Smackdown
Date: March 2, 2012
Location: Key Arena, Seattle, Washington
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Booker T

Orton is back tonight and he’s facing Daniel Bryan after Bryan gave him the concussion that put him out. I don’t remember if I ever heard how legit that injury was. Anyway, that’s the main event and it should be good, but I’d be shocked if we got a clean finish to it. Expect more of the Bryan vs. Sheamus build as well as some more Ace vs. Long stuff. Let’s get to it.

We open with what looks more like a commercial for the show than an opening video. It’s about the main event.

Do You Know Your Enemy? Mine is bronchitis.

Here’s Sheamus to open the show. He says he’s thinking about Wrestlemania and being in front of over 80,000 members of the WWE Universe. FANS. THEY’RE CALLED FANS. When did that become a dirty word? I know “Members of the WWE Universe” has been their term for it for years now, but why is fans such a bad thing to say? Anyway he can’t wait to face Bryan. Bryan has become a changed man since he won the title, just like Sheamus did two years ago.

When Sheamus won his first world title, he became wrapped up in his own ego. However, he was lucky. He should have known that the WWE Title was the greatest trophy he could have earned. He became a bully instead though. You mean like he was before he won the title? What Sheamus needed was for someone to knock his block off. Bryan needs the same thing.

This brings out Vickie and Dolph for some reason. She liked his story but her favorite part was when Sheamus stopped talking. Ziggler says the people deserve to see him in the main event, not Sheamus. He says Sheamus’ hair is on fire. Sheamus says that joke is as old as Dolph’s grandmother Vickie. For some reason this leads to Vickie talking about Ace/Teddy and saying she’s the only non-McMahon to be GM of both shows. Teddy comes out and makes Dolph vs. Sheamus right now. I liked Sheamus’ promo here. He’s not the best talker in the world so keeping it simple is something that works well for him.

Sheamus vs. Dolph Ziggler

The match is joined in progress after a break but it doesn’t look like we’ve missed much. There was an ad talking about how Ace will run Smackdown next week so the announcers talk about that for awhile. Ziggler hits a dropkick but Sheamus keeps smiling. Sheamus comes back with forearms to the back and the ten in the ropes. The fans clearly really like Sheamus but they’ve given him no character development at all. It’s a lost art in WWE anymore.

Ziggler goes to the floor. Booker says stay on your bicycle Dolph. There’s an image for you, complete with Benny Hill music. Ziggler grabs a neckbreaker coming back in to take over. Another neckbreaker gets two so Dolph drops some elbows for the same result. Sheamus fights out of a chinlock and hits his power shots to come back. Powerslam gets two. Ziggler locks on a sleeper but Sheamus powers out of it by ramming Ziggler into the corner and out to the floor.

Dolph comes off the top but jumps into the Irish Curse. It gets two as Vickie puts the foot on the ropes. Sheamus loads up the Celtic Cross (Sheamus’, not Finlay’s). Irish Curse The Sequel gets two. Sheamus pounds his chest and shouts Brogue so Vickie calls out Swagger. The Kick takes him down but Ziggler hits a Fameasser. That only gets two so he tries the Zig Zag. Sheamus holds the ropes and catches Ziggler in the new finisher which is now called the White Noise.

Rating: B-. Pretty good match here with Sheamus continuing to roll over the upper midcard. Since they’re not going to give him and Bryan a concrete story, this works as well as anything else. Also it makes Sheamus look a lot stronger going into the PPV. At the end of the day though, he needs to pin Orton clean to really make himself look like the top challenger on Smackdown and I’m not sure I can see that. The other problem is that Bryan needs to be made to look strong also and I don’t think that’s going to happen.

We recap the Bryan vs. Punk stuff from Raw with the Battling Bosses.

Ace and Otunga are in Teddy’s office when Teddy comes in. Ace wants an apology for the attack by Teddy on Raw. Apparently Ace has a bad back now and its because of Teddy. Otunga is considering a civil suit against Teddy. Ace says an apology will do instead. Teddy says no because it made Ace look like “a cow on ice crossed with Sesame Street Big Bird.” Otunga vs. Khali on Monday. Ace suggests Teddy try yoga.

Heath Slater vs. Santino Marella

Santino attacks to start but the headbutt lands on knees. The announcers talk about Ace and Teddy. Cole: “See how tough he is?” Booker: “He used to have a skateboard. That’s how tough he is.” Anyway, Slater hits a Harlem Side Kick for two. He goes up but gets crotched and the Cobra ends it at 1:53.

Video on HHH vs. Undertaker, the same from Raw. The match simply isn’t as good as they’re trying to make it out to be. It’s very good. It’s a great match. It’s not this masterpiece that they’re pushing it as.

Natalya yells at Eve about Zach. Eve goes off on her about it and guess what Natalya winds up doing. You either want the Divas to be serious or you don’t. Pick one.

Natalya vs. Eve Torres

Natalya controls with a headlock and Booker has a thing for Eve. Now Booker diagnoses Natalya’s stomach issues. Eve slaps her so Natalya takes her down and pounds on her. Eve reverses a rollup into one of her own for the pin at 1:32.

Here’s Cody who has held the title for a very long time. If my math is right, if he holds the title until April 10, he’ll have held if for the longest reign since Rock’s in 97/98. Cody talks about Big Show’s Wrestlemania losses and shows some stills from the Akebono and Mayweather matches. Cody says Show should be thanking him for keeping Show out of Wrestlemania because Show would just floudner again. He’s got another Wrestlemania clip but Show cuts him off.

Cody runs into the crowd as soon as Show gets to the ring. Show says hang on a second. He wanted to watch the new clip with Cody like friends. Since Cody won’t come back though, Show better go get Cody. Cue Teddy who says hang on a minute. This isn’t Pamplona, Spain and Show can’t be running into the crowd like a bull. Show vs. Cody for the title is announced for Wrestlemania. That’s the second time the IC Title will be on the line at Mania since 2002.

Big Show vs. Mark Henry

Show takes him down to start but Henry fights back and clotheslines Show to the floor. The fans chant Sexual Chocolate as Show is sent into the timekeeper’s area. He gets back to the apron at 8 but Henry rams him into the exposed buckle as we take a break. Back with Henry pounding him down and Cody on commentary. Back to the floor and Henry rams Show’s back into the post.

With Show still against the post, Mark throws the steps at him. Since that would result in probable death, Show moves. Henry knocks him down again and hits a Vader Bomb for two. Show hits a superkick and a “spear” (it was a shoulder block) to take Henry down. Show sets for the chokeslam but gets caught in the Slam for two. So long Henry, hope you enjoyed your time in the main event. Henry charges into the corner but walks into the WMD for the pin at 5:22 shown of 8:52.

Rating: C-. It’s such a shame to see someone like Henry who has raised his game so much over the last six months and shocked the world by becoming a legit world champion to be sent down to this because of the way the WWE main event pushes work. Instead of going and feuding with a midcard face, they need to have him against other top good guys and losing, making his whole summer of dominance seem like it was nothing at all. Such is life in the WWE anymore.

Teddy tells Drew if he loses he’s fired. Again.

Orton says he’s back to normal, which means angry and wanting revenge. Bryan decided to pay the price and tonight Orton is going to collect.

Drew McIntyre vs. Justin Gabriel

Drew starts by blocking a kick and getting a clothesline for two. Another spin kick misses and Drew hits a big boot for two. Into the corner but Drew’s tilt-a-whirl slam is countered into a DDT. Gabriel goes up and hits the 450 for the pin at 1:44. Justin hit two moves the whole match.

Teddy pops up on screen and fires Drew. At least until next week when Ace rehires him because he sees a lot of potential in him or something. They mentioned that Ace discovered Drew and brought him to WWE in the first place during the match.

We get ALL of Rock and Cena from Monday. The version I watch is divided into 6 fifteen minute parts. I literally skipped all of part 5 because of this. There was NOTHING in there they could clip?

Daniel Bryan says he hasn’t changed since he won the title. He’s still the same down to Earth person who was born and raised in Aberdeen, Washington. However he moved to Vegas as soon as possible. He calls himself a role model and talks about how he beat Giant and Henry in a cage and five others in the Elimination Chamber.

Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton

The fans are split on Bryan. Orton sends him to the floor quickly and throws Bryan into things. He sends Bryan into the steps and kicks Bryan’s head into them. Back in Orton loads up a superplex but Bryan shoves him off and takes over. Knee to the head gets two as we take a break. Back with Bryan working over the arm and shoulder. Booker says that he’ll never call Bryan D-Bry again. Bryan stays on the shoulder but Orton hits a dropkick to get some seperation.

Booker runs down AJ now, calling Bryan her meal ticket. Is AJ really a heel, or does she just associate with one? I’m not exactly sure. The dropkick gets two. Bryan kicks him in the shoulder so Orton throws him into the Elevated DDT. RKO is countered twice and Bryan heads to the floor. Orton follows him and loads up the Elevated DDT on the floor….but here’s Kane. Didn’t see that one coming. The bell rings, presumably for a countout since Kane hasn’t touched anyone, at 6:30 shown of 10:00.

Rating: C. Well we knew it wasn’t going to be a clean finish. I’d assume this is going to set up Kane vs. Orton at Wrestlemania. That’s a feud I’ve always wanted to see as I’m a fan of both guys. It’s as good as anything else they’re going to get and it gives them both something to do. The match was just ok though as they didn’t have the time to get anything good going.

Orton goes straight at Kane for no apparent reason. Kane might have been coming to ask Booker if he wanted to buy some Girl Scout cookies. They go into the ring but Kane is clotheslined to the floor. He pulls Orton out and they brawl on the floor for a bit. Back inside and Orton’s shoulder goes into the post. A chokeslam puts Randy down and Kane wants a mic. He says welcome back Randy and that’s it.

Ace says it’s Kane vs. Aksana next week.

Overall Rating: B. I liked this show a lot. This is more the Smackdown style: steady as it goes and set up matches for the PPV. Here we set up the IC Title match, Kane vs. Orton and they furthered the Smackdown world title match. With four weeks to go until the PPV, that’s a pretty solid show as far as building to the PPV. I could have done without 1/6 of the show being about Cena vs. Rock though. They could have cut that down to about five minutes and it would have been fine. Better show than most recent ones here though.

Results
Sheamus b. Dolph Ziggler – White Noise
Santino Marella b. Heath Slater – Cobra
Eve Torres b. Natalya – Rollup
Justin Gabriel b. Drew McIntyre – 450 Splash
Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton went to a double countout

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Kind of at least.Ziggler won a Beat the Clock challenge tonight but since he made out with AJ in front of Vickie, he has to pick either #1 or #2.  Odds are he’ll be in there either about two minutes or close to forty five.

Monday Night Raw
Date: December 31, 2012
Location: Verizon Center, Washington, D.C.
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole

It’s the final show of the year, unless you count the other shows that were taped after this. For the second week in a row, we’ve got a show that probably shouldn’t happen but is anyway because WWE believes people want to sit around on New Year’s Eve and watch their pretty lame shows. We’re getting close to Rumble time but the first show of next year has the Rock and a title match so odds are we’ll hear about next week more than the PPV. Let’s get to it.

Here’s MizTV to open the show. Apparently tonight is a Championship Special, meaning all titles (minus the WWE Title I’m assuming) are on the line and the champions get to pick their opponents. Miz’s guest is Cena who tells us all happy holidays. Miz talks about Cena being on the show before when the AJ saga was going full scale. Tonight, Cena is going to be a guest at Ziggler and AJ’s champagne toast.

This brings out the Rhodes Scholars for no apparent reason with Damien quoting T. S. Elliot. Cena quotes RG3 (Redskins’ quarterback) and says the Scholars suck. Cena looks at Cody’s mustache and Sandow makes fun of the two of them going from main eventing Wrestlemania to being in the Scholars’ shadows. Cena wants a tag match RIGHT NOW and apparently he’s getting one. Cole: “Did you ever think you would see Miz and Cena on the same team?” You mean the former WWE Tag Team Champions Cole?

Rhodes Scholars vs. John Cena/The Miz

Cena and Cody start things off but a fast tag to Miz lets him come in with a top rope ax handle. Off to Sandow who is knocked to the floor almost immediately and we take a break. Back with Cena hitting a suplex on Sandow and hooking a chinlock. Off to Miz who fights out of the heel corner during a discussion of his mustache. Ten punches in the corner and a big left hand get two for Miz but Cody pounds him into the other corner to take over.

Damien hits the Wind-Up Elbow before it’s back to Cody for more chinlockery. Sandow comes back in and gets small packaged for two but he blocks the tag to Cena. Cody hooks a quick armbar before it’s back to Sandow for a knee drop. The match keeps going as Cody comes back in again for more really basic offense. Miz blocks a bulldog though and there’s the hot tag. It’s Sandow that gets to take the finishing sequence but Cody takes Cena down with the Disaster Kick. Cody walks into the Finale and Cena hits the AA on Sandow for the pin at 12:04.

Rating: C-. This got dull during the middle but you can’t say they’re not at least trying to make the fans accept Miz. Having him hang out with Cena is as good a way as you can make the people cheer him as there is in WWE, so why not try it? As usual though, Cole’s commentary made my head hurt.

There’s a New Year’s Party going on in the back of course. Ziggler runs into Vickie and gets a match with Sheamus as a result. I guess they’re done.

January 14 is the 20^th anniversary show so they can hopefully have a good rating.

The Prime Time Players dance in the back when Heyman and Punk come up to Vickie. Punk has brought his doctor to prove that his injury is indeed real. Vickie says that’s ok and asks Punk who he would have defended against tonight. Punk says Ryback of course, which leads to Ryback vs. the Shield in a handicap match after Punk whines about disrespect.

Here’s Cesaro to run down America. This brings out the only man you call when there’s someone anti-American and Jim Duggan is busy.

US Title: Antonio Cesaro vs. Sgt. Slaughter

Slaughter slaps him in the back to start but is promptly caught in a chinlock. A quick Cobra Clutch is countered by Antonio grabbing the rope and the Neutralizer ends this in 1:47. Were you expecting anything else?

Antonio hits another Neutralizer and there’s no Khali to make the save for some reason.

HELL NO is in the back pacing back and forth. They wanted to face the Shield tonight but now there’s no one to fight. All hail the great new tag division! Anyway they hear strange noises from behind a sliding door, and find 3MB singing. We’ve got opponents.

At the party Big Show asks Ricardo if he wants a title match tonight and apparently Show has picked him. Ricardo spills a drink on Show’s boot so Show scares Rodriguez a bit more.

Elsewhere, Kaitlyn brings Mae Young tot he party. Eve comes up and makes fun of her and picks Mae to face for the title shot. Oh joy.

Tag Titles: HELL NO vs. 3MB

It’s Slater/McIntyre here. We get a Nexus reunion to start with Daniel vs. Heath. Slater gets in a quick shot but walks into a surfboard and Kane. Didn’t Slater lose to Kane on the first season of NXT? Off to McIntyre as Cole talks about Auld Lang Syne. Back to Bryan who gets caught on the mat and stomped a bit before being low bridged to the floor. Mahal hits a running knee to the head and Bryan is in trouble.

Slater hooks a chinlock as Lawler makes band jokes. Bryan and Slater hit stereo cross bodies as Cole remembers there’s a tag title match going on. Hot tag brings in Kane for some slams and a leg drop (brother!). The side slam gets two on McIntyre and there’s the top rope clothesline. Slater is thrown to the floor and the chokeslam/Swan Dive retains the titles at 6:06.

Rating: C. Cole and Lawler sounded as bored as I’ve heard them sound in years out there. Can you really blame them though? We had two comedy teams against each other here, which is the problem with this show: why would the champions difficult opponents for themselves? Odds are we’ll see one title change hands tonight for fan service, which is better than nothing but it doesn’t make the rest of the show any easier to get through.

We recap the opening tag match.

Here are Punk, Heyman, and Punk’s doctor with something to say. Heyman talks about how Punk has been champion for 407 days which is rather impressive. Punk talks about everyone he’s beaten over the course of the last year and names them off as usual. Apparently people are questioning how real his knee is, with some even calling if felonious. Punk’s doctor, looking no more than about 24, with x-rays of what a good knee looks like compared to Punk’s knee. The doctor says that Punk can’t compete next week.

Cue Vince who has a different opinion I’m guessing. He suggests that Punk is trying to weasel his way out of the defense against Ryback and says next week that WWE physicians will look at Punk’s knee before next week. Vince thinks there’s something up between Punk and/or Maddox and the Shield. Punk is offended and denies an association with the four guys listed again. If Punk doesn’t go next week, Heyman takes his place.

Sheamus vs. Dolph Ziggler

Sweet Christmas how many times do we have to watch these two fight? Sheamus pounds him down to start and drops an elbow for two. Lawler makes jokes about AJ’s romantic issues over the year. Remember, this is JERRY LAWLER talking about someone’s relationship issues. Langston breaks up the ten forearms in the ropes and we take a break.

Back with Ziggler holding a quickly broken chinlock followed by the jumping DDT for two. The jumping elbow gets the same and Ziggler pounds away. We hit the chinlock again for a bit until Sheamus fights out. A powerslam puts Ziggler down and there’s a middle rope fallaway slam for a delayed two.

Sheamus goes up but gets crotched almost immediately, only to shove Ziggler down twice and hit the top rope shoulder for two. Dolph escapes the Cloverleaf but can’t escape White Noise for no cover. Langston breaks up the Brogue Kick but Shemaus sends Ziggler to the floor to escape the Zig Zag. Sheamus and Langston stare each other down and here’s the Shield for the DQ at 12:46.

Rating: C. To say I’m over this matchup would be the understatement of the year. For those two of you counting, this makes Sheamus 10-0 in singles matches and 18-1-1 in singles and regular tags against Dolph this year. Yet they wonder why Ziggler isn’t over in the main event scene. Anyway, the usual Ziggler vs. Sheamus match here with a screwy finish.

The Shield beats Sheamus down and hits the Triple Bomb on him.

Barrett comes up to Kofi in the back to set up their title match later tonight.

Brad Maddox asks Punk and Heyman for another shot. Heyman throws Maddox out. GO PAULIE GO!

Mae Young has a stomach ache and has to be examined. The doctor declares her pregnant. Mae: “Not again!”

Eve comes out to brag about how she would have defended against Mae tonight, and wants to be declared winner by forfeit. Oh wait she needs a photographer first. Instead she gets Kaitlyn. You know, BECAUSE THIS HASN’T HAPPENED ENOUGH YET. Kaitlyn charges the ring and beats Eve down and I don’t think there’s going to be a match. Ignore the referee in the ring I guess. Eve gets her belt and bails.

Alberto says he should get the shot instead of Ricardo. Rodriguez says he’ll win the title in Del Rio’s honor. Alberto apologizes for treating Ricardo badly over the years and says he’ll be there for Ricardo tonight. He also gives Rodriguez his scarf to make him look like a champion. Ricardo gets to drive Alberto’s car to the ring tonight too. See, THIS is the kind of stuff that makes people sympathize with Alberto more, unlike Miz who is the same guy he was before the turn. SHOW US how they’re different and we’ll buy it.

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Ricardo Rodriguez

Ricardo is in his tuxedo here. He goes for a leg to start and then the pain begins. Show hits a big chop in the corner and shouts in a Spanish accent. He talks trash to Alberto, allowing Ricardo to get a boot up in the corner followed by a running enziguri in the corner. Show’s boot out of the corner is countered into a kind of Stunner onto the knee, but Ricardo jumps into a big chop out of the corner. Show loads up the WMD when Alberto runs in for the DQ at 2:27.

Alberto kicks Big Show down and leaves, before doing THE WINK. I missed that thing.

Intercontinental Title: Kofi Kingston vs. Wade Barrett

Kofi is defending and fires off some kicks to start. As soon as the bell rang, the place went silent. Kofi does his leapfrogs into the back elbow into a dropkick for two. He rolls out of a top wristlock and tries Trouble in Paradise but Wade bails away. A clothesline puts both guys on the floor and we take our second break in less than five minutes. Back with Barrett in control via a boot to the face that is ONLY available from the WWE App. I know this because it was shown on Raw as Cole told us it was only available on the WWE App.

Barrett gets two off the pumphandle slam and fires away knees to the face. The boot in the ropes misses and Kofi kicks Wade to the floor. A springboard dive takes Barrett down and they head back in for Kofi to kind of botch a counter to the Boss Man Slam into a sunset flip for two. SOS gets two followed by Kofi’s punches in the corner being countered into a powerbomb for two on Kofi. The kick misses again and I think we have something cut out before the Wasteland gets two. Barrett runs Kofi over and kicks him in the head, but Kofi misses the springboard cross body. The Bull Hammer gives Barrett the title at 12:28.

Rating: C+. I was digging this match by the end even though the booking is annoying. Barrett winning the title is fine because Kofi is going to be stuck in the midcard area he’s in for years to come, which is fine. The match was solid enough and that’s what it needed to be, but I see absolutely no reason why this didn’t happen at TLC. All that match accomplished was making sure both guys have one clean win over the other, which is just stupid.

In the back, Mae is ready for delivery.

For some reason we recap last week’s Santa stuff. Nice job of enforcing that face push for Del Rio.

Santino and Zack show up to the party as Mae is about to deliver. HELL NO comes in and argue over whether or not this shouuld happen. Santino can see the baby coming. It’s Hornswoggle, complete with a hat, a banner saying Happy New Year, and a cigar. I have….nothing. My jaw is hanging open, I have no idea what I just saw, I don’t want to ever think about this again.

And now, here’s the Shield!

Ryback vs. The Shield

The brawl starts in the aisle before the bell and the beatdown begins until Sheamus runs down for the save. He gets beaten down as well until Randy Orton returns to make the real save. Good thing it wasn’t a long term injury. Methinks this is a six man for the Rumble. The non-Shield guys clear the ring. No match here.

It’s 10:45 and it’s time for the closing segment. Ziggler and AJ are in white and Langston is in his gear. Dolph complains about Cena winning Superstar of the Year and then Cena vs. Rock got Match of the Year, which Cena lost. Then the next night Lesnar returned and laid Cena out. Then Cena Lost to Johnny Ace. Then Cena lost his cash-in attempt. Then Ziggler beat Cena at TLC thanks to AJ.

Ziggler talks about how Cena is the same guy he was ten years ago (no he isn’t) and how it’s now Ziggler’s time. Cena is officially uninvited to the toast, so Langston is tasked with keeping Cena out of the ring. Ziggler and AJ kiss and here’s Cena. He says Ziggler is right and if you judge the year by how it goes out, 2012 was the year of Dolph and AJ.

Cena rips on AJ’s romance issues and we get the always “funny” fake photos of AJ and Ziggler shopping for wedding clothes and baby pictures. It’s a set of pictures of AJ’s children with various wrestlers’ faces superimposed, including Mr. Fuji, Eve, Matilda the Bulldog and Hillbilly Jim. Cena talks about how he’s been here ten years and had one bad year. Ziggler on the other hand has been here and has been a caddy then a cheerleader and now he carries around a briefcase. Cena enters the Rumble and promises to be champion next year.

John goes off on a rant about Ziggler and AJ wearing white and says that even though his uniform has never changed over the years (yeah it has), his message and resolve never have. Cena offers a toast to them to end the year…..and brown stuff that apparently smells bad falls from the ceiling onto Ziggler and AJ to end the show. Let’s see: superimposed images, Mae Young and human waste. It’s the WWE comedy triple pack!

Overall Rating: D+. Every good thing about last week’s show was absent tonight. There was no joy to this show at all and the “comedy” was excruciating. I mean, of all the things from the 90s to bring back, they pick Mae Young being pregnant? I get that it’s a one night thing but seriously, MAE YOUNG BEING PREGNANT IS WHAT YOU BRING BACK? The ending segment had its moments, but the “comedy” again brings it down. Next week has to be better than this one at least.

Results

John Cena/The Miz b. Rhodes Scholars – AA to Sandow

Antonio Cesaro b. Sgt. Slaughter – Neutralizer

HELL NO b. 3MB – Swan Dive to McIntyre

Sheamus b. Dolph Ziggler via DQ when the Shield interfered

Big Show b. Ricardo Rodriguez via DQ when Alberto Del Rio interfered

Wade Barrett b. Kofi Kingston – Bull Hammer

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: December 24, 2012
Location: Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

Greetings and welcome to the dumbest idea WWE has had in YEARS. That’s right, it’s a three hour show on CHRISTMAS FREAKING EVE. You know, the night when the target audience goes to bed early to make sure they’re up early the next morning. I’m REALLY not looking forward to this and odds are it’s going to suck because they don’t want to waste good ideas. Let’s get to it.

We open with the roster singing a WWE themed Christmas carol which to be fair is pretty funny stuff.

Here’s Santa Claus to be guest host tonight. He’s handing out presents….and gets run over by Alberto’s car. In something I never thought I’d have to say, Santa does a stretcher job. He gives a thumb up as we take a break. This was so campy that it was hilarious.

Back with Booker telling everyone to get through the night because that’s what Santa would want. Everyone yells at Del Rio when Cena comes in to really rub it in. Alberto says it wasn’t his fault, so Booker makes Cena vs. Del Rio in a Miracle on 34^th Street Fight. Cena: “I’LL DO IT FOR SANTA!”

Cody Rhodes vs. Kane

Kane throws him around to start but Cody comes back with a dropkick to the knee. Rhodes is sent to the floor but manages to send Kane’s arm into the post from the outside. Not bad. Back in and a middle rope dropkick gets one on Kane. Cole: “Kane is in his Christmas gear in red here.” Cody works over the arm as the match slows down a lot. A side slam puts Cody back down and there’s the clothesline from the top. Rhodes goes after the arm to block the chokeslam and hits the Disaster Kick to the shoulder. That means absolutely nothing as the chokeslam pins Cody at 5:53.

Rating: C. Just a match here as the Scholars and HELL NO continue to fight despite the champs beating them every single time they’ve fought. I don’t know of anyone who has fallen further in a year than Cody has, as he hasn’t done a thing of note this year aside from grow an overly popular mustache. Nothing to see here.

Rosa Mendes/Tamina Snuka/Aksana/Eve Torres vs. Alicia Fox/Natalya/Kaitlyn/Layla

Natalya and Aksana start things off as this is your usual excuse to have eight chicks in sexy Christmas outfits. Aksana gets beaten up so it’s off to Alicia who is thrown around by the hair. Off to Layla who I’m digging as a blonde. Rosa distracts Layla so Tamina can get in a shot so the match can drag on even longer. Layla finally comes back with a dropkick and it’s off to Kaitlyn to clean house. A shoulder gets two on Eve and everything breaks down. We get the parade of finishers (Aksana’s is a spinebuster) and Kaitlyn pins Eve at 5:27 after a gutbuster.

Rating: D. Eve looked great, Layla looked great, the rest didn’t look bad, that’s it. These matches happen every year and no one cares other than 13 year old boys. Kaitlyn needs to beat Eve for the freaking title already so no one can care anymore for the next few months again. Nothing to see here.

AJ and Dolph cuddle up and watch TLC.

We recap Santa’s injuries.

Here are some lumberjacks for the next match.

Big Show vs. Sheamus

Lumberjack match as I said. They shove each other around to start until Sheamus grabs a headlock. This is non-title as well. Show shoves him around a bit but gets guillotined on the top rope, allowing Sheamus to hit the ten forearms and the shoulder off the top. The Brogue Kick is loaded up but Show hits the floor and we hit a break.

Back with Show running over Sheamus before cranking on Sheamus’ arm. He even sings a Christmas song as he cranks. Sheamus grabs Show’s nose to escape but a slam attempt doesn’t work. We head to the floor where the lumberjacks work over Sheamus as they’re required to do. Back in and Sheamus is suplexed down for no cover, allowing Tensai to get in a cheap shot on Sheamus.

Show goes for some punches in the corner but Sheamus comes out of it with an electric chair drop. Cool visual there. Sheamus pounds away but gets caught in a chokeslam for two. Show’s standing legdrop gets two and the champ is getting frustrated. We hit a LONG bearhug until Sheamus punches his way out of it. Sheamus pounds away in the corner but gets caught by a clothesline for two.

A big old elbow gets two more for Show so he loads up the Vader Bomb. Naturally it misses so there’s White Noise for two. A Brogue Kick is blocked and the pale one is sent to the floor, triggering another brawl. Back in and Show misses the WMD, allowing Sheamus to hit a GREAT Brogue Kick for the pin at 14:00.

Rating: C+. These two work well together as always, but it doesn’t say much when a PPV match is now thrown onto TV with the world champion getting pinned 100% clean in the middle of the ring. Sheamus vs. Show simply does not need to continue, but since there are barely any top heels on Smackdown anymore, what else is Sheamus supposed to do?

Sheamus and the good lumberjacks clear the ring.

We get the Miz segment with the Muppets from Tribute to the Troops.

Here’s Otunga to explain why Santa was at fault earlier. Cue Ryder to say how stupid this is and squash Otunga.

Zack Ryder vs. David Otunga

Ryder starts fast and gets two off some clotheslines. Otunga takes it into the corner and pounds away a bit before getting two off a posing neckbreaker. We hit an early chinlock which goes nowhere, so Otunga goes back to the clotheslines. Back to the chinlock as we have another match that is going on longer than it has any right to do. Ryder fights up and hits his usual stuff like the middle rope dropkick and the Broski Boot. After the first one is blocked, the Rough Ryder gets the pin at 4:53.

Rating: D. If it wasn’t clear earlier that they were filling in time tonight with anything they could find, I think they’ve proven it now. Nothing to see here but the fans still respond to Ryder. Not like he should have another shot or anything, because he’s just done in a few months what writers can’t accomplish in months: getting himself over.

Booker and Teddy are in the back when Brad Maddox comes in. The usual results follow and his opponent will be an elf.

Kofi Kingston/The Miz vs. Antonio Cesaro/Wade Barrett

Miz and Cesaro start things off with Antonio shoving him around with ease. Now Miz frustrates Cesaro before hitting a flapjack for two. Barrett comes in and pounds away a bit before getting dropkicked down for two. Off to Kofi to work on the English dude’s arm. Wade bails from Trouble in Paradise and here’s Cesaro again. A kind of spinebuster puts Kofi down and the heels take over again.

Barrett comes back in for a surfboard hold, followed by a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. There’s the gutwrench suplexe from Cesaro and we hit a fast chinlock. Kofi kicks him away and there’s the not very hot tag to Miz. He cleans house on Barrett before hitting the top rope ax handle for no cover. The Finale is broken up by Cesaro but Miz kicks Wade into the ropes. Kofi kicks Wade in the head, allowing Miz to hit the Finale for the pin at 5:56. Barrett got pinned if that wasn’t clear.

Rating: C-. Not much to see here but they’re still trying to give Miz a push no matter how awkward it’s coming off so far. At least they’re trying hard for once. Other than that though, nothing to see as AGAIN they’re just letting these feuds continue for the sake of letting them continue. Wasn’t Miz feuding with Sandow though?

Santa is still hurt.

AJ gives Ziggler his MITB case and takes off her robe to reveal a Ziggler shirt and her tiny shorts. Kissing ensues.

Brad Maddox vs. Great Khali

Maddox tells Khali that he (Khali) isn’t an elf. Maddox gets the chest chops that he deserves and is sent to the floor where Horny works him over a bit. Brad goes after the knee and takes Khali down, working on the knee in the process. A chop puts Maddox down but he poses from one knee. Brad goes to the middle rope, gets chopped, clotheslined and hit with a Punjabi Plunge for the pin at 3:12 Screw rating this. It was a squash and that’s it.

Khali and Horny sing and dance.

Here are Punk and Heyman to make fun of Christmas carols and Pittsburgh. Punk makes fun of the Steelers by saying he’s a Cubs fan. Girl in the audience: “WHO ARE THE CUBS?” Idiot. Punk says Ryback has ruined Christmas and Hanukah, but has Ryback been punished? Of course not. Instead, he gets a title shot on the first Raw of the new year. Maybe Ryback should get a shot if there was ANY proof that Punk was working with Maddox or the Shield, but there’s no proof of that at all.

Punk complains about being in rehab and physical therapy over the holidays, unlike the Pittsburgh fans who are out bar hopping. Heyman talks about how Punk has been the victim of a conspiracy over the last 400 days. Ryback has failed in both of his title shots but he’s getting a third. Cue Ryback, who announces that the match on the seventh is a TLC match. He starts a TLC match and that’s that.

Daniel Bryan vs. Damien Sandow

It’s a battle of the classical music. Bryan shouts NO at Sandow when Sandow asks for silence. Bryan tries a fast NO Lock but Damien heads to the floor where Bryan hits the knee off the apron. Back in and there’s a running dropkick in the corner for one for Daniel. There’s the moonsault out of the corner by Bryan and it’s time for the kicks to the chest. A big kick misses though and Sandow rolls him up for tow.

Bryan is sent to the apron and into the buckle, knocking him to the outside. A few shots into the apron get two for Damien and we hit the chinlock. Sandow hits the Russian legsweep and Wind-Up Elbow for two. He loads up a superplex but gets knocked down, but Bryan misses the swan dive. Not that it matters as there’s the NO Lock for the tap out at 5:38.

Rating: C+. Another decent match here that really accomplished nothing. We get it: the champs can beat the Scholars. They’ve done it about ten times now, which means I’d bet on the Scholars getting the titles before the end of the Rumble. The match itself was fine, but there was nothing to remember in it at all.

Prime Time Players/Tensai/3MB vs. Brodus Clay/Santino Marella/Justin Gabriel/Tyson Kidd/Usos

Take 12 guys, throw them into a tag match I guess. Brodus and Young start and Darren has his arm worked on. Off to Tyson who continues the idea before hitting some dropkicks. Off to Tensai who suplexes Gabriel, only to get kicked in the face. Hot tag brings in Santino who gets taken down by Mahal. Off to Jey vs. O’Neal as we try to get everyone into the match.

Titus throws him around but gets sent into the corner, allowing for double tags to Jimmy and Slater. A Bubba Bomb puts Heath down and there’s the running Umaga attack in the corner. Everything breaks down and Brodus runs over everyone. Finishers are hit everywhere until everyone hits a big move on Slater. Jimmy hits the Superfly Splash on him for the pin at 6:13.

Rating: D+. Not much to see here but the ending with a bunch of finishers hitting in a row is almost always cool. The tag division is falling down again as only about two teams are getting to do anything anymore. Still though, at least these guys are getting on TV which is more than they’ve done in awhile.

HELL NO exchanges presents. Bryan gets a Slammy and Kane gets a puppy. Kane: “Thanks! I’m starving!” Bryan loses it and takes the puppy back.

AJ and Dolph read the Night Before Christmas, with AJ enjoying beating up Cena far too much. That’s a running theme tonight. The make out under some mistletoe and knock over the Christmas tree.

Santa is still unconscious but his heart monitor starts playing Jingle Bells. His feet start knocking together, and the fans ERUPT. You can’t beat the classics.

Alberto Del Rio vs. John Cena

Street fight here. Cena pounds away in the corner to start and we quickly head to the floor. Del Rio whips him into the steps and goes after the arm. Isn’t Del Rio supposed to be a face? Back in and Alberto gets a mic, saying that what happened to Santa was an accident. Del Rio hits Cena with the mic, but Cena blocks another try and shouts SAAAAAAAAANTA before pounding away on Del Rio.

John heads to the floor to open a present, finding a chair. A few shots to Del Rio’s back get two as Ricardo pulls the referee to the floor. After a chase, Del Rio catches Cena coming in with a clothesline. Ricardo hands Del rio a present, and it’s a pie. You know whose head that is going upside. I hope Ricardo knows a good cleaner. They head up the ramp and Cena opens another package, finding a television monitor. Del Rio is knocked loopy as we take a break.

Back with Del Rio in trouble and opening another package. Inside this one…..is a teddy bear. Del Rio throws the bear at John, giving Cena the line of the night: Cena: “A BEAR? SERIOUSLY???” Ricardo gets wrapped up in a wreath and has a box broken over his head. Cena knocks Del Rio down and goes to look for another weapon. Fans: “USE THE TREE! USE THE TREE! USE THE TREE!” Del Rio gets crushed with the tree and Cena opens another box, finding a bowling ball. He rolls it down the ramp, hitting a perfectly placed Del Rio. Cena is a good shot actually.

John pulls out a fire extinguisher and sprays Del Rio down to make it a white Christmas. Cole and Jerry are probably reaching a record for the most Christmas puns in one night. Ricardo jumps on Cena’s back and actually chokes him down…..BUT SANTA IS BACK! He whacks Ricardo over the head with his bag of toys and puts an oven mit on his hand. That acts as a sock in this case for a mandible claw, which sets up the AA for the pin at 14:53.

Rating: B. If you didn’t like this match, I feel sorry for your non-existent soul. I had a blast with this match as it was exactly the kind of fun and goofy match that we needed to end a show like this. Seriously, how can you not have fun with something like this? The presents were a great touch and having Santa come out at the end was great.

Cena and presumably Mick Claus hug to end the show. Cena is worried about the time because Santa has work to do.

Overall Rating: B. I still say this show didn’t need to exist and should have been the Tribute to the Troops special, but the main event was very fun. Nothing here was bad at all and having the Santa story going through the show was fine. They didn’t add anything here and they really didn’t need to as no one is watching tonight. This was a fun episode but the rating is going to be lucky to crack a 2.0.

Results

Kane b. Cody Rhodes – Chokeslam

Kaitlyn/Alicia Fox/Natalya/Layla b. Rosa Mendes/Aksana/Eve Torres/Tamina Snuka – Gutbuster to Eve

Sheamus b. Big Show – Brogue Kick

Zack Ryder b. David Otunga – Rough Ryder

The Miz/Kofi Kingston b. Wade Barrett/Antonio Cesaro – Skull Crushing Finale to Barrett

Great Khali b. Brad Maddox – Punjabi Plunge

Usos/Tyson Kidd/Justin Gabriel/Brodus Clay/Santino Marella b. 3MB/Tensai/Prime Time Players – Superfly Splash to Slater

John Cena b. Alberto Del Rio – Attitude Adjustment

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

He debuted on Raw tonight after tearing NXT apart for months now.  If you’ve never seen this guy and you’re a fan of unstoppable monsters, you’re in for a treat.

Monday Night Raw
Date: December 10, 2012
Location: Prudential Center, Newark, New Jersey
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

It’s the go home show for TLC and the main event has been changed to the six man tag instead of the regular TLC match due to Punk’s knee injury. Other than that we’ve got more Cena vs. Ziggler stuff tonight as the focus is going to be on getting ready for Sunday. Hopefully unlike last night’s TNA PPV, we can actually have something happen at TLC. Let’s get to it.

After the usual voiceover, here’s Ziggler on a ladder in the middle of the ring. He says tonight he’s here to talk about the numbers six and fifteen. It’s six days until TLC and fifteen days before Christmas. Cena has already cashed in one case and lost, but he still gets shot after shot after shot. Ziggler is going to cash in and become the best world champion ever.

Cue Sheamus who spends about two minutes talking and says he’ll win and Ziggler will lose on Sunday. Show comes out and says both of them are delusional and that he’ll beat either of them. Sheamus says he can’t attack Show before Sunday, but he can have contact with someone else. He shoves Ziggler off the ladder and out to the floor. Nice guy that Sheamus.

Vince is here.

R-Truth vs. Wade Barrett

Kofi and Cesaro are on commentary. Before the bell though, here’s a nearly dancing Vince. Vince hypes up the main event tonight and brings out Vickie to praise her for the main event she made. However, we need a second main event. Vince prods her into making Sheamus vs. Ziggler. That’s STILL not enough though because he wants a third main event. Vickie comes up with AJ in a handicap match but Vince changes it to AJ vs. Vickie. Yep, we have a blowoff match….I hope.

Barrett takes him to the floor to start as there are probably fifteen ladders spread around the arena. Kofi lists off his resume as Barrett stops Truth’s comeback. The pumphandle slam is countered into a rollup for the pin for Truth at 1:50. Yep, I totally buy Barrett as a threat to Kofi now.

Kofi hits a springboard cross body to Barrett post match.

AJ is REALLY excited about the match tonight and tells everyone about it. She goes to find Cena and goes into the locker room. Comedy ensues because she isn’t supposed to see some stuff.

Prime Time Players vs. Rhodes Scholars vs. Usos vs. Epico/Primo

Eliminations rules here and the winners get to face Mysterio and Cara in a tables match on Sunday. The winners of THAT get a title shot. I’ve heard stupider stipulations. Jey and Epico start but it’s quickly off to Jimmy who gets two off a double elbow. Primo comes in for an enziguri (that part clearly missed)/downward spiral combo which thankfully only gets two. Primo dropkicks Jey’s knee out and steps on him a bit but it’s quickly off to Jimmy for a superkick. Jey takes out Epico and the Superfly splash from Jimmy eliminates the cousins.

Titus takes Jey’s head off with a clothesline and we take a break. Apparently the Players got eliminated via a superkick and Superfly Slash to Darren while we were away. So it’s Rhodes Scholars vs. Usos for a shot at Mysterio/Cara. Gee I wonder where this is going. Sandow comes in and is immediately knocked down by Jimmy for two. Back to Jey for a modified Demolition Decapitator, but Sandow gets a boot up in the corner to break up the momentum.

Cody comes in sporting a mustache and we get a CODY’S MUSTACHE chant. Rhodes doesn’t do much and it’s quickly off to Sandow for the Wind-Up Elbow. Cody’s bulldog is countered and the tag brings Jimmy back in. I don’t think Cole knows which Uso is which. There’s the Samoan Drop to Cody followed by the running Umaga attack in the corner. The Usos load up the Superfly again but Cody gets his knees up. Cross Rhodes give the Scholars the match at TLC at 10:56.

Rating: C+. As is the trend on Raw tonight, they’re keeping things fast paced tonight. Nothing tonight has felt long and that’s making things a lot better. Cody’s mustache and the Usos were definite highlights, and I like this idea of getting rid of a team during the break. Seriously, we didn’t need to see the Players get put out and why extend a match even longer than they need to?

Alicia Fox vs. Eve Torres

Non-title I believe. Apparently the Muppets are the social media ambassadors tonight. Jerry: “How does Miss Piggy type with those hooves?” Cole: “……that’s a really good question.” It’s your standard gymnastics stuff with Eve being sent to the floor. Claims a knee injury but Alicia doesn’t seem to care. A northern lights’ suplex and a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker both get two for Fox, but Eve pulls her off the top and hits the spinning neckbreaker for the pin at 2:30.

Eve calls the ringside photographer into the ring to take pictures of her post match.

Punk and Heyman are here with the champ on crutches.

Here’s Punk on crutches. He says there’s nothing to the theories that he’s faking the injury because he doesn’t want to face Ryback on Sunday. We get a clip of the end of Raw on Monday where the injury apparently was exacerbated. The fans chant FEED ME MORE and Heyman says that’s ticking him off. He talks about how Punk is a legitimate champion who doesn’t have a stunt double like the Rock. Punk isn’t thinking about Ryback anymore, because Ryback isn’t in front of him anymore.

As for those people that think he should be stripped of the title, which must be Ryback fans for the most part, come and try to do it. No one has been able to take the title from him and he lists off all the names that he’s beaten in his reign that he’s beaten. At the Rumble, Rock will be another name on that list. Punk will be at the PPV on Sunday to watch the Shield, who he is NOT affiliated with, beat up HELL NO and Ryback.

We recap the announcement of Vickie vs. AJ, which is literally just the match being announced. Why bother showing this?

Sheamus vs. Dolph Ziggler

Sheamus takes over to start and goes after Ziggler’s leg, which apparently was injured in the ladder fall earlier. The fans get behind Ziggler I think and he rakes the eyes to slow Sheamus down. There’s a dropkick by Dolph but he gets backdropped to the floor as we take a break. Back with Ziggler holding a chinlock and sending Sheamus out to the floor. Back in and a neckbreaker gets two for Dolph but Sheamus sends him into the buckle. Sheamus starts his comeback but misses a charge, sending him shoulder first into the post.

Ziggler goes up but jumps into the fallaway slam followed by the forearms in the ropes. Sheamus goes up but gets crotched, allowing Dolph to hit a top rope X Factor for two. The Cloverleaf is escaped but there’s the Irish Curse for two. These near falls are getting really close. Ziggler rolls away from a Brogue Kick and gets a chair, whacking Sheamus for the DQ at 15:12.

Rating: C+. The ending was annoying but it was really the best idea at the end of the day. You don’t want to have one of your main event guys losing on Raw six days before the PPV. Ziggler looked aggressive here which is the right idea for him, but shouldn’t he be using a ladder instead of a chair here?

Shemus kicks the chair into Ziggler’s face post match.

Khali and Horny come in to help Vickie stretch when Vince walks in on a compromising position. Vince: “I thought this was supposed to be a family show.”

We get a video of the Shield’s attack on Kane on Smackdown. This is followed by I think the same holding the camera promo from the Shield from Friday.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Zack Ryder

Ryder gets a forearm in to start and hooks a very fast chinlock. The fans are way behind Ryder because of the location of the show and the fact that he’s facing one of the least interesting wrestlers in years. He sends Del Rio into the corner but gets kicked in the ribs for his efforts. The kick to the arm keeps Ryder down and we hit a chinlock.

Ryder comes back with a sunset flip but walks into a German suplex for two. After another chinlock, Ryder comes back with a backdrop over the buckle in the corner to send Del Rio outside. There are the double knees in the corner but the Broski Boot misses. Cross Armbreaker ends this at 6:30.

Rating: D+. Not much to see here but it’s good to see them bring out someone other than the usual guys we see all the time as jobbers. Anyway, Ryder continues to be nothing in WWE anymore but at least he was there for a bit right? Del Rio on the other hand continues to be the least interesting wrestler in YEARS.

AJ vs. Vickie Guerrero

Big reaction for AJ of course. Vickie yells a lot….and we have no referee. The referee is apparently going to be Brad Maddox. Vickie yells a lot more and jumps AJ as AJ is glaring at Maddox. Vickie beats on AJ some more until AJ goes into psycho mode. She kind of spears Vickie down and Vickie runs up the aisle. Back in and Vickie gets beaten on some more and slapped down, but Maddox won’t cover. Vickie rolls up AJ for the pin at 2:12. Yep, again, Vickie gets the last laugh. As always.

AJ goes nuts and turns over some ladders at ringside before slapping the ring announcer.

Post break AJ is still going nuts when Cena comes up to try to calm her down. He hugs AJ and the look on his face is a bit awkward.

Kofi Kingston vs. Antonio Cesaro

Antonio does his schtick before the match starts. Cesaro takes over to start and muscles Kofi down into a headlock. Kofi fights up but gets his arm draped over the top rope as Cesaro keeps control. Kingston tries a springboard chop but gets punched in the ribs on the way down. All Antonio so far and the crowd isn’t that interested in what’s going on.

An elbow drop gets two on Kofi but he finally starts his comeback. Antonio rolls away from the Boom Drop so Kofi monkey flips him down instead. Cesaro gets a boot up in the corner and we take a break. Back with Kofi escaping a body vice and getting two off a sunset flip. The gutwrench suplex gets two for Cesaro as does a spinebuster. Back to the body vice for a bit but Kofi comes back for a bit.

The SOS is broken up though and a European Uppercut to the back of the head puts Kofi down for two. The SOS connects but Cesaro grabs the bottom rope. In an AWESOME move, Kofi goes up for the cross body but Cesaro pulls him out of the air and into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. The Neutralizer gets the pin at 13:46.

Rating: B-. Another good match between these two and while it’s likely the right move to have Kofi lose here to keep him even with Barrett tonight, it would have been better to have Wade come out to cause the loss given the attack earlier. Cesaro is being pushed STRONG lately as even Sheamus didn’t get a clean win over him. Hopefully they don’t screw him up as is usually the case with hot new guys.

The Rhodes Scholars are the guests on MizTV. Rhodes is reintroduced to the crowd after being gone for a few weeks. He makes fun of Miz for not meaning anything in years before Miz makes fun of Cody’s mustache. Gay jokes are made and Sandow suggests that Miz has lost touch with reality. Miz says that the Scholars are going to hit the mat harder than Pacquiao did in the sixth round. I believe it was the fifth but whatever. Sandow: “You’re not a very good host are you?”

Miz asks Cody how it felt when Sandow didn’t come visit him in the hospital. How does it feel when Sandow says Cody is the Jannetty to his Shawn Michaels? Cody is getting ticked off now. Miz goes on a mini-rant against Cody but Rhodes cuts him off. He says he’s heard all of this before and says that he’s not going to listen to this nonsense anymore and the interview is over. Miz renames the Scholars the Pink and the Stink. What in the world was the point of this segment?

AJ wants to join Cena at ringside tonight. He doesn’t think so because he’d be worried about her getting hurt. AJ finally says ok she’ll stay in the back.

John Cena vs. Big Show

Ziggler is on commentary of course. Show headbutts Cena down to start and then does it again. A splash in the corner puts Cena down in the corner but Show yells at the crowd instead of following up. Cena tries the tried and true method of jumping on Show’s back to choke him out. That only gets a one count so Cena tries the AA. Since it’s the first time, Cena collapses under the weight.

We take a break and come back with Cena countering a chokeslam into a DDT. Show comes back with a side slam for two as Ziggler says Cena is actually impressing him here. Cena fires away with some punches but Show spears him down for two. A BIG elbow drop gets the same for Show and we hit the bearhug. Cena fights out but the STF is easily shrugged off.

They head to the floor for a bit with Show sending Cena into the barricade. Show palms Cena’s head to pull him back up to the apron. That’s SCARY strength. The Vader Bomb actually hits for two and Show does his usual blank stare. An attempt at a second one misses so Cena hits the ProtoBomb and Shuffle but Show no sells them both. The chokeslam gets two so Cena hits the AA. And here’s the Shield for the DQ at 13:52.

Rating: C. It’s Cena vs. Show so you know what you’re going to get here. Also given the absence of the six guys in the TLC match on Sunday, you knew there were going to be shenanigans going on here. Not a terrible match or anything and the AA is always a cool thing to see on Big Show. This was what you would have expected.

The Shield destroys Cena until HELL NO runs in for the save. Show and Ziggler get involved so here’s Sheamus to take out Ziggler. Cena spears Show through a table the Shield set up but the numbers are still in the Shield’s favor. Cue Ryback who throws a ladder into the ring to take out all three Shield members. A HUGE brawl ends the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This show worked better because they kept the show moving at a much faster pace. Nothing here dragged on too long and the show was MUCH easier to get through as a result. They hyped up the major matches for Sunday other than the six man which didn’t get much time at all until the end of the show. Still though, fun show here and if they can keep up this pace (which I highly doubt), the show would be WAY easier to get through.

Results

R-Truth b. Wade Barrett – Rollup

Rhodes Scholars b. Prime Time Players, Primo/Epico and Usos – Cross Rhodes to Jimmy Uso

Eve Torres b. Alicia Fox – Spinning Neckbreaker

Sheamus b. Dolph Ziggler via DQ when Ziggler used a chair

Alberto Del Rio b. Zack Ryder – Cross Armbreaker

Vickie Guerrero b. AJ – Rollup

Antonio Cesaro b. Kofi Kingston – Neutralizer

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: November 26, 2012
Location: Cajundome, Lafayette, Louisiana
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

We’re getting closer to TLC now and the main story tonight is an interview with the three NXT guys. I’m curious to see where things are going with them as we haven’t gotten an explanation yet. On top of that we’re likely to get some more matches set for the PPV, including whatever Punk’s title match is going to be. Let’s get to it.

The voiceover gets us going with a recap of AJ/Cena/Vickie/Dolph. You know, because people aren’t going to remember it. Oh and there’s stuff about the NXT guys.

Ryback vs. Titus O’Neal

Titus pounds him down to start but walks into the Thesz Press and head smashes. O’Neal wants time out so Ryback runs him over. Darren Young tries to interfere, allowing Titus to hit the Clash of the Titus for one. Ryback shoves the Players together, hits a spinebuster, the Meat Hook and Shell Shock for the pin at 3:17.

Rating: D+. Total squash here as another pair of guys who are likely going to be champions soon lose because Ryback has to squash someone and there’s NO ONE but these guys he could do it to. The problem with booking like this is why am I supposed to buy the Players as a major threat now if they just got killed like that? Especially if they’re champions, because apparently one guy can beat them up.

Ryback says he’s not leaving until he gets Punk, the three guys, or all four.

Security comes out after a break and Ryback destroys one of them. Vickie comes out and says she has no choice but Ryback cuts her off. He wants Punk at TLC but Vickie says he has to leave. Ryback tells her to shut up because he’s not finished. He wants Punk at TLC in a TLC match or he’ll tear the ring apart. Vickie says ok but get out of the ring. Ryback goes after security but they all leave.

We recap Hornswoggle spraying water on Rosa last week. Earlier today Rosa yells at Horny but he wants to know who would want to kiss her and give her flowers. Alberto comes to her defense but Khali stops Alberto before any damage can be done.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Great Khali

This is joined in progress after a break with Khali chopping Del Rio’s chest. Rosa is watching in the back. Horny is at ringside as Khali chops away some more. Del Rio comes back with a shot to the arm and a superkick before hammering on the arm a bit. Alberto charges into an elbow in the corner and some clotheslines from Khali. There’s the big chop but Ricardo’s distraction stops the Vice. Horny bites Ricardo’s pants and there’s a kick and Codebreaker to the arm. Armbreaker gets the tap at 3:35.

Rating: D+. I’m glad Khali is back given how bad he was doing there for awhile and it’s good to see Del Rio down the card and fighting ANYONE not named Orton for awhile, but this was nothing much. Then again, what do you expect from a guy like Khali? Not much of a match but it did its job well enough I guess.

Punk and Heyman come in to yell at Vickie and accuse her of being biased. She gave him the shot because of the screwjobs Punk has been behind. He denies being behind them but Vickie puts Punk in a match with the winner of the Raw Poll: either Bryan or Kane.

We get a sitdown interview with the three NXT guys from earlier today. Ambrose cuts off cole and wants to know who is asking about them. Ambrose says they’re not working for Punk and Rollins says the question should be why are they doing this. Rollins talks about how everyone has to answer to everyone, but at the end of the day it’s a popularity contest that determines who gets everything in the WWE. He says they’re a shield against wrong.

Ambrose says it was wrong to have Punk face guys he already fought and if Ryback had been champion for a year and Punk tried to interfere, they would have stopped him too. Cole asks if Roman has anything to say. He says if he has something to say, he’ll say it. Ambrose says they’re not the Nexus or the NWO but rather the shield from injustice. Reigns stands up and says this interview is over. They all walk out to end things. Not bad but I’m not wild on the Shield name.

Fandango is coming and we see his face. Egads this is going to SUCK.

Alicia Fox vs. Tamina Snuka

Tamina says this match is a warning to AJ to not mess with Vickie again. Jerry goes onto some small rants about how Shield is crooked. Total squash by Tamina who wins with a Samoan Drop and Superfly Splash in 2:05. Next.

Here’s Cena to address the AJ/Vickie stuff. After probably the tenth recap of the kiss, Cena talks about how he’s had a ton of moments in his ten years here, but he’s never been interrogated more than having people ask if AJ is a good kisses. He’s about to talk about it when Vickie comes out to say I told you so. She pulls out a big box (not that kind of box. It’s a PG show) and has matching bathrobes for Cena and AJ. Vickie goes on a long rant about AJ and here she comes, looking SMOKING hot in a white top and jeans.

AJ says she’s had issues with men over the last year but she’s learning from them. Since she’s not GM anymore, she can date whoever she wants and can do whatever she wants. She goes to kiss John but Vickie freaks out. Vickie is called a dog, and here’s Ziggler to interrupt AGAIN. Dolph asks what’s going on with Cena and why Cena attacked him on Smackdown. Ziggler says he’s figured it out. Last week when AJ kissed Cena, she was thinking about Dolph the whole time. Cena is about to go after Ziggler but Vickie stops him. It’s Cena vs. Ziggler tonight.

Kofi Kingston vs. Tensai

Non-title, because why make it a title match? Tensai knocks him down into the corner so Kofi speeds things up….and has his head knocked off by a shoulder block. Tensai puts on perhaps the least interested looking armbar of all time before Kingston comes back and hits a chop off the top rope.

A clothesline puts Tensai down (ignore that he was clearly falling before Kofi touched him) and there’s the Boom Drop. Trouble in Paradise is blocked and Tensai catches the pendulum kick in the corner. An elbow gets two but a Vader Bomb misses. Kofi hits Trouble in Paradise from the floor and wins with a top rope cross body at 3:30.

Rating: D. This was really sloppy and should have ended with the first Trouble in Paradise attempt. Tensai clearly just does not care at all anymore and why should he? He’s a pure jobber to the stars and not a very good one at that. This was a dull match that was there so Barrett can look at Kofi some more.

Barrett hands Kofi the title post match.

Bryan shows Kane a voting map which proves how much more popular he is than Kane. Unfortunately they don’t have polling data where Kane comes from so Kane can’t win. Kane offers to send Bryan there to find out but we get the poll results instead. Kane wins 59-41, in a surprising result. Bryan gets Rey Mysterio as a consolation prize.

Daniel Bryan vs. Rey Mysterio

Feeling out process to start with Rey sending Bryan to the floor, only for Daniel to slide back inside and hit a running knee to the face from the apron. Back in and Bryan cranks on the arm in a move that looks SICK. He has an armbar on but bends Rey’s arm back so far that he can stand on it for two. FREAKING OW MAN! Both guys get sent to the floor as the other one slides back in and we take a break.

Back with Rey getting crotched and Bryan firing away kicks to Rey in the Tree of Woe. Bryan puts on a surfboard for a bit before sending Rey into the post on the floor. That gets two so Bryan loads up a superplex. Rey fights out and hits the seated senton as things speed up. Rey escapes a sunset flip and kicks Bryan in the head for two. Bryan gets sent into the corner where Rey hits a 619 around the post and the top rope splash for the pin at 12:43.

Rating: C+. Not bad here and it was nice to see a clean pin. I have less of a problem with a tag team champion losing in a singles match, especially when it could set up a title match later on between the two teams. This show has been having bad match after bad match so far so this was a nice change of pace. Decent stuff here, as expected.

Alberto winks at Rosa and walks away with Ricardo. Who is he more interested in anyway?

We recap Raw from last week AGAIN. Dear freaking goodness WE GET IT.

Now we recap the end of Smackdown with Ziggler pinning Orton and getting taken out by Cena to end the show.

Dolph Ziggler vs. John Cena

Feeling out process to start with neither guy being able to get an advantage, likely because they’re just feeling each other out. Ziggler takes Cena down and we take a break. Back with Cena on the floor, apparently after having been rammed into the steps. Ziggler throws him back into the ring and does situps while using Cena to hold his feet down. Cena pops up and starts his finishing sequence, but the Shuffle is broken up by a kick to the face. A jumping DDT gets two for Ziggler and it’s sleeper time.

Cena rams Ziggler into the corner to counter and puts on the STF but Ziggler does the crawl to the ropes to escape. Cena staggers around and walks into a BIG dropkick to put both guys down. Ziggler goes up top for a cross body but Cena rolls through into the AA. Dolph kind of botches the counter as he lands on his legs instead of his feet, but he comes back with the Zig Zag for two.

Cena hits the spinning slam and loads up the Shuffle again, but the knee gives out. John rolls to the floor and Ziggler unhooks a buckle pad. This draws out AJ to stop him but Vickie comes out as well and pulls her off the apron (doesn’t that mean she’s fired?). Dolph tries a shot with the case but but Cena ducks and hits the AA for the pin at 11:50.

Rating: B-. Another good match between these two, but it makes me wonder what we’re building to with this story now. It would have seemed to be for this match, so maybe it’s a mixed tag or something? I certainly hope not, because that would be more than a waste of time. The match here was good though, which is always a good thing.

AJ kisses Cena again post match.

Sheamus vs. Antonio Cesaro

Time for a match to be stretched to about fifteen minutes because we need a match to be stretched to about fifteen minutes. Sheamus pounds away on him in Sheamus-esque fashion before we head to the floor. Cesaro whips him into the steps and we take a break. Back with Cesaro getting two off a clothesline and the same off a gutwrench suplex. Irish Curse gets two for Sheamus but White Noise is countered.

Instead Sheamus gets two off a powerslam, but Antonio comes back with a kind of reverse Angle Slam, where he slammed Sheamus forward instead of backwards. I’ve never seen that before and it gets two. Sheamus kicks him away and pulls himself to the top. The shoulder jumps into the uppercut though, drawing a gasp from the crowd. The Neutralizer is broken up and the Brogue Kick sends Antonio to the floor for the countout at 12:52.

Rating: C+. This got good towards the end and I’m glad Cesaro didn’t get pinned, but it was really hard to believe that he ever had a legit chance at winning. Sheamus continues to look strong before the match at TLC, where he actually could get the title back. Either way, decent stuff here and thankfully they didn’t pin Cesaro.

Show comes out during the referee’s count but it means nothing. He has a chair and Sheamus says he’ll do it right now if Show wants. Show literally rips and breaks the chair apart.

Damien Sandow vs. Zack Ryder

Ryder’s trunks and pads have a Ghostbusters theme to them now. Sandow gets flipped down and he hides on the floor, only to come back with strikes to the face for two. Off to a chinlock by Damien followed by a knee drop. The Wind-Up Elbow gets two and it’s off to a crossface chickenwing. Ryder makes a comeback with a forearm in the corner but Sandow rolls to the floor before the Broski Boot can hit. Ryder goes up, only to get crotched and caught in the Terminus for the pin at 4:50.

Rating: D+. Picture a Sandow vs. Ryder match. This one is the most recent of them. That’s all I’ve got here.

Since we’ve got time to kill, here’s the Shield interview from earlier. As in the whole thing.

Kane vs. CM Punk

Kane slugs him into the corner to start and Punk bails as we take a very early break. Back with Punk working on Kane’s leg. Punk goes to the floor and might hurt his own knee in the process. There’s already a bandage over his knee so maybe there’s something to the knee injury. Anyway the suicide dive takes Kane out but Punk can’t follow up immediately. Back in and Punk hits a running knee in the corner followed by a second one. He loads up a third but Kane comes out with an uppercut to take Punk down.

Side slam gets two for Kane as Punk tries to get his knee to work again. Kane goes up top and hits the clothesline but Punk comes back with a swinging neckbreaker for two. Heyman plays cheerleader a bit but Punk springboards into a chokeslam. Heyman, ever the good manager, pulls Punk’s feet into the ropes so Kane can’t immediately cover. Kane loads up the Tombstone but Punk escapes and hits Kane in the knee. GTS gets the clean pin at 10:20.

Rating: C. Not bad here but I’m a fan of both guys. Kane is fine for a spot like this because he’s not going to be hurt badly by a single loss. Either way, decent stuff here and it gave Punk something to do tonight that didn’t have anything to do with Ryback. It’s nice to get a week off from the same stuff every week before a PPV for a change.

Post match here’s the Shield to stare at Punk and attack Kane. Bryan comes in for the save and the tag champs get beaten down. The fans finally get what they want as Ryback comes down. Punk dives into the crowd and Ryback runs into the ring to fight the whole Shield. He knocks them all down at once and powerbombs Rollins. Meathooks put down Reigns and Ambrose.

Punk tries to come in for the save but gets put in a powerbomb position as well. Reigns spears him down and the numbers catch up to Ryback. The Triple Powerbomb puts him down again. But Ryback is still incredibly strong right? These constant beatdowns by three minor league guys mean NOTHING right? This doesn’t hurt his push at all, right? Punk stands tall as Lawler claims conspiracy to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This show felt especially long tonight because of all the recaps but at least we had some good matches to balance things out. Also none of the matches felt overly long for the same of being overly long, which is definitely a step in the right direction. As usual with the show though, the third hour being there is what brings the show down. Well that and the incessant recaps of the Cena/AJ stuff. This could have been a lot worse though, which is high praise for Raw anymore.

Results

Ryback b. Titus O’Neal – Shell Shock

Alberto Del Rio b. Great Khali – Cross Armbreaker

Tamina Snuka b. Alicia Fox – Superfly Splash

Rey Mysterio b. Daniel Bryan – Top Rope Splash

John Cena b. Dolph Ziggler – Attitude Adjustment

Sheamus b. Antonio Cesaro via countout

Damien Sandow b. Zack Ryder – Terminus

CM Punk b. Kane – GTS

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

I mean good freaking grief between Raw and Smackdown we’ve seen the AJ/Cena kiss and the brawl in the locker room probably ten times now.  IS THIS REALLY NECESSARY???  We get it: Cena and AJ kissed and Ziggler and Cena had a fight in the bathroom.  We don’t need to see it three times a show!

Monday Night Raw
Date: November 20, 2012
Location: Nutter Center, Dayton, Ohio
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

Survivor Series was last night and to say I’m not thrilled by the prospects at the moment for the WWE is an understatement. Ryback lost the world title match because of an invading group of NXT guys, but other than that there’s not much to get excited about. Thankfully this is the time of year when the WWE actually starts trying so maybe they’ll do that again tonight. Let’s get to it.

They do that stupid voiceover thing again. That has to go soon. It’s a recap of last night but they don’t say what happened. Oh wait yes they do because this show is stupid.

Here’s Ryback to open the show….for a promo? Well that’s certainly different. He says he was about to feast on the WWE Championship last night, but Punk had three men take food out of a starving man’s mouth. Ryback is a predator and those four men are now his prey. He wants them out here right now, but if they don’t he’s going to tear this place apart. A feed me more chant starts and here’s Vickie. She says if Ryback attacks anyone in the back, it’s a fine or suspension. For now though, here’s a match for him.

Ryback vs. Tensai

Oh joy. They fight over a lockup to start followed by Ryback running over Tensai. Tensai headbutts him in the corner as we’re just waiting on the inevitable here. A Thesz Press of all things takes down Tensai and Ryback rams his head into the mat over and over again. A Baldo Bomb puts Ryback down and the backsplash gets no count at all. There was a cover but Ryback got up before one. A powerslam puts Tensai down as does a spinebuster before we head outside. Back in and it’s the Meat Hook and Shell Shock (BIG reaction when he got Tensai up) for the pin at 3:33.

Rating: D+. The ending looked good but there was nothing to this match because there’s nothing to Tensai. Why am I supposed to care about Ryback beating a guy who hasn’t won a match in months, especially when he’s beaten him so many times already? Just nothing of note here and a waste of time for the most part. Ryback isn’t going to get the title anytime soon, and that’s the problem for him right now.

Sheamus is yelling at the referee from last night.

Kofi Kingston vs. Wade Barrett

Non-title here. Feeling out process to start with Kofi hitting a jumping back elbow (love that move) for two. King talks about Barrett’s nose as Kofi pounds Wade in the face. Wade comes back with shots to the ribs to take over as this hasn’t gone that far in the first few minutes. A neckbreaker gets two for Wade and we take a break. Back with Kofi in a chinlock and apparently Barrett attacked the eye earlier.

Barrett hits the boot to the face while Kofi is in the ropes to keep Kingston in even more trouble. Kofi’s head goes into the steps before a kick to the head gets two back inside. Wade rips away at Kofi’s face some more but the champ comes back with a rollup for two and a kick to the face.

Barrett rolls to the floor but as he comes back in, Kofi pounds away on him. This is the Wildcat or whatever Kofi calls himself now. The Boom Drop hits but Barrett blocks the kick and hits Winds of Change for two. Kofi kicks him in the face and hits the cross body off the top for another two. SOS gets two more but a rake to the eyes sets up the Bull Hammer to give Wade the pin at 11:30.

Rating: B-. Solid match here, but man alive is there NO other way to set up a title feud than having the challenger pin the champion? Just say they’re having a title match at the PPV. Seriously just do it that way. Stop having to walk us through everything and just do the match. Let them TALK to each other and have some interaction and then do the freaking match. I assure you it’s not that hard.

We talk about the invading NXT guys along with Brad Maddox, the latter of whom we get a video on.

Punk and Heyman are setting up for the WWE Championship Celebration later. Punk yells at Striker for bringing up Ryback’s name. Heyman says Ryback is invited to the celebration. Punk: “Can I talk to you for a second?”

Kaitlyn vs. Aksana

Aksana tries to hide on the floor but suckers Kaitlyn in for a clothesline. She pounds on Kaitlyn a bit and cranks on the arm over the top rope as you see Del Rio do occasionally. Kaitlyn comes back with some hair throws and a weak gutbuster for the pin at 3:02.

Rating: D-. Why in the world is this supposed to interest me? If Kaitlyn is supposed to be the next big thing for the girls, they’re in more trouble than they thought. She’s just not that good and there’s really no other way to spin it. Aksana looks good in the outfits but she’s DEATH in the ring. Nothing to see here.

Brodus Clay vs. Antonio Cesaro

Truth is at ringside because this is STILL continuing again. Oh and this is non-title because titles aren’t meant to be defended. Brodus pounds on him in the corner followed by Cesaro pounding on Brodus in the corner. Cesaro takes Brodus down and hits a double stomp followed by a cravate. Brodus comes back with a headbutt to the chest and a splash in the corner but a Vader Bomb misses. A European Uppercut off the middle rope sets up the Neutralizer for the pin at 2:30. Clay lost in case you’re freaking stupid and complain about me not making stuff clear enough. Cesaro you, you dumb schmuck. Clear enough for you?

Video on Cena’s Make-A-Wish stuff. Apparently Cena is the only person to ever fulfill 300 wishes. That’s AMAZING when you think about it. To stretch it out we’ll say he’s been doing this ten years. That’s 30 a year or about one ever 12 days or so. Given his schedule, that’s amazing and it’s likely that it’s a lot tighter than that because he wasn’t a big deal until about 2005.

Vickie is talking to two people in the back. She has more evidence tonight. Oh freaking great.

Here are Vickie and those two people to waste more time and stop the wrestling we had going. Four matches in the first hour including one going over ten minutes isn’t bad at all, but we need THIS now right? She says that she wouldn’t lay a hand on a WWE Superstar but AJ had no reason to try to humiliate her. These people are witnesses apparently. The chick is a waitress at the restaurant where the business dinner took place. Apparently they wanted a private table and were whispering to each other a lot.

The other witness is a parking attendant who saw them in a car together for an hour. What did they do? No idea, but apparently someone came to tell him about what he saw in the car. Cue AJ who at least looks good. AJ says fire her or let it go already because this is stupid. PREACH IT SISTER! Vickie says she has a photo from the guy who claimed to have no idea what was going on.

Before she can show it, here’s Cena who says this is all nonsense. Cena says that Vickie is trying to give people something to talk about, so here’s how you do it. With that, he kisses AJ who seems to like it and kisses him as well as he goes back to talk to Vickie. Ziggler comes out and they brawl up the ramp. Well it’s better than nothing I guess. Cena might have hurt his knee on the way up but from what I can tell this is storyline only.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Randy Orton

This is 2/3 falls because they need something to fill in the three hours. Why this feud is continuing is beyond me but my guess is because the writers aren’t capable of coming up with anything new. Orton takes over with a quick clothesline but Del Rio goes after the arm to take over. Randy snaps off that gorgeous dropkick of his as the fans want an RKO. Instead they get a snap suplex from Del Rio for two.

Lawler talks about Ricardo’s relatives: Jose and Jos-B. Say it out loud and the joke will make sense. Alberto goes after the arm but Orton shoves him away when he tries the armbreaker. Del Rio gets in another shot to the arm and wraps it around the post over and over again, drawing the DQ for the first fall. The crowd is just in love with Orton here.

We take a break and come back Alberto holding a top wristlock and kicking the arm even more. Off to an armbar which Orton suplexes out of and starts his comeback to a big reaction. This is one of the hottest crowds they’ve had in months. Del Rio counters the Elevated DDT and the cross armbreaker ties things up. Del Rio poses a lot instead of staying on Orton as things slow down a bit.

Orton insists he can keep going and gets to his feet to start the third fall. Del Rio plays some cat and mouse as Orton keeps backing away because of the arm. Orton gets that sweet spinning rollup out of the corner for two but Alberto hits him in the arm to stop him dead again. The running kick in the corner gets two but Orton snaps off his backbreaker to slow Alberto down. Rodriguez interferes and is ejected but the distraction lets Del Rio hit the Backstabber for two.

Del Rio coils up for the RKO like Orton but walks into the Elevated DDT. Orton goes for the RKO mat slap but hurts his arm again in a smart move. It makes sense that he would hurt his arm there, which shows thinking. I love that! The armbreaker goes on but Orton grasps his hands to block it into a rollup for two. Del Rio misses another kick and the RKO ends this at 12:44.

Rating: B-. This is one of those matches where it depends on how you look at it. From a psychology standpoint, it was great with Orton selling the arm VERY well and teasing that he could lose the match because of it. The crowd was way into things too which helped a lot. On the other hand though, what in the world does this prove? The feud should have ended with the falls count anywhere match but instead we get another match with the same ending. It was good, but it’s kind of annoying in the same sense.

We recap the AJ/Cena/Vickie stuff from earlier, because going 20 minutes without hearing about it is too long.

Cena gets his knee looked at and AJ is with him.

Great Khali vs. Primo/Epico

Before the bell here’s Horny to give Rosa some flowers. The cousins have to tag here but the camera is on Horny and Rosa for a good chunk of it. Oh wait the flowers spray Rosa with water. Punjabi Plunge ends Epico at 1:09. This was an angle with a match going on in the background.

Heyman continues his prep for the celebration before FREAKING because there aren’t any balloons.

The Miz vs. David Otunga

Otunga pounds him down with forearms to the back to start and sends Miz shoulder first into the post. A Russian legsweep gets one and Otunga uses some middle rope elbows for two. Off to a chinlock followed by a clothesline and a shoulder block for two for Otunga. Back to the chinlock and we get a mild boring chant. A rollup gets two for Miz as does a clothesline for Otunga. We hit chinlock number three in four minutes but Miz fights out and gets two off a sunset flip. There’s the corner clothesline and the ax handle to set up the Finale to Otunga for the pin at 6:07.

Rating: D+. This was a good idea for Miz to come back like he did, but at the same time it wasn’t much from a technical standpoint. When you have three chinlocks in four minutes, it’s pretty clear you have no idea how to get through a very basic match. Seriously grab an armbar or something. Nothing to see here but Miz getting a clean win is a good thing for him, even over someone like Otunga.

We recap Show vs. Sheamus and the controversial ending from last night.

Another recap shows us what happened so far tonight.

Sheamus vs. Damien Sandow

Sheamus has the chair with him and says that he’s not smiling after last night. He wants one more match with Show and here’s the champ. Show looks more sleepy than anything else but says that he has nothing left to prove over Sheamus. That’s rather true actually. They yell at each other for awhile and Show says he’s the champion still. Sandow finally cuts them off and we’re ready to go.

Sandow bails to the corner to start and demands that the referee do his job. A single punch puts Damien on the apron and things stay slow. Off to a headlock by Sheamus which also goes nowhere. Sheamus pounds on him in the corner and hits a suplex for two. The pale one works on the arm as the announcers recap the show because the recap before this match wasn’t enough I guess. Sheamus knocks him out to the floor and we take a break.

Back with Sandow sending Sheamus’ shoulder into the buckle. Sandow pounds away with the knees to the chest and drops some ax handles for two. We hit the chinlock as Cole and King have some really bad small talk. A Russian legsweep sets up the Wind-Up Elbow but Sheamus pops up and hits the Irish Curse to put Sandow down. Sheamus comes back with the forearms in the ropes, the top rope shoulder, White Noise and the Brogue Kick for the pin at 14:25. There was no comeback or anything from Sandow in between. Sheamus really did just hit all of those moves in order for the pin.

Rating: D. How in the world was that fifteen minutes long? This was a very uninteresting match and was yet another match that was just being stretched out for the sake of stretching out a match to fill in the three hours. This is another one of those matches that we’ve seen a few times and it’s gotten progressively worse each time, which is how WWE works today.

AJ comes in to see Tamina and Vickie and nothing happens.

Post break, AJ is storming somewhere with Layla telling her not to do it. AJ goes into the men’s locker room and up to Ziggler. Dolph yells at her and Cena beats Dolph up until Dolph goes after the bad knee.

Post break, we show the same segment from before the break.

Sin Cara/Rey Mysterio vs. HELL NO

Non-title, again. The Players are on commentary here. Apparently if the masked dudes win, they get a title shot. Cara and Kane start and Kane runs over a jumping Cara before bring in Bryan. The fans continue to be white hot by cheering for Bryan, even as he misses a middle rope knee drop. Off to Rey for the double kicks from the masked men, getting two on Daniel.

Bryan comes back with a kick to Rey but Kane tags himself in to continue one of the worst series in wrestling history. Kane sends him to the floor but gets caught by the seated senton off the apron. Cara dives on Bryan who is on the floor for no apparent reason as we take a break. Back with Kane cranking on Cara’s head but let’s look at the Players talking instead of the match.

Bryan puts the surfboard on Cara as Titus makes fun of Lawler having a heart attack, insisting that he’s not doing any CPR. We debate wash rags for a bit (don’t ask) as Bryan brings in Kane. Back to Bryan for a camel clutch as we talk about healthcare and Robitussin. A tornado DDT puts Bryan down and there’s the tag to Rey. Mysterio gets a kind of reverse DDT on Kane as everything breaks down. Rey dives into an uppercut from Kane for two but there’s the 619 and top rope splash but Kane catches him by the throat. Not that it matters as the Players run in for the DQ at 10:42.

Rating: C. Not bad here but the whole thing wound up meaning nothing. My guess is they’re setting up for a triple threat match at the PPV because we haven’t had one in a full month at that point. HELL NO needs to change things up a bit because they’re still having the same match they’ve had since the team formed, which really shouldn’t shock anyone because no one evolves in WWE, but try to do something new already.

Post match the Players get beaten down.

Heyman promises Punk that no one will interrupt the celebration.

Oh wait we need to show the AJ/Cena stuff AGAIN. As usual, this means showing it for I think the fourth time tonight.

Here’s Heyman in a decorated ring for Punk’s celebration. He wants to know why no one likes them, assuming it may be making fun of Lawler’s heart attack. I begin to love Paul Heyman as he explains how ridiculous fans are for wanting more adult storylines and then saying it’s too far when Heyman fakes a heart attack. Here’s Punk to the ring to talk about people who couldn’t last a year as champion. Names like Bret, Shawn, Undertaker and Rock are mentioned which is pretty good company to be ahead of.

We get a video on Punk and his year as champion which is pretty cool when you think about it. Given how much content there is today, a year is an INSANE amount of time to hold the title. The fans are cheering for Punk when the video ends. Punk talks about being champion until June 25, 2018, which is the 355^th episode of Main Event (“On Ion Television”) when he’ll pass Sammartino’s seven year run.

Heyman talks about how great Bruno was and says he belongs in the WWE Hall of Fame, but says Bruno couldn’t beat Punk. Nor could Hogan or that other Paul Heyman guy, Steve Austin. At the Rumble we’re going to see that Rock couldn’t beat Punk either. This brings out Ryback but the three NXT guys attack him. Ryback fights them off and gets in the ring but the numbers catch up with him. The three guys get him to the floor and hit the triple powerbomb through the table like last night. Punk never touched Ryback and he gets in Ryback’s face to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This is your typical Raw anymore: it could have been good but the third hour wound up killing it. Not the final hour mind you, but having an extra sixth minutes throughout the show to fill. This results in a TON of recaps and matches being stretched out for the sake of stretching them out (see Sheamus vs. Sandow). That doesn’t make for a good show, but rather a LONG one. It feels like it never ends and that makes it almost a chore to sit through. This was better than most shows though.

Results

Ryback b. Tensai – Shell Shock

Wade Barrett b. Kofi Kingston – Bull Hammer

Kaitlyn b. Aksana – Gutbuster

Antonio Cesaro b. Brodus Clay – Neutralizer

Randy Orton b. Alberto Del Rio – RKO

Great Khali b. Primo/Epico – Punjabi Plunge to Epico

The Miz b. David Otunga – Skull Crushing Finale

Sheamus b. Damien Sandow – Brogue Kick

HELL NO vs. Sin Cara/Rey Mysterio went to a no contest when the Prime Time Players interfered

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: November 12, 2012
Location: Nationwide Arena, Columbus, Ohio
Commentators: Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

We’ve got a good bit going on tonight, with the main thing being that Jerry Lawler is back from his very real heart attack. On top of that we’ve got the Ryback vs. Brad Maddox challenge match where if Maddox wins he gets a million dollar contract. Finally it’s the go home Raw for Survivor Series which is always interesting. Let’s get to it.

We open with the usual VETERANS ARE AWESOME video, narrated by Cena of course. Can’t complain much about this.

They do the stupid voiceover stuff here, this time about Lawler coming back for the first time tonight. This immediately transitions into a video on Cena/AJ/Vickie. You know, because a fake affair between two people who are single in both real life and in storyline is the same as a man nearly dying.

Cena vs. Punk tonight.

Randy Orton vs. Dolph Ziggler

For some annoying reason, we hear about the rivalry between Del Rio and Orton. There is NO reason for that feud to exist anymore. Period. None. Think about it: why should I as a fan care about any of the matches between them if there’s seemingly no blowoff anywhere in sight? This is part of Team Ziggler vs. Team Foley. Have Foley and Ziggler ever even spoken to each other on television? If so has it been in the last year?

Feeling out process to start with Orton taking over by throwing Dolph into the air. A slingshot suplex gets two for the Viper but he misses a charge and gets dropkicked down for two. JR talks about how Orton was the sole survivor in 2004 and 2005 and made his name in Survivor Series matches. He was the sole survivor in 2003 as well so he really started making his name there but who’s counting?

Off to a chinlock but Orton easily suplexes out of it and hits his clotheslines. There’s the Elevated DDT and here’s Del Rio for a distraction. Orton knocks Alberto to the floor and counters the Zig Zag into a rollup for the pin at 3:16. I know they want to make him the new Austin but isn’t that quite a stretch?

Rating: C-. This is the kind of match that I can’t stand rating due to how short it is. I usually only rate matches that run three minutes or more, so this barely qualifies as a ratable match. It’s your standard preview for the Survivor Series match, which means it’s not that good. Ziggler has to lose again of course though.

Post match Orton gets triple teamed until Kofi makes the save. This brings out Teddy Long who makes a tag match. Since Vickie is busy with AJ, Teddy grants himself power because it’s a Super Show. Is it even called that anymore?

Kofi Kingston/Randy Orton vs. Dolph Ziggler/Alberto Del Rio

Dolph and Kofi start things off of course, which is probably the right idea given how good they are together. Ziggler dropkicks Kofi down and we take a break. Back with Alberto hammering away on Kofi before it’s back to Ziggler. Ziggler dropkicks Kofi down again and it’s off to the handstand chinlock. That stays on for a minute or so before Kofi fights out of it and makes the hot tag to Randy who gets to fight Del Rio. Everything breaks down and things start getting good. SOS gets two on Del Rio and Kofi loads up Trouble in Paradise, but a Ricardo distraction lets Del Rio kick Kofi in the head for the pin at 4:37 shown of 8:07.

Rating: C. Better match than the first one, but did they really have to do THE EXACT SAME FINISH in the span of ten minutes? Are they that creatively bankrupt that they can’t come up with anything else? This was nothing of note until the end where things sped up, but most of the match was in the commercial so what is there for me to grade anyway?

Orton stares at Del Rio because there’s no end to this feud in sight because that’s how WWE works anymore.

Post break here’s Vickie with Ziggler, who is now in his THIRD STRAIGHT SEGMENT. Sweet goodness people you have three hours of Raw a week and THIS is how you use it? I like Ziggler but this is like Jerry Lawler on Memphis TV. He talks about the AJ scandal and we recap the pictures and video from the last few weeks. Vickie says that AJ has said that if they’re every in the same ring, the beating will be awesome.

Vickie calls out AJ and cuts her off, demanding an admission of guilt. AJ says she didn’t do it and GET THE HECK ON WITH IT. This goes on forever with Vickie saying that AJ has to admit the affair or something bad will happen and I zone out. AJ says she admits….that they’re just friends. OH SCREW THIS STORY.

I mean seriously, WHAT is this leading to? Vickie vs. AJ? That’s the payoff of this? Cena and Ziggler aren’t even fighting anymore and who cares? AJ says this is about Vickie getting passed over for the GM job at Raw 1000 and how AJ has abused her twice in the ring. AJ says that Vickie is throwing her weight around and we get a fat joke. Vickie has voicemails that may or may not have been doctored and this story just keeps going. One voicemail is just AJ talking to John, whoever that is.

A second talks about AJ and someone needing to stop this but again no name is given. AJ looks concerned after the third one, saying Vickie hacked into Cena’s phone and edited those together. AJ is about to yell when Ziggler cuts her off. Cena finally comes out and beats up Ziggler. Again, if that was the match on Sunday, this would be more acceptable. Still bad, but acceptable. Unfortunately, this ISN’T the match on Sunday and therefore is a BIG FREAKING WASTE OF TIME. This segment was nearly FIFTEEN FREAKING MINUTES LONG.

Cole and JR talk about the veterans a bit and we get a video about them.

Post break it’s MORE CENA AND AJ! They’re in the back and AJ is freaking out. Cena says that there’s nothing going on and not to worry about it. AJ implies that something might happen and Cena blushes a bit. They leave awkwardly as the crowd says ooooo.

We recap the pub fight from last week on Smackdown.

William Regal vs. Big Show

See, this is something where they could mix it up. Make this a world title match. Does it mean much? Not really, but would it hurt anything? Show is supposed to be all dominant so why not give the fans a chance to buy something could happen? It’s not going to hurt a thing but it could make things a tiny bit more interesting. Show pounds away on Regal but Regal keeps that psycho look on his face. A left hand has no effect on Show but Show misses an elbow drop. Regal goes off on Show but it’s a chokeslam for the pin at 1:40. Again, why not make that a title match to give people a reason to watch?

Post match Show loads up the WMD but Sheamus makes the save. Sheamus stomps and pounds on Show so the champion runs.

Kaitlyn vs. Layla

The winner gets the shot at Eve on Sunday who is on commentary. It’s one of those worthless forty five second matches (literally) with Kaitlyn countering a cross body out of the corner into a reverse DDT for the pin and the shot at Eve. And people wonder why no one cares about the Divas.

We get a video from two months ago where Lawler had his heart attack, including audio from the paramedics and backstage footage. Classy people those WWE bosses. I know Lawler is cool with it, but seriously, showing footage of a man almost DYING? Doing an angle in the ring is one thing, but that’s a bit much no?

Cole and JR are in the ring and here’s the return of Jerry Lawler. This is a really cool moment with the fans and announcers legitimately having emotion for someone coming back. Even Cole hugs Jerry which is a pretty big moment. Lawler isn’t sure what to say but he can’t believe he’s really back here. Jerry talks about the movie It’s A Wonderful Life, which is about a man who didn’t know how good he had it until he almost lost it. He thanks the fans for their prayers….and here are Punk and Heyman.

Jerry immediately gets out of the ring and Punk says that he’s glad Jerry got out of the ring, because he would have beaten Lawler to death….again. It’s ok to boo Punk but you can’t get Lawler involved right? Punk talks about how Lawler wants to relive his glory days and fight him but that’s in bad taste too right? Apparently one of the side effects is having a heart attack, and shame on all the people for blaming Punk for the heart attack. It’s all Lawler’s fault apparently because apparently Jerry couldn’t let it go.

Punk is tired of hearing about the number of minutes Punk was dead, but the real number is 358, which is the amount of days he’s been champion. He’s now past Diesel on the all time list, but once he gets past Cena, he’s pretty much done unless he has the title another three years. Punk tells Lawler not to die before the PPV, so Lawler says that Punk’s reign as champion is on life support.

Now we get to the controversial part of the show: Heyman fakes a heart attack. Punk throws up the X and performs CPR and Heyman is fine. It’s time for a little lesson from KB: those of you that were offended by this need to go watch Care Bears because it’s more at your maturity level. This is EXACTLY what people have been wanting for years: more mature storylines. These kind of things would have been tame back in the old days and if you believe Lawler wasn’t giving this the ok the whole time, you’re an idiot.

Punk played on the crowd’s emotions and the people hate him even more now. That’s called working the fans which you NEVER get anymore, and that’s because everyone is afraid of being offended. Was this evil by Punk? Of course it was. Was this playing on peoples’ emotions? Of course it was. Was this a good idea? Of course it was. I mean, it’s almost like Punk is a villain and he’s offended the fans. If only there were people that could avenge Punk by taking away the thing he loves most, say in a triple threat match. At Survivor Series. Available on Pay Per View.

Then, the fans that are glad to see Punk lose could say to their mom: “THAT WAS SO COOL! John Cena beat Punk for the Championship! Can I have a John Cena shirt? Pleeeeeeeeeeeease?” It’s almost like it’s SMART BUSINESS. But hey, people might be offended so we should just carry on talking while people ask for more actions which will wind up offending them, because if there’s one thing wrestling fans know, it’s what they want.

Anyway this brings out Mick Foley, as in the guy that Punk STILL isn’t fighting at Survivor Series, but we need to push this story anyway because the idea of changing things on the fly is WAY too freaking complicated for this batch of writers. Foley yells about Punk and Heyman disrespecting the business. Punk: “Take it easy. This man just had a heart attack!” Foley says we’ll get to vote on the final member of the team tonight so Punk makes fun of him.

Foley goes on a BIG rant about how Lawler was dead but he’s back today. Let’s summarize this quickly. Foley: “You have no respect.” Punk: “I don’t just off roofs.” That takes a few minutes before we’re told that Foley is the enforcer for the main event tonight, because that changes SO much. Oh and don’t bother saying Cena’s name here. Innocent people might have kept watching!

Post match Punk rants to Heyman about how everything is falling apart. Heyman says we’re out of options and Punk says to fix it.

Sin Cara/Rey Mysterio/Justin Gabriel/Tyson Kidd vs. Prime Time Players/Primo/Epico

Lawler is back on commentary officially. It’s Titus vs. Justin to start with O’Neal taking over. There’s the suplex drop with Young landing on Gabriel for two. Off to Epico for a chinlock and here’s Ricardo Rodriguez to give Rosa Mendes a note. She seems excited about what it said as Rey comes in to beat up Primo. A powerbomb by Primo is countered into a rana into the 619 position but Primo rolls to the floor. Rey hits a gorgeous Asai Moonsault as we take a break.

Back with Titus beating on Mysterio on the floor. They head back in for Titus to hit the Nikolai Volkoff gorilla press backbreaker for two. We hit the bearhug for a bit before it’s off to Primo. Rey kicks Primo in the head to put him down but Young gets the tag before Rey can. Scratch that as Kidd gets the tag and things speed up. Kidd kicks Darren in the head and hits a Blockbuster as everything breaks down. Things speed up so fast that I can’t type it all. It’s down to Kidd vs. Young with Tyson countering the Gutbuster into a 619 from Rey followed by the 450 from Gabriel for the pin at 6:31 shown of 10:31.

Rating: C+. This started slow but once Kidd hit the Blockbuster it went INSANE fast. That’s the kind of things WWE should be doing: fast paced tag matches with the guys that are capable of having fast paced tag matches. Start the show with THIS instead of the long and dull matches you did and things get off on a much better foot.

The WWE still loves the troops!

Brad Maddox is in the back when Heyman comes in. He asks the camera to be shut off and the two of them go for a walk.

Miz is in the back on the phone when Ziggler comes in. Dolph says it’s only a matter of time before Miz comes crawling back to the team and they get in an argument. Foley comes up and a tag match between the Rhodes Scholars and Kane/whoever wins the poll is made. Foley says Amy Schmumer, Dolph’s real life ex-girlfriend who broke up with Dolph for being too athletic in bed, says hello. Ziggler leaves and Miz asks to be on the Foley ballot. We have a face turn ladies and gentlemen.

The full ballot: Santino, Ryder, Miz. And WWE has the nerve to complain when we say these polls are dumb.

R-Truth vs. Tensai

Cesaro comes out for commentary as he defends against Truth on Sunday. He makes fun of America for being a joke like Little Jimmy which hasn’t been funny in months. This is joined in progress after a break with Truth fighting out of a chinlock. Tensai fires off some chops to the neck for two and it’s off to an armbar. Truth makes a comeback, hits a dropkick and the ax kick to set up Little Jimmy for the pin at 2:14. This was nothing and I have zero desire to see Cesaro vs. Truth whatsoever.

Post match Cesaro yells at Truth so Truth says knock knock. Apparently Europe in my face is there and on Sunday, Truth is going to knock Cesaro’s teeth into his esophagus.

We get a clip of Ryback vs. Maddox in WWE 13.

Ad for the NWO DVD which doesn’t look that bad. Pay no attention to the clips that are used directly from Monday Night Wars.

We recap Maddox’s explanation and Vince’s announcement last week.

We recap the show so far. Why in the world would ANYONE want to see this again? I mean they just AIR THE SEGMENTS ALL OVER AGAIN. Dear goodness almighty what is wrong with this company anymore?

Brad Maddox vs. Ryback

If Maddox wins, he gets a million dollar contract. There’s an ambulance waiting for Maddox. Lawler: “Hey my ride’s here.” What are you expecting from this match? Maddox tries to run, Ryback rams Brad’s head into the mat about ten times, tells Maddox that he’s dead, powerslams him down, Meat Hooks Maddox to the floor, hits three HARD powerbombs and Shell Shocks him for the pin at 5:30.

Rating: N/A. I’m not going to bother rating this one as it was a LONG squash. At the end of the day, there was nothing interesting or surprising here and this is basically the ending of the storyline from HIAC. Why anyone wanted to see this is beyond me, but then again the entire show has been worthless so far.

We’re STILL not done with this as Ryback destroys Maddox a bit more and puts him on the stretcher and against the ambulance.

David Otunga vs. Sheamus

Total squash AGAIN with White Noise and the Brogue Kick ending this in 2:20. Again, there’s juts NOTHING to talk about in these matches tonight.

Post match Sheamus says he’ll win the title back. We see Show on the screen beating up Regal in the back.

Bryan doesn’t like that Kane is having another partner tonight.

Rhodes Scholars vs. Kane/???

Miz wins in a completely not shocking landslide. This is joined in progress with Kane getting two off a suplex on Sandow. Off to Miz for a knee lift for the same and the corner clothesline keeps Sandow in trouble. Off to Kane vs. Cody with the Scholars continuing to be in trouble. Bryan pouting is hilarious stuff. Miz backdrops Cody to the floor and hits an ax handle off the apron before glaring at Bryan.

The distraction lets Cody hit the Disaster Kick and it’s off to Damien again. Wind-Up Elbow gets two and it’s chinlock time. That goes nowhere so Miz fights up and hits the Reality Check. Hot tag brings in Kane and a side slam gets two for Kane. Bryan and Miz get in a near argument and Cody gets chokeslammed for the pin at 5:39 shown.

Rating: C. This was just a regular tag match which went nowhere. Miz turning face is fine but at the end of the day, he’ll win a few matches then lose a few and no one will be any better off, because that’s how WWE works anymore. I guess we’re passing on the idea of the Scholars being champions anymore as they’ve lost time and time again. Actually scratch that as it means they’ll win soon I’m sure. Oh and of course the guy who is the big surprise turn doesn’t get to be in on the fall or anything like that.

More stuff about the troops. Tribute to the Troops is coming to Norfolk.

John Cena vs. CM Punk

Non-title of course. Feeling out process to start with Cena cranking on the arm. Foley is guest enforcer and glares at Punk on the floor as we take a break. Back with Cena on top but falling out to the floor with Punk. Back in and a neckbreaker from Punk is countered into a backslide by Cena for two. Off to a chinlock by CM which is shifted into a sleeper. Cena starts his comeback but gets rolled up when he tries the Shuffle. A neckbreaker puts Cena down but the Macho Elbow misses.

There’s the Shuffle again but Punk rolls away. The AA is countered and some kicks get two for the champ. GTS and AA are both countered so Punk puts on a Koji Clutch. Cena gets the rope and counters the springboard clothesline into the STF. Foley takes out Heyman as the High Kick gets two for CM. The GTS is countered again into the STF but Punk makes the ropes again. The champ heads up the ramp but Ryback is waiting on him. Back in and the AA gets the pin at 10:30 shown of 14:00.

Rating: B-. It’s Cena vs. Punk with more than five minutes. Were you expecting anything bad? They’re making it seem like Punk has no chance in the triple threat, which is a pretty clear indicator that he’s going to retain the belt so he can lose the title to Rock at the Rumble, because WWE actually thinks we’ll buy Punk as having a chance.

Ryback and Cena both grab the title post match while Punk looks like he’s about to cry in the background.

Overall Rating: D. Oh sweet goodness Raw sucks anymore. There’s some stuff on here that’s worth checking out, but at the end of the day the first forty minutes are just SO FREAKING DULL that it kills anything good that could come out of the show later on. This PPV is so completely backwards and the show proves it. We sat through Foley vs. Punk and Cena vs. Ziggler here, but neither of those matches are happening on Sunday. They might have an idea where they want to wind up, but it’s clear they have no idea how they plan to get there.

Results

Randy Orton b. Dolph Ziggler – Rollup

Alberto Del Rio/Dolph Ziggler b. Kofi Kingston/Randy Orton – Enziguri to Kingston

Big Show b. William Regal – Chokeslam

Kaitlyn b. Layla – Reverse DDT

Rey Mysterio/Sin Cara/Justin Gabriel/Tyson Kidd b. Prime Time Players/Primo/Epico – 450 to Young

R-Truth b. Tensai – Little Jimmy

Ryback b. Brad Maddox – Shell Shock

Kane/Miz b. Rhodes Scholars – Chokeslam to Rhodes

John Cena b. CM Punk – Attitude Adjustment

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