Monday Night Raw
Date: August 12, 2013
Location: Sleeptrain Arena, Sacramento, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

It’s the final show before Summerslam and things are finally in focus. The main story tonight is Punk getting a one on one shot with Heyman. As Punk said at Chicago Comic Con over the weekend, he’d be stupid to think Axel or Lesnar won’t get involved. Other than that we have a little bit of storytelling to go before we get to Sunday so let’s get to it.

No intro this week in a change of pace.

Daniel Bryan vs. Wade Barrett

Brad Maddox is guest referee for no apparent reason. A quick dropkick puts Barrett down and Daniel goes after the leg. Bryan hooks a quick dragon screw leg whip before cannonballing down ion the legs a few times. Barrett is sent to the floor with a baseball slide but Bryan misses the running knee off the apron and gets caught with a big boot to the face. Back in and Bryan is knocked to the floor with ease and sent into the steps.

Back in the sequel sees Barrett have a chinlock quickly broken. Bryan speeds things up and hits the running clothesline before knocking Barrett to the floor again. There’s the FLYING GOAT followed by a missile dropkick. The hard kicks to the chest have Wade in trouble but he ducks a big one and rolls Bryan up for a fast count at 5:24.

Rating: C-. So we built up Bryan for MONTHS, only to have him lose via a fast count to WADE BARRETT six days before Summerslam? This seems like more WWE overbooking which continues to drive me crazy. We flat out do not need this addition to the Cena vs. Bryan match but I’m sure it’ll wind up being focused on the McMahons because that’s what matters at the end of the day.

Randy Orton vs. Damien Sandow

Sandow ties his case to the post so Cody, on commentary here, can’t steal it. Damien grabs a quick headlock to start but gets dropped by an elbow to the jaw. Orton pounds down right hands in the corner and gets two off a snap suplex. A clothesline gets the same and we hit the chinlock. Nothing to see so far here. Damien comes back with a belly to back suplex but gets dropkicked off the apron as we take a break.

Back with Sandow escaping a superplex but charging into a boot in the corner. Orton goes back up top and positions himself so Sandow can shoves him out to the floor. Back in and we hit the chinlock followed by a knee to Orton’s ribs for two. There’s the Wind-Up Elbow for two more and we’re back in the chinlock.

Orton finally suplexes out of it and hits his clotheslines but Sandow avoids the powerslam and hits a running flip neckbreaker for a near fall. Orton sends him to the apron and hits the Elevated DDT but Sandow bails from the RKO. Damien sends him into the post for two and Cody goes after the briefcase, allowing for the RKO to connect for the pin at 13:45.

Rating: D+. STOP PUTTING THEM AGAINST EACH OTHER! My goodness this gets annoying to sit through as we have to wait for nearly 14 minutes until Sandow loses like he always does. Then a few months from now we’re supposed to buy him as a world champion because that’s what MITB does. The match wasn’t bad but it was just a waiting game until Sandow lost and there was never any doubt as to that being the finish. That’s why I can’t stand watching Damien matches: we’re just waiting for him to lose and there’s no point in watching anything else in the match.

There’s a battle royal for a US Title shot on Sunday.

Shield says they’re awesome and Ambrose will beat the winner of the battle royal on Sunday. He says he’s the best in the world and Cena just has a trophy. PLEASE let that be foreshadowing.

Video on Brock vs. Punk, the same one from Smackdown.

Punk says no one is afraid of Paul Heyman but Heyman is doing this for a reason. Paul hasn’t lost his mind or grown a set because it’s all a big chess game. The best is the best.

Natalya/Great Khali vs. Big E. Langston/AJ Lee

In an inset interview, Langston says no one has Dolph’s back now other than Kaitlyn and that’s not enough. The guys start but AJ wants to fight Khali. She slaps the big man but Natalya comes in to take over. Natalya drives AJ into the corner but gets rammed face first into the buckle to stop her cold. AJ hooks a cravate to no effect but a dropkick gets two. She shouts at Hornswoggle a lot but gets caught in the Sharpshooter as a result. Natalya starts letting go and AJ taps….but the referee doesn’t ring the bell. Natalya puts it on again and AJ taps at 3:45.

Rating: D. So horribly botched ending aside, this wasn’t much to see at all. The Khali/Horny/Natalya joke is done and wasn’t funny in the first place. I don’t get the point in having AJ tap here other than to set up a feud with Natalya for the title, even though her feud with Kaitlyn isn’t done yet.

Post match Langston goes after Horny but gets chopped down by Khali.

Here’s Vince McMahon to talk about what happened with Bryan vs. Barrett. He calls out Brad and asks him why he appointed himself guest referee. Brad says Bryan’s matches tend to get out of hands, so the fans would appreciate a referee capable of keeping things calm. The fast count wasn’t intentional and Maddox wants to be guest referee for Cena vs. Bryan at Summerslam. Vince asks if Brad would call it right down the line and Brad says of course he was. McMahon brings up all of insulting names you could call Bryan but Brad swears he won’t do it. Brad crosses his heart that he won’t cheat but here’s HHH to interrupt.

HHH thinks there should be a guest referee on Sunday to keep things calm and sane. However, it shouldn’t be Brad Maddox. The guest referee should of course be HHH himself. There’s a Pedigree to Maddox and Vince leaves before he has to get one himself. What this adds to the main event on Sunday isn’t clear but I’m sure Vince and HHH can explain it to us.

Video on Kane vs. Bray Wyatt so far.

Kane vs. Titus O’Neil

Kane slugs him down to start and takes Titus into the corner for more punishment. A side slam puts O’Neil down and the chokeslam is good for the pin at 1:51. Total squash.

Post match here are the Wyatts but when the lights come back on, Kane is on the stage. He lights the corners up and Bray drops to his knees and smiles.

The Bellas look at a clip of Eva Marie (from Total Divas) making fun of Natalya. They talk about how awesome they are when Natalya comes up. She challenges Brie to a match at Summerslam and here’s Eva Marie to respond to an insult. The Funkadactyls come in and we have a six Diva tag on Sunday. Joy.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Kofi Kingston

Kofi takes over to start and pounds down right hands in the corner for two. He loads up the spinning cross body out of the corner but Del Rio knocks him into the Tree of Woe. The reverse superplex is good for two for Alberto and it’s off to a hard chinlock. Kofi comes back with a horrible looking dropkick and the Boom Drop but Trouble in Paradise misses.

Del Rio gets two off a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker but gets caught in the SOS for two more. Another spin kick misses and Del Rio rolls to the floor, only to be cradled for two back inside. In an AWESOME counter, Del Rio catches the springboard cross body in a gutbuster. The cross armbreaker is good for the submission from Kofi at 6:10.

Rating: C+. This took awhile to get going but it picked WAY up at the end. Del Rio badly needed this win but at the same time his stock is way down after the losses last week. At least he beat Kofi, who is now 1-2 after his return from a few weeks ago. I’m sure he’ll be IC Champion in a few weeks.

Christian looks at a video of his career and says he’ll win on Sunday.

Colter and the Real Americans say they want to see California split off from America to make the country a better place.

Real Americans vs. Usos

Jey starts with Cesaro and the Usos look like they have taped up feet. Off to Swagger for a high/low for two on Jey before driving him into the corner. The Vader Bomb crushes Jey and Cesaro jumps over Jack’s shoulders for a double stomp, getting two. Jey comes back with some uppercuts but Swagger gets the tag before a sunset flip can cover Cesaro. Jack takes him down with a double chicken wing and it’s back to Cesaro.

There’s the standing chinlock but Jey takes him into the corner to break it up. Double tag brings in Jimmy to face Swagger as everything breaks down. The Usos hit stereo over the top rope dives to take the Real Americans out but Cesaro tries to break up the Superfly. The distraction is broken up and Jey makes a blind tag so he can roll up Swagger for the pin at 4:55.

Rating: C. Nice match here with the Usos continuing to look awesome. I’m still not sure why the Usos never got a title shot as they would be good transitional champions before dropping them to some strong team, ala Strike Force back in 1988. The match was entertaining though and that’s all it needed to be.

It’s time for MizTV with Cena and Bryan. Miz brings both guys down and Cena gets right to the point: he’s the WWE Champion and Bryan wants to be. Cena respects him and Bryan is going to put up a heck of a fight on Sunday. Miz tries to stir the pot by saying Cena is implying Bryan loses Sunday, but Bryan will have none of it. He goes after Cena for saying Bryan is going to lose and points out the fans booing Cena a lot of the time. Bryan talks about Cena being more style than substance and not being in this business for the wrestling.

Bryan says his shirt is a parody of Cena’s because Cena is a parody of wrestling. He doesn’t want to be a parody though but rather to be WWE Champion because it means he’s the best in the world. Cena takes off his shirt and is ready to go but stops himself. Cena says he’s out here for the same reason Bryan is out here: because they believe in Daniel Bryan. Bryan wants to be out here and prove that he believes in the fans as much as they believe in him.

That’s what WWE is about: picking your favorite wrestler and cheering them all the way to the end. Saying these are just shirts is like saying the American flag is just a cloth; it’s about what it means. Cena is loyal to the fans no matter what and he is not a parody. People have come here before and said Cena needs to go and Five Moves of Doom and all that jazz. Bryan may not be smart but he’s not deaf. Cena has shown up every day for the last twelve years and he’s out here every night for the fans and for the Make-A-Wish kids who say Never Give Up because Cena wears it on a t-shirt.

He’s proud of what he’s become: a man who has wrestled around the world for twelve years and has fought the biggest names in wrestling while holding the WWE Championship. So please think of him as a joke on Sunday because he’s beaten everyone who has thought of him like that: everyone from HHH to HBK to Orton to CM Punk to Rock. Bryan says he talks about those guys like they’re better than he is. Cena says Bryan is on his way but doesn’t belong there yet. If Bryan wants respect, earn it on Sunday. Bryan says that sums it up: Cena doesn’t respect him and isn’t treating him like a serious threat.

This is just another big title match for Cena but this is the biggest match of Bryan’s life. Bryan talks about a custom he learned in Japan: to fire someone up for a match they slap the other competitor in the face. He wishes he could do that to Cena but he can’t because Cena isn’t a wrestler and doesn’t deserve it. Cena says go ahead and slap him but slaps Bryan first. He says to slap him….but here’s HHH to kill the segment dead. Before he says anything, here’s Orton as well to hold up the case to end it. Great segment, stupid overbooking.

It’s time for a dance off between R-Truth and Fandango. Both guys dance and Fandango jumps Truth, only to be knocked to the floor where he pronounces his name. No match.

Heyman is getting ready but is having second thoughts about having the match.

Battle Royal

Rob Van Dam, Brodus Clay, Tensai, Heath Slater, Drew McIntyre, Jinder Mahal, Ryback, Titus O’Neil, Jey Uso, Darren Young, Jimmy Uso, Antonio Cesaro, Justin Gabriel, Kofi Kingston, Great Khali, Jack Swagger, R-Truth, Wade Barrett, Mark Henry, Fandango

The winner gets a shot at Dean Ambrose and the US Title on Sunday’s preshow. I can’t tell who all is in there but Ryback throws out Gabriel and Young before running over Tensai for an elimination. Jimmy Uso is tossed by the Band as things slow down a lot. The fans chant for Sexual Chocolate as we have a lot of standing around doing nothing. Kofi nearly puts Mahal out as the match is dragging a lot. There’s almost nothing talk about in battle royals given how little happens most of the time.

R-Truth puts on Fandango but he comes back in and dumps R-Truth. Van Dam throws Fandango out and the ring is still way too full as we take a break. Back with far fewer people in the ring. The Real Americans put out Jey Uso before working on Mark Henry. We still have Kofi, Barrett, Ryback, Titus, RVD, the Real Americans and Henry. Van Dam clotheslines Titus out and we’re down to seven. Kofi is sent to the apron by Swagger but uses Cesaro to pull himself back in with a cool spot. Think of it as skinning the Cesaro. Not that it matters as Jack puts him out immediately thereafter.

RVD runs over the Real Americans with kick after kick but Ryback hits the Meat Hook to knock Rob out cold. The Real Americans pick up Henry but he shoves them away and knocks both guys out to get us to four. Henry picks up the pace and throws Barrett out. Rob is down but not out in the corner so the bulls go at it. Henry gets Ryback onto the apron where a kick from Ryback and a charge from Henry puts him out. Down to two and the fans go NUTS. Rob is crushed into the corner but comes back with a grea tkick. He goes up top but gets crotched to the apron, only to low bridge Henry out to win at 13:27.

Rating: C. This was more entertaining than mots battle royals but it still wasn’t all that great. Van Dam and Henry were the only real options in there so it was nice that the two of them were the last guys out there. Putting Ambrose over Van Dam on Sunday is a good rub for the champion, which is what Rob should be around for anymore. Nice stuff here in the real main event.

Post match Henry respects Van Dam….but here comes Shield. They surround the ring as Henry gets back in. Cue the returning Big Show to make the save. The camera cuts away from Rollins who clearly mouths “Oh Sh…..”. Shield bails, presumably setting up a tag match with the big guys vs. Show/Henry on Sunday.

Here’s Heyman for his fight with Punk. Heyman is in a shirt, vest and gloves. He’s in pants too if that wasn’t clear. Heyman says Punk’s fans are calling for their hero. He doesn’t blame Punk for what happened but rather all of the fans. Punk used to live for Heyman’s blessing but now he lives for the fans. Heyman admits this is a trap but he had a co-conspirator. He brings out Brock and shows him a video package of Lesnar’s history with Punk.

Here’s Heyman’s trap: he’ll fight Punk right here and now but it’s 2-1 instead of one on one. All Punk has to do is play the hero, which is the stupidest thing he could do. Punk has an option: either play the hero tonight or disappoint everyone in the arena here tonight. Cue Punk but instead he comes from behind and blasts Lesnar in the face with a TV camera. A HARD shot to the back has Lesnar in trouble and Heyman is panicking.

Punk hits a suicide dive to put Lesnar down before grabbing a chair. Punk appears to be limping a bit. A series of chair shots puts Lesnar down and it’s just Punk vs. Paul now. Heyman: “OH MY GOD!” Punk chases Lesnar to the back but has to stop an invading Curtis Axel. Punk rams him into the video screen and hits the GTS on the stage before staring down at Lesnar to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This was a back and forth show all night. The earlier stuff really bored me but later on things picked WAY up as we started focusing on Sunday. HHH being added to the main event does NOTHING for me but it’s all about Vince vs. HHH at the end of the day so what are you supposed to expect? If you cut an hour or so off this show, it’s WAY better but that’s how WWE works today. Good stuff here, but I could easily see if different people see it completely differently.

Results

Wade Barrett b. Daniel Bryan – Rollup

Randy Orton b. Damien Sandow – RKO

Great Khali/Natalya b. AJ Lee/Big E. Langston – Sharpshooter to AJ

Kane b. Titus O’Neil – Chokeslam

Usos b. Real Americans – Rollup to Swagger

Rob Van Dam won a battle royal last eliminating Mark Henry

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 2001 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $4 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling book as low as $4 at:

Youtube it.  It’s worth your time.

Note that this is VERY old and the quality isn’t what it would be today.  It should be good for a laugh if nothing else.

 

Fully Loaded 2000
Date: July 23, 2000
Location: Reunion Arena, Dallas, Texas
Attendance: 16,504
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

This one is by X’s request so there’s your justification. The company is more or less just waiting for WCW to go under at this point as it’s not even close or funny anymore. Vince, being the nice guy that he is, cranked up the heat just to be himself. Austin is still out here, but he’s getting closer to a return. The good thing about that is you get the following matches: Angle vs. Taker, HHH vs. Jericho and Benoit vs. Rock.

Taker has just returned as the American Bad Ass and is still figuring out the character. Other than that this is really a transitional show as a lot of the Attitude Era guys are being slowly phased out while the new guys are slowly coming in. I vaguely remember this show so this is going to be a lot more of a fresh viewing than a lot of other shows. Let’s do it.

The theme of the intro is that everyone is gambling here and with a single roll of the dice everything can change. The dice are fully loaded though. So in other words, no matter how well you throw the dice or perform, the house has the advantage and you can’t win? That’s a great thing to point out.

Trish Stratus/Test/Albert vs. Hardys/Lita

Trish is a total rookie here and is just there because of her looks. This is something that they need to do with the Divas more often: put them as a manager for a long time before getting them into the ring on their own. That’s the thing: anymore, no Diva is given any kind of chance to get going or get any experience and all of a sudden they’re thrown into the spotlight and they fail.

Here, Trish can get some ring time but not enough to expose her weaknesses. That’s very smart and is a big reason why she’s one of the best ever. That being said, Trish looks incredible as she’s more or less wearing a pink swimsuit. Her abs could rival Orton’s. Lita has injured ribs here because we can’t have Lita vs. Trish in a straight match yet.

I’ve always liked Test and Albert for some reason. See what’s going on here though? We have two tag teams that have been having a moderate feud lately but the titles aren’t involved. See what having a tag division can do for you? You can have matches that don’t have to be for the belts and it can give you a decent match.

Also remember there’s no brand split yet so Raw and Smackdown had the same stories going on. Jeff gets a NICE pop as he comes in. Jeff is ridiculously fast out there. The Hardys, The Dudleys and Edge and Christian were the perfect answer to the cruiserweights in WCW. Their matches were completely insane and had very little story to them but they didn’t need one.

They were so awesome that we could overlook that and it worked every time. Now why couldn’t the cruiserweights get over like that too? Trish and her amazing ass are in for a bit but runs for her life from Lita. There we go again: Trish getting heel heat and a small amount of experience while not actually doing anything. That’s very smart.

In a cool spot, the faces hit a double suplex on Trish and Test then all three take their tops off. That’s nice indeed. I never used to be able to tell the Hardys apart. I finally got it right though: one is an overrated hack that keeps missing ring time and botches half the moves he attempts and the other is named Jeff.

Trish put Lita through a table on Raw which apparently nearly ended her career. So in six days she got injured, had time to find a doctor that decided that her career was in jeopardy, heal enough to be able to get back in shape for this match, and get doctor’s clearance to not only travel but be in the ring for this match as her career apparently isn’t in jeopardy anymore? Don’t you just love wrestling and the stupid lines of commentary that come with it?

Jeff gets destroyed for a good while until Test misses an awesome looking elbow and takes a SWEET looking mule kick to the chin so Matt can get tagged. After a big mess of a brawl, Lita gets in and hits a NICE tornado DDT from the top on Test. She follows that up with a huge dive to the floor onto Albert and then another NICE hurricanrana onto Test.

She was so ridiculously awesome around this time that it’s insane. After some cheating though, Test hits that diving powerbomb that I always marked out for on Lita to stop her cold. I think I liked Lita getting in there against the men more than I did Chyna. Chyna was trying to wrestle like a man and it got boring to me.

Lita got in there and wrestled a lucha style which is far more exciting than Chyna being able to do a handful of solid moves and a bunch of botched moves and be a witch about everything and then bragging about how awesome she was. Trish comes in to the biggest pop of the match. See what huge implants can do for you?

Lita kicks out of the powerbomb from Test though which is awesome. Trish bends over in from of the Hardys and you can easily see them checking her out. I love that. The men run in and the Hardys win that and they hit the floor where Jeff “chokes” Albert with his foot. When I say chokes I mean puts his foot about an inch away from Albert’s head so it’s not anywhere near his throat.

Lita hits the moonsault for the pin. Post match, Albert shows that the choking really didn’t work as he nails Lita (lucky bastard. I guess half the locker room fits that description though) and the heels dominate and Trish whips Lita with a belt.

Rating: B. This was a great opener as it got the crowd into the show and didn’t really do anything of important note. In other words, it was the best possible choice for an opening match. The faces should have won here and did. Trish and Lita would obviously become the biggest women’s rivalry of all time and they would have a bunch of great matches. Here though it was about looks which is fine with me as both of them had some great ones.

Edge comes up to Foley in the back and says that Christian has food poisoning. Foley doesn’t buy it.

Taker is here and chases Angle around the building on the bike. This is cooler than it sounds.

Tazz vs. Al Snow

So Tazz is a heel now for no apparent reason which is pointless as he’s still getting solid face pops. He was supposed to be getting the Benoit push, meaning he was supposed to get the title match tonight I suppose, but due to Hardcore Holly’s freaking idiocy, Tazz got hurt. Since then he’s been going around beating on random faces to prove his toughness. I guess he wanted to prove he was Tough Enough. Snow got choked out on Raw to set this up so there you are.

They say it’s a bicep injury here but I’m not sure on that one. Snow has always thrown a decent superkick. The crowd couldn’t care less about this match. That might be because there’s no point to it at all. Snow hits a moonsault that gets two as the boring chant starts up. It’s not a good sign when a moonsault gets a boring chant.

Snow grabs Head which goes nowhere as Tazz takes over again. Ross plugs the triple main event since there’s nothing going on in the ring. Tazz finally gets the Tazmission for the quick submission to complete this filler match.

Rating: D. What was the point here? It’s five minutes long and could have easily been done on Smackdown to add on to another match later on. This was stupid and not any good either so yeah. MMA fans might like this more than wrestling fans actually as both guys were using some decent judo stuff.

Christian is still sick.

We go to HHH and Stephanie where she keeps getting flowers and HHH doesn’t know who is sending them. The card says it’s true it’s true. Stephanie denies knowing anything.

European Title: Perry Saturn vs. Eddie Guerrero

Chyna is with Eddie here and looks amazing. Eddie gets a great pop here being the home state guy. Chyna is mad at Eddie for Eddie jumping in the way of Saturn to protect her. Hot but witchy. You can’t win them all. Terri who is with Saturn is terrified of Chyna. She should be as Chyna half killed her when she was Marlena.

Chyna nails Saturn and goes after Terri and we have a four way fight. 45 seconds into the match we get the graphic saying it’s for the European Title. Thanks for that one. Chyna keeps beating up Saturn for some reason. Eddie is wearing a shirt this whole time too which is just odd. Eddie hits a GREAT hurricanrana for two.

Saturn really was solid in the ring. It’s a shame he was completely nuts. Saturn is bleeding slightly from the top of his head. It’s a bit annoying having the graphics for the triple header flashing on the screen the whole time. This is a very fun match that’s reminiscent of a cruiserweight match. No matter what you try to build up or whatever, good wrestling is going to win in the end, always.

After some great high flying stuff, Saturn is knocked to the floor where Chyna beats on him some more. He actually punches her and clotheslines her through a table. Yeah that looked weirder than it sounded. With her down, Terri comes back and hits a low blow to allow Saturn to hit a top rope elbow for the pin and the title.

Rating: B+. I know that’s a high grade but this was a very fun match. They more or less just went out there and did what they wanted and it came out great. These two could work as well as anyone could and the matches showed that. It does make me wonder though: why did Eddie have to keep being in those horrible angles instead of in a big story like he was capable of being? Maybe not the world title, but at least something of note. Either way, this was very fun and I liked it a lot.

Edge and Christian are in the back and say they faked food poisoning. Foley comes in and they say they can’t defend the titles because Christian is sick. This works for about three seconds and involves a bucket. You figure the rest out. They get the APA tonight.

We go to Taker and Cole. Taker says Angle is going to need a doctor to remove his foot from Angle’s ass. We see a monitor next to them where Angle is on Taker’s motorcycle. Taker chases him off and we go back to the arena.

Tag Titles: Edge and Christian vs. APA

I miss Edge and Christian’s old entrance where the camera flies all over the place and looks for them and they’re in the entry way like normal wrestlers. Edge insults Dallas sports teams which makes me hate them quite a bit. They insult the Kennedy assassination before setting up for flash photography but the APA and their awesome music cuts them off. Bradshaw threatens to put his boot in their ears. Ok then.

He actually uses the term cheap heat. That came out of nowhere. He defends Texas by saying how many titles they’ve won. That just makes him sound like a geek. I didn’t know FTS was more commonly known as Bradshaw. Farroq gets a great step shot in on Christian right off the bat.

This starts off as little more than a squash as Bradshaw just freaking murders Christian. Edge and Christian finally get some offense in as they get the advantage on Bradshaw. I like how they use such generic offense to stay in a match for as long as they can until they can hit a much bigger move. That’s a nice little way to do something. It lasts for all of a minute though as the APA dominates again.

We hear for about the 12th time that Bradshaw is from Texas. Seriously, WHAT IS SO GREAT ABOUT TEXAS??? With the Acolytes hitting their finishers, Edge goes to the floor and grabs a belt. He gets the referee’s attention and nails Farrooq with it for the DQ. I kind of like that as it plays them holding the belts even longer. The same time though, it makes them look ridiculously weak and since they were known to keep stealing wins like that, it’s rather stupid also.

Either way it was ok I guess. Post match the champions are beaten down even more which for some reason means we should talk about the Rock? That makes no sense but at least they saved it for after the match ended, unlike WCW who likely wouldn’t have acknowledged the match going on at all.

Rating: C. It was really short and pointless but it was never dull. That’s the best thing here: they kept moving the entire time. That’s always a plus as it kept things interesting and made you want to keep watching. I really don’t like the whole cheating to keep the belts thing as it makes them look quite weak, but that’s fine I guess as it fits them to the letter. However at just over five minutes they didn’t have enough time to get anything going so it’s about as average as you can get overall.

Big Bossman is at WWF New York and asks a fan for his ID.

HHH is ticked off about Angle and the flowers. Stephanie gets tired of HHH freaking and says go get Kurt.

Angle is running from Taker and hits him in the knee with a wrench. Notice that he’s limping BEFORE he gets him but later in the match, he doesn’t limp. That’s Taker’s biggest flaw: his selling was screwed up beyond any and all belief at times.

IC Title: Rikishi vs. Val Venis

We’re in a cage here. Fink makes sure to point that out despite the BIG FREAKING CAGE around the ring. Apparently Tazz cost Rikishi the title a few weeks ago for reasons unexplained. Also Venis beat up Scotty, which apparently justifies this being in a cage.

Trish is Val’s manager here and is dressed in her more traditional attire here, meaning she still looks great. Apparently Rikishi gave Trish a stink face to start this. Lawler says can you imagine someone putting their big ass in her face? There’s a bit of wishful sounding in his voice there. Lawler isn’t sure if this is no holds barred. Seriously? He follows this up by asking what happened to that long hair Val had? Ross: “well King I would assume he got it cut.” I love Ross at times. They’re rare but they exist.

Rikishi, ever the Rhodes Scholar, tries to climb over the top instead of going through the door like anyone with a freaking mind. Why do faces have to have so much stupid pride like that? Val takes over with some bad shots to the cage. To be fair though he’s having to deal with something that has its own gravitational force.

He hits a low blow to block a stink face and then hits a weird looking move that I think was supposed to be a bulldog but turned into more or less a forearm to the back of the head. I think it was a semi botch by one of them but I’m not sure. Rikishi of course does his inside out bump.

Val, also an idiot, goes up the cage as well instead of through the door. My goodness how hard is it to just walk through the freaking thing? They fight on the top rope which Val wins, but with Rikishi down in the position for Val’s finisher, does he go for it? Of course not. Why should he when he can walk the ropes and hit an elbow instead? Val almost gets out but is caught by the ass that blocked out the sun.

They mess up badly though as Rikishi’s head is hurt by ramming it into the cage. He’s a Samoan so therefore his head can’t be hurt. Come on now people don’t you know your stereotypes yet? Val is bleeding and thankfully we don’t go to black and white to hide that. A Banzai Drop gets two as Val gets his foot on the ropes. Great, so in a match with no rules and where anything goes, the ropes are still allowed to break things up. That makes sense.

Thanks to Trish again ignoring all racial stereotypes and slamming the door on Rikishi’s head, the Money Shot gets two. Lita bounces down to the ring and whips Trish with the belt and rips her top off. The beating goes to the back as somehow this is less pointless than modern wrestling. We then get the spot of the night as Rikishi goes up top, and I mean to the top of the cage and dives off, completely crushing Val.

Do Samoans have a fetish for jumping off cages or something? This looked completely amazing and on the replay they mess up worse than I’ve ever seen as the camera totally misses Rikishi. I mean you see no wrestlers and only cage the whole shot. It’s rather funny actually. Since the referee is down from an earlier bump though, there’s no one to count. As Rikishi goes for the door, Tazz comes down and nails him with a camera so Val can pin him.

What the heck man? What’s the point in a huge bump like that unless you change the title with it? That’s just stupid. Oh yeah it’s a Rikishi match so it’s not supposed to make sense. How this guy would become top heel in about 3 months baffles me to no end.

Rating: B-. The match was fine, but seriously, what was the point of the huge spot if Val keeps the title? I know that’s what happened in MSG back in the 80s, but that was legendary whereas this was more or less forgotten a few weeks later. I don’t get it at all. The match was your run of the mill cage match otherwise though as I still hate pins in one of these. It’s not that hard to find a way for one of the guys to get out is it? That bump was INSANE though.

Oh apparently Taker had been attacked earlier on. Ross say that his knee is the size of a basketball. I give up. Taker is looking for Angle again. Apparently he’s walking off the injury.

HHH finds the guy delivering the flowers and takes him to the locker room of the guy sending them. It’s Jericho, who jumps HHH in the locker room and beats him up. That’s very creative actually. The stealing of a catchphrase never is used and it works really well when you think about it.

Shane comes out and looks like he wants to fight. He’s Benoit’s manager at the time by the way. The crowd is all over him and he actually says the word pussy. He calls out Rock who answers and cuts some funny stuff. We get Benoit on the monitor and he breaks all of Rock’s glasses and rips up his clothes.

We recap Angle and Taker where Angle cost Taker and Kane the tag titles by helping Edge and Christian. Angle then kept messing up with stupid lines and etc., including hitting Angle in the head with a sledgehammer. He even covered Taker’s bike with milk. Boy what is wrong with you?

Kurt Angle vs. Undertaker

Angle is still the good American boy here while Taker has just debuted as the bad ass, so the ending here is pretty academic. He’s still got the wrench from earlier. Angle pulls an Eric Young and is afraid of the pyro. Taker comes out before his music plays and jumps Angle and we’re in the crowd. Sadly enough Taker isn’t selling the knee in the slightest. I always liked Taker like this as he’s just freaking awesome with the beatings and the look he has going on.

We’re in the ring now as the bell goes off. Taker pulls him up from a pin which I like here. He pulls up again and drops a clear F bomb to the referee that Ross apologizes for. Angle FINALLY gets some offense in after about three minutes or so with another wrench shot to the knee. Maybe that’ll wake up Taker so he’ll sell the stupid thing for a change.

We go to knee work for a good while now which makes sense for a bunch of reasons that I think are self explanatory. With Angle having a leg lock on Taker, Lawler makes my all time favorite dumb line: “When Taker is on the mat he’s the same height as Angle.”

Just to make this perfectly clear once and for all, NO HE ISN’T. I mean dang man how hard is it to understand this? They’re still the same freaking height. I’m laying in my bed at the moment and I’m about 5’11-6’0. When I stand up, I’ll still be 5’11-6’0. When I lay down again later, I’ll still be 5’11-6’0. The height advantage that Taker has will still be present when they’re on the ground because his legs will still be longer to reach. I’ve never hated a line more than that one because it’s so stupid.

From nowhere, Taker hits a chokeslam as the crowd is WAY into this. An awesome Last Ride ends this…after seven and a half minutes. Yeah, that’s how long this lasted for. What was the freaking point of that? They couldn’t take five minutes out of the show somewhere else to give to these guys? This felt like a TV match.

Rating: D+. The time here just killed this. Angle was in WAY over his head here and it was played out really well I though. The time thing took everything out of this though as it needed another 3-4 minutes to make it good. The crowd was into it the whole way though which gives it some solid bonus points though. One thing though: Taker, LEARN TO SELL A FREAKING KNEE INJURY. I mean he wasn’t even LIMPING when we started and wasn’t any more when the match ended.

I hate that as it makes things just seem stupid, and especially when this is supposed to be human Taker instead of unhurtable Taker remember? That’s just freaking stupid. Also seriously, Angle would become world champion in about 3 months and he just got his ass handed to him. What’s the point of that? Couldn’t they have pulled Snow vs. Tazz and used this instead?

We recap HHH vs. Jericho. At KOTR, Jericho had kissed Stephanie for no apparent reason. In an amusing bit, we get three separate instances of HHH telling Commissioner Foley that he wants Jericho’s ass. Well ok then. Anyway, Jericho then cost HHH the #1 contendership so HHH isn’t happy at all. He and DX (they’re still around???) beat him up with the hammer, and apparently that’s validation for the 2nd ever last man standing match.

We see Rock going to his locker room to see all his stuff ripped up. Why does he have about eight outfits for one show in Dallas?

HHH vs. Chris Jericho

If you’ve already forgotten the stipulation here, lay off the drugs and fast. They start off immediately and the crowd is still as hot as they were to start the show. See what a great opener and a great crowd can do for you? HHH picks up a piece of the table destroyed earlier and beats on Jericho with it as we’re on the floor 40 seconds into the match. Well at least they’re not wasting time getting to the violent part. Stephanie looks completely delicious here.

This is just a glorified brawl at the moment which is fine. That’s what a match like this is supposed to be like so it’s perfectly fine. HHH pulls the bandages off of Jericho’s ribs and works on the ribs. Why would you wear tape to the ring? It’s a bullseye there. If they weren’t taped, the opponent might work on the knee otherwise or something like that. Ross just sounds like he has latent homosexual feelings towards HHH.

I mean seriously, he’s always going off about him and I just keep thinking he’d love nothing more than to humble him and then get humbled by him. Stephanie beats on Jericho a bit as this is all HHH otherwise. The ribs are at least offering a bit of a story to the match. They’ve been on the floor for the majority of the match here. They mention that the mats are more or less pieces of carpet out there. Don’t tell Bill Watts they exist.

This protecting the wrestlers a bit is just freaking evil and can’t be allowed to ever happen again! HHH hooks an abdominal stretch that would have Monsoon rolling over in his grave. In other words, it’s about as traditional as you could possibly imagine. Jericho gets a shot in and the crowd EXPLODES. This is one of the best crowds I’ve seen in a long time.

Jericho makes a short comeback and goes for the Lionsault but HHH gets the knees up and then hits a DDT for about 8. Again being smart, HHH uses a sleeper. I usually hate that move but here it makes perfect sense to use it. That gets 9 or so and HHH is TICKED. He hits a Pedigree and lays on the top rope like Shawn used to do. After a 9 count that takes about a minute to do, Jericho is up AGAIN. HHH gets a chair and lands a few shots and goes for a Pedigree on it but a low blow saves Jericho. It was thunderous apparently. DANG.

HHH’s head more or less explodes with blood after a chair shot. I mean he’s bleeding BAD. Fans are completely into this too. Jericho cranks it up a bit here by going into his sequence of stuff and ending with the bulldog onto a chair. We’re back on the floor again with Jericho dominating. Just as I say that Jericho goes into the stairs. This is pretty freaking good. And never mind that as Jericho gets a counter.

This back and forth stuff is working quite a bit. Uh oh HHH is getting the announce table ready and they both get a shot with monitors so they’re both down. Both guys get up at nine and back in the ring Jericho hooks the Walls. HHH taps like crazy but it means nothing. Just like in the cage, why should ropes get a break when ropes mean nothing? Oh ok it doesn’t. That makes things a lot better.

Jericho pulls him back to the middle which means nothing really. Stephanie comes in and gets some Walls too which makes her top fly up which isn’t a bad thing at all. We’re on the floor again which is ok in a match like this as that’s the point. HHH swings the newly found hammer at Jericho but it hits the post instead. HHH takes a slingshot into the post which is always a cool bump.

They get on the table and HHH hits a jumping belly to back suplex where his back lands squarely on the edge of the table which means he would be hurt a lot worse, or at least I would think so. HHH gets up just in time to beat the count while Jericho is out. As Ross puts it, he was up at ten and down at eleven. Ok on another look, Jericho doesn’t hit anything but the floor on the last bump so that’s fine.

Rating: A. These two beat each other up something fierce out there. The key to it though, as always in a great match: I didn’t know who was going to win until the very end. The cut on HHH’s head was AWESOME though and the blood helped a lot.

These guys always had good chemistry together, but at some point in their careers, Jericho needs to beat HHH clean in a big match. There were plenty of times where Jericho almost had it, and that’s what made this work. It wasn’t a match where the ending was obvious because it wasn’t, an that’s what made this great.

We recap Benoit vs. Rock. Benoit and Shane had joined forces since both hated Rock for no apparent reason. More or less they played up Benoit being really great at hurting people. Yeah that’s about it.

WWF Title: Rock vs. Chris Benoit

If Rock gets disqualified, Benoit becomes champion. In a great touch, Benoit comes out with one of Rock’s torn shirts and Shane is wearing some of his broken glasses. I love that. Shane tries to jump Rock which fails completely.

They start fast of course as the announcers mention there’s not much left to destroy here which is true. Rock launches Benoit into Shane who goes flying. Rock almost gets a crossface on which he had done before.

There’s a different dynamic here as instead of the match before where there was no clear winner, it’s relatively clear here that Rock is going to win in the end, but at the same time there’s a different aspect to it as it’s not clear how Rock is going to beat Benoit. This is a very intense match as it’s a shame that Rock’s in ring ability was so overshadowed by the other aspects of his character.

He could always go in the ring though and this is proof of it. We’re so used to seeing him do nothing but brawl that it’s almost shocking to see him go with a technician like Benoit. Shane keeps interfering which doesn’t happen so much that it distracts from the rest of the match. That’s a great thing as it adds to the match just enough that it doesn’t distract at all. That’s very hard to do but it’s working here.

Benoit gets the crossface a few times but it doesn’t work obviously. Shane interferes again with a chair and whacks the referee. Rock gets the chair and drops it as the referee is turning over before locking in a crossface on Benoit, who gives up. The crowd pops huge for that and that ends the show.

OR DOES IT???

Fink announces that as a result of a disqualification, BENOIT IS THE NEW WORLD CHAMPION! He blasts Rock in the head with a chair as the smarks have officially dies and gone to heaven.

OR DO THEY???

Yeah here’s Foley to say that it doesn’t count. This actually made me roll my eyes despite knowing it was coming. What in the world is the point of having referees who allegedly have the final say if the Commissioner or whatever constantly overturns decisions and changes things? It’s just overkill and pointless. Of course the match restarts and after surviving the longest crossface in recorded history, Rock hits the Rock Bottom to win it and close the show.

Rating: A-. The stupid overbooking aside, this was great stuff. This right here is what WCW should have done with Benoit. It’s ok if you don’t put the world title on him for a long time, but dang it let him be in the main event! If this was WCW, Benoit would have been fighting in the cage match for a pointless midcard title or fighting Eddie to win the European Title to try to make him seem important while not really doing anything at all because that belt was worthless.

However, getting twenty plus minutes of these two works fine for me, especially in a minor PPV like this. It does a few things: Benoit gets to main event a PPV so he gets some big match experience, AND Rock gets a successful title defense over a guy he should beat.

Now tell me, why can’t they do more of this today? Granted this is being written the day before Sheamus vs. Cena in the tables match so maybe they are. I hope so. Anyway, this was very solid, bad ending aside. I get why Benoit didn’t get the belt here and I’m fine with that.

Overall Rating: B+. This was a really fun show. I don’t know if I’d call it great, but it’s certainly worth seeing. It’s a more laid back PPV in the vein of a good In Your House, which often times is what a PPV needs to be. When you have the drama and build to something like Mania or Summerslam, it’s good but it gives you a lot to live up to. Here, it’s Fully Loaded.

How much expectation do you have here? That helps a lot because if it sucks you’re not disappointed but if it’s good like this was, you get your money’s worth because you didn’t expect a good show. It’s saying a lot when Taker is the worst guy on the show, but that’s the case here. This show worked a lot and I really liked it. Check it out if you get the chance.

It’s off until the 22nd, which means it’ll be taped the same night.  Therefore, the Angle situation isn’t an issue, but let’s postpone it due to “circumstances beyond our control” and only let people know on Dixie’s Twitter account.  As of this writing (about 2:45 pm EST) there’s no mention of it on TNA’s website that I can find.

 

And people wonder why this company earns eye rolls from fans.

My childhood hero is 60 years old.  I don’t know how to handle this.

Summerslam 2007
Date: August 27, 2007
Location: Continental Airlines Arena, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Attendance: 17,441
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Joey Styles, Taz

It’s still an awkward period for the company as there isn’t much going on and they’re sort of just going through the motions. The big things tonight are the rise of Randy Orton and the return of HHH to face King Booker in the Game’s first match since December. Other than that there’s nothing noteworthy on the show. It’s just such a dull time for the company and it shows in their major events. Let’s get to it.

The opening video comes off like a long TV show intro. Mysterio is back tonight and Batista gets another world title shot. The main event is covered a bit as well and they get ready to throw it to the arena but the video is hijacked by a $6 Million Man bit about rebuilding HHH. He’s already hijacking things.

Kane vs. Finlay

Kane has banged up ribs due to a recent attack by Finlay. Apparently Finlay knocked some coffee onto Kane and didn’t apologize. I’ve heard worse reasons for a brawl. Kane starts fast and uppercuts Finlay down in the corner and drops him with a back elbow to the jaw. The ribs are already bothering the big bald but he pops Finlay in the chin with more uppercuts. Finlay gets a boot up in the corner but Kane pops him with a right hand so hard it sends him to the floor.

Back in and Finlay gets in a shot to the bad ribs to knock Kane to the outside. A backsplash to the bad ribs is good for two and Finlay puts on a half crab. This has been very physical so far. Kane finally powers up and hits an enziguri to escape. A big boot drops Finlay and some clotheslines in the corner stagger him. Kane hits a one armed side slam which is a bit of a stretch given the rib injuries. JBL is doing a great job on commentary here, talking about how a rib injury affects how you move in the ring.

The top rope clothesline connects but he can’t follow up. Kane misses a charge in the corner and gets dropped by a clothesline. Cue Hornswoggle who runs from Kane, allowing the big man to hit a big boot on Finlay. Horny is thrown back inside but shoved down. Kane tries the chokeslam on Finlay but the ribs give out, allowing Finlay to hit a DDT for two. In a classic heel move, Finlay goes to unhook the buckle and uses the distraction to go for his club but the referee catches him. Horny throws in another club but Kane kicks out at two. Finlay misses a charge into the corner and the chokeslam is good for the pin.

Rating: B-. That’s probably high but I was really liking this match. It was a good choice for an opener with both guys working hard and pounding on each other with some solid force. The fans were into it too and popped quite well for almost everything in there. Kane sold the ribs well and the fans liked his comeback. Nice choice for an opener here.

All the GM’s are in the back at a party when Vince comes in and wants to know why there are no women here. That’s a good question actually. Vince says the mother of his illegitimate son will be here tonight. Santino comes in and suggests he’s the illegitimate son but Regal yells him away. MVP comes in as well to complain about Teddy Long and issue an open challenge to Matt Hardy for anything other than a wrestling match. He leaves and Regal suggests that he himself is the son. Now Regal leaves and Coach suggests it might be Regal, but Vince apparently doesn’t like English women.

Rey Mysterio is coming back! Tonight! Why did we need a promo for this?

Intercontinental Title: Mr. Kennedy vs. Carlito vs. Umaga

No real story here other than Umaga is defending and these two are at the Intercontinental level. Kennedy tries to negotiate and gets punched in the face by Umaga. Carlito loads up the apple but gets punched as well, giving the champion complete control so far. The challengers fall out to the floor and finally start going after Umaga at the same time, though it has the same result. Carlito gets in a cheap shot from behind to send Umaga to the floor and Kennedy rams the champion into the steps.

Back in and Carlito gets two off a rollup but gets caught using the ropes. Everyone in this is either a heel or close enough to call them one. Carlito hits a springboard back elbow to the jaw for two on Kennedy but gets caught in a Stroke for no cover. Instead Kennedy goes after Umaga but gets pulled to the floor instead of getting in a cheap shot. Umaga hits a middle rope headbutt on Carlito but Kennedy saves Carlito from a charging Samoan.

Carlito knocks Kennedy to the floor and gets two on the champion before asking for an alliance with Kennedy. The champion won’t be double suplexed but easily hits one on the other guys. Umaga is back up first to clean house and a spinning Rock Bottom gets two on Kennedy. A superkick puts Carlito in the corner and a running hip attack crushes him again. Kennedy sends Umaga to the floor and hits a rolling senton on Carlito, only to have Umaga come back in with the Samoan Spike on Kennedy for the pin.

Rating: D+. The match wasn’t bad but this could have been on any given episode of Raw. Umaga was fine for a monster and would soon be slain by Jeff Hardy. Kennedy was supposed to be in a huge story coming up but a Wellness violation derailed those plans. As for Carlito…..there’s just nothing interesting to say about him. He exists and that’s about it.

Undertaker is coming back. Again. Seriously there’s at least a five hour DVD of just his returns.

We recap Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Guerrero. This time it’s a more standard story: Chavo is jealous of Rey’s success and injured Rey’s knee, setting up this match for revenge. Chavo even dressed up as Rey and wrestled a match to destroy a jobber’s knee.

Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Guerrero

For some reason Rey’s torso is covered in silver paint. The fans are all over Chavo to start as you would expect. The heel goes right after the knee of course but Rey slips away before the damage can be done. They do the gymnastics routine out of a test of strength as the fans chant for Eddie. Rey’s paint is already coming off, making him look really stupid. Chavo tries to bend the knee around the ropes but is sent to the floor for a big dive from Mysterio.

Back in and Rey goes up but gets caught in the Tree of Woe which is similar to what hurt his knee in the first place. Guerrero goes right for the knee and asks him if he quits. Off to the Brock Lock (Chavo bends the knee around his neck) but Rey counters into a headscissors. Chavo stays on him though and hooks another leg lock until Rey FINALLY gets out with a kick to the head.

He tries for 619 but the leg gives out, allowing Chavo to put on a half crab. Mysterio finally gets to the ropes but the knee is still too hurt to follow up. This time it’s Chavo going up but getting pulled down into the Tree of Woe so Rey can go after the knee. The paint is entirely off Rey’s chest now, making it look like he’s been fixing up his house.

Rey hits a seated senton off the apron before hitting a hard kick to the head for two. Chavo catches a springboard moonsault press but gets countered into a tornado DDT for two. Chavo comes right back with a Gory Bomb for two followed by two of the Three Amigos. Rey spins out of the third and takes Chavo into the ropes for the 619 and the springboard splash for the pin.

Rating: C-. The match was ok but at the end of the day there was no doubt that Rey was winning at all. It wasn’t boring but I liked last year’s action more. The story this year was better, but the paint and the obvious ending didn’t do it any favors. Chavo doesn’t work that well as a heel whatsoever.

King Booker says he’ll beat HHH tonight. That’s hilarious.

Divas Battle Royal

Beth Phoeix, Torrie Wilson, Victoria, Layla, Brooke, Kelly Kelly, Kristal Marshall, Michelle McCool, Mickie James, Jillian Hall, Melina, Maria

The winner gets a title shot at Candace Michelle at some point in the future and you don’t have to go over the top rope. It’s a Divas battle royal so you know this is going to come down to about three people as potential winners. It’s a huge brawl to start with Brooke (Miss Tessmacher) being sent out early. Jillian Hall eliminates Maria and those great little shorts of hers. Layla, who looks much better with curly hair, is out and the loud screaming continues.

Kristal actually knocks Victoria out and Michelle puts Kristal out a few seconds later. Kelly is thrown out and Mickie helps Michelle eliminate Jillian. Melina dumps Mickie and we’re down to Torrie, Melina, McCool and Phoenix. Melina screams a lot and takes Torrie down but gets clotheslined out by Michelle. Torrie and McCool go after Beth but Wilson is quickly tossed. Beth easily tosses for the win.

Rating: D. There’s just NOTHING to talk about in these things. It’s all about the girls looking good and while that worked, it doesn’t make for an interesting eight minutes of “action.” Beth would go on to dominate the division for several years as the wrestling was phased out in favor of models who MIGHT wrestle a match here or there. Then they brought in a second belt for some reason that didn’t work. Less than nothing of value here, other than looks.

Here’s MVP for his challenge to Matt Hardy as Beth’s music is still playing. He says no one bought a ticket to see the girls (likely true) so here’s the US Champion to entertain you. MVP talks about growing up drinking beer but now he drinks the finer beverages. Tonight though, he’s lowering himself to challenge Matt to a beer drinking contest. This was the latest in a LONG series of challenges before these guys actually had a match. It went on for over six months before Matt actually won the title at Backlash. They would even win the Smackdown Tag Titles in a few days.

Anyway Matt comes out for the contest and sounds drunk before the first can is opened. Matt says MVP isn’t better than anyone and is proud to be a common man. He knows he can out drink MVP, but tonight he isn’t going to try. A few weeks back MVP brought in a substitute for a boxing match against Hardy: former world champion Evander Holyfield.

The fans immediately get what’s going on and here’s Austin to drink for Matt instead. Gee good thing he was in the building and Matt knew it would be a beer drinking contest. Cole says this is fair. JBL: “THIS IS NOT FAIR! EVANDER HOLYFIELD IS JUST EVANDER HOLYFIELD!!! THAT IS FREAKING STONE COLD!” Austin does warmups before the contest and Stuns MVP before they drink the first beer. It’s hard to argue with these nostalgia moments as the fans went NUTS for Austin.

Wrestlemania 24 is in Orlando.

Cryme Tyme comes in to see the GM’s and Vince and suggest they might be Vince’s son. They start talking about that money money yeah yeah and since this is WWE, it turns into a dance off with Regal stealing the show as always. Cue Ron Simmons for the obvious punchline.

ECW Title: CM Punk vs. John Morrison

Morrison is defending, having taken the title from Punk at Vengeance in what was supposed to be Benoit winning the title. John is freshly changed over from Johnny Nitro so he’s still rocking the poetry. Punk takes him down by the legs to start but John has him in a chinlock a few seconds later. They trade hiptosses until Punk slams him down to take over. Punk dropkicks Morrison down onto the apron but John blocks a suplex back in with a neckbreaker onto the apron.

Morrison pounds away at Punk and puts on something vaguely resembling a Tazmission. A knee to the ribs gets two and it’s back to the chinlock. Back up and Punk misses the backfist but gets two off a rolling sunset flip out of the corner. A spinning cross body out of the corner gets the same and there’s the running knee I the corner. The bulldog, of course, doesn’t work but a powerslam gets another near fall for Punk.

Morrison comes right back with a backbreaker and neckbreaker for two but CM counters the flip neckbreaker (Morrison’s finisher) into a clothesline. A moonsault of all things gets two for Punk and he crotches John on the top rope. Punk clotheslines him down for two and a high kick has Morrison in trouble, but he manages to block a middle rope hurricanrana and put his feet on the ropes to retain.

Rating: C. Again this match could have been on any given episode of ECW on Sci-Fi, which is exactly where it was when Punk won the title nine days later. Why they didn’t just do that here is anyone’s guess, but I don’t think anyone really gave much thought to what was going on with ECW anyway. The match was pretty good but it needed more than seven minutes.

We recap HHH vs. Booker, which doesn’t have much of a story to it. King Booker was going after Lawler and Ross for not respecting him enough and HHH, noted defender of the little guy, is coming back to defend their honor. The hook is King vs. King but in other words, HHH is returning from injury and we need to feed him someone with some credibility.

HHH vs. King Booker

HHH’s return is of course over the top and not as good as the one in 2002. Booker gets in a cheap shot to start but HHH comes back with right hands. A clothesline puts Booker on the floor and a second clothesline does the same. Back in and Booker gets in some forearms but walks into the facebuster for two. Queen Sharmell finally helps her man out and Booker goes after the injured leg.

HHH counters a slam and takes out Booker’s leg before putting on a Figure Four. Sharmell interferes again to break the hold and a quick kick to the face gets two for Booker. Back up and they slug it out with HHH taking over by sending Booker to the floor. HHH whips Booker into the steps and gets caught in a spinebuster back inside for two. The Pedigree is escaped and the Book End gets two. The Houston Hangover misses though and the Pedigree is good for the pin.

Rating: D+. One former world champion squashed, dozens to go. HHH is back and the match was never in doubt at all. The match wasn’t even eight minutes long and yet again Booker looks like a goon against HHH, albeit with roles reversed from Wrestlemania XIX. Nothing to see here and HHH didn’t look like anything great.

We recap Batista vs. Khali but there isn’t much to say. Khali won the title in a battle royal due to Edge being injured. Batista challenged him to try to slay the beast. Khali is using a vice grip around this time.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. Great Khali

Khali immediately takes him into the corner and chops him down. Some elbows to the head put Batista down again and there’s a hard clothesline for good measure. All champion so far. Batista falls down to the floor and gets back in for the big chop for two. Big Dave is sent shoulder first into the corner and there’s a nerve hold to really keep up the suck. The hold stays on for over a minute and a half, drawing a boring chant.

Batista finally hits a jawbreaker but Khali chops him down for two. Cole even acknowledges the boring chant. Batista blocks the vice grip to finally wake the crowd up a bit before hitting a spinebuster. The champion escapes the Batista Bomb and catches him coming off the middle rope in the Punjabi Plunge for two. Then to really screw over the fans, Khali’s manager sends in a chair and Khali whacks Batista for the DQ.

Rating: F. Oh come on. They’ve GOT to be screwing with us right? This wasn’t even seven minutes long and over a minute and a half of that was in a nerve hold. The fans were absolutely right in booing the match but the worse sign is they cheered for the comeback. It was clear they cared about Batista and wanted to see him win but the solution is to make them wait so Batista could win the title next month in a stupid three way.

Batista destroys Khali with the chair post match. Even JBL rips into Khali for such a lame ending.

Vince and Coach are wondering where the aforementioned woman is when Regal pops in to say she’s here. Say it with me: here are Mae and Moolah. Apparently Mae wants to give Vince another illegitimate son and you know what’s coming: Mae nearly molests Vince to death until Regal and Coach drag her off. Vince seems to like it. COMEDY!

We recap the main event. Cena has been champion for eleven months and Orton has been rising up the card as the legend killer. He was named #1 contender on Raw and spent the next several weeks RKOing Cena.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Randy Orton

They lock up to start with Cena taking over via a headlock. A hard shoulder puts Orton down and the fans aren’t pleased at all. Cena takes him down with a headlock takeover but Orton fights up quickly. Back up and Orton hits a shoulder and headlock takeover of his own to take over. The fans hate Cena as he tries to grab the STFU but Orton makes it to the rope and pops Cena in the face to a big reaction. Orton was a mega heel coming into this match so the fans cheering him is very bizarre.

Orton pounds away even more but Cena comes back with a bulldog for two. A forearm to the back of John’s head puts him right back down for two though and momentum shifts again. Cena tries a leapfrog but Orton stops on a dime and blasts him in the head instead. Randy knocks him from the apron onto the announce table as the head trauma continues. Back in and Orton takes Cena down with a chinlock as the champion is in trouble.

Randy even lays on his back to crank even more but Cena fights up again, countering with a belly to back suplex to put both guys down. Back up and Cena misses a charge, going head first into the buckle to shake up the head again. Orton stomps away on Cena including a hard shot to the back of the champ’s head. A knee drop misses Cena’s head but Orton takes him down with a powerslam for two.

Back to the chinlock for a bit before Orton snaps off a gorgeous dropkick for two. We hit chinlock #3 but this time the suplex is countered into a headlock takeover to keep Orton in control. Orton hooks a bodyscissors to go with the chinlock but John fights to his feet and powers out of the hold before initiating his finishing sequence. The ProtoBomb puts Orton down but the Shuffle is countered by Orton’s over the back backbreaker. Orton’s Elevated DDT (Cena’s feet hanging on the middle rope) gets a very close two count and Randy is getting a look in his eyes.

Orton’s RKO (jumping cutter) is countered but Cena charges at Randy, only to go sailing over the top and out to the floor. Randy rams him into the steps and Cena is in big trouble. Back in and Cena gets in a quick shot to stagger Orton but gets crotched as he goes up. A superplex is blocked though and Cena hits the top rope Fameasser, but Orton blocks the FU. A shot to the head puts Cena down again but his running punt to the head misses. There’s the STFU but Randy grabs the rope. Back up and the RKO takes Cena down for two. They get up again and the FU hits to retain Cena’s title.

Rating: B-. While this wasn’t the epic showdown they were hoping for, it definitely was a good fight. Orton going after Cena’s head and not worrying about the consequences for the sake of winning the title made him seem ruthless but Cena never giving up was exactly what you would expect from him. Good stuff here but not great.

Overall Rating: D+. The show isn’t bad but I’m looking for more out of Summerslam than this. Orton vs. Cena was the match of the night and that’s just ok. That’s the best way to sum up most of these matches: just ok. Only two matches crack nine minutes here and that’s just not enough time for a lot of them. The show isn’t worth seeing, but brighter days were ahead.

Ratings Comparison

Kane vs. Finlay

Original: C

Redo: B-

Carlito vs. Mr. Kennedy vs. Umaga

Original: C+

Redo: D+

Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Guerrero

Original: B-

Redo: C-

Divas Battle Royal

Original: F

Redo: D

CM Punk vs. John Morrison

Original: B+

Redo: C

HHH vs. King Booker

Original: B-

Redo: D+

Great Khali vs. Batista

Original: D-

Redo: F

John Cena vs. Randy Orton

Original: B

Redo: B-

Overall Rating

Original: B

Redo: D+

DANG I liked this way too much the first time.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/08/10/history-of-summerslam-count-up-2007-hhh-is-back-again/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 2001 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $4 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books, including a complete History of Starrcade, as low as $4 at:

Why this isn’t done anymore is beyond me.Lately the Wyatt Family has been the hottest group in wrestling due to its amazing leader Bray Wyatt.  He’s so into the character right now and it’s absolutely amazing.  However, this isn’t the first time we’ve seen Wyatt in WWE.  A few years back he was Husky Harris, a fat guy who ran pretty fast.  There was clearly potential there, but there was nothing to go on.  The solution for WWE: completely repackage him as something unlike Harris at all.

 

This is called repackaging and it can be the solution to anyone’s problems.  A ton of people have been repackaged over the years to incredible results.

Hulk Hogan – Generic heel to REAL AMERICAN

Papa Shango – Voodoo priest to pimp

Bret Hart – Cowboy to Excellence of Execution

Steve Austin – Ringmaster to the Texas Rattlesnake

Undertaker – Demon who worshipped Vince McMahon to biker

 

I could go on and on but you get the point.  The key thing to repackaging is that somewhere out there, there’s a gimmick that works for you if you have the talent.  Look at Kane for example.  He went from generic heel characters like Unabomb and Doomsday to a gangster in WCW named Bruiser Mastino (he fought Sting once on WCW Saturday Night) to an evil dentist to a fake Diesel until they FINALLY found the character that worked for him: the Undertaker’s brother who could manipulate fire.  The key thing though was the man had talent and the key was putting him in the right character to make that talent come out.  He tried everything and finally got it right, giving him a career that has run 16 years and a ton of titles.

 

Now jump back to WWE today: think of how many people could thrive as a completely new character.  Wade Barrett comes to mind.  He’s just a generic English brawler.  A new gimmick could do wonders for him.  Look at what happened to guys like Brodus Clay.  He went from a monster heel with a good look to the Funkasaurus and was the hottest act on Raw for a long time.  It can be done, but the key is to do the work, which WWE seems to not want to do most of the time.  Instead they would rather have a guy lose and lose and lose and lose then give him two wins and wonder why no one cares about him.

Starrcade 1999
Date: December 19, 1999
Location: MCI Center, Washington D.C.
Attendance: 8,582
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson, Bobby Heenan

 

Other than the main event, there isn’t much here. The card is thirteen matches long as opposed to the eight or nine that we’ve had for the past few years. The only other main match on the card is a battle of the powerbombs between Nash and Sid who returned earlier this year. There just isn’t much to see here but that’s the case with Russo shows. Another interesting sign about this show: the attendance. Starrcade 1997-2000 were all in the same arena. 1997 drew 17,500 fans, 1998 drew about 16,000, 1999 drew about 8,500 and 2000 drew about 6,500. The writing is on the wall already. Let’s get to it.

 

The intro video lists off all of the matches tonight, starting with the least interesting of them all. Usually it’s the other way around.

 

Disco Inferno/Lash Leroux vs. Mamalukes

 

Leroux is a pretty generic cruiserweight from Louisiana. The Mamalukes are two Italian guys named Johnny the Bull and Big Vito who are your basic mafia gimmick. Vito and Lash start after a quick brawl. The Cajun guy is pounded into the corner as Vito does every Mafia stereotype you can think of. Lash takes a side kick to the face and it’s off to Johnny for some double stomping. Leroux takes him down with a hiptoss and it’s to Disco. Inferno gets two on the Bull via a clothesline and two off a clothesline and Russian legsweep.

 

As Disco stomps away in the corner, we get the story behind this: apparently Disco owes the Italians’ manager Tony Marinara (just go with it) $25,000 and the makeshift team is together because they used to not like each other but now respect one another. Disco has also tarred and feathered Marinara before pouring meat sauce on Vito and the Bull. I’ve heard stupider angles. I can’t think of many but I’ve heard of them.

 

The Mamalukes take over and it’s off to Vito who hits a neckbreaker to give Johnny a two count. After a quick chinlock by the Bull and some double teaming including a wishbone split for Disco’s legs, a double powerbomb gets no cover on Inferno. Instead Vito misses a middle rope splash and it’s off to Lash.

 

Leroux speeds things up and takes Vito down with a spin kick before making the heels hit each other by mistake. Everything breaks down and the Italians hit a double clothesline to take over. Disco and Vito go to the floor as Johnny misses a guillotine legdrop, allowing Disco to hit a splash for two. Everyone is back in again and Disco tries his Chartbuster (Stunner) but Vito breaks it up, sending Disco into Lash for a Chartbuster to his partner for no apparent reason. That and a spinning inverted DDT to Disco are enough for the pin by Vito.

 

Rating: C-. Very basic tag match here but I’ve seen worse. Again though, the idea of this story being based around a guy named Tony Marinara does it no favors and makes for a rather stupid story all around. Disco continues to be impressive though as he was nothing but a comedy character who lasted for many years with the company. He also wasn’t half bad in the ring, but his career was hindered by the character.

 

Post match Disco’s face is covered with an ether rag and placed in a body bag. The Italians carry him to a waiting car and drive off.

 

The announcers hype up the rest of the card.

 

We’re told that US Champion Scott Hall is injured and therefore has to forfeit the title. Here’s Chris Benoit who is awarded the title in Hall’s absence, so he issues an open challenge for a title defense later on in the show. The match will be a ladder match like Benoit vs. Hall was scheduled to be. Ok then.

 

Cruiserweight Title: Madusa vs. Evan Karagias

 

Evan is a generic pretty boy wrestler and is defending. These two used to be a couple but have since split over the title. Madusa jumps him on the way to the ring and sends him into the steps to take over. Evan can’t bring himself to hit her but then he punches her down anyway. What drama indeed as the reaction from the fans (or lack thereof) can tell you. A slam puts Madusa down but Karagias misses a moonsault (which would have missed even if she hadn’t rolled away) and Madusa hits (kind of) a middle rope dropkick for no cover.

 

She goes up again, only to be slammed down by Karagias. They trade powerbombs (Tony on Madusa’s: “that was almost like a powerbomb!”) followed by a neckbreaker from Evan. The fans rightly think this is boring as Evan dives on Madusa on the floor. Cue Evan’s chick Spice to turn on him with a low blow, allowing Madusa to German suplex Karagias down for the title. Did I mention that Spice and Evan hooked up on Monday, making this turn completely pointless?

 

Rating: F. Madusa is one of those very annoying female wrestlers who is supposed to be interesting because she’s a female wrestler, but at the end of the day she just isn’t entertaining. Karagias was as generic of a wrestler as you could get, making this to be absolutely terrible and sloppy on top of that.

 

Cue Norman Smiley in Washington Redskins gear to scream a lot before the match. See he’s a coward, so a producer saying they’re out of time terrifies him.

 

Hardcore Title: Meng vs. Norman Smiley

 

See, it’s funny because it’s a monster vs. a coward. Norman brings out a dumpster full of weapons but puts on a helmet before starting things off. Smiley, the champion, throws the weapons into the ring but has them thrown back at him, sending Norman running off. A garbage can to the head sends Norman staggering away and we head to the back after about fifteen seconds of “action”.

 

Meng is hit by a chair a few times but a trashcan shot has no effect. They head to the catering area with Norman stumbling around. This is a Vince Russo trademark by the way. Meng pounds away on him, throwing Norman through a table. Norman finds a fire extinguisher to blast Meng with, only to have hardcore guys Fit Finlay and Brian Knobbs show up to beat Meng down. A shot to the head with some kind of a metal bar is enough to knock Meng out, allowing Norman to come out from under a table and retain the title.

 

Rating: D-. These are the same kind of matches that the WWF was having at the time and they were doing them much better. The problem here is that these matches are done over and over again and they just aren’t funny anymore. Norman constantly ran around while screaming, only to win the title due to some shocking coincidence. Nothing to see here, again.

 

David Flair, Ric’s son, is presented with a golden crowbar as a gift. Ok then.

 

Punk band The Misfits kidnaps Oklahoma, a character designed to make fun of WWF announcer Jim Ross. This will be explained better in a bit.

 

We recap the Revolution vs. Jim Duggan. Fed up with never getting elevated up the card, Perry Saturn, Chris Benoit, Dean Malenko and Shane Douglas formed a group called the Revolution, which was designed to rebel against the established veterans to take their spot on the top of the card. WCW, in its infinite wisdom, turned them into an anti-American group who declared statehood, thereby ticking off patriot (and resident WCW janitor) Jim Duggan. Duggan will have mystery partners for an eight man tag tonight.

 

Jim Duggan/???/???/??? vs. Revolution

 

Oh and if Duggan loses, the Revolution has to do his janitor job for thirty days, but if Duggan loses he has to renounce his citizenship on Nitro. Duggan’s partners are…..the Varsity Club. Yes, the same three guys (Rick Steiner, Kevin Sullivan and Mike Rotundo) from 1988 are back again for absolutely no apparent reason. Instead of Shane in the match, it’s WCW’s version of WWF bodybuilding chick Chyna, named Asya. Get the joke? Also Benoit isn’t here because of the US Title match later tonight.

 

Duggan wants to start the match himself so he sticks his tongue out at the Varsity Club. Saturn starts for the Revolution and gets pounded down by Duggan so it’s Malenko’s turn. Jim beats him down as well with the Three Point Clothesline but he doesn’t seem interested in tagging. The Varsity Club yells at him and you can feel the heel turn coming from here. Saturn comes in again with a springboard missile dropkick to take Duggan down.

 

The Revolution takes turns beating on Duggan in the corner as this is rapidly going nowhere. Dean hits him with the Revolution flag and even Asya gets in some shots of her own. The Varsity Club finally gets bored of standing on the apron and everything breaks down. To the shock of no one paying attention, the former heel stable turns on Duggan and lays him out, allowing Douglas to come in and steal the pin.

 

Rating: D. As predicted, no one knew who the Varsity Club was so no one cared when they turned on him. Why Duggan would pick them as partners is beyond me, but as mentioned he wasn’t that bright. This was a waste of Malenko and Saturn, which is a big part of why the bailed to the WWF along with Guerrero and Benoit in about a month.

 

The Misfits have Oklahoma in a one man cage and berate him a bit.

 

Vampiro vs. Steve Williams

 

The Misfits are Vampiro’s friends and Williams is Oklahoma’s heavy. Oklahoma is designed to do one thing and one thing only: make fun of Jim Ross. Vampiro gets five minutes against Oklahoma is he wins, but since Oklahoma has a mic on we have to hear him talk during the match. Vampiro climbs on top of the cage to start and dives down onto Williams before whipping him into the barricade. A kick to the face staggers Doc and we head inside for the first time.

 

Vampiro pounds on Williams as this is already going nowhere, much like the majority of the card tonight. Doc fires back with some chops, causing Oklahoma to shout CHOP CHOP CHOP because that’s FUNNY you see. Williams hits some shoulder blocks but misses a splash in the corner. A suplex puts Williams down but as Vampiro goes up, Doc pops up with a superplex, nearly breaking Vampiro’s neck in the process. That’s enough for the wrestling so here are the Misfits to distract Williams. Vampiro kicks Doc down but a second kick is caught in a suplex. Williams pounds away until he shoves the referee for the lame DQ.

 

Rating: D. So to be clear, Vampiro was supposed to be a big deal in WCW around this time, so let’s have him get destroyed by someone who hasn’t been around in years for the sake of pushing a feud to make fun of someone who isn’t even in this company anymore. Did I mention that 1999 was a really stupid year for WCW?

 

The five minute clock immediately starts despite Oklahoma being in the cage still.

 

Vampiro vs. Oklahoma

 

To further the stupidity, Williams beats Vampiro up for about two more minutes while Oklahoma spouts off stupid jokes from inside the cage. Oklahoma finally gets out and drops Vampiro again with a DDT before stomping away in the corner. Vampiro gets up so Oklahoma runs, only to have the Misfits throw him back in. After a few low blows from Oklahoma (yeah the announcer is hanging in there with a wrestler. Why are you surprised?), Vampiro hits a Nail in the Coffin (Michinoku Driver) for the pin. They weren’t even “fighting” for a minute.

 

The Powers That Be (the faceless bosses of the company) talk to Creative Control/Curt Hennig, telling them to go become #1 contenders in the six man tag. The faceless voice seems distracted and says something big is going down tonight.

 

Harlem Heat and Midnight, a big muscular chick that no one cared about, get in an argument before said six man. Stevie walks out due to Midnight.

 

Harlem Heat/Midnight vs. Creative Control/Curt Hennig

 

It’s a handicap match because Stevie is gone. Creative Control is a pair of big bald twins named Gerald and Patrick who have teamed for years under a variety of names. The winning team here become number one contenders to the tag belts. Booker and we’ll say Patrick start things off with Booker being shoved into the corner. Booker fights back with a spin kick to the head for two but the twins double team Booker by working on his ribs. Gerald gets taken down by a forearm and put in an armbar before it’s off to Midnight.

 

She stays on the arm but gets taken into the corner and pounded with some shoulders. Booker comes in very quickly but is tripped up by Patrick as the heels quickly take over. Curt comes in for all of five seconds before it’s back to Gerald who gets two off a big boot. Patrick comes in again and gets caught by an ax kick for two before Midnight gets another tag. Hennig comes in again and after ducking a leapfrog, decks Midnight in the back of the head to knock her to the floor.

 

Curt stays on Midnight as the fans simply don’t care. The announcers talk about the big deal that the Powers That be were talking about with Hudson asking what could be bigger than Disco Inferno being thrown in a car. Like I said, 1999 was very stupid. Stevie finally comes out but Booker tells him to leave, which Stevie does.

 

Patrick comes back in for a slam and a series of elbow drops. Booker makes the save as Stevie is still at ringside. Patrick misses a middle rope elbow drop and there’s the tag to Booker, but the referee is with Stevie. Booker cleans house but Curt hits him in the head with a foreign object, allowing Gerald to get the pin.

 

Rating: D. This is yet ANOTHER match that could have been on Nitro and had no business here at all. That’s the problem with almost everything so far: it’s either stupid or WAY too short to mean anything at all. Other than the opener, nothing has lasted more than nine minutes so far which makes it hard to get interested in anything.

 

We recap Dustin Rhodes vs. Jeff Jarrett. Rhodes had returned as a man in black and white named Seven who was based on the seven deadly sins. That sounds interesting, so Dustin dropped the gimmick and became just Dustin Rhodes, who isn’t interesting no matter how many times you remind us that he’s Dusty’s son. Jeff Jarrett is tired of him so tonight it’s a Bunkhouse Brawl, meaning hardcore match.

 

Dustin is in the back and complaining about his father not working here anymore when Jarrett jumps him to start the match.

 

Jeff Jarrett vs. Dustin Rhodes

 

Jarrett takes it back into the arena and runs Rhodes over with a wheelbarrow full of guitars. Dustin is wheeled into the barricade but Rhodes comes back with a cold drink to the face. They head inside with Dustin getting in some shots to the back with a wooden stick. It’s time for the bullrope and cowbell because that’s what guys from Texas use. They head outside again with Jeff being pounded on the announce table and being pulled into the post by the rope.

 

Back in and Dustin throws powder into Jeff’s eyes before pulling out some duct tape. Oh wait first of all let’s have a few whips with a belt and beat up the referee. The referee is taped to the ropes but Jeff is still blinded by the powder. Jeff gets in a shot to the ribs as Curt Hennig comes out to untie the referee. A wooden stick is broken over Rhodes’ back before Jeff puts on a sleeper. Back up and Dustin gets two off a quick belly to belly suplex as the fans are REALLY restless now.

 

Dustin gets a rollup but Hennig breaks it up to give Jarrett a near fall of his own. Back up and Dustin hits Shattered Dreams on Jarrett (if you don’t know what that is, keep it that way) but Hennig pulls the referee out. Curt has his own dreams shattered but Dustin is backdropped to the floor by Jeff. They head up to the set and climb up the structure before hopping back down. Hennig is back again but gets bulldogged on the concrete. Jarrett climbs up on the set with a guitar to crack Dustin in the head for the pin.

 

Rating: D+. This is one of the best matches of the night so far. Let that sink in for a minute. This is also the first match to break ten minutes tonight and we’re eight matches into the show. These hardcore matches are getting really hard to sit through as they’re getting repetitive and there’s such little focus on story that it’s almost impossible to get into them.

 

DDP promises to beat up David Flair with the crowbar.

 

David Flair vs. Diamond Dallas Page

 

This is a crowbar on a pole match, meaning if you climb the pole and bring the crowbar down, you can use it on the other guy. They’re fighting because DDP took out Ric Flair, sending David into insanity. David brings his own crowbar to attack Page from behind. The referee takes it away which should be considered theft when you think about it. Apparently Page can’t continue but he shoves the announcer before the match can end, so let’s get going with the bell. How can you not continue a match that hasn’t started yet?

 

As I try to figure that out, Flair stomps on Page in the corner but gets rolled up for two. A sunset flip is easily blocked by a Page right hand so Flair takes him down with a DDT for two. DDP gets up and pounds away in the corner, only to be clotheslined down for two. The announcers are shocked at Flair’s abilities, as before this he had been a complete joke (and US Champion but the less said about that the better).

 

Page clotheslines him down but can’t follow up. David gets up first and puts on a figure four, only to have it reversed a few seconds later. There’s the crowbar (which was maybe seven feet above the mat, making the “climb” a joke) but a single swing misses, allowing the Diamond Cutter to end David quick.

 

Rating: F. ANOTHER worthless match here that didn’t even break four minutes. The crowbar wasn’t a factor whatsoever, making me wonder why this match even existed. That’s what this show can be summed up as: a bunch of quick ideas which have no time to develop, meaning that as soon as they’re done you forget about them because they didn’t have enough time to mean anything.

 

Post match Page hits a Diamond Cutter off the top rope but as he lifts the crowbar, a fan who is obsessed with Flair comes in for the save. She would be revealed as Daffney soon after this.

 

We recap Sting vs. Total Package (Lex Luger) which is all about Elizabeth. The idea is Luger abuses her by making her wrestle in dangerous or humiliating matches, so tonight her contract with Luger is on the line in Sting vs. Luger’s match.

 

Sting vs. The Total Package

 

Luger changed his name to the Total Package (his nickname for years), which was supposed to make him a TOTALLY different guy. This worked about as well as you would expect given that by this point, Luger was pretty much a parody of himself. Before the match, Sting gives Liz a SPECIAL can of mace to use just in case something happens. Luger jumps Sting as he comes in before stomping away. Sting is sent to the floor and rammed into the apron for good measure.

 

Back in and Luger pounds Sting down for two as he keeps looking out at Liz. Sting no sells a ram into the corner as Liz is now on the apron. A suplex is no sold as well and Luger gets pinballed back and forth between Sting and Liz. Sting and Luger clothesline each other down and Liz has the mace. She goes to turn on Sting (a running joke at this point) but the can is silly string, because for the first time ever, STING OUTSMARTED SOMEONE! Liz bails and Sting pounds away on Luger with an atomic drop and top rope splash for two. There are two Stinger Splashes but Liz comes in for the DQ.

 

Rating: D. This was a one joke match and while the joke was good, it was clear that neither guy was interested in doing anything here. It’s another match not even making it to six minutes, which makes you wonder why this match needed to be on PPV at all. Luger deteriorated so far in just a few months that it was uncanny.

 

Liz hits Sting in the jaw with the bat, knocking him out cold. Luger crushes Sting’s wrist with a chair, putting him out until March.

 

Sid vs. Kevin Nash

 

This is a powerbomb match, meaning the first person to hit the move wins. Basically they’re fighting because they’re both big and both use the same move. Nash is one half of the tag champions with the injured Hall. Nash takes him into the corner to start and fires off his usual knees to the ribs and elbows to the jaw. They botch a double clothesline as only Sid goes down. Back up and a low blow stops Sid’s powerbomb attempt, sending him to the floor. Nash has one blocked on the floor as well before Sid rams him back first into the apron a few times.

 

Nash is sent into the barricade a few times as this is already very slow paced. A chair to the back keeps Nash down again and Sid yells at the fans a lot. Back in and a clothesline puts Nash down and there’s a legdrop for good measure. Sid fails at starting a powerbomb chant but Nash pokes him in the eye. There goes the referee as you would expect, followed by a horrible looking powerbomb by Sid. Cue Jeff Jarrett to break a guitar over Sid’s head as the referee wakes up. Nash can’t get Sid up so he tells the referee he powerbombed Sid…..AND THAT’s GOOD ENOUGH FOR THE REFEREE, meaning Nash wins.

 

Rating: F. There was a match designed to keep either guy from having to be pinned, and the match was won because Nash said that he powerbombed the other guy. The fact that this company survived the year 2000 is absolutely stunning considering how long these same guys were on top.

 

Benoit says the open challenge hasn’t been answered yet but he’s heading to the ring to face somebody.

 

US Title: Chris Benoit vs. ???

 

This is a ladder match, meaning the belt is hanging from the ceiling and you have to climb a ladder to bring it down. And it’s Jeff Jarrett. The roster is as stacked as it is so we have Jarrett appear in his third match of the night. You couldn’t possibly throw Booker T or Malenko or someone like that out there right? Tony: “Jeff Jarrett? Again?” Benoit is cool with fighting Jarrett and brings him in for a hard clothesline and an elbow to the face. A backbreaker takes Jeff down and a superplex does it even better.

 

Benoit brings in the first ladder but Jeff baseball slides it into Chris’ ribs before blasting him in the face to take over. Back inside and the ladder is set up in the corner but it’s Jeff being whipped into it by Benoit. The champion heads up for the belt but Jeff pulls Benoit down and crotches him on the top rope. The earlier ladder shot to Benoit’s head has busted him open. Benoit is whipped into the ladder in the corner but he comes right back for a whip of his own to put Jarrett down.

 

Jeff responds by putting Benoit in the ladder and dropping it back onto the champion in a painful looking landing. Benoit comes back by tying Jarrett’s legs in the ladder and hanging him upside down, only to have Jarrett shake Benoit off the ladder to put both guys down. Jarrett goes up again but gets dumped off, only to do the exact same thing to Benoit a few moments later.

 

Benoit gets up and shoves the ladder down again, sending a climbing Jeff down onto the ropes. Chris goes up but Jeff dropkicks the ladder from the top rope, sending Benoit crashing down in a scary fall. Back up again and Benoit rams the ladder into Jarrett’s face to put him down, allowing Chris to climb up…..and hit a Swan Dive headbutt to knock Jarrett out even colder. Benoit climbs up and keeps the title.

 

Rating: B-. It’s not great but this is by far and away the best match of the night so far. The fact that there wasn’t a boring and stupid story to this helped it a lot. Instead of having to adjust to some idiotic idea, they just went out there and beat each other up for ten minutes. Given what we’ve had to sit through on this show so far, that’s the best thing they could have done.

 

Bret says he’ll win because he wants to prove how great he is.

 

WCW World Title: Bret Hart vs. Goldberg

 

Bret is defending and this is No DQ. He won the title at Mayhem in November and Goldberg wanted a shot, so for some reason they won the tag titles, only to lose them in a few weeks. Ignoring the fact that it took two years for Bret to win the WCW Title, I’ve heard worse ideas for the main event of the biggest show of the year. Goldberg is the more popular guy but they’re both mostly good guys. They shake hands and we’re ready to go.

 

Feeling out process to start until Goldberg shoves him to the floor with ease. Back in and Bret headlocks him down to the mat, only to have Goldberg fight up and hit a gorilla press into a powerslam to wake the crowd up a bit. A clothesline puts Bret down and Goldberg puts on a leg lock, only to be countered into a Sharpshooter attempt. Goldberg kicks him away and they head to the floor where the referee is bumped less than five minutes into the match.

 

A second referee comes out as Bret is dropped onto the barricade chest face. Back inside and a big boot to the face puts Bret down. A powerslam looks to do the same….and there goes the second referee. Bret avoids the spear and puts the Figure Four on around the post. There’s a third referee in (remember we’re maybe seven minutes into this at most) as Bret drops the hold around the post. Back in and Bret goes after the leg by cannonballing down onto it and bending the leg around the ropes.

 

Off to a figure four by Bret and Goldberg is in trouble. The fans chant his name and Goldberg turns it over. Bret makes the rope….which shouldn’t mean anything in a No DQ match but what has made sense tonight? Bret stays on the leg in the corner but Goldberg chokes him into the corner and pounds away, only to knock down the third referee.

 

In the famous moment of the match, Goldberg hits a superkick to Bret’s head, giving Bret such a concussion that his career basically ended right there. Bret would wrestle five more times in WCW in the next three weeks and then not again for over ten years. Anyway, the spear puts Bret down and here’s Roddy Piper to be referee. The distraction legs Bret hit him in the knee and load up the Sharpshooter…..and it’s Montreal AGAIN, with Piper calling for the bell before Bret can turn the hold over.

 

Rating: C-. Bret killing kick aside, this wasn’t much to see. The leg work was fine and looked to be setting up an interesting ending, but why do that when you can have ANOTHER Montreal Screwjob moment? The match watch wasn’t too bad, but after two hours of drek like we’ve just sat through, you need something WAY better than this.

 

Overall Rating: F. As in failure. That’s what this show was on almost all levels. The ladder match is quite good (imagine that: two guys who were 32 at this time had the best match of the night) and the opening tag match is watchable. There’s your biggest problem: arguably the second best match of the night is the Disco Inferno and Lash Leroux vs. the Marinara Goon Squad.

 

Like I said, there are thirteen matches on the card and three of them (Bunkhouse, ladder, world title) break ten minutes. Everything else goes by so fast that you don’t have time to determine if it’s good or bad. All you know is that something happened, but so much other stuff is flying at you that you can’t process anything else. That’s Russo booking 101: throw everything you can at the audience and hope they like something instead of slowing down a bit and letting a good show develop. Terrible show which illustrates everything wrong with the company at the moment.

 

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A lot of times in reviews I’ll call a match or promo required viewing.  Unfortunately I don’t often talk about them in detail, so I figured I might as well do it more often.  Every so often (it won’t be daily) I’ll post a promo or a match (as in the Youtube video of it) that I think is worth seeing and tell you why it’s so awesome.  I’ll try to keep this a bit less familiar, as in there won’t be stuff almost everyone has seen like Savage vs. Steamboat or Razor vs. Shawn.

 

Hope you enjoy it,

KB

Global Warning
Date: August 10, 2002
Location: Colonial Stadium, Melbourne, Australia
Attendance: 56,734
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

So this is another one of those it’s really a house show but we’ll put it on DVD and give you a really big card and a PPV feeling shows. This is the only PPV from Australia that I can think of other than some all-star shows and the like. The main event is HHH vs. Rock vs. Lesnar as Summerslam where Brock became champion was like two weeks away. Other than that there isn’t much here, but this is one of those obscure shows I’ve needed to do so let’s get to it. Oh and it’s a Smackdown show.

Apparently there were three matches on the card that didn’t come on the home video: Mark Henry/Randy Orton vs. D-Von/Batista (yes they were a real team), Hardcore Holly/Chavo vs. Billy/Chuck and Kurt Angle vs. Test.

Stephanie, the GM of Smackdown, comes out first. Dang I forgot how hot she could be. The crowd is HUGE here and it looks great. Also the ramp is freaking huge as it takes her almost 30 seconds to get to the ring at regular speed. She actually does a decent job of hyping the crowd which is impressive.

Rikishi vs. Rico

The loser has to kiss up to the winner. Ok then. Stephanie dances with Rikishi on the way to the ring. Could we just watch that for a few hours instead?  Rico is still just the stylist here and isn’t the flamboyant character yet.  The fat man’s leg is taped up here for no explained reason. The crowd is great here. Maybe a minute and a half in Rikishi goes for the Rump Shaker but Rico gets out of the way. Rikishi was supposed to be this big deal on Smackdown but he never really was. Rico misses a moonsault (looked perfect by the way) and a Samoan Drop ends it.

This was VERY short, not even breaking 3 minutes. Rikishi gives him a Stink Face which counts as kissing I guess. Rikishi gets some kids into the ring and dances with them. That’s always cool.

Rating: N/A. This was too short to be anything but it did a great job of getting the crowd which was already hot even hotter which is what an opener is supposed to do. This did its job and I’ve always had a soft spot for Rico. The guy was on the roster for like 3 years and he always gave it his all despite having a horrible gimmick. That’s all you can ask for and I can always respect it.

We see a video of Nidia and Jamie Noble going surfing. There is really no point to this as it’s not funny or interesting or anything like that, but I guess the culture thing is ok. Jamie Noble wearing glasses is different.

Cruiserweight Title: Jamie Noble vs. Hurricane

Noble is champion and a heel here, despite us watching him talk about how beautiful scenery is in a total non-kayfabe interview. I don’t get that. What was the point if they’re not in character or anything like that? Hurricane goes for the chokeslam but it doesn’t work.

Nidia kisses him for no apparent reason other than to distract him. Cole and Taz talk about Australian Rules Football and Taz more or less could care less. That was kind of funny. Instead of a cover, Nidia kisses Noble. Sure why not? You can tell the announcers could care less about the censors or whatever as a lot of their jokes are sex related etc. I can’t imagine Vince is watching or anything like that so there we are.

I love that jumping neckbreaker that Helms does. Helms just goes insane with some cool offense and Noble is in trouble. Something a lot of you might not know is that Noble used to be the ROH World Champion and I think Punk beat him to win the title. There’s a different one.

Vertebreaker doesn’t connect but a Northern Lights from Noble gets two. Hurricane hits a swinging neckbreaker from the top which looked great. Nidia comes up on the apron and Noble wins with a backslide of all things. Hurricane hits a chokeslam on Noble after the match.

Rating: B-. This started really slow and then went WAY up very fast. They just let loose out there and it worked very well. This is what the cruiserweight division should have been about but it just never clicked. And then a leprechaun got the belt. Sure why not. Anyway, this was a great match after the first minute or two, but the predictable ending hurt it.

Christian and Lance Storm and some other guys go to the zoo. Angle gets called a bugger. Angle plays with a dog which is amusing. He talks about loving animals and wants to ride a giraffe. This is FAR better than the surfing thing as Angle is an interesting person and stays in character here for the most part. In other news, Christian tries to feed a kangaroo and Angle calls him Jay. His real name is Jason, so that’s WEIRD to head. He also says the words babyface and heel. What have I stumbled onto?

Tag Titles: Christian/Lance Storm vs. Rey Mysterio/Billy Kidman

I’m pretty sure there were only one set of tag titles at this point. This is Raw vs. Smackdown actually with the champions, the Canadians, being from Raw. Kidman has some awesome music here. Yeah there is just one set of belts at this point. The Smackdown ones would be introduced about two and a half months after this in late October.

Rey is WAY over. We get a little history of Rey, including why he has a crown on his mask: Rey means King, hence his name meaning King of Mystery or Mystery King. Kidman and Storm start us off so I can’t complain. Taz talks about Christian’s history of tag team success and Cole comes from out of NOWHERE with some story about going to an oyster bar. Cole is being more annoying and random than usual here which is saying a lot.

Christian apparently wanted to come to the original ECW and Taz might have said no to him. Well that’s interesting. That came from commentary. I told you they’re being different here. Storm and Christian suck apparently. Storm hooks a modified crossface chickenwing.

I’ve always liked Storm’s work especially in ECW. Kidman gets the hot tag and takes over. There’s a belt in the ring along with all four guys. Christian takes a 619 and then Storm takes a SWEET double team assisted rana from Rey. Just a ton of crazy high spots here but Storm hits Kidman in the head with the title for the pin.

Rating: C+. Not bad here especially with the insane high spots near the end. This was what you would expect from a match like this on this kind of card though. No one expected a title change but that’s fine. It came off well and did what it was supposed to do so I can’t complain much there. This worked fine.

Kidman, Torrie and Edge go sight seeing. Torrie goes shopping. Kidman goes shopping. Edge goes shopping. This is riveting. And then they eat cake.

Chris Jericho vs. Edge

This works. Jericho is heel and Edge is face here I believe. Yeah that’s right. This is Raw vs. Smackdown also with Edge being on Smackdown. Edge was on the verge of a HUGE push here and had it not been for HHH and Shawn might have won the first Elimination Chamber.

The original plan had been for him to jump during the show and take someone’s spot to beat HHH for the title. HHH decided against it and thought Shawn should win the title. Dang that match ticked me off and that was before I knew about the Edge thing. SWEET GOODNESS Edge is popular here. He was the hottest thing in the world at this point and is filming everything here. The fans think Jericho is a wanker.

Jericho gets on the mic and yells at the fans for being rude to him before the match which is always a nice touch. Jericho is tied up in the ropes so I have a good feeling about this match. Taz keeps complaining about being stuck in his hotel room eating panda salad. The commentary on this show really is good. Cole goes on a rant about the taxis being clean in Melbourne. You can tell there’s no Vince yelling in their ears as they’re far looser here and it’s very nice.

Tazz wants to know if Cole has ever tried a vertical suplex on himself in his hotel room. There goes the turnbuckle pad. Cole says he wants to be unbiased. Given the Danielson angle, that’s very funny. Edge gets ALL FIRED UP and Jericho is in trouble. He gets a sitout Gordbuster from the top for two. Sweet looking move there.

Edge spears the referee by mistake and it’s chair time. They go through their finishers and the second spear from Edge only gets two. Ah there’s your chair to Edge’s throat. The Lionsault hits but only gets two. Yeah I’m stunned too. We go WAY old school with a slingshot into the exposed buckle and an Edge-O-Matic for two.

This is very solid stuff here. Jericho goes for the Walls but gets rolled up for the pin. Nice ending but a bit sudden. Jericho throws a fit afterwards which is an old standard for him. Edge climbs up a light tower and soaks in the crowd, which is indeed huge.

Rating: B-. Seriously, did you expect this to not be good? It was missing a little something but that’s fine. This was a great use of about 12 minutes and it worked out fine. Edge continues to be just freaking awesome here as you would expect him to be. Edge was going to be a huge star and if he hadn’t hurt his neck there was no telling how big.

We see highlights from the Fan Frenzy event which is like Access but not as big. These are always cool. Stacy Keibler is too pretty if that’s possible.

Val Venis is here. He’s likely the referee for the Bra and Panties match. Ah make that ring announcer. Well he can talk so that’s all that matters here. He uses the standard going down line which his voice is perfect for.

Torrie Wilson vs. Stacy Keibler

Torrie ties her up to start as this isn’t very interesting.  They do the spot with the referee where they roll onto him and there go HIS pants. And here’s Nidia for no apparent reason. Torrie “fight” them off and pulls Nidia’s shorts off. Torrie wins.

Rating: N/A. They made no secret here about what this was which is fine as it filled about 8 minutes or so.

We see highlights of a charity dinner for families with members that have cancer. There’s an auction too which is always cool. I’ll never make fun of charity stuff.

Undisputed Title: Brock Lesnar vs. The Rock vs. HHH

If I remember right, this is the last time HHH and the Rock were in the same ring. Hogan was supposed to be in this but bailed at the last minute. Last night at the charity dinner there were large paintings auctioned off and the third was of Hogan, not Lesnar. Brock was about two weeks from winning the world title, so the outcome here is pretty clear.

HHH is a heel here, having beaten up Shawn recently. No mention is made of Summerslam, which is odd. HHH vs. Lesnar is one heck of a staredown. That was supposed to be the main event of Mania 21 but Lesnar left. We got HHH vs. Batista instead so I can live with that I guess.

This doesn’t make sense: HHH had been revealed as the guy that put Shawn through the window, and he’s definitely over as a face here. Was Australian TV behind, as that happened about two weeks prior to this. That’s very odd. Ok Hogan was supposed to be in this but Brock hurt him, hence his absence. Ok then, at least that makes sense.

Wow it’s weird seeing Rock and HHH working together even for a few seconds. Pretty much they’re just competing to get in the last strike here which is kind of boring. HHH and Brock work together and Norcal smiles. Dang Brock can throw a freaking clothesline. Brock and Rock botch something and we hit the floor. Heyman jumps Rock and even Taz wants Heyman beaten down.

The two lighter skinned guys go at it in the ring with Brock dominating. Brock sets Rock for the F5 and for no apparent reason HHH interrupts it and goes for the Pedigree. So instead of letting Brock both use energy and take Rock out, HHH decides to do it himself. And remember: he’s BRILLIANT. HHH is busted open and Brock gets the bear hug. Rock takes a Pedigree but Brock makes the save. HHH takes an F5 for I think the only time ever.

Brock kicks out of the Elbow as this is pretty good. I love how Rock takes the F5. HHH of course makes the save. Notice right there that Brock kicked out of the Elbow but Rock had to be saved. Subtle but important. Then he kicks out of the PEDIGREE. Sweet GOODNESS he was pushed hard. HHH argues with the referee and walks into the Rock Bottom for Rock to retain. We’re off the air maybe 10 seconds after that, but the pin happened so it’s all good.

Rating: B-. This was fine for what it was. There was no way Rock would lose here, but they gave him an actual threat and that’s all they really needed to do I think. For the main event of a glorified house show, this came off great. Brock looked like a freaking MONSTER which was the point and Rock retains. HHH was a great placeholder, although there was zero mention of Shawn which was just odd. Still though, decent match and fine for the main event.

Overall Rating: B. This is on an adjusted scale since this wasn’t put on American TV until 24/7 came into existence so it’s not like it was supposed to be a huge show. Like I said earlier, this was a glorified house show but it was still good. There’s some decent wrestling and the matches made sense.

There’s a nice flow to it and a solid main event, so what more can you ask for? Considering how far away Australia is from America, this is a rare treat for the fans there and in front of this large of a crowd, this was a fine show. There’s really nothing worth going out of your way to see, but it’s not bad for a little under two hours.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 2001 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $4 at:

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