On This Day: May 22, 1982 – Philadelphia House Show: A Brutal Show For A Brutal Crowd

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Date: February 22, 1982
Location: Philadelphia Spectrum, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 11,513
Commentators: Dick Graham, Kal Rudman

Here’s a show from an era that you don’t often hear from. This is during the Backlund is champion era and is one of the many house show cities that had its own TV show. In other words, this show was filmed and aired on TV in the Philadelphia market. Snuka is making his Philly debut tonight and Backlund is facing Bob Orton, presumably for the title. Let’s get to it.

The announcers talk about the show for awhile. They sound nothing like what most wrestling announcers do and I’m not sure if I like that or not. There’s talk of some new hold called the Crossface Chickenwing.

We get a clip from last month of Tony Atlas vs. Jesse Ventura. Jesse is controlling with a full nelson but misses an elbow drop. Atlas comes back to dropkick him to the floor and Atlas goes after him. Jesse rams Tony into the table and busts him open then slides in to win by countout. Atlas wants to keep up the fight but Jesse runs. The full match ran 15 minutes apparently but we only got about three here. There’s a cage match later between these two.

Gary Michael Capetta is the ring announcer. For some reason he gets booed.

Charlie Fulton vs. Larry Sharpe

Sharpe is far more famous as the trainer of Bam Bam Bigelow, Raven and Big Show among a lot more. He’s a pretty boy in white. Sharpe jumps Fulton to start and knocks him to the floor and it takes awhile for Charlie to get back in. Sharpe throws him back out to the floor again as Fulton is looking pretty awful here. Fulton comes back in with right hands and grabs the arm.

Sharpe headbutts him in the ribs and takes over again. Fulton is a guy that never really went anywhere so I’m curious as to whether he’s a jobber here or not. Fulton comes back with nothing but punches and is kicked in the face on a backdrop attempt. Sharpe goes up but gets slammed down. Since Fulton can’t manage to make a sandwich without getting beaten up, Sharpe throws him into the ropes to take over (as in Sharpe whipped him in and Fulton hit them chest first and fell down) and hits a piledriver to end this.

Rating: F+. What was that? Fulton was TERRIBLE out there and looked like a jobber that didn’t realize he was a jobber. Sharpe didn’t do much better but he looked like he was far better out there and the bigger deal. Also that wasn’t a bad piledriver. This was a very strange match though as it was like a squash that went awkwardly.

Sharpe says his conditioning is bad so that’s why it took so long. That’s not something you often hear.

Baron Mikel Scicluna vs. Pete Sanchez

The Baron is in the WWE Hall of Fame for some reason, despite most people having no idea who he is. He’s a heel here and the announcer says he’ll probably use a foreign object. He’s from Malta so if it’s a Maltese object is that really foreign? We start with a bearhug on Sanchez which isn’t a normal starting move. Sanchez grabs a headlock and Baron looks bored. Baron hides in the corner and might have pulled out an object.

The referee stops to check him for weapons but doesn’t find one. Baron goes to the corner with his back to the ring again and again the referee checks him. Where would he have gotten an object in between there? Pete grabs a wristlock and the referee kicks Baron’s arm off the ropes. He then makes the FASTEST COUNT EVER but Baron gets his shoulder up. That would be a heel turn move today.

We play hide the object again and apparently there is one in existence but the referee can’t find it. Typical. Baron almost shoves the referee but that isn’t a DQ. Baron chops him down and I kid you not, he looks like he’s in slow motion. Pete takes over and kicks him very low but it’s also not a DQ. Baron pulls out the object, holds it in the air like he found it in a Hylian dungeon and hits Pete in the throat with it for the pin.

Rating: D-. This show is three and a half hours long. Oh what have I gotten myself into? The wrestling in the early 80s was….how do I put this nicely……REALLY BAD. It’s mostly punches and kicks here and the whole foreign object bit. We get the idea but that was the whole match. To be fair though, it’s 1982 and this is the second match on a card and it runs 8 minutes. I’m probably overreacting here, but it’s still pretty boring.

Pete finds the object post match and drills Baron with it.

One of the announcers says hi to a fan that Backlund has talked to who is too sick to be able to come to a show. Cool.

Swede Hanson vs. Laurent Soucie

Now there’s a new announcer who must be in his mid 70s. Swede tries to control with a top wristlock to start and takes it to the mat controlling the arm. And never mind as they break it up quickly. Here’s the basic story of the match: Swede tries to put a hold on him, Laurent runs away. Laurent hits him with a forearm and Swede looks annoyed. Apparently Swede has a habit of slapping people in the face. Well that’s just rude of him. In a really sudden and different ending, Swede grabs a backbreaker and bends Laurent over his knee, which gets a submission.

Rating: D. Well they’re getting better. Not a good match or anything but it’s a step up over the other two dismal performances we saw earlier tonight. This show is somehow almost forty minutes in now and it’s been dreadful. Swede was another generic bad guy which is getting a little tiresome.

Mr. Saito vs. Johnny Rodz

Saito is a Japanese guy and Rodz is supposed to be nuts. He trained a ton of ECW guys, namely Dreamer, Taz and the Dudleys. Saito jumps him to start and I think Rodz is the heel here. Rodz is in trouble but does the equivalent of Hulking Up and shrugs Saito off. He grabs a headlock and cranks on that sucker. A middle rope elbow to the head is followed by a second one and Saito is in trouble.

Back to the headlock and Saito tries to crawl over the ropes to escape. That’s quite a headlock. Saito comes back with a superkick and a middle rope chop to the shoulder. Here’s a nerve hold and Rodz’s arms start shaking. Saito strikes away in the corner but misses a charge to allow Rodz to hammer away. Rodz tries an O’Connor roll out of the corner but Saito ducks, sending Rodz’s head into the corner which gets the pin. Well you can’t say they’re overused finishes.

Rating: C-. It might be because of how weak the first three matches were but I was getting into Rodz’ energy out there. He wasn’t doing much else besides punching but sometimes that’s all you need to do. Not a good match or anything and we had another unusual ending but it’s by far the most entertaining match of the night so far.

Intercontinental Title: Pedro Morales vs. Jimmy Snuka

Snuka has only been around for a few months at this point but the fans are loving him, despite him being a heel. The announcers aren’t sure what to do with him because they know he’s popular but he’s supposed to be the evil savage. He has a thing for flowers apparently. Snuka wrestles barefoot which is another thing that made him different. The fans here are split which is a weird sight.

They fight over a top wristlock to start and Snuka complains of a hair pull. Snuka takes it to the mat with arm control and Dick Worhle is the referee. He died a few days ago so that’s kind of sad to see. Now Snuka pulls the hair to keep the advantage. See how easy a heel move that is? Such little things like that one are just lost in modern wrestling.

Snuka runs him over and headbutts Pedro down as the fans applaud. Now keep in mind: Pedro is a very popular guy. He held the IC Title forever and was a former world champion. However, Snuka was a totally different kind of guy and the fans, especially the Philly crazy people, took notice and loved him. Pedro is in trouble and gets knocked to the floor by a forearm. All Snuka so far.

Out to the floor and Pedro goes into the apron. Back in and Pedro is almost knocked right back out. Off to a chinlock for a few moments and Pedro FINALLY gets up. He hits his first decent offense of the match in the form of a backdrop but Snuka takes him right back down again. A middle rope headbutt half kills Pedro and you would think that Snuka was the top guy in the company based on the fans’ reactions.

That only gets two though and Snuka has a headache from the headbutt. Pedro grabs the face and works it over (that’s not something I’m used to typing) and starts his comeback. He hits his big left and Jimmy looks like he’s dancing. Out to the floor and Snuka tastes the steel. A BIG left hand sends Snuka flying into the ropes. Snuka rakes the eyes which doesn’t really do much good. Pedro hits a knee to the chin and then shoves the referee because of that firey Latin temper of him. Now Pedro throws him to the floor and it’s a LAME DQ.

Rating: C+. Well it wasn’t a classic or anything as Pedro was way too fond of just throwing the left hand but the crowd was very energetic for this as they were both very popular guys. Notice that the match is very similar to the rest of them but the names are bigger. There wasn’t much variety in this era and it shows badly at times.

Pedro throws the referee down again and again. Snuka nails Worhle and the brawl continues. Out to the floor and Snuka goes into the post. They KEEP FIGHTING and Snuka headbutts both Morales and the referee at the same time. Snuka finally leaves and the fans aren’t pleased with Pedro. Cool brawl though. Morales is mad about the brawl and says bring Jimmy on again anytime.

Steve Travis vs. Blackjack Mulligan

Mulligan is Barry Windham’s dad and Husky Harris’ grandfather. He’s also about the size of the Undertaker so this is a painful match for Travis. Travis is thrown to the floor and gos into the post quickly. Back in Travis charges into a knee in the corner and Mulligan hooks the Claw around the throat. Travis manages to get in some offense to send Mulligan to the outside where he takes a quick walk. Back in Mulligan hooks the Claw in a nerve hold and Travis is in trouble again. Steve elbows his way out of it but walks into a back elbow as he runs the ropes which gets Blackjack the pin.

Rating: D-. Just an observation here, but you don’t see a lot of near falls at all. The fans spent most of the match chanting for Andre because of a battle of the giants thing going on but he never showed up. The Blackjacks were old school heels in the black hat wearing cowboy attire but they were pretty effective back then.

Mulligan berates the commentators post match because no one knows what he’ll do next so there’s no point in talking about him. Can I introduce you to a Mr. Michael Cole? Oh and he’s the real giant because he’s AMERICAN. He’ll just take all of Andre’s deals and contracts while he’s at it.

WWF World Title: Bob Backlund vs. Bob Orton Jr.

This is Orton’s return it seems. This is called the main event despite three more matches after this. Backlund outmoves him to start and trips Orton easily. Orton, a very good scientific wrestler in his own right, can’t keep up with Backlund at all and almost gets sent to the floor because he can’t even stand up when Backlund goes after him. There’s an abdominal stretch by the champ but Orton escapes.

Backlund hooks a top wristlock so Orton braces against the referee to backflip out of it. The champ trips him immediately but it was a cool visual. We get a test of strength and Backlund monkey flips him over but maintains the grip. Off to a bodyscissors as this is all Backlund so far but he’s not doing much damage. Instead he’s getting in Orton’s head which is a lot more interesting.

Backlund fakes him out on two monkey flips so Orton tries an elbow. Backlund avoids THAT and Orton is ticked off so he heads to the outside to cool off a bit. Backlund looks awesome so far. Orton tries an armdrag and is IMMEDIATELY taken into a headscissors. Backlund is so fast. I just realized they’re both named Bob so I had to go back and edit that name out. Pinfall reversal sequence results in a backslide for two for Backlund.

Orton wants a handshake and actually doesn’t sucker Backlund in. They go to the ropes and Backlund gives him a clean break but the Cowboy doesn’t, smashing Backlund with an elbow. Out to the floor and Backlund goes into the steel as Orton takes over. Backlund gets whipped over the railing and may have hurt his back. Somehow he’s not counted out so Orton stomps on him some more.

Here comes the superplex which is Orton’s finisher. Why can’t more people use basic moves like that and have them be built up as finishers? Anyway Backlund breaks that up and hits a middle rope forearm to knock Orton into the corner. Backlund hooks a suplex and pounds on Orton. Orton is in big trouble and rolls to the floor. Back inside and Backlund hits a not that great piledriver for two.

Orton comes back with a belly to back suplex and both guys are down. They slug it out from their knees and Orton gets his knee up in the corner to take Backlund down. Orton goes lucha and tries a Vader Bomb but it gets knees. Backlund knocks him to the floor which doesn’t last long as Backlund knees him in the head and dropkicks him right back to the floor. Now Orton is running which is where we get to the interesting part of Backlund which I’ll get to later. Out to the floor and Orton finds a rope from somewhere to choke Backlund with and the champ misses the count, giving Orton the win.

Rating: B. This was a very fun match as Backlund was the guy who was rather uninteresting until he was pushed to the edge when he would blow everyone away like he did here with Orton. He’s a fun guy to watch and would be even better in stuff like Texas Death Matches where his back was to the wall and he had to fight for everything he had, which he could do quite well. Fun match and by far the best of the night so far.

They put the cage up for Ventura vs. Atlas.

The announcers say Orton should go back to the NWA because he’s not ready for the WWF. Now there’s a line you might never hear again.

We get a sitdown interview with Jesse Ventura who talks about how awesome the East-West Connection (Ventura/Adrian Adonis) are. They’re in People Magazine according to Jesse. There’s no place to hide in a cage and after Ventura has beaten Atlas in everything else, a cage is the last place for them.

Tony Atlas says he’s not going to let Ventura up, which goes against what his daddy taught him but it’s ok here. He’s not worried about the blood either. This interviewer is really bad. They also talk about Rocky 3 and Hulk Hogan (I didn’t think he’d be mentioned at this point) and then they talk about Mr. T. being a wrestler. Nah that would never work.

Now the announcers talk about whatever they can to fill in time while the cage is finished. They talk about Backlund vs. Orton for a long time and show some clips of it to show how awesome Backlund is.

Jesse Ventura vs. Tony Atlas

In a cage in case you’re really dense. Ventura wants a referee in there with him. Yeah see back in the 80s, you didn’t win by some lame pin. You had to get out and leave your opponent in there to win. Jesse stalls forever and tries to escape almost immediately. Atlas gets his hands on him and chops him down before ramming Jesse into the cage. A headbutt puts Jesse down and this is one sided so far.

Ventura gets in a shot but Atlas blocks the shot into the cage. The second attempt works though and Tony is down. Things slow way down as Tony is busted open. Jesse goes up but comes back inside instead of leaving. I’ve heard a lot about how Jesse isn’t the best in ring worker ever but he was a human heat machine and could get a crowd worked up as well as any heel on the roster. That seems to be the case here as the action is awful but Jesse plays to the crowd like a master.

After a very slow beating Jesse goes up but Atlas makes the save. Jesse gets pulled down off the top and might be bleeding a bit as well. He tastes the steel and sells like a master. Then he does it again. And again. Man that’s a serious cut on Jesse. He gets in a shot and Atlas is down again. Jesse goes up and poses but Atlas climbs the cage in what must be record time to climb out and win.

Rating: C-. The selling was good, but the cage felt more like it was hurting them, as they had to find a way to incorporate it. The high amount of punches and forearms got old too which made the match dull. The ton of blood helps though, although the ending sucked with Atlas just leaving instead of beating Jesse down and then leaving.

Jesse calls conspiracy.

Here are the Official Wrestling Ratings.

10.Jay Strongbow
9. Ivan Putski
8. Tony Atlas
7. Bob Orton
6. Adrian Adonis
5. Greg Valentine
4. Pedro Morales
3. Jesse Ventura
2. Black Jack Mulligan
1. Jimmy Snuka

Jimmy Snuka, sounding much more coherent than usual, says he’s from the Fiji Islands and raised in Hawaii. The interviewer compares him to Antonino Rocca (Look him up) and we see some clips of Snuka. Apparently cliff diving prepared Snuka for what he does now. Jimmy talks about working in a gym in Hawaii and getting involved in wrestling. This is a lot more like a real interview rather than a promo. The WWF is tough but he wants to be champion. He’s not coming off as heelish here at all.

Here’s a video package on various wrestlers set to way too happy music.

Mr. Fuji vs. Rick McGraw

Fuji is a tag champion. Feeling out process to start and Fuji grabs the evil nerve hold. That eats up like two minutes until McGraw throws him into the corner and punches away. And never mind as he misses a dive and Fuji ties him up in the ropes. He chokes away and that’s a DQ win for McGraw.

Rating: F. This is one of the final matches on the show and it’s kind of like the last half hour of Saturday Night Live: they have the time to fill but they’ve used up all their good stuff so here’s something boring that still qualifies as professional wrestling so you can’t sue us for false advertising.

We hear about an upcoming battle royal. Some of the entrants are listed and I’ve reviewed that match before for Best of the WWF Volume 4. Also Backlund vs. Orton in a lumberjack match.

Ivan Putski vs. Adrian Adonis

LONG stall before the match start as Adrian wants to stay in the corner a bit. With his jacket still on he jumps Putski and ties Ivan up with the jacket. There’s an atomic drop and a knee drop off the middle rope. Putski is holding his groin due to the atomic drop from earlier. Back in the ring and Adonis hooks a sleeper. That gets two arm drops but Putski stands up and rams Adonis’ face into the corner. Adrian goes up but gets crotched. Putski goes off on him but Adonis goes to the eyes to escape. He tries a sunset flip but Putski sits on the chest for the pin.

Rating: D. Another bad match here but I think this is the last one on the card. This was just like the previous match but with bigger names in it. Adonis would be a somewhat big time heel for awhile before becoming too fat to tie his own shoes. Putski got old in a hurry and didn’t really do much other than be an ethnic face.

The announcers talk for about seven minutes to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. This is a hard one to grade. Some of the good matches are ok with the world title match being quite good, but three and a half hours is WAY too much for this, especially with how weak some of these matches were. It’s amazing how much different the Hogan era is as he blew up the whole idea of what pro wrestling was before he arrived and it changed things. Whether that’s for the better I’ll leave it up to you.

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Superstars of Wrestling – September 27, 1986: Piper’s Gonna Kill You

Superstars of Wrestling
Date: September 27, 1986
Location: Baltimore Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Attendance: 7000
Commentators: Bruno Sammartino, Jesse Ventura, Vince McMahon

Back for another episode in this series and the main attraction this week is the debate/likely fight between the Flower Shop of Adrian Adonis and Piper’s Pit of Roddy Piper. Other than that I wouldn’t expect much more than a bunch of squashes, but at least they’re short and get things done with quickly. Let’s get to it.

Usual opening stuff.

Harley Race vs. Mike Kelly

Kelly would once again be Shane Douglas. That’s the good thing about jobbers: no one cares enough to remember their faces. Race beats him up like Shane is some loudmouthed guy that had one famous moment and was then made into some kind of hero in a glorified indy company because he threw down a title that didn’t mean anything and has tried to make a career out of that for almost twenty years since because he simply wasn’t good enough to make it big anywhere else but a dying WCW who would take ANYBODY. Fisherman’s suplex ends this quick.

Ricky Steamboat is in Hawaii. Fighting ninjas. Yeah that’s what he’s doing alright. This is really campy as the ninjas are in full fledged ninja gear and look about as effective as Foot Soldiers from TMNT 2.

Billy Graham talks about his big return tonight. He and Jesse have a bit of an argument about who influenced who.

Bob Bradley vs. Billy Graham

What is with this Bradley guy? I’ve never seen him before and then he’s in three of the four shows I do. This is Graham’s first WWF match in three years after going to the NWA for awhile and becoming a karate master. Vince freaks when Graham takes his shirt off, shocking no one. It’s a former world champion’s first match in three years. What do you think is going to happen here? Bearhug ends it in less than a minute and a half. Graham wouldn’t have another WWF match for almost a year.

Heenan’s team isn’t worried about the Machines.

Tony Parks vs. Kamala

I don’t see this going well for Parks. Maybe we can get Joseph to help him? The Wizard talks about Kamala wanting Hogan. The announcers debate why Kamala beats on his stomach as the beating begins. Vince asks why someone like Parks would sign on for a match like this. That’s a really good question. Shouldn’t you hold out for a lower level opponent? A top rope splash finishes the murder.

Boston house show ad which we’ve heard about for almost a month now. Tito says he’s going to take care of Race and says a lot of stuff in Spanish.

Time for the Pit vs. Shop. Piper gets a big ovation and Adonis is booed out of the arena. His guest is Bob Orton who thinks Adonis’ show is better. Piper walks onto the set of the Flower Shop and goes off on Orton, saying that he was nothing without Piper. Piper says Orton sold out and tells the cameraman to come to the Pit which gets a big ovation. His guest is Muraco who can’t remember the name of the show he’s on. He was the guest host of the Body Shop in Ventura’s absence.

Adonis comes over to keep arguing but gets sent away by Piper. Muraco doesn’t like the kilt and Adonis comes back to talk about flowers some more. Piper gives him some underwear and Muraco yells about not getting enough attention. He says this is a cartoon. I think he’s got the wrong studio. Hulk Hogan’s Rock N Wrestling is down the street. Muraco yells about how much better Adonis’ show is so Piper calls him fatso. It finally gets to the violence with Adonis breaking a flower pot over his head and beating on Piper’s bad leg with a chair. They destroy the set and cover Piper’s face with lipstick. Great beatdown.

Slick says he has a surprise for us.

William Tabb vs. Butch Reed

Here’s the surprise. The shoulder block and a gutbuster get the pin in about a minute.

Tito Santana vs. Jimmy Jack Funk

Tito takes him down with the armdrags and into an armbar to start. Vince points out that Miguel Alonzo and Pedro Morales are doing Spanish commentary. Alonzo died about two days before this was written so his name is in my head somewhat. Dropkick puts Funk on the apron but he comes back with a shot to the ribs to take over. Funk stands on his throat then hits a neckbreaker for two. Tito suplexes out of the second attempt at one and pounds Funk down so that the figure four can end it.

Rating: C+. For a three and a half minute match, this was really pretty entertaining. We had a nice back and forth match here with Tito getting a win after he had to work for it a bit. That’s probably too high of a rating but given how little we get on this show that can be rated, it’s hard to not overrated it.

Boston stuff, this time with the Machines saying they’re not worried about Piper’s injury. Steele pops in and says Animal Rules vs. Savage. He means No DQ. The match wound up being like four minutes.

Some wrestlers try to get Piper medical attention but he goes psycho and won’t let them.

The announcers wrap it up and we’re done.

Overall Rating: C+. This was one of the more entertaining shows that they’ve had in awhile. We got a big angle with Piper vs. Adonis which would be a very fun one indeed. Other than that the matches were ok with the debut of Reed and a decent main event. For Superstars, that’s a pretty good show.

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Best of the WWF Volume 10 – The Squash is the Best Match Here

Best of the WWF Volume 10
Host: Gene Okerlund
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Alfred Hayes, Gene Okerlund

It’s that time again, although I’m rapidly running out of these that I can find copies of. This is from late 86, which wasn’t a good time for the company. The one good thing on here is Piper returning and his feud with Adrian Adonis, which is old school Piper at his crazy best. The rest….eh I’ve been surprised before. Let’s get to it.

That Coliseum Video intro. I dig it.

Gene does the intro and you can see Wrestlemania 2 playing in the background. This isn’t looking good for us people.

Ricky Steamboat/Junkyard Dog/Haiti Kid vs. Jimmy Jack Funk/Hoss Funk/Jimmy Hart

Haiti Kid is a midget wrestler. Gorilla says it’ll be a classic and I don’t see myself agreeing. Jack (can’t call him Jimmy here) and Steamboat start us off. Ricky controls early and speeds things up. I think we’re in Boston here if you’re interested. Jimmy (for the sake of simplicity, when I say Jimmy I mean Hart) comes in and all three “good” guys swarm him. We then get a sequence which can only be described as a dog picking up a midget and throwing him at a man wearing a Lone Ranger mask.

Off to Hoss (Dory Jr.) vs. the Dog. Let the stalling begin. Steamboat comes in again and this is still completely one sided. He clears the ring again and we stall some more. Jack FINALLY gets some offense in to give him team a break. Hoss’ piledriver is countered into a backdrop as is his suplex into a suplex. Small package gets two for Ricky. Jack comes in and hammers away a bit. There’s not much of a point in listing off what happens here because it’s exactly what you would expect I’d presume.

Dragon finally gets in a chop to Hoss and brings in the Dog. He and Hoss go down and Jimmy and Haiti Kid remind us they’re alive by doing a quick and pointless chase. By quick, I mean about two seconds. Dog and Hoss move for about ten seconds so it’s time for a double clothesline. Dog needed a nap. Jack knocks Dog down so here’s Jimmy to a bit pop. Dog no sells it and Jimmy PANICS. The Kid comes in and everything breaks down. Dory hits Dog with the Megaphone and takes out the Kid so Jimmy can pin the tiny one.

Rating: D. When a manager and a midget get by far and away the biggest reactions of the match, you can kind of tell that something is wrong with your match. It was more or less a tag team match with interfering managers. That being said, it wasn’t a good tag match which really hurt things here. Boring match and REALLY long.

Tito Santana vs. Bob Orton

This is around the time when Orton is siding with Adrian Adonis so he’s even more hated since it was arguable that Adonis was the most hated heel in the company (not top heel, most hated. There’s a difference.). Gorilla says Tito has Excellence of Execution. We’re in Boston again here. They exchange basic stuff to start and hit the mat. Clipped to talking about Terry Garvin and that’s not going to go well.

Orton hits a hip toss and a slow flying headscissors. He misses a dive in the corner though and kind of crotches himself. Tito sends him to the floor because he’s not a nice person at times. Back in a jackknife cover gets two for Santana. This is shaping up to be LONG. Tito throwing on an armbar would seem to confirm my theory. Clipped again to later in the armbar so you know this is going to last awhile.

Orton gets up and just pounds him down as the fans boo. Backslide gets one for Tito and it’s back to the arm. As the fans’ eyes begin to close, Orton finally wakes them up a bit with an atomic drop. His shoulder hits the post though and so it’s back to the arm. Bob sends him to the floor to make this slow down even more. Santana gets thrown into a barricade and knocks it over.

Tito gets draped on the rope coming back in and Orton walks around even slower. And now we go to a chinlock. Grrrrrreat. Thankfully Tito atomic drops out of it and they both fall down. And then Bob grabs it right back. Tito punches him down and grabs the leg. He works it over a bit and here’s the Figure Four. After Orton gets the rope, Tito sets for the headknocker but takes a head to the balls (at least it’s a complete set) and Bob takes over again. They slug it out and the bell rings for a time limit draw. Apparently this ran 30 minutes.

Rating: D+. It’s ok but that’s just it: there’s nothing interesting here at all. They do a little bit of something and then they do a little bit of something else. They repeat this for the twenty minutes that we see of it. I don’t want to imagine what would have happened here if this was shown in full. What does this prove to anyone? That’s why you don’t see many of these that often. Also, this is proof that simply going 30 or 60 minutes as so many old guys claim to have done, doesn’t mean it’s any good.

The Machines vs. Big John Studd/King Kong Bundy

LONG story here that eventually helped set up Hogan vs. Andre. Giant Machine isn’t here though so there’s no point in listing it off. The Machines are Big Machine and Super Machine, or some combination of Axe from Demolition and Blackjack Lanza. Bundy hammers on let’s say Giant Machine. Heenan got run off early in the match and jumps in on commentary here.

While he rambles, Studd gets hammered down. Off to Bundy and Hayes thinks Studd is injured. He and Lanza collide and no one goes anywhere. Instead they hit each other and Bundy goes back into the corner. Avalanche misses and Team Heenan isn’t doing that well. Axe comes in (the announcers don’t know their names either) and pounds on Studd but gets blasted in the head to shift momentum.

Bundy and Studd collide in the corner and Heenan has to play peacemaker. Axe almost splashes Lanza but puts the brakes on. Studd pops him in the back of the head from the apron to shift momentum again. Studd goes for the mask but Lanza makes the save. Hot tag brings in Lanza and everything breaks down. Lanza hits a jumping back elbow for a very delayed two. Delayed because Heenan is late running in for the DQ so the referee basically just stops before the three.

Rating: D+. These matches were meant to be fun, but when you didn’t have the Giant in there it really hurt things. Not a good match or anything, but it wasn’t particularly meant to be. They did their thing here and the ending hut it a lot, but that doesn’t make it a good match. Still it’s old school fun though so I can’t complain much here.

Tag Titles: Dream Team vs. US Express

This is the Rotundo/Spivey version. The Dream Team has the tag titles but I don’t think they’re on the line here. Ok so they are. That works too. Rotundo gets beaten on by the champions but he speeds things up to get out of trouble. He gets his knees up in the corner and works over the arm. The good guys do the blind tag thing because faces in wrestling are usually evil. As Spivey gets beaten down the Dream Team tries the same thing and get thrown out. See? Heels aren’t heels because they’re evil. They’re heels because they get mistreated.

Rotunda vs. Valentine at the moment with Mike missing an elbow to give the champions the advantage. Valentine beats on him a bit until he gets caught in the Arn Anderson holding the arm down to the mat then jump crotch first onto the knees spot. Was that a Mid-Atlantic thing? Beefcake gets a sleeper on Mike but it gets countered pretty quickly. Greg breaks up the tag attempt and goes after the leg.

Now I know the Figure Four was a Mid-Atlantic thing. I’m still not sure on the crotching spot but you see it enough that it almost has to be. We finally get the hot tag when the Figure Four doesn’t work so it’s off to Spivey to clean house. For some reason the challengers tag twice after Spivey comes in. To no shock Rotundo got beaten up quickly so it was back to Spivey. The champs try to cheat but it can’t get the pin. Beefcake counters a rollup into a very sloppy looking one, grabs the furry boots (What is with those? So many people use them and I still don’t get the point) and gets the clean pin.

Rating: C-. The match was ok but I have no idea what the point was in having the challengers get beat that cleanly. It looked pretty bad as Spivey pretty clearly could have kicked out but didn’t. There was something a few seconds earlier though that looked a bit botched, so maybe that wasn’t the planned ending.

Brutus Beefcake vs. Billy Jack Haynes

Luscious John steals Jack’s hat so Beefcake can take an early advantage. I think we’re in MSG here. Brutus takes over due to the hat thing and uses his bare bones stuff to take over. At this point he was really boring and VERY limited. He also had the same style haircut as my cousin Sharon, which is a knock on him and not her. Haynes counters a suplex into one of his own and both guys are down.

This is one of those house show matches that is on a house show for a reason. There’s nothing interesting at all and the guys in there aren’t really all that interested in cranking things up past the bare minimum. Haynes gets a clothesline to take over again and my goodness END THIS ALREADY. He hits a splash to the knees but apparently it doesn’t hurt him as he covers for two anyway. And then Luscious John (Beefcake’s manager if that wasn’t clear) trips Haynes for the DQ.

Rating: D-. I liked Beefcake when I was a kid but MAN was this boring. They weren’t interesting at all and the fans weren’t really interested either. Neither guy was anything of note and they were only there to fill in about ten minutes on the card. At least it’s over though and we have to move on to something better right?

Islanders vs. Jimmy Jack Funk/Mr. X

Seriously, THIS IS THE BEST OF THE WWF??? This is the Islanders’ debut. We also have a female referee. X vs. Tama to start us off. Tama runs him off and it’s Funk in now. Ok back to X and Haku. The Islanders are faces here due to not being in the Heenan Family yet. Backbreaker gets two for Haku and this referee counts slow. Back to Tama vs. Funk and they mess up a backdrop as Funk stops, then gets backdropped.

Funk hits Tama in the back while he’s hitting the ropes to take over. This is already boring me, which is the running theme of this tape and arguably this series. Tama gets beaten down for awhile as this match is going WAY too long for a debut. Jack hits a shoulder breaker and middle rope fist drop for two. It was nice of Tama to scoot closer to the ropes for Jack to hit him.

Tama finally escapes a neckbreaker into a snap (minus the snap) suplex to put both guys down. Oh come on just get to the tag so we can get to end of this already. They tag but the referee doesn’t see it. I love that but NOT IN TEN MINUTE DEBUTS! Tama ducks a clothesline and then a double clothesline puts both guys down. FINALLY Haku gets the tag and cleans house before bringing Tama back in for a splash RVD would be jealous of for the pin after nearly 13 minutes.

Rating: D. This was their debut. If you want a team to be impressive in their debut, you make it a squash. You don’t make it a match that lasted longer than most main events would go. They beat up jobbers in their debut, but the WWF managed to screw this up. How could they manage to do that???

Roddy Piper vs. AJ Petrucci

AJ is a jobber who looks like a combination of Tugboat and Akeem but even less memorable. This is Piper’s big return and MAN is he over. This is from Superstars. AJ slaps him so Piper puts one hand behind his back for the rest of the match and beats the tar out of him. This is the crazy fired up Piper that is just AWESOME. This is awesome stuff with Piper giving him a brutal beating with all kinds of strikes and never taking his arm from behind his back except for at the end for a double axe to the face to end it. Total squash but AWESOME.

Now we get to the BIG angle of this time. Piper had left for awhile, I think to film some movies, and comes back to host the Pit. But the Pit is gone and Adrian Adonis has his own show called The Flower Shop. He also has Bob Orton, Piper’s former bodyguard, in a pink hat as the new bodyguard. They break Piper’s leg with a chair so Piper limps out (in wrestling trunks for some reason) and DESTROYS the Flower Shop with a ball bat. Adonis jumped Piper on the set of the Pit and put him to sleep. Then Piper ran in on an Adonis match and the locker room had to empty to break them up.

Roddy Piper vs. Don Muraco

Muraco is an Adonis crony. Piper jumps him to start and he’s WAY over. He was easily the second most popular guy in the company at this point. Muraco has a beard here which doesn’t work on him at all. They go to the floor and Piper slams him into a chair. Piper bites him coming back in and then gets him tied up in the ropes.

There’s a bulldog for no cover. There are cops walking around in the front row for some reason. Muraco sends him to the floor and Fuji gets in a shot to take Piper down a few pegs. Piper gets sent into the post and is busted. I can’t actually see it but Gorilla said it and Gorilla wouldn’t lie. Back in now and Piper spears him down to take over. Oh yeah it’s dripping off his face. Muraco is busted too.

This is a total brawl now. Muraco swings away but you don’t do that to Piper. He takes over with punches and hits a suplex for two. Fuji pokes Piper with the cane to shift momentum one more time. They’re both bleeding a ton. Fuji tries to interfere again but Muraco accidentally knees him to the floor and Piper rolls up Muraco for the pin.

Rating: B-. Fun brawl here which is what Piper was best at. He could go out there and have a totally wild brawl but his charisma was more than enough to carry him to a good match. Well maybe fun is the better term that good but you get the idea. This of course all culminated with the hair vs. hair match at Mania with Piper vs. Adonis.

Overall Rating: D. This was a pretty dull tape and a lot of that is due to a combination of match selection and the era in which its set. This was a bad time for the WWF as other than the main event which had Orndorff vs. Hogan (not mentioned here) there wasn’t much going on. The midcard was dominated by Savage and Steamboat was out injured or was about to be. Weak tape.

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