Wrestlemania XXIX
Date: April 7, 2013
Location: MetLife Stadium, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Attendance: 80,676
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

With those matches out of the way, the only name left is the Undertaker, who will be facing CM Punk in a match that might have been better had it been for the title. This time it’s personal though, as Paul Bearer had recently passed away, leaving Punk to mock his memory and steal the urn one last time. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Intercontinental Title: Wade Barrett vs. The Miz

Barrett is defending and Miz is now a good guy who uses the Figure Four. Miz gets sent to the apron to start but slides in for a sunset flip for two. A hard kick to the ribs drops Miz but he’s still able to get his boot up to stop Wade’s running boot. The Reality Check (backbreaker/neckbreaker combo) gets two on the champ, followed by Winds of Change (spinning Boss Man Slam) from Barrett for the same. Barrett’s Bull Hammer (hard elbow to the head) is countered with the Figure Four, sending Wade into the ropes. Not that it matters as Miz sweeps the leg and puts the hold on again for the tap out and the title at 4:05.

Rating: D+. Really quick and nothing match here to fire the crowd up before the real show comes on. Barrett and Miz were both in tailspins at this point and the title was in an even worse place with meaningless title changes like this one. To give you an idea of what this meant, Barrett would get the title back the next night on Raw.

The opening video is narrated by New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, who talks about the devastation of Hurricane Sandy, which leveled huge portions of New Jersey. In the face of all that adversity though, New Jersey stood tall and is still alive today. Everywhere from New York to New Jersey, the people are unbreakable and unstoppable.

The New Jersey National Guard waves American flags.

We get the standard awesome Wrestlemania opening video, again focusing on the Wrestlemania Moment. The Streak actually gets the primary focus here with the other two main events going after. A great line here: “The storied past is only rivaled by the promise of a glorious future.”

We’re back in the company’s home area, hence the theme song called Coming Home.

The set is one of their most detailed ever with the Brooklyn Bridge and Empire State Building over the entrance and the Statue of Liberty over the canopy above the ring.

Sheamus/Randy Orton/Big Show vs. Shield

Shield (Dean Ambrose/Roman Reigns/Seth Rollins. I’ll spare you a description of each.) comes through the crowd as is their custom. Show hasn’t been considered the most trustworthy partner so the question is whether or not the team will implode. Sheamus and Reigns get things going with Roman taking over in the corner and stopping a charge with an elbow.

It’s off to Orton to slam Rollins’ head into the mat and then stomp on his face. Some right hands in the corner and a slingshot suplex get two on Rollins and it’s back to Sheamus. Notice the lack of tagging in Big Show. Ambrose comes in and gets powered down by Sheamus as well, only to have Show tag himself in for a series of rapid fire (well as rapid fire as Show can reach) chops in the corner.

Shield starts going with what brought them to the dance with the fast tags, setting up the top rope knee to Show’s head for two. Dean has lost his shirt as he comes in to stomp Show down, followed by some knees to the head to give Rollins two. Reigns puts on a chinlock (he’s the only member of the team who could make that work) until Show easily throws him down and makes the tag off to Sheamus.

That means Rollins loses his shirt as well for the ten forearms to the chest. Not to be outdone, Ambrose replaces Sheamus and takes a string of forearms of his own. Reigns breaks up the top rope battering ram though as Orton and Show have been taken down off camera. Orton gets triple teamed and it’s a triple stomp on Sheamus back inside.

Show comes back in with a spear to break up the TripleBomb. Sheamus crawls over to tag Show but Orton tags himself in instead to clean house, including catching a springboarding Rollins in the RKO. Reigns comes in with a spear for the pin at 10:34 with Big Show just watching the pin go down.

Rating: C+. Nice opener here as Shield looked good and are clearly the future. Show turning on his partners doesn’t do anything for me as it happens at least twice a year. Orton and Sheamus were great choices to put in on the team as they can take a loss with no damage and are just good enough that you could see them pulling it off. Shield would have far better matches but that wasn’t the point here.

Post match Show knocks his partners out.

Music video on Rock vs. Cena. Haven’t we already paid for the match at this point? We really don’t need to have it hyped again. The theme here is Rock’s legacy vs. Cena’s redemption.

Ryback vs. Mark Henry

Ryback has been in a free fall since losing his undefeated streak and needs a win to get his momentum back. Henry hasn’t meant much in awhile but is still strong enough to be a threat to anyone. They slug it out to start with Henry as the strong crowd favorite despite being the heel. New York fans are smart you see. Henry runs him over and grabs a powerslam for one.

A “Sexual Chocolate” chant begins and Henry clotheslines him out to the floor before bringing Ryback inside again for some shots to the back. The bearhug doesn’t last long as Henry throws him outside again, only to put the bearhug on again. Just in case Ryback didn’t learn his lesson the first time. Ryback makes his quick comeback with the Meathook clothesline but Henry grabs the rope to break up the Shellshock. The weight makes Ryback collapse and Henry falls on him for the pin at 8:03.

Rating: D. What the heck was that? They’ve set Ryback up as needing a win and they have him lose here? The only answer would be a losing streak to set up a heel turn, because WWE thinks the best way to get someone over as a heel is to have them lose all their matches first. Really weird decision here but WWE had a lot of those.

Post match Ryback hits the Shell Shock. Henry would lose a World Title shot the next night and Ryback would indeed turn heel, leading a series of pay per view title shots. Why they didn’t have Ryback win here, then have Henry answer an open challenge for the title the next night and then let Ryback have his title series as the bigger threat. Instead they did everything backwards because they do a lot of stupid things.

The announcers play with their new toys with JBL making sure to beat up Rey Mysterio.

The WWE is partnering with the Special Olympics.

Some Special Olympians are here with Stephanie McMahon and Chris Christie.

Tag Team Titles: HELL NO vs. Dolph Ziggler/Big E. Langston

HELL NO (Daniel Bryan/Kane) is defending. Langston is Ziggler’s new bodyguard and an awesome powerhouse. The bell rings and Ziggler kisses AJ (Now with him. As Lawler put it, AJ has been on more manhunts than the FBI.) and walks into a kick to the head from Bryan for two in a nice callback. Ziggler bails to the floor and eats a suicide dive followed by the YES kicks. That’s finally enough to send Ziggler over for the tag and Bryan does the same for the power vs. power match.

Langston throws Kane into the corner and powers out of a chokeslam before running Kane over ala Vader. It’s off to Ziggler who misses a splash in the corner and overshoots the Fameasser. Everything breaks down as Langston breaks up a cover, leaving Ziggler to hit the Zig Zag on Kane for two. AJ throws in the Money in the Bank briefcase, only to have Dolph walk into a chokeslam. Bryan adds the top rope headbutt to retain the titles at 6:17.

Rating: C-. Just a step above a Raw match here which is becoming a problem on this show. Things picked up a lot near the end but what are you going to get out of a six minute match? Bryan and Kane were becoming something special and Ziggler would win the World Heavyweight Championship the next night.

WWE works with Make-A-Wish.

Fandango vs. Chris Jericho

Fandango is a dancer (formerly known as Johnny Curtis) making his in ring debut here. It had been teased a few times before but he had declined due to someone pronouncing his name wrong (seriously). Jericho was chosen because he kept messing the name up (“Fan-Danny Devito? Fan-B-I-N-G-O-and Bingo was his name-o!”). Fandango comes out with a bunch of dancers before going to ringside with his main dance partner.

Jericho takes him down to start and pounds away with a very early Codebreaker putting Fandango outside for a big dive. Fandango is staggered but finally comes back with an enziguri to take over. JBL is really not pleased with Fandango posing so much because JBL is far too uncultured to understand the power of dance. A chinlock just seems to re-energize Jericho as he comes back with an enziguri of his own, only to be sent into the post.

Now we get Fandango’s real control as he drops his top rope legdrop for two. Yeah they really just had his finisher get two in his debut. Does that mean it’s still his finisher? Jericho breaks up a second legdrop attempt but the Walls are countered into a small package for the pin at 9:18.

Rating: C. That’s one of the biggest upsets in Wrestlemania history and it really shouldn’t be that big of a surprise given that Jericho was only around to put people over at this point. The extra time helped a bit but everyone knew that a dancing gimmick was only going to go so far, though it did lead to the INSANE rise of Fandangoing (a dance done to the tune of Fandango’s music) that was the hottest thing in the company for about a week, starting the next night.

Clip of the pre-show match.

Another Rock vs. Cena video with fans quoting Rock’s catchphrases. This is the kind of stuff that really needed to be cut for the sake of more match time.

Here’s a montage of Wrestlemania moments set to music from the Rocky movies, leading to P. Diddy coming out for the musical medley. At least it’s shorter than Kid Rock.

We recap Alberto Del Rio vs. Jack Swagger. Del Rio has turned face and won the World Heavyweight Title back in January. Swagger then adopted a new gimmick as the disciple of Zeb Colter (formerly known as Uncle Zebekiah about eighteen years ago), a man who accused ever non-white person of sneaking across the border and being here illegally. The match is a huge culture clash with Swagger wanting to win the title and get rid of Del Rio while Del Rio is standing up for what he believes America is all about. Swagger won the Elimination Chamber to earn this shot.

World Heavyweight Title: Jack Swagger vs. Alberto Del Rio

Swagger is challenging and doesn’t even get an entrance. Did I mention that he had been arrested for DUI and marijuana possession about six weeks before this match? Before the match, Colter rips on New York for being a bunch of people who can’t speak English. Swagger recently broke Ricardo Rodriguez’s ankle but Ricardo limps out here. I had hoped they would get Ricardo deported and then have him make his big return here instead but it’s not that big of a deal.

Swagger bails to the floor to start so Alberto drops him with two boots through the ropes. Back in and a Colter distraction lets Swagger run him over and put on a very quickly broken chinlock. A Vader bomb gets a close two on the champ and Jack drives in some weak shoulders to the ribs. Alberto fires off some clotheslines and even stomps on Colter’s hand, only to have Swagger slam him down to break up the armbreaker attempt.

Swagger finally gets to the point by taking out the leg to set up the Patriot (ankle) Lock. Del Rio easily kicks him away and pounds in forearms to the back, followed by a Backstabber for two. Neither guy can get their submission so Jack settles for a layout powerbomb for two more.

The Patriot Lock goes on but Del Rio takes him down and counters into the armbreaker, only to have Swagger kick the arms away and grab the ankle again. Del Rio gets to the ropes and comes back with the corner enziguri (thankfully limping into it) but has to save Ricardo from Colter. Swagger gets in a few cheap shots but Del Rio grabs the armbreaker back inside for the tap out at 10:30.

Rating: B-. Again the time hurt this but the submission trading with all the counters was really fun stuff. They would have an I Quit match the next month which sounds good on paper, until you realize that Del Rio just beat him by submission here. Del Rio was a good face but for some reason they turned him right back in June. On the other hand, Swagger was dead in the water the second he got arrested which made the match more academic. There were rumors that he was going to win until the arrest, which really does show how much one mistake can screw you up.

WWE supports the National Guard, in case you haven’t been told how awesome the company is in the last half hour.

We recap CM Punk vs. Undertaker, which is mostly about the urn and Paul Bearer’s legacy. Undertaker had been paying tribute to him but Punk interrupted to say that Bearer was lucky enough to not see Undertaker lose his Wrestlemania perfection. Punk spent weeks disrespecting Bearer’s memory with manager Paul Heyman even dressing up like Bearer as a distraction so Punk could beat Undertaker down. Undertaker swore that even if the Streak ended, Punk wouldn’t live to tell about it.

CM Punk vs. Undertaker

Living Colour plays Punk to the ring and Heyman still has the urn. No druids this year but the stage is so close to the fans that you can see hands reaching through the shadows and smoke to try and touch Undertaker. Punk spends the entrance tossing the urn in the air like a ball. Undertaker stalks him into the corner and gets slapped in the face as Punk is trying to win any way he can, including by DQ.

The chokeslam is broken up by a kick to the head so Undertaker takes him to the floor and throws Punk over the timekeeper’s barricade. It’s time to load up the announcers’ table but Undertaker throws him back inside. Old School is broken up as well and Punk actually does his own Old School for a new idea.

Punk starts working on the arm to set up for the Anaconda Vice before throwing him outside for a top rope ax handle. Back in and we hit the chinlock as Heyman talks trash from the floor. Punk makes the eternal mistake of trying the same move twice and crotches himself going for Old School. Heyman breaks up the Taker Dive and Punk gets two off a springboard clothesline.

The Macho Elbow gets the same and Heyman holds up the urn. A quick chokeslam gets two for Undertaker but the big boot is blocked by a leg lariat. They head outside with Punk escaping a Last Ride and kicking Undertaker onto the table. The Macho Elbow doesn’t break the table which had to feel horrible on Punk’s hip and knee. Undertaker beats the count at nine and a half and Punk is shocked. He’s shocked enough that Undertaker grabs Hell’s Gate, only to have Punk roll over into the Anaconda Vice.

In the spot of the match, Undertaker does the situp and stares into Punk’s eyes as the hold is still on. Punk’s confidence is shattered as he looks completely terrified with his best move getting him nowhere. A chokeslam is countered into a bad GTS but Undertaker shrugs it off (to be fair it really didn’t connect) and grabs a Tombstone for two on a hot near fall. They slug it out and there goes the referee.

Punk tries his running knee in the corner but gets countered into the Last Ride. Before he’s dropped, Heyman throws in the urn for a shot to the head and a very close two (done much better with HHH and the sledgehammer at Wrestlemania XVII). The GTS is countered into the Tombstone which is countered into the GTS which is countered into the Tombstone to make it 21-0 at 22:08.

Rating: B+. I liked this better on a second viewing as when I watched live, I never bought the Streak as being in jeopardy. They tried to make the Vice a big deal but at the end of the day, Undertaker does not tap out. Period. Why should I buy this particular submission as having a chance? The urn to the head was a good near fall though and had me closer to thinking it was over than anything in the HHH match two years earlier. Very good match but it never hit the level of the HHH and Shawn editions.

Undertaker poses a lot and retrieves the urn one more time.

Ad for the new Mick Foley DVD.

Here’s a video on Cena wanting his redemption tonight after losing a year ago. This makes over ten minutes spent on these things.

Sports commentator Michelle Beadle is here.

We recap HHH vs. Lesnar II. They fought at Summerslam 2012 with Lesnar making HHH tap out. HHH teased retiring as a result (again taking the focus off Lesnar as the last shot of the show was HHH standing in the ring alone) and after no one bought it, Lesnar attacked Vince and Shawn to set up the rematch here. To make it even more intense, it’s no holds barred with HHH’s career on the line. (which was announced with the same intensity as last year’s Cell match). Just in case you had any doubt that HHH was winning here you see.

At the end of the day though, everyone knew this was all about HHH getting his redemption over Lesnar because Lesnar is the latest monster trying to stop HHH’s precious legacy, even though Lesnar is anything but just another monster. Unfortunately that’s how Lesnar was billed and it made this feud even less interesting. The first match was fine, but this was the least interesting rematch in a long time.

HHH vs. Brock Lesnar

Shawn and Heyman are here as seconds and remember it’s no holds barred. HHH sends him to the floor to start and whips Brock hard into the barricade. You know, the same Brock who destroyed Cena when they fought about a year ago? Well HHH is beating him up a minute into the match. The fans are silent but it’s in awe of the awesomeness I’m sure.

HHH knocks a chair out of Lesnar’s hands but Heyman is smart enough to grab the chair before HHH can get it. A whip into the steps has no effect on Brock as he belly to bellys HHH on the floor (now that’s more like it). HHH gets suplexed through the announcers’ table and Brock is in Beast Mode. Brock throws him onto the pieces of the table and a single glare at Shawn sends him SPRINTING away. Yeah because a Hall of Famer and one of the best ever just isn’t good enough to stand up to Brock the way HHH did.

Back in and a series of suplexes gets a series of two counts. Brock goes after Shawn on the floor but the distraction lets HHH get in a clothesline to put Lesnar in the timekeeper’s area. That goes nowhere though as Brock Germans him again and elbows Shawn in the face. You don’t mess with HHH’s life partner though and he plants Brock with a spinebuster. The Pedigree is countered into an F5 but Shawn comes in for a superkick, only to take the F5 instead.

HHH grabs a quick Pedigree for two but the sledgehammer shot is countered with an F5 for another two. They go outside again with HHH going into the steps, which are then sent inside for more fun. Brock hits him with the steps for two and tells HHH to retire, igniting HHH’s comeback. Cole: “A little flame in the game!” The Kimura (Brock’s arm lock) has HHH in trouble but he breaks it up as the fans want to see a broken arm.

Brock gets it on for the fourth time in a row with his legs wrapped around HHH’s waist, only to get powered into a spinebuster for the break. HHH is MANLY you see. A low blow keeps Brock down and HHH wraps his arm around the post. He crushes Brock’s arm with a chair for good measure and there’s a Kimura from HHH. So he’s a submission guy too. Heyman tries to come in for the save but Shawn superkicks him down. See, Heyman isn’t some big monster that would scare Shawn.

Thankfully Brock doesn’t tap as he lifts HHH up and slams him onto the steps. HHH grabs the hold again so Brock counters it the same way. It worked so well that they do it AGAIN, but since HHH is so smart he counters into a DDT onto the steps. The sledgehammer to the head and a Pedigree onto the steps ends Brock at 23:58.

Rating: B-. This was HHH’s big thank you for putting Lesnar over last year, because a win over HHH means SO much at this point. Let’s recap: HHH is able to beat Brock in a slugout, knows how to do UFC submissions, isn’t a coward like Shawn (that Hall of Fame World Champion), can survive suplexes and F5’s and isn’t hurt by things like Kimuras.

HHH looked like a god here and it was so ridiculous for a long majority of the match. The fans’ silence was so telling as they just did not want to see HHH get his big moment, no matter how much HHH demanded that he get it. Oh and they had ANOTHER match the next month too, stretching their feud to a year. At least HHH was nice enough to put Lesnar over there, because he couldn’t do it here at the show people remember most.

Hall of Fame video, with a STACKED lineup.

Here’s the Class of 2013: Mick Foley, Booker T. (probably the lowest level wrestler in the class), Trish Stratus, Bob Backlund, Donald Trump (booed here but he’s been at five Wrestlemanias now) and the headliner: Bruno Sammartino (so long overdue it’s unreal). If there’s ever been a better class, I’ve yet to see it.

Wrestlemania XXX is in New Orleans.

The new attendance record is announced.

No recap of the main event but I think you get the idea by now.

WWE World Title: John Cena vs. The Rock

Rock is defending. Cena is booed out of the building even worse than he was last year, which I didn’t think was possible. After the big match intros, Cena runs him over with a shoulder to start. Rock nails one of his own and it’s a standoff. They circle each other for a bit as the fans are restless, leaving Cole to explain Rock’s history.

Rock takes over with some right hands and a kick to the face but Cena grabs a belly to belly. A chinlock keeps the match slow until Rock reverses into a sleeper. Cena counters with another suplex and stomps down as JBL actually says Rock and Cena compete in movies. A release fisherman’s suplex gets two on the champ and good grief do something interesting already.

Rock comes back with right hands before ducking a shoulder. The STF is broken up but now some weak shoulders have Rock in trouble. Well they’re certainly doing something now. A much better Sharpshooter has Cena in trouble but he rolls away and hits the ProtoBomb. The Shuffle misses so Cena settles for the STF, only to have Rock reverse into a rollup for two.

Cena catapults him into the corner and now the Shuffle connects. The AA is broken up and Rock plants him with the spinebuster, only to have the People’s Elbow countered into another STF. Rock rolls onto his side and separates Cena’s hands for the break in a good power display. Back up and a Rock Bottom out of nowhere gets two. There’s an AA for two with almost no one buying the near fall.

Rock avoids the top rope Fameasser and scores with the spinebuster into the Elbow for two more. Just like last year, Rock goes up for a cross body but gets caught in the AA, only to slip out and hit the Rock Bottom. Instead of covering though he tries the Shuffle, allowing Cena to hit another AA for two. Cena wins a slugout and Rock Bottoms Rock (BIG reaction for that) but the kickout stuns him all over again.

Just like last year (again), Cena tries the Elbow but is ready for Rock, only to take too much time setting up the AA and getting countered into the Rock Bottom for two. They counter each others’ finishers about five times in a row (with little energy on any of them) until Rock plants him with a DDT. Another Rock Bottom is countered into another AA to give Cena the title back at 24:00.

Rating: B-. While it’s still entertaining, there was almost no emotion in this. It felt like both guys were just going through the motions to get to the obvious ending and that’s not good. As we’ve seen over the years, there are ways to have an entertaining match with an obvious ending but that’s not what happened here. Instead this was a bunch of finishing moves over and over after about ten minutes of nothing to start. It’s still a good enough match, but they really needed more intensity here. At least look like you’re giving it everything you have even if you really aren’t.

One last thing of note: at some point, Rock ripped his abdominal muscle and suffered a hernia. Reports vary about when it happened (ranging from in the opening to the first AA to the final AA) but it’s a major reason why Rock hasn’t had a match since. This is WAY too dangerous for him to be doing when he’s needed on movie sets and it will probably keep him out of the ring for good, save for maybe one more farewell match.

They shake hands post match and say something to each other than the cameras can’t pick up. Cena leaves Rock in the ring to pose until Rock comes up to the stage to raise Cena’s hand and end the show.

Overall Rating: C. In a word, this show was just there. There’s good stuff on it but nothing feels like it matters. Instead we have a bunch of good to decent matches with the crowd (and remember a good chunk of it is a New York crowd) not caring. The last two matches are especially bad about this as they were rematches that people didn’t want to see. The HHH vs. Lesnar rematch was even worse about this as there was no need to have a rematch other than to make HHH look good. Rock vs. Cena wasn’t as bad about that but it also wasn’t as entertaining of a match.

Undertaker vs. Punk is definitely the best match of the show due to the good story behind it and the execution helps even more. I still didn’t believe that Punk was a real threat to the streak but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t entertaining. Punk got in a lot more offense than I was expecting and had some near falls to make it good. There was no way Undertaker was going out in his tribute to Bearer though.

The rest of the card is where the show falls apart. There’s some watchable stuff but so much of it feels like it belongs on Raw. None of the first five matches break eleven minutes and I really didn’t have much interest in seeing Chris Jericho lose to a newcomer, even if it was one of the biggest upsets ever. The first half of this show had the problem of not feeling like a Wrestlemania, which is one of the worst things that can happen. The second half is a huge improvement, but nowhere near enough to make this required viewing.

Ratings Comparison

The Miz vs. Wade Barrett

Original: D+

2014 Redo: C

2015 Redo: D+

Shield vs. Randy Orton/Sheamus/Big Show

Original: B-

2014 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: C+

Ryback vs. Mark Henry

Original: D

2014 Redo: D

2015 Redo: D

Dolph Ziggler/Big E. Langston vs. HELL NO

Original: C

2014 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: C-

Fandango vs. Chris Jericho

Original: D

2014 Redo: C

2015 Redo: C

Jack Swagger vs. Alberto Del Rio

Original: C+

2014 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: B-

Undertaker vs. CM Punk

Original: B

2014 Redo: B

2015 Redo: B+

HHH vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: B+

2014 Redo: B

2015 Redo: B-

John Cena vs. The Rock

Original: C+

2014 Redo: B-

2015 Redo: B-

Overall Rating

Original: B-

2014 Redo: B

2015 Redo: C

There’s good stuff in there but it’s swimming with an anchor.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/04/07/wrestlemania-xxix-and-so-it-ends/

And the 2014 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2014/04/05/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-xxix-redo-twice-in-a-lifetime/

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Wrestlemania XXVI
Date: March 28, 2010
Location: University of Phoenix Stadium, Glendale, Arizona
Attendance: 72,219
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Matt Striker

In addition to the two main events, there’s a third big match that people never thought would actually happen. Back on January 4, 2010, Bret Hart returned to the company for the first time in over twelve years. After burying the hatchet with Shawn Michaels, there was only one score left to settle: Vince McMahon. Therefore, it’s Bret vs. Vince, naturally in a no holds barred match. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Battle Royal

Mark Henry, Shad Gaspard, JTG, Goldust, Yoshi Tatsu, Santino Marella, Primo, Kung Fu Naki, Slam Master J., Jimmy Wang Yang, Chris Masters, Vladimir Kozlov, Great Khali, Finlay, William Regal, Luke Gallows, Carlito, Tyler Reks, Zack Ryder, Lance Archer, Mike Knox, Caylen Croft, Trent Barretta, Tyson Kidd, David Hart-Smith, Chavo Guerrero

Gaspard and JTG are Cryme Tyme, Tatsu is a talented Japanese wrestler who didn’t go anywhere, Slam Master J. is Jesse in a bad rap gimmick, Kozlov is a Russian mixed martial arts fighter, Gallows is a big power guy, Reks is a surfer, Archer is another big power guy, Croft and Barretta are a team called the Dudebusters and Hart-Smith is Kidd’s partner in the Hart Dynasty. The NXT rookies (from back when NXT was a competition) are watching from the stage.

Primo and J. are sent out in the first thirty seconds but the ring is still really full. Henry puts out the Dudebusters and Chavo, only to get dumped by Khali. As you might expect, a bunch of people get together to put Khali out as well. Cryme Tyme gets together to put out Gallows but Shad eliminates JTG. Things settle down for a change but there are still too many people in there.

Ryder and Funaki save themselves from elimination. Masters catches Finlay in the Masterlock, only to get kicked in the face to put Chris out. Kozlov gets rid of the Hart Dynasty but Knox gets rid of Kozlov. Funaki and Goldust are out next with Regal putting Gaspard out a few seconds later. Finlay dumps Regal and Ryder eliminates Reks. We’re down to Santino, Tatsu, Yang, Ryder, Finlay, Archer, Carlito and Knox. The fans get behind Santino and he brings out the Cobra to clean house, only to get dumped by Finlay, making him the most hated man in the stadium.

Yang fires off some nice kicks to Archer but he’s quickly eliminated, as is Archer via a kick from Tatsu. To show how annoying Striker can get with nicknames, he calls Tatsu “the Poison Fist of the Pacific Rim.” Uh, sure. Hornswoggle makes his annual appearance to throw Finlay the shillelagh. Knox gets knocked out and there’s a tadpole splash, followed by Carlito being tossed. Ryder dumps Knox and Finlay from behind but Ryder goes after Hornswoggle, allowing Tatsu to kick him out for the win at 8:34.

Rating: D+. This would be the traditional not great battle royal but it was cool to see someone young getting a win for a change. You could see a lot of new names showing up around the company, though a lot of them really never went anywhere. Unfortunately that would include Tatsu, who never went much higher than this, partially due to ECW not being around to take away some of the roster spots.

We open with another fly over.

Fantasia (from American Idol) sings America the Beautiful.

The set is a big pyramid made of Titantron screens. It’s another cool idea.

The opening video talks about how many people spent their lives reaching this night but now the page turns. For some it’s a new story and for some it’s the end. Tonight is their chance to earn their moment, which would become the most important thing Wrestlemania offered in years to come.

There’s a really cool miniature cylinder that lowers from the ceiling before every match with the Titantron video playing.

Tag Team Titles: R-Truth/John Morrison vs. The Miz/Big Show

R-Truth is a rapper still around today and is challenging along with Morrison. Miz is US Champion and there are still four Tag Team Title belts a year after the titles were unified. The champs have their themes put together and it really doesn’t work. Miz and Morrison get things going with John scoring off a slam before it’s off to Truth.

That’s about it for the good times though as Show comes in and throws Truth across the ring. Morrison gets knocked off the apron but he’s still able to kick Show off the middle rope to save Truth. Back to Miz vs. Morrison as Truth stupidly dives at Show, earning himself a ram into the post. Morrison rolls out of the Skull Crushing Finale and into a nice rollup for two, only to have Show knock him cold to retain at 3:26.

Rating: D. Well they made good time. I’m not sure why they got out of there so fast but maybe the rest of the show was running long. It’s not like this was missing much by turning it into a Raw match so it’s acceptable. The tag division was getting stagnant again but at least Miz was flying up the charts.

Video on Wrestlemania week in Phoenix.

Randy Orton vs. Ted DiBiase vs. Cody Rhodes

These three were part of a group called Legacy but the young guys (Ted Jr. and Cody if that’s not clear) rebelled, basically turning Randy face again in the process. This is officially a triple threat but it starts as a glorified handicap match. Rhodes gets clotheslined to the floor so Orton can stomp Ted down. The numbers quickly catch up with him though and the double stomping begins to some INSANE booing.

They take turns holding Orton so the other can get in some right hands, followed by a double suplex. A DiBiase clothesline stops Orton’s comeback but as is the case in almost every triple threat match ever, the two who work together get in a fight over who gets the pin. They fight to the floor and the crowd is suddenly much more silent. Striker: “Perhaps a future Wrestlemania main event right here.”

Orton makes his comeback and Rhodes takes out DiBiase by mistake. Striker says that’s Wrestlemania experience. Most people would call it wrestling experience in general but Striker is the professional. The double elevated DDT, which Cole has never seen before (certainly not at Wrestlemania), takes Rhodes and DiBiase down. The Punt knocks Rhodes out and the RKO ends DiBiase at 9:01.

Rating: C. So much for Rhodes and DiBiase. Cody would be fine but DiBiase never did anything in WWE after this (to be fair he hadn’t done much in the first place). Orton was on fire again as his style and finisher are way too easy to cheer, yet for some reason WWE insists on making him a heel, even though the crowd is almost always going to turn him back.

Vickie Guerrero and her fellow heel divas promise to win their ten Divas tag. Jillian Hall (now a horrible singer, which may have been designed to make fun of Brooke Hogan) comes in to sing Simply the Best. All of the other women leave so here’s Santino for a Slim Jim commercial. He takes a bite and Jillian becomes Mae Young. Another bite turns her into Gene Okerlund (in the same dress) and a third turns Okerlund into Melina. No more biting as Santino leaves with another good looking woman.

Kofi Kingston vs. MVP vs. Evan Bourne vs. Jack Swagger vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Matt Hardy vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Drew McIntyre vs. Kane vs. Christian

Money in the Bank with TEN ENTRANTS. Thankfully they would split it up next year where they went with two eight man versions. Bourne is a high flier, Swagger is a really good amateur wrestler, Ziggler has gone from nothing to a solid midcarder, McIntyre is an arrogant young Scottish wrestler and the Intercontinental Champion and Kane has a black eye for reasons that aren’t explained.

Standard wild brawl to start with MVP throwing in a ladder but Drew intercepts it and climbs until Matt makes the save. Seven guys all try to climb the same ladder to predictable results. Bourne gets chokeslammed over the top and down onto a bunch of people. Kofi knocks the ladder over to send Drew and Matt into the top rope. Now it’s Christian going up but Ziggler runs up and pulls him down, which is called a Zig Zag. That’s quite the stretch.

MVP knocks Kane to the floor but walks into Pay Dirt (jumping downward spiral) from Shelton. Swagger uses the top of the ladder to stop some climbs until Bourne drops him as well. Christian and Matt bring in ladders and slide them into the rings of the one standing, creating two platforms and crushing Swagger in the middle in the process. They climb up onto the platforms while Bourne is on the side of the ladder and this isn’t ending well.

Swagger shoves Matt’s ladder away and Bourne breaks up a Killswitch onto the platform by knocking Christian face first into the ladder. Instead of going for the case, Evan hits Air Bourne (shooting star) and then tries to go up, allowing Matt to hiptoss him to the mat in a huge crash. Swagger shoves Matt onto the bridged ladder but gets pulled down by MVP. Shelton and MVP fight to the floor where Kane takes them both out with a ladder.

Back in and Kane shoves the ladder over to drop Ziggler before throwing the ladder away. He’s not done though as Ziggler gets chokeslammed onto another ladder and then crushed inside of it. Kane crushes him so much that he breaks the ladder in two. Kofi is back in with Trouble in Paradise but now he has no ladder (because getting another of the more than half dozen on the floor is out of the question) so he gets an idea.

Kingston picks up both halves of the ladder and uses them as stilts, only to have McIntyre break it up because the stilts idea, while VERY creative, is also kind of stupid. Matt stops Drew’s attempt by crotching him on the top rope but Christian goes up to slow Hardy. They both have to knock Kane off, followed by a reverse DDT from Christian to put them both down. Christian goes back up but Swagger knocks him down and pulls down the briefcase (taking his sweet time to do so) for the win at 13:44.

Rating: C+. This is the weakest of the Money in the Banks that they’ve had yet and again it’s due to having so many people. In the last five minutes of this match, several people just disappeared while everyone else did their thing. If you’re not going to do anything with most of the people, stop having them in the match and put them in a match somewhere else on the card.

Swagger would become one of the weaker World Champions of all time, which is a big reason why he’s in the spot he’s in five years later. Instead of being a solid midcarder, he’s that guy who used to be World Champion and has fallen this far. It’s a major problem with something like Money in the Bank: instead of building someone else up, someone jumps to the title scene but doesn’t have any roots to support them. It happened with Swagger and it would happen again later.

Extreme Rules ad.

Hall of Fame, with Ted DiBiase headlining. He called this one of the few moments you can’t put a price on and made $100 bills fall from the ceiling, even though that’s not something he would have done in his day.

The Class of 2010 includes Stu Hart (represented by most of his kids), Wendi Richter, Mad Dog Vachon (in a wheelchair), Antonio Inoki, Bob Uecker (he deserves it), Gorgeous George (represented by his wife) and Ted DiBiase. It’s a bit of a smaller class this year which is something they need to address in the future. Something they don’t need to address is the awesome music that plays for this every year. It’s really good stuff.

We recap Sheamus vs. HHH. Sheamus won the Raw World Title in December 2009 in a huge upset but then lost it at No Way Put 2010 when HHH eliminated him in the Elimination Chamber for his first loss (assuming you ignore ECW). Sheamus wanted to fight HHH one on one at Wrestlemania to prove that the pin in the Chamber was a fluke. HHH compared Sheamus to himself back in 1996 when he tried to fight Ultimate Warrior and got crushed (you almost never hear about that anymore). It’s a simple story here but one that has worked for years.

Sheamus vs. HHH

They circle each other to start and HHH slaps him in the face. An early Pedigree attempt doesn’t work so it’s a suplex and knee drop for two instead. Sheamus’ attempt to bail outside doesn’t work as HHH drags him back in for a Figure Four because we haven’t praised Flair recently enough. Sheamus grabs the ropes and takes it outside for a whip into the steps as Striker tries to dub HHH the Ace of Spades.

Two straight Irish Curse backbreakers put HHH down as the match slows a lot. An ax handle gets two and some simple right hands to the face get the same. We hit the chinlock because this is the point in a WWE style match where you would put on a chinlock. After a powerslam, Sheamus grabs an armbar. Dude come on. HHH fights up out of the devastating armbar (because nothing else had been done to his arm) and grabs a DDT.

The high knee and facebuster get two but Sheamus counters the Pedigree into the Brogue Kick for two (of course HHH gets to be one of if not the first person to kick out of it). After the spinebuster sends Sheamus to the apron, another Brogue Kick drops HHH. No cover though as HHH pops up and hits the Pedigree for the pin at 12:10.

Rating: C+. Good power match here, assuming you ignore HHH kicking out of one of Sheamus’ finishers (to be fair it wasn’t his big finisher yet, as a Razor’s Edge called the High Cross was still his go to move) and get the pin that he didn’t need. Sheamus would win the rematch at Extreme Rules 2010 in the standard formula: HHH wins the big match on the big stage but loses the rematch as a consolation prize.

We recap Rey Mysterio vs. CM Punk. Mysterio had cost Punk a spot in Money in the Bank so Punk and his Straight Edge Society (a stable led by Punk as a near religious figure who would save them from their lives of addiction by the powers of a straight edge lifestyle) went after Rey, including interrupting Rey bringing his daughter into the ring on her birthday. Rey wouldn’t fight with his family there so Punk branded him a coward. The match was set for Wrestlemania and if Rey loses, he has to join the Straight Edge Society.

CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio

Punk has Luke Gallows and Serena (a talented wrestler who rarely got in the ring in WWE) with him. Before the match, Punk accuses the 70,000+ people here of being on drugs or alcohol, thinking it would make all of their problems go away. After tonight’s win, Punk will see all these people join him as one nation under Punk with sobriety for all. This year Rey is dressed as one of the aliens from Avatar which didn’t work all that well as it looked like his normal attire outside of the piece of black hair on the back of his mask.

Punk (with G.I. Joe themed trunks) jumps him from behind to start as Striker says Punk’s mind is a vile pigsty. Rey gets caught in the Tree of Woe but pulls himself up to avoid a baseball slide, sending Punk up against the post. That’s not enough to slow Punk down though as he drops Rey face first onto the steps and puts on a chinlock. Rey gets up but his springboard cross body is caught in a belly to belly for two.

Punk holds him down with a test of strength grip until Rey fights up and springboards to the top for a moonsault into a DDT (that looked way better than I was expecting). Another moonsault is caught in the GTS (Go To Sleep) but Rey grabs the rope to save himself. Rey kicks him down and tries a frog splash but Punk sits up just in time. Back up and Serena saves Punk from a 619, only to have it connect a few seconds later, setting up the springboard splash for the pin at 6:30.

Rating: C. This could have been good with some more time but there’s only so much you can do for a big match in less than seven minutes. The Straight Edge Society was a cool concept and had a lot of potential but they lost almost every important match they had, which ultimately led to the stable falling apart.

We recap Bret vs. Vince. As mentioned earlier, Bret returned on the January 4, 2010 Monday Night Raw and seemed to make peace with Vince, only to have Vince kick him low. Eventually Bret broke his leg in a car wreck backstage which was finally enough for Vince to sign for the match. Bret agreed to wrestle with the injury after being called a coward. Vince signed the contract and gloated, but as he turned around, Bret’s cast was on the table and his leg was just fine. You would think seeing Bret goldbricking for years would have taught Vince something but no one ever seemed to get the idea.

Bret Hart vs. Vince McMahon

Anything goes. For reasons that I’ll never understand, they remixed Bret’s music for his return. Bret is in jean shorts here because this is going to be a fight instead of a match. Before the match, Vince says Bret deserves a Wrestlemania sized screwing. Therefore, he’s paid to have the Hart Family at ringside (well at least the ones that will talk to him) as lumberjacks and Bret’s brother Bruce (in sunglasses of course) is going to be guest referee.

We’re still not ready to go though because Bret says that the Harts were on to Vince in the first place and it’s Vince that is going to get screwed. Bret slugs him out to the floor to start and the Hart Dynasty gives him a Hart Attack off the top. Back in and Bret starts in on the knee, sending Vince bailing to the floor. He can’t quite get underneath the ring but does find a crowbar.

Bret punches it out of his hand though and beats on him for a bit, followed by stomping away at the “lower abdomen”. Someone throws Bret a chair so he can have a seat for a bit. Bret beats on him with the chair for a good while and Vince appears to be in shock. The Sharpshooter finally makes Vince tap at 11:09.

Rating: A. This was all it needed to be and exactly what people were expecting. Neither guy is a wrestler anymore so having the Hart Family, especially Kidd and Hart-Smith, helped a good bit. There was never any doubt as to what this was going to be and while it went a bit longer than it needed to, it did everything it needed to.

Wrestlemania XXVII is in Atlanta. Cole promises a great guest host.

The attendance is 72,219, again not announced as a record.

We recap Edge vs. Chris Jericho. They had been the Tag Team Champions in June 2009 but Edge had destroyed his Achilles and put him on the shelf for a very long time. He returned early at the 2010 Royal Rumble to win in a major surprise. Edge immediately chose to challenge Jericho for the Smackdown World Title because they suddenly hated each other, even though there wasn’t a very strong reason for them to. Edge threatened to spear Jericho over and over again which was really the only thing he said during the buildup.

Smackdown World Title: Chris Jericho vs. Edge

Jericho is defending and shoulders Edge down to start before Edge charges into a boot in the corner. The early threat of a spear sends Jericho bailing to the floor but he avoids a baseball slide and hits one of his own to put Edge on the floor. Striker name drops Sexton Hardcastle (Edge’s pre-WWE name) as Jericho puts on a chinlock. Back up and gets draped over the top rope, only to knock Jericho off the apron and into the announcers’ table.

That goes nowhere so Jericho rolls through a high cross body for two. They’re really not burning the place up out there. The Walls and Codebreaker are both blocked but the spear is countered into the Walls for our first big spot. Edge rolls out of that as well and gets two off a small package. The Lionsault misses and the Edge-O-Matic gets two more. Jericho walks into the Impaler for the same but Edge is winded.

With Edge in trouble, Jericho loads up a spear of his own (Striker: “WHAT A GENIUS MOVE!”) only to charge into a boot to the face. Edge tries his own spear but runs into a one knee Codebreaker for two. Jericho starts in on the ankle before putting on the Walls. He gets smarter though and goes with a single leg crab which really cranks on the ankle. Edge gets to the ropes because it’s just a half crab so Jericho goes to get the belt. As you would expect, the referee is bumped a few seconds later and the belt shot gets two on Edge. The Codebreaker connects for the clean(ish) pin to retain the title at 15:48.

Rating: B-. This took some time but was really getting going near the end. Again though, it feels like it got cut off short and that’s getting annoying tonight. At least it worked while it lasted, especially for one of Edge’s first major matches back. This is still a weird feud but since it’s WWE, you know this isn’t ending with one match.

Post match Edge goes after Jericho again and throws him on the announcers’ table. A big run down the tables sets up a spear to drive Jericho through the barricade and set up a rematch. That would have worked a lot better if the pin had come off the belt shot instead of the Codebreaker.

We look at the pre-show battle royal because the matches haven’t been cut short enough already.

Maryse/Michelle McCool/Alicia Fox/Layla/Vickie Guerrero vs. Eve Torres/Beth Phoenix/Mickie James/Kelly Kelly/Gail Kim

Michelle is Women’s Champion and Maryse is Divas Champion. All of the villains save for Vickie bail to start, leaving her to face Beth. Vickie gets beaten up in the corner to start but Michelle makes the save with a Faithbreaker (Styles Clash) to Kelly. Everyone comes in and it’s time for a parade of finishers until it’s only Beth left standing against Vickie. Michelle saves the praying Guerrero and lays out Beth. Kelly is still down so Vickie goes up top (again with help from Michelle and Layla) for a “hog splash” and the pin at 3:26.

Rating: D. Well at least it was quick. The Divas were in a weird place here as they were trying to find a new top name but everyone was kind of getting lost in the shuffle. Laycool (Layla and Michelle) were trying but they needed some top stars. Kelly eventually became the main star, even though she was just a model who could only kind of work a match. Anyway, this was a nothing match that was only there for the Vickie stuff, which was another problem around this time.

We recap Batista vs. John Cena. Batista had helped the McMahons out of a few jams so he was granted a title shot at Cena’s Raw World Title right after Cena had won the title in the Elimination Chamber. This turned into a feud over who was the bigger star in the last five years because Batista thought he should be the face of the company. Batista had won their first major showdown at Summerslam 2008 but Cena said he was here because he loves it instead of for the money like Batista did.

Raw World Title: Batista vs. John Cena

Batista is defending and you can feel how big this really is. Cena is introduced by the United States Air Force Honor Guard Drill Team. The fans aren’t exactly thrilled with Cena but that’s the standard anymore. They do the big power lockup to start and Cena actually takes him down with a headlock. That goes nowhere so Batista fights up and hits a clothesline to the back of the head to take over.

Batista gets into his gloating power offense but Cena grabs a quick suplex to get a breather. An early AA attempt is countered into a DDT for two and now Batista gets his real advantage. We hit the chinlock with a body scissors (Striker: “Look at this potential submission hold!” Just stop. Please.) but Cena fights up and wins a slugout, only to get caught in a neckbreaker. Now we get the real Cena comeback with all his usual stuff, including the STF which sends Batista crawling to the ropes. A quick spear gets two for the champ and both guys are down.

They head to the top for a test of strength on the ropes (that’s a new one) until Cena headbutts him to the mat. A top rope Shuffle looks to set up the AA but Batista counters into the Batista Bomb for two. Another AA attempt is countered into a reverse suplex but Cena counters into a tilt-a-whirl slam, only to muscle Batista up into an AA for a really close near fall. Cena goes up top again for the Fameasser but dives into a spinebuster (Striker: “That’s how he broke his neck the last time!” No it wasn’t Striker.). Another Batista Bomb is countered into the STF and Batista taps at 13:30 to make Cena a nine time World Champion.

Rating: B+. That’s the only kind of match these two needed to have as they’re just beating the heck out of each other the whole way with big move after big move. It’s also a big stadium style match which almost always makes for a really good atmosphere. Much like the build, I’m not sure what else there is to say here. It’s Cena vs. Batista at Wrestlemania. You really don’t need any more of an explanation.

We recap the main event, which all stems from last year. Shawn’s loss has eaten at him for a year now and he has to beat Undertaker to exercise his demons once and for all. Undertaker wouldn’t fight him again so Shawn cost him the World Title at No Way Out 2010. That was enough for the match to be made but Undertaker wanted Shawn’s career on the line. Shawn agreed because if he can’t beat Undertaker, he doesn’t want to wrestle anymore.

Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels

No DQ and no countout. Shawn just walks down but Undertaker makes his big entrance by rising up through the stage. Shawn breaks up the staredown with a throat slit of his own so Undertaker pounds on him in the corner early. Snake Eyes and the big boot set up Old School but Undertaker might have tweaked his knee. Shawn goes right after the knee to break up a chokeslam and starts in on the arm for some reason. Striker: “Shawn Michaels is very adept at submission grappling.” For the love of all things good and holy will someone SHUT HIM UP???

The threat of Sweet Chin Music sends Undertaker up against the ropes and it’s back to the knee. Undertaker knocks him to the floor and teases the Taker Dive but Shawn charges back in and grabs the leg. A reverse Figure Four doesn’t work and Shawn is sent into the post to keep Undertaker in control. The apron legdrop is a pretty stupid move and Shawn slaps on the Figure Four.

Undertaker does the sit up and turns it over so Shawn immediately breaks. At least he’s smart enough to let go as so many other people just let it stay on forever. Since Shawn let go so fast, his knee is good enough for the forearm and nipup, only to walk into a chokeslam for two. The Tombstone doesn’t work as Shawn crawls down Undertaker’s body and grabs an ankle lock, complete with a grapevine.

Undertaker gets Shawn on his back and kicks him in the face to break it up (Shawn’s stunned look is great). The big man heads outside but has to catch Shawn’s springboard cross body, countering it into a Tombstone on the floor. Somehow that only gets two so it’s a Last Ride but Shawn counters with an X Factor/Undertaker’s leg gives out (some combination of both) to give Michaels two. The top rope elbow hits knees and thankfully Undertaker’s knees are more banged up than Shawn.

Hell’s Gate goes on out of nowhere but Shawn counters into a rollup for two in an awesome reversal. Sweet Chin Music is good for two more. Another superkick is blocked and now the Last Ride connects for a big near fall. Striker: “We’ve auditioned our entire lives for this moment!” It’s time to load up the announcers’ table but the Last Ride is escaped and Undertaker takes Sweet Chin Music onto the table. Shawn’s moonsault onto the table only hits Undertaker’s legs and both guys are done.

Back in and Shawn hits Sweet Chin Music as well as he can but Undertaker kicks out again. Yet another attempt at the superkick is countered into a chokeslam. Undertaker’s knee won’t let him cover so it’s a Tombstone for two, even with Undertaker’s tongue sticking out. There go the straps and Undertaker tells Shawn to stay down. Shawn is on his knees and does another throat slit, admitting that he just can’t do it. Undertaker doesn’t move so Shawn slaps him in the face, triggering a jumping Tombstone to end Shawn’s career at 24:01.

Rating: A. It’s not an A+ because it’s just a hair beneath last year but sweet goodness this is amazing. The leg work made for a good story and the symbolism of the second throat slit was perfect. Shawn going out at Wrestlemania really was the only way to go about it and this was the kind of match he deserved to go out on. Outstanding stuff from one of the best big match performers ever.

That isn’t to take away from Undertaker though, who continues to take this Streak and his career to places that never seemed possible before. Ever since that Batista match it’s been classic after classic in an amazing career resurgence. Undertaker ending Shawn’s career was great and the jumping Tombstone made it even better. This was more than just trading finishers as the story told of Undertaker trying to hang on and Shawn fighting for everything he had and just not being good enough. This was great stuff and another classic.

Undertaker poses and helps Shawn up. Shawn soaks in all the cheers and takes his time going up the aisle, shaking a lot of hands. Shawn: “I’m going to drive my kids crazy in three weeks!” After applauding the fans, Shawn walks off to end the show.

Overall Rating: A-. This is a heck of a show with the double main event taking up the last fourth of the show. There’s nothing too terrible on here save for the opener and Divas match which combined to be less than seven minutes in the ring. Some of the stuff in the middle isn’t great but it’s certainly good enough to get by. This was another really good show as Wrestlemania is on a hot streak. Well save for XXV of course.

Ratings Comparison

Awesome Truth vs. ShoMiz

Original: D

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo:

Randy Orton vs. Ted DiBiase vs. Cody Rhodes

Original: D+

2013 Redo: C

Christian vs. Matt Hardy vs. Kane vs. Jack Swagger vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Drew McIntyre vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. MVP vs. Evan Bourne

Original: B

2013 Redo: C+

HHH vs. Sheamus

Original: B-

2013 Redo: C+

CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio

Original: B-

2013 Redo: C

Mr. McMahon vs. Bret Hart

Original: A+

2013 Redo: A+

Edge vs. Chris Jericho

Original: A-

2013 Redo: B

Beth Phoenix/Kevin Kelly/Mickie James/Gail Kim/Eve Torres vs. Vickie Guerrero/Alicia Fox/Laycool/Maryse

Original: F

2013 Redo: D

John Cena vs. Batista

Original: A

2013 Redo: B+

Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: A+

2013 Redo: A+

Overall Rating

Original: A

2013 Redo: B+

Dang and I liked it even better on the first view. I might have been closer to right a few years back.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/04/03/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-26-john-cena-vs-batista-do-you-need-more/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/04/04/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-xxvi-goodbye-mr-wrestlemania/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

 

Royal Rumble 2013
Date: January 27, 2013
Location: US Airways Center, Phoenix, Arizona
Attendance: 13,00
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

This show was only a year ago and I can barely remember anything about it. Aside from the Rumble the big matches are the Rock challenging CM Punk for the WWE Title in the most obvious ending ever and Alberto Del Rio defending his newly won World Heavyweight Championship against Big Show in a last man standing match. Other than that we’ve only got HELL NO vs. the Rhodes Scholars to complete the card. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: US Title: The Miz vs. Antonio Cesaro

Cesaro is defending. This is just after Flair passed the Figure Four to Miz, starting the worst period of his career. Miz grabs a headlock to start and gets two off an elbow to the jaw. The headlock takes Cesaro down to the mat but he fights up and grabs one of his own. Back up and Miz tries a leapfrog but gets caught in midair with a tikt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. The champion takes over and cranks on both of Miz’s arms before getting two off a Michinoku Driver.

A hard European uppercut sets up the gutwrench suplex for two and it’s back to the double arm. Back up again and Miz slips out of a slam and hooks the Reality Check for two. There’s the running clothesline in the corner and Miz goes up but hurts his knee on the top rope ax handle. Cesaro gets caught with his feet on the ropes, allowing Miz to get two off a rollup. Antonio misses a running knee in the corner but is still able to roll away from the Figure Four. Cesar takes him to the floor and rams Miz into the metal underneath the ring. Miz is out cold so Cesaro Neutralizes him for the pin to retain.

Rating: D+. Miz just doesn’t work in a lot of these matches and the Figure Four doesn’t work in the slightest. Thankfully he wouldn’t be featured very prominently for awhile as there was just nothing to him for the most part. Cesaro still needs to get a push as he’s more talented and marketable than half the roster but instead we get people like Miz.

The opening video is about time passing and how no one has enough. This ties into Punk’s time as champion with Rock saying the reign ends tonight.

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Alberto Del Rio

Last man standing match, which is a rematch with the same stipulations from when Alberto won the title a few weeks ago. Del Rio turned the announce table on top of Big Show so Big Show turned it on top of him a few weeks later. Alberto is shown in the back and he runs into Bret Hart for no apparent reason whatsoever. Bret says Alberto reminds him of a Mexican version of himself. Alberto calls Bret a Canadian Del Rio and Ricardo gushes, earning him Bret’s sunglasses. What a bizarre cameo.

Some hard chops have Del Rio in early trouble and a slam gets a five count. Alberto chops away but jumps off the middle rope right into a chop to change control right back. The champion dropkicks the giant’s knee out but the low superkick actually knocks Big Show up from his knees to his feet. A hurricanrana and a seated senton put Big Show down and Alberto gets a breather. It’s amazing how much more intersting Del Rio is by doing this lucha stuff instead of his arm work. The arm stuff is good but this is such a nice change of pace.

Big Show blocks the armbreaker with one arm and slams Del Rio down, sending him outside. Del Rio gets back in as Big Show gets a chair but the champion dropkicks him in the ribs to knock it out of his hands. A series of chair shots (crowd: “SI! SI! SI!”) has Big Show down but Alberto dives into a chokeslam for an eight count. We head outside again with Del Rio getting chopped to the floor with ease. This is a very slow paced match so far.

A pair of low blows puts Big Show down in the aisle but he’s up at nine. Show hits something resembling a DDT on the floor before sending Del Rio into the set. He rips a piece of the set, resembling a light tube, and blasts Del Rio over the back. Since this is WWE there’s a table readily available and Big Show takes the champion on top of the set for a chokeslam through the table. The bump looked awesome but he’s again on his feet at nine.

The beating takes Del Rio back to the ring and Show loads up the WMD. Alberto sees it coming and rolls outside, only to have Big Show throw Ricardo around for fun. Big Show misses a charge through the barricade (clearly heavily padded) for five but a long series of chair shots has him down again. Del Rio crushes the arm between the steps and a chair, but Alberto follows up with a fire extinguisher blast to the face for no apparent reason. Back in and the armbreaker goes on, but Ricardo ups the ante by duct taping Big Show’s legs to the ropes. The giant can’t get up and Alberto retains the title.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t the worst match in the world but it was very slowly paced and the ending made Del Rio look more clever than tough. It also doesn’t help that the match was the same gimmick they did less than a month ago. Face Alberto was a nice guy but they cut the cord just six months after this. Not bad, but Del Rio winning the title here would have been much better.

Send Slim Jims to the military!

Ziggler isn’t worried about being in the Rumble and AJ threatens Matt Striker with Big E. Langston for implying Ziggler can’t win. Langston does one of the most mind blowing imitations of an annoying reporter while asking Ziggler for his thoughts on the main event. Dolph has little of note to say but no one was hearing him after Big E.’s bit anyway.

Cesaro says he’ll continue the streak of non-Americans winning the Rumble.

The Prime Time Players……WE’RE GETTING RUMBLE PROMOS!!!! Anyway they say anyone that thinks they’ll eliminate either of them is getting a penalty flag.

Orton says he’s perfect for the Rumble because it’s every man for himself.

Cena is ready for the Rumble because it means he can be champion again.

Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett says he’ll restore credability to the Rumble.

Sheamus says he won the Rumble last year and he’ll do it again tonight.

Ryback isn’t any catchphrase and he doesn’t eat Fruity Pebbles, but he’ll see food every 90 seconds. Feed him more.

We recap Miz vs. Cesaro on the pre-show.

Tag Titles: HELL NO vs. Rhodes Scholars

The Scholars are challenging. Cody kicks Bryan in the ribs as Cole references Queen lyrics. Bryan spins out of a wristlock and the fans chant for Cody’s mustache. Cody’s leapfrog is countered into a surfboard and it’s off to Kane for a low dropkick and a two count. Rhodes scores with a dropkick of his own and drives Kane into the corner for the tag off to Sandow. Kane easily powers Sandow into the corner because, you know, he’s Damien Sandow and it’s off to Bryan for the YES Kicks.

JBL rants about Cole and Lawler hugging as Kane kicks Sandow in the face, knocking him out to the floor. The FLYING GOAT takes out the challengers but Cody low bridges Bryan to the floor to take over. Back in and a half crab has Daniel in trouble but he reverses into a small package to escape. Damien comes in again and drops an elbow for two before dropping the Wind-Up Elbow.

After some knees to the back it’s Cody in again but he charges into a boot in the corner. Sandow breaks up a hot tag attempt and Cody puts Bryan in an over the shoulder backbreaker. Daniel slides down to escape and makes the tag to Kane. Sandow is tossed around like a rag doll but a Cody distraction prevents the top rope clothesline. Kane grabs both guys by the throat and Bryan tags himself in. The Scholars double suplex Kane but Bryan shoves Cody into a chokeslam and Daniel YES Locks Sandow to retain.

Rating: C. Nothing you wouldn’t see on Raw around this time which means it was fine. The Scholars were a nice idea for a team but it was clear that they had no chance at this point given how low their individual stocks were. Kane and Bryan gelled perfectly well as a team and Bryan would get far bigger very soon.

Rumble By The Numbers which I’ve typed many times already.

HELL NO celebrates in the back when Vickie Guerrero comes up and gives them their Rumble numbers. Daniel shows Kane his but Kane won’t show Bryan. This leads to penis jokes.

We look at the Royal Rumble Fan Fest which is another name for Axxess. This included a tournament of NXT wrestlers for a spot in the Rumble, won by Bo Dallas.

Royal Rumble

Ziggler is #1 which he picked (the other option was #2) after winning a Beat the Clock Challenge on Raw. Dolph says he’ll win and doesn’t care who he faces first, bringing out a returning Chris Jericho at #2. This was a complete shock and the roof is blown off the building. Also remember that Ziggler beat Jericho to send him out of the company to give us some history. The clock is at 90 seconds between entrants this year.

Jericho is quickly sent to the apron but comes back with a top rope ax handle. Now it’s Dolph on the apron as the fans tell Jericho he still has it. When did Jericho ever come close to losing it? A superplex brings Ziggler back into the ring and Cody Rhodes is in at #3. Jericho hammers away on him but Ziggler gets in a cheap shot as the double teaming begins. Chris knocks Ziggler down and puts Cody in the Walls but Dolph makes the save.

Dolph catapults Jericho throat first into the bottom rope as Kofi Kingston is in at #4. Kofi immediately speeds things up and pounds away on Cody but can’t hit Ziggy with Trouble in Paradise. Ziggler is thrown to the apron and all four guys try to eliminate each other at the same time in the same spot. Santino Marella is #5 and he sends all four to the apron before loading up the Cobra. Everybody is back in and even though Santino takes Kofi down with the sock, it’s Cody backdropping Marella out.

Drew McIntyre of 3MB is #6 and gets to fight Kofi as everyone else takes a breather. Back up and it’s time to lay on the ropes while trying to eliminate people. Jericho is sent over the ropes but he keeps his feet off the ground and gets back in. Titus O’Neil is in at #7 to add some power, including taking Cody and Kofi down with a double clothesline. Cole finally tells us that the bark is a shout out to his fraternity from Florida. Thank you for explaining that to us after two years.

Jericho throws out McIntyre but can’t do the same to Ziggler as Goldust is #8. Cody gets ready for the showdown and the fans are WAY into this. They trade the kneeling uppercuts and Goldie stomps on Cody for a bit. The fans chant for Goldust and it’s David Otunga (remember him?) is in at #9. The announcers ignore the match to talk about the commentators being in the Rumble last year as people start to pair off.

Nothing much happens until Heath Slater is in at #10. That gives us Ziggler, Jericho, Rhodes, Kingston, O’Neil, Goldust, Otunga and Slater at the moment. Slater fires off right hands to Kofi as Jericho calls spots to Ziggler. Dolph gets stuck on the apron again and Sheamus is #11 to clear out some bodies. He destroys everyone with his usual stuff before sending Titus to the apron for the ten forearms. Otunga is thrown onto Titus to get rid of O’Neil before ten forearms and a Brogue Kick get rid of the lawyer. Tensai, still the Japanese lunkhead, is #12.

Everybody goes after Tensai to make a big cluster in the corner. That goes nowhere at all so Brodus Clay comes in at #13. We get a Tons of Funk preview before Goldust backdrops Cody to the apron, only to get pulled to the apron as well. Cody gets back in and sends Goldust into the post for the elimination and a lot of booing. Rey Mysterio is #14 to make the crowd happy again. Ziggler and Jericho get quick 619s and the top rope splash crushes Jericho. Things slow down a bit until we reach the halfway point with Darren Young at #15.

A bunch of guys join forces to dump Brodus and Kofi puts out Tensai a few seconds later. Now we get to the part that everybody was waiting on as Kofi is knocked off the apron, only to land on Tensai’s back. He jumps onto the announcers’ table as he tries to figure this out. Why he doesn’t just jump two feet to get onto the steps is beyond me. Bo Dallas is #16 as this is going on. Instead of the steps, Kofi gets JBL’s office chair and pogos his way back to the ring. Kingston pulls Darren out of the ring but gets caught with the Disaster Kick for the elimination before he can get back inside.

Godfather gives us the nostalgia pop at #17 and is dropkicked out by Ziggler four seconds later. He seems ok with that and leaves with his women. The whole point was the entrance anyway so I have no issue with that. Wade Barrett is in at #18 as the ring is getting too full. Everything slows down again and John Cena is #19 to clear out some tired people. Everybody gets ready for him so Cena comes a charging. John fights them all off and throws out Slater and Cody but can’t dump Jericho.

Damien Sandow is #20, giving us Ziggler, Jericho, Sheamus, Mysterio, Dallas, Barrett, Cena and Sandow. Mysteiro and Barrett fight to the apron and a big forearm puts Rey out. Sheamus goes right after Wade as Jericho tries to put Cena in the Walls. Daniel Bryan is #21 and fires off kicks to Sandow. Now it’s Barrett getting the kicks as everyone else is down. Sheamus and Bryan try to put Jericho out but he slides back in under the ropes.

Antonio Cesaro is in at #22 and gets in a fight with Sheamus as the fans start the dueling Cena chants. Everybody is back up now and Great Khali is #23. It’s chops all around until things calm a bit. Kane comes in at #24 to fire things up again (get it?) but the ring is too full. It gets even worse with Zach Ryder coming in at #25 but HELL NO dumps Khali. Bryan dumps Kane but Cesaro dumps Bryan into Kane’s arms. Daniel: YES! Kane shouts no and drops Bryan for the elimination in a funny bit.

Randy Orton is #26 and it’s powerslams all around. Ziggler and Dallas get a double Elevated DDT and it’s an RKO for Ryder, followed by the elimination. Jinder Mahal gets lucky #27 as Cesaro lifts Cena up, only to be eliminated himself. Ziggler gets launched to the ropes but slides back in as Miz is #28. He gets in a fight with Cesaro in the aisle and limps into the ring to sell the ankle injury from earlier. Sheamus dumps Mahal and Sin Cara is #29.

Cara tries an enziguri on Ziggler which misses by four inches but Ziggler sells it anyway. Bo Dallas pulls Barrett out in an elimination that should have led further than it did. Miz sends Jericho to the apron as Barrett pulls Dallas out from the floor. Ryback is #30 to give us a final grouping of Ryback, Ziggler, Jericho, Sheamus, Cena, Sandow, Orton, Miz and Sin Cara. Damien is out first and Sin Cara quickly follows. Miz tries to power Ryback out and is tossed as well to get us down to six. Jericho is somehow still alive and hits a Lionsault on Cena but the springboard dropkick doesn’t eliminate Sheamus.

Ziggler backdrops Jericho to the apron and superkicks him out (missed as well but he’s spent at this point) but walks into an RKO. There’s one for Cena as well and Sheamus gets the third. That leaves Ryback to fight Orton but the monster gets taken down with an Elevated DDT. Ryback fights off the RKO and clotheslines Randy out to get us down to four. Ziggler DDTs Cena down but a Brogue Kick puts Dolph on the floor.

It’s Sheamus, Ryback and Cena with Ryback getting double suplexed down. Cena and Sheamus make things serious by LOOKING AT THE SIGN. John takes over but Ryback runs him over with a clothesline. Sheamus escapes the Shell Shock, looks at the sign, and hits White Noise on Ryback. The Brogue Kick is countered with a backdrop to eliminate Sheamus and we’re down to two.

They LOOK AT THE SIGN and do their signature taunts before Ryback spinebusters Cena down. The Meathook is countered into the STF and Ryback passes out, leaving him as dead weight. Ryback fights out of the corner and Cena’s head into the mat. He loads up a powerslam but Cena slips out the back and shoves Ryback out for the win and title shot at Wrestlemania.

Rating: B. It’s a good but not great Rumble. That being said, there was almost no other option to win here, even though it set up the rematch that no one wanted to see. There’s certainly some good stuff in it and there were no down spots, but you would expect more big moments than we got here.

Coming Home ad for Wrestlemania. That still should have been Wrestlemania XXX.

We recap CM Punk vs. The Rock. It’s a basic story: Punk has been champion for 434 days and Rock is getting a title shot because he’s the Rock, which was kind of a lame reason, especially when the shot was announced six months ago. That began a countdown that made everything Punk did meaningless, because there was no way it would be anyone but Rock taking the belt from him here. Yeah Punk got in some shots on Rock before the match, but this was as much of a layup as you could get. Also if Shield or anyone interferes, Punk is stripped of the title.

Rock, after waiting for them to chant his name, says he isn’t worried about Shield, even though they busted up his lung recently. He goes on a rant about how many hard things he’s been through, but redeems himself a bit by talking about his mom getting cancer but beating it to be here tonight. Punk has said that the people don’t count but Rock says every single one of them count to him. He reaches his hand out to everyone that believes in the Rock so he can get their power, if you smell what he’s cooking.

Raw World Title: The Rock vs. CM Punk

Punk of course has Heyman with him. He charges right into the brawl and actually pounds Rock down into the corner. A quick Rock Bottom is countered but Punk is sent outside. Rock follows him outside and sends the champion into the barricade before loading up the announce table. Punk comes back with a shot to the ribs and puts the table back together in a great bit. Back in and Rock scores with more right hands to knock Punk to the floor again.

Punk is whipped into the barricade one more time but he gets a boot up to stop a charging Bull. He finishes fixing the announce table instead of following up on Rock before dropping Rock ribs first on the barricade. They head inside again for a body vice from CM followed by a knee to the ribs for two. Off to a freaky looking hold where Punk pins Rock’s shoulders down but pulls back on his head to crank on the shoulders and back.

More choking follows and a knee to the back has Rock on the apron, followed by a springboard dropkick to send him outside. Punk tries a top rope ax handle to take Rock down but injures his knee in the process. Rock scores with some kicks to the knee but the champion easily sends him out to the floor to stop the comeback. Back in and Punk misses the springboard clothesline and reinjures the knee, giving Rock his opening.

A DDT gets one on Punk but he fights out of the Rock Bottom. The GTS is countered into a Sharpshooter attempt but Punk counters into the Anaconda Vice in a nice sequence. Rock rolls over into a cradle, forcing Punk to let go of the hold. Back up and tries the Rock Bottom but Punk counters into a rollup for two, only to be countered into a low seated Sharpshooter. Punk is next to the rope so naturally he takes thirty seconds to get the break.

Rock takes him to the floor and loads up the announce table again. They fight on top but Rock counters a GTS attempt into what was supposed to be a Rock Bottom but was really more like the table collapsing with Rock’s arm around Punk’s chest. Rock comes up holding his knee and both guys make it back in at an eight count. Punk scores with a high kick but both guys are down.

Back up and Rock wins a slugout before scoring with the spinebuster. He loads up the People’s Elbow and there go the lights. Cole can see Shield pulling Rock to the floor and powerbombing him through the table. The lights come back up and Rock is laid out as the referee has no idea what’s going on. The announcers try to tell Mike Chioda what happened and Punk feigns innocence.

He throws Rock back in for the pin and celebrates but here’s Vince to say Punk is stripped of the title for the interference. Rock says no and to restart the match. The bell rings again and Punk stomps away as JBL threatens to put Cole through a table for playing cheerleader. The Macho Elbow gets two but the GTS is countered into a spinebuster, setting up the People’s Elbow to end Punk’s reign.

Rating: B. It’s another good match but it felt like they were dancing around for twenty three minutes before we got to the obvious ending. The Shield stuff was a decent fake out but it really didn’t need to be there. Rock winning was obvious though and that really put a ceiling on how high this was going to get.

Rock celebrates for about three minutes to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. Yeah it’s a good show overall, but the major problem is obvious: there was no other possibly ending other than Rock vs. Cena at Wrestlemania 29 and almost everyone knew it. The show is definitely entetaining and actually really good at times, but it was so telegraphed up and down the card that it offers almost no excitement at all, even on the initial viewing. Still though, worth checking out if you have nothing else to do.

Ratings Comparison

Antonio Cesaro vs. The Miz

Original: C-
Redo: D+

Alberto Del Rio vs. Big Show

Original: B
Redo: C-

HELL NO vs. Rhodes Scholars

Original: C
Redo: C

Royal Rumble

Original: C+
Redo: B

The Rock vs. CM Punk

Original: B
Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: A-
Redo: B

That original overall rating is too high for what I gave everything else. Also I think the original last man standing match rating is closer to the accurate one. It just didn’t hold up as well on a second viewing, but it was good.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

 

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Royal Rumble 2012
Date: January 29, 2012
Location: Scottrade Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Attendance: 18,121
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Booker T

We wrap things up here with last year’s show. The Rumble is back to the thirty entrant variety which is probably the best move all around. The odds on favorite is Jericho who returned very recently before this show. Other than that we’ve got Daniel Bryan defending his newly won world title against Big Show and Henry in a cage, along with Punk defending against Ziggler. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is of course about going to Wrestlemania.

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Mark Henry

Bryan is champion and beat Show at TLC by cashing in his MITB case in 45 seconds. Show beat Henry at the same show and ran over Bryan’s girlfriend AJ on Raw to set all this up. This is one fall to a finish and it’s pin/submission/escape. Bryan immediately goes for the corner but Henry pulls him down and Show runs Bryan over for two. Show crushes Henry against the cage wall but has to stop to pull Bryan back inside. Rey tries to run up again but Show catches him by the ankle and slams him back in.

Show loads up the WMD but hits the cage wall instead. The champion fires off some kicks but gets headbutted right back down. Bryan kicks the knee out even harder and fires off some kicks to Henry to keep the other monster down. He goes for the door but you know this isn’t ending that quickly. Henry makes the stop and demands that the referee CLOSE THAT DOOR. Show superkicks Henry down and it’s his turn to take over for awhile.

Bryan gets slammed down but Henry is back up again. A few punches put Show down because a dozen chair shots usually can’t, but a few punches can. Actually that’s a great way to keep Henry looking strong. The fans are cheering for Bryan as Henry and Show collide to put all three guys down. Show gets back up and clotheslines Bryan down a few times before superkicking him in the face. The chokeslam is countered and Bryan hits a tornado DDT on Show for two.

The LeBell (NO!) Lock is put on Show but Henry breaks it up in about a second. The WMD gets two on Henry but Bryan makes the save, which ticks Show off. Bryan SPRINTS up the cage but Show chases after him and grabs Bryan before he can get out. Bryan sits on the top of the cage and pounds away, only to be caught again. The champion is literally hanging from Show’s wrist before finally letting go and falling to the floor to retain the title.

Rating: D+. This really wasn’t all that great. At the end of the day, it was a lot of the same sequence over and over again with Show and Henry not having a ton of interaction at all. The ending didn’t look great either and I’m not sure why Show would just hold him out over the floor like that. This falls under the category of “…..really?” as it’s hard to buy Bryan keeping the belt here.

Long video on Cena and all the stuff he does for WWE. The man is insanely committed to that company.

Divas of Doom/Bella Twins vs. Eve Torres/Alicia Fox/Tamina/Kelly Kelly

The Divas of Doom are Beth and Natalya. Natalya and Tamina start things off and they collide a few times. Tamina slaps her in the face before chopping Nattie down for two. Off to Eve for that bouncing moonsault for two. Since that’s a pretty lame move, Natalya charges her into the corner and brings in Beth who blocks a rolling splash with knees to Eve’s back.

Off to let’s say Nikki for some basic stomps to the back and a quickly broken chinlock. Jerry is asked what he likes about the Bellas and he can’t even get an answer out. Not hot tag brings in Alicia who is immediately sent into the corner and chinlocked as well. Alicia finally counters by flipping Nikki forward and makes the actual hot tag to Kelly. There’s the screaming headscissors and a faceplant for two. Everything breaks down and almost everyone heads to the floor, where Kelly hits a HUGE dive to take everyone out. Back in and Beth SLAPS herself in to hit the Glam Slam on Kelly for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was your usual Divas match: they did their “sexy” spots, they had barely there outfits, Kelly screamed a lot, Beth beat up Kelly to end things. One interesting note from a year later: would they even be able to put together an eight Divas tag now? I’m thinking through the roster and I don’t know if I can name eight girls on the main shows right now.

We recap Ryder getting hurt at the hands of Kane. This was during the period where Ryder went from one of the hottest things in the company and US Champion to a rag doll that Kane destroyed over and over and over in the span of a few weeks until his push was completely destroyed. Eve blamed Cena for Ryder having his back broken for some reason.

Ryder is wheeled in and patronized by Johnny Ace (remember him?). Ace has a private room set up for Ryder but Eve comes up to yell at Ace first. Not much here but it’s setting up stuff later on tonight.

Kane vs. John Cena

This is when Kane had the welder’s mask look. Brawl to start with Kane beating Cena down into the corner as the fans are split on Johnny. A clothesline puts them both on the floor where Kane is sent knees first into the steps. Back in and Cena can’t hit the AA on Kane. That makes sense as after all, Kane is probably 175lbs lighter than Show who Cena throws around with near ease most of the time.

Kane kicks Cena down and gets two off an uppercut. A suplex gets the same and it’s off to a chinlock. Cena fights up and is sent into the buckle for his efforts followed by Kane’s stupid smother hold. John tries to counter into a Crossface but Kane comes out with a side slam. The idea here is that Cena can’t get anything going at all. The top rope clothesline takes Cena’s head off but Cena pops up and hits his shoulder block.

The Shuffle is countered by a grab of Cena’s throat and a big boot gets two. Cena blocks a superplex and hits the Shuffle off the top. That’s certainly a new one. The AA is countered by an elbow to the face and Kane kicks Cena out to the floor. Booker talks about how Cena is a good kid. I don’t think I ever recall Cena being called a kid since like 2004. Kane pounds on Cena in the aisle and that’s a double countout so we can do this match again next month.

Rating: D+. I know that’s a common theme tonight but it fits here again. These two didn’t work all that well together and the story was even worse. Then again, this was nothing more than giving Cena something to do for a few months until he could get ready for the biggest match of his career. This didn’t work for the most part.

The fight continues into the back where Kane finds a chair to lay to lay out Cena. To the shock of no one paying attention, Kane finds the door to Ryder’s private room and kicks the door in. Ryder is taken to the ring and tombstoned as Eve screams. Cena comes out to try to save Eve but gets chokeslammed by Kane who walks away. Ryder does a stretcher job, but somehow it would get even worse for him in the coming weeks.

BE A STAR!

Zack is wheeled out and Cena is booed for it. That’s the part of this story that never held up for me: why is this Cena’s responsibility? Ryder was the United States Champion. He should be able to defend himself.

We get a video on the Rock just like Cena got earlier. It’s shot in the back of Rock’s car and is more like a mini documentary. It focuses on how insane Rock’s life is and all of the stuff he does around the world.

Drew McIntyre vs. Brodus Clay

This is right after Brodus redebuted as the Funkasaurus so he was still a new character at this point. Brodus dances a lot, Drew punches him in the corner, Brodus headbutts him and hits the cross body (called WHAT THE FUNK) for the pin in about a minute.

Buy Slim Jims! For the troops!

We recap Cena vs. Ziggler who is challenging Punk on Ace’s behalf. This is during the “Ace is boring” phase where Punk made fun of him no matter what he did, so Ace helped Ziggler get a win over Punk to earn a title shot. Ace is also guest referee tonight just because. He’s openly admitted he’s going to screw Punk out of the title tonight, so HHH is going to evaluate his job status the next night on Raw, meaning Ace has to play nice.

Raw World Title: CM Punk vs. Dolph Ziggler

Punk is defending and Ace is referee. Johnny Ace is John Laurinitis but that’s a hard name to spell. Before the match, Ace says he’ll be the outside referee. Ok then. Wait we’re still not ready to go as Ace throws Vickie out as well. We finally get going and Ziggler tries a quick Fameasser which is countered into a failed GTS attempt. Punk tells Dolph it was that close. They feel each other out a bit longer until Ziggler starts strutting.

Punk finally gets his hands on Ziggler and puts on an abdominal stretch, complete with a wrapped toe and slicking back his hair ala Ziggler. Dolph heads to the floor and gets taken out by a suicide dive but shoves Punk off the top rope once they get back inside. Ziggler drops about eight elbows in a row and a jumping version gets two. We hit the chinlock with Ziggler cranking on the head way more than necessary.

The champ starts firing off chops and strikes before getting caught in the sleeper. That goes nowhere but neither does Punk’s Anaconda Vice attempt. Back to the sleeper but Dolph can’t get it on all the way. Instead there’s a perfect dropkick for two on Punk but the Fameasser is countered into a helicopter bomb for two. A swinging neckbreaker by the champ puts Dolph into the corner where the knee/bulldog combination actually works.

The GTS is countered into a slingshot but Punk lands on the middle rope. He comes off with a spinning cross body but Ziggler rolls through for a near fall in a cool sequence. The high kick gets two for Punk as does the Macho Elbow, drawing a Randy Savage chant. The GTS is countered again and the referee goes down as per the requirement in a world title mach. Punk hooks the Vice but Ace is checking on the down referee. Then Punk gets a rollup and there’s STILL no referee.

Ace sends the referee back in as Punk loads up the GTS, but Ziggler’s legs knock Ace to the floor. Ace sees the pin but refuses to count because he thinks Punk did it on purpose. Ziggler counters another GTS attempt into the Fameasser for two before pounding away a bit. The champ comes back with a slingshot and the GTS gets a pin from both referees to retain the title.

Rating: B+. This took awhile to get going as we were all waiting on the Ace stuff. The feud would go on for weeks until Jericho finally showed up to give Punk someone with charisma to feud with. The near falls at the end were a lot better than Ace, but it occurs to me that this was pretty much the same match he had last year. Good stuff though.

Rumble by the Numbers:

30 Superstars
1 winner
31 Hall of Famers in the Rumble
21 main events those Hall of Famers have been in at Wrestlemania
695 entrants who have been eliminated
39 entrants eliminated by Michaels, a record (Kane is second at 35)
13 consecutive Rumbles for Kane
11 eliminations for Kane in 2001
194,107lbs that have been in the Rumble, or over 97 tons, or 430 Big Show
421,883 people who have attended the Rumble
62:12 Rey Mysterio spent in the Rumble in 2006, a record
3 wins for Austin
1 second that Santino lasted in 2009
2 women who have competed in the Rumble
1, the entrant that has produced the same amount of winners as #30 at two each
27, the entrant with more winners than any other at four
55 percent of winners that have won the title at Wrestlemania

Royal Rumble

The Miz is #1 and talks about how he’s going back to the main event of Wrestlemania this year. His former apprentice Alex Riley is #2 which isn’t really surprising given how RANDOM these draws are. I always liked Riley and he always got a good reaction, which is clearly why he doesn’t get on TV more. Riley pounds away to start and runs Miz over with a forearm but walks into a big boot. Maybe it’s the old school fan in me but I don’t like a 6’0 guy using a big boot. Miz talks trash and low bridges Riley out with ease.

R-Truth, Miz’s former partner, is #3. Truth fires off some kicks and avoids the Finale before hitting a kind of powerslam. Miz gets sent to the apron for the second time but Truth turns his back to watch Cody come out at #4. A quick Disaster Kick puts Truth down (Cole says it hits Miz because those two are so hard to tell apart) and Truth gets double teamed for awhile. He manages to send Cody to the apron but gets caught in the Reality Check as the clock seems to be speeding up.

Justin Gabriel is #5 and things speed WAY up. A big spinwheel kick puts Miz down before Cody goes nuts on Gabriel in the corner. Primo is #6 to keep things low key to start. Actually he speeds things up as well and hits a sweet headscissors out of the corner to take Gabriel down. Truth hits the spinning forearm on Cody, only to be dumped out by Miz a second later. Since he’s still crazy, Truth pulls Miz to the floor and lays him out on the outside.

Mick Foley is #7 to fire up the crowd a little bit. He dumps Primo almost immediately before getting beaten on by Cody. Foley looks really old and slow here but to be fair, he is in fact old and slow. In a HILARIOUS bit, Ricardo Rodriguez is #8 but comes out in an old banged up, rusted out rental car. He’s even got the Del Rio scarf to hide some of his hideous pale body. We get a HUGE Ricardo chant as Foley and Gabriel have no idea what to do here.

Ricardo takes Cody down and pounds away before proposing an alliance with Foley of all people. They actually do team up and toss Gabriel, allowing Ricardo to do a CM Punk knee slide. We keep the comedy going with Santino at #9 and Ricardo runs from the Cobra. Santino beats on Ricardo and literally rolls him around the ring before pulling his trunks up and tossing Rodriguez.

Now we get my favorite spot of the match as Santino puts on the Cobra and Mick puts on Socko and it’s TIME FOR A DUEL!!! Before they can collide though it’s Epico at #10 but he falls to the powers of the socks and is out almost immediately. The socks COLLIDE until Miz and Cody pop back in (neither was eliminated) and dump Santino. Miz gets Socko but Cody dumps Mick. Fun comedy bit here to give us a good first act to the match.

Kofi Kingston is #11 and hits a double springboard clothesline before hitting a double Boom Drop. In at #12 is Jerry Lawler (Cole: “WHAT ARE YOU DOING???”) and he causes Miz to hit Cody by mistake. Lawler speeds things up and hits the middle rope punch with the lowered strap, only to be put out by Cody. Ezekiel Jackson is #13 and gets to do the usual power moves on each guy while the others lay around.

Jinder Mahal is #14 and the fans start chanting USA, even though the only two Americans in this match are Rhodes and Miz. Great Khali comes in at #15 and Mahal panics. Everyone gets chops and Mahal is out in just a few seconds. Jackson tries to pound away and is put out almost immediately as well. Hunico is #16 on that stupid bicycle of his and hits a spinning cross body on Miz and his Angle Slam on Cody.

Khali chops Hunico down as the ring is staying relatively empty. Booker T is #17 to surprise Cole. You would think he would have noticed that the man sitting next to him for over two hours wasn’t wearing pants but he never was considered that bright. Now we get the spot of the match as Miz shoves Kofi to the floor but Kofi holds himself up by his hands. Miz shoves Kofi into a handstand but Kingston WALKS ON HIS HANDS ACROSS THE FLOOR TO THE STEPS to get back in. FREAKING AWESOME MAN!

Dolph Ziggler is #18 as the ring is starting to get full. Hacksaw Jim Duggan makes his annual return at #19 to pop the crowd huge. He cleans house for a bit and we get a DOUBLE NOGGIN KNOCKER on Miz and Rhodes. Cody avoids a charge in the corner though and dumps Duggan in less than a minute. That’s the best idea at the end of the day. Miz and Cody team up to put out Booker and Khali at the same time.

We complete the trio with Michael Cole at #20. At the moment we’ve got Cole, Miz, Rhodes, Kingston, Hunico and Ziggler in the ring. Kharma returns at #21 in her only WWE match ever. She hits Cole so hard she knocks his headgear off so Cole eliminates himself. Well he gets to the apron where Cole and Booker eliminate him. Ziggler tells Kharma to get out so she DRILLS him. Kharma dumps Hunico but Ziggler sneaks up and eliminates her (Booker calls this doing the impossible. Not really Book.) to a ton of heat.

Sheamus is #22 to give us some A level star power. Well maybe B+ level. Things speed up with Sheamus destroying everyone and tossing Kofi out. There are the ten forearms in the ropes to Cody and ten to Miz as well. The Zig Zag is countered and Road Dogg is another surprise return at #23. He gets to clean house for a bit and earns a “you still got it” chant. In far less than 90 seconds, Jey Uso is #24.

Everyone pairs off until Jack Swagger is #25. After a few suplexes everything settles down into its usual brawling phase until Barrett is #26. He throws out Roadie and stomps away on a lot of people. David Otunga gets the lucky spot at #27 and poses a lot before he comes out. Not a lot happens so Orton comes in at #28 to pick things up a bit. Remember we’re in his hometown so everyone goes nuts.

Cody breaks up the RKO on Barrett so Randy hits the Elevated DDT on both Cody and Ziggler at the same time because he can. There’s an RKO to Barrett and he’s out. Chris Jericho, complete with a blackout of the arena, makes his return at #29. He’s still a face at this point and dumps Otunga to a good reaction. Big Show is #30 which was considered a letdown at the time. Dude, he was world champion a month ago. That’s hardly Darren Young coming out.

As Show comes in he pulls Swagger out from the floor, giving us a final grouping of Miz, Rhodes, Ziggler, Sheamus, Orton, Jericho and Big Show. That’s a pretty solid grouping. Show dumps Cody and Miz at the same time to get us down to five. Show tosses Ziggler as well to get us down to four. The big man cleans house but walks into an RKO, allowing Orton and Sheamus to pick him up and Randy clotheslines him out. Jericho dumps Orton immediately thereafter and we’re down to two.

The fans are entirely behind Jericho here so Sheamus runs him over a few times. Jericho’s bulldog is countered but Sheamus can’t throw him over the corner. Jericho charges into the Irish Curse but Sheamus can’t hit the High Cross. We get a great false finish with Jericho clotheslining Sheamus to the apron and then knocking him down to the point where Sheamus is hanging on by his leg. Sheamus comes back in with the slingshot shoulder but the Brogue Kick is countered into the Walls.

After the hold is broken Jericho gets knocked to the apron where he BARELY hangs on. They go to the top rope and both fall to the apron, meaning if they hit the floor they’re out. Both guys get back in and there’s the Codebreaker to Sheamus. Jericho gets Sheamus upside down but can’t get him out. A shot to the face ticks Sheamus off and he catches a Codebreaker attempt to put Jericho on the apron. The Brogue Kick sends Sheamus to Wrestlemania.

Rating: A-. This is one of those Rumbles that is great fun as you watch it live but it loses some steam on a second viewing. They spent a bit too much time on nostalgia and funny ideas here but they were still really good ideas. The ending with Sheamus and Jericho ROCKED and I have no idea why they never got to have a long PPV match. This is a really good Rumble but it never reaches that excellent level that some of them get to.

Sheamus celebrates a lot to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. The Rumble is a unique show as it has a way to save itself from a bad first half. That’s what happened here as the last two matches were certainly good enough to save it from the horrible first few matches. As usual the last two guys would both get world title shots with the winner getting the opening match instead of the real main event, but going on before Rock vs. Cena is hardly torture.

Ratings Comparison

Daniel Bryan vs. Mark Henry vs. Big Show

Original: C-
Redo: D+

Bella Twins/Divas of Doom vs. Alicia Fox/Kelly Kelly/Eve Torres/Tamina

Original: D+
Redo: D+

Kane vs. John Cena

Original: D+
Redo: D+

Brodus Clay vs. Drew McIntyre

Original: N/A
Redo: N/A

CM Punk vs. Dolph Ziggler

Original: B
Redo: B+

Royal Rumble

Original: B+
Redo: A-

Overall Rating

Original: B-
Redo: B

Just like last year, not much difference here.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Royal Rumble 2010
Date: January 31, 2010
Location: Phillips Arena, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 16,697
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Matt Striker

We’re getting close to the end of the run here with only three shows left. Tonight we’ve got the Rumble of course along with Undertaker defending against Mysterio and Sheamus defending against Orton. I remember really liking this one as the new generation had arrived and was rising up the card. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about the Road to Wrestlemania is beginning and how it determines what happens for months to come. This is called the most star studded Rumble ever, which is a tagline that has been used before.

ECW Title: Christian vs. Ezekiel Jackson

Christian is defending and man that ECW ring announcer has an annoying voice. Regal is with Jackson here. According to Striker, Jackson went to Columbia Law School. Now there’s a factoid that fell through the cracks. Jackson shoves Christian into the corner and then does it again into the ropes so the champion slaps him in the face. After a brief chase, Christian dropkicks Jackson out to the floor.

The springboard plancha takes Jackson out and we head back in. Christian finally gets caught in the corner and pounded on before having the Killswitch easily blocked. Instead Christian chokes away on the ropes and hits another shot to the face. Jackson throws Christian to the floor where Regal tries to throw him back in, earning himself an ejection. Off to a neck crank back inside which Jackson picks up into a kind of cobra clutch slam for two.

A vertical suplex gets two for Big Zeke and it’s time for more choking. A sunset flip is easily blocked by Jackson and it’s back to the chinlock. Striker tries to figure out what a peep is, as he knows it as a something made of chocolate. Some shots to the face get Christian out of trouble for awhile, or at least until a clothesline to the back of the head gets two.

Jackson hooks both of Christian’s arms back for another hold before putting the champion on top. The superplex is blocked and Christian hits a top rope back elbow for two (LOVE that move). Jackson’s big clothesline misses and a middle rope dropkick gets two for the champion. A spinwheel kick gets two on Jackson but a swan dive misses and gives Zeke a near fall as does a backbreaker.

The tornado DDT gets ANOTHER two for Christian so Jackson takes his head off with a clothesline. Off to a sleeper from Christian when the Killswitch doesn’t work but Jackson counters into a powerslam position to ram Christian’s back into the buckle. Christian slides down Jackson’s back and grabs the Killswitch out of nowhere to retain.

Rating: C+. Trim two minutes out of this and it goes WAY up in quality. The period of near falls went on too long without getting any significant heat from the crowd. Jackson would get the title in a little over two weeks on the final episode of ECW because if there’s one man that should be the final ECW Champion, it’s a musclehead that could barely get through a five minute match most of the time.

Cryme Tyme come in to try to get a second spot in the Rumble from Teddy and Tiffany. Khali says “no dice homeslice” to selling their spot because he’s keeping it real. Apparently he’s learned his English from Family Matters (Singh’s words, not mine). Ok then. Anyway US Champion the Miz comes in and laughs which causes him to have to defend against MVP.

Orton is in the back when Cody Rhodes comes in. He’s there for Randy in the title match tonight but that’s not all. Apparently DiBiase isn’t in on this because his mind is on winning the Rumble and taking the title from Orton.

US Title: The Miz vs. MVP

A quick clothesline gets two for MVP and he works on the champ’s ribs to start. Miz gets a boot up in the corner to slow him down but MVP comes right back with a belly to back suplex for two. They head to the floor for this gem from Striker: “Miz is one of the most recognizable faces on this planet.” I don’t think Miz is one of the most recognizable faces in this match.

Back in and Miz sends MVP to the apron and gets kicked into the table on the floor. Not that this is treated like anything of note because the announcers are laughing about Sherri Shepard from The View. Miz sends shoulders into MVP’s ribs in the corner followed by the running corner clothesline. A top rope double ax gets two for Miz and we hit the chinlock.

After that eats up some time, MVP pounds away with all of his usual stuff. Ballin hits and a running boot to the side of the head gets two for the challenger. A big shoulder block gets the same for MVP but he misses a running boot in the corner. MVP grabs three straight quick near falls but gets caught in a small package for the pin to keep the title on Miz.

Rating: D+. If there was a reason for this to be on PPV other than the show was running short, I don’t know what it was. Miz didn’t look like anything special out there but somehow he would be world champion a year later. MVP on the other hand would be out of the WWE but he did well enough in Japan. Nothing to see here other than a filler match.

Post match MVP hits the Playmaker on Miz and gets booed LOUDLY. He lost completely clean so the booing is deserved.

Show and Jericho, the former tag team champions, run into each other. Show accuses him of being jealous of the chemistry Show and Miz have but Jericho brushes it off. He calls the crowd gelatinous worms before pointing out all of the similarities he and Miz have. Show says he’ll throw both Miz and Jericho out to win the Rumble. R-Truth pops up and says he’ll do the same. Show leaves Jericho standing there much to Jericho’s chagrin.

DiBiase wishes Orton luck and says he’s got Randy’s back. Orton asks where Cody is but DiBiase doesn’t know. This was during the time when Legacy was about to die and both members were trying to get on Randy’s best side. DiBiase claims that Rhodes only wants to win the Rumble but Orton has heard enough. He doesn’t want anyone’s help and gets a clear face pop in response.

The National Guard is here.

Raw World Title: Sheamus vs. Randy Orton

Sheamus won the title in a shocker last month at TLC and is heel here. He’s also still not that good and wouldn’t really hit his stride for about a year and a half. They stare at each other to start and my goodness is Sheamus pale. A dropkick puts the champion down but he comes right back with a running ax handle. Sheamus gets in a shot to the arm and we head to the floor where said arm is sent into the steps.

Back in and Orton goes for the knee and things slow down a bit. Orton wouldn’t really pick up the pace of his offense until about the following year which made his matches pretty hard to sit through. Sheamus comes back by sending Orton’s shoulder into the post twice and hitting some shoulder blocks in the corner. That gets him nowhere though as Orton takes out the knee again and knocks Sheamus to the floor.

They head inside again and yet AGAIN momentum shifts back to Sheamus as he hits a DDT on the arm for two. Off to an armbar for a bit before they slug it out to the boo/yay chants. Orton wins the slugout but walks into the Irish Curse for two. The High Cross is escaped and Orton kicks Sheamus in the head to send him to the outside. Orton gets ready for the RKO but Rhodes jumps the guardrail and blasts Sheamus in the back before running away. The referee sees it though and despite Orton hitting the RKO, he’s disqualified and Sheamus keeps the title. Lame ending to a pretty lame match.

Rating: D+. Like I said, Sheamus just wasn’t very good yet. He was still this big imposing brawler who pounded on people and that’s about it. There was indeed a story in the match but it wasn’t a very entertaining one as they just kept beating on each other’s limbs but when there’s no difference because of the beating, the story doesn’t work. The ending didn’t help either but it did set up something in the future.

Post match Orton snaps on Cody as DiBiase comes down to save his partner. While Orton yells at Cody in the corner, Sheamus comes back in and lays out Randy with a Brogue Kick.

We recap Mickie vs. McCool. This was an awkward feud as Mickie won the title shot in a triple threat and then Laycool made fun of Mickie for being fat. This is of course odd as Mickie is a professional athlete and gorgeous and would only be called fat by a crazy person. It’s also pretty disturbing when you consider how WWE pushes the Divas as role models. The final bit of it was a segment where Mickie got beaten down and covered in food.

Women’s Title: Michelle McCool vs. Mickie James

Pre match Michelle runs her mouth about how fat Mickie is and accuses her of skipping out on the match. Michelle offers cake and here’s Layla in a Mickie Pig costume. The real Mickie sprints to the ring and hits a Thesz Press on Layla on the floor. She heads inside, sends Michelle into Layla and hits the MickieDT for the pin and the title in 20 seconds.

Post match the other Divas bring out a cake and smash it into Laycool’s faces.

We recap Mysterio vs. Undertaker. Rey won the shot by slamming a cage door onto Batista’s head to escape because that’s what heroes do. Taker said he’ll show no mercy on Mysterio so Rey uses the same line everyone does on Taker: he isn’t afraid. Batista beat up Mysterio as well, claiming that Undertaker and the world title was his.

Smackdown World Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Undertaker

Mysterio, in the deep south, comes out wearing a white hood. Striker talks about Lawler being in the ring with Kamala and Lord Humongous (Sid) because he thinks it makes him sound interesting. He’s trying to make a comparison to being in the ring with Undertaker, but if he was as smart as he thinks he is, he would ask Jerry what it’s like to be in the ring with Undertaker himself, which would save a lot of headaches.

Rey fires off some shots in the corner before Taker grabs him by the neck and throws him up and over the top and out to the floor. That looked awesome. Back to the apron and Rey fires off strikes to the face, only to get punched right back down to the floor by a single shot. Taker misses the legdrop on the apron but hits it the second time before heading back in. Rey counters a chokeslam into the 619 but Taker easily grabs the legs. Tombstone is countered and Taker misses an elbow drop.

Rey tries a springboard cross body but jumps into a boot to the chest. We head to the floor again and there’s another big boot to the head to take Rey down. A third big boot keeps Rey down but the fourth misses and Taker sends his leg around the post. Rey hits a baseball slide to send the leg into said post and Taker is in trouble. The seated senton off the apron is caught and Taker puts him back on the apron, only to be caught by an Asai Moonsault to put both guys down.

Taker grabs Rey by the throat and slams him into the barricade. The champion’s nose is busted a bit. Taker does that lifting wristlock of his to crank on the arm a bit before punching Rey down in the corner for a bit. A big side slam gets two for the guy who would use a side slam in this match as Striker goes into this big speech about how the blood shows that undertaker is mortal. Seriously, it’s a BLOODY NOSE. Watch the freaking Lesnar match in the Cell when the blood is literally dripping from Taker’s head and down onto Lesnar’s body.

Rey starts firing off some punches but a single shot from Taker is enough to put him back down. A jawbreaker finally staggers the big man and they do a kind of cross body, although Taker counters into something like Langston’s Big Ending, so it’s hard to say which hurt worse. Taker sits up so Rey kicks him in the face. Why has no one done that before? Rey drops the dime (springboard legdrop) for two but Taker kills him with a big clothesline. The Last Ride is countered and the 619 hits as does a second one, but the West Coast Pop is countered into the Last Ride to retain the title.

Rating: B. This was solid stuff for the most part for a few reasons. First of all, they didn’t make Taker look ridiculous to get into position for Rey’s moves. That’s my biggest issue with most of Rey’s battles against giants: how stupid the big men look. The other good thing here is that Taker wasn’t knocked silly after just a few moves. Rey only hit maybe a dozen offensive moves here other than basic strikes and it wouldn’t have made sense to have Taker in major trouble. Finally, Rey can bump like crazy when he’s trying to. The only issues here are the lack of a threat to Taker and Striker’s commentary. Chill out already man.

Shawn is watching in the back when Kane comes in and says Shawn’s obsession with Taker is unhealthy. This is KANE calling something unhealthy. He warns Shawn to cool it with Taker because it won’t end well. Kane leaves and HHH comes in. Shawn apologizes for whatever happened on Raw which apparently isn’t important enough to specify. HHH agrees Shawn vs. Taker is meant to be, but it won’t be by wining the Rumble.

Rumble by the Numbers time:

23 Winners

627 entrants eliminated

36 eliminations by Austin

11 eliminations by Kane in 2001

2002 was the last Rumble in Atlanta

62:12 Rey was in the Rumble in 2006

2 seconds was the record for 20 years until Santino broke it last year

3 wins for Austin

2 win for #1, the same as #30

70% of the winners win at Mania

Royal Rumble

Dolph Ziggler is #1 and Evan Bourne is #2. Bourne snaps off a headscissors to start and follows up with a spinwheel kick to take Dolph down. Ziggler comes back with the Zig Zag but can’t throw Evan out. Bourne decks Ziggler and hits Air Bourne as CM Punk of the Straightedge Society is #3. He slams the other two guys’ heads together and dumps them out one after the other. Punk gets a mic and says that tonight is the greatest night in the history of the Straightedge Society. These two are just the first of 29 men who will challenge him, but they can be saved.

The clock starts running down, so Punk gives us the line of the night: “Excuse me, it’s clobberin time.” JTG is #4 and after a few clotheslines, he poses like an idiot in the corner and gets dumped. Punk gets the mic again and says that not everyone can be saved because they don’t have his dedication. Great Khali is #5 and Punk immediately says he can make Khali greater by saving him. He asks Khali to raise his hand for the Straightedge Pledge but Khali lowers the hand onto Punk’s head for the chop.

There’s the Khali Vice and in less than 90 seconds, Beth Phoenix of all people is #6. She stares down Khali and gets picked up and placed on the apron. Beth kisses Khali but in the process pulls him over the top to eliminate him. Phoenix gets back in and BEATS UP PUNK, only to get caught in a GTS to the chest. Would that really knock her out? Before she’s dumped out, here’s Zack Ryder at #7.

As Ryder gets in, Punk grabs the mic and says Zack has potential. PREACH IT BROTHER! Punk starts offering him a spot but his Ryder with the mic before he gets done with it. The fans are going nuts for Punk now and there goes Ryder. Punk talks about how great he is and wants to know who is next, but whoever it is, they’re inferior to Punk. In at #8 is HHH as we enter the second segment of the Rumble.

They stare each other down and HHH starts punching. The facebuster has Punk staggered and a spinebuster puts him down as Drew McIntyre is #9. That gives us a tag champion in HHH and the IC Champion in Drew at the moment. HHH is looking a bit flabby here. He hits the high knee on McIntyre and escapes the GTS to eliminate Punk. DiBiase is #10 as we’re flying through this.

HHH gets double teamed down in the corner until John Morrison, the guy that lost the title to McIntyre, is #11. He takes both heels down and pounds away on them before hitting a jumping DDT on Drew. Starship Pain almost completely misses Drew and HHH clotheslines John down. Kane is #12 and comes in with the top rope clothesline to HHH. There’s a double chokeslam to McIntyre and Morrison before Kane tries to dump DiBiase.

Rhodes is #13 and saves Ted as he comes in. Morrison is sent to the apron and springboards back in, only to get dropkicked out of the air. Legacy goes after Kane but HHH saves him for no apparent reason. Cody saves himself from being eliminated and MVP is #14. Miz runs up behind him though and blasts MVP with the US Title. Morrison hits the Moonlight Drive on McIntyre to break up the Future Shock on Kane. HHH is in trouble in the corner and MVP is carried to the back.

Carlito is #15 and the ring is starting to get full. There’s a Backstabber to HHH and one for Drew and Ted as well. Miz is #16 and hits a quick Finale on Carlito. Cue MVP to clothesline Miz out and eliminate himself in the process. Matt Hardy is #17 and lasts about 20 seconds before Kane puts him out. HHH immediately dumps Kane too and the ring is a lot more empty all of a sudden.

HHH starts laying out everyone and Shawn is #18. Carlito is backdropped out, Rhodes and DiBiase are tossed, Morrison gets dumped, and DX puts out McIntyre to get us down to DX. Before anything can happen though, Cena is #19 to get us to the final third of the match. Cena cleans house and hits a double Shuffle before getting caught in the Pedigree. Out of nowhere Shawn superkicks HHH out to pop the crowd BIG.

Shelton Benjamin in that stupid gold period is #20. He hits Paydirt on both guys but gets dumped by Cena in less than 50 seconds. Yoshi Tatsu is #21 and doesn’t even make it 30 seconds. Big Show is #22 and Cena is shaken. Big Show RUNS down to the ring and house is cleaned. Shawn and Cena try to eliminate each other but Show pulls Shawn back in for some reason. What’s up with that tonight?

Mark Henry is #23 and we get a quick battle of the giant. Who would think those two would have a world title feud a year and a half later and be REALLY popular? Henry slams Show and falls on Cena as he tries an AA. Show spears Henry down and Chris Masters is #24. Masters tries the Masterlock on Show and gets dumped for his efforts. Now Henry goes after Show but Shawn breaks it up for some reason. R-Truth is #25 and actually dumps BOTH big guys. There’s something you wouldn’t expect.

Truth hits a Stroke on Cena and Jack Swagger is #26. All three guys get Vader Bombs and Swagger goes old school with a very slow Oklahoma Stampede. Jack knocks Michaels to the apron but can’t get the elimination. Kingston is #27 and cleans house on Swagger, hitting the Boom Drop and dumping him out with a nice leverage move. Truth puts Kofi on the apron but gets pulled out by a reverse headscissors.

Jericho is #28 but after cleaning about half the house, Cena grabs an AA to put him down. Shawn adds the top rope elbow and tunes up the band but Kofi hits Trouble in Paradise to take him out. Cena dumps Kofi but walks into a Codebreaker. Everyone is down and EDGE makes his big return at #29. That’s rather brilliant instead of waiting for the big surprise at #30, we get a SWERVE that actually makes sense.

Everyone gets a spear and Jericho is out. Edge is back about six months early and it’s Edge-O-Matics all around. Batista is #30, giving us a final four of Shawn, Cena, Edge and Batista. Not bad at all. It’s power all around but Edge spears him down. Everyone is down now Shawn gets up first and hits the forearm on Cena followed by the nipup.

Shawn slams every American in sight and drops the top rope elbow on Cena. Batista takes one too as Edge is still down in the corner. Sweet Chin Music hits Cena and there’s one for Batista as well. Edge clotheslines Shawn to the apron and Michaels superkicks Edge back in, only to get knocked out by Batista. The crowd gasps HUGE at that and Shawn is about to cry. Shawn gets back in and superkicks the referee to vent some frustration. Shawn FINALLY leaves and Cena escapes the Batista Bomb before dumping Batista out. Edge misses the spear but throws out Cena a second later to go to Wrestlemania.

Rating: A-. This is kind of a hard one to grade. They definitely followed the three act structure which helped a lot and the match was VERY fast paced. I mean, the longest anyone was in there was Cena and he barely broke 20 minutes. The problem with that is it doesn’t give anything time to develop. The main story was Shawn which is fine and he would get to Mania at the end of the day anyway. It’s a really fun Rumble but not one of the best ever.

Overall Rating: B. The Rumble is very solid and the rest has nothing terrible so we’ll call it a good show overall. Things would get a lot more interesting soon after this with the rise of the Nexus and a very solid Wrestlemania. This was also a time of transition for the company as a lot of the guys in this show would be gone by the end of the year. Anyway good show here and worth checking out.

Ratings Comparison

Christian vs. Ezekiel Jackson

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Miz vs. MVP

Original: B-

Redo: D+

Sheamus vs. Randy Orton

Original: B

Redo: D+

Mickie James vs. Michelle McCool

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Undertaker vs. Rey Mysterio

Original: C-

Redo: B

Royal Rumble

Original: A

Redo: A-

Overall Rating

Original: A-

Redo: B

Dang I liked Sheamus a lot more than I thought I did.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/29/royal-rumble-count-up-2010-one-of-the-best-ever/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

 

Royal Rumble 2009
Date: January 25, 2009
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Attendance: 16,685
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Todd Grisham, Matt Striker, Tazz

This isn’t so much the Royal Rumble as much as it is HHH and Randy Orton are in a match and 28 other guys happen to be in the ring too. Other than that we have Edge challenging the NEW WWE Champion Jeff Hardy and Cena defending against JBL, who has Shawn Michaels and his crisis of conscience working for him at the moment. This wasn’t the best year for WWE so let’s get to it.

No intro video this year. That’s interesting.

ECW Title: Jack Swagger vs. Matt Hardy

Swagger won the title about two weeks ago and this is Hardy’s rematch. We actually get big match intros for this, which is a rare sight for an ECW Title match. Matt takes him into the corner to start before punching Jack in the face. Striker calls that a pugilistic endeavor to sound smart. Another punch sends Swagger to the floor and we head back inside for a clothesline from Matt.

Jack heads to the floor to hide after Matt swings again. Back in and Swagger takes Hardy to the mat and cranks on the arm a bit. Hardy comes back with a dropkick in the corner and a bulldog for two, only to go up and get shoved down to the floor. Back in and Swagger starts in on the arm but Hardy quickly escapes a key lock. A punch to Hardy’s arm blocks a clothesline and a big boot gets two for the champion.

Back to the key lock as Jack stays on the arm. He lifts Hardy off the mat by the arm a few times as the fans cheer for the challenger. Matt fights back but he’s basically fighting with one arm here. A bulldog puts Jack down for two and a middle rope elbow to Swagger’s back gets the same.

Hardy walks into a belly to belly suplex from Jack for two though and both guys are down. A DDT on the arm gets two for the champion but Matt blocks a belly to back superplex. Matt hits a decent looking moonsault for two and the fans are getting into these kickouts. The Twist is countered and Jack sends Matt shoulder and possibly head first into the post. The Swagger Bomb retains the title.

Rating: B-. Better match than I was expecting here with both guys looking good out there. Matt was getting close to being something decent as a singles guy and this was his way off ECW and onto Smackdown. Swagger would go on to win a world title and shock the world in the process before falling through the floor soon after. Solid opener here.

Orton arrives and gets glared at.

Women’s Title: Beth Phoenix vs. Melina

Melina is challenging and Beth has Santino with her here. Beth shoves her around to start before easily breaking out of a headlock. A LOUD Santino chant starts up as Beth throws Melina around. Melina comes back with a shot to the head but gets shoved down immediately again. The challenger hooks an armbar of all things but Beth easily stands up while Melina stands on her shoulder.

Melina gets on Beth’s shoulders again but Beth shoves her down in a crash. A running Umaga attack in the corner puts Melina down again and Beth is in full control. In a freaky looking move, Beth grabs Melina’s leg in a kind of ankle lock position and bends the leg forward to make Melina kick herself in the back of the head. FREAKING OW MAN! Melina escapes a gorilla press and fires off some forearms before getting two off a sunset flip. Two knees into Beth’s back have her staggered and a hair drag gets two. Out of nowhere, Melina grabs a spinning rollup for the pin and the title. As sudden as it sounds.

Rating: D+. Not terrible here and the girls looked good so I can’t complain much. That leg lock thing of Beth’s was SICK and it’s one of those moves that just looks painful all around. At the end of the day though, does it matter who has either of the female belts? They’re completely interchangeable and this one was retired the next year.

We recap JBL vs. Cena, which is basically the Shawn Michaels Story. Basically the story went that Shawn was crushed by the financial crash and JBL offered to hire him to help win the title. Shawn helped JBL win a #1 contenders match and the question is will he screw over Cena tonight and compromise his morals? There was a VERY real argument to be made for Shawn vs. JBL at Mania for the title, so this wasn’t a layup. The problem with this story is still there though: Shawn is a world class wrestler with the top company in the world….and he’s broke? He may have lost his savings but he’s not unemployed.

JBL tells Shawn is he wins the title tonight, Shawn is free with a huge payday and he can be in the Rumble tonight, which at the moment he isn’t. Bradshaw leaves and Taker shows up, saying that sometimes it’s a nightmare getting to Heaven.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Cena is defending in case you skipped the previous parts. We get the big match intros here and even a weapons check for old times’ sake. Cena takes him to the mat with a headlock to start but JBL counters into one of his own. A shoulder block puts JBL down and out to the floor as we take a breather. JBL whispers something to Shawn before heading back inside for some clubbing forearms to the back.

Cena slams him down for two though and we’re still in the early stages. JBL heads to the floor again but this time Cena goes after him. He runs into Shawn though and stops cold, allowing JBL to get in a shot to take over. Shawn didn’t move at all. Back in with JBL in control and a standing clothesline gets two. Presumably that one was only from Hoboken.

Off to a chinlock from the challenger as we keep things at JBL’s slow pace. A side slam gets two on Cena and he rolls out to the apron. Layfield knocks him to the floor and then sends him into the stairs for two back inside. Cena fights out of a superplex attempt and hits the top rope Fameasser for two of his own. The champ initiates his finishing sequence with all of his usual stuff including the Shuffle. Shawn hasn’t been a factor in the first nine minutes or so of the match.

JBL escapes the AA but gets caught in the STF instead. Shawn starts grabbing the ropes but doesn’t do anything. Cena lets go of the hold anyway, allowing JBL to kick Cena to the floor. JBL’s Clothesline gets two so he glares at Shawn for some reason. A quick AA attempt misses and JBL kicks the referee down by mistake. The Johns double clothesline each other and it’s time for the big moment.

Shawn gets in the ring and is staring at both guys. Both guys get up and Shawn superkicks John. As in the challenger/him employer. He also kicks the champion/the guy he was hired to take out before leaving. Shawn puts JBL’s arm across Cena, causing the fans to chant for the champ. Another referee comes out and gets a two count for Layfield and both guys get up. Cena hits a quick AA on JBL to retain.

Rating: C-. The match itself was pretty dull but the drama worked well enough to make up for it. At the end of the day, JBL simply wasn’t good enough at this point to hang in a world title match. Cena had to tone it WAY down to let JBL keep up with him and it showed badly. Still though, Shawn more than makes up for it and would go on to have a masterpiece with Taker at Mania so all is well and good.

We recap Edge vs. Hardy. Hardy shocked the world (including me) at Armageddon by winning the title, but a few weeks later he started having a string of “accidents” including having pyro go off in his face and nearly getting killed by a crazy driver. Everyone blamed Edge but he denied responsibility. The question is who is behind all this stuff. Hardy hasn’t had a match that I know of in the meantime. I went to a house show during this period and Hardy didn’t wrestle.

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Jeff Hardy

Vickie makes it No DQ for no apparent reason and Chavo is in Edge’s corner because he’s familia. Jeff spears Edge into the corner to start and pounds away as fast as he can. The fans almost immediately start chanting WE WANT CHRISTIAN. Now remember that line as I’ll get back to it later on. Christian had left TNA and word hadn’t broken yet on if he had signed with WWE yet (I don’t think). Anyway, Jeff tries to bring in a chair but Edge kicks it out of his hands before it gets inside.

Hardy pounds away but Edge gets in a shot to take over for the first time. Edge sends him to the floor but can’t hit a baseball slide, allowing Hardy to hit a clothesline off the apron. Back in and Jeff tries a springboard but gets kicked down to the floor for the third time. Edge rams him into various hard objects including tables and the barricade and then another table.

We head back inside again with Edge in full control including a spear in the corner. Jeff grabs a quick two off a sunset flip but gets clotheslined right back down. Off to a body vice by Edge to slow things down a bit. Jeff fights up and hits a mule kick before going up top, only to jump into a dropkick from Edge for two. Now Edge goes to get two chairs but Jeff spears him down off the apron before it can be brought in.

Edge gets back to the apron but gets pulled down into a Twist of Fate onto said apron, sending both guys down onto the floor. Since it’s Jeff vs. Edge, here’s a ladder. Jeff spreads Edge out on the table but Chavo climbs up to slow Jeff down. Edge moves, so Jeff hits a HUGE splash to put Chavo through the table instead. Back in and Jeff gets two off a high cross body. Edge gets up first and pulls a buckle off, only to get caught in the Whisper in the Wind for two.

Out of nowhere Edge counters the Twist into a DDT for a very close two. We’re pretty clearly in the final stages of this match which means it’s getting awesome. Edge counters the slingshot dropkick into a kind of hot shot into the exposed buckle for ANOTHER two. The spear is countered into a Twist of Fate so Jeff goes up. After kicking Vickie away, the Swanton hits but Vickie pulls the referee out. Cue Matt to send Vickie into the ring and pick up a chair. To the shock of a lot of people, Matt cracks Jeff with the chair to give Edge of all people the world title.

Rating: B. This too awhile to get going but once they hit their stride they started acting like Edge and Jeff Hardy in a big match. The No DQ stuff wasn’t needed here but it made things work a bit better. At the end of the day, these two work best when they can turn off the rules and go nuts, which is what they did here.

Now remember earlier that I mentioned Christian. He was originally supposed to be in Matt’s spot, setting up a reunion with Edge. However, WWE felt the fans figured this out so we got Matt in his place. This also happened in 2012 with Sheamus winning the Rumble instead of Jericho. Based on this theory, Shawn should have kept the title at Wrestlemania 14 because almost everyone knew that Austin was winning.

That makes no sense and I don’t get what they think this is accomplishing. It didn’t work out well for Russo and it won’t work out for the WWE. Matt vs. Jeff didn’t work at the end of the day, mainly because I don’t think people wanted to see them fight. I’ll give them this: they did come up with a logical reason for Matt to turn so it’s not a terrible idea. It just wasn’t the best option they had.

Orton says he’ll win. Jericho pops in to thank Orton for punting Vince on Monday but Randy will probably get fired for it.

Rumble by the numbers which is roughly the same as the previous year.

Royal Rumble

Mysterio is #1 and Morrison is #2. Rey kicks him in the face a few times to start but gets put on the apron for trying his sitout bulldog. A springboard cross body puts Morrison down and there’s a big headscissors to take Morrison down. John gets sent to the apron but hangs on by the top rope, even when Mysterio dropkicks him in the ribs. Carlito is #3 and is the second tag champion in here along with Morrison. Those titles would be unified at Mania.

Rey tries a standing moonsault but gets caught in a modified swinging neckbreaker instead. Carlito hits a gorgeous double jump moonsault to take Morrison down and stomping ensues. MVP, currently on a winning streak after losing forever, is #4. There’s Ballin on Morrison and a facebuster to Carlito. Rey get sent to the apron but he saves himself almost immediately.

Great Khali with the awesome dance music is #5. Everybody gets a chop and Khali poses a bit. Mysterio tries to springboard onto him and Carlito tries a Backstabber, both to no avail. Kozlov is #6 and immediately headbutts Khali out by himself. MVP misses a running kick in the corner and he’s gone too (BIG heat on Vlad for that). Carlito is gone after jumping into a spinebuster and Mysterio looks to be up next, but heeeeeeeeeere’s HHH at #7.

Since no one else can get a good match out of Kozlov, you know HHH is going to try his hand at him. They stare each other down and Kozlov hits the headbutt to take him down. The facebuster stuns Kozlov and HHH throws him out wise ease. It’s HHH, Morrison and Mysterio in there at the moment with Rey chilling in the corner. The knee to the face puts Morrison down and Orton is #8.

The battle of Evolution continues and the backbreaker puts HHH down. Both finishers are countered with Morrison breaking up the Pedigree. Rey hits a seated senton on Orton and the 619 on Morrison before JTG is in at #9. Orton tries to put Mysterio out as people start pairing off. Ted DiBiase, as in one of Orton’s lackeys, is #10. Mysterio and DiBiase immediately fight to the apron with Rey doing some gymnastics to stay alive.

Jericho is #11 and goes right for Orton. He can’t get him out so there’s a Lionsault to HHH instead. Jericho is knocked to the apron and Mike Knox is #12. Orton and DiBiase focus on JTG as Knox beats on Rey. HHH saves the masked dude for no apparent reason and Miz is #13. He goes right after JTG and hits something like the Skull Crushing Finale before going after the Game.

Morrison and Mysterio team up on Orton but John and Miz both take RKOs. There’s one for JTG but HHH hits a Pedigree to stop Randy dead. HHH dumps Miz and Morrison to prove how awesome he is and Finlay is #14. Jericho backdrops Mysterio to the floor but he lands on Morrison and hops onto Miz to get back to the ring. Finlay beats on everyone in the ring until Cody Rhodes, the other of Orton’s goons, is #15.

We currently have Mysterio, HHH, Orton, JTG, DiBiase, Jericho, Knox, Finlay and Rhodes. Legacy (the collective name of the trio) starts picking off people one at a time, starting with Finlay. They don’t actually put anyone out but they get to beat on everyone at least. Rey dives at Orton but gets caught in an RKO in a nice counter. The Undertaker is #16 and here come the punches. His only victim at this point is JTG to clear the ring out a bit.

Goldust of all people is in at #17 and immediately goes for DiBiase. Rhodes pulls his real life brother (Goldust) off so Goldie sends him to the apron a few times. That’s as far as he can get though as an RKO puts Goldust down and Rhodes gets to dump him out. Punk is #18 and happens to be the IC Champion at this point. There’s a GTS for HHH as RKO works on Y2J. Mysterio gets sent to the apron by Knox and Finlay works on Taker.

Mark Henry is #19 and throws a lot of people around but can’t get anybody out. Shelton Benjamin is #20 to fill the ring up even more. Jericho and Punk go up top for no apparent reason other than for Shelton to charge the corner and hit a kind of double DDT to bring them both back down. Billy Regal is #21 and goes right for Punk, who beat him for the IC Title a week or so again.

Mysterio dumps Henry off camera to thankfully get someone out of the ring. HHH is upside down in the corner but he winds up sitting on the apron. Here’s Kofi at #22 to speed things up as well as he can with so many people around him. Taker dumps Benjamin and Kane is #23. After beating up a few people he stares his brother down before they start working together to chokeslam some people.

Punk pulls Regal out and brags about it without getting thrown out. R-Truth is #24 and nothing happens. Rob Van Dam makes a one night only return at #25 after not having been seen in the WWE in about a year and a half. That at least wakes the crowd up but there are too many people in there for his style of stuff to work. He loads up the Five Star but Truth is too close so he has to bail out in mid air.

The Brian Kendrick is #26 back when he was actually a big deal. To show how big he is, he manages to dump Kofi and get thrown out by HHH in about fifteen seconds. Dolph Ziggler gets lucky #27 but only lasts about six seconds longer than Kendrick with Kane getting the point. Your future World Heavyweight Champion ladies and gentlemen. Santino is #28 and breaks Warlord’s record of two seconds in the Rumble by being clotheslined out by Kane before he can even stand up straight.

Jim Duggan makes his token Rumble appearance at #29 and he punches everything in sight, including knocking the Dead Man down. Big Show is #30, giving us a final group of Mysterio, HHH, Orton, DiBiase, Jericho, Knox, Finlay, Rhodes, Undertaker, Punk, Kane, R-Truth, RVD, Duggan and Big Show, or half the field in the entire match. Nearly everyone goes after him at once but it’s Duggan that gets tossed instead.

Jericho tries to put a sleeper on Show but it gets about as far as you would expect. Taker throws Punk to the apron as Show dumps Truth. Punk fires off some kicks and hangs on three times so Show finally knocks him out cold and out to the floor. Show knocks out Knox and Mysterio as Horny gets in for no apparent reason. Finlay tries to save him and gets dumped for his efforts at good parenting.

Jericho hits a Codebreaker on Kane and Orton hits the Elevated DDT on HHH. Taker and Show have their required staredown and RVD hits the Five Star on Orton. Jericho comes up behind Van Dam to dump him while Rob holds his ribs. That’s his last WWE appearance to date. Chris turns around and sees Taker who tosses him with glee. Legacy teams up to put Kane out and we’re down to Taker, Big Show, HHH and Legacy.

The trio surrounds Undertaker as HHH gets chokeslammed. Taker does the same to most of Legacy so the giants punch each other a lot until Show gets knocked to the apron and hangs on with his feet flying off the apron. THAT was cool. Not that it matters anyway as he gets RKO’ed out a few moments later but it still looked good. Show pulls Taker to the floor a minute later because that’s how he rolls.

So as people expected at the time, it’s HHH vs. Legacy for the Rumble. Taker and Show fight into the crowd for no apparent reason. HHH goes after Rhodes first but the numbers catch up with him. He gets beaten down and Orton says pick him up. The RKO is countered though and HHH sends Orton to the apron. There goes DiBiase and Rhodes follows, but Orton sneaks up on HHH and throws him out to win the Rumble.

Rating: D. This was one of the weaker Rumbles there’s ever been. For one thing, it was clear that Orton was going to win no matter what happened. Second and probably more important, they got caught in the classic Rumble trap of having WAY too many people in there at once. They didn’t even try the three act structure here and it showed badly. That’s something Pat Patterson was absolutely amazing at and he was gone by this point.

Overall Rating: C-. It’s clear that the company was in a transitional period here and that makes this a hard one to get through. There’s enough good stuff here to check it out, but it’s nothing worth going out of your way to see. The only really solid match is Edge vs. Hardy and even that is nothing really worth seeing. This is a rare instance where the Rumble didn’t dictate how the show went as the rest of it is a far easier sit than the Rumble itself.

Ratings Comparison

Jack Swagger vs. Matt Hardy

Original: B

Redo: B-

Melina vs. Beth Phoenix

Original: C-

Redo: D+

John Cena vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Original: C

Redo: C-

Edge vs. Jeff Hardy

Original: B-

Redo: B

Royal Rumble

Original: D

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: B+

Redo: C-

So let me get this straight: every match is literally within a single grade of the original but the original is nearly two grades higher? Dang I was REALLY feeling generous that day. A show with an hour long match that gets a D doesn’t sound like a B+ overall to me.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/28/royal-rumble-count-up-2009-the-voices-tell-me-no-one-but-orton-has-a-chance/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Royal Rumble 2002
Date: January 20, 2002
Location: Phillips Arena, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 12,915
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is the first step to things falling downhill, as we’re a few months away from the Brand Split and things falling through the floor in quality. The main event tonight aside from the Rumble is Jericho defending his newly won Undisputed Title (which he won by beating the Rock and Steve Austin IN THE SAME NIGHT in case you didn’t know that) against Rock. HHH is back in the ring tonight also (he may have fought on Smackdown before this but I don’t think he did) so let’s get to it.

The opening video has clips of various Rumble wins in a photo album kind of theme. The theme for this year’s show is 30 Men, 1 Winner. I’ve heard worse ideas which we’ll get too very soon.

Tag Titles: Spike Dudley/Tazz vs. Dudley Boys

Spike and Tazz are defending here in a reign that I don’t think anyone ever remembers. The Dudleys beat up Spike recently so he’s in a neck brace. The Dudleys attack to start and hit the belly to back neckbreaker on Tazz on the floor. It’s Bubba vs. Spike to start things off in a handicap match for all intents and purposes. Bubba rips the neck brace off and drops a big elbow.

Bubba shouts at Spike to get up as we get a very nice shot of Stacy. Tazz is back on the apron as D-Von hits a Hennig necksnap of all things. Bubba loads up a second brainbuster on Spike but gets countered into a Dudley Dog for no cover. The tag to Tazz is missed so Spike has to take a double flapjack instead. Spike avoids a headbutt from D-Von and makes the Dudleys clothesline each other. Hot tag brings in Tazz to clean house with suplexes. A big boot to Bubba’s head sets up a top rope cross body by Spike for two. Stacy interferes and gets put in the Tazmission. D-Von gets caught in the same hold and the champions retain.

Rating: D+. I have no idea what the point of this being on PPV was as it barely broke five minutes. Nothing with Stacy with the Dudleys can be bad, but this came about as close as you can get. Actually scratch that as it wasn’t so much bad but just short. I have no idea why this wasn’t on Raw or something like that. Tazz would be retired very soon after this due to a horrible neck.

We immediately go to a recap of Regal vs. Edge which is based on Regal using brass knuckles over and over again. Edge got fed up with it and beat up a lot of people with a chair.

Edge has a chair with him tonight to counter the knuckles. Apparently he broke Regal’s nose recently.

Intercontinental Title: Edge vs. William Regal

Edge is defending. The referee checks Regal over and over again for knuckles and finds them in his trunks. Well you can’t say he didn’t do his job. The referee stupidly puts them on the ring post instead of like, giving them to someone to take to the back or something. Edge pounds away to start and chokes with his boot in the corner. He goes after Regal’s bad nose as Lawler claims conspiracy.

Regal comes back with a clothesline but Edge kicks him in the back to put both guys down. Being the British dude that he is, Regal suplexes Edge down for two. Make that four. Uh six. Yet somehow that isn’t three. Off to an arm trap chinlock followed by a hard forearm to put the champion down again. A double arm powerbomb hits Edge for two and they head to the apron. Edge busts out a DDT onto said apron, further injuring Regal’s nose.

Back in and they ram heads to put both guys down as the match continues to drag at a slow pace. Edge wins a slugout and takes Regal down with a spinwheel kick and a suplex for two. Regal suplexes him down as well, only for Edge to hit a big old clothesline for two more. The Regal Stretch goes on out of nowhere but Edge reverses into a terrible version of his own to no avail. A top rope spinwheel kick puts Regal down but he finds another set of brass knuckles. Instead of swinging them though, he pulls the referee in the way of Edge’s spear. Regal clocks Edge and wins the title.

Rating: D+. This didn’t click at all. Regal didn’t seem interested in selling at all and Edge wasn’t ready to carry a match by himself yet. He was getting to the point where he could but it would take a summer of feuding with Eddie to get him up to that point. Regal wouldn’t really do anything with the belt other than lose it to RVD. Nothing to see here.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Jazz

Jacqueline is referee for absolutely no apparent reason and Trish is defending. Jazz is basically being a bully and has injured Trish’s hand coming into this. Jazz jumps Trish to start but misses a splash, giving Trish two off a rollup. A modified hot shot slows the champ down again and a legdrop gets two. Jazz works on the bad hand for a bit but Jackie pulls them out of the ropes. Jackie of course makes it all about herself and won’t count a cover on Trish. Stratusfaction hits out of nowhere for two and Jazz is up a few seconds later, basically no selling it. Trish hits a bad looking running bulldog to retain.

Rating: D. It was short, it was sloppy, the ending was stupid and Jackie was in it. What other kind of grade do you expect here? Stratus was starting to get better but it would take another year and Lita before she got amazing. Jazz was a pretty stupid pick to bring over to WWE as no one remembered her and she didn’t have the looks to back up any lack of hype. Bad match here.

Flair says he’ll win.

We recap Vince vs. Flair. Flair debuted after Survivor Series as the new co-owner of the company and has driven Vince crazy since. This led up to a street fight tonight between the two of them tonight which isn’t as big a deal as they were shooting for I don’t think. The highlight of it was Vince dressing up as Flair and saying destroying lives turned him on.

Ric Flair vs. Vince McMahon

Remember this is a street fight. Vince shoves him down to start and struts, so Flair punches him down and struts as well. Flair wins a chop battle in the corner (duh) so Vince goes to the eyes to escape. There’s the Flair Flop followed by a Flair Flip in the corner as Vince is in full control. We head to the floor and get our first weapon shot, with Vince pounding on Ric with a metal Keep Off sign.

There’s a trashcan shot to the head and Flair is busted open. How thin must the skin on his forehead be? Anyway, Vince steals a camera from someone to take a picture of Flair’s cut before we head back inside. Since he’s a jerk, Vince starts working over the knee in (less skilled) Flair fashion. The leg is wrapped around the post and Vince puts on a Figure Four that Dusty Rhodes would be jealous of.

Flair turns the hold over and Vince IMMEDIATELY lets go of the hold. So not only is he better at it than some wrestlers, he’s also smart. Never let it be said that Vince doesn’t know what he’s doing. Vince bails to the floor and grabs a lead pipe that he used to bust Flair open in the build up to the match. Flair catches him coming in with a low blow and pounds away on the floor.

Vince takes a monitor shot to the head and in a weird spot, we see a replay on the monitor on the table as the live match goes on. Vince is busted open now and we head back inside. Scratch that as we go back outside immediately where Flair’s family takes pictures of Vince’s cut. Set it up earlier, pay it off later. Good move. Back in and Flair kicks him low again just because he can, cracks him in the head with the pipe and ends it with the Figure Four.

Rating: C+. At the end of the day, this match makes as much sense as almost anything you’ll see. Vince controlled at the beginning, but at the end of the day he’s a boss and Flair is a veteran wrestler and athlete. It makes sense for him to be able to shrug that off and destroy Vince with relative ease once he got the upper hand. On top of that we got some good blood and Vince getting hit in the balls so how can this not be entertaining?

Stephanie talks trash about everyone else in the Rumble and runs down Debra as well. Austin walks up and WHAT’s her away. Cole gets a bit of it too. This is when the bit was brand new and still kind of funny, as opposed to now when it ruins almost every serious promo.

No highlight package for the world title match? For those of you not around in 2002 (LUCKY!), Jericho won the title in December, beating Rock along the way. It makes sense for Rock to get the first shot, especially since they feuded over the end of the year.

WWF World Title: The Rock vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho still has both titles because HHH wasn’t there to win the first Undisputed Title and get the new belt. Rock decks him immediately and the champ heads to the floor, only to run back in and get punched some more. Jericho misses a charge and hits the post but pulls off a hot shot out of nowhere to give himself a breather. They trade strikes in the corner before Jericho hits a spinwheel kick to Rocky’s arms for two.

A suplex gets two for Jericho and for some reason Rock’s left thumb is sticking out. The champ unhooks a buckle but can’t get the Walls. A missile dropkick gets two on Rock and it’s off to the chinlock. That goes on for a good while so Chris goes up again, only to get crotched and superplexed. A belly to belly suplex gets two for Rock but Jericho clotheslines him down and hits the Lionsault. Due to high reasons of arrogance, Jericho waits forever to cover and fights with the referee after getting two.

Another dropkick attempt by Jericho is caught in a Sharpshooter, but here’s Lance Storm for a distraction while Jericho taps. Christian comes in as well and is promptly punched out by Rock. Jericho hits a Rock Bottom on Rock for two and the frustration begins. The champ loads up a People’s Elbow but Rock nips up and sends Jericho out to the floor.

Both guys are rammed into both announce tables before Jericho’s Rock Bottom attempt is countered into an AWESOME looking Rock Bottom by Rock from one table through the other. That only gets two back inside before Jericho counters another Rock Bottom into the Liontamer (yes I said Liontamer instead of the Walls). Ok now it’s the Walls, which allows Rock to make the rope.

The jumping clothesline takes the referee down by mistake, allowing Jericho to blast Rock with the belt. Another referee slides in and gets two off that and Rock DDTs Jericho down. Rock covers….and Nick Patrick won’t count. There’s a Rock Bottom for his efforts and a People’s Elbow for Jericho but there’s no referee. Rock checks on Hebner, allowing Jericho to hit him low, send him into the Chekov’s Gun in the shape of an exposed turnbuckle. All that plus a rollup with his feet on the ropes is enough for Jericho to retain the title.

Rating: B. This took awhile to get going but once things picked up it turned into what you would expect from Rock vs. Jericho in a nearly 20 minute match. The overbooking worked here as Jericho needed something to boost him up to Rock’s level, which is what you’re supposed to do as a heel. Good stuff here and a very fine title match.

Shawn Michaels, in a really stupid looking Texas flag shirt, is at WWF New York. He picks Taker or Austin to win the Rumble.

Video on the Rumble. The main picks to win are Taker, HHH, Angle and Austin.

Royal Rumble

Rikishi and Goldust are #1 and #2 respectively and we’ve got two minute intervals. Goldie walks around Rikishi to start and gets punched in the face for his efforts. Rikishi knocks him around for a bit but can’t quite drop the big load on Goldie’s chest. A backdrop puts Goldust on the apron and Boss Man is #3, making it 2-1 against Rikishi. Goldust gets punched in the face but Boss Man pounds Rikishi into the corner. The heels explode after a long one minute partnership.

Bradshaw is #4 and hopefully he can pick things up a bit. He beats up everyone as Rikishi loads up the Stinkface on Boss Man. A superkick and a clothesline put Boss Man out and there’s a Samoan Drop to Bradshaw. Goldie pounds away on Bradshaw in the corner and gets powerbombed for his efforts. Lance Storm is #5 and absolutely nothing of note happens until Al Snow (on Tough Enough at this point) is #6. Bradshaw kills Storm with the Clothesline as the fans want Head.

Billy of Billy and Chuck is #7 and we’re still waiting on something to happen. The fans are still into this at least so it’s not a failure at this point. Storm and Snow fight to the apron with Snow superkicking Lance to an elimination. Billy dumps Bradshaw and Undertaker is finally #8 to pick things up a bit. A chokeslam kills Billy (the third in the series, not starring Uma Thurman) and another one puts out Goldust. Snow and Rikishi are dumped out and Billy follows them, leaving Undertaker alone to a big reaction. He’s evil here in case you’re not up on Taker history.

Matt Hardy is #9, which is interesting as Taker injured both Hardys and Lita. The redhead gets in along with Matt and helps him take the big man down via a low blow. Matt hits a Twist of Fate and stomps away but can’t get Taker out. Naturally Jeff Hardy is #10 because that’s how the TOTALLY RANDOM draw works in the Rumble.

Taker slugs down one of the best tag teams ever in just a few seconds, only to get caught in the Twist/Swanton combo. Again, why would you use moves that keep a giant on the mat? Not that it matters as Poetry in Motion is caught and Jeff is easily thrown out. The Last Ride kills Matt and he’s gone too, leaving Taker alone again. The clock during that segment was REALLY long too as they were roughly three minutes each to get the whole segment in.

Maven from Tough Enough is #11 but Lita is on the apron. Taker PUNCHES her down, drawing the Hardys back in. Taker dumps both of them again, but Maven dropkicks Undertaker in the back and eliminates him in arguably the biggest surprise elimination ever in the Rumble. The look on the Dead Man’s face is hilarious as he has absolutely no emotion at all. He calmly turns around, gets back in the ring, and mauls Maven, sending him through the ropes to the floor. A HUGE chair shot cracks Maven’s head and the beating continues until Scotty 2 Hotty is #12.

Taker punches Scotty down and throws Maven back in to eliminate him, which under old Rumble rules would count. The beating goes into the crowd as there’s nothing in the ring at the moment. Christian is #13 but has no one to fight because Scotty is still down. Instead we go to the back where Maven is rammed face first into a popcorn machine. Taker eats a handful of popcorn and finally leaves Maven alone.

Scotty gets in and walks into a DDT as DDP is #14. Nothing of note continues to happen until Scotty superkicks Page through the ropes to the floor and hits the Worm on Christian. Page sneaks back in and throws Scotty out as Chuck is #15. They all beat on each other for a bit with Christian and Chuck teaming up for a bit. Godfather, now the owner of an escort service in an attempt to salvage the gimmick, is #16 and brings out 12 good looking women with him. Page is eliminated off camera during this.

With Godfather in the ring after about 15 seconds due to dancing, Albert is #17. He’s the Hip Hop Hippo at this point and lasts about 45 seconds before being tossed by the villains. Godfather is dumped soon thereafter, and here’s Saturn at #18. Chuck and Perry slug it out as the fans cheer for the Ho’s leaving. Nothing happens again, until Austin is #19. Chuck is the first victim, getting stomped down in the corner. There goes Christian, Saturn gets a Stunner, Chuck is eliminated, Saturn is dumped, Christian gets thrown back in, Stunned and thrown out again, Chuck gets the same as Christian, and Austin takes a breather.

Val Venis is #20 (and also returning) and things go about as you would expect, although Val does get in some offense and survives until Test is #21. A double teaming lasts for a bit until Austin remembers who he’s fighting and dumps both guys in a few seconds. Austin does his watch bit when no one is in the ring with him. Notice the difference between the big stars and the regular guys: the big ones are CONSTANTLY trying to keep the audience entertained instead of letting them die.

Speaking of entertaining the crowd, HHH is #22. The entrance takes about a minute and a half, they stare at each other for about twenty more seconds, and the slugout only lasts for a few seconds until Hurricane is #23. Luckily for him, the legends knock each other down so Hurricane can tries a double chokeslam. The look on Austin’s face is hilarious as the two of them dump Hurricane with ease.

Austin and HHH chop each other in the corner until Faarooqq is #24 and lasts about that many seconds. Mr. Perfect makes a surprise return at #25 to a big surprise reaction from the audience. He looks a bit, shall we say, tipsy here. Perfect chills on the floor a bit as JR makes a mistake, saying Perfect debuted at the Rumble in 1993. In reality he was #4 in 1989. Austin and HHH double team Perfect to no avail so here’s Angle at #26, drawing the rare double chant of YOU SUCK WHAT.

HHH and Angle pair off as do the other two guys and the match slows down a bit. Kurt starts suplexing people but can’t dump HHH because Austin makes the save due to reasons of a big ego. Big Show is #27 in his one piece women’s swimsuit. Angle gets chokeslammed so Austin and HHH double team the big man to limited avail. HHH saves Angle, presumably because he wants Kurt’s help to get Show out. Makes sense I guess.

Show dominates everyone until Kane is #28. HHH gets chokeslammed so we can have our battle of the giants. Jerry: “They’re not getting any smaller are they JR?” Uh yeah Jerry, actually they are. They do the double chokeslam spot but Kane kicks Show low and picks him up, slamming him to the floor. AWESOME display of strength there, but Angle immediately dumps Kane to get us back down to four.

Van Dam is #29 and hits a Five Star on Angle who is down from something we didn’t see. Everyone but HHH gets kicked down so he hits a Pedigree to put Van Dam down. Booker T is #30, giving us a final group of Booker, RVD, Angle, Perfect, HHH and Austin. Booker throws out RVD without having to do anything else thanks to the Pedigree. We get a Spinarooni, followed by a Stunner and elimination to get us down to Austin, Angle, HHH and Perfect.

Austin hits a slingshot into the post on HHH who walks into an Angle Slam. Angle rolls some Germans on Austin and the C/Kurts try to dump Austin. Austin hits some HARD right hands to break that up but as he tries to dump Perfect, Angle runs up and dumps the Rattlesnake. Austin pulls Perfect to the floor but Kurt sends Austin into the steps to break it up. Steve still isn’t done as he comes back in with a chair for all three guys. Eh he’s Austin so he can get away with it.

Angle accidentally clothesline Hennig but doesn’t eliminate him. There’s the PerfectPlex (BIG pop for that) to Kurt but HHH dumps Perfect a second later. Angle and HHH stare each other down and the Game pounds away on him to take over. Kurt gets HHH to the apron but can’t get the win. HHH chokes away but charges into a backdrop, sending him to the apron. Kurt makes the classic mistake of not making sure the other guy is out and gets clotheslined to the floor, giving HHH the Rumble. For you trivia guys, this is the longest Rumble ever to date, even going 11 seconds longer than the 40 man version.

Rating: C+. This has some very bad spots in it but the rest of the stuff is solid all around. Once Austin gets in there things pick up a lot, but the 18 guys before him don’t do much. Taker’s elimination came too fast which hurt things here, as there was no one of note from #9 until Austin at #19. Still though, the good stuff here was good enough to check this out, but you might want to fast forward some parts of it.

Overall Rating: B-. This is a pretty good but certainly not great show. 2002 was a bad year for the company on Raw and things were clearly starting to look weak here. The main problem was the lack of elevation of anyone new to the main event in the year, as the main events for almost every PPV were people who had been there before. There’s nothing on here that’s required viewing but there’s also nothing terrible on here either. Check it out but don’t expect to be blown away.

Ratings Comparison

Spike Dudley/Tazz vs. Billy and Chuck

Original: C-
Redo: D+

William Regal vs. Edge

Original: C-
Redo: D+

Trish Stratus vs. Jazz

Original: D+
Redo: D

Ric Flair vs. Vince McMahon

Original: D+
Redo: C+

Chris Jericho vs. The Rock

Original: B+
Redo: B

Royal Rumble

Original: C-
Redo: C+

Overall Rating

Original: B-
Redo: B-

Yep, about the same for the most part here.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Royal Rumble 1998
Date: January 18, 1998
Location: San Jose Arena, San Jose, California
Attendance: 18,542
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the year of Austin and for once, the WWF is looking good going forward as the debcale that was the main event of Starrcade has caused WCW to hit a brick wall. The main event tonight is Shawn defending the title against Taker because he didn’t want to face Owen Hart, the most logical opponent. Also there’s the Rumble, which is obvious of a winner as there’s been in years, but in this case that’s ok. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about the two main matches as you would expect. The rest of the card doesn’t mean much anyway.

Mike Tyson is in a skybox.

Vader vs. The Artist Formerly Known As Goldust

This is during Goldie’s midlife crisis/PAY ATTENTION TO ME phase. These two had a great match at Clash of the Champions so maybe this won’t suck. Goldust jumps him as Jerry is glad the gold one is in men’s clothing again. Vader shrugs off the shots to the back and chases Goldust to the floor. Vader rams him into Luna as we hear about Austin not being here yet. Goldust is sent into the steps as Vader keeps control.

Back in and Luna trips Vader up, finally allowing Goldie to get in a clothesline. Another clothesline puts him down and Goldust works on the leg a bit. Goldie drops a middle rope elbow to the ribs and we head back to the floor. Vader is sent into the steps so Luna can choke him a bit before we head back in. Goldust pounds away again but stops to kiss Vader. I may not be a pro wrestler, but I know better than to kiss a guy called the Rocky Mountain Monster.

Vader kills him with a clothesline and suplexes Goldust down before getting two off a splash. Vader loads up the Vader Bomb but a low blow stops him cold. Another clothesline puts Goldie down again and Vader sits on his chest. He loads up the Bomb again and despite Luna jumping in his back, Vader drops it anyway and crushes Goldust for the pin.

Rating: D. The place popped for the ending which did look cool, but other than that this was a messed up match. Goldust in this gimmick didn’t really work because at the end of the day, he’s still boring old Dustin Rhodes working the same standard style. It’s not horrible but it’s not a good choice to have on a PPV.

Austin gets here and tells Cole to park his truck. Southern Justice (the heel Godwinns) follow him, presumably to jump him.

Max Mini/Mosaic/Nova vs. Battalion/El Torito/Tarantula

Minis here with Sunny as the referee. Max Mini (more famous as Mascarita Sagrada) is by far the most famous of these guys as he’s about 4 and a half feet tall but can move around very quickly. Nova and Tarantula start things off with Tarantula (on the heel team) being way bigger. Nova takes him down with some headscissors before it’s quickly off to Batallion (military themed guy) vs. Max. Max armdrags him to the floor which brings in Torito, meaning we’re in lucha rules (meaning sending someone to the floor means another member of your team can come in without an actual tag).

Torito can actually get his head over the top rope, meaning he’s just under the size of Rey Mysterio. Mosaic comes in and gets caught in a gorilla press and a release flapjack. A second flapjack attempt is caught in a wrist drag to send Torito to the floor and it’s off to Tarantula. That goes nowhere so here’s Battalion again. The fast tags continue as here’s Nova vs. Torito already.

They both hit the floor so Mosaic speeds things up against Battalion again. Mosaic spins him around again a few times before it’s back to Mini vs. Tarantula. Max gets caught in a spinebuster but goes up top almost immediately for a delayed rana. Max sends him to the floor and Tarantula backs off. Back in and Torito hits a Mafia kick to the back of Max’s head and a chop puts him down again.

For no apparent reason Sunny picks Max up so he can dropkick the villains. I can only assume Sunny is there to give the fans anything to care about. Mosaic and Battalion go to the floor as does Torito so Max can hit his big dive. The others dive on them as well and it’s a big pile on the floor. Back in Max rolls up Torito for the pin.

Rating: C. I’m going with a C because I have no idea what else to go with. I don’t know who these people are, I have no idea why I should care, and I might have seen these guys twice other than this (aside from Max). These matches are really hard to get into because there’s nothing to them. Much like a lot of the luchador matches in WCW had the same issue: why should I care about these people?

The Nation goes to attack Austin but only find an Austin foam finger.

The McMahons are in Tyson’s sky box.

We recap Shamrock vs. Rock. Shamrock has charged through the Nation to get this shot at the unofficial leader of the team. Mark Henry joined the Nation to save Rock from Shamrock less than a week ago.

The Nation argues over which of them will win the Rumble. Rock says the fans of course want to know what he thinks of Clinton and Paula Jones, so he tells the President not to lie down with dogs or you might get fleas. This joke would be done way better over the next few weeks.

Intercontinental Title: The Rock vs. Ken Shamrock

Rock is defending of course. Feeling out process to start with Rocky trying to get a cheap shot in the corner. Both guys shove the other into the corner and Shamrock blocks a shot to the face before hitting one of his own. They run the ropes a bit until Shamrock kicks him in the chest and knocks the champion out to the floor. Back in and Rock pounds away a bit before hitting a corner clothesline. Ken comes back with some clotheslines of his own but the standing clothesline is countered into a hot shot for two.

They’re trying to get out of first gear here but it’s really not working that well. The champ pounds on him in the corner and but gets caught in a fisherman’s suplex for two. Back to the floor with Shamrock going into the steps and then back into the ring. The spinning DDT gets two for Rock and it’s off to the chinlock. Rock tries the spinning DDT again but gets caught in a northern lights suplex for two instead.

Shamrock pounds away some more and gets two off a powerslam. The Nation comes out and sneaks Rocky some knuckles whick go upside Ken’s head for two. Rock hides said knuckles in Shamrock’s trunks, just before getting belly to bellied for the pin and the title. Keep that in mind of course.

Rating: D+. Rock would get better, but at the end of the day this didn’t work that well. It was mainly punching with both guys trying to throw in a move here or there. This feud never quite worked as well as they were shooting for I don’t think and with Rocky holding the title forever, it didn’t do Shamrock much good either.

Post match the referee finds the knuckles and reverses the decision. The referee is beaten up very badly for his efforts.

A Coliseum Video Exclusive from “moments later” show a clean and dry Shamrock in jeans attacking the Rock.

Los Boricuas attack someone that they think is Austin but find one of the Disciples of Apocalypse. Brawling ensues.

We recap the LOD vs. the Outlaws, which is old school vs. new with the Outlaws defending the titles. The Outlaws put a big old beating on the LOD and tonight is their return.

Tag Titles: New Age Outlaws vs. Legion of Doom

The Outlaws make fun of the 49ers who lost in the NFC Title game recently to the Packers. The LOD says that Animal’s back is fine and they’re putting the Outlaws on ice tonight. The Outlaws jump the challengers which goes badly in a hurry, as Animal powerbombs the Dogg. The champions try to walk out but get thrown back in so we can start with Hawk (who had one mohawk shaved off earlier in this feud) vs. Roadie.

Off to Animal as Road Dogg’s mouth is bleeding. The pounding continues so here’s Hawk for his one wrestling move in the neckbreaker. Gunn gets the tag and Hawk hits a freaking Lou Thesz Press of all things so he can pound away some more. Animal powerslams both Outlaws down and it’s off to a reverse chinlock on Gunn. Hawk comes in for his second surprise move of the match in an STF.

That goes nowhere so it’s back to Animal, who is tripped up by Roadie. They head outside where Animal is sent into the steps to finally switch the momentum. Hawk gets double teamed in the ring but clotheslines both Outlaws down (Animal is still legal) but charges into the post. Dogg finds some handcuffs and attaches Hawk to the post, making it a handicap match. Animal makes a comeback with a double clothesline, but Dogg hits him with a chair for the DQ.

Rating: D. So with an injury AND his partner tied up on the floor, Animal STILL couldn’t lay down for a pin? Seriously? This match sucked and would have been just slightly better on Raw with less time. The LOD was nothing at this point while the Outlaws were finally starting to turn some heads. Until this point though, they were two jobbers with the titles who kept escaping with them. Brighter days were coming.

The Outlaws destroy Animal until Hawk snaps the handcuffs to make the save.

Some fan wins the Austin truck.

We recap the build up to the Rumble. Basically, everyone knows Austin is going to win and EVERYONE else in the Rumble is trying to stop him but not one has been able to slow him down at all. The only difference here: the fans were eating this stuff up with a spoon.

Royal Rumble

Cactus Jack is #1 and Chainsaw Charlie (Terry Funk) is #2. The intervals are supposed to be two minutes again this year but they would wind up being closer to 90 seconds. Terry brings his chainsaw into the ring so Cactus throws in a bunch of chairs. The referee finally gets the saw out and they pound on each other with chairs. Cactus hits Funk in the head with one, then hands the chair to Funk so he can return the favor. These two aren’t exactly normal if you didn’t catch that.

Tom Brandi is #3 and lasts about ten seconds. Terry punches Jack down but can’t piledrive him on a chair. Cactus suplexes him through two chairs but can’t put him out. Rock is #4 and both hardcore guys are down. Rock pounds on Terry in the corner but Cactus blasts him with a trashcan and the double beating begins. Cactus puts the can over Rock’s head and they pound away on him, knocking him through through ropes and out to the floor. Funk hits Cactus low as Mosh is #5.

Mosh and Funk pair off as do the other two guys. Funk (the announcers are calling him that too) tries a moonsault but it winds up being more of a headbutt than a splash. Phineas Godwinn is #6 and helps Rock beat up Mosh. Not much happens for a bit until 8-Ball of the DOA is #7. Jack misses a charge and Funk backdrops him out to empty the ring out a bit. Apparently someone who might have been Ken Shamrock has attacked Austin.

Funk barely hangs onto the rope to avoid elimination until Blackjack Bradshaw (yes that Bradshaw) is #8 and looking as muscular as you’ll ever see him look. We talk about Mike Tyson while things slow down a bit until Owen Hart is #9. Jeff Jarrett, the NWA North American Champion at the time in a strange invasion angle, attacks Owen on his way in. Yeah this is what Owen gets for not bolting to WCW after the Montreal Screwjob. Yes I know he was under contract but you know Vince couldn’t hold him to it in that situation. Hart can’t get in the ring yet.

Steve Blackman is #10 and he has a hairy chest. 8-Ball piledrives Funk as there are way too many guys in the ring right now. Since people seem content to just tease eliminations on the ropes, no one is eliminated until D’Lo Brown is #11. Rock DESTROYS Blackman in the corner before getting in a fight with his Nation teammate D’Lo. Kurrgan, still a psycho monster at this point, is #12.

Thankfully he gets rid of some people like Mosh and….that’s about it for now. Dang it clear the ring out a little bit already. You’re a monster Kurrgan. Go destroy some villager. Marc Mero is #13, giving us a pop for Sable. Mero pounds away on Blackman in the corner but Kurrgan dumps Steve. Bradshaw pounds on Kurrgan as Rock teases not stomping his teammate before kicking away.

Ken Shamrock is #14 and he immediately kicks Kurrgan down. A big gang takes out Kurrgan as Rock hits the People’s Elbow (not yet named) on Funk. Thrasher is #15, giving us Funk, Rock, Phineas, 8-Ball, Bradshaw, Owen (not in the ring), Brown, Mero, Shamrock and Thrasher, or as they’re collectively known, WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE. Still nothing happens and Mankind is #16, confusing the announcers and immediately punching Funk out.

Shamrock finally gets his hands on the Rock as Mero asks Sable for praise. Goldust is #17 in a silver bodysuit with a thong painted on. A minute or so later he puts out Mankind but there are still way too many people out there. Jeff Jarrett is #18 and Owen runs in to beat him down. A spinwheel kick puts Jeff down, followed by Owen skinning the cat and dumping Jeff. Honky Tonk Man is #19 as HHH (on crutches) and Chyna come to the ring. Rock dumps Shamrock to complete Ken’s humilation tonight.

HHH gets on the apron and cracks Owen with his crutch to knock Hart out as well. Ahmed Johnson is #20, looking as bored as I can remember a wrestler looking in a long time. WAY too many people in the ring again. Mark Henry of the Nation is #21 and JR says Henry is “handling the big Johnson.” There’s no #22 which was supposed to be Skull, but he was jumped earlier remember.

Johnson is dumped out and he still doesn’t look like he cares. He would be gone next month anyway. Phineas is out after a ridiculous 28 minutes. On top of being in too long, he accidentally kicks a referee in the head on the way down, giving him a legit concussion. Kama Mustafa is #23 to give the Nation four members at the moment. We’re just waiting for Austin at this point.

FINALLY the glass shatters at #24 and the roof goes off the place. Austin comes in through the crowd because he’s got ten people waiting on him as he comes in. There go Mero and 8-Ball and things slow down AGAIN, because we need at least ten people in the match at all times for some reason. Henry Godwinn is #25 and nothing happens. Savio Vega is #26, but since we STILL don’t have enough people in the ring at the moment, he brings in the other three Boricuas to beat on Austin.

Thankfully Austin beats them out quickly but doesn’t eliminate anyone. Faarooq is #27 to give us the entire Nation in the ring. He goes right for the other Nation members though as his face turn continues. Not that anyone cares mind you but he is indeed turning. Austin and Rock tumble through the ropes through the floor to brawl a bit because that’s what those two guys do.

Dude Love is #28 to complete the running joke of the match. He immediately puts out Bradshaw as Goldust is on the floor but not eliminated. You can’t see most of the mat because of how many people are in the ring at the moment. Austin pounds on Rock even more with Rock falling to the floor again. Chainz of DOA is #29 as Faarooq puts Brown out. More brawling ensues until Vader completes the field at #30. This gives us a final group of….hang on I need a breath first…..Rock, Thrasher, Goldust, Honky Tonk Man, Mark Henry, Kama, Austin, Henry Godwinn, Vega, Faarooq, Dude Love, Chainz and Vader, or THIRTEEN PEOPLE.

Vader immediately pounds on Goldust and dumps Honky a few seconds later. Austin dumps Thrasher after an insanely too long 28 minutes. Austin puts out Kama to finally clear the ring out a bit. There goes Vega at Austin’s hands as well before Goldust dumps Vader. Godwinn goes out as well before Faarooq puts out Henry. We’re down to Rock, Austin, Love and Faarooq as Chainz was put out by Austin off camera.

The Nation members are thrown together and Rock gets hit by Sweet Shin Music and the double arm DDT. Austin hits Dude low and Faarooq throws Love out. Rock puts out Faarooq to give us Austin vs. Rock. They slug it out and Rock is thrown to the apron. Austin is fine with Stunning him and throwing him out to go on to Wrestlemania where he would claim his destiny.

Rating: D+. Austin was awesome as he always was in 1998, but the rest of this match pretty much sucked. As I said over and over, there were way too many people in there for the most part. Also you had WAY too many people getting time they didn’t deserve. I mean did anyone need to see Phineas, 8-Ball, Bradshaw, D’Lo Brown and Thrasher all getting over 28 minutes? Not much to see here other than Austin and Foley’s funny bit.

Tyson celebrates “Cole Stone” Steve Austin winning the Rumble.

We recap Shawn vs. Undertaker. Basically they feuded extensively in the fall but then after Montreal, Shawn didn’t want to face Owen for a fear of him trying to legit hurt him. Therefore they rehashed Undertaker vs. Shawn for the title here in a casket match. Most of the video here is about the first Cell match, which is still amazing stuff. Oh and one more thing: DX (still just three people at this point) attacked Taker on Raw but Kane had saved his brother, uniting with him for the first time ever. That was six days ago, and remember that a certain Vince Russo is booking.

WWF World Title: Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels

Like I said, Shawn is defending and this is a casket match. Taker throwing the lights back on makes Shawn jump out of the ring. It’s a brawl to start and Taker immediately grabs Shawn by the throat. Shawn punches his way out of it but jumps into another choke by Taker. An attempt at putting Michaels in the casket doesn’t work, but a backdrop that put Michaels out of action for four and a half years by slamming his spine onto the casket does work.

Shawn slowly gets up and is kicked into the casket but he immediately bounces out. We head back in with Taker missing an elbow but hitting Old School. Shawn gets whipped into the corner for the Flair Flip to the floor, which is probably the last move he needed to do at this point. Back in and Shawn dives into a powerslam but Taker still can’t slam the lid shut. Shawn comes out throwing powder and manages to get a breather. Taker is sent knees first into the steps and Shawn smashes the challenger’s back with the steps.

A piledriver on the steps actually works for Shawn but he’s got a broken back and can’t follow up. HHH whacks Taker with the crutch (where is Owen if he’s so angry?) as Shawn stays in full control. Back in and a jumping back elbow puts Taker down but he fights out of the casket. Shawn neckbreakers Taker before putting on a sleeper which is eventually countered into a Saito Suplex.

The forearm from Shawn sets up the nipup which sets up the top rope elbow. He must be either high as a kite on painkillers or on a huge adrenaline rush to be able to have a match like this at this point. The superkick knocks Taker out cold but Shawn is Shawn and stops for a crotch chop. Taker grabs him by the balls and we head back inside for the beating Shawn deserves. Another Flair Flip sets up the big boot, but Taker misses a clothesline and lands in the casket.

Shawn drops an elbow into the casket, closing the lid on both guys. Cool spot actually. Shawn crawls out but in a semi famous shot, Taker pulls him back into the casket, closing it with both guys inside again. Back in and Undertaker hits one of the biggest chokeslams he’s ever hit followed by a JUMPING TOMBSTONE into the casket. The Outlaws and the Boricuas run in as we reenact Royal Rumble 1994, but here comes Kane to save the day. By save the day, naturally I mean turn on Undertaker and shut him in the casket to keep the title on Shawn and end the match.

Rating: B. Considering Shawn’s back was literally broken in half during the match, this is a pretty awesome fight. When Taker gets ticked off and wants to hurt somebody, he can lay a beating out like few others in the world. Shawn struggling through a match in this condition is nothing short of great, and the fact that he survived Wrestlemania like this as well is perhaps the greatest physical accomplishment of all time.

Post match Kane nails the casket shut and hacks at it with an ax. He pours gasoline inside and LIGHTS IT ON FIRE to end the show. Taker of course would disappear from the casket once it was opened up.

Overall Rating: D. Good main event aside, this was a REALLY dull show overall. 1998 would wind up being an awesome year, but this wasn’t the best start to it in the world. We saw a lot of the relics of the bad times here, but Austin was coming and there was absolutely nothing WCW could do to stop him. This wasn’t a good show at all, but it was a necessary evil to get us to the glory days.

Ratings Comparison

Vader vs. The Artist Formerly Known As Goldust

Original: B-
Redo: D

Max Mini/Mosaic/Nova vs. Battalion/El Torito/Tarantula

Original: B-
Redo: C

The Rock vs. Ken Shamrock

Original: C+
Redo: D+

Legion of Doom vs. New Age Outlaws

Original: D+
Redo: D

Royal Rumble

Original: D+
Redo: D

Shawn Michaels vs. Undertaker

Original: B
Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: C-
Redo: D

….what in the world was I on back then?

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Royal Rumble 1996
Date: January 21, 1996
Location: Selland Arena, Fresno, California
Attendance: 9,600
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Mr. Perfect

We’re back to two minute intervals this year after last year’s mess. Thankfully the roster has gotten a much needed restocking with many future stars having debuted in recent months. This is still in a bad stretch for the company but things are looking much brighter for the future. Let’s get to it.

We open with Sunny (a gorgeous blonde with more star power than she knew what to do with) in a bathtub, saying this show is graphic and view discretion is advised.

Free For All: HHH vs. Duke Droese

This is the pre-show match and the winner is #30 in the Rumble while the loser is #1. Duke takes him into the corner for some right hands to the head to start but HHH starts going after the arm to take over. A powerslam cuts HHH off but the Trash Compactor (tilt-a-whirl powerslam) is broken up. HHH gets in a foreign object shot and Droese is done at 6:24.

Rating: D-. Nothing to see here of course but this was just a way to set up something for the battle royal. I’m not sure who was supposed to be interested in seeing a wrestling garbageman but that was the WWF in this era, which explains why the company was in the place they were in.

Never mind actually as WWF President Gorilla Monsoon comes out and reverses the decision to make Droese #30.

The opening video is about how the champion is defined by Hart, as in Bret Hart. Tonight though he’s against a force who has no heart, in the form of Undertaker. The Intercontinental title match (Ramon vs. Goldust) and the Rumble are talked about as well.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Ahmed Johnson

Last month at In Your House, Jarrett hit Johnson (a very muscular powerhouse) with a gold record to set this up. Jarrett immediately bails to the floor to hide. Back in he tries a hiptoss and Ahmed shrugs him off with ease. A headlock is easily countered by a throw from Johnson and a clothesline takes Jarrett down. There’s a World’s Strongest Slam for two on Jeff and things slow down again. Johnson misses a clothesline by a mile but Jeff sells it anyway of course.

A crossbody misses as well but this time Johnson goes flying over the top, getting his hand caught in the ropes on the way down. A HARD whip into the steps puts Johnson down and we head back in. Ahmed starts no selling stuff and catches a dive in a bearhug. That goes nowhere so Johnson sends him to the floor and hits a big dive. Back in and Ahmed misses a Swanton of all things (remember that he weighs about 280lbs) and there’s the Figure Four from Jarrett. Johnson powers out of it twice, so Jarrett cracks him with the guitar off the top for the weak DQ at 6:37.

Rating: C-. I was always an Ahmed fan so this was an easy pass for me. The image of the Swanton looked great if nothing else, which is more than enough to give this a pass. Jarrett was such a mess at this point and never went anywhere in the WWF. The ending completely sucked though and it really brought things down.

Merchandise plugs.

Diesel isn’t worried about the Rumble tonight and doesn’t think it’s Vader Time. He doesn’t care who he faces at Wrestlemania, but he isn’t happy with Undertaker being the #1 contender.

Tag Team Titles: Smoking Gunns vs. BodyDonnas

The Gunns are defending. The BodyDonnas are exercise enthusiasts Skip (Chris Candido) and Zip (Tom Prichard with a major haircut). They have Sunny with them and my goodness is she stunning here. Skip and Billy start things off with Skip taking over with a headscissors. Just like Ahmed earlier, Billy misses a charge against the ropes and crashes to the outside. Both Gunns get double teamed until Bart ducks out of the way, allowing a charging Billy to dive onto both challengers on the floor.

Things settle down a bit and it’s back to Billy vs. Skip with the champion in control. Sunny hits on Bart until it’s a distracted Bart vs. Zip. A gorilla press puts Zip down but he makes a blind tag, allowing Skip to take over. The champions are fine with the double teaming stuff too, and take over on Skip very easily. Sunny gets on the apron and is knocked off just as quickly.

Now we get to the important part of the match as Billy goes to check on Sunny, allowing the Bodydonnas to pound away on Bart. Skip hits a nice plancha onto Billy before suplexing Zip onto Billy for two back inside. Billy gets to play Ricky Morton for awhile, being put in a chinlock by Zip. This goes on for awhile until we get a sloppy spot where the Bodydonnas collide and Skip rams heads will Billy. This would work a bit better if Billy wasn’t about eight inches taller than Candido.

The hot tag brings in Bart and everything breaks down with the champions taking over. The Sidewinder (side slam/guillotine legdrop combo) crushes Zip but Sunny’s distraction lets Skip break things up and take Zip’s place. Ignore the fact that one has the straps of his singlet up and the other doesn’t, and the fact that they look as different as Demolition did. In an ending the Expresses used back in the 80s, the challengers load up a double suplex on Bart, but Billy spears Skip down, causing Bart to fall on Zip for the pin to retain at 11:14.

Rating: C-. Tag wrestling at this time was really weak with very few solid teams anywhere to be found. The Gunns were ok at best and the Bodydonnas were only popular because of Sunny. Billy would turn heel relatively soon and would eventually join up with Road Dogg to form the New Age Outlaws and turn the division completely upside down. Nothing much to see here but it certainly wasn’t terrible.

We get some of the Billionaire Ted skits, which were unfunny shots at Ted Turner. Not his wrestling company directly, but Turner himself. I’m still not sure why they decided to do these but no one liked them and they came off as mean instead of funny or witty. Note Vince Russo as one of the executives in the board room skit.

We recap Razor vs. Goldust (a bizarre man obsessed with movies and played by Dustin Rhodes), where Goldust is hitting on Razor to mess with his mind before the match tonight. To say Goldust’s character got them in hot water around this point is a huge understatement.

Intercontinental title: Razor Ramon vs. Goldust

The yet to be named Marlena debuts with Goldust here and Razor is defending as is his custom. Feeling out process to start with Goldust playing his usual mind games, which means rubbing himself. Razor cranks on the arm before grabbing a headlock which goes nowhere. Goldust goes behind Razor and molests him a bit to psych Razor out even more. They head to the corner with Razor having his head rubbed a bit, further ticking him off.

Razor goes for the arm so Goldust slaps him in the face. Perfect keeps making sex jokes as Razor slaps Goldust right back in the face. He spanks Goldust once as well, but the painted dude likes it. We head to the floor where Goldust hides behind Marlena as the stalling continues. Back in and Razor tries three straight headscissors before punching Goldust to the floor with a single shot.

We get more stalling which is called playing mind games before Ramon clotheslines him right back to the outside. Razor has to move Marlena out of the way, allowing Goldust to FINALLY do something, taking over with a shot to the ribs. Back in and Goldust focuses on the ribs, but not too much because that might mean we have some speed to this match. A bulldog gets two for Goldust as does a slingshot belly to back suplex.

Off to a sleeper, which Perfect suggests Goldust could use to do “whatever he wants” to Razor. Much like everything else in the match, this goes on way too long until Razor fights up and kicks Goldust low. He’s so spent though that Goldust gets a two count, causing Razor to start his comeback. Razor fires off his usual punches and the chokeslam gets two. A belly to back superplex hit but Marlena distracts the referee, allowing the 1-2-3 Kid to come in and kick Razor’s head off. Goldust gets the easy pin and the title at 14:15.

Rating: D-. Sweet freaking goodness this was dull. It went on WAY too long and had a bad ending on top of that, plus the stupid “psychology” from Goldust which wound up being more unpleasant than interesting or intelligent. Goldust would get WAY better when he became more of a comedy/parody character rather than this freaky dude that he was to start his WWF run. The matches got a lot better as a result too.

Wrestlemania XII is coming.

We get the usual promos for the Rumble, but we start with a statement from Shawn’s doctor who says he’s back and healthy. Thankfully this is kept very short and he’s not dull. We hear from Owen, Roberts, Lawler, Barry Horowitz (a career jobber who got a fluke win at Summerslam 1995), Vader (a newly debuted monster) and Michaels. Shawn would be the most obvious winner ever in the Rumble since…..well since last year when he was the absolutely obvious pick to win.

Vince and Perfect talk about the Rumble a bit.

Royal Rumble

HHH is #1 due to losing on the Free for All and Henry Godwinn is #2. The fact that he just happens to be feuding with HHH at this point is a pure coincidence. Helmsley pounds away in the corner to start but gets backdropped down very quickly. HHH pokes him in the eye and chokes away until Bob Backlund is #3. Backlund saves HHH before pounding away on him. These wide shots are showing how nearly empty the upper deck is.

Jerry Lawler is #4 as HHH hits the jumping knee to Godwinn’s jaw. The fans chant Burger King and you know Lawler isn’t going to pass up a chance to rile up a crowd. He goes to get the slop bucket that Godwinn brought with him, but Henry clears the ring and gets the bucket, throwing it over the top onto Lawler and some of Backlund. Bob Holly is #5 and things slow down a bit until HHH erupts on Godwinn for some reason.

We get some slow paced elimination teases until Mabel is #6. Still nothing happens so here’s Jake Roberts at #7 to an eruption. No one has been eliminated yet as Jake throws in the snake and everyone but Lawler can get to the floor. After nearly giving him a heart attack with the snake, Lawler disappears for a good while as he hides under the ring. Mabel gets tied up in the ropes and pounded on for a bit until Dory Funk Jr. is #8.

The DDT is countered by HHH as we hear about a friendship between Terry Funk and Bruce Willis of all people. Backlund and Funk go at it because they’re both old and I doubt Dory knows most of the other people in the ring. Lawler is seen hiding under the ring. Yokozuna is #9 as there are WAY too many people in the match at the moment. Backlund puts Dory in the chicken wing and is eliminated by Yokozuna for a prize. Yokozuna crushes Godwinn in the corner but Mabel splashes Yokozuna, killing Henry in the process.

The 1-2-3 Kid is #10 but Razor charges down the aisle to chase him away (not eliminated). Officials get Razor off the Kid but it takes Mabel beating Razor down to stop the chases. It amazes me that Razor was never in a Rumble. Omori, a Japanese star that doesn’t mean much yet, is #11. At the moment we’ve got HHH, Lawler (under the ring), Holly, Mabel, Roberts, Funk, Yokozuna, the Kid and Omori in the match after Godwinn was eliminated off camera.

Yokozuna and Mabel double team Omori until Jake pounds away on Yokozuna to the loudest reactions of the match so far. Funk hits a double underhook suplex on the Kid as Savio Vega is #12. He spinwheel kicks Mabel down, allowing Yokozuna to dump the reigning King (Mabel if you’re lucky enough to not remember that gimmick). Omori goes out thanks to Roberts and things slow down again.

Vader debuts at #13 and lumbers around while not doing much. He picks Bob Holly of all people to beat on first as Vega eliminates Dory. Vader pulls Savio back in from the apron for no apparent reason other than he wants to beat on him some more. Doug Gilbert from Memphis is #14 and HHH goes right after him for no apparent reason. Vader and Yokozuna slug it out to a big reaction but Vader has to stop to clothesline Roberts out.

The camera work in this is really bad as they keep looking at corners of the ring instead of the full thing, making us miss a lot of stuff. Savio pounds on Vader until one of the Squat Team members (BIG fat guys who are there because they’re fat and look alike) is #15. Vader sloppily throws Gilbert out and does the same to the Squat Team dude. Yokozuna and Vader slug it out again and people respond again.

The other member of the Squat Team is #16 but they both get in to double team Vader. The Mastodon (Vader if you’re not familiar) punches their faces in as only Vader can do before knocking them both to the floor. Owen Hart is #17 and everyone but Yokozuna is on one side of the ring for some reason. He and Vader double team Savio who doesn’t seem interested in selling at all. A pair of splashes in the corner crushes him, as do a regular splash and the big leg from Yokozuna.

Shawn is #17 to a decent pop but significantly smaller than Jake’s. Vader throws out Savio as Shawn goes after HHH and the Kid. Vader and Yokozuna slug it out a bit before slugging it out a lot. They fight against the ropes, so Shawn gets a running start and dumps them BOTH AT ONCE. Now THAT wakes up the crowd. If that’s not enough, Shawn gorilla presses (!) the Kid to the floor as the ring is suddenly very thin. Hakushi (a Japanese high flier)is #19 as the big guys fight on the floor.

Scratch the floor part as Vader gets back in and cleans house, but none of the eliminations count because he’s not legal. Once he’s finally taken away, we’ve got Shawn, HHH, Holly, Hart, Hakushi and Lawler underneath the ring. Tatanka is #20 as Shawn throws Jim Cornette out. Hakushi hits a Great Muta elbow on Hart in the corner as HHH of course goes after Shawn.

Michaels teases a bunch of eliminations to try to make us think he’s not winning. Owen dumps Hakushi as Aldo Montoya is #21. Shawn gets sent through the ropes to the floor, where he pulls Lawler out and sends him back into the ring. Tatanka puts out Montoya as Shawn puts out Lawler.

Here’s Diesel at #22 and house is cleaned. There goes Tatanka at the hands of the tall one and it’s time for Shawn vs. Diesel which gets a pop but is too short to mean much. Kama (later known as the Godfather) is #23 as this continues to go slowly. Shawn pounds on Holly in the corner as Kama and Diesel slug it out. The Ringmaster (Steve Austin, brand new here) is #24 and still wearing white boots in a really strange visual.

Shawn does his usual overblown self safe as Holly and Austin fight. Holly FINALLY goes out after nearly forty minutes and HHH vs. Austin happens about three years before it would mean anything. Barry Horowitz (with the awesome rock version of Hava Nagila) is #25 and he goes after Diesel. Well no one ever accused him of being brilliant. Shawn nips up to knock Owen to the apron, but Hart skins the cat back in.

HHH punches Diesel, so Diesel grabs him by the head and launches him to the floor. That’s about forty eight minutes for HHH which isn’t bad at all. Making a Difference Fatu (Don’t ask. Please don’t ask) is #26 and he doesn’t do much. Shawn and Owen can’t suplex the other one out so here’s Isaac Yankem DDS (later known as Kane) at #27. The ring is far too full but Barry is put out to thin it out a bit.

Owen hits the enziguri on Shawn (which put Michaels on the shelf leading up to this match) but Michaels hangs on again and puts Owen out while we’re looking at a double feature. Austin kills Shawn with a clothesline and here’s Marty Jannetty at #28. Fatu superkicks Kane as the burst of energy from Marty is already gone. Shawn and Jannetty go at it because they’re former partners. Perfect: “They’re rocking now aren’t they?” They punch each other down and the British Bulldog is #29.

Smith goes right for Shawn because of what happened last year. I love little bits of continuity like that which you never get anymore. Davey puts out Marty as Fatu erupts on Austin before clotheslining him out off camera. Yankem puts out Fatu and here’s Duke Droese at #30. The final group is Shawn, Droese, Diesel, Smith, Yankem and Kama.

Smith and Michaels fight to the floor and Owen jumps Shawn for good measure. Shawn shrugs it off and goes in to dropkick Yankem out. Kama and Diesel put out Droese to get us down to four. Shawn clotheslines Smith out before skinning the cat back in. Diesel dumps Kama and Shawn superkicks the tall one (in the shoulder) out to win for the second year in a row at 58:49.

Rating: D. Oh this was DULL. The problem here was that like last year (although to a far weaker degree), there were very few guys you could buy as a winner here. It’s way better than last year’s match but the crowd was dead for long stretches of this, mainly due to boredom. You could see the star power of the future, but that’s the problem: they weren’t stars yet and no one bought them at this point. The match isn’t bad, but it’s definitely not good if that makes sense.

Diesel is ticked off about the ending and goes back in as Shawn is stripping. They do their old Wolfpac thing in the middle of the ring (a high five where Shawn has to jump) and all is cool. Shawn poses for a long time post match.

WWF World Title: Undertaker vs. Bret Hart

Bret is defending and Undertaker is still in his skull mask period due to having Mabel crush his face a few months back. Diesel is still straggling behind and stares at Undertaker during his entrance. They brawl with neither guy getting much of an advantage. Since this is WWF, we recap what we just say two minutes ago. After all that, here’s the World Champion. Undertaker stands in the middle of the ring and Bret circles him for a bit. Hart pounds away in the corner and the Dead Man stares at him.

Undertaker LAUNCHES him into the corner (one of my favorite Undertaker spots) before choking him in the air). Off to a smother hold which goes on for a long time. Bret finally makes the rope so there’s Old School….which sets up the smother again. Hart fights up and hits a middle rope clothesline followed by a regular one to send Undertaker to the floor. There’s a dive to take out the challenger as this finally picks up the pace a bit.

Bret tries to dive off the apron at Undertaker but is pulled out of the air and rammed into the post. Undertaker rams him into various other things until Bret reverses a whip into the steps, trying to damage the big man’s knees. Back in and Bret works over the knee as this is going nowhere. The Figure Four goes on….and on…..and on……and Undertaker turns it over.

Bret gets to the rope, so let’s put on ANOTHER LEG HOLD! It’s that always riveting one where Bret drops an elbow on the leg and just lays on it. This is also known as the Dusty Rhodes Special. He does however mix it up by trying to take off Undertaker’s mask. After being in this for literally about three minutes, he smashes his free leg on Bret’s head before we head back to the floor. Undertaker chokes away with a cord and sends Bret into the barricade as we head back in.

The champ goes back to the freaking knee as the fans loudly boo Bret. Undertaker’s leg is wrapped around the post a few times and it’s back to laying on the leg. We’re over twenty minutes into this and almost nothing has happened. To save my sanity the hold doesn’t last as long this time and Undertaker fights back. There are some legdrops and a clothesline as the knee seems fine. He loads up the Tombstone but Bret slides down his back and guillotines Undertaker on the ropes.

A DDT puts Undertaker down and Bret starts headbutting the back. We get the Russian legsweep but the Dead Man sits up. The bulldog takes the challenger down and there’s the middle rope elbow. Bret gives the fans a thumbs down and loads up the Sharpshooter. Undertaker grabs him by the throat to block it but Bret knees him in the ribs. A double clothesline puts both guys down and we lay around a bit more.

Bret is up first and takes off the buckle from a corner. He goes for the mask again and gets it off to reveal….the same Undertaker we’ve seen for like five years at this point. Seriously he looks fine. Undertaker fights back but gets rammed into the exposed buckle. That gets no sold and it’s a Tombstone for Bret. Since this is such a dull match though, Diesel pulls the referee out at two for a DQ at 28:28.

Rating: D+. This started VERY slow but got better for the last ten minutes or so, but the ending brings it right back down again. If this had been a fifteen minute match or so it would have been WAY better, but they only had so many other matches on the card, meaning this had to be longer. Diesel would face Undertaker at Wrestlemania of course.

Gorilla Monsoon makes Diesel vs. Bret for the title at the next PPV.

Shawn says the 90s will be his time.

Undertaker comes in to yell at Gorilla, saying that Diesel won’t be champion on his watch. Gorilla makes it a cage match so Undertaker can’t interfere.

Diesel goes on a big rant about how he’s not afraid of the dark and says he’s going to have his hands in everything from now on because the WWF is running on Diesel Power. This was his official heel turn.

Cornette says Vader cannot be ignored to end the show. He pretty much was until Summerslam.

Overall Rating: D. This is a really weird show to grade because while most of the matches got bad grades, it’s not that bad of a show overall. Don’t get me wrong: it’s bad, but it’s really not as bad as it sounds. The first two matches are certainly watchable, but they’re not that good. The Rumble is also passable, but it’s dull at times. Not horrible, but definitely not worth seeing.

 

 

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Royal Rumble 1995
Date: January 22, 1995
Location: USF Sun Dome, Tampa, Florida
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler

Oh dang it 1995 WWF still exists. This is that year that no one likes to talk about and you have to fly through it as fast as you can or you might risk seeing something on it. The big twist this year is that the intervals in the Rumble are only 60 seconds, so the whole match is like 40 minutes long. The other problem is that Diesel is WWF Champion here. The good news is that he’s facing Bret Hart, one of the two men capable of dragging an awesome match out of him. Let’s get to it.

We open with the big deal about tonight’s show: Pamela Anderson arrives. She’ll be escorting the winner of the Rumble to the ring at Wrestlemania. A bunch of guys arrive to greet her.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Razor Ramon

Jarrett is challenging and now has the Roadie with him. Razor starts with his usual assortment of punches and a fallaway slam to send Jeff to the floor. After a little toweling off on the floor, Jeff armdrags Razor down and struts. They trade arm holds until Razor gets taken to the mat where Jeff messes with his hair. Careful with the grease there Jeff. Razor gets annoyed and knocks Jeff to the floor for some more Memphis stalling.

Jeff gets back in and is immediately puts in an armbar where Razor can mess with Jarrett’s hair. Some dropkicks floor the champ and a clothesline gets two. Razor catches a boot coming and ducks the enziguri from Jeff, but Razor misses an elbow to keep Jarrett in control. We hit the chinlock followed by a sunset flip by Jeff for two. Another dropkick gets the same and Jarrett is getting frustrated.

Jarrett hooks a sleeper but Razor quickly counters. The counter doesn’t last long though as Jeff hits a swinging neckbreaker for two. Ramon slides behind Jeff in the corner and crotches him on the post to a big pop. We get a messed up (not botched mind you) spot where Razor was going to try a bulldog off the middle rope but Jeff turns around and it had to be a clothesline. Eh no harm no foul. Jeff backdrops Razor to the floor, injuring the champ’s knee. Roadie clips him in the knee and Razor gets counted out.

We won’t get to the rating just yet. Post match Jeff calls Razor a coward for taking the easy way out like that and calls him back into the ring. Razor pulls a Marty McFly and takes the bait, giving us another match.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Razor Ramon

Razor tries some quick rollups for two but Jeff goes right for the knee to take over. Jeff does his best Ric Flair imitation but as he goes for the third cannonball down onto the leg, Razor kicks him over the top and out to the floor. Back in and Jarrett puts on the Figure Four, putting Razor in a lot of trouble. Razor escapes and starts his comeback with punches and the belly to back superplex but Jeff counters in mid air for two. Razor clotheslines him down and loads up the Edge, but the knee gives out and Jeff rolls him up for the pin and the title.

Rating: C+. I always remember liking this match and it holds up pretty well. Memphis stalling isn’t for everyone but it’s a good way of drawing heel heat, which Jeff might as well have been an iceberg for otherwise. Razor was awesome at this point and had good chemistry with Jeff, so this worked pretty well all around. The ending was smart as it was Razor’s trademark ending for house shows, but he would usually win in about 30 seconds with the Razor’s Edge. Nice to see them switch things up here.

Pamela Anderson has been given a lot of gifts from various wrestlers. One of the running gags on this show is that Pamela clearly doesn’t want to be here at all and has these “GET ME OUT OF HERE” looks on her face the whole night. Todd Pettingill tries to hit on her and completely fails of course.

Jeff says it’s time to celebrate.

IRS vs. The Undertaker

This is the start of the Undertaker vs. Million Dollar Team feud which went on FOREVER. The bell rings and we stand around a lot. IRS tries to jump Taker from behind and it goes nowhere. Taker glares him down to the floor and the stalling continues. IRS slides in, gets glared down, and hides on the floor again. Finally we head back in with IRS pounding away and getting kicked in the face for his efforts.

Taker grabs him by the tie and swings him out of the corner, followed by Old School as this is dominance so far. IRS and DiBiase get in an argument on the floor, causing DiBiase to call for some druids. Taker loads up Old School again but the druid shakes the rope and Taker goes down. A clothesline puts Taker on the floor where he beats on the druids a bit before IRS jumps him from behind.

The druids send Taker into the steps and there’s an abdominal stretch by IRS. That goes nowhere so Taker misses an elbow to really slow himself down. IRS hits some basic stuff as the crowd is almost completely silent. Druid interference gets two for IRS and also allows him to escape the Tombstone. A clothesline puts Taker down but he pops up and hits a chokeslam for the pin.

Rating: D. At the end of the day, this was about thirteen minutes of Taker beating up IRS. I mean….did ANYONE buy IRS as a threat to the Dead Man here? That was the problem with the eight month long feud between Taker and DiBiase’s group: no one on the team was a real threat to him at all. Bad match here but that had to be expected.

Post match Taker beats up the druids and has a staredown with King Kong Bundy. During the staring, IRS steals the Urn. There’s the launch of the feud and Bundy beats up Taker for awhile.

Diesel doesn’t have much to say about his match with Bret.

Bret is ready for his chance at the title.

WWF World Title: Diesel vs. Bret Hart

Diesel is defending in case you’re really slow. Bret tries to brawl to start but is almost immediately knocked down by a big shot to the face. A clothesline puts Bret on the floor where he chills for a bit. Back in and Bret goes after the knee like a smart Hitman. He puts on a quick Figure Four and after a good deal of time in it, Diesel gets to the rope. Bret does something you hardly ever see enough: he puts the same hold back on. Why don’t more people do that? He had Diesel in trouble, so why mess with what was working?

Diesel makes the rope again and heads to the floor where Bret hits a suicide dive to have the champ reeling. Diesel shrugs it off and sends Hart into the steps to get a breather. With Bret in the ropes, Diesel hits the running crotch attack to his back. There’s a backbreaker to Bret and Diesel bends him across the knee a bit. Bret fires off some right hands but gets whipped hard into the buckle to stop him cold.

The champ loads up the Jackknife but instead puts Bret on his shoulder for a backbreaker. Why he doesn’t JACKKNIFE HIM WHEN HE HAS THE CHANCE is beyond my intelligence as Bret escapes. A big boot (Diesel’s leg seems fine) puts Bret down for two, but Bret gets a boot up of his own, followed by a middle rope clothesline for two. Hart goes up and Diesel tries to slam him off, but the knee goes out, giving Bret a two count.

The kickout sends Bret to the floor and he pulls Diesel’s legs out for the figure four around the post. Actually scratch that as he ties Diesel’s legs together instead and pounds away. The Five Moves of Doom get two but Diesel grabs a rope to block the Sharpshooter. Bret clotheslines him to the floor but a dive is caught in mid-air. The tall guy rams him into the post and hits the Jackknife in the ring, but Shawn Michaels runs in to break up the count.

Shawn beats on Diesel’s leg which isn’t a DQ for no apparent reason. Shawn and Diesel had split up at Survivor Series if you’re wondering why this beating is happening. We get a ruling that the match must continue to the delight (yes I said delight) of the crowd. Bret goes back to the knee, hooking another Figure Four. Diesel can’t get to the ropes so he hits Bret in the bad ribs to escape. Ah selling, how I love you.

Diesel is all ticked off now and pounds away on Bret in the corner. A gutwrench suplex of all things gets two for the champ but a big boot in the corner misses. Bret wraps Diesel’s leg around the post and blasts it with a chair. There’s the Sharpshooter but now it’s Owen coming in for the save and a beatdown on Bret. I would say there’s a great tag match in there, but Bret and Shawn teaming up would mean the end of the world as we know it.

The match is going to continue AGAIN though and Diesel gets two on Bret. The place is starting to lose its minds over these near falls. Bret sends him into the buckle that Owen exposed and pounds away as Diesel is rocking again. Diesel comes back AGAIN with elbows and forearms to the face before punching Bret into the ropes where Hart’s legs are caught. Bret is holding his knee but you never know with him.

Yep, he stands up and lays back down in some classic Hart goldbricking. Diesel goes for the Jackknife but Bret fakes him into a small package for two. Bret tries an O’Connor Roll and the referee is bumped. Backlund, Michaels, Roadie and Jarrett run in and that’s FINALLY enough for the double DQ.

Rating: A. These two had MAD chemistry together and this was no exception. They knew how to work the David vs. Goliath (I’m not sure how fair it is to call Bret David actually) formula to perfection and the matches were great as a result. Why the company kept going with Diesel vs. power guys is beyond me, because his best stuff comes against small guys like Bret and Shawn and always has.

Backlund stays in the ring and puts the Crossface Chicken Wing on Bret. This set up their I Quit match at Mania which even Bret admits sucked. Diesel makes the save and hugs Bret.

More Pettingill and Anderson stuff.

Bob Holly and 1-2-3 Kid are excited to be in the finals of the tag team title tournament.

Tag Titles: Bob Holly/1-2-3 Kid vs. Bam Bam Bigelow/Tatanka

Shawn and Diesel split up and we needed champions. Holly and Tatanka start things off with Tatanka hitting a side slam for two. Holly comes back with a slam and a few dropkicks as this is going nowhere so far. Off to the Kid vs. Bigelow, with the big man running over both of the smaller guys with ease. Bigelow LAUNCHES Kid into the air but gets caught in a rana to send Bam Bam rolling.

Back to Tatanka who whips Kid into the buckles a few times before it’s off to Bigelow to pound on the small guy some more. In something that actually impressed me, Kid backdrops Bigelow to the floor. Both small guys try top rope cross bodies but they escape and dropkick the heels together. Things settle down with Tatanka beating on Holly for a LONG time. Bigelow comes in, allowing Tatanka to distract the Kid. Holly goes to the corner to find no partner and Bigelow splashes Bob.

Holly gets beaten down so badly that he goes to the wrong corner and tags in Tatanka. Thank goodness this isn’t the Attitude Era because it probably would have been legal in some of their matches. Tatanka comes in for more beating on Holly until Bob FINALLY gets in a clothesline for the hot tag to the Kid. Everything breaks down and Kid is LAUNCHED to the floor by Bigelow. Bam Bam loads up the moonsault but Tatanka accidentally hits the ropes to knock him to the mat. Somehow that’s enough for the pin and the titles for the Kid.

Rating: C+. This went nearly sixteen minutes which was just too long. It’s quite good but it would have been great if they cut off five minutes or so. Those launches by Bigelow were awesome looking as Kid continues to be an excellent seller of moves like those. The idea was that it was all Bigelow’s fault, even though Tatanka is totally to blame for Bigelow crashing like that. The Gunns would win the titles back the next night on Raw, making this whole thing pretty pointless.

Post match DiBiase and Tatanka leave Bigelow in the ring, where Lawrence Taylor, NFL legend, laughs at him. Bigelow shoves him down, and there’s Wrestlemania people.

We get a recap of the 94 Rumble, focusing on Diesel’s dominance and Shawn helping to eliminate him.

Shawn laughs a bit.

We look at the ending to the match from last year.

Luger says he wants the title. Lex, it’s been over for you for like eight months now. Let it go dude.

Vince apologizes to Lawrence Taylor.

Here’s Pamela Anderson to watch the Rumble at ringside and MAN does she look miserable.

Royal Rumble

Shawn is #1 and Bulldog is #2. Shawn immediately jumps Bulldog but this isn’t going to last long. Remember there are one minute intervals, which was just a bad idea in general. Smith gets a quick gorilla press, but why throw Shawn OUT when you can just slam him? That clearly won’t come back to haunt him later or anything of course. Smith charges into a boot and here’s Eli Blu (one of the Harris Brothers, who were the big bald bikers who were around for WAY too long) at #3.

Nothing happens so here’s Duke Droese (a wrestling garbageman) at #4. Eli fights Smith and Droese squeezes Shawn until Jimmy Del Ray of the Heavenly Bodies is #5. Nothing continues to happen because there isn’t enough time between entries. Sione (Barbarian) of the Headshrinkers is #6 as Del Ray is tossed out. Tom Prichard of the Heavyenly Bodies is #7 and STILL nothing is happening.

Doink is #8 as the Rumble is going way too fast. It’s like the original Rumble: not enough names to care about and nothing going on at the same time. Kwang is #9 and Rick Martel is #10, I believe in his last WWF match. There are nine people in the ring right now. Shawn is almost out but fights off Kwang to survive. Owen Hart is in at #11 and here’s Bret to jump him in the aisle. Owen survives and climbs in, only to be eliminated in three seconds.

Shawn puts out Droese and Timothy Well (partners with Steven Dunn in the tag team of Well Dunn) is #12 and is out almost immediately. Martel and Prichard go out faster than I can see them and Kwang superkicks Doink out. Luke of the Bushwhackers is #13 and during his entrance, everyone but Bulldog and Shawn are gone. Literally, four people were put out inside of six seconds. Luke is out almost immediately and it’s Shawn vs. Bulldog again.

Here’s Jacob Blu at #14 and HE TOO is gone in like fifteen seconds. This is so stupid. King Kong Bundy is #15 and he beats on both guys for about twenty seconds before it’s Mo at #16. Mo is like the fifth guy to last less than thirty seconds. If your roster is this weak, CUT THE FREAKING MATCH DOWN. Nothing else happens until Mable is #17 for the showdown with Bundy. Mabel dumps him out as Butch is #18 and is gone in less than 20 seconds as well. More on this later.

Lex Luger is #19 and he goes right for Mabel for no apparent reason. He eliminates the fat purple and gold dude before gorilla pressing Michaels down like an idiot. Mantaur, a stupid monster character, is #20. He beats on Luger and Bulldog until Aldo Montoya (Justin Credible with a jockstrap on his face) is #21. Henry Godwinn is #22 as we’re waiting on a bunch of people to get thrown out so everyone can go home. I think this is one of Henry’s first matches.

Billy Gunn is #23 so naturally Bart Gunn is #24. Bob Backlund is #25 and also lasts about fifteen seconds due to a Bret Hart attack. Steven Dunn is #26 as there are like ten people in there. Bret and Backlund fight in the aisle again and old man Dick Murdoch is #27. Mantaur misses a charge at Bart and Adam Bomb is #28. For the second year in a row, Vince decides Adam Bomb is going to win the Rumble. Seriously.

Fatu is #29 and Luger eliminates Mantaur. Crush is #30, giving us a final group of Shawn, Bulldog, Luger, Montoya, Godwinn, Bart, Billy, Dunn, Murdoch, Bomb, Fatu and Crush, or WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE. Thankfully Crush immediately eliminates the Gunns to clear the ring out a bit. We cut to Anderson who gives a very uninterested wave and points to the ring. You know, because this is SO beneath her. Well, not beneath her enough to give the check back or anything but you get the idea.

Dunn is put out off camera and Murdoch almost puts Shawn out. Luger makes the save due to a lack of intelligence as Murdoch tries headbutts on Fatu. Naturally it doesn’t work at all because YOU DON’T HEADBUTT A SAMOAN. Bomb is backdropped out and Shawn throwsn Montoya out. Luger saves Shawn AGAIN and Crush eliminates Fatu. There are six guys left: Murdoch (who hits a dropkick and airplane spin on Godwinn), Godwinn, Shawn, Bulldog, Crush and Luger.

Murdoch gets dizzy from the spin and falls out to get us down to five. Lex dumps Godwinn and we’ve got four left. Michaels and Crush double team Luger as Bulldog gets a breather. They dump Lex and we’ve got three guys left. Smith gets double teamed until Shawn turns on Crush and is lifted into the air. Bulldog uses the distraction to eliminate Crush and it’s one on one. Davey destroys Shawn and presses him onto (not over. That would make sense) the top rope. Shawn is knocked over the top, but in the famous finish, he hangs on and ONLY ONE FOOT touches, allowing Shawn to come back in and eliminate Smith to win.

Rating: D. This is a tricky one, because the stuff that was decent was in fact decent. The problem is there wasn’t much stuff that falls into that category. First and foremost, SEVEN PEOPLE OUT OF THIRTY did not last thirty seconds. If they’re that meaningless to the match, simply do not put them in the Rumble. It looks stupid and there’s no reason to have them out there.

Second, the time intervals. These were a major issues because there’s no time to get ANYTHING going in the match. When you count ten seconds or so to get into the ring (some people take up to twenty), you’re looking at about 45 seconds of action with the new guy before someone else comes out. That’s just not enough time to get anything going at all.

Third, and this is probably the biggest problem of the match, look at the roster here. At a glance, I see four people with actual chances to win: Crush, Luger (they’re both BIG stretches), Bulldog, and Shawn. After that there’s Owen Hart but he was one of the guys that didn’t make it thirty seconds in the ring.

Then you’re looking at guys like Montoya and Well Dunn and the Bushwhackers (who amazingly still had jobs in 1995) and the Heavenly Bodies (by my count there were five tag teams in here, or one third of the match. WAY too many guys at that level) and Dick freaking Murdoch. This is a match that was BEGGING for a midcard to come in and fill in some spots. Guys like Ramon and Jarrett and Bigelow and Tatanka would have helped this match a ton, but instead we get all these fillers. That’s a big reason why this didn’t work.

Anderson poses with Shawn to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This is a hard one to grade because as good as the world title match is, the Rumble sucks it right back down. IRS vs. Taker isn’t anything good but it’s much more boring than bad. The opener and tag matches are good so I can’t complain much there. 1995 would be AWFUL for the most part though, mainly due to all of the problems you could see coming in the Rumble. Still though, not an awful show by any stretch and it has a great world title match.

Ratings Comparison

Jeff Jarrett vs. Razor Ramon

Original: B+
Redo: C+

Undertaker vs. IRS

Original: D
Redo: D

Bret Hart vs. Diesel

Original: B-
Redo: A

Bob Holly/1-2-3 Kid vs. Bam Bam Bigelow/Tatanka

Original: D+
Redo: C+

Royal Rumble

Original: D+
Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: C-
Redo: C+

What in the world was I thinking on the title match? It was great.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

 

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