Wrestlemania XXXIX Night One
Date: April 1, 2023
Location: SoFi Stadium, Inglewood, California
Attendance: 67,303
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves
America The Beautiful: Becky G

I’ve been curious to get back to this show as it was rather well received last year, leading me to wonder just how well it holds up. The main event of the first night is the Usos defending the Tag Team Titles against Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens, which is still hard to believe in multiple ways. Other than that, we have Rhea Ripley challenging Charlotte for the Smackdown Women’s Title. Let’s get to it.

The set is a classic one, looking like the stage at the Academy Awards.

Becky G sings America The Beautiful.

The opening video features Kevin Hart, who threatens the voiceover guy with a big boot and legdrop. Hart is here to tell us a story about something that happened once upon a time in Hollywood. This sends us to a Wrestlemania greatest hits package before we look at the Wrestlemania trailers, which really weren’t close to the level of the originals in 2005. Hart asks the pyro budget to wrap it up.

Here are the hosts (in the ring rather than doing a full entrance in a smart time saver), the Miz and Snoop Dogg, to get things going. Miz talks about how they have a lot in common: they’re both musicians (Miz was in Wrestlemania: The Musical) and they’re both in a bunch of movies, plus Snoop is a WWE Golden Champ. Snoop: “So we’re the same?” Snoop says it’s more about the champions in the audience tonight, sending Miz into a preview of the card. We’re ready to fire it up so let’s get going.

US Title: Austin Theory vs. John Cena

Theory, defending, has one of my favorite entrance styles as the camera is shooting from the entrance, allowing you to look at the sea of humanity in front of him. It’s been awesome for years and it still is here. Cena on the other hand gets a video of his Make-A-Wish work (which is as cool as it gets) and has a bunch of Make-A-Wish kids with him for the big feel good moment. The entrance is rather strong, though maybe not as strong as that bald spot Cena is sporting.

Feeling out process to start with Theory grabbing a headlock and getting powered off without much effort. Cena goes after the arm and takes Theory down with a headlock takeover as the fans aren’t sure about this one. Back up and Cena powers him into the corner so Theory gets creative with a bite of the ear of all things. As I try to figure out if Theory was alive for Tyson vs. Holyfield II, Theory jumps Cena from behind and hits a suplex for two.

Theory takes a bit too long to follow up though and Cena snaps off a suplex of his own. The rolling Blockbuster cuts Cena right back down for two and we hit the posing for a bit. Theory’s rolling dropkick gets the same as the fans aren’t quite into these covers yet. More posing sets up Theory knocking him down again but a big stomp is blocked. The AA is countered into a DDT to give Theory two more and the frustration is on again.

Theory misses a charge into the corner and they slug it out until Theory grabs a sleeper. That’s broken up with a ram into the buckle and Cena initiates the finishing sequence. The AA is blocked again with a grab of the ropes and the referee gets bumped. Cena grabs the STF for the tap, which the referee doesn’t see. Theory gets in a low blow and A Town Down retains the title at 11:21.

Rating: C. It takes some guts to have Cena come out with the Make-A-Wish kids and then have him lose. As for the rest of the match, it was rather basic and felt like Cena was just playing the greatest hits. I get that Cena wasn’t able to be his old self, but it was getting close to “shell of his former self” territory. It was an attempt to give Theory a rub, but that didn’t quite click here as it felt like Theory was beating someone out there for one more match rather than a returning star.

Street Profits vs. Ricochet/Braun Strowman vs. Alpha Academy vs. Viking Raiders

This is dubbed a Showcase Match, which is pretty much flat out saying “they’re here to be on the card”. I kind of like the honesty there. Titus O’Neil is on commentary for no adequately explored reason. The Raiders have Valhalla (or Sarah Logan according to Titus) in their corner. Ricochet and Gable start things off and thank goodness they aren’t having four in the ring at once.

Ricochet’s hurricanrana attempt is countered into a quickly broken ankle lock so Ricochet sweeps the legs, only to get pulled into a backslide for one. Gable gets sent into the corner for the tag from Otis, who runs Ricochet over without much effort (Titus: “Big sweaty Otis!”). It’s right back to Gable, who mocks Strowman, allowing Ricochet to jump over Gable and make the tag.

All eight get in (you knew it was coming) and the big brawl is on. The Vikings clear the ring and the springboard clothesline/German suplex combination drops Ricochet. Ragnarok hits Ford but let’s stop to pose instead of covering. Strowman is back up to run both of them over, only to have Gable come back in for the rolling Chaos Theory. Gable goes up for a Swan Dive but Dawkins tags himself in, only to miss a dive. Ivar comes in and misses the moonsault as Dawkins moves (not that it would have connected anyway).

That leaves Strowman to hit a top rope splash for two on Strowman, with almost everyone else making the save. Otis World’s Strongest Slams Strowman but Ford is back in to clean some house. A bunch of people go to the corner and that is indeed a Tower Of Doom, with Ricochet diving onto them for the real crash. Strowman is up for the Strowman Express until Dawkins BLASTS HIM with a shoulder to pop the heck out of Titus. Ricochet is up with a springboard shooting star onto Dawkins but the shooting star press inside hits raised knees. Ford’s frog splash to Ricochet’s back (onto Dawkins’ knees) is enough for the pin at 8:29.

Rating: B. The term showcase makes sense here as that is what it felt like we saw. This was eight people getting the chance to have fun and it felt like something you would have seen on an independent show. That block on Strowman and Ricochet’s shooting star were both great, though the Profits were the most established team coming into this and giving them the win makes sense. I’m not usually wild on the people being stacked onto the card, but I’ll take it over a battle royal.

Video on Brock Lesnar vs. Omos, which takes place tomorrow.

We recap Seth Rollins vs. Logan Paul. Rollins is a star and Paul eliminated him from the Royal Rumble. To make it worse, Paul has knocked cost Rollins the US Title and knocked him out with his loaded right hand, leaving Rollins a little worried.

The UpUpDownDown crew simulates Rollins vs. Paul in WWE2K23, with Rollins having a 58% chance to win.

Seth Rollins vs. Logan Paul

Paul ziplines in, which is cool enough, but it doesn’t have much in the way of lasting power. Rollins has quite the entrance, as a conductor leads the crowd to sing his song. There is also a walking bottle of Prime, which can’t end well. Rollins grabs a headlock to start and talks to Paul a bit before being shoved away. They pick the pace up a bit with Rollins hitting a running shoulder but it’s way too early for the Stomp.

Back up and Paul throws him over the top (just like he did at the Royal Rumble, hence Paul saying “that’s twice”). Rollins isn’t happy with that and comes back in to hammer away until Paul snaps his throat across the top. Back in and Paul starts slugging away before avoiding a charge in the corner. A springboard crossbody into a standing moonsault gives Paul two and we hit something like a seated octopus. They strike it out while laying on the mat until Paul busts out a nice gutwrench suplex.

Commentary isn’t sure if they should be shocked that Paul is this good as he jumps from the mat to the top for a moonsault (geez) which only hits mat. The fans greatly approve of something (seemingly in the crowd) as Rollins makes the comeback and sends him over the top to even the score a bit. Three straight suicide dives connect for Rollins so Paul crawls away, only for Rollins to Stomp his hand on the steps.

Back in and the Pedigree is countered into an exchange of rollups for two each. Paul pops up and hits the big right hand but the pain means it’s a VERY delayed near fall. Rollins is back up with a sitout powerbomb for two and the Stomp is loaded up….but the bottle of Prime makes the save. It’s KSI (Paul’s business partner), whose distraction lets Paul post Rollins for the big knockdown. The announcers’ table is cleared off but KSI spends too much time filming, allowing Rollins to pull him in the way of Paul’s splash off the post through the table.

Back in and the Pedigree gets two in a heck of a kickout, leaving them both down. The frustrated Rollins hits an elbow to the back of the head but the Stomp is pulled out of the air. Paul busts out a GTS of all things before dropping a nice frog splash for two. With Rollins down in the corner, Paul goes up and tries a Coast To Coast, only to dive into a superkick. The Stomp finishes for Rollins at 16:14.

Rating: B+. These guys tore the house down with some awesome stuff as Paul continues to be an absolute freak of nature out there. He absolutely should not be this good with so little experience but here he is, having a heck of a match with a top WWE star on the biggest stage of them all. I had a great time watching this and you could feel the energy going up over and over throughout. Great match.

We recap Damage CTRL vs. Becky Lynch/Trish Stratus/Lita. Damage CTRL took out Lynch so she brought in Lita of all people to team with her and take the Women’s Tag Team Titles. Lita and Lynch, with an assist from Stratus, actually won the titles so now it’s time for a big grudge match.

Damage CTRL vs. Lita/Trish Stratus/Becky Lynch

Damage CTRL gets a normal entrance while the other three get a movie trailer/comic book style entrance, which is indeed rather cool and fitting for the show. For some reason they come into the stadium in black and white and….well it’s cool but I’m not sure I get the theme here. We get the big staredown to start and the fight is on before the bell. Damage CTRL is cleared out to the floor so Lynch baseball slides into Kai.

Back in and we officially start with Lynch’s early Manhandle Slam attempt being broken up. Sky offers a distraction so Kai can kick Lynch in the head, meaning the villains can take over in the corner. Some knees in the corner give Sky two, followed by a heck of a springboard missile dropkick for the same. A double wheelbarrow suplex/neckbreaker combination gives Bayley two, followed by Kai’s kick to the face for two more.

Lynch manages to send Bayley outside and drop Kai but Bayley pulls Stratus down to break up the tag attempt. Kai is finally knocked down though and the tag brings in Lita for a kind of awkward looking headscissors. Another headscissors sends Sky face first into the corner, setting up a faceplant for two. Lita goes up but Kai offers a cheap shot to put her down as the villains take over again.

Triple kicks drop Lita again before Sky bends the neck around the rope and screams menacingly. Lita manages to DDT her way out of trouble and brings Trish back in to chop away at Kai in the corner. A neckbreaker gives Stratus two but the Stratusphere is broken up. Everything breaks down and an assisted Stratusphere sends Kai off the top and down onto Sky/Bayley.

Back in and we get a rather awful looking Poetry In Motion to Kai, setting up the Disarm-Her from Lynch. Bayley breaks that up and takes Stratus down before pulling Kai over to the right corner in a move heels should use more often. The Rose Plant and Manhandle Slam are broken up but Bayley’s second Rose Plant connects with Lita having to make the save. Stratus comes back in and everything breaks down with everyone but Sky crashing out to the floor.

Sky moonsaults onto the pile and everyone is down at once. All six of them get back in and we have the three on three slugout, much to the fans’ delight. Lita hits Sky with a Twist of Fate and the Chick Kick drops Kai. The Litasault connects on Kai and Sky, leaving Lynch to hit a super Manhandle Slam for the pin at 14:38.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t very good as it felt long and then went another five minutes. Lita can’t really move all that well anymore (a lot of that will have to do with her neck problems) and it was getting tough to watch her out there. Everything else was ok at best and this really needed to be about five or more minutes shorter. Not an awful match, but slow and fairly dull to watch at times.

Video on Bianca Belair vs. Asuka for the former’s Raw Women’s Title on Night Two.

We recap Dominik Mysterio vs. Rey Mysterio. Dominik has been corrupted by Rhea Ripley and the Judgment Day and has gone full evil. This saw him torment his dad for months before finally getting Rey’s attention by going after his own mother. Now Rey is ready to teach his son, who was arrested for invading Rey’s house and now brags about his time (all of a few hours) in jail, a lesson.

Bad Bunny is on Spanish commentary.

Rey Mysterio vs. Dominik Mysterio

Following a long video showing him being transported from prison (including a shot of Auschwitz (as in the German concentration camp, which WWE had to apologize for using), Dominik is out first and comes to the ring in the back of a police van, where he has to be unshackled (with a lucha mask, which has Michael Cole WAY too incensed). Yeah that’s not going to be topped. Rey is driven to the ring in a low rider (with Eddie Guerrero music) by Snoop Dogg and yeah Dominik wasn’t topped.

Dominik, in gear close to Rey’s Halloween Havoc 1997 attire, locks up to start and gets absolutely nowhere with it. They go to the mat with Dominik taking him down, only to be sent out to the floor. Back in and Rey snaps off a running hurricanrana, meaning Dominik needs a breather. That’s fine with Rey, who headscissors him into the corner, where a whipping ensues. Dominik bails to the floor again, where he grabs a drink from his sister and throws it into her face.

Rey goes over to cut said sister off, allowing Dominik to catapult him into the post. That’s too far even for Graves, who can’t bring himself to defend Dominik on this one. The abdominal stretch goes on back inside before Dominik drops him down, meaning more trash talk can ensue. He yells at his mother enough that she slaps him in the face, allowing Rey to start the comeback.

Back in and Rey starts the comeback, including the springboard spinning crossbody. The Eddie Dance looks to set up Three Amigos but here is Judgment Day as Dominik drives him into the corner. Rey gets a running start but gets flipped over Dominik, sending him face first into the bottom turnbuckle for a VERY hard crash. After the referee makes sure Rey’s face isn’t broken, Dominik tries Three Amigos but Rey slips out of the third.

The 619 connects, only to have the Judgment Day offer a distraction so Dominik can take Rey down again. Rey is sent outside so Judgment Day surrounds him, only for the LWO to come in for the save. Back in and Dominik’s 619 sets up a frog splash for two, meaning frustration is setting in. Dominik unhooks the turnbuckle pad but the referee sees him, allowing Dominik to grab a chain instead. Bad Bunny breaks that up though and it’s a 619 into the frog splash to give Rey the pin at 14:31.

Rating: B. This is a weird one as I remembered absolutely loving it the first time but instead this was just good. The spanking in the corner spot was great and it was by far the biggest match Dominik has had. The big thing here was the Mysterio Family overcome Judgment Day and the evils of Dominik, which is about as feel good of a feeling as you can have.

It told a story and the action was good, making it feel very Wrestlemania worthy. Having the LWO there to cut off Judgment Day and Bad Bunny there to even things out again were nice additions as well. Good stuff overall, though maybe not the classic I remember it being originally.

You should visit Puerto Rico. The Puerto Rico tourism bureau really recommends it.

We recap Rhea Ripley challenging Charlotte for the Smackdown Women’s Title. Ripley is the new monster of the division but Charlotte beat her before. This is a very different Ripley though and she wants the title, but also to avenge her loss to Charlotte at Wrestlemania XXXVI.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Charlotte vs. Rhea Ripley

Ripley is challenging. They take their time to start before Ripley runs her over. Back up and Charlotte knocks her out to the floor for a change, with Ripley looking a bit scared. She gets back inside where Charlotte is sent to the apron, only to come back with a big boot. A high crossbody gives Charlotte two but Ripley drops her face first onto the top turnbuckle. Ripley’s bodyscissors slows things down a bit, followed by the chops to keep Charlotte in trouble.

Charlotte is back up with some chops up against the ropes but Ripley snaps off a German suplex for two. Another comeback lets Charlotte drop her on the turnbuckle and hit some clotheslines, followed by the big chops to really stagger Ripley. Back up and Ripley rolls through a high crossbody and tries Riptide, only to get countered into a heck of a DDT for a near fall. Stereo big boots leave them both down for a minute before it’s time to slug it out. Ripley sends her into the knee but Charlotte snaps off a t-bone suplex.

Charlotte takes too long going up though and it’s a release German superplex for two, leaving Ripley shaken up. The breather lets Charlotte go after the knee and Natural Selection gets two. They go outside, where Charlotte misses a charge into the steps, allowing Ripley to grab a belly to back faceplant for two. Riptide is countered into a German suplex to put Ripley down but she’s back up with a German suplex to put Charlotte down on her face (that was almost really bad as Charlotte barely rotated enough).

Charlotte is fine enough to hit a heck of a big boot for tow more but the Figure Four is blocked again. A staggered Ripley rolls to the apron, where Charlotte hits another big boot. The moonsault to the floor actually connects but Ripley blocks the Figure Four again. The spear misses and a quick Riptide gets two, leaving Ripley absolutely stunned (you don’t see that every day). With the covers not working, Ripley grabs the Prism Trap, which looks even more impressive with someone as tall as Charlotte.

The rope is reached and Ripley almost runs into the referee, allowing Charlotte to come back with a spear for two of her own. Another big boot (Charlotte likes those) drops Ripley and the Figure Four finally goes on but the rope is grabbed in about half a second. They go up top, where Ripley drops her face first onto the post. That sets up a super Riptide to knock Charlotte good and silly for the pin and the title at 23:34.

Rating: A. I gave this a B+ last year and I completely shortchanged the whole thing. These two beat the living daylights out of each other and it felt like an absolute war with Ripley being crowned as the new queen. This is the match that Ripley needed to win and WWE got it absolutely right with the victory coming in a war. It was time for something new in the division and that was Ripley, who had to beat Charlotte to get there after what happened three years ago. Outstanding match here and an instant classic.

Video on Gunther defending the Intercontinental Title against Drew McIntyre and Sheamus on Night Two.

Austin Theory says he showed John Cena. Do you believe in him now?

Miz and Snoop Dogg announce tonight’s attendance: 80,497. Snoop says the only thing that would be better than that would be if Miz had a match tonight and Miz agrees. He put out an open challenge, but no one responded. Everyone knows that he is the toughest man here and we hit the catchphrase….which is cut off by Pat McAfee.

Cole stands up and Graves looks crushed all over again. McAfee says high to the beautiful people and greets Snoop before saying no one heard about this open challenge. He’s wearing his Wrestlemania tank top and the challenge is on. Miz would love to do it but he’s just the host of Wrestlemania so he can’t make the match. McAfee mocks Miz’s testicular fortitude so Snoop decides he can make the match. Miz tells Snoop to do this instead. Snoop: “I don’t do this. I rap.” And the bell rings.

Pat McAfee vs. Miz

McAfee slugs away to start and catches a charging Miz with a spinebuster. Miz goes up top but McAfee goes up with him and then backflips away. A superkick (and a nice one) knocks a diving Miz out of the air so Miz is ready to walk. For reasons of celebrity involvement, Miz shoves NFL tight end George Kittle, who jumps the barricade (security around here is awful) and clotheslines Miz. That lets McAfee go up onto the post and flip dive down onto Miz for the big crash. Back in and McAfee hits the Punt for the pin at 3:25.

Rating: C. This was the goofy fun that they knew it would be as Miz continues to be the perfect choice for the goof who can be beaten down and come back again later no matter what. McAfee is a nice celebrity guest star as he can more than handle himself in a short match and the fans seemed to like him. Good, easy fun here.

Wrestlemania XL is in Philadelphia.

Night Two rundown.

We recap the Usos defending the Tag Team Titles against Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens. Zayn had been part of the Bloodline but they eventually turned on him, leaving Zayn to turn to his long time, on again/off again partner Owens, who did not trust Zayn. There was one too many beatdowns though, and Owens finally reformed the team with Zayn to set up the title match, as they have to bring the Bloodline down one way or another. The other aspect of this is Jey Uso, who seemed to trust Zayn before getting stabbed in the back as well. Zayn still seems to believe in Jey, which adds a bit of a twist to the whole thing.

Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens

The Usos are defending and are played to the ring by Lil Uzi Vert. Owens and Zayn are so fired up and you can feel every bit of it. After the Big Match Intros, Zayn seems ready to start with Jimmy but Jey comes in instead. Jey shoulders Zayn down but he comes back with right hands for a change. Jimmy low bridges Zayn to the floor though as the villains start taking over.

A suplex to the floor and a boot to the face keep Zayn in trouble, with Jey adding a Stinger Splash for two. Zayn finally manages to send the champs outside though and it’s Owens coming in to clean house. A big flip dive to the floor drops the Usos and a frog splash from the apron/top rope each gets two on Jimmy. Back in and Jey hits a pop up neckbreaker to cut Owens off though and we slow back down.

Owens fights back and tries a Swanton, only to hit raised knees. Jimmy adds a quick Superfly Splash for two and the near fall has Jimmy confused. Some superkicks put Jimmy into the corner though and it’s a Cannonball to Jimmy, with Zayn brainbustering Jey on the apron. The Swanton gives Owens two and Zayn adds his own Superfly Splash for two more. Cole references El Generico for the OLE chants but Jey cuts things off with a superkick.

A high quantity of superkicks get two on Zayn, with Owens having to make a save. Another superkick gets two but this time Zayn kicks out himself. Owens tries to come in sans tag but gets spinebustered through the announcers’ table for his efforts. Back in and the 1D gets two on Zayn, with Cole (and the fans) LOSING IT over the kickout. The livid Jey shouts at Zayn in the corner, slapping away while saying they were brothers.

Jey hits a Helluva Kick but Zayn grabs an exploder suplex into the corner. The tag brings in Owens for powerbombs a plenty, setting up a Helluva Kick from Zayn to Jimmy. The Stunner gets two on Jey and everyone is down. They all pull themselves up and the fight is on again, meaning more and more superkicks.

The Usos’ superkicks are superer though and Owens is down while Zayn is knocked to the floor. The double Superfly Splashes get two and the Usos are stunned. Zayn breaks up the super 1D though and Owens superplexes Jimmy, allowing the tag to Zayn for the Helluva Kick to Jey. Another Helluva Kick to Jey, a Stunner to Jimmy and a third Helluva Kick to Jey FINALLY give us new champions at 24:07.

Rating: B+. This was all about the emotion, as Owens and Zayn had such a long story to not only win the titles, but they headlined Wrestlemania (two in a row for Owens) to do so. That is one of those “who would have believed it” stories and my goodness the payoff was worth the wait. If nothing else, the fact that neither of them had won a Tag Team Title in WWE until now is almost hard to fathom. The match itself was rather good too and they nailed the finish as it had to be Zayn pining Jey, but even the Young Bucks would tell them to tone down the superkicks here. Heck of a main event though.

A big celebration and the highlight package take us out for the night.

Overall Rating: A-. There were eight matches on here (one of which was the impromptu celebrity match) and five of them were very good to excellent. That is getting into all time territory and if the other two matches (Cena/Theory and the six woman tag) could have held up even a bit more, it’s one of the best shows ever. For now, I’ll more than go with what they gave us, including an excellent Ripley vs. Charlotte match.

The biggest thing here though was how grand everything felt. From the stadium to the set to the crowd to the action, it felt like the biggest show in the world and that is what sets Wrestlemania apart. There is nothing like it in wrestling and this one blew a bunch of its predecessors out of the water. I liked it a lot on the first viewing and the repeat might have been even better. Definitely worth a look if you haven’t seen it before or even since the original airing.

Ratings Comparison

John Cena vs. Austin Theory

Original: C
Redo: C

Street Profits vs. Alpha Academy vs. Ricochet/Braun Strowman vs. Viking Raiders

Original: B
Redo: B

Logan Paul vs. Seth Rollins

Original: B+
Redo: B+

Damage CTRL vs. Becky Lynch/Trish Stratus/Lita

Original: C-
Redo: C-

Rey Mysterio vs. Dominik Mysterio

Original: A-
Redo: B

Rhea Ripley vs. Charlotte

Original: B+
Redo: A

Pat McAfee vs. Miz

Original: C
Redo: C

Usos vs. Kevin Owens/Sami Zayn

Original: A-
Redo: B+

Overall Rating

Original: B+
Redo: A-

Pretty close all around but it’s better than a B+ overall.

 

 

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Wrestlemania XXXVIII Night Two
Date: April 3, 2022
Location: AT&T Stadium, Arlington, Texas
Attendance: 78,453
Commentators: Michael Cole, Pat McAfee, Byron Saxton, Corey Graves, Jimmy Smith
America The Beautiful: Jesse James Decker

It’s the second half of the show and WWE has a lot to live up to after the first night. This half is built around the unification match for the WWE and Universal Titles as Brock Lesnar faces Roman Reigns in the BIGGEST WRESTLEMANIA MATCH EVER (THIS YEAR!). Other than that, Pat McAfee is facing Austin Theory in a match that has gotten a lot of TV time. Let’s get to it.

I was in the stadium for this show, sitting in the third deck with the stage on my right.

Jesse James Decker performs America The Beautiful.

Video on Night One.

Mark Walhberg talks about how the sequel is almost never quite as good as the original, but it might be tonight. This is going to be all about the emotions and it’s not edge of your seat, but out of your seat. Points for doing a separate video instead of the same one again.

Here is HHH to get things going. He gets his full entrance and poses on every corner…before being handed a pair of boots. With the boots in the ring, he thanks the fans and welcomes us to Wrestlemania as pyro goes off. HHH goes over to hug his family (including Stephanie McMahon, his children and others) and leaves to the side of the ramp. This would be his retirement due to his heart issues and you can probably imagine he was going to have at least one more big match.

Gable Steveson is here again.

Raw Tag Team Titles: RKBro vs. Alpha Academy vs. Street Profits

RKBro is defending and these teams have been fighting over the titles for weeks, with only the Profits not winning them at some point. Otis cleans house to start before all six get in for the big brawl. With the ring clearing out, Ford hits the big running flip dive to the floor, followed by Gable moonsaulting onto almost everyone. Back in and Otis splashes Riddle but slaps him around instead of covering.

Gable comes in to work on Riddle’s leg but Riddle fights up. Ford is back in and gets over to Dawkins for the tag so house can be cleaned. Otis splashes Dawkins and Riddle but misses a charge into the corner. Riddle Bro To Sleeps Dawkins and Orton comes in to clean house. The Academy is dropped onto the announcers’ table but Otis is back up to take out everyone else. Gable is back up with a Steiner Bulldog for two on Ford but Dawkins breaks up a Vader Bomb.

The Profits hit a Doomsday Blockbuster on Gable before knocking Riddle outside. Dawkins blocks the RKO and hits a spinebuster on Orton before flip diving onto Otis. Ford loads up a frog splash….but Riddle springboards to the top to RKO him back down in an awesome spot. Not to be outdone, Gable goes up but Orton pulls him out of the air into the RKO to retain at 11:32.

Rating: B-. This was the usual wild triple threat match that would have felt fine on a big time house show. Watching Riddle and Orton hit one RKO after another is always fun as they really did have it down to a science. While it was entertaining, I couldn’t have told you this opened the show to save my life as it had absolutely no staying power.

Post match the Profits and RKO are ready to share a drink. Hold on though as they want Gable Steveson to join them. Steveson gets in, but Gable knocks the cup out of his hand. Orton and Riddle look stunned (Orton’s face is hilarious) as Steveson takes his shirt off. Gable demands respect as the ring clears out. Gable even has some advice for Steveson: SHHHHHHHHHHUSH! That earns him an overhead belly to belly and now the toasting can ensue.

Bobby Lashley vs. Omos

No MVP here despite him being Lashley’s manager. Omos powers him down to start and then drives Lashley face first into a knee. Lashley tries to power out of a head vice but gets clotheslined down instead. Omos hits a charge in the corner (or close to it, as he somehow missed a running splash) but Lashley starts hammering away. The Hurt Lock is blocked though and Omos clotheslines him down.

Lashley manages to catch him on the ropes and goes up, only to be pulled out of the air for a fireman’s carry slam. Back up and Lashley charges into a bearhug, which is driven hard into the corner. The bearhug goes on again but Lashley fights out again and slugs away. Somehow Lashley manages a suplex (egads) and a spear to the back sets up the regular version to finish Omos at 6:36.

Rating: C-. This was the spectacle match of the show and it was only so good. There are only so many things that Omos can do in the ring and Lashley made it work as well as it could. Not a good match but they did keep it short and it didn’t get too insane. The suplex worked as a big spot too so it could have been worse, as weak as it was.

We recap Johnny Knoxville vs. Sami Zayn. Knoxville was in the Royal Rumble to do publicity for his new Jackass movie and Zayn freaked out, sending him into an obsessive feud to destroy Knoxville once and for all. Then Knoxville fought back by having Zayn’s phone number flown on a banner above Los Angeles, resulting in Zayn receiving 60,000+ texts. The solution: an anything goes match.

Sami Zayn vs. Johnny Knoxville

Anything goes and Zayn kicks him in the face at the bell to start fast. They head outside with Zayn sending him into the barricade right in front of the Jackass crew. The crew goes after him, allowing Knoxville to come up with a fire extinguisher blast for a breather. Back in and Zayn busts out the cookie sheet to take over before switching over to a crutch. With that broken over Knoxville’s back, it’s time to bring in a table (of course).

Zayn goes for another table….and gets his hand caught in a mouse trap. It seems that there is a table covered in them (because reasons of Knoxville) and the delay lets Knoxville bang some trashcan lids around Zayn’s head. Knoxville sets up the table in the corner but gets suplexed through it instead. The helluva Kick is loaded up but Knoxville whips out an airhorn to cut it off.

Cue part of the Jackass crew, with a guy described as a party boy dancing and stripping (Cole: “It’s Naked Mideon 2.0!”). Zayn takes him out and Knoxville uses the distraction to grab a rollup for two. With the party boy kicked underneath the ring, Wee Man (he’s short) pops out and beats Zayn up, including a slam back inside (the place goes NUTS for that). Knoxville’s tornado DDT gets two as commentary is losing it over this whole thing.

Wee Man pulls out a machine with a boot attached and designed to kick someone low. Instead Zayn kicks him in the face and sends him outside before going up top. That’s fine with Knoxville, who whips out a remote control to spray pyro from the corner Zayn is standing on. With Zayn down in the corner, there’s a bowling ball between the legs and then the boot machine kicks him low again.

Knoxville whips out a tazer (sure) so Zayn runs….right into a giant hand that slaps him in the face. Back in and Zayn grabs a suplex before going up again. This time, Knoxville tongs him low and sends Zayn flying through the mousetrap table. Now the Jackass crew pulls out a giant mousetrap (just go with it) and Knoxville tazes Zayn onto it, with the trap springing for the pin (ignore Zayn’s shoulders being on the trap and not the mat) at 14:33.

Rating: B-. This is the definition of “it wasn’t for me”, but the stadium was going NUTS for the whole thing and they embraced everything insane about the whole thing. It was a total stunt show instead of a match (which is what it needed to be) and Zayn got wrecked by one stunt after another. I never need to see it again, but for a one off, it was goofy fun. Less than three weeks later, Zayn would need something to make him feel better after all this, so he started talking to the Bloodline. Not bad for a next step.

Here’s part of Drew McIntyre beating Happy Corbin last night and then cutting the ring ropes.

Women’s Tag Team Titles: Sasha Banks/Naomi vs. Carmella/Queen Zelina vs. Liv Morgan/Rhea Ripley vs. Natalya/Shayna Baszler

One fall and Carmella/Vega are defending. Banks and Naomi ride out in a rather expensive looking car while Liv and Rhea have something of a Catwoman/Donnie Darko theme. Ripley starts and no one wants to fight her until Banks comes in for the staredown. Banks gets powered down but comes back up with an armbar that doesn’t last long. Riptide is blocked and Banks realizes she needs to think twice here.

Naomi comes in but everything breaks down with most of the, going outside. Banks and Morgan both hit dives before going back inside for a staredown. Back to back Codebreakers rock Morgan and Oblivion makes it worse, only to have Natalya take Morgan down. Baszler comes in and stomps on Morgan’s leg as things slow back down. The leg cranking ensues before Carmella comes in to send Morgan into the corner.

Everything breaks down again with Carmella hurricanranaing Ripley off the top. Naomi and Banks hit double Eat Defeat on Morgan and go up, only to have it broken up. That means stereo Towers of Doom, with Morgan and Ripley handling the powerbombs. Everyone is down for a bit until Riptide into a backstabber gives Ripley two on Naomi.

Morgan breaks up Baszler’s cover on Naomi and gets faceplanted for her efforts. A Hart Attack is broken up and Carmella takes Naomi down for some near falls. Banks is back in with a frog splash to Carmella but Vega breaks up the Crossface. The Meteora from the apron hits Vega and Naomi kicks Carmella in the head. A wheelbarrow slam/Codebreaker combination hits Carmella to give Banks the pin and the titles at 10:50.

Rating: C. It wasn’t exactly great and as usual, there were so many people here that it might as well have been a free for all. The wrestling was only so good and the titles feeling so completely unimportant doesn’t help. These feel like thrown together teams fighting over the titles and that doesn’t quite make it feel Wrestlemania worthy. If these titles are supposed to mean something, stop having makeshift teams fighting over them. At least you now have a steady pair of hands in Naomi and Banks to hold them, as they should be fine for a long time to come.

We look back at Miz and Logan Paul beating the Mysterios and then breaking up because Paul wanted to leave as a good guy.

We recap Edge vs. AJ Styles. Edge wanted a special opponent so Styles accepted, only for Edge to go full villain and Conchairto him. Now Styles is back and wanting revenge.

AJ Styles vs. Edge

Styles is bleeding from the side of his face, apparently having hit himself on the set on the way in. Since it’s Wrestlemania, Edge rises up onto a throne surrounded by fire. They stare at each other to start until Styles starts knocking him away. The dropkick looks to set up the Calf Crusher but Edge is straight over to the ropes. Back up and Edge is sent outside, with Styles ramming him head first into the steps to make things more violent.

The springboard 450 hits raised knees back inside, with Edge holding his knee in something that rarely happens off of that counter. Edge’s knee is fine enough for the posing before he kicks away at Styles. The abdominal stretch goes on but Styles goes after the knee to break it up. A shoulder breaker cuts Styles down again though and they’re down long enough that we can look at some of the giant graphics for the match around the stadium.

Back up and Styles misses a hard charge into the corner and they’re both down again. Edge hits a Codebreaker onto the bad arm and it’s time to crank on both arms at once. Styles can’t Pele his way out of trouble as Edge pulls him into an STF, which he switches into a Crossface (sounds like a Samoa Joe fan). That’s broken up with a quick rope break and we slow down again.

Edge misses a spear and Styles grabs a slingshot DDT for the double knockdown (again). Styles goes up top but gets caught by Edge. That doesn’t work either, as Styles slips out and kicks the bad knee, setting up a torture rack spun into a powerbomb for two more. Edge is back up but charges into a German suplex to put them both down again. They slug it out until Styles manages a Pele Kick but the Calf Crusher is blocked again.

The Crossface has Styles in big trouble until he rolls his way to freedom. The Edge-O-Matic gives Edge two and a slingshot powerbomb gets the same. They both take their time getting up and head to the corner, where Styles superplexes him down onto the apron (ouch). Back in and the springboard 450 hits Edge’s back for two. The Phenomenal Forearm and spear both miss so Styles hits the Styles Clash for a rather near fall. Styles loads up the Phenomenal Forearm….but Damien Priest (US Champion at the time) is here to offer him a distraction. The delay lets Edge spear Styles out of the air for the pin at 24:26.

Rating: B. This was a good, hard hitting match that felt like it belonged on the big stage, but the double downs got a bit repetitive as they probably burned off five minutes of just laying on the mat. The distraction finish was a bit annoying as well as it just cut everything else off, but it certainly seemed to set up something for the future. Either way, best match of the night so far.

Tonight’s attendance: 78,354.

Byron Saxton replaces Pat McAfee, who has to get ready for his match with Austin Theory.

Brawling Brutes vs. New Day

Butch is here with the Brutes. New Day has Big E. inspired gear, even down to the singlets, for a nice touch. Butch loses his mind on the floor before the bell and the brawl is on inside. The bell rings and Kofi hits Trouble In Paradise on Holland. Sheamus pulls Kofi outside though, leaving Woods to make a save. Back in and Kofi seems to leave a top rope shot to the face a bit short as Woods takes the straps down.

A running Downward Spiral hits Holland but Sheamus Brogue Kicks Kofi on the floor. Back in and Woods superkicks Holland (he’s taking a beating here)…but Sheamus Brogue Kicks Woods silly. Northern Grit finishes Woods at 1:42. So Big E.’s career might have been ended and his team loses in less than two minutes at Wrestlemania. This place isn’t nice to New Day (as they lost to the League Of Nations here in 2016 as well).

We look back at Cody Rhodes returning and facing Seth Rollins. These recaps might as well have a big sign saying FILLER. Or PEACOCK COMMERCIALS.

The Hall of Fame class is honored again, with only Undertaker coming out in person. Undertaker comes out, waves, and that’s it. I’m not sure why this needed to happen two nights in a row and the way it happened again made me think it was going to be an angle but…yeah nothing, even after it goes on for a good while.

We recap Pat McAfee vs. Austin Theory. McAfee talks about everything he has accomplished from the NFL to his talk show, but he has always been a fan who wanted to wrestle. He even trained to wrestle with Rip Rogers before he came to WWE so he has a background. Vince McMahon was a guest on the Pat McAfee Show and offered McAfee a chance for a match. This wound up being against Theory, who has tormented him ever since, with McAfee chasing after him and annoying McMahon in the process.

Austin Theory vs. Pat McAfee

Vince McMahon personally introduces Theory (as a future Universal Champion). McAfee on the other hand has the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders with him in an appropriate entrance. Some right hands have Theory in trouble early but he goes to McAfee’s throat to cut him down. A jumping back elbow has Theory down again as the fans are rather into McAfee. There’s a hurricanrana for two but Theory plants him and smiles down at Vince.

McAfee manages a quick suplex for a breather and Theory heads out to the apron. They head outside and McAfee grabs a headset to say hi to his parents before pouring ice over Theory. Back in and a heck of a Swanton misses for McAfee so Theory grabs a belly to back slam for two.

Theory goes up but McAfee catches him on top, only to be shoved off. That’s fine with McAfee, who does a pretty sweet moonsault to land on his feet. A jump up to the top (that was cool) sets up a top rope superplex (McAfee shouldn’t be this good this soon) for a delayed two on Theory. Back up and Theory gets in a shot and tries A Town Down, which is countered into a rollup to give McAfee the pin at 9:43.

Rating: B. This was a heck of a celebrity match as McAfee got to show off his athleticism (that jump to the top into the superplex was very good). McAfee is one of those guys who seems to just “get” wrestling and that is one of the most valuable things anyone can have. McAfee had to win after the build to the match and it was good stuff, as McAfee can talk and actually back it up.

Post match McAfee celebrates and Vince is ticked. Vince is so ticked….that he takes his jacket off (the place is VERY interested). The shirt comes off and Vince gets in the ring (Cole: “WHY IS THERE A REFEREE IN THE RING???”). It seems that we’re doing this but Theory jumps McAfee from behind. Let’s ring that bell.

Vince McMahon vs. Pat McAfee

McMahon clotheslines him at the bell and then does it again, earning a YOU STILL GOT IT chant. The stall is on but McAfee Colts Up but McMahon distracts the referee, allowing Theory to crotch McAfee against the post. With McAfee down, McMahon gets a Dallas Cowboys football and punts it into McAfee’s stomach for the pin at 3:44.

Rating: D-. So that’s how the crowd gets killed after being on fire from the McAfee match. One might think it would have been a better idea to put Theory over if they wanted to go this way, but seeing McMahon in the ring for (probably) one last time is a special moment. That being said, this wasn’t a match for the most part and the ending was awful, but what else were you expecting?

Post match Vince and Theory hug and Vince seems a big scared by Theory’s music playing. Then the glass shatters and Vince has a better reason to be afraid. Steve Austin comes out, beats up Theory, gives McMahon the all time worst Stunner (as Vince falls down both before and after) and drinks beer (good thing it was ready in case he made a surprise appearance) with McAfee. Then he Stuns McAfee, who probably could not be more thrilled.

We look at Bianca Belair’s marching band entrance before she won the Raw Women’s Title.

Wrestlemania XXXIX is in Los Angeles.

We recap Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns in a World Title unification match. Reigns has been Universal Champion for a year and a Lesnar has held the title for about five minutes. Now they’re unifying them because Reigns vs. Lesnar must headline at least one major event every year until the end of time.

Universal Title/WWE Title: Roman Reigns vs. Brock Lesnar

Winner take all and Paul Heyman is here with Reigns (the Usos come to the ring with him but head to the back before the match). Heyman and Lesnar handle the intros (Lesnar has done that a time or two) before the latter takes off his gloves to start the match. Reigns hammers away and drives him into the corner a few times without much trouble. Three straight suplexes have Reigns in trouble and a clothesline puts him on the floor. Heyman offers a distraction though (Heyman: “I’ve always loved you. It was Roman’s idea!”) and Reigns hits a spear through the barricade.

Back in and Reigns hits another spear for two and a pair of Superman Punches drop Lesnar again. Lesnar is right back up with five German suplexes but the F5 is countered into a Superman Punch. Another spear is countered into the F5 to give Lesnar two of his own as they’re firmly in their signature formula here. Another F5 is countered and Reigns drives Lesnar into the referee in the corner.

A low blow and belt shot give Reigns two and Reigns spears him from behind (ala Lashley about two and a half hours ago, which commentary does note) for the same. Reigns tries another spear but lands in the Kimura, sending Reigns to the ropes this time. Reigns can be heard telling Heyman that his shoulder is “out”, only to spear Lesnar down for the pin at 12:17 (Heyman looked stunned on the pin).

Rating: C+. Yes the action was probably better than that but I’m so completely done with caring about these two having their same match over and over. WWE treated these two as the biggest stars in the company for so long that this is the only way they can finish Wrestlemania. That doesn’t make it interesting though, as Lesnar didn’t feel like a threat and they did the same match they have done almost every time after their first. But hey, at least the ultra dominant Reigns is now even more ultra dominant right? To be fair that wound up working, but finding a better way there would have been appreciated.

Reigns celebrates and a lot of pyro ends the show.

Overall Rating: B-. This was a weird one as there are good things about the show, but a lot of it feels like they were trying to fill in time. Too many of the matches came off as things that they needed to do rather than things they wanted to do and it made things a lot less interesting than the previous night. The good stuff is good and it had some moments (one more time for Austin and McMahon, the Knoxville/Zayn stuff and the title unification) but it felt like a pale comparison to Night One, which isn’t something to brag about whatsoever. Not a bad show at all, but you might want to pick and choose.

Overall Overall Rating: B. The show overall is good, but more of the good comes from Night One, which had the action to go with the moments. If they wanted to balance it out a lot more, moving Cody’s return to the other night would have helped, as outside of the main event, the second night didn’t have the deepest lineup. It’s a rather good Wrestlemania overall, but man it feels like an eternity has passed in the last year. Night One is definitely worth a watch though, as it feels like a Wrestlemania. Balance it out a bit and cut down on Night Two (or give us one really long night) and it’s that much better, but this did work.

 

Ratings Comparison

RKBro vs. Street Profits vs. Alpha Academy

Original: B-
Redo: B-

Omos vs. Bobby Lashley

Original: D+
Redo: C-

Johnny Knoxville vs. Sami Zayn

Original: C+
Redo: B-

Sasha Banks/Naomi vs. Natalya/Shayna Baszler vs. Carmella/Queen Zelina vs. Liv Morgan/Rhea Ripley

Original: D+
Redo: C

AJ Styles vs. Edge

Original: B-
Redo: B

New Day vs. Brawling Brutes

Original: N/A
Redo: N/A

Pat McAfee vs. Austin Theory

Original: C+
Redo: B

Vince McMahon vs. Pat McAfee

Original: D+
Redo: D-

Roman Reigns vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: C+
Redo: C+

Overall Rating

Original: C
Redo: B-

Overall Overall Rating

Original: B-
Redo: B

So the second night was mostly better across the board and then the overall overall rating is barely up? That’s a weird one, but this show was a better sit after a year away so maybe it does have some staying power.

Wrestlemania XXXVIII Night One
Date: April 2, 2022Beaut
Location: AT&T Stadium, Arlington, Texas
Attendance: 77,899
Commentators: Jimmy Smith, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, Michael Cole, Pat McAfee
America the Beautiful: Brantley Gilbert

I’m sure nothing has changed in the last year and that should make things all the more interesting. While I was in the stadium for this show, there are only certain parts of it that stand out as the two night structure leaves some things merging together. The show worked originally and now it is time to see how well it holds up. Let’s get to it.

I was in the stadium for this show, sitting in the next to highest section with the ring to my right.

Brantley Gilbert singes America The Beautiful.

Mark Wahlberg is in the opening video, talking about how this is the show where dreams are made. It’s the night of the big fight and nothing is better, because it’s STUPENDOUS. Yes that really is the best tag line they could find. This is designed to make Wrestlemania feel like the biggest show around and…yeah, well done.

Here are the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders. They don’t add anything, but there is the local flavor and the obvious appeal so it makes sense.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Shinsuke Nakamura/Rick Boogs

The Usos are defending and dang I miss Pat McAfee dancing on the announcers’ desk. Nakamura and Boogs earned the shot after Boogs beat Jey by faking a leg injury in a clever move. Nakamura kicks Jey down to start and hits the running knee to the ribs for one. Jey comes in off a blind tag though and it’s a top rope forearm to the chest/backbreaker combination to drop Nakamura.

Some strikes don’t get Nakamura out of trouble as Jey enziguris him down for two. The chinlock doesn’t last long as Nakamura fights up and brings in Boogs to clean house. Boogs muscles Jey up into a delayed vertical suplex for two. Jey gets caught in a fireman’s carry and Jimmy dives on top so Boogs holds them both up….until his knee buckles.

It’s off to Nakamura as Boogs goes outside holding his knee, which now has a torn quadriceps and patella tenon injury and would keep him out for nine months. Nakamura hits the sliding German suplex on Jey, who superkicks him down. Jimmy adds the Superfly Splash for two, followed by the 1D to retain at 6:54.

Rating: C. The injury makes this one hard to grade as it derailed everything they had going on. Boogs was great at getting the hot tag and cleaning house but that only goes so far when your leg more or less exploded. The rest of the match was good enough, but the injury is what is remembered here, as it changed everything they were doing. This already feels like a lifetime ago as Boogs was out and Nakamura has vanished again. That’s on top of the Usos evolving into the monster team with individual personalities they would become soon.

We recap Happy Corbin vs. Drew McIntyre. Corbin’s life fell apart last year in a hilarious story but then he gambled his way up to success and happiness. Then he and his associate Madcap Moss attacked Drew McIntyre to write him off TV due to an injury. McIntyre came back and beat up Moss and now it’s time to do the same to Corbin, who stole McIntyre’s sword to make it personal (don’t worry as McIntyre got it back). It wasn’t any more interesting the first time around.

Drew McIntyre vs. Happy Corbin

Madcap Moss is here with Corbin. McIntyre starts fast and they slug it out until a clothesline puts Corbin down. They go outside with Corbin being sent into the barricade, only to come back and send McIntyre into the post. A whip into the corner drops McIntyre again and a suplex lets Corbin yell some more.

Corbin hits a running shot to the face so Moss gets on the apron to cheer, allowing McIntyre to grab a spinebuster. There’s a neckbreaker to drop Corbin again but the Futureshock is blocked. Deep Six gives Corbin two more but Moss has to bail Corbin out of the threat of the Claymore.

That’s fine with McIntyre, who hits the big running flip dive over the top to the floor. Back in and the Glasgow Kiss sets up the missed Claymore, allowing Corbin to grab End of Days for two (the first ever kickout, because Corbin’s finisher needed to be protected for years). McIntyre has had it and hits the Futureshock into the Claymore for the pin at 8:38.

Rating: C-. This feud wasn’t interesting when it was taking place in real time and it wasn’t any better watching it back. Corbin just doesn’t feel like he is on the same level as McIntyre and there is no way around it. That left McIntyre in little more than an extended workout, which wasn’t an interesting watch. McIntyre needed to get out of this feud as soon as possible because it wasn’t working.

Post match McIntyre grabs the sword and threatens Moss before cutting the top and middle ropes apart.

We recap the Mysterios vs. Logan Paul/Miz. Dominik Mysterio beat Miz, who wasn’t happy about things. That made him bring in Paul for a partner, setting up the tag match.

Miz/Logan Paul vs. Mysterios

Miz and Paul have matching gear, though Miz’s doesn’t come with the world’s most expensive Pokemon card ever to be purchased in a private sale (That thing again?) around his neck. Rey and Miz start things off, with a Paul distraction letting Miz take him into the corner. It’s off to Paul to hammer on the ribs in the corner before Miz comes back in. A hurricanrana gets Rey out of trouble and it’s off to Dominik (who appears to be in gear inspired by Eddie Guerrero from When Worlds Collide), who drops Rey onto Miz.

The Mysterios clear the ring and Dominik hits a springboard twisting dive to drop Miz again. Paul gets in a cheap shot though and grabs a powerslam to plant Dominik. The villains fire off the YES Kicks to Dominik as the pace slows down. A Blockbuster gives Paul two on Dominik, who manages to knock down the rather cocky Miz. The diving tag brings in Rey to take over on Miz, including the top rope seated senton and a kick to the head for two. A moonsault press gets the same as Paul has to make a save this time.

Miz is ready for the 619 so Rey tornado DDTs him instead. Three Amigos are broken up though and Paul hits his own version (to some rather strong heat). The frog splash (with Eddie dance) gets two on Rey as Dominik has to make another save. Dominik dives onto Miz on the floor and it’s a double 619 back inside. Back to back frog splashes hit Paul….but Miz grabs a quick Skull Crushing Finale to finish Rey at 11:15.

Rating: B-. This is almost all about Paul, as the Mysterios and Miz were doing their usual things. Paul came off like a total natural who just gets it when it comes to wrestling. The fact that he is an exceptional athlete makes it even better. This was one of the best celebrity matches you’ll ever see and Paul backed up everything he had been saying for the entire build to the match.

Post match Miz and Paul pose….and Miz turns on Paul to take him out. This was designed to make Paul a good guy, which is quite the path to take.

And now, Stephanie McMahon joins us to thank the fans for being here. She also brings out Gable Steveson to….wave! Yeah this has happened a few times for Steveson without him actually having a match. I’m sure he’ll be fine.

We recap Bianca Belair vs. Becky Lynch for the Raw Women’s Title. Lynch returned and beat Belair at Summerslam in less than a minute to win the (Smackdown Women’s, but it doesn’t exactly matter) title. Belair needs to prove herself again and now she is getting her chance in the big scheduled match (rather than the impromptu title change at Summerslam). There was also a weird thing involving hair cuts and it really didn’t add much. This has been a really well built feud and feels like a major, Wrestlemania worthy showdown.

Raw Women’s Title: Bianca Belair vs. Becky Lynch

Becky is defending and gets a huge entrance, with a Marvel Cinematic Universe style highlight package before her entrance. She even rides out in a Cadillac Escalade for a bonus. Belair on the other hand comes out to the full Texas State University marching band for a Wrestlemania worthy entrance. Belair’s gear looks awesome too, with the red and black theme and a pair of lips as the top.

They stare each other down until Becky hits her with a right hand and the Manhandle Slam (how she won at Summerslam) for two. Becky goes for some very rapid fire covers and the kickouts have her even more annoyed. A small package frustrates Becky even more but she’s fine enough to reverse a suplex into a DDT (that looked good) for two more. A moonsault (a rare move for Becky) misses though and Belair is right back with her own Disarm-Her.

They fight over rollups for two each until Becky kicks her in the ribs. Becky gets serious by using the hair to pull her to the floor and Belair is shoved hard into the steps. Back in and Belair is sent flying with a suplex as things slow way down. The Fameasser in the ropes gets two on Belair and it’s already time for Becky to get frustrated. The chinlock goes on before Becky tries an armbar, only to get powered up so they can crash out to the floor.

Belair muscles her up for a suplex (with a hard landing) and they go back inside to slug it out. A backbreaker gives Belair two but her powerbomb is countered into a rollup for two. Belair grabs a release Glam Slam, setting up the handspring moonsault for another near fall. Becky catches her on top but Belair manages to reverse into a fireman’s carry drop HARD onto the top rope for a heck of a crash. Belair’s middle rope 450 gets two but Becky knocks her down.

A Molly Go Round is left a bit short though, with Becky’s foot slamming into Belair’s face for two (followed by the referee checking Belair for….well probably quite a few things). Belair is back with a spinebuster but the handspring moonsault hits knees. Belair tries another Glam Slam but gets reversed into a cradle. That’s reversed into another cradle, which is kicked off to send Belair into the corner.

Back up and Belair KOD’s her out to the floor (might work better in the Royal Rumble but it looked good here too). Becky goes for the hair and Manhandle Slams her onto the steps for a nasty crash. That’s good for a nine count and Becky is LIVID. A super Manhandle Slam is loaded up but Belair flips out and hits the KOD for the pin and the title at 19:03.

Rating: A-. I loved it live, I loved it later that night at the hotel and I loved it a year later. This was a BATTLE that felt like a major showdown between two women who wanted to destroy each other and prove that they were the best. It completes Belair’s redemption and seeing Becky FINALLY get pinned made it feel like an even bigger moment. Awesome showdown here and one of the best women’s matches WWE has ever had.

Post match Becky collapses to the floor and looks up as Belair poses with the title on top for an incredible visual (it looks good on TV but it was even better in person).

We recap Seth Rollins vs. a mystery opponent. Rollins was given the annual ridiculous treatment of “how is this former multiple time World Champion and one of the biggest stars we have going to have a Wrestlemania match?”. After losing over and over in attempts to get on the card, Vince McMahon said he can go to Wrestlemania (Vince: “All you had to do was ask.”) but it will be against an opponent of Vince’s choosing. I see no way in which this can go badly.

Seth Rollins vs. ???

Rollins is sung to the ring by a choir and then has to wait for a good while. Some pyro finally goes off and the lights go dark before……”Wrestling has more than one royal family”! Cody Rhodes is back (complete with riser entrance and the Kingdom theme), leaving Rollins smiling and then glaring. This was INCREDIBLE live and a genuine Wrestlemania moment where you could feel the energy and the excitement (which I still pop up on YouTube every so often). Cody had been rumored as the opponent and it made for an outstanding moment. You can see how much it means to Cody and this is some great stuff.

Sidenote before we get to the match: who is the royal family that Rhodes is referring to in the opening? I get that he means the Rhodes family, but is he talking about the McMahons? Is there another family that would count at that level? I’m not sure who else it could be and it would make sense for Rhodes to have that mindset once he left WWE (not so much once he came back, but it’s part of the Cody presentation).

Anyway, the fans are VERY happy to see Cody back, even as he shakes the referee’s hand. Feeling out process to start with Rhodes grabbing a headlock and then turning a cartwheel to get inside Rollins’ head a bit. Rollins is sent into the corner and now the CODY chants seem to be getting to him.

Back up and Rollins tries a suplex but crashes over the top rope, leaving both of them down on the floor. They head back inside with Rhodes working on an armbar into a short armscissors. With that broken up, Rhodes goes up to but gets dropkicked out of the air, meaning Rollins can start in on the ribs. A gutbuster gets one and Rollins grabs a bearhug, which always looks weird from someone who isn’t huge.

Cody fights out and knocks him outside, which of course means the suicide dive to send Rollins over the barricade (for a huge bump). Back in and a moonsault press (which doesn’t quite connect properly) gives Cody two more and they both need a breather. Rollins rolls outside and this time pulls Cody down for a barricade bomb (ouch, as always). A springboard knee to the head and the basement superkick into the Falcon arrow (nice sequence) gives Rollins two more and they’re both down again.

The Stomp is countered into the Cross Rhodes for a very close two and Cody goes up top. That takes too long though and Rollins crotches him down, setting up the reverse superplex, which is rolled into the reverse suplex for another two. Rollins’ Pedigree is blocked but so is Cody’s, leaving Cody to settle for a tiger bomb instead.

The Cody Cutter gets two but Rollins snaps off a Pedigree for the same. Some hard shots to the face and another to the back of the head put Cody down. That doesn’t seem to matter though as Rollins takes too long to follow up, allowing Cody to snap off back to back Cross Rhodes. That’s not enough for a cover though as it’s a Flip Flop and Fly into the Bionic Elbow. One more Cross Rhodes finishes Rollins at 21:31.

Rating: B+. This was another great match and it felt like it belonged on Wrestlemania. Rhodes had to prove that he could hang with this kind of talent and beating a multiple time World Champion in Rollins is a great choice. Rhodes fought through the rib injury and hung with Rollins every step of the way before finishing him off. They had a heck of a match here and it would kick off an even better feud for the first half of the year.

Cody celebrates for a long time, including his signature kissing of the mat.

We look back at the Hall of Fame induction ceremony. I’m still getting used to it being in the ring, but I think I like it better. It still feels wrong to hear the name Mark Calaway on WWE TV though. Undertaker wrapped up his speech by saying “never say never”. At his Q&A session with fans that weekend, he said Vince asked what exactly that meant. Undertaker: “Vince, no. We’re not going there.”

This year’s class is presented:

Steiner Brothers (WAY overdue)
Shad Gaspard (perfect Warrior Award winner)
Queen Sharmell (sure why not)
Vader (again, way overdue)
Undertaker (eh he’s ok)

Undertaker gets the big entrance and comes out to pose, which seems like an excuse for one more Wrestlemania entrance and….well sure, as it’s still one of the coolest things ever in wrestling. Not so cool: the CGI Undertaker, which feels so out of place for something like this. Just let his entrance speak for himself.

We look back at Rick Boogs’ knee injury and see him carried out of the stadium. He officially has a torn quadriceps and a patella injury.

Tonight’s attendance: 77,899.

We recap Charlotte vs. Ronda Rousey for Charlotte’s Smackdown Women’s Title. Charlotte is the most successful woman in WWE history. Rousey returned at the Royal Rumble and won the title shot, setting up what is described as a huge showdown after a collision course. Charlotte has also beating Rousey up multiple times on the way here, which should set up a big revenge beating. Charlotte having a title match at Wrestlemania is rather played out at this point. Then again Rousey hasn’t exactly been inspiring since her return so it’s almost a wash.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Charlotte vs. Ronda Rousey

Charlotte is defending. Rousey powers her straight into the corner to start but Charlotte gets in a cheap shot behind the referee to take over. It’s too early for the ankle lock but Charlotte can’t get the Figure Four either. Rousey knees her in the head and grabs a choke with her legs over the rope. Since that can’t last long, Charlotte knees her down and hits a backbreaker on the apron to take over.

A hard posting sets up a right hand/elbow for two on Rousey back inside. Rousey can strike as well and hits a knee to the face, only to get sent face first into the buckle. Charlotte misses a knee though and Rousey snaps off a tornado DDT. With Rousey getting fired up, Charlotte spears her down for two and they both need a second. The moonsault kind of connects to give Charlotte two but Rousey is right back with a suplex.

Charlotte is fine enough to tie her in the Tree of Woe, where she grabs a Boston Crab of all things. You don’t do that to Rousey, who pulls her way up and…gets forearmed right back down. Rousey gets back up and hits a super judo throw for two as frustration is setting in (much like those chops, which have the top of Rousey’s chest VERY banged up). Piper’s Pit connects but it’s too early for the armbar.

Instead Charlotte kicks her in the face as Rousey gets cut off again (and again and again). A slam (kind of a snap hiptoss) gives Rousey two and now the ankle lock can go on. Charlotte reverses that (I’m stunned) into an ankle lock but gets sent into the buckle for the break. The armbar is countered into a powerbomb for two but Rousey is right back with the ankle lock, including a kneebar. Charlotte kicks that off for another break, only to have the Figure Four countered into an armbar.

That’s reversed into the Figure Eight, which is countered as Rousey turns it over. They fight to the apron where Rousey flips her down to the floor, only to charge into a fall away slam into the barricade. Back in and they glare at each other until Rousey snaps off a Piper’s Pit for two, as Charlotte gets a foot on the rope. Rousey yells at the referee enough that Charlotte can grab Natural Selection for two, leaving frustration to set in. Charlotte gets kicked into the referee so there is no one to see Charlotte tap to the armbar. Rousey goes to check on the referee, allowing Charlotte to boot her in the face to retain at 18:24.

Rating: B. It was a rather good and hard hitting match, but is anyone surprised that Charlotte is the first one to pin Rousey in a singles match? This match featured Charlotte taking Rousey out and cutting her off time after time, which isn’t the biggest stretch, but it certainly was deflating. Rousey got in some visible falls, but egads it was hard to take Charlotte winning AGAIN, as Rousey’s momentum (whatever there was of it) is cut off at the knees.

Night Two rundown.

Video on Roman Reigns vs. Brock Lesnar, tomorrow night’s main event.

Wrestlemania XXXIX is in Los Angeles.

We recap Steve Austin being the guest on the Kevin Owens Show. Owens has been insulting Texas for months and he finally invited Austin onto the show. Austin cut a rather fired up promo about how he wrestled his last match nineteen years ago but Owens has lit a fire in him that has been out for a long time. Violence has been all but guaranteed, though no match was officially announced.

Here is Kevin Owens (with yet another awesome KO Mania shirt, this time based on the Ultimate Challenge at Wrestlemania VI) for the Kevin Owens Show (because the glass ceiling can in fact be shattered through hard work). Owens talks about how much he hates Texas but some people have suggested that he apologize. That is in fact what he does….for saying the absolute truth about Texas.

Now the people here much be waiting for him to bring out his guest, but we’re going to wait on that for a bit. Owens doesn’t want to hear about Austin being mad, because he will beat Austin up and drop him with a Stunner. As Owens is ready to insult Texas some more, cue glass shatter and MY GOODNESS the reaction to Austin is on another planet. Austin walks back and forth but then goes through the entrance to get his ATV (ok fair enough).

After a few laps, Austin gets in the ring and wrecks the set, leaving only the two chairs (and Owens). Hold on though as Austin has to get the off the charts hero’s welcome….until Owens tells him to take a seat (giving us a great Austin glare into the camera). They finally sit down and Austin isn’t happy with just wanting to have a conversation. Therefore, Austin insults Owens’ hair so Owens rips on Texas some more. Austin: “You’re about to have 75,000 people calling you an a******.”

Owens has to admit that he has been lying, because he didn’t call Austin out here for a talk. Even though Owens has a bad back, he is here to challenge Austin to a match. Sure it has been 19 years and Austin’s neck, knees and back were shot back then. Actually let’s make it a no holds barred match, which has Austin looking around a bit. There is some great stuff from Austin here, as you can see him thinking about it really hard.

Austin doesn’t say anything so Owens tells him that if he knows he can’t beat him, get his beer and go back to his ranch. That just makes the AUSTIN chants all the louder and he looks around quite a bit. Austin says he wrestled his first match in Dallas, Texas….and he could have his last match right here in Dallas, Texas (the fans like that). As he asks for the H*** YEAH, you can see Austin’s hand shaking….and he wants a referee. I’m not even an Austin fan and I was losing it at the idea that I was actually going to see this live, which is the kind of feeling that you do not get that often in wrestling (or anything for that matter).

Steve Austin vs. Kevin Owens

No Holds Barred. They stare each other down to start and Austin wins the slugout and stomps the mudhole (with a brief look to the crowd) in the corner. Austin sends him hard into the corner but let’s stop for some beer. Another mudhole is stomped and Austin sends him over the top to the floor. More beer drinking ensues (and yes it is Austin’s beer) and Austin turns him inside out with a clothesline (you know Owens is going to bump as much as he can here).

Owens manages a posting and right hands but takes too long setting up a table against the barricade. Austin whips him through it instead and NOW you can see the old eyes coming out. They fight into the crowd and Owens suplexes him on the concrete (I never would have bet on Austin taking that big of a bump).

Now it’s Owens being a bit fired up himself and they head back to ringside, where Owens is slammed onto the announcers’ table. More beer is consumed as Austin gets to hammer away on the table (Graves: “If Popeye had his spinach, Austin has his Steveweisers!”). Owens gets in a shot of his own and goes over to the ATV, which he can’t start. That takes too long as Austin is there to hammer away….and they go riding up the ramp.

Austin suplexes him on the stage (Owens’ sell is great) and then takes him to the other side of the stage for a second suplex. We pause for Austin to soak all of his in (yeah fair) before Austin throws him down the ramp. They get inside with Owens hitting a quick Stunner for two before grabbing a chair. The chair hits the top rope and bounces back into Owens’ face, setting up the Stunner to give Austin the pin at 13:58.

Rating: B. Special. That is the word that you could feel throughout this entire thing and my goodness it holds up on another viewing. Whether you are a fan of his or not, there is no way to deny how big of a star Austin was or what he meant to wrestling. Seeing Austin come back after NINETEEN YEARS and have an actual match rather than some two minute segment disguised as a match was amazing. Austin deserves this kind of treatment and I can’t even imagine what this meant to a lifelong fan like Owens. I would absolutely love to see his face when he was told that he would be in this spot, as it would have been incredible.

Oh yeah the match itself. This was a hard hitting fight that felt like a callback to the Attitude Era. That was the only thing they could do, as there was no way to have Austin wrestle a normal match. They beat each other up for the better part of fifteen minutes here and it was a heck of a fight, with Austin looking like an older version of his normal self. This was pretty amazing and my goodness it actually gave me chills.

Post match Austin drinks a lot of beer and throws one to his brother in the crowd. Owens gets another Stunner and is taken out by some Texas police (complete with hats). Austin says it’s great to be back in Dallas and hits the catchphrase. Byron Saxton is called into the ring and gets Stunnered (you can see/hear the utter joy from Corey Graves in a great moment). Austin’s brother gets in the ring for some beer and the big celebration ends the show. After it was over, Austin took some laps in the ATV before leaving for good to end the night.

Overall Rating: A-. This show started off slowly but after the second match, everything took off and it was one awesome match after another. What mattered the most though was it felt like a Wrestlemania, with some great moments like Belair winning the title, Rhodes’ return and the Austin stuff to cap it all off. All in all, this was one of the better Wrestlemanias in a good while and it kept me interested all night. Well done, as WWE continues to know how to make the big shows work.

Ratings Comparison

Usos vs. Shinsuke Nakamura/Rick Boogs

Original: C
Redo: C

Drew McIntyre vs. Baron Corbin

Original: C
Redo: C-

Miz/Logan Paul vs. Mysterios

Original: C
Redo: B-

Becky Lynch vs. Bianca Belair

Original: B+
Redo: A-

Seth Rollins vs. Cody Rhodes

Original: B+
Redo: B+

Ronda Rousey vs. Charlotte

Original: B-
Redo: B

Steve Austin vs. Kevin Owens

Original: B
Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: B+
Redo: A-

It was a very good show to start and it actually improved a year later. Nice job.

 

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Wrestlemania XXIV
Date: March 30, 2008
Location: Citrus Bowl, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 74,365
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Jonathan Coachman, Joey Styles, Tazz

This show has had a pretty strong build as the card has been all but set for a few weeks now. The bigger matches include Big Show vs. Floyd Mayweather Jr. and Edge defending the Smackdown World Title against the Undertaker, plus the Raw World Title triple threat match as Randy Orton defends against John Cena and HHH. Throw in Shawn Michaels trying to end Ric Flair’s career and that’s a heck of a card. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Battle Royal

Elijah Burke, The Miz, Chuck Palumbo, Snitsky, Deuce, Tommy Dreamer, Shannon Moore, Jamie Noble, Kofi Kingston, Festus, Cody Rhodes, Lance Cade, Hardcore Holly, Jesse, Stevie Richards, Trevor Murdoch, The Brian Kendrick, The Great Khali, Jimmy Wang Yang, Domino, Mark Henry, Val Venis, Kane, Jim Duggan

The winner gets an ECW Title match later in the show. The bell rings so Festus snaps, allowing him to toss out Deuce and Domino rather quickly. Khali tosses Duggan and Burke gets rid of Richards, only to get eliminated by Kane. Miz, Yang, Moore and Jesse go out in a hurry, with Venis going out somewhere in there.

Murdoch, Festus, Kendrick and Cage go as well as the ring clears out VERY fast. Henry throws Kingston on top of the pile, followed by Noble (who tries to walk on the eliminated bodies but gets knocked down), Rhodes and Palumbo. A bunch of people get rid of Khali, Dreamer and Holly, leaving us with Henry, Kane and Snitsky. Kane gets rid of Snitsky, slips away from Henry and kicks him out for the win/title shot.

Rating: D. This is one of those “let’s get everyone on the DVD” matches and they didn’t bother wasting time with anything else. Kane winning is a fine way to go as he is pretty easily the biggest name in the match. There is almost no reason to not put the title on him later in the night and at least they didn’t waste time announcing the title match in advance, as Chavo Guerrero vs. Kane is hardly some huge showdown.

John Legend sings the America the Beautiful.

The opening video talks about how important it is to be here, as well how much has changed in a year. It’s not do much a sequel to last year, as much as it is the grand culmination of a rather eventful year. Cool video, as WWE nails these most of the time.

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Finlay

Belfast Brawl (street fight) and kind of a weird choice for an opener. JBL gets the limo entrance and we look at a quick recap of JBL attacking Hornswoggle (Finlay’s son) as Vince McMahon’s mercenary. As you might expect, Hornswoggle is back as well. They start the fight on the floor with JBL getting the better of things before the bell. Finlay reverses a whip into the steps and they’re back inside for the bell.

That means it’s time to go outside for some weapons, with JBL grabbing a trashcan for a heck of a shot to Finlay’s head. The steps are brought in but JBL gets backdropped off of them for a crash. JBL hammers him back down and grabs the shillelagh but Hornswoggle gets in a kendo stick shot for the save. Finlay shillelaghs JBL down and the fans are rather pleased, with Finlay pulling out a table to make them even happier.

With the table up in the corner, a heck of a clothesline drops JBL again but he goes outside and slaps Hornswoggle. Finlay goes nuts and unloads on JBL, who manages to grab a trashcan lid. The suicide dive (oh dear) is lidded out of the air and JBL even kicks Hornswoggle down. Back in and a trashcan shot to the head puts JBL down for a change, setting up the spear through the table. Finlay grabs the steps but JBL knocks out his knee, sending Finlay face first into them. The Clothesline From JBL finishes Finlay off.

Rating: B-. It wasn’t a classic but they beat each other up rather well and started the show off pretty well. It’s a bit weird to see JBL win as the villain comes out on top, but at the same time he’s a much bigger star than Finlay. Even from fighting underneath, Finlay beating JBL would have been a big upset. It might have been the better result though, but at least it was a solid opener.

Kim Kardashian is the guest host and talks about the Money In The Bank ladder match. Mr. Kennedy interrupts to say he’ll win again this year to become the first ever back to back winner. Kardashian laughs at him repeating his name.

John Morrison vs. Carlito vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. CM Punk vs. Mr. Kennedy vs. Chris Jericho vs. MVP

Money In The Bank. Everyone but MVP bails to the floor to go for a ladder to start, leaving MVP to steal one of the ladder that slides in. Some shots to the face put various other people down but here is Jericho with the big ladder. That means a ladder off (?) with MVP being knocked outside, leaving Morrison to pick up a ladder and moonsault down with it onto the pile (there’s a highlight reel moment).

Back in and Jericho cuts off Kennedy’s climb but catapults him into the ladder in a bit of a mistake. Kennedy can’t get the briefcase so Morrison jumps onto the ladder for the slugout. Benjamin sets up his own ladder and joins the two of them, setting up a sunset bomb into a Tower Of Doom (geez) off the ladders. Carlito breaks up Benjamin’s climb and hits him with the GTS. MVP comes in to knock some people down but misses a running boot in the corner.

It’s Carlito getting pulled down this time so Benjamin Dragon Whips him down. Benjamin goes up until Carlito and Kennedy shove his ladder over…sending him through a bridged ladder at ringside. Kennedy, Carlito and Jericho go up but MVP shoves the ladder over, only to be taken out by Morrison as the carnage continues. Jericho gets the Walls on Morrison on top of the ladder (geez that looks painful/scary) until he has to stop Kennedy.

Hold on though as Carlito and Punk springboard onto the ladders, setting up the big crashes, including Carlito’s super Backstabber to Jericho. That leaves MVP all alone so he goes up but Matt Hardy (in gear) runs in to make the save and reignite their feud. A super Twist of Fate brings MVP off the ladder and Matt runs off through the crowd, leaving Jericho to wedge two ladders together, making kind of a big V (Daddy not included).

Morrison goes up and gets knocked down just as fast, including a crotching on top. Jericho’s climb is cut off by an apple to the face but Kennedy shoves Carlito into a ladder in the corner. Punk makes the save but gets Codebreakered into a ladder to leave everyone down. That lets Jericho go up until Punk starts the slugout. Punk gets smart by tying Jericho’s leg in the ladder and gets the briefcase for the win.

Rating: B. Yeah these matches can be interchangeable but dang they are a lot of fun. This was another spotfest and Punk winning the briefcase is about as big of an endorsement as he could have gotten here. I’d still like to see one or two fewer people in there but Benjamin getting taken out softened things a bit. Heck of a fun match and that’s all it needed to be.

We see the video from last night’s Hall Of Fame induction ceremony.

Here is the Class Of 2008 (dang that music is still great):

Brisco Brothers (how Jack wasn’t in already is beyond me)
Gordon Solie (you can’t forget that voice)
Rocky Johnson (complete with a shuffle)
Peter Maivia (I hear he’s a family man)
Eddie Graham (had to be inducted in Florida)
Mae Young (again, how was she not in before)
Ric Flair (who thankfully isn’t here to tell us about how great he is)

Snoop Dogg is having a great time here so far and he has found someone he sees eye to eye with, from movies to food to cars to everything. That would be Festus but Santino Marella comes in to threaten Snoop….who whips out a bell to send Festus after Santino. Todd Grisham asks where the bell came from so here is Mick Foley, complete with Mr….would it be Snoopo?

Batista vs. Umaga

Smackdown vs. Raw so Theodore Long and William Regal are here. Batista powers him into the corner to start and a shoulder sends Umaga outside for a breather. Back in and a spinwheel kick drops Batista for a change, followed by a splash to the back for two. The nerve hold goes on, which seems a bit early for this one. With that broken up, a powerslam from Umaga sets up…another nerve hold. The Samoan drop gives Umaga two but the Samoan Spike is blocked. Umaga misses a charge into the post, gets spinebustered, and the Batista Bomb (with Batista falling backwards) finishes him off.

Rating: D. Oh this was bad, as it was Batista laying around a lot and then doing his two big finishers. They had built this up as a big match and Batista barely did anything for most of the match. While Umaga had fallen a long way, he was able to do more than this. Normally I would complain about their lack of time, but I don’t want to imagine how much worse this would have been if it had gone longer. Pretty awful match.

We look at the tale of the tape for Big Show vs. Floyd Mayweather Jr.

We look at Kane becoming the new #1 contender to the ECW World Title on the pre-show.

ECW World Title: Chavo Guerrero vs. Kane

Chavo is defending and loses the title to a chokeslam in a record eleven seconds. That’s how it should have gone as there was no reason to believe Chavo would be a threat to Kane.

Here’s the Carlito/Maria ad for the show you’re already watching. Weird.

Raven Symmone is very loud and introduces a bunch of Make-A-Wish kids. That’s always cool. The kids, not Symmone.

We recap Ric Flair vs. Shawn Michaels. Flair is still on his winning streak, as he has to retire whenever he loses his next match, so now he wants to face one of the best ever in Shawn, or he doesn’t want to be here anymore. Shawn thinks he has to put Flair down, but Flair isn’t about to go down without a fight. This include an AMAZING tribute video to Flair, set to Leave The Memories Alone. I’m not a Flair fan but dang this worked well.

Flair says his game plan is to be the man. WOO!

Ric Flair vs. Shawn Michaels

Flair retires if he loses. Shawn takes him down to start and teases a strut but Flair is back up with a hammerlock. That’s reversed into one from Shawn and they get up for a standoff, complete with WOO. Flair takes him into the corner and brings up the Old Yeller line, earning a shot to the face from Shawn (busting a lip in the process).

A quick slugout goes to Shawn so he goes up top, only to get slammed off. Flair goes up and hits the high crossbody for two in a Starrcade 83 callback. Back up and Shawn sends him outside again, only to have an Asai moonsault hit the edge of the announcers’ table (as in not Flair) to do some serious damage to his ribs. The count is beaten so Flair goes right after the ribs, including a suplex for two.

Shawn knocks him outside again though and hits the moonsault off the top for another knockdown. Back in and they chop it out again until Michaels hits the flying forearm into the nipup. The top rope elbow hits Flair but Shawn can’t bring himself to fire the superkick. You don’t do that to Flair, who grabs the Figure Four, which is turned over without much trouble. Shawn sunset flips him for two more but Flair is right back to the leg, as is his bread and butter.

There’s the Figure Four again and this time it stays on a lot longer. The rope is grabbed to get Shawn out of trouble and he nails Sweet Chin Music out of nowhere. A very delayed cover gets two so Shawn loads it up again, only to have Flair fall down. Shawn’s attempt at picking him up earns himself the required low blow for two but Flair can’t follow up either.

Instead, Shawn pulls him into that inverted Figure Four of his, sending Flair to the rope for a change. They chop it out from their knees until Shawn hits another Sweet Chin Music. Shawn won’t cover so he goes to the corner, with Flair getting back up. Flair says bring it, so Shawn says “I’m Sorry, I Love You” and superkicks him for the pin.

Rating: B. This is a weird one to rate as it is a farewell for Flair, but not exactly a classic. At the end of the day, Flair has been able to wrestle a completely acceptable match for a long time now but there is a big gap between that and hanging in there on this level. It didn’t exactly feel like a classic and the drama was limited, but what we got was certainly good. The problem is that when you think of Flair vs. Michaels on the stage of Wrestlemania, you expect a bit more than “good”. That being said, Flair gets to out with a solid match on the grand stage against a legend. What more could you reasonably ask for?

Shawn immediately leaves so Flair can have the big moment. Flair kisses and hugs his family and makes the long walk up the aisle before blowing one last kiss to the crowd. Yeah it’s an emotional moment, as like him or not, Flair is still a legend and one of the last links to the glory days of the 70s/80s.

Edge talks about being at Wrestlemania VI and seeing Hulk Hogan lose in the main event. It was ok though, because it has come full circle and now he is here again. See, everyone can count on the Undertaker at Wrestlemania but tonight, he takes everything away from them, just like Hogan losing took it away from him. That makes sense.

Fireworks go off.

Maria/Ashley vs. Beth Phoenix/Melina

This is the Playboy Bunnymania match, meaning a lumberjill match with Snoop Dogg as the Master of Ceremonies. Naturally Snoop comes to the ring in what looks like a Mercedes golf cart, with most of the women following him. Santino Marella is here with the villains. Ashley drives Beth into the corner to start so Maria can come in. Melina gets sent to the floor for a quick beating from the lumberjills, setting up Maria’s Bronco Buster back inside.

Ashley comes back in and gets caught in the wrong corner. A trip to the floor goes badly for Ashley as well and Beth grabs the bearhug. With that broken up, Beth electric chairs Melina into a moonsault onto Ashley (not bad) for a near fall….and the lights go out. As in an actual lights issue, not an Undertaker cameo.

We get a spotlight as Maria (now legal) hits a crossbody for two on Beth. The Glam Slam is countered into a bulldog for two and Beth’s spear hits Melina by mistake. Ashley dives off the apron onto a bunch of lumberjills, leaving Maria to hit a top rope bulldog for two on Beth, with Santino making the save. Jerry Lawler gets up and decks Santino but Beth hits the fisherman’s buster to pin Maria.

Rating: D. Well ok then. This is one of those matches that was never going to be very good in the first place, but then it got a bit more time than I was expecting (even at five minutes) and the villains win. The match was supposed to be little more than goofy fun and you can’t have Maria get in a rollup for the pin? Just a rather weird choice and I’m not sure why they went this way.

Post match Snoop Dogg drops Santino and kisses Maria.

We recap the Raw World Title match, with Randy Orton defending against John Cena and HHH. Cena and HHH are both coming back from major injuries, with Orton having risen to the top during their absences. Now both of them are back to win the title at Wrestlemania, but Orton doesn’t quite see it that way.

Raw World Title: Randy Orton vs. John Cena vs. HHH

Orton is defending and Cena’s big entrance this year is a marching band playing him to the ring (that’s rather cool). The bell rings and Orton hits HHH with the bell before brawling with Cena. HHH gets back up and takes Orton outside to beat him over the announcers’ table, followed by the sleeper back inside. Cena picks both of them up but HHH slips out and kicks him low. Orton is back up as well and knocks HHH down to stomp away at both of them.

Cena catches Orton up top but a HHH distraction lets Orton reverse into a sunset flip for two. Another hard shot puts HHH down and Orton hits a double hanging DDT. The RKO to Cena is countered with a shove, leaving Orton to land on HHH. The Throwback hits Orton and the top rope Fameasser takes him down again. Back up and HHH goes after Orton’s knee and slowly stomps away. Cena’s distraction lets the RKO drop HHH but Cena pulls Orton into the STFU.

Orton is about to tap so HHH grabs his hand and pulls it to the rope in a smart move. A whip into the steps takes Cena down and HHH grabs the Indian Deathlock on Orton, because of course he has to do that. Cena sends HHH over the ropes and grabs the STFU on Orton again, only to have HHH make another save. HHH grabs a crossface on Cena but gets broken up, meaning it’s time for the slugout. The FU and Pedigree are both broken up so HHH hits a face/spinebuster. Another shot to the knee takes Orton down and there’s the Pedigree to Cena….but Orton Punts HHH and pins Cena to retain the title.

Rating: B-. It’s an interesting way to go to have Orton retain, but if you want him to have him feel like a bigger main event, giving him the win at Wrestlemania makes as much sense as anything else. Orton can drop the title to one of them alter if he has to but for now, he gets the win that he needs. The match wasn’t exactly great though and felt like almost any other big time triple threat, with one person being out for most of it so the others could fight. Then Orton stole the pin, which is far too common of a finishing sequence in something like this. Not awful, but I’d call it pretty disappointing.

We recap Big Show vs. Floyd Mayweather Jr., in a package that is cut from Peacock, likely for music. Mayweather broke Show’s jaw with a punch at No Way Out so Show is trying to take him out. This is billed as the Best Fighter In The World vs. the Largest Athlete In The World and is as McMahon Freak Show style as you can get.

Big Show vs. Floyd Mayweather Jr.

Pinfall, submission or knockout only. Mayweather comes out with his entourage and makes money rain from the sky for a festive entrance. The bell rings and Mayweather, in boxing gloves runs away to start before hitting a few shots to the ribs. Hold on though as Mayweather needs water (from a chalice, because of course) so Show beats up part of the entourage.

Back in and Mayweather goes for the right hand to the face but Show pulls it out of the air. The big stomp on the hand misses so Show grabs him by the throat on the corner. A few right hands don’t do much to Show so Mayweather grabs the required sleeper. That’s broken up so Show goes after the hand again and stands on Mayweather, which has the entourage shouting that how THAT IS AGAINST THE RULES!

The big chop in the corner drops Mayweather again and there’s a side slam to crush him. Show gets creative by dropping a leg on the arm and that’s enough for the entourage to pull Mayweather out. That goes as well as you might expect and they go back to the ring, with Mayweather being mostly done.

The entourage tries to come in and gets dropped, with a chair shot having no effect on Show. Mayweather gets the chair and drops Show (after a guy twice his size couldn’t even stagger him), setting up a low blow. Some chair shots to the head stagger Show again so Mayweather grabs brass knuckles from the entourage to knock Show silly for the knockout win.

Rating: C+. This was a total mess and incredibly entertaining throughout. There is something fun about seeing Mayweather get beaten up, even if he won in the end. It made sense to not bother trying to do anything else here than having a goofy match and that is what they pulled off. Good enough stuff here, even if it was mainly Show doing slow motion stuff and Mayweather’s entourage getting beaten up. Still though, they knew what they had here and it worked.

The attendance, as announced by Kim Kardashian: 74,635.

We recap Edge vs. Undertaker for Edge’s Smackdown World Title. The focus is on both of them being undefeated at Wrestlemania, with Edge seemingly being more obsessed with giving Undertaker his first loss rather than retaining the title. Undertaker just wants to hut Edge, as tends to be the case to anyone who has hurt him before. Like Edge, who cost him the World Title and then stole it for himself.

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Undertaker

Edge is defending and gets his neck snapped across the top rope to start. Undertaker hammers away back inside and starts cranking on the arm, as is his custom. Old School is broken up and Edge sends him to the apron for a shoulder into the barricade. A running neckbreaker snaps Undertaker’s neck across the top to even things up a bit, meaning Edge gets in some Wrestlemania worthy posing.

Undertaker finally gets back in, where he is caught with a missile dropkick. Edge takes too long to go up again and gets shoved to the floor, setting up the required Taker Dive. Back in and Undertaker’s banged up back means the Last Ride doesn’t work so Edge takes him back outside. There’s a drop onto the barricade, followed by the half crab to keep Undertaker in trouble back inside.

Make that a double leg crank until Undertaker kicks him away for a needed breather. Undertaker wins the slugout and Snake Eyes connects, only to have Edge hit a dropkick to block the big boot (that’s smart). The chokeslam is countered into the Edgecution for two and frustration is setting in. Back up and the chokeslam gives Undertaker two but Old School is countered again (as the theme of Edge knowing everything that is coming continues).

A superplex brings Undertaker back down but for some reason, Edge decides to punch away in the corner. The pose lets Undertaker try the Last Ride, which is countered into a neckbreaker to give Edge two. Another Last Ride attempt connects for two but the Tombstone is countered into the Edge-O-Matic. Undertaker is up again and Old School connects, only to have a big boot hit the referee (you knew that was coming).

Edge goes low and grabs a camera, which knocks Undertaker silly for….well nothing actually as the referee falls to the floor. For reasons of delusions of grandeur, Edge tries his own Tombstone, which is reversed into the real thing, with another referee running down to count the near fall. Cue the Edgeheads to get beaten up, allowing Edge to hit a spear for two. Another spear is pulled into Undertaker’s choke and Edge has to tap away the title.

Rating: A-. That felt like a Wrestlemania main event as you had Edge countering every single time but ultimately not being good enough to beat Undertaker, even with the interference. Edge had his game plan but got a bit too cocky a few times, allowing Undertaker to catch up fast. Undertaker getting his title back and vanquishing Edge in the process is a great way to close the show, and the fact that it came in an excellent match makes it even better.

Undertaker celebrates and pyro rains.

The big highlight video wraps us up.

Overall Rating: B-. This was a show where there is a lot of good stuff but the bad drags it down, with only the main event really standing out as great. Other than that you have Money In The Bank doing its usual stuff, Flair’s farewell as a special moment, a freak show match with Show vs. Mayweather and a just pretty good Raw World Title match. That really isn’t enough to carry a nearly four hour Wrestlemania, leaving it as a good enough show, but far from a classic or all time show.

 

 

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Wrestlemania XXIII
Date: April 1, 2007
Location: Ford Field, Detroit, Michigan
Attendance: 80,103
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz, John Bradshaw Layfield, Joey Styles

It’s the biggest night of the year and this time the show does indeed feel big. You can feel how things have been going strong on the way here and I want to see how it goes. That takes some work when I have already seen the show multiple times. It is a stacked card and the biggest is Bobby Lashley vs. Umaga in the Battle of the Billionaires, which is really Donald Trump vs. Vince McMahon. Let’s get to it.

Before we get to the show, let’s do the pre-show match for a bonus.

Pre-Show: Ric Flair/Carlito vs. Gregory Helms/Chavo Guerrero

This is a lumberjack match to get more people in front of the crowd. The entrance is a little weird here as there is a huge curtain in front of the set, which does make this feel like a bonus. Flair and Helms start things off with Helms taking him into the corner for a slap to the face. A hiptoss into some chops slow Helms down and it’s Carlito coming in to knee lift Chavo.

Carlito dropkicks Chavo off the apron to little avail but Helms kicks Carlito off the apron to take over. Back in and Chavo belly to back suplexes him into a chinlock but Carlito fights up in a hurry. The hot tag brings in Flair to clean house as everything breaks down. Helms breaks up the Figure Four but Chavo misses the frog splash. Guerrero is back up and tries the Three Amigos but Carlito escapes and hits the Backstabber for the pin.

Rating: C-. Nothing but a standard Raw match here (if you ignore the Smackdown wrestlers involved) and that is perfectly fine for the spot they were in. This was about warming the crowd up and having Flair out there is going to do that just fine. Sometimes you need someone to set the stage for later and these four did it just fine in a very simple tag match.

The opening video looks at a history of the show, including some major moments. We also get a special look at Wrestlemania III, with the famous Vince McMahon introduction swinging into this year’s America the Beautiful, once again sung by Aretha Franklin.

We go to the regular opening video, featuring a bunch of wrestlers talking about how they have always dreamed of being here as children. Now they are all grown up and it is time to take the stage themselves. This campaign has grown on me a lot over the years and I like it a good bit more than I used to.

Edge vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Matt Hardy vs. CM Punk vs. King Booker vs. Finlay vs. Randy Orton vs. Mr. Kennedy

Money in the Bank as they’re starting big this year. Everyone looks up at the briefcase to start and then it’s already time to head outside for the fight. It’s a brawl to start and Finlay dives off the top onto almost everyone else. Matt has to cut off Edge’s climb, leaving Orton and Finlay to climb the ladder to no avail. Booker goes to pull out another ladder but finds Hornswoggle’s stepladder instead, allowing Punk to knock him down.

Edge bridges a ladder between the apron and the barricade but Booker starts cleaning house. There’s the Spanarooni, only to have the Hardys run Booker over with ladders. For some reason Finlay saves Edge from the see saw ladder treatment and Edge suplexes Matt onto the ladder. Kennedy’s Kenton Bomb onto hits ladder (with Kennedy landing HARD on the back of his head) and it’s a Hardy slugout on top of the ladder.

Finlay breaks that up but gets speared down by Edge. More spears drop just about everyone else but Punk wraps the ladder around his head to knock out various people. Edge slides in the big ladder and climbs, at least until Orton shoves him over the top and out to the floor. Matt lays Edge over the bridged ladder and Jeff dives onto him, breaking the ladder to get rid of both of them. Both guys are taken out on stretchers and we’re down to a six way.

Now it’s time for the parade of RKOs and Orton climbs, despite not being underneath the briefcase. Punk breaks that up and climbs as well, only to get taken down with a super RKO for the huge spot. Booker grabs the Book End and goes up but Matt is there to catch him. Cue Queen Sharmell to grab Matt’s leg but Booker gets distracted by Matt and walks into the Twist of Fate.

Finlay gives Matt a Celtic Cross onto the ladder, busting himself open in the process. Now it’s Hornswoggle going up the ladder until Kennedy catches him for a super Regal Roll off the ladder. Punk dropkicks the ladder down to cut Finlay off and it’s Punk vs. Kennedy on top of the ladder. Kennedy gets knocked down but comes back up and kicks Punk down, allowing him to grab the briefcase for the win.

Rating: B. I never know how to rate these things but it was another blast with everyone flying around and having one crash after another. This was a lot of fun and one of the right people won, which is what matters the most in a match like Money in the Bank. Everyone got a chance to shine here, even in a complete car crash match like this one. Rather fun opener.

We look at the premiere of the Condemned. It wasn’t that good.

Mr. Kennedy congratulates himself and says any champion needs to have eyes in the back of his head because he’s coming with the briefcase.

Batista is All Grown Up.

Great Khali vs. Kane

Interpromotional battle of the monsters, though Kane doesn’t even have his big hook here. Khali shoves him down to start and adds a shoulder to drop Kane again. There’s a clothesline to set up a slam as it’s all Khali so far. The nerve hold doesn’t last long so Khali starts stomping away in the corner as JR gets in the bowling shoe line. Kane is back with some right hands and the top rope clothesline, which doesn’t knock Khali down.

Instead, Kane knocks him into the ropes for the tie up and NOW it’s time for the big hook. That takes too long though and the slugout is on with Khali getting the better of things. Khali rips the turnbuckle pad off but Kane gets in a low blow into the slam (for the Hogan/Andre callback). It’s just a slam though so Khali is back up with the double chokeslam for the pin.

Rating: D. What else were you expecting here? They had five minutes and the whole thing was about making Khali look like a monster. The hook never meant anything (as it would have killed Khali) but the slam was a cool moment. Sometimes you need a bit of a cool down match and that’s what you got here after the crazy opener.

The Divas are All Grown Up.

Cryme Tyme try to cheer Eugene up so here is Extreme Expose for the dancing. Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young come up in the same outfits to dance but Slick (get him in the Hall of Fame already) comes in to show them up. Dusty Rhodes, IRS, Jimmy Hart, Gerald Brisco (in a suit of course) and finally Ricky Steamboat come in. Say it with me: Ron Simmons comes in for the catchphrase.

US Title: MVP vs. Chris Benoit

MVP is challenging and has his own cheerleaders for some Wrestlemania flavor. Benoit drives him into the corner to start and grabs a headscissors on the mat. That’s reversed into a headlock as they’re going technical early on. MVP has to block the German suplex and the Crossface but Benoit sends him outside. Back in and MVP has to go to the rope to break up another Crossface attempt, which has Cole impressed. With the holds not working, Benoit chops him into the corner and loads MVP up on top, only to get knocked back down.

MVP starts in on the arm, including with some kicks and driving shoulders. The confidence gets a bit too high though as Benoit snaps off the rolling German suplex. It’s too early for the Swan Dive though and MVP catches him on top with a superplex. MVP stays on the shoulder by sending it into the post and a belly to back suplex onto the arm gets two. We hit the armbar for a bit but Benoit pops up and snaps on the Crossface. The bar arm gives out though and MVP plants him with a slam. Ballin gets two but the running boot misses in the corner. Benoit rolls more German suplexes and the Swan Dive retains the title clean.

Rating: C+. This was always a weird one for me as they set up MVP to win the title but then Benoit just retains clean. I’m still not sure what the point of this one was other than to give us a surprise. The match itself was like a good Smackdown match so it isn’t out of place, but this felt like a curve ball for the sake of a curve ball, as it isn’t like Benoit is some kind of amazing champion.

Donald Trump is in on the phone in his dressing room and complaining about things. Boogeyman comes in and Trump no sells it, asking for some food.

Undertaker is All Grown Up.

We look at the Hall of Fame induction ceremony from last night. William Shatner still seems to have almost no idea who Jerry Lawler is.

Official attendance: 80,103.

Howard Finkel introduces the Hall of Fame Class of 2007 (I still love that song):

Jim Ross (quite the reaction)
Curt Hennig (represented by family)
Jerry Lawler (also quite the reaction)
Nick Bockwinkel (Fans don’t seem to know him, but is this guy ever not impeccably dressed?)
Mr. Fuji (I would never have recognized him, though it’s Don Muraco of all people wheeling him out)
The Wild Samoans (Not much of a reaction but how were they not in already?)
The Original Sheik (represented by his wife)
Dusty Rhodes (your headliner)

We get a fan poll on Undertaker vs. Batista, with Undertaker winning 82%-18%. That’s a heck of a squash.

We recap Undertaker vs. Batista for the Smackdown World Title. Undertaker won the Royal Rumble to earn the shot and Batista is all BRING IT ON as we have the monster fight for the title. This feels like a Wrestlemania World Title match and that’s kind of a hard trick to pull off.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. Undertaker

Undertaker is challenging and Teddy Long handles the introductions for a bit of a weird moment. We get the full druid entrance for Undertaker, which will never stop being awesome. Batista spears him down at the bell and it’s time to trade right hands in the corner. It’s actually Batista getting the better of things and the fans are not too thrilled with that. Undertaker pulls him outside for a ram into the apron but Batista is right back for a hard whip into the steps.

Back in and Batista nails a top rope shoulder (dang) for two and a heck of a clothesline cuts Undertaker off again. Undertaker slugs back from his knees and punches Batista into the corner for the running clotheslines. Snake Eyes into the big boot sets up the legdrop for two as we’re back to mostly even. Old School looks to set up the chokeslam but Batista powers out and knocks Undertaker down.

Undertaker doesn’t seem to mind as he sends Batista to the apron for the legdrop. There’s the Taker Dive and they’re both down on the floor. Back up and Batista drives him HARD through the barricade and hammers away as things have cranked up in a hurry. The announcers’ table is loaded up and a running powerslam drives Undertaker through it for the big crash. That’s only good for two back inside so Batista punches away even more.

The Batista Bomb is broken up with a drive into the corner but Batista is right back….with right hands from the middle rope. I guess HHH didn’t teach him that one and it’s the Last Ride for two. The frustrated Undertaker gets caught in a spinebuster but pops back up with a chokeslam for two. Batista slips out of the chokeslam and hits the spear into the Batista Bomb for two as the fans are WAY into these near falls. Undertaker backdrops his way out of another Batista Bomb and sends Batista into the corner. The Tombstone is enough to give Undertaker the pin and the title.

Rating: A-. This felt like a Wrestlemania level title match between two monsters. These two beat the fire out of each other and didn’t bother with anything other than the big power moves. They were trading bombs throughout the whole match and it was a question of who would survive, which made the whole thing world. It helps when Undertaker was motivated by being put in the middle of the card and cranked it up a notch, as both guys felt like they were on another level here.

Bobby Lashley is All Grown Up.

Stephanie McMahon brings her daughter in to meet Vince McMahon and we get the baby carriage cam, with Vince talking trash about Donald Trump. Jokes about a smell, at Trump’s expense, ensue.

ECW Originals vs. New Breed

That would be Sandman/Rob Van Dam/Sabu/Tommy Dreamer vs. Elijah Burke/Marcus Cor Von/Kevin Thorn/Matt Striker, with Ariel in the New Breed’s corner. The Originals come through the crowd for a nice bit of flavor. Sabu starts fast with the springboard elbow and body block to drop Striker. Sandman comes in so Cor Von makes a fast save and stays to beat on Dreamer. A hard elbow drops Dreamer and it’s Burke coming in for the Elijah Express.

The mocking of Dreamer’s pose delays the near fall and it’s Thorn coming in for a chinlock. A spinebuster gives Thorn two with Sabu making a save of his own. Cor Von’s chinlock stays on Dreamer’s back but he lets go to knock Sandman off the apron. A neckbreaker gets Dreamer out of trouble and, after kicking Burke away, it’s a hot tag to bring in Van Dam. House is cleaned, including the monkey flip and Rolling Thunder to Striker. Everything breaks down and Dreamer DDTs Striker as Sandman runs over people on the floor. The Five Star gives Van Dam the pin.

Rating: C-. It wasn’t a good match or really anything close, but what matters here was giving ECW ANYTHING to do on the show. They didn’t need to do anything more than the basics here and Van Dam winning is a perfect way to go. You can all but guarantee that this feud isn’t over, especially with an Extreme Rules rematch out there.

Steve Austin is All Grown Up.

Wrestlemania XXIV is in Orlando.

We recap the Battle of the Billionaires, which is more about asking celebrities who they want to see bald. To keep it simple, Donald Trump and Vince McMahon got in a stupid argument over who is richer/invented YOU’RE FIRED/walks funnier so it’s time for a match between their handpicked representatives with the billionaires’ hair on the line. Throw in Steve Austin as referee and it’s the real Wrestlemania main event.

Bobby Lashley vs. Umaga

Non-title, Donald Trump and Vince McMahon are both here, with Steve Austin as guest referee and Armando Alejandro Estrada in Umaga’s corner. Everything, including the barber’s chair, gets its own entrance (JR: “All we need now is a barbershop quartet.”). They stare at each other before colliding, with Lashley driving him into the corner. Austin pulls Lashley away because Umaga is in the ropes so Lashley goes up for a middle rope clothesline.

Estrada puts Umaga’s foot on the rope so Lashley powerslams Estrada and sends him outside. A low bridge puts Umaga on the floor as well but Lashley misses a charge to send himself flying outside as well. Back in and Umaga gets two off a splash and it’s time to choke on the ropes. Austin doesn’t like that either and breaks it up, just to keep things even. The near explosion lets Lashley elbow Umaga in the face but Umaga runs him over again.

Some sitting down onto Lashley’s chest sets up a Samoan drop and Trump….looks about the same as he has all match. Lashley knocks Vince off the apron but Umaga is right back with a Downward Spiral. A trip up top takes too long as Lashley slams Umaga off the top for a double nine count, though Austin just won’t count the ten. Cue Shane McMahon to help Vince up as Umaga uppercuts Lashley down to cut him off again. Austin goes after Umaga’s eye to break up the choking so Shane offers a distraction, allowing Umaga to Samoan Spike Austin to the floor.

The double beating is on and Shane, after pointing at Trump (who points back), hits the Coast To Coast. Shane has a referee shirt (because of course he does) and Umaga’s top rope splash connects. Austin is back up to pull Shane to the floor and take him out (Trump, sounding calm: “What’s going on over here?”). Umaga drops Austin again but Trump clotheslines Vince (there’s your entertainment show highlight), leaving Austin to Stun Umaga. The spear gives Lashley the pin.

Rating: C. I don’t think anyone was expecting some kind of amazing match here and that’s not what you got. Instead, this was the crazy brawl surrounding the not very great power match. They kept this relatively short too, as there was no need to stretch this out any longer than needed. There was no way Trump was getting his head shaved so just get to the good stuff, which they did.

Post match Austin drags Vince inside for the shaving, but has to beat up Shane first. Vince tries to escape but Lashley chases him down without much trouble and drags him back to the ring. Back in and Vince bumps into Austin (as identified with a rub of the bald head), meaning it’s a Stunner to get Vince in the chair. The shaving is on (with Austin holding Vince for old times sake), even as Vince screams to not do this to him. JR: “It was Mr. McMahon’s real hair all along!”

They even whip out the shaving cream and razors to REALLY shave it off. JR: “Wrestlemania XXIII may be all grown up, but Mr. McMahon’s hair is all shaved off.” Vince looks eerily calm but then loses it all over again when Lashley holds up the mirror. As usual, Vince will do anything asked of him to make a moment like this. Beer is consumed and Austin Stuns Trump (the worst of all time, but he tried) to wrap it up.

John Cena is All Grown Up.

We look at the pre-show match as the ring is cleared out.

Commentary recaps the night so far.

Women’s Title: Melina vs. Ashley

Melina is defending and it’s a lumberjill match, with all of the lumberjills being named during the group entrance. Melina starts fast with the boot choke in the corner as JBL says the women look good enough to even impress Cole. Ashley gets knocked into a short giant swing and it’s off to a double arm crank with Melina’s boots in Ashley’s back. The comeback is on with Ashley whipping her into the corner and grabbing a monkey flip. Starstruck (middle rope elbow) misses though and Melina grabs a bridging cradle to retain.

Rating: D. Did you expect anything else? Ashley isn’t a wrestler and Melina isn’t good enough to carry her to anything great. They were very smart to keep this short as there was no way they could do anything long term here. Ashley did as much as she could, but this was nothing more than a way to promote her Playboy, as is the tradition for this spot.

Post match the big brawl is on and the good ones clean house in a hurry.

Shawn Michaels is All Grown Up.

John Cena beats Shawn Michaels in another fan poll 59%-41%.

We recap John Cena vs. Shawn Michaels for the Raw World Title. Michaels won a triple threat match to earn the spot and has since decided that he wanted to protect Cena until Wrestlemania. They wound up winning the Tag Team Titles but Shawn finally superkicked Cena, as is his nature, on the final Raw before Wrestlemania. Cena winning seems likely, but it’s Shawn Michaels at Wrestlemania, and that is always going to give him a shot.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Shawn Michaels

Michaels is challenging and comes out to the DX theme, which still doesn’t feel quite right. You would think his already iconic theme song would work, though he’s pretty famous for this song too. Cena’s big Wrestlemania entrance this year involves driving a Ford Mustang into the arena, right through a glass wall. They happen to be Tag Team Champions as well but it doesn’t mean as much here.

Shawn sits on the top turnbuckle as we’re ready to go. After hopping down, Shawn tells Cena to bring it and finally slaps him in the face to pick up the pace in a hurry. Cena gets knocked down into the corner and that means a crotch chop from Shawn. A backflip gets Shawn out of a belly to back suplex and Cena is frustrated early on. Shawn headlock takeovers him down and then does it again for a bonus. Back up and Cena cuts him down with a clothesline as the fans are firmly behind Shawn here.

Shawn enziguris him to the floor, setting up the springboard moonsault onto Cena onto the announcers’ table for the really nasty crash. Back in and Shawn goes for the leg, including stomping it down and wrapping it around the post. More stomping has the referee asking if Cena can continue and Shawn bends the knee around the rope. Shawn chops away so Cena punches him in the face for a simple yet effective counter.

A missed charge sends Shawn hard into the post and he’s busted open (thanks to one of those lightning quick blade jobs). Cena starts the comeback, including the ProtoBomb and Shuffle, but Shawn slips out of the FU. A quick Sweet Chin Music hits the referee by mistake (it seems early for that) and the FU is countered into a DDT to put them both down. With no referee, Shawn takes Cena outside for a piledriver onto the steps. Cena is busted as well as Shawn pulls him back inside, where a second referee comes in for the near fall.

The forearm sets up the top rope elbow but Sweet Chin Music is cut off with a hard clothesline. They’re both down again (as you might have guessed) for a bit before it’s time for the big slugout. The FU is countered into a sunset flip to give Shawn two but the next attempt connects. Cena can’t cover at first so it’s a very delayed near fall. Shawn breaks up the super FU and tries the superkick but has to counter the STFU (over and over) before getting two off a small package.

Cena is back with the STFU but Shawn realizes he is about a foot away from the rope and they’re out again. Back up and Shawn hits a quick Sweet Chin Music for a delayed near fall of his own. They pull themselves up and Cena snaps him right back into the STFU to make Shawn tap and retain the title.

Rating: A-. This felt like a Wrestlemania main event and that shouldn’t surprise anyone. They went with the epic match here and by the end, it felt like either of them could pull this off. It made everything feel that much better and it felt like an incredible main event. Again, I’m not sure how much drama there was over who was going to win here, but they still had an outstanding match with Shawn making Cena look like a killer and Cena hanging with Shawn well enough to feel like the biggest star in the company when he retained the title.

Shawn walks away post match, but Cena offer the salute.

The Ladies And Gentlemen highlight package wraps us up.

Overall Rating: B. The big matches delivered and the bad stuff was mostly short. While it isn’t quite a classic, this is firmly in the higher tier of Wrestlemanias. What mattered here was the feeling, as you had a pair of great World Title matches, Money in the Bank delivering, and the big song and dance match with the Battle of the Billionaires. The rest of the show was watchable at worst and as a result, it felt like a Wrestlemania. That’s more than you could say about last year’s edition so they are trending in the right direction.

 

 

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Wrestlemania VII
Date: March 24, 1991
Location: Los Angeles Sports Arena, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 16,158
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan

It’s the Gulf War show, as Hulk Hogan is fighting to get the WWF Title back from former American hero turned Iraqi sympathizer Sgt. Slaughter. If that sounds like one of the worst ideas for a Wrestlemania main event ever, you have quite the memory for these things. Other than that we have Randy Savage vs. Ultimate Warrior in a match that actually belongs in a big spot at Wrestlemania. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is all about the stars and stripes with only Hulk Hogan vs. Sgt. Slaughter being shown.

Willie Nelson sings America The Beautiful.

Jim Duggan joins commentary for the first match, while saying that Hulk Hogan going after Sgt. Slaughter is like the military going after Saddam Hussein.

The Rockers know they’re ready for Haku and the Barbarian, whether they are part of the Heenan Family or not.

Rockers vs. Haku/Barbarian

Haku and Barbarian, with Bobby Heenan, are already in the ring in a move that could cut down on so much Wrestlemania time these days. Shawn and Haku start things off as the fans are already yelling about Heenan. Haku whips him into the corner a few times but a shoulder and some right hands get Shawn out of trouble. Marty comes in for the double elbow but Barbarian clotheslines both Rockers inside out.

Back up and a double superkick drops Barbarian and it’s time for pointers with the Brain (jot that down for a talk show idea). We settle back down to Marty sunset flipping Barbarian for two before working over the arm. Haku comes back in for a double headbutt and an assisted hot shot has Marty in even more trouble. The gorilla press plants Marty again and Barbarian even draws Shawn in so double choking can ensue.

A hard whip into the corner gives Barbarian two more and we hit the required bearhug (What took them so long?). Marty tries to fight back but gets caught in a heck of a powerslam to cut him off again. Barbarian misses the top rope headbutt though and there’s the tag to Shawn. House is quickly cleaned, including a middle rope crossbody to Barbarian. Everything breaks down and it’s a double clothesline to Barbarian. Marty missile Barbarian and Shawn adds a high crossbody for the pin at 10:33.

Rating: C+. The middle felt a little bit long but this was a perfectly fine power vs. speed tag match. The Rockers are one of the better speed teams from around this time and they were a great choice for an opener. Haku and Barbarian on the other hand were perfectly acceptable monsters, making this a rather nice way to get the crowd fired up. It would have been a heck of a house show match (and probably was more than once) and that worked well in this spot.

We get our celebrity interviews with Regis Philbin (scared of Earthquake), Marla Maples (future wife of Donald Trump and tonight’s guest timekeeper) and Alex Trebek (Jeopardy jokes abound). I love Jeopardy and Regis can be funny, but these are about as cringe as you can get.

Dino Bravo vs. Texas Tornado

Jimmy Hart is here with Bravo, who jumps Tornado at the bell and clotheslines him out to the floor in an early heap. Back in and Tornado slugs away but can’t get the Claw. Bravo knocks him down again and drops an elbow for two, setting up the side slam. The delayed cover gets two and there’s a middle rope elbow to the back of Tornado’s head. Bravo goes up but dives into the Claw, setting up the Tornado Punch for the pin at 3:11.

Rating: D. This is the match that I cite for why I don’t redo every Wrestlemania (or any show) very often. There are only so many ways you can talk about a nothing match like this with no build and almost no time. Tornado was past his expiration date and Bravo would be gone, save for mostly house shows, after this, so what were they supposed to do here?

Slick and the Warlord are ready to beat British Bulldog. Sweet goodness I was scared of Warlord’s half mask back then and it’s still an awesome look to this day.

Bulldog says he can powerslam Warlord.

British Bulldog vs. Warlord

Slick is here with Warlord but Bulldog has his mascot Winston (he’s no Matilda). This is power vs. power so Warlord starts with the clubbing forearm to the back. Bulldog runs him over with some shoulders and Warlord is already on the floor for a breather. Back in and Warlord counters the crucifix into something like a Samoan drop as things slow way back down. The bearhug goes on for a bit before Bulldog charges into a hot shot to cut the comeback right back off.

We hit the chinlock, with Heenan even complaining about how sloppy Warlord has it on. With that broken up, Bulldog dropkicks him into the corner and hammers away, setting up a crossbody for two. The piledriver is blocked so Bulldog settles for two off a sunset flip instead. Bulldog misses a charge though and Warlord gets most of the full nelson, minus the fingers being locked. The incomplete version is broken up and Bulldog hits the powerslam for the pin at 8:10.

Rating: C. This was another house show style match as Bulldog gets an impressive win, with that powerslam still looking great. Warlord is up there with the most generic monster villains you can get but he looked good enough that beating him still felt like something of a big deal. These two could have some nice power matches though and they made a basic story work well here.

The Nasty Boys, with Jimmy Hart, are ready to win the Tag Team Titles, even if it means beating the Hart Foundation. They destroy Gene handkerchief to warm up.

The Hart Foundation are ready for a fight but say the Nastys can’t crack, move or break the foundation.

Tag Team Titles: Hart Foundation vs. Nasty Boys

The Nastys, with Jimmy Hart (in a helmet), are challenging and Macaulay Culkin is in the audience, with Monsoon thankfully recognizing him. Sags punches away at Bret to start but Bret is back with a Thesz press and right hands (….hey). Bret cuts off a kick to the ribs and stomps Sags in the abdomen (or bread basket, whichever you prefer). Knobbs comes in to hammer on Neidhart in the corner, which of course is just fine with Neidhart.

The hard shoulders send Knobbs to the floor before it’s time to work on the arm back inside. It’s back to Sags, who gets taken down again by Neidhart, allowing Bret to hammer away as well. The Russian legsweep into the middle rope elbow connects but Bret has to cut off an interfering Knobbs. That’s enough for Sags to get in a cheap shot so the Nastys can actually take over for a change.

Bret is knocked to the floor for a breather, followed by a hard whip into the corner back inside as the pace stays slow. The reverse chinlock goes on for a good while before Knobbs comes in for one of his own. Sags grabs a third reverse chinlock, followed by Knobbs dropping elbows to the bad back.

Make that four reverse chinlocks until Bret finally avoids a charge in the corner. The tag to Neidhart isn’t seen but Knobbs runs into Sags by mistake, allowing Neidhart to come in legally. House is cleaned and a powerslam gets two on Knobbs. The Nastys collide again and the Hart Attack hits Knobbs. There’s no referee though, allowing Sags to get in a shot with Jimmy’s helmet to give Knobbs the pin and the titles at 12:00.

Rating: C. There were good sections, but how in the world can four straight reverse chinlocks be the best you have? Mixing it up at least a little big really shouldn’t be too much to ask but apparently that wasn’t going to happen here. This was a way to get some fresh blood in the tag division, which would be needed as the Harts were more or less done after this, with Bret moving into his singles career.

We recap Rick Martel vs. Jake Roberts. Martel went to spray Jake’s snake bag with cologne (because reasons) but sprayed Jake in the eyes. Roberts was blinded as a result, though he managed to DDT Brother Love at one point. His eyes were messed up for months but now he’s back for a blindfold match.

Roberts says snakes have five senses but they always do it better in the dark.

Jake Roberts vs. Rick Martel

They’re both in hoods and if you ignore being able to see the eye hole when Jake puts his on, it makes for a good visual. Roberts goes smart early on by having the crowd help him find Martel. There’s no contact for the first minute until both of them stumble over the other a bit. Jake gets two off a rollup and then steps around Martel’s backdrop attempt (because that’s the kind of thing you do when you can’t see).

The pointing thing results in a collision and a pair of missed charges. Then to mix it up a bit, they miss each other again. Martel finally catches him with a slam but misses the elbow drop as Gorilla and Bobby suddenly can’t hear each other. Martel corners the referee in the corner as Jake is in another corner to start the pointing. With that not working, Jake starts clapping to get Martel to come over. This one actually works, but they crash into the ropes. Heenan: “Why doesn’t Martel lift the hood up and peak?” Gorilla: “That’s cheating!” Heenan: “SO WHAT???”

A headlock doesn’t work for Jake as Martel sends him outside. Heenan: “Excuse me. MARTEL! HE’S ON THE FLOOR!” Martel follows him out and pokes around with a chair, with the swing only hitting the post. Back in and Martel hits a backbreaker to set up the Boston crab. With that broken up in a hurry (so much for Martel’s finisher), Jake grabs the DDT for the pin at 8:31.

Rating: D. This match isn’t something that works well on second viewings, as there are so many instances where it is clear that they can see each other. Roberts getting the win is the feel good moment, but it took its sweet time getting there. Not as completely horrible as I remember it, but it doesn’t work very well if you’re paying attention.

Post match Jake busts up the Arrogance atomizer and puts Damien on Martel.

Marla Maples is in the locker room where the Nasty Boys, Jimmy Hart and the Mountie are celebrating the Tag Team Title win. Dino Bravo and Earthquake come in with more champagne and Marla is surrounded. That’s it for her, as this isn’t exactly a great celebrity cameo. What exactly was nasty about a big celebration anyway?

Jimmy Snuka vs. The Undertaker

Paul Bearer is here with Undertaker of course. Snuka stares at Undertaker as we cut to Bearer looking….well weird to everyone else, normal for him. Undertaker sends him into the corner a few times before knocking Snuka outside in a heap. A suplex brings Snuka back in but he manages a few strikes for a breather. Snuka’s missed charge only hits ropes though and it’s another crash to the floor, followed by the Tombstone to make Undertaker 1-0 at Wrestlemania at 4:20.

Rating: D+. It’s always kind of interesting that one of the most important things in the company’s history started off as such a nothing match. This was little more than a squash as Snuka had absolutely nothing. The Tombstone alone was worth a look, though Undertaker was still figuring a lot of things out at this point.

We recap Randy Savage vs. Ultimate Warrior in a career threatening match. Savage wanted a shot at Warrior’s WWF Title but got turned down (despite Sherri’s suggestive advances). As a result, Savage cheated like crazy to cost Warrior the title to Sgt. Slaughter. Warrior wants revenge, and their careers are on the line. This is FAR more interesting than the real main event as it has a more personal story and could go either way.

Randy Savage vs. Ultimate Warrior

Before the match, Heenan spots Miss Elizabeth in the crowd, looking a bit distraught. Savage, with Queen Sherri, gets his big throne entrance and Warrior makes it weird by walking to the ring. They take their time to get going until Warrior powers him away. Savage bounces off of him and it’s time for a breather on the floor. Back in and Warrior chokes away before hitting an atomic drop, though things are still moving fairly slowly.

Sherri’s interference fails and Warrior punches Savage down again. Savage finally comes back with that running clothesline but Warrior pulls a high crossbody out of the air (that’s always impressive). Instead of slamming Savage down though, Warrior sits him down to start up the mind games. Said games cause Savage to throw in a chair but Warrior punches him down again. Warrior finally misses a charge into the corner though and Sherri stomps away on the floor.

Savage’s top rope ax handle has a bit more impact but Warrior shoves Sherri down anyway. A posting drops Warrior and Sherri, not taking this lying down, kicks away at Warrior. As Gorilla says this is officially the largest pay per view audience in the history of pay per view, Warrior gets two off a backslide for a breather. Warrior hits the clothesline and runs the ropes a bunch, only to miss the shoulder.

Savage grabs the chinlock for a bit before Warrior fights up. A double clothesline gives us a double knockdown and they’re both rather winded. Back up and Warrior actually grabs a small package but Sherri has the referee. Savage knees Warrior in the back to send him into the referee and now things are getting going. Sherri comes in off the top with her shoe but hits Savage by mistake, meaning it’s time for Warrior to go a-stalking.

A rollup (seemingly with trunks) gives Savage two and he sends Warrior hard into the corner. Savage clotheslines him in the back of the head and drops the top rope elbow. Then he drops the top rope elbow. Then he drops the top rope elbow. Then he drops the top rope elbow. Then he drops the top rope elbow….for two, just in case you didn’t know who was winning here.

Warrior Warriors Up and hits the shoulders into the gorilla press drop. The Warrior Splash connects for two and now Warrior is stunned. Warrior looks up, then looks at his hands, and starts walking up the aisle. Instead of taking the countout, Savage jumps him from behind and goes up top, only to miss his dive onto the barricade. Back in and Warrior’s flying shoulder sends Savage outside again. They get back in and do it again, as Savage’s bumps off the shoulder here are awesome. A third running shoulder sends Savage outside again and Warrior throws him back inside. Savage is DONE and Warrior gets the pin at 20:47.

Rating: A-. This felt like an epic showdown between two top stars and that is what it was supposed to be. You don’t get this kind of a match very often around the WWF and they made it work on every front. The ending scene of Savage being completely defeated made it look like the better man won, even with Savage and Sherri cheating every chance they could. Outstanding match here and it still more than holds up.

Post match Warrior leaves and Sherri berates Savage as he still can’t get up. She even kicks him over and over….until Elizabeth jumps the barricade and chases Sherri off (the ultra rare instance of her getting physical). Savage finally gets up and sees Elizabeth, leaving him very confused. Elizabeth stretches out her arms and Savage finally hugs her to a huge roar. Savage puts her on his shoulder and then holds the ropes open for her, because things have finally changed before them.

This is the moment that can still bring a bit of a tear to the eye of fans of my generation because it was YEARS in the making and the fans were begging Savage to take her back by the end. It’s Savage FINALLY being at peace and getting his happy ending after leaving it all in the ring. This is still one of the best things that WWE has ever done and it still gets to me, even if I’ve seen it dozens of times.

And now, a debate on instant replay in wrestling, with Vince McMahon moderating the discussion between New York Yankees owner George Steinbrenner and NFL analyst Paul Maguire. Steinbrenner wants instant replay but if it takes more than a minute to get the call right, fire them. Vince: “What do you mean fire him? Like, from his job?” Maguire doesn’t like the idea and insults Steinbrenner over his comments. We get an instant replay, as looked at by the Bushwhackers, which results in the tape being ruined. Their ruling: the tape is inconclusive, therefore the play stands. This was bizarre to put it mildly, which might be why it isn’t on the Peacock version.

We run down what is left on the show as this feels like an intermission. Gorilla and Bobby talk about what has gone on so far, with Heenan saying if he was Savage, he would rather have some money than a skirt.

Regis Philbin interviews Undertaker and Paul Bearer, with Undertaker taking measurements for….reasons. Puns about being alive ensue.

Alex Trebek interviews Demolition, with Mr. Fuji, who yell a lot and scare Trebek a bit. Trebek tries to turn it into something Jeopardy-ish and the yelling gets has him throwing it back to Regis.

Regis tries to talk to Genichiro Tenryu and Koji Kitao about their match but can only use Japanese company names. They want to know where Kathy Lee (the co-host of his talk show) is and it doesn’t go well.

Jake Roberts and Damien scare Trebek off. Roberts tells Damien that he’ll have to settle for the home version of Jeopardy.

Those four segments? They were really, really bad.

Genichiro Tenryu/Koji Kitao vs. Demolition

This is Crush/Smash, with Mr. Fuji, in the very last try to push the team as meaning anything. Tenryu and Kitao are here as part of a partnership with Tenryu’s SWS promotion. Demolition jumps Kitao to start but Kitao knees Crush against the ropes. A distraction lets Smash get in a shot from behind though and Demolition takes over. Crush hits a top rope ax handle to the back as the fans aren’t exactly interested here. Kitao gets over for the tag off to Tenryu, who misses a top rope elbow. The Demolition Decapitator is loaded up but Kitao makes a save. Tenryu enziguris Smash and a powerbomb gives Tenryu the pin at 4:40.

Rating: D. Call it a style clash, call it Demolition being worthless at this point or call it the WWF not getting why this would be a bad idea, but this really did not work in any sense. The Ax/Smash version of Demolition was great, but the Crush/Smash version was Demolition in name only. This was more or less it for Demolition and based on this, that is the best thing for everyone involved.

Big Boss Man is tired of Bobby Heenan talking about his mama and has run through the Heenan Family. Now Mr. Perfect, and the Intercontinental Title, are all that’s left.

Bobby Heenan references the Rodney King beating and promises you’ll see something similar when Mr. Perfect beats up the Big Boss Man.

Intercontinental Title: Big Boss Man vs. Mr. Perfect

Boss Man is challenging after spending months beating up the rest of the Heenan Family (Rick Rude was originally going to be included but he left the company in the fall). Alfred Hayes is joining commentary to replace Heenan, who is in Perfect’s corner. Boss Man catches Perfect’s towel and cleans himself off with it, much to Perfect’s annoyance. Perfect gets knocked around as the beating is on, including Perfect charging into a boot in the corner.

There’s the big toss over the top and you know Perfect is going to take a huge bump off that one. Back in and Boss Man takes off his belt, only to have Perfect take him away and start hammering him down. Some shots to the back keep Boss Man in trouble and we hit the abdominal stretch. With that broken up, a good looking dropkick gives Perfect two and the neck snap makes it worse.

The PerfectPlex is countered into a small package for two but Perfect knocks him down again. Perfect goes up and dives onto a raised boot, setting up the ram into the buckle for another huge Perfect bump. Boss Man crotches him against the post but a Heenan distraction lets Perfect send him into the steps.

With the numbers advantage causing issues, Andre the Giant (oh boy) comes out to….well it’s not exactly even but it definitely changes things. As you might expect, Heenan panics so Perfect goes after Andre, who smacks him in the face with the Intercontinental Title. A VERY delayed cover gets two and here are Haku and Barbarian to jump Boss Man for the DQ at 10:46.

Rating: C. There was a lot going on here but I still don’t get why Boss Man didn’t win the title. That would seem to be the most obvious ending but instead it just goes nowhere, with Boss Man getting the “feel good” win. Perfect very easily could have wont he title back a month or so later, but at least we got one more Andre appearance where he looked somewhat mobile.

Gene Okerlund interviews……Donald Trump, who hopes to have Wrestlemania back in Atlantic City. Chuck Norris is here too, and thinks the wrestlers are great athletes, even name dropping Argentina Rocca of all people. Henry Winkler is happy the Ultimate Warrior won. Lou Ferrigno finds this really entertaining. I need a Christmas special where those four get together and save Santa Claus.

Earthquake vs. Greg Valentine

Jimmy Hart is here with Earthquake. This is my regular chance to ask what the heck the WWF was thinking by making Valentine a good guy around this time. Earthquake starts fast and hits an early powerslam for two as the dominance seems to be on. Valentine avoids a charge in the corner and slowly hammers away. A running elbow to the head actually puts Earthquake down on one knee and a middle rope version actually knocks him down. The Figure Four is blocked and Hart offers a distraction, allowing Earthquake to drop the elbow. The Earthquake finishes Valentine at 3:17.

Rating: D+. The match was fine enough and Valentine got in some offense, but there is only so much that you can get out of this situation. Earthquake cleaned Valentine out and beat him without much effort. I’m still not sure who saw Valentine as a good guy but to call it a flop would be too kind.

The Legion of Doom promise to make Power And Glory sour and gory. That’s a heck of a line.

Legion of Doom vs. Power And Glory

Slick is here with Power And Glory. The Doomsday Device finishes Roma at 58 seconds and the LOD wants the Tag Team Titles.

We recap Virgil vs. Ted DiBiase. Virgil had been mistreated for years and FINALLY snapped at the Royal Rumble after a tag match with DiBiase. Roddy Piper has been supporting Virgil, despite Piper being in a horrible motorcycle accident that has left him barely able to walk at the moment.

Virgil vs. Ted DiBiase

Roddy Piper is here with Virgil, who punches DiBiase outside to start. With DiBiase back inside, Virgil punches him right back to the floor. Back in again and DiBiase gets clotheslined to the floor as the frustrations continue. A slower DiBiase gets back inside and this time a few shots slow Virgil down.

The beating is on, including a piledriver for two as commentary talks about how big of a show this has been. A suplex drops Virgil again and DiBiase heads outside to deck Piper. Back in and a powerslam gives DiBiase two but Piper uses his crutch to low bridge DiBiase to the floor. DiBiase goes after Piper but gets counted out at 7:42.

Rating: C-. As has been said, the problem with Virgil is that there just wasn’t anything there in the ring. His punches were his best weapon, as other than that, he was as generic as you could get. Getting the win over DiBiase was a nice moment, but they didn’t exactly make it feel like a big deal. It would have been too much to see Virgil pin him, but this wasn’t exactly thrilling.

Post match DiBiase goes after Piper’s knee again, with Sherri running in to help with the beating. Some crutch shots to the knee have Piper in trouble but Virgil gets up for the save. Piper is in agony but Virgil tells him to get up. Then Piper gets up with Virgil’s help.

Sean Mooney sends us to a recap of Sgt. Slaughter vs. Hulk Hogan. Slaughter has been playing by a new set of rules, including burning a Hulk Rules shirt. Adnan and Slaughter come in, with Adnan ranting a lot before we look at Slaughter jumping Hogan recently. Slaughter threatens to get himself disqualified or counted out in the main event. It doesn’t help that Slaughter getting disqualified or counted out was his best chance to retain the title.

Mountie vs. Tito Santana

Just in case the show hasn’t gone on long enough yet. Santana knocks him outside to start and hammers away back inside but Jimmy Hart slips Mountie the shock stick. One electrocution (and a joke about bad Mexican food from Heenan) and Santana is done at 1:21. This might be the all time definition of needless filler.

Hulk Hogan promises to use secret weapons to win the WWF Title. And no, a beating from Sgt. Slaughter isn’t slowing him down.

WWF Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Sgt. Slaughter

Slaughter, with General Adnan, is defending, Marla Maples is the guest timekeeper, Alex Trebek is the guest ring announcer and Regis Philbin is on commentary. Hogan chases Adnan and Slaughter around to start before Slaughter even takes the belt off. We then pause for Slaughter to get ready before hitting the stall button for a bit longer. They lock up (accidentally knocking the referee down) and slaughter is sent into the corner.

Back up and Hogan runs him over with a shoulder, sending the champ outside. Slaughter grabs a chair but Hogan is waiting for him. Instead they head back inside, where Slaughter pokes him in the eye to take over. Heenan has to explain some of the backstory to Regis as Hogan slugs away to put Slaughter in the corner. Some rams into the buckle keep Slaughter in trouble as this isn’t exactly thrilling so far.

There’s a backdrop to Slaughter and a running knee sends him into the corner again. A catapult into the corner sets up the raining down right hands but Slaughter knocks a diving Hogan out of the air. Hogan shrugs that off and drops a bunch of elbows before going to the top (oh dear) where Adnan’s distraction lets Slaughter slam him down. Now a chair to the back can keep Hogan down on the floor, followed by the slow beating back inside.

Slaughter complains about the speed of a two count and the referee yells right back. The Boston crab goes on, all of four inches from the rope, so Hogan tries to power out anyway. With that not working, Hogan grabs the rope to escape, which feels pretty out of character. Some knees to the back set up a top rope knee to the back but for some reason Adnan distracts the referee, allowing Hogan to kick out.

A chair to the head busts Hogan open so Slaughter pounds away on the head and grabs the camel clutch. Hogan powers up again and escapes but Slaughter sends him into the corner. Slaughter puts the Iraqi flag onto Hogan and that’s enough for the Hulk Up. Said flag is destroyed and Hogan throws the punches, setting up the big boot and leg to get the title back at 20:22. Monsoon: “The war is now officially over.”

Rating: C+. The problem here is that it isn’t a bad match, but it might be the most obvious result in the history of….well perhaps human kind. Desert Storm was already over so this was just a formality, as Slaughter was a short form champion from the second he won the belt. Hogan did his normal match here, albeit a bit longer than usual, and the Hulk Up was short even by his standards. It’s completely fine, but with the war already over, it was nowhere near the feel good, special moment they were hoping it would be.

Hogan poses and waves the American flag to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This is a show that has good pieces but DESPERATELY needed to be trimmed down. Would anyone have missed Earthquake vs. Valentine, Santana vs. Mountie or Von Erich vs. Bravo? The main event is on the lower end of Wrestlemania main events and the celebrity stuff is horrid. At the same time, Warrior vs. Savage is a classic and there is some other good stuff in there, but they really needed to cut this down by at least thirty minutes to get rid of some of the drag.

 

Ratings Comparison

Rockers vs. Haku/Barbarian

Original: B
2013 Redo: B
2015 Redo: B
2023 Redo: C+

Texas Tornado vs. Dino Bravo

Original: F
2013 Redo: D
2015 Redo: D-
2023 Redo: D

British Bulldog vs. Warlord

Original: B-
2013 Redo: C+
2015 Redo: C-
2023 Redo: C

Nasty Boys vs. Hart Foundation

Original: C-
2013 Redo: B-
2015 Redo: C+
2023 Redo: C

Jake Roberts vs. Rick Martel

Original: F
2013 Redo: F
2015 Redo: F-
2023 Redo: D

Undertaker vs. Jimmy Snuka

Original: D+
2013 Redo: D+
2015 Redo: D
2023 Redo: D+

Ultimate Warrior vs. Randy Savage

Original: A+
2013 Redo: A
2015 Redo: A
2023 Redo: A-

Genichiro Tenryu/Koji Kitao vs. Demolition

Original: W (For What were they thinking)
2013 Redo: D+
2015 Redo: D-
2023 Redo: D

Big Boss Man vs. Mr. Perfect

Original: C-
2013 Redo: C
2015 Redo: C+
2023 Redo: C

Earthquake vs. Greg Valentine

Original: N/A
2013 Redo: F+
2015 Redo: D
2023 Redo: D+

Legion of Doom vs. Power and Glory

Original: N/A
2013 Redo: N/A
2015 Redo: N/A
2023 Redo: N/A

Virgil vs. Ted DiBiase

Original: C-
2013 Redo: D
2015 Redo: D+
2023 Redo: C-

The Mountie vs. Tito Santana

Original: N/A
2013 Redo: N/A
2015 Redo: N/A
2023 Redo: N/A

Hulk Hogan vs. Sgt. Slaughter

Original: C+
2013 Redo: C
2015 Redo: C+
2023 Redo: C-

Overall Rating

Original: C
2013 Redo: B-
2015 Redo: B-
2023 Redo: C-

I’ve really come down on this one over the years and other than maybe boosting up Savage vs. Warrior a bit more, I’m not sure how I had some of those earlier ratings.

Here is the original if you’re interested:

The 2013 Edition:

And the 2015 Edition:http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/16/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-vii-no-that-isnt-a-tear-in-my-eye/

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Monday Night Raw
Date: July 4, 1994
Location: Westchester County Civic Center, White Plains, New York
Attendance: 3,400
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Randy Savage

This is the last month of 1994 that I have to cover and we are freshly done with King Of The Ring. That means we now have King Owen, the King Of Harts, who is still not happy with his brother Bret. Odds are we will be hearing something from him as we are on the long road to Summerslam. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Gorilla and Savage are VERY happy that it’s the 4th of July. They also run down the crowd, though not quite as excitedly.

Tatanka vs. Jeff Jarrett

Tatanka strikes away to start and sends Jarrett into the corner, followed by a slightly delayed suplex for two. Jarrett is right back with a takedown into the chinlock, which lasts as long as the average chinlock. Back up and Tatanka grabs a Japanese armdrag before grinding away on a headlock. Naturally Jarrett, an old school heel, claims a pull of the hair and gets absolutely nowhere by doing so. Lying is bad you see.

Jarrett manages to send him outside for a needed breather so Tatanka follows, earning some rams into the apron. A good posting cuts off the comeback attempt and that’s a countout at 6:11. Hold on though as Jarrett doesn’t want it that way and wants a restart. After some insults to Randy Savage on commentary, Jarrett gets what he wants and we take a break.

Back with Jarrett grabbing the chinlock to keep Tatanka in trouble. Tatanka fights up and grabs a sleeper, only to be rammed into the buckle for another break. We hit the sleeper for a good while until Tatanka fights up, leaving Jarrett to ram him into the buckle. That means nothing on Tatanka (because stereotype reasons), who is back with a DDT for two. A top rope chop to the head has Jarrett trying to run off but Dink of all people stops him. Doink comes out with a bucket to chase Jarrett back inside, where Tatanka grabs a rollup for the pin at 16:09.

Rating: C. This got some time and the ending played into the Doink stuff, but it’s a case where the match is more long than good. The chinlock and sleeper felt like they were going on for a rather long time and that didn’t make for the best match. Jarrett did the “I don’t want a countout” thing for months on the house shows so it makes sense for him to bring it to Raw.

Video on Bret Hart defending the WWF Title against the 1-2-3 Kid next week.

It’s time for the King’s Court with Jerry Lawler, whose guest is the 1-2-3 Kid himself. After some jokes about how small/skinny the Kid is, here he is to a rather nice reaction. Lawler tells the Kid to ignore the fans and tells him to go win the title because Lawler hates Bret Hart that much. The Kid praises Bret but Lawler says that’s no attitude to win the title. Lawler keeps saying to win the title for him but the Kid says he’s doing it for himself. And that’s about it.

Come to house shows!

Jim Neidhart vs. Gary Scott

Neidhart has Owen Hart with him and launches Scott with an early backdrop. The chinlock goes on as commentary speaks about the dangers of Thurman Plugg. The fans want Bret but have to settle for Neidhart sending him hard into the corner and biting away. Scott gets tied in the Tree of Woe to keep up the beating and we hit the chinlock. Neidhart sends him outside for some yelling from Owen, followed by a powerslam for the pin at 3:59.

Rating: C-. Neidhart is someone who made sense for the role as he tied into the whole Hart Family story, but that doesn’t mean he was exactly interesting. He always had the problem of being fairly uninteresting without Bret in there with him but at least he’s something different. Not an interesting squash here, but at least it gets better when Bret is around.

Duke Droese vs. Mike Sharpe

A trashman vs. a known clean freak. This really just doesn’t seem fair. Droese slams him down to start but Sharpe actually gets in some forearms to the back. Back up and Droese gets in some rams into the corner before elbowing him in the face as commentary talks about tennis. A big elbow finishes for Droese at 4:00.

Rating: C. Droese is someone who felt like he could have been something, or at least something more than what he was here. It’s a gimmick that is never going to get him anywhere but he did put the effort into tring something with it. Not much of a squash, but I’ve always had a soft spot for Droese.

We get the BRET vignette with the kid shouting and then saying go get em champ. That’s as 90s as you can get, even if it’s based on something from the 70s.

Fake Undertaker vs. Mike Bell

Ted DiBiase is here with Fake Undertaker, who starts a bit faster than usual for an Undertaker match. We go through the slightly complicated managerial history of Undertaker over the years as he chokes away in the corner and grabs a drop toehold of all things. Fake drops an elbow and sits up, much to DiBiase’s delight. Old School sets up more choking and the Tombstone finishes Bell at 4:01.

Rating: C-. They were in a weird place here as it was pretty clearly not the same Undertaker yet commentary was acting like it was really him, which made things rather odd. The match was the usual squash, but seeing someone who looks like the Undertaker doing a drop toehold was weird enough. At least Fake had a good looking Tombstone, which is one of the most important aspects.

Post match Paul Bearer comes out and Fake seems conflicted. Post break, DiBiase uses the power of money to calm things down.

Post another break, Jerry Lawler asks Ted DiBiase to be on the King’s Court next week and Lawler even offers to do it on location so DiBiase doesn’t have to be around the people.

Overall Rating: C-. Pretty bleh show here, especially for a major holiday. Maybe they were punting for a change but other than Randy Savage’s outfit and a few mentions, you would have no idea that this was on the 4th of July. The Fake Undertaker stuff was the big draw and that is hardly must see. That Kid vs. Hart match does sound good though and we should be in for a solid one next week.

 

 

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So in short, I could not have phoned these in more last year if I tried. They were pathetic and I was called out for not putting in the effort, which absolutely was the case. I could feel it as I was writing them and yeah, they were lame. I’m going to trim this down a bit as there are some categories that I’ll be dropping. Some of them have just been around because I’ve done them for years and that’s no reason to keep going with something.

I’ll also be cutting out some of the rather needless Honorable Mentions, as it felt more like I needed to fill in space rather than having something to say about it. If there are multiple options for something then sure, but there are some that are just not worth talking about anything but the winner. I’m also going to try to avoid repeating the same things in different awards, as you’re smart enough to get the point the first time around. I hope you like these better, because point blank you deserve better if you’re going to give me your time.

Note that I do not watch much in the ways of independent wrestling or much from Japan or Mexico. If there is something glaring missing, it’s because I probably didn’t see it or didn’t see enough of someone to include them

Also note that I intentionally left off Worst Major Show Of The Year, as looking back over what would be considered major gave me a B- as the lowest overall rating. If that’s the worst we had, there’s no need to include it this time around. Rookie/Newcomer Of The Year was left off as well as no one really stood out enough.

News Story Of The Year

Winner: WWE Sold To Endeavor

This is one where I can save time from the start because there is no other realistic option. WWE has been in the hands of the McMahon Family since its inception and that is no longer the case. Whether you liked Vince McMahon or not, there is no denying that he was the king of wrestling. Now, McMahon’s time with the company, at least the on-screen part of it, is over, and that is an amazing change.

In addition to that, you have the fallout that comes with it. Triple H is now in charge and things seem to be going better already. There are reports of higher morale along with the stories and television being better. WWE is clearly on a high from the changes and my goodness that is a fun thing to be able to say. When is the last time WWE had this much energy and this long of a streak without being so bad?

McMahon being gone is not just going to be a case of addition by subtraction, but it also opens up a variety of doors. Endeavor is a media powerhouse and the company could bring quite a bit more to WWE. This is an exciting time and it all came from the huge sale, which absolutely shook up the wrestling world. On top of even that, it didn’t get sold to the Saudis, which would have taken things in the completely wrong direction. This is hands down the winner and it’s a good story to have on top.

Note that I’m intentionally leaving off Bray Wyatt passing away, as it’s worth a mention, but calling it honorable feels wrong.

Most Improved Of The Year

Winner: Dominik Mysterio

This is kind of a gimme again, as Mysterio went from nothing more than Rey’s son to a completely separate entity who can do all kids of things on his own. The key was getting him away from his legendary father, who was (unintentionally) holding him back. Remember about three years ago when Dominik was the annoying kid who was fighting Seth Rollins in the never ending Rollins vs. Rey feud?

Well now he’s in the big Raw heel stable, is a multiple time singles champion, had an outstanding team with Rhea Ripley and had an incredible entrance/match at Wrestlemania. Who in the world saw that coming just a few years ago? Oh and on top of that: he gets booed out of the building so hard that the fans won’t even let him talk. It’s amazing to see what he is doing and my goodness the kid actually seems to have a real future with this stuff.

Honorable Mention: Rhea Ripley

This one might sound a little weird but think about it. Ripley had one previous Women’s Title run on the main roster and it was nothing special in the slightest. She was a star, but she was barely on the top shelf of the women’s division. Compare that to now, when she is not only the biggest star in the women’s division (by a mile) but feels like one of the biggest stars in all of WWE. Her telling Paul Heyman to acknowledge her made me gasp because it actually worked and didn’t feel like a cheap line. Ripley has gone from good to one of the biggest stars in the history of women’s wrestling and that deserves a lot of respect.

Non-Wrestler Of The Year

Winner: Paul Heyman

Ok let’s get this easy part out of the way, because the honorable mentions are a bit more interesting here. Heyman is still one of the best talkers in the world and can make you believe anything he’s talking about. That is a skill few have had in wrestling history and he more than deserves the praise. We might as well name the award after him at this point, but there are a few other options here.

Honorable Mention: Renee Paquette

Is there anything she can’t do? Paquette has an ability to go from the fun interviewer to serious to disgusted in the blink of an eye. She actually brings something to her role and that is not something you get very often. Yes there are a lot of people who are able to go out there and ask questions, but there is a lot more to it than holding up the microphone and standing there. Paquette gets that and she makes it work like no one else right now.

Honorable Mention: Prince Nana

It’s the dance. If that doesn’t get you some respect, nothing is going to.

Honorable Mention: Scott D’Amore

Being the boss is not an easy role for a wrestler and D’Amore does it as well as anyone else right now. He plays the role perfectly well and doesn’t waste a lot of time with anything he does. It feels like a real person doing his job (read as he’s not Santino Marella) and I never dread seeing him on the show. D’Amore is someone who doesn’t get the attention he deserves and while he might not be the best around, he’s perfect at what he does.

Surprise Of The Year

Winner: CM Punk Returns At Survivor Series

At the end of the day, this feels like the definition of a surprise. I know they were teasing it for a few weeks, but it’s Punk returning to WWE. This is in the same vein as Bret Hart returning to WWE in 2010 and yet here we are, seeing something that felt absolutely impossible for the better part of the last ten years. The fact that Punk seems primed for a major Wrestlemania match makes it that much better as there are some serious possibilities.

The best praise I can give this moment is that I was stunned. It takes a lot to truly surprise me these days but they managed to make it happen. That takes some talent and I’m very interested in seeing where Punk is going to be going from here. There is a very good chance that it doesn’t work, but my goodness Punk actually came back to WWE after all that time.

Honorable Mention: AEW Brings Back And Fires CM Punk

This is something that felt like a possibility but then it actually happened. Punk being brought back was a big enough surprise after all of the hullabaloo but then everything went nuts again and he was let go a few months later. It ends a total mess, though there is a very real chance that this winds up being a bigger mess for AEW if everything works out for Punk in WWE.

Honorable Mention: The Rock Shows Up On Smackdown

Yes he does this on occasion but that doesn’t mean it’s any less awesome. The Rock showed up on Smackdown and beat up Austin Theory in a cool moment, at least partially due to him appearing on ESPN College Gameday around the same time. Either way, you can feel the energy when the Rock shows up and that was on full display here.

Honorable Mention: Adam Copeland Debuts For AEW

There isn’t much to say here, but it was a cool moment and made up for a not so thrilling pay per view. That’s at least worth a mention.

Honorable Mentions: AEW Knocks All In Out Of The Park

When I first heard that AEW was going to Wembley for their biggest show ever, I (like many others) rolled my eyes because it felt like a horrible idea. Then they absolutely smashed the whole thing, making it look and feel like their version of Wrestlemania. This was an outstanding moment and something AEW should be bragging about for a good while.

Honorable Mention: Impact Wrestling Becomes TNA Again

It was a surprise. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing but it was certainly a surprise.

Worst Wrestler Of The Year

Note that this would probably be better named “Most Annoying Wrestler Of The Year” as it isn’t about their in-ring work.

Co-Winner: Joe Gacy

He’s a cult guy and somehow makes it as terrible as possible. At the end of the day, Gacy had a cult that was never really explained and it seemed to exist for him to to his stupid speeches that said nothing in particular. I dreaded seeing him show up on NXT and it never got any better throughout the year. Even now that Schism is done, we have to deal with Gacy doing….whatever it is now, and it’s terrible.

Co-Winner: Deaner

Somehow this guy is the discount version of Gacy and while he might be worse, he wasn’t featured as prominently so we’ll call it a wash. Violent By Design was terrible enough and now he’s managing to take his own version to even lower levels. That is hard to manage to make work but Deaner has somehow manages to make it worse. Absolutely cannot stand this guy and hopefully he’s done with this nonsense with the new TNA stuff.

Honorable Mention: Akira Tozawa

This one is a stretch but I cannot stand “designated comedy guys” but that is what Tozawa has become in the Alpha Academy. He’s there to do “funny”/”wacky” stuff and it has yet to come close to entertaining me whatsoever.

Honorable Mention: QTV (Powerhouse Hobbs Version)

If anyone can explain what this did for Hobbs, you’re a lot smarter than me. At least the Johnny TV stuff was a bit better, but my goodness this was some terrible stuff.

Honorable Mention: Top Dolla

It’s Top Dolla.

Wrestler Of The Year

Winner: Maxwell Jacob Friedman

I’m not sure if MJF is that much better than everyone else, but he beats the rest of the options. Not only has he dominated the AEW World Title scene, but he has the talking ability to go with it. His stuff with Adam Cole was the best thing about a pretty weak time for AEW and while we won’t be seeing him for a bit due to the injury, I’ll take what he did in 2023 over anyone else.

Honorable Mention: Cody Rhodes

To say Rhodes was on fire for the first part of the year would be an understatement, and even after the complete weirdness that was the main event of Wrestlemania, he was still headlining the biggest show of the year. He came back with a heck of a feud against Brock Lesnar and then closed it out with a good feud against Judgment Day. The big Royal Rumble win helps, but not winning the World Title brings him down just enough to keep him out of the top spot.

Honorable Mention: Gunther

Gunther very well may have become the best Intercontinental Champion of all time, set the record for longest reign in history, and can break the record for most combined days as champion if he holds the title for about three more weeks. The best thing I can say about Gunther though is that he brings the big fight feel. He made a feud with Chad Gable must see TV because the idea of him losing the title felt almost impossible to believe. Gunther is going to be in the main event scene by the end of the year and it comes after a heck of a 2023.

Honorable Mention: Seth Rollins

This is one that kind of speaks for itself. He’s been one of the focal points of Raw for the better part of a year, has good matches with just everyone and is presented as the top star on the shoe. That deserves a mention and he’s getting just that here.

Honorable Mention: Samoa Joe

Joe might not have had the most complete year, but dang there is something special about seeing him. He’s the definition of “I can’t convince them that this is real, but I can convince them that I’m real” and that is invaluable. It is great to see him out there feeling like the most awesome thing around and it feels like he knows that’s what he is. It’s no surprise that he wound up getting the AEW World Title because he has more than earned it.

Honorable Mention: Rhea Ripley

I didn’t bother with a Women’s Wrestler of the Year because Ripley exists. She has gone so far and above the rest of the women’s division (pretty much everywhere) that it wasn’t worth a competition. Ripley is one of the biggest stars in wrestling and she got her big moment at Wrestlemania. She doesn’t wrestle very often, but her presence alone feels like a big deal and that is what makes her special.

Major Show Of The Year

So rather than trying to list a bunch of shows, I’ll be going with the shows I gave the highest overall rating this year. For the sake of avoiding a bunch of pitchforks, I’ll go with one each from WWE and AEW (the fact that they tied helped as well).

Winner (WWE): Backlash

While I would go with Wrestlemania higher overall, Backlash on its own was better than either night on its own. Backlash had a molten hot crowd with some outstanding matches. Watching the fans turn Iyo Sky into one of the biggest stars in the world all of a sudden was great, but they blew the roof off the place when Bad Bunny showed up. This was a show where the crowd took it from great (which it was) to special, which is all the more important. This was an awesome show and one I wouldn’t mind watching again.

Winner (AEW): Full Gear

This was a three way race along with Forbidden Door and All In. Forbidden Door didn’t quite work as well as it felt like a co-production rather than an AEW show and All In, unfortunately, is remembered more for the backstage insanity rather than how great the show was. That leaves us with Full Gear, which was full of strong matches and felt like one of the great AEW shows from years past.

Worst Match Of The Year

Winner: Pheromones vs. Bussy – GCW vs. DDT

Do not watch this. Do not look this up. Do not accuse it of being wrestling. This is in the running for worst thing I have ever seen in wrestling and that’s covering a lot.

Honorable Mention: Pheromones vs. Takagi Army – DDT Goes Hollywood

This ONLY received an F. Nothing is coming close to these two and it didn’t take any real thinking.

Worst Angle/Feud Of The Year

Winner: Adam Cole vs. Chris Jericho

These two had a singles match at Double Or Nothing which for some reason involved Sabu as the guest enforcer. That alone put the feud off on the wrong foot and then it went even further down the hole as Sabu was every bit as terrible as you could imagine. The match wasn’t any good either, leaving everything to fall apart for nineteen agonizing minutes. Their mixed tag follow up wasn’t much better, making this one of the biggest “why is this happening and why is it so bad” feuds in recent memory.

Honorable Mention: The Outcasts

AEW is supposed to be different than WWE but they couldn’t have had a more WWE style angle if their lives depended on it. This was every stereotypical women’s moment you could ask for as the Outcasts were NWO Lite, with a feud that just kept going and little to care about. Thankfully Toni Storm escaped to do something else, because this is just death for everyone involved.

Honorable Mention: Fall Of Chase U

Chase U is one of the goofiest things in wrestling today but Andre Chase has made it work through almost pure willpower. The thing is so ridiculous and silly but it turned into a fan favorite with the team FINALLY winning something in the Tag Team Titles. Then they lost the titles three weeks later and the school was involved in a weird cheating scandal which seems to be leading to its decline. The whole thing was such a hard shift after something actually went right and I don’t get the point. It’s more disappointing than anything else and I’m actually bugged it went this way.

Honorable Mention: Tommy Dreamer vs. Bully Ray

ECW has been over for twenty three years and these two are still having violent hardcore matches. As has been said for the last 15+ years: LET IT END ALREADY.

Promo Of The Year

Winner: Jimmy Uso Is Out

Backstage at the entrance to the Memphis television studios, there was a sign that said “personal issues draw money”. That is what we had here, with Jey Uso having to pick which side he was on. While Jey was thinking about going with Jimmy, Roman Reigns revealed that Jimmy was the one who didn’t want Jey to become the next right hand man.

What followed was a promo that came from Jey’s heart and soul, as he vented about always being the younger brother and how Jimmy was always the one who got his way and was always the star. Jey wrapped it up by saying that for the first time, Jimmy was the one who was out….and then Jey superkicked Reigns to say they were both out.

This whole thing was a roller coaster and I wanted to see how it was going to end, as they went from one direction to the other in just a few seconds. As has been said: this worked because they had built the story up and when it came to a big moment, it was a smash. The fact that I was in person for this made it even better, as the roof came off of the place when Jey gave the (second) big line.

Honorable Mention: Cody Rhodes Face To Face With Roman Reigns

This was a feud that had to be built up over time, as you had a pair of second generation wrestlers who knew what they were doing and had to bring the crowd into the palms of their hands. This was the night where Reigns laid out the WWE Title and asked if Rhodes had ever won that one, with Rhodes talking about how much he wanted to do this for his father. You had two guys who don’t get a ton of praise for their talking showing what they could do and it was great.

Honorable Mention: Chris Jericho and Will Ospreay’s Contract Signing

Honorable Mention: LA Knight’s Bray Wyatt Tribute Promo

I don’t get choked up much while watching wrestling. Knight saying “run” at the end of his promo on Miz did it.

Group/Tag Team Of The Year

Winner: Usos

FTR originally had this spot but the more I thought about it, the more impressive the Usos’ year really was. Not only were they still one of the best teams in the world, but they headlined Wrestlemania, pinned Roman Reigns, and had one of the best moments of the year. The Usos are one of the best teams WWE has seen in a long time and the fact that they were pushed as hard and as strong as they were this year shows you just how important they are.

Honorable Mention: Bloodline

If this was an award for most of the year, you could give this to the Bloodline in a heartbeat, but once Summerslam was over, the team just stopped being interesting. Again it’s almost like having Roman Reigns leaving for months on end is an easy way to kill off the biggest story in wrestling. There was little more interesting in the first half of the year though, and that puts them rather high on the list.

Honorable Mention: Judgment Day

They’ve been up and down for a lot of the year, but the team has had success while being a constant on Monday Night Raw. Rhea Ripley has more or less taken over the team and become one of the biggest stars in WWE at the same time. If the team had gotten that one big win they would have a better chance at this, but they’re just not high up enough.

Honorable Mention: FTR

I originally had these guys as the winners but I’m not sure they were quite as high up on the list as the Usos. As usual, FTR is going to have a good to great match against just about anyone and their stuff against Bullet Club Gold was outstanding. At the same time though, they’ve kind of flown under the radar, despite being one of the best teams in recent memory. FTR is still one of the best things about all of AEW and that is rather impressive.

Honorable Mention: Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens

They’re not a real threat to win, but that Wrestlemania main event and some of their ensuing matches were more than worth a look. They’re a great team and seeing them get that huge moment in the main event of Wrestlemania is incredible.

Angle/Feud Of The Year

Winner: The Battle For Jey Uso

You often hear about long term storytelling in wrestling but it is so rare to actually see it. Every so often you will see it happen and when it is done right, there is little like it anywhere to be found. WWE did it with this story though and my goodness it was amazing. The whole Bloodline story has seen Uso rise up from nothing more than a heck of a tag team wrestler to become one of the most intriguing stars the company has.

Uso has been groomed as Roman Reigns’ next big star almost since the beginning of the Bloodline, with the story having a variety of twists and turns. Once Jimmy came back from injury, he and Jey became the most dominant team in modern WWE, but at the same time, they were still individuals with their own personalities. They kept having issues over whether or not Reigns was really in their corner, with Reigns and Paul Heyman playing on the idea of Jey finally getting to be the big star.

That all came to a head with Jey’s speech to Jimmy about Jimmy always being the older brother and Jey always living in his shadow. The twist then came with Jey realizing that Reigns was trying to split them apart when his brother, the one who had been right there with him since the beginning, was always right there by his side. The two joined together, because at the end of the day, family is what matters over power. That’s what Reigns never realized, with Jey showing the real version of the Bloodline rather than whatever Reigns has been pushing for years.

Honorable Mention: Cody Rhodes vs. Brock Lesnar

It’s the kind of story that Rhodes needed to have after the loss to Roman Reigns. There is almost no one in WWE history like Lesnar and while he has become something of a cliché these days, it still means something when someone beats him. Rhodes did it twice in a year and even got Lesnar’s respect after the last match. That’s not bad.

Honorable Mention: The Brochachos

This was, for a time, the best thing about AEW, as the two of them were absolutely hysterical together with one over the top idea after another. They then headlined the biggest show in AEW history and had the big reveal at the last show of the year. The ending didn’t exactly go well (partially due to both of them getting terribly hurt) but these guys were great at what they did for a good while.

Honorable Mention: Rey Mysterio vs. Dominik Mysterio

This is almost something of a career achievement award for Dominik, as he has gone from little more than a whipping boy to one of the best stars in WWE today. Their Wrestlemania match was a near show stealer and Dominik’s entrance alone was great. This was the feud that Dominik needed and he knocked it out of the park as his career is taking off in a huge way.

Moment Of The Year

Co-Winner: Jey Uso Is Out Too.

I’m more than a bit biased towards this one as I was in the arena live. You could feel the air go out of the place when Jey told Jimmy that he was out….but then Jey said he was out too and the roof came off. To make it even better, you had Roman Reigns laughing his head off because he thought he had won, only to get DROPPED with the superkick. Throw in Paul Heyman panicking over the whole thing and this was one of the best moments I’ve seen in longer than I can remember.

Co-Winner: Sami Zayn Turns On Roman Reigns

Yeah I’m cheating but I can’t pick between these two. There are times in wrestling where you can tell how big something is by how the audience reactions. That was more than the case here as the Alamodome didn’t cheer for Zayn turning on Reigns at the Royal Rumble but rather completely lost their minds. It was one of the loudest reactions I’ve ever heard and that shouldn’t be a surprise.

The reason this worked was you could see what was happening to Zayn and how sincere he was to want to help everyone while Reigns was only using him. It made Reigns pushing him over and over that much better as fans wanted Zayn to fight back and stop taking this from him, which made that chair shot all the better.

It was the same way that the Shield was broken up, which led Reigns to form the Bloodline in the first place (he couldn’t trust his friends but he KNEW he could trust family….and the one non-family member was the one who turned on him). This was the real main event of the Royal Rumble and even set up two more main events in a row. Where else are you going to get that kind of a moment?

Honorable Mention: The Rock Returns On Smackdown

This one is kind of self explanatory as it’s always cool to see the Rock come back, even if it’s just to beat someone up and promote whatever he’s doing.

Honorable Mention: CM Punk Returns To WWE

I didn’t think it would ever happen and yet here it was. They even did the copyright logo before having him come out, just to make it feel that much more out of left field.

Honorable Mention: Sami Zayn’s Elimination Chamber Entrance

There is very little like a hometown return in wrestling and Zayn got the full hero’s welcome, even when he wound up losing to Reigns. This was set up with Zayn as a near dark horse candidate to win the title, but the entrance alone was more than worth it.

Honorable Mention: Bad Bunny At Backlash

This was one of the best shows of the year and Bad Bunny might as well have been 1999 Steve Austin out there. The fans ate the whole thing up and you could feel the energy coming through the screen.

Honorable Mention: The Bray Wyatt Tribute Video

When his daughters were shown on screen….my goodness.

Honorable Mention: All In

AEW wanted to make a Wrestlemania level show and that’s what they did. This felt like one of the biggest shows ever and the visual when the show came on the air felt every bit like a Wrestlemania opening. That is an outstanding accomplishment and AEW deserves every single bit of praise they received.

Match Of The Year

Winner: Drew McIntyre vs. Gunther vs. Sheamus – Wrestlemania XXXIX

This is one of the matches that stuck with me for a good bit, to the point where I actually watched it again after. That isn’t something I have any interest in doing most of the time but my goodness it worked well. These guys beat the living daylights out of each other in a match where you could feel every single shot. It was exactly what it was advertised as being and All three were clearly having a blast hitting each other than hard. You don’t get this kind of a match very often but when it works, it’s excellent, and that was the case here.

Honorable Mention: FTR vs. Bullet Club Gold – Collision

It was 2/3 falls, it ran about an hour and my goodness it was excellent. This was one of the better TV matches I’ve seen in a very long time and it was absolutely worth the look. Check this out if you haven’t had the chance before.

Honorable Mention: Cody Rhodes vs. Roman Reigns – Wrestlemania XXXIX

There are matches that are built up over time and feel like they belong on the biggest stage of them all. That is the level they reached with this one and it very well could have been the winner if Cody hadn’t choked in the biggest match of his life. I’m still not sure they made the right decision here but dang it was good while it lasted.

Honorable Mention: Swerve Strickland vs. Hangman Page – Full Gear

This was the violent match on the list as it was one of the bloodiest things that AEW has ever done. They might have gone on a hair too long, but it was the kind of match that makes someone a star. After it was over, Strickland seemed ready to move into the World Title picture, which is the level of praise that the match deserved.

Honorable Mention: Bryan Danielson vs. Kazuchika Okada – Forbidden Door

It was a match where you knew it was going to be good based on who was involved and then they lived up to the hype. The fact that Danielson had a broken arm for a good chunk of the match makes it that much more impressive.

Honorable Mention: Bryan Danielson vs. Maxwell Jacob Friedman – Revolution

This was an Iron Man match and they managed to tell a heck of a story, with MJF having to prove that he can wrestle with Danielson and Danielson getting a bit too cocky. They made the time limit fly by and it was a great main event despite a tricky gimmick to pull off.

Royal Rumble 2023
Date: January 28, 2023
Location: Alamodome, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 51,338
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Pat McAfee

As usual, it’s hard to believe that a year has passed since this show and now we get to see how it holds up. There are of course two Royal Rumble matches, plus Kevin Owens getting another title shot against Roman Reigns. The bigger story though is Sami Zayn, who has been having some issues with Reigns, his Bloodline boss, coming into the show. Let’s get to it.

Musician Hardy talks about knowing what it takes to become someone. We get some previews of the show’s big matches. Well as many big ones as you can on a card with five matches. Hardy says when you get the chance, kick the door down.

The announcers welcome us to the show….and Pat McAfee is here as a surprise commentator. Graves is FURIOUS and Cole sounds shocked that he’s here. Cole isn’t sure how McAfee could be here when he talked to him on Face Time earlier today. McAfee: “Yeah I lied straight to your face.” Graves’ reaction alone is worth a listen as he won’t stop yelling.

Men’s Royal Rumble

90 second intervals with Gunther in at #1 and Sheamus is in at #2. Believe it or not, they go straight to slugging it out with a collision not getting anywhere. Gunther tries to toss him out so Sheamus rakes the eyes for the break. The Irish Curse isn’t enough to get rid of Gunther and it’s the Miz in at #3. Since it takes about thirty seconds to get to the ring, Gunther is back up and trying to toss Sheamus before Miz can even get inside. Miz finally runs inside and gets chopped down by Gunther, leaving Sheamus to hammer Gunther in the corner. Sheamus and Gunther try to toss each other until Kofi Kingston is in at #4.

Kingston high crossbodies Miz and Gunther and kicks Sheamus in the face for a bonus. Back up and Sheamus sends him to the apron but can’t get rid of him just yet. No one can get rid of anyone else so Johnny Gargano is in at #5. The slingshot spear hits Kofi and there’s an enziguri to Miz. For some reason Gargano loads up some forearms to Miz’s chest, only to have Sheamus glare him away. Some kicks to the face put Miz out, leaving a bunch of people to go after Gunther.

Xavier Woods is in at #6 and New Day starts to clean house on everyone else. Kofi and Woods tease fighting each other but do a….we’ll call it a dance I guess. Karrion Kross is in at #7 and goes after Woods (after another rather slow entrance, which is starting to become an issue as it takes time for anything to happen). Gunther BLASTS Kross with a clothesline but he’s right back up, meaning it’s time for a slugout with Sheamus. Chad Gable is in at #8, who gets into an amateur match with Woods, who for some reason thinks this is a good idea.

Gable German suplexes Woods down but gets decked by Kofi as Drew McIntyre is in at #9. The reverse Alabama Slam sends Gargano down onto Gable as commentary mocks Sheamus and McIntyre’s team name, which may or may not be an adult film company. McIntyre Claymores Kross out and gets to trade chops with Gunther. Santos Escobar is in at #10, giving us Gunther, Sheamus, Kingston, Gargano, Woods, Gable, McIntyre and Escobar at the one third mark. Escobar goes after Gable but has to slip out of Sheamus’ forearms to the chest.

Angelo Dawkins is in at #11 and McAfee seems rather intrigued. Gunther kicks Woods out but Escobar saves Gunther from Kingston for some reason. Kingston hits a pop up double stomp to Gunther’s chest, only to be sent outside and onto a chair. The idea is for one foot to stay on said chair…but yeah he’s out anyway. Not that it matters as Brock Lesnar is in at #12 and smashing is likely to ensue. The suplexes start fast and there go Escobar, Dawkins and Escobar.

We get the Lesnar vs. Gunther staredown and the fans REALLY like that one. Since we don’t have enough power in there at the moment, Bobby Lashley is in at #13. Lesnar suplexes Gunther but walks into a spear from Lashley, who takes down almost everyone else. A clothesline gets rid of Lesnar, which somehow didn’t set up a Wrestlemania rematch. Baron Corbin is in at #14 as Lesnar wrecks ringside.

Lesnar also wrecks Corbin, including an F5 on the floor. Things slow down in the ring and it’s Seth Rollins in at #15. Rollins throws Corbin inside and quickly eliminates him, which has McAfee very happy. Sheamus and Rollins slug it out as Otis is in at #16. Otis gets to run some people over as commentary makes sumo references. Rey Mysterio is in at #17…or not as he doesn’t show up. Rollins gets rid of Lashley in a bit of a surprise and here is Dominik Mysterio, with Rey’s mask (suggesting an attack) in at #18.

Otis is tossed during the entrance as commentary yells about how much they can’t stand Dominik. After Dominik finally gets in, Elias is in at #19 (McAfee is a big an) and goes after a variety of people. This includes breaking a guitar over Gunther, because that is a good idea. A simultaneous Claymore and Brogue Kick put Elias down and what’s left of him is eliminated.

Finn Balor is in at #20, giving us Gunther, Sheamus, Gargano, McIntyre, Rollins, Dominik and Balor. Dominik and Balor get together to dump Gargano but get stared down by Sheamus and McIntyre. Booker T. is in as a surprise at #21 and fires of some kicks into the Spinarooni. Then Gunther eliminates him without much trouble. Sheamus and McIntyre beat on Gunther (who has a cut on his back) as Damian Priest is in at #22.

That doesn’t go anywhere so it’s Montez Ford in at #23 and taking his time to get to the ring. Ford goes after the Judgment Day and is quickly tossed by Priest. Edge is in at #24 and yeah that gets a big reaction. Judgment Day gets speared down and Edge tosses Priest and Balor without much trouble. Dominik breaks up a Rollins vs. Edge showdown, allowing Judgment Day to pull Edge out as well.

Austin Theory is in at #25 but he pauses to get in as Edge has to beat up Judgment Day near the entrance. Cue Rhea Ripley to jump Edge but Beth Phoenix pops up to spear her down. Theory finally gets in and Omos is also in at #26. Sheamus and McIntyre are waiting on him but they get dropped without much effort. Gunther is the only one left to go after Omos but the chops only have so much effect. With Omos as the only one standing, Braun Strowman is in at #27.

Strowman staggers Omos with a right hand and puts him out with a running clothesline for the big elimination. Theory is sent flying into the corner and it’s Ricochet (Strowman’s partner) in at #28. Strowman uses Ricochet as a projectile but gets pummeled but Sheamus and McIntyre. The two of them get together and forearm him in the chest, with Gunther making a weird save. Gunther can’t get rid of McIntyre or McIntyre….but he can eliminate both of them at once. Wrestling is weird for you.

Logan Paul is in at #29 (big reaction) and gets jumped by almost everyone left in the ring. Paul gets away and hits a heck of a Buckshot Lariat on Ricochet but Gunther gutwrenches Paul to the apron. That’s broken up so Paul has to slug away at Strowman, who powerslams him down. Ricochet adds the shooting star but Paul is sent through the ropes instead of over.

Cody Rhodes is in at #30, giving us a final grouping of Gunther, Rollins, Dominik, Theory, Strowman, Ricochet, Paul and Rhodes (that’s a nice number for a final grouping). The pace picks up and Rhodes hits the Cody Cutter on Theory. After firing the weight belt into the crowd, Rhodes has to counter Three Amigos into Cross Rhodes. Dominik is out and Ricochet cuts Gunther off. Ricochet and Paul wind up on opposite aprons and springboard in at the same time for a heck of a mid air collision.

Cody and Ricochet get rid of Strowman but Theory dumps Ricochet to get us down to five (Rhodes, Theory, Rollins, Gunther and Paul, with the latter on the floor). The Stomp hits Theory and Rollins gets rid of him, giving us the Rhodes vs. Rollins vs. Rhodes staredown. Gunther breaks that up and gets double teamed, including a pair of Pedigrees. Rather than dumping Gunther, they fight each other but both miss finishers.

Then Paul comes back in and dumps Rollins as we’re down to three. Rhodes ducks the big right hand and hits Cross Rhodes on Paul for the elimination, leaving us with Rhodes vs. Gunther. Rhodes strikes away but the Disaster Kick is clotheslined out of the air. Gunther puts him on the top to stand on his throat and put him on the apron. Rhodes goes up top and gets toss superplexed right back down.

That’s enough to start Rhodes’ comeback and the Cody Cutter connects, setting up a running clothesline to put Gunther on the apron. Rhodes goes after the leg ad hits Shattered Dreams but Gunther is back with the running dropkick. The powerbomb plants Rhodes again as Gunther looks to be on fumes. The sleeper on the apron has Rhodes in more trouble, only to have Rhodes pull him outside as well. Back in and Rhodes is chopped out of the air but he’s fine enough to hit Cross Rhodes. A running clothesline finally gives Rhodes the win at 1:11:40.

Rating: A-. This was a pretty awesome Rumble with Gunther having the career making (because his career wasn’t made yet) performance. He was virtually unstoppable and only went down when someone who was in the match for almost an hour less took him out. Other than that, you had Sheamus and McIntyre as the monster pairing who kept fighting with everyone. The star power was strong and the action was very good, making this a great match with an excellent final sequence to boot. Heck of a Rumble.

We recap Bray Wyatt vs. LA Knight. Wyatt was back after a long hiatus and wants to be respected. Knight isn’t impressed and violence has ensued.

LA Knight vs. Bray Wyatt

This is the Mountain Dew Pitch Black match, which means neon lights and anything goes. Knight charges at him to start and gets hammers down, setting up the big toss into the corner. It works so well that Wyatt throws him out of another corner, meaning it’s time for a breather on the floor. Knight manages a whip into the steps but Wyatt sends him over the barricade.

Wyatt loads up a suplex off the steps but Knight drives him through the announcers’ table, with all of the neon stuff popping up or a weird visual. With Knight bailing into the ring, Wyatt throws a toolbox inside as well, seemingly hinting at violence. Back in and the BFT is blocked so Knight hits him with a kendo stick. Not that it matters as Knight charges into Sister Abigail for the pin at 5:04.

Rating: D. To say things have changed in the last year is a major understatement but there isn’t much of a way around the fact that this match wasn’t very good. It was a bunch of slow motion fighting and then the finish came pretty much out of nowhere. The lights were a different way to go and I’m sure WWE liked the check it brought, but the match was rather nothing.

Post match Bray puts on another mask and Knight runs away, with some kendo stick shots not having any impact. Wyatt catches him near the production area and gives him the Mandible Claw. Then Uncle Howdy pops up on top of a platform and dives onto Knight, with flames coming out of the hole. Then full size versions of the Firefly Funhouse characters look down from the platform.

Tonight’s attendance: 51,338.

Raw Women’s Title: Alexa Bliss vs. Bianca Belair

Bliss, who has been more evil as o late, is challenging. Belair powers her around to start and hits a running shoulder in the corner, followed by the right hands in said corner. Back up and Bliss gets in a few kicks of her own, setting up a backbreaker with feet into Belair’s back for the extra pain. The chinlock slows Belair down and it works so well that Bliss grabs it again.

This time Bliss says “you couldn’t just leave it alone could you”, which apparently wakes Belair up to hammer away in the corner. The handspring moonsault gives Belair two and some frustration is starting to set in. Bliss gets in another shot and slowly hammers away, setting up the jumping knees to the chest. A backsplash gives Bliss two but Belair has had enough of this and KOD’s her for the pin to retain at 7:34.

Rating: C. This version of Bliss was only going to go so far as the original “SHE’S EVIL” stuff wasn’t quite interesting. Asking fans to care for the warmed up leftovers didn’t help and it was on display here. Then you have Belair, who has cleared out the women’s division and needs a big name to come after the title. Not a terrible match, but it could have been on Raw without missing much.

Post match Belair leaves and Bliss is left in the ring, where a video of her evil days plays, complete with Uncle Howdy asking if she feels in charge. Then she would to on maternity leave and none of that would go anywhere, thank goodness.

Women’s Royal Rumble

90 second intervals and Rhea Ripley is in at #1 and Liv Morgan is in at #2. They stare each other down to start until Ripley hammers her down. A running boot drops Morgan and a delayed suplex puts her down again. Dana Brooke is in at #3 (naturally looking Barbieish) and missile dropkicks both of them down. A hiptoss into a basement dropkick hits Morgan and Brooke manages a superplex.

With Ripley down in the corner, Emma is in at #4 and grabs a neckbreaker to put Ripley down again. Everyone goes after Ripley and Shayna Baszler is in at #5 as the entrants seem to be going rather quickly here. Baszler goes after Ripley before beating up Morgan and Brooke. The arm stomp has Brooke in more trouble and it’s Bayley, who rips up a sign on the way to the ring, in at #6. Morgan is right there with Oblivion to Bayley but can’t get rid of her. More brawling is on and it’s B Fab in at #7.

Some stomping doesn’t do much for B Fab as Ripley easily tosses her out. NXT Women’s Champion Roxanne Perez is in at #8 and gets to clean some house, even taking Ripley down with a spinning headscissors. Dakota Kai is in at #9 and poses with Bayley, but a bunch of women beat him down. Iyo Sky is in at #10, giving us all of Damage CTRL, with a lineup of Ripley, Morgan, Brooke,, Baszler, Bayley, Perez, Kai and Sky.

The rest of Damage CTRL has to be saved and Sky flips around a lot. Brooke helps Emma get back in but it’s Damage CTRL tossing Brooke out. Damage CTRL kick out Emma and Perez and it’s the returning Natalya in at #11. Bayley cuts Natalya off before she can get revenge on Baszler (who put her on the shelf) and we slow down a good bit. Candice LeRae is in at #12 and hits a step up backsplash on Bayley. Baszler hammers on LeRae in the corner before getting slapped by Natalya.

The running boot misses or Baszler and Natalya sends her to the apron, only to have Baszler come back with the Kirifuda Clutch. Damage CTRL gets rid of both Baszler and Natalya as NXT’s Zoey Stark is in at #13. Stark strikes away, including a nasty looking kick to Ripley’s face. A springboard corkscrew splash hits Ripley but it’s way too early for Stark to put her out. Xia Li is in at #14 and cleans house as well, only to have Damage CTRL cut her off. LeRae fights back but Sky shoves her off the top for an elimination.

Becky Lynch is in at #15 and wants revenge on Damage CTRL for taking her out in a cage on Raw. House is quickly cleaned but Bayley sends Becky outside (not eliminated). The rest of Damage CTRL gets on Becky and throw her into the barricade/over the announcers’ table. Tegan Nox is in at #16 and gets to clean house again. Nox and Morgan beat on Stark but can’t get rid of her as Asuka, to a big reaction, is in at #17.

She unmasks as the evil clown and everyone is scared, allowing Asuka to rapidly clean house. Bayley and Asuka have a big staredown, with Asuka unloading with a variety of strikes. Bayley is sent to the apron but manages a neck snap for a breather. Asuka kicks Nox out and Piper Niven is in at #18, meaning it’s likely time to wreck some people. A running seated crossbody hits Morgan and Bayley as Tamina is in at #19.

That means a Tamina vs. Niven staredown and slugout but Lynch is back in to clean house. The returning Chelsea Green is in at #20, giving us Ripley, Morgan, Bayley, Kai, Sky, Stark, Li, Lynch, Asuka, Niven, Tamina and Green. Ripley tosses Green in about three seconds and Becky eliminates Kai and Sky, only to be eliminated by Bayley (the fans REALLY react to that). Morgan dumps Bayley right at Becky’s feet and the fight is on again. Damage CTRL and Becky brawl into the crowd and Zelina Vega is in at #21 (cosplaying as a character from Street Fighter 6 in a promotional deal).

Li and Vega strike it out on the apron until Vega kicks her to the floor. Vega’s middle rope Codebreaker hits Piper and Raquel Rodriguez is in at #22. A quick clothesline drops Ripley and a spinning slam hits Asuka. Vega is back up to kick away at Rodriguez, who puts her on the top. Michin is in at #23 and gets to fire off a bunch of kicks as a trend continues. Niven fights off a bunch of people trying to eliminate her and Lacey Evans is in at #24.

Evans’ slingshot Bronco Buster hits Morgan in the corner and a legsweep takes Stark down. Michelle McCool, in the front row, is in at #25 and gets to beat everyone up at once, including the Faithbreaker (Styles Clash) to Vega. McCool gets rid of Tamina and Indi Hartwell is in at #26. That goes nowhere so Sonya Deville is in at #7 and gets rid of Stark. Asuka and Deville kick away at each other until Evans cobra clutches Vega out. Shotzi is in at #28 with a high crossbody to Rodriguez and Niven. Deville eliminates Hartwell and Nikki Cross is in at #29.

Cross gets to beat up various people and she throws her jacket down for a bonus. With the ten second countdown not even starting, Nia Jax is in at #30, giving us a final grouping of Ripley, Morgan, Asuka, Niven, Rodriguez, Michin, Evans, McCool, Deville, Shotzi, Cross and Jax. Everyone stops to wait for Jax, who, believe it or not, runs her mouth and fights everyone but Rodriguez off. Rodriguez gets thrown down but a bunch of people go after her, with Ripley….managing something close to the Riptide.

Everyone gets together to toss Jax and Rodriguez clotheslines Evans out. Asuka pulls Rodriguez into the armbar but Asuka moves on to kicking Deville off the apron for an elimination. Ripley gets rid of McCool and Michin eliminates Shotzi. Niven LAUNCHES Michin onto Shotzi to get us down to six, with Niven belly to back suplexing Rodriguez. For some reason Niven goes up, allowing Rodriguez to kick her out as Ripley gets the Iron Woman record.

The Tejana Bomb to Ripley is countered, with Ripley tossing Rodriguez and then sending both Asuka and Cross to the apron. Morgan knocks out Cross and we’re down to Ripley, Morgan and Asuka. Ripley is sent to the apron but headbutts Morgan and pulls her out to the apron with her. Asuka joins them and mists Morgan, allowing Ripley to kick Asuka out. Morgan Codebreakers Ripley down but she hangs on and pulls Morgan out for the win at 1:01:08 (earning the Stick Stickly seal of approval).

Rating: C. I ran out of ways to say “and then this wrestler came in and they beat a bunch of people up and then nothing happened and then someone else came in.” The double Iron Women thing didn’t do much as Ripley was doing her thing here and there while Morgan was barely around. The Women’s Rumble has a tendency to be rather top heavy and that was the case here, with the Damage CTRL run, along with Becky and Ripley, being the only interesting part. It was the Ripley show and she was kind of laying around (as you tend to do in an hour long run) and that didn’t make for a good Rumble.

Hardy performs to kill some time.

We recap Kevin Owens challenging Roman Reigns for the World Title. This is much more about whether or not Sami Zayn is really part of the Bloodline or just their lackey. On the other hand, Reigns is sick and tired of Kevin Owens so it’s time to get rid of him once and for all. Zayn has insisted that he’s in the Bloodline, and even Jey Us, who never believed him, isn’t sure about Zayn anymore. Reigns has told Zayn’s final test is at the Royal Rumble, where he has to show whose side he is really on.

WWE Universal Title: Kevin Owens vs. Roman Reigns

Reigns, with Paul Heyman and Sami Zayn, is defending. They circle each other to start until Reigns hits a quick clothesline. Back up and Owens scores with an elbow to the face before stomping away at Reigns in the corner. There’s the Cannonball as Zayn is starting to look worried at ringside. Reigns rolls outside and there’s the backsplash to crush him again. Back in and Reigns hits a release Rock Bottom for two, followed by the apron boot to the face for the same.

The chinlock goes on for a bit but Owens fights up and drops Reigns again. The frog splash gives Reigns two but he’s back with a sitout powerbomb. Back up and the Superman Punch gives Reigns two more, only to have Owens send the spear into the post. Owens hits the Swanton for another near fall but botches a springboard moonsault attempt. The second attempt misses, allowing Reigns to hit a spear for another near fall.

Naturally the referee gets bumped and more naturally, there is no one to count as Owens hits the Pop Up Powerbomb. Reigns goes low to cut Owens off again and tells Zayn to throw in a chair. That goes rather slowly, allowing Owens to come back with a Stunner or a rather near fall. Zayn is breathing a sigh of relief as Heyman glares at him and the two inside slowly get up.

Another Pop Up Powerbomb is countered into a Superman Punch (that was cool) and another spear gets another two. Owens rolls outside where Zayn tells him to stay down, only to have Reigns spear Owens through the barricade. Rather than covering though, Reigns sends him head first into the steps, followed by another spear to retain at 19:13.

Rating: B-. It was a good, hard hitting fight but there was absolutely no drama as to the winner because we have been flat out told that this is all about Sami Zayn. Owens was trying, but he was just the designated challenger here and there was no way around it. Reigns could only make you believe he was in so much danger and it showed pretty badly. Not a bad match whatsoever, but the opening bell started the countdown to the spear.

Post match Reigns holds on on Zayn getting his lei, as instead he has the Usos destroy an already out of it Owens. The beating continues, including a chair being wrapped around Owens’ neck for the running Umaga attack from Solo Sikoa. Owens gets handcuffed to the ropes for some superkicks as the fans chant for Sami. Reigns grabs the chair and yells at Owens, but Zayn gets in between them, saying Owens is done.

Reigns thinks about it and then holds the chair out to Zayn, who doesn’t want to do it. Zayn: “I don’t want to.” Reigns: “I think you should.” Zayn takes the chair as Reigns shouts about how he loves Zayn while Owens keeps trying to hold him back. Does Zayn want to go do the Jackass stuff again? Zayn stands behind Reigns and slowly holds up the chair, with Reigns turning around and saying PULL THE TRIGGER. Reigns calls out Zayn for crying and shoves him in the face a few times, shouting that THIS IS MY WHOLE LIFE.

With that, Reigns turns to look at Owens again, and with the fans chanting for him, Zayn blasts Reigns in the back with the chair to one of the loudest pops you will ever hear. Jey Uso looks at Zayn and can’t believe what is going on but never touches him. Instead Jimmy superkicks Zayn down and destroys him, with Sikoa adding the Spike. Reigns tells Jey to get in on this but a broken Jey rolls to the floor and leaves without touching anyone. Reigns destroys Zayn with the chair and forearms tot he head, ripping the Honorary Uce shirt off of him to end the show.

I didn’t catch it live but as has been pointed out: that was the same way Seth Rollins turned on Reigns to end the Shield, which ties the whole story together. Reigns was so betrayed by the Shield that he turned to the only people he could trust, his family, to avoid it happening again but then the one person who wasn’t blood, turned on him. That is some top level storytelling and the fans reacted to it as a result. For wrestling, this was Shakespeare, and the tag match at Wrestlemania and then Jey siding with Jimmy was incredible, but they just couldn’t find a way to wrap it all up, at least within the next year.

Overall Rating: B-. As usual, the Royal Ruble is one of the most unique shows of the year as it is built around two matches. The first Rumble was great and the second was…well not, but this year had a special bonus. The post main event angle was an instant classic and set things off for the next several months. The show is not great and the women’s Rumble is weak, along with the other non-Rumble matches, but the two good parts carry the show far enough.

Results
Cody Rhodes won the men’s Royal Rumble last eliminating Gunther
Bray Wyatt b. LA Knight – Sister Abigail
Bianca Belair b. Alexa Bliss – KOD
Rhea Ripley won the women’s Royal Rumble last eliminating Liv Morgan
Roman Reigns b. Kevin Owens – Spear

 

Ratings Comparison

Men’s Royal Rumble:

Original: A-
2024 Redo: A-

LA Knight vs. Bray Wyatt

Original: D+
2024 Redo: D

Bianca Belair vs. Alexa Bliss

Original: C-
2024 Redo: C

Women’s Royal Ruble

Original: C
2024 Redo: C

Kevin Owens vs. Roman Reigns

Original: B-
2024 Redo: B-

Overall Rating:

Original: B
2024 Redo: B-

Yep, more or less the same as the original.

 

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Royal Rumble 2022
Date: January 29, 2022
Location: The Dome At America’s Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Attendance: 44,390
Commentators: Jimmy Smith, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, Michael Cole, Pat McAfee

Somehow this show was a year ago and that might be better for everyone involved. This show was absolutely not well received and I am almost scared to see just how badly this falls down. Hopefully time has been a bit kinder to it, but you never can tell. In addition to the Royal Rumbles, we have Seth Rollins challenging Roman Reigns for the Undisputed Title and Brock Lesnar defending the WWE Title against Bobby Lashley. Let’s get to it.

I was in the stadium for this show, sitting in the upper deck with the Titantron on my right.

The opening video looks at how the Road To Wrestlemania begins here. As usual we get the Royal Rumble highlight reel and dang there have been some great moments over the years. The rest of the matches, which don’t mean nearly as much (as usual), get some attention as well.

Smackdown World Title: Roman Reigns vs. Seth Rollins

Reigns is defending and is currently by himself, as Paul Heyman has jumped back to Brock Lesnar and the Usos are barred from ringside. In the name of mind games, Rollins comes to the ring to the old Shield music, complete with the through the crowd entrance and gear (Of note: McAfee talks about the Shield days and says it was “Mox”, Seth and Roman”.).

Rollins goes with the grappling to start and Reigns is frustrated early. The corner clotheslines miss for Reigns and Rollins clotheslines him to the floor. Back to back suicide dives don’t do Rollins much good as Reigns knocks him out of the air back inside. They fight to the floor again though and Rollins is fine enough to hit a quick powerbomb through the announcers’ table.

Back in and the frog splash gets two but Rollins misses the Phoenix splash. Reigns’ spear is cut off by a boot to the face though and a buckle bomb into the Stomp gets a close two. Another Stomp is loaded up but Reigns blasts him with a clothesline to cut that off. Reigns’ powerbomb gets two so Rollins laughs at him, earning the big forearms to the face. The laughter is enough to let Rollins pull him into a triangle choke, which is broken up with another hard powerbomb.

They head back outside with Rollins being sent into various things, followed by a Superman Punch for two back inside. They head outside again and the spear cuts Rollins in half. Back in and another spear is countered into the Pedigree (how Rollins beat him for the title in 2016) for a rather close two.

Rollins has to elbow his way out of a Rock Bottom attempt and kicks Reigns in the face. Another spear cuts Rollins down again….but he’s still laughing at Reigns. Rollins holds out the Shield fist so Reigns pulls him into the guillotine. The referee checks the arm, with the hand falling onto the rope for the break. Well in theory at least, as Reigns doesn’t let go and it’s a DQ at 14:23.

Rating: B. This was a good match and that shouldn’t be a shock given who was in there. Any combination of the Shield guys are going to work well together and that was on display here. They tied the history of the team in well and Rollins broke Reigns down mentally, which should set up a huge rematch down the line. Granted it didn’t and this was a one off match, but it should have set something up.

Post match Reigns is all upset and slowly grabs a chair. The big beatdown leaves Rollins laying.

Women’s Royal Rumble

90 second intervals and Sasha Banks (in Sailor Moon gear) is in at #1 and Melina is in at #2. They pose at each other to start before Banks dumps her in less than a minute. That leaves Banks do to Melina’s splits pose until Tamina is in at #3. Banks dropkicks her through the ropes before Tamina can get inside, setting up the Meteora from the apron. Tamina saves herself back inside but gets caught with a quick Rey Mysterio bulldog. Running knees have Tamina in trouble in the corner but she headbutts her way to freedom.

Kelly Kelly is in at #4 and it’s strange to see her as anything but the blonde. Kelly comes in for the short form screaming headscissors but stops to dance, allowing Tamina to run her over. For some reason Kelly tries the triangle choke over the ropes on Banks and gets dumped for not thinking that through. Aliyah is in at #5 and hits a weird looking standing Thesz press to hammer on Banks. Tamina slaps Aliyah and they grapple against the ropes as Liv Morgan is in at #6.

Morgan knocks everyone down and stops for a bow, allowing Banks to hit Three Amigos. Queen Zelina is in at #7 and kicks Banks out in a pretty big upset. Tamina can’t eliminate Aliyah as Bianca Belair is in at #8. A kick to the head rocks Tamina and Belair muscles Vega up for a suplex. Belair’s handspring kick to the face can’t get rid of Morgan but she does hit Vega with a moonsault. Dana Brooke, with Reggie, is in at #9 but she does say she’ll go in on her own. Tamina saves Zelina for some reason so Brooke gives Belair a handspring elbow in the corner.

Michelle McCool is in at #10, giving us Tamina, Aliyah, Morgan, Zelina, Belair, Brooke and McCool. House is cleaned and McCool knocks Brooke….right into Reggie’s arms. The Faithbreaker hits Vega and Brooke gets tossed for good this time. Sonya Deville is in at #11 and goes over to join commentary rather than getting inside. The slow elimination attempts continue until Natalya is in at #12.

Morgan goes right at Natalya, who puts her on the apron without much trouble. It’s not quite enough for an elimination so Natalya dumps Tamina instead. More teased eliminations continue until Cameron is in at #13. Cameron cleans some of the house as Deville gets up and slides in, where she takes out Cameron without much trouble. Natalya and Deville are the only ones left standing until Naomi, who hates Deville, is in at #14.

A springboard spinning kick to the face rocks Deville and Naomi kicks her out. Carmella is in at #15 and Corey Graves certainly approves. Carmella walks around the ring as a good chunk of the other women bunched up on one side of the ring for some reason. Rhea Ripley is in at #16 and throws Carmella inside, only to get triple teamed down. Ripley shrugs that off and knocks out Carmella and Vega without much trouble.

Charlotte is in at #17 as a bunch of people go after Natalya. Aliyah is tossed out after about 23 minutes, followed by Naomi being kicked to the floor. She hangs on by her feet….but Sonya Deville is still here to pull Naomi out for the elimination anyway. Ivory, as part of the Right To Censor, is in at #18 and says nothing has changed since she was last here. It is hard for her to look at these girls and, as she gets in the ring, she says she sees a lot of wayward, lost little girls. As she is talking, Ripley picks her up and, as she is still talking, Ripley tosses her out. Ivory: “HOW DARE YOU???”

With that rather funny bit out of the way, Brie Bella is in at #19 and starts the YES chant but can’t get rid of Natalya. Ripley and Belair can’t get rid of Charlotte as Mickie James, reigning Impact Wrestling Knockouts (or Women’s, as the graphic says) Champion is in at #20. That gives us Morgan, Belair, McCool, Natalya, Ripley, Charlotte, Brie Bella and James, the latter of whom goes right after McCool. A headscissors gets rid of McCool and it’s Alicia Fox (with the brown hair instead of the blonde hair) in at #21.

Fox gets to clean some house and the referee checks on Natalya. Nikki Ash is in at #22 and we pause for her to sneak up on Ripley but, of course, she can’t eliminate her. Everyone pairs off until WWE Legend Summer Rae (AND HER SONG THAT IS SO FREAKING CATCHY) is in at #23. A slap off with Natalya goes to Rae, but Charlotte runs her over before anything can get interesting. Natalya dumps Rae and it’s Nikki Bella in at #24. House is cleaned again and the Bellas get to reunite, with Nikki knocking out Fox. Sarah Logan returns at #25, gets in a few shots, and is tossed by the Bellas.

They toss Liv as well, after a pretty ridiculous 37 minutes without an elimination. Liv and Logan get their reunion on the floor as Lita is in at #26. Mickie goes after Lita and gets DDTed, allowing Lita to get the easy elimination. Charlotte and Lita slug it out until Mighty Molly is in at #27…and gets jumped by Ash on the floor. Molly is tossed in and then eliminated by Ash, who gets in a rather long pose and stare. Ronda Rousey makes her big return at #28 and yeah this feels like a huge deal, especially with almost everyone in the ring stopping to look at her.

Ash is out fast and Nikki Bella is sent to the apron…where Brie punches her out. Shotzi is in at #29 as Rousey gets rid of Brie. Rousey goes after Belair and Natalya powerbombs Charlotte as Shayna Baszler completes the field at #30. That gives us a final grouping of Belair, Natalya, Ripley, Charlotte, Lita, Rousey, Shotzi and Baszler. Rousey and Baszler start wrecking people before squaring off instead. Charlotte interrupts that as well so Rousey kicks out Shotzi.

Belair gets rid of Natalya but Natalya comes back in, only to be tossed by Rousey as well. Lita cleans house, including a middle rope hurricanrana on Ripley. The Litasault is loaded up but Ripley breaks it up and, say it with me, Charlotte gets rid of Lita. Ripley and Rousey fight to the apron and Charlotte kicks Ripley out. Belair kicks Charlotte on the apron and spinebusters Baszler but Baszler catches her in the Kirifuda Clutch. That’s reversed into a KOD attempt but Charlotte dumps both of them. We’re down to Rousey vs. Charlotte and they square off, until Charlotte missed a boot in the corner and gets dumped at 59:45.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t exactly great and showed just how little depth there was to the women’s division at this point. Of the thirty women involved, HALF of them were legends or returning names. I know why there is a Women’s Royal Rumble, but if you need to import half of the lineup, it might be time to put it on the shelf. With six of the entrants not even making it a minute each, this was a bunch of nothing until Rousey came in and won, because part timers and returning stars rule.

Titus O’Neil and company did their local charity stuff.

Raw Women’s Title: Doudrop vs. Becky Lynch

Doudrop is challenging and attacked Lynch leading up to the title match. After the Big Match Intros, Doudrop goes with the power to send Becky outside for a breather. Back in and Becky has to bail from a Vader Bomb, leaving Doudrop to get Cannonball the steps by mistake. Becky kicks away but what looks to be a tornado DDT is blocked. The sleeper puts Doudrop down to one knee but she powers out without much effort. Doudrop’s charge goes into the post and Becky hits the missile dropkick for two.

Becky gets run over again though and a backsplash connects for two. The triangle choke has Becky in some trouble but the sitout powerbomb breaks that up fast. The Cannonball gets two but Becky is back up with a Molly Go Round for two of her own. Doudrop’s throat is snapped across the top and a top rope Fameasser gets two more. Back up and Doudrop plants her for two more, only to have another Vader Bomb countered into a super Manhandle Slam to retain the title at 12:55.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t so much bad as much as it was a lot of standing around waiting on the finish. Doudrop wasn’t about to dethrone the biggest women’s star ever, even if this is a downgraded Becky. This was Becky being given a mountain to climb and I can absolutely give them points for running a fresh challenger out there. That’s a good thing, but you need to have an entertaining match to back it up and that wasn’t the case here. When the most exciting thing in a match is the Wrestlemania sign catching on fire, you’re in big trouble.

The announced attendance is 44,390.

We recap Brock Lesnar vs. Bobby Lashley. They’re very similar, they’re monsters, they were amateur wrestlers, the were mixed martial artists, now they’re having a title match.

Raw World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Bobby Lashley

Lesnar is defending and has Paul Heyman with him while Lashley has MVP. They fight over a lockup to start until Lesnar snaps off a German suplex. Lashley is right back with one of his own but Lesnar hits two in a row. The F5 is countered though and Lashley hits a pair of spears to send Lesnar outside. Another spear sends Lashley through the barricade in the required big crash and Lesnar is rather smiley.

Lashley is back up to post Lesnar and they head back inside. Back in and Lesnar grabs more German suplexes but Lashley slaps on a quick Hurt Lock. Lesnar rams him into the corner for the break and the F5 hits Lashley, only to bump the referee at the same time. Cue Roman Reigns to spear Lesnar down before telling Heyman to hand over the title. Heyman does just that and a belt shot knocks Lesnar silly. Lashley gets the cover and the title at 10:14.

Rating: C+. That’s by far the match of the night so far as it felt like something actually happened. Lesnar vs. Lashley is a genuine dream match and something different for Lesnar, though he wrestled it similar to how he wrestles everything else. The Heyman twist was a good way to go and it’s nice to see Lashley get his title back, but this could have been something special and instead it was just ok. Granted Lashley injured his shoulder during the match so take it with a grain of salt.

Heyman leaves with Reigns as Lashley celebrates.

We recap Edge/Beth Phoenix vs. Maryse/Miz. Edge came back, Miz didn’t like it, the wives got involved, mixed tag.

Edge/Beth Phoenix vs. Miz/Maryse

Miz is knocked outside to start and Maryse is sent on top of him, allowing Edge to forearm Miz back inside. A cheap shot lets Miz take over on Edge and cannonball down onto his back. Maryse chokes a bit from the floor so Beth goes a stalking, for some reason thinking she needs a chair. Edge manages a quick implant DDT and Maryse can’t cut off the tag.

Beth comes in to beat up Maryse, including a spinning side slam for two. Miz goes after Beth and gets hammered down in the corner for his efforts. Maryse gets in a cheap shot with the loaded purse for two, setting up a camel clutch of all things. That’s broken up and Beth hits a clothesline for the double knockdown.

It’s back to Edge for the Edge-O-Matic on Miz, with Beth adding a powerbomb. Edge’s top rope elbow gets two but he spears the corner for the mishap. Maryse snaps off a top rope hurricanrana (that’s a new one for her) and there’s the French Kiss for Beth. The Skull Crushing Finale gets two on Edge and Miz gives us a shocked face. Beth is back up though and a double spear cuts Miz down. Mostly stereo Glam Slams give Edge the pin at 12:28.

Rating: C. Here is another match where it could have used some chicanery with Miz and Maryse cheating as much as they could have to win the thing and instead they played it pretty straight. The idea of battling couples works, but Edge and Beth aren’t going to lose to Miz and Maryse without all kinds of cheating and everyone knew it. Not an awful match, but another boring one on a show full of them.

A recipient of the Congressional Medal of Honor is here so we hear his story.

Men’s Royal Rumble

90 second intervals with AJ Styles in at #1 (and strikes a Shawn Michaels pose for some reason) and Shinsuke Nakamura (Intercontinental Champion) in at #2, meaning Pat McAfee gets to dance on the announcers’ table. A strike off goes to Nakamura, who hits the spinwheel kick to the head but can’t exploder Styles out. Styles knocks him into the corner and it’s Austin Theory in at #3. The rolling dropkick hits Styles to start but Nakamura goes for Theory.

Robert Roode is in at #4 and hits some spinebusters but Styles cuts him off. Styles reverses a whip and sends Roode outside for the quick elimination. Ridge Holland, with face guard, is in at #5 to run some people over. Styles gets rid of Nakamura and goes after Theory as Montez Ford is in at #6. Ford throws Theory to the apron but can’t get rid of him. Instead Ford kicks away at Holland to little effect and US Champion Damien Priest is in at #7.

A bunch of stomping ensues until Sami Zayn is in at #8. More nothing ensues and it’s Johnny Knoxville in at #9. Knoxville takes Sami down and hammers away before going after Styles. The Phenomenal Blitz drops Knoxville fast and Ford adds the frog splash. Sami Helluva Kicks Knoxville out but Styles dumps Zayn for a bonus. Angelo Dawkins is in at #10, giving us Styles, Theory, Holland, Ford, Priest, and Dawkins. Omos is in at #11 and he should get to clear some of the ring. There goes Dawkins and Ford follows him rather quickly.

Ricochet is in at #12 and get chopped by Omos as NOTHING continues to happen. Chad Gable is in at #13 and rallies the troops to go after Omos, which means sending Priest after him alone. With Priest gone, the rest of the group, plus Dominik Mysterio in at #14, gets rid of Omos. Happy Corbin is in at #15 and dumps Ricochet pretty fast. Dolph Ziggler is in at #16 as this is reaching some incredible levels of boring. Deep Six plants Dominik and Corbin gets rid of him, followed by Styles getting rid of Theory.

Sheamus is in at #17, with Holland being tossed before Sheamus can get inside. Rick Boogs is in at #18 and McAfee is excited, as compared to the eerily still crowd. Boogs tosses Gable and Madcap Moss is in at #19. Corbin tosses Styles, ending a nearly thirty minute run with….nothing (that’s the story of the match so far: nothing happens, and we’re just sitting around waiting as more people come in and go out).

It’s Riddle in at #20, giving us Corbin, Ziggler, Sheamus, Boogs, Moss and Riddle as this drones on. Corbin and Moss get rid of Boogs and Drew McIntyre returns from injury at #21. McIntyre wastes no time in getting rid of Moss and Corbin, which would somehow carry on through Wrestlemania. That’s not enough though as Drew follows them outside and unloads on them with steps to the head. Kevin Owens is in at #22 and Pop Up Powerbombs McIntyre.

Rey Mysterio is in at #23 and the fans are barely reacting to a string of big, popular names. Kofi Kingston is in at #24 and gets tossed to the apron fast. Owens breaks up a springboard attempt and Kofi lands on the barricade….but his feet hit the floor as Kofi finally botches his big save spot. It’s Otis in at #25 and hits some elbows as the mindless brawling continues.

Big E. is in at #26 and oh yeah, he’s a former WWE Champion. Belly to belly suplexes abound and the Warrior Splash hits Owens. Bad Bunny gets lucky #27 and gets to clean house, including a high crossbody, followed by a Canadian Destroyer to Riddle. Bunny ducks the Brogue Kick and ducks Sheamus before teaming up with Rey to get rid of Ziggler. Mysterio turns his back on Bunny and almost gets tossed, leaving Owens to Stun Bunny instead. Otis dumps Mysterio and Shane McMahon is in at #28.

Shane wastes no time in getting rid of Owens before slugging it out with McIntyre. Randy Orton, the hometown boy, is in at #29 and the RKO gets rid of Big E. Another RKO hits Otis and Riddle hits a running RKO to McIntyre. Otis is out….and Brock Lesnar is in at #30, meaning everyone knows exactly where this is going. Lesnar gets to clean house, including a bunch of suplexes before dumping Orton and Bunny. Riddle is tossed, Shane follows him, and it’s down to Lesnar vs. McIntyre. Some right hands look to set up the Claymore but Lesnar reversed into the F5 to win at 51:11.

Rating: D-. This was HORRIBLE and is absolutely in the running for worst Royal Rumble of all time. There was no drama until the end, but the bigger problem is there was nothing set up throughout the match. This is the third time I’ve seen this match and I still have no idea what is supposed to be interesting until the end. People come in, they brawl, they get eliminated, more people come in. It’s about 50 minutes of absolute nothing and then “oh well, here’s Brock to get ANOTHER Wrestlemania title match after two minutes of work”. This felt like they didn’t try and just said “Lesnar wins, move on”. Absolutely horrendous.

Overall Rating: D-. I’ve heard this show called the lowest of the low for WWE creative in this era and that very well may be true. The ONLY decent thing on the entire show was Rollins vs. Reigns, and that ended in a screwy finish. You also have Lesnar vs. Lashley and that doesn’t even require creative to work. Instead, we had two terrible Rumbles, one of which is an all time miss, plus some nothing midcard matches. The Rumbles are always going to define these shows though and these were all time terrible. Horrific show and it gets worse every time I watch it.

 

Ratings Comparison

Roman Reigns vs. Seth Rollins

Original: B-
Redo: B

Women’s Royal Rumble:

Original: C-
Redo: D+.

Becky Lynch vs. Doudrop

Original: D+
Redo: C-

Brock Lesnar vs. Bobby Lashley

Original: B-
Redo: C+

Edge/Beth Phoenix vs. Miz/Maryse

Original: C
Redo: C

Men’s Royal Rumble

Original: C+
Redo: D-

Overall Rating

Original: C-
Redo: D-

WOW I have no idea what I was thinking on that Men’s Royal Rumble. That has to be up there on my all time list of stupid ratings.

 

Here is the original review if you need a recap.

https://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2022/01/30/royal-rumble-2022-at-least-something-caught-fire/

 

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