Impact Wrestling
Date: January 10, 2013
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Todd Keneley, Tazz, Mike Tenay

It’s both the go home show for Genesis and the return of Gut Check, although in a tweeked format. This time it’s going to be TWO guys fighting for a contract, although there’s no word on whether or not a win guarantees a contract. Other than that we’re getting ready for Genesis, which isn’t exactly a show I’m thrilled about watching. Let’s get to it.

After the opening recap, here are Sting, Joe and Angle to the ring. Sting says it’s good to be back and on Sunday he’s coming for Doc. As for tonight, he’s here with some friends like the big black bat, Shooter and Killer. He invites the bikers to come get some and Joe says the same. Kurt gets a HUGE chant and says that he wants to know where Mr. Anderson stands.

Here’s Anderson who says that these guys were nowhere to be seen months ago when Aces and 8’s beat him down. After that Sting had a new partner (he’s talking about the BFG match) and now they’re questioning why he would turn his back on TNA. Angle says you’re either with us or we’re going to fight. Anderson gets in the ring and says he doesn’t have to answer to Angle and the fight is on.

One of the Gut Check guys is Jay Bradley, who odds are you don’t remember from WWECW as Ryan Braddock.

Brooke Hogan gets a phone call from Mark, which is Bully Ray’s first name.

X-Division #1 Contenders Tournament Semi-Finals: Zema Ion vs. Kenny King

The winner of this faces Christian York at Genesis with the winner getting a title shot at Van Dam later in the night. King sends him to the floor but misses a dive, followed immediately by Ion sliding back in and hitting a flip dive of his own. Back in and King gets two off a spinwheel kick as we talk about the new PPV system. Ion guillotines King on the top rope and gets two off a DDT. King tries the Royal Flush but gets taken down instead. Ion loads up a 450 but misses, and by misses I mean hits King as King rolls away. King pops up and hits the Royal Flush to advance to Genesis at 3:05.

Rating: C. Take two guys, put them in the ring and have them fly around the ring all over the place. Nothing special here but King looks much better than Ion. Then again I’ve seen festering blisters that don’t look as bad as Ion. Also wasn’t King a heel until a few weeks ago? He certainly didn’t act like one here.

King says he’ll win on Sunday.

Robbie E tries to get Tessmacher into a mixed tag later but she wants to tag with Robbie T. Tessmacher to E: “You disgust me!” E: “Why does every girl say that to me???”

Joseph Park is back and is ready to be a wrestler. He then walks into a door and can’t get inside.

Tara/Jesse Godderz vs. Robbie T/Miss Tessmacher

If nothing else, we get a clip of the Bro Off and Robbie E’s hilarious face. Jesse tries to jump Rob from behind because he’s an idiot and earns a slam. Off to the girls with Tessmacher taking over and hitting an X Factor out of the corner. There’s a Stinkface because that’s what you get on a wrestling show. T LAUNCHES Jesse into the corner and hits a BIG old powerbomb for the pin at 1:46.

T and Tessmacher dance post match and Robbie E LOSES IT. They kiss and E is about to have a heart attack. WHY DID IT TAKE THIS LONG FOR THEM TO BE THIS FUNNY???

Brian Cage talks about Gut Check.

Gut Check: Brian Cage vs. Jay Bradley

They’re both rookies and next week only one of them gets a contract. I have no idea which is which here. I know Bradley is from OVW but I’m not familiar with Cage. Bradley takes over with a slam and loads up his clothesline finisher but gets dropkicked tot he apron instead. Cage gets on the middle rope to suplex Bradley back inside and gets two off a spinning top rope elbow. Bradley pops back up and hits his running clothesline (the Boomstick) for the pin at 3:23.

Rating: C. This was fine but at the end of the day, this doesn’t really address the main problems with Gut Check: we never see these guys again, they’re still just guys in trunks fighting, and they all have the same story. Bradley was fine and will get the contract and no one will care, because we haven’t been given a reason to care.

Anderson yells at Aces and 8’s telling them to get serious. The girls are thrown out. The bikers go to a meeting and yell at Knox for losing his mask.

Joseph Park is in the ring and is glad to be back from camp. He asks Hulk to come out and here’s the big bald himself. Hulk says he’s got important things to deal with right no and Park needs more time than just a few weeks in camp. Park wants one of the Aces and 8’s so Hulk gives him any match he wants to shut him up.

Park leaves so here’s Brooke to pop up on screen and say she’s coming to the ring right now….thanks for the warning I guess?

Post break here’s Brooke to whine about being ignored. She has an important question and it’s going to determine their relationship for a long time. The question is will he reinstate Mark and Hulk says no. Well that was quick.

Aries and Roode talk about how awesome their shirts are and argue about what to wear to the ring. An argument over who is better and deserves to be the champion follows. If I heard Aries right, he calls them a wet dream team. Now they argue over who gets to go to the ring first. Funny stuff here.

Video on the guys in the triple threat on Sunday.

Bobby Roode/Austin Aries vs. Jeff Hardy/James Storm

So again, the bikers and their matches on Sunday of Sting vs. Doc and Park vs. likely Knox takes precedent over the world title. Roode and Hardy start things off with both guys getting in some quick shots, leading to a stalemate. Off to Aries via an aggressive tag so he can show off some lighter trunks. Aries takes hardy to the mat and rides him around to show off a bit. Hardy comes back with a headscissors and the good guys double team their villains for a bit. Aries gets hung upside down from the ropes by his feet before arguing with Roode for not pulling him down.

We take a break and come back with Roode charging into an elbow in the corner. Hardy goes up to dive onto the floor onto Roode but gets shaken down and crotched. Aries tags himself in by slapping Roode hard on the back before going after Jeff’s leg. Back to Roode who gets caught in a sunset flip for a delayed two due to the referee arguing with Aries. Back to Austin who takes turns with Roode in trying to one up the other. Roode suplexes Hardy down for no cover and drops a knee for the same.

Roode goes up but jumps into a boot, which combined with a mule kick by Jeff brings in Storm off the hot tag. Storm cleans house to big reactions from the crowd. An Alabama Slam puts Aries down as does a neckbreaker to Roode. Closing Time (Codebreaker) sends Aries to the floor but Daniels and Kaz run in to distract Storm and prevent the Last Call. Hardy hits a Twisting Stunner on Roode but Aries blasts Jeff in the back with the belt for the DQ at 13:38.

Rating: C+. This was perfectly fine for what it was supposed to be: a basic main event style tag match to set up a triple threat as well as a singles match on Sunday. The idea of two challengers being in an argument over the title on Sunday and allowing Hardy to overcome the odds to retain is a good idea.

Roode and Aries fight over the belt post match.

Brooke tells Mark not to come here tonight but asks him to come pick her up. Ok then.

The tag champs attack Morgan and Ryan inside a trailer. Still don’t care about this.

We run down the Genesis card. There’s a Knockouts gauntlet match for a title shot at a date to be determined. Park gets to fight D-Von on Sunday presumably meaning that Knox doesn’t have a match on Sunday.

Hardy monologues about Sunday.

Mr. Anderson vs. Kurt Angle

Anderson comes out from the regular entrance and to his own music. He does his entrance as usual and I can’t say I missed it that much. Well I could but I would be lying. Anderson bails to the floor to hide and Angle tells him to get in here for a fight. Anderson stalls some more and here’s Knox with the hammer to beat Angle down. No match. Brisco and Bischoff and Joe run out for the save.

Angle gets taken out on a stretcher. I’m guessing he needs time off.

Sting comes out and wants Knox RIGHT NOW. Well after a break that is of course.

Post break and it’s bat vs. hammer in what I think is going to be a match in a bit. Yep we get a bell after Knox gets hit with a bat.

Sting vs. Mike Knox

Hit with a bat? Why would that stop someone? Knox pounds Sting down to start as the fans chant for Sting. We head to the floor with Sting sending Knox into the steps a few times which still isn’t a DQ. Sting puts him against the barricade and ACTUALLY HITS THE SPLASH. That might be the second time I’ve ever seen him hit that. Back in and the Deathlock is countered but Sting no sells Knox’s offense. The Splash sets up the Death Drop for the pin at 3:24.

Rating: D. I’m seriously laughing at this match. Knox, the newest member of the team, is already losing his matches just like a good member of the team. They’ve completely lost the chances of making people take them seriously at this point, which defeats the purpose of a monster heel stable in the first place. Nothing to see here at all.

Post match Sting hits Knox in the hand with a hammer but D-Von pops up with possession of Brooke. He promises to make this their year and here’s Ray with his chain for the save. Brooke gets away from Aces and 8’s after being in their grip for all of 18 seconds. Hogan comes out with his arms crossed and glares.

Post break Hogan blames Ray for all these problems and says Ray isn’t the man for his daughter. Ray goes into his “I love this business” schtick and that he didn’t think he could love anything more than wrestling….until he met Brooke. She was apologizing for Hogan being a jerk. Hulk drops his mic and Ray keeps talking about how fast this is happening. He says screw this and puts Brooke between the two of them. Bully says he cares about Brooke a lot and gets on his knee to propose to her. She says yes and Ray wants it to happen next week on Impact. Sure why not.

Overall Rating: C+. This show wasn’t bad but it certainly wasn’t good either. It had it’s moments of comedy, but unfortunately only half of them were meant to be funny. Aces and 8’s are rapidly approaching unintentional comedy area which may be entertaining, but certainly not in the way TNA was shooting for. The world title stuff was good and nothing on the show was horrible, but it didn’t do much for making me want to see Genesis.

Results

Kenny King b. Zema Ion – Royal Flush

Robbie T/Miss Tessmacher b. Tara/Jesse Godderz – Powerbomb to Godderz

Jay Bradley b. Brian King – Boomstick

Jeff Hardy/James Storm b. Bobby Roode/Austin Aries via DQ when Aries hit Hardy with a belt

Sting b. Mike Knox – Scorpion Death Drop

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Impact Wrestling
Date: January 3, 2013
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Todd Kenely, Tazz

We open the new year with the return (yes another one) of Sting. Rather than let us be surprised by who wins, TNA has decided to throw the name out there ahead of time. The other issue is that Anderson may or may not be joining Aces and 8’s. That would help their star power but somehow make them more boring at the same time. Let’s get to it.

The opening recap kills some time.

We open with the Superstar of the Year presentation. The nominees are Ray, Storm, Aries, Roode and of course Hardy. To the shock of no one other than Aries or Roode, Hardy wins. Roode and Aries were arguing to the ring when the announcement was made and the two of them being shocked was funny stuff. Hardy says that this award means just as much as being champion, which draws Roode into the ring to yell.

When Roode was champion, NOTHING was more important to him than the title. He made history and set records when he was champion but here’s Aries to argue that HE should be the winner because he averaged over four stars per PPV match. Hardy calms things down and says he’ll defend against both of them at Genesis, which I think is the first match announced. Aries jumps him but gets in an argument with Roode over who gets to beat Hardy up. Aries tries to hit Jeff with the trophy but blasts Roode instead, bending the gold part on top. Hardy takes out Aries and leaves.

Storm is disappointed but Bad Influence comes in and makes fun of a country song to show how sad Storm is in a hilarious bit. Storm says he’ll be back and he’ll kick Daniels in his Twitter and knock Kaz’s Facebook off. Kaz: “You forgot MySpace!”

Kazarian vs. James Storm

Daniels faked Storm out to start and Kaz got in a cheap shot to really start. That’s some nice chicanery there. Storm pounds away in the ring before we head to the floor where Daniels can cheat yet again. Back in and Storm comes back with Closing Time (Codebreaker) for no cover, instead opting for a Russian Leg Sweep and a top rope elbow for two. For the third time a Daniels distraction lets Kaz take over, this time with a TKO for two. Storm hits another Codebreaker out of nowhere and after taking out Daniels, hits the Last Call to a jumping Kaz for the pin at 4:05.

Rating: C. Storm continues to be kept away from the main event but it’s nice to see him overcoming the odds for a week and getting a clean pin. Also, it’s VERY nice to see Bad Influence fighting anyone other than AJ for all of eternity. Other than that though, the match was relatively dull with Storm just doing his thing and hitting his signature moves.

Anderson is told to make a decision by Aces and 8’s and after some prodding from Doc, he finally agrees. However, D-Von’s bat is missing.

Kenny King talks to Kid Kash about some mini tournament for the shot at RVD.

Quick highlight package on Sting and Aces and 8’s.

Here’s Doc to say that Sting needs to get out here so he can cripple Sting once and for all. A ball bat falls from the ceiling and Doc FREAKS, shouting that he isn’t afraid and demanding that Sting get out here as we take a break.

Brooke has no comment on her dad.

X-Division #1 Contenders Tournament: Kid Kash vs. Christian York

Kash jumps him to start and takes it to thef loor very quickly, only to get caught by a dropkick and a kick to the head from the apron. Kash pounds away a bit but York comes back with a botched handspring into a kick for two. A running low downward spiral gets two for Christian and he counters a backslide into the Mood Swing (Eve’s swinging neckbreaker) for the pin at 3:43.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see at all here as Kash continues to just be a warm body in the division. York isn’t much better and I’m not wild on these mini tournaments, especially when the finals and the title match are at the same show (Genesis obviously), it gets a little dull. Nothing to see here though.

Hernandez and Chavo aren’t scared of Morgan and Ryan.

Hernandez vs. Matt Morgan

Morgan has a bad arm so Joey is subbing for him. Ok then.

Joey Ryan vs. Hernandez

Hernandez pounds away to start and Morgan’s arm appears to be fine. He comes in and hits a discus lariat on Hernandez for the DQ at 1:00.

Chavo gets taken down as well post match. Was there a point to this segment?

Angle thanks Brisco and Bischoff for having his back. Tonight it’s a cage match so they can hang back here. Joe yells at them for no apparent reason but Angle smooths things over.

We see the Knockouts stretching.

We recap Aries/Ray/the Hogans for the millionth time.

Here’s Hulk to apologize for being gone last week. He saw his daughter and Ray making out in the parking lot and he needed a breather. Hulk asks Brooke and Ray to come out here right now so here they are side by side and nearly arm in arm. Hulk wants an explanation right now and Ray says it was all on him. Papa Hogan GOES OFF on Ray, saying that he knew all along that Ray was a bad man. Apparently Ray broke some kind of code and he gets thrown out of the ring, just like Brooke. Ray is suspended as well. Is there a point to this coming ANYTIME soon?

Post break we recap what we just saw.

Back to OVW for more Joseph Park matches. He’s been watching a lot of tape and Danny Davis is starting to get the appeal of him. I think Park graduates.

Gail Kim/Tara vs. Mickie James/Miss Tessmacher

Tess is in all blue tonight which is a nice change of pace. She and Gail start but it’s quickly off to Tara. I do enjoy the camera closeups we get of the Knockouts unlike the Divas. Mickie comes in off a blind tag to clear the ring as Jesse consoles Tara. Back in for Tara vs. Mickie as we take a break. Back with Tessmacher getting the hot tag and cleaning house. Tara gets knocked to the floor where Jesse wipes her face, allowing Kim to deck Tessmacher from behind. Back to Kim legally for an over the shoulder back/rib breaker for two.

Gail misses a charge in the corner and falls to the floor but she still manages to block the hot tag. Tara comes in with the slingshot somersault legdrop for two and it’s off to a quick bow and arrow hold. Tessmacher slams Tara face first into the mat and we FINALLY get the hot tag to Mickie. House is cleaned and a neckbreaker on Kim gets two. Everything breaks down and Tessmacher dives on Jesse and Tara on the floor. Gail misses the same charge in the corner again and Mickie hits the MickieDT for the pin at 13:04.

Rating: D+. WAY too long here for the same four chicks we’ve seen fight for months. Is Velvet gone again, because we haven’t seen her in the ring for two weeks now. It still seems to be setting up Mickie to take the title off Tara, which makes Sky’s return worthless. Not a bad match here but there was no need for this to be over seven minutes, let alone thirteen.

Aces and 8’s say they have to stay masked.

ODB is glad Sting is back and says Young will be back soon.

We recap the announcement of the triple threat match at Genesis.

Hulk makes it a three way elimination in a segment that doesn’t need to exist. Next week it’s the two of them against Hardy and whoever Hardy can get.

Samoa Joe/Kurt Angle vs. D-Von/Masked Man

In a cage for absolutely no apparent reason. Doc slams the door on Angle as he gets in the ring, making it a handicap match to start. Joe beats on both guys in the ring as Doc keeps beating up Angle on the outside. D-Von charges into his partner in the corner so Joe can divide and conquer a bit. The numbers finally catch up to Joe and his comeback attempt is quickly stopped. Thankfully there’s no tagging in this. I can’t stand the idea of law and order in a cage match.

D-Von kicks the door into Angle’s head again as the beating continues. We take a break and come back with Joe still fighting both guys off on his own. To be fair it’s not like (presumably) Mike Knox and D-Von would be a huge challenge for a guy like Joe. Angle fights off Doc and gets the key to unlock the cage. Kurt cleans house but can’t get the mask off due to Doc making ANOTHER save. Angle is busted open now but he avoids D-Von’s headbutt. It’s time to roll some Germans on both bikers and the Angle Slam pins the masked man at 11:43.

Rating: C-. Again, why am I supposed to be surprised here? Joe and Angle are two of the biggest stars in TNA history and they’re beating up two guys with barely any singles success ever? This is supposed to be interesting? Nothing to see here for the most part and the cage is just there to try to add some drama I suppose.

Post match more bikers run in to beat down Angle and Joe as Anderson watches from the floor. Sting comes in with the bat to clean house with little fanfare. Aces and 8’s bail, but the masked man from the match is left alone. He gets triple teamed and the mask is pulled off to reveal Mike Knox, shocking ABSOLUTELY NO ONE. Gee, just what Aces and 8’s needs: ANOTHER FREAKING CAREER NOTHING. Tenay says Sting just took the power away from Aces and 8’s. Mike, go watch some CMLL or something. It’ll do you a lot of good.

Overall Rating: C. This wasn’t the worst show in the world but it certainly wasn’t all that great either. At the end of the day, this show has become almost all about drama as we wait to get to next checkpoint in the Aces and 8’s story and any kind of a point at all in Hogan vs. Ray. Hulk is looking like a jerk in this whole thing which doesn’t really do much for Ray at all. Aces and 8’s are still Aces and 8’s as well, but now with two big guys with no career accomplishments. Nothing to see here but at least we FINALLY have some stuff set for Genesis.

Results

James Storm b. Kazarian – Last Call

Christian York b. Kid Kash – Mood Swing

Hernandez b. Joey Ryan via DQ when Matt Morgan interfered

Mickie James/Miss Tessmacher b. Tara/Gail Kim – MickieDT to Kim

Kurt Angle/Samoa Joe b. D-Von/Masked Man – Angle Slam to Masked Man

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Impact Wrestling
Date: December 27, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Todd Keneley, Tazz

Hey it’s Open Fight Night, BECAUSE WE JUST HAD A FREAKING GIMMICK SHOW LAST WEEK! Pay no attention to the fact that these shows never accomplish anything and the ratings keep going down, because clearly these stupid gimmicks are the only thing holding them up as high as they go. The show will likely be fine but man alive I don’t care about this Open Fight thing. Let’s get to it.

After the usual opening recap, here’s Bully Ray with something to say. He realizes he and Hogan can’t get along because Hogan won’t trust him. Tonight, he’s calling Hulk out for a talk rather than a fight. The music plays but there’s no Hulk. Instead we get Brooke who says Hulk isn’t here. We get the melodramatic promo from Brooke about how someone had a camera or something because Hulk knows. DOES NO ONE WATCH THEIR OWN TV SHOWS ANYMORE??? Ray denies anything exists and leaves with Brooke trying to talk sense into him.

Here’s Aries who doesn’t care what the fans think of him. He’ll win the title back soon but tonight, he’s going to be in the main event against Roode for costing him the title last week.

Samoa Joe calls out the hammer guy from Aces and 8’s and promises to take his mask.

Samoa Joe vs. Masked Man

Joe pounds away to start but gets beaten down in the corner. The masked guy (I believe Mike Knox) hits the running crotch attack in 619 position but misses a charge in the corner. Joe tries the MuscleBuster but gets kicked away. There’s the Clutch instead and the masked guy is out at 2:56.

Joe goes for the mask but the rest of the bikers come in for the save. Of course they do.

Robbie E and Jesse have a Dude/Bro off. I’m strangely intrigued by this. The challenge is for a Bro Off later rather than a match of course.

Kenny King tells Christian York to watch tonight and maybe he’ll get an X Title match.

It’s time for the Bro Off, which has three rules: every bro for himself, you have to end everything in bro….and the third rule isn’t listed. Apparently this is a dance off. Scratch that as Robbie dances and Jesse poses. Jesse presses Tara over his head but apparently it’s Bros and not Hoes, so Robbie wins by DQ. Robbie T says that’s not it because he’s in this too. He poses as well before pressing Robbie E over his head. T also fist pumps, backflips, does one handed pushups and humps the mat. The look on E and Jesse’s faces are HILARIOUS. T wins apparently.

Van Dam, looking higher than I’ve ever seen him, calls out Christian York instead of Kenny King.

Christian York vs. Rob Van Dam

Feeling out process to start with both guys missing some strikes. York hits a half nelson suplex to take over and a kick to Van Dam’s back to follow up. A rana sends Van Dam to the outside and a missile dropkick back inside for no cover. The Mood Swing (Eve’s rolling neckbreaker) gets two as does a kick out of the corner from York. York hits a top rope double stomp to the back for two but misses a charge in the corner. Van Dam hits a split legged moonsault for two and Rolling Thunder for no cover. Five Star gets the pin at 4:03.

Rating: C. Nice spot fest here but literally that’s it. There was nothing between these moves which gets really annoying really fast. York is a guy who they’re at least making look competent, which is all you can ask for with a new guy like him. Also at least there’s something to look at, unlike the other Gut Check people who never show up again.

D-Von talks about getting someone new to join the club. Doc is with some girls and approves of the plan.

We get a package on Joseph Park in OVW. Park: “I’m setting the bar for training.” Danny Davis: “He’s dumber than a box of rocks.” We get the clip of Park morphing into Abyss which was the potential that Davis was looking for.

Bad Influence goes to make sure they don’t have any merchandise on sale. They have a post-Christmas present for everyone.

Remember to vote for Superstar of the Year.

Roode says he’s winning tonight and getting the title back at Genesis.

Sting is still going to be back on 1-3-13.

Daniels dances out to the ring and says greetings and salutations to all you ham sandwiches. He’s the reason AJ hasn’t been around anymore so why not do it one more time? He calls out AJ and naturally it’s Kaz in the AJ gear. Kaz cuts a promo in a GREAT AJ impersonation and says how great Daniels is. Kaz: “I’m not going to wrestle you. I’m going to go find Clair Lynch and….” Daniels: “NO! NOBODY WANTS THAT!”

The tag champions come out and challenge Bad Influence for right now.

Hernandez/Chavo Guerrero vs. Bad Influence

Fast paced start with Daniels getting thrown around by Chavo. Off to Hernandez for a bearhug into a belly to belly overhead suplex. The champions pound away on Daniels before slamming Kaz onto Daniels for no cover. Daniels begs away from Hernandez and we take a break. Back with Hernandez doing his delayed vertical suplex on Daniels. I’m not sure if any time has actually passed since we left. Things break down and Daniels takes over on SuperMex.

The non-champions hit back to back slingshot strikes on Hernandez to take over. The match drags on and gets very boring in a hurry with the heels in control. After about 8 hours, the lukewarm tag brings in Chavo who hits Three Amigos on Kaz. Bad Influence hits a Hart Attack for two but Hernandez sends them to the floor. The champs hit a double dive to the floor before throwing Kaz back in for the Frog Splash and the pin at 14:30.

Rating: C. The match was fine but OH MY GOODNESS Chavo and Hernandez are boring. You have Bad Influence getting some of the funniest lines in this company in years and they get to job time after time to this generic Latino tag team. Seriously, that’s the ONLY thing about the champs that sets them apart from any two other guys. They’re the champions and they’re going to have them for a long time, because there is no tag division in TNA.

Hardy has little to say.

Video on Aces and 8’s attacking people with the hammer.

We see the guy that Aces and 8’s wants to join….and it’s Mr. Anderson. He’s offered women to help them out and apparently they’re good enough to sway him into considering it.

Gail Kim vs. Miss Tessmacher

You know, for those people who wanted this feud to be picked up again. Tessmacher takes over to start and does the Stinkface thing in the corner. Gail gets knocked to the floor but takes over back inside. Kim loads up a super rana but Tessmacher blocks it, sending Gail down onto her head. FREAKING OW MAN! A dragon sleeper in the corner doesn’t do much for Tessmacher so Gail takes over again. The sloppiness continues but Tessmacher can’t hit that Tesshocker thing of hers. A top rope elbow misses Gail and Eat Defeat ends this at 5:24.

Rating: D. I can’t stand the Knockouts anymore and these two sucking the charisma out of things that don’t even have charisma in the first place are a good reason for that. Nothing to see here at all and I barely have enough to say to fill in the four lines of space that I try to have for each rating.

Next week it’s Aces and 8’s vs. Angle/Joe in a cage. Sure why not.

Bobby Roode vs. Austin Aries

Feeling out process to start until Aries sends Roode to the floor. He loads up the suicide dive but stops cold when Roode is waiting on him. We take a break (complete with a Hardy voiceover) and come back to see them hammering on each other before Aries is sat on top. They ring each others’ ears and trade pokes to the eyes. Aries knocks Roode down and tries what looks like an elbow, only to roll through when Roode moves.

Bobby loads up a spear but gets caught in the Last Chancery. Roode pokes the eyes to escape and puts on the Crossface which I guess is his secondary finisher. Aries goes to the eyes as well to escape, showing some nice storytelling here. Roode begs off in the corner but trips Aries up for two with his feet on the ropes.

Aries tries a rollup with trunks for two of his own but walks into the spinebuster for two. Hebner disarms Roode of the chair he picked up, allowing Aries to hit a discus elbow for two. Now Austin brings in the chair but Henber will still have none of it. Hebner goes off on both guys so they both deck him and toss him to the floor, throwing the match out at about 13:00.

Rating: B-. I had a great time with this and I’m glad neither guy won. There was no reason to have one guy go over the other and the stereo cheating was a great touch. It’s clear they’re setting up a threeway and that’s probably the right move to go with until we set up Aries vs. Hardy whatever at Lockdown. Good stuff here.

Post match they both go for the chair but Hardy runs out and takes both guys out to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. The first hour was pretty good but after that this show fell off a cliff. I’m not sure what it was but I think the tag match had something to do with it. The problem with TNA is when something is bad, it’s REALLY bad and that’s what happened here. We’re two weeks away from Genesis and as usual, we have NOTHING scheduled yet. The three way is pretty obvious, but other than that the card could go in a lot of directions. By this point though, we should have hit some stops as we head in a direction.

Results

Samoa Joe b. Masked Man – Koquina Clutch

Rob Van Dam b. Christian York – Five Star Frog Splash

Chavo Guerrero/Hernandez b. Bad Influence – Frog Splash to Kazarian

Gail Kim b. Miss Tessmacher – Eat Defeat

Austin Aries vs. Bobby Roode went to a no contest

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Impact Wrestling
Date: December 20, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Todd Keneley, Mike Tenay, Taz

It’s Championship Thursday, meaning we’ve got three title matches in a single night. The Knockouts Title, the TV Title and the World Title are all on the line tonight, because this monthly show is on par with a $40 PPV they just had. Other than that we’re likely to get more of the Hogans arguing over Bully Ray because that’s the focus of Impact anymore. WWE turned it up this week so TNA needs to follow suit. Let’s get to it.

We open with the standard recap of last week’s show. The hosts talk about the show tonight also.

TV Title: Kurt Angle vs. D-Von

D-Von is defending and Angle has a bad ankle due to an attack last week/a legit groin injury. Angle brings out his own guys to counter Aces and 8’s in the form of Garrett, Wes and Joe. Angle gets behind D-Von to start but can’t snap off the suplex. Instead it’s a clothesline to take the champion down as Angle can’t move very well right now. D-Von is sent to the floor and the backup guys get in a big brawl while Angle waits on him to come back. All of the guys on the floor are ejected, but in the melee D-Von chop blocks Angle.

We take a break and come back with D-Von holding a basic leg lock on Angle but Kurt grabs the rope. D-Von cannonballs down on the leg ala Flair for two. That’s not old school enough for him though as it’s a Funk spinning toe hold now. Another chop block keeps Angle in trouble as Todd talks about the power struggle. What power? Aces and 8’s have the lowest title on the roster and that’s it.

Angle hits a middle rope missile dropkick to put both guys down, followed by some clotheslines. The overhead belly to belly gets two but D-Von escapes the Angle Slam and hits a really lame spinebuster for two. Angle starts rolling Germans and puts on the ankle lock, but here are Aces and 8’s again. Kurt’s three guys come out to counter them and in the distraction, the big masked man hits Angle in the back with a pipe so D-Von can retain the title at 11:08.

Rating: D+. Angle was hobbled here and that left D-Von to carry the match. That doesn’t make for an entertaining match as D-Von just isn’t good enough to hang with Kurt, even if he’s injured. On top of that, this still does nothing for Aces and 8’s. At the end of the day, it’s still D-Von. That doesn’t make anyone care at all.

Time for the Knockouts deliberation which is an excuse to have Brooke on TV more. ODB is thrown out because she has an injured husband.

Kenny King says he won last week and that’s all that matters. They’ll make good partners tonight though.

Joey Ryan/Matt Morgan vs. Rob Van Dam/Kenny King

Does Morgan plan to do anything with that robe or is it just there for now? Van Dam and Joey start things off with the champion (Van Dam) kicking Joey down. The standing moonsault gets two and it’s off to King. Morgan comes in and kicks King’s head off before it’s back to Ryan for his non-existent offense. Matt smacks King in the back of the head before it’s back to Ryan. King sunset flips him out of the corner and there’s the hot tag to RVD. King and Van Dam dropkick Morgan down and kick Ryan as well, but Kenny bails when confronted by Morgan. Matt kicks Rob’s head off to give Ryan the pin at 4:55.

Rating: C-. Not terrible here for the most part, but Ryan would be the outlier. He’s so useless and is only there for the occasional sight gag on a commercial. He’s another indy guy that has done nothing of note once he’s gotten to the main stage. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence that he owned the only company he did well in too.

We recap AJ’s speech last week.

Kazarian doesn’t care about AJ but likes that we’re five days from Christmas. He has a surprise for the fans.

Here’s Hulk for his weekly chat. He can’t believe how awesome this company is anymore and talks about how there’s going to be voting for the Impact Wrestler of the Year with Jeff Hardy being announced on January 3. Oh wait I mean the winner, which only could be Jeff Hardy. It’s not like he’s going to destroy everyone else in voting or anything. Anyway here’s Aces and 8’s to protest. D-Von says that this was Aces and 8’s year and says that next year will be as well. The bikers start to get in the ring but Bully Ray runs out for the save with his chain. D-Von says Ray is next. Hogan still won’t shake Ray’s hand.

Hardy is ready for Aries. Thankfully he says this instead of thinking it.

Tessmacher gets eliminated in another stupid Knockouts segment.

Here’s Kaz with some presents for Daniels. There’s a Christmas Tree in the ring with a picture of Daniels and Kaz on top. “That tree has TWO stars on it!” Daniels is brought out with an appletini and a scarf to sit on a throne. Kaz brings out Santa who is rather slim here. They give Santa some Zumbz pants in a funny bit. Santa asks Daniels if he’s been a good boy this year. Daniels says he got rid of the biggest loser in TNA and wants to use his Christmas wish on Styles’ kids, because their dad is so worthless.

Cue Storm who says he doesn’t like hearing these guys run down Christmas. Kaz says put him on the naughty list, which draws Daniels into the ring. Santa says hold it and Storm doesn’t think he’s the real Kris Kringle. If he’s the real Santa, why didn’t Storm get a real Red Ryder BB gun when he was six. Santa: “I’m the real Santa.” Storm: “Shut up.” Storm wants to know what he asked for last Christmas and Santa comes up with a Travis Tritt CD. Actually he wanted a case of beer, so here’s a superkick for Santa. Storm throws DVDs to the fans.

Aries asks if you could hear it. Apparently no one can hear his thoughts, but tonight he’ll prove he’s the best in the universe.

1-3-13 is Sting. Ok then.

Aces and 8’s gets yelled at by their boss for letting Bully Ray keep Hogan from getting his beating. D-Von says he has someone that can fix this and says they can be here next week. A vote says ok do it.

Mickie gets the shot.

Knockouts Title: Mickie James vs. Tara

Mickie grabs a bunch of quick rollups for two each but Jesse trips her up to give Tara control. A hair beal gets two and Tara pounds away a bit. She pulls on Mickie’s face and whips her into the corner with authority. Whose authority that is I’m not sure but she certainly had it. The spinning side slam is countered into a headscissors but the referee is with Jesse. A powerslam gets two for the champion but Mickie slams her down to get a breather.

They slug it out from their knees and Mickie hits a sloppy jumping DDT for two. Jesse and Tara try to leave, so Mickie dives on Jesse off the top. Jesse interferes AGAIN, allowing Tara to hit something like an atomic drop which bends Mickie’s knee back for the pin to retain at 7:00. Oh ok it was a facebuster.

Rating: D+. This started ok and then fell apart at the end. I had a hard time keeping up with what was going on in the ring, and in a match this simple that should never be the case. Nothing to see here as this match literally happened less than two weeks ago. Why would I want to see it again?

Joseph Park is still training in OVW and he’s still really bad at it. Joseph: “THAT HURT!” Danny Davis: “Do you know why that hurt? BECAUSE YOU’RE STUPID!” He sees blood coming out of his mouth though and turns into Abyss, killing his training partner with a Black Hole Slam.

TNA World Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Austin Aries

Hardy is defending. Feeling out process to start with Jeff taking it into the corner. Aries slams him down but the slingshot hilo hits knees. Jeff pounds away in the corner and the challenger chills on the floor. Back in and Aries hits a running elbow to the face for two but Aries’ brainbuster is blocked. We head back to the floor where Hardy misses a dive into the barricade.

We take a break and come back with Aries getting two off a slingshot hilo. Aries pounds away for a bit more until Hardy gets a boot up. The champ dives into a boot though and we’re right back where we started. A front suplex puts Austin down but Aries comes back with a forearm and a running dropkick in the corner for two. The brainbuster is escaped again so Hardy hits a backwards facebuster out of a powerbomb for two. In other words imagine a powerbomb lift but Hardy keeps rotating Aries backwards so that his face slams into the mat.

Hardy hits the Twisting Stunner but can’t cover fast enough. Aries gets an elbow up in the corner and tells the referee he sucks. He jumps into an atomic drop but manages to kick Jeff into the referee. A low blow stops Hardy and Aries FINALLY hits the brainbuster. In a cool ending, Aries covers Hardy but Roode pulls the referee out. Bobby counts two and as Aries turns around, he gets a big spinebuster from Roode. The Twist of Fate sets up the Swanton to retain at 18:05.

Rating: B-. These two have chemistry together and it sets up the three way match even more, or at least Roode vs. Aries. It would seem like Roode is turning, but I think he’s going to be much more of a tweener than an actual face, which is the right move for him. Good match here and a nice ending to a bad show.

Hogan says he’s going to fix the title picture and says Aces and 8’s is the real distraction. He says not to worry about Brooke and Bully, but sees the two of them kissing to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This show didn’t really do much for me. These Championship Thursday shows are never anything of note because NOTHING EVER CHANGES. It’s just a title match but when you never see a title CHANGE, it doesn’t mean anything anymore. It’s pretty clear we’re headed for a three way at Genesis, which is ok but it doesn’t really do much for me. The idea of someone new in Aces and 8’s next week might help a bit, but it needs to be someone who is actually able to challenge the big names. As usual, nothing has changed as of ten PM on a Thursday night, which is getting old.

Results

D-Von b. Kurt Angle – Pin after a masked man hit Angle with a pipe

Joey Ryan/Matt Morgan b. Kenny King/Rob Van Dam – Carbon Footprint to Van Dam

Tara b. Mickie James – Facebuster

Jeff Hardy b. Austin Aries – Swanton Bomb

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Impact Wrestling
Date: December 13, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz, Todd Keneley

It’s after Final Resolution now and we’re heading towards Genesis in January. After one of the least interesting PPVs I can remember in years on Sunday, hopefully things pick up a bit this week. If my math is correct, we’re probably coming up on another gimmick show in a few weeks because where would we be without those? Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the major plot points from Sunday.

Here’s Bobby Roode to open the show and he’s ticked off. He says that he made a business investment with Aces and 8’s but he got ripped off. Roode wants answers and he wants them NOW. Here are the bikers and D-Von says they were offered a better deal. Roode demands to know who outbid him and it’s…..not going to be revealed right now. D-Von says you might find out later tonight.

Cue Hardy and Storm who want to fight right now. They storm (no pun intended) the ring and clear out the unmasked bikers and for some reason, the armed bikers who have a numbers advantage bail.

Velvet talks about being in Championship Thursday next week.

Mickie is upset about losing last week.

Madison Rayne vs. Velvet Sky

We’ve got Madison in the always hot blue camo and Velvet in a black catsuit. I’m happy. Velvet takes over to start and hits some kicks to the back as we hear about Aces and 8’s vs. Storm/Hardy in the main event tonight. Great, ANOTHER match the bikers get to lose. Madison comes back with a shot to the chest and stands on Velvet’s hair a bit. There’s that pelvic thrust thing that Madison does which I think is supposed to be sexy in some way. Velvet makes a comeback and hits an X Factor for the pin at 3:12.

Rating: D+. The only thing keeping this from being a failure is how good the girls look. This was as dull as almost any match I can remember in months, with absolutely nothing standing out at all. I get that Velvet is back and all, but it’s not like she’s some kind of savior or anything like that.

Garrett, Wes and Kurt do a 5 Hour Energy commercial.

Kaz and Daniels brag a bit.

We recap the eight man tag from Sunday, which much like everything else on Sunday, was nothing.

Robbie E/Robbie T vs. Wes Brisco/Garrett Bischoff

Angle is with the small guys. The Robs attack from behind to start and T starts with Wes. Big Rob pounds away and works over Wes’ back before it’s off to E. Hot tag brings in Garrett and the fans just dno’t care. House is cleaned and everything breaks down. A jawbreaker staggers T and Wes hits a top rope cross body for the pin at 3:30.

Rating: D. I do not care about Brisco and Bischoff and that’s all there is to it. They’re just not interesting in the ring or on the mic or in any way whatsoever. They have jobs because of who their fathers are and that’s not something that interests me in the slightest. If TNA thinks we’re going to care about them if/when they join Aces and 8’s, TNA is crazier than I thought.

Post match a member of Aces and 8’s hits Kurt in the knee with a pipe, injuring him before his match next week against D-Von.

Angle’s knee is messed up in the back. Word on the street (as in Angle’s Twitter) is that Kurt has a groin injury so I guess this is their out.

Joseph Park (driving a Beetle) goes to OVW to train. He meets Danny Davis, the OVW owner, and says he’ll start training right now. Park runs laps around the ring and does situps while Davis yells at him. He also vomits in a trashcan. More on this later I’m assuming.

Tara and Jesse come in to annoy Brooke. Apparently it’s Jesse vs. Ray tonight and Brooke has very little to say. She’s another person I can’t stand for the most part.

1-3-13 video again.

Kenny King is ready for RVD again tonight.

James Storm/Jeff Hardy vs. Aces and 8’s

It’s Doc and the big guy, which is Mike Knox. Storm and Doc start things off with James pounding away before bringing in Hardy. Hardy gets to pound on the big guy now, which is rather pitiful looking given how bad Jeff’s punches are. He knocks both guys to the floor and hits a dive as we take a break. Back with Hardy kicking Doc in the face but getting clotheslined by the big guy.

The bikers pound away on Jeff on the floor before taking turns unleashing their wide variety of punches and kicks. The big guy literally just lays on Jeff as this is already dull. The beating goes on for a good while with Doc using a long chinlock. Jeff fights up but can’t escape, resulting in him being sent out to the floor. Off to another chinlock which Hardy finally escapes and hits the Whisper in the Wind. Not that it leads to the hot tag or anything but at least was something different.

Hardy hits the mule kick and FINALLY brings in Storm. House is cleaned and a top rope cross body gets two on the big guy. Poetry in Motion hits the masked guy and the other bikers come in. D-Von drops the bat….and it doesn’t matter as Last Call takes out Doc and the Twist pins the masked guy at 14:42.

Rating: D+. FREAKING DO SOMETHING WITH ACES AND 8’S ALREADY!!!!! They had like six guys on two here and they STILL couldn’t win? The match was fine with Hardy selling like a master like only he could, but Aces and 8’s are just such a waste of space anymore. At the end of the day, Aces and 8’s can’t win when they have this big of an advantage. So why should I ever be intimidated by them?

D-Von reveals that it was Aries that paid them more money on Sunday. Not that Hardy and Storm were the ones asking but whatever.

Roode erupts on Hogan in the back about Aries when Aries calls Hulk. Hogan says get here soon and tells Roode to calm down.

We recap Daniels vs. AJ on Sunday with AJ finally losing to Daniels clean.

Here’s AJ to address what happened on Sunday. He’s upset about losing, so the fans tell him that he’s still got it. AJ says he’s not going anywhere but he’s tired of looking after everyone else all the time. It’s time to look after AJ Styles and it has nothing to do with the Impact Zone, Dixie Carter or Impact Wrestling. He’s tired of cleaning up every corporate mess and always doing the right thing. From now on, he’s going to do his own thing. Ok then. This didn’t come off like a heel turn.

Dixie gets AJ’s shirt thrown in her face.

Daniels and Kaz celebrate and Kaz has a surprise for Daniels.

Kenny King vs. Rob Van Dam

This is the non-title version of a match that wasn’t good when the title was on the line. They trade kicks and armdrags to start until RVD gets in a kick to take over. Kenny kicks a lackadaisical RVD to the floor and hits a corkscrew dive for two. Back in and King hits a floatover suplex and right hands as he’s playing the heel in the match. Kenny hits a kind of splash in the corner but a second attempt hits a kick from Van Dam.

A top rope legdrop hits King for two but he comes back with a springboard Blockbuster (kind of at least) for two. Van Dam avoids a charge in the corner but misses a split legged moonsault. The northern lights suplex gets two for Rob and he takes Kenny’s head off with a stepover kick. Van Dam goes up for a cross body but King rolls through and puts his feet on the ropes for the pin at 5:45.

Rating: C. This was easily the best match of the night so far and WAY better than the match on Sunday. King turning heel is a good fit for him as he has a lot of Shelton Benjamin in him: insanely athletic but needing a bit more of an attitude. Good stuff here and it’s a decent feud for RVD at least.

Bully Ray comes in to see Hogan and wants to know where Hogan stands on things. Hogan is all ticked off and wants to know why Ray is making his personal stuff Hogan’s business. He blames Bully for Brooke being in danger and says he hasn’t changed his stance on Ray at all. Ray GOES NUTS, and suggests he has nothing to do with Brooke and that it’s a one way street.

He says that Brooke was apologizing for Hulk, which Hogan somehow twists into Brooke and Ray should never be around each other again. Ray goes on a big rant about how he should be on Team Hogan (egads there’s a freaking Team Hogan now?) after everything he’s been through and Hulk needs to realize his daughter is a grown woman. Ray leaves and Hogan calls him weak. Good grief they have an interesting story like this and it’s all about Brooke Hogan. Is ANYBODY surprised by that?

Bully Ray vs. Jesse Godderz

Ray chases Jesse and Tara out of the ring and pounds on Jesse to start. This turns into a total squash with Ray just destroying Jesse and no selling any offense from him. Ray hits a chop in the corner that actually makes me cringe. The fans get another chop that they demand and Tara comes in. Thankfully it’s not a DQ as she only gets spanked once and leaves. Jesse jumps Bully from behind and takes over with some forearms. Godderz pounds away but Ray comes back with a single chop. Jesse actually clotheslines Ray down but Bully shrugs it all off and wins with the Bubba Cutter at 6:00.

Rating: C-. This was way better than I was expecting and the chops alone make the match worth seeing. Ray is getting more and more awesome every week, but unfortunately this is all being wasted on Brooke freaking Hogan, because being Hulk Hogan’s daughter isn’t enough publicity for her or something like that. Hopefully Ray can actually win an important match soon.

Aries gets here.

1-3-13 video again.

We recap the ending of the PPV and the announcement of Aries as the guy who gave the bigger offer to the bikers. Aries talks about how he was in the war with Aces and 8’s but he never got paid for helping against them or anything like that. He wants the title back, so here’s Hardy. Hardy says all Aries had to do was ask but Aries says he has to jump through hoops to get his match. Jeff offers Aries a title shot right here next week in the Impact Zone. Aries says he’ll do it on his time. Oh good grief. Hardy punches him and they fight with Hardy hitting the Twist. The show goes off the air at 9:58. Ok then.

Overall Rating: D+. The last forty five minutes weren’t horrible but the rest of the show was some pretty dull stuff. Ray continues to be awesome, but man alive the Brooke Hogan, Garrett Bischoff and Wes Brisco stuff drags down almost anything good they’ve got going on. Aries, Roode and Hardy isn’t bad, but it needs something more than these guys guys just going back and forth like they’re doing.

Results

Velvet Sky b. Madison Rayne – X Factor

Wes Brisco/Garrett Bischoff b. Robbie E/Robbie T – Top rope cross body to Robbie T

Jeff Hardy/James Storm b. Aces and 8’s – Twist of Fate to Masked Man

Bully Ray b. Jesse Godderz – Bubba Cutter

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Final Resolution 2012
Date: December 9, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz, Todd Keneley

This is one of those shows that is happening because it’s a Sunday in a month and therefore we need to have a PPV. The card was nearly half put together on Thursday, so how much effort do you think the company is actually putting into this show? The main event is Hardy defending against Roode, who likely has about as much of a chance as I do. The card should be decent though. Let’s get to it.

Usual highlight package opens the show.

Here’s James Storm who isn’t scheduled on the show, because he means nothing in this company anymore. He talks about not being scheduled here tonight but he’s here to make sure Roode doesn’t try to steal the title like he tried to do on Thursday. Storm calls out Roode….and gets Kaz instead. Kaz says that he’s been here for years and is tired of hearing a drunk like Storm whine. This goes on for awhile, gay jokes are made, and there’s the challenge for the obvious match. You wouldn’t think we were ten minutes into the show yet would you?

Kazarian vs. James Storm

We get a referee and it’s time to go. Storm pounds away on him to start as he is known to do. Kaz comes back with a shot to the head and a head vice of all things. Storm gets thrown to the floor as Kaz pounds away even more. Back in and Kaz hits his spinning springboard legdrop for two followed by a cravate.

Storm fights back and hits a forearm for two before walking into a slingshot DDT for two. Kaz comes out of the corner and gets caught in an Alabama Slam followed by a Codebreaker. The Last Call is loaded up but Kaz hides behind the referee. Fade to Black (Kaz’s piledriver) is escaped and the Last Call ends this at 6:08.

Rating: D+. The match was short and nothing more than an Impact match. Storm has fallen through the floor in the last eight months, which says a lot when you consider how big a match he had at BFG. Also for those of you counting, half of this card has now been made in the last 72 hours. Again, they clearly don’t care about this show at all.

We recap Hardy’s attack on Impact and see Roode and Hardy arriving earlier.

X-Division Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Kenny King

Van Dam is defending after King won a title shot on Impact in a three way. The champ puts on a headlock to start and they flip around a bit. The announcers talk about Van Dam’s title history and both guys kick each other. King kicks him to the floor but Van Dam comes back in and kicks King’s legs out a few times. Van Dam goes up top and gets shoved into the barricade, injuring his ribs. That’s a common theme in Van Dam matches over the years. Back in and King hooks an abdominal stretch which Van Dam breaks via yet another kick.

They kick it out even more and my goodness I don’t care about this match or this show. Rob gets crotched on the top rope and a backbreaker puts Van Dam down. Two knees to King’s face take him down, as does a clothesline. The Monkey Flip sets up Rolling Thunder which sets up the top rope kick which sets up the Five Star….which misses. King’s Royal Flush is countered into a rollup for the pin to retain at 9:20.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t terrible but man alive these matches being added together out of nowhere are REALLY hard to care about. The X-Division means nothing at all anymore as Van Dam’s matches are just thrown onto the card to fill in spots anymore. King appears to have screwed up his career by jumping, because he means nothing in TNA either.

We’re thirty minutes into the show so far and I don’t remember being less interested in a PPV in years.

Daniels talks about his history with AJ, which goes on for a few minutes because these two are welded at the hip.

Tag Titles: Chavo Guerrer/Hernandez vs. Matt Morgan/Joey Ryan

Chavo and Hernandez are defending. This is another of those title matches that means absolutely nothing. Morgan has Hogan’s cape still, but I’m not even sure they’re actually feuding anymore. They haven’t talked in weeks. Anyway Chavo and Ryan start things off and it’s what you would expect: Chavo wrestles, Ryan runs a lot, Chavo takes over. Hernandez comes in with a bearhug on Ryan before throwing him over in a belly to belly.

Back to Chavo to face Morgan and the champion is thrown around. Off to Hernandez for the big power showdown. Matt shoves him around a lot and the discus lariat puts Hernandez down. Back to Ryan who is immediately caught in a delayed vertical suplex for two. Hernandez beats up Joey for a bit until it’s back to Chavo, who is dropped on the buckle by the illegal Morgan. Morgan is now legal and drops Chavo with a backbreaker followed by a neck crank from Ryan.

Chavo plays Ricky Morton for awhile until sending Ryan face first into the buckle. Hot tag brings in Hernandez who is suplexed down by Morgan for two. A backbreaker puts Ryan down and a missile dropkick/clothesline combination puts Morgan on the floor. Ryan gets speared down and the Frog Splash hits…..but Morgan pulls the referee out for the DQ at 10:27. Freaking LAME!

Rating: D. The ending drops this down from getting the benefit of the doubt. I mean good grief why is Matt Morgan being used in something like this? Ryan has been WORTHLESS since he showed up and the tag champions are almost at WWE levels of importance with their belts. That says quite a bit and this show is terrible so far.

Austin Aries says he’s going to stir things up around here even more and he imitates Hogan to further a feud…I guess.

We recap Aries vs. Ray which is all about Hogan, of course. Ray seems to be involved with Brooke Hogan and Hulk isn’t happy. Aries pushed buttons and we get a match as a result.

Bully Ray vs. Austin Aries

Aries hides a lot to start and then slaps Ray in the face. He earns a gutwrench suplex for his efforts, followed by a big backdrop. Ray grabs him by the throat but gets caught in the face by an elbow. Austin pounds away even more, hitting a forearm to the head and a slingshot hilo to the back of Ray. Aries does more of the Hogan imitation, complete with the big boot and legdrop for two.

Ray comes back with hard chops to the chest and a splash for two. Aries charges into some Snake Eyes in the corner, but he manages to break up the backsplash. Ray punches him down AND HITS A MIDDLE ROPE DROPKICK to kill Aries dead. Naturally there’s no cover and Ray charges into a low bridge to send him out to the floor. The suicide dive is countered by a big boot to the face for two for Ray. Aries comes back with a crucifix into a mat slam followed by the running dropkick in the corner.

Aries loads up the Brainbuster but Ray throws him into the air for a one man 3D. However since this is TNA, it only gets two. Ray goes for a table and gets kicked in the face for his efforts, busting him open a bit. Aries pounds away at the cut….and here’s Brooke Hogan of course. She checks on the cut and is dragged into the ring, but the distraction of Aries lets Ray throw him to the floor. Now here’s Hulk to glare some, but Ray tells him to get Brooke out of here. The Hogans leave and Aries hits Ray low and gets the pin off a rollup at 12:56.

Rating: B-. The match was good, but since it’s involved with the Hogans we need it to be overbooked right? Does anyone have any idea why Aries is even going after Hulk in the first place? He’s already said it was to get his world title back, so is he just trying to be a troll at this point? Anyway the match was solid stuff as Ray continues to be awesome and continues to lose as a reward.

We recap the Knockouts Title match by talking about Velvet Sky. You know, the chick that isn’t in the title match. Mickie won some battle royal to get the shot at Tara here.

Tara and Jesse don’t have much to say.

Knockouts Title: Mickie James vs. Tara

They fight over wrist/arm control to start as the announcers talk about Tara being in her city’s athletics hall of fame. This turns into a discussion of USC football as Tara wants to kiss Jesse a bit. Mickie gets a rollup and northern lights for a pair of two counts and there’s the rana to put Tara down again. Tara gets sent into Jesse but the distraction lets Tara get in a kick to the face to take over.

Back in and Tara hooks Mickie in an over the shoulder hair pull. Why she doesn’t just hit the Widow’s Peak from there is anyone’s guess. Mickie gets a rollup for two but Jesse has the referee’s attention. The spinning sidewalk slam gets two for Tara and it’s off to a body vice for the champ. Mickie makes her comeback with a lot of kicks (a running theme tonight) and gets two off an enziguri. Tara is thrown onto Jesse again, so Mickie hits a Thesz Press off the top to the floor to take Tara out again. Jesse gets kicked in the face, but the distraction lets Tara hit the Widow’s Peak to retain at 7:51.

Rating: C-. Not bad here but again, we need new blood in the division. Not blood that hasn’t been around for awhile, but new blood in general. Jesse was the focus of this match which isn’t a good thing, but Mickie vs. Tara is such a played pairing that you can only care about it so much after this many matches.

Roode says he’ll do whatever it takes to get the title back and that money talks. Usually solid stuff here.

We recap Aces and 8’s being all evil and breaking bones with the hammer. This is another thrown together match from Impact.

Kurt Angle/Samoa Joe/Garrett Bischoff/Wes Brisco vs. Aces and 8’s

It’s D-Von/Doc/two masked dudes. One masked guy is big and the other is small so we’ll call the big one Porkchop and the small one Roger for simplicity’s sake. Joe wants D-Von immediately but the bikers run away. Instead it’s D-Von vs. Kurt to start and guess who controls that one. D-Von gets beaten up but runs away when Joe comes in. Instead it’s Joe pounding on Doc in the corner and hitting the enziguri for no cover.

Garrett comes in and is immediately pounded down like he should be. Off to Porkchop who gets to sell Garrett’s horrible offense. Wes comes in and the small guys hit Poetry in Motion on Porkchop. Off to Roger who gets his arm worked over by various TNA guys. The bikers triple team Joe, pulling him to the floor and sending him into the barricade ribs first. Now D-Von will actually get in the match for some basic punches before it’s back to Doc for a suplex.

We hit the chinlock for awhile until it’s back to D-Von for more punches. Here’s Porkchop again to stay on Joe in the corner. Joe Rock Bottoms both masked guys out of the corner and there’s the hot tag to Angle. Kurt cleans house and hits the release belly to belly on Roger as everything breaks down. Everything breaks down and Doc chokeslams Angle. Various people hit various big moves on each other, including Joe hitting the suicide elbow on D-Von. There’s the ankle lock to Roger but Doc gets the hammer. Garrett takes it from him and Wes spears Porkchop to the floor. Angle Slam pins Roger at 11:12.

Rating: D+. Here’s the thing: did Kurt actually need partners here? Would anyone have really been surprised if he could beat all four Aces and 8’s at the same time? That’s the problem with Aces and 8’s: they have D-Von and Luke Gallows as their names right now. Why should I buy them as a threat? Nothing to see here, just like always with these guys anymore.

NOTHING POST MATCH??? SERIOUSLY??? Yep, that’s what kind of show we’ve got here.

AJ says that a win over Daniels would make up for his bad year.

We recap Daniels vs. Styles. The line of “this has been going on since 2003, 2004 or 2005” sums up the entire feud: they’ve been feuding so long that no one knows when it started.

Christopher Daniels vs. AJ Styles

This is billed as the last time so there MUST be a winner. Feeling out process and they fight over arm control to the mat. The feeling out continues for like four minutes as there’s NOTHING interesting going on here. AJ clotheslines him down to finally pick up the pace a bit and there’s the perfect dropkick. The bridging Indian Deathlock from AJ keeps Daniels in trouble as this is going nowhere so far.

Styles hits a snap suplex on the apron so Daniels comes back with a Rock Bottom onto the opposite apron. Daniels sends him into the steps a few times, including a powerslam/suplex hybrid down onto the steel. More back work follows as I try desperately to stay awake. Not that the match is bad but this show has been so freaking boring so far that it’s draining me. Daniels hits a moonsault and hooks a crossface minus the arm trap to torture AJ a bit more.

Off to a half nelson which isn’t really staying on the back so the match loses points for bad psychology. AJ fights up and they collide with AJ’s eye being busted open hardway. Daniels hits a release Rock Bottom but the BME misses, allowing AJ to hit the springboard forearm. AJ loads up the Clash but Daniels naturally escapes. A headscissors puts Christopher down but he comes bak with a sitout spinebuster for two.

A flipping slam out of the corner gets two for Daniels and he’s getting ticked off. AJ comes back with the moonsault into the reverse DDT for two and both guys are down. They head to the corner for a Daniels superplex for no cover so AJ hits the Pele to put both guys down again. Angel’s Wings is countered into a jackknife cover, but AJ backflips out of the cover into the Styles Clash for two. AJ loads up the Clash off the middle rope but Daniels counters into a rana. Now Daniels hits the Clash for the pin at 21:07.

Rating: B. Yeah it was good but so what? Daniels hasn’t won jack here, as AJ has beaten him how many times over the years? That’s the problem with this story: just winning the last match doesn’t always mean you win the war/feud. Daniels winning is the right idea from a storytelling standpoint, but this means nothing, as is the case with everything here. Oh and nice to see all the back work meaning absolutely nothing at all.

We recap Roode vs. Hardy. Hardy is champion, Roode is challenging him. Seriously, that’s it.

TNA World Title: Bobby Roode vs. Jeff Hardy

The crowd FINALLY wakes up for Hardy, possibly because he’s painted like a Christmas tree. Roode immediately goes for the ribs because we haven’t seen that in all of ten minutes. Hardy knocks him to the floor and hits the plancha to take Roode down as the fans stay hot. Back in and Hardy pounds on Roode in the corner as Mike reminds us that Hardy is injured from the Aces and 8’s attack. Tenay: “It’s hard to see his facial expressions because of the face paint.” This would be just as Hardy is wincing very badly. And this guy is the Professor right?

Roode gets in a shot to the midsection and hits a suplex and knee drop for two. We hit the chinlock for a bit, followed by the Hennig necksnap for two on Hardy. Back to the chinlock because the crowd must go back to being dormant like they were for two hours plus. When that does no good for Roode, he goes to the middle rope and jumps into Hardy’s feet, because this show hasn’t been bad enough yet so let’s have the DUMBEST SPOT IN WRESTLING.

Hardy hits a quick Russian legsweep for two but a cross body misses and Hardy crashes out to the floor. A whip into the steps gets two for Bobby and it’s back to the freaking chinlock. Jeff starts his real comeback with his usual stuff and gets two off the Whisper in the Wind. Roode counters a suplex into a rollup for two but Hardy hits his sitout gordbuster for two of his own. A non-bouncing top rope Vader Bomb gets two for Jeff and both guys are down.

The Twist is countered into the spinebuster for two. See, THAT is a move that makes sense for Roode after the offense he’s used so far. Psychology people! There’s the Twist from Hardy but Roode falls to the floor. A clothesline off the apron puts Roode down so Hardy loads up the Poetry in Motion against the barricade.

As usual it misses, but Hardy hits his hip on the barricade and he lands in the crowd. That gets two back in the ring and Roode loads up a superplex, only to get knocked off for the Swanton. Jeff can’t cover though so Roode spears him down for two. Here are Aces and 8’s but they just stand there. Roode walks into the Twist of Fate for the pin to retain at 23:00.

Rating: B. Really good main event here but the problem at the end of the day is that there was never any chance Roode was going to win the title. I don’t care how many two counts he got, there was no chance he was ever going to get the belt back here. Hardy is going to hold that thing either until his contract runs out or until his prescriptions expire. Good match here but in no way could it save the show.

The bikers destroy Hardy post match but Roode yells at them, saying he paid them already. They beat up Roode as well, because they’re CRYPTIC. Freaking screw off with this nonsense about Aces and 8’s anymore. No one cares and they haven’t for months now.

Overall Rating: D-. You remember those European house shows that were billed as PPVs where nothing ever happened? This was the American version of it, as NOTHING happened here but it was called a PPV level card anyway. Terribly boring and uninteresting show here with some good matches, but the first two hours or show just murdered this show something horrible.

Results

James Storm b. Kazarian – Last Call

Rob Van Dam b. Kenny King – Rollup

Chavo Guerrero/Hernandez b. Joey Ryan/Matt Morgan via DQ when Morgan pulled the referee out of the ring

Austin Aries b. Bully Ray – Rollup after a low blow

Tara b. Mickie James – Widow’s Peak

Kurt Angle/Samoa Joe/Garrett Bischoff/Wes Brisco b. Aces and 8’s – Angle Slam to Masked Man #2

Christopher Daniels b. AJ Styles – Styles Clash

Jeff Hardy b. Bobby Roode – Twist of Fate

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Impact Wrestling
Date: November 22, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Todd Keneley, Taz

It’s Thanksgiving and tonight is Open Fight Night. Since no one is watching tonight, the hook of the show is that the Gut Check guys are coming back to issue the challenges. In other words, tonight we’re basically going to have nothing but OVW guys fighting people from TNA. Why do I watch this every week again? Let’s get to it.

Gut Check: Wes Brisco vs. Garrett Bischoff

Oh come on man. This is what we’re opening with? Wes takes it to the mat very quickly but Brisco takes him down even faster. A legdrop misses and here’s Angle to watch Brisco who he’s kind of mentoring. Both guys try dropkicks at the same time and it’s a standoff. Garrett takes him to the mat again with a headlock takeover but Brisco comes back with a neckbreaker for two. Garrett hooks a chinlock and this is already dull. They trade some pinfall attempts and Garrett takes him down with a flapjack for two. Brisco comes back with Kofi’s SOS for the pin at 4:16. Ignore that Brisco’s shoulders were down too.

Rating: C-. This is one of those matches where everything was technically fine but it’s a guy in his first match against a guy that no one likes at all. Based on that, why am I supposed to care about something like this? Brisco winning doesn’t mean much as he beat a jobber, but that doesn’t guarantee him a contract right? Nothing to see here.

Al Snow pumps up the Gut Check guys in the back.

Angle congratulates both guys in the back.

Here’s Joey Ryan for a chat. He says that it’s Open Fight Night for the Gut Check winners, but he didn’t need to win Gut Check at all. Hogan thinks he can split up Morgan and Ryan to conquer them, but you can’t divide the tag champions which is what Ryan and Morgan will become.

Joey Ryan vs. Chavo Guerrero

Ryan jumps Chavo as he comes in but Chavo comes back with right hands very quickly. Joey misses a charge in the corner but decks Guerrero anyway to take over. A dropkick gets one and it’s chinlock time. That goes nowhere so Guerrero dropkicks Ryan down and wins a slugout. Chavo gets sent to the apron but elbows Ryan down and hits the slingshot hilo. The Three Amigos look to set up the Frog Splash but Morgan comes in and chokeslams Chavo down for the DQ at 3:50.

Rating: C. This was better than the opening match but it doesn’t make me want to see a tag title match between the two teams. It looks like Ryan is a guy that knows about two moves and who Chavo had beaten in less than four minutes. I really don’t get why Ryan and Morgan are together but they likely shouldn’t be.

Hernandez clears Morgan out of the ring.

Aries says he’s got someone special in mind to call out tonight and it’ll be a family affair.

Sam Shaw vs. Alex Silva

I’m not going to bother talking about the call outs unless there’s something significant because it looks like they’re going to be “I want to fight *insert name here*!” Silva, who has some VERY skinny legs, charges at Shaw and takes him down almost immediately. We hear about OVW and how it’s the developmental territory which is kind of strange to hear on a national TV show. Silva misses a legdrop but stays on offense anyway. Shaw snaps and hits a spear and a bunch of dropkicks followed by Orton’s backbreaker and a neckbreaker for no cover. A guillotine legdrop (called the Breaking Point for some reason) ends Silva at 4:00.

Rating: D+. What I saw here were two guys that have no character, no stories and no business being on national TV. There wasn’t anything terrible in it but there’s also no reason to care. Basically all that happened here was “Hey, remember these guys? They lost matches earlier this year and now they’re back!” Not really interesting, but again no one is watching tonight. Except me. I hate my life.

Eric Young and ODB have the turkey suit and go in to see Hogan. Turkey jokes are made and Hogan says ok but get out of here. Hogan: “When I grow up, I want to be him.” O……k?

Eric and ODB run into the Rob’s and apparently Big Rob was scarred for life because of being in the turkey suit last week. Jesse and Tara pop up and apparently there’s going to be a triple threat turkey match. Rob and Jesse have a tool off in a bizarrely intriguing moment.

We recap the Aces and 8’s hammer attacks. This leads to a video about Joseph Park’s story with the gang.

Aces and 8’s have a Thanksgiving feast and Doc is a fully patched member. Apparently some guy named VP gets to throw the next dart to decide who the target is.

Video on Christian York and his Gut Check experience.

Christian York vs. Jeff Hardy

See, THIS is the kind of call out that actually works. Feeling out process to start and Hardy elbows York into the corner. This is non-title of course. York comes back with some kicks to send Hardy into the corner again and we take a break at a standoff. Back with Hardy sending Christian into the corner but the Twist of Fate misses, giving York two.

York hits a half nelson suplex and puts on a kind of Octopus hold while on his back. That gets broken up but the Twist of Fate doesn’t work. York hits a Twist on Hardy for two but a swinging neckbreaker is countered into the sitout gordbuster. Jeff goes up but has to settle for a sunset bomb off the top instead of the Swanton. There’s the Twist and the Swanton gets the pin at 10:58.

Rating: C. Not a bad match here but I was so bored sitting through it. At the end of the day, York is a guy we’ve seen once and we’re supposed to buy him as having a chance against Jeff Hardy? York looked decent out there and got to show off a bit, but this night of no stories isn’t doing anything for me at all.

Post match Roode comes in and hits a spinebuster on York and a spear on Hardy for good measure.

We look at Taeler Hendrix’s Gut Check. At least she’s something to look at.

Brooke Hogan comes up to waste our time with Taeler Hendrix.

Taeler Hendrix vs. Tara

Non-title again. Tara throws her around, massages Jesse, and chokes Taeler a bit. Taeler hits something vaguely resembling a dropkick to send Tara into Jesse followed by a spinning suplex slam (think Cena’s finishing sequence) for two and a cross body for the same. A high kick gets two for Taeler but Tara hits ajawbreaker and a big right hand with some overselling by Hendrix. Widow’s Peak ends it at 4:20.

Rating: D. Again, why is this supposed to be interesting? We have a bit name chick and a no name chick and the big name chick beat up the no name chick. Why is that supposed to be interesting? Hendrix seems to be a nice girl but she’s not ready yet for something like this, which is the problem with modern wrestling: she needs experience but after you work the indies, you’re told you have to learn a mainstream style so there’s no point to going to the indies anymore, meaning you get a lot of inexperienced people on the main shows who are there because of potential. That’s not good for the future of wrestling.

Eric Young vs. Jesse Godderz vs. Robbie E

The loser has to wear a turkey suit. I think I smell a comedy match. Eric locks up with the referee to start and then clotheslines down the other two guys. The heels beat Eric down and then get in a fight of their own for no apparent reason other than that’s how triple threats work. Eric comes back as ODB and Tara get in a fight in the ring. They do the roll on the referee spot and Jesse is sent to the floor. The Rob’s have miscommunication and Eric throws E to the floor. The Stunner is broken up and an O’Connor Roll pins Jesse at 3:33.

Rating: D+. It was a comedy match and that’s it. Eric did his schtick and we get a comedy payoff with Jesse in a turkey suit. Again though, this is one of those matches that just don’t matter. Then again, this show doesn’t matter at all so it’s not like this means anything. It’s tradition I guess.

Jesse puts the suit on and hates it of course. The important thing though is here are Aces and 8’s to destroy Eric with the hammer. That’s likely his exit from the company and hopefully the end of the stupid Knockout Tag Titles.

Here are Daniels and Kaz with Daniels talking about the “final” battle with AJ coming up at Final Resolution. However tonight, it’s Kaz vs. Styles.

Kazarian vs. AJ Styles

I’m surprised they have to feel each other out given how many times they’ve fought. AJ hits the drop down/kick to send Kaz to the floor and a headscissors takes Kaz down back in the ring. Styles gets knocked down out of the corner and Kaz pounds away, hitting a gutwrench suplex for two. AJ makes a quick comeback but gets taken down by a DDT. A sunset flip out of the corner by Styles is countered into a cover but Kaz is caught holding the ropes. Earl Hebner shoves Kaz into a rollup for two but there’s the Pele for the pin at 5:27.

Rating: C. Not bad here but it’s too late to save this show. You can’t have a show be this boring to start things off before having some good stuff at the end and expect people to care about it still. AJ is fine in the ring and it’s good to see him have a story, but do we REALLY need to see him vs. Daniels again? There’s no one else he can fight? Really?

Here’s Aries to end the show. He’s in a suit so this isn’t likely going to be a match. Aries thinks the deck is stacked against him in the last few months and that’s because of Hogan. So he calls out…..Brooke Hogan. Well of course he does. He’s tired of hearing about the name Hogan all the time and knows Brooke is waiting to get married to get rid of that name. Maybe she could be Miss Brooke McMahon or Brooke Trump?

Apparently it’s going to be Miss Bully Ray because Aries has footage. WHAT IS WITH THE HIDDEN RELATIONSHIP THEME IN WRESTLING ANYMORE??? It’s the same clips we’ve seen of the two of them together the last two weeks. Aries says he’ll give her all the stuffing she wants, which brings out Hulk and Ray to chase Aries off. Brooke looks back and forth between Hulk and Bully while giving Hulk a look as if to say she’s sorry. Brooke runs off to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Yes it was bad, but as I’ve said earlier, I know why it happened. The audience for this is likely to be weak so why bother wasting a big show on it? They just cooled their heels a bit here to waste some time which is understandable, but it doesn’t make the show easy to sit through. The Gut Check guys won’t be seen again for months and I can’t say I’m complaining at all. Back to normal next week I’m sure.

Results

Wes Brisco b. Garrett Bischoff – Side Cradle

Chavo Guerrero b. Joey Ryan via DQ when Matt Morgan interfered

Sam Shaw b. Alex Silva – Breaking Point

Jeff Hardy b. Christian York – Swanton Bomb

Tara b. Taeler Hendrix – Widow’s Peak

Eric Young b. Jesse Godderz and Robbie E – Rollup to Godderz

AJ Styles b. Kazarian – Pele

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Impact Wrestling
Date: November 8, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz, Todd Keneley, Jeremy Borash

Last week’s big moment was the unmasking of Luke Gallows who doesn’t actually have a name at this point. Other than that we had Gut Check and the announcement of a three way for the #1 contendership. Odds are tonight is mostly about Aces and 8’s, but that’s pretty much all you can expect to get on Impact anymore. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the announcement of the triple threat. The guy who takes the fall can’t get a title shot until BFG next year, which is a nice idea actually. We also hear about Aries vs. Hardy being a ladder match. Aries: “IT WAS JUST A METAPHOR JEFF!” Those things are just about the world title match though, so now let’s focus on the important thing: ACES AND 8’s! And that guy who we don’t have a name for yet but is more famous as Luke Gallows!

Aces and 8’s are yelling at Gallows, who is now named Doc (Director of Chaos), because he lost his mask before he was even made a full fledged member of the team. Tonight it’s Doc/D-Von vs. Angle/Sting. This sums up the major problem with the reveals so far: how in the world am I supposed to buy D-Von and Luke Gallows as a legitimate threat to beat Sting and Angle, two of the best of all time?

AJ Styles vs. Bobby Roode

Storm is on commentary. They fight for control of a wristlock to start before heading to the mat. Roode appears to have gotten a haircut. He blocks AJ’s drop down/kick sequence but AJ sends him to the floor with ease. Styles sends him into the steps and drops a knee back inside as Storm says he would pin Roode if he had to pick. There are ads on the mat now too, which is fine as it brings in some extra cash.

A big backdrop puts Roode down but Bobby gets in a shot to the back to take over. We take a break and come back with Roode hot shotting AJ on the top rope. A Blockbuster gets two for Roode as does an elbow drop. Storm says he’d work with Roode to beat AJ if necessary. I can see the “BEER MONEY REUNION???” posts already. Roode hooks a chinlock for a bit but AJ fights up and hits an enziguri to put both guys down.

We head to the corner with AJ pounding away but getting guillotined on the top rope to slow him down. The disadvantage lasts about eight seconds as AJ comes back with a top rope rana for two. The Clash is escaped and there’s the spinebuster from Roode for no cover. The spear misses though and AJ rolls him up into a Styles Clash position, but Roode kicks him in the head to escape. Pele misses and the fisherman’s suplex gets two for Bobby. Really good sequence there.

Bobby goes to the floor for a chair but Storm comes down to take it away from him. Styles hits a BIG springboard dive to take Roode out but stops to yell at Storm. Back in, AJ loads up another springboard but Roode knocks him off the ropes and gets a fast pin at 10:50 shown of 14:20.

Rating: B. Solid match here and for a TV match, this was great stuff. AJ and Roode have good chemistry together and when you can beat AJ Styles clean on TV, you’ve got something going for you. As for the PPV, you have to think Roode wins, but PLEASE don’t let Storm get pinned. There’s no reason to keep him out of the title scene for ANOTHER year as he never got a real run with the belt anyway which he’s more than capable of doing.

Aries runs into Hogan in the back. Aries complains about the ladder stipulation so Hulk says that if Aries doesn’t give the belt back by the end of the show, Aries loses his title shot.

We run down the remaining card for the show when the feed starts messing up. The screen says “An Ancient Evil Awakes”. Abyss maybe?

Angle is talking to Wes Brisco about timing when Sting comes up. Sting wants Brisco watching their back in the main event tonight. Are we really supposed to not get that Brisco is a member of the team? It’s obviously him given the hair, but are we supposed to not notice it?

Joseph Park is in the ring and after asking if it’s ok for him to talk, he says his body isn’t meant to go through tables and he loved the feeling of taking off Doc’s mask. His legal partners don’t want him to have a match with Aces and 8’s but he has to be a man. First though we have to make the pilgrimage to Mt. Hogan to beg for the match though, because if Hogan’s ego doesn’t get stroked every other segment, that’s just not cool brother.

Here’s Hogan who says that Park is a great guy but he got lucky last week instead of being good. Before Hogan can say no though, here’s Ray with an interruption. Ray says Park isn’t a fighter but he has a lot of guts and a lot to prove. The Bully believes in Joseph Park and so do the fans. Bully to Hulk: “Why say no when it feels so good to say yes?” It’s that mentality that led to the sex tape issue brother. Hogan says just this one time and shakes Park’s hand.

Tara hits on Jesse, who says that he used shooting star presses and a super double tiger driver last week. ODB comes in to yell at the two of them and wants a handicap match next. Jesse: “We’re going to need A LOT of hand sanitizer.”

AJ rants about Storm when the Cowboy comes in.

ODB vs. Tara/Jesse Godderz

Tara and Jesse actually skip down to the floor. They don’t have to tag here so ODB beats up both of them at once. Jesse gets rammed into ODB’s cleavage and there’s a double noggin knocker. A double elbow puts ODB down before Tara raves over the bicep a bit. ODB slams them both down and avoids a charging Jesse. Tara gets sent into his crotch and it’s a double bronco buster. ODB spears Tara down for the pin at 2:40. I smell a tag match Sunday.

ODB gets beaten down with a flask shot post match. Jesse pours the contents on her body.

Post break, ODB is on the phone with Eric’s voicemail and says the tag match is on.

Apparently on Thanksgiving, all of the Gut Check winners will be there. Oh joy.

The Gut Check judges have a chat. Taz thinks it’s a no brainer but doesn’t say which side he’s on. This goes on for awhile and Snow’s jacket gets made fun of.

Sting/Kurt Angle vs. Doc/D-Von

Before you ask, no I don’t be calling him DOC in all caps. Seriously, it makes zero difference so spare me the arguments that I’m saying it wrong. Tenay and Taz take over on commentary. The brawl starts on the floor with Angle destroying D-Von and Sting doing the same to Doc. Sting and Doc start in the corner and Sting hits a quick DDT for two. A D-Von distraction lets Doc hit a clothesline to take over as things get down to normal.

Off to D-Von who drops an elbow for two before bringing Doc back in. A suplex gets two and it’s off to the chinlock. That goes nowhere so D-Von drops a leg for two. Angle gets punched in the face to break up a tag and D-Von pounds Sting down in the corner. A Doc splash gets two as Angle makes the save. Back to D-Von for the spinning elbow for two as Aces and 8’s are using REALLY basic stuff so far.

Doc and Sting clothesline each other down and there’s the hot tag to Angle. House is cleaned and it’s a German for Doc and the Slam for D-Von. Everything breaks down but as Sting puts Doc in the Deathlock, D-Von hits Sting and Angle with the ball bat for the DQ at 5:41.

Rating: D. Nothing to see here as the match existed to get to the end. Like I said earlier, it’s really hard to buy these guys as threats to a team like Sting and Kurt Angle. The match wasn’t horrible or anything it was was absolutely nothing to get excited or interested about at all. If nothing else, Doc has a good look to him with the size and bald head.

Post match here’s Bully for the save and he loads up a table. D-Von runs as soon as he sees it so Sting comes back to beat up Doc. More members come in with a hammer to save Doc and Sting gets put through the table. Angle gets knocked to the floor and Doc “hits” Sting with the hammer, clearly missing his hand by a good space. Joe, Chavo and Hernandez make the save. You know, because you should be afraid when you have the high ground AND A HAMMER. Sting gets taken out by medics.

This has nothing to do with what just happened, but apparently that Ancient Evil Awakes is a Halo 4 ad. Silly me for thinking an ad during a wrestling show was about wrestling.

Time for Gut Check, because that transition is fine. Taz says yes without a doubt and Prichard says yes as well, giving York the contract. I can’t argue with that one.

Aries is in the back on the phone when he sees Brooke and Ray arguing over something. They see him coming and stop immediately because they don’t want him to hear. We’ve got intrigue!

We recap Hardy vs. Aries.

We run down the Turning Point card. Unless I’m missing it, does Ray not have a match?

Hogan is on the phone asking for updates on Sting when he runs into Joey Ryan. Ryan says Hulk can congratulate him on winning the X Title which he hasn’t gotten a shot at yet. Hogan tells Morgan that Matt isn’t allowed at ringside on Sunday. Morgan says Hulk has no idea who he’s messing with but he’ll find out. I still want Morgan as the Aces and 8’s boss. Morgan and Ryan leave and Hogan says he does know.

Samoa Joe/Chavo Guerrero Jr./Hernandez vs. Christopher Daniels/Kazarian/Magnus

It’s a big brawl to start with Chavo vs. Daniels finally getting things going. Daniels gets beaten around like a pinball before Chavo suplexes him down for two. Daiels hits a knee and tags Kaz but the beating continues very quickly. SuperMex comes in with a splash for two and it’s time for Magnus vs. Joe. The British guy who used to be a gladiator for some reason runs to the floor and upon reentry, the heels gets in a shot to Joe’s back to take over.

Everything breaks down again until it’s Joe hammering away on Daniels in the corner. Daniels drops a knee and brings in Chavo with a slingshot hilo for two. Hernandez hooks a bearhug into an overhead belly to belly before it’s back to Chavo who gets two off a dropkick. Some double teaming FINALLY slows Chavo down and the beatdown begins. A running jumping swinging neckbreaker gets two for Kaz and it’s off to Magnus again.

Daniels acts like he’s riding a horse for some reason before it’s off to Kaz for a bow and arrow hold. Chavo fights up and hooks a headscissors to take Kaz down and make the tag off to Hernandez. House is cleaned and Daniels gets launched with a shoulder block. The Border Toss is broken up but Daniels/Kaz’s double suplex is countered into a suplex on both of them by Hernandez. Off to Joe vs. Magnus with the Samoan taking over. Magnus charges into the Rock Bottom out of the corner.

The two of them head to the floor as does Daniels, so here’s a big dive by Hernandez to take them out. Chavo loads up the Frog Splash on Magnus but Kaz breaks it up. Joe loads up the MuscleBuster on Magnus but Daniels makes the save. There’s the Clutch on Daniels but it’s broken up by a jawbreaker. Daniels and Kaz go High/Low on Joe and a top rope elbow from Magnus gets the pin at 11:00.

Rating: B-. Solid six man tag here with the exactly right ending. This gives you a reason to believe Magnus can in fact win the title from Joe which wasn’t really something that was easy to buy into earlier. That’s basic booking and that’s all you need to do most of the time, yet most companies don’t get it.

Roode says his plan is coming together with AJ fighting Storm.

We recap the attack on Sting.

Here’s Aries to return the belt. There’s a ladder at ringside and another one in the ring. Aries says that Hardy says he’s the best wrestler on the planet. Well Aries is the best wrestler in the universe. Either this universe, or any universe. They’re going hard with the WWE jabs lately. Austin talks about how Hardy has lived and died by the ladder match. Hardy has fallen a lot, but on Sunday the fall is going to be worse than any he’s ever had. The fans keep chanting WHAT so Aries goes off on them a bit.

Aries says he’s going to use Hardy’s belt as a belt buckle, meaning Hardy’s face will be down by his crotch (his words, not mine). If Hardy wants this belt back, come and get it. Here’s Hardy who knocks Aries to the floor and takes the title before climbing up the ladder. He hangs both belts and poses but Aries shoves him off the ladder and stomps him down to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. Good show overall here and pretty good hype for the PPV, but again, we’ve got a lawyer fighting a career enforcer and Kurt Angle vs. D-Von which we’re supposed to pay for. They need to reveal someone big soon or the interest they’ve got left in this story is going to die soon. That’s a problem because it’s ALL OVER the TV shows. The other stuff with the world title related matches is really good though and I’m looking forward to the show. Still though, where is Bully Ray?

Results

Bobby Roode b. AJ Styles – Pin after knocking Styles off the top rope

ODB b. Tara/Jesse Godderz – Spear to Tara

Sting/Kurt Angle b. D-Von/Doc via DQ when D-Von hit Angle with a baseball bat

Magnus/Kazarian/Christopher Daniels b. Samoa Joe/Chavo Guerrero Jr./Hernandez – Top Rope Elbow To Joe

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Impact Wrestling
Date: November 1, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Jeremy Borash, Todd Kennely

It’s Open Fight Night and the two fights announced so far are Bully Ray vs. D-Von and ODB calling out Jesse Godderz because for some reason TNA thinks we care about him. Other than that we’ve got one more show after this before Turning Point and a few more matches being announced would be nice. Also Angle got beaten down last week so we’ll probably hear something about that. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Joseph Park to open things up. He talks about how he was attacked and had his rights violated by Aces and 8’s and because of that, he wants a match with Aces and 8’s. Since he’s not allowed to do that though, he has to use Open Fight Night. He challenges any member but gets four instead. Angle and Sting make the saves and Sting promises to take a mask off someone in Aces and 8’s tonight.

Jesse is annoyed at having to fight ODB tonight but Tara says she has his back. Jesse makes her sterilize him. This guy is still annoying.

Magnus calls out Joe for a TV Title match. So do champions automatically have to defend their titles? If so, the entire roster is rather stupid. Magnus says Joe is the Howard Stern of wrestling: he has a radio face and isn’t the image we want.

TV Title: Magnus vs. Samoa Joe

Joe comes straight to the ring and beats Magnus down in the corner. I’m assuming this is for the title but I’m not sure. Magnus gets a boot up in the corner but charges into an atomic drop. Joe kicks him down and hits the backsplash for two. A jumping knee to the face puts Joe down and it’s off to a quick chinlock which Joe fights out of without much difficulty. Magnus charges into a Rock Bottom out of the corner to send him out to the floor. Joe rams Magnus’ back into the post but Magnus pulls something from underneath the ring. It’s a wrench and Magnus hits Joe in the head with it for the DQ at 3:44.

Rating: D. What was the point of this again? Magnus gets the match he wants and cheats to lose it? I’m not sure what they’re going for here as Magnus has potential but he doesn’t seem to be going anywhere at all with this feud. Joe beat him clean at BFG, so why is this feud still going?

Angle wants D-Von tonight but Hogan says he has to wait until Turning Point. Angle has Garrett Bischoff and Wes Brisco to help in the fight tonight, so I’m guessing they’re ready to be revealed as members.

Post break Joe rants about wanting to fight Magnus with No DQ.

We recap Aries attacking Hardy after the title defense against Angle and stealing the belt.

Hardy is putting his paint on and we get those inner thoughts of his again.

Here are Daniels and Kaz with something to say. Kaz says that the real masked men around here are Hernandez and Chavo. Apparently what he and Daniels said last week has offended some people, so tonight they’re calling out the Spanish announcers Hector Guerrero and Willie Urbina.

Christopher Daniels/Kazarian vs. Willie Urbina/Hector Guerrero

Post break the announcers are still getting into the ring as the younger guys are making fun of them with very basic Spanish. Daniels shoves Willie so Hector punches him down, but Hector is quickly in trouble. The tag champs finally make the save and there’s no match of course.

We get the Christian York Gut Check video from last week.

ODB wants Eric here and wants her fried chicken. For the love of goodness GET ANOTHER JOKE.

Gut Check; Christian York vs. Zema Ion

York throws Ion’s hairspray away and things start fast. York works on the arm for a bit and flips out of the corner. To say York is more polished than the rest of the Gut Check guys so far is a huge understatement. With Ion down in the corner, York hits a rolling flip attack to put Ion in even more trouble. York goes up but Ion rolls to the apron and comes back in with a tornado DDT. A middle rope moonsault hits York’s knees and York hits Eve Torres’ rolling neckbreaker for two and we head to the floor. As they come back in, Ion kicks the ropes into York’s balls and hooks that arm hold (Submission Impossible) for the win at 4:20.

Rating: C-. York looked solid here and I have zero idea at all why Ion won this match. I mean….IT’S ZEMA ION. Do you REALLY need to protect a guy like this? York looked more than good enough to get a contract, especially after some of the people that have gotten one through this concept. It still doesn’t mean anything if they’re never on TV afterwards though.

Aries goes to see the Rob’s about something.

Garrett Bischoff says he’s got Ray’s back tonight. Someone comes up and says Aces and 8’s is outside right now. Ray and Bischoff find find Sting and Angle and see five members of the team not including D-Von. D-Von shows up and gets Bully to chase him. Aces and 8’s run off. Oh and Wes Brisco was there helping Sting and company but I didn’t see him at first.

Here’s ODB to call out Jessie Godderz because someone thinks that wrestling fans want to see some Big Brother alumnus. ODB makes fun of Jesse before calling him out

ODB vs. Jessie Godderz

This is your first hour main event for some reason. ODB chops Godderz to start until Jessie shoves her down and we get a lot of posing. ODB comes back with a bad wheelbarrow slam and does the face into the crotch stuff in the corner. A middle rope Thesz Press misses and Jessie slams ODB down. ODB spanks Jessie a bit and GOOD GRIEF END THIS ALREADY! Tara’s distraction lets Jessie pin ODB with a handful of I guess tights at about 4:00 (forgot to time it).

Rating: R. As in reality stars suck. Miz took forever to get going before he got good and I have no idea why someone thought this was a good idea. Terrible match and the ODB character has LONG lived out its usefulness now. Just end the Knockouts Tag Titles already and get rid of ODB while they’re at it.

Taz isn’t here tonight because of Hurricane Sandy so Tenay and JB do the second hour.

Here are the Rob’s and the smaller one is calling out Jeff Hardy as per Aries’ request.

Jeff Hardy vs. Robbie E

As expected, Hardy takes over quickly to start and hits a middle rope legdrop. We head to the floor where Hardy sends him into the steps and hits Poetry in Motion off the same steps to take Robbie down. We take a break and come back with Robbie in control off stuff that isn’t important enough to show us. Jeff comes back but can’t hit the Twist, allowing Robbie to hit the Twist for two. The second attempt at the Twist hits and it’s the Swanton for the pin at 4:15 shown of 7:45.

Rating: D. Of all the people Hardy could pick, he picks ROBBIE E to beat up Hardy? Why not like, I don’t know, THE BIG STRONG GUY THAT HANGS OUT WITH ROBBIE E??? Nothing match here as Hardy didn’t really have to break a sweat to beat Robbie. It was the world champion against a jobber to the stars. What were you expecting here?

Post match Aries comes out and says the difference between them is three seconds. Aries says he’s climbed the ladder of success in the time he’s been here. Hardy says let’s do it this way and pulls out a ladder. Aries: “You going to put some new shingles on a roof?” Austin says no to the ladder match and leaves.

We get a video of Hogan’s Beach Shop opening when Matt Morgan showed up and wanted an explanation of why he hasn’t gotten a chance at the top. Morgan takes one of Hogan’s old ropes which is apparently like 30 years old. He says he’ll make history with it.

Storm tells Hogan he’s ready for the world title. Hogan says he might have an idea for Storm. This is unlike last week when Hogan DID have an idea for him.

Here’s Bobby Roode, presumably with another challenge. Actually he says he’s here with a fact: he’s getting screwed once again. Roode says that he got screwed last week when he wasn’t included in the four guys who could have gotten a shot. This brings out AJ Styles who talks about how Roode got the longest world title reign ever while AJ had personal issues to deal with. AJ: “I got accused of something because I was in an elevator with a female, WHICH SEEMS TO BE THE NEW NORM IN WRESTLING IF YOUR NAME IS AJ!” BURN on WWE!

The brawl starts with no referee but here are Hogan and Storm. Hulk makes a three way at Turning Point with Roode, Storm and AJ and says the winner gets a shot, but the loser CAN’T get a shot until next Bound For Glory.

We run down the Turning Point card.

Here are Morgan and Ryan with Morgan talking about how he’s doing this to get Hogan’s attention. He’s also wearing the robe that he stole from Hogan’s shop. Morgan says he’s going to go through the whole roster until he owns the world title. Ryan says he usual avoids VD’s, but tonight he wants RVD so he can show us that the X Title can be X-Rated.

Joey Ryan vs. Rob Van Dam

Joey jumps him to start but Rob fights back with shoulders in the corner. Van Dam takes him down but Morgan pulls Ryan out of the way and Joey grabs a side roll and trunks for the pin a 1:37. The announcers and Tenay sounded surprised that happened so maybe it wasn’t as planned.

Morgan kicks RVD’s head off post match.

Here’s Ray for the callout of D-Von. First though he shouts out to the people in NYC who have been hurt by Hurricane Sandy. Nothing wrong with that. He wants D-Von RIGHT NOW and here we go.

D-Von vs. Bully Ray

We’ve only got about five minutes left so this won’t be much. D-Von immediately heads to the floor so Ray grabs a table. There’s been no bell yet unless I missed it. D-Von keeps up the stalling and here come the troops, including the one that looks to be Wes Brisco. Ray grabs his chain to fend them off but there are like eight guys not counting D-Von. A big army of guys come from the back to help in the fight but it’s quickly down to just Bully and D-Von.

Ray punches him down and the fans want the table. A big guy breaks up a powerbomb attempt by Ray but Joseph Park of all people comes in to face off with the big guy. Park gets punched in the ribs and the big guy pounds him down. Park comes back and gets the mask to reveal….Luke Gallows. Gallows chokeslams Park through the table to end the show. Naturally we don’t hear Gallows’ name because that’s copyrighted by WWE.

Overall Rating: D. This show didn’t do it for me at all. Look at the matches on here along with some of the segments and tell me what was good on this show. I like the three way they announced with the loser stipulation, but other than that I’m not sure what I’m supposed to care about on this episode. Just dull all around, like almost all wrestling is anymore at this point. Open Fight Night is totally worthless as a concept as it’s just not needed to make the matches we’re getting.

Results

Samoa Joe b. Magnus via DQ when Magnus hit Joe with a wrench

Zema Ion b. Christian York – Submission Impossible

Jeff Hardy b. Robbie E – Swanton

Joey Ryan b. Rob Van Dam – Side Roll

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Bound For Glory 2012
Date: October 14, 2012
Location: Grand Canyon University Arena, Phoenix, Arizona
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz

It’s the biggest show of the year for TNA and honestly I’m not all that excited about it. The main event tonight is Aries vs. Hardy for the title, but the REAL main event is Aces and 8’s vs. Sting/Bully Ray. The question is much more about who is going to be the leader of the gang, or if that’s even going to be revealed. I’d look for a fun quality show tonight but nothing that jumps off the page. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about what you would expect: it talks about the history of the company and how big the show is. Most of this has been shown on Impact in the Memories Are Waiting promos.

There’s a ramp to get to the ring which is always cool.

X-Division Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Zema Ion

Ion is defending. Rob came out on Impact when Ion was running his mouth and Van Dam said Hogan said he could have any match he wanted at this show. Zema has been injuring a lot of people lately. Rob takes over to start and knocks Ion to the floor but Ion moves before Rob can dive. Back in and Ion takes out Rob’s leg followed by a corkscrew kick out of the corner for two.

The champ goes up again and gets crotched, followed by a kick to take him down again. Out of nowhere Ion hits a jumping tornado DDT for two and then two more. Rob goes up but gets shoved into the barricade like he’s had done to him a few dozen times over the years. Ion hits a flip dive to keep Van Dam down while also barely avoiding breaking a rib on the barricade.

Back in and a missile dropkick gets two for Ion. As usual with Ion, his in ring stuff isn’t bad but the promos and persona getting there don’t do him much good. Off to an abdominal stretch which is pretty quickly broken. Van Dam makes a very fast comeback, takes Ion down, hits Rolling Thunder and the Five Star and wins the title at 8:00.

Rating: C. I can’t complain about Van Dam winning the title at all as this gives the title some credibility that it hasn’t had in a new champion in awhile. Also this gives the fans something to pop for early on which is the right idea. The match itself was nothing you wouldn’t see on Impact, but the right ending helps.

Magnuis says it’s his time to shine and therefore take the title.

TV Title: Samoa Joe vs. Magnus

They used to be partners and then split. Feeling out process to start with Joe taking him into the corner for the enziguri to take over. The champ pounds away and Magnus has to hide for mercy. Magnus comes back with punches of his own as we have a strike heavy match so far. A big old clothesline takes Joe down and Magnus takes over for the first time so far. Magnus takes him down with a knee and stomps away, followed by a jumping elbow for two. This is pretty decent stuff so far.

Joe fires back with some right hands but charges into something like a Michinoku Driver (sitout slam) for two. Magnus runs into an atomic drop and Joe starts speeding things up, firing up the fans in the process. They’re in Phoenix so you wouldn’t think that would be too hard. The backsplash and snap powerslam get two for Joe. Joe gets all crafty now and counters a leapfrog into a powerbomb to kill Magnus.

In a sequence that is always cool, Joe hooks an STF but once Magnus is getting too close to the ropes, he shifts it into Rings of Saturn. After Magnus gets a foot on the ropes, Joe loads up the MuscleBuster but Magnus goes to the eyes. A kick to the face takes Joe down and Magnus hits a top rope elbow for two and Joe is all fired up. He throws on the choke but Magnus escapes by climbing the corner. A jawbreaker escapes the hold again and Magnus goes for the knee. You don’t try holds on Joe though, and the choke retains the title for Joe at 8:57.

Rating: C+. They’re going with the fast matches tonight and that’s probably a good idea with these less interesting matches. This was a better match than the first one but when you have two talented guys in there instead of one, you’re often going to have a better match. There was no reason for Joe to lose the title yet anyway so no complaints there.

Roode says it ends tonight with Storm.

Video on Roode vs. Storm. Last year Roode lost in the main event of BFG, then Storm won the world title the next week on Impact. Roode used a beer bottle to beat Storm for the title and turn heel, which led to Storm wanting both revenge and the title back. Roode lucked out at Lockdown and then cost Storm the BFG Series, leading to a street fight tonight.

James Storm vs. Bobby Roode

MMA fighter King Mo is guest outside referee for no apparent reason. Storm takes over to start and hits a fast backdrop. We head to the floor with Storm in control. He hits Roode in the back with a chair but Roode sends him into the barricade to counter. Storm leg sweeps him into the barricade as well and Roode is in trouble early. Bobby comes back and sends Storm into the post, busting him open. Well at least they’re not waiting on bringing the violence here.

We get the weapons thrown into the ring and the fans want tables, because what would a street fight be without tables? Oh man Storm’s cut is a gusher. Roode puts a chair between the top and middle ropes, allowing James to come back with some kendo stick shots to the ribs. Storm hits a trashcan into Bobby’s balls using a kendo stick like a golf club to make Roode vibrate on the mat.

They head to the ramp with Storm hitting a DDT on the I guess wood. Storm jabs Roode in the ribs with a fan’s crutch and DESTROYS him with a trashcan. Mo hasn’t been a factor yet. Roode snaps off a spinebuster onto the ramp out of nowhere to give himself a breather. Storm grabs a fan’s beer for a quick refreshment. They head to the announce table and Roode kind of spears Storm through the other table to take over. There is blood EVERYWHERE. That gets two back in the ring and Roode yells at Hebner, which gets him in trouble with Mo.

The distraction lets Storm hit the Codebreaker and Last Call….for two. I’m glad that was only two as it would have been a pretty weak ending. Another superkick is caught and Storm is sent face first into the chair Roode set up in the corner a long time ago. That gets two so Roode puts Storm on the top rope. He gets a chair for a hard shot to the head and busts out the bag of thumbtacks. See, now that it’s been awhile since we’ve done this, it means something again. Roode tries a superplex onto the tacks but gets shoved down into them in a painful looking spot.

Storm drops a top rope elbow for two but Roode hits him low to stop Storm’s comeback. Roode goes to the floor and gets a beer bottle which is what started this whole thing. Storm hits Bobby low, takes a drink of the beer, and cracks the bottle over Roode’s head. Storm stands him up, and with Roode out on his feet, a second Last Call sends Roode into the tacks for the pin at 17:27. King Mo was barely a factor here and didn’t need to be around at all.

Rating: B+. In short, the cage match was better. That’s all this boils down to: the match at Lockdown was one of the best built up matches I can remember in a long time but they extended the feud because that’s what seemed like the right idea. Now don’t get me wrong: this was a great brawl and a good bloodbath and it had the perfect ending to the feud, but the feud didn’t need to be here, or at least not with Storm losing the second match. This is like Rock beating Austin at Wrestlemania 19 with nothing on the line. It’s a very good match, but it doesn’t mean as much.

Joey Ryan talks about says he should be on the roster already. He and Snow are polar opposites and tonight, they’re on the west coast where he has the advantage. He’s bringing sleazy back tonight.

We recap Ryan vs. Snow. Ryan was on Gut Check and got a big percentage of the votes, but the judges said no. Ryan terrorized Gut Check, becoming the only interesting thing about the segment for months, and tonight he faces Snow for a contract.

Al Snow vs. Joey Ryan

Ryan hides in the corner to start and the fans want Head. Snow is in workout clothes instead of wrestling gear. Snow gets down on all fours and lets Ryan get in a free chance to start. That goes about as well as you would expect for Ryan and he hides in the corner again. This is a good choice for putting on after the big street fight that just happened. It’s a way for the fans to calm down a bit.

Ryan keeps trying basic offense and Snow stops him at every turn. A delayed slam puts Joey down and Snow takes him to the mat with a headlock. Ryan gets in a shot to the ribs and a suplex for two. Snow comes back with the trapping headbutts and grabs Joey’s chest hair. Snow takes him down again for two and the fans want Head. And that’s what they get from under the ring. Ryan shoves the referee down and steals the Head for a makeout scene. Snow ties Joey up in the ring skirt….and here’s Matt Morgaon to Carbon Footprint Snow into next week. Ryan gets the easy pin at 8:28.

Rating: D+. This was about what you would expect from Al Snow in 2012. The Morgan twist was fine and a pairing between him and Ryan could be interesting, as if nothing else Ryan could use a bodyguard. This was the ending they had to go with and there’s nothing wrong with that, especially with faces being undefeated in the first hour.

Ryan and Morgan shake hands.

Kaz and Daniels don’t care about Twitter questions and brag about how awesome they are. These two feel totally greasy and evil and they’re GREAT at it.

We recap the tag title match. Basically both challenging teams should be able to maul the champions but they can’t quite get there. AJ and Angle keep arguing and Hernandez and Chavo don’t have the experience yet.

Tag Titles: Kazarian/Christopher Daniels vs. Hernandez/Chavo Guerrero Jr vs. AJ Styles/Kurt Angle

Angle and AJ come out separately. Wes Brisco is in the front row and I’d bet we’ll see him later. Daniels and Kaz are in orange and black to start jokes from Taz. Chavo and AJ start things off and in a strange visual, Angle and Hernandez are standing on the same side of the apron. Daniels and Kaz are chilling on the floor. This starts with the usual technical goodness you would expect from these two.

Off to Angle who stomps Chavo down in the corner and Chavo has some tape on his shoulder. Angle slams Chavo down on said shoulder and Daniels blind tags Kurt to come in and….scratch that as Angle stays in. Off to AJ vs. Hernandez with the big guy throwing AJ around and getting two off a splash. Kaz tags himself in to stomp on AJ but there’s the drop down/kick and it’s back to Kurt.

Chavo comes in to face Kaz and some good basic wrestling takes Kazarian down. Hernandez drops Kaz with a backbreaker and it’s back to Chavo to dropkick the freshly tagged in Daniels. AJ comes back in because we can’t have a PPV without Daniels vs. AJ right? A clothesline puts AJ down and it’s time for some pelvic thrusting. The champs hit a double team move with Daniels hiptossing Kaz into AJ for two.

Kaz puts on a full nelson of all things on Styles but a quick Pele takes Kaz right back down. There’s the hot tag to Kurt who beats up everyone in sight. He snaps off some suplexes and counters a sunset flip into an ankle lock on Daniels. There go the straps but Angle misses a charge in the corner and hits the post. Angle shrugs that off and suplexes Kaz onto Daniels for two.

Kaz comes back in with the slingshot DDT on Angle but Hernandez comes back in and takes out Kaz. Daniels smacks AJ in the face and there’s no one in the ring. Daniels dives onto Angle from the apron and there’s the REAL big dive from Hernandez to take everyone out. Kaz tries a rana off the top to Hernandez off the apron but Hernandez goes the wrong way and Kaz basically crashes on his shoulder in a SICK looking landing.

AJ gets the attention off Kazarian by hitting a BIG dive on the champs and Hernandez. Kaz is at least sitting up now. Chavo suplexes Angle over the top and back in as he rolls some suplexes. Angle Slam out of nowhere puts Chavo down and a double suplex takes SuperMex down as well. Kaz is back in with a clothesline to take Daniels down and the BME gets a VERY close two on AJ.

Chavo sends Kaz to the floor and hits another big dive to take him out. Angel’s Wings are broken up by Styles and the moonsault into the reverse DDT takes Daniels down. Hernandez actually tags in and hits a slingshot shoulder block followed by the Border Toss. Chavo hits a Frog Splash to give Hernandez (the legal man) the pin on Daniels and the titles.

Rating: B. This was a good match from these six as you would expect, but it didn’t really get close to the other matches that the teams have had before. That has to be expected though and this was certainly entertaining. All the dives were great, but man alive someone is going to get hurt badly from one of them one day. Daniels and Kaz losing makes sense as they’ve done almost all they can with the belts at this point.

Chavo says that was for the fans and for Eddie.

We recap Tessmacher vs. Tara. Tara is the teacher, Tessmacher is the student, Tara snapped, you fill in the rest. Oh and Tara has some Hollywood boyfriend who is likely some reality TV schmuck.

Knockouts Title: Miss Tessmacher vs. Tara

Tess is defending. Tessmacher’s robe/jacket is on the ropes as we start. A quick crucifix gets no count for the champ. Teryn Terrell is referee again because…because…I have no idea why she’s still around actually. Tara gets sent to the floor and we get a chase scene. Tara hides behind the referee and we head right back to the floor where Tess gets dropped on the apron to give Tara the advantage.

Back in and the champ gets one on a sunset flip and it’s off to a chinlock by Tara. Tara whips her into the corner but charges into a boot followed by a DDT from Tessmacher to put both girls down. Tessmacher takes Tara down and nips right back up, followed by a top rope rana (decent one too) but Tara blocks the Tesshocker. Widow’s Peak and Tara gets the completely clean pin at 6:18.

Rating: D. The rana looked good and the girls looked good in their outfits, but thank goodness Tara won here. Tessmacher is just worthless as champion and hasn’t changed a bit since she won the belt the first time. Tara has had the belt before but at least she’s better than Tess, but most people would be.

Tara introduces the boyfriend: Jesse Godderz from Big Brother. To the shock of no one, there is zero reaction. He’s been training in OVW for like a year and has won five tag titles there. Tara and Jesse make out in the ring. Crowd: “WHO ARE YOU?”

We get a video from the Hall of Fame ceremony last night. Lex Luger inducted him, which is way better than Christian. Hogan dressed up in a t-shirt while everyone else was in suits. Sting talked about owning a gym in California and having Hulk Hogan working out there.

Aces and 8’s vs. Sting/Ray is No DQ.

We recap said tag match. Aces and 8’s is a motorcycle gang who has been terrorizing TNA for about four months now and tonight, there’s a match between Sting/Ray vs. two members of the team. If the masked men win, they get full access to the Impact Zone. If they lose, the whole group leaves forever. The whole mystery here is about who their leader is, but in theory we’re going to find out tonight. Anderson was going to be the partner of Sting but Aces and 8’s beat him up, resulting in Ray getting the spot instead.

Aces and 8’s vs. Sting/Bully Ray

Sting and Ray both have facepaint. Aces and 8’s have theme music now. They bring out Joseph Park who looks a bit near death. There are two members here, one in a plaid t-shirt and another in a black one. We’ll call plaid shirt #1 and black shirt #2. This is No DQ and a brawl starts on the floor. Sting fights #1 and Ray has some issues with #2. #2 seems to be the taller of the two.

Sting gets sent into the announce table as the fans chant for Bully. Sting and Ray double team #1 and the fans want tables. The Stinger Splash hits the barricade as it has all but one time that I can ever remember. #2 and Sting start in the ring with Sting in trouble. Off to #1 who hits a clothesline for two. Park is chained to the barricade at ringside. #2 hits another clothesline for another two on Sting.

A bit boot gets another two and Ray is starting to play cheerleader. Sting makes a fast comeback and tries the Scorpion but #1 breaks it up. A suplex is countered by Sting into the Death Drop but Sting doesn’t cover for some reason. Double tag brings in #2 and Ray with Ray cleaning house. A middle rope shoulder takes #2 down and the fans are way behind Ray. Ray double clotheslines them down and a splash gets two on #1.

#1 brings in a chair but Ray hits a big boot to stop the shot. A third Aces and 8’s guy, pretty clearly Wes Brisco, comes in and hits Ray low. Park gets spat on and breaks the chain off the barricade. He comes in and destroys the third guy before beating him up the ramp. The match breaks down and #2 gets caught in a Doomsday Device. Double splashes crush #2 in the corner again and it’s Table Time with Sting playing Bubba’s role. Ray gets the table but #1 pulls Sting to the floor. Another member of Aces and 8’s comes in and spinebusts Ray through the table to give #2 the pin at 10:51.

Rating: C. Not much of a match here but the point is that Aces and 8’s won. How this makes anything any different is beyond me but this story hasn’t made much sense in the entire time it’s been running. Hopefully we’ll get some more to this tonight because if this is it, then it’s going to feel flat. The match was pretty much fine.

The rest of the group comes in and beats down Sting/Ray until Hogan comes in for the save and marches through them all until only the guy that jumped Ray is left. Hogan cleans house and Sting is back up. They go for the mask….and it’s D-Von. Yes, D-VON. Fans: “This is awkward!”

Aries says Hardy needs to win this to complete his comeback. Tonight, Aries is coming in angry and that’s not good for Jeff.

We recap the world title match. Aries is jealous of Hardy, Hardy wants the title to complete his redemption.

TNA World Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Austin Aries

The fans are pretty much split which isn’t what they were hoping for I don’t think. We start with a long feeling out process and we have roughly half an hour for this. They head to the mat and Hardy actually keeps up with the champ (Aries is defending if I didn’t mention that) until they head to the corner for the slingshot dropkick. Aries comes back and puts Hardy on the apron for a slingshot ax handle. He takes a victory lap and then one in reverse.

Back in and Hardy gets two off a suplex. They’re still in first gear here and that’s fine. Jeff knocks Aries to the floor and mocks Aries. The fans don’t seem pleased with Jeff so he jumps off the apron with an ax handle of his own. Jeff charges at Aries but Hardy crashes into the barricade and hits Aries at the same time. Back in and Aries gets two off a top rope splash. Aries charges into a boot in the corner and the crowd is probably 80% pro Aries.

A backbreaker gets two for the champ and it’s off to an abdominal stretch on the mat. Aries takes him down again and hits a corkscrew plancha for two. Hardy blocks the Last Chancery and hits something Big Show used to call the Alley Oop. He sets for a powerbomb but throws Aries backwards instead of forwards. Show’s was a bit slower but it’s the same move. Hardy makes his comeback and hits the low dropkick for two.

Whisper in the Wind gets two and the fans have quieted down a bit. Twist of Fate is countered and Aries is knocked to the floor. Hardy misses a slingshot and there’s the suicide dive to drive Jeff into the barricade. Another dive takes Hardy out again with this one getting two in the ring. Aries is busted but nowhere near what Storm was earlier. There’s the Last Chancery but Jeff escapes quickly.

They head to the ramp and Jeff can’t hit the Twist, but rather gets clotheslined into the ropes. Aries drops him on his head, sending the back of Jeff’s head into the edge of the ramp. And people wonder why he’s a drug addict. A missile dropkick sends Jeff into the corner but he comes out with the Twist for two. Jeff loads up the Swanton but gets crotched and super ranaed down from a double standing position. That looked awesome. Corner dropkick sets up the Brainbuster for two and Aries is STUNNED. Aries puts Jeff on top but gets knocked off and the Swanton gives Jeff the title at 23:04.

Rating: B+. This was a good main event but after the Aces and 8’s stuff, this came off a bit flat. Also, TNA REALLY needs to mix up their main event styles. The kicking out of finishers and then the pin soon thereafter can only take you so far and they’ve done it for years now. Watch a few TNA PPV main events and the formulas are almost always the same. Hardy winning is the right choice but it doesn’t feel like a huge moment at all for the most part. Still though, a quite good match.

Hardy celebrates to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. Was this a great show? No. Was it their best show of the year? No. Was it good enough to be their biggest show of the year? Not really. What it was however was a quite enjoyable show, other than the big surprise which my jaw is still having issues closing over. The ending was the right call as Hardy had to win the title to send the fans home happy. There are a lot of ways they can go now, but unfortunately Impact is going to be ALL about D-Von and that pretty much freaking sucks.

I can’t get over that and if they thought the angle was going nowhere already, they’re in for a big surprise now. I don’t think he’s the leader, but man alive this is BOUND FOR GLORY, not Impact. It’s a good show overall though and it sets up a bunch of stuff for the future, but man alive I don’t know who went with D-Von as the surprise. Even as a regular member, which is what he likely is, who thought that was a good idea for BFG?

Results

Rob Van Dam b. Zema Ion – Frog Splash

Samoa Joe b. Magnus – Koquina Clutch

James Storm b. Bobby Roode – Last Call

Joey Ryan b. Al Snow – Pin after a Carbon Footprint from Matt Morgan

Hernandez/Chavo Guerrero Jr. b. AJ Styles/Kurt Angle and Christopher Daniels/Kazarian – Hernandez pinned Daniels after a Frog Splash from Guerrero

Tara b. Miss Tessmacher – Widow’s Peak

Aces and 8’s b. Sting/Bully Ray – Ray was pinned after a spinebuster through a table

Jeff Hardy b. Austin Aries – Swanton Bomb

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