IMG Credit: WWE

Brian Pillman Memorial Show
Date: April 29, 1998
Location: Norwood Middle School, Norwood, Ohio
Attendance: 1,002

I think the title of this show sums up the idea well enough. Pillman passed away on October 5, 1997 in a horrible surprise, leaving behind a family with far less support. As Pillman was revered in the wrestling industry, a series of memorial shows were put together for the sake of helping Pillman’s kids. This is the first one and you might have heard of some of the people on the show. Let’s get to it.

This event was promoted by the Heartland Wrestling Association out of Cincinnati, which was WWF developmental for a good while.

There is no commentary here (fan cam) and there’s a chance I won’t know some of these people so please bear with me.

The roster is in the ring to open the show….and we’re cut to the opening match. Ok then.

Trailer Park Trash vs. Nick Dinsmore

Trash was the first OVW Heavyweight Champion and Dinsmore is better known as Eugene, the most successful OVW wrestler of all time. Dinsmore, who looks much smaller than usual, which is an accomplishment given how small he was, gets taken into the corner to start and the fans chant for Trash. A monkey flip doesn’t work as Dinsmore sticks the landing and grabs a belly to belly.

Things reset so Dinsmore speeds things up with a pair of dropkicks and a clothesline to the floor. The announcer says five minutes gone by, meaning we missed about a minute and ten seconds at the beginning. Or the wrestling tradition of never knowing how to tell time continues. Trash runs around on the floor for some serious stalling and, believe it or not, it still works. Back in and Trash’s armbar is countered into a hiptoss to put him on the floor again. The fans think Trash is a crybaby and Dinsmore certainly encourages their sentiments.

Trash rakes the eyes to take over and gets two off a flying clothesline as we’re firmly in the old style heel vs. face formula here. A bulldog lets Trash strut (oh he’s a southern wrestler) before getting two (they never learn). Trash is a bit better flier than Ric Flair as a guillotine legdrop connects. He misses the second though (again: they never learn) and Dinsmore gets in the right hands, followed by a backdrop as this is as wrestling 101 as you can get (not a bad thing). The bridging German suplex takes out the Trash at 11:22.

Rating: C. I could have a good time with this show as it’s a classic example of basic wrestling but they’re doing it well. More important than the wrestling though is knowing how to work the crowd. Both guys were playing to them very well and it made them care about something that wasn’t exactly thrilling. You didn’t have both of them doing all kinds of big high spots and overblown moves, but rather getting the most out of the least work. Now why can’t more people get that straight?

The announcer gets in the ring and lists off some states, which I think is where the fans are all from. The audio is almost incomprehensible, but that’s not really the point at the moment.

Steve Dunn/Reno Riggins vs. Brian Taylor/The Bounty Hunter

Dunn is part of Well Dunn, Riggins was a longtime WWF jobber, Taylor is an HWA regular who stopped wrestling in 1999 and Bounty Hunter is an indy guy who wrestled in the Eastern Championship Wrestling days of ECW. During Hunter’s entrance, the ring announcer goes to the aisle and something happens that we can’t see. It seems that we’re having a change of personnel here as Sunny will now be ring announcer. Well if you insist.

This is non-title though it’s champions vs. champions as Riggins and Dunn are the Music City Wrestling Tag Team Champions and Hunter and Taylor are the HWA Tag Team Champions (though they have no belts). However, from the records I can find, the MCW Tag Team Titles should be held by Dinsmore and Rob Conway at the moment. Eh those records can be sketchy at best or they might have just handed the titles to Dunn and Riggins to make this sound better.

Taylor and Dunn start things off with Steve complaining of a hair pull. Well maybe you should lose the mullet dude. It seems that Riggins and Dunn are the heels here, which you wouldn’t expect when one of their opponents is named Bounty Hunter. Taylor shoves him down again to show off the power and that means more Dunn stalling. Dunn and Riggins clear the ring until Taylor comes back in for a running clothesline.

It’s off to Hunter for the good sized power offense, including a big boot to the chest. The chinlock goes on for a bit before Riggins eats a double elbow to the jaw. The blind tag brings Dunn back in but the fans don’t seem thrilled with him and his partner. Riggins rakes Taylor’s eyes and gets in a nice powerslam before handing it off to Dunn for a snap suplex. As was the case earlier on, they’re not doing anything incredible here but they’re doing it efficiently.

Taylor gets sent to the floor and punched in the back, followed by Dunn picking Riggins up for a low Fameasser. That’s a big enough spot to draw a gasp from the crowd and we hit the chinlock. That’s broken up and Taylor gets two off a rollup, only to have Riggins hit a running dropkick to keep him in trouble. Egads what a southern match. A DDT is finally enough for the hot tag off to Hunter and everything breaks down. With the referee distracted, Dunn gets in a belt shot to knock Hunter out for the pin at 12:24.

Rating: C+. These matches are better than I was expecting as they’re certainly not doing anything out of the ordinary here but they’re doing it well enough that it’s going fine. I’m digging what we’re getting here and I can tell what’s going on without being told. That’s the same of a good match and wrestlers that know what they’re doing.

Flash Flanagan vs. Bull Pain

Flash was a big deal in OVE and Pain is a German guy with an unnamed manager. They get aggressive over a lockup to start and it’s Flash getting the better of a chop off. A running jackknife cover gives Flash two but Pain pounds him down without much effort. Flash clotheslines him to the floor and hits a Cannonball off the apron, earning himself a nice chant.

Back in and Flash keeps up the pace with a Japanese armdrag but an armbar slows things back down. That stays on for a good while until Flash runs the ropes, only to be tripped by Pain’s unnamed manager. They head outside with Pain hammering away and then cutting off a comeback attempt back inside.

Flash gets stomped a few times but still manages to get two off a sunset flip. Bull hits a nice frog splash for the same and the unnamed manager’s distraction lets him follow up with a low blow. A second splash misses and Flash starts the comeback, including a difficult looking backdrop. Pain is right back up with a superplex for two more but a missed charge lets Flash hit a Blockbuster for the pin at 12:27.

Rating: C. Just like earlier, this wasn’t the highest level stuff but it was more than watchable. Flash was someone who had a ton of potential in OVW but never went past that one company for some reason. Pain is a perfectly fine midcard heel with a bit of a smaller Albert vibe and that’s not the worst place to be.

Chip Fairway/Shark Boy vs. Terik the Great/Sean Casey

Fairway is a golfer (it was the 80s), Shark Boy you know (despite him having a costume that looks like a horrible prototype of his more famous look), Terik is a foreign heel and Casey was an OVW guy. Shark and Terik start things off with a wristlock not getting Terik very far. Both guys try dropkicks and that means a double knockdown because neither connected with a chest. Casey and Fairway come in for most wristlockery with Fairway (who is a face for reasons I can’t comprehend) taking him to the mat.

Shark comes back in for a right hand to Casey and the villains are sent to the floor for some dives. Casey and Terik are pulled back in and knocked down just as fast, leaving Fairway to shoulder Casey a few times. A double back elbow gets two as the really long shine continues. Casey grabs a powerbomb attempt and walks Shark back to the corner, allowing Terik to neck snap him on the top to take over, in a spot that was a little bigger than you might have expected.

Terik drops a springboard spinning legdrop for two and it’s back to Casey for a dropkick. An old fashioned slingshot suplex gets two more with Fairway having to make a save this time. That’s enough to draw a SHARK BOY chant, which dies off pretty quickly. Terik puts on a double underhook neck crank of all things, thankfully being smart enough to keep his shoulders off the mat. They head outside with Casey cutting off a comeback with an ax handle from the apron.

Back in and Shark snaps off a headscissors but, like a true villain, Casey cuts off the hot tag attempt. We hit the required sleeper for the required belly to back but Terik breaks up…the cover. You know, instead of the tag attempt. What a stupid shark. Casey puts on a Boston crab with Terik using his feet to push back (nice touch) but Fairway makes the save. Back up and Shark tries a victory roll, only to have Casey pull him up so Terik can springboard in with a bulldog (cool spot).

Fairway makes another save, leaving Terik to hit a running kneeling Muscle Buster (FREAKING OW MAN!) for two more. Terik botches a springboard moonsault though and falls outside, finally allowing the hot tag to Fairway. A spinebuster sets up a Texas Cloverleaf on Terik but it’s Casey making the save this time. The referee tells Terik to get out, allowing Shark to come in with a twisting high crossbody for the pin on Casey at 19:50.

Rating: B-. Who in the world would have expected this to go twenty minutes or be the match of the night up to this point? This was actually a very nice tag match, even with no reason for these four to be fighting. They did the same thing that the other wrestlers have done so far: done things well enough to get the crowd going and make them want to see the good guys win. It’s wrestling 201 or so and when it works, it always works.

Chris Candido vs. Al Snow

This is before Snow became a major name, though he was the hottest thing in ECW, though he was only a few months away from the WWF. Candido is one half of the ECW Tag Team Champions at this point. The Head craze is in full swing here, though there are only a few of the Styrofoam ones in the crowd. They both drop to their knees and cross their arms at each other (ok then) until Snow drops to the floor to consult Head.

Back in and an exchange of hammerlocks goes nowhere…and we’re clipped to them fighting outside. Candido actually gets the better of things and takes Snow back inside for a delayed vertical suplex. You wouldn’t expect that kind of power out of him. The chinlock goes on early and it goes so well that Candido puts on a second one. A very crisp swinging neckbreaker lets Candido strut a bit and the camera zooms in on Candido’s title for some reason. Gah, amateurs.

The third chinlock in less than four minutes goes on….as the announcer says ten minutes. That’s a heck of a cut in there for whatever reason. Back up and Candido chops away in the corner until Snow switches places with him and chops even faster. A good looking enziguri sends Candido into the corner and it’s time to pound away with Head in the corner (they like those in this match).

Snow hits a slingshot splash onto the floor, which draws an ECW chant for some reason. Likely because in ECW, doing anything is worthy of cheering. Back in and Snow hits a high crossbody with Candido rolling through for two. A clothesline gives him the same, as does a superplex with Snow bouncing quite well.

Snow faceplants his way out of trouble and does the Sting face first fall onto the crotch. The moonsault and Swan Dive both miss but here’s Sunny (in a different outfit) to break up the Snow Plow. Candido saves her from taking one, only to walk into one himself for the pin at 14:14 show (of what seems to be about twenty minutes).

Rating: B-. It’s nice to see two guys who can handle this much time without having to resort to obvious stalling or something stupid to fill in time. It makes for an entertaining match because they know how to keep things going on their own. Candido really was one of the most underrated guys you’ll ever find as he did come off as a natural talent no matter what he was stuck doing.

The fans show the heads at Candido and Sunny, who throw them back in a funny moment.

We cut to Steve Austin (reigning WWF Champion) in the ring (makes sense) and the ring announcer possibly selling something. Austin leaves but comes back for one more double middle finger.

We see the check presentation to Pillman’s family. Brian’s widow Melanie, pregnant at the moment, is in the ring and what sounds like a pastor gives her over $23,000. Melanie thanks the fans for everything. I’m not sure how true it is, but I’ve heard various stories that say she uh, wasn’t exactly using the money for what she was supposed to so this isn’t as inspiring as it might seem.

Terry Taylor, in the production area, is acknowledged for some reason.

Chris Jericho vs. Chris Benoit

Oh I think this could work. Jericho is WCW Cruiserweight Champion but I don’t think this is a title match. Benoit has Woman with him. Before the match, Jericho says he wants us to want him….and other things I can’t quite understand. I think he talks about the fans knowing they’re here to see him. With that out of the way, Benoit say something else I can’t understand but Jericho really doesn’t like it. Maybe he said Woman had better hair? The bell rings and someone is on the mic outside the ring.

Whatever they say has Jericho freaking out until they go to a wrestling sequence to start. This goes very badly for Jericho so he wants a test of strength instead. Benoit starts going down so he switches it into a pinfall reversal sequence and a standoff. Jericho actually gets the better of a wristlock and blows a kiss to Woman, earning himself a beating in the corner. That’s enough to send Jericho outside where he chases Woman inside, earning himself a chop from Benoit and a slap from her, meaning it’s time for more stalling.

Back in and Jericho works on a headlock as the fans seem to be behind him. Benoit enziguris him down but gets drop toeholded into the bottom buckle for his efforts. Back in and a delayed vertical suplex sets up the chinlock to keep Benoit down. Jericho pulls him into a weird submission where he pulls on the arm like a hammerlock but wraps his leg around Benoit’s head for a bonus.

That switches to a looks crossface chickenwing but Benoit gets up again, this time into a rollup for his own near fall. The chinlock goes on again until Jericho stops to yell at the crowd. Back up and Benoit holds the ropes to avoid a dropkick, setting up a catapult into the top turnbuckle.

A belly to back superplex puts them both down and it’s time to chop it out. Benoit’s German suplex attempt is countered into a failed Liontamer attempt so Jericho knocks him down instead. Another Liontamer attempt is reversed into a victory roll but the Swan Dive misses again. Jericho tries a rollup but gets reversed into the Crossface for the tap at 13:00.

Rating: B. Well of course these two have the best match of the night. It’s not like there was any doubt that this would be awesome as both of them were near the top of their game right now and wanted to show off what they could do. Of course these two would go on to have some of the best matches in the WWF when they had the chance but it’s cool to see them rocking this smaller stage too.

Overall Rating: A-. I had a really good time with this show and that was quite the surprise. With a show like this, you don’t know what to expect as it could be a mess with a few bigger names putting in a low level effort at the end. Instead, you had a bunch of guys who have clearly been very well trained leading up to the bigger main event and that made for a heck of a show. Nothing on here felt like an indy match but rather a show full of people trying their best and showing what they can do. Good show here, and a worthy tribute.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2003 Smackdown Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

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Unforgiven 2003
Date: September 21, 2003
Location: Giant Center, Hershey, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 10,347
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s another Raw exclusive pay per view, based around the idea of finding the least interesting story possible. Is it Shane McMahon and his electric testicles vs. Kane or a barely mobile HHH managing to drag out his second World Title defense against Goldberg? You know, that guy known for his long matches. There’s also the option of the battling announcers, which is always a big winner. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about how no one is good or evil anymore. This comes after months of JR and King talking about how Kane is the embodiment of evil. We might be in for a very long night. This turns into a HHH vs. Goldberg video with HHH talking about all the nobodies that Goldberg beat. One of those nobodies was Kevin Nash, which is a major win that HHH constantly brags about. We’re ninety seconds in and the opening video has already contradicted the show twice.

Tag Team Titles: La Resistance/Rob Conway vs. Dudley Boyz

La Resistance is defending and this is a handicap tables match where every member has to go through to win. The title and handicap stipulations were both added on Heat, because why would we need to know important stuff like that? For some reason Lilian introduces the team as Bubba Ray Dudley and D-Von Dudley instead of the collective name. As usual, tags are required in a tables match so it’s D-Von and Dupree slugging it out to start.

D-Von is taken into the corner where Conway stomps away, only to get taken down for a legdrop. Bubba comes in and ties Conway in the Tree of Woe for some hard chops to the chest. The announcers’ reaction: a discussion on the French loving Jerry Lewis. The double flapjack puts Conway on the floor but it’s too early for tables. Must be the pay per view time scale.

Conway gets in a cheap shot from the apron and the champs start taking over again. The USA chants begin as Conway grabs a sleeper to calm them right back down. Thankfully Bubba breaks things up with a belly to back suplex, allowing the tag off to D-Von. The reverse 3D plants Conway and NOW it’s table time. The champs are smart enough to let the table be set before jumping the Dudleys though and it’s D-Von being thrown through first.

Bubba reverses a suplex and puts Grenier through but gets jumped by Conway. D-Von is back up and the Dudleys throw Conway over the top through a table with his head smacking an edge ala Spike. That’s really not a spot you need to recreate. Dupree has the French flag broken over his head and the 3D gives the Dudleys the titles back.

Rating: C-. This was the logical way to go and hopefully the end of a really boring feud. It’s a good choice for an opener as well with the fans loving the table stuff and the good old Americans getting the titles back from the EVIL Frenchmen. Not the most interesting story in the world but the right way to end the feud.

We get a music video dedicated to Scott Steiner vs. Test. This story has gone on for the better part of ever with Stacy Keibler being traded back and forth between them several times. Basically Test wants Stacy to make him money and Steiner wants, well, Stacy. Tonight it’s another match to determine who gets Stacy’s “services”. Why this story has gone on since the spring isn’t clear but hopefully it ends here. I mean, it won’t, but it would be nice.

Test vs. Scott Steiner

If Test can beat Steiner, he gets Scott’s services as well. Stacy gets her own entrance, which certainly makes her seem free in the first place. I love that a good chunk of Test’s Titantron video is Stacy looking disgusted at him. I’m assuming he approved of the content and that’s the best he could get? Stacy gives Steiner a hug to start and Test gets in a few cheap shots to take over.

The clothesline and the pushup elbow send Test outside, where Stacy slaps him for good measure. Back in and Test grabs a full nelson slam for two, followed by some pushups of his own. We hit the sleeper on Steiner until he suplexes a diving Test for a breather. Steiner almost drops him on a tiger bomb attempt but a low blow cuts Scott off. Stacy shoves the boots off the ropes and snaps Test’s throat across the top for a close two.

With that not working, Stacy pops up on the apron and hikes up the skirt to distract Test. I mean, it might be more effective if she wasn’t showing it to the crowd but close enough. It doesn’t work anyway as Test kicks out of a rollup and boots Steiner in the face for two more. With that not working, Test pulls off a turnbuckle pad so he can grab a chair but Stacy takes it away. She hits Steiner by mistake though (well duh), setting up the big boot to give Test the pin.

Rating: D-. Really, what is the fascination with this story? The matches have been terrible and the story is just dumb but the thing is still going. I get that they probably have a lot of money tied up in Steiner but my goodness, is Test really their best option here? Bad match, worse ending, and unfortunately it looks like we’re STILL not done.

We recap Randy Orton vs. Shawn Michaels. Orton is the legend killer and Shawn is a legend. You can piece the rest together for yourself.

Randy Orton vs. Shawn Michaels

Shawn wrestles him to the mat to start and slaps Orton’s head a bit. Some strutting and a WOO annoy Flair and we hit the headlock takeover/headscissor escape sequence. We hear about the various horrible things Orton has done to various legends and confirm that Moolah is NOT dead.

Shawn throws him over the top but Orton skins the cat to steal a trademark and scores with a dropkick for two. A clothesline gets Shawn out of trouble and it’s a Cactus Clothesline with Shawn skinning the cat back as well. Shawn hits a high crossbody to the floor as the pace stays fast enough to start. Back in and Shawn charges into a boot in the corner, allowing Orton to hammer away in the corner.

A hard charge sends Shawn shoulder first into the post and NOW we’ll get to the meat of the match, starting with Flair posting the bad arm. Another Flair distraction lets Orton post the shoulder again and the beating is on. Back in and Orton cranks on the arm as JR talks about Shawn’s matches against Vader. I’ll try to figure out the connection as Shawn fights up to his feet.

Orton puts his feet on Shawn’s face and pulls on the arm to keep him in trouble. A small package (with some horribly loud spot calling) gives Shawn two and the forearm into the nipup starts the comeback. Shawn sends him over the top though, followed by a whip into the barricade. Flair’s distraction fails and Shawn hits a top rope ax handle for two. Sweet Chin Music is countered into the RKO but the delayed cover is only good for two.

Orton’s high crossbody takes too long and only hits mat, meaning Flair (who is DRENCHED in sweat) has to fail at interfering again. Shawn drops the top rope elbow for two and now Sweet Chin Music connects, only to have Flair put the foot on the ropes. The referee waves off the pin and in the distraction, Flair slips Orton some brass knuckles. A knockout punch later and Orton gets the upset pin.

Rating: B-. It’s probably too early for Orton to get the clean win so this was the best option that they had. I’m not seeing the need for the false pin but Orton hung in there long enough to make himself look better. The arm and shoulder stuff stopped mattering about halfway through but to be fair, Shawn’s offense isn’t heavily arm based in the first place. Good match with the right result though.

Chris Jericho recruits La Resistance in his crusade against Steve Austin.

Gail Kim/Molly Holly vs. Trish Stratus/Lita

Gail and Molly are jealous of Trish so they’ve beaten her up several times due to a variety of bad partners. Lita returned on Raw after over a year on the shelf and here we are. King during Trish’s entrance: “Her, me, whipped cream, handcuffs. Any questions?” Several, starting with can we please get passed this nonsense already?

The villains jump them to start but Trish and Lita fight them off and hit stereo baseball slides. Lita armdrags Gail as we settle down, followed by a suplex into a nip up. Trish’s top rope Thesz press lets her hammer away and Molly won’t tag out. Gail sends Trish outside though and Trish comes up holding her back.

Molly cranks on a modified dragon sleeper before Gail grabs one of her own. Something like a Sliced Bread #2 gets Trish out of the hold but Molly breaks up a hot tag attempt by pulling Lita off the apron. I love that spot. With the referee keeping Lita out, a camel clutch/Boston crab combination works over Trish’s back even more.

Lita has a busted lip so Lawler wants to go check on her, citing his oral surgery skills. My goodness he wouldn’t last five minutes today with stuff like this. Gail misses a middle rope legdrop and now it’s off to Lita to speed things up. A dropkick and monkey flip have Gail and Molly in trouble and there’s the first hurricanrana. Gail gets powerbombed and Trish hurricanranas Molly, setting up Lita’s moonsault for the pin.

Rating: C+. Good match here and a nice way to get Lita back into the swing of things. They stuck to the tag formula here and, as a result, the match was one of the better women’s matches in a long time. Just let them go out there and do the stuff they can do well, as I’m not sure these four are capable of putting together something much more complicated than this just yet. They did this well though and hopefully that’s a sign of things to come.

We recap Kane vs. Shane McMahon. Kane lost his mask and Steve Austin asked if the fire still burned. Kane went on a rampage and attacked various people, including Shane’s mother Linda. Since he’s a McMahon, the story became almost entirely about Shane, who is now able to hang in a fight with Kane when almost no one else can. Tonight it’s Last Man Standing so Shane can do more of his stunt show offense.

Kane vs. Shane McMahon

Shane chairs him in the back during the entrances and a jumping chair shot to the head puts Kane down for four. Another shot to the head gets six so Shane starts in on the knee. Some chair shots to said knee and a wrap around the post keep Kane down. Shane sends him head first into the steps and now it’s time for the jabs. Thankfully Kane throws him over the barricade rather than selling those lame punches.

Shane gets slammed off the barricade and smashed in the face with the steps as JR is already begging Shane to stay down. Back in and the chokeslam puts Shane down but he uses the referee to pull himself back up at seven. The referee gets kicked in the face, which shouldn’t make any difference in this match.

Kane loads up a Tombstone but changes his mind, instead opting for the steps again. The Tombstone onto the steps is reversed and Shane bulldogs Kane’s hands onto them instead. Another steps shot to the head sets up a very, very slow Van Terminator as the referee is STILL down. After a lot of laying around, Kane kicks the steps into Shane’s face and they stumble into the aisle. Shane wins a slugout but gets sent into the metal set for a seven. That works so well that Kane does it a few more times before stomping Shane down.

Kane sends him head first into the announcers’ table and then turns the table onto Shane for…no count as Shane moved. A shot to the head with a boom camera drops Kane but Shane pulls him back onto the stage. Shane low blows him and grabs a DDT, which the camera again shows doesn’t make any contact. Kane takes a monitor shot to the head and Shane climbs the set. The big elbow misses though and Kane wins without doing anything other than rolling to the side.

Rating: D. This was as exciting as laying around between step shots to the head was going to be. Shane looks like more of a monster than Kane, who comes off as someone who had to get lucky to beat a non-wrestler in nearly twenty minutes. Sure Shane’s dive looked cool, but we really wasted that much pay per view time to set it up? And all those weeks of Kane being evil and insane for this? As has been the case for weeks now, the focus is all over the place and completely misguided.

Shane gets taken out on the stretcher and gets a standing ovation.

Jericho blames Austin for what just happened. Austin tells him to take his best shot but Jericho says there’s more than one way to make him crack.

JR and King talk about how amazing that elbow was. As was the case at the end of the match: Kane is just a detail.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Jericho vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Christian

Christian is defending. Van Dam gets double teamed to start so he flips over their backs and hits a double dropkick. Both Canadians are sent to the floor and Rob moonsaults onto them. Back in and Rob monkey flips the champ for two, followed by the cartwheel moonsault onto Jericho.

Rolling Thunder is broken up and Christian mocks Van Dam’s pose. The Canadians double team some more with Christian holding Rob for Jericho’s right hands. Jericho misses a charge and gets kicked in the chest, along with another kick to Christian. Rob takes a bit too long on the champ though and gets enziguried down. A double DDT really gets Rob out of trouble though and there’s a flip dive to the floor to take Christian out again.

Back in and Jericho chokes Rob as JR sounds incredibly bored. We hit the chinlock so the announcers can talk about Shane being taken to a medical facility for fear of grave injury. The Walls of Jericho go on Rob with Jericho screaming about Austin as he cranks on the hold. Christian FINALLY runs in for the save and it’s time for Canadian brawling. They head outside with Christian being sent knees first into the steps, followed by a top rope back elbow to the jaw for two.

With Rob being shoved off the top, Jericho superplexes Christian for a double knockdown. Rob comes back in for a high crossbody on Jericho and Christian dives onto Jericho by mistake. Christian is put on top of his fellow villain for a Five Star to both in a good looking crash. They all head to the corner for the Tower of Doom and a BIG reaction as everyone is down again. Jericho gets sent outside again so Christian grabs the belt but gets kicked down. That’s not a problem though as he uses it to block the Five Star and retain.

Rating: C-. This was WAY longer than it needed to be and it felt like an extended version of most triple threat matches. There wasn’t much of a story to the match and while there were some nice near falls, it felt like something that could have been on any given episode of Raw. Then again, most of this pay per view would fit that same description so it’s not the biggest issue.

HHH compares Goldberg to a knight who slayed everyone in fantasy land but then came to the real world and got beaten up. He believes in himself and not in Goldberg. Somehow, this takes two minutes.

We recap the battle of the announcers. Coach turned heel because people didn’t respect him for filling in for JR, so of course we’re having a tag match for the Raw announcing job. As a fan, I have no idea why any of this would interest me, as it’s somehow built around the idea of Coach and Al Snow teaming on pay per view. Did anyone even know they were the Heat commentators?

Al Snow/Jonathan Coachman vs. Jerry Lawler/Jim Ross

So there’s no commentary for this one, which might be a perk in a less dumb match. Lawler tries for some quick falls on Snow, including a shoulder block for two. For some reason Snow decides to turn it into a slugout and you know Lawler is just fine with that. Snow kicks him down and grabs an Oklahoma roll (I’m not sure if I should give them a point for that one or not) for two.

We hit a seated abdominal stretch and the boring chants begin. How dare this crowd not want to see Snow vs. Lawler on pay per view? JR shouts at Snow for being stupid and not following up on a backdrop so Snow tries it again, only to be reversed into a piledriver for two. Coach tags himself in and Snow panics, realizing he now has to watch this too. The offense lasts all of a few seconds before Coach misses a charge in the corner.

Lawler beats him up for a few moments as the fans want JR. Snow makes a save after the fist drop and it’s off to JR, despite the referee looking completely the other way. JR knocks them both down and really awkwardly mounts Coach (“NOT IN THE FACE!”) until Jericho runs back in and breaks it up with a dropkick. Coach gets the cheap pin.

Rating: F. And that’s about all you could have expected from this. It’s not like anyone buys that JR and King are going to be off commentary for more than a few weeks anyway so this isn’t exactly thrilling stuff. Boring match of course but at least it was mainly done by a pair of wrestlers instead of Coach and JR.

Jericho says he can crack Austin a different way.

We recap Goldberg vs. HHH. Goldberg dominated the Elimination Chamber at Summerslam but HHH used a sledgehammer to retain, meaning we needed to stretch this out for another month before HHH dropped the title. There’s not much of a secret to how this ends, but that didn’t stop WWE for dragging it out.

JR and King do their big sad farewell….which will kick in tomorrow night as they’re still doing the main event. JR: “It ain’t about old JR and it ain’t about the King.” Really? Because we just sat through you guys having a featured pay per view match so it certainly seemed like part of the show was in fact about you.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Goldberg

HHH, alone here, is defending and loses the title if he’s disqualified or counted out. If Goldberg loses, he’s gone from WWE. Like I said, it’s not exactly a secret. They do the big lockup with HHH punching him into the corner but getting gorilla pressed for his efforts. An exchange of wristlocks (in a Goldberg match) goes nowhere so Goldberg goes with his swinging neckbreaker instead.

HHH throws him outside but gets caught with a quick clothesline. The spear is cut off with a knee though and Goldberg is sent to the floor again, this time for a posting. As HHH beats on Goldberg, JR manages to get two statements wrong in one line as he talks about HHH defeating names like Rock, Austin and Angle for this title. Just like last month at Summerslam, this is a different title lineage and this time, HHH never beat Austin or Angle for a World Title. Come on I know you just jobbed to the coach and lost your dream position but get your facts straight.

Goldberg’s leg is wrapped around the post and it’s off to the Figure Four. That’s turned over and Goldberg kicks him in the chest, followed by a powerslam for two. They head outside with HHH going into the steps to draw some blood. The referee gets bumped and we’re probably just waiting for Evolution here. Goldberg is getting a little too much offense though so HHH cuts him off with a DDT. The Pedigree is countered with a backdrop to the floor but HHH comes back with the sledgehammer to the face. The spear hits twenty two seconds later and the Jackhammer gives Goldberg the title.

Rating: D. So Goldberg doesn’t even get to kick out of the Pedigree? I’m glad they didn’t go with a bunch of false finishes as it’s not like the ending was in doubt, but this was a match where Goldberg should have won in much shorter order. It didn’t need to be a spear and Jackhammer for the win in thirty seconds, but this should have been closer to eight minutes rather than fifteen. Let HHH hit him with his best, Goldberg comes up growling, and the Jackhammer ends it. But no, because HHH likes his matches to feel epic, since even when he’s injured and putting someone over, he has to get his stuff in.

Overall Rating: D-. This was the worst kind of show you can have: it felt lifeless. Nothing on this card felt important or big or came off like it had any energy to it. The women’s match was pretty good and Orton vs. Shawn did its job (mostly) but the top matches are all so dull and uninteresting that they sucked the life out of this show. The TV leading up to this was a black hole of charisma and this was the pay per view version of that. Really lame show here, but due to being dull and lifeless instead of bad.

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Impact Wrestling
Date: December 8, 2016
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews

It’s the last regular show of the year as next week will be Total Nonstop Deletion because it’s a good idea to give the Hardys their own show. The big story this week is the World Title on the line as Eddie Edwards defends against Ethan Carter III. You can almost guarantee a screwy finish of some kind as TNA loves leaving us hanging. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the World Title match with both guys seeming to have a lot of respect for each other.

Here’s new Grand Champion Moose for an opening chat. We get the YOU DESERVE IT chant, which is really starting to lose meaning. The guy has been around less than six months and has only been wrestling on the big stage for less than two years. Anyway, Moose promises to be a fighting champion but here’s Drew Galloway to interrupt.

Drew says the title was built for him and now he could have a match of the year against someone like Moose. The fight is about to begin but here’s Aron Rex (now clean shaven) to interrupt. Rex says three seconds isn’t enough time for a match and threatens to sue the fans for, and I feel stupid for saying this, Rexual Harassment. He’ll have his rematch right now.

Grand Championship: Moose vs. Aron Rex

Rex is challenging and wastes no time with the loaded up punch, which knocks Moose out on the floor. Back in and Rex can only get two so we hit the chinlock. Moose makes a quick comeback to end the round but Rex still takes the first. Rex uses his evil towel to blind Moose to start the second and it’s ANOTHER chinlock. The Wind-Up Elbow gets two on the champ and more elbows give Rex the second round. Round three begins with Rex hammering away again, only to get dropkicked off the top. The Game Changer retains the title at 7:36 total.

Rating: D+. I really cannot stand this gimmick. It’s TNA trying to be creative and while it’s something new, that doesn’t mean it’s interesting. The problem here is you could take away the rounds and the match would be exactly the same. Just have Rex cheat to win any regular title and it’s the same thing. That’s a major problem but TNA just keeps running with this thing.

Eddie says he’s ready.

Galloway rants about TNA not holding the tournament for him.

Aiden O’Shea vs. Mandrews

O’Shea goes for a slam but the much smaller Mandrews falls on him to take over. Aiden’s big forearm hits the apron by mistake and now he’s ticked off. The shirt comes off and the slow beating begins, only to have Mandrews send him outside. That means a big flip dive as I’m wondering why I’m supposed to boo this guy. A springboard seated senton sets up a shooting star press to end O’Shea at 5:48.

Rating: C-. So……he’s one of the least interesting wrestlers in the division, he’s turned heel, and now he wins a match that by definition is about making someone look like a face? Normally I would attribute this to a weird taping situation where Mandrews’ turn was taped after this but, since it’s TNA, it’s just weird booking as this took place after the turn.

Mahabali Shera/Al Snow vs. Tribunal

Indian strap match, meaning they’re bound at the wrists by straps and you win by touching all six corners. They brawl on the floor to start until the wrists are strapped, meaning the Tribunal can start choking. Snow’s comeback is cut off but it’s too early to touch the buckles. Low blows and straps to the back have the Tribunal down and a double low bridging allows Snow and Shera to win at 5:19.

Rating: D-. Whatever man. I’ve been sick of this feud since the second it began and this isn’t getting any better. Hopefully this blows it off and we can go on to anything else because I have no idea why it would keep going. No one involved is interesting and no one involved is being elevated but it keeps going anyway. Such is life in TNA.

We see Matt Hardy asleep with the Seven Deities telling him about something called Apocalypto.

Ethan is ready for the title match and makes fun of Eli Drake for not being able to talk.

Here are the Hardys to talk about Tag Team Apocalypto next week. Matt says the match will be so big that Mc-Mahon or Hayman couldn’t promote it. There will be regular stars of the Impact Wrestling roster and even King Maxill will make his debut. The Tag Team Titles will be on the line in an open challenge to any tag team in the history of space and time.

Cue Shane Helms (He still works here?) to say he’ll be there. Matt can’t wait to see 3 Count or the superheroes back in action. Helms is actually bringing the Helms Dynasty and promises to be there. Cue Decay to say they’ll top the Great War when they appear as well. Helms takes a Twist of Fate.

After a break, DCC says they’ll be in North Carolina next week too.

Laurel Van Ness vs. Allie

Madison Rayne is on commentary. Before the match, Maria laughs at Allie for pretending to be a wrestler. Allie says she’s been training with Braxton Sutter, which freaks Laurel out. Sutter comes out to watch from ringside as Laurel starts beating Allie up. Allie gets in a suplex as Sutter and Mike Bennett fight to the back. With the men gone, Laurel misses a charge in the corner and a reverse DDT puts her away at 5:11.

Rating: D+. The match was nothing but the story was all it needed to be. Allie is one of the most over people on the roster and seeing her beat up Maria and company is the best idea possible. It’s also very helpful that she’s a trained wrestler so we don’t have to sit through months of her learning how to do things. Sutter vs. Bennett could be good too.

Maria tries to get in and is shoved right back down.

Video on Carter vs. Edwards.

Allie is all happy and kisses Sutter in celebration.

Total Nonstop Deletion ad.

TNA World Title: Ethan Carter III vs. Eddie Edwards

Eddie is defending and they trade armbars to start. A running knee lift cuts Eddie off and sends him to the floor as they’re definitely taking their time here. Ethan gets two off a knee drop and we take a break. Back with Carter getting two off a suplex and we’re off to a chinlock.

That goes nowhere so Eddie hits a top rope hurricanrana to very little reaction from the audience. They chop it out until Ethan is knocked outside for the suicide dive. Eddie’s rollup is countered into a sitout powerbomb for two but the TK3 doesn’t work. Back up and the champ gets crotched on the ropes for the superplex into a small package near fall.

Carter speeds things up until the Boston Knee Party sends him outside. The TK3 connects on the floor but Carter still can’t put him away. The Backpack Stunner is countered into Ethan’s rear naked choke, only to have Eddie roll onto his back. It’s a double finish as Eddie taps at the same time as the three count at 20:35.

Rating: B. The match was good but, as usual, it felt like they were just doing moves until we got to the ending. The near falls helped a lot and I buy them as equals but the ending felt a bit forced. It’s a good main event but really not enough to save the show, which wasn’t the best leading up to this.

The match is ruled a no contest so Eddie retains. Replays show that Carter’s shoulder was up at two anyway but it’s not acknowledged. I’m guessing Carter goes heel after this.

Overall Rating: C-. That main event helped a lot but there’s almost no way to save this show. Maybe they were just spent at the end of the marathon tapings or maybe TNA just isn’t capable of putting on quality TV (there’s a shocker) but so much of this show feels like a waste of time.

I can’t count how many things on here just exist with no emotional connection. When you have a gimmick match that doesn’t work, a pretty worthless big vs. little match, that stupid, stupid Snow/Shera match and a mostly bad women’s match, a good main event just isn’t enough. The show isn’t the worst in the world and is watchable at times but it’s not interesting and that’s a much bigger problem.

Results

Moose b. Aron Rex – Game Changer

Mandrews b. Aiden O’Shea – Shooting star press

Al Snow/Mahabali Shera b. Tribunal – Snow and Shera touched all six buckles

Allie b. Laurel Van Ness – Reverse DDT

Eddie Edwards vs. Ethan Carter III went to a no contest with a double finish

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Smackdown
Date: May 9, 2002
Location: Harbor Yard Arena, Bridgeport, Connecticut
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

As horrible as Raw has been in recent weeks, Smackdown is really starting to find a groove. They’ve hit that perfect balance of wrestling, storyline and entertainment to make two hours go by very quickly. The shows aren’t great but they’re easy to sit through and you actually get some good wrestling. Let’s get to it.

Get the F Out gardening video.

Here’s Stacy Keibler looking GREAT in a black dress. After a bit of dancing, she brings out Vince to kill most of the buzz. Vince gets right to the point: HHH is a bad employee who may not have physically interfered last week, but he certainly knew what he was doing. Therefore HHH needs to get out here right now and apologize like a model employee or things are going to get bad in a hurry.

HHH comes out and immediately defies Vince’s orders to stay at least ten feet away. The gears quickly shift to HHH suggesting that Vince can’t keep her satisfied all night long, though HHH certainly could because he’s HHH and therefore all manly and such. More size jokes are made and HHH says Stacy is like Anna Nicole Smith, waiting on Vince to die so she can collect the cash. Uh, Trips, she’s just an employee sleeping with the boss. Pull it back a bit.

Vince teases fighting but here are Christian/Lance Storm/D-Von/Hardcore Holly/Test to go after HHH in shifts because wrestling villains don’t get the idea of attacking at the same time. With HHH finally taken down, Chris Jericho comes out for a few chair shots to bust him open.

The second HOGAN chant goes nowhere as Jericho puts on the Walls, with HHH actually tapping. Vince gets in HHH’s face and announces Jericho vs. HHH in the Cell. It’s a cool idea but I’m not sure this match warrants such a big feud. Especially not when there’s no doubt who wins the thing. It’s not like HHH is going to lay down for Jericho in a big match setting.

Cruiserweight Title: Tajiri vs. Hurricane

Tajiri is defending and starts fast with the kicks to the face as Cole is already on his second explanation for how badly Tajiri treats Torrie. I know he’s bad about it today but back then it was excruciating to listen to him hammer in plot points. Hurricane comes back with a DDT and neckbreaker for two but gets caught by the handspring elbow (which Cole refers to as a big spot).

Hurricane knocks him outside and Torrie’s help is shoved away. That’s fine with Hurricane who hits a running flip dive, only to get kicked down again. Torrie FINALLY has enough and gets on the announcers’ table to strip off the geisha outfit and reveal some blue lingerie. The distraction is enough to get Tajiri counted out.

Rating: C-. Not much to the match but the angle advancement was the important thing here. Also, unless Tajiri is holding the title for a lot longer, I don’t get why you wouldn’t change the title here. It’s not a stretch to have him get humiliated and walk into a chokeslam for the title but at least they finally did the split with Torrie.

Hurricane chokeslams Tajiri to make it even worse.

Jericho is with Vince and Stacy to brag about what happened earlier. Vince wants to give HHH a match tonight but doesn’t know who he could face. Cue D-Von and HHH has an opponent. Vince specially asks if he’s here and D-Von says he’s always here.

Hurricane and Al Snow discuss Spider-Man in what has to be a paid advertisement. Hurricane wants to ask Spider-Man whatuswiththat so Snow suggests medication. Someone has left Hurricane a note, saying they know who he is. Hurricane flies off and Snow says he thought it was weird talking to a head. Somehow, these two both appeared on TNA TV fourteen years after this.

Test vs. Mark Henry

Please let this be the blowoff. The challenge of a test of strength gets Henry in trouble and Test hits some running clotheslines in the corner. Henry comes back with clotheslines of his own (oh this isn’t going to be easy) before a powerslam gets two. Test gets gorilla pressed (with a nice assist by shoving off Henry’s shoulders but a bad ending as Henry doesn’t get him all the way up) for two more but he shoves Henry off the top. A flying elbow (one of the few things Test could make look good) gives Test another two but he has to low blow his way out of a full nelson. The big boot ends Henry a few seconds later.

Rating: D-. And so much for Henry going anywhere. See, if you have his whole character be based around power, it might help to have him actually win the matches. I’ve always liked Test but there’s only so much you can do with a guy whose main appeal is….somebody help me out here. Why is Test getting this push again?

Christian brags about beating HHH to Kurt Angle but Kurt gives Jericho the credit. Angle promises to make Edge bald tonight.

We recap Billy and Chuck losing their trunks and Rico getting a Stinkface. Rico says he’s coming out in style, meaning he’s wrestling tonight.

HHH vs. Reverend D-Von

The big moment here (other than HHH slumming it like this) is the debut of D-Von’s new lackey: Deacon BATISTA. D-Von introduces him to the crowd and tells him to watch the ring while he beats the sin out of HHH. It might be easier to beat the blood out of him since HHH has a big bandage on his head. A backdrop and spinebuster give HHH an early two but D-Von sends him into the buckle to take over. At least D-Von is smart enough to take the bandage off and go after the cut.

Batista sends HHH into the steps and hits a big clothesline. Who in the world would guess that would be Wrestlemania XXI? Back in and D-Von gets two off a middle rope forearm to the head, only to miss the headbutt. For some reason HHH goes to grab a chair but gets decked by Batista again. Batista misses a charge into the post though, meaning he looks great and has power but he isn’t that bright. It’s Pedigree time but Jericho runs in and hits HHH with the metal money box to give D-Von the big upset.

Rating: D+. It’s a big win for D-Von though I can’t imagine this is going to wind up meaning anything for him. In other words it’s part of a HHH story instead of anything else, though I don’t think anyone thought Reverend D-Von was going to go anywhere. At least we now have Batista as the Class of 2002 continues to grow.

Here’s Kurt Angle to explain the concept of a hair vs. hair match. Angle makes it even more clear by showing us a shot of Edge with no hair. Kurt: “MR. CLEAN LIVES!” He’s got a second picture but this time it’s Angle with no hair. Angle demands it’s taken away but it’s replaced by a YOU SUCK graphic. Edge’s presence is demanded but here’s Hulk Hogan instead because someone has to stand up for the bald guys. Seriously.

Hogan mentions names like Billy Graham, Steve Austin and of course himself, which pretty much ends the list of great bald champions. Angle promises to take the title from Hogan if Undertaker doesn’t because he’s the only REAL American around here. A big boot knocks Angle to the floor because Hogan is a secret Communist spy. Kurt bails but walks into a spear from Edge with very little reaction from the announcers.

Post break Angle storms into Vince’s office and is put into a tag match against Edge and Hogan with Jericho as his partner.

Billy and Chuck/Rico vs. Rikishi/Al Snow/Maven

What happened to Albert vs. Rikishi? If you’re going to set that stuff up, at least pay it off. Chuck and Snow start things off and Cole ignores the dull action to talk about upcoming house shows. Snow’s trapping headbutts have Chuck in trouble and it’s off to Rikishi for the fat man offense.

A quick poke to the eye cuts that off though and we get the first in ring appearance of Rico. Billy has to make a very quick save so Rikishi knocks him down as well. For some reason Maven gets a loud reaction off the tag but Rico kicks him from behind to give the bad guys control. Rico’s kicks have Maven in more trouble but Chuck comes back in and eats a DDT.

Snow comes in off the ice cold tag (because this story needed to end a long time ago) and everything breaks down. A Samoan drop to Chuck is completely no sold but a superkick that missed by a few inches knocks him outside. Go figure. Rico is knocked into position for a Stinkface but Chuck makes another save, allowing Billy to get in a Fameasser for the pin on Snow.

Rating: D. This show hasn’t been kind with the wrestling but can you blame them with this group of people? There’s no reason for Snow/Maven to keep going after the Tag Team Titles at this point, aside from a lack of anyone else to do it. Did they really split up the Dudley Boyz for the sake of these lame singles runs? Again: it would be nice if they thought this stuff through.

Randy Orton isn’t worried about his issues with Hardcore Holly but Lance Storm interrupts. Storm isn’t pleased with being relegated to taking bets on Mark Henry’s displays of strength so tonight he’ll show his skills against Orton.

We look back at Hogan destroying Undertaker’s motorcycle on Raw. The edited version takes it up from one of the worst segments of all time to just one of the worst of the year.

GET THE F OUT!

Lance Storm vs. Randy Orton

There’s no referee but as luck would have it, Hardcore Holly strolls out wearing a referee shirt. Cole: “I bet Mr. McMahon had something to do with this.” Thankfully Tazz is all over him for saying something that stupid. Storm starts fast with forearms to the back and a spinwheel kick before taking Orton down with a cravate. Randy comes back with exactly what you would expect but Holly won’t count a cover. A powerslam gets a very slow two and Orton hits the high crossbody for an equally slow two. Surrounded by unfairness, Orton gets pulled into the half crab with Holly pushing the ropes away to force the tap.

Rating: D+. Very basic match here but I’m glad it’s giving Storm something to do. He might not be the most entertaining wrestler in the world but there’s value in someone with that level of technical skills. Orton needs to get out of this Holly feud but at least he hasn’t lost to him yet.

Storm and Holly put the boots to Orton until Val Venis makes the save to get even with Storm for screwing him over last week. I can always go for logical week to week booking.

Edge goes into Hogan’s locker room and puts on his gear for the Hogan required Hulk impression until the real thing shows up to give his partner a pep talk. Edge: “He called me brother!”

Edge/Hulk Hogan vs. Kurt Angle/Chris Jericho

Hogan and Angle start things off and Kurt’s right hands have no effect. A quick forearm gets two for Hulk, which is actually a rare sight. How often do you see Hogan cover off anything but a finisher? Edge comes in and gets thrown with a belly to belly before Jericho offers his hard chops. The half nelson facebuster drops Jericho and Edge cleans house while Hogan stays on the apron. I think that’s best for everyone involved.

Chris snaps the throat across the top to take over and it’s time to choke with some tape. We hit the chinlock on Edge for a bit before they both hit cross bodies. The hot tag brings in Hogan to clean house (exactly what he should be used for) and the usual looks to finish Jericho until Angle pulls the referee. Jericho grabs the Walls on Hogan but here’s HHH with the sledgehammer for the DQ.

Rating: C-. This was the best Hogan match since Wrestlemania and it’s not even close. Hogan still has value as long as he doesn’t overstay his welcome in any given match. Here he started things off, threw some punches, stood on the apron to play cheerleader while Edge got beaten down and then came in for the house cleaning.

The fans are going to love that stuff because it’s what Hogan does best. What isn’t going to work is having Hogan out there for fifteen minutes, which he rarely did in his prime. Let the young guys go out there and do the hard work and let non-champion Hogan come in and do his thing. That could last for months if not a year or two.

Vince comes out and offers to let HHH hit him with the hammer, though it’s going to cost him his career. HHH swings but Vince drops to the floor, allowing Jericho to get in a chair shot to end the show. This is really feeling like a modern Cell match as I can barely remember why HHH is mad at Vince in the first place. None of that matters though as HHH and Jericho are going into the Cell and that’s all that matters.

Overall Rating: D+. The wrestling was really weak here but the storytelling makes up for some of that. They clearly have plans week to week here and it makes the shows so much easier to sit through. Couple that with a lack of anything horrible like the NWO or the motorcycle segment from Raw and it’s no surprise that Smackdown is miles ahead of Raw at the moment. Fix up the wrestling and the show would be a highlight instead of just better than the horrible one.

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Smackdown
Date: April 18, 2002
Location: Compaq Center, Houston, Texas
Commentators: Tazz, Michael Cole

It’s the go home show for Backlash and since this is Smackdown, we have a tag team main event which doesn’t have a lot to do with the pay per view. In this case it’s HHH/Hulk Hogan vs. Chris Jericho/Kurt Angle as Jericho doesn’t actually have a match on Sunday. Then again I’m not sure who he could fight save for Rock, who wasn’t around last week and probably won’t be again this week. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Billy and Chuck/Albert vs. Maven/Al Snow/Rikishi

Chuck punches Snow in the face to start in what is probably his best offensive move. Something close to a low blow has Chuck in trouble so it’s off to Maven for his really bad offense. We hit the armbar on Chuck as Tazz argues that he was Maven’s real trainer. I’d be careful bragging about that buddy. Albert comes in and throws Al around but Snow finds a way around Billy’s amazing offense and brings in Rikishi, who is suddenly an offensive juggernaut.

Rico comes in and is almost caught in a Stinkface (along with Chuck) but Albert makes the save. We get the big slam spot that isn’t as impressive as WWE would like us to be. The hot tag gives us Maven for some reason as everything breaks down. Rico kicks Snow down but Maven comes off the top with a high cross body for the pin on Chuck to set up Sunday’s title match.

Rating: C+. I think we’ve found the winner for biggest surprise of the night as this was actually good. Maven is still hard to take seriously with his dropkick and crossbody offense but giving him the pin was the best idea after Snow won last week. Albert vs. Rikishi is just a thing that exists but I’ve seen worse. Nice choice for an opener here.

Stacy Keibler, looking very good in blue, bends over just as Hulk Hogan opens his door. Vince wants to see Hogan right now so Hulk follows her with his eyes clearly panning down.

Kidman and Hurricane make fun of Planet Stasiak but Kidman says no one knows who he is. Hurricane has an idea: CHEAP POPS! So now the writers are making fun of the fact that no one cares about the Cruiserweight Title? I mean, no one does but still.

Hogan comes in to see Vince but Stacy finds Hulk a bit too attractive and gets sent away. Vince thinks he’s experienced this feeling of fan support for Hogan before. Back in 1984, nothing could stop this kind of momentum but it’s not going to be enough on Sunday. Naturally this takes WAY longer than it should.

Chavo Guerrero Jr./Tajiri vs. Kidman/Hurricane

Kidman armdrags Chavo to dead silence to get us going. A headscissors and dropkick do a bit better but it’s off to Hurricane and you can hear the crowd wake up. Tajiri walks into a headlock before hitting a perfect looking superkick to drop Hurricane. The announcers completely ignore the match to talk about Vince and Hogan’s issues despite Vince having very little to do with Hogan at the moment.

Kidman takes a quick beating before it’s back to Hurricane for a jumping clothesline. Everything breaks down and Chavo sends Hurricane to the floor, only to have Tajiri come back in with a high crossbody for two. Tazz: “What is going on in this match?” It’s almost like he doesn’t pay attention. A big kick to the head gives Tajiri the pin on Hurricane.

Rating: B-. If there’s one thing that drives me crazier than the announcers not paying attention, it’s the announcers acknowledging that they’re not paying attention. It’s a nothing match but I miss the days of Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura where the match going on in front of them was the most important thing in the world. You can plug other stuff but don’t laugh off the fact that you have no idea what’s going on in front of you.

Post match Tajiri kicks Kidman in the head and yells at Torrie in Japanese.

We look back at Test trying to hurt Mark Henry during last week’s feat of strength.

Here’s Mark to lift a car off the ground. Wrestlers take bets and Test doesn’t buy that this is real. He can’t lift it but Mark can, only to have Test cheat on the bets and beat Faarooq up.

Hulk Hogan comes out to talk about how people think he’s crazy for trying this one more time. He believes that he can do it one more time because, as Vince says, perception is reality. Hogan used to take the title for granted and now he wants to just be champion one more time. We get the big Hulking Up line but here’s Chris Jericho to interrupt.

Jericho goes on for a LONG time about how old Hogan is and about how HHH stole the title from him. Ever since he got back, Hogan has only had one singles match and he lost. True actually but ignore that part of course. Hogan finally tells him to shut up and come fight so here’s Kurt Angle to help him out. Edge comes out for the save to finally end this.

Here’s the problem: the fans absolutely love to cheer Hogan’s comeback and old nostalgia stuff because Hogan can still do it well enough to make the schtick work. The problem is that only works during the matches. In between them, Hogan has almost nothing to talk about other than how he wants to be a star one more time. That lost its steam about two days after Wrestlemania and it’s getting close to impossible to sit through, especially when he talks for ten minutes a week.

Vince throws Edge out but Edge things it’s Vince being afraid of what’s going to happen to Angle on Sunday. Edge leaves and Stacy comes up to offer her, ahem, services to calm Vince down. Vince wants HHH instead.

Test vs. Faarooq

Faarooq goes right after him but makes the mistake of sliding in, allowing Test to take over. Faarooq’s comeback goes nowhere and Test rolls him up with his feet on the ropes for two. The pumphandle slam doesn’t work so Faarooq avoids a charge and grabs a rollup with his feet on the ropes for the pin.

Test kicks Faarooq in the face.

Stacy goes to get HHH but is distracted when he takes off the shirt. She finally gets the line out but HHH says she can’t make him come just by telling him to.

Hardcore Holly wants to beat Page up because he likes destroying positivity. Page comes in and smiles but says the anger is ticking him off.

HHH comes in to see Vince so Stacy is quickly sent out. Vince asks if HHH is ready to “dampen the fires of the greatest fire in sports entertainment.” If HHH loses, he’s on Smackdown. Now THAT’S a punishment.

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Hardcore Holly

Page starts fast with a clothesline and neckbreaker before hammering away in the corner. Holly gets in a hard clothesline of his own, only to get crotched on top. A superplex brings them down but Page lands on his head, injuring his neck in the process. Thankfully Page is able to walk and tries the Diamond Cutter but Holly shoves him away and hits the dropkick for the pin. According to Holly’s book, the ending was originally going to be the Alabama Slam but Page asked for it to be changed due to Page having some injuries. For some reason this was considered rude and Holly was punished as a result.

Page has to fight Holly off and gets in a quick Diamond Cutter. That’s it for Page in the WWF and really it’s for the best. Page never quite fit in the WWF but that’s to be expected when a lot of his WCW appeal came from fans watching him rise up the card. That and signing at 45 years old. He had a nice little run though and that’s more than a lot of people get.

Angle and Jericho are in the back and Kurt gets annoyed at Jericho saying Angle would suck the life out of Hogan. Kurt is so mad that he keeps leaving and coming back to yell more.

Here’s Reverend D-Von to say Vince is a prophet and go on like your standard enthusiastic preacher. He even takes up a collection and the fans give him a nice wad of cash.

Chris Jericho/Kurt Angle vs. HHH/Hulk Hogan

HHH and Angle start with the champ hammering away, just in case you didn’t realize HHH is better than Kurt. That doesn’t go anywhere so it’s off to Hogan for a change. Jericho comes in and tries a posedown before Angle comes in for the double teaming. Two simple villains are no match for Hogan of course so it’s HHH coming in to help stomp Jericho in the corner.

A catapult sends Jericho into Angle and a spinebuster gets two. For some reason the good guys get in an argument, allowing Jericho to hit HHH low and finally take over. We hit the sleeper because that’s going to get the fans to care. As usual, Hogan is awesome at playing cheerleader on the apron, which really is something so many people miss. Watch someone like Hogan or Cena when they’re on the apron in a tag match. They’re almost always doing something, even if it’s just slapping the turnbuckle. The energy helps a match so much.

Angle misses a charge into the post and the tag brings in Hogan for the 1986 offense. Jericho breaks up the legdrop and grabs a chair but stops to throw the referee out. HHH gets up but Jericho breaks up a Pedigree. Dang Kurt is going to owe him forever now. Hogan comes back and takes the chair away, setting up the chair shot to HHH’s head that everyone saw coming. Edge comes in to save Hogan (again) and the match is a no contest.

Rating: D+. Just angle advancement here and that’s fine. I still have no idea why Jericho doesn’t have a match on the pay per view when he’s in such a featured role on this show. Hogan vs. HHH can’t end fast enough and these matches aren’t making me want to see them fight on Sunday. The wrestling, which means HHH and Hogan making it clear that they’re miles ahead of their opponents, was watchable enough if you can ignore the boring stories.

Edge fights Jericho and Angle off, leaving HHH to chair Hogan to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. I know the show wasn’t great but this was so far and away better than Raw. Maybe it’s the younger talent around here or maybe it’s the lack of thirty second matches but this is easily more entertaining. There’s still a lot of bad stuff here though as they need to get rid of Hogan as fast as they can. It’s really not working at the moment and that’s only going to get worse as time goes on. This was a completely watchable show though and that puts it leaps and bounds above Raw.

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Smackdown
Date: April 11, 2002
Location: Tucson Convention Center, Tucson, Arizona
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

This has to be better than Raw right? I’m almost convinced that it has to be just based on the law of nearly anything would be better than the mess that I sat through earlier this week. The big story continues to be the build towards Hulk Hogan vs. HHH for reasons of pure nostalgia. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Kurt Angle to get things going with his continued complaining about Hogan getting the title shot. He’s beaten Russians and Iranians much tougher than Nikolai Volkoff and the Iron Sheik so how can Hogan be better than him? Then on Raw, Ric Flair made Undertaker vs. Steve Austin for the title shot after that so Kurt is out in the cold for a long time. Tonight he has a non-title match against HHH so he could prove what happened had Vince McMahon not gone mental.

The WHAT chants finally make Angle snap but here’s Edge to calm things down a bit. Edge agrees that Angle’s medal win was inspiring but IT WAS SIX YEARS AGO. Since Angle isn’t getting a title shot soon, maybe he’d like to face Edge at Backlash. The match is accepted so Edge has one last thing: the fans need to shout YOU SUCK instead of WHAT whenever Kurt talks. And that’s the rest of Angle’s career. Angle freaks out as only he can and demands his music plays, only to have the fans chant to the tune.

Chris Jericho tells Angle that he’ll take care of Edge tonight. So there’s your heel alliance. Angle doesn’t like loudmouthed Canadians with long blond hair who dress like a rock star. Angle: “Well not you of course. You’re cool.”

Tajiri vs. Hurricane

Hurricane has hacked off his hair. Tajiri drags Torrie Wilson out in a geisha girl outfit and you can just pencil in the big stripping scene from here. An armdrag sends Tajiri outside and Hurricane uses a rare over the top flip dive to take him down. Torrie looks miserable as Tazz says she’s lucky to have someone like Tajiri. For once Cole has it right by saying it’s the other way around. Hurricane gets in a hurricanrana but gets kicked in the head for the fast pin.

Rating: C+. This was a good way to set up Tajiri’s rematch for the Cruiserweight Title at Backlash and treating Torrie like garbage is a classic, simple way to get him over as a heel. It’s nice to have some actual characters in the Cruiserweight division instead of just giving them little time and having them do spots.

Tajiri berates Torrie until Kidman makes the save.

Stacy Keibler, in Miss Hancock attire, lays on Vince’s couch until he shows up.

Albert vs. Scotty 2 Hotty

We get the debut of Albert in trunks here because we needed to see that chest hair. Albert jumps him during the entrances as Cole talks about Albert beating Scotty up last week and yelling about Scotty holding him down and making him do all the dancing. Cole: “But we still haven’t heard why Albert did what he did.” That’s vintage Cole stupidity. Scotty stops a charge with a boot and gets two off a middle rope dropkick. The Worm is broken up by a bicycle kick and a Baldo Bomb ends Scotty in a hurry.

Albert beats him up some more after the match until Rikishi makes the save. You mean their big idea is Rikishi vs. Albert? As in the future Hall of Famer vs. future head trainer of developmental?

Vince arrives to find Stacy and says he’s considering her for a position. There are a few more candidates though and he’ll be interviewing them in the ring. Stacy promises to give him an offer that he can’t refuse.

Rico makes fun of Maven’s clothes and eyebrows. Al Snow comes in and a tag match against Billy and Chuck is made for later.

Hogan wants to be the WWF Champion one more time. Jericho comes up and warns Hogan about the dangers of HHH. I’d pay to see a Battle of the Bands between Fozzy and the Wrestling Boot Band.

Edge vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho gets caught by an early spinwheel kick and flapjack before Edge sends him outside. There’s a baseball slide over the announcers’ table as it’s all young Canadian so far. Jericho hides behind the referee and rakes Edge’s eyes, earning himself a HAS BEEN chant. It amazes me that Jericho had been wrestling for over ten years at this point and he’d still be around over fourteen years later. That’s almost as long as Austin’s entire career and it’s not even half of what Jericho did.

Edge fights back with some chops and avoids a charge to send Chris into the post. A rollup gets two on Jericho and you can hear the fans getting fired up off the near falls. Cue Angle but Edge spears him down, only to walk into a bulldog. The Edge-O-Matic gets two but the referee stupidly gets in the way of a catapult. You know, because referees are dumb.

The Edgecator makes Jericho tap but there’s no one to see it so of course Edge lets go. You know, because wrestlers are dumb. Jericho tries to bring in a chair but gets speared for two. Angle snaps Edge’s neck across the top and that’s enough for a rollup with tights to give Jericho the pin.

Rating: B-. That’s probably the best match since the Brand Extension, assuming you ignore the nonsense with the referee and all the interference. Unfortunately that’s how big matches go at this point in the WWF because they don’t want anyone to lose even remotely clean. It’s fine every now and then but that’s what countouts and disqualifications should be for.

Edge goes after Angle but gets beaten down until Hogan makes the save.

Here’s Vince for his job interviews or whatever they’re calling them this week. There’s a desk in the ring and it’s really not that hard to guess what they’re setting up with Stacy. First up we have a professional looking woman with horn rimmed glasses named Sylvia Johnson. She can type 95 words a minute, can speak three languages and most computer languages. Vince says no because she’s not his type. “Don’t let the door hit you on the…..oh yeah we don’t have doors on the ring.”

Next up is a guy who looks like Steve from Blue’s Clues. Vince tells him to get out before anyone can say a word. The third option is a decent looking woman who is a bit more Vince’s type. She can type fast and takes dictation but the fans want puppies. Vince thinks he’s found his personal assistant but wonders if there’s one more applicant.

Cue Stacy and Vince’s eyes bug out despite knowing it was coming. Ok to be fair the Hancock outfit can have that effect. Stacy throws the other woman out and dances on the desk to get the job. Vince falling out of his chair when she pulls up her skirt is great, unlike this HUGE waste of time. Yeah Stacy looked great but this was nothing other than a way for Vince to have some fun.

D-Von, now in a suit comes in to see Vince and tells him to testify. See, now he’s a preacher. His mission is to save the sinners of the world but he needs a benefactor. Vince agrees, despite the fact that it’s D-Von. At least this is something different though and that’s what someone like D-Von needs, which is what TNA never understood.

Mark Henry holds a limo (driven by Test) back with his legs. Test cranks it up and hurts Henry’s legs (which you never actually see touching the limo of course). So we’re going to get Rikishi vs. Albert and Test vs. Mark Henry?

Chuck vs. Al Snow

Everyone is at ringside. I’d rather they have this match instead of giving Snow and Maven a Tag Team Title shot out of the blue. Snow kicks him into the corner to start as Tazz yells at Cole for getting a town’s name wrong. A belly to belly sends Snow flying as the announcers debate weed whackers. Snow gets two off a sitout spinebuster but Rico gets in the ring. Maven chases him into the crowd, leaving Chuck to hit the Jungle Kick for two. A quick Snowplow gives Al the pin.

Rating: D. I’m fine with setting up some challengers for the titles as it’s not like there are many teams on either show at the moment. Snow and Maven aren’t exactly doing anything else and it can plug the second season of Tough Enough at the same time. Nothing to see here but at least the booking makes sense. Unfortunately that doesn’t make it interesting but that’s what you get when WE HAVE TO SPLIT UP THE TAG TEAMS BECAUSE REASONS!

HHH is getting taped up when Hogan comes in to talk about Jericho and Angle. The face alliance is offered but HHH will have nothing to do with it because they’re going to fight at Backlash. Just like last week, Hogan being everybody’s favorite grandpa and HHH being all serious really doesn’t work. HHH holds up the title and talks about it like his secret girlfriend for when Stephanie throws him out for not respecting the lady balls enough. Finally, as is custom for HHH, I have time to drywall my house by the time he finishes his really simple point.

Kurt Angle vs. HHH

Non-title. Angle’s top wristlock goes nowhere as HHH shoves him into the corner. Cole again tries to push the “HHH grew up idolizing Hogan” schtick, which only works if you ignore the fact that he was a teenager when Hogan first won the title. A sunset flip with tights gives us a two count and an Angle thong shot. We’re lucky enough to have Angle not realize that they’re down so HHH gives him a hard spank. Angle finally figures out what’s going on and throws some German suplexes for two.

We hit the sleeper on the champ but HHH flips him over and grabs a DDT. HHH starts choking for no real apparent reason before a spinebuster gets two more with Jericho coming out to pull the referee to the floor. A Lionsault gives Angle two so Jericho decks the ref and the beatdown is on. Hogan comes out for the save and beats down Angle…..to set up a Pedigree for the pin. WHAT??? Jericho pulled the referee out, hit a Lionsault and beat the referee up before Hogan came in and beat up both bad guys AND THE REFEREE DIDN’T NOTICE??? Are you kidding me?

Rating: C+. The match was what you would expect from these two but WOW that ending was ridiculous. It’s not like HHH absolutely had to pin Angle here as he was getting double teamed by two former World Champions and….oh wait it was HHH. How did I miss that when I was saying all this made no sense? Of course he had to beat Angle. It means so much after having Hogan come in for the save and all.

Post match HHH yells at Hogan for coming out. They get in each others faces and HHH tells him to stay out of his business until Backlash. Hogan says HHH is his business until Backlash (Shouldn’t that be until after Backlash?) and goes to leave but Angle hits HHH from behind, knocking him into HHH. Hulk hits the usual and holds up the title. Jericho and Angle beat the good guys down and stand…..well about average height to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Let’s get this out of the way at the start: this was WAY better than any of the other single brand shows from either Raw or Smackdown to date. There was good, longer wrestling and story advancement with characters that people care about. Really lame main event feud aside (especially with the Hogan nostalgia not working as well as it was a few weeks ago, likely due to a lack of the Rock’s charisma helping things), a lot of the show made more sense.

However, we still have a lot of major problems. You have Maven and Al Snow as the only challengers to the Tag Team Titles, Rikishi vs. Albert and Test vs. Mark Henry looming and the regular “Vince gets a gorgeous woman” storyline. They’re starting to come around on top but the midcard and lower card are both death right now and that’s going to last for a long time until we get some new characters over. It’s a better show but they really need to fix some things.

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Impact Wrestling
Date: August 4, 2016
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero

This should be interesting as the taping schedule changes has reared its head again. Bound For Glory 2016 was originally scheduled for early September but since WWE has added a show on the same night, Bound For Glory has been moved forward a month. As a result, tonight’s Bound For Glory Playoff final is going to set up a two month build towards the pay per view. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the Bound For Glory Playoff.

Last week Drew Galloway was livid at Ethan Carter III and would say what he’s going to do to him but this video would be used as evidence.

Mike Bennett and Ethan are in the ring for a face to face chat before their match tonight. Bennett brings up Ethan hiding behind his aunt but Ethan says Mike isn’t fighting Aunt D. tonight. Mike didn’t need Ethan to come out there with a kendo stick last week because he could beat Galloway on his own.

The two of them are here to do this forever and Mike has already beaten the unbeatable and he knows he can do it again. No matter what Ethan can do, he’ll always be second best because Bennett is just flat out better. Bennett says he’s ready no matter what and here’s Moose for some intimidation. The beating is on and Carter is planted with a Sky High. Carter and Bennett just have mad chemistry together.

Eli Drake is ready to make James Storm cry in his beer.

We get another clip of Rosemary going insane and trying to get Bram to go to the barn.

King of the Mountain Title: Eli Drake vs. James Storm

Storm is challenging and has to give up beer, his music and basically his entire gimmick if he loses. In other words, Storm will be deleted, finally. It’s a brawl in the aisle to start with Drake taking him into the ring for a neckbreaker. A legdrop with Storm’s neck on the middle rope keeps him in trouble but James comes back with a spinebuster for two.

Drake continues to show off though by jumping to the top rope for a superplex, followed by a quick powerslam for two more. Dang I like this guy more and more every time I see him. Drake brings in the title belt but gets caught in the Eye of the Storm. Drake loads up the beer but it goes into the referee’s eyes, allowing Eli to hit James with the belt for two. Neither finisher can hit so Drake tries a springboard, only to dive into the Last Call to give Storm the title at 6:49.

Rating: C+. I really wouldn’t have expected to see Eli Drake do two Shelton Benjamin spots in a single match but the guy keeps surprising me. Storm almost had to win the title here as you don’t want to mess with a popular gimmick like his, especially at this point in his career. Good match here and I hope Drake is back soon.

Post match Lashley comes out as Storm celebrates. After a break, Lashley is in the ring with James to say they have the only singles titles in this company because they’re the best in the world. Storm likes the look of that TNA World Title because he had it five years ago. Lashley is a former NCAA Heavyweight Champion so Storm can probably beat him in about thirty seconds.

A challenge is issued and Storm says Lashley will hurt his hands from punching James’ face so many times. Lashley gives him a chance to hand over the title now so the beating doesn’t end Storm’s career but James is willing to fight at some point in the future. Dang it they’re going to have Lashley all the titles. I’ve never been a fan of that story and it’s been done too often in recent years.

Maria gives Gail Kim a match with Allie as part of her path to a Knockouts Title match.

Bram and Rosemary are in the barn with Rosemary getting very close to him.

Gail Kim vs. Allie

Allie looks terrified. Actually hang on as Maria comes out make it a handicap match.

Gail Kim vs. Allie/Sienna

Sienna takes her down and chokes with a boot before bringing Allie in, much to her own terror. It’s quickly back to Sienna for a wheelbarrow suplex but Allie can’t even handle a slam. Sienna is smart enough to drag Allie to the corner for a tag but Gail knocks Allie to the floor and starts his comeback. Allie comes back in for a distraction and Gail gets caught in the AK47 for two. Sienna hits the Silencer on Allie by mistake and Gail grabs a quick pin on Allie at 5:45.

Rating: D+. You could see the ending coming as soon as they announced Sienna but that’s not the worst thing in the world. On the other hand though, Gail being the challenger for the title at Bound For Glory is closer to being one of the worst things TNA could do for the belt right now. It’s just been done so many times now and the fact that she’s going into the Hall of Fame doesn’t make it any better. Gail isn’t interesting as a regular character, a veteran, or anything really for that matter. She’s certainly talented but that doesn’t make her interested.

Matt Hardy accuses Jeff Hardy of getting hurt and costing them the Tag Team Titles. True actually. Tonight, Matt is going to tell a story so Jeff can learn what to do next.

Next week: Lashley vs. Storm, winner take all.

Here’s Reby to introduce Matt, meaning it’s time for more loud screechy voices, a new found TNA trademark. Matt has Jeff come out so Reby can shout OBSOLETE over and over. We hear about the history of the Hardy Boyz with Jeff being described as a spot monkey. They won the TNA Tag Team Titles but Jeff got injured and betrayed his brother. That took money out of Matt’s pocket so it’s time to win the Tag Team Titles back for Matt’s financial benefit. Oh and Jeff isn’t allowed to jump off the top rope.

Jeff Hardy/Matt Hardy vs. JT Dunn/Chuck Taylor

Matt is staying on the floor to make this a handicap match. Taylor is a big name from the independents, primarily in Chikara. Dunn starts for the team but gets caught with a slingshot dropkick in the corner. The fans chant for Jeff as Matt keeps running his mouth on a mic about how Brother Nero is an obsolete mule.

Taylor comes in with an elbow drop and a seated abdominal stretch as Matt pulls a fan over the barricade and bites him to draw some blood. Jeff makes his comeback but JT blocks the Twist of Fate. Matt: “YOU BETTER NOT LOSE YOU DELETED OBSOLETE MULE!” Matt gets in the ring to block the Swanton but Jeff jumps over Matt anyway, only to take a Twist of Fate. With Jeff down, Matt tags himself in and pins Dunn at 6:24.

Rating: D. Hey, did you know that Matt is all wacky and insane and broken? I didn’t know if TNA had hammered it into your head enough yet so I thought I’d point it out again. It’s pretty clear that we’re heading for Jeff’s big win at Bound For Glory, even if it means stretching this feud out WAY beyond its expiration date.

Grado/Mahabali Shera vs. Tribunal/Al Snow

Yes again. Apparently Grado couldn’t hire Grado again because he spent all his money on Pokeballs. The numbers game has the bad guys in control to start with Grado’s clothesline having little effect. Snow takes Grado down as we get into a more standard match. We get some trash talk from the veteran to draw Shera in, causing the referee to miss Grado’s small package on Snow. The hot tag brings in Shera and he shrugs off the numbers advantage. Stereo powerslams plant the Tribunal and a Sky High ends Snow at 6:01.

Rating: D+. Again, this was a moderately interesting idea that TNA has no idea how to wrap up so they just keep going until it’s driven into the ground. The Tribunal could have been a nice midcard tag team but now they’re losing to goons like Shera and Grado long after this feud should have wrapped up.

Rosemary is still crazy. Bram tries to leave the barn but Rosemary holds him in place. He says everyone has had their heart broken and she needs to get over it. Rosemary starts screaming and Decay comes in to knock Bram out. Bram is thrown into the trunk of a car and Decay drives off, laughing maniacally along the way.

Video on EC3.

Bennett is ready for Carter.

Carter is ready for Bennett and says Mike can bring the whole wilderness to face him.

Tyrus is ready to fix your problems.

Bound For Glory Playoff Final: Mike Bennett vs. Ethan Carter III

No Moose in Bennett’s corner and Carter is coming in with bad ribs. Carter runs him over with a shoulder to start and works on the wristlock. A gorilla press drop looks to set up a splash but there’s no rocket fuel in the spaceship and Carter hits knees. Back from a break with Bennett in control and putting on an abdominal stretch. A spinebuster gets two on Carter but he grabs a rollup for the same. They slug it out with Bennett grabbing some rolling German suplexes, only to have Carter grab a sitout powerbomb for two.

Maria gets on the apron for a failed distraction so both guys head up top with a super cutter getting two on Ethan. More yelling earns Maria an ejection and the distraction means the 1%er only gets two. Cue Moose but Eddie Edwards takes him out, leaving Bennett to hit the MIP for two of his own. Both finishers are countered again until the 1%er hits again to give Ethan the title shot at 17:25.

Rating: B. These two just work together and this was another good match between them. Carter going to Bound For Glory is pretty much their only option, even though Carter vs. Lashley isn’t the most interesting main event in the world. That being said, I’m not sure what Bennett does unless they add he and Galloway to the title match.

Overall Rating: C+. This show was mostly good save for the first half of the second hour. There’s stuff on this show that works so well but at the other end of the spectrum their bad parts are just so dull. Bound For Glory looks good on top though it’s not entirely clear what they’re going with yet. Again: as long as the Hardys don’t main event, I’m perfectly fine with how most of the show is going. This week’s show was much better than recent weeks and I think a lot of it has to do with Matt and Jeff not dominating the first half hour. Amazing how that works no?

Results

James Storm b. Eli Drake – Last Call

Gail Kim b. Sienna/Allie – Gail pinned Allie after a Silencer from Sienna

Matt Hardy/Jeff Hardy b. JT Dunn/Chuck Taylor – Swanton Bomb to Dunn

Grado/Mahabali Shera b. Tribunal/Al Snow – Sky High to Snow

Ethan Carter III b. Mike Bennett – 1%er

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s WWE Grab Bag at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: June 28, 2016
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews

Things are getting interesting around here as there are only two more weeks until Smackdown moves to Tuesday nights, leaving Impact with an hour against a live WWE show with top names appearing every week. There has been no word on a time slot change or any major plans for what TNA might to do counteract this but I wouldn’t like their chances going head to head. Maybe we can get more Matt vs. Jeff out of this. Let’s get to it.

The opening recap looks at last week’s major events.

Mike Bennett and Maria are in the ring to open things up. Maria gloats that Dixie Carter is gone this week so she’s running the show. This brings us to the new X-Division Champion with Bennett saying he has a golden ticket. In two weeks, he gets to prove that he’s the best X-Division Champion of all time. Cue Lashley to say Bennett is half the man that he is and doesn’t want to go here. Bennett cuts a really good promo about how it doesn’t matter who he’s facing because he’s taking the title.

This brings out Ethan Carter III to say he’s ready to go tonight and thinks Bennett got where he is by sucking up to a rock star. A fight is ready to break out until Billy Corgan comes out to say he’s an icon elsewhere but he’s here to be a fair judicial observer. Carter says there’s an infinite amount of sadness (Smashing Pumpkins album) in this situation so Corgan makes an X-Division battle royal for tonight with the winner facing Bennett for the title later tonight. The brawl is on but Drew Galloway comes out for the save, only to hit the Claymore on Carter by mistake.

I really hate Destination X. The X Title isn’t mentioned by any main eventer all year and gets no time. Then some main eventer goes and wins it without much effort, uses it at the show and then drops the title back into obscurity for another eleven months. I don’t even consider this exposure for the title and the division because it really does come off like the main eventers are slumming with the belt and could take it anytime. How does that strengthen the division or the title?

Drew and Ethan argue over whether or not that kick was intentional.

Knockouts Title: Gail Kim vs. Sienna

Sienna is defending and Allie says it’s time to force Gail into retirement. Gail ducks a charge to start and gets two off a clothesline out of the corner. Sienna uses a Samoan Drop to break up a crucifix attempt and we hit the chinlock. Cue Jade to go after Allie but Jade comes out with her baton to knock Jade out. Sienna hits a Pounce (the Silencer) to retain at 3:15.

Rating: D. This was your weekly Gail Kim praise period as most of the match was about how awesome she is for going into the Hall of Fame. Kurt Angle wasn’t praised this much and it’s getting a little annoying to hear every single week. I’m sure she’ll get the belt back at Bound For Glory in the big feel good moment because she’s a pioneer (who is still here) and we can’t let the division go on without her.

Matt is wheeled in (in a chair with wheels as he calls it) and says, in what sounds like a thicker accent, that he’s broken but the war with Brother Nero will never end. I’m sure it won’t, but that won’t stop TNA from billing every match as the biggest one yet and possibly the last every single time.

Bennett and Galloway run into each other in the back with Mike saying he can beat the entire X-Division one after another. Drew says be careful what you say because those guys are great. They compare who has beaten who with Drew saying he’s actually won the World Title.

It’s time for Fact of Life with Eli Drake with Eli popping up from behind his podium. Drake: “When I say dummy, you say yeah. Dummy!” Crowd: “YEAH!” Drake: “I wasn’t talking to you!” He talks about going home for a dinner with his father and some friends. Apparently the Drakes are famous for their mashed potatoes and the beatings they give people and Eli does them both better than anyone.

Tonight’s guest is James Storm, who actually walks to the ring for once. Storm calls him Eli Dork and starts an ELI DRAKE DUMMY chant. Drake hits the button a lot so Storm says let’s make it a drinking game. That’s fine with Drake who pulls out a jug of water, earning himself a round of boos. Drake: “You’re gonna boo WATER?” This is the greatest talk show host ever and Drake wants to know where Storm’s title is.

Storm thinks we should change this game to him slapping Drake every time he hits the button. That’s enough for Drake who cuts the interview short and tells Storm to take his stupid beer with him. Drake wraps it up and eats the Last Call. This went a bit long but Drake was great as usual and Storm as a challenger is fine.

Jeff Hardy will meet his brother in the ring tonight face to face. They can’t go a single week without these two doing something???

We get a graphic labeled “earlier tonight” of a beatdown from last week with Decay destroying Bram.

Rosemary sits on Bram’s lap and says everyone comes to decay eventually so just let it happen.

Here’s Matt in his wheelchair with Reby pushing him around. He wants to be wheeled around the ring so he can look into the eyes of everyone that has put him in this place. The fans want Jeff so Matt yells about how he’s been broken all over this place. He wants Jeff out here to look him in the face and that’s exactly what he gets after a break. Matt says he wants this to be over but promises to never stop pursuing Jeff until he gets what he needs, which is one win.

Give him six weeks and he’ll be ready for their final battle. Matt wants to raise the stakes and make it for the Hardy name. Didn’t we do this one already? Reby freaks out for no apparent reason so Jeff tells her to get on her broom and fly away. More screeching ensues so Matt jumps out of the chair and destroys Jeff, because selling injuries off a big cage match isn’t a thing around here. Matt hits him with a chair and wraps it around Jeff’s neck for a Twist of Hate. The final match is in one week…..at Matt’s house. Matt keeps saying it will be the final deletion.

Battle Royal

Eddie Edwards, Braxton Sutter, Trevor Lee, Rockstar Spud, Andrew Everett, DJZ, Mandrews

The winner gets a title shot tonight with Mike Bennett and Maria on commentary. Only Edwards gets an entrance so it’s kind of hard to tell who all is in this. Spud is eliminated early and Mandrews eats a forearm from Lee, allowing Everett to put him out. Eddie hurricanranas Lee and Everett at the same time as Bennett lists off some luchadors that trained him, such as El Flippy.

DJZ is sent out and we’re down to four with Sutter, Everett, Edwards and Lee. Everett and Edwards wind up on the apron as Bennett gets off commentary. Bennett grabs Eddie’s foot so Lee can knock him out. We get some heel miscommunication and Sutter knocks both of them out for the title shot at 4:55.

Rating: D. I’ve never been a fan of these nothing battle royals with almost no one involved as they make the division look so worthless. This was a bunch of people who are lucky to get a match every few weeks with a guy who has had all of three matches in the company getting the win. Have a regular match or something but find a way to make them more entertaining.

Post match the Helms Dynasty beats Sutter down and Bennett is ready to go.

X-Division Title: Mike Bennett vs. Braxton Sutter

Bennett is defending and walks around for about a minute to start. A small package gives Braxton two but the Miracle in Progress retains Bennett’s title at 1:12.

Grado and Mahabali Shera have a third man to face Al Snow and Tribunal. It’s like that match in 1996 where people are wondering who the third man is.

Al Snow/Tribunal vs. Mahabali Shera/Grado/???

Can anyone tell me why the Tribunal is two people and Al Snow is a separate entity? Grado and Shera get jumped before the third man comes out and it’s…..Tyrus. Eh I’ve heard of worse ideas. Shera slams Baraka to start before it’s off to Snow, with the whistle, to pound on Grado. The beating doesn’t last long as Tyrus comes in to clean house. Baraka dives at him and gets caught in a World’s Strongest Slam for the pin at 2:57. The Tribunal had some promise at first and now they’re about where I expected them to wind up.

Bennett says that was a ten star match and he’s cashing in next week before anything else can happen.

TNA World Title: Ethan Carter III vs. Drew Galloway vs. Lashley

Lashley is defending. We start after a break because adding another four minutes to the match time tonight is out of the question. Lashley tells them both to bring it to start but Drew and Ethan get in an argument after taking him down. It breaks down into your regular triple threat with Lashley cleaning house until the challengers start double teaming him.

A double suplex is almost broken up through pure power so they just throw Lashley down instead. Lashley is knocked outside so the other two can chop it out with Carter getting the better of it. The 1%er is countered into the Future Shock but Lashley runs in for the save at two. A spinebuster gets two on Galloway but Ethan can’t hit the TK3 on the champ. The Claymore hits Ethan by mistake, setting up back to back spears to retain Lashley’s title at 9:03.

Rating: C+. I’m so glad they gave this the time it deserved after all the build it received in that whole week they gave it to set up. The match was entertaining enough while it lasted, but those last three words are the key. They didn’t even get ten minutes for a major title match like this and for what? So Al Snow could have a few minutes in the ring? Really? I’m curious to see where they’re going with Lashley now, other than presumably Bennett and then the likely showdown with Jeff Hardy.

Overall Rating: D. This was TNA in a nutshell: less than twenty two minutes of wrestling in two hours, ANOTHER Matt vs. Jeff match was made, the X-Division was patted on the head and told “aw you’re cute, now let the big boys have your title” and Al Snow gets a match because there was no one else around to give that character to. Oh and let’s praise Gail Kim because we haven’t this week.

I couldn’t stand this show and it’s going to get even better when they have Dixie Carter come back to talk about how serious everything is next week. There’s some good stuff around here but there are SO many problems dragging the rest of the show down and next week it’s back to Hardyville for whatever Matt’s latest genius idea will be.

Results

Sienna b. Gail Kim – Silencer

Braxton Sutter won a battle royal last eliminating Andrew Everett and Trevor Lee

Mike Bennett b. Braxton Sutter – Miracle in Progress

Grado/Mahabali Shera/Tyrus b. Al Snow/Tribunal – World’s Strongest Slam to Baraka

Lashley b. Drew Galloway and Ethan Carter III – Spear to Carter

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on NXT: The Full Sail Years Volume II at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01FWZZ2UA

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Impact Wrestling
Date: May 31, 2016
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: D’Angelo Dinero, Josh Matthews

We’re getting closer to Slammiversary and the card is set for the most part. After last wee’s Hardy centric episode, tonight is about the World Title as Lashley and Drew Galloway get to choose each other’s opponents in a Pick Your Poison series. Other than that it should be interesting to see what gets some focus heading into the pay per view. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week’s show, mainly focusing on Matt Hardy.

Dixie Carter is putting a mystery man in charge tonight.

Here are Mike Bennett and Maria Kanellis (hokey smoke) to open things up. Mike knows that he’s not in charge because he didn’t hear from Dixie on AOL Instant Messenger or MySpace so he wants the boss to get out here right now. Of course it’s Ethan Carter III and Bennett freezes. Ethan thinks Mike should have the night off tonight and Bennett doesn’t seem to mind.

Actually what Ethan meant was a night off from wrestling because Mike will be cleaning the toilets all night. Maria freaks out but Ethan tells her to put a sock in it. Apparently she’s gotten on management’s nerves so tonight Ethan is reviewing her decisions to see if she’s fired. Bennett threatens violence but Ethan throws them out anyway. Now it’s time for Lashley, who teases a fight with Ethan but just wants to talk about Pick Your Poison with Drew Galloway. This brings out Galloway as we take a break.

We come back to see Ethan showing Mike the toilets he’s in charge of and apparently there’s quite the stench.

Back in the arena, Drew introduces Lashley’s opponent.

Bram vs. Lashley

Non-title. Bram hammers away to start but Lashley pounds him down and takes it to the floor with Bram being sent into the barricade. Lashley takes too much time messing with his headband though and Bram comes back with a few shots to the face. The Brighter Side of Suffering is broken up so Lashley catches him with a spinebuster. Some clotheslines look to set up the spear but instead Lashley heads outside for a chair and that’s a DQ at 6:19.

Rating: D+. This is a match that could have been something interesting but instead it’s a champion looking like a second rate loser. Bram is someone who could be an important talent going forward but why go with that when you can push someone else in his place? At least it wasn’t a clean pin though.

Post match Lashley spears Bram a few times until Galloway comes out for the save with a chair. Cue Eli Drake with his briefcase and you know what’s going on.

King of the Mountain Title: Bram vs. Eli Drake

Bram is defending and kicks out at two at the bell. They slug it out in the corner until Drake hits a knee to the face and clothesline for the pin and the title at 1:01.

Raquel’s latest lesson to the BroMans is to focus, which in this case means watching her walk around the pool in a swimsuit.

Mike Bennett is still cleaning toilets when Earl Hebner walks out of a stall. After a bit of swearing, Bennett is now a referee.

Drake drinks champagne and abuses people backstage.

We go to the Hardy Family Estate where Matt has invited Jeff for the contract signing.

BroMans vs. Tyrus/Rockstar Spud

Bennett is referee and the winners here get a title shot at Slammiversary. Robbie punches Spud to start and it’s off to Tyrus without a tag but Bennett says it’s fine. Jesse gets beaten down by both villains as the announcers talk about how Tyrus and Spud have nothing to do without Matt Hardy being around. A Raquel distraction lets Jesse come in and beat up Spud, setting up the BroDown. The Adonis Lock makes Spud tap at 4:03.

Rating: D+. I can’t imagine they give the BroMans the titles at Slammiversary, even with the good looking manager. Tyrus and Spud being all depressed without Matt around is a really stupid story and doesn’t fit Tyrus whatsoever, but that’s never been a major issue for TNA so I doubt it’s going to change here.

Maria, in a different outfit, is on the phone with Billy Corgan about how Ethan is screwing this place up. Ethan comes up and hangs up the phone. They’re about to head to the ring where he’ll settle this whole ordeal between Gail and Maria.

Clip of Jeff Hardy driving his motorcycle to Matt’s estate.

Ethan is in the ring as Maria, Allie and Sienna come down. The other two (Girl A and Girl B according to Ethan) are asked to leave as Ethan brings Gail Kim down. The result is going to be a match between the two of them at Slammiversary, which is what Gail has wanted from the beginning. As for tonight though, Gail has a partner and since Maria has two women on her team, we’ll have a tag match right now.

Gail Kim/Jade vs. Sienna/Allie

Allie screeches a lot as Gail and Sienna slug it out to start. A shot from Allie lets Sienna take over as the screeching continues. Sienna and Allie hit a double slam on Gail for two before it’s off to Jade to kick Sienna down. A missile dropkick gets two on Sienna but Allie tags herself in and tries to talk her way out of getting beaten up. That earns her forearms and a kick to the head as Sienna comes back in, only to Eats Defeat, followed by Jade package piledriving Allie in the face for the pin at 5:17.

Rating: D. Allie’s screaming is a big detraction here but this continues the theme of “let’s have good looking women on the show.” I know the Knockouts are a big deal but tonight has been a lot more about making the women into eye candy, with Allie’s short skirt here being a prime example.

We go back to the estate where Matt is playing the piano when Jeff comes in. Matt talks about this place being their genesis and walks away.

Back in the arena, Bennett freaks out on Ethan because he’s not a janitor or a referee. Bennett: “And my wife isn’t a wrestler.” Ethan gives him a match tonight and hopefully his opponent is sober.

James Storm vs. Mike Bennett

Joined in progress with Bennett in street clothes and getting two off a clothesline. We’re already off to a chinlock for a bit before Storm makes his comeback with right hands and clotheslines. Storm hits the Eye of the Storm and looks to set up the Last Call but Maria distracts him with a beer. Somehow this works on a former World Champion and a slap to the face lets Bennett grab a rollup for the pin at 5:55.

Rating: D+. This didn’t have time to go anywhere and since there was no real reason for them to be fighting it was a pretty worthless six minutes. It also doesn’t help that a former World Champion is easily pinned by a slap and rollup but they had to come up with some way out of this for Bennett.

Post match Ethan says he’s coming for Bennett at Slammiversary.

Here’s Al Snow to a BORING chant to talk about how he’s looking for talent over in England. This brings out Baron Dax and Basile Baraka (Marcus Louis and Sylvester LeFort), now collectively known as the Tribunal. Both of them talk about how they’re bringing talent and class back to wrestling. Snow yells about wanting to get rid of weapons unlike Grado, who he beat with a single wrestling move last week.

We see him pinning Grado after a Snow Plow, but here are Grado and Mahabali Shera to show us the full footage, including Snow using a trashcan lid. Snow goes off about how kids these days can doctor footage on any computer. Somehow parents are brought into this and Snow says Shera’s mom loves him. The fight is on and Snow hits Grado and Shera with a chair so the beatdown can be on.

Braxton Sutter (Pepper Parks) talks about how most people get their big break earlier but the day he was offered a contract was one of the best days of his life. He doesn’t have a story of when he started watching wrestling because it’s always been there for him. His goal is to be World Heavyweight Champion and he’ll start anywhere. This was a serious speech but had some emotion to it in a nice moment.

We run down the pay per view card.

Back to the Hardy estate where Matt says this must all end where it began. Jeff follows him into a barn where there’s a ring set up. Josh says stay tuned to find out if the match was signed. I’m sure that’s why they just advertised it on the pay per view rundown.

Lashley comes out to announce Drew’s opponent.

Drew Galloway vs. Decay

As in all three members. Drew fights both men at the same time but can’t bring himself to punch Rosemary. That allows the numbers game to take over with Drew being sent to the floor for a big beatdown, including a whip head first into the post. Back inside and the guys take turns hitting Drew in the face until Galloway starts his comeback. Rosemary comes in and almost eats the Futureshock. The Claymore is caught in a chokeslam for two so it’s Janice time. Cue Lashley to spear Abyss by mistake, allowing Galloway to Claymore and Futureshock Steve for the pin at 6:21.

Rating: D+. So Decay is off TV for weeks and then comes back to get beaten in a handicap match? No it wasn’t clean but you couldn’t drag out any two heels for this to work? Or have Lashley knock/choke Drew out for the pin? No apparently the best they have is Drew going over all of them at once because that’s how TNA thinks.

Enough of the World Title though as it’s time to go back to the Hardys. Matt says this must end where it all began, which apparently is the ring in the barn. Jeff goes to get in but Matt rolls outside to a small table. Jeff wants this to end but here’s Reby to throw a fake baby at him. Matt hits Jeff with something made of glass and gives him a Side Effect (IN FREAKING SLOW MOTION) through the table. Matt promises that this will end at Slammiversary.

Overall Rating: D. While still not good, this was WAY better than last week as they actually didn’t focus on just Matt vs. Jeff. This week it was about all three big stories but unfortunately we now have to sit around and watch Matt praise his own brilliance or whatever it is that he’s doing now because no one in TNA will ever tell him no. The rest of the show was more watchable due to more wrestling and less stupid talking but it still was a pretty boring show as TNA runs through what could have been weeks of stories in a night because they don’t have the roster to make anything else work.

Results

Bram b. Lashley via DQ when Lashley used a chair

Eli Drake b. Bram – Clothesline

BroMans b. Rockstar Spud/Tyrus – Adonis Lock to Spud

Gail Kim/Jade b. Sienna/Allie – Package piledriver to Allie

Mike Bennett b. James Storm – Rollup

Drew Galloway b. Decay – Futureshock to Steve

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on NXT: The Full Sail Years Volume II at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01FWZZ2UA

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Impact Wrestling
Date: May 24, 2016
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero

It’s a big show tonight with May Mayhem, meaning things are a bit more violent than the regular shows. As you might guess, this is a show that was announced a week ago with almost no other build. The big match tonight is Matt Hardy vs. Ethan Carter III as Carter tries to get his rematch with Mike Bennett. Let’s get to it.

The opening video focuses on everything we’re getting to see tonight.

Here’s Matt Hardy for a chat before his match with Ethan. Matt now has half black and half white hair (divided down the middle) which looks like Bozo the Clown’s. Before the match Matt talks about how he has evolved into something more dangerous. He sees this match as nothing more than a warmup for his match with Jeff at Slammiversary.

With something like a weak British accent, Matt says he has a contract for the match with his brother Nero, which brings out Rockstar Spud and Tyrus. Spud says he’s dedicated his life to Matt Hardy. Matt: “As you should.” That accent is REALLY weird and comes off like Matt trying to be all intelligent and brilliant and it’s really just creepy.

Spud blames the fans for this going too far but Tyrus really doesn’t care. Matt says it’s ok to say he looks like a psychotic lunatic. He has a deal for Nero tonight: if Nero can beat Spud and Tyrus in a ladder match, there will be a match between the brothers at Slammiversary. If Jeff loses though, there’s no match. Also if Jeff wins, Spud and Tyrus are done associating with Matt. This felt like someone shouting LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME and trying to be all interesting but coming off as a guy who is more sad than anything else. As usual, Matt is in over his head and is nowhere near as brilliant as he thinks he is.

Ethan Carter III vs. Matt Hardy

Matt pounds away in the corner as we hear about how amazing a transformation he’s undergone to become this lunatic. Carter charges into a boot to the face and gets elbowed in the jaw to keep him down. A bulldog out of the corner gets two for Matt and he whips Carter into the corner.

The slow pace continues with a legdrop until Carter comes back with a jawbreaker, only to miss a splash in the corner. Here’s Mike Bennett to watch as Matt gets two off a Side Effect. The Twist of Fate is countered into a cobra clutch but Bennett comes in for the DQ at 6:40. The stipulation said that Carter had to win by pin/submission to get his shot so Ethan gets nothing.

Rating: D+. Can we take up a collection to get rid of Matt Hardy? Like, how much would it cost for us to never have to sit through one of his speeches or matches again? His character is confusing/stupid, his promos are annoying, he gets WAY too much TV time and his matches aren’t even good. What are he and Jeff going to do at Slammiversary? Jump off something really high like they’ve done for nearly twenty years? I’m sure TNA fans will call it brilliant but this is moving into Hogan/Flair levels of sad.

Mike lays Carter out post match and says that he has failed. There will be no rematch at Slammiversary.

Post break Bennett says what he just did was art and you don’t have to explain art. A few weeks ago he had a vision for EC3’s Road to Redemption. Well now Ethan has failed because he didn’t get the job done, meaning no match at Slammiversary. This was just repeating what was said earlier.

Here’s Allie to introduce Maria for a speech. Maria talks about how she’s taking over the new future for the Knockouts and Velvet Sky is part of the past. This brings out Gail Kim, who says Maria manipulated her way to the top of the division. They argue over Velvet being fired with Maria saying she put on her boots just like Gail told her to and she attained power. Gail offers to beat her up right now but Maria threatens to have her fired. This results in Gail being put in a match with her career on the line, which brings in Sienna for a cheap shot from behind. Who is actually begging to see Gail vs. Maria in a straight match?

Grado promises Mahabali Shera that he’ll take care of Al Snow tonight. Grado has a chain wrapped around his fist while Shera eats what looks like a drumstick.

The BroMans call each other from about a foot away. Robbie thinks they need to move up a few levels while Jesse keeps stopping to talk to people. Apparently Robbie has found them a guru to take it to another level. A woman comes up to point out that they’re right next to each other and Robbie blames Jesse for not paying attention.

Gail rants about how angry she is.

We recap Al Snow vs. Grado in your standard “I’m old and grizzled and you’re not serious enough” feud. Snow claims to be a pure athlete and keeps cheating to win matches.

Al Snow vs. Grado

Street fight. Before the match, Snow asks if the fans want violence, chairs and tables. Well even if they do, they’re not going to get it because he’s a wrestler. Snow: “I’m your mom’s favorite wrestler!” Naturally he hides behind the set and jumps Grado from behind to start things off. The bell hasn’t rung yet as Snow slams Grado’s hand into the steps. They head inside for the bell with Snow slamming him down but missing the moonsault.

Snow’s powder is thrown back into his face as Shera brings in a trashcan full of weapons. Grado spanks him with a cookie sheet and it’s time for the drumstick (as in a bone with meat on it) for a low blow. A chain punch hits Grado in the jaw but here are two newcomers (NXT’s Marcus Louis and Sylvester LeFort) to pull the referee out. The distraction lets Snow hit the Snow Plow for the pin at 3:39.

Rating: D-. Yes this is continuing and Snow is going to have a stable. This really does feel like it’s 1999 but for some reason we’re getting an Al Snow win instead of any…..you know what? I don’t care. We’re reaching the point with TNA where I can’t even get mad about it anymore. This is what we’re stuck with because of all the people they have on their roster, it’s best to have Al Snow do this instead of ANYONE else.

I’m so sorry that TNA has no money because no one watches their shows and they’re stuck on a third rate network with no audience but it’s the kind of nonsense like pushing Matt Hardy as some psycho genius for the “real” main event of Slammiversary against his brother because Darlin Dixie is too thickheaded to realize that this nonsense doesn’t draw a thing anymore. This match and this show are such a waste of time anymore and they have no one to blame but themselves.

Matt Hardy (of course) is sitting in the dark when Reby comes in to ask what’s wrong. We get another monologue about how Matt needs to get rid of Nero for his life to continue. Reby talks about how he’s alienating everyone but Matt doesn’t care because it’s all about Nero.

Jeremy Borash is in the ring to talk about the end of last week’s show when Lashley interrupts. Lashley rants about how many fights he’s had without twenty idiots interrupting but here’s Drew Galloway to cut him off. Drew says Lashley can lay claim to being the only real fighter on the roster but he’ll stick to the title of World Heavyweight Champion. Last week he saw fear in Lashley’s eyes but Lashley doesn’t want to hear it.

Drew comes to the ring for a fight but Dixie Carter comes out to say this is ridiculous. Yeah we need to cut out this action on a wrestling show. I for one would love another Matt Hardy monologue right about now. Dixie makes the rematch for Slammiversary with only submissions or knockouts for the win. If I’m Drew, I’d be rather ticked off by that but of course he’s fine with everything.

Lashley calls him out and the fight is on again with Drew hitting a Claymore and pounding away. Security’s intervention only slows Drew down, allowing Lashley to get in a spear and hammer away. A referee gets speared and Lashley chokes Drew out with a belt. Lashley isn’t done yet and takes off his shirt but does nothing.

X-Division Title: Andrew Everett vs. Eddie Edwards vs. DJZ vs. Trevor Lee

Lee is defending and this is Ultimate X with the belt hung at the intersection of two cables. The first person to climb up and pull it down is champion. We come back from a break after Eddie’s entrance with the rest of the entrances because we haven’t wasted enough time on this show yet. Shane helms is out with Lee and Everett, who are introduced as a team. Eddie dives over the top to take out Everett before the bell rings.

It’s a huge brawl to start of course until Everett dropkicks everyone down and goes for the belt, only to have Lee pull him down and swear a bit. Helms tells his boys to calm down and Everett lets Lee get on his shoulders to help him get tot he belt. Eddie and DJZ come in for the save (why this isn’t a tag match and non-title is beyond me) with DJZ elbowing both heels in the jaw.

Edwards hurricanranas both of them down at the same time but Lee knees him in the face. DJZ pops up and rolls forward into a DDT on Trevor to knock the champ silly. Eddie goes up and pulls down the title, only to have Shane distract the referee so Trevor can steal the belt to retain at 5:59.

Rating: D. I mean, why wait and have the big gimmick match at Slammiversary when you can have it here in a nothing match that doesn’t even last six minutes and somehow includes a false finish? It’s nice of them to throw a bone to the X-Division but the title is still having the same issues that everything else does: not enough focus because other big stories get the time, stories that just keep going because there’s nothing else going on, and of course and older guy who is treated as being above the current stars.

Maria has chosen Sienna to take out Gail Kim by ripping out her heart.

Ethan talks about playing rigged games all his life. There is no honor in what Bennett did but the rematch is going to happen no matter what. Ethan is about to make a phone call he’s going to regret. Bennett was comparing himself to artists but those people had a life’s work. After Ethan is done, Mike isn’t even going to have a life. As usual, really good stuff here from Ethan as he kept it simple and responded to everything Mike said while advancing the story.

Sienna vs. Gail Kim

Allie and Maria are at ringside and Gail’s career is on the line. Sienna jumps Gail from behind but gets knocked away, allowing Gail to hit a quick high cross body for two. A hurricanrana takes both of them outside but Maria helps Sienna up, allowing her to send Gail into the barricade. Back in and a Samoan drop gets two for Sienna but Gail comes back with a reverse DDT. Maria shoves Gail off the ropes, only to have her reverse the spinning faceplant into a sunset flip to pin Sienna at 4:13.

Rating: C-. That’s about as good as a four minute match with two people interfering is going to get. I know the end game of this is Gail vs. Maria but how is that going to be anything other than a squash or Gail having to slow things WAY down to make the match work? The story makes sense here but it’s asking us to be interested in Gail Kim which just isn’t going to happen.

Sienna drops Gail post match and Maria pounds away.

Rockstar Spud begs Tyrus to win tonight for Matt’s sake. Reby comes in and says do it for her sake because Matt is insane over this Jeff stuff. Spud says having Matt back to normal is worth anything.

The BroMans go to meet their guru and it’s….actually a woman, who has purple hair and is in great shape. Her name is Raquel (Gabi from last year’s Tough Enough) and apparently she’s the guru they’ve been looking for. After a hard workout, she says she’ll see them in the pool.

Lashley and Drew Galloway will pick each other’s opponents next week.

Rockstar Spud/Tyrus vs. Jeff Hardy

Ladder match. If Jeff wins, he faces Matt at Slammiversary in a Full Metal Mayhem match and Spud/Tyrus are done associating with Matt. If Jeff loses, there’s no match and Matt is happy anyway. Jeff hands out what looks like CDs during his entrance, which is actually not a horrible idea. Spud jumps Jeff before the bell (because we haven’t seen that tonight) but Tyrus posts himself and gets a chair thrown at his back. Jeff throws in a ladder and we go to a break without the match actually starting.

The match is joined in progress with Tyrus pulling a ladder to send Jeff throat first into the ropes. A legdrop between Jeff’s legs should allow Tyrus to just sit on him so Spud can climb but instead Tyrus picks him up. Spud drops a top rope elbow and goes to get a ladder as Tyrus lifts Jeff up again.

Tyrus splashes Spud by mistake but Jeff can’t follow up. Spud is sent out to the floor and Tyrus tries to climb, only to be too heavy and break the rungs. Jeff laughs at him as Spud comes back in, only to have Tyrus get knocked outside. Spud goes up but gets caught in a Twist of Fate onto the top of the ladder, allowing Jeff to pull down the contract at 5:10.

Rating: F. A five minute ladder match with Tyrus being entirely stupid (just sit on him man) and an obvious ending.

Overall Rating: D-. If Slammiversary isn’t an upgrade (read as the Hardys don’t main event for one thing), I’m taking a break from this company. I’ve sat through years of this place’s nonsense but it’s never been so much of an effort to stick with them. This company has just never learned and it’s the same problem time after time: too much of a focus on stories with only short term value and far less importance being placed on things that could help them.

In other words, I’ve had it with Matt vs. Jeff. This feud has gone on forever (dating back to their WWE days) and TNA doesn’t understand that there is nothing to gain from these two fighting each other. They’ve taken over the show and pushed things like the World Title and the legitimately great Carter vs. Bennett feud (one of the only reasons I’m sticking around) so Matt can be a crazy genius or whatever moniker he’s giving himself this week.

TNA is never going to get entirely better but the least I can ask is for them to be watchable. I’ve given TNA my patience, my time and my money but I’ve had enough. This show had less than twenty six minutes of wrestling in two hours and nearly twelve of those were Matt and Jeff matches. If that’s what TNA cares about, I’m not going to be around to watch them screw this place up even more. I’m not flat out quitting but if Slammiversary isn’t at least a decent show (and I’ll be flexible with that), I’m done.

Results

Ethan Carter III b. Matt Hardy via DQ when Mike Bennett interfered

Al Snow b. Grado – Snow Plow

Trevor Lee b. Eddie Edwards, Andrew Everett and DJZ – Lee pulled down the title

Gail Kim b. Sienna – Sunset flip

Jeff Hardy b. Tyrus/Rockstar Spud – Jeff pulled down the contract

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on NXT: The Full Sail Years Volume II at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01FWZZ2UA

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6