Smackdown – March 17, 2016: Why Can’t Raw Do That?
Smackdown Date: March 17, 2016
Location: US Bank Arena, Cincinnati, Ohio
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Mauro Ranallo, Byron Saxton
This is one of the three final episodes before Wrestlemania XXXII in April and things are….interesting. This past Monday saw the return of Roman Reigns, who showed some of the fire that made him a success near the end of the year. The question now though is how much of that will stick around and how much will be a return to his not so successful form. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of Reign returning to attack HHH, resulting in the champ needing six staples to close the gash in his head.
Here’s Reigns, again down the ramp which seems to be his new norm, to open things up. The fans aren’t sure what to think of him to start but says that footage shows what HHH gets for running his mouth. Reigns believes in the big fight, which is what knocked HHH into next week. It’s a good thing that HHH isn’t in the building tonight because Reigns would beat him again just as badly. Not because he wants to you see, but because he can. At Wrestlemania in Dallas, Reigns is going to hold the title over HHH’s body because he can and HHH needs to believe that.
This wasn’t a great promo but above all else it was short. That’s been Roman’s big downfall: they leave him out there for so long that Reigns gets lost because he’s just not that great of a talker. However, showing how strong of a fighter he is on Monday and then having him talk about it here in a three minute speech is the best path they can go with. If they can just avoid him being booed out of the building (remember that the next two Raw’s are in Philadelphia and New York) before Wrestlemania, things will be as good as they can be.
We look back at Chris Jericho splitting up the partnership with AJ Styles and then getting laid out by Styles on Monday (in what was apparently an improvised segment due to the Neville injury).
Styles says the fans can chant for whoever they want because this is WWE. This Monday felt so good….and here’s Kevin Owens. Kevin thinks AJ sounds just like Sami Zayn with all this whining. Maybe they can have their own show on the WWE Network where they hold each other and cry. AJ talks about how Owens is just like Jericho with their insecurity. Owens says the easiest answer would be they’re both from Canada but that’s not what matters. It’s the Intercontinental Title that really matters but AJ thinks it’s more important that they’re having a match tonight (BIG pop for that).
The Miz vs. Dolph Ziggler
Ranallo brings up the horribly tired Battle of Ohio idea for this match. Ziggler takes it to the mat for an early front facelock but Miz reverses into a small package. They fight over headlocks because there’s almost nothing left for these two to fight over these days. Ranallo keeps up the lame references by bringing up Donald Trump and Rosie O’Donnell. Of all the people Trump is associated with and feuding with these days, the best he’s got it Rosie O’Donnell?
Ziggler pulls Miz to the mat again and drops some elbows but gets sent chest first into the buckle as we take a break. Back with Miz getting two off a top rope ax handle and slapping on a body scissors. Ziggler fights up again with his running clotheslines and a neckbreaker, followed by a sunset flip for two. He takes too much time getting up though and it’s time for the Figure Four. Ziggler is quickly in the ropes though and a superkick puts Miz away at 10:40.
Rating: C. These guys are on that dreaded list of people I do not need to see fight ever again. If the Battle of Ohio is really the best thing they can come up with for a quick story then it’s clear that they need to move on with both guys. Hopefully the two of them are in the battle royal instead of squeezed into the Intercontinental Title match as has been rumored as neither is interesting enough for that spot at the moment.
We look at Ryback challenging Kalisto for a US Title match at Wrestlemania.
Kalisto accepted the challenge.
We look back at Mick Foley giving Dean Ambrose the barbed wire baseball bat.
Earlier today, Dean was here in his hometown of Cincinnati and loves every bit of it. Brock Lesnar may have been trained to fight in the UFC but on the streets of this city, every day is Wrestlemania because you fight every day and night. Pressure like that makes diamonds and Brock better be ready because nothing hurts like an education. I love these on location promos as they give things such a sense of importance and realism.
Jackie Moore Hall of Fame video.
Bubba Ray Dudley vs. Goldust
D-Von gets a table out just a few seconds after the bell, drawing a very nice reaction from the crowd. The distraction lets Bubba send Goldust into the buckle a few times, all while calling Goldust a freak. After Bubba shouts about Goldust having face paint just like the Usos, Goldust starts a comeback with right hands, only to run into an elbow to the jaw. Goldust hammers away in the corner and scores with the bulldog for two. A quick D-Von distraction pays off though and Bubba kicks Goldust in the face for the pin at 3:23.
Rating: D. What are you expecting from a match that seems designed to just set up the Usos vs. Dudley Boyz match? Goldust and Bubba Ray Dudley being around in 2016 is some combination of amazing and sad, though the fact that they certainly didn’t embarrass themselves out there is a good sign.
Post match R-Truth comes out for the save but gets beaten down as well. The Usos come out for the real save.
Here’s Charlotte (dressing more like Nikki Bella every day) for a face to face to face meeting with Becky Lynch and Sasha Banks. Charlotte gets right to the point by saying she’s known the two of them (not out here yet) for most of her adult life. They’ve done it all together but she wouldn’t be standing here today if not for the two of them. Becky comes out on her own and Charlotte isn’t sure what to think of it, so here’s Sasha a few seconds later. Well that was kind of pointless. Charlotte: “You finally showed up.” Sasha: “Child please, I am not on your schedule.”
Charlotte brings up their past in NXT and tells a story about calling her dad when she met the two of them. Ric thought they sounded like the Horsemen but Charlotte thought they were the Horsewomen. Over time she started to accept the idea but now she owes Ric an apology because these two could NEVER be the Horsewomen.
That’s enough for Becky, who goes on a rant about how you can call her whatever she wants but at Wrestlemania she’s going to be the one ripping Charlotte’s arm off and becoming Divas Champion. Sasha says sorry boo boos (yes boo boos) but she’s the one who took the NXT Women’s Title from Charlotte and the only one who hasn’t been beaten in WWE. Charlotte watches as Becky and Sasha argue over jewelry but they quickly go after the champ, sending her running off. Another good segment here as I want to see the match more than I did coming in.
Here’s New Day for Kofi Kingston’s match but they’re swinging trash bags. After looking at a video of their beatdown, Woods says they’re fine after that beatdown because they’ve been eating their Bootyo’s. Now some people might think that they couldn’t do anything after a beating like that, which sends Big E. into a perfect 1980s style over the top promo that you see when someone is pretending to be pretending to be a wrestler.
That brings them to the trash bags, which represent a member of the League of Nations each. Each one is punted out of the ring, accompanied by a good imitation of each member. The challenge for a three on two Tag Team Title match is accepted for Wrestlemania, which certainly should be interesting to see.
Kofi Kingston vs. King Barrett
Kofi takes him straight into the corner for a one man Unicorn Stampede, meaning it’s time for a seven man staredown as we take a way too early break. Back with Kofi firing off the kicks to the legs but getting distracted by the League, allowing Barrett to kick him in the face to take over.
We get some clubbing (yes clubbing I say) forearms to the back for two, only to have Kofi come back with a spinning cross body for the same. Winds of Change is countered with a backflip into a DDT (sweet move) but Woods and Del Rio get on the apron. Everything breaks down on the floor and it’s Kofi grabbing a rollup (and trunks) for the pin on Barrett at 7:51.
Rating: C. Another simple match here and it’s amazing to see how easily New Day is slipping into their face role. They haven’t officially turned yet but you know it’s going to come the night after Wrestlemania at the very latest. Kofi is so smooth in the ring and I’d love to see him get a strong singles run after New Day breaks up one day.
Dean is in a bar and talks how much you grow up here. You start thinking about the fights you’ve won and the fights you’ve lost, but above all else you start thinking about fighting for pride. At Wrestlemania, he’s bringing Cincinnati with him and Lesnar better be ready.
Long recap of Vince, Shane and Undertaker from Raw.
The Social Outcasts are sitting on the apron and promise to be the first team to win the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal together. That idea lasts all of three seconds (the amount of time between Dallas saying it and Slater starting to talk) before they argue over who will be winning.
Cue Dean with a kendo stick to hammer all four of them (drawing your required Cincinnati Reds reference), sending the Outcasts running. Dean has heard that Brock is going to be in Boston next week for Smackdown because everyone knew he wasn’t coming to Cincinnati. If Brock is going to be here next week, Dean will be right there with him for the fight that Brock walked away from on Raw. More good stuff here.
AJ Styles vs. Kevin Owens
Non-title. We start fast with AJ’s drop down into the dropkick as Lawler makes fun of Ranallo calling everything AJ does phenomenal. The springboard forearm is countered into a gutbuster and the backsplash crushes Styles. We take a break and come back with fighting out of Chinlock City and blocking another backsplash with raised knees. Owens: “Ranallo shut up! I can hear you from here you idiot!”
AJ gets in the running forearm to a seated Owens and sends him outside for a slingshot forearm. Back in and Owens’ package piledriver slam (called a Blue Thunder Bomb by Ranallo, which isn’t exactly what I would call the move) gets two but AJ kicks him in the head. They slug it out with AJ getting the best of it until he misses a spinning backfist and eats a superkick.
The Pop Up Powerbomb is countered and AJ actually torture racks him into a spinning powerbomb for two. I always love seeing a surprise move like that as it keeps you from getting bored with the same stuff over and over. AJ heads up but has to knock Owens off the top, only to have Jericho come out to break up the Phenomenal Forearm. Styles takes WAY too long getting back inside and it’s the Pop Up Powerbomb for the pin at 11:43.
Rating: B. This was getting really good until the ending but that worked well too. Styles losing is fine here as Jericho cost him the fall to make sure it wasn’t clean. They’ve done a very good job of making AJ look like a big deal and it’s even better when Owens gets a nice win as well. Really nice main event here and I’d love to see them get more time in a big match later.
Post match Jericho gives AJ a Codebreaker and mocks the AJ STYLES chants to end the show. Jericho continues to nail this heel run like he hasn’t in years.
Overall Rating: B-. YES. This is the kind of show that WWE has been needing for a long time now as it actually felt like they were setting up something special at Wrestlemania. You had nearly every match get a strong build (save for the Cell and they’re messing that enough up on Raw every single week) and now I want to see more of the matches than I did coming in. This might not have been the highest quality show but it was an important one given how horrible the build has been to this point.
Results
Dolph Ziggler b. The Miz – Superkick
Bubba Ray Dudley b. Goldust – Big boot
Kofi Kingston b. King Barrett – Rollup with a handful of trunks
Kevin Owens b. AJ Styles – Pop Up Powerbomb
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume IV at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
NXT Date: March 16, 2016
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Corey Graves
Takeover is looming and we finally have a main event for the show. Last week Samoa Joe beat Sami Zayn in a two out of three falls match to earn the title shot against NXT Champion Finn Balor in just over two weeks. The rest of the card is mostly set as well and it should be interesting to see where things go from here. Let’s get to it.
We open with a long recap of Joe beating Zayn last week.
Opening sequence.
Here’s Sami Zayn to get things going. Last week he went to war against a 300lb Samoan and for those of you who have never done that, it’s really not that fun. Sami isn’t the slightest bit ashamed of what happened last week and if he had fingers just a few inches longer, he might be going to Takeover for the title shot.
Either way though, Sami wants to do something special in Dallas and here’s Commissioner William Regal with an announcement. Sami does indeed deserve something special in Dallas so here’s his opponent: SHINSUKE NAKAMURA, who pops up on screen to say that he’s coming to NXT. As you might expect, the fans go INSANE.
Hype Bros vs. Angelo Dawkins/Kenneth Crawford
Rawley is a big crowd favorite to start and shoves Crawford around the ring early on. Dawkins comes in so Mojo starts doing some football drills to keep him in the corner. A big shot drops Dawkins and Mojo declares that both of them ain’t hyped. Ryder comes in for some of his signature stuff before bringing Rawley back in to clean house. A discus punch from Rawley sets up the Hype Ryder to put Crawford away at 3:24.
Rating: D+. Just a squash here as the Hype Bros continue to be an entertaining act and get to build themselves up before being fed to some other team who can beat them on their way to a title shot. Not bad or anything here and it’s a really good sign that there are jobbers who you recognize instead of bigger names losing all the time.
Video on NXT at the Arnold Classic, complete with a cameo by Arnold himself.
Emma and Dana Brooke run into Deonna Purrazzo and laugh about her loss a few weeks back. Deonna is ready for Emma tonight and trash is spoken. Dana promises that Emma will take it seriously but pats Deonna on the head anyway.
Deonna Purrazzo vs. Emma
Emma takes her down to start and stands on Deonna’s hair like only a villain can. Some choking sets up the former Emma Sandwich for two before it’s off to the chinlock. Deonna fights back with a few elbows to the chin but misses a charge into the corner, setting up the Dilemma. Dana is very pleased as the Emma Lock makes Deonna tap at 3:49.
Rating: D+. Emma and Dana are similar to the Hype Bros as they’re not likely to ever get the title on their own but defeating them could look like a big deal for the right opponent. Assuming Asuka takes the title from Bayley in Texas, Emma (or Dana if she’s ever healthy) could be a good choice for a TV challenger before Asuka fights a refocused Nia Jax.
Tommaso Ciampa vs. Jesse Sorensen
Ciampa is very aggressive to start and pounds Jesse into the corner, including a hard running knee to the head. A discus lariat gets two but Jesse actually makes a comeback with a good looking dropkick. Sorensen gets caught on top though, allowing Ciampa to drive a knee through Jesse’s legs into the chest for a unique looking move. That floatover armbar makes Jesse tap at 2:30. Ciampa looked good here, maybe as good as he has aside from that match against Joe.
We look at Asuka saving Bayley from Nia Jax and Eva Marie.
Nia Jax/Eva Marie vs. Bayley/Asuka
Bayley and Nia get things going and the champ is thrown into the corner for the tag off to Eva. That’s just fine with Bayley as she easily takes Eva to the mat and brings in Asuka. The rapid knees and kicks have Eva looking….well moderately annoyed because she doesn’t know how to sell anything. It’s back to Bayley but Nia gets a blind tag and plants her with a Samoan drop. Eva comes in again to crank on both arms but Bayley pops up because she’s Bayley and it’s Eva Marie. Nia comes in and accidentally drops a leg on Eva, allowing the Bayley to Belly to put Eva away at 4:01.
Rating: C. There’s something about that charisma that Bayley brings to any arena that always makes me smile. She’s just hard not to like and it helps that she’s wrestling like a main event star now instead of a goofy comedy wrestler. Hopefully this wraps up Eva and Nia for now and they’ll split soon like they should have before they got together in the first place.
Post match Bayley and Asuka stand next to each other, allowing Regal to come out and make Asuka #1 contender for Dallas.
We look back at Baron Corbin beating up Austin Aries two weeks ago.
Aries is at his home for a satellite interview. He received a lot of offers to wrestle around the world but NXT was where he wanted to go. After the attack, Regal came and apologized to him but there was nothing to be sorry for. Corbin should have attacked him at his face because Aries has been a champion everywhere he’s gone. Aries hasn’t been handed anything because he earned his NXT contract. It wasn’t because he’s 6’6 and 300lbs but because he’s earned it over the last ten years. In Dallas on April 1, Corbin is going to learn that it’s a great day to be great but a bad day to be Baron Corbin.
American Alpha vs. Vaudevillains
For the #1 contendership. Gable takes Gotch to the mat to start but Gotch kicks his hands away and does something like an enziguri from the mat. Jordan comes in for a double dropkick and a double clothesline to put the Vaudevillains on the floor. Back from a break with English holding Gable in a chinlock before it’s off to Gotch for a chinlock of his own. Those dastardly villains.
Gable finally sends Gotch throat first into the ropes and makes the tag off to Jordan. Everything breaks down and Gotch has to break up Grand Amplitude (“their finisher”) according to Graves. A BIG German suplex drops English with Gotch diving in for a save. Gotch and Jordan go to the floor as English gets two on Gable off a sitout powerbomb. Not that it matters as Jordan comes back in for Grand Amplitude and the pin on English at 10:25.
Rating: C+. It’s getting more and more clear every single week that American Alpha is just flat out better than any other team on the roster right now. Dash and Dawson are talented but they’re much more of a niche team than anything else. Alpha continues to look awesome all the time and they’re so much fun to watch in the same vein as Haas and Benjamin used to be.
Overall Rating: C. This was a building show instead of anything worth watching and there’s nothing wrong with that so close to probably the biggest NXT show of all time. There were three matches set up tonight and each one of them should be something fun to see. This was more of an important show than a good one and there’s nothing wrong with that, especially since NXT continues to know how to build a card at a much higher level than WWE.
Results
Hype Bros b. Angelo Dawkins/Kenneth Crawford – Hype Ryder to Crawford
Emma b. Deonna Purrazzo – Emma Lock
Tommaso Ciampa b. Jesse Sorensen – Floatover armbar
Bayley/Asuka b. Nia Jax/Eva Marie – Bayley to Belly to Marie
American Alpha b. Vaudevillains – Grand Amplitude to English
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume IV at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Looking back at a hidden (ish) gem (ish) from each Wrestlemania.
Monday Nitro – October 23, 2000: Your #1 Contender
Monday Nitro #263 Date: October 23, 2000 Location: Alltel Arena, Little Rock, Arkansas
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Stevie Ray, Mark Madden
We’re stateside again and it’s the go home show for Halloween Havoc which actually has a pretty solid looking card. Of course I don’t expect WCW to actually make that work but at least the build hasn’t been the worst. Unfortunately you never can tell what the final push for something like this is going to be. Let’s get to it.
We open with a montage of events from Australia.
Opening sequence.
Perfect Event vs. Harris Brothers
Kevin Nash is on commentary. Stasiak slugs away at Don to start and stomps away in the corner. The announcers are stunned that he’s doing anything right so Don clotheslines Shawn down to take over. Palumbo comes in and gets beaten down as well, only to run the corners to dropkick Don off the apron. At least that looked good. An ankle scissors out of the corner looks good as well but Palumbo gets in an argument with Stasiak so Shawn drops to the floor. The H Bomb ends Palumbo in a hurry.
Post match Nash gets in the ring so Stasiak gets in his face, only to have Nash drive him into the corner. No punches are thrown but Nash takes his hat off and gives Stasiak a serious look. Stasiak leaves so Nash gets on commentary again to promise tough love.
Mike Sanders is ready for his kickboxing match on Sunday and has a three round exhibition set up for tonight. This could go so many bad ways I don’t even know how to laugh at it.
Gene brings out Booker T. for a chat. Booker knows that people think he’s crazy but he’s out doing this for his fans and his family every single night. When he came down the ramp tonight, it was like a light bulb went off over his head because this is what it’s all about. Booker doesn’t think much of Scott Steiner and just like everyone else, Scott is going to have to kill him to take this title. Steiner better be ready to take a beating because Booker is going to have all these fans in his corner.
Cue Steiner and Midajah, hopefully to breathe some life into this thing. Steiner talks about Ebonics and welfare before saying Booker is only holding the title until Scott knocks him out. The brawl is on in the aisle but Jeff Jarrett jumps Booker from behind to put the champ down. There go the lights and it’s Sting with the save, probably setting up a main event. The locker room comes out to break it up, which always feels better than referees and goons. Awesome and Steiner point at each other a lot to tease something for later. This started slow but the pull apart brawl helped it a lot.
Post break, Steiner says he wants Awesome tonight and makes sheep noises.
Here’s Sanders in head gear for his kickboxing exhibition but first he says that he’s from Badstreet USA. The further down you go the worse it gets and he lives in the last house on the left. Thankfully the announcers are all over the Freebirds ripoff as the opponents are revealed as the Jung Dragons.
Before the match, Sanders puts something on his gloves before Jamie-San starts it like a wrestling match. A shot to the eyes blinds Jamie and a right hand is enough for the knockout. The same thing happens to Yang but Kaz gets in a few good shots, including sending Mike into the buckles a few times. That earns Kaz a shot to the eyes as well, setting up a kick for the third knockout. Leia Meow comes in for a low blow but Mike is wearing a cup. Sanders threatens her with the cup but here’s Ms. Jones to interrupt, allowing Cat to sneak in to KO Sanders. I’m not calling it a match but total waste of TV time.
Here’s Kronik to say that this thing with Goldberg started as business but now it’s personal. Goldberg may want the money but they’ve got a lot more to prove. If Goldberg wins, he beats two monsters and looks awesome. That’s not happening though because that’s not how it works in the real world. We’re not done yet though as Kronik has some new clients in 3 Count. Apparently they’ve hired Kronik to make sure no one interrupts their performance tonight. Clark doesn’t want to hear the music though so it’s time for a match.
Kronik vs. 3 Count
Well by match I mean a squash lasting 56 seconds before High Times puts Evan away.
Nash has a test for Stasiak tonight. In addition to that, Nash isn’t in a good mood tonight because Scott Hall received his walking papers last week. This Outsiders gimmick isn’t a work though so they’ll run again.
Here are the Misfits in Action dressed as Team Canada for the parody promo. Loco is the former 100 Ounces and Under Champion, AWOL, with his ten foot board, is Jigsaw Jim Jughead (Did the Clowns give him nickname lessons?) and Cajun makes a lot of lame Canada jokes, all of them capped off with an “eh?”. Loco goes on about being Wine Time and implies he was the water boy in the Canadian Football League. Rection finally ends this and says he’s taking the title and they’re taking Major Gunns back because that story is STILL going.
That 70s Guy hits on Pamela and would be glad to face Steiner tonight. Just let him be the monster that he’s perfect as instead of this goof. Thankfully he gets serious and promises to give Steiner a beating before he wins the title next week.
Here are Nash and the Thrillers with Kevin talking about the Outsiders again. They were a real team but Stasiak needs to learn the concept.
Goldberg vs. Shawn Stasiak
This is the test and it’s over in 40 seconds. We’re three matches in and have seen less than five minutes of wrestling.
Goldberg says he’ll take care of Kronik on Sunday.
Filthy Animals vs. Boogie Knights vs. O’Haire/Jindrak is official for Sunday. That could be good if they don’t make the champions look horrible again.
Billy Kidman vs. Alex Wright vs. Mark Jindrak
Before the match, Disco promises that he and Alex are launching an official investigation into finding out who let the dogs out. See, there are a lot of drunk drivers in Little Rock and Disco wants the dogs to be safe. Jindrak gets double teamed to start as Stevie picks Alex to win this. A German suplex gets two on Mark with Kidman making the save. That earns Kidman a torture rack neckbreaker but Alex dropkicks Mark for two more. Everything breaks down on the floor and Kidman gets launched into the ring and he grabs the Kid Crusher to put Alex away in another way too short match.
It’s a big brawl post match with the Animals clearing out the ring.
Crowbar, again in the 70s gear, hits on Pamela until Jimmy Hart comes in to say Crowbar has a match.
The announcers talk about the pay per view.
Video on David Flair going insane trying to find out who fathered Stacy Keibler’s baby.
Video on Sunday’s three big matches.
Vampiro vs. Crowbar
For some reason Vampiro has nunchucks and takes over very quickly with some hard shots. A hard whip into the barricade cuts off Crowbar’s comeback because the shots with a deadly weapon didn’t do enough damage. They get inside for the first time and chop it out as Madden calls Vampiro an angry Count Chockula. Crowbar comes back and sends Vampiro to the floor for the apron splash. With nothing else working, Crowbar drives his fingers into Vampiro’s eyes. Madden: “He’s not a bowling ball!”
Some good looking right hands knock Vampiro into the barricade and Crowbar drives him HARD into the steps. Vampiro actually suckers him in to take over again as the announcers try to figure out why this match is taking place. It’s very telling that the idea of “they’re fighting because the company put together a show instead of some authority figure” is unthinkable. Back in and Vampiro sends him flying with something like a belly to belly superplex to give the fans a sends of genuine excitement.
Crowbar starts no selling chair shots and pelts the chair at Vampiro to break up something off the ropes. Vampiro kicks the chair into Crowbar’s face for two but Crowbar crotches him off the ropes, setting up a slingshot flip legdrop onto the chair. They fight over to the DJ Ran booth (I’ll give you a minute to take in the fact that DJ Ran is still a thing in October 2000) where two druids set up a pair of tables. Crowbar fights off the druids but gets chokeslammed through the tables (Tony: “As only a vampire can!”) for the knockout win.
Rating: B+. This was a heck of a fight as these guys just beat the heck out of each other for nearly ten minutes. If there’s a better hidden gem in WCW than Crowbar I have no idea who he is because Crowbar continues to be awesome every time he’s in the ring. I had a really good time with this as they were giving it everything they had instead of doing anything resembling a match. On a side note, it’s really sad to get excited over a match nearly breaking ten minutes but it’s so rare for TV these days.
Post match Vampiro says this is all on Mike Awesome, who put him out two months ago. Vampiro wants to fight Mike this Sunday because that’s what Vampiro does best. Vampiro: “Be there or be square.”
Crowbar gets stretchered out.
Konnan vs. Shane Douglas
Actually hang on because Shane has a bad arm. Torrie has been a nervous, medicated wreck all week because her man can’t take care of her. Konnan offers her a facial and I’m going to hope you don’t know what that can mean. For some reason Shane keeps calling him Carlos but Konnan says he’s heard it’s a legitimate injury so they won’t fight.
Shane jumps him anyway but gets taken down onto the arm. Konnan slaps on a freaky submission where he wraps his leg around Shane’s head and cranks on the arm which is quickly released for no logical reason. The bad arm is sent into the steps, only to have Torrie slip in a chain. A left hand and the Franchiser put Konnan away quick to make sure that he looks even more worthless.
Scott Steiner vs. Mike Awesome
During the entrances, Tony offers his condolences on the passing of Yokozuna. However, Steiner cuts off the feelings by bringing out A TIGER. As in the tiger comes down to ringside and then leaves about five seconds later. I have no idea why that happened but it certainly got my attention. Booker comes out as a surprise commentator, or as much of a surprise as you can be while your video plays over Awesome’s music. Awesome takes over to start and gets two off a slingshot splash.
The Awesome Splash gets the same as Booker talks about wanting to face Mike next week. Midajah, in her five inch heels, comes in and kicks Awesome over the top. Back in and a suplex (not a fall away slam Tony) allows Steiner to do some pushups. Mike breaks up a superplex attempt and gets two off a top rope clothesline. The Awesome Bomb is loaded up but Midajah grabs the boot, allowing Steiner to get in a pipe shot. A top rope Angle Slam sets up the Recliner to put Awesome away. There’s your #1 contender people.
Rating: D+. This is a case of the horrible booking overtaking the decent action. Of all the people they have in this company they had to job the guy who is getting a guaranteed World Title match in a week? There was NO ONE else around? Like, Sting for instance? He and Jarrett didn’t get any real focus tonight so why not have Jarrett do the distraction so Steiner can beat him and set up two things at once? Too logical I guess but it would have been better than Awesome losing here.
Booker looks a little scared to end the show.
Overall Rating: D+. You really can feel the lack of Russo’s influence around this time as you can understand the stories throughout the show and even get some decent action in there. Unfortunately you also get five matches that add up to about nine minutes of wrestling. There comes a point where you just need some good wrestling and I really can’t imagine that’s going to be the case at the pay per view. They’re on the right track but they need a lot of effort to make this whole thing work again.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume IV at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania XIII: The Match That Saved The Company
Wrestlemania XIII Date: March 23, 1997
Location: Rosemont Horizon, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 18,197
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler
There’s a very strong case that this is the night where the Attitude Era began. I’m not sure if that’s the case but it beats almost anything else for second place. The alleged main event here is Sid defending the world title against Undertaker but in reality it’s Austin vs. Hart in a battle of the generations in a submission match. The match is a dark horse candidate for the greatest match of all time. Let’s get to it.
The opening video talks about the tradition of Wrestlemania but mentions that there’s a new force in the company. It’s not a person but rather an attitude of vengeance and a lack of respect.
Godwinns vs. Doug Furnas/Phillip LaFon vs. Headbangers vs. New Blackjacks
This is under elimination rules and the winner gets a tag title shot tomorrow on Raw. Why not have the title match here and the #1 contenders match earlier is beyond me but the WWF is running scared of WCW at this point so common sense is thrown out the window. The Blackjacks are Barry Windham and Bradshaw. We get some clips of the originals for the sake of old school. The new ones say they’re back and they’ll beat up all the small people.
Naturally it’s a big brawl to start with all eight guys fighting at once. We finally get down to Henry vs. Bradshaw which is a match that has haunted many of my nightmares over the years. A big clothesline puts Bradshaw down and it’s quickly off to Thrasher. Bradshaw still has his vest on. He runs over Thrasher though and there goes the vest. In an interesting bit of strategy, Bradshaw tags in Phineas and then punches him in the face.
Phineas pounds on him a bit more but brings in Mosh to face Thrasher. Jerry makes fun of Vince’s knowledge of rock music, saying Vince’s favorite rock band is Mount Rushmore. After some slam dancing for lack of a better term, it’s off to LaFaon who gets caught in a double flapjack for two. That doesn’t last long as it’s off to Furnas vs. Windham with the former hitting a quick rana for two. Windham hits a kind of powerbomb to take over but Bradshaw comes in and helps his partner beat down LaFon.
With the help of his partner, Bradshaw suplexes Phil out to the floor. The four members of the two teams head to the floor where Bradshaw shoves the referee and LaFon and Furnas are counted out, giving us two eliminations. So we’ve got the Headbangers vs. the Godwinns now and Thrasher gets to be in trouble first. It’s pretty clear that Vince has no idea which of the Headbangers is which.
Thrasher starts to fight back so he and Phineas spit on each other. Vince implies that Phineas is into bestiality which is an image I really didn’t need. Off to Mosh vs. Henry but a clothesline by the Godwinn puts both guys out on the floor. Mosh gets back in as Henry is only on the apron, allowing the Headbanger to hit a springboard clothesline to take Henry back down. Lawler keeps up the rock music jokes by saying Vince thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new burger at McDonald’s.
Thrasher misses a moonsault and it’s off to Mosh vs. Phineas again. Phineas loads up the Slop Drop (reverse DDT) on Thrasher but Mosh makes the save. Everything breaks down and a top rope seated senton by Mosh is enough for the pin on Phineas to send the Headbangers to Raw.
Rating: C-. This shows you where the tag division was at this point. There were indeed several teams fighting over the titles but that doesn’t always make for an interesting series of matches in the division. The Headbangers were different but not a great team at all and the Godwinns were WAY past their expiration date at this point. Not much to see here but it was fast paced.
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Honky Tonk Man is here, still looking for his new protege. He’ll be doing commentary for the next match.
Intercontinental Title: Rocky Maivia vs. The Sultan
Maivia is defending. Sultan is more famous as Rikishi and has Bob Backlund and Iron Sheik in his corner. Lawler tells Honky not to pick Rocky for his protege because there’s no future there. So much for the Memphis school system. Rocky starts off fast and knocks Sultan out to the floor. The managers try to calm the big man down but Rocky goes after him, only to wind up clotheslining the post.
Back in and Sultan runs him over with a clothesline of his own. He throws Rocky into the corner by the throat and hits another clothesline for two. Off to a nerve hold as Honky rants about how he already would have defended the title and been in the back combing his hair. Sultan goes up and hits a top rope headbutt for no cover. So we have a Samoan portraying an Arabian but hitting a headbutt to another Samoan. I’m so racially confused.
Rocky tries a sunset flip but Sultan grabs him by the throat to block. A belly to belly gets two and we hit the chinlock. The fans are very restless with this and rightly think it’s boring. Rocky fights up but they clothesline each other to stop things from getting interesting. Sultan starts pounding away again but Rocky starts feeling the soul and makes his comeback.
Maivia snaps off some punches to Sultan and gets two off a belly to belly suplex. The spinning DDT that Rocky doesn’t use anymore puts Sultan down and there’s his top rope cross body (finisher at the time) but the Sheik has the referee. Sultan gets up and hits a superkick for a very close two. A piledriver gets another two count for Sultan but Rocky grabs a rollup out of nowhere for the retaining pin.
Rating: D+. This got better by the end but man alive was it dull for the most part. It just kept going and Sultan didn’t have enough enough to make a match like this work. Rocky would get WAY better and the jump he’s made since Survivor Series to this point is remarkable. The fans would start to hate him though, which wound up being exactly what he needed all along.
Post match Rocky is doing an interview with JR when Sultan jumps him from behind. Sheik, Sultan and Backlund all beat on Maivia until Rocky Johnson, Rocky’s dad, comes in to help fight them off. Cool moment but I don’t think most people knew who Johnson was.
Ken Shamrock, the guest referee in the submission match, says that he’ll call it down the middle. He’s here because he’s a submission master, which he actually was as a former UFC World Champion.
Doc Hendrix (with a LOUD echo on his mic) is with HHH and Chyna. HHH doesn’t think his relationship with Chyna is any of Doc’s business.
Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Goldust
This feud just kept GOING for months on end. Goldust crouches down and does his mind game schtick before pounding away on HHH. This is a very personal rivalry apparently. What the rivalry is about isn’t important enough to explain. Goldie pounds away in the corner and hits a fast atomic drop before sending HHH to the floor. HHH is on the apron so Goldust can slide under the ropes and hit his uppercut.
Now the not yet Game is tied up in the ropes with his feet dangling over the floor. After he’s freed, Goldust clotheslines him back inside but gets caught in the facebuster to slow things down. That doesn’t last long though as Goldust powerslams HHH down and goes up top. HHH comes back though and crotches the gold one before sending him off the top and face first into the apron.
Back in and HHH is in control, ripping open Goldust’s clothes to chop at the bare chest. A hard whip into the other corner puts Goldust down again and there’s a swinging neckbreaker for two. Off to an abdominal stretch by HHH which goes off to an arm trap chinlock. Helmsley grabs a few covers but can’t keep Goldust down for three. Goldie comes back with a near low blow and an uppercut to the face.
Not that any of that matters though as HHH comes right back with a suplex and knee drop for two. Goldust is like MOVIE REFERENCES and chops away in the corner but HHH knocks him right back down. A small package gets two for Goldust but HHH takes over again almost immediately. Goldie comes back with a cross body for two but they hit head to head to put both guys down. HHH goes up top but jumps into a flying…shall we say hip attack from Goldust to put him back down.
Chyna keeps staring at the ring without moving much more than her eyes. HHH misses a charge into the corner and gets put down by a backdrop. Goldust’s bulldog gets two as Chyna starts walking around the ring. HHH escapes the Curtain Call (reverse suplex) but Goldust counters the counter into a slingshot. He loads up the Curtain Call again but sees Chyna near Marlena. Marlena jumps up on the apron but Goldust is knocked into her, sending Marlena into Chyna’s arms. The Pedigree ends Goldie quickly.
Rating: C-. This was higher quality but it was still dull stuff. This was a REALLY bad period for HHH as he wasn’t having interesting matches and wasn’t in DX yet to let him be funny either. That combines to make him like a 12 year old hitting on girls: awkward, not interesting, and more laughable than effective. Nothing to see here, as usual with these two.
Shawn Michaels tries to figure out AOL.
Tag Titles: Owen Hart/British Bulldog vs. Mankind/Vader
Owen/Bulldog are defending and have to deal with Paul Bearer managing the challengers. JR tries to cause trouble among the tag champions by asking Bulldog if he’s mad over Owen saying he’s smarter than Bulldog. Bulldog is also European Champion here, having beaten Owen for it a few weeks ago in a masterpiece. Owen and Vader start things off with the Canadian getting pounded down into the corner by the monster.
Hart tries to speed things up and actually takes Vader down with a spinwheel kick. A cross body is easily caught though and a rana is countered into a powerbomb. The idea here is that Vader and Mankind could have problems with Bulldog but they can beat up Owen with relative ease. Vader loads up the Bomb which draws in Bulldog and Mankind. Bulldog clotheslines the monsters down and Owen dropkicks them both down to one up his partner.
It’s Bulldog vs. Mankind now with the Brit stomping away in the corner. There’s the delayed vertical but Vader won’t even let Bulldog cover. Bulldog casually slams/suplexes Vader down to show off a little bit. It’s back to Mankind vs. Bulldog with Mankind being put in a chinlock. Mankind fights up and throws him to the floor where Bearer hands him the Urn. Bulldog trips him down though to avoid the shot, only to have Vader get the Urn and blast Bulldog in the back of the head to shift control.
Back in and Vader hits a suplex on Bulldog for two before pounding away in the corner. A corner splash crushes the British one and a middle rope splash (regular, not Vader Bomb style) only gets two. That’s a surprise and it earns a Bulldog chant. Mankind comes in but can’t get the Mandible Claw on. Instead he pounds Bulldog down into the corner and hits a running knee to the head. Instead of covering, Mankind goes to the floor and screams a bit. You know, because that’s what he does.
Vader runs Bulldog over again but as he goes up, Bulldog flips him over in a kind of release slam. Back to Owen who comes in with a missile dropkick to take Vader back down. A top rope cross body gets two but Vader CRUSHES him with a standing body block. The challengers hit a kind of Demolition Decapitator off the apron to the floor. That move put Rick Martel out for about seven months in 1988 but here it keeps Owen down for about six seconds. Now THAT is toughness.
Stu and Helen are in the front row as Mankind chokes away at Owen. Back in and Owen grabs a DDT out of desperation but a splash hits knees to slow him down again. Mankind charges at Owen but they hit heads to put both guys down. We actually hear about The Wrestling Classic for no apparent reason. Vader comes back in to box Owen’s ears but Hart escapes a suplex and hits a quick spin kick for two. Out to the floor again where Owen hits a quick belly to belly on Mankind before they head back inside.
The enziguri puts Mankind down and there’s the hot tag to Bulldog. Vader loses his mask as Bulldog beats on both challengers. Mankind is still legal and gets whipped HARD into the corner. There’s the powerslam but Mankind grabs the Claw to escape. Everything breaks down and Mankind and Bulldog go to the floor. Mankind puts on the Claw and it’s a double countdown.
Rating: B-. That might be overrating it but after an hour of boring stuff, this was a nice breath of air. The story here was shaky but it worked well enough all things considered. I’m not sure why this match happened as I don’t remember any build up to it at all and with a #1 contenders match earlier in the night, I really don’t get why this match happened. Still though, not bad stuff.
Mankind refuses to let go of the hold.
We recap Bret vs. Austin which is the real main event of this show. So Bret was all awesome and such but after losing the title at Wrestlemania last year, Bret took six months off to whine. Then he came back and felt that he kept getting screwed over by everyone from Shawn to Austin to Vince (nah that could never happen). Austin was leading the charge of disrespect by saying Bret was just a crybaby anymore. This led to a masterpiece between Austin and Bret that made everyone realize Austin was for real and the next big thing.
Hart barely won but he kept snapping and even hit Pat Patterson, the symbol of respect and tradition. This led to the Royal Rumble where Bret had the match won and eliminated Austin, only to have Austin sneak back in and win the match. A month later Bret won the vacant world title, only to have Austin cost him the belt the next night on Raw. This all led up to here and a submission match with the theme of a submission master vs. a guy that will not quit.
Steve Austin vs. Bret Hart
This is a submission match and Ken Shamrock is guest referee. Austin has actual glass shatter as he enters which is rather cool. He gets cheered but Bret gets something resembling a mixed reaction. Austin tackles him down to start and the fight is on immediately. They head to the floor with neither guy being able to get an advantage. Austin gets posted but he manages to crotch Bret on the barricade. Bret gets clotheslined into the crowd as this is all action so far.
Bret gets in a few shots in the audience and Shamrock is right with them. Presumably this is falls count anywhere. Bret gets in a solid right hand but Austin grabs him for a piledriver. Hart counters with a backdrop and they head back towards the ring. Back to ringside and Bret dives off the barricade with a forearm to the back. Austin comes right back by whipping Hart into the steps to put him down again.
Steve hits a forearm off the apron before picking up the steps. Bret kicks him in the ribs though and the steps might have crushed Austin’s leg. As they get back in the ring (remember that thing?) Bret guillotines Austin on the top rope to take over again. Bret cranks on the leg and cannonballs down on it ala Flair. More cranking ensues and Hart wants him to get up. Bret misses another cannonball and Austin ERUPTS with a clothesline to put both guys down.
We get some foreshadowing by Lawler when he says you can’t give up when you’re unconscious. Hart comes back with a kick to the leg and throws on the Figure Four around the post. Bret goes to get the bell but switches over to a chair. That one has too much padding on it though so he gets a regular chair to Pillmanize the ankle with. The fans are getting WAY into this. Bret goes up top but Austin crotches him and CRACKS him with the chair.
Another big chair shot to the back sets up a suplex as Hart is in big trouble all of a sudden. A middle rope elbow from Austin hits Bret as JR is in full on JR mode, including a few jabs at WCW (“This isn’t about posing or covering a bald spot!”). Austin this another Bret move in the Russian legsweep followed by a reverse Koji Clutch (as in he cranks on the arm while wrapping his leg around Bret’s head. That’s a bit too complicated for Austin though so there’s a Boston Crab instead.
Bret makes a rope because in a war like this, let’s make sure we follow the rules. Austin loads up a Sharpshooter (he has no idea how to get it on) but Austin escapes. Steve fires him through the ropes and to the floor. Bret comes back and reverses a whip into the barricade while running over a few people in the process. Austin is bleeding and it’s a GUSHER. Bret sends him into the steps and pounds away at the cut as we head back inside.
Hart pounds away even harder at Austin’s forehead before hitting the Five Moves of Doom. Bret gets the chair as Vince says this is becoming too much to watch. Hart drives the chair into the leg over and over again but he can’t get the Sharpshooter again. The mat is covered in blood. Austin comes back with a low blow but he can barely stand up. He whips Bret chest first into the corner and here comes the Rattlesnake. Austin stomps the mudhole in Bret and the double bird gets a big reaction from the fans.
Austin puts Bret on top and superplexes him back down. You can’t see Austin’s forehead from all the blood. Since nothing else works, Austin goes to the floor and gets the electrical cable to choke Bret out. Hart grabs the bell from somewhere though and blasts Austin in the head, knocking him silly. Now the Sharpshooter goes on and the place goes NUTS. Austin’s head is on the mat and you can see the blood pooling up under him. That is SICK.
The crowd starts chanting for Austin and we get one of the most famous shot in company history as Austin screams into the camera with blood flowing down his face. He gets one last rush of adrenaline to push up and break the Sharpshooter for the first time ever. Well kind of as he gets Bret off his back but couldn’t break the grip. Bret gets the hold back on but Austin will not quit. Austin is out cold and Shamrock finally stops it. Austin never gave up.
Rating: A+. This is the highest rating a match can get. If there was a higher rating, this match would get that. This is one of the greatest wars you will ever see in a ring with some of the greatest storytelling you’ll ever see either. The idea of Bret being taken out of his element, only to get sucked into Austin’s world where he reaches a point that he’s never been to before but it’s STILL not enough to stop Austin is amazing and works to this day. The key point here: Hart could not stop Austin. He could only slow him down. Absolutely amazing and if you haven’t seen this, go find it right now. Seriously, go watch it now. It’s excellent.
Post match Bret is disgusted with himself but looks at Austin’s lifeless body and gets mad all over again for not being able to make Austin quit. Bret goes after the leg again but Shamrock grabs him and hooks a kind of suplex to get Hart off. Shamrock says let’s go if you want to but Bret backs down and leaves. The fans GO OFF on Bret as Austin is trying to remember what planet he’s on. A referee comes out to check on him and gets a Stunner for his troubles. Austin walks out on his own power and gets a well deserved standing ovation. And that my friends, is a double turn.
Amazingly enough, Bret vs. Austin was only just beginning. The next five months would be even more insane with perhaps an even better match blowing it off. Now let THAT sink in for a minute. This is still one of the few matches that has an actual impact on me and I get WAY into it every time I see it.
Why aren’t you watching this match right now? I’m tempted to watch it again.
Faarooq and the Nation say the criminals are out tonight in Chicago and they’re ready for the LOD and Ahmed in the Chicago street fight.
Nation of Domination vs. Legion of Doom/Ahmed Johnson
It’s Crush/Faarooq/Savio Vega plus a bunch of unnamed lackeys forming the Nation at this point. They bring out every weapon you could think of for this match between about the nine people they have here. Ahmed has the spikes on too and they bring the kitchen sink with them. Ok point for a funny idea. It’s a big brawl to start (and will continue to be that way) with the good guys beating up the lackeys.
Faarooq hits Animal in the back with a nightstick and Ahmed hits a big dive over the barricade to take out I think Savio. I’m not going to be able to call everything here so expect a lot to be missed. Ahmed crushes Crush with a trashcan as Hawk has a 2×4 to stalk Savio with. Animal tries a piledriver on Faarooq through a table but they just fall off to the side instead. The fans chant for the LOD and Animal blasts Faarooq with a fire extinguisher. Savio cleans house with a trashcan but gets it wrapped around him and blasted by Hawk.
Ahmed slams Faarooq through the table from earlier and there goes the fire extinguisher again. Now we get a big rope with a noose on it to hang Ahmed. The Nation is too big and powerful for LOD and Ahmed to fight off. Hawk comes back with a double clothesline to Jerry’s shock. It was an actual wrestling move! Ahmed gets out of the noose and beats up D-Lo Brown for a bit. Animal hits Faarooq with a parking sign as Savio throws Ahmed over the barricade.
Crush finds a wrench from somewhere to blast Animal with as Faarooq is pulled to the floor by the rope. They’re clearly starting to get tired now. Hawk sprays the Nation down with the extinguisher again but the lackeys save Faarooq from the Pearl River Plunge. Crush gets caught in the Doomsday Device out of nowhere before getting hit by a 2×4 for the pin.
Rating: B-. You know what, why not. This was a FIGHT and it worked quite well. They didn’t try to make this anything but a street fight and that’s what they gave us. This wasn’t good or quality or anything but it was certainly fun and exactly what it was advertised as. Good stuff here and the second best match of the night so far.
Post match D’Lo (not yet named) takes the Pearl River Plunge and the small white guys (PG-13) take a double Doomsday Device to pop the crowd HUGE.
Here’s Shawn Michaels to do commentary on the main event. This was when he had a “knee injury”, which had a bad case of Idon’twanttoreturnthejobtoBretsoI’llsayI’mhurtandnotlosetohimlikeamanwould-itis.
WWF World Title: Sycho Sid vs. Undertaker
This is because Sid won the title and Undertaker is getting a title shot for…..no reason that I can remember at all actually. He was just kind of thrown in there to get the title off Sid with no real explanation. Sid gives his usual insane promo about how he’s going to retain the title because he’s not scared. For the first time ever, we hear that Undertaker has never lost at Wrestlemania. Sid’s pyro of his name in lights is awesome.
Just after the bell, here’s Bret Hart. Shawn: “Imagine that: Bret being resentful.” Bret yells at Shawn for having a fake injury and losing his smile. He then says that he and Undertaker are no longer friends. As for Sid, he’s a fraud because the belt belongs to Bret. Thankfully Sid hits Bret in the face and powerbombs him (Shawn: “And now you’re getting beaten up because of your big mouth.). Taker jumps Sid from behind and we get another bell to officially start the match.
Sid throws him into the corner to start but charges into a big boot. Taker hits a kind of splash in the corner followed by a slam for two. Old School hits Sid but Taker charges into a bearhug. The bearhug stays on for a long time as you would expect it to. These two have 22 minutes for this match and that’s a recipe for disaster. Sid finally kicks Undertaker to the floor and then over the French announce table for good measure.
Apparently this is no holds barred according to Gorilla. Sid drops him on the table and almost breaks it in the process. Back in and Sid pounds away at the back even more before hooking a camel clutch. Jerry: “How do you kill a dead man?” Vince: “You don’t have to. You just have to pin him for three seconds.” Point to Vince I guess. Sid hits a powerslam but can only get three two’s in a row.
A big leg gets two for Sid but Taker comes back with the flying clothesline for two. They head to the floor where Sid is thrown over the barricade. That goes nowhere so we head back inside for a horrible chinlock by the champion. Taker fights up and hits a powerslam for two before putting on a nerve hold of his own. A clothesline puts Sid back down for two as Taker is looking tired.
They hit big boots at the same time to put each other down. Sid goes to the middle rope for an ax handle and thankfully keeps his leg intact. A kind of middle rope clothesline/punch to the face gets two for the champion but here comes the Dead Man. Sid slams him down and goes up top, only to be crotched and slammed down. Undertaker hits a top rope clothesline for two more as the match FINALLY picks up a bit. Taker loads up the Tombstone but gets reversed into a tombstone by Sid for two.
We head back to the floor again but here’s Bret Hart to smack Sid in the back with a chair. Referees and officials come out to throw Bret out as Sid is rammed back first into the post. Back inside we go again and it’s a chokeslam for a VERY close two. They botch what might have been the flying clothesline as Sid ducks down, sending Taker flying. Here comes the powerbomb but Bret interferes AGAIN. The distraction lets Taker hit the Tombstone for the pin and the title.
Rating: D. This was REALLY dull stuff and Bret got annoying after about his second interference. Granted that’s the idea, but he was still annoying. On top of that, the match was WAY too much sitting around and doing nothing with all of the rest holds and other general standing around based activities. Sid was pretty much gone for good after this.
Undertaker celebrates for awhile as Shawn sucks up to him.
Overall Rating: D+. This certainly isn’t the worse Wrestlemania but it’s also not a good show by any real stretch. The main problem here is that it felt like any other PPV rather than a major show other than the Bret vs. Austin match. On top of that, the main event sucks pretty hard. It wasn’t entertaining and Undertaker wound up being a terrible champion. He couldn’t even main event his own PPV the next month. Anyway, bad show but DEFINITELY see Austin vs. Hart, even if you have before.
Ratings Comparison
Headbangers vs. Godwinns vs. Doug Furnas/Phillip LaFaon vs. New Blackjacks
Original: D+
Redo: C
Rocky Maivia vs. The Sultan
Original: D
Redo: D+
Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Goldust
Original: D
Redo: C-
Owen Hart/British Bulldog vs. Vader/Mankind
Original: D+
Redo: B-
Bret Hart vs. Steve Austin
Original: A+
Redo: A+
Legion of Doom/Ahmed Johnson vs. Nation of Domination
Wrestlemania XII Date: March 31, 1996
Location: Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, California
Attendance: 18,853
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Vince McMahon
This is all about Shawn Michaels vs. Bret Hart. The main event is an hour long Iron Man Match with Bret defending against the absolutely on fire Shawn Michaels. Since returning last May, Shawn has hit a stride where he is without a doubt the best in the world. There’s almost nothing else on the entire card other than Undertaker vs. Diesel as the Streak finally has a big match included. Let’s get to it.
The opening video talks about the dream of the champion (to stay on top) and the challenger (to rise to the top of the mountain). They make the match feel like a very big deal which is the right idea. Good stuff.
Camp Cornette vs. Yokozuna/Jake Roberts/Ahmed Johnson
Camp Cornette is Vader/Owen Hart/British Bulldog and if they lose, Yoko gets five minutes alone with Cornette. Of all the music for the faces to come out to, they pick Yoko’s? The monsters brawl to start and Yoko takes him down with a clothesline. Another one sends Vader to the floor and Ahmed hits a big dive over the top to take Vader down again. Back in and they slug it out some more before it’s off to Owen. Yoko is so fat here it’s amazing that he can move.
After Owen gets beaten up a bit it’s back to Vader for more hard shots to the head. Vader pounds him down to the mat but Yoko is able to get over to Ahmed for a not hot tag. Johnston starts cleaning house on everyone until Vader gets in a shot from behind to take him down. A jumping senton misses Ahmed though and a flying clothesline puts Vader down.
We settle down to Johnsn vs. Bulldog with Ahmed loading up the Pearl River Plunge (Tiger Bomb), only to have Hart hit a missile dropkick to break it up. Owen drags him back to the corner and here’s more Vader. A splash crushes Johnson but there’s still no cover. Back to Owen who is clotheslined down almost immediately and there’s the real hot tag to Jake. Oh and Mr. Fuji is in the face corner with an American flag.
Owen avoids the DDT and Jake charges into a knee in the corner. Bulldog puts on the front facelock so the fans chant USA. At least most of the face team is made in America this time. Back to Vader for the hard clothesline and a slam, followed by a top rope elbow from Owen. That gets two so Owen cranks back on both of Jake’s arms for a bit. Bulldog comes in but the powerslam only gets two as well. It was a clean kickout too which is pretty odd to see.
Vader comes in for a splash but THAT only gets two as well. The fans don’t seem all that interested in this though. Bulldog tries a splash of his own but Roberts rolls away to buy himself some time. The other hot tag brings in Yoko to face Vader with the latter being punched down in the corner. Yoko cleans house on all three villains and crushes Bulldog with a belly to belly. The DDT hits Owen but Jake has to take out an interfering Cornette. Jake loads up the DDT on Cornette but Vader runs him over and the Vader Bomb is finally enough to pin Roberts.
Rating: C. Nice tag match here but the crowd doesn’t seem interested in the show so far. Hopefully they’re just saving it up for the main event which is the only match that matters on the entire show. Johnson looked good and would get pushed to the Intercontinental Title soon after this. The other guys all looked like themselves.
We recap Piper vs. Goldust which was supposed to be Razor vs. Goldust but Razor got in trouble for drugs. The idea is that Goldust is in lust with Piper but the REAL MAN Piper will have none of this gay stuff. The result is a Hollywood Backlot Brawl which is exactly what it sounds like: stupid.
Goldust vs. Roddy Piper
This was taped earlier in the day. Goldust shows up in a gold Cadillac while Piper has a ball bat in hands. Naturally he puts that down and sprays the car with a fire hose. When the power of WATER doesn’t stop a large car, Roddy breaks through the windows with the bat. Piper beats up Goldust with the bat and some stiff looking shots with fists and various metal objects.
Goldust gets sprayed with the hose and rammed into the hood of the car. There’s a knee drop from Piper which mainly hits car followed by a LOUD punch. A low blow stops Piper so Goldie gets in the car and runs over a stuntman in a Piper costume. Goldust drives away so Piper steals a white Ford Bronco and we get a car chase which we’ll return to later. I’ll save the rating for the end of part two later on.
Steve Austin vs. Savio Vega
Austin debuted late last year and is the Million Dollar Champion at this point. Savio was Austin’s first feud in the WWF, which says a lot about how far Stone Cold would jump up the card in just a year. Savio says he’s ready. Vega pounds away to start and they brawl to the floor. Back in and Austin gets in a shot to the face before sending Savio’s shoulder into the post. This is back when Austin could MOVE as he didn’t have a bad neck so the offense is very different. He’s also ripped with well defined abs.
Austin cranks on the arm but Savio backflips out and hits a superkick for two. Roddy calls in and says he’s not letting it end this way. Savio goes shoulder first into the post again and we lose Piper. What a shame. We hit the armbar as Austin is in full control. There’s a hammerlock slam as Piper is back on the phone and talking about beating Goldust up in Tijuana. Vega comes back with a fast cross body for two but Austin comes back with the Thesz Press which doesn’t mean anything for him yet.
We go split screen to show “Piper” chasing Goldust in the Cadillac. This is from the air because clearly a helicopter is available in 10 minutes’ notice. This is supposed to be a parody of the O.J. Simpson car chase, which was only two years earlier. Austin goes up top (I told you he was different) but jumps into a boot. There’s a clothesline to put Austin down but a spinwheel kick hits the referee by mistake. DiBiase slides in the Million Dollar Belt and Vega is KO’d. Another shot to the back of the head and a chinlock of all things are enough for Austin to get the win.
Rating: C+. Bad Piper references aside, this was pretty solid stuff. Austin was AWESOME back in the day before he had to basically invent the brawling style that he made famous. Vega wasn’t much out there, but at least he was good enough to make Austin look solid. This was a fun match, but again no one cared because the main event and one other match are all that matter.
More car chase stuff. Vince: “This footage looks awfully familiar.”
We recap the Undertaker’s mind games with Diesel lately that set up the other big match tonight. Diesel says Undertaker is a big obstacle but he doesn’t sweat the big things.
More car chase stuff.
Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Ultimate Warrior
HHH debuts Sable as his latest good looking valet. This is Warrior’s latest return and the story was he might weigh 400lbs and be bald. Warrior of course is fine and the fans go nuts for him. Warrior’s entrance is far longer than the match. HHH jumps Warrior before he takes his coat off and and actually hits the Pedigree. That goes nowhere though as Warrior is on his feet at the same time HHH is. Clotheslines, shoulder blocks, press slam and splash mean we’re done. The match didn’t even last two minutes.
We go to the back and meet the debuting Marc Mero. He talks about being glad to be here when HHH comes up (with Mero’s real life wife Sable) and a brawl erupts.
Piper is on his way back to the arena.
Diesel vs. Undetaker
So Diesel cost Undertaker a title match so Undertaker pulled Diesel through the ring during a cage match for the title against Bret. Then Taker did his usual mind games against Diesel, setting up this battle of the titans. Diesel jumps him to start and the brawl is on fast. Taker clotheslines him down but misses an elbow drop. They fight to the floor with Diesel going face first into the steps. This is fast paced stuff so far.
Back in and Diesel avoids Old School, only to get stunned on the top rope. We head back to the floor where Undertaker’s chair shot hits the post instead of Diesel. Diesel rams him back first into the post and then does it again for good measure. Back in again and Diesel slows things up by punching Taker in the face a few times. Snake Eyes (actually called that by Vince) hits and there’s the running crotch attack in 619 position to Undertaker.
The Dead Man starts slugging back and they both hit big boots to put each other down. Taker sits up first but Diesel hits him in the back to get control again. Off to the bear hug that you knew was coming sooner or later. Taker finally fights out of it and things slow down again. Notice that the fans are into this one, unlike anything in the first hour of the show. Taker hits a clothesline off the top for a somewhat delayed two count.
Out of nowhere Diesel hits the Jackknife but he can’t follow up. Actually he can but he would rather stand around and brag for awhile. Taker sits up so there’s another Jackknife for good measure. Diesel takes forever to cover though and Taker grabs him by the throat. They get to their feet and it looks to be chokeslam time, only for Diesel to break it up with a belly to back suplex. Taker sits up again and there’s the running clothesline. A pretty bad chokeslam puts Diesel down and the Tombstone makes Undertaker 5-0.
Rating: B-. For what it was, this was pretty solid stuff. Undertaker looked better than he usually does and it was really in doubt if he could hang with someone that had just come off a year long world title reign. This was probably the turning point for the Dead Man from monster of the week slayer to big time threat to anyone. He would soon be tested by a debuting Mankind, which would change his career forever.
Goldie and Piper get back to the arena so let’s get this over with. Goldust is back first and is exhausted from the driving. He and Piper stumble into the arena so I guess the “match” has been going on for an hour now.
Roddy Piper vs. Goldust
Note that the Hollywood Backlot Brawl is now a wrestling match in a ring in Anaheim. There’s no referee or anything so they’re just going to fight until it ends. Goldust pounds away and hits some shots to Piper’s leg followed by a low blow. There goes Piper’s shirt as you would expect it to. Goldust mounds him and starts pounding away but an attempt at kissing Piper makes the Hot Scot fire back.
Goldie goes up top but gets crotched down again. From his seat on the top rope though, he grabs Piper and kisses him, sending Piper into a frenzy. The fight is on and Piper, the apparent homophobe, grabs Goldust by the crotch. Goldust gets his own clothes ripped off and Piper kisses him. Well sure why not. Anyway Goldust is wearing either women’s lingerie or some kind of S&M stuff so he bails, giving this to Piper.
Rating: N/A. This wasn’t wrestling so no rating, but I think you can figure out what I thought of it. Goldust, who was Intercontinental Champion at this point, would feud with various midcarders before getting beaten up by Ahmed Johnson for awhile. Piper would be gone like the next day and in WCW in six months.
We recap Michaels vs. Hart which is about two different paths to get to the top of the world. The question is about who is the best, so we’re going to find out in the hour long Iron Man Match.
Shawn says this is about getting to the top of the mountain.
Bret says everything has come to this point and he wants to wake up the next day with the belt.
Gorilla Monsoon is officially in charge again, taking over from Piper.
WWF World Title: Bret Hart vs. Shawn Michaels
In the famous opening, Shawn’s manager/trainer Jose Lothario comes to the ring alone. He gets on the bottom rope and points to the rafters where a spotlight shines. It’s Shawn, dancing atop the rafters and ziplining down into the crowd. The shot from behind him with the flashbulbs going off was one of the most shown visuals in company history for a long time. Bret just walks to the ring because he’s a bit more laid back. Of course this is an Iron Man Match lasting one hour, most falls in that amount of time wins.
Earl Hebner is the referee because there’s no one else that it could be. He reads the full rules to both guys which is pretty cool to hear actually. Vince says that whoever wins the first decision will win the match. It likely helps that he picked the winner. Feeling out process to start with both guys being tentative to get into anything of note. Granted they’re also likely conserving energy.
Shawn easily escapes a pair of headlocks and they trade some more technical stuff. First bit of psychology: Bret blocks a third try at the same headlock counter that Shawn used both times earlier. We head to the mat with the champion in control via a headlock. Shawn fights up and we get a nice technical sequence resulting in Bret being right back in control with a headlock. Off to a front facelock as the announcers debate which man is stronger. That’s a good question actually.
Back to the headlock which is smart this early in a match like this. Shawn gets up again and fires off some armdrags before hooking an armbar. Freddie Blassie and Stu Hart are in the front row. They run the ropes a few times until Bret takes it back to the mat, only to be caught in a kind of abdominal stretch on the mat. They go into the corner and Shawn fires off some right hands, only to be sent into the other corner. Shawn is cool with that as he sends Bret to the floor with a headscissors. Fifty minutes left.
Back in and Shawn puts on an armbar but Bret throws him over the top. It’s Shawn though so he skins the cat and hooks the armbar again to put Bret down. Bret comes back with a shot to the ribs and a headbutt to the abdomen to take over. Off to a chinlock for a bit but Michaels escapes with a jawbreaker. There’s a Fujiwara Armbar on the champ but Bret nips up and catches Shawn in a kind of spinebuster.
The Sharpshooter doesn’t work though so he clotheslines Shawn to the floor. The fans aren’t sure what to think of that. Bret heads to the floor and gets sent into the post which makes him stagger into the timekeeper. We’ve got 45 minutes left as Shawn misses Sweet Chin Music on Bret, hitting the timekeeper by mistake and knocking him out cold. Back in and Bret hooks another chinlock as the timekeeper gets stretchered out.
As the chinlock goes on for almost three minutes we see the problem with this match: it doesn’t need to be an Iron Man Match. Yeah it’s kind of cool that it did went an hour but it would have been fine as a regular match that went like 45 minutes or something like that. The drama would have been better too and we wouldn’t have long rest holds like this. I can’t blame the wrestlers for resting like that as it’s not fair to ask them to go nuts for an hour, but it doesn’t make for the most interesting TV in the world.
Shawn finally gets up but can’t get an O’Connor Roll. Instead he hits a dropkick and grabs another armbar to take Bret down. Shawn cranks on the arm even harder with 40 minutes to go. Now we hit the hammerlock as the crowd is pretty silent. Back up and Shawn sends Bret’s shoulder into the post to give him the biggest advantage yet. There’s a shoulderbreaker to the champion followed by a double ax from the middle rope to the shoulder.
Bret starts firing off punches but Shawn comes back with a DDT on the arm. There’s a cross armbreaker but Shawn breaks it after one pull. Now it goes on full but Bret fights up and rakes his boot across Shawn’s face to break the hold. That’s rather heelish no? Back to the armbar but Hart counters into a kind of middle rope hot shot. Shawn fights back but misses a Stinger Splash in the corner, giving Bret his first advantage in a long time.
The bulldog puts Shawn down so Bret goes up top. That’s an odd sight for him and Shawn tries to slam him down, only to get pulled down to the mat by his hair. Bret hit the referee on the way down and we’re at halftime. Shawn comes back with a powerslam for two but a backdrop attempt is countered into a piledriver which gets two for the champion. Bret goes up again but gets slammed down.
Michaels starts speeding things up with a standing hurricanrana but Bret hangs onto the ropes to avoid the superkick. A backbreaker gets two for Shawn but Hart bails to the floor to avoid the kick again. Instead Shawn goes up and hits a HUGE dive to the floor to take the champ down. Back in and Shawn skins the cat, only to get caught in a small package for two. A Perfectplex gets two for Shawn and he hooks a sleeper. Hart gets his arm up on the second drop so Shawn rams him into the corner again.
Michaels charges at Bret but gets backdropped up and over the post and out to the floor in a great looking crash. Bret goes out to get him though which isn’t the brightest idea in the world. Back in and Bret works over Shawn’s injured back before dropping a leg for no cover. We’ve got twenty minutes left and Bret stomps away on the back. Shawn is flipped upside down in the corner and there’s a belly to back superplex for a close two.
We hit the camel clutch for a few minutes before Shawn fights up again. Hart tries a superplex but has to settle for punching a jumping Shawn in the ribs. Michaels gets whipped into the corner and it’s a Flair Flip to the floor where Shawn accidentally kicks Jose in the head. Out to the floor and Bret whips Shawn into the steps, knocking Jose down again. We head back inside with fifteen minutes to go.
A belly to belly suplex gets two for Bret so it’s time for a slugout. An O’Connor roll doesn’t work for Shawn as Bret kicks him out to the floor on the kickout. A suicide dive takes Shawn down again and we’ve got twelve minutes left. Back in again and Bret hits a German suplex for two. They slug it out but Shawn can’t hang with Bret at this point. Hart is too exhausted to follow up though so it’s back to the camel clutch.
Ten minutes to go now and the camel clutch eats up about two of that. It’s off to a regular chinlock with eight minutes to go and Shawn fights up. They clothesline each other down and more time is being burned up. A superplex puts Shawn down again but he STILL manages to block the Sharpshooter. Hart settles for a half crab as the punishment on the back continues. Shawn makes a rope but gets taken down by a backbreaker with five minutes to go.
Bret loads up his middle rope elbow but jumps into a boot to put both guys down again. A dropkick puts Bret in the corner as Shawn gets his nineteenth win according to Shawn. Four minutes to go now. There’s the flying forearm and the nip up (the camera misses it) as Shawn picks up the speed. A jumping back elbow puts Hart down and a top rope spinning ax handle gets two. The top rope elbow hits with two and a half minutes left. A good looking gutwrench powerbomb gets no cover with two minutes to go.
Shawn busts out a moonsault press for two as Bret is trying to hang on. Ninety seconds left and Shawn hits a middle rope rana for two more. Shawn slams him down and goes up top but he can’t follow up with a minute left. Shawn tries another rana but jumps into the Sharpshooter with thirty three seconds left in the match. The place is going NUTS but Shawn amazingly holds out until the time limit expires.
BUT WAIT!
As Bret leaves, Gorilla Monsoon orders the match to continue under sudden death rules. As Bret puts it: why? This was never agreed to and Bret is indeed getting screwed here. The bell rings and Bret is TICKED. He goes after Shawn’s back and hits a big backdrop. Bret whips Shawn into the corner, and in one of two moments that made me jump to my feet when I was watching it live, Shawn jumps over Bret out of the corner and hits Sweet Chin Music to put both guys down. Michaels gets up, tunes up the band, and kicks Bret’s head off for the pin and his first world title.
Rating: B. After an hour and five minutes of this match, there’s one word that can sum it up: LONG. That’s the problem here: it did not need to be an hour long and would have been much better suited as a regular one on one match. Either that or have a few falls in between, as having it be one very long glorified one on one match makes the stipulation seem pretty lame. The psychology is good though and it’s not a bad match by any means. It just could have had over 20 minutes cut out and you could have had the same match, and that’s not a good sign. Oh and what happened to Bret’s shoulder injury?
Bret, ever the mature one, storms off like a baby with the ability to walk as Shawn is awarded the title. Shawn has a very touching moment when he realizes he finally won the title and is very somber. Then he turns into Shawn and goes nuts celebrating which he deserves the right to do.
Overall Rating: C+. The show isn’t terrible but the main problem is that it’s almost a one match show. Now to be fair there’s a five match card (not counting the brawl) and two of the matches are quite good, but the problem is that this was basically a four man show. It’s certainly not terrible, but it feels incomplete due to one match being about half the show. Bret vs. Shawn is worth seeing, but make sure you have a remote in your hand.
Ratings Comparison
Camp Cornette vs. Yokozuna/Jake Roberts/Ahmed Johnson
Impact Wrestling – March 15, 2016: What Does A Yellow Light Mean?
Impact Wrestling Date: March 15, 2016
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero
This is a special live(ish) episode with some major matches taking place. We have Jeff Hardy returning (as he does every single year after the company gets back from the UK) to go after Eric Young but not for the King of the Mountain Title, as well as Matt Hardy defending his World Title against Ethan Carter III (again). Let’s get to it.
Eric Young vs. Jeff Hardy
Non-title but before the match, Young finds Dixie Carter in the back and yells about how he’s going to destroy the golden boy tonight. The fight starts fast with Jeff trying an early Twist of Fate but Eric bails to the floor. Dixie cuts off the match and says the winner of this is going on to the main event for the World Title. The fans get behind Jeff as Eric pounds away and shoves Jeff off the top for a big crash.
Back in and Eric stomps Hardy in the corner before crotching him again to break up a Whisper in the Wind attempt. A choke out of the corner and a neckbreaker give Eric a near fall but he dives into a raised boot to give Jeff a breather. Another Twist of Fate is broken up as Eric gets crotched, only to shove Eric down and hit the Swanton for the pin at 10:02.
Rating: C-. Just a basic match here but that announcement sealed the ending. You knew they were going to try to get Jeff into the title hunt as soon as possible as they really don’t have anyone else to thrown out there. The match was nothing interesting either but that’s to be expected with these two.
Post match here are Matt Hardy and company with something to say. After the break, Matt says he would have been there to help Jeff but he had to take care of his family. Reby thinks that Jeff is Maxell’s second favorite wrestler and lets him hold the baby. Matt offers his brother a long build towards a Bound For Glory match but Jeff doesn’t buy it. He’ll take that match tonight and counters a Twist of Fate attempt into one on the champ to stand tall.
Earlier today, Eddie Edwards was attacked by the Decay.
Mike Bennett and Maria Kanellis promise to destroy Gail Kim and Drew Galloway.
Eddie Edwards says he’s ready to fight Beer Money on his own but they’re willing to join forces with him to fight Decay tonight.
Mike Bennett/Maria Kanellis vs. Gail Kim/Drew Galloway
The women start but Maria bails to the corner for a tag before anything can happen. Drew comes in and kicks Mike in the face before bringing Gail back in for a few shots of his own. Back to Drew as the announcers talk about the sitcoms airing on POP. Drew tells Bennett to bring it so Maria slaps him in the face.
That just makes Drew chop Mike even faster but he gets pulled off the top for a crash. Maria comes in and tries to keep Drew away from Gail, which goes about as well as you would expect. The tag brings in Gail for Eat Defeat to Bennett followed by a Claymore but Maria grabs a rollup on Gail with a handful of trunks for the pin at 5:07.
Rating: D+. This was a way to get Maria in the ring and at least Gail lost for a change. Of course that doesn’t mean anything because she’s always going to wind up getting the title back for a long reign because TNA thinks she’s the most amazing thing on the planet. The fact that everything Maria says is accurate doesn’t help things either. This division really needs a breath of air and Gail near the top isn’t going to do that any good.
We look back at Lashley turning heel to end last week’s show.
Here’s Lashley in the ring for an interview about his actions last week. He waited a long time to fight Angle because he’s the best and strongest around this company, which he proved last week. So why does he get overlooked for the Drew Galloways and the Jeff Hardys? Politics maybe? Not that it matters as Lashley came after Kurt to prove he belonged here. Lashley has no friends and wants no friends because he needs no friends. However, Josh Matthews is in his ring right now, so Lashley throws him into the corner. Dang I thought they wanted him to be a heel. Pope comes in for the save and gets beaten down as well, which the fans actually don’t like.
That’s their best idea to make him a heel? Have him beat up the most annoying announcer this side of Cole as a Miz fan? As usual, anytime Lashley talks, things go badly for him as there’s no charisma or any kind of an intimidating voice. The idea here is good but the execution was a disaster of course.
The Decay welcomes us to their black hole and promises a third person to fight against Beer Money and Edwards.
Jeremy Borash has replaced Pope on commentary.
Ethan Carter III congratulates Jeff Hardy for getting into the World Title match but Jeff says he’s winning the title for the Creatures.
Decay vs. Eddie Edwards/Beer Money
The partner is Rosemary, which should make for some interesting action. Steve jumps Storm from behind to start but it’s quickly off to Roode for two off a release gordbuster. Abyss comes in to start cleaning house by slamming Roode down, allowing him to chokeslam Steve onto Roode’s body for two. Rosemary gets the tag and hammers away for a bit before Roode avoids a Cannonball from Steve. The hot tag brings in Storm for his chance to clean house but Steve pulls Rosemary away from the double suplex. Instead Rosemary mists Edwards, allowing Steve to get the pin at 7:17.
Rating: D+. This did nothing for me as it was just two teams doing moves to each other for a few minutes until the ending. Decay is an idea but it’s something we’ve seen enough times before that it’s a bit hard to get behind. They’re definitely entertaining and freaky enough to get noticed but losing that title shot a few weeks back crippled their push.
Billy Corgan (You know him. I mean, you all read the internet so you know he has power here. It’s not like we ever need to TELL YOU THAT or anything.) tells Grado that TNA has come to a decision and will let him know the fate of the Feast or Fired case in the ring.
Matt and Reby accuse Dixie of adding Jeff to the match because she’s jealous. This earns them a new stipulation for the title match: no countout and no DQ. Aren’t all triple threats like that already?
We recap the King of the Mountain Title briefcase issue with TNA finally showing the footage of Eli Drake switching the briefcases. This was released on TNA’s Youtube page so of course TNA assumed we had all seen it. Corgan comes out and says it’s Drake’s case but Grado gets a new contract. Oh but it’s going to be above the ring in a ladder match after the break. BUILD THIS STUFF UP!
Eli Drake vs. Grado
The announcers try to figure out what’s on the line here as Drake hits Grado in the back with the ladder. A hard whip sends Eli into the ladder and Grado starts his comeback, only to have Jesse Godderz come out for the save. Cue Mahabali Shera for a save but the heels hit him in the back with the briefcase. Grado goes up the ladder but dives onto the pile for an unnecessary chance. Another attempt at the case is stopped by Drake so Grado takes him down with a huge electric chair, which is enough for Grado to pull down the contract at 7:07.
Rating: C. Ok and now what? Grado is back on the roster after never really being off and they blew off the thing in a ladder match on five minutes notice. This is the kind of stuff that gets on my nerves about TNA: they have all these matches and stories and they blow them off on the live shows to pop ratings but then they go to eternal rematches afterwards because they have nothing left to air. That’s way too hasty and it gets them in trouble a lot of the time.
Eric Young tells Bram that everyone is out to get him so they have to work together.
TNA World Title: Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Ethan Carter III
Matt is defending and we don’t even get big match intros. The challengers beat Matt down to start but it’s Ethan grabbing a rollup for two on Jeff. Carter drops both Hardys and sends them both to the floor as we take a break. Back with Ethan down on the floor after a Side Effect and but Jeff blocks a Twist of Fate. The Swanton is loaded up but here are Bram and Eric Young to pull Jeff down and piledrive him on the concrete. Jeff is taken out as Carter gets back in and hits his Stinger Splash, drawing out Spud and Tyrus for another save.
They’re quickly dispatched though, allowing Matt to kick Ethan low. The Twist of Fate is countered into the 1%er but Mike Bennett comes in (ENOUGH ALREADY!) to chair Carter in the back. That’s only good for two and the Twist of Fate gets the same. Bennett throws Carter to the floor and fights into the crowd with Bennett getting in another chair shot. Matt is ready to leave and shouts at the fans that he’s leaving as champion…..but here’s Galloway to cash in his briefcase as the triple threat is a no contest at 18:30.
Rating: D+. The run-ins were driving me insane here as they took away anything this could have gotten going. The major bright spot here though is that Carter didn’t get pinned. That should be a major moment and wasting it in a triple threat would have been a big waste. I’m really not a big fan of having people added to matches to make them a triple threat but TNA is in love with the idea and that’s what we were stuck with here.
TNA World Title: Drew Galloway vs. Matt Hardy
The Claymore and Future Shock give Drew the title at 18 seconds.
Drew celebrates with the title to end the show.
Overall Rating: D+. This is TNA’s major TV problem showing its head again: there’s WAY too much being burned off in a single show and not enough over the coming weeks. You could have had Grado vs. Drake announced for next week, Jeff vs. Young go on last (assuming Jeff is healthy enough to compete) and the World Title match at a later date. Instead they threw all that together and didn’t even get a good show out of it. It’s not bad but WAY too much in a single night, which isn’t a good thing.
Results
Jeff Hardy b. Eric Young – Swanton Bomb
Maria Kanellis/Mike Bennett b. Drew Galloway/Gail Kim – Rollup with a handful of trunks
Decay b. Eddie Edwards/Beer Money – Steve pinned Edwards after mist from Rosemary
Grado b. Eli Drake – Grado pulled down the contract
Matt Hardy vs. Ethan Carter III vs. Jeff Hardy went to a no contest
Drew Galloway b. Matt Hardy – Future Shock
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume IV at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Monday Night Raw – March 14, 2016: The Mad Scramble
Monday Night Raw Date: March 14, 2016
Location: Energy Center, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Byron Saxton
This is one of the final three Raw’s before Wrestlemania and things are starting to get interesting. The question though is what to do with Roman Reigns. It’s pretty clear that the fans don’t want to cheer for him but at some point they either need to change the main event or accept the crowd reactions. Let’s get to it.
Tag Team Titles: New Day vs. Rusev/Alberto Del Rio
Woods says there’s no stopping this New Day train and they’ve had a good time celebrating on Twitter. After shilling the cereal box (Kofi: “This is a real thing you can get on WWE.com!”), Big E. talks about having some Kim Kardashian inspired gluteal workout DVDs. Kofi is actually the odd man out here for a change.
The announcers explain the Freebird Rule as Rusev and Big E. shove each other around to start. The fans want Lana but Rusev laughs them off, only to get caught in the abdominal stretch, complete with a quick spanking. There’s the Unicorn Stampede before Big E. throws Woods into Rusev’s face. Rusev kicks him away and brings in Del Rio who suplexes Big E. for two. A Backstabber gets two more before Woods gets kicked in the face as well as we take a break.
Back with Woods caught in Rusev’s bearhug, followed by Del Rio slapping on a chinlock. As usual the League is burning up the mat with this offense. Woods kicks him in the leg and knees Alberto in the face, allowing for the hot tag to Big E. The Warrior Splash gets two and everything breaks down with Woods DDTing Rusev. Del Rio double stomps Big E. to the floor and Rusev kicks Woods in the face for two. Everything breaks down and Kofi goes after Barrett, allowing Woods to roll Rusev up with a handful of trunks for the pin at 13:40.
Rating: C. The match was dull at times but a lot of that is due to the League. New Day is awesome but there’s only so much you can do with a team whose entire gimmick is “we’re from other countries.” You would think this ends things but since this is WWE, the odds are that they’ll keep going a bit longer.
Post match the League destroys New Day for a long time, which would seem to set up another match at Wrestlemania.
Here’s Dean Ambrose with something to say. After seeing the false finish from Roadblock, Ambrose says he’s upset that he isn’t here tonight as the WWE World Champion. One thing is for sure though: HHH is more sore tonight than he’s ever been. That brings Dean to the Road to Wrestlemania but this brings out Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar. Heyman gives Brock a huge introduction but Dean wants Paul to unleash the Beast.
That’s not a good business move though as it would eliminate one of the biggest matches at Wrestlemania. You don’t want to lose the main event of Wrestlemania, because any match that Brock Lesnar is in is the main event. Heyman says he’ll see Dean in twenty nights and leaves but Brock heads towards the ring. Dean pulls out a crowbar and Brock circles the ring, only to wisely leave before getting hit in the head with a steel crowbar.
Ryback vs. Sin Cara
Cara is in black compared to Kalisto’s white with the mask making him look like a cat. Ryback throws him down to start and does the Thesz press, followed by a big backdrop. The squashing continues with a hard clothesline for two before it’s off to the chinlock. Cara low bridges him to the floor and gets in a suicide dive, only to have a dive caught in the Shell Shock. A second Shell Shock wraps this up at 4:17.
Rating: D+. Total squash but at least they’re finally getting somewhere with Ryback. It’s even better as they’re getting closer to splitting up the Dragons, which has been needed for months now. Hopefully this sets up the title match at Wrestlemania, which is pretty obviously the next step and maybe it can even be a singles match.
Post match Ryback says that’s what happens when a big guy faces a little guy. On top of that though, he’d like a US Title shot at Wrestlemania. Well to be fair, he did just beat Sin Cara. That better make him the #1 contender.
Here’s a strutting Stephanie McMahon who brings out HHH for some bragging about winning on Saturday. It was so much fun crushing the fans’ hope at Roadblock because everyone has hope. It starts in high school when you’re ready to take over the world but then you get married and get a job where hope kicks in. You hope for a raise or a promotion but when you don’t get it, you’re the last person to be blamed.
Then people like the guy in the front row goes to the bar to drink and blame the authority above them because nothing can ever get better. Then you start hoping for the lottery but then thirty years go by and you might get a watch. By this point everything is falling apart and you wind up in a home drooling on yourself. People like that cheer for Roman Reigns because they hope that he can win overcome the Authority and take the WWE World Title at Wrestlemania. He’s going to fail though, just like all of your lives, because the Authority always wins. This brings out…..Dolph Ziggler?
Dolph gets right to the sucking up to the fans, which Stephanie says is very Cena-esque of him. Stephanie knows Dolph is good but he’s not all that great. He’s never going to quit because he’s tired of the fans being insulted. The people live through Ziggler and Ambrose because they were screwed by the system, the Authority’s system. They tease firing him but HHH says that’s not how this works because the Authority knows Ziggler is beloved.
HHH offers a chance at Ziggler joining the Authority but Dolph would never join forces with a corrupt boss and his stupid wife. There’s the big slap but Ziggler still won’t quit. Stephanie makes Ziggler an offer: if he can win any one match tonight, he can have any match he wants at Wrestlemania (save for the World Title match of course). The match is against HHH, albeit non-title.
Why am I watching Dolph Ziggler get a match against HHH with twenty days to go before Raw? I know Ziggler is still kind of popular but does anyone really think this is the best option they have? Are they that scared of putting Reigns on TV this close to Wrestlemania? You would think they would change things around if that’s how bad it’s gotten but for some reason they seem dead set on having Reigns take the title and get his big glory moment, assuming of course that he actually wins the thing.
Sami Zayn vs. The Miz
Kevin Owens is on commentary of course. Sami sends him to the floor but has to bail out of the big dive. We take a break and come back with Sami fighting out of a double arm crank, only to walk int a DDT for two. Sami starts his comeback with the clotheslines and sends Miz to the floor for the big flip dive. Owens offers a distraction but Miz actually takes him own, allowing Sami to hit the Helluva Kick for the pin at 7:17.
Rating: C-. Way too much of this was in the break but it was much more about storytelling than anything else and at least Miz lost. The Intercontinental Title match has the potential to be a mess, mainly because they seem intent to add Miz to the match despite his lone win being that minute and a half pin on Ziggler a few weeks back.
We look back at the League beating New Day down.
The League wants one more match with New Day at Wrestlemania where it won’t be a comedy.
Naomi/Tamina vs. Alicia Fox/Brie Bella
Lana comes out for an early distraction, allowing Naomi to get in a cheap shot on Alicia. Tamina cranks on her neck but it’s off to Brie for the worst YES Kicks she’s ever done, which is covering a lot of ground. The BRIE MODE knee hits Tamina and a middle rope Bella Buster gets two as Naomi makes the save. Everything breaks down and Lana offers a distraction, allowing Tamina and Naomi to hit a powerslam/neckbreaker combo for the pin on Brie at 2:41.
Alicia goes after Lana but walks into a double superkick.
The Social Outcasts shill for Burger King.
Lana wants the Divas Title when Paige comes in to say Lana hasn’t even had a match yet. If Lana wants a test against a real Diva, Paige would be happy to oblige. This brings in Naomi and Tamina to say Paige shouldn’t run her mouth.
Charlotte talks about how she knew Sasha and Becky before they were Sasha and Becky. She can remember holding Sasha’s hair back before Sasha’s first match because Banks was so nervous. Charlotte can remember Becky being so nervous that she had to be calmed down. Ric is very amused by all this and promises that Charlotte is walking out as champion. This was nice and it’s a good idea to add something personal to the three way. These women have a past and it would be stupid to not go somewhere with it.
Usos vs. Adam Rose/Bo Dallas
The Dudley Boyz are on commentary and talks about not using tables as a crutch. A long string of superkicks put the Outcasts down and the Superfly Splash puts Dallas away at 1:56.
Dean is in the back with his crowbar when Mick Foley comes in. He knows Dean doesn’t have that thing because he loves baseball so why is he doing all this? Dean asks if Foley was afraid when he was on top of that Cell with the Undertaker. Foley: “You mean right here in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania?”
Foley was afraid but he was up there because that’s what he does. Dean: “I’m Dean Ambrose and this is what I do.” Foley is sick of hearing about Suplex City and would love for Dean to do something about it. Therefore, he has a present for Dean. Foley hands Dean a box and leaves, allowing Dean to pull out the baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire. Again good stuff, but I hope Foley has something else to do besides this match. Ambrose vs. Lesnar doesn’t need help so why waste what Foley can add here?
Dolph Ziggler vs. HHH
Non-title. Cole says this is HHH’s first match on Raw in nearly three years, which you can add to his list of inaccurate statements that are intended to make him sound smart. Ziggler headlocks him down to start and holds onto it for a good while until HHH gets in an elbow to the jaw. A hard whip puts Ziggler into the barricade and we take a break. Back with HHH working on the arm via an armbar and its flying cousin.
The jumping knee to the face gets two and HHH drops the knee to the head for two more. Ziggler is sent to the floor and into the steps for a big crash as the arm is being destroyed. HHH goes to the middle rope for the sole reason of diving into a raised boot (haven’t seen that stupid spot in a long time) and it’s time for the comeback.
The superkick is blocked but the Pedigree is countered so Ziggler settles for two off the Fameasser. You can hear the crowd getting into this. Ziggler gets two off the running DDT but runs into the spinebuster for no cover, though we do get a spot call. A very quick superkick (the called spot) gets two and HHH goes to the outside for a breather. Back in and the Zig Zag is countered, setting up the Pedigree for the pin at 17:29.
Rating: B-. Better than it should have been, especially for what was little more than a long practice session to get HHH back in ring shape. The problem here is that Ziggler isn’t someone who is going to get interest in a match like this because no matter how you look at it, he’s still Dolph Ziggler. Good match though.
Post match here’s Roman Reigns coming down the aisle for no apparent reason, though threats of death by booing could be a possibility. The booing is there but it’s not as bad as it’s been in the past. Reigns destroys HHH around the ring and beats him into the announcers’ table just like HHH did a few weeks ago. HHH gets knocked along the outside and heads to the technical area. They head to the back where HHH is bleeding from the side of the head. Reigns breaks a TV monitor over his head and some wrestlers finally get him out of there.
Jackie Moore Hall of Fame video.
Goldust is walking through the back (because he’s just there in wrestling gear every week) when he runs into a penguin. Of course it’s R-Truth, but he doesn’t know they’re in Pittsburgh (the Pittsburgh Penguins are a hockey team if that makes no sense). See, when penguins meet their mates, they’re mates for life. Therefore, R-Truth wants Goldust to be his tag partner for life. That’s another no from Goldust. R-Truth: “That’s cold.”
Chris Jericho comes out for his match but first he has to insult the fans for cheering AJ Styles. Last week Jericho had to show AJ who his daddy was because Jericho is the really phenomenal one.
Chris Jericho vs. Neville
Jericho starts fast and sends him out to the floor for a break less than a minute in. Back with Neville hurricanrana Jericho for two but coming up limping. Jericho rolls him up for two before shoving the referee for the DQ at 4:50. No rating due to the commercial of course.
Post match Jericho tells the fans to chant for AJ Styles so here’s AJ with a forearm, now called the Phenomenal Forearm.
Here’s Vince to wrap things up. Vince has his entrance done twice for some reason before talking about how Shane could come out here the night after Wrestlemania and talk about how it’s a new era in WWE. Everything will change because it’s a new reality but that reality is going to be a nightmare. However that’s not going to happen because Vince has the ultimate instrument of destruction named the Undertaker.
After a nearly three minute entrance, Vince tells Undertaker to never put his hands on him again (referencing a few weeks back). Undertaker takes off the hat and coat so Vince apologizes for bringing it up again. Vince knows that Undertaker doesn’t mind doing the devil’s work like ramming Shane McMahon into the steel and leaving his spirit in a pool beneath his feet. Some people call it an unholy alliance but Vince calls it best for business. Cue Shane and his orange shoes to say that he’ll never stop coming at Undertaker no matter how long it takes.
Undertaker grabs the mic and says it still won’t be enough. Undertaker’s legacy, even more than Wrestlemania, is his fists. Shane agrees that Undertaker is a legend but he doesn’t understand why Undertaker is dancing like Vince’s puppet. Undertaker says no one controls him but Shane says Undertaker is being Vince’s…..well I think you know what he said. The fight is on and amazingly enough Shane’s punches have almost no effect. Vince shoves Shane into a chokeslam before running away from Undertaker to end the show.
Overall Rating: D+. Well that was something. It’s like they suddenly remembered that Wrestlemania is in less than three weeks but forgot that they haven’t done jack yet. Some of the stuff on there is fine (Brock vs. Dean) and can help fix a lot of the issues so it’s not a total loss, but stuff like HHH vs. Reigns is firmly in car wreck territory. The midcard stuff is better but the two main events are absolute disasters at this point. This show could be one of the biggest disasters in years unless they pull off a miracle (which they could). Right now it really does feel like they’ve run out of ideas and are throwing in whatever they can to make this work, which is almost never a good idea.
Results
New Day b. Rusev/Alberto Del Rio – Rollup with a handful of trunks to Rusev
Ryback b. Sin Cara – Shell Shock
Sami Zayn b. The Miz – Helluva Kick
Tamina/Naomi b. Alicia Fox/Brie Bella – Powerslam/neckbreaker combination to Fox
Usos b. Adam Rose/Bo Dallas – Superfly Splash
HHH b. Dolph Ziggler – Pedigree
Neville b. Chris Jericho via DQ when Jericho shoved the referee
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of the Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume IV at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Ring of Honor Date: March 9, 2016
Location: Nashville Municipal Auditorium, Nashville, Tennessee
Attendance: 675
Commentators: Kevin Kelly, Mr. Wrestling III
It’s another stand alone show as we wait the first tapings from after the Anniversary Show. This week is a big week as we have the finals of the Top Prospect Tournament, though the most interesting prospect has already been eliminated. Other than that we don’t have a lot going on but one big match is better than none. Let’s get to it.
Dalton Castle talks about drawing a bath the other night when he realized he was hungry. Not for food though, but rather victories. He’ll be taking the moon starting tonight with Christopher Daniels.
Opening sequence.
Top Prospect Tournament Finals: Brian Fury vs. Lio Rush
They take their time to start with the bigger (though still average sized) guy shoving Rush around with ease. Rush takes him to the mat for some technical stuff as the crowd is eerily silent here. It’s almost like there’s no reason to care about either guy and it’s based entirely on their work. Fury gets knocked to the floor for a suicide dive as commentary is gone for some reason. A hiptoss counters a charge to send Rush into the barricade as we take a break.
Back with Rush doing the same kind of strike sequence that almost every indy wrestler does. Fury nails a headbutt to set up the Pop Up Powerbomb, only to be countered with a hurricanrana. A DDT gets two for Rush but Fury grabs a Gory Special into a faceplant for two of his own. Fury reverses a sunset flip and puts his hand on the rope for two but gets caught by an actually competent referee. The Pop Up Powerbomb gets two on Lio so he comes back with the C4 for the pin and the tournament at 9:02.
Rating: C+. The match was fun and if they’re so obsessed with Lio then so be it but I still don’t get it. Fury wasn’t much better as an option due to his age but I would have liked to see someone different instead of someone who screams INDY WRESTLER. It’s not a bad match or anything here so good enough, just nothing that interests me due to the names in there.
ReDRagon is ready for a tag team gauntlet match next week.
Moose vs. Kongo
Kongo is overweight and his singlet looks torn. No Stokely Hathaway for Moose here. They slug it out to start with Moose getting the better of it off a dropkick. Kongo is sent hard into the barricade but he sidesteps Moose to send him in as well. Back in and Kongo crushes him with a pair of splashes as this is WAY more competitive than it should be.
Moose headbutts him a few times before no selling a suplex. A discus lariat gets two on Kongo but he comes back with a Pounce of all things (minus the actual pouncing) for his own near fall. Moose bicycle kicks him in the face and runs the ropes for a cross body which was more like a standing splash to the face. The spear puts Kongo away at 5:04.
Rating: D-. Horrible stuff here as Kongo was a horrible option here. This should have been Kongo hitting a few fat man forearms to the back and then getting speared down for the pin in thirty seconds. Not every match needs to be some drawn out affair that wastes this much of our time on a boring match. Bad booking here and it showed horribly.
The Young Bucks are ready for the gauntlet match.
Earlier today, Mike Posey and the Get A Long Gang (seriously) rapped a lot until Cheeseburger came out to beat them down with a bunch of palm strikes.
Ad for War of the Worlds and all the New Japan stars who are coming in again.
We recap Jonathan Gresham turning down Veda Scott’s offer of money in exchange for a TV Title shot and his departure from the company.
Cedric Alexander vs. Adam Page
Scott is in her wrestling gear here which is rather fetching. Never mind as BJ Whitmer comes in and beats Page down. Alexander joins in until Gresham runs out for the save, possibly setting up a tag match next week.
We recap Silas Young/Beer City Bruiser beating the Boys last week which lead to Dalton Castle being beaten down.
Dalton Castle vs. Christopher Daniels
Silas Young is on commentary. They shove each other around to start until Silas stands up for a distraction. Young: “I’m just adjusting my pants!” Castle offers a clean break in the corner but stops Daniels in his tracks with a peacock chest thrust. They trade shoulders and it’s a standoff over who can bend backwards further.
Daniels can’t get as deep so Dalton gutwrenches him down before slowing down again. Castle’s running knee puts Daniels on the floor but he drives Dalton back first into the barricade. Kazarian offers an unnecessary distraction and we hit the waistlock to keep Dalton in trouble.
Back from a break with Castle hitting a running clothesline, followed by a pair of suplexes. A bridging German suplex gets two on Daniels as they’re still just trading moves with no particular rhyme or reason. Dalton misses a high cross body but Kazarian punches one of the Boys. That goes nowhere so Daniels grabs Angel’s Wings for the pin at 11:11.
Rating: D. I really wasn’t feeling this one as Young and Kazarian screwed up whatever they might have gotten going. It doesn’t help that these two have no reason to be fighting, much like Castle has no reason to still be fighting Young. Those two have been feuding for months and there’s really no reason for it to keep going. It’s not like it’s done Castle any good either as he was one of the hottest acts on the show and now he’s just there.
Post match Castle says everyone knows he’s better than Silas and it’s time for some titles. That can’t happen though because Castle can’t stop focusing on Silas. They should be done with each other so let’s have a Fight Without Honor.
Overall Rating: D. This was pretty easily the worst show they’ve had in months and there’s little to blame other than the way the show was put together. I’m really not sure why the tournament opened the show when the announcement of the Fight Without Honor wasn’t the strongest ending in the first place. Just a bad show with only one watchable match and very little interesting as far as storyline development. I expected a lot better than this from ROH.
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Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania XI: Playing Chess With Mr. Backlund
Wrestlemania XI Date: April 2, 1995
Location: Hartford Civic Center, Hartford, Connecticut
Attendance: 16,305
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Vince McMahon
This is one of the dark Wrestlemanias in that it was a very bad time for the company. That being said, the show was very well received and wound up being kind of a saving grace for the WWF. The main events are Diesel defending the title against Shawn (shocking I know) and Bam Bam Bigelow vs. NFL Hall of Famer (not at this point though) Lawrence Taylor. Let’s get to it.
We open with clips from every Wrestlemania. That’s a nice idea, especially for back then when you can do this in 90 seconds. Today it would take way too long. Apparently Pamela Anderson, Jenny McCarthy and others are starring in this show. Good to know indeed.
A special Olympian sings America the Beautiful. Nothing wrong with that.
Allied Powers vs. Blu Brothers
I don’t remember if Allied Powers was their official name but it’s Luger/British Bulldog. The Brothers are whatever name you best know the Harris Brothers by, which is most likely the DOA. The timing of this redo is perfect, as their manager is Uncle Zebekiah, who is currently Zeb Colter, manager of Jack Swagger. It’s a big brawl to start and the good guys hit stereo powerslams to take over. Bulldog and we’ll say Jacob (partner of Eli) start and there’s the delayed vertical after only a few seconds.
Off to a headlock by the Brit as Vince sounds like he’s in an auditorium for some reason. The Brothers take over with heel power moves and it’s off to Eli for a side slam. A double big boot from the twins puts Bulldog right back down but Bulldog starts firing off right hands. With the referee holding the Bulldog back, the Brothers pull a switch but they switch back just a few seconds later. That’s some high quality leadership there Zeb.
We’ll say Jacob takes too much time on a middle rope elbow so the British guy moves. Hot tag brings in Luger and house is cleaned. There’s a powerslam and the steel forearm smash gets two. Zebekiah interferes and the twins switch again, allowing Eli to kick out of the forearm which didn’t hit him. Not that it matters as British hits a sunset flip for the pin out of nowhere. Not that he was legal or anything but who cares?
Rating: C-. This match uh…..exists I guess. Seriously that’s all I’ve got here. It wasn’t a good match or anything but I’ve seen worse. That’s the problem here: it’s so average that it’s barely worth talking about. Luger would be gone in a few months back to WCW, which was the best move as he was doing stuff like this for the next six months or so. Nothing to see here at all and a really odd choice for a match and especially the opener.
Apparently that win deserves fireworks. If that’s the high point of the show, we’re in BIG trouble.
Zebekiah demands justice because the wrong Blu got pinned.
Nicholas Turturro is supposed to interview Pamela Anderson but we have audio difficulties.
Lawler explains football: it’s just like the post office. “Eleven guys spend an hour trying to move a small object 100 yards.” Andy Griffith he is not.
Intercontinental Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Razor Ramon
Jarrett, the champion, has a manager here named The Roadie who would become Jesse James, making this the ultimate battle of the double initials. This is a rematch from the Rumble where Ramon got counted out but agreed to come back in where he lost the title when his knee gave out. The 1-2-3 Kid is with Razor to counteract the Roadie. Razor decks Jeff to start and the champion immediately heads to the floor. That’s nice of him as it allows Razor’s pyro to go off.
A big right hand takes Jarrett down and Razor clotheslines him out to the floor for good measure. Back in and a sunset flip out of the corner by the champion is blocked by a right hand. Ramon keeps up his barrage of punches by faking Jarrett out and punching him even more. Roadie bails Jarrett out of the Razor’s Edge and the champion regroups a bit on the floor.
Back inside and Roadie cheats a bit with some choking, only to have Jeff miss a charge and land on him. All Razor so far. Back in again and Jarrett hits a swinging neckbreaker and some dropkicks to take over. We hit the chinlock for a bit before things speed up with both guys getting near falls. Jarrett hooks a sleeper that lasts even less time than the chinlock so Jeff punches him down and hooks another chinlock.
Razor escapes again via a suplex but both guys are down. They get up at the same time and collide to put them down again. That’s a bit of overkill but whatever. Again they get up and a double punch puts them down for a third time. Ramon comes back with more punches and they actually stay up for once. A fallaway slam gets two and there’s the discus punch to put Jarrett down again. The Kid tries to interfere but gets kicked into the barricade.
Razor loads up his middle rope bulldog but misses and lands on his bad knee. The Figure Four goes on and Razor is in trouble. After some interference from Roadie, Ramon turns the hold over but Jeff quickly lets it go. Ramon hits a quick belly to back superplex to put Jarret down and it’s time for the Edge, which draws in Roadie for the DQ.
Rating: C. This match was mainly punches but Razor was so insanely over the he carried the crowd. Jarrett was pretty dull at this point but he would reach all new levels of dull later on in WCW. Razor would finally get the title back in a ladder match on a house show in May, but it would only last for two days. The match here was ok but nothing worth seeing. It was better than the first match though.
Post match Jarrett puts the Kid in the Figure Four.
Jarrett says that was perfectly good conduct for a champion.
Turturro is with Jenny McCarthy and nothing of note is said. Pamela Anderson is nowhere to be seen but Shawn pops in to say nothing is wrong. Team DiBiase is behind them planning for later. Sid says Diesel is going down tonight.
King Kong Bundy vs. Undertaker
This is part of the never ending Undertaker vs. Million Dollar Corporation feud. The Corporation stole the Urn at the Rumble and tonight is about revenge and getting the Urn back. Before Taker comes out, Todd Pettingil talks to some football player. The referee is a Major League umpire who is moonlighting because MLB is on strike. Undertaker stares at DiBiase before the bell and Ted drops the Urn.
Taker pounds away to start and hits Young School but he can’t drop Bundy. The jumping clothesline finally puts him down but Bundy knocks him over the top to the floor in retaliation. Taker lands on his feet right in front of DiBiase and takes the Urn back from him. Paul Bearer gets the Urn back but Kama Mustafa (Godfather) comes out to steal the Urn back. This is like a bad comedy.
Taker tries to stop the theft but Bundy jumps the Dead Man, allowing Kama to get it. He says he’s going to melt it down and make it a necklace. Bundy pounds on Taker a bit and slams him down before getting two off a knee drop. We hit the fat man chinlock fot a bit before Taker fights up, only to get caught by the Avalanche in the corner. No selling is done today, and it’s a slam and the jumping clothesline to make Taker 4-0.
Rating: D. This was nothing but a formality for Undertaker as we continue the Urn stealing story for even longer. Bundy was worthless here, other than offering some long forgotten star power. This feud kept going and never got interesting at all since DiBiase’s team was all lame power guys. Nothing to see here and probably Undertaker’s least interesting Mania match ever.
Turturro still can’t find Pamela Anderson. Instead he finds Lawrence Taylor’s All-Pro team of football players who are here to counter the Million Dollar Team. One of these guys is Mongo, future US Champion. Turturro moves on to find Bob Backlund playing chess with Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Backlund goes nuts when he hears Anderson is missing because he has no idea who she is.
Thomas (a 12 year old actor from Home Improvement at the time) checkmates him so Backlund accuses him of taking advantage of his elders. Backlund asks him three questions (who was the 34th President, what is the capital of Honduras, and who is Chief Justice of the Supreme Court) which Thomas answers correctly. Backlund: “THAT’S THE TROUBLE WITH YOUTH TODAY!!! THEY THINK THEY KNOW EVERTHING!!!” Crazy Backlund was GOLD.
Tag Titles: Owen Hart/??? vs. Smoking Gunns
Owen introduces Yokozuna as his mystery partner. The Gunns are defending here and say they’ll win. Owen and Billy start things off with Hart trying to speed things up. That goes badly for him as Billy slaps him in the face and brings in Bart to work on the arm. Owen fights back though and brings in Yoko who misses an elbow drop. Back to Owen as we’re firmly in the Colossal Connection formula (Owen does the wrestling, Yoko comes in for a few seconds to destroy whoever he’s fighting).
The Gunns hit a double legsweep on Hart and a double flapjack gets two. Owen finally escapes a backdrop attempt and brings in Yoko. Billy gets taken down and sat on, giving the foreigners control. Off to a nerve hold which hopefully doesn’t last as long as the ones last year did. After we kill a minute or so in the hold, Owen loads up a missile dropkick but hits his partner by mistake. There’s the hot tag to Bart and house is cleaned, but Billy walks into a belly to belly suplex. The Banzai Drop hits but Bart breaks up the pin. Not that it really matters though as Owen covers Billy for the pin and the title, Owen’s first in the company.
Rating: C-. Another decent but lackluster match here which is the theme of this show. The Gunns losing was definitely the right call as Owen and Yoko made for dominant champions for several months. Other than that though, the match was boring stuff overall. Owen finally getting a title was a good moment though.
Bam Bam Bigelow is in the back and we look at the history between him and Taylor. At the Rumble, Bigelow lost in the finals of a tag title tournament and Taylor laughed at him. Bigelow shoved him and Wrestlemania was made. Bigelow doesn’t have anything significant to say here. For some reason Todd Pettingil has headphones on here, presumably because of the audio difficulties. Apparently Lawler accidentally kicked some cords out and the commentary had to be re-recorded later. Maybe that’s what’s going on.
Bret Hart vs. Bob Backlund
This is an I Quit match with Roddy Piper as guest referee. They had a previous I Quit match at Survivor Series which wound up being pretty awesome as an old school style match that ran about thirty five minutes. Thanks to Owen cheating, Backlund won the title and shocked the world, so tonight is about revenge for Hart. Piper is here for no apparent reason whatsoever.
Bret pounds away to start and sends Backlund hard into the corner. An early Sharpshooter attempt is blocked so Bret drops an elbow. Bret keeps pounding on him and Piper asks if Backlund quits way too often. Another Sharpshooter attempt doesn’t work so here’s a Figure Four by Bret instead. Backlund turns it over but Bret lets go before it goes badly for him.
Off to a leg lock by Hart as the match slows down a bit. We hear about Bret hating Japanese people which was an angle that didn’t go anywhere. Backlund grabs at Bret’s face to escape before finally just kicking Hart in the face. Bob starts going after the arm but Bret avoids the chickenwing. Instead it’s a Fujiwara Armbar and the fans are getting restless. Bob pounds on the arm even more with an armbar as Piper asks Bret if he gives up for about the dozenth time.
Bret finally fights back and hits the backbreaker and middle rope elbow. The Sharpshooter doesn’t work but Bret misses a charge into the corner, going shoulder first into the post. Bob hooks the chickenwing but Bret reverses into one of his own. Backlund yells incoherently which apparently counts as a submission, giving Bret the win.
Rating: D+. I love the original version of this but the rematch didn’t work at all. For one thing, a match about making someone quit with guys of this caliber should probably be longer than ten minutes. On top of that, it was really dull stuff. This didn’t work at all and even Bret has said it’s one of his least favorite matches ever.
Backlund says he saw the light and looks crazier than usual.
Pamela Anderson is nowhere to be found so changes have been made. Ok then.
Diesel says something that I can’t understand because the audio keeps messing up. This is getting REALLY annoying. The audio is fixed long enough for Diesel to say nothing of note.
Jonathan Taylor Thomas comes out to be timekeeper for the title match. Turturro is ring announcer because we haven’t seen him enough tonight. At least he seems excited to be here though.
WWF World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Diesel
Diesel is defending and Jenny McCarthy comes out with Shawn. Pam Anderson comes out with Diesel to tick Shawn off, even though I thought McCarthy looked better. Shawn tries to jump Diesel but gets backdropped to the floor so Anderson can come in and pose. We actually get going and Shawn is dropped by a right hand. Diesel beals him out of the corner and Shawn is in trouble early.
A big backdrop puts Shawn down and Diesel throws him out to the floor. It’s time to stall until Sid distracts Diesel. That doesn’t work either as Diesel blasts Shawn coming in. Shawn pounds away in the corner but gets shoved away like he’s not even there. A suplex puts Shawn down and Diesel easily throws him out to the floor. Sid’s latest attempt at a distraction lets Shawn get in a few punches and gain brief control.
Diesel is thrown to the floor but Shawn skins the cat to stay alive. A BIG dive off the top takes Diesel down and a baseball slide keeps him down. Shawn tries another baseball slide but Diesel steps to the side, only to accidentally ram himself ribs first into the post. A Sid chant breaks out as Shawn hits a running splash off the apron. They get back in as Sid and Hebner get in an argument which goes nowhere.
Shawn stays on the ribs before getting two off a middle rope bulldog. Back to the injured back/ribs of Diesel we go as the fans are behind Shawn now. A top rope elbow hits the back for two. The champ counters a front facelock into a backdrop and there’s a second one. Shawn sends him into the buckle to slow Diesel down again and there’s a sleeper. The champ escapes and hits a corner clothesline followed by Snake Eyes.
We head to the floor for a second time and Diesel wins a quick slugout. Sid tries to interfere and does nothing at all so we head back inside for a superkick. The referee has hurt his ankle (has there ever been a more prone to injury referee than Earl Hebner? He’s ALWAYS getting hurt) so the kick only gets two. Sid rips a buckle pad off but Diesel suplexes Shawn down before he can do anything about it.
They’re both down now as Hebner’s ankle is strong enough for him to stand up now. Shawn goes to the middle rope for something resembling a dropkick but jumps into a side slam. That was a cool looking catch. Diesel still can’t follow up because of the ribs but he manages to scoop Shawn’s legs out and launch him into (the buckle below) the exposed buckle. A big boot and the Jackknife retain the title as Anderson asks someone if she’s supposed to be clapping now.
Rating: B. It’s good but somehow this won Match of the Year in PWI. For the life of me I have no idea how as it’s not even Shawn’s best match of the year. The rematch would be MUCH better with a typical David vs. Goliath formula. The lack of such a formula here was weird as Diesel, the 7’0 monster, was the underdog. Shawn would turn face very soon after this.
Diesel celebrates with all the celebrities.
Shawn goes on a rant (calling the superkick Chin Music, perhaps for the first time but I’m not sure) about how the referee being hurt cost him the title.
The Million Dollar Team is introduced for the main event: Bundy, Tatanka, Nikolai Volkoff, Kama, I.R.S. and DiBiase himself. We also get the NFL All-Pro Team: Ken Norton, Chris Speilman, Rickey Jackson, Carl Banks, Steve McMichael and Reggie White.
Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Lawrence Taylor
R&B group Salt N Peppa sings What A Man live for Taylor’s entrance. Pat Patterson is guest referee to make sure things go as smoothly as possible. Taylor is a legit NFL superstar so this is an actual big deal as far as celebrities go. There are a TON of reporters and photographers at ringside plus the two teams so it looks like a lumberjack match. Before the bell, Taylor SMACKS Bigelow in the face and we’re ready to go. Oh and Diesel has been training with Taylor. Remember that.
A big forearm immediately puts Bigelow down and a clothesline puts him on the floor. The crowd is losing it over this stuff as Taylor looks GREAT. Back in and a bulldog (decent one too) gets two for Taylor. There’s a hip toss and Bigelow needs a breather. In two minutes, Taylor has already showed more skill and fire than McMichael showed in two and a half years in WCW. Lawrence follows him to the floor and a big brawl almost starts between the teams.
Back in and Bigelow gets in some shots to take over including a headbutt. A falling headbutt misses so Taylor fires off a big forearm to take Bigelow down. Bam Bam pounds him right back down and puts on a Boston crab which almost immediately shifts into a half crab. It breaks down even further into Bigelow just pulling on one leg. Now he just leans on it instead of cranking on it.
Taylor fights up again and hits a suplex of all things to give himself a breather. It’s a quick breather though as Bigelow pounds away even more. There’s Bigelow’s moonsault but he “hurts” his knee in the process. Lawrence kicks out at two (ZERO reaction for the crowd for some reason) and it’s time for a comeback. Bigelow ducks his head so Taylor tries something resembling a suplex that was supposed to be a Jackknife.
Bigelow misses an enziguri but Taylor falls down anyway. The top rope headbutt gets another two and the crowd reacts a bit. Taylor gets his last gasp of energy though and pounds Bigelow in the corner before hitting a pair of big forearms. A third from the middle rope is enough for the shocking upset.
Rating: B. All things considered, this was nothing short of a miracle. Keeping in mind that Taylor had zero experience coming in there, he looked amazing. They didn’t have most of the problems that most celebrity matches have as Taylor looked like he had actual talent instead of looking like he needed someone to walk him through everything. As a regular match this wasn’t much, but all things considered this was great.
Taylor can barely stand up post match and the team has to help him back. DiBiase goes on a rant to end the show.
Overall Rating: D+. You often hear how terrible this show is but it really isn’t that bad. It’s terribly boring and uninteresting for the most part, but there are FAR worse shows out there. The other major problem this show has is that it’s a Wrestlemania. If this show was something like In Your House or even Summerslam it wouldn’t have nearly the bad reputation it does. It’s certainly not good or even decent but it’s FAR better than it’s given credit for.
Ratings Comparison
Allied Powers vs. Blu Brothers
Original: D
Redo: C-
Razor Ramon vs. Jeff Jarrett
Original: D+
Redo: C
Undertaker vs. King Kong Bundy
Original: F+
Redo: D
Owen Hart/Yokozuna vs. Smoking Gunns
Original: D+
Redo: C-
Bob Backlund vs. Bret Hart
Original: F+
Redo: D+
Diesel vs. Shawn Michaels
Original: B
Redo: B
Lawrence Taylor vs. Bam Bam Bigelow
Original: D+
Redo: B
Overall Rating
Original: F+
Redo: D+
Man alive what was bugging me when I watched it the first time? It’s not THAT bad.