Survivor Series 2016
Date: November 20, 2016
Location: Air Canada Centre, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Attendance: 17,143
Commentators: Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, Mauro Ranallo, John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole, David Otunga

I say this every year but it’s always hard to believe that it’s been a full year since this show. This was the first time that a Survivor Series was expanded to four hours but thankfully there’s a good chance that they could make it work, mainly due to the elimination matches. The main event though is Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg, which I’m sure will be completely uneventful. Let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Drew Gulak/Ariya Daivari/Tony Nese vs. Noam Dar/TJ Perkins/Rich Swann

This is a preview match for something called 205 Live, which debuts next week. I know it hasn’t gone great but the division really has evolved into a better place than when it started. Swann gets a nice reaction and then starts with Nese, who gets chopped in the corner. They do their regular flips with Swann’s jump over Nese’s feet getting a good pop (as always) before it’s off to Perkins.

Some suplexes set up an Octopus Hold but Nese reverses into a kind of gutwrench suplex. Gulak comes in and gets caught in the wrong corner with everyone working him over. We actually get a TJ PERKINS chant as he slaps on the kneebar to keep Gulak in trouble. Everything breaks down and we take a break.

Back with Daivari in trouble this time as Dar gets two off a running kick to the face. Nese offers a distraction though and a spinebuster takes Dar down. A superkick gives Daivari two and it’s back to Gulak to crank on the leg. If this sounds rather uninteresting, it’s only because that’s what it is.

Dar dropkicks his way to freedom and the hot tag brings in Swann to very little reaction. A good looking jumping hurricanrana takes Daivari off the middle rope as everything breaks down again. That means we hit the dives but the referee CUTS PERKINS OFF. Now you know that’s not working so Perkins dives over the referee to take out some villains. Back in and Swann’s standing 450 ends Daivari at 11:48.

Rating: C-. I forgot how uninteresting these earlier cruiserweight matches were. The guys barely have characters and the entire story here was “three faces vs. three heels”. It didn’t get much better for a long time but, as usual, the problem comes down to one simple thing: if the smaller guys on the main roster can be big stars and do all these dives, why should I be impressed when cruiserweights can do them too?

Kickoff Show: Luke Harper vs. Kane

Harper is part of the NEW Wyatt Family, which screwed Kane over, meaning we need a match here. Kane grabs a full nelson of all things and we’re in a chinlock fifteen seconds in. That goes nowhere so Harper grabs a headlock as the fans are oddly split here. Kane starts in on the shoulder by sending it into the buckle. Harper sends him outside though and hits that suicide shove of his (Who needs cruiserweights?).

A slingshot flip splash gives Luke two and we take a break. Back with Kane in a chinlock (well duh) but managing to superplex Harper down for a crash. The sidewalk slam gets two but Harper scores with a superkick for the same. Kane’s running DDT and Harper’s Boss Man Slam are good for two more each but it’s the chokeslam to put Harper away at 9:10.

Rating: D+. Well what were you expecting here? This was exactly the match you would have planned out for them and Kane won with his finisher. It’s about as paint by numbers of a power match as you can get and while it wasn’t terrible, it’s also a match I really didn’t need to see.

The opening video looks at Goldberg vs. Lesnar and then all the Raw vs. Smackdown matches. Well at least they got some time. I’m sure Stephanie’s voiceovers had nothing to do with it.

Raw Women’s Team vs. Smackdown Women’s Team

Raw: Bayley, Alicia Fox, Charlotte, Nia Jax, Sasha Banks

Smackdown: Alexa Bliss, Becky Lynch, Carmella, Naomi, Nikki Bella

Entrances alone take forever of course, which will be a theme tonight. Charlotte is Raw Women’s Champion and has Dana Brooke in her corner. Becky is Smackdown Women’s Champion but Nikki is captain. You know, because of course. Bliss gets a heck of a reaction (gee I wonder why). Actually hang on a second as there’s no Nikki. We cut to the back where she’s down after being attacked. Not to worry though, as Smackdown coach Natalya is more than willing to take the spot.

Carmella and Alicia get things going and it’s an early northern lights suplex to give Fox two. That just earns her a trip into the corner for the Staten Island Shuffle…and let’s look at Team Raw while Fox gets in a kick to the face. That felt like a hard edit to make sure we didn’t see something. Becky comes in and wants Bayley but Charlotte tags herself in instead. Banks does the same though and everything breaks down as Team Raw is about to implode. As usual, I would ask why Team Smackdown didn’t just let them. Nia will have none of this though and easily clears the ring to settle things down.

We settle down to Becky and Banks trading rollups before it’s off to Charlotte for more of the same. Becky can’t get the Disarm-Her and it’s off to Nia as things get a lot more difficult. Carmella and Bliss come in for the expected results and Naomi’s high crossbody is pulled out of the air. Natalya actually gets a reaction but Nia clotheslines her head off for her efforts. It’s off to Fox vs. Carmella with Alicia avoiding a Bronco Buster, setting up what looked to be a mostly missed ax kick for the elimination at 6:35. Bliss comes right in, sends Fox into the buckle and adds Twisted Bliss to tie it up at 6:48.

Charlotte and Naomi come in with the latter cleaning house, including knocking Nia outside and hitting a high crossbody to the floor. Nia posts her though and that’s a countout at 8:23. We pause for the Tye Dillinger TEN chant until Bliss takes Banks down and grinds her face into the mat. Banks sends Bliss and Natalya into each other, followed by the double knees in the corner to Alexa. Back up and Bliss saves Natalya from the Bank Statement, allowing Natalya to roll Banks up for the elimination at 10:20.

Charlotte comes in and gets suplexed, meaning we hit the SUPLEX CITY chants. You would think fans would know more chants than that. Charlotte goes up for the moonsault but, as always, Natalya powerbombs her down for two in the near fall that never ends Charlotte. The required Sharpshooter sends Charlotte crawling for the ropes but a big boot ends Natalya at 12:01.

Becky and Bliss get in an argument over who should come in, allowing Jax to suplex them both at the same time. Of course that gets a MAMA MIA from Mauro, which I miss hearing so often. Bliss gets caught in a slam but Becky makes a blind tag and missile dropkicks Bliss in the back to knock her onto Jax. The Disarm-Her actually makes Jax tap at 13:35 and it’s 2-2 with Becky/Bliss vs Charlotte/Bayley.

Jax mauls Becky, leaving Bliss to get big booted down for the elimination at 14:03. Becky fights back as fast as she can with the series of clotheslines into the leg lariat, followed by Bexplex. Bayley has to dive in for a save after a top rope legdrop before coming in for the slugout. Another Bexplex gets two but Bayley’s elbow to the back gets the same. You can tell Becky is getting tired out there so Bayley blocks the Disarm-Her and grabs the Bayley to Belly for the final pin at 17:53.

Rating: C+. The quick eliminations didn’t help things here but the ending was the right call. There was way too much talent on the Raw side to lose and I’m VERY glad it was Natalya, who can wrestle this style without having to dumb things down too much. Becky was pretty much all the blue team had for a lot of the match and she put up a valiant effort, only to be outgunned. That makes her look strong and Bayley getting a win like this is a good thing for her at this stage in her main roster career.

Charlotte takes Bayley out post match and beats her around ringside.

Smackdown mascot James Ellsworth runs into Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows, who weren’t funny in 2016 either. They make some bad chin puns but Raw GM Mick Foley comes in to run them off. Ellsworth talks about all the great memories he has of Foley, most of which involve him being in extreme pain. Foley thanks him anyway and suggests Ellsworth move to Raw. He appreciates the offer but politely turns it down because he’s true blue. Foley leaves and Ellsworth runs into Braun Strowman, who asks if he knows Ellsworth. James runs in a smart move.

Intercontinental Title: Miz vs. Sami Zayn

Miz is defending and Sami is trying to take the title to Raw. We get the Big Match Intros and Sami gets quite the reaction for being Canadian. Sami spins out of a wristlock to start and Miz looks annoyed in the corner. Miz gets sent outside but Sami has to bail out of the flip dive. The moonsault off the barricade works though, drawing over Maryse for a distraction. Well she can be quite distracting.

This one works well with Miz taking out the knee to get his first advantage. Some hard stomps to the knees have Sami in trouble but he’s still able to clothesline Miz to the floor. A flip dive works as well, followed by a Michinoku Driver for two. Miz’s short DDT gets the same and it’s time for a double breather. The running corner dropkick/clothesline look to set up the ax handle but Sami reverses into the Blue Thunder Bomb.

The Helluva Kick only hits corner though and that means the Figure Four. This one stays on for a good while until Sami makes the ropes, earning himself some YES Kicks. Sami reverses one into a Figure Four of his own but Maryse rings the bell. Since Sami isn’t all that bright, he of course falls for it, only to have Miz roll him up to retain at 14:06.

Rating: C-. Kind of a dull match as you knew a lot of Sami’s near falls weren’t going anywhere. I can go for Miz and Maryse teaming up to steal wins though and it’s a big reason why he’s been an awesome Intercontinental Champion. This would also help play into Sami’s heel turn nearly a year later as he would get tired of losing while playing by the rules. Makes sense, especially in a long term form.

Dean Ambrose and AJ Styles are bickering over being teammates tonight when Shane McMahon comes in and tells them to cool it so Smackdown doesn’t lose again.

Raw Tag Teams vs. Smackdown Tag Teams

Raw: Enzo Amore/Big Cass, Cesaro/Sheamus, Gallows and Anderson, New Day, Shining Stars

Smackdown: American Alpha, Breezango, Heath Slater/Rhyno, Hype Bros, Usos

A fall eliminates both members of a team. Enzo and Cass suck up to the live crowd, as you might expect. New Day and Slater/Rhyno are the respective champions. Fandango tries to give everyone a fashion ticket to start, earning himself a Midnight Hour for the elimination at 44 seconds. New Day spends too much time celebrating though and it’s a superkick from Jimmy to pin Big E. at 1:08.

Gallows comes in to punch Jimmy in the face before handing it off to Cass for the tall power. The fast tags continue as it’s off to Epico vs. Ryder (who is rocking some old school Survivor Series logo trunks) with Mojo coming in for a clap around the ears. Rawley gets taken down into the corner for the huge group beating though as we keep trying to get everyone in. It’s back to Ryder (not Slater like the fans want) but Gallows saves Anderson from the Broski Boot. Instead it’s the Magic Killer to pin Ryder at 5:08.

Gable comes in as Graves talks about how scared he is of American Alpha. It doesn’t seem to be the most valid fear to start though as Epico takes Gable down into a chinlock. Some rolling suplexes have Gable in more trouble and Primo comes in with a springboard ax handle to the ribs. He misses a charge in the corner though and it’s off to Jordan for a quick Steiner Bulldog to get rid of the Stars at 8:08.

The six remaining teams (Enzo/Big Cass, Cesaro/Sheamus, Gallows and Anderson vs. American Alpha, Heath Slater/Rhyno, Usos) come in at once as everything breaks down. That means Enzo gets tossed over the top onto a big pile….which was mainly Raw guys but whatever. Rhyno gets thrown over the top as well, only to have Slater add an even bigger dive. Back in and Cesaro swings Jordan but Gable makes the save with a Rolling Chaos Theory.

Gable isn’t done though as Jordan throws him over the top for a HUGE flip dive onto everyone. Sweet goodness those two were awesome together. I mean, not as awesome as Jordan on his own with Kurt Angle kind of around but still. Back in and it’s a quick Magic Killer to get rid of Jordan at 10:39 as the eliminations are still flying. A spinebuster plants Slater and he’s caught in the wrong corner.

Sheamus won’t tag Cesaro (this was before their ridiculous matching outfits) and an argument breaks out, allowing the hot tag off to Rhyno as everyone bickers. Rhyno comes in and Gores Gallows for an elimination at 12:28. Cass wastes no time with a big boot to Rhyno, followed by the Bada Boom Shaka Lacka for the pin at 12:45.

That leaves us with the Usos….who superkick Enzo down to set up the Superfly Splash and an elimination at 13:26 before I can type the Raw teams. So now we’re down to the Usos vs. Cesaro/Sheamus with the latter hitting the ten forearms (you know the chant) on Jimmy. Cesaro comes in and eats a double superkick but Sheamus Brogue kicks Jimmy with Jey making a diving save.

Super White Noise plants Jimmy again but Jey is right back with a Superfly Splash for two with Cesaro making a save of his own. The hot tag brings in Cesaro for the Uppercut Train and a 619 as the fans lose their minds over Cesaro again. A high crossbody gets two on Jey and it’s time for the Swing. Jimmy breaks up the Sharpshooter and Jey gets the Tequila Sunrise. That’s reversed right back into the Sharpshooter with Sheamus remembering he’s in the match to cut off Jimmy, leaving Jey to tap at 18:55.

Rating: B. This was during the time that I couldn’t stand Sheamus and Cesaro (not a lot has changed in a year) but they did a lot of stuff in this match, despite the crunched timeline. Getting nine eliminations in less than nineteen minutes is a lot but you have to clear the ring out at the beginning. It’s entertaining, but hits a hard ceiling that it’s not getting past.

Stephanie and Foley decide that Sheamus and Cesaro should get a Tag Team Title shot tomorrow night. They recap the rest of the show with Stephanie getting way too serious, as usual.

Preview for TLC with Dean Ambrose vs. AJ Styles in a TLC match for the title.

Cruiserweight Champion Brian Kendrick does his best Sean O’Haire impression and is ready for Kalisto. If Kalisto wins, he brings the division to Smackdown. It’s fine for a one off match but it was really hard to buy Kendrick as the best cruiserweight in the company in 2016.

Cruiserweight Title: Kalisto vs. Brian Kendrick

Kendrick is defending and charges straight into a knee to the face. Kalisto is right back with a suicide dive, followed by a springboard corkscrew crossbody for two. Some rollups give Kalisto more near falls and a shotgun dropkick has Kendrick in even more trouble. A rollup into the corner finally gives Kendrick a breather and he crushes Kalisto between the steps and the apron for good measure.

Back in and we hit the cravate to slow things back down. Kalisto manages to fight up and get to the apron where he grabs a C4 out to the floor in the big crash of the match. A good looking suicide dive takes Kendrick down again but he reverses a super Salida Del Sol into the Captain’s Hook. Kalisto finally grabs the ropes and fires off some kicks, followed by the hurricanrana driver. The Salida Del Sol gets two with Kendrick getting to the ropes. Kalisto heads up top….and here’s Baron Corbin for the DQ at 12:21.

Rating: C-. The match was good at times but Kendrick really isn’t the kind of guy you want as a long term champion. It also didn’t help that you knew they weren’t changing up the cruiserweight division so close to 205 Live’s launch. Corbin interfering was fine enough, but it really does make the title match feel like a big waste of time.

The Kickoff Show panel recaps the show so far.

Daniel Bryan yells at Corbin, who doesn’t want little pests running around on Smackdown.

We recap the men’s Survivor Series match, which started in July at the second Brand Split. Naturally this is about the McMahons as Shane and Stephanie are the Commissioners and therefore they have to be fighting. We look at all the entrants as this is treated like the major match is should be treated as. Then Shane is added to the match and that notion kind of falls apart.

Raw Men’s Team vs. Smackdown Men’s Team

Raw: Braun Strowman, Chris Jericho, Kevin Owens, Roman Reigns

Seth Rollins

Smackdown: AJ Styles, Bray Wyatt, Dean Ambrose, Randy Orton, Shane McMahon

AJ and Owens are the World Champions, Reigns is US Champion and Ellsworth is here as the mascot. This is also during the period where Orton is part of the Wyatt Family because we needed that story to get to Orton as World Champion again. Rollins gets a nice reaction and it’s far better without BURN IT DOWN or whatever the line is. AJ and Owens start things off with Styles wasting no time in hitting the drop down into the dropkick.

That’s enough of that though as it’s and they slug it out with AJ getting the better of it. The STUPID IDIOT chants mean it’s time for Jericho, who throws his shirt at AJ and hammers away. Styles dropkicks him down again as the announcers discuss Jericho insulting Undertaker on Twitter. It’s off to Ambrose vs. Rollins, which turns into far more of a wrestling match than it should.

Rollins can’t get a Pedigree so let’s go back to Jericho. Chris yells at Dean for the $15,000 jacket issue, earning himself some really bad armdrags. An enziguri cuts Dean down for two but Ambrose is right back with a bunch of right hands to the head. Shane comes in for the first time and my interest goes down. I’m still not a fan of middle aged Shane and this isn’t likely to change things.

Shane’s bad punches and an armdrag (better than Dean’s) take Jericho down until a dropkick cuts him off. The announcers debate the TV ratings as Reigns comes in and gets booed out of the building. Roman hammers him down in the corner and Seth comes in for a chinlock. That’s broken up so let’s go with Dean vs. Kevin. Owens hits a superkick but gets caught in a hurricanrana, only to have Jericho break up Dirty Deeds.

Everything breaks down and Strowman tags himself in, leaving the fans to chant for Ellsworth. The fight heads outside with Dean being left alone in the ring until Strowman catches his slingshot dive. Strowman walks him around the ring until AJ’s slingshot forearm to the floor breaks it up. Owens dives onto everyone and Strowman tosses Shane across the ring in a pretty good power display.

Some double teaming doesn’t do much to stop Strowman but they manage to knock him outside. That’s enough of Dean and Ambrose working together so they get in a fight, allowing Strowman to hit the running powerslam for the pin on Dean at 15:57. AJ was looking right at the cover and didn’t move. Shane gets to beat on Strowman for a bit but thankfully he gets hammered down as well.

The Phenomenal Forearm is pulled out of the air with AJ being tossed outside in a nasty heap. Orton gets thrown aside too but a stare from Bray stops Strowman in his tracks. Strowman grabs Jericho by the throat but decides to run Bray over instead, followed by a dropkick to put him on the floor. Braun goes outside as well but runs into an RKO onto the announcers’ table. After we pause to see what a random eight year old fan thought of it (he was applauding), Shane drops the top rope elbow to put Strowman through said table. That and Ellsworth grabbing Braun’s foot get Strowman counted out at 21:18.

Strowman catches Ellsworth running up the ramp though (How slow is this guy?) and throws him off the stage through some tables. Everyone else is mostly dead until Jericho covers Shane for two. Owens is fresh enough to drop the backsplash on Shane for two (but only after mocking the dance). There’s the Lionsault but Shane gets two of his own off a small package.

Shane takes a Codebreaker but Orton comes in before the cover, meaning Shane survives another finisher. He avoids a top rope splash though and it’s off to AJ to work on Jericho. With Owens getting in an insult to AJ’s hair (too far man), Jericho counters the Styles Clash into a failed Walls attempt. The Phenomenal Blitz rocks Jericho but Owens comes in with the List of Jericho to blast AJ. That’s a DQ at 29:23, but not before he gives AJ a Pop Up Powerbomb.

Orton gets the tag and comes in with the RKO to get rid of Jericho at 30:19. Notice Reigns blankly staring up at the ramp and not hearing the RKO RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM. So it’s down to Shane/AJ/Orton/Wyatt vs. Reigns/Rollins with Orton hammering on Rollins to start. Wyatt and Orton take turns on Seth as Shane is still laid on the apron after his long time in the ring. The superplex takes Rollins down (looks great too) but it allows the hot tag to Reigns. AJ comes in as well and MY GOODNESS the fans do not like Reigns.

House is cleaned with a series of Samoan drops, followed by a great looking Razor’s Edge powerbomb for two on AJ. Seriously that was good enough to cut off the booing. A Pele cuts off a Superman Punch and it’s back to Shane for no logical reason. Shane gets in a tornado DDT to drop Reigns and a clothesline takes Rollins down. Reigns tries a spear but gets awkwardly countered into the post.

In probably the spot of the match, Shane loads up Coast to Coast but gets speared out of the air for a SICK landing. Shane actually kicks out at two but you can see that he is completely gone. Like Lesnar after the botched shooting star gone. The referee says Shane is eliminated at 37:07, presumably due to his brains looking like a pie that has been run over by a bus driven by raccoons.

We pause for a bit as doctors get Shane out of the ring until Roman blasts Bray with a clothesline. Rollins and AJ get stereo hot tags with Seth’s Blockbuster putting Styles down. There’s the slingshot knee to AJ and a suicide dive to Wyatt. With Reigns down on the floor, let’s hit that ROMAN’S SLEEPING chant! Still one of my favorites because the fans just will not give him a break no matter what. An enziguri staggers AJ on top and now it’s WAKE UP ROMAN. Reigns does in fact wake up and saves Rollins from a hanging DDT on the floor.

With Orton down, it seems as good a time as any for a DoubleBomb. Styles makes a save before it can be loaded up but here’s Ambrose to jump Styles again. The fans call Dean a STUPID IDIOT as the former Shield beats up security. NOW the TripleBomb puts AJ through the table, allowing Rollins to get the pin at 47:00. It’s down to two on two with the Wyatts vs. the Shield (not the worst idea in the world)….and here’s Luke Harper for a distraction so the Wyatts can take over.

Reigns posts Orton but Harper superkicks him down, only to have Rollins score with a flip dive to the floor. Back in and the low superkick hits Wyatt but he dives into an RKO, giving Bray the pin at 49:25. Reigns, all alone, sends both of them outside and takes Harper out as a bonus. Back in and Orton eats a spear to save Wyatt, leaving Bray to grab Sister Abigail for the pin at 52:50.

Rating: A. This is a great example of a match that benefits from all of the time it had. What I loved about this was how long it took to take someone out. Most of the people in here were former World Champions and it doesn’t make sense to have them losing in a minute or two like in the other matches. They let the match build up for a change and that’s what makes this feel important.

Above all else though, this felt like someone surviving instead of whoever was left last. Look at the women’s match. Bayley barely looked like she had been through anything at the end. Orton and Wyatt looked banged up, which is how they should after a match like this. It’s a well put together match that got the kind of time it needed, which is exactly how something like this should be. Really strong stuff here with Bray, who actually needed it, getting the win.

We recap Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar. Goldberg was being interviewed about being in WWE2K16 and said he didn’t owe Lesnar a rematch. Lesnar challenged him though and Goldberg wanted his son to see him wrestle. The match was on and it does indeed feel like a battle of two people who could kill each other.

Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg

We get the full Goldberg entrance, complete with someone knocking on his door. Lesnar drives him into the corner to start but Goldberg shoves him right back down, scaring the heck out of Lesnar in the process. Back up and the spear connects to drop Lesnar again. There’s a second spear, followed by a Jackhammer to give Goldberg the huge upset at 1:25.

Yeah I still don’t like it. Sure it was shocking and a huge moment, but what did this set up? Goldberg eliminating Lesnar from the Rumble, Goldberg getting the most unnecessary Universal Title reign ever, and then a good sub five minute match at Wrestlemania. One of WWE’s biggest issues is giving fans something to cheer for and they give this spot to Goldberg, who they didn’t even create, for the sake of a video game (might not have been their call) and a story that could have made someone’s career. After this, Samoa Joe and Braun Strowman both fell to Lesnar, but Goldberg doesn’t. I don’t buy it, nor to I like it.

Goldberg celebrates with his family to end the show.

Overall Rating: B+. One of the major perks about a match running nearly an hour on a three and a half hour show is that it can REALLY bring an overall rating up. Throw in a good women’s match and nothing really bad, this is actually a strong show. It’s far from perfect (main event aside, though that was the only thing that could have closed the show) but it’s a heck of a card, which I can always go for of course. The main issue is they could have gotten this one under three hours so it’s a bit long but nothing too bad. Really solid show though and most of that is due to the mega long match.

Ratings Comparison

Rich Swann/Noam Dar/TJ Perkins vs. Ariya Daivari/Tony Nese/Drew Gulak

Original: C

Redo: C-

Kane vs. Luke Harper

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Women’s Survivor Series Match

Original: C

Redo: C+

Miz vs. Sami Zayn

Original: C+

Redo: C-

Tag Team Survivor Series Match

Original: D+

Redo: B

Kalisto vs. Brian Kendrick

Original: C

Redo: C-

Men’s Survivor Series Match

Original: A-

Redo: A

Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: B+

My eyebrows went up when I saw the original overall rating. The year of mellowing on the ending have helped a lot as there’s no way this is a B-. Also I really couldn’t stand Sheamus and Cesaro back then.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2016/11/20/survivor-series-2016-there-are-no-words/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

King of the Ring 1994
Date: June 19, 1994
Location: Baltimore Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Attendance: 12,000
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Randy Savage, Art Donovan

It’s tournament time and that means it’s not likely to be the most interesting show in the world. On top of that, this is one of the weaker fields they’ve ever had, which makes for a rather dull few hours. Finally, this show is infamous for the commentary, which really was a disaster and a horrible idea. Let’s get to it.

Earlier today, Jeff Jarrett came up to the official bracket board and tried to advance himself. This brought in Bam Bam Bigelow, Owen Hart and IRS to start a big argument.

Opening sequence which explains the tournament (including running down the card) and the rest of the card. They’re REALLY stretching to fill in time here.

National Anthem.

The announcers welcome us to the show with Monsoon referring to Donovan as “Art O’Donnell”. Donovan, a former NFL player in his 70s who has NO IDEA what is going on here, picks Razor Ramon to win the tournament, which seems to be the only wrestler he’s been told about.

Before we get started, here are the brackets:

Razor Ramon

Bam Bam Bigelow

IRS

Mabel

Owen Hart

Tatanka

1-2-3 Kid

Jeff Jarrett

King of the Ring Tournament First Round: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Razor Ramon

Ramon throws the toothpick at Luna Vachon and gets beaten down for his efforts. So Bigelow is just being chivalrous? Bigelow hammers him down and drops a headbutt as Art says he can’t stand to watch it. That’s one of the only things he’s said all match because, in theory, he has no idea what he’s watching here (not his fault).

Razor gets a running start and slides underneath the ropes to crotch Bigelow against the post. The middle rope bulldog gets two and it’s off to a leglock. Art realizes that Bigelow has Luna in his corner and asks about her as Bigelow misses an enziguri. A missed charge sends Razor flying over the top for a crash as the announcers talk about how tough you have to be to win one of these things. For some reason Savage doesn’t bring up the whole winning a one night tournament to win the WWF World Title at Wrestlemania IV, which they would never let him get away with today.

Bigelow kicks him in the face for two and Donovan is impressed. Well Bigelow has certainly made it then. Some headbutts to the back have Ramon in trouble and it’s off to a torture rack of all things. The hold stays on for a good while and Art thinks Razor is dead. Bigelow finally flips him down and gets caught in a belly to back suplex to put both guys down. Art: “What happens now?” Bigelow is too big for the Razor’s Edge so he slams Razor and loads up the moonsault. Razor is right back up though and kind of powerbombs Bigelow off the top into a rollup to advance.

Rating: C-. Pretty slow and plodding here but there’s only so much Razor can do with someone Bigelow’s size. It helps that Bigelow is able to move around far better than most giants and it made for a watchable power match. Putting Razor, probably the most popular guy in the tournament, through to the second round, was pretty much mandatory here.

We go to Todd Pettengill at the big board where IRS gives one of the most awkward interviews ever about beating Mabel and then wanting to face Tatanka in the finals. Mabel says he’ll never have his shoulders pinned to the mat. Mo agrees and is lucky that no one punches him out.

King of the Ring Tournament First Round: IRS vs. Mabel

Art as IRS comes out: “Randy, is this one of the wrestlers?” Then he doesn’t know Mabel’s name, which thankfully is ignored by the other announcers. I get that the guy doesn’t know any better but he’s already getting annoying. IRS tries to jump him from behind and gets sent into the corner over and over for his efforts.

Art wants to leave because of the danger of IRS having to fight someone twice his size and you can tell Gorilla and Randy are already sick of him. A Samoan drop sets up a big elbow as Art wants to know who the guy in the white suit (Mabel’s manager Oscar) is. Mabel misses a charge and gets kneed out to the floor. Back in and IRS hits a good looking jumping clothesline, which Savage says might be the best one in the history of the company. That’s a Michael Cole style line as commentary is just all over the place tonight.

In the HUH spot of the match, IRS tries a slam and gets small packaged for what looked like three, though the referee stops counting at two because I don’t think IRS could kick out. We hit the chinlock with Art thinking Mabel is wealthy because he has gold in his mouth. Mabel fights up and hits a backdrop followed by a bad looking Boss Man Slam. What looks like a middle rope splash is broken up though and IRS grabs a rollup (and a rope, which makes Mabel look like he’s on fire) for the pin.

Rating: D. I’ve actually seen worse as they just let IRS do his basic yet well done stuff while Mabel just looked imposing. The ending was the only real way to have Mabel get pinned and it didn’t even feel forced. We’ll call this a pleasant surprise, despite it still being a pretty weak match.

Jim Cornette and Mr. Fuji are ready to have Crush and Yokozuna win the Tag Team Titles.

King of the Ring Tournament First Round: Tatanka vs. Owen Hart

Oh you can imagine how Art is going to handle someone like Tatanka. With Art annoyingly asking how much Owen weighs (WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE???), Tatanka jumps him to start in a rather heelish move. The announcers basically make it clear that Owen is the favorite, more or less guaranteeing an Owen vs. Razor final (not that that’s a bad thing). Tatanka gets two off a suplex and Art asks how much he weighs.

Monsoon just starts talking over Donovan as Owen works on a headlock. Tatanka gets sent over the top but lands on his feet to drag Owen outside for a chop off. Owen posts him and we cut to the back where Razor and IRS are in a fight. That goes nowhere so Owen hits the running crotch attack to the back of the head that needs a better name than the running crotch attack to the back of the head.

A missile dropkick gives Owen two and we hit the chinlock. Monsoon is now flat out ignoring Art’s questions, which is probably the best possible option. Back up and Tatanka hits the war path, including a DDT for a close two. Another near fall off a powerslam annoys Tatanka and Owen sits down on a sunset flip for the pin to advance.

Rating: C. The match was perfectly fine but sweet goodness Art is getting old. There’s just nothing there from him and it takes a lot to really get on Monsoon’s nerves. As mentioned though, Owen winning is the most obvious result in the world for this show and there’s nothing wrong with that, especially when the first match was certainly watchable.

Shawn and Diesel liked hurting Bret and promise another Jackknife tonight. They’re not worried about any family member being in Bret’s corner either.

King of the Ring Tournament First Round: 1-2-3 Kid vs. Jeff Jarrett

Donovan thinks the Kid looks like a boxer. I don’t know many boxers with 1-2-3 on their singlet, or one with a singlet on in general for that matter. Jarrett starts fast and whips Kid hard into the corner and let’s keep hitting that NEW GENERATION catchphrase, which actually officially started tonight. So this is where the blame got started.

They trade clotheslines as Donovan thinks Kid has no chance here. Kid misses a Swanton but Jeff crotches himself (Donovan finds it HILARIOUS), setting up a high crossbody for two. The Bronco Buster misses and Jeff, who Art calls “a cutie” tries the Figure Four but gets small packaged for the pin.

Rating: B-. This is the kind of match where Jarrett excelled: fast paced, doing his basics and letting someone else do the hard work. Jarrett gets a bad reputation for not being the best character (he wasn’t) or not having the best matches (he didn’t), but he was going to give you a perfectly acceptable match, which is more important than a lot of things.

Post match Jeff snaps and piledrives Kid three times in a row.

The final four:

IRS

Razor Ramon

Owen Hart

1-2-3 Kid

New Generation ad, focusing on old vs. new, including Hogan listed as old of course.

Bret is ready for Diesel, no matter how devastating the Jackknife is. He won’t stand for injustice though and has a surprise to deal with Shawn.

WWF World Title: Bret Hart vs. Diesel

Diesel is challenging but his Intercontinental Title isn’t on the line. For the sake of clarity, I’ll only refer to Bret as champ. Diesel’s pyro from the ceiling only goes down a few feet instead of nearly halfway down to the ring as usual. Maybe they just didn’t have the formula down yet. Bret’s surprise is…..Jim Neidhart, who hasn’t been around in a few years. Savage makes the mistake of mentioning that Neidhart played football, prompting Art to NEED to know if Diesel was a football player too.

Diesel elbows him in the face to start and easily wins a slugout. That’s pretty out of character as Bret isn’t going to start slugging away until things are a lot more even. He’s smart enough to avoid a charge though and it’s time for the headbutt to the abdomen. A thumb to the eye cuts Bret off, which Art says isn’t kosher. Diesel misses another charge though and that’s your story for the match: Bret can’t match him for size and power but he’s smart enough to avoid Diesel’s reckless offense.

It’s already time to go after the knee, including the Figure Four. Diesel kicks him away so we hit the spinning toehold as the match flashes back to days when Donovan was just ancient and not….well Art Donovan. Bret wraps the leg around the post (Savage: “Go ahead and do it. I won’t look!”) but Shawn clotheslines him down, sending Neidhart into the chase.

Back in and Diesel grabs a bearhug but Bret bites his way to freedom, only to miss a dive to the floor. Donovan wants to know how these guys get out of bed in the morning (I’d assume they stand up) and Monsoon cuts him off with a level of rudeness you’ll never hear from him again. We hit the backbreaker with Bret being bent over the knee for a bit before hitting the running crotch attack to the back.

Another backbreaker gets another two as Diesel doesn’t exactly have his full offensive skill set yet. I mean, he only had about six or seven moves at his peak so you can imagine how bad things are here. Diesel grabs an over the shoulder backbreaker as Shawn tries to take off a turnbuckle pad. Bret slips out and starts trying a sleeper, only to be shoved into the referee.

NOW the buckle pad comes off but, of course, Diesel eats the steel instead. Bret slugs away (makes sense now, which is often the case with him) and gets two off a clothesline. That means the Five Moves of Doom but Shawn’s distraction breaks up the Sharpshooter. Bret tries to slug away a bit more and walks right into the big boot.

Diesel stands over him and gives the Jackknife sign but Bret rolls into a Boston crab (with the legs crossed but Bret’s legs are spread instead of intertwined). Of course it doesn’t last long as Diesel goes outside, allowing Shawn to hit Bret with the belt. There’s the Jackknife but Neidhart comes in for the DQ.

Rating: B. I actually like that finish as it keeps Diesel looking strong, meaning he wasn’t taking a pin while still Intercontinental Champion. Bret was carrying Diesel here and that’s exactly why they were put together. Diesel was VERY weak in the ring at this point but he could do a few things well, which Bret was more than capable of working with to make a good match. These two always had great chemistry together and that’s all you need a lot of the time.

It was all Diesel needed too, as this was the match that made Vince decide to push him to the moon, including making him champion in about five months. The problem was he didn’t have much beyond looking cool, a good finisher and a strong Royal Rumble performance. DOES ANY OF THIS SOUND FAMILIAR TO ANYONE TODAY???

Neidhart leaves for some reason (Dun dun dun?), allowing Diesel and Shawn to lay Bret out.

Lawler insults Donovan a bit and says he’s the true king and that’s the bottom line. He loves the idea of beating Piper so the kids in Toronto (who Piper had promised some of his winnings to) get NOTHING. Now that’s as heelish as you can get: “I want to beat you so poor sick kids are left out in the cold!” And people wonder why Lawler is considered one of the best of all time.

King of the Ring Tournament Semifinals: Razor Ramon vs. IRS

Razor jumps him in the aisle as Monsoon thankfully reminds us that these two fought at the Royal Rumble. IRS gets in a few shots but Razor takes him outside and sends him into the steps to really stagger him. A kick to the knee slows Razor down though and we hit the chinlock. Razor fights up without too much effort (because it was a kick to the knee and a chinlock), only to get caught with the running clothesline. Not that it matters as Razor hits a quick Razor’s Edge for the pin.

Rating: D. I wonder if Razor was injured here. There was barely any offense from Ramon until the very end and he spent a good chunk of a five minute match in a chinlock. Injury or not though, you have to put Ramon against Owen in the final, just for the sake of ANY star power/a threat to Owen in the last match.

Bret is looking for Neidhart.

There’s no update on the 1-2-3 Kid’s status after the attack.

King of the Ring Semifinals: Owen Hart vs. 1-2-3 Kid

This one is kind of famous. Kid is fine enough to get in the ring, making the previous backstage segment rather worthless. Owen baseball slides him through the ropes and hits an even harder suicide dive to start things off. A top rope splash is good for two on the Kid but he sends Owen chest first into the corner, setting up a twisting high crossbody for two of his own. Kid gets the same off a crucifix as we’re not even a minute into this yet.

Some spinning kicks drop Owen again but the enziguri gets him out of trouble. Kid gets two more off a northern lights suplex with Owen going to the ropes for the break. Owen bails so it’s a BIG flip dive over the top and Savage announces his retirement from this level of action. Back in and a German suplex gives Owen two, followed by a snap overhead belly to belly for the same. A victory roll gives Kid another near fall but his hurricanrana is countered into a powerbomb, setting up the Sharpshooter to send Owen to the finals.

Rating: A-. That’s the best under five (four actually) minute match I’ve ever seen as they beat the heck out of each other and packed in about fifteen minutes of stuff into just over three and a half. Kid saves face because he came in injured so it’s even well booked on top of being entertaining. Check this out and see what these two could do when they were trying to show off.

Roddy Piper cuts a promo about taking his pants off, not remembering what town he’s in, loving Hershey bars, spaghetti with mosquito bites, various movies he’s been in, eating flies, not trusting people with no necks, “King Toady”, Don King, King the Dog and there being no such thing as a king. Piper is known for his crazy interviews and this was one of the weirdest I’ve ever seen from him. That includes the time he took over Alcatraz or the time he rambled about Hulk Hogan and hopped away for no apparent reason.

Tag Team Titles: Yokozuna/Crush vs. Headshrinkers

The Headshrinkers are defending of course. For once, Art asks the right question when he wants to know Yokozuna’s weight. He also brings up a good point: why are there eight people out here (Mr. Fuji/Jim Cornette/Lou Albano/Afa are all out as well) for a two on two match? The staredown (kind of a family reunion save for Crush) leads to a big brawl until the Headshrinkers start fighting each other for no apparent reason.

Yokozuna gets headbutted to the floor and we settle down to Yokozuna vs. Samu to start. A spinning kick to the face and a dropkick stagger Yokozuna and knock him outside again. It’s off to Crush vs. Fatu, who will have none of this faceplant nonsense. A piledriver plants Crush and a middle rope headbutt gets two. Fuji gets in a cheap shot from the floor and Crush grabs a piledriver of his own to really take over. It’s off to Yokozuna for the big fat leg but he misses a charge in the corner.

Samu comes in for a powerslam (I’ll let you guess to whom) and everything breaks down. A double superkick knocks Yokozuna outside for the third time (not a good sign less than eight minutes in) but he’s still able to crotch Samu on top. More managerial interference brings out Lex Luger (oh yeah he’s still around) to stare at Crush, allowing Samu to get in a superkick to retain.

Rating: D+. This was a decent power brawl but it was clearly just there to offer some extra flavor to go with the tournament. The Headshrinkers are one of my favorite teams from this era (or the 90s in general actually) and they were beating the heck out of Yokozuna here. That would be part of the huge downfall for Yokozuna, who went from beating Hogan the previous year to this in twelve months. It’s the problem with being a monster and someone whose gut probably has its own zip code.

Crush beats on Luger until the Headshrinkers make the save.

Owen promises to win and wishes his dad a Happy Father’s Day.

King of the Ring: Razor Ramon vs. Owen Hart

Razor punches him down and stares at him because they’re filling time despite the match not likely having much of it to work with in the first place. They do an awkward slam spot and Owen slaps him in the face to earn himself a catapult into the corner. A slow motion bridge into a backslide gives Razor two and Art changes his pick to Owen. The spinwheel kick drops Razor, who Art cheers for three seconds after changing his pick.

We hit an abdominal stretch to stay on the ribs but Razor hiptosses out and grabs a chokeslam for two. The belly to back superplex looks to set up the Edge but Razor gets backdropped to the floor. Here’s Neidhart to check on Razor and then deck him, setting up Owen’s top rope elbow for the pin and the crown.

Rating: C-. Obvious ending and unnecessary interference aside, this was the only way they could have done. Owen was still hot from beating Bret at Wrestlemania and needed a major win without changing the Intercontinental Title from one heel to another. Giving him the crown was as good of an option as they had and it made him look like a real threat in his big title shot against Bret.

Owen and Neidhart beat Razor down with a Hart Attack and CANADIAN (and American) stomping. Bret doesn’t save for no apparent reason.

We go to Bret in the back and he has no comment. Is there ANY reason why he didn’t come out here? I guess he’s supposed to be shocked but that doesn’t quite endear him to Razor. Not that he needed to do so but it would have made sense given how much he wanted to go after Neidhart.

Donovan asks Monsoon and Savage if they acted like that when they wrestled. Monsoon COMPLETELY ignores him and asks Randy about Neidhart’s sanity.

It’s already coronation time with Neidhart standing at Owen’s side. Owen brags and dubs himself the King of Harts, an awesome nickname.

Long recap of Piper vs. Lawler, which is mostly just them doing the exact insults you would expect from both of them. Like I mentioned, there’s also a children’s hospital shoehorned in here for the sake of some emotion.

Roddy Piper vs. Jerry Lawler

Lawler being a king confuses Donovan even more. Before Piper comes out, Lawler does his usual crowd insults and again promises to keep all the winnings. As is his custom for a big match, Piper is played to the ring by a pipe and drum corps. In the first pay per view main event ever between two wrestles over forty years old, Monsoon has the gorilla testicles to call this a NEW GENERATION match.

Piper even comes out with the imitator from Raw, who was rather insulting to him during the King’s Court. Apparently Piper has forgiven him….and I guess we’re supposed to be impressed. Uh, right. The kid (who is about seventeen at the youngest) does some Piper jokes (to be fair he does a great impression) and we’re FINALLY ready to go. Piper hammers away to start and Monsoon dubs it vintage. In the NEW Generation.

The kilt is thrown over Lawler’s head and Piper bites in the corner as I don’t expect much in the way of wrestling here. A big right hand sends Lawler bailing to the floor and the kid gets in a poke to the eye. Back in and Piper slugs away before telling Lawler to bring it. Piper starts going to the hamstring (psychology you see) and an atomic drop sends Lawler outside again.

Lawler’s hand is sent into the post as there’s nothing resembling wrestling anywhere in this match. The kid gets dragged inside and instead of BEATING LAWLER UP, Piper shoves the kid back to the floor. A bunch of punches set up….even more punches and we hit the sleeper on Piper. Monsoon says that’s a patented hold, even though I don’t think I ever remember seeing Lawler using one.

The piledriver (to NO reaction, just like most of this match) gets two (no reaction again) as Savage is trying everything he can to make this interesting. Piper spits at him and slugs back, followed by a pair of bulldogs. The ref gets bumped (you knew this wasn’t ending clean) and it’s a foreign object to knock Piper out. Lawler gets two with the kid making the save, allowing Piper to grab a belly to back suplex for the pin.

Rating: OG. For Old Generation. This was straight out of the nightmares of Memphis in front of a bored crowd who wanted to go home after a not great night. I get the idea here but this needed to go on about second, as there was no way these dinosaurs were going to be able to produce anything worthwhile. It just wasn’t a story that people were going to care about and there was no way around that. Terrible main event, and perhaps the worst in company history.

Piper celebrates with the kid…..and we go to Shawn telling Diesel that he’ll get the title soon enough to end the show. I guess the main event was so bad that it screwed up the show format. You know, even worse than it already did.

Overall Rating: D+. Art Donovan issues and main event aside, there’s enough good stuff going on here to help carry it over the line. The problem here is the lack of interest from the backstage forces, mainly due to trying to keep Vince out of jail and all that good stuff. There’s enough good wrestling to keep the show from flatlining but you’re much better off watching those individual matches rather than the full two hour and forty five minutes, which crawl by on more than one occasion.

The interesting thing here is how fast the show got through its ten matches though. Outside of Bret vs. Diesel, nothing breaks thirteen minutes with none of the tournament matches even getting nine minutes. To be fair though, it’s not like there was a reason to stretch out a predictable tournament and the World Title match more than makes up for it. Not as bad as remembered, but still not great or even good for the most part.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: January 20, 2003
Location: Dunkin’ Donuts Center, Providence, Rhode Island
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re past the Royal Rumble and, somehow, the big story still seems to be HHH vs. Scott Steiner for reasons of general torture. After Steiner showed why he shouldn’t be allowed to wrestle a watermelon farmer in front of a pair of chickens named Dolores and Walter, it’s pretty clear that he’s getting a rematch next month at No Way Out. Let’s get to it.

We open with the Martin Luther King Jr. Day video. Vince always gets this one in and maybe we can have a D’Lo Brown match to celebrate.

The opening recap looks at Vince McMahon telling Eric Bischoff that he has thirty days to turn the show around or he’ll be replaced by Shane McMahon.

Opening sequence.

Here are HHH and Ric Flair to open things up. The announcers immediately start talking about how awesome last night’s match was, likely with Vince screaming in their ears the whole time. JR even mentions the most terrifying word in the world: REMATCH. I mean, I thought/hoped I was imagining it when he said HHH had “no way out” last night but I probably need to see my therapist more. Granted when the match put me in therapy in the first place (Which CAN NOT be blamed on Steiner of course. That would just be lunacy.), it kind of defeats the purpose.

HHH talks about how physical the match was last night but at the end, Steiner had to use a sledgehammer to save himself. As they say in the movies, “there ain’t gonna be no rematch.” Apollo didn’t say “there” you nitwit. Get your Rocky quotes straight. Cue Steiner to say he wants his rematch tonight, despite taped ribs. Are those from carrying HHH last night? I mean, that WHOLE THING was HHH’s fault and nothing can be blamed on anyone else so we’ll go with that theory.

HHH has a note from his doctor (An apology for the match perhaps?) and can’t wrestle tonight so Flair says Batista can do it instead. As I desperately scramble to find that therapist’s number, Batista comes out for a distraction so HHH can jump Steiner to little avail. Scott cleans house, despite a minor misstep where they looked to be on the wrong page (HHH’S FAULT!!! HHH’S FAULT!!!).

Rob Van Dam vs. Jeff Hardy

Imagine the pre-match prep talk. I feel string would be discussed in thorough detail. Jeff starts with a jawbreaker and a running dropkick puts Rob on the floor. The barricade run doesn’t work as Rob kicks the leg out, followed by more kicks back inside. The announcers start talking about Chris Jericho in the Rumble for no apparent reason as Jeff gets two off the Whisper in the Wind. Van Dam grabs a Regal Roll and hits a middle rope moonsault, only to miss the Five Star. A Codebreaker of all things sets up the Swanton for two, followed by Rob grabbing a backslide for the pin.

Rating: C. The match had the noticeable slips that you would expect from these two but it worked well enough with Jeff not being able to win even with his best move. If nothing else it was cool to see what would become a famous move later on used as something basic here. It’s not like Jericho invented it but it’s still weird to see so long ago.

Post match Jeff snaps and grabs a chair but throws it down before the swing.

Christian and Christopher Nowinski offer Bischoff good luck with his remaining twenty one days to turn Raw around. I know WWE doesn’t think much of its fans, but I think they know that thirty minus seven isn’t twenty one. This always made me shake my head back in the day and I still don’t get it now. If they just had to set it up to end on Raw, just set it up as four weeks from tonight instead of thirty days, which made the whole thing confusing. Anyway, there’s going to be a bombshell announcement later tonight.

Steiner runs into Randy Orton, who talks about Steiner wanting to be World Champion. Steiner, ever the crazy man, attacks Orton, which threatens his 95% healed shoulder. Dude DON’T MESS WITH HIS MATH SKILLS! Some threats leave Orton shaken.

Chief Morely has Nick Patrick watch the ending to the Tag Team Title match. Patrick admits his mistake but Morely wants a public apology. As opposed to one on national television.

Here are Morely and Patrick for said apology. Patrick gladly does so, but Morely wants the decision reversed. In one of the most laugh inducing lines ever in WWE, Patrick says it’s company policy that all referee decisions are final. That’s bad even by WWE standards. Morely calls out the Dudley Boyz, who point out that Morely brought the knuckles into the ring in the first place. Morely demands the titles be handed over but Bubba won’t give them to a washed up ex-adult star. It’s almost table time but William Regal and Lance Storm run in for the save. Bubba gets flapjacked through the table and Morely says let’s have a title defense.

Tag Team Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. Lance Storm/William Regal

Storm and Regal are challenging and win the titles in less than fifteen seconds.

To clarify, Booker T. and Goldust can’t keep the titles for a month but we can do two title changes in twenty four hours. There’s no real reason to have Booker and Goldust lose the belts in the first place when you could have had them defend against Storm and Regal at the Rumble and then do this same angle tonight. Why do that though when you can get two more reigns out of it though, thereby making the titles seem even weaker than they already are?

Trish Stratus/Hurricane vs. Steven Richards/Victoria

The genders have to match. Hurricane armdrags Richards down to start but Victoria tags herself in and slaps Hurricane in the mask. The threat of a chokeslam brings Richards back in as the rules are thrown out less than a minute and a half in. Trish comes in and they botch what I think was going to be an electric chair but turned into Trish sitting on the back of Victoria’s head. Victoria misses the slingshot legdrop and it’s off to Hurricane but the referee didn’t see the tag. Trish almost takes the StevieDT but Hurricane makes a save. Stratusfaction ends Victoria, likely setting up another title match. This was a mess.

Bischoff talks to Vince’s secretary and again promises a big surprise so Vince should turn the show on. WWE just admitted that the boss, the owner of the company, and the most important man in the wrestling world ISN’T WATCHING HIS FLAGSHIP SHOW. That sums up so many problems in one line. Bischoff throws a dart at a picture of Shane McMahon on a dartboard to really emphasize the idea.

Same Sean O’Haire video from last night.

Here’s Bischoff for his big announcement. We see a clip of Steve Austin being named Raw Superstar of the Decade but not being invited to the ceremony. Bischoff says Austin wasn’t there because he walked out on Vince McMahon. We’ve heard Vince and JR’s sides of the story so maybe we should hear from Austin. Eric is going to give him the chance to tell his side…..IN RAW MAGAZINE!

That’s not the big announcement though (thank goodness). Instead, Bischoff is inviting Austin to return at No Way Out. How does that change Raw though? As in Bischoff’s whole assignment. Eh I’m sure it makes sense in WWE’s mind, which is all that matters. It’s not like the fans can make sense of all these brilliant ideas (Want to know what happened? GO BUY THE MAGAZINE!) so take what you can get. Oh and the pay per view is further than 21 days away. In theory he could be safe if he signs Austin back before then, but just say “you have until No Way Out” and this isn’t an issue.

3 Minute Warning vs. Goldust/Booker T.

JR calls them 3 Count and, while discussing Test vs. Chris Jericho (which is being treated as a major match for some reason), says Jericho eliminated Shawn Michers last night. Goldust and Jamal get things going but it’s off to Booker before anything goes anywhere. A very hard clothesline turns Booker inside out and all hope is lost.

Back up and Booker superkicks his way back into hope as the match is being ignored for the sake of talking about Austin (fair enough at this point and it’s not like Booker and Goldust seem to be going anywhere anytime soon). Jamal breaks up Shattered Dreams and runs Goldust over to hit the neck crank.

Back up and Jamal misses a charge into the corner so Booker can come in to clean house. A double DDT drops the Samoans and it’s time for the Spinarooni (With a crowd reaction shot. As in one. On the whole show. Not seventeen per match.) but Jamal superkicks Booker down. Jamal misses a top rope splash (his toes might have grazed Booker if he had “connected”) and the ax kick puts him away.

Rating: D+. This could have been a lot worse but they’re not even trying to hide the fact that Booker T. and Goldust are done with the title picture. I have no idea why the company felt the need to immediately move to the Dudleys, who have done this time after time before. It’s not like the upcoming HHH vs. Booker feud needed to be started this early so why not get a little more mileage out of the team?

Video on Chris Jericho’s Royal Rumble performance until Shawn Michaels ran back in, allowing Test to eliminate him.

Chris Jericho vs. Test

Jericho, with a heck of a knot on his head from a Tommy Dreamer cane shot, complains about having his dream stolen. Test sends him over the top for some cat skinning, only to follow up with a gorilla press drop. Jericho grabs a belly to back suplex and we hit the chinlock. Stacy plays cheerleader (playing to her natural skills) and gets Test to his feet for a side slam. The big boot misses so Test backdrops him to the floor. Test gets posted and Jericho grabs a chair, which he uses to hit the post, which Stacy was standing behind. Naturally this is equal to shooting Stacy dead and the match is thrown out.

Rating: D. Most of that is due to the horrible ending, which we’ll get to in a minute. The rest of the match was Test doing his really standard power offense and still having no reason to care about him because his big thing is a great looking manager who does lame jokes. This really isn’t interesting and that’s not the biggest surprise in the world.

Stacy gets taken out on a stretcher while Test shows off his acting skills. She didn’t get hit in the head and Jericho didn’t hit her. Unfortunately this is going to lead to the Owen Hart voices because this story needs to be all serious instead of something rather bad looking. I get what they’re going for, but it’s kind of hard to get interested in a story where someone hit a post and damaged the woman who does the Testicles jokes.

Al Snow plugs the Tough Enough finale.

Stacy is still being taken out. They show the worst replay imaginable, which shows the chair hitting the post, which Stacy’s HANDS are touching with her head at least six inches away.

Flair gives Batista a pep talk.

Tommy Dreamer vs. D’Lo Brown

Singapore Cane match. Before the match, Brown brings out Teddy Long to say that D’Lo isn’t going to be one of Dr. King’s followers because a lack of aggression never got him anywhere. Last night, Brown was held out of the Royal Rumble and tonight THE MAN has him in this violent match. Starting tonight, the WWE has to be down with the Brown. D’Lo: “Free at last, free at last, free to cane a white boy’s a**!”

Dreamer immediately starts caning away but hits the post by mistake. Brown was a few feet away but there’s no stretcher brought out. I smell racism. D’Lo canes him a few times, then Dreamer canes him a few times. Tommy hits D’Lo’s head shaking legdrop and a DDT, only to dive into a cane to the ribs. The Sky High (the Low Down according to the way off JR) gives D’Lo the pin.

Rating: F. This was as good as a suddenly racist D’Lo Brown and Tommy Dreamer caning each other for three and a half minutes was going to be. Long is a big improvement for the angle but there’s only so much he can do with something this stupid. There was no reason for this to be a cane match but at least Brown won.

Batista vs. Scott Steiner

It’s a power match to start (I’m as shocked as you are) with Steiner winning a battle of shoulders. Scott hammers away in the corner and actually uses a belly to belly. I’d have bet on that one being banned. It’s so offensive that Randy Orton runs in for the DQ.

Steiner beats up Flair but Batista breaks up the Recliner. HHH comes in as well and beats Scott down (JR: “WHAT ABOUT THE NOTE FROM THE DOCTOR???”) with the help of his new buddies. Steiner is busted open and Pedigreed, drawing a face pop. The new team (no name yet) poses to end the show.

Overall Rating: F+. This was horrible and it’s getting clearer and clearer every single week that something really needs to change around here. Above all else, bring back the Intercontinental Title. These matches are just coming and going because there’s nothing for most of them to fight over. They’re just filling in time with nothing feuds and stories (D’Lo Brown, Test, Hurricane vs. Richards, Booker T./Goldust and so on) because HHH can only fight one guy at a time.

Other than that though, you barely have any good wrestling and now we’re setting up for No Way Out which will feature a rematch of one of the worst matches ever and Steve Austin, who was a shell of himself eight or so months ago and could be even worse now. On top of that, you know it’s a bad time when your top face can’t be trusted to go two minutes in the main event of Raw. This show is in a massive need of a shot of blood or anything for that matter, but I don’t see it happening anytime soon.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Since I’m ridiculously backed up due to being in Orlando, I needed something to fill in the space.  Here’s a fresh version of last year’s post-Wrestlemania Raw to bridge the gap a bit.

 

Monday Night Raw
Date: April 4, 2016
Location: American Airlines Center, Dallas, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Byron Saxton, John Bradshaw Layfield

We’ll wrap up the redos with this one as I was in the building for the post-Wrestlemania XXXII Raw as well. After the previous night’s exhausting Wrestlemania, it was off to the smark show of the year which kind of serves as the company’s season premiere. There aren’t a ton of loose ends to tie up after last night but Roman Reigns is the new World Champion. Let’s get to it.

The opening recap looks at…..oh come on you can figure this one out. If nothing else that My House song is insanely catchy. Don’t let the shortness of the video fool you: the show sucked.

Cole and the announcers let us know that this show’s audience is “non-traditional” but THEY’RE HAVING FUN! Which is why so many chants are called stupid! One chant that was stupid: a group of fans chanting about TRAVEL PACKAGES before the show started.

Here’s Vince McMahon (in case you thought it was Vince Russo) to open things up. The fans sing No Chance along with the music, which Vince says was the same chance that Shane had last night against Undertaker. As of this morning, there is no more lockbox over his head (it doesn’t make a difference as we still don’t know what was in there) and no one controls him.

Last night he watched his son take a beating but only one moment really got to him: watching Shane dive off that Cell to prove a point. After a Shane-O-Mac chant, Vince tells us to enjoy the show….and here’s Shane. With Vince looking concerned, Shane calls himself the only man in the family. Shane thanks the fans and says he’ll never forget last night. Naturally that means a YOU STILL GOT IT chant because the fans only have a limited set of choices.

Shane goes to leave but Vince says no one upstages him. Let the idiocy begin. Vince has often thought about how crazy it would be if Shane ran Monday Night Raw (I guess he forgot Shane running the show, albeit with Stephanie, back in 2008). The fans tell Vince to LET HIM RUN IT so the boss actually gives in, making EVERYTHING WITH THE UNDERTAKER COMPLETELY WORTHLESS.

I’ve heard that Shane was supposed to win until Undertaker nixed the idea, which would line up with what we’re seeing here. This was stupid back then and looking back on it, this really was one of the dumbest things they’ve done in a long time. At least wait a few weeks and come up with something better than “eh screw the stipulations”. That’s some Russo level nonsense and it just so dumb.

Here’s New Day for a title defense and a chat as the place just EXPLODES for them. New Day merchandise was by far and away the most popular during the weekend so it makes sense to have them here. Things didn’t go well last night but Kofi got to dance with Shawn Michaels but Xavier (who now has a smaller trombone for some reason) didn’t have so much luck. He took a Stunner from Steve Austin and, upon further review of the tape, Woods admits it was entirely his fault.

On a more positive note, they have the final piece of Wrestlemania BootyO’s, which Woods holds up before singing Lion King’s Circle of Life. The place sings along with him (as they should, though me being a diehard Disney fan has nothing to do with this opinion) before we hit all the catchphrases.

Tag Team Titles: New Day vs. League of Nations

New Day is defending against Sheamus and Wade Barrett. The champs easily clean house to start (as you should against losers like the League) and Kofi is tossed onto Sheamus with an accompaniment on trombone. Sheamus eventually shoves Kofi off the top so Woods runs over with the cereal for comfort. Barrett gets in a good kick to the ribs and we take a break with Kofi fighting out of a chinlock and the fans doing the Wave.

Even Sheamus joins in on it so Woods grabs the mic and says if you do the Wave, you like Sheamus. And so much for the Wave. This was the second time Woods had to do something like that as he used the same method to cut off a WE WANT ROCKSTEADY chant during the break. The fans call themselves awesome as Kofi drops Barrett and gets over for the hot tag to Big E. That means a bunch of belly to belly suplexes and the Warrior Splash for no cover. The League is knocked off the apron and a quick Midnight Hour retains the titles at 8:44.

Rating: C-. It’s kind of amazing to think that New Day had EIGHT MORE MONTHS with the titles after holding them since Summerslam. In another note, Sheamus would be one of the people to take them off New Day and with another international partner. Not that there’s any connection but I don’t have anything else to talk about here.

Post match Sheamus says he’s sick of losing and there’s something wrong. Fans: “HOW YOU DOIN?” With an Enzo Amore chant breaking out, Sheamus Brogue Kicks Barrett off the team and out of the company. The whole team would be done in less than a month. Of course ignore the whole complaints about losing when they just won at Wrestlemania. Again, it’s almost like that result was to just screw with the fans, which is the worst kind of booking.

The three members stand alone….and we’ve got Wyatts. An easy beatdown ensues as the fans sing about having the Whole World in His Hands. This would be the start of Bray’s quickly canceled (due to injury) face turn. Why that turn has never been tried again isn’t clear, but the fans are DYING to cheer for Bray and have been since he debuted. When you perform that well, it’s hard to argue against them.

Vince leaves because he knows this is going to be a disaster.

Summer Rae vs. Sasha Banks

Before the match, Summer says her team lost but at least she didn’t fail like Sasha. The place again goes nuts for Sasha’s entrance, who says she’s Sasha and Summer isn’t. Summer gets in an early shot to set up a chinlock, only to have Sasha fight up with running knees in the corner. The Bank Statment wraps Rae up at 1:40.

Apollo Crews vs. Tyler Breeze

This is Crews’ main roster debut and the NXT chants are out in full force. Crews speeds things up to start but eats a hard superkick for two. Not that it matters as Crews hits the gorilla press into the standing moonsault, followed by a Toss Powerbomb for the pin at 1:57. Just a squash, but Crews is a REALLY weird callup as he doesn’t really have a character. He’s insanely athletic and has a great look but there’s no character to him and he doesn’t really have anything for people to care about. That’s not his fault of course as he just needed more development.

Video of Roman Reigns and Charlotte on the Today Show.

Here’s Roman Reigns and MY GOODNESS the booing is louder than it was at Wrestlemania. The announcers are right there to try and write it off as a weird crowd thing but JBL gets even worse by saying Roman FINALLY made it to the top of the mountain. You know, the three time World Champion. Not that it matters though as Reigns gets in what might be the worst line of the year: “I’m not a good guy. I’m not a bad guy. I’m THE guy.” Reigns gives an open challenge for the title and here’s Chris Jericho.

Chris gets straight to the point by demanding that he get the title shot after defeating the internet darling AJ Styles. Speaking of Styles, he’s up next on the interruption list, only to have Kevin Owens limp out before AJ can speak. Cue Sami Zayn to fight with Owens, leaving AJ to be sent outside. A big spear drops Jericho and Reigns smiles in the boos. Of note, Sami immediately grabbed his shoulder and RAN to the back under the cover of darkness. This went nowhere but was rather scary live.

We look back at Shane being put in charge of the show.

Shane makes AJ vs. Jericho vs. Owens vs. Zayn for the #1 contendership. Reigns approves.

The announcers recap the show and tell us about last night’s Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal.

Baron Corbin vs. Dolph Ziggler

This is Corbin’s main roster singles debut after winning last night’s battle royal. Before the match, Corbin says the trophy is the only thing you need to know about him. Fair enough actually and the way you use a battle royal like the Andre version. Ziggler tries to duck away to start until Corbin sends him to the apron. One heck of a boot puts Dolph on the floor and we take a break.

Back with Ziggler fighting out of a nerve hold as the fans have dueling chants about……a beach ball. Yeah a fan brought one in and it was being batted around, completely taking the focus off of the match. You know, because that’s what matters when a brand new talent is brought up and making their Raw debut. I’m sure most of them will be chanting for NXT all night long too.

Now it’s a YOU SOLD OUT chant because a security guard took the ball. Ziggler makes his comeback with a Stinger Splash and the running DDT, only to charge into a massive Deep Six. They head outside with Corbin booting him into the crowd for the double countout at 11:03.

Rating: D. Not only did the beach ball chants waste a lot of time but THIS is how you use a Raw debut? I get that they’re setting up a match later on but you can’t have Corbin beat up some goof and do this on Smackdown? Ziggler getting beaten up is fine but let Corbin get a pinfall first you know?

Corbin beats Ziggler up even more and hits End of Days on the floor.

Stills of Lesnar vs. Ambrose from last night.

Here’s Zack Ryder for a chat, which Lillian introduces as a match. That’s what would happen in a bit but the producers EXPLODED on Lillian (off camera of course) with Garcia yelling right back. On the broadcast, Cole wrote it off as Lillian being excited and thrown off by Ryder shocking the world, which is all it needs to be. Just say she assumed it was a title match but got ahead of herself. Why does that require yelling at her?

Anyway, Ryder tells the amazing story of meeting Razor Ramon as a kid and getting to hold Razor’s Intercontinental Title. Last night they took another picture with Razor holding HIS Intercontinental Title. That’s just awesome and was one of my favorite parts of the whole show. On top of that Ryder thanks his father, who is sitting in the front row (and is in better shape than 90% of the roster). Cue Miz to call Ryder a one hit wonder who got lucky last night. Miz yells about how that was supposed to be his night with his wife watching from the crowd. Ryder: “Sucks to be you bro.” Miz issues a challenge for a title match and we’re on.

Intercontinental Title: Zack Ryder vs. The Miz

Ryder is defending. Miz can only get half of the Reality Check before Ryder gets in a dropkick. A middle rope dropkick is good for two and Ryder one ups himself with a middle rope hurricanrana. Back from a break with Ryder being sent to the floor for a big crash before Miz unloads with left hands. Ryder fights back with a middle rope dropkick (again) but gets caught with a short DDT for two.

Zack counters a suplex into a neckbreaker and the Elbro is good for two. The Broski Boot isn’t allowed to connect of course so Miz drops him face first on the barricade, right in front of Papa Ryder. Oh yeah you know where this is going. Trash is talked and Zack’s dad pushes him down. It’s not a DQ for some reason but here’s Maryse coming over the barricade to slap dad in the face. The distraction lets the Skull Crushing Finale give Miz the title at 10:58.

Rating: C+. Better match than I was expecting with the obvious ending. Maryse coming back turned out to be the greatest thing that could have happened to Miz, who really needed a boost just like this. They really are perfect for the roles and the fact that they’re really married makes it even better. That was pretty much it for Ryder as a singles guy and really….it’s not that surprising.

A lot of gloating ensues.

Owens says Sami won’t leave him alone but he’s on to bigger and better things. Like destroying the Roman Empire and becoming the new World Champion. Sami isn’t costing him the WWE Title because tonight, the road to KO Mania II begins.

The Vaudevillains are coming. On Smackdown!

Here’s the women’s division with Lita standing next to the new Women’s Title. She wants to do this right, which means Charlotte needs to come out here to be presented with her title. The fans immediately cut her off with HEY! WE WANT SOME BAYLEY but Cole says Bayley isn’t here. You know, in case you had a reason to be interested in this segment. Charlotte actually thanks the fans for getting her here but the fans keep singing for Bayley.

It turns into a WOMEN’S WRESTLING chant which Charlotte actually seems to enjoy. Charlotte starts talking about how great her dad is and how much he helped as this turns into the heel speech you would expect. She mocks a lot of the women for being here so long while she’s dominated in less than a year. Sasha and Becky walk out (Charlotte: “I didn’t bank on you leaving!” with the rest of the ladies following.

Natalya is the only one left and goes into a speech about how Charlotte needs to learn respect. It was Natalya who gave Charlotte a great match at Roadblock and she has the heart of a champion. Charlotte laughs it off because the title proves that she has the better family. The fight is on and Sharpshootering ensues.

So at this point we had about ten women in the ring at once and somehow, WWE decided that we had enough for two divisions. On top of that though, NATALYA, the least interesting woman on the roster, gets the first shot at the new champ? That was a huge blow for the division and I think everyone knew it. The segment was good other than that but sweet goodness that was a bad ending. Oh and finally: can we PLEASE stop with the “my family is better than yours” stuff? It puts too much focus on the old guys, which defeats the purpose of the whole thing.

AJ says he’s here to be World Champion.

The Shining Stars are coming and somehow they’re still here a year later.

Usos vs. Dudley Boyz

Tables match. It’s a huge brawl to start and in theory there are no DQ’s here, as there certainly shouldn’t be given how violent the match is supposed to be. JBL flat out says there’s no strategy here, which means there’s really not much of a point for commentary either. Or a referee. Or the match in general really.

Bubba takes over on Jey and it’s What’s Up, only to have Bubba say SCREW YOU instead of ordering D-Von around again. Double dives put the Dudleyz up against the announcers’ table and we take a break. Back with Bubba getting superkicked onto a table as a NAKAMURA chant breaks out. I know it’s the big show of the year for this nonsense but it was old five minutes into the show.

Double powerbombs are countered into a double superkick (you can guess who did what), followed by double clotheslines off the barricade. The double Superfly Splashes through the tables miss and the bell rings, which is a bit premature. Bubba throws Jey through a table for the real win at 8:57.

Rating: D-. This was really boring and I have no idea why this even needed to happen. The Usos beat them clean at Wrestlemania so now they lose a gimmick match the next night on Raw? Nothing to see here and the match went on FAR longer than it really needed to. This could have been done on any other show and it really held things back here.

Sami Zayn is ready to prove everyone wrong and get to the main event when Owens comes in and powerbombs him through a table.

The Dudleyz are still out here (after yelling at fans while the lights were down for Sami’s interview) but they’re interrupted by the debuting Enzo Amore and Big Cass to a MEGA pop. We hit the usual catchphrases with the fans eating them up like a big bowl of……oh if only there was a WWE themed food eaten from a bowl. Enzo thinks the Dudleyz are jealous because they’re just ugly. He’s even willing to punch D-Von’s lazy eye straight. More insults ensue but no violence follows. Cass’ spelling lesson takes us out.

More Wrestlemania stills.

Zack Ryder gets his rematch on Smackdown.

Dr. Phil is guest host next week. The place went SILENT when that was announced, as it should.

AJ Styles vs. Kevin Owens vs. Chris Jericho vs. ???

One fall to a finish. Sami is officially out due to injury and is replaced by…….the returning Cesaro! That’s your big surprise for the end of the show and I’ve certainly heard far worse ideas. He’s a popular guy so let him come out there and give the fans something to cheer about. If nothing else we get the debut of the tearaway suit. It’s a brawl to start (duh) with the Canadians being sent outside, leaving Style vs. Cesaro for a pop inducing showdown.

A big dropkick staggers Cesaro but he grabs a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker to put Styles down and the show on a commercial. Back with a KO MANIA chant as Jericho works over Styles in the ring. Chris spends a bit too much time posing though and Owens has to save him from the Cesaro Swing. The greatest friendship that ever lived hadn’t begun yet though so I’m not sure why Kevin would do that.

Since it’s a four way match, we hit the Tower of Doom with Cesaro getting to do the powerbomb, meaning we HIT THAT CROWD SHOT BABY! Yeah they were even doing it back then. Swiss Death drops AJ for a close two and Owens gives Jericho the package piledriver slam for the same. AJ is back up for a springboard 450 for two more on Chris as Cesaro makes the save.

It’s time for the Uppercut Train and you know the fans are getting behind that thing. Even Jericho comes back in to make it a three stop train. The Swing makes its return as Jericho goes spinning until Owens makes the save. Kevin’s Pop Up Powerbomb gets two on Styles but Jericho gives Owens a Codebreaker for a near fall of his own.

The fans cheer for Cesaro as he and Jericho slug it out (you know you’ve made it if a smark crowd is cheering for you over Jericho) but Chris grabs the Walls. Cesaro fights out and reverses into a Sharpshooter but it’s AJ’s turn for the save via the Phenomenal Forearm. Another Codebreaker gets another two on Styles but he comes back with his Strike Rush into the Styles Clash for the pin on Jericho at 16:44.

Rating: B+. Yeah this is still great with the near falls and a lot of doubt about who is actually going to pull off the win. Styles getting the title shot was a great way to bring him back to the forefront after the interesting loss at Wrestlemania. Cesaro not being involved in the fall was a good idea as you don’t want to kill off his momentum right off the bat. Owens vs. Sami will be fine too so this was a very well booked match.

Styles can’t believe it and celebrates to end the show. This went on for a good while to really end the night.

Overall Rating: C. This really doesn’t hold up all that well with the lack of drama for the debuts and surprises. It also reinforces the issues with the crowd, who are just never going to shut up no matter what they do. There’s good stuff on here, such as Shane not coming back out for a long speech (keep the people wanting him) and the main event, but stuff like that tables match and a lot of the short matches don’t work too well. It’s still watchable but the big reason to care about it is gone, which makes it a louder show with an obnoxious crowd that has to be saved by a great main event. Still though, it was fun which is what matters.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the NXT: The Full Sail Years Volumes I and II, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/03/24/kbs-history-of-nxt-volumes-1-and-2-now-available-in-paperback/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6