Now don’t laugh. Today is Hugh Morrus.

Morrus got started in 1990 and eventually started the gimmick of Crash the Terminator. He would wrestle in the original ECW for a bit around this time, including this match at Ultra Clash 1993.

Headhunters vs. Crash the Terminator/Miguel Perez Jr.

The Headhunters are two big fat guys that look alike from Puerto Rico. Migues Perez was one of Loc Boricuas. Crash is more commonly known as Hugh Morrus or Bill DeMott. THIS is the main event? There are baseball bats involved here somehow but I can’t understand the ring announcer. There’s something about counting from ten to zero. Ah ok. The bat is in the ring and we start at opposite sides of the ring. At the end of the countdown you rush the ring and whoever gets the bat first can use it. That makes sense.

Perez gets it and hands it to Crash. Shouldn’t a bat to the back half kill you? Joey busts into a chorus of Take me Out to the Ball Game in a funny line. It’s another brawl where we can’t see anything. Crash went through a wall. Miguel takes like five bat shots and is fine. There’s a HUGE hole in the wall where the other two went through it. Ok the bat shots are just stupid now as there have been at least thirty combined of them.

The referee just strolls around the ring out of boredom which is funny for some reason. Perez misses a Lionsault so bad that it makes Starship Pain look perfect. Miguel and a Headhunter (Joey doesn’t know their names either and they’re more or less identical) go up the scaffold. Everyone misses a top rope move as the scaffold means nothing apparently. A Headhunter hits a moonsault to end this insanity. This was for a Japanese tag title apparently. Thanks for letting us know that.

Rating: D+. Just pure insanity but since I COULDN’T SEE MOST OF IT I can’t say it was good. ECW always had a big problem with their camera work and this was no exception. You couldn’t see anything and the match is completely uninteresting because of it. The bat stopped being important about three minutes in and then it was just pounding on each other. Odd choice for the main event too.

It was off to WCW after this with the new name of Hugh Morrus. One of his first matches was on WCW Pro, December 30, 1995.

Hugh Morrus vs. Terry Morgan

Morrus runs him over to start before planting Morgan with a powerslam. A sitout powerbomb ends Terry in less than a minute.

We’ll up the opposition a bit. From Nitro on February 5, 1996.

Kevin Sullivan/Hugh Morrus vs. Arn Anderson/Brian Pillman

Before the match we get a clip of their brawl the previous week. Sweet goodness I could listen to that Horsemen music for a long time. Bell rings after a break with Morrus vs. Pillman. I think this is Pillman’s last Nitro. Bischoff points out how scary it is to have Anderson be the sanest guy in the match. Pillman can’t hurt Morrus as this was when they wanted Morrus to be something special I think.

Big press slam puts Pillman down and the same goes for Anderson. We hear about the strap match on Sunday. I’ll post my review of the PPV at the end of this review. Make sure to check that out as it might be the most bizarre stories in wrestling history. Off to Morrus vs. Anderson and Anderson hits a spinebuster for no cover.

Pillman comes in, slaps Morrus and then tags in Anderson. I liked his insane bits back in the day like this. Anderson with a chinlock now as we haven’t had Sullivan in here for the majority of the match. Back off to Pillman and then right back to Anderson. Other than the opening I don’t think the Pillman has been in there longer than 15 seconds.

It’s been about 85% Horsemen here and Morrus is sent to the floor. Pillman sends him into the railing and the laughing dude is starting to laugh. Bischoff says we’re awaiting word from the coroner for word about Hogan and his eye. I give up. Sullivan vs. Pillman now and the fight is on. Sullivan bites his face and wants blood. Anderson saves his partner and Anderson gets a broom broken over his back by someone we can’t see. The Dungeon (Morrus/Sullivan) beats on Pillman with the strap for the DQ.

Rating: D+. Basic brawl for the most part but the Sullivan vs. Pillman was interesting to say the least. It was some of the best acting that has ever happened in wrestling and evolved into Benoit vs. Sullivan. This feud went on forever and thankfully the NWO came in to end it. Basic match but it set up the PPV match well enough.

Now for a big singles match from May 6, 1996 on Nitro.

Hugh Morrus vs. Randy Savage

We’re already talking about the PPV in August of all things. No one ever said that Bischoff didn’t push his ideas. Morrus jumps Savage on the floor and the fight is on early. He controls early as Savage is in trouble. Morrus (Bill DeMott) puts the hat and glasses on and even the jacket just to make sure he’s going to die. Savage snaps (into it) and choeks Morrus over the top with the jacket and it’s a DQ very quickly.

Off to PPV now for a gimmicky brawl. From Souled Out 1997.

Big Bubba vs. Hugh Morrus

This is Dungeon vs. NWO as Bubba jumped so the Dungeon is after him. This is a Mexican death match despite the lack of Mexicanocity. No intro for Morrus at all. Morrus looks like Big Dick Dudley. Ok then. The whole death match aspect here is never really explained but whatever. Morrus hits a clothesline to put Bubba on the floor.

Bubba finds a chain from somewhere and whips Morrus with it. We’re told that a Mexican Death Match means anything goes. No Laughing Matter hits and of course no cover. Oh ok it’s more or less last man standing. Patrick counts as slowly as possible so Morrus gets after him.

Boss Man gets back up and does nothing but really basic punches and strikes. Morrus just blasts him with a low blow and Bubba heads out for a walk. We go to the stage where Morrus misses a moonsault, which was completely messed up anyway so they would have been on top of each other. Bubba grabs a motorcycle and runs down Morrus Rikishi style to of course end it.

Rating: D. Kind of just a brawl here with Bubba not doing much at all. Naturally this had no point and would only be on this PPV and this one alone. This went nowhere and the ending was really stupid. At least it was short. Whenever we get to that point it’s never a good sign.

Morrus would continue to feud with the Horsemen, including this match on the March 24, 1997 episode of Nitro.

Chris Benoit vs. Hugh Morrus

Brawl to start as Tenay says this is a real life feud with Benoit vs. Sullivan. Morrus hits a gorilla press on Benoit followed by a running corner splash. We get what sounds like a MORRUS chant. Benoit comes back with a release German but Konnan shoves him down when he’s loading up the Swan Dive. No Laughing Matter gets the quick pin.

It had to start somewhere. From Nitro on September 22, 1997.

Bill Goldberg vs. Hugh Morrus

Tenay has no idea who Goldberg is, shocking the other announcers. Larry: “YOU DON’T KNOW?” They trade hammerlocks to start and seem to miss each other a bit. Goldberg takes him down into a knee bar and pounds away in the corner. Morrus comes out of the corner with a middle rope clothesline and No Laughing Matter hits….for two? Goldberg pops up from a shoulder block and hits a powerslam and a regular slam to follow it up. The yet to be named Jackhammer ends this quick. As Goldberg says after the match: “That’s #1”.

Here’s a match with a guy that would be a much bigger deal a year later. From Nitro on December 1, 1997.

Wrath vs. Hugh Morrus

Feeling out process to start with both guys trying to show off the power. Morrus takes over for a bit but Vandenberg trips him up, allowing Wrath to knock Hugh to the floor. Wrath hits a sweet flip dive off the apron to take Morrus down and we go back inside. A top rope clothesline gets two for Wrath as we see Mortis wrap a chain around his boot. I think you can see the rest of this coming: Wrath holds Morrus for a kick with said boot but gets blasted in the head himself, allowing Hugh to hit No Laughing Matter (moonsault) for the fast pin.

Off to Thunder on June 24, 1998.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Hugh Morrus

Guerrero is still looking over his shoulder for his crazy nephew and Morrus pounds away on him to start. Eddie finally gets away for a bit and dropkicks the knee out before hitting a nice headscissors. The fans chant for Chavo and Eddie freaks out but stays on the knee like a good villain. Morrus makes his comeback with a quick slam but misses an elbow off the top. Chavo comes out to a big reaction and the distraction lets Hugh slam Eddie off the top and hit the moonsault for the pin. More storyline development though the same thing we got on Nitro.

Morrus would get in the middle of a long feud on Nitro, February 22, 1999.

Chris Jericho vs. Hugh Morrus

Ralphus is now in a blue dress with a bit lower neckline. Before the match, Jericho implies that Saturn is gay because he wears the dress despite not having to anymore. They hit the floor for a chase right after the bell before Morrus slams Jericho down. A delayed gorilla press puts Jericho on the mat again as Steiner vs. Goldberg is official for later.

Morrus misses a top rope elbow and goes outside, allowing Jericho to nail a top rope cross body to take out Hugh and Jimmy Hart. Some flowers to Morrus’ back put him down and we hit the chinlock inside. A slap to Morrus’ chest wakes him up and Heenan is in full comedy mode about Ralphus. Morrus does the Jericho strut but Chris kicks the leg out.

Back up and Morrus counters a hurricanrana with a powerbomb before nailing a running splash in the corner. Jericho avoids a charge in the corner and rolls him up for two with his feet on the ropes. Ralphus tries Morrus but Saturn comes out and strips the dress off the toothless wonder. Saturn goes in and hits Jericho with a Death Valley Driver, allowing No Laughing Matter to give Morrus the pin.

Rating: D+. This is a recent change to WCW and it’s getting annoying: long matches to set up a quick finish. I like long wrestling matches when they’re entertaining, but I can do without nine minutes of Chris Jericho vs. Hugh Morrus when we know Saturn is comingout due to Jericho’s earlier comments. The same thing was true of Kaz vs. Disco. It wasn’t entertaining but we had to sit through it forever anyway. I shouldn’t be able to make a sandwich during a Kaz Hayashi match.

From a week later.

Hugh Morrus vs. Perry Saturn

Saturn hammers away to start but Jimmy Hart trips him up to give Morrus control. Tony announces Hak vs. Raven vs. Bam Bam Bigelow and Windham/Hennig vs. Malenko/Benoit for Uncensored. Morrus charges into a boot in the corner and Saturn suplexes him down. A Fameasser puts Hugh down but another Hart distraction lets Morrus nail a clothesline. Back in and Morrus gorilla presses him down for two before cranking on a chinlock.

A clothesline gets two more for Morrus as the fans are just dead here. Back to the chinlock for a bit before Morrus goes up, only to jump into a northern lights suplex for two. There’s a t-bone suplex to put Morrus down but Chris Jericho comes out with I think a chain to lay Saturn out. No Laughing Matter gives Morrus the pin.

Rating: D. What a dull match. I have no idea why they started doubling the length of TV matches but it’s very annoying when they have boring matches like this filling in all that time. This really didn’t work as about three minutes were spent in a chinlock. The Jericho vs. Saturn feud needs to die already.

Morrus would hook up with Brian Knobbs as part of the First Family at Fall Brawl 1999.

Brian Knobbs/Hugh Morrus vs. Shane Douglas/Dean Malenko

Pre-match the face team (Douglas/Malenko) do their thing, but Shane says the wrong city and state. Oh dear. Douglas/Malenko are part of the Revolution, which was supposed to be a youth uprising thing but turned into an anti-American thing like a month after this. Knobbs/Morrus are the First Family, which is Jimmy Hart’s very low level stable. This is also No DQ for no apparent reason. Big brawl to start so Dean kicks them both in the balls to take over. Shane comes back in and the Revolution cleans the ring out.

Double baseball slides take out the First Family as this is still a big brawl. The Revolution is sent into various metal objects and something goes flying that we can’t identify. Either way it half kills Shane. We get things down to normal now as Knobbs rubs his armpit in the face of Shane. Shane gets all ticked off and brings in Dean, who has little trouble taking care of Knobbs. Speaking of Knobbs, why in the world is he on PPV in 1999?

Dean works the arm and then the wrist. When you can make a wristlock look freaking sick, that’s a good sign. Off to Morrus and Shane again as this is more or less target practice for the Revolution. Knobbs and Shane go back to the floor for more brawling so back in the ring Shane is tagged in. Tony gets his first stupid line of the match in by saying they’ve kept this in the ring so far. It’s important to mention that it’s the first stupid line because we’ve been on the air about 40 minutes so far.

The Revolution clears the ring again and Shane takes over on Knobbs soon thereafter. Double teaming gets Douglas down so Knobbs gets to go on his, ahem, offense. Middle rope splash eats a foot which looks like it nearly broke Shane’s leg. Double tag with a small pop for Dean, who I think is half of the face team. Dean cleans house….and gets tripped up by Knobbs, allowing Morrus to take over and hit No Laughing Matter to end this. Clean. On PPV. Hugh Morrus pinned Dean Malenko. In 1999. And people wonder why the Radicals happened in four months.

Rating: D. The match was a mess, there seemed to be no po….oh screw it. WHAT THE HECK ARE THEY THINKING??? Dude, why in the world would this be the booking move? I mean really it’s HUGH FREAKING MORRUS and BRIAN KNOBBS going over Shane Douglas and Dean Malenko in 1999. This is so idiotic I can’t even begin to describe it. Dean, please just leave now. It’s not going to get any better, I assure you.

After taking several months off at the end of the year, Morrus would return as Captain Rection of the MIA. Here he is on Nitro, July 24, 2000 in a mess that only WCW 2000 could produce.

Filthy Animals vs. Misfits in Action vs. Perfect Event vs. Natural Born Thrillers

The teams are Rey Mysterio/Juventud Guerrera, Hugh Morrus/Lash Leroux (Captain Rection and Corporal Cajun, which I won’t be calling them), Shawn Stasiak/Chuck Palumbo and Sean O’Haire/Mark Jindrak respectfully. This is in the Caged Heat cage, which is WCW’s name for Hell in a Cell. It’s escape only and the last team in the cage is out of the four way title match at New Blood Rising. Palumbo immediately goes for the door but gets caught and beaten down just as fast. Konnan is on commentary here.

This is more like a battle royal than a cage match to start, as everyone is beating on everyone at once. O’Haire hits the first big spot of the match, firing off the Seanton (Swanton) Bomb on Morrus. There are no covers in this as it’s escape only remember. The fighting continues as we see Rey and Juvi hiding in the corner of the cage. That’s pretty smart when you think about it.

Palumbo hits a jumping back elbow on Morrus and in the chaos, the Thrillers both walk out and advance to the PPV. Rey goes up for a cross body onto Stasiak but Stasiak catches him in mid air. That’s more power than he usually shows. Juvy dropkicks Rey onto Stasiak, sending Shawn to the floor, where he and Palumbo make their escape. We’re down to the Filthy Animals vs. the Misfits.

Morrus loads up the No Laughing Matter moonsault but Juvy makes the save. The Bronco Buster keeps Morrus down….and then things stop making sense as the Perfect Event lock the cage. No explanation is given for this but I guess it makes sense in Russo’s mind. Mark Madden pulls out some bolt cutters for Konnan who doesn’t use them immediately. The match basically stops as Disco Inferno of the Animals goes up top and opens a door on top of the cage.

Back in the ring the Animals set up a ladder because this match isn’t overbooked enough yet. They beat down the Misfits so they can climb the ladder and dive on them again. You know, because going through the opening in the roof would make too much sense. Everyone is down after the dive and for a second we actually get a breather. Morrus is up first and climbs the ladder to escape, only to be stomped on by Disco who is still on top of the cage.

Rey climbs up and it’s Juvi vs. Lash, the latter of which has done next to nothing in this match. Konnan finally cuts the lock off the door as Morrus fights off Rey and Disco (Rey is a heel here, if that gives you any idea how stupid this company was) as the other two walk out the door. So now there’s no one in the cage but the match continues. Tony: “We’re completely lost.”

There’s a table set up on the floor and Morrus teases diving off the top through Juvi through said table, but Rey stops him from killing himself. Juvy gets up and stands the table against the cage before sending Lash through it. Morrus and Rey go back through the roof and down into the ring again because….well why not? It doesn’t last long though as Morrus counters a rana into a powerbomb to escape and…..win I guess?

Rating: W. As in WHAT? Where in the world do I begin? First of all, why would you have a big match like this to qualify for another match? Second, why would you have a match like this to eliminate someone? Third, why didn’t the match end when everyone was out of the cage? Fourth, if they could go through the door only, WHY WOULD THEY GO ON THE FREAKING ROOF?

Fifth, why would this match be on Nitro instead of on the PPV? Sixth, why did it take Konnan so long to open the door? Seventh, why did Madden have bolt cutters? Eighth, why were the first two teams in this in the first place? Ninth, who thought Rey as a heel was a good idea? Finally, WHAT DID I JUST WATCH???

Rection would go after the US Title and receive a shot at Halloween Havoc 2000.

US Title: Jim Duggan/Lance Storm vs. General Rection

Storm is US Champion and has Major Gunns with him who is there against her will. Those white shorts were incredible looking on her though. Duggan was turned heel for zero apparent reason but hey, why not go against his character for about 12 years? Storm is still awesome in this role though so I’ll give him that. I feel sorry for Rection. He was trying as hard as he could here but the name was just something you couldn’t take him seriously with.

Duggan’s board is thrown out. I wish someone would take away my bored(om). The fans chant USA for the American face here. The Americans start us off here. Storm comes in and Rection clears the ring. Storm in now as nothing is really going on yet. They’re trying to make Rection look like a big deal here but like I’ve said, with that name how is that really possible?

Hacksaw goes for the referee but does nothing with him. He looks old and fat here so I guess he fits in perfectly. Double clothesline puts both guys down. I know I’m not saying much here but there’s nothing to say here. Sleeper goes on and draws some boos. Rection moves out of the way so Storm drills Duggan. Madden says the General has to beat both guys then says just one guy. Love that clarification Mark. I bet if this was TNA you’d know for sure.

Down goes everyone included the referee leaving only Duggan standing. Duggan hits a Piledriver but there’s no referee. He finally comes back and gets crushed on Rection’s kickout. Elix Skipper, another member of Team Canada, comes out with the board but Gunns drills him with the Canadian flag. She jumps Storm, allowing Rection to hit the moonsault (as in his head hits Duggan’s knee kind of) for the US Title.

Rating: D-. All because of Gunns here. This was just boring and the missed spot near the end just killed this thing out of whatever it had left going for it. General Rection is the US Champion. Is calling him Hugh Morrus really all that bad? It’s certainly a better sounding name but whatever. Pretty weak match so it fits in with the rest of the show.

He would try to get it back at Mayhem 2000.

US Title: Lance Storm vs. General Rection

They take Bigelow out while Storm comes out. Nice guys there. Gunns looks great at least. Storm says he’s fighting hurt which no one believes. Storm is champion here. We get a Rocky Horror reference for no apparent reason at all. And to the shock of no one that has paid attention to this company, Bigelow pops up and drills Rection from behind and of course he’s fine. Reason for this? Who cares? Logic behind this? Not important. IT’S A SWERVE!

Stevie says it’s coming together now. What the heck is coming together??? How in the world does this make sense? What does Bigelow have to do with the Canadians? I’d assume he was paid off or something but why should we need to be told that? Storm works on the head. Uh make that the ribs. Or maybe the knee. And so much for that as Rection sends him into the railing to break the momentum.

And so much for THAT as Storm kicks him in the knee to take over again. Storm goes for the Maple Leaf back in the ring but can’t get it on before the General gets to the ropes. They really tried to push Rection at the very end but at the end of the day his name was General Rection so no one bought this. Rection tries to make another comeback but the second best superkick in wrestling takes him down.

Rection gets a powerslam and Gunns crotches him as he goes up for the moonsault. And never mind as he just gets up and hits it anyway. Rection hit two offensive moves and the moonsault is a BIG stretch as it was more or less a headbutt with a twist. This might be the weakest feud ending win for a face that I have ever seen.

Rating: D. Major Gunns looked good in those tight shorts and that’s about it. They cut the legs out from under Rection here as he was DOMINATED and got taken down by Storm time after time again. This was just awful with Storm looking completely dominant. There was about five minutes missing here but we got the Mancow vs. Hart match baby!

Morrus would head to the WWF during the InVasion but wouldn’t do much. Here’s one of his few Raw matches from August 20, 2001.

APA/Scotty 2 Hotty/Big Show/Spike Dudley/Billy Gunn vs. Dudley Boys/Chuck Palumbo/Sean O’Haire/Hugh Morrus/Tommy Dreamer

There are twelve in this if you don’t feel like counting. Farrooq vs. Palumbo to start things off. Quickly off to Sean and Scotty. I wouldn’t expect any long segments in this match. Morrus and Dreamer try to double team Hotty but get taken down by a double clothesline. Here’s Gunn who gets caught in What’s Up but the APA saves. Bradshaw pounds on Tommy and Spike adds a double stomp off the top.

Dreamer catches Spike in a half crab but it’s off to Bubba for some power. A HUGH double flapjack gets two for D-Von. Morrus comes in and walks into a Dudley Dog. Show comes in and everything breaks down. It’s finishers all around for the next minute or so, ending with Show killing Dreamer with the chokeslam for the win.

Rating: C-. This was a big mess but the parade of finishers is always fun to see. It makes no sense as why wouldn’t they use those all the time, but it’s always cool to see. This was really the only way to get most of the people on the roster onto the shows, especially before the Brand Split, which really was a good thing.

The InVasion didn’t have much for Morrus so we’ll jump ahead to June 1, 2002 on the Saturday night Velocity show.

Hugh Morrus vs. Albert

Albert hammers away to start and runs him over with a clothesline. Morrus fights back and goes to the middle rope, only to dive into a bicycle kick to lay him out. We hit an abdominal stretch of all things on Morrus but Albert gets caught holding the ropes. Morrus makes his comeback with a shoulder block and a release German suplex for two. A top rope elbow gets the same for Morrus but he misses the moonsault. The Baldo Bomb is enough to give Albert the pin.

Rating: D+. Not a bad power match here but the abdominal stretch felt like Albert was trying psychology but had no idea what he was doing. Morrus continues to move around far better than someone of his size should be able to. Albert’s push was coming and a name change to A-Train helped a bit.

We’ll wrap it up with Morrus, now under his real name of Bill DeMott, facing the debuting Nathan Jones on Smackdown, April 10, 2003.

Bill DeMott vs. Nathan Jones

The massive Jones shoves him into the corner with ease but DeMott shouts that this is his show. Jones easily throws him out to the floor, brings him back inside and ends him with a big boot.

Morrus was a fairly talented big man who would fine his real niche as a trainer on Tough Enough and down in NXT.  No he wasn’t a huge star, but to go from a guy named Hugh Morrus to a two time US Champion is quite the accomplishment.  He had a good moonsault and looked tough enough (see what I did there?) and WCW took a small chance on him.  Morrus wasn’t great or anything but he did well enough.

 

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Today is old 8 3/8 himself, Albert.

Albert got his start back in 1998 and, after some work in OVW, debuted in the WWF in 1999. We’ll pick things up at the 1999 Survivor Series.

Big Show vs. Mideon/Viscera/Big Boss Man/Prince Albert

This was supposed to be Big Show and Kaientai and Blue Meanie but Show beat them up so he could do this himself. This is during Boss Man vs. Big Show, which is based around Boss Man making fun of Show for having his dad die (kayfabe). It led to a bad moment at a “funeral” where Boss Man stole the coffin and dragged Show along the ground on top of the coffin with a car. Show chokes Albert to the floor and chokeslams Mideon for the pin in less than 20 seconds. Albert is gone 10 seconds later to a chokeslam, as is Big Visc. Boss Man is like screw this and walks out. Show wins in less than 90 seconds.

Let’s try a bit longer match, from Smackdown on January 13, 2000.

Hardy Boys vs. Big Bossman/Prince Albert

This is before Lita joined the team so it’s Terri with them here. Albert is currently known as Tensai. He and Jeff get us going with Jeff having to evade a lot. Off to Matt for some successful double teaming on the current Japanese enthusiast. Albert gets Matt up for a spinning rack neckbreaker and it’s off to Bossman. He beats Matt down even more and kidnaps Terri which goes nowhere. Everything breaks down and Jeff avoids a charging Albert, sending him into Bossman. Albert and Bossman had been arguing a lot lately so while they fight some more, Jeff dropkicks Bossman into Alberto and rolls him up for the pin.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here really but it was all about splitting up Albert and Bossman for good, which needed to be done. Bossman would do nothing of note while Albert would join T&A which gave us some very hot shots of Trish Stratus. The match was nothing of note though and was just there as a means to an end.

We’ll head back to PPV now with Backlash 2000 as Albert is now part of T&A with Test.

T&A vs. Dudley Boys

Brawl to start of course and Bubba chases Trish around on the floor. Albert and D-Von get us going with the future Japanese bore taking control. D-Von takes him down for two and I have no idea who the faces are and who the heels are here. Off to Bubba who takes his head off with a clothesline. That and an elbow drop both get two. Off to D-Von and the Dudleys hit a double suplex and the yet to be named What’s Up.

Albert comes back with a bicycle kick and it’s off to Test. Double splashes in the corner get two on D-Von. I could listen to Bubba Dudley yell from an apron all day. I’d get pretty bored but I certainly could do it. The big evil (I think?) ones double team D-Von. Albert slams Test onto D-Von and shouts to TESTIFY TO THAT. Bubba: “SHUT UP!” The fans of course want tables but D-Von gets a neckbreaker on Test instead.

The referee misses the tag to Bubba and the beating continues. Albert hits his slingshot into the bottom rope for two. A sunset flip out of nowhere gets two for D-Von, but he’s quickly powerbombed for the same. The fans want tables and Trish isn’t sure what to think. Albert goes up but Bubba distracts him, allowing D-Von to hit a superplex and make the hot tag.

Reverse 3D (called the 3D by JR of course) gets two. Baldo Bomb kills Bubba but D-Von pulls him away from the big elbow. The Dudleys load up the REAL 3D (as in Bubba gets a running start) but Trish offers a distraction by taking her jacket off and shaking her hips. Keep in mind that this is before Trish let herself go in 2001/2002, and yes I said that right. That lets Test kick Bubba’s head off for the pin.

Rating: D+. Anything with Trish in hot pink shorts and shaking her hips is never a bad thing. The match however was pretty bad, but the whole point was the post match stuff. Also the Dudleys were more or less turned face in this match due to the fans loving hot women being put through tables for some reason.

Time for a six man tag on Raw, June 5, 2000.

Rikishi/Too Cool vs. T&A/Val Venis

Too Cool are tag team champions here. That’s one of the great things about this time period: Too Cool got WAY over while feuding with the Radicals over the spring and the company saw potential in them. Instead of jobbing them out for months, they gave them the tag titles at the end of May as a reward, while also giving them extra credibility. Today you would see them jobbed out in stupid comedy matches or left off television entirely for getting over against the writers’ wishes. I mean, why would you want to have the wrestlers get over themselves, therefore doing the writers’ work for them?

Test and Scotty start things off with Mr. Hotty clotheslining Test down and bringing in Grandmaster for their double elbow. Albert (Tensai) comes in and tries to ram Grandmaster into the buckle but pulls his hat off instead. A middle rope dropkick puts Albert down and it’s off to Val vs. Rikishi, but the other big men triple team the Samoan down. Albert tries a sunset flip but Rikishi sits his 400lbs down on his chest. Everything breaks down and Scotty hits the Worm on Test, followed by the Hip Hop Drop (top rope legdrop) but there’s no referee. In the confusion, Val hits Grandmaster with a title belt for the pin.

Rating: D. This didn’t do anything for me although I forgot how stunning Trish was at this point. I’m also not clear on the reason behind having Too Cool win the titles last week and then lose in a six man here. The match wasn’t much but it would set up two different feuds in the future so it’s not all bad.

Back to Backlash as Albert is now part of the X Factor team.

Dudley Boys vs. X-Factor

Six man tag here with all three Dudleyz vs. X-Pac, Credible and Albert. Dang they go from one of the most famous tag matches ever to a six man opening a PPV four weeks later. Brawl to start with the Dudleys clearing the ring. They launch Spike onto Pac and Credible on the floor which is always fun. Spike and Credible start us off with Spike getting a crucifix for two.

Off to Albert who counters the Dudley Dog to take over. Back to Justin and the white socks of fear. Powerbomb out of the corner gets two as this crowd is red hot. Double tags bring in D-Von and Pac and Albert cheats, allowing Pac to kick D-Von’s head off to take over again. X-Factor minus Pac puts D-Von’s balls against the post as this is a rather fast paced match.

Pac gets two off a legdrop and we hit the chinlock. D-Von tries a comeback but walks into a Boss Man Slam to keep him down. Off to Albert who hits a pretty sweet delayed butterfly suplex for two. After a double clothesline it’s hot tag Bubba who cleans house on all three guys. What’s Up to Justin and it’s table time. Albert kills D-Von though and the distraction allows Credible and Pac to hit a double superkick on Bubba for the pin.

Rating: B-. Pretty solid opener here with some fast paced stuff. They got the crowd into the show (ok so this is Chicago so it’s not like it was that hard) and the ending worked. Nothing wrong with having heels win the opener as the match was good enough to get the fans over it. Also the lack of feud prevents the whole emotional damage.

Albert would get in on the InVasion and took the Intercontinental Title from Kane in a match that is hard to find in full. Here’s a defense from Raw on July 9, 2001.

Intercontinental Title: Rhyno vs. Albert

Slugout to start (I’m as shocked as you are) with Rhyno stomping the champ down into the corner. Pac runs in while Albert has the referee and superkicks Rhyno for two. Rhyno manages to get in a shot to buy himself some time and they slug it out for a bit. Belly to back suplex and a top rope splash combine for two. The Gore misses though and the Baldo Bomb is countered. Pac comes in and gets Gored. The distraction lets a bicycle kick keep the title on Albert.

Rating: D+. Back to back power matches probably isn’t a good idea but it wasn’t all that bad. Albert is a guy that was on the roll of his life at this point but soon enough he’d be just another guy in the Alliance war. Not much to see here but they were at least trying to make a new star with him as he beat up various power guys.

Albert would appear on the post 9/11 episode of Smackdown.

X-Factor vs. APA

X-Factor is X-Pac and Albert. Pac has the Light Heavyweight and Cruiserweight Titles. Pac vs. Farrooq to start us off with the tiny guy getting hammered down very quickly. Pac gets some kicks in and here’s Bradshaw, making the tiny guy run. Off to Albert vs. Bradshaw and down goes Albert to a big boot. JR talks about dipping Bradshaw’s fist in barbecue sauce.

Vader Bomb by Albert misses and it’s off to Simmons. BIG bicycle kick takes his head down as JR is planning a road trip with Heyman to Oklahoma. Spinebuster takes Pac down and it’s back to Bradshaw vs. Albert. Fallaway Slam sends X-Pac flying. Albert misses a splash and the Clothesline From JBL (complete with a Hook Em Horns sign) ends this with relative ease.

Rating: C-. Pretty weak match but the commentary was hilarious. I have no idea if they were talking in code or if this was just random chatter to fill in time but it cracked me up. JR can be funny when he’s not taking himself far too seriously. The APA was far past their prime here but they could still fight.

Another tag team match at Vengeance 2001.

Albert/Scotty 2 Hotty vs. Christian/Test

GO BACK TO THE OLD GUYS! Albert is the Hip Hop Hippo at the moment. Egads. They aren’t the Unamericans yet. And the Heat match was the APA vs. Billy and Chuck. Why can’t we see that instead? You know these reviews aren’t really as angry as they used to be. Granted that could be because these shows are far less insulting to my intelligence. They may be weaker shows but they’re competent at least which is more than a lot of shows give you.

Christian is European Champion at the time. Albert is the Hip Hop Hippo at this point. Take me now. And remember people: this guy was INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION. He was one of those guys that always seemed like was on the verge of a big push but it never happened. Lawler makes some bad jokes about potential names for the faces. He’s just making this more painful if that’s somehow possible. Wow it’s weird seeing Teddy Long as a worthless referee.

Far more used to him being a useless GM. Scotty and Test work the majority of this match for reasons that completely elude me. Oh look it’s Albert vs. Christian rather than Test vs. Albert, as in you know, FORMER TAG PARTNERS FIGHTING. I guess that would make too much sense. We get a Giant Swing and a Don Leo Jonathan reference. Wow indeed. Albert just massacres both heels.

With some tweeking to his gimmick, he could have been passable. And now Christian does the Worm. We get a surprisingly decent sequence as Scotty is down. And of course we get the Worm. These kinds of moves are just stupid. A simple bulldog keeps Test down for about 20 seconds which it takes for the setup for it? See why that’s idiotic? Baldo Bomb, a two handed chokeslam into a powerbomb, ends it. It actually got a pop.

Rating: D. Just…why? What in the world was the point of having this match on PPV? This was something that belonged on Velocity or Heat or something like that. It was as generic as you could ask a match to be also. This was just a head scratcher and not that good, especially on a pay per view.

Albert spent a lot of time on the low level weekend shows in 2002. We’ll pick things up at Armageddon 2002 with Albert now known as A-Train.

Edge vs. A-Train

A-Train is freshly renamed here. I think this is Survivor Series fallout. Oh never mind. Actually it was an attack on Smackdown as A-Train is trying to get noticed I guess. Edge has a torn MCL which doesn’t need surgery. A-Train also injured Rey and put him out so this is also a revenge match. Train takes over with power to start but gets sent into the post shoulder first. Edge goes for the knee of course but you can’t do everything right I guess.

Train gets a powerslam for two and the power beating is on. Off to the chinlock as I guess three minutes of action was too much for Train. Edge hammers him into the corner but can’t get very far with it. After a near fall Edge hits a pretty cool move with a spinning Edge-O-Matic off the middle rope. Something off the top jumps into a bicycle kick so Train goes for a chair. That fails and a top rope cross body gets two. Chokebomb gets two. Train grabs the chair again but a spear hits him, surprisingly only for two. And never mind as a chair to the bad knee of Edge ends this in a DQ.

Rating: D+. WWE was in a weird place here as the Smackdowns were incredibly and were giving up 10-15 minute awesome matches so they had to have matches like these somewhere. Pretty much nothing here as Train was awful as usual and Edge was good but not a miracle worker. The ending sucked too.

A-Train would hook up with Big Show to try and end Undertaker’s Streak at Wrestlemania XIX.

Undertaker vs. A-Train/Big Show

Taker avoids a sneak attack to start and hits a quick chokeslam on A-Train for two. Big Show pulls him to the floor though and will be starting it seems. Taker has to fight out of the wrong corner and it’s quickly off to A-Train. The dead man busts out a LEAPFROG of all things before taking A-Train down with a back elbow. Old School hits but Taker has to punch Big Show instead of covering.

The Derailer (chokebomb) puts Taker down and Big Show rams him into the post for good measure. Back in and A-Train hits a slingshot into the middle rope for two. Big Show comes in again and all Taker can do is throw desperate right hands. A Big Show chokeslam is countered into a Fujiwara Armbar of all things but A-Train comes in to break it up. Taker throws him in a cross armbreaker but Big Show legdrops him to take control.

Off to an abdominal stretch by Big Show to slow things down a bit. A-Train adds in some cheating before coming in for an abdominal stretch of his own. Now Taker counters into one of his own to complete the set (You can own them all!), only to have A-Train hip toss his way out of it. A-Train clotheslines him down and talks some LOUD trash before Taker comes back with right hands. A running DDT gets two for Taker but it’s back to Big Show.

Taker is like screw this defense stuff and pounds away on Big Show in the corner before running across the ring over and over for clotheslines to both guys. The jumping clothesline puts Show down but a bicycle kick from A-Train puts him down all over again. There’s a Big Show chokeslam but here’s Nathan Jones in the aisle to knock out Big Show with a spin kick. Jones come in and kicks A-Train down, setting up the Tombstone to continue the Streak.

Rating: C. Another not bad match here with Taker doing what he could with two guys this size. It was kind of slow, but there’s only so much you can do with this kind of a clash of styles and no partner for the Dead Man. While definitely not memorable or anything, it did well enough at what it was supposed to do, bad musical number aside.

We’ll wrap up the first WWE run at No Mercy 2003.

A-Train vs. Chris Benoit

A-Train got probably the biggest push of his career at this point as he was in the midcard. This would more or less be the last part of said push. Tazz: “They love pierced nipples in Denmark.” Benoit tries to go for the knee but A-Train runs him over with the power. Train throws him to the floor again and Benoit isn’t sure what to do with him. A-Train takes over again and pounds him down, hitting a splash for two.

We talk about Stu Hart dying three days before this as A-Train stomps away even more. Cole praises him as he always does while Train pounds on Benoit’s neck in the corner. He hits that slingshot into the middle rope move he used most of the time to further work on Benoit’s neck. Train loads up a Pedigree grip but lifts Benoit into the air and drives Benoit’s head into his knee, getting two and a busted mouth for the Wolverine.

Benoit fires back but Train rams him down with a double ax to the chest. Off to a bow and arrow hold but Benoit speeds things up and hits a DDT to slow the Train down. In a big change of pace, the American hits a German on the Canadian to put him down. A-Train goes to the floor and pulls in a chair. Train tries something on Benoit but Benoit tries to slide down into a sunset flip. Instead, Benoit falls and lands ON HIS HEAD on the chair. FREAKING OW MAN!!!

Benoit grabs the Crossface but A-Train counters. Instead it’s Rolling Germans time but A-Train gets up and slams him off the top to counter the Swan Dive. The bald one mocks the Benoit throat slit signal and looks to go up. He realizes how crazy that would be and comes down for a Derailer (chokebomb) instead. That only gets two so he loads up the bicycle kick. He kicks through the chair in the corner though, making Benoit dragon screw him and the Sharpshooter gets the tap.

Rating: C. This was better than I would have expected, but then again it’s Benoit against a big monster. That’s probably what he’s second best at and it worked well here. A-Train wouldn’t mean anything after this and after Benoit took everything he had, I can’t say I disagree with that. Decent match but I’m not sure it belonged on PPV.

A-Train would head to Japan in 2005 and call himself Giant Bernard. We’ll pick things up in NJPW on May 3, 2006.

IWGP World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Giant Bernard

Brock is defending and is wearing red for some reason. Bernard powers him into the corner but gets caught in a headlock for his efforts. They stare each other down and Bernard takes Brock’s head off with a clothesline. Another one puts the champion on the floor but he sends Bernard face first into the post. Back in and Brock stomps away but Bernard takes him down and drives in forearms to the head.

Lesnar works on a Fujiwara Armbar before muscling him over in a belly to belly. Brock follows him to the floor but gets knocked off the apron coming back in. Back in and Brock puts on the armbar again before driving pounding with forearms in the corner. Bernard comes back with some shoulders to the ribs and a Baldo Bomb for two. A big boot drops Lesnar again and a Vader Bomb gets two. The F5 is countered and Bernard nails a German suplex for two. Brock is all like, THIS IS HOW YOU DO A GERMAN and even plants Bernard with a DDT. They slug it out and Lesnar muscles him up for the F5 to retain.

Rating: C. Nice power brawl here but Bernard wasn’t much better than he was over in America. This was an awkward period for Lesnar as he didn’t look as dominant as he did in WWE and wasn’t the superstar he would become later. He looked decent but it didn’t have anywhere near the fire that he was known for.

Here’s another big Japan match from February 15, 2009.

Giant Bernard vs. Kurt Angle

Bernard throws him down to start so Angle tries right hands to the jaw. That earns him another shove to the floor so Angle can have a breather. Back in and he kicks at Bernard’s knee but gets throw right back across the ring. Bernard chokes a lot and Bernard’s partner Tomko trips Angle up. Someone that looks like Karl Anderson chases Tomko off and they head back out to the floor so Angle can be sent into the barricade.

Back in and a delayed vertical suplex gets two for Bernard and we hit the choking again. Angle gets thrown to the mat one more time and a splash gets two. Bernard hooks a bodyscissors on Angle before choking even more. Kurt rolls to the apron and gets suplexed back in. We hit the bearhug for a bit before Bernard’s Vader Bomb hits knees. Angle rolls some Germans but walks into the Baldo Bomb for two.

Bernard kicks out of the ankle lock but gets caught in the Angle Slam for two. Angle misses the moonsault and another Baldo Bomb gets two. Back to the ankle lock but Chono and Anderson get in a fight on the floor for a distraction. Anderson comes in but accidentally kicks Bernard, allowing the Angle Slam and ankle lock to make Bernard tap.

Rating: C. This was basically a Bernard squash until the last few minutes. Angle was doing all his old favorites here and it was already getting old at this point. Bernard still doesn’t feel like anything interesting and more like the same guy he was in America but having longer matches. Not bad here but nothing great.

We’ll jump ahead a few years to another big match for Bernard, though this time as part of a tag team. From Wrestle Kingdom V on January 4, 2011.

IWGP Tag Titles: Beer Money vs. Bad Intentions vs. Muscle Orchestra

You know Beer Money. Muscle Orchestra is a pair of very big guys with big muscles, and Bad Intentions are the champions and are comprised of Karl Anderson, a member of the Anderson family allegedly, and Giant Bernard, more commonly known as Albert/A-Train. JB does the intros here. The Muscle Orchestra is Strong Man (why give him a fancy name I guess?) and Manabu Nakanishi. Strong Man is American so this one is easy.

Bad Intentions have guns with them. Well that’s certainly different. Both are Americans also. Beer Money jumps them as they get into the ring and the brawl is on early. Champions vs. Muscle Orchestra now as there are a lot of F Bombs being audibly dropped. Beer Money back in as the champions are down. Storm gets a Codebreaker to Strong Man and then an assisted plancha to the same guy.

Anderson gets a big tope con hilo to take out Storm and the other muscle guy. Bernard (called A-Train to help my memory) teases a dive but Nakanishi gets a press slam out of the corner on him. That was very impressive. I have no idea what the tagging rules are here. Both of Beer Money is in there at the same time and it seems to be ok. Storm chokes Anderson with the wrist tape to take over and be heel here.

Total dominance by the TNA guys here. Double suplex gets no cover and it’s time for BEER MONEY! In an awesome moment, A-Train gets up, shouts (and remember his big voice) a very bad word and kills them with a double clothesline. A big boot to Roode would work much better if it clearly didn’t miss by almost a foot. A splash to Storm gets two.

Train is killing it in there. He’s beating up Beer Money on his own. Double teaming takes him down though and Anderson has to make the save. Out of nowhere Nakanishi takes down Roode with a top rope dropkick. Strongmen vs. Beer Money now. The muscleheads seem to be the fan favorites here. The Muscle Orchestra (awesome name) gets matching Torture Racks on the champions.

German by the Japanese guys gets two as Storm saves. DWI on said Japanese guys gets two as Anderson saves. Another very bad word results in Train getting a double splash in the corner. Double team DDT by Beer Money takes down Anderson for two. It’s beer bottle time but Anderson ducks. Anderson gets a move that we completely don’t see but apparently he uses a Diamond Cutter at times so we’ll say it was that, to pin Roode to retain.

Rating: C. Another fun match, but we need to get to some meat here. The lack of tagging hurt it here as this was completely insane the entire time. It’s a fun match, but at times you want something more than two guys double teaming and then a save for 9 minutes. Still though, decent stuff but too much of an insane match for my taste.

It was back to WWE soon after this as Tensai, a guy who used to wrestle in Japan. He was off to a hot start though, including this match on Raw, April 16, 2012.

John Cena vs. ???

It’s Lord Tensai and this is Extreme Rules. Cena grabs a quick suplex but Tensai beats him up. Cena’s shorts look a little shorter here. A corner splash puts Cena on the floor and Tensai puts him into the steps. A powerbomb on the floor is countered and Cena gets the steps. Tensai’s dude drills Cena with kicks and Otunga throws him back in. Butterfly suplex gets two.

Tensai hooks a nerve hold but Cena fights back. Cena hits his usual stuff but when he loads up the Shuffle, Tensai pops up and chops Cena down. Backsplash gets two. Tensai drops a leg on the arm and puts on a Fujiwara Armbar. Sweet goodness there’s some crank on that thing. Cena rolls through into a crossface (called the STF by Cole) and Otunga runs in. There’s an AA for him but Cena walks into green mist and a Baldo Bomb for the pin at 7:00.

Rating: D+. At the end of the day, he’s Albert in red trunks. That doesn’t make him interesting or anything like that. It makes him slow and not someone that I want to watch. I don’t see the logic in having Cena lose AGAIN before a major showdown with Brock, but to be fair he can lose a few matches and not lose any credibility.

And this one on May 7, 2012.

CM Punk vs. Lord Tensai/Daniel Bryan

No entrances for the heels to save some time. Tensai starts off and uses the power to put Punk down. Off to Bryan who gets a reaction from the crowd. He fires off the kicks to the chest and shouts YES on each one. Punk escapes a suplex and rolls him up for two. They cross body each other and both guys are down. Tensai comes in for more power and they head to the floor with Punk’s back going into the post.

Back in now and it’s time for a Japanese nerve hold. Backsplash gets two and it’s off to Bryan but the Swan Dive misses. Bryan reaches for a tag but gets caught in a slingshot. Punk makes what I guess you can call a comeback with a neckbreaker. The knee and bulldog combination actually works and it’s GTS time. Bryan escapes and tags in Tensai who clotheslines Punk’s head off very slowly. GTS to Tensai is countered but Punk manages the high kick. Tensai’s dude gets up for a distraction and Bryan crotches Punk. The chokebomb is totally messed up and the Mist Claw with the legsweep gets the pin at 6:54.

Rating: C. Tensai is boring and that’s all there is to it. The guy just isn’t an interesting wrestler and no matter how Japanese they make him it’s not going to happen. He’s big and slow with a bad finisher in the claw. Use the chokebomb (if you can do it right) and be a monster like you look like. Punk vs. Bryan is going to be good.

That would be about it for Tensai meaning anything so we’ll pick stuff up on Raw, April 22, 2013.

Tensai vs. Cody Rhodes

Tensai throws Cody around to start and drops him with a right hand to the face. A delayed double underhook suplex gets two for Tensai but Cody comes back with a neckbreaker and a front facelock. The Disaster Kick gets two and it’s back to the front facelock for a bit. Tensai fights back and pounds away before hitting the rolling cannonball attack in the corner. Sandow gets on the apron for a distraction but gets crushed by Brodus. A Baldo Bomb puts Cody down and the running backsplash gets the pin at 3:34.

Rating: D. This just kept going and going with nothing interesting at all. Again, the feud was over weeks ago but it’s an England show tonight so we need to backtrack by about a month to make sure we don’t have anything new going on. The match was bad on top of the story being old.

One more match with Tensai fighting a dancer. From Smackdown, December 21, 2013.

Brodus Clay vs. Tensai

Tensai takes him into the corner and drives shoulders into Brodus’ ample gut. A clothesline drops Clay but he avoids the backsplash. Clay hits a pair of splashes in the corner and a running splash gets two. Another splash gets no cover and Brodus does the dinosaur claws dance. Cue the Funkadactyls with Xavier Woods for the distraction and, say it with me, Tensai rolls Brodus up for the pin at 1:45. I have no idea how this is supposed to help either guy but I’m sure it will be explained to me later.

Overall Albert is a talented guy but he really isn’t anything more than a good enforcer. I had a feeling that all this hype about him being great in Japan wasn’t going to hold up and that’s exactly what happened. He’s fine as the power half of a tag team and that’s been where he’s had his greatest success. Other than that he’s just a big, slow power guy with a good look. He certainly isn’t bad or anything like that but there’s nothing that makes me want to see more of him.

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I’m listening to the sweet Wyatt Family theme (Broken Out in Love) and started to think.Bray Wyatt and his Family are coming to Raw.  As most of you likely know, Wyatt used to be on the main roster as Husky Harris.  Bray Wyatt is a completely new gimmick for him, which is something that is becoming more frequent lately.  This means that fans are likely going to chant Husky Harris at him, which will get annoying in a hurry.  Why do fans insist on doing this?  They did it to Tensai by chanting Albert and I’m sure they’ve done it before then.  It’s no secret that he’s a different guy and it’s not like no one has ever been repackaged before.  Why do fans insist on reminding everyone else that they recognize someone?  It doesn’t work that way in movies or on TV, so why do we constantly have to be reminded of someone’s past identity in wrestling?