Thank You Again/Sale Reminder

To my complete and utter amazement, my old record of sales for the ebooks was broken AGAIN in November.  I’m shocked that these things keep happening and can’t thank you guys enough for supporting me with this stuff.  I’ll be making them as long as you all keep wanting them.

If you haven’t checked out my books yet, here’s my Amazon author page with all of them available:

 

Also remember that I’ve got a sale up on the ebooks until the end of the year.

 

This is going to run through the end of the year.  There are three options to pick from:

 

Any two for $7 (Usually $8)

Any three for $10 (Usually $12)

ALL SIX for $15 (Usually $24)

 

The books to pick from are:

Complete 1998 Monday Night Raw

Complete 2001 Monday Night Raw

History of the WWE Championship

History of Starrcade

Complete Monday Nitro Volume 1 (1995-1996)

History of In Your House (new)

 

This will be done a bit differently than usual.  Since it would be nearly impossible to do this through Amazon, I’m going to handle this myself.  If you’re interested in one of these, send me an e-mail at kbwrestlingreviews@hotmail.com and we’ll set it up through Paypal.  Also these can be sent internationally as I’ll be emailing the books to you so the country isn’t a problem whatsoever.

 

If you could, drop me a comment on here so I’ll make sure to see your e-mail.

 

Hope you enjoy these,

 

KB




Monday Night Raw – December 2, 2013: Some New Hopes

Monday Night Raw
Date: December 2, 2013
Location: Chesapeake Energy Arena, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

We’re closing in on TLC now since a title unification match eleven years in the making only needs three weeks of build. Tonight we have a contract signing between Orton and Cena which is bound to wind up in some kind of an altercation. On top of that we might find out what happened when the human goat was kidnapped by the backwoods religious cult. That could only happen in wrestling or a very disturbing movie. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Punk to open the show. He says he’s in denial because last week he made the sin of criticizing HHH on Raw. Now he finds himself here in denial because there has to be something between insulting the Authority and being attacked by Shield last week. If he’s right, that makes the Authority the biggest group of cowardly censored something that starts with a D in history.

This brings out a smiling Stephanie with something to say. She hopes everyone had a good Thanksgiving but thinks Punk is way off base here. Would the Authority be the kind of people to send the Shield after Punk because of a simple insult? They’ve matured further than that and the Authority had nothing to do with the attack last week. They have more important things to do tonight, including overseeing the contract signing. Stephanie is fair though and says Punk can bring up any concerns with Kane.

Kane reiterates that the Authority had nothing to do with the Shield’s attack, so this issue is resolved, unless Punk has any questions. Punk asks when Kane because this corporate suck up and advises Kane not to patronize him. Punk wants Kane in the ring right now but Stephanie holds him back. Instead here’s the Shield so Punk immediately grabs a chair. Stephanie tells Shield to stop because Punk is to be respected and admired. She leaves so Kane makes a handicap match for TLC with Punk vs. all three members of Shield.

Damien Sandow vs. Dolph Ziggler

The winner gets an Intercontinental Title shot at TLC so Langston is at ringside. Ziggler hits a quick dropkick for two and a clothesline puts Sandow down. Langston says he’d rather face Dolph instead of saying he’d like to face either guy. They head to the floor with Ziggler being dropped face first onto the steps for a two count. Langston talks about competing in Skip-It with Ziggler back when they were close to confuse JBL.

The Wind-Up Elbow gets two for Sandow but he misses a middle rope moonsault. Ziggler rains down right hands in the corner and drops Sandow with a neckbreaker for two. A sunset flip gets the same and Sandow misses his running flip neckbreaker. The Fameasser gets two on Damien but Ziggler gets crotched on the top and You’re Welcome sends Sandow to TLC at 3:54.

Rating: C. This was something the title has missed for far too long: someone winning a match over an established name to earn a title shot. There’s nothing overly complicated to that idea and it works fine here. Langston doesn’t have to lose a match to set it up, Sandow gets a win and we have a title match down the road. Why is that so much to ask for most of the time?

Summer Rae/Tamina Snuka/AJ Lee vs. Bella Twins/Natalya

The non-Total Divas are now the True Divas. AJ skips around the ring while Nikki gets two off a crucifix on Tamina to start. Brie comes in with a middle rope dropkick and a running knee to Snuka’s chest. AJ is still skipping around the ring. Summer chokes Brie on the ropes and shows off her flexibility before getting a two count.

Brie finally fights out and makes the tag to Natalya who speeds things up a bit. Tamina is knocked off the apron so Summer shouts at AJ to stop skipping and make the tag. AJ finally comes in and nearly gets caught in the Sharpshooter as everything breaks down. The distraction lets Natalya roll up AJ for the pin at 4:18.

Rating: D. Here’s the problem with the Total Divas face push in a nutshell: we haven’t been given a reason to care about them. There was never a moment where they were all turned face, other than AJ’s promo from months ago which was all true stuff. WWE is assuming that fans like the Total Divas because they have a reality show and the Bellas date Cena and Bryan, though I don’t think Cena and Nikki have ever been announced on WWE TV. Other than that, they just started being faces and the announcers started talking about AJ being mean. That’s not enough to build a boring feud on and it’s showing badly.

AJ skips away post match.

Here’s Wade Barrett’s new gimmick: Bad News Barrett, standing at a podium next to the announcers’ desk. He has good news and bad news for us. The good: we’re live on Raw. The bad: we’re stuck in a place full of hillbillies that had to name their city after the state they live in. Barrett thanks the crowd and the words #Bad News Barrett appear on screen. End segment.

Orton demands that Brad Maddox tell the WWE Universe that he’s a bigger star and a more well known name than Cena.

Daniel Bryan vs. Erick Rowan

So after disappearing last week, Bryan appears to be fine. There’s no Bray in sight. Bryan goes after Rowan to start before grabbing a sleeper, only to be flipped down onto his back. A hard slam puts Bryan down as JBL talks about Shakespeare writing psycho babble. The beating continues with Rowan throwing Bryan to the floor, only to be dropkicked in the ribs on the way back in. Bryan’s dive is caught in mid air and Rowan slams him into the barricade as we take a break.

Back with Bryan fighting out of a chinlock but being slammed right back down instead. Rowan takes him to the floor and sends Bryan into the steps but Bryan comes back with a drop toehold into the corner. The running dropkick staggers Rowan but Bryan charges into an elbow to put him down. Some knees to the head get two for Erick and we hit the chinlock with a knee in Bryan’s back.

Daniel tries another comeback but charges into a fallaway slam. Rowan hits a running splash in the corner for two as JBL thinks Bryan should join the Wyatt Family. Bryan finally comes back with a dropkick to send Rowan to the floor, setting up the FLYING GOAT. Back in and the missile dropkick puts Erick down but the big YES Kick is blocked. Bryan is put on the top rope and kicked in the face but he slides down Rowan’s back for the rollup pin at 14:03.

Rating: C+. This was the power vs. speed formula worked very well. On top of that it made Rowan look better than he ever has before as he dominated about twelve minutes out of the fourteen in the match. What more can you ask for from a match to build up the Bryan vs. Bray feud?

Post match Bray pops up on screen and tells the Wyatts to stand down. He talks about doing a lot of horrible things since he’s been on this earth and that he can admit when he’s in the wrong. Bray was wrong about Bryan when he thought Bryan was just chasing the improbable dream. How long is Bryan willing to live this lie and soil their red carpet? They look at Bryan like he’s a gorilla in a cage and will never love him like Bray could. Together they could bring the machine to its knees if Bryan will just open his eyes.

Post break Bryan is walking around in the back when he runs into Kane. The big man congratulates him on his success but makes Bryan vs. the three members of the Wyatt Family at TLC. We even get a mini-finger pointing yes from Kane.

Xavier Woods/R-Truth vs. Tons of Funk

This is over Woods borrowing Brodus’ music a bit too much. Brodus slams Woods down to start and apparently has scales on the back of his singlet now. Off to Tensai for some shoulders but Woods fights back with forearms. Truth comes in and pounds away on Tensai but gets run over with ease. The catapult sends him throat first into the middle rope and it’s back to Clay for some gyrations.

Truth comes back with a forearm to put both guys down and there’s the hot tag off to Woods. Things speed up a bit and the Honor Roll gets two on Clay but he comes back with the release suplex. Woods avoids the middle rope splash and gets the most awkward looking side roll you’ll see in a long time for the pin at 4:10.

Rating: D+. The fans were silent for most of this but the match was decent enough from a technical standpoint. Woods will grow on the fans if he’s allowed to be the comedy character he’s best at, but being Truth’s lackey isn’t going to do much for him. This is as good a way as any to bring him in though.

Clay glares at Tensai post match.

Sin Cara vs. Alberto Del Rio

Sin Cara has a large tattoo on his arm and shoulder, which means it might be Hunico under the mask instead of Mistico. The lighting is back again. Cara scores with a top rope armdrag and some kicks to the legs before a spinning armdrag off the top puts him down again. Del Rio heads to the floor and gets (mostly) caught by an Asai Moonsault.

Back in and Del Rio kicks Cara out to the floor before putting on a chinlock. A double stomp to Cara’s back gets two but Cara comes back with a nice to rope headbutt. Sin gets two off a spinning springboard cross body but gets caught in a German suplex for two. Del Rio misses the corner enziguri and gets caught by a Swanton Bomb for the huge upset at 4:43.

Rating: C. Has the writing staff completely changed tonight? We’ve had a #1 contenders match for a midcard title, a feud over stolen music and now a completely clean upset win. These are actually fresh ideas and they’re really helping things. WWE has been needing some new plot devices and it’s very nice to see some happening tonight.

Cena talks about the argument over which title is better raging for fifty years. We get a Flair and Hogan imitation to perk the false history up a little bit before Cena says the titles mean everything.

Shield says Punk can’t last with any of them at TLC.

Goldust/Cody Rhodes/Big Show vs. Shield

Big Show starts with Ambrose with the giant taking over with a headbutt and elbow drop. There’s the skin ripping chop in the corner and it’s off to Rollins who gets clotheslined inside out. We get the showdown with Reigns who has his vest ripped open for an even louder chop. Reigns goes to the eyes to bring in Ambrose, only to have him get slammed off the top.

Goldust and Cody both get their turns with some shots to Ambrose before Cody hits a seated knee for two. A delayed release front suplex gets two on Rollins and it’s back to Goldie for a few moments. That goes nowhere so it’s back to Cody who cleans house in the Shield corner. The moonsault press gets two on Ambrose but Dean escapes Cross Rhodes. Dean cranks on Cody’s arm to take over and we take a break.

Back with Rollins cranking on Cody’s arm before bringing Dean in again to stomp at the ribs. Roman comes back in and works on the arm even more before Rollins hits a splash in the corner. Cody finally gets in a shot to Dean’s ribs but Reigns breaks up the tag. Roman’s elbow misses though and there’s the hot tag off to Big Show. Ambrose low bridges Big Show to the floor for an eight count before Rollins can hit the top rope knee for no cover. Reigns puts on a front facelock and gets two off a shoulder block before it’s back to Dean for a sleeper.

Show suplexes him down and chokeslams an invading Reigns, giving us the final hot tag to Goldust. The Golden one hits his uppercut and a freaking hurricanrana of all things as everything breaks down. Dean dropkicks Cody to the floor but Big Show low bridges Ambrose out as well. Goldust’s powerslam puts Rollins down but Reigns spears Big Show. Cody takes out Reigns off to the apron but might have injured his elbow. Goldust loads up a superplex on Dean but Seth gets a quick rollup on Goldust for the pin at 20:40.

Rating: B-. The match picked up a lot at the end but felt like it was filling in time until the end of the match. The problem for me is the Rhodes brothers and Shield have fought in some combination six times on TV since the beginning of November alone. They need to keep these teams apart for awhile to make the matches feel special again before the magic goes away.

Punk is asked about how he feels for the handicap match. Apparently he feels pretty and witty and gay but changes his mind. He knows he’s going down but wants to know how many members of the Shield he’s taking with him.

More Bad News Barrett. The bad news is Americans celebrated Thanksgiving, meaning their arteries are now clogged and they sweat when they eat. End segment.

Ryback/Curtis Axel vs. Kofi Kingston/The Miz

Axel and Miz get things going with Miz taking over with a clothesline. Off to Kofi to crank on the arm and bring Miz back in with an ax handle to the shoulder. Axel’s clothesline to the back of the head puts Miz down and it’s back to Ryback. The monster shoves Miz around and clotheslines his head off to follow up. A delayed vertical suplex sets up a bearhug on the mat to work on the ribs.

Back to Axel for a dropkick before Ryback comes in again with a kick to the head. The second bearhug doesn’t last long either as Miz fights out, eventually making the hot tag to Kofi. Things speed up a bit and Kofi pounds away in the corner, only to be distracted by Axel, allowing Ryback to take over. A Shell Shock out of nowhere ends Kingston at 5:57.

Rating: D. Ryback and Axel are fine as a team but the match was there as a way to advance Kofi vs. Miz even more. Miz’s heel turn has worked decently so far as he’s getting to be the jerk that he naturally is, but he needs to do more than just roll up Kofi all the time. Dull match for the most part.

Post match Miz slaps Kofi.

Los Matadores sell us stuff.

Fandango vs. Mark Henry

Henry throws Fandango around to start and gyrates to Summer a bit. Well he was Sexual Chocolate after all. Fandango avoids a charge in the corner and hits a few shots, including a top rope cross body. It looked like Henry was supposed to catch him in midair but fell backwards instead. The World’s Strongest Slam ends Fandango at 3:20.

Rating: D+. Henry dancing was funny but that’s about it. This was even more fime filling tonight on a show that didn’t need any more of that at all. I can’t complain about seeing Summer Rae twice in a single night and she looked great out there but there wasn’t much else to talk about here.

We look at Titus in the food eating contest and then getting sick in JBL’s hat.

Real Americans vs. Prime Time Players

Titus runs over Swagger to start as the announcers talk about stomach ailments. A Cesaro distraction doesn’t do much as Titus sends Jack flying in a release fallaway slam. Swagger gets a boot up in the corner to send O’Neal to the floor followed by a hard clothesline. The Vader Bomb sets up the jumping double stomp for two as the announcers think Titus might get sick again.

A double back elbow gets two for the Americans and we hit the armbar. Now it’s off to a chinlock from Cesaro before he loads up the Swing. Swagger and Colter tell him not to for fear of Titus getting sick but Cesaro does a short version. O’Neal looks to be getting sick but falls into the corner for a tag off to Young. Darren cleans house with some nice suplexes but dives into the uppercut for the pin by Cesaro at 6:48.

Rating: D+. I guess this is another of those matches where they’re appealing to a certain demographic, but it’s certainly not mine. This wasn’t funny but I’ve never been one for the gross out style of comedy. If nothing else, Titus deserves better than this. I can’t believe I’m saying that but it’s true.

The new champion will be called the Unified Champion. I can’t imagine they’ll go with that.

Here are HHH and Stephanie for the contract signing. They make it clear that there will be ONE champion after the title match which is a good thing to make definitive. Both guys come out and HHH runs down the history of both titles, of course playing up the made up history of the World Title. Both guys sign and Orton talks about all the greats that have held the title, but he’s better than all of them.

Orton says he and the people here have something in common: they don’t like Cena very much. He’s the only person capable of taking Cena down and he’ll do that in two weeks. Cena says they’ve met before and Orton reminds Cena of kicking his dad in the head. The only reason Cena is on this earth is to lose every big match he’s ever in. The only dream Orton has ever turned into a nightmare was HHH’s because Orton never lived up to his potential.

Orton was supposed to be the best but he let a guy in a t-shirt and a ball cap take him down. Cena never asked to be the face of anything and he earned his title instead of having it handed to him. He may not be the Apex Predator but he’s John Cena. John challenges Randall to make a move but if he does he’ll show him what tables, ladders and chairs are all about. Orton flips the table and the fight is on.

Cena hits him with a ladder but Orton sends him into the post to take over. Orton loads up the announce table but Cena blasts him with another ladder and some chair shots to back it up. Randy is sent into the steps and back inside but he gets in a ladder shot of his own. Some chair shots put Cena down and Orton loads up a table. Cena sends him through a table in the corner though and it’s an AA through the table to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This is another show where it needed to be two hours. There were some actually fresh ideas out there with Sin Cara beating Del Rio intriguing me. Hunico is a better fit for the character and could take it to some far better places than Mistico. The bulk of the second half felt like a lot of time filler though which doesn’t make for an entertaining show. The good was stronger than the bad but also less frequent which drags the show down slightly. Still decent enough though.

Results

Damien Sandow b. Dolph Ziggler – You’re Welcome

Bella Twins/Natalya b. AJ Lee/Summer Rae/Tamina Snuka – Rollup

Daniel Bryan b. Erick Rowan – Rollup

Xavier Woods/R-Truth b. Tons of Funk – Oklahoma roll to Clay

Sin Cara b. Alberto Del Rio – Swanton Bomb

Shield b. Cody Rhodes/Goldust/Big Show – Rollup to Goldust

Real Americans b. Prime Time Players – Uppercut to Young

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of In Your House at Amazon for just $4 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for just $4 at:




ECW on Sci-Fi – December 16, 2006: Matt Striker Is The Best Villain Around Here

ECW on Sci-Fi
Date: December 16, 2006
Location: TD Banknorth Garden Arena, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 5,500
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

This is a special Saturday show, likely due to Sci-Fi airing some horrible movie. The main story is who will be Lashley’s next challenger since Big Show has left the company. It’s not clear if Heyman will still be the main villain but he wasn’t long for WWE either at this point due to how awful December to Dismember came off. Let’s get to it.

We open with another recap of Lashley winning the title at December to Dismember as well as Lashley beating Big Show again last week.

Theme song.

Tonight it’s Lashley vs. the security guards.

Rob Van Dam vs. Test

Test shoves him into the corner to start and stomps him down, only to have Rob come right back with kicks of his own. They aren’t exactly thinking outside the box so far. A spinwheel kick sends Test to the floor and Rob hits a flip dive over the top to take him down again. Rob’s slingshot legdrop gets two but Test sends him into the post to take over. Rob tries to go up top but gets shoved out to the floor as we take a break.

Back with Test working on the arm (not the one that went into the post but at least he’s trying) before slamming Van Dam down. Test goes up but dives into a boot to put both guys on the mat. Rob kicks him in the face a few times but rolls into a clothesline in the corner to give the Canadian control again. Test misses his big boot and crotches himself on the top, allowing Rob to hit a springboard kick to the face for a close two. The Five Star misses so Rob tries a sunset flip, only to have Test fall on top and grab the rope for the pin.

Rating: D. I know Test gets a lot of flack at times and this match is a good example of why he deserves it. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing when we came back with him working on the wrong arm. That’s so basic of an idea that it just shouldn’t be able to screw it up. It’s LEFT AND RIGHT for crying out loud. On top of that the guy just isn’t interesting as a villain at all. Why should I believe Test is a major threat to anyone when all he can do is grab a rope for a pin? Just bad stuff from Test here.

Here’s Matt Striker for his Classroom segment. He insults Boston as the child of the American Revolution, saying it should have been aborted. Striker rips on various Boston icons such as Red Auerback, John Kerry and Ted Kennedy. This brings out Balls Mahoney….who is beaten down by Striker without breaking a sweat.

Sylvester Terkay and Elijah Burke talk about how awesome they are.

CM Punk vs. Hardcore Holly

Punk armdrags and elbows Holly down to start and gets two off a clothesline. A snap suplex gets the same but Hardcore takes him into the corner and ties him up in the ropes. Punk charges into a boot in the corner but comes back with a swinging neckbreaker to put both guys down. Holly gets kicked and forearmed down for two but he counters the bulldog out of the corner and punches Punk in the head over and over for the DQ.

Rating: F. Give me a break. And a new heel please.

Post match Punk puts Holly in the Vice and makes him tap, BECAUSE HEAVEN FORBID HOLLY HAS TO TAP IN THE MATCH.

Tommy Dreamer vs. Daivari

Dreamer wants Khali but gets a talkative Daivari instead. Daivari punches him to get things going and rakes Dreamer’s eyes, only to be caught coming out of the corner. A reverse DDT puts Daivari down and a regular DDT gets the pin for Dreamer in less than a minute.

Post match, Khali Plunges Dreamer again. Are we really building to Khali vs. Dreamer?

We recap Knox dumping Kelly last week.

Bobby Lashley vs. Security Guards

The guards are in masks and this is non-title. There’s no Heyman in sight so I’d assume he’s gone for good now. Lashley treats the guards (the Bashams but never revealed as such) like the dolts they are and throws them into each other over and over. One of the guards hits Bobby with a nightstick as the tagging phase begins. Lashley is beaten down for a few seconds but comes back with ease and throws the guards into each other some more. A spear puts one of them down and the Dominator is enough to get Lashley the pin.

Rating: D-. After the show they’ve put on so far, they really thought this was the right ending? Lashley barely broke a sweat here and destroyed the guards like they weren’t even there at all. How in the world is this supposed to be interesting? I know Vince loves the idea of Lashley because he’s big and muscular, but you need more than that to be a character.

Post match Lashley beats up the guards again to hammer the point home.

Overall Rating: G. Either for below an F or Good Grief this was horrid. Let this sink in for a second: Matt Striker was the best looking heel at the end of this show. The security was easily dispatched, Holly tapped out, Test is too stupid to remember left from right and Daivari lost in 55 seconds. Who is supposed to challenge Lashley? Other than Khali maybe, who would come off as a threat to him? This show needs a major overhaul and it needs one soon.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of In Your House at Amazon for just $4 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for just $4 at:




ECW on TNN – December 5, 2006: Going Out On Your Back

ECW on Sci-Fi
Date: December 5, 2006
Location: North Charleston Coliseum, North Charleston, South Carolina
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

It’s an important time in ECW as the only WWECW PPV has come and gone. December to Dismember was about as horrible of a show as you could ask for but it saw a new ECW Champion crowned as Bobby Lashley beat Big Show to win the title. Not that people wanted to see Lashley win but what personifies ECW better than a huge muscular man? Tonight is Big Show’s rematch. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Lashley winning the title at December to Dismember.

Heyman shows us Big Show’s blood on his tie. Big Show had agreed to turn ECW from a bingo hall promotion into a worldwide phenomenon. It took an Elimination Chamber and a 280lb man with a weapon to take the title from Big Show, so tonight there’s a rematch. Heyman is crying as he says all this.

Opening sequence.

Rob Van Dam/CM Punk vs. Test/Hardcore Holly

Punk has a taped up shoulder. RVD says he knows Heyman was behind Sabu being attacked and not being able to compete inside the Chamber. Rob kicks Holly in the face to start and hits the split legged moonsault after Holly ducks the middle rope kick to the face. Holly sends him to the floor so Test can get in some cheap shots to give the heels control. Back in and Test pounds him down in the corner though the fans don’t seem to care.

Van Dam comes back with some kicks to the face but Test clotheslines him down and brings in Holly. Tazz amuses himself by saying Cacalacky over and over until RVD kicks Holly in the face, allowing for the tag off to Punk. The running knee and bulldog (which actually connect!) take Holly down and after Test is dispatched, the Rock Bottom sets up the Anaconda Vice, drawing in Heyman’s security for the DQ.

Rating: D+. As mentioned the fans didn’t seem to care for a good chunk of this and can you blame them? Who in the world is buying Test and Hardcore Holly as high level heels? There’s a reason they’re not on Raw and Smackdown after all. Punk getting a rub in the main event scene is a good thing though as he’s one of the most over guys on the show.

Post match Sabu comes out with his arm in a sling and destroys the security.

Daivari issues a challenge to Tommy Dreamer and throws in a video of Khali destroying Dreamer on Sunday.

Tommy Dreamer vs. Daivari

Daivari jumps Dreamer during his entrance and goes after his injured ribs. Tommy fights out of a stretch on the mat and punches away before hitting the DDT for the pin in less than 90 seconds.

Post match here’s Khali with another Punjabi Plunge on a steel chair to Dreamer.

Next week’s show is on Saturday. Good to know.

Big Show says tonight Lashley is all alone and will get the beating of his life.

Kelly Kelly vs. Ariel

This is more fallout from a mixed tag Sunday. Kelly is all serious tonight which as usual doesn’t work when her song is about hollering in a club. Kevin Thorn is here with Ariel but there’s no Mike Knox in sight. Not that it matters as Thorn is ejected before the match gets started. Aries jumps her from behind and screams a lot while hitting some of the worst punches you’ll ever see. Kelly rolls her up for the pin after less than a minute. Riveting stuff here people.

Post match here’s Knox with roses for Kelly to beg her forgiveness. He’s sorry for walking out of the match on Sunday and gets on his knees in front of her. Knox says he’s sorry….for waiting so long to dump her. Kelly’s expression has barely changed from the time she came out to the ring. Knox hits her with the flowers and his finisher (Sister Abigail). Tazz gets out of his chair and chases Knox off to check on Kelly.

Back from a break and Tazz is singing about the show being on Saturday next week to show how serious the previous segment was.

ECW Title: Big Show vs. Bobby Lashley

Lashley is defending and there are no special rules here. Big Show looks furious. Lashley ducks some punches to start and pounds away, only to be shoved down with ease. Bobby tries some more right hands but walks into a side slam to stop him cold. There’s a headbutt to Lashley and Show chokes away on the ropes. We hit the bearhug early on but Big Show drops to a knee to make the hold look less impressive.

Bobby fights back with even more right hands but can’t slam Big Show as we take a break. Back with Show standing on Lashley’s chest and slapping him on the back. An ax handle to the spine keeps Lashley in trouble and a whip into the corner puts him down again. Big Show stands on the back to make Lashley scream but he comes back with right hands (again) for two.

Lashley finally tries something new by kicking at Big Show’s legs but a shoulder block is only good for one. Both guys are down for a bit as Big Show is spent from a few right hands and a shoulder. Lashley still can’t slam Big Show and he can’t suplex him either, only to have Big Show suplex him down with ease. We hit the abdominal stretch (complete with the wrapped leg to make Monsoon happy) for a bit until Lashley comes back with more strikes.

A shoulder block just bounces off Show though and the challenger loads up a superplex. Bobby knocks him away and a top rope clothesline puts Big Show down. Some more clotheslines put him down again but Lashley charges into the chokeslam for two. Another chokeslam is countered and Lashley (kind of) slams him for two. A rather impressive delayed slam is enough to retain Lashley’s title.

Rating: C-. The match was boring but it was the perfect match for Lashley. He took everything Big Show had, kicked out of his finisher, and pinned Big Show clean with an impressive power display. That’s the perfect way to transition the top spot over to Lashley as Big Show was done at this point.

I mean that literally. Big Show wouldn’t be back in WWE for over a year.

Overall Rating: D. The main event as more well done than high quality and that’s the high point of the show. There’s nothing underneath the main event to speak of, other than RVD and Punk feuding with the remnants of Heyman’s regime. Thankfully this show is only an hour a week because more than that could be terrifying.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of In Your House at Amazon for just $4 at:

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On This Day: December 1, 2011 – Impact Wrestling 2011: Come Home Bobby Roode

Impact Wrestling
Date: December 1, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

We’ve got two more shows before Final Resolution and the card is starting to come together. It feels like a filler PPV until we get to something a lot bigger. The interesting thing will be if Storm is allowed to wrestle again as he’s really getting hurt by being injured as the mini-feud with Roode he had made him the real star out of the whole thing. But it’s a concussion so it’s hard to say when he’ll be better. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video of Roode’s family talking about how he’s pretty much abandoned them and it’s all about him anymore. Cool idea given how he was pushed as this family man when he was going for the title.

Sting opens the show and says everyone is trying to run this place. Right now, he’s going to deal with Bobby Roode, so get on out here. Roode says let’s get this over with. Sting talks about how Roode has done all this stuff and jumped Styles and Hardy to end the show. Roode calls it great TV and says Sting is welcome for what he’s done recently. Sting says he runs the place and it’s run his way. For every bad thing Roode does, there’s a consequence, which starts right now.

Cue AJ and Roode says Sting is fighting AJ’s battles now. Sting also brings out Hardy who asks why Roode doesn’t respect Sting’s authority. Sting says screw you Bobby and makes it a three way match for the main event tonight.

The Knockouts are in robes while Karen yells. She gets in Velvet’s face and yells about disrespect and all that jazz. Tonight they’re going to wash six cars and then the rest of them. Oh and they’ll be in swimsuits. Madison gladly disrobes and looks pretty good underneath it.

Jeff Hardy says he and AJ are about to go talk strategy. Jarrett comes up and takes his jacket off. He wants to know why Hardy thinks he belongs here. Hardy says this is his last shot. Jarrett throws his jacket in Hardy’s face and beats him down. Here’s your backstage brawl of the week.

Bischoff meets with Ray in the back because they don’t have an office anymore. Eric wants Ray to wait before killing his kid. Yeah brilliant there dude. Instead, let’s get rid of Abyss. Ray put him through a table and it did nothing so Eric suggests talking to him. Ray thinks he’s nuts (both Eric and Abyss) so he’ll get Scott Steiner to help talk. Oh geez.

The Knockouts are in bikinis and washing cars and Tara is forced to disrobe. ODB gets a street fight with Mickie James for some reason. If she hurts Mickie she’s the new #1 contender.

Mexican America vs. Ink Inc vs. D-Von/D’Angelo Dinero

Winners are #1 contenders. D-Von and Pope clear the ring until we get down to Pope vs. Anarquia with the street preacher taking over. The Mexicans finally take over until it’s a hot tag to D-Von. There’s nothing interesting going on here. I still want to know why they think pushing D-Von is a good thing. Neal tags himself in, spears Hernandez but walks into a spinebuster from D-Von for the pin at 5:06.

Rating: D+. Whatever man. The tag division is such a joke anymore without any solid teams in there. It’s like the tag champions and the #1 contenders are just slapped together with no real rhyme or reason. This isn’t going to be much of a match and does anyone buy that these guys are going to get the titles?

Here’s Austin Aries to talk a bit. He says he has a problem as the greatest man that ever lived. His plan was to revitalize the division and bring in some greatness, but his greatness is so far ahead of everyone else. It’s time to call this the A Double division. No one can hold a candle to him so….oh dang it here’s Kid Kash.

He talks about Turning Point and how Aries screwed him over after Kash took out Sorensen for him. It’s an old vs. new argument and Aries says he’s champion. Kash says he held it before. Aries says shake my hand and you have a shot. They shake hands and punch each other at the same time. I think that’s supposed to be a face turn for Kash.

Gunner goes to find Garrett Bischoff at a gym.

AJ says he’ll win tonight.

Gunner tries to find Garrett Bischoff but finds someone else who he beats up. No one else seems to care. He keeps looking and annoys someone else. Gunner beats up two more people and then the original guy comes back. There’s a clothesline for him and then he chokes the guy down. He hurts a guy’s arm and tried to be menacing, saying he’s coming for Garrett.

Sting yells at Jarrett, telling him to stay out of the main event tonight. Jarrett says Sting has no room to talk because he was in the match with Hardy at Victory Road. Sting says there will be consequences if Jarrett interferes. Jarrett says he might be willing to pay that consequence.

More parenting stuff from Roode’s “wife”.

The Knockouts are still washing cars. Taz’s car is in line for later and a bus or something like that comes up.

Steiner is lifting weights when Ray comes up to talk about Abyss. CAN WE HAVE A WRESTLING MATCH ALREADY??? Steiner suggests offering a freak to Abyss to get him to join their team again.

Mickie James vs. ODB

Street fight. It’s a brawl on the ramp to start and they roll towards the ring. Street fights mean falls count anywhere here I guess. Mickie’s rana is countered into a powerbomb. They go into the crowd and Mickie fights back in front of a handicap ramp. ODB hits her with a lot of metal stuff and Mickie looks a bit dead. We do the odd hardcore match thing where people insist on walking around.

She walks around even more until Mickie gets in a chop. Gee, I wonder if the minute long walk had anything to do with her getting a second wind. Back to the ring and Mickie starts her comeback. ODB breaks up the jumping DDT and gets a chair. Like any idiot, she holds it in front of her face to allow Mickie to kick the chair into her face for the pin at 7:00.

Rating: D+. Well that was pretty dull. I have no idea why they went walking around like that but I never get that in any wrestling match with hardcore rules. ODB continues to look like an idiot and the girls are still better than the Divas, but they’re still nothing to blow my skirt up. The weak show continues.

Storm (at home) says he’s still out with a concussion. Angle interrupts and asks Storm how it felt to have his head bashed in and how his daughter reacted to it. Angle blames Storm for losing the title so Angle says be here next week to confirm a match at Final Resolution. Storm says it’ll be a beating, not a match.

Some chicks are in the back and looking for Abyss.

We see the long version of Roode’s family complaining. Roode says he got them a bunch of stuff with the money so if he’s a user, so are they.

TV Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Robbie E

Why do I have a feeling the obvious ending isn’t the one that is going to happen? RVD dominates to start and sends Robbie to the floor quickly. Big Rob gets in a shot to take over and Robbie pounds away a bit. Back to the floor and here’s Eric Young in underwear with a fire extinguisher. RVD gets a kick to the face and hits the Five Star but Eric has the referee. Daniels runs in and hits Angel’s Wings on RVD so Robbie can get the pin at 4:02.

Rating: Rob. What else do you want me to call it? This was about as predictable as you could want it to be, which isn’t saying much. The match wasn’t the point here obviously and the idea was to have Daniels run in and Young to be all wacky because that’s all he knows how to do.

Steiner’s girls are all messed up after meeting Abyss.

The Knockouts get in a fight with the water and soap. Karen comes in with garden hoses and sprays them all down.

Robert Roode vs. AJ Styles vs. Jeff Hardy

This has over twenty minutes to go so maybe it’ll be good. This is non-title of course. Roode immediately hits the floor and we get our first contact about a minute in with both guys beating on Roode. He gets ping-ponged between the two of them and then clotheslined to the floor. Time for the face showdown….or not. Instead they get in a mini argument over who gets to dive to the floor. Hardy hits a baseball slide as we take a break.

Back with Roode hitting a belly to back suplex for one as Hardy makes the save. AJ gets his eyes raked and accidentally hits Hardy, giving us the showdown we’ve been waiting for. AJ hits his drop down into a dropkick sequence but Hardy takes over and gets two of his own. Roode comes back in and beats both guys down before focusing on Hardy. Spinebuster gets two.

AJ pops back up with the springboard forearm and backflip into the reverse DDT on Roode. Roode takes over again and hits a fisherman’s suplex on AJ which Hardy breaks up. Twist of Fate to Roode and he loads up the Swanton, but here’s Jarrett to crotch him. Roode covers Hardy for the easy pin at 14:30.

Rating: C. Pretty ok match here but at the end of the day, so what? This is more about pushing Jeff vs. Jeff again and that’s not exactly something interesting. Not a bad match at all but I’ve never been a fan of three ways, which isn’t helping things here. At least it sets up a match at Final Resolution, which we’ll get to now.

Sting comes out and makes Jeff vs. Jeff in a cage at the PPV. If Jarrett escapes first, Hardy is gone. If Hardy escapes first, he gets the title shot at Genesis. Karen comes out to yell so she’ll be handcuffed to Sting during the match.

Overall Rating: D+. The biggest problem with this show is that the pacing problems were back. There were five minutes of wrestling in the first hour and for what? So we could have segments about Gunner, Garrett Bischoff, and the Knockouts in swimsuits? That’s what we’re focusing on now? This was a backstage heavy show and that’s really not all that interesting. Also, you don’t need to have Roode’s family pop in all through the show if you’re going to show a full version of it later on. Not a bad show, but pretty boring overall.

Results
D-Von/D’Angelo Dinero b. Mexican America and Ink Inc – Spinebuster to Neal
Mickie James b. ODB – Spinning kick to the face
Robbie E b. Rob Van Dam – Pin after Angel’s Wings
Bobby Roode b. AJ Styles and Jeff Hardy – Pinned Hardy after Jeff Jarrett interfered

 

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Bash at the Beach 1998 (2013 Redo): The Celebrities Are Better Than The Wrestlers

Bash at the Beach 1998
Date: July 12, 1998
Location: Cox Arena, San Diego, California
Attendance: 10,095
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan

 

 

Tonight is all about the celebrities as the main event is DDP/Karl Malone vs. Hollywood Hogan/Dennis Rodman. We’ve also got football player Kevin Greene vs. the Giant in what was supposed to be a tag match. Their original partners are in a world title match as new champion Goldberg defends against Curt Hennig. The midcard matches should be solid, meaning this has potential to be something good. Let’s get to it.

 

 

The opening video focuses on the three major matches tonight with some shots of the beach cut in as well.

 

 

The set is the usual intricate beach setting with sand, lifeguard towers and beach balls. The announcers wearing hula shirts is a nice touch as well.

 

 

We get an intro from the announcers, bragging about all the media attention the show has been getting. Nothing wrong with that.

 

 

Gene, in a white tuxedo, hypes up the hotline.

 

 

Raven vs. Saturn

 

 

Under Raven’s Rules of course. Saturn is in trunks now instead of jeans. Raven of course has Riggs and Lodi with him, the latter being dressed like Hat Guy. Saturn meets him in the aisle to start and whips Raven into the barricade very hard. He chokes Raven with the shirt and takes it inside for the first time. Saturn slips on the top for a bit but comes back with a quick missile dropkick to put Raven down. An ankle lock is quickly broken by Raven grabbing the ropes, even though there are no rules so there’s nothing the referee can threaten Saturn with.

 

 

Raven avoids a legdrop and hits a quick knee lift to put Saturn down for a breather. It’s already table time (Tony: “He’s got a chair.”) but Raven gets crotched while trying to suplex Saturn over the top and through the table. They head to the floor with Raven hitting the Russian legsweep into the barricade for two, even with Raven’s feet on the ropes. Raven’s sleeper is countered by a jawbreaker and both guys are down again. Saturn is up first for some kicks in the corner and a suplex to take over.

 

 

Now it’s chair time (complete with jokes from Heenan at Tony’s expense) with Saturn hitting a spinning springboard legdrop onto Raven onto the chair for two. Saturn takes out Riggs and Lodi but crushes Nick Patrick in the corner with a springboard leg lariat in the corner. Out to the floor again with Raven being bulldogged into the steps.

 

 

Saturn sets up another table next on top of the original with Raven in between but here’s Kanyon to turn on Saturn, pulling Raven out from between the tables. We hit the shades of gray as Kanyon takes Raven inside and gives him the Flatliner onto the chair. Riggs rolls in Saturn and puts Raven on top for two. Saturn comes back with a Death Valley Driver to Riggs but the Even Flow is enough for the pin for Raven.

 

 

Rating: C. The match was fun but as usual, they’re not actually going anywhere with all this stuff. So many of the feuds just go in circles and that doesn’t help anyone at all in the end. Kanyon and Saturn need to do something soon to capitalize on all these awesome moments they’ve had but it seems like they’re going to be doing the same stuff they’ve been doing for months.

 

 

Here’s Eddie to talk about Chavo’s match with Stevie Ray before his hair vs. hair match with Eddie. This is the first mention of Stevie being involved in the PPV, which might be a good idea. Eddie says Stevie is going to destroy Chavo and Eddie will pick up the pieces.

 

 

Juventud Guerrera vs. Kidman

 

 

Wasn’t this supposed to be Juvy vs. Reese II? Kidman looks much cleaner than usual. They lock up to start with Kidman taking over with a headlock. Both guys hit the ropes a few times and they flip to a stalemate. Kidman gets chopped against the ropes and takes down by a headscissors. Lodi pulls Juvy to the floor for a quick beating but Kidman takes out his Flock mate on a dive. Guerrera slides back in and hits a HUGE dive to take both guys down.

 

 

Back in and Kidman slams him down before taking it right back to the floor. Juvy is dropped throat first across the barricade but Kidman misses a charge off the apron to send himself crashing into the barricade as well. They head to the apron with Juvy hitting a sunset bomb to slam Kidman onto the floor again. The fans of course get on Lodi instead of paying attention to the match.

 

 

Juvy throws him inside again and stomps Kidman in the corner a bit before loading up a top rope hurricanrana. Kidman counters with a low blow and a top rope sitout spinebuster for a big crash and two. Back up and Kidman chops away but gets rolled up for two. They head to the corner again and Kidman gets crotched on the top rope, allowing Juvy to hit a springboard hurricanrana for a close two. Kidman’s middle rope bulldog gets the same and they trade rollups for two. The Juvy Driver gets two but Kidman slams him down to set up the Seven Year Itch. Juvy rolls away at the last second though and it’s the 450 for the pin.

 

 

Rating: B-. Good match here as you would expect from these guys. It’s nowhere near their best but it’s better than Reese vs. Juvy would have been. This would have been a good choice for the opener as the fans got into it, even though a lot of their heat was directed at Lodi. Fun stuff.

 

 

Konnan is on WCW.com, talking about his family eating fish tacos.

 

 

Stevie Ray vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

 

 

This is a result of a one off conversation between these two on Nitro. Chavo has a Super Soaker and an inflatable duck around his waist. Eddie comes out to watch so Chavo dedicates the match to him. Chavo avoids contact for awhile before offering a handshake. Stevie shakes his hand…..and Chavo submits. For some reason, Stevie is mad even though he won.

 

 

Time for the hair vs. hair match and Eddie is livid.

 

 

Eddie Guerrero vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

 

 

Loser gets a haircut. They lock up to start and Eddie leapfrogs him, only to be bitten on the tights, sending him out to the floor. Back in and Eddie asks the referee to look at the injury but Charles Robinson is just fine thank you. Now Chavo wants to dance a bit. A frustrated Eddie kicks the turnbuckle and injures his foot, sending him out to the floor. Eddie throws in a chair but Chavo sits down in it and asks Eddie to come in. Things settle down a bit and Eddie gets on his knees to ask for a handshake. Chavo takes his hand and pulls Eddie into a clothesline as we actually get going.

 

 

Eddie hides in the corner at the referee’s knees but gets bitten again as the comedy continues. Eddie finally dropkicks the knee out and sends Chavo into the corner to take over. Some shoulders to Chavo’s back in the corner have him in even more trouble and a gutbuster puts him down again. A low dropkick sets up a slingshot hilo to stay on Chavo’s back and the nephew is in trouble. There’s the Gory Special in the middle of the ring but Chavo gets his legs free, only to be clotheslined right back down.

 

 

We hit a camel clutch on Chavo for a bit before Eddie fires off some chops against the ropes. Chavo avoids a dropkick and scores with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker to put Eddie down. Eddie pulls the trunks to send Chavo to the floor and pulls back the mats. The brainbuster is countered though and Chavo suplexes him down onto the exposed concrete. Back in and Chavo goes up again but gets crotched down, setting up an Eddie superplex to put both guys down.

 

 

Back up and Chavo launches Eddie over his head and face first into the turnbuckle but Chavo’s frog splash hits knees. Eddie’s tornado DDT (Chavo’s finisher) puts Chavo down and Eddie goes for the scissors. That’s not cool with Little Naitch so Eddie tries the frog splash to a similar result. Now Chavo goes for the scissors but the referee takes them away, allowing Eddie to get a rollup for the pin.

 

 

Rating: B-. To no surprise, this was a good match. Chavo has grown up a lot in this feud and the matches are getting better and better every time. I’m digging Chavo being crazy yet brilliant with stuff like the handshake submission earlier. He’s gone from nothing to an interesting character which was the idea all along.

 

 

Post match Chavo grabs the electric clippers and shaves his own hair off. He offers to cut Eddie’s as well so they can be twins. Chavo: “You don’t want to cut my hair? What a psycho!” Chavo cuts his own hair and shaves the whole thing off.

 

 

We get an odd few moments during the haircut as Tony talks like the main event is up next before going into a full recap of Jericho vs. Malenko. Instead of either of those, we get this.

 

 

Disco Inferno vs. Konnan

 

 

This is a bonus match and Disco is officially from FUNKYTOWN. Before the match, Alex and Disco imitate Konnan in an unfunny bit. Nash and Luger come out with Konnan which is some serious overkill. They’re just a comedy tag team guys. Nash and Konnan do their full entrances and talking bits as we’re clearly filling time now.

 

 

Konnan takes him down with ease and stomps on Disco’s back. An X-Factor and the rolling lariat put Inferno down again but Wright pulls him to the floor for an attack. Luger Racks Alex, allowing Nash to Jackknife Disco. Konnan puts on the Tequila Sunrise for the easy submission. That’s three people interfering in a two minute match with no backstory for those of you keeping track. This is why we needed another NWO group?

 

 

Kevin Greene vs. The Giant

 

 

Greene is very fired up here. He rolls away from Giant to start and sneaks in a slap to the face. Giant growls at him so Kevin bails to the floor. Greene kicks the ropes to crotch Giant as they come back in before pounding away in the corner. The fans are into this and it helps that Greene could probably get a job on his looks and charisma alone. Giant catches him in a bearhug though and spinebusts him down to take over.

 

 

A Goldberg chant starts up so Giant pounds Greene in the head out of anger. Back up and Giant chops away as Tony talks about the Georgia Dome show getting 39,919 people. Every source I can find says it was over 40,000, so why would WCW understate it? I’ve never understood that.

 

 

Anyway Greene snaps Giant’s throat across the ropes but gets headbutted right back down. They head to the floor with Giant going face first into the barricade a few times before heading back inside. Kevin hits a top rope forearm to drop Giant for two and it’s time to go for the knees. That lasts about two seconds before Greene charges into a chokeslam in the corner for the pin.

 

 

Rating: C+. That’s on a very adjusted scale considering that Greene isn’t a wrestler. Factoring that in, this was some very impressive stuff. Greene looked completely comfortable out there and there wasn’t a single time there where he looked lost. If he wasn’t an incredible football player, he had a career in wrestling for sure. Entertaining stuff here again.

 

 

Hennig says Goldberg doesn’t have the heart to beat him.

 

 

We recap Jericho vs. Malenko with a video from Nitro, showing Malenko getting handcuffed for attacking Jericho after the insults about Dean’s dad.

 

 

We still don’t know who Jericho’s opponent is tonight so he comes to the ring with a cane while wearing a top hat as he promised to do. He teases a softshoe but here’s JJ to interrupt. Dillon thinks he might have made a mistake about Jericho, but we have an opponent. He hasn’t been in the ring in six months, but it’ll be a No DQ match like it was supposed to be with Malenko. Jericho: “Bring out the jobber!”

 

 

Cruiserweight Title: Chris Jericho vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.

 

 

Rey is clearly limping on the way to the ring but has a VERY muscular physique. Rey fires off forearms in the corner and dropkicks Chris into the ropes. Jericho bails to the floor for a breather but comes back in to go after the bad knee. They head up the aisle and fight on the lifeguard’s before Rey hurricanranas him down onto the “irritating” (Tony’s word) sand.

 

 

Back in and Jericho rolls through a high cross body for two before hitting something like a top rope powerslam for no cover. Jericho grabs a chair and goes after the knee but spends too long mocking Rey, allowing Mysterio to get in some shots to Jericho’s knee. The West Coast Pop is badly botched to the point it looks like a powerbomb on Rey. He bails to the ropes to avoid the Liontamer but here’s the suspended Dean Malenko. The distraction lets Rey snap off a hurricanrana for the pin and the title.

 

 

Rating: D+. This didn’t work very well. It’s not a horrible match but Rey looked very rusty out there. The crowd was happy to see him, but they booked themselves into a corner with Dean. He needs to get his revenge on Jericho and be done with it but this just extends the story out even longer. Hopefully Rey gets better with some more ring time.

 

 

Post match Dean chases Jericho to the back and Arn Anderson slows Jericho down, allowing Malenko to get in some shots.

 

 

TV Title: Booker T vs. Bret Hart

 

 

Booker is defending after being goaded into the match by some Bret chair shots. Bret gets taken to the mat but comes back with right hands to the face to take over. A snapmare gets two for Booker and he sends Bret out to the floor. Bret comes back with a whip into the barricade and we head back inside for the first shots at Booker’s braced knee. Booker grabs a quick spinebuster for a floatover two count but Bret backdrops out him out to the floor.

 

 

Back in and Bret stays on the knee before getting two off a Russian legsweep. Booker gets stomped down in the corner but comes back with a quick side kick and the flapjack. There’s the Spinarooni but Booker doesn’t snap to his feet as he usually does. The missile dropkick gets two as Bret gets his foot on the ropes. Bret goes outside and grabs a chair to stop a diving Booker for a DQ.

 

 

Rating: D+. Well that happened. Really there isn’t much else to say about this match. The match was just there with Bret doing some stuff, Booker coming back, then Bret ending it with the chair. Bret is probably at the top of the list of guys who were wasted in WCW as he went from WWF Champion to losing in a lower card title match inside of eight months. That’s impressive even by WCW standards.

 

 

Bret goes after the knee with the chair and cracks it over the exposed knee cap. He hooks the Heartbreaker around the post and Stevie Ray takes his sweet time in making the save.

 

 

Video on Goldberg’s big night on Monday.

 

 

WCW World Title: Goldberg vs. Curt Hennig

 

 

No Rude for the challenger tonight. Goldberg runs him over to start and hits a kind of release belly to belly, sending Curt into the corner. Goldberg uses his legs to take Hennig down and Curt bails to the floor. Back in and Goldberg charges into a boot in the corner but Hennig gets caught in a gorilla press powerslam. Curt goes after the knee with a chop block and some cannonballs. The HennigPlex gets two and it’s the spear and Jackhammer to retain the title.

 

 

Rating: D. You know all those other Goldberg matches? Read whatever I said about any of those and swap out whatever that opponent’s name for Curt Hennig.

 

 

We recap the main event without words. Basically the basketball players don’t like each other because they played in the finals twice in a row and Hogan said some stuff about Page that DDP didn’t like.

 

 

Diamond Dallas Page/Karl Malone vs. Dennis Rodman/Hollywood Hogan

 

 

Page and Malone have matching attire, which look like they jumped into a vat of hot glue with their jeans on. They come out to some hip hop song that keeps saying “feel the bang.” Malone looks like he’s been carved out of granite while Rodman is in a t-shirt and jeans. The basketball players get us going but first Hogan has to take off Rodman’s glasses. Rodman runs to the ropes to hide and the fans are all over him. That works so well that they do it a second time. A test of strength doesn’t happen as we hit two minutes into the match.

 

 

Rodman grabs a headlock but bails to the floor when Malone charges at him. Off to Hogan for a posedown with Hollywood getting frustrated. Malone hooks a kind of standing chinlock (imagine a left arm Rock Bottom but he clasps his hands together and squeezes) before slamming Hogan down. We’re five minutes in now and it’s off to Page. DDP gets Rodman and shoves him down off a lockup. A shoulder puts Rodman down again as the stalling continues. They spit at each other and Rodman armdrags him down. Somehow we’re seven minutes into this match.

 

 

They hit the ropes a bit and collide to send both guys down. Back to the headlock by Rodman but Page reverses into one of his own. The fans are clearly getting restless. Rodman leapfrogs Page twice and they collide again to give us more laying down. Malone comes in and kicks at Rodman, sending him over to Hogan for the tag. Karl hooks a top wristlock and shoves Hogan to the mat. Hogan complains of a hair pull and Rodman gets in a cheap shot to get to the whole tag match idea for the first time.

 

 

Hogan chokes a lot and slams Malone down before raking the boot over Malone’s eyes. Rodman comes in with some elbow drops before it’s back to Hogan for a chinlock. Here’s Rodman again for some double teaming and a belly to back suplex from Hogan. Hollywood misses an elbow though and it’s hot tag to Page. DDP comes in with a top rope clothesline to Hogan but a cheap shot from Rodman lets the NWO take over again. Hogan chokes away in the corner with his boot followed by a running clothesline.

 

 

Rodman comes in for a double big boot and more choking before it’s back to Hogan for right hands in the corner. Page hits a quick elbow but Rodman breaks up the tag attempt and puts on a front facelock. Malone plays cheerleader on the apron and we get the unseen and phantom tag tropes to space the match out even more. The big boot puts Page down but he avoids the legdrop and it’s hot tag off to Malone.

 

 

Clotheslines all around put the NWO down and they both get slams. There’s a double noggin knocker followed by Hogan’s head going into the buckle. A big boot drops Hogan and it’s off to Page for a running Diamond Cutter (Hogan landed on his hands, making the move look horrible). Malone Diamond Cuts Rodman but Disciple sneaks in with a Stunner to Page, giving Hogan the pin and a face pop for some reason.

 

 

Rating: F. This was about what you knew it was going to be, though it could have been FAR worse. Malone was clearly taking this seriously which is more than you can say for most celebrities in matches. Rodman looked like your usual celebrity wrestler: decent at the one or two really basic moves he used but pretty worthless otherwise. I’ve read before that this was originally booked to go nearly an hour, which makes me shiver in fear. I guess Hogan needed this win as a thank you for the mainstream attention he brought in?

 

 

Malone gives Disciple and the referee Diamond Cutters (good ones too) and the NWO celebrates like this is a big deal.

 

 

The announcers talk a bit to wrap things up.

 

 

Overall Rating: C. This is the WCW PPV formula but a better version than usual. The earlier stuff is mostly good while the main events cripple it, though Goldberg’s match was what the fans wanted to see and was executed as well as it could have been. The problem with the company is the same as always though: the main stories aren’t going anywhere. The tag match doesn’t change anything here and everyone involved in it now needs to start a new story. It’s a good show overall, but as usual turn it off before the main event.

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On This Day: November 30, 2011 – NXT 2011: They’ve Only Just Begun. Heaven Help Us All.

NXT
Date: November 30, 2011
Location: Time Warner Cable Arena, Charlotte, North Carolina
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Matt Striker

Time for another week of this. We’re almost in December of a show that started in early March. We’re also approaching the wedding of Maxine and Bateman, which I think is scheduled for late January. This show really is going to last an entire year isn’t it? I was kidding when I suggested that at first. I guess we’re supposed to ignore that all three guys have appeared on Smackdown in the past few weeks right? Let’s get to it.

The song saying that they have just begun scares me.

No Regal this week???

The main event is a triple threat with the rookies and the winner gets a match on Smackdown.

Tyler Reks vs. Percy Watson

Watson has an annoying spoken part before his song now. I’m sorry but he really isn’t on the level that he deserves that yet. Hawkins sits in on commentary. Fast paced start with Watson flying around the place but he walks into a Downward Spiral into the middle buckle for two. Striker says that the money here is way better in the NFL. If my math is right, the minimum salary in the NFL is about a quarter million dollars a year. Methinks Matt is lying.

Watson starts his comeback and hammers away. The fans actually seem to care for him here as a cross body gets two. Hawkins gets up and plays ugly cheerleader, allowing Reks to get in a shot to break the momentum again. Reks goes up for what appears to be a double axe off the top but jumps into a dropkick for the pin at 3:20.

Rating: C-. Just a match here for the most part. It wasn’t bad or anything but it’s kind of hard to get interested in a match like this where there’s no reason at all to see them fight. They’re not fighting for anything but pride so it doesn’t really add up to anything. Watson is fun to watch when he jumps though.

Curtis is hitting on Kaitlyn when Maxine comes up. He has good taste. Kaitlyn is invited back to his bus which Maxine says doesn’t exist. Kaitlyn leaves and Maxine yells because that’s insulting to her to go from Maxine to someone like Kaitlyn. Maxine talks to Curtis and they’re about to kiss but he kisses his fingers and puts them to her lips. She isn’t happy. He leaves and Bateman comes up so she kisses him hard…..with his mother next to him. Bateman leaves and Mama Bateman threatens her with violence if she hurts Bateman.

Yoshi Tatsu/Trent Barretta vs. Tyson Kidd/Johnny Curtis

We get a High Fliers reference from Striker, who swears some people know who he’s talking about. Tatsu vs. Curtis gets us going and there isn’t much going on so they both tag out. Trent winds up in the corner as the announcers aren’t all that interested in the match. Kidd gets two off a kick to the head and hooks in a chinlock. They go up to the corner and Trent mostly misses what we would kind of call a Whisper in the Wind. That sets up the hot tag to Tatsu who beats up ever heel in sight. He tries to fire up the crowd and it doesn’t work at all. The top rope spinwheel kick misses and Curtis hits a sitout brainbuster for the pin at 4:30.

Rating: D. Just dull again here as Curtis is as uninteresting of a guy as I’ve seen in years. A sitout brainbuster isn’t an interesting move at all and that fits perfectly. At least with the diving legdrop it looked ok. Nothing to see here and for the life of me I don’t get why he keeps a job, especially with some of the other people they could put on this show.

We get the entire Piper’s Pit from Monday. It still doesn’t quite work as the fans didn’t boo Cena. It eats up about 10 minutes though which is ten minutes of NXT stuff I don’t have to watch.

Maxine vs. Alicia Fox

Matthews asks Striker to compare the offensive styles here….and somehow he does it. For the life of me I don’t get why the Divas are on TV all the time. Alicia uses a lot of moves involving her flexibility which get her nowhere. Bateman and Mama Bateman come out to watch. Maxine sees them and panics a bit, allowing Alicia to hit the Axe Kick for the win at 2:24.

Derrick Bateman vs. Titus O’Neil vs. Darren Young

Young waits on the floor as Titus beats Bateman up. He slides in and chops away (WOO) so Titus pounds him down also. Young continues his Flair impersonation and is slammed off the top for two. After a break for a bad Cena movie, the heels are double teaming Titus. As is custom, they get in a fight of their own, allowing Titus to fight back. Young hits a clothesline for two on O’Neil.

The heels fight a bit more and I’m trying to care. I mean I really am trying, but it’s just not going to happen at all. Bateman goes up and gets crotched and it’s a TOWER OF DOOM!!! They actually call it that and it’s a wicked one too. Titus can’t get the pin on Young so he grabs the rope like Batista and yells a lot. Young and O’Neil fight to the apron and Young takes him down with a neckbreaker. Bateman grabs O’Neil as he comes back in for the pin at 8:49.

Rating: C-. Pretty dull stuff here and my goodness why would it be Bateman? I mean, it couldn’t be clearer that O’Neil is the class of this group but instead their answer is try to make it seem like a competition. I don’t know who thinks this is interesting to watch, but it’s really not working at all. Boring match to end a boring show.

Post match Bateman wants Maxine to come out but he gets JTG and Tamina instead. They say she left with Curtis. Oh joy.

Overall Rating: D. It was an hour long and it was the Derrick Bateman Show tonight. I have no idea why they’re choosing to push him but that’s all they seem to think is the right idea. Titus is a guy that could be an interesting character on one of the big shows but it just isn’t happening here. Bad show.

Results
Percy Watson b. Tyler Reks – Dropkick
Tyson Kidd/Johnny Curtis b. Yoshi Tatsu/Trent Barretta – Sitout Brainbuster to Tatsu
Alicia Fox b. Maxine – Axe Kick
Derrick Bateman b. Titus O’Neil and Darren Young – Pinned O’Neil after a neckbreaker from Young

 

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On This Day: November 29, 2011 – Smackdown: Christmas In November

Smackdown
Date: November 29, 2011
Location: Time Warner Cable Arena, Charlotte, North Carolina
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Josh Matthews

This is a special edition of the show as it’s airing live on Tuesday. Also it’s the holiday episode, which I think is a catch all for Thanksgiving and Christmas, which is next month but whatever. Foley is the host for the evening and we have a world title match in a cage with Henry vs. Bryan. Let’s get to it.

The show opens with fake snow and Josh saying there was a snow storm that started a few seconds ago.

Here’s Foley. There’s a Christmas set. Aren’t they pulling this out a little early? I mean we have Christmas music, Foley in a Santa suit, Christmas lights at the table and all that jazz. He points out that it’s still November but he’s a Christmas fanatic. What Good Old JR is to barbecue sauce and what the Ultimate Warrior is to arm tassels, he is to Christmas. For us tonight, we have a world title match between Tiny Tim and the Ghost of Christmas Fear inside a steel cage. There’s also a miracle on 34th street fight, an over the top rope battle royal where the winner gets their Christmas wish granted…and Michael Cole.

Foley can’t get around the contract and Cole’s legal team, but he can pick how Cole has to dress. Cue Cole in a Rudolph costume. Josh is in an elf outfit so he can’t complain much. Foley also brings out Booker, who is also in a Santa outfit. Foley asks for a Spinarooni to make up for This is your Life from a few weeks ago. It’s set to the Dradle Song because they both spin. The hat comes off but the fans cheer for it so all is well.

Cue Cody all in white. Well mostly in white. He says that he’s seeing clearly now and says that he’s not going to let someone take up the time when that person can’t perform in the ring anymore. Booker says he can still go and calls Cody son. Foley cuts Cody off and makes Booker vs. Cody for later. No word on if this is for the title or not. First up, let’s have a Divas match.

Alicia Fox vs. Brie Bella vs. Nikki Bella vs. Natalya vs. Kaitlyn vs. AJ vs. Tamina vs. Aksana

This is a mistletoe on a pole match, which means you have to climb up and get the mistletoe. The winner gets something they can cash in before Christmas. Brie wins at 57 seconds after climbing on Nikki. I have no idea if I got all the competitors or not, not do I care.

Foley says Brie gets to kiss any superstar she wants before Christmas. Ok then.

Justin Gabriel vs. Jinder Mahal

Mahal runs down Christmas before the show starts. We hear about how Mahal has hates DiBiase for giving away all his money. Cue DiBiase in a Santa hat with a bag. He throws out WWE gifts to fans. The distraction lets Gabriel hit an STO and the 450 for the pin at 2:15.

Foley is learning the Siva Tao from the Usos when Piper comes up. He wants a new straightjacket for Christmas. Horny and some good looking woman are having egg nog. Dusty Rhodes is here. He offers Horny a picture of Lagy Gaga and something about sandwich. Dusty says there are some strange people here and turns around into Goldust. There’s something awesome about that. Oh the chick is Maxine.

Piper is talking to someone when Otunga comes up with the coffee cup and has an announcement from Johnny Ace. The holiday music has to be in the public domain. Eh we might as well shut the party down now. Foley and Piper are like dude…..you are in WAY over your head. Foley puts Otunga in the street fight tonight against Randy Orton.

We recap Booker vs. Cody. Booker is in the back when Cody jumps him with the belt, injuring his arm.

Kofi Kingston vs. Tyson Kidd

This should be good. Booker vs. Cody is officially off. Tyson has hair now. They start off pretty fast and both guys go down off a double clothesline. Kidd hits the floor to avoid Trouble in Paradise but Kofi hits a dropkick out there anyway. Kofi gets in Cole’s face for some reason and steals the reindeer hat. Kidd gets in a shot and somehow this isn’t a double countout yet. Kofi puts the hat and nose on, finishing with the top rope cross body at 3:33.

Rating: C. Total comedy match and that’s fine. The idea of the reindeer flying to end it was good but we need to get Bourne back already so Kofi can defend the title instead of just holding it. I think he’s due back tomorrow or something so it shouldn’t be that big of a deal. Decent match but with more time it would have been even better.

Kaitlyn tells Horny he should wish to be taller. Teddy and Sheamus are talking and Sheamus asks what the winner of the battle royal (20 man) gets. Teddy doesn’t know but whatever it is, it’ll be worth it. Cue Aksana who has mistletoe with her. And Aksana eats it instead of kissing Teddy.

Randy Orton vs. David Otunga

This is a street fight. There are a bunch of Christmas trees at ringside as well as presents that slide around the floor. Otunga is in red shorts now instead of his normal trunks. Randy throws him into a bunch of trees and then the announce table. There’s a tray of cookies there so Orton has a bite, gives a face as if to say not bad, then smacks Otunga with the tray.

He grabs a wreath off the post, shouts HO HO HO in Otunga’s face (legit made me laugh) and sends him into the steps. Otunga goes under the ring and finds a kendo stick made to look like a candy cane. Orton takes him down though and beats Otunga with it as Otunga runs. Orton picks up a present and chucks it at David’s head to knock him down.

They go up the stage and Otunga goes into the big tree. There’s an elevated DDT to the floor but Barrett runs out for the beatdown. It would have helped a lot had Orton not looked over his shoulder just before the DDT. The big boot he takes Orton down with gets two and Otunga’s time is measured in seconds. There’s the finishing sequence and the RKO ends this at 7:38.

Rating: C+. This was meant to be a totally fun match and that’s all it was ever supposed to be. Barrett running in even advances the storyline a bit and it helped things somewhat. I had a very good time with this but I’m a total Christmas geek so I’m about as biased as you can be here. Fun match and it worked all around.

Henry is getting taped up and Teddy comes in. Mark yells at him and says he’ll take his anger out on Bryan.

Battle Royal

There are twenty people in this and I’ll let you figure out who all is in it yourselves. I see Mahal, Slater, the Usos, Jackson, Sheamus, O’Neil, Watson, DiBiase, Hunico, Reks, Gabriel, Kidd and Horny. Sheamus is by far the biggest name in this. Hawkins and Young are in there. Young is out quickly as is I think Jey Uso. JTG is in this and as soon as I say this he’s eliminated. DiBiase and Gabriel try to get Hawkins out but can’t quite do it. Kofi and Yoshi Tatsu are in this and I think that’s everyone.

There goes Hawkins at the hands of Big Zeke. We get the showdown with Jackson and Sheamus with with pale One beating him down. Jackson sets for a big clotheline but Sheamus ducks to put him out. Johnny Curtis was the 20th guy in there and Sheamus puts him out easily. Kofi puts out the other Uso but Kidd dropkicks Kingston out seconds later.

Tatsu is gone and Kidd skins the cat and pulls out DiBiase at the same time. Horny slips out from the floor and pulls Kidd out. We take a break with about 8 people left. Back with eight people left: O’Neil, Hunico, Gabriel, Mahal, Reks, Sheamus, Slater and Horny. Gabriel tries to jump on the apron but Mahal knocks him to the floor. Clash of the Titus puts Reks down but he barks too much and Sheamus puts him out. Dang it I wanted him to wish for NXT to end.

Slater and Mahal jump Sheamus but he explodes and beats everyone down. Everyone goes to the floor through the ropes and beats Sheamus down. No one is in the ring at the moment. Ok so now everyone but Sheamus is in. It’s Mahal, Hunico, Slater and Reks. Mahal says we need to go find Horny. They all pick a side of the ring and dive under the ring. Mahal catches him and it’s 4-1. Slater shoves him down as does Hunico.

They all carefully stomp him but before the toss him Sheamus is back in. There goes Reks and Hucio is out as well. Mahal is out and a Brogue Kick puts Slater down. Ok so it’s Horny vs. Sheamus. Oh good grief. Horny says bring it on and Sheamus isn’t sure what to say. He tells Horny to get out but Horny tells him to get out. He kicks Sheamus in the shins but Sheamus grabs him by the beard and starts putting him out but Horny grabs the top rope. Sheamus gets on the apron and detatches him but Horny won’t get off the apron. Sheamus tries to talk to him and they hug, but Horny shoves him off for the win at 13:25.

Rating: C+. This was fun until the end, when it just got stupid. Why in the world would have put Horny over here for the sake of a comedy bit? Well at least this is for an obscure prize instead of something like a title shot so it could be a lot worse. Ok maybe not a lot worse but it could be worse.

Sheamus teases anger but smiles and Horny celebrates.

Ricardo hits on the Bellas at the party as Piper talks to Dusty. They’re talking about Cena and Dusty thinks it’s ridiculous to think the fans are going to get to Cena. Santa comes up and sits down for Horny to ask for his wish. There’s something about celery, Jonas Salk, Peter Falk and chalk. Foley has it wrong and it’s that Horny wants to TALK. They hug and Horny can speak. He goes around using his new powers and calls Vickie a grandma. Foley pops up in a Cactus Jack shirt and Santa is gone. Piper and Dream have no idea what’s going on and I don’t really want the answer.

AJ comes up to wish Bryan luck. Bryan tells Striker he’s ready.

The cage is lowered.

The Slammys are in two weeks.

Smackdown World Title: Mark Henry vs. Daniel Bryan

We even get big match intros. The winner gets Big Show at TLC. Bryan runs for the corner almost immediately. You can win by pin, submission or escape. Bryan keeps trying to run and avoid corners. He wisely goes for the bad leg so Henry throws him into the cage. He splashes Bryan against the wall and we take a break. Back with Henry still dominating. We get a clip from during the break with Henry pulling Bryan back and in essence sling shotting him into the cage.

Time for a nerve hold to waste some time. Bryan fires off a dropkick but Henry kills him with a clothesline. The leg is wearing out though as he kind of falls into the cover for two. Bryan wakes up and goes crazy on the ankle, getting Henry down on the mat and screaming in pain. Bryan climbs but Henry makes the catch, crotching Bryan on the ropes. Henry goes for the door but Bryan grabs the ankle again. Bryan fires off a dropkick to the knee and hooks the LeBell Lock but Henry powers out of it.

Off to an ankle lock and the place is really getting into this. Henry kicks Bryan off but he can’t get up to follow up on it. The challenger goes up but gets his tights partially pulled down. Now Henry goes up but Bryan follows him. He gets over the top but Henry grabs the arm and pulls him back in. There’s some good drama in this. Henry tries a powerbomb out of the corner but Bryan climbs over the top. Henry pulls him back in again and headbutts him into the World’s Strongest Slam from the top. And that takes care of Bryan at 11:15.

Rating: B. Good main event here and the drama towards the end was solid. I don’t think anyone had any realistic reason to believe that Bryan was going to win and they shouldn’t have. He’s a midcard guy getting his first chance in there with the big boys and he’s not ready for the title yet. Still though, very solid main event and Henry gets a win that he’s been lacking recently.

Overall Rating: A-. WWE is on a ROLL right now with their TV shows. Last night was great and tonight was as well. The idea that seems to work for them is to not linger on stuff too long and most importantly, not go back to things over and over again. This show was fine with all of its holiday themes and I liked it a lot. It could have been better, but if they were hoping to show that Smackdown can work live, they nailed it here. Good stuff again.

Results
Brie Bella won a Mistletoe On A Pole Match
Justin Gabriel b. Jinder Mahal – 450 Splash
Kofi Kingston b. Tyson Kidd – Top Rope Cross Body
Randy Orton b. David Otunga – RKO
Hornswoggle won a battle royal last eliminating Sheamus
Mark Henry b. Daniel Bryan – World’s Strongest Slam from the middle rope

 

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Thunder – July 8, 1998: The Midcard Saves Them Again

Thunder
Date: July 8, 1998
Location: Birmingham-Jefferson Civic Center, Birmingham, Alabama
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan, Lee Marshall, Tony Schiavone

The main story here of course is Goldberg winning the world title two days before in the Georgia Dome. We’re heading into Bash at the Beach on Sunday and the question is how does this change the PPV card on Sunday. Goldberg had been scheduled for a tag match but the world title wasn’t scheduled to be defended anyway. Hopefully we get the announcement tonight but it’s WCW so they probably haven’t thought that far ahead. Let’s get to it.

This is on a Wednesday instead of the usual Thursday.

The announcers talk about Goldberg to open the show with Heenan almost on the verge of standing and applauding.

Here’s JJ Dillon with a major announcement. Apparently Goldberg has accepted a challenge for a title match from Curt Hennig and will face him on Sunday. Giant and Kevin Greene, who were scheduled to be in a tag match with Hennig and Goldberg, will have a singles match instead. Also we’ll find out about the US Title eventually.

Now here’s Hennig to hype up his match on Sunday. Curt is sure he can’t wrestle DDP tonight because it might interfere with his world title shot and all the Black and White fans here wouldn’t want that of course. The fans apparently are all psychics as they’re chanting Goldberg without opening their mouths. Hennig wants Rude to lawyer up to get out of the match with Page and promises to win the title for Hogan. Heaven forbid he do it to be world champion of course.

Public Enemy vs. Shiima Nabunaga/Tokyo Magnum

I hate to admit it, but Public Enemy had one of the catchiest themes I can remember in WCW. The Dragon Gate guys jump Public Enemy to start but are quickly clotheslined down and out to the floor. We start with Tokyo vs. Johnny with Magnum being put down with a pancake. Off to Rocco who misses a springboard moonsault, giving Shiima a two count. Shimma gets crotched on the top and everything breaks down. Tokyo gets caught in a double gutbuster and Shiima is put through the double stack of tables for the academic pin. Basically a squash.

Tokyo tries to dance with Public Enemy and gets punched in the face, drawing in Disco Inferno and Alex Wright to beat Public Enemy up.

Video on the basketball match.

Villano IV vs. The Cat

It sounds better than Ernest Miller if nothing else. Villano gets in a cheap shot to start which fits the whole villain gimmick. He stomps away in the corner but Cat comes back with a quick sunset flip for two and a kick to the head, living up to the whole karate guy gimmick. The other Villano tries to sneak in but gets kicked down as well, allowing Cat to hit his top rope kick to the face for the pin on V.

Rating: D+. There wasn’t much to see here other than the finish but at least Cat is starting to show some charisma out there. It also doesn’t help that he was doing some basic stuff besides just kicking all the time. It’s still not interesting or anything but it was a big step up over what he’s done before.

Here’s Eddie Guerrero to talk about the hair vs. hair match with Chavo on Sunday. He was happy to see Goldberg win the title on Monday because Goldberg got it all together. On Sunday, Eddie is going to get it together against Chavo. Eddie has spent the last few months building Chavo up but somewhere along the way a screw came loose and Chavo has lost it. “We’re talking wacko here.” Eddie gets real serious and promises to humiliate and degrade Chavo by shaving him bald, because no one likes bald people. Just remember that he’s doing it because he loves Chavo. Very solid promo here to hype up a good feud.

Here’s DDP for even more talking. He’s proud of Goldberg as well, “and that’s a shoot.” Page fumbles his words a bit while trying to talk about Hogan and Rodman before talking about how awesome Malone is. Apparently Malone has been training over five hours a day every day to get ready for the match. Sunday is going to end the worst year of Hogan’s life and that’s about it. As for Hennig, he isn’t getting out of the match tonight and will feel the BANG.

Juventud Guerrera vs. Judo Suwa

They trade chops to start with Suwa getting the better of it. Juvy gets a boot up to stop a charge in the corner and a headscissors sends Suwa out to the floor. A big dive takes Judo out and fires up the crowd a bit after all that talking put them to sleep. Back in and Suwa stomps on Juvy and hits a Vader Bomb for two. They run the ropes a bit with Juvy being sent out to the apron but he comes back in with a springboard missile dropkick to the back of the head. Kidman strolls out to ringside as Juvy hits two Juvy Drivers in a row for the pin.

Rating: C. Some nice high spots in there but not much else. This is another one of those matches just thrown out there to fill in some time and fire up the crowd a bit but it wasn’t one of the better versions. Kidman didn’t do anything in the match but it tied into Juvy vs. Reese on Sunday.

Post match here’s the Flock to beat up Guerrera again with Kidman hitting the Seven Year Itch.

Bash at the Beach ad.

Here’s Mongo for another interview. He talks about bringing back the Horsemen and we get a promo from Arn in 1995 right before his match with Flair at Fall Brawl. In it, Arn talks about giving Flair all he has and being able to look at himself in the mirror the next morning because of it. Mongo again asks to bring back the Horsemen and name drops Flair a bit.

The announcers talk about Sunday.

Another Bash at the Beach promo.

Stevie Ray vs. Konnan

Before the match, Ray talks about how Booker isn’t here because he’s getting ready for his match on Sunday. Konnan makes noises on the way to the ring which I think were supposed to be English but I could only make out words like Flexy and Mach. Stevie tries to pound some grammar into him to start and gets two off a forearm. A World’s Strongest Slam puts Konnan down but he pops back up with the rolling lariat and an X-Factor for two. They head to the floor for a bit with Stevie kicking Konnan in the face before hitting him with a chair for the DQ.

The beating with the chair continues until Booker comes out in street clothes to stop his brother.

Video on Bret vs. Booker.

Hennig is on the phone with Rude and talks about sending a fax to the bosses which guarantees that the match doesn’t happen tonight.

Raven/Horace vs. Saturn/Kanyon

Apparently we’re going to see Hogan vs. Goldberg again on Monday. Not a rematch, but a rebroadcast. Saturn works on Horace’s arm to start before handing him off to Kanyon for a crucifix. A swinging neckbreaker puts Horace down but Kanyon goes to the floor to fight Raven. Horace busts out a suicide dive of all things to take Kanyon down as the Flock takes over. Raven comes in with a running clothesline and a knee lift to put Kanyon back outside.

A Russian legsweep sends Kanyon into the barricade for two back inside and it’s back to Horace. This has been rather physical so far. Horace gets two off a top rope splash and we hit the headlock on the mat. Kanyon comes back with the fireman’s carry pancake and it’s a hot tag to Saturn. Everything breaks down with Saturn taking Horace down with a hurricanrana. A chair is thrown in as Saturn sets up a table on the floor.

Kanyon catches Horace with an electric chair faceplant and heads outside to put Raven on the table. Saturn goes up top but Lodi throws powder in his eyes, meaning Saturn can’t see that Raven has put Kanyon on the table instead. The top rope elbow tries to put Saturn through the table but it’s more of Saturn bouncing off Kanyon with the table not breaking at all. Raven gets the easy pin on Kanyon back inside.

Rating: B-. This was a WILD five minute match. Again, Kanyon and Saturn steal the show whenever they’re out there which makes me curious to see how WCW manages to screw them up. Horace is someone else that is better than I remember and was more than adequate in the role of the agile power man here.

Steve McMichael vs. Rick Fuller

As mentioned almost every time, Fuller is a guy who could have been excellent as a bodyguard for some cowardly heel. Fuller chops away to start but Mongo takes out the leg to put Fuller down. A very early tombstone attempt is broken up with a knee to the face but Mongo keeps pounding away in the corner. Mongo runs into a boot in the corner and Fuller pounds away before a legdrop gets two. McMichael comes back with a kick to the face of his own and the tombstone ends Fuller.

The announcers tell us that Malenko has been suspended for his actions on Nitro and will NOT be at the PPV on Sunday. They also talk about Jericho insinuating that Dean’s brother Joe was the product of an affair. Heenan: “Well they don’t look alike.”

Jericho is here with a bandaged noggin and says he can’t wrestle Dean due to what happened on Monday. He wants a credible opponent but JJ doesn’t come out to give him one. Jericho says he’ll put on a top hat and tap shoes and read poetry if he can’t get an opponent named.

Cruiserweight Title: Chris Jericho vs. Ultimo Dragon

Jericho grabs a headlock to start but they speed things up by running the ropes. A back elbow puts Jericho down and he bails to the floor. Dragon drokicks him through the ropes and things slow down a bit. Back inside and Jericho kicks him in the ribs and snaps Dragon’s throat across the top rope. Dragon is down in the corner but Jericho does his long stride instead of following up. He bends Dragon’s back over his knee to work on the back a bit as things stay slow.

Dragon fights up and hits a spinning kick to the chest, only to be caught in a German suplex for two. Chris gets crotched on top but the super hurricanrana is broken up. Jericho’s superplex is countered into a front superplex by Dragon for two but Jericho puts him right back down with a backbreaker. Dragon hits a Lionsault to a standing Jericho into the Dragon Sleeper but Chris is quickly into the ropes. The Liontamer is countered into a small package and Dragon counters a powerbomb into a cradle, only to be caught in the Liontamer for the submission.

Rating: C+. Good match as usual here with Jericho looking great out there. Dragon was more than keeping up with him as well, but he wouldn’t be around much longer to do follow up. The cruiserweight division is awesome at the moment with Jericho being a much more skilled Honky Tonk Man as everyone wants to see him get what’s coming to him.

Here’s Kevin Greene with something to say and the place gets almost eerily quiet. As always he mentions Goldberg to try to get the fans to care but it doesn’t work as well this time. He talks about how great a football player he is before talking about Giant not being here tonight….and that’s about it.

Video on Rodman.

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Curt Hennig

Curt comes out in street clothes and seems to be taking as long as he can. He slowly takes off his shirt until a guy comes up with some papers for him. Apparently due to his title match on Sunday he’s under no obligation to have his match tonight, causing Page to roll his eyes. Vincent tries to jump Page but gets laid out with the Diamond Cutter. Hennig goes after Page but Goldberg’s music comes on to end the show (Goldberg didn’t appear).

Overall Rating: C+. This was an entertaining show that set up Bash at the Beach rather well. What more can you ask for out of a go home show, especially when the show it’s promoting isn’t very interesting? The midcard is awesome at this point but they need to actually get somewhere with the stories. Good show here though as the midcard bails out the non-main event again.

Here’s Bash at the Beach if you’re interested:

 

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Smackdown – November 29, 2013: Why Smackdown Should Take A Lesson From Impact

Smackdown
Date: November 29, 2013
Location: Mohegan Sun Hotel and Casino, Uncasville, Connecticut
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

The main story coming into tonight is Cena vs. Orton being confirmed for TLC, but I can’t imagine we’ll get much on that at Smackdown. Other than that the big questions are what did the Wyatts do with Daniel Bryan and why did Shield take out Punk on Raw. The show likely won’t answer any questions but we might get a food fight because that’s how wrestling works around a holiday. Let’s get to it.

Theme song.

Here’s Renee Young in the ring to introduce Randy Orton. We look back at the end of Survivor Series where the Authority helped Orton beat Big Show with the Punt. Orton says he begs to differ with Renee’s version of things. First off he was playing possum instead of being knocked out. He didn’t need the Authority to prove he could beat Big Show. All that did was taint his inevitable victory. That brings us to Monday where Cena showed up to challenge Orton to the title unification match at TLC. Renee asks Orton about why he didn’t accept the match himself but Orton walks away.

We go to the back for the Thanksgiving party. Everyone is having a good time so here’s Vickie to let us know that this is a leftover party. She has everything anyone could want, but this will NOT turn into a food fight. There will however be an eating contest between Titus and Khali but we have to wait on the winner.

Curtis Axel vs. Mark Henry

Ryback and Langston are here as seconds. Henry throws Axel around as you would expect to get us going. Ryback gets in a cheap shot on Langston and the distraction lets Axel get in some cheap shots on the knee to take over. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Henry gets to his feet and throws Axel around like a small ferret. The JYD headbutts put Axel on the floor between two large muscular men and Ryback’s interference doesn’t work at all. Henry throws Curtis back inside for the World’s Strongest Slam and the pin at 3:08.

Rating: D. Axel is a guy in desperate need of a repackaging. The talent is there, but he needs something completely different after how badly he’s been crushed. At least he doesn’t have the title anymore. It looks like we’re setting up for Langston vs. Ryback, which is going to hurt someone in the short term when neither guy can really afford that.

Truth and Xavier Woods (in a Power Rangers shirt) are in the back when a ticked off Brodus Clay shows up. He gave them permission to use the music and Funkadactyls, not steal them. Brodus tells the rookie to watch his attitude and slaps him in the face. Truth and Tensai break up the fight as Brodus seems to have turned heel.

Back to the eating contest when AJ and Tamina crash the party. Vickie threatens to turn this into a food fight with the two of them against everyone else. That goes nowhere and we pan over to Khali passing out and Titus winning the contest. The win earns him a match with Antonio Cesaro tonight. Khali is covered in mashed potatoes.

Plymouth Rockers vs. Los Matadores/El Torito

3MB coming out to the Rockers’ music isn’t something I ever expected to see. JBL is WAY too excited to see El Torito. Torito gets things going with Slater as JBL refers to this as an inter-species match. The other Band members try to jump Torito but the Matadores dropkick them to the floor.

Torito dives through the ropes to take them out as the crowd is silent. Fernando gets stomped down in the 3MB corner with Drew draping Fernando’s feet on the ropes and firing off forearms to the back. A hot tag brings in Torito with a top rope hurricanrana followed by a flying headscissors. Off to Diego and the double Angle Slam ends McIntyre at 2:57. Comedy match and not a funny one.

Video on the European shows.

Tons of Funk vs. Xavier Woods/R-Truth

Tensai and Truth get us going with both guys escaping various hold attempts. Truth finally gets slammed down but blocks a charge in the corner with a boot to the face. Off to Woods who pounds on Tensai and kicks him in the jaw to little effect. An enziguri sends Tensai into the corner and it’s off to Brodus for the headbutt to the chest. A middle rope splash crushes Woods for the pin at 2:18. I like the idea of this feud. Stealing music seems like an easy way to start a feud but I don’t remember it being used since…..the late 80s?

Punk is worried that he hasn’t heard from Bryan and that he has bad ribs thanks to Reigns. He thinks Shield is acting on orders from someone.

Bray Wyatt talks about seeing mannequins in his dreams. Everyone is intoxicated in their own vanity but we all see symmetry. Bray insists that no one knows people like he does and that Daniel Bryan will be safe with them.

Titus O’Neal vs. Antonio Cesaro

Titus has a stomach ache which likely means a bad ending to this one. He grabs a headlock on Cesaro but gets dropkicked down, sending Titus into the ropes to hold his stomach. Titus jumps over Cesaro in the corner and kicks him in the face, only to make himself hurt more from the bark. Cesaro knees him in the stomach and puts on the Swing but Young comes in for the DQ at 2:00.

Titus is sick in JBL’s hat (censored of course) for the payoff. Zeb makes fun of Titus so he gets sick on Colter as well. This went on WAY too long.

The Raw ReBound covers the main event.

Tag Titles: Cody Rhodes/Goldust vs. Shield

Reigns and Rollins are challenging and Ambrose is on commentary. We get some big match intros and we’re ready to go. Cody grabs a headlock to start on Rollins as Cole asks if the Authority had anything to do with Shield attacking Punk on Monday. Apparently Cole doesn’t have clearance to get that answer so Ambrose says it’s Shield’s personal business. Cody slams Rollins down and brings in Goldust for a middle rope ax handle to the arm. Back to Cody who gets two off the front suplex and it’s back to the arm.

Reigns comes in and you can feel the match change in a hurry. Goldust bows up to fight him but is easily knocked to the floor. Back in and Reigns scores with an uppercut but gets caught by a dropkick for no cover. Everything breaks down for a bit with the champions clearing the ring as we take a break. Back with Cody working on Seth’s arm but not being able to hit the Alabama Slam out of the corner. Instead Seth sunset flips him down for two and kicks Cody in the head for the same.

The announcers talk about brothers being tag team champions and Ambrose asks a question we need a definitive answer to: are Edge and Christian brothers or not? Reigns comes in for some pounding before it’s quickly back to Rollins who chokes on the ropes. Cody gets caught in a front facelock by Reigns before getting dropped by a back elbow. Rollins comes back in but misses a charge, sending him out to the floor.

The hot tag brings in Goldust who clotheslines Reigns down a few times and a cross body gets one. Reigns breaks up the top rope cross body and sends Goldust to the floor as we take another break. Back with Goldust in trouble and being knocked into the corner by Rollins. We hit the chinlock on Goldust but he grabs a small package for two. A DDT puts Rollins down but Reigns knocks Cody off the apron to break up the hot tag.

Reigns clotheslines Goldust down for two and puts on a headlock. Goldust is taken into the Shield corner but comes out with a double clothesline to put everyone down. Now the hot tag brings in Cody with a missile dropkick and a sunset flip gets two on Rollins. Seth counters the moonsault press and sends Cody face first into the buckle to put him down.

Everything breaks down again and Goldust is sent into the barricade. Cody comes off the top with a nice plancha to take out both Shield members. Back in and Rollins avoids the moonsault press but misses the top rope knee. Cross Rhodes puts Seth out but Ambrose breaks it up for the DQ at 16:03 shown of 23:03.

Rating: B-. Do I really need to explain that a Shield match is good at this point? Yeah they do a lot of the same stuff in a lot of their matches, but they’re some of the most entertaining matches we’ve gotten this year. Cody and Goldust have awesome chemistry with these guys also so this was your usual very good TV match.

Post match here’s Punk with a chair to take out Shield. Vickie pops up on screen and makes it a six man tag.

Shield vs. CM Punk/Cody Rhodes/Goldust

The match is joined in progress as we come back with Punk pounding away on Ambrose in the corner. An elbow to the head gets two for Punk and it’s back to Goldust for a clothesline. That’s enough of the golden one so here’s Cody to pound on Dean in the corner a bit more. A backdrop out of the corner puts Ambrose down and here’s Punk again with a top rope ax handle to the head.

Ambrose avoids a charge in the corner and it’s off to Rollins, who is immediately taken down in a modified Indian deathlock. Back to Goldust to stay on the leg and here’s Cody for more of the same. JBL goes on a rant against Cole for reporting about the locker room, which somehow leads to him accusing Shield of helping Stanley Kubrick stage the moon landing. The tag champions stay on Rollins until Punk comes in with a backbreaker for two. There’s the bridging Indian deathlock with the facelock before it’s off to Cody for a half crab.

Rollins avoids a charge in the corner and brings in Ambrose as we take another break. Back with Dean slamming Cody down but charging into a boot in the corner, allowing for a tag to Punk. CM fires off his usual strikes followed by the swinging neckbreaker. He loads up the GTS….and here are the Wyatts. Punk charges at them but runs into Dean’s elbow and a beating from Reigns ensues. Back to Dean but Punk DDTs him at the same time Rollins is caught in a neckbreaker for a cool double team. Punk goes over to Goldust but the Wyatts pull Goldust to the floor for the DQ at 5:50 shown of 9:20.

Rating: C. This was much less interesting than the previous match. There’s only so much you can do with this much time, especially when Punk didn’t get to extract much revenge here. It wasn’t bad or anything but two tag matches in a row like this with mostly the same cast is a bit of a stretch.

Post match the brawl continues until the Usos and Mysterio head out for the save. Vickie comes out to make it a twelve man tag. Good grief.

Shield/Wyatt Family vs. Usos/Rey Mysterio/CM Punk/Goldust/Cody Rhodes

Back with Ambrose bringing in Harper to work over Jey Uso. Harper runs him over a few times but gets rolled up for two, meaning it’s time for Rollins to come in and stomp away. Seth stomps away in the corner and it’s off to bray for his hard hitting offense. Back to Harper for the Gator Roll into a front facelock but Jimmy gets in a cheap shot from the apron.

Rey comes in off the 495th hot tag of the matches but can’t knock the big man down. Instead it’s a big boot to Rey’s face for two and another tag to Wyatt. Bray hits a running splash in the corner and brings in Rowan for a swinging bearhug. A side slam gets two on Mysterio and it’s back to Ambrose for a front facelock. Rey gets sent into the corner and here’s Rollins, only to accidentally send Ambrose to the floor.

Mysterio gets in a kick to Seth’s head and it’s yet ANOTHER hot tag to Punk. He cleans house again and hits the suicide dive to Rowan on the floor. Back in and Punk hits three straight high knees to Erick in the corner. A neckbreaker sets up the Macho Elbow and everything breaks down. The Usos superkick two monsters and hit their dives on Harper and Rollins. Bray breaks up the GTS attempt on Rollins but Rey breaks up Sister Abigail. The 619 knocks Rowan into the GTS for the pin at 8:47.

Rating: D. Is it over yet? I’m almost afraid to say anything else about the match because it’ll probably turn into a 32 man tag match next. This went WAY too long and almost nothing had any interest to it by the end. We’ve seen these guys fighting so many times over the last few months and the last two parts of this dragged really badly. It wasn’t that it was a bad match but I was sick of watching these guys by the end.

Overall Rating: D. This didn’t work for me. The three tag matches are almost literally half of the show and the rest of the show is a bunch of thrown together nothing. For once, Impact had this show beaten. Last night’s Impact was another throw away show because of the holiday, but it actually had some storyline development. We got NOTHING here other than a tag match that went on twice as long as it should have. It wasn’t so much that the show was bad but it just didn’t matter at all, meaning there was no reason to sit through it.

Results

Mark Henry b. Curtis Axel – World’s Strongest Slam

Los Matadores/El Torito b. Plymouth Rockers – Double Angle Slam to McIntyre

Tons of Funk b. Xavier Woods/R-Truth – Middle rope splash to Woods

Antonio Cesaro b. Titus O’Neal via DQ when Darren Young interfered

Cody Rhodes/Goldust b. Shield via DQ when Dean Ambrose interfered

Cody Rhodes/Goldust/CM Punk b. Shield via DQ when the Wyatt Family interfered

Cody Rhodes/Goldust/CM Punk/Rey Mysterio b. Shield/Wyatt Family – GTS to Rowan

 

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