Survivor Series Count-Up – 2012 (2023 Redo): I’m Not Usually Stunned

Survivor Series 2012
Date: November 18, 2012
Location: Bankers Life Fieldhouse, Indianapolis, Indiana
Attendance: 8,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

So this is another redo as for some reason I thought doing most of the shows that ended in a 2 was a good idea. This show had quite a few problems up and down the card but there is quite the special moment at the end that might be worth another look. Other than that, we have Team Punk vs. Team Foley, the latter of which has no Foley. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: 3MB vs. Team Co-Bro

That would be Heath Slater/Jinder Mahal (with the very skinny Drew McIntyre) vs. Santino Marella/Zack Ryder and this is quite the time capsule match. Ryder and Mahal start things off with Ryder snapping off an armdrag to take over. Marella comes in for an armdrag into an armbar to Slater and it’s right back to Ryder. McIntyre grabs Slater from the floor so he can avoid a dropkick but Ryder gets over to Santino for the hot tag.

Slater cuts that out rather quickly and the villains take over in the corner. A neckbreaker gives Mahal two and Slater grabs the chinlock. With that broken up, Santino backdrops his way out of trouble and hands it back to Ryder to clean house. The Broski Boot hits Mahal but Slater makes the save as everything breaks down. McIntyre gets in a cheap shot from the steps though and it’s a full nelson to give Mahal the pin at 6:12.

Rating: C. Not much to this one and that’s about how it should have been. These matches are designed to get the fans into the show and they kept it short and to the point. It’s not like Co-Bro was likely going anywhere and 3MB….well they were bigger than Co-Bro at least. Not exactly a good match, but it did its job well enough.

The opening video looks at the history of Survivor Series before shifting into a look at this year’s big stories.

Team Clay vs. Team Tensai

Brodus Clay, Justin Gabriel, Rey Mysterio, Sin Cara, Tyson Kidd
Tensai, Primo, Epico, Prime Time Players

This is a bonus match and there is nothing wrong with that. Kidd and Epico get things going with Epico fighting out of a headlock. Kidd’s jackknife rollup gets two as commentary ignores the match to talk about Jerry Lawler facing the Rock in his first match. Epico’s armdrag doesn’t get very far so Gabriel comes in for two off a moonsault. Rey comes in for a basement dropkick for two of his own but it’s off to Young as commentary remembers to talk about the match.

It’s off to Cara to take Primo down before running up the corner for a spinning high crossbody. A sunset bomb gets two on Primo but he’s back with a shot to the face, allowing the tag off to Tensai. It’s off to Titus, who awkwardly picks Cara up and holds him for a shot from Primo. An enziguri to Tensai finally gets Cara out of trouble and it’s Clay coming in to clean house. Primo and Epico are sent outside and we hit a parade of dives until we’re left with Clay vs. Tensai. Clay tries an exploder suplex but drops Tensai on his face instead. Back up and Tensai runs him over, setting up a running backsplash for the elimination at 8:25.

Gabriel comes back in and gets dropped, allowing Titus to come in for a weird looking abdominal stretch. Tensai comes back in and misses a backsplash, allowing Gabriel to roll him up for the pin at 10:20. Gabriel can’t follow up though and gets choked by Titus as the beating continues. Commentary talks about various famous debuts at Survivor Series and Epico grabs a chinlock. Gabriel gets up and hands it off to Kidd, who gets sent into the barricade as the crowd is almost eerily silent. Titus misses a running big boot though and Kidd rolls him up for the pin at 13:49.

Despite still winning, the good guys keep getting beaten up as Young jumps Kidd this time around. Kidd slips out of a belly to back suplex though and grabs the Sharpshooter to get rid of Epico at 14:58. Cole: “One of Bret Hart’s relatives using his move to eliminate someone at the Survivor Series!” JBL: “I’m sure Bret will be mad about that too.”

Primo goes up but gets dropkicked out of the air, allowing the tag back to Mysterio. A kick to the head gets two on Primo and Rey knocks him off the top, setting up the missed 619. Primo’s Backstabber is blocked and Rey cradles him for the pin at 17:29. That leaves Young alone, meaning it’s a 619 to set up a parade of finishers, capped off by Rey’s top rope splash for the pin at 18:25.

Rating: C-. I like the idea of throwing a bunch of people on the show to get them some extra time, but could you make it a little more interesting? Things picked up a bit once Rey got in there and showed some fire, but the fifteen minutes leading up to that were mostly dull. While it’s not a bad match, it’s a good bit longer than it needed to be and mostly boring, which isn’t a good way to start a show.

Survivors: Rey Mysterio, Justin Gabriel, Sin Cara, Tyson Kidd

Kaitlyn is on her way to the ring for her Divas Title match when (I believe) Aksana, in a blonde wig, jumps her. Champion Eve Torres comes in to say she hopes Kaitlyn is ok, so Kaitlyn shoves her down and says the same thing.

Divas Title: Kaitlyn vs. Eve Torres

Eve is defending and commentary actually DOES ITS JOB by explaining that Kaitlyn was attacked in the same way at Night Of Champions, resulting in Eve taking her place and winning the title. And now that a rather odd moment is cleared up, Kaitlyn throws the wig at Eve and we start fast. Kaitlyn pounds away on the mat and kicks her to the floor as commentary goes into the Raw vs. Smackdown (non) issues, with Cole having no idea what JBL is talking about.

Eve isn’t allowed to run through the crowd so she kicks away back inside. Choking in the corner has Kaitlyn in more trouble and Eve manages to add a regal style wave. A figure four necklock goes on as commentary compares Eve to Kate Middleton. Kaitlyn makes the rope and knocks her outside again, followed by a hard shoulder back inside. A gutbuster gives Kaitlyn two but Eve grabs the ring skirt and they crash out to the floor. Back in and Eve’s suplex neckbreaker retains at 6:59.

Rating: C. This was a weird period for the women’s division as they weren’t exactly good yet but they were so much better than they were at their worst that things are at least decent. Eve was one of the better stars of her era and Kaitlyn had enough fire to get people to want her to win the title. Not an awful match, and at least better than the previous one.

We look at the pre-show, where Alberto Del Rio called Dolph Ziggler his team captain, even though Ziggler will be eliminated fast. A team wide argument ensued.

Team Foley is arguing as well but believe it or not, Foley gives them a pep talk to calm them down. Eventually everyone but Randy Orton gets together for a BANG BANG. Orton to Foley: “I hate you.” Foley: “That means he’s ready.”

US Title: R-Truth vs. Antonio Cesaro

Cesaro is defending and before the match, mocks America for having anything to be thankful for this year. Well except for having him as the US Champion of course. We hear about various foreign US Champions, which has JBL annoyed that he wasn’t included. Cole: “Do you even listen to me?” Truth rolls him up for two to start and then punches at the wrist Cesaro holds up to avoid some right hands.

Cesaro knocks him into the corner and hits a kick to the head, followed by the armbar. With that broken up, Cesaro stomps him in the chest for two and we hit the waistlock. Commentary gets in a big argument about rugby as Truth fights up, gets waistlocked again, fights up and gets waistlocked again. Truth gets out (again) and hits a side kick, only to miss the ax kick. Cesaro uppercuts him and hits the Neutralizer to retain at 6:57.

Rating: C-. This didn’t exactly lift the show up off the ground as a good chunk of it was Cesaro holding him in a waistlock. Cesaro felt like a monster around this point and you could see what a lot of fans saw in him. At the same time, there was no reason to believe that Truth was going to take the title here and it showed pretty badly.

We recap Vickie Guerrero playing voicemails from AJ Lee where she was conflicted about her relationship with John Cena. Lee says they were edited together and Dolph Ziggler and Cena got involved as well. This Lee soap opera/melodrama felt like it went on forever.

Here is Lee, who has promised to reveal something about Vickie for a change. She has seen Vickie accusing her of having an inappropriate relationship with John Cena but thinks AJ is hiding something. Cue Vickie to yell about Lee, who produces a photo of Vickie and Ricardo Rodriguez sharing burritos. Then it’s Vickie and JR sharing barbecue sauce.

Vickie is livid and Lee thinks it’s because of her guilt. Next up: Vickie (in a leopard print swimsuit) dancing with Brodus Clay. They threaten each other but understand that they can’t hurt each other. Cue Tamina (looking almost unrecognizable compared to most of her career) to lay Lee out.

Paul Heyman isn’t worried about tonight’s main event and doesn’t like accusations that CM Punk has to cheat to win. While John Cena is chasing AJ Lee, Punk is the first man to beat Ryback. Punk is the best of the three and the best in the world.

We recap Sheamus challenging Big Show for the Smackdown World Title. Show beat him for the title last month and now Sheamus is back, with the battle over the Brogue Kick vs. the KO Punch. Show has also attacked Sheamus’ friend William Regal to make this even more personal.

SmackDown World Title: Big Show vs. Sheamus

Show is defending. Sheamus slugs away to start and tries to get Show to chase him in a smart move. That only works for so long though as Show hits a clothesline and chops away in the corner. A shot to the leg puts Show down though and Sheamus hammers away in the ropes. There are the forearms to the chest but Show bails outside before the Brogue Kick can connect.

Back in and Sheamus goes up, only to be speared out of the air in a nasty looking crash. Show slowly hammers away as commentary AGAIN talks about great moments in Survivor Series’ history. Sheamus gets sent hard into the buckle but manages to snap Show’s throat across the top. A single big boot cuts that off though and a big elbow gives Show two. We hit the quickly broken nerve hold before Show knocks him down for two more.

Sheamus comes back with a sleeper for a bit before slugging away, only to miss a charge into the post. Show loads up the Vader Bomb but Sheamus is up with an electric chair for two as the fans are WAY into this stuff. The KO Punch misses and Sheamus drops him with a running ax handle. White Noise gives Sheamus two but Show pulls the referee in the way of the Brogue Kick. Sheamus checks on the referee but Show is up with the KO Punch for the pin from another referee at 14:45.

Rating: B. This a was a fight and that is what it needed to be. It was in the Sting vs. Vader formula, with Sheamus slugging away at the giant and getting knocked back down again and again. The fans got behind Sheamus and wanted to see him take out the dragon and that is exactly the point of the match. Heck of a match here and by far the best thing on the show.

Post match the referee switches the result to a DQ. Sheamus is back up with a chair and UNLOADS on Show with about twenty shots. As Show begs off, Sheamus hits him with the Brogue Kick to leave him laying.

Team Ziggler vs. Team Foley

Ziggler: Dolph Ziggler, Alberto Del Rio, David Otunga, Wade Barrett, Damien Sandow
Foley: Randy Orton, Daniel Bryan, Kane, Kofi Kingston, Miz

This match had so many lineup changes (injuries, other matches being changed) that it barely resembles what they were going for in the first place (Team Punk vs. Team Foley). Kingston rolls Otunga up for two at the bell and sends him outside as commentary keeps making legal jokes. Back in and Kofi starts in on the arm before handing it off to Danielson for more of the same. Otunga slams his way out of trouble and brings in Sandow (hopefully allowing Otunga to fix his trunks, which are out of place), who hits the Elbow of Disdain.

Danielson fights out of a chinlock and hits a running dropkick in the corner. The YES Kicks rock Sandow again as commentary talks about Mike Tyson (they are all over the place tonight and even Lawler calls JBL out on it here). Sandow tries to walk out but gets pulled back in by Kane, who hits a chokeslam to get rid of Sandow at 3:06. We pause for Kane and Bryan to argue though, allowing Ziggler to hit the Zig Zag on Kane for the elimination at 3:45.

Orton wins an argument with Miz over who gets to punch Ziggler, followed by a slingshot suplex for two. Kofi comes in for a heck of a monkey flip for two and it’s off to Barrett to miss a charge at Bryan in the corner. Del Rio gets in a cheap shot so Barrett can kick Bryan to the floor. Back in and Otunga gets to work on the arm but he stops to pose. That’s enough for the YES Lock to make Otunga tap at 7:09.

Del Rio comes in to kick away before Bryan sends him crashing out to the floor. Back in and Kofi strikes away at Del Rio, setting up the Boom Drop. Del Rio fights his way out of trouble though and hands it off to Barrett for a tilt-a-whirl slam. The Bull Hammer gets rid of Kofi at 9:41 and it’s 3-3.

Orton comes in to send Barrett into the corner but charges into a boot to the face. A suplex puts Barrett down and Bryan comes back in to kick away in the corner. The YES Kicks don’t work so well this time as Barrett clotheslines him out to the floor. Del Rio comes back in and fights out of the YES Lock, setting up the cross armbreaker for the tap at 12:36.

Miz comes in for the first time and actually takes over, allowing Orton to stomp on Del Rio for a change. That’s broken up as well and it’s back to Ziggler for the chinlock. Of course Orton knows just how to fight out of one of those and knocks Ziggler down for a breather. The hot(ish) tag brings Miz back in to unload on Barrett in the corner, setting up the running clothesline. The top rope ax handle staggers Barrett and, after escaping a pumphandle slam, Miz hits the Skull Crushing finale for the elimination at 16:03.

So that leaves us with Miz/Orton vs. Ziggler/Del Rio and Miz’s DDT gets two on Del Rio. Del Rio’s German suplex gets the same but Miz pulls him off the middle rope for a crash. Del Rio sends him right back into the corner though and hits a running enziguri to get rid of Miz at 17:13.

Orton comes in and gets distracted by Ziggler, allowing Del Rio to kick him down for two. That doesn’t last long as Orton is back up for the clothesline comeback, plus the powerslam. A Ricardo Rodriguez distraction lets Del Rio drop Orton for two more, leaving Foley to beat up Rodriguez. Ziggler has to break up an RKO attempt but dropkicks Del Rio by mistake, leaving Orton to send Ziggler into the post. The RKO drops Del Rio for the pin at 20:57 and we’re down to Orton vs. Ziggler.

Another RKO is blocked and Ziggler hits the Zig Zag for two. The Fameasser misses and Orton plants him with the hanging DDT. There’s no cover though, as instead Orton loads up the Punt. As usual though it takes WAY too long, allowing Ziggler to hit a superkick for the final pin at 23:40.

Rating: B-. I don’t remember liking this one very much at first but that might have been due to all of the twists and turns to get to the match. Watching it back years later and….yeah it’s just kind of good. There is a bunch of star power and the wrestling is more than acceptable, but other than beating up Rodriguez, Foley added nothing here.

This is a match that feels like it could have been a lot better if they went with the original plan, but things got so twisted around and messed up that everything was lost in the switch. Not a bad match at all, but I felt like I needed a ten minute recap and a flow chart to figure out how we got here.

Fans want to see Rock vs. various people at the Royal Rumble. My goodness the nightmare days of Tout.

We recap CM Punk defending the Raw World Title against John Cena and Ryback. Cena was supposed to get the title shot inside the Cell last month but was injured and gave Ryback the shot instead. Ryback got cheated by rogue referee Brad Maddox (who wanted to make a name for himself in a story that bombed rather badly) so tonight, Punk defends against both of them at once.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Ryback vs. CM Punk

Punk, with Paul Heyman, is defending and oddly enough, comes out second. Cena chases Punk around on the floor to start until Ryback takes Cena’s place. Back in and Cena and Ryback get in an argument over who gets to beat up Punk in the corner. Ryback gets the better of things by driving Punk’s head into the mat over and over until Cena gives Punk a running bulldog. With Punk down on the floor, Cena and Ryback are left to escape finishers.

Punk is back in with a suplex on Ryback but Cena clears him out and suplexes Ryback as well for two. We hit the chinlock on Ryback until Punk is back in for the save to send Cena outside. Ryback goes back to the power and drives Punk into the corner for the shoulders to the ribs. Cena is back in and gets DDTed to give Punk two so we can get a breather. Ryback hits a running powerslam on Punk but gets ProtoBombed….and pops right up.

Cena drops Ryback again, only to have Punk pull him outside for a hard whip into the steps. Back in and Ryback beats on Punk for a change until Cena breaks up Shell Shock. The STF has Ryback in trouble but Punk makes the save with a top rope elbow. It’s Ryback up first and he tosses both of them to the floor for some big crashes. The not-Rybacks fight out of a double suplex and instead double suplex Ryback through the announcers’ table.

Back in and Cena initiates the finishing sequence but Punk breaks it up with the GTS for a rather close two. The AA gives Cena the same so Punk kicks away as we can hear the Spanish commentary in the background. Cena pulls him back into the STF but Ryback is back in for another save. There’s the Meat Hook to Punk, with Cole declaring that there is nothing stopping Ryback now.

Shell Shock connects but Cena breaks up the pin. That earns Cena his own Shell Shock…but three guys in black run in to jump Ryback. Cole recognizes them as Roman Reigns, Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins from NXT (ignore that Ambrose never wrestled on NXT TV) as theyput Ryback through a table. Punk pins the still out Cena to retain at 17:58.

Rating: B. This was the usual main event style triple threat match and that means it worked rather well. What matters here is having a way to keep the title on Punk and it certainly was a surprise way to do so. The interference came out of nowhere and that is the kind of finish that leaves a lot more going on for the future. Ryback losing again isn’t going to do much for his future, but Punk retaining is the bigger story as he gets a step closer to the showdown with Rock in January. Good main event here though, with all three working hard.

Replays take us out.

Overall Rating: B-. This starts out rather slow but the last three matches are more than enough to carry things over the line. The ending here is what matters more than anything else though as WWE gets a brand new main event crop of talent, which is not something you see every day. Punk seems like he is going to be losing when he faces Rock at the Rumble, but at least we are getting something fresh to keep things going. Good show here, though it could have used something better in the first hour or so.

Ratings Comparison

3MB vs. Team Co-Bro

Original: C-
2013 Redo: D+
2023 Redo: C

Team Clay vs. Team Tensai

Original: B-
2013 Redo: C
Redo: C-

Kaitlyn vs. Eve Torres

Original: D-
2013 Redo: D
Redo: C

R-Truth vs. Antonio Cesaro

Original: D
2013 Redo: D
Redo: C-

Sheamus vs. Big Show

Original: C-
2013 Redo: C
Redo: B

Team Ziggler vs. Team Foley

Original: C-
2013 Redo: C-
Redo: B-

Ryback vs. John Cena vs. CM Punk

Original: B-
2013 Redo: C+
Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: D+
2013 Redo: D
Redo: B-

I’m not usually stunned by my old ratings but WOW. This show might not have been great but it wasn’t that bad. Dang how miserable was I back then?

 

 

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Survivor Series Count-Up – 2012 (2013 Redo): The Future Is Now

Survivor Series 2012
Date: November 18, 2012
Location: Bankers Life Fieldhouse, Indianapolis, Indiana
Attendance: 8,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

I don’t remember much about this show and I think that says a lot about it. The main event is a triple threat with Punk defending against Cena and Ryback because WWE loves their three way matches. The original main event was going to be Team Punk vs. Team Foley in a Survivor Series match but WWE realized no one would pay to see that, so the new main events were made. Team Punk was replaced by Team Ziggler, despite the two of them having no real animosity at all. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: 3MB vs. Zack Ryder/Santino Marella

It’s Slater and Mahal here. Ryder starts with Mahal as Matt Striker rips Ryder on commentary. Mahal takes him down with a shoulder block but gets caught in an armdrag. Off to Santino who works on a headlock before it’s off to Slater for another armdrag. Ryder comes back in as the announcers talk about Halloween a good three weeks since it’s been over. McIntyre holds Slater’s belt from the floor to avoids Santino’s dropkick. Tag off to the fun one of the Band (meaning Mahal if that’s not clear) who gets two off a knee drop.

Back to Slater for some shots in the corner but he gives up the hot tag to Santino for all his usual antics. Heath punches him down and brings Jinder in again for some knee drops off the ropes. Santino misses a double clothesline which gives Slater another near fall. The Band stays on Marella but he backdrops Mahal down, allowing for the lukewarm tag off to Ryder. The Broski Boot connects and everything breaks down. A Rough Ryder connects on Slater but the legal Mahal sneaks in with a full nelson slam for the pin on Zack.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t much to see. It isn’t a bad match or anything but how good can a match be when 3MB is getting a clean pin? That’s not exactly a match that’s going to light the world on fire. Also, you’re trying to get a crowd going for a show, you have Santino Marella, and he doesn’t get the hot tag? Really?

The opening video talks about the history that has taken place at this show, ranging from Undertaker and Rock debuting, Montreal, and Rock and Cena teaming up for the first time ever. We then shift over to the main event hype videos you would expect, focusing on the world title matches and….nothing else. Seriously Foley vs. Ziggler isn’t mentioned here at all. There is a nice idea of Punk surviving as champion at various amounts of days into his reign.

Team Clay vs. Team Tensai

Brodus Clay, Justin Gabriel, Tyson Kidd, Sin Cara, Rey Mysterio

Tensai, Primo, Epico, Prime Time Players

This is a bonus match to fill out the card. Nothing wrong with that at all. Apparently this is the debut of the three man booth so we’re getting a bit of history here. Why anyone would care about that is beyond me but I need something to talk about during these long entrances. This was also back when Tensai was all evil but was a total joke by this point, just as he had been all along. If nothing else we get to see Rosa Mendes with black hair and those hips of hers.

Kidd works on Epico’s arm to start before taking him down into a headlock. Epico is sent to the floor but manages to send Kidd face first into the apron to take over but it’s quickly off to Gabriel. A sunset flip gets two for Justin and he cranks on Epico’s arm as well. Back to Kidd for a headscissors before putting on another armbar. That doesn’t last long as Mysterio comes in with a low dropkick for two.

Young gets the tag and is almost immediately sent face first into the middle buckle, allowing for a tag off to Sin Cara. The masked men hit a combination wheelbarrow slam/X-Factor for two on Young, sending him over to the corner for a tag off to Primo. Cara hits a quick cross body for two and a sunset flip gets the same as this is a very fast paced match. Tensai gets the tag and runs over Cara with a few slams as JBL lists off Tensai’s Japanese accomplishments.

Off to Titus as Sin Cara is in a lot of trouble. Another slam puts Sin down and it’s off to Primo for a camel clutch. Tensai comes back in to work over the downed Cara but goes after the rest of the team instead of covering. Sin Cara gets up for an enziguri, allowing the hot tag to Clay. Brodus cleans house and the Players, Epico and Primo are sent to the floor. Kidd and Gabriel hit stereo dives to take out the cousins followed by Asai moonsaults from Cara and Mysterio to take out the Players. Awesome sequence.

The monsters are going at it back inside and Clay botches his high collar suplex, making it into more of a lifting downward spiral. Tensai avoids a charge in the corner and shoulders Brodus down, setting up a backsplash for the elimination. Gabriel comes in with some kicks to the side but gets taken down by a big shoulder block. Off to Titus for an abdominal stretch followed by a backbreaker. Back to Tensai for two off a backsplash but he misses a second one, allowing Gabriel to get a quick rollup for the elimination.

Titus comes in to stomp on the spent Gabriel before it’s back to Epico for a chinlock. Epico misses some elbow drops, allowing Gabriel to make the tag off to Tyson. Kidd heads to the apron but gets sent to the floor where Primo gets in a cheap shot. Back inside with Primo now legal but getting forearmed in the face. Cole says Primo has been a general out there. I’d go more like a lieutenant at best from what I’ve seen.

Back to Titus who crotches himself off a missed big boot, allowing Tyson to kick him in the side of the head, setting up a rolling cradle for the pin and an elimination. Young comes in to keep the pressure on Kidd before it’s back to Epico for some rolling belly to back suplexes. Not that they matter though as Kidd sweeps the legs and puts on the Sharpshooter to get rid of Epico. Cole of course talks about Montreal.

Primo comes in now but gets elbowed in the ribs for his efforts. He comes back with a quick belly to back suplex, only to go up top and dive into a dropkick to the ribs. The hot tag brings in Mysterio who rolls through a sunset flip and kicks Primo in the face for two. A seated senton looks to set up the 619 but Primo moves to the side, only to get caught in La Majistral for the pin. Darren Young is left all alone and it’s finishers a go-go until Rey finishes him with a top rope splash for the win.

Rating: C. The winners were never really in doubt but this was the right way to get a show going. The fast paced stuff worked very well here with all of the smaller guys hitting their dives to wake the crowd up and give them a fun match. It’s no masterpiece or anything but it did exactly what it was supposed to do. A little trivia for you: that loss makes Tensai 0-5 at Survivor Series, which I’m pretty sure is the worst record ever.

Kaitlyn is on her way to the ring when someone in black attacks her. Kaitlyn fights back to reveal a blonde wig which falls off as the attacker leaves. Eve pops up and acts all shocked even though she’s evil at the moment. I think the attacker wound up being Aksana.

Divas Title: Katilyn vs. Eve Torres

Eve is defending. Kaitlyn jumps her to start and pounds away in the corner before sending Eve out to the floor. The champion is sent into the barricade and apron before heading back inside for some hair pulling. Eve kicks her in the ribs and slams Kaitlyn’s head into the mat over and over for two. Off to the corner for some choking and an elbow to the back gets two on Kaitlyn.

Eve puts on a figure four choke before clotheslining Kaitlyn down for no cover. Kaitlyn pops back up to break up the moonsault, sending Eve out to the floor. Back in and Eve is tossed around by the hair followed by a fireman’s carry gutbuster for two. Eve comes right back by sweeping Kaitlyn’s legs out and finishing her with a swinging neckbreaker.

Rating: D. As is the case with the Divas around this time, there isn’t much to brag about other than the girls looked good in their outfits. Kaitlyn just wasn’t that good in the ring and hasn’t gotten much better ever since. Eve was good but her character had hit a ceiling around this time. It’s no surprise she was gone soon after this.

Team Ziggler argues over who is the leader.

Team Foley argues over who will survive. Foley unites them in a BANG BANG chant, save for Orton. Foley: “Randy?” Orton: “I hate you.” Foley: “He’s ready.”

US Title: Antonio Cesaro vs. R-Truth

Cesaro is defending and asks why Americans are thankful. The only thing he can think of is how great of a champion he is. Truth gets a quick rollup, sunset flip and rolling cradle for two each before thrusting his hips a bit. Cesaro comes back with a headbutt and a clothesline before pounding away on Truth in the corner. Off to an armbar but a USA chant gets Truth to his feet. The champion shoulders him in the corner and puts on a body vice to keep Truth down again.

A knee to the ribs gets two as JBL lists off some facts about Cesaro’s rugby career. Cole brushes him off and starts listing off rugby facts of his own, sending JBL into a hilarious rant about Cole not listening and asking if Cole is a parrot. The gutwrench suplex gets two for Cesaro and an uppercut gets the same. Back to the body vice for a bit before Truth makes his comeback. Some clotheslines take Cesaro down and a spinning kick to the face gets two. A front suplex gets the same for Truth but the ax kick misses and Cesaro Neutralizes him to retain.

Rating: D. Other than JBL’s rant there was nothing to pay attention to here. These kind of title defenses tend to be very dull as someone like Truth isn’t going to take the title off Cesaro. For the life of me I don’t get why Cesaro isn’t a bigger deal than he is today. The guy has everything you would need but he doesn’t get that big push.

Ad for TLC, set up like an ad for David Otunga’s law offices.

We get a clip from Raw of voicemails from AJ, saying that she wants to end her relationship with Cena, but she loses control when she sees him. AJ claims that Ziggler hacked her phone and set those up. Ziggler makes fun of Cena’s, ahem, performance issues, drawing out Cena as backup. AJ slapped Ziggler down without Cena doing a thing.

Here’s AJ with some evidence against someone for something. Over the last month Vickie has been trying to prove that AJ is having an affair with Cena (remember that they’re both single at this point) which AJ thinks means Vickie has something to hide. This brings out Vickie, ranting as always about how much power she has and how she’s being disrespected.

AJ has pictures of Vickie eating with various wrestling personalities and this is SCANDALOUS! I’ve spent a long time trying to block this storyline out of my head but now I’m remembering how dumb it was. Vickie is shown in a one piece leopard swimsuit dancing with Brodus and Vickie shouts a lot. Slapping is threatened but they both get fired for touching the other, so here’s Tamina Snuka to destroy AJ on Vickie’s behalf. This story would keep going for WEEKS.

Promo for the Attitude Era DVD. Just writing that is so wrong.

Paul Heyman talks about how Punk is now #8 on the all time list for longest title reign and will be rising up the ranks even further after tonight because he’s the best in the world. Heyman is just awesome at promoting his guys.

We recap Big Show vs. Sheamus. Not much of a story here other than they had a war at HIAC with both guys kicking out of each others’ finishers in a great match. Tonight is a rematch.

Smackdown World Title: Sheamus vs. Big Show

It’s another brawl to start with Sheamus pounding away but Big Show gets in a few shots of his own to take over. The big chop misses in the corner and Sheamus gets in some more shots to little avail. Finally Sheamus wakes up and goes after the knees before tying Show up in the rpes for the forearms to the chest. Big Show escapes to the floor but Sheamus dives off the apron to get in even more right hands to the head.

Back in and Sheamus goes up top but Big Show spears him out of the air in a cool looking crash. They head outside again with Show sending Sheamus into the steps. Sheamus is thrown back in and can barely move. Big Show steps on Sheamus’ ribs a few times as the match has slowed way down. A huge elbow drop gets two and we hit the nerve hold. Sheamus fights up quickly but walks into a side slam for two as the match stays in slow motion. Since the slams aren’t working, Show just stands on Sheamus’ head. Sheamus fights up and grabs a sleeper but Big Show throws him off.

Big Show is getting winded so Sheamus pounds away as much as he can, only to miss a charge and go shoulder first into the post. The Final Cut gets two and Show goes to the middle rope, only to be caught in an electric chair of all things for two. That was rather awesome indeed. They slug it out from their knees and Sheamus takes over, knocking Show down with a running ax handle.

The Brogue Kick and chokeslam are countered and Sheamus gets two off White Noise. Now the fans are getting into this again. Sheamus loads up the Brogue Kick again but takes out the referee by mistake. Four people immediately come out to check on the referee as the replay shows the champion pulling him in the way. Big Show knocks out Sheamus and one of the referees counts a pin to end the match out of nowhere.

Rating: C. The match was slow for the most part and the ending hurts it even worse. This took all the good stuff out of the HIAC match and turned it into a dull imitation. This needed to be two monsters firing bombs at each other until neither guy could get up but instead it was your usual Big Show match at about 4 miles per hour.

Post match Show is disqualified and Sheamus lays the thirty one chair shots on him. I never remembered it being that many and that’s because it’s more like 18 and a Brogue Kick. Big Show crawls to the back as WE WANT ZIGGLER chants are ignored.

Team Ziggler vs. Team Foley

Dolph Ziggler, Alberto Del Rio, David Otunga, Damien Sandow, Wade Barrett

The Miz, Kofi Kingston, HELL NO, Randy Orton

So as I said, it was supposed to be Punk vs. Foley over old school vs. new school, but Punk was put in the main event and Ziggler was picked despite having no issue with Foley. The match was originally Punk/Sandow/Miz/Del Rio/Rhodes, but Cody got hurt and Miz felt he didn’t deserve the spot, so Miz was replaced by Barrett and Cody was replaced by Otunga. Ryback was originally on Team Foley but was moved to the main event and replaced by Miz in a Raw poll. As you can see, the match is a huge mess and almost no one was interested in it for the most part. HELL NO have the tag belts and Kofi is Intercontinental Champion of course.

Kofi grabs a quick rollup for two on Otunga to start. David avoids a quick Trouble in Paradise but gets caught by a dive on the floor. Otunga’s trunks are pulled up a bit as Bryan comes in with his kicks. Off to Sandow for the Russian legsweep and the Wind-Up elbow gets two. Bryan fights out of a chinlock and fires off the kicks to the chest to send Sandow out to the floor. Damien says good luck and walks out but Kane will have none of that. Back in and Bryan’s big kick to the head sets up a chokeslam for a fast elimination.

The tag champions get in an argument for no apparent reason, allowing Ziggler to hit a quick Zig Zag on Kane for the pin. That makes the move look strong if nothing else. Orton and Miz get in a quick fight for some reason but Randy catches a sneaky Ziggler in the slingshot suplex for two. Off to Kofi for the matchup that will not die with Ziggler being launched face first into the buckle for two. Back to Bryan who gets poked in the eye, allowing Dolph to tag in Barrett.

Bryan shouts NO a lot but misses a charge into the corner, setting up Barrett’s big boot in the ropes. Otunga comes in again and the YES Lock goes on almost immediately for the submission. It’s 4-3 with Foley in the lead as Del Rio comes in with a chinlock on Bryan. Back up and Del Rio misses a charge into the corner, allowing Bryan to kick him out to the floor. Kofi gets the not very hot tag and kicks Del Rio down, setting up the Boom Drop for no cover. Instead Ziggler distracts Kofi so Trouble in Paradise misses, but Kofi runs up the corner for a cross body and two.

Wade comes right back with the Bull Hammer for a quick pin, getting us down to 3-3 (Orton/Miz/Bryan vs. Barrett/Ziggler/Del Rio). Orton comes in right away and suplexes Barrett down before cranking on the arm. Miz doesn’t seem interested in a tag but Bryan is glad to come in and work on an arm. A middle rope dropkick gets two and Bryan snaps off even more kicks. Barrett avoids a big one and tags in Del Rio but Alberto has to fight out of a quick YES Lock attempt.

Alberto tries a running enziguri in the corner but hits the arm instead, setting up the cross armbreaker for the elimination. Can you imagine the reaction if that happened today? Miz comes in for the first time and scores with some left hands before it’s back to Orton for his traditional stuff. Back to Ziggler who takes over on Randy with a big elbow followed by a chinlock. Orton fights up and launches Ziggler into the air in a nice crash.

A double tag brings in Barrett and Miz with the American connecting with the corner clothesline. The Skull Crushing Finale is countered into a pumphandle attempt (which isn’t the Wasteland Cole) but Miz escapes into the Finale for the elimination to tie us up at two. Del Rio comes in next but charges into a DDT for two. Alberto grabs a German suplex for two but gets pulled off the middle rope in a crash. Miz misses the corner clothesline and gets enziguried for an elimination.

That leaves Orton vs. Ziggler/Del Rio with Alberto starting for his pair. Orton fires off some punches but gets caught by a cheap shot, allowing Ziggler to come in and slow things down. Alberto is back in very quickly with a double stomp to the ribs but goes up top, only to dive into a dropkick. Ricardo trips up Orton, earning him Socko down the throat. Ziggler accidentally dropkicks Del Rio and gets sent into the post. A quick RKO takes out Alberto and it’s one on one now with Orton having that evil look in his eyes.

Orton immediately goes into RKO mode but Ziggler holds the ropes and hits the Zig Zag for a quick near fall. So it can beat Kane after he’s taken no damage at all but Orton kicks out at two after twenty minutes? Score one for the Viper. The Fameasser misses and Orton hits the Elevated DDT despite bleeding from the mouth a bit. Orton loads up the Punt like a schnook though and walks into a superkick for the pin.

Rating: C-. Here’s the problem again: the match isn’t bad but there’s no reason for these guys to be fighting each other. Yeah they’ve all feuded with each other at some point in the past, but there’s nothing going on setting up this match. It’s really just ten guys fighting each other with a minor feud here or there. There was no reason to care about this match and that’s exactly how the match felt. Decent match, but the absence of emotion held it back.

Tout continues to annoy me a year after it stopped being a thing.

We recap the main event. Punk has been champion for a year almost to the day, Ryback got screwed over by Brad Maddox inside the Cell and Cena gave Ryback his spot in the Cell due to injury. The solution? TRIPLE THREAT OF COURSE!!!

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Ryback vs. CM Punk

Punk bails to the floor to start and gets chased by both guys. Ryback finally catches him in the corner but Cena is all like “dude, my arch nemesis” and pulls Ryback away, allowing Punk to get in shots on both guys. Ryback kicks him in the chest and Cena adds a bulldog before Ryback clotheslines Punk to the floor. It’s the battle of the heroes with Cena pounding away but Ryback escapes the AA and knocks Cena to the outside.

Punk is back in now and scores with a snap suplex on Ryback, but the monster pops right back up and gorilla presses the champion into a fallaway slam. Cena comes back in with a belly to belly for two on Ryback before putting on a chinlock. Punk breaks it up with a top rope ax handle and Cena falls to the floor. Another ax handle attempt is caught in midair but Punk takes Ryback down with a neckbreaker. Cena sneaks in with a rollup for two but Punk DDTs him down for two more.

With Cena down, Punk channels his inner Austin Aries and puts on the Last Chancery but Ryback lifts Punk into the air for a powerslam. Cena grabs the ProtoBomb on Ryback but Ryback pops up, leading to a slugout. The shoulder blocks look to take Ryback down but Punk pulls John to the floor and sends him into the steps. Punk’s springboard clothesline gets two on Ryback and we hit the chinlock. Ryback fights up and slams Punk down followed by the Meathook. Cena breaks up the Shell Shock and puts Ryback in the STF but it’s Punk with the Macho Elbow for the save.

Everyone is down now and Punk might have hurt himself on that elbow. He’s up first though but can’t hit the GTS on Cena. Punk and Cena slug it out but Ryback clotheslines both guys down to take over again. Ryback sends both guys to the floor for some reason but they double team Ryback down as a result. A double suplex puts Ryback through the table and they head inside for the real showdown.

Punk grabs a GTS out of nowhere for two and Heyman is livid. The AA gets the same result other than Heyman being relieved. Punk comes back with the running knee but the bulldog is countered into the STF. Ryback makes the save and throws Cena into the barricade to put him down. The Meathook and Shell Shock lay out Punk but Cena makes a diving save. The Shell Shock lays out Cena as well……but here are three guys in black to destroy Ryback. They pound away on Ryback and take him to the floor for a TripleBomb through the table. Punk crawls over and pins Cena to retain.

Rating: C+. It’s probably the best match of the night but that’s not saying much at this point. Obviously the three guys were Reign/Ambrose/Rollins which Cole tells us during Punk’s celebration. Punk winning was a good idea and set up more stuff down the line which is the best possible outcome. You could feel the wind blowing as Ryback fell down the card though and he hasn’t recovered yet. Fairly good match but nowhere near enough to save the show though.

Overall Rating: D. Man alive has time been cruel to this show. Watching it live there was some drama, but looking back you have two LONG Survivor Series matches with no real story behind them and two screwjob finishes in title matches. Shield would become a bigger deal but no one knew that at this point. This was a “tune into Raw tomorrow night” show and that’s not good for the Survivor Series.

Ratings Comparison

3MB vs. Zack Ryder/Santino Marella

Original:

Redo: D+

Team Clay vs. Team Tensai

Original: B-

Redo: C

Eve Torres vs. Kaitlyn

Original: D-

Redo: D

R-Truth vs. Antonio Cesaro

Original: D

Redo: D

Sheamus vs. Big Show

Original: C-

Redo: C

Team Foley vs. Team Ziggler

Original: C-

Redo: C-

Ryback vs. John Cena vs. CM Punk

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Overall Rating

Original: D+

Redo: D

About the same down the line. It sucked back then and it sucked now. I actually watched most of this show late and while still tired from a flight the first time around but apparently it had more problems than that.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2012/11/21/survivor-series-2012-a-filler-ppv-disguised-as-a-major-show/

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Jinder Mahal and Drew McIntyre Also Released

No one is going to miss Mahal. Drew…..are we still OUTRAGED over his loss to Hornswoggle a few weeks ago? It was such an outcry that I can’t remember if it’s over yet. Referee Mark Harris is released as well. This is a big day so far.




Reviewing the Review – Monday Night Raw: May 27, 2014

The reaction I’ve seen to last night’s show seems to be that it was one of, if not the worst episode of all time. This blew my mind as it may not have been the best show in the world but it couldn’t have been THAT bad. Let’s get to it.

We opened with Stephanie and HHH saying they had to take the title away from Daniel Bryan tonight because he couldn’t wrestle right now. While that’s true, Stephanie gloating made it all the better. We’ll cover the rest of that segment here as it’s easier than mixing it up later on.

Later in the night, Bryan came out and said he could give up the title, but it would be a slap in the face of everyone that had ever cheered for him while admitting that the Authority had been right. He said he wouldn’t do it, but Stephanie brought up a clip of Brie Bella shoving her a few weeks ago. If Bryan doesn’t give up the title on Sunday, Brie gets fired.

This is one of those moments that made perfect sense and sets up the drama that you need for the segment on Sunday and the moment will be good. I’m not sure where they’re going to go, but I can’t imagine Bryan is going to keep the title with him possibly being out all summer. At the end of the day they’ll probably put it up in Money in the Bank and that makes perfect sense for this situation.

The other good thing to come out of the opening segment was Brad Maddox being fired as Raw GM. Maddox isn’t terrible as a personality and has a future as a backstage guy or commentator, but there’s no need for anyone to be Raw GM right now. With the Authority around, anybody as Raw GM is going to look worthless. The GM’s have been worthless for eight months or so now so getting rid of Brad and eventually Vickie won’t hurt at all.

The first match was Cesaro beating Rob Van Dam thanks to Bad News Barrett interfering. This is my normal complaint: the #1 contender to the Intercontinental Title gets pinned six days before his title shot. Sheamus ran out to beat up Cesaro post match, making me see what they should have done: Sheamus/Cesaro vs. Barrett/Van Dam. At least with Van Dam he’s over to the point that a loss isn’t going to hurt him. Also Cesaro is getting that German suplex over as a secondary finisher which is a rare thing anymore.

Next up was the first of two Divas matches and I’ll look at them one at a time. First up we had Eva Marie pinning Summer Rae due to a distraction by Fandango and Layla. Eva and Summer have been feuding on Total Divas, which you need to watch to get the details. On the other hand you have Summer and Layla feuding because of something that happened on Raw. This leads to a problem with the Divas and Total Divas. The latter feud shows the problem with this.

If you watch Total Divas, you see the logic behind why Summer Rae screwed over Eva in the tag match on the show: Eva is terrible. She can’t wrestle, she’s there because of a reality show and how she looks in shorts, and she would drag down any team she’s in. It’s stupid, but at least it makes sense. That being said, we’re supposed to cheer for Eva because she’s some young tough girl that is trying to achieve something. We’re of course supposed to ignore how evil she is on the show.

On the other hand we have Summer chasing after Fandango, but if you watch Total Divas you would see them going on a date “in real life”, and them having ZERO chemistry and agreeing to just be friends. But now this is their “wrestling” life and there are feelings and a breakup there.

In other words, you need to watch Total Divas to understand one story but if you watch the show, the other story isn’t going to make sense. Hence the problem with the whole show.

Now we get to a match that was causing some issues with fans. El Torito beat Drew McIntyre, which fans called ridiculous, stupid and not believable. I don’t even know where to start on this. Time for a list!

1. Drew McIntyre hasn’t won a singles match on WWE TV since September 2012 when he won on Superstars. His last singles win on Smackdown was in March 2012 when he beat Hornswoggle. His last singles win on Raw was FOUR YEARS AGO. Drew McIntyre is a jobber. He’s been a jobber for years, he’s going to be a jobber for a long time to come, but because he loses ONE MATCH, it’s ridiculous? Yeah it’s to a comedy character, but that brings me to point #2.

2. Drew McIntyre is part of a comedy stable. 3MB is nothing but a comedy group and has been since the day they debuted. They’re in a war against a group that is only slightly more serious, and the real story is about a leprechaun vs. a half man/half bull who just had a WeeLC match with mini announcers and a mini ladder. But none of this works because a guy that hasn’t won a match on Raw in four years lost to a comedy character isn’t ok. Santino uses a freaking sock to beat a former World Champion, but Torito pins a jobber and the people are calling it completely unrealistic?

3. Where was this OUTRAGE when Torito pinned Slater on Smackdown a few weeks back?

4. Did I mention the pin on Drew wasn’t clean? Even still though, it’s time to freak out because a comedy character pinned a jobber.

Then Hornswoggle pulled off Torito’s tail, setting up a mask vs. hair match on Sunday. Is it stupid? Yes. Is it goofy? Yes. Is it for children? Yes. Is it something anyone should be mad about? Of course not, but they will anyway. I actually smiled at this a bit as they’re coming up on a match that actually makes sense in the feud. It’s cute and on a free show so why not?

That brings us to the big Wyatt promo this week. Bray did his usual stuff of calling Cena a hypocrite before moving over to Jerry Lawler. Jerry didn’t getin the ring but the Family beat up JBL and took Lawler into the ring. Bray asked Jerry if he had any issues with lying about Cena’s career and never bringing up anything that questioned Cena. Lawler didn’t mind, but the Wyatts threatened to attack him until Cena and the Usos made the save. Cena called Bray a hypocrite for attacking an innocent man who disagreed with what Bray thought.

This was the thing that WWE has needed to do for months now: have Bray do something evil. For months and months all we’ve been told is that Bray Wyatt is evil, but he hasn’t really done anything evil. Until people see him do something evil, like attacking a legend who had a heart attack live on TV two years ago and is in his early 60s, there’s no reason to boo him. Now people are seeing what’s behind the evil smile and there’s a reason to boo him. Notice the fans cheering for Cena as soon as he pointed all that stuff out about Wyatt. It can work.

Rusev beat up Ryder until Big E. made the save and waved the American flag on Memorial Day. Yeah Big E. is going to get mauled on Sunday in the yet to be advertised match, but this worked well and made Big E. look good for awhile. Speaking of looking good, I swoon over Lana more every time I see her.

Stephanie was talking to Alberto Del Rio about nothing that ever came up again.

Batista/Randy Orton beat the Rhodes Brothers in an elimination match. This didn’t mean anything and the elimination rule was thrown in at the last minute. The match made perfect sense and made Batista and Orton look good.

Bo Dallas beat Sin Cara just like he did on Smackdown. He isn’t great in the ring, but Dallas’ character is going to be amazing if they use him right.

Emma beat Alicia Fox in a nothing match. Post match, Alicia freaked out (again) and shouted that she was NOT a loser while ringing the bell and pouring soda over herself. I have no idea if this is going anywhere but Emma winning was rather questionable.

Then Damien Sandow dressed up as Davy Crockett and lost to Adam Rose. This is a hard one to defend so I won’t try, but I have no idea why anyone expected Sandow to remain a serious character. Rose and Swagger continued their feud with Rose getting the upper hand again. I’m also not sure why Rose didn’t debut against Swagger on Sunday.

We got the same Sheamus match we always get: Sheamus gets beaten up, there’s no reason for him to win, then he hits a Brogue Kick out of nowhere for the pin. Post match he was attacked by Cesaro to set up an injury angle though so maybe he loses the belt on Sunday.

The final segment of the night was the contract signing between Shield and Evolution. First and foremost, let’s look at the contract itself. This is a picture of what was on the paper last night.

contract

It’s nice to see there’s still a sense of humor in wrestling.

Anyway, the segment was nothing out of the ordinary. A brawl broke out and Evolution got the better of it for once thanks to the sledgehammer. You had to expect this after Shield stood tall for so long.

Overall last night’s show wasn’t all that bad. Yeah there were some stupid moments in there, but to say it was one of the worst shows of all time is WAY too big of a stretch. At the end of the day it really wasn’t a horrible show as a lot of stuff was set up for Sunday and the Sheamus vs. Del Rio match was only bad near the ending due to bad booking. There were some stupid moments, but it was nothing that far out of the ordinary. As usual, wrestling fans lose their minds over something that really wasn’t that big a deal.

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Smackdown – May 9, 2014: The Hangover Edition

Smackdown
Date: May 9, 2014
Location: First Niagara Center, Buffalo, New York
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

After Monday dealt with the fallout from Extreme Rules, which was fallout from Wrestlemania, we get to deal with the fallout from the fallout here on Smackdown. The main story at the moment is Evolution laying out Shield to end the show, meaning we’re likely setting up Evolution vs. Shield II at Payback. Also Daniel Bryan has gone from a monster at Wrestlemania to Laurie Strode about a month later. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the battle royal where Sheamus won the US Title, last eliminating reigning champion Dean Ambrose. This transitions into a recap of the main event where Evolution helped the Wyatts defeat Shield and beat down the Hounds of Justice post match.

US Title: Sheamus vs. Dean Ambrose

No Rollins and Reigns outside this time. Dean is favoring his ribs or arm coming in but takes Sheamus down to start. The champion counters into a headlock takeover followed by a running shoulder. Cole is already playing up Sheamus getting the title through less than fair measures, even though he won the match though totally fair and legal means. Sheamus cranks on the arm but Dean fights back with that kind of running Thesz Press of his.

They head outside with Sheamus ramming Ambrose into the announce table but getting suplexed onto the floor. Sheamus comes back with a rolling fireman’s carry as we take a break. Back with Dean fighting out of a full nelson and hammering away at Sheamus’ head. Sheamus goes shoulder first into the post and out to the floor, setting up a great looking suicide dive from Dean. Back in and we hit the Figure Four, which is some pretty lame psychology after Sheamus’ shoulder hit the post and barricade about twenty seconds ago.

The champ gets to a rope and comes back with the Irish Curse and a Cloverleaf. Another rope is grabbed and Dean heads to the apron, setting up the ten forearms to the chest. A big kick to the chest sends Dean into the ropes but he explodes out with a clothesline to put both guys down. Back up and the Brogue Kick out of nowhere sends Ambrose to the floor. Ambrose dives back in at nine, only to take a second Brogue Kick for the pin at 8:19 shown of 11:49.

Rating: C+. Again, I don’t see why this is supposed to be the start of a heel turn for Sheamus. He won the title in a match that is about everyone being in the ring at the same time where the announcers talk about how you have to watch your back. Then he beats the former champion clean with his finishing move. That sounds like one man being better than the other, not one man cheating to win. If that’s where they’re going, then hopefully Sheamus starts doing some heelish stuff instead of the turn being forced because the script says that’s what happens.

Rob Van Dam/Big E. vs. Bad News Barrett/Cesaro

Van Dam has a big black eye and Heyman is on commentary. The Bad News for the week is that climate change is coming and soon people like Big E. are going to be forgotten pieces of history. Barrett hammers on Van Dam to start but gets caught by the springboard kick to the face. Bad News puts on a chinlock as Heyman talks about Brock beating Undertaker. Another kick puts Barrett down and it’s a double tag to Big E. and Cesaro. Big E. takes over with the usual and gets two off the splash. A Rock Bottom out of the corner gets the same but Van Dam accidentally kicks Big E., setting up the Neutralizer for the pin at 2:38.

We look at stills of Bryan vs. Kane from the PPV.

Rusev vs. Kofi Kingston

Just Rusev now. We get another pro-Putin rant from Lana before the match, saying he should win the Nobel Peace Prize. Kofi fires off some kicks to start but gets crushed by a jumping kick to the face. A dropkick staggers Rusev and Kofi hammers away with right hands in the corner, only to have his sunset flip countered by a choke. The cross body gets two on Rusev but Kofi slams him down and hooks the Accolade for the win at 2:06.

The Wyatts come on screen with Bray talking about how the world must crumble because we’re all just slaves to judgment. Judgment tells him he must adapt and it is judgment that says he must bow to Cena. But where we’re going, no one ever comes back.

Bolieve!

Layla/Fandango vs. Santino Marella/Emma

Santino takes Fandango down with a headlock to start but the dancer slams him down. He takes too long dancing on the middle rope though and misses a knee drop, allowing for a double tag to the girls. There’s the Dilemma to Layla and everything breaks down. Emma loads up the pink Cobra but the guys fighting allows Layla to roll her up for the pin at 2:06.

Fandango and Layla kiss on stage.

Roman Reigns vs. Mark Henry

We get an inset interview from Henry saying this is about revenge for Shield attacking him 3-1 a few months ago. Points for continuity. Henry throws Reigns into the corner a few times before winning a slugout by going for Roman’s bad ribs. Mark talks a bunch of trash about how Reigns is by himself tonight and you can hear JBL cover up a laugh. He bends Reigns’ bad ribs around the post as this is one sided so far.

As I say that, Reigns comes back with the jumping clothesline to put Henry down for the first time. Roman tries another charge but runs into a clothesline from Mark. Henry loads up what appeared to be a Vader Bomb but Reigns lifts him onto his shoulders and plants Mark with a Samoan drop. The spear is enough for the pin at 3:45.

Rating: C-. This was a nice mini story with Reigns fighting through adversity and going into Beast Mode to win in the end. That’s the kind of win that makes Reigns look like a monster who isn’t going to be stopped and that’s exactly what he needs at this point. It’s not a masterpiece and was just a quick match but it was nice to see.

3MB vs. Los Matadores/El Torito

It’s Slater/McIntyre for 3MB here along with Horny. McIntyre clotheslines Fernando down for two to start before stomping away. Off to Slater as the big guys start tagging in and out to work over Fernando. JBL drops a Bastian Booger birthday greeting of all things as Horny comes in for some shots of his own. 3MB keeps up the tags until Fernando scores with a dropkick to put both guys down.

Horny: “TAG ME IN! I WANT TO RIP HIS FACE OFF!” Both small guys get tags and Torito starts biting, only to get punched in the jaw for his efforts. The Gore puts Horny on the floor but only seems to tick him off. Slater won’t tag in for some reason but does break up a pin attempt off a splash. Heath comes in legally but misses a charge, allowing Torito to hit a moonsault press for the pin at 4:23.

Rating: D+. The match was nothing to see but that’s become the standard for this feud. Speaking of nothing to see, did Los Matadores fall into a hole for the second half of the match? I’d assume they were fighting with the other full sized guys but the camera didn’t catch much of it if they were. This feud has run out of steam though.

Long recap of Bryan vs. Kane on Monday.

Mr. T. wishes us a Happy Mother’s Day.

Batista vs. Seth Rollins

This has potential. Rollins is banged up as well with a bad arm and misses a charge into the corner to start. Another missed charge sends Rollins to the floor and Batista ties him up in the ring skirt for a beating. The fans tell Batista he can’t wrestle before he pulls Rollins away from the ropes for a big crash to the mat. Back outside already with Seth going into the steps.

We hit the chinlock for a few moments before Batista goes after the bad arm by wrapping it around the post. Batista tries to pull Rollins out of the corner again but Seth backflips (mostly) to his feet. Big Dave misses a charge of his own and goes shoulder first into the post, allowing Rollins to hit some running forearms in the corner. A running sleeper slam from Rollins sets up the standing Sliced Bread #2 but Batista gets away.

Seth scores with an enziguri from the apron but misses the top rope knee to the head, only to run into the spinebuster. The Batista Bomb is countered and now the running knee sends Batista down to the floor. Seth goes up top for a dive, only to be sent face first into the announce table for the countout at 8:55.

Rating: C+. Give this another five minutes and it’s a far better match. This was another good sign for the Shield as Rollins can clearly hang in there with a big star in a longer match. He reminds me of a Jeff Hardy in the ring with all of the dives and it’s easy to get behind his comebacks.

Post match Batista lays Rollins out with a Batista Bomb.

Wyatt Family vs. Usos/John Cena

Cena runs over Rowan to start and scores with a quick release fisherman’s suplex. Harper comes in for one of those freaky looks of his so Cena takes him down with a bulldog. Off to Jey for some shots to the face before Jimmy comes in for some running shots in the corner. Luke comes back with a right hand of his own and it’s off to Rowan who walks into a Jimmy punch. Harper comes back in to take over on Jey with catapult into the middle rope for two.

Bray is legal for the first time and chokes even more as this isn’t the most energetic match in the world. Wyatt does the Spider Walk out of the corner but Jey kicks his arm away in a nice counter. A low bridge puts Bray on the floor but Harper breaks up a tag attempt. There’s the Gator Roll followed by a chinlock before it’s back to Erick for a headlock.

Jey shoves him into the corner and avoids a splash, finally allowing for the hot tag to Jimmy to face Bray. Cena gets in a cheap shot from the apron as Jimmy superkicks Harper down for two. Bray and Rowan double team Cena but Jimmy dives on all three of them. He goes back inside though and eats the discus lariat from Harper for the pin at 8:18.

Rating: D+. The match was fine from a technical standpoint but there was no energy to this at all. It felt like a dark match or the main event of a house show at the end of a long tour. Most of it was just punching and variations of chinlocks with no real big saves and almost nothing from Cena at all. I expected more from this one but it does advance the Family vs. Usos down the line.

Overall Rating: D+. This wasn’t much of a show as it’s really just a supplement to Raw, which wasn’t a great show in the first place. It’s cool to see the Shield wrestling on their own and they didn’t perform horribly, but the rest of the show really didn’t do anything for me at all. It’s really just a long set of matches that don’t change anything and won’t matter by the time Monday comes around.
 

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WeeLC Was AMAZING

It’s one of the funniest, over the top, self aware jokes you’ll see in years with mini commentators, a bunch of violence, and a genuinely big spot that made my eyebrows go up.  Track this one down if you didn’t see it the first time.




Smackdown – November 8, 2013: The Formulas For Success

Smackdown
Date: November 8, 2013
Location: Time Warner Cable Arena, Charlotte, North Carolina
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

Back to the blue show tonight which might mean another Cena appearance. Last week’s show was definitely an upgrade over what they had been doing lately but it’s hard to say where things go from here. If there’s one thing WWE is notoriously bad at doing it’s keeping momentum going, with the third hour of this week’s Raw being a prime example. This show has to be better than the Orton vs. Big Show segment, which we’ll likely see five or more times tonight. Let’s get to it.

A video on the Wyatts cuts off the opening sequence. It’s a recap of the Family being creepy and targeting Punk and Bryan over the last week and a half.

Here’s Punk with something to say. He talks about how Best in the World can mean a lot of things to a lot of different people. Apparently to the Wyatt Family it means the target of a three on one beatdown. No one has been brave enough to go ask the Wyatt Family why they’re coming after him, but tonight Punk is here to fight instead of talk. He’s been outnumbered before but he squashed the biggest rat in the WWE named Paul Heyman. Punk is going to be here all night long so come get him.

Instead Punk gets gets Curtis Axel who says Punk needs to shut his mouth. Axel doesn’t care about the Wyatts because they can wait in line. The two of them have some unfinished business because Punk got rid of Paul Heyman, so Vickie Guerrero has granted him a match with Punk right now.

CM Punk vs. Curtis Axel

In case you haven’t seen Punk beat him up enough yet. Axel stomps him down into the corner to start but charges into an elbow to the jaw. A top rope ax handle puts Curtis down again and a neckbreaker does the same. Punk kicks Axel in the leg to flip him upside down and they head to the floor. CM drapes him ribs first over the barricade and we take a break. Back with Punk fighting out of an armbar but not being able to hit the GTS. Axel bails to the floor and whips Punk into the barricade to take over.

Back inside and a backbreaker sets up a middle rope elbow for two on Punk. Axel charges into a boot and gets caught by a middle rope cross body for two but Curtis comes back with a clothesline for a near fall of his own. CM grabs a belly to back suplex and there’s another neckbreaker for two. The running knee to the face looks to set up the Macho Elbow but the Wyatts look to interrupt. There’s no sigh of them but Axel gets in a cheap shot and the PerfectPlex is good for two. Punk gets bored though and hits the GTS to end Axel for the pin at 8:22 shown of 11:52.

Rating: C-. Man, when the distraction trick can’t even get you a win, just give up. This is one of those pairings where there’s no point in watching because the ending is never in doubt. Axel’s status has just been crushed by this point and unfortunately for him, a lot of that isn’t his fault. There’s no reason to care about someone when they never win a match, which Axel barely ever does anymore.

Post match Bray pops up on screen but blows out the lantern without saying anything.

3MB vs. Usos/R-Truth

The good guys do a cool mix of their entrances with the Usos doing their chant and jumping to start the pyro which sets off R-Truth’s song. JBL: “Truth and I are like Lil Wayne and Eminem.” Cole: “You lip sync?” Slater gets chopped by both Usos but Mahal makes a blind tag and hits a running knee to Jimmy’s face for two. A knee drop gets another two and it’s back to Slater.

There’s a double slingshot suplex to set up a triple team spot from 3MB with McIntyre and Mahal lifting Jimmy up so Slater can hit a running neckbreaker. We get a chinlock instead of a cover though, allowing Jimmy to fight up and hit a spinning kick to the face. Mahal comes in but walks into a Bubba Bomb, allowing the hot tag to the hometown Truth. The Lie Detector gets two on Jinder and everything breaks down. The Usos hit the stereo dives, leaving Truth in the ring to hit Little Jimmy on Mahal for the pin at 3:58.

Rating: C+. That’s probably high but this was as fun of a short match as I’ve seen in a very long time. This was a basic formula tag match and it worked like a charm. You had one Uso get beaten down by some nice double team moves until the hometown guy came in to clean house. Throw in a nice spot with the double dives and the match gave the crowd something to cheer for. Fun stuff.

Funkadactyls vs. Tamina Snuka/AJ Lee

On the way to the ring AJ “plugs” Total Divas before saying let’s focus on the actual wrestling. Our top heel in this division for whatever reason ladies and gentlemen. Tamina shoves Cameron down to start but the funky one comes back with a sloppy looking headlock takeover out of the corner. The Funkadactyls drop Tamina with a double dropkick before low bridging her out to the floor. Tamina pulls Naomi out to the floor and clotheslines her down to take over for the first time.

Off to AJ for a guillotine choke but Naomi fights out and hits a LOUD enziguri to put AJ down. The hot tag brings in Cameron who isn’t the girl you want to clean house. A cross body gets two on AJ but Cameron misses a charge into the corner. Back to Tamina who gets caught in a sitout bulldog for two. Cameron’s hurricanrana out of the corner is caught in a powerbomb for two as everything breaks down. Naomi drills AJ with a solid forearm but Tamina clotheslines her down even harder. AJ is all ticked off so she comes in and puts Cameron in the Black Widow for the submission at 4:32.

Rating: C+. ……what the heck was that??? I can’t believe I’m saying this but I liked this match quite a bit. All four of the girls looked good out there and played their rolls perfectly, but on top of that everyone was crisp and hitting their spots perfectly. Nothing looked stupid or heavily choreographed and the match was as good of a Divas match as I’ve seen in MONTHS.

Here’s Alberto Del Rio with something to say. Alberto talks about being a great Mexican athlete which makes him better than anyone else in the world, including all of the gringos here. His title was stolen from him by John Cena, who is only cheered because the fans are stupid. Cena is a thief, walking around with something he doesn’t deserve. The fans don’t know this but Del Rio went in to the Cell PPV sick and with a bad knee, elbow and neck. JBL: “That’s true.” He fought anyway because he had Mexican pride, and after the rematch, he’ll be able to say el campeon esta aqui (Spanish for “the champion is here)!

This brings out Cena who says he isn’t here to fight because Del Rio is sick. Therefore, we need to give him a gift. Maybe some Edible Arrangements (a good one, not the best one), a card that plays Cena’s theme song, and a card saying sorry for taking the world title, hope you feel better, make sure to watch the JBL and Cole Show.

Alberto wants Cena to be serious (Gorilla Del Rio?) and get out but Cena says make him, because the world champion is two feet away from him. Cena wants the rematch right now and Alberto says he’ll break Cena’s arm tonight. Vickie says not so fast and makes the match for Survivor Series. However, both guys will be in action tonight. It’s Cena vs. Ryback and Del Rio gets Great Khali, with the latter being right now.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Great Khali

Khali hits a forearm to the head to start before firing off elbows in the corner. A hard chop to the chest knocks Del Rio out of the ring and Khali sends him into the barricade for good measure. Del Rio kicks the ropes as they come back in to put Khali down, allowing Alberto to stomp away. Alberto cranks on the arm but Khali fights up and kicks Del Rio out of the air. More loud chops in the corner have Alberto in trouble but he grabs an armbreaker over the ropes to stop Khali in his tracks. Khali shoves him out to the floor but gets caught by the enziguri in the corner. The cross armbreaker gets the submission at 5:10.

Rating: D+. The match wasn’t horrible, but it’s the same problem that so many people in WWE have: no one believes Khali is going to win, no matter how much he dominates Del Rio throughout the match. It gives me no reason to get interested in the match, as the action is nothing special and the ending is already a given. Why should I care under those circumstances?

Daniel Bryan vs. Luke Harper

Bryan has a taped up shoulder coming in but goes right after Harper before the bell. Harper pounds him down into the corner and goes after the bad shoulder to take Daniel down. There’s the Gator Roll to keep Bryan on the ground but he’s still able to send Harper to the floor. The FLYING GOAT connects but Bryan’s bad shoulder lands on the barricade. Harper gets up first and sends Bryan shoulder first into the barricade again as we take a break.

Back with Harper firing off elbows in the corner and throws him across the ring with ease. We hit the chinlock as the announcers talk about Dr. Phil for no apparent reason. Bryan tries to fight up but a single shout to the shoulder puts him back into the corner. Some kicks to the leg have Harper staggered a bit and there’s a dragon screw leg whip to put him down.

Bryan ties up Harper’s legs in a hold before driving in hard shots to the face, firing up the crowd in the process. Harper gets up a right hand in the corner to knock Bryan backwards, but Bryan backflips over him in the corner and hits the running clothesline. The kick kick to the head is countered into a sitout powerbomb but Bryan gets up at two. Bryan counters the discus lariat into the YES Lock but Rowan comes in for the DQ at 6:30 shown of 10:00.

Rating: B-. They’re sticking to formulas tonight and they’re working incredibly well so far. This was a good example of power vs. speed/technical abilities and Harper looked AWESOME in there. Bryan bounced all over like a pinball and the ending keeps both guys looking good. Solid effort out there, which is the point of having Bryan and Punk feud with these guys.

The beatdown is on but as Bray gets into the ring, Punk comes out for the save.

We go back to Raw to recap that infernal closing segment. Good grief we get it already: Big Show vs. Orton is awesome and we’ll praise its name forever. Just don’t make me sit through this anymore.

The weekly sitdown interview with HHH says Kane is the new Director of Operations, because if there’s one more thing WWE needs, it’s ANOTHER person with authority. The powers are yet to be revealed, but Kane has been tweeting about vigilance, which HHH translates as Kane being more than one dimensional.

John Cena vs. Ryback

Non-title. Cena comes out, goes to the back, and comes out again because the first pop wasn’t loud enough. Ryback grabs a headlock to start before running Cena over with a shoulder block. Back to the headlock but Cena counters into one of his own. Not the most exciting opening two minutes to a match. Cena fires off right hands in the corner but Ryback easily throws him off to block a bulldog.

In a very impressive power display, Ryback gorilla presses Cena over his head for probably fifteen seconds before dropping the champion down onto his face. Cena avoids a charge to send Ryback into the post as we take a break. Back with Cena countering a Boston Crab into an STF attempt but Ryback kicks him away. Ryback chokes Cena with his boot before whipping him hard across the ring for two.

Off to a front facelock by Ryback which is quickly switched into a bearhug. Cena fights free and shoulders Ryback down but Ryback counters the Shuffle into a spinebuster. Shell Shock is countered into a DDT to put both guys down but it’s Cena up first. The AA is countered and Ryback’s Jackhammer (called a suplex by Cole) gets two. Ryback charges with the Meat Hook but gets taken down into the STF. He gets to the rope in a nice false finish and hits Cena with a weak spear for two.

The Shell Shock is countered again and Cena grabs a full nelson, only to lift him up and pull Cena down into a neckbreaker for a close two. A high cross body puts Ryback down but he comes right back with a powerslam (Cole: “Shades of the Bulldog!” He references the British Bulldog but can’t remember what the Jackhammer?) for two. They slug it out in the middle of the ring but Ryback scores with the Meat Hook. The Shell Shock is countered again and this time it’s the AA for the pin on Ryback at 11:55 shown of 15:25.

Rating: B. There’s something awesome about letting two power guys beat the tar out of each other for fifteen minutes. The counters in this were getting very good by the end and Cena was busting out some great stuff out there. Ryback looked like he had Cena if he could hit that one big move but Cena kept countering in a nice story. This was a good contrast to Khali vs. Del Rio: Ryback was clearly going to lose, but here the match was hard hitting an entertaining to make up for that. Really solid main event here.

Post match Del Rio comes in to pound away on the arm. After a few moments of that, he actually goes after the bad arm by wrapping it around the post. Cena comes back with some right hands and Del Rio runs to end the show.

Overall Rating: B+. If we didn’t have that ridiculous ten minute long recap from Raw (which thankfully was cut to highlights on the American version), this was one of the best Smackdowns in months. The worst match was just five minutes long and the second worst was far from horrible, leaving us with good to very good matches to fill in the rest of the show. Really fun two hours of wrestling here with nothing new being stupid. Good stuff.

Results

CM Punk b. Curtis Axel – GTS

Usos/R-Truth b. 3MB – Little Jimmy to Mahal

AJ Lee/Tamina Snuka b. Funkadactyls – Black Widow to Cameron

Alberto Del Rio b. Great Khali – Cross armbreaker

Daniel Bryan b. Luke Harper via DQ when Erick Rowan interfered

John Cena b. Ryback – Attitude Adjustment

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Smackdown – September 27, 2013: I’ve Never Seen This Before

Smackdown
Date: September 27, 2013
Location: Bradley Center, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

The WWE is almost on the verge of a civil war between the HHH regime and a good chunk of the midcard. Daniel Bryan continues to be the one big hope for the good guys but tonight is about Dolph Ziggler as he challenges for Dean Ambrose’s US Title. Other than that we may see some new developments for Battleground which is now just over a week away. Let’s get to it.

Here’s HHH to open things up. He’s been checking social media and doesn’t like seeing terms like favoritism or abuse of power. Sometimes WWE Superstars would rather blame management for their own failures. HHH and Stephanie are fine with that burden because they simply can’t make everyone happy so they do what’s best for business. Then on Raw HHH puts Shield in an 11-3 handicap match, ending with Daniel Bryan pinning Seth Rollins for the final win. HHH continues to talk about how awesome the match was but here’s Miz to interrupt.

Miz doesn’t think there’s much to this idea of being fair but HHH cuts him off by reminding Miz of all the opportunities he’s been given. Miz is the classic example of what HHH was talking about: a superstar who failed but blames someone else. HHH put him in the ring with Randy Orton two weeks ago and here’s a clip of the beatdown Orton gave him in front of Miz’s family.

What HHH doesn’t get is why the beatdown that Randy Orton gave Miz should be on HHH’s head. It’s HHH’s job to protect Miz, even from himself. That’s why Miz only allowed Miz to host MizTV on Raw and he even threw Miz another opportunity by giving him Big Show as a guest. We get a clip of Stephanie telling Big Show to knock him out, which Miz says was ridiculous.

HHH asks Miz what he called Stephanie, with Miz repeating the castrated witch line, but he wishes he could replace the W with a B. Tempers were running high all around on Monday and HHH is sure Stephanie regrets what she said. However, let’s talk about tonight. Miz must be ready to go, so tonight it’s Miz vs. Randy Orton. Maybe HHH should even get in the jet and bring Miz’s parents here to watch another beatdown.

R-Truth vs. Alberto Del Rio

Non-title of course. Del Rio is very excited over what he did to RVD on Raw and he easily weathers an early Truth attack, only to miss a charge into the post. Truth’s suplex into a Stunner gets two but the ax kick misses, allowing Del Rio to hit the low superkick for the pin at 1:33.

Post match Del Rio goes after Truth even more until RVD makes the save and holds up the title.

In the back Vickie and HHH make the match with Del Rio vs. RVD a hardcore match. HHH’s name for the match: the Battleground Hardcore Rules match. Somehow, that might be more creative than the writing staff.

The Prime Time Players teach some stagehands the Millions of Dollars dance.

Prime Time Players vs. Real Americans

Swagger and Titus get things going with O’Neil kicking both Americans down like they’re not even there. Swagger comes back by taking out the leg before the Americans start some rapid tags. Jack drives Titus into the corner for some shoulders to the ribs before it’s back to Cesaro to stomp him down. Here’s the giant swing on O’Neil for a ridiculous 27 seconds. It’s one thing on a small guy like Santino but to do 22 revolutions on a guy 6’4 and over 260lbs is INSANE. Again, why in the world is Cesaro in this tag team and not fighting for world titles?

Cesaro is too dizzy to stop a tag though and Young starts cleaning house. Cesaro comes right back with a spinning Rock Bottom for two as everything breaks down. Darren gets a rollup for two on Antonio but Swagger gets in a blind tag. Young hits the Gut Check on Cesaro but Swagger comes back in with the Patriot Lock for the submission from Young at 3:45.

Rating: C. Any match with nearly 30 seconds of Titus O’Neil being swung around in a circle makes me it at least passable. The Players are a fine midcard team and Cesaro is awesome but Swagger is just there. He’s such damaged goods at this point that he’s dragging down anyone he works with. Heaven forbid we change anything about him though right? That would just be lunacy.

Bray Wyatt vs. Zack Ryder

Harper and Rowan throw Ryder into the ring but don’t do anything to him other than that. Zack fires off some right hands so Bray just runs him over and drives in shots to Ryder’s back. We actually get a chinlock from Wyatt but Ryder fights up and hits his usual stuff. The Rough Ryder is countered with Ryder being LAUNCHED into the air, followed by Sister Abigail’s Kiss getting the pin at 2:21.

US Title: Dean Ambrose vs. Dolph Ziggler

Kofi and RVD flank Ziggler for protection. Just get to the DQ and six man tag already. Dean takes over with a headbutt and rakes Ziggy’s eyes over the top rope. An elbow drop gets a quick one for the champion but Dolph comes back with punches in the corner and a dropkick. A Cactus Clothesline puts both guys on the floor, triggering a brawl for the DQ at 2:01.

HHH makes the six man.

Shield vs. Dolph Ziggler/Kofi Kingston/Rob Van Dam

The bell rings and we take a break literally a second later. Back with Van Dam firing off kicks to Rollins before driving shoulders in the corner. Rolling Thunder gets two but Rollins gets in a shot to Rob’s bad arm to take over. Off to Dean to crank on the arm but Rob comes back with a spin kick to the face to bring in Ziggler. Dolph snaps off a dropkick and drops five elbows instead of ten. Ambrose pops up and counters the jumping DDT into a snap spinebuster to give Shield control again.

Off to Reigns for a hard clothesline for two before bringing Dean back in to work on the ribs. Reigns comes back in and slams Dolph face first into the mat in a move so simple that it’s awesome. Something like a gutwrench slam has Ziggler in even more trouble but he comes back with a dropkick to put both guys down. Rollins breaks up another hot tag attempt but gets backdropped down, allowing for the real hot tag to Kofi.

Kingston speeds things up and hits the Boom Drop on Ambrose followed by the spinning cross body for two. Ziggler hits the Fameasser on Rollins but gets speared down by Reigns. Rob kicks Reigns down and clotheslines him to the floor for a moonsault from the apron. Kofi hits a springboard clothesline on Ambrose and Trouble in Paradise to Reigns, only to have Rollins hit the running knee to the head to give Dean the pin at 8:13 shown of 11:43.

Rating: B-. Good match for the most part with a very hot finish. Shield certainly still has it for the six man stuff as they went nuts out there with the fast spots for the ending. It’s always more fun when you don’t know who is going to win a match and Shield is great at those false finishes with the last second saves.

Big Show says he can’t sleep at night and is a pariah in his own locker room. He starts crying again when HHH comes in and says maybe Show should just walk away. They really need to read up on what IRON CLAD means. HHH offers to help him find a job as a doorman or baggage handler since Big Show’s size makes him “special.” Big Show holds his fist up at HHH but doesn’t do anything past that.

Cameron vs. AJ Lee

Non-title. Tamina comes out with AJ due to every other Diva being against her (according to AJ in an inset promo). AJ takes Cameron into the corner before hooking a cravate about 30 seconds into the match. Cameron comes back with a quick rollup and a flying leg attack which was supposed to be a cross body for two. AJ sends her to the floor and shouts that Cameron is useless. Tamina takes out an interfering Naomi and the Shining Wizard knocks out Cameron for the pin at 2:41. Still no idea who I’m supposed to cheer for here but Cameron is worthless.

Here’s Heyman to show us a clip of him pinning Punk at the PPV. The fans have disappointed him because they’re surprised he pinned Punk. Heyman trade secret: Punk will lose every time the fans’ blood lust drives him to come after Paul. We look at the Heyman guys destroying Punk on Monday. Heyman thanks everyone for their help on Monday and that includes the fans for driving Punk to do it. Punk is crazy enough to want a match with Ryback at Battleground which will end up with Punk on his back and looking up at the best in the world.

Santino Marella vs. Heath Slater

Santino has Hornswoggle and Great Khali with him. Slater drops Santino with a single right hand to start and we hit the chinlock thirty seconds into the match. Santino comes back with his punches and hiptoss, only to have Slater knee him in the ribs to stop the comeback. As much of a comeback as you can have in the first minute of a match that is.

Slater gets crotched on the top and Santino loads up the Cobra….but Mahal plays a flute to hypnotize the sock. Khali plays a flute of his own to counter but McIntyre takes him down. The Cobra is about to attack Santino when Horny makes the save. Khali plays some more flute, allowing Santino to hit Slater with the Cobra for the pin at 2:58. I’ve watched wrestling for over 25 years and I can honestly say I’ve never seen anything like this.

Los Matadores arrive on Raw.

We recap the Rhodes Family troubles. Cody and Goldust (and presumably Dusty) accept an invitation to Raw on Monday.

The Miz vs. Randy Orton

Miz charges at Orton to start and fires off left hands in the corner. A clothesline sends Orton to the floor and he goes into the post for good measure. Back in and Miz pounds away even more before kicking Orton in the face. The running corner clothesline only hits buckle though and Orton has a breather. Miz might have injured his shoulder and has to be looked at but says he can keep going. Orton immediately grabs the Elevated DDT and won’t let the doctor check on Miz again, drawing a DQ at 3:05. I’m not going to bother rating it due to a good chunk being spent on the medical check but this was more of an angle than a match.

Cue HHH to say that Orton isn’t getting out of it that easily so we’re restarting this as a No DQ match. Orton throws Miz over the announce table and then into the steps as he’s in psycho mode. Miz gets in a chair shot to the ribs but Orton gets in a shot of his own to take over again. Another Elevated DDT on the floor knocks Miz out cold but it’s the RKO for the pin at about 6:20 total.

Rating: C. Again this was more of an angle than a match. They’re doing a much better job at getting Orton over as a heel here though and that’s the important thing. Orton being all smug and holding the title isn’t going to get people to hate him but being a psycho that destroys people when they can’t defend themselves certainly will. Miz is a good choice for a sacrificial lamb.

Overall Rating: C. This was a story building show and there’s nothing wrong with that. The show flew by and never dragged, but there’s nothing on here you need to see. The good for business thing was a bit better tonight with HHH screwing over faces instead of heels like he did on Monday. Not a bad show but it was a supplement to Raw which is a bad choice for Smackdown.

Results

Alberto Del Rio b. R-Truth – Superkick

Real American b. Prime Time Players – Patriot Lock to Young

Bray Wyatt b. Zack Ryder – Sister Abigail’s Kiss

Dolph Ziggler b. Dean Ambrose via DQ when Shield interfered

Shield b. Rob Van Dam/Dolph Ziggler/Kofi Kingston – Ambrose pinned Kingston after a running knee to the head

AJ Lee b. Cameron – Shining Wizard

Santino Marella b. Heath Slater – Cobra

Randy Orton b. Miz – RKO

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume I at Amazon for just $4 at:

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Smackdown – July 5, 2013: Daniel Bryan Really Does Liven Things Up

Smackdown
Date: July 5, 2013
Location: Landon Arena, Topeka, Kansas
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

We now know everyone in the MITB matches at the PPV so tonight is likely to be all about building towards the match, much like on Raw. Other than that we’re likely to get more between Ziggler and Del Rio after Dolph cost the champ a match against Cena. If we’re lucky we’ll even get more Daniel Bryan goodness. Let’s get to it.

The opening airs for the second week in a row. It’s better than the voiceover.

Here’s Punk to get us going. We get a clip of him getting annoyed at Curtis Axel for stealing the pin in their tag match on Raw. Punk says if he was Cena, he’d come out here and make a big speech about the 4th of July and how awesome it is, but thankfully for the fans, his name is CM Punk. To him, the 4th of July is about independence. A group of like minded guys got together and decided to not live by someone else’s rules. They were willing to die for what they believed in and that’s something Punk can get behind.

If Punk is given rules to follow, odds are he’s going to break them. When someone tells him to do something one way, odds are he’s going to run in the other direction. When he was told he was going to be the big thing after Wrestlemania, he walked away. When someone told him that his chances at winning another MITB match were really low, he decided to line them up and yell at them. He has two goals: get his hands on Brock Lesnar and become WWE Champion again.

Cue Alberto (Punk: “I wasn’t done.”) who says he was expecting more from Punk. Punk says he was expecting a cool car instead of just a guy in a cheap suit. Del Rio brags about being world champion and says this is his show. Alberto makes fun of Americans for stuffing themselves with hamburgers and hot dogs on Independence Day and then spending the rest of the year getting fatter and fatter. Then they come to Smackdown and cheer for Dolph Ziggler while chanting USA.

Punk wants to know why Del Rio has changed his tune so quickly. Just a few weeks ago Del Rio was bragging about being born in Mexico and made in the USA, but then everyone saw through him. Del Rio says Punk is a little chihuahua and someone like the world heavyweight champion needs to teach him some manners. Punk: “That just makes you the #1 contender to my title: Best in the world.” Nice line. Del Rio orders Punk out of his ring right now but remember Punk doesn’t like being told what to do. Teddy, main event made, moving on. This was a solid opening segment but unfortunately it results in a Del Rio main event.

Post break Heyman asks Punk if he can get the match canceled because Punk has nothing to gain. Punk says he wants to fight so Heyman offers to be in Punk’s corner at MITB. Punk declines again and Heyman looks annoyed.

Usos vs. Rhodes Scholars

The Scholars brag about winning MITB in nine days but the fans don’t seem to buy it. Cody starts with Jimmy but ramming the Samoan’s head into the buckle has no effect. I miss racial stereotypes in wrestling. Cody dropkicks Jimmy down and brings in Sandow to stomp away for a few seconds. The Russian legsweep sets up the Wind-Up Elbow for two before it’s back to Rhodes. Things quickly break down and both Scholars get superkicked, setting up a double Superfly Splash for the pin on Sandow at 2:17.

Post match the Shield pops up on screen and says the loss on Raw isn’t derailing their mission of justice. At Money in the Bank, the Usos are going to need more than luck. Ambrose says that Monday was Christian’s one chance out of 100 to get lucky. Prepare to live in a world where Dean Ambrose is waiting in the shadows with a Money in the Bank briefcase.

Alicia Fox vs. Kaitlyn

Fox drives Kaitlyn into the corner to start and gets two off a quick suplex. We hit the chinlock thirty seconds into the match before Alicia slams Kaitlyn head first into the mat. Back to the chinlock but Kaitlyn fights up….and here’s AJ to skip around the ring. Kaitlyn fights the urge to stare at AJ for a bit but finally knocks her off the apron, allowing Alicia to hit the most devastating move in all of wrestling: the ROLLUP OF DISTRACTION, for the pin at 2:45.

Post match the Bellas stop AJ and say that she needs to watch out because they’ll be taking the Divas Title soon. Langston runs them off but AJ is scared of Kaitlyn coming to get her. It isn’t that bad though because Kaitlyn is less aerodynamic because of those big man arms. Langston wants to know what AJ is going to do for Dolph’s match later but she’ll just text him and it’ll be all cool.

We recap the events between Bryan, Kane and Orton in their match on Monday.

Christian says that he’s beaten Orton before and he can do it again tonight. Orton says he’s beaten Christian before and he’ll do it again tonight in one more match.

Wyatt Family promo.

Randy Orton vs. Christian

Feeling out process to start with Orton taking Chrsitian down with a shoulder. A clothesline gets two for Randy but Christian sends him throat first into the middle rope. Christian tries the uppercut from the floor but Orton ducks away and tries the Elevated DDT, only to have Christian counter with a backdrop to the floor. We take a break and come back with Orton getting up from a missed knee drop but coming back with the Thesz Press.

Christian snaps Orton’s throat across the top rope and gets two off the high cross before putting on a chinlock. Randy escapes and they slug it out again with Orton dropkicking Christian down. He tries the powerslam but Christian puts on the brakes to send Orton down. Instead Randy drives down punches in the corner and gets two off the falling powerbomb (think the Big Ending but with Christian facing up).

Christian avoids an RKO out of the corner but gets caught in a rolling cradle for two. Both finishers are countered and Christian puts Orton down with a belly to back suplex. The spear gets two but the Killswitch is countered into the Elevated DDT but Christian counters the RKO yet again. Christian jumps over Orton but walks into the RKO for the pin at 9:48 shown of 12:48.

Rating: B-. I loved the idea of both guys knowing each other so well that they can counter all the signature stuff. It worked two years ago in their big feud and it still works very well here. Both guys looked good out there, but why put Orton over Christian when the Canadian is already an underdog in the ladder match?

Teddy Long tells Heyman to do commentary on the main event tonight.

We get a clip from the App with Ziggler telling AJ to see the big picture: forget Kaitlyn and become a power couple.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Drew McIntyre

Before the match Ziggler talks about how fast the last few months have gone. He won the world title from Alberto Del Rio and then Del Rio was trying as hard as he could to make people like him. Ziggler may be cocky, but he’s never claimed to be something he’s not. At MITB, he’s taking back his world title.

Dolph fires off right hands in the corner but a hurricanrana attempt is countered into a buckle bomb for two. Drew stomps him in the corner and gets two off a snap suplex. A chinlock is quickly broken so Drew puts him down with a pair of backbreakers. Ziggler comes back with the corner splash and a dropkick before countering a tilt-a-whirl into the Zig Zag for the pin at 3:11.

Rating: D+. There isn’t much you can get out of a three minute match, but it’s nice to see the jobbers being used like they’re supposed to be. Ziggler gets an easy win and the jobbers don’t lose anything as a result. There wasn’t much to see here but it makes sense given the post match stuff from Raw.

Ziggler bails to avoid a three on one attack. He charges back in, gets in a few shots and then bails again to mess with the Band.

We get the career retrospective on Mark Henry from Raw.

Fandango vs. Justin Gabriel

Fandango quickly takes him down and dances a bit, only to have Gabriel kick his head off. Justin sends him face first into the apron but charges into a knee to the face. The top rope legdrop is good for the pin on Justin at 1:36.

We The People talk about how many Americans don’t appreciate the Fourth of July.

Alberto Del Rio vs. CM Punk

Heyman is on commentary. They take turns shoving each other into the corner with Punk snapmaring him down and hitting a dropkick to the back of Alberto’s head. Del Rio fires off right hands in the corner but misses a charge to put him down. Alberto rolls to the floor to avoid the Macho Elbow and we take a break. Back with Del Rio hitting a running kick to the arm in the corner before putting on an armbar. The low superkick gets two on Punk as Heyman talks about Cole being a Paul Heyman guy back in the day.

The armbar is countered into a GTS attempt but Del Rio escapes into the Codebreaker to the arm for two. A kick to the head gets two more and it’s back to the armbar. Del Rio may be boring but his psychology is sound. If your finishing move is an arm hold, why focus on anything but softening up the arm? Punk slams him down and goes up top but Alberto hits a nasty running enziguri for two.

Punk comes back with some kicks and clotheslines but charges into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. A baseball slide sends him to the floor and Del Rio whips him shoulder first into the barricade. Alberto loads up the announce table and punches Heyman down, sending Punk into a rage. It’s a double countout at 7:40 shown of 10:40. Lillian calls it a no contest by way of a double countout. Are we not allowed to say draw anymore?

Rating: D+. This was dull stuff with a long stretch of the match being spent in the same armbar. Del Rio’s psychology may be sound, but man alive can his matches be dull a lot of the time. The ending makes sense as you want to keep both guys looking strong and Del Rio can’t lose two matches in a week.

Del Rio takes the GTS and Punk checks on Heyman to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This show did a good job of building up the PPV matches but it wasn’t great on its own. The problem with the episode was they spent a lot of time focusing on the All-Star ladder match which left the Smackdown ladder match in the cold. It’s not all that strong on its own and needs all the build it can get, but the show’s main event and featured match were about the other ladder match. Not a bad show this week but it needed better prioritizing.

Results

Usos b. Rhodes Scholars – Double Superfly Splash to Sandow

Alicia Fox b. Kaitlyn – Rollup

Randy Orton b. Christian – RKO

Dolph Ziggler b. Drew McIntyre – Zig Zag

Fandango b. Justin Gabriel – Top rope legdrop

CM Punk vs. Alberto Del Rio went to a double countout

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my book on the History of Starrcade From Amazon for just $4 at:

 




Smackdown – March 22, 2013: Thank Goodness I Didn’t Go To This Show

Smackdown
Date: March 22, 2013
Location: U.S. Bank Arena, Cincinnati, Ohio
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole, Josh Matthews

With Wrestlemania coming up very soon we’ve got almost everything set, meaning that the next few weeks will be spent building up everything else that we’ve already established. The main event tonight is Swagger vs. Jericho in a rematch from last week where Swagger beat Jericho through the help of some shenanigans. Let’s get to it.

The opening recap is from Raw with Swagger breaking Ricardo’s ankle as well as Big Show joining Orton and Sheamus to face the Shield.

We open with MizTV with guests Sheamus and Randy Orton. Orton wants Big Show to replace Ryback in the six man tag at Wrestlemania but Sheamus isn’t sure. Neither guy trusts him, but sometimes you have to do something you aren’t sure of in order to survive. At Wrestlemania, Orton wants a ticked off giant on their side. Here’s Big Show to give us his take on this.

Miz talks about being Show’s partner back in the day and Big Show ending the team by knocking him out. Big Show: “I’ve dated women bigger than you so shut your lip.” Show talks about knocking out a member of the Shield and how they can work together to stop the Shield once and for all. Sheamus talks about his past with Big Show and a showdown is teased but Orton plays peacemaker. Miz: “REALLY? Randy Orton is the voice of reason of this group???” Before Show and Sheamus start arguing even more, here’s Booker T to interrupt. Tonight the three of them will be in a six man tag against opponents to be named.

Mark Henry vs. Zack Ryder

Ryder is shoved in the corner but comes back with a few right hands. Like an idiot though he tries a cross body and gets caught in the World’s Strongest Slam for the pin at 52 seconds.

Ryder gets two more slams as Henry shouts at him about how many can he take. Ryback finally comes out for the big staredown as Ryder is carried out like a pancake. Henry charges but is taken down by the Meat Hook to send Henry into a state of confusion on the floor.

Teddy looks for Booker’s approval for teaming up with Vickie to make Henry vs. Ryback. Booker isn’t pleased because Teddy should have consulted with his boss, as in Booker. Teddy doesn’t like the idea that he works for Booker, because he works with him.

We get the Booker Hall of Fame video.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Kofi Kingston

Well to be fair it’s been four whole days since we saw this match. AJ sits in on commentary. A quick neckbreaker puts Kofi down as JBL hits on AJ. Kofi comes back with his jumping clotheslines and the Boom Drop for no cover. Langston distracts Kingston from trying Trouble in Paradise though, allowing Dolph to hit a dropkick as we take a break.

Back with Kofi sliding through the ropes and kicking Dolph in the face. As Kingston goes up though, Ziggler crotches him down as AJ complains about being in a match with Dolph and her two exes. Kofi comes back with some right hands but another dropkick gets two. Ziggler hooks a chinlock for a bit but Kofi fights up and sends him shoulder first into the post. The middle rope cross body gets two for Kofi but a springboard splash hits knees, giving Ziggler a two count.

Trouble in Paradise misses and there’s the sleeper to Kingston. Kofi escapes again and gets two off the SOS as AJ sings Dolph’s praises. Dolph falls to the floor but Langston guards him from a suicide dive. Kofi dives on Big E. instead but the distraction lets Ziggler hit the Fameasser on the floor. AJ: “I’m going to have that man’s babies. And they’re going to have great hair and the abs of a Greek god.” Back inside the Zig Zag finishes Kofi at 6:31 shown of 10:01.

Rating: C. Not their best match here but it’s nice to see Ziggler get back on top even a little bit. Kofi will bounce back from this as he’s always lost a lot over his career. It’s rumored that he might be turning heel, which could be interesting given how serious he’s been in the past. The match here wasn’t great but these two are incapable of having an actual bad match against each other.

Langston hits the Big Ending on Kofi post match.

We recap Fandango and Jericho’s interaction from Raw.

We get the CM Punk promo about Undertaker from Raw.

Orton again has to tell Sheamus and Big Show to stop fighting.

We look at Ricardo having his ankle broken again.

Jack Swagger vs. Chris Jericho

After a break, Colter talks about Ricardo’s injury from Raw and how that should be a warning to anyone who disagrees with what they say. This would include Jericho who interrupts Swagger as he repeats his catchphrase. Feeling out process to start with Jericho knocking Swagger out to the floor. Colter calms down an angry Swagger but Jericho comes to the floor and rams Jack’s back into the barricade. Back in and Swagger takes out Chris’ leg to take over for the first time.

Jericho comes back with a kick to the chest for two but the Codebreaker is countered as Jericho is rammed into the corner. Swagger loads up a superplex, only to be shoved off the top and hit with a cross body for two. With Jack rolling to the floor, Jericho hits a sweet plancha to take Swagger out as we take a break.

Back with Swagger hitting a clothesline for two and pounding on the back for good measure. Jericho is sent shoulder first into the buckle but Swagger misses a charge, allowing Jericho to speed it up a little. A top rope fist to Swaggers face puts him down and Jericho pounds away in the corner as the fans chant his name. Jericho’s hurricanrana is countered into the Patriot Lock but Jericho sends Swagger out to the floor.

There’s the springboard dropkick to send Jack to the floor….and here’s Fandango with his full entrance. The distraction allows Swagger to hit a powerslam for two. A side roll gets the same for Jericho but when he can’t hook the Walls he instead catapults Swagger into the ropes. Jericho loads up the Lionsault but Fandango trips him up, allowing Swagger to hit the Vader Bomb for the pin at 9:04 shown of 12:34.

Rating: C. This wasn’t as good as last week’s and again I don’t like the idea of a guy who might be world champion in three weeks needing Fandango’s help to beat someone. This sets up Jericho vs. Fandango at Wrestlemania for reasons that I don’t comprehend. That’s quite a way to push someone new though.

Post match Fandango beats up Jericho and shouts WHAT IS MY NAME. A guillotine legdrop leaves Jericho laying so Fandango pronounces his name again for good measure.

Big Show says his partners can trust him. Trust him, that’s true.

We get the Rock vs. Cena video from Raw.

Here are the Rhodes Scholars along with the Bellas. The guys say the girls are beautiful and that’s about it.

Rhodes Scholars vs. Brodus Clay/Tensai

Tensai is in a coonskin cap for no apparent reason. Rhodes and Tensai start things off before it’s quickly off to Brodus who runs over every Scholar in sight. The girls get in a fight on the floor and the match is thrown out at 1:10.

Sheamus says Big Show can trust himself and Orton.

The Miz vs. Antonio Cesaro

Barrett is on commentary and this is non-title. A quick rollup gets two for Miz but he charges into a knee to the face. Cesaro kicks him in the back and face for two each. The gutwrench suplex gets another near fall and it’s off to the cravate. Miz fires back with a knee lift and a big boot, followed by the running corner clothesline and the top rope ax handle.

The Figure Four is countered once but after a chop block Miz takes out the knee and gets the submission in 2:13. Yes, the United States Champion just tapped out 100% clean in less than two and a half minutes in a match to set up an Intercontinental match. Let that sink in for a minute.

Post match Miz calls out Barrett and says he’s only champion for now.

We recap the contract signing and announcement of the stipulations for Lesnar vs. HHH from Raw.

Randy Orton/Sheamus/Big Show vs. 3MB

Yes, all night long the super team has been worried about not being able to work together against 3MB, the team that I believe at least two of them have individually beaten before. Orton and Mahal get things going with Randy pounding away in the corner. Off to Sheamus as apparently Big Show isn’t official yet. Mahal gets in some right hands but Sheamus easily pounds him down and hits the Regal Roll.

Off to Big Show vs. McIntyre with Show hitting ten chops on the ropes ala Sheamus’ forearms. Back to Mahal and then Slater with both guys being tossed into the ring. With Slater laid out on the mat it’s back to Orton for the powerslam but Slater breaks up the Elevated DDT. Slater gets in a cheap shot and stomps away before it’s off to McIntyre for a neckbreaker. Back to Heath who goes up, only to jump into a dropkick by Randy. The tag brings in Show who cleans house and knocks out McIntyre, only to have Sheamus tag himself in and Brogue Kick Mahal for the pin at 5:53.

Rating: D. Again, we’ve seen at least Sheamus beat all three of these guys on his own, so what exactly was this supposed to prove? It’s like saying you need to be able to work together to crush a group of ants. I get the idea of working together but they didn’t even need to. Did we really need to sit through two hours to get to this?

Sheamus and Big Show are about to fight again but here’s Shield. Before they get here though Sheamus and Big Show get in a fight and shove Orton away. Actually never mind as they stop fighting once Shield is at ringside. Scratch that again as Shield is already bailing without ever getting in the ring to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. What in the world did I just wasted two hours on? The world champion isn’t here and we’re 16 days until Wrestlemania? Alberto is so angry about what happened on Monday that he let Swagger get by for free here. We can’t even get an interview from him? Seriously? On top of that we have the United States Champion playing a role that Heath Slater could have played just as well. This show was a waste of time and thank goodness I didn’t waste my time to go and see it. Terrible show.

Results

Mark Henry b. Zack Ryder – World’s Strongest Slam

Dolph Ziggler b. Kofi Kingston – Zig Zag

Jack Swagger b. Chris Jericho – Vader Bomb

Brodus Clay/Tensai vs. Rhodes Scholars went to a no contest

The Miz b. Antonio Cesaro – Figure Four Leg Lock

Big Show/Randy Orton/Sheamus b. 3MB – Brogue Kick to Mahal

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews