Summerslam 2000
Date: August 27, 2000
Location: Raleigh Entertainment and Sports Arena, Raleigh, North Carolina
Attendance: 18,124
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Of all the shows that I’ve seen multiple times over the years, there is something about this show that never stands out. I can never remember anything about the show, down to barely being able to come up with the main event. That’s a weird one as this is from one of the most well received years in WWF history. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is designed like some art house/weird film, featuring Freddie Blassie watching a video on the main event. That would be Rock defending the WWF Title against HHH and Kurt Angle, but the real story is the love triangle between HHH, Angle and Stephanie McMahon.

Jim Ross brags about the $1.1 million gate and that always sounds weird.

Right To Censor vs. Rikishi/Too Cool

Before the match, Steven Richards says he was thinking the Right To Censor would be better received here in the Bible Belt. Rikishi brings two of the Goodfather’s former ladies with him, with one of them being identified as Victoria. It’s a brawl to start until Scotty gets two hammer Bull down in the corner. Too Cool’s double suplex lets Scotty dance a bit so it’s off to Goodfather. That doesn’t go well either as Sexay knocks him to the floor, where he shoves the women down.

Back in and a double big boot gives Bull two as JR has fun saying “Sexay”. Richards adds a powerbomb for two, only to get caught with a superplex. The diving tag brings in Rikishi (not holding the tag rope because rules mean nothing) and house is quickly cleaned. Victoria sends a departing Richards back inside and the villains are stacked up in the corner. Three straight running hip attacks look to set up the Stinkface but Buchanan makes the save. The Steven Kick finishes Scotty at 5:23.

Rating: C. Well, ok then. I’m not sure why you would have Rikishi and Too Cool lose in the opening match and kill the mood like that but the Right To Censor was a slightly bigger deal at the moment. The match itself was what you would expect, but I was actually surprised at the result, which is kind of a nice feeling.

Kurt Angle and Stephanie McMahon went to find each other earlier, despite HHH not being here yet.

We look back at Angle kissing a concussed Stephanie on Smackdown, in a story that could have gone a long way.

Hardcore Champion Shane McMahon supports Stephanie’s decisions….and has to run away from Steve Blackman.

Road Dogg vs. X-Pac

This is the result of X-Pac headbutting Dogg off the apron and through a table, which left X-Pac surprised for some reason. X-Pac takes him to the mat for some riding and Dogg isn’t happy. Back up and Dogg sends him outside before hitting a clothesline back inside. X-Pac kicks him into the corner though and the Bronco Buster connects. The chinlock brings Dogg back up so X-Pac kicks him in the face for two more. Another Bronco Buster connects but this time Dogg is back up with the shaky jabs. The pumphandle slam is loaded up but X-Pac kicks him low and hits a quick X Factor for the pin at 4:40.

Rating: C. Not much to this one either as they’ve had a pair of short matches to start the show. That would seem to be a heel turn from X-Pac as the villains continue their hot start. X-Pac and Dogg teamed together for a bit but it never felt like the real DX. The Outlaws would have made for a better feud like this but with Billy Gunn out injured, this is about all you can get.

Post match X-Pac says they’re still a good team, but Dogg gets up and hits the pumphandle slam.

Eddie Guerrero and Chyna are ready for their mixed tag for the Intercontinental Title. Chyna says one of them are getting lucky.

Trish Stratus and Intercontinental Champion Val Venis are ready for the match, but Venis gets annoyed at Stratus saying she would be a better centerfold than Chyna.

Intercontinental Title: Chyna/Eddie Guerrero vs. Trish Stratus/Val Venis

Venis and Stratus are defending and it seems that only Stratus can’t leave as champion. Eddie and Val start things off with Eddie hitting a jumping elbow and grabbing a northern lights suplex for two. Back up and Chyna comes in to deck Venis in the face and it’s a double flapjack for two. Val cuts Chyna off with a knee to the ribs but Chyna blasts him with a clothesline.

Chyna makes the mistake of going after Trish though and Val is right on her with a suplex. Another suplex has Chyna adjusting her gear and even JR has to comment on how….non-existent some of the gear is. Eddie tries to come in and that’s enough for Chyna to get in a low blow.

That and a DDT are enough or Eddie to come in and clean house, including the hurricanrana out of the corner for two. Venis’ Blue Thunder Bomb gets the same so for some reason it’s off to Trish. This goes as well as expected, as Chyna wrecks her with some clotheslines until Venis makes a save. Eddie pulls Venis out though and Trish’s clothesline makes her fall down instead. A gorilla press gives Chyna the pin and the title at 7:04.

Rating: C+. There’s the first feel good moment of the show as Chyna exploits the completely legal loophole to win the title. That being said, it makes a lot more sense, as Venis, even the serious version, did not feel like someone who belonged as Intercontinental Champion in 2000. Eddie and Chyna really were great together and you could feel the chemistry here.

Eddie puts the title on Chyna in a nice moment.

We look at a WWF Radio live broadcast from WWF New York. Mick Foley danced and Chyna liked his worm.

Stephanie McMahon makes it very clear: Kurt Angle kissed her…..but he’s good at it.

Tazz vs. Jerry Lawler

Tazz attacked JR and it’s time for Jerry to stand up for him. For a bonus, Tazz attacked Jerry’s rental car with JR inside, hurting JR’s eyes. As a result, here is Tazz with a Tazz themed JR hat and a cane to really be a jerk. Lawler punches him in the face to break up the blind bit and even adds a dropkick into the corner. There’s the middle rope fist but a second misses, allowing Tazz to hammer away.

Tazz rips at the face and before having to headbutt Lawler a bit low to cut off a comeback. For some reason Tazz goes up and misses a Swanton of all things, meaning it’s time for the strap to come down. The piledriver connects but the referee gets bumped. Tazz gets the Tazmission but yells at JR once too often, causing JR to break a jar of candy over his face. Lawler gets the pin at 4:25.

Rating: C. You know what you’re going to get with a Lawler match and that limited offense was on display here. That being said, Lawler’s matches still work because the fans care about him and wanted to see him beat Tazz up. It’s someone standing up to a bully and that is always going to work, no matter how limited Lawler happens to be in the ring.

Shane McMahon has to run from Steve Blackman again.

Hardcore Title: Shane McMahon vs. Steve Blackman

Shane is defending and runs into the ring to hide from Blackman, as apparently hide and seek isn’t Shane’s strong suit. Blackman brings in his own kendo stick and trashcan, which are enough to have Shane running again. Actually hold on as Blackman is nice enough to throw the stick to Shane and turn his back. Blackman isn’t that stupid though and grabs the stick to chase Shane off for the….are we at four times already?

They go into the crowd with Blackman getting in a trashcan shot as the beating begins. Back to ringside and a hard kick drops Shane again as this is destruction so far. The spinning trashcan lid shot to the back of the head keeps Shane in trouble (and looked PAINFUL) and now it’s time for a bunch of weapons. Blackman puts the trashcan on Shane and unloads with the sticks (JR: “Like Max Weinberg and the Max Weinberg 7!”) before grabbing a leather strap.

Said strap is tied around Shane’s neck so he can be pulled off the middle rope for a crash. To make things interesting, Blackman grabs a half crab while still choking but here are Test and Albert for the save. As Lawler points out that JR is bleeding from something, Albert crushes Blackman in the corner and Test adds a hard clothesline. Test’s always good looking top rope elbow crushes a trashcan lid onto Blackman’s chest and now Shane is back up for the dancing punches.

A quick comeback bid is cut off in a hurry and Shane hits a jumping street sign to the face. The strap is tied around Blackman’s neck for a change and they take him up towards the entrance. Test can’t quite shove a speaker onto Blackman as he rolls away but can’t do anything else. Albert kendo sticks Test by mistake though and NOW the comeback can be on.

Well for all of a few seconds at least, as Shane gets in a cheap shot and then runs away. Shane makes the mistake of climbing the set (like I said: hiding isn’t his strong suit) but Blackman is there with more stick shots to knock him down for a twenty five or so feet fall down onto a bunch of stuff. After climbing down a bit, Blackman drops a huge elbow for the pin and the title at 10:17.

Rating: B-. The wrestling wasn’t the point here (obviously) but this was a heck of a star making performance for Blackman. Granted there is only so far you can go with this kind of a personality but this worked well for him. Blackman fought off three people at once and then hit the big elbow at the end for the win. This was WAY more fun than I would have bet on and was a nice change of pace from the rest of the show.

Shane is taken away on a stretcher due to reasons of HE FELL A REALLY LONG WAY.

Stephanie McMahon freaks out over the whole thing when Kurt Angle comes in. She immediately asks about Shane, who Kurt says had the wind knocked out of him (Lawler: “THE WIND KNOCKED OUT OF HIM???”). Mick Foley comes in and references the kiss from Smackdown before leaving rather quickly.

Video on Chris Benoit vs. Chris Jericho. They hate each other so now it’s time to go 2/3 falls. Shane McMahon has been in Benoit’s corner but….yeah.

Chris Jericho vs. Chris Benoit

2/3 falls. They go straight to the mat for the slugout to start until Benoit avoids a charge to send the shoulder into the post. It’s too early for an STF or the Crossface so Jericho snaps off a belly to back suplex. A shoulder breaker takes Jericho back down as Lawler talks about how much he hates being in 2/3 falls matches. Jericho is right back up with a missed Lionsault and now the Crossface goes on. Jericho taps at 3:16, which Lawler thinks was a strategic move (or, you know, the Crossface hurts a lot).

The Crossface goes back on (smart) and Benoit cranks HARD until Jericho makes the rope. Benoit ties him in the Tree of Woe so he can pull on the bad shoulder some more. Back in and the shoulder is sent hard into the post as Jericho can’t get anything going here. Benoit does it a second and third time but Jericho slugs away with the good arm. That’s fine with Benoit, who snaps off a German suplex. A second attempt is countered into the Liontamer though and Benoit has to tap at 8:40 to tie it up.

Jericho hits a backbreaker for two and a top rope elbow to the jaw gets two. The arm gives out on a powerbomb attempt so Benoit is back with a dragon suplex for two of his own. Benoit goes up but gets pulled down with a super hurricanrana for the double knockdown, with Jericho landing on the bad shoulder again. Back up and Jericho hits some running clotheslines, followed by the spinwheel kick for two. The Lionsault connects but the shoulder gives out again. With nothing else working, Jericho stomps away but Benoit grabs a cradle and uses the ropes for the pin at 13:21.

Rating: B. I wasn’t wild on the ending, if nothing else because it made me think of the same way Benoit vs. Kurt Angle at Wrestlemania X7 went about eight months later. What matters here though is how good the chemistry between these two really is. They know how to work off of each other and the arm vs. back stuff worked well. You know that these two are always going to work well together and that was the case again, as they had some time and put together a heck of a match.

HHH JUST NOW arrives so we look at the Smackdown kiss again, plus the near second kiss from earlier tonight.

We recap the Tag Team Title match. Edge and Christian, the Dudl….it’s the first TLC match. You get the idea.

Tag Team Titles: Edge and Christian vs. Dudley Boyz vs. Hardy Boyz

Edge and Christian are defending. The Hardys grab some chairs to start but Edge and Christian take over rather quickly. It’s already time for the first ladder but Bubba sends it into Edge’s face for a nasty smash. Bubba’s climb is cut off by a Hardys powerbomb, with Bubba’s leg being caught in the ladder for a nasty landing. Edge is back up with a double Russian legsweep to bring D-Von and Jeff off the ladders and the Bubba Bomb drops Christian hard as well.

Jeff is knocked off a ladder and lands on another, sending it straight into Matt’s face for more pain. D-Von puts a ladder in the corner and that means it’s What’s Up to Edge. It’s time for the tables (that sequence still works) and a 3D puts Christian through one. Four tables are stacked up on the floor (uh oh) but Edge grabs a chair to save Jeff from a rather large powerbomb. Ever the grateful one, Matt hits a Twist of Fate on Edge, setting up the legdrops from/over the ladder to hit Edge again.

Jeff rams a ladder into D-Von’s face (ouch) as Matt crushes Edge inside a ladder. Christian goes up and is rocket launched onto the ladder onto Edge onto the ladder. With that not being enough, the big ladder is set up on the floor so Jeff can….miss the Swanton to Bubba through the table.

Matt throws the normal ladder outside and grabs the big one so everyone but Bubba and Jeff can go up. The other four come crashing down so a very staggered (thanks to a chair shot) Bubba comes in but Edge and Christian shove him through the pile of tables at ringside. Cue Lita to shove Edge and Christian’s ladder over for a double crotching so Matt can go up.

That ladder is shoved down as well, with Matt crashing through more tables at ringside. Edge spears Lita down but somehow Jeff is back up to climb with D-Von. They both grab a belt but the ladder is moved, leaving D-Von to crash. Edge and Christian are back in to spear Jeff down with the ladders (ouch again) and the titles are retained at 14:47.

Rating: A-. You know what you’re getting with these matches and they continue to be incredible. This was all about having six people (and Lita as a bonus) going out there and wrecking each other in pure carnage. It also doesn’t feel like a bunch of random spots as you have stuff set up and paid off later, with the teams actually working together. This is so much easier to watch (and remember) than having six to eight people going nuts, with the bumps and crashes looking better as well. Awesome stuff here, and somehow they would do it even better.

Everyone gets a well deserved standing ovation.

HHH yells at Stephanie McMahon (who apparently he hasn’t seen since Smackdown) about the kiss, with Stephanie saying Kurt Angle took advantage of her. He orders her to stay away from Angle, but she insists HHH is the only man for her.

The Kat vs. Terri

Stinkface match and Al Snow is here with the Kat. Cue Perry Saturn to cover Terri up, with JR not getting the logic. Lawler: “Why can’t we get this match? I get Tazz!” Kat slams her down to start but Saturn pulls Terri outside. Back in and….I’m not sure if that was a spear or a clothesline but it sets up the catfight. The Bronco Buster connects as JR notices they’re both in rather large heels. The referee gets crushed so Snow throws in Head to knock Terri cold. Kat gives her the Stinkface for the win at 3:03.

Rating: F. To call this wrestling would be an insult to wrestling as they’re not hiding what they’re going for here. This stuff is embarrassing these days and while Terri had some value as a manager, this was a total waste of time. I know why it was there, but put anything else on instead of this nonsense.

The Acolytes toast Vince McMahon at WWF New York. And seem to take his money.

We recap Undertaker vs. Kane. Undertaker came back a few months ago and as is custom, Kane turned on him. It’s time for the first Biker Taker vs. Kane showdown.

Undertaker vs. Kane

The fight starts in the aisle, with Kane being sent into the post. Undertaker goes evil by trying to rip off the mask so Kane grabs a chair (the referee had said he would let them fight). That’s broken up so Undertaker chairs Kane down and manages to rip off part of the mask. That fires Kane up so he sends Undertaker in the steps, only to have said steps hit the post.

Undertaker grabs the steps to hit Kane in the face instead and the bloody Kane is sent back inside. A low blow gives Kane a breather and he slugs away until Undertaker spears him down. More of the mask is ripped off and Undertaker kicks him low to block a chokeslam attempt. Undertaker gets the whole mask off and Kane walks out at we’ll say 7:20.

Rating: B-. It was barely a match, but I’ll take these two having a slugout fight instead of watching them do a regular match. That’s what you would want to see from this and they made it work. It never made a ton of sense to have them going technical and with chinlocks and such ala Wrestlemania XIV, so go with what makes sense here and get some more value out of the thing.

Kurt Angle calls….Stephanie, as HHH is getting ready next to her. Stephanie: “Hi….mom!” HHH wants to talk to her but there’s no one on the phone.

We recap the WWF Title match, with the love triangle being the main story and The Rock, the champion, just kind of being thrown in on the side. Angle and HHH got a double pin in a triple threat #1 contenders match to set this up and they’ve been off to the races since.

WWF Title: The Rock vs. HHH vs. Kurt Angle

The Rock is defending. Before the match, Angle apologizes….for not doing what he did a lot sooner. Cue HHH and the fight is on fast, even with no Rock. Angle manages a Cactus Clothesline to put both of them on the floor and Angle gets posted. HHH loads up the announcers’ table but it collapses as he tries the Pedigree, with Angle bouncing face first onto the floor.

With Angle clearly knocked loopy, HHH grabs the sledgehammer but here is the Rock to officially get things going. Rock hits a clothesline and heads to the floor as well while Angle is taken out on a stretch. HHH manages to drop Rock onto the other announcers’ table and they head back inside as this has turned into a singles match for the time being. Rock gets sent back outside as HHH runs up the aisle to pull Angle back to ringside (even Lawler thinks this might be too far).

Rock comes back to break that up and takes HHH back to ringside for a low blow…..as Stephanie McMahon comes out to check on Angle. With Angle gone, HHH hits a clothesline on Rock but here is Stephanie to cheer on HHH. The jumping knee gets two on Rock and HHH tells Stephanie to get the belt. Stephanie slaps the timekeeper and comes in with said belt, which hits HHH by mistake.

HHH is back up with a low blow and demands Stephanie go to the back, as we settle down for maybe the first time so far. Back in and a sledgehammer to the ribs drops Rock, which sends JR into a rant about someone GETTING THE HAMMER. Some shoulders to the bad ribs keep Rock in trouble and the facebuster gets two. The slow beating (and JR’s rants about the hammer) continues but Rock is back with his swinging neckbreaker.

HHH knocks him down again and goes up, earning himself a superplex for a huge crash. We cut to the back where Stephanie is imploring Angle to get off the stretcher and help HHH. He says he’ll do it for her, with Lawler thinking this might be too much. Cue a rather concussed Angle as Rock fires off the right hands in the corner.

A quick Pedigree gives HHH two, with Angle pulling HHH out and whipping him into the steps. Angle gets his own two on Rock and hits a belly to belly for the same. The Rock Bottom gets two with HHH making the save this time and let’s get the sledgehammer again (JR getting more and more sick of it is hilarious). HHH’s right hand hits Stephanie by mistake so Angle sledgehammers HHH down. Rock clears Angle out and drops the People’s Elbow to retain at 20:07.

Rating: B-. This was a VERY uniquely booked match and I’m not sure it worked. The idea of having Angle taken out of the match for such a long time was strange enough but Rock vs. HHH was THE feud of 2000 so it was hardly a stretch. The problem seems to be more that Rock is just kind of there while everything else is playing around him and that makes for an odd match. It was still good, but it’s much more of an oddity than anything else. Also, just to make it worse, according to Angle, the concussion was scripted but he wound up getting a legitimate one and has pretty much no memory of the match.

Overall Rating: B. This show started slowly but once it picked up, it picked up very well. The first three or four matches are pretty much nothing to see but once Steve Blackman comes out to save it (….didn’t expect to say that), it was mostly awesome, safe for a few bumps in the road here and there. Overall it’s certainly worth a look, with the unfortunately forgotten TLC I and Benoit vs. Jericho certainly being worth your time.

Ratings Comparison

Right to Censor vs. Too Cool/Rikishi
Original: B-
2013 Redo: C
2023 Redo: C

X-Pac vs. Road Dogg
Original: C-
2013 Redo: D
2023 Redo: C

Val Venis/Trish Stratus vs. Eddie Guerrero/Chyna
Original: D+
2013 Redo: D+
2023 Redo: C+

Tazz vs. Jerry Lawler
Original: C+
2013 Redo: D
2023 Redo: C

Steve Blackman vs. Shane McMahon
Original: B
2013 Redo: B-
2023 Redo: B

Chris Benoit vs. Chris Jericho
Original: A
2013 Redo: A-
2023 Redo: B

Dudley Boys vs. Edge and Christian vs. Hardy Boys
Original: A-
2013 Redo: A
2023 Redo: A-

The Kat vs. Terri
Original: F-
2013 Redo: N/A
2023 Redo: F

Undertaker vs. Kane
Original: B
2013 Redo: C
2023 Redo: B-

The Rock vs. HHH vs. Kurt Angle
Original: B
2013 Redo: B
2023 Redo: B-

Overall Rating
Original: A
2013 Redo: A-
2023 Redo: B

There is a lot of jumping around in here and it made for quite the interesting rewatch.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Summerslam 1999
Date: August 22, 1999
Location: Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Attendance: 17,130
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s been a bit since I’ve looked at this show so we might as well try it again. The main event is a triple threat match with HHH and Mankind challenging Steve Austin for the title with Governor Jesse Ventura as the guest referee. Other than that, The Rock is facing Billy Gunn for reasons I don’t quite understand. Let’s get to it.

We open with a long recap of the main event, which has involved a bunch of guest referees over the years. Now Jesse Ventura is the ultimate guest referee, as he is the governor of Minnesota and the biggest power around. Makes sense, in a wrestling way at least.

Jesse Ventura tells HHH that he knows all of the cheating that can happen out there so don’t even bother. Chyna needs to set HHH straight.

Chris Jericho gets on “Harold” Finkel for being late, especially when Jericho is trying to save his job.

Intercontinental Title/European Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. D’Lo Brown

Jarrett, with Debra, is challenging for both titles. Actually hold on as Jarrett ejects Debra, much to Lawler’s chagrin. Actually hold on again as Debra runs into Brown in the back and offers to manage him instead. Brown, like a moron, actually agrees. Jarrett jumps him to start fast but Brown is back up with a flying forearm.

A powerslam gives Brown two and Jarrett jumps into a sitout spinebuster for the same. Brown tries a middle rope bulldog but gets pulled into a side slam for a pretty unique counter. Jarrett sends him outside for a baseball slide and a ram into the steps. That earns him a clothesline over the barricade so Jarrett comes right back with a posting to cut Brown off again.

Back in and Jarrett starts in on the arm, with a tornado DDT on said arm leaving Brown in a lot of trouble. Jarrett stops to yell at Debra though and it’s a running Liger Bomb to give Brown two. The head shaking legdrop and a suplex have Jarrett in trouble but Brown misses a random Swanton. Debra gets on the apron for a distraction so Jarrett grabs the guitar. Cue Mark Henry to take it away and clock Brown, giving Jarrett the pin and the titles at 7:29.

Rating: C+. So in an opener that runs about seven and a half minutes, we had a (seemingly fake) split, a new pairing, a guitar shot and another turn in the end. All in a match for a double championship. What makes this all the more annoying is Jarrett and Brown are more than capable of having a good wrestling match without all of the shenanigans. Let them do their thing and save this nonsense for people who actually need it.

And of course Debra was in on it all along.

Earlier today, Edge And Christian were ready to start the Tag Team Turmoil match. They want to be the #1 contenders and who better to start against than the Hardys?

Tag Team Turmoil

Six team gauntlet match for the #1 contendership with Edge And Christian in at #1 and the Hardys (the New Brood but the graphic has the other name and I’m going with it) in at #2. The Hardys jump them to start fast until we settle down to Edge Russian legsweeping Matt. Christian comes in for a spinwheel kick which clearly misses (fair enough as Matt popped back up) but Gangrel gets in a cheap shot.

That allows the Hardys to take their shirts off (high pitched pop still in development and Jeff’s springboard moonsault gets two. Christian is cut off again and it’s a suplex into a Swanton with Jeff having to make a save. A double reverse layout DDT gets Christian out of trouble though and it’s back to Edge to clean house.

Everything breaks down and Jeff tries to run the barricade, only to get speared out of the air by Edge. Gangrel gets in a cheap shot but Christian hits a big springboard dive, with Matt moonsaulting onto all three of them. Back in and Edge electric chair faceplants Jeff, setting up Christian’s top rope elbow for the pin at 5:02.

Viscera and Mideon are in at #3 with Viscera jumping Christian and giving him a Samoan drop. A double elbow lets Mideon choke away but he misses a middle rope elbow. Edge comes in and gets dropped by Viscera’s rather impressive spinwheel kick but Viscera splashes Mideon by mistake. A double shoulder puts Viscera on the floor and the spear finishes Mideon at 7:38 total

Prince Albert and Droz are in at #4 and commentary gets in an argument over whether college football careers matter at all. JR points out that Lawler doesn’t know a thing about Albert but Lawler points out that you can tell everything you need to know by looking at Albert. Well, yeah. Albert misses a charge in the corner and Christian takes Droz out on the floor. A chop block and the Downward Spiral finish Albert at 9:37 total and the Acolytes are in at #5.

Christian is taken outside and rammed into the post, leaving Edge to hammer on Bradshaw in the corner. This allows Lawler to mock JR’s football obsession but JR says Lawler hurt his feelings. A powerbomb out of the corner drops Edge and it’s off to Faarooq for more pummeling. Edge’s spinwheel kick (popular move this match) drops Faarooq but Bradshaw is right there to cut off the tag. Faarooq gets a rather cocky two and we hit the chinlock.

Back up and the Dominator is reversed into a DDT, allowing Edge to bring Christian in. The dropkicks abound and a tornado DDT gets two on Bradshaw. Cue the Hollys (apparently jumping the gun) as Bradshaw blasts Christian with the Clothesline From Bradshaw for the pin at 14:42 total.

So the Hollys complete the field at #6 and go after the Acolytes, who don’t seem impressed. The Dominator plants Crash but Holly makes the save. Naturally this results in the Hollys fighting over who gets to stomp Faarooq, earning Hardcore a double shoulder. A suplex gets Hardcore out of trouble so Crash tags himself in, only to get clotheslined. Lawler mocks JR for saying he doesn’t know which Holly is tougher, even as Bradshaw gets two off a swinging neckbreaker. Hardcore comes back in and get in a fight among themselves, leaving an annoyed Faarooq to spinebuster Hardcore for the pin at 17:36.

Rating: C+. Believe it or not, Edge And Christian and the Hardys tore the house down while they could and most of the rest of the teams were just there. That’s pretty much the story of the tag division until the Dudley Boyz showed up in a few months but for now, it was those teams and no one else. This was at least different, though dang I could have gone for the Hardys and Edge & Christian getting that much time instead.

Al Snow tries to calm down his dog, Pepper, about the Big Boss Man with advice about Judy Garland.

Here is the Road Dogg for a chat. He’s not happy with being out of the Hardcore Title match but wants to face the winner tomorrow on Raw. Cue Chris Jericho (who had only debuted a few weeks ago) to interrupt (JR: “It’s Jericho.” Lawler: “How do you know?”), saying he can’t believe that Summersham is worse than Raw Is Bore.

There are a lot of terrible performers on this show and the worst is in the ring right now. Jericho mocks Dogg’s lack of reaction, with Dogg smiling at the cheers he receives. The reality is that DX and Dogg suck so Dogg calls him a b**** to wrap this up. What a nothing segment but it was a way to get Jericho on the show.

Hardcore Title: Al Snow vs. Big Boss Man

Boss Man is defending and Snow leaves Pepper in a pet carrier in the back. Dogg is on commentary but jumps up with a mic to do roving commentary. Snow climbs onto the set and dives onto Boss Man during his entrance and they go backstage, where Boss Man is put through a table. Boss Man fights back and throws Pepper’s pet case, earning himself what looks like a chalkboard to the back.

A crutch shot drops Snow and Boss Man rams him into a Pepsi case. Boss Man shoves the case over but can’t crush Snow in the process so they go outside instead. The fight goes across the street and Snow kicks him down for two outside of a restaurant. Boss Man sends him through some outside tables and they go into a bar, where Boss Man hits him with the Yellow Pages.

Snow fights back, flirts with a woman, and gets punched further into the building. A broomstick is broken over Boss Man’s back and let’s go to the men’s room. They go back to the bar where Snow hits him with a beer and a chain (as all bars have), followed by a moonsault off the bar through a table. Now it’s time to go to the pool area, but Dogg hits Boss Man with his nightstick. Snow gets in a low blow with some pool balls to get the title back at 7:21.

Rating: B-. Why not? This was the kind of insanity that you could get with the hardcore stuff and it wound up being a lot more memorable. Leaving the arena is always cool and while I prefer the Friendly Tap, this was fun stuff and it was insane enough to make the whole thing work.

Post match Snow immediately runs back to check on Pepper, having to beat up Stevie Richards and the Blue Meanie, who might be trying to steal him.

Jesse Ventura gives Mankind the same kind of speech saying he’s not counting a fall off a chair shot or something like that. Mankind would rather talk about Geraldine Ferraro being underrated as a candidate but Ventura wasn’t a fan. That is exactly the kind of response I would have expected from Mick Foley.

Women’s Title: Ivory vs. Tori

Ivory is defending after using shoe polish to write some rather mean terms on Tori’s stomach and back. Tori runs in and grabs an early powerslam to send Ivory bailing to the floor. Back in and Tori knocks her down again, only to get choked on the ropes. We go old school with the giant swing but Tori comes back with a spear. An Alley Oop sets up a high crossbody but Tori’s sunset flip doesn’t even get one. They try it again and Ivory awkward sits down on Tori for the pin at 4:12.

Rating: D. Yeah this was terrible and there wasn’t much of a way around it. The Women’s Title situation was pretty much a disaster at this point and that would be the case for a few more years. Ivory was trying but Tori was only so good. They did the smart thing by keeping it short but there was only so much that could be done. Just not good.

Post match Ivory tries to rip off Tori’s top but Luna Vachon runs in for the save, much to Lawler’s ire.

The Rock interviews Michael Cole, mocks his tie, asks if he’s a bit….however you spell what Rock said, and then promises to beat up Billy Gunn in about 45 minutes.

Billy Gunn has someone under a tarp.

We recap Ken Shamrock vs. Steve Blackman, which is basically over which one is tougher and more violent. Cars and condoms full of blood were involved so you know it’s serious.

Steve Blackman vs. Ken Shamrock

This is in the Lion’s Den, which is a small cage with weapons at the top next to the entrance. Blackman is in first and hides some nunchucks in his pants but the early shot is shrugged off. Shamrock goes for the leg and finds the nunchucks, only to have his leg swept out. Blackman chokes him with a stick so Shamrock grabs a cross armbreaker. With that broken up, Shamrock throws the nunchucks out and hammers away as things slow back down.

It’s time for the kendo stick but Blackman whips him into the cage to take over. Blackman uses the sticks to pound Shamrock down and a big shot drops Shamrock again. A belly to back suplex out of the corner gives Shamrock a breather and he snaps off a powerslam. Blackman is back up with the kendo stick to strike Shamrock down and a big shot to the head knocks Shamrock silly (Lawler approves). For some reason Blackman won’t just leave though as Shamrock is back with a belly to belly. Some kendo stick shots knock Blackman cold and the referee calls it at 8:58.

Rating: C+. This wasn’t really wrestling for the most part but it was the right way to present two guys like this. It felt like a fight between two people with some unique talents and it wound up working. The violence worked and they didn’t go on too long to the point where it got ridiculous. In other words, the whole thing was nuts, but it was well booked nuts.

Earlier tonight, Shane McMahon attacked Test and banged up his ribs.

Test vs. Shane McMahon

This is a street fight and it’s Love Her Or Leave Her, meaning if Shane wins, Test has to break up with Stephanie McMahon but if Test wins, Shane has to stay out of their relationship. You can feel the Russo soap opera writing all over this one and in this case it still works. Hold on though as here is the rather injured Mean Street Posse to sit in the front row, much to Shane’s, ahem, surprise (he has no idea why the couch and lamp are waiting on them).

Test jumps him to start but Shane spears him down to go after the ribs and hammer away. Back up and Test knocks him to the floor, with the fight quickly heading into the crowd. Shane goes after the ribs but dives into a powerslam onto the floor. Test goes over to shove the Posse but gets champagne to the face to slow things back down. He can see well enough to throw Shane at the Posse and beat them up, only to have the numbers game catch up to him.

Rodney slams him onto the platform and Shane hits him with a mailbox, followed by a Do Not Enter sign. A framed picture of the Posse and Shane is broken over Test’s head so they can go back inside. An elbow to the face sets up Shane’s Spiral Tap (!), which only hits mat. Test gets in a powerbomb but Rodney’s distraction means it’s only a delayed two. The referee gets bumped (of course) and a running clothesline puts Shane on the floor again.

The Posse goes after Test again though and put him on the announcers’ table, setting up the REALLY flying elbow to put Test through the table (JR sells the heck out of it to make things better). Now the referee is back up so Rodney distracts him while the rest of the Posse throws Test inside. Why they need to distract the referee is beyond me but Test kicks out anyway.

Pete Gas hits Shane with a sign by mistake and Test gets two, with Joey Abs pulling Shane out at the last second. Rodney’s cast shot gets a very delayed two so here are the Stooges to beat up the Posse (the fans love that one). Shane misses a charge into the post and the pumphandle powerslam plants him again. Test’s top rope elbow finishes Shane at 12:12.

Rating: B. It went longer than it needed to and the Posse got involved once or twice too often, but dang this was fun. The Stooges getting involved at the end was great as the fans’ reaction made it even better. The fans were all the way into this one and carried it that much higher. It’s pure insane drama but they beat the fire out of each other and you know Shane is going to leave everything out there if he gets the chance. Good stuff here.

Post match Stephanie McMahon runs out to hug Test in a rather over the top celebration.

We recap the Unholy Alliance (Big Show/Undertaker) challenging X-Pac/Kane for the Tag Team Titles. X-Pac and Kane are the unlikely duo with the titles and Show/Undertaker are the big evil monsters. Show/Undertaker want to hurt everyone, including the champs, because they just like to beat people up.

X-Pac says this is a mismatch on paper but this isn’t paper. Kane’s inverted black and red gear makes this that much better.

Tag Team Titles: X-Pac/Kane vs. Unholy Alliance

The Alliance is challenging and has Paul Bearer with them. It’s a brawl to start with Show being knocked outside and X-Pac’s high crossbody getting two on Undertaker. The kickout sends X-Pac flying though and it’s already time for the beating. X-Pac gets in some right hands and hands it off to Kane for more of the same. Undertaker isn’t having that and knocks X-Pac silly but Kane breaks up a chokeslam on the floor.

Back in and Undertaker gets in that running DDT of his, allowing Show to come in for the rather loud chops. With the chopping not getting him very far, Show goes with the chokes and knee drops. A powerslam drops Kane again and it’s back to Undertaker, meaning it’s a double clothesline to leave them both down. X-Pac comes back in for the spinwheel kick, earning himself a right hand to the face.

They go outside with Undertaker crotching X-Pac on the post, followed by a low headbutt from Show to really emphasize the point. The bearhug goes on so X-Pac bites the nose and goes low on both monsters (works for the referee, who even winces at it). Kane comes back in and everything breaks down, with Undertaker getting knocked to the floor. X-Pac posts him but walking to Show’s chokeslam back inside. Show’s cover with one foot gets two but it’s a ticked off Undertaker with a Tombstone for the titles at 12:10.

Rating: C+. This went too long and while I do love seeing 1999 X-Pac get pummeled, it lost its charm by the end. There was pretty much no conceivable way for the champs to retain here and it made sense for the monsters to just turn it on and win in the end. X-Pac and Kane have grown on me a bit over the years and they were good as the big man/little man team. At some point the little man has to lose though and that’s what happened in the end here.

Steve Austin has no time to listen to Jesse Ventura.

Billy Gunn vs. The Rock

The loser has to give the winner a kiss in a certain area but Gunn brings out a lady (you can guess what she looks like) for Rock to kiss instead. Gunn jumps him to start and gets knocked outside for his efforts. Rock drags him to the entrance for a right hand as the referee is again fine with all of this. They trade rams into the barricade until Gunn is sent into the Lion’s Den cage.

Back at ringside and Gunn sends him into the steps, followed by a bell shot as they actually go inside (after about five minutes on the floor). A neckbreaker cuts off Rock’s comeback and Gunn drops an elbow on the apron. Back in and Gunn’s bulldog gets a rather delayed two so Rock hits that running clothesline out of the corner. The Maivia Hurricane drops Gunn again and they’re both down.

Rock’s swinging neckbreaker gets two but Gunn is right back with a heck of a Fameasser. Instead of covering though, Gunn brings the woman in and she leans over in the corner. You know exactly where this is going and the disgusted Gunn is Rock Bottomed and People’s Elbowed for the pin at 10:12.

Rating: C. This was all about setting up one screwy ending and there was no reason to believe that the Rock was going to leave here. That’s not the most thrilling thing, but it’s better than trying to take a man named Mr. A** seriously. It’s not terrible, but this was more about the comedy and that made for a long ten minutes. Gunn is a talented wrestler. He just wasn’t going to be a big deal with this gimmick no matter how much he was pushed.

And then there’s no kiss after the match. What a ripoff.

We recap the WWF Title match and….yeah this was a lot. So WWF Champion Steve Austin was attacked and Chyna became #1 contender but then Mankind became the #1 contender but then HHH became the #1 contender as well thanks to two guest referees. It was so bad that Linda McMahon got involved to announce the triple threat title match. Got all that? Yeah it doesn’t really matter because it’s 1999 and a lot of stuff didn’t wind up mattering.

WWF Title: Steve Austin vs. Mankind vs. HHH

Austin is defending, Chyna is here with HHH and Jesse Ventura is guest referee. Before the match, Ventura grabs the mic and says that he has been criticized for doing this. He’s proud that he was a wrestler and he’s proud to be here tonight. Here here indeed. HHH jumps Austin on the way in but gets taken outside by Mankind. Austin gets in a clothesline on HHH as JR sounds surprised by Austin and Mankind having chemistry (a rare miss to not bring up them being former Tag Team Champions).

Back in and HHH gets double teamed some more with Mankind hitting the running knee lift…but hugging Austin. He earns the ensuing right hands from Austin but the Stunner is blocked, with Austin being sent into HHH. The two of them head outside with Austin dropping Mankind with a clothesline but getting jumped by HHH. A chair to the leg has Austin down and Ventura asks the crowd if HHH uses the chair. Chyna crotches Mankind against the post and that means an ejection, much to HHH and Chyna’s annoyance.

Austin is back up so HHH wraps the knee around the post and then gets in a chop block as Mankind is down in the other corner. Back up and Mankind actually helps HHH double stomp Austin in the corner, which has the fans confused. Austin sends Mankind outside but HHH wraps the knee around the post again to cut that off. HHH gets pulled into the post and they all fight into the crowd, with Austin taking over again. Back in and HHH is catapulted into Mankind, who gets dropped with the Stunner.

HHH makes the save with a chair and then chairs Mankind down but Ventura shakes his head no. Instead Ventura just soaks in some cheers and then says no again, making sure to motion HHH using a chair so the fans get the idea. Here is Shane McMahon to yell at Ventura but Austin is up to give Shane the Stunner.

Ventura throws Shane over the top and yells about how that’s for Shane’s old man (my goodness if there was a way to book a Vince vs. Jesse match, it could have been amazing in so many ways). Austin and HHH clothesline each other but Mankind is back up with a double Mandible Claw. HHH kicks him low and tries a pedigree, with Austin breaking it up. The Stunner hits HHH but Mankind makes a save of his own. HHH Pedigrees Austin but Mankind jumps HHH and grabs the double arm DDT to pin Austin for the title at 16:43.

Rating: B. This was a good match with Ventura being the real highlight, as he felt like he understood the assignment and lived up to the expectations. Austin losing the title isn’t a bad thing as his body was falling apart at this point and he needed the break, but points for him taking the fall in the middle of the ring. Ventura was the big deal here, but the other three worked hard and made it work, even with Austin being so banged up.

Post match Ventura and Mankind leave so HHH destroys Austin’s knee with a chair. Austin is done to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. There are some rough spots in the middle but I liked this for the most part, with the main event and street fight both working. You could tell Russo was still doing a lot of stuff here, but the talent involved was good enough that it could overcome a lot of the insanity. It was a good enough show and if you get rid of some of the weaker midcard stuff, it could have been that much better.

Results
Jeff Jarrett b. D’Lo Brown – Guitar shot from Mark Henry
The Acolytes won Tag Team Turmoil last eliminating the Hollys
Al Snow b. Big Boss Man – Pool balls shot
Ivory b. Tori – Sitdown splash
Ken Shamrock b. Steve Blackman via knockout
Test b. Shane McMahon – Top rope elbow
Unholy Alliance b. X-Pac/Kane – Tombstone to X-Pac
The Rock b. Billy Gunn – People’s Elbow
Mankind b. HHH and Steve Austin – Double arm DDT to Austin

Remember to follow me on Twitter and Bluesky @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

John Cena On Velocity
Commentators: Marc Lloyd, Michael Cole, Tazz, Ernest Miller, Josh Matthews

This is firmly in the “oh well why not” category as the WWE Vault comes through with another totally random collection. Velocity was the low level Saturday night show for a good while and since Cena wasn’t exactly a star yet, he was around for a good while. That should make for an interesting collection so let’s get to it.

From September 7, 2002.

John Cena vs. Chavo Guerrero

They fight over a lockup to start as commentary talks about the recent international tours. Guerrero takes him down into an armbar, which doesn’t last very long. Guerrero begs off and lures Cena in for some working on the leg. The leg is wrapped around the rope and a dropkick gives Guerrero two.

Cena fights up and gets elbowed right back down, with Guerrero cranking on the leg again. A Muta Lock has Cena in more trouble and the dropkick to the knee cuts him down again. Back up and Cena gets a boot up in the corner, allowing him to small package Guerrero for the win at 6:30.

Rating: C. This was a totally basic match and that’s what Cena needed at this point. He had only been around for a few months so putting him out there with someone like Guerrero for an easy to follow match was the right idea. Guerrero was a great choice for making others look good and he did it again here, which is why he has been around for so long.

From September 28, 2002.

John Cena vs. Reverend D-Von

Cena takes him down by the arm to start and cranks away with a rollup getting two. Back up and D-Von knocks him outside to take over. They get back inside with one heck of a clothesline getting two on Cena, who manages to avoid a middle rope elbow. Back up and Cena hits a dropkick into a swinging fisherman’s neckbreaker for two of his own. The right hands in the corner are cut off with a diving neckbreaker for two but Cena grabs a quick sunset flip for the pin at 5:13.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t as interesting as the Guerrero match as Dudley wasn’t exactly making Cena look great. The finish coming out of nowhere again isn’t the best sign for Cena either, as both of his wins have felt like he’s just stealing pins rather than definitively beating anyone. He’s winning, but that’s only getting him so much.

Post match D-Von lays him out, much to Tazz’s approval.

From October 5, 2002.

John Cena vs. Albert

Albert powers him around to start but Cena is back up with the right hands in the corner. That earns Albert a SHAVE YOUR BACK chant so he slugs Cena down without much trouble. A running shot in the corner gets two and Albert rakes Cena’s eyes on the mat. The running splash in the corner connects for two more as I try to figure out why Albert’s torso is so much more tanned than his legs.

Albert lays him on the top for some forearms to the chest but Cena gets in a belly to back suplex for two of his own. The pump kick gives Albert two more and I was surprised by that kickout. Back up and Cena grabs a ProtoBomb out of nowhere (that’s some nice power) for the pin at 5:21.

Rating: C+. Now this is where you’re getting more into Cena’s wheelhouse, as he was getting to do more of a power brawl here. Cena knew how to make a comeback (well at least one at his level here) and make it believable, which worked out well enough. Throw in the impressive power display at the end and you could see what would work for Cena in the future.

From November 30, 2002.

John Cena vs. Danny DeNucci

NOW we get interesting as Cena not only has Bull Buchanan (B Squared) as his muscle but he’s also a rapper who tells the Columbia, South Carolina fans to go sleep with their sisters. DeNucci actually hits a clothesline to start as commentary wonders why DeNucci has blue hair. Cena fights back and chokes on the rope, setting up a hard elbow to the jaw for two. The ProtoBomb (or close to one) gets two on DeNucci, who is right back with a middle rope clothesline. A running bulldog gives DeNucci two of his own but Cena is back with a heck of a clothesline. The ProtoBomb finishes for Cena at 4:02.

Rating: C. This was more about DeNucci looking surprisingly good than anything else as Cena was still figuring out what to do in the ring with the rapping stuff. It’s still a work in progress but the new character is such an improvement. The generic Cena wasn’t going to last so this was a huge and necessary upgrade.

From December 7, 2002.

John Cena vs. Paul London

Bull Buchanan is with Cena, who wrestles London down without much trouble to start. Back up and Cena misses a charge into the corner, allowing London to snap off a spinwheel kick. A crossbody misses though and Cena gives him that big clothesline that he usually gives for his last possible option. Buchanan’s cheap shot gives Cena two more and he grabs the seated full nelson. With that broken up, Cena spends too much time jawing with a fan and gets enziguried. A springboard spinning crossbody puts Cena down again and a springboard moonsault gets two. Cena is right back up with the ProtoBomb for the pin at 4:24.

Rating: C+. Believe it or not, London looked good in defeat here but you can see Cena still doing a lot of the same things. There wasn’t much here that made him stand out, as he only had so much in the ring. The good thing though is he has the fans getting mad at him and that is going going to open up a lot of doors for him going forward.

From December 28, 2002.

John Cena vs. Chuck Palumbo

Buchanan is still here and Cena raps about how terrible it is to be in Oklahoma. Palumbo charges in to clear the ring and hits Cena with a right hand on the floor to start fast. They get inside with Palumbo knocking him down for two but a Buchanan distraction lets Cena get in a running clothesline.

A suplex gives Cena two and he grabs the seated full nelson. That’s broken up so Cena elbows him (in the arm) for two more, setting up another full nelson. Palumbo fights out again and hits a running clothesline, followed by a spinning belly to belly for two. An overhead belly to belly sends Cena flying and a spinning right hand drops him again. Buchanan comes in and gets Jungle Kicked (not well either), allowing Cena to hit a low blow for the pin at 5:08.

Rating: C-. I wasn’t feeling this one as it was really just showing that Cena was still trying to figure out a bunch of the little things. He’s doing well with playing to the crowd, but a lot of these matches finish out of nowhere. The stuff before that is ok enough, but it’s still not really flowing well from start to finish.

From February 8, 2003 and you might have seen this one before.

John Cena vs. Bryan Danielson

For whatever reason, this is listed as Cena vs. Brock Lesnar on the YouTube chapter descriptions. Danielson goes after the arm to start and Cena (in long pants instead of trunks here) actually takes him down. A crank of the arm lets Danielson get in a drop toehold and it’s off to a quickly broken Kimura.

Cena takes him down again with a test of strength but can’t break Danielson’s bridge. He can however kick Danielson in the ribs and elbow him in the face for two, meaning it’s time for some frustration. Back up and Cena grabs a bearhug of all things, which is broken up rather quickly. Danielson strikes away but walks into the ProtoBomb to give Cena the pin at 3:42.

Rating: C+. Believe it or not, Danielson is someone who can help Cena do a better job of stringing a match together. This was Cena working on the ribs and Danielson fighting to stay in there until Cena hit a big move to win. Danielson was of course a nobody at this point, but they would headline Summerslam about ten years later. Wrestling is a weird, weird place.

From June 21, 2003.

John Cena vs. Funaki

The jorts are here! Funaki strikes away to start fast and snaps off a headscissors. Cena knocks him down but misses an elbow as commentary is surprised at how fast Funaki is starting. Back up and Cena sends him into the corner and hits the big clothesline to start the trash talk. Matthews wonders what You Can’t See Me means but the discussion is cut off as Cena ducks a crossbody. The delayed vertical suplex puts Funaki down for two and we’re off to the chinlock. Funaki fights out again and grabs a tornado DDT for two of his own. The crucifix is loaded up but Cena reverses into the FU for the pin at 3:43.

Rating: C. Oh yeah now Cena has come a long way in about four months. This was FAR closer to the version of Cena you would have expected, down to the look and finisher. He was also getting ready to turning good and that worked about as well as possible. You can see the things coming together, and that’s only going to make things better for him.

From May 1, 2004.

US Title: John Cena vs. Akio

Cena, now a full on good guy, is defending and Akio charges at him to start fast. The fans go nuts as Cena fights back, only to have Akio’s associate Sakoda cut off the Throwback. Akio kicks away in the corner but Cena gives him the running clothesline out of the corner. A side slam sets up the Five Knuckle Shuffle and Cena pumps up the shoes. The FU is loaded up and, after swinging Akio at Sakoda, Cena retains at 1:59. The fans went NUTS on the pin and my goodness Cena is a star.  This might as well have been a different person from the rest of the matches in this collection.

Overall Rating: C. So as you can tell, there wasn’t much to a lot of these matches and most of them were just ways to get Cena in the ring to build up some more experience. Things would get better near the end as Cena absolutely exploded near the end, with the last match having Cena feel like a mega star. To say that Cena had bigger moments would be an understatement, but it is fun to see a quick look like this at the very formative months.

Remember to follow me on Twitter and Bluesky @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Iconic Tag Teams Earliest Appearances Collection
Commentators: Gordon Solie, Keith Hart, Jim Ross, Mr. Perfect, Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, Michael Hayes, Dean Hill, Jim Cornette, Byron Saxton, Kevin Patrick, Bruno Sammartino, Al Snow

This is part of Tag Team Week on the WWE Vault and in this case it’s a look back at when some famous tag teams first got together. I’m going to assume there is an unseen asterisk that says “on television in a big promotion” but I’ll take what I can get. This has the potential to be rather interesting so let’s get to it.

From a Smackdown dark match, September 16, 2003.

Paul London/Spanky vs. Albert/Sean O’Haire

What a random heel team. Albert shoves Spanky (Brian Kendrick) down to start and unloads on him in the corner. Spanky gets in some right hands of his own but O’Haire comes in for a chop. It’s off to London to strike away but Albert cuts him off, including the catapult into the bottom rope for two.

O’Haire plants him in the corner for two and the slow beating ensues. London manages a double knockdown with O’Haire though and it’s Spanky coming in to pick up the pace. Albert charges into a boot in the corner and Spanky hits a tornado DDT for two. London and O’Haire go outside, leaving Spanky to reverse the Baldo Bomb into a bulldog. O’Haire interrupts though and Albert’s over the shoulder backbreaker finishes Spanky at 7:49.

Rating: C+. That’s quite the interesting tryout, as rather than getting a win over the makeshift team, London and Spanky lose in their first time out. I’m not sure the point of that as it’s not like the masses were going to see it, but you could see the chemistry already coming together. A fast paced young team is something that works almost every time and London/Spanky did it very well.

From Georgia Championship Wrestling TV, June 11, 1983.

Road Warriors vs. Randy Barber/Joe Young

And yes, this actually is their first time teaming together (at least on television). They’re also in matching leather hats and vests, with Paul Ellering wearing a snazzy top hat. The Warriors are also the National Tag Team Champions, winning the titles in a tournament that didn’t actually happen. Hawk drives Barber into the corner and it’s off to Animal to drop a leg. Young comes in and gets forearmed in the corner, followed by a double clothesline. A slingshot splash finishes for Hawk at 2:05. Total squash, as it should have been.

From a WWE house show, October 4, 2014.

Kofi Kingston/Xavier Woods vs. Stardust/Goldust

I’m not sure if Goldust and Stardust’s Raw Tag Team Titles are on the line here or not but Big E. is here with the not yet New Day. Actually Stardust clarifies that this is NOT a title match, which is some nice attention to detail. After confirming that we are in Trenton, New Jersey and arguing about whether or not the town is awful, we’re ready to go with Kingston and Stardust starting tings off.

They fight over a top wristlock and then trade some flips, with Stardust stopping to dance. Kingston sticks the landing on a monkey flip and sends Stardust into the corner for the tag off to Woods. The Honor Roll gets two and it’s time to work on Stardust’s arm. Kingston’s high crossbody gets two but Stardust takes him up against the ropes for a shot from Goldust. Kingston is right back with a jumping back elbow and Woods gets two off a middle rope clothesline as the fans are only somewhat into this.

They fight to the floor for something we can’t see (single stationary camera and all that) and come back inside for Goldust’s chinlock on Woods. That doesn’t last long so it’s the snap powerslam so Stardust can come back in to stomp away. Another chinlock goes on and for a bit longer this time, though Woods is able to shove off the ensuing bulldog attempt. Kingston comes back in to clean house and everything breaks down. The referee tries to get Woods out, leaving a springboard spinning kick to the head Hart Attack to drop Kingston for two. Woods is back up for UpUpDownDown to pin Goldust at 10:43.

Rating: C+. Much like London and Spanky, you could see the foundations from the start here, though they had a long way to go with the details. What mattered the most was Kingston and Woods (with Big E. of course) working well together. They had the athleticism and natural chemistry and those are the kinds of things that are either there or not from the start.

From Stampede Wrestling, July 11, 1983.

Dynamite Kid/Davey Boy Smith vs. Cuban Assassin/Ciclon Negro

As tends to be the case, we’re joined in progress with a brawl on the floor before Assassin takes Kid (bleeding from an attack by Bad News Allen earlier in the night) inside. Smith, who was jumped earlier as well, tries to make a save but gets tossed as well. We settle down to Negro hammering on Kid up against the ropes but he accidentally elbows Assassin. The tag brings Smith back in to clean house, including letting Negro hit Assassin AGAIN.

A dropkick takes Assassin down, followed by a headscissors and headlock takeover at the same time (a big spot in 1983). The villains finally get it together and send Smith into the corner, which lasts all of a few seconds before it’s back to the rather bloody Kid. Some flips and clotheslines have Negro down but he manages a knee to the ribs to cut Kid off. Negro runs into Assassin for the third time in less than five minutes, allowing Kid to drop a knee for the pin at 5:45.

Rating: C. I wasn’t feeling this one as much as it came off more like the villains screwing up more than Kid and Smith winning. They idea of Kid and Smith being in trouble and having to overcome adversity was fine, but it didn’t feel like they were better. The Assassin and Negro seemed to run out of ideas rather quickly and that only helped the good guys so much.

From Superstars, June 1, 1996.

New Rockers vs. Hardy Boyz

The entrances let commentary plug the Ultimate Warrior’s comic book and you can hear Vince hating it. Cassidy and Matt start things off with Cassidy easily taking him down. Jeff is pulled in and the Hardys are sent outside, setting up some dives and….I guess dancing from the Rockers. Commentary isn’t sure what is wrong with Jannetty and that is an essay question we don’t have time to answer.

Jeff’s bandanna is pulled over his eyes to keep up the beating. Cassidy gets in a nasty spinning belly to belly and a double elbow drops Jeff for two. The Rockers get Jeff up for a kind of Alley Oop/top rope bulldog combination (which doesn’t really work for the most part) for the pin at 3:41.

Rating: C+. Total destruction and it’s bizarre to see, but the Hardys would wind up being fine while the New Rockers are a punch line. The Rockers were little more than a running joke and they weren’t going to be a big deal, but they were still decent enough in the ring. This was more of a case of the Hardys being a detail, but you have to start somewhere.

From the Global Wrestling Federation, April 17, 1992.

Ebony Experience vs. Brute Force

This might be interesting as you might not know which is the important team. In this case it would be the Experience, who would show up in WCW the next year as Harlem Heat. If you’ve never heard of Global….well just be lucky actually, as it was not very good. Booker is backed up to the ropes by #1 to start as Gorgeous Gary Young joins commentary to scout. Stevie comes in with a double clothesline to clear the ring. #2 comes in and gets kneed in the face as Young isn’t overly impressed so far.

Booker gets clotheslined down but pops up with the yet to be named Spinarooni, only to get taken into the wrong corner. Commentary remembers that Brute Force are actually Slammer and Jammer (I’m guessing someone gave him a note) as Booker misses a charge into the corner. Jammer (I guess, though I can’t imagine it matters) misses a dropkick but avoids a clothesline. Booker is back up with a clothesline, allowing the tag off to Ray (commentary gets the Experience confused) as everything breaks down. Jammer shoves the referee down and it’s a DQ at 5:54.

Rating: C-. While this wasn’t the team’s debut (they had begun teaming in the late 80s), it was their first spot in a bigger promotion. You could see the team working together well, which makes sense for brothers. Brute Force was….well hey did you see the Experience? They were pretty good.

Post match we get a tease of an interview with BARRY HOROWITZ but we have to go to the next match. Dang it that’s such an unfair tease.

From a Wrestling Challenge dark match, April 5, 1993.

Kip Winchester/Barry vs. Barry Horowitz/Reno Riggins

I’m guessing the ring announcer got confused, as Winchester’s partner is named Brett Colt and the team will eventually be known as the Smoking Gunns (the better known Billy and Bart Gunn names would come with their next dark match). We take a good while for the Gunns to be ready and the women REALLY seem to approve. Or maybe they’re fans of Horowitz’s mullet. Either way, Billy (er, Kip) grabs a headlock, followed by a hiptoss into an armbar. Bart (er…eh I did that joke already) comes in to stay on the arm and an assisted Russian legsweep gets two.

Riggins avoids a crossbody and Bart is taken into the wrong corner so the alternating beatdowns can ensue. Horowitz’s catapult sends him into the bottom rope and a northern lights suplex gets two. The abdominal stretch goes on for a bit, followed by Horowitz’s jawbreaker for two more. The chinlock is broken up and a collision gives us a double down. Billy comes in to clean house with some dropkicks and a powerslam plants Riggins. A spinning side slam plants Riggins again and Billy hits a not great looking top rope bulldog for the pin at 8:41 (and Barry is suddenly Brett Colt).

Rating: C. The Gunns were basically what they would become right out of the gate and that’s fine. The cowboy trope has been done for decades in wrestling and it still works here. Throw in something like the cap guns they fired off before the match and you easily get the idea of the team. It’s not a good or memorable match at all, but it was a case of what you see is what you get, which is fine.

From WCW TV, June 10, 1989.

Steiner Brothers vs. The Raider/Snake Brown

The Steiners had already had some house show matches but close enough. Also, Raider is Randy Barber, who was in the Road Warriors’ first match as well. Rick has a big fan in the crowd and gives her his jacket in a nice moment. Scott powerslams Raider down and gives hands it off to Rick, who runs both of them over. The Steiners clear the ring, allowing Rick to jump onto Scott’s back for a bit. Brown comes in and gets caught with Scott’s spinning belly to belly, followed by Rick’s overhead version. An elbow gives Rick the pin at 1:47.

Post match the Varsity Club comes in and get beaten up in a hurry before their match at the Clash Of Champions the next week.

From OVW TV, April 17, 2004.

Joey Matthews/Johnny Nitro vs. Matt Cappotelli/Maven

Melina is here with Matthews and Nitro. We’re joined in progress with Matthews getting beaten down and sent outside for the introductions and opening bell. Matthews gets elbowed in the face by Maven, allowing Cappotelli to come in for a legdrop. A double clothesline drops Nitro and Matthews with Nitro bailing to the floor. That lets Nitro hide behind Melina and Matthews gets in a cheap shot from behind.

Back in and a bridging northern lights suplex gets two on Cappotelli, allowing Nitro to come in. An uppercut to the back of the neck gets two but Matthews accidentally crashes into Nitro. Cappotelli bulldogs his way over to Maven to clean house, including a missile dropkick for two on Nitro with Matthews making the save. Melina comes in to rake Maven’s eyes and Nitro’s spinning fisherman’s suplex finishes at 4:50.

Rating: C. Now this was a case where the team had a lot of development to go, as MNM was pretty much just there in name only. They were all there, but they didn’t have the look or gimmick whatsoever. That would come in time, but for now it was pretty much Morrison’s athleticism carrying things. As for the match, you’re in a bit of trouble when Maven is your biggest star.

From Main Event, September 16, 2021 (oddly enough the last episode I watched when I was regularly covering Main Event).

Humberto Carrillo/Angel Garza vs. Lucha House Party

Carrillo and Garza (Los Garza) being introduced as “iconic” is more than a bit of a stretch. Carrillo and Metalik trade some armdrags to start before Dorado comes in with a top rope hurricanrana. The pop up dropkick sends Garza outside and the Party hit stereo flip dives as we take a break.

We come back with Metalik hitting a top rope splash for two and grabbing a chinlock on Carrillo. That’s broken up and it’s back to Garza for a backbreaker. Carrillo suplexes Metalik for two more but Metalik is back with a super hurricanrana. Dorado gets the tag and cleans some house, including a running headscissors to Garza. A nice superkick sets up a high crossbody for two, followed by the Golden Rewind. Metalik’s moonsault sets up Dorado’s moonsault for two as Garza makes the save. Garza comes in, TAKES OFF HIS PANTS, and hits the Wing Clipper for the pin at 6:02.

Rating: C+. This was one of the better matches thus far, which shouldn’t be a surprise as it takes a bit more time to get to WWE TV (as low as Main Event might be) than some of the other places these matches have aired. Carrillo and Garza are far from “iconic”, but I guess they needed to fill in some time. The House Party is something that can work at pretty much any time and they were starting to click when they were split up.

From an AWA house show, April 19, 1987.

Tag Team Tournament First Round: Nasty Boys vs. Curt Hennig/Greg Gagne

The Nastys (Brian Knobbs and Jerry Saganowich (his real name), as they were still workshopping the whole thing) are in their second match together, which I think we can call close enough. Hennig and Knobbs start things off with Knobbs ducking a right hand, which hits Gagne instead.

Back up and Hennig stares at Knobbs a bit before Knobbs drops him with a shoulder. Sags comes in and gets caught with a running dropkick into an armdrag as apparently Knobbs is the key to the team. It’s back to Knobbs for a clothesline so Sags comes back in. That’s fine with Hennig, as he and Gagne take turns working on the leg. Gagne sits on the leg and grabs a standing Figure Four.

With that broken up, so Gagne kicks the leg out again and cranks away. More kicks finally draw Knobbs in for the save before he gets in legally, with a headlock takeover to Hennig. Sags distracts the referee so Knobbs can choke away in the corner but Hennig gets in a shoulder for the double down. The stereo tags bring in Gagne and Sags, with the former getting in a double noggin knocker. The dropkick hits Sags and Hennig’s missile dropkick finishes at 10:54.

Rating: C+. The Nasty Boys weren’t really close to what they would become here, as they more or less wrestled a really basic match rather than their traditional brawling style. Putting them in there with a team as experienced as Hennig and Gagne was smart as they can help with anyone, though the Boys had a long way to go. That being said, they picked it up fast, which is all the more impressive.

From (I believe) WWC, October 14, 1987.

Wild Samoans vs. Miguel Ramos/Sabu

It isn’t the famous Samoans, but rather Fatu and Samu, who would become known as the Headshrinkers. It’s also not the famous Sabu, but rather the wrestler who would be better known as Invader #1. Samu takes Sabu back into to the corner to start and gives him an early slam. A spinwheel kick drops Sabu again and it’s off to Fatu for a belly to back suplex/clothesline combination. Ramos comes in and is immediately knocked down for a falling headbutt. With Sabu knocked to the floor, a belly to back superplex sets up a Superfly Splash to give Fatu the pin at 4:09.

Rating: C. This was kind of a weird pick as the team was pretty much nothing like what they would become. This was more the Samoan Gangster Party under a different name and as a longtime Headshrinkers fan, I’m glad they made the change. The top rope splash looked great as usual though, and stuff like that was enough to give the team a chance.

From Championship Wrestling, April 20, 1985.

Hart Foundation vs. Mario Mancini/SD Jones

Jimmy Hart is here with the Foundation. Neidhart powers Jones up against the ropes to start and they trade some shoves. Mancini comes in to work on the arm and is quickly forearmed down. Hart adds a dropkick and rakes Mancini’s eyes over the rope. The Hart Attack finishes at 2:39. Total squash, with the finish looking great of course.

From OVW TV, May 24, 2006.

Southern Tag Team Titles: Cryme Tyme vs. Kasey James/Roadkill

James and Roadkill are defending. James and the Neighborhoodie (JTG) start things off with the latter grabbing some early slams. Neighborhoodie leapfrogs him and stops to dance, only to walk into a slam from James. Roadkill comes in for a World’s Strongest Slam but a Vader Bomb misses. It’s off to Gaspard to kick Roadkill down for two and Neighborhoodie adds a pop up splash in the corner.

Roadkill fights out of the corner without too much trouble though and it’s back to James to pick up the pace. Gaspard is there to cut him off before missing a splash. That’s enough for Roadkill to come back in and clean house, including a Boss Man Slam for two on Neighborhoodie. Everything breaks down with James and then Roadkill hitting some running corner splashes. Roadkill’s top rope splash connects but cue Cherry for a distraction. Deuce N Domino run in with Cherry’s skates to knock Roadkill silly and put Neighborhoodie on top for the pin and the titles at 6:25.

Rating: C. This was a rather odd choice to end on, as Cryme Tyme was more of a product of their time than anything remotely important long term. The Neighborhoodie was basically the same as he would be as JTG, while Gaspard needed some adjustments. The gimmick didn’t seem to be there yet either, but that’s the point of being in developmental.

Overall Rating: C+. The thing to remember here is that these were the teams’ first (or close enough) appearances. They all needed to be fine tuned to become the versions that would work during their heydays. That being said, for what is in essence a bunch of prequels, this was a fun look back, even with some rather odd choices for teams. They could easily do something else like this, and that’s something I could definitely see happening with the way the Vault goes.

Remember to follow me on Twitter and Bluesky @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Wrestlemania Dark Matches
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Tazz, Todd Grisham, Matt Striker, Joey Styles, Josh Matthews

So this is pretty much as simple as you can get, with the WWE Vault releasing a collection of matches from before the full Wrestlemania cards begin. These matches are tasked with getting the show going and that can make for some interesting options. Some of these are going to be a lot better than others but they can be a lot of fun. Let’s get to it.

From Wrestlemania XVIII.

Mr. Perfect/Lance Storm/Test vs. Rikishi/Albert/Scotty 2 Hotty

Albert and Storm start things off and Jacqueline is the referee. A sitout press slam gives Albert two and it’s off to Scotty, who gets taken down with a leg lariat. Test comes in for a hard corner clothesline but Storm misses a middle rope elbow. Rikishi comes in for a Samoan drop on Perfect (who bounces off like a backdrop for a weird look) and Scotty Worms Storm to send him outside. The Albert Bomb (chokebomb) hits Test and it’s a Stinkface to Perfect, who is smart enough to pull up his towel just in time. Said towel gets stuck on Rikishi, who hits the Banzai Drop for the pin at 3:07.

Rating: C. Fast paced match but they didn’t have time to do much. You’re only going to get so much out of six people in just over three minutes but they managed to make it work well enough. If nothing else, points for not having one of the Canadians take the fall, which would have been such a WWF thing to do in Toronto.

Post match the winners and Jacqueline dance.

From Wrestlemania XXIII.

Ric Flair/Carlito vs. Gregory Helms/Chavo Guerrero

This is a lumberjack match and Guerrero is the “Cruiserweight of the World” because Lilian Garcia makes a lot of mistakes. To make things even weirder, there is a big curtain over the entrance as the set hasn’t been revealed yet. Helms backs Flair into the corner to start but gets hiptossed for his efforts. Carlito comes in and gets poked in the eye, allowing Chavo to come in and get dropped in a hurry. A dropkick sends Chavo outside so Snitsky throws him back inside without much trouble. Back in and Helms takes over with a chinlock on Carlito and it’s back to Chavo as Cole puts over the awesomeness of Detroit.

The slow beating continues as there is very little heat to the whole thing as it’s already running long. Carlito gets in a shot of his own and brings in Flair to chop away. Helms breaks up the Figure Four so Carlito comes in as everything breaks down. Chavo misses the frog splash though and it’s back to Carlito to clean house. Helms gets backdropped onto the lumberjacks and Carlito hits a quick Backstabber to pin Chavo (because OF COURSE the champion had to take the fall) at 6:38.

Rating: C-. The point here was to get Flair in the ring and to have a bunch of people get on the DVD as a lumerback. That doesn’t make for the most thrilling match though as they went a lot longer than they should have. It wasn’t an interesting match in the first place and then it went long, which is never a good combination.

From Wrestlemania XXII.

Battle Royal

Eugene, Viscera, Snitsky, Goldust, Lance Cade, Rob Conway, Tyson Tomko, Trevor Murdoch, Matt Striker, Super Crazy, Funaki, Steven Richards, Simon Dean, Joey Mercury, Johnny Nitro, Psicosis, Animal, William Regal

Officially this is Raw vs. Smackdown, but it’s also every man for themselves so the logic is kind of contradictory. Cole: “I guess we have to be impartial here.” Tazz: “Why?” Simon Dean tries to tell us to get in shape and is promptly eliminated first. Brawling on the ropes ensues and Conway is out, followed by Funaki. Cade (Cole: “Who’s that?”) is out and Richards takes too much time posing, meaning he’s eliminated as well.

There goes Striker (thankfully) and Regal gets hit with Shattered Dreams. Murdoch dumps Eugene as the ring is thankfully clearing out a bit. Psicosis gets rid of Goldust in an upset and Eugene stops for a reunion with Regal. Snitsky isn’t having the risk of that being his fault so he tosses Regal without much effort. MNM hits a Snapshot on Eugene to get rid of him as well and we settle down to the final four from each show getting into a staredown. Psicosis gets rid of Murdoch and then gets knocked out by Tomko to get us down to six.

Tomko and Snitsky beat up Animal and Viscera crushes MNM in various corners. MNM fight back (the Melina screams might be powering them on) and avoid a Viscera charge, only to make the mistake of trying a Snapshot. The double Visagra (if you don’t know, don’t ask) has Melina cringing before MNM is out. Snitsky accidentally knocks Tomko out and it’s Animal left with Viscera and Snitsky, as I’ll let you guess who the Chicago fans are behind. For some reason Animal is eliminated and Snitsky misses a charge so Viscera wins at 9:03 without touching him.

Rating: D+. Why would you put Animal this close to getting the win in a meaningless battle royal on the pre-show and then have him lose for the sake of Snitsky and Viscera? This was the second time I’ve seen this match in about a month and it still doesn’t make a ton of sense. Maybe Viscera couldn’t take a bump over the top, but egads this seemed like it could have been a fun moment and it wound up just being forgettable.

From Wrestlemania XXV.

Tag Team Titles: John Morrison/The Miz vs. Colons

This is a lumberjack match to unify both sets of Tag Team Titles, with commentary saying this kind of match has NEVER happened before, about ten minutes after we saw it in the same collection. Primo and Morrison start things off with Primo getting in a headstand in the corner, setting up a hurricanrana to send Morrison outside. The beating lets Primo get two and it’s Carlito coming in for a double slingshot drop. Carlito misses a shot of his own though and it’s off to Miz for his Wrestlemania in-ring debut.

This goes as badly as you would expect, with Carlito knocking him down and hitting a double springboard flip dive. Morrison grabs Carlito by the hair though and throws him outside, nearly triggering a brawl with the lumberjacks. Back in and Carlito gets caught in a double hot shot for two and Miz grabs a chinlock. Carlito fights up for a double knockdown and does it again with Morrison, which is enough to bring Primo back in to clean house.

Some flips set up a dropkick (as Miz might not have been in position in time) but Morrison is right back in with the Flying Chuck for two. Everything breaks down and Carlito spears Miz through the ropes, leaving Morrison to roll through Primo’s high crossbody for two more. Morrison tries a reverse suplex but Primo flips over into a Backstabber in a sweet counter for the pin and the titles at 8:22.

Rating: B-. This was a more traditional match as the lumberjacks were barely a factor. The Colons winning was a nice way to go as it’s a bit of a surprise and a fun surprise to start the night. If nothing else, the finish was more than good enough to make for a big ending. Good stuff here, and one of the better pre-show matches to date.

From Wrestlemania XXIV.

Battle Royal

Elijah Burke, The Miz, Chuck Palumbo, Snitsky, Deuce, Tommy Dreamer, Shannon Moore, Jamie Noble, Kofi Kingston, Festus, Cody Rhodes, Lance Cade, Hardcore Holly, Jesse, Stevie Richards, Trevor Murdoch, The Brian Kendrick, The Great Khali, Jimmy Wang Yang, Domino, Mark Henry, Val Venis, Kane, Jim Duggan

For an ECW Title shot on the main card. It’s a brawl to start and Deuce and Domino are both out in a hurry. Khali chops away at some people as Tazz recommends hiding in the corner. There goes Duggan and Burke knocks out Richards, only to get tossed by Kane. It’s time for the required Kane vs. Khali fight before Miz is eliminated. Henry dumps out Yang and Moore and Jesse follows them both. There goes Murdoch and Festus is out, followed by Kendrick in a big crash.

Henry easily throws Kingston out and Palumbo tosses Noble…who lands on Kingston and climbs back inside (so THAT’S where Kingston learned it). Then he’s tossed out again. A bunch of people get together to toss Khali and Snitsky gets rid of Holly. We’re down to Kane, Snitsky and Henry, with the fans getting WAY into this. Snitsky spends too much time glaring and gets knocked out by Henry, leaving us with two. Henry’s gorilla press is broken up and Kane kicks him out for the win and the title shot (he would win the title in about ten seconds) at 6:22.

Rating: C. The important thing here is they kept it moving rather than waiting around for a long time. These things are only going to have a small handful of realistic winners so clearing them out that fast is a good way to go. ECW needed some bigger stars and Kane certainly fits the bill so this was a nice cross between smart and efficient.

From Wrestlemania XXIX.

Intercontinental Title: The Miz vs. Wade Barrett

Miz is challenging and kicks away in the corner, only to get hit in the face to cut that off. Barrett hammers away, shouts about Miz’s lack of awesomeness, but can’t hit the Wasteland. Miz can’t get the Skull Crushing Finale either though and Barrett is back with a swinging Boss Man Slam for two. The Bull Hammer misses though and Miz gets the Figure Four, giving us a reminder that Ric Flair gave the hold to the Miz. In case you hadn’t praised Flair enough recently you see. Barrett makes the rope and hits the Wasteland for two, only to get caught in the Figure Four for the tap and the title at 4:08.

Rating: C. Nothing much to see here, but at least we got a nice tribute to Ric Flair, who has absolutely nothing to do with this match. The match was just there for the sake of a moment to fire the fans up to start, as Miz would lose the title back to Barrett the next night. I like the idea of a Miz face run, but it wasn’t exactly working here, with the Figure Four not helping things.

From Wrestlemania XXVI.

Battle Royal

Mark Henry, Shad Gaspard, JTG, Goldust, Yoshi Tatsu, Santino Marella, Primo, Kung Fu Naki, Slam Master J., Jimmy Wang Yang, Chris Masters, Vladimir Kozlov, Great Khali, Finlay, William Regal, Luke Gallows, Carlito, Tyler Reks, Zack Ryder, Lance Archer, Mike Knox, Caylen Croft, Trent Beretta, Tyson Kidd, David Hart-Smith, Chavo Guerrero

The NXT rookies come out to watch from the stage and more than a few of them would go on to be bigger than a lot of the people int his match. Primo and J are both out in a hurry as there are too many people in there to be able to focus. Henry tosses Beretta and Croft, followed by Chavo. Khali chops Henry out and then a bunch of people get together to toss him out. Cryme Tyme gets rid of Gallows and then Shad tosses JTG in a funny moment. We slow way down until Masters, Kidd, Smith and Kozlov are thrown out in a row.

Funaki, Goldust, Regal, Gaspard and Regal all go out in a hurry and Santino Hulks Up, meaning it’s a sting of Cobras. Finlay cuts that off and tosses him out, followed by Yang and Archer going out as well. Hornswoggle comes in and helps Finlay hit various people with the shillelagh before Carlito is tossed. We’re down to Finlay, Knox, Ryder and Tatsu, with Ryder eliminating Knox and Finlay at once. Tatsu clotheslines Ryder to the apron and then kicks him out for the win at 8:31.

Rating: C. Nothing to the match, as you probably expected, but Tatsu is the kind of fun guy that you want winning something like this. If you don’t have someone local to win the match, let someone young and energetic like Tatsu take it instead. It didn’t exactly lead anywhere for him, but it also didn’t hurt anyone so go with something entertaining.

Sidenote: Tatsu’s music was so freaking catchy!

From Wrestlemania XIX.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Chief Morley/Lance Storm vs. Kane/Rob Van Dam

Morley/Storm are defending and have the Dudley Boyz in their corner, albeit the Dudleys are not here voluntarily. It’s a brawl to start with Kane and Van Dam clearing the ring without much trouble. Van Dam hits a big running flip dive to take the champs out and we take a break.

Back with Morley grabbing a chinlock on Van Dam before missing a middle rope elbow. Kane comes in to clean house, including the side slam and top rope clothesline to Storm. Van Dam kicks Morley down and the chokeslam plants Storm. The Five Star is broken up but the Dudleys give Storm a 3D…and deck Van Dam to give Storm the pin at 5:41.

Rating: C+. This could have been on any given episode of Raw and, believe it or not, Kane and Van Dam won the titles the next night in a three way match. Kane and Van Dam worked well together and it makes sense to see them getting in a spot like this. Nice match, albeit with an ending that could have been a lot happier given what was happening the next day.

Overall Rating: C. This is a weird thing to see as the matches aren’t supposed to be show stealers or anything close. They’re designed to be there for the sake of getting the crowd warm without spending a lot of time or burning through a big match. The battle royals were fun enough and that’s all this was supposed to be. It’s nothing mind blowing and nothing that hasn’t been seen before, but I’ve seen far worse historic flashbacks.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: April 12, 2001
Location: First Union Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 14,626
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

This was another request for reasons I don’t exactly remember. We are freshly off Wrestlemania X7 and the big story is the Two Man Power Trip (all four of them) are running roughshod over the company. That is going to create some issues and it is time for someone to fight back. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Vince McMahon apologizing to Linda McMahon on Raw, only for Linda to say she wanted a divorce. Like that marriage could ever fall apart. Lita called what Linda did inspiring and got put in a six person tag, teaming with the Hardys against HHH/Steve Austin/Stephanie McMahon. Lita pinned Stephanie and destruction ensued as a result. Austin beating on Lita with a chair and giving her a Stunner are limited to still shots.

Opening sequence.

Here are HHH and Stephanie to get things going, with Steve Austin joining them. HHH talks about how things were pretty great just about a month ago, with The Rock and Chris Jericho as champions and Mick Foley as Commissioner. Now things have changed though, as The Rock is gone and they have taken the titles, just like they wanted to. The Hardys and Lita tried to stand in their way and look what happened.

Everywhere HHH goes or in “the dirt sheets”, he keeps hearing about how they went too far with Lita. The heck with that, because they will tell you when they crossed the line. HHH is that d*** good, Austin is that d*** cold and they are that d*** unstoppable. Eh not sure about that catchphrase. Austin is tired of all the same questions and talks about attacking the Rock at Wrestlemania because he wanted to.

Then Jim Ross asked why Austin did what he did but Austin is tired of Ross riding his coattails. He did it because he could and no one was there to stop him. Then the Hardys tried to do something about it and look what happened. Beating Lita with a chair was the best feeling he has had in a long time and there is no one back there who can stop them. Austin talks about how he could have done that to anyone in the audience but here is Jeff Hardy to lay out all three of them with a chair (Twist of Fate for Stephanie). It was a good, evil promo, but the Hardys felt WAY below these two and it was showing.

Post break, HHH storms into William Regal’s office and demands Jeff Hardy tonight, no matter what it takes.

Spike Dudley vs. Albert

The Dudley Boyz and the rest of X Factor are here and this is the fallout from Albert taking out Spike in a tag match on Raw. Spike forearms away to start and is dropped with a single shot to the face. Albert throws him across the ring (with a great Spike sell) and then drops him face first for the big crash. Spike avoids a charge but gets crotched on top to cut him off. Somehow Spike manages to knock him off the top though and a top rope double stomp connects. The Dudley Dog gets two as everyone starts fighting on the floor. Albert shrugs it off and hits the pump kick for the pin at 2:46.

Post match the Dudleys give Albert What’s Up. The table is loaded up but X-Pac takes out D-Von, followed by a double superkick to Bubba. Spike goes through the table.

Debra is looking for Jim Ross.

Don’t Try This At Home.

William Regal tells Jeff Hardy that he has an Intercontinental Title shot against HHH tonight (works for him) but if he ever besmirches (yes BESMIRCHES) Stephanie McMahon again, he will never get another title shot. Jeff leaves and Big Show comes in, demanding Undertaker and Kane tonight. Regal makes the match, with Show getting to pick any tag team he wants for a handicap match.

Crash Holly isn’t worried about Rhino, who Gores him into a steel door.

Debra comes in to see Jim Ross, who is fine with her being here despite what her husband did to him. She apologizes for what Steve Austin did and insists that she wasn’t involved. Ross knows that because he knows what kind of a person Debra is and knows she wouldn’t have anything to do with it. Austin comes in and accuses him of flirting with Debra before throwing him out (of his own dressing room). Debra isn’t sure what to do but Austins says they’re leaving now. They leave during the break.

Stephanie McMahon is annoyed at Jeff Hardy breaking her earring so HHH says he’ll take care of this. The match is officially dedicated to Stephanie and threatens the trainer. Stephanie: “Go get em Hunter. I love you.” The whiny voice made that as perfect as it could have been.

Women’s Title: Chyna vs. Ivory

Chyna is defending and Ivory has Steven Richards with her. Ivory tries to go up but gets slammed down for the early crash. Chyna’s handspring elbow misses though and Ivory grabs a bulldog. The chinlock stays on the neck (which is still banged up from earlier in the year) but Chyna powers up without much trouble. Richards gets involved by pulling Chyna to the floor for a clothesline though and Ivory gets a VERY delayed one. Chyna comes back with a suplex and some clotheslines as Ivory is getting ragdolled here. The gorilla press drop retains the title at 3:53.

Rating: C. This was somehow more competitive than their Wrestlemania match but it showed the problem with Chyna as champion: no one was going to be able to give her any serious challenge. Ivory was hardly a slouch and she got crushed here, which would happen with anyone. Chyna wouldn’t be long for the company, and it would take Trish Stratus of all people to save the division.

Post match Richards goes after Chyna and gets laid out for his efforts.

Big Show tries to get the APA to team with him tonight. That’s not happening, so Show accuses the APA of being scared. They’re just too busy though and tell him to shut the door as he goes.

Chris Benoit and Chris Jericho say they aren’t rocket scientists so they know William Regal is coming for revenge. Benoit says let’s go with it.

Edge And Christian/William Regal/Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit/Chris Jericho

Benoit and Jericho charge right in and Benoit suplexes Edge, setting up a Lionsault from Jericho. With the other villains cut off, Benoit adds the Swan Dive for two with Christian making the save. We settle down to Regal stomping on Benoit and it’s off to Angle for more of the same.

Angle gets in a German suplex but Benoit northern lights suplexes Christian as commentary ignores the match to talk about Hardy vs. HHH. Benoit gets over to Jericho for the tag to pick up the pace and we get back to back Walls and Crossfaces on various villains. That takes a bit too long though and Angle Angle Slams Jericho for the pin at 3:28.

Rating: B-. There was a lot going on in this one but it was more of an angle than a competitive match. The bigger deal here was making Regal, and presumably Vince McMahon and pals, look evil so that the Canadian Chrises would have someone to fight. Moving them up into the main event scene is not a bad idea and putting them in spots like this, where they held their own for a bit, is only going to make that push feel more warranted.

Post match Regal and Angle go after them again, only to get pulled into various submissions to make them tap.

Test wishes Jeff Hardy luck, as he wishes he could have done that to Stephanie more than once.

We recap Linda McMahon asking Vince for a divorce on Raw. This at least seems to be different than the opening video.

Rhyno vs. Hardcore Holly

This is over Rhyno attacking the other Hollys. They waste no time in starting the brawl until Rhyno charges into a boot in the corner. The fight goes to the mat before they get up and chop it out. Holly gets in his hanging kick to the ribs and they brawl into the corner again. Rhyno fights out of the corner but the Gore hits both of them. Cue Molly Holly with a trashcan so Hardcore can send Rhyno running. Apparently Rhyno was disqualified when he Gored the referee, so ignoring the lack of a bell, we’ll say it ended around 2:10.

Big Show asks Grandmaster Sexay and Steve Blackman to team with him tonight. Blackman has his nunchucks and Show thinks better of it.

Albert is the guest host at WWF New York. Not that we actually see him, but that’s what commentary tells us.

Jeff Hardy would love to be the Intercontinental Champion, but tonight is about payback and revenge.

The Right To Censor recruits Test, but he’s good on not having to give up everything and dress like them. He will take a match with Val Venis though.

Big Show settles for Kai En Tai. Apparently they think he’s Godzilla.

King Of The Ring sold out in four hours.

Big Show/Kai En Tai vs. Brothers Of Destruction

Funaki starts for the team but Undertaker wants Show. Instead it’s Kane coming in to beat up Taka but Funaki grabs the leg. Show tags himself in and hits a clothesline but Kane sits up, so we’ll have Funaki pulled in by Show instead. With Show leaving, it’s a double chokeslam to Kai En Tai. Kane tries his own Last Ride but just drops Funaki behind him instead. Undertaker shows him the proper method on Taka as Show is furious. Kane hits a better Last Ride to pin Funaki at 2:55. This was goofy fun.

Long video on the XFL playoffs.

Val Venis vs. Test

The Right To Censor is here with Venis, who jumps Test to start. They slug it out until Godfather trips Test up, allowing the RTC to hammer away from the floor. Venis chokes away and cranks on both arms at once to keep Test down. That doesn’t last long as Test is back up with a tilt-a-whirl slam, only for Venis to send him outside. Back in and Test hits the pumphandle slam so Godfather offers a distraction. Richards superkicks Venis by mistake and here is Raven, who the RTC tried to recruit on Raw, to give Richards a DDT. The big boot finishes Venis at 3:28.

Rating: C+. For a match between Test and Val Venis, they certainly put a lot in there. That’s a nice thing to see as it was a bit of a throwback to the Attitude Era style, which can work well in small doses. The RTC isn’t long for the world, and to be fair there wasn’t much else for them to do anyway. Not a great match, but it was fun while it lasted.

Post match the RTC gets in a big brawl of their own, with referees not being able to break it up.

We get another recap of what led to Jeff Hardy getting an Intercontinental Title shot.

Intercontinental Title: HHH vs. Jeff Hardy

HHH is defending and they’re both alone for a change. The early slugout goes to HHH, who knocks Hardy outside. Back in and hardy hits the legdrop between the legs into the basement dropkick before hammering away in the corner. HHH shoves him out for the big crash but the Whisper In The Wind gives Hardy two. A missed charge sends Hardy back to the floor, where he’s fine enough to send HHH into the steps.

The dive off the barricade is cut off with a powerslam out of the air, only for Hardy to get up…and get powerslammed out of the air again. Might want to try something different there chum. Back in and the jumping knee cuts Hardy off again but this time HHH would rather hammer away than cover. A hard whip into the corner drops Hardy again and HHH grabs a sleeper (more like an awkward hug really).

Hardy jawbreaks his way to freedom and…well one of them grabs a legsweep. Hardy goes up so HHH throws the referee into the ropes for the break, albeit not a DQ due to reasons of convenience. The referee gets shoved down but here is Matt Hardy (not supposed to be here) to chair HHH in the head. One heck of a Swanton gives Jeff the pin and the title in a huge upset at 8:07.

Rating: B-. This was mostly a HHH squash with a screwy ending but dang the fans went nuts when Hardy won. It was the first sign that there might be something to Jeff on his own, but it was also quite the surprise as you do not see a major heel faction lose so soon. That’s an interesting way to go, even if HHH would get the title back the next week. Granted there was something a bit bigger waiting on HHH and Austin later on in the form of Undertaker and Kane, but for now, good surprise here.

Overall Rating: B-. While I’m not big on the Austin heel run, it’s quite the fun flashback as you can see the incredible talent pool that the WWF had available. The amazing thing is that it would get even better in about two months with the Invasion and…ok so it didn’t exactly work out. This wasn’t some classic show, but it was interesting to see where the company was going in the fallout of Wrestlemania, especially with Rock gone. I’ll be back around this era one day and it was fun to look back at it again.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: April 25, 2002
Location: Peoria Civic Center, Peoria, Illinois
Attendance: 8,350
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

We’re in a new era now as HHH is a full time Smackdown wrestler, which I’m sure will last for at least a few weeks. After all you can’t expect the biggest star in the company to be on the B show for very long. Other than that we’re going to get more of the Hulk Hogan nostalgia tour, which wasn’t the most interesting thing in the world earlier this week. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Hogan for his big talk, but only after a long ovation. I guess the nostalgic stuff does indeed play in Peoria. Hogan isn’t sure if he could have beaten HHH without Undertaker interfering so maybe tonight HHH should get his rematch. Cole: “What a first class champion!” Here’s HHH and Cole also names him a first class champion. Is that their buzzword of the week?

HHH talks about Hogan earning his respect and a handshake at Backlash (Cole: “What a moment that was.” No Cole, it wasn’t.) but tonight he’s earned it again by offering that rematch. The fans chant for Hogan and HHH FINALLY gets to the point: when he wins that title that he loves, will Hogan be man enough to shake his hand? Instead here’s Vince to cut them both off (thank goodness) and say that he’s the co-owner of the WWE so he makes the matches.

Vince polls the fans on Hogan vs. HHH but says no because HHH is a criminal who doesn’t deserve a rematch. Fair enough and it’s nice to see one of those arrests actually be brought up for once. Instead, Hogan can defend the title next week against the winner of tonight’s main event: HHH vs. Chris Jericho. Makes sense: you want to torture HHH so put him in a #1 contenders match against the guy he always beats. Oh and if the bosses can make #1 contenders matches all the time, what was the point in having Undertaker vs. Austin at Backlash? I’m over thinking this one aren’t I?

Rico critiques Chuck’s massage technique when Tajiri comes in. Japanese stereotypes ensue and Rico doesn’t think much of Torrie’s look. The solution is a bandana but Tajiri steals it instead. This screams “stuff that only makes Vince laugh”.

Maven/Al Snow/Billy Kidman vs. Billy and Chuck/Tajiri

For the sake of clarity, I’ll only refer to Billy Gunn as Billy. Kidman and Chuck start things off with a belly to belly sending Kidman flying. It’s off to Maven, who eats a hard clothesline from Billy but Snow comes in to save his student. Tajiri stops to yell at Torrie, leaving Kidman to tornado DDT Billy for no cover. To throw away whatever we had going here, Maven and Snow rip off Billy and Chuck’s trunks, sending them running up the aisle. Torrie pulls Rico’s down, leaving Kidman to counter Tajiri’s powerbomb. The shooting star press puts Tajiri away.

Rating: D. I was starting to dig this one and then it went flying out the window with more “comedy”. Are we really still on Maven/Snow vs. Billy and Chuck after they lost their nothing pay per view title match? Torrie finally turning on Tajiri will be fun enough and it’s going to make her even more popular than she already was. Tajiri on the other hand has already gotten pinned four days after winning the title back to set the Brand Split record.

Kurt Angle calls a security guard fat and brags about his new t-shirt reveal later tonight. The shirt is going to list all of his accomplishments so the smallest size available is XXL. If the security guard plays his cards right, he might get one at half price. I could watch this Angle for days.

Stacy Keibler massages Vince’s temples until he’s interrupted by some newcomer. Vince: “Oh that’s right. You’re uh, you’re Randy Orton.” The boss leaves and Stacy likes the black sweatshirt and basketball shorts look. After admiring his hands (I don’t get it either), she offers to critique his holds by putting his hands on her hips. Vince comes back in and she claims he stripped for no reason. That earns him a match with Hardcore Holly.

This week’s power challenge: Mark Henry bending a frying pan. That goes fine so Test pulls out a steel rod. Why does he have a steel rod you ask? Well doesn’t every Canadian carry a steel rod? That’s bent as well so Christian, the guy who introduced the frying pan, jumps Henry like a moron.

Randy Orton vs. Hardcore Holly

It’s so strange to see Orton only having about six tattoos. They hit the mat for some chain wrestling to start until Orton gets a quick near fall off something like a bulldog. Holly isn’t about to get beaten up by a rookie though and gets in the kick to the very low abdomen. We get some shots to the chest in the vein of Sheamus’ forearms until Orton comes back with a dropkick. Orton’s high crossbody sets up an Oklahoma roll for the surprise pin. Nothing to the match, other than the debut of one of the biggest stars of all time.

Angle talks to a photographer about how big his shirt reveal is going to be but Edge is seen replacing it. For some reason the photographer is told to get the shirt in the ring.

Here’s Angle for the reveal, though he has to wait on the YOU SUCK WHAT chants. After insulting the town a bit, Angle explains the concept of having his accomplishments listed on the back of his shirt. I’m hoping the fans in the arena didn’t see that segment earlier or they’re going to be bored and do something stupid like chant WHAT to everything Angle says.

Before we get the reveal, here’s Edge to interrupt. Edge congratulates him on winning at Backlash and wants to see the new shirt. Every the knucklehead, Angle buys into it and the shirt is revealed. I’ll give you one guess what two words are printed on it and Angle’s reaction when he sees it.

Recap of HHH invading Raw and attacking Undertaker.

Mark Henry vs. Christian

Christian comes in and is thrown over the top with one arm. Back in and Henry runs him over, followed by a headbutt for two. A low blow gets Christian out of a claw hold but Henry grabs a bearhug for the win. This one note character stuff is why Henry never went anywhere for years and this run isn’t changing anything.

Jericho is ready to win tonight because he wants to beat HHH once and for all. See, he only lost at Wrestlemania because of a high fever.

Rikishi/Edge vs. Kurt Angle/Albert

It’s two feuds in one but my goodness those are two odd sounding teams. They pair off with Edge and Angle fighting in the ring to start. Angle throws him over with a belly to belly and brings in Albert for all of five seconds before it’s back to Kurt. Rikishi gets to clean house off the hot tag because you pick RIKISHI for that spot over Edge. A running seated senton crushes Albert with Kurt making the save. An Angle Slam takes Rikishi down but Edge spears Angle before he can cover. The Baldo Bomb puts Rikishi away as Edge stomps on Angle outside.

Rating: D+. If you can find a way around the time issues, the better move here would have been to do two singles matches instead of a tag. We already did the double feud tag match earlier tonight and when you consider we already had two massage segments, it doesn’t exactly make Smackdown look like the most creative show in the world.

D-Von takes up another collection but someone steals the money. That earns him a horrible beating, which is supposed to make D-Von look evil but what would you do if some goon tried to steal your money? Especially if you’re a wrestler and he’s a plant.

Angle yells at the security guard, who is now wearing a YOU SUCK shirt.

Chris Jericho vs. HHH

Winner gets a title shot next week. Jericho bails to the floor to start but the chase goes to HHH, who sends Jericho shoulder first into the post twice in a row. A spinwheel kick has HHH in trouble and but a sleeper is just boring. HHH comes back with a shot to the face and does the falling low blow headbutt. With both guys down we cut to the back to see Undertaker coming into Vince’s office.

Back with Jericho hitting the Breakdown (Skull Crushing Finale) for two as Cole freaks out over Undertaker showing up. Then again, it would be more amazing for Cole not to freak out over something. A neckbreaker and spinebuster give HHH two but Jericho gets the same off a missile dropkick.

The Pedigree is countered into a backslide for two more and we get the usual Walls/rope grab combo. Jericho grabs a chair (because that’s worked so well for him) and gets DDT’d for two. Cue Undertaker for a distraction though and Jericho grabs a rollup with trunks for the pin and the title shot.

Rating: B. It’s so nice to have a long match that doesn’t involve Austin and/or the NWO. On top of that, Jericho actually beat HHH in a match that means something. Just by setting that up you prevent these matches from feeling like a waste of time until you get to the only possible ending.

Undertaker and Jericho beat on HHH until Hogan makes the save and punches Undertaker into the crowd to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. The main event helped this show a lot but there was too much bad in the first hour and forty minutes for the main event to save it. They really need to elevate someone new to the main event already because HHH and Jericho are the best possible combination and that’s going to get old quickly. The rest of the card is in trouble too but that’s really more boring than bad, which can be even worse.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete 2014 Raw and Smackdown Reviews Part I at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01LY6766K#nav-subnav

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: April 11, 2002
Location: Tucson Convention Center, Tucson, Arizona
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

This has to be better than Raw right? I’m almost convinced that it has to be just based on the law of nearly anything would be better than the mess that I sat through earlier this week. The big story continues to be the build towards Hulk Hogan vs. HHH for reasons of pure nostalgia. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Kurt Angle to get things going with his continued complaining about Hogan getting the title shot. He’s beaten Russians and Iranians much tougher than Nikolai Volkoff and the Iron Sheik so how can Hogan be better than him? Then on Raw, Ric Flair made Undertaker vs. Steve Austin for the title shot after that so Kurt is out in the cold for a long time. Tonight he has a non-title match against HHH so he could prove what happened had Vince McMahon not gone mental.

The WHAT chants finally make Angle snap but here’s Edge to calm things down a bit. Edge agrees that Angle’s medal win was inspiring but IT WAS SIX YEARS AGO. Since Angle isn’t getting a title shot soon, maybe he’d like to face Edge at Backlash. The match is accepted so Edge has one last thing: the fans need to shout YOU SUCK instead of WHAT whenever Kurt talks. And that’s the rest of Angle’s career. Angle freaks out as only he can and demands his music plays, only to have the fans chant to the tune.

Chris Jericho tells Angle that he’ll take care of Edge tonight. So there’s your heel alliance. Angle doesn’t like loudmouthed Canadians with long blond hair who dress like a rock star. Angle: “Well not you of course. You’re cool.”

Tajiri vs. Hurricane

Hurricane has hacked off his hair. Tajiri drags Torrie Wilson out in a geisha girl outfit and you can just pencil in the big stripping scene from here. An armdrag sends Tajiri outside and Hurricane uses a rare over the top flip dive to take him down. Torrie looks miserable as Tazz says she’s lucky to have someone like Tajiri. For once Cole has it right by saying it’s the other way around. Hurricane gets in a hurricanrana but gets kicked in the head for the fast pin.

Rating: C+. This was a good way to set up Tajiri’s rematch for the Cruiserweight Title at Backlash and treating Torrie like garbage is a classic, simple way to get him over as a heel. It’s nice to have some actual characters in the Cruiserweight division instead of just giving them little time and having them do spots.

Tajiri berates Torrie until Kidman makes the save.

Stacy Keibler, in Miss Hancock attire, lays on Vince’s couch until he shows up.

Albert vs. Scotty 2 Hotty

We get the debut of Albert in trunks here because we needed to see that chest hair. Albert jumps him during the entrances as Cole talks about Albert beating Scotty up last week and yelling about Scotty holding him down and making him do all the dancing. Cole: “But we still haven’t heard why Albert did what he did.” That’s vintage Cole stupidity. Scotty stops a charge with a boot and gets two off a middle rope dropkick. The Worm is broken up by a bicycle kick and a Baldo Bomb ends Scotty in a hurry.

Albert beats him up some more after the match until Rikishi makes the save. You mean their big idea is Rikishi vs. Albert? As in the future Hall of Famer vs. future head trainer of developmental?

Vince arrives to find Stacy and says he’s considering her for a position. There are a few more candidates though and he’ll be interviewing them in the ring. Stacy promises to give him an offer that he can’t refuse.

Rico makes fun of Maven’s clothes and eyebrows. Al Snow comes in and a tag match against Billy and Chuck is made for later.

Hogan wants to be the WWF Champion one more time. Jericho comes up and warns Hogan about the dangers of HHH. I’d pay to see a Battle of the Bands between Fozzy and the Wrestling Boot Band.

Edge vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho gets caught by an early spinwheel kick and flapjack before Edge sends him outside. There’s a baseball slide over the announcers’ table as it’s all young Canadian so far. Jericho hides behind the referee and rakes Edge’s eyes, earning himself a HAS BEEN chant. It amazes me that Jericho had been wrestling for over ten years at this point and he’d still be around over fourteen years later. That’s almost as long as Austin’s entire career and it’s not even half of what Jericho did.

Edge fights back with some chops and avoids a charge to send Chris into the post. A rollup gets two on Jericho and you can hear the fans getting fired up off the near falls. Cue Angle but Edge spears him down, only to walk into a bulldog. The Edge-O-Matic gets two but the referee stupidly gets in the way of a catapult. You know, because referees are dumb.

The Edgecator makes Jericho tap but there’s no one to see it so of course Edge lets go. You know, because wrestlers are dumb. Jericho tries to bring in a chair but gets speared for two. Angle snaps Edge’s neck across the top and that’s enough for a rollup with tights to give Jericho the pin.

Rating: B-. That’s probably the best match since the Brand Extension, assuming you ignore the nonsense with the referee and all the interference. Unfortunately that’s how big matches go at this point in the WWF because they don’t want anyone to lose even remotely clean. It’s fine every now and then but that’s what countouts and disqualifications should be for.

Edge goes after Angle but gets beaten down until Hogan makes the save.

Here’s Vince for his job interviews or whatever they’re calling them this week. There’s a desk in the ring and it’s really not that hard to guess what they’re setting up with Stacy. First up we have a professional looking woman with horn rimmed glasses named Sylvia Johnson. She can type 95 words a minute, can speak three languages and most computer languages. Vince says no because she’s not his type. “Don’t let the door hit you on the…..oh yeah we don’t have doors on the ring.”

Next up is a guy who looks like Steve from Blue’s Clues. Vince tells him to get out before anyone can say a word. The third option is a decent looking woman who is a bit more Vince’s type. She can type fast and takes dictation but the fans want puppies. Vince thinks he’s found his personal assistant but wonders if there’s one more applicant.

Cue Stacy and Vince’s eyes bug out despite knowing it was coming. Ok to be fair the Hancock outfit can have that effect. Stacy throws the other woman out and dances on the desk to get the job. Vince falling out of his chair when she pulls up her skirt is great, unlike this HUGE waste of time. Yeah Stacy looked great but this was nothing other than a way for Vince to have some fun.

D-Von, now in a suit comes in to see Vince and tells him to testify. See, now he’s a preacher. His mission is to save the sinners of the world but he needs a benefactor. Vince agrees, despite the fact that it’s D-Von. At least this is something different though and that’s what someone like D-Von needs, which is what TNA never understood.

Mark Henry holds a limo (driven by Test) back with his legs. Test cranks it up and hurts Henry’s legs (which you never actually see touching the limo of course). So we’re going to get Rikishi vs. Albert and Test vs. Mark Henry?

Chuck vs. Al Snow

Everyone is at ringside. I’d rather they have this match instead of giving Snow and Maven a Tag Team Title shot out of the blue. Snow kicks him into the corner to start as Tazz yells at Cole for getting a town’s name wrong. A belly to belly sends Snow flying as the announcers debate weed whackers. Snow gets two off a sitout spinebuster but Rico gets in the ring. Maven chases him into the crowd, leaving Chuck to hit the Jungle Kick for two. A quick Snowplow gives Al the pin.

Rating: D. I’m fine with setting up some challengers for the titles as it’s not like there are many teams on either show at the moment. Snow and Maven aren’t exactly doing anything else and it can plug the second season of Tough Enough at the same time. Nothing to see here but at least the booking makes sense. Unfortunately that doesn’t make it interesting but that’s what you get when WE HAVE TO SPLIT UP THE TAG TEAMS BECAUSE REASONS!

HHH is getting taped up when Hogan comes in to talk about Jericho and Angle. The face alliance is offered but HHH will have nothing to do with it because they’re going to fight at Backlash. Just like last week, Hogan being everybody’s favorite grandpa and HHH being all serious really doesn’t work. HHH holds up the title and talks about it like his secret girlfriend for when Stephanie throws him out for not respecting the lady balls enough. Finally, as is custom for HHH, I have time to drywall my house by the time he finishes his really simple point.

Kurt Angle vs. HHH

Non-title. Angle’s top wristlock goes nowhere as HHH shoves him into the corner. Cole again tries to push the “HHH grew up idolizing Hogan” schtick, which only works if you ignore the fact that he was a teenager when Hogan first won the title. A sunset flip with tights gives us a two count and an Angle thong shot. We’re lucky enough to have Angle not realize that they’re down so HHH gives him a hard spank. Angle finally figures out what’s going on and throws some German suplexes for two.

We hit the sleeper on the champ but HHH flips him over and grabs a DDT. HHH starts choking for no real apparent reason before a spinebuster gets two more with Jericho coming out to pull the referee to the floor. A Lionsault gives Angle two so Jericho decks the ref and the beatdown is on. Hogan comes out for the save and beats down Angle…..to set up a Pedigree for the pin. WHAT??? Jericho pulled the referee out, hit a Lionsault and beat the referee up before Hogan came in and beat up both bad guys AND THE REFEREE DIDN’T NOTICE??? Are you kidding me?

Rating: C+. The match was what you would expect from these two but WOW that ending was ridiculous. It’s not like HHH absolutely had to pin Angle here as he was getting double teamed by two former World Champions and….oh wait it was HHH. How did I miss that when I was saying all this made no sense? Of course he had to beat Angle. It means so much after having Hogan come in for the save and all.

Post match HHH yells at Hogan for coming out. They get in each others faces and HHH tells him to stay out of his business until Backlash. Hogan says HHH is his business until Backlash (Shouldn’t that be until after Backlash?) and goes to leave but Angle hits HHH from behind, knocking him into HHH. Hulk hits the usual and holds up the title. Jericho and Angle beat the good guys down and stand…..well about average height to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Let’s get this out of the way at the start: this was WAY better than any of the other single brand shows from either Raw or Smackdown to date. There was good, longer wrestling and story advancement with characters that people care about. Really lame main event feud aside (especially with the Hogan nostalgia not working as well as it was a few weeks ago, likely due to a lack of the Rock’s charisma helping things), a lot of the show made more sense.

However, we still have a lot of major problems. You have Maven and Al Snow as the only challengers to the Tag Team Titles, Rikishi vs. Albert and Test vs. Mark Henry looming and the regular “Vince gets a gorgeous woman” storyline. They’re starting to come around on top but the midcard and lower card are both death right now and that’s going to last for a long time until we get some new characters over. It’s a better show but they really need to fix some things.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s WWE Grab Bag at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01IH7O904

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: April 4, 2002
Location: Blue Cross Arena, Rochester, New York
Attendance: 8,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

After Monday’s less than amazing debut for Raw, it’s time to see if Smackdown can save the opening week of the Brand Split. This show has its share of stars including The Rock, Chris Jericho, Hulk Hogan and Kurt Angle. Those names alone should be enough to help carry this past Raw but this company has managed to disappoint me with less. Let’s get to it.

Vince (dang I thought this was Smackdown) wishes us good evening. On Raw, Ric Flair picked Undertaker as #1 contender but that wasn’t his right. Vince won the coin toss and the right to name the #1 contender, which he’ll do tonight. It’s really not a good sign that they’re changing matches that fast.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Kurt Angle to say he’d love to be #1 contender. That would make sense given how things have been going lately. Since the fans keep “dissing” him, he has a list of reasons why he should get the title shot.

1. He OWNS HHH.

2. He won an Olympic gold medal.

3. He is adored by children and senior citizens worldwide!

Before he can list off his other twenty six reasons, here’s Chris Jericho to interrupt. Jericho’s only rematch has been in a stupid triple threat match where Stephanie lost (true) and despite what the people here think, he is NOT a has been. Jericho suggests a match for the #1 contendership and Kurt shakes his hand but the Rock comes out with something to say. There’s only one man, AND THE ROCK MEANS ONE MAN who should face HHH for the title at Backlash. Rock doesn’t actually say who that is because he thinks there might be someone else.

One day Rock will be WWF Champion but until then, no one deserves the shot more than Hulk Hogan. I know they’re friends and all, but Rock saying Hogan should get a title shot after he beat Hogan at Wrestlemania and was drafted higher really doesn’t feel right. Find another way to get Hogan in the title picture though as Rock saying it isn’t working for me. After a double IT DOESN’T MATTER to Angle and Jericho and a poll from the crowd, Rock implores Vince to give Hogan the shot.

Earlier tonight, Albert confirmed that he was with Scotty for the Tag Team Title match.

Tag Team Titles: Billy and Chuck vs. Scotty 2 Hotty/Albert

Billy and Chuck are defending of course. We look at Rico talking to the announcers for some reason before Hotty takes Chuck down to start. Scotty takes things to another level by sending Chuck head first into Billy’s…..we’ll say stomach. Chuck’s offense doesn’t last long as he eats a superkick and there’s the hot tag to the Hip Hop Hippo (just go with it) to clean house. Albert gets distracted by Rico (never look directly at the sideburns) and the chase lets Rico sneak in and kick Scotty in the face so Billy can get the pin.

Rating: D. Nothing to see here but you can almost see the post match heel turn from heel. It’s not like they have a ton of midcard acts at the moment so one less nothing tag team isn’t going to hurt anything. Albert is a former Intercontinental Champion so just let him beat up goons for a bit.

Post match, as expected, Albert beats the heck out of Scotty and says he put up with the dancing for six months.

Vince grabs Hogan the title shot.

Jericho freaks out and yells at Rock for getting Hogan the title shot. He brings up the great point that Hogan couldn’t even win at Wrestlemania and Jericho beat Rock over and over. Rock suggests Jericho try to beat him tonight and an exchange of fisticuffs is agreed upon.

Video on Christian’s losing streak and ensuing tantrums. Diamond Dallas Page helped Christian break the streak but Christian attacked him after the match. Page then beat him at Wrestlemania and the biggest fit yet ensued.

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Christian

Page monkey flips him to start as the announcers are already talking about Backlash. Christian gets in an elbow to the face and grabs a chinlock so this is probably going to be a short match. The reverse DDT gets two and Christian throws a fit, only to sucker Page in for the Unprettier and the pin.

Rating: D+. Who would have thought a match involving Christian freaking out would have psychology? Hopefully this moves Christian on to something else as Page really doesn’t have much of a future due to his age and people not really caring about him in the WWF in the first place. The match was fine but I could go for something lasting a bit longer.

Kurt Angle thinks Hillbilly Jim should be President if Hogan gets the title shot. Edge comes up and says he feels bad about their recent problems. He’s found some pictures of their good old days but of course there are jokes on the back, such as “You Suck”, “Yes I Do Suck” and “And I’m A Dork.” It’s true, though thank goodness Edge was on the right side and Angle took the pictures when he did or this could have been embarrassing for Edge.

Here’s HHH for his bi-weekly chat, this time about the new #1 contender. The more I look at that Undisputed Title, the less I like it by comparison to the original two belts. If nothing else the other two were bigger, as World Titles should be. HHH doesn’t care if he’s fighting Hogan because he’ll fight Undertaker next. Cue Hogan in the red and yellow (first time in almost ten years in the WWF) to talk about…..Wrestlemania I?

Then he moves on to Wrestlemania III (now with 94,000 people there) and Wrestlemania XVIII, both of which he thought would never be topped. Nothing is bigger than the title though (not exactly, as it wasn’t even the biggest match at Wrestlemania) and HHH says it would be an honor to be in the ring with Hulk Hogan (Like he is now?).

In a bit of a twist, HHH says he’s looked up to Hogan his whole life. At Backlash though, he won’t hesitate to hurt Hogan every way he can. Hogan thinks it’s funny that everyone keeps declaring Hulkamania dead because it’s going to rise up again at Backlash. A lot of posing takes us out as the serious HHH awkwardly leaves. Again: I get why they have to do something with Hogan while they can but this feels really forced.

Edge vs. Kurt Angle

I miss Never Gonna Stop. Kurt stomps him down and throws a good looking German suplex to start as the announcers talk about how amazing the previous segment was. In other words, they’re probably putting it on the same level as the Rock vs. Hogan promo the previous month because in the WWF, HHH and Rock are total equals. Edge’s half nelson facebuster gets him out of trouble for a bit and Angle gets tied in the ropes. Some spears (which still look lame coming from Edge) have him in even more trouble so he chairs Edge for the DQ.

Rating: D. Anytime this show wants to deliver a match that breaks four minutes, please let me know. This is a problem that the modern Brand Split is running into as well (Raw more than Smackdown): you don’t have to put everything on every week. It’s ok to alternate back and forth for a bit and let something get a little focus.

Edge fights Angle off.

Billy Kidman wishes luck to his ex-Torrie Wilson and her boyfriend Tajiri in their match later. Tajiri comes up and rants in Japanese. Just do the heel turn/split.

Cruiserweight Title: Kidman vs. Tajiri

Tajiri is defending. Kidman dropkicks him down to start and seems to be going fast, likely due to another lack of time. A kick to the head puts Kidman on the floor and there’s an Asai moonsault for a very week ECW chant. Back in and the tornado DDT is countered into a sitout powerbomb (nice counter) but Kidman can’t hit the shooting star. The frustrated champion grabs his title and puts it in the corner, only to have Torrie take it away. Kidman uses the distraction to roll Tajiri up for the pin and the title.

Rating: D+. This felt like an Alliance era title change with the action having no meaning other than the forced angle at the end. Kidman winning the title doesn’t really change anything but it’s not like the Cruiserweight Title means anything at this point. Splitting Torrie and Tajiri (pretty obvious at this point) probably won’t lead anywhere and it’s another story to add to the pile tonight.

Tajiri berates Torrie and leaves.

Vince is mad at Maven for costing Smackdown the Hardcore Title last week. His solution: send Hardcore Holly after him. Bob leaves and here’s Stacy Keibler, (“Just call me Vince.”) to offer the boss his services, which includes bending over in front of the camera. Wouldn’t it make sense to bend over where Vince can see it?

Stacy loved Vince’s talk about intellectual sperm and he likes the way she walks. They sit down and we go to a break, coming back with Vince fixing his clothes. Stacy is gone so here’s D-Von to yell about splitting up the Dudley Boyz. He demands an explanation so Vince tells him to get out until he’s ready to be a star. Did we just get three Vince segments in one? That’s excessive even by his standards.

Al Snow gives Maven a pep talk by saying he would have had to get mugged to get the kind of beating Hardcore Holly is going to give him.

Hardcore Holly vs. Maven

Cole hypes up Rock vs. Jericho, which will have no titles on the line. Could that be because neither is a champion? Holly punches in the corner and does his kick to the “lower abdomen”, only to miss a high cross body. Maven gets two off a missile dropkick but the Alabama Slam ends him in a hurry. I’m sure there was a point to this one somewhere.

We look at Rock challenging Jericho earlier in the night.

The Rock vs. Chris Jericho

They slug it out in the aisle to start and I’ll let you guess who gets the better of it. Rock gets catapulted into the post for the great looking bump and they head inside for the opening bell. Right hands and a spinwheel kick get two for Chris as the announcers say Rock was just showing Hogan respect earlier. A Walls attempt is broken up and Jericho gets crotched on top to set up a superplex for Rock’s first real offense.

Some of Rock’s usual stuff gets a few near falls but there goes the referee. Rock grabs the Sharpshooter but here’s Angle for the interference. Not that it matters as Rock kicks out of the Angle Slam, Edge comes out to take care of Angle, and the Rock Bottom ends Jericho as a match finally breaks seven minutes.

Rating: C. The time and talent in the ring helped carry this but it felt like a way to get to the interference which likely sets up a tag match next week. Rock is in a weird place where he’s so much better than anyone else that it’s hard to imagine someone giving him a real challenge. That HHH feud just crippled Jericho as he feels like a glorified midcarder instead of a guy who was World Champion a month again.

Overall Rating: D. Put very simply, there’s too much here. This could have been spread out over two weeks if not more, including too many turns and splits for a single show. I really don’t get why wrestling companies feel the need to do this. It’s not like there’s a big season finale coming up. Just let these already established characters (keep in mind that they weren’t anything new but rather just exclusive to one show or the other) act as they normally would instead of changing so suddenly. It doesn’t feel right and makes for an overly packed show.

On top of that, you need some more wrestling. Like I mentioned multiple times, until the main event, nothing broke three and a half minutes. There really isn’t a defense for something like that happening on a show with this much talent. Just Rock vs. Jericho alone could have eaten up twelve to fifteen minutes and you could have gut out something like Maven vs. Holly, which basically existed to say “hey, we’re here too”. Things will likely get better going forward but this was a big mess, somehow being just as bad as Raw.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s WWE Grab Bag at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01IH7O904

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: July 5, 2001
Location: Tacoma Dome, Tacoma, Washington
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jim Ross

This is another old request as I try to knock some of my way too long list down. We’re very early into the Invasion and Steve Austin is currently out due to an injury and is sitting in Vince McMahon’s office singing campfire songs with Kurt Angle, who has basically decided he’s Austin’s best friend. Let’s get to it.

The opening recap looks at Torrie Wilson trying to seduce Vince to get a contract, only to have Linda catch them in a scene that wasn’t very funny. This is in no way a reason for Vince to get physical with Torrie Wilson in a swimsuit top.

Opening sequence.

Tag Team Titles: Chris Jericho/Spike Dudley vs. Dudley Boyz

Bubba and D-Von are defending as Spike tries to find someone to help fight off his brothers, who don’t like him dating Molly Holly. This is another sign of the times as you would just have random title matches on TV instead of spending weeks setting up a title match on pay per view. D-Von and Jericho start things off with Jericho scoring off some chops. A springboard dropkick sends D-Von outside and Spike dives on both Dudleys. Well the other Dudleys that is. I can assure you he didn’t dive on himself.

Back in and Spike plays D-Von in What’s Up to D-Von but the Dudley Dawg is easily broken up. It’s time for Spike to get beaten down, including an awesome double flapjack to send him crashing to the mat in a great looking landing. D-Von misses a middle rope legdrop and the hot tag brings in Jericho to clean house. Jericho can’t keep the Walls on though as D-Von makes a quick save, leaving Spike to come in instead. A quick 3D ends Spike to retain the titles.

Rating: C-. That flapjack alone makes this match go up in value. I mean Spike just slammed into that mat and landed on his face. How can you not love that? Jericho vs. the Dudley Boyz wasn’t the most interesting feud and it didn’t do much other than fill in a little time before he moved on to the big time with the invasion.

Jericho clears the ring post match.

Austin and Debra come in to see Vince, who rants against Torrie for what happened on Monday. Debra blames Vince but Austin has a present to make things better. Vince opens the big red box and it’s……a cowboy hat. Austin has one of his own but Angle comes in and feels left out. There’s one more box though and it’s a smaller hat, just for Kurt, who has never been happier. Austin looks like he wants to kill him. Then why did Austin buy the hat? This was an awkward phase of comedy but they’re nailing the timing and it’s actually really funny stuff.

Earlier today the WWF and WCW referees got in a fight, which actually set up a pay per view match for reasons I don’t want to comprehend.

Crash Holly vs. Jacqueline

Crash knocks her around to start but they head outside with Jacqueline sending him shoulder first into the post. Back in and we hit the armbar for a bit before Crash gets two off a northern lights suplex. Crash gets crotched on the top and a super hurricanrana gives Jacqueline the pin.

Rating: D-. This was a stretch when Jacqueline was wrestling various men despite there being no real reason to see her do so. Basically it was a way to show off how awesome she was (quite the stretch) and, again, no one was really all that interested. This would happen from time to time and the fact that it never lead anywhere didn’t seem to change much.

Trish (looking GREAT here) comes in to thank Jeff Hardy for saving her from Big Show. Lita and Matt come in to make her leave. Jeff thinks there’s nothing wrong with this, which might have something to do with Trish kissing Matt last week.

We look back at Austin, Angle and WCW wrestler Buff Bagwell beating down WCW World Champion Booker T. Austin and Angle beat Bagwell down and threw him outside.

Various wrestlers, many of them who used to work in WCW, laugh at Booker for taking such a beating. Booker says he’s ready to defend his title tonight.

Vince gets a summons about a settlement with Linda. Austin blames Angle and wants his hat back but Angle calls him an Indian giver.

WCW Cruiserweight Title: Billy Kidman vs. Gregory Helms

This is a WCW match complete with graphics and Scott Hudson and Arn Anderson on commentary. Helms used to be Gregory but we can’t have two Shanes on the roster. The announcers talk about Booker defending the WCW World Title tonight and ignore the match to really make this feel like something out of WCW. Helms is sent to the floor and taken down with a dive.

Back in and Kidman is hiptossed out for a big crash. Anderson rips on the cowboy hot segment as Kidman gets beaten down even more. A BK Bomb (Sky High) gets two but the shooting star misses. The Nightmare on Helm Street gets two and a modified Kid Crusher (basically the Killswitch) gives us a new champion.

Rating: C+. The match was what you would expect from these two but the crowd just did not care and I can’t really blame them. These fans have no reason to care about WCW or its titles because that’s not what they came here to see. Kidman and Helms are very talented but there’s no connection to them for the WWF fans. Build these guys up under the WWF banner and then do the big war.

Vince blames women for his problems and Debra is incensed. His plan is to explain to the people and everything will be ok. Angle thinks telling the truth is the answer, just like he learned in the Boy Scouts.

Christian has Edge’s King of the Ring trophy ready for Edge’s Intercontinental Title shot tonight. Apparently Edge would rather Christian stay in the back though and Christian looks disappointed. You can see the split coming and it’s really well done so far.

Here’s Vince to talk about what’s been happening to him recently. See, when you die you leave a good or a bad reputation behind. Linda would like you to believe that he has a bad reputation because he’s a womanizer and a skirt chaser. Just for the record he wasn’t going to go that far with Torrie because he was just testing her loyalty. Yeah that’s it. On July 23 he has to appear before a judge about division of assets with Linda and right now he’d like to say he’s sorry. Vince drops to a knee and apologizes to everyone and IS THERE A POINT TO THIS COMING ANYTIME SOON???

William Regal and Tajiri come out and beg Vince to get up because it’s not his fault. Vince hugs Regal and we cut to Austin and Angle looking stunned. It’s not Vince’s fault that women are so attracted to him or that he’s a self made billionaire. He’s Vince McMahon and he’s proud of it. Again, if anyone can explain the point of this to me, I’d love to hear it and tell you that it’s nothing more than an excuse for Vince to take up more TV time.

Hardy Boyz vs. Big Show/Billy Gunn

Apparently Billy and Big Show think everyone is against them. Right. Billy charges into an armdrag and Matt grabs an armbar. It’s off to Jeff (wearing a hat) for two off Poetry in Motion. Big Show and his one piece women’s swimsuit come in for the Alley Oop (lifts Jeff for a powerbomb but falls backwards to send Jeff face first into the mat). Show takes a ridiculous amount of time going to the middle rope, allowing Jeff to avoid an elbow drop.

The hot tag brings in Matt (European Champion, which isn’t important enough to mention until nearly the end of the match) who is quickly launched out to the floor. Lita uses the distraction to hit the hurricanrana on Billy, allowing Jeff to hit a missile dropkick on Big Show. The Twist of Fate/Swanton/legdrop crush Show but Billy comes back in with his cobra clutch slam to give Show the pin on Matt.

Rating: D. For the life of me I do not get the obsession with pushing Billy Gunn outside of his most popular character. He’s just a guy who has a look and almost nothing more. If Big Show and Billy Gunn are the best they can do for a tag team at this point, they might as well just have the Hardys feud with Edge and Christian and the Dudleys forever because there’s nothing worth seeing here. Well other than Lita of course.

Vince tells Angle/Austin/Tajiri/Regal that he’s taking the night off and going to a bar. Actually, Tajiri can come with him. I’m assuming Tajiri will put a shirt on at some point. The two of them leave so Austin and Angle can yell at Regal for hugging Vince without their permission. Austin and Angle get in an argument over who makes the other sicker.

Intercontinental Title: Albert vs. Edge

Believe it or not (and I’m not sure why you wouldn’t), Albert is defending. You can tell how much this match matters as the video during the entrances is about Undertaker (who challenges for the title on Monday) vs. Diamond Dallas Page. Before the match, Edge rips on Albert’s X Factor theme (I always liked it) to tick the monster off. Edge has to fight out of the Baldo Bomb (chokebomb) but eats a bicycle kick square to the hands.

We hit a backbreaker, which Tazz informs us works on the back. A torture rack neckbreaker gets two for the champ and it’s off to a bearhug (which also works on the back). Albert misses a splash and Edge grabs the Edge-O-Matic for no cover. Instead he goes up and scores with the missile dropkick but Albert hits him low and grabs the Baldo Bomb to retain.

Rating: C. I have no idea why but I remember thinking Albert was a cool choice for the Intercontinental Title. It wasn’t going to last much longer as it would be sacrificed on the altar of the invasion but at least they gave the belt to someone fresh. You can only have Jericho, Angle, Edge and Benoit hold the thing for so long before it’s time for some new blood.

The locker room apologizes to Test for beating him up (as they thought he was a WCW mole) when Austin comes in to tell them to get together and fight the bacteria that is WCW. They can start tonight by beating up Booker T. Angle praises Austin and says Steve could beat up Booker T. and everyone else in this room, thereby screwing up the plan. Austin stares at him and throws his hat down.

Scotty 2 Hotty vs. Dean Malenko

Scotty is recently back from an injury. Malenko has Perry Saturn and Terri with him. Things start fast with Scotty armdragging Dean a few times but missing a dropkick. Malenko starts in on the leg but the Cloverleaf goes on too close to the ropes. Scotty’s rollup gets two but he gets knocked to the floor with a clothesline but Dean is down as well. Cue Saturn with Scotty’s hat to try the Worm on Dean (just go with it), only to have Scotty come back in and hit the real thing for the pin.

Rating: D+. Uh….yeah. Saturn being insane was funny and stayed entertaining enough for a long time though Malenko having character stuff like this wasn’t the best idea. I mean, it’s better than having him be a ladies man and all that (save for the Lita vignettes) but he really wasn’t cut out for the WWF in general.

A WCW referee wishes Page luck but Page talks about wanting to go after Undertaker and/or Kane.

We look back at last week’s Tough Enough. HHH will be on the show after Smackdown tonight and gave a speech that I believe talked a buddy of mine out of wanting to wrestle.

Austin yells at Angle and Debra about various things and is ready to beat up Booker T. Angle wants to bounce Booker around like a pogo stick so Steve sends him out to break Booker’s ankle. Angle: “Hold onto my hat.”

WCW World Title: Diamond Dallas Page vs. Booker T.

Page is challenging and it’s another full on WCW match. By that I mean WCW logos with graphics nowhere near as good as the company had and a commentary team that never did commentary for them. Page jumps the champ during his entrance but gets elbowed out to the floor in something that looked edited. Back in and the Diamond Cutter is broken up but Booker gets dropped face first onto the buckle.

They head outside again with Page being thrown over the announcers’ table and then into the crowd despite a lack of any real personal issue between them to warrant this kind of violence. Page takes over and stomps on Booker’s hand back inside. A good looking Batista Bomb gets two on Booker and sets off his comeback, including the ax kick. Page bails to the floor and sends Booker into the steps before grabbing a chair. The referee is shoved down (DQ? Anyone?) and a DDT onto the chair gives Page two. Cue the Undertaker for a distraction and Booker rolls Page up to retain.

Rating: B-. Good match and all but again there’s almost no reason for the fans to care. As far as WWF fans are concerned, these are brand new wrestlers who just happen to be fighting over a title. I’m sure a lot of them know who these two are but that doesn’t mean they want to see a title match here. If they did, they probably would have watched Nitro more often.

Undertaker chases Page off and here’s Angle to go after Booker. An ax kick puts Angle down and there’s a belt shot to the face.

We go to the parking lot where the WCW guys jump Undertaker but can’t even knock him off his feet. Eight guys pounding on him and barely having any effect should tell you all you need to know about this story. They FINALLY get him down but WCW owner Shane McMahon comes in for the save, only to have Page beat him up too. Booker calls them off and gets beaten down as well to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. The show wasn’t bad and the Austin/Angle comedy stuff is oddly hilarious but this WCW story is clearly dead in the water. You can blame it on probably a dozen factors but a lot of it comes down to people not wanting to see WCW wrestlers on the WWF show. If I didn’t want to watch WCW with all of its star power, why would I care about Booker T., Diamond Dallas Page as a character so different from what made him famous and then everyone else that just happens to be there? Things are only going to get worse from here but they’re really not off to a good start.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s WWE Grab Bag at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01IH7O904

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6