Champion right? There were NO other options whatsoever in this match at all.

Antonio Cesaro vs. Zack Ryder

Cesaro looks like a typical Swiss man now and has thankfully stopped yodeling. Ryder gets hit with the gutwrench suplex and pounded down into the corner. Zack comes back with the middle rope dropkick and that’s about it for the comeback. The Neutralizer ends Ryder at 2:02.

Post match Cesaro says no one can hold a candle to him either in NXT or WWE. He gets Orton on Wednesday so I wouldn’t put much stock into his speech.

Now we get security footage of Lesnar and Heyman arriving at WWE HQ. A lot of these shots are the same ones we’ve gotten all day. Apparently he destroyed HHH’s office.

Here’s Heyman via satellite to show us the footage he shot of Lesnar at WWE HQ this morning. They go inside and see a Sheamus poster and some Andre the Giant stuff (“He’s been dead for 150 years!”) which doesn’t impress Heyman. Heyman and Lesnar go to the fourth floor (executive offices of course, complete with the full elevator ride) and get annoyed at all the poster of WWE Superstars with none of Lesnar in sight. Heyman: “Does anyone work here on Mondays?” They go into HHH’s office (Heyman to the secretary: “You’re not Stephanie. You’re much prettier.”) and assault some assistants.

Lesnar puts the replica World Heavyweight Title on his shoulder and puts his feet on HHH’s computer. Now he breaks the computer in half with his bare hands as this just keeps going. Lesnar takes the sledgehammer off the wall and destroys the desk and some chairs. Lamps are smashed and down goes a TV. This has been going on for like ten minutes now. Heyman leaves a business card and that’s about it.

Heyman talks about how HHH earned that because HHH hit a Pedigree on Heyman a few weeks ago. He holds up the crushed replica world title which is all destroyed from the hammer shots. Heyman talks about how he’s going to make Lesnar destroy HHH in the cage and it’s going to BRUTAL. Cue HHH to the arena as Heyman freaks out. HHH responds to all that by making bald jokes. HHH says he’s extreme too because he was in the Attitude Era. I hate that that time period is such an official concept now.

HHH talks about how his other office is here in the ring and it has a great view. He became a man in this ring which is something Lesnar never did. If Lesnar wants to prove something, he can come say it to his face. In this office, they fight back. That’s how this WAY too long segment ends: with a line that lame.

AJ/Bella Twins vs. Funkadactyls/Kaitlyn

AJ and Cameron start things off with Cameron being taken down with ease. AJ toys with her before putting on a cravate to slow things down. The crowd is eerily silent. Off to Kaitlyn to stare down AJ and get slapped in the face. The Bellas walk away, allowing Kaitlyn to spear AJ down for the pin at 2:23.

Here’s Henry with something to say. He says that he doesn’t have to pretend to be tough like Sheamus does. We get a clip of Henry attacking Sheamus a few weeks ago before Mark challenges Sheamus to a match at Extreme Rules. He promises to make people remember the match and here’s Sheamus to interrupt.

Sheamus says we only saw part of the clip and shows us him getting in cheap shots on Henry last week. Henry says Sheamus better be serious at Extreme Rules but asks to fight right now. Sheamus is ready to go but gets interrupted by Wade Barrett, who apparently is Sheamus’ scheduled opponent tonight.

Wade Barrett vs. Sheamus

This is joined in progress with Barrett holding a chinlock. Henry is on commentary as well. Sheamus fights up and hits a running knee lift as Henry says Cole is “ate up with stupid.” There are the ten forearms to the chest and Barrett is knocked to the floor. Henry gets off commentary and Sheamus teases throwing Barrett at him but stops, sending Henry falling to the floor.

A Brogue Kick lays out Henry and Sheamus goes back inside with the top rope shoulder for two on Wade. Barrett gets a quick small package and the Winds of Change for two each. The Irish Curse stops the comeback dead but the Brogue Kick misses. A big forearm gets two for Barrett but the Bull Hammer is caught in White Noise. The Brogue Kick ends Barrett at 4:45.

Rating: C. Both midcard champions job in the same night again. The match was the usual physical fight between these two but Barrett jobbing has become an obvious ending to their matches. Sheamus continues to look great in the ring as he has a style that is very easy to adapt to and can work well with any kind of opponent.

Post match Henry whips Sheamus with a belt, meaning we’re likely heading to a strap match. Henry: “I’m gonna beat you like you stole something!”

Jericho vs. Fandango next week.

Now we look at the Lesnar footage AGAIN.

Ryback vs. Kane

They’re doing the whole monster vs. monster stuff here with Ryback slamming Kane down and clotheslining him out to the floor. Kane comes back with an uppercut, only to be thrown into the barricade as we take a break. Back with Ryback holding Kane in a front facelock before hitting a Thesz press on the big red machine. Kane comes back with some clotheslines in the corner but walks into a spinebuster. A suplex blocks the Shell Shock but the top rope clothesline is broken up twice. Ryback pulls Kane off the top and into the Shell Shock for the pin at 8:42.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here as Kane barely ever got anything going. This was a step above a squash, but that’s exactly what Kane is perfect for. Kane can lose this same match thirty weeks a year and he’s still going to be at the same level. Those kind of guys are so valuable to WWE and they’re so hard to get your hands on. Kane and Jericho are certainly up there and they’re very big assets for WWE.

Post match here comes Shield but Bryan comes out to even the odds. Ryback bails so here’s Cena to make it 3-2. Ryback comes back in with a chair but blasts Cena in the ribs with it and lays him out to end the show. He never touched Shield but it didn’t come off like a conspiracy.

Overall Rating: C-. This was a pretty good show….until the Lesnar segment. That segment not only ticked me off, but it dragged this show WAY down. He destroyed the office and nothing more. Why is that supposed to make me want to watch these two fight on PPV or make me care about their match whatsoever? That story dominated the entire show and I can’t think of a single person who is dying to see them fight AGAIN. They’ve been feuding for a year now and odds are it still doesn’t end inside the cage. That’s all Lesnar has done for an entire year now and it’s such a waste of his time and talents.

As for the good stuff…..pretty much everything else. Well not the Ryback/Cena stuff which is showing how far Ryback has fallen since August and is clearly just a filler feud until Shield goes after the world title. Other than that though…..and the midcard champions both jobbing…..I was liking the show. Sheamus vs. Henry is a well done feud, the triple threat is at least getting some decent matches, Cesaro looks dominant again but he gets to lose to Orton on Wednesday…..dang maybe this show wasn’t all that great. The HHH vs. Lesnar stuff is just dreadful though.

Results

Randy Orton b. Damien Sandow – RKO

R-Truth b. Fandango via countout

Alberto Del Rio b. Dolph Ziggler via DQ when Jack Swagger interfered

Shield b. Kofi Kingston/Usos – Falling Bulldog to Kingston

Antonio Cesaro b. Zack Ryder – Neutralizer

Kaitlyn/Funkadactyls b. AJ/Bella Twins – Spear to AJ

Sheamus b. Wade Barrett – Brogue Kick

Ryback b. Kane – Shell Shock

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

 

David Von Erich Memorial Parade of Champions
Date: May 6, 1984
Location: Texas Stadium, Irving, Texas
Attendance: 32,123
Commentator: Marc Lawrence

So back in 1984, David Von Erich was allegedly the next in line to become NWA World Champion. Then he died. He had gone on a tour of Japan and complained of a stomach ache and he never woke up that night. According to the official results it was a heart attack but a lot of wrestlers say it was a drug overdose and Bruiser Brody allegedly flushed the drugs down a toilet. Anyway, this is a big memorial show for him and his brother Kerry has a world title shot against Flair. Gee, I wonder what’s going to happen. Let’s get to it.

I think this is a hacked up home video version, so things are going to be all over the place and probably clipped a lot.

Also I’ve gotten two different attendance totals and this is the smaller one, but the look of the show would imply it’s more correct than the one I saw that said over 50,000.

Chick Donovan vs. Butch Reed

Reed is a total monster here. Donovan is a surfer character and is built as well. They exchange shoves and Donovan takes him down. It’s so strange to think that this is almost a year before Wrestlemania as things look like they could be from the late 90s. I think we’re clipped a bit as Donovan grabs the leg but I’m not sure. They fight over a top wristlock and Reed takes over. Donovan gets thrown to the floor and the camera jumps around a lot. I think it’s more odd camera work than clipping. Donovan looks to Hulk Up on the floor and comes back in but gets his head kicked off. A gorilla press drop and a shoulder block end this.

Rating: D+. Not much here but I’m really impressed by the production values here. Maybe it’s that I’m so used to everything from the 80s being dark until the very end, but this is a really bright and good looking show. Reed would go on to the NWA and then the WWF later in the 80s and then become half of Doom. Donovan became an announcer I think.

Great Kabuki vs. Kamala

Kabuki is a guy that was far more famous in territories and Japan than in America. His biggest contribution: he introduced Asian Mist to pro wrestling. Kamala I’m sure you’re all familiar with. This is Gart Hart vs. Skandor Akbar in the managing aspect, who are both guys you should know as they’re awesome. Hart (not related to Stu) towers over Kabuki. Kabuki does a nunchuck demonstration before the match.

They stall forever before the match and Kabuki spits Mist. Now they stall even more. We’re at about a minute so far with no contact. Kamala finally gets things going by chopping away. Kabuki kicks a lot as is his custom. The fans have no idea who to cheer for it seems. A test of strength doesn’t happen as Kamala grabs a bearhug instead.

Now it’s a choke which Kamala shifts to a pectoral hold. In other words, he’s grabbing the chest. The managers are about to fight again. Kabuki fights up…and then Kamala pulls him right back down again. A superkick puts Kamala down and Kabuki chokes some too. END THIS ALREADY!!! They chop each other a lot and Kabuki kicks him down as the managers start fighting. They both come in and it’s a double DQ.

Rating: F. I need a drink after sitting through that match. This was HORRIBLE and the ending sucked really hard. Neither guy moved faster than a turtle with a broken leg’s pace and the ending made it even worse. Just a horrible match and I have no idea who thought this was going to be a good idea.

Junkyard Dog vs. Missing Link

Dog was a HUGE star at this point. Missing Link is a crazy man. Link charges straight at him so Dog punches him a lot. A chair is brought in so Dog whacks him over the head with it and that’s all well and good I guess. Akbar is Link’s manager too. Link tries ramming Dog’s head into the buckle and that just fails. Now Link rams his own head into the buckle. They both get on all fours and ram heads which goes to Dog as well. Akbar tries to cheat and it allows Link to hit a middle rope headbutt for the pin? Akbar had the foot for the pin but another referee comes out and says what happened so Dog wins by DQ.

Rating: D-. It’s only really not a failure because Link had a cool look and I liked the insane character he had. The Dog was WAY over and it worked very well to have him here. Not a good match at all though as their styles completely clashed and the ending was even worse with neither guy looking good at all. It was pretty much a squash until the end.

American Tag Titles: Super Destroyers vs. Rock N Roll Soul

The Destroyers are guys in masks and are the champions. Rock N Roll Soul are King Parsons and Buck Zumhofe. This is the top tag title in the company. Akbar manages the champions here AGAIN. The fans are way behind the champions here. Buck and we’ll say #1 start with a crisscross. Off to Parsons and #2 and Parsons works on the arm. A dropkick puts the Destroyer down and Parsons does the JYD all fours headbutt.

Off to the other Destroyer who can’t hurt Parson’s head, just like JYD. Couldn’t they at least have another match in between there so it’s not so obvious? Off to Buck who climbs the ropes with a headlock takeover. Sunset flip gets two. We hit the five minute mark as Buck still has that headlock on. The heels make a blind tag and the other comes in with a dropkick for two.

A kneedrop gets two for I think #1. Those are their names: Super Destroyer #1 and Super Destroyer #2. They would eventually be revealed to be Bill and Scott Irwin. Parsons gets the tag and everything breaks down. Soul gets stereo sunset flips for two. Parsons gets double teamed but he hits his flying hip attack (Goldust used to use it) for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D+. This is before 1986 so the tag team formula wasn’t established yet at all. This was pretty much just so they could say something major happened here…which is pretty pointless given the main event but whatever. This was more of a regional thing than a match for the masses if that makes sense.

Six Man Tag Titles: Freebirds vs. Von Erichs

Kevin, Mike and Fritz here. The Birds are the champions and the titles are represented by a big trophy instead of belts. Mike is one of the saddest stories you’ll ever hear: He wasn’t a good wrestler in the first place and then he was injured. The injury resulted in toxic shock syndrome, which resulted in brain damage. His dad, Fritz, made him get back in the ring anyway. He committed suicide later in the 80s.

This is anything goes. Fritz is in a dress shirt and jeans. Everything breaks down quickly and chairs are thrown in. The referee says anything goes but you have to tag. Ok then. Kevin is bleeding from the big brawl. Ok so it’s officially Buddy Roberts vs. Kevin to start. Kevin beats him down and it’s a brawl in less than 10 seconds with everyone coming in. Off to Mike who goes straight for the leg.

Mike is a very small man. Hayes comes in and stomps away as the fans HATE him. A middle rope splash misses and here’s old man Fritz. Everything breaks down again and Fritz whips Hayes’ back with a belt. Kevin vs. the monster known as Terry Gordy. Gordy starts his boxing and the fans are erupting more and more every second now. If the Von Erichs win, Kerry gets Fritz’s title since Fritz is retired. I’m glad they cleared that up.

Kevin tries the Iron Claw but Gordy fights it off at the five minute mark. Hayes comes in and the fans are louder in this match than they’ve been in the whole show so far. Hayes takes off his boot to get in some shots and it’s off to Roberts. In one of the oddest moves you’ll ever seen, Roberts thrusts his hips forward so his belt buckle hits Kevin in the head. Fritz comes in and everything breaks down. Claw to Hayes and to Roberts at the same time. Hayes is busted bad. Various people are rammed into each other until Kevin comes off the top with a cross body to pin Roberts for the title.

Rating: C. This was the first decent match of the entire show. Granted a lot of that was probably due to the crowd finally being interested. This was without a doubt the feud that defines the promotion so you knew they were going to have something going on here. Not a bad match, but the rematch in July won Match of the Year from Meltzer, so check that out instead since it had Kerry so Fritz didn’t look so out of place.

Killer Khan comes in post match for the big beatdown. Kerry runs out for the save.

NWA World Title: Ric Flair vs. Kerry Von Erich

You can tell this is a long time ago as Flair is from Minneapolis still. Kerry comes out to some country song that started after the beginning of Tom Sawyer played. His robe says In Memory of David and has a yellow rose, which was David’s nickname. If Flair gets disqualified, Kerry is champion. Kerry overpowers him to start and they hit the mat at a standoff.

They go back to the mat and no one can get control again. Kerry takes over and hits a dropkick to put Flair into the corner. They fight over a top wristlock and Kerry takes over again. This is a long feeling out process to start. Kerry gets a press slam and Flair begs off, heading to the floor. Flair gets in some shots but Kerry is like not in Texas dude. Sunset flip gets two.

Kerry hooks a sleeper but Flair suplexes out of it to take over. The champ uses his regular stuff to control, including the knee drop. Kerry snaps off a dropkick which Flair doesn’t even go down from. Flair gets caught in an abdominal stretch but escapes quickly. Shoulder puts Kerry down but he grabs the Iron Claw. After escaping, Flair goes up top but is slammed down. Kerry escapes a pair of Figure Fours and grabs a backslide for the pin and the title.

Rating: D+. That’s it? I mean really, that’s it? This wasn’t even 12 minutes long. It came off more like a modern TV main event than anything else. Flair never had Kerry in anything resembling trouble, although Kerry never dominated either. To be fair though, you couldn’t have made this more obvious if you had painted a big sign saying “come see Kerry win the title”. His match with David had been built up already so this was thrown together at the last minute. The lack of hatred hurt it, but there’s only so much they could do here.

The locker room empties for the celebration. Flair says he’ll be back and Kerry says bring it. He would lose the title back to Flair in less than three weeks in Japan, and that’s ok I think as Kerry was never meant to be champion in the first place. Flair would hold it over two years after that.

Oddly enough, that’s not the last match.

Precious/Jimmy Garvin vs. Sunshine/Chris Adams

Basic feud here with Precious having Sunshine as an assistant until she treated her horribly once too often Sunshine snapped. This is the payoff for it. The guys start us off and Adams slams him down. Garvin can’t do much with him due to a lack of talent. After a brief chinlock we get a double clothesline to put both guys down. Superkick puts Garvin down and the girls come in.

They aren’t wrestlers so this is horrendous. Back to the guys and Adams takes over on a tired Garvin. Garvin hits what we would call Snake Eyes to take over. Adams is busted open but he manages to reverse a piledriver. The girls come in again and everything breaks down. Adams comes back in with a sunset flip for the pin as the girls fight to the floor.

Rating: F. Terrible all around, but to be fair the girls weren’t wrestlers. That being said, Garvin is but he couldn’t do anything of note. Adams wasn’t very famous as a wrestler but he brought the superkick into modern wrestling and trained Steve Austin, so he had to be worth something right?

Garvin and Precious run away to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. This was one of the worst shows I can remember in a long time. You had terrible matches other than about two and the rest was just missing. I get that it’s a different era, but would a clean fall have killed you in the first 30 minutes? Also the time is weird as only one match out of seven broke 10 minutes. The whole show is only a little over 70 minutes (granted that’s not counting entrances) so it came off as totally rushed. Not worth seeing, not even for the title change.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

At least in North America.  According to Meltzer, it had 750,000 North American buys, putting it slightly ahead of last year’s show.  It also made approximately $5 million more than last year.

 

WWE really is dying with Cena on top though.  No one would EVER pay to see him in the main event of Wrestlemania in a match where it was pretty obvious he was winning the title.

 

I’m rather surprised but also rather pleased with these results so far.

Monday Nitro #86
Date: May 5, 1997
Location: Jenkins Center, Lakeland, Florida
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Larry Zbyszko, Bobby Heenan

It’s another hour long show this week which was a nice change of pace last week. We’re finally getting close to the end of the build to Slamboree which has gone on way too long now. I believe Hogan is back tonight which will help a lot with the levels of interest on these shows. If nothing else the main event is better than Mongo vs. Barbarian. Let’s get to it.

We open with Flair, Piper and Greene at the announce table but there’s a banner that says “Tradition Bites! NWO 4 Life!” behind them. They freak out before they say anything and we go to the opening sequence.

Back with the three guys in the ring and there’s another paper drop like last week. Piper goes on a rant about last week and the 75% of the gate demands the NWO made. He doesn’t carry a purse so that’s fine with him. JJ comes out and says the NWO is getting 75% and Piper has to deal with it. Didn’t Piper just say it’s ok with him? JJ leaves and Flair says he’ll be ready in Charlotte. There won’t be a single pothole in the road.

Public Enemy vs. Konnan/Hugh Morrus

Public Enemy’s music started while Flair, Piper and Greene were still in the ring and Flair walked past them as they came out. Are they in a time crunch or something? Both teams bring out tables and it’s a brawl to start. They almost immediately head to the floor and Jimmy Hart is put on the table but Konnan makes a last second save. Public Enemy loads up two tables on top of each other and Grunge dives through both, but Konnan was pulled out before the collision.

After all that, it’s time for an actual match to start. Rocco hits a standing moonsault onto both guys for two but Konnan powerbombs him down. There’s a table set up in the middle of the ring but as Rock goes up to splash Konnan through it, Morrus superplexes him through Konnan through the table. Even though Rock is on top of Konnan, Morrus covers Rock for the pin.

Rating: D. I was tempted to not rate this but it was long enough. I have no idea how this wasn’t a DQ in there somewhere but even though it wasn’t, the match was still a mess with a confusing ending. I guess the idea was to fire up the crowd, or to just copy ECW, but either way it was a big mess and it didn’t make a ton of sense.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Syxx

Hall, Nash and Syxx come out in jeans. Rey is looking around and Syxx gets in a spin kick to start. The Bronco Buster is countered by a kick and the Outsiders come in. Hall gets in a shot to the back and hits the Outsiders Edge. Syxx wins with the Buzz Killer in about a minute. How bad are the referees tonight? Somehow he didn’t notice the two huge men in the ring at the same time?

JJ and Nick Patrick come out to break the hold but the NWO comes out as well. Eric tells JJ to get out of here because JJ has no power. Good grief what is the point in JJ even existing if they’re just going to flat out tell us he has no authority? Syxx yells about McMahon because that’s edgy.

Lee Marshall does his road report.

Here are Hogan and Bischoff with something to say. Hogan runs his mouth about the Wolfpac and calls out Sting but no one answers. That’s all from Hollywood at the moment.

Steven Regal vs. Meng

This is fallout from Regal trying to help Benoit from getting beaten down last week. They go at it immediately and sweet goodness are they going at it. Meng pounds Regal down in the corner but Regal fires right back with punches that stagger the monster back. Not that it matters as here’s Kevin Sullivan, who Regal goes after for the DQ. This lasted about 40 seconds but there was more action in it than most matches you’ll see on Raw in a given week.

Meng puts Regal in the Tongan Death Grip post match. Sullivan gets him to drop it and Regal starts beating on them again. The Death Grip stops him cold. Regal looked awesome here.

Video on DDP vs. Savage.

Here are Page and Kimberly. Kimberly looks great in a white dress, even though she stumbles down the ramp. Page talks about being in a lot of bar fights over the years, but none of them were as bad as the one at Spring Stampede. Kimberly refutes Savage’s statements that she loves him, but here’s Savage in the crowd. He tells Kim to stop calling him and that’s about it.

Alex Wright vs. Jeff Jarrett

Jeff immediately armdrags him down and struts before we go to some chain wrestling. A swinging neckbreaker puts Wright down and Jeff hits the running hip attack while Wright is in 619 position. Wright comes back with aggression but then stops to dance. Debra’s distraction lets Jarrett chop block Wright and the figure four ends this fast.

Time for NASCAR stuff. There’s an announcement coming in two weeks regarding WCW and NASCAR. Oh joy.

Glacier vs. Lizmark Jr.

Superkick, Lizmark is pinned, 17 seconds.

Post match James Vandenberg (James Mitchell of TNA fame), Mortis and Wrath come out for the big heel beating.

Harlem Heat vs. Lex Luger/The Giant

Apparently Luger was injured in Japan by the NWO so it’s Giant on his own. Giant says he has a partner to replace Luger though.

Diamond Dallas Page/The Giant vs. Harlem Heat

Savage pops up as Page comes out but Page steals a crutch from him. Hogan jumps Page from behind with the other crutch and Page is in trouble. The NWO comes out to beat on Page. Where is Giant? Oh he’s in the ring getting ganged up on by the NWO. Flair and Greene come out as well but get beaten down. Piper comes in once everyone else is down and is promptly beaten as well. Hogan runs his mouth to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Nitro is in a bad stage at this point as the shows aren’t really good or bad but rather just kind of there. The star power helped a lot here as this felt like stuff that actually mattered. The problem with that is it’s the same stuff we’ve seen time after time. JJ continues to mean nothing at all which would be the case for a good while to come. The NWO stuff is back to what it used to be, which is to say that it’s repetitive. Nothing of note would really change until August, and even that was just for five days. The show being an hour was a big help here though, as two hours would be too much.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

Judgment Day 2007
Date: May 20, 2007
Location: Scottrade Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Attendance: 10,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Taz, Joey Styles, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

 

This is during the time where they really didn’t know a lot about what they were doing. Cena is in the middle of his one year title reign and the main event is him vs. Khali who is undefeated at this point. Other than that the show is packed as we’re in the tri-branded shows again. We also have Team McMahon (Vince/Shane/Umaga) vs. Lashley for the ECW Title and Edge vs. Batista for the Smackdown title. Let’s get to it.

 

The video is about those three matches and how we don’t know what happens to us after we die. Ozzy Osbourne does the theme music here so I can’t complain much.

 

We have six commentators. Good freaking grief.

 

Ric Flair vs. Carlito

 

I think I vaguely remember Flair tutoring Carlito so I’d assume this is the blowoff for it. Flair chops and hammers away so hair boy hits the floor. Carlito gets a shot in to the arm to introduce some psychology. We enter into some arm work as Carlito amazes me with how lazy he got. Not in this match but in general. The fans get behind Flair of course in a wrestling town like this one.

 

Flair’s arm goes around the post as Naitch is in trouble. Carlito keeps mixing things up on the arm which is such a nice perk. It gets painfully boring to see someone use the same move over and over again. Putting an armbar on is fine but do other stuff too. More arm stuff follows as we’ve been doing for about five minutes now. Dropkick gets two.

 

Flair comes back with one arm chops but gets caught in a backdrop for two. Back to the armbar but Flair comes back with one arm. Good selling here by Flair. Backstabber doesn’t work and it’s time to go after the leg. This doesn’t take long as the Figure Four goes on and we’re done in just a few seconds.

 

Rating: B-. I rather liked this actually with Flair selling the arm well. The flaw to it was that once Flair woke up the arm didn’t really play much of a role in this as Flair does most of his stuff with one arm anyway. Still though, not bad as Flair teaches the brash young punk a lesson and wins clean. I do kind of question him winning here though but oh well.

 

We recap Shawn’s head injury which is a result of Khali chokebombing him through a table. With a concussion Shawn managed to beat Edge on Raw but Orton popped up post match to punt him, meaning his head is even worse.

 

Shawn tries to talk but gets jumped by Orton and sent into the set, messing him up again. They have a scheduled match later tonight.

 

We recap Team McMahon vs. Lashley which is fallout from Mania and Vince’s haircut. Vince won the ECW Title at Backlash, ticking off every ECW fanboy on the planet. He was still bald at this point so he has a bandana on. You can’t say they’re not pushing Lashley at this point. Basically it’s a handicap feud to make Lashley look like a monster.

 

ECW Title: Team McMahon vs. Bobby Lashley

 

It’s Umaga, Vince and Shane if you forgot. Lashley had a legit injury at Backlash so he’s rather limited in what he can do. He wouldn’t be able to take time off until July though, which was his last match for the company. The belt looks like a toy at this point. They would trade it in for the big one they finished the brand with soon. Lashley has generic rock theme 19 here.

 

Lashley cleans house to start, getting a BIG pop when he gets his hands on Vince. Almost no reaction at all for the other two. We finally get down to Shane vs. Lashley which goes badly for the boy wonder. Umaga misses a corner splash as it hits Shane, allowing a powerslam to pin Shane to give Lashley his second ECW Title in about 75 seconds.

 

And never mind as Vince says it doesn’t count as he didn’t pin Vince. Umaga beats Lashley down post match. Lashley would get it back for real next month before having to drop it due to being drafted to Raw. Then it would be put up in a mini-tournament which was supposed to be won by Benoit. I think you guys know the story there.

 

Shawn is checked out by a trainer and is told he can’t compete.

 

CM Punk vs. Elijah Burke

 

Burke is more known as the Pope now. Punk has heavily taped ribs and IT’S CLOBBERING TIME!!! Burke wanted Punk in the ECW New Breed but Punk said no, so here’s a match. Basically Elijah is just a loudmouth at this point and is overly cocky. He’s a rare example of TNA taking a guy and doing FAR better with him than WWE did. The fans are behind Punk here.

 

Nothing of note to start other than some striking and Punk throwing on a chinlock. That makes sense here as he’s trying to conserve wind due to the ribs being injured. Punk keeps firing off kicks and adds a suplex for two. British Bulldog suplex gets two and we hit the chinlock, both by Punk if that wasn’t clear. That doesn’t last long as Punk hits a springboard reverse cross body for two.

 

Burke finally gets to the ribs and Punk can’t get the knee in the corner. Punk is noving very gingerly because of the ribs. GTS can’t hit so he settles for a springboard dropkick to send Burke to the floor. This has been almost all Punk for the first 8 minutes and he adds a suicide dive to the floor to continue his advantage. Burke manages to pull him off the top in almost a powerbomb style move and it’s time to work on the bad ribs.

 

Off to the body scissors and the fans chant for JBL for absolutely no reason at all. See, in contrast to the opener with Carlito doing a bunch of different stuff to Flair’s arm, Burke is using the same body scissors the entire time. There are TONS of moves and holds to use on the ribs but he uses the same one. Big difference and it made me enjoy the Carlito stuff more.

 

Punk gets out of it and they head to the corner. Superplex by Punk has both guys in EXTREME (it’s an ECW match so you have to capitalize that word) agony. Punk is up first and starts firing off strikes. Enziguri gets two. Knee in the corner hits this time but he can’t get the bulldog. Elijah Express (double knee in the corner) misses as does the GTS and an STO gets two for Burke. Double knees his this time and Punk is caught in the Tree of Woe for a bit before the cover only gets two. Punk reverses another STO and the GTS hits for the pin. We even get a faster count as per ECW tradition.

 

Rating: B. Good match here as they had a lot of time and it paid off in the end. Burke isn’t a guy that I was ever a fan of in WWE but this was a very good outing from him. Then again being in there with him probably didn’t hurt things at all. Punk would of course become a far bigger deal than Burke in WWE but that was to be expected.

 

Edge brags about beating Undertaker and how it’s his world title, not Batista’s. Interesting that all three are more or less retired at this point.

 

Randy Orton vs. Shawn Michaels

 

Shawn has the head injury remember. Randy gets a face pop and isn’t hearing voices yet. Orton wants the forfeit win but here’s Shawn. Uh…maybe just his music. Oh there he is, barely able to stand up straight. He doesn’t do his pyro and can barely keep his eyes open. Dude, what did I tell you about chilling with the Hardys? The referee tries to talk him out of it and Shawn says ring the bell.

 

Orton drills him in the head as it rings and Shawn is in big trouble early. Oh we’re in St. Louis. That’s why he got the face pop. Elevated DDT gets two more than once. Shawn is gone and Orton keeps stomping. He sets for the RKO and Shawn just falls. He’s had no offense at all. Orton tries a super RKO but Shawn knocks him off and manages to drop an elbow somehow. He can’t even cover though so he sets for the kick. Shawn sets for it and just falls down and the referee stops it.

 

Rating: N/A. This ran about four minutes but you can’t call this a match as it wasn’t. This was an angle which was used to advance Orton. Soon he would completely dominate the upper midcard to become the mega challenger to Cena, ultimately taking the title when Cena was hurt in the fall.

 

RKO to Shawn post match draws his wife out to check on him. He leaves on a stretcher.

 

Khali yells in Hindi. He has the title belt despite not being champion. Not a good example for a cop.

 

Raw Tag Titles: Hardys vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

 

No longer the Hardy Boys I guess. To give the Smackdown guys something to do they’re calling it. No real reason for this other than face tag team vs. heel tag team. Matt vs. Cade to start us off. Technical stuff so far as Matt takes over for the most part. Apparently Matt is a Smackdown guy despite being a Raw champion. Cade tries a wristlock and Matt BLASTS him with a forearm to counter. That looked great and sounded even better.

 

Off to Jeff to a BIG pop. Murdoch comes in also and there isn’t exactly a pop but maybe it’s implied? You can tell they’re in a long form match here as the faces have an extended control period to start. Matt gets a double axe off the middle rope for two. Cade comes in and takes over with Murdoch helping also.

 

And never mind as Jeff comes in for another pop. Slingshot dropkick gets two in the corner on Murdoch. Cade tries to leave and that gets us nowhere. Back to Jeff vs. Murdoch again and Jeff tries a front flip over the ropes. Murdoch steps to the side and Jeff CRASHES with a loud thud. Cade takes over again as Jeff sells like the master that he is. I mean at Victory Road he even managed to sell that he was a competent professional.

 

Off to the chinlock and Jeff gets beaten up even more. This is more of an extended Raw match which isn’t a bad thing here but just a bit different. Canadian Destroyer/Sunset Bomb by Murdoch gets two as Matt saves. Double tag and it’s off to Cade vs. Matt. After most of the house is cleaned, Cade takes Matt down for a bit. I guess he didn’t get to dust the top shelves. Not that it matters as the Twist of Fate and Swanton keep the belts in North Carolina.

 

Rating: B-. Not a terrible match here at all as you had an extended Raw match but the fans were certainly into it. Extended Raw matches are fine like here as you had two pretty good teams and therefore you got a good match out of it. What more can you really ask for here anyway? The country boys would get the titles in about two weeks.

 

They shake hands post match. Odd indeed.

 

Edge has a video for us, which is about him stealing the world title from the injured Undertaker after stealing MITB from the injured Kennedy. This was a big part of the Ultimate Opportunist thing. This is your hype video for Batista vs. Edge in case you weren’t clear on that.

 

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Batista

 

Edge got the title from Taker 9 days before this. Oddly enough he comes out first here. Batista has a bandaged leg from….I think a match with Taker who he was feuding with for a long time. The idea here is Edge did in three seconds what Taker couldn’t do in two months. The thing is it was just after a cage match with Batista and Henry coming out for a beatdown.

 

Edge backs off a lot to start. All Big Dave as he sends Edge to the floor but he gets his knee slammed into the steps and the Canadian takes over. Back in Batista goes shoulder first into the post as the psychology shifts a bit. A long armbar is actually countered by an arm drag and Batista gets him into the corner for the shoulders. Clothesline puts both guys down.

 

Powerslam gets two for Batista. Boss Man Slam (why does no one piuck that up as a finisher? Barrett uses it as a regular move but it’s a great finisher for a power guy) gets two as does an Edge-O-Matic for the champ. Edge sets for a spear but Batista gets a BIT one instead for two. Another powerslam and it’s Batista Bomb time. Edge counters but gets caught in a spinebuster. It hurts the knee though and Edge grabs a rollup for the pin to retain.

 

Rating: C. The ending isn’t a cop out as it seems. This was more about Edge getting dominated in the end but catching Batista in one error to retain, playing up the opportunist aspect of him. Anyway, not much of a match here as it felt like a SNME match, which is ok but it gets a bit dull at times. Edge would get hurt in like two months and Khali would get the title in a battle royal.

 

The Divas are asked who wins in Cena vs. Khali. Jillian thinks Khali is hot. Maria picks Batista. This is totally pointless.

 

US Title: Chris Benoit vs. MVP

 

MVP is challenging here and it’s 2/3 falls. They had a decent match at Mania and this is the rematch. Amazing to think this was two months before the Benoit stuff happened. This is the third match in their series. Apparently Benoit has a bad leg which is a running theme tonight. They feel each other out for a good while as Cole isn’t sure if DQs or countouts count.

 

All Benoit to start but he can’t get the Crossface. MVP grabs a headlock which gets him nowhere at all. Benoit hammers away and they hit the mat. The idea here was that in the first match Benoit completely outwrestled him then at Backlash Benoit had more trouble with him and now he’s having real trouble with him. MVP works on the leg for a good while.

 

Rolling Germans time but the knee gives out on the final one. Crossface goes on but he manages to get to the rope. Back to the knee but a big boot in the corner misses. Sharpshooter goes on but that doesn’t work either. Good stuff here for the most part but the whole work on a limb thing is getting a bit repetitive tonight. MVP tries to climb the ropes and Benoit gets him in an electric chair, but the knee goes out and the Playmaker gives MVP the first fall.

 

There’s a rest period and Benoit stretches his leg a bit. The knee is falling apart and MVP attacks it every chance he gets. Even on a cover MVP twists the leg around in a very nice touch. Leg lock goes on which becomes a Brock Lock and Chris is in trouble. Playmaker doesn’t work a second time as Benoit gets a SWEET counter into the Crossface but he can’t lock it in due to a shot to the knee. A big boot to the knee allows MVP to roll him up to win the title in two straight falls. He would hold it nearly a year.

 

Rating: C+. The knee work was good here but at the same time it got a bit annoying having this in about the fourth or fifth match tonight. Benoit would head to ECW rather soon and I think you know how that ended. Pretty decent match here though as MVP used the previous two matches to get the win here, which is psychology which is the best thing you can ask for.

 

We recap Cena vs. Khali. Someone laid out Shawn, Edge and Orton in one night to send a message to Cena so he called them out at the end of the night. It was Khali who then beat the tar out of him. Cena managed to get him in the FU position but Khali countered and hit the Chokebomb. The idea is Cena is the underdog here despite being champion. Khali beat Shawn clean to officially become #1 contender.

 

Raw World Title: Great Khali vs. John Cena

 

JR: “Cena has to compete tonight like Khali hit Cena’s mama with a 2×4.” WHERE DOES HE COME UP WITH THIS STUFF??? I mean was that something that was a common occurrence in Oklahoma? Is he drawing on personal experience? Could Khali speed it up a bit so that I can stop overreacting already? Khali is undefeated at this point.

 

Staredown to start and Cena pounds away but it gets him chopped in the head. Clothesline and a right hand sends him to the floor. Khali sends him to the steps and back in the ring puts his foot on the chest for two. Slam and a leg drop (BROTHER) get two. This is all Khali if that wasn’t clear. Cena tries to move a bit and gets the Throwback for two.

 

Back up and Cena hits the ropes but KHALI HITS A SPIN KICK!!! WHERE IN THE WORLD DID THAT GO AFTER THIS MATCH????? I almost rewound the tape to see if I really saw that but it was there. Out to the floor now and Cena is rammed into the table a few times. Off to a nerve hold which doesn’t last long because it’s just a nerve hold. A pair of shoulders is enough to tie Khali in the ropes for a bit. Cena charges instead of standing there but Khali gets out and hits a big boot to take him down.

 

Cena blocks the knockout chop but gets sent to the floor. Khali comes after him but Cena finally wakes up and dropkicks the steps into the knees. Top rope Fameasser and Khali is in trouble. STFU goes on and this is all or nothing for Cena. Khali finally taps but his foot was under the rope which is what set up the rematch the next month in a falls count anywhere match.

 

Rating: C. There was only so much they could do here and for the most part it worked I think. Khali didn’t have to do much out there which is ok also as his size makes up for it. They kept this should (a little over 8 minutes) and that was the best thing they could have done. They weren’t going to get a great match here no matter what but all things considered, this was about as good as they were going to get, especially since it never got totally unrealistic for Cena to come back.

 

Overall Rating: C+. This was definitely a B level show but it worked pretty well. There isn’t a bad match on the card and while the ratings for each were all pretty good, there’s absolutely nothing worth going out of your way to see. This is a show that you could easily skip and you would have been fine, which is why having another show in two weeks was a stupid idea. Not bad, but definitely not worth seeing.

This past Thursday’s show saw the worst audience of the year.  The numbers have been going down since Bully won the title but are falling even faster now that it’s all about Sting and Hogan.

 

Imagine that: people don’t care about Bubba Ray Dudley vs. two old guys in the year 2013.  I for one am shocked.

Smackdown
Date: May 3, 2013
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole, Josh Matthews

We’re back stateside for Smackdown now with a main event of Ambrose vs. Kane. I’m liking the idea of the Shield having some singles matches as it’s the next logical step for the group at this point. You can only have so many three man combinations they can fight before the idea gets stale. Also we’re likely to get more on the triple threat title match at Extreme Rules. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the end of Raw with Shield pinning Cena after Ryback walked out on Cena earlier in the night.

Here’s Ryback to open the show. He says he couldn’t tag with Cena on Raw because he knew Cena was hurt. Ryback isn’t Cena’s keeper and it was Cena that lost the match against the Shield. After the match, Cena was hobbling around and in the law of the jungle, the bigger animals like Ryback always eat the smaller ones.

Ryback vs. Daniel Bryan

Bryan fires off some quick kicks to start but gets caught in the corner. Daniel goes back to the kicks to the legs but gets caught in the corner again. A powerslam puts Bryan down but Ryback spends too much time celebrating and gets kicked in the leg some more. Now Bryan is sent to the floor but he suckers Ryback down, allowing Daniel to hit the suicide dive. Back in and Ryback pounds Bryan into the corner but Daniel fires off even more kicks to the leg.

Ryback finally catches a kick coming in and shoves Bryan down. He loads up a suplex but Bryan drives knees upside down onto Ryback’s head to escape. Ryback will have none of that and throws Bryan to the floor as we take a break. Back with Ryback steadily pounding Bryan down, including blocking a sunset flip and slamming Bryan’s head into the mat over and over.

Bryan fires off about his seventh set of kicks to the leg before countering a Thesz Press into a half crab on the weakened leg. Ryback kicks away so Bryan goes with even more kicks to the leg to keep Ryback in trouble. A pair of running dropkicks in the corner stagger Ryback and a missile dropkick takes him down for two. The crowd is getting way into this.

Bryan tries another kick but gets caught in a powerbomb position, only to catch Ryback in a rana out to the floor. Ryback catches Bryan diving at him through and sends him spine first into the post. Back in and Ryback plants him down with a slam followed by the Meathook. Bryan gets Shell Shocked down for the pin at 9:39 shown of 13:09.

Rating: B-. This is what Ryback is perfect for: marching through people after being in some trouble. It makes him look like a monster again and was a completely clean pin. Bryan threw everything he had at him and just couldn’t stop him. That’s the kind of stuff you need from a monster and Ryback looked good in the process.

We look at the triple threat from Monday and Del Rio announcing the triple threat at the PPV to be a ladder match.

Ricardo Rodriguez says a lot of stuff in Spanish very quickly until Del Rio comes up to say calm down.

Fandango vs. Zach Ryder

Ryder takes him down with an armdrag for two but Fandango kicks him in the head to take over. Fandango ties him up in the ropes and fires off some hard forearms to the back of Ryder’s head for two. Ryder gets up a pair of knees in the corner and hits the middle rope missile dropkick for two. The Broski Boot connects for another near fall but the Rough Ryder is countered into a hot shot. Fandango’s guillotine legdrop ends Ryder at 2:20.

Kaitlyn is in the back with a bouquet of roses and has gotten a love text. Natalya and Khali tell her to relax like Khali does.

We recap the Make-A-Wish stuff with Cena from Raw.

Zeb Colter tells “Rhonda” Young that he was sick on Monday when he lost in the triple threat match. Also, Ricardo Rodriguez stole from him on Monday so tonight they have a rematch.

Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Zeb Colter

Ziggler and AJ are on commentary with Langston next to them. In other words, all seven people are here. Colter slaps him to start so Ricardo grabs his beard. Zeb goes to the mat on all fours so Ricardo rides him like a horse for a bit. Colter comes back with some right hands but Ricardo sends him into the corner. Thankfully this boring match is ended with Swagger running in to take out Ricardo for the DQ at 1:50.

Del Rio knocks Swagger to the floor and here’s Teddy to make it a tag match.

Alberto Del Rio/Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Zeb Colter/Jack Swagger

This is joined in progress after the break with Swagger working over Ricardo. The tag brings in Del Rio for the tilt-a-whirl backbreaker and Codebreaker onto the arm but Swagger blocks the armbreaker. Not that it matters as Ziggler and Langston run in for the DQ at 1:50.

Now Teddy makes it a triple threat tag match.

Alberto Del Rio/Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Zeb Colter/Jack Swagger vs. Big E. Langston/Dolph Ziggler

Del Rio and Swagger start things off with Alberto dropping him down with a clothesline and tagging in Ricardo. After Rodriguez does little of note it’s back to Del Rio who walks into a dropkick from Ziggler. Off to Langston as our brilliant commentators talk about how Del Rio and Swagger are favored in the ladder match because they’ve both won MITB before. As their short term memory failure melts my brain, Langston runs over Del Rio in the corner and it’s back to the world champion.

Del Rio launches Ziggler into the air and lets him crash down to the mat. He’s too spent to follow up though and Dolph takes him down with a neckbreaker. Back to Langston for more of his power, including ramming Del Rio into the corner. Ziggy misses a splash though and Del Rio gets the hot tag. House is cleaned and it’s Colter left all alone with Alberto. Ziggler makes the save for Colter for no apparent reason and DDTs Alberto for two. Langston runs over Ricardo but gets powerslammed down by Swagger. Alberto enziguris Swagger to the floor and gets rolled up by Swagger for two. The cross armbreaker makes Dolph tap at 4:50.

Rating: D+. Well this was worthless, but at least we got the world champion to lose again! I mean, Heaven forbid he gets to keep the momentum he gained on Monday or something stupid like that. This 50/50/50 booking is doing nothing for anyone as the winner of the triple threat is only going to decide who didn’t lose last, which doesn’t make for much of a champion.

We hear someone getting beaten up off camera followed by Shield popping up. They say they took out Undertaker and after tonight, Kane will believe in the Shield. The camera pans down to show that it was Bryan who was attacked.

Video on HHH accepting Lesnar’s challenge.

Bryan gets looked at in the back.

Randy Orton vs. Damien Sandow

Orton hits a quick shot to the jaw and Sandow is frustrated early. A shoulder block puts Sandow down but he comes back with a knee to the ribs and a knee drop for two. Randy easily fights out of a chinlock (is there a bigger expert on that hold than Orton?) and there’s the powerslam on Damien. The Elevated DDT is broken up with a backdrop to the apron and Sandow guillotines him onto the top rope.

We take a break and come back with Orton suplexing his way out of a headlock. A short DDT gets a delayed two count for Sandow as JBL says Sandow has been in his element these last few months. Is there another modern Genius running around that I’ve been missing? Wind-Up elbow gets two but Orton fires off some headbutts to escape. A dropkick puts Sandow down as does a backdrop, followed by the Elevated DDT. RKO ends this at 5:05 shown of 8:35.

Rating: C. This is another match that we’ve seen over and over again with nothing much coming from it. It’s like everyone has a designated opponent anymore and the winners and losers never change at all. Nothing of note to see here but it was a glorified squash for Orton. When is the last time Sandow won a match anyway?

Post match here’s Big Show to tell Orton that he’s awesome in singles matches, but he’s terrible in a team. When Orton is in a team it’s all about him. At Wrestlemania, if Show had gotten the tag, they might have won and Orton wouldn’t have been knocked out. Sandow uses the distraction to hit the Terminus. Big Show laughs a lot and says that’s nothing compared to what he’ll do to Orton at Extreme Rules. I think that was a challenge.

Kane walks out of the trainer’s room and says he’ll make the Shield pay for what they did to Daniel and Undertaker. He knows he’s going to get beaten up tonight but he’s taking down as many of them as he can with him.

The Raw Rebound is the same thing that opened the show: the end of the six man tag and Ryback reappearing.

Now we get an arm wrestling contest between Sheamus and Mark Henry. On the way to the ring, Cole and JBL drop the names of famous arm wrestlers that no one will remember in a few seconds. Henry of course dominates but Sheamus wants to try it left handed. After a lot of goading, Henry finally agree. The fans chant for Henry as they’re getting ready. As he’s about to lose, Sheamus punches him in the face and lays Henry out with the Brogue Kick. The fans did seem to like the kick.

We get a clip of Shield taking out Undertaker last week.

Video on the European tour.

Kane vs. Dean Ambrose

Reigns has Bryan’s tag title belt. Kane swings his belt to chase the Shield off and throws Reigns over the announce table and Rollins into the crowd. Now we head inside for the actual match and Kane pounds Ambrose down into the corner. They head to the floor where Ambrose is dropped throat first onto the barricade and kicked in the side of the head before they head back in. A running elbow puts Dean down and Kane throws him to the floor again as we take a break.

Back with Ambrose working on Kane’s leg as momentum has shifted. Ambrose snaps the leg down and bends it around the rope. Dean says this is justice as he works over the leg. Rollins and Reigns are back up and talking trash of their own as Ambrose hits a running clothesline in the corner. The bad leg is wrapped around the post but the referee makes Dean let him go.

Back in and Kane fires back before hitting the side slam for two. The top rope clothesline puts Ambrose down and Kane is smiling evily. Ambrose escapes the chokeslam but Kane escapes the DDT. A chokeslam puts Ambrose down but Kane doesn’t cover. Instead we get a throat slit and it’s time for a Tombstone but Kane has to kick Rollins off the apron. They head to the floor and Kane sends Reigns into the steps. Back in and Dean takes the leg out before hitting a falling forward bulldog for the pin at 7:03 shown of 10:33. I really hope that isn’t his finishing move.

Rating: C. This was fine. Kane knew he was in over his head but he gave it everything he had which is the right idea for a match like this. A win over Kane is still worth a little something and the win for the titles will be worth even more at Extreme Rules. I’d prefer they went after the world title instead of the tag titles but I guess any gold is better than none.

Post match Kane tells all of the Shield to come get him and it goes exactly as you would expect it to go. The TripleBomb ends the show and Shield takes both title belts.

Overall Rating: D+. Let’s look at this: similar matches, similar story development, almost nothing new at all. This was a supplement to Raw and that’s exactly what Smackdown doesn’t need to be. Last week was FAR better with good matches and some fun stuf. This was basically there to further what we got on Raw while adding nothing new. That’s not an interesting show and could have been accomplished with a series of video packages, making this show pretty much worthless.

Results

Ryback b. Daniel Bryan – Shell Shock

Fandango b. Zack Ryder – Guillotine Legdrop

Ricardo Rodriguez b. Zeb Colter via DQ when Jack Swagger interfered

Alberto Del Rio/Ricardo Rodriguez b. Zeb Colter/Jack Swagger via DQ when Dolph Ziggler and Big E. Langston interfered

Alberto Del Rio/Ricardo Rodriguez b. Zeb Colter/Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler/Big E. Langston – Cross armbreaker to Ziggler

Randy Orton b. Damien Sandow – RKO

Dean Ambrose b. Kane – Falling bulldog

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

Wrestlepalooza 1998
Date: May 3, 1998
Location: Cobb County Civic Center, Marietta, Georgia
Attendance: 3,401
Commentator: Joey Styles

It’s been two months since Living Dangerously and not a lot has changed. It’s still Snow vs. Douglas as Snow’s insane rise in popularity continues. Candido and Storm are still champions that hate each other and are defending the belts tonight in a storyline that NO ONE has ever seen before. Van Dam has begun his two year long reign with the title and has his first big defense tonight: he’s fighting Sabu. Oh this could hurt a lot. Let’s get to this as the card looks somewhere between bad and ok.

We do the intro video before the show introduction this time which I like a lot better. The other way just takes me out of the show for some reason. It usually feels like they forgot to do the show opening or something and then went back to it.

F.B.I. vs. BWO

Suddenly I want some alphabet soup. It’s Tracy Smothers and Guido vs. Super Nova and Blue Meanie. The BWO itself is actually over and dead but they both wear blue and team together still so there we are. I want to hit Tommy Rich. The guy is just freaking annoying. He gets a huge SCREW YOU chant directed at him so at least Georgia fans are intelligent. Nova and Guido, the two talented guys, start us out.

Nova is a superhero by the way. Meanie is just a fat guy that has nothing else going for him. Nova is well known for having a very unorthodox offense and it’s on display here. Meanie comes in and Rich says we need to have a dance contest. And the referee dances too. THANKFULLY Smothers jumps Meanie to end this mindlessness. And the referee slams both heels to get two on Smothers. What the heck am I watching???

Finally we get something sensible as Smothers hits a nice bicycle kick to Nova’s head. Meanie can’t even get into the ring correctly. This is what critics mean when they say this company was a joke. When you’re that sloppy, you have no business being in a ring on a major show at all. Meanie misses the moonsault, which is just about the only move Meanie could do without injuring someone else. Nova hits a downward spiral for the pin. And the faces do the YMCA afterwards. My head hurts again.

Rating: D+. It wasn’t bad, but for the most part it was an unfunny comedy match. Nova was cool, but other than that there was just noting at all that stood out here for me. Meanie was just a fat load that never did anything of note outside of ECW (Bluedust was nothing of note and yes I know he was in WWF for awhile) and the FBI were always annoying to me. It’s not bad but it’s nothing to write home about, or better yet it’s nothing to review. Wait what?

We recap Justin Credible vs. Mikey Whipwreck. This feud is STILL going? This was just a way to get Justin over which completely failed as there was one simple problem: Justin wasn’t any good. Paul kept trying to tell us he was but it simply wasn’t there. Justin got pushed until the company folded and was getting said push over guys like RVD. That should explain a lot to you.

Justin Credible vs. Mikey Whipwreck

So Mikey’s destroyed knee is all of a sudden fine. Good to know. He gets some good punches in and we’re on the floor already. They throw Justin into the crowd and he more or less crushes a fan. I get that this is a different kind of company, but dude, don’t half crush your fans. Justin shoves Mikey off the apron so that he crashes into the guard rail. We have our first chair of the evening and Mikey takes a SICK bump into it.

That looked like it would have nearly killed him but of course he’s fine. The fans chant Aldo at Justin. He was Aldo Montoya in WWF in case you didn’t know that. If nothing else he gets a nice counter to the Whippersnapper (Stunner, which Mikey used way before Austin) by just hooking him in a reverse DDT. It was very nice indeed. These fans are really annoying.

I get that they’re a major aspect of ECW, but to fans like me who aren’t huge fans and are the audience that ECW needed to grab in order to stay in business, they’re very annoying indeed. Justin gets suplexed through a table which of course is impressive even though we see it about five times a show.

And now it’s just about the chair and nothing else. It’s just big spot, two count, chair spot, two count, big spot, two count over and over again. Chastity, the valet of Credible, takes a BAD Whippersnapper off the top. And Justin gets the tombstone out of nowhere onto the chair for the pin. I hated that ending.

Rating: D+. So in other words, Justin lost twice in a row but he gets a more or less fluke win here and he wins the feud. ECW and most other wrestling companies have a major problem with this and it drives me insane. Just because you win the last match in a feud doesn’t mean you win the feud. Take Dreamer vs. Raven for example: Dreamer “won” the feud, but he lost probably 100 times and got one victory. How does that make him the winner?

As for this match, the ending was just big spot after big spot and then Justin got the tombstone for the random pin. That’s supposed to make sense I guess. Justin, who is supposed to be the best wrestler in the world according to Heyman, did nothing other than a throw into the guard rail all match but hits one big move to win the thing. That’s GREAT wrestling indeed Paul.

Rotten and Mahoney want their shot at the titles. They demand a shot and just get one. Ok then.

ECW Tag Titles: Hardcore Chair Swinging Freaks vs. Chris Candido/Lance Storm

They still hate each other and even though they don’t get along and fight each other, they manage to beat every team in the company as they do it. Don’t you just love Heyman’s brilliance? Mind you the challengers were in the arena to make their challenge yet the champions are here first. In a funny spot, they argue over who gets top billing. Oh I get it now: the champions came to the ring and were introduced before they actually accepted the challenge. Is Heyman even thinking?

The Freaks are Axl Rotten and Balls Mahoney in case you were wondering. To my surprise we start with a wrestling sequence. Something tells me this isn’t going to last long. Good night Balls Mahoney is worthless. Rotten is trying to wrestle which works ok but it’s hard to take a guy who wrestles for a team called the Hardcore Chair Swingin Freaks seriously. They do a standard tag match here and it’s really not that bad. I’m very surprised. Rotten throws chops and the fans WOO.

They start a BRING IN FLAIR chant and my head begins to hurt. First off, just no. Second off, isn’t that exactly what ECW is supposed to be against? Third of all, I love how they just assume Heyman can afford that. The fans were stupid at times and were dragged around by Heyman by their noses. It’s really pathetic at times. Sunny shows up and the champions fight over Storm saving her. “Hey! You keep your hands off my fiancé! If she dies who cares??? YOU JUST STAY AWAY!”

And now we get to the flat out stupid part of the match. Balls hits his finisher. There’s no one around. They should win the titles. He goes to get a chair. That’s almost understandable I guess. Now let’s have the stupid part. He turns around with the chair in his hand and Storm jumps up with a springboard to come at Mahoney.

What does he do you ask? Does he throw the chair at Storm? Does he, oh I don’t know, MOVE? Nope. He puts the chair in front of his face so Storm can kick it into Balls’ head. That was just pathetic looking. On and Candido hits Storm with the chair so he can get the pin and they fight back to the locker room. This has NEVER been done before!

Rating: C+. Other than the freaking idiotic stuff at the end, this was ok. The key thing: for the most part they kept things toned down and had a wrestling match. Since Barely Legal they’ve toned the violence down a good bit and it’s been helping a lot. This was ok and would have been a lot better had the ending not sucked as much.

Ad for the merchandise catalogue and Heat Wave 98. That one’s coming soon.

We have a “Legends” ceremony from earlier. It’s Junkyard Dog, Dick Slater, Masked Superstar (Ax from Demolition) and Bullet Bob Armstrong. You know, a bunch of old NWA guys, because ECW and the NWA got along SO well. This was a nice idea, but when you look at it this was just stupid.

Shane Douglas, who is apparently held together with tape at this point, is brought out to be told about how tough he is. So despite all these injuries, it’s fairly obvious he’ll win tonight. We’ll get to the pure idiocy of this later. He runs down the WWF and Shawn, who had just left with the broken back that kept him out for four and a half years. Oh and he runs Flair down too. If Shane drew in the entire run of ECW what Flair or Shawn drew in a single year, I’d be stunned.

This is just Shane saying how great he is and how tough he is and how tonight might be his last match. Taz comes out to tease their showdown. Nope, we’ve still got another 8 months before that because the top face vs. the top heel isn’t a match we can have when the fans are begging for it of course. We get what might be the first F Bomb on an ECW PPV. Taz demands the Title be handed to him instead of you know, winning it.

Taz does a weird looking choke out that wasn’t the Tazmission and security breaks it up. Like I said, this match wouldn’t happen for EIGHT MONTHS. What they were waiting on is beyond me. Bigelow comes out to fight Taz and that’s broken up too. They handcuff Taz and arrest him for no logical reason as Shane is spitting up blood. I love how Shane runs down Shawn but he’s going to do the same thing: make this big come from behind win over Snow which makes NO sense but they did it anyway so Shane can look awesome all over again.

Oh dang it we have a New Jack match now.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. New Jack

SCREW THIS FREAKING SONG!!! Seriously, who thought this was a good idea? New Jack is going to get destroyed other than some weapons shots because the guy can’t wrestle a freaking match to save his life but hey, let’s play his blasted song while he’s getting killed. Yep, 30 seconds in and we have weapons. Why is this appealing at all? It’s just mindless violence that has no business being called wrestling.

Bigelow is better than this on so many levels and it’s not even funny. We’re in the crowd now as that song is still playing. Bigelow just throws chairs at him as this is supposed to be entertaining. I get that some fans want this, but it makes the whole company look amateurish as a result. If this was still a regional promotion, this would be just fine. But it’s not a regional company anymore.

They wanted to go national but they can’t let go of the hardcore nonsense and it’s really hurting the product quite a bit. This is going to get at least ten minutes of about three hours. And New Jack jumps off a balcony with a guitar shot to Bigelow’s head. So even though that should likely kill both of them, the fans cheer.

And now let’s just lay around for awhile because that’s a great use of PPV time. Ok to be fair almost all wrestling companies do the laying around thing. Bigelow hits the Greetings From Asbury Park which doesn’t connect at all but whatever. At least it’s over.

Rating: F. I get why it’s here, but it still sucked and was completely worthless. At least we get Welcome to the Jungle. I hate these matches or whatever they are.

We see Dreamer and Sandman getting beaten up by the Dudleys set to a ballad of all things. That was odd.

Dudley Boys vs. Tommy Dreamer/Sandman

Sandman cuts off the always funny Gertner entrance but the song makes up for it a bit. Beaulah is about as close to perfect as you can get. This is another “grudge” match where the grudge was developed between PPVs with no explanation as to what started it or any useless information like that. I get that Sandman’s entrance is cool, but they need to cut a minute or two out of it as it just goes on forever. Yep this is going to be a massive brawl because it’s been a full 4 minutes since we saw one of those.

And there’s the first table and my eyes roll immediately. This of course devolves into a massive brawl that has no semblance of anything noteworthy at all. We get some great shots of Beaulah and that’s about it. Sandman leaves because of his neck and after about five minutes of Tommy being murdered, Spike more or less replaces Sandman.

He gets a 3D for trying to save Beaulah but Sandman comes back in a neck brace. Yeah because he was able to see the doctor and the doctor released him inside of five minutes I guess. A pair of DDTs end this and the Dudleys lose.

Rating: D-. Only reason this isn’t failing is I’ve always thought Beaulah was beyond sexy. This was just ridiculous as Dreamer survived what should have killed him to come back and be fine. It was just a total mess and it wasn’t entertaining for the most part. They had no idea what to do with the Dudleys at this point.

So Sabu had a TV Title shot here tonight against Bigelow and he sent RVD, his partner, in to beat Bigelow up a bit but Van Dam wound up winning the title, leading to this. That’s actually decent.

TV Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Sabu

Something tells me we’re going to have a ton of weapons here and I base that on the fact that it’s a Sabu match. Van Dam gets on the mic after they feel each other out a bit and says this isn’t going to happen and it was a plan. Sabu of course goes after him anyway and makes the speech completely pointless. They actually go four minutes with no weapons. That has to be a record of some kind for Sabu.

We go back to the ring at about 8 minutes in for a change of pace. Oh never mind the chair is there with him. And hey we go back to the floor AGAIN. Joey talks about how brutal it is. I couldn’t agree more. In an impressive spot, Van Dam manages to crotch himself on the guard rail when there’s no guard rail underneath him. Joey: Sabu is deadly at throwing chairs. That can’t be a good sign.

Sabu of course kicks out of the Van Daminator and the Five Star because that’s perfectly reasonable. We’ve been going about half an hour now and I think I know what’s coming. I know this isn’t a lot of text for that long of a match but it’s been about 15 minutes of them just wasting time or laying around or setting up tables and chairs.

There’s been more or less nothing of note here and I’m sure some ECW fan will explain to me that I just don’t get this match and why it’s so great. I’d love one day to watch one of these shows with an ECW fan and hear them try to defend it. Sabu kicks out of the Five Star through a table. Yep that’s perfectly realistic. The move known as Starship Pain gets two and then Sabu gets two and the bell rings for the STUPID time limit draw. They yell at each other for a long time.

Rating: D. There were some interesting drama spots near the end but for the most part this match sucked. There was so much time spent laying around and ridiculous kicking out of moves that it just stopped being interesting. Most of it was on the floor and Sabu of course botched half of what he did. This was ridiculous and the third match in a row that was stupid beyond belief, and considering the obvious ending coming up, this isn’t going to be a highly received show.

We hear from Shane who reminds us that he’s VERY hurt. We get WAY too long of a recap of Shane’s career and a quick thing from Snow saying he’ll win.

ECW World Title: Al Snow vs. Shane Douglas

So Snow is more or less the hottest thing in the company’s history as everyone likes him and he’s having the best matches of his career. Shane is hurt beyond belief here so to have him win would tick off the audience and completely bury Snow more or less guarantees that Shane will keep the belt here. This starts off like a good showdown match: with both guys being in control for a good while.

This is actually decent stuff with both guys only using a chair. Snow actually kicks out of the belly to belly suplex which anywhere else would be nothing but here it’s a big deal apparently. There’s also no interference for the most part until the locker room empties to watch the match. After a Francine run in, Snow goes up top for a sunset flip which completely misses and Shane drops down for the pin.

The fans go DEAD. I mean they are as quiet as any fans ever have been in ECW history. This was just freaking stupid booking and you can tell Joey thinks so too. This would have been like Austin losing to Michaels at Mania 14.

Rating: D+. And that’s being generous. The problem was that Heyman had booked himself into a corner as he had Taz vs. Shane which he had to build to but Snow was WAY more over than both guys and should have won the title here. However, it had to be about Shane again who no one cared about other than like 8 people. Again, he held the title EIGHT more months after this, FINALLY losing it to Taz in January before leaving a little while later.

The problem was that Snow or Taz should have had the title but by the time they pulled the trigger with Taz the company was in major trouble. Snow was literally on Raw the next night and not seen in ECW again, and why should he have been? He just lost the biggest push of his career and was more or less crippled so that Shane Douglas could get another big push. And people wonder why ECW isn’t around today.

Overall Rating: F. This show was just bad as NOTHING happened here. Seriously, the TV Title match goes to a draw, Heyman’s idiocy eats Al Snow for a solid meal, the Storm/Candido feud is STILL going on and burying a team at a time, Sandman and Dreamer beat the best team in the company despite one being in a neck brace and Credible is apparently cool for beating up a comedy champion.

What was the point here? The Snow thing is just inexcusable, period. It’s stupid stuff like this that caused Heyman to be out of business and he should be considering this crap. Oh and someone PLEASE defend RVD vs. Sabu. I want you to.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

Impact Wrestling
Date: May 2, 2013
Location: Kovalchick Complex, Indiana, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Todd Keneley, Taz, Mike Tenay

It’s another taped show tonight and shockingly enough, Sting is back. Yes for probably the tenth time in his TNA history, Sting has made a big return to take up the TNA torch and save the company from whatever the latest threat is. In this case it’s the bikers of Aces and 8’s, who still are pretty lame aside from Bully Ray. Let’s get to it.

After the usual recap, here’s Hogan to open things up. He immediately calls out Sting for a face to face chat to clear the air up to this point. Hogan talks about how they almost came to blows last week, but he knows when he’s right and when he’s wrong. He’s had a lot of stuff going on lately and he made a big mistake by pushing Sting away. They should have been working together the entire time and that’s on Hogan as well.

Sting says that they’re together right now and that’s what the fans want to see. He wants another six man tag with himself and two other guys against Aces and 8’s. Hogan says sure but tonight, we need a new #1 contender for Slammiversary. This brings out Morgan who says this is where Sting is handed another title shot. Hogan says no more mistakes and no more handouts, so tonight it’s Sting vs. Morgan for the title shot.

Chris Sabin is back next.He talks about doing whatever it took to get back to the ring. That was his goal and he was going to accomplish it no matter what.

Kurt Angle has issued an open challenge to Aces and 8’s for tonight.

Chris Sabin vs. Zema Ion vs. Sonjay Dutt

The winner is in the next three way title match along with King and whoever didn’t get pinned in the last title match. Sabin has the Hail Sabin music here instead of the Motor City Machine Guns’ music. The referee camera is back for this match again. Ion gets caught in between the other two guys before being knocked out to the floor.

Dutt snaps off a quick rana on Sabin and hooks an armbar, but has to stop to knock Zema to the floor. An enziguri puts Dutt down for two for Sabin but Ion comes in with a sunset flip, sending Dutt flying via a German suplex from Sabin. With Sabin down, Ion drops Dutt onto the top rope as we’re told that Suicide will be in the next X-Division qualifying match.

We get some overly complicated three way near falls followed by a sliding dropkick to Ion’s head. A spinning DDT puts Sabin down and a running shooting star press gets two for Sonjay. Ion hits a snap DDT for two on Dutt as we see that X-Cam thing. Dutt hits a low superkick on Ion but gets powerbombed down by Sabin, but Chris picks him back up into a Death Valley Driver onto Ion for no cover. With Dutt in the Tree of Woe, Sabin throws Ion into Sonjay before hitting a scoop sitout brainbuster on Ion for the pin at 4:02.

Rating: C. These matches are already getting old. We get it: they can have three way matches with a lot of cool spots in them. Can the X guys do ANYTHING else? As in event a one on one match? No? Well of course not because why have two guys in the ring when you can have THREE? This division is dying and it’s dying in a hurry.

Robbie E and Jesse plot against Rob Terry. Their plan: get Joey Ryan to help them.

Bully yells at Aces and 8’s for Hogan and Sting mocking them earlier. Ray says he can beat either Sting or Morgan. As for tonight, it’s about Kurt Angle. Ray wants him taken out tonight and D’Lo steps up to do the deed.

Robbie E/Joey Ryan/Jesse Godderz vs. Rob Terry

Ryan gets to start and backs in to the monster. A quick backdrop puts Ryan down but Godderz pulls Rob’s trunks for a distraction. They try to triple team Terry until it’s Joey going after the big man’s knee. Off to Robbie for some shots to a downed monster followed by a sleeper. Terry stands up and backs Robbie into the corner to escape. Robbie takes him down again and it’s off to Joey but all three guys wind up coming in. Robbie shrugs all of them off and runs them all down before picking up Robbie and Jesse at the same time. The over the shoulder spinebuster ends Ryan at 3:34. Apparently it’s called the Beast Bomb.

Rating: D. We get it: Rob Terry is strong. The problem is there’s not much for him to gain by just destroying sleazy characters like these guys. The Rob vs. Robbie feud is long past dead but since the writers in TNA can’t focus on more than one story at once, we need to keep this going even longer.

Here are Aries and Roode to talk about Bad Influence trying to restart Fourtune. Roode isn’t thrilled with the idea and Aries thinks they were lying. Roode and Aries don’t like each other like Bad Influence does….and here are Daniels and Kazarian. Daniels says that Roode and Aries are right in that it’s about the titles but they’re wrong by saying they’re the best tag team in the world. Roode and Aries knows they’re just a pale imitation of Bad Influence. Roode says they’re awesome but Kaz calls Roode and Aries Bad Influence Lite.

This brings out the tag champions who says that there’s a special referee for the #1 contenders tag match next week. It’s James Storm for no apparent reason whatsoever, but it’s yet another reason he can’t move up on the card. Storm hands out beers and stands with the champion.

Sting goes in to see Angle behind closed doors.

Tara and Gail complain about Taryn Terrell. They’re in a tag match tonight apparently. Tara leaves and Gail says she’s going to make sure she gets the victory.

Sabin says it’s great to be back in the ring.

Kurt Angle vs. D’Lo Brown

Before the match, Brown says we make it an I Quit match. He jumps Angle to start but Kurt easily takes him to the mat as you would expect him to. Anderson tells the rest of the bikers to stay back as the guys head to the floor. Brown misses a hammer shot against the post but manages to pull Angle’s arm into the post. Back inside and D’Lo goes after the arm with a bunch of basic stuff.

We get a wristlock into a cross armbreaker but Angle fights up into a quickly broken ankle lock. Off to a cobra clutch on Kurt but he Hulks Up and rolls some six straight German suplexes. Brown breaks the ankle lock again and busts out a Samoan drop of all things. D’Lo loads up a powerbomb but Angle rolls through into the ankle lock for the submission at 8:02.

Rating: D+. Yeah imagine that: challenging one of the best submission wrestlers ever to a submission match WAS A REALLY BAD IDEA. At the end of the day, this was D’Lo Brown trying to be a big physical threat in the year 2013. There’s only so much you can do with something like that, which shows the problem with Aces and 8’s.

Angle says he has his mind on AJ Styles and calls him out right now. Post break and Angle is still calling out AJ and finally gets him. Angle says AJ looks like he wants to take his head off, but that’s a bad idea for Styles since we’re in Angle’s hometown. Kurt says everyone wants to recruit AJ and Styles isn’t one to take the easy way. Right now though, Angle wants to know where AJ stands. If AJ is with TNA then that’s cool, but if not then they’re going to have some problems. He wants Styles to join him and Sting against Aces and 8’s next week and leaves AJ to think about it.

We recap the opening segment which set up Morgan vs. Sting tonight.

Matt Morgan says tonight he’s taking the ball and then winning the world title.

Gail Kim/Tara vs. Taryn Terrell/Mickie James

Taryn gets double teamed to start until Mickie finally helps her out. The heels are rammed into each other before things get calmed down. Off to Mickie vs. Gail with James hooking a quick cross armbreaker, only to have Gail grab the rope. Gail pounds away for a bit by Mickie comes back with an enziguri knee to the head for two. Mickie is sent to the apron where she kicks Tara down, only to be knocked to the floor by Gail.

Back in and Mickie gets stomped down in the corner before Tara busts out a bridging Indian deathlock. Taryn comes in to break things up and it’s off to Gail for more slow paced punishment. Both Mickie and Gail try cross bodies and go down from the collision. The hot tag brings in Taryn as everything breaks down. In the mess, Terrell rolls up Tara for the pin at 6:27.

Rating: D+. The match wasn’t terrible and the girls all looked great out there, but we need to get the title on Mickie and have her turn heel so Taryn can take the belt from her already, because this whole “she’s a rookie who gets a lot of fluke wins” deal is getting old already. Nothing to see here for the most part, much like all of tonight.

Post match they keep brawling until Gail hits Eat Defeat on Taryn and puts her in the Figure Four around the post.

Ray yells at Aces and 8’s for D’Lo tapping earlier. Next week it’s the Dudleys and Anderson in the six man.

Roode and Aries say they’ll win next week.

Matt Morgan vs. Sting

The winner gets Bully Ray at Slammiversary. Morgan pounds away in the corner as Taz talks about how great he is in Aces and 8’s. Matt hits him with some hard clotheslines and right hands followed by a chokeslam for two. Back with Morgan ramming Sting into the barricade before heading back inside for some choking. Sting fights back on the floor with some shots into the barricade and steps. We head inside again but Sting walks into the side slam for two.

Morgan misses an elbow drop and gets caught by the Stinger Splash in the corner. Matt fights back with the rapid fire elbows and the Carbon Footprint….for two. Another Footprint hits the buckle and there’s the Scorpion Deathlock. Matt is in big trouble but never taps out. He finally makes the rope so Sting puts the hold right back on. Morgan blacks out from the pain to send Sting to Slammiversary at 13:07.

Rating: D+. As soon as I heard this match announced, I knew Sting was getting the title shot. Why did I know that? Because that’s what happens in TNA. No matter what your other options may be, at the end of the day it’s going to be Sting getting the title shot no matter what. People have been BEGGING to see Morgan elevated for years now, but let’s go with Sting again because he and Hogan have to cowboy up and fight the bikers, because that’s what people (and by that I mean Sting and Hogan) want to see.

Ray stares down Sting to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. What in the world happened to this show? Two months ago this was the best show on TV and now it’s a nightmare. There’s WAY too much focus on Hogan and Sting while the younger guys are stashed away in the tag title scene. The stories are going nowhere, I don’t know of anyone who is dying to see Sting get ANOTHER title shot, and the AJ drama is already getting old. TNA needs to change things around, but I have a feeling they’re going to stay locked on this path for months to come.

Results

Chris Sabin b. Zema Ion and Sonjay Dutt – Scoop Michinoku Driver

Rob Terry b. Robbie E/Jesse Godderz/Joey Ryan – Beast Bomb to Ryan

Kurt Angle b. D’Lo Brown – Ankle Lock

Sting b. Matt Morgan – Scorpion Deathlock

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at: