Thought of the Day: Wrestlemania XXXI Didn’t Mean Much
Think about it: what from that show still matters less than two months removed?
Other than Rollins and Cena winning their titles, almost nothing that happened there matters.
Bryan – Vacated his title
Kidd/Cesaro – Lost the titles they were defending
Sting – Hasn’t been mentioned
Lesnar – Appeared once
Undertaker – Hasn’t been mentioned
Wyatt – Basically no sold the loss
AJ/Paige – Both gone
Bellas – Now faces
Big Show – Nothing changed after winning the battle royal
Cena is still feuding with Rusev and Rollins is still feuding with Orton. Other than that, it’s almost like Wrestlemania just came and went.
Reviewing the Review: Wrestlemania XXXI
This is a show where most fans just didn’t want to see it. The interest wasn’t there, but it had one good thing going for it: it’s Wrestlemania. No matter what happens on the show, there’s always something worth checking out. A few days before the show, I was talking about the card on the radio and the host said that it was a good card on paper and you would be looking forward to the show if you hadn’t seen the build. That seemed more and more accurate as the show came closer. Let’s get to it.
Before we get to the card, I want to cover some of the scenery. Above all else, that stage was HUGE. It was probably an easy forty yards long, making the wrestlers look tiny by comparison. That helped give the show the huge feel it was hoping for and the whole thing looked great. I know some people have complained about the sunlight but it really didn’t bother me that much. I’ve seen shows outside where it was raining so hard that there were puddles in the ring so some sun isn’t exactly a disaster.
The opening pre-show match was its usual fun, though I liked the elimination style from last year better. Jey Uso not being able to go hurt things a bit but having one less person might have been the best thing that could have happened in this mess. Also, it’s not like he’s some polar opposite from his brother. When I’m reviewing an Uso match I just pick one of their names and alternate whenever they tag. Does it really matter either way?
The match was a huge spotfest as you would expect and eventually lost all semblance of wrestling. Normally that would sound bad but it was exactly what it should have been here. The champs stood out more than anyone else and it’s clear that no one cares about New Day and Los Matadores, but did anyone not know that coming in? The champs retains after Cesaro stole a pin, which was exactly the ending they should have gone with.
The second match was the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal and Big Show won. Why you ask? Because apparently he’s never won a battle royal and we’re supposed to ignore World War 3 1996, the one he won on Smackdown in March of last year, the one he and Kofi co-won on Raw in 2011, the ECW vs. WWE Head to Head battle royal in 2006 and a battle royal he won on Nitro because this company doesn’t know how to do research, which could include things like looking online or, I don’t know, ASKING HIM IF HE’S EVER WON A BATTLE ROYAL.
Anyway, this was your old standard formula of having everyone brawl then have some people do a sequence to get eliminated. Mizdow got the big face turn against Miz, only to get thrown out by Big Show with ease. Yeah having Mizdow eliminate Big Show on his own would be a stretch, but having him win by eliminating Miz would have been a huge moment. Naturally we need Big Show to win his fourth battle royal because no one remembers the others. Oh and if you remember the story, he was the last man standing in the 2000 Royal Rumble but wasn’t declared the winner.
Aside from Big Show and Mizdow, the only story was Hideo Itami from NXT. He didn’t do much, but at least he was there and got to have a quick moment. It was probably better to have him in there instead of someone they’re ready to push like Balor. Itami is just a kicking machine at this point but he’s still decent enough for a spot like this. Not a fan of the match if you couldn’t tell by three paragraphs about a battle royal.
Aloe Blacc sang America the Beautiful. Four things: Aloe Blacc sounds like a lotion and is a far cry from Aretha Franklin or Gladys Knight. Also, why is it almost always America the Beautiful and almost never the Star Spangled Banner? Either is fine but I’ve always wondered that. Finally, I’m out of touch with modern music and I don’t seem to be missing anything.
The opening seven man ladder match was pretty much exactly what fans were expecting: a huge mess with almost no story to it and one big spot after another. It wasn’t anything we haven’t seen before and it probably would have been better to have five people instead of seven but for an opening match, this was solid. I would have put this on later and not had it so soon after the other mess of the Tag Team Title match, but there was nothing much to complain about here.
As for the people in the match, they did just about what they were supposed to do. R-Truth and Stardust were just there (though Barrett breaking Stardust’s glittery ladder was hilarious), Ziggler was the one that got close but couldn’t pull it off, Ambrose got put through a ladder for the big spot (which was actually really smart because it wrote him off the show later so he couldn’t stop the big ending), Barrett was fighting everyone, Harper was there for the power and that only leaves one guy.
Having Bryan win a title in the opening match was a good way to get the show off on the right foot. Aside from fighting for his fifth different title in five Wrestlemanias (US Title, World Heavyweight Title, Tag Team Titles, WWE World Heavyweight Title, Intercontinental Title), they had to throw the fans a bone to go from him having one of the coolest moments ever at Wrestlemania to opening the show the next year. Winning the Intercontinental Title is a step down, but at least it’s Bryan getting back into the swing of things. Good stuff here and a solid opener, though it probably could have been trimmed down.
Things slow down a bit with the first singles match of the night as Randy Orton beat Seth Rollins. This was kind of a surprising result for me but it also telegraphed what was going to happen later in the night, ala Edge back in 2006. The RKO at the end with Seth being launched through the air was good, though I’ll still take Evan Bourne’s Shooting Star into an RKO for the best ever. Either way, Orton can nail that thing from almost anywhere and it never stops looking great.
However, this opens up some problems: we’ve seen these guys fight a few times now and we’re supposed to pay to see them fight at Extreme Rules and potentially at a third show in May? The booking may be logical on paper, but I’m not sure it’s going to get people to watch week after week. It was a good match, but I really liked what Wade Keller said about Orton on Austin’s podcast this week: he’s so naturally talented and has been around so long that the expectations on him are very high. When he has a good match, it’s almost considered a disappointment because he can be so naturally good when he’s on his game.
Now we get to the match which is probably going to get the most controversy all night. This is where the great entrances began. First we had Sting coming out to a Japanese drum band, which was cool but kind of bizarre at the same time. I have no idea what kind of connection it’s supposed to be, but I guess WWE just wanted Sting to have his own entrance that was unique for their show. The problem with this was Sting is always a high energy guy and the slow drum stuff didn’t quite fit the top level show in the world.
Then HHH came out with an army of robots, in Terminator gear with Arnold Schwarzenegger himself doing a video introduction. It was at this point that you knew HHH was going to be the big star here and that this was really just a story with Sting involved instead of a story about Sting. The question here was what could Sting do after a few years off and all that time in TNA.
Amazingly enough he looked pretty solid. This was an old school style match with both guys working each other over and HHH working over the back to slow Sting down. This was a very nice change of pace after Orton and Rollins having the fast paced main event style and all the insanity that took place in the first three matches. It’s the style they should have gone with and it worked fine.
Then seven people interfered, completely ignored wrestling history, made old people look old, having Kevin Nash do what I think was the funniest bit of the night, and then ending it with a hammer to the face. In case you didn’t watch the show and are just reading this (for some strange reason), it was the Monday Night Wars all over again with DX running in first (with Sting DIVING OFF THE TOP ONTO ALL THREE OF THEM. Not bad at 56 years old) and then the NWO slowly hobbling in to counter them, all capped off by Shawn superkicking Sting.
Where do I even begin? Aside from the logical Shawn interference, this was one of the most ridiculous things I’ve seen in years. First and foremost, Sting spent nearly two years fighting the NWO (or at least the Black and White) but now he’s going to fight with them for the Monday Night Wars? A battle where his partners are the biggest WWF guy ever to that point and two guys who were the definition of hired mercenaries in the war and are fighting against one of their best friends? That’s the best they’ve got?
It also caused us to see the New Age Outlaws and X-Pac on the same level as Hall, Nash and Hogan. Under no circumstances at any time in the history of professional wrestling does that hold up. Despite the fact that Billy Gunn is less than five years younger than Sting (no real connection to this, just find it kind of mind blowing), there is no way that these six guys are on the same level, even with Nash going down and holding his quad in a funny bit.
After all the insanity and ignoring continuity for the sake of the Monday Night Wars revival, Sting kicked out of the superkick (and out of the Pedigree earlier) and broke the sledgehammer, only to have the third Stinger Splash collide with the sledgehammer to give HHH the pin.
This is one of those moments where you sit at the screen, shake your head just a bit, then either sigh heavily or break a small appliance while screaming loudly. The fact that they brought Sting in and had him lose in his first match came off as one of the biggest wastes of time I’ve seen in years. It felt like they were closing the door on Sting, which is fine in theory, but they couldn’t close it on a victory? It was such a mess that it wouldn’t have been remotely clean so HHH doesn’t lose face and the fans get to cheer.
Instead, it was one last (and by last I mean not last whatsoever) thumb of the large nose at WCW, which was entirely what this feud was based on, even after Sting said how ridiculous that would be. They even had the factions come out for the match, despite WCW going out of business FOURTEEN YEARS AGO. Is WWE really that insecure about a show on the air less than six years total that they have to dig it up and bury it one more time nearly fifteen years later? Apparently so, because that’s exactly what they did.
Oh but we’re not done. After the match, we got the big respect handshake. As I said in the original review: YOU HIT HIM IN THE FACE WITH A HAMMER AFTER COMING OUT WITH AN ARMY OF ROBOTS! NO HE DOES NOT WANT TO SHAKE YOUR HAND! This was supposed to be HHH saying he respected Sting after the battle. Keep this one in mind because we’ll be coming back to it later.
I know I complained about it a lot, but this was one of the big song and dance numbers that you can only get at Wrestlemania and I had a blast watching it. The run-ins were incredibly fun (illogical but fun) and Sting looked like he did back in the best of his TNA years, which was a pretty good time for him. I was impressed with what he did on a wrestling front and the match was more entertaining than it had any right to be. No it didn’t make sense and was a huge mess, but what else were you going to do with this match, especially with that ending?
Daniel Bryan celebrated with a bunch of former Intercontinental Champions for the Ron Simmons cameo. Jericho would have been a good addition here but what we got was fine.
Then we had a concert as all the NWO and DX guys try to figure out whose walker is whose. I still don’t like these things as they waste so much time to give us songs we’ve heard a million times coming into the show, but hey, at least WWE can say this is an ENTERTAINMENT show instead of silly old wrestling. You know, because a seven minute concert totally changes the opinion of the show right?
The not so serious portion of the show continued with the Divas tag match between AJ Lee/Paige and the Bella Twins in what wound up being AJ’s final match in WWE (for now). This match reenforced my issue with the Bellas all along: they’re just not very good. Yeah they’re watchable in the ring and have gotten WAY better in the last six to eight months, but there’s a very thick line between good and watchable. They’re combining to be the top of the division and that’s just not going to cut it for a long term run at the top. AJ made Nikki tap in a short match after spending a lot of time on the floor.
I tried to like this match and it was better than most Raw matches you would see, but it didn’t work as the big Wrestlemania match for them. The Bellas are good at getting heel heat and playing the stuck up better than you villains, but they simply cannot back it up in the ring. It’s like they’re following a tightly written script for the match and would be lost if anything went against that plan. That’s a sign of a sub-par worker and the Bellas fill that role like Nikki fills out those shorts.
In theory this was to set up AJ vs. Nikki for the title, but why couldn’t that be taking place at Wrestlemania? I complained about this leading up to the show and it still didn’t make sense here. Having this just be a tag match after a couple of title matches were used to set it up was totally backwards thinking and never held up. The wrestling was ok, but the Bellas are just killing this division every day they have the title. It’s like the life is being drained out of the division, much like HHH’s World Title reign in 2003: the matches aren’t bad but you roll your eyes when the title is retained and beg for ANYONE to give you a break.
The Hall of Fame did their thing. This was what it was and I always like seeing them out there and hearing the Fink’s voice. It felt faster this year, but there’s nothing wrong with taking five minutes out of a four hour card to let these people salute the crowd on the grand stage one more time.
Now we get to one of the bigger matches as Rusev defended the US Title against John Cena. In what might have been the entrance of the night, Rusev came out in a tank. I mean a full sized let’s go blow a hole in a building tank with Lana surrounded by Russian soldiers carrying the belt. I know Cena’s entrances are well known at Wrestlemania, but he’s going to have his hands full topping this.
Cena had a big speech with videos from American Presidents and shots of the military as we heard about how great this country is. Then Cena just walked to the ring as usual for a pretty anticlimactic ending. It was cool, but it needed something more than just Cena coming down the long aisle. I mean…..RUSEV WAS IN A TANK! Side note: the next night on Raw and then on Smackdown, the announcers started using The Russian Tank as a nickname for Rusev. I dig it.
The match….not so much. It was still good and an entertaining match with Cena finally breaking the Accolade and pinning Rusev to win the title, but it was just kind of there. I still liked it and Cena brought the goods (including a springboard Stunner, which should be someone’s finisher again minus the springboard) as he always does. This isn’t a loss where Rusev is never going to recover as every monster built up like him has to lose eventually.
It’s good and Rusev has already won his big match over Cena, but the ending hurt things. The story for this match had been built around submissions but Cena just sidestepped Rusev so he could hit Lana and nailed the AA for the pin. I mean….that’s it? It’s a good match and the ending had to be Cena winning (though imagine the promos Rusev could cut if he escaped with the belt), but the ending was a bit flat for me. At least this way they avoid the ultra repetitive YOU TAPPED OUT chants.
Now we get to the long time filler as the show had two matches to fill in about 80 minutes at this point. HHH and Stephanie came out to brag about owning the company, roughly an hour after HHH was all humble and shook Sting’s hand, making that whole thing even more stupid. I’m still kind of annoyed at that six days after the show.
Anyway, they talked about how they own the people and everyone here and you knew this was going to bring out the Rock. He did his long entrance and catchphrases, only to have Stephanie do her usual schtick as she ripped him apart and made him look like any given guy on the roster. She went one step too far though and slapped Rock in the face, so Rock bailed to the floor…..and walked over to Ronda Rousey.
Now THIS was a worthy use of a celebrity as Rousey is one of the biggest stars in sports right now (and ignore the fact that I have a thing for her) and fits this story perfectly. As you would expect, Stephanie ran her mouth and got her arm cranked. By cranked I mean slightly tugged on instead of being put in a full on armbar, but I’m assuming Ronda is only allowed to get so physical outside of UFC. That’s fine. Disappointing, but fine.
My guess is this sets up HHH vs. Rock with the girls as seconds, because even though Stephanie is a great talker, I don’t think anyone is going to buy her lasting more than five seconds against Rousey. Real trained fighters can barely break fifteen seconds against Rousey but we’re supposed to buy Stephanie as having the slightest bit of a chance against her? Because it’s in a wrestling ring? I’m not buying that, and this is assuming Rousey would ever be allowed to work a match in the first place. Rock vs. HHH is an established feud and seeing them go at it one more time would be fun.
It mostly worked, except for one problem: IT TOOK NEARLY HALF AN HOUR. This was one of the longest talking segments I’ve seen in a long time and a lot of it is due to Stephanie and Rock taking forever to get to the point. Now once Ronda was introduced it was fine as everyone was begging for her to, as Rock put it, reach down Stephanie’s throat and play jump rope with her Fallopian tubes”, but sweet goodness they could have cut five to ten minutes of this and done the exact same thing. But then we wouldn’t have been able to hear about Stephanie being Andre’s friend again, because…..why do we need to hear that anyway?
The segment ran long enough that we didn’t have time to recap Bray Wyatt and Undertaker starting small fires to set up their match. The interesting thing here was Bray wrenching his ankle very badly before the show and barely being able to walk. However, he gutted it out and managed to hold up his half of the match. That brought us to the big question: how was Undertaker going to do?
Actually quite well, as it really seems the concussion played a huge role in how bad the match against Lesnar was last year. Undertaker wasn’t at the HBK level, but he was more than fine for a match like this. He’s also grown some hair back to make him look like Biker Taker, which isn’t my favorite look but is miles better than the bald version, which just makes him look old. I don’t really need to see Undertaker again, but it was good to see that he still had something in the tank after last year’s mess.
I have to give a quick bit of praise to Bray’s entrance, which saw a bunch of scarecrows come to life as he walked past them, turning them into his henchmen. It makes no sense but looked awesome, which brings me to something I’ve been meaning to talk about recently. A criticism I’ve been hearing lately is that Bray’s promos don’t make a ton of sense. I want to tilt my head at these people and ask them what is wrong with their heads.
Look at Bray Wyatt. He’s a backwoods cult leader who worships a spirit named Sister Abigail, who told him that he would save the world one day. Why in the name of all that is good and holy would you expect him to give a logical promo? The whole point of the character is that he sounds bizarre and only makes sense to those people crazy enough to follow him.
Undertaker talked about spirits, Ultimate Warrior talked about loading spaceships with rocket fuel and Hulk Hogan talked about dog paddling Donald Trump to safety when an earthquake caused New Jersey to fall into the ocean. Bray Wyatt’s promos are closer to Nick Bockwinkel’s than the work of a lot of people praised for their speaking abilities, but people complain that he doesn’t make sense.
Of course they don’t make sense and he’d be failing if they did. He looks and sounds mysterious and you’re supposed to wonder what he means. It makes just enough sense for you to follow it, but the details aren’t all there and that’s why they work. Yeah he gets repetitive at times, but criticizing him for not making sense is an unfair complaint.
All of that brings us to the big main event, which doesn’t have as much to talk about. It was basically Lesnar vs. Cena all over again with Lesnar destroying the challenger and shrugging off his best shots until he made a mistake and let Reigns stay in it, only to have Rollins cash in Money in the Bank and pin Reigns to win the title.
The match itself was fun, but they were running the risk of making Lesnar repetitive. Don’t get me wrong: it’s still entertaining to see him be all freaky strong (even though he has some thin legs, at least compared to how huge his upper body is), but they can only do this for so long before it loses some of its impact. I liked that they had Reigns making a comeback near the end and you weren’t quite sure if he could pull it off, but if they had him survive and win, I would have been scared to show up at Raw the next night. The booing would have been too much for that hair to handle.
Another point here is the blood, which did a lot of good for the match. It’s something you don’t need to see that often, but it’s good in spots like this one. Quick note here: there’s a video going around that allegedly shows the referee passing the blade to Reigns. That’s actually the referee checking on Reigns, who squeezes his hand to show he’s fine. It’s an old technique and not passing a blade.
Rollins cashing in was a good way to end things, but unfortunately it’s going to lead to some repetitive title matches for the next few months, unless they go with some triple threats. Rollins deserves the title though and that’s the important thing to get done. I certainly like the cash in and it kept them from having to pick from a short list of bad possible endings. It’s a great ending to a great show.
Yes this was a great show and I had an awesome time with the whole thing. I don’t know how well it holds up over time with the lack of a bad build and low expectations in the future, but as it stood it was an outstanding show without a really bad match on the card. There are some issues (Sting losing, time getting crunched because of the talking segment going long) but overall, this blew away my expectations and I had a lot of fun watching it. How long has it been since we had two great Wrestlemanias in a row? Seven years or so? However long it’s been, the answer is too long so it was great seeing another classic.
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As confirmed by WWE.com. I can’t say I’m stunned by this, but how smart of it was of her to get a Wrestlemania payday before she walked away? It also explains Naomi getting a push out of nowhere like that and no followup from AJ beating Nikki on Sunday.
Wrestlemania XXXI Preview: Bella Twins vs. AJ Lee/Paige
I’ve done too many Give Divas A Chance lines already.
This is another one that I’ve been going back and forth on every week. Let’s get the first major issue out of the way first: this should be for the Divas Title. Make it a fourway, make it a tag match for the title (it’s been done before) or just make it a singles match with one of them challenging Nikki, but don’t set up a meaningless tag match with a series of title matches. It doesn’t make sense but this is what we’re getting.
Now I’m not one to admit this, but the story hasn’t been that bad. The promo on Smackdown this past week was the selling point for me, as the girls started arguing more and more but actually said some stuff instead of just lame insults. You have the non-sisters talking about being proud of not being spoiled reality “stars” and failed D-list celebrities while the Bellas say they’ve been running this place while AJ is off TV all the time.
See, THAT is a story. Instead of just having them fight over some fake, lame story off Total Divas (the real prize of the Divas these days), they’re arguing about stuff that only these girls can talk about. It’s getting down to the idea of entertainment vs. the wrestling which is always something you can go to for a major story. This is something interesting for a change, but the question is where do they go with it from here.
The big line lately has been “Give Divas A Chance.” That’s fine, but at the end of the day, you have to actually DO something instead of just talking about it. I know it’s become a theory that the Bellas are getting better in the ring, but the reality is they’re getting more competent. If you watch them, it’s clear that they’re having to go step for step to get through a match and they would be lost if they had to improvise anything. Now to be fair, that puts them at the higher end of the division, but they’re WAY behind the classically trained wrestlers.
AJ and Paige on the other hand…..I’m kind of over them. They’re talented and look good in the ring, but we’ve just seen them fight for the better part of a year and it’s hard to care about seeing them again. It doesn’t help that you have the Divas in NXT ready to come up to the main roster and probably wrestle circles around a lot of the main roster Divas, but they’re not going anywhere because we need crazy people like Eva Marie (what does she actually do for WWE anyway?) and Cameron who have the loud personalities that get ratings on reality shows.
As for the match, the theory would be they set up the next challenger for Nikki’s title, but an instinct tells me that’s not where they’re going. What I’d like to see is Nikki get the pin and the FINALLY have her showdown with Brie that we should have gotten five months ago before Charlotte shows up and takes the Divas Title. Yeah she’s not on Total Divas, but it’s been far too long since we’ve given Flair some kind of praise right? Anyway, Nikki pins let’s say AJ after AJ and Paige have issues. As usual though, if the match doesn’t get any time, there’s no chance this goes anywhere. It doesn’t need to be a marathon, but give then ten minutes.
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Monday Night Raw – April 7, 2014 (2015 Redo): How To Do This Right
Monday Night Raw Date: April 7, 2014
Location: Smoothie King Center, New Orleans, Louisiana
Attendance: 12,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler
I figured I’d throw this one in as a bonus, plus I kind of wanted to watch this show again. This is of course the big fallout show from Wrestlemania, which is usually a huge mix of storytelling, debuts, turns and an INSANE crowd that will take over the show. These things can be all over the place and it’s always fun to see where things go. Let’s get to it.
We open with the Daniel Bryan Monster video from last night. That’s still awesome stuff. This one includes him posing with the belts after the main event last night to really cap it off.
Here’s Daniel Bryan, because what else could have opened the show? I can forgive his magically healed shoulder here. The fans go insane of course and even JBL admits that he’s wrong. They won’t let him talk with the DANIEL BRYAN chants. “You guys never get tired do you?” He doesn’t think the fans know how hard it is to do the YES chant with two titles.
The fans try it without two titles and Bryan leads them one more time before his shoulders start hurting. Bryan talks about how the fans are united under behind one word, but the fans cut him off with a YOU DESERVE IT chant. Bryan: “I might deserve it a little bit, but I think you guys deserve it.” He thanks the fans for being behind him and it’s YES time again but here are HHH and Stephanie.
They stand on the apron because HHH doesn’t want to get in the ring and do something he’ll regret. Bryan takes the title off his waist, gets right in HHH’s face, and does the YES pose for a funny spot. HHH says this ends tonight because this is his show. Therefore, he’s booked himself into a title shot against Bryan tonight and the YES movement ends. This was the only way to start the show and Bryan vs. HHH is a fine main event, especially given that you know it’s a big angle.
A graphic of Lesnar standing over Undertaker with the caption “streak conquered” got the loudest heat of the night.
Batista comes in to yell at HHH but the boss says Batista was the one tapping. Orton comes in and says he should get the title match tonight because he has a rematch clause. HHH says he’s the COO so they get rematches at a later date because tonight he’s taking care of Bryan. That’s not cool with them so Stephanie gives them a Tag Team Title shot. HHH says historically, the three of them are unstoppable when they’re on the same page. That’s called planting a seed.
Wyatt Family vs. Sheamus/John Cena/Big E.
Oh here we go. The fans are WAY into the Wyatts but debut singing “John Cena Sucks” to the tune of his theme song. I really wish that one had caught on as it’s just glorious. The good guys charge the ring and the brawl is on with Cena eventually starting against Bray. The fans are almost universally behind Bray here as the nutty crowd is starting fast. Cena’s right hands are booed out of the building and Sheamus comes in with a slingshot shoulder.
Off to Rowan for a slugout and he just shoves a punching Sheamus out of the corner. Big E. comes in for a running shoulder to the ribs before lifting Rowan up for three straight backbreakers, finally winning some respect from the fans. “THAT WAS GOOD!” Harper comes in, accidentally knocks Rowan off the apron, and runs into a shoulder from Big E. It’s back to Cena as the fans get annoyed again but Harper slams him down.
We take a break and come back with Harper holding Cena in a headlock and earning a LET’S GO HARPER chant. Cena loads up an AA but eats a DDT for two instead. Back to Rowan as the fans start singing. Bray comes in again for some frenzied stomping but Cena hits that running clothesline to get a breather. Now the fans sing that Cena sucks but a release Rock Bottom makes them cheer Bray instead.
Cena finally throws Harper down and makes the hot tag to Sheamus to clean house. A top rope double shoulder puts the Family down and Sheamus mocks Bray’s pose. Rowan decks Sheamus with a clothesline (POP) and it’s off to Big E. vs. Wyatt. The Warrior Splash looks to set up the Big Ending but the Family comes back in to clean house, setting up a suicide dive to take out Sheamus. The spider walk (“WYATT’S GONNA KILL YOU!”) sets up Sister Abigail’s Kiss to pin Big E and end the madness.
Rating: C. The match was fine but you know this is all about the crowd. The post Wrestlemania crowd is more of an attraction than the wrestling itself a lot of the time and that’s exactly what happened here. I could have gone for Sheamus taking the pin instead of the Intercontinental Champion, but this is one of those shows where it really doesn’t matter that much.
Slam City ad.
We get a video of people doing a bunch of outdoor sports with the word impossible. It really says I’m Possible though, and you can be too, if you just BOLIEVE.
Fandango/Summer Rae vs. Santino Marella/Emma
Summer is looking especially fetching tonight. Emma was just so wasted with Santino. The guys start with a dance off but Santino quickly loads up the Cobra, meaning it’s off to the girls. Emma grabs a quick Dilemma followed by the Emma Sandwich before the Emma Lock gets a very fast submission. This was just filler.
Here are Heyman and Lesnar for the mother of all victory laps. Brock shows off his EAT SLEEP BREAK THE STREAK shirt. Heyman says it’s his privilege to represent the conqueror of the Streak. It lasted nearly a quarter of a century but Brock ended it in three seconds. The fans’ shock shows their lack of intelligence, because THEY TOLD YOU SO. Heyman reads the shirt because we’re too stupid to do it ourselves.
Brock isn’t here to put smiles o your face, but rather to shock the WWE Universe and put tears in the eyes of children. Heyman is on fire tonight. Let’s go off page a bit and shoot from the hip shall we? Five seconds after walking through the curtains at Wrestlemania, Undertaker collapsed and was taken to the hospital with Vince himself riding with him. The greatest thing Undertaker ever did was stay down after the third F5 because he would have had a broken neck and a cracked skull. Brock’s evil smile here is glorious.
Here’s what amazes Heyman: “After the match, John Bradshaw Layfield and those two other things that call themselves announcers” applauded the Undertaker, along with 80,000 other people in the Superdome (“Not Silverdome Hogan”). So why weren’t people cheering for the winner? The fans should all feel empowered because they’re all wannabes, just like the rest of that locker room. Everyone was looking down when Lesnar came through the curtain last night because Brock doesn’t respect anyone. “HE BARELY LIKES ME!”
There are a lot of people back there who say they could have fought in an octagon, but Daniel Bryan, John Cena and Undertaker never did that, because they’re all wannabes. A lot of people wanted to be the NCAA Heavyweight Champion, UFC Heavyweight Champion and WWE World Heavyweight Champion, but Rock, Hogan and Austin didn’t do it because they’re all wannabes. And now, for the line of the year. “Last night a lot of people were coming up to me and saying they could have broken the Streak. So why didn’t you?”
We get the debut of “Brock Lesnar is the 1 in 21-1” and Heyman makes sure to say it even slower for the WHAT crowd. There are Hall of Famers, there are legends, there are superstars, but those are all plural. Then there is only one Brock Lesnar. If you don’t understand why this was absolutely amazing, I don’t know what to tell you.
Adam Rose is coming. That should have opened house shows for years but why not just turn him heel and completely miss the point of the character? Or we could have a bunny upstage him.
Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Randy Orton/Batista
Usos are defending of course. Jimmy slugs away at Batista to start but gets powered into the corner. The fans of course reminds Dave that he tapped out. Jey tags himself in to punch Orton in the face as the fans want Y2J and then CM Punk. Jey gets beaten down in the corner and both champions are sent outside. The fans switch to JBL as Orton DDT’s Jey off the barricade for the double countout. I’m really glad they didn’t change the belts here because it would have been such a stupid move.
A SICK powerbomb onto the steps crushes Jimmy.
Rob Van Dam vs. Damien Sandow
This is Van Dam’s latest return and you know he’s getting a great reaction. Sandow is quickly sent to the floor but he pulls Rob’s leg out and drives some knees into the chest. The Wind-Up elbow connects and YOU’RE WELCOME for that. It’s amazing how completely different Sandow has become in just a year. Some kicks put Sandow on the floor and the spinning kick from the apron knocks him silly. Back in and Rolling Thunder sets up the Five Star for the pin. Just a “welcome back” match.
Rey Mysterio vs. Bad News Barrett
This is Barrett’s return as well and I believe his first match as Bad News. The fans are entirely behind Barrett and did you really expect anything else? Rey hammers away during the catchphrase and becomes the littlest heel on the roster. He quickly sends Barrett to the floor for a sliding splash but takes a hard kick to the ribs back inside. Barrett pounds away at the back and gets two off Winds of Change. He hits a running knee to the ribs, only to have his superplex broken up. A top rope seated senton gets two for Rey and the 619 connects, but he gets crotched on top and Bull Hammered for the pin.
Rating: D+. Another nothing match here but the wrestling isn’t the point on a show like this. It’s good to see Barrett back from his nine millionth injury and Mysterio is expendable for something like this. Unless I’m mistaken, this was Mysterio’s last match with the company before he finally got to go back to Mexico.
Video on Rusev, who debuts next.
Alexander Rusev vs. Zack Ryder
Rusev quickly takes him into the corner before holding him against the ropes for the knees to the ribs. The jumping superkick and a spinning slam sets up the Accolade for the first win of many.
Hall of Fame video.
Here’s Ultimate Warrior for the first time on Raw in about eighteen years. He puts on a Warrior coat and shakes the ropes, making his face very red in the process. Warrior hasn’t been sure what to say, so he puts on a Warrior mask and lets his other persona (or whatever it is) take over. He talks about how every man’s heart will beat its final beat and if the work he has done in his life means something, his story will never die. There are people in the back with his spirit and it will run forever. This is one of the most disturbing things you’ll ever hear given what happened tomorrow, as it’s a good farewell speech.
We get the very cool “Thank You Fans” video. I didn’t know what that was at first but it made me smile at the end.
Here are AJ and Tamina so the former can brag about being Divas Champion for 295 days now. She gave all of them a chance to prove her wrong and every single one of them has failed. She’s the hero of this story and the savior of the Divas division. Scratch that. She IS the Divas division, but here’s the debuting Paige to disagree. Paige is here to do what no one else would: congratulate AJ on her accomplishments. AJ tells her to go back to NXT and offers Paige a beating to send her there. Paige isn’t ready but AJ slaps her in the face and says let’s make it a title match. The fans are happy because they all know what’s coming.
Divas Title: AJ Lee vs. Paige
The champ jumps her to start and drops Paige with a running elbow. The Black Widow goes on but Paige powers out, hits a horrible looking Paige Turner and wins the title in a shock. Well as much of a shock as it can be given how obvious it was.
Bolieve!
Here’s Hulk Hogan to present the Andre battle royal trophy to Cesaro. Sign in the crowd: “Hogan’s Cue Card: SMOOTHIE KING CENTER!” He gets the building right and says his favorite Wrestlemania moment last night was the battle royal. The fans cut him off with a CESARO chant and Hogan talks about how cool it was to see Big Show lifted into the air and slammed out because Andre himself was watching from Heaven. He brings out the thirty first man in the battle royal who just happened to be the winner.
Cesaro comes out with Zeb Colter in toe. To my great shock, Hogan shakes Cesaro’s hand, says congratulations and walks out. Zeb takes the mic and says he’ll handle it from here because he’s a real American. He talks about making Cesaro an American and a Zeb Colter guy, but Cesaro says that’s not quite true, because he’s a Paul Heyman Guy. Heyman comes out and says he’s the advocate for the King of Swing, sending Zeb into a frenzy. Heyman goes outside to tell the announcers how to talk about his new guy, allowing Swagger to come in and deck Cesaro and break the trophy (SHOCK AND AWE!).
Jack Swagger vs. Cesaro
Joined in progress after a break with Cesaro getting two off a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. They head outside with Cesaro staying in control and Heyman holding the broken trophy. Back in and Jack runs the ropes for the belly to belly throw. Knees to the ribs set up a WE THE PEOPLE shout before Jack cranks on both arms. A powerslam gets two but Cesaro raises his boots to stop the Vader Bomb. Cesaro comes back with the apron superplex and some running European uppercuts, but Swagger bails to the floor for the Swing and it’s a countout.
Rating: D+. Cesaro’s year is one of the biggest disappointments since last year as he should have been launched to the main event but he wound up doing nothing for the better part of a year. It’s nice to see him getting a push now, even though he’s cooled WAY off in the last year. Seeing him with a title makes me smile though as he certainly earned it.
We recap the opening sequence that set up the main event.
Stephanie tells Shield and Kane to cool it because what happened last night doesn’t matter. All that matters tonight is HHH winning the World Title match but Shield asks Kane where the Outlaws have gone. That’s too much for Kane who says HHH thinks the Shield are expendable pawns and lets it slip that HHH told him to beat Shield down a few weeks ago on Smackdown. Stephanie calls this an injustice and instantly has Shield’s attention. Oh this is going to be good.
WWE World Title: Daniel Bryan vs. HHH
There’s no HHH just yet though as Batista and Orton come to the ring. Both guys lay out Bryan with their respective finishers and here’s Kane to add a chokeslam. The fans are already chanting HOUNDS OF JUSTICE but they get Batista mocking the YES chant. Instead the fans chant for 3MB of all people but instead here’s HHH to start the match. HHH demands that the bell ring but, just like any villain, takes his sweet time doing anything, allowing the Shield to come out. The match is done at this point so we’ll get to what everyone wants to see.
Kane, Orton and Batista get on the apron and Shield stands on the floor looking at them. HHH looks scared to death in the ring as Bryan is still down in the corner. Now Shield gets on the apron but HHH says this isn’t happening. This isn’t breaking down into a war. The fans think this is awesome and all six get in the ring.
Kane is ready to fight but HHH sends him back to the ropes, only to turn around for a spear from Reigns. The fight is on and Ambrose and Rollins hit a great looking double dive to take down Batista and Orton. A Superman Punch puts Kane down and HHH is surrounded. Bryan gets back up for the running knee and the Authority runs to fight another day to end the show.
Overall Rating: A. The wrestling sucked and if you think that’s the point of the show, you don’t understand how this Raw thing works. This was a great show as it moved so many things forward, debuted new wrestlers, gave us some major plot advancements and felt important for the first time in a very long time. In other words, this show actually did stuff and had some fun instead of beating everything into our heads all night long. It’s one of the best post Wrestlemania shows of all time, which says a lot as this might be the second most important night of the year.
Smackdown Date: March 26, 2015
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 17,540
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole
It’s the final show before the big one and that means we’re in for a very different kind of Smackdown. This is likely to be a studio heavy show with a lot of video packages, but it’s not like Smackdown means much in the first place. The main event is a big eight man tag with most of the people in some of the bigger matches. Let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
Jimmy Uso vs. Cesaro vs. Fernando vs. Big E.
One fall to a finish and no tags. It’s a big brawl to start with Jimmy hitting the running Umaga attack on Cesaro but Big E. suplexes Jimmy and Fernando down. Big E. keeps going by throwing them all into the same corner and driving in shoulders. Fernando is left alone with Big El and the Warrior Splash gets two. Jimmy comes back in to kick Big E. in the head and Fernando hits a big dive to take out E. and Cesaro. That’s not enough for Jimmy as he dives on all three for a huge crash.
Back in and Cesaro loads up the apron superplex on Fernando but Jimmy gets in to help him, only to have Big E. German suplex both guys to put all four down in something like a Tower of Doom. Cool stuff indeed. Cesaro and Fernando gets back up with the masked man diving into the Swing. A Backstabber breaks up the Neutralizer but Jimmy kicks Big E. down, allowing E. to hit the Big Ending on Cesaro. Jimmy nails the Superfly Splash on Cesaro for the pin at 4:53. Well that was….short.
Rating: C. Total insanity here with nothing resembling structure. That being said, what else can you ask for in a match like this? The fourway match on Sunday is going to be nothing but a big spotfest so why not just have the half sized version here? That Tower of Doom was cool stuff though and one big spot is more than enough in a five minute match.
We go live to Axxess with Byron Saxton and Renee Young. After talking about all the autographs that will be signed there, we go to a clip from ESPN on Monday where Brock Lesnar officially announced that he re-signed with WWE.
Long video on Reigns vs. Lesnar with Reigns saying he has to rise to the occasion and beat his biggest test.
Another video on the Intercontinental Title ladder match but with a different focus, as it looks back at some classics for the title at Wrestlemania. Some of the other ladder matches get a focus as well.
We look back at AJ and Paige brawling on Monday after the Bellas got under their skin.
We get a cool video of Rusev talking about how he’s broken Cena and how it means he’s broken America. By contrast, Cena promises to fight back for America and we see him getting a lot more intense to get the rematch at Wrestlemania, only to get laid out again on Raw.
Video on Rollins vs. Orton which focuses on Orton being the future ten years ago and Rollins being today’s future. Unfortunately it also talks about Orton infiltrating the Authority and beating Rollins down. It didn’t make sense then, it didn’t make sense when he explained it, and it doesn’t make sense now.
Here’s AJ for the big showdown with Paige. She says we’ve seen her as everything from the GM to everyone’s girlfriend to the longest reigning Divas Champion of all time. Paige and AJ both love being Divas Champion but at Wrestlemania, AJ is going to stand up to the Bellas and give them what they deserve. The question is whether AJ will be doing it alone.
Cue Paige who says AJ can’t just skip past what happened on Raw. It’s been almost a year since Paige debuted and took the Divas Title from AJ, which is why AJ doesn’t want her to have it back. AJ says she gets what she wants and she knows Paige is out of her mind too. At Wrestlemania, they can’t let the Kardashians win. They shake hands but here are the Bellas with a rebuttal.
Nikki calls them the compulsive liar and the backstabber but AJ’s ability to make everyone believe her doesn’t work on the Bellas. AJ doesn’t seem to care but Nikki says Brock Lesnar has worked more days in the last year than AJ has. Nikki has been running the division for a year and the two girls in the ring are just like every other girl in the back. “Who doesn’t want to be a Bella?” Paige: “Who wants to be a D-list celebrity and a failed actress?” Paige says they like being the freaks and geeks and the girls that beat the Bellas at Wrestlemania. The Bellas are ready for Sunday. Good promo, but why isn’t the title on the line?
Video on HHH’s rise to the top of WWE and how he’s come to dominate the company. Sting on the other hand is the face of WCW and the one guy that has never been in WWE, making it a huge dream match. I really wish they had decided on the story. It seemed like a rehash of WCW vs. WWE but the interesting story is that HHH and the Authority can’t use their bullying tactics on Sting because he’s the one guy pure enough and a big enough legend for it to have no effect. Sting tried to get away from the WCW thing and even called it ridiculous, but Stephanie decided that’s what it should be about and she runs this place right?
The next recap is on Undertaker vs. Bray Wyatt, with Undertaker finally coming off a loss at Wrestlemania and Bray wanting to replace him as the new face of fear. This is a really easy story but Bryan can only say the same thing so many times without Undertaker showing up. That same problem has plagued this show in multiple matches.
John Cena/Daniel Bryan/Roman Reigns/Mark Henry vs. Seth Rollins/Bray Wyatt/Big Show/Kane
Time for the token main event to make it clear that we’re watching a wrestling show. Isn’t Wyatt as part of the Authority kind of against what his character stands for? Reigns shoves Rollins around to start and explodes out of the corner with a clothesline. He adds eight more clotheslines in the corner and a nice tilt-a-whirl slam for no cover as Rollins is in early trouble.
Wyatt comes in but eats a right hand as well and gets Stunned over the top rope. Reigns brings back the Apron Kick and it’s all good guys so far. Off to Kane, who I guess is supposed to be more intimidating. He charges into Reigns’ boot in the corner and a middle rope clothesline gets two so it’s off to Big Show.
Henry wants in and gets the tag, giving us the battle of the giants. As expected, this goes badly for Henry and the heels stomp away on the fallen strongman. He looks like a fat turtle on the mat. Back to Kane for more stomping and the tall men take turns chopping Henry down. A superkick stops Mark’s comeback and we take a break.
Back with Cena coming in to clean house but Bray does his flying body block to put him down. The giants take turns on Cena this time as the dueling chants start up. Wyatt gets in a cheap shot as Rollins comes in to keep the bad guys in control. John wins a slugout with Rollins but Seth flips out of the AA and kicks Cena down again. The backsplash hits but a second attempt misses for Bray.
Rollins breaks up another tag attempt with a sleeper and jumps on Cena’s back for good measure. That’s fine with Cena as he drives Rollins into the corner, only to get caught with a Blockbuster for two. Big Show comes in (Big Show vs. Cena!) but misses the Vader Bomb, meaning it’s already back to Rollins. He doesn’t have the same luck this time as Cena backdrops him to the floor and it’s hot tag to Bryan.
Things speed way up and Bryan hits the top rope hurricanrana, followed by the YES Kick. He has to go after the Stooges though and Rollins gets in a kick of his own. Time for more Big Show but Reigns comes in with the Superman Punch. Sister Abigail is countered with a spear and Kane gets one as well. Henry and Reigns splash Show in the corner and the AA sets up the running knee to pin Big Show at 19:31.
Rating: D+. This was long, dull and completely unimportant as the only people in the same Wrestlemania match were Kane, Big Show and Henry who aren’t even on the main show anymore. Like I said, this was total filler and I’m really not a fan of having a match just to waste time. They did a decent job of making Reigns look good, but does beating up Kane and Big Show really mean much at this point?
Overall Rating: C. Yeah whatever. This is one of the shows I dread every year because it’s just a big commercial for Sunday and much more for people who aren’t watching the last few weeks. The wrestling here was just to remind us that it was a wrestling show and somehow I wound up liking the Divas stuff more than anything else, despite the match at Sunday not even being for the title. Dull show but that’s a tradition for this episode.
Results
Jimmy Uso b. Cesaro, Big E. and Fernando – Superfly Splash to Cesaro
John Cena/Daniel Bryan/Mark Henry/Roman Reigns b. Kane/Big Show/Seth Rollins/Bray Wyatt – Running knee to Big Show
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1998 Pay Per View reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Smackdown – March 5, 2015: Reestablishing Equilibrium
Smackdown Date: March 5, 2015
Location: Verizon Center, Washington DC
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Byron Saxton
With just a few weeks to go before Wrestlemania, one of the main stories has been the Intercontinental Title scene. We’re definitely getting the big ladder match, but it’s not entirely clear who is going to be in it. It’s also not clear who is going to hand over the title belt to have it hung above the ring as everyone keeps stealing the thing. Let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
Here’s Dolph Ziggler with the Intercontinental Title. He says he never got a rematch for the title against Bad News Barrett because he got fired by the Authority. This is the fifth month that storyline has now been mentioned in. Even Vince Russo didn’t let stories go that long. Dolph officially enters the ladder match, but thinks there’s still something missing. Last year, someone did everything he could and never stopped fighting to become champion. The fans chant YES and Dolph agrees, but he gets Bad News Barrett instead.
Barrett says Ziggler has something he wants. Dolph: “Looks? Charisma? A great Twitter account?” Bad News gets in the ring but Luke Harper sneaks in and decks Ziggler. The champ goes for his belt but Luke steps on it. Ziggler gets back up and everyone brawls so here’s Dean Ambrose to get in on the fighting. The champ is knocked to the floor because he’s just another guy in this story. Everyone brawls on the floor again so R-Truth sneaks down in spy mode, crawling on the mat and getting the belt before hiding under the ring.
Truth is in the back (VERY quickly too) and says he got the title in advance. “It’s like when I eat when I’m not hungry, so when I get hungry I don’t have to eat.” He tries to give the belt to Renee Young but she politely declines. “Where’s Gene Ambrose?” As usual, Renee Young is incredibly cute. I’m convinced she could be bald and still be adorable.
Cesaro/Tyson Kidd vs. Los Matadores
Non-title. Diego and Kidd start things off but both guys tag out less than thirty seconds in. Fernando hurricanranas Cesaro down and Diego does the same with a headscissors, only to get caught in a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. A double stomp gets two for Cesaro and we hit the chinlock. Everything breaks down and Cesar goes after Torito, who kicks him in the leg. That’s not a DQ for some reason but Natalya trips him up, allowing the Cesaro Swing into a dropkick from Kidd to get the pin on Fernando at 2:25. This was a good squash for the champs that we haven’t seen before.
Kane and Big Show both say they’ll win the battle royal.
We recap the main event from Monday with Reigns getting pinned by Rollins but cleaning house to end the show. Yeah, the dive over the top and big spear were cool, but it’s like a cool fireworks display after your home team loses a ball game. It’s a fun visual, but your heart isn’t in it.
Ryback vs. Kane
Big Show stares at the Andre trophy at ringside. Kane stomps him down in the corner but runs into some spinebusters. Big Show offers a distraction to no avail as the Meat Hook ends Kane at 2:07. Now why did it take us this many months to get here?
Kane makes Big Show vs. Ryback for right now.
Big Show vs. Ryback
This is joined in progress after a break with Big Show getting in the ring and pounding Ryback into the corner. A clothesline puts the smaller bald power monster down and Show follows it with a slam. Ryback fires some shoulders in the corner but dives into a chokeslam attempt. The KO Punch misses and Ryback hits an awkward looking spinebuster. Kane gets dragged in for offering a distraction and takes a second Meat Hook, allowing Big Show to KO Ryback at 2:58. Dang that was close. We almost saw someone get one over on the Big Balds and I just wouldn’t want to live in that world. What was this supposed to prove anyway?
We look at Bray Wyatt lighting the casket on fire on Raw.
Bray Wyatt wants an answer from Undertaker. He has something Undertaker can relate to, and he’ll unleash its spirit this Monday. Not even Undertaker can outrun his own fate. The camera pans down and shows the urn.
Sheamus return video.
Video on the Daily Show segment with Jon Stewart from Raw. That might be the best celebrity appearance ever. If not then it’s WAY up there.
Brie Bella vs. AJ Lee
I’m not a fan of how Eden says “this is a Deeeeevas match”. This is fallout from AJ returning to help Paige on Monday. Nikki brings up the “Give Divas A Chance” line but says that doesn’t apply to AJ. The Bellas have been giving the Divas a chance since AJ has been gone and no one has lived up to their standard. It’s why they’re the stars of Total Divas and they don’t care who comes at them.
The match starts after a break with Paige now at ringside to balance things out. AJ cranks on an armbar and elbows Brie in the face. A high cross body gets two on Brie but she comes back with a nice middle rope dropkick for two of her own. Back up and AJ has to stop so Brie can clothesline her before we hit a chinlock.
That goes nowhere so Brie dropkicks her down again, followed by a clothesline for some two counts. A Hennig necksnap gets an even closer two as the fans don’t seem all that interested. We hit another chinlock before the running knee to the chest staggers AJ again. Brie immediately goes to the corner but misses another middle rope dropkick. Back up and AJ hammers away with kicks to the ribs to send Brie out to the floor. We get a big staredown outside before the Black Widow makes Brie tap at 7:42.
Rating: C. This was better than your usual Divas matches but a lot of that is due to it actually getting some time. Brie seemed to almost run out of offense about halfway through though. The Bellas are decent enough as the better than you heels and I can live with them far more when they’re not being treated like all time greats who just happen to be heels now. And when they’re not dominating the show. That really drove me insane.
Daniel Bryan thinks the Intercontinental Title picture is very interesting right now and can’t wait to see who comes out with the belt.
I really can’t stand the theme song for this year’s Wrestlemania and I keep forgetting that’s what the song is for when it starts up.
New Day vs. Miz/Damien Mizdow
Woods is the odd man out this week. Before the match we get a look at the commercial from Monday with Miz being embarrassed. Miz slapped Mizdow as a result but we still didn’t get the big face turn. Kofi and Miz get things going by trading armdrags until Miz runs him over for two. Some kicks give Kofi a breather and Mizdow tags himself in and cleans house. Cesaro/Kidd/Natalya are watching in the back as Mizdown’s figure four attempt is broken up. Miz tags himself in and orders Mizdow to the floor but Mizdow gets in his face. During the argument, Big E. gets the tag and it’s the Midnight Hour for the pin at 3:15.
Rating: D. This was the same thing they’ve done multiple times now but at least it was Miz taking the pin instead of Mizdow. I really wouldn’t mind if Woods was left outside as a permanent manager as he doesn’t add much to the team. The match wasn’t very good though and it just reenforced the same things we’ve established for weeks now. In other words, it’s a Smackdown match.
We look back at Heyman’s speech from Raw.
Brock Lesnar video.
Reigns says Heyman is known for running his mouth, but it’s true that Lesnar is going to hurt him at Wrestlemania. Everyone that gets in the ring with Lesnar gets hurt and he’ll be no different. The difference is Reigns will get up, lock his fist and hit a Superman Punch. Then he’ll spear Lesnar in half to win the WWE World Championship, and then Heyman and Lesnar will believe that. As usual, this was far better because they kept it short and simple.
Jack Swagger vs. Rusev
Non-title and Swagger is thrown to the floor a second after the bell. Back in and Swagger throws Rusev to the floor as we take a break. Back with Rusev getting two off a dropkick and we hit the chinlock. Swagger fights up and tries the Vader Bob but has to settle for the Patriot Lock, sending Rusev to the ropes. Back up and Rusev kicks him in the face and Accolades him for the submission at 7:50.
Rating: D. Egads find someone new for Rusev to beat up. This didn’t prove anything and was the exact same match these two have had roughly 19 times. Yeah we get it: Rusev is big and strong and can beat up Jack Swagger. We’ve known that for almost eight months now. FIND SOMEONE NEW.
Rusev poses but Curtis Axel pops up on screen and says don’t change the channel BROTHER. He’s often imitated but never duplicated DUDE. This Monday he’s going to put Rusev down 1-2-3 and then coming for the US Title at Wrestlemania. Whatcha gonna do when Axelmania runs wild on YOU??? If Buddy Landel can get over by being Ric Flair, Curtis Axel can get over by being Hulk Hogan.
Cameron thinks it’s time someone gives her a chance. Summer Rae comes up and says she should be getting the chance. Eva Marie thinks the two of them have no chance. This is what I was worried about when this thing started up. There are far more talented girls to give this spot to, but instead it’s going to the girls on the reality show.
Bad News Barrett/Luke Harper vs. Dolph Ziggler/Dean Ambrose
Truth is on commentary and doesn’t quite get the rules of the ladder match. He also doesn’t like how heights look when you look down at them. Harper Gator Rolls Ziggler to start but has to break up a sunset flip attempt. The running DDT is easily countered and R-Truth thinks he’s talking to Byron Jackson. A double tag brings in Ambrose to stomp on Barrett in the corner before the standing top rope elbow drop gets two. Ziggler and Ambrose clear the ring but nearly come to blows as we take a break.
Back with Barrett elbowing Dean in the face and handing it off to Harper for an elbow of his own. We hit the chinlock from Harper, who Truth accuses of not buying his shirt. Barrett comes back in and gets caught in a tornado DDT. Truth wants the match turned into a stepladder match and claims ladder discrimination.
The hot tag brings in Ziggler to speed things up but the big elbow drop gets two on Harper. Now the running DDT connects but still only gets two. A big side slam gets the same for Harper but Barrett and Ambrose come in to fight right next to them. Those two head back to the floor and Ziggler superkicks Harper, setting up the Zig Zag for the pin at 10:03.
Rating: C-. Totally standard midcard tag match here but it’s very nice to see that headlining the show instead of more dull stuff. It also helps that this is a logical part of the storyline and fits what they’ve been doing so far. Truth continues to be funny on commentary with a bunch of “what did he just say” lines. Oh and Barrett didn’t get pinned! Life is good.
Post match Barrett goes for the belt but Ambrose dives on him. Truth kicks Harper low but Daniel Bryan shows up to look at Truth holding the title. Truth hands him the belt and starts a YES chant. Bryan poses with the title but Stardust jumps Bryan and grabs the belt to end the show.
Overall Rating: C. The show went by fast enough and it’s really nice to have stuff away from the main event feud for a bit. It’s also nice to not have the Authority making my blood pressure go through the roof but that’s a different story. This still doesn’t feel like a major show but I like the Intercontinental Title picture when it’s not as all over the place and the battle royal is starting to look a lot better. This was a nice way to cool things down and bring them back to normal after a bad Raw, but it’s still not a great show.
Results
Cesaro/Tyson Kidd b. Los Matadores – Cesaro Swing into a dropkick from Kidd
Ryback b. Kane – Meat Hook
Big Show b. Ryback – KO Punch
AJ Lee b. Brie Bella – Black Widow
New Day b. Miz/Damien Mizdow – Midnight Hour to Miz
Rusev b. Jack Swagger – Accolade
Dolph Ziggler/Dean Ambrose b. Bad News Barrett/Luke Harper – Zig Zag to Harper
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Saturday Night’s Main Event at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Monday Night Raw – March 2, 2015: Screw This Show And Screw Wrestlemania
Monday Night Raw Date: March 2, 2015
Location: Prudential Center, Newark, New Jersey
Commentators: Booker T., John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole
We’re one step closer to Wrestlemania this week and the big event coming out of last week is Randy Orton not attacking Seth Rollins as everyone expected him to at the end of the show. That would seem to be a layup for a match at Wrestlemania but you never can tell around this company. Let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
Here are Rollins and the Stooges to get things going. Before he can say anything though, we get a clip of him appearing on the Daily Show with Jon Stewart last Thursday. Stewart is on his way here so Rollins suggests that he beg for forgiveness now and turn around. This isn’t like Lawler vs. Kauffman because unlike the Daily Show, every single person in this arena paid to see him tonight.
Cue Roman Reigns, who tells Rollins to keep talking because he wanted to hear what it sounded like to hear the fans tell Seth that he sucks. Rollins says he’s worth more than Michael Jordan because he can out work and out talk anyone, including Wiz Khalifa. He can even out eat Mark Henry. Khalifa is scheduled to perform next week and Henry is rumored to be here tonight so that sounds like an internet newsletter come to life.
Rollins doesn’t think Reigns can beat Brock Lesnar, but he can beat both Lesnar and Reigns. Roman asks if Rollins is man enough to make the main event of Wrestlemania a triple threat match as the fans chant for Punk. Rollins thinks it’s smarter to cash in on the winner of the match, or maybe do it the next night. Or maybe just cash in when no one is expecting it. Or maybe Reigns should just punch him in the mouth right now, which is what he does. The Stooges are laid out and Reigns stands on the Money in the Bank briefcase, but somehow that still doesn’t make me care about him.
Post break, Rollins yells at the Stooges for letting him get hit in the mouth. Randy Orton pops up and says the same thing. He thinks Rollins should demand a match with Reigns tonight to prove he can out talk Jon Stewart and out wrestle Roman Reigns as well. Rollins says he can out wrestle anyone on the roster, which doesn’t sit well with Orton. Dang they were getting close to not having a main event set up. I’m glad these coincidences just happened to take place at complete random.
Dean Ambrose vs. Bad News Barrett
Non-title with R-Truth on commentary. Ambrose stomps away in the corner to start as Cole brings up the multi-man ladder match for the Intercontinental Title at Wrestlemania. Truth is officially announced for the match as Ambrose stomps away at the ribs and puts on a cross leg face rip. A bulldog sets up the standing elbow drop but Barrett crotches him to take over. The champ boots him out to the floor and holds up his title as we take a break.
Back with Ambrose fighting out of a chinlock but Barrett goes outside to yell at Truth for being a thief. Ambrose hits a suicide dive to take Barrett down though and hits the running standing elbow off the apron. This allows Truth to comically sneak over and steal the title belt because this is now a children’s comedy. Winds of Change plants Ambrose as Luke Harper comes up and takes the belt from Truth. The distraction lets Ambrose hit Dirty Deeds for the pin on Barrett at 9:23.
Rating: D. I have nothing left. Just nothing.
We recap Miz stealing Mizdow’s spot in a commercial last week on Smackdown.
Most of the midcard is in the back when Miz asks for silence. He calls Mizdow borderline worthless before giving us the world premiere of the new commercial. Mizdow tries to tell Miz something but Miz cuts him off and mentions a bunch of actors. As expected, it’s for an erectile dysfunction pill and has Mizdow involved with the good looking women. Back live and Mizdow can’t control his laughter. Neither can the rest of the people in the room.
Miz yells at everyone and says his little general has plenty of bullets. This is all Mizdow’s fault of course and Miz slaps him, again setting Mizdow off to a big reaction but once again he backs down. Mizdow almost has to eliminate him from the battle royal, but does it really matter is Mizdow doesn’t win the thing?
Here’s Bray Wyatt to ask if Undertaker is still the heart of fear. He wants Undertaker to come out and see him because Bray has built his own casket. Everything comes at a price though and Bray pulls out a gasoline can. He’s always had a fascination with fire because it has no prejudice and no feelings, just like him. No one can hide from him because everything burns, including Undertaker at Wrestlemania. He pours the gas on the casket and lights it on fire before shouting to find him. Like most Bray stuff, it makes just enough sense to get the idea across without being able to understand it.
Natalya/Tyson Kidd/Cesaro vs. Usos/Naomi
Genders have to match here. Jey and Kidd get things going but the champs take over with a quick double team. A Samoan drop puts Cesaro down but he bails to the floor, setting up a tag to the women. Naomi pops Natalya in the face and starts a quick pinfall reversal sequence, only to have Naomi kick Natalya in the ribs.
Naomi doesn’t buy a leg injury from Natalya and sunset flips her for two, only to have it quickly go back to Jimmy and Kidd. A Whisper in the Wind drops Kidd but he dives away from a double superkick and tags Natalya. The distraction lets Natalya get a rollup pin at 2:54. Didn’t we see this EXACT same story last month but with the titles switched? Now I’m supposed to want to see it at Wrestlemania?
Kidd and Natalya almost get in a fight but they hug it out.
Here’s John Cena with something to say after Rusev turned down his request for a rematch last week. He says this is one of those rare occasions where his detractors are having a good time because not only did Rusev beat him in their first match but his rematch was turned down. Cena is going to get his rematch and is going to bring the title back home to America. Rusev is a marked man and he’s going to lose that title at Wrestlemania. If he won’t defend it though, maybe he could just enter the Andre battle royal.
Oh screw it Stephanie comes out with that smug look on her face. She asks when do people just announce what match they’re in. Cena: “That’s what everyone does in the battle royal.” Stephanie doesn’t get the term Murderer’s Row (famous baseball lineup, means a great talent pool) and brings up a picture of her sitting on Andre’s knee after the first Wrestlemania.
She says Cena can’t disparage Andre’s legacy (what is she even talking about?) but Cena cuts her off and says this is about Wrestlemania. He says she won’t leave him off Wrestlemania so she goes into full on evil Stephanie mode and says WWE is bigger than any star it’s ever had. The question is what will Cena do without WWE, not the other way around.
Cue Curtis Axel of all people who says he’s already deserving a spot in the main event so he should win the battle royal too. A LOUD Axelmania chant starts up and Stephanie thinks he may be the next John Cena. Stephanie makes a match right now, but stops to say Cena can only get his match with Rusev by changing his mind. Axel: “WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN AXELMANIA RUNS WILD ON YOU???” He rips the shirt off and Cena looks stunned. Cena gives him one chance to leave before pain comes to him.
John Cena vs. Curtis Axel
The bell rings after the break and Axel does Hogan poses. Cena stares a hole in the back of Axel’s head, hits some clotheslines, the AA and the STF for the submission at 2:02.
Post match Rusev comes out and again says no. Cole calls this humiliating because he doesn’t know the meaning of basic English words. Cole: “We could be coming up on the first Wrestlemania with no John Cena.” Me: “Oh screw off.”
Arn Anderson and Michael Hayes talk about Sting’s career and how great he really was. This lasts all of ten seconds.
Here’s HHH to talk about coming to this company twenty years ago. Now he’s the COO and a thirteen time World Champion. Eight days ago he offered Sting a chance to be immortal, but now he has the chance to make it as if Sting never existed. But why didn’t Sting come here before? HHH invites Booker T. into the ring because Booker recently said HHH politiced Sting from ever coming to the company. Why does he think that? That makes Booker sound like one of those internet fans that think they know the ins and outs of the business when they don’t know a thing.
Booker says no one has ever been able to control Sting and now HHH gets to deal with him at Wrestlemania. HHH thanks him for the opinion and then fires him. Booker goes to leave but HHH says he’s changed his mind. That was just an example of the control he has because he’s been handed the chance to end the last vestige of WCW and that’s what he’ll do. I can’t believe they’re STILL talking about WCW. That company has been out of business longer than it was in business and WWE is still bragging about defeating them.
Divas Title: Paige vs. Nikki Bella
Nikki is defending again in a rematch from Fast Lane. We even get Big Match Intros. Paige knocks her around to start but Nikki bails to the floor to avoid the PTO. A minute in and we hit the break. Back with Nikki cranking on the arms and Cole saying the action before the break was, and I quote (see what I did there?), fast and furious. Paige fights up but walks into a weak spinebuster for two.
We get the third mention of Total Divas in about the third minute of, ahem, action. A double clothesline puts both girls down and of course that one clothesline gets us to even after Paige has been in trouble for a few minutes. Paige hits three more clotheslines and a running dropkick for two. The PTO is loaded up again but Paige has to nail Brie. Nikki misses her forearm and eats a superkick, setting up the PTO. Cue Brie for the DQ at 6:46.
Rating: D. GIVE THEM A CHANCE! YOU MIGHT GET A FIVE MINUTE MATCH NEXT TIME! Yeah this was another obvious ending to set up the obvious return to set up the obvious “dream” tag match at Wrestlemania so the Bellas can show how good they really are and AJ can take a loss and be humiliated for calling out Stephanie on her nonsense. But hey, why bother entertaining when you can get one up on AJ in front of the dozens of people who are going to pay for this disaster of a Wrestlemania?
AJ runs in for the save and attacks the Bellas as we have new Super Best Friends.
Post break, AJ and Paige kind of agree to be friends to fight the Bellas.
It’s time for the Daily Show with Seth Rollins, complete with a copy of the Daily Show’s intro. Rollins takes some shots at Stewart’s Oscar hosting last year (it was seven years ago) and at his movie Rosewater for not doing so well as the Stooges applaud in the background. Cue the real Stewart to rips on the Curb Stomp being a New Jersey greeting instead of something to fear. He remembers the wrestlers that earned their spots like Sammartino and Monsoon.
Rollins never went up against the establishment like Austin or fought through injuries like Undertaker. Seth wants to be the poster boy, but just like posters, they get taken down when people are tired of them. If the Authority really cared about him, why isn’t he in the main event at Wrestlemania? He’s better on the mic and claims to be better in the ring, but it’s Lesnar vs. Reigns.
Stewart says the briefcase doesn’t belong to Rollins because he was at Money in the Bank and saw what really happened. That’s enough for Rollins as he grabs Stewart by the collar, drawing out Orton for the save, but Stewart kicks Rollins low and escapes on his own. This was one of the best celebrity performances ever in WWE and most of that is due to Stewart clearly being a huge fan. You can’t fake that kind of passion. Well you could, but if you’ve ever seen the Faculty, you know Stewart isn’t that good of an actor.
Post break Stewart leaves quickly to avoid retaliation.
Daniel Bryan vs. Luke Harper
Cole says Bryan isn’t going to Wrestlemania either. Harper starts fast but gets sent face first into the middle buckle. A running dropkick has him in trouble but Luke slams Bryan to the floor as we take an early break. Back with Harper kicking him in the face and hitting a half nelson suplex for two. A rollup gets the same for Bryan before Harper throws him down again. That’s fine with Bryan as he counters into the YES Lock for the win at 6:23.
Rating: D+. The Divas got more time than this match, which may or may not be about Bryan going into the title match at Wrestlemania. Just like the rest of this show, it’s like they have no real idea where the matches are going and we’re less than a month away from the show. Announce the things and let us know what we’re getting.
Barrett comes out to take the belt back, but it’s stolen by Ambrose, Harper, Truth then Harper again with the big man leaving with the belt. Ziggler cuts him off with a superkick though and puts the title on his shoulder. Dolph climbs the ladder with the belt and Bryan does a YES chant on the table.
Alundra Blayze Hall of Fame video. Two notes here. One, this is shocking if you know your history. Two, in the list of great champions over the years, we saw Moolah, Martel, Trish, the Bellas and Lita. Who on earth actually thinks that’s true? I mean, someone say that to me so I can laugh very hard in their face. They actually mention the belt in the trash moment in the video.
Orton yells at Rollins for going after Stewart but promises to have his back if Rollins needs him. Big Show and Kane come up and say they have his back, so Noble says Orton won’t be needed. Randy walks away, saying suit yourself.
Here’s Heyman who says he’s going to shoot from the hip. Yes Brock will be at Wrestlemania. Believe that. He’ll be anywhere he pleases before the title match. He’ll be anywhere he pleases after the title match. He’ll be anywhere he wants as the WWE Champion. Fans like to believe their fantasies, starting with Daniel Bryan having a chance at beating his client.
Reality is that Lesnar would squash him under his boot, so now it’s time for Roman Reigns. Heyman has to switch microphones before he rants about the fans buying into this idea of Reigns. WWE has already bought the confetti and the pyro but it’s a big waste of time.
Last week he said Sammartino, Hogan, Austin, Rock HHH and Cena couldn’t beat Lesnar. Fan: “ANDRE!” Heyman to the fan: “I DIDN’T MENTION HIM BECAUSE HE’S DEAD STUPID!” Of course there’s no Stephanie to defend Andre now because that segment earlier made no sense. Heyman says none of those people disputed a single thing he said last week because it’s all true. At Wrestlemania, Lesnar is going to conquer Reigns and maybe he’ll just Ronda Rousey Roman. BELIEVE THAT.
Roman Reigns vs. Seth Rollins
Reigns knocks him around with ease to start and sends Rollins hard into the corner. Seth’s comeback is easily stopped with a knee to the ribs but he catches Reigns with a dropkick. We hit the right hands to the face and Reigns is sent hard into the buckle, but here’s Orton for a distraction as we go to our last break.
Back with Rollins holding a chinlock for a bit until Roman makes his comeback with some clotheslines and a tilt-a-whirl slam for two. Mercury breaks up the Superman Punch, allowing Rollins to score with an enziguri for two. Roman fights up again but Noble’s distraction lets Rollins kick him in the face.
A powerbomb from Reigns puts both guys down. They head outside with Big Show getting in a cheap shot but Reigns dives off the apron to take him down. Kane nails him in the ribs with a chair, giving Rollins a near fall back inside. We get yet another comeback from Reigns as he nails a Superman Punch, only to have Orton grab the foot, allowing Rollins to roll up Reigns for the pin at 15:38.
Rating: D+. The #1 contender for the World Title and the man that is supposed to save us from the horrors of Brock Lesnar just got pinned less than a month before the biggest show of the year. I don’t care what he does after the match. That ending is stupid and there was no reason to not just have the big DQ or something like that. My goodness do they want me to watch Wrestlemania or not?
Reigns snaps post match and destroys everyone not named Orton. He hits a huge dive over the top and spears Rollins out of the air as JBL shouts about him being ready. No man. Screw that noise. I’m not buying Reigns as anything when he’s losing less than a month before the big night, screwy finish or not. You don’t do that no matter what, especially when Lesnar isn’t here to set up the stupid match.
Overall Rating: F+. Where do I even start? First of all, how do you only have six matches on a three hour plus show with two of them not even breaking three minutes? That’s just unacceptable. Second, they really do seem to be making this stuff up as they go. We’re supposed to believe Cena and Bryan aren’t going to be at the pay per view? That’s your big selling point? “Hey people, come see this show without the biggest stars appearing!” Well they might not. I mean, they DARED to challenge Stephanie.
That’s the next major point: the Authority was all over the place tonight and not a single bit of it made sense. All of a sudden Stephanie is the patron saint of French giants and HHH is spouting off at the mouth about having to control Sting, whatever the heck that is supposed to mean. I can’t get over how bad that Stephanie segment was. How is that supposed to make me want to see Wrestlemania? Cena potentially in the battle royal because he can’t convince Rusev to defend the belt, which he’ll eventually do by going after the Russian flag, which won’t bring up a single mention of Big Show doing the same thing months ago?
The main event continues to be a one sided affair because Lesnar isn’t on TV. Heyman can only say YOU CAN’T BEAT HIM in so many different ways before it stops being entertaining. It’s one of those cases where you can only perform so well with what you’re given and that point has long since passed. Brock and Reigns need to do something face to face again, because the last time was the night after the Royal Rumble.
The Divas’ push comes off as a huge joke as the big chance seems to be a tag match at Wrestlemania and a pairing that we’ve seen before. I don’t really know why this is supposed to be a big match, other than AJ is the one not on Total Divas, which is the real title in this division these days. Give them a chance I guess, but if this is the chance, give them a bus ticket out of the company, because it’s not getting better anytime soon.
I have almost no desire to see Wrestlemania this year and I haven’t had that feeling in a very, very long time. There’s almost nothing on the card that I want to see and somehow it seems to get worse every week. It’s like they have no focus for the card this year other than “Reigns wins and we go from there.” To what? Reigns vs. Big Show? That’s a real possibility and I don’t think I can handle it. Then again, I don’t think I can handle three more episodes like this either.
Results
Dean Ambrose b. Bad News Barrett – Dirty Deeds
Usos/Naomi b. Natalya/Cesaro/Tyson Kidd – Rollup to Natalya
John Cena b. Curtis Axel – STF
Paige b. Nikki Bella via DQ when Brie Bella interfered
Daniel Bryan b. Luke Harper – YES Lock
Seth Rollins b. Roman Reigns – Rollup
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Reviewing the Review: Tables Ladders and Chairs 2014
We’re up to another show which feels like they’re trying to drain as much blood from the stone of Survivor Series that they can squeeze out. Basically it’s a bunch of singles matches from people who were on the main event teams with gimmicks, more than one of which just do not need to happen. Also, since Lesnar shows up like once every three months, the main event is for Cena’s #1 contendership, but only Cena can leave with it. Is there any reason why this wasn’t the best looking show on paper? Let’s get to it.
The pre-show saw the New Day beat Goldust and Stardust. Would you really expect anything else happening here? That’s really all there is to say here, but I don’t mind the New Day so far. Kofi and Langston have talent and giving them anything to do is a thing idea for them.
The opening match was Luke Harper losing the Intercontinental Title back to Dolph Ziggler in a ladder match in Ziggler’s hometown. This was using the idea of “hit each other really hard with some big ladders” for about fifteen minutes and then have Ziggler win. It’s a great choice for a brawl, but here’s the problem with opening a show with something like this: it’s going to be hard to top. Someday I need to write up a piece on how to structure a card.
Anyway, Ziggler got the title back and that really shouldn’t have shocked anyone. It’s his match in his city (until tomorrow when he was billed from Hollywood, Florida) against a guy that hadn’t actually won a match since he won the title with help. The idea here was that the win elevated Ziggler, but when you think about it, he’s right back to where he was before he was added to Team Cena but now he’s the reason the Authority is gone. Winning the title really doesn’t elevate him any higher than the Survivor Series win did, so I’m not sure if they’re hitting their target on this one.
Earlier in the night, Miz told Naomi that she would be a Hollywood star if he and Mizdow left with the titles. That’s quite the idea, so of course Naomi played absolutely zero role in the title match. Miz hit one of the Usos with a Slammy for the DQ, meaning the story has to continue. They need to do something with Mizdow though because he can only do the same idea so many times before the time is over. I did hear a great idea for how they lose the titles: Mizdow is legal but Miz is down, so Mizdow lays down and takes the pin because Miz isn’t up yet.
The stairs match was the disaster everyone expected it to be. I’ll avoid ranting on Big Show winning again because I think I’ve covered that idea to death already. Here’s the major problem with this match though: why was it a stairs match? The gimmick didn’t get anyone to buy the show, it didn’t help either guy get over, it doesn’t have a history, and it made the match repetitive. There is such a concept as “less is more” and that’s what happened here. This should have been a wrestling match (with Rowan not getting pinned but that’s another story) to give the fans a break from the weapons.
Cena and Rollins had a long and overbooked yet good tables match. I’m not entirely sure what the point was in the tie midway through the match as it really didn’t do anything but extend the match. I guess it lets Rollins say he put Cena through a table but you don’t need the tie to do that. Reigns and Big Show coming down were fine but the match had too much going on. Also, on top of that, what did Rollins have to win here other than pride? Put the #1 contendership on the line or something, because without a title to fight over, it stops meaning much.
Nikki retained over AJ in another nothing match. Three notes here: first of all, Brie said that she’s fine with her sister because they’re family. That’s about as lame of an answer as they could have gone with and is code for “We changed the story. Get over it.” The other note is Nikki Bella ACTUALLY CHEATED to keep the title by using hairspray to blind AJ for the Rack Attack. You know, like a villain is supposed to do. If villains don’t cheat, it’s hard for them to be villains.
Third, to further illustrate how over managed the whole company is, the stuff sprayed in AJ’s eyes was originally called hairspray on WWE.com but they changed it to “an unidentified substance.” Here’s the thing: someone actually looked at that report on WWE.com, saw that it said hairspray, and said no no no it was just some substance.
1. What’s wrong with hairspray?
2. Why not just call it an unidentified substance in the first place?
3. Who in the freaking world cares that it wasn’t actually hairspray??? I know there are some nitpickers out there, but was there really someone out there freezing the screen and zooming in on it to see if it was really hairspray???
4. Who looked at the report and said “CHANGE THIS IMMEDIATELY!!!!”? I really want to know who is in charge of the “identifying what Nikki Bella uses to cheat to win matches” department at WWE.com.
5. Someone is being paid to change hairspray to unidentified substance. Remember that the next time you’re looking for a job.
Next up was Ryback vs. Kane in a chairs match. Here’s a quicker way to cover this one. Read this but substitute Kane for Big Show, Ryback for Erick Rowan, chairs for stairs and swap the winner.
The stairs match was the disaster everyone expected it to be. I’ll avoid ranting on Big Show winning again because I think I’ve covered that idea to death already. Here’s the major problem with this match though: why was it a stairs match? The gimmick didn’t get anyone to buy the show, it didn’t help either guy get over, it doesn’t have a history, and it made the match repetitive. There is such a concept as “less is more” and that’s what happened here. This should have been a wrestling match (with Rowan not getting pinned but that’s another story) to give the fans a break from the weapons.
Rusev b. Swagger Part 19.
Wyatt beat Dean Ambrose in the namesake match when a TV monitor blew up in Dean’s face so Bray could hit Sister Abigail. I’ll skip all the spots and get down to the message of this match: sometimes someone has to lose a match. Anymore WWE seems obsessed with finding ways for someone to slip on a banana peel to lose after dominating for most of the match. Sometimes you have to have someone win and someone lose without some big gimmick ending.
If you’re trying to elevate both guys, having one put up a heck of a fight but come up short isn’t going to kill them (see Cactus Jack vs. HHH in 2000 for proof) but having Ambrose lose like he did here and in the Cell make me roll my eyes and forget the rest of the match. Tell me: how many things do you remember about the match outside of the ending? It was a good match but no one is talking about anything but the ending and how stupid it made Ambrose look. Get the idea here?
Overall this show had too much thought put into it and the whole thing got screwed up. The chairs and stairs matches could have been wrestling matches and the main event being worth anything (#30 in the Rumble perhaps?) would have helped it a ton. At the end of the day, Lesnar and the title not being around is killing this company and they need to get the title off of him as soon as possible.
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