Monday Night Raw – May 13, 1996: The First of Way Too Many
Monday Night Raw Date: May 13, 1996 Location: Sioux City Auditorium, Sioux City, Iowa
Attendance: 4,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler
Maybe this one can pick things up a bit. Last week’s show was about as uninteresting as you can get as we head towards In Your House VIII and the showdown of Shawn Michaels vs. British Bulldog. The story behind the match is Shawn allegedly sleeping with Bulldog’s wife, which is hardly something that’s going to make me want to pay for a show. Let’s get to it.
Zip vs. Ahmed Johnson
Before the match, Sunny rubs oil on Ahmed’s chest until he calls her trash. Ahmed flips him over to start and scores with some clotheslines but has to stop and yell at Sunny. The BodyDonnas switch places despite THE FACT THAT THEY DON’T LOOK THAT MUCH ALIKE! An electric chair plants Skip and the second switch is caught, allowing Ahmed to finish Skip with the Pearl River Plunge. So Ahmed just basically squashed the Tag Team Champions without blinking an eye.
The Ultimate Warrior, without face paint and talking in a normal voice, shills Warrior University. No, this isn’t an angle and no, no one ever graduated from the school.
Duke Droese vs. Vader
Jim Cornette is on commentary as Vader swats at Duke’s head. Duke actually comes back with a big boot and a crossbody to put both guys on the floor. Back from a break with Vader running him over to restore balance to the universe. A splash sets up a chinlock of all things as this is going WAY longer than it should. Vader gets caught in a jawbreaker for the escape, followed by some clotheslines and a dropkick to put Vader down. A top rope splash misses though and it’s the Vader Bomb to give, well, Vader of course, the pin.
Rating: D. Who in the world thought Vader needed to give up that much offense? Just like last week’s tag match, it’s very clear that this company’s talent pool is just gone right now. Other than the top of the card, the whole company feels like whoever they can throw out there for the sake of filling in the card.
Here are Paul Bearer and Undertaker with the gold casket. See what I mean? The best they can do is Goldust vs. Undertaker. How thrilling is that really supposed to be? Bearer talks about Goldust loving the spotlight so one will shine on the casket after In Your House. Cue Goldust and Marlena to interrupt so Undertaker removes his hat. Goldust hits on Undertaker (“What is that scent? Embalming fluid #5?”) and quotes movie lines to suggest he’d enjoy being in a casket with Undertaker.
Mankind comes in and Claws Undertaker, allowing Goldust to grind on Undertaker’s body and then lick his face. That means choking from the Dead Man as this is just WAY over the top and horrible, meaning Goldust was almost forced to change. He’s not bizarre anymore but rather molesting people against their will.
Justin Hawk Bradshaw vs. Aldo Montoya
Of note during the opening: Vince plugs a house show in Madison Square Garden, which would wind up being the Curtain Call. Aldo tries his jobber offense to start as Bradshaw’s manager Uncle Zebekiah (Zeb Colter) gets on commentary to ask why Bradshaw isn’t getting a shot at Shawn Michaels. A good looking gutwrench powerbomb plants Aldo and it’s off to the bearhug. Aldo makes his quick comeback with a missile dropkick but the Clothesline puts Montoya away without too much effort.
Rating: D. Bradshaw of course had talent (why he’s not in the Hall of Fame isn’t clear) but the evil cowboy thing would have been old five years prior to this. There’s nothing wrong with getting your foot in the door though and the potential was there, which is more important than anything else.
We get a serious video from Vince, basically saying that the tour of Kuwait was this big show of freedom. During the trip, British Bulldog attacked Shawn Michaels on a beach and tried to drown him. Ok then.
Shawn Michaels vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley
Non-title and I believe for the first time ever. If nothing else the first time on TV. An early armdrag lets HHH pose a bit and Shawn is already somewhat frustrated. We take a break and come back with Shawn tripping him down and walking over HHH’s back to get some of the heat back. HHH is down on the floor so Shawn takes a quick jog over to the announcers’ table to stare at Lawler and HHH’s latest valet.
A headlock brings HHH back in over the top (think Orton’s DDT) so the referee demands a clean break. Ever the good guy, Shawn lets HHH drop face first onto the mat in a funny bit. HHH ducks a charge and sends Shawn onto the top, setting up a punt out to the floor. Cue Mr. Perfect to watch as we take a second break.
Back again with HHH in control and hammering away in the corner with a fire he’s never shown to this point. We hit the chinlock as Lawler accidentally refers to Mr. Perfect as Hennig. A clothesline cuts off Shawn’s comeback bid and HHH unloads on him in the corner. We take a ridiculous third break and come back with Shawn in a pretty lazy looking chinlock.
The champ fights up with some right hands in the corner, followed by a catapult into the corner for a big crash. Shawn’s top rope elbow gets two so HHH actually tries a powerbomb, which is countered into a hurricanrana into a sunset flip for two on Michaels in a hot sequence. The Pedigree is countered and the superkick finishes clean.
Rating: B. Well of course these two are awesome together. Unfortunately this would be it for HHH’s time near the top of the card for a LONG time due to the Curtain Call this coming weekend. Shawn might not have been the biggest ratings draw in the world but sweet goodness he could wrestle a heck of a match.
British Bulldog isn’t worried about Shawn being on commentary for his match next week.
Overall Rating: C. The main event pretty easily bails this one out as Shawn did so often around this time. What brings it right back down again is the idea of watching British Bulldog vs. Shawn for the title on pay per view as it just sucks the energy and excitement out of me. The rest of the show was your usual 1996 mess but that main event was solid.
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Royal Rumble 1996 Date: January 21, 1996
Location: Selland Arena, Fresno, California
Attendance: 9,600
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Mr. Perfect
We’re in the Monday Night Wars era now and it’s all about Shawn at the moment. He’s back from injury and in the Rumble tonight, looking to become the second person ever to win back to back Rumbles. Other than that we’ve got Bret vs. Undertaker which is another of those matches that can be hit or miss. It’s hard to say what we’ll get here….well not really because I’ve seen this show a bunch of times. Let’s get to it.
We open with Sunny in a bathtub, saying this show is graphic and view discretion is advised.
The opening video is about how the champion is defined by Hart, as in Bret Hart. Tonight though he’s against a force who has no heart, in the form of Undertaker. The IC Title match (Ramon vs. Goldust) and the Rumble are talked about as well.
Jeff Jarrett vs. Ahmed Johnson
Last month at IYH, Jarrett hit Johnson with a gold record to set this up. Johnson is basically Ezekiel Jackson with a bit of skill and charisma. Jarrett immediately bails to the floor to hide. Back in he tries a hiptoss and Ahmed is like boy are you stupid or something? A headlock is easily countered by a throw from Johnson and a clothesline takes Jarrett down. There’s a World’s Strongest Slam for two for Ahmed and things slow down again. Johnson misses a clothesline by a mile but Jeff sells it anyway of course.
A cross body misses as well but this time Johnson goes flying over the top, getting his hand caught in the ropes on the way down. A HARD whip into the steps puts Johnson down and we head back in. Ahmed starts no selling stuff and catches a dive in a bearhug. That goes nowhere so Johnson sends him to the floor and hits a big dive. Back in and Ahmed misses a FREAKING SWANTON (remember that he weighs like 280) and there’s the Figure Four from Jarrett. Johnson powers out of it twice, so Jarrett cracks him with the guitar off the top for the LAME DQ.
Rating: C-. I was always an Ahmed fan so this was an easy pass for me. The image of the Swanton looked great if nothing else, which is more than enough to give this a pass. Jarrett was such a mess at this point and never went anywhere in the WWF. The ending completely sucked though and it really brought things down.
BUY OUR STUFF!
Diesel isn’t worried about the Rumble tonight and doesn’t think it’s Vader Time. He doesn’t care who he faces at Mania, but he isn’t happy with Taker being the #1 contender.
Tag Titles: Smoking Gunns vs. Bodydonnas
The Bodydonnas are Skip (Chris Candido) and Zip (Tom Prichard with a BIG haircut). They have Sunny with them and my goodness is she smoking (no pun intended) here. The Guns are defending. Skip and Billy start things off with Skip taking over with a headscissors. Just like Ahmed earlier, Billy misses a charge against the ropes and crashes to the outside. Both Gunns get double teamed until Bart ducks out of the way, allowing a charging Billy to dive onto both Donnas on the floor.
Things settle down a bit and it’s back to Billy vs. Skip with the champion in control. Sunny hits on Bart until it’s Bart vs. Zip. A gorilla press puts Zip down but he makes a blind tag, allowing Skip to take over. The champions are fine with the double teaming stuff too, and take over on Skip very easily. Sunny gets on the apron and is knocked off just as quickly, giving us a nice upskirt shot in the process.
Now we get to the important part of the match as Billy goes to check on Sunny, allowing the Donnas to pound away on Bart. Skip hits a nice plancha onto Billy before suplexing Zip onto Billy for two back inside. Billy gets to play Ricky Morton for awhile, being put in a chinlock by Zip. This goes on for awhile until we get a sloppy spot where the Donnas collide and Skip rams heads will Billy. This would work a bit better if Billy wasn’t about eight inches taller than Candido.
Hot tag brings in Bart and everything breaks down with the champions taking over. The Sidewinder (side slam/guillotine legdrop combo) crushes Zip but Sunny’s distraction lets Skip break things up and take Zip’s place. Ignore the fact that one has the straps of his singlet up and the other doesn’t, and the fact that they look as different as Demolition did. In an ending the Expresses used back in the 80s, the Donnas load up a double suplex on Bart, but Billy spears Skip down, causing Bart to fall on Zip for the pin to retain.
Rating: C-. Tag wrestling at this time was really weak with very few solid teams anywhere to be found. The Gunns were ok at best and the Donnas were only popular because of Sunny. Billy would turn heel relatively soon and would eventually join up with Road Dogg to form the New Age Outlaws and turn the division completely upside down. Nothing much to see here but it certainly wasn’t terrible.
We get some of the Billionaire Ted skits, which were unfunny shots at Ted Turner. Not his wrestling company directly, but Turner himself. I’m still not sure why they decided to do these but no one liked them and they came off as mean instead of funny or witty. Note Vince Russo as one of the executives in the board room skit.
We recap Razor vs. Goldust, where Goldust is hitting on Razor to mess with his mind before the match tonight. To say Goldust’s character got them in hot water around this point is a huge understatement.
Intercontinental Title: Razor Ramon vs. Goldust
The yet to be named Marlena debuts with Goldie here. Razor is defending as is his custom. Feeling out process to start with Goldust playing his usual mind games, which means rubbing himself. Razor cranks on the arm before grabbing a headlock which goes nowhere. Goldust goes behind Razor and molests him a bit to psych Razor out even more. They head to the corner with Razor having his head rubbed a bit, ticking him off even more.
Razor goes for the arm so Goldust slaps him in the face. Perfect keeps making sex jokes as Razor slaps Goldust right back in the face. He spanks Goldie once as well, but the painted dude likes it. We head to the floor where Goldust hides behind Marlena as the stalling continues. Back in and Razor tries three straight headscissors before punching Goldust to the floor with a single shot.
We get more stalling which is called playing mind games before Ramon clotheslines him right back to the outside. Razor has to move Marlena out of the way, allowing Goldust to FINALLY do something, taking over with a shot to the ribs. Back in and Goldust focuses on the ribs, but not too much because that might mean we have some speed to this match. A bulldog gets two for Goldust as does a slingshot belly to back suplex.
Off to a sleeper, which Perfect suggests Goldust could use to do “whatever he wants” to Goldust. Much like everything else in the match, this goes on way too long until Razor fights up and kicks Goldust low. He’s so spent though that Goldie gets a two count, causing Razor to start his comeback. He fires off his usual punches and the chokeslam gets two. A belly to back superplex hit but Marlent distracts the referee, allowing the 1-2-3 Kid to come in and kick Razor’s head off. Goldust gets the easy pin and the title.
Rating: D-. Sweet freaking goodness this was dull. It went on WAY too long and had a bad ending on top of that, plus the stupid “psychology” from Goldust which wound up being more unpleasant than interesting or intelligent. Goldust would get WAY better when he became more of a comedy/parody character rather than this freaky dude that he was to start his WWF run. The matches got a lot better as a result too.
Wrestlemania 12 is coming.
We get the usual promos for the Rumble, but we start with a statement from Shawn’s doctor who says he’s back and healthy. Thankfully this is kept VERY short and he’s not dull. We hear from Owen, Roberts, Lawler, Horowitz, Vader and Shawn. Shawn would be the most obvious winner ever in the Rumble since…..well since last year when he was the absolutely obvious pick to win.
Vince and Perfect talk about the Rumble a bit.
Royal Rumble
HHH is #1, having lost a match on the Free for All to Duke Droese, who won the right to be #30. Henry Godwinn is #2 and I believe he’s feuding with HHH at this point. Helmsley pounds away in the corner to start but gets backdropped down very quickly. The intervals are back to two minutes this year thank goodness. Trips pokes him in the eye and chokes away until Bob Backlund is #3. Backlund saves HHH before pounding away on him. These wide shots are showing how nearly empty the upper deck is.
Jerry Lawler is #4 as HHH hits the jumping knee to the face of Godwinn. The fans chant Burger King and you know Lawler isn’t going to pass up a chance to rile up a crowd. He goes to get the slop bucket that Godwinn brought with him, but Henry clears the ring and gets the bucket, throwing it over the top onto Lawler and some of Backlund. Bob Holly is #5 and things slow down a bit until HHH erupts on Godwinn for some reason.
We get some slow paced elimination teases until Mabel is #6. Still nothing happens so here’s Jake Roberts at #7 to an ERUPTION. No one is eliminated yet. Jake throws in the snake and everyone but Lawler can get to the floor. After nearly giving him a heart attack with the snake, Lawler disappears for a good while as he hides under the ring. Mabel gets tied up in the ropes and pounded on for a bit until Dory Funk Jr. is #8.
The DDT is countered by HHH as we hear about a friendship between Terry Funk and Bruce Willis of all people. Backlund and Funk go at it because they’re both old and I doubt Dory knows most of the other people in the ring. Lawler is seen hiding under the ring. Yokozuna is #9 as there are WAY too many people in the match at the moment. Backlund puts Dory in the chickenwing and is eliminated by Yoko for a prize. Yoko crushes Godwinn in the corner but Mabel splashes Yoko, killing Henry in the process.
The 1-2-3 Kid is #10 but Razor charges down the aisle to chase him away (not eliminated). Officials get Razor off the Kid but it takes Mabel beating Razor down to stop the chases. It amazes me that Razor wasn’t in more Rumbles. Come to think of it….he was NEVER in a Rumble. Omori, a Japanese star that doesn’t mean much yet, is #11. At the moment we’ve got HHH, Godwinn, Lawler (under the ring), Holly, Mabel, Roberts, Funk, Yoko, the Kid and Omori in the match.
Wait where is Godwinn? I guess he went out off camera. Yoko and Mabel double team Omori until Jake pounds away on Yoko to the loudest reactions of the match so far. Funk hits a double underhook suplex on the Kid as Savio Vega is #12. He spinwheel kicks Mabel down, allowing Yoko to dump the reigning King (Mabel if you’re lucky enough to not remember that gimmick). Omori goes out thanks to Roberts and things slow down again.
Vader debuts at #13 and lumbers around while not doing much. He picks Bob Holly of all people to beat on first as Vega eliminates Dory. Vader pulls Savio back in from the apron for no apparent reason other than he wants to beat on him some more. Doug Gilbert from Memphis is #14 and HHH goes right after him for no apparent reason. Vader and Yoko slug it out to a big reaction but Vader has to stop to clothesline Roberts out.
The camera work in this is really bad as they keep looking at corners of the ring instead of the full thing, making us miss a lot of stuff. Savio pounds on Vader until one of the Squat Team members (BIG fat guys who are there because they’re fat and look alike) is #15. Vader sloppily throws Gilbert out and does the same to the Squat Team dude. Yoko and Vader slug it out again and people respond again.
The other member of the Squat Team is #16 but they both get in to double team Vader. The Mastodon (Vader) punches their faces in as only Vader can do before knocking them both to the floor. Owen Hart is #17 and everyone but Yoko is on one side of the ring for some reason. Vader and Yoko double team Savio who doesn’t seem interested in selling at all. A pair of splashes in the corner crushes him, as do a regular splash and the big leg from Yoko.
Shawn is #17 to a decent pop but significantly smaller than Jake’s. Vader throws out Savio as Shawn goes after HHH and the Kid. Vader and Yoko slug it out a bit before slugging it out a lot. They fight against the ropes, so Shawn gets a running start and dumps them BOTH AT ONCE. Now THAT wakes up the crowd. If that’s not enough, Shawn gorilla presses (!) the Kid to the floor as the ring is suddenly very thin. Hakushi is #19 as the big guys fight on the floor.
Scratch the floor part as Vader gets back in and cleans house, but none of the eliminations count because he’s not legal. Once he’s finally taken away, we’ve got Shawn, HHH, Holly, Hart, Hakushi and Lawler underneath the ring. Tatanka is #20 as Shawn thrown Jim Cornette, Vader’s manager, out. Hakushi hits a Muta elbow on Hart in the corner as HHH of course goes after Shawn.
Michaels teases a bunch of eliminations to try to make us think he’s not winning. Owen dumps Hakushi as Aldo Montoya (Justin Credible with a jock strap over his face) is #21. Shawn gets sent through the ropes to the floor, where he pulls Lawler out and sends him back into the ring. Tatanka puts out Montoya as Shawn puts out Lawler.
Here’s Diesel at #22 and house is cleaned. There goes Tatanka at the hands of the tall one and it’s time for Shawn vs. Diesel which gets a pop but is too short to mean much. Kama (Godfather) is #23 as this continues to go slowly. Shawn pounds on Holly (why is he still in this?) in the corner as Kama and Diesel slug it out. The Ringmaster (Steve Austin who is brand new here) is #24. He’s in white boots which is a really strange thing to see for him.
Shawn does his usual overblown self safe as Holly and Austin fight. FINALLY Holly goes out after nearly forty minutes. HHH vs. Austin happens about three years before it would mean anything. Barry Horowitz (with the AWESOME rock version of Hava Nagila) is #25 and he goes after Diesel. Well no one ever accused him of being brilliant. Shawn nips up to knock Owen to the apron, but Hart skins the cat back in. Cool little sequence there.
HHH punches Diesel, so Diesel grabs him by the head and LAUNCHES him to the floor. The Game made it about 48 minutes which isn’t bad at all. MAKING A DIFFERENCE Fatu (don’t ask. PLEASE don’t ask) is #26 and he doesn’t do much. Shawn and Owen can’t suplex the other one out so here’s Isaac Yankem DDS (Kane) at #27. The ring is WAY too full but Barry is put out to thin it out a bit.
Owen hits the enziguri on Shawn which put Michaels on the shelf leading up to this match. Shawn hangs on AGAIN though and puts Owen out while we’re looking at a double feature. Austin kills Shawn with a clothesline and here’s Marty Jannetty at #28. Fatu superkicks Kane as the burst of energy from Marty is already gone. Shawn and Jannetty go at it because they’re former partners. Perfect: “They’re rocking now aren’t they?” They punch each other down and the British Bulldog is #29.
Smith goes right for Shawn because of what happened last year. I love little bits of continuity like that which you never get anymore. Davey puts out Marty as Fatu GOES OFF on Austin before clotheslining him out off camera. Yankem puts out Fatu and here’s Duke Droese at #30. The final group is Shawn, Droese, Diesel, Smith, Yankem and Kama.
Smith and Michaels fight to the floor and Owen jumps Shawn for good measure. Shawn shrugs it off and goes in to dropkick Yankem out. Kama and Diesel put out Droese to get us down to four. Shawn clotheslines Smith out before skinning the cat back in. Diesel dumps Kama and Shawn superkicks the tall one (in the shoulder) out to win for the second year in a row.
Rating: D. Oh this was DULL. The problem here was that like last year (although to a MUCH weaker degree), there were very few guys you could buy as a winner here. It’s FAR better than last year’s match but the crowd was dead for long stretches of this, mainly due to boredom. You could see the star power of the future, but that’s the problem: they weren’t stars yet and no one bought them at this point. The match isn’t bad, but it’s definitely not good if that makes sense.
Diesel is ticked off about the ending and goes back in as Shawn is stripping. They do their old Wolfpack thing in the middle of the ring (a high five where Shawn has to jump) and all is cool. Shawn poses for a long time post match.
Oh yeah we’ve got a thirty minute match left to go.
WWF World Title: Undertaker vs. Bret Hart
Bret is defending and Taker is still in his skull mask period. Diesel is still straggling behind and stares at Taker during his entrance. They brawl with neither guy getting much of an advantage. Since this is WWF, we recap what we just say two minutes ago. After all that, here’s the world champion. Taker stands in the middle of the ring and Bret circles him for a bit. Hart pounds away in the corner and Taker stares at him.
Taker LAUNCHES him into the corner which is one of my favorite of his moves. He chokes Bret in the air and moves very slowly. Off to a smother hold which goes on for a LONG time. Bret finally makes the rope so there’s Old School….which sets up the smother again. Bret fights up and hits a middle rope clothesline followed by a regular one to send Taker to the floor. There’s a dive to take out the challenger as this finally picks up the pace a bit.
Bret tries to dive off the apron at Taker but is pulled out of the air and rammed into the post. Taker rams him into various other things until Bret reverses a whip into the steps, trying to damage Taker’s knees. Back in and Bret works over the knee as this is going nowhere. The Figure Four goes on….and on…..and on……and Taker turns it over.
Bret gets to the rope, so let’s put on ANOTHER LEG HOLD! It’s that always riveting one where Bret drops an elbow on the leg and just lays on it. This is also known as the Dusty Rhodes Special. He does however mix it up by trying to take off Taker’s mask. After being in this for literally about three minutes, Taker smashes his free leg on Bret’s head before we head back to the floor. Taker chokes away with a cord and sends Bret into the barricade as we head back in.
The champ goes back to the freaking knee as the fans loudly boo Bret. Taker’s leg is wrapped around the post a few times and it’s back to laying on the leg. Dear goodness get this over with already. We’re over twenty minutes into this and NOTHING has happened. To save my sanity the hold doesn’t last as long this time and Taker fights back. There are some legdrops and a clothesline as Taker’s knee seems fine. He loads up the Tombstone but Bret slides down his back and guillotines Taker on the ropes.
A DDT puts Taker down and Bret starts headbutting the back. We get the Russian legsweep but Taker sits up. The bulldog takes Taker down and there’s the middle rope elbow. Bret gives the fans a thumbs down and loads up the Sharpshooter. Taker grabs him by the throat to block it but Bret knees him in the ribs. A double clothesline puts both guys down and we lay around a bit more.
Bret is up first and takes off the buckle from a corner. He goes for the mask again and gets it off to reveal….the same Undertaker we’ve seen for like five years at this point. Seriously he looks fine. Taker fights back but gets rammed into the exposed buckle. That gets no sold and it’s a Tombstone for Bret. Since this is such a dull match though, Diesel pulls the referee out at two for a DQ.
Rating: D+. This started VERY slow but got better for the last ten minutes or so, but the ending brings it right back down again. If this had been a fifteen minute match or so it would have been WAY better, but they only had so many other matches on the card, meaning this had to be longer. Diesel would face Taker at Mania of course.
Gorilla Monsoon makes Diesel vs. Bret for the title at the next PPV.
Shawn says the 90s will be his time.
Taker comes in to yell at Gorilla, saying that Diesel won’t be champion on his watch. Gorilla makes it a cage match so Taker can’t interfere.
Diesel goes on a big rant about how he’s not afraid of the dark and says he’s going to have his hands in everything from now on because the WWF is running on Diesel Power. This was his official heel turn.
Cornette says Vader cannot be ignored. He pretty much was until Summerslam.
Overall Rating: D. This is a really weird show to grade because while most of the matches got bad grades, it’s not that bad of a show overall. Don’t get me wrong: it’s bad, but it’s really not as bad as it sounds. The first two matches are certainly watchable, but they’re not that good. The Rumble is also passable, but it’s dull at times. Not horrible, but definitely not worth seeing.
Ratings Comparison
Ahmed Johnson vs. Jeff Jarrett
Original: D+
Redo: C-
Smoking Gunns vs. Bodydonnas
Original: D
Redo: C-
Goldust vs. Razor Ramon
Original: D
Redo: D-
Royal Rumble
Original: D
Redo: D
Bret Hart vs. Undertaker
Original: C-
Redo: D+
Overall Rating
Original: D-
Redo: D
Amazingly enough I liked it a bit better this time.
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Survivor Series Count-Up – 1995: They’ve Still Got It
Survivor Series 1995 Date: November 19, 1995
Location: USAir Arena, Landover, Maryland
Attendance: 14,500
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Mr. Perfect, Jim Ross
Aside from the main event, there really isn’t much else to talk about. The rest of the show is dedicated to the midcard, save for the return of the Undertaker. He’ll be captaining the Dark Side to face the Royals, led by King Mabel, who helped crush Undertaker’s face a few months prior. Let’s get to it.
We start with Razor Ramon, talking about being in the first Wild Card match. The idea here was to take faces and heels and mix them up. It was an interesting concept but like most Survivor Series matches, it didn’t mean anything and wasn’t done again.
Mr. Perfect is introduced as a surprise commentator.
We actually get an opening video which is about Bret going A-Diesel hunting. The idea is old vs. new. It’s no countout and No DQ tonight, basically meaning a street fight.
BodyDonnas vs. Underdogs
BodyDonnas: Skip, Rad Radford, Tom Prichard, 1-2-3 Kid
Underdogs: Barry Horowitz, Hakushi, Marty Jannetty, Bob Holly
The idea here is people that care about their looks vs. jobbers. Horowitz scored one of the biggest upsets ever over Skip (Chris Candido, a fitness guru. He would later be joined by Prichard under the name Zip. Their manager was the famous one though: Sunny). Jannetty needs no introduction as a jobber.
The Kid is a mystery partner who is freshly heel here. By freshly I mean this is his first match as a heel. Razor comes out to go after the Kid who screwed him over on Raw on Monday. Raw is finally a big deal at this point too. Razor is Intercontinental Champion of course. Radford is Louis Spicolli in a grunge gimmick. Holly is a racecar driver and Hakushi is a Japanese wrestler with tattoos all over his torso.
Prichard and Jannetty start things off and Marty has to fight out of the heel corner. The Kid holds him there but Prichard hits Kid with a knee by mistake. The BodyDonnas huddle on the floor until it’s off to Radford vs. Marty. Radford is called a BodyDonna in training because he’s pretty fat. Here’s Holly to face Rad and he takes Radford over with a hurricanrana. Radford tries the same thing but gets powerbombed down.
Off to Hakushi who is pretty freshly face. He gets behind Radford but walks into a spinebuster. Off to the Kid who hits a top rope splash on Hakushi for two and it’s time for Captain Skip. Hakushi escapes a belly to back superplex and it’s back to Holly who speeds things up. Prichard comes in as the fans want Barry. A powerbomb counters a hurricanrana from Holly but Tom misses a moonsault. Holly hits a top rope cross body for the elimination. Skip immediately comes in and rolls up Holly to tie it back up.
Hakushi comes in again and trips up Skip before elbowing him in the face. A Vader Bomb hits knees though and Skip gets control back. A shot to the chest takes Skip down so here’s the Kid again. The fans want Barry but it’s Hakushi taking over with a Muta Elbow in the corner. A top rope shoulder takes Kid down for two but Hakushi misses a springboard splash. Razor is watching in the back. Kid kicks Hakushi in the back of the head and Radford gets the easy pin.
Barry comes in and gets pounded down and the fans almost explode. Naturally this match would be the end of his push because that’s how it works in the WWF, though I don’t think Horowitz had a long shelf life. Radford and the Kid double team Horowitz but he comes back with a jawbreaker to Rad. Skip tells Rad not to pin Barry yet because he wants to get the pin himself.
Radford hits a Hennig neck snap as Hennig is stunned at the reaction to Horowitz. Rad stops to exercise and gets cradled by Barry for the pin. It’s Skip/The Kid vs. Barry/Marty. Horowitz gets distracted by a double team and the Kid dropkicks him in the back, setting up a legdrop for the elimination. So it’s Marty down two on one but he avoids a charging Skip in the corner.
A sunset flip out of nowhere gets two for Marty and the Rocker Dropper (a fancy Fameasser) puts Skip down and Marty goes up. Sunny crotches him but Skip gets countered into a Superbomb (powerbomb off the top, which would be Skip’s finisher in ECW) for the elimination. It’s one on one now and a missile dropkick gets two for the Kid. A moonsault misses Marty though and they’re both down. Jannetty dropkicks him down for two and here comes Sid (Kid’s partner). A Rocker Dropper takes the Kid down for two but Sid guillotines Marty on the ropes and Kid steals the pin.
Rating: B. This was a good match to open things up with, especially since I don’t think anyone would have been able to buy Barry Horowitz captaining anything but an opening match team. Other than that though, the action here was good and it set the Kid up as a somewhat big time heel which is what he needed so soon after a turn. Good opener.
Razor threw a fit in the back after the loss, throwing a monitor against the wall in the process.
Three members of I guess you would say the heel Wild Card team (Dean Douglas, Owen and Yokozuna) say that Razor needs to channel his energy into their match later, since he’s their partner.
Team Bertha Faye vs. Team Alundra Blayze
Bertha Faye, Aja Kong, Tomoko Watanabe, Lioness Asuka
Alundra Blayze, Kyoko Inoue, Sakie Hasegawa, Chaparita Asari
Bertha is an overweight and not incredibly attractive woman and is Blayze’s main rival for Blayze’s Women’s Title. She tells the fans to shut up in an attempt to get people interested in this match. The rest are Japanese wrestlers who didn’t spend a lot of time in the WWF. Asari and Asuka start things off with Asuka taking her head off with a spinwheel kick. At least I think that’s what happened because we’re getting a wide shot of the arena for the opening bell. Asari, a member of the face team, stands about 4’9 and is a tiny thing whereas Asuka looks like a monster.
Off to Blayze who is more Asuka’s size for a slam on the Lioness. Back to Asari who debuts the Sky Twister Press (a corkscrew moonsault) in America. Asuka doesn’t sell it but you can’t ask everything of her. Vince has no idea what to call it but JR is there to clean up for him. Blayze comes back in and hits a German suplex to eliminate Asuka. It makes the names easier to keep track of if nothing else.
Watanabe comes in but misses a dive. Blayze sends her to the floor and does hit her dive to take over. Hasegawa comes in and hits five rolling double underhook suplexes on Watanabe as Perfect makes sexist remarks. Watanabe hits a seated senton off the top for two as this selling thing is still an issue. Aja Kong, a total monster, comes in with no tag and is immediately kicked in the face and suplexed by Hasegawa. Another Rock Bottom suplex puts her down but Hasegawa jumps into a kick to the chest. Something like a belly to back suplex eliminates Hasegawa to make it 3-3.
Asari comes in and is quickly dispatched by a middle rope splash. If you can’t see the ending of this match coming, you fail your exam. Blayze comes in but tags out almost immediately to Inoue. Inoue looks like a cross between a Rocker and the Ultimate Warrior. By the time I finish typing that, a seated senton eliminates her. Kong put out three girls in about 90 seconds.
So it’s Blayze vs. Faye, Kong and Watanabe. All three get in the ring at once but Watanabe stays in. A snap suplex gets two for the champion and a slow motion piledriver gets the pin to make it 2-1. Faye comes in and after some basic shots in the corner, gets caught in a German suplex to make it one on one. Kong hits a superplex for two and she crushes Blayze in the corner for a bit. Alundra hits a bad hurricanrana for two and a standing moonsault for the same. Blayze goes up but gets headbutted down and the spinning backfist gets the pin for Kong.
Rating: C+. The match was fun stuff considering it only had ten minutes to get through seven eliminations. Kong would have been a great challenger for Blayze, if the division had stayed around. Blayze would show up on Nitro in about a month and throw the WWF Women’s Title (and her career for the most part) in the trash. Fun match but too rushed to mean anything.
A Bill Clinton impersonator is here. He says he’s been watching Bam Bam Bigelow since Bigelow was a kid and playing with Pebbles.
Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Goldust
Goldust has been around about a month at this point. This is when Goldust was just a movie fanatic at this point and not, you know, trying to screw everyone on the roster. Bigelow is obsessed with fire here, which makes sense given his looks and attire. After about a four minute entrance, we’re ready to go. Then we get some stalling to go with the long entrance.
Goldust tries to get in Bigelow’s mind but gets knocked to the floor for his efforts. Back in and Bigelow slugs him down but charges into a boot in the corner. Goldust gets rammed into the post on the floor but he comes back with a clothesline to send Bigelow back to the floor. Back in and it’s a front facelock as this match keeps dragging along. Bam Bam is thrown to the floor but comes back with a clothesline. A headbutt misses and Goldust rides Bigelow on the mat. Bam Bam comes back with an electric chair but gets taken down by a lariat. Bigelow makes a comeback, misses a charge, and gets bulldogged down for the pin.
Rating: F. This was an eight minute match. Look at the length of what I wrote and tell me how this match ran eight minutes. Goldust was all mystique and no substance for a year or so until he figured out how to wrestle a match as Goldust instead of as Dustin Rhodes in a funny outfit. This was Bigelow’s last match in the company ever.
Clinton wastes more of our time but now with Bob Backlund, who isn’t a big fan.
We recap Mabel vs. Undertaker. Mabel was fat and won the King of the Ring. Then he dropped some big fat legs on Undertaker, crushing his face. Tonight it’s about revenge.
Royals vs. Dark Side
Royals: King Mabel, Jerry Lawler, Hunter Hearst Helmsley, Isaac Yankem
Dark Side: Undertaker, Fatu, Henry Godwin, Savio Vega
Mabel is on a throne carried by about five guys, all of whom look like they’re about to have hernias. The idea here is you have King Mabel, King Lawler, the blue blood Helmsley, and the Royal Dentist Isaac Yankem. About two years later, Isaac would put on a mask and remember that he’s Undertaker’s brother Kane. What exactly is dark about Undertaker’s partners isn’t really clear. Fatu is MAKING A DIFFERENCE and is supposed to be some kind of hero for kids in the projects. Godwin is a hog farmer and Vega is a street fighter from Puerto Rico.
Undertaker’s entrance is as huge as you would expect it to be. He has this skull looking mask on now which would eventually be purple and look very stupid. Fatu and Hunter start things off. The Dark Side even has matching t-shirts that say Rest In Peace. Fatu throws Helmsley around to start but we almost get a Pedigree, which is only broken up by a glare from Undertaker. Off to Godwin, who was feuding with Hunter at this point in the standard culture clash feud.
Off to Lawler who immediately tags in Yankem. A big hop toss puts Isaac down but he sends Henry into the corner to escape. Back to Helmsley, which I’m getting tired of typing. If only there was a shorter version of his name. Perfect: “You know Helmsley likes to be called Triple H.” Thank you Mr. Perfect. Anyway, Godwin gorilla presses HHH, holding him up for a LONG time.
Lawler comes in and gets Savio, which is a clash of styles if I’ve ever heard of one. Vega pounds away on Jerry and Fatu does the same. Yankem gets in a knee to Fatu’s back and the evil King takes over. The smaller evil king that is. Isaac comes in to slam Fatu and a legdrop follows. Mabel comes in but misses a splash in the corner. Vega pounds on Mabel in a rematch of the KOTR final. A side slam kills Vega but there’s no cover.
Vega gets beaten on in the corner to fill in more time. Yankem is listed as 6’8 or 6’9 here, which means he would have grown about three or four inches by the time he became the Big Red Machine. A HHH knee drop gets two on Vega as the crowd is silent because none of this means anything. This is all just filler until we get to the Undertaker tag when the place is going to erupt.
Lawler’s piledriver on Vega gets two. Well it’s not Memphis so it’s understandable. Lawler knocks Vega into the corner…..and here’s Undertaker. Jerry gets thrown around by the throat and no one will tag him. Tombstone and pin on Lawler, tombstone and pin on Yankem, chokeslam and pin on Helmsley, and there’s just Mabel left. He immediately belly to belly suplexes Undertaker down and drops the face crushing legdrop before dancing a bit. There’s the situp and Mabel runs for the countout. The four eliminations took two minutes and two seconds.
Rating: D+. This whole match ran just under fifteen minutes and about two of those meant anything. Everything was waiting for Undertaker to come in and dominate, which he did quite well, but getting there was pretty dull stuff. This match is more fun for looking at what these people would become rather than what they are now. Undertaker would lose the mask soon enough thank goodness.
Bret is ready for Diesel and isn’t looking forward to the defense he’d have at the next In Your House against British Bulldog. He talks about Wayne Gretzky and wonders if he himself is still the best ever. Today he’ll find out.
Diesel isn’t worried about Bulldog and he’s going to take care of Bret tonight.
DiBiase and Cornette have a small argument before the next match. Shawn comes in and says chill.
Team Shawn Michaels vs. Team Yokozuna
Shawn Michaels, Ahmed Johnson, British Bulldog, Sycho Sid
Yokozuna, Owen Hart, Razor Ramon, Dean Douglas
This is the Wild Card match with all of the mixed up partners. It’s also Ahmed’s (a very large, muscular intimidating man) PPV debut. Sid is Shawn’s other former bodyguard but they split after Wrestlemania XI, turning Shawn face in the process. Douglas is the original Damien Sandow, which is a ripoff of the Genius. We get going with Owen vs. Shawn which is of course very fast paced stuff. Shawn sends him to the floor and after ducking a tennis racket shot from Cornette, taps Cornette’s pants with said racket. Back inside and it’s Douglas pounding away on Shawn and suplexing him down.
Shawn comes back with a forearm followed by a double ax off the top rope for two. Douglas misses a Vader Bomb so Shawn comes back with a moonsault press for two. It’s off to Ahmed who gets to destroy everything in sight but he can’t slam Yokozuna. After a big group beatdown, Dean is able to get a chinlock on Ahmed to take over. Razor gets in some cheap shots which is rather heelish of him.
Back to who walks into a powerslam but it’s off to Shawn, who Ahmed launches into Dean for two. In a more normal act for Razor, he pops Dean in the face to give Shawn a rollup win. Off to Bulldog vs. Owen which should be a good pairing. Owen hits a sweet spinwheel kick for two and Bulldog is so mad that he tags out to Shawn.
Hart tags out to Razor and it’s time for a rematch from Summerslam 95. JR: “I don’t think they can wrestle each other without a ladder.” They’re tentative to start things off but Shawn throws Razor to the floor, followed by Razor taking Shawn’s head off with a clothesline. They collide in mid-air but Shawn nips up. Razor is like forget that chico and hits the Razor’s Edge out of nowhere. Ahmed makes the save and the fans aren’t sure if they like that.
They collide again…..and then they do it for a third time. Shawn tags in Sid who had his back to the ring for some reason. This is a rematch from a recent Raw and part of an ongoing feud. Razor can barely get up, allowing Sid to pound away at will. Yokozuna tries to get in a cheap shot on Sid but Sid kicks him away. Razor comes back with some right hands and they clothesline each other down. That’s the fourth time something Razor has done something like that in five minutes.
For some reason, Sid goes up (well he is Sycho) and gets slammed back down for two. A one handed chokeslam (looked awesome) puts Razor down but Sid tags in Shawn instead of powerbombing him. Shawn accidentally superkicks Sid but Bulldog breaks up the pin. Not that it matters as Razor covers again a second later and gets the pin. Sid powerbombs Michaels, his own partner, before leaving. Bulldog and Razor are legal at the moment with Bulldog pounding away….or not as Bulldog was just having fun.
Razor and Shawn are both down but Ramon can only get two. Owen gets the tag to beat on Michaels and drops him with a backdrop. Off to Yokozuna for the first time and he destroys Shawn in the corner. Shawn gets whipped upside down in the corner and it’s off to the nerve hold by Yokozuna. It’s not like Yokozuna is flexing or anything but it does look like a nice shoulder to lean on I guess.
Shawn gets up and is promptly elbowed back down. Off to Owen for a double headbutt to put Shawn down again. Owen misses a swan dive and Shawn makes the tag to Ahmed, who cleans house. The yet to be named Pearl River Plunge (Tiger Bomb) pins Owen and it’s off to Razor vs. Ahmed, which would have been a very interesting feud. Razor bulldogs Johnson down and things break down again with Razor beating up all of his opponents.
Ahmed goes to the corner to pose, and he just happens to put himself in Razor’s Edge position. With Ahmed down, Bulldog comes in sans tag. Here come Sid and the 1-2-3 Kid with DiBiase as Razor hits the fall away slam on Bulldog for two. Razor drills the Kid but walks into the powerslam for the elimination. It’s Shawn/Bulldog/Johnson vs. Yokozuna now.
Shawn gets the fat man first but the right hands don’t do much to Yokozuna, who slugs Shawn down with ease. Yokozuna hits the fat man legdrop but opts for the Banzai instead of covering. Shawn, fearing death, avoids the drop and makes the tag to Ahmed. There’s the slam (for the second time) but Bulldog breaks up the pin by his own teammate. Bulldog gets dropped and Shawn superkicks Yokozuna down. A splash from Ahmed (with a SQUEAL) gets the pin and the victory.
Rating: C+. For a match with almost no point behind it and some wacky teams, this was pretty good stuff. The Shawn vs. Razor stuff was interesting as you knew they had chemistry but it was fun to see them without a gimmick. Ahmed looked good but not great here, which would be the right description of him for his entire run in the WWF. Fun match that was never tried again, which I can understand.
More Clinton stuff with Sunny sitting on his lap. Lucky guy.
Bret talks about his previous matches with Diesel, both of which rocked.
Diesel says he’s Jackknifed Bret twice but he’s not sure if he can beat him. Diesel won the first one by DQ and the second was a draw. They were both good matches so this should be good too.
Perfect picks Bret, JR picks Diesel.
WWF World Title: Bret Hart vs. Diesel
Diesel is defending and this is No DQ and no countout. Diesel immediately takes a buckle pad off, so Bret takes another one off to match him. Bret charges him into the corner and goes after the leg but Diesel pounds him over the back to take over. The champ knocks Hart to the floor and Bret is limping. Diesel follows him out and hits a HARD ax handle to put Bret down again. It’s a slow start so far but they have a lot of time.
Hart gets sent into the barricade and goes back in but he bails to the floor immediately. Back in and Diesel wins a slugout, knocking Bret to the floor with a big right hand. Diesel whips him into the steps and keeps the pace slow. A theme of the promos had been wearing Bret tiring Diesel out so there’s some good psychology going on here. Diesel puts Bret down with a hard chair shot to the back and Hart is reeling.
Back in and Diesel loads up the Jackknife but Bret keeps grabbing the leg to block it. Now he bites the champ’s hands to escape. The fans are starting to get into this too. Bret goes for the knee and the champ is in trouble. They do the same opening sequence as Bret goes for the knee again but Diesel hits him in the back. This time though, Bret gets him down and cranks on the knee. See, THAT is storytelling.
Perfect says the line that always gets on my nerves: “They’re all the same size on the mat.” JR properly says “the size and power advantage are negated on the mat.” What JR says is true: Diesel is still bigger than Bret on the mat or standing up. Anyway, Bret cannonballs down onto the knee and there’s the Figure Four. Diesel makes the rope but Bret stays on the bad leg.
Hart tries the Sharpshooter but Diesel thumbs him in the eyes before kicking him into the exposed buckle. Bret picks the leg again and wraps it around the post before tying a cord of some kind around the post. He ties the other end of the cord to Diesel’s leg, making the champion a sitting duck. Bret gets a chair but Diesel uses the free leg for a big boot. Diesel crawls for the chair but Bret gets to it first and wears out the knee with chair shots.
With the leg still attached, Bret pulls off the backbreaker. Bret takes the chair to the top but Diesel punches him down to crotch Bret. Hart gets slammed to the mat, giving Diesel the chance to untie his ankle. Diesel chokes Bret with the cord and hits the side slam for two. Diesel sends Bret chest first into the exposed corner and puts him in 619 position for the running crotch attack, but he can’t run because of the bad leg. Instead he jumps into the air and crashes down on Bret, which looks more painful than the running version.
Diesel can barely hit Snake Eyes onto a covered buckle and Bret is in trouble. He tries another one but Bret escapes and rams Diesel into the exposed buckle. A Hart Attack clothesline gets two on the champ and Bret starts his comeback. That would be his second comeback if you’re keeping track. A middle rope clothesline gets two as does a Russian legsweep. Bret clotheslines Diesel to the floor and tries a plancha but Diesel just steps to the side and lets Bret crash.
Bret starts getting back to the apron but Diesel knocks him off, and for the first time ever, through the Spanish Announce Table. They head back inside and Diesel calls for the Jackknife but Bret falls onto his face from exhaustion. Diesel picks him up to try again but BRET IS GOLDBRICKING and rolls Diesel up for the title out of nowherein a big surprise.
Rating: A. Outstanding match here with both guys looking awesome. It takes the right kind of opponent to get a great match out of Diesel, but when you put a smaller guy like Bret or Shawn in there, the results are almost a guarantee. These two had some classics against each other and this was one of the best ones. I had a blast with this and it worked really well with Bret getting more and more violent and sadistic before faking Diesel out and using a wrestling move to win the title. That’s psychology people, and it’s great.
Diesel snaps post match and lays out Bret and some officials. Bret takes two Jackknifes and Diesel says I’M BACK to end the show.
Overall Rating: B. This was a pleasant surprise as with 1995 you often think of something disappointing but instead this was good almost throughout. The Goldust match was terrible but other than that and arguably the Undertaker match, the rest of this is all solid to quite good stuff. Throw in a new World Champion and there’s not much you can call bad here. Very good show.
Ratings Comparison
BodyDonnas vs. Underdogs
Original: A-
Redo: B
Team Bertha Faye vs. Team Alundra Blayze
Original: D
Redo: C+
Goldust vs. Bam Bam Bigelow
Original: C
Redo: F
Dark Side vs. Royals
Original: B-
Redo: D+
Team Shawn Michaels vs. Team Yokozuna
Original: C+
Redo: C+
Bret Hart vs. Diesel
Original: C+
Redo: A
Overall Rating
Original: B-
Redo: B
As close as the previous show was to being the same, this one is almost entirely different, yet it leads to a very similar overall rating. That’s a very interesting thing and one of my favorite things to see in doing this.
Monday Night Raw – February 26, 1996: There’s Wrestlemania
Monday Night Raw Date: February 26, 1996
Location: Cincinnati Gardens, Cincinnati, Ohio
Attendance: 8,500
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler
Hopefully things pick up a bit this week as there’s going to be a showdown between Shawn Michaels and Bret Hart with a little over a month to go before their WWF World Title match at Wrestlemania XII. Other than that we get another Larry Fling Live skit because we’re just that lucky. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of Diesel and Undertaker playing mind games with each other. That’s an underrated feud and it’s cool to see it again.
Opening sequence.
Isaac Yankem D.D.S. vs. Jake Roberts
This is actually Jake’s in ring Raw debut. Jake shoves him around to start and it’s so weird to see Kane just in pants and with that curly hair. Isaac gets in a clothesline and drives some fists to the face, only to get caught in the DDT for the quick pin.
Rating: D. That DDT was Jake’s only major offense in the entire (short) match. This was around the time when Jake was just a disaster in the ring and it was getting harder and harder to watch him out there. Yankem was long past his expiration date and would return as Fake Diesel a few months after this character finally died.
The Ultimate Warrior is coming back due to fan requests.
Bob Holly vs. Diesel
This is a match that Eric Bischoff actually talked about live on Nitro, spoiling it for the audience. You know, because this match needed to be spoiled. Bob’s early offense lasts as long as you would expect it to but Diesel keeps looking around for Undertaker to pop up through the ring. Holly makes a comeback and we actually take a break, only to come back to see the Jackknife ending this.
Rating: D-. That’s for the break because the post commercial stuff was all of ten seconds long. I can’t stand it when they’re clearly just stretching a match out for the sake of stretching it out and it happened way too often at this point. To be fair it happens today too and it’s every bit as annoying.
Diesel goes to leave and the gong sounds. The lights go out and Undertaker is in the ring but he disappears when Diesel comes close. Coward. They go out again and Undertaker is on the video screen, saying he can play mind games too.
Ahmed Johnson vs. Shinobi
Al Snow as a ninja. Ahmed throws him outside like the jobber with a stupid gimmick that he is and we get a phone call from Goldust, who has a poem for Roddy Piper. As we hear about Goldust wanting to play Piper’s bag, Shinobi botches a springboard with Johnson just staring at him. The spinebuster and Pearl River Plunge wrap this up quick.
Mankind talks about playing the piano for his mommy and her friends.
Vince brings out Shawn and Bret for a big interview. Shawn says he has more respect for Bret than anyone in this building and Bret may be the best there was and ever will be, but right now there might be someone better. Bret knows that there’s been a lot of time put into this title and he’s shown how great he is. His job is to be champion but Shawn has one night to beat him.
They get into a debate about who is in the best condition so here’s Roddy Piper with something to say. At Wrestlemania, Piper doesn’t want to hear about any tights pulling or a DQ. Oh and he doesn’t want to see Shawn’s abs because they don’t mean anything. Piper finally gets to the point and introduces the idea of the Iron Man match with the ONE HOUR time limit being the big sticking point.
British Bulldog/Owen Hart vs. Yokozuna
Vince actually says Yokozuna is facing his ex stablemates. Yokozuna elbows and slams Owen to start before doing the same to Bulldog. Double teaming works a bit better and we take a break because this show hasn’t gone on long enough yet. Back with Owen missing an elbow drop but Vader comes out for the DQ.
Rating: D-. To be fair it had been a long time since we had a bad match. Yokozuna was just way beyond saving at this point and was little more than a freak show. Vader beating him up would have been fine at Wrestlemania but they were probably better off changing things up for the sake of the fans having to watch those two have a match on their own.
Ahmed Johnson and Jake Roberts come out for the save, albeit with Ahmed doing all the work and Jake walking in slow motion before bringing out the yellow snake. I’ve heard of worse Plan B’s.
We wrap it up with Larry Fling Live with special guests Huckster and Nacho Man. They immediately start with the jokes about Hogan being injured by Woman’s shoe. Both of them seem to be involved with Liz and that doesn’t go well. Oh and they’re both too old to wrestle for the WWF, which is why Hogan would be champion in six years. Billionaire Ted calls in and Hogan freaks out, hitting everyone with horrible chair shots (ala SuperBrawl VI) while Larry holds a woman’s shoe. See, this was actually funny and making fun of WCW for doing stupid stuff, not for whatever Vince’s latest issue was.
Overall Rating: F. Other than announcing Wrestlemania’s main event gimmick, this was the most worthless show I can remember in a long time. There was nothing worth seeing throughout the show and the Hogan stuff at the end might have been the most entertaining part. On the other show, we had the Alliance to End Hulkamania. In other words, it was a horrible time to be a wrestling fan and it was only going to get worse.
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Monday Night Raw Date: July 22, 1996
Location: Key Arena, Seattle, Washington
Attendance: 6,755
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler
We’re past the dreadful and worthless In Your House IX and nothing has changed. Vader pinned Shawn Michaels to become the de facto #1 contender and thankfully we’re about a month away from Summerslam so maybe things can pick up a little bit. Things have been so boring around here lately that I’m ready for anything new. Let’s get to it.
We open with a look at Seattle for a change of pace.
This arena is HUGE compared to the tiny places we’ve been in lately and it really makes things feel better.
Tag Team Titles: Shawn Michaels/Ahmed Johnson vs. Smoking Gunns
The Gunns are defending and it happens to be Shawn’s birthday so Sunny has a cake. She offers him a piece on the way to the ring (oh come on that’s too easy) but the Gunns jump the challengers from behind. Billy eats Sweet Chin Music (I’d prefer cake) and Ahmed shoves the cake into Sunny’s face. Shawn of course licks some of it off and there’s no match.
Post break, Gorilla Monsoon says the Gunns will defend the titles later tonight or they’ll be stripped of the titles.
The Goon vs. Marc Mero
What did Mero do to deserve these horrible matches? Steve Austin sits in on commentary to spice things up a little bit. Goon tries a hip check and various other hockey moves and they’re uh, bad. A snapmare sets up a chinlock on Mero as Jake Roberts calls in so Lawler can make alcoholism jokes. Goon kicks him in the face as the call ends. Mero hooks a horrible looking victory roll for two as Austin goes on an anti-Lex Luger rant for some reason. Oh and he’ll be ready to beat up Undertaker next week.
Goon grabs a chinlock as the alcohol jokes continue. At least it allows me to notice Goon’s ice skate shaped boots, a very nice touch. They head outside where Goon slips on the icing (oh geez) and hip checks the steps. Mero takes him down again with a flip dive, followed by a slingshot legdrop for the pin.
Rating: D-. Another horrible match here as Goon was a wrestling hockey player. I’ll give them something for having so many nice details but at the end of the day they’re putting this much effort into such a stupid gimmick. The crowd popped a lot stronger at the end and that’s a good sign, but can we PLEASE find a more interesting match already?
Shawn and Ahmed say they’ll win tonight.
Bob Backlund campaigns for President.
Attorney Clarence Mason lobbies Monsoon to let an ex-con back into the WWF. You can see Crush from behind as he stands next to them so it’s not really a secret.
Mankind vs. Freddie Joe Floyd
Freddie actually kicks Mankind outside to start but Mankind throws him into the ropes and pulls his own hair out. A discus clothesline sets up some choking in the corner and I’ll let you guess who is in control. Floyd is caught in the Tree of Woe but he avoids the running knee. Mankind eats a good looking top rope back elbow to the jaw but the Mandible Claw ends Floyd in a hurry.
Rating: C-. Actually not bad here, especially for a squash. Floyd was an energetic and talented guy who had a lot of success elsewhere (as Tracy Smothers in case you’re not familiar) so it was no surprise that he was one of the better options for this batch of losers who are running around the company at the moment.
Goldust vs. Barry Horowitz
Brian Pillman is on commentary and promises to say the seven words you can’t say on television. If nothing else we get the rocking Hava Nagila theme for Horowitz. Before we’re ready to go, we hear from Marc Mero about giving Vader cat scratch fever next week. Oh and he’s feuding with Goldust to make this actually matter. Brian makes lesbian jokes about Marlena and Sable as Goldust slowly beats on Barry. The Curtain Call wraps this up in a hurry.
Sunny and the Smoking Gunns are livid but know they’ll keep the belts.
Jim Cornette announces Vader as #1 contender for Shawn’s title at Summerslam. He’s going to take Shawn’s lunch money you see.
Tag Team Titles: Smoking Gunns vs. Shawn Michaels/Ahmed Johnson
The Gunns are defending again as that actually hasn’t changed in the last half hour. It’s a brawl to start with the challengers cleaning house and sending the Gunns outside. We settle down to Shawn punching Billy to officially start with Gunn quickly being knocked outside. Ahmed comes in to work on the arm as Billy begs off faster than someone asked to watch a Billy Gunn tape. Vince calls the team of Ahmed and Sid a threesome and I’m leaving that one alone.
A release powerslam (worse than it sounds) sends Billy flying and it’s back to Shawn for two off an ax handle. Bart finally cheats by breaking up a flying headscissors to put Shawn in trouble. The beatdown continues and of course the referee misses the tag off to Ahmed. Back from a break with Billy sending Shawn into the buckle for a near fall before slapping on a chinlock. That goes nowhere and the hot tag brings in Ahmed to clean house. Bart low bridges him though and here’s the debuting Faarooq (in full blue gladiator attire) to destroy Ahmed for the DQ.
Rating: C. This was already a huge improvement over everything we’ve seen in recent weeks and even then it’s still not all that great. It just helps when they have so much energy in a match like this, despite the screwy finish that set up something more down the line. At least this can get Shawn out of this story and ready to fight Vader.
The beating continues with Lawler actually mentioning Ron Simmons. Faarooq pledges his loyalty to Sunny to end the show.
Overall Rating: D+. Bad Goon match aside, this was much better than the previous weeks with some passable wrestling and a hot crowd. The fact that we’re coming up on Summerslam helps too as we’re actually getting ready for a show that matters instead of a mess like In Your House IX. Hopefully things stay warm like this as I can tolerate these shows for a little while at least.
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In Your House IX: International Incident (2013 Redo): The Most Worthless Show Ever
In Your House #9: International Incident Date: July 21, 1996
Location: General Motors Place, Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Attendance: 14,804
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross
The People’s Posse originally had the Ultimate Warrior teaming up with Johnson and Michaels, but Warrior bailed on the company again for asking for too much time off. Warrior claimed he was leaving due to not getting money he was owed and Vince McMahon claiming that he didn’t buy Warrior’s excuse of grieving over his father’s death. Either way, we get Sid tonight which might actually be the better option. Let’s get to it.
Earlier tonight on the Free For All, Cornette swung the tennis racket at Jose Lothario but got punched in the face for his efforts. Vader and Shawn came in to prevent any further violence. The main catch for the
Smoking Gunns vs. Bodydonnas
The Gunns are champions and have Sunny with them but this is non-title. The Bodydonnas have turned face with a new manager named Cloudy (a man in woman’s clothing), but no one cares about them at all either way. Sunny, who looks great as a cowgirl, won’t let Vince hold the tag titles. The Gunns are sent to the floor to start before we get down to Bart vs. Zip. They trade chops with neither guy seeming all that interested in selling for the other. Zip takes him down with an armdrag into an armbar before bringing in Skip to crank on it as well.
Bart gets tired of having his arm pulled apart so he throws Skip down and brings in Billy to fire off some right hands. A nice headscissors puts Billy down and Skip spins out of a few hiptosses, only to be punched down for his efforts. Skip grabs another armbar as the match slows down all over again. Out of nowhere Sunny collapses but as Skip goes to check on her she slaps him in the face, allowing the Gunns to clothesline him down.
Back in and the Gunns take over with Bart whipping Skip HARD into the corner to take him down. Skip comes back with a quick clothesline and goes up top, only to dive into a sweet powerslam for two. With Skip draped throat first over the top and Bart holding his legs up, Billy tries to jump over his partner’s back to land on Skip’s back but can’t get up and over Bart. If you can’t do the spot, don’t try it.
Skip and Bart mistime something out of the corner and awkwardly stop in the middle of the ring. Bart goes up top but jumps into an atomic drop, allowing for the hot tag off to Zip. Billy trips Zip down but can’t get in place for the Sidewinder (side slam/guillotine legdrop combo), allowing Skip to hit a missile dropkick on Bart to give Zip the pin.
Rating: D. This was a horrible choice for an opening match with WAY too much time and the botches dragging the match down. On top of that, why in the world would you make this a non-title match? To set up a future rematch? Why in the world wouldn’t you do this on Raw and then have the title match here? Very dull match here.
Camp Cornette rants about the fight with Cornette and Lothario while guaranteeing a win later.
Mankind vs. Henry Godwinn
Mankind is one of the most bizarre characters in wrestling history. He debuted the night after Wrestlemania and immediately targeted the Undertaker, easily beating him down like no one else ever had before. Mankind lives in a boiler room, often sits on the mat and rocks back and forth and is known to pull out his hair. He also wears a leather mask that covers half of his face and is missing part of an ear. Henry is substituting for Jake Roberts who didn’t show up for the show.
Mankind jumps Godwinn from behind to start but Henry is more than comfortable in a slugout. He punches Mankind in the face a few times and powerslams him down for two. Mankind pounds him down with shots to the back as Lawler makes jokes about Roberts’ substance abuse issues. Henry sweeps Mankind’s legs out and hits some HARD shots to the face, only to have Mankind choke him for a breather.
A running knee to Henry’s face has him in even more trouble so Mankind goes to the floor and pulls back the mats. Henry gets taken down by a swinging neckbreaker onto the concrete. Back in and Mankind misses a charge into the corner but he easily sends Henry out to the floor. Godwinn comes right back by slamming Mankind from the apron to the concrete but the Slop Drop is countered with into Mankind’s Mandible Claw for the win.
Rating: D+. Nothing great here but it was a nice brawl while it lasted. Henry was stuck in a stupid gimmick but he could throw some great right hands and brawl with the best of them. There’s nothing wrong with having a guy like that around as you’re going to get an entertaining match more often than not. Still though, nothing great here.
Mankind sprints up the aisle but stops at the entrance because he’s a bit strange.
Marc Mero vs. Steve Austin
This is a rematch from the King of the Ring tournament. Austin jumps him right after the bell but Mero comes back with a quick armbar. That gets him nowhere so Steve grabs a headlock and takes him down to the mat. Back up and they slug it out with Mero, a former New York Golden Gloves Champion, easily taking control. Austin is knocked to the floor and goes after Sable, only to be jumped from behind.
Back inside and Steve gets rolled up for two but manages to send Mero out to the floor to take over. A catapult sends Mero face first into the post and another shot knocks him off the apron and into the barricade. Back in and a middle rope elbow gets two for Austin and we hit a reverse chinlock. Austin slaps Mero in the back of the head but misses a charge and lands on the middle rope to give Marc a breather.
Steve goes up but gets crotched down, allowing Mero to pull him down and hook a hurricanrana to send both guys to the floor. A moonsault press off the apron takes Austin down again and a slingshot moonsault gets two back inside. Mero pounds away with right hands in the corner but Austin shoves him to the side, crotching Mero on the top rope. Marc blocks Austin’s Stunner finisher and gets two off a slingshot legdrop. For some reason Marlena comes out to watch the ending. Not that it matters though Austin comes back with a quick chop block and the Stunner connects for the pin.
Rating: C. Good stuff here for the most part but the match felt off for some reason. It’s very interesting to see Austin evolve the Stunner over the years as there’s no kick to the ribs yet and he just snaps it off. Mero wasn’t bad in the ring at all but he never quite fit in the WWF.
Former WWF Champion Bob Backlund is running for President of the United States and looks for registered voters in the crowd.
Highlight video on the Undertaker’s feuds with Mankind and Goldust, which is set up like a music video for some reason.
Goldust vs. Undertaker
Goldust, who has since lost the Intercontinental Title to Ahmed Johnson, bails to the floor to start and does so again after Undertaker moves towards him. He gets in again and hides behind the referee for a few moments before doing his trademark deep breath. It only earns him an uppercut to the jaw, sending Goldust right back to the floor for more stalling. Lawler makes movie references as Goldust teases walking out and VERY slowly gets back in the ring.
Undertaker finally goes out after him and chokeslams Goldust down onto the steps in an awkward looking sequence. Undertaker picks up the steps but won’t crush Marlena along with Goldust. Apparently he’s a zombie with a heart. Back in and Goldust gets clotheslined down before a legdrop gets two for Undertaker. This has been one sided so far. Goldust finally comes back with some knees in the corner to take over but Undertaker grabs him by the throat and throws him into the corner to hand out a beating.
The fans chant Rest in Peace (Undertaker catchphrase) as he connects with Old School and some uppercuts. Goldust clotheslines Undertaker over the top rope but Undertaker lands on his feet and keeps firing off uppercuts. Something resembling a Stunner across the top rope snaps Goldust’s neck back but he uses the distraction to pull the turnbuckle pad away. Undertaker is sent back first into the exposed steel to finally give Goldust control.
They head outside again so Goldust can drop the steps on Undertaker’s back to further his advantage. Back in and Goldust puts on a reverse chinlock to keep the pace of the match very slow. The fans chant for Undertaker so Goldust breaks the hold like any idiot heel would do. Undertaker comes back with a big boot to the face and a small package of all things for two. The flying clothesline takes Goldust down and there’s the Tombstone, drawing Mankind up through a hole in the ring for the DQ.
Rating: D-. Way too long here and horribly boring due to all of the stalling. Goldust and Undertaker had some of the least interesting matches I can ever remember for two guys with as much talent as they have. It was clearly just a backdrop for Undertaker vs. Mankind, which isn’t something you spend three months on.
Mankind pulls Undertaker through the hole with the Mandible Claw before crawling back out on his own. The lights flicker and Undertaker’s music plays but he comes out of another hole to sneak up on Mankind. They brawl to the back to one of the only good reactions of the night.
The announcers talk about the main event while the ring is repaired.
We go to the back to see the brawl between Undertaker and Mankind continue.
Goldust and Marlena are in the boiler room where Mankind and Undertaker were fighting earlier. Goldust quotes Kramer vs. Kramer when Mankind pops up and calls Goldust mommy. Mankind rams his head into a cabinet while screaming about what mommy wants, mommy gets.
The announcers ignore what we just saw and talk about the main event a bit more.
We recap the main event six man tag which started at King of the Ring. Shawn pinned British Bulldog in the rematch but Vader and Owen Hart came in for a post match attack. Ultimate Warrior and Ahmed Johnson came in for the save, setting up the six man. Ultimate Warrior was suspended a few weeks after for reasons already mentioned, so Shawn and Ahmed brought in Sid to take his place. It’s not clear if Sid can be trusted though.
The People’s Posse says they can trust Sid and they’ll win tonight.
People’s Posse vs. Camp Cornette
If Camp Cornette loses, Cornette has to pay back all of the fans, which would cost him millions. Also Owen has a broken arm coming in. Vader and Ahmed start things off but Vader wants the world champion instead. Shawn is happy to oblige and is easily shoved away by the monster. Vader lifts Shawn into the air in a choke but Shawn punches his way to freedom. Shawn speeds things up and actually hits a running hurricanrana to take Vader down. A cross body sends Vader to the floor and Michaels follows with a nice plancha to take the monster down.
Shawn tries another hurricanrana but gets hit a bit low to give Vader control. Vader pounds away in the corner and Shawn is in quick trouble. Michaels manages to escapes a belly to back suplex and makes the hot tag off to Sid for a battle of the giants. Sid cleans house and sends all of Camp Cornette out to the floor, drawing a HUGE reaction from the crowd. Owen tries to sneak in from behind but is easily taken down by another clothesline. Off to Johnson who actually rolls German suplexes on Owen.
Johnson misses an elbow drop and it’s off to the Bulldog to pound away for a bit until he gets caught in a spinebuster. Ahmed hits his Pearl River Plunge tiger bomb but it’s Owen making the save. Off to Vader for some power but Ahmed pounds him down in the corner to keep the fans into things the entire way through. Vader easily reverses a whip into the corner and hits a hard splash followed by even more fists to the head and body. Another splash attempt is caught in a slam which looked WAY easier than it should have for Ahmed.
Owen comes in and takes Johnson down with a spinwheel kick but Johnson pops up at two. Johnson keeps coming back with a gorilla press slam and it’s back to Sid for a big boot to the face before firing off some very fast right hands in the corner. Sid whips Owen into the Cornette corner and it’s time for the Bulldog vs. Sid power match. Smith actually lifts him up in the delayed vertical suplex and a Vader elbow is good for two. Vader runs Sid over again and brings Smith back in for some headbutts.
Sid is able to get in a shot to the face and makes the tag off to Shawn, but Bulldog quickly avoids a charge to send Shawn shoulder first into the post. Shawn sends Bulldog into Vader to knock the big man off the apron and get a pair of two counts on Smith. Back to Owen to trade some VERY fast rollups with Shawn for two each before Shawn gets two more off a cross body. A victory roll gets the same for Michaels and they head to the mat before bridging into Ric Flair’s trademark pinfall reversal sequence. Outstanding sequence there.
Back to Bulldog for a legdrop but Michaels avoids an elbow drop to get a breather. Owen finally uses the cast on the bad arm to put Shawn down and it’s back to Vader to pound away on the world champion. Shawn is whipped across the ring and goes over the corner and out to the floor in a big crash. After Owen and Bulldog get in some cheap shots on the floor it’s back in for a half standing chinlock/half bearhug on Shawn with Vader’s arms wrapped around his neck and under his arms. Not a bad looking hold actually.
The hold stays on for awhile as a fan tries to interfere and is easily run off by Bulldog and the referee. After several minutes of the hold, Vader throws Shawn down and splashes him but Ahmed comes in to break up a cover. Bulldog comes in and puts on an over the shoulder backbreaker followed by a fallaway slam for two. Smith misses a charge into the corner but it’s Hart breaking up the hot tag attempt yet again.
Shawn punches Owen down but can’t follow up, allowing for another tag back to Davey, whose cover is quickly broken up by a Sid legdrop. Vader gets the tag and Shawn crawls over to make one as well, but the referee doesn’t see Ahmed get the tag. Johnson protests but Shawn gets triple teamed, giving Bulldog another two count. Owen tries a missile dropkick but hits Bulldog by mistake, allowing Shawn to FINALLY make the tag off to Sid.
The big man cleans house and chokeslams every member of Camp Cornette before launching Shawn off the top onto Vader for two. Everything breaks down and Cornette throws in the tennis racket but Shawn intercepts it to clock Vader in the head. Somehow that’s only good for two so Shawn tunes up the band, only to have Cornette trip him up. Vader runs Michaels over and hits the Vader Bomb for the pin to suck the life out of the crowd.
Rating: A-. REALLY good match here with everyone working hard and having a match that had the fans going nuts. Sid’s popularity is nearly astounding as the guy was just crazy over on about three moves. The ending was obvious, but on rare occasions that’s not a bad thing with this being a good example of that.
Post match Sid and Ahmed clean house with powerbombs to Owen and Bulldog but Vader is pulled to safety. Shawn dives over the top and takes out Vader, sending Camp Cornette running off. A lot of posing ends the show.
Overall Rating: D. The only thing that is holding up this show is the main event. Let’s look at this entire card: what in the world would you want to pay for on this show? There are five matches, zero titles on the line, and the one match that might draw some interest had a telegraphed ending. This was a terribly uninteresting show which set a record for the lowest buyrate in company history as not many people cared about seeing this show. It also doesn’t help that two weeks prior to this, Hulk Hogan turned heel in WCW, lighting the fire that would burn the WWF as close to a crisp as you can be for the next year and a half.
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Monday Night Raw – July 15, 1996: I Need Some Nitro
Monday Night Raw Date: July 15, 1996
Location: Brown County Expo, Green Bay, Wisconsin
Attendance: 4,660
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler
It’s FINALLY time to wrap up this horrible cycle as it’s the go home show for the dreadful In Your House IX. The big story coming out of last week is Sid joining forces with Shawn Michaels and Ahmed Johnson in their fight against Camp Cornette, leading to a main event that serves no purpose other than to set up Summerslam. Let’s get to it.
Sunday’s main event participants almost got in a fight earlier today but were cut off by an opening sequence. You never know when one of those things might save you.
Intercontinental Title: Bart Gunn vs. Ahmed Johnson
It’s going to be a very long night. Ahmed is defending because he was talented enough to get a singles title. Bart is half of the Tag Team Champions and has Sunny as a cowgirl so I’m thinking advantage Gunn. Ahmed starts with the power by throwing Bart over off a hiptoss. A clothesline drops Ahmed and it’s time to stomp a lot. Bart starts working on the arm with some slow cranking and a wrap around the post.
We hit an armbar on the mat before Bart puts on a hammerlock with his feet. The referee finally catches Sunny cheating but Ahmed charges shoulder first into the post. That means a cross armbreaker as Vince goes into a mini tirade about Warrior walking out and not being above the rest of the roster. The arm goes into the buckle and we take a break. Geez Vince we’re already watching this horrible show. What more do you need? Back with Ahmed crotching Bart on top and Ahmed knocking him off the ropes for a big crash. A spinebuster and the Pearl River Plunge retain the title.
Rating: F. You could hear the crowd more and more every time Bart worked on the arm. This was WAY too long and boring with Bart Gunn being as uninteresting of a challenger that they could find. It was a horrible idea all around and I can’t imagine anyone actually thought this would work.
Shawn Michaels says he’ll win tonight and again on Sunday.
Marc Mero vs. T.L. Hopper
So last week we got rid of the wrestling garbageman but tonight we have the wrestling plumber. On the way to the ring, Goldust’s usher runs out and gives Sable a gold package but she throws it down. To celebrate the passing of the torch, we get a look at Hopper pinning Droese over the weekend. Oh and plumbing videos. Why would those be recorded?
Mero takes him down and works on a headlock, followed by a dropkick that made no contact, even with the camera cutting away. We go to a split screen with Camp Cornette celebrating something we can’t hear because the audio doesn’t work. Hopper takes him down for a headscissors on the mat as the crowd is just GONE.
Can you blame them after the last few weeks of this show? I’m sure the empty seats are just a coincidence. There are long stretches of this match going on and there’s just nothing to talk about. They’re just slowly punching each other as Lawler and Vince make every stupid plumber joke you can imagine.
We take a break and the silence when we come back is eerie. Steve Austin joins us and I really don’t care what he says (he’s ready for Mero on Sunday in case you’re wondering) because it’s instantly more interesting than whatever these two are doing in the ring. Lawler starts turning into a sexist as there are even more empty seats. Mero hits a running knee lift and FINALLY finishes him with the big left hand.
Rating: F-. Earlier today I was reading Chris Jericho’s first book and he talked about being offered a chance to join the WWF in one of these roster filling spots with the stupid gimmicks. If Jericho has ever made a better career move I’d love to hear what it was because these things are absolutely death for these people’s careers and it’s no wonder you never hear from them again. I don’t remember being this bored in a match for a long time and that includes Gunn vs. Johnson, which I didn’t think would be topped for years.
Camp Cornette says they’ll win.
Here’s a three minute Undertaker video. Do they just want everyone to switch over to Nitro? I’d be glad to at this point. You know what? That’s not a bad idea. Here’s a match from the same week’s Nitro for the sake of keeping you awake.
Chris Benoit vs. Eddie Guerrero
Think this will be good? Benoit is a Horseman and Eddie is starting to get a pretty solid push which would result in a US Title reign by the end of the year. Even Heenan knows this is going to be a great match. This is one of those combinations that is going to be awesome due to them knowing each other so well. Those are always fun as they don’t have to waste time figuring each other out.
Benoit jumps him to start and pounds Eddie down in the corner. Hard whip into the corner and Benoit goes into Wolverine mode. And let’s talk about Hogan now. Eddie gets draped over the top as Benoit keeps the advantage. Off to the chinlock rather quickly and thankfully it ends quickly. Reverse suplex is countered by Eddie and he sends Benoit to the floor with an armdrag. Big dive off the top takes both guys down.
Back inside Eddie busts out the hilo but doesn’t cover. Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker puts Benoit down again. Eddie vs. Flair at the PPV is announced. Benoit gets a shot in and let’s look at the NWO sign again because the Outsiders are gone. Benoit shows off those steroid muscles with a gorilla press. There’s a camel clutch despite Eddie not really resembling a camel at all. They show the crowd again and this time I can live with it because we’re in a hold. There’s nothing to see here so it’s not as stupid of a move here.
Eddie gets up and fires off a belly to back suplex to break Benoit’s momentum. Benoit is like screw that and hits a hard chop and the snap suplex gets two. Eric loves talking about the fact that he’s taking a motorcycle to Sturgis for the PPV. Liontamer goes on before Jericho had copyrighted it. BIG powerbomb plants Eddie but a delay in the cover lets Eddie get out of it. Benoit works on the back with a backbreaker and then holds Eddie over the knee for a bit to add in some more pain. The guy knew how to hurt people.
Back to the chinlock which I can understand now as they’ve been out there for a bit and probably need some air. Benoit puts him down again and goes up but Guerrero pops up and nails a superplex to put Chris down. Solid stuff so far. Benoit gets up first as both guys were down for a bit. Eddie fires away in the corner and they slug it out. Apparently every big name is in Japan tonight.
Benoit wins the chop fest but Eddie knocks him down in the corner. Eddie tries a hurricanrana which Benoit mostly blocks as he walks to the rope. The hurricanrana hits anyway and it takes both guys over the top to the floor. Malenko pops up for no apparent reason as does Jimmy Hart. Malenko sends Benoit’s head into the post and Eddie just barely beats the count back in. This led to a thirty minute or so war between Malenko and Benoit at the PPV.
Rating: B. This was your typical great match between the two but I’m not huge on the ending. It did however set up a match at the PPV which is all you can ask for. Also you don’t want Benoit losing clean nor do you want Eddie losing before they get to a PPV title match. The decision was really all that they could do and thankfully we got a very good match until that point.
By the time I went into my flash drive, found that show and pulled up the review, this Undertaker video is STILL GOING.
WWF World Title: Billy Gunn vs. Shawn Michaels
Shawn is defending as we complete the Smoking Gunns two step. Billy headlocks him to start and a shoulder puts the champ (the WWF World Champ that is) down. We go to a chat with Ahmed who guarantees victory on Sunday. Billy is sent outside so Shawn kisses Sunny and sunset flips Billy for two. The yet to be named Fameasser (minus the jump) gets two on Shawn so he crotches Billy against the post. Sunny offers a distraction so Billy can slam Shawn off the top to take over.
We take a break with Vince shouting “WHAT DOES SEX HAVE TO DO WITH THE WWF CHAMPIONSHIP???” I’ll leave the context out for the sake of preventing boredom. Back with Billy putting on a chinlock and the slow beating continues. Lawler freaks out as Sunny leans over and brags about Billy winning the title. We see Camp Cornette leaving and it’s time for another break. Back again with Shawn nipping up, dropping the elbow and hitting Sweet Chin Music to retain.
Rating: D. Somehow that’s the best thing of the night and I assure you it has nothing to do with Sunny running all over the place. Shawn was much better than anyone else on this show but that’s hardly a great accomplishment. I still don’t know what anyone saw in Billy as a singles run but at least he was better than Bart.
Cornette throws coffee at Shawn to lure he and Ahmed into a beatdown. Sid drives up seconds later, nearly crashes his car, and runs over towards the brawl to end the show.
Overall Rating: Agoobwa. This might be the worst episode of Monday Night Raw that I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen every episode in the show’s history. It’s very clear that they were out of gas at this point and there was no one wanting to put in any effort before we get to the worthless pay per view this weekend. Just a miserable show here which felt like it would never end, as was the case way too often around this time.
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Monday Night Raw – July 8, 1996: The Other Third Man
Monday Night Raw Date: July 8, 1996
Location: Brown County Expo, Green Bay, Wisconsin
Attendance: 4,660
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler
We’re coming up on In Your House IX, which was barely mentioned last week. To be fair though, it’s not like anyone cared about that waste of a show so they might as well just punt for the next two weeks and be done with it. The big deal this week is Ultimate Warrior’s last appearance for nearly 18 years due to him leaving the company (again) before this was taped, meaning he’s making “one last special appearance” here. Let’s get to it.
WWF President Gorilla Monsoon suspends Ultimate Warrior indefinitely for not appearing at house shows. He can come back if he posts an appearance bond to guarantee that he’ll show up as advertised in the future. Oh but he’s here tonight to face Owen Hart.
Opening sequence.
Ultimate Warrior vs. Owen Hart
Owen is sent outside to start and let’s go to Shawn Michaels and Ahmed Johnson to ask who they’ll be teaming with on Sunday. We’ll find that out later so we’ll look at Warrior slamming Owen instead and then clotheslining him out to the floor. A side slam plants Owen before Warrior no sells a spinwheel kick. Owen stomps away and we take a break. Back with Owen stomping even more and hitting a loud enziguri for no cover. A missile dropkick (Owen really likes using his feet) gets two and the kickout sends Owen out to the floor. Here’s the British Bulldog as Warrior Hulks Up, only to have Bulldog come in for the DQ.
Rating: C+. So that’s it for the Warrior, who left because his dad died, despite not really having anything to do with his dad for years. This got really nasty between Warrior and the company and led to them having no relationship for the better part of twenty years. Yeah Warrior was basically nuts but they completely buried him on the way out, which is rather petty.
Camp Cornette destroys Warrior post match and that’s that.
Shawn and Ahmed promise to reveal the third man. This has to be a bit of a rib or something at Hogan’s expense right? I mean it’s not funny (nor is it meant to be) but I’m sure there’s something there.
Savio Vega vs. Justin Hawk Bradshaw
Brian Pillman tries to jump Savio but gets held back. They slug it out to start with Savio hitting a spinwheel kick over the corner, only to get caught in a bulldog (required move for almost all Texans, or at least cowboys). Another slugout goes nowhere until Uncle Zebekiah punches Savio in the ribs. Lawler thinks John Travolta is the third man and Vince’s reaction is exactly what you would expect.
We hit the sleeper on Savio but Bradshaw switches over to a chinlock to really mix things up. The discussion moves on to the third man, which turns into an Abbott and Costello routine. It’s back to the sleeper for a long time so now let’s have a phone call from Mr. Perfect to give the announcers ANYTHING else to talk about. We take a break and come back with Mr. Perfect gone and Bradshaw hitting a pumphandle slam. This match just keeps going as Savio avoids a charge and gets in a suplex to put both guys down. Zebekiah grabs the wrong foot and Savio hits a leg lariat to FINALLY end this.
Rating: D-. Sweet goodness what a mess. This is the definition of a match that just keeps going and serves no purpose other than filling in time on a show that isn’t interesting in the first place. That’s the major problem around this time: there’s nothing interesting about these two fighting because there’s no reason for them to have a fifteen minute match. Why would I want to sit and watch a long match with no story between uninteresting characters?
Zebekiah and Bradshaw use various cowboy instruments to beat Savio down.
Shawn and Ahmed still won’t say who it is.
Clips from a rally before a show.
British Bulldog/Yokozuna vs. Godwinns
Jim Cornette sits in on commentary and promises a lawsuit due to the Godwinns’ animals. Henry runs Bulldog over to start but Vader comes in to destroy him. Cornette tries to figure out the Warrior suspension angle and says Warrior is running from Camp Cornette but it didn’t work either. Henry actually suplexes Vader before shouldering the monster down. It’s off to Phineas for a horrible looking splash so Vader takes his head off with a clothesline.
Bulldog comes in and gets caught in a bulldog (make your own joke) as the slow brawling continues. We hit a chinlock on Henry before Bulldog just hits him in the back a few times. This match just keeps going as Vader hits a splash for two as Vince tells us that we can’t get a promised Undertaker video. Maybe you should cut down on fifteen minute Bradshaw vs. Vega match. The Vader Bomb crushes Henry and we take a break. You know, because Vader’s finisher can’t beat HENRY GODWINN.
Back with Bulldog suplexing Henry for two and bringing Vader back in to keep this going. Henry actually catches a charging Vader in a powerslam, drawing Cornette off commentary and into his manager’s role. The un-hot tag brings in Phineas as Cornette is back on commentary and calling his team idiots. Everything breaks down and Bulldog hits the powerslam (without even running) for the pin on Phineas.
Rating: D. Again just long here in a match that could have wrapped up about ten minutes earlier than it should have. Somehow this was an upgrade over the previous match though, perhaps due to Bulldog and Vader being a lot more entertaining than Vega or Bradshaw. This really could have been better if they just cut off about five minutes but this is what we’re stuck with because Raw sucks.
Jim Cornette isn’t worried about the new partner so Shawn and Ahmed bring in Sid to send Cornette through the roof to end the show.
Overall Rating: D-. Another way too long and boring show with a bunch of matches that fans weren’t interested in seeing and a really bad way of sending Warrior off. The Sid idea was about as good as they were going to get and I’m fine with the WHO IS THE THIRD MAN thing as they did it for one night and made it fine enough to work. This cycle can’t end soon enough though so we can get on to the Summerslam build.
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In Your House V: Seasons Beatings (2013 Redo): It Wasn’t THAT Bad
In Your House #5: Seasons Beatings Date: December 17, 1995
Location: Hersheypark Arena, Hershey, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 7,289
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler
In addition to the main event of British Bulldog challenging Bret Hart for the WWF World Title, this is the first In Your House to feature the Undertaker on the pay per view (he had wrestled in several post PPV dark matches already). It’s rather interesting that one of the biggest and certainly most unique stars in the company hadn’t appeared in the first four editions of a PPV series and I’m not sure why he hadn’t. Anyway tonight he faces King Mabel in his signature match: the casket match. Let’s get to it.
The opening video starts with various symbols of Christmas before transitioning to shots of the Hart Family splitting apart as well as the Bulldog pinning Bret Hart at Summerslam 1992 in a masterpiece.
Santa Claus is here handing out presents.
Jerry Lawler promises us a big surprise.
Razor Ramon/Marty Jannetty vs. Sycho Sid/1-2-3 Kid
The Kid is full heel now and a part of the Million Dollar Team. Goldust rubs his chest while watching Razor come to the ring. Marty and the Kid start things off with Jannetty scoring with an enziguri for two. Some shoulder blocks and a clothesline get the same on the Kid and Marty goes over for the tag, freaking the Kid out. An atomic drop has Kid in trouble and now it’s off to Razor for the showdown. The Kid bails to the floor for a second but gets a toothpick in his face back inside.
Razor is having a good time but a blind tag brings in Sid to take over for the Million Dollar Team. Back to the Kid for a kick to the face but Razor glares at him after some chops. Sid comes back in to pound Ramon down and get cheered by the crowd in a surprising reaction. Razor comes back with some right hands and a double clothesline puts both guys down. A double tag brings in Marty to run over the Kid again and a powerslam is good for two.
A front flip facebuster out of the corner gets two on the Kid and it’s off to a camel clutch of all things. We go to Todd Petingill in the crowd with Goldust who quotes movie lines and expresses his lust for Ramon. This goes on for several minutes but at least we’re on split screen. Goldust asks Todd to give Razor a letter. Back to the match and Marty punches his way out of the corner but his cross body is caught in a powerslam for two.
Back to the Kid for a bad looking slam and a better looking guillotine legdrop for two before it’s back to Sid. Ramon gets suckered into the ring but gets in a right hand to the Kid. Marty is turned inside out by a clothesline and it’s off to a chinlock. Kid comes back in to drop a leg and then bring Sid back inside for some shots to the back.
It’s the Kid in again but he misses a charge in the corner, allowing for the tag off to Razor as things speed up. The fallaway slam puts Kid on the floor but Sid breaks up the Razor’s Edge. Not that it matters as Razor hits a quick middle rope bulldog (his finisher before he was in the WWF) for the pin.
Rating: D+. Not a terrible match but it went on too long for what they were going for. Jannetty was an odd choice as Razor’s partner against DiBiase’s boys as he was basically fighting everyone himself, but it was all about the him vs. the Kid anyway. Nothing much to see here and not the best choice for an opening match.
Here’s Jerry Lawler in the ring with a present for the returning Jeff Jarrett. After sucking up to Jeff for awhile, the present is opened to reveal a gold record of Ain’t I Great, Jeff’s single from six months earlier. Jarrett brags about how great he is and it doesn’t make anything more interesting. The only thing of note is he enters himself in the Royal Rumble.
Dean Douglas vs. Ahmed Johnson
Douglas says he has a back injury and can’t wrestle, so here’s his prized student Buddy Landell.
Buddy Landell vs. Ahmed Johnson
This is actually a joke, as Buddy Landell is a Ric Flair ripoff and comes to the ring to Flair’s WWF music in a Flair style robe. Douglas hates Flair in real life (never mentioned here of course), so it’s supposed to be funny that Douglas is Flair’s teacher or something like that. Not that it matters as Ahmed, a muscular monster with one of the most intimidating looks ever, destroys Landell and beats him with a Pearl River Plunge (double underhook powerbomb) in 32 seconds.
Post match Johnson paddles Douglas with the Board of Education. This would be Douglas’ last appearance. Lawler interviews Johnson and calls him stupid, allowing Jarrett to break the gold record over Johnson’s head. Jeff also gets in a few chair shots and rams Ahmed into the steps a couple of times, but Ahmed no sells them and chases Jarrett off.
Todd gives Razor the letter from Goldust and Ramon is disgusted, because it’s 1995 and anyone gay has to be a heel right?
Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. Henry Godwinn
This is a hogpen match, meaning there’s an actual hog pen with pigs and mud near the entrance and the winner is the first man to send his opponent into said pin. Why is this match happening you ask? Simply put it’s because Godwinn is a hog farmer so he associates with hogs. One note characters like him had a lot to do with the downfall of the WWF at this point, as there’s no interest to such characters, meaning there’s no reason to stick around and watch them. The guest referee is 1980s crowd favorite Hillbilly Jim.
Godwinn slops the ring announcer before the match starts for no apparent reason. Helmsley jumps Godwinn but is quickly sent to the floor for his efforts. Back in and Henry ties him in the ropes so he can rub more slop in Helmsley’s face. After nearly retching, Helmsley takes it back to the floor, only to be bulldogged face first into the steps.
They head up the pen with Henry being whipped into the gate but still managing to block a Pedigree attempt with a backdrop. Helmsley lands on the edge of the pen and kicks Henry down before dropping an elbow to the chest. Lawler makes Jeff Foxworthy style jokes about being from Arkansas as they head back inside where Godwinn hits a big wheelbarrow slam. Helmsley is whipped to two corners and out to the floor for another handful of slop. Henry hits the Slop Drop up by the pen but can’t follow up. Instead he charges at Helmsley and gets backdropped into the slop to end things.
Rating: C-. This actually wasn’t that bad as it was a regular match until the ending. Again though, why am I supposed to care? It’s the lowest level of comedy and storytelling possible, which doesn’t mean it’s necessarily bad, but we have no reason to care about either of these guys so why should I be interested in the match?
Post match Henry slams Helmsley into the pen for fun. That’s a nice idea as at least the fans get the (limited) payoff.
We recap Diesel’s change of attitude since he lost the world title at Survivor Series, which has seen him act much more aggressive. This was what he should have been doing as champion.
Diesel vs. Owen Hart
This is a revenge match for Diesel as Owen kicked Shawn Michaels in the head and put him on the shelf as a result. Diesel launches Owen into the corner to start and hits a big side slam for no cover. The arena is full of smoke from Diesel’s entrance. Owen comes back with some right hands but Diesel easily throws him to the outside for a meeting with Cornette.
Back in and Owen scores with a missile dropkick before going after Diesel’s knee to take him down. A spinwheel kick gets two on Diesel but he easily kicks Hart away to break up a spinning toe hold. Diesel comes back with a big boot and the Jackknife (“This is for you Shawn!”) but he takes his foot off Owen’s chest at two. The referee begs him to let it end so Diesel shoves him down for the DQ.
Rating: D+. The match was going along pretty well until the stupid ending. I understand that they’re trying to push Diesel as being more aggressive, but having him lose isn’t the way to go about doing that. This is Diesel’s third straight PPV loss which doesn’t make me think he’s a monster but rather a guy who can’t finish his opponents.
Here are Savio Vega and Santa Claus to hand out presents to the fans, but Ted DiBiase interrupts them. He says everyone has a price and calls them both into the ring. DiBiase doesn’t believe Santa can make it around the world in one night but he knows someone who can. Savio says he doesn’t have a price and says he believes in Santa.
However, this isn’t the real Santa. It’s really…..XANTA CLAUS, Santa’s evil brother from the south pole who steals presents from children. I wish I was making this up but I promise you it’s real. Xanta lays out Savio and leaves with DiBiase but Savio chases after them, only to get beaten up again. Vince: “SAY IT’S NOT SO!!!” Xanta is played by future ECW mainstay Balls Mahoney.
Mabel says he isn’t scared of the Undertaker, who has returned after having his face crushed by Mabel and Yokozuna. Tonight it’s a casket match, meaning you have to put your opponent in a casket and close the lid to win.
King Mabel vs. Undertaker
Mable now has a very stupid looking mohawk to go with his stupid looking gold and purple pajamas. He jumps Undertaker to start but Undertaker comes back with rights and lefts in the corner. Mabel takes him down with a Boss Man Slam but Undertaker pops right back up. A clothesline gets the same result but a slam keeps Undertaker down for a bit. Mabel goes up for a middle rope splash but Taker moves to avoid probably death. Instead a belly to belly and legdrop keep Undertaker down and there’s a splash for good measure.
Mabel and Sir Mo roll Taker into the casket but don’t shut the lid because they’re not that bright. Undertaker blocks the eventual lid closure as Mabel is dancing in the ring with his crown. Back in and Taker pounds away before kicking Mabel into the casket. Mo’s save is easily thwarted with a chokeslam and he gets thrown in as well. Undertaker takes back the necklace made from the Urn (don’t ask) and slams the lid shut for the win.
Rating: D+. This was about as perfect as you could get to end the Undertaker vs. Mabel feud but it doesn’t help that we had to sit through it for so many months. Thankfully Mabel was gone soon after this with his last notable appearance coming in January. Undertaker is a good force to have back in the company as he was probably the third most popular guy in the company at this point.
Post match Undertaker motions that he wants the WWF Title.
Jim Cornette walks us through Bret’s history with the Bulldog, who is married to Bret’s sister. Unlike in 1992 where the sister Diana was split on who to cheer for, she’s firmly in her husband’s corner tonight.
Bret says he’s making up for 1992 tonight.
WWF World Title: Bret Hart vs. British Bulldog
The much stronger Bulldog shoves the champion into the corner to start but Bret grabs an armbar to take over. Davey flips around a lot but ultimately takes Bret down by the hair like a true villain should. Back to the armbar by Bret as we take a look at Cornette’s tennis racket cover which looks like Santa Claus’ face. Bret gets two off a cross body and goes right back to the arm. Smith comes back with another hair pull before tying Bret up in the Tree of Woe (hanging him upside down in the corner) to stomp away.
Off to the chinlock as the fans are solidly behind Bret. They soon get bored of cheering for him though and start chanting for the then upstart promotion ECW. Vince informs us that the Undertaker has challenged the winner of this match for the Royal Rumble. After a Cornette tennis racket shot we’re in the third chinlock less than ten minutes into the match before the required chest first bump into the buckle gets two on Hart.
A backdrop puts Bret down for two more and we hit the chinlock again. At least this time he makes it a headlock as the fans chant USA, in theory for the Canadian champion. Bret comes back with a monkey flip and a bulldog to the Bulldog for two. A piledriver lays Smith out for two more but Bulldog crotches Bret on the ropes to break up a superplex. Bret falls to the floor and the fans want a table. Instead they get the champion being sent into the steps as Bulldog is in control.
Smith sends him hard into the barricade and Bret is busted wide open. Back in and Bulldog piledrives Bret down for a near fall before pounding at the cut on the forehead. The delayed vertical suplex gets the same and there’s a gorilla press slam for good measure. Bulldog channels his former partner the Dynamite Kid with a headbutt to the back for two. Smith seems to have hurt his knee though so Bret tries a quick Sharpshooter, only to have Smith break it up just as easily.
A hard shoulder puts Bret onto the floor so Smith can try to get some feeling back into his knee. Bret counters a suplex back inside into a rollup for yet another near fall before a double clothesline puts both guys down. They’re quickly back up and a backdrop puts Smith on the floor. Bret is ticked off now and dives over the top to pound away on Smith even more. Davey will have none of that though and powerslams Bret down on the floor to suck the life out of the crowd.
The protective mats are peeled back but Bret blocks a suplex by crotching Davey on the barricade in a nice callback to earlier in the match. Bret clotheslines him off the barricade and heads back inside where a backbreaker gets two. Now the superplex connects for two and an O’Connor Roll gets the same. In a really sudden finish, Bulldog charges into a boot in the corner and Bret cradles him for the pin. The look on Diana’s face makes the ending even better as it almost says “HOW DARE YOU KEEP THE TITLE!”
Rating: B-. This got WAY better in the end but the first ten minutes or so of this were pretty dreadful. Also the ending didn’t do it any favors as I was expecting a callback to the Summerslam 1992 match but we didn’t get anything close to it. Still though, good match and by far the best thing we’ve had on one of these shows in the last two shows.
Paul Bearer (Undertaker’s odd manager) and Undertaker are pleased that they get a title shot at the Royal Rumble. Diesel comes in and says it’s his shot. The giants stare each other down to end the show.
Overall Rating: D+. While this isn’t a good show, it’s WAY better than the previous two entries in the series. Bret is just better as champion as he can work with almost any style and get a better match out of most people. The rest of the card was pretty horrible, but things would be changing quickly around here which is the best thing that could have happened for the WWF.
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Monday Night Raw – December 11, 1995: GET TO JANUARY ALREADY!
Monday Night Raw Date: December 11, 1995 Location: Richmond Coliseum, Richmond, Virginia
Attendance: 4,500 Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler
It’s the go home show for In Your House V and thank goodness for that. This show will see Bret Hart facing Bob Backlund in a non-title match which could range anywhere from a great display of wrestling psychology to one of the most boring matches you’ll see this year. Other than that we’re probably in for some bad wrestling from one note characters. Let’s get to it.
Vince and the King talk about how Bob Backlund is spreading a disease called the crossface chickenwing and Bret Hart hopes to have the cure.
Shawn Michaels will talk tonight.
Opening sequence.
Owen Hart vs. Jeff Hardy
Owen has Yokozuna, Jim Cornette and Mr. Fuji in his corner. A knee to the ribs puts Jeff down as we see Diesel watching in the back. Owen punches him in the ropes and a missile dropkick makes things even worse. Hart teases the Sharpshooter but decides to just cover Jeff to make him obsolete.
Post match Yokozuna hits a Banzai Drop to leave Hardy broken. Am I allowed to say that? Owen gives him a bonus Sharpshooter, drawing out Diesel for the save. I can always go with a fired up Diesel hitting people at a run.
Aja Kong vs. Chapparita Asari
Asari is rather tiny, especially next to the monster Kong. Things start fast with Asari handspringing into back to back mule kicks, only to be run over by a Vader style standing splash. A hard right hand to the face sets up a harder suplex to plant Asari. Kong goes a bit ahead of her time with a package piledriver for two as King makes fat jokes because men in wrestling are horrible people. Aja misses a splash but avoids the Sky Twister Press (it’s as cool as it sounds) and SMASHES Asari with a spinning backfist for the pin and a lot of blood from Asari’s nose.
Rating: B. This was a squash but sweet goodness Aja Kong looked amazing with those hard hitting shots. Asari was destroyed but when your two moves are a handspring mule kick and the Sky Twister Press, I can only be so critical. Kong probably would have been Women’s Champion after beating Alundra Blayze if Alundra wasn’t a week away from trashing the title on Nitro.
Todd Pettengill sits down with Shawn Michaels, who says he’s feeling better and his symptoms are going away. Shawn thinks he’s awesome but Todd cuts him off by saying he had a great career without being WWF World Champion. Michaels says he’s got goals to achieve but Todd mentions retirement and Shawn is done talking.
Ahmed Johnson vs. Rick Stockhauser
The spinebuster and Pearl River Plunge wrap up the jobber in about a minute.
Post match Johnson says he’s ready for Dean Douglas but calls himself a man of few words. No arguments there.
And now, the bizarre portion of our show. We go to a kid looking at a police lineup consisting of Razor Ramon, Yokozuna, Hakushi, another wrestler and a normal person in Santa Claus outfits. The kid identifies the one in the middle as the man who told him that smoking is good for you, all wrestlers are wimps and SANTA CLAUS ISN’T REAL. The wrestlers then procede to BEAT THE MAN HALF TO DEATH, including Razor loading him up for a Razor’s Edge on the concrete floor. “Happy Holidays from the WWF!”
Raw Bowl ad. I still have no idea why I’m supposed to be interested in a football themed show, but I could go for Freddie Blassie as a football coach every day.
Here are Ted DiBiase, Sid and the 1-2-3 Kid for a chat. DiBiase says they’re one big happy family and Razor isn’t going to get his hands on the Kid without Sid being right there waiting on him. Kid knows you don’t worry about the fans because all that matters is the money you make from winning. Sid is ready for anything Razor and Jannetty can do because he and Kid are family. The beating is going to be fun and Sid is going to enjoy it. That’s about it as this feud really isn’t doing much for me.
Bob Backlund vs. Bret Hart
Non-title. British Bulldog’s wife/Bret’s sister Diana Smith is in the audience. Bret takes it to the mat to start and Backlund bails to the ropes. A headscissors slows Bret down but he comes right back with a front facelock. We go split screen to see Lawler interviewing Diana Smith and she doesn’t have much to say, as usual. To be fair she wasn’t a performer and it’s not fair to expect her to be a great talker.
The dull wrestling continues as the lights seem to get dark, implying that the fans are leaving. We take a quick break and come back with Bob holding his back on the floor. Bob starts in on the arm with the chickenwing but Bret is quickly in the ropes. Lawler spends this section of the match talking about music as we hit the armbar on Bret.
A Fujiwara Armbar kills even more time and we hear about Frank Sinatra’s birthday. The armbarring continues as this is dying before my eyes. Not before the fans’ eyes as they’re likely asleep at home by this point. Another break takes us to Bret coming back with his usual but Bulldog comes in for the DQ.
Rating: D. For a pairing that should give you a dream match, these two really don’t put up great matches most of the time they’re together. Maybe it’s the styles being too similar, maybe it’s the expectations the match creates or maybe they just don’t have chemistry but for some reason these two know how to bore the heck out of the audience more often than not. I can go for a technical style such as their Survivor Series 1994 match but this was just boring.
Backlund puts on the crossface chickenwing as Bulldog stomps away a lot to wrap up the show.
Overall Rating: D. GET TO JANUARY ALREADY! This month and the build to this horrible pay per view feels like it’s been going on for eighteen yeas now and the show still isn’t interesting. We have a rematch from three years ago, an uninteresting tag match and Owen Hart vs. Diesel and a few other matches that didn’t get time tonight (and likely shouldn’t have). The show itself would be better than the TV this month but that’s really not saying much given how boring this stuff has been lately. Another bad show to add to the December pile.
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