King of the Ring 1994
Date: June 19, 1994
Location: Baltimore Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Attendance: 12,000
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Randy Savage, Art Donovan

This is a very interesting time in the company’s history. The main thing is that Vince McMahon is either on the stand against the federal government or is about to or has just gotten off the stand. What that means is that the writers more or less booked this show on their own and Vince had next to zero input on it. That’s simply not something that happens ever. This show kind of was thrown together because everyone wanted to keep their boss out of jail.

There just happened to be a PPV to book at the same time. Also, the winner here, almost like last year, is about as obvious as possible, but since that didn’t stop us last year why should it stop us this year? For absolutely no apparent reason, the final match tonight is Piper vs. Lawler, despite there being IC Champion vs. World Champion with Bret vs. Diesel for the belt, but that’s a more or less forgotten match with zero build so let’s get to the show and see why it happened.

For those of you that have never heard of him, Art Donovan is a Hall of Fame football player that would have been about 70 at this point. In a reference that maybe 4 of you will get, if you ever watched the Adventured of Pete and Pete, he’s the old football player that was the focus of an episode about aliens. He is pushing 70 here and there is absolutely zero point to him being out there. He’s terrible in ways I’ll get to later on.

After the generic intro, we’re ready to go. How hard is it to put a little thought into one of those? It’s not exactly rocket science, but come on now people. This is getting old indeed.

Before we start, here are the brackets for this year.

Razor Ramon
Bam Bam Bigelow

I.R.S.
Mabel

Owen Hart
Tatanka

1-2-3 Kid
Jeff Jarrett

Not the best field in the world to say the least.

First Round: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Razor Ramon

Razor beat Kwang (Savio Vega) and Bigelow beat Thurman Plugg (Bob Holly. Don’t ask). Luna is actually curvy here. That’s just odd. Gorilla calls Razor the Macho Man which just makes my head hurt. Gorilla and Macho just don’t seem like the best combination for some reason. First round has a 15 minute time limit, 2nd 30 and finals are an hour. Luna distracting Razor with her very shapely figure lets Bigelow have the advantage.

Nothing wrong with having your woman give you an advantage. To you feminists that don’t like that term, she was introduced as his main squeeze. Savage offers to let Donovan hold his hand. Well ok then. Razor gets the reverse crotch on the post which is something new at the time. Donovan is just too old here, plain and simple. Savage asks if Luna will like Bam Bam still.

Gorilla asks what does that mean. Savage is just funny in his response of he’ll explain later. I will never get tired of seeing Bigelow throw that enziguri. It missed but whatever, it still looked awesome. If Luna wasn’t so freaky looking she’d be hot. We get a reference to Cal Ripken going after Gehrig’s record to date the show. They mention the KOTR being a launching pad like it was for Bret, who went on to be the world champion.

So, the fact that he was a former champion and automatically qualified because he was a former world champion had nothing to do with his future success? It was all the tournament? Is that what I’m being told? Bigelow hooks a torture rack of all things. I wonder what Luger was thinking at this point as his finisher is used by someone that likely never used it again. Not only that but he’s just standing there.

Luger bounced them up and down which if nothing else made it look a lot more painful as the person’s body was bent around Luger’s neck. Bigelow is just holding him up there and it looks really stupid. Donovan is more coherent now but he just sounds confused. “I thought he was dead! What happens now?” See what I mean? He just sounds like a confused old man, which isn’t honoring him or anything like that.

It’s just making him look stupid. Razor is WAY over. He hits a relatively easy slam which is impressive. Savage says that if Razor can hit the Edge on Bigelow that Savage will give him the Trophy of Life. That sounds like a reject from a Disney movie. Anyway, Razor counters a moonsault into more or less a rollup from the top for the pin.

Rating: C+. Run of the mill stuff here. Bigelow played a basic big strong power guy that tried to do something big and got caught. It’s a very simple formula and it worked pretty well. Razor winning was a given but they at least came up with an ending other than the Edge so points for that and Luna’s shape.

IRS and Mabel cut really bad promos about their match. IRS bumbled over his line or forgot what he was going to say or just isn’t that good as he just sounded idiotic here. Somehow, he’s better than Mabel though.

First Round: IRS vs. Mabel

Donovan wonders if IRS is one of the wrestlers. This is depressing. If nothing else, Rotunda had this gimmick down to the absolute T. Is Oscar like the grandfather of R-Truth or something? Oh blast it my video skips back a bit and I have to watch the intro twice. Gorilla shouts HO which just isn’t right at all as my childhood innocence (yes I still have some) is scarred forever.

Donovan asks for Mabel’s name. 14 seconds later he gets an answer. Oh, Mabel beat Pierre and IRS beat Scott Steiner. Wow that’s just odd indeed. Donovan says this match isn’t fair. Seriously, who thought this was a good idea? He actually gets a somewhat decent line in by saying he thought the guy in the white suit (Oscar) was there to take IRS to the hospital. Eh ok I guess that’s not bad.

He follows that up with this gem: “And you guys enjoy doing this?” He’s referring to being in the ring, but that’s never specified and it sounds like he’s saying he’s miserable doing the announcing. Again, there’s no mention of Savage having tournament experience for no apparent reason. He won the biggest tournament of all time so wouldn’t it make sense to point that out for younger viewers who aren’t sure who Savage is?

IRS goes for a slam and Mabel counters it with a small package. Yes, that’s what happened and I’m not on any medication or foreign substances other than some grape juice. Mabel starts to dominate, but he goes to the middle rope and misses an elbow. IRS grabs his leg without actually hooking it and while Mabel rolls around on the mat with his arms going up into the air, he gets the three anyway. This was just out there.

Rating: D. This was pretty bad. For one thing, IRS’ finisher is a clothesline. Mabel somehow wasn’t at his worst here as he could still move a bit, but the styles just completely contrasted here and it bombed badly. The ending sucked too as it just didn’t look right at all. It needed to be about a minute long but it was five and a half times that long so there we are.

First Round: Tatanka vs. Owen Hart

They beat Crush and Doink respectively. DANG Tatanka got a POP. Owen is the Rocket still here as Donovan wants to know what they weigh for some reason. Tatanka dominates to start using his incredibly generic offensive set. The crowd is hot if nothing else which is the only thing keeping me awake in this incredibly boring show. DAng it now three things are happening at once.

Tatanka is thrown into the post and Donovan is worried about the post of course. At the same time, we go to a split screen of IRS and Razor fighting in the back. At least they didn’t go to a solo shot of that. I would be able to give you a better description of that altercation if I wasn’t laughing at what Savage said: “I don’t know what it is but the wrestlers are stronger and faster lately.”

Remember: Vince McMahon, the owner of the company, the guy that gave Savage the chance to get over on a national level and the undisputed king of professional wrestling is on the stand against the federal government for STEROID charges. The irony of that line just made me crack up as it was so great.

We hit the sleeper and it occurs to me that despite the hold being considered one of the best moves ever to put someone out, only like 3 people that I can think of off the top of my head have ever won with it. That’s not a great track record. After not saying anything for a few minutes, Gorilla shouts out that WE ARE LIVE! Here’s Tatanka’s comeback and for some reason the crowd is still into this.

In something that amazes me, Tatanka actually uses a different move with a DDT, which wasn’t that great but I’ve seen worse. Oh and I almost forgot: this is the beginning of the New Generation which lasted all of a year or two with them constantly reminding us that this is the NEW generation despite it being the same guys we had seen for years now.

Anyway, Owen wins with a reversed sunset flip as all of a sudden Tatanka, after not being able to be beaten for two and a half years now can be beaten with a simple counter. I love the power of pushes.

Rating: D+. This was just average. It felt like a match you would see on Superstars or in the middle of Raw or at a house show. There was nothing at all special about it whatsoever and I just flat out didn’t care. It wasn’t interesting at all and it just needed to end. It wasn’t bad, but I just couldn’t have cared less.

Shawn and Diesel think Bret isn’t so great.

First Round: Jeff Jarrett vs. 1-2-3 Kid

Jarrett is the country singer here, having not been in the company only a few months here. He beat Luger of all people here. Donovan thinks he’s an Islander of all things. Are you starting to see what I’m working with here? Kid beat Adam Bomb to get here. The announcers are ignoring Donovan which is easily the smart thing to do. He doesn’t even know who the faces and heels are.

Jarrett is wearing an orange jumpsuit kind of thing that he would wear and black boots. It just doesn’t look right. Jarrett goes WAY old school and busts out the Slingshot Suplex. Naturally Kid is being destroyed here which is what always happens for the majority of his matches. Gorilla says that Jarrett has a powerhouse upper body. Randy Savage is somehow the most sensible man on commentary tonight..

He tries in vain to teach Donovan some very basic stuff. He responds by saying Jarrett is cute. What was the point of this again? Kid steals a win with a small package, which gets him three piledrivers for no apparent reason. What does the term beside yourself mean anyway? How can you be beside yourself? Wouldn’t that mean you were cloned or something like that? Kid is DEAD. He looks bad enough to be a member of the Clique. You know all of a sudden things make a lot more sense.

Rating: C-. This was kind of all over the place. Jarrett was nothing at this point and the Kid was an underdog that no one believed in, making the dynamics of this match just odd. The styles here just didn’t mesh at all and it came off as odd with an abrupt finish. It wasn’t particularly bad, but it just felt weird if that makes sense.

Bret wants Diesel and isn’t afraid of the Jackknife. He says there’s a family member to balance out Shawn but won’t say who.

WWF Title: Bret Hart vs. Diesel

Story: Diesel is IC Champion, big, strong, and therefore should get a title shot. That’s all there is to it so here we go. Donovan says it would be scary to line up with on a football line against Diesel. Earlier tonight I was watching The Longest Yard where Nash was a football player in an ironic bit. Anyway the family member is Neidhart which is a nice little surprise.

Why is Anvil so fondly remembered? He wasn’t particularly a great wrestler. To be fair he wasn’t anything bad at all, but he was a rather generic power guy. I guess it’s because he did what he did very well. He never really was bad at all and put on some very good tag matches. Diesel is IC Champion here. They mention that Anvil played for the Raiders and Donovan comes to life all of a sudden. The guy loves football if nothing else.

This really was an epic rivalry with these two as they had some very good matches over the years. This more or less is the same match they would always do but neither was at that level yet. It’s still entertaining enough despite having some flaws. Diesel uses standard power moves while Bret takes a great beating and goes for the legs when he can.

Why mess with stuff that works really well? After about 20 minutes of pretty good back and forth stuff including about 3 near Sharpshooters and Anvil being an idiot in general, Neidhart gets nailed by Diesel while Shawn hits Bret with a belt. Diesel is setting for the powerbomb but Anvil runs in for the rather cheap DQ.

If nothing else it’s smart to have Diesel hit him to save some of Bret’s face. Neidhart is MAD and leaves while the heels beat up Bret. A bunch of suits come down to clear the ring as we get the pinfall or submission announcement for a BIG pop. Bret was insanely over.

Rating: B. Like I said this was standard stuff for them but it still worked really well. Bret could wrestle giants at a level that was only trumped by Sting for guys his size. This was a very good match and by far and away the best match of the night featuring a seven foot guy named after a sixteen wheel truck and a guy from Calgary named after a 19th century western writer. This was fine for what it was, but dang why was this in the middle of the card? I simply don’t get that.

Semi Finals: Razor Ramon vs. I.R.S.

IRS’ gimmick was great, but DANG he was bad on the mic. The bell rings and Razor jumps IRS, with Gorilla saying they’re not waiting for any kind of bell. That sums up the night as a whole: no one cares at all. The announcers try to bring up their complete failure of a feud around the new year which didn’t work at all as no one bought IRS as a legit challenger, so they put it on PPV anyway.

Hey, did you know that Bret won the tournament last year and is now world champion? I didn’t know if any of the first 20 references to it got through or not. You can tell Savage is getting a bit annoyed with Donovan as I have been all night long. Gorilla says that he can’t believe no one has ever grabbed IRS by the tie, except for EVERY MATCH HE HAS EVER HAD!!!

Donovan calls a clothesline a forearm, which is an understandable error I guess as it can be close at times. IRS goes for a back drop and gets the Edge for the pin. That was pointless.

Rating: D+. Again, this could have been on any house show you went to for about a year and it just wasn’t interesting at all. It wasn’t bad, but man it was boring. I mean that’s the problem with this whole show: nothing at all is of interest. It’s not a bad set of matches, but other than the world title match, nothing at all has been interesting at all. It’s all the same stuff and you can kind of tell that no one cared about this show other than Owen.

Bret is looking for someone, who I think was Neidhart but it’s not clear at all. He has the belt over his shoulder which just looks amusing for no particular reason.

Todd goes over the brackets again, unsure if Kid can go or not.

Semi–Finals:  Owen Hart vs. 1-2-3 Kid

Owen looks almost chipper here. Kid is injured to say the least. I’m not all that into this announcer. He was the guy at Mania 10 and I just didn’t like him that much. Gorilla says Kid was hammered earlier. How appropriate of a line that is. Macho recaps “for those who just tuned in”. Well ok then. Usually what I’ll do is watch a few minutes of a match then pause it or type during downtime like a chinlock or something like that.

This was a four minute match, and I think they weren’t going after each other for about 4 seconds in their longest stretch. This was on FIRE and was more or less a lucha libre style match. I’ve always thought Owen was a bit overrated but this was awesome. Kid was awesome too as I still say he was better against smaller guys. This was awesome with Owen winning with the Sharpshooter. Kid taps, but we don’t know what that means yet so he has to say he gives up which is just odd to see.

Rating: A. This was short but awesome. This style was so far ahead of its time that I don’t think anyone else on the roster, other than MAYBE Shawn could have pulled off something like this. Why in the world do we have to have Piper vs. Lawler take up 12 minutes when we could have more of this?

Piper rambles…a lot.

Tag Titles: Headshrinkers vs. Crush/Yokozuna

Oh this isn’t going to be good is it? Crush is somehow the most athletic guy in there. The Shrinkers are the faces here and the champion as this match has zero context at all and is the epitome of a token title match. Geez we have Cornette, Fuji, Albano and Afa out there as the 80s circle of B-list managers is complete. Before you freak, yes I know Cornette was the top manager in Crockett but it’s my line so get over it.

Anyway, this really isn’t very good at all and I’m a fan of 75% of the wrestlers in this. Yoko actually loses a headbutting contest. That has never happened that I know of. Naturally there are a ton of botches in here as anyone would expect from these guys. This match, much like this show, is just dragging on and on. The heels take over like everyone expected them to.

They’re using the Colossal Connection formula where Crush is playing Haku and doing most of the work. Yoko isn’t up to the size of Andre yet but he’s getting there. Surprisingly there’s limited interference from a ton of one time heel managers out there.

Anyway, Crush beats up on Samu and hits a legdrop because Hogan is gone and everyone can use that move again since it’s a rather generic move to use. But heeeeeere’s Luger doing the only thing he knows how to do as he’s being annoying again. After a missed rollup, Fatu comes in and gets the rollup correctly for the pin. Weird ending.

Rating: C-. Like I said, this was a token title match. It wasn’t that bad but a lot of this grade is because I like most of the people in there. Ok correction I like one team but not the people on it (screw you Rikishi. Like we were going to buy you as top heel). The styles completely clashed here and while it was an ok match, it wasn’t ever going to be anything great, just like everything else on this show.

KOTR Finals: Owen Hart vs. Razor Ramon

Like I said, the finals were about as predictable as you ever could imagine. Only the Harts can manage to make pink look cool. I think Razor has worn different color tights in every match which someone always does. Ok, right there, Razor shows that he’s at least somewhat intelligent as he does something very smart. Owen goes for a crossbody and Razor was supposed to catch him for the fallaway slam that he does.

They botch it as Owen either doesn’t get high enough or Razor couldn’t get him up enough, but one way or another they messed it up. So what does Razor do? Does he complete the spot anyway but make it look like crap? Nope, instead he sets Owen down and does a regular slam. See, that right there is what you call intelligence and being on your game in a match. See, if they had done the spot anyway, it would have looked bad.

Instead we get a much more basic, yet still completely believable and FAR better executed spot that worked just as well. Razor was smart there and it made things look much better. That’s a great sign. In kind of a tell tale sign, we can see the announcers and Gorilla and Savage are looking down at the monitors as most commentators do while Donovan is looking at the ring.

If nothing else he’s trying. I can’t fault Donovan for not trying. He’s done what he could all night, but it just isn’t working. He’s simply too old and confused here without having enough on camera presence to pull this off. I will say this though: he doesn’t sound bored or miserable about being there, which makes up for a lot. I’ve said this many times: if you don’t want to be there, leave.

The best example of a guy that clearly wanted to be there and was having a lot of fun doing this is Ray Combs from Survivor Series 93. He was a horrible announcer with some of his jokes and misunderstanding of the rules, but dang he was having a blast out there and he didn’t get in the way of the match at all. That’s how you do guest commentary. He added stuff where he could and he made the match a bit more fun.

The key though: he was having a good time, or at least made you believe he was. That’s all I ask. Owen puts on an abdominal stretch and two things come to my attention. First of all, he grabs the rope for additional leverage. The thing is, to me it looks like that’s taking pressure off of Razor. Owen is less than a foot from the ropes as he doesn’t even have to extend his arm to get to them, so how much help is that giving him?

Also, in something that actually made me laugh out loud, he hooks the toe around Razor’s leg which is the common criticism from Gorilla. Ok, so for once we have the perfect abdominal stretch. Gorilla should be happy right? I quote, “This is a mistake by Owen because this hold isn’t going to work on a guy like Razor no matter how well you put it on.” It’s official: Monsoon can never be satisfied, period.

He spends nearly 20 years complaining about no one ever hooking the leg around and the first time anyone does, the hold is worthless anyway. That’s just awesome on about a million levels. After Razor makes his comeback, Jim Neidhart makes his second run in of the night and beats up Razor. A top rope elbow from Owen gives him the win. A Hart Attack follows and Owen is crowned King. He names himself the King of Harts which was his nickname for a very long time.

Rating: C+. Eh, this was ok I guess. Both guys were a bit tired, but the biggest problem was that I don’t think anyone believed that Razor was going to win this. It was always going to be Owen and that was clear for weeks leading into this. The match was ok enough but it still wasn’t great. For a final though with a given ending, this was ok. Both guys were fairly sharp in the ring, so I’ll let this one get by. It wasn’t great, but I’ve seen far worse matches.

We recap the Piper vs. Lawler feud, which was over who had the better interview segment and turned into one liners against each other as Lawler implies that Piper is gay. This just wasn’t that interesting at all as Piper was just an old guy here, which is odd as he was only about two and a half years removed or so from his best in ring work ever.

Oh and there’s some tiny kid that is imitating Piper who plays a big role in this for absolutely no apparent reason. Ok, apparently recap means showing the entire Lawler interview with random Piper comments thrown in with it.

Roddy Piper vs. Jerry Lawler

Yes, this is somehow the main event of a show with a tournament and a world title match on it. Also, they talk about the New Generation as Lawler walks down the aisle. So we have two mostly retired guys representing the new generation. Yeah that makes a ton of sense. Donovan inadvertently points out the biggest flaw in the tournament: Lawler has always been king so it’s very confusing.

He calls himself the undisputed king of the company, despite Owen being crowned about 3 minutes ago. See the problem now? There’s also something about a children’s hospital in Canada as we’ve apparently shifted from King of the Ring to a bad TV movie of the week. Of course Piper has a full team of bagpipe players and drummers. For zero apparent reason, Piper is now best friends with the guy that made fun of him on Raw.

That makes less than zero sense. Apparently Lawler is to blame for the kid putting on the Piper outfit, doing an impression of Roddy, and bowing to King and kissing his feet. Why are we having this match again? That makes no sense at all but we’ll go with it anyway. Oh look Piper wants to talk. He uses the bubblegum line to a HUGE pop. The kid makes some bad jokes too for no apparent reason.

So, from the time Lawler came through the curtain, it took 8 minutes to start the actual match. Gorilla says it’s vintage Piper, and in this case it actually is as he doesn’t actually wrestle but fights. The kid has a crown on. Just take me now. Piper throws some punches to mix it up a little. Donovan thinks Piper doesn’t like Lawler. At least this is almost over. The kid keeps interfering and even Piper gets annoyed with him.

Lawler hasn’t gotten a single move in yet and we’re about 4 minutes in. Roddy has short and almost blonde hair at this point and it’s just not right looking. Lawler goes after the kid and gets beaten on. That’s the story way too many times in this. Make that 6 minutes with nothing from Jerry. Hey there’s a punch, and once he gets Piper dazed a bit, he goes after the kid again. This show just needs to end now. I mean right now. Walk out of the ring and the show will be better instantly.

Apparently by being evil, Lawler is showing his true colors. If that’s the case he’s the biggest patriot I’ve ever seen because he never has a problem showing them. We’re in the corner now with the kid next to the buckle and Piper on his for protection while Lawler kicks Piper. I hate this match. There’s no commentary for a bit either as they have nothing to say or Donovan has wandered off again.

Piper “defends” him by shoving him out of the ring head first. 96% of this match has been punches. I mean they’re not even throwing in any kicks or something like that to vary it up a bit. Why are these two main eventing this show? Can ANYONE explain that to me? Apparently Lawler has patented the sleeper. Does ANYONE ever remember him using that? I know Piper used it, but Lawler?

I think Roddy agreed to give money or part of it or something that he wins here to the hospital. You know, instead of just giving it to them anyway from his own pocket. Lawler hits the only high impact move he knows and Roddy gets up. Piper says bring it on, so Lawler punches him down. That’s just amusing. This is just a bad match and it’s not showing any sign of ending.

Piper hits two bulldogs because the first wasn’t enough I suppose. He sets for a third and the referee goes down. Lawler hits him with the legendary foreign object and Piper is out. To continue the idiocy of this match, Lawler puts his feet on the ropes. That’s not that dumb of course as it’s a standard heel move that made Flair more hated than it was thought humanly possible to be.

No, the stupid part is Piper kicking his feet up into the air while not moving Lawler at all. Hey Roddy: IT MIGHT HELP IF YOU MOVED YOUR ARMS TOO! Seriously he’s just kicking them into the air. You would think he’s having a seizure or something. Anyway the kid shoves Lawler’s feet off the ropes because we just haven’t had enough fun tonight.

Piper botches a belly to back suplex and then botches a cover (Yes, he managed to botch a cover) for the pin to end this as apparently it’s a big deal that it’s Father’s Day. Ok then. Piper celebrates with the kid to end this.

Rating: F. WHAT IN THE HECK WAS THE POINT OF THIS??? It’s the second longest match of the night and it was AWFUL. Literally, 95%+ of that match was just punching. It wasn’t interesting, there was ZERO reason for this to end the show, and that kid was a freaking pest.

Why wasn’t the WWF Title match the main event? It couldn’t have been to send the fans home happy. They were asleep for the most part. Hart won so it’s not like they would have been sad. I’m at a loss for words on this and that’s not something that happens often. I seriously have no clue what they were thinking here.

Overall Rating: D. This whole show was just boring. I haven’t been this bored since those marathon early Summerslams with squash after squash. You can tell there is zero effort or thought into the majority of this show. Seriously, Piper vs. Lawler to close? I don’t get that at all. There were some ok matches here, but man alive they were random.

I mean the Kid and Owen match was gold but it was three and a half minutes long and came from beyond left field. A lot of this stuff just wasn’t going to work no matter what happened. The main problem was there was no drama. Bret wasn’t going to lose just two months after Mania, the Headshrinkers weren’t going to lose, and Owen was a lock to win.

Also, Donovan hurts this a lot. He tried so hard, but it was about as out of place and distracting as you could imagine. I have no idea what the point was there but it failed miserably. Take a pass on this one as it’s boring and more or less other than Owen getting a new nickname, nothing at all of note happens here.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

It’s to promote the book and talk about whatever is going on at the moment.  The show starts at 7:30 and runs until about 9.  I should be on at about 8pm EST tonight.  Here’s the address:

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/fanvsfannetwork/2013/02/07/mouth-of-the-south-shore-radio-show

Call in if you want to ask me something or anything like that.

KB

Apparently a radio show host mentioned this on the air today.  This has been rumored lately so I’m pretty sure this is accurate.  Either way, I plan on being there live for it.

Thoughts on the selection?

It can be any WWE DVD ever.  These are going to take a bit longer to get through so it won’t be airing for awhile.  It can be anything and first to three votes wins.

Is this something you all would be interested in?  I would review the match selections on a WWE DVD and talk about the documentary a bit as well.  Reviewing a documentary isn’t exactly easy to do but it’s possible I guess.

Thoughts?

AWE Night of the Legends
Date: October 15, 2011
Location: August Expoland, Fishersville, Virginia
Commentators: Chris Cruise, Dutch Mantell, Larry Zbyszko

This is a show that I’ve heard a lot of pretty bad things about for awhile now so you know I’m all over this one. It’s your typical “get some old guys together and have a show for a quick payday” deal with a main event of Ricky Morton vs. Kevin Nash. While that may seem random, they’ve had some legitimate heat between each other over some shoot interview comments. At least these guys are trying. Let’s get to it.

AWE stands for Awesome Wrestling Entertainment. You know we’re in for some good times tonight.

We open with a video talking about how tonight is the night the legends come home again. What legends live in Fishersville, Virginia?

The arena looks kind of like an old TNA arena but a bit darker. That’s not bad and WAY better than you get on some indy shows.

We’re told that AWE is AMERICAN. This is to prevent confusion with the Bolivian AWE.

The announcers talk about the show. Dutch Mantell is on commentary, just like at Heroes of Wrestling. I’m starting to have flashbacks.

Terry Funk vs. Tommy Dreamer

No DQ here because what else would it be? Dreamer is of course wearing an AWE shirt because if you want something advertised, call Tommy Dreamer. Funk immediately asks for a mic and says he always gets a physical before he gets in the ring. He yells at the fans but says he’s not supposed to be in a wrestler. Funk says he’s getting in the ring for the fans and Tommy Dreamer because Dreamer loves hardcore. Terry talks about getting older and meaner before blasting Dreamer in the face with the mic.

We head to the floor with Dreamer in trouble and getting a drink thrown into his face. Funk gets thrown into what looks like a school desk before Dreamer is thrown into a thick table. Terry starts throwing plastic chairs at Tommy and crotches him on the steel barricade. Back in and Funk fires off some headbutts including some on all fours. We head to the floor all over again with Dreamer being sent into the barricade again.

Tommy steals a drink and spits it in Terry’s face before heading back inside with a pair of chairs. They chop it out a bit and Dreamer is taken down onto a chair via a drop toehold. Funk goes after Tommy’s knee with a chair and puts on the Spinning Toe Hold. Dreamer hits him in the head with a chair, hits him in the ribs again, and rolls him up with a small package for the pin out of nowhere.

Rating: D. I do not like matches like this one. Terry Funk may think that he’s ready to be in the ring but he was 67 years old here and did not need to be out there in a wrestling ring. On top of that, the match itself was over out of nowhere (not that I’m complaining from one standpoint) as that small package hit in a flash. I’m guessing there was an injury in there, or perhaps they realized that a 67 year old man doesn’t need to be taking chair shots.

Funk takes out the referee because that’s what he does.

We get highlights of the match because twelve minutes of this isn’t enough yet.

Jamin Olivencia of OVW says that he’s ready to beat Sonjay Dutt again. When was the first match? In about forty seconds, he says Jamin Olivencia about 10 times. The Rock he is not.

Bill Apter, a famous publisher of the top wrestling magazines of the 80s, asks Sonjay Dutt about the upcoming match. Dutt doesn’t have much to say but it’s cool to see Apter.

Jamin Olivencia vs. Sonjay Dutt

Apparently these two are at least semi-regulars in AWE. They stare at each other a lot and Jamin shouts his name again. We immediately start talking about the main event as arm holds are traded. Jamin shouts for the third time and it’s a standoff. He starts to do it for the fifth but Sonjay grabs a headlock, making him the most popular act on the show so far. Really basic stuff so far until Sonjay nips up to slap Jamin in the face.

Things start speeding up a bit with Sonjay hitting a headscissors to send Jamin to the outside. Back in and Dutt snaps off a forearm to the head but Sonjay fires off even more shots to the face. What appeared to be a standing Lionsault is broken up and Jamin hits a running spinning splash for two. Off to a chinlock by Jamin for a bit until Sonjay fights out and sends him out to the floor. A BIG dive takes Jamin down and gets two back inside.

Olivencia hits a spinning clothesline for two but Dutt comes back with a running boot to the face and a springboard splash for two. Jamin comes back with a belly to back suplex to put both guys down. Sonjay fires off more kicks to stagger Jamin but gets hit by a jumping knee to the face. Olivencia backdrops him down but gets superkicked down as well. Sonjay wins a forearm slugout and we get the sunset flip/heel grabs the rope/referee kicks his arms free spot for two.

The referee gets bumped and Jamin hits a low blow on Sonjay, followed by the O Drop for the pin. What is the O Drop you ask? It appears to be a jumping DDT, but since the camera cut back to the referee with Jamin in mid jump, it might have been a carnival act similar to juggling oranges as 5000lbs of zucchini falls on Dutt for the pin.

Rating: C+. Until the ending here, this was getting pretty good. I’ve heard people say this show is at the level of Heroes of Wrestling or even worse which now scares me even more. Heroes had nothing of this level of speed or interest, so how bad can the rest of this show be? Anyway, these two looked good out there although Olivencia is pretty bland.

We get more highlights to eat up some time which I’m guessing is going to be a regular thing.

We get a clip from the contract signing for Morton vs. Nash. Nash signs with no issues and Morton talks about why he hates Kevin Nash. I kid you not, this is the explanation he gives: “Just go on the internet and type in ‘Ricky Morton hates Kevin Nash’ and you’ll find out what it’s all about.

Some heel manager (I think) named Rick Garrison joins commentary.

C.W. Anderson is ready for Perry Saturn.

Saturn cuts a goofy promo before getting even goofier.

Perry Saturn vs. C.W. Anderson

This is Saturn’s return match after being a homeless drug addict who people thought was dead for years. Saturn now has a tattoo on his face ala Mike Tyson. He also has a beer gut and no mustache now which is a weird look for him. Feeling out process to start with Saturn shoving Anderson into the corner. This appears to be the goofy Saturn again which isn’t really that fun to watch.

C.W. bails to the floor almost immediately and hits Saturn in the head with a chair as Saturn tries a suicide dive. Back in and Perry is busted open just a bit. Perry’s arm is sent into the buckle and we get our first psychology of the match. Off to an armbar as the match stays slow. A clothesline gets a very slow two count for Anderson and he throws Saturn to the floor for fun.

Back in and it’s back to the armbar as the announcers bicker about some nonsense. Anderson charges into a boot in the corner and Saturn takes him down with a bulldog. Back up and Saturn charges into a superkick for two but he comes back with a fast sunset flip for a very slow three count to win his return match.

Rating: D+. Considering this was his first match back in nine years, this was pretty good stuff. The problem here is mainly with Anderson. I’ve never gotten the appeal of this guy but he keeps getting work because of a few months he spent working with ECW near the end. Wrestling is funny that way.

Mohammed Akbar (OVW guy I think) talks about how he’s here fighting for Persian culture against Hacksaw Jim Duggan.

Duggan says he isn’t your usual old tough guy.

Mohammed Akbar vs. Jim Duggan

Akbar cuts a very generic heel promo about how rich he is which makes him better than us. Duggan finally cuts him off and it’s time to fight. We head to the ring and Jim slugs Akbar to the floor. It’s very clear here that Akbar is in WAY over his head here. A hiptoss puts Akbar down and we’re well into the usual Duggan formula here. Mohammed gets in a shot and hits the chinlock for a bit. After a minute long “bit”, Duggan fights up and hits the Three Point Clothesline for the easy pin. It’s as abrupt as it sounds.

Rating: D-. This was every Duggan match you’ve ever seen that fits the form of a Duggan match. Akbar is a guy from OVW and not a very good one at that. Duggan as the American patriot is about as basic gimmick as you could ask for and it will likely be kicking around some indy company for years to come.

Duggan yells at a whining Akbar post match.

Alex Silva, who I think was on Impact once, says that he’ll walk the walk against Finlay.

Finlay talks about experience and all that jazz.

Alex Silva vs. Fit Finlay

Silva has Tammy Lynn Sytch, aka Sunny, with him for no apparent reason. She has since been arrested six times in like six months so take this for what you will. Finlay shoves him down to start and knocks Silva to the floor with a forearm to the face. Back in and Finlay takes it to the mat with a headlock. Naturally the announcers talk about the main event in case someone has bought the show but doesn’t want to see the main event I guess.

Silva bails again and it’s back to a leg lock this time. We hit the headlock again as the match starts to drag already. Silva counters into a headscissors for about two minutes until Finlay fights up again. There’s an armdrag to put Silva down and Finlay fires off some knees to the back. A kind of Russian legsweep takes Silva down as we’re somehow over ten minutes into this match.

Finlay is sent into the corner where he tries to jump to the middle rope, only to fall down clutching his knee. We now basically stop all contact between the guys in the ring although Sunny does rake Finlay’s eyes a few times. Silva covers for two but then backs up again. Finlay drops to the floor and screams a lot but the referee won’t stop the match. We’re at four minutes now with no significant contact. Silva calls Finlay a coward so Fit charges back in and gets slugged down for a bit. Alex works on the knee with a DDT and stomps away a bit.

They head to the floor with Silva chopping away against the barricade and kicking at the knee a bit more. Back in and we hit another leg lock followed by a heel hook and an ankle lock. Even with the knee injury this is still very dull stuff. Finlay comes back with some chops but Silva sends him to the floor. Silva gets caught in the ring apron and Finlay pounds away before we go back inside. Finlay beats him up even more and manages a Regal Roll for two. Silva goes up but Finlay catches him in the Celtic Cross (think White Noise) but Tammy trips him. The distraction lets Silva hit Finlay low for the pin.

Rating: D. This was supposed to get Silva over, right? If that’s the case, this company has a very wrong idea about what it means to put someone over. This made him look like he couldn’t beat an old man without a freak injury, Sunny and a low blow. Why does that make me want to see Silva again? The match would have been boring with or without the injury so you can’t blame that either. Just a boring match.

Silva brags from the locker room.

Finlay says Silva better be out of the territory soon.

Short Sleeve Sampson vs. Abo Shongo

Now we get midgets. Oh joy. Sampson does a kind of rap but it’s absolutely awful and winds up with an “I say Short Sleeve, you say Sampson” chant. Shongo isn’t a midget and stands about 5’7, making this match even worse. The tale of the tape lists Shongo from Parts Unknown but Cruise says he’s from Cameroon. That’s the kind of show we’re dealing with here.

Sampson knocks him to the floor and tries a dive, only to stop when Shongo isn’t ready. As Abo comes back in, Short Sleeve crotches him and hits a low dropkick for two. Shongo clotheslines him right back down as this is already going nowhere. Cruise: “How do you pin a midget?” Dutch: “You lay him on the mat and hold his shoulders down for three.” Shongo hooks a cravate as this is going nowhere.

It’s off to a dragon sleeper for a few minutes until Sampson fights up and hits a dropkick. There’s an airplane spin by the midget and a low bulldog for no cover. There’s the “Inch Worm”….but Shongo rolls to the floor before it can hit. Shongo tries to throw some powder but it goes back in his own (painted white) face. Sampson finally finishes with a top rope splash.

Rating: D. It was stupid, it wasn’t interesting, it wasn’t a good match. Let’s get away from this so we can get on to the main event with people we might have heard of outside of Hulk Hogan’s Micro Championship Wrestling. Yeah you might remember Sampson from that so terrible it was great show.

We get another clip of the Nash/Morton contract signing with Nash hitting Morton with a chair. Apparently Nash’s partner was going to be someone named Marvin Ward but the Rock N Roll Express beat him up. This brought out the Midnight Express to beat up Ward as well. Diamond Dallas Page came out for the real save. This of course does not mean that Page is the mystery partner. Neither does Page being on the poster of the PPV along with Nash and the Express.

The RNRE, looking to be about 9000 years old each, say they’ll beat up Nash and his partner.

Nash says he doesn’t know why Morton hates him and says he doesn’t have anything to talk about. This goes on for awhile with mentions of Old Yeller. Ok then.

Rock and Roll Express vs. Kevin Nash/Diamond Dallas Page

Yeah to the shock of no one it’s Page. He’s in a t-shirt and jeans but at least he’s a big name to have in there. No mention is made of Page and Nash being former world tag team champions here. We start with Page and Gibson as Larry says Nash and Page never tagged together. Eh no one remembers 2001 WCW anyway.

Off to Nash before much happens but here’s Marvin Ward. Apparently he isn’t a wrestler but rather the AWE boss. This is now a one on one match so Gibson and Page are thrown out. Uh…..ok then? Oh and it’s now No DQ. So can’t Page and Gibson stay now? One more thing: Ronnie Garvin is guest referee, somehow looking younger than he did when he was world champion.

Nash pounds on Ricky to start and uses all of his power stuff. There goes the buckle pad and Morton takes Snake Eyes to bust him open. It hits again and Ricky is busted open. Back in and Nash gets two before choking away a bit. Morton slugs away again and pounds Nash down to one knee as this is starting to get decent. Nash comes back with a chokeslam but grabs a mic instead.

He asks what Morton’s problem is so Ricky goes into a rant about how this business is his life. Guys like Ronnie Garvin raised him in this business. Morton talks about how Nash was a jerk who was in it only for the money. Nash says if that’s Morton’s problem, then they don’t have a problem. They shake hands….and there’s a Jackknife to Ricky. Kevin grabs the mic and says of course it’s all about the money. “Why else do you go to work?” He doesn’t care about the fans as long as they keep buying his dolls and t-shirts. Nash isn’t one of the people suffering from the economic downturn…and he walks out for the countout.

Rating: I. We’ll call this incomplete. The match was good while it lasted but most of the match was spent talking about why they like the business. Other than that was only some decent stuff in the middle which was forgettable at best. This was the match that was set up for the entire show and what we got was good. Unfortunately, there wasn’t much of it that could be good.

Overall Rating: F+. This show is indeed terrible, but it’s certainly not Heroes of Wrestling bad. While that show was completely abysmal with the stupid skits and no idea of how to run a show, this at least had a few watchable matches. Dutt vs. Olivencia was some pretty decent stuff and is perfectly fine all things considered. It’s definitely not a good show or even a passable show, but there are FAR worse shows out there. This is much more forgettable than terrible which makes it less entertaining. It’s not worth seeing or anything and this isn’t going to be remembered in any distant time in the future.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: February 4, 2013
Location: Phillips Arena, Atlanta, Georgia
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

We’re getting closer to the Elimination Chamber which has nothing to do with Raw but it’s WWE in general so there you go. As for tonight the main story is what happened at the end of last week’s show with Lesnar and Vince. Vince needs real hip surgery so that was the story they came up with to get McMahon off TV. We’re also going to get some more between Rock and Punk. Let’s get to it.

After a LONG recap of the main stuff from last week, here’s Punk to open the show. He makes the announcer call him the REAL People’s Champion. Punk talks about how he’s had a week to reflect on having his championship stolen from him and yeah it affects him. He doesn’t think anyone here in the arena has ever accomplished anything in his life.

Punk goes on a rant about how he wasn’t in the video and there’s no proof he had anything to do with Shield or Maddox. Why would you believe Vince? Knowing Vince, he might have hired an actor that sounds like Heyman. Punk talks about how Vince had hip surgery today and that’s karma. Vince probably set this up because he doesn’t want Punk to be champion. In two weeks he will get back the physical belt back because this is day number four hundred and…..here’s Booker T?

Booker stumbles over his lines and says that since Vickie is in charge tonight, the people are going to pick who he faces. It’s going to be one of Punk’s previous Wrestlemania opponents: Mysterio, Orton or Jericho. Just download the WWE App and vote!

Here’s how to vote on the App because if you have a smart phone, clearly you have no idea how to download an app!

Orton, on the App, pitches why he should face Punk.

Ryback vs. Antonio Cesaro

I knew it would be Cesaro before the music hit through common sense and process of elimination. That doesn’t speak well for WWE. They shove each other around to start and Cesaro gets slammed around a few times. Ryback puts him in the Tree of Woe and hits some “feed me more” stomps. Back in and Cesaro pounds away as well, only to be caught by the Thesz Press. Antonio hits a clothesline to the back of Ryback’s head to take him down and we go to a break.

Back with Ryback being slammed into the steps for a close count. This would be after the exclusive footage from the WWE App, which isn’t exclusive if they’re showing it elsewhere, as well as being overkill of the whole thing at all. The Meat Hook puts Cesaro on the floor and the match continues. After a European Uppercut hits in the ring, it’s another Meat Hook and the Shell Shock for the pin at 9:50.

Rating: C-. Cesaro loses to Ryback. Again. Like I said, it’s not a good sign that it was obvious who was facing Ryback as there was no one else that could be facing him at his level. Also since Cesaro and Ryback fight a lot, they were likely to be fighting again here. That’s WWE in a nutshell for you anymore. Nothing special in the match either.

MORE WWE APP STUFF!!! DID WE MENTION THIS ALREADY???

We look at the Shield taking out Sheamus, Ryback and Cena last week.

Mysterio talks on the App.

We get a long video on the history of the Shield.

Cena is watching the video and has his serious face on. Apparently he’s going to call out Shield on his own tonight so Vickie makes fun of him a bit.

Trish Stratus Hall of Fame video.

Jericho completes the trio of shilling for the App.

Santino Marella vs. Jack Swagger

Booker is on commentary for no apparent reason. Swagger’s hair is a bit more down than it was on Smackdown. He shoves Santino around to start as Booker talks about how Swagger is ratings. The Vader Bomb hits and it’s the ankle lock for the tap at 1:27. Apparently it’s called the Patriot Act now.

Swagger yells at Booker post match.

You can now vote on the WWE APP!!!

Apparently since so many people are on the WWE App, you can now vote on WWE.com. Yep, after ALL THAT TALKING, you can just vote without the App. Egads this company gets annoying at times.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Cody Rhodes

Del Rio gets slapped in the face and here comes the champion. The enziguri in the corner isn’t an enziguri as it hits the shoulder, but Cody pounds away anyway. He goes after the leg but Alberto makes the quick comeback with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker and a low superkick for two. Cody comes back with the Disaster Kick for the same but he walks into the cross armbreaker at 2:45. Well at least he lasted longer than he did against Cena last week.

Del Rio talks about how he’s a changed man and how much he respects the people that work every day to put food on the table. Big Show pops up on screen and talks about how he’s better than Del Rio. He’s at a hotel because if he was there, he would kill Alberto. Apparently Show ran from the parking lot because he wants this in a real match, not in a parking lot. The rematch is made for the PPV, you know the drill.

Jericho gets to face Punk.

Bryan and Kane argue over getting into the Chamber. Isn’t Bryan already in?

Rey Mysterio vs. Daniel Bryan

Apparently Orton and Mysterio are already in the Chamber but Bryan has to make it in. Didn’t they already say who was in the Chamber on Smackdown on Friday? Bryan takes him to the mat to start but Mysterio comes back with some knees to the face. A modified gutbuster puts Rey down for two and Mysterio heads to the apron. Rey goes up but gets caught in the Tree of Woe for some NO Kicks. Bryan goes shoulder first into the post and we take a break.

Back with Mysterio firing off some forearms but getting suplexed down so Daniel can stomp on the arm a bit. He throws Mysterio out to the floor and hits a baseball slide to keep Rey on the floor. Bryan loads up the suicide dive but Rey gets a forearm up. The top rope seated senton starts to pick things up and Rey hits a rana into the kick to the head for two. The 619 is countered into a No Lock attempt but Rey rolls him up for two. Mysterio hits a rana into the 619 but the top rope splash misses. NO Lock finishes at 8:35.

Rating: C+. Pretty decent match here as you would expect from these guys. Rey is already in the Chamber so nice job of having him lose here. Bryan is in the Chamber now I guess, but given the way things have been going on Smackdown, who knows where they’re going with the Chamber. Granted I know what’s coming next.

MARK HENRY returns to power walk towards Bryan. Daniel goes at him and is immediately sent into the barricade. Henry takes out Rey and the running in Cara as well.

Bryan yells at Kane for not helping him. Kane: “You told me to stay back here.” Bryan: “SINCE WHEN DO YOU LISTEN TO ME???” Kane teases Bryan about hurting his feelings but he’s only playing.

We recap (I’ve said that a lot tonight) Vince and Heyman from last week followed by Lesnar attacking Vince and breaking his hip.

Big Show is on the phone with Booker when there’s a knock at the door. It’s room service but Big Show doesn’t tip. And that’s that apparently.

Sheamus vs. Kane

This should be good. Bryan is officially in the Chamber due to his win earlier. I don’t think either of these guys have qualified yet though. Kane powers Sheamus into the corner to start, Sheamus powers him right back, Kane gets caught in the Irish Curse, we’ve killed 90 seconds. A clothesline sends Kane to the floor but he breaks up the ten forearms to the chest. The Brogue Kick, chokeslam, White Noise and the tombstone are all countered so Kane hits his running DDT for no cover. Cue Bryan to yell at Kane, allowing Sheamus to Brogue Kick the big man for the pin at 3:48.

Rating: D+. This didn’t have any time to get anywhere. I’d assume they both make the Chamber but since Friday I’ve lost all idea of who is in and who isn’t. The match was nothing of note but keeping it short might have been the better idea given who was in there. The clash of styles would have really hurt them here in the end more than likely.

Here’s MizTV with Paul Heyman as guest. After looking at what happened last week, Paul offers Vince his best wishes. Miz doesn’t buy it but Heyman guarantees that he wasn’t behind Brock last week. He was even begging Brock to not do it. Miz still doesn’t buy it so Heyman goes on a rant about everything he can think of not related to last week. Paul gets in Miz’s face but here’s Vickie to interrupt.

She says that Heyman is telling the truth because it was her that brought Brock back. Vickie recognized him as an elite free agent so she rehired him to impress Vince. She offers her condolences so Heyman wants a moment of silence. Vickie says we should pray but Miz says really. Miz talks about how Vickie is always wanting more power and Heyman hates Vince for crushing ECW. Vickie yells but Miz says Vince will fire Heyman and Vickie as soon as he’s back. Cue Lesnar who destroys the MizTV set and hits the F5 on Miz onto the couch.

Wade Barrett vs. Randy Orton

Are these two contractually obligated to fight every other week or something? It’s a brawl to start with Orton heading to the floor quickly. Barrett rams him into a few things before heading back inside for a quick chinlock. Orton fights up with a clothesline and the Elevated DDT but Wade rolls to the outside. That lasts a few seconds but Orton charges back into the Winds of Change for two. Wasteland and the RKO are both countered but Barrett misses a big boot in the corner and it’s the RKO for the pin at 4:51.

Rating: C. Does this mean anything anymore for Orton? He beats Barrett so often anymore that it’s hard to care whatsoever when it happens anymore. Nothing to see here at all either as it didn’t have time to build to anything. It continues to amaze me how they have so much time but they can’t give a match five minutes.

Chris Jericho vs. CM Punk

The fans are completely split between the two guys. They chop it out to start and Punk takes him down with some knees. We hit the armbar by Punk who yells at the referee to ASK HIM. Nice touch. Jericho fights up and escapes a tornado DDT to send Punk to the floor. A baseball slide puts Punk down but he blocks the springboard dropkick as we take a break.

Back with Punk slamming Jericho down and dropping a leg to the back of Jericho’s head. Off to the cravate but Punk misses a splash to give Jericho control. The Lionsault hits knees but Jericho counters into a Walls attempt almost immediately. Punk goes for the knee in the corner but Jericho avoids the shot and hits a top rope rana for a delayed two. The GTS is countered but Jericho can’t hook the Walls. They fight over a small package but Punk hooks a spinning neckbreaker for two. The running knee in the face hits this time but the Macho Elbow misses.

The Lionsault gets two as does Punk’s High Kick. This is starting to get awesome. There’s the Anaconda Vice but Jericho FINALLY makes the rope. Jericho goes up but gets crotched, only to get caught in the GTS. Chris counters AGAIN and this time he hooks the Walls. Punk barely makes the rope but he can’t hook the GTS because of his back. The Walls are countered by sending Jericho into the buckle. Punk sends him into the post and the GTS finally ends Jericho at 15:03.

Rating: A-. GREAT match here and one of the best TV matches I’ve seen in a very long time. This was a long series of counters with Punk using everything he could to set up the GTS until he finally got it on to end the thing. Jericho constantly countering into the Walls showed off how great he was in the ring on top of on the mic. Great great match here.

In a huge surprise, Bruno Sammartino is officially announced for the WWE Hall of Fame. This is a BIG pick up because Bruno has spent years saying he wouldn’t do anything with WWE at all. George Steele talks about how awesome Bruno was which is freaking weird to hear.

Punk says he’s here and Rock isn’t.

Video on the media hyping up Rock’s title win. You know Vince is loving this.

Cena says he’s serious tonight and is pushing back against the Shield.

Show is eating dinner and is on the phone saying he can’t wait anymore. Someone knocks on the door and it’s a messenger. He hands Show the EC contract when the messenger has something to tell him. Show tells him to be quiet and signs the contract. Big Show opens the door where Del Rio is waiting. They fight in the hallway with Show beating the champion down but Del Rio comes back with a fire extinguisher. He blasts Show in the head with it and knocks Show out cold before explaining to some people in an elevator that it was bad Mexican food.

Here’s Brad Maddox who says that he’s innocent and was wronged by Heyman last week. He gave Vince the footage last week so he’s the hero of the story. Maddox calls out Shield who actually talk on their way down. They say Maddox (who apparently took money from Heyman too) doesn’t understand justice, because justice is them giving Maddox the beating he deserves. Maddox actually tries to fight and is immediately beaten down.

This goes on for awhile and here’s Cena. Through the crowd that is and here’s Ryback through the same crowd. Sheamus joins in too and the Shield runs….right into the rest of the roster they’ve beaten up before. Shield is trapped in the ring and the brawl is on, only to be chased off to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. This was a pretty solid show tonight. The two midcard champions losing are a big problem but at least we got some major developments tonight on top of a great match. This show also is proof that you don’t need Rock around every week to carry the show, which is a really good sign. I’m fired up for Elimination Chamber which should be awesome.

Results

Ryback b. Antonio Cesaro – Shell Shock

Jack Swagger b. Santino Marella – Patriot Act

Alberto Del Rio b. Cody Rhodes – Cross Armbreaker

Daniel Bryan b. Rey Mysterio – NO Lock

Sheamus b. Kane – Brogue Kick

Randy Orton b. Wade Barrett – RKO

CM Punk b. Chris Jericho – GTS

Remember to follow me on Twitter @Kbreviews

He’s a heel apparently and wants to be in the Chamber.  I can’t say I’m complaining and it’s yet another guy in the Smackdown title picture.  I’m a happy KB over this.

According to both ESPN and WWE.com.  This is a BIG surprise as Bruno has long since distanced himself from WWE and hates the current product.  He’s definitely the new headliner for the class.

Smackdown
Date: February 4, 2011
Location: Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum, Uniondale, New York
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Booker T

It’s the first show since we officially started the Road to Wrestlemania with Alberto Del Rio vs. Edge being the tentative match for the title at the biggest PPV of the year. Edge/Kelly vs. Ziggler/Laycool for the title tonight which certainly sounds intriguing. Also expect the beginning of the set up to Elimination Chamber. Let’s get to it.

Do you know your enemy? Where I live it’s SNOW.

There’s a fiesta tonight apparently and there’s a Wrestlemania piñata. Yes let’s take something we love and are looking forward to and beat it with a stick.

Here’s Booker T and he’s apparently the new member of Smackdown’s announce team. Cool, and based on what he looked like at the Rumble hopefully he’s an occasional wrestler. We get a Spinarooni to really get the crowd going. Booker got a good reaction. It’s like he hadn’t been around since 2007.

Vickie interrupts Booker’s entrance and says that we’ll get qualifying matches tonight for the Smackdown Elimination Chamber which will be for the title. Ziggler is with Vickie. She orders Kelly to come out here right now which prompts a bunch of screeching. Ah there she is. Booker’s voice is much better than it was when he did some commentary with TNA. It’s clear and deep instead of hard to understand.

Vickie yells at Kelly, saying that without her interference Dolph would be the world champion. She’d rather humiliate Kelly instead of firing her. Kelly is going to cost Edge the world title tonight. Kelly says Vickie is trying to destroy her character. Kelly has a character? Oh she means her personality. Kelly has a personality? Ah ok she’s saying Vickie is a bad person. Makes more sense.

Dolph blames Kelly for the world title loss because she allowed Edge to hit the illegal spear. We see a clip of it, which makes me wonder why Vickie doesn’t just reverse it since she’s GM and there’s proof Edge broke the rules. Dolph: “Now Vickie can’t reverse the referee’s decision.” Wait why not? She can do ANYTHING but she can’t reverse it? She can’t make the referee reverse it? She can’t show the referee the tape and have him do it for her? I love the ever changing rules in wrestling.

Anyway Ziggler yells at Kelly, blaming her for him not being champion. The only reason she’s here is because she may be the reason Dolph wins the world title tonight. Until then she can get out. Kelly slaps Dolph and shoves Kelly. Cue Laycool until Edge comes out for the save.

Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov vs. Justin Gabriel/Heath Slater

Non-title here. We get a clip from Raw of Orton attacking the New Nexus and putting out Harris. I missed him RKOing Harris so I thought Harris was down from the Cobra for like three minutes. That punt looked good too. I might be missing something but it sounds like Corre’s music is different here. Kozlov vs. Gabriel to start. Booker is having some issues getting in on the commentary here but I can definitely give him a break on the first night.

Off to Slater vs. Santino. Booker says Cole talks a lot of nonsense so he’s definitely a nice guy commentator. He talks about how there has to be a leader on all teams, but Josh has to lead him into it. Slater gets a nice reverse DDT to Kozlov and the 450 ends this perfectly clean at 3:03.

Rating: D+. This was just long enough to rate but there wasn’t much here. The DDT was nice but that’s about all it had going for it. I really don’t get the idea of having your tag champions constantly lose clean. Corre could use some titles I guess so I could live with the titles changing down the line. Very short even at a surprising level.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: Kofi Kingston vs. Drew McIntyre

We’re told that Edge and Ziggler are automatically in the Chamber because Edge is champion and Dolph just because. Booker has no comment on that. We’re of course talking about the Chamber and since Booker has experience in one, Cole cuts him off every few seconds. Basic back and forth stuff to start us off. Booker talked to Drew and he says he’s the Chosen One but Booker isn’t sure.

I know I’m talking about the announcers a lot but it’s one of the main aspects of the show tonight. Kofi gets a jumping back elbow for two. Not a lot is going on in the ring anyway so the commentary and how Booker is doing is a bit more interesting anyway. Armbar by Kofi as they’re seeming to have issues getting off the ground here. Could be a slow build though which is fine.

Pendulum kick in the corner breaks the little bit of momentum Drew had and a clothesline puts him on the floor. We hit the floor with Kofi in control until Drew manages to get a modified flapjack to send Kofi into the steps as we take a break. Back with Drew getting a back elbow for two. Wisely Drew goes after the ribs with something close to an abdominal stretch on the mat.

Kofi gets dropped on the ribs in a gutbuster which gets two for McIntyre. Drew gets a nice dropkick to put Kofi down for two. Cole rants about Lawler for awhile until Drew tries a clothesline. Kofi jumps up into the air and spins around, catching Drew with a DDT. That was awesome looking. Kofi hammers away in the corner and stomps a mudhole in him.

Superman punch/clothesline gets two. Boom Drop hits and Kofi wants Trouble in Paradise. Drew manages to avoid the kick though…and here’s Ricardo on the big screen to introduce Alberto? He doesn’t say anything but just stares down Kofi (remember Kofi beat him in a tag match last week). The distraction is enough for the Futureshock to end it at 9:42 shown of 13:12.

Rating: B. This picked up in the second half but wasn’t as good as some of their other matches. Still though, this was pretty solid. Also if it sets up Alberto vs. Kofi to fill in time until Mania I certainly can’t complain. Either way, decent enough match and Drew going to the Chamber gives him something to do while the Kelly story develops.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: Rey Mysterio vs. Jack Swagger

This should be pretty good. The push-ups are back! Apparently Cody Rhodes is going to have facial reconstruction surgery next week. Swagger’s boots are a brighter color and they’re taking some getting used to. Rey sends him to the floor as we take an early break. Back with Swagger sending Rey into the corner which gets him nowhere.

Rey gets a cross body for two. 619 is avoided though so Rey tries what might have been an Asai Moonsault. Jack blocks it though and Rey’s legs are tied up in the ropes. Back to the ring with Swagger working on the knee. The leg goes around the post which gets two. Back to the floor with Swagger in complete and utter control. After knocking over a Red Bull we’re back in the ring.

Vader Bomb gets two. Swagger picks him up and throws him across the ring. I love basic moves like that. Another Vader Bomb misses though and here comes Rey. Tornado DDT takes Swagger down for two. Rey tries the 619 but Swagger grabs the legs for the ankle lock. Rey is in the ropes though. Not that it matters though as Swagger pulls him back to the middle. Rey sends him into the corner and gets a kick into a rollup to end this at 8:37 shown of 11:07.

Rating: C+. I couldn’t get into this one for some reason. It’s definitely good and Swagger working on the knee is a good story for the match. My issue with it though is that Rey didn’t have to do much at all to take over and win here. That’s not good in my eyes as it makes Swagger look weak. I get that Rey is the superhero but can they make it look like they’re trying?

We get a clip from Raw of Alberto picking his opponent.

Edge and Kelly are in the back and Edge says he didn’t think his title reign would end like this. Kelly says Edge has no faith in her and that Edge is just like Drew McIntyre before storming off.

Here are Horny and Rosa who looks a bit different now. They throw some t-shirts to the fans until Ricardo introduces Alberto. He says his usual stuff while Horny and Rosa are still in the ring. Alberto has a present for Horny: the piñata. The candies and toys are symbols of everything he wants to give to all his fans here in New Jersey, drawing nice heat (show is in New York).

Horny is blindfolded and swings the stick while the piñata is still in the air. Naturally he misses and hits Alberto in the balls. Alberto enters a higher level of heelness as he kicks Horny in the head and hammers away. Kofi runs down for the save. Ricardo distracts Kofi though and Del Rio beats him up with the stick and throws on the cross armbreaker.

Stone Cold is hosting Tough Enough. Booker throws in that he’ll be a coach on Tough Enough. That’s kind of cool actually and something he’d be great at.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: Chavo Guerrero vs. Kane

Uh…yeah. I wonder if this lasts longer than their Wrestlemania match. Well there’s that record. Chavo goes up and is caught in the chokeslam. He counters though by clothesline Kane over the top. Frog Splash hits but Kane catches him in the chokeslam from the mat and it’s over at 1:02.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: Big Show vs. Wade Barrett

Yeah Corre definitely has new music here and it’s much better. It’s a toned down song this time that still has lyrics. All of Corre comes out and surround the ring. This is for the final spot in the Chamber. Barrett has to keep moving and gets a shot to the knee to take over. Barrett gets sent into the corner where he crushes the referee. Jackson comes in to run over Show but only gets two. And never mind as a DDT by Barrett ends it seconds later at 2:00. This was incredibly quick.

Show tries to fight off Corre post match but gets slammed. Jackson grabs a mic and says the end has come, it has awakened against you.

That sets the Chamber at Edge vs. Ziggler vs. Barrett vs. McIntyre vs. Mysterio vs. Kane.

Smackdown World Title: Kelly Kelly/Edge vs. Laycool/Dolph Ziggler

We even get big match intros for this. Chimmel has cut down on the throat cracking during Edge’s intro. The genders have to match here. Vickie says if there’s a spear the title is vacated. The guys start us off with Edge in control. He wants the spear and Vickie shouts at him to do it. Ziggler tags both members of Laycool so we get Michelle. Off to Kelly to make it Kelly Kelly vs. Michelle McCool for the World Heavyweight Championship as we take a break.

Kelly is all fired up here and beats up both members of Laycool with her gymnastics. Instead though Michelle catches a rana on the floor and spins Kelly into the barricade. That gets two back in the ring. Dolph: “Stay down Barbie!” Layla in now as Kelly is in trouble. Belly to belly by Michelle gets two. Kelly backflips out of a suplex and slaps the heck out of McCool to put both girls down.

Is there a reason why the initials on Dolph’s tights are backwards? Layla gets a head scissors choke on Kelly for a bit. Kelly fights back and it’s an X-Factor to break the momentum. The referee misses the tag to Edge allows Layla to beat on Kelly a bit more. Edge goes after Ziggler anyway but Michelle misses a big kick to Layla. Edge is ready for the tag but instead Kelly spears Layla to retain the world title at 6:50 shown of 10:20.

Rating: C. Decent main event here with a nice ending. Vickie said Edge couldn’t use a spear, not Kelly. It’s kind of cheap but it worked just fine for the ending to a TV main event. I’d have liked more Edge though as he was in there maybe a minute. I guess that was the point though as it made the title seem to be in jeopardy. This was just ok though as it was really Kelly vs. Laycool for the most part. Still though, creative way to have Edge be in trouble.

Post match Kelly gets fired. So Vickie can fire people but can’t coerce a referee to change a decision? She yells at Kelly about how she never cared about Vickie and how this is her show and all that jazz. After Kelly is gone, Vickie makes Edge vs. Dolph for next week with her as guest referee. Perhaps a title change for a quick title reign before the PPV? Zig Zag to Edge out of nowhere ends the show.

Overall Rating: B-. Not a bad show but a bit different than what they’ve done recently. Either way this was a pretty good show. They set up the Chamber perfectly and also gave us more of Ziggler vs. Edge. They’re doing a decent job of channeling Vince vs. Austin with Austin being put through a nightmare. The one key thing though: they’re not trying to recreate it but rather use a similar story. That’s very important. It’s not Austin vs. Vince. It’s Edge vs. Vickie. Let it be that and it’ll be a good story. Anyway, not bad at all this week.

Results

Drew McIntyre b. Kofi Kingston – Futureshock

Rey Mysterio b. Jack Swagger – Rollup

Kane b. Chavo Guerrero – Chokeslam

Wade Barrett b. Big Show – DDT

Edge/Kelly Kelly b. Laycool/Dolph Ziggler – Kelly speared Layla

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