Bang the drums properly.

This is a Nigerian Drum Fight, because WWE needed another name for hardcore and thirty plus writers couldn’t come up with anything better. Crews’ gimmick isn’t exactly brilliant, but it is slowly starting to grow on me as he is actually making the ridiculous thing work. At the same time, Big E. has been champion for over three months and hasn’t really done anything but feud with Crews. That could go a few ways, but I’m not sure which way it will be.

As worried as I am about what a Nigerian Drum Fight is going to entail, Crews needs to win the title here. He can drop it back to Big E. in the future but what matters here is giving Crews some momentum, because he hasn’t actually won anything of note since his heel turn. Big E. winning wouldn’t surprise me, but it probably needs to be Crew going over here, just for the sake of his future.

The real money from these two is in selling hats.

I know it’s not as important, but I’m still trying to get my head around the fact that colorful birds come flying out of Riddle every time he jumps in the air for the shoe flip. That’s up there with the Strowman train. Anyway, Riddle has a scooter, Sheamus doesn’t like it, come watch two hard hitting people beat the fire out of each other for ten to fifteen minutes and have a good time.

If you look at this on paper, Sheamus probably deserves the US Title. That being said, taking the title away from Riddle after about two months would be about as dumb of an idea as you could have. Riddle is weird/annoying enough on his own so he is going to need to keep the title for a pretty long time. Have him beat Sheamus up (and vice versa) and leave with the title in a big moment.

Just please…..let it be over.

Please, please, PLEASE let this be the end of this stupid feud. As is usually the case with anything the Fiend does, this has gone on WAY too long and gotten far too ridiculous. They need to just let this this wrap up already because I’m almost scared to know what they would think of next. The feud isn’t working and hasn’t for a long time now, so just let it be over.

Speaking of over, I’ll say Fiend goes over, as he deserves some revenge after what happened to him last year. Throw in deserving some revenge after the awful Wrestlemania match they had before and Fiend should absolutely get the win here. I’m not sure what is next for either of them but all that matters is that they do something else, because this needed to end a long time ago.

It’s a long time coming.

This is kind of cool to see as these two have spent their entire careers joined at the hip. How awesome is it going to be for them to get to face each other at Wrestlemania after all these years? There’s also the Logan Paul factor but is isn’t like he can do that much damage to the whole thing. This is going to be about two old friends getting to do something they talked about since they were kids and that is great.

I’ll take Owens here, likely with some shenanigans from Paul, whether intentional or not. Let Zayn have something else to get annoyed about while Owens FINALLY gets a win after losing to Roman Reigns time after time. All this needs to be is a nice match as either of them winning would be fine enough. Owens seems to be more fun though and as long as Paul doesn’t do anything stupid, they’ll be fine.

Bring on the headliners.

I think this one might headline and that would be a pretty cool moment. It isn’t quite the same as main eventing Wrestlemania but it is something you can claim and get away with it well enough. Unfortunately you can’t claim that this has been a well done build to the show, because they had to spent about a month dealing with Nia Jax/Shayna Baszler and Reginald because…..like anyone knows that.

They almost have to pull the trigger on Belair here because Banks doesn’t need the title and Belair has never actually won a championship. Just give her the belt already because that is the kind of thing that can make her feel like a star instead of just an athletic marvel. Belair needs this, just like the women’s division REALLY needs some fresh blood. WWE kinds of needs to get this right and having the match headline would be even better.

Somehow this is opening.

I’m not sure what to think about this as they are really pushing this as a big match. I just don’t know if they have done enough to make it work. It’s a match we have seen before and McIntyre is already a two time World Champion. Lashley needs to keep the title for a bit and as nice as it would be for McIntyre to have his moment in front of people, we have already seen him as the top guy for a year. Let someone else do it already.

In something I’ll likely regret, I’ll go with Lashley as the winner here, though I would be surprised if McIntyre didn’t get the title back soon. Lashley has waited for a long time to get this title run and I would love for it to go longer than about five weeks. McIntyre has had his day and is basically a made man at the moment, so don’t mess up something that needs a chance. I wouldn’t hate McIntyre winning, but he really shouldn’t/doesn’t need to.

Hip Hop Hooray?

This is your big celebrity match of the year and for once it seems like something that could do some good for both the celebrity and the wrestlers involved. Bunny is a mainstream star and that could give Priest a rather nice rub. We’ll have to wait and see what happens when Bunny is finally gone, but the question is how they get to that point. And something about an expensive car.

Of course Bunny and Priest win here, because there is no reason for them not to. I’ve been a big fan of Miz and Morrison for a long time now but they need to lose here for the sake of Priest. He is hardly the youngest guy in the world but he has some serious potential. What he needs is something to get some attention though and that can happen by helping Bunny beat a former World Champion, or maybe just doing it himself. Either way, Bunny and Priest win.

Giants are fun right?

The idea here is the debut of Omos, who is getting a title shot in his first match because WWE….or maybe because Styles is his partner. This is hardly the most thrilling idea, but all the need to do with a giant like Omos is having him stand there and do like two things well. If he can make that work, Styles and the New Day can do the rest. But what about who actually wins?

For the sake of sanity, I’ll go with Styles and Omos winning here because, as has been the case for the better part of ever, New Day continues to feel like a team ready to move on and let someone else take over. There is no reason for them to retain here so let’s see what Styles and Omos can do as the champs. It isn’t like there is a division either way, so just do what makes the most sense here.

Aren’t we just so lucky?

Let’s just get this stupid thing out of the way. These two have been having one of the worst feuds in recent memory in WWE and for some reason they are getting a Wrestlemania match out of the thing. I mean, granted the meaning is that there is a McMahon involved, but egads I don’t think there is anyone actually interested in this thing. I’m sure we’ll see it again later because yay rematches, but we need to get this one out of the way.

I’ll take Strowman to win here because as likely as WWE is to go with McMahon to win here, I think Vince McMahon might be too happy with the train noises to not want to push Strowman for the win here. The match isn’t going to be good, but let’s get the thing over with already so we can all move on to something better. There must be some kind of broken bone I can suffer instead of watching this again.

I’m sure something called TURMOIL will turn out great.

The winners of a four (or five depending on if you believe WWE’s accidental spoiler) team gauntlet match get a shot at the Women’s Tag Team Titles on the second night. The fact that these teams are mostly horrible should tell you almost everything you need to know about the sad state of these titles, but that has never stopped WWE before. This is going to be a mess, but how else are they getting this many people on the show without a battle royal?

As much as I would like for it to be the Riott Squad (because they’re a team who has been together for a good while and they work well together), odds are this goes to Naomi and Lana, because WWE thinks there is something left in Lana vs. Nia Jax. The team has been treated as losers since they formed, but that is the case for most of the teams in the division. Another surprise addition with Bayley and/or Charlotte wouldn’t surprise me, but the last thing the division needs is ANOTHER thrown together team.