Smackdown
Date: January 9, 2003
Location: Tuscon Convention Center, Tuscon, Arizona
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re getting closer to the Royal Rumble and tonight we’ll be finding out the fifteen Smackdown names in the match. Other than that though, we’re still building to Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle for Angle’s Smackdown World Title. It’s hard to say how they’ll build to that but given the show we’re on, I have a feeling tag matches are in store. Let’s get to it.

The opening recap looks at Paul Heyman challenging Brock Lesnar for a Royal Rumble match against Big Show. This resulted in Matt Hardy and Shannon Moore being massacred.

Opening sequence.

Big Show vs. Rikishi

Show towers over Rikishi, which Cole seems to think is impressive. I don’t remember anyone ever accusing Rikishi of being overly tall so as usual, Cole seems to be babbling about nothing important. Rikishi actually knocks Show down to his knee but makes the mistake of trying a slam. A big boot gives Show two and we hit a very long abdominal stretch until Show gets caught holding the ropes. Show hits a clothesline and the chokeslam is good for the pin.

Rating: D. They actually did something right with the booking here as while they did spend weeks having Rikishi go over John Cena and Bull Buchanan, Cena did get the pin last week and now Show gets to pin him. I’m not sure I would have had Rikishi beat Cena and Buchanan down after every match but he’s losing when he needs to be losing, which is what matters most.

Heyman promises to teach Lesnar a lesson by the end of the night.

John Cena vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

Cena raps about how he doesn’t like Chavo for various Mexican stereotypes, including getting mild sauce at Taco Bell and illegal immigration. That would warrant an official public apology today. Or given how Vince likes Trump, a major push. Chavo grabs a headscissors to start and Cena gets knocked out to the floor in a heap.

Back in and a belly to back suplex makes things even worse so Cena blasts him with the hard clothesline. Buchanan gets in a shot to the head so Eddie goes after him and fights off Cena for good measure. That means a dive from Chavo onto both guys and here are the referees to eject Eddie. Back in and Cena heads up top, only to get superplexed for two. Chavo tries a sunset flip but Cena drops down and grabs the rope for the pin.

Rating: C-. This was ALL about Chavo here as Cena was only doing a few spots here and there in between all the shenanigans on the floor. At the end of the day though, Cena won the match and that’s where the future seems to be going. That being said, Los Guerreros have been turned face (at least in this match) and there was a lot more steam in their heel run. At least it was great while it lasted.

We recap last week’s wedding with Al Wilson missing most of his clothes.

And now, to the honeymoon suite with Dawn in lingerie, saying she’s exhausted. Al is an animal you see.

Raw Retro: Austin and the beer truck.

Matt Hardy vs. Billy Kidman

Matt, who has a heated toilet seat and likes pulp in his orange juice, isn’t getting a title shot because he’s over the cruiserweight limit. Well that and Kidman NEVER DEFENDS THE CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE. A headscissors and dropkick have Matt in trouble to start and suggests that Kidman was watching the previous match. Matt bends his neck across the rope and Shannon’s interference lets the Ricochet (suplex into a side slam) get two.

We hit a sleeper exchange until Kidman grabs a Bodog for a breather. Matt is sent outside next to Shannon so Kidman hits a shooting star onto both of them with his head slamming into Shannon’s. Back in and Matt grabs a Side Effect for two but the middle rope legdrop misses. Matt gets rammed into the little MF’er and Kidman’s rollup is good for the pin.

Rating: C+. That shooting star to the floor looked great and it’s nice to see Kidman getting a win. The cruiserweight division is such a disaster at this point that there’s no much that can be done for it without bringing in some fresh talent. Would it really hurt them to try having Shannon in there? Have him win the title and see Matt freak out because Moore has a title and he doesn’t?

Post match Matt says that was an accident and asks for a round of applause for Shannon.

Lesnar is here.

Edge was in Seattle to get ready for the start of Wrestlemania ticket sales.

Torrie Wilson calls last week’s wedding disgusting and tasteless. Dawn vs. Torrie is confirmed for the first ever Stepmother vs. Stepdaughter match. Josh describes this as a Cinderella story. Torrie says that if there was a glass slipper……”Well, where I plan to put it, it won’t fit!”. I would pay so much to see the pitches about keeping this story going. Other than Vince laughing at it, how could it possibly continue?

Tajiri vs. Jamie Noble

Thankfully it’s not a headscissors into a dropkick this time as Jamie forearms him in the back instead. The Tarantula is broken up and Noble drops him onto the barricade instead. Back in and Noble starts in on the arm instead of Tajiri’s bad ankle. Tajiri fights out of a top wristlock and kicks at the ribs before rolling Noble all the way around into a sunset flip for two.

A great looking German suplex gives Tajiri two and the handspring elbow is good for the same. Jamie is right back up with the Trailer Hitch (a complicated leglock that looked great) but a rope is quickly grabbed. The leg is fine enough for the Tarantula, followed by a superkick to knock Noble out of the air. The Buzzsaw Kick puts Noble away.

Rating: B. They were WORKING here and continue to show why they should both be near the Cruiserweight Title instead of having a meaningless (yet awesome) match here. That’s quite the five minute performance and Tajiri’s kicks look as good as ever. Noble had something with that Trailer Hitch but he almost never used it. Either of these two against Kidman would be fine.

Angle fires up his team.

Nathan Jones is coming soon. He’d be leaving just as fast, though the video made him look interesting.

Charlie Haas vs. Edge

I like the fact that they’re having Haas and Benjamin wrestle singles matches instead of just teaming together. Making them feel like threats on their own can make them all the better as a team. The bell rings and here’s Chris Benoit to cancel out Angle and Benjamin. Charlie takes him down to start and easily throws Edge off for trying a hold of his own. A drop toehold into an armbar works a bit better for Edge and the half nelson facebuster is good for two.

Back up and Haas grabs a belly to belly for two before grabbing a double arm crank. A German suplex gives Charlie two more as Angle is playing a great cheerleader on the floor. Unfortunately he’s too busy cheering to tell Charlie about Edge grabbing a belly to belly of his own to put both guys down.

The Edge-o-Matic is good for two and the flapjack makes things even worse. Benoit goes after Angle for some reason so Shelton superkicks him down. The spear drops Charlie but Angle makes the save at two. Kurt isn’t done as he hits Edge in the back with a crutch, setting up an exploder suplex (without much explosion) to give Haas the pin.

Rating: C+. Even if Haas doesn’t get another win for a good while, now he’s got this one which is all he needs to do to get over in the early going. Haas and Benjamin are going to be fine when they start doing regular tag matches and there’s nothing wrong with that. It helps that Charlie has been in developmental for so long because he’s already solid in the ring. Imagine that: developmental getting you ready for the main roster.

Benoit grabs the mic and says time is running out on Angle because he’s tapping at the Royal Rumble. Since Kurt is still injured, send Benjamin down here RIGHT NOW.

Chris Benoit vs. Shelton Benjamin

Everyone else has been sent to the back. This was scheduled for later but the challenge was still good. They hit the mat to start and Benoit grabs an armdrag, which seems to fluster Benjamin. A very early Crossface attempt sends Benjamin to the ropes and it’s back to another standoff. They head outside with Shelton sending him back first into the barricade for two.

We hit the reverse chinlock for a bit, followed a northern lights suplex for two more. The comeback starts in a hurry with a clothesline into the rolling German suplexes to knock Shelton silly. The Swan Dive sets up the Crossface but here’s Angle with the other crutch for the DQ.

Rating: C. That’s the best option they had here as you don’t want the #1 contender losing but you also don’t want Shelton to lose his singles debut. It’s almost like they’ve started thinking this booking through instead of having everyone pin everyone until it doesn’t matter anymore.

Angle gets Crossfaced until the Haas and Edge come out. The bad guys clean house and Benoit gets his ankle locked.

So we’ve just had two good, mat based technical matches that helped set up a major World Title match. Now here are Dawn and Al in the shower with Al looking exhausted.

Shannon Moore vs. Bill DeMott

Matt sits in on commentary and says this was all Shannon’s idea. A hard headlock into a front facelock keeps Shannon down as Matt tells Cole about the virtues of Mattitude. Shannon fights back with a middle rope leg lariat but gets clotheslined out of the air. DeMott hits a gutwrench powerbomb for the pin because he can’t pick a finisher already.

Matt yells at Shannon for the loss and beats him up.

Undertaker video, this time set to the Ministry theme.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Bull Buchanan

Los Guerreros jump Cena before more racial insensitivity can break out. Eddie hammers on Bull to start and the fans eat up his chest slap. Bull eventually clotheslines him down and stomps away in the corner as an EDDIE chant starts up. Oh yeah they’re full on faces. Something like a belly to back suplex drop sets up Buchanan’s top rope clothesline, which he seems to leave VERY short and is only saved by a timely camera cut.

A Chavo distraction lets Eddie chop away until a backdrop cuts him off again. Cena tries to interfere as well but Chavo hits him in the face with a title, leaving Eddie to show Bull how to properly do a belly to back suplex. The frog splash is good enough to put Buchanan away, drawing quite the positive reaction in the process.

Rating: C-. Buchanan’s near botches aside, this was a perfectly watchable match. The problem here is Buchanan really could be almost any given muscular big man and that’s going to catch up with him in a hurry. Eddie is more than capable of carrying almost anyone to a fine match and that’s what he did here, but Bull isn’t going to be in there with Guerrero all the time.

Dawn, in new lingerie, crawls over to Al and asks if he wants to play some more. Unfortunately, Al isn’t exactly responsive.

We run down the pay per view card without the promised fifteen names for the Rumble itself.

A-Train tells Big Show and Heyman to leave Lesnar alone tonight because he wants to solidify his reputation at Brock’s expense. This is a good example of why A-Train isn’t allowed to talk.

Another Nathan Jones video.

A-Train vs. Brock Lesnar

Brock shoves him into the corner for the shoulders to the ribs, only to have the chokebomb take him down without much effort. A good looking powerslam drops A-Train again though and it’s time for the first overhead belly to belly. We’ll make it three in a row until a headbutt cuts Brock off. Not that it matters as the F5 is enough to wrap A-Train up without much effort.

Rating: D+. They kept this very, very short here and that’s the right call. A-Train got in his big power moves and then ate the suplexes and F5 for the pin. There’s no need to do anything other than that and they had Lesnar look good by beating up a monster. Again, the smart booking here has carried the night and that’s a good thing.

Lesnar calls out Heyman and Big Show for his lesson. We see them heading to the ring but SURPRISE! The lesson is Brock can’t beat Big Show so they’re leaving.

Oh and Al, again in his briefs, is dead to end the show. You don’t see a character actually killed off in WWE but that’s about all this story deserves.

Overall Rating: B. Now that’s how you do a Smackdown. They kept things moving here and that made the show fly by. The Al Wilson stuff is stupid but it’s kind of hard to complain with Dawn there like she was. They advanced a bunch of stories here and, without actually announcing more than a few names for the Rumble, they’ve helped set up their side of the pay per view. The booking was good, the action was solid and the pacing was quick. What else can you ask for from a show?

 

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Smackdown
Date: January 2, 2003
Location: Tingley Coliseum, Albuquerque, New Mexico
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s time for a new year with a special live show. The big deal tonight is the wedding between Al Wilson and Dawn Marie, which should hopefully be a big step towards finally ending this stupid storyline. The thing won’t go away and unfortunately it’s going towards another Torrie vs. Dawn match. Let’s get to it.

A narrated opening video talks about Brock Lesnar making his return to the ring tonight. Another voice talks about the wedding, which really does seem to be the bigger deal.

Opening sequence, which includes several shots of Stephanie.

Here are John Cena and Bull Buchanan to rap about Rikishi being fat.

John Cena vs. Rikishi

Rikishi punches him down to start as it’s very weird to see Cena in wrestling boots with the (khaki) shorts. Cena gets thrown outside for a bit, followed by a legdrop for two back inside. Buchanan offers a cheap shot on the floor and Cena takes over as Cole says we’ll start the Royal Rumble participants next week. Those are always fun, even if the show is old. We hit the chinlock for a bit until Rikishi fights up with a Faarooq spinebuster. The referee is with Buchanan though, meaning Rikishi has to beat him up too. Cena shoves the referee away and rolls Rikishi up (with Rikishi’s feet in the ropes) for the pin.

Rating: D. The match was nothing to see but the result is the right call. I’ve complained for months about Rikishi being pushed far too strong so it’s nice to see him finally lose a match to someone, even in a bit of a weak finish. Either way, it’s a good thing to see Cena getting a win as the raps are getting more entertaining week after week.

Rikishi beats them up post match.

Here’s Dawn Marie, in her wedding dress, with something to say. She’s going to be getting married tonight because she’s such a beautiful bride. Oh and she’ll do it without clothes. No, she won’t.

Stephanie is in the back and goes into Dawn’s locker room to say she can’t be married without any clothes on. So she’s stopping a woman from taking off her clothes but is also stopping a heel from doing what she wants. As usual, I have no idea what Stephanie is supposed to be. Repercussions are promised but Dawn hints that she’ll do it anyway.

Chuck Palumbo vs. Bill DeMott

DeMott runs him over to start and shrugs off a clothesline. A screaming splash in the corner keeps Palumbo in trouble as Cole talks about Bill wanting to step up in WWE. Chuck’s comeback is cut off by a shot to the back of the head. That goes so well that they do the same thing again, followed by DeMott hitting a reverse DDT for the pin. Was there really anything wrong with the powerbomb or moonsault?

Rating: D. So is this DeMott push going anywhere? I mean, I can’t imagine that it will but it would be nice to tease that it’s going to instead of just doing the squash matches over and over. At least they let him stop beating up cruiserweights and went with someone who wasn’t going to be hurt by the loss.

Undertaker is coming back at the Royal Rumble. Every clip of him in this video is the Deadman version.

Billy Kidman (who I had almost forgotten was Cruiserweight Champion) runs into Torrie Wilson for the patented awkward conversation. They talk about the wedding and Kidman acts it out for some reason. So he’s making fun of her father and reminding Torrie that her dad is marrying someone she hates.

Kurt Angle isn’t worried about who Chris Benoit picks to face Team Angle tonight because he’ll still be champion after the Royal Rumble. This place is about wrestling and the three of them are the best in the world. If Benoit ever did wrestle in college, it was probably at the University of Saskatchewan and he couldn’t even make the practice squad.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Billy Kidman

Non-title again and Eddie has gotten one heck of a haircut. Eddie gets monkey flipped to start so he snaps off a fall away slam into a bridge for two. We hit an armbar as Cena and Buchanan come out to say he’s about to crack the Guerreros and make huevos rancheros. After a few Taco Bell jokes, Chavo goes after Buchanan in the ring and a fight breaks out.

Rikishi comes in for the save and is taken away as we take a break. Back with Rikishi still being held back, Chavo and Buchanan ejected, Cena on commentary talking about how he’s harder than ring tones and Eddie hitting a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. A Gory Stretch into a spinning powerbomb gets two and it’s off to a chinlock. Eddie backdrops him to the floor and Cena threatens to hit Cole in, what sounded like, his foolbox.

Kidman fights out of a sleeper but takes too long going up top and gets superplexed right back down. The Frog Splash misses though and Kidman hits the BK Bomb for two. A high crossbody gives Kidman two but they ram heads in the corner, allowing Cena to hit Eddie in the head with the chain. Kidman didn’t see it and hits the Shooting Star for the pin.

Rating: B-. It looks like they’re trying to turn Los Guerreros face, which they would be due to how strong they’ve been recently anyway, but I’m not sure if it’s the best move to just change them up this fast. At least Kidman finally won something, even though that Cruiserweight Title means less and less every single week. As usual, Kidman has shown he can hang with heavyweights but is apparently on top of the nothing division an in way over his head anywhere else.

Video on Brock Lesnar.

WAY too long package on the buildup to the wedding. As I’ve mentioned many times, I still have no idea why this is a bad thing for Al.

It’s wedding time. Al comes out looking like he’s trying to look classy in Hawaii, Dawn is in her dress and the minister sounds like Slick. We hit the objection line and Dawn does indeed object. She wanted to take everything off but instead strips to her underwear. The thing is no one ever said AL couldn’t be married sans clothing so let’s take a long time stripping him as well. With a straight on camera shot of Al in briefs, they’re married and Al is kissed to the ground. That’s it. No angle, no Torrie, no interruption. Just a wedding and that’s it. This has been a major waste of your time.

Chris Benoit/??? vs. Team Angle

Benoit can pick any partner he wants and one of the big drawing points of this show has been the return of Brock Lesnar. We also saw a video on Lesnar and Brock has issues with Angle. Therefore, the partner is Edge. Not a bad choice but not exactly where the signs were pointing.

Benoit and Haas get things going with Chris running him over a few times and handing it off to Shelton. That means a quick Crossface before it’s off to Edge to stomp away in the corner. Haas offers a distraction from the apron though and Team Angle takes over for the first time…..in their careers I guess.

Shelton gets two off a suplex and it’s off to the chinlock. A cheap shot from Angle sets up the first suplex from Haas for two. Charlie drapes Edge over the ropes so Shelton can jump over his back and land on Edge. Eh the Beverly Brothers already did it. We hit the Haas of Pain but Benoit makes a quick save.

The half nelson faceplant drops Shelton and the hot tag brings in Benoit to clean house. The suplexes are unleashed and Benoit nails the Swan Dive to Shelton for two. Everything breaks down with Team Angle taking stereo rolling German suplexes until Angle pulls Edge outside. Benoit Crossfaces Shelton, drawing Angle in for the DQ.

Rating: C+. I would have given Team Angle some more offense though they certainly didn’t look weak. The DQ finish protects Benoit and keeps the new team looking strong enough. All that matters here is that Angle now has some backup and hopefully we can keep him FAR away from Big Show.

Angle beats up Tony Chimmel until he announces Team Angle as the winners.

Post break, Paul Heyman is in the ring to brag about how awesome his clients are. That brings him to Lesnar, and it’s time for Big Show. Heyman gets right to the point: he wants Big Show vs. Lesnar with the winner going into the Royal Rumble and the loser being left out. Since it’s Heyman, this takes a lot longer than it needs to. Cue Lesnar but Matt Hardy and Shannon Moore jump him from behind with a chair. One shot busts Brock open BAD from the back of his head as the villains run off.

Dawn and Al, still in their underwear, go to the limo. You mean they haven’t left yet? Anyway, they have a camera to film their honeymoon.

Crash vs. Nunzio

Josh Matthews has replaced Chimmel as ring announcer and looks even dumber than usual. Crash comes in with a high crossbody for two and then the opening bell rings. That’s not the most competent referee. Nunzio goes after the arm with a quick armbar and something like a Stunner onto the arm. A rollup gives Crash two but the kickout sends his shoulder into the post. The DDT on the arm (flying armbar) is good enough to give Nunzio the pin.

Matt gives Shannon a pep talk.

Matt Hardy vs. Brock Lesnar

Brock is in a t-shirt and workout pants. Matt, who always stays awake until sunrise on New Year’s Eve, tries to have Shannon get in some cheap shots but the still bloody Brock cleans house anyway. A great looking backbreaker sets up a belly to belly, followed by some powerslams into the corner. Shannon’s distraction works as well as you would expect though it does allow Matt to hit a Side Effect. That just earns him a belly to belly, followed by Shannon being thrown on top of Matt. A release F5 plants Moore but Brock walks into the Twist of Fate for two. The F5 finishes Matt a few seconds later.

Rating: D+. It’s very fun to watch Lesnar destroy people like they’re not even there and if he can do two at once, that’s even better. It was entertaining and a good use of Matt and Shannon, both of whom will be over again as soon as Matt does another over the top promo about how awesome Mattitude really is.

Show comes out for the staredown, earning Matt another F5 to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. The wrestling in the middle helps but so much of this show was dominated by the wedding nonsense. Dawn Marie is good looking but she is nowhere near enough to save this story. I still don’t know why it’s still going but I’m sure we’ll be seeing another big part of it next week, eventually leading to Dawn vs. Torrie again.

Other than that we had Bill DeMott and Rikishi getting featured spots. They’re building some acts up (Los Guerreros, Cena, Team Angle) and that can lead them to a lot of good places in the future. This wasn’t a horrible show but there’s no way around that wedding, which ate up more than almost any given match. I’m sure it’s a Vince thing but this is the funniest thing he can get behind?

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Smackdown
Date: December 19, 2002
Location: St. Pete Times Forum, Tampa, Florida
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re past the last pay per view of the year and that means we only have two Smackdowns left. The big story on the Smackdown side is Kurt Angle becoming the new Smackdown World Champion, having defeated Big Show in a match that was way better than it had any right to be. That puts us on the road to the Royal Rumble, where Chris Benoit might be the new #1 contender. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week’s tag match with Big Show pinning Angle and then Angle winning the title thanks to Brock Lesnar’s help. This eats up over three minutes.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Angle, with a belt that still says Big Show, to open things up. He lists off his accomplishments but this title win was different. Angle isn’t sure if he could have won the title without Lesnar so he’d like Brock out here now. Cue Brock to one heck of a reaction. Angle agrees to give him a shot at the title anytime, any place. That’s what Brock wanted to hear because he wants his shot tonight. Actually that doesn’t work for Kurt though because he has a non-title match with Chris Benoit. Lesnar will get his title shot next week though, which Lesnar begrudgingly accepts.

Big Show is livid about Lesnar getting the first shot and rants to Paul Heyman about it. Don’t worry though because Heyman has a fan. Again, this takes way too long to accomplish something very simple.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Billy Kidman

Non-title. Eddie goes right for him and grabs a belly to back suplex to take over. A very fast tilt-a-whirl backbreaker looks to set up the frog splash but Kidman bails away and hits an enziguri. The BK Bomb gets two and the shooting star connects, only to have Chavo pull Kidman away. That’s not a DQ for no apparent reason though and Eddie grabs a Gory Bomb for the pin.

Matt Hardy walks into Stephanie’s office to explain the concept of MF’ers (Mattitude Followers). She’s worried that he won’t be able to face Lesnar tonight but Matt is ready to go.

John Cena vs. Chuck Palumbo

Cena’s rap calls the Buccaneers a rather surprising slur which rhymes with beers. The announcers start talking about the Torrie/Dawn Marie footage as “Bling Bling Buchanan” gets in a few shots on the floor. Cena grabs a seated full nelson (it’s better than the same old chinlock over and over) but Palumbo fights up for the comeback. A belly to belly sets up the discus punch and Chuck heads to the top, only to have Cena roll through a high crossbody and grab the trunks for the pin.

Chuck punches Cena out but gets hit by Buchanan’s change. Cue Rikishi for the save because THIS STORY IS STILL GOING!

We get a long, LONG recap of the build to Torrie/Dawn in the hotel room (same as the one from Sunday I believe) and then see about ten seconds, all of which we saw at the pay per view.

We get a sitdown interview with Torrie at her mom’s house in Idaho where she says she’s more proud than anything else. She’s willing to do anything for her father but he’s the one person she’s embarrassed her. As for being a sexual predator, she’s certainly a sexual person, but Dawn is going to find out what kind of a predator she can be. Cue Dawn and Al as Cole suggests that Al has no idea what’s going on. You mean getting to be with a woman WAY out of his league who doesn’t seem to mind being with him in exchange for tormenting his daughter? I still don’t quite get how Al is hurt in all this.

Anyway Dawn calls Torrie a nymphomaniac and says her relationship with Al is sacred. They never run out of things to say and enjoy their late night encounters. She’s never seen a more handsome and virile man than her “Al-sy Wal-sy.” The wedding will be here on Smackdown in two weeks. Torrie storms off because they deserve each other.

Raw Retro: Rock challenges Hogan. That’s one heck of a moment.

Brock Lesnar vs. Matt Hardy

This is over Brock throwing Matt, who has wrestled in 44 states, through a wall. However, Matt comes out holding his good eye and has Shannon Moore tagging along. We’ve got a substitution due to Matt getting something in his good eye, rendering him temporarily blind.

Brock Lesnar vs. Shannon Moore

Brock wastes no time in belly to bellying Shannon OVER THE TOP AND DOWN ONTO THE FLOOR in one of the sickest landings you’ll ever see. Moore somehow doesn’t have a broken leg as he takes the F5 for the pin in less than a minute. Great bump to go with the complete destruction.

Blind Matt gets beaten down as well.

Stephanie tells Angle to clear this up or she’ll do it herself.

Here’s Angle to explain whatever it is that Stephanie was talking about. Angle talks about having integrity and if it were up to him, he’d face Angle and Benoit in the same night. He has a lot on his plate though and he needs good representation. That’s why he’s now represented by……Paul Heyman.

Paul comes out for a hug and says no one should be surprised by this. There was no way Lesnar was ever getting close to the title again and Heyman made sure of it. The plan started when Angle suggested he could get Lesnar’s suspension lifted and Heyman convinced Stephanie to let Brock come back. Angle played Lesnar like a violin (How?) and now the Angle vs. Lesnar match is postponed indefinitely.

Cue a livid Big Show to yell at Heyman and glare at Angle. Heyman says Show isn’t dumped because Show is still his favorite client. To make it up to him, Show can have a shot next week. Kurt isn’t happy but Heyman says it’s cool as long as either of them is champion. Just keep it away from Lesnar you see.

Ok……I need a minute on this one. So Heyman worked together with Show to get the title off of Lesnar and then signed Angle as an insurance policy to give him more leverage to keep the title away from Brock? Ok, fine. And Angle had to get Lesnar’s suspension lifted because Angle couldn’t beat Show on his own? If that’s not it, I have no idea why Lesnar had to be reinstated. Why would Heyman want him back in the first place?

I’m not really sure I get the idea. I guess Heyman thought Angle could beat Big Show so he bought Kurt off before he could, but Angle could only do it with Lesnar’s help? Show can beat an injured Lesnar with Heyman’s help but it takes Angle/Lesnar to beat Big Show? I’m probably missing something in there because this is already far beyond how complicated it needs to be. Just have Show vs. Lesnar go to a double DQ at Survivor Series and then do a triple threat so Angle can take the title from Show and announce Heyman’s plan after. Either way, it sets up an eventual Angle vs. Lesnar match and that’s just glorious sounding.

Bill DeMott/Crash vs. Jamie Noble/Nunzio

DeMott is teaming with Crash because he respects Hardcore Holly. Bill beats on Nunzio and then pulls Jamie in to beat on him as well. A release German suplex sends Noble flying and DeMott makes him tag Nunzio back in. Noble is thrown into Nunzio in the corner and a powerbomb sets up the moonsault to put Jamie away. Crash was never in. So Nunzio debuts one week and gets squashed the next by BILL DEMOTT. I’m so glad to know this show has a plan for everyone.

DeMott beats Crash down as well.

Edge is ready to beat up A-Train again tonight.

Edge vs. A-Train

A-Train charges straight at him to start but Edge slips out of a gorilla press. It’s already time to go after the knee though as A-Train lays on it and then grabs a half crab. Back up and Edge hits an enziguri followed by a missile dropkick due to the bad knee. The bicycle kick gives A-Train two and it’s right back to the half crab. The chokebomb is broken up and Edge spears him for the pin.

Rating: D. This was as good as A-Train doing half crabs for five minutes was going to be. I still don’t get the idea behind pushing him like this but it seems to be time for the big guys to get their pushes. Edge sold the leg well enough but there’s only so much he can do in a story like this.

Josh Matthews recaps Angle vs. Lesnar and it still doesn’t make a lot of sense. Lesnar comes in and says his state of mind is a good question.

Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit

Non-title. Benoit takes him to the mat for an early hammerlock and a very fast armdrag. They head outside with Benoit chasing him back inside for the first suplex. Angle gets in his own overhead belly to belly as the announcers marvel at Heyman’s brainwashing abilities. Heyman even gets in a belt shot to Benoit for two and it’s time to trade some chops. A chinlock keeps Benoit down for a bit and a release German suplex drops him again.

Angle is right backup but a double clothesline puts both guys down. It’s Benoit up first with the seven rolling German suplexes, causing Heyman to put his head in his hand, as if he knows there’s nothing that can be done at this point. The Swan Dive sets up the Crossface but Big Show lumbers down for the DQ.

Rating: C+. Good match as usual but you could see the ending coming from a mile away. They’ve done this match too often lately though and it’s starting to get tiresome. It’s still entertaining but there are other options out there. Put Angle in there with Edge (because Heaven forbid we don’t get the A-Train match in there) or anyone else to save Benoit for later.

Lesnar runs in for some suplexes but gets beaten down as well to end the show. My only other thought here: Heyman reminds me of Louie De Palma in far too many ways.

Overall Rating: D. Really big step down here as this whole thing was about two stories with a few other matches filling in the rest of the time. The Heyman stuff is more complicated than it needs to be and the Dawn/Torrie stuff is clearly going nowhere. If you’re over fourteen years old here, you know you’re never going to see more than you saw at the pay per view and after that you have whatever disaster the wedding and ensuing match are going to be. This really wasn’t a good show and Smackdown should be better than what they did here.

 

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