Wrestlemania XXIX
Date: April 7, 2013
Location: MetLife Stadium, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Attendance: 80,676
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

We have arrived at the biggest night of the year. The main events is John Cena vs. The Rock II for the WWE Championship. If that isn’t enough for you to get into this, we also have Brock vs. HHH II, Undertaker vs. Punk and Del Rio vs. Swagger for the Smackdown Title. The show looks great, the matches look good, the WWE is going home, and it’s Wrestlemania. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Intercontinental Title: The Miz vs. Wade Barrett

Miz is challenging. This match was set up because both guys had movies out at the same time but that has since been dropped. Miz beat Barrett on Raw a few weeks ago as well. Miz escapes a belly to back suplex to start and gets two off a quick sunset flip. Barrett gets in a kick in the corner to take over but Miz blocks the kick in the ropes. The Reality Check gets two for Miz before the Wasteland and Skull Crushing Finale are both countered.

Winds of Change get two for Barrett but the Bull Hammer misses. Miz takes the legs out and puts on the Figure Four but Barrett gets a rope. Wasteland hits this time for two and Wade is frustrated. In a unique counter, Miz trips up Barrett and puts on the Figure Four from the mat for the submission and the title at 4:10.

Rating: D+. What do you want here?  It’s a four minute match and not a very good one at that.  At the end of the day, Miz isn’t anything special, the match was nothing special, Barrett hasn’t meant anything of note in forever, the title means nothing, and the match was four minutes long.  How in the world are they supposed to get anything of note going?  The answer is they aren’t, because that’s what a pre-show match is for.

The opening video is about Hurricane Sandy and is narrated by New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, who talks about New Jersey rising up due to its great spirit.

The National Guard waves a bunch of American flags.

The real opening video talks about growing up and making an impact on the grandest stage of them all. It’s your standard video about making a Wrestlemania moment, but well done.

Much like previous years, there’s a big canopy setup, but this year there’s a Statue of Liberty over the ring.

Shield vs. Sheamus/Big Show/Randy Orton

Surprising choice for an opener. Thankfully Shield doesn’t come down from the upper deck of the arena. Sheamus and Reigns get us going and the pale one pounds away from one corner to the other. This is already longer than Sheamus’ match from last year. A forearm puts Reigns down as does a hard clothesline for two. Off to Orton for the knee drop and some stomping. We get Cole’s first error of the night as he says Orton won the WWE Championship at Wrestlemania 24 (he retained).

Reigns gets in some shots to the head and it’s off to Rollins. That goes badly as well for Shield as he gets pounded in the corner and suplexed down. Back to Sheamus but Seth gets in a dropkick to the knee to take him down. Ambrose gets the tag and it’s time for some evil double teaming. Sheamus will have none of that though and powerslam Ambrose down for two. Orton is ready for a tag but Show tags himself in instead. He rips Ambrose’s vest open for the LOUD chop and Dean wants another one. Instead he gets about five in a row and a splash in the corner.

Dean actually comes back and dropkicks the knee out to bring in Rollins. A top rope kick gets two on Show and it’s off to Reigns for some hard shots to Show’s back. Ambrose is back in now, sans all of his vest and shirt. Back to Rollins as Shield is tagging in and out very fast. A running kick to the face gets two for Rollins and it’s back to Roman for the chinlock. Big Show fights up with a belly to back suplex but Rollins takes out Orton to break up the tag. That’s fine with Show though as he brings in Sheamus instead for some fast and hard hitting knees to the chest.

Rollins gets his own vest split open and there are the ten forearms to the chest. Ambrose tags himself in from the apron and there are ten forearms for him as well. The Regal Roll puts Dean down and Sheamus hits one on Rollins as well, this one on top of Ambrose. Reigns breaks up something from Sheamus off the top and everything breaks down. Rollins dives through the ropes at Orton and slams his own head into the barricade. Sheamus is triple teamed in the ring but as Shield loads up the TripleBomb, Show spears them all down for the save.

Ambrose is the only one still in the ring for Shield as Sheamus is crawling to the corner. He reaches for Big Show but Orton tags himself in instead. The powerslam sets up the Elevated DDT and Big Show is ticked off. Orton loads up the RKO on Ambrose but Rollins springboards into the RKO instead. Reigns spears Orton down as Big Show watches from the apron for the pin at 10:34.

Rating: B-. Not as good as I was hoping for here but it was still a good match and a fine opener. This was more about the trio instead of the Shield, which is ok I guess but I’m hoping Shield gets to have their moment later on. The good thing here though is that Reigns got a 100% clean pin on Orton. It wasn’t Shield picking the bones. It was a spear and a pin. That’s a big help for the team and a good sign for them.

Big Show knocks out both of his partners post match.

Video on Rock vs. Cena.

Snooki is here.

Ryback vs. Mark Henry

They stare each other down before colliding. No one goes anywhere so they do it again to the same result. They slug it out with Ryback taking over. Some clotheslines stagger Henry a bit but Henry runs Ryback over with a single clothesline of his own. A powerslam gets one for Mark but Ryback fights back with some right hands. A suplex is blocked by Henry and he puts Ryback on the apron with ease. Henry sends him into the post and clotheslines him out to the floor for good measure.

Back in and Henry pounds away on the back even more to take away the power game from Ryback. We hit an old school bearhug for a bit before Henry throws him to the floor again. Ryback gets back in at nine and it’s back to the bearhug. The bald one finally fights out of it and hits some shoulders to the ribs in the corner and there’s the Meat Hook. Ryback loads up the Shell Shock but Henry grabs the top rope and falls onto Ryback’s back for the pin at 8:06.

Rating: D. What in the world was that? Henry DESTROYED Ryback here and beat him almost clean in eight minutes. I don’t think there was an injury or anything, but why in the world would you have Ryback lose here? This keeps his long losing streak going for what, eight months now? I don’t get this one at all.

Post match Ryback hits the spinebuster and Shell Shock on Henry. So why did we have the match end that way???

The announcers play with toys and announce a partnership with the Special Olympics.

Some Special Olympians are here with Stephanie McMahon and Governor Christie.

Tag Titles: Big E. Langston/Dolph Ziggler vs. HELL NO

HELL NO is defending. This was set up by Ziggler beating Kane and Bryan in singles matches and wanting a title match as a result. This is also Langston’s debut. We get a funny bit to start with Ziggler kissing AJ to taunt Bryan and getting kicked in the head for a VERY close two ala last year. Ziggler bails to the floor and gets caught with a suicide dive. Back in and Bryan fires off the hard kicks to the chest but the big one to the head misses.

Ziggler dives off to tag in Langston and he gets Kane. Big E. easily catches a charging Kane and hits three straight backbreakers to take over. Kane gets a boot up in the corner to stop a charging Langston but the chokeslam is easily broken up. Langston runs over Kane and it’s back to Ziggler for some quick choking. Langston comes in again for more shots to Kane’s chest and ribs. He lowers his head though and there’s a DDT from Kane to put Langston down.

Back to Dolph who breaks up a tag to Bryan, only to miss a splash in the corner. Kane’s side slam gets two but the top rope clothesline misses. The Fameasser kind of misses but Bryan comes in for the save anyway. Ziggler jumps into an uppercut from Kane but Langston splashes Kane for the save at two. The Big Ending is broken up and Kane sends Big E. to the floor for the knee from Bryan. The Zig Zag gets two on Kane and Dolph is frustrated. AJ slides in the briefcase but Kane ducks Ziggler’s swing. The chokeslam connects and Kane takes out Langston. The Swan Dive from Bryan retains the titles at 6:30.

Rating: C. My predictions are taking a pounding tonight. I would assume this means Ziggler cashes in tonight, because we should totally buy him as world champion after he loses to Bryan here right? The match was fine, but at this point there’s no need to see HELL NO with the belts anymore. It’s just dull at this point and they stopped being funny a long time ago.

John Cena talks about Make-A-Wish.

Fandango vs. Chris Jericho

Fandango has a troop of dancing girls this time. This is set up because Jericho can’t pronounce Fandango’s name properly. This is also Fandango’s debut. Fandango dances to start and is taken down by Jericho very quickly. The dancer heads to the floor but as soon as he heads back in, Jericho takes him down and pounds away even more. Fandango jumps over Jericho in the corner but walks into a Codebreaker to send him to the floor. A baseball slide sends Fandango to the floor and Jericho hits a big plancha to take him down.

Back in and Jericho wipes the dust off his hands but as he loads up the springboard dropkick, Fandango blasts him in the face with a hard kick. Off to a chinlock as JBL goes off on Fandango for posing too much. Chris fights up pretty quickly and speeds things up before hitting a top rope ax handle. A Thesz Press puts Fandango down as does an enziguri for two. A top rope cross body gets two for Jericho but he gets sent shoulder first into the post to stop his momentum again.

A Downward Spiral puts Jericho down and the guillotine legdrop hits….for two. The Walls are countered and Fandango clotheslines Jericho down. Another guillotine legdrop is broken up but so is Jericho’s superplex bid. The third legdrop attempt misses but the Lionsault misses as well. Jericho tries the Walls but looks to have tweaked his knee. Fandango gets a sloppy small package for the pin at 9:16.

Rating: D. This was REALLY sloppy at the end and it appeared to be botched. Fandango did nothing to impress me here as he only seems to have one big move in the legdrop and that was tried three times in less than ten minutes. That ending looked awkward though so I’m guessing something went wrong.

We look at Miz winning the Intercontinental Title on the pre-show.

Video on Rock being back and various cities his fans come from.

We get a highlight package of Mania moments set to Rocky music on the big screens with all the other lights off. The lights come back up to reveal….Diddy, for the annual music medley.

We recap Swagger vs. Del Rio. Swagger and his manager Zeb Colter don’t like people coming into their country and taking jobs from “people that look like them”. The world champion, Alberto Del Rio, is one of these people. Swagger won the Elimination Chamber match and earned this shot. To make it personal, Swagger broke Alberto’s friend Ricardo Rodriguez’s ankle. The idea is that Del Rio is the kind of immigrant that America was built on, but the fans aren’t really buying him in this role for the most part.

Smackdown World Title: Alberto Del Rio vs. Jack Swagger

Swagger’s entrance is cut off as he and Colter are in the ring after the video package. Colter goes on his usual rant about how awful New York is because of all the non-English languages being spoken. Apparently those foreigners are plotting something. Swagger pounds away to start but Del Rio sends him to the floor for a baseball slide. Alberto pounds on Jack on the floor for a bit before heading inside again. Colter starts distracting the champion immediately and Jack takes over.

A hard clothesline gets two for Swagger and it’s off to an armbar, which Del Rio rolls up for two. Swagger comes back with the Vader Bomb for two but as he tries to wrap the champion’s legs around the post, Alberto pulls Jack’s shoulder into the post. Back in and Swagger charges into a boot to the face and there are some clotheslines from the champion. Both Swagger and Colter get kicked in the face with the actual wrestler getting covered for two as a result.

The armbreaker is countered and Swagger hits a high belly to belly suplex for two. Jack goes after the leg but the Patriot Lock is quickly broken up. The Vader Bomb is broken up as well and Del Rio hits the ten forearms to the back followed by the Backstabber for two. The champion hits a hard German suplex for two but the armbreaker is countered into the gutwrench powerbomb for two.

There’s another Patriot Lock but as Swagger tries the grapevine, Del Rio slides over into the armbreaker in a sweet counter. Jack powers out of that into the Patriot Lock again but Alberto makes the rope. Another gutwrench powerbomb is countered and Del Rio fires off a kick to the head, only to hurt his ankle even more.

The corner enziguri hits Swagger but Colter puts the foot on the ropes at two. Ricardo goes after Zeb but gets kicked in the ankle. Del Rio and Colter both have a crutch but the distraction lets Swagger deck Alberto. They head back in and there’s the cross armbreaker out of nowhere for the tap out at 10:37. It was as sudden as it sounds.

Rating: C+. That ending came out of nowhere and cut short what was looking to be a good match. Thankfully they kept this a mat based match which is where both of these guys shine. The counters were pretty sweet out there and both guys looked good, but at the end of the day that ending stopped this dead in its tracks, which is a shame.

The National Guard is here.

We recap Punk vs. Undertaker, which is built around the idea of Punk disrespecting the memory of the recently dead Paul Bearer. Punk wants to be the 1 in 20-1, meaning he wants to break the Streak. He stole the urn as well, because that hasn’t been done in about ten years or so.

Undertaker vs. CM Punk

Living Colour plays Punk to the ring live. Heyman and Punk throw the urn around before the match. Punk slaps Taker in the corner to try to tick him off before pounding away back inside. Undertaker launches Punk into the corner but Punk slaps him again. The chokeslam is blocked by a high kick but Taker kicks him in the face to counter. We head to the floor and Taker keeps pounding away before loading up the announce table.

Punk is rammed spine first into the post and there’s the apron legdrop for good measure. Back inside and Taker gets some more open shots in the corner. Old School is broken up and Punk stomps away in the corner. In a solidly evil move, Punk hits Old School of his own followed by a Russian legsweep for two. Off to a kind of keylock by Punk which is easily broken up. Taker slugs him down but misses a running big boot into the corner.

A baseball slide puts Taker on the floor and there’s a Macho ax handle to keep the Dead Man down. Back in and Punk works on the shoulder with some Scott Hall driving shoulder blocks. Taker fires off some right hands but gets caught in a swinging neckbreaker for two. Heyman shouts that Punk is getting closer and it’s off to a chinlock. A suplex eventually gets Taker out of trouble but Punk tries Old School again. That’s just asking for trouble though and Punk crotches himself on the top rope. Heyman: “WHAT HAPPENED?”

Taker loads up the Dive but Heyman makes the save. Instead of a chokeslam to Heyman though, it’s a springboard clothesline by Punk for two. The running knee in the corner connects and there’s the Macho Elbow for two more. Punk draws power from the urn and calls for Go to Sleep but Taker counters into the chokeslam for two. Back up and Undertaker wins a quick slugfest before pounding Punk down into the corner. Snake Eyes connects but Punk leg lariats him down for two.

A clothesline sends Taker to the floor and now Punk finishes loading up the announce table. Taker tries a Last Ride through the table but Punk escapes and high kicks Taker onto the table instead. The Macho Elbow…..doesn’t put Undertaker through the table as Punk just kind of stops moving once he hits Undertaker. Both guys are down and Punk is holding his knee back in the ring. The referee gets to nine but Taker dives back in just in time.

Back in and Taker tries Hell’s Gate but can’t get it all the way in. Punk tries to flip over but only gets two as a result. There’s the Anaconda Vice (no mention of Punk beating Taker in a submission match back in 2009) and Taker sits up. He glares at Punk while still in the hold and slips his hand underneath, but the chokeslam is countered into a bad GTS. Taker doesn’t even go off his feet and picks Punk up for the Tombstone for two.

They slug it out again and Taker loads up the chokeslam, only to have Punk shove the referee down. Punk’s knee is giving out but he hits the running knee in the corner only to be countered into the Last Ride. Heyman throws in the urn to blast Taker in the head ala HHH and the sledgehammer in 2001. Naturally it only gets two because Undertaker doesn’t lose at Wrestlemania. Taker escapes the GTS twice and the second Tombstone makes it 21-0 at 22:23.

Rating: B. It was good but I never once bought the Streak as being in jeopardy. It wasn’t going to end in a countout, it wasn’t going to end off a GTS, it wasn’t going to end with the same spot that HHH did better 12 years ago. It’s a good match but it’s a step down from the last four years. To be fair though, did anyone really think it was ending here? I’m not sure why you would. It’s Undertaker at Wrestlemania for crying out loud. The match was entertaining though and Punk’s visuals were great throughout, as was him hitting Old School. Good but definitely not great match here.

Undertaker reclaims the urn and looks like he’s about to cry.

WWE has donated a lot of Slim Jims to the military.

Video on Cena being focused for the main event.

We recap HHH vs. Brock Lesnar using the same video we’ve seen about five times now. HHH didn’t have a reason to get back into the ring until Lesnar hurt Vince. It’s No Holds Barred with HHH’s career on the line.

Brock Lesnar vs. HHH

Shawn Michaels is in HHH’s corner. Lesnar is in the MMA gear which makes him look even scarier than usual. They slug it out to start with HHH firing off a bunch of right hands to the ribs. Lesnar knees the Game in the ribs and out to the floor we go. Brock is sent into the barricade and the announce table but Brock sends him into the apron to take over. They head into the crowd but HHH immediately clotheslines Lesnar back to ringside.

Brock blasts him in the head and picks up a chair as we head back inside. The jumping knee to the face puts Brock back down and Heyman steals the chair away before HHH can use it. They head back to the floor and Lesnar hits a belly to belly suplex to send HHH onto the floor. A release vertical suplex puts HHH through the table and Brock screams at HHH’s body. There’s another belly to belly suplex onto the remnants of the table and Brock gives us another evil grin.

Shawn tries to check on Brock and is sent running away. Back inside and Brock pounds away into the corner and shrugs off a facebuster before clotheslining HHH down for two. Another belly to belly gets another two as Shawn plays cheerleader. A pair of German suplexes get three two counts and Brock shouts a lot. HHH fires back some right hands but gets whipped over the corner and back out to the floor.

HHH’s arm is hanging there at the moment but he comes back with a clothesline and a right hand. Another clothesline puts Lesnar into the timekeeper’s area. A chair shot staggers Brock but we head back inside for a bridging German for two. Brock decks Shawn off the apron but walks into a spinebuster. The Pedigree is countered but so is the F5. Shawn comes in to try a superkick but gets caught in the F5 instead.

A bad looking Pedigree gets two on Brock and it’s sledgehammer time. Brock puts HHH up in mid swing and hits the F5 for two. We head to the floor and Brock cracks a chair over the Game’s back before sending him into the steps. The same steps go upside HHH’s head and Brock sends the other set into the ring. Back inside and Brock hits him in the arm with the steps for two more. Another shot with the steps gets another two but HHH comes back with some right hands. The Pedigree is countered into the Kimura arm lock but the ropes do nothing here.

Triple H breaks the hold twice by ramming Brock into the corner but Lesnar puts it on again. Brock fires off some knees and puts the hold on while on the middle rope but HHH picks him up and slams him down in a spinebuster. Brock misses a charge into the post and there’s a low blow for good measure. HHH wraps Brock’s arm around the post and Brock sounds like he in labor. A chair shot crushes the arm against the post and HHH does the same against the steps for good measure.

HHH throws on a Kimura of his own and Brock screams for Heyman, only to have Shawn superkick Heyman down. Brock holds off from tapping and lifts HHH into the air before slamming him down onto the steps. HHH throws the hold right back on and Brock slams him down onto the steps again to break the hold a second time. Here’s a third Kimura by HHH and Brock lifts him up, only to be DDTed onto the steps. It’s sledgehammer time again and a shot to Brock’s head sets up a Pedigree onto the steps for the pin at 24:00.

Rating: B+. This started slow but the ending was much better. I was actually thinking Brock would tap at the end and they had me not sure of who was going to win until the end. I’ll have a lot more to say about HHH spending eleven months with Brock Lesnar and then beating him in the blowoff match at Wrestlemania, but for now this was a good, hard hitting, entertaining match.

We get the Hall of Fame video from last night.

The Class of 2013 is presented to the arena: Mick Foley, Booker T, Trish Stratus, Bob Backlund, Donald Trump (booed) and Bruno Sammartino (gets a trumpet entrance). Foley got the loudest ovation it seemed.

The attendance record is 80,676.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. The Rock

No entrance video, no musical performance, no special Mania entrance, nothing. Cena just walks out and kind of struts down the ramp at first. Apparently the eight person tag was cut from the show. I didn’t think they could fit all of that into the amount of time they had left. We get Big Match Intros and we’re ready to go. The crowd is exactly as you would expect it to be. Rock is champion and the huge crowd favorite if that wasn’t clear.

A quick shoulder block gets no one anywhere so we stare each other down a bit more. Rock grabs a headlock which does nothing of note either. We try it again until they run the ropes a few times followed by a hip toss to send Cena to the floor. Back in and Cena sends Rock into the corner before pounding away a bit. The champion comes back with a clothesline and a kick to the face to put Cena down on the mat.

Rock drives some elbows into Cena’s chest but gets clotheslined down again. The crowd isn’t into this for the most part. Cena hooks a chinlock which transitions into a headlock on the mat. Rock fights up and hooks a sleeper as the fans think this is boring. A suplex puts Rock down and Cena stomps away as he continues to be the heel in the match. Rock fights back with a Samoan drop and they lay around a bit more. Cena’s release fisherman’s suplex gets two.

Rock tries the spit punches but Cena hits the shoulder. A second one misses and the spit punch connects. The spinebuster is countered into an STF attempt but Rock escapes. Cena hits his finishing sequence but the ProtoBomb is countered into the Sharpshooter, and it’s WAY better than the one he used last year. Cena rolls out of that and kicks Rock off so he can hit the ProtoBomb.

The Shuffle misses (I don’t remember that happening before actually, which is hard to believe) and Rock hits a DDT to take Cena down. The Rock Bottom is countered into a bad Crossface but when that gets Cena nowhere, he hits a third ProtoBomb and the Shuffle for no cover. The AA is countered but there’s the spinebuster by Rock. Cena picks the leg to counter the Elbow though and the STF goes on. In an impressive power display, Rock rolls onto his back and breaks Cena’s grip to escape.

Cena charges into the Rock Bottom for two as the fans are barely reacting to these near falls because we’re not even fifteen minutes into this yet. The AA hits for two but the to rope Fameasser misses. Now the People’s Elbow hits but of course it only gets two. The near falls aren’t even close as Cena is kicking out at like two and a quarter instead of two and nine tenths.

After Cena rolls to the floor for a bit they head back inside for the boo/yay slugout. Rock for some reason tries a cross body and it’s ANGRY Cena but he gets countered into a big Rock Bottom. AGAIN Cena kicks out barely after two which takes away a lot of the drama. Rock stops to listen to the people and loads up another Elbow, only to throw in You Can’t See Me. In a nice callback to last year, Cena pops up and hits the AA for two.

Back up and they slug it out again and Cena hits a Rock Bottom of his own for two. NOW the fans are getting into this. Cena has no idea what to do now but as he loads up the Shuffle, he stops and sets up the Elbow. This is what cost him last year but he holds the ropes when Rock nips up, only to have the AA countered into a Rock Bottom for another two. This is starting to pick up a lot.

The AA is countered, the Rock Bottom is countered, the AA is countered again, the Rock Bottom is countered again, the AA is countered again, Rock hits a DDT. The champion tries about the nineteenth Rock Bottom of the match but gets countered into the Attitude Adjustment to give Cena his 14^th world title at 24:00. Yeah seriously, that’s it.

Rating: C+. This started off REAL slow but picked up after about twenty minutes. The problem is it stopped as soon as they started to get going. This fell into the classic trap of trying to have an epic match and collapsing under the weight. The problem at the end of the day is we’ve seen this done better before, so what’s the appeal here? Not much to see here and it was freaking boring at times.

They say something we can hear to each other and shake hands….and Rock walks out to his own music to end the show.  Oh wait they salute each other and pose to really end it.

Overall Rating: B-. This falls into that awkward “Good but not memorable” category. The big matches were all good but nothing on here was what I would call a masterpiece. Rock vs. Cena was good but we saw a better and bigger match last year between the two. The crowd didn’t help things, which ranges from either the cold or reports of REALLY obstructed views for a lot of them.

The biggest problem here is there was never that moment that you remember from each show until the end. Yeah that helps a lot, but it doesn’t help when we’ve seen Cena win the title what, twelve times before? It also doesn’t help that the moment comes after FIVE HOURS of WWE tonight.

Results

Shield b. Big Show/Randy Orton/Sheamus – Spear to Orton

Mark Henry b. Ryback – Henry fell on Ryback’s back

HELL NO b. Dolph Ziggler/Big E. Langston – Swan Dive to Ziggler

Fandango b. Chris Jericho – Small Package

Alberto Del Rio b. Jack Swagger – Cross Armbreaker

Undertaker b. CM Punk – Tombstone

HHH b. Brock Lesnar – Pedigree on the steps

John Cena b. The Rock – Attitude Adjustment

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon at:

After the recap played, he was already in the ring.  AT WRESTLEMANIA!  I know they don’t care about this, but he got a jobber entrance in a world title match AT WRESTLEMANIA.  That’s HILARIOUS.

Yeah this match is happening too.This is such a dull feud after a very hot start.  There are multiple problems at the end of the day with the match, but the worst of all is fans aren’t getting behind Del Rio.  A lot of the fans agree with what Swagger and Colter are saying and that’s not a good sign when you’re looking for a new top face draw in Alberto.  This brings us to another problem: all the heat is on Colter.  Swagger basically just stands around and says WE THE PEOPLE before getting into the ring for the same matches he’s been having for months.  The real issue here seems to be between the managers instead of between the wrestlers in the match and that’s not a good sign.

Speaking of Swagger’s matches, they’re a big problem as well.  Swagger is still having the same matches that he’s been having for years now which while ok, don’t scream world champion at me.  The Patriot Lock is good enough, but as a rule you don’t see top faces tap in big matches.  Thankfully Jack has the gutwrench bomb to get a pin with as well as various cheating tactics.  That doesn’t mean the match is going to be good, but at least it could work better than other things they might try.

Another problem is this “feud” and character have only been around for a few months.  Swagger wasn’t ready to make the jump up from where he was when he came back to a world title match at Wrestlemania.  This is reminiscent of JBL back in 2004 as he went from an old character to a brand new one to a world title match in just a few months.  That isn’t a good idea as there are no roots for this new character.  We haven’t seen him do anything other than hound Del Rio, so it’s hard to get into this revenge feud.  Swagger hasn’t done enough to earn vengeance yet.

The last problem with this is also because of the build.  As I mentioned, the problem has really been between the managers.  The broken ankle helped things, but the money move in this feud was to have Colter get Ricardo deported so Rodriguez could return at Wrestlemania and destroy Colter for good.  The ankle….eh it happened and was a good moment but they haven’t really done anything with it since.  I’m sure the managers will get into it on the floor during the match as well.

As for the match…..I think Swagger takes it.  Yeah he’s got the DUI hanging over him, but I’m thinking WWE rolls the dice on him anyway.  The other factor is that on top of the card, there’s no other heel that looks likely to win.  Swagger is the only heel who you could put over to keep every good guy from winning which never happens.  The feud will of course continue at Extreme Rules, and hopefully Jack isn’t nearly as dull as champion as he was a few years back.

So if you listen to Glenn Beck, may God have mercy on your soul.

Now that we have that out of the way, we’ll get on to stuff that is actually news.Anyway, apparently Beck said that wrestling fans are stupid or something like that.  This may or may not have been due to the Colter/Swagger story but every time I tried to look it up my head started hurting because I was reading too much Beck nonsense.  Either way, this video popped up on WWE’s Youtube channel.  Watch the whole thing.

While I usually hate seeing kayfabe’s corpse beaten up even further and while I always loathe Glenn Beck’s nonsense, I couldn’t help but smile at hearing people far smarter than him explain why wrestling is far better entertainment than his latest conspiracy theory about how everyone is out to get your freedom and the only way to save yourself is to buy both his latest book and whatever product is sponsoring him this week.

Anyway, any thoughts on this?

Smackdown
Date: February 8, 2013
Location: Jacksonville Memorial Coliseum, Jacksonville, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, John Bradshaw Layfield

We’re getting close to the Elimination Chamber now with most of the field being filled in. The main story is that Mark Henry returned on Monday and treated Mysterio and Sin Cara like villagers in a badly dubbed Japanese monster movie. Other than that we’ve got the continuing saga of Big Show vs. Del Rio which is continuing despite two straight wins over the giant. Let’s get to it.

We open with the voiceover talking about the Chamber. Apparently Bryan, Orton and Mysterio are locked in already. We also look at the hotel stuff with Del Rio vs. Big Show from Raw on Monday.

Big Show’s bus arrives to start but he’s scared to come out. Show finally gets out and sneaks into the arena.

For the first time in months, we actually get a theme song for Smackdown.

Here’s Big Show to the ring. You know if he’s scared of Del Rio, isn’t it a bad idea to come to a place where everyone can see him? He calls the current situation unacceptable and doesn’t care that the fans are booing him. Show talks about Del Rio acting like a criminal and getting cheered by the fans anyway. Apparently you can do whatever you want when you’re popular. Show talks about signing a contract for a title match so at the PPV, he’s getting the title back Del Rio is suspended tonight, so I’m SURE we won’t see him until Monday.

Show yells about Booker T causing the double standards around here, claiming that Booker is jealous of Show’s money and success and status as an active wrestler. This brings out the GM who talks about how Big Show has gotten everything he wanted but Big Show keeps bullying Ricardo. Big Show demands to know if Booker gave Alberto his hotel information but Booker sidesteps the question. It’s Show vs. Kane tonight.

Kofi Kingston vs. Cody Rhodes

Cody says that he and Sandow have split but another door has opened for him. Rhodes grabs the arm to start but Kofi sends him to the floor. Back in and the mustached one hits a middle rope elbow to Kingston’s back. The second attempt doesn’t work as well though and Kofi speeds things up a bit. The Boom Drop hits at an awkward angle but Trouble in Paradise misses. Kofi immediately comes back with a spinning cross body out of the corner for two. Both finishers are avoiided but Cody hits the Disaster Kick to lay out Kingston. Cross Rhodes finishes this at 3:31.

Rating: C-. As usual, this was hurt by how little time they had. This is what Kofi is good for anymore: making someone look good in defeat. He still has enough credibility to make this work and a loss isn’t going to hurt him at all. It’s good to see Cody making a singles comeback, but not losing on Monday would have helped even more.

We recap the troubles HELL NO has been having lately.

Bryan comes in to see Kane and says he forgives them. Kane doesn’t even have to apologize. Bryan offers to be in Kane’s corner tonight against Big Show so that they can mess with Show’s mind. Also it will help Kane’s image to be seen with someone already in the Elimination Chamber. Kane shushes Bryan with threats of annihilation.

We get a video of Lesnar attacking Vince from last week’s Raw.

We get another video from this past week’s Raw of Heyman denying knowing anything about Lesnar because Vickie brought him back in.

Bruno Sammartino’s HOF video.

Great Khali vs. Titus O’Neal

Josh calls Khali a Hall of Famer, sending JBL into a huge rant about how we follow Bruno Sammartino with this guy. Khali chops him into the corner as Teddy and Booker are watching in the back. Titus pounds Khali down and hits a big boot to the head for two. Off to a front facelock but Khali shrugs it off and the big chop ends Titus at 1:34.

As soon as the bell rings, Mark Henry comes out and sends Titus into the barricade. With him out of the way, Henry goes into the ring and lays out Khali as well with the World’s Strongest Slam.

Post break Henry says the Hall of Pain is now open again. We get a clip of the beatdown of Cara and Rey from Monday which Henry blames on Booker. Henry says Booker put together an elite group of people to be in the Chamber, but there was one mistake: Mark Henry was left out. He wants Booker out here now or else he’ll destroy the entire Smackdown roster. Booker comes out and gives his usual response of “that’s not how we do it on Smackdown.” Henry says if there isn’t room in the Chamber for him, he’ll make room himself. Booker says if Henry can beat Orton tonight, he can be in the Chamber too.

Big Show yells at the guy that takes care of his bus and his steaks for screwing up. Oh and the toilet is clogged up again. Big Show is heading to the ring and Del Rio is lurking behind his bus.

Big Show vs. Kane

We see the Del Rio/Show segment from Raw again during the entrances. Show immediately takes it to the floor and sends Kane into the barricade before we head back inside. The guy with his face showing works on the leg as we take a break. Back with Show hitting the Vader Bomb for two but a second one misses. They slug it out and both guys load up chokeslams but it’s Kane hitting the running DDT to take over. There’s the top rope clothesline but Kane tweaks his knee, allowing for the WMD to end Kane at 3:35 shown of 7:05.

Rating: C. They actually took a break for a match that ran seven minutes? Nothing to see here but they probably had the right idea to keep this short given the history of matches these two have had. You would think they would eventually have a decent match just out of memory with each other but it hasn’t happened yet.

Post match Del Rio pops up on screen with the employee Show yelled at. He tells Big Show to come back and see the changes Del Rio has made. Show comes back and sees the bus up on blocks with the tires taken off. Del Rio covers Show in orange paint for good measure.

Jack Swagger vs. Justin Gabriel

Swagger is apparently the REAL AMERICAN now. Gabriel is sent to the apron to start and Jack takes his head off with a clothesline back inside. There’s a big beal across the ring and the Vader Bomb gets no cover. Justin blocks a charge with two feet in the face and a springboard cross body gets no cover. Jack heads to the floor but manages to break up the Asai moonsault. Back inside and it’s chop block, gutwrench bomb and Patriot Act (ankle lock) for the tap out at 2:37. Just a squash.

Fandango is still coming. Oh joy.

Drew McIntyre vs. Tensai

They’re turning the bald guy face aren’t they. We get a clip from Raw Roulette of Tensai in lingerie breaking into a dance off with Brodus. Drew hits a big boot for two but Tensai comes back with a splash in the corner. There’s the Baldo Bomb but Slater and Mahal run in at 1:09.

Brodus runs out for the save and the band is cleared out. The big men and the Funkadactyls dance a bit. Yep they’re turning him and I can’t say I’m arguing with it. It’s not like he was doing ANYTHING as a heel anymore.

Sin Cara vs. Antonio Cesaro

The stupid mood lighting is back and this is non-title. Cara speeds things up to start but Cesaro avoids a charge in the corner. The power stuff begins and Cara is in trouble early. JBL questions if Cara is actually a Mexican or not. Josh talks about how if Cara was from Bermuda, he would be the most followed man in the country. Good to know. Anyway Cara comes out of the corner with a running sunset flip for two. The champion heads to the floor and Cara hits a suicide dive to take him out. That’s the extent of his offense though as back inside it’s the European uppercut and the Neutralizer for the pin at 2:20.

Orton says Henry has to earn his spot in the Chamber by going through him.

Miz says he’s never been against anything like Lesnar but Cesaro comes in to complain about Miz’s whining. Geez this thing is still going? They brawl and Cesaro gets the better of it until referees break it up.

The Raw ReBound is Shield being chased off.

Randy Orton vs. Mark Henry

If Henry wins, he’s in the Chamber. I don’t think Orton is out for losing. Henry shoves him into the corner but Orton fights out with right hands. Randy gets shoved to the floor and but escapes off Henry’s shoulder before posting Mark. Back in and Orton heads to the top, only to get DRILLED in the head and knocked out to the floor.

That gets two for Mark so he stands on Randy’s chest for awhile. Off to the nerve hold for a bit but Orton starts speeding things up. Mark misses a charge in the corner and Orton knocks him onto the apron. The Elevated DDT looks to set up the RKO but it’s easily blocked. A splash in the corner sets up the World’s Strongest Slam for the pin at 4:35.

Rating: C-. Just like before, there wasn’t time for this to go anywhere. Henry looked decent as the monster continues to be the perfect character for him. Actually keeping this short was probably the right idea because a guy who hasn’t been in the ring in ten months just crushed Randy Orton. That’s certainly a good way to get him over again in the fans’ eyes.

Overall Rating: C+. This is one of those shows where the individual parts don’t tell the whole story of the show. This was about pushing some new guys and reintroducing Henry to the Smackdown roster. The show went by pretty fast and it made for some entertaining TV. That’s a good sign with not a lot of time before the Chamber and then Wrestlemania. Another good although different kind of show tonight.

Results

Cody Rhodes b. Kofi Kingston – Cross Rhodes

Great Khali b. Titus O’Neal – Chop to the head

Big Show b. Kane – WMD

Jack Swagger b. Justin Gabriel – Patriot Act

Tensai b. Drew McIntyre via DQ when 3MB interfered

Antonio Cesaro b. Sin Cara – Neutralizer

Mark Henry b. Randy Orton – World’s Strongest Slam

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my ebook of 1998 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon at:

Smackdown
Date: January 25, 2013
Location: Sleep Train Arena, Sacramento, California
Commentators: Josh Matthews, John Bradshaw Layfield

It’s the final show before the Rumble and most of what we’re getting on Sunday is set in stone. Tonight is likely going to be the final push towards the Rumble which probably means a big brawl at the end of the show with people being thrown over the top rope a lot. Other than that I wouldn’t expect much more other than the weekly tag team main event. Let’s get to it.

Rock is going to be here again tonight to address his attack by the Shield.

Here’s HELL NO to open the show. Before they say anything though we get a recap of the hugging celebration from Raw. JBL: “I even heard a report that a lion was hugging an antelope on the Serengeti.” Kane says the champions have plenty of anger in them still (Bryan: “YES!”) and they’ll prove that on Sunday when they retain the titles (Bryan: “YES!”) and then he’s going to win the Royal Rumble (Bryan: “YE….”).

Kane talks about how many Rumbles he’s been in and his eleven eliminations, but Bryan chops his legs off by saying “Yeah, but you’ve never won the match.” That sums up the argument against Kane for Mr. Royal Rumble in one sentence. Bryan says that he’ll win and an argument breaks out, which draws Big Show to the ring. Show says HELL NO has a 1/30 chance of winning the Rumble while Show has a 100% chance of getting his title back.

Bryan points out that he beat Show for the title last year (it was the year before that) but Show yells him down. He says that he’ll beat both of the champions which makes Kane stand up to the Big Show. This brings out the Rhodes Scholars with Sandow talking about how Kane and Big Show are underestimating others in the Rumble like Goliath underestimated David.

Sandow proposes an alliance with Big Show to take out HELL NO. Cue Del Rio but before the brawling can start, Booker makes a six man tag main event. Oh and it’s elimination rules. Show charges at Del Rio but gets his leg kicked out and the Scholars run, sending Show to the floor as well.

Sheamus vs. Wade Barrett

Why does WWE insist on giving us the same match six or seven times in as many weeks sometimes? They slug it out to start with Sheamus getting two off a clothesline. Wade comes back with a dropkick of all things for the same result and we head to the floor for a bit. As they come back in Sheamus loads up the forearms in the ropes but Wade comes back with a guillotine on the ropes and a big boot to send Sheamus to the floor.

We take a break and come back with Sheamus getting clotheslined to the outside again. As Barrett pounds away on him as he comes back in, Sheamus comes flying back in with the slingshot shoulder. Now the ten forearms hit and a Regal Roll gets two on Wade. The Irish Curse gets two but Barrett blocks White Noise. Sheamus goes up top only to get slammed down to the mat and superkicked down for two. Barrett goes to the middle rope and jumps into Sheamus’ boot but he blocks himself before he connects. Sheamus trips him down though and hits White Noise for no cover. The Brogue Kick finishes clean at 7:48 shown of 11:18.

Rating: C+. The usual hard hitting match here from these two but how many times can we see these two do the same stuff over and over again? Also nice job of having your IC Champion job clean yet again. I know it’s a worthless point anymore but for goodness’ sake can you go a little while between their losses?

Video on Rock being attacked by the Shield on Monday.

Heyman and Punk are here.

Natalya vs. Rosa Mendes

Epico, Primo, Horny and Khali are all on commentary here. Rosa takes Nattie down to the mat with a headscissors as JBL makes short people jokes. A hair pull puts Natalya down again and it’s off to a modified bow and arrow hold. Primo asks if we can focus on the match instead of JBL’s WWE.com show as Rosa gets to the rope to avoid the Sharpshooter. Rosa dances in the ring so Horny dances on the table. The distraction is enough for Natalya to hook the Sharpshooter for the submission at 2:46. I think this was supposed to be funny.

Here are Punk and Heyman with something to say. The champion talks about how everything that’s coming up is just the surface that he’s about to scratch. However, one thing can make 432 days go up in smoke, and that’s…..not The Rock. Actually it’s the Shield that Punk is worried about because of the stipulation that Vince put into place on Raw. Heyman pulls out a letter that states if the Shield interferes, Punk loses the title. Punk talks about how The Shield is a threat to his title reign because he has no control over them.

The champion calls The Shield to the ring and says he’s not leaving until they come to the ring. Cue The Shield who Punk preaches to as usual. He talks about how he’s going to beat Rock on Sunday in the biggest match of his reign. He’s never asked for or needed Shield’s help because he’s the best in the world. The Shield surrounds the ring so Punk picks up the chair he was standing in, causing the trio to back down and head through the crowd.

Punk says that’s how the champ takes care of business and on Sunday you’re going to see him take care of The Rock. On Sunday Punk is going to prove that he’s the best in the world and the greatest of all time. He says it again and here’s Rock to a huge ovation. Rock says that he doesn’t care about the Shield because his boot is going inside Punk on Sunday. There’s clearly an audio edit as Rock says this so maybe he flubbed the line.

On Sunday Rock is going to wrap his arm around Punk’s chest, lift him in the air, and then time will stand still. At that point the thought in Punk’s head won’t be about how he’s the WWE Champion or the best in the world, but only that it’s over. The Rock has promised that he’s going to end Punk’s reign and on Sunday, it’s over, if you smell what The Rock is cooking. This was AWESOME and has me really wanting to see the match for the first time.

Drew McIntyre vs. Randy Orton

Drew pounds him into the corner to start but Orton hits a bit harder to take over. There’s the powerslam followed by the backbreaker, but as Orton loads up the Elevated DDT, Mahal runs in for the DQ at 1:06. He didn’t touch anyone but it’s a DQ anyway. All three 3MB members get RKO’s. Was there really a need to protect Drew McIntyre there?

The Miz vs. Darren Young

Cesaro is on commentary here. Young pounds away to start and gets two off a fast clothesline. We hit the chinlock in about twenty seconds as Cesaro talks about Albert Einstein. Young pounds away in the corner but Miz comes back with left hands in the same corner. There’s the running clothesline as Titus keeps blowing the whistle. Miz gets sick of it and kicks him in the head before hitting the top rope ax handle. The Finale is countered and the Figure Four ends this at 1:54. The Figure Four was at least passable this time but Miz still doesn’t need to be using it.

Rumble By The Numbers. I love this.

30 superstars

1 winner

36 Hall of Famers who have competed in the Rumble

25 main events of Wrestlemania those HOF’ers have competed in

754 losing entrants

39 eliminations by Shawn Michaels, a record

35 eliminations by Kane, good for second place

13 consecutive Rumbles for Kane

11 eliminations by Kane in 2001

201,497lbs that has competed in the Rumble, or over 100 tons or 457 Big Shows

440,004 people that have attended the Rumble

62:12 that Rey Mysterio stayed in the 2006 Rumble, another record

3 wins for Austin, the most ever

2 seconds that Warlord lasted in 1989

1 second that Santino lasted in 2009

2 is the number of wins for both #1 and #30

4 is the number of wins for entrant #27, the most ever

58% of winners that win a world title at Wrestlemania

HELL NO/Alberto Del Rio vs. Big Show/Rhodes Scholars

This is elimination rules ala Survivor Series. Rhodes and Albeto start things off with the champion flipping out of a wristlock and hitting a headscissors out of the corner. A BIG kick to Cody’s head gets two and it’s back to the armbar. Off to Sandow vs. Bryan with the latter firing off a bunch of kicks before it’s off to Kane for a chokeslam to eliminate Sandow at 2:19.

Big Show comes in and is immediately pounded into the corner by Kane. A running DDT gets two and there’s the top rope clothesline followed by a regular clothesline to put both giants on the floor. Kane charges into the knockout punch and is eliminated by countout at 3:40. Big Show counting along with the referee is a nice touch. We take a break and come back with Bryan fighting out of some hold by Cody as Big Show offers encouragement to Rhodes. Didn’t they use to hate each other?

Cody hooks a bow and arrow hold but Bryan escapes pretty quickly. Simultaneous cross bodies put both guys down but Big Show gets the tag before Daniel can make one. Bryan fires off kicks to escape a chokeslam and takes out Big Show’s leg. He goes up top but jumps into a chop before being sent over the top. Bryan skins the cat but walks into the KO punch to send him to floor for another countout (and count from Big Show) at approximately 10:00.

It’s Alberto alone vs. Big Show and the giant knocks him out to the floor for a nine count. Del Rio gets back in but slides back to the floor to get himself a breather. Show throws him back in so Alberto kicks him to the outside for the third countout of the match at approximately 12:00. So it’s down to Cody vs. Del Rio with Rhodes jumping Alberto from behind. Alberto comes back with a bunch of clotheslines and a superkick for two. The corner enziguri is enough for the pin though at 10:02 shown of 13:32.

Rating: C+. The countouts were a nice idea but having three of them was probably too much. It is good to have the guys in the title match square off before the title match though and having Del Rio get a countout win is probably the best thing they could have done. This was a pretty good idea although more of the tag teams interacting would have been nice.

Post match Big Show lays out Alberto and covers him with the announce table just like Alberto did to him. Show counts to ten in both English and Spanish for good measure to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. This show was all about setting up the Rumble and I can’t fault them there. The world title matches were well pushed and we covered the Rumble itself back on Monday. The wrestling here was the weakest part of the show and even that wasn’t all that bad. The show show didn’t add anything new but it did a good job of reenforcing what was already there. Pretty solid but not great show here.

Results

Sheamus b. Wade Barrett – Brogue Kick

Natalya b. Rosa Mendes – Sharpshooter

Randy Orton b. Drew McIntyre via DQ when Jinder Mahal interfered

The Miz b. Darren Young – Figure Four Leg Lock

HELL NO/Alberto Del Rio b. Rhodes Scholars/Big Show – Enziguri to Rhodes

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

This is one of those feuds that people always mention among the best ever, but every time I watch some of the matches from it, I’m blown away all over again by how freaking AWESOME they are. These guys had some of the best chemistry you’ll ever see in wrestling and I don’t recall them ever having a bad match against each other. I don’t really have a point to this other than I love this feud and I felt like talking about it and why it’s awesome. Let’s get to it.

Before we get to the reasons this was awesome, let’s get through the basic story of it. Vader had been around WCW for a year or two but didn’t do much. Then he was paired up with Harley Race and got a world title match against the resident superhero and WCW World Champion Sting. They fought in the Omni in WCW’s home city of Atlanta and in very basic terms, Sting got massacred. Vader beat him from one side of the arena to the other with Sting not getting in much offense at all. The beating became so bad that Vader was disqualified and Sting literally escaped with the title.

They had a rematch a few months later (to sell Sting’s injuries from the match. That’s very important as it made Vader look like even more of a monster) at the Great American Bash and things got interesting. Sting did WAY better this time, hitting Vader with almost everything he had and literally throwing him around the ring (Remember that Vader is roughly 450lbs and a MONSTER) for over fifteen minutes…..and then got powerbombed to death and Vader won the title.

Between July and December, Vader lost the title to Ron Simmons, but both he and Sting were entered into the King of Cable (This wasn’t about cable TV. This was about the ropes being made of cable. WCW was actually confused as to why most people didn’t get this) Tournament. The finals were at Starrcade 1992 and Sting had been talking about a new strategy against Vader. Watching the match, you can see Sting’s basic pattern: when he goes all insane and aggressive, Vader destroys him. When Sting takes his time and makes Vader miss, Sting takes over. Midway through the match, Vader starts beating on Sting again, but Sting tells him to bring it on, resulting in Vader being spent and allowing Sting to FINALLY catch Vader in a powerslam to win the tournament.

At SuperBrawl III there was a strap match where Sting agreed to fight Vader in a match based on power. Sting may be a lot of things, but smart has never been one of them. To the shock of almost no one, Vader completely overpowered Sting and won the match by hogtying Sting and touching all four corners. They then feuded over Vader’s WCW World Title in Europe and traded the title back and forth in a week.

Over the summer and into late 1993, they feuded with each other in a variety of tag matches with various partners. In the spring of 1994, the main event of a PPV was going to be Vader vs. Rick Rude for the WCW International Title, but since Rude had a career ending injury, the title was returned to the former champion Sting (WCW made little sense at times if that wasn’t already clear) but Sting wanted a match to earn the title. The natural opponent to pick: the #1 contender, Vader (Someone has to explain this logic to me. Shouldn’t it have been Vader being handed the title and then him having to earn it?). Anyway the match wasn’t great but it was still one of the best matches of the night.

The final match was actually a threeway involving the Big Boss Man who was eliminated early, leaving Sting vs. Vader. To give you an idea of how good Vader and Sting were, the match (through MORE WCW idiocy) wound up being about who could knock the other off their feet first (Vader won due to cheating), and it was STILL arguably the best match of the night. You could watch these two fight over a game of Chinese checkers and it would be interesting.

Now the interesting question is WHY these matches and the feud were so great. There are a few different reasons here and we’ll start with the most important one: the results weren’t obvious. Look back at the matches in the feud that I listed. A quick count shows that the results are 4-3 in favor of Vader. The key idea to this is that it’s not clear who is going to win. By comparison, John Cena and Chris Jericho have fought on PPV in singles matches or triple threats five times. Cena is undefeated. To the best of my knowledge, Chris Jericho has a total of one televised one on one win against John Cena, which was in their first match when Cena was a rookie.

Having the winner of a match being pretty obvious doesn’t make things interesting. It takes something special to overcome an obvious ending to a match. Look at Undertaker’s Wrestlemania matches for an example where this can work. It took people like HHH and HBK to make those matches interesting, because there was no way someone like Mark Henry was going to end the Streak. That’s the main reason a feud like Vader and Sting worked: it was a legitimate rivalry instead of Sting beating Vader every time, giving you an uncertainty of who is going to win. Think of it like this: it’s rare that a movie or book is as good if you’ve heard the ending, because the payoff isn’t there.

A second reason these matches worked is the formula. It’s a classic story of a hero against a monster. Sting was the undisputed top man in the company and by 1992, it was a pretty safe bet to say that he was the most popular wrestler in the world, given that Hogan was on an indefinite hiatus. Vader was an unstoppable monster that only Sting could stop and you can connect the dots yourself here. The idea of a classic story is one that you can run at any time and get a reaction. Hero vs. monster is one of the most classic stories of all time and it’s never not going to work.

Third, and arguably the most important depending on how you look at it, the matches were really good. I know that sounds simple, but that’s a very important point that a lot of feuds don’t have. Look at Flair vs. Rhodes. It’s another classic story (wealth/elite status vs. the common man) where the promos were great and the fans were into the feud, but the matches SUCKED.

Sting is one of those wrestlers that gravitates to the kind of wrestler he’s facing. If his opponent is good, he’ll have a good match. If his opponent is bad though, the match is going to suck. Vader happens to be one of the best big men workers of all time, and Sting had the power and speed combination that works perfectly against him. You had Sting selling like a madman out there for Vader, causing the crowd to erupt whenever Sting would make a comeback. Vader would then kill Sting dead with a few HARD shots and the sequence would start all over again.

Finally, the matches were mixed up. Look at the list of matches I gave you. We had title matches, tournament finals, gimmick matches, tag matches and multiple man matches. It wasn’t the same stuff every single time and you had to wait between each match to get another one on one encounter, even if it was just a little time. This is the way to keep the feud fresh, which is something that so often misses anymore. Look at the recent snoozefest known as Alberto Del Rio vs. Sheamus. There were three PPV matches and two of them ended with Sheamus Brogue Kicking Del Rio for the pin. Mix it up a little. Throw out the Cloverleaf for one of them. You know, the move that Sheamus had built up for weeks.

Overall, Sting vs. Vader is one of the best feuds ever for a lot of reasons, ranging from how back and forth it was, to how high quality the story was, to how the feud was kept fresh. You don’t get stories like this too often anymore, mainly due to how fast the turnover is in them, but when you do you’ll often hear them compared to this one. Sting vs. Vader is one of those matches that I throw on every now and then when I just want to see a fun match. Check them out, especially the Starrcade one as I can almost guarantee you’ll be impressed by something in it.

Smackdown
Date: May 25, 2012
Location: Mohegan Sun Arena, Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Josh Matthews

It’s after Over the Limit and Sheamus is still champion after a pretty fun fatal fourway. Other than that there isn’t much to talk about other than a new Intercontinental Champion in the form of Christian. We begin the build to No Way Out tonight but since Raw was mostly a throwaway show, I’d expect about the same thing here. Hopefully it’s better than last week’s. Let’s get to it.

The opening is about Cena vs. Ace from the PPV and the fallout from Raw.

Do you know your enemy? Mine is three and a half minute recaps of a story that I didn’t like when it aired on Raw.

Here’s Eve to open us up in the arena. Ace isn’t here tonight so she’s in charge. Ace is going to deal with Cena on Monday so tonight, she’s going to deal with Sheamus. Sheamus is going to issue a public apology for running over Ace on Monday and also, she’ll name his #1 contender. Cue Alberto who sucks up to Eve for awhile. She says no one is more deserving than him, but here’s Orton for a rebuttal.

He introduces himself to Eve and asks the fans who they would like to see. After the obvious response, here’s Kane. Kane says he should get to face “that pasty white Irish ghost.” If you need more convincing, tonight is episode #666 of Smackdown. Eve makes a triple threat for the title shot.

Christian vs. Hunico

Non-title here. Christian takes him down with a forearm but stops to go after Camacho, allowing Hunico to get in a shot and a suicide dive. A springboard dive misses and Christian takes over again. A big right hand puts Hunico on his knee and a middle rope back elbow puts him on his back. After a baseball slide takes out Hunico, it’s Killswitch and Frog Splash for the pin at 3:03.

Rating: C-. Not bad here as Hunico is a guy that is very slowly growing on me. I like Christian using the frog splash better than just the Killswitch as it looks more devastating. It’s also more of a face move which furthers his turn a little more. This made Christian look good but let Hunico get in some offense at the same time. Proper jobber usage makes me happy.

Cody comes out with Christian still in the ring. He talks about how he spent eight months making the title important again after it had been held by jokes. Cody restored it to greatness that people like Razor Ramon and Shawn Michaels and Cody Rhodes gave it. It won’t take him eight months to get it back, but rather 3 seconds.

Darren Young/Titus O’Neil vs. Usos

Jimmy vs. Titus to start. This is due to some argument in the back earlier today where they made fun of each others’ dances. The Usos take over quickly and double team O’Neil in the corner. Young kicks Jey in the back though and the NXT Crew takes over. Titus suplexes Young onto Jey for two. Young misses a charge and it’s off to Jimmy. He cleans a few rooms of the house and everything breaks down. Jey looks to set up the Superfly Splash but Young crotches him and the Demolition Decapitator gets the pin at 3:12. The Millions of Dollars dance is still good.

Rating: D+. Just a tag match for the most part here, but again I have to ask: where was this from Young/O’Neil for a year on NXT? This was entertaining and I’m liking this team more when they’re on every week. They have charisma and show off out there, which is what they never did on the yellow show. Alas, the Usos are the tag team jobbers now.

Sin Cara returns next week.

Ryback vs. Brian Edwards/Kevin Bendol

The jobbers make fun of the town some more and I think you can figure this one out. Ryback’s left eye is MESSED UP. It’s all bruised and it looks like there’s blood in it. The cannon fodder doesn’t have to tag. Ryback picks one of them up in a powerbomb position and slams him into the other guy. Powerbomb kills one and the clothesline kills another. Ryback picks one of them up for the MuscleBuster, then picks the other one up AT THE SAME TIME. He walks them around and a double MuscleBuster ends this at 1:26. That ending was awesome.

Santino Marella vs. Ricardo Rodriguez

This should be entertaining. It’s a continuation of Ricardo getting beaten up on Raw. Ricardo wrestles in his tuxedo and has his own theme music. He introduces himself as well which is amusing. Santino hooks a headlock but Ricardo shoves him off and runs the ropes while Santino watches. We get an airplane spin from Santino but he makes himself dizzy and falls to the floor. He crawls under the ring and sneaks up on Ricardo so that the Cobra can end it at 1:50. Comedy matches are fine.

Here’s Sheamus for his apology. Sheamus says it was an accident but it was accidentally on purpose. He apologizes for Ace being so horrible and for Eve and Otunga being so far up Johnny that they can tell what he has for breakfast. Oh and Big Show sucks too. As for No Way Out, he wants to face Orton. Here’s Vickie for some reason who says Eve has made a match for Sheamus.

Sheamus vs. Jack Swagger

They lock up and go into the corner with no one getting an advantage. Some elbows to the face knock Swagger back but Sheamus misses a charge into the corner. It turns into a fist fight which puts Jack down, followed by the top rope shoulder for two. Swagger goes to the floor so Sheamus runs him over out there too. Vickie offers a distraction which lets Swagger knock Sheamus off the apron and possibly injure the champ’s ankle.

We take a break and come back with Swagger working on both the ankle and the shoulder. He DDTs the leg for two. Swagger ties it up in the ropes in the corner but misses a kick. Sheamus hits a neckbreaker and both guys are down. The champ comes back with the ax handles and the forearms in the ropes. Jack kicks him in the ankle again and goes for the ankle lock but Sheamus kicks him off. Brogue Kick misses and Swagger takes out the leg for two. Booker: “Two and three quarters. That’s a victory!” Sheamus escapes the gutwrench powerbomb and the Brogue Kick finishes at 6:56 shown of 10:26.

Rating: C. This was fine. Swagger is firmly cemented in his jobber to the stars status and given how dull he’s become lately, that’s about as much as he can ask for. Sheamus looked decent here but he still needs some more development. It’s not an emergency though as the fans are cheering him very strong at the moment. Decent match.

Big Show will speak later. Cole says these might be the darkest days in WWE history. I know Cole is known for hyperbole, but are you kidding me?

Yoshi Tatsu vs. Damien Sandow

Sandow does his usual stuff before the match. I’m digging the Backlund robe too. Yoshi is an ignoramus and a dunce. The hot pink trunks work too. Yoshi charges and Sandow hides in the ropes while shouting at the referee to “please do your job thank you!” Sandow gets a shot in and the neckbreaker ends this at 45 seconds.

We look at the ending to the Ryback match again.

No Way Out ad, set like a 1920s silent movie. AJ is tied to railroad tracks, Bryan saves her, and AJ ties him up. She has a mustache now too. Cool?

We recap Big Show on Raw and at the PPV, because we might have forgotten it in the last hour and fifteen minutes. And Cole, it still isn’t the darkest day in WWE history.

Here’s Big Show for an explanation. Show says he was never fired until a few weeks ago. Everyone here has probably been fired, but they don’t love what they do. He’s a 7’4 giant and loves to wrestle. No one offered him any sympathy and he wasn’t too pleased with that. Show is sitting on a stool for this. After all the years he’s been here, that’s what he gets? The fans think he sold out which he denies.

After everything he’s done, this is the thanks he gets? It made him realize he has no friends and that he’s alone in this world. Then he got a phone call. The fans chant for Cena. Show says he made a deal with Ace to come back with a new contract and a big fat bonus. He knew exactly what he would do and he knows he’ll knock Cena out at the PPV. The fans never cared for him and now he doesn’t care for them. Why couldn’t we get this explanation on Raw? Didn’t he say he didn’t owe us one? Still though, it’s better than nothing.

As Show is leaving, here’s Kane. I guess we’re running short on time because he’s just coming out for the main event early. As Kane gets in, Bryan appears and beats the tar out of Kane with a chair. He probably hit him 20 times. I’m not sure if you can call this a face action or not, but it draws a HUGE YES chant.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Randy Orton vs. Kane

The winner gets Sheamus at No Way Out. Kane is going to give it a go here. Orton goes after Alberto to start but punches Kane a bit too. Del Rio gets knocked to the floor and Kane hits the low dropkick on Orton for two. Orton hits his backbreaker but Del Rio makes the save. Kane knocks both of them to the floor and follows them to the outside. He beats up both guys but Orton comes back and rams both of them into the barricade and adds a few shots to the table for Kane.

Orton loads up the elevated DDT but Alberto hits an enziguri to break that up. We take a break and come back with Kane hitting Del Rio with an uppercut. Orton takes one as well which gets two for Kane. An elbow drop gets the same. Del Rio hits the enziguri to the shoulder and Kane goes down, giving Team Mexico control. Orton backdrops him to the apron and dropkicks him to the floor, but he walks into a side slam for two.

Kane goes up for the clothesline but Del Rio comes back in and runs up the corner for an enziguri that puts Kane on the floor. A big kick misses and Orton comes back. Kane comes back in and takes the powerslam, as does Del Rio. Del Rio goes to the corner but Orton hits the elevated DDT to bring him back down. The RKO is escaped and Kane pulls Randy to the floor and sends him into the steps.

The top rope clothesline misses but the cross armbreaker is escaped and Kane hits the chokeslam. Here’s Bryan again with the chair but Kane sees him coming. Kane chases him off but as he gets back in, here’s Bryan again. Kane sees him again and stares him down. As Kane turns around he walks into the RKO. Del Rio kicks Orton away and steals the pin at 7:51 shown of 11:21.

Rating: C+. This was pretty good, although the chair attack before the match didn’t wind up amounting to that much. Del Rio vs. Sheamus doesn’t really blow my skirt up but it’s what they’ve wanted to do for months. The interesting thing is Kane vs. Bryan as it looks like that’s what they’re building to. I don’t think Bryan vs. Punk was officially announced but I could easily see it turning into a triple threat. Good main event here.

Sheamus kicks Del Rio’s head off to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. This was a much more entertaining episode than last week. It set up a few matches for the PPV and we got the explanation from Big Show that we didn’t have time for on Raw. This show could almost be called a supplement to Monday and in that regard, it was ok. Ryback continues to be awesome and I’m intrigued by where this Bryan thing is going. Much better show this week.

Results
Christian b. Hunico – Frog Splash
Darren Young/Titus O’Neil b. Usos – Demolition Decapitator to Jimmy
Ryback b. Brian Edwards/Kevin Bendol – Double MuscleBuster
Santino Marella b. Ricardo Rodriguez – Cobra
Sheamus b. Jack Swagger – Brogue Kick
Damien Sandow b. Yoshi Tatsu – Neckbreaker
Alberto Del Rio b. Randy Orton and Kane – Del Rio pinned Kane after an RKO from Orton

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Royal Rumble 2011
Date: January 30, 2011
Location: TD Bank Garden Arena, Boston, Massachusetts
Commentators: Michael Cole, Matt Striker, Jerry Lawler

Well we’ve finally, and I do mean FINALLY arrived. This is the first 40 man Rumble and while I’m still not behind the idea it could be good I guess. There are only 4 matches tonight: the Rumble, a Divas match and the two world titles. It should be fun as WWE has been on a straight up roll recently. Let’s get to it.

Smackdown World Title: Dolph Ziggler vs. Edge

Well you can’t say they’re going easy to start. And Edge’s pyro doesn’t go off. Remember that the Spear is banned here and if Edge uses it then Ziggler loses the world title. Vickie comes out to do the intro and tries to start a Spear chant which is kind of funny. We get big match intros too which is always nice. Lawler: “Ziggler is just like Santa Claus. Everywhere he goes he takes that old bag with him.”

Dang Edge goes from winning the match to starting the show the next year. Quite a drop…yet he has a title here. I love logic or whatever you call it in wrestling. Striker is doing a great job of tossing softballs up for King to get good lines off of. Lawler has always been a guy that needs someone to set him up but once he gets a start he’s fine.

Edge controls a lot early on with some basic stuff. We hit the floor and it’s all Edge. Ziggler gets a kick to the side of Edge’s head as they come back in to get his first advantage. Off to a chinlock now as the LET’S GO EDGE chant gets going. Sunset flip is blocked for two. More chinlock and this time a longer version of it. Big elbow drop gets two.

Dolph gets a running charge to send Edge out to the floor and into the barricade. Back in that gets two. Hey look it’s a chinnlock! Edge fights up and a double cross body puts both guys down. Stinger Splash in the corner misses by Zigs. Ziggler gets that Downward Spiral into a Stunner for two. Edge counters the Fameasser into a sitout powerbomb for two.

Uncharacteristically for Edge he goes up top but Ziggler beats him to the punch. Cross body off the top is rolled through for a VERY close two by Ziggler. Dropkick gets two on Edge. Zig Zag is blocked and Edge busts out the Edgecator (modified Sharpshooter) for two. Edge misses a charge at the ropes and the Fameasser hits for two.

Big Boot puts Ziggler down and Edge sets for the Spear in the corner. Vickie like an idiot, yells at him to not do it. Ziggler wants the sleeper but gets caught in the Edgecution but Vickie grabs the referee. She and Edge get into it and Kelly of all people comes out to beat on Vickie. As Edge is watching the catfight a Zig Zag gets two and that more or less seals the ending here.

Dolph gets the sleeper and Edge is fading fast. Oh of course he fights it off. He manages to get a big jawbreaker out of it instead and down goes the referee. Vickie is down as well so there’s the Spear. Edge pulls an Eddie and lays down too. Cole: SOMEONE HAD TO SEE THAT! He’s totally right you know. Edge uses an Unprettier of all things to end it.

Rating: A-. This was a solid back and forth match, but I really don’t like the Spear in there. Striker calls it the Unprettier which is supposed to be the Killswitch I believe? Anyway this was a very good match with Ziggler getting some very close near falls out there. It’s your regular Rumble match that had a challenger who simply wasn’t going to win but Dolph looked great. Very good opener indeed.

Mania is 63 days away! Naturally we have the Chamber in there which is going to take away a lot of that time.

We recap Miz vs. Orton which goes back to Miz cashing in. That’s still sweet and was perfectly done. DEMON CHILD!!! Also Miz beat the heck out of Orton on Raw.

Miz and Riley say Miz will win and insult Boston.

Raw World Title: Randy Orton vs. The Miz

Cole talks throughout the WHOLE entrance and then in the ring he says that this is a big match for Miz. Thanks for clearing up that defending the world title on PPV against one of the biggest stars of all time is a big match. Miz chant to start as it’s all Orton early on. Back in the ring as Orton stomps away and Lawler and Cole get into it as always. I’m still thinking that results in a Mania match which it should. Lawler deserves a match at Mania.

Orton beats him down in the corner and Cole says this is unfair to him. Nice flashback to Heenan in 92. Riley interferes and here comes the Champion. Orton fights back but misses a charge in the corner to give Miz the advantage back. The Miz is a Triple crown winner. Let that sink in for a bit. Ok he kind of is at least. Corner clothesline gets two. More beatdowns and a knee to the ribs get two.

Orton is able to get back in there with a kick and up the ropes we go. Superplex gets two as Cole talks about Riley. Elevated DDT is countered by a backdrop and we hit the floor again. Back in Miz gets two. Miz goes up and a double axe gets two. He throws on a chinlock as it’s all champion here. Back to the floor one more time and Orton eats the post.

He beats the count at 9 and the beating is on again but this time with Orton in control with the Thesz Press. Powerslam sets up the stomping. Orton sets for the powerbomb but Riley distracts him. Miz gets that backbreaker/neckbreaker combo he’s been using lately for two. Angle Slam hits so Miz wants to get the title and leave. Instead Orton kills him with a clothesline.

Since we’re looking at a split screen replay we miss what Miz hits to get two out of nowhere on Orton. Miz misses a kick and Orton grabs a rollup for two. Elevated (called Suspension by Striker which works also) gets two. He sets for the RKO and HERE THEY COME! It’s the New Nexus minus Punk who stare down Orton. As the referee is distracted Riley gets in and in an AWESOME spot, Orton picks up Riley and LAUNCHES him over the referee and onto Nexus. Riley was AIRBORNE! There’s the RKO but Punk runs in with a GTS and Miz retains! Cole jumps up and down like a little girl in celebration.

Rating: B. Good match but definitely not as good as the previous one. The thing is that with a show like the Rumble, everything besides the one big match is pure bonus. The two title matches have been rather good so this show is already looking up. This was very good stuff for the most part here which is pretty much expected. If nothing else it gives us some new direction. Not bad at all here and a pretty good match.

Cody Rhodes gives a prepared statement while we can’t see his face which is always funny.

Divas Title: Natalya vs. Laycool

Just before the match starts we get an E-Mail, making it a fatal fourway and he adds….Eve? Uh…ok. Oh and the GM makes fun of Cole and all the people that complain about him. No tagging here of course. There isn’t much to say here as it’s an insane spot fest for the most part. Natalya gets the double Sharpshooter on Eve and Layla which is a great visual. Layla gets the neckbreaker on Natalya. There isn’t much to say here like AT ALL. Michelle kicks Layla, Eve wins the title with a moonsault. Natalya might have pinned Michelle at the same time.

Rating: D. This was pretty bad overall. It was a mess of a Divas match which is bad as usually they have some good stuff going for them and certainly have been recently. This was bad and it was the epitome of a bridge to the Rumble. Speaking of which, let’s go to that.

Bellas/Gail/Bryan segment. It’s stupid and the same thing from Monday but with the Bellas pretending to be nice with flowers.

Rumble By the Numbers.

Royal Rumble

Punk is #1 to the shock of no one, and to no one else’s shock, Corre has a member in at #2 but they all surround the ring. Punk gets beaten down by everyone until Nexus comes down for the save. Cole gets an E-Mail which says STOP IT! Everyone but Punk has to leave and only Punk is in at the moment. LOUD Punk chant and #2 is Bryan. The IWC just orgasmed loudly.

Bryan speeds things up and takes Punk down with some nice shots. It’s dueling chant time as Bryan hits the top rope dropkick. In at 3 is Gabriel. Gabriel beats Punk up with ease but misses the 450 and Bryan tosses Justin easily. The timing is absurd already as you expected it to. Number 4 is Zach Ryder. He gets both guys down in the corner and manages to get a Rough Ryder on Punk. Bryan throws him out with ease as I hope we’re not going the 95 route.

Regal is in at #5 and he cleans house which isn’t very dirty at this point. Lots of suplexes all around. Regal and Bryan slug it out with European uppercuts which surprisingly Bryan wins despite not being, you know, European. Bryan kicks both guys with ease and we get #6 in the form of Ted DiBiase. Backbreaker for Bryan and dropkicks to him and Regal. Down goes Punk to the following clothesline.

Bryan vs. Regal and DiBiase vs. Punk for awhile which gets us nowhere. Seventh is Morrison to a BIG pop. Springboard kick puts Regal down and Morrison cleans house, including with his eternal rival in Punk. C4 to Bryan. I had Morrison as a dark horse but methinks that’s out the window. He gets thrown by DiBiase but lands on the apron. Morrison gets launched to the railing and GRABS THE WALL like freaking Spiderman, climbs up to the apron, tightrope walks it to the steps and gets back in. Ladies and gentlemen, that is not going to be topped tonight.

Tatsu is #8 and he does nothing at all. Ninth is Husky Harris. Regal went out somewhere in there that I missed when I was dying from Morrison’s wall grab. Harris immediately gets in front of Punk for defense so Morrison and Bryan try to kill him. He’s 23 and the youngest person in this Rumble. That’s rather impressive. We get to ¼ of the way through this with Chavo.

Seven people in there now as Gabriel, Ryder and Regal have been eliminated so far. Three Amigos to DiBiase but Punk cuts him off. And never mind as he takes three of his own. Punk’s get broken up so it’s suplex time to Morrison. Here are some for Bryan as well. He must have done ten suplexes in like 30 seconds. This is kind of cool actually. FINALLY he gets the third in a row.

Number 11 is Mark Henry to clear out some dead weight. There go Chavo and Tatsu. Punk beats Henry down a bit as it’s time for JTG to be #12. This portion of the Rumble brought to you by not Michael Hayes. JTG, Henry, Punk, Harris, DiBiase, Morrison and Bryan in there at the moment. Hey I’ve actually got this up to date! Number 13 is Michael McGillicutty to give Punk some backup.

Punk tells him to HURT EVERYBODY. There goes JTG as we’re getting a bit cluttered here. Granted a lot of that is Henry and the midcard is well represented. Harris and McGillicutty put out DiBiase to make room for Masters at 14. Masterlock to Punk but he can’t get him out as McGillicutty makes the save. Bryan hammers on Masters as #15 is Otunga. That makes four members counting Punk in there at the moment.

Bryan is out almost immediately and Masters joins him soon. Nexus cleans house and gets Morrison out too. Over to Henry now and yep he’s gone too. Just Nexus left in the ring now. Tyler Reks is the sacrificial lamb at #16. How long can he be unknown for? There he goes of course. So are we just waiting on Cena now? I think that’s pretty clear. In at 17 is Kozlov who has history here.

Why not just wait on the floor and wait for like five people to get together to at least have even odds? Vladimir is out with ease. Punk gets all meditational on us and it’s Truth in as the Rumble is now legal. Striker agrees with the whole wait it out. This is a great way to run through some of the weaker guys though. Punk gets the corner clothesline and bulldog. In between, he looks at the camera and raises the roof shouting WHAT’S UP in a sarcastic voice. Funny stuff.

Truth is gone. And here’s trouble in the form of the Great Khali. He chops them all down and gets rid of Harris to break up this blockade. GET BETH PHOENIX STAT! Naturally in next is Mason Ryan (20). India vs. Wales goes to the darker skinned ones until Ryan gets him out. BOOKER FREAKING T IS NUMBER 21!!!!! SCREW YOU MAIN EVENT MAFIA!!!!! Epic pop for him too and Booker looks awesome.

Kicks all around and a Book End to McGillicutty. SPINAROONI! SPINAROONI! OH MY GOODNESS A SPINAROONI! Punk charges but Ryan makes the save. Booker is out but that was insanely awesome. My screen froze on Booker’s eyes bugging out. You knew it was coming. John Cena is in next and the fight is on. He takes everyone down with basic moves and there goes Ryan to a low bridge. Otunga and McGillicutty to a double clothesline and it’s down to Cena and Punk!

Cena charges into a corner elbow but Punk can’t get GTS. Double clothesline puts both men down ala Hogan and Warrior in 1990. Number 23 is…..it’s Hornswoggle. The look on Punk’s face is hilarious. More or less it says “no…..freaking….way.” Punk gets up and drills Horny but goes after Cena instead. FU TO PUNK AND HE’S OUT! Cena is left with Horny as #24 is Tyson Kidd. Headscissors to Kidd by Horny sets up an FU and there he goes. Ok no he doesn’t yet as Horny wants to do it. Horny gives him an FU and there goes Kidd.

Twenty fifth is Slater who takes a low blow from Horny and a super Stunner which actually looked pretty cool. Double You Can’t See Me. Tadpole Splash and there goes Slater. It’s Kofi Kingston at 26 and this could be awesome. Cool moment as they stare down and look at the Mania sign. I totally buy Kofi as a threat to Cena here which is a very good sign. Kofi beats on him a bit but it’s really a standoff. Swagger is 27^th and takes down the weakened guys.

Vader Bomb to Cena and one for Kofi as well. And now….dude go for the midget already. Swagger goes after Horny but Kofi kills Jack with a cross body. Double Boom Drop as Horny is a bridge for Kofi to jump off of. 28 is SHEAMUS. Oh yes. This guy is a, and I will never ever say this again, a dark horse to win this. Sheamus cleans house and goes after Horny. Cena saves him AGAIN and it’s another Tadpole Splash coming. Never mind actually as Sheamus KICKS HIM IN THE HEAD to eliminate him.

Rey is #29. We have Kofi, Cena, Swagger, Sheamus and Rey in there at the moment. Trouble in Paradise to Sheamus but Swagger takes him down. Rey was on the corner and Swagger tries the running belly to belly. Rey ducks and knocks him to the apron and a 619 takes him out. Barrett is 30 as this is FLYING by. Wasteland to Kofi is blocked by a kick to the knee by Rey.

Cena vs. Barrett goes to Wade in the form of a Boss Man Slam. That could so be a finisher for someone. Maybe Ryan? The first #31 in history is Dolph Ziggler??? Oh snap man, that could be a shock. He hammers away on Sheamus as Barrett is in trouble. Dolph, Sheamus, Barrett, Kofi, Cena and Rey at the moment. Cena is in trouble and the crowd reacts BIG.

32 is DIESEL???? WOW! The crowd pops HUGE. I can’t get used to hearing him called Diesel. Drew is 33^rd. Nash looks kind of awesome in there. Drew and Sheamus hammer down Diesel who is all of a sudden getting a HUGE chant! Dude sign this guy up! 619 to Diesel which I can’t believe I just typed.

34^th is….the Miz??? Oh wait it’s Riley. He slides in and Cena just drills him. Striker got cut off mid sentence in a laugh. Barrett puts Diesel out. ANOTHER big Diesel chant as he leaves. Miz sits in on commentary for a bit. Big Show is number 35 and it’s time to clear out some guys. Show and Diesel look at each other. Oh man there’s some history there. The Celts jump Show as he comes in which doesn’t go well for the UK guys.

Miz sounds like he has a cold. There goes Ziggler at the hands of Show. I want to know who #40 is. 36 is Big Zeke. Uh oh. Show puts Drew out. Zeke puts Show down and OUT on his own! There are four entrants left. Who isn’t out here yet? Rey, Zeke, Cena, Kofi, Barrett and Sheamus at the moment. Santino is 37^th and gets a solid pop. He goes right at Sheamus of all people. And now he goes for Zeke who growls at him.

Santino gets knocked to the floor under the bottom rope. Alberto is 38 and I completely forgot about him. Ricardo does the intro! No one else has gotten an intro but no one else is Alberto Del Rio. Del Rio takes his sweet time and isn’t in before Orton is 39^th. ONE MORE TO GO! RKO to everyone and there goes Kofi. Sheamus is out too as is Drew. And then, it’s Cena vs. Orton. The crowd just went SILENT and in the awesome way I mean.

They stare it down with the Mania sign between them and there’s the clock. And it’s Kane. Uh, kind of anti-climactic but ok. So it’s Kane, Cena, Orton, Santino, Rey, Del Rio and I think that’s it. I likely left someone out though. Oh and Zeke and Barrett. Zeke beats up Kane with relative ease after Kane cleans some house. There goes Zeke. Ok now we’re down to Barrett, Kane, Cena, Orton, Rey and Del Rio. Kane is put out by Rey! Barrett puts out Rey! I LOVE YOU BARRETT!!!

Final four are Barrett, Orton, Cena and Del Rio. Cena and Del Rio are in trouble but both hang on. Randy and John (sounds weird calling it that) stare it down again to another hush. There they go with the punches. Both finishers miss as FU is broken up by Barrett for no apparent reason. Maybe he’s the new Corre member? Del Rio vs. Cena and Barrett vs. Orton at this point.

FU to Del Rio but here comes Riley again for no adequately explained reason. MIZ ELIMINATES CENA!!! LET THE INTERNET ERUPT!!! Dang it not Orton again. Is Santino still in? Orton busts out a bunch of his basic stuff and there goes Barrett! DEL RIO PUTS OUT ORTON TO WIN THE ROYAL RUMBLE!!! Wait Santino is back! COBRA!!! THEY WOULDN’T!!!!! Oh thank goodness Del Rio threw him out to officially end it.

Rating: A. I was wrong. I thought this would be overblown but it felt more epic this way. HUGE props to WWE for putting someone new in there. That is absolutely huge for WWE as they are actually giving someone the huge push and the momentum to do it with. He’s a glorified midcarder and he won. This is exactly what they needed to do with this and it worked wonderfully. Mania has matches set up for it now and we got some great surprises. Epic Rumble although maybe just a step beneath next year. GREAT ending though.

Overall Rating: A. This was a great show indeed. The Divas match was the only bad thing all night and on a card with four matches you can’t argue that in the slightest. They’re setting Mania up very early this year and that’s nothing but good. This was a great show as WWE now has two big wins in a row. I’m freaking pumped up for Mania now as this was great stuff indeed. Loved it and bring on Elimination Chamber baby!

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Monday Night Raw
Date: December 12, 2011
Location: Norfolk Scope Arena, Norfolk, Virginia
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

It’s the Slammys! I used to love these things when I was a kid and they were so campy and entertaining. Now they’re just kind of here and they’re usually a way to have some minor stories set up for the next few weeks/months. The main event tonight is Cena vs. Henry, which somehow is a pretty big showdown. It’s also the go home show for TLC, which is kind of a minor aspect given the three hour nature of this. Let’s get to it.

We open with a Slammy presentation. This is for the Tell Me I Did Not Just See That Moment of the Year. Booker presents it…along with Horny. Horny has an afro wig and keeps doing chest bumps with Booker.

The nominees are:

JR dancing
Santino almost winning the Royal Rumble
A fan throws water at R-Truth
Miz impersonates Rock

It’s JR dancing. I can live with that as that was pretty awesome. JR comes out…and here’s Cole to cut him off because that’s what Cole does. Cole says JR is fat and Booker calls him a loser. Strap in people: Cole vs. Booker can go on for HOURS. Booker says JR can beat Cole in a rap off. Cole’s is awful and I think everyone expected that. JR says he doesn’t need music. His actually has something resembling a rhythm to it and there’s music to it anyway. And then he stops rhyming all together. Guess who the fans say win. This very well may have been the worst opening in the history of professional wrestling.

Oh and JR does a Spinarooni. Ok more like he looks like he has a heart attack and convulses on the mat for a bit.

Here are Foley and Ted DiBiase Senior to present the Holy Censored Moment of the Year. This pairing is about as awesome as anything in the history of, ahem, Mankind. They try to figure out why they’re paired together. DiBiase says that he is an ordained minister. Foley: “So if that makes you the holy, then I guess that makes me the…..” DiBise: *EVIL LAUGH*

The nominees are:

Sheamus powerbombs Sin Cara through a ladder
The RKO to a leaping Christian onto the steps
The ring breaking
Evan Bourne’s shooting star off the ladder

Gee I wonder what’s going to win. If you can’t figure this out, you fail. Show comes out to accept and thanks the Sports Entertainment Academy of Arts and Sports. He thinks the World Heavyweight Championship would look good next to the Slammy. Nice little promo for the match on Sunday and for his match which is next.

Big Show vs. Wade Barrett

Barrett says what he’ll do to Orton at TLC will earn him that award Big Show just won. Then again that award is for something unexpected and everyone knows what he’s going to do to Orton. After a break we’re joined in progress with Barrett on the floor trying to get up. There’s a table set up at ringside now. There’s also a chair and a ladder. Barrett avoids going through the table and hits a big boot to put Show’s head on the table.

Show gets up as Barrett is ready to jump and then the bald man breaks the table. With Barrett on the apron on the outside, Show chops him in the chest and knocks him into the ring. Barrett goes to the floor and brings in a chair. Show knocks it out of his hands….and wins by DQ at 1:38? It’s going to be one of those nights isn’t it?

Of all people, the Road Dogg is doing this one. Yes, that Road Dogg. He’s in a DX shirt and is doing the Pipe Bomb of the year, which I think is the weird moment of the year.

There aren’t any real nominees but more along the lines of a bunch of R-Truth moments plus a hand full of others. This is just a big comedy montage for all intents and purposes, which is a great reminder of some stuff, namely Punk and Truth. The winner is…..CM Punk. Ok I can live with that.

Punk comes out with….a mannequin? It’s got a blonde wig and a t-shirt that says…..OH MY GOODNESS IT’S A DYNAMIC DUDES SHIRT!!!!! Punk says that he wants to talk about something tonight that is a special cause. This person works behind the scenes and is incredibly boring, just like this mannequin. Naturally it’s Johnny Ace and Punk has a tribute video. It’s set to a song that I’ve heard before but can’t place. We get Dynamic Dudes clips in there too which makes this worth a smile. After the video Punk is trying not to crack up. He accepts the award on Punk’s behalf and does a decent impression of him.

Lita is here to present the Divalicious Moment of the Year. Yep she’s still hot. I don’t think half the people know who she is.

The nominees are:

natalya putting the Sharpshooter on Eve and I think Alicia.
Kelly winning the Divas Title.
Kharma destroying Michelle.
Beth’s top rope Glam Slam to Eve.

Of course it goes to Kelly because she’s supposed to be some kind of female hero or something. Beth comes out to take the award from her and gets slapped.

Santino presents the OMG Moment of the Year. The Bellas are with him and they look good in those red dresses. After an argument over whether it’s o-m-g or OMG (pronounced like a word), here are the nominees.

HHH tombstones the Undertaker.
Rock Bottom to Cena at Mania.
The Walk Out.
Punk Leaves With The Title.

HHH wins. Are you freaking kidding me? He makes his big return with the hammer…and walks to the ring without his award. HHH says the real OMG moment was having Taker carried out for the first time in his career. He says the Undertaker is no more. HHH takes credit for ending the Streak. Are you kidding me? We get the video of Nash hitting him with the hammer a few months ago.

He says that maybe their 16 year relationship was based on lies and this Sunday all the lies and deceptions end. On Sunday he’ll show the world that he’s right and that Nash is simply done. Well he was done 13 years ago. Do we really need a match for that? HHH leaves and implies he’ll hit Santino with the hammer but lets him run instead.

Otunga and Tony Atlas are here for the Trending Superstar of the Year. Tony does the laugh as Otunga tries to be serious. The award goes to whichever superstar listed is trending on Twitter the fastest. Get this over with. They’ll be in a fatal fourway with the winner of the match meaning nothing but the first to be trending winning the Slammy.

Cody Rhodes vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Zack Ryder

Or is the winner of the match the winner of the award? Do they have any idea what’s going on here? Ryder and Bryan send the champs to the floor and hit stereo dives as we take a break. Back with Ryder and Bryan squaring off and they change the rules AGAIN, saying that it’s whoever trends first. THEN WHY HAVE THE MATCH??? Bryan and Ryder have a decent back and forth segment with them hitting cross bodies to put them both down.

Rhodes and Ziggler tease a staredown but think better of it so they can stomp the good guys. They get in a shoving match and Bryan tries to steal a pin. Rhodes and Bryan have a LONG pinfall reversal sequence but Bryan is sent to the floor. Ryder follows him and Ziggler tries to roll up Rhodes. Alabama Slam to Dolph gets two. They take a second break with Cody standing tall.

Back with Rhodes having Ryder in a Figure Four which doesn’t last long. Rhodes charges into some knees in the corner but Dolph breaks up the Broski Boot. Everyone is in the ring and everyone goes down. Beautiful Disaster hits Ziggler for two and Bryan goes off with the rapid fire kicks to Cody. Bryan goes up but gets crotched. Ziggler gets drilled by Ryder but stops Ryder as he goes up. Both heels hit superplexes and everyone is down again. Rough Ryder to Ziggler, Cross Rhodes to Ryder, LeBell Lock to Rhodes, Sleeper to Bryan, Zig Zag to Bryan and that gets the pin at 15:22.

Rating: B-. Fun match but as Lawler said, the match wasn’t important. What was important was trending on Twitter. That right there sums up almost everything that is wrong with Raw anymore. They’re so obsessed with getting people to notice them and accept them because they’re trending on Twitter 50 times a night and they have to tell us they’re trending on Twitter 50 times a night and it drives people crazy. And they wonder why no one buys their PPVs and why no one is watching their shows.

Ryder wins the award, because the match was pointless. He gets a Zig Zag for his efforts.

Christian returns to present Game Changer of the Year. He gives himself courageous moment of the year first of all. This is for one moment that changes everything. Here are the nominees.

HHH telling Vince and the pink jacket that he’s relieved of his duties.
Edge’s retirement speech.
Kevin Nash returns.
Rock and Cena making the main event of Mania a year early.

Cena and Rock win, as they probably should. Cena says he should only get half of the credit for this and introduces Rock. Oh wait this is a live show so he’s not here. “But he said he’d never leave!” We do have a satellite clip though. Oh wait no we don’t because he didn’t have time for that either. “This is worse than JR’s rap.” He apologizes for Team Bring It for not bringing it. However, this makes the award mean more because Rock is going to see this soon and hopefully it fires him up even more. This award is for changing the game for a year, but at Mania they change the game forever.

Alberto Del Rio/The Miz vs. CM Punk/Randy Orton

Punk vs. Miz starts us off. Off to Del Rio vs. Orton quickly and the Viper gets beaten down by both heels. We’re in standard tag formula mode quickly tonight. Punk gets a hot tag quickly and cleans house but the GTS is broken up, allowing Miz to guillotine Punk on the ropes as we take a break. Back with Punk backsliding Miz for two. Del Rio comes in and works over the arm a lot.

This is your usual main event style tag match: it’s the same formula with one guy getting beaten down for a long time until the other big face comes in off a hot tag and cleans house to set up the ending. The Finale and the GTS are countered but Punk’s kick to the head of Miz can’t get the tag. Barrett runs in through the crowd to take out Orton. Miz can’t hit the corner clothesline but he counters the GTS into the Finale for the clean pin on Punk at 12:42. Forget what I said about the formula I guess.

Rating: C-. The ending was a VERY nice surprise and it gives some heat to the main event on Sunday, which is certainly a good thing. Not a horrible match but Del Rio and Miz are pretty weak in the ring. Del Rio is boring all around but that goes without saying. It helped to push the title match though so that made it a lot better.

Miz and Del Rio beat up Punk post match and he gets put in the armbreaker using the ladder.

Vickie presents A-Lister of the Year. And here’s Goldust to present with her. He says she wears more makeup than she does.

The nominees are:

The Muppets
Hugh Jackman
Snooki
Cee-Lo Green

And it goes to Snooki because the WWE is stupid. She gives a pre-recorded message.

Mark Henry says he’ll do more to Big Show Sunday than he has already.

Here’s Sheamus but he’s interrupted by Jinder Mahal. Ok then. He rambles for awhile and gets his head kicked off. That’s it. There’s a referee there but there was no bell and no cover or anything.

Rey Mysterio comes out to present Superstar of the Year. The nominees are:

Orton
Miz
Henry
Punk
Del Rio
Cena

Ace comes out and accepts for him because he’s banged up.

Second Coming video. The word control flashes on the screen to end this.

We hear a story about a soldier in Afghanistan that hugged Vince when she saw him and opened her phone to show him her son with a WWE Title belt. Her son and husband are in the front row. That’s cool.

Mark Henry vs. John Cena

This is due to Cena costing Henry a win last week over Ryder. The bell rang at 1055 so this isn’t going to last long. We go to a break less than a minute in. Back with Henry in control,. Cena tries a slam but falls backwards. Off to a neck vice but Cena suplexes his way out of it. He hits the Shuffle but collapses on an AA attempt which gets two for Mark. Henry calls Cena Mr. USA I think.

Cena avoids a powerslam and hammers away but the shoulders don’t put Henry down. Instead Cena jumps into a bearhug and he’s in trouble. He escapes for a few seconds and hits the Slam but falls down afterwards. Then some fire goes off and KANE is back. He has a modified version of the old music and looks like he’s wearing a metal mask. He chokeslams Cena and I guess it’s thrown out at we’ll say 9 minutes. The mask looks ridiculous, but he takes it off post chokeslam to reveal a more traditional one. There’s Cena’s match for Sunday I guess.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here but the end was the whole point of it. Kane was someone that needed to return, if nothing else to give Cena something to do on Sunday. The mask being back….why? His video has the shot of him not in a mask, but he’s wearing one here. I don’t get it, but that sums up most of WWE at this point for me.

Overall Rating: D+. This show didn’t do it for me. I mean it really didn’t do it for me. The awards were pretty weak and while there were a few nice surprises, they didn’t really help get the show going, at least not for me. It wasn’t bad and I’ve definitely seen worse stuff, but this didn’t do much. The crowd didn’t care but I think that’s due to the nature of the show more than anything else. Too much talking too and not a good show overall, but it had its spots. Nice surprise at the end too.

Results
Big Show b. Wade Barrett via DQ when Barrett used a chair
Dolph Ziggler b. Daniel Bryan, Cody Rhodes and Zach Ryder – Zig Zag to Bryan
The Miz/Alberto Del Rio b. Randy Orton/CM Punk – Skull Crushing Finale to Punk
John Cena vs. Mark Henry went to a no contest when Kane interfered

Here’s TLC if you’re interested: