Today we’re looking at the greatest heel commentator of all time: Jesse Ventura.

Ventura got his start in 1975 but we’ll pick things up on March 14, 1982 in MSG.

Bob Backlund vs. Jesse Ventura

Ventura is more or less a copy of Billy Graham minus the in ring skill and some of the muscle mass. Ivan Putski, a Polish wrestler, is guest referee here for reasons not explained by the commentary. Ventura, nicknamed the Body, shoves Backlund into the corner a few times and poses. Jesse tries to do it again but the champion is too fast for him, tripping up Ventura and sending him to the floor.

Back in and Backlund pounds away on Backlund’s ribs but it doesn’t seem to have much effect. A slap to the back of Backlund only gets a glare from the champion and Jesse is mad. Backlund starts hammering away and drives an elbow into Jesse’s face before cranking on the arm a bit. Ventura finally gets in a shot of his own and takes over, stepping on Backlund’s throat. The champion is sent into the corner and Jesse chokes even more, showing off the variety of offense that he has in his arsenal.

Putski finally pulls the cheating Body off of Bob so Jesse pounds away at the champion’s head. Backlund fights back with some shots to the head before the two of them collide with Jesse falling on top for two. Jesse chokes away even more and gets a very slow count from Putski. Even the usually neutral McMahon is complaining about the speed. Ventura puts Backlund over his shoulder in the Body Breaker (a backbreaker) but Backlund escapes and falls on top for two. Bob escapes a second attempt and rolls up Ventura for a fast count and the pin to retain.

Rating: D. This was a rather uninteresting match which is the problem with most of Backlund’s matches: unless he’s against a top level talent, he isn’t able to bring people up to the next level. The match was boring for the most part with Ventura only choking and Backlund using very basic offense to make his comeback for the pin.

Jesse was a big deal in the AWA so here’s a fairly big match from Turkey Day Turmoil on December 25, 1982.

Jesse Ventura vs. Hulk Hogan

Jesse bails to the floor to start and then bails some more. Back in and Jesse actually takes over by cranking on the arm and punching at the ribs. The arm gets snapped over the top rope and Jesse keeps the pace as slow as possible. Back in and we hit the wristlock again with Jesse pulling Hogan down by the hair like a villain should. The sequence works so well that they do it again and Jesse sits there to pull on the arm. He snaps it across the top rope again before putting on a hammerlock.

Another snap across the top as we’re somehow nine minutes into this. Jesse wraps the arm around the top rope and walks around a lot but Hogan starts shaking. Ventura dives into a bearhug and Hulk rams him into the buckles. Now it’s Jesse’s turn to have his arm wrapped around the ropes and snapped down. A back elbow puts Jesse on the floor and they fight over a chair for the double DQ.

Rating: D. This took its sweet time to get going but Hogan made up for it by doing the same stuff to the arm that Jesse did to him. To be fair though, Ventura was never known for his in ring abilities and this was a good example of why. It wasn’t a good match or anything but Hogan made the people care.

Still in the AWA for Super Sunday 1983.

Jesse Ventura/Blackjack Lanza/Ken Patera vs. High Fliers/Rick Martel

The High Fliers are Greg Gagne and Jim Brunzell and they’re the tag champions. The heels (Ventura’s team) has Heenan managing them. Martel vs. Patera gets us going. Patera tries to draw him into the corner but Martel is BRILLIANT (Gene Okerlund said so) and wants to keep it in the middle. This is power vs. speed and Martel snaps off some armdrags. Martel takes him down and works on, say it with me, the arm.

Off to Brunzell for some fresh arm work and an atomic drop. Back to the arm and it’s off to Ventura, who is called Mr. V. here. Brunzell grabs the arm and it’s off to Gagne who comes off the middle rope onto the arm again. Ventura easily picks him up and carries Gagne to the corner and brings in Lanza. The size difference here is huge but it doesn’t last long as Martel comes in and is a house of fire.

Martel drags Lanza into the corner but does it so slowly that Ventura falls into the ring from reaching so much. Patera comes back in as does Brunzell and the power man pulls the Flier into the corner. Off to Ventura for a bearhug. Things break down and Gagne comes in to beat up everyone. Martel comes in to help and the Heenan Family is in trouble. Gagne puts a sleeper on Patera but Ventrua makes the save.

It settles down with Lanza and Gagne and Lanza drives his knuckles into the side of Gagne’s head ala Sgt. Slaughter in 1991. Ventura comes in and hits a backbreaker for two. Gagne gets the tag to Martel but the referee doesn’t see it. I’ve always loved that sequence for some reason. Off to Patera for the bearhug again and Gagne is in big trouble. Gagne escapes with a kind of Thesz Press and sends Lanza into the corner and makes another hot tag to Martel.

Rick misses a dropkick and it’s back to Patera for a suplex for two as Brunzell makes the save. Lanza interferes to break up a potential hot tag and comes in legally, only to get kicked in the face so we can get the actual hot tag to Brunzell. He hits his signature dropkick and puts on a Figure Four, called an Indian Deathlock. Everything breaks down and Heenan gets up on the apron, only to get knocked back down again.

Things settle down again and it’s Brunzell backdropping Patera to set up another Deathlock attempt. Patera breaks it up and everything breaks down again. Somewhere in there Patera pins Brunzell as it’s possible that there was a foreign object sent in there by Heenan when he was on the apron.

Rating: B-. This isn’t something that everyone is going to like but I was getting into it by the end. They had every face in there getting beaten down at different times as well as a lot of hot tags. The fans were staying in this too and it was by far and away the best match of the night so far. The High Fliers were exactly what their name said and it worked pretty well for the most part. Good match here.

Still in the AWA at some point in 1984.

Jesse Ventura/Mr. Saito vs. Baron Von Raschke/Kenny Jay

Saito and Jay start things off but it’s quickly off to Baron vs. Jesse. The Baron drops Ventura ribs first over the top rope so it’s back to Saito for some shots to the ribs. Jay comes in to help his partner and walks into a Russian legsweep from Saito. Jesse drops some elbows on the back of Jay’s head before tying him in the Tree of Woe.

Baron comes over for the ave like the wild man that he is and beats up Saito with ease. He follows up on Jesse by ramming him into the buckle over and over before slapping on his Claw hold. Now it’s Saito making a save and Jesse pops back up to slug away at Baron. There’s the over the shoulder backbreaker with Saito coming in with a top rope chop. Baron is busted open and some other guys come in for the save, drawing a DQ.

Rating: D+. The Baron’s energy made this one a lot better and Jesse was just kind of a background character. The ending made the heels look great though and that’s why you have someone get busted open like this. On top of that they kept things quick here instead of letting it drag like the Hogan match.

Off to the WWF with Jesse appearing on the infamous Black Saturday show.

Jesse Ventura vs. Chris Curtis

We’re in Minneapolis here but Jesse is billed from San Diego. He gets a roar anyway as you would expect. Gene and Gorilla are the commentators. The electronic scoreboard says that there’s a car with its lights on. That’s like something out of a joke for some reason. Jesse yells at a Minnesota Viking in the front row.

We start the match and Jesse wastes time. This was his trademark at the time along with all kinds of colors. Jesse keeps yelling at the football player. Again we know nothing about Jesse other than he wears a lot of colorful stuff. Jesse’s offense is very generic to put it nicely. Curtis gets some offense in but runs into a knee in the corner to end that completely. Body Vice (over the shoulder back breaker submission) is the academic win. Another squash.

Rating: N/A. Just a long squash with no context or anything at all like that. Jesse of course dominated and there was no rhyme or reason to it. Jesse is just some dude that beat up a jobber and we know nothing about what he’s done or currently is doing or anything like that. That seems to be a theme here.

Here he is in MSG on August 24, 1984 in one of Jesse’s biggest feuds.

Jesse Ventura vs. Ivan Putski

Putski jumps Ventura on the entrance and the fans are actually waking up a bit here. Ventura hides on the floor for a bit before going back in, only to be shoved right back to the outside. Ivan hooks a headlock and pounds on Jesse’s head a bit before kicking him to the floor again. Back in (again) and Ivan grabs Jesse by the beard to pound away on him even more. Ventura rolls to the floor again as the stalling continues.

The Body puts a top wristlock on the much shorter Ivan and pulls him to the mat by the hair, meaning we can lay around again! Putski fights up and knocks Jesse to the floor but Ventura gets in a shot on the way back inside. Jesse pulls out some kind of foreign object to choke Ivan but of course doesn’t get caught. Ivan steals it away and clotheslines Jesse with it before choking as well. The referee seems to be fine with this. They head to the apron with Jesse hitting him in the throat and getting back in for a countout win.

Rating: F+. You wouldn’t believe this match was twelve minutes long would you? Jesse was a master at doing absolutely nothing in a match but still getting booed and this was no exception. Putski continues to be one of the most worthless wrestlers I’ve ever seen, as he has nothing of note at all and the match was incredibly boring.

We’ll jump ahead a bit more to March 17, 1985.

Junkyard Dog/Andre the Giant/Jimmy Snuka vs. John Studd/Ken Patera/Jesse Ventura

This is two weeks before Wrestlemania and in MSG. Isn’t that pushing things pretty close together? Dog vs. Patera gets us going and the fans are already into it. Andre is in quickly and the dominance begins. Patera is knocked all over the place and Heenan tries to calm him down. Off to JYD again and Patera can barely stand up. Andre runs Patera off again and it all breaks down pretty quickly.

The heels take over and it’s off to Jesse who uses his usual stuff. In kind of a surprise, Jesse tries to ram Dog’s head into the buckle and it works as well as it always does. Here comes Snuka and the fans go crazy. Jesse gets in a shot though and the heels take over. Studd comes in and Andre wants a piece of him but has to wait a few weeks. Off to a bearhug to Snuka and the heels use the old switcheroo to bring back Patera.

Jesse comes in and we complete the trio of bearhugs. Back to Studd who bearhugs him as well. The place is going to erupt when Andre comes in. Jimmy breaks the hold and tags Andre. I was right about the place erupting. It’s a battle of the giants but Patera breaks up the slam. Studd runs and it’s off to Jesse. Everything breaks down and Snuka splashes Jesse for the pin while Andre runs interference.

Rating: D. Very boring match for the most part but the MSG reactions for Andre and Snuka were just great. Those two could do no wrong back then, which is probably what made the heel turn for Andre work so well. Boring match but a good ending which helped it a little bit. The Superfly Splash is always worth seeing.

From MSG on May 20, 1985.

Jesse Ventura vs. Tony Garea

Jesse takes forever to get ready, taking off his earrings very slowly. They get going and Jesse hits him twice to put him down. That‘s more than enough cause for some posing isn‘t it? I‘ve heard a lot of people say Jesse‘s in ring stuff isn‘t that good and I think they‘re onto something. Jesse keeps hitting him in the kidneys and then denying it to the referee.

Now Garea hits Jesse in his own kidneys and then grabs a wristlock. Make that an armbar as we up the difficulty. The announcers imply that Jesse stuffs his tights. To make his legs look bigger you sick freaks. Get your minds out of Jesse‘s crotch. Garea is sent into the ropes and Jesse tosses him over, getting Garea‘s head and neck tied up between them. I know I‘ve seen this before.

After some brief pounding by Jesse, Garea takes over again with some weak stuff. This match is going WAY longer than is should have already. An abdominal stretch doesn‘t work but a sunset flip gets two. Garea misses a charge into the corner and Jesse drops a simple elbow for the pin.

Rating: D-. What was the point of this going about 8 minutes again? Nothing to see here and I don‘t know why this was on there in the first place. Jesse isn‘t much in the ring but he‘s had better matches than this I‘m sure. If not I feel bad for his career. Pretty boring match but the head in the ropes spot looked cool.

Still from the world’s most famous arena on November 13, 1985.

Randy Savage/Jesse Ventura vs. Mario Mancini/Mike Rice

Ventura drives Mancini into the corner for some right hands before it’s off to Savage to start the beatdown. Savage kicks him in the back of the head and pulls Mancini in to stay on the beating. Jesse slams Mancini down and the flying elbow is enough for the pin.

Here’s one of Jesse’s most high profile (and last) matches. From Saturday Night’s Main Event IV.

Jesse Ventura/Roddy Piper/Bob Orton vs. Cousin Luke/Uncle Elmer/Hillbilly Jim

Jim is the most talented of the face hillbilly team. What does that tell you? Piper and Orton say funny things about the hillbillies. He was a total master on the mic in this era. The hillbillies say generic hillbilly stuff. The mat is dark gray and the ropes are mixed up, as in they go blue, red then white. It’s weirder than it sounds. Also, the ring looks TINY. Uncle Elmer and Ventura start. Elmer is REALLY fat.

Wow it’s odd hearing Heenan from this era. It really is. He’s a totally different commentator. He’s still his usual jerky self, but his voice sounds different to put it mildly. Luke…sucks. That’s all there is to it. I mean he sucks HARD. Naturally he gets beaten down for the majority of the match. Piper was still moving in the ring at this time and was far better at wrestling than he was given credit for.

Jesse’s wrestling was underrated. He knew how to sell and could work a crowd really well. Luke gets his head handed to him for a good while. We get the classic ref doesn’t see the tag spot which is one of the easiest ways in the world to get heat on someone. Piper beats up Uncle Elmer, who is like 6’7 and close to 500lbs on his own. It’s rather amusing. We get a melee and after a cast shot to Luke, Piper puts him to sleep to end a glorified squash.

Rating: D. Weak stuff here but like I said, I’d expect a lot of that. There was heat from the crowd, but when the third best in ring guy is Hillbilly Jim, it’s a bad sign. This just didn’t work and felt weak. Jesse wouldn’t be around much longer due to issues from exposure to Agent Orange in Vietnam. Elmer and Luke would be gone because……well I think you get the idea.

We’ll wrap it up with Ventura getting a title shot on February 9, 1986.

Intercontinental Title: Jesse Ventura vs. Tito Santana

Interesting point to start: we’re told that Jesse and Adonis held the tag titles. They did, but they were the AWA tag titles. They said this regularly but it wasn’t something you expect to hear. I think this is in Toronto. Jesse complains about the closed fist because that’s what heels do before punching their opponents. He calls Santana Chico which is always awesome. Jesse keeps getting caught in holds and heading for the ropes.

Time for a wristlock as the fans are almost all behind Jesse. They pop for Tito’s reversal as well though so I guess the Canadians are confused here. Off to a headlock but Jesse gets a knee to the ribs to take over. Out to the floor now and it’s confirmed that we’re in Toronto. Jesse’s offense is pretty basic but he knows how to work a crowd like a master which is more important.

Tito gets in a few punches but Ventura pokes him in the eye to stop him. Win if you can, lose if you must but always cheat. Backbreaker gets two and an atomic drop does the same. Here’s a bearhug which makes sense given the back work that was done earlier. Tito smacks him in the head to escape. Gorilla: “Look at that firey Mexican!” Tito grabs the Figure Four but Jesse gets the rope. They fight up the ramp and Tito puts the Figure Four on out there but Jesse kicks him into the ring for the countout win.

Rating: C. Not bad here but it worked for the most part. It was actually a double countout if you care. This was fine for a house show title defense, especially with someone like Jesse who was a rarity to see in the ring at this point. He knew how to work a crowd but the people loved him which is the right idea.

In the words of Mick Foley, Jesse was a great talent but not inside a ring. People remember him as the heel commentator that ripped on Hogan every chance he got and that’s quite the career to have. Ventura is one of the most interesting people you’ll ever find and wrestling is just a small part of that. Listen to him instead of watching him though.

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Monday Nitro #190
Date: May 31, 1999
Location: Astrodome, Houston, Texas
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone

We’re two weeks away from the Great American Bash and the main event is still dominating the card. Thankfully we’re getting some development on the rest of the card and hopefully the rise of Benoit and Malenko up the card as the new young stars of the company. Well Malenko is pushing 40 at this point so he can only be so young but you get the idea. Let’s get to it.

We open with Raven arriving at the arena but getting attacked by Bigelow and Page in the parking lot. They throw him into a dumpster and slam the lid on his head.

Recap of last week with Piper beating up Flair and the Horsemen turning on their leader.

We see Tank Abbott getting into it with Rick Steiner on Thunder.

The announcers do their thing.

DJ Ran.

Here’s Eddie Guerrero for the first time this year after a horrible car wreck. The announcers welcome him back and show us some photos of Eddie’s totaled car. Eddie lists off his injuries and hopes to be back soon. He’ll be doing some commentary to start things off.

Hak vs. Kidman

Hak has to lose the weapons to start and Kidman actually tries to make it a wrestling match. I can’t imagine it staying that way but it’s nice to pretend for a bit. They stay on the mat for a bit with Kidman holding a headscissors…and now let’s hear from Tank Abbott and his goons about how being in a cage is hardcore. He has history being in a cage you see, and he’s going to referee the TV Title match tonight.

We cut back to the match with Kidman taking over again with a dropkick. Chastity gets on the apron with a chair, allowing Hak to send Kidman face first into the steel. It’s weapons time now as I guess this was a hardcore match the whole time. Kidman is whipped into the ladder but avoids a Swanton through the table. He loads up the Shooting Star but here’s Hugh Morrus to shove him off, somehow drawing a no contest in a hardcore match.

Rating: D. There was some decent wrestling to start but then we went to the hardcore stuff and a Tank Abbott promo because we can’t do that at some other point. I don’t know why they insist on wasting Kidman on something like this when he’s capable of having good matches with any talented guy you throw at him.

Brian Knobs comes out to beat up Hak.

Flair is in his office and orders eight women to his room tonight. JJ Dillon says Savage’s elbow is officially banned. So what else can he actually do?

Clip of Steiner and Abbott on Thunder.

Eddie thanks the fans and Bischoff for believing in him.

Here are Bigelow and Page with something to say. Page rips on the fans and says he knew it was wrong to put Hogan out with a knee injury. He tried to apologize but last week Hogan knocked him out with a crutch as he was leaving. Bigelow and Page threaten to put Hogan on the permanent injured list before turning their attention to Raven and Saturn. They took the trash out earlier and now don’t want to wait for the Great American Bash for their title shot.

Kanyon is going to take Raven’s place in the Tag Team Title match tonight.

DJ Ran doesn’t like Curt Hennig not liking hip hop. Oh geez they’re going to have him advance stories now?

Curt Hennig comes out to the commentary desk and insists that rap is crap. Hennig likes country music better and is going to go sing a country song at DJ Ran’s booth. Bobby Duncum Jr. comes out to sing with Curt and they belt out Blame It On Texas. It’s not really singing as much as it is rhythmic talking but they’re trying. Konnan and Mysterio come out in their Astros jerseys for the save. A tag match is made for later.

We look at Hennig and Konnan brawling last week. Wouldn’t this fit better before the previous segment?

Van Hammer vs. Evan Karagias

Evan gets hammered on to start and is quickly put in a Tree of Woe. He avoids a charge though and grabs a headlock, only to be shoved away and shouldered down. A headscissors takes Hammer over but he counters another attempt with a hot shot. Hammer plants him with a backbreaker and Vader clothesline for two before putting on an abdominal stretch. Evan actually hiptosses the big guy over, only to get caught in a delayed vertical suplex. Hammer gets taken down again and a high cross body gets two, but he grabs the cobra clutch slam for a quick pin.

Rating: D. Hammer really needs something besides the cobra clutch slam. That’s a move that almost anyone could do and while it’s decent for a power guy, he needs to do something that looks a lot more devastating. Or we could just not have Hammer on TV and see how well that works for us.

Here’s Piper to say God bless America and talk about the Horsemen breaking up last week. He calls Flair a gelding and asks Malenko to come out here for a chat. Piper praises Dean as the best cruiserweight of all time but Dean doesn’t say anything. He takes the mic and says that Flair walked out on the Horsemen and last week was just them responding.

This brings out Flair and Anderson but Dean cuts them off and says the Horsemen weren’t supposed to be about feeding Flair’s ego. WCW needs to be about passing the torch and letting the younger guys get their chance on top. Flair says he hasn’t met anyone worth passing the torch to yet. Dean goes to Arn and says last week he promised to have Arn’s back anywhere, but that was last week. Piper and Flair get in a fight and Flair runs away. Natrually that’s the focus instead of Anderson and Malenko because it’s Flair and Piper.

Nitro Girls.

Eric Bischoff joins commentary for no apparent reason.

Konnan/Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Curt Hennig/Bobby Duncum Jr.

So much for Rey defending against Kidman, at least for now it seems. Konnan and Rey wear what appear to be prison uniforms. The cowboys try to sing a little bit but get dropkicked in the back to start fast. Mysterio dropkicks Curt’s leg and shouts WEST SIDE on the middle rope. Hennig and Duncum are knocked out to the floor for a breather as Bischoff praises Rey. Back in and Hennig nails Mysterio in the ribs with a right hand before it’s off to Duncum for a shoulder breaker.

Back to Hennig who whips Rey across for the Bret Hart chest first bump to the buckle. The cowboys keep up the fast tagging with Bobby throwing Mysterio around like a rag doll. Mysterio nails a quick dropkick to Hennig and slides between Curt’s legs for the hot tag to Konnan and a genuine eruption from the crowd. There’s the Tequila Sunrise on Hennig but Duncum breaks it up with the cowbell for the DQ.

Rating: D+. It’s another culture clash feud but at least most of the guys in it are worth watching. Duncum had potential to be good but the cowboy thing was only going to take him so far at this point. It’s not a bad match but I groaned at the cowbell ending. WCW was so obsessed with getting rid of the southern identity but they have that around?

Konnan gets hogtied post match.

Here’s Savage on his own with something to say. He talks about Nash being on his way to the arena when Madusa comes out to say Nash is here. Savage calls Nash out for later in another segment that didn’t need to be in the arena.

Page and Bigelow are in the back, standing over an unconscious Kanyon.

David Flair vs. Erik Watts

Holy sweet mother of goodness they can’t be serious. Bischoff just buries both guys, saying Erik got his push because of his dad and that David absolutely sucks. Well he had to be right at some point. He even says that his son would have a winning record if he was in charge. There were warning signs of Garrett Bischoff coming and no one stopped him??? Erik hammers away to start and clotheslines Flair out to the floor. He rams David into the buckle a few times and yells at Papa Flair.

David manages to avoid a dropkick and tries the Figure Four, only to get kicked out to the floor. A suplex brings him back in for two and Watts starts picking him up every time. David is tortured with a Rock Bottom, pumphandle slam and chinlock slam. He loads up another Rock Bottom but Anderson sneaks in for a spinebuster to give David the pin.

Rating: N/A. I can’t rate this because I can’t help but laugh. This is the kind of match that you see on lists of the worst possible matches you could imagine. Like, you say this as a joke instead of something that could actually happen. That’s what we’re dealing with here because WCW actually did it. Raw could be airing a midget Brawl For All against this and it might not be as stupid an idea.

Video on Nash vs. Savage.

Buff tells Flair he wants Savage again tonight but is given a suitable replacement: Bobby Eaton. Buff: “Does he even work here anymore?” Either way, Bagwell promises to hurt him tonight.

Ernest Miller comes out to call out Norton for a fight. Well at least that’s what I think he’s saying as Bischoff keeps talking about how the company in New York is beating them right now and he’s partially to blame. Anyway here’s Norton and we get a bell.

The Cat vs. Scott Norton

Norton immediately nails Cat with a headbutt and knocks him for a loop. He hammers away in the corner as we see the Black and White laughing in the locker room. With Cat down in the corner, Sonny slips him a crowbar to knock Norton silly for the surprise pin.

The Black and White runs out of the locker room.

Here are Savage and the girls again because we haven’t seen enough of them. Well ok that’s true in George’s case. Nothing is said before Nash’s music comes on and here’s…..a tall guy in drag wearing a replica belt. Savage says this is a match so we get a bell, allowing Savage and the girls to get in shots, such as a top rope hurricanrana from Miss Madness and a middle rope elbow from George. Savage drops the banned top rope elbow for a pin before celebrating with the belt. Again, is there a point to this or are we supposed to draw our own conclusions? For some reason Bischoff thinks Miss Madness is a man.

Nitro Girls.

Recap of Bagwell beating Savage by DQ on Thunder. That would be the second time Bagwell beat Savage by DQ on Thunder.

Buff Bagwell vs. Bobby Eaton

For some reason Bischoff goes on a rant about how worthless Jesse Ventura was on commentary. Eaton hammers away to start and goes after Bagwell’s face, only to get monkey flipped and dropkicked to slow him down. Two boots in the corner stop a charging Eaton and a clothesline drops him for two. Buff misses a charge and falls to the floor before taking a swinging neckbreaker in the ring. Bischoff keeps up his tirade by ripping on Bagwell for no apparent reason before switching over to Konnan. Buff comes back with a suplex and hiptoss followed by the Blockbuster for the pin.

We look at Raven getting taken out earlier.

Tag Team Titles: Saturn vs. Bam Bam Bigelow/Diamond Dallas Page

Bischoff calls Page one of the biggest mistake he’s made in WCW. Saturn grabs a mic and says he’ll keep the titles by himself tonight. Page calls Saturn stupider than he looks. Bigelow gets things going for the only team in the match and shoves Saturn down with ease. A shoulder block does the same as Bischoff hypes up Tank being in the cage tonight. Saturn comes back with a springboard cross body to Bigelow and a belly to belly to Page. Some clotheslines put the challengers on the floor and we take a break.

Back with Bigelow getting in a knee from the apron, allowing Page to clothesline Saturn down to take over. It’s back to Bigelow for a falling headbutt and a two count before the discus lariat gets two for Page. A Batista Bomb gets two more and things slow down a bit. Page comes back in with a top rope clothesline for another two and we hit the chinlock.

Bam Bam comes in off the top but misses the swan dive. Saturn superkicks both guys down and sends the challengers into each other. The Death Valley Driver gets two on Page and there’s one for Bigelow as well. Cue Kanyon to stand in the wrong corner and get the hot tag, but Page hits him once for the pin and the titles.

Rating: C. Well it’s clear that something is coming with the booking but again with the young and talented teams losing the belts so fast. Did they really have to change the titles in just a few weeks? They couldn’t have waited for the pay per view? Page and Bigelow aren’t even an interesting team as they’re just two guys from Jersey. You wouldn’t see Norton and Hennig as a team because they’re both from Minnesota would you? At least the match was decent though.

Savage and the girls are trying to leave in the limo but it’s blocked by a septic truck. You can see it coming from here. Nash is driving, gets out, puts a hose in the sunroof and the villains gets sprayed. Nash says something about this portion of Nitro has been brought to you by Septic Services, for all your savage septic needs. Ok funny line.

DJ Ran.

The cage is lowered.

TV Title: Rick Steiner vs. Sting

In a cage with a roof, Steiner defending and Tank Abbott as the guest referee. Sting sends Rick head first into the cage to start and stomps away with Steiner not all that interested in selling tonight. The champ comes back with a low blow and hard right hands followed by an elbow drop. A dropkick sends Rick through the ropes and Sting rakes his face on the cage before hitting a Stinger Splash, driving Steiner against the steel.

Rick comes right back with a suplex and a ram into the cage of his own. We hit the chinlock as Tank just kind of walks around and doesn’t do anything of note. Sting fights up again and nails another dropkick as there isn’t a lot of energy for this match. Some clotheslines look to set up a splash but Rick raises his knees.

Sting slips off Steiner’s shoulders but can’t get a backslide. Instead he tries a very modified Gory Stretch, only to have Rick get to the cage to escape. Sting sends him into the corner for the Splash but Abbott pulls Steiner out of the way. Rick tapes Sting to the ropes as Tank leaves, meaning in two weeks, they’ve now ended a cage match and a battle royal in no contests.

Rating: D-. Holy sweet Christmas they’ve managed to screw up a cage match. For one thing, it’s WAY too early in this feud for a big gimmick match. On top of that, the match lasted less than eight minutes and was there to push Tank Abbott than for the match itself. The fact that it’s Rick Steiner refusing to sell ANYTHING makes sitting through this even worse. Horrible match here and even worse storytelling and decision making.

Abbott and his goons walk out to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. So let me get this straight: we had two and a half hours of Bischoff’s out there commentary, Tank Abbott screwing over Sting for a no contest in a cage match, a no contest in a hardcore match, Curt Hennig singing, more Flair vs. Piper and one of the worst possible matches in the history of wrestling. I know I’ve said this before, but it can’t possibly get any worse than this.

Now to be fair there’s some decent stuff in here, such as the Tag Team Title match and most of the Horsemen segment, but the bad just cripples anything the good can do for the show. The big story needs to actually go somewhere and that doesn’t seem to be happening anytime soon. It’s far more old vs. old with talk of the old vs. new not going anywhere. There’s still time, but we need to get there and actually fire up the company a bit.

This one should be self explanatory.

 

http://www.wrestlingrumors.net/kbs-review-shell-cell/30495/

Today is a wormy little guy: Scotty Too Hotty.

As usual I’ll be skipping his Too Cool matches and make this just about Scott.

Scotty debuted in late 1989 and we’ll pick things up on Raw, February 23, 1993.

Scott Taylor vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

A few shoulders run Scotty over but he comes back with a clothesline. Bigelow nails one of his own though and the squashing continues. Taylor escapes a vertical suplex but gets dropped with an electric chair. There’s a butterfly backbreaker followed by a pair of top rope headbutts to give Bigelow the pin.

From Raw on September 11, 1995.

Isaac Yankem DDS vs. Scott Taylor

The evil dentist hammers him into the corner to start and there’s a chokeslam for good measure. An over the back neckbreaker makes Scott scream and a gorilla press hot shot makes things even worse. A DDT is enough to end Taylor’s misery. Standard squash.

Here’s a match on Superstars on January 20, 1996.

Scott Taylor vs. Ringmaster

This is Austin’s second match in the company and joined in progress after a break. Austin chokes away on the ropes and hits a release gutwrench suplex. A fireman’s carry gutbuster puts Taylor down again and Austin talks a lot of trash. He doesn’t want the pin yet though and slaps on the Million Dollar Dream for the win. You can see A LOT of empty seats as the camera zooms in.

We’ll jump ahead to just before the Too Cool era, starting on Raw, July 13, 1998. They’re still heels here and called Too Much.

Kai En Tai vs. Too Much/Taka Michinoku

Too Much starts fast and hits a Hart Attack on Funaki. Off to Togo who gets suplexed by Scotty. Taka comes in to speed things up and calls for the Michinoku Driver. Kai En Tai continues their speed stuff to stop Taka but he makes the tag to Brian. A powerbomb puts Togo down and Too Much uses some double teaming to get two. Scotty uses the Worm’s grandfather but Togo moves. A moonsault gets two for Dick. Taka and Scott get in an argument, resulting in Scotty taking a senton backsplash to end this. Not enough to grade but it was mostly a mess.

We’ll jump ahead to Backlash 2000 with Scotty challenging for the Light Heavyweight Title.

Light Heavyweight Title: Scotty 2 Hotty vs. Dean Malenko

Dean is champion and this is Scotty’s rematch I believe. Scotty dances with Lillian pre-match. Scotty starts off fast with some near falls. Belly to back puts Dean down and Scotty nips up into the Moonwalk. He sets for the bulldog to set up the Worm but Dean clotheslines him down instead. Dean, the heel, tries to get the buckle pad off but can’t quite get it. He rams Scotty into the buckle anyway and we head outside.

A dropkick to the knee gets two and Dean works the leg over a bit. After a quick leg lock he wraps it around the post a few times. Back to the leg lock and then a leg lace. Dean hits a knee crusher but Scotty comes back with an enziguri. That gets him nowhere so it’s back to the knee by Dean. He tries a spinning toehold but Scotty kicks him into the corner and rolls him up for two.

Malenko kicks at the knee again but then charges at Scotty, sending both of them out to the floor. Back in Dean hits a superplex to put both guys down. Dean is up first but walks into a backslide for two. Scotty bulldogs him down and it’s Worm time! That gets two so Malenko rolls him up with feet on the ropes for two. Things are speeding way up. Tiger Bomb gets two for Dean and he’s frustrated.

Scotty comes back at him again but walks into a powerslam for two. He tries to put Dean on the apron but gets guillotined down on the top rope. Malenko goes up top but Scotty pops him with a right hand. Scotty goes up for a superplex but Dean counters in mid air into a DDT. FREAKING OW MAN and Dean retains. SICK counter.

Rating: B. Malenko is awesome but unfortunately he never quite did anything of note in the WWF. The Light Heavyweight Title was almost exclusively defended on the late night weekend shows which meant that most people didn’t know the title was around or who held it. Dean would hold it until a few weeks before the next Wrestlemania. This was a really good match though and that ending is GREAT.

Time for a six man at Summerslam 2000.

Right to Censor vs. Too Cool/Rikishi

Too Cool and Rikishi are WAY over at this point and even won the tag titles over the summer. The RTC is Richards/Goodfather/Bull Buchanan at this point. Some of Goodfather’s former women come out with Rikishi, one of which would become known as Victoria. It’s a big brawl to start until we get Scotty pounding on Buchanan. Hotty backflips over Buchanan and pulls him down before getting two off a high cross body. Off to Sexay for a double suplex before Goodfather comes in and falls to the floor. He shoves Victoria down before punching Sexay in the face to take over.

Buchanan gets in some shots of his own and it’s off to Richards for his cheap shots. A powerbomb gets two and JR sounds stunned. Steven gets crotched on top and superplexed down allowing for the hot tag to Rikishi. The fat man cleans house and Victoria throws Richards back in the ring. The RTC is sent into the corner with Too Cool being launched into all of them at once, but Bull gets in a quick ax kick to take the Samoan down. Scotty loads up the Worm but Steven kicks his head off for the pin.

Rating: C. Basic six man tag here to get the crowd going. A fast paced act like Too Cool and Rikishi is always a great choice to start up a show as the crowd gets fired up for the entrance and hopefully stays hot for the rest of the show. The RTC was a fine choice for a heel stable as they took away what the fans wanted to see and the people were glad to see them get beaten up.

Time for the Alliance Era on Raw, August 20, 2001.

APA/Scotty 2 Hotty/Big Show/Spike Dudley/Billy Gunn vs. Dudley Boys/Chuck Palumbo/Sean O’Haire/Hugh Morrus/Tommy Dreamer

There are twelve in this if you don’t feel like counting. Farrooq vs. Palumbo to start things off. Quickly off to Sean and Scotty. I wouldn’t expect any long segments in this match. Morrus and Dreamer try to double team Hotty but get taken down by a double clothesline. Here’s Gunn who gets caught in What’s Up but the APA saves. Bradshaw pounds on Tommy and Spike adds a double stomp off the top.

Dreamer catches Spike in a half crab but it’s off to Bubba for some power. A HUGH double flapjack gets two for D-Von. Morrus comes in and walks into a Dudley Dog. Show comes in and everything breaks down. It’s finishers all around for the next minute or so, ending with Show killing Dreamer with the chokeslam for the win.

Rating: C-. This was a big mess but the parade of finishers is always fun to see. It makes no sense as why wouldn’t they use those all the time, but it’s always cool to see. This was really the only way to get most of the people on the roster onto the shows, especially before the Brand Split, which really was a good thing.

Off to England for Rebellion 2001.

Scotty 2 Hotty vs. The Hurricane

Heyman’s intro for Hurricane is great stuff. Basic stuff to start so far with nothing really going on early on. Hurricane (Gregory/Shane Helms) is in the Alliance here. This is just going nowhere at all. The bulldog to set up the Worm is blocked. Crowd is more or less dead here. Helms gets a Blockbuster for two.

We get what’s called a Ne-Han in No Mercy from the Hurricane. You cross the other guy’s arms in an X shape and pull back on them like a camel clutch. And then Hurricane lets it go to put on his cape. And so much for that as Scotty gets a DDT and both guys are down. and both guys are down. Kick by Scotty gets two.

Hurricane does a Worm of his own which doesn’t work. Chokeslam gets two. A rollup with ropes gets two. Eye of the Hurricane is blocked into the bulldog and there’s the Worm. I hate that move. Since it’s a chop to the neck after the other guy has forever to get better, it gets the in.

Rating: D. This match sucked. It was just boring on all accounts and the fans could tell. This should have been a dark match so of course they let it go on the actual show. Scotty was over for absolutely no apparent reason. This went nowhere at all and was boring beyond belief. Also, the freaking Worm got the pin. Get on to something else.

Scotty’s next partner was the Hip Hop Hippo Albert. Here they are on Raw, March 4, 2002.

Scotty 2 Hotty/Albert vs. Test/Mr. Perfect

What a strange heel team. Test says Perfect is his partner for the fans or something like that. It’s not Booker due to him being in the match earlier. Albert vs. Perfect to get us going. Test comes in without his tag being seen so Test beats on him instead. Perfect comes in but can’t Perfectplex him and there’s the tag to Scotty. No one, I mean no one, cares. Everything breaks down and Scotty loads up the Worm on Test….and then he walks into a Perfectplex for the win. This was nothing.

After returning from neck surgery, Scotty and Rikishi would hook up as a team, including this match on Smackdown, December 3, 2003.

Rikishi/Scotty 2 Hotty vs. Basham Brothers

The Bashams are tag champions but this is non-title. Shaniqua is with the Bashams and is the dominatrix to their…..whatever the term for that kind of person is. Danny jumps Rikishi to start and manages to avoid the Samoan Drop. Rikishi drops down onto the chest though and Basham is in trouble quickly. Off to Scotty and now it’s Doug in trouble. Shaniqua trips Scotty behind the referee’s back but is sent out for her efforts. Doug hits a Vader Bomb Elbow for two.

Off to Danny who works on the back and neck some more. The Bashams hit a double flapjack and a double nipup (nice) for two. Doug hooks an abdominal stretch but Scotty escapes and manages to get the tag to the fat man. Rikishi cleans house and sets for a Stinkface but Shaniqua comes back and the twins switch. Rikishi gets hit low but Scotty hits the Worm on Doug. Samoan Drop to Danny gets the pin.

Rating: C-. Not a bad match here but I never was huge on Rikishi and Scotty as a team. The Bashams were the flavor of the month of the tag teams and the dominatrix thing never worked that well because no one cared about Linda (who drops two very audible F Bombs in her berating of them post match). Rikishi and Scotty would get the titles in two months.

They would win the Smackdown Tag Team Titles and defend then in a four way at Wrestlemania XX.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Too Cool vs. Basham Brothers vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team vs. APA

That would be Scotty and Rikishi who are defending coming in. One fall to a finish again. Bradshaw and Shelton start things off with the Texan taking him down with a shoulder and getting two off an elbow drop. Doug Basham comes in to beat up Shelton now and it’s off to Danny. Shelton tags in Haas for a slam onto Haas’ knee in a cool spot. Scotty comes in to fight Charlie as this is going nowhere.

In another creative spot, Scotty skins the cat but lands in the Shelton jumps over Charlie’s back to land on Scotty for two. Charlie tags off to Doug for a kick to Scotty’s face. The hot tag brings in Rikishi to clean house and knocks Shelton to the floor to break up the German suplex. Charlie gets a Stinkface and Bradshaw launches Doug to the floor with a fallaway slam. There’s the Clothesline to Danny but Bradshaw walks into a Samoan Drop. Rikishi sits on Danny to end it and retain.

Rating: D. Whatever man. Seriously, I wouldn’t have remembered this match if you put a gun to my head, just like with the other tag title match. They’re just not interesting at all and there was nothing here to remember at all. There needed to be just one set of tag belts at this point and these matches make it painfully obvious.

Smackdown – December 3, 2004

Wrestlemania XX

With Rikishi gone, Scotty became a jobber to the stars. Here he is on Smackdown, November 4, 2005.

Ken Kennedy vs. Scotty Too Hotty

Not even a Mr. yet. Kennedy quickly kicks him out to the floor for two back inside as this doesn’t look like it’s going to last long. We actually get a bearhug on Scotty until he makes a quick comeback. Tazz makes various jokes as Scotty gets crotched on the top, setting up the middle rope rolling fireman’s carry to stay undefeated.

Here he is in the signature match of the Cruiserweight division: total insanity. From No Way Out 2006.

Cruiserweight Title: Gregory Helms vs. Brian Kendrick vs. Funaki vs. Kid Kash vs. Nunzio vs. Paul London vs. Psicosis vs. Scotty Hotty vs. Super Crazy

Yeah it’s a 9 way match. Helms is champion and ran his mouth so this is his punishment. The intros take nearly five minutes. Thankfully some guys come out together. No tagging here and it’s one fall to a finish. Who wants to bet that Helms escapes with the title? He won it last month so yeah I’m thinking he’s keeping it. Helms hides on the floor while the other eight guys pound on each other.

The Mexicools hits stereo planchas to take out London and Kendrick. Helms finally gets in and they all jump him as he more or less said he was better than all of them. Obviously I can’t go through every spot and type it up here as it’s a huge mess the whole way through. There are WAY too many people in there and it’s just wasting time until we get to the ending sequence.

Helms and Kash go at it for a bit which gets us nowhere. Helms is sent to the floor as this continues to be six or seven guys lay down while two or three do stuff. Kash gets a sweet rana to take down Psicosis on the floor. Londrick takes out Nunzio and Funaki and then do it again off the top to those same two plus Scotty. Helms misses the Shining Wizard and Crazy gets a big spin kick for two.

London hits Helms with a senton back splash that crushes Helms’ face. London gets kicked in the face by Scotty who then has to do the Worm on Helms. The long wait allows Psicosis to break it up. That should teach Scotty but it won’t of course because he’s a stupid man. Dead Level (brainbuster, but looks like a suplex here) from Kash hits Psicosis but Crazy hits a moonsault out of nowhere. Helms steals the pin to retain. Wow how shocked I am at that.

Rating: C-. Total meh match here. These multi-man matches are supposed to be insane and all that jazz and for the most part they are, but dude, NINE PEOPLE? There’s no way to follow is and it’s the living definition of a match with no flow because you can’t have any. It was ok, but WAY too many people out there which brought it down a lot.

One of Scotty’s last WWE matches was on Smackdown, September 15, 2006.

Miz vs. Scotty Too Hotty

This is Miz’s third match on the roster and JBL already hates him. A hiptoss puts Scotty down and Miz grabs a hand for a high five. Scotty comes back with a hiptoss of his own and dances, only to be taken down with an armdrag. There’s a neckbreaker to drop Scotty and Miz chokes a lot to keep control. A spinning side slam gets two as JBL continues to crack me up with his rants against Miz. Scotty fights out of a chinlock and raises the roof but Miz rolls away before the Worm. Back in and a swinging neckbreaker is enough to pin Scotty. Cole: “That’s the Mizard of Oz.” JBL: “HE CAN’T NAME IT THAT!!!”

Rating: D+. Nothing to the match but man alive was JBL ripping Miz apart hilarious. When JBL gets on a roll and goes insane against something, he’s as entertaining of a commentator as you’re going to find today. Miz would of course get WAY better down the line, which I think would give JBL a mild heart attack.

After being released, Scotty would be brought back for the 15^th Anniversary of Raw.

15^th Anniversary Battle Royal

THE FINK does the intros. We’ve got Al Snow, Bart Gunn (man, where did they drag him out of?), DOINK THE CLOWN, Repo Man, Steve Blackman (in far better shape than he ever was when he was a regular), Pete Gas of the Mean Street Posse, BOB FREAKING BACKLUND (58 years old here and looking to be in better shape than most of the roster), Gangrel, Goon, Skinner, IRS, Flash Funk, Scotty 2 Hotty, Jim Neidhart, Sgt. Slaughter and Gillberg, who gets a full entrance with guards and pyro sticks and canned chants. That’s AWESOME. This is supposed to be a 15 man battle royal but there are 16 in it. Eh who cares?

Gillberg is ganged up on and tossed immediately. Backlund is out quickly and the point of this isn’t who wins but is just for fun. A Head shot by Snow puts Doink out. Same for Gangrel. HEAD CHEESE EXPLODES!!! Skinner is called a fabulous one (haha) and there go Bart, Flash and Blackman. Repo Man puts Goon out and Skinner puts Repo out. Final Four are Slaughter, IRS, Skinner and Scotty. IRS gets his briefcase but gets it knocked into his face so we can see the Worm. Skinner puts Scotty out but walks into the Cobra Clutch. Slaughter dumps Skinner but IRS dumps Slaughter in the same ending from X7’s Gimmick Battle Royal.

BUT WAIT! Here’s Ted DiBiase, who is officially in the battle royal also. However, he says that IRS has his price so IRS dives over the top, making DiBiase the winner! And that my friends, is why Ted DiBiase is better than your favorite heel. We even get the evil laugh! The match isn’t worth rating because that’s not the point. The ending made me smile a lot though.

After a few years in Europe, Scotty would make a one off appearance at NXT on August 15, 2012.

Heath Slater vs. Scotty 2 Hotty

Now there’s a name I didn’t think I’d be typing. Scotty looks slimmer than he used to but he’s in good shape. Slater grabs the arm to start but gets run over by a shoulder. Scotty pauses for a second before Slater charges into an armdrag. We stop again to raise the roof but Slater knocks him down to keep us in this century with the playing to the crowd. Off to a chinlock which is pretty quickly released. A neckbreaker gets two for Slater and he tries to throw Scotty to the floor but Scotty hangs on. The bulldog sets up the Worm for the pin at 3:53.

Rating: D+. The match was nothing of note but that wasn’t the point. Scotty is a fun character that people remember fondly so it’s hard to complain much about him coming in here to beat a jobber like Slater. There’s nothing wrong with throwing out something like this once in awhile and the match was fine.

We’ll wrap it up with Scott reuniting with Too Cool on Old School Raw, January 6, 2014.

3MB vs. Too Cool/Rikishi

This is as obvious of a match as you can get. Grandmaster and Jinder get things going with Grandmaster scoring with a quick dropkick. Off to Scotty who is still in good shape but gets punched down by McIntyre. Drew misses a charge in the corner and the bulldog sets up the WORM. Slater robs us of our gratification though and 3MB takes over again. The announcers spend the entire match arguing over whether Too Cool can be called the Hip Hop Twins, thereby making the whole thing about them instead of the legends.

Scotty clotheslines McIntyre down and makes the hot tag to Rikishi who looks incredibly slow. He does manage a superkick to Mahal for two but Slater makes the save. Rikishi clotheslines two Band members down and the Hip Hop Drop takes out McIntyre. Mahal tries a sunset flip on Rikishi but gets sat on for the pin at 5:24.

Rating: D+. The match sucked and the commentary was annoying, but this is exactly what modern nostalgia should be about. Too Cool is an act that’s old enough for people to reminisce but not old enough that they embarrass themselves in the ring. Nobody is hurt, the fans get to have a fun moment and everybody wins. Good stuff.

Scotty is a guy that had a very nice and long career which far exceeded what he probably should have done. The Worm became a big time crowd favorite and he was in one of the hottest acts in the company as a result. You couple that with his nice run after he and Christopher split and the fact that he’s been described as one of the nicest guys in wrestling make him a nice feel good story.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Today we have none other than the Sailing Superstar: Tugboat.

Fred Ottman started in 1984 and we’ll pick things up with the required stopover in Memphis on October 11, 1986.

Big Bubba vs. David Haskins

Bubba is just a generic big man character. He shoves Haskins down a few times to start before dropping a pair of legs. Bubba picks him up at two before finishing him with a clothesline and splash. Total squash.

Due to being Dusty Rhodes’ brother in law (seriously. So is Jerry Sags), Ottman got a spot in Dusty’s short lived PWF promotion, including in the main event of PWF Homecoming in March 1989.

PWF World Title: Big Steel Man vs. Dusty Rhodes

Big Steel Man is Tugboat/Typhoon/Shockmaster. Dusty comes out to Old Time Rock And Roll. Well at least he has good taste. Oh apparently Page is the manager of Big Steel Man. That sounds like something a 4 year old would come up with. Steel Man shoves Dusty around a lot to start. Dusty comes back with an elbow. That sequence took over a minute somehow. Dusty jumps (yes, jumps) into a bearhug two minutes into the match. This match is really looking down in a hurry.

Dusty elbows out of it and goes to the floor, only to have his shoulder rammed into the post. Back inside Steel Man works over the arm with a wristlock. The guy is 370lbs and he’s using a move that a cruiserweight could use. That’s not a compliment in this case. The arm goes into the buckle and Big Steel drops four legdrops in a row followed by a missed top rope splash. Dusty rolls over quickly and gets the pin and the title out of nowhere.

Rating: F. OH COME ON! After this horrible show, the big star’s match for the world title isn’t even eight minutes long? There was no build at all and the ending didn’t do anything for the crowd, as they didn’t have a chance to get ready. Also, Dusty looks like a weak champion as all he did was move out of the way instead of hitting a move of his own. Horrible main event to a terrible show.

It was off the WWF soon after this, with one of his earlier matches at Tugboat Thomas on January 2, 1990.

Tugboat Thomas vs. Iron Mike Sharpe

This is Tugboat’s debut. It’s also apparently from the pages of the WWF Magazine. Really? It seems to me to be from an arena that looks like Nashville, Tennessee. I think I smell a squash coming here. Sharpe runs into him and gets nothing. Vince and Jesse more or less spend the match talking about how big he is. Sharpe can’t get anything going other than jobber offense and the splash ends it in like three minutes. Total squash so no rating.

Here’s a similar idea on Superstars, September 2, 1990.

Tugboat vs. Iron Mike Sharpe

This is Tugboat’s return after being injured by Earthquake and Dino Bravo. Rose is almost as fat as Tugboat and looks totally unhealthy. Some shoulder blocks have no effect so Rose waddles over to the corner for some shots to the ribs. Tugboat whips him across the ring a few times before a slam sets up the big splash to hopefully squash some of the fat out of Rose.

Tugboat would get to be Hulk’s little buddy around this time, including at SNME XXVIII.

Rhythm and Blues vs. Hulk Hogan/Tugboat

Rhythm and Blues are Honky Tonk Man and Greg Valentine in a dumb tag team. Tugboat is here because he got the people to try to make Hogan feel better when he got hurt. Do you ever feel sorry for Fred Ottman? Can we buy this guy a decent gimmick? Not even a good one but a decent one? This goes exactly how you would expect it to: Hogan destroys them by himself and they bail.

This is about as weak of a match as you could ask for. Naturally Tugboat gets caught by a Valentine axe handle which he sells like a hatchet to the head. Vince says that Tugboat is beached. You know, like a whale. The Blowhole Kid dodges some elbows and gets Hogan in to clean house. Hogan goes for the legdrop but here come Earthquake and Bravo.

They don’t get to the ring or anything though. Back to the match after a commercial, Tugboat takes a guitar to the back for the DQ. Here comes your monster heel and it’s a big beatdown. Tugboat is off somewhere in search of a Twinkie. Tugboad FINALLY realizes he’s at work and pops Quake with the guitar to send them running.

Rating: D+. Again, just more of an angle than a match as no one cared about who won or lost here. This was just to set up more Survivor Series stuff which is fine I suppose, but at the same time I wish they could have had a better way of doing it. Not sure what that way would have been though.

Another match as the best friend at Survivor Series 1990.

Natural Disasters vs. Hulkamaniacs

Earthquake, Dino Bravo, Haku, Barbarian

Hulk Hogan, Big Bossman, Tugboat, Jim Duggan

There’s some actual drama here as Hogan had never beaten Earthquake before this and the other guys balance out somewhat well. Haku vs. Duggan start us off as the announcers talk about the Grand Finale. It’s such a different time when they automatically know who is going to be on what side. Today you would be waiting on the swerve. Duggan pounds away on Haku and a clothesline gets two.

Bravo and Barbarian come in to get some shots but it’s quickly off to Boss Man vs. Haku. Haku dropkicks him down for two but the Boss Man Slam puts Haku out quick. Barbarian comes in next and Boss Man runs him over. Heenan gets taken off the apron and Boss Man punches Barbarian a bit before walking into a suplex. Barbie misses a middle rope elbow and it’s off to Duggan vs. Bravo. Scratch that as Earthquake makes a blind tag and crushes Duggan in the corner. Duggan keeps trying to knock Quake down but Jimmy low bridges him. Duggan brings the board in with him and hits Quake for the DQ.

It’s Hogan vs. Earthquake but Hulk beats up all three guys because he can. Hogan easily slams Earthquake and fires off ten punches in the corner. Quake comes back with a powerslam and tags in Bravo who stomps away before getting small packaged for the pin. There’s the tag to Boss Man who hits his rapid fire punches in the corner. Boss Man goes up for a cross body and oh my goodness Earthquake caught him. That is SCARY. Hogan shoves Boss Man on top of him for two but Barbarian kicks Boss Man in the back to put him down. An elbow from Earthquake eliminates Boss Man.

Hogan vs. Quake again and Hulk tries to drop the big guy. Hulk tries another slam but can’t get Quake up. The third attempt results in Quake falling on Hogan for two. Hulk avoids an elbow and there’s the tag to Tugboat, causing everyone to shout TOOOOT which sounds like booing. Hogan pulls Earthquake to the floor and Quake and Tugboat get counted out. That leaves Hogan vs. Barbarian and the only thing I can think to say is “really?” Barbarian goes after Hogan on the floor and doesn’t hit a piledriver well at all. It gets two and they clothesline each other. Barbarian hits the top rope clothesline, Hulk Up, legdrop, done.

Rating: C-. This was a lot more fast paced and energetic than you would expect. The continued practice of just teasing the encounter that the match is based on is getting REALLY old though as I guess they want to preserve the house show draws, because who would want to see a feud continue after a single match right? My goodness have things changed in the last twenty years.

Tugboat was reaching the end of his usefulness but he could job a bit. From December 12, 1990.

Undertaker vs. Tugboat

This is the requested match. Really? This is WAY early in Taker’s career in WWF as Brother Love is his manager still. Battle of the big men here which means they stand around a lot. Taker tries a leap frog but they botch it completely as Tugboat stops running so Taker lands on him. He had the height for it so that’s on Tugboat. Tugger takes over and takes the taller man down a few times.

Taker onto offense now as things slow WAY down. He’s slower than he is now with all the injuries and barely ever wrestling. Hard to believe this is only eleven years ago. New School is blocked and a powerslam puts Taker down for no cover. The Sailing Superstar (yes really) misses a corner splash and Taker goes up, walks the rope (no hands) and drops a fist for the pin.

Rating: D+. Another weak match here as there wasn’t anything of note here. Taker did what he could but Tugboat was just worthless at this point and no one cared in the slightest about him. Rather boring match all around but some of Taker’s stuff looked cool, especially with him so young.

One more match as the best friend on Main Event V on February 1, 1991.

Hulk Hogan/Tugboat vs. Dino Bravo/Earthquake

Hogan gets a very solid pop and is the only one of the four to get a reaction at all. According to Vince, Quake and Bravo weigh about 1,300 pounds between them. Think Vince is a bit shaky here for some reason? That’s not rhetorical actually as he’s normally more composed than this. Hogan cleans house on Bravo to start. Bravo and Tugboat are in now and this isn’t going to be pretty.

Bravo actually gets an atomic drop and a very good one all things considered. Hogan vs. Quake now, which is a somewhat big feud still at this point. The slam hits on the first try which is something different for the bald one. Quake gets a nice jump kick that looked pretty good for a man his size. The boating enthusiast gets beaten down as we wait on Hogan to get the tag.

Megaphone to the head ends any momentum he had and we take a break. Warrior is still the symbol on the graphic despite having lost the title and not even being on the card here. The referee misses the tag after the break and Tugboat takes a double slam. Hogan blocks the flying fat drop and we get the hot tag finally. Oddly enough Hogan hits the boot on Bravo and rolls him up for the pin instead of the standard finish.

Rating: D+. Totally standard house show main event here. This wasn’t supposed to be anything epic at all and it definitely wasn’t. These shows were designed to get the top feuds on TV and on occasions like this one, ending the feuds once and for all since Hogan had nothing else to do with any of these guys after this. Nothing great at all but fine for what it was.

Time for a tag team run to hide his weaknesses. Tugboat turned on Hogan and became Earthquake’s partner Typhoon in the Natural Disasters. We’ll pick things up at Summerslam 1991.

Natural Disasters vs. Bushwhackers

Andre looks terrible here and would be dead in less than 18 months. The Whackers sneak up on the big men on the floor and poke them in the eyes. We finally start with Butch vs. Typhoon and the big man being bitten on the trunks. Earthquake tries to come in but splashes his own partner by mistake. A double clothesline puts Quake down and the Bushwhackers are in full control.

Earthquake finally realizes he weighs more than both Bushwhackers put together and pounds Butch down with a few shots to the back. Heenan makes an obscure Newhart reference as Quake slams Butch into the corner but misses an elbow drop to the back. The second attempt connects though and it’s off to Typhoon for more fat man offense.

Off to an over the shoulder backbreaker on Butch which transitions into a bearhug by Earthquake. Heenan leaves to go find Hogan and embarrass him which we’ll get to later. Quake finally hits Typhoon with a clothesline by mistake as everything breaks down. The Bushwhackers hit Battering Rams on both Disasters but it’s finally the big men crushing Luke and the Earthquake for the pin.

Rating: D-. This was a waste of time and everyone knew it was going to be from the moment the bell rang. The Bushwhackers were the epitome of comedy bumpkins and there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m not sure why they picked them of all teams for Andre to back and the match was horrible.

Same idea but in an elimination format with partners…..maybe it’s not the same idea. From Survivor Series 1991.

Legion of Doom/Big Boss Man vs. IRS/Natural Disasters

This is your main event people. Let that sink in for a minute. The LOD are the tag champions and IRS and Boss Man are having a worthless midcard feud. Boss Man and IRS start things off with the tax dude (if you need help figuring out who that is you’re beyond my help) getting thrown all over the place. Off to Animal vs. Earthquake which fires the crowd up a bit.

They collide and Animal’s cross body is caught in a backbreaker in an impressive display of strength from Quake. Back to IRS to face Hawk with the latter working on the arm. Typhoon gets the tag, only to have IRS thrown at him by Hawk. Off to Earthquake who carries Hawk to the heel corner. IRS and Boss Man come in again and it’s a briefcase shot to Boss Man’s head for the elimination.

It’s Typhoon vs. Animal now and the Disasters double team Animal in the corner. Quake suplexes him down as Monsoon talks about Bobo Brazil. IRS hits a top rope right hand for two and Typhoon puts on a bearhug. Animal escapes and hits a clothesline before tagging in Hawk. IRS misses a briefcase shot to the head and hits Typhoon by mistake, giving Hawk the easy pin.

Quake wants to fight IRS now but walks off with Typhoon instead, making it the LOD vs. IRS. Hawk powerslams IRS down but a charge goes shoulder first into the post. Hawk gets sent face first into the steps as we continue to fill time by having IRS look like he has a chance. We hit the chinlock as the announcers talk about Thanksgiving dinner. Not hot tag brings in Animal who cleans whatever is left in the house. IRS tries to walk out but runs into Boss Man in the aisle. Hawk hits a top rope clothesline for the win.

Rating: D+. We go from Hogan vs. Andre II to this in five years? That should give you a good idea as to what you’ve got going on with this show. The match was nothing and there was no reason to get excited about it, because the whole reason the match was happening had been postponed to Tuesday. In Texas.

After a face turn it was time to go after the Tag Team Titles. From Wrestlemania VIII.

Tag Titles: Money Inc. vs. Natural Disasters

Money Inc. is defending and is comprised of Ted DiBiase and I.R.S. DiBiase and Earthquake start things off with the heels (Money Inc.) getting beaten down and the rich man being knocked to the floor. Off to Typhoon vs. I.R.S. For osme arm work by the big guy. Typhoon misses a charge into the corner and it’s off to DiBiase….who is immediately beaten down as well. Typhoon misses a splash against the ropes and falls over the top and out to the floor.

I.R.S. cranks on a front facelock for a bit as Ted hits an ax handle off the middle rope for two. A double clothesline puts both guys down as this match is DRAGGING. Everything breaks down and the challengers take over. A clothesline puts DiBiase on the floor and there’s the big splash from Typhoon. Jimmy Hart pulls Irwin out to break up the Earthquake splash and the champions walk out to retain the titles.

Rating: D-. I have no idea what the point of this was. The match wasn’t entertaining, it wasn’t good, and the match didn’t accomplish anything. I’m guessing this was supposed to be filler between the other matches, but we already had one of those and that’s what we’re about to get next. Nothing to see here at all.

Here’s something a bit more worth seeing. From July 20, 1992.

Tag Titles: Money Inc. vs. Natural Disasters

Don’t you see the connection here? This would be before Mania as Jimmy is with DiBiase and IRS here, despite being with Hogan and Beefcake earlier. Yeah that’s not confusing at all. Irwin’s promo implies this is after April 15 but that wouldn’t add up at all so maybe that’s an error. The champions, Money Inc, tries to leave before the match starts but that gets nowhere. Typhoon and DiBiase start us off.

Everyone goes in there at once and the fat guys do nothing but corner splashes for about two minutes. They follow this up with a BIG splash, just to add some variety. They try it again and Quake misses and hits the floor. No earthquake from it but whatever. DiBiase chokes him with a rope from somewhere. Nothing of note going on here as it’s mainly just punches and kicks.

LONG beatdown segment on Earthquake as the heels do their evil deeds. Crowd is relatively dead here until Quake hits a hiptoss and STILL doesn’t make the tag. We get a comparison of Earthquake to Undertaker which is a matchup that could have been interesting if the timing had been right. Quake was getting to the point of not mattering when Taker arrived.

Tag by Quake doesn’t count since the referee didn’t see it. Double clothesline by Quake as Hart is described as a monkey on helium. Hot tag to Typhoon and the crowd wakes up a little bit. Everything breaks down and the referee tries to get Hart out of the ring. IRS blasts DiBiase in the face with the briefcase and Earthquake drops an elbow….FOR THE PIN? This actually looks like the title change and with nothing else happening…yeah that was a title change.

Rating: D+. Boring match but the crowd popped for the title change, I think due to shock more than anything else. This was their only title reign as they would lose the belts back to Money Inc in about three months. The match was pretty bad but a title change back then was always a good thing. This was a house show mind you, so it’s not like this was well known or anything, making it an actual rarity.

Now for a title defense at Summerslam 1992.

Tag Titles: Natural Disasters vs. Beverly Brothers

The Brothers are managed by the Genius and are challenging here. Genius messes up his poem by getting some dates wrong but the fans are already cheering for the fat champions anyway. The challengers try to jump the big guys early on but the champions take their heads off with clotheslines. Both Brothers (Beau and Blake) are crushed in a fat man sandwich, leaving us with Typhoon to start against Blake.

Typhoon pounds away on the smaller man but Blake manages to lift him up for a slam. He can’t turn it over but it was a nice try at least. Everything breaks down for a few seconds until we’re back to more Disaster dominance. Quake accidentally splashes Typhoon in the corner and the ocean themed guy is down. The Brothers double team Typhoon with a splash but he launches Beau to the floor on the kickout.

Hang on a second: Shawn Michaels has left Wembley Stadium!

Back to the match with Blake hitting a middle rope headbutt for a delayed two. Beau holds Typhoon on the ropes so Blake can jump on his back in a move later used by Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin. The Brothers take turns pounding on Typhoon and draw Earthquake in, allowing them to double team Typhoon even more. A headbutt gets two for Blake and it’s off to a front facelock.

Typhoon finally makes a tag but the referee doesn’t see it, likely due to being bored by the match so far. Beau drops an ax handle onto Typhoon’s back but the big man FINALLY clotheslines both Beverlies down but stops to slam Beau instead of tagging out. Blake dropkicks his brother into a cross body on Typhoon for two and Quake has had enough. His save attempt is broken up by Genius’ metal scroll to Typhoon’s back as this match just keeps going. Quake breaks up he cover and gets the hot tag to clean house. A powerslam and the Earthquake are enough to retain the titles.

Rating: D. This just wouldn’t stop as the Brothers got WAY too much offense in here. The problem is the same as it was last year: there was no doubt as to who was walking out with the belts and that makes for a rather boring match. Also, the Beverlies are pretty average size guys so there’s only so much they can do against people like the Disasters.

It was off to WCW after this as……*gulp*……the SHOCKMASTER! If you somehow don’t know what that is, go look it up and see the perils of stupid costumes, fat guys and live television. From Fall Brawl 1993.

Sting/Shockmaster/Davey Boy Smith/Dustin Rhodes vs. Vader/Harlem Heat/Sid Vicious

WarGames again. This is the mother of all gimmick matches in WCW and something that a lot of people with they would bring back in WWE, me being one of them. The idea is it’s 4 on 4 in a double cage match. Two people start us off, one from each team. They go at it for five minutes and then we have a coin toss (the heels will win). The winning team gets to send in another man for a 2-1 advantage. That last two minutes and then the losing team gets to send in its second man. After two more minutes the winning team gets to send in its third. You alternate until everyone is in and it’s first submission wins.

Harlem Heat are Kane and Kole here but I’ll be calling them by their more famous names. Vader is the other world champion here, the WCW World Champion. Animal is advising the faces here for no apparent reason. Dustin has really bad ribs here. Shockmaster is the hilariously infamous falling man that is more famous as Typhoon/Tugboat. Dustin starts without his partners wanting him to and gets Vader.

Dustin hammers Vader down surprisingly enough and pulls his boot off to beat on Vader even more. Well it’s resourceful if nothing else. Dustin is able to fight Vader off as well as anyone else has been able to do in a very long time. His ribs end that run though and there’s the Vader Bomb. Remember that you can’t end the match until after everyone is in the ring. That’s a great rule that makes sure there’s additional violence.

Rhodes fights back AGAIN and puts Vader down. That could be a heck of a Clash of the Champions main event actually. More boot shots (with the boot itself mind you, not a foot in it) to the head of Vader and Dustin is surprisingly in control. The heels win the coin toss which I literally think was a perfect record for them over the years. Dustin counters a dive off the top by Vader into a powerslam in a nice move.

Kane (Stevie Ray) comes in second. Dustin tries to fight them off but Vader gets a shot in to the ribs to take him down almost immediately. A minute in (remember everything now is just two minutes) and Dustin is in trouble. I’m not entirely sure why they sent in Vader so soon but whatever. Sting comes in but Vader and Stevie wait on him by the door like smart people would do.

2-1 is nothing for Sting though as he fights both guys off. I could watch Sting vs. Vader all day. Dustin is back up but is bleeding badly. His grandma is here tonight. Dusty’s mom is here. Let that sink in for a bit. Vader is sent into the cage and stumbles into the cameraman in a funny moment. Sid comes in to fight Sting in an old rivalry. Chokeslam takes Sting down and it’s all Sid.

The pops Sting gets for even the most basic moves are amazing. Vader and Sid ram Sting into the top of the cage for fun. With thirty seconds left it’s going to be the Bulldog in next. Yes Tugboat is batting cleanup. Davey comes in and Sid jumps him immediately. He fights off Sid and Vader by himself. He was a straight up tough guy in WCW if you haven’t seen any of his stuff there. In a nice touch Sting and Bulldog do to Sid what Vader and Sid did to Sting moments ago.

Kole (Booker T) comes in so there’s just Shocky left to come. Everyone is in one ring so that ring is completely overcrowded. The announcers make fun of Shockmaster falling which is funny stuff. They finally split up a bit and the match gets more interesting as a result. Sting takes down Stevie but hurts himself in the process. Sid gets caught in a Figure Four but here’s Shockmaster to even us up. Tony: Hey he made it through!

He’s bigger than Vader which isn’t something you often see. He beats up everyone in sight and after just over a minute and a half he throws Booker in a bearhug and it’s over. Wow so Typhoon beat a multiple time multiple time multiple time multiple time multiple time world champion? Sweet goodness man.

Rating: C. That’s bad for a WarGames match mind you. It’s ok, but the lack of starpower kind of hurts this here. Sid is an afterthought and Vader got beaten down like a fat jobber. Dustin Rhodes looked the most impressive out there which is odd as all goodness. This was kind of weak and did nothing to set up the next shows or anything. Shockmaster was gone almost immediately after this and no one cared.

Another match at Halloween Havoc 1993.

Ice Train/Charlie Norris/Shockmaster vs. Harlem Heat/Equalizer

Harlem Heat are known as Kane and Kole (Stevie and Booker respectively) and are by far the most talented guys in there. The face team (listed first) is perhaps the least talented group of three men ever assembled and that covers a lot. Shockmaster is the guy that fell over, Ice Train is a big muscular black guy and Norris is an Indian. Equalizer is not very good.

Ice Train and Stevie start us off. 2 Cold Scorpio and Marcus Bagwell are tag champions apparently. Train runs through him but surprisingly enough there’s no tag. Train can more or less do nothing at all. Off to Stevie now and Norris as well. Stevie gets his arm worked on as I’m bored already. Shocky comes in to a pop for no apparent reason. He drops some legs on the arm as we hear about his agility. Oh dear.

Harlem Heat use nefarious means to take down Ice Train as I guess he’s the face in peril. Still no Equalizer at this point. Oh great here he comes. That’s EXACTLY what I wanted to see. This is of course boring and the most interesting thing we hear is that Yoshi Kwan has been replaced by Paul Orndorff in his match with Ricky Steamboat.

Shockmaster, called Uncle Fred here, comes in to beat up Equalizer. The fans chant whoomp there it is to tick me off. Norris in now but down he goes anyway. END THIS PLEASE!!! Booker misses a splash and it’s off to Shockmaster. He locks a bearhug on Booker and falls on him for the pin to THANKFULLY end this.

Rating: F+. Do I need to explain to you why this was terrible? Other than Booker T, Tugboat was the best worker in the entire match. Absolutely terrible, FAR too long at nearly 10 minutes and absolutely nothing special in the slightest about it. At least it’s over though and that keeps me sane

We’ll wrap it up at Clash of the Champions XXV with a singles match.

Equalizer vs. Shockmaster

Yes, he somehow kept a job after falling through a wall. Shockmaster looks like a construction worker now but the announcers crack jokes about him falling down all the way to the ring. Equalizer jumps him as Shockmaster gets inside and uses a wide assortment of forearm smashes and choking. The announcers tell us about something going on in the back with Rick Rude and promise an update later. Shockmaster comes back with a clothesline and a bearhug before falling down on Equalizer with the hold still on for the pin. This was nothing.

The more I think about it, the more I feel sorry for the guy. Yeah he was a one dimensional guy and very limited in the ring, but look at what he had to work with: Big Bubba, Big Steel Man, the Sailing Superstar, Typhoon and whatever the Shockmaster was supposed to be. No one could get those gimmicks over and it’s not fair to put the blame entirely on him for how they went. Some blame yes but not all of it.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: October 20, 2014
Location: Sprint Center, Kansas City, Missouri
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for the Cell and we have our double main event all set with Rollins vs. Ambrose in what should be the main event and the first ever rematch inside the Cell with Orton vs. Cena. Other than that there’s some well built but not very interesting stuff, but I’m not sure how well it’s going to hold up on Sunday. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week’s events setting up the pay per view.

The Cell is lowered to open the show and here’s the Authority minus Stephanie. With the Cell hanging above the ring, HHH welcomes us to the show and promises us a special episode tonight. For our main event, we’re seeing Kane/Orton/Rollins vs. Ambrose/Cena in a handicap street fight. Well at least there’s a twist now. HHH goes into the traditional speech about how the Cell changes you, even though the violence being toned down makes those lines sound so stupid.

Rollins takes the mic and talks about how much he likes the Mr. Money in the Bank moniker, but a YOU SOLD OUT chant cuts him off. He emphasizes that he’ll be beating Ambrose in the main event on Sunday, but Orton says the real main event will have people involved longer than a cup of coffee.

Orton promises to end the rivalry once and for all (didn’t he already do that?), but HHH cuts him off as well, saying that it’s a double main event. We’re going to one up the Orton vs. Cena match because the winner is getting a World Title shot at some point in the future. Orton gets some cheap heat on the Kansas City Royals and we get Kane’s corner pyro to end the speeches.

We recap Mizdown imitating Sheamus on Main Event and getting a Brogue Kick for his efforts.

Sheamus/Usos vs. Miz/Goldust/Stardust

Why do I bother watching Smackdown again? Miz vs. Sheamus for the title is official for Sunday. Miz swaps out for Mizdow to start so at least it’s something different.

Sheamus/Usos vs. Damien Mizdow/Goldust/Stardust

Miz jumps in on commentary as the Usos start in on Stardust. Jimmy nails a hard kick to the face for two and it’s already off to Goldust. The heels take over on Jimmy in the corner and get him down to the mat with Stardust kicking him to the floor. We take a break and come back with Goldust slamming Jimmy down for two. Mizdow comes in and tries the running corner clothesline but runs into a boot to the face.

Stardust still won’t let the hot tag and we look at Miz several times. Jimmy scores with a kick to the head and the double tag brings in Sheamus and Mizdow. The champ cleans house but Mizdow snaps his throat across the top to break up the ten forearms. Sheamus powerslams Mizdow but walks into the same from Goldust as everything breaks down. The Usos dive on Goldust, only to have Stardust dive on all of them. Sheamus throws Mizdow onto the pile and Brogue Kicks Stardust, allowing Mizdow to roll him up for the pin (with trunks) at 9:40. Miz: “I WON!”

Rating: D+. Well at least it was something different. The match wasn’t any good though and it’s mainly because we’ve seen this same idea so many times. It drives me crazy that the only way to get to a title match is the same combination over and over again in multi-man matches. Have the Usos or the Dusts fight other teams and do a run-in or something. There are so many ways to get to a match but it’s just the same stuff over and over again. It’s rather tiring. Also: you couldn’t have an Uso take this pin? It just had to be the US Champion?

Orton comes in and thanks HHH for the chance to face Lesnar so he can headline Wrestlemania again. HHH likes the idea but says Seth came up with making Orton vs. Cena for a title shot. Orton is confused but says he’ll go thank Rollins.

Long Wyatt video talking about the Family being free and then Bray saying he’ll never be free but She told him he’ll never be alone. It’s coming.

AJ Lee vs. Alicia Fox

Non-title but AJ is defending against Paige on Sunday. Again. That will be their fifth singles match since the day after Wrestlemania. To put this in context, Lita and Trish fought each other twelve times in over six years. Fox runs her over to start but walks into a sunset flip for two. A big boot puts AJ down for two and the perfect northern lights suplex gets the same.

Fox plants her with a nice tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two more but she spends too much time posing, allowing AJ to start her comeback. AJ is now the One Girl Revolution because even she has to have a slogan. Alicia gets knocked to the floor….and rammed into the barricade by Paige. The champ yells at Paige, allowing Fox to roll her up for the pin at 4:16, because all titles other than the WWE Title mean absolutely nothing.

Rating: D. This match just made me mad. Let’s see: another champion loses via rollup, we’re setting up the fifth match between Paige and AJ in six months, Paige’s “mind games” stopped being interesting months ago, and Alicia’s win probably won’t take her anywhere. What good came from this match?

Orton comes in to see Rollins and Seth says don’t worry about what he did, but Randy is still confused. Apparently it was just being a team player, but Orton tells him to mind his ownbusiness. Rollins talks about how Orton can beat Cena, win the title and then the future just takes care of itself. Did I mention he’s holding the briefcase?

Here’s Orton to the ring for a chat. He talks about being in the Cell (which has been hanging over the ring all night for a nice visual) with Cena before and how they’ve been rivals for twelve years now. Cena was the punk kid from Boston but Orton was third generation wrestling royalty. The fans cheer for Orton so he goes after the Royals again for an easy save. I know people are going to say it’s cheap heat (even I did earlier), but that was a smart move as the fans are always going to boo someone going after their hometown team and it got them off the Orton train for a bit.

Orton talks about the great rivals of the years, such as Piper vs. Hogan, Hart vs. Michaels, Rock vs. Austin and now Orton vs. Cena. He beats John at the Rumble earlier this year and now he’s going to do it again. Orton has never cared about hustle, loyalty and respect and he’ll never fight for what is good.

This brings out Cena to tell Orton to shut up and call Orton a gifted moron. He rips on Orton for talking about the old times and sucks up to Kansas City (again, smart) as we start a baseball discussion. Being in the World Series and winning are two different things, just like Orton being in the match on Sunday. Cena wants to fight the Beast and he’ll see him on Orton’s face this Sunday.

Cue Heyman to call this rewritten history laughable. The class of 2002 featured Randy Orton, John Cena, and the Next Big Thing Brock Lesnar. Brock won the title from the Rock at Summerslam 2002 and is still champion in 2014. Heyman looks up at the Cell and says these two will have the chance to define their legacies (what does that even mean anymore?), but his client has no equal.

The winner of the match on Sunday is the ultimate loser, because he has to face a beast. Heyman has always respected Orton and he may want the title back, but he wants no part of Lesnar. Cena on the other hand wants both the title and the Beast, which makes him a crazy man. John loads Heyman up for the AA but puts him down and takes the RKO. Heyman is pleased but takes the RKO as well to a mixed reaction.

We recap Rusev vs. Big Show from last week, resulting in Henry and Big Show surrounding the Russian for the KO Punch.

Rusev vs. Big E.

Remember when this was a big deal? They do the power lockup to start until Rusev takes him into the corner for some kicks to the ribs. E. comes back with the Vader body attack to send Rusev to the floor, followed by the barricade. Back in and Rusev puts on a front facelock but Big E. powers up. We get an awkward looking sequence where Big E. didn’t seem to be in the right place, capped off by a spinwheel kick to send us to a commercial. Back with E. charging into the kick to the face and the Accolade for the submission at 7:49. The part after the break was about 30 seconds long.

Rating: D. Total squash here to make me sad because I like Big E. He’s the latest victim of the writers and Vince playing with a toy for a few months and then throwing him away for the latest thing. That being said, he can do a good job of making guys like Rusev look good. Nothing to see here other than Lana of course.

Lana calls Big Show a circus freak and loads up the Russian flag but it doesn’t come down. Show pops up on screen and the American flag comes down instead. Rusev goes to pull it down but a “fan” wearing military gear comes in and gets kicked in the face.

Post break Big Show is in the ring with the flag still hanging and an angry look on his face. He finally says you never disrespect an American soldier. Rusev has his attention now because Big Show is an American giant and on Sunday, his fifteen minutes are up. He doesn’t want to wait for Sunday though so Rusev can come out here right now. The Russians don’t come so Show goes to find them. Good promo here that didn’t get overly hammy.

Show goes to the back and asks a backstage worker where Rusev’s room is. Apparently it’s the door marked Rusev so Show kicks it in and finds a suit jacket and bags. Nothing to see here, literally.

Ambrose is eating popcorn and watching a movie when Cena comes in. John wants to know what’s going on. “Just watching See No Evil 2 starring Kane.” They’re going to be a team tonight even though they don’t like each other. Ambrose compares it to Batman and Superman because Cena has a great American jaw. Now Dean may be undefeated in contract on a pole matches, but handicap street fights are his specialty. He’s going to hit everything he can and take down as many as he can. Cena is cool with that but thinks Ambrose is more Joker than Batman. Dean: “Why so serious?”

Stephanie has won some award about Dwight Eisenhower.

Brie Bella vs. Summer Rae

We’re getting serious here: pale pink vs. hot pink. Brie sends her into the corner to start as Nikki is watching in the back. Summer gets two off a clothesline and we hit the chinlock. Bella finally breaks it up with an armdrag after wasting a minute of our time. We get the basic face comeback and BRIE MODE! Summer avoids a middle rope dropkick, gets caught in a second attempt and the Bella Buster is good for the pin at 3:42, meaning we get to hear the most obnoxious song opening in years.

Rating: F. A minute long chinlock in a four minute match. The Divas are just a disaster at this point with Paige vs. AJ having a ridiculously overhyped feud (it started good and now it’s just the same stuff for months on end) and Brie Bella as the only thing resembling a face in the division. How bad can this actu…..I’m not finishing that question because it can somehow get worse.

Here’s Ambrose with a big bag over his shoulders. He sets a chair in the ring and looks up at the Cell, saying he’s been dreaming about getting his hands on Rollins. This Sunday he gets the half hair dyed Power Rangers suit wearing sellout inside the Cell. Dean goes to the bag and pulls out….a Seth Rollins mannequin. He sits it in the chair and says that Rollins never liked getting his hands dirty, so the first thing he’ll do in the Cell is rip off Seth’s arms. That’s exactly what he does to the mannequin before screwing it over just like Seth did to him, although Dean uses a screwdriver.

Then he hammers (using a hammer as you should be getting the idea by now) the point home and talks about what he saw (hand saw in this case) in a dream last night: him cutting Seth’s testicles off inside the Cell. “Oh wait. You already sold those to the Authority.” He tongs Seth’s crotch (“You don’t need to have kids anyway.”) and DDTs it for good measure.

This brings out Seth and the new Stooges for a rebuttal. Seth calls the dummy an opponent that Dean can connect with on an intellectual level. Dean can never beat Ambrose, but maybe he can have a comedy career opening for Gallagher. Dean says let’s give Seth a hand (which is exactly what he does) but Rollins stops to address the YOU SOLD OUT chants. He’s a midwestern guy just like them but that’s where the similarities end. None of the losers here will ever know what it’s like to be Seth Rollins. Yeah he sold out the Shield but so what.

Dean busts out a power drill and wants to fight right now. Seth seems interested….and here’s Mick Foley. He’s here to visit an old friend and congratulate both guys on their success. His kids raved about seeing the Shield in action and he had to see them raise the bar. Foley isn’t around much but he always watches Raw and Smackdown. He even subscribes to the WWE Network for an undisclosed monthly amount. Foley has pictured the match on Sunday and sees almost no way Ambrose can win.

Seth insults Foley’s Santa Claus beard but Foley says he said Ambrose doesn’t win in most ordinary scenarios. However, that Cell isn’t an ordinary scenario. Yeah he’s wearing a Santa Claus shirt and he has for 300 consecutive days now. It’s one of the few things that he hasn’t had ripped away from him and he still can hold it in his heart. The scars from the Cell are the ones inside you and he’s lost so much because of it. He invites Rollins to look at his missing tooth and the fans offer Foley their thanks.

Dean says no one gets him but Mick Foley might come close. Ambrose is ready for the Cell but he doesn’t think Rollins is quite there. Seth says both guys are out of their minds but winning has nothing to do with being crazy. He knows Ambrose better than everyone and Dean is out of his mind. He’ll win on Sunday because he’s just better than Dean could ever hope to be.

Foley quotes Nietzsche by saying what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. “With all due respect though, Frederick Nietzsche was never thrown off a Cell!” Foley doesn’t think either guy is ready for life after the Cell, but just like everyone here in Kansas City, they’re getting what they’ve wanted all their lives. Have a nice day. Rollins bails and gets hit with a mannequin. Good and long segment here with Ambrose being just different enough to keep things from getting boring.

Cesaro says he’ll be a better Intercontinental Champion than Ziggler could ever be. “Cesaro out.” I kind of like that one.

Cesaro vs. Dolph Ziggler

Non-title here before the title match on Sunday. Cesaro easily takes him down to start and gets two off a shoulder. We hit the chinlock as Cole talks about these two fighting on Twitter. JBL: “Back in my day we fought over beer and chicks.” Ziggler comes back with a dropkick and a clothesline to put Cesaro on the floor. A big uppercut drops Dolph and we take a break.

Back with Cesaro countering a sunset flip into a gorilla press gutbuster for two. A middle rope ax handle and splash (from the middle of the ropes instead of the corner) get two more and we hit the chinlock. Dolph makes his comeback and counters a tiger bomb into a faceplant for two. Back up and Cesaro throws him into the air for Swiss Death and the pin at 9:28.

Rating: D+. Three matches, three champions get pinned. That would be Dolph’s fourth straight pinfall loss and I’d bet he wins on Sunday to make it all better because we’re just supposed to forget these losses. One thing I really liked here: Cole identified both guys for people who might be first time watchers. All he had to say was “Ziggler with the blond hair on your right, Cesaro on your left.” It took three seconds and might have cleared up some unsure viewers. I love little things like that.

Cesaro Neutralizes him post match for good measure.

The Authority is arguing in the back until HHH comes in to yell at them. Kane is officially the captain for the street fight so he takes over the yelling at his partners.

MizdowTV is the pre-show special this month. Remember when it was a wrestling match?

Hell in a Cell by the numbers:

20 feet high

5 tons

½ mile of steel

10/5/1997 – The first match

6 men in one match in 2000

6 victories by Undertaker and HHH

6 times Orton has been in the Cell

47:26 is the longest Cell match (HHH vs. HBK at Bad Blood 2003)

11 men who have won in the Cell

12 times Undertaker has been in the Cell

78,363 people who watched at Wrestlemania XXVIII

29 men who have entered

18 who have only done it once

2 matches this year

Same Wyatt video from earlier.

Dean Ambrose/John Cena vs. Authority

Handicap street fight. Cena has the serious black shorts on tonight. Huge brawl to start and we get the required “let’s follow the rules before realizing there are no rules” period. Dean stomps on Seth’s ribs and pulls at his hair before knocking Kane to the floor. They head outside and fight at the table with Cena cleaning house. Dean dives on the pile and makes things interesting with a chair. A few shots to the back put Seth down and it’s already table time. Everything breaks down on the floor and we take a break.

Back with Rollins putting Dean in a chinlock before Randy draped him across the top rope. It’s already back to Rollins as things settle down and get very unstreet fightish. Orton teases Dean by letting him crawl halfway across the ring before starting the Garvin Stomp. Dean fights back with right hands and a missile dropkick to put both guys down. There’s the hot tag to Cena and Kane takes the AA.

Here’s another table since the first one disappeared during the break. Rollins escapes the AA through the table and sends Cena head first into a chair in the corner. Kane and Orton send Dean into the steps as this is finally feeling like a street fight. Now the table is set up in the corner but Seth opts for a standing Sliced Bread #2 on Cena for two. Back to the floor with Cena going into the steps and then the post. Kane takes him back inside and sends him through the table in the corner.

The Cell comes down and Dean dives under just in time. The hot tag brings in Dean to dive on all three again. A dropkick puts Rollins into the cage and the Rebound Clothesline drops Orton. Dean finds a kendo stick to wear out Orton before throwing in another chair. A Cactus Jack elbow with the chair nails Orton again but Dean has to hit Kane with the chair. Orton and Rollins are sent to the floor and Randy looks frustrated. The suicide dive nails Rollins and everyone heads back inside for finishers, with Orton RKOing Dean for the pin at 18:28.

Rating: D+. The action was decCent but there was zero need for this to be a street fight. I kept waiting for the violence to kick in but it was almost all about the Cell being brought down at the end. This is a constant thing WWE does and it never stops getting on my nerves: if you want to have a handicap tag then have a handicap tag. I’m ok with Ambrose getting pinned as it wasn’t a fair match and at least it wasn’t by Kane. Side note: Cena has the worst attention span in wrestling history. He forgot Lesnar like a day after getting screwed out of the title win and now has forgotten Rollins after losing a single match.

Rollins Curb Stomps Orton for a surprise before posing on the Cell to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. This show was all over the place. Above all, they had most of the midcard champions lose and not much new added for Sunday. The one thing they did add though can tie us back to the World Title scene, which hasn’t gotten a lot of attention yet. I like that they’re having the Orton vs. Cena match mean something because it’s almost impossible to care about it again.

The match will likely be ok but dear goodness I don’t want to see it. There’s a lot of stuff going on and thankfully they’re starting to tie it together. Rollins vs. Ambrose better main event the show though as Orton and Cena just do not need the spot. Bad show but at least it was trying.

Results

Damien Mizdow/Goldust/Stardust b. Usos/Sheamus – Rollup with a handful of trunks to Sheamus

Alicia Fox b. AJ Lee – Rollup

Rusev b. Big E. – Accolade

Brie Bella b. Summer Rae – Bella Buster

Cesaro b. Dolph Ziggler – Swiss Death

Authority b. John Cena/Dean Ambrose – RKO to Ambrose

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Time for one of the most successful tag teams of all time: the Outsiders.

Other than a few house show matches in the WWF, the Outsiders never teamed together until their time in WCW. We’ll start with one of the most famous moments of all time at Bash at the Beach 1996.

Sting/Lex Luger/Randy Savage vs. Kevin Nash/Scott Hall/???

In case you don’t remember, the WCW guys were selected by putting the names of the top 6 WCW wrestlers based on win/loss record over the past I think six months or a year in a hat and drawing them out. The others were Hogan, Taskmaster and Giant. Hall and Nash come out alone and don’t have names yet. Tony gives them their names here. Until then they were just the Outsiders.

I’m not one for six man main events but this feels huge. Partially because it is huge. Gene goes into the ring before the WCW guys are here to find out who the third man is or for that matter where he is. The build for the drama here is epic. They’re milking this for everything they can.

The commentators aren’t even trying to stay unbiased which for once is nice. Even Randy Anderson is taller than Gene. Buffer is almost as tall as Scott Hall. Wow I didn’t realize that. The bell rings and we actually start with a handicap match.

The paranoia of the announcers actually upgrade this, marking the final time the WCW commentators don’t make me want a stiff drink in the history of WCW. Luger and Hall start. Now we get to the interesting part about a minute in. It turns into a big brawl and Nash and Luger are in the corner. Sting launches a Stinger Splash and nails Nash.

He also nails Luger, whose head and neck are rammed into the turnbuckle/bar attaching the turnbuckle to the ring. He’s OUT. They bring out a stretcher to carry him to the back and we have a 2-2 match with the third man on the way out. Now this does a few things. First of all, it makes the Outsiders look like they have a chance. Being realistic, there was no three man combination in the world that could have beaten Sting, Luger and Savage at this point and looked dominant.

That’s a WCW All-Star team to put it mildly and it would have been a waste of time to try. By making it two against what would become three, it makes WCW, the faces, at a disadvantage as they should be (are you listening TNA?). Also, this throws out a tiny piece of meat to the smarks as Luger and Sting had been the top candidates to be the third man.

It opens a door for Luger coming back and never being hurt and it opens a door for Sting to have done that on purpose. Either way the match pretty much stops at this point while we wheel Luger out. Tony says the Outsiders planned that somehow. That makes no sense but whatever. Crowd is RABID here.

Savage comes in but when Nash goes for a big elbow he lands on Savage’s head so Sting has to come in. Nash beats the tar out of Sting as does Hall so Savage is going to get the hot tag. There’s no real penalty or reward if the Outsiders win. They’re doing something brilliant here as they’re pacing things out to the point where we forget about the third man.

That’s very smart booking and I’m in awe of how this match is going. Tony says the Outsiders should get hurt. Wow. I’m not sure if that’s awesome or not. Savage FINALLY gets the hot tag and you actually can barely understand the announcers over the crowd. Nash gets a low blow on him though…and here comes Hulk Hogan. Heenan asks which side is he on.

The Outsiders clear the ring….and Hogan turns heel, dropping a leg on Savage and then another one. To say the crowd is furious is an understatement. This is legitimately a shock as NO ONE, not Meltzer, not Keith, not Reynolds, no one called this and if they did they were wrong at the time because from every report I can find, this decision was made the day of or the day before the show as Sting was scheduled to be the third man until Hogan agreed to do it.

This was a legitimate shocker and it lived up to every bit of the hype. Hogan turning was the one thing that made this angle work as I’ll get into later on. This was a great moment and I was about to cry when it happened. The fans flood the ring with garbage as Gene gets in. Hogan cements his heel status by saying the fans need to shut up if they want to hear what he has to say. That line alone makes this promo.

He says the name and the rest is history. Hogan claims the success for making WWF. I’m shocked too. Hogan says he’s bored with WCW and is joining up with the Outsiders and calls them the new blood of WCW. This is the one problem I had with both this turn and Austin joining the Alliance in 2001. Both guys said they were bored with the companies they had been in and wanted better competition.

If you’re going to be fighting the company you used to work for, won’t you be fighting the same competition you were fighting before? Hogan’s title win was over Giant who he had fought at I think three PPVs and his first defense was against Flair and you know that history. That just never made sense to me.

He throws in the for some reason semi-famous line about Bischoff selling meat from a truck in Minneapolis which is actually true. Hogan runs down the fans and does his trademark line. Tony says where Hogan can go twice and we’re done.

Rating: A+. This was about launching the NWO. It worked.

Next up was a regular tag match at Hog Wild 1996.

Outsiders vs. Sting/Lex Luger

Well here’s your first half of the main event. They actually haven’t talked much about these matches tonight so that’s a perk. Oh and there’s supposed to be another member announced tonight. So far it’s still the original three. Sting and Luger get more pyro than should be humanly allowed for a single team. Tony makes an interesting point, likely his last ever, by saying Luger never got a chance to really compete against Hall and Nash. That’s very true.

Heenan says that no one cares who wins or loses. Well ok then. They point out the total lack of Savage here which I was thinking about before this match. Hall and Luger start us off and it’s all Hall so far. Now THIS Hall I could buy as this great worker that everyone heralds him as. Again we see the problem with this crowd as the mega heels get NOTHING as far as heat goes while the faces get the same.

Luger does the Pec Dance and Nash wants Sting. And we immediately see the problem that would dominate the company for over a year: the NWO is dominating. That was the problem: they never lost at all. I get that they need to look dominant early so this is fine. Around the new year or even Halloween though the WCW guys needed to start scoring some major wins.

It wouldn’t be for many months beyond that for such a thing to happen though. Sting takes Snake Eyes and it’s all Nash who gets cheers of course. Heenan insists no one has left. Sure why not. Heenan accidently implies he wants the NWO to win. How in the world did he never jump? He goes on a small rant about how the NWO has a mastermind. Uh wasn’t that Hogan? This has been ALL Outsiders and Heenan is cheering for Hall.

He was hilarious when he wasn’t even trying to be. Razor’s Edge is blocked and Sting makes his hot tag. He had charisma if nothing else. Luger just beats the tar out of everybody and signals for the Rack on Hall as Nash is in the Scorpion on the floor. We then get the beginning of an angle that went on FOREVER as Patrick gets kicked in the face by Hall and “accidently” lands on Luger’s leg and fast counts Luger. If he could have done that at Starrcade 97 WCW could have stayed in business.

Rating: C+. The Outsiders dominating was just boring. You need to let the faces get something in but of course they didn’t because that doesn’t make the NWO look strong. Even still though this was at least ok and made sense given the circumstances. Now if only they had changed the formula.

Time to go after the Tag Team Titles at Halloween Havoc 1996.

Tag Titles: The Outsiders vs. Harlem Heat

That original NWO music is still awesome. Then again so is Harlem Heat’s. The Heat had recently lost and regained the titles from Public Enemy for a pointless reign that lasted like two weeks. The Outsiders grab the belts and hold them up to a pop. Seeing the whole rebellion against the angles is very interesting. It was clear that the fans wanted something new. WWF realized that and made Austin, the rebel character, the top guy in the company and a face. Moral: listen to the audience. They’ll never let you down.

Apparently Sherri is the quarterback of Harlem Heat. Well I wouldn’t mind seeing her in the pants I guess. Stevie knocks Hall over the top rope which they immediately explain is NOT a DQ here. Why didn’t they just drop that stupid rule? I never got a straight answer to that. Anyway, Heenan says this is the first real test for the Outsiders, because clearly fighting Luger and Sting at Hog Wild wasn’t a test right? Or Savage, Luger and Sting or any other big combination they had. I love idiotic lines like that.

The fans loudly boo Harlem Heat taking over. I feel sorry for the announcers at times and then they say something stupid enough to make me lose any and all sympathy I have for them. The Heat dominate early on which is different than what you would expect. Crowd is totally behind the Outsiders here. Hall uses a chokeslam which he used back in like 93 I think. It’s weird to think he’s been using that since Giant was in high school.

Hall kisses Sherri. Can we get a sexual harassment lawsuit from the congregation? Booker hooks a sleeper and gets booed out of the building for it. Stevie gets the hot tag and cleans house, setting up the Harlem Hangover on Hall. Parker comes in for no apparent reason at all and swings the cane at Nash. This of course doesn’t work and two cane shots from Nash to Booker give the Outsiders the tag titles.

Rating: C-. Eh nothing great here but not that bad. This is far more important for the historical aspect than anything else. The ending made sense at least and the cheating was minimal, but the heels won with nefarious activities so that’s all fine. This wasn’t terrible, but the crowd told a lot of the story here as the heels got cheered and few liked the faces.

And a defense from Starrcade 1996.

Tag Titles: Outsiders vs. Faces of Fear

The Outsiders, Kevin Nash and Scott Hall, are defending here. The Faces of Fear are the Barbarian (I told you he stuck around for a long time) and Meng, Robert Parker’s old bodyguard, managed by Jimmy Hart. Hall and Meng start things off with the Tongan monster putting on a wristlock. Hall cranks on the arm but gets caught with a stiff clothesline. Meng charges into a boot in the corner, followed by a bulldog by Hall. The bulldog merely seems to tick Meng off though so he pounds Hall down and brings in Barbarian.

Off to Nash who pounds Barbarian into the corner and fires off some big slow knees to the ribs. An elbow to the face staggers Barbarian but he shoves the 7’0 Nash into the corner and pounds away with chops. Meng comes in and the challengers pound Nash down to a big reaction from the crowd. Nash tries to ram their heads together, but Wrestling Law #3 says anyone described as a savage has a VERY hard head, meaning it has no effect.

Nash is kicked down again for a two count for Barbarian but he misses a middle rope elbow. Barbarian is dropped face first on the top turnbuckle in a move called Snake Eyes (a move named by Nash when he portrayed Vinnie Vegas) and it’s back to Hall to pound on Barbarian a bit more. Meng comes down the apron and pulls Hall to the challengers’ corner for a double team with Barbarian. A BIG boot to the face puts Hall down but referee Nick Patrick, who may or may not be in the NWO’s pocket, takes his sweet time in counting two.

Back to Meng for a very delayed piledriver for another near fall. Barbarian tries his luck again with a bunch of chops and a good looking powerbomb. Patrick again takes forever to count, allowing Nash to come in for a save. Barbarian stays on Hall as Tony says he’s confused by who is legal. To be fair though, tying his shoes confuses Tony. NWO member Syxx goes after Jimmy Hart and the pair head to the back.

Barbarian puts on a nerve hold as Hall gets to lay on the mat. Maybe he needs a nap after all the hard work he’s done in this match so far. After not moving for a good 20 seconds and not being checked by Patrick, Hall fights up and suplexes Barbarian down to escape. Tag off to Nash who gets two off a big boot of his own. Everything breaks down and Nash powerbombs Barbarian down to retain.

Rating: C-. This one went longer than it needed to and even when I was eight years old I knew the Faces of Fear had no chance here. The Outsiders held those belts for the better part of a year and a half with no one being able to take them from them (and keep them that is). The match was a watchable power match but the belts never felt like they were in danger at all.

Another defense against their biggest rivals at Souled Out 1997.

Tag Titles: Outsiders vs. Steiner Brothers

This was built up forever and included attempted vehicular manslaughter by the heels. I mean there was a video of the two teams in their cars and the Outsiders ran them off the road. The Scotts start us off with various levels of arm work. These camera angles are really getting annoying as it’s hard to tell what we’re looking at sometimes. And let’s talk about Hogan.

Rick vs. Hall now. And now back to the arm. Rick gets out of it by punching Hall in the face. Again, when all else fails: HIT THEM IN THE FACE! Chokeslam gets Hall out of trouble and here’s Nash. They don’t exactly look energetic out there if that makes sense. Scott hits that spinning belly to belly and now more arm work. Everyone has had the arm worked on at various times here.

This has been half punches, half arm work and half suplexes. There were occasions where both were going on at the same time. BIG boot puts Rick on the floor. The ring color is very offputting here. This is your usual slow and plodding Outsiders match with not a lot going on but a lot of time wasting, which technically is something I guess. And now let’s yell at DiBiase because we don’t care about the match.

Nash misses an elbow which takes us nowhere. Scott reaches out to Rick but Rick is facing the wrong way. Maybe Scott wants to take up proctology. Snake Eyes on the apron as we’re on the floor now. It’s Nash and Rick still if you’re wondering. Scott Steiner drills the other Scott and drops a bunch of F Bombs. Good night this needs to get going already.

Scott FINALLY comes in and beats up anyone that enjoys being outside with ease. Everything goes nuts and Scott gets the Razor’s Edge to Scott but there’s no referee. Top rope bulldog ends Hall and Randy Anderson comes in out of the crowd and counts the pin. If you’re stupid enough to think this lasted through Nitro the next night, you’re a very stupid person.

Rating: D+. Just rather boring again as the Outsiders couldn’t move at all and it just isn’t interesting to see them fight. Nothing special at all here as this DRAGGED. It’s the longest match of the night at fifteen minutes almost and it felt like a lot more than that. The screwjob ending doesn’t help much either but not a lot is going to help this show at this point.

Time for old vs. new at Great American Bash 1997.

Tag Titles: Roddy Piper/Ric Flair vs. Outsiders

So that #1 contenders match last month really didn’t mean jack did it? Flair and Hall start things off and there’s a toothpick to the face. Flair gets punched down but comes back with chops to send Hall to the floor. Back in Flair is Flipped in the corner and runs the apron right into the big boot from Nash which gets two. Off to Big Kev who pounds him down and gets a side slam for two.

Hall adds in some cheating but the distraction lets Piper hit a low blow to bring in Piper. Piper hooks a quick sleeper on Hall but it’s easily broken and Hall crotches him on the top. With both guys down, Flair beats up Syxx on the floor. Flair fights him up the alley as Piper gets up. There’s no one to tag so it’s two on one. This was supposed to tease a Flair heel turn. Off to hall who pounds away and slaps Piper on the back of the head a lot. Roddy says bring it on but he gets Nash instead, resulting in a bunch of knees to the ribs. Big boot puts him down and it’s off to Hall for the Edge to retain.

Rating: D. There was a lot of laying around for a lot of the match and the ending was pretty stupid. Flair was supposed to turn heel but Piper bailed to Hollywood so the turn didn’t go anywhere. This was nothing of note and Flair going up the aisle with Syxx seemed pretty stupid for Flair to do. The ending was more or less a squash anyway.

We need more Horsemen. From Nitro on July 22, 1997.

Tag Titles: Outsiders vs. Ric Flair/Chris Benoit

I’m pretty sure this is a title match. Tony says it is, and while this is probably a bad idea, I’ll go with it. Pay no attention to the Steiners winning like 84 #1 contenders matches in a row prior to this. We start with a brawl and Flair vs. Hall get us going in the ring. The Horsemen stand tall (not as tall as the Outsiders but tall in the metaphorical sense) until we officially start with Benoit and Hall.

Scott tries to pound him down but Benoit hits a dragon screw leg whip and a northern lights suplex for two. Hall bails so it’s off to Nash for a try at the Canadian. Actually make that the Carolinian who is immediately shoved down by Big Kev. Nash does all of his usual stuff in the corner but Flair comes back with punches to the face. Syxx pops Flair in the back of the head, giving Nash two off a side slam.

Back to Hall for the fallaway slam for two more. Nash comes in for some more high quality choking and the running crotch attack while Flair is throat first across the middle rope. Hall hits a running clothesline in the corner to keep Flair in trouble. Nash hits a big over the shoulder Snake Eyes on Flair before it’s back to Hall. Flair grabs a sleeper out of nowhere but Hall reverses into one of his own, only to have Flair quickly suplex out of it.

There’s the hot tag to Benoit who cleans house on both Outsiders. Clotheslines put both guys down and Flair stops Syxx from breaking up the Swan Dive. The headbutt gets two on Hall until Nash makes the save. Benoit punches out of the Jackknife but a Hall distraction lets Nash hit the big boot for a pin out of nowhere.

Rating: C+. I remember this match being a lot better. The ending seemed very rushed and likely happened because they were out of time. If you gave this match another five to seven minutes, it could go way up in quality. Benoit getting a chance to shine is always a good thing, as he was really starting to come into his own at this point. Not a bad match but nothing great either.

Another title defense from Nitro on September 15, 1997.

Tag Titles: Outsiders vs. Wrath/Mortis

Hall and Mortis start things off with the Outsiders making fun of how over the top the challengers are. Scott cranks on the arm before pounding away but Mortis comes back with a big kick. He then spits on Hall’s body, despite wearing am ask meaning the spit would go nowhere. Hall comes right back with the fallaway slam and it’s off to Wrath vs. Nash.

Big Kev pounds him into the corner but Wrath throws him into the opposite corner and beats the TAR out of Nash, including getting two off a bicycle kick. Off to Mortis for a Russian legsweep and a middle rope legdrop for two each. A Syxx distraction lets Nash get in the big boot to both guys. The Jackknife ends Mortis.

Rating: C+. WAY better than I was expecting here, which is what I’ve wound up saying about every Mortis/Wrath match I’ve seen so far. Wrath had potential if he never had to talk, but since it was WCW he wound up being fed to people like Nash and Rick Steiner for the sake of making the old guys look good. The fans were getting into this when the Outsiders were in trouble. Naturally Hall and Nash wouldn’t be beaten for the titles until January.

After losing the belts to the Steiners, the NWO created their own titles and held a unification match on Nitro, January 12, 1998.

Tag Titles: Outsiders vs. Steiner Brothers

This is billed as a unification match but the NWO Tag Titles were never official, meaning the Steiners are the only champions coming in. As a side note: why are there so many people named Scott in this company? Scott Norton, Scott Steiner, Scott Hall, Scotty Riggs, and they’re always in tag matches against each other around this time. Hogan comes out with the Outsiders. The fans seem to be on WCW’s side in the survey.

The Scotts start things off as we hear that Flair has been fined for the attack on Neidhart a few moments ago. Scott Steiner throws Hall’s toothpick back at him and shoves Hall down with pure power. Hall drives some shoulders into the other Scott but gets shoved into the Steiner corner and ping ponged back and forth with right hands. Hall gets powerbombed down and Nash is caught in a double suplex to send the challengers retreating. Randy Savage is at ringside as well.

The fans want Sting but get an an intense talk between Savage and Hogan instead. Back in and it’s Rick vs. Hall with both guys pounding away in the corner. Off to Nash for the first time to drive knees into Rick’s ribs. Rick gets a boot up in the corner and a middle rope clothesline gets two. Back to Scott Steiner who gets clotheslined down before it’s back to Hall. A chokeslam puts Scott Steiner down but he comes back with a quick belly to belly suplex for two on Hall.

Back to Rick who cranks on a leg lock before shifting to a half crab. Hall fights up and brings Nash back in, only to have him caught in a leg crank of his own. Nash comes right back for Snake Eyes (not bad a mere three weeks after missing the biggest show of the year because of a knee injury) but Rick slips down his back. Rick loads up the Steiner Bulldog but Hogan crotches him before Rick can jump. Scott Steiner goes after Hogan as Hall hits the fallaway slam for two on Rick.

Things settle down and Nash gets two off the side slam. Rick fights back against Hall but Nash knees him in the back. Scott Steiner argues with the referee and Rick bumps into said referee as everything breaks down. Nash covers Rick but Savage goes up for the elbow on Kevin, but the big man moves and the elbow hits Rick, giving the Outsiders the pin and the titles back.

Rating: C. The match was decent enough, likely due to these teams fighting each other so many times over the years. With all the NWO big shots at ringside it was hard to imagine the Outsiders not taking the belts back but it’s nice to see Hogan slumming it with the tag titles. The fans make a good point though: where was Sting? Their big hero and savior can’t even come out for a save here or at least come out an even the odds a bit?

One more time against Rick and Scott at SuperBrawl VIII.

Tag Titles: Outsiders vs. Steiner Brothers

The Brothers are defending in match #847 of this feud. The NWO easily wins the survey tonight. Hall starts against Rick with the latter firing off Steiner Lines and right hands. An overhead belly to belly puts him down and Nash is knocked to the floor as well. Scott Steiner comes in for the signature pose….and turns on his brother, FINALLY joining the NWO. Dusty sends DiBiase into the post but Hall only gets two on Rick. Rick fights out of the Outsiders’ corner and doesn’t seem to know what his brother did. The Outsider’s Edge his a few seconds later to change the titles.

Rating: N/A. This was an angle instead of a match. It had been a full six days since someone joined the NWO so you can’t blame them for needing a turn here. This had been building for a long time but it still felt shocking, especially given how early in the match it was. It was probably for the best too as the Steiners were long past their expiration date as a team.

After a few more matches, the team would be apart for a long time, not hooking up again until November 30, 1998 on Nitro.

Horace Hogan/Scott Steiner vs. Outsiders

The Outsiders do the Rock Paper Scissors to determine who starts against Horace. The NWO referee is in there as well. Hall nails the driving shoulders and puts on an armbar, only to walk into a hard clothesline. A hiptoss is countered into a chokeslam from Hall but it’s off to Scott Steiner. It’s Steiner with a muscle clothesline and a fast count is good for two. A butterfly suplex gets the same for Steiner on the other Scott but Steiner charges into a boot in the corner.

The middle rope bulldog gets two for Hall but the referee counts VERY slowly. Steiner comes back with a low blow but Nash saves Hall from some Horace choking. Back in and Horace stomps away and gets two off a backbreaker and splash. We hit the front facelock for a bit until Hall fights up and makes the tag to Nash. The NWO referee doesn’t count it but Nash comes in anyway and cleans house until Hall hits the Edge on Horace. No count of course so Nash Jackknifes the referee and a WCW referee comes in for the pin. Nash walks out as soon as the pin goes down.

Rating: D+. Another angle instead of a match here and Nash running off was interesting. I’m not sure where Steiner went after the hot tag but it fits the idea of the NWO wanting to run away from a real fight. The fans were really excited about the idea of the Outsiders being back together again, which is why I doubt it’s going to keep happening.

Time to kill off a marketing gold mine at SuperBrawl IX.

Kevin Nash/??? vs. Konnan/Rey Mysterio Jr.

This is Rey’s mask vs. Liz’s hair due to Lex Luger bullying Rey. Nash’s mystery partner is….Scott Hall. Liz is looking great here in a short skirt, tight low cut red top to show off the surgery and thigh high boots. Luger is seconding the Outsiders. Heenan rants about how stupid he thinks Mysterio’s mask in the most heelish thing he’s said in a long time. I know Heenan is mean most of the time but it’s usually more sly than flat out mean.

Hall throws the toothpick at Mysterio so Rey throws it right back. Rey gets thrown down twice in a row but he comes back with a quick armdrag. A springboard seated senton (called a Thesz Press by Schiavone) drops Hall and Rey nails Nash with a forearm for good measure. He dives too many times though and gets caught in a fall away slam. Nash comes in and throws Rey down by the throat as Heenan keeps ripping into Mysterio about the mask.

Back to Hall for some clotheslines and you can clearly see a purple and yellow Razor Ramon elbow pad sticking out from under the Wolfpack pad. Rey escapes the Outsider’s Edge and tags in Konnan who hammers away until Nash gets in a cheap shot from the apron. There’s the big boot choke in the corner before it’s back to Hall as Rey plays cheerleader on the apron. Konnan fights back but a double clothesline puts he and Hall down. Liz and Luger seem to be plotting something on the floor.

Rey gets the tag and dropkicks both Outsiders before using Nash’s back as a launching pad to dropkick Hall a second time. Everything breaks down and the fans are getting back into it. Luger pulls Konnan to the floor and sends him into the steps as Rey hits a moonsault press on Nash, nailing him in the head with his knee to knock Kevin silly. Liz distracts the referee though, allowing Hall to give Rey the Edge and put Nash on top for the pin.

Rating: D. This wasn’t as long as the previous match but the ending is just as stupid. As soon as you knew Liz’s hair would be on the line you knew the NWO would win, but WCW’s stupidity continues as they think Rey is better without his mask. Heaven forbid you sell the thing and make a bunch of money off of it or something like that. Also the name King of Mystery doesn’t have quite the same meaning now. This is another match that didn’t need to happen and whose only purpose seems to be to disappoint the fans.

It would be awhile before the team hooked up again but when they did they had a shot at the Tag Team Titles. From Nitro on December 13, 1999.

Tag Team Titles: Goldberg/Bret Hart vs. Outsiders

Before the match we go to the back and see Hart (World Champion) injured in his dressing room with Goldberg checking on him. Goldberg comes out holding both belts and is ready to go it alone. He easily knocks both guys to the floor and tells Hall to bring it on. Scott comes back in and gets caught in a wristlock so Goldberg can mess with his hair. A suplex gets two on Hall and it’s off to Nash who gets taken down by a flying shoulder block.

Hall’s distraction lets Nash get in a big boot and the challengers take over. Hall hammers away in the corner and a double stomp has Goldberg in trouble. Things settle down again with Hall raking the eyes and nailing a chokeslam as Bret staggers out. He hammers on both Outsiders and gets Nash in the Sharpshooter but Hall makes a fast save. Goldberg gets back up and spears Hall in half. We miss Bret getting taken down with a shot to the knee and see Nash covering him for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D+. This was an angle to set up Starrcade more than anything else but I’m glad they didn’t have the belts as we go into the PPV on Sunday. There’s nothing here but oddly enough neither guy turned on the other. The Outsiders wouldn’t hold the belts long and that’s probably better for everyone involved.

Hall and Nash would wind up in the WWF in early 2002 and teamed with Hogan on Raw, March 11, 2002.

New World Order vs. Steve Austin/The Rock

This is the first time the NWO has ever competed together in the WWF. Rock and Hall start things off but a Hogan distraction lets Hall take over. This is a handicap match if that didn’t come through. Rock comes back and Hogan bails from the apron in fear. A clothesline gets two for Hall and it’s off to Nash. Rock pounds away but a sidewalk slam gets two for Nash. Snake Eyes puts Rock down and it’s off to Hogan.

Hogan pounds on Rock a bit and suplexes him down before Hall and Nash work Rock over a bit. There’s the hot tag to Austin who cleans house. Nash somehow botches a Thesz Press from Austin so Austin hits a spinebuster on Hall instead. Nash can’t even hit Austin in the head right so Austin clotheslines the Outsiders down. A big boot, the only move even Nash can’t screw up, takes Austin down and it’s back to Hall.

The fallaway slam gets two for Scott and it’s back to Nash. Kevin pounds on Austin in the corner and it’s back to Hall. A clothesline puts Austin down for two and now for the only time that I can EVER remember, it’s Hogan vs. Austin. Hogan pounds away with some punches and a chokeslam before tagging out to Hall. It only lasts 25 seconds, but that actually felt special. Hall chokeslams Austin down but the Razor’s Edge is broken up by a backdrop.

Austin’s comeback is stopped AGAIN by a clothesline but he takes Hall right back down. Hot tag brings in Rock vs. Nash and Rock cleans house….for about 20 seconds before Nash takes him down again. This feels like WCW all over again. Off to Hogan to clean up the Rock scraps, but Rock nips up to terrify Hulk. Nash of course stops the momentum and everything breaks down. In a REALLY anti-climactic ending, Hogan punches Rock, hits the boot and legdrop and gets the pin.

Rating: D+. Huge historical moment aside, this was a really odd match. It was basically a squash with the NWO never really breaking a sweat against two of the biggest stars of all time. Nash looked like he had never been in a ring before and the whole thing looked awful. Then again, this had Steve Austin vs. Hulk Hogan in a legal match so it gets an automatic pass.

And again on Raw, March 18, 2002.

The Rock/Hulk Hogan vs. Outsiders

Hogan’s entrance is already going when we get back from a break and the Outsiders are in the ring. Good to know that’s not important enough to make Stephanie quit whining. The brawl is on quick until we start with Hogan vs. Hall. Hulk hits his punches in the corner and rakes the back before Hall gets caught between the right hands from the superheroes. Off to Rock for the spinebuster but Nash breaks up the People’s Elbow.

Nash comes in legally with the side slam before ramming knees in the corner. Hall comes back in and stops Rock’s comeback with the fallaway slam for two. The Outsiders take turns stomping on Rock but Rock escapes Nash’s Snake Eyes and hits the Rock Bottom for no cover. The hot tag brings in Hogan to clean house as everything breaks down. Hogan drops the leg despite coming from the wrong direction but Hall rolls to the floor for the countout.

Rating: D+. This was energetic while it lasted but they didn’t have time to go anywhere. Also there was no way this was going to be about the wrestling and there’s nothing wrong with that on a show like this. It was entertaining and a fun match to see happen and that’s all you need sometimes.

It was off to TNA after this with one of their few matches together taking place at Turning Point 2004.

Jeff Hardy/AJ Styles/Randy Savage vs. Kings of Wrestling

Savage was kidnapped remember. The Kings come out to Elvis impersonator music and Elvis suits. AJ looks like he‘s about 19 here. Jarrett is world champion. Hall looks almost human. AJ and Jarrett start us off. Bah I can‘t say Jeff in this. AJ and the champ see who can get the bigger reactions from the crowd then do some technical stuff. A headscissors takes Jarrett down and a dropkick takes him down again.

Off to Hall. He and Nash are wrestling in those Elvis suits. Give me a break. Hall works on the arm so AJ takes the knees out to control. He wants Nash so Hall spits at him and makes the tag. AJ uses the speed again and dropkicks all three Kings down. Hardy is tagged in and dropkicks Hall and Jarrett down as things speed up. Slingshot dropkick by Hardy has Nash in trouble.

Nash gets in a big boot and Hardy is in trouble. Here‘s the champ who beat Hardy last month at Victory Road. I always thought that was two or three months before this show. Jarrett hot shots him on the top rope and it‘s time to strut. Back to Hall for a discus punch and chokeslam for two. Nash comes in for a sideslam which gets two also. Back to Hall who hooks the abdominal stretch. Nothing but trademark stuff from the Outsiders.

Hall hooks a modified STF but pulls on the hair instead of the neck. That has to hurt. Hardy gets his mule kick (catching Hall squarely in the hand) which is enough for the tag to AJ. Things speed up again and AJ cleans house. Moonsault into the reverse DDT gets two. Styles Clash to Jarrett is avoided and Nash breaks up the springboard forearm. Fallaway slam for two as we‘re just waiting on Savage to make the big miracle appearance.

Nash hits the framed elbow (complete with Karate Elvis Action!) for two. Back to Jarrett and they work over the ribs which the Outsiders started on. Naturally this leads to the Figure Four LEG Lock but AJ rolls him up for two. Hall breaks up the tag and Nash hooks a bearhug. See, THAT makes sense. AJ makes the unseen tag and it‘s back to Jarrett. They slug it out and both hit cross bodies to put them down.

AJ finally makes the tag to Hardy and house is cleaned. Stroke is countered into a Twist of Stunner and AJ adds a springboard cross body to Hall. Nash takes out the referee though as the numbers are catching up with them. Hardy goes up for the Swanton but Hall hits him with the guitar. Hardy falls forward onto Jarrett for the Swanton anyway but there‘s no referee. Here‘s Savage with a big old bald spot as is his custom. Naturally with everyone down he wants a tag and fires off right hands. All three of the Kings get caught in sleepers for some reason. Jarrett tries a sunset flip but Savage falls on him for the pin.

Rating: C-. The match was ok but the ending was HORRIBLE (again). Savage might have been out there 90 seconds. He would be gone the next day because he proposed a one month title reign for himself and said he‘d drop it back to Jarrett the next month but it was vetoed. That‘s his last match, which is a sad note to go out on.

We’ll have to jump way ahead again to their final run together in TNA, starting at Lockdown 2010.

Team 3D vs. The Band

It’s Hall and Nash in case you missed it. And it’s not a cage match anymore but a St. Louis Street Fight where falls count anywhere in the building. Uh, sure why not. This actually is a major match given the teams in it so points for that. They start on the ramp and the Outsider’s Edge is blocked.

We’re in the crowd already. 3D said no one came to see a match but rather a fight. That makes sense at least. If the Waltman no-showing thing is legit, good riddance. The crowd is definitely making this show much better. We’re back in the ring now with D-Von all by himself. What’s Up hits on Hall. 3D through the table ends this. This was almost a squash match. Well I didn’t expect that one at all.

Rating: C+. Pretty decent brawl here. I was really surprised at the ending though as Hall just took 3D and got pinned. It looks like they’re pushing 3D towards the tag titles again which is the epitome of a head scratcher but whatever. Decent enough match since I like 3D so there you are.

And one final time at Sacrifice 2010.

Tag Titles: The Band vs. Ink Inc.

Since Morgan isn’t champion anymore, there’s more or less no build here. Why would you need one of those? Ink Inc. CLEARLY is enough drawing power to not need an angle or a feud or anything pesky like that. Oh and clearly THESE TWO are the second best team in the company. Hall and Moore start us off. Wow I can’t stand these challengers.

Tenay and Taz continue their brilliance by pointing out that they number one contenders have had one match which they had after being named number one contenders. Brilliant guys. The Outsiders use all of their old favorites and it’s just not that interesting. I love Hall just standing there watching his partner getting the heck beaten out of him.

Down goes the referee as the spear misses. Young, armed with a kendo stick is here. Neal gets a spear on Nash though. That’s a bit surprising. Bubba comes out and yells at Nash before popping Neal with the stick. Oh here we go again. Young pulls Nash on top for the cover and the pin.

Rating: D. Seriously? THIS is the best tag title match they could come up with? That makes my head hurt. Just not an interesting match at all and boring to top that off. Horrible and likely worst of the night so far. It’s the last time the Outsiders have wrestled together on a major show as of October 2014 and that’s a good thing given how this went.

The Outsiders are a team that is much more important for its impact than their wrestling matches and there’s nothing wrong with that. They dominated the WCW Tag Team Titles for several years and no one other than maybe the Steiners early in the 90s came close. Their matches were watchable most of the time and for a team who was as high profile as they were, that’s all they needed to be.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Today we have one of WCW’s best known jobbers: Sgt. Buddy Lee Parker.

Parker got his start in the late 1980s and we’ll pick things up on June 16, 1990.

Rock and Roll Express vs. Buddy Lee Parker/Rick Fargo

Parker drives shoulders into Gibson’s ribs to start but it’s quickly off to Morton for a double back elbow. The Express knocks both guys out to the floor and we get a breather. Back in and it’s Fargo getting the tag to face Gibson. Off to Morton to crank on the arm as the Express really doesn’t seem all that worried here. They take turns slamming Fargo until Ricky cranks on a wristlock. Back to Gibson for a chinlock until everything breaks down and Gibson is sent outside. The Express sends them together a few times and the double dropkick ends Fargo.

Rating: D+. This was long and dull for the most part but man alive did people love the Express. They were the young(ish) and fast team with that awesome double dropkick, making it hard to not like them at least a little bit. It’s weird to see the heels in control for about thirty seconds of a match and they were barely in control that long.

Still on WCW TV on September 22, 1990.

Junkyard Dog vs. Buddy Lee Parker

Parker jumps him from behind but gets caught in the worst hiptoss I’ve ever seen. El Gigante is on the apron for some reason. A slam puts Parker down and there are the crawling headbutts. Back in and a big headbutt ends Parker quick.

Here he is at Clash of the Champions XIV.

Brian Pillman vs. Sgt. Buddy Lee Parker

Parker is a cop character who would have much more success as a trainer. They fight over a test of strength to start until Brian takes over with an armdrag. Parker is sent outside but gets pulled back in over the top rope with ease. Buddy gets sent to the ramp and gets taken out by Air Pillman in a nice dive. Back inside and the high cross body is good for the pin on Parker to complete the squash.

Parker actually got a PPV title shot at WrestleWar 1991.

Six Man Tag Titles: Junkyard Dog/Ricky Morton/Tommy Rich vs. State Patrol/Big Cat

Where do I even start? Ok so odds are you haven’t heard of these titles before, and there’s a good reason for that: they were only around for less than nine months. The titles were first won seven days before this show at a live event. Now one might ask why they didn’t have the first champions crowned here on PPV. It’s WCW in 1991. There’s your answer and it’ll answer most of your questions. The State Patrol is Sgt. Buddy Lee Parker and Lt. James Earl Wright, who is most famous for being one half of the State Patrol. Big Cat is Mr. Hughes and he’s one of the challengers here.

Cat and Dog start things off. I think you can see JYD’s gut expanding from here. He hits Cat with some headbutts and it’s off to Morton and Wright. Morton speeds things up with armdrags and it’s off to Rich. Rich slams him down and hooks an armdrag followed by an armbar. Off to Parker who gets the exact same treatment. Back to Morton for some atomic drops and then back to the same armbar again.

The Dog comes back in to crank up the fat levels of this match. Big Cat comes in again and wants a test of strength. That goes nowhere so it’s back to Morton to face the State Patrol on his own. The numbers catch up with him and it’s time for Morton to start selling. Parker drop toeholds him down and Cat hits an elbow for two. Dropkick gets two. Morton slugs back against Parker but gets powerslammed down for two.

The State Patrol keeps up the double teaming, hitting a bulldog for two. Back to Parker as I’m seeing why this team never went anywhere. Cat comes back in for a big old backbreaker for two. Parker misses a charge and there’s the hot tag to JYD. He hits the Thump (powerslam) but Cat makes the save. In a smart move, Morton immediately dives on Parker and gets the pin to retain.

Rating: D. Technically this was barely passable but what in the world was the point to this match? On second thought what was the point to these titles? The match wasn’t any good as it was in essence just a bad TV main event, which doesn’t exactly fire me up for the rest of the show. This was an odd choice all around.

He was in the Battlebowl competition at Starrcade 1991.

Ricky Steamboat/Todd Champion vs. Sgt. Buddy Lee Parker/Cactus Jack

Champion is a tall strong guy and half of the tag team called the Patriots. Parker is a police themed character and little more than a jobber. Jack is, to put it mildly, completely insane. Steamboat is Rhodes’ partner as world tag team champions You might remember those locker room cameras I mentioned to you. We see Parker getting ready to go, but Abdullah the Butcher attacks him because he wants to be Cactus’ partner. Abdullah DESTROYS Parker, ramming his head into a locker over and over again before breaking a broom over Parker’s back. Cactus is basically in a handicap match now.

Parker somehow makes it to the arena but the Butcher beats him with a staff on the stage, including some HARD shots to the head. Steamboat knocks Jack off the apron and into the barricade at ringside. Now Butcher knocks Parker off the stage and into the crowd for good measure. Cactus and Steamboat slug it out with Cactus screaming a lot. He pounds on Steamboat in the corner as Parker has managed to crawl back up onto the ramp.

Steamboat gets back up and fires off some chops, only to be thrown over the top rope. As is his custom though, Steamboat skins the cat and throws Jack out to the floor as well. Steamboat dives on Jack and rams him into the barricade before heading back inside. A superkick staggers Jack and another kick takes him down. Off to Champion with a shot to the back but Cactus punches him in the face to come back. Parker is literally crawling on his hands and knees down the ramp to get to the ring.

Champion puts Cactus in a chinlock but Jack fights up with more right hands. Off to a bearhug instead but Cactus goes to the eyes to escape. Todd is thrown to the floor and Cactus drops a middle rope elbow on Champion for good measure. Parker has finally made it to the ring the match isn’t happening in. The fans chant for Buddy out of sympathy as Cactus avoids a legdrop. Champion tries a bulldog but gets shoved off, causing the two of them to ram heads. Cactus falls into the corner and tags off to Parker, who is literally thrown into the ring. His prize for working this hard? A cross body from Steamboat for the pin.

Rating: C-. I don’t know why, but it was hilarious watching Parker get beaten up like that. Steamboat and Champion were toying with Cactus here as Steamboat is one of the best ever and Champion wasn’t completely awful in the ring. Cactus would get his day in a few more years, albeit in another company.

From Saturday Night on April 4, 1992.

Sgt. Buddy Lee Parker vs. Nikita Koloff

The idea here is Sting is going to have Nikita on his team for WarGames but Nikita may not be trustworthy. Koloff throws him around to start and runs Buddy over with a shoulder. Parker rolls outside before Koloff throws him around and nails a suplex. The Russian Sickle ends this quick.

Here he is on Saturday Night on August 15, 1992.

Ron Simmons vs. Sgt. Buddy Lee Parker

Simmons is World Champion and for some reason this isn’t a title match. He shoves Parker to the mat and then to the floor before no selling a right hand and ending Parker with a powerslam.

We’ll jump ahead a bit to WCW Pro on May 28, 1994.

Terry Taylor vs. Sgt. Buddy Lee Parker

Feeling out process to start with Parker getting caught in an early wristlock, only to come back with a wristlock. A northern lights suplex gets two for Taylor and it’s off to an armbar. Back up and Parker drives in some knees to the ribs before cranking on another chinlock. Terry pops up and nails a superkick of all things before winning a slugout. A Rock Bottom and knee drop set up the Five Arm for the pin on Parker.

Rating: D. I really wasn’t feeling this one as it was mainly forearms and knees before some power moves at the end. Neither guy does anything for me most of the time and this was a great example of why. The match just didn’t click and that can make for some ugly stuff when it gets time, like it did here.

Off to the Nitro era now with Parker as a Leprechaun named Braun. From Nitro on July 22, 1996.

Jim Powers/Alex Wright/Joe Gomez/Renegade vs. Leprechaun/Hugh Morrus/Kevin Sullivan/Barbarian

Yes that’s the jobber team. The Leprechaun is just that: a leprechaun who is more famous as Sargent Dwayne Bruce. Morrus vs. Renegade to start. Leprechaun is running around the ring like an idiot. And now let’s have the camera go to the back because there’s some disturbance. Wright beats up Barbarian and we go to the back again. The Outsiders are in the control truck.

We’re not even watching the match at all. We haven’t seen the ring in almost two minutes now. Hall says back on the movie stars and we get a quick flash of the ring and now back to the truck. We’re looking at the crowd now and here’s security to get the Outsiders out of the booth.

We finally go back to the ring after three minutes of Outsiders stuff. Tony says it’s been a hard hitting match. Wouldn’t it be nice to SEE THE MATCH? Anyway Powers is sent to the floor and Teddy Long is here for no apparent reason. That fires him up so he goes back in and hammers away on Morrus. Everything breaks down and here’s Giant to chokeslam everything in sight that isn’t in his stable and it’s a DQ win. We might have seen 100 seconds of this match so no rating.

Time to get beaten up by a video game character on Nitro, December 23, 1996.

Glacier vs. Buddy Lee Parker

Glaicer kicks a lot, chops a lot, then kicks a lot more. He hits his Cryonic kick which Parker kicks out of for no apparent reason. A second one finishes this.

We’ll jump ahead a few years to Nitro on May 17, 1999.

David Flair vs. Sgt. Buddy Lee Parker

Robinson is refereeing in Flair trunks and a regular shirt. For those of you that don’t remember him, Parker is a career jobber who later became an insane trainer in WCW. He’s the guy that told Batista he had no future in wrestling. Parker grabs a headlock to start and gets one off a clothesline. They head into the corner where Sarge can hammer away even more, drawing the Horsemen up to the apron. Flair misses a horrible elbow drop but Buddy misses a top rope knee drop. The Figure Four makes Parker give up. Well more like Charles rings the bell as soon as the hold goes on but whatever. Parker sells the heck out of the leg.

From the following week on the same show.

Chris Benoit vs. Buddy Lee Parker

Hennig is still on commentary and talks about how young guys like Benoit aren’t respecting the veterans that came before them. A black arm band can be seen on Chris’ arm for Owen. Parker actually gets in a few shots in the corner to start and I don’t see him getting in much more offense.

As you would expect, he charges into a boot in the corner and gets caught in the Rolling Germans. Benoit chops the fire out of him in the corner before hitting a quick belly to back suplex. Parker comes back with a powerslam, only to get drop toeholded into the middle turnbuckle. The Swan Dive sets up the Crossface and Parker taps very quickly.

Rating: D+. It’s always fun to see Benoit run someone over like this. Parker was older than dirt at this point and had been getting beaten up for years now. That’s probably why he was such a jerk down in the Power Plant. The match was just there for Benoit to show how awesome he was, because somehow that wasn’t an established fact to the WCW brass at this point.

As mentioned, Parker ran the Power Plant and trained Goldberg. Here he is against his student in what is supposed to be a big emotional match. From Nitro on December 11, 2000.

Dwayne Bruce vs. Goldberg

At this point, Goldberg has to match his old winning streak if he wants a shot at the World Title again. Goldberg doesn’t know his opponent until he comes through the pyro so he stops cold. They stare each other down in the middle and Goldberg says he isn’t doing this. Bruce says bring it on but Lex Luger comes out and says Bruce can’t face him on Thunder if Goldberg doesn’t fight tonight. Why that’s a thing I’m not sure but this is WCW.

Bruce hammers away and ticks Goldberg off so it’s spear and Jackhammer for the pin. Here’s the problem: at the end of the day, this was Goldberg vs. Buddy Lee Parker and the fans weren’t going to buy it. The fact that Bruce got in about as much offense as anyone else on Goldberg didn’t help things out.

They had a tag match together at Sin.

Sgt. Dwayne Bruce/Goldberg vs. Totally Buff

Sarge has a broken arm and the entrances take about five minutes. Goldberg vs. Luger get us going here. You know, Russo made the deal about Goldberg having to win 176 in a row. Why doesn’t Flair just overturn that? Goldberg throws Luger around and throws him to Bagwell who says “Who me?” “Yeah you!’ For some reason that was funny for me. Bagwell hammers away and no sells a suplex.

Goldberg beats down Bagwell and brings in the career jobber Sarge. Sarge beats on him for a bit with a middle rope elbow. I forgot that this is no DQ. Sarge runs into some double teaming, so why doesn’t Goldberg just come in and destroy them? He can’t get disqualified. Actually he does that and the referee throwing him out. How does that make sense?

Luger hammers on Sarge for awhile and Bagwell adds a double arm DDT. Off to the chinlock now as the fans are still in this. Luger gets one of the worst forearm smashes you’ll ever see for two. Thankfully they remember the plate that is allegedly in there. So it can knock out Bret Hart but it barely puts Dwayne Bruce down for two? Only in wrestling would that make sense.

Double tag brings in Goldberg and Luger. HUGE pop for Goldberg. Seriously how in the world did they manage to mess him up? Now we get to the stupid part here. Remember the kid from earlier with the autograph? He’s like 17 or so and Luger goes after him. Goldberg makes the save and the kid maces him.

Goldberg pulls him over the railing and security dives on the kid…..then just let him go and stand at ringside. Punk was right. Wrestling security sucks. Back in the ring Goldberg fights blind for awhile until Luger pops him with a chair a few times and a double Blockbuster (think a Doomsday Device) ends the career. For the month at least.

Rating: D. Weak tag match that was hurt even worse by the ending. Yes a fan that he signed an autograph before earlier was the big answer. Why Luger or Bagwell didn’t bring the mace in themselves is anyone’s guess but hey why not just let a young looking guy do it instead? Either way at least it’s over and they can quit ruining Goldberg for now. HHH got to do that in 03 which is the next time he would be seen.

At the end of the day, this is Sgt. Buddy Lee Parker. He’s almost the equivalent of the Brooklyn Brawler in WCW and it’s hard to get annoyed at him most of the time. It’s not like he got a push for the most part with his only moderate success coming in a team called the State Patrol that wasn’t even important enough to find matches from. Nothing wrong with him, but he just wasn’t all that good. That being said, his training seemed to be about as bad as you could get but that’s another story.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

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Today is a guy who had some very different gimmicks: Barry Darsow.

Darsow got his start in 1983 after attending Robinsdale High School with Rick Rude, Curt Hennig, Tom Zenk, John Nord and Nikita Koloff. That’s quite the class. We’ll start things off with Darsow as Crusher Khrushchev, a Russian sympathizer, at AWA Superclash 1985.

NWA Six Man Titles: Krusher Khruschev/Ivan Koloff/Nikita Koloff vs. Crusher/Dick the Bruiser/Baron Von Raschke

This is Crockett vs. AWA and the Russians are the champions of course. Big brawl to start and we eventually get down to Crusher vs. Krusher. Crusher bolo punches his way to prosperity and brings in the Baron. Nikita comes in and runs from the Claw. Nikita was a killing machine and he’s running from an old bald guy holding his hand in the air. Ivan comes in and gets beaten up by the old man as well.

Here’s Dick The Bruiser who is a scary man. He and the Crusher are identical. Dick and Ivan have a test of strength with the evil Russian cheating to escape. Back to Crusher vs. Krusher with Crusher taking over and bringing Baron back in. Ivan comes back in and takes Crusher down. He hits a legdrop which Nelson calls illegal. I’m not even touching that one. Crusher makes his comeback and it’s off to the Bruiser. Baron comes in and drops a leg which isn’t mentioned by Nelson. There’s the Claw and everything breaks down. We cut to a wide shot then go back to see Ivan pinning Baron.

Rating: D+. The ending is as quick as it sounds and since Larry didn’t see it either, we have no idea what knocked Baron out. I think you could see both other Russians but things were moving too fast. Nikita should have been in there running over people though as it’s what he was best at. This is the AWA though so it doesn’t think things through at times.

Off to the NWA with the same character at Starrcade 1985.

Mid-Atlantic Title: Krusher Khrushchev vs. Sam Houston

Speaking of crowning new champions, this is a tournament final because former champion Buzz Tyler had left the territory. Krusher is more famous as Smash from Demolition and this is his power vs. Houston’s speed. Houston is a cowboy character and the half brother of Jake Roberts. There’s something wrong with Tony’s mic as you can only hear whispers of what he’s saying.

Houston slips down and sends Krusher to the floor before holding his own in a slugout back inside. Krusher will have none of that and grabs Sam by the throat to slam him down. An elbow drop misses though and we’re back to a standoff. Houston grabs a headlock and a headscissors to take Krusher down. Khrushchev tries everything he can to get out of it before just picking Houston up and placing him on the top rope. Houston comes right back with an armdrag into an armbar and Krusher is down again.

Back up again and Krusher just throws him into the air and lets Sam crash down onto his face. Why over complicate things when you can do them that simply I guess. Krusher does the same thing off a gorilla press before punching Houston right in the jaw. Off to a bearhug but Houston fights out of it pretty quickly. The Russian goes up but gets crotched down, allowing Sam to pound away in the corner. The bulldog (Sam’s finisher) hits but Krusher gets his foot on the ropes. Sam celebrates too much and Krusher hits the Russian Sickle for the pin and the title.

Rating: C+. Nice little match here with a basic power vs. speed formula. Khrushchev was your typical American Russian (he was from Minnesota) so thankfully he didn’t talk all that much. Houston was way too small to be taken seriously and his career never took off, even in the far less serious WWF in the late 80s.

Another tag match at Starrcade 1986.

US Tag Titles: Krusher Khrushchev/Ivan Koloff vs. Kansas Jayhawks

The Jayhawks are Bobby Jaggers and Dutch Mantell, the latter of which would eventually join the WWE under a variety of names, including Zeb Colter. This is a rematch of a tournament final where the Russians won the belts and there are no disqualifications. Dutch and Ivan start things off but it’s quickly off to Jaggers to pound away on the older Russian. Ivan actually busts out a rollup for two but it’s quickly back to Dutch to work on the arm.

Krusher gets a tag in and it’s time for some stalling. Mantell pounds away on the forehead and the Jayhawks choke away in the corner before it’s off to Jaggers again. That goes nowhere so here’s Dutch again, but those sneaky Russians trick him into some double teaming. The power of AMERICA saves him from the Russians though and Dutch fights both guys off with relative ease. Ivan sends Dutch to the floor though and into the barricade to shift control.

Off to Krusher for some double teaming, but Dutch fights back with a double clothesline and there’s the hot tag to Jaggers. Some AMERICAN right hands have the Russians in trouble and a clothesline gets two on Ivan. Everything breaks down but there’s nothing the referee can do because it’s no disqualification. Ivan goes up top but gets hit by Dutch’s whip to bring him down. Krusher is sent to the floor but sneaks back up onto the apron to hit Jaggers in the back of the head with the chain, allowing Ivan to get the easy pin to retain the titles.

Rating: C. Another basic tag match here but it was at a slightly faster pace, making it a more entertaining match for the most part. The Russians continue to be a perfectly fine midcard heel act as the Cold War was still going on at this point. The Jayhawks never did much of anything as a team and would fade into obscurity pretty soon after the start of the new year.

It was off to the WWF as Smash of Demolition. We’ll start with a battle royal

Battle Royal

André the Giant, Ron Bass, Demolition (Ax and Smash), Billy Jack Haynes, Hercules, Hillbilly Jim, Hulk Hogan, The Honky Tonk Man, The Islanders (Haku and Tama), The Killer Bees (B. Brian Blair and Jim Brunzell), Blackjack Mulligan, Paul Orndorff, Lanny Poffo, Butch Reed, Sika, Nikolai Volkoff, and Koko B. Ware.

So in other words, it’s everyone but Savage and Steamboat plus a few tag teams. Smash is the original Smash and not Barry Darsow and Honky is wearing suspenders. Andre won’t let Hogan get in. Orndorff jumps Hogan to prevent the showdown. More or less all of the heels jump Hogan and all of the faces jump Andre. Honky is out thanks to Hogan. Andre puts Sika out.

These are hard to commentate on as it’s just eliminations and fights. Haku, a face at this point, is out. Andre headbutts Lanny Poffo and he’s BUSTED OPEN, and I mean BAD. Totally hard way too. That is a sick cut. They have to get a stretcher to get him out. That’s impressive. Other than that it’s pretty much you punch me and I’ll punch you in the ring. Ron Bass is out as is Mulligan.

The ultimate Hogan jobber, Volkoff, is gone. We’re just killing time to get to Hogan vs. Andre as Blair is out. HERE WE GO! Hogan blocks a punch…and Koko jumps on Andre to be annoying. Hogan throws out Orndoff but gets jumped by Andre who does the headbutts to the back of the head and throws him out easily. WOW.

In a VERY funny moment, Hogan and Andre are doing a staredown and Koko tries to jump Andre. Giant just smacks him in the head without even turning around. That was hilarious. Everyone gets together to throw Andre out.

Ok we’re down to Koko, Reed, Smash, Billy Jack Haynes and Hercules. Koko puts Reed out and we get faces vs. heels. Koko is out thank goodness and then we get rid of Smash too to get us down to the full nelson guys. Haynes goes for Bobby and there he goes for Hercules to win, which is probably the biggest win of his career somehow.

Rating: D. This was about Hogan vs. Andre and while that did happen, it was all of ten seconds long. Before and after that though, no one cared. This just wasn’t that interesting at all and it was about ten seconds out of eleven minutes. That can’t be a good sign. You probably should just go watch Wrestlemania instead.

Demolition would take off around this point so we’ll jump ahead to Summerslam 1989.

Twin Towers/Andre the Giant vs. Demolition/Jim Duggan

Duggan is King of the WWF and has his face painted like Demolition but is rocking an American flag pattern of course. Akeem starts with the King with Duggan absorbing the trash talk and pounding away on the big man before it’s off to Ax for some pounding on the arm. Smash comes in and Demolition pounds Akeem down before bringing Duggan back in to crank on the arm as well.

Akeem finally gets in a shot to Ax’s ribs and it’s off to Boss Man who is immediately pounded down by the fresh Smash. Boss Man rakes the eyes to slow Smash down but Smash rakes the eyes right back in a good bit. Ax comes in again and cranks on the arm but gets sent into the wrong corner so Andre can come in and pound away with big right hands.

Akeem comes back in but misses a slow motion splash, allowing for the hot tag back to Smash who slams Akeem down in an impressive power display. Everything breaks down and Akeem hits a bottom rope splash on Smash, but Duggan hits Akeem in the back with the 2×4 to give Smash the pin.

Rating: C. It wasn’t much of a match but for above seven and a half minutes with these six guys, this was as good as you were going to get. Duggan was about as big as he was going to get in the WWF at this point as the fans were WAY into his Hogan-Lite character. Demolition was fresh off losing the tag titles but but they were still the most popular tag team in the company. Good, fun little match here which was much better than I was expecting.

Smash was part of the greatest Survivor Series team of all time in 1989.

Hulkamaniacs vs. Million Dollar Team

Hulk Hogan, Demolition, Jake Roberts

Ted DiBiase, Zeus, Powers of Pain

My goodness that’s an amazing face team. Ok, so now I get to explain Zeus. A month or two ago, WWE released No Holds Barred, a movie Hogan made in the late 80s, on DVD. The villain in the movie is named Zeus and you may notice he’s here. Zeus is played by an actor (not a wrestler mind you) named Tom Lister and the idea is that he’s living his character and is coming to beat Hogan up “in real life” because he lost in the movie. This would be like the guy who played Goldfinger trying to get revenge on Sean Connery. To make things even better, this was originally going to be the main event of Wrestlemania 6.

I’m sure you can see the problems mounting up already, with the main one being that Zeus doesn’t know how to wrestle. Other than that, there’s the idea that the movie barely broke even so a lot of people didn’t get the idea of the story. A positive twist to this is that a lot of people didn’t get the idea of the story, which probably kept the company from being laughed at more than they already were. Zeus wrestled like four matches ever, most of which were short or tag matches so he wasn’t in the ring long. WCW, the geniuses that they are, brought him back seven years later and put him in the main event of another PPV.

Anyway back to the match. The Million Dollar Team won’t let them get inside until Jake fires in the snake to chase them all away. Hogan and Demolition are the champions that you would expect them to be at this point. Zeus wants to fight Hogan one on one but their respective partners hold them both back. Jake starts with Zeus but the actor wants Hogan. They stare each other down and Hogan bounces off Zeus. Hogan pounds away but nothing hurts Zeus at all.

Instead Hulk finds the one weak spot on Zeus by raking the eyes. He slams Zeus down and amazingly enough, IT DOESN’T REALLY DO MUCH. Barbarian hits Hogan in the back of the head and Zeus twists Hogan’s neck around. He starts choking away and it’s a DQ for Zeus who is only pulled off by DiBiase and the promise of money. Just to clarify, we’re giving the Hulkamaniacs, an 80s dream team, a man advantage. Also why would DiBiase get Zeus off Hogan? Wouldn’t Hogan’s pain and agony make DiBiase happy?

It’s DiBiase vs. Hogan now and Hulk is in big trouble. DiBiase hammers away in the corner but Hulk gets a boot up in the corner and there’s the tag to Jake. A clothesline puts DiBiase on the floor and it’s off to Ax who demolishes DiBiase with ease. Smash comes in and they both pound Ted down. Back to Hogan who triple teams DiBiase along with Demolition. Back to Ax with a clothesline but DiBiase elbows him down out of desperation.

Off to Warlord as these two teams are still feuding even a year later. Come to think of it there wasn’t much else in between for those guys either. Dang did the division fall that fast in just a year? A shoulder breaker puts Ax down but Barbarian misses a middle rope elbow. Off to Warlord again but he gets clotheslined down. Fuji trips Ax up and a basic elbow drop is enough to tie the score.

It’s Smash vs. Warlord now but it’s quickly off to Hogan. Hulk softens him up to bring in Jake, which Jesse calls a mismatch. That’s likely based on power but I’m pretty sure Jake is taller than Warlord. Off to Smash but Warlord pokes him in the eye to take over. Back to Barbarian whose big boot is caught but Smash misses the elbow. DiBiase comes back in with those falling punches of his which get two.

It’s chinlock time with a knee in Smash’s back. DiBiase misses a middle rope back elbow of all things but Smash won’t tag for some reason. Barbarian makes a blind tag so the hot shot Smash hits on DiBiase doesn’t count and Barbarian takes his head off with a top rope clothesline for the pin. Jake comes in next but he can’t DDT Barbarian. Barbie whips Jake into the corner with authority although I’m not sure who’s authority it was.

Back to Warlord as things slow down a lot due to exhaustion. Jake dives for a tag but DiBiase slaps Hogan to draw him in instead. DiBiase piledrives Jake but Roberts gets a foot on the ropes to Jesse’s annoyance. Barbarian misses a headbutt and there’s the hot tag to Barbarian. He cleans house and gets two on Barbarian off a big boot. A suplex gets the same and my goodness how rare is it to see Hogan get a two count? Hogan fights off both Powers of Pain but they catch him in a spike piledriver which is good for a DQ for both of them, making it Hogan/Roberts vs. DiBiase.

Dibiase drops knees on Hogan before slapping on the Million Dollar Dream. That eventually gets two arm drops and Jake makes the save. That’s actually a nice touch as it makes the hold look stronger by needing a save instead of Hogan saving himself. Hogan finally breaks the hold and punches a jumping DiBiase. Hot tag brings in the Snake who cleans house. Jake drives in knees on DiBiase’s head as Hogan is dying in the corner.

Here’s Virgil to interfere and take the DDT. DiBiase drops a fist on Jake and puts his feet on the ropes to steal the pin. Ted pounds on Hogan who is still reeling from the long Million Dollar Dream. I’ll give him credit as that’s some great selling of a hold like that. Off to a chinlock and Hogan taps, which wouldn’t mean a thing for years. Hogan breaks the hold but they clothesline each other. DiBiase belly to back suplexes him and it’s Hulk Up time. You know the rest and there’s the legdrop.

Rating: C. There’s one major problem with this match: the first four minutes of this match give away the ending almost immediately. How can you give Hogan, Roberts and Demolitio a man advantage that fast? I’m not saying Hogan should have lost, but the Zeus stuff could have come later in the match and worked much better. Have Zeus stand on the apron most of the match and it would have worked fine. The fans finally reacted though.

Time for a six man at SNME XXVIII.

Ultimate Warrior/Legion of Doom vs. Demolition

Has there ever been a better collection of theme music in one match? The LOD cost Demolition the tag belts and Warrior is there….uh because. This would be a Survivor Series match in a month with Hennig and Tornado joining them. Piper points this out. We get a shot of Dustin Rhodes in the crowd. Keep that in mind as it’ll come into play later on. Warrior comes in and just destroys people.

The splash misses Axe though and he’s Smash. Demolition was more or less worthless by this point and would get squashed at Mania and be done. Hawk comes in and just wipes them out. You can see the crushing of them beginning. He continues the trend of beating all of Demolition by himself. Everybody comes in and brawls but Smash is more or less dead and gets caught by the splash for the pin. This was domination in every sense of the word.

Rating: D. Just not interesting at all as Demolition was made to look like a bunch of jobbers here. I don’t think anyone ever bought them anymore once the LOD showed up. Not the worst match ever, but a little challenge would have been nice. I still can’t believe we never got the big tag match with Demolition vs. the LOD. It should have written itself.

Off to Prime Time Wrestling on May 14, 1991 for a rare singles match.

Smash vs. Jake Roberts

Jake chases him to the floor but gets caught in a wristlock to slow things down. Roberts fights up with some punches before taking over on the arm as well. There’s the knee lift but Smash bails away from the DDT. Back in and Jake is sent hard into the corner but Smash charges into a knee in the corner. Mr. Fuji uses his cane to break up a DDT attempt and Smash gets two off a side suplex. Not that it matters though as Jake floats over and plants Smash with the DDT for the pin.

Rating: D. Nothing to see here but did anyone consider Smash to be a serious opponent for a guy like Roberts? Demolition was dead in the water at this point and Smash would quickly be repackaged into the Repo Man. Jake on the other hand would turn heel and become one of the best villains in recent memory.

Speaking of Repo Man, here he is in one of the few logical stories he ever had. From This Tuesday In Texas.

Ted DiBiase/Repo Man vs. Virgil/Tito Santana

One thing modern WWE programming is great about is recapping stuff. That helps a ton as to someone that is randomly seeing this, this match makes NO sense. In reality, DiBiase had said that Virgil had stolen the Million Dollar Belt and recruited Repo Man to help him get it back, which worked. Since we need to fill in a match slot here, Tito joined Virgil and we get this match. The faces are already in the ring so what do you expect to happen here?

Virgil’s career is in essence over as far as importance goes here. He just had nothing to do once he left DiBiase and that singles feud went on about as long as it could so the WWF kept it going for another few months after it. Repo here is of course Smash from Demolition if you weren’t aware of that. Santana is more or less worthless here as El Matador.

The problem is that after that, no one remembered the great work he did as Tito Santana, as he was just remembered for the stupid gimmick that he did. As for the match, there’s not a lot to say. It’s your standard filler tag match that could have been on any house show or TV show of the era. I don’t know if it’s good enough for here but we’ll see I guess. Repo Man and DiBiase might be the weirdest combination of all time.

The main problem here is that there’s no point to having Santana in there. He didn’t have any feud with either guy that I can remember other than a few random matches with Repo that would have happened just because they were on the same level of the card. This is just a weird combination to have. The wrestling is fine, but it just comes off as weird all around. The match itself is once again the same kind of match that you would expect to see at a house show or on TV.

It’s actually not bad to be fair. It’s nothing to go out of your way to see, but I don’t have a problem with it being on a low level Tuesday PPV. The problem here is that Virgil is the guy that’s getting the hot tag. How is that appealing? With Sherri making a distraction, Repo hits him in the back with a knee to allow DiBiase to get the pin.

Rating: C. This was ok I guess, but it wasn’t anything great. The faces were just overly matched here and it was really easy to tell that. The formula worked fine here as it ca be expected with guys like DiBiase and Santana out there though, so that balances out I guess. This was pure filler.

We’ll jump ahead to Wrestlemania VIII for an eight man tag.

Jim Duggan/Sgt. Slaughter/Virgil/Big Boss Man vs. Nasty Boys/Moutnie/Repo Man

Just a collection of lower midcard guys getting a Wrestlemania payday here. Neither team gets an entrance. Instead, Ray Combs of Family Feud is guest ring announcer for this and cracks a few jokes about the heels pre-match. The good guys clean house to start and hit a quadruple clothesline to clear the ring. Heenan announces that Shawn Michaels has left the building. Gorilla sums up our responses: “WHO CARES???”

Anyway Duggan and Sags start things off and it’s Jim hitting a few clotheslines to take over. Off to Slaughter who gets poked in the eye, allowing for the tag to Knobs. Slaughter pounds away to take over before it’s off to Boss Man for a boot to the face. Brian avoids a charge into the corner and Boss Man’s splash misses Repo Man as well, giving the heels control for a bit. Repo crotches himself and Boss Man slugs him down for good measure.

Off to Virgil who seems to mess up almost anything where he jumps into the air. Duggan tries to come in to save his partner but it’s back to Sags to beat on Virgil even more. A pumphandle slam gets two on Virgil and it’s back to Mountie. Everything breaks down and in the melee the Nastys are rammed together, allowing Virgil to steal the pin.

Rating: D. As I said, this was nothing more than a way to throw a bunch of guys onto the show at the same time. This was a much better idea than having four matches eat up a few minutes each as it accomplishes the same goal here. They were out there as filler before the world title match and there’s nothing wrong with that at all.

Here’s a quick match from Summerslam 1992.

Repo Man vs. Crush

Repo tries to jump Crush but has no effect and earns himself a gorilla press slam. We head to the floor for a clothesline from Crush before heading back inside for some kicks to Repo’s ribs. Crush pounds on the ribs even more and hits a backbreaker, only to be poked in the eye to break the momentum. Repo hits a belly to back suplex but Crush no sells it and snaps off a belly to belly. A top rope knee drop misses and Repo goes after the knee with some very basic stuff. An elbow drop gets two and Crush easily fights up, catches Repo coming off the top in a powerslam and hooks the Head Vice for the submission.

Rating: D. This was a glorified squash to make Crush look good. They were this close to making Crush the next big thing in 1993 so seeing him look good here isn’t surprising at all. Repo Man is really impressive as he went from Smash to the new gimmick so smoothly that I didn’t realize it was the same guy until years later.

We’ll jump to WCW now with Darsow as the Black Top Bully, an evil truck driver. From SuperBrawl V.

Blacktop Bully vs. Dustin Rhodes

Bully is more commonly known as Smash or Repo Man. This is seriously the best they could put together? Dustin would be fired for the rematch: the King of the Road match, where the idea was they were in the back of a big truck which was driving along the road and the first person to pull a horn got the win. It’s somehow worse than it sounds but we’ll get to that later. Meng is thrown out before the match starts.

This is seriously Dustin Rhodes against the battling truck driver. Dustin is wearing gold by the way. That’s rather amusing. Naturally this is mainly a fight. I can’t get over the fact that this feud was already in FREAKING WARGAMES and we’re still having it here, 5 months later. Seriously, what in the world could there be left to fight about? The scary thing is that the feud ended because Dustin got fired, not because the feud itself ended.

Bully’s finisher is called the Breaker 1 9. Oh dear indeed. They’re having Smash work a ten minute plus technical match. Honestly, who thought this was smart? You have Sting and Savage in the next match and this is going to get more time than that. You could serious watch this match in fast forward and you wouldn’t miss anything. I mean it’s the same stuff over and over again with nothing new added in at all.

Unless you like hearing truck driving jokes from Tony and hearing him worship Dusty Rhodes which could take all day then there’s no reason to watch this. Rhodes is in trouble and Heenan says come on Bully, give him that parking ticket. In other words, Heenan is so gone that for one thing, he thinks that sounds good and number two, he thinks truck drivers have the authority to give parking tickets.

We spend three minutes talking about that Rhodes fire. And don’t let me get started about how many Rhodes and driving a truck on said Rhodes jokes they used. Dustin suplexes Parker in and that’s apparently a big deal. Never mind the whole double cage match where Dustin got to beat the living tar out of him. In one of the most clichéd endings there is, Dustin goes for a suplex and Parker hooks his foot so that Bully is able to get the pin. Heenan must have had a shot as he’s slurring again.

Rating: G. This is beyond failing. Let me make this clear: Goldust and Repo Man had an 18 minute match where we had non-stop truck driver jokes. We kept hearing about that stupid top wristlock (yes, that’s what Darsow’s finisher was. Smash’s real name is Barry Darsow in case you didn’t know) and we never even see it. This is now I believe the standard method of torture in 9 states.

And it somehow got worse. From Uncensored 1995.

Blacktop Bully vs. Dustin Rhodes

For some reason WCW thought this was a good idea. See if you can figure this out: they’re in the back of a truck driving around Atlanta. The winner is the first person to get to the end of the truck and pull a horn. Both guys bladed which was illegal at the time and were fired for it. There are bales of hay in the back of it also. Yep, WCW isn’t a hick company AT ALL. Oh hey let’s get a police escort and a helicopter too.

This must have been SO fun for the people in the arena. I mean my goodness: SOMEONE GOT PAID FOR THIS!!! The problem here is that no one can actually stand up at all as they’re IN A MOVING TRUCK! Two idiots have to actually sit in the cab and watch this. Seriously, WHO CAME UP WITH THIS IDEA??? Yep there goes the sunlight. Oh I forgot to mention: this has been edited to Zimbabwe and back so the light changes about every 5 seconds.

Hey, let’s run a stop sign on film and show a shot of the truck driver for no apparent reason. They aren’t even really fighting. It’s them wandering from one end of the truck to another and hitting the other guy with a bale of hay. And all of a sudden Dustin is 8 feet away from where he was a second ago. Not to mention they had to rent the truck. The camera work here is crap as we can’t let anyone see blood. Nothing dumb about this AT ALL.

They actually call this a match. I’m stunned. Hey something good happens for once: the camera in the helicopter breaks up. Someone up there likes me. Oh hey, let’s sit on the side of a moving truck and hang off the side while a guy punches me. Nothing bad can happen from this. This has been going on over 8 minutes and they might have interacted for 50 seconds total. Other than that it’s stumbling around and trying to grab the horn.

It’s also gotten lighter so apparently this has gone on all night. It certainly feels like it. They’re up on the beam together and Dustin gets knocked off, allowing the Bully to pull the horn and win I guess. In the arena fireworks go off. This is a BAD idea already isn’t it?

Rating: H. As in HOLY GOODNESS WHAT IN THE WORLD WERE THEY SMOKING TO COME UP WITH THIS????? Do I even need to make fun of this? Dustin took off and put on his shirt twice, yet you never saw him do it once. See what I’m working with here? The blading in the match would get Dustin fired and get him a job in WWF as Goldust, making it the best thing he ever could have done.

Darsow would be brought back in to WCW for a few shots on Nitro, including this one on March 9, 1998.

Goldberg vs. Barry Darsow

Darsow is more famous as Smash from Demolition or Repo Man. He’s just Barry Darsow, guy in trunks here though. Goldberg immediately takes him down by the leg before running Barry over with a shoulder block. A lariat sends Darsow to the floor and Goldberg rams him into the barricade and post. Goldberg misses a shoulder into the post though and Darsow goes after the arm. The arm is sent into the buckle but Goldberg snaps awake and hits the spear and Jackhammer for the quick pin.

And again on Nitro, September 21, 1998.

Finlay vs. Barry Darsow

They circle each other until Darsow hammers him into the corner but Finlay uppercuts him back. We hit an early nerve hold on Barry followed by a simple pull of the face but Darsow comes back with choking and a chinlock. Finlay counters a piledriver attempt and the tombstone is enough to pin Barry.

Rating: D. Pretty boring brawl for the most part here with Darsow not being interesting at all. Finlay was a decent enough midcarder but he needed more to work with out there. I’ve never understood the mentality behind booking these meaningless matches in the first hour. You have an uncontested hour with no Raw and this is how you use it?

One more time with Darsow as a golfer named Mr. Hole In One Barry Darsow on Saturday Night, December 19, 1998.

Barry Darsow vs. Kaz Hayashi

Darsow comes out with a bag of clubs and unrolls a mini putting green. He says he got two holes in one in a single round last week. Kaz says he’s played golf before but there may be some communication issues as he can only say yes. Hayashi has to sink a put in order to get a match with Darsow but he doesn’t seem to understand. Kaz puts the clubs in the bag and shoves it over, only to get nailed from behind. Darsow ties him in the Tree of Woe and hammers away but has his golf club taken away. A slam onto the putting green is enough for a DQ.

Much like Barbarian, Darsow is a guy that managed to stick around for a long time but in a different way. Unlike Barbarian, Darsow would take on whatever stupid character he was given and actually seemed to try, which is more than you can say for a lot of people. No he didn’t do much outside of being part of Demolition, but you can’t say he did the same thing over and over again for years.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Thunder
Date: May 27, 1999
Location: North Charleston Coliseum, North Charleston, South Carolina
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Larry Zbyszko

Believe it or not things are looking up just a bit in WCW. The most recent Nitro was just a disaster instead of the worst show ever. There is an interesting story coming up with the old guard not being happy with the lack of respect they’ve been getting from the younger crowd, which led to Benoit and Malenko turning on Flair earlier this week. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video of Savage’s recent path of destruction, even though his girls have done most of the work.

The announcers do their thing. It’s Sting vs. Rick Steiner in a cage on Nitro.

Lash Leroux vs. Kaz Hayashi

Leroux takes him down to start and works on the arm before putting Kaz on the mat again with an armdrag. Back up and Kaz offers a handshake, only to kick Leroux in the ribs instead. A dropkick puts Leroux down again but he avoids a spinwheel kick, only to get caught in a backslide for two. Things slow down a bit as Kaz gets into kick and chop mode before dropping an elbow.

We cut to the back to see Savage and the girls because this is his company now. Savage is looking for Bagwell but beats up Disco Inferno and Scotty Riggs instead. Back to the match happening in the background, Leroux hammers away in the corner with right hands. We get more kicks from Kaz because he’s from Japan, meaning he only knows how to kick you see. He mixes things up by going to the eyes, only to have the fans chant that both guys suck.

Leroux comes back with some very basic offense before a kind of sitout Dominator for two. The Whiplash is countered and Kaz kicks him in the ribs again, followed by a quick hurricanrana. Lash crotches him on top but gets shoved right down, only to dropkick a diving Hayashi out of the air. Now it’s Lash going up but getting superplexed down, setting up a top rope senton splash to give Kaz the pin.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t bad but the Savage thing put a big halt in the middle of it. These are the kind of guys that WCW could use to help flesh out the cruiserweight division a bit and thankfully they were able to have a match without Hugh Morrus interfering and eliminating them both. This is what Thunder should be about: showcasing guys that don’t get time on Nitro.

Van Hammer vs. Prince Iaukea

Time for more of Hammer’s latest push that won’t go anywhere. Iaukea tries to speed things up to start and actually hits an enziguri to stagger the big man before dropping him with a springboard dropkick. Not that it matters as Hammer kicks Iaukea’s head off to put him on the floor. The beating continues outside until Hammer launches him back inside. We cut to UFC fighter Tank Abbott in the front row. UFC wasn’t a huge thing yet as they had only had nineteen shows at this point. Abbott had fought for them as recently as October 1998.

Iaukea gets sent into the apron a few times and goes head first into the steps. Back in and we hit the bearug for a bit with Iaukea saving himself using the power of a hard head. He tries to slam Hammer and gets crushed for two for his efforts. Iaukea goes back up and gets crotched, setting up a superplex (same sequence from the first match) followed by the cobra clutch slam for the pin.

Rating: D. When I was talking about showcasing talent that doesn’t get the spotlight on Nitro, I meant guys that you would want to see getting spotlight like that. Instead here we had two guys who either aren’t interesting or haven’t been interesting in years. Thankfully it was a pretty short match but anytime Iaukea is out there it gets painful.

Video on Nash vs. Savage.

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Video from Nitro of Savage attacking Nash and lipsticking him.

Gene brings out Savage and the girls for a chat. Savage thinks Nash fears him, that Bagwell disrespected him, and that he’ll take the title at the Bash. The girls all think Savage rocks and that’s about it. This really didn’t need to be an in ring segment.

The Cat vs. Vampiro

This is the result of an open challenge after Cat ripped on Scott Norton, calling him Yogi Bearer for some reason. Sonny Onoo offers Vampiro money to leave, allowing Miller to get in some cheap shots from behind. Vampiro comes back with kicks to the ribs and ducks a kick that winds up hitting Sonny. More shots to the face have Miller in trouble but he nails Vampiro low to escape. It doesn’t seem to have a long lasting effect though as Vampiro keeps kicking and nails a Rock Bottom. Onoo knees him in the back though and Miller finishes Vampiro quick with the Feliner.

Benoit goes into Flair’s office to yell at him but Page jumps Chris from behind and beats him down.

Here’s Brian Knobs with something to say. He brags about being hardcore and all that jazz until Jimmy Hart interrupts. Jimmy says he managed Brian in the past and wants him back for the First Family. Brian isn’t sure but will think about it.

Clip from Nitro of Flair and Piper fighting.

Clip from Nitro of Hennig and Konnan fighting.

Konnan vs. Kenny Kaos

We get a bunch of catchphrases from Konnan followed by him praising all of his friends. Feeling out process to start until Kaos’ wristlock is countered with an armdrag. Kaos drops him again with a a clothesline and elbow before we hit the way too early chinlock. Back up and Konnan hits his wrap around bulldog and the low dropkick followed by some right hands in the corner.

A few clotheslines and a suplex get two on Konnan and we hit another chinlock. Kaos shouts at the crowd a lot and gets caught in a DDT for a quick two. We get the usual from Konnan but he charges into a powerslam. Kaos goes up, misses a guillotine legdrop and gets caught in the Tequila Sunrise for the submission.

Rating: D. Gah these matches can be dull. Kaos is a guy that doesn’t have anything going for him and Konnan is suddenly all cool with Nash again despite having issues with him just a few months back. This was just wrestling to fill in space on a card which can be the least interesting things imaginable when there’s no motivation.

This Week In WCW Motorsports.

Video on Nash.

Lenny Lane vs. Evan Karagias

Evan hammers away to start and grabs a hammerlock before dropkicking him down. A clothesline puts Lane on the floor and here’s Lodi to watch they match. Lane sends Evan into the apron and then the steps before they head back inside for an elbow from Lenny. He sees Lodi and….doesn’t seem to mind. Evan jumps over him in the corner and drives in ten right hands. A springboard clothesline gets two on Lenny but he grabs an airplane spin of all things.

Evan gets dropped with a gutbuster as Lodi seems very pleased. Back up and Karagias gets two off a cross body. Lodi: “Looking really, really good.” Evan pops back to his feet and floats around into a faceplant. A cross body gets a delayed two but Lane gets Karagias onto his shoulders for an electric chair slam for two. Not that it matters as Evan slams him down and hits a corkscrew splash for the pin.

Rating: D+. This could have been worse and was somehow a breath of fresh air after all of the boring stuff we’ve sat through for the last hour or so. That being said, I have a bad feeling about where the Lodi stuff is going as it’s likely going to be yet another big embarrassment for the company.

From Nitro: Piper yells about Flair a lot.

Video on Sting/Luger vs. the Steiners.

Gene talks to Tank Abbott at ringside and Tank doesn’t seem to be all that happy with what he’s seen so far. This hardcore division is a joke and the wrestlers all look pathetic. Gene says there’s going to be a “shoot” cage match on Monday between Sting and Rick Steiner, which Tank of course laughs off. This brings out Rick Steiner to yell, start a fight, and get pulled away. He wants Abbott to come to Nitro as Tank is taken out by security.

Recap of Flair giving the Jersey boys the Tag Team Title shot and the Horsemen quitting as a result.

Chris Benoit vs. Diamond Dallas Page

This has potential. Benoit comes out to what used to be Dean’s theme for some reason. They immediately slug it out to start and Benoit has him in the Crossface fifteen seconds in. Page gets to the ropes and bails to the floor, only to have Chris take him out with a dive. He sends Page head first into the post but walks into a knee back inside. A belly to back suplex puts the Canadian down but Benoit just chops him into the corner and stomps him in the chest.

Page gets back up and counters a whip with an elbow to the jaw to put both guys down. They roll outside with Page being sent into various steel objects, only to send Benoit into the barricade as we take a break. Back with Benoit catching Page coming in but his right hands in the corner are countered with a low blow and hot shot. A stomping puts Benoit on the floor before a big gutbuster has him in trouble back inside.

Benoit gets tied up in the Tree of Woe for another stomping. We hit the chinlock, complete with something like a chinlock slam for two. Off to a sleeper on Benoit but he jawbreaks his way to freedom. Some running right hands put Page down and a bridging German suplex gets two. That’s not enough for Benoit so he rolls some more Germans until Page breaks it up with a low blow. A big sitout powerbomb gives Page a near fall but Benoit counters the Cutter and puts on the Crossface in the middle of the ring. Since we can’t have someone lose clean around here though, Bigelow runs out for the DQ.

Rating: B-. This took its time to get going but once they got to the trading big moves section, they really started to cook. The ending was inevitable though as they couldn’t put Benoit over because Page has a title shot coming up and you don’t want to put Page over because Benoit is coming off a big turn. Good match though and a nice pick up after the bad show so far.

Flair, Bigelow and Page beat down Benoit and no one makes the save.

Another video on Nash vs. Savage.

Randy Savage vs. Buff Bagwell

After some jawing from both guys and a few Nash insults from Savage, the girls shove Bagwell to give Macho the early advantage. Savage busts out a wide variety of choking before taking it outside to drop Buff’s throat on the barricade. Back in and Miss Madness nails a top rope missile dropkick to prove her worth. Savage ties Bagwell in the Tree of Woe before choking even more. Off to a neck hold as Patrick yells at two of the girls, allowing George to use her shoe on Buff’s throat. Savage yells at Patrick so he actually gets a chair to defend himself. That’s fine with Randy, who takes the chair away and nails Buff for the DQ.

Rating: D. If this is supposed to get Bagwell over, they’re doing a horrible job of going about it. This was a total squash until Bagwell won on a DQ due to stealing a referee’s weapon. Again, the girls help him out WAY too much as well, even though in this case he could have won on his own pretty easily.

Overall Rating: D. Somehow this was an upgrade over some of the recent shows. Above all else, there was nowhere near as much talking on this show. That being said, it meant that we had a lot more time for wrestling, and that has rarely been Thunder’s strong point. The Benoit vs. Page match was good and a very nice break from the norm, but this old vs. new thing has a big hole to dig them out of.

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